RFD Issue 15 Spring 1978 by RFD Magazine Gay

GRAPHICS Candor & Jai would like to thank the following people for their help on production of this issue: Richard L Pastega, Ron Hickman, Greg Smith, Rick Johnson, Bill, and Greg Smoots.

RED is published L times a year by RFD, Box 98, Wolf Creek OR 97**97. Second class postage is paid at Wolf Creek OR 97^97. Copyright <§) RFD 1978. RFD is a non profit corporation. Donations tax deductable. Subscriptions: $6 a year 2nd class, $8 first class, $7 Canada and overseas, $10 institutions, $15 sustain ing, free to prisoners.

Candor Smoothstone OR 7, 11, 13, I**, 18, 19, 21, 23, 2k, 25, 29, 36, 37 David Myers CA k6 Norm Lent CA 27 Gerard Brender a Brandis ONT Canada 12, 32, 33 Kirk Bell OR 27 Vic Thompson ONT Canada U, 5 Demian MA 38, 39 Nick Nahaum CA 6 Mark Morris WV 23, 25, 50 Randy Rossi CA 26, 31, 56 Jai Elliott OR 16, 21, M*, ^7 Lavanda Rose CA 10, 11 ,back inside cover James OR 8 , 3^ Carl Cepurneek Australia 52 Allan Troxler OR 3 Arthur Portcheller (?) 2 , 3 Kim Brettingen MN U Patrick Dowers WA 51

R F D no. 1 5 / s p r i n g / s m a l l t o w n i s s u e 2

Letters - faggots everywhere

6 Questionairre 7

Collective Statement

Head - James

9 13 lU

Looking for Wolf Creek - Michael Fernandes 33

The Bath - Candor Smoothstone Small Towns Section 15 22 23

Small Town Items - faggots & friends, compiled by Jai Elliott

I Cannot Do It All - Larry Barr

Relationship Poetry untitled - Michael Cullen Kindness, Not Love - Richard Steinman Beholding - Frank Abbott Doors - Salvatore Farinella Walking This Abandoned Field - Steve Abbott Roadblocks This Winter - Will Ballard You Loneliness - Mark Morris

Abstract - James

Dr. Jeckel & Miss Hyde - David Mitchell

Cock Poetry My First Time - John Calabrese â&#x20AC;˘One Day It All Came Rushing Out - Frank Abbott Comfort In Mind - Frank Abbott

Why I Left - Candor Smoothstone Poetry Winter - Greg Smoots Farm Town Limbo / Sissy Lust - Kelvin Beliele

2 >4 Why I Stay and Like It - Richard Pastega 25

Poetry There Is Somethibg To Be Said For Making Love In Lincoln, Nebraska - Steve Abbott

Poetry You Can't Beat A Small Town - Steve Abbott Sparks - Chip Moore Hindsight & Homos - Kelvin Beliele

Finally, A Working Penis - John Calabrese The Anarchist - Will Ballard Cocks And Poetry - Cecil Behind Bars - Prisoner Section

Tom Robinson Band / Sing If You're Glad To Be Gay

Rage Pages

Blurbs

Poetry Greyhound Station / Pikeville - Randy Smallwood Turner County Breakdown - Frank Abbott

Kitchen Queen

Seeds

Defiance, A Montana Story - Bill Walker

Contact Letters

Poetry And Nowhere To Go - Frank Abbott

Exchange Ads

Ads

Information

30 Kinsmen, Letters From Trie Hinterland - James Boul_________ ware & Willy Swan____________________________ ___ 1

To the RFD Gang: I have Just received the Winter 1977 edition (No. lU) of RFD and I have decided not to re new ay subscription when it ex pires , even though I have been a subscriber now for the past three years. After going through this ed ition carefully from cover to cov er , I have come to the inescap able conclusion that what you fellows need at Wolf Creek is not a printing press or money but a psychiatrist-in-residence more than anything else. I am 100$ for the back-to-earth movement, for the resurgence of a pioneer spirit, but from the pictures and remarks in this issue and previous issues, you fellows are a bunch of lazy louts not deserving of help — Just a bunch of escapists not willing to work and satisfied Just to eke out an existence and do as little work as possible.

in oppression, it seems to me that it is entirely viable for you to print accounts of your struggles with your growing awareness. If any of your readers have better ways of expressing what must be expressed, let them make con structive criticism, write arti cles and send them to you, or Join your collective end teach you. I do not agree with Kelly Lindner at all, even though I see your staff notes as being (usu ally) neurotic. view is: great! it’s being experienced, it will be sorted out, and since it’s in print, it will turn on ot hers to the process. This is cer tainly worlds better than the nor mal ignorance of problems in human relations. And I feel that more articles on spirituality would be valuable. Developing one's own spirituality is an is sue of extreme importance in the process of becoming a whole per son. Spirituality, as the expres sion of the psyche, must be devel oped in order to evolve humanly. To call this "solipsistic witch craft rituals" is simply not see ing the content of these exper iences. While it might be poss

I shall not sign this letter because I do not want my name printed in your magazine, but be lieve me that the above remarks constitute an honest indictment of your present way of life and your silly activities, and I couldn't be more serious or sober in making this assessment. Sit down and talk things over, and get yourselves psychia tric help before it is too late. Even though I am gay and have been all of my life, I am loathe to call you "brothers". I choose my friends carefully, and I couldn't possibly include you fellows in that circle. Sincerely yours, A Proud Gay Sane Man San Francisco CA

Dear People: I felt that the letter from Kelly Lindner, printed as it was in the letters section of issue 013, wa3 out of place. I don't see why you feel you should print letters that only confuse the issues. As I see it, the RFD Coll ective is working on the emergence of a new and greater level of self-awareness and political awareness for gays in particular and, really, for all humanistic people. You are now struggling with the beginnings of that awareness and with the ways of articulating it. Since RFD is a media tool for reaching gays whose awareness is still submerged

ible for a better writer to show more clearly the experiences of emotional growth, awareness, and energy increase, it is you who are going through the experiences and doing the work of the publica tion, and the result, as media that is going out and reaching others, is great. I feel that we must not min imize the enormous importance of this work. The humanistic revo lution we want to build depends on the advancement of this pro cess of expanding human conscious ness and improving human relation, and on the participation of more and more people in its explora tion. Our efforts to stimulate 2

the process are still very prim itive. We have only Just begun to articulate our experiences. We are coming out of a situation of low consciousness, out of a very small constellation of rela tions. We have had no community, no tribe. Our only feelings of tribal connection have been through the family and through the abstract modern idolatries, feelings of connection that have not led us to worldly spiritual knowledge and free responsiveness to life, connections that have left us with small pieces of frag mented self-experience mixed in with a lot of mystification. All of western society is in this state. No one has clear methods for communication consciousnessraising experience. Your work in this area is extremely valuable. Many gays are living now under the normal set of values, by which the kind of breakthroughs described in your peyote article in 012 are considered to be breakdowns. Breakdowns are thought to be very unfortunate occurrences, and are generally seen more with shame than symp athy. Add onto that shame the guilt over being deviant, and you have a very isolating experience for the gay person who feels a bit "crazy", an experience that in itself could drive someone crazy. And often the only place to turn is to a conventional ther apist. If a gay person in that situation could see your articles, he or she might be encouraged to be stronger, to look inside, and to seek peer support. Imperialist values, enforced by an insidious, all-pervading, decentralized policing system, prevent people from experiencing emotional breakthroughs, and this keeps them from feeling enough to develop a sensitive, assertive perspective, which would be an anti-imperialist perspective. To change this, our work, the work of ordinary people reaching into extra-ordinary reality, must bring religion back to its roots and take psychology away from the institutional therapist/preists. Bill Holloway 620—A Dundas St W Toronto, Ontario M5T1H7 Canada

behavior was once again unaccept able, this time to my fellow gays. I am not a sissy. I am tall, broad, and strong; I like to play sports; I have a preference for blue jeans; I rarely wear drag. I'm not saying any of this to brag; it's just the way I am. And while I do not put anyone down for being a sissy, I am tired of being put down by sissies for being something else. Being a sissy is not the only politically correct alternative for gay males today. I would think being one’s self would be the best way to be, whatever that is for each individ ual .

Dear RFD, Just recieved the winter is sue. What follows are some com ments by way of a critique: Watch out for a projection of the view of faggotry coming out of the Berkeley - radical - revolu tionary - late '60s syndrome. If I need any or all of the above, I can find it in ample portions any where in the San Francisco Bay Area. There are perhaps as many as 100 publications that will keep me fully informed and erotically stimulated cover to cover. RFD cannot compete on this level. My joy with RFD comes from the fact that I see it as an alternative to all of the other 100 publica tions . This magazine is built around country folk. It tells what it is like to grow up in, or move to, the country while being gay a long, long way from the big city. I possess a deep love and feel a personal commitment towards the well being of you out there in the woods. My media with you is RFD. Thank you for your being, RFD. Fred Scott 223 South Heights San Rafael CA

Dear Friends When I recieved this latest copy of RFD, informing me that my subscription was expiring, I thought quite a while before I finally decided to subscribe for another year. I'm enclosing $6 for another year, and I also want to share my thoughts with the RFD community — readers, friends, and lovers. I especially am looking for feedback. I feel put down by sissy consciousness, and I find it appressive. I didn't come out of the closet, declaring myself gay and proud, just to find that my

Why that long rap? Because I feel that RFD is getting into a space that, while respecting sissy consciousness, is not show ing respect for gay males who do not practice the sissy lifestyle. I just don't feel RFD is speak ing to me, even caring about me, any longer. I need to find some thing in RFD that accepts my way of living— some call it "butch" in admiration, some call it "butch" in derogation, I don't use that word at all— as another respectable, acceptable way for a faggot to be. Otherwise, why bother? I fear this letter is coming from a particularly defensive place in me. I'm not even sure what I feel now is not more in side of myself than being pro jected at me from outside. In any case, I know that I am feel ing put down by people whose life styles I accept, but who don't seem able to deal with my life style. I am not willing to sup port people who won't support me, and I am not willing to be accus ed of pigginess by other gays simply for being a different kind of faggot than their kind of fag got. So how about some feedback I Sissy fascism is just as bad as any other kind of fascism! Or am I just seeing things? Bob Schwartz 116 Chelsea Dr #6 Charlottesville Virginia 22903

How about it? Feedback? Res ponses? We feel that this is an important issue, but due to lack of time and 3pace we won 't respond in this issue. What is butch? What is a sissy? Is being a sissy the only correct political alternative for gay men? Please take respons ibility for furthering dialogue on this issue. C.S.

Dear RFD people, This is Just a short note to tell you how pleased I was person ally to see your winter visual is sue. You may be familiar with the work of some of the conceptual art people in Toronto — General Idea, Art Metropole, the Centre for Experimental Art and Communi cation, FILE magazine. The city's growing "punk" rock scene has tended to focus around some of these groups as well, though most of them pre-date it by quite a few years. The visual issue shares a similar style with most of these people's conceptual art works, though I find it — thankfully — more coherent than their work us ually is. We at TBP have never felt competent to deal with the whole conceptual/"punk"/new wave phenomenon. It clearly involves an inordinately large number of gay people and has, I think, been heavily influenced by a gay sen sibility, but we don't have enough contact with it to have gained any kind of feeling for where it really is. (And there is also the suspicion, to some extent well founded, that a lot of it is pure hype.) This may change; there are a few people here now who think we should take a closer look and who are willing to help. But in the meantime it was good to see a gay magazine delve into the look and feel of this phenomenon. It was well done. Sincerely, Rick Bebout The Body Politic/ Pink Triangle Press

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Dear faggot editors: Today I received the winter is sue of RFD and was so pleased to find the enlarged format. But that pleasure was short lived as I look ed inside. What a lousy crumby is sue this is I! I can’t find the ex act word to describe such an abominal gyp you put over on us. If this is what RFD is going to be like hereafter I don’t want to con tinue my subscription. As punish ment for putting out such a trashy winter issue I think each of you should fold a copy and shove it up his ass. Keep it there all day. I recall receiving an appeal for funds a month or so ago. I didn't respond and am glad now that I did n't if this is an example of how you spend (waste) subscribers mon ey. Sincerely Yours, Gordon Harvey Thanka for the tip} Gordon. We loved it. You should try it too. You 'd probably get a lot out of it beoauae you are one of those people who reads with their ass. C.S.

Dear RFD, Me and Kim just received your "we can't use it computer sheet". I thought RFD was to help fag gots get to the land? Or is it Just for San Francisco or Butterworth farm faggots? Didn't we send enough money? Is it because you don't give a shit about faggots in the Midwest? How come you didn't print an ad for Chippewa Coop farm for their Fall '77 gathering? Wasn't our submission "artsie fartsi e" enough? Or was it because if faggots don't live on the "coast" they must not be real. Maybe you think we are another O.N.B.? Except for the letters, all I see in your mag azine is CALIFORNIA. Last summer ( '76) I donated at least a hundred dollars that I worked for. I thought you were doing the magazine to help connect other faggots in our struggles to leave the city. But for the last 3 issues I don't see that. You won't get anymore support from me. In any form.

Maybe you will write this letter off because you think I ’m Just reacting to your rejection of our submission. I don't see it that way. My resentment to your "elite" little magazine has been growing for sometime. There are alot of people throughout Minne sota, Wisconsin and Iowa that are feeling the same way, as you well know from the declining subscrip tions. A lot of people want to see a Midwest faggot's magazine, but we don11 come from a state where money flows a little easier. When I see the political shit you print I get sick. All this WOIKIN CLASS BACKGROUND, you peo ple seem as much from that class as Mr. and Mrs. Fud from Dorkdale, California. Kim Brettingen 3809 Elliot So. Mpls, MN 55k07

Part of your submission is below. I like it. C.S.

Dear RFD, As faggot/sissies who are committed to the feminist/class revolution, we feel that you have dumped our feelings, our strug gles and our growth. Part of our growth is the development of a faggot/sissie defined culture, a culture that is in opposition to the dominant one, that is, the racism, sexism, and class oppres sion of the patriarchy (the rule of men over wimmin). Why then did so many of the visuals in issue No. #ll blatenly express oppressive idealogy? In particular, every one was white in the photos, there were no photos of 3rd world gays or 3rd world situations. Is this to say there are no 3rd world gays living in the country? Did the RFD coll ective talk about this at all? If so, then wny didn't you print it so that everyone could see that you did struggle about it and may be learn from you. The photo and title "Aberiginal Lip Dance" is also racist by parodying a native dance and people. Sexism is depicted in a sub tle way in the photos of the fag gots in dresses with what appeared to be stuffing to imitate breasts. Death Pumps (pg. 20) is sexist and h

violent orientated. There are several violent themes which re flect the fetishes and sickness of the dominant culture. Are some gay men trying to prove that the oppressed adopt the ways of the oppressors? Was there no struggle over this? There is also the issue of RFD's lack of politics around class awareness and class oppresion. Why wasn’t anything writ ten about the privilege around photography? How many people have the free time, money and energy to take pictures especially so called "artistic portraits". Photos of faggots are wonderful but lets have some reality around it. Please listen to brothers and struggle to understand where we are coming from. We are living in an area of the U$A where the KKK is very entrenched and has alot of support for its evils-the enslavement and or genocide of 3rd world people. The KKK is now attacking lesbians and gays verb ally and physically. In Oklahoma City, the KKK is invading gay bars and beating people with baseball bats. The right wing forces are tightening the nooses around op pressed people's necks more each day SO IT IS FRIGHTENING TO OPEN RFD AND SEE THE AMBIVILANCE AND POLITICAL APATHY. In the words of a strong, black womon Bernice Reagan, "There's a new world cum min--- Where you gonna be stand ing when it comes????? In struggle, Arkansas sissies P0 Box 752 Fayettville Ark. 72701

We appreciate criticism, es pecially if given in a loving (two sided) manner, but if you're feel ing dumped3 we 're feeling trashed. There were no baked stuffed breasts We don’t feel "Death Pumps" is sexist. We would have printed the photos of 3rd world gays that you sent} but they mysteriously didn't arrive. Anger and defensiveness does n't allow more of a response at this time. Yours in struggle. C.S.

Dear RFD* In a world where, at best, Day people are ignored, but more likely persecuted, incarcerated, tortured and killed, I find it difficult to understand some of the dogmatic verbage that is creeping into RFD. Regardless of the socio-economic persuasion of (perhaps) any culture in the world today, ve are oppressed I Rhetoric which uses terms such as class struggle or com rade (how boring) is based on a certain machisimo that, as for as I am concerned, is as oppressive as the capitalist system I reject. I do not deny that there is or should be a class struggle, only that such rhetoric seems to allign RFD with the male domin ated "old" and "new" left, and that such allignment is counter productive to the struggle of Gay people. The "old" and, yes, the "new" left is just as oppres sive to us as the John Birch So ciety, the Republican or the Democratic Parties. They deny our rights to existence, and I deny them my support, be it verb al or otherwise! Realizing, however, that it is impossible to seperate one’s sexual politics from one's total political overview, I only sug gest that new terminology be used (invented?), and that RFD steer more toward dealing with sexual oppression, and less toward Mao, Marx, Lenin, Nixon, Carter or Gus Hall, all of whom discriminate against us in the cruelest and harshest ways. In search of a better world, Dick Phillips PO Box 9 Auxier, Kentucky

1+1602

1) Provide artists with a statement of purpose or philoso phy, preferably at the time of call for contributions, but de finitely with publication. If the statement is clear, it'll be ob vious why each decision was made. This makes the Job of deciding easier too. 2) Make sure the judges are people with a visual bias (if it's a visual issue). It’s a simple matter of using the right tool for the job. In an out of the way place like Wolf Creek, this might require quite a search for the right people. 3) Avoid whenever possible expecting people to decide on their own work or the work of their friends. This can't suc ceed. If you're determined to publish your own work, don't call for contributions. 1+) Watch for the natural boundaries of the selection and stick to them. Usually it'll be obvious which pieces belong in and which out. The trouble comes when you try to expand an inconvenient ly small selection or fill in an empty space. That's all. I hope this can help RFD grow. What I see in the other direction is the "house or gan" of a private social club. Let's hear some discussion about it. -Warm hugs from the Snowy MidwestCharles Munch RT. 5 Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin 51+235

Dear RFD, I am originally from the west coast and know that is where it's at I Why, it's even hard to catch gonorrhea in the midwest! (the coast has a good supply.) After reading the "new" , im proved Ronko RFD, I have a sub mission which should suit your paper well! (Please see RFD #1 1971*, page 13).

[WHITE W E ST- ! COAST GARABACE Dear RFD, I felt fine about having my drawing rejected until I saw the visuals issue and how poor some of the things in it were. Now I feel bad, especially since making me feel this way could've been so easily avoided. Here are some ideas (mostly derived from my ex perience with juried exhibitions which are quite analogous) that might help you reevaluate your policies.

l**W< • | ***** • »A)t> RfD PAkhs•>,T M o if t

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It has all the same qualities as your paper. (West Coast oriented with no use to country folks). 3y the way, I went through the last RFD and found this: pages total 7 pp. letters (2/3 — 1/2 from the west coast) 1+ pp. ads 12 pp. poems, photos, and articles from other places than the west coast 25 pp. solid west coast garbage Also issue #12 has showed me that whites can be Indians too! Al though whites have murdered, rap ed, destroyed, starved, and curs ed the Indian peoples to the ul timate, pages 8, 18 , and 23 indi cate they need only strip off their clothes, glue on a few chicken feathers, and dance around naked with a hard-on. Ta da! In stant Indian! What a wonderful world it is when ego-maniacal greedy white children can become all that their ancestors murder ed in an instant. Golly gosh boys, deal me in! My priorities must be really fuck ed. Here I thought farming was important for country folks, but no, RFD wouldn't hear of it. Too many West Coast problems to write crummy poems about. Please inform me if this will not be printed, for I didn't have the money to mail it from the West Coast. According to the odds from the last issue, I would have 3 times as much luck getting it in if I lived there. Thank you. Arnold J. Cornbelt Midwest, NE Route 1981+ Sticks, MN

Thanks for your letter, "Arnold". We are not operating on a regional bias. The fact is that a large portion of our read ers do live on the West Coast, which may account for a larger number of contributions from that area. We are happy to hear that you don't have problems in the Midwest and we 're sorry you have to hear about ours. We did notice however, that living in the Mid west hasn't Jumpered your ability to write a tacky letter. C.S./editor

lives. And I don't feel, or ob serve, that life in the country automatically rids one of oppres sion in the form of lavs and ac cepted thoughts and behavior. Perhaps awareness of oppression is diluted in the country by a lack of immediacy and urgency in some areas. I don't see that, though.

HI RFD Two letters in #13 really an gered me. One of them wanted to see less affirmation of being gay and less emphasis on liberation, the other implied that leaders for a gay movement would be wel comed if they had a level head. Well really 1 Gay movement there most certainly is, and lead ers of it, too. But the partic ipation of gay people is so min imal it would be more accurate to describe it as a movement of lead ers looking for the masses. And by and large the people already involved in the gay movement have shown a great ability to correct ly analyze the situations we find ourselves in, organize action of a social, political and personal nature and generally amass a lev el of knowledge and experience beneficial to those willing to partake of it. But where are our brothers in all our millions? Politically involved gays are a minority exerting a push for change that has moved us forward. How much stronger it would be if the scoffing or scornful gay would instead participate in a consist ent manner. I say thanks to the thousands of leaders who have made it easier for me to enjoy my life, and hope that others will involve themselves so these necessary changes can occur.

I would like to say that reading a comment by someone ask ing that gay be deemphasized and a liberation attitude be dropped was quite startling. The impact of what he's asking actually did n't hit me until second reading of RFD. (I always wish the read ing matter didn't end so soon). The way I feel about liber ation follows from my observa tion that heterosexual oppression of us is a pervasive phenomonon. It's not just enforced through institutionalized beliefs and behavioral conformity, people, (that's us) accept it in their

I like the emphasis on gay, in RFD. For most of my life it was only put down in the rare in stance it was brought up. In this way I was limited and put down. In my mind, it can't recieve enough affirmation. Gay men, gay actions, gay thought, feelings and ideas. I want to share mine and yours in as wide a forum as possible. And in as positive a way as possible. I feel good with the assertion of my gayness, I have achieved much growth through change based on others' gayness and openness and I look forward to RFD as a trust ed messenger of gay men's lives. So, I really appreciate RFD. And though I'm living in a city and expect to continue to do so, I don't want to be without the country of RFD. Respectfully Keith Stuart 1709-1265 Burnaby Street Vancouver BC CANADA

WE OF THE RFD COLLECTIVE WOULD LIKE YOU TO TAKE A FEW MINUTES TO DROP US A LINE, GIVING US SOME IDEA OF HOW YOU FEEL VIA ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS BELOW. WE FEEL A GREATER NEED TO KNOW WHO OUR READERSHIP IS, WHAT YOU LIKE & DISLIKE, LOVE &LOATH. A FEW MINUTESOUT OF YOUR TIME PLUS ANINE CENT STAMP WILL GIVE US THAT OPPORTUNITY, AND HOPEFULLY LET YOU GIVEAID IN THE DIRECTION OF THE MAGAZINE. 1. WHAT ARTICLES HAVE YOU PAPTICULARY FOUND HELPFUL? PRACTICAL? ENJOYABLE? 2. 'WHAT ARTICLES HAVE YOU PARTICULARLY FOUND CONFUSING? IMPRACTICAL? BORING? 3. WHAT TYPE OF ARTICLES WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN THE FUTURE? WHAT TYPE WOULD YOU LIKE TO WRITE? it. WHAT FICTION HAVE YOU ENJOYED? WHAT FICTION HAVE YOU DISLIKED? 5. WHAT POETICS HAVE YOU ENJOYED? WHAT POETICS HAVE YOU DISLIKED?

6 . WHAT GRAPHICS HAVE YOU LIKED? WHAT GRAPHICS HAVE YOU DISLIKED? (INCLUDE PHOTOGRAPHICS) 7. WHAT ISSUES HAVE YOU LIKED? WHAT ISSUES HAVE YOU DISLIKED? 6. WHAT SUBJECTS OR THEMES WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE EXPLORED IN THE FUTURE? THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP.

COLLECTIVE STATEMENT This January, four RFD collective members met to write this collective statement. Most of us 'nave been with RFD since it came to Volf Creek. We spent the day discussing the history, politics, and the future of RFD. We would like to share some of this with you. RFD is now about 2\ years old. It began as a co-oper ative effort between groups of faggots in Iowa and on the West Coast. The first year and a half RFD was based in Iowa, though issues were put out by various groups around the US. Beginning -with issue number 8, RFD took up residence in Wolf Creek and has been here since. When RFD first came to Wolf Creek, there was no RFD collective, there was only George (later Chenille Crow) who was committed to keeping RFD going. Chenille did keep RFD going and soon others of us joined him, first as individuals and later as a conscious collective. From the first, we have struggled with our collectivity. We have tried to work together rather than apart. We have struggled with inequality, commitment, and the on going feelings that have arisen in our work together. From our idealized fantasies of collectivity we have evolved to a more practical sense of our selves that comes after almost two years of working together. We have made much progress in this sense, but not without much pain, work and many mistakes. We have felt influenced by our experiences; we have grown and tried to show that growth in the pages of the magazine. Each issue has strived to freshen our readers as well as ourselves. With issue #10 Tinter 1976 we in troduced thematic issues and greater issue planning. Centering each issue with a different theme helped give the magazine greater focus, as well as allowing a tighter individualized image each time. Our first the matic issue came out after the Faggots and Class Strug gle Conference, an event that affected all of us in the community, whether we attended or not. It brought new political awareness and a new basis of political strug gle. Class struggle continues in Wolf Creek and it all continues to influence RFD. Since thct first thematic issue, we have explored mechanics, spirituality, ageism, vision, and small towns. The stories of these experienc es would make a book. .4s well as planning themes, we have found value in planning staffs to pull together each issue. Coinciding with this was the growing desire to see the magazine laid out somewhere other than at Magdalen Farm (the RFD address). Steven took primary responsibility for #12 Fall 1977 in which he brought together a staff and the magazine went to Golden for the lay-out. The issue be fore that (#12 Spirituality) was the first time a staff was made up of non-Wolf Creek faggots. #14 Winter 1977 was planned to go to Ontario Canada, but financial re ality was not encouraging such a trip; plans fell through, and the magazine ended up being done at Mag dalen with three residents and one alien. The winter here was cold and wet, and inside space was at a premi-um. Tensions rose as both staff and residents were .forced to co-exist in too little space. When the winter issue was complete, so was RFD's break with Magdalen. A host of bad feelings still remain from that experiance. We wryly refer to it as the seperation of church and state. In looking back on our work with RFD we have be come aware of the contradiction of calling ourselves a Country Journal by Gay Men, while not always relating to it in that way. During its stay in Wolf Creek, RFD has tended more to be a personal, cultural, and polit ical journal by faggots.

We realize the importance of RFD to many readers through the letters and contributions we have recieved. Other than periodic visitors, the RFD mail has been our contact with the readers. Sometimes this means of com munication has left us wondering who our readers arc and vice-versa. We have valued 'the feedback we have got ten and have tried to respond to criticism the. best we know how. We have gotten in touch with the city/country di chotomy, felt the impact of images, politics, and per sonalities, but we have failed to get clear on our goal beyond a loose working definition that has allowed a lot of diverse individuals to work on a journal by fag gots. Symbolic of this is the statement of unity that never got written. The politics of RFD have, at best, been ill-defined. We of the RFD collective accept this as a major criticism. Without a clearly defined polit ical perspective our politics become merely prejudices. We have seen a lot of energy changes in the collec tive, as well as on the farm, and in the community. New people with new needs emerge, others choose to leave and go to the city for a while, others need to travel. A need to break through the isolation that can occupy rural space, needing to fulfill other aspects, degrees, visions. A growing awareness of our individual/collec tive economic, material, emotional needs has consistent ly shaped the direction of the magazine. Tribal Anar chism in action. At present RFD meets and works in the b a m at Mag dalen. We have gotten a P.O. box in Wolf Creek for mail. The relationship between RFD and Magdalen is tense and uncertain. Our collective energy is low and two of us are planning to leave the area. The other two question their commitment to keep RFD breathing. The future is uncertain. We have been asking ourselves if we should keep the magazine. Whether we should pass it on, or build up energy and direction within the community to keep it centered in Wolf Creek. Realistically we know it needs more energy than we are able to provide in the long run. So our answer to this question is this: We of the North west collective are cormited to handle RFD through issue #16. We are also putting our feelers out to begin the process of transferral to another collective. We see . our active commitment to RFD up until July 1 and then we would like to see the magazine in someone elses hands. With this plan we hope that RFD will continue to grow and change and be meaningful to it's readers. We have developed a questionnaire for input by our readership, a8 we think it will be heir fa! to whoever takes on the magazine to have a broader understanding than we have had. Please take part with your responses. If you are a collective, or willing to form a col lective, to take RFD, please get in contact with us and start a dialogue about doing the magazine. Also if you are interested in doing one issue, please write. In struggle, with love: RFD Northwest Collective Candor Smooths tone Samuel Lebow Len Richardson Jai Elliott

L O O K I N G FOR W O L F C R E E K _________

(A T R A N S I T I O N )

1. The Country

Against the aura of pastoral peace and terrestial toughness our souls badly want companionship. Some of the times are incredible times/ the sunrise, the deer and fox, the swimming hole in the mountain, gorge, snow staying white all winter/ aloneness experi enced spiritually, joyously, the magic and self-revela tion of meditation and masturbation/ visits from friends who live further away, old lovers and family, the ones who get so easily stoned on the loveliness of it.... RED is another friend that comes by. It was handed to me some years ago when it was a roving rag— a joy ful apparition, an affirmation that what I would like to happen on the land IS happening, or so I hoped. But lately the idea of men connecting, forming communities, networks, moving beyond the lonely mate-hunt and emo tional struggle so many of us have known on the land— lately the idea is seeming like an illusion. Still, my situation is static, ready for change. I've been seventeen years in the Country, one way or anotherand the part of me that wants brothers more than companions-in-desperation, the part of me that has wanted and still wants to find or create a format for country living with men, the part of me that has experienced enough aloneness simply in writing, in meditating, in working a garden, in sharing only a heterosexual exper ience of the Land— these parts of me are ready for change. It's happening somewhere, I tell myself-— the South west, perhaps, or the Northwest nearer Wolf Creek. It's time. I figure, to leave this mountain, these friends, the roots of familiarity. I put a contact letter in RED and get lots of replies, somewhat affirming my belief that there's a network growing on the Land. But it's a singular network— the replies are loving, supporting, inviting letters from men like myself seeking a friend or visitor. No word, no hint of a community. I write to Wolf Creek figuring they would have infor mation about groups trying to set up here and there, seeking \xevi people— but there's no reply. So I figure I can wander and look. Closing shop (it takes some time to leave a way of life), packing the tent and unhitching the car, I wave some tearful good-byes and head out. (Into the sunset? No, none of that. It's raining heavily when I leave, the Interstate is dreary and crowded for Vermont, and my mind is already full of New York).

Most mornings the sky is clear and I wake to watch the sun rise over the mountain on the other side of the river. Dawn in Vermont from the top of a hill facing East is seen more from the abdomen than from the eyes; the anticipation of it vibrates through the densest of us, connecting gut, soul, and the cold, damp air---un til a glow appears at the edge of the world like some new city made of white light rising. Then everything becomes still. In the early blue light the town down below, some seven miles distant in the river valley, is seen blank eted in the mornjng river-mist that hangs usually until nine, sometimes as late as twelve o'clock. I'm peaceful being close to the sky, peaceful seeing life look so little and being up where the frost is avoided often u n til October. The lights are on at the farm just below; some morn ings I'm down there helping carry the pails, other days I stay here and watch the cows cross the road to the meadows that come this way up the hill. Some mornings I call P. and D., lovers living in a converted one-room schoolhouse five miles further awav firom town, and invite myself for breakfast. They seem to love having me over. We're close, the three of us— but they need firm fences around their relationship, a lim ited source of love to me. M. and B. are my closest friends— they and their three young children. Beyond (or before) sexual prefer ence and sexual politics our lifestyles are most simi lar— sharing funkiness, humor, and .a deep attachment to the land. Without them I'd have left long ago. Most mornings I remain here working at the typewriter. Later on, perhaps, when the mist is burnt off in town I'll go down there, stopping in to see S. He recently split from wife and children and is struggling with the pseudoanonymous (for in a small town everyone pretends not to know) very painfully alone process of coming out in a heterosexual support-system. We're generally avail able to one another, he and I, sometimes with abundant need, sometimes with reticence and guilt— for were there a community of men to relate to, perhaps neither of us would be taking what we do from one another. Love in the Country often comes from such necessary alliance and reliance— a nice frontier ethic (and certainly not very different from relationships in the City) but still, perhaps just too obviously, born of isolation and aloneness. Without isolation and aloreness feelings and be haviors might be different. But we aren't without them— and S. and I are devoted friends. Nights are often spent alone, sometimes blessedly, sometimes painfully. Dinner with friends sometimes— mostly straight friends— or a film down in town, if there is one. Life on the Land, for most of the hours

II. The Journey Had I not grown up there, were there no family or friends for me to see there, coming into New York might be easier. Quick lunch with a friend between her appoint ments; catch my cousin, an old radical buddy, in the hub-bub of his village shop; supper with lesbian friends; home to mom and pop; and so on. Days on Christopher Street, lounging in the sunshine-serene madness of Wash ington Square— the City, as Collective, is not out of the question for me. The Village cousin is looking for a new place in Brooklyn Heights and I think, for only a respectable moment, how it would be to live here again. New York to appearances is incredibly nourishing; but those are the eyes' views, I decide— the ones of the heart experience disease and rip-off. (Equality, one of my own storybook characters once told me, is a conpept needed only when people, being unable to give,must take and be taken from.) There is too much struggle for equality in New York, too much taking. I visit it, man age to enjoy it, wave more good-byes and journey on.

of any day, seems a spiritual high and an earthly strug gle. Twenty miles upriver, on Friday nights only, one of the bars (in a town even smaller than ours) serves gays. We drive from three states to get there— some up to three hours— and in the dim light we foolishly cruise, pretending that love in the Country is as abundant as a good harvest and (tonight anyway) not particularly need ed. We don't speak to each other of struggling, or of feeling alone. Except after making love, which is when the tentacles of despair and dissatisfaction, sated with sex, carefully feel out the possibility of seeing one another again. . . . 9

In a lovely part of New Jersey (I'd never seen a lovely part of New Jersey before) I spend the weekend with a wonderful man, my first RFD contact. He too quit the city years ago,he too lives alone on a hillside, he too has that attachment to growing things, to being able to look out over a beautiful valley, he too has mostly straight acquaintances, good friends. We do that caution dance that isolated Country men learn to do with one another: I won't/ I'm not looking for/ be staying long/ someone to stay long, and then w e ’ie free to turn on to each other. A beauti ful weekend. I don't stay long. Off to Washington. In the Maryland suburbs I pick up a high school kid hitching into D.C. He's going to visit a friend on F Street, he says, and we share a good time talking about High School, how deadly it is. I drop him at F Street and begin hunting for the new location of a gay book store. Nice place, it turns out, but the only person I'm able to connect with at first is the woman at the cash-register. I give several farm-worthy howdies to men peeping over the tops of books they're perusing but they just nod. Then one of them, way over in a corner, smiles back absolutely crimson. It's the high school kid. We both laugh. I call the National Gay Rights Lobby and say I'll be in town for a few days and could seal envelopes, phone, stamp, stomp, chat, demonstrate or otherwise just visit. They say nothing is happening except that I could come in to check files on my Senators and Congresspeople and go home again, informed. (In the Country, I'm thinkin', a stranger is invited in even when there's no shit to hoe.) Being state-less and too tired to check files on all of them I simply ask about bars and get the lowdown . There's community in Washington, more receptive and giving than my experience of New York, but no signals for staying happen to me there. I spend some lovely days with beautiful people down by the Potomac where folks go to watch the jets at National landing and leaving, so low you can almost touch 'em.

But sunrises are as nice, or nicer; and so the jour ney toward some elusive Home continues— in cabins and small towns in Virginia, Tennessee, Mississippi, Louis iana, wandering toward the community I'm still hoping to hear about, wandering (I'm realizing) more and more consciously toward Wolf Creek (still the only model I have for the possibilities of gay living on the land). The single men and couples I meet and stay with along the way, all RFD contacts, are the cast of my Dream— loving, conscious men. But for many the only gay Commu nity, the only gay Neighbor, is the quarterly appearance of RFD. Some have no connection to group living, no desire to have others about them; others, more like myself, seem hungry for a way of life to share— and seek, in the absence of that way, a lover. I find Collectives and Communities— nice ones— but our sexual politics (not to mention persuasions) aren't compatible. So, approach ing Texas— a big and for me alien place where I pro phesy no dream— I'm confused, beginning to wonder if RFD, or the idea of it, is my own sad illusion... if it is, all by itself, The Revolution, destined to die as other spawnless movements have died, alone and barren__ or if they'll write to me and say, sorry we're simply a Country Journal and never meant to suggest there was anything else happening, or able to happen, on the Land. I like to think I don't any longer seek Answers; I like to think I only seek Friends. Answers are as abun dant as the waves of Energy, or the Questions (or the People to ask them) in the Universe. There are Answers in every Reality— that's why some of us live in New York, some in Jersey, in D.C., or the hills of Tennessee ...as a farmer, city-kid, meditator, activator, loner, crowd-eater, collectivist, or entrepreneur. It's all feeling particularly ALRIGHT to me on this journey. But coming into Texas I'm beginning to wonder where this trip's taking ME— wondering if there's any Reality along my path where some men are sharing sunrise, garden, shit, and love. CERTAINLY THERE IS (I remind myself pertly)— LOTS of them— only just days ahead, in the southwest, in Cali fornia, in Washington. (I'm not wanting to think about Oregon).

III.

The City

The sun is setting and Shreveport is still an hour distant. But beyond Shreveport, across the Louisiana line, Texas— imagined as an interminably flat, barren stretch of rigs and ranches, pick-up trucks, poshly up holstered Chevies and Buicks and the gracing, unsuspect ing Longhorn— teases me, dares me to catch a glimpse of just one oilwell before dark. But there are just faint threads of day left as 1 cross the state line and in the dark I see what I imagine. I pull off the Interstate near Marshall where a smal ler highway begins the long, arrow-straight southwest trek to Austin— my first City since D.C. I'll be stay ing with more RFD contacts there. At a crumbling stone building under a fading neon GAS sign an old woman is locking the pumps for the night. "WONT GAYUS?" she calls when I pull in. Her voice is low and dry; she isn't smiling; under her old Texas breasts I imagine a shotgun hidden, or a noose. I'm looking for a place to pitch my tent, I tell her; she tells me one, I thank her, smiling my best Vermont sunshine, and start away. "HEY!" she calls out, raising a hand. (Cardiac arrest). "Y'all hayuv a good tahm in Teyuxus, hear?" That, I smile to myself, recuperating, must be the State Kiss. In my tent that night I imagine I hear oil gurgling deep in the earth under me. In the morning, though, all the rigs are gone— ripped off, I tell myself, by rust lers. The land I drive through now is a blend, with no theme, of most every place I've ever seen— the hills and evergreens of Vermont, the bayous and Spanish moss of Georgia or Louisiana, the rolling pastures of horse and steer which (subtract the steer) remind me of Vir ginia of Kentucky. There are even acres of dense green warmth like Oregon summer. In a dustbowl-looking diner halfway to Austin there's another steer, pounded now into something called Chicken Fried Steak, everyone's ordering it. I get the grilled cheese. Aways down the road yup and shore nuff (a few things I picked up at the diner) Texas reveals itself. The land is flattening, the rich red southern earth turning shit-black, the gently rolling horizon of my former life falling now off the edge of endless newness. They told me Austin would have lovely, canyony hillsbut as I drive on across the world's last ledge waiting for life to rise and slope again I'm doubting. The sign says Austin, 25 miles. I stop at a roadside tree (there aren't many) to piss and assess the situation. With mountains in my blood I couldn't live long here, I'm thinking— though to flatlanders I've met most every where such visage is God's country. Continuing down" the i-oad I'm imagining how I'm in God's country. It's al right . Austin, ten miles. That's the distance, I'm thinking, between my town and the next town in Vermont, between Truro and Provincetown on the Cape, between Manhattan and Kennedy Airport. What sort of canyony hills can rise up in ten miles?

kid went crazy years ago and shot so many people on the street (...a City...and a curious feeling of arrival),

the funny pink granite of the State Capitol and (look..) distant, canyony hills rising off to the left. Billboai'ds, bank signs flashing the temperature, Sears, and TREES— the community of waste and technology— the community of City— all those people escaping it— what

Sign: 135 — the Interstate coming south from Dallas, the main approach to Austin from the north and north east. I stop near the entrance ramp— something is working inside me that hasn't worked since I left home— maybe I'm just ready to stop— been a month now since I left home— home, and here, the edge of a superhigh way that suddenly is feeling like a transition in my life, from country road to Interstate, from country living to City— in a state which itself has always been alien to m e ... ...from God's flatland, riding up to the ramp into the flow of traffic, cruising confidently now into an

am I doing coming IN? The thought surfaces in a funny, unthreatening way. Poor R., I'm thinking— inviting me to stop by in Austin. What'll he do if I stay? That night I'm with friends down on Sixth Street, in a large dimly-lit old hall (in Boston it might have been an Irish pub) with bleechers in back, rows of old chairs, and pillows up front for floorsitters. It's 'Esthers'— do you know Esthers?— a funky sort-of Vaudeville sort-of revolutionary sort-of satire troupe that keeps the mob laughing— the gays, the chicanos, the students (all sizes, all colors), football heroes whispering the meaning of the acts to their dates, laid-back sixties activists, cowboys and the tourist odd-couples. I'm in Texas, I'm remembering. I'm in a city. Thinking about that old bar in that town upriver in Vermont (you see, it's Friday night...) Feeling happily surrounded, content to pause, and very tired. My journey begins an unscheduled halt. In bed that night I drift into visions of mist on the river at dawn, cows crossing the road, pumpkins

increasing concentration of lamp-poles, telephone-poles, buildings and billboards, road curving sharply now to the East, now sharply South again into a sudden appari tion of IREES (an oasis?) more TREES than I've ever seen in a City (my muse, it's Austin...) and the red gabled roofs of the University, and the tower where that

sitting on the mound of hay 1 make for the harvest, my friends' children giggling as 1 play with them - and the streets and roads of rural Vermont where everyone's knowing me and I'm knowing them. Somewhere between waking and sleep I wonder for a painful moment where 1 am - and then, tired of logic fall to sleep. 11

blueprints, gets built by some so others can learn and follow, and gives tools for creating .

An epilogue (about the country, the city, Dreams, and Ideology.)

We've yet, I think, to build that— to manifest our selves beyond this fantasy and amusement of country living for gay men. I, anyway, have yet to do that. Perhaps talking about quaint Small Towns, about Age and age-ism, about spirituality or our relationship with women— perhaps these things are needed preperation. But they're not about faggot country living— they don't speak to me about how, or WHY, to survive on the land alone or collectively. We write little about the pain and difficulty we've had (and continue having) living on the land. Random, occasional letters mention someone trying to get a group or a network together, trying to build something. As an ideology, I'm realizing, RFD isn't the people of Wolf Creek. Wolf Creek, as a working concept, isn't duplicatable into a Movement. RFD, rather, is those of us who read it. And this reader (for one) needs to fi gure out if RFD is a place in which to amuse ourselves

Well not an epilogue, actually - more like a picture ]>ostcard sent home. Still here...wish you were...no, wish this were There. No... Wishing, maybe that the community I'm experiencing these days would become the sunrise, the river-mist, the farm. That's it. Certainly I'm wondering about my relationship to the Land now, and to the camped-out men I stayed with in the hills of here and there. Certainly I'm wondering what RFD means to me. The window by my typewriter looks out to the back yard. Back Yard. Front Yard. Alley. Neighborhood. Avenue. It takes getting used to. Austin is a small city, a warm city, nonetheless a city. The mountainside was free and fenceless. The city is predicated on fences. My moment has changed. The exquisite aloneness and meditativeness of these many years is now exquisite crowdedness and pot-luck friendship. Whatever doubt I had about staying here awhile is gone; whatever energy I experienced for finding my farmhouse with other men rests now somewhere behind my present moment. I re main devoted to the Country in me; it's much of my identity. I remain devoted to the belief that sometime it will work as a viable alternative to the love and comeraderie I feel at the moment. The message seems to be about the difference between Dream and Ideology. In my own wandering (certainly not done) and in the searchings of the men I've stayed with along the way, the idea of country living foi gay men the idea of RFD - is a connection, sometimes an amuse ment, often a Dream.. But Ideology, I think, is diffe rent. Ideology, I think, is the manifestation of Dream, .ideology spawns, ideology focuses on directions, offers

with Country Living - which is good- or a place where we'll teach ourselves how to live and survive on the land - which would be good, but doesn't seem to be happening yet--or both, which is raht fahn if not bettah as we say here in teyuxus. Y'all hayuv a good tahm.

Michael Fernandes 2834 San Gabriel Austin, TX 787QS

Tm m o

"Homosexuals have won a certain degree of acceptance in freedom will have to be won in the small towns. It is easy sees oneself as never having to associate closely with. It change of mind, to welcome such a group of people into the

the large cities. But the final victory for homosexual enough to grant acceptance to a group of peoole one calls for a greater degree of understanding, for a true intimate society of a small town." Howard Brown M.D. Familiar Faces, Hidden Lives

Harcourt 1976 from chapter six, Homosexuals in Small Towns

S M A L L

The idea of a Small Town Items section within the larg er Small Town section came to me as Candor and I came' across the mountains from Wolf Creek. On our wav into the Klamath 3asin, our talk was involved in how we saw the issue and the section. We have included pieces that were sent to us from our readers (some edited) as well as personal thoughts, and selections from T h e A n t i - M a s s , m e t h o d s o f o r g a n i z a t i o n f o r c o l l e c t i v e s . We have found this pamphlet valuable, and felt it pertinant to small communities. We hope that the Items reveal to vou the flow that was experienced in putting them together. In Loving Struggle: Jai Elliott.

ITEM # 1 I AM A HOMOSEXUAL The p u r p o s e of this c a r d is to m a k e y o u a w a r e o f the f a c t t h a t y o u rid e w i t h , ta l k to, e a t w i t h a n d see us e v e r y d a y . I h o p e th a t the time y o u h a v e s p e n t w i t h me has h e l p e d y o u to r e a l i z e t h a t w e a r e p e o p l e j u s t like you.

TOWN

R e a l i y , h o w do y o u f i g h t fire? W i t h w a t e r , o f c o u r s e . The sam e goes f o r r e v o l u t i o n . We d o n ' t f i g h t the m a s s (mark e t ) w i t h a m a s s ( m o v e m e n t ) . W e f i g h t m a s s w i t h class. O u r a i m s h o u l d n o t be to c r e a t e a m a s s m o v e m e n t b u t a c l a s s force. W h a t is a c l a s s ? A c l a s s is a c o n s c i o u s l y o r g a n i z e d s o c ial force. F o r e x a m p l e , the r u l i n g c l a s s is c o n s c i o u s a n d acts c o l l e c t i v e l y to o r g a n i z e n o t o n l y i t s e l f b u t a l s o the p e o p l e (mass) that it rules. The c o r p o r a t i o n is the s e l f - c o n s c i o u s c o l l e c t i v e p o w e r of the r u l i n g cla s s . We a r e n o t s a y i n g that c l a s s r e l a t i o n s do n o t e x i s t in the r e s t o f s o c i e t y . B u t they r e m a i n p a s s i v e so long as t h e y a r e s h a p e d s i m p l y by o b j e c t i v e c o n d i t i o n s (i.e. w o r k s i t u a t i o n s ) . W h a t is n e c e s s a r y is the a c t i v e ( s u b j e c t i v e ) p a r t i c i p a t i o n o f the c l a s s itself. Cl a s s p r e j u d i c e is n o t c l a s s c o n s c i o u s n e s s . The c l a s s is c o n s c i o u s of its social e x i s t e n c e b e c a u s e it s e e k s to o r g a n i z e itself. T h e m a s s is u n c o n s c i o u s of its social e x i s t e n c e b e c a u s e it is o r g a n i z e d by C o c a - C o l a a n d IBM. The moral o f the s t o r y is: the m a s s is a m a s s b e c a u s e is o r g a n i z e d as a mass. D o n ' t be f o o l e d by the b r a n d name. M a s s is t h i n k i n g w i t h y o u r ass.

ITEM # 2 THE D I F F E R E N C E B E T W E E N M A S S A N D C L A S S (FROM THE A N T I - M A S S ) W h y is it i m p o r t a n t to k n o w the d i f f e r e n c e b e t w e e n mas s and c l a s s ? T h e c h a n c e s a r e th e r e can be no c o n s c i o u s r e v o l u t i o n a r y p r a c t i c e w i t h o u t m a k i n g this d i s t i n c t i o n . We are n o t p l a y i n g a r o u n d w i t h w o r d s . Look. We are all l i v i n g in a m a s s s o c i e t y . We d i d n ' t g e t t h a t w a y by a c ci d e n t . The m a s s is a s p e c i f i c f o r m o f social o r g a n i z a tion. The r e a s o n is clea r . C o n s u m p t i o n is o r g a n i z e d by the c o r p o r a t i o n s . T h e i r p r o d u c t s d e f i n e the m a s s . T h e mas s is not a c l i c h e - - t h e " m a s s e s " - - b u t a r o u t i n e w h i c h d o m i n a t e s y o u r d a i l y life. U n d e r s t a n d i n g the s t r u c t u r e o f the m a s s m a r k e t is the f i r s t s t e p t o w a r d u n d e r s t a n d i n g w h a t h a p p e n e d to the c l a s s s t r u g g l e . W h a t is the m a s s ? M o s t p e o p l e t h i n k of the m a s s in terms of n u m b e r s -- l i k e a c r o w d e d s t r e e t or a f ootball s t a d ium. B u t it is a c t u a l l y structure w h i c h d e t e r m i n e s its c h a r a c t e r . T h e m a s s is an a g g r e g a t e o f c o u p l e s w h o a r e s e p a r a t e , d e t a c h e d a n d a n o n y m o u s . T h e y live in c i t i e s , p h y s i c a l l y c l o s e y e t s o c i a l l y apar t . T h e i r lives are p r i v a t i z e d and d e p r a v e d . C o c a - C o l a and l o n e l i n e s s . The social e x i s t e n c e o f the m a s s -- its r ules a n d r e g u l a tions, the s t r u c t u r i n g o f its s t a t u s roles and l e a d e r s h i p -- a r e o r g a n i z e d t h r o u g h c o n s u m p t i o n (the m a s s m a r ket). T h e y are all p r o d u c t s o f a s p e c i f i c social o r g a n ization. Ours. O f co u r s e , no one see s t h e m s e l v e s as p a r t o f the mass. It's a l w a y s others w h o a r e the m a s s e s . The t r o u b l e is that it is n o t o n l y the c o r p o r a t i o n s w h i c h o r g a n i z e us into the m ass. Ihe " m o v e m e n t " i t s e l f b e h a v e s as a m a s s and its o r g a n i z e r s r e p r o d u c e the h i e r a r c n y o f the mass.

ITEM # 3 E S C A P I N G TO THE C I T I E S (BY D A R R E N 0 T T 0 / P . 0 . B 0 X 9 3 5 / P R 0 V I N C E T 0 W N M A 0 2 6 5 7 . ) A l t h o u g h I'm a g a i n s t the c o n t i n u o u s d e s t r u c t i o n o f n a t ure; the p o l l u t i o n o f o u r a i r and w a t e r ; m y li f e m a y hav e c o n t i n u e d to be u n h a p p y if I h a d n ' t m o v e d to a big city. I g r e w up in a small town in u p s t a t e N e w York. T h e f i r s t t w e l v e y e a r s w e r e b e a u t i f u l . The r i v e r w a s c l e a n e n o u g h for s w i m m i n g and the w i l d e r n e s s w a s a l i v e w i t h s o u n d and m o v e m e n t . M y p a r e n t s , o n e a b a p t i s t , the o t h e r c a t h o l i c , w e r e G o d - f e a r i n g , G o d - l o v i n g p e ople. T h e y t a u g h t me that d i s c r i m i n a t i o n a g a i n s t a n y p e r s o n w a s w r o n g ; e x c e p t t hose p e o p l e w h o w e r e "quee r " . The q u e e r s , they said, w e r e sic k a n d dirt y . So m y teen y e a r s w e r e q u i t e u n h a p p y b e c a u s e I k n e w I w a s gay, I k n e w t h a t m y p a r e n t s w e r e w r o n g , I w a s n ' t sic k o r d i r t y , b u t t h e r e w a s no one to talk to. G r a d u a l l y I b e c a m e w i t h d r a w n a n d d e p r e s sed, until at a g e n i n e t e e n or t w e n t y I m o v e d to B o s t o n w h e r e for the f i r s t time i m e t p e o p l e w h o w e r e gay, happ y , and c o u l d s t a n d up and say, "Yes I'm p r o u d o f

it". T o d a y I'm t w e n t y - n i n e y e a r s o l d a n d live in a small r e s o r t town on C a p e Cod. T h r o u g h m y f r i e n d s in the c i t y I m e t Jim, m y lover, a n d w e ' v e b e e n l i v i n g t o g e t h e r for fo u r y e a r s . I've had m a n y h a p p y t imes and m a d e som e w o n d e r f u l f r i e n d s s i n c e the d a y I m o v e d f r o m the small tow n to the big city. We n e e d the c i t i e s for the pers o n a l g r o w t h , u n d e r s t a n d ing, s u p p o r t , and f r i e n d s h i p s t h a t o f t e n a g a y p e r s o n c a n n o t fin d in a small town.

f e l l o w w o r k e r s . W h i l e it is g e n e r a l l y m o r e d i f f i c u l t and less r e w a r d i n g for c l o s e t e d g a y f olks to l i v e in a small town than e l s e w h e r e , m o s t o f the f r u s t r a t i o n is r e l a t e d to the la c k o f social a n d pers o n a l c o n t a c t s , r a t h e r than c o m m u n i t y life. T h i s , o f c o u r s e , d e p e n d s g r e a t l y on h o w v i s i b l e o n e ' s g a y n e s s is, a n d h o w v i s i b le o n e w a n t s to be. M y e x p e r i e n c e a n d t h o s e o f m y f r i e n d s in s u p p o r t i n g t h e m s e l v e s in small towns s u g g e s t som e o f the p o s s i b i l i t i e s . The a l t e r n a t i v e t h a t g a y fo l k s in a n d a b o u t small towns can e x p l o r e is b a r t e r i n g a n d t r a d i n g o f l a b o r a n d g o o d s a m o n g o u r s e l v e s . Thi s n o t o n l y b y - p a s s e s the p a p e r m o n ey c r u n c h , b u t r e d u c e s the nee d to p r o d u c e a s u r p l u s s p e c i f i c a l l y for c a s h sale s , or to e a r n s u p p l e m e n t a l w a g e s . F u r t h e r , if a p r o d u c t i v e c o - o p o r e x c h a n g e u n i t is e s t a b l i s h e d it m a y be l i n k e d t o g e t h e r to p r o v i d e g o o d s a n d s e r v i c e s to the small tow n c o m m u n i t y a t large. Thus the g a y i n d i v i d u a l s b e n e f i t by the s u p p o r t a n d a c c e p t a n c e o f t h e i r e c o n o m i c a n d c o m m u n i t y a c t i v i t i e s . To me, l i v i n g a r e l a t i v e l y o p e n g a y l i f e in a small town can be the b e s t o f bot h w o r l d s . I s u p p o s e this is b e c a u s e small town f r i e n d l i n e s s a n d i n v o l v e m e n t is c o m p l e m e n t a r y to an o p e n , l o v i n g l i f e s t y l e . A t l e a s t it can be, if w e s t r i v e to m a k e it so.

IlEM # 4 T H O U G H T S ON S M A L L T O W N S (BY R A N D Y R O S S I / R T . 1 BOX 8 6 - A / T E M P L E T O N CA 934 6 5 ) Small towns h a v e a l w a y s b e e n o n e o f m y f a v o r i t e s u b jects, and small t owns a r e g r e a t p l a c e s to v i s i t and e x p e r i e n c e . Small t owns h a v e s e p a r a t e h i s t o r i e s and p e r s o n a l i t i e s . T h e y a r e u n i q u e , h a l f h u m a n and hal f buildings. W h a t is the d e f i n i t i o n o f a small t own? O b v i o u s l y it doe s n o t d e p e n d o n l y on p o p u l a t i o n s i z e o r d e n s i t y . I g u e s s it's e a s i e s t to j u s t feel the d e f i n i t i o n -- if e v e r y o n e g e n e r a l l y a g r e e s t h a t t h e y a r e l i v i n g in a small town, then t h e y are. Y e t it is a s e n s e o f c o m m u n ity th a t sets a small town a p a r t f r o m a s u b u r b o r lo o s e a s s o c i a t i o n of b u i l d i n g s . T h e s m a l l n e s s a l s o d e p e n d s s o m e w h a t on the f e e l i n g of s e p a r a t e n e s s . A small town ten m i l e s from a few m e d i u m and l a r g e s i z e c i t i e s m a y not h a v e the s a m e m i x o f a c t i v i t i e s or s e n s e o f c o m m u n ity t h a t a m o r e i s o l a t e d town w o u l d have. An e x a m p l e of this is the d i s a p p e a r a n c e of w e l l - s t o c k e d g r o c e r y sto r e s f r o m m a n y small t owns w h e r e t h e r e is a large s u p e r m a r k e t in a n e a r b y c i ty. Thi s a l s o a p p l i e s to the c e n t r a l i z a t i o n o f s c h o o l s and o t h e r s e r v i c e s a w a y f r o m small towns. C e n s u s d e f i n i t i o n s set small to w n limi t s at 10,000. G e n e r a l l y I t h i n k o f small t o w n s as h a v i n g f e w e r pe o p l e , say 5 , 0 0 0 o r less. A n d in o r d e r to be a small town t h e r e m u s t be an i d e n t i f i a b l e c e n t e r or f ocus w h i c h p r o v ides m o s t o f the b u s i n e s s and s e r v i c e a c t i v i t i e s n e c e s s a r y f o r the local p e o ple. This w o u l d u s u a l l y i n c l u d e local s c h o o l s , p o s t o f f i c e , st o r e s , c o m m u n i t y c e n t e r , etc. This kind o f s e l f - s u f f i c i e n t small town is b e c o m ing rarer, the loss e s p e c i a l l y a c c e l e r a t e d by the a u t o m o b i l e , c e n t r a l i z e d s h o p p i n g c e n t e r s , and c h a i n s t ores. Small towns e x i s t f o r f a i r l y b a s i c r e a s o n s , a l o c a t i o n of r e s o u r c e e x p l o i t a t i o n ( f i shing, l u m b e r i n g , m i n i n g ) , or a t r a n s p o r t a t i o n focus. Small towns in rural a r e a s are often supply centers, especially for agriculture. O t h e r small t owns m a y o w e t h e i r e c o n o m i c b a s e to i n s t i tut i o n a l , g o v e r n m e n t a l (prison, h o s p i t a l , c o l l e g e ) or r e l i g i o u s a c t i v i t i e s . A l s o t here a r e small t o w n s s u p p o r t e d m a i n l y by t o u r i s m , r e c r e a t i o n , or retail s h o p ping. R e t i r e m e n t c o m m u n i t i e s are a kind of e x t e n d e d v a c a t i o n town. B u t m o s t small towns e x i s t b e c a u s e p e o p l e liv e there, a n d li k e to live th e r e -- t a k i n g in eac h ot h e r s ' laun d r y , as the s a y i n g goes. We can r e a d i l y a g r e e on w h a t d i s t i n g u i s h e s a small town f r o m a big c i t y , b u t w h a t m a k e s t h e m d i f f e r e n t f r o m s u b urbs, a n d s u b u r b a n l i v i n g ? S i m p l y , small t o wns a r e not SUB- to a n y t h i n g e lse, tha t is t h e y a r e d i s t i n c t e n t i t ies. A n d m o s t i m p o r t a n t l y , small towns c a n be d i s t i n g u i s h e d f r o m s u b u r b s by the kinds of p e o p l e and s e v i c e s that y o u find. A small town is a c r o s s - s e c t i o n o f p e o ple, a g e s , o u t l o o k s and o c c u p a t i o n s . T h e p o p u l a t i o n o f a s u b u r b is u s u a l l y c o n f i n e d to som e a g e b r a c k e t , s o c ial st a t u s , a n d s t a g e o f f a m i l y r earing. T h e e n d l e s s rows of s u b u r b a n h o u s e s m a y be j u s t a b e d r o o m c o m m u n i t y for a l a r g e city. T h e s e r v i c e s and f a c i l i t i e s a v a i l a b l e there r e f l e c t this. G r o c e r y st o r e s , r e s t a u r a n t s , banks, d i a p e r s e r v i c e s , a n d r e a l t y o f f i c e s p r e d o m i n a t e . On the c o n t r a r y , the small town m a y n o t hav e a d i a p e r s e r v i c e or f a s t - f o o d o u t l e t , b u t it is l i k e l y to h a v e a l i b r a r y , a c o m m u n i t y hall, and a park. T h e s u b u r b is u n i f o r m i t y of c l a s s a n d l i f e s t y l e , a p l a c e w h e r e y o u r h o u s e is. The small town is d i v e r s e , a m i x t u r e o p e r a t i n g as a u n i t y o u r hometown. T h e r e a r e m a n y w a y s for g a y p e o p l e to m a k e a l i ving, or a u g m e n t th e i r i n c o m e in small towns and rural places. B a s i c a l l y w e do the s a m e thi n g s th a t e v e r y o n e e l s e does, d e p e n d i n g on the c h a r a c t e r of the p l a c e and the prevail type o f jobs. B e i n g g a y a n d g e t t i n g by in a small town

the strength of a collective lies in its social organization not its numbers. ITEM

if 5

P R I M A C Y OF T H E C O L L E C T I V E ( F R O M THE A N T I - M A S S ) T h e small g r o u p is the c o m i n g t o g e t h e r o f p e o p l e w h o feel the n e e d for c o l l e c t i v i t y . Its f u n c t i o n is o f t e n to b r e a k o u t o f the m a s s -- s p e c i f i c a l l y f r o m the i s o l a t i o n o f d a i l y life and the m a s s s t r u c t u r e o f the m o v e m e n t . The p r o b l e m is t h a t f r e q u e n t l y the g r o u p c a n n o t c r e a t e an i n d e p e n d e n t e x i s t e n c e a n d an i d e n t i t y o f its own b e c a u s e it c o n t i n u e s to d e f i n e i t s e l f n e g a t i v e l y , i.e. in o p p o s i t i o n . So l o n g as its p o i n t o f r e f e r e n c e lies o u t s i d e of it, the g r o u p ' s p o l i t i c s t e n d to be s u p e r i m p o s e d o n it by e v e n t s and c r i ses. The small g r o u p c a n be a s t a g e in the d e v e l o p e m e n t o f the c o l l e c t i v e , if it d e v e l o p e s a c r i t i q u e o f the f r u s t r a t i o n s s t e m m i n g f r o m its e x t e r n a l o r i e n t a t i o n . The formation of a collective begins when people not only hav e the sam e p o l i t i c s b u t a g r e e on the m e t h o d o f s t r u g gle. W h y s h o u l d the c o l l e c t i v e be the p r i m a r y f o r m o f o r g a n i z a t i o n ? The c o l l e c t i v e is an a l t e r n a t i v e to the e x i s t ing s t r u c t u r e o f s o c i e t y . C h a n g i n g social r e l a t i o n s is a process r a t h e r tha n a p r o d u c t o f r e v o l u t i o n . In other w o r d s , y o u m a k e the r e v o l u t i o n b y a c t u a l l y c h a n g i n g s o c ial r e l a t i o n s . You m u s t c o n s c i o u s l y c r e a t e the c o n t r a d i c t i o n s in hist o r y . C o n c r e t e l y , this mean s : o r g a n i z e y o u r s e l v e s , n o t s o m e b o d y else. The c o l l e c t i v e is the o r g a n i z a t i o n a l n u c l e u s of a c l a s s l e s s s o c i e t y . As a formal o r g a n i z a t i o n it n e g a t e s all f o r m s of h i e r a r c h y . T h e a n s w e r to a l i e n a t i o n is to m a k e y o u r s e l f the subject, n o t the o b j e c t , o f h i s tory. O n e o f the crucial o b s t a c l e s to the f o r m a t i o n o f c o l l e c tives is the t r a n s i t i o n a l p e r i o d -- w h e n the c o l l e c t i v e m u s t s u r v i v e s i d e by s i d e w i t h a d i s i n t e g r a t i n g m o v e m e n t a n d a m a s s s o c i e t y . T h e d i s i n t e g r a t i o n o f the m o v e m e n t is n o t an i s o l a t e d p h e n o m e n o n b u t r e f l e c t s the w e a k e n i n g o f the m a j o r i n s t i t u t i o n s in A m e r i c a n s o c i e t y responsible for our alienation. Many people are demoral-

m a y p r e s e n t some special p r o b l e m s , b u t n o t n e c e s s a r i l y . S o m e t i m e s the o p p o r t u n i t i e s a r e l i m i t e d to the e x t e n t that it is d i f f i c u l t to be o p e n l y g a y a n d e m p l o y a b l e . H o w e v e r , th e r e a r e m a n y p u r s u i t s w h e r e this is n o t an issue. O n e doe s n o t ha v e the e a s y a n o n i m i t y o f b i g c i t y jobs, but n e i t h e r is o n e s u b j e c t to the i s o l a t i o n f r o m

zed by this

process

a n d f i n d it b e w i l d e r i n g b e c a u s e

So then, if w e a r e to be a c c e p t e d as g a y s , a n d a t the sam e time c o n v i n c e o u r n e i g h b o r s t h a t w e are, in fact, p e o p l e j u s t as they ar e , w e m u s t f i r s t be a c c e p t e d as p e o p l e a n d then as gays. H o w do w e go a b o u t a c c o m p l i s h ing t h i s ? A n y o n e (gay, s t r a i g h t , o r w h a t e v e r ) will be a c c e p t e d in a n e w l o c a l i t y m o r e r e a d i l y if they f o llow, to som e e x t e n t at least, the s t a n d a r d s th a t a r e k n o w n and e s t a b l i s h e d in the area. If the b u l k of the p e o p l e hav e s h o r t h a ir, th e y are g o i n g to a c c e p t a p e r s o n w i t h s h o r t h a i r m o r e e a s i l y than one w i t h lon g hair. If m o s t of the p e o p l e in the c o m m u n i t y w e a r b i b - o v e r a l l s a n e w p e r s o n w e a r i n g b i b - o v e r a l l s will fit r i g h t in. So, if w e w i s h to be a c c e p t e d let us f i r s t c h a n g e o u r o w n w a y s to fit the p i c t u r e o f the n i c e g u y in the are a w e then m a k e f r i e n d s w i t h m o s t o f the p e o p l e a r o u n d us, as soon as th e y a r e t h i n k i n g o f us as " good p e o p l e " w e can b e g i n l e t t i n g it be k n own that w e a r e gay, like lo n g hair, w e a r s a n d a l s o r w h a t - e v e r . The r e a c t i o n then by o u r n e i g h b o r s will be a l o n g the line o f "Well, if J o e B l o w is a n i c e guy, as w e k n o w h i m to be, and is gay, then m a y b e g a y p e o p l e are O K a f t e r a l l . " Or, "Good old Dan a c r o s s the s t r e e t is l e t t i n g his ha i r g r o w out, b u t w e k n o w he is a fine p e rson, so m a y b e it i s n ' t suc h a bad t h i n g to hav e lon g hair."

they a c t u a l l y d e p e n d s u b c o n s c i o u s l y on the c o n t i n u e d e x is t e n c e of t h e s e i n s t i t u t i o n s . W e a r e w i t n e s s i n g the b r e a k - u p a n d t r a n s f o r m a t i o n o f an i n s t i t u t i o n integral to m o d e r n s o c i e t y -- the m a s s m a r k e t . T h e m a s s m a r k e t is a c o r p o r a t e s t r u c t u r e w h i c h few p e o p l e a r e s u f f i c i e n tly a w a r e of to r e a l i z e h o w it a f f e c t s o u r p o l i tical life. We r e a l l y do d e p e n d on o u r " l e a d e r s , " w h e t h e r th e y b e the C h i c a g o 7 o r 7 Up. O u r u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f the c o l l e c t i v e f o r m o f o r g a n i z a t i o n is b a s e d on a c r i t i q u e o f the m a s s a n d the d i c t a t o r s h i p o f the p roduct. T h e s e c o n d i t i o n s m a k e it i m p e r a t i v e that a n y p e o p l e w h o d e c i d e to c r e a t e a c o l l e c t i v e k n o w e x a c t l y w h o t h e y are and w h a t t h e y a r e doi n g . T h a t is w h y y o u m u s t c c n s i d e r y o u r c o l l e c t i v e as p r i m a r y . B e c a u s e , if y o u d o n ' t bell i e v e in the l e g i t i m a c y o f this f o r m o f o r g a n i z a t i o n , y o u c a n ' t h a v e a practical a n a l y s i s o f w h a t is h a p p e n ing. D o n ' t kid y o u r s e l f . The s t r u g g l e for the c r e a t i o n and s u r v i v a l of c o l l e c t i v e s a t this m o m e n t o f h i s t o r y is g o i n g to be v e r y d i f f i c u l t . The d o m i n a n t i ssue will be h o w c o l l e c t i v e s c a n b e c o m e pa r t o f h i s t o r y -- h o w t h e y c a n b e c o m e a social force. T h e r e is no g u a r a n t e e a n d w e s h o u l d p r o m i s e no e a s y v i c tories. The u n i q u e n e s s o f d e v e l o p i n g c o l l e c t i v e s is the d e f i n i t i v e b r e a k w i t h all h i e r a r c h i c forms o f o r g a n i z a tion and the r e c o n s t r u c t i n g of a c l a s s l e s s soci e t y . The t h i n k i n g o f radical o r g a n i z e r s is f r o z e n in the c o n c e p t of a m a s s m o v e m e n t . T h i s f o r m o f s t r u g g l e , no m a t ter h o w radical its d e m a n d s , n e v e r t h r e a t e n s the b a s i c s t r u c t u r e -- the m a s s itself. U n d e r t h e s e c i r c u m s t a n c e s it t akes g r e a t e f f o r t to im a g i n e n e w f o r m s o f e x i s t e n c e . S p a c e m u s t be c r e a t e d b e fore we can t h i n k o f t h e s e t h i n g s and be a b l e to e s t a b lish the l e g i t i m a c y o f a c t i n g u p o n them. The f o r m o f a c o l l e c t i v e is its p r a c t i c e . T h e c o l l e c t ive is o p p o s e d to the m a ss. It c o n t r a d i c t s the s t r u c t ure o f the m a ss. T h e c o l l e c t i v e is a n t i - m a s s .

ITE M # 7 S M A L L T O W N GAY G R O U P S C O M I N G O U T & C R E A T I N G R E G I O N A L A L L I A N C E S (A R E P O R T F R O M OR E G O N ) W i t h i n the p a s t ye a r small t owns t h r o u g h o u t O r e g o n hav e seen the e m e r g e n c e o f g a y s u p p o r t groups. S i n c e the e a r l y 17 0 ' s the l a r g e r c i t i e s , in the W i l l a m e t t e V a l l e y (such as P o r t l a n d , E u g e n e , Salem) have had v a r i o u s g a y o r g a n i z a t i o n s w o r k i n g a c t i v e l y at personal and p o l i t i cal s u p p o r t a n d a c t i o n . B i l l s ha v e com e and gon e b e f o r e the s t a t e l e g i s l a t u r e , u s u a l l y d y i n g in c o m m i t t e e . P o r t land has an a n t i - d i s c r i m i n a t i o n o r d i n a n c e in the are a o f c i t y e m p l o y m e n t . E u g e n e faces a r e f e r e n d u m in M a y 78 on a c o m p r e h e n s i v e c i t y o r d i n a n c e that was p a s s e d by the c i t y co u n c i l to g r a n t rig h t s to gays and e n d the d i s c r i m i n a t i o n in a r e a s of hous i n g , jobs and a c c o m o d a tions. Thi s is an i m p o r t a n t m o m e n t for all gay p e o p l e in the sta t e , the t h r e a t o f a n o t h e r Miami is s t i r r i n g the fires, ihe c o m i n g o u t o f gay g r o u p s in small towns t h r o u g h o u t the s t a t e is a sign o f the t imes a n d a t t i tudes. G a y f o lks a r e f e e l i n g the n eed, in the m i d s t o f r i g h t - w i n g h y s t e r i a & b i b l e - b e a t i n g , to b a n d t o g e t h e r and c r e a t e c o m m u n i t y . T h e s e a c t i o n s are b a s i c to the surv i v a l of g a y p e ople, in the c o n t e x t o f t h e s e times ana the locale. B e l o w afe a few g r o u p s th a t ha v e been r e c e n t l y o r g a n i z e d to w o r k w i t h i n t h e i r r e s p e c t i v e c o m m u n i t i e s . T h e y are als o pa r t o f a s t a t e - w i d e n e t w o r k tha t is b e i n g p u l l e d tog e t h e r , the O r e g o n G a y A l l i a n c e . T h e K l a m a t h Gay U n i o n is a n e w l y formed g r o u p in the tow n o f K l a m a t h F a lls (city p o p u l a t i o n 17,000; m e t r o p o p u l a t i o n a b o u t 3 5 ,000). The o r g a n i z a t i o n p r o v i d e s s u p p o r t and c o n s c i o u s n e s s r a i s i n g , plus social c o n t a c t . W e e k l y m e e t i n g s are o p e n to b o t h w o m e n a n d men. For m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n , cont a c t : K l a m a t h G a y U n i o n / 4 2 8 S. 9th S t r e e t / K l a m a t h F a lls OR 97601.

ITEM # 6 B E I N G A C C E P T E D IN A S M A L L T O W N (BY J O H N H A R T M A N / R A N G E L Y RT. BOX 9 / M E E K E R CO 816 4 1 ) Life is e a s i e r if w e a r e a c c e p t e d , to s o m e e x t e n t at least, by the p e o p l e w h o s u r r o u n d us. T h e r e f o r e it b e hoo v e s R F D e r s to gi v e so m e t h o u g h t a l o n g the line o f b e ing a c c e p t e d in small towns. A c c e p t a n c e in a c i t y is c o m p l e t e l y d i f f e r e n t f r o m a c c e p t a n c e in a small town. In the c i t y p e o p l e feel tha t t h e y will l i k e l y n e v e r see y o u a g a i n so w h a t d i f f e r e n c e doe s it m a k e w h o or w h a t y o u are. B u t in a small town y o u soon know, and are known by, n e a r l y e v e r y o n e and will s e e the sam e p e o p l e a g a i n and a g a i n t h r o u g h o u t the y e a r s . It f o l l o w s then that a c c e p t a n c e is on a m o r e p ersonal level. As r e s i d e n t s of a small town a r e o f t e n less i n f o r m e d a b o u t such thin g s as g a y l i f e s t y l e s t h e y are a p t to be m o r e s k e ptical o f it, as m o s t all p e o p l e will be o f a n y t h i n g new or d i f f e r e n t .

T h e G a y P e o p l e ' s A l l i a n c e of O r e g o n S t a t e U n i v e r s i t y is a n e w l y f o r m e d g a y g r o u p in the town o f C o r v a l l i s ( city p o p u l a t i o n 20 , 0 0 0 ; w i t h s t u d e n t s a b o u t 35,0 0 0 ) . A m o n g t h e i r a c t i v i t i e s is the s t a f f i n g o f a C o r v a l l i s area gay hotl i n e . T h e n u m b e r is 757 - 7 8 7 1 . Inner F r e e d o m is a g a y small c o m m u n i t y club. T h e y o f f i c i a l l y s t a r t e d o p e r a t i o n O c t o b e r 24 1977, w h e n th e y r e c e i v e d a n o n - p r o f i t s t a tus. I n n e r F r e e d o m is c e n t e r e d in B a k e r ( p o p u l a t i o n 1 0 , 0 0 0 ) , a v e r y r e d n e c k town. T h e y took q u i t e a c h a n c e in form i n g , b u t hav e f o u n d that it is n o t o n l y p o s s i b l e b u t has m a d e q u i t e a s u c c e s s . Th e y b o a s t a m e m b e r s h i p o f a b o u t 20. For m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n , c o n t a c t : I n n e r F r e e d o m / P . O . B o x 1 0 8 5 / B a k e r OR 97814.

ITEM # a

ITEM # 9

P R I O R I T Y OF L O C A L A C T I O N (FROM THE A N T I - MASS)

RFD A T THE C H U R C H (BY R I C H A R D P ASTEGA)

The c o l l e c t i v e gives p r i o r i t y to local action. It r e jects the mass p o l i t i c s o f the w h i t e n a t i o n a l i s t s and their national c o m m i t t e e s , o r g a n i z e r s and the s u p e r stars. D e f i n i t e l y , the c o l l e c t i v e is o u t of the m a i n s t r e a m and w h a t ’s m o r e it feels no regrets. The a i m of a c o l l e c t i v e is to feel new t h o u g n t s and a c t n e w ideas -- in a w o r d to c r e a t e its own space. A n d that, m o r e than any program, is w h a t is i n t o l e r a b l e to all the xerox r adicals trying to r e p r o d u c e t h e i r o w n images. The c o l l e c t i v e is the h i n d q u a r t e r s o f the r e v o l ution. It m a k e s no p r e t e n c e w h a t s o e v e r in r e g a r d to the role of vanguard. E x p e c t n o t h i n g from them. T h e y a r e not y o u r leaders. L e a v e t h e m alone. The c o l l e c t i v e knows it will be the last to e n t e r the new world. The d o u b t s peop l e hav e a b o u t local a c t i o n reveal how d e pe n d e n t they are on the g l a m o u r o f ma s s politics. E v e r y one w a n t s to p r o j e c t t h e m s e l v e s on the scre e n o f r e v o lution -- as Yi p p i e s o r W h i t e Panthers. H a v i n g i n t e r n a l ized the m ass, they ask t h e m s e l v e s q u e s t i o n s w h o s e a n swers s e e m logical in its c o n t e x t . H o w can we a c c o m p l i s h a n y t h i n g w i t h o u t ma s s a c t i o n ? If w e d o n ' t go to m e e t i n g s and d e m o n s t r a t i o n s , will we be fo r g o t t e n ? Who will take us s e r i o u s l y if w e d o n ' t join the rank and file? S l o w l y y o u r e a l i z e that y o u have b e c o m e a sp e c t a t o r , an object. Your p o l i t i c s take p lace on a stage a n d y o u r social r e l a t i o n s c o n s i s t o f s i t t i n g in an a u d i e n c e or m a r c h i n g in a crowd. The f r a g m e n t a t i o n o f y o u r e v e r y d a y e x p e r i e n c e c o n t r a s t s w i t h the s p e c t a c u l a r u n i t y o f the mass. By c o n t r a s t , the p r i o r i t y o f local act i o n is an a t t e m p t to un i f y e v e r y d a y life and f r a g m e n t the mass. This level of c o n s c i o u s n e s s is a r e s u l t of r e j e c t i n g the laws of mass b e h a v i o r b ased on L e n i n i s m and TV ideology. It m a k e s p o s s i b l e an e nema o f the b rain w h i c h e v e r y o n e so d e s p e r a t e l y needs. You will be r e l i e v e d to d i s c o v e r that you can crea t e a s i t u a t i o n by l o c a l i z i n g y o u r struggle.

O n c e upon a time, to b e g i n at the b e g i n n i n g , Candor, w h o had w o r k e d w i t h m e on B r e a k d o w n said he w o u l d like to do an issue of RFD on b e i n g gay in a small c o m m u n i t y and w o u l d like to do it at the Church. I w a s p l e a s e d at the p r o s p e c t of g e t t i n g invol v e d a g a i n in a p u b l i c a t i o n , w o r k i n g w i t h C a n dor, and all in m y e n v i r o n m e n t , the Church. One y e a r o f a n t i c i p a t i n g and b u i l d i n g e x p e c t a tions r e s u l t e d in e a r l y d i s a p p o i n t m e n t a t C a n d o r a n d Jai and m o s t o f all m y s e l f for not abl e to be t h e r e w h e n it came, a r r a n g i n g m y life to be o u t of the C h u r c h and o n ly p e r i f e r a l l y into RFD. The Church, w h i c h is a l s o a r e s i d e n c e a n d a c o m m u n i t y c e nter, b e c a m e the o f f i c e of R F D d u r i n g the m o n t h of Feb r u a r y , it was also the hom e o f the two W o l f C reek a n a r c h i s t s - c o l l e c t i v i s t s , and also the hom e of a n o t h e r gay man. B eing o n e o f t h r e e was d i f f i c u l t and I w a n t e d to e x p a n d the p a r t i c i p a t i o n , w h i c h is m y bent, and I felt m y s e l f to be too m u c h o n e o f the t h r e e i n s tead of 1/3 o f one. The e a r l y on d e c i s i o n s to f u n c t i o n w i t h o u t c e n t e r or focus m a d e it l a r g e l y u n s a f e for me to be there n o w . . . a n d the d i s t a n c e grew. Yet we did re a d the o f f e r i n g s o f p o e t r y and p r o s e and m a d e communal d e c i s ions o f w h a t ' s in and w h a t ' s o u t and w h o ' s in and w ho's out. The c o n t a c t w i t h the f r e q u e n t e r s o f the C h u r c h was a b r a s i v e , s u b s t a n t i a t i n g fears o f t r y i n g to put t o g e t h e r an issue in a p a r t y a t m o s p h e r e . As the w e e k s pass e d it s e e m e d to smo o t h out. The s c h i z oid d i l e m m a of b e i n g b e t w e e n so m u c h input of u n d i r e c t ed e n e r g y s w a m p i n g the p r ocess and the d read o f no one b e i n g i n t e r e s t e d e n o u g h to c o n t r i b u t e (time, energy, skills, a t t e n t i o n , LOVF) at times s e e m e d to poi s o n the r e l a t i o n s h i p s w h i c h are ta n g l e d e n o u g h w i t h o u t the m y s tery o f u n s o l v e d dileimas. W h a t cam e o u t is w h a t y o u have in y o u r hands now. It is the very b e s t e f f o r t o f t h o s e w h o m a d e it, at the time th e y m a d e it. M o r e than tha t w h a t can y o u say!

How can w e p r e v e n t local a c t i o n from b e c o m i n g p r o v i n cial? W h e t h e r or not it does so d e pends on o u r overall strategy. P r o v i n c i a l i s m is simp l y the c o n s e q u e n c e o f not k n o wing w h a t is h a ppening. A comm u n e , for e xample, is provincial b e c a u s e its s t r a t e g y is b ased on pe t t y f a r ming and the g l o r i f i c a t i o n of the e x t e n d e d family. Wha t they have is a s t r o l o g y , not a strategy. Local acti o n shou l d be b ased on the global s t r u c t u r e of m o d e r n society. T h e r e can be no c o l l e c t i v e a c t i o n w i t h o u t c o l l e c t i v e s . But the c r e a t i o n of a c o l l e c t i v e sho u l d not be m i s t a k e n for v i c t o r y nor s h o u l d it b e c o m e an end in itself. The g r e a t d a n g e r the c o l l e c t i v e faces h i s t o r i c a l l y is that o f be i n g cut o f f (or c u t t i n g i t s e l f off) fr o m tne o u t s i d e world. The issue u l t i m a t e l y will be w h a t a c t i o n to take and when. W h e t h e r c o l l e c t i v e s b e come a social force de p e n d s on t h eir a n a l y s i s o f h i s t o r y and t heir c o u r s e o f action. In fact, the "pr o v i n c e s " t oday are m o v i n g a head o f the ce n t e r s in political c o n s c i o u s n e s s and m o t i v a t i o n . F r o m M i n n e s o t a to the M e k o n g Delta the r e v o l t is g a i n i n g c o herence. The c e n t e r s are tryi n g to d e c i p h e r w h a t is h a p pening, to c a t c h up and c o n t a i n it. For this p u r p o s e they m u s t c r e a t e c e n t r a l i z e d forms o f o r g a n i z a t i o n -- or " c o o r d i n a t i o n " as the m o d e r n i s t s call it. The first p r i n c i p l e o f local a c t i o n is to d e n a t i o n a l i z e y o u r thinking. T a k e the c o u n t r y o u t of Salem. G e t o u t of

ITEM # 10 THE DR E A M OF UNITY (FROM THE A N T I - M A S S ) T h e p r i n c i p l e of u n i t y is b a s e d on the p r o p o s i t i o n that e v e r y o n e is a unit (a f r agment). U n i t y m e a n s 1 m u l t i p lied by itself. We are g o i n g to say it s t r a i g h t -- in so far as u n i t y has s u p p r e s s e d real political d i f f e r ences -- class, racial, sexual -- it is a form o f t y r anny. The d r e a m o f u n i t y is in r e a l i t y a n i g h t m a r e o f c o m p r o m i s e and s u p p r e s s e d desires. We are not equal and u n i t y p e r p e t u a t e s i nequality. ihe c o l l e c t i v e will be s u b j e c t c o n s t a n t l y to p r e s s u r e from o u t s i d e groups d e m a n d i n g s u p p o r t in o n e form or another. E v e r y o n e is a l w a y s in a crisis. G i v e n t hese c i r c u m s t a n c e s , a g r o u p can have tne i l l u s i o n o f b e i n g p e r m a n e n t l y m o b i l i z e d and a c t i v e w i t h o u t e v e r h a v i n g a p olitics o f its own. Calls for u n i t y channel the p o l i t ical e n e r g i e s o f c o l l e c t i v e s into support politics. So, as a p r e c a u t i o n , the c o l l e c t i v e m u s t take time to w o r k o u t its own polit i c s and plan of action. A b o v e a l l , it s h o u l d try to fo r e s e e cri s i s s i t u a t i o n s and t h e i r "renta crow d " mi l i t a n c y . You will be a c c u s e d o f f a c t i o n a l i s m . D o n ' t w a s t e time t h i n k i n g a b o u t this age old p roblem. A c o l l e c t i v e is n o t a faction. R e s p o n d i n g to P a v l o v ' s bell puts y o u in the p o s i t i o n o f a s a l i v a t i n g dog. T h e r e will be no end to y o u r h u n g e r w h e n who y o u are is d e t e r m i n e d by s o m e one else.

MavUvvewjh

country. B e c o m e c o n s c i o u s o f how y o u r life is m a n a g e d fro m the n ational c enters. L i f e s t y l e s are roles d e s i g n e d to give y o u the i l l u s i o n o f m o v e m e n t w h i l e k e e p i n g y o u in y o u r place. "Style is m a s s c h a s i n g class, and class e s c a p i n g m a s s . " ! Local a c t i o n g ives y o u the i n i t i a t i v e b y e n a b l i n g y o u to defi n e the situation. T h a t is the p r a c t i c e of k n o w ing y o u are the subject. M a r a t says: "The i m p o r t a n t t hing is to pull y o u r s e l f up by y o u r o w n hair, to turn y ourself inside o u t and see the w h o l e w o r l d w i t h fresh eyes . " The c o l l e c t i v e turns i t s e l f inside o u t and sees reality.

You will als o be a c c u s e d o f elit i s m . This is a t r i c k y b u s i n e s s and s h o u l d n o t be d i s m i s s e d lightly. A co l l e c -

1, W. Rauschenbush, "The Idiot God Fashion," Woman's Coming of Age, eds. Schmalhausen and Calverton, 1931.

tive m u s t f i r s t kn o w w h a t is m e a n t by e l i t i s m . I n s t e a d o f w o n d e r i n g w h e t h e r it r e f e r s to l e a d e r s h i p o r p e r s o n a l i t i e s , y o u s h o u l d f i r s t a n c h o r the i s s u e in a c l a s s c o n t e x t . K n o w w h e r e y o u r i deas c o m e f r o m a n d w h a t t h e i r r e l a t i o n is to the d o m i n a n t i d e o l o g y . You s h o u l d ask the s a m e q u e s t i o n s a b o u t t h o s e w h o m a k e the a c c u s a t i o n s . W h a t is t h e i r c l a s s b a c k g r o u n d and c l a ^ s i n t e r e s t ? So far m a n y p e o p l e h a v e r e a c t e d d e f e n s i v e l y to the c h a r g e o f e l i t i s m and, thus, h a v e a v o i d e d d e a l i n g w i t h the i s sue hea d on. T h a t in i t s e l f is a cl a s s rea c t i o n . The inter n a l is a m i r r o r o f the e x t e r n a l . T h e b e s t w a y to a v o i d b e h a v i n g like an e l i t e is to p r e v e n t the f o r m a t i o n o f e l i t i s m w i t h i n the c o l l e c t i v e itself. O t t e n w h e n c h a r g e s o f e l i t i s m a r e true, t h e y r e f l e c t the s a m e c lass r e l a t i o n s i n t e r n a l l y . T h e w a y s o f u n d e r m i n i n g the a u t o n o m y of a c o l l e c t i v e are m a n y a n d i n s i d i o u s . T h e call for u n i t y can no l o n g er be r e s p o n d e d to a u t o m a t i c a l l y . T h e tim e has c o m e to q u e s t i o n the m o t i v e s a n d e f f e c t i v e n e s s o f s u c h a c t i o n s -- and to feel g o o d (i.e. c o r r e c t ) in d o i n g so. J a r g o n is p i d g e o n tal k and is m e a n t to m a k e us feel s t u p i d a n d p o w e r l e s s . B e c a u s e c o l l e c t i v e a c t i o n is n o t o r g a n i z e d as a m a s s , it d o e s n o t h a v e to rel y on the call o f un i t y in o r d e r to act.

I a m f e e l i n g like I w a n t to l i v e in a small town again. I a m c o m m i t t e d to w o r k i n g for social c h a n g e in the P a c ific N o r t h w e s t g e n e r a l l y , a n d O r e g o n s p e c i f i c a l l y . This is the land I hav e b e e n c o n n e c t e d to s i n c e birt h . T h e s e are the p e o p l e I h a v e k n o w n for 24 y e a r s . I see small t owns as a p l a c e b e t w e e n the d e s e n s i t i z e d m e t r o - s u b u r b i a a n d the i s o l a t i o n o f rural a m e r i c a n a . A p l a c e w h e r e c o m m u n i t y is a t r a d i t i o n . A p l a c e w h e r e c e n t r a l i z e d a u t h o r i t y (f e d e r a l , a n d s t a t e to a d e g r e e ) is r e s ented. This f eeds into, a n d has h e l p e d to d e v e l o p my a n a r c h i s m . I see hop e here, a n d I feel at h o m e here. It has to do w i t h h e r i t a g e (the past), p o l i t i c s (the p r e s e n t ) , a n d s t r u g g l e (the futur e ) . O n e b u i l d s into the o t h e r , and I feel th a t h e r e is w h e r e it h a s / i s / w i l l be c e n t e r e d . This is the s t r u g g l e I a m c o m m i t t e d to.

ITEM # 12 THE F U N C T I O N OF A N A L Y S I S ( F R O M THE A N T I - M A S S )

G R O W I N G UP Q U E E R IN A S M A L L T O W N (BY JAI ELLI O T T )

N o t o n l y c a n t h e r e be no r e v o l u t i o n w i t h o u t r e v o l u t i o n a r y th e o r y , t h e r e can be no s t r a t e g y w i t h o u t an a n a l y s is. S t r a t e g y is k n o w i n g a h e a d of tim e w h a t you a r e g o ing to do. This is w h a t a n a l y s i s m a k e s p o s s i b l e . W h e n y o u b e g i n , y o u m a y n o t k n o w a n y t h i n g . T h e p u r p o s e of a n a l y s i s is n o t to k n o w e v e r y t h i n g , b u t to k n o w w h a t y o u do k n o w a n d k n o w it goo d -- th a t is c o l l e c t i v e l y . The h e a r t o f t h i n k i n g a n a l y t i c a l l y is to l e a r n o v e r and o v e r a g a i n t h a t the p r o c e s s is as i m p o r t a n t as the p r o duct. D e v e l o p i n g an a n a l y s i s r e q u i r e s n e w w a y s o f t h i n k ing. W i t h o u t n e w w a y s o f t h i n k i n g w e a r e d o o m e d to o l d w a y s o f a c ting. T h e q u e s t i o n o f w h a t a r e w e g o i n g to do is the h a r d e s t to a n s w e r and the o n e tha t will u l t i m a t e l y d e t e r m i n e w h e t h e r a c o l l e c t i v e will c o n t i n u e to exist. The d i f f i c u l t y of the q u e s t i o n m a k e s a n a l y s i s all the m o r e n e c e s sary. We can no l o n g e r a f f o r d to be p r o p e l l e d by the c r u d e s t f orms o f a d v e r t i s e m e n t -- s l o g a n s a n d r h e t o r i c . T he f u n c t i o n o f a n a l y s i s is to reveal a plan o f ac t i o n .

I ’ve l i v e d in O r e g o n all b u t 3 y e a r s o f m y life. I g r e w up a m i d s t j u n i p e r trees a n d a d e e p s e n s e o f p i o n e e r f a m ily h i s t o r y (I a m f o u r t h g e n e r a t i o n O r e g o n i a n ) . But m o s t i m p o r t a n t , I'v e g r o w n u p q u e e r in small towns. I was a s i s s y as a kid, m y g r a n d m o t h e r ' s f a v o r i t e , m y f a t h e r ' s e m b a r a s s m e n t . W h e n I loo k b a c k a t m y c h i l d h o o d I see all s o r t s of w a y s tha t I c a n a n a l y z e it. I r e a l ize n o w th a t I a c c e p t e d so m u c h o f w h a t h a p p e n e d to me as a natural u n f o l d i n g o f m y life, a l t h o u g h I w a s " d i f f e rent". T h e r e w a s n ' t a n y use t r y i n g to hol d m y w a y s up ne x t to s o m e o n e , a n y o n e e l s e ' s . . . t h e y n e v e r m a t c h e d . But s o m e h o w I e s c a p e d f e e l i n g the b u r d e n of guilt. I kne w tha t m y s e x u a l i t y f e l t n a t u r a l . I k n e w t h a t it was n a tural. So it too k a lo n g tim e to r e c o n c i l e : p e r v e r t e d , dirty, sick, e vil, H o m o s e x u a l . I d i d n ' t feel h o w the text- and " s e x u a l i t y for teen s " b o o k s told me H o m o s e x uals felt. A g a i n , I fe l t " d i f f e r e n t " . A n d alone. M y d e v e l o p m e n t ( s e x u a l l y , p o l i t i c a l l y and s p i r i t u a l l y ) was not u n i q u e o r s p e c i a l , I am sure. L o o k i n g b a c k on it all I see t h a t t h e r e a r e m a n y sc a r s to be healed. I hav e tr i e d to r e c o n c i l e : 1. my h o m o s e x u a l a c t i v i t y w i t h b e i n g a " H o m o s e x u a l " . 2. not t r u s t i n g m e n s e x u a l l y o r e m o t i o n a l l y . 3. c o m i n g o u t in a d i f f i c u l t s i t u a t i o n . 4. d e v e l o p i n g a s e x u a l / p o l i t i c a l / s p i r i t u a l self. 5. w o r k i n g a g a i n s t the a l i e n a t i o n o f o u r ; s i c k , a u t h o r i t a r i a n soci e t y . 6. c r e a t i n g a lo v i n g , f a g g o t c u l t u r e in an o c e a n o f fea r and hate. T h e s e are n o t e a s y , n o r c o m p l e t e d (with e x c e p t i o n to the fi r s t o n e ) , by a n y m e a n s . T h e y a r e p r o c e s s e s I a m still i n v o l v e d in and d e v o t e d to. B u t th e y h a v e c h a n g e d in c o n t e x t to the p l a c e s w h e r e I h a v e lived. F r o m small towns, to a small u n i v e r s i t y c i t y , to the c o u n t r y , and now w h e r e ?

W h y is t h e r e r e l a t i v e l y l i t t l e p r a c tical a n a l y s i s o f w h a t is h a p p e n i n g t o d a y ? Som e p e o p l e r e f u s e to a n a l y z e a n y t h i n g w h i c h the y c a n n o t i m m e d i a t e l y c o m p r e h e n d . B a s i c a l l y t h e y h a v e a f e e l i n g o f i n a d e q u a c y . Th i s is p a r t ly b e c a u s e the y have n e v e r had the o p p o r t u n i t y to do it b e f o r e and, t h e r e f o r e , d o n ' t kno w t h e y ' r e c a p a b l e o f it. On the o t h e r hand, m a n y a c t i v i s t s put d o w n a n a l y s i s as b e i n g " i n t e l l e c t u a l " -- w h i c h is m o r e a c o m m e n t a r y on t h e i r o w n ki n d o f t h i n k i n g than a n y o n e else. F i n a l l y , t here a r e t h o s e w h o feel no n e e d to t h i n k and b e c o m e v e r y u n c o m f o r t a b l e w h e n s o m e b o d y does w a n t to. Th i s o f ten r e f l e c t s t h e i r cl a s s d i s p o s i t i o n . T h e general c o n s t i p a t i o n o f the m o v e m e n t is a p r o d u c t o f all these forces. One r e a s o n for this sad s t a t e o f a f f a i r s is t h a t a n a l y s i s g i v e s so l i t t l e s a t i s f a c t i o n . Th i s is a n o t h e r w a y o f s a y i n g tha t it is n o t p r a c t i c a l . W h a t has h a p p e n e d to all t h i n k i n g can b e s t be s e e n in the d e g e n e r a t i o n o f c l a s s a n a l y s i s into s t e r e o t y p e d , o b e s e d e f i n i t i o n s . T h e r e is l i t t l e d i f f e r e n c e b e t w e e n the t h e o r y - m o n g e r s o f hig h a b s t r a c t i o n and the s l o g a n e e r s of c r u d e a b s t r a c t i o n . T h e o r y is b e c o m i n g the d i a l e c t o f ro b o t s , a n d s l o g a n s the m a s s p r o d u c t i o n of the m ind. B u t j u s t b e c a u s e ideas hav e b e c o m e so m e c h a n i c a l does n o t m e a n w e s h o u l d a b a n don t h ought. M o s t p e o p l e a r e n o t w i l l i n g to face the f a c t tha t they a r e l i v i n g in a s o c i e t y t h a t has y e t to b e e x p l a i n e d . A n y a t t e m p t to p r o b e t h o s e a r e a s w h i c h a r e u n f a m i l i a r is m e t w i t h a general fear or h o s t i l i t y . P e o p l e s e e m a f r a i d to look at t h e m s e l v e s a n a l y t i c a l l y . P a r t o f the p r o b l e m of n o t k n o w i n g w h a t to do r e v e a l s i t s e l f in o u r not k n o w i n g w h o w e are. T h e m o t i v a t i o n to look at y o u r s e l f c r i t i c a l l y and to e x p l a i n s o c i e t y c o m e s f r o m the d e s i r e to c h a n g e both. The h e a r t o f the p r o b l e m is t h a t w e do not c o n c r e t e l y i m a g i n e w i n n i n g , e x c e p t p e r h a p s , by a c ci d e n t .

Does one divide into two" or "two fuse into one?" This question is a subject of debate in China and now here. This debate is a struggle between two conceptions of the world. One believes in strugglet the other in unity. The two sides have drawn a clear line between them a>id their argwrients are diametrically opposed. Thus you can see why one divides into two. Tree translation from The Red Flag Peking, September 21 196k

ITEM if 11

ITEM f? 14

A n a l y s i s is the a r m i n g o f the brai n . W e ' r e b e i n g s t i f l e d by t hose w h o tell us a n a l y s i s is i n t e l l e c t u a l w h e n in r e a l i t y it is a tool o f the i m a g i n a t i o n . J u s t as y o u c a n ' t t o l e r a t e I n t e l l e c t u a l i s m , so y o u c a n n o t a c t from raw a n g e r -- not if y o u w a n t to win. You m u s t t e a c h y o u r s t o m a c h h o w to think a n d y o u r b r a i n h o w to feel. A n a l y s is s h o u l d h e l p us to e x p r e s s a n g e r i n t e l l i g e n t l y . L e a r n ing to think, i.e. a n a l y s i s , is the f i r s t s t e p tow a r d conscious activity. No d o u b t y o u feel y o u r s e l f t i g h t e n i n g up b e c a u s e y o u think it s o u n d s heavy. R e a l l y , the p r o b l e m is tha t y o u think m u c h b i g g e r than y o u act. Be m o d e s t . S t a r t w i t h w h a t y o u a l r e a d y k n o w a n d w a n t to k n o w m o r e about. A n a l y s i s b e g i n s w i t h w h a t i n t e r e s t s you. P o l i t i c a l t h i n k ing s h o u l d be p a r t o f e v e r y d a y life, not a c l a s s p r i v ilege. To be p r a c t i c a l a n a l y s i s m u s t g i v e y o u an u n d e r s t a n d i n g of w h a t to do and h o w to do it. T h i n k i n g s h o u l d h e l p to d i s t i n g u i s h b e t w e e n w h a t is i m p o r t a n t and w h a t is not. It s h o u l d b r e a k d o w n c o m p l e x forces so th a t w e c a n u n d e r s t a n d them. B r e a k e v e r y t h i n g down. In the p r o c e s s o f a n a l y z i n g s o m e t h i n g y o u d i s c o v e r that t h e r e a r e d i f f e r e n t w a y s o f a c t i n g w h i c h w e r e not a p p a r e n t w h e n y o u began. This is the p l e a s u r e o f a n a l ysis. To i n v e s t i g a t e a p r o b l e m is to b e g i n to s o l v e it.

STAFF STATEMENT C a n d o r and Jai p a c k e d up all the n e c e s s a r y s u p p l i e s and took o f f f o r K l a m a t h F a l l s on the f o u r t h o f F e b r u a r y . T h e y a r r i v e d at the c h u r c h full o f e n t h u s i a s m and a p p r e h e n s i o n . The f i r s t full d a y there, the s a n c t u a r y was r e - o r g a n i z e d into a w o r k s p a c e w i t h l a y o u t ta b l e s , t y p ing table, etc. Th e n c a m e the m e e t i n g s . C a n d o r , R i c h a r d a n d Jai m e t a n d d e c i d e d to try c i r c l e - f a s h i o n p r o c e s s to e x p e d i t e the b u s i n e s s at hand. C i r c l e s w e r e he l d to talk, i n i t i a l l y , a b o u t w h a t R F D n e e d e d a n d e x p e c t e d , as well as w h a t ea c h o f us n e e d e d and e x p e c t e d , and als o w h a t the c o m m u n i t y a r o u n d the c h u r c h n e e d e d a n d w a n t e d . T h e c h u r c h is a c o m m u n i t y c e n t e r for m a n y f olks in K l a m ath Falls. It d o e s n ' t l i m i t i t s e l f to o n l y gay p e ople, b u t i n c l u d e s a h i s t o r y a n d e x t e n d e d f a m i l y of a b o u t f i v e y e a r s w o r t h . T h e r e w a s m u c h a n x i e t y a r o u n d h o w we w o u l d w o r k w i t h i n such a c o m m u n i t y c e n t e r , a n d h o w that c o m m u n i t y w o u l d r e l a t e t o / w i t h us. W h e n w e a r r i v e d , o n ly R i c h a r d w a s a t the c h u r c h . T h e o t h e r h o u s e h o l d m e m ber, L a r r y , w a s in San F r a n c i s c o and d i d n ' t a r r i v e bac k until a f e w days later. W h e n he did w e had a h o u s e c i r c l e w h e r e fears w e r e p u t o u t in an e x p l o s i v e way. It to o k a w h i l e to b r i n g tha t o n e d o w n to e a r t h , b u t the feelings between Candor and Larry w e r e resolved between them, a n d a t e n a t i v e s c h e d u l e o f c h o r e s ( c o o k i n g , c i r c l e s , w o r k ) w a s v a g u e l y s k e t c h e d out. The f i r s t K l a m a t h G a y U n i o n a f t e r o u r a r r ival w a s a n o t h e r l a n d m a r k , as w e f r o m W o l f C r e e k s a w w h a t was h a p p e n i n g on t h e i r sce n e , and w e w e r e a b l e to p u t o u t to the c o m m u n i t y w h a t w a s h a p p e n i n g on ours. T h e b i g g e s t d i s c u s s i o n s th a t n i g h t w e r e a r o u n d a y o u n g m a n w h o was in jail for a l l e g e d c h i l d m o l e s t a t i o n , a n d C a n d o r ' s p l a n n i n g to c o n t a c t the local news m e d i a for i n t e r v i e w s . T h e r e w a s l i m i t e d s u p p o r t for l o o k i n g into the j a i l e d man, as no o n e k n e w h i m or d e t a i l s a r o u n d him. A n d som e p e o p l e f e l t t h r e a t e n e d by C a n d o r ' s w a n t i n g to do som e c o n s c i o u s n e s s - r a i s i n g via the m e d i a . T h e m a n in jail w a s r e l e a s e d on w o r k r e l e a s e in P o r t l a n d , b e c a u s e o f the i n t e r e s t s h o w n by the l i m i t e d n u m b e r o f p e o p l e w h o l o o k ed into his ca s e a n d c a r e d (both f r o m K l a m a t h & P o r t land. C a n d o r w a s i n t e r v i e w e d on the local t e l e v i s i o n , as well as the local n e w s p a p e r . (The TV m a n e v e n cam e to the c h u r c h on the l a s t S u n d a y o f o u r s t a y to f i l m us at w o r k ! ) A f t e r th a t f i r s t m e e t i n g o u r i n v o l v e m e n t w i t h KGU was l i m i t e d , a l t h o u g h w e g o t to k n o w i n d i v i d u a l s and g o t to w o r k w i t h som e o f t h e m as w e l l . W h e n C a n d o r and Jai a r r i v e d , th e r e w a s still no c o m m i t m e n t f r o m a n y o n e el s e o t h e r than R i c h a r d a r o u n d actual w o r k (typ i n g , c o n t r i b u t i o n s , p a s t e - u p , etc.). A n d then R i c h a r d , w h o was w o r k i n g a t his m o t h e r ' s m a r k e t , f o u n d it h a r d to keep up a d a y by day c o m m i t m e n t to the w o r k . W e had o n e very go o d c i r c l e w h i c h i n v o l v e d o t h e r m e n in the c o m m u n i t y . It was held on a S u n d a y m o r n i n g , and w o r k w a s by then well u n d e r way. C a n d o r and Jai w e r e d o i n g all o f the t y p i n g a n d l a y o u t a t tha t point. O u t o f this c i r c l e we f o u n d g r e a t e r i n t e r e s t in the w o r k a n d p r o c e s s , and since that point we got more involvement from some of the m e n . G r e g c o n t r i b u t e d a f e w poe m s , J a m e s s o m e o f his g r a p h i c s . Ron h e l p e d us so m u c h w i t h the t y p ing, as did G r e g f r o m E u g e n e ( here for five days o f h e l p i n g ) , and Ric k a n d C a n d o r . W i t h this help, Jai g o t a w a y w i t h a m i n i m u m o f typing. We had h e l p f r o m a n o t h e r G r e g , and f r o m B ill, in the p r o o f i n g . T h i s h e l p w a s i n v a l u a b l e to us, as two o r t h r e e p e o p l e can b u r n o u t so e a s i l y on suc h a proje c t . O u r e x p e c t a t i o n s had b e e n for m o r e p e o ple w i t h m o r e c o n s i s t a n t c o m m i t m e n t s , b u t w h a t a c t u a l l y h a p p e n e d ( l o o s e r c o m m i t m e n t s , as m o s t o f the p e o p l e hold d o w n r e g u l a r jobs d u r i n g the day) w o r k e d o u t w e l l . W h i l e in K l a m a t h Fal l s , all s o r t s o f h e a v y trips o c c u r e d in the c o m m u n i t y . O n e m a n f r e a k e d o u t a n d s p e n t a few days in a g r o u p m e n t a l h e a l t h rehab, s e c t i o n o f the h o s pita l , b e f o r e m o v i n g o u t o f town. A n o t h e r m a n w a s a r r e s t e d f o r s u p p o s e d l y b r e a k i n g c h i l d m o l e s t a t i o n parole. A n d a n o t h e r los t his C E T A job for o b s c u r e d r e a s o n s . All of this a f f e c t e d o u r w o r k a n d p r o g r e s s . It w a s i m p o s s i b -

ITEM # 13 UNTITLED (BY J A M E S

)

A f t e r a p e r i o d o f time and t h r o u g h c h a n g i n g f a m i l y c i r c u m s t a n c e s , I f o u n d m y s e l f a g a i n ba c k in m y o l d h o m e town. I had so m e d o u b t a b o u t r e t u r n i n g , I still h a v e a few "If o n l y if's" left. The town i t s e l f is c h a n g i n g ; it is n o t so small a n y m o r e , b u t m a n y v a l u e s a r e the same. It is still p r o v i n c i a l ; I am not. It s e e m s as if the pivotal e x p e r i e n c e s in m y lif e tha t have g i v e n me c o n f i d e n c e in m y e m o t i o n a l a n d in m y g a y s e l v e s h a v e o c c u r e d in u r b a n set t i n g s . In m y life today, I hav e t a k e n t h e s e u r b a n , e d u c a t i n g e x p e r i e n c e s back w i t h m e to the town in w h i c h I live. I feel th a t an i m p o r t a n t goal in l i v i n g in a n y e n v i r o n m e n t is the c r e a tion o f a s e n s e o f c o m m u n i t y w h e r e e v e r o n e lives. It is ok for gay p e o p l e to live in the r e l a t i v e i s o l a t i o n of the c o u n t r y ; it is not ok for gay p e o p l e to feel i s o lated w h e r e e v e r the y live. No one s h o u l d be i s o l a t e d u n l e s s it is by ch o i c e . We, as g a y p e o p l e -- lik e e v e r y o n e -- nee d love, s u p p o r t , a s e n s e o f o u r o w n w o r t h and of a h i g h e r s p i r i t u a l i t y if w e a r e to feel w h o l e a n d i n tegr a t e d w i t h o u r lives and w i t h o u r u n i v e r s e . T h e m o s t d i f f i c u l t par t o f l i v i n g in small c o m m u n i t i e s as a gay p e r s o n is the i s o l a t i o n . If w e can b r e a k t h r o u g h the is o l a t i o n and e d u c a t e o u r s e l v e s (and e v e n t u a l l y o u r s t r a i g h t b r o t h e r s and s i s t e r s ) to o u r o w n r i g h t n e s s to be w h o we are, then w e can be w h o w e a r e and g e t on w i t h o u r lives. But w e m u s t be s u p p o r t i v e a n d l o v i n g to o u r o w n as well as to o t h e r s ; w e m u s t s t o p f e e l i n g g u i l ty.

le to i g n o r e the c h a o s a r o u n d us. O u t o f t n e s e a n d otheroccurences came questions of community, unity and pol itical a l l i a n c e s . A l s o the q u e s t i o n o f c h i l d m o l e s t a

T h e r e are a t l east t h r e e w a y s o f d e a l i n g w i t h a s i t u a tion. You can n e u t r a l i z e , a c t i v a t e o r d e s t r o y . N e u t r a l ize is to c r e a t e space. A c t i v a t e is to ga i n s upport. D e s t r o y is to win. W h a t ' s m o r e , it is e s s e n t i a l to le a r n h o w to use all th r e e s i m u l t a n e o u s l y . The e x i s t e n c e of c o r p o r a t e l i b e r a l i s m d e m a n d s t h a t w e n o t be s l o p p y in o u r o w n t h i n k i n g a n d r e s p o n s e . The s t r e n g t h o f its p o s i t i o n is that it f o r c e s us to a c k n o w l e d g e o u r o w n w e a k n e s s e s -- e v e n b e f o r e w e e n g a g e in s t r u g g l e a g a i n s t it. The w o r s t m i s t a k e is to p r e tend that this enen\y does not exist. Urban struggle requires a subversive strategy. C o n c r e t ely, w o r k i n g " w i t h i n the s y s t e m " s h o u l d b e c o m e for us a s o u r c e o f m o n e y , i n f o r m a t i o n and a n o n y m i t y . Th i s is w h a t M a o m e a n s w h e n he says, " Move at n i g h t . " T h e r o u t i n e o f d a i l y life is n i g h t - t i m e f o r the e n e m y -- w h e n t h e y c a n n o t see us. The p r o c e s s o f c o o p t a t i o n s h o u l d b e c o m e an i n c r e a s i n g l y d i s q u i e t i n g e x e r c i s e for them.

tion ( t h e i r w o r d & c o n c e p t ) s u r f a c e d q u i t e a few times. We feel that t h e s e a r e i m p o r t a n t q u e s t i o n s to be a s k ing of o u r s e l v e s at this time. O u r f e e l i n g s a r o u n d th e n are ver y i n v o l v e d . We nee d to r e t h i n k the o l d ideas w e have p r e v i o u s l y be e n c o n d i t i o n e d to a c c ept. We n e e d a n e w a n a l y s i s o f t h e s e a n d o t h e r q u e s t i o n s that face us as the general g a v c o m m u n i t y . But n o t all w a s c r i s i s o r i e n t e d . We a l s o had the c h a n c e to e x c h a n g e c u l t u r e and i n f o r m a t i o n w i t h the c o m m u n i t y . C a n d o r and Jai b r o u g h t The A n t i - M a s s f r o m W o l f Creek, and then o r d e r e d m o r e c o p i e s so t h a t the y m i g h t be p a s sed a r o u n d the c o m m u n i t y . C o l l e c t i v i t y is n e w to a lot of p e o p l e h ere, a n d this b o o k l e t is a g r e a t o n e for t h e o r y o f o r g a n i z a t i o n . So g r e a t that w e d e c i d e d to i n c l u d e f a v o r i t e and a p p r o p r i a t e parts in the Small T o w n Items s e c t i o n . C a n d o r and Jai a l s o s t a g e d a c u l t u r e night, P o e t r y & M o t i o n , in w h i c h Jai read p o e t r y a n d C a n d o r d a n ced. All o f the w o r k tha t w a s d o n e , f r o m the p r o d u c t i o n , the c i r c l e s , the cult u r a l e v e n t , the d i s c u s s i o n s , the h a s sles, a n d the joys, all a r e p a r t o f the w o r k t h a t is i m p o r t a n t to f a g g o t s in small tow n s , as well as t hose in the c i t i e s and in the c o u n t r y . All a r e p a r t o f the m a g i c k and s t r a t e g y th a t w e a r e d e v e l o p i n g and m u s t c o n t i n u e to d e v e l o p e , if w e a r e to s u r v i v e and i n f l u e n c e o u r o w n f u t u r e s . All a r e p a r t o f the p r o c e s s that is so i m p o r t a n t if w e a r e g o i n g to win. A n d the p r o c e s s w e all w e n t t h r o u g h is as i m p o r t a n t as the p r o d u c t o f that p r o c e s s , w h i c h y o u n o w ho l d in y o u r hands.

E x p l o i t i n g s p l i t s w i t h i n the e n e m y c a m p do e s n o t m e a n h e l p i n g o n e s e g m e n t d e f e a t a n o t h e r . The b a s i c a i m is tc m a i n t a i n the splits. T h e r e are s i g n i f i c a n t d i f f e r e n c e s a m o n g the o p p r e s s o r s . T h e s e have the e f f e c t o f w e a k e n i n g them. U n d e r c e r t a i n c i r c u m s t a n c e s t h e s e s p l i t s m a y p ro-~ v i d e a m a r g i n o f m a n u e v e r a b i 1 ity w h i c h m a y be s t r a t e g i c for us. T h e m a i n t h i n g is not to v i e w the e n e m y rnonol i t h i c a l l y . M o n o l i t h i c t h i n k i n g c o n d e m n s y o u to o n e w a y o f thi n k i n g . T h e r e is a t e n d e n c y to see the m o s t d e g e n e r a t e fo r m s o f r e a c t i o n as the p r i m a r y energy. The c o r p o r a t i o n s a r e c o n s c i o u s l y p a n d e r i n g to su c h ideas t h r o u g h films like Easy Rider w h i c h a l s o a t t e m p t s to i d e n t i f y w i t h y o u n g m a l e s . T h e f u n c t i o n o f a n a l y s i s is to b r e a k d o w n and s p e c i f y the d i f f e r e n t forc e s w i t h i n the e n e m y camp. A l w a y s k e e p p a r t o f y o u r s t r a t e g y u n d e r g r o u n d . J u s t as a n a l y s i s h e l p s to d i f f e r e n t i a t e the e n e m y so it s h o u l d p r o v i d e y o u w i t h d i f f e r e n t levels of at t a c k . M a o says: " F l e x i b i l i t y is a c o n c r e t e e x p r e s s i o n o f i n i t i a t i v e . " Going underground should not mean dropping heroically o u t o f sight. T h e r e will be few pla c e s to hi d e in the e l e c t r o n i c e n v i r o n m e n t o f the future. The m o s t d a n g e r ous kind o f u n d e r g r o u n d will be o n e th a t is li k e an iceb e r g . T h e r o les c r e a t e d to r e p l a c e o u r i d e n t i t i e s in e v e r y d a y life m u s t b e c o m e the d i s g u i s e o f the u n d e r ground. An u n d e r g r o u n d s t r a t e g y puts the i m p u l s e o f c o n f r o n t a tion into p e r s p e c t i v e . We m u s t f ight a g a i n s t the p l a n ned o b s o l e s c e n c e o f c o n f r o n t a t i o n s w h i c h lock us into the t i m e - s p a n o f i n s t a n t r e v o l u t i o n . G o i n g u n d e r g r o u n d m e a n s h a v i n g a l o n g - r a n g e s t r a t e g y -- s o m e t h i n g w h i c h p l a n s for 1985. T h e i c e b e r g s t r a t e g y keeps us cool. It t r a i n s us to control o u r r e f l e x e s and to c a l c u l a t e o u r responses. The u n d e r g r o u n d s t r a t e g y is a l s o n e c e s s a r y to m a i n t a i n a u t o n o m y . A u t o n o m y p r e s e r v e s the o r g a n i z a t i o n a l f o r m o f the c o l l e c t i v e w h i c h is c ritical to the s h a r p e n i n g o f its p o l i t i c s . N o t h i n g will be a c h i e v e d by s u b m e r g i n g o u r s e l v e s in a c h a o s o f r e v o l u t i o n a r y fronts. T h e p r i n cipal s t r a t e g y o f the c o u n t e r f e i t L e f t will be to s m e a r o v e r the d i f f e r e n c e s w i t h a p p e a l s to a c l a s s u n i t y tha t no l o n g e r e x i sts. An u n d e r g r o u n d s t r a t e g y w i t h o u t a r e v o l u t i o n a r y for o f o r g a n i z a t i o n c a n o n l y e m e r g e as a n e w c l a s s s o c i e t y . To d e s t r o y the s y s t e m o f o p p r e s s i o n is n o t e n o u g h . We m u s t c r e a t e the o r g a n i z a t i o n of a free s o c i e t y . W h e n the u n d e r g r o u n d e m e r g e s , the c o l l e c t i v e s will be that society.

ITEM # 15 S T R U G G L E ON M A N Y L E V E L S (F R O M THE A N T I - M A S S ) S t r u g g l e has m a n y faces. B u t no two faces look alike. Lik e the c u b i s t s , w e m u s t lo o k at t h i n g s f r o m m a n y sides. The p r o b l e m is to fi n d w a y s o f c r e a t i n g sp a c e for o u r s e l v e s . T h e t e n d e n c y n o w is t o w a r d a t w o - s i d e d ness w h i c h is e m b e d d e d in e v e r y a s p e c t o f o u r lives. O u r l a n g u a g e poses q u e s t i o n s b y m a k i n g us c h o o s e b e t ween o p p o s i t e s . T h e i m p e r i a l i s t c r e a t e s the a n t i - i m p e r i a l i s t . B e f o r e "cool" th e r e w a s h o t a n d cold. "Cool" was the fi r s t a t t e m p t to b r e a k o u t o f the t w o - s i d e d n e s s . T w o - s i d e d n e s s a l w a y s m i n i m i z e s the d i m e n s i o n s o f s t r u g gle by n a r r o w l y d e f i n i n g the s i t u a t i o n . We end up w i t h a o n e d i m e n s i o n a l v i e w of the e n e m y and of o u r s e l v e s . L e a r n to be sh r e w d . O u r f i r s t i m p u l s e is a l w a y s to d e fine our p o s i t i o n . W h y do w e feel the n e e d to tell them? We c r e a t e s p a c e by n o t a p p e a r i n g to be w h a t w e r e a l l y are. S h r e w d n e s s is n o t s i m p l y a d e f e n s i v e tactic. The e s s ence of s h r e w d n e s s is l e a r n i n g to tak e a d v a n t a g e o f the e n e m y ' s w e a k n e s s e s . O t h e r w i s e y o u c a n n e v e r win. The rule is: be h o n e s t a m o n g y o u r s e l v e s , b u t d e c e i v e the enemy.

K l a m a t h F a l l s no. l

WHY ylM*

I LEFT K l a m a t h F alls is p e r h a p s a m e d i u m s i z e d tow n o f aro u n d 1 7 , 0 0 0 p e ople. It is iso l a t e d . S u r r o u n d e d by m o u n t ains a n d d e s e r t r a n g e land. In c o n s c i o u s n e s s K l a m a t h F alls is a small town. T h e r e is a s t r o n g s e n s e o f p r o v i n c i a l i s m . P e o p l e ' s e s t i m a t e s as to h o w f a r K l a m a t h F alls is b e h i n d the t imes r a n g e f r o m 10 to 50 y e a r s . The m a s c u l i n i t y level is v e r y hig h and K l a m a t h F alls has a r e p u t a t i o n for b e i n g a b a d - a s s e d town (a l a r g e p o r t i o n o f the m a l e p o p u l a t i o n d r i v e s big h o n c h o p i c k up t r u c k s w i t h gun r acks in the r e a r w i n d o w s ) . K l a m a t h F a l l s is a h a r d p l a c e to be if y o u ' r e queer. W h e n I l e f t this p l a c e in 1966, I f e l t like the o n l y fag in town. Y e a r s l a t e r I f o u n d o u t t h e r e w e r e ot h e r s . The n a t u r e a n d a m o u n t o f o p p r e s s i o n he r e j u s t m a k e s it m o r e n e c e s s a r y to be h i d d e n , a n d h i d d e n w e are, eve n f r o m eac h oth e r . T o b r e a k n\y i s o l a t i o n I g r a v i t a t e d t o w a r d the c i t i e s like m a n y b e f o r e me. In the c i t y ( m o s t ly P o r t l a n d , O re.) I f o u n d a gay c o m m u n i t y I c o u l d n o t fi n d in K l a m a t h Falls. I w a s a b l e to e x p l o r e m y s e x u a l ity, a n d I w a s a b l e to c o m e o u t p e r s o n a l l y and p o l i t i c a l l y w i t h the s u p p o r t o f o t h e r s li k e me. B u t e v e n in the c i t y , f i n d i n g m y g a y i d e n t i t y w a s n o t easy. A b o u t six y e a r s a f t e r I l e f t K l a m a t h F a lls for c o l lege, I r e t u r n e d for a s u m m e r job. I w a s a p o s t l i b e r a t i o n g a y b a b y w i t h a p o s i t i v e s e l f - i m a g e . 1 had be e n a b l e to be r e a l l y o u t in the c i t y a n d I w a s n ' t ab o u t to go in, o r at l e a s t I t h o u g h t . . . It w a s n ' t long b e f o r e I b e g a n to r e a l i z e t h a t K l a m a t h F a l l s w a s n o t P o r t l a n d , no m a t t e r h o w har d I tri e d . T h e r e w a s no gay c o m m u n i t y for m e to r e l a t e to and r e l a t i n g to the s t r a i g h t s in K l a m a t h Fa l l s w a s b e g i n n i n g to w e a r on m y "gay a n d pro u d " s e l f - i m a g e . In the c i t y I had s c r u p u l o u s l y a v o i d e d the gay h a t e I n o w f o u n d i m p o s s i b l e to

A t a g e s e v e n t e e n I had n e v e r k i s s e d a ma n , b u t I kn e w that I w a s gay. I knew. It w a s this k n o w l e d g e tha t fi r s t led m e to l e a v e K l a m a t h F a l l s , m y h o m e t o w n . S e n i o r in hi g h school. Boy, it w a s a har d y e ar. I f e l t ve r y o u t of place, a l i e n a t e d , not a b l e to m e e t the m a s c u l i n e e x p e c t a t i o n s f o r c e d u p o n me. O n e d a y I left h o m e w i t h o u t a word. Had m y ba g s pa c k e d , had m y p a r e n t s c r e d i t card, a n d the nee d to fly. My t i c k e t w a s a Li f e m a g a z i n e e x pose' of "The G a y W o r l d " . T h e a r t i c l e e x p l o r e d the h i d den w o r l d of the h o m o s e x u a l , and it a l s o p r o v i d e d me w i t h the i n f o r m a t i o n I n e e d e d to b e g i n m y s e a r c h for o t h e r s like n\yself. Th i s s e a r c h for c o m m u n i t y a n a love led me to L.A. a n d San F r a n c i s c o . It led m e to m y f i r s t sexual e x p e r i a n c e and beyond. It has led m e to m a n y pla c e s o v e r m a n y y e a r s , b u t it has r a r e l y led m e b a c k to K l a m a t h Falls.

ignore. O u t o f d e s p e r a t i o n I w e n t to the o f f i c e o f a local u n d e r g r o u n d n e w s p a p e r . If t h e r e is no g a y c o m m u n i t y h ere, m a y b e I can s t a r t one, I t h o u g h t . I m e a n , t h e y would

p r o b a b l y be a t l e a s t l i b e r a l .

Not knowing what

to e x p e c t I v e n t u r e d in. W h a t I f o u n d w a s n o t j u s t t o l e r a n t l i b e r a l s , b u t the f i r s t gays I had m e t in K l a m a t h . The n e w s p a p e r s o o n b e c a m e m y social and p o l i t i cal focal point. T h e s u p p o r t I g o t f r o m a f e w o t h e r s I m e t t h e r e h e l p e d m e to g e t t h r o u g h t h e su m m e r . We p u b l i s h e d s o m e g a y m a t e r i a l in the pap e r , s t a r t e d a c o n t a c t p h o n e a n d s o w e d s o m e of the f i r s t s eeds of gay c o m m u n i t y . I l e f t a t the end of t h a t s u m m e r for c o l l e g e and n o n e too soon. T h e w o r d w a s o u t a b o u t me. I had c o m e o u t to o n e p e r s o n too m a n y a n d as a r e s u l t t h e r e w o u l d be no job for m e in K l a m a t h the n e x t s u mmer. S i n c e t h a t time, I h a v e b e e n b a c k to K l a m a t h for v i sits. I h a v e e v e n l i v e d h e r e f o r a m o n t h o r so. I hav e s e e n the small g a y coinmunity h e r e g r o w a n d b e c o m e m o r e c o n s c i o u s . G a y m e n in K l a m a t h a r e i n c h i n g o u t of the c l o s e t s . Each m o v e m e n t t o w a r d f r e e d o m is a c c o m p a ni e d w i t h c o n t a c t f r o m o t h e r s w h o w e r e a l w a y s there, b u t l o s t to us. T o d a y t h e r e is an a c t i v e g r o u p - - T h e K l a m a t h G a y Union. M o r e i m p o r t a n t l y , gay m e n in K l a m a t h Falls a r e f i n d i n g ea c h o t h e r and g i v i n g e a c h o t h e r the s u p p o r t to g r o w a n d b e c o m e s t r o n g e r in a d i f f i c u l t e n vironment.

T o live in a small town is to be less s e l e c t i v e of who you relate to--sexually, socially, politically. T h e l a s t few y e a r s ha v e led m e to b e m o r e s e l e c t i v e of w h o 1 r e l a t e to, r a t h e r tha n less. I h a v e i m m e r s e d m y 足 s e l f in a g a y m e n ' s c o m m u n i t y w i t h a g r e a t deal of s i m 足 i l a r i t y in p o l i t i c s , l i f e s t y l e , a n d w o r l d view. I h a v e b e c o m e i n c r e a s i n g l y m o r e s e p e r a t i s t . I do n o t c h o o s e to li v e or w o r k w i t h s t r a i g h t p e o p l e , e s p e c i a l l y men. I see the p o s s i b i l i t y of this c h a n g i n g , b u t I a m n o t r e a d y to g i v e it up y e t , e s p e c i a l l y n o t for the c h o i c e s p r e s e n t e d by l i v i n g in K l a m a t h Falls. In s h o r t , I still w a n t m o r e than I can g e t here. So I turn a w a y f r o m m y h o m e t o w n - - a c h o i c e of c i r 足 c u m s t a n c e s , a pol i t i c a l c h o i c e , y e s , b u t p e r h a p s it is m ore. P e r h a p s it is j u s t t h a t I r e m e m b e r too well the l o n e l i n e s s and pain th a t 1 o n c e f e l t h e r e , a n d f r o m th a t p l a c e I m o v e away.

T h i s n o n t h s p e n t o n d o i n g R F D *15 is a n o t h e r o f m y p e r i o d i c s o j o u r n s here. T h i s time, l i k e t imes b e f o r e , I see w h a t is h e r e and a s k m y s e l f ; is this a p l a c e for n e to li v e a g a i n ? T h i s time, lik e t i m e s b e f o r e , I say no. M u c h has c h a n g e d , b u t m u c h s tays the same. E m p l o y m e n t w o u l d be a p r o b l e m . W o u l d I w o r k in a m i l l ? C o u l d I wo**k a n y w h e r e a n d b e o u t ? I do n o t at this p o i n t th i n k I c o u l d r e a l l y m a i n t a i n a h e t e r o m a s c u l i n e i mage a n d 1 a m n o t w i l l i n g to be s a c r i f i c e d to an u p t i g h t g o d o f m a s c u l i n i t y . To m o v e b a c k h e r e w o u l d be a l m o s t a c e r t a i n denial of m y sexual needs. Gay m e n w h o li v e in small towns s i m p l y do w i t h less s e x u a l l y . T h e r e is less ch o i c e ; there is less f u l f i l l m e n t . I d o n ' t w a n t to s o u n d f r i v 足 ol o u s a b o u t this, it is s e r i o u s . As I see m y s e x u a l / e m o t i o n a l n e e d s r i a h t now, to m o v e b a c k to K l a m a t h F a lls w o u l d be d e n y i n g m o s t of them. Wh a t a b o u t p o l i t i c s ? I am i n c r e a s i n g l y b e c o m i n g a c o m m i e a n a r c h i s t . If I m o v e d b a c k to K l a m a t h F alls m y c l o s e s t p o l i t i c a l a l l i e s w o u l d m o s t l i k e l y be liberal d e m o c r a t s . I ne e d p e o p l e a r o u n d m e w h o are p o l i t i c a l l y on the s a m e level and m o v i n g in the sam e d i r e c t i o n as I am. I w o u l d n o t h a v e this in K l a m a t h Falls.

Candor Smoothstone F e b r u a r y 1978 K l a m a t h Falls, Ore.

HOME TOWN

A town, a tomb, M o u t h s m o v i n g , m i n d s still; L i v i n g in s i d e , d y i n g o u t s i d e ; L o o k i n g in s i d e , t h e r e is no o u t s i d e . Opportunity community, disunity; S t o r e f r o n t s , c o m m i e fronts; Indus t r i a l s i t e s f r o m i n d u s t r i o u s sight; T h e b a n k o f low d e p o s i t and no return; The s u p e r m a r t w i t h s i n g l e cart, A d e n t e d can, the o f f brand; A h i g h w a y j u n c t i o n , a f o r g o t t e n f u n c tion. The A u g u s t fair, a n a u g u s t af f a i r ; K i w a n i s s t a n d , c o u n t r y band, w a s t e d land; P o t e n t i a l lost, b u t financial gained; O l d m a c h i n e s , o l d f r i e n d s , old hat. H i g h school pri d e , H i n d r a n c e High; Consolidate, casfrate; New teachers, lonesome creatures; Ideas t h a t s t i m u l a t e , ideas y o u d o n ' t state; C h i l d r e n w h o w a n t to learn, the b o o k s t h e y ' d r a t h e r burn.

FARM TOWN LIMBO/SISSY LUST

In the k i t c h e n w i t h w o m e n - - t a l k i n g w o m a n talk, a notboy/notgirl creature. G a t h e r i n g e g g s , m y f a v o r i t e c h o r e - - w o m e n 's work. I did n o t be l o n g : n e i t h e r b o y n o r girl, neither city nor country, I s i m p l y d i d n o t belong. Small town sissy. I did not b e l o n g to the land, land that m a d e m e n like m y f a t h e r - w o m e n li k e m y m o t h e r - S a d d e n e d , tired, poor. Depression children. Oil, w h e a t , the r a i l r o a d , the c a t t l e - S u r r o u n d i n g o u r land, d e f i n i n g m y a p a r t n e s s . S c r u b b e d h e a l t h y - s k i n n e d boys in ti g h t j e a n s , p o i n t e d boo t s , s t r a w hats. R odeo and h a r v e s t b r o u g h t t h e m into town new levis, n e w boo t s , e l a b o r a t e h a n d - t o o l e d belts. I sold t h e m the n e w c l o t h e s , f a l l i n g in lo v e w i t h them. Small town fa g g o t , n e v e r d r o v e a t r a c t o r , n e v e r c o m b i n e d ,

Kelvin Beliele 514 Fruit NW Albuquerque, NM

Baptists, Methodists, Nazarenes, P r a i s e f a t h e r , son, and h o l y ghost; N o t we, j u s t me, d i v i d e d by three. Hometown, No room, O r me.

town,

tomb,

Greg Smoots D e c e m b e r 29,

87102

1972

K l a m a t h F a l l s no. 2

WHY

I STAY

I w a s bor n in K l a m a t h Fall s , O r e g o n , in 1936. D u r i n g the pas t four d e c a d e s I hav e l i v e d in the f o l l o w i n g places e i t h e r as a s t u d e n t o r as a hig h school social s t u d i e s t eacher: K l a m a t h F a l l s , O r e g o n ; A s h l a n d , Or e g o n ; J u n e a u , A l a s k a ; B o z e m a n , M o n t a n a ; L o di, C a l i f o r n i a ; T h e s s a l o n i k i , G r e e c e ; San F r a n c i s c o , C a l i f o r n i a ; M e x i c o City, M e x i c o ; B o l o g n a , Italy; a n d B i r Ziet, o c c u p i e d P a l e s t i n e . The m a j o r i t y o f m y life has bee n li v e d in small towns. O f all the p l a c e s I ha v e l ived I feel m o s t c o m f o r t a b l e in K l a m a t h C o u n t y , O r e g o n . In 1969 I r e t u r n e d to K l a m a t h F a l l s a n d m y folk's hom e a n d small b u s i n e s s a f t e r two y e a r s as the social s t u d i e s t e a c h e r a t T h e s s a l o n i k i I n t e r n a t i o n a l Higji School. L i v i n g in a l a r g e f o r e i g n c i t y w a s an e x c e l l e n t e x p e r i e n c e for me. I lived in the d o w n t o w n a r ea, s h a r e d m y a p a r t m e n t a n d m y lif e w i t h a G r e e k m a n (my f i r s t op e n l y gay e x p e r i e n c e ) . In G r e e c e I w a s a b l e to h a v e a n o n y m i t y e n o u g h to grow. Th i s r e l a t i o n s h i p was c o m f o r t a ble, e v e n s a t i s f y i n g , y e t i n c r e a s i n g l y I f e l t the need to r e t u r n home. I h a v e b e e n in K l a m a t h F alls a l m o s t c o n t i n u o u s l y s i n c e 1969. In 1970 a f t e r b e c o m i n g d e p r e s s e d w i t h my life I w e n t to San F r a n c i s c o , got a job t e a c h i n g in a p r i v a t e s c h o o l , d r o p p e d acid, c a m e o u t by mail to v a r ious f r i e n d s t h r o u g h o u t m y life, b o u g h t a lid f r o m o n e o f m y s t u d e n t s and d e c i d e d I no l o n g e r w a n t e d to p l a y the t e a c h e r role. S a n F r a n c i s c o is a g r e a t p l a c e f o r me to visit. San F r a n c i s c o is e x c i t i n g . You are a b l e to s a m p l e the m o s t r e f i n e d p e r s u a s i o n s and tastes. It is m y f a v o r i t e city, b u t I fo u n d m y s e l f u n a b l e to be v e r y s e l f - s u f f i c i e n t o r p r o d u c t i v e there. O n e o f m y a c i d i c f l a s h e s w h i l e in the c i t y w a s tha t I w a n t e d to d i m i n i s h s o m e of the d i v i s i o n s in m y life: the d i v i s i o n b e t w e e n h o w I m a d e a l i v i n g a n d living; the d i v i s i o n b e t w e e n m y f a m i l y a n d m y f r i e n d s ; and the d i v i s i o n b e t w e e n m y h o m o s e x u a l i t y a n d the w h i t e m a l e dominated heterosexual society. In 1971 two f r i e n d s a n d I o r g a n i z e d an a l t e r n a t i v e w e e k l y n e w s p a p e r , B r e a k d o w n . Thi s e n d e d for two and a h a l f y e a r s the d i v i s i o n b e t w e e n w o r k and pl a y for me. The p a p e r b e c a m e m y f o c u s a n d c e nter. B r e a k d o w n s e r v e d as a f o r u m f o r a w i d e v a r i e t y of causes: the p e a c e m o v e m e n t , w o m e n ' s l i b e r a t i o n , Indi a n r i ghts, B l a c k ri g h t s , far m w o r k e r s t r u g g l e , w e l f a r e ri g h t s , labor, d i s g r u n t l e d c o n s e r v a t i v e s , r i g h t to keep and b e a r arm s p e o p l e , h u m a n e s o c i e t y , e n v i r o n m e n t a l i s t s , r e l i g i o u s / s p i r i t u a l g r o u p s , n a tural f o o d e n t h u s i a s t s , and f i n a l l y g a y rights. My e x p e r i e n c e led m e to b e l i e v e that c h a n g e s in sexual a t t i t u d e s , a l t h o u g h p r o c e e d i n g at b r e a k n e c k pace, w e r e still the b o t t o m lin e in the s t r u g g l e to h u m a n i z e o u r soci e t y . Several m o n t h s a f t e r w e b e g a n p u b l i s h i n g B r e a k d o w n , Life M a g a z i n e s e n t a t e a m to K l a m a t h F a l l s to do a s t o r y on the i m p a c t o f the s m a s h t e l e v i s i o n hit, "All In The Fami l y " . Due to m y a p p e a r a n c e (long h a i r and beard) and as " e d i t o r " of an " u n d e r g r o u n d " n e w s p a p e r a n d m y fathe r ' s a t t i t u d e t o w a r d long h a i r and b e a r d s , M a r s h a l l Frady, the a u t h o r , d e c i d e d to do a c o m p a r i s o n b e t w e e n the B u n k e r s and o u r f a m i l y a n d e x p l o r e K l a m a t h C o u n t r y as B u n k e r Land. The a r t i c l e , "All In Thi s F a m i l y , Too" (Life, N o v e m b e r 17, 1971) w a s well w r i t t e n and a c c u r a t e in c o n t e x t . The local p o w e r s t r u c t u r e did n o t l i k e the national a i r i n g o f its p r e j u d i c e s . T h e L i f e s t o r y and w e e k l y p u b l i c a t i o n o f B r e a k d o w n s e r v e d to i d e n t i f y m e in the c o m m u n i t y as a c o n t r o v e r s i a l p e r son. Y e t I f ound the d e s i g n a t i o n t o l e r a b l e , e v e n s a t i s f y i n g .

B r e a k d o w n w a s f i r s t put t o g e t h e r in a s p a r e b e d r o o m in m y f o l k ' s home. L a t e r w e m o v e d into an o l d c h u r c h b u i l d i n g n e a r d o w n t o w n K l a m a t h Falls. T h e r e w a s m u c h a p p r e h e n s i o n w h e n C a n d o r c a m e to the p a p e r and s u g g e s t ed w e b e g i n to t r e a t the g a y r i g h t s issue. P r e v i o u s to t h a t w e had e s t a b l i s h e d a g a y c o n t a c t lin e b u t had not p r e s e n t e d the v e r b a l i z a t i o n of the g a y cause. W i t h this c a m e the f i r s t s t i r r i n g s o f g a y c o m m u n i t y in K l a m a t h Falls. T h e K l a m a t h Gay U n i o n c a m e o u t o f t h e s e e a r l y e f f o rts at o r g a n i z a t i o n . D u r i n g the p a s t five y e a r s the c h u r c h has g o n e t h r o u g h the t r a n s i t i o n f r o m n e w s p a p e r to c o m m u n i t y ce n t e r . KGU is an integral p a r t o f the c h u r c h c o m m u n i t y w h i c h i n c l u d e s m a n y o f the e l e m e n t s w h i c h use d B r e a k d o w n as a forum. It is p o s s i b l e to be g a y and liv e and g r o w in a small town. It is m o r e d i f f i c u l t to be o p e n l y g a y and n o t b e c o m e the symbol o f h o m o s e x u a l i t y for the c o m m u n i t y . N e v e r t h e l e s s , this " p r o f e s s i o n a l h o m o s e x u a l i t y " is a p h a s e a n d will e v e n t u a l l y fade. In the m e a n t i m e it is e x c i t i n g b e i n g a p a r t o f the g r e a t c h a n g e s o c c u r i n g w h e r e I live. H o w a r d B r o w n in his book, F a m i l i a r Faces, H i d d e n Lives, d i s c u s s e s his d e c i s i o n to s e t t l e in N e w Y o r k C i t y in o r d e r to a c c o m o d a t e his h i d d e n life. The lure o f the c i t y has be e n o v e r w h e l m i n g to m a n y g a y p e ople. T h e c o l l e c t i n g o f g a y p e o p l e in c i t i e s has r e s u l t e d in the b u i l d i n g o f a s t r o n g gay i d e n t i t y . Y e t until w e m a k e it s a f e a n d a t t r a c t i v e to liv e a n y w h e r e we want we are not liberated. 2k

K l a m a t h F a l l s is m o u n t a i n c o u n t r y . S o m e c o n s i d e r it to be r e d n e c k c o u n t r y . It is a l s o the h e a r t o f E c o t o p i a . E c o t o p i a , the novel o f y o u r f u t u r e by E r n e s t C a l l e n b a c h geographically includes Washington, Oregon and Northern C a l i f o r n i a and d e s c r i b e s a p o s i t i v e u t o p i a n s o c i e t y c o n t r o l l e d by f e m i n i s t s and a i m e d a t a s t a b l e - s t a t e ec o n o m y and g o v e r n m e n t . A l t h o u g h the novel is f a n c i f u l , the h o p e p e r s i s t s for s u c h a s o c i e t y a n d s u c h a place. H e r e tha t h o p e g r o w s s t r o n g e r . A t the c h u r c h w e hav e b u i l t a c o m m u n a l g r e e n h o u s e and p l a n t a n d m a i n t a i n a c o m m u n a l o r g a n i c g a rden. We a r e l o o k i n g into s o l a r e n e r g y as a m e a n s o f u n p l u g g i n g f r o m the local p o w e r c o m p a n y (PP&L). T h e c h u r c h is a l s o a p o l i t i c i z i n g f o r c e in the c o m m u n i t y . In 1 9 7 6 w e d i r e c t e d G o v e r n o r B r o w n ' s c a m p a ign f o r P r e s i d e n t in K l a m a t h C o u n t y a n d w e n t to the D e m o c r a t i c N a t i o n a l C o n v e n t i o n as d e l e g a t e s f o r him. The b a t t l e to s a v e this a r e a e c o l o g i c a l l y is u n d e r way. T h e s t r u g g l e to e n s u r e g a y r i g h t s in a r e a s o f e m p l o y m e n t and a c c o m o d a t i o n s c o n t i n u e s . T h e pus h for h u m a n rig h t s grows. O r e g o n law on land u s e p l a n n i n g r e q u i r e s the p a r t i c i p a t i o n o f r e s i d e n t s in d e t e r m i n i n g how th a t l a n d is to be used. O n e o f the m o s t e x c i t i n g ideas I e v e r h e a r d w a s for gay p e o p l e to m o v e to a s p a r s e l y p o p u l a t e d m o u n t a i n o u s c o u n t y in C a l i f o r n i a a n d e s t a b l i s h a g a y c o n t r o l l e d p o l i t i c a l e n t i t y . Thi s idea s eems to hav e go n e the w a y o f m a n y o f the m o r e radical p r o p o s a l s o f the e a r l y y e a r s o f this de c a d e . A n d yet , r e a l i s t i c a l l y , it is p o s s i b l e to h a v e s i g n i f i c a n t p o l itical and social i m p a c t in O r e g o n and K l a m a t h Co u n t y . This p a s t y e a r , w i t h its n a t i o n a l a t t a c k s and d e f e n s e of g a y p e o p l e a n d t h e i r r i g h t s has se e n a r e s u r g e n c e o f gay c o m m u n i t y . In O r e g o n this has m a n i f e s t e d i t s e l f in the f o r m o f g a y s u p p o r t g r o u p s in B a k e r , B e n d and K l a m ath F a l l s , . a l l in t r a d i t i o n a l l y c o n s e r v a t i v e E a s t e r n Or e g o n . S t a t e - w i d e , the O r e g o n G a y A l l i a n c e h o l d s p r o m ise o f c o o r d i n a t e d gay a c t i o n on the p o l i t i c a l scene. Gay c o n c i o u s n e s s is s p r e a d i n g o u t s i d e o f the P o r t l a n d metropolitan area a n d o u t s i d e o f the W i l l a m e t t e V a l ley.

T H E R E IS S O M E T H I N G TO BE S A I D FOR M A K I N G LOV E IN L I N C O L N , N E B R A S K A

A f t e r ten y e a r s r u n n i n g b a t t l e I hav e s a t dow n to s m o k e the p e a c e p i p e with Nebraska. A full s i l e n c e floats b e t w e e n us (here, tak e a n o t h e r toke o f f the pipe. Tell m e a g a i n of the b u f f a l o y o u will b r i n g down).

The e x c i t e m e n t o f p l a y i n g a p a r t in t h e s e d e v e l o p m e n t s a l o n g w i t h the d e e p r o ots I ha v e in the c o m m u n i t y are r e a s o n s I r e m a i n in K l a m a t h F a lls a n d lik e it. Richard Pastega 428 S. 9 t h S t r e e t ,

Klamath

F alls O R 97601.

CANDOR SMOOTHSTONE

I g r e w up on this p r a i r i e too lik e a w e e d . The field where I played c o w b o y s a f t e r school has b e c o m e a s w i m m i n g pool cooling my restlessness. I c a n go on w a l k s now & see w h e r e I am going. I love tha t c l u m p of girls on the b r i d g e n o t n e e d i n g to t ouch t h e m & I love the e c c e n t r i c m a p l e s tha t g r e e t me w h e n I get o f f the bus (even bus rides a r e m o r e p e a c e f u l , a n g e r too h a v i n g f l a t t e n e d o u t in this s p a c i o u s state). A t a p a r t y I m e e t you. We smile. Our conversation sails adventurously lik e a football b e t w e e n o p p o s i t e goals. We sit in the b l e e c h e r s and cheer. This is w h a t som e m e n call love. A n d m a y b e the d a n c i n g g h o s t of S i t t i n g Bull will b r i n g us t o g e ther. Men hav e t aken s t r a n g e r routes to find r o o t in the land. Steve Abbott 4 3 4 9 2 5 t h St. SF, CA 94114

YOU CAN'T BEAT A SMALL TOWN

B e a t i n g a pat h to the w o o d s h e d . B e a t i n g a path to the barn. B e a t i n g rugs on the line o r the dog w h e n she b i t A u n t Effie. B e a t i n g b o r e d o m t a t o o s on s c h o o l d e s k s , a f t e r sc h o o l , the drum s ; the rap f o r pra n k s y o u d i d n ' t pull as well as t h o s e y o u did (if tha t d o n ' t b e a t the band). S h o o t i n g the b r e e z e a b o u t fag b e a t i n g a f t e r taki n g a b e a t i n g for b e a t i n g off. B e a t i n g on y o u r b e s t b u d d y w h o y o u c o u l d n ' t kiss on y o u r p i l l o w w h e n he m a r r i e d . No, y o u c a n ' t b e a t a small town for g r o w i n g up. Steve Abbott 4 3 4 9 25 t h St. S.F., CA 94114

-â&#x20AC;&#x201D; |

SPARKS

as the boys g e t t o g e t h e r on s m a l l t o w n S a t u r d a y n i g h t s w a t c h i n g , w a i t i n g m i s c h i e f and m a g i c on the s t r e e t s h u n t i n g p r o w l i n g for a c t i o n in th e i r o w n w a y h u n g r y f o r the t aste of s o m e t h i n g m o r e , s o m e t h i n g d i f f e r e n t e x c i t e m e n t in t h e i r r e s t l e s s p a c i n g a s p h a l t ca g e s t a u n t i n g a t e a c h o t h e r in m i s c a s t d r a m a t i c r olls t a l k i n g at all d i f f e r e n t w a y s b u t d o i n g b u t m o v i n g f r o m s t r e e t l i g h t to s h a d o w , si d e to s i d e in s u b t l e la z y b e a u t y a n d all will g e t a t l e a s t o n e h ardon in the p a s s i n g o f the n i g h t b u t no f u l f i l l m e n t o f e x p r e s s i o n for e a c h o t h e r , and w h e n the l a s t latelate m o v i e is o v e r t h e y will s e p e r a t e , y a w n i n g and t i r e d o f r e s t l e s s m o v e m e n t w a n t i n g j u s t to go home, j u s t up the b l o c k to d r e a m for a n o t h e r day, a n d o n e n i g h t w e a r e p r o m i s e d an e r u p t i o n o f the p o w e r tha t is p r e s e n t in all the s t r e e t s and all the boys b u r s t i n g f orth in s o m e t h i n g new, b e t t e r to s h a k e an a l r e a d y b r o k e n w o r l d w i t h the b e a u t y of a m i l l i o n f i r e w o r k s sending sparks to s e t a f i r e to d a z z l e the b l i n d

HINDSIGHT AND HOMOS

Chip Moore 2301 N a t i o n A v e n u e D u r h a m , N.C. 27 7 0 7

Paranoid-schizophrenic they diagnosed me Faggot In The P r o v i n c e s o n l y f a i r y in high school o n l y hig h school in town

Trapped little

town, l i t t l e m i n d s baffling agonizing loneliness: a b o y to kiss to h u g t o . .. R o m a n t i c v i s i o n s , S h a k e s p e a r e and S h e l l e y . . . if o n l y he w o u l d . .. g u i l t - r i d d e n m o t h e r p icks up son at s h r i n k s T e r r i f i e d Woman. nothing mama, just depressed m a y b e in N e w Y o r k C ity, a real town, a real w o r l d b u t n o t here, O k l a h o m a alone forever despairing frightened never escaping.. I s u r v i v e d t h o s e folks' n e u r o s e s so did mam a b o t h pr o u d now of s e l v e s o f her so n ' s l o v e r

Kelvin Beliele 514 Fruit NW Albuguergue, N.M.

87102

p h o t o s on this

p a g e by R a n d y Rossi

GREYHOUND STATION/PIKEVILLE

it sit s s q u e e z e d b e t w e e n the la s t a l l e y w a y and the n a r r o w r a i l r o a d , n e s t l e d into the h i l l s i d e long f o r g o t t e n t rain p a s s e n g e r s still h e a r d e c h o i n g in the c o r n e r s . Tall a r c h i n g w i n d o w s r a t t l e as the coal tr a i n s p e e d s up river. T h e r e s t a n d s a y o u n g man, c l o t h e d in u n i f o r m , waiting, for his r i d e to L e x i n g t o n . Just a rriving old woman back from Michigan flatlands struggling with battered suitcase, R e t u r n i n g to d i e in the hills. Kids p l a y in the p a r k i n g lot, S n e a k t o kes o f w e e d b e h i n d d i r t y busses. Y o u n g men , w o m e n board, o f f to D e t r o i t and C l e v e l a n d o f f to jobs in c i t y slum s , and t h e n , l i k e o l d m e n , ho m e th e y c ome, to die in the hills. Randy Smallwood f r o m S c r e a m of the M i d n i g h t O w l the W i n d Press Kentucky

Norm Lent

TURNER COUNTY BREAKDOWN: PEOPLE LIVE THAT WAY

Turner County breaks down in long days and l o n e s o m e n i g h t s in fiel d s f e r t i l e and f a l l o w p l o w i n g and s p r a y i n g and g a t h e r i n g c r o p s in f a c t o r i e s s i t t i n g and s t a n d i n g s e w i n g and f o l d i n g riveting, hammering, putting together in s hops t a l k i n g and s e l l i n g b r o w s i n g and p a y i n g and s t e a l i n g o u t r i g h t in hear t s l o v i n g and h a t i n g begrudging, forgiving and all in a p r a y e r a single prayer in me remembering regretting the w a r m t h a n d the d i s t a n c e the k i n d n e s s , s u s p i c i o n breathing one long, d e e p sig h o f r e l i e f w h e n in the Fall I left

Turner County breaks dow n in long days and l o n e s o m e nigh t s in p r o m i s e s in b r o k e n d r e a m s in fears c o m e true in the u n e n d i n g hea t of that day in Fall t h a t s m o l d e r i n g day w h e n I left Turner County breaks down real: p e o p l e liv e tha t w a y Frank Abbott 348 N e l m s Ave. A t l a n t a , Ga. 3 0 3 0 7

D E F I A N C E He w a s tall: six f o o t four, and a n g u l a r . His f e a t u r e s and his g r a c e f u l n e s s , c o m b i n e d w i t h his s o f t v o i c e and general s h y n e s s , g a v e h i m the a u r a o f e f f e m i n a c y w h i c h had a t t r a c t e d a t t e n t i o n f r o m his c h i l d h o o d . A few of us w e r e a t t r a c t e d b e c a u s e w e v a l u e d this a n d r o g y n o u s v i s i o n o f ma n , the h u m a n p s y c h e s e t free from the n a r r o w c o n f i n e s o f the m a l e role. M o s t , h o w e v e r , w e r e r e p e l l e d by the image. The p r e s e n c e o f a " f e m i n i z e d " m a n is too s h a t t e r i n g to the n a r r o w c o n c e p t s m o s t hav e bee n s o c i a l i z e d into, a n d a n y su c h i mage m u s t be a v o i d e d , p u s h e d a w a y into a d a r k c o r n e r , hidden. O n l y C u r t w o u l d n ' t hide. To b e g i n w i t h , t h e r e ' s not m u c h r o o m to hid e in B r i d g e r , M o n t a n a . He f o u n d th a t out e a r l y on. H a v i n g no real w e a p o n r y for s e l f p r o t e c tion, he b e g a n f i g h t i n g b a c k the o n l y w a y he c o u l d , by b e i n g h i m s e l f in s p i t e o f s u r r o u n d i n g h o s t i l i t i e s . C a u g h t in the s q u e e z e b e t w e e n w h o he w a s and w h a t o t h e r s w a n t e d h i m to be, he f o u n d h i m s e l f i n c r e a s i n g l y a t t a c k ed p h y s i c a l l y , v e r b a l l y a n d p s y c h o l o g i c a l l y . T h e m o r e he got hurt, the m o r e he f o u g h t back. F l a m b o u e n t l y . He m o v e d to B i l l i n g s a f t e r hig h school a n d b e g a n m e e t i n g o t h e r s lik e h i m s e l f , s p e n d i n g his s p a r e time with them drinking, partying, driving hundreds of miles to s e m i - s e c r e t d r a g s h o w s in G r e a t Falls, But t e , and D e n ver. He c u t his h a i r in a s e v e r e w e d g e a n d b o u g h t high p l a t f o r m s h o e s , u n d e r s c o r i n g his l a n k y frame. He put t o g e t h e r a d r a g o u t f i t a n d d e v e l o p e d a r o u t i n e to go w i t h it. This y e a r he w a s e l e c t e d as a r e p r e s e n t a tive of the M o n t a n a C o u r t ( r o y a l t y o f the s t a t e - w i d e d r a g c i r c u i t ) to the w e s t e r n s t a t e s g r a n d ball in De n v e r , a task he took s e r i o u s l y . He w a s p r o u d o f M o n tana, p r o u d o f his gay f r i e n d s , and pr o u d to r e p r e s ent t h e m at w h a t he felt to be an i m p o r t a n t event. O n l y m o r e r e c e n t l y had tie b e g u n to r e c o g n i z e the i n h e r e n t s e x i s m o f t r a d i t i o n a l d r a g a n d m a n y o f the o t h e r u n p l e a s a n t a s p e c t s o f the gay w o r l d . He had a l r e a d y bee n t e m p o r a r i l y b a n n e d f r o m the o n l y gay b a r in B i l l i n g s for b e i n g too " o b v i o u s " and had been t h r o u g h o n e a r r e s t for tak i n g h o m e a p l a i n c l o t h e s d e t e c t i v e . In D e n v e r he had a k n i f e p u l l e d on h i m by a j e a l o u s d r a g queen. So o n a f t e r , two f r i e n d s w e r e t h r o w n in the D e n v e r C o u n t y Jail b e c a u s e the y c o u l d n ' t po s t bail a f t e r b e i n g a r r e s t e d on C o l f a x A v e n u e for s o l i citing. As his a w a r e n e s s of the c o n t r a d i c t i o n s in the gay c o m m u n i t y grew, he b e g a n to t h i n k a b o u t the d i r e c tion he a n d m o s t o f his fr i e n d s w e r e headed. A t hom e in B r i d g e r he c a r r i e d on an u n s p o k e n b a t t l e w i t h his f a m i l y for a c c e p t a n c e . T h e y w e r e b e g i n n i n g to r e s p o n d too. His M o m c o m m e n t e d on h o w goo d he looked. His b r o t h e r w e l c o m e d h i m a n d s e v eral f r i e n d s into his home in Butte. He b r o u g h t hom e s acks full o f r anch g r own b e e f s e n t by his p a r e n t s as a g e s t u r e to his l o v er ' s h o u s e h o l d .

He p a i d for t h a t m i s t a k e w i t h his life. T h e last F r i d a y n i g h t in A p r i l , C u r t le f t his f r i e n d s o u t s i d e the Cr y s t a l B a r to g e t a h a m b u r g e r . T h e n e x t d a y his b o d y w a s f o u n d in the s h a l l o w s o f the Y e l l o w s t o n e River. He had bee n s t a b b e d t w i c e in the c h e s t , e i g h t times in the back. His h a n d s had d e e p g a s h e s in them, a p p a r e n t l y r e c e i v e d w h i l e f i g h t i n g for his life. T h o u g h f u l l y d r e s sed, his p o c k e t s w e r e e m p t y and no n a m e t a g s w e r e f ound on his c l o t h i n g . He w a s e v e n t u a l l y i d e n t i f i e d by the g o l d and g r e e n r i n g he a l w a y s wo r e . B r i d g e r H i g h Sc h o o l , C l ass o f '75. T h e c l a s s in w h i c h he c o u l d n a m e n o t one f r iend, b u t w h i c h he still q u i e t l y c l a i m e d as his own. I d o n ' t k n o w h o w m a n y o t h e r g a y p e o p l e h a v e been m u r d e r e d in M o n t a n a . I've h e a r d of o n e m a n l a s t y e a r in Bozeman. Others have undoubtedly occurred but gone u n n o t i c e d as n e w s p a p e r s g e n e r a l l y r e f u s e to r e f e r to the s e x u a l i t y o f su c h v i c t i m s on the p r e m i s e t h a t it's o f no i m p o r t a n c e , or to " p r o t e c t the f a m i l y " . As a m a t t e r of fact, the o n l y time a h o m o s e x u a l gets i d e n t i f i e d as such in an e s t a b l i s h e d p a p e r is w h e n it's in n e g a t i v e terms ( r e m e m b e r the " h o m o s e x u a l m u r d e r s " in H o u s t o n and L . A.?). W h e n a g a y n i g h t c l u b gets f i r e b o m b e d in N e w O r l e a n s , or a gay c h u r c h is b u r n e d in Los A n g e l e s , or a c o m m u n i t y c e n t e r d e s t r o y e d in S e a t t l e , the p r e s s t o t a l l y a v o i d s the p o l i t i c a l i m p l i c a t i o n s o f s u c h an act. P r i s o n rape o r the sexual a b u s e o f c h i l d r e n a r e h i g h l y t o u t e d as e v i d e n c e o f the general d e p r a v i t y of q u e e r s , b u t n o w h e r e is it m e n t i o n e d t h a t bot h p r i s o n ra p e s and c h i l d m o l e s t a t i o n a r e a l m o s t e x c l u s i v e l y the d o m a i n o f h e t e r o s e x u a l men. M o n t a n a ' s p ress is no d i f f e r e n t in this r e s p e c t . In the w e e k f o l l o w i n g C u r t ' s m u r d e r , B i l l i n g s p o l i c e d e t e c t i v e s b e g a n an i n t e n s i v e i n v e s t i g a t i o n into the gay c o m m u n i t y . An a u t o p s y r e v e a l e d e v i d e n c e o f sexual a c t i v i t y p r i o r to d e a t h a n d the p o l i c e , i g n o r a n t and o p e n l y h o s t i l e to the g a y c o m m u n i t y , s e i z e d the o p p o r t u n i t y to l a u n c h a full s c a l e s h a k e d o w n . D o z e n s o f C u r t ' s f r i e n d s w e r e h a u l e d in for q u e s t i o n i n g , s t a t e m e n t s and p o l y g r a p h tests. T h e B i l l i n g s G a z e t t e , w h i c h had p r e v i o u s l y r e f u s e d to i d e n t i f y C u r t ' s s e x u a l i t y (to p r o t e c t his f a m i l y ? f r o m C u r t ? ) , s u d d e n l y b e g a n a l l u d i n g to police investigation o f a "homosexual affair". The b i g o t r y and f e a r of the B P D w a s e x e m p l i f i e d by the c h i e f of d e t e c t i v e s w h e n he told two of C u r t ' s f r i e n d s tha t n o r m a l l y he w o u l d n e v e r d i s c u s s h o m o s e x u a l i t y w i t h a n y o n e , and t h a t if a n y o n e b r o u g h t the s u b j e c t up in his p r e s e n c e he w o u l d " p u n c h t h e m out". W i t h this level of u n d e r s t a n d i n g , it's no w o n d e r tha t no o n e e v e r t h o u g h t to c o n n e c t the m u r d e r to s o m e o n e o u t s i d e the gay c o m m u n i t y ; s o m e o n e w h o n e e d e d sex b a dly e n o u g h to c r u i s e the s t r e e t s a t t h r e e in the m o r n i n g , pic k up a s t r a n g e r , and a f t e r w a r d s be so o v e r c o m e w i t h s e l f - h a t r e d a n d h o m o p h o b i a t h a t he had to d e s t r o y the e v i d e n c e by c o m m i t t i n g a brutal m u r d e r . In the m e a n t i m e , the BPD has o b t a i n e d a l a r g e lis t of "kn o w n h o m o s e x u a l s " and h a v e p r o m i s e d to s t e p up h a r a s s m e n t of the g a y c o m m u n i t y . A s i m i l a r m u r d e r in tha t c i t y a d e c a d e a g o c a u s e d a m a s s e x o d u s o f gay s to

A n d he c o n t i n u e d to w a l k the s t r e e t s o f B i l l i n g s in his p a i n s t a k i n g l y c o l l e c t e d u n i s e x o u t f i t s a n d d e f i a n t gait, i g n o r i n g the j e e r s f r o m p a s s i n g car s a n d o c c a s i o n ally, e s c a p e r o u t e p e r m i t t i n g , t h r o w i n g the s c r e a m s and g e s t u r e s bac k at his t o r m e n t o r s . He w a s gay, and e f f e m inate and pr o u d o f it. That w a s his d o w n f a l l . R a i s e d in a small f a r m i n g c o m m u n i t y in the h e a r t of o n e of the m o s t b e a u t i f u l v a l l e y s in the N o r t h e r n R o c k i e s , C u r t d i d n ' t u n d e r s t a n d the m o s t f u n d a mental rule o f the ga m e for rural q u e e r s ; to be y o u r s e l f y o u ' r e s u p p o s e d to l e a v e f a mily, f r i e n d s , and home, and m o v e to o n e o f the u r b a n g h e t t o e s w h i c h gays have c a r v e d part o f h i m kid isn't), re a l i z e how

De n v e r , M i n n e a p o l i s , a n d the W e s t C o a s t , n o t u n l i k e the B o i s e i n c i d e n t o f the e a r l y f i f t i e s . A g a i n , the t heme is u n d e r s c o r e d . L e a v e town. L e a v e the state. M o v e to the city. I d o n ' t k n o w a n y g a y p e r s o n in M o n t a n a w h o h a s n ' t had to f a c e this issue. T h e m i g r a t i o n g e n e r a l l y takes two for m s ; th o s e w h o l e a v e p e r m a n e n t l y , u s u a l l y at an e a r l y age, a n d the l a r g e r g r o u p o f us w h o l e a v e and c o m e b a c k a g a i n and again. S e l f d e s t r u c t i v e ? No way! But destructive, certainly. Because whatever forms our

o u t for t h e m s e l v e s o v e r the y e a r s . T h o u g h w a s a t t r a c t e d to the c i t y ( what small town he h a d n ' t m o v e d q u i c k l y en o u g h . He d i d n ' t m u c h he had o u t g r o w n B i l l i n g s . 28

r a t i o n a l i z a t i o n s m a y take, it is n o t the b e a u t y or e x Â c i t e m e n t o r o p p o r t u n i t y o f the c i t y th a t p u l l s us. It is the p e r v a s i v e a n d v e r y real fe a r o f v i o l e n c e c o u p l e d w i t h the c o n s t a n t p a i n o f r e j e c t i o n , th a t f o r c e s us out.

A N D N O W H E R E TO GO

We r e t u r n , to be sure, b e c a u s e this is o u r home. All o t h e r a s p e c t s o f o u r l i ves c o n n e c t here. We k n o w the place; the g e o g r a p h y , the c l i m a t e , the p e o p l e a n d the cult u r e . We a r e o f this place. It runs in o u r veins and a l o n g c u r n e r v e p a t h w a y s a n d w e a r e b e t t e r for it. T h e s e m o u n t a i n s , v a l l e y s , and p l a i n s , this g l a c i e r c a r v e d l a n d s c a p e has h e l p e d f o r m o u r sou l s . It c o n t i n u e s to s u s t a i n us.

aware th a t the love I felt f o r life now over has no w h e r e to go

W h e n w e l e a v e it is b e c a u s e w e ha v e t a k e n as m u c h a b u s e a n d s u f f o c a t i o n f r o m h u m a n s as w e c a n stand. We c o m e to the g h e t t o b e c a u s e it is safe. W e can dance. We can sing. We can love, j ive, swin g , cry, hug, w o r k , play, and w h i s p e r o u r o w n m a g i c . B u t to the tu n e of s o m e o n e e l s e ' s m u s i c , a r e a l i t y t h a t is n o t o u r own. This is the d i l e m m a o f M o n t a n a gays, i n d e e d all r u r Â al gays. A goo d a n s w e r is n o t e a s i l y a p p a r e n t . I for one h a v e no i n t e n t i o n o f g i v i n g up e i t h e r w o r l d , and pa r t o f the task I see for m y s e l f is h e l p i n g to c o n n e c t them.

aware o f the love that w e l l s up insi d e and runs to m y eyes and co m e s d o w n m y che e k s n\y love f o r life his life now over a n d no w h e r e to go m y love a n d no w h e r e to go

As for Curt, g i v e n time, he c e r t a i n l y w o u l d have left. B u t his ring, his d e f i a n c e , and the v a s t love he had for his b i r t h p l a c e tell m e as s u r e l y t h a t he w o u l d hav e r e t u r n e d , b r i n g i n g the w a r h o m e w i t h him. As for us, can w e do a n y less?

Fr a n k A b b o t t 3 4 8 N e lms Ave. A t l a n t a , Ga. 3 0 3 0 7

Bill W a l k e r 111 F l o r e n t i a Seattle, WA 98109

we have not had to hide behind our farm fences or felt that with most of the people that we have talked to that they feel any hostility towards us. I'm not say ing that there aren't people in Nelson who fear and hate "our kind” but I feel that I have had more host ility directed at me in big cities than I have here in the country. The people that we've opened our homes and friendship to have also done the same for us. We've had a few parties where up to seventy-five to one hundred persons were at, mostly straight and they have enjoyed our "shows” imported from Vancouver, danced with us, held us, and even fallen in love. I feel very lucky to have met and been accepted by a class of people that has always been so hostile to my way of life. Another thing that has happened since we've come here has been the opportunity to lecture at the local college on the topic of homosexuality. We have done this twice and both times we have walked into a class of scared and biased country people, most of them nev er exposed to gays before except through news, and jokes, and left them questioning their beliefs and even changing their whole image of us. One woman challenged us to prove how we were discriminated against which is just the question we needed to start a heated discussion on the topic. Of course it wasn't too hard to prove our point with the lesbians telling of losing custody of children to stories of police guns pointed at gay's heads for doing nothing more than walking down the street. We also talked of our farms, lives and loves all of which were not the typical stereotyped story. The fantasy I had the first year I was here has now worn off and the reality of the hardwork, the lone ly times, quiet times, the deep friendships that I've developed, the reality has hit it’s not all easy and fun to be here but where else could I have grown like I have here. Move back to the city? - NEVER.

Dear RFD, I'd like to thank you for printing our photos in the last issue and to tell you a few of the joys and problems we have encountered since our move to the country two years ago. The town, Nelson, is about twelve miles from our farm and has a population of about 10,000. That may sound like a lot of people but it's the only large town around our area and as in most small towns little happens that everyone doesn't know about. The gay community, though small, seems to fit the population patterns with about fifteen gay men and about thirty gay women and a few who don't know what they are! On our land, which is eighty acres of for est and a few small clearings for the gardens and fruit trees, there are six gay men. It has not been an easy time learning to work and deal with this many stubborn men but slowly things seem to be getting ir oned out and hopefully will see some really good ac hievements, both in working and playing together. One of the first things that happened to all us were the big city withdrawals. One of the first questions we and everyone who visits us asks is "Where is the gay bar?" The. answer is "take the highway to town but before you get there, take a right, go through U.S. Customs (which is always a treat) and about four hours later you'll see the lights of Spo kane. Or if you prefer to stay on this side of the border, it's just a short eight hour drive (if it's not snowing) to Vancouver. Do we feel isolated? How can I explain to people how it feels on a warm summer fullmoon night, and all you've got is a good book to read. This is something that has been especially hard for me who was so used to the availability of compan ionship in L.A. and S.F. where I lived before coming here. Of course we do have night life in Nelson, even a disco. If you go to the disco though, you can't wear Levi's or dance with more than one person or you'll find yourself dancing in the street. Then there's the local pub where you'll meet every redneck within a hundred miles, or the hotel bar where you can watch all the drunks fall asleep on the tables. Of course not everyone likes bars so for them we have a movie theater. The manager of the theater doesn't realize there is more to life than Charles Bronson and Walt Disney. There are exciting breaks from the usual town happening and Nelson is very fortunate in that there is a very large community of people committed to the arts and creative ideas. There is a community build ing built by the local freaks a few years back which has always got something interesting happening, from disco to square dancing, from plays to body awareness classes. Nelson is different from many of the small towns that I've been in or heard about from my gay friends,

James Boulware Box 326* 5 Nelson, BC CANADA______ Dear RFD, Sorry I don't have a graphic to help with the Spring issue, but I will share some information about my area. There are around 3000 people in the county. The county seat population is about 800 and 9 miles from Coatsville. Coatsville consists of 18 homes, 3 unoccupied houses, 35 persons, 35 persons, 6 dogs and 5 cats (I may have missed a few cats). We do have a post office which is in the general store, though we'll probably lose it in a few years when the Postmaster/ Storekeeper retires. He's planning to close the store, too. We're situated on Mo. Rte. 202. When the speed limit was lowered to 55 mph, the 45 mph limit through Coatsville was raised to 55 mph! Oh, I almost forgot the 2 churches, which both have active congregations. The people here (natives--I'm a transplant, an outlander, a leftover from a hippie commune begun here in 1972) are warm, American Gothics. The economy is depressed, everyone works hard and that's what you're judged on. It did, however, take 3 years to be accept ed as part of the community, but I enjoyed the work; I still do. Your individuality is important to the func tioning of the community. A willingness to learn is important. Helping your neighbor is important. For now it would be difficult to be anywhere else. The small town I work in (pop. 250, 18 miles from Coatsville and located in the county) is called Queen City! To paraphrase a sampler I recently saw: "Bloom where you're transplanted!" Joy in struggle and in love, Willy Sw'an Box 15 Coatsville, MO 30

63535

i cannot do i t a l l . I w o u l d l i k e to s h a r e s o m e o f m y f e e l i n g s a b o u t g r o w Â ing u p in a small tow n as a h o m o s e x u a l .

1 HA V E S E E N E N O U G H

I w a s r e a r e d j u s t o u t s i d e a c i t y o f t w e n t y - t h o u s a n d on the f r i n g e o f A p p a l a c h i a , the h e a r t o f S o u t h e r n Ohio. M y p a r e n t s w e r e f r o m s m a l l e r p l a c e s stil l , b u t had m o v e d s o u t h to fi n d w o r k w h e n th e y w e r e m a r r i e d . I was bo r n t h r e e m i l e s f r o m the mill w h e r e D a d w o r k e d , in a h o s p i t a l M o m w o u l d w o r k in s o m e d a y . I a l w a y s fel t c l a s s l e s s , b e t w e e n the w o r l d s of two w o r k i n g p a r e n t s and the e n o r m o u s ga r d e n , the c a n n i n g , t h e l i f e l o n g u n d e r s t a n d i n g th a t w e had to m a k e do.

It is n o t the will of the F a t h e r for me to see the l o n e l i n e s s I k n o w now. I do so m e l o o k i n g , and I find m y s e l f , rr\y p r o b l e m b e i n g tha t I d i s l i k e w h a t I see. B u t I find th a t it's n o t i m p o r t a n t for o t h e r s w h a t I see. So I tell them. A n d I find t h e m far a w a y f r o m me. I find t h e m not here, o r n e a r here. I s i m p l y c a n n o t fin d them.

The r o m a n t i c r e m e m b e r i n g s c l o u d the r e a l i t i e s o f a h a r s h life as a loner, as s o m e o n e w h o was d i f f e r e n t b u t I d i d n ' t k n o w how. H i g h school w a s f o u r y e a r s of being called queer and not knowing m y self whet h e r the y w e r e r i g h t or not. By the s t a n d a r d s o f c l a s s m a t e s neighbors, fellow workers, I was wrong, a blight, s o m e t h i n g to be e r a s e d .

to k n o w

I s e a r c h , and find w h a t is t h o u g h t bad. My f a u l t ? No, a n d t r u l y I a m g l a d I f o und it n o w and n o t so m e three, ten, o r n i n e t y y e a r s hence. So it get s me to w h e r e I am. I a m alon e , and w o r s e , lonely. I a m t r o u b l e d - no, lost. I am s i m p l y c o n f u s e d .

W h e n I told m y b e s t f r i e n d I t h o u g h t I w a s a h o m o s e x u a l (I h a d n ' t h e a r d the w o r d G a y yet ) he tol d m e t h a t I c o u l d c l e a r it up if I w a n t e d . He c o n g r a t u l a t e d me on b e i n g h a l f w a y c u r e d by a d m i t t i n g it. As w e w o r k e d si d e by s i d e f o r two w e e k s a f t e r that, w o r d l e s s l y , I g r e w to ha t e h i m b e c a u s e he c o u l d n o t a c c e p t me as ir\yself. W h e n we f i n a l l y s p o k e , it w a s to s a y g o o d - b y e forever.

If it is the pla n o f rr\y f r i e n d s I c a n n o t see it. Nov.

I m o v e d a w a y f r o m m y h o m e t o w n at 21, I r e a l i z e d that I had s o m e h o w s u r v i v e d the h a t e r e s e r v e d f o r "que e r s " there. I s u r v i v e d by a c c e p t i n g m y s e l f as a w h o l e h u m a n b e i n g , by h a v i n g a v e r y few b u t v e r y d e a r f r i e n d s w h o li k e d m e as I was. I s u r v i v e d by r e j e c t i n g the h y p o c r i s y o f m y p a r e n t s c h u r c h a n d f i n d i n g m y own s p i r i t u a l life. I a l s o s u r v i v e d b e c a u s e I kep t q u i e t about my sexuality. I m o v e d a w a y so tha t I w o u l d n ' t hav e to c o m p r o m i s e my b e i n g a n y more.

to c o m f o r t me,

1971

WHAT AM

I DOING HERE?

To be a f a g g o t in a r o o m w i t h go o d C h r i s t i a n folk! Unca n n y . H o w f a m i l i a r is the f eeling. Oh, h o w I w a n t to s t a n d and s h o u t and m a k e t h e m k n o w and u n d e r s t a n d . How I wish everyone knew and d i d n ' t c a re, a n d still l iked me. W h a t a m I d o i n g he r e ? I c a n n o t p l a y this role. I c a n n o t pull this off. I am a l r e a d y s c r e a m i n g t h a t I w a n t out. But, m a y b e , n o t j u s t yet. I lo v e m y s e l f and a c c e p t m y s e l f and c o m p l a i n o n l y w h e n o t h e r s do not. Is t h a t so w r o n g ? To ga i n s u p p o r t for m y h o m e - t o w n g a y w o r l d , that stiffled world, t h a t s t r i c k e n n e v e r - n e v e r land o f g u i l t s , I can w o r k s l o w l y , b u i l d a f eeling, h e l p t h e s e g o o d folk u n d e r s t a n d . I a m s o r r y th a t I c a n n o t h e l p all the o t h e r s , and c a r r y them, a n d b u i l d t h e i r lives, and m a k e t h e m c i t i z e n s r a t h e r than queers. I h u r t b e c a u s e I k n o w I c a n n o t do it all.

Sincerely, L a r r y A. B a r r 47*s S o u t h M a y Ave. A t h e n s , OH 45701

â&#x20AC;˘H U) V) O

Jan.

1974 L a r r y A. B a r r 4 7 H S o u t h M a y Ave. A t h e n s , OH 45701

the winds carry soft moans while milky liquid pours across thighs across the sand across my stomach hits the blue sky and swaying eucalyptus done your cock rests between my thighs holding a golden curve Michael Cullen 52 Lyon SF, CA 94117

KINDNESS, NOT LOVE

Kindness and love: Mow like each other they seem from a distance, Mow starkly different close up. Kindness is the act of a man of utter beauty who, Despite no precedent, Gracefully permits himself to be adoredVoraciously consumed in loveBy another man he values. Love is expressed by the latter when, With unimaginable pain, Me relinquishes the intimate privileges of loving Upon admitting to himself that what his friend feels is Kindness, not love. Richard Steinman 198 Danforth St. Portland, Maine 04102

DOORS

Latch loudly catches the door in its jamb; the abrupt barriers swing between us. You don't need wood slabs to stop the reaching toward you; too often my eyes are hands and you cannot feel their touch. Partly open doors torment the pusher in me. lie's locked inside my heavy shoes. See them tapping. The music's not the whole story. Glued in front of doors ajar; remember beliy to belly laughing off our virgin spilling. We both warned each: sperm glues. Now our futures do not move.

BEMOLDING

evening-late and eyes won't shut I sit and watch you sleep fan hums on and stirs the heat and no one knows not even you that in the filtered light that joins the sound of crickets 1 kiss you just so gently and lie back down and feel your breath and wonder do you love me

Salvatore Farinella 55 Dwight Street Boston, Mass. 02118

Frank Abbott 348 Nelms Ave. Atlanta, Ga. 30307 32

ROADBLOCKS THIS WINTER

Alone on the river on the road in the cafe across the bridge hitch-hiking to work 12 PM in cold house on hill Ghosts of friends children other houses fresh as the love that's fled

WALKING THIS ABANDONED FIELD

Walking this abandoned field I am looking for something inside myself, an old shovel perhaps or some evidence of planted seed. I come upon a tree much like one I used to climb as a boy & lying down, my eyes roam over the frayed hatband of evening sky. This is how I used to feel loving you, as if I could kiss the moon 5 caress the night. How sweet the air smelled then, like rain in Nebraska after a field was plowed. Now all I can see is this tree 5 the memory of how high we once climbed.

The love that everyone thinks I needincluding rayselfBlocked somewhere between my throat and belly. Scream in the night that misses every point. Roadblocks this winter

Steve Abbott 67 Albion St. SF, CA 94103

Nov '77

Will Ballard Gen. Del. Guernewood Park, CA

95446

YOU LONELINESS

I sleep with loneliness $ wake each morning alone loneliness 5 1 walk thru the woods taking care not to step on the tiniest flowerhidden by green weeds not making a sound waiting for the deer to come by you lonliness surprise me by embracing me with 100 arms Mark Morris Box 38 Poe, WY 26683 33

dr. jeckel *miss hvde Palma Frump was an ass mail. Ui course, that wasn't his real name. Years ago when Palma (Joseph Lipschiltz) was nineteen, he had taken the non de plume when he went on the stage— and wrote a little. Twenty-nine years later, figure it out. Yes, Palma was forty-eight— a dangerous age, as any woman can tell you. What, she pondered, was she to do? Two, possibly three lovers had drifted in and out of her life and as she began to push fifty, she found herself alone, "single again. without someone waiting when she came home, she felt she couldn't go on, it just wasn't any fun anymore. The answer was simple. She needed a man— a weak/ strong one; one she could mold to her liking, one who would dominate her. (She was a little confused about this because contradicting needs fluctuated from mom ent to moment.) But how else, she wondered, would it be possible to face Casting People, all the other Crazies" in Show Business? Oh, life was difficult, sometimes devastatingly cruel for a highly emotional, volatile, single woman of forty-eight. Just at the right moment, it seemed, fate stepped in. Palma came across a paper, left behind by a "close ac quaintance named George. The ad which she composed and— feeling giggly, juicy and a bit frightened— fin ally submitted to the Advocate, was very specific. It was not a sex ad. Heavens no I It was for a person not addicted to drugs, bars or the baths, a man between thirty-five and forty-five— a life companion. (Any one younger, she felt she couldn't handle; there would be nothing there to mold/to fight/to submit to.) When she told her circle of intimates (she refered to them as "family,") the news was greeted with varying degrees of skepticism. In one case with outright dis approval. Frankie Faye, an actor's agent and fellow we-made-it-from-Brooklyn, said unequivocally that any one answering such an ad would have to be a hustler. "There aren't too many forty-year-old hustlers around," Palma said, extending a toe, Gucci covered. "You'd be surprised," answered Frankie, looking to his current companion— a twenty—year-old blond who often was mistaken for a mute. With a nod of his bronzed head (usually seen in profile) Kurt agreed. Reassured, Frankie's head began to bob up and down in front of his sixth Scotch, like one of those dodo birds who, though saturated, keep it up all evening. Palma had come to First Avenue and Fifty-Third Street to view Frankie's new apartment. At the host's sugges tion, the party moved outdoors, to the "lovely, private terrace." Palma and Frankie slouched on chaise lounges as if at poolside. Kurt, sitting stiffly upright on a stool, positioned himself in the center, making sure his right profile was displayed for Frankie. (There was something about seeing Kurt head on that was not

good, but still he thought it pointless because no good could possibly come of the whole misadventure. "nife is a banquet," said Palma enthusiastically, quoting a line from "Auntie Mame." It so_ expressed her own philosophy! As a few drops of rain began to fall, she stood smiling, arms outstretched— like that last moment before curtain. But Frankie had to spoil it, for Frankie was never wrong. Well, Palma was never wrong. The argument and the Rains Came. It ended in stalemate, each wondering why he remained friendly with each other. Kurt, mean time, was most dismayed, for in the exchange of ideas, the antagonists had come together and looked directly at him— wet hair and all. When the first responses to the ad began to trickle in, Palma was buoyed into a crazy optimism. In one of the very first letters she opened, she discovered a nude photograph. Moderately handsome face, spectacular reed-like body, an organ large enough to excite the most demure. Although strong principles did not allow her to approve of the photo, she found the letter sen sitive, intelligent, and straightforward. (There was not a hint of sexual preference. How perfect!) Quickly checking the return address— and uncircumcised cock— * she found that the boy (of forty) lived only two blocks away. Unbelievable. Flying immodestly to the phone, her red silk robe unattached at the waist, she lit a ciga rette and tried to compose herself. On the second ring she got an answering machine. Tu ning in perceptive powers, she concentrated on the words— while clutching her robe to her throat, puffing to no avail on the lowest of low tar and nicotine cig arette, reaching for a cup of coffee and the remains of bagel, cream cheese and Smucker's raspberry. "Hello Out There," she said at the tone, "this is David Green." (An alias had been strongly suggested by her mail service.) "You answered an ad of mine in the Advocate, and the strangest thing..." She sat forward, squeezing thighs together. There was a click and a voice. "Hello. I'm here. I'm afraid I monitor my calls." Palma blew what should have been a stream of smoke into the air. In husky voice, reminiscent of Lizabeth Scott, she asked, "You have so many men calling you?" "It isn't that," said the somewhat bored voice. "It's' just that at the moment there are a couple people in my life who won't take no for an answer." Everybody's after him, Palma thought, but I'll get him. "Where you from?" "Texas." No kidding?" Quickly she glanced at the signature. "I thought I heard something...Hank." "Yep. San Antone." (Wow!) "I just read your letter," Palma said,tight ening her robe against throbbing cleavage. "Could we meet today for lunch?" "Today?" "Well, I know it's last minute, but..." Congratu lating herself on this cleverness, added, "... I'll be up in your neighborhood. There's a place up there called Dressier's. Do you know it?"

quite right.) Frankie, adjusting light-weight powder blue cashmere to reveal more chest hair, launched into his favorite current topic— the hanging plants, potted flowers, shrubbery, trees, the planting boxes, the soil— all pushed casually, with elegance into one corner. "They were outrageously expensive," he said. "But even more outrageous was the taxi-fares getting them here." The details of the ad— which Palma finally got back to— did not dispel Frankiie's doubts. He had to admit that the idea of using a mailing address downtown was

"I've seen it." "Well, could you?" "I don't know. What time?" (What a darling accent!) " I have an audition this afternoon— I'm an actor— so it would have to be soon."

was dressed, she was ready, she had here script in her hundred-and-twenty dollar tote bag. Yes, there it was, next to her glasses. Trying to remember what it was 3he'd been looking for, she took the glasscase from the small table, inserted her bifocals (embarrassing, they implied age), tucked them into place and stood in the center of the room. "Well, whatever it was, it can't be that important. I have my script, my glasses..." and checking as she mentioned items, "cigarettes, money, keys. Oh, to hell with it!" Grand gesture, toward exit, curtain. (But the phone rang again, and, of course, she had to come back.)

She recognized him immediately. His sculpted ass,, inside well-tailored jeans, was a triumph! Grabbing the bull by the horns (oh, how she would have loved to) Palma walked up to him. "Tex?" she inquired. He looked at her. Inside,Palma felt she could easily wet kelly green briefs, but outwardly, except for eye lids which perfomed like well-drilled Rockettes, she was poised . "Yes," he drawled and smiled. (Devastating white brilliance.) "I'm David Green. Been waiting long?" "Nope." They shook hands. The bartender shook his head. "Shall we sit outside, Hank?" "On the porch?" "Yes." (Isn't that cute? My God, the porch!) "All right." He stood waiting, but Palma indicated he was to precede her. (Legs a bit bowed, buttocks like two ripe melons!) "This okay?" Hank stood by a corner table. "Perfect," smiled Palma. "Want a drink?" Hank had carried his from the bar. "Yes. What's that?" "Bullshot." Question in her eyes. "Vodka and beef broth." "How weird," Ms. Frump giggled. "Good." "I'll try it!" (The two personalities inside, the ones she was aware of at least, were in conflict. A battle was raging. With giant will power, she succeeded in sublimating the one labeled "submissive" and reached into her "domi nant" bag— like switching from channel two to channel foul. Eyes taking on a cold, rather intense character, she freed herself and became he_.) The change was immediately apparent to Tex. It was incredible how the face changed. The pink cheeks looked less fleshy and it was almost as if the guy had instant ly grown a moustache. "Well," said Palma in a voice usually reserved for mixed company, "I'm happy you could make it. So many others would have said,'I can't possibly meet you on such short notice.'" (Oh, God, it was so difficult to look at this Cowboy and not be she.) They talked a lot. Palma never had trouble with that, and Hank, aided by the liquor, told easily that he was a writer; went on with ambitions, dreams, desires. Pal ma interjected several times, "Me, too!" and came to the conclusion, "We're so much alike!" "Think so?" "Oh, yes!" Hank's easy smile, familiar now like a star eight by ten glossy, sent promises of the Future swimming inside Palma's head— and to various other parts of her body. Suddenly Hank leaned forward. "You have very unusual eyes," he said seriously. Melting instantly into "submissive," (he was too fucking much) Palma leaned an elbow on the table, placed her hand under her chin and settled in for what she hoped would be a long, detailed explanation/description. "Yes?" she cooed.

"I'm unshaven..." "Well, you can have time to shave." (Oh, what a cute boy, what a darling1) "In an hour?" "Okay." "Good. Bee you then." Said in immodest tone. Jumping up, throwing caution and her robe to the wind, Palma flew in the direction of her bathroom, al most colliding with a bicycle left temporarily (two days ago) in the foyer of her apartment. With a vague idea of time in her head, she showered and shaved, singing tunes from the big Broadway Musicals of the Century— unrecognizable, except for lyrics. Gazing at her happy-woman image in the mirror, she doused her self with Canoe, added just a dash of Zizzane, inhaled deeply, dusted herself with scented powder and couldn't resist pinching the cheek of the person who, eyes shining, smiled back at her. Her audition later was for the part of a brain sur geon on one of the soaps, so she was forced to wear suit and tie. She couldn't find either pair of glasses. Both cases, set in upright position on stands, were empty. "Have you seen my glasses?" she asked in a tone reserved for addressing office boys or a lover. Realizing neither was near, she grumbled to herself. Che phone rang. It was Frankie Faye offering a free st for the theatre that evening. They chatted for twenty minutes or so. Then Palma remembered the time. Good ; a, she was late already— just how much she wasn't jure. And, what was it she needed? To shave? She check 'd. Ho, it wasn't that. What was it? Dear Lord, it was only one-thirty and already she needed a drink! She 36

They parted quickly, Palma waving to an empty cor ner, off to act butch and competent. Hank vent back to his fourth-floor walk-up— to change into "something more comfortable," sit down to the typewriter and won der who the fuck he had Just met. Or better yet, who they were. 'Don’t know, Henry," he said to himself in an English accent. Slicking down his eyebrow with dampened ring finger, checking his appearance in the mirror, he added, "Haven’t the foggiest, old man. 0. Henry..."

"*hy hell, yes- They're... they're vatery blue, cird in deep chocolate fcrovn." Another quick, eatable smi le. "Has anyone ever told you that before?" long, breathy, " N o c o c a n d it vas sot*, lei. She had r. conquered. This vas her mar,.' *

The watch, which Paisa hau placed on the table some time age, warned that the time for departure vas near. So scon, so fast," she complained. 'Vr.ere are you going? How?" "Bus," she replied. "I gave up cabs long ago when I, like you, turned ay back on the Sheltered Life." "I’ll walk you," Hank said, reaching for money. "Oh, no," insisted Palma, "this is on me."

David Mitchell 30? East 77th Street New York, N.Y. 10021

"No." "I insist." Smile. "All right. Thanks." As they left, he attempt ed to hold the door for her, but she refused. (That ass again.)

Soula (self-portrait) print Candor

ONL DAY IT JUST CAME RUSHING OUT

One day I came. That silky white fluid just came out in spurts. 1 tried to hold it back, for that was what I was told to do, for the utmost pleasure, by a sexually opened friend of mine. All that rubbing and pushing for about five minutes of warmth, and the sensation that just came welling up some tube that was in there. Then I was sad and lonely as i thought, this is what creates children. Every father of every child must have felt at least this. My own father must have. I knew that I was taking a chance, by opening up that can of worms. One more thing to think about, to worry about. One more thing to want. It must be different doing it with someone else, was the conclusion that I reached after doing it myself a few times. Is this what all the to do is about? Then I felt sad and lonely.

MY FIRST TIME

Frank Abbott 348 Nelms Ave. Atlanta, Ga. 30307

s*<£'

The first time you and I had sex-I apologized for my body. It sagged there and 1 said, "I'in sorry, does it bother you?" "I'll get dressed and leave." and you said, "NO". You were like a warm breeze; caressing. I with my eyes shut; unthinking. Until you noticed my wormy brown scar. When you fingered it, my eyes opened wide. "How did you get the scar?", you asked. "I’m sorry", 1 said, "does it bother you?" "No", you said, "I was just curious." 1 shut my eyes tight. It was a long time since I thought of that scar. My deep secrets are no longer hidden by clothes. "Give him a line", 1 thought. "It's an appendicitis scar." When it was over, we lay there. Me with my eyes shut, aware only ofmy heart, and breath after breath of air. You were looking around the room, lighting a cigarette. As if this was something that you did every day. You kissed me and said, "1 love you." "1 only go to bed with people 1 love." You just fall in love very easily.

John M. Calabrese P.0. Box 1942 So. Hackensack, N’J 07606

COMFORT IN MIND

in images in aftermath this afternoon you all my lovers come together in a single breath caressing me in other-warmth in memory responding

Frank Abbott 348 Nelms Ave. Atlanta, Ga. 30507

FINALLY, A WORKING PENIS

Finally, I've got a working penis, It's there, it does things. It took a while, to work it into condition. For 25 years it just hung there, no one explained to me, what it was for. My father should have been the service manual, but he was silent and I have no initiative. My mind was on a shelf somewhere, my body below it. I'd read in books, that the body was the house of the mind, and nothing more, but ray mind, my mind was god or some policeman, or the church, or my mother, a combination of all threekeeping it clean. I held on to my virginity like a woman of the 50's. As though it proved something. A moralist with no god. so no promise of reward. There was a silent knowledge in me, you know telling me I must avoid the unconsciousness of orgasm.

John M. Calabrese P.0. Box 1942 So. Hackensack, NJ 07606

COCKS AND POETRY

The anarchy you profess is most evident in both of these.

I read your Poem The dirty one, The one with cocks jumping out of underwear And waving stiffly in the air Released from control of the elastic band. I didn't like it. I thought it was gross. But I read it. I read the part about the mouth Sucking in the big head And when I got to the part Where the tongue rolled all over it, I got sick. But I read on. I read in Christopher Street How explicit sex Is an important part of Gay Men's poetry. I disagreed. I felt uncomfortable. But I read on Feeling that 1 was exhibiting prurient interest In what could have been beautiful. Instead it was tawdi'y and cheap .And done just for shock, Or somebody somewhere was at a loss lor words Or hadn't got out of the gutter. But I read on. It gets so confusing This poetry tiling. 1 search for examples Of the love that I feel Looking for lives shared in a meaningful wa>. All I find All that 1 find though Is a show-and-tel 1 parade Of glory-holes and rubber-band cocks. But still I read on.

Nov. 8 '77 Will Ballard Gen. Del. Guernewood Park, CA 95446

Cecil 4016 Piedmont Avenue Oakland CA 94011

THE ANARCHIST (for Phil) Your feet I didn't notice but that they're nice enough your legs finely shaped Hands and chest and face I knew before the nude encounter your gait I yearn to be more graceful than the stiff Indiana walk accentuated by your nakedness But your cock like your mind one of the best I've seen

To Whom It May Concern: The accompanying letter is addressed to me, but when you read it vou will see why 1 am lorwarding it to you. I have been working on the John Gibbs "case” and am beginning to get letters from other prisoners at the Penitentiary of New Mexico, such as this one. In order for prisoners there to receive mail the sender must be on an approved mailing list which requires filling out t form from the Dept, of Corrections; also, the inmate must have requested that the sender be on his mailing list. These are the regrettable facts. So, unless these formalities arc cleared it docs no good to try writing to someone inside. Apparently a letter does occassion al ly get through by accident, but the majority are re jected or opened and read and arc never seen by the ;)erson they arc intended for. Please do what you can for this brother. In gay struggle, Katherine Davenport Lambdas dc Santa lc, P.O.Box 2622, Santa Fe NM 87501. As a gay prisoner I am forced to endure 24 hour lock in filthy, overcrowded cells, and lack of any type programs, even religious ones'. All gay prisoners are jeopard)' here due to being unprotected by officials forced assaults, rapes. 1 had no way of getting any help in or out, but do have 3 writs 1 am attempting to get filed for the treat ment and conditions here, and tiansfci to eithci state or federal hospital for medical/mental help. Anyone that you can get to contact me with even cor respondence and support is deeply appreciated as the situation is very serious here with me and other gay prisoners. I deeply appreciate your help and hope to hear from you soon. In gay struggle, Lawrence Reed *25869 State Penitentiary of X.M., P.O.Box 1059, Santa FE MT 87501.

My dear friends, Enclosed herewith is a letter which I have written to my lover who I am unable to correspond with. It gives me a comfortable feeling knowing that it is being shared by others who are in tune with me. I've been in prison for 14 years, and believe me, that's a long highway. Peace, love, and best wishes to you, and each of you, Don Phelps *c-32 Box 711, Menard IL 62259.

up of in in

My beloved Smoky, Ihis morning I climbed to near-peak of a great mount ain and stood at the edge of a rock)' ledge looking across the empty space before me. Vaguely aware ol the subtle sting of the snow-chilled breeze against my face, I let my pack slide down by my feet and lowered myself to a verticle position on the hard surface of nature's majestic seat, I fished in my vest pocket for a joint of Panama Red for my heart, and poured myself a piping hot cup of coffee from my thermos. I decided to spike my coffee with a generous splash of peach brandy and after a few hits of the joint I leaned back to rest for a few minutes...then I tripped: It was a moment of us together again; just me there with you. We stood on hills of darkest green Overlooking pools of turquoise blue. To our left was a forest of white oak trees By a river winding its way; Our cabin of dream's desire Sat in a valley not too far away. On yon horizons afar, Snowpeaks capped mountains high, And the Sun sinking low in the west, Was a blazing ball of fire in the sky. Music from a magic guitar Filled the air as shadows turned to night; And a dazzling star in an ebony sky Sprayed us with sparkling light. Warm lips embraced and hearts beat strong; The music from the magic guitar Was the notes of your favorite song... The sweetness of your loving kiss, And the happiness of having you near, Wanned my heart; my soul; my mind, And brought forth a lonely tear... And the guitar played on. Slowly, the music of your favorite song began to lade and the scenic view before me began to take shape: I saw the snowy peaks in the distant light of faded blue. Below me great trees cast cool shadows over reaching saplings burdened with hanging vines, and the sound of roaring falls and the foggy mist rolling up as the water struck the rocks below touched heavy upon my senses. Then the cheerful song of a small bird caused me to smile until the wetness of that lonely tear re minded me that you were not there.

Ed Mead (left) 8 Doyle Turner, within Walla Walla walls. Ed sent us an update report on the Intensive Security Unit, news that all but 3 of the 10 immediate demands (put forth during the 1977 strike) have been more-orless-met, and than none of the 10 less-than-immediate demands have been met. A top priority is getting all prisoners in segregation freed into general population. Pressure is needed to move the authorities. You should write to Governor Dixie Lee Ray, Olympia WA 98405, and ask that the remaining demands be met, especially free ing seg. For the full report you can write to us here at RED, or to Men Against Sexism, Box 520, Walla Walla WA 99362. They need our help and support.

With deepest love, Don. 40

KRKE RITA

INSTEAD OF PRISONS: A Handbook for Abolitionists by Prison Research Education Action Project (PREAP) editor: Mark Morris December 1976, Syracuse NT This is a handbook for people who are willing to struggle to tear down the prison walls, abolishing the whole penal system as we know it. A plan to re institute "caring communities" where there are public solutions to public problems...reconciliation, media tion, restitution, persuasion 5 other more practical ways to do away with "crime". $6.50 + 50c, order from PREAP / 3049 East Genesee Streer / Syracuse NT 13224.

Lesbian feminist revolutionary, Rita D. Brown, was arrested in Seattle KA on Friday November 4 197". Rita, a long-time anti-authoritarian militant involved in the prison movement, is charged in connection with five bank robberies in Oregon. The robberies were part of the George Jackson Brigade's expropriation of funds, necessary to remain active. For the past three years the GJB has been active as a revolutionary underground organisation, centering activity in Washington and Ore gon. They have been the object of a massive person-hunt by the FBI since their emergance, another member (Fd Mead) is held captive in Walla Walla. In early 1976 a federal Grand Jury was instituted in Seattle in an at tempt to break the GJB and to split the Seattle "left" community. Unlike the reaction and divisiveness of the Seattle community at that time, reports of the support in the Seattle community around Rita Brown's arrest is heartening. With Rita's arrest, the prison, women's and gay move ments can expect a new barrage of repressive tactics. Already the FBI has been making visits throughout both Washington and Oregon. They are supposedly seeking in formation in connection with Rita's arrest. When the FBI approaches someone with this in mind, it is the le gal right of the individual to refuse to talk to them. This is the only realistic tactic to use, as lying to them is a felony, and anything that might be said can be used against the individual or someone else. Rita Brown is not alone. She is one of many women who have been arrested world-wide for fighting against the sys tem of class exploitation, racism and sexism. This herstory includes countless others who have been jailed for their fighting. She needs our support. For more information, you can contact either of the following committees, which are developing a nationwide campaign: Rita Brown Defense Committee Box 22204, Seattle WA 98122

A monthly journal by and for prisoner ex pression, a national network publication of the Prisoner's Union. Free to prisoners, $4 for students, $8 reg ular subscription.

Rita Brown Defense Committee P.O.Box 705, Eugene OR 97401 or you can write to Rita Brown at: P.O.Box 710, Salem OR 97308 where she was removed to, to face bank robbery and wea pons charges and held at $100,000 bail in the Marion County Jail.

The Outlaw/Prisoner's Union 1315 18th Street San Francisco CA 94107

"The purpose of this room--all the big words used here, the games of slick dressing, the games of proced ure, and the life and death power given to a few elite men is only another example of white, patriarchal rul ing class intimidation. I consider this court to be a disgusting and sick mockery of justice. Guilt is common ly defined as feeling remorseful for having done some thing wrong. I feel no regret at having entered the US Nat'l Bank in Wilsonville, Oregon on 2/7/77, handing the teller a note and leaving with $7,753. I do not con sider it wrong to participate in the act of expropriat ing the real robbers/criminals. Nor do I consider it wrong for the people, felons or not, to possess a wea pon. The people must be armed and that is why I carried a firearm during the bank robbery. Love f? Rage, Fire $ Smoke: Rita Brown" (from court statement, 1/11/78)

A newsletter by and for anti-authoritarian and Reichian-inspired pris oners inside 8 outside, international. available in Dutch fi English, from:

Ed. note: The above statement brings up many political issues--revolution, armed struggle, expropriation. We feel these things are not to be taken lightly, and en courage our readers, whether they agree or not with the revolutionary perspective of Rita Brown § the GJB, to investigate further the issues raised. A copy of the GJB political statement may be obtained by writing: Left Bank Books, 92 Pike Street, Seattle WA 98101.

Hapotoc/S.I.P. P.O.Box 896 8901-BR-Leeuwarden Holland

A newsletter by and for gay men in prison; sent free to any prisoner who asks for it. For outsiders, six is sues yearly $4.00 .Join Hands P.O.Box 42242 San Francisco CA 94142

Dear Sisters fi Brothers: Enclosed is an article written by Christopher Lemmond who is now an inmate at the Penitentiary of New Mexico; last week it was printed on the front page of Seers Rio Grande Weekly, an alternative press in Albu querque. At Christopher's request I am sending it to several gay publications and organizations around the country. He asks that you "please read it and pass it around to your friends (or better yet, print it). I appeal directly to you and your organization for sup port. 'Ihis is so very important to me and all of my brothers inside this dump. Rape is one of the biggest problems in prison today. It is also the most unpub licized and covered-up. Ihe Anita Bryants of this world are in every part and level of our government (bureau cracy) . It is here, in prisons, that they have the pow er to torture, maim, and kill without fear of public exposure. All cock roaches run from the bright lights of publicity and protest, do they not?" At the time this article was printed Christopher was in the cell next to political prisoner John Gibbs; it is very likely that he has been moved by now. John 5 Christopher are filing a class action suit against the prison naming all gay prisoners in the Penitentiary of New Mexico as plaintiffs. If they win the case any mon ey would go to a gay prisoners legal defense fund. Ihere is no doubt that Christopher will be retaliat ed against for his protests, as John has been, but he knew this was more than a possibility when he sought publicity. Conditions are so bad where they are that they don't have much to lose. If you are interested in a story or more information on John Gibbs please let me know. In gay struggle, Ka tlierine Davenpor t Lambdas de Santa Fe, P.O.Box 2622, Santa Fe NM 87501.

I wish that I could correspond directly with you. I'd be very excited to hear news of progress in our fight for rights; but as it is I'm having to smuggle this let ter out to you. There are so many abused gay prisoners that are held incommunicado without knowing where to turn for help. Hopefully, with your support we can change all of this. With you in spirit, Christopher Wayne Lemmond.

In late July of 1976 I was sentenced to the Penitent iary of New Mexico for armed robbery. On the morning of the”fifth day here I was raped and stabbed by five in mates. I made up ray mind that I would rather stay lock ed up in solitary for the entirety of my 10-50 year sen tence than allow myself to be used as a tool for mastur bation by the inmates here. I was placed in segregation, in a 6 by 9' cell surrounded by hostile, angry men who were constantly looking for someone on whom to vent their emotions. Because I'm young, gay and good-looking (which is by no means something to brag about in prison) I became their scapegoat. I'd never encountered blind hate in this vast amount before. Hie staff tried to pursuade me into going to the "protection unit". It was lucky that I didn't be cause in September a man was killed for trying to keep a 17 year old from being gang raped. During the next three months I suffered being set on fire, solid and liquid human waste thrown on me, and constant verbal harrassment. I fought them from 6am until midnight, ev ery day of the week. It was very much a moral thing with me. I've never been able to let an anti-gay remark pass. I fought as if my life depended on every battle. There is something inside me that will not let me be abused as a gay man. I've refused to be the epitome of the "bus station queer" stereo-type that the other in mates expected me to be. This only served to threaten the inmate's macho egos. Breaking my will became a chal lenge to them. The fighting became worse. After a long, hard three months I gave up and requested solitary con finement. For about two months I lived without anything but food. The "hole" is a 6 by 9" cell kept darkened all of the time. No one is allowed mail or to write, no books, cigarettes or newspapers. At 10:50pm a mattress was giv en to me, and taken away again at 6am. Sometimes the drain in the closet where the mattresses were stored would flood raw sewage soaking the mattresses leaving them smelling so foul that I could not sleep on them. Cockroaches woke me by crawling on my face and inside my clothes. But the worst was the long hours with noth ing what-so-ever to do. After nearly two months I had changed so much I almost didn't know myself. I had lost 20 lbs., but the big change was mental. I paced the floor, four steps to the front of the cell, turn and four steps to the back. I became unable to control my temper. I laughed and cried without any reason or con trol. Finally I began to fear for my sanity. I request ed to be let out, knowing I could only expect the same hassle I'd already experienced. In March of 1977 I de cided to go into the protection unit.

p r o te c tio n '

The conditions are even worse in protection. The unit is 100% overcrowded, meaning that two people live in a cell the size of a ping-pong table. There isn’t enough room to get out of bed. Out of the forty windows in front of my cell 19 were broken out and had been for 2 years. It gets very cold in Santa Fe. One of the worst things about the unit is many people in it are insane. Overcrowding extends itself to the State Hospitals too. The guards, knowing people in the protection unit fear for their lives, abuse us to am incredible extent. The verbal harassment by the guards is much worse than any where else in the prison. In addition, the guards vio late the prison's policies. They force extra short hair cuts. When they feel like doing so they refuse to allow inmates to buy* canteen without bringing disciplinary' charges up to warrent their doing it. I've seen a guard open a cell with the expressed reason of getting the inmate out to beat up another inmate. Complaints are met with, "shut up or we'll send >rou out to general pop ulation", where the inmate would be beaten, stabbed, raped or killed. But to me all of this was worth going through, because in the protection unit everyone was al lowed to go outside for an hour every week. I hadn't been outside in almost a y'ear.

I found later that there are many other problems liv ing in protection. I found that the parole board dis criminates against protection cases and gay people. People in protection are not allowed use of the psycho logical treatment, educational programs or any type of rehabilitation programs. So it is inpossible to build a favorable record to show to the parole board. As for discrimination against gays, one man told me of his in to n i e w by the parole board. His conduct record was dis cussed for S minutes, and his sexuality was discussed for an hour. The parole board then told him, "this pris on is heaven for you queers with all these men around. Hie courts did you a favor by sending you up here. We think you need more time to learn your lesson." We are not allowed to have a radio or television. No musical instruments are permitted. We can't have more than six books a year, or take correspondence courses. There are no such restrictions on general population. We are not allowed to use the prison library or view the movies we pay for with the profit made on the canteen we buy. We are only allowed to buy l/8th of the amount of canteen general population can buy. These are the same restric tions placed on inmates who have broken major rules, such as stabbing someone. And yet the administration swears we are not being punished. On November 25, 1977 I began a non-violent protest in the form of a hunger strike. Without psychological treatment I've no chance of making parole. I didn't feel I was able to exist under these conditions for the next 25 years or until they paroled me at their whim. I was thrown into the "hole" once again. After 11 days I began to eat because I was unable to get publicity of the situation. The letter I'd sent to The Albuquerque Journal had been intercepted. I was taken in front of the Segregation Committee on December 15th which review ed the incident, placed me back on protection status and recommended I be returned to the protection unit. I had to remain in the disciplinary unit until a bedspace was vacant. Again, because of overcrowding, another in mate from general population was placed in my cell on December 14th. That night I was raped. It was hours be fore I was able to get help.

I've made up my mind to fight this thing. I'm assist ing in the prosecution of the rapist. I'm also taking civil action against the New Mexico Department of Cor rections in both State and federal court. Unfortunately, mine is not a unique story. Actually I've been luckier than most young gay and non-gay men in prison. I've seen what a person looks like after they have been over powered and sold for a pack of cigarettes again and again until no one would pay. Then they become "house property". Sexual slavery is conmon here. Gay men are often put up as money in poker games. They have no con trol over who their "owners” are or what is done to them. They are loaned out to their "owners" friends, beaten and pimped. I know of one case in which a man was hung because he "wasn't tight anymore". Gangs of in mates known as "Booty Bandits" line up to knowingly bat ter the insides of a pre-selected victim.

When a person in general population is raped he can do one of six things. 1) Go to protection. 2) Press charges on the rapist(s) which would eventually lead to protection or death. 5) Become a "kid" or sex slave to one inmate who has the power to treat him anyway lie feels fit for protection from abuse on a grand scale. 4 Do nothing, which means he is public property. 5) Get a knife and kill whoever raped him. bl Get a knife and kill himself. Incredibly, the prison officials block any effort to remedy this situation. The publicity in volved in prosecuting an inmate rapist reflects badly on them. They refuse to let gay publications in the prison which would help gay people organize and resist this treatment. Gay cultural groups, gay political groups, religious groups or gay lifestyle education which would help educate the straight inmates and dispel the myths wildly held are vehemonentlv prohibited. All the while people are being hurt physically and mentally. Indeed, when people are taught such total disrespect of a per son's basic human right to control their own sex lives it can only harm society in the long run. The psychological damage to the victims as one would expect is devastating. I've seen people totally with drawn, almost catatonic, for several days after being raped. The long term effects arc in many people. The in ability to feel emotions, depersonalization, suspicion of other peoples motives in forming friendships, and blind hate against the system which made this rape pos sible. .411 of this is detrimental to the rehabilitation of a person. Yet with all this damage no programs are provided to help the prison rape victim cope with his inner feelings. Segregation, refusal of psychological treatment, added restrictions and punishment are all that are given. Often, suicides are the result. The of ficials call it "The Homosexual Problem", yet rarely, if ever, are the rapists gay men. The prison officials place the blame on us gay people and evidently feel we are being dealt with justly. In reality it is they who are to blame. At the root of the problem is the overcrowded conditions, the inhuman treat ment of all inmates, the lack of education of straight inmates about gay people, the refusal to allow gay peo ple to unite to defend themselves, and the absence of a way for all inmates to vent their inevitable feelings about their treatment and living conditions. These feel ings manifest themselves in violence, and often sexual violence. By fostering hate and violence between inmates the officials can continue to deal out inhuman treatment to all of us. United we would force a change in this sit uation. The officials know this and they know they are safe as long as the situation exists. We need help inside badly. Together, with our brothers and sisters on the streets, we can fight this with pub licity and protest. With unity inside and outside we will win. This is a life and death situation to many peo ple. As I have written this article one man has disem boweled himself and another has slit his own throat. I do not know if they are dead or not. Both occurred less than 30 feet from my cell. It is worth a 13<t stamp.. please write in support of my case and in protest of the whole situation that makes the rape of our brothers pos sible.

Please send your letters of support to: Christopher Lemmond c/o Katherine Davenport Lambdas de Santa Fe Santa Fe NM 87501 Please send your letters of protest and outrage to: Governor Jerry Apodace State Capitol Bldg. Santa Fe NM 87501 Warden Clyde Mai ley Penitentiary of New Mexico P.O.Box 1059 Santa Fe NM 87501

write

A friend is a human loving— compassionate with common interests— understanding— with feelings of honestyaccepting growing and supporting all feelings— by and for all reasons with concern for one's relations--FRIENDSHIP does not break like a twig not for competition show nor greed! A friend is a human being---! Will You Be My Friend?

I am a poet a poet in drag--writing my verse composing my songs Yes — 1 am a poet a poet whose body has no bearing--a [K>et whose only demand is — his soul---his writing his love for the soul of the Muse--for the soul of those that will gather with me while I sing you of love! Ramon Rendon

Ramon Rendon

MY PAST

. .

My past is but a dream a tiling unreal or so it seems my past is sealed I look back with sorrow at my used up tomorrows that I threw away thinking only of the day It's as though I didn't exist for a tomorrow the future held I lived a past of sin I don't wish to remember again

prison , poets

THESE PRISONERS NEED YOU TO WRITE TO THEM! Cleveland Coleman #123316, P.O.Box 779, Marquette MI. Ricky Labora #147-849, P.O.Box 69, London OH 43140. Roderick A. Jackson #64-114/038596, P.O.Box 221, Raiford FL 32083. Steve Landberg, Box B, F-26750-YC, St. Cloud MN 56301. Ramon (Rendon) Vasquez, 437 N. Hoover, LA CA 90004.

I loved everyone I chanced to meet but then gave up with defeat for none could love such as "me" a born chooser of tragedy As if they did without a doubt I killed their love and threw it out 1 was a roamer I chased the lands seeking thrills in every co m e r living with a pen in my hand Of the things I did I shudder to think from the wells of hell I took a drink I had money, coors and men broke hearts without a thought it made me happy to think of all the hurt I brought For I had fame everyone knew my name I did what others wanted to do i dared and did and liked it too But now the past is dead I want to get it out of my head for I'm looking for a brand new start a tomorrow when Love can fill my heart. Calvin Godfrey #4198 Box 160, Prince Albert Saskatchewan Canada S6V 5R6

mtltKMR »r*r» By the end of *Tf. thing* w%» Nr e*TV M K V for alt m irw *rt« b k t him . M y i R n h m M i " The h a t H l tA It alread y on Hm w ay. and I r h * » » i n * • peearm atty he*d ' b ek ef. not a hand polrcv I fear th m ge gefl m * wrwne. not b f l tf f " rhdn*t chat m ak e h it lyrics potent* a I killers a t far aa th e hood’s fu tu re w as cost

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'B o u t t h e m r a id in ' o u r p u b s l o r n o reason a t ull L in in g th e ru*t«»nn-r* up hy t h e w a ll P ic k in g o u t p eo p le unit k n o c k in g t h e m down R e s is t in g a r re s t u» th e y 'r e k i c k e d o n t h e ground S e a r c h in g t h e ir h o u se * und cu llin g th em q u eer I d o n ’t b e l i e v e t h a t so rt o j thing h ap p en s h e r e S in g if y o u ' r e g la d t o h e g u y S in g if y o u 're happy th at wuy — h e y S in g if y o u ’r e g io d to b e gu y S in g if y o u 'r e h a p p y th is w ay P ic tu r e s o f n a k e d young w om en a r e f u r " In T itb its a n d P la y b o y , p a g e t h r e e o j th e T h e r e ' s no n u d e s in G uv News — our o ne m acu zin e b u t th ey s t ill fin d e x c u s e s to c a ll tt o b s c e n e R e a d h o w d is g u s t in g w e a r e in t h e p r e s s In the T e le g r a p h . P e o p le and Sunduy E x p ress M o le s t e r s o f c h ild r e n , c o r r u p t o r s o f youth It's th ere in t h e p a p e r . . . it m u st be t h e tru th D o n 't try to h id us th at if y o u ' r e d is c r e e t You r e p e r f e c t l y s a f e u s y o u w a lk d o w n t h e street Y o u d o n 't h ave to m in e * o r m ake bit* hy rem a rk s T o g e t b e a ten u n co n scio u s an d le ft in th e d ark I h u d u f r i e n d w h o wos g e n t le a n d s h o r t H e was lo n e l y o n e ev en in g und w ent /or u w a lk Q u t e r b u s h e r s c a u g h t him a n d k i c k e d in hut teeth H e was o n ly h o s p it a lis e d . fo r a w eek S o ait buck a n d w a t c h u* t h e y c lo s e down our c lu b s A r r e s t u s f o r m e e t in g a n d rani a ll o u r p u b s M a k e s u r e y o u r b o y fr ie n d s a t le a s t t w e n t y S o o n ly y o u r fru rn d s u n d y o u r b ro th e r«* get d one L i e to y o u r u u r k m a l t s a n d l i e to yo u r /oiks P u t d o w n t h e q u e e n s a n d t e ll a n ti queer la k e s G a y L ib s rid ic u lo u s /om th eir la u g h t e r T h e b u g g e r s a r e le g a l n ow — when m ore a re th ey a fte r ? " 9 W ords and m u s k b> rep rodu ced by p erm ission . It w asn l. h r

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in our culture

Culture is not fitting into the capitalist, nuclear fam ily unit. Culture is the faggots and lesbians struggling to smash capitalism. Culture is our strength in being different. Culture is coming out of the closets, out of the bed rooms, and letting amerika know we are here. Culture is centuries of Christianity attempting to de stroy our sexuality and nature-spirit. Culture is years of telling myself that spiritually I'll never get to where I want to go, because queers don't make it that high.

Culture is the fear 5 embarassment I felt growing up, knowing I was attracted to other boys. Culture is the guilt I've felt 5 have to work thru for being a pervert, faggot, sissy, queer, coward. Culture is the gay sisters and brothers who completely internalized their oppression and took their own 1ives. Culture is a history of faggots and lesbians that were choked, burned, drowned, executed, jailed, raped in prison, fired, black-mailed, dis-inherited, declared insane, witch-hunted, stereotyped, castrated, analyz ed, drugged and electro-shocked. Culture is a history of gay men and women who struggled for their freedom. Culture is our history destroyed and hidden by homophob ic straights.

Culture is faggot fathers and lesbian mothers fighting to keep their own children. Culture is the anger I feel towards straight men who op press me and don't deal with their sexuality. Culture is not being able to pass for a straight man both physically and emotionally. Culture is two ten-year old boys in the supermarket ask ing me, "are you in your halloween disguise?" Culture is faggot consciousness-raising, study groups and zap tactics. Culture is screaming out loud, "I'm gay and proud!" Culture is whispering in my heart and soul, "I'm gay and proud!"

Culture is pretending to convince myself and the other men I had sex with in high school that we aren't queers. Culture is young faggots and lesbians locked up in the school systems. Culture is the anger I feel for all those years of het erosexist conditioning and oppression. Culture is faggots being invisible because of fear. Culture is the release and ecstasy I felt when I found out I wasn't the only one. Culture is strength and pride in coming out.

Shawn Laughingtree 375 Redwood llts. Road, Aptos CA 95003. U6

STOP THU PRESSES ? On the morning of October 25 we were vandalised by persons both methodical and serious in destructive in tent. Five thousand copies of Rita Mae Brown's A Plain Hrown Rapper were soaked with solvent and ruined. Our equiptment--including printing presses and typesetting composers--was filled with thick printers ink, paint, chemicals, and Comet cleanser. The typesetting and paste-up of at least three new fall books were torn up and vital material for reprinting other books was de stroyed. Plates were destroyed, negatives were crushed and covered with rubber cement, and paste-up and lay-out pulled apart, ripped up and thrown everywhere. Manu scripts, correspondence, checks, accounts payable, ac counts receivable, bookkeeping records, files, etc. were rifled, torn up, strewn around and dumped with chemicals and ink. Ke do not yet know the full extent of the dam age, only that it is very serious. We have been placed in severe financial and productive jeopardy by this action and request your patience in ful filling our obligations to you. Sincerely, Coletta Reid / Diana Press As the above letter indicates, small presses/newspapers are incredibly vulnerable to such attacks. Especial ly if they are feminist, woman or gay oriented. Ironic ally we received word of this violent attack from the Body Politic (as well as Diana Press themselves) people who themselves came under attack within days of the Diana Press communique. Both attacks came from people who wanted to silence the Press. In the case of Diana Press we do not know at the time of this writing who did it. In the following letter from Body Politic it is all too apparent who is behind the blatant censorship. It is up to the feminist/gay community, our community, to stand behind these presses in their/our hard times. As the saying goes, hard times are fighting times, and we must not simply sit back and allow our presses to be de stroyed. We could be next, and that thought fills us with rage, the same rage that fills us when we hear that our sisters § brothers at other presses are under dir ect attack. We ask that you support Diana Press with letters as well as contributions to help them get back into opera tion. The work they are doing is important and must not be brought to a complete standstill. Please do what you can, addressing any support to: Diana Press, 4400 Market Street, Oakland CA 94608. On Friday, December 30 at 5pm, four officers of the Metropolitan Toronto Police and one Ontario Provincial Police officer entered the office of The Body Politic armed with a search warrant. The warrant authorized the officers to search for "corporate records, invoices and documents pertaining to business operations" which might afford evidence relevant to charges which might be laid under Section 164 of the Criminal Code of Canada ("use of the mails for the purpose of transmitting or deliver ing anything that is indecent, immoral or scurrilous"). After searching for three and a half hours, the po lice filled twelve large crates with records and docu ments and took them away "to study." They took subscrip tion lists, distribution 8 advertising records, corpor ate and financial records, ad files and addresses, man uscripts for future publication, and the checkbook. All copies of the three books offered for sale by Pink Tri angle Press Book Service (Loving Man, The Joy of Lesbian Sex, and the Joy of Gay Sex) were seized as well. The raid followed mounting media attention directed at The Body Politic by homophobic Toronto Sun columnist Claire Hoy. Using as a pretext an article in the latest issue entitled "Men Loving Boys Loving Men", Hoy launch ed the latest of his many assaults on the gay community.

Lambasting The Body Politics receiving of Ontario Arts Council grant money, Hoy asserted that "our taxes help homosexuals promote abuse of children." The grants in question represent less than 2% of The Body Politic's annual operating budget. In another column that appeared on Christmas day Hoy repeated his viciously homophobic attacks, and two days later an editorial on the subject appeared in the Sun. It was entitled "Bawdy politic" and stated that "Toronto needs an Anita Bryant to put prior ities right and to rout the moral plague." Anita Bryant was due to begin a cross'Canada tour in Toronto on Jan uary 15. But not all gay oriented news in Canada has been as narrow and destructive. The nation-wide Weekend Magazine of December 17 presented a positive article on gay peo ple. The day before the Quebec National Assembly passed a landmark bill prohibiting discrimination against homo sexuals in housing and employment. A similar recommend ation is under consideration in Ontario, for that prov inces Human Rights Code. These developements certainly are influential on homophobic columnists, newspapers and officials of the state. Despite the difficulties caused by the raid, The Body Politic collective intends to keep the paper alive. It is Canada's oldest and most widely respected gay public ation, and has been a vital link between gay groups and individuals across Canada and around the world. The raid is part of a trend that is blowing against gay people and their publications, already we have seen Britain's Gay News sued for blasphemous libel, as well as Diana press' vandalization, and now this. Where will it end? As a spokesperson for The Body Politic said, "The gay liberation movement, which gave birth to this paper, will not be intimidated. We will make every effort to continue to publish." Legal battles are costly, and usually drawn out, and these are ways that weaken our movement. We can help by sending our support, our contributions to our friends at The Body Politic. A defense fund has been set up and contributions should be forwarded to: Lynn King, in trust for The Body Politic Free the Press Fund c/o Cornish, King, Sachs and Waldman, Barristers and Solicitors 111 Richmond Street West, Suite 320, Toronto, Ontario Canada M5H 3N6. We, as responsible, caring members of the gay commun ity must speak up and continue to speak up for freedom of the press. Without our presses we lose an important . form of inter-communication. One of the greatest strengths of a movement and a truly free society is its free media, and we are now facing the attempted silenc ing of our media. It is up to us to stop this conspir acy, no one else will do it for us. As someone at The Body Politic said, "Silence now will only lead to a much more devastating silence later."

r v >

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Communiques from Diana Press $ The Body Politic. Editing and commentary by J. Elliott.

With this issue RFD has a new printer. Issues §11 through 14 were printed in Portland at a targe printing business, but the tctak of professionalism by this print factory led us to again begin our search for a new printer. We have been hampered in this by financial limitations; smaller print-shops just couldn't give us a competitive price. Finally we were able to come up with a new printer and they are within miles of Wolf Creek. A small family owned/operated press. Still to cut costa we have reduced our printing from 3,000 to 2,b00. The cost is comparable to that of the larger print-shop (t>1650 tor this issue), but with much high quality and less cost in transportation. 'lour response to the financial plea in issue §13 has allowed us to pay off our debts and get back, on our feet fi nancially. However, when the printing of this issue is paid for our bank, balance will again be uncomfortably close to zero. We need your continued financial support in the form, of subscriptions and donations. Thank you. The Northwest Collective

blurbs LESBIAN DEFENSE FUND

Lesbian Defense Fund works to help lesbian mothers keep their children. It is a new organization. We have handled four cases. Two are still pending. Two were settled in the Mother's favor, out of court. In August of this year, the case we have worked on the most ended successfully out of court. We distributed a flyer l) to share the victory and 2) to alert lesbians that we are still functioning as a resource. In it we published the statement that LDF has a "100$ success rate in its completed cases." In November, LDF received a letter of supportive criticism from Lesbian Mother's National De fense Fund (Seattle), criticising our use of that state ment as being misleading, LDF is grateful for the sup portive input and accepts the criticism. We now feel that that statement, while specifically true, was very misleading, and created a possibly damaging illusion of what the situation is really like for the lesbian moth er facing a custody battle. The fact is that both suc cessful LDF cases were settled out of court. This is an easier option than going to court, an option that most lesbians facing custody battles simply don't have. Most are forced to go to court, and if they can afford to do that, most lose. Most custody cases are gruelling, emo tionally and financially draining and unsuccessful. Lesbian Mother's National Defense Fund has done ex cellent work in its handling of over two hundred cases in the last few years. Of the women who went to court, about two-thirds lost their kids, although they were encouraged by LMNDF to exhaust every possible alterna tive, including settling out of court. This record in no way deters from the prime work record of the Fund. It is simply a harsh reflection of the political and social climate around lesbian parenting. We wish to laud the work of other defense funds in the nation and to clarify the difficulty of lesbian custody cases l) so that women will know what situation they face, and 2) so that people not personally facing the loss of their children because of homosexuality will understand the degree of discrimination and oppression that exists, and will offer their energy and money in support of the struggle. LDF is ready now to deal with other lesbians' strug gle to keep their kids. There are several ways to do that. We can offer assistance to women and children taking any of the several options. We function through a system of support groups. A support group is organiz ed around each mother and children. That support group comes to us for advice and referral, and then does the bulk of the legwork for that custody situation. We are non-profit and tax exempt. Write for information. Lesbian Defense Fund P.0. Box U, Essex Junction, VT 05^52.

CARRIER PIGEON Carrier Pigeon is a new radical book and magazine distributor. They carry RFD, Zero, Gay Left and much other hard-to-find literature. For a complete listing of their stock, write: Carrier Pigeon 88 Fisher Avenue, Boston MA 02120 GAY COMMUNES & COLLECTIVES Are you out there? We at RFD would like to put to gether a list of gay communities as an aid to our gay brothers looking to connect with such groups. Sand us a letter about yourselves, if you're open to new mem bers, visitor's policy, etc. The list we compile will be available to gay men in need of contact, and also possibly be published in RFD. the RFD Collective.

PARAGRAPH, A QUARTERLY OF GAY FICTION Gay art is an integral part of the struggle for our human rights. We cannot depend only on demonstrations, meetings, law-suits and elections for our survival. We need to build culture as well as a history. To celebrate our existance in as many ways as possible. Plans for a new West Coast gay magazine were announ ced over a year ago in the gay and women's press. Writ ers were invited to submit quality prose fiction about all aspects of the lesbian and gay male experience: traditional as well as innovative and experimental work. Now the first issue of Paragraph, A Quarterly of Gay Fiction, nears completion. Help is still needed in the form of tax-deductable donations and subscriptions. A one year sub (four is sues) is $10. A sample copy is $3. Foreign subs are $12 a year, for a sample copy. The rate for institutions is tib per year, $5 for a sample copy. Paragraph / Hie Anteres Foundation, Dept. RA Box 1L051, San Francisco CA 9^111*.

AMERICA’S LONGEST WAR Since Pre-colonial times Native Americans have been steadily losing their native lands, power and culture. 20th century white Americans say, "we had nothing to do with that; what is done is done." Well, today, there IS something that can be done to show that we are concerned about what is happening to the Native American People. We must now, vocally, break our silence against the extermination of the Native Am erican People because there are four Bills before Con gress which, when they become law, will guarantee that there will be no more Native American People. Listen: House of Representatives Bill 9051*: Native Americans Equal Opportunity Act. This bill says: "The President of the United States shall, as soon as practicable after the date of enactment of this Act, abrogate (end) all treaties (emphasis mine) entered into between the Unit ed States and any Indian tribe". It goes on to say: "Thereafter individual members of the tribe shall not be entitled to any of the services performed by the United States for Indians because of their status as In dians , all statutes of the United States which affect Indians because of their status as Indians shall no longer be applicable to the members of the tribe, and the lavs of the several States shall apply to the tribe and its members in the same manner as they apply to other citizens or persons within their juisdiction." What more needs to be said about this Bill? Listen: House of Representatives Bill 9950: Omnibus Indian Jurisdiction Act of 1977- "In order to allow Indian tribes to choose to preserve their unique cultural identities, it is the policy of Congress to allow to In dian tribes a limited power of self-government over af fairs on the reservation among their members." Emphasis mine. Are you listening? More... House of Representatives Bill 9951: Quantification Amount of Federal Reserved Water Rights for Indian Res ervations Act. It is hard to quote from this Bill be cause it is lengthy and full of technical terms. What it says in essence: all water rights claimed by Native Americans on their reservations would be limited "in the amount of the highest actual permissible uses in any of the 5 years preceding January 1 1977". If they need more water in 1981+, they will have to buy it! Their own water!! And still more... Senate Bill 11+37: Criminal Code Reform Act of 1977. Most unfortunately we still haven't been able to obtain a copy of this Bill. But it is disasterous, not only to Native Americans, but to the larger section of the pop ulation. But this article is for the Native Americans. The part of this Eill that affects them would, again, abolish all previous treaties between Native Americans and the U.S. Government. This Bill will be up for Senate floor discussion in early 1978 and little opposition is ex pected !! A post-script: This Bill could have been written by Nixon himself! This is the infamous "Senate Bill 1" re worded for easier passage. In closing, we can only say - the Native American is an endangered species. VERY ENDANGERED; and they are human beings! Please, write the President and your Congressperson and tell them you oppose "HR 905*+, HR 9950, HR 9951, and SBll+37". And one easy step further... commit yourself to tell your friends what is happening, and see to it that at least 2 of them send letters also. The bottom line: Do you care enough to do something about this? Please!! Let us stop America's Longest War.

MORE NUCLEAR POWER STATIONS As the battle over energy policy and nuclear power grows, Green Mountain Post Films is doing its best to keep up witn an increasing flow of information and event s . Towards that end, we have begun the American distri bution of a remarkable Danish film called MORE NUCLEAR POWER STATIONS. It is a fifty minute documentary tour through a cross-section of German, French, Belgian and English atomic facilities. During November, MORE NUCLEAR POWER STATIONS played for a week in New York City. Joseph Gelmis, writing in Newsday, called the film "perhaps the most effective indictment of the nuclear power industry ever filmed. The film is a concise, factual, detailed report of how such plants operate and how they pile up radioactive wastes they are increasingly hard-pressed to dispose of. The film is made all the more terrifying by its low-key English narration of apocalypse in the making." Janet Maslin, in the N.Y. Times, wrote: "It's hard to imagine anyone's condoning the proliferation of atomic plants after viewing MORE NUCLEAR POWER STATIONS, a Danish film that coolly examines an utterly ghastly situation. With its elaborate technology and its workers in grimly futuristic safety outfits, the film looks like science fiction without the romance. This is an extraordinarily tough and persuasive film, one that makes its point through the use of cold, hard facts..." The supply of fair and complete information on the nuclear controversy is very short. The U.S. Government, which has produced literally hundreds of "educational" films about nuclear power, nas neglected to mention any hazards, risks or alternatives. Utility companies offeronly films with an even more narrowly pro-nuclear bias. Green Mountain Post Films is dedicated to an open, intelligent discussion of the nuclear controversy. We are a small, non-profit corporation that could use what ever help you can give in spreading the word about MORE NUCLEAR POWER STATIONS. Purchase price is $600, class room rental $50, auditorium rental $75. Thank you very much for your help in this effort. Charles Light / GMP Films P.0. Box 177, Montague MA 01351. Note: We of the RFD staff feel that nuclear power and the proliferation of nuclear power plants is a clear and present danger to ourselves and the environment. We feel at the basis of this controversy is the profit motive of power companies and capitalist corporations> such as General Electric. They benefit monetarily from the nuc lear power industry with very little thought of the long range effects of this source of energy. We encourage our readers to join in the fight for safe, clean energy. This film is one means that we can use to educate others about this issue.

Lawrence Bersano 1+28 S. 9th St., Klamath Falls OR 97601. 1+9

TOFU CHA-CHA (Dedicated to Denys Howard) Reflecting the contradictions and ecstacies of the anarchist communist milieu that many of us faggots are a part of. 4-5 pieces of raw Tofu (14 x 4 x 3") 2 small cans of tomato paste 1 large eggplant 2 medium-sized onions a few handfuls of sesame seeds a small handful of sweet basil flakes 1 tablespoon of oregano flakes a pinch or two of "grandma's seasoning" (if you can find it) garlic, amount dependant on inclination sesame oil Use a wok or a large deep cast-iron skillet. Chop onions and eggplant. Eggplant is best chopped into long narrow pieces. Fry them both with liberal amounts of oil. Eggplant needs to be cooked until it is slimmy, about a half-hour at moderate heat. Add grandma's seas oning. Drain tofu and cut into large pieces. Place them on top of the vegies. Simmer for ten minutes. Sprinkle oregano. Mix the tomato paste, basil and water until thick. Pour over the tofu. Sprinkle sesame seeds on top of the tomato sauce. Bake at 400° for 15 minutes. Just before serving, sprinkle crushed garlic over top.

AFTER THE REVOLUTION ALMOND MILK

RECIPE FOR JEWISH-STYLE CHICKEN SOUP, sometimes known as Jewish penicillin as passed down to me by my grandmother, Molly Suslak Young 1 chicken, organically grown if possible, cut in quarters or smaller pieces 1 onion, medium-sized, cut in half 1 clove of garlic 1 or 2 heads of dill 2 stalks of celery, cut in 3" pieces 2-3 carrots, cut in 3" pieces salt, to taste 4-6 quarts of water, depending on size of chicken and size of pot Bring to a boil, then simmer for one hour at least, more if the chicken is tough. Serving suggestion: Pour off about one quart of broth and use it to boil some noodles. My grandmother used thin egg noodles, but 1 like the thin bean-thread noodles you can buy in a Chinese grocery store. You can serve the soup with the chicken pieces right inside it, or you can save the chicken and remove it from the bones after cooling to make chicken salad. (This recipe is especially good for old hens. On the chicken farm that was my home from my birth until I went away to college, my father slaughtered several chickens a week for our own use. Hens that he had culled because they were moulting or had otherwise stopped lay ing were usually chosen for the soup pot.) - Allen Young, Butterworth Farm, RFD 2, Orange MA 01364

When struggles on all sides seem frustrating and gloomy, I can always count on my almond milk. A taste of the future fruits of our revolution. 1 ripe banana 3-5 pitted dates a handful of almonds 4 teaspoon of vanilla extract

NOG 1 egg 14 tablespoon chocolate or carob powder 24 tablespoon sugar or honey or to taste 1-1/3 cups milk

Put in a blender with 3/4 pint of water. Blend. Makes slightly more than a pint. - Brent Ingram, Box 35243-e, Vancouver, B.C., Canada

Put everything into a blender and mix until choc olate and sugar are mixed in. Pour into glass and drink. Serves 1. Note: it tastes better when chilled. (You can use any kind of flavoring.) CANDY (REAL JUNK) 4 cup water 2 cups sugar food coloring Put sugar and water in pot. Add more water until mixture thins. Add food coloring. Heat until it boils. Put tin foil or alum, foil on cookie sheet. Put mixture on cookie sheet a little at a time in little globs. Let cool in refridgerator until hard. - Patrick Tuttle, age 12, address unknown. 50

Some of the brothers may be looking for places to buy their seeds for that vegetable garden this Spring. The following companies I have done business with most of them, and find all of them reliable. Ihe othei thing is they all offer seeds by mail, which is nice tor us country folks. If you are new at gardening try some of the comp anies near you or in your general area. They will offer varieties that are suited to your growing conditions. Often times what may grow well for me may not do a thing for you on the west*coast or in the deep south, so this is why I say buy your seeds in your general area. Then in future years if you want to try some of the other things which sound interesting, go ahead and try them. But that first year you want to have everything to grow reasonably well for you. If you are looking for some thing special write me and I will help you if I can. - John R. Perkins, Box 588, Edgartown MA 02559

IV. At lee Burpee Co. 500 Park Avenue Warminster PA 18974

General listing of vegetables and flower seeds. Some nursery stock.

Kelley Bros. 25 Maple Street Dansville NY 14437

More of a nursery specializing in small fruits S fruit trees for the north east.

DeGiorgi Co., Inc. Council Bluffs 1A 51501

Good source for seeds that do well in the Great Plains.

Kitazawa Seed Co. 356 West Taylor San Jose CA 95110

Specialize in oriental vegie seeds. This is an excellent source if you're interested.

Farmer Seed 8 Nur sery Co. 818 N.W. 4th St. Faribault MN 55021

Seeds and plants for short growing seasons in cold cli mates .

Nichols Garden Nur sery N. Pacific Highway Albany OR 97321

One of the really excellent seed houses on the west coast. 50( catalog.

Gurney Seed 8 Nur sery 2nd 8 Capitol Yankton SO 57078

Folksy catalog. Lots of odd seeds of vegetables 8 flowers.

Stokes Seed Inc. Box 548 Buffalo NY 14240

Excellent choices for vegie § flower seeds. Lots of planting info. Good for nurseries.

Joseph Harris Co. 5670 Buffalo Road Rochester NY 14624

One of the better places for vegetable seeds in the north east. Good choices for the home garden § roadside stand.

Tsang 8 Ma Inti. 1556 Laurel Street San Carlos CA 94070

These people are specialists in Chinese vegetables.

J.L. Hudson P.O.Box 1058 Redwood City CA 94064

What a collection of seeds! Trees, shrubs, herbs, vegie 5 flower seeds. Lots of info.

Vermont Bean Seed Co. Ways Lane Manchester Center VT 0S255

An amazing collection oi all types of beans. Many old family heirloom beans.

Greetings to ail RFL readers from the Lavender Express! We're looking to add new members to our group, and welcome setters from oeople who see themselves fitting into our kind of life-style. We are seven women and men, two children who share a number of interest and goals: Feminism, gay/bisexuality, open relationships, communal child-rearing, eventua! food self-sufficiency, learning new skills (and sharing familiar ones), earth religion, dreamwork, physical fitness, homemade music, psi phenomena, good food, good times, and of course, the irresistable lure of a really fine movie house in nearby . ’harlottesville. Our overall common reality is that we're a sub-group of Shannon Farm, a 1*90uere intentional community in the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains. If interested in visiting, write and tell us -..bout y ;r •• .f. In community, Brook (for the Lavender Express), c/o Shannon Farm, Route 2 Box 183, Afton VA 22920.

;'m and an untitled dairy farmer, and am finishing up a degree in Dairy Production in the Spring. I live in a^ field ;.n *.he flattest part of the valley and can see for miles. For someone from the city, even gone 5 years, it's in awesome sight. I got into farming for all the wrong reasons, and it has changed me. I dig a straight routine kind of existence and especially like both my work and my time outdoors in my gardens. My other interestsrange from com; iters to goats. I'd love to hear from anyone west of Pennsylvania interested inanything from a herdsman to an eventual partner or owner of a farm. I'd prefer dairy but would consider anything interesting. I have much experience and training, lots of ambition, and some money. I am also considering starting a goat dairy inthe east and would like to hear from someone with experience in that business. Love each other, Steve Hyland, Box 59, Whitehall Hoad, Pennsylvania Furnace PA 16865.

. t i.y , . >.ave almost completed my dream of the decade...the construction of a solar superpad on my 300+ farm near Jisco, including ail'the accoutrements of California comfortable living, solar heated swimming pool, hot tub, . .r greenhouse, etc. Now I turn my time and energy to launching a quest for a very special man or men to iii.ur-- st- wardship of this serene comfortable wilderness. Someone who loves vigorous outdoor work (farming, tree: ;at.*. ;:if-, fence building, cutting firewood), and enjoys self-reliance.. .yet someone who also enjoys the relaxation of v. by a fire, nude swimming, sunning and soaking in the hot tub and sauna. I'd like someone who can share in the delights offered by occasional forays into the city for theatre, symphony, ballet, galleries and elegant ecstacies. : this inspires some of you to get in touch and explore the possibilities of sharing love, life and the land. Peace, Hal, P.O.Box 1173, Palo Alto CA 9**302.

... •■ 1 •!.<•:• wants to exchange ideas, meet friends, learn together and look forward to forming an alternative educa tion commune/school for anti-imperialist, humanistic consciousness. Box 6l8l Stn. A, Toronto, Ontario Canada M5W1P6.

I as a 28 year old, non-smoking vegetarian, long-haired, slim Taurus man, into meditation, yoga, music, photography, electronics, and outdoor beauty. I have shared the experiences of Ram Dass, Tim Leary and the Moody Blues. I am look ing for a loving partner, similar to myself, to share this life vith, and to work out the karma vith, together. I will be moving back to California eventually. Hovever, for nov, I am in glorious Oklahoma, ducking tornadoes and trying to keep smiling. Live hand in hand, Cal Grant, Box 2623, Norman OK 73069. 63ft* My name is 3ob, I'm 30, slim and have blue eyes. I'm very interested in meeting people who are into self-grovth ser iously (but who don't take themselves too seriously). Some of my interests include buddhism, psychology, massage, swimming and Asian culture. I work in the area of psychology. Recently I've become involved in helping to organize in Sacramento a meditation study group of persons interested in the teachings of Choygam Trungpa, Rimpoche. Though I mention the above interests, I am open to many others, and want to hear from open, sensitive people regardless of specific interests. Especially those seeking a possible warm friendship or relationship. I live in Sacramento, but visit the San Francisco area a lot on weekends. Hope to hear from you. Bob, P.O.Box l6l866, Sacramento CA 95816. C M I'm a man on the foothills of M t . Hood looking for fellow mountain fags and dykes. I'm tired of feeling like the only faggot on the mountain. After years of complete openness and freedom in Portland, I was forced to retreat into the closet when I moved to the mountains because of homophobic locals. I need the companionship and reinforcement of fellow mountain gays. I live in a beautiful cabin on the Sandy River, in an area full of wildlife, tranquility and beauty. Please write in care of my friend in Portland. Paul c/o David Rich-Miller, P.O.Box 8****6, Portland OR 97207. __

I'm new to Southern Oregon and would like to meet gay folks, (men and women) in the Klamath Falls area. I'm moving into a settled period of my life, an exciting job and an enjoyment of old and new pursuits. My current interests are the kitchen, the book and the pen with time for the pack, the trail and the tree. All are enhanced by friends, old and new. Greg Smoots, Box 5222, Klamath Falls OR 97601.

cM I am 30, .6'3", 180 lbs. and am a Taurus. Interests include rock music, motorcycles, and mystical literature. In per sonal relationships I seek sensitive, rugged guys for man to man relaxation. Right now I'm a student in the White Mountains of New Hampshire and plan to leave here at the end of the semester for the west. It would be nice to hear from you. Peace, Steve Williams, Franconia College, Campus Mail Box **9, Franconia NH 03580.

cM Clatskanie Oregon is a beautiful place. Just moved here from Sacramento. The cabin I live in fulfills my dreams, cozy, lots of windows overlooking "my own" lake. I step out the door and I'm in the forest. I'm here by the grace of an older woman who was lacking for someone like-minded. Someone interested in the environment, politics, gardening, nat ure, in appreciating people's differences and quirks. In those ways we both have someone to talk and share with. But as for love and affection and warm bodies, well, I'm out of luck. So I'm looking for neighbors in Portland, Longview, Astoria and points in between. Also want to let old friends know that in my move here I lost my address book. So, here's hoping I have neighbors and friends interested in friendship and/or warm beds. Joe Balestreri, Rt. 1 Box 3**6, Clatskanie OR 97016.

cM I am an Australian. % friend and I run a registered Polled Hereford herd as well as farm holidays for gays. If there is any likelihood of competent, experienced farm workers who would like a working holiday on a farm in Aus tralia, please contact us. We would like to find a good practical gay herdsman who is prepared to work at a 2-year contract. We would pay half his airfare from San Francisco or Los Angeles to Sydney at the end of his employment with us, so he would get a half-paid-for working holiday. Also, we'd be interested in a gay farm worker exchange in either the US or Canada. Geoff Quinn, "Wonga", Mendooran 28l9> N.S.W. Australia.

I live in Central Kentucky with two other men who are lovers. We live on 200 acres with beautiful trees, rock cliffs and streams. I would like to meet someone to share it all with us. John Greenwell, Bryn Myrddin Farm, Star Route, Howardstown KY **0028.

cM I'm seeking another serious, dedicated outdoor gay male artist, **5 or older for whatever we can give and share In our work and friendship. Ernie Haff, Box 13*+1, Wallace ID 83873. c M I have a small farm on the Eel River in remote Mendocino County. Beginning in May I need 1 or 2 men to assist with a large summer garden 3 hours each day in exchange for cabin, private beach, etc. Drop me a line. Daniel Martes, Star Route #1, Willits CA 95**90. c M Restlessness and change prompt me to move on or perhaps travel for a while. My alienation from the American system is complete. I have taken the plunge into the sea of possibilities and would like to hear from other swimmers. No capit alists or political conservatives need reply. My interests are collectivity, photography, revolution and gut level relationships. Also dance, theatre, Kung Fu and punk rock. I am driven, crazed by my need to live an intense, creative life. I do not want a fantasy lover. I do not want refuge from the world; I want to change it. Work and change are my watch words. I stand open and uncertain. Would like to hear from others like me. No promises. No guarantees. Write. Candor Smoothstone, **525 Lower Wolf Creek Road, Wolf Creek OR 97**97.

xxlhuXL/1

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e x a m i n i n g c i n e m a in its social and p o l i t i c a l c o n t e x t , p r o v i d i n g an ind e p t h a n a l y s e s o f n e w fil m s , d e v e l o p i n g a r a d ical f i l m c r i t i c i s m , r e cent & current issues discuss gay m e n & film, a n d gays and f i l m (with s t a t e m e n t o f s u p p o r t f o r g a y lib). $4 sub (6 i s s u e s ) , $5 o u t s i d e USA. 75<t s i n g l e issue. P.0. B O X 865, IFORNIA

GAYELLOW PAGES

MAINELY GAY

v__________________ / the v o i c e for d e c e n t r a l i s m , c h o c k full of the l a t e s t in h o m e s t e a d i n g , land a c c e s s , a l t e r n a t i v e en e r g y , e c o - 1 i f e s t y l e s , community, co-ops and m o re. $1 s i n g l e c o p i e s , $8 per y ear. P.0.

BOX 3233,

Y O R K 17402,

a m o n t h l y j o u rnal o f news, o p i n i o n , and humor. $5 per y ear. P.0.

BOX 45 4 2 ,

P O R T L A N D 0411 2 ,

BERKELEY 94701, C A L

an i n d e s p e n s i b l e g u i d e for the gay t r a v e l e r , a s t a n d a r d r e f e r e n c e for r e f e r r a l s , b ars, b u s i n e s s e s , o r g a n i z a t i o n s & p u b l i c a t i o n s in N. A m e r ica. $5 t h i r d c l a s s , $6 f i r s t cla s s , $7 o u t s i d e N. A m e r i c a .

MAINE RENAISSANCE HOUSE, BOX 292RFD, V I L LA G E S T A T I O N , N E W Y O R K 100 1 4 , N E W YORK

PENNSYL

VANIA

OpenRoad a n e w s j o u r n a l of i n t e r n a t i o n a l a n a r c h i s t and a n t i - a u t h o r i t a r i a n left activities, a revolutionary publica tion d e d i c a t e d to social j u s t i c e , h u m a n s o l i d a r i t y a n d f reedom, r e a d ers' d o n a t i o n s (4 iss u e s per year). BOX 6135, S T A T I O N G, CANADA V6R 4G5

VANCOUVER,

Body Politic

i§>tonetoaU a c r i t i c a l jo u r n a l $4 (4 i ssues).

of gay liberation.

P.0. BOX 2 051, W I N N I P E G , C A N A D A R3R 3R3

MANITOBA,

gay liberation journal. $10.50 (first c l a s s ) or $7 (2nd c l a s s ) for 10 i s sues. BOX 728 9 STN A. T O R O N T O , C A N A D A M 5 W 1X9

ONTARIO,

B.C.

anarchist/anarcha-feminist monthly p r o d u c e d by a m i x e d c o l l e c t i v e , goo d c o v e r a g e of the e u r o p e a n / i n t e r n a t i o n al scene, full of c u l t u r e , m i l i t a n c e , and o u t r a g e . $ 6 . 5 0 s u r f a c e , $9 air, also available from C a r rier Pigeon (see b l u r b p a g e ) . R I S I N G FREE, 182 U P P E R S T R E E T , DON Nl, E N G L A N D

SLftcr

GRAI N

GAY LEFT

GAY R U R A L A I D & I N F O R M A T I O N N E T W O R K

a s o c i a l i s t j o urnal p r o d u c e d by gay p e ople, a i m e d at g i v i n g a m a r x i s t a n a l y s i s o f h o m o s e x u a l o p p r e s s i o n as well as e n c o u r a g i n g the g a y m o v e m e n t to u n d e r s t a n d the l inks b e t w e e n the s t r u g g l e s a g a i n s t sexual o p p r e s s i o n and for s o c i a l i s m . $2 U S / C a n a d i a n c h e c k o r 8 0 p e n c e Int. M o n e y o r d e r , als o a v a i l a b l e f r o m C a r r i e r P i g e o n (see b l u r b p a g e ) .

a n e w s l e t t e r o f a r t i c l e s , poe m s , l e t ters and news from, by a n d f o r rural gays, for bot h g a y m e n & w o m e n . 50 R I V E R V I E W GROVE, W4 3QP, E N G L A N D

LON

CHISWICK,

LONDON

36a C R A V E N R O A D , L O N D O N W2,

ENGLAND

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An i s s u e on the v a r i o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p s t h a t we, as g a y men, hav e w i t h w o m e n . Our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters. O u r c l o s e s t f r i e n d s in sc h o o l , o u r c l o s e s t f r i e n d s now. Our confidants, our heroines. L e s b i a n s and n o n les b i a n s . A l s o h o w w e r e l a t e to f e m i n i s m , e f f e m i n i s m , m a t r i a r c h y , a n d r o g y n y , and o t h e r woman influenced theory/practice. W e nee d a r t i c l e s , c r i t i q u e s , p o e t r y , f i c t i o n , g r a p h i c s , i m p r e s s i o n s . W e a l s o nee d p e o p l e w h o are w i l l i n g to w o r k on a n d / o r take r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r the p r o d u c t i o n o f this issue. W r i t e a n d let us k n o w y o u a r e i n t e r e s t e d .

\The image exchange section has probably been Ione of the most mystified sections of the Imagazine, which we feel is overdue for de\mystification. It has been said that anyone \who is really interested in the image ex change (thus an Artist) will be able to deIcipher it. There is a contradiction in this Iway of thinking and its link to this section. ]Too long art has been obscured, mystified Iand created to serve a very few. And cer tainly we have been discouraged from sharing \art and images, since the scene is to be Competitive. The purpose of image exchange Iis to try and break down those barriers that Iisolate us all as artists. Image exchange Ineeds interest and input in order to fulfill Iits potential. V/e who need images for proIjects, or are into collections, can help Ieach other and establish a more open artistA lie? definition and community.

INFO

A D D R E S S CH A N G E : s a v e us 25C a n d tell us y o u r n e w a d d r e s s if y o u mo v e , the p o s t o f f i c e d o e s n o t f o r w a r d 2nd c l a s s mail u n l e s s s p e c i f i e d , they d e s t r o y R F D and w e c a n ' t a f f o r d to sen d y o u a n e w one. se n d us bo t h y o u r o l d and n e w a d d r e s s e s , w i t h z i p codes. ADVERTISING:

ad rates s t a r t at $10 per c o l u m n inch,

camera

r e a d y b & w copy.

A K W E S a SNE NOTES: th e r e has b e e n no c h a n g e in o u r s t a t u s as p e r s o n a non g r a t i s w i t h o u r c o m r a d e s at a k w e s a s n e . w e h a v e r e c e i v e d le t t e r s o f s u p p o r t , y e t no w o r d f r o m a k w e s a s n e as to w h a t t h e y a r e t h i n k i n a . p e r h a p s y o u w o u l d lik e to w r i t e a n d i n q u i r e f r o m t h e m d i r e c t l y , y o u c a n c o n t a c t t h e m at: m o h a w k n a t i o n via r o o s e v e l t o w n n.y. 13683. o r t h e i r C a n a d i a n a d d r e s s is r o u t e 3, C o r n w a l l , O n t a r i o . BACK

ISSUES:

h e l p us c l e a n up the b a r n . ..issu e s # 3 - 1 2 a v a i l a b l e for $ 1 . 2 5 each.

BOOKSTORES: b o o k s t o r e s pay $ 1 . 0 5 per c o p y p l e t e c o p i e s r e t urned.

(40% d i s c o u n t ) ,

distributors

5 or m o r e for $1

p a y 90<t (48% d i s c o u n t ) ,

e ach, w h a t a deal!

full

credit for c o m

CORRECTIONS: w e w i s h to c l e a r up a n d c o r r e c t a few m i s t a k e s f r o m is s u e #14. w e a p o l o a i z e to the f o l l o w i n g arti s t s : A l l a n T r o x l e r / p g . 24, p i c t u r e u p s i d e d o w n & the p r i n t e r ' s m a s k i n g show i n g . C a r l o t t a & D a v i d M y e r s / p g . 35, v i c e - v e r s a o n the c r e d i t s . Carl H a r p / p g . 50, this p a g e of d r a w i n g s is his, n o t pg. 48 as c r e d i t e d . Demiari/pg. 56, p h o t o u n c r e d i t e d . FUT U R E TH E M E S :

see & r e s p o n d

to q u e s t i o n a i r r e on pg.

M.E.N. m o t h e r e a r t h ne w s still toll free at 8 0 0 - 4 3 8 - 7 2 6 5 .

refuses

6, as well

to p r i n t o u r ad,

as well

as the ad on pa.

55.

as r e f u s i n a to c o r r e s p o n d w i t h us. y o u can call

their

SUBMISSIONS: pl e a s e , s h a r e y o u r d r e a m s , v i s i o n s a n d k n o w l e d g e w i t h us. w e ne e d a o o d f i c t i o n , p h o t o s s e n t s h o u l d all be b / w hi g h c o n t r a s t . Doems, f e a t u r e s , h o w - t o ' s s h o u l d be typed, in d o u b l e s p a c i n g if p o s s i b l e , do n o t s e n d y o u r o r i g i n a l s o r o n l y co p i e s , w e e d i t u n l e s s r e q u e s t e d n o t to. for r e t u r n s , e n c l o s e a s . a . s . e . w i t h s u b m i s s i o n ( s ) . all p u b l i s h e d c o n t r i b u t o r s g e t a fr e e sub plus 2 c o p i e s o f the i s s u e in w h i c h the w o r k a p p e a r s , if y o u a l r e a d y hav e a sub, gi v e the e x t r a to a f r i e n d o r a pri s o n e r . please w rite ahead

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