RFD Issue 8 Summer 1976

Product/oa/: G e o rg e, J e r r y , Jim , Landon, L en, M ic h ae l, S am u el, Sean

Graph ics : L a n d o n , OR: M a r k , WA: M i c h a e l , OR:

P a tric k , R ich ard , S am u el, Sean,

W A: CA: OR: OR:

Ted:

3 b o tto m , 26, 29, b ack c o v e r 3 1 , 39 c o v e r , 1, 3 t o p , 7 , 14 b o t t o m , 15 b o t t o m , 19, 25, 27, 3 2 , in ­ side back c o v e r 22 14 t o p , 1 8 2 0 , 33 (photography) in sid e fro n t c o v e r , 2, 4, 6, 8, 9, 12, 16 21

2 L etters 4 G olden C o n v e rs a tio n s 13 L e t t e r s & L e tte r P o licy 14 P o e t r y 16 17 18 20 21 22 25 26 28 29 30 33 38 39 40

J u s t A n o th er S to ry L es b ia n M o th er W itc h Hunt L etters P o etry P o e try S tric tly Taboo W ash T hose Hands B uying L and A lla n 's F r ie n d and . . .

Sw eet T o o th , Sw eet B read L etters S c a r l e t 's R ibbon F in an cial R eport R e a d e rs' Survey L ay in g Out

C ountry fag g o ts, E v e ry w h e re W o lf C r e e k f o l k , O r e g o n C o u n try fa g g o ts, E v e ry w h e re J e r r y , D ick, Jo h n , G le n an d D avid S p len d o r Jo y o u s, C alifo rn ia

C o u n try fa g g o ts. E v e ry w h e re S am u el, O regon B ill, D am o n Sean, O regon D av id , M a s s a c h u s e tt s K en t, O regon B i ll , New H a m p s h i r e S h ash i, C alifo rn ia C o u n try fag g o ts, E v e ry w h e re Joe, O regon G e o rg e, O regon J e r r y , O regon L en, O regon

R F D i s p u b l i s h e d f o u r t i m e s a y e a r by R F D , 4 5 2 5 L o w e r W o lf C r e e k R d , W o lf C r e e k , O r e g o n 9 7 4 9 7 . Š R F D 19 7 6 . A l l r i g h t s r e v e r t to t h e a r t i s t s . G a y L i b e r a t i o n i s t s m a y r e u s e w i t h p e rm issio n .

S U B S C R I P T I O N S : F o r o n e y e a r - - $4 3 r d c l a s s ; $6 f i r s t c l a s s ; $ 4 . 5 0 f o r e i g n ; $8 i n s t i t u t i o n s . $ 1 5 s u s t a i n i n g . $1 e a c h s a m p l e c o p y , $1 e a c h b a c k i s s u e . F r e e to a l l p r i s o n e r s .

LETTERS B e i n g a s o l i t a r y c o u n t r y p e r s o n c a n be v e ry beau tifu l. T h e h o u rs a r e often d e ­ l i c i o u s l y lo n g a n d l e i s u r e l y . T h e r e ' s a n e n d l e s s s t r i n g of s e l f - d i r e c t e d d a y s , b r o k e n i n to a p a t t e r n o n l y by w e a t h e r a n d s e a s o n .

Y e s , t h e r e a r e a l o t of l o v e l y t h i n g s to s h a r e , it is t r u e , b u t if t h e y w e r e to be s h a r e d , w o u l d n ' t s o m e o n e e l s e be t h e r e to s h a r e t h e m ? N eed we a s k s u c h q u e s t io n s in a P e r f e c t U n i v e r s e ?

T h e re a r e quiet, som ehow s tre n g th e n ­ ing l o n e l i n e s s e s t h a t r e m i n d m e I a m a n d m u s t b e , t a k e s t o c k a n d be th e b e s t I c a n e a c h d a y . T h e r e a r e h o u r s of u n i n t e r r u p t e d fa n ta s y of g r e a t and s e e m in g ly m e a n in g fu l w o r k . A t n i g h t no o n e h a s s e t t h e s t o v e c o r n i n g u p t h e c u r l i n g , s t o n y p a t h to m y h i l l t o p h o m e I s e e no l i g h t s h i n n i n g t h r o u g h t h e w i n d o w s . I t ' s a k i n d o f p r i v a c y t h a t is r a r e , a n d o n e I h a v e c o m e to t r e a s u r e .

G ot the c o n ta c t l is t a n d noted th a t I a m the o n ly N o r t h D a k o ta n . I w a s d i s a p p o in t e d but not s u r p r i s e d . N o rth D akota is not r e a d y f o r u s y e t, so we h a v e to p la y it c o o l.

We a r e h e r e , but not v i s i b l e - - t h a t is if I k e e p t h e d r a p e s on m y l i v i n g - r o o m w i n d o w p u lled . T he n e ig h b o r s m a y not u n d e r s ta n d m y liv in g - r o o m filled a lm o s t w a l l- to - w a ll w i t h b o d i e s . It g e t s c r o w d e d , b u t w e d a r e n o t g a t h e r in p u b l i c .

I w 'ish I c o u l d s a y to t h e N o r t h D a k o t a fa g g o ts th a t I know y o u 'r e out t h e r e b e c a u s e I s e e you h e r e and t h e r e in tow n, and I u n ­ d e r s t a n d y o u r r e l u c t a n c e to be i d e n t i f i e d .

So, w r i t e to m e c a r e of R F D a n d I a m s u r e th o s e b e au tifu l p e o p le w ill g et in to u c h w ith m e.

N o rth D akota I a m a c ity d w e l l e r w ho h a s only r e ­ c en tly b e e n e x p o s e d to c o u n tr y liv in g e x ­ p e r i e n c e s . I w a s v e r y m u c h t u r n e d o n by m y s h o r t s t a y a t the S a lm o n C r e e k c o m ­ m u n i t y on t h e M e n d o c i n o c o a s t o f N o r t h e r n C a l i f o r n i a . T h i s c o l l e c t i v e is m o s t l y n o n ­ gay m e n and w o m en .

I w o u l d l i k e v e r y m u c h to v i s i t , a n d s p e n d a s h o r t t i m e in a c o u n t r y s i t u a t i o n w i t h g a y m e n a n d w o m e n . It i s m y h o p e t h a t in t h i s w a y I c a n f r e e m y s e l f f r o m t h e c i t y a n d b e g i n to e n j o y l i v i n g o n t h e -land.

I a m 38 y e a r s o l d ; a w a t e r c o l o r a r t i s t p r a c tic e T 'a i Chi and have been tea ch in g a T 'a i Chi c l a s s fo r gay m e n and w o m e n in G o l d e n G a t e P a r k f o r a l m o s t a y e a r ; in to m e d i t a t i n g a n d s t u d y i n g C h i n e s e p h i l ­ o so p h y ; an d have b e e n a c t i v e in the lo c a l 'g a y r a p s ' and c o m m u n i ty o r g a n iz a t i o n .

Love, E m ilio G o n zalez 231 S a n c h e z St #3 S a n F r a n c i s c o , CA 941 14

Love flo w s ou t of m e lik e a s p r in g its w a t e r ; th e w a t e r is n e e d e d a n d t a k e n f r e e l y by a l l , a n d t h e s p r i n g m a k e s no c h o i c e . A s if by a m i r a c l e , t h e s p r i n g i s a l w a y s f u l l and a lw a y s flow ing. W hen h e r pool b e ­ c o m e s m u d d ie d , it s o o n c l e a r s .

T h e r e i s n o s a d n e s s in l i v i n g a l o n e if one h a s L o v e. No one n eed f e a r a s o l i ta r y c o u n t r y l i f e , if o n e c a n l o v e .

E d w ard New Y ork

I w o u ld lik e th e n a m e a n d a d d r e s s of th e a u t h o r of th a t e x c e l l e n t e s s a y on SH IT. W h o e v e r w r o t e t h a t i s m y t y p e of g u y . I a g r e e c o m p l e t e l y w i t h h i s c o m m e n t s on t h e s u b j e c t , a n d w a s g l a d to s e e s u c h a n a r t i c l e in p r i n t . It c o u l d o n l y h a v e a p p e a r e d in RFD. W'ith b e s t w i s h e s , G ordon H arvey

I fe e l th e e n e r g y b e h in d R F D is o u t of hum an c o n tro l. T he s p ir it w o rld has g re a t in f lu e n c e o v e r the f u t u r e of R F D .

If R F D d i s c o n t i n u e s it w i l l be f o r a p u r p o s e . I h o p e it d o e s n ' t .

R. S c o t t B o x 683 E u g e n e , O R 97401 2

I a m w r i t i n g to e x p r e s s s o m e a n g e r a n d c r i t i c i s m an d lo v e. T he love is p e r v a s i v e fo r you an d a ll R F D r e a d e r s a s faggot b r o t ­ h e r s w h o f i g h t f o r t h e r i g h t t o be o u r s e l v e s .

T he c r i t i c i s m a n d a n g e r is m o r e s p e c if i c .

W h i l e I w a s i n i t i a l l y e x c i t e d by t h e e a r l y i s s u e s of R F D 1 h a v e b e c o m e i n c r e a s i n g l y u n c o m f o r ta b le w ith the fa c t th a t you take little r e s p o n s i b i li t y to d e a l w ith th e p o litic a l a s p e c t s of o u r o p p r e s s i o n a s gay p e o p le . I a m a n g e r e d a t the c o n s c io u s n e s s th a t p e r ­ p e t u a t e s th e n o tio n th a t w e c a n e s c a p e the e v i l s o f a f u c k e d - u p w o r l d by s t a y i n g f a r , f a r a w a y f r o m the c i t i e s th a t m a n i f e s t s u c h e v il s . I h a v e n o th in g a g a i n s t c o u n tr y liv in g n o r do I th in k c it y liv in g is s u p e r i o r to c o u n ­ tr y liv in g . I do have s o m e th in g a g a i n s t p r o ­ m o tin g c o u n t e r - c u l t u r e c o n s c io u s n e s s . To m e a lot of the u n d e rly in g p e r s p e c t iv e s and to n e s of R F D a r t i c l e s s e e m lin k e d in to b e ­ l i e v i n g in s o m e t y p e of a l t e r n a t i v e l i f e s t y l e w ill r e m o v e th a t r e a l it y . To den y th is is to m a k e a f u t i l e a t t e m p t t o e s c a p e f r o m w h a t a c t u a l l y i s . I n o tic e th a t m o s t of y o u r a r t i c l e s a r e g e a r e d to w a rd w hite m en who h av e p r o b a b ly d r o p p e d o u t of s c h o o l a n d t h e n s o c i e t y i n t o a q u i e t l i f e in t h e c o u n t r y . If a n y o f y o u a r e s i n c e r e l y c o m m i t t e d to e n d i n g g a y o p p r e s s i o n t h e n y o u s h o u l d r e a l i z e th a t t h e r e a r e th o u s a n d s of g a y m e n a n d w o m e n w h o a r e u n a b l e to f l o a t a w a y to t h e c o u n t r y . T h e r e a r e t h o s e o f u s h e r e in th e c ity w ho a r e t r a p p e d h e r e in a v i c i o u s c i r c l e o f a t t e m p t i n g to s u r v i v e in a r a c i s t , c l a s s i s t and s e x i s t s o c ie ty w hile a t the s a m e t i m e a t t e m p t i n g to m a i n t a i n s o m e i n t e g r i t y i n o u r l i v e s by b e i n g p r i n c i p l e d a n d p o l i t i c a l in f i g h t i n g b a c k a g a i n s t s t r a i g h t , w h i t e c a p ­ i t a l i s t p ig s . W h ile you p r o d u c e i s s u e s w ith cu te little d o m e h o u se s n e stle d u n d e r a s t a r y sky and s ile n tly c o v e re d w ith a f r e s h b l a n k e t o f s n o w on t h e c o v e r , w e a r e b u s y i n t h i s s o c a l l e d " g a y m e c c a " t r y i n g to g e t i t t o g e t h e r to j u s t s u r v i v e a b u s r i d e w i t h ­ o u t g e t t i n g h a s s l e d on t h e w a y to t h e p a r k .

N o, c ity life is n ot g l a m o r o u s . B ut fo r s o m e of us w ho a r e p o o r , t r a n s e x u a l , n o n ­ w h i t e - w o r k i n g c l a s s , t h e r e a r e no o t h e r a l t e r n a t i v e s t h a n to o v e r t h r o w t h e s t i n k i n g s y s t e m t h a t r u i n s o u r l i v e s e v e r y c h a n c e it g e ts . No o r g a n ic g a r d e n s o r m a c r a m e p lan t h a n g e r s w ill e a s e o u r s itu a tio n s .

S o c i a l i s t f e m i n i s t r e v o lu t i o n is o u r only hope fo r an a lte rn a tiv e .

E ith e r s u p p o rt us ta k in g th e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y to m a k e th e n e c ­ e s s a r y p o l it i c a l c o n n e c tio n s of o u r o p p r e s ­ s i o n w i t h t h e s o c i a l / e c o n o m i c s y s t e m we have fo rc e d upon us o r send us a ll bus t i c ­

k e t s s o t h a t w e t o o c a n i n d u l g e in t h e l u x u r y of a n a l t e r n a t i v e l i f e s t y l e .

In l o v e a n d r e v o l u t i o n , Toni K ennedy 506 14th S F 9 4 1 0 3

K r a c k e r d o g f a r m is a 'o n e m a n 1 h o m e ­ s t e a d two m i l e s in la n d f r o m th e P a c i f i c c o a s t in C e n t r a l C a l i f o r n i a : s t e e p t e r r a i n and d e n s e f o r e s t of R e d w o o d , T a n b a r k O ak W illo w s, Bay e tc .

B egun tw o y e a r s a g o f r o m s c r a t c h , m y s u r p r i s e i s t h a t it i s w orking. The f i r s t y e a r saw a t r a i l e r , c h ic k en s, s e m i- o r c h a r d and v eg etab le g a r ­ d e n , the s e c o n d , a s m a l l t o o ls h e d , s t i ll not c o m p le te w a t e r s y s t e m , g o a ts , wood to b u i l d a h o u s e a n d d o v e s a n d p h e a s a n t s f o r p l e a s u r e . T h e g o a l is to h a v e a w o r ­ king ty p e h o m e s t e a d w i t h l it t le u s e o f c o m ­ m e r c i a l p o w e r and the o t h e r 'u m b i l i c a l c o rd ' type c o n n e c tio n s w ith la r g e d e n s e ly p o p u l a t e d a r e a s . A h o m e b a s e to t r a v e l a w a y f r o m a n d c o m e h o m e to .

I a m i n t e r e s t e d in s h a r i n g i n f o r m a t i o n w ith o t h e r s w ho a r e d o in g s o m e w h a t the s a m e th in g . A m tw e n ty - n in e and t h ir t y s h o u l d s e e m e in a h o u s e . T h e r e i s m u c h to be r e - l e a r n e d a b o u t l i f e o n t h i s p l a n e t for m e , a f o r m e r c ity type d w e l le r . L ove to r u n in m e a d o w s , w a l k i n t h e f o r e s t s .

Hope a ll is w e ll a t R F D and a h a p p ie r m o r e n a t u r a l l i f e to e v e r y o n e .

K im B uchanan c / o P O B o x 22 3 1 C a r m e l , CA 9 3 9 2 1

3

G old-fyn

Com/er.sa.'tioyis T h i s t a p e w a s m a d e by a g r o u p o f g a y m e n a l l l i v i n g in W o lf C r e e k , O r e g o n . T h e r e f e r e n c e to w o r k d a y r e f e r s t o a d a y o n c e a w e e k w h e n w e g e t t o g e t h e r t o h e l p e a c h o t h e r o n v a r i o u s p r o ­ j e c t s . E a c h w e e k a d i f f e r e n t p e r s o n h a s c o n t r o l t o d e c i d e w h a t he w a n t s d o n e o n h i s d a y .

W o r k d a y t a k e s p l a c e e i t h e r u p a t L i l a c r i d g e , w h e r e l i v e S e a n , S a m u e l , a n d L a n d o n ; d o w n in G o ld e n w h e r e C a r l l iv e s w ith A lla n o r a t th e C r e e k la n d w h e r e G e o r g e m o v e d f r o m G o l d e n the d a y we m a d e th is ta p e . W e hope th is a r t i c l e w ill sh e d s o m e lig h t on w h a t o u r l iv e s a r e a b o u t.

G e o r g e : I g a t h e r , C a r l th a t y o u 'r e n o t g o in g to be w o r k in g a l o t on the m a g a z i n e and t h a t m e a n s t h a t w e ' r e g o i n g t o r e a l l y h a v e t o l e a r n h o w t o d o i t. . . l i k e o c c a s i o n a l l y a s k y o u f o r d e t a i l s . I r e a l l y th in k t h a t 's good. We do th a t a lo t of the t im e w h e n one of u s h a s th a t k n o w le d g e , and w e ll, I k n o w 1 d i d s o m e o f t h a t u p in E l w a w h e r e I d i d n ' t m a s t e r s o m e o f t h e d e t a i l s b e c a u s e y o u w e r e t h e r e . . . and I r e g r e t it now.

C a r l : Y e a h , I w a s j u s t t h i n k i n g a b o u t t h e t a p e a n d w e l l , h ow a r e w e g o i n g to g e t a l l o f t h i s d o n e ? T h e n r e a l i z i n g I d o n ' t h a v e t o w o r r y a b o u t t h a t , I d o n ' t h a v e to r e s o l v e a l l o f t h a t . T h e n I w a s w o n d e r i n g , w a s t h a t s o r t of i r r e s p o n s i b l e o r , w e ll, b u t it w a s a r e a l n ic e f e e lin g a n d , w e l l , t h e c l o c k w a s g o n n a go a r o u n d n o m a t t e r w h a t I d o s o I ' l l j u s t s e e w h a t h a p p e n s .

G e o rg e : U h u m m m . T o k e , toke, S a m u e l : Is t h e t a p e o n n o w ?

G e o r g e : Y e s , y o u ' r e o n , y o u ' r e on! ! ! You w a n n a s a y h e l l o to m o t h e r ?

S a m u e l: H e llo b a c k e a s t ' H e llo J u lie and Ja n e .

G e o r g e : O h , t h e m a g a z i n e i s d i s t r i b u t e d i n E n g l a n d n o w s o I c a n s a y h e l l o to m y g r a n d m o t h e r in C a m b r i d g e .

4

S am uel: Landon:

W a i t n o w , t h e t a p e i s o n o r o ff h u h ?

I t ' s on!

C a r l : ’i e s , y o u r e a l l o w e d t o s a y a n y t h i n g y o u w a n t . . . in t h o s e t r a n s c r i p t s o f s o v i e t c o n g r e s s e s t h e y a l w a y s p u t in p a r e n t h e s i s t u m u l t o u s a p p l a u s e , o r l a u g h t e r , o r w e c o u l d p u t in t h e m i d d l e of a s e n t e n c e f o r G e o r g e . . . t o k e , t o k e .

S e a n : I t h i n k a s w e g e t i n t o t h i s m o r e w e ' l l f i n d o u t j u s t how s t r o n g t h a t l e a d e r s h i p r o l e i s a n d a t w h at point e a c h of u s r e a lly f e e ls e x h a u s te d .

G e o r g e : I k n o w l a t e l y I ' v e b e e n t h i n k i n g a l o t a b o u t w h a t w e n e e d a n d g e t t i n g a tew- t h i n g s f r o m C a r l , lik e the t y p e w r it e r , S a m u e l : I t h i n k i t ' s r e a l l y v a l i d to h a v e s o m e o n e t a k e c a r e of c e r t a i n t h i n g s l i k e t h e m a i l i n g , b u t in g e n e r a l t e r m s i t s e e m s l i k e i t d o e s n ' t r e a l l y h a v e t o be a n y o n e t h a t ' s r e a l l y i n c h a r g e .

L i k e i f w e r e a l l w i l l i n g t o t a k e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y a n d n o t n e c e s s a r i l y h a v e o n e p e r s o n to d o i t.

G e o r g e : A n d b e a w a r e o f i t . L i k e t h e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y t h a t I h a v e t h i s t i m e . I ' d l i k e t o b o w o u t in t h e f a l l i s s u e . I m i g h t b e i n t o w o r k i n g o n t h e m a g a z i n e , b u t t h e r e ' l l h a v e t o be s o m e o n e w h o know s a ll th a t I know.

L a n d o n : Y e a h , a n d t h a t t a k e s t h e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r s o m e o n e to b e w i l l i n g to l e a r n a l l t h a t a n d t o d o t h a t . It s a l o t G e o r g e ! I m e a n u n l e s s s o m e o n e i s d o i n g a l o t o f t h e w o r k y o u ' r e d o i n g w i t h y o u , i t ' s k i n d o f a big s h i f t o f r e s p o n s i b i l i t y a l m o s t t o j u s t s a y o k , I ' l l t r y i t n e x t t i m e .

G e o r g e : W e ll, t h e r e ' s la y in g o u t, a n d w e l l, I m e a n it i s n ' t t h a t m u c h .

L a n d o n : O h , I th o u g h t you w e r e ta lk in g a b o u t th e o t h e r th in g s y o u 'r e d o in g on th e m a g a z i n e .

G e o r g e : N o , n o , i t ' s c l e a r I ' m g o n n a be d o i n g t h e f a c i l i t a t i n g f o r a w h i l e .

S a m u e l : W e l l , m a y b e i f i n t h i s i s s u e , i f w e ' r e a l l t a k i n g p a r t in t h o s e t h i n g s , y o u k n o w n o t j u s t d e l e g a t i n g i t a l l t o o n e p e r s o n , t h o s e h a s s l e s w o n ' t h a p p e n . I t h i n k y o u t a k e a lo t o f t h o s e t h i n g s on y o u r s e l f G e o r g e .

L a n d o n : W e ll, I th in k i t ' s r e a l l y e a s y to l e t s o m e o n e e l s e d o it and I th in k we d e a l w ith a lo t of t h i n g s t h a t w a y . L i k e o n w o r k d a y , a l l t h e w o r k t h a t w a s g o i n g on a t m y h o u s e , a l o t o f p r e s s u r e p e o p le a s k i n g m e lik e how do I do t h i s , how do I do th a t , e v e r y t h in g w a s L a n d o n , L a n d o n , till f i n a l l y I j u s t g o t r e a l t i r e d of it a n d I j u s t to ld S e a n , I j u s t d i d n 't w a n t to t a l k to a n y b o d y . I t ' s kind of h a r d th e n to p ut s o m e o n e in t h a t p o s itio n .

S a m u e l: U p to t h i s p o in t I h a v e n 't r e a l l y had a s e n s e of w o rk in g f o r R F D . I t 's j u s t b e e n r e a l l y v a g u e and I th in k w h e n we a c t u a l l y s t a r t I 'l l g e t m o r e of a s e n s e of w h a t n e e d s d o in g .

L a n d o n : I d o n ' t t h i n k w e ' l l be b e i n g t o g e t h e r e v e r y s i n g l e d a y o n i t j u s t c o n s t a n t l y . I t ' l l be k i n d o f n i c e , w e c a n s p a c e o u t on i t s o m e d a y s a n d n o t h a v e t o b e t h e r e c o n s t a n t l y s o t h a t w e ' l l h a v e tim e fo r o u rs e lv e s .

G e o rg e : Yeha G e o r g e : Y e ah , I fe e l t h a t 's r e a l i m p o r t a n t fo r m y life to o b e c a u s e t h e r e a r e s o m e th in g s I j u s t a b s o l u t e l y n e ed to do b e tw e e n now a n d w h e n th e g o a ts a r e c o m i n g . T h e o t h e r s id e of th a t is t h e r e s a h e l l of a l o t o f w o r k to d o on t h i s m a g a z i n e a n d i t s i m p o r t a n t t h a t w h e n w e a r e t o g e t h e r t o b e c o m m i t t e d t o r e a l l y w o r k i n g h a r d , a n d n o t j u s t g o o f i n g w i t h i t , you k n o w ? W e c o u l d h e a d th is t a p e , " T h e i s s u e of w o r k an d the i s s u e of l e a d e r s h i p . " S a m u e l: A h, I 'v e b e e n th in k in g a b o u t w o r k d a y , a n d I know one of th e th in g s th a t s o m e t i m e s is a p r o b l e m w ith m e is lik e if s o m e b o d y is r e a l l y in to doing s o m e th i n g lik e the l a s t w o r k d a y w h e n I w a s w o r k i n g on t h e f e n c e you k n o w ? I f e l t l i k e a f t e r a w h i l e I w a s k i n d o f b u r n t o u t on i t a n d I w a n t e d t o s o r t of s t o p a n d d o s o m e t h i n g e l s e b u t I f e l t a r e a l e x p e c t a t i o n c o m i n g f r o m y o u , C a r l , a n d f r o m A l l a n . I f e e l s o m e k i n d o f a j u d g e m e n t s o m e t i m e s c o m i n g f r o m you w h i c h c a r r i e s o v e r to w o r k , lik e I m n o t d o in g e n o u g h w o r k o r s o m e t h i n g . How do you fe e l a b o u t t h is ?

C a r l : W e l l , I w a s c e r t a i n l y h o p i n g to g e t i t d o n e !

S a m u e l: W ell, how do you fe e l a b o u t it?

C a r l: W e ll, I fe e l lik e we got a lo t d o n e . I w a s th in k in g m o r e a b o u t w h a t the t r e e s w ould look lik e if th e d e e r e a t t h e m th a n th in k in g a b o u t you.

S a m u e l: I w a n t to m a k e s u r e I w a s n ' t b e in g ju d g e d .

C a r l: W e ll, o ne of th e th in g s I lik e a b o u t w o r k d a y is i t ' s a w a y to s o r t of s k i r t s o m e of th o s e p r o b l e m s . I d o n ' t k n o w i f I d o j u d g e o r n o t , if t h a t ' s g o o d o r b a d o r w h a t .

S a m u e l : W h e t h e r i t ' s g o o d o r b a d , I ' m s a y i n g h o w I f e e l , you k n o w ? I ' m n o t c o n d e m n i n g , I ' m j u s t s a y i n g h o w I f e e l . A n d I ' d l i k e to h e a r i f y o u h a v e a n y f e e l i n g i n r e s p o n s e t o t h a t .

G e o r g e : C o u l d y o u m a y b e s a y w h a t y o u ' r e f e e l i n g n ow C a r l , n o t a b o u t j u d g e m e n t a n d w h a t a l l t h a t m e a n s , b u t h o w d o y o u f e e l t h a t he s a i d t h a t t o y o u ?

C a r l: W e ll, I 'v e b e e n fe e lin g a l i e n a t e d a ll m o r n in g , and not lik in g p e o p le .

S a m u e l : I f e l t w h e n I s a i d t h a t you f e l t k i n d o f b a d a b o u t t h e w h o l e t h i n g .

Sean: A h, w a s it p a r tl y th e w ay I w oke you up th is m o r n i n g 9 G e o r g e : You k n o w I f e e l t h a t in y o u C a r l , a n d I s o r t o f h a v e a n u n d e r s t a n d i n g of h o w you f e e l t h a t w a y . B u t m y f e e l i n g i s t h a t y o u d o b e l o n g h e r e . In p r i n c i p l e a n d w e l l , I j u s t f e e l you h e r e .

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I t h i n k t h a t ' s p a r t l y t h e v e h i c l e of w o r k d a y .

And w e 'v e d e fin e d a w a y in w h ic h w e 'r e a c o m m u n ­

i ty a n d in t h a t w a y a l l o f u s a t d i f f e r e n t p o i n t s g o t h r o u g h n o t f e e l i n g p a r t o f t h e c o m m u n i t y . I f e e l t h a t y o u ' r e in t h a t p l a c e a l o t . I d o n ' t w a n t t o g e t i n t o p a r t i c u l a r s w i t h y o u , a n d w o r k d a y d o e s n 't b r in g up th o s e s i t u a t i o n s .

S a m u e l : W e ll, I th in k t h a t 's i m p o r t a n t a n d y e t I th in k if t h e r e a r e f e e l in g s t h a t h a p p e n d u r i n g w o r k d a y th e y sh o u ld be ta lk e d a b o u t a t s o m e p o in t, m a y b e a t th e end of w o r k d a y . I 'm c u r i o u s th o u g h w hy you d o n 't w a n t to g e t in to t h e s e f e e l i n g s .

C a r l: I t 's ju s t too m u ch .

L a n d o n : Y ou m e a n t o be e m o t i o n a l l y d r a i n i n g ?

C a r l: I t 's ju s t not w h at I w an t to be doin g w ith m y life .

G e o r g e : W e l l , w h a t d o y o u w a n t to d o ? I k n o w I r e a l l y w a n t to h e a r t h a t f r o m y o u . T h a t ' s b e e n a r e a l f r u s t r a t i o n in m y k n o w in g you. I h a v e a s e n s e in r e t r o s p e c t of w h a t you f e lt a t a p a r t i c u l a r t i m e , but I a lw a y s h a v e to f i g u r e i t out. I th in k th a t one th in g I n e e d f r o m you is an a r t i c u l a t i o n o f w h a t y o u w a n t a n d w h a t y o u n e e d n o w , s o I k n o w w h e r e y o u a r e . So w e c a n be c o m f o r ta b le w ith e a c h o th e r.

L a n d o n : I g u e s s I c a n s e e C a r l ' s n e e d m o r e t h r o u g h w o r k i n g on t h e b a r n t h a t h e w a n t s f i n i s h e d a n d w o r k i n g o n h i s h o u s e . A l o t o f C a r l ' s n e e d s c o m e t h r o u g h t h a t . T h e w a y I t h i n k I f e l t in t e r m s of c o m m u n ity f r o m vou the m o s t C a r l , is w h e n w e 'v e b e e n w o rk in g .

G e o r g e : A nd I l o v e t h a t .

L a n d o n : I t h i n k y o u r o u t l e t s a r e m o r e i n t e r m s o f d a n c e a n d w o r k i n g t o g e t h e r . I s e e it m o r e i n t e r m s of t h a t t h a n y o u b e i n g p a r t o f a c h a n g e i n t h e c o m m u n i t y ; I m e a n l i k e S e a n , S a m u e l a n d I g o t h r o u g h a l o t of d i f f e r e n t c h a n g e s t o g e t h e r s i n c e w e a l l j u s t m o v e d t o g e t h e r . S o a l o t o f t h e t h i n g s w e a r e g o i n g t h r o u g h y o u d o n ' t n e e d t o g o t h r o u g h . So i t k i n d o f s e t s y o u a s i d e . A n d t h e th in g s th a t G e o r g e is going t h r o u g h , lik e m o v in g to th e C r e e k P l a c e , w h e r e a s you C a r l , y o u r liv in g s itu a tio n is s e ttle d . T h a t 's why I th in k C a r l g e ts in a w h o le d i f f e r e n t p o s itio n th an we do.

S a m u e l : B u t I t h i n k t h a t w e ' r e a l l g o i n g t h r o u g h c h a n g e s . I t ' s j u s t a m a t t e r of h o w m u c h w e a ll w a n t to d e a l w ith e a c h o t h e r in t e r m s of t h o s e c h a n g e s . I th in k t h a t C a r l h a s a r i g h t not t o w a n t to .

G e o r g e : W e ll, w h e n we w e r e m a i l i n g the s p r i n g i s s u e , I th o u g h t a b o u t how you lik e to c o m p l a in a l o t , S a m u e l . And t h a t ' s f in e , but I f e e l t h a t you d i r e c t th e c o m p l a i n t to m e , to m a k e m e r e s ­ p o n sib le fo r fin ish in g the w o rk .

You c o n t i n u a l l y g i v e m e t h o s e r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s a n d d o n ' t t a k e t h e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y . L i k e , w e l l , o k , I ' l l go s m o k e a j o i n t f o r a n h o u r b u t t o be d o i n g t h a t w i t h t h e i d e a t h a t w e h a v e t o g e t t h i s d o n e by t o n i g h t o r m a y b e w e n e e d t o r e t h i n k t h a t w e d o n ' t n e e d to g e t i t d o n e by t o n i g h t . B u t t h a t ' s a q u e s t i o n o f f a g g o t s ' r e l a t i o n s h i p to w o r k . T h e r e ' s w a y s in w h i c h w e ' r e l i b e r a t e d i n r e l a t i o n s h i p t o w o r k , t h e r e ' s w a y s t h a t w e ' r e o p p r e s s e d .

T h a t's o n e t h i n g I ' m e x c i t e d a b o u t w o r k i n g o n , w o r k i n g o n i t t h r o u g h t h a t v e h i c l e . A nd a l s o w o r k i n g t h r o u g h it on t h e v e h i c l e o f e m o t i o n s . T h e y o v e r l a p c e r t a i n l y b u t t h e y ' r e d i f f e r e n t f o c u s e s f o r su re .

S a m u e l: W e ll, I do th in k th a t i t 's t r u e th a t I do give p o w e r to o t h e r p e o p le a t t i m e s . I 'm g iv in g th e o t h e r p e r s o n th e p o w e r to m a k e a d e c i s i o n on how th in g s sh o u ld b e , i n s t e a d of j u s t s a y in g , w e l l , I ' m g o i n g to d o t h i s f o r a w h i l e a n d t h e n I ' l l s t o p f o r a w h i l e . I t h i n k I ' d l i k e to l e a r n h ow not to a lw a y s g iv e th e o t h e r p e r s o n the p o w e r s o I c a n f e e l ok a b o u t w h a t I 'm d o in g on m y ow n.

S e a n : I w a s w o n d e r i n g , C a r l , how m u c h you e x p e c t e d in t e r m s of t h a t jo b a n d g e tt i n g it f i n is h e d

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b e c a u s e p e r s o n a l l y I fe lt th at if you w a n te d m o r e , you w o u ld 'v e s a id so . T h a t 's j u s t one of m y m e th o d s of w o rk in g ; I d o n 't k ill m y s e lf .

C a r l: W e ll, th a t job is s u c h a big one th a t I j u s t fig u r e d t h a t w h a t e v e r g ot d o n e th a t d a y , w e 'r e j u s t t h a t m u c h f u r t h e r a h e a d . I d i d n ' t r e a l l y h a v e a g o a l . 1 f e l t a l i t t l e u n e a s y , t h o u g h , howla te w e s t a r t e d . I h ad a s e n s e th a t had p e o p le g o tte n h e r e e a r l i e r , w e c o u ld h a v e got m o r e d o n e. B u t o nce w e got s t a r t e d , it f e lt r e a l good to m e .

S a m u e l: W e ll, I g u e s s p a r t of it w a s th a t 1 fe lt g u ilty th a t we had c o m e dow n so l a t e , and th en w h e n we got t h e r e , we w e r e j u s t fo o lin g a r o u n d f o r a w h ile . And th e n w e d id a few b o a r d s and t h e b e e s s t a r t e d s w a r m i n g . A nd I f e l t it w a s m y o w n e x p e c t a t i o n t h a t I w a n t t o b e a b l e t o c o n ­ t r ib u t e a lo t e a c h w o r k d a y , an d we had only w o r k e d fo r tw o o r t h r e e h o u r s a n d I a l r e a d y fe lt t i r e d b e c a u s e it w a s lik e 5 o 'c l o c k a l r e a d y a nd I fe lt g u ilty a b o u t be in g t i r e d b e c a u s e I h a d n 't done th a t m u c h w o r k . M a y b e I put it o n to you p a r t l y , s a y in g , w e ll, y o u 'r e m a k in g m e fe el g u ilty w h e n a c t u a l l y I w a s d o in g it to m y s e l f .

L andon: I fe e l funny a b o u t w o rk d a y s o m e t i m e s b e c a u s e s o m e t i m e s you, C a r l , and A lla n w o rk r e a l h a r d u p a t o u r p l a c e . I t r y to n o t w o r r y a b o u t i t bu t t r y t o e m p h a s i z e t h e f a c t t h a t I w a n t it to be a r e l a x e d d a y w h e n a lo t of t h in g s g e t d o n e b u t i t ' s n o t r e a l p r e s s u r e d , p u s h in g y o u r s e l f .

A nd i t ' s r e a l h a r d w o r k i n g w i t h E d b e c a u s e h e o v e r w o r k s a n d I j u s t f e e l r e a l g u i l t y w h e n I w a s w o r k i n g w i t h h i m b e c a u s e I f e l t t h e w h o l e d a y t h a t I w a s u n d e r w o r k i n g . A nd t h a t ' s s o m e t h i n g I t a l k e d a b o u t w i t h E d , h i s a l w a y s h a v i n g to o v e r w o r k . W e t a l k e d a b o u t w h e r e t h a t c a m e f r o m .

He f e e l s h a p p y an d c o m f o r t a b l e w ith th a t .

G e o rg e : 1 c e r t a i n l y h av e th a t g u ilt fe e lin g . I g u e s s in a lo t of w ay s ab o u t w o rk I fe el lik e I s h a r e y o u r b e n t , C a r l . W e l l , I ' v e s o r t o f t a k e n o v e r s o m e of t h e r o l e s y o u ' v e p l a y e d in t h i s c o m m u n ­ ity w h ile you do s o m e th i n g e l s e . B ut a l s o , on e th in g th a t I ' m c o n s c io u s of w h e n I 'm d i r e c t i n g th e w o r k i n s o m e s o r t of w a y I a l w a y s r e m e m b e r t h a t w h e n I w o r k w i t h y o u I e n d u p f e e l i n g r e a l l y

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l o o s e b e c a u s e y o u w o r k in l o t s o f w a y s l i k e a k i d .

T h e r e ' s t h a t kind of s t o n e d n e s s in th e w a y

you a p p r o a c h it. A t t h i s p o i n t a l o t t h a t ' s w h a t I u s e d o p e f o r , t o g e t t o t h a t p l a c e . A n d I w a n t t o l e a r n t o j u s t be i n t h a t p l a c e , r e l a t e t o w o r k i n t h a t w a y . You k n o w , 1 c a n g e t r e a l s e r i o u s a b o u t a l l t h a t i n t e r n a l i z e d g u i l t s o r t o f s t u f f . I t a c t s a s a w i n d o w to w-ork f o r m e , a n d i t ' s r e a l good to u n d e r s t a n d t h a t. Y e ah , i t ' s s e r i o u s , but we c a n lo o k a t it k in d of lik e p lay .

C a r l: W e ll, th a t w o r k - p l a y d i s t i n c t i o n is r e a l f in e . We s o r t of lo o k a t w o r k a s s o m e th i n g w e h a v e t o d o . P l a y c a n be h a r d , b u t w o r k i s t h e s t u f f y o u ' r e s u p p o s e d to d o a n d p l a y i s t h e o t h e r thin g .

L a n d o n : W e l l , y o u ' r e n o t s u p p o s e d to f e e l g o o d a b o u t w o r k b e c a u s e i t ' s w o r k .

S a m u e l: W e ll, m o s t of th e t im e I fe e l r e a l l y good a b o u t w o r k in g . W ell, I th in k th a t if w e 'r e a l l r e a l l y c o m m i t t e d to w o r k i n g w e c a n j u s t a c c e p t t h e f a c t t h a t w e a l l h a v e d i f f e r e n t p a c e s . I t h i n k t h a t ’s i m p o r t a n t .

C a r l : M a y b e t h e p r o c e s s o f w o r k d a y i s a s h a r i n g , o r b e g i n n i n g to i d e n t i f y w i t h w h a t e a c h o t h e r w a n t s . L i k e you d o n ' t r e a l l y c a r e w h e t h e r t h a t f e n c e i s d o n e s o y o u g e t q u i c k l y a l i e n a t e d f r o m i t a n d b o r e d by it.

S a m u e l : T h a t ' s h ow I f e e l s o m e t i m e s d u r i n g w o r k d a y , t h a t e v e n t h o u g h I m a y n o t be i n t o i t , I ' m i n t o i t , u s u a l l y b e c a u s e s o m e o n e e l s e n e e d s i t d o n e . L i k e I c o u l d h a t e f o l k d a n c i n g a n d n o t be i n t e r e s t e d i n r e s t o r i n g t h e b a r n b u t s t i l l be i n t o i t b e c a u s e i t w a s s o m e t h i n g t h a t w a s p o s i t i v e f o r the c o m m u n i ty .

G e o r g e : B ut I th in k th a t one of th e p o w e r s of w o r k d a y is b e c a u s e w e ' r e a ll in v o lv e d w ith e a c h o t h e r ' s v i s i o n s . In f a c t w e d o b e c o m e i n v o l v e d a t o t h e r l e v e l s . T h e f a c t i s , y o u a r e i n t o c o u n ­ t r y d a n c in g . T h a t c e r t a i n l y g iv e s m e a w h o le d i f f e r e n t e n e r g y a b o u t the b a r n , th a t I 'm in to it and s e e it in m y i n t e r e s t to. . .

C a r l : W e ll, I w a s fe e lin g th a t a b o u t y o u r h o u s e , L a n d o n , th e d a y w e w o r k e d on it. It w a s a w a y i n w h i c h I c o u l d r e l a t e to i t . It w a s n ' t j u s t t h i s t h i n g t h a t L a n d o n d i d . I f e l t p a r t of i t a n d it m a k e s m e f e e l m u c h m o r e w e l c o m e to be in L a n d o n 's h o u s e .

L a n d o n : W e l l , t h a t ' s s o m e t h i n g a b o u t w o r k d a y t h a t I l i k e , l i k e t h e p a t h w e m a d e . I t ' s g o i n g to b e u s e d by e v e r y b o d y . E v e r y b o d y ' s p u t t i n g e n e r g y i n t o t h a t p a t h , w h i c h i s r e a l l y n i c e . T h e b e s t p a r t of w o r k d a y is th e e n d , w h e n you lo o k b a c k a n d s e e how m u c h h a s b e e n d o n e .

C a r l : T h e r e ' s s o r t o f a t i g h t l i n e a b o u t b e i n g o p p r e s s i v e by w o r k i n g t o o h a r d . A l l a n a n d I h a v e t h a t p r o b l e m a ll th e t i m e . M y w o r k e n e r g y m a k e s h i m f e e l i n c o m p e t e n t a n d n o t w a n tin g to w o r k a n y m o r e . So l a r g e l y w e d o n ' t w o r k t o g e t h e r , b u t w h e n w e d o w o r k t o g e t h e r , i t ' s r e a l l o a d e d , and we h a v e to d e s i g n it r e a l c a r e f u l l y , s to p and t a l k a n d k in d of w o r k it t h r u . It w o r k s a lo t , but i t's s till r e a l fra g ile .

B ut th e n w hen we w o r k w ith e v e r y b o d y e l s e , so m e h o w t h a t 's n ot a s l o a d e d . WTe c a n s e e e a c h o t h e r o n a s p e c t r u m , n o t j u s t h i m o n o n e s i d e o f t h e a r g u m e n t a n d m e on t h e o t h e r . L i k e , he c a n w a t c h y o u , a n d t h i n k o h , h o w m u c h l i k e C a r l , L a n d o n i s w i t h o u t fe e lin g n e g a tiv e a b o u t it, an d th e n he c a n s e e m e not so n e g a tiv e ly .

G e o r g e : O n e t h i n g t h a t we s a i d e a r l i e r t h a t I w a n t e d t o t a l k a l i t t l e a b o u t : A b o u t t h e f a c t t h a t th e t h r e e of you liv e t o g e t h e r on th e r i d g e a n d I ' m m o v in g to th e C r e e k a n d C a r l liv in g h e r e . I t h i n k t h a t ' s o n e o f t h e s t r e n g t h s of o u r c o m m u n i t y , t h a t w e l i v e o n l a n d s e p a r a t e l y f r o m e a c h o t h e r . W e ' l l b e s p r e a d o u t w i t h i n 10 m i l e s . A nd t h e r e ' s d i f f e r e n t f o c u s e s o n t h o s e d i f f e r e n t p i e c e s of lan d and d i f f e r e n t th in g s w e ' r e w o r k in g th r o u g h . C e r t a i n l y a s t h e r e a r e m o r e of u s , w e l e a r n to t r e a s u r e b o t h t h e s i m i l a r i t i e s a n d t h e d i f f e r e n c e s b e c a u s e t h e d i f f e r e n c e s w i l l p a rtly c re a te sp ace.

You k n o w , i f a l l of u s w e r e l i v i n g t o g e t h e r , I m e a n , c a n y o u i m a g i n e ? I m e a n , t h e r e w o u ld n 't be a n y t i m e to b r e a t h e d e e p .

S a m u e l: T h a t 's a lm o s t w h at h a p p e n s on the rid g e !

C a r l: I h ave th is s e n s e th a t w h en peo p le c o m e w i t h a n e y e to m o v i n g h e r e , t h e y ' l l be a b l e to f in d a p l a c e t h a t ' s m o r e a p p r o p ­ r i a t e t o t h e m . T h e r e w i l l be m o r e c h o i c e , t h e r e w i l l be d i f f e r e n t s e t s of p e r s o n a l i t i e s , differen t m oods. B ecau se su re ly our d if­ f e r e n t p l a c e s e x p r e s s th o s e d iffe re n c e s '.

G e o r g e : J u s t th e p h y s i c a l d i f f e r e n c e s of the t h r e e p l a c e s is r e a l l y i n c r e d i b l e !

S A M I E L SUNNTNG

8

CARL

G E O R G E TO K IN G

S a m u e l: Is the ta p e off? T h e r e 's l e s s p r e s s u r e !

G e o r g e : It i s !

C a rl: Say s o m e th in g e x c itin g , s c in tilla te !

S a m u el: W ell, I w e n t to th is g lo r y ho le. . . (la u g h te r) G e o rg e: Uh huh. . .

S a m u e l : W e l l , I w e n t to t h e b a t h r o o m a t t h e t r u c k s t o p i n W o l f C r e e k . I j u s t h a p p e n e d t o n o t i c e t h a t a ll th e w a l ls w e r e lik e t r u c k e r s t e l l in g o t h e r t r u c k e r s a ll a b o u t th e g l o r y h o l e s a t th e r e s t s to p s a ll u p and d o w n 1 -5 , th is an d th a t b o o k s t o r e in S a l e m an d th a t k in d of s tu ff. K in d of i n ­ t e r e s t i n g , I d o n 't know!

L a n d o n . T h e t r u c k e r s a r e g o i n g t o f i n d o u t t h e r e ' s t h i s b ig g a y c o m m u n i t y u p h e r e * S a m u el: Y eah, th ro u g h the to ile ts !

G e o rg e : W ell, at le a s t th e r e a r e c o n c re te d ir e c tio n s .

S a m u e l : I w a s a m a z e d a t t h i s w o m a n t h a t ' s w o r k i n g a t th e Hung W o lf n o w , t h is r e a l l y s e x y w o m a n . T h e y g o t t h i s new w a i t r e s s , I c o u l d n 't b e l i e v e s h e w a s in W o lf C r e e k , I t h o u g h t m a y ­ be th e y h i r e d h e r in H o lly w o o d , o r s o m e t h i n g . I t ' s j u s t i n c r e d i b l e , s h e w a s r e a l l y b e a u t i f u l , like t h e y 'r e r e a l l y t r y in g to g e t t h o s e t r u c k e r s in t h e r e . R e a l s e x y , and j u s t lo o k in g r e a l s o p h i s t i c a t e d , s h e d i d n 't s e e m to fit in t h e r e .

C a rl: T h a t 's w h e r e H ollyw ood p e o p le c o m e f r o m o r ig in a lly .

Sam : T h a t 's t r u e , p e o p le go in th is r e s t a u r a n t and s e e th is g i r l in t h e r e .

C a r l: ( i n t e r r u p t i n g ) F r o m W olf C r e e k , O r e g o n ! ( L a u g h t e r ) L an d o n : I w o n d e r if t h a t 's h e r i m a g e ?

Sam : M a y b e , I d o n 't know , she looked p r e tty b o re d .

G e o r g e : Of c o u r s e s h e 's p r o b a b ly m a d e to d r e s s th a t w a y too! E i t h e r by h e r d i r e c t b o s s t h e r e o r by t h e i n t e r n a l i z e d o p p r e s s i o n w i t h i n h e r t h a t s a y s t h a t ' s w h a t y o u m u s t d o .

C a rl: We had a f r i e n d th a t w o rk e d t h e r e f o r a w h ile , and sh e got f i r e d b e c a u s e sh e w o u ld n 't p l a y i t u p to t h e t r u c k e r s . S h e w a s d o i n g h e r s t a t e d j o b , b u t s h e w a s n ' t d o i n g h e r " O t h e r " .

They ju st fired h e r.

L andon: F o r not b ein g a t t r a c t i v e en o u g h , you know , lik e C a rl: ( in te r r u p tin g ) W ell, bu t, lik e t h e r e 's a lo t of k in d a get it on w ith the t r u c k e r s , t h e y 'r e k in d a p o p u l a r in th o s e b e a u t i f u l ; i t ' s b e c a u s e t h e y p l a y t h e g a m e ! D i s h i t o u t!

L an d o n : I m e a n it r e a l l y a m a z e s m e t h a t th e y u s e th a t to stran g e.

not w e arin g m in i- s k ir ts . m id d le -a g e d w a i tr e s s e s , who re a lly p la c e s . It's not b e c a u se th e y 'r e l u r e in the t r u c k e r s , i t 's j u s t r e a l

S a m . \\ e l l , I c a n u n d e r s t a n d t h a t , y o u k n o w , l i k e i f y o u w e r e o n t h e r o a d a n d y o u w e r e r e a l l y a lo n e , I g u e s s t h a t w o u ld l u r e you in if you w e r e in to t h a t. I g u e s s a lo t o f t h e m g e t o ff on s e e in g ju s t r e a l s e x y w o m e n w a it on t h e m e v e n if n o th in g e ls e h a p p e n s , j u s t s o m e kind of c o n ­ ta c t w ith th at.

C a r l: W ell, b a c k e a s t a n y w a y t h o s e p l a c e s a lw a y s h a v e s o m e k in d of w h o r e h o u s e a t t a c h e d to them .

S a m : Y e a h , t h a t ’s w h a t I ' v e h e a r d .

G e o r g e : I t 's a n a n c i e n t t r a d i t i o n to o , the in n s a lw a y s had a w h o r e h o u s e .

L a n d o n : I w a s j u s t r e a d i n g w h a t N o b le h a d to s a y a b o u t p r o s t i t u t i o n . If t h e y l e g a l i z e d it and th e n th e y ta x e d it, th e n th e p a t r i a r c h a l s y s t e m w o u ld h a v e c o n tr o l o v e r it, and how it w ould be b e t t e r i f t h e l a w w e r e j u s t t a k e n o f f t h e r e c o r d s a g a i n s t p r o s t i t u t i o n - - w h i c h I n e v e r r e a l l y th o u g h t a b o u t b e f o re . T h e r e w e r e s o m e th in g s th a t r e a l ly o p en ed up to m e ; w h a t sh e s a id w as one of th e t h in g s w a s t h a t p r o s t i t u t e s h a v e to p a y p i m p s to p r o t e c t t h e m s e l v e s .

L ik e , if th ey 9

go t o j a i l h e g e t s t h e l a w y e r , h e h a n d l e s t h i n g s f r o m t h e o u t s i d e , s o t h e y h a v e to p a y t h e l a w ­ y e r , p l u s ' t h e p i m p , p l u s t h e c o u r t c o s t s . You k n o w , s o t h e y ' r e r e a l l y p a y i n g t h r o u g h t h e n o s e a l l k i n d s o f d i r e c t i o n s , a n d p e o p l e j u s t s o r t of t h i n k a b o u t t h a t a s b e i n g f r e e m o n e y y o u k n o w .

I t ’s t a x f r e e , b u t a g o o d s h a r e o f t h e i r m o n e y g o e s t o t h e m e n .

G e o r g e : I t 's - - I w a s j u s t th in k in g , I th in k lik e one of th e w a y s s o c i e t y is r e a l s e x i s t t h a t w a y , is lik e w ith m a l e h u s t l e r s , th e m a l e h u s t l e r s a r e not a s s u b j e c t to g e ttin g fin a n c ia l ly , e m o ­ t io n a l ly , and s e x u a l l y r ip p e d off, a t l e a s t by o t h e r th a n c u s t o m e r s . E x c e p t, th e m a l e h u s t l e r s who s o c ie ty c o m e s down on, who g e t b u ste d , a r e the q u e e n s . , , , ....

C a r l: I th in k the d if f e r e n c e is fag g o t c u s t o m e r s a r e in tim id a te d . T h ey don t r e la te to a ll th o se "m acho" ro les.

Landon: Y eah.

W hat ab o u t R udolf V a le n tin o 's l o v e r , R a m o n N a v a r r o .

H e g o t k i l l e d by a

h u stler.

S am uel: V alen tin o w a s gay?

L a n d o n : O h y e a h ! He h a d l i t t l e p o w d e r b o x e s i n s t a l l e d i n t h e r e s t r o o m s i n t h e n i g h t c l u b s w h e r e he w o r k e d s o h e c o u l d g o i n a n d p o w d e r h i s f a c e . He w a s c a l l e d a s i s s y i n t h e n e w s ­ p a p e r s a n d r e a l l y w a s t o r m e n t e d by t h a t ! A n d w h e n he d i e d , h e d i e d o f p e r i t o n i t i s a f t e r h i s a p p e n d i x b u r s t , a n d w h i l e h e w a s d y i n g h e w a s t r y i n g to p r o v e t h a t h e w a s n ’t a s i s s y , b e c a u s e he c o u l d t a k e s o m u c h p a i n . It w a s r e a l l y h e a v y f o r h i m . R e a l h e a v y !

G eorge:

tokc | I fe e l lik e w e 'v e g iv e n a r e a l good id e a of w h a t 's h a p p e n in g h e r e a t W o lf C r e e k , and

w ith a ll the s p in o ffs f r o m w o r k day .

S e a n : I t h i n k o n e of t h e t h i n g s I ' v e b e e n r e a l c o n s c i o u s o f i n t e r m s o f w h e r e y o u ' r e m o v i n g G e o r g e , is th e d i f f e r e n c e in p r o x i m i t y , f o r s u r e , an d th a t you w o n 't be liv in g th is c lo s e and h o w t h a t w i l l a f f e c t m e i n a p e r s o n a l w a y i n t e r m s of m y c o m i n g to s e e y o u .

L a n d o n : W e ll, I fe e l r e a l l y good a b o u t t h a t c u z now w h e n I w a n t to j u s t g e t u p a n d go s o m e ­ w h e r e , I h a v e a p la c e to go. T o go s o m e w h e r e e l s e f o r a w h i l e , lik e goin g f o r a d r i v e !

(L aughter) , G e o r g e : I c e r t a i n l y th o u g h t t h a t we m ig h t g e t in to m o r e b ic y c lin g u n til we ta k e o v e r th e r a i l ­ ro a d . S te p h a n ie and I w e r e ta lk in g a b o u t th a t . . . a lo n g w ith o u r B L M s u i t to s a v e the t r e e s , w e 'r e gonna tak e o v e r the r a il r o a d . , G e o r g e : W e l l , d o w e w a n t to s e n d o u t l e t t e r s s a y i n g " B e s u r e n o t t o m i s s f u t u r e i s s u e s .

F u t u r e i n s t a l l m e n t s o f t h e s a g a , of t h e w o r l d a s s e e n t h r o u g h t h e e y e s of W o l f C r e e k ' . . .

A

p a r o c h ia l v iew ! , .

L a n d o n : I d o h a v e a l o t o f w o r r i e s a b o u t a l l of t h i s b e c a u s e , w e l l , o n e of t h e t h i n g s I ' m w o r r i e d a b o u t i s , i t 's g o in g to d r a w in a lo t of p e o p le . . . j u s t h av in g th e c o m m u n i ty k n o w n w ill d i a w a l o t of p e o p l e to c o m e h e r e .

S e a n : A nd h o w o p e n a r e w e to t h a t ?

C a r l : I s e e t h e m a s c e n d i n g f r o m o n e d o o r to t h e n e x t !

Sean- W ell t h a t 's s o m e th in g we sh o u ld ta lk m o r e ab o u t.

L andon: W ell, I know w ith p e o p le c o m in g h e r e , t h e r e 's a lr e a d y b e en a lo t a l r e a d y and s o m e ­ t i m e s I j u s t d o n ' t h a v e t h e e n e r g y a n d h o p e t h a t t h e r e a r e no m o r e c o m i n g . T h e n , I g e t r e a l u p t i g h t b e c a u s e I d o n ' t w a n t t o s a y t o p e o p l e t h a t i t ' s n o t a g o o d t i m e to c o m e a n d v i s i t , y o u k n o w , l i k e w e n e e d s o m e s p a c e o r s o m e t h i n g u p h e r e . I d o n ' t w a n t n o t t o be o p e n t o p e o p l e , b u t I d o n ' t w a n t t o be s o o p e n to p e o p l e t h a t I c a n ' t h a v e m y o w n f e e l i n g s , t o o .

X X xx xxx x x x x x x x x

(T he ta p e ru n s out.

A f t e r a w h ile we n o tic e a n d t u r n it o v e r . )

Sean: A b o u t g e ttin g , you know , ab o u t b ein g lo n e ly and . . . .

G e o r g e : B u t if y o u a s k f o r i t m a y b e y o u 'd f e e l s t r o n g a n d t h e n b e a b le to g e t it.

S e a n : B u t I d o n ' t g e t i t -----. . . . . .

T S a m u e l: W e ll, I fe lt lik e the d a y you a s k e d f o r it - - the v e r y n e x t d a y I w a s fe e lin g lik e 1 w a n te d to s p e n d s o m e t i m e w ith y o u , and I a s k e d you a b o u t it an d stu ff . . . .

S ean: I w a s lo o k in g f o r w a r d to it a ll d a y you k n o w ?

S a m u e l : I t h o u g h t w e t a l k e d a b o u t i t a n d t h e n y o u s a i d t h a t y o u w a n t e d t o g o d o w n to G e o r g e ' s a t n i g h t s o t h e r e w o n ' t b e e n o u g h t i m e t o go f o r a w a l k . I s t i l l w a n t t o d o i t , I f e e l l i k e I d id r e a c t , d id r e s p o n d to w h a t you s a i d t h a t d a y , b u t th e n I t u r n e d off r i g h t a w a y , l i k e , a s s o o n a s you s t a r t a c tin g lik e , you know , le a v e m e a lo n e , lik e huh . . . 'D o n 't b o th e r m e , don t get in m y w a y , " t h e n i t m a k e s m e f e e l l i k e . . . w e l l , y o u k n o w , i t m a k e s i t h a r d f o r m e to g i v e , . .

M aybe i t 's a c y c le , I d o n 't know . . . .

10

L a n d o n : S o m e t i m e s I f e e l l i k e y o u ' r e j u s t m o o d y ; l i k e u h . . . s o m e t i m e s y o u c o m e o v e r in t h e m o r n i n g f o r b r e a k f a s t a n d i t ’s a l w a y s l i k e y o u h a v e y o u r b r e a k f a s t a l o n e , a n d S a m u e l a n d I h a v e b r e a k f a s t t o g e t h e r , a n d I d o n ’t f e e l l i k e t h a t ' s w h a t I w a n t to d o , b u t i t f e e l s l i k e it a l w a y s h a p p e n s . I f e e l l i k e t h a t ' s k i n d a l i k e y o u s e t u s a p a r t , s o w e ' r e a c o u p l e a n d y o u ' r e by y o u r ­ s e l f , y o u know’, a n d 1 j u s t f e e l r e a l s t r a n g e l i k e . . . a b o u t i t . . . a n d 1 d o n ’t u n d e r s t a n d . , . S o m e of th a t c o m e s f r o m you to o , lik e S a m u e l sa id .

Sean : W e ll, I th in k a lo t of it is c o n f u s io n on m y p a r t a s to w h a t is m y r o le . . . b e c a u s e it i s n 't v e r y p l a i n , you k n o w , an d I g u e s s I n e e d t h a t . I n e e d s o m e d e f i n i t i o n of th e r o l e t h a t I 'm in, b e in g w ith t h r e e p e o p le .

C a r l: I fe e l t h a t you a r e r e a l a lo o f a lot of the t im e .

Sean: R e a lly ?

C a rl: I have th a t c o n fig u ra tio n .

S e a n : How d o e s it c o m e a c r o s s w i t h y o u ? If y o u w i l l g i v e m e a s i t u a t i o n ?

C a r l : W e l l , l o t s o f t i m e s w h e n y o u a r e h e r e I ' m e x c i t e d to s e e y o u a n d you d i s a p p e a r i m m e d i ­ ate ly .

Sean: Y eah . . . .

C a r l : I m e a n , I t h i n k I l e t y o u know’ I ' m g l a d to s e e y o u .

Sean : W e ll, I g e t a l i e n a t e d s o m e t i m e s d o w n h e r e , e s p e c i a l l y in y o u r h o u s e , I g u e s s . . . c u z . . . u h m m . . . I d o n ' t k n o w , I t h i n k t h a t i t g o e s b a c k to w h e n I f i r s t c a m e h e r e a n d I d i d n ' t k n o w y o u o r A l l a n a t a l l a n d I j u s t d i d n ' t k n o w w h a t y o u w e r e i n t o o u t s i d e of l i v i n g in t h e c o u n t r y a n d b e i n g l o v e r s . A n d I m e a n t h a t w a s t h e r e a n d p r e t t y p l a i n to m e , bu t o u t s i d e o f t h a t I d i d n ' t k n o w h ow I w’o u l d r e a l l y i d e n t i f y w i t h y o u r l i v e s a n d s t u f f a n d I h a d a f e a r o f b e i n g t o o o p e n , t o o q u i c k l y .

I t h i n k t h a t a l o t of m y a l o o f n e s s w a s m y o w n f e a r o f . . . l i k e , I f e l t you w e r e e x c i t e d to s e e m e a n d I h a v e n ' t r e a l l y k n o w n c o m p l e t e l y h ow t o d e a l w i t h i t, o r h ow m u c h o f a r e s p o n s e , c u z , s o m e t i m e s I f e e l r e a l l y . . . w a r m to y o u , y o u k n o w , a n d t h e r e i s a b a r r i e r a l m o s t . . . l i k e . . . y o u a r e a c o u p l e . Y ou a r e in a l o n g - t e r m r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h A l l a n a n d s o m e o f m y e x p e r i e n c e s o f t h e p a s t , i n t e r m s of b e i n g a t h i r d p e r s o n , w h e n e v e r t h e r e i s a c o u p l e a r o u n d , i s to s o m e ­ how g e t in b e tw e e n th a t, you k n o w , on e of th e p e r s o n s . . . one of th e m e n w ill s t a r t s le e p in g w i t h m e , a n d t h e o t h e r i s . . . W h e w ! M y g o d ! I m e a n a b ig d r a m a t i c c h a n g e c o m e s in . . . a n d I d o n ' t l i k e it w h e n t h a t h a p p e n s . I d o n ' t l i k e b e i n g in t h a t p l a c e , b u t you k n o w , r e a l l y ! I k n o w i t h a p p e n s a l o t w i t h p e o p l e . I h e a r i t q u i t e o f t e n a n d I ' m t r y i n g to g e t m o r e i n t o u c h w i t h i t , b e c a u s e p e r s o n a l l y I d o n ' t l i k e a l o o f n e s s c o m i n g f r o m o t h e r p e o p l e , b u t I t h i n k a l o t o f it i s j u s t sa fety , you know ?

C a r l: I fe lt w h e n the m a n f r o m E u g e n e w a s v i s i ti n g dow n h e r e , w h a t 's h is n a m e ?

S a m u e l : Y ou m e a n T o m ?

C a r l: He is s u p e r th a t w a y , but th e n w h e n I sa w th e tw o of you t o g e t h e r , I s a i d , oh y e a h , t h a t 's h ow S e a n i s a l s o . I t ' s a l m o s t l i k e a s n o b b e r y , y o u k n o w , y o u t h i n k t h a t y o u a r e t o o g o o d t o be w ith o t h e r p e o p le . . . He p r o j e c t s th a t a s u p e r lot.

S e a n : Y e a , t h a t ' s o n e of m y b i g g e s t c r i t i c i s m s o f T o m . . . . W e l l , i t ' s l i k e I d o n ' t k n o w , 1 g u e s s t h e s t r o n g e s t s i t u a t i o n i s t h e l a s t o n e w h e r e t h e t h r e e o f u s w e r e r e a l l y h a v i n g it o u t i n t h e k i t c h e n o v e r t h e o m e l e t , e t c . It c o u l d h a v e h a p p e n e d l a s t n i g h t o v e r t h e g a m e o f h e a r t s . A ny s i t u a t i o n . I th in k i t ' s th e d y n a m i c s of the t h r e e of u s . . . o ften .

S a m u e l: W e ll, th e w a y I f e e l a b o u t th e h e a r t s , f o r i n s t a n c e , w a s t h a t 1 j u s t g a v e in, I c o m p r o ­ m i s e d . Y ou s a i d t h a t w a s t h e w a y to p l a y i t , s o I p l a y e d i t t h a t w a y .

S e a n : W e l l , I t h i n k w h a t h a n g s o u t h e a v i l y w i t h a l l of u s i s g i v i n g in . In t e r m s o f c r i t i c i s m , in t e r m s o f d o i n g s o m e t h i n g , j u s t i n t e r m s o f a l o t of w a y s . I f e e l , l i k e w e h a v e a t r e m e n d o u s r e ­ l u c t a n c e to j u s t l e t t h e o t h e r p e r s o n ' s s a y be t h e f i n a l s a y .

C a r l : I t h i n k s e x h a s a w h o l e l o t to d o w i t h i t.

Sean: Y e a? E la b o r a te , p le a s e .

C a r l : W h e n A l l a n a n d I r e a l l y s q u a r e o f f a n d h a v e a big f i g h t , t h e n w e h a v e a r e c o n c i l i a t i o n .

We go and m a k e lo v e.

S e a n : T h a t ' s r e a l l y i t , C a r l , t h e r e ' s r e c o n c i l i a t i o n b e t w e e n y o u t w o . Y ou m a k e t h e e f f o r t to reco n cile your d is a g re e m e n ts .

11

C arl:

T h a t t h i r d p e r s o n i s p a r t o f t h a t s q u a r i n g o ff a n d p a r t o f t h e d i s c u s s i o n ,

bu t t h e y g e t e x ­

c lu d e d f r o m the " p a y o ff".

S a m u e l: W e ll, I th in k p a r t of it is j u s t the r e a l i t y th a t a f t e r a r e a l l y h e a v y d i s c u s s i o n y o u 'l l j u s t go to b e d a n d y o u ' r e w i t h t h a t p e r s o n in b e d a n d t h e n i t ' s a l o t e a s i e r t o j u s t g e t r e l a x e d w i t h e a c h o t h e r a n d n o t m a i n t a i n t h a t h a r d s t a n c e . So i t s o r t o f f a c i l i t a t e s i t . B u t t h e o t h e r p e r s o n d o e s n 't have th at ch an c e.

B u t I t h in k th e t h r e e of u s c o u ld s t i l l w o r k it o u t e v e n w ith o u t th e

t h r e e of u s b e i n g in b e d t o g e t h e r .

C a r l : B u t e s p e c i a l l y i f S e a n i s f e e l i n g l o n e l y , i f I w e r e i n h i s s h o e s , I w o u l d f e e l l e t i c e n t to g e t i n v o l v e d b e c a u s e t h e w h o l e m e d i u m o f c o m m u n i c a t i o n t h a t f a c i l i t a t e s g o o d f e e l i n g s i s c u t o ff f r o m h i m . A n d I d o n ' t k n o w w h a t to d o a b o u t t h a t , I m e a n , m y w h o l e r e a l i t y i s a w h o l e l o t c l o s e r to y o u r s t h a n i t i s to S e a n ' s , b u t I c e r t a i n l y f e e l l i k e i t ' s n o t a s i t u a t i o n to b l a m e S e a n f o i .

S a m u e l : I ' m s u r e i t w o r k s b o t h w a y s a n d s t u f f , bu t I g u e s s t h e r e a s o n I r e s p o n d i s b e c a u s e S e a n t e n d s to s a y t h a t w e ' r e n o t p u t t i n g o u t e n e r g y t o w a r d s h i m a n d t h a t ' s a big p a r t of t h e p r o b l e m .

I j u s t k n o w t h a t a l o t o f t i m e s w h e n I h a v e e n e r g y f o r S e a n , h e ' s j u s t c l o s e d o ff a n d it s l i k e a v i c i o u s c y c l e , a n d w e h a v e to g e t to t h e b e g i n n i n g s o m e h o w .

S e a n : Y e a h , m a y b e I ' m n o t d e a l i n g t o t a l l y w i t h m y r e s p o n s i b i l i t y in t e r m s o f e x p r e s s i n g o r c o m ­ m u n i c a t i n g m y f e e l i n g s , but t h a t ' s n o t a lw a y s th e e a s i e s t th in g to d o , e s p e c i a l l y w h e n t h e r e ' s th is f e a r of being h u r t . T h a t f e a r is r e a l l y h a n g in g o ut w ith m e .

T h a t m y f e e l i n g s a r e g o n n a be e x p r e s s e d a n d t h e y ' r e g o i n g to be j u s t h a n g i n g t h e r e a n d n o t h i n g i s g o i n g to h a p p e n , a n d t h e e a s ­ i e s t t h i n g to d o i n t h a t s i t u a t i o n i s n o t t o g i v e t h e m a t a l l ; j u s t t r y a n d s t a y w i t h t h a t m y s e l f a n d sta y stro n g so m e h o w w ith th at.

R e m o v e m y s e l f a l o t , j u s t go a w a y f r o m i t.

S a m u e l : W h e n y o u a s k e d u s t h a t , d i d you f e e l t h a t w e b o t h d i d n ' t r e s p o n d a t a l l ?

S ea n ; W e ll . . . I c a n ' t r e m e m b e r th e t i m e now . . . B u t t h is w h o le th in g s t a r t e d e a r l i e r in th e w e e k . A n d I h a v e t h i s p i c t u r e i n m y m i n d o f t h e t h r e e of u s in t h e k i t c h e n . A n d I w a s t r y i n g to e x p l a i n h o w I f e l t l o n e l y a n d h o w y o u a l l w e r e n ' t p u t t i n g o u t m u c h e n e r g y t o w a r d s m e . . . a n d h a v i n g t h i s o v e r p o w e r i n g n e e d a f t e r w a r d s t o be h u g g e d by b o t h o f y o u . . . A n d n e i t h e r o f you got up o r a n y th in g u n til a f t e r w a r d s .

S a m u e l: I he ld you f o r a w h ile . . . .

S e a n : Y e a h , b u t o h w e l l ............

A nd S e a n c r i e d f o r a w h i l e , a n d w e h u g g e d h i m . A n d a l i t t l e m o r e f e a r p a s s e d o u t of t h e c irc le .

12

I fee 1 th a t th e c o m m u n e o d e s s e y w r i t t e n

by W i l l y , ( W i n t e r 7 5 - 7 6 , * 6 , p. 8 ), w a s d a r k l y c o l o u r e d by h i s h o p e l e s s n e s s . A l l t h r e e r e a s o n s he g i v e s f o r t h e c o l l a p s e of his c o m m u n e s t e m f r o m one u n d e rly in g r e a s o n he d o e s n ' t t o u c h u p o n : t h e l a c k of k n o w led g e b e tw e e n p e o p le , r e l a t e d n e s s and t r u s t . A n d he a c c e p t s t h e l a c k o f t r u s t .

B u t d i d he h a v e t o ? W i l l y c o n c l u d e s t h a t s i n c e f i v e of s e v e n b e d r o o m s w e r e o c c u p i e d by s e v e n p e o p l e , a n d t h e r e m a i n i n g t h i r t e e n c r o w d e d in to tw o b e d r o o m s an d the liv in g r o o m s , the cro w d in g c a u s e d p a r a n o ia and l a c k of c o m m u n i c a ti o n to d e v e lo p . H is idea of a r e m e d y i s t o m a k e s u r e t h e r e i s no c r o w d i n g in a c o m m u n e ; t h a t e v e r y o n e h a s p l e n t y of p r i v a t e s p a c e .

T h is m i s s e s th e p o i n t o f t h e o c c u r r e n c e in h i s c o m m u n e .

It i s n o t g o i n g t o m a k e c o m m u n i c a t i o n a n d t r u s t a n y b e t t e r if p e o p l e w h o h a v e c o n f l i c t ­ ing a n d c o m p e t i t i v e e t h i c s a r e l i v i n g t o ­ g e t h e r , e a c h w ith his o r h e r ow n p r i v a t e s p a c e . T h e p r i v a t e s p a c e only a llo w s an o u t f r o m th e a w a r e n e s s of not b e in g t o g e t h ­ e r in a g r e e m e n t o n v a l u e s . If W i l l y h a d had so m e hope th a t p eo p le c a n d e v elo p a fe e lin g fo r one a n o th e r , h e 'd h ave b e en a b le to c o n f r o n t t h e p e o p l e in h i s c o m m u n e w h o w e r e not liv in g c o m m u n a ll y . T h en a s h a r e d e t h i c c o u l d d e v e l o p , a n e t h i c of o p e n n e s s to a n d a w a r e n e s s of o n e a n o t h e r , a n d o f c o o p ­ e r a t i n g a n d liv in g t o g e t h e r f o r th e p u r p o s e of fe e lin g one a n o t h e r - - th is is th e g r e a t ­ e s t a d v a n t a g e of c o m m u n a l l i v i n g , b e c a u s e it a l l o w s f o r t h e f u l l e s t s e l f - e x p r e s s i o n a n d s e l f - e x p e r i e n c e . W 'illy , I k n o w i t ' s y o u r p e r s o n a l e x p e r i e n c e t h a t h a s b r o u g h t y o u to y o u r p r e s e n t d i l e m m a , but you a r e lo o k in g in t h e w r o n g d i r e c t i o n f o r s o l u t i o n s . D o n ' t c o m p ro m ise your com m unal d e s ire s ; lea rn to c o n f r o n t p e o p l e o n e t h i c s . Y o u ' l l f i n d t h a t g a y / s t r a i g h t i s no d e l i n e a t i o n ; t h e r e a r e s t r a i g h t p e o p le w ho c an lo v e, and th e r e a r e g a y p e o p l e w h o a r e s e x i s t a n d n e e d to l e a r n h ow to l o v e . Y o u a r e w e l c o m e to c o m e and v is it o u r s u c c e s s f u l m ix e d c o m ­

D o e s a n y o n e w a n t to s p e n d t h r e e m o n t h s o r so in S o u t h e r n O r e g o n ? My h o u s e w ill b e a v a i l a b l e f r o m m i d - J u l y to m i d - O c t o b e r , I w i l l be t r a v e l i n g t h e n a n d w a n t s o m e o n e to c a r e f o r t h e h o u s e . It i s l o c a t e d in T a l e n t , a b o u t h a lf - w a y b e tw ee n A sh lan d and M e d ­ f o r d . A s h l a n d is t h e h o m e o f t h e O r e g o n S h a k e s p e a re a n F e s tiv a l w hich ru n s fro m J u n e t h r o u g h S e p t e m b e r . T he h o u s e is l o ­ c a t e d a t t h e e n d of a d e a d - e n d s t r e e t a n d s u r r o u n d e d by o p e n f ie ld s w ith m o u n ta i n s o n a l l s i d e s . It i s r e a l l y l o v e l y h e r e . If in te r e s te d p le a se w rite : J e r r y B row n, Box 506, T a le n t, OR 97540

Law School Seeks Qciijs T h e P e o p l e ' s C o l l e g e o f L a w i s a n e w 4 - y e a r la w s c h o o l o r i e n t e d t o w a r d t h o s e u s u a l l y e x c l u d e d f r o m th e le g a l ed u cation al p r o c e s s .

G a y p e o p l e , e s p e c i a l l y l e s b i a n s and t h ir d w o r l d g a y s , a re d e f i n i t e l y w e l c o m e . E n t r a n c e re q u i r e m e n t s a rc Z y e a rs o f c o l l e g e l e a d i n g t o w a r d a B a c h e l o r ' s d e g r e e , o r yo u m u s t take a c o l le g e e q u iv a le n c y t e s t . Tuition is low . G r a d u a te s r e c e i v e a J u r i s D o c t o r d e g r e e and a r e e l i g i b l e to t a k e the C a l i f o r n i a B a r E x a m . A l l a p p l i c a n t s s h o u l d be c o m m i t t e d to u s e the la w a s a t o o l f o r s o c i a l c h a n g e .

C l a s s e s e n t e r e a c h S e p t e m b e r and J a n u a r y .

F o r m o r e in fo rm a tio n , w r ite GAY C AU C US, c/o P C L / N L G , 2 2 2 8 W e s t 7t h S t r e e t , L o s A n g e l e s , C a . 9 0 0 5 7

m u n e i n T o r o n t o , w h e r e w e h a v e 40 p e o p l e l i v i n g w i t h no p r i v a t e s p a c e ( e l e v e n o f u s have liv ed to g e th e r th is w ay fo r th r e e and a h a l f y e a r s ) . W r i t e to m e c / o B o x 4 6 , S tn M , T o r o n to , ON M 6S 4T 2

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L E T T E R S P O L I C Y : W e t r y to p u b l i s h a l l l e t t e r s a s k i n g f o r c o n t a c t . T h e y s h o u l d be c o n c i s e . P l e a s e in c lu d e a d o n a tio n f o r the m a g a z i n e , d o l l a r s o r s t a m p s . We p r i n t a ll n a m e s and a d d r e s s e s u n l e s s you s p e c i f i c a l ­ ly s a y n o t t o . F o r w a r d i n g i s a d r a g . If, h o w e v e r , m a i l m u s t be f o r w a r d e d , a d d r e s s the l e t t e r a s fo llo w s: B i l l i e , H a w a ii, R F D #_8, £ 6 , c / o R F D , 4 5 2 5 L o w e r W o lf C r e e k R d , W o lf C r e e k , O R 9 7 4 9 7

-e, ***■» T h i s i s s u e o f R F D i s o n l y 40 p a g e s , i n s t e a d o f t h e s t a n d a r d 4 8 , d u e to l a c k o f m a te ria l.

If you p r e f e r a l o n g e r m a g a z i n e , i t ' s y o u r r e s p o n s i b i l i t y to s t a r t c o n t r i b u t i n g a r t i c l e s , g r a p h i c s a n d p o e t r y now f o r th e F a l l i s s u e . ( D e a d l i n e - - A u g u s t 1) 13

Y E S T E R D A Y ’S N I G H T IS G O N E A d r e a m b e n ea th A s u m m e r s sunny sky That U ngers onw ard Slow ly d r e a m i l y In a n e v e n i n g o f J u l y W il l you e v e r c o m e R u n n in g to m e W ith e a g e r e y e s A nd w i l l i n g e a r s C o n te n t to h e a r My poem s I 'll te ll you a ll T h at I can A ll in a J u l y A fternoon W h e re d r e a m s of a r t B e c o m e s the m e m o r y Of w ild and new N e a r S pring A d r e a m b e n ea th The s u m m e rs m oon T hose hot s le e p le s s Ju ly n ig h ts T h at so o n m ig h t fade a w a y B u t w i l l n e v e r be f o r g o t t e n W ith th e b r e a k i n g of A nother day At the s ig h t Of the d a w n

In m e a d o w s w h e r e e m e r a l d s a r e d o o m e d To be m e r e g r e e n r o c k s , M e a d o w - la r k s ' lan g u id so n g s M eet w ithout c o n v e r g e n c e , and fade.

I lie , face a g a in s t g r e e n , sun P a s s in g th ro u g h m e.

My o u ts tre tc h e d a r m s and leg s feel C o n tin u ed beyond t h e i r l i m i t s , and I h e a r fain t bow el ru m b lin g s f r o m e a r th .

I put m y m o u th a ro u n d A tu ft of new g r a s s , and B itin g , t e a r in g , ch ew in g , s u c k I t s j u i c e s ---- p r e s s i n g m y b o d y H a r d e r a g a i n s t t h e s o u r c e of P r i m a l r y t h m s -----s t o m a c h m o a n s a n d S lu sh in g o o ze, T h re a te n in g , coaxing, w a rn in g .

My f i n g e r s c la w the w a r m , Soft e a r t h - f l e s h . M y bod y t e n s e T o r e c e i v e -----c h o k i n g , s u c k i n g , S p illin g m il k , b r e a t h in g e a r t h , s w e a t N o u r i s h i n g r o o t s -----t h e f u r i o u s c a d e n c e s B ouder, n e a re r.

C i c a d a s b r a v e th e lig h t T o r a s p a l a r m , to s c r e a m W ith in fin ite s h r i l l v o i c e s , S c r e e c h i n g p a in in to m y h e a d .

But not, sile n c e .

A ll is q u i e t , a n d s a f e .

F o r I h a v e b e e n t o ld N othing.

John Kunes

D ick W. 14

vow s You w e r e g i d d y l i k e a b i r d , your hands designing naughty s t o r i e s o r com ing on with a new h a ndshake of w h i c h the c r o c o d i l e w a s s u p e r b , a nd I to o k on the w i v e s p a t i e n c e and fancied o t h e r s thought o u r s the A m e r i c a n D r e a m .

JLater a t the W i s c o n s i n your light shape like a w ish r e s t e d in the s e m i - d a r k n e s s beyond the pool tab le a n d t h e s m o k e - c r o w d e d bul b.

A m o n g t h e l a u g h t e r , t he s m o k e , I k i s s e d you q u i e t l y , too s e n t i m e n t a l in the i n d i f f e r e n c e of t h e b l u e s h a d o w s , violating o u r p r e s c r i b e d d i s ta n c e .

F o r we love only in a g a m e and o u r e y e s m u s t not m e e t too blue to u n d e r s t a n d o r c o m b a t what it is those i r r e v o c a b l e vows hold s a c r e d f o r you a nd y o u r s .

-Glen M iller Epstein

S o n n e t To T im e and Space we a r e t h e m a t t e r of; as p e rh ap s r e m i n d e r s when of d e n i e d m o t h e r - b r e a s t fed o r g i e s p l a s t i c bottled c h e m o - a m e r i k a n child. but s t ill , you c a m e to m e in i n n o c e n c e w i t h y o u r c a l l of l o v e and your faced b e g g ard ly r e q u e s t " D i s p o s e of p r o p e r l y " please.

David C r o c k e r

15

a s p a c e d o ut p e y o t e c e r e m o n y I w a n t to t a k e m y p e y o t e h o m e . " He w a n t s u s t o f o l l o w a t r a d i t i o n and m o s t of us fe el we a r e c r e a ­ ting o u r own a nd will do w h a t e v e r we do.

Scented F l o w e r who holds the peyote sa y s , " i t i s a g r o u p t h i n g a n d i w i l l h o l d o n t o it u n t i l w e d o i t a s a g r o u p . " So e v e r y o n e slowly le a v e s with nothing’ decided o r is it?

My l o v e r c o m e s f r o m San F r a n c i s c o .

Next day we all fa st and c o m e to the b a r n a t sun down. M u s i c and singin g f o r h o u r s while we d r in k peyote. A f r e e for all. As night flows on we f o r m a c i r c l e and a r a t ­ tle an d d r u m a p p e a r .

The one w i t h the r a t t l e s i n g s t h e i r s o n g a n d t he o ne s i t t i n g to t h e r i g h t b e a t s t he d r u m . We a r e s i l e n t a nd l i s t e n to e a c h o t h e r ' s song. S o m e ­ t i m e s d u r i n g t he n i g h t o t h e r s f e e l t he s o ng of a n o t h e r a n d j o i n i n t o a d d t h e i r v o i c e s t o the m e s s a g e . Quite e a r l y I a m tire d and leave.

T h en t h e r e a r e d a y s w h e n I a m so f r e a k e d o u t I w’a n t to s c r e a m f o r e v e r a n d r u n a w a y a n d c r y . B u t h o w c a n I l e a v e ? No o n e wil l t ak e o v e r the bulk of g o a t - k e e p i n g and l et m e find a n o t h e r s p a c e f o r a w h i l e . I r e ­ m a i n a n d f ind t h a t p l a c e w i t h i n . I go to t he m e a d o w of 1 0 , 0 0 0 a r r o w s .

It i s a s e c r e t p l ac e w h e r e I had a v i s i o n of 1 0, 00 0 a r r o w s falling f r o m the sun onto the h illside. E a c h one b e c a m e a t r e e . I si ng so loud th at m y voice fills the m ead o w .

Yes I a m stro n g I sing.

Yes, I love with the e a r t h I c ry .

Yes I a m h e r e to s t a y an d in m y e c s t a s y I b u r s t into the l ig ht e ni ng I a m .

Yet w h e n the tiny b r e e z e blows upon m y f a ce I know the g r e a t ­ e r voice and r e a l iz e a lim itatio n .

My l o v e r c o m e s a g a i n and s t a y s f o r one w e e k . He w i l l m o v e h e r e i n J u n e . He i s t he o n l y m a n t o c o m e a n d v i s i t m e h e r e , ag ain and again. A n o th e r gay m a n v is its , th en l e a v e s o nl y to r e t u r n w i t h all h i s b e ­ l o n g in g s and we p a c k t h e m in w i t h b u r r o s .

He s a y s G o l d e n Blue Ray (m y l o v e r) i s c o m ­ ing t o m o r r o w . I a m h a p p y a n d f r e a k e d out too. My lo nging is a l l tied up in G o l d e n B l u e R a y b e c a u s e he i s t h e o n l y o n e I l o v e to c o m e a n d v i s i t m e in m y w i l d e r n e s s h o m e .

He d o e s n ' t s h o w u p a n d I g e t t w o l e t t e r s s a y ­ ing "I m i s s you, I m i s s you but I ' m f r i g h t e n ­ e d by o u r r e l a t i o n s h i p . I w i l l c o m e i n t h r e e w e e k s . "So, now I w a i t a g a i n . Should I le a v e to f ind o t h e r l o v e r s s o I w o n ' t be t i e d u p i n j u s t o n e o r h i m i n m e ? I k n o w i t w i l l be ok .

The oak t r e e s have taught m e patience and the w a t e r s give m e r e a s s u r a n c e that e v e r y ­ t h i n g f l o w s on.

A n d w h a t a m I l e a r n i n g b e s i d e s a l l of th is ? T h at I love h im so m u c h that I do n 't r e a l l y n e ed h i m . I j u s t w a n t h i m to s h a r e

I d o n ' t k n o w if I c a n l i ve h e r e a n y ­ m o r e , 1 told m y good f r i e n d S t a r l i n e r , a w o m a n w h o l i v e s o n t h i s s a m e p i e c e of land that has a r e p u t a t i o n fo r being a c o m ­ m u n e . It w a s d u r i n g a t i m e w h e n I w a s realizing exactly what my situation was h e r e . T h e o n l y g a y o u t o f 15 p e o p l e . M y only c lose ties with people h e r e being the w o m e n ( m o s t l y s i n g l e o n e s ) and the c h i l ­ d r e n . Al l t h e ' m e n 1 k e e p i n g a s a f e d i s ­ tance. "B ut I c a n 't live in the c i t y ," I t h r o w out to m a k e m y s i t u a t i o n e v e n m o r e c l e a r a n d p a i n f u l . So w h a t d o 1 d o ? I r e ­ m ain b e c a u se this is m y hom e and I re fu s e to be d r i v e n o ut by m y h o r n y n e s s a n d l a c k of g a y m a l e c o m p a n y .

Tw o y e a r s l a t e r . . . in the m o r n i n g e a r l y I r i s e to m i l k the g o a ts and fe ed the k i d s s i n g i n g a m o r n i n g s o n g to a q u i e t w o r l d of m e a d o w s a n d t r e e s . A f t e r w a r d s I m a k e c h e e s e a n d y o g u r t . T h e n o u t t o t he g a r d e n , it i s w i n t e r n ow, to l o o k a n d p l a n w h a t a n d w h e r e n e w s e e d s w i l l g o i n. L e t ­ t uce h e r e b e c a u s e l a s t y e a r we p l a n t e d c a r ­ r o t s h e r e a nd t h e y g r e w b e n e a t h t he g r o u n d a n d l e t t u c e g r o w s a b o v e a n d s o o n a n d on.

T h e g o n g r i n g s a n d I know' I a n d o t h e r s a r e c a l l e d by s o m e o n e o r o n e s w h o w i s h t o gather.

I go a n d j o i n i n t h e c o m m u n i t y barn.

I h e a r L e w e l f on his g u i t a r a nd song of t h e w i n d s f l u t e . V o i c e s a r e t a l k i n g a n d singing and mingling with the m u s i c .

The m u s i c i s o n e of o u r h i g h e s t e x p e r i e n c e s h e r e an d a l m o s t t he o n l y w a y t he m e n r e ­ late.

I’he m u s i c s t o p s a n d w e d i s c u s s t h e i s s u e . When will we take the p e y o t e ? T o ­ night s o m e s a y and I sa y I'll do a f i r e and c o o k d i n n e r . A n o t h e r s a y s I w a n t to f a s t f o r a day and e v e r y o n e a g r e e s to t o m o r r o w .

Standing B e a r s a y s , if t h i s is g o i n g t o be

s o m e t i m e w i t h m e . And a l t h o u g h th is c o m m u n e is not all I n e e d , it is c h an gin g b e c a u s e I a m c h an g in g and a n i n f l u e n c e on 16

what happens h e re . I have hopes that gays and s t r a ig h t s will unite in the peoplehood, in lov e. A f t e r a l l , we a r e all h e r e t o g e t h e r and 1 b e li e v e we c h o o s e o u r own l i v e s so we r u n into o b s t a c l e s t h a t we n e e d to m e r g e wit h. Hav e I not c h o s e n to k e e p g o a t s so t h a t e v e r y t i m e I w a n t t o r u n a w a y f r o m it a l l I c a n ' t b u t m u s t s e e it t h r o u g h ?

Splendor Joyous

t e d . A l e t t e r w a s s e n t f r o m t he d o c t o r to k r i s t i ' s s o c i a l w o r k e r , w-ho t h e n w r o t e a n ex traordinarily defam atory letter against Cynthia's c h a r a c te r, implying unfitness a n d h o m o s e x u a l i t y a n d r e f e r r i n g t o t he v i o l e n c e of h e r l i f e s t y l e . " O ra n g e County a u th o r i t ie s have o f f e r ­ ed C y n th ia and the l e g a l g u a r d i a n s a d e a l . If t h e y a g r e e i m m e d i a t e l y t o r e ­ l i n q u i s h all r i g h t s to bot h c h i l d r e n , the s t a t e w i l l d r o p t he c r i m i n a l c h a r g e s .

Cynthia has u nequivocally r e je c t e d this oife r .

Cynthia is being t r ie d for being a l e s ­ bian and a single m o th e r . She n e ed s o u r s u p p o r t , and she n e e d s it now. D o n a t i o n s s h o u l d be m a d e p a y a b l e t o t h e S a n F r a n ­ c i s c o W o m e n ' s C e n t e r s , 63 B r a d y , S F 9 4103, e a r m a r k e d f o r C y n t h i a F o r c i e r , c / o L e s b ia n M o t h e r s and F r i e n d s .

LESBIAN M O T H E R W ITCH HUNT! Cynthia F o r c i e r , l e s b ia n m o t h e r , has be en a c c u s e d of s e x u a l l y m o l e s t i n g h e r own f i v e - y e a r - o l d d a u g h te r. O ra n g e County a u ­ t h o r i t i e s a r e a t t e m p t i n g to m a k e both C y n ­ thia's children, her daughter K risti, as well a s h e r e i g h t - y e a r - o l d son, P a r r y , w a r d s of t h e s t a t e a n d , i n a d d i t i o n , b r i n g c h a r g e s a g a i n s t Cynthia for what they t e r m h e r 'd e p ra v ity " . Without the p r e s u m p ti o n of i n n o c e n c e , t h e J u v e n i l e C o u r t s o f O r a n g e County have v irtu a lly d e c l a r e d h er guilty.

Cyn thia s a y s , "I a m a l e s b i a n , and t h e r e ­ fo re, in t h e i r e y e s , a d e p r a v e d child m o ­ lester.

T h e c a s e a r i s e d o u t of a v i s i t K r i s t i m ade to Cynthia this p a s t C h r i s t m a s , at which tim e m o th e r and d a u g h te r d i s c u s s e d K r i s t i ' s c o m i n g to live p e r m a n e n t l y w i t h Cynthia the following s u m m e r . During this visit Cynthia and h e r d a u g h te r slep t o ­ gether as a tre a t for K risti.

Cynthia had b e e n i n f o r m e d t h a t K r i s t i w a s on a n t i b i o ­ tics for an infection, so when she noticed a y e l l o w i n g of K r i s t i ' s p a n t i e s a n d q u e s ­ tio n e d h e r d a u g h t e r w h e t h e r she w a s in a ny d i s c o m f o r t a n d K r i s t i c o m p l a i n e d of n o n e , C yn t hia a s s u m e d t h a t she had a sl i g h t ye a s t infection f r o m the a n tib io tic s. B e ­ cause Kristi was already under doctor's c a r e in N ew port B each , Cynthia a s s u m e d i t w o u l d be t a k e n c a r e of u p o n K r i s t i ' s r e ­ tu rn in th re e days.

W he n s h e r e t u r n e d , s h e w a s t a k e n to h e r d o c t o r . K r i s t i c o m p l a i n e d to the d o c ­ t o r o f h a v i n g b e e n k i c k e d by a l i t t l e bo y , but w h e n the d o c t o r e x a m i n e d K r i s t i and noted the d i s c h a r g e and m i n o r b r u i s e s ar o u n d h e r p e l v i c a r e a , t he d o c t o r i g n o r e d c o m p l e t e l y K r i s t i ' s c o m p l a i n t of having b e e n k i c k e d a n d c h o s e to c o n c l u d e i n s t e a d , b e c a u s e K r i s t i had s l e p t w i t h h e r l e s b i a n m o t h e r , t h at she had b e e n s e x u a l l y m o l e s ­

Read your " RFD" c o v e r to c o v e r . I e n j o y e d t h e a r t w o r k , p e r i o d . Q u i t e t he c o n t r a r y t o t h a t s a p p y w r i t t e n c r a p . If t h e g a y g r o u p is e v e r going to c ut it, t h e y have to qui t t h i s f e el in g s o r r y f o r e a c h o t h e r , t ak e s t o c k of t h e i r s t r e n g t h s and w e a k n e s s ­ e s a nd pu t t h e i r b e s t foot f o r w a r d . a straight man

...b e part o f an ongoing dialogue and analysis o f an ti sexist politics...read

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i

/m

T h a n k y o u f o r t h e c o n t a c t l i s t a n d t he a ppeal. I a m d i s t r a u g h t to think that RFD i s in c r i s i s . W i t h o u t k n o w i n g a n y of t h e d e ­ t a i l s 1 c a n s u r m i s e t h a t it i s a c o m b i n a t i o n of m o n e y a n d e n e r g y a n d f o c u s . T h e u s u a l .

A t t h i s d i s t a n c e I c a n n o t t h i n k of w h a t t o d o o t h e r t h a n p i t c h i n. R F D i s o n e o f t h e o n l y publications that has e v e r r e a lly "touched m y life s t y l e " . I a m a f a g g o t s t r u g g l i n g to live a n h o n e s t a nd n o n - v i o l e n t life o u t s i d e t he g h e t t o of m y c o n c e p t i o n . T h e r e i s a g r e a t d e a l we h a v e t o s a y a n d g i v e e a c h o t h e r . We w h o l o v e m o t h e r e a r t h a n d b r o t ­ h e r m an . The gay city ghett o m a y m a k e us a p p e a r m a r g i n a l b u t if s u r v i v a l ; r e s t o r i n g a r e s p e c t f o r t he h a r m o n i e s of n a t u r e a n d l e a r n i n g to l ove one a n o t h e r a r e s t i l l i m ­ p o r t a n t , t h e n we r u r a l f a g g o t s a r e on the fro n t line.

M uch love, Sandy Lowe CA " O u t of t he c l o s e t a n d o u t o f t h e c i t y ! " O u r S p r i n g i s s u e of R F D j u s t a r r i v e d a nd I want to e x p r e s s my joy that su c h a neat publication exists.

Yo u a r e o u r m a i n c o n ­ tac t with o th er r u r a l faggots, and although c o n t a c t ha s not o c c u r e d w i t h o t h e r r e a d e r s d i r e c tl y , that is what I a m w ritin g about.

B o b a n d I a r e i n t h e p r o c e s s of p u r c h a s i n g f i f t e e n a c r e s of w o o d e d l a n d c o m p l e t e w i t h s t r e a m jumping with rainbow trout n e ar S h e l t o n W a s h i n g t o n , p o p . 4 0 0 0 p l u s , a t t he b a s e of t he O l y m p i c p e n i n s u l a . T h e p r o s ­ p e c t s of s u c h an a d v e n t u r e a r e e x citin g a s w e l l a s f e a r p r o d u c i n g . T h e a n x i e t y of being gay and living in su c h a s m a l l c o m ­ m unity is v e r y g r e a t. Would a p p r e c ia t e any correspondence fro m either singles or g r o u p s t h a t w o u l d l i k e t o g i v e i n p u t on w h a t to e x p e c t o r how t h e y h a v e h a n d l e d situ atio n s that have o c c u r e d that m ay have b e e n t h r e a t e n i n g . A l s o w ou ld like to have c u lt u r a l i n te r c h a n g e and p o ss ib ly visit o th e r r u r a l faggots in the n o r t h w e s t / w e s t to s e e how t h in g s a r e going. He y g u y s, write !

Stephen W hittaker 1007 W H a l l a d a y S e a t t l e WA 9 8 1 1 9 P S T h e o t h e r 60 a c r e s a d j o i n i n g o u r land is a l s o for s a l e .

o re ,

The new R FD a r r i v e d this m o rn in g .

I l i n g e r e d o v e r it b e f o r e s e t t l i n g d o w n t o a d a y of t r y i n g to g e t m y o l d t r u c k t o g e t h e r bu t w a s f o r c e d b a c k i n t o m y c a b i n by a violent h a i l s t o r m so will w r i t e this while w a i ti ng f or th in g s to c l e a r up. T h e old R F D wa s v e r y v a lu a b l e but a l r e a d y I s e e m u c h i m p r o v e m e n t in the s p r i n g e d iti o n.

M uch m o r e w o rk m a n lik e and with m any m o r e a r t i c l e s of p r a c t i c a l valu e.

I l i v e a l o n e in a n o l d l o g c a b i n i n a f i v e m i l e l o n g r o c k y m o u n t a i n c a n y o n of w hi c h I a m the only h u m a n r e s i d e n t a l ­ though b ird s and b e a s ts a r e m any. The d i r t ro a d is often v e r y diffic u lt o r i m p a s ­ sable a fte r snow, thaw o r ra in . I m ad e a b o u t $ 40 i n t i p s in M a r c h h a u l i n g p e o p l e out of t h e m u d a t t h e t op of t he p a s s but m y t i r e c h a i n s a nd tow c h a i n w e r e s t o l e n w h e n I b r o k e d o w n i n a v i l l a g e a n d so now I a m no l o n g e r a b l e t o r e s c u e p e o p l e . T h e cabin w a s t e r r i b l y t r a s h e d out and c o m ­ f o r t l e s s w h e n I f i r s t s a w it l a s t N o v e m b e r bu t i s n o w p r e t t y c o m f o r t a b l e . I s p e n t t wo m o n t h s e n t i r e l y a lo n e but now o c c a s i o n a l f r i e n d s c o m e to v i si t a n d I hav e m a d e s o m e f r i e n d s a m o n g t h e S p a n i s h p e o p l e in the g r a s s l a n d valley below the canyon. Above t he c a n y o n a t a b o u t n i n e t h o u s a n d f e e t a r e g r e a t m e a d o w s r i n g e d w i t h a s p e n and pine w h e r e t h e e l k r o a m a n d b e y o n d t h a t the huge m o r e n o v a ll e y r i n g e d w i t h m o u n t a i n s .

T h e b e a u t y of t h e c a n y o n i s h a r d t o d e s c r i b e . An o c c a s i o n a l v i s i t f r o m a t r a v e l i n g p e r s o n t h i s s u m m e r w o u l d be v e r y w e l c o m e . By a l l m e a n s w r i t e f o r m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n b ut t h e a d d r e s s i s f a i r l y se l f e x p l a n a t o r y and m o s t pe o pl e in W ago n Mound , M o r a , O c ate o r E a g l e N e s t would be a b l e t o d i r e c t you.

Love and good w i s h e s , J o h n Li p s o n B l a c k L a k e Rt e O c a t e NM 87734

I wo uld love h e a r i n g f r o m o t h e r gay m o u n ta in m e n out h e r e in the g lo rio u s s o u t h ­ w e s t , e s p e c i a l l y f r o m b r o t h e r s h e r e in New M e x i c o . My a d d r e s s is: P e te r Colburn 248 E s c o b o s a S t a r Rte T i j e r a s NM 87059 I l i v e i n a s m a l l v i l l a g e a b o u t 40 m i l e s f r o m t h e c e n t e r of A l b u q u e r q u e .

Much love, P e te r Colburn.

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Aloe, an e g a l i t a r i a n c o m m u n ity , is s p o n s o r i n g U o W a l d e n T w o e x p e r i e n c e s in c o o p e ra tio n , c o m m u n a l living and d e c i s i o n m aking this s u m m e r . The d a te s a r e June 1- 11 a n d A u g u s t 1 1 - 2 2 . F o r i n f o r m a t i o n w rite Spring and P i, Aloe C o m m u n ity , R t e . 1. B o x 100, C e d a r G r o v e , N C 2 7 2 3 1 , o r call 919-732-4323.

W e 'r e an ongoing c o m m u n a l e x p e r i ­ m e n t in e g a l i t a r i a n i s m , f e m i n i s m , o p e n relationships, comm unal child-rearing, b i s e x u a l i t y a n d j o y . We h a v e 2 3 0 a c r e s a nd w a n t to c o n n e c t wi th o t h e r s i n t e r e s t e d in j o i n i n g u s . in p e a c e , Kamen

L a s t night 1 w as digging th ro u g h m y b o x of j u n k a n d r a n a c r o s s a l l t h e b o o k l e t s .

US G o v e r n m e n t p u b l i c a t i o n s and a r t i c l e s 1 have a c c u m u l a te d about r a is in g r a b b its , c h i c k e n s , g o a t s a nd you n a m e it.

Re-read­ i n g s o m e of i t m a d e m e t h i n k of y o u a n d R F D The folks at R F D have been heavy on my m i n d f o r t h e l a s t few/ d a y s . T h a t m a g a z i n e h a s t o be o n e o f m y f a v o r i t e s . 1 l o o k f o r ­ w a r d to r e c e i v i n g it a n d w i s h it c a m e o ut m o r e of ten . R F D is kind of a d r e a m c o m e true for me.

I a m a g ay p e r s o n in O k l a h o m a who w a s r a i s e d i n I o w a . It h a s b e e n a v e r y long t i m e s i n c e 1 ha ve ev en s e e n a t r e e , let alone f a rm a n im a ls o r sm elled that c ris p , c l e a n c o u n t r y a i r . One of the th in g s that k e e p m e going w hil e I s e r v e t h e s e t h r e e life s e n t e n c e s is the h o p e s of s o m e d a y being r e ­ l e a s e d an d liv in g the good life w i t h m y gay b r o t h e r s and s i s t e r s .

I kn ow w h a t I w a n t to do: liv e in the c o u n t r y w i t h m y fa g g o t f r i e n d s and the m o r e the m e r r i e r .

L is te n to m y d r e a m .

I w a n t a g a y c o m m u n e . I w a n t to s u r ­ round m y s e l f with gay people who c a r e for m e a s a p e r s o n and not ju st a se x object. I w a n t to know the jo y of s i t ti n g q u i e t l y a m i d m y gay f r i e n d s and enjoying t h e i r co m p a n y f o r j u s t t h a t , t h e i r c o m p a n y . I w a n t to g r o w old in t h e i r c o m p a n y and know that when I die they will m o u r n m e a s a friend.

I w a n t to v ie w o u r c o m m u n a l w o r k w i t h p r i d e , kn o wi n g t h a t we a s a g r o u p did th is a n d t h a t a n d m a d e a s u c c e s s of it.

Do y o u h a v e q u e s t i o n s ? I h o p e s o , a h d I h o p e y o u r i n t e r e s t i s a r o u s e d e n o u g h to w r i t e to m e and s t a r t s o m e th i n g going.

T h e r e is a n o t h e r f r i e n d of m i n e who is a l s o i n t e r e s t e d i n a g a y c o m m u n e a n d he i s o p e n f o r c o m m e n t s too. W r i t e to the P u p p e t M a n , Ray N e ls o n , 4220 S W a l l a c e , C h ica g o I L , 6 0 60 9. O r , w r i t e to R F D to s h o w y o u r interest.

L e t ' s g e t s o m e t h i n g going!

Jack Childers

Hope this finds y o u r h e a l t h , h e a r t and head, healthy, happy and high. I ' m w ritin g R F D and its p r o g r e s s i v e and c r e a ti v e r e a d ­ e r s i n s e a r c h o f s u c h f o l k s w’h o a r e l o o k i n g f o r a s t a r t a t c o u n t r y life s t y l e s o r e v e n a c h a n g e a s we a r e a l l in c o n s t a n t c h a n g e !

I ' v e g o t 40 a c r e s i n s o u t h e a s t O r e g o n .

T w elve t r e e land, four meadow' and the r e s t p r a r i e w i t h a big ol d h o u s e s o m e o u t b u i l d ­ ings, a fenced g a rd e n , b e st well. . . r i v e r frontage on the S p ra g u e R iv er. . . w e 'v e been t h e r e th re e y e a r s and its been defunkecl a l o t . S t i l l l o t s of p o s s i b i l i t i e s a s I ' m i n H a w a i i now in s e a r c h of t r o p i c a l la nd a nd the f o l k s now liv in g a t the r i v e r h o u s e a r e going t h r o u g h t h o s e c h a n g e s too. W ill be leaving in M a y - - I ' m looking for s o m e o n e o r o n e s t o c o n t i n u e t he t e n d e r l o v i n g c a r e t h i s o ld h o m e s t e a d h a s g r o w n a c c u s t o m e d to in t he p a s t t h r e e y e a r s . A n y o n e w h o is i n t e r ­ ested please write for m ore information, Om -pa-ne-om 2 0 1 5 L i m e St # 8 0 3 Ho nolulu, H a w a ii 96814

XX XX XX XX XX XX XX >Ov I ' m d e l i g h t e d w i t h the p r e s e n t i s s u e put o ut by B u t t e r w o r t h F a r m C o m m u n i t y . I t ' s j u s t w h a t is n e e d e d in a r u r a l m a g a z i n e - lif e s t y l e of m e m b e r s ; i n s t r u c t i o n s on building a r u r a l hom e; su b s is te n c e f a r m i n g i n s t r u c t i o n s ; a n d d o w n t o e a r t h h o n e s t y on the d i f f i c u l t i e s of " l i v in g t o g e t h e r " r a t h e r t h a n the s t a r r y - e y e d n o n s e n s e of s o m e c it y d w e l l e r s w h o t h i n k a l l it t a k e s i s m u c h c h a t t e r a b o u t t h e d e l i g h t s of t r i p p i n g t h r o u g h t h e w o o d l a n d s h a n d in h a n d , f a i l i n g t o s e e t he w e e d s c h o k i n g o u t t h e c r o p s g r o w i n g f o r food.

Love and P e a c e Rod 19

loving a b r o t h e r b ird so n g echoing in m y left e a r i g l o r y in h i s c u r l y b e a r d sensuous sm ile m o u n ta in s g l im m e r i n g in m a y ' s golden robe of s u n o u r b o d i e s c o v e r e d in d i r t a n d b l a c k f l i e s wi lti ng b u t t e r c u p s and wild irises l a z i l y in s h a d y a f t e r m a t h i bl ow t h e f i b e r s of d yi n g d a n d e l i o n s to t h e w i nd . lazy s u n d a y m u se tender m oments soft m o s s y e m b r a c e s understood sm iles and the ten u o u s s p r o u t s we have w atch ed , b l o s s o m i n g in a j a r by t h e w i n d o w m i r r o r of o u r l i v e s together samuel

20

it i s m o r n i n g a n d w e a r e d r i v i n g p a s t s c e n e r y th at is a ll stu ck during that last m o m e n t you shout: d o g g i e s a n d t h e n you sa y:

(did w e m i s s t he e x i t ? ) i a m m y m o r n i n g self: u n fu e le d , ha tin g m y h a ir , c o n t r a r y , foggy and blank, f o r e ­ s t a l l i n g t h e a u t o m a t o n j o b , u n s u r e of l a s t night

that w a s like dying

wet and lovely dying doggies

a nd you clairvoyant r e a c h out and p l a c e y o u r hand against m y chest

if o r g a s m i s c l i c h e what a cliche w' hat d o g g i e s Bill T a o r m i n o

o u r f i n g e r s have t h e i r own m o rn in g t h e y a r e n ot b o t h e r e d by i n t e l l i g e n c e t he y find e a c h o t h e r they tingle Bill T a o r m i n o

S o l s t i c e C i r c l e : W i n t e r 1975 for Sean fog on t h e h i l l s i d e s f og o n t h e h i l l s l o p e s , t h e v a l l e y s pine t r e e s pine t r e e s you w e r e th e f i r e f a i r y l i g h t e r of l i g h t s and the wood stove you w e r e w a r m h a n d s , w a r m k i s s e s you c a r r i e d be ll s t o t h e f o u r c o r n e r s of t h e w o o d s at dawn I h e a r you l au gh i ng out in the pine d a r k n e s s and sc e n t wild la u g h te r of the f i r e - b r i n g e r bright-eyes and I a n d i w a s c o o l oi l f o r hot t e m p l e s heads filled with c e d a r sm o k e m edicine smoke s m o k e of the pin e lo g s balm fairy to quiet the flaring h e a r t a s the r a t t l e c i r c l e d to d a w n f og o n t h e h i l l s i d e s f og o n t h e h i l l s l o p e s pine t r e e s pine t r e e s

1& H u e

J. D a m o n

21

i t/

T h e follo win g s t o r y r e l a t e s w h a t h a p p e n e d b e t w e e n a s i x y e a r old f r i e n d of m i n e and m y s e l f l a s t N o v e m b e r o n a f a r m i n C e n t r a l O r e g o n , w h e r e h e l i v e s w i t h h i s f a m i l y a n d t wo o t h e r f a m i l i e s - a l l v e ry h e te r o s e x u a l . Only the n a m e s have been changed. " Y o u k n o w S e a n , you c a n s l e e p h e r e on t h e c o u c h if you w a n t t o . " " N o , I t o l d h i m I ' d s l e e p i n t h e c a b i n . . . t h a t w o u l d be g o i n g b a c k o n m y w o r d , t o o i n c o n s i s t e n t . . . h e 'd think s o m e th i n g w a s w r o n g . I'l l s l e e p out h e r e . Roll a n o t h e r join t f i r s t . . . good night. " M i c h a e l a n d C i n d y b o t h l o o k a t e a c h o t h e r m o m e n t a r i l y a n d g o of f t o b e d .

W h e r e ' s t h e p o t . . . o h y e a h , i n t h e c a n o n t he s h e l f . W h e w , t h e y ' r e r e a l l y e x p e c t i n g m e t o b e a f r a i d ! A f r a i d of h i s a f f e c t i o n - - y e t i s i t r e a l l y j u s t a f f e c t i o n ? S e e m s t o b e . So n a t u r a l a n d f r e e , h e ' s like a s p r i n g f l o w e r , a vio le t, o r y e a h - - a m o r n i n g g l o r y - - o n l y p e a n u t c o l o r e d .

So b e a u t i f u l , s o e a g e r a n d e n e r g e t i c a n d s o f u l l of a f f e c t i o n ! ! J u s t b l e w m e a w a y e a r l i e r . . . w a n t in g to f r e n c h - k i s s w i t h m e ! ! And T i n a too, on ly s h e ' s a lot c o o l e r , l e s s e x p r e s s i v e , t u r n s it o n a n d o f f a l o t . B u t n o t T a b o o - - n o w a y , h e c o m e s on s t r o n g f r o m t h e s t a r t . P a p e r s , h e r e in m y p o c k e t - - g l a d I ' v e g o t s o m e t o b a c c o s t a s h e d i n m y c o a t . . . t h e s e n o n - s m o k e r s - - c o m e o n s o s t r o n g s o m e t i m e s . . . t h e y 1r e r i g h t t h o u g h . I r e a l l y s h o u l d q u i t . B u t a w w e l l , r o l l . . . r o l l . . .

I w o n d e r if h e ' l l be a w a k e y e t . I t ' s b e e n a f e w h o u r s a n d he w a s s o e n e r g e t i c a l l a f t e r n o o n . . . h a r d l i t t l e b o d y . . . s o f u c k i n g c u t e a n d h a r d . . . w h o l e b o d y i s l i k e a n e r e c t i o n ! H e k n o w s he t u r n s m e o n t o o , I k n o w he d o e s ! W e l l , I ' l l j u s t s m o k e t h i s n u m b e r a n d g o f o r a l i t t l e w a l k in t h e n i g h t f o g . . . g e t m y c o a t , b o o t s , g o t t h e t o b a c c o ? Y e p , t h e r e i n t h e p o c k e t . . . e v e r y t h i n g ?

M a t c h e s ? On t h e m a n t l e . . . l i g h t s ? Off. . . o u t t h e d o o r . . . a h h h h h h t h e c o l d n i g h t a i r . . . b r e a t h e d e e p l y . . . y e a h , s o f a r o u t . . . s o f o g g y a n d m y s t e r i o u s . . . g r a s s r e a l l y w e t . A h , l o v e i t, l o v e it!

22

J o i n t . . . m a t c h . . . l i g h t e d m a t c h o n l y l i g h t i n h e a v y b l a c k n i g h t . . . a l w a y s t h i n k of n a m w h e n 1 d o t h i s . . . s o m a n y m i d n i g h t j o i n t s lit a n d s m o k e d w i t h m y p o n c h o l i n e r o v e r my h e a d . . . * a n ' l b e s e e n t h a t w a y . . . l i g h t t r a v e l s 180 m i l l i o n m i l e s p e r s e c o n d - - e v e n i n t he j u n g l e ' Heard t h a t s o m a n y f u c k i n g t i m e s . K e p t m e p a r a n o i d t h o u g h , e n o u g h a n y w a y s o 1 s t a y e d a w a k e >n g u a r d . . . t o k e , t o k e , to k e, ahh'nhhh, w h e e e w w w w , to k e. t o k e , to k e, w h h h e e e w w w , w a l k do wn t h e d r i v e n e a r t h e b l a c k b e r r i e s . . . m a y b e t h e m o o n ' s o a t n o w. . . y e a h , t h e r e s h e i s - - w . w , how g o r g e o u s ! ! So bi g a n d g o l d e n . . . j u s t r i s i n g . Aw m a n , w h a t a s i g h t - - a l w a y s s o b e a u t i f u l .

W o n d e r i f h e ' s a w a k e t o s e e it t o o 9 No , l e a v e h i m b e . . . g o t t a be c a r e f u l a l i t t l e b i t , h e ' s s o y o u n g y e t , j e s u s , o n l y s i x y e a r s o l d a n d a c t s s e x u a l l y l i k e h e ’s 12 o r s o . . . r e m e m b e r t h e f i r s t t i m e we e v e r sa w e a c h o t h e r . He w a s r e a l l y c h e c k in g m e out, and 1 him. W as the only blac k b o y t h e r e , o n l y b l a c k f a c e in a s e a of w h i t e , a n d s o a l i v e , i n q u i s i t i v e .

H e y , w h y y o u g o t a n e a r i n g 9 W hy y o u w e a r a n e a r i n g , he a s k s 5 " C u z 1 w a n n a be a p i r a t e . M a k e s m e f e e l f r e e , a n d i t ’ s e a s y to be a p i r a t e w h e n y o u ' r e t r e e ’ S o m e t i m e s I w e a r a s c a r f on m y h ead t o o ! ' D e e p e y e s , s o d e e p a n d s p a r k l i n g ! I k i n d of k n e w e v e n t h e n o u r l i v e s w e r e g o i n g t o m a k e an i m p a c t on e a c h o t h e r . Now h e ' s got a n e a r i n g too, a nd his dad a s w e l l - - t h e \ both look so n e a t wi th t h e i r gold e a r i n g s , and T a b o o so wild and native lo ok in g ' F e e t o n g r a v e l , c r u n c h , c r u n c h , c r u n c h , s m e l l of f o g , s w e e t m i s t r o l l i n g a r o u n d m e , t r i p p y r e a l l y , l i k e t h i s w h o l e p i e c e of l a n d i s t r i p p y .

T o k e , t o k e , t o k e , a a a h h h . O n e m o r e t oke, t h e n go to b e d. G e t up e a r l y t o m o r r o w - , g r e e t t h e d a w n , l ove t h e c o u n t r y , L L L O O O V V V E E F . it! A h , g o t a n i c e b u z , . . c r u n c h , c r u n c h , o v e r t o t h e c a b i n . W o n d e r if h e ' s u p , a w a k e - - 1 d o u b t i t. L i t t l e g u y w a s s o t i r e d h o u r s a g o . I ' l l be q u i e t s o I d o n ' t w a k e h i m . D o o r h a n d l e i n h a n d o p e n i t , c r e e k , s h i t . . . g o n n a w a k e h i m u p . . . s t e p i n s i d e . D a r k , n o e l e c t r i c i t y in h e r e . . . s t r i k e a m a t c h a n d f ind a c a n d l e . . . s t r i k e , f l a m e b u r s t i n g l i g h t i n to b l a c k r o o m . L o o k i n g , w h e r e w o u l d c a n d l e s b e ? . . . s h o u l d ' v e c o m e in b e f o r e d a r k a n d g o t t h i n g s ou t s o I c o u l d f i n d t h e m . . . a h , h e r e ' s a g a s l a m p , l i g h t it. A h , y e a h t h e r e i t g o e s , g r e a t . N o w , l a y o u t m y b a g h e r e on t h e f l o o r a n d g e t i n - - c o l d n i g h t a i r a l l a r o u n d , f l o o r l i k e i c e . M a y b e I ' ll go h ave a l oo k a t h i m , s e e how h e ' s s l e e p i n g . C a n ' t w a k e h i m up t h o u g h . . . f e e t p a d d i n g l i g h t l y t h r o u g h h i s b e d r o o m d o o r . . . his so ft e a s y b r e a t h i n g c o m i n g f r o m the pillow. " T a b o o , y ou a s l e e p ? " S h h h , you i d i o t , y o u ' l l w a k e h i m ! I ' l l j u s t w a t c h h i m a m o m e n t . . . h e ' s so be a u t i fu l to w a t c h . . . c o v e r h i m up a l it tle m o r e . . . t h e r e . . . soft k i s s on w a r m c h ee k . " G o od ni ght T a b o o . " F e e t p a d d in g so f tl y on cold f l o o r .

T h i n k I'll w e a r m y l o n g - u n d e r w e a r , so fuck ing co ld . . . put c l o t h e s on c h a i r , into bag q u i c k ­ ly, q u i e t l y . Ah hh , s l e e p , n ice w a r m , soft, g e n t l e , s l e e p . G o d , h e ' s so neat . G l a d h e ' s a s ­ l e e p t h o u g h . . . h i s a f f e c t i o n s t u r n m e o n s o m u c h a n d I ' m v e r y u n s u r e h o w t o a c t w-ith h i m b e i n g so a f f e c t i o n a t e . Know how I'd like to a c t . . . p i c k h i m up and hug h i m so c l o s e , d a n c e all a r o u n d a n d l a u g h t o g e t h e r , be h i g h t o g e t h e r . We d o t h a t t h o u g h , l i k e t h i s a f t e r n o o n ! " H e y M i c h a e l , a n y th i n g I c a n do to he lp h e r e w i t h d i n n e r ? " " N o , n o t r e a l l y S e a n , y o u c o u l d r e a d T a b o o a s t o r y t h o u g h , h e ' d p r o b a b l y r e a l l y g e t of f o n that. " " Y e a h , good i d e a . W h a t w ou ld you like m e to r e a d you T a b o o ? " " H o w a b o u t t h i s o n e ? " He h a n d s m e a b o o k a b o u t a n a t i v e boy l i v i n g i n t he j u n g l e s of I n d ia . . . " W o w , t h a t w a s r e a l l y a g o o d b o o k . I s t h i s o n e of t h e o n e s y o u b o u g h t i n P o r t l a n d f o r t h e d a y care center M ichael?" " Y e a h , t h e y ' r e all p r e t t y good I t h i n k . " " H e y Se a n , you w a n t to d a n c e w i t h m e , " T a b o o a s k s q u i e t l y ? " A h , s u r e T a b o o , a h , I ' l l p u t a r e c o r d o n . " He q u i c k l y l e a v e s t h e r o o m w h i l e I l o o k f o r a n a l b u m of a p p r o p r i a t e d a n c i n g m u s i c . . . B e t t e M i d l e r - - n a w , n o t i n t h i s h o u s e . . . S u p r e m e s ? No , t h e y w o u l d n ' t h a v e a n y o f t h e m e i t h e r . . . m a y b e I ' l l j u s t f a k e it o n t h e a u t o - h a r p . O r w e c a n ju st ad lib s o m e s o r t of a dance to g eth e r. " W h a t k i n d s o f m u s i c d o e s he d a n c e t o M i c h a e l ? " " U m , all kinds r e a l l y . " " H e y , T a b o o , w h a t k i n d o f m u s i c d o y o u l i k e ? " He s u d d e n l y a p p e a r s i n t h e d o o r w a y t o t h e living r o o m in an a v a c a d o g r e e n , f r i l l y , p e t t i c o a t . D o e s a little la u g h and s k i p s o v e r to m e . " O k , I ' l l j u s t p l a y t h e a u t o h a r p h e r e a n d h u m a t u n e . " S l o w l y he b e g i n s d a n c i n g , t w i r l i n g , skipping about. . . " C o m e o n S e a n , " he s a y s a f t e r a b i t . " O k . " I g e t u p a n d t a k e h i s h a n d s a s w e d o a l i t t l e j ig t o g e t h e r .

His s p i r i t r e a l l y c a t c h e s m e a n d I ' m s u d d e n l y f e e l i n g l i k e i t ' s o n l y t h e t w o o f u s o n a w h o l e o t h e r p l a n e t o g e t h e r a n d wc j u m p a n d l a u g h jind 1 p i c k h i m u p , s w i n g h i m a r o u n d a n d a r o u n d a n d w e f i n i s h w i t h m y h u g g i n g h i m , he t h r o w i n g h i s l e g s a r o u n d m y w a i s t a nd h i s a r m s a r o u n d m y n e c k t h e n t o s s i n g hi s h e ad b a c k a s we both lau g h j oyously.

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Slowly I b e c o m e a w a r e of his m o t h e r , a t the f r o n t d o o r w a t c h i n g u s. down onto the floor. " I t hi n k I'll put an a l b u m o n , " I sa y .

We s t o p a n d I p ut h i m

T a b o o , t ake th at thing y o u ' r e w e a r i n g off a n d w a s h up for d i n n e r ! " Ci n d y s a y s - - b u t d o e s n ' t e v e n look a t m e . T a b o o h u r r i e s off o b e d i e n t l y . . . W el l, t ha t j u s t s u p p o r t s m y fe e l in g a s to how s t r a i g h t sh e is! ' Wel l, t o m o r r o w we c a n go bike r i d in g o r s o m e t h i n g t o g e t h e r . S l e e p , s l e e p , restful, peaceful. . . . . .

P r e d a w n lig ht filling the cab in , cold f r o s t y a i r on m y fa ce , w a r m and t o a s t y in m y bag. . . m u s t be a r o u n d f i v e o r s i x . . . g o b a c k t o s l e e p . T o o e a r l y t o g e t u p . G l a d I w o r e m y l o n g u n d e r w e a r . So n i c e a n d w a r m . W o n d e r i f - - w a i t . . . h e a r h i s f e e t . B a r e f e e t p a t t e r i n g o v e r lin o l e u m , co m in g t o w a r d s d o o r . S tops, looks down. Opening d o o r , st a n d in g on t h r e s h o l d .

S i l e n c e , b i r d s i n g s so l o , p i s s h itting d i r t off p o r c h . S t e a m i n g p i s s , b i r d ' s s o l o filling the a i r . D o o r o p e n s w i d e r , he t u r n s , o u r e y e s m e e t .

M o r n i n T a b o o . " S i l e n c e . " S l e e p w e l l ? " He s m i l e s s l i g h t l y , t h e n s a y s : 'I w a n n a c o m e i n t h e r e w i t h you. " H i s s m i l e , s o y o u ng a n d e a g e r . Q u i c k l y he b e n d s d o w n and j u m p s into m y bag. P r e s s i n g o u r b o d i e s c l o s e t o g e t h e r . His b r e a t h i n g e x u d in g p u r e d e 足 l i g h t . He l o o k s a t m e , h i s b o d y , s o w a r m a n d h a r d . S l o w l y I r u b m y h a n d s o n h i s b a c k , a l l o v e r h i s l i t t l e b a c k , he p u r r s w i t h d e l i g h t . S l o w l y , d e e p l y , w e hug t i g h t e r , h e p u t s h i s h e a d on m y c h e s t a nd p r e s s e s his c o c k , li t t le h a r d on, a g a i n s t m y s t o m a c h . Go d, a m I get t i n g t u r n e d o n by h i m ! R u b b i n g m y h a n d s o v e r h i s b a c k s l o w l y , m y o n e h a n d t o u c h e s h i s a s s a n d he w i g g l e s w i t h d e l i g h t p u m p i n g h i s h i p s a g a i n s t , b e t w e e n m y s t o m a c h a n d m y h a n d . J e s u s , he f e e l s s o g r e a t . . . I k n ow h e ' s b l i s s i n g o u t , s a m e a s m e . T h i s i s c o o l , j u s t p u r e a f f e c t i o n .

N ot h i n g we s h o u l d f e e l ba d a b o u t in d o i n g t h i s ! But . . . I k n ow t oo m u c h m o r e t h a n he d o e s . . . g o t t a be c a r e f u l s o I d o n ' t s t a r t , w e l l d o i n g t o o m u c h t o o n l y t u r n h i m o n m o r e . M o v e h a n d s to b a c k a g a i n . S q u e e z e , h u g , " I r e a l l y l i k e you T a b o o , a l o t ! " S m i l e s , w a r m b r e a t h , he c u d 足 dles tighter.

B r e a t h i n g q u i c k l y he t u r n s his fa ce to m e a n d s m i l e s p r e s s i n g hi s h a r d on f i r m 足 ly a g a i n s t m i n e . ' Aw , T a b o o . . . " I t u r n a n d h a v e m y b a c k t o h i m , he p u t s h i s a r m s a r o u n d my c h e s t and sq u e e z e s tightly to m y back. Silence, b re ath in g , soft w a r m b r e a t h a g a i n s t m y b a c k , co ol a i r on m y f a c e . M o r e b i r d s s i ngi ng . Two o r t h r e e now, s w e e t h a r m o n y in the co ld m o r n i n g a i r . Ha nd , his han d s l i d in g do wn m y si d e to m y hip, t h e n q u i c k l y g r a b b i n g m y cock and squeezing f i rm ly .

T h e n his b r e a t h a g a i n h o t t e r on m y ne ck . " H e y Sea n, you w a n t to hav e s o m e b l a c k b e r r y j u i c e ? " " W h a t ' s t h a t T a b o o ? " I t u r n t o l a y o n m y b a c k l o o k i n g a t h i m . He c r o u c h e s , o n a l l f o u r s in t h e b ag , t h e n t u r n s l y in g w i t h h i s f a c e n e x t to m y c o c k . " Y o u ' l l s e e , " he s a y s . H e b e g i n s m a s s a g i n g m y c o c k s l o w l y , t h e n q u i c k e r a n d f i r m e r . " A h , T a b o o , I d o n ' t t hin k I w a n t you to do t h a t . " He s t o p s a n d t u r n s s o h i s h e a d i s a g a i n n e x t t o m i n e . S i l e n c e , o u r b r e a t h i n g , t h e c o o l a i r q u i e t . " H e y , l e t ' s g o l o o k a t t h e g o a t s , " h e s a y s s u d d e n l y . " O k T a b o o , l e t ' s . " He c r a w l s o u t of t h e b a g , b a r e f e e t p a d d i n g a c c r o s s t h e c o l d b a r e f l o o r i n t o h i s r o o m . I p u t m y u n d e r 足 w e a r p a n t s b a c k o n , r e a c h f o r m y j e a n s f r o m t h e c h a i r a n d q u i c k l y p u l l t h e m o n , t h e n o u t of t h e b a g , s o c k s o n , b o o t s on. " H e y T a b o o , ho w ya c o m i n ? " " C o m e h e r e S e a n . " I w a l k o v e r t o h i s r o o m . H e ' s s t a n d i n g by t h e c l o s e t l o o k i n g a t h i s clothes. " W h i c h s h i r t s h o u l d I w e a r ? I w a n t to w e a r a s p e c i a l s h i r t a n d l o o k n i c e f o r y o u ! " " L e t ' s s e e , how a b o u t t h is one , ni ce c o l o r s . "

I pull a fad ed p a i s l e y p r i n t f r o m its h a n g e r .

" O k , I ' l l w e a r t h a t o n e t h e n . " He p u l l s o f f h i s n i g h t - s h i r t a n d p u t s o n t h e o n e I s u g g e s t e d t h e n , l o o k i n g in m y e y e s , g i v e s m e h i s ha n d a n d we w a l k to t h e d o o r .

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T h e d e a d l i n e f o r s e n d i n g in m a t e r i a l to be c o n s i d e r e d f o r t he f all i s s u e is A u g ­ u s t 1st. P l e a s e t r y to s u b m i t r e a d a b l e cop y so we c a n e l i m i n a t e s o m e of the r e t y p i n g l o a d . P h o t o g r a p h s s h o u l d be h i g h c o n t r a s t , black and white, and g r a p h ic s m u s t be in b l a c k ink. We w o u l d l i k e to stro n g ly e n c o u r a g e all potential p o e ts , a r ­ t i s t s and w r i t e r s (which in c l u d e s all of us) t o s i t d o w n a n d gi v e it a t r y . R E D n e e d s m o r e e n e r g y f r o m its r e a d e r s if we w a n t the m a g a z i n e to g r o w . An a d d e d b on us w i l l be t h e p a y m e n t of t wo c o p i e s o f R F D to t h o s e w h o s e w o r k is p u b l is h e d . We r e a l l y a p p r e c i a t e a l l t h e c o n t r i b u t i o n s of m a t e r i a l , e v e n t h o u g h w e c a n n o t i n c l u d e it a l l i n t he m a g a z i n e .

B e t ' s k e e p t he l i t e r ­ a r y and a r t i s t i c s u p p o r t flowing.

While w e ' r e flowing down the R F D s t r e a m , t h e f i n a n c i a l s i d e of R F D n e e d s t o be s t r o n g l y t a l k e d a b o u t . W e d e s p e r a t e l y n e e d a f l o w of m o n e y t o k e e p R F D a l i v e .

T he p r i m a r y w a y you c a n he lp is to r e s u b ­ scribe when your subscription lapses or s u b s c r i b e if y o u h a v e n ' t a l r e a d y .

T h is is t h e b l o o d l i n e of R F D . T h e l a s t t w o i s s u e s h a v e o n l y b e e n a b l e t o be p u b l i s h e d b e ­ c a u s e of t h e e m e r g e n c y h e l p of o n e m a n .

A f t e r t h i s , we c a n no l o n g e r c o n ti n u e w i t h ­ out m o n e y c o m i n g in f r o m o t h e r s o u r c e s .

M a i n l y s u b s c r i p t i o n s . Gi v e e v e r y o n e you know a gift s u b s c r i p t i o n f o r t h e i r b i r t h d a y , s u m m e r solstice, six month a n n iv e rs a ry , o r w h a t e v e r . Tel l us ab o u t lo cal book s t o r e s w h i c h m i g h t c a r r y R F D . L e t us k n o w h o w i m p o r t a n t t h e m a g a z i n e i s to y o u r l i v e s , by m a k i n g a s u s t a i n e d e f f o r t to h e lp us in w h a t e v e r w a y you c an .

RFD i s n o t j u s t t h e p e o p l e w h o l a y it o u t ; w e a r e all RFD.

WASH T H O S E HANDS W hen m y friend ta k e s a p iss and then c o m e s out of the r e s t r o o m in, s a y , H o w a r d J o h n s o n ' s ( go d f o r b i d ) , he g o e s t h r o u g h t h e m o t i o n s of s h a k i n g w a t e r o f f h i s ( p e r f e c t l y d r y ) h a n d s a s if he ha d j u s t w a s h e d t h e m .

T his g e s t u r e is done with t o n g u e - i n - c h e c k .

W h a t he i s r e a l l y d o i n g i s a d e l i b e r a t e e x ­ e r c i s e i n t h e o n l y v a l i d ( e n l i g h t e n e d ) w a y of h a n d l i n g h y p o c r i s y . He i s n o t e s c a p i n g f r o m h y p o c r i s y ; he i s " l i v i n g - i n - i t a t t e n t i v e l y " .

It a l l s t a r t e d w h e n he w a s t e l l i n g m e t h a t he d o e s n ' t ha ve a h y p o c r i t i c a l c e l l in h i s e n t i r e b ody. T e n m i n u t e s l a t e r w e w e n t to M r. J o h n s o n 's u r i n a l r o o m and u r in a te d in the p r o p e r m a n n e r ( e y e s to th e c e i l in g ) , z i p p e d - u p a nd p r o c e e d e d to w a s h o u r h a n d s .

I a s k e d , " D o y ou a l w a y s w a s h y o u r h a n d s a f ­ t e r you p i s s ? " "N o, only w hen t h e r e ' s s o m e o n e e ls e in h e re . " _ . , ...

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B U Y I N G L A N D IS E A S I E R T H A N YOU T H I N K be $ 2 0 , 0 0 0 . If t h e l a n d h a s a h o u s e o r o t h e r s t r u c t u r e s o n i t , t h e p r i c e s o a r s . So if m o n e y i s s o m e t h i n g y o u d o n ' t h a v e a l o t of, m y s u g g e s t i o n w o u l d be t o m a k e d o w i t h a tent o r o th e r hastily c o n s t r u c t e d dwelling until you c an build s o m e t h i n g m o r e p e r m a ­ nent. You m a y ha v e to h a s s l e s o m e b u i l d ­ i ng c o d e s , b u t if y o u s h o w t h e m t h a t y o u a r e building a p e r m a n e n t d w e l l i n g , they will p r o b a b l y be s a t i s f i e d .

T h e r e a r e s e v e r a l d i f f e r e n t w a y s to p u r c h a s e l a n d . O n e , y o u c a n p a y f o r it o u t ­ r i g h t . If y o u c a n m a n a g e t o d o t h i s , y o u w i l l p r o b a b l y be a b l e t o g e t t h e o w n e r t o r e ­ duce his p u r c h a s e p r i c e c o n s i d e r a b l y , s in ce he w o n ' t h a v e t o h a s s l e w i t h a f i v e o r t e n o r fifteen y e a r c o n tr a c t. M o s t likely the o w n ­ e r a l s o o w e s m o n e y o n t h e l a n d , a n d if y o u p a y c a s h f o r i t, h e ' l l be a b l e t o p a y of f h i s l o an . T h i s is o b v i o u s l y t he e a s i e s t w a y to buy a n y t h i n g , but s i n c e v e r y f ew of u s h a ve t h a t k i n d of m o n e y s i t t i n g a r o u n d , t h e r e a r e a n u m b e r of o t h e r o p t io n s . A s e c o n d wa y t o b u y l a n d i s t h r o u g h a C o n t r a c t of S a l e .

T h is is p r o b a b l y the m o s t a d v a n t a g e o u s a r ­ rangement.

Yo u d o n ' t h a v e t o c o m e u p w i t h a d o w n p a y m e n t ; all you n eed is to m a k e m o n t h l y p a y m e n t s , a n d in t h i s w a y g r a d u a l ­ ly b u i l d y o u r o w n e r s h i p . C o n t r a c t of S a l e s

R e a l l y a l l it a m o u n t s t o i s j u s t d e c i d ­ ing t h a t y o u a r e g o i n g t o d o it a n d t h e n s e t o u t a n d g e t it d o n e . F o r y e a r s I d r e a m e d of m o v i n g o n t o s o m e l a n d i n t h e c o u n t r y bu t w a s f r i g h t e n e d a w a y by a l l t h e i m a g i n e d o b ­ stacles, p rim a rily money.

Recently I b o u g h t 8 a c r e s of c o u n t r y p r o p e r t y , w i t h so m e frie n d s , n e a r E ugene, O regon. Since this is only the s e c o n d t i m e t h a t I ha ve p u r ­ c h a s e d p r o p e r t y , I d o n ' t c l a i m m y s e l f t o be an e x p e rt.

Bu t h a v i n g g o n e t h r o u g h t he p r o ­ c e s s a n d h o p i n g t h a t m o r e of m y b r o t h e r s and s i s t e r s will, I would like to p a s s a lon g s o m e of t h e t h i n g s t h a t I h a v e l e a r n e d .

T h e f i r s t t h i n g t h a t y o u n e e d t o d o is s i m p l y d e c i d e t hat living on t h e land is a p r i o r i t y in y o u r l i f e a n d t h a t y o u w i l l d e ­ v o t e s o m e e n e r g y in t h a t d i r e c t i o n .

This, I s u s p e c t , is t h e b i g g e s t o b s t a c l e to g e t t i n g a nyt hi ng do n e , in clu di ng buying land. Once you h a v e g o t t e n o v e r t h i s , t h i n g s w i l l f a l l into p l a c e a n d b e f o r e you kn o w it, v oi ld y o u ' l l be i n t h e c o u n t r y .

M o n e y , n e e d l e s s to s a y , p l a y s a r o l e .

L a n d g e n e r a l l y c o s t s a l ot of m o n e y . If you buy o n l y 1 a c r e it wi l l be m o r e e x p e n s i v e p e r a c r e t h a n if y o u buy m a n y a c r e s .

For e x a m p l e , n e a r E u g e n e 1 a c r e of l a n d m a y c o s t $ 3 , 0 0 0 , b ut t e n a c r e s w o u l d t y p i c a l l y

26

g e n t, you c a n p r o b a b l y g et a b e t t e r d e a l , if y o u a r e c a r e f u l n o t t o be t a k e n . D u r i n g t h i s w h o l e p r o c e s s of s e a r c h i n g f o r lan d, m a k e s u r e y o u a s k l o t s of q u e s t i o n s a b o u t su c h things a s zoning, building and septic p e rm its, w ater, m in eral rights, loans, fu­ t u r e plans for the a r e a , soil conditions, an d r i g h t - o f - w a y s f o r a c c e s s . And k e e p your e a r s open when you t a lk to people, fo r t h e y wil l tune you into l o c a l p e c u l a r i t i e s .

Onc e you h av e found s o m e land th at you like a nd c a n a f f o r d , go on to it a nd si t do wn and g e t c a l m a n d f e e l it. You m a y w a n t t o go o n t o it a g a i n a t a d i f f e r e n t t i m e of d a y o r in d i f f e r e n t w e a t h e r c o n d i t i o n s a n d s e e how it f e e l s . If y o u a r e b u y i n g i t w i t h f r i e n d s , a l l of y o u g o o n t o it a n d s e e how- it f e e l s t o g e t h ­ e r . F i n d a nd t a l k to th e n e i g h b o r s . A s k t h e m q u e s t i o n s ab o u t the a r e a . N e x t you w i l l w a n t t o g o t o t he c i t y o r c o u n t y a g e n ­ c ie s and a s k m o r e q u e stio n s . Find out at t he t a x a s s e s s o r ' s o f f i c e , t h e a s s e s s e d v a l ­ u e ( w h i c h w i l l t u r n o ut t o be c o n s i d e r a b l y l e s s t h a n t h e m a r k e t v a l u e , e v e n a t 100% v a l u a t i o n ) , the t a x e s , the h i s t o r y of p r e ­ vious o w n e r s , and all y our n e ig h b o rs ' names.

T a l k to the city o r co u n ty p l a n n e r a nd find ou t w h at p l a n s th e y have f o r the a r e a . F ind out the building codes.

Talk to the f i r e and h e a l t h m a r s h a l l s ab o u t any r e s t r i c t i o n s on l a n d u s e . M a n y of t h e s e r e ­ s t r i c t i o n s y o u m a y be a b l e t o g e t a r o u n d but m a k e s u r e t h a t a t l e a s t you k n ow w h a t t h e y a r e . O nc e you hav e do ne a ll th is and s t i ll f e e l good a b o u t buying the p i e c e you f o u n d , y o u w i l l n e e d to m a k e a n o f f e r to t he seller.

T his is done th ro u g h an E a r n e s t M oney A g r e e m e n t . T his a g r e e m e n t tells the s e l ­ l e r e x a c t l y y o u r o f f e r and is u s u a l l y a c c o m ­ p a n i e d w i t h m o n e y ( $5 0 0 o r $1000) w’h i c h i s r e f u n d a b l e i f t h e d e a l f a l l s t h r o u g h . In it a l s o a r e a l l y o u r c o n d i t i o n s of s a l e . F o r i n s t a n c e , in o u r E a r n e s t M o n e y A g r e e m e n t n e a r E u g e n e w e i n c l u d e d a s c o n d i t i o n s of sa le th at r i g h t - o f - w a y to the p r o p e r t y on a p riv ate road and a s e p tic tank p e r m i t w e r e a v a i l a b l e . If t h e s e l l e r l i k e s y o u r o f f e r , he o r she will sign u n d e r y o u r s i g n a tu r e , and t h e d e a l i s c o n c l u d e d . If n o t , he w i l l m a k e a c o u n t e r o f f e r f o r you to c o n s i d e r . H o p e ­ f u l l y y o u w i l l be a b l e t o r e a c h a g r e e m e n t .

T h e n in vit e y o u r f r i e n d s to y o u r new lan d , give th a n k s to o u r m o t h e r e a r t h , a nd have

a r e h a r d t o c o m e b y, s i n c e t h e o w n e r g e t s v e r y little i m m e d ia t e c a s h r e w a r d for s e l l ­ ing h i s l a n d . And if y o u do c o m e by o n e , a s k l o t s of q u e s t i o n s b e c a u s e t h e l a n d m a y h a v e s o m e t h i n g w r o n g w i t h it, a n d t h e o w n ­ e r i s t r y i n g t o g e t r i d of i t . I a l m o s t b ou g ht s o m e l a n d in C a l i f o r n i a u s i n g a C o n ­ t r a c t of Sal e but d i d n 't b e c a u s e the a c r e a g e t u r n e d o u t t o b e o n t h e s i d e of a c l i f f . O t h e r t h i n g s t o w a t c h o u t f o r m i g h t be: l a c k of w a t e r , a f r e e w a y p l a n n e d n e a r b y , d e n i a l of septic tank p e r m i t s , unusual e a s e m e n ts ( t h e r i g h t o f s o m e o n e t o u s e a p o r t i o n of the land), o r a g a r b a g e d um p planned for t he n e i g h b o r i n g l ot . T h e t h i r d , a n d p r o b a ­ bly the m o s t c o m m o n w a y to buy lan d is th rough a L and Sale C o n tr a c t.

This m e a n s th at the b u y e r p a y s the s e l l e r a do wn p a y ­ m e n t ( u s u a l l y a r o u n d 20 % of t h e p u r c h a s e p r i c e ) a nd a g r e e s to m a k e m o n t h l y p a y ­ m e n t s u n t i l t h e b a l a n c e i s p a i d of f . B e ­ c a u s e i t ' s a l o a n , t h e r e w i l l be a n i n t e r e s t r a te , w hich m e a n s the s e l l e r o r the bank ge ts a lot m o r e m o n e y than ju st the p u r ­ chase price.

Be c a r e f u l t h a t y o u r i n t e r e s t r a t e i s r e a s o n a b l e , c e r t a i n l y n o t o v e r 10% p e r y e a r . If y o u c a n o f f e r a h i g h e r d o w n p a y m e n t t h a n the s e l l e r r e q u e s t e d , you hav e s o m e b a r g a i n i n g p o w e r to r e d u c e the p u r c h a s e p r i c e . N a t u r a l l y the l o n g e r you t a k e t o p a y off t he l o a n , t h e l o w e r t h e m o n t h l y p a y m e n t s w i l l be ( a n d t h e m o r e i n ­ t e r e s t t h e b a n k o r s e l l e r w' ill g e t ) .

If y o u c a n g e t t o g e t h e r w i t h s o m e f r i e n d s , b u y i n g p r o p e r t y w i l l be a l l t h e e a s ­ i e r b e c a u s e you c a n s h a r e th e e x p e n s e s .

I r e a l l y f e el good a b o u t the p e o p le who w e n t in w i t h m e a nd a m hoping to build a good c o m m u n ity . F i n a n c ia lly , m y s h a r e o f t h e d o w n p a y m e n t w a s $ 8 3 3, a n d m y s h a r e of t h e m o n t h l y p a y m e n t s i s $ 3 3 . It s u r e b e a t s pa yin g r e n t to s o m e u nk now n l a n d l o r d . I a m c o n t i n u a l l y a m a z e d at the p o w e r a g r o u p of p e o p l e h a v e a s o p p o s e d t o a single p e r s o n . U n l e s s you have a p r e tt y good job o r a r e i n d e p e n d e n t l y w e a l t h y , you p r o b a b l y c a n ' t a f f o r d to buy p r o p e r t y a l o n e , m o s t l y b e c a u s e of the d ow n p a y m e n t . But it is s u r p r i s i n g how li t t le m o n e y e a c h p e r ­ s o n n e e d s to c o n t r i b u t e w h e n he o r s h e i s p a r t of a c o m m u n i t y . N a t u r a l l y t h e m e m ­ b e r s o f t h e c o m m u n i t y n e e d t o be a b s o l u t e l y c l e a r on t h e i r r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s , f i n a n c i a l a n d o t h e r w i s e . B u y i n g a n d l i v i n g o n t he lan d is a long t e r m c o m m i t t m e n t w h i c h m e a n s good c o m m u n i c a ti o n b etw een c o m ­ m u n it y m e m b e r s is e s s e n t i a l .

F i n d i n g s u i t a b l e p r o p e r t y t o b u y c a n be tim e-consum ing.

B u t I f o u n d i t t o be q u i t e enjoyable.

You c a n l e a r n a l o t a b o u t t h e a r e a by d r i v i n g a r o u n d loo k in g a t land and t a l k i n g t o p e o p l e w h o l i v e t h e r e . If y o u b u y p r o p e r t y w i t h o u t t h e a i d of a r e a l e s t a t e a ­ 27

a l a n 's frien d and his f r i e n d 's frien d j u l y 17, 1975

i t ' s the b e e r blonde a t the n e x t t ab l e ha s s e a g u l l s on h e r b r e a s t s , m o v i n g , m a y b e th ey would lik e to join u s c h a s i n g m e f o r s e v e n y e a r s i d o n ' t w a n t to s e e h i m , t h e r e a r e p l e n t y of p l a c e s t o c a m p o u t l o a d s i s he r u b b i n g t h a t o t h e r m a n ' s l e g ? is h e ? he i s i s h e ? he i s a r e they? th is is m y l o v e r bill oh t h a t ' s c u t e a l a n l e t ' s go o u t hell o doug doug dan hello d an doug hello j o e d ou g d o u g j o e h e l l o h e l l o no no n ot f o l k m u s i c a n y t h i n g e l s e but t h a t , no r o a d s o n g s p l e a s e p l e a s e st o p sh ut the l ig h t s s ho o t the m o s q u i t o s i t's the b e e r you sa i d y o u r m o t h e r a l w a y s c a l l e d h i m the h a n d s o m e one, is she fond of the p e k i n g e s e is she? b o r i n g , d o n ' t s c r e a m a l a n p l e a s e d o n ' t s c r e a m t h e y ' r e ta lk in g i m e a n it s e e see how m u c h ? they both live w o r k t r a v e l t o g e t h e r y e t w o n ' t to u ch look people around s e p a r a t e sc h i z o p h r e n ic sleeping bags m y head h u r ts i want a donut why is th a t m a n w a lk in g a r o u n d w i t h ha lf a h a r d o n ? you w e r e so g r a c i o u s a l a n he w o u l d n e v e r g u e s s t h a t you t h i n k h e ' s b o r i n g a n d u p t i g h t a n d i n t h e c l o s e t a n d you d o n ' t l i ke h i m , he t r e m b l e d w h e n you s a i d m a s t u r b a t e , w h a t ? what? i was low-key k no w it i k n o w i w a s t he m o o n i n h a l f , r e d g u i d e s u p a h e a d i c a n ' t c o m e c a n ' t hot too hot i w a n t to c o m e give m e i t ' s the b e e r i t ' s the b e e r

bill t a o r m i n o

Z8

SW EET TOOTH SWEET BREAD I'm the and I'm My

up s o e a r l y su n 's behind m e w h e n it f i n d s m e baking, muffins a r e rising with delight

mix . . .

2 cups w a rm w ater 1 1/2 t a b l e s p o o n s d r y a c t i v e y e a s t ; l e t i t s t a n d u n t i l it b u b b l e s add . . . 1 blended banana 1 blended papaya 1/2 cup honey 1 2 c u p r a i s i n s o r d a t e s ( o r both) a b l e n d e d a p p l e , if y o u l i k e add . . . 4 - 5 c u p s f l o u r ( a l s o 1/2 - 1 cup g l u t e n f l o u r , if y o u h a v e i t); t h i s m i x t u r e s h o u l d be l i k e a t h i c k m u d , so keep adding flour, o r e v en a c u p of d r y m i l k l e t t h i s m u d - m i x t u r e s i t u n t i l it r i s e s (ab out 1/2 h o u r - t a k e a b r e a k ) then add . . .

1/ 4 c u p oil ( c a r e f u l n ot t o t e a r d o u g h , t r y m i x i n g f r o m t h e b o t t o m o f t he

W i t h a l l t he k n e a d i n g of f l o u r a nd ho ne y, m y m i n d g o e s funny I m i s s you, My c o o k ie s a r e s h a p i n g w i t h d e li g h t I, I n e v e r m e a n t t o b r u i s e y ou w i t h c h a n g e s I w e n t t h r o u g h , Yo u , h o w y o u s e e d e d m e , T r u t h f u l w i t h l o v e ........... t h a t c o m p l e t e d m e Yes I w a s hiding in f i bs and p a s s i o n , it s e e m e d t h e f a s h i o n to s o o t h e m e , No w t r u t h it i s r i s i n g w i t h d e l i g h t

b o w l , l e t t i n g t h e o i l b l e n d in) if you so d e s i r e , a d d two b e a t e n e g g s now 1 teaspoon cinnamon 1/2 tea sp o o n a llsp ic e 3 - 4 cups flour (working with your hands until the dough begins to m ove a w a y f r o m the bowl; m o r e f l o u r m a y be n e e d e d d e p e n d i n g o n h o w m u c h j u i c e w a s in the f r u i t you a d d e d ; w h e n dough b e c o m e s e a s y to handle, knead it w e l l, a d d in g f l o u r to the k n e a d i n g s u r f a c e to p r e v e n t sticking) the d o u g h sh ould beg in to hold the s h a p e of a ball and feel a li v e a nd s p r i n g b a c k w he n you f o r c e it down and its s u r f a c e will begin to s h i n e now . . . p l a c e the k n e a d e d d o u g h in a n o i le d bowl; t u r n it o v e r to c o a t both sides c o v e r a n d l e t r i s e u n t i l d o u b l e (1 h r ) in a w a r m p a r t of the h o u s e t h e n . . . a f t e r it i s d o u b l e , p r e s s i t d o w n with y o u r f i s t s to f o r c e a i r out c o v e r and let double a g ain when the dough has r i s e n the second tim e , i t i s r e a d y t o s h a p e i n t o l o a v e s (2 o r 3); s h a p e in oile d p a n s an d l et r i s e 1/2 h o u r finally . . .

You , y ou s h o u l d s e e m e beating the dough so sw eetly , W ondering, what should I do, F a c e d w i t h t h e t r u t h ........... t h a t I ' v e c o m e I read your letters, they say you're changing, now I ' m a r r a n g i n g to s e e you, My t e m p e r a t u r e 's rising with delight And now I ' m t hin ki ng that c r e a m and s p ic e s a r e not a s nice as your k isse s, My m e m o r i e s a r e shaping with delight Yo u , y o u a r e t h e l o v e r n e v e r r e p l a c e d by a n o t h e r a nd , w h e n I s e e you, P e a c e i s t h e s w e e t ........... w e w i l l c h e w Expectation,

it s m e l l s l i k e d e l i g h t Shashi M usso

b a k e a t 3 5 0 f o r 45 - 65 m i n u t e s , o r until brow n and hollow sounding w h e n t a p p e d w i t h y o u r f i n g e r to t h e c e n t e r of t h e l o a f .

Shashi M usso

29

J o h n G i b b s , a f e d e r a l p r i s o n e r a t t he US f e d e r a l p r i s o n a t M a r i o n , I L h a s f i l e d s e v e r a l su its a g a in s t the g o v e r n m e n t, in ­ c l u d i n g t h e U S B u r e a u of P r i s o n s , f o r a s ­ s a u l t s a n d b e a t i n g s s u f f e r e d a t t he h a n d s of o f f i c i a l s .

B r o t h e r John has been the v i c t i m of s e v e r e i n t i m i d a t i o n , a s s a u l t s a n d h a r a s s m e n t s i n c e he h e l p e d o r g a n i z e a c h a p ­ t e r of N a t i o n a l G a y P r i s o n e r s C o a l i t i o n in

<t MORE LETTERS...

19 7 2 .

T h e V i c e - c h a i r m a n of t h i s c h a p t e r w a s s e t - u p a n d m u r d e r e d by o f f i c i a l s i n N o v e m ­ b e r , 1973 a n d m a n y f e e l t h e s a m e f a t e i s planned for the C h a ir m a n .

Sin ce 1973, B r o t h e r Jo h n h a s b e en p l a c e d i n 20 j a i l s a n d 6 U S f e d e r a l p r i s o n s , a n d in i s o l a t i o n s e v e r a l t i m e s i n a n a t t e m p t to b r e a k hi s s p i r i t s in his g a l l a n t s t r u g g l e f o r t h e r i g h t s of a l l h i s g a y b r o t h e r s .

Dur­ i n g t h i s t i m e , he h a s b e e n d e n i e d t h e r i g h t to s e l f - h e l p p r o g r a m s a s w e l l a s the o p p o r ­ t u n it y to e a r n e x t r a good d a y s o r m o n e y a s other p riso n ers.

T h i s t y p e of t r e a t m e n t is o n l y a r e f l e c t i o n of t h e t a c t i c s b e i n g i n f l i c ­ ted on o p e n ly g ay p r i s o n e r s who do not c o n ­ f o r m to the d e m o r a l i z a t i o n an d d e h u m a n i ­ zation p r o c e s s at w o r k in o u r f e d e r a l p r i s o n system .

T o h e l p p ut a n e n d to t h e s e i n j u s t i c e s s o i n h e r e n t in t h e s y s t e m , we m u s t u n i t e to c a r r y t h r o u g h the fight f o r G a y Ri g h ts for a l l , r i c h a n d p o o r . We a s k a l l r e a d e r s i n ­ t e r e s t e d i n t h e r i g h t s of g a y p e o p l e t o s e n d d o n a t i o n s to h e lp p ay f o r a t t o r n e y f e e s and c o u r t e x p e n s e s ; a l s o , l e t t e r s of s u p p o r t .

A s B r o t h e r J o h n i s a n i n d i g e n t p r i s o n e r , he m u s t d e p e n d on y o u r d o n a t i o n s .

P l e a s e s e n d a l l d o n a t i o n s , l e t t e r s of s u p p o r t , e t c . t o: A t t o r n e y F r e d d y L. S h a ­ p i r o , 1006 W a l n u t St , M u r p h y s b o r o , I L 62 966.

W ith P a u l J o h n s o n I ' m w o r k i n g on a how to -b u ild it b oo k a b o u t h a n d - c r a f t e d h o m e s .

The book will have c o lo r p h o to g rap h s and w i l l be a b o u t t h e p e o p l e a s w e l l a s a b o u t t h e houses.

It's i m p o r t a n t to us not to p e r p e t ­ u a te the lie t h a t t h o s e c r e a t i n g a l t e r n a t i v e lifestyles a r e m o stly h e te ro s e x u a l and m o n a g a m o u s . We w a n t t o i n c l u d e f a g g o t s , l e s ­ b i a n s , a l l s o r t s of l o v e l y p e o p le liv i n g all s o r t s of w a y s - a l o n e , i n c o u p l e s , i n g r o u p s m o s t l y i n t h e c o u n t r y b u t i n t h e c i t y t o o . If y o u m i g h t l i k e t o be i n c l u d e d , p l e a s e g e t i n touch.

M ark M orris B o x 38 P o e , WV 2 6 6 8 3 I have, hopefully, an in te r e s t in g q u e s t i o n to b r i n g u p . A r e t h e r e a n y of you g u y s out t h e r e in c o u n t r y v i l l e wh o a r e f o r m i n g , th in k i n g of f o r m i n g , o r a l r e a d y in v o lv e d in a s p i r i t u a l c o m m u n i t y ? I a m p r e s e n t l y living at a foundation with a g ro u p of ni ce p e o p le w o r k i n g on a h ig h a w a r e n e s s program .

The p r o b l e m fo r m e is that I ju s t d o n 't feel m y p r e s e n t situ atio n lends i t s e l f to o p e n g a y n e s s . I t 's no t t h a t I fe e l p a r t i c u l a r l y o p p r e s s e d , I j u s t w o n d e r if a m o r e o p e n e n v i r o n m e n t m i g h t be m o r e b e n e f i c i a l . So, I a m s e n d i n g out m y f e e l ­ e r s in c a s e t h e r e i s a b e t t e r p l a c e f o r m e .

I b e l i e v e t h e b e s t w a y f o r m e to do t h is is in a g r o u p s t r i v i n g f o r h i g h e r c o n ­ sciousness.

I w o u l d l i k e t h e g r o u p t o be a t l e a s t p a r t g a y and o p e n to a ll k i n d s of p e o ­ ple with s i m i l a r sp i r i tu a l go als. I believe t h a t G o d a c c e p t s m e a s g a y a n d I w a n t t o be a p a r t of a g r o u p t h a t c a n e a s i l y a c c e p t this.

I'd love to h e a r f r o m a n y o n e w i t h i d e a s o r a t r ip a l r e a d y a happening. I d o n 't have m u c h to o f f e r m o n e t a r i l y , b u t I h a v e a l o t of l o v e a n d a g o o d d a y s w o r k i n m e t o h e l p the right c a u s e .

S u r e w o u l d l i k e to h e a r f r o m yo u s p i r i t ­ ualistic f r e a k s !

Love to all, Christian O u t l o o k I nn P O Box 210 E a s t s o u n d WA 98245

We a r e a n a n d r o g y n o u s v e g e t a r i a n f a m ­ i l y of f i v e w h o a r e s e e k i n g o n e o r t w o a d o p t a b l e o r f o s t e r c h i l d r e n o v e r t h e a g e of t h r e e . T e e n a g e r s a r e w e lc o m e d and should be w i l l i n g t o s h a r e i n t h e j o y s a n d c h o r e s of a l a r g e m o u n t a i n r a n c h . We a l s o n e e d a v e g e t a r i a n cook (nanny t y p e ? ) , and s e v e r a l a m i a b l e r a n c h h a n d s t o w o r k in t h e g a r d e n s help with f e n c e s , c o r r a l s , etc.

Renumera­ t i o n in r o o m a n d b o a r d , m o d e s t w a g e , c l e a n a i r an d w a t e r , p o s i t i v e e n e r g i e s , and 9000 a c r e s of p u r e p r i v a c y . T h o s e i n t e r e s t e d p l e a s e send a l e t t e r about y o u r se lf o r the c h i l d a l o n g w i t h a r e c e n t p h o t o to R o c k C r e e k Ranch, White B ird , Idaho 83554

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T h an k s for the c o n ta ct list. I w a s s u r ­ p r i s e d t o s e e t h e n o t e a t t h e e n d of i t, a b o u t t n e m a g a z i n e b e i n g in c r i s i s . S u r p r i s e d a n d a l a r m e d , b e c a u s e R F D m e a n s a lot to m e.

As a city faggot who f a n ta s i z e s leaving for a s m a l l town o r the co u n try , 1 look to R FD a s one p o ss ib le way to a c h ie v e th is , th ro u g h its l e t t e r s .

M o r e t h a n t h a t , tho I find the a r t i c l e s t o be v e r y g o o d , a n d t o t y p i f y t h a t s p i r i t o r fe el in g of b r o t h e r h o o d a n d o p t i m ­ i s m w h i c h f o r m e i s i t. N o o t h e r p u b l i c a ­ t i o n t h a t 1 r e a d o r k now o f h a s t h i s .

I e s p e c i a l l y h a v e l i k e d t he t o p i c n a t u r e of r e c e n t m a g a z i n e s , s u c h a s t h e i s s u e w i t h m a n y a r t i c l e s on ga y p e o p l e a n d c h i l d r e n .

It s e e m s t o m e t h e r e a r e m a n y p o s s i b l e t o p i c s w h i c h c o u l d be f o c u s e d o n , s u c h a s being political, thoughts about the city, liv in g a r r a n g e m e n t s ( f a m i l y c o m m u n e vs lo v er a r r a n g e m e n t vs r o o m a t e a r r a n g e m e n t etc. ) Also, to p ic s not n e c e s s a r i l y gay c o u l d be c h o s e n s u c h a s a r t a n d l i t e r a t u r e or "T he g e neration gap" o r c h ild -re a rin g .

I c a n 't se e the m a g a z i n e dying fo r l a c k of m o n e y . Not w h e n s o m a n y l e t t e r s s t a r t out " R F D r e a l l y m e a n s a lot to m e , " o r s o m e v a r i a n t of s a m e .

Love and p e a c e , s i n c e r e l y M a rk Sherkow 6 8 2 6 N W a y n e St C h ica g o , IL 60626

A r e t h e r e any gay m e n out t h e r e wh o a r e i n t e r e s t e d in having two boys, a g e s 9 1 '2 a n d 3, l i v e w i t h y o u f o r a w h i l e i n t h e c o u n try . 1 a m a le s b ia n , and t ry in g to r a i s e two b r i g h t , s e n s i t i v e boys in a s m a l l NYC a p a r t m e n t is a l m o s t im p a s s ib l e .

They need a b r e a k f r o m t he c i t y a n d w e n e e d a b r e a k fro m each other.

I’m l o o k i n g f o r a n a l t e r ­ n a t i v e l i v i n g s i t u a t i o n f o r t h e m e i t h e r f ul l or part tim e.

P l e a s e r e sp o n d to S h e r r y H a r r i o t , 105 T h o m p s o n St . # 6 , NYC 10012. T h a n k you.

1 w a s m u c h d i s t r e s s e d to r e a d the C i r c l e of L o v i n g C o m p a n i o n ’ s s t a t e m e n t - j u s t the p a r t r e g a y n e s s a n d g e n e t i c s . T w o y e a r s ago I w r o te an a r t i c l e for the Gay L i b e r a t o r o n t h e s u b j e c t , r e v i e w i n g t he l i t e r a t u r e , etc.

T h e r e is no g e n e t i c e v id e n c e !

Now t he ol d l i n e h o m o p h o b e (Karlm an n ) did s a y it w a s , but no one e l s e h a s su b s ta n tia te d th e i r findings. F J K a r l m a n n a l s o s h o w s p i c t u r e s of t h e " t h r e e t y p e s of h o m o s e x u a l " (i. e . a c t i v e , p a s s i v e a n d v e r ­ s a t i l e ) a n d s o on .

The m o d ern homophobes (Alexander, our friendly e v o lu tio n ary biologist) a r e j u s t a s bad. T o o bad the T i m e M a g a z i n e a r t i c l e did n 't have all the f a cts.

T r u s t m e (as a P h D in g e n e tic s): th e r e is no g e n e t i c b a s i s f o r g a y n e s s .

As a ga y l i b e r a t i o n i s t , t h a t is a r e a l l y fine s t a t e of a f f a i r s - w e a r e not e n v i r o n ­ m e n ta lly c a u s e d (unhappy h o m e s , CBI m o t h e r s e t c . ) n o r a r e w e " m u t a n t s " ----w e c h o o s e t o be g a y . A n d t h a t ' s w' hat i s s o s c a r y t o t h e s t r a i g h t w o r l d - - a n y o n e of t h e m c o u l d c h o o s e t o be t o o . A n d o f c o u r s e t h e y m u s t s o m e d a y (if I g e t m y w i s h ) e v e r y o n e w i l l be g a y ( i . e . f r e e o f g e n d e r r e s ­ trictions).

We g a y f o l k s a r e ’ c h a n g e l i n g s ' b r o u g h t up f o r g e n e r a t i o n s by s t r a i g h t f o lk . We a r e not, h o w e v er, s o m e g e n etic M a s t e r r a c e , but we will r e p a y t h o s e s t r a i g h t p e o p l e f o r t h e i r g e n e r a t i o n s of k i n d n e s s by finally liberating th em f r o m th eir roles.

I hav e c o p i e s of a b i b l i o g r a p h y on g e n ­ etic, cyto g en etic and o t h e r biologic t h e o r i e s of t h e ' c a u s e ' of g a y n e s s . I ' l l s e n d o n e t o anyone who w ants one.

M u c h gay love to y 'll M ichael her C hristionson 4 6 2 5 O k e m u s Rd O k e m u s , MI 48864

A good b r o t h e r of m i n e got a s u b s c r i p ­ t io n to you a s a gift. I r e a d his w i n t e r s o l ­ s t i c e i s s u e , a nd had so m a n y e n t h u s i a s t i c thoughts I 'm not s u r e I could put t h e m all clown. S u f f i c e i t t o s a y t h a t a t p r e s e n t i t ' s the on ly m a g a z i n e (but i t ' s s o m u c h m o r e ! ) t h a t I s u b s c r i b e t o.

At p r e s e n t I l i v e i n t h e c i t y - - I k n o w l i t ­ tle a b o u t c o u n t r y life a n d ha v e li t t le r e ­ s o u r c e s ( r e a d : m o n e y ) to do so a n y w a y .

One da y , h o w e v e r , I know I 'v e got to. I t 's h a r d s o m e t i m e s to t h in k in the city; m a y b e i t ' s a little like d o p e - - n i c e in r e a s o n a b l e a m o u n t s b ut it w r a p s i t s e l f a r o u n d y o u r thoughts.

I ' d l i k e to h e a r m o r e f r o m p e o p l e i n the c o u n t r y , e s p e c i a l l y if t h e y ' r e in K e n t u c k y o r S o u th e rn Indiana.

T h e V a l e n t i n e ' s r a p by D a n f r o m M a i n e was su p e rb . M uch love to e v e r y o n e .

Nam aste.

C a r y Cline 2052 M i d l a n d Ave B a s m t L o u i s v i l l e , KY 4 0 2 0 4

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One of m y favorite a r t i c l e s in the las t issu e is Rob D o b s o n 's 'D an ce L ib e r a t i o n .'

I have su c h a d m i r a t i o n fo r anyone who t a k e s t i m e a n d i s a b l e to e x p r e s s hi s lov e for som ething o r som eone. E x p re s sio n a l ­ lows f o r s h a r i n g , and s h a r i n g is loving.

So m a n y t h i n g s t h a t R o b s a y s i n h i s a r t i c l e r e a l l y i n t e r e s t m e , a nd b e s t of a l l , being a b l e to r e a d a b o u t h i s v i e w p o in t helped m e m o r e c l e a r l y to u n d e r s t a n d m y own. As d a n c e r s , o u r s t a n d s a r e d i f f e r e n t , but o u r l o v e f o r t he D a n c e s e e m s v e r y m u c h the s a m e .

I a m glad that Rob c a r e d enough to s h a r e h i s h i g h w i t h u s R F D f o l k s . F o r s u r e it h a s h e l p e d m e a l o n g m y w a y .

As I w as re ading " D a n c e L i b e r a t i o n , " I found m y s e l f j ott in g d o w n n o t e s b e c a u s e Rob's thoughts w e r e i n s p ir in g m e to e x a m ­ ine a n d e x p r e s s s o m a n y of m y o w n . F i r s t o f a l l , he s a y s t h a t t h r u h i s d a n c i n g he i s n o t t r y i n g to c o m m u n i c a t e a n y t h i n g to a n y ­ one e l s e . As a d a n c e r , I u s e m y d a n c i n g a s a m e a n s of c o m m u n i c a ti o n . All a r t m u s t have p u r p o s e , and th ru c o m m u n i c a ­ tion, p u r p o s e s a r e ach iev e d .

Rob a s k s " h o w i n t e r e s t i n g w o u l d it be t o w a t c h if I d i d n ' t k n o w h o w t o e n j o y i t m y s e l f ? " He g o e s on to s a y t h a t p r o f e s s i o n a l d a n c e t o ­ day has become just another "s p e c ta to r s p o r t " . Is t h i s r e a l l y t h e c a s e ? B e i n g p e r ­ f o r m a n c e o r i e n t e d , I feel that a d a n c e r ' s p u r p o s e is to m a k e his e x p e r i e n c e on s ta g e a felt e x p e r i e n c e .

T h a t i s , t h r u a n d by com m unication, an audience m e m b e r b e ­ c o m e s m o r e t h a n a s p e c t a t o r - - he b e c o m e s t h e d a n c e r ' s r e a s o n f o r b e i n g by s i m p l y b e i n g th e r e to e x p e r i e n c e and d i s c o v e r the feelin g s b e i n g e x p l o r e d a n d e v o k e d by t h e d a n c e r .

And w h e n a n a u d i e n c e m e m b e r h a s b e e n a w a k ­ ened to seeing and feeling, the d a n c e r ' s p u r ­ pose is r e a l i z e d - - e n l i g h t m e n t , e n lig h te n m e n t t h r u s h a r i n g . And i s n ' t t h a t w h a t R F D is a ll a b o u t ? F o r m e it i s . W e ' v e all j u s t got ta do it! Ru n F l y D a n c e ! W h e t h e r o n e i s on a s t a g e o r i n t h e m e a d o w , if he i s i n t r u e t u n e w i t h t h e d a n c i n g h e i s d o i n g h e w i l l be s h a r ­ ing and c o m m u n i c a t i n g the h a p p i n e s s a nd f r e e ­ d o m he h a s f ou nd a n d f e e l s in m o v i n g , b r e a t h ­ ing, being-living.

Keith

G a y C o u n s e l i n g S e r v i c e , c / o U F M 615 F a i r c h i l d T e r r a c e , M a n h a t t a n , KA 5 3 9- 2311 w i s h e s t o a n n o u n c e t h e y a r e t h r i v i n g in K a n s a s . . . . T h e N a t i o n a l C o a l i t i o n of G a y A c t i v i s t s p l a n s to o r g a n i z e a gay r e c e p t i o n f o r a i l d e l e g a t e s to t he N a t i o n a l D e m o c r a t i c and R ep u b lican P a r t y co n v en tio n s. M ilitant d e m o n s t r a t i o n s w i l l be s e r v e d . . . . G l a d D a y B o o k s , 139 S e a t o n St , T o r o n t o o f f e r s a n i m ­ p r e s s i v e l i s t i n g o f g a y l i t e r a t u r e f o r 25<. . . .

Rural C om m unities C onference for m e m b e r s of f u l l - t i m e livi ng g r o u p s in r u r a l s e t t i n g s .

T o be h e l d a t A n a n d a C o o p e r a t i v e V i l l a g e in N o r t h e r n C a l i f o r n i a , A u g u s t 12- 1 5 , 1976.

T h r e e d a y s of d i s c u s s i o n s , p r e s e n t a t i o n s a n d b e i n g t o g e t h e r . S p o n s o r e d by A l p h a F a r m , Ananda and C o m m u n i t ie s M a g a zin e.

F o r a p p l i c a t i o n s w r i t e t o A l p h a F a r m , Bo x 465, M ap elto n , OR 97453. July 1 d e a d l i n e . . .

WI N M a g a z i n e - M o v e m e n t w e e k l y - n e w s , a r tic le s , review s about nonviolence, f e m i ­ nism , organizing, cooperatives, socialism , a n a r c h y , p eace a c t i o n s , c o u n try living, gay life sty les and gay lib e r a tio n . $ l l / y e a r . $ 6 / s i x m o n t h s . S a m p l e s f r e e . W I N , 503 A t l a n t i c A v e . , 5 t h F l o o r , B r o o k l y n , NY 11217.

OLD SCHOOL HOUSE 603-827-3388 HARRISVILLE, NEW HAMPSHIRE 03450 a cra fts c o l l e c t i v e for g a y men & women w a n ts pottery a p p r e n tic e s (no e x p e r ie n c e n e c e ss a r y ) and other crafts p eop le C OM E AND BE WITH US — NAMASTE 32

SCARLET’S RIBBON J o e : I b e t it s d i f f e r e n t f r o m w h a t a l o t o f p e o p l e t h i n k i t i s , b e c a u s e i n t h e s u m m e r t i m e y o u had to p i c k t h e v e g e t a b l e s a n d t a k e c a r e of t h e g a r d e n . We s o l d v e g e t a b l e s to t h e a r e a p e o p l e .

We w e n t s w i m m i n g i n t h e a f t e r n o o n , e v e r y d a y w e w e n t s w i m m i n g . H i k e d u p t h e c r e e k w i t h a b o u t f o u r o t h e r k i d s . . . w e a l w a y s h a d o u r f a v o r i t e s w i m m i n g h o l e p i c k e d o u t f o r t h a t y e a r . It v a r i e d , i t s h i f t e d , s o m e t i m e s t h e f l o o d i n g w o u l d f i l l u p t h e ol d o n e a n d w e w o u l d f i n d a n e w o n e .

So a s t h e w a t e r g o t w a r m e n o u g h t o s w i m , e v e r y b o d y w a s o u t p i c k i n g w h i c h o n e w a s t h e b e s t f o r t h a t s u m m e r . O n e y e a r i t w a s u n d e r t h e b r i d g e . The b r i d g e t h a t g o e s u p t o d a i s y - m i n e a p p r o a c h ­ i ng f r o m t h e b r i d g e . A n d t h e y h a d o n e o n c e a t t h e c u r v e w h i c h w a s c a l l e d t e n - f o o t h o l e . I g u e s s it w a s s u p p o s e d l y t e n f e e t d e e p , b u t i t w a s n ' t r e a l l y . It h a d a l o t o f j a g g e d r o c k s b e s i d e it a n d o n t h e o t h e r s i d e i t w a s j u s t b e a c h a n d b o u l d e r s . A s f a r d o w n t h e c r e e k a s w e e v e r w e n t w a s r o c k h o l e , a n d we v e r y s e l d o m e v e r w e n t t h e r e a s it w a s t he b i g g e s t , w e l l - k n o w n h ol e t h a t e v e r y b o d y w e n t to.

T h e r e w a s a l o t of c a r o u s i n g , b e e r d r i n k i n g a n d I g e n e r a l l y s t a y e d a w a y f r o m t h a t w h o l e c r o w d . I w a s t o o s h y , I c o u l d n ' t e n d u r e i t. I f e l t l i k e a w a l l - f l o w e r a r o u n d those people.

W h o d i d I h a n g a r o u n d w i t h ? W e l l , t h e r e w a s a l o g g e r f a m i l y , a n d he w a s a bi g o l ' l o g ­ g e r w h o l i k e d t o g e t d r u n k a f t e r w o r k a n d b e a t h i s k i d s . I h u n g a r o u n d wd t h h i s f o u r k i d s .

The y o u n g e s t w a s a g i r l , t h e n t h e r e w a s a boy m y a ge a nd a boy a y e a r o l d e r a nd a boy a b o u t t h r e e y e a r s o l d e r . We u s e d t o g o s w i m m i n g a l l t h e t i m e ; h i k i n g a n d f i s h i n g . I w a s n ' t m u c h i n t o h u n ­ ting a n d f i s h i n g , b ut o n e s u m m e r , u h , a s p r i n g o r s u m m e r d a y , I ' m n o t s u r e w h i c h , b ut w e w a l k e d up to T o m m y ' s c r e e k a n d c a u g h t 4 o r 5 l i t t l e f i s h a n d s o m e b o d y g o t a g r o u s e , so we b u i l t a c a m p f i r e . We hu ng t h e f i s h a n d t h e g r o u s e on a s t i c k a n d r o a s t e d t h e m o v e r t h e f i r e and had o u r li t t le p i c n i c out in the w i l d s . . . f a n t a s t i c . . . ! I c a n s t i ll r e m e m b e r t h a t one li t t le i n c i d e n t ; and c o m i n g b a c k I found a r e a l s t r a n g e w i l d f l o w e r t h e r e .

It g r e w in t h i s bi g o v a l b u s h a n d it w a s c o v e r e d w i t h t h i s t y p e o f s n a p d r a g o n f l o w e r w h i c h s m e l l e d l i k e o r a n g e b l o s s o m s , ohhh, they w e r e re a l ly ju st heavy sm e llin g .

He avy like uh, one of the boys c a l l e d t h e m s o m e ­ th ing t ha t w a s s e x i s t o r s e x u a l . . . t h e r e m a r k a b o u t the s m e l l of the f l o w e r s .

G e o rg e: What did they say then?

Joe:

Well, I do n 't know, they called t h e m twat f lo w e rs o r so m e th in g ,

George:

I h a t ' s v e r y n i c e . . . t h a t ' s s o r t of w o n d e r f u l .

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you know.

The Holy M o t h e r ' s tw a t i n d ee d !

Jo e: B r i l l i a n t o r a n g e , kind of jew el like.

G e o r g e : T h e r e w a s t h is one f l o w e r we found the o t h e r d a y , it s m e l l e d l ik e the e s s e n c e of a s s ­ h o l e . ( g i g g l e , g i g g l e ) It w a s j u s t s o o o b e a u t i f u l , ( g i g g l e g i g g l e ) Joe: Y e s t e r d a y I went o v e r to see David, Bobby and T o m , and we got to talking about m o r r e l s .

We w a l k e d o u t in t h e y a r d t o t h a t l i t t l e d i t c h w h e r e t h e y p a r k by t h e h o u s e . 1 t h i n k it w a s T o m who found two, j u s t g r o w i n g t h e r e in f r o n t of t h e i r h o u s e a n d the d a y b e f o r e th ey had b e en all o v e r t h e m o u n t a i n l o o k i n g f o r m o r r e l s a n d h a d n ' t s e e n a n y a t a l l . O n e of t h e i r f r i e n d s i n P o r t ­ l a n d h a d w r i t t e n a n d a s k e d t h e m if t h e y h a d s e e n a n y m o r r e l s , a n d n o w t h e y c a n w r i t e t h e m a n d s a y t h a t t h e y f o u n d o n e j u s t 15 f e e t o f f t h e f r o n t o f t h e i r p o r c h , ( h a , ha) Yo u h a v e s e e n m o r r e l s h a v e n 't y o u ? Oh, t h e y ' r e p e n i s s h a p e d .

Yes, t h e y 'r e tall e r e c t and hollow.

T hey're buff-col­ ored.

T h e y t h e y c o m e up a n d t h e y h av e t h is sp o n g y lo oking p o r o u s h e ad on t h e m a nd i t ' s a l i t ­ t l e d a r k e r t h a n t h e s k i n of t he s h a f t of t he m u s h r o o m . I t h i n k i t ' s s y m b o l i c .

G e o rg e : M aybe t h e y 'r e f a i r y ' s c o ck s o r s o m e th in g like that.

Jo e : Oh t hey a r e p r e c i o u s , t h e y c o m e in a l l s i z e s . Did you e v e r s e e a f a i r y r i n g ? I r e a d a b o u t t h e m a n d t h e y s o u n d r e a l l y f a s c i n a t i n g . I t h i n k I s a w o ne o n c e i n a f i e l d . . . it w a s a l ong t i m e ago. . . it w a s s o m e b o d y e l s e ' s field.

It w a s n ' t o u r s a n d I t h i n k I saw' o n e . . . I e i t h e r s a w o n e , . . I r e a d a l o t a b o u t t h e m . I d o n ' t k n o w w h i c h i t w a s . It w a s j u s t a p i c t u r e o f o n e . Al l t h e s e v a r y i n g s i z e s of m u s h r o o m s c l u m p e d t o g e t h e r . S o r t of a c i r c l e , and s o m e s c a t t e r e d o u t ­ s i d e it a n d s o m e d r i f t i n g of f t h r o u g h t he c i r c l e a n d g r a s s .

G e o r g e : Di d y o u p o i n t t h a t o u t t o o t h e r p e o p l e w h e n y o u w e r e g r o w i n g u p ?

Joe: F a i r y r i n g s ?

G e o r g e : No , t h a t t h e m o r r e l s l o o k e d l i k e p e n i s e s .

J o e : No , I n e v e r r e a l i z e d w h a t t h e y l o o k e d l i k e u n t i l r e c e n t l y . I t n e v e r o c c u r e d t o m e . I w a s n ' t o b s e s s e d by t h a t I g u e s s .

G e o r g e : I m e a n r e a l l y ! ! ( h a, ha) W h a t ' s t h a t ? ? O b s e s s e d ?

To n o t ic e the o b v i o u s ?

J o e : H a , h a , I m e a n I w a s s l o w to d e v e l o p i n t h a t a r e a .

G e o r g e : Re al l y, o n e c a n g l o s s it o v e r s o m e t i m e s .

I ' v e b e e n a n u n t o o . ( h a , ha) J o e : I w a s a n a c c i d e n t a l n u n . I w a s n ' t r e a l l y s u p p o s e d t o be t h a t w a y . I w a s u n d e r - e x p o s e d and s h e l t e r e d , b e c a u s e I d i d n 't r e a l l y know w h a t the feeling I had w a s fo r m y c l a s s m a t e s at c e r t a i n t i m e s . I c a n r e m e m b e r , oh g e e , e v e n in the fifth g r a d e I u s e d to gi ve t h i s one kid piggy back r i d e s on m y s h o u l d e r s .

G e o r g e : oo o hh h, u h huh.

J o e : It w a s f a n t a s t i c , i t w a s s o r t o f e x h i l e r a t i n g . He w a s h e a v y , a n d I m e a n I w a s b i g f o r m y a g e , s o I w a s t a l l a n d b i g , b u t he w a s l i k e a t h i r d o r f o u r t h g r a d e r , a n d h e w a s l a r g e f o r h i s s i z e , b u t I a l w a y s g a v e him. a r i d e . A n y w a y , t h e r e w a s s o m e s t r a n g e t h i n g a b o u t h i m t h a t a t t r a c t e d m e a n y w a y . I c a n s t i l l r e m e m b e r R o g e r . V e r y fond s o r t s of w a y s . 1 know his m o t ­ h e r, she c o m e s into the s t o r e .

G e o r g e : Oh y e a h , r e a l l y ?

J o e : Y e a h , a n d he i s m a r r i e d a n d w o r k i n g .

G eorge: Around h e re ?

J o e : N o , h e h a s a v e r y g o o d j o b a n d he i s o v e r i n I d a h o .

George: H um m m ?

Joe: T h en I r e m e m b e r two b r o t h e r s .

I w a s t r y i n g t o t h i n k of t h e i r n a m e s t h e o t h e r n i g h t -----one of t h e m . I t h in k t h e i r l a s t n a m e w a s M a l o n e .

T h o s e t wo b o y s , t h e y ha d b l ond h a i r a n d t h e y w e r e r e a l l y good loo k in g a n d I j u s t , I st i l l ha v e t h is p i c t u r e of t h e m , s o m e t h i n g j u s t d r e w m e to them .

G e o r g e : W h e n w a s the f i r s t t i m e you e v e r had s e x w i t h a m a n ?

Jo e: Oh, a b o u t five y e a r s ag o.

G e o r g e : Oh y e a h ?

Joe : Y e ah , a long t i m e ag o. I n e v e r e v e n th o u g h t a b o u t s e x f o r a long t i m e , I w a s j u s t a t t r a c ­ t e d by s o m e s t r a n g e w a y , i n f a c t I r e m e m b e r a n o t h e r i n c i d e n t . We w e r e in f r o n t of J C P e n n y s Co, one d a y and w h a t I did w a s s t a r t to go in a nd t h is guy m y a g e o r a l itt le o l d e r p e r h a p s , w a s c o m i n g out a nd o u r e y e s m e t a nd we j u s t s to od t h e r e f o r a n i n s t a n t , and t h e n I kind of r e g a i n e d m y s e n s e s a nd lo o k ed a w a y o r k e p t going a nd t h e n I t u r n e d a r o u n d a nd l o o k e d a nd he w a s l o o k ­ i n g a t m e a g a i n . It w a s j u s t O o o h h h , i t w a s s o m e t h i n g t h a t w i l l n e v e r be e r a s e d f r o m m y mind.

Th at w i e r d , t h a t s o r t of i n t e n s e m a g n e t i s m .

Yo u k n o w , i t ' s j u s t r i v e t i n g . F o r a l o n g t i m e I c o u l d c o n j u r e u p a m e n t a l p i c t u r e of h i m . I d o n ' t r e m e m b e r h i m n o w , e x c e p t t h a t he w a s s trik in g and t h e r e w as so m e th in g about his f e a t u r e s that ju st w a s n 't o r d i n a r y that m a d e m e really re m e m b e r.

G e o rg e: What w as that?

J o e : I d o n ' t r e m e m b e r . . . j u s t k i n d o f m a y b e b o y i s h , c u t i s h , d a r k , s e e m s l i k e he h a d d a r k hair.

G e o r g e : U h h u h , t h a t l u s t f u l y e a r n i n g l o o k i n y o u r e y e s w h e n you s a y t h a t . Ha ha ha ha ha .

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J e : O h y e s , y o u k n o w it i s s o m e t h i n g t o j u s t g o b a c k a n d v i s i t a f e w d a y s o u t o f e a c h y e a r i n r: . l i f e . S o m e o f m y a c q u a i n t a n c e s . Wow ! .Ah h a h a h a . T h e n t h e r e w a s a b o y i n t h e 8 t h g r a d e , t h e ki d t h a t w a s t h r e e y e a r s o l d e r t h a n e v e r y o n e e l s e i n t h e i l a s s b e c a u s e h e f a i l e d a n d u h , t a l l a n d v e r y m u s c l e d a n d m u c h m o r e d e v e l o p e d t h a n t h e r e s t of u s 8 t h g r a d e r s .

G e o r g e : U h h h huh.

Joe: Blond c u rly ha ir, a l m o s t boney face that w as just too beautiful. 1 can just r e m e m b e r h im st a n d in g in the s h o w e r loo k in g like M i c h e l a n g e l o ' s Dav id o r s o m e t h i n g . I had t h i s b e a u t i fu l p i c t u r e o f h i m i n m y m i n d f o r y e a r s . A n d t h a t ' s a l l 1 t h o u g h t of w a s h i m , I n e v e r . . . I j u s t w a n t e d t o t o u c h h i m . It w a s n ' t r e a l l y . . . I d i d n ' t w a n t t o d o a n y t h i n g d i r e c t l y s e x u a l b e c a u s e I g u e s s I w a s n ' t a w a r e of w h a t c o u l d be d o n e a t t h a t p o i n t w h e n I w a s e n j o y i n g h i m j u s t t h e , y o u k n o w , w a y b a c k , i n t h e b a c k of y o u r m i n d , d a y d r e a m i n g o r s o m e t h i n g of s o m e b o d y l i k e t h a t . . . o h , t h a t b e a u t i f u l b o d y , . . w h e w ' ! A n d t h e n I, 1 d o n ' t k n o w , I r e m e m b e r a f t e r , l e t ' s s e e , a f t e r a y e a r a t t h e c o m m u n i t y c o l l e g e g e t t i n g a j o b a n d g e t t i n g m a r r i e d , A l o t of t h a t s e e m e d t o go w a y b a c k f a r t h e r i n m y m i n d a n d 1 n e v e r , I w a s n ' t a w a r e t h a t -----o f w h a t g a y w a s , o r w h a t y o u cou ld do w i t h a n o t h e r guy. I had t h is s t r a n g e a t t r a c t i o n to c e r t a i n p e o p l e , a v e r y few, I w a s n ' t s u r e w h a t it w a s .

It w a s n ' t u n t i l , o h p r o b a b l y s e v e n o r e i g h t y e a r s a f t e r I h a d b e e n m a r r i e d t h a t I r e a d a n y t h i n g a b o u t t h e g a y l i f e o r u n d e r s t o o d it a t a l l a n d t h e n e v e n t u a l l y I m e t tlie* f i r s t ki d t h a t i n t r o d u c e d m e t o i t a t t h e l i b r a r y .

G e o rg e : God b le s s us for the county l i b r a r y . . . the county l i b r a r y . . . we a r e going to have to d e l e t e t h a t f r o m t h e a r t i c l e . . . i t m i g h t be d a n g e r o u s y o u k n o w ? W h e e w w ! ! T o o d a n g e r o u s , t oo hot . . . ( l o t s o f l a u g h t e r ) J o e : O h h h , h e j u s t blew' m e a w a y . . . 1 w a s i n t h e r e t a k i n g a p e e a n d I w a s w a s h i n g m y h a n d s o r s o m e t h i n g a n d I l o o k e d o v e r a t h i m a n d he w a s s t a n d i n g t h e r e j u s t w h u m m m p h h h a a , w o w , h i s f ul l m a n h o o d s h o w i n g .

G eorge: Yes, y es!!

Jo e : I j u s t k i n d s g l a n c e d o v e r a n d he s a w m e loo kin g a t h i m a nd I s a i d " w o w , t h a t ' s n i c e , " a n d it j u s t a b o u t blew' m e a w a y s a y i n g i t . I w a s s o n e r v o u s a b o u t t h e w h o l e s c e n e , h e t u r n e d r i g h t a r o u n d t o w a r d m e a n d I j u s t k i n d o f s m i l e d a t h i m a n d he s a i d , " t o u c h i t . " It w a s k i n d of e l e c t r i c b e c a u s e I w a s s o f r i g h t e n e d a b o u t w h a t I w a s d o i n g - - t h a t I w a s h i g h l y c h a r g e d , a n d he s a i d , " k i s s i t , " a n d t h a t ' s w h a t I d i d - - I t o o k i t i n m y m o u t h . . . I knew* r i g h t t h e n t h a t I h a d b e e n m i s s i n g o u t o n s o m e t h i n g . He s a y s , " h e y , t h i s p l a c e i s n ' t v e r y s a f e s o l e t ' s go s o m e ­ w h e r e e l s e , ( h a , ha ) G e o r g e : Y e a h , t h e r h a p s o d y of c o c k s u c k e r s in d a n g e r . . .

J o e : He s u g g e s t e d a n o t h e r s p o t o n t h e o t h e r e n d o f t o w n , s o w e w e n t t h e r e .

Joe talk s about m e e tin g and sle ep in g t o g e t h e r all night for the f i r s t tim e w ith a m a n .

J o e : So I t h i n k t h a t m a y b e l a s t n i g h t I k i n d o f s a l v a g e d m y s e l f w i t h J o h n , i n m y o p i n i o n .

G e o r g e : You k n o w t h a t ' s w h a t w e a l l g o t h r o u g h ? H u h ?

Jo e : Y e ah , do y o u ? D o e s e v e r y b o d y ?

G eorge: Sure.

J o e : W o w ! I k n o w I m a d e a t o t a l a s s o u t of m y s e l f .

G e o r g e : Oh, I kno w e x a c t l y h o w - - o h god!

Joe : I w a s s o r t of g r o v e l i n g in the s t r e e t , r u b b i n g J o h n ' s k n e e s w i t h m y le g a n d p l a y i n g w i t h h i s f e e t , b ut h e w a s p a r t i c i p a t i n g !

G e o r g e : Of c o u r s e !

J o e : I ' d j u s t s m i l e a t h i m a n d ( sw o o n ) o h h h . . . it w a s t o o m u c h . I w a s j u s t s o h i g h t h e l a s t w e ek f r o m that whole evening that I ju st wow. . . nothing m a d e m e m ad. I w as so bubbly w ith c u s t o m e r s and all the n a s t y old h a g s , t h e y got a r a r e t r e a t t h a t day . Oh j e e s , s h o o t a nd you k n o w , a s s o o n a s I m e t h i m , t h e n u m b e r t r i p k i n d of w e n t a w a y a n d I l e t , I w a s n ' t i n t e r e s t e d in o t h e r p e o p l e a n d s e x o r . . .

G e o r g e : W e l l , t h a t ' l l c h a n g e too.

Joe: Y eah, th at will a s soon a s I r e a l i z e th at h e ' s j u s t a good f r i e n d and not a p o t e n t i a l m a t e .

G e o r g e : Yo u k n o w s o m e t i m e s t h a t d o e s h a p p e n . Yo u m e e t s o m e o n e a n d y o u b o t h f a l l i n l o v e .

But you a l w a y s ne e d it to h a p p e n r i g h t a w a y e s p e c i a l l y w h e n y o u 'v e h a r d l y e v e r h e ld h a n d s w i t h a m a n a nd b e e n in bed t o g e t h e r !

J o e : O h , i t f e e l s s o n e a t . H o l d i n g h a n d s , i t ' s j u s t n e a t b e i n g i n b e d n e x t t o s o m e o n e e v e n if t h e y ' r e j u s t lay in g t h e r e a n d y o u ' r e j u s t t o u c h i n g , and you c a n l e a n a g a i n s t t h e m .

I'm really into th a t . 1 had a f r i e n d st a y o v e r n i g h t a few d a y s a g o , we m e s s e d a r o u n d a n d it w a s r e a l nice.

B i l l ' s r e a l l y i n t o m e , b u t he s a y s y o u ' r e t h e k i n d of p e r s o n I c o u l d r e a l l y f a l l i n l o v e with and I said well don't! B e c a u s e at that point I had a l r e a d y m e t J o h n .

I said h e r e I a m and y o u c a n h a v e m e b u t d o n ' t f a l l i n l o v e , I ' m n o t r e a d y f o r i t, I j u s t . . . I g u e s s I s h o u l d be a l ot m o r e m a t u r e in a l o t of t h i n g s . I d o n ' t k n ow .

G e o r g e : You c o u l d t r y it. It w o u l d n ' t d o y o u a n y h a r m .

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J o e : L i k e s o m e b o d y w a s t e l l i n g m e , w h e n you f a l l i n l o v e y o u ' l l k n o w it a n d t h e r e w o n ' t be a n y w a y to s to p it an d all that . . .

G e o r g e : O h , s o m e t i m e s i t w i l l be a t e r r i b l e d i s a s t e r a n d s o m e t i m e s it w i l l be g r e a t . S o m e ­ t i m e s it w i l l b e n i c e f o r a w h i l e , y o u j u s t d o it. T h e r e a r e no g u a r a n t e e s h o w i t ' s g o i n g t o t u r n out. Now and t h e n s o m e . . . I d o n ' t m e a n do a ll s o r t s of t h i n g s , you k n o w ? We n e e d p e o p le w h o m w e c a n be w i t h f o r a w e e k t o o s o m e t i m e s f o r t h r e e m o n t h s a n d s o m e t i m e s it g e t s i o n g e r .

J o e : I ' d l i k e f o r it to g e t l o n g e r w i t h m e . . .

G e o r g e : I kn ow , I k n o w , I w a n t e d t h a t too a n d I do now sti ll .

J o e : I m e a n t h e w a y I s e e m y s e l f n o w f o r m e i s t o be n a t u r a l .

I need som eone around m e in ­ s t e a d of b e i n g a l o n e c o n s t a n t l y .

B e c a u s e now t h a t I a m a r o u n d p e o p le I t a l k t h e i r h e a d s off a nd b e f o r e I n e v e r t a l k e d a l l t h a t m u c h . Al l o f a s u d d e n n o w I j u s t w a n t t o d o o u t r a g e o u s t h i n g s too. . . i t ' s c r a z y .

G e o r g e : W e l l , if y o u w a n t t o d o t h a t m a y b e y o u s h o u l d f a l l i n l o v e w i t h t h a t g u y w h o f e l l i n l o v e w i t h y ou a n d d o it f o r a t l e a s t f o r . . .

Joe: Oh h i m , I ' m not a t t r a c t e d to him.

G e o rg e : Oohhh.

J o e : I ' m n o t, a n d I t h i n k he i s m a r r i e d a n d h a s a s o n .

G e o r g e : Of c o u r s e , i t g e n e r a l l y w o r k s t h a t w a y t o o . B i l l ' s a t t r a c t e d t o y o u , b u t i t ' s n o t m u ­ tual.

T h e r e ' s p r o b a b l y s o m e s o r t of w a y in w h i c h J o h n i s not a t t r a c t e d to you.

J o e : 1 w o n d e r if he i s ?

G e o r g e : I d o n ' t know. T h e r e ' s s o m e r e s e r v a t i o n , m a y b e i t ' s a kind of w e l l, h e ' s a f r a i d . I f e e l l i k e J o h n i s a f r a i d , y o u k n o w ? 1 t h i n k h e i s m o r e a f r a i d t h a n y o u i n t h e r o l e he i s p l a y i n g And w h e n y ou a r e a f r a i d you k n o w you c a n c o m e up w i t h s o m e . . .

J o e : H a s h e r e a l l y t a l k e d a n d o r s a i d a n y t h i n g a b o u t i t ? I j u s t w o n d e r e d i f he k n o w s ?

G e o r g e : I d o n ' t k n o w , I t h i n k a l i t t l e b i t w e s e t o u r s e l v e s u p t o b e , t o be e i t h e r t h e n e e d e d o n e o r the needing one.

Y eah , and i t ' s ok to w a n t . S o m e t i m e s you d o n ' t a l w a y s g e t it, and s o m e ­ t i m e s you g e t it but i t ' s d i f f e r e n t t h a n w h a t yo u w a n t it to be.

Jo e : Y e a h , w h e n the n e w n e s s w e a r s off, h u h ?

G e o r g e : Yep, t h e n you j u s t do it a l o n e . J u s t t r u s t y o u r s e l f . I m e a n you m a d e s u c h an i m p o r ­ t a n t f i r s t s t e p , s e p a r a t i n g f r o m y o u r w i f e , b e c a u s e y o u b o t h w a n t e d it t o e n d .

J o e : W e l l , I w o u l d n ' t a d m i t to i t a t a l l . I j u s t c o u l d n ' t f a c e i t h a v i n g to s t a n d on m y o w n t wo f e e t a n d d o e v e r y t h i n g m y s e l f . I w a s t o t a l l y d e p e n d a n t . It w a s t o o c o n v e n i e n t t o l e a v e . A c o n v e n i e n c e h a v i n g a w o m a n do a l l t h e t h i n g s f o r you. M a i n t a i n i n g a f r o n t f o r you.

G e o r g e : Y eah , w h a t do you m e a n m a i n t a i n i n g a f r o n t ?

Joe: Like the c o m m u n i ty , a r e s p e c t a b i l it y , a n o r m like an a c c e p t a b le , typical a m e r i c a n type.

I c a n j u s t s e e m e b e i n g p e r f e c t l y o p e n a b o u t t h e k i n d of r e l a t i o n s h i p m y w i f e a n d I h a d in S u n n y V a l l e y . I ' d be p r a c t i c a l l y t a r r e d a n d f e a t h e r e d .

I had a f r i e n d who had a v e r y v i o l e n t h a p p e n i n g i n h i s l i f e . H e w o r k e d i n a m i l l i n G l e n d a l e . I t o l d y o u a b o u t h i m d i d n ' t I ? He w a s d o i n g s o m e ­ thing in the r e s t r o o m and s e v e r a l o th e r m e m b e r s , guys who w o r k e d t h e r e ju st, I don 't know, t h e y ha d it in f o r h i m , a n d b e a t t h e h e l l o u t of h i m in t he r e s t r o o m b e c a u s e t h e y k n e w he w a s g a y . A n d . . . I k n o w i t h a p p e n s , s o y o u k n o w , i t ' s e a s y t o be r e a l c o m f o r t a b l e i n y o u r s i t u a t i o n i f y o u ' r e n o t a r o u n d a w h o l e s e g m e n t o f t h e p o p u l a t i o n , b u t i f y o u a r e i n t h e m i d d l e of t h e u p ­ tig h t p a r t of the p o p u l a t i o n it m a k e s you a w ho l e d i f f e r e n t p e r s o n .

You a r e o n g u a r d , y o u a r e living behind a m a s k .

G e o r g e : I t h i n k t h a t ' s s o m e t h i n g t h a t a l l of u s f a g g o t s w h o l i v e i n t h e c o u n t r y e x p e r i e n c e , a n d uh, i t ' s . . .

J o e : I m e a n , I c o u l d be a w h o l e l o t d i f f e r e n t if I j u s t l i v e d i n t h e c o u n t r y b u t w h e n I l i v e i n t he c o u n t r y w h e r e I g r e w up a nd w o r k in the c it y you a r e D r . J e c k e l a nd M r . Hyde o r w o r s e t ha n that.

G e o r g e : And a l s o j u s t , you k now , j u s t not e x i s t i n g in a fa g g o t c o m m u n i t y a nd be ing a ll a lo n e e x c e p t f o r the t e a r o o m . F o r m e I had to g e t a w a y f r o m the s m a l l town I g r e w up in an d m o v e 3 0 0 0 m i l e s a w a y t o S a n F r a n c i s c o a n d t h e n m o v e b a c k t o t h e c o u n t r y . So t h e n I c o u l d s t a r t t o be g a y , c o u n t r y , a n d f r e e . W e l l , I f e l t l i k e I r e a l l y b l o s s o m e d t h i s y e a r . I f e l t l i k e I r e a l l y b l o s s o m e d t o b e i n g a b l e t o e x i s t a s m e i n W o l f C r e e k a n d l i k e , t o be a b l e t o w e a r a s k i r t t o t he P o s t O ff ic e , you k n o w ? And i n to the g e n e r a l s t o r e , ( l a u g h t e r ) J o e : Yo u g o t t o g e t i t s o y o u c a n w e a r n o t h i n g t o t h e s t o r e . . .

G e o r g e : W e l l r e a l l y . . . l o o k , I m e a n y ou k n o w , I s o r t of a i m it a l i t t l e t o w a r d s t h e ol d l a d y crow d. I m e a n I like th e m you know?

J o e : Yo u j u s t l i k e t o s h o c k t h e m ! !

G e o r g e : N o , no no . . . i t ' s j u s t t h a t I d o n ' t w a n t t o s h o c k t h e m t e r r i b l y m u c h .

T h a t 's why I stick to d r e s s e s .

J o e : You s h o u l d s h o c k t h e m b e c a u s e t h i s i s s u c h a V i c t o r i a n c r o w d a r o u n d h e r e .

G e o rg e: My god, I w as at this r u m m a g e sa le at the uh, Legion A u x ilia r y hall in G r a n t s P a s s .

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Joe: P r e c i o u s !

G e o r g e : Y e s , a r u m m a g e s a l e s p o n s o r e d by t h e o l d w o m e n o f t h e H u m a n e S o c i e t y a n d t h e y , I w a s l o o k i n g t h r o u g h t h e i r c l o t h e s a n d t h e r e w a s t h i s l i t t l e s i l k e n . . . w e l l , I d o n ' t k nowâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; I d e c i d e d I d i d n ' t l i k e i t. It c o u l d h a v e b e e n i n t e r e s t i n g . It w a s s o r t o f f i l m y b l a c k l a c e a n d y o u k n o w , I fe lt a litt le s e l f - c o n s c i o u s , of c o u r s e . 1 m e a n one d o e s not d o th at in un k n o w n p l a c e s .

Joe: Being o b s e r v e d ?

G e o r g e : Y e s , a n d t h e n t h i s o l d w o m a n l o o k e d u p a t m e a n d s a y s , " m i g h t t h a t be f o r y o u r s e l f ? " and I said, w e l l , i t m i g h t b e . " A n d s h e s a y s , " O h , a r e y o u a n i m i t a t o r ? " I s a w Al l i n t h e f a m i l y l a s t n i g h t ( l a u g h t e r ) a n d t h i s w o m a n j u s t g o e s , " T h e y c a l l e d h i m a n i m i t a t o r , a r e you a n i m i t a t o r ? I w o u l d n ' t c a l l you a n i m i t a t o r if you w e r e w e a r i n g p a n t s . " ( l a u g h t e r ) Joe : But I do l ik e to w e a r d r e s s e s .

G e o r g e : At o n e p o i n t a n o t h e r w o m a n c o m e s b y a n d s h e s a y s , " Y o u d o h a v e a n i c e v o i c e . (lots o f l a u g h t e r ) I f e l t , b o y i f t h a t a i n ' t s o c i a l a p p r o v a l I d o n ' t k n o w w h a t it i s . H a , h a , h a , h a , h a .

J o e : G e o r g e , y o u ' r e f a n t a s t i c ! ! O h h h , g o i n g t o G r a n t s P a s s f o r y o u r n a t u r a l hi gh. . . ha ha. . . the l a d ie s ' a u x ilia ry ! !

G e o r g e : Y e s , ge t the w i s d o m of the a n c i e n t s .

J o e : M a d a m e H i l d a wa l l t e l l y o u r f u t u r e .

G e o r g e : Y e s i n d e e d , t h e y a r e a l l w i t c h e s , a l l of t h e m .

Runni ng t h o s e r u m m a g e s a l e s . All those w o m e n 's a u x i l a r i e s a r e w itch c h r c l e s . W h e r e they a r e trad in g m a g ic g a r m e n t s and v e s ­ sels.

Jo e : T h i s one wil l c a s t a sp e l l on you hon ey .

G e o r g e : R e a l l y , it wil l m a k e you s o m e o n e you ha v e n e v e r b e e n b e f o r e . . .

Jo e : Why I w o r e t h i s to the P a t t y ' s Da y s t a t e b a l l , and w h e w !

G e o r g e : W e l l , I k n o w t o be a b l e t o d o t h a t i n a s m a l l t o w n l i k e t h i s w h e r e I g r e w u p i n , w e l l , I c o u l d n ' t do it t h e r e . I had to m o v e 3000 m i l e s a w a y into s o m e o n e else's s m a l l town.

J o e : W e l l , y o u k n o w y e s t e r d a y w h e n I w a s r i d i n g w i t h J o h n , w e d e c i d e d t o r i d e u p a n d s e e if D a v e w a s h o m e a n d he w a s n ' t t h e r e . W h e n w e w e r e c o m i n g b a c k w e d e c i d e d t o p i c k s o m e w i l d f l o w e r s b e c a u s e J o h n h a d s e e n t h e m a l l t h e w a y u p a n d he a n d I r e a l l y l i k e d t h e m .

They w ere those beautiful red bells that a r e blooming now c alled F r i d u l a r i a s . It's a lilly and I ju st call th e m red belles. O th e r people have o t h e r n a m e s for them. I don't know' what the re aln a m e f o r t h e m is. Oh, t h e y ' r e b ea u t i fu l .

T h e y a r e b l o o m i n g now you k n o w , w e p i c k e d a b u n c h of t h o s e a n d i n t h e s a m e s p o t w a s j u s t t h i s g l a d e of d w a r f e d s t u n t e d l i t t l e o a k t r e e s r i g h t a l o n g on t hi s r o c k y a r e a n e a r the c r e e k w h e r e it w a s hig h an d d r y and t he y got v e r y li t t le w a t e r , the oak t r e e s w e re n a rro w , twisted and sm a ll. . .

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FINANCIAL

REPORT

Well, Pansy, H e r e ' s t he d i s h , A f i n a n c i a l s t a t e m e n t , c u z y o u g o t t a h a v e o n e . ( And I m u s t s a y o n l y t h e m o s t p r e s s i n g n e e d c o u l d d r i v e m e t o d o a l l t h e n u m b e r g a m e s n e c e s s a r y . ) W e h o p e if y o u know R F D ' s f i n a n c i a l s h a p e , you will s e r i o u s l y c o m e to o u r aid.

We w i l l s t o p p u b l i s h i n g w i t h t h i s i s s u e if w e d o n ' t g e t s o m e d o l l a r s a n d c e n t s h e l p .

T h e m a g a z i n e h a s s u r v i v e d b e c a u s e a f r i e n d l ias s h a r e d h i s i n h e r i t e d p r o f i t f r o m t h e e x ­ p l o i t a t i o n of I r i s h a n d P o r t u g e s e - A m e r i c a n s h o e f a c t o r y w o r k e r s . B y t h e t i m e t h i s i s s u e i s p r i n t e d a n d m a i l e d , $ 4 , 0 0 0 w i l l h a v e b e e n c o n t r i b u t e d t o R F D o v e r t h e p a s t t w o y e a r s . We c a n n o t i n g o o d c o n s c i e n c e a s k f o r a n o t h e r s h a r e of t h a t m o n e y . It m u s t be s p r e a d i n o t h e r directions.

We f a g g o t s a n d v i s i o n a r i e s , w h e t h e r p o l i t i c a l a n d / o r s p i r i t u a l , m u s t l e a r n t o s u p p o r t a n d n o u r i s h n o t o n l y e a c h o t h e r , but a l s o t h e i n s t i t u t i o n s , t he c u l t u r e , t he a r t , y e s , t h e m a g a z i n e s w e c r e a t e . N o t o n l y m u s t w e , b u t w e g o t t a . T h e f a l l i s s u e w i l l be a m i m e o g r a p h e d l e t t e r i f w e d o n ' t h a v e e n o u g h m o n e y t o p r i n t a n d m a i l a r e g u l a r i s s u e of R F D a t t h e b e g i n n i n g of l a y o u t , A u g u s t 1st .

It t a k e s $ 1 , 6 0 0 t o p u t o u t o n e i s s u e o f t h e m a g a z i n e . $ 1 , 0 5 0 f o r p r i n t i n g 2 , 0 0 0 c o p i e s of t h e m a g a z i n e .

50 f o r t h e e n v e l o p e s t o m a i l R F D .

2 5 0 to m a i l a n d s h i p t h e m a g a z i n e t o s u b s c r i b e r s a n d b o o k s t o r e s . W e h a v e j u s t b e e n g r a n t e d n o n - p r o f i t s t a t u s f o r m a i l i n g , so t h a t will h elp s o m e .

250 f o r s t a t i o n e r y , o f f i c e s u p p l i e s a n d v a r i o u s p r i n t i n g n e e d s . E n v e l o p e s , t y p e w r i t e r re nta l for layout, r u l e r s , r e p ro p a p e r , w ra p p in g p a p e r , a n d tape.

This could d e c r e a s e a s we f i n i s h r e o r g a n i z a t i o n , but i n f la t io n will p r o b a b l y p r e v e n t any reduction.

We h a v e 6 0 0 s u b s c r i b e r s .

1, 100 a r e d i s t r i b u t e d t h r o u g h b o o k s t o r e s . W e n e e d t o h a v e 9 0 0 s u b s c r i b e r s t o m a k e it.

On t h e a v e r a g e w e r e c e i v e $ 7 5 a w e e k i n t h e m a i l .

T h a t l e a v e s u s $550 in d e b t e a c h q u a r t e r . W e n e e d t o r e c e i v e $ 125 a w e e k i n s u b s c r i p t i o n s , b o o k s t o r e r e c e i p t s , a n d c o n t r i b u ­ tions.

T h a t m e a n s we m u s t r e c e i v e $50 m o r e a w e e k , o r the m a g a z i n e f o ld s. Will you he lp u s in o u r e f f o r t to a d d to g a y c o n s c i o u s n e s s f r o m a r u r a l p e r s p e c t i v e ?

We w h o p u t o u t R F D a r e q u i t e e x c i t e d a b o u t t h e m a g a z i n e a n d i t s p o t e n t i a l . W e a r e g r o w ­ ing, m a t u r i n g , and chan g in g .

R F D is o u r l if e l in e . Will you he lp us f i n a n c i a l l y so th a t we d o n ' t d i e in o u r a d o l e s c e n c e ?

If y o u d o n ' t s u b s c r i b e , d o .

The m a g a z i n e g e ts m o r e m o n e y i m m e d ia t e l y that way. Give a g i f t s u b s c r i p t i o n t o a f r i e n d . S e n d u s t h e c o s t o f a n i g h t a t t h e b a r s o r t h e b a t h s , t h e p r i c e of a l i d , t h e c o s t of a b o t t l e o f w i n e o r b e e r . I f y o u w o n ' t , t h e m a g a z i n e f o l d s .

38

RFD READER S U R V E Y --som e o b s e r v a t i o n s . ..

By w a y of e x p l a n a t i o n ; I a m n o t a s o c i o l o g i s t . I h a v e g u t r e a c t i o n s .

I began this c o m p i l a ­ t i o n by c o u n t i n g t h e n u m b e r o f r e s p o n d e n t s w h o l i v e i n c i t i e s a n d b e c a m e i n t e r e s t e d i n t h e p o r ­ t i o n o n s e x u a l i t y ( n a t u r a l l y ) a n d w e n t o n f r o m t h e r e . I w a s s t r u c k by s o m e of t h e a n s w e r s t o t he q u e s t i o n Ho w d o y o u f e e l a b o u t y o u r s e x l i f e ? O n e of t h e m , i n p a r t i c u l a r , r e a l l y g r a b b e d m e ; t h e p e r s o n w r o t e ’f r u s t r a t i n g . I r e a l l y w a n t t o l o v e s o m e o n e a n d n o t h a v e s e x a l l m y l i f e .

A f t e r t h a t o n e , I b e g a n to c a r e f u l l y r e a d m o r e and m o r e of the s u r v e y s .

H e r e a r e a f e w o t h e r a n s w e r s w h i c h I f o u n d p a r t i c u l a r l y s t r i k i n g ; " I t ' s w o n d e r f u l - - a n d (I a m ) g l a d I c h o s e h o m o s e x u a l i t y . ’’ (I l o v e d t h a t o n e ) . T h i s n e x t o n e r e a l l y g o t t o m e , "1 a m i n t r a n s i t i o n ; s o m e c o n f u s i o n , f r u s t r a t e d by o l d a t t i t u d e s , d e f e n s e s r e c u r r i n g a t t h e o d d e s t t i m e s . " I found t h is on e v e r y p o i g n a n t , The c lo s e t has been v e r y cold and I a m u su a lly frigid, t h e r e f o r e I n o l o n g e r t r y . " (I f e l t v e r y s a d w h e n I r e a d t h a t o n e , p a r t i c u l a r l y s o b e c a u s e t h e p e r s o n w h o w r o t e i t i s o n l y 30 y e a r s o l d . ) M a n y p e o p l e s a i d t h e y f e l t " O k a y " a b o u t t h e i r s e x l i f e ; o t h e r s i n d i c a t e d t h a t t h e y w e r e in t r a n s i t i o n , ge tt i n g into t h e m s e l v e s m o r e . S u r p r i s i n g l y , to m e , m o r e p e o p le s a i d th ey felt good a b o u t t h e m s e l v e s t h a n f e lt n e g a t i v e l y . N e e d l e s s to s a y , I f e lt good a b o u t that .

C l o s e t d o o r s a r e being flung open. M o r e and m o r e p eopl e a r e fe el in g good ab o u t t h e m s e l v e s .

Three cheers for queers!

H e r e a r e s o m e s t a t i s t i c a l r e s u l t s of t he R F D r e a d e r s u r v e y , SEXUALITY:

IDENTIFICATION

DRUGS AND ALCOH OL:

197--gay 25 - - b i s e x u a l 3 0 -----g r o w i n g 9 -----c o n f u s e d 2 -----a n d r o g y n o u s 1-----h e t e r o s e x u a l I -------------- t r a n s s e x u a l II -------------- n o r e s p o n s e

1 6 0 --u se alcohol 116-- d o n ot u s e a l c o h o l 190--use m arijuana 8 6 - -d o not u s e m a r i j u a n a 6 6 - -u se neither alcohol o r m a r iju a n a 125- - u s e both a l c o h o l a nd m a r i j u a n a RELIGIOUS BACKGROUND:

FEELINGS 161-- f e l t p o s i t i v e l y a b o u t t h e i r s e x l i v e s 115-- f e l t n e g a t i v e l y a b o u t t h e i r s e x lives

151- - p r o t e s t a n t 64- - catholic 32- - je w is h 3- -m ormon 4--agnostic o r atheist 2--jehovah witness 2 3 - -none

HOMES: 134--live 50--live 31--live 55--live 6--live

b a s e d on 276 r e s p o n s e s :

i n a bi g c i t y in a s m a ll city in a s m a ll town i n t he c o u n t r y in the w i l d e r n e s s

1 4 0 - - g o to b a r s 1 3 6 - - d o not m e d i a n a g e of r e s p o n d e n t s - - 25 ; w i t h a n a g e r a n g e of 17 - 6 8 , h e a v i e s t c o n c e n ­ t r a t i o n b e t w e e n 22 a n d 31. jerry

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LAY I NG

OUT

T h e f i r s t n o t i c e I h a d a b o u t t h e p r o d u c t i o n of R F D w a s w' hen G e o r g e c a m e d o w n t h e l a d d e r f r o m h i s s m a l l l of t a t G o l d e n a n d t o l d m e n o t t o b e n o i s y b e c a u s e t h e r e w e r e s i x m e n w o r k i n g o n a t a p e up i n t h e l o f t . A c o u p l e o f h o u r s l a t e r , o n e by o n e , t h e m e n c a m e d o w n t h e l a d d e r .

A salad was m a d e for lunch, and th e r e w as a s e r e n i t y about the c i r c l e that w as f o r m e d .

There 1111 a i r of s e r i o u s n e s s t h a t 1 h a d s c a r c e l y e v e r e n c o u n t e r e d b e f o r e a m o n g s t f a g g o t s . E v e r y ­ o n e w a s i n v o l v e d in h i s t h o u g h t s , w h i c h s e e m e d t o h a v e a s i n g l e f o c u s : g e t t i n g o u t t h e s u m m e r iSHtu- of RI- D. I he n e x t d a y w a s i m p o s s i b l y u n c o o r d i n a t e d , b u t e v e r y t h i n g s e e m e d t o f l o w It w a s t h e m o v i n g d a y f r o m G o l d e n t o t h e C r e e k P l a c e . F o u r g o a t s a r r i v e d f r o m E l w a , W a . ‘d u r ­ i ng tiie m i d d l e of t h e n i g h t , a n d b o x e s of t h i n g s w e r e m o v e d t o a f a r m w i t h m a n y n e e d s o f i t s o w n . In t h e m i d s t of t he f i r s t d a y a t t he C r e e k P l a c e a m i d s t t h e c h r i s t e n i n g a n d e x c i t e m e n t , w a s b o r n t h e s u m m e r e d i t i o n of R F D .

T h e C r e e k P l a c e h o u s e b e c a m e t h e f o c a l p o i n t of a c t i v i t y . F r o m d i s o r d e r c a m e o r d e r a s t he o l d c l o t h e s c l o s e t b e c a m e s h e l v e s f o r f i l e f o l d e r s a r r a n g e d i n a c c o r d a n c e of t h e i r f i n a l i t y .

T he n e x t m o r n i n g , a f t e r t h e g o a t s w e r e t r a n s f e r r e d t o t he b a r n y a r d a n d t h e c h i c k e n s w e r e l e t o u t a n d a few' b o x e s u n p a c k e d , t h e f o l d e r w i t h s u b m i t t e d m a t e r i a l w a s p r e s e n t e d f o r e v e r y o n e t o r e a d . On t h e t h i r d d a y , t h e r e w e r e p e o p l e g a t h e r e d i n s m a l l g r o u p s s i t t i n g o n q u i l t s b e h i n d t h e h o u s e . We w e r e p l a n n i n g h o w t h i n g s w e r e g o i n g t o b e . F i n a l l y , t h e r e w e r e s i x o r s e v e n of us sit ti n g t o g e t h e r going o v e r the s t o r i e s , a r t i c l e s and p o e t r y , e x p r e s s i n g o u r in d iv i d u a l f e e l i n g s how e a c h a r t i c l e o r p o e m to u c h e d u s. M a n y t i m e s we w e r e s p l i t and t h in g s w e r e t o s ­ sed a round for hours.

T h a t e v e n i n g it w a s d e c i d e d t h a t w e a l l s h o u l d g o i n t o t o w n , 25 m i l e s a w a y , t o s e e B e t t e D a v i s in Of H u m a n B o n d a g e . A n o c c u r r e n c e h a p p e n e d a f t e r t h e s h o w t h a t w a s a l i t t l e d i f f e r e n t .

S e v e n of u s h a d l i n e d t h e b o a r d w a l k t h a t h o t M a y n i g h t . T h e f i r s t t w o r o w s i n t h e t h e a t e r w e r e filled with c o u n try l e s b ia n s .

T h e y w e r e the l a s t to l e a v e .

T he y filed out p a s t u s , s o m e w h a t i n t i m i d a t e d , a s we s a u n t e r e d a b o u t t h e b o a r d w a l k l e a d i n g o u t of t h e t h e a t e r , t h e n t h e y f o r m e d r a n k s o n e i t h e r s i d e of t h e b o a r d w a l k a n d b e f o r e we r e a l i z e d w h a t w a s h a p p e n i n g t h e y s a i d : " c o m e o n , n o w i t ' s y o u r t u r n . " So w e h a d t o p a r a d e p a s t t h e m s i n g l e f i l e w i t h c h a g r i n a n d r e d faces. Our parade was m agnificent.

Landon, S a m u e l, and Sean f r o m the rid g e, G e o r g e f r o m the C r e e k land, L en and M ich ael f r o m C a l i f o r n i a , C a r l , J e r r y , E d , J i m a nd m a n y m o r e h e lp e d put this s u m m e r i s s u e of R F D t o g e t h e r . F r o m t i m e to t i m e s o m e o n e d r o p p e d in to i n s p i r e a n d h e l p k e e p o u r s p i r i t s h i g h , a n d ad d in g m o r e b a l l a s t to the m a g a z i n e .

B e i n g t o g e t h e r in a n e w f a r m a n d w o r k i n g i n t e n s e l y did ha ve its a f t e r e f f e c t s a t t i m e s . S uc h s t i r r i n g s a s the f a r m d o g s fi ghting e a c h o t h e r one day p u t u s a l l on e d g e a n d t h e n t he I BM t y p e w r i t e r a r r i v e d b r o k e n a n d we had to w a i t t h r e e m o r e d a y s f o r it t o be r e p a i r e d .

P e o p l e s l e p t in t h e i r b a g s i n t he y a r d , t he ha y h a r v e s t w a s p o s t ­ p o n e d , a n d t h e s u m m e r g a r d e n f a i l e d t o g e t p l a n t e d b e c a u s e t h e p r o d u c t i o n of R F D w a s f o r e ­ m o s t on o u r m i n d s .

T h e s e r i o u s r a t h e r i n t e n s e a t m o s p h e r e p r e v a i l e d i n t h e h o u s e m o s t of t h e time.

There was only one day which e v e ry o n e took a b r e a k and that day was spent sleeping.

F r e s h b r e a d w a s ba k ed a nd c o n s u m e d d a il y , but m e a l s took a b a c k s e a t to the p r o d u c t i o n w o r k . An o l d p i c n i c t a b l e w a s r e s c u e d f r o m t h e w e e d s a n d t u r n e d i n t o a l a y o u t t a b l e . S e a n t y p e d c e a s e l e s s l y a t t he I B M , w h i l e G e o r g e a n d S a m u e l w ' o r k e d a t e d i t i n g t h e t a p e s . L a n d o n a n d M i c h a e l p u t t he g r a p h i c s t o g e t h e r .

T h e r e w e r e a few difficult m o m e n t s , as t h e r e pro b ab ly a r e on a ny g r o u p e f f o r t , a nd a few s u r p r i s e s , s u c h a s a b i r t h d a y p a r t y f o r M i c h a e l one night.

G e o r g e m a d e a l a r g e s t r a w b e r r y s h o r t c a k e c o v e r e d w i t h c r e a m a n d c a n d l e s . It w a s l a i d o u t o n h i s f i n e s t l a c e t a b l e c l o t h u n d e r a k e r o s e n e l a m p a n d w e a l l e n j o y e d o u r s e l v e s . It w a s t h a t k i n d of e v e n i n g w h i c h h e l p e d m a k e t h i n g s g o a l ot s m o o t h e r t h a n t h e y m a y h a v e . E v e r y d a y w e a l l g a t h e r e d a r o u n d o n e t a b l e a n d d i s c u s s e d w' hat we w e r e d o i n g , w h a t e a c h o n e of o u r f e e l i n g s w e r e t o w a r d s w h a t w-e w e r e d o i n g a n d t o w a r d s o n e a n o t h e r . It w a s a r a t h e r w a r m , d r y M a y w h i c h h a d a t l e a s t s i x m e n c o n s t a n t l y w o r k i n g a w a y t o p u t o u t a m a g a z i n e f o r t h e u n i t y of c o u n ­ try faggots e v e r y w h e r e . . .

- -Len

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