RFD Issue 28 Fall 1981 by RFD Magazine Gay

#28

F AL L

1981

A COUNTRY JOURNAL FOR GAY MEN EVERYWHERE

R ea lit y

J inally

J ) awns

T H E S T O R Y OF GA Y A L C O H O L I S M

Well, here is another issue. As we left the "hero" at the last lesue hanging by his fingertips over the abyss of confusion and despair in our continuing serial of suspense, all has worked out for a happy ending. It wasn’t the cavalry or a knight in shin ning ( did you ever think about who shines it all?) armor but the return of the wanderers. First of all, Edwin stayed on here to help and Crit came back for a few weeks after his trip to the Dekalb Gathering, so we got through July. August was the return of Peter and Rocky and many visitors, as Edwin went west to the New Mexico Gathering. Peter and Rocky have found that this is their hone and that this is their family. They intend to remain at RW ami deal with (support) the activities here - RFD, home steading and networking. They will be wintering in Asheville where Rocky is going to .school on the GI bill and Peter is plan ing to find work in order to make enough money to build a cabin in the spring. Svetovits has come to stay here and will be wintering with me and possibly Edwin. We still have a lot of details to work out, but we seem to be moving in the direction of a larger community pursuing a self-reliant lifestyle producing RFD and hosting small gatherings and workshops. You will notice that the Dept. Focalizers (Editors) have filled up rather well. This is very encouraging and we feel a lot of new and vital energy coming in to RFD. We have a person for every department except 'Gatherings and Network” and a Coordina tor for the BBB Dept, as well as one or two area coordinators in that same department. There are other depts. that my yet cone about such as Music, Dance and the Arts. At this tine there are 17 folks all over the country combining talents and creativity in addition to the ad hoc Feature group helping to produce this magazine. Xt offers challenges in communication and page budgeting (finances being our "lid” ), but I am thrilled with this development and an bery happy to be in the middle of it The finances have improved, but of course, remain a challenge, we received a rather large ($1,000) donation from an anonymous donor which baled us out of our immediate cash flow problem, and this has enabled us to go to press with this issue pretty much on time. If all goes well and we continue to increase subscrip tions and receive the help from donations and advertising, we should pay off the loans by the end of the year. The Atlanta Support Circle which is coordinating the temporary pledges to help supplement our income here at Rw (to keep us here) has been coordinating that effort quite well, and we appreciate that effort by them and the contributions of the pledgers greatly. (The Post Office finally got its act together and is receiving mail now). This extra support will enable us to keep things going here as we get our act together to support ourselves through the various enterprises envisioned. It is hoped that R F D will eventually afford more suport than the $100 per month it now (sometimes) offers and that by hosting a series of work shops and small gatherings here, we will be able to sustain ourselves. What we need for that to come about are some facili ties such as a meeting building and a bigger common house with cooking facilities, etc. along with satelite cabins for personal space. We hope to start this coming spring with both the build ing and hosting some workshops. Some of the themes pondered for workshops ares Gay Fathers, Gay Men’s Music, Herbal Medicine, Forming Gay Rusal Collectives, Magic and Ritual, etc. We will probably start the workshops in spirte of the primitive facili ties if the interest is great enough and folks are willing to deal with the conditions here. The traditional Solstice Gather ing here may have to be held in another place nearby as it has out-grown our facilities. The last Gathering was almost 150, and w* feel that it is too great an impact on this environment (including neighbors). We are thinking of finding a State or National Park to hold this large affair and helping prepare for it with our hoped-for improved facilities and larger staff. So, here we are stumbling along, preparing for winter and liv ing week by week. At least we have a clearer notion of who we are and what we envision. We'll keep you nested on the material ization of these dreams.

FUTURE FEATURES*

Winter ’81 Issue #29 Humor This feature is being compiled in Tennessee and humorous con tribution would be most wel come. The due date is Oct. 15, 1981, but we always need some humor so send what you can for future consideration. Spring *82 Issue #30 Wild Foods, Herbal, Recipes This feature is being compiled in Arkansas by familiar fairy foragers. Submission due date is Jan. 15, 1982. Summer ’82 Issue #31 Art and Gay Life in the Southwest This feature is being compiled in the southwest and is fo cusing on graphic art, arid zone life styles and the southwest in general. Please mail all contributions to RFD Feature, Rt 1 Box 127-E Bakersville, NC 28705. It helps to indicate which fea ture the submission is inten ded for, and you can’t be too early. If any of you are in terested in preparing a fea ture for RFD, please wr ite us and we will send you informa tion on how to participate in this creative process.

RFD is published quarterly in March, June, September and December at Rt 1 Box 127-E Bakersville NC 28705. ISSN #0149-709X IK PS #073101 Non-profit tax exempt status under #34-7199134 as a func tion of Gay community Social Services, F0 Box 2228, Seattle WA 98922. RFD functions as a reader writ ten journal. Editorship re sponsibility is shared among several individuals in various locations coordinated by the collective. The business and general production is centered at Running water Farm Rt 1 Box 127-E B&kersville NC 28705.

A COUNTRY JOURNAL

LOR G AY M E N E V E R Y W H E R E

#28 *. FALL *1981 c <d in ir /R n i

i r <d

Franklin Abbott......... 14, 39 John Alexander.... ......... 47 Aurora Corona............... 13 Bob of Chicago.............. 18 James Braughton. . â&#x20AC;¢.......... 24 Kevin C o x ............... 13, 47 Clear Englebert............. 50 Vincent Fitzpatrick.........13 Howard Gilligan..... 4, 15, 47 Gary Gilman................. 12 Glenallen............... 12, 14 Crit Goi n ............... 16, 46 Bill Gouge.................. 12 Jeff Guice....... 14 John of Hermit Hollow.......54 David Kwasigroh.............. 3 Tim Leahy................... 44 Milo........................ 16 Chip Moore................... 7 Carl Morse.................. 13 Bill Murphy................. 19 Steve Pallagi............... 13 I.M. Poustinik.............. 45 Len Richardson.............. 12 Mel Riley............... 46, 48 Mark senjamin.............. 4 9 John Soldo.................. 11 Jerry Stamps............ 17, 46 Perl E. Sudds............... 14 David Sunseri............... 12 Svetovit s ................... 15 Kiley Talaria............... 40 J . D . Ulmer.................. 8 John Yanson......... Cover Art Thomas Ziebold.............. 26 Roy Simmons......... 50-52 P /R < C > fD lU < C .T r i <D /N

Running Water : Ron t-ambe Svetovits Cambridge: Anon. Collective

DE PARTMENT EDITORS: Announcements: Chris Chenard Book Reviews: Kevin Cox Brothers Behind BarsEast Coast N: Ralph White East Coast S: Woody Black Cen. States N: Bill Murphy Cen. States S: Travis Bacon Mountain Sts: Tom Doyle Contact Letters: Travis Levi Country Kitchen: Mel Riley Creative Writing: Chip Moore Gardening: Mark Senjamin Health: Jerry Stamps Homesteading: Jerry Noakes Poetry: Michael Mason Politics: Edwin Bridges Profiles: John Alexander Spirituality: Crit Goin

ADVERT IS ING................................................. 54-56 ANNOUNCEMENTS................................................. 4-6 Groups and Organizations...................................... 5 Media......................................................... 6 News.......................................................... 4 Workshops and Conferences.....................................6 ART ICLES.................................................... 39-4 3 'Gay and Bi-Sexuality (Plant, Animal, Human)...And The Survival of Our Planet" by Kiley Talaria....................40 "On the Love of Dionysus" by Franklin Abbott................ 39 BOOK REVIE'OS................................................4 6-47 "The Celluloid Closet" -Russo by John Alexander.......... ...47 "Lesbians, Gay Men and Their Alcohol...Uses" by K.M. Cox....47 "Reflections of a Rock Lobster"-Fricke by Crit Goi n........ 46 "The 21st Century... Health...Manual"-Cin by J .E . Stamps.... 46 "Vortex/A Journal of New Vision" by MelRiley................ 46 BROTHERS BEHIND BARS...................................... 18-23 "On Writing to Our Brothers Behind Bars" by Bill Murohy.....19 "Writing to Gay Prisoners" by Bob of Chicago................ 18 Letters................................................... 20-23 CONTACT LETTERS................................................ 53 COUNTRY KITCHEN................................................ 4 8 CREATIVE WRITING............................................. 8-10 "Paint" by J. D. Ulmer........................................ 8 FEATURE.....................................................2 5-38 "Alcoholism is an Illness, Not a Sin" by Thomas 7iebold.... 26 "Alcoholism Took Him Places" by Dick H ...................... 34 "The All American Boy from Wyoming" by Steve R ............. 37 'Glamour Queen From the Midwest" by Larry V .................38 "I Grew Up Alcoholic and Gay" by Doug H .....................35 "I Had Become a Co-Alcoholic" by John....................... 32 "It Has Been Worth Living" by Ray.......... 33 "The Joy of Living" by Andy M ................................32 "Living With an Alcoholic" by Susan M. ...................... 33 "We Met That Evening" by Ron F ...............................36 GARDENING...................................................... 49 GATHERINGS AND NETWORK.... ................................. 14-16 "By Candleflame" by Glenallen............................... 14 "Luna-Sea at Running Water" by Svetovits.............. .....15 "A Message From Your Gypsy Shaman" by Crit Goin.......... ..16 "Seven Cycles: Running Water" by Franklin Abbott...... .....14 HEALTH......................................................... 17 "The Apothecary" by Jerry Stamps............................ 17 H06E STEAD ING................................................... 54 "Notes from Hermit Hollow" by John.......................... 54 LETTERS TO RFD................................................ 2-3 PCETRY..................................................11-14, 24 "After All" by Glenallen.....................................12 "Brother Song" by Kevin C o x ..................................13 "By Candleflame" by Glenallen.................. 14 "Fred, I Have A Red Chinese Kite" by Bill Gouge............ 12 "Jackson Square 9.14.79 Late Afternoon" by Aurora Corona....13 "Listen, Your Thoughts Will Cease" by Len Richardson........12 "November With Joe" by Vincent Fitzpatrick..................13 "Pictures and Memories" by Steve Pallagi....................13 "Prayraates: Auf Caucasus" by Carl Morse..................... 13 "Seven Cycles: Running Water" by Franklin Abbott............ 14 "Shaman Song" by David Sunseri...............................12 "Stiff" by Gary Gilman.............. 12 "They Do Not Approve" by James Broughton....................24 "What Have I Left" by John Soldo............................ 11 PROFILES.................................................... 50-52 "A Visit With Clear Englebert in S .E . Tenn."............... 50 RFD INFORMATION.................................... Inside Covers SPIRITUALITY................................................ 44-45 "The Art of Astral Fhrojection" by Tiro Leahy................. 44 "A View From Here" by I. M. Poustinik............ 45 1

LETTERS

Dear Editor, An article in the Spring Issue (No. 26) by Bill Callahan and * letter fro® Jon Jost, both of whom are relatively new readers of RFD raise a ques tion to which I'd like to re spond. Both writers are pursled by the liberal use in RFD of terms such as fairy, faggot, fruit, queen, pansey. Why, asks Bill, should anyone accept "a put-down label and subscribe to it? Surely he and we could choose a more positive label..." Similarly, Jon says that he has shown RFD to others who "have been dis mayed by the use of words they have come to associate with the vicious epithets used by young thugs who harass and victimise gays." In reply to Bill and Jon, I'd say the following: Here is one technique, brothers, which a minority can use to deal with the insults dealt to them by the majority. You take what was an insult and you turn it inside out and use it yourself proudly. Wear it on your shoulder, so to speak. In theory, that drains the term of its perjorative potency, since the minority now claims the term as a title of its special characteristics, char acteristics of which the minor ity is proud, not ashamed. That is the theory. I doubt that it works very well for many. Jews do not combat anti-Semitism by defining themselves as "kikes"; nor do Native Americans re-assert pride by calling themselves "Tonto"; Bill mentioned the example of blacks and "boy" in his article. Neither do I know women who think better of themselves when they refer to themselves as "cunts."

The epithet-reversal technique is a light-weight weapon. It may be effective for some, such as a man with the cleft lip who adopts "Lip" as a nick-name to cover any embarrassment he may feel at his slight defect. But, I agree with Bill that it will not help many men who need to contend with those strong feelings of self-contempt which have been projected into us by straights' homophobia. Our self-respect calls for positive terms. Bill is right that even "gay" is too weak. Maybe "Freeman" will do. "Freeman" is blunt enough, and "Freeman" speaks well of our liberation from the shackles of wives and from the bonds of convent iona1 it y . Bu t , whatever term we end up using, the most important thing is that WE choose it. We must name ourselves. We must stop allowing the hetero sexuals to name us. Then, if (Sod forbid) we do choose a label like "fag" at least we shall have chosen our own de finition. No one else will have labeled us. Exercising the right to define himself is, after all, what makes a man free.

judicial. They are words labels straights use to re inforce second class status and help to foster a poor self image - self esteem amongst ourselves; that is, less than a man. Those are also the same labels we hear as we are being chased down the street or beaten in the parks or just plain hassed. Labels like fairy, pansy, etc. seem to justify hostile behavior in that those deroga tory labels are not only used by hostile straights, but also male homosexuals when describ ing each other. This only adds to the continuing raistreatment/maltreatment through our everyday lives and doesn't help boost our status from second class citizenship. Everything M r . Callahan ex pressed - includes positive feelings about your publica tion. I read it and do ap preciate it. It is just in this one area I have an ex tremely hard time. Sincerely, Richard Gwynne Faribault, MN

Edward Norman

Dear Faery Friends at RFD,

labels

---- ’rwmrm

Dear R.F.D.,

I am writing in response to your use of words like "queen, faggot, fairies, pansies and other such w o r d s " in describ ing or refering to the male homosexual. Reading the arti cle "Labeling and Other Thoughts" by Bill Callahan has been very helpful for myself as I have tried several times to find the proper words to express how I feel about your publication; that is without sounding put off and angry; which is how I do feel when I'm being degraded and pre sented to be something in your publication that I am not. I agree with Mr. Callahan's thoughts 100* and wish to add a few of ay own. Labels like fairy, queen, queer, pansey express hostility and are pre

A criticism of your latest front cover (#27), the man draped in the hides of his younger brothers. Aren't we all hoping that we are, slow ly, very slowly but surely, heading for a distant 'K3olden Age"? That Golden Age in which "They shall kill no more in all my Holy Mountain, and the Lion and the Sheep shall lie down together". But if this is ever to come about, man must set the example. The Fairies don't kill, in fact they abhor man's bloodthirst, so why should the Faeries? Please let's get away from the horror of the trap line and the slaughterhouse! To some extent back to nature yes, but yet out of the jungle and to ward the light . PEACE TO ALL BEINGS, Love,

Shri Raman Phoenix, AT.

the 'vibes' around it. Bad 'vibes' were growth inhibi ting and had, eventually to be erased and replaced by good 'vibes'; that's all.

D«ar RFD , The article And Mother Nature Created us...(A Faerie Tale) by Hernando Merino (in #26) was lovely, but I finished reading it feeling that more should be said--that the de scription of life and advance ment was incomplete. "Even the weak links are still links in the chain" (from Faggots and their Friends Between Re volutions by Larry Mitchell). To think that we are better or ■ore worthy than fucked-up straight society is wrong. That is an elitist viewpoint to make the insecure feel bet ter. It is said that in terms of our development of being through many lifetimes, that we all get there. Society is composed of people at different points. We can do much to accelerate our growth--we always have the choice. Never-the-less, it is futile to feel negative, growth limiting feelings like jealousy for one "ahead" or feelings of superiority when looking at one "behind". Love must transcend these headtrips produced by our untrustworthy human intellect. Since we will all be together anyway, why worry? So with that in mind here's another verion of A Faery Tale With A Happy Ending Like It Should Have. God w as, One time.

My soul (energy) was once dis tributed over larger areas, like when I was much rock, or the time when I was much plant energy. Well, eventually, I was human. Now, many moons later, I am a faerie--but that only means that I live lighter and in commune with my sib1ings--the collective called Mother Nature, and mind you, I'm not higher. We can com municate because we are equal. Being in this position now enables me to see where I should be, so I choose the faerie network because I see it is what I need. We, my faerie siblings, have cleared the static noise from our minds so the sweet subtle voices can be heard. We make an important focus that of growth, instead of gratifica tion on another level. Wt hear our intuition call us to our posts as pagans and wiccans and faeries. Let us go with faerie laughter and energy and love... I am a ukelellst minstrel faerie (wandering) travelling and visiting faeries attend ing Gatherings. My old name is of urban scars (Toronto). Upon consultation with a witch or wizard of some sort I will take up my rightful faerie name. Please know how much I love you...

Greetings t First, as to the letter from Fere Cnawan, I believe that he must have read somebody else's letter to RFD in issue #26. If any of the rest of you can find anyplace in my letter where I "railed against RFD" for printing Mr. Norman's article, or where I made any claim or implication that "my way is the only way", you have my most humble apologies. As to my statement, admittedly crude, that "At times I feel that my 'gay brothers'... (etc)", it was not intended to contain "tons of love". It contained hurt and anger. The fact that the hurt was inflicted by gays does not make it invalid. Besides, I don't feel obliged to inject tons of love into every state ment I amkc, as I have never attempted to project the image of a Pagan Pollyanna the way dear Fere does. (Surprising as it may seem, Fere Cnawan and I are actually good friends and he is presently my next-door neighbor). The article "On The Question of Names" was fantastic. I don't know that I agree with everything as it was present ed, or whether I'm ready to parade the streets in drag, but it was undeniably one of the best contributions to the literature on gay Paganism since Arthur Evans' book Witchcraft and the Gay Counter culture. Would the author of that work please contact me? You've got a damn good magazine.

Find me by my ukele which is an almost constant road com panion. Until we connect, see y'all 'round. The Not-Man With No-Name (Yet) D .H.

Yours in the Service of the Ancient Ones, Alaric na Tor Kansas City, MO

Stirred..Needed more--God needed to

grow, expand. God was in every bit of energy. That's what God was, at one time, and is. Each God-bit moved through time (an interesting lush affair!) and experienced so that each God-bit could grow-Each God-bit was affected by

Photo by David Kwasigrogh

_ _ _

WISCONSIN AND GAY RIGHTS In May of this year the Madison, Wisconsin State Assembly narrowly defeated a gay rights bill thc.t would have legalized all sexual acts be tween consenting adults. The vote was 50-4Q.' State Representative David Clarenbach (D-Madlson) who authored the bill, however, is encouraged about prospects for gay rights’legislation in the future. "Given the alleged strength of the 'Moral Majority,' the gay rights movement has great momentum and is gaining support everyday," Clarenbach said. Another Clarenbach proposal that would prohibit discrimination in Wisconsin employment, housing, and public accomo dations because of sexual preference, was approved by a legislative commit tee . "When the consenting adults bill passes, Wisconsin will become the twenty-sixth state to lift their (sic) bans on homosexual activity. I am confident that our Legislature will go on to become the first to pass a bill prohibiting discrimination against gay people," said Clarenbach. Cnly two states have successfully enacted anti-discrimination protections, and both by executive order.

Members of the Unitarian-Universalist Gey Community (UUGC) of Norfolk, Virginia ere protesting the removal of pn exhibit panel which mentions gay people in seventeenth century Vigrinia. The panel, which was part of an exhibit In Colonial National Historical Perk, was removed by Faxk Superintendent Richard H. Maeder after receiving numerous complaints from park visitors about its content. Entitled "Jamestown’s Other Feople," the exhibit described the role of women and minorities in colonial V irginia. Jayr Ellis, UUGC spokesperson, said that his group contributed ideas for the exhibit at the Jamestown Confer ence on Women and Minorities held at Jamestown in September, 1979* "The National Park Service sponsored the conference and invited local minor ities to participate," Ellis said. "Our group attended along with organ izations representing women, blacks, nptive Americans, senior citizens, and handicapped people. . . . We felt the exhibit should indicate that gay people helped colonize Virginia, and that Jamestown was named after James I, the homosexual king of England at the time. The Park Ser vice accepted our ideas and incor porated them into the exhibit."

N 3 JP ACTION ALERT: STCF THE FAMILY PROTECTION ACT!! The National Gay Task Force warns that nothing could make the inten tions of the New Right (groups like the Moral Majority) more explicit than the Family Protection Act. Recently introduced into the U. S. Congress, its focus is to define a "typical" American family in narrow and outdated terns— terms which do not recognize and, in fact, punish gay people. The bill would affect many groups besides gays— women, racial and ethnic minorities, and teachers. But it specifically tar gets gay people for discrimination. If you would like to help take action against the passage of this bill, contact NGTF, 80 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY. 10011. Telephone (212) ?b 1 - 58OO.

FIRST LESBIAN AND GAY RIGHTS MARCH IN ARIZONA

When representatives of the UUGC met with Mr. Maeder on May 20 to ask him to reconsider his decision, he re fused, claiming that the presence of gay people in Virginia could not be substantiated. However, Maeder has allowed two panels about other minor ities to remain in the exhibit with no more documentation than the panel about gay people.

On June 27, 1981 over 700 people marched from Patriot's Park to the State Capitol in Arizona's first gay rights march and rally. The event had the largest attendance of any held in Phoenix's Gay Pride Week history. The more-than-two-hour rally, which featured speakers and entertainment, was peaceful: the only demonstrators at the event were a small number of people handing out religious tracts.

Ellis said that his group has filed a formal protest with the Director of the National Park Service. "The Jamestown Conference was a commend able effort on the part of the Fark Service to learn minority view points and to involve minorities in the National Fark System," Ellis said. "However, if the ultimate result of the conference will be censorship of the exhibit and discrimination against one of the groups that attended the conference, we seriously question the sincerity of the Park Service's com mitment to the announced conference goals."

In his opening remarks, Kirk Baxter (Co-chair of The Lesbian and Gay Pride Planning Committee), explained why the march was for Lesbian and Gay Rights rather than Gay Pride: "We are over 20 million strong in this country and we are moving from gay pride to gay politics. It's time we turned that legislature upside down. The main problem with the gay movement is lack of unity, and only through united struggle can we win lesbian and gay rights. The gay community has to face the fact that being gay is being politi cal ."

TP/

The San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus invites all country brothers to get in touch with them if planning to visit the Bay Area. Bro thers should check with the Chorus re garding concert tickets, or the possibility of at tending a rehearsal. Contacts The San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus, Box 14655, San Francisco, CA 94114. Tel: 864-0326

The Pennsylvania Lesbian/Gay Support Network is a broad-based group of lesbians and gay men work ing together to improve legal and social conditions for gay men and women in Pennsylvania. Recently the PL/GSN has begun a "legislative watch" which involves monitoring and following the pro gress of bills in the state legis lature, and informing gay men and women in the state about legislation which might affect their lives. The project also includes the devel opment of 8 booklet on lobbying techniques, building coalitions with other progressive groups, and a close look at state elections. Ihe Network needs your help! Formal membership In the FL/GSN, which In cludes the monthly newsletter, and any special mailings, costs $20 for one year. (Suggested hardship or student membership Is $12). Energy, Ideas, and donations are always welcome .

The following resolution was adopted by the membership of Northern Lambda Nord, Caribou, Maine, August 1981. "RFP magazine is a quarterly journal for 'Country Gaymen Everywhere'. The Mother Earth News (TMEN) is a homesteading/ back-to-the-land publication with a very wide general cir culation . "According to a recent issue of RFP, TNC.N has a policy of refusing RFP advertising. A phone call to TMEN in North Carolina has confirmed their policy of refusing all lesbiangay advertising. They stated that their readers had com plained about seeing gay or lesbian items in TMEN. "The Membership of Northern Lambda Nord adopts the fol lowing resolution: "WHEREAS, The Mother Earth News (TMEN) professes to be a publication for back-to-theland and rural peoples, and "WHEREAS, lesbians and gaymen live not only in urban areas but in rural communities as well, and "WHEREAS there are gaymen and lesbians who are back-to-theland people, homesteaders, and small farmers, and

Contact: T* l* 3e Pennsylvania Lesbian/ Gay Support Network, P. C. Box 822, Federal Square Station, Harrisburg, FA. 17108.

WHEREAS, TMEN magazine has a publicly stated discrimina tory policy towards lesbians and gaymen by their rejection of all gay-and lesbian-oriented advertising, BE IT RESOLVEP, that the Mem bership of Norther Lambda Nord, the lesbian-gay male o r ganization in rural northern Maine and northwestern New Brunswick, calls on all les bians, gaymen and our friends to boycott The Mother Earth News magazine by: (1) cancelling any current subscriptions and notifying TMEN of the reason for the cancellation, (2) refusing to purchase TMEN on the news stand and notifying TMEN of the reason for refusal to pur chase their publication, and (3) sending letters to Ms. Beverly Roots, Advertising Services, TMEN. PO Box 70, Hendersonville, NC 28791 USA, demanding an immediate end to their blatantly homophobic and discriminatory policy towards gaymen and lesbians.

The National Organization of Lesbians and Gays (NCLAG) is a broadly rep resentative national organization of gay men and women. The organization was formed to promote lesbian and gay rights, and to counter the increasing right-wing attack on all who are oppressed. Recent resolutions approved by the organizing body include another national march on Washington, and a U. S. march on the United Nations within the next throe yearsi condem nation of U. S. intervention In 1SL Salvador: support for continued boycott of Coors B e e n and adoption of the Bill of Rights tor employees or patrons of lesblan/gay establish ments . NOLAG plana to house its national office In Boston during the first year. There will be regional rep resentatives — four from each region— elected to the National Coordinating Committee with eight members elected at large. Representation will be co se xual with parity for people of color, and twenty-five percent rural. The Montana delegation has taken the responsibility for organizing areas of the country which are not yet a part of NCLAG. For Information contact NOLAG-Montana, P. 0. Box 9044, Missoula, NT. 5980?, Attn: Ellen Findley: or call Chrlstl Klssell at (213 ) 24? 5844 or at(2l3) 646 7400 extension 231.

"This boycott shall be termi nated when TMEN alters their discriminatory practices." The women and men of Northern Lambda Nord urge our sisters and brothers to support this boycott effort. TNEN also has a syndicated radio program throughout North America: we urge our friends to notify the radio station in their area which carries TMEN’s Drogram of the discriminatory practices of TMEN and to ask the station for their support. Northern Lambda Nord PO Box 990 Caribou, Maine 04736

Paths Untrodden Bookshop

Castle Rising's The Color Book has been compiled in response to the many requests received for information on "how to do something." It con tains rituals, charms, and enchant ments in accordance with the old traditions. Tricei $ 5>50 postpaid.

Paths Untrodden, a mail-order book service offering "books of merit on the gay male experience," has released its 1981 catalog, listing 1,115 titles, both recent and out-ofprint, about homosexuality or by gay authors. Paths Untrodden, which takes its name from a poem by Walt Whitman, offers both new and used books, but specializes in hard-tofind and out-of-print works. The catalog is updated several times a year and is available by mail for $2.00 from Paths Untrodden, F. 0. Box 459, Village Station, New York, NY. 10014.

^CONFERENCES

Ken -nd Wife Newsletter is available through confidential mailings at a cost of $9.00 per year, issues arriving in February, April, June, September, and December. Contact P. Gregory Springer, 208 W. John, Champaign, IL. 61820. Telephone

(?1 7) 351 OQ43 .

NSW YORK STATE GAY/LESBIAN CONFERENCE

GODDESS RISING CONFERENCE

Th« Goddess Rising conference will be held March 26, 27, and 28, 1982 in Sacraaento, CA. It will be an education al, inforaational conference about the Great Goddess and witchcraft, as seen in the views and work of writers, artists and leaders of the Goddess oriented religion of wicca.

W ijJW t rM M 4 D & S 3 M C e A Pagan Renaissance is a witchcraft journal which delves seriously into the old pagan ways. The journal focuses on forms of Divination, Wort Cunning, Sabbats, Formulas, Spells, Customs and Traditions, Recipes, News from the Fagan Community, and loetry... A journal for all who are enchanted with the old ways. A year's subscription is $12. (Outside the US $l4/year. Airmail $l?/year. Sample copy $3*50 postpaid.)

Differing in style and struc ture frosi the various "pan paggan" gatherings held through out 1980-1981, Goddess Rising is »eant to be the first large scale conderence bringing to gether writers, artists, and scholars whose iwages explore and reflect the Goddess, with priestesses and priests whose work centers around the G o d dess and Her consort and Her creatures in our world. It is hoped that we can begin to change the negative images and fearful ateosphere that has been so pervasive in the world.

M A (i>J (CIKA Si DA \] $ 55

Castle Rising is pleased to announce the release of their 196i-52 i.aglckal Days Calendar. This very special calendar has been prepared util izing Koonlore, Ancient Traditions, Energy Currents, Astrological Data, and Isychic Impressions. The calendar is an indispensable guide for anyone who practices Kagick. Calendar runs from Kerch 20, 1981 through harch 19, 1982. Price is $4.50 postpaid. ($3.95 In the shop). Take all checks or money orders payable to CASTLE RISING, F.0. Box 3538, Denver, CO. 8021?

Ken anc: Wife Newsletter deals with the circumstances of being married while living and feeling homosexually. The publication focuses on the lives of men— men who have wives and chil dren end who also engage in same-sex encounters from time to time. If you would like to share with those who live married and gay, Ken and Wife Newsletter includes items and advice on the problems of jealousy, sexual identity, hiding homosexuality, fear of discovery and/or disease, travel and isolation, masturbation, and more. There are also stories from readers who describe some of their sexual experiences.

For registration or other inforaation, writej Goddess Ris ing, FO Box 19241, Sacraaento, CA 95819.

L 6

The State Conference— an Individual membership organization— is a new concept in organizing the gpy/lesbian community and its friends in New York State. Focusing on the small cities and towns, and the rural areas where gay men rnd women have felt particularly isolated, the State Conference is bringing together people who believe that a society accepting of diversity offers every one a better life. For more information contact The State Conference, P.C. Box 92, Syracuse, NY. 13201, Telephone (315) 475-6866, Monday-Friday 8- 5 . There will be a STATEWIDE MEETING in Rochester on October 10 and 11 .

NEW GAY/L2SBIAN fX'SIC SOUGHT In celebration of its fourth anni versary, the Chicaro Gay/Lesbian Community Band has scheduled a special concert for its 1981-82 season. Entitled "Lavender: An evening of Gay and Lesbian Music," the concert will feature music by gay or lesbian composers. For this concert the Band is soliciting new compositions for wind and brass ensembles or band. If you are interested in submitting music or need more information, contact Edgar Borchardt, P. C. Box 11423, Chicago, IL. 606V . Telephone^ (312) 528- 0363.

ATTACKED by Chip Moore tween an adult and a minor amounts to rape and that the power relationship between men and boys is always in favor of the adult. In some instances, NAMBLA speakers have been rejected at different gay conferences throughout the country due to this hostility.

The North American Nan/Boy Lev# Association (NAMBLA) believes that a large seal* attack on its organization began in Jana with the arrest of four mb, two of thee weabers of the NAMBLA steering conittee, in Long Island, NY on var ious charges involving ainor Males. According to Toa Reeves, NAMBLA spokesperson, other aeabers in California, Michigan and New Hanpshire were also taken into custody and questioned by local police in June.

NAMBLA is a rather low-key activist organization that has taken part in many demonstrations un der their own banner. They publish a newspaper, regular news bulletins for members, leaflets, and other literature about man/boy love. Al though they focus on gay male sexuality, they have and want more women members. Since its formation, NAMBLA has held four national con ferences in New York City, Boston and Balti more. They also have many local chapters.

Martin Swithinbank and Jerry Fox were at hoae in Long Island watching television with two teenaged sales when thirty police burst into the house. The teenagers were held by the p o lice for six hours before release. Swithinbank was charged with one count of second-degree so rtowy , a class D felony, and bail was set at an outrageous $100,OCX). At the tine of this writ ing he is still in custody. Fox was charged with one count of second-degree sexual abuse and was released within 24 hours of arrest af ter a $5,000 cash ball was paid. Fox, chair person of the Department of Social Work at Kings College in Pennsylvania, was suspended without pay until the court proceedings.

NAMBLA has an active Prison Support Commitee which maintains contact and corresponds with prisoners incarcerated for consensual sex with minor males. They also have a special Emergen cy Defense Fund used to support gay people in special need. NAMBLA is not a lobby group, but they publicaly advocate and explain the need to abolish all age-of-consent laws. They also de mand the release of all men imprisoned for con sensual sex with minors. Membership in NAMBLA is $15. Members receive ten bulletins and two newspaper/journals. NAMJLA's address is Box 174, Midtown Station, New York, NY 10018.

A Massive force including the FBI, the NY City Morals Squad, the Postal Service, the Pennsyl vania Crime Commission, and the police of NY State and Nassau County was involved in the four Month investigation. Three months before the arrests, the police rented the house next to Swithinbank to photograph every visitor and all activities around the house. One of the moat frightening aspects of the case occurert nine days after the arrests when two NAMBLA members went to Swithinbank*s house to pick up his mail and make sure the house was securely locked. Swithinbank*s boat had been stolen and the unlocked house had been ransacked by neighbors. Stones set# thrown at the two men by those same neighbors. Two days later four NAMBLA members returned to the house to pick up the mail and take pictures for a Gay Community News article and were reportedly taken into custody by the police who ran a National Crime Information computer check on them. The police then took then back to the house where they were met by an angry mob of neighbors who threatened them with guns. The four men fled unharmed.

Suggested Reading: Dukahz, Casimir. The Asbestos Diary. (New York: Coltsfoot Press, 1966). Hamilton, Wallace. Kevin. (New York: St. Mar tin's Press, 1980. In paperback, Signet, 1981 ). Mitzel. The Boston Sex Scandal. (Boston: Glad Days Books, 1980). Moody, Roger. Indecent Assault. (London: Word Is Out/Pteace News, 1980). O'Carroll, Tom. Paedophilia: The Radical Case♦ (London: Pater Oren, 1980).

Much controversy has focused on NAMBLA since its 1978 formation in Boston. (See Mitzel's The Boston Sex Scandal for an excellent account of the events leading up to the birth of NAMBLA). Besides heterosexual opposition, NAMBLA has also faced much hostility from within the gay com munity and press. The feminist movement has been especially harsh towards NAMBLA; and at their recent convention, the National Organiza tion for women adopted a resolution put forward by the Lesbian Rights Committee condemning ped erasty, pornography, sado-masochism, and public sex. Many feminists maintain that any sex be

(This article was compiled from information from NAMBLA and articles in Gay Communit y News by Mitzel and New York Native by Wallace Hamil ton . )

by J. D. Ulmer

"Are you okay," he asked, whispering as though the two of us huddled against the wall were children sharing a secret; would Mother, sus picious of the quiet, come looking and sur prise us?

A loud pounding at my front door woke me. It was Doming, and the chocolate draperies of my bedroom sparkled at pinhole defects. I looked at the clock and was startled. Still in bed at ten, I was already two hours late for work. I swung my fuzzy legs over the mattress' edge, then stood. I was dizzy, and I noticed my throat was sore, my nose was blocked and my mouth was parched. My head felt pressurized and heavy as a balloon filled with water. "Ahh shit," I mumbled, sneezing and knocking the tis sue box to the floor in reaching for it. I was sick.

Embarrassed and feeling stupid, I answered, "Yeah. I'm okay." "Your're alone here, aren't you?" What business was it of his? Had he searched my apartment while I was blacked out? Wary, I replied, "Yes. But I have friends." "Let's get you to bed," he proposed. Hesitant and clumsy, he placed an arm around my back and helped me to my feet. I stopped him there. "I'm alright now. I can make it by myself." I didn't want help from this uninvited stranger who had invaded my privacy. Eyes averted, he stood waiting. Did he want a tip? "I guess I have the flu," I said, then warned, "You could catch it."

I heard the pounding again. Impatient and forceful, it alternated with the brash noise of the buzzer, and the combination sounded like a huge and maddened locust beating at ay door. Wham l The door swung open, and the knob banged against the wall. "Jesust" I thought, moving quickly and grabbing a pair of jeans, my only cover, from the floor. Head throbbing, I shuffled to the living room and stood at one end of the hallway leading to ay front door. At the other end, I saw a man with heavy sheets over one shoulder. Backlit by the sun, he looked like a sack with head and hands.

"It's going around," he admitted. Then he blurted, "You should have someone look in on you. I'll stop by later if you want." "I have friends." "Okay. But I'll be in the apartment next door if you need anything," he offered, gathering his heavy, canvas sheets and opening the door. "Right," I said as he exited. Then I closed the door and locked it. *

"Heyl" I called, trying to be loud and knowing I wasn't . "Yot" He was as startled as myself. 'K3osh. I'm sorry. I banged on the door. I didn't think anyone was here." From the quality of his voice - it was shredded, like the bark of a young tree grown older - I thought him to be in his late twenties. Like me. "We're uhta," he hesi tated, "painting all the apartments." He ad justed his shoulders. "They gave us keys," he added apologetically.

It was around one o'clock in the afternoon when I woke again. Right after the painter had left, I had poured a glass of juice and had re turned to bed. Then I had called work from the phone on my night stand and had explained my absence, adding that I probably wouldn't be in all week and describing my illness in detail. My boss had been sympathetic and had told me not to worry about my projects, but I had talk ed with each of my technicians anyway, provid ing brief instructions for the remainder of the week. And listening to my symptoms, each had agreed my illness was probably the flu.

I was abrupt. "Yeah. Well. You'll have to skip mine." And I felt weak. In a moment, I was sitting on the floor and wondering how I got there. He was crouching beside me, watching me, and his face was so close I felt his breath against my cheek. Recovering from the faint, I stared at him with out reservation. Light, brown hair hung across his forehead like a drapery tied back at one eye. His complexion was marble white and shaded dark with tiny, black dots along his jaw and chinj recently shaved, he smelled of mint. Lines thin as thread divided his forehead into a musical staff, and curved ones enclosed his mouth in parentheses. with high cheekbones, large eyes, a narrow nose and nostrils that shivered with breathing, he had the look of a colt - eager, but timid too.

Rising from my bed, I was disappointed that no one had called during lunch hour. I went to the bathroom, and I took another dose of cold medicine. Though weak and uncomfortable, I didn't want to go back to bed; I was alone there. So I put on a robe, grabbed a blanket and a pil low and lay dons on the couch to watch tele vision. Late in the afternoon, I was relieved to hear a light rapping on ray door. "Some of the guys from work," I thought as I walked down the hall imagining the scene - a group of personnel from the lab, each one concerned and carrying a home remedy like steaming soup, hot tea, salt water or a shot of liqour. Unfortu nately, no one was at the door but the painter.

"Look. I'm really sick," I started. "Yes, I know." He stepped inside and closed the door, explaining, "The cold air isn’t good for you." Then he continued, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I went to a delicatessen for lunch, and while I was there I bought some orange juice. I thought you might need it. I would have brought it over earlier, but I thought you might be sleeping."

Dennis left the bed room and walked to ward the kitchen. I called his name, and he returned. "There's eggs in the refrigerator," I said, "and I have cereal too if you want to make break fast for yourself."

"Oh. Right. Wait a minute. I'll pay you." "No. Not now. When you feel better. I'll be around for awhile. This job should last sever al months." His voice was monotonic, and he looked tired and forlorn, like an abandoned house pet. I figured I roust look that way after a day's work too.

"No thanks," he said. "I got out of the habit of eating breakfast after my divorce "You were married?"

"Thanks," I said, accepting the carton. "That was nice of you. My name's Mike," I offered. "I'm Dennis," he said and was gone.

Dennis returned at noon and prepared hot tea and toast for me. we ate lunch in the bedroom, where Dennis sat on the dresser eating a bologna sandwich and tapping shoeless heels against the wood.

I wasn't feeling any better the next day, and I spent a lot of time sleeping. In the after noon, I managed to drink some tea and eat a few slices of dry toast while watching television. And I drank most of the orange juice the pain ter had brought. I called work to see how my projects were progressing. Everything was fine there, and they all agreed I probably had the flu. I hoped someone would stop by, and I brightened when, around five o'clock, there was a light rapping at the door. But it was only the paper boy, and he left without a smile after I had paid him.

"I hope you don't catch this," I said. "I already had it," he reminded me. "I know," I reminded him. "Do you want the drapes open," he asked, pre paring to leave. "No. The light hurts my eyes." "I'll just open them a little. You don't want to get moldy."

Low to start with, my supply of medicines was almost depleted, and the juice I craved was nearly gone too. Sick as I felt, I had recon ciled myself to a short shopping trip, when I heard someone at the door. This time, it was the painter, Dennis.

"There's an extra key in my wallet," I said as I lay in bed sipping orange juice. We had agreed. It would save him two hours of driving every day, and I needed a nurse. "Terrific. I'll get some clothes and ay shav ing kit and come back."

"Sorry to bother you, but...," he b«gan. I grabbed his forearm and looked earnestly into his face. "Did you bring orange juice?" "Yes." "Bless youi Come ini" Astonished, he laughed.

"Hi." Soft. "Hi." I was quiet too. "How do you feel?" "Pretty bad." 't3ive it a few more days, Michael. better." "Promise?" "I promise."

"Thanks for letting me sleep on your couch last night," Dennis said from my bedroom doorway. "I'm sorry I woke you. I tried to be quiet." "It's alright," I said. I was in bed and wrap ped with blankets up to my chin. "I even turned the gas off before the water boiled so the tea kettle wouldn't whistle."

You'll feel

Ws were in the living room watching one of Dennis' favorite television reruns, During a commercial, he asked what I did for fun. "Not much," I began. "I watch TV. I read..."

"It's alright," I reassured him. "it was really nice of you to let me stay here last night," he repeated. "It's such a long drive to my place and in heavy traffic. I hate it."

"I noticed," he exclaimed. I had a lot of books . "There's a section of the Appalacian trail near here," I continued, "and I go hiking once in awhile."

I didn't reply, but grunted. "Can I get you anything?" "No. I'm going back to sleep."

PAI NT

C O N T INOE-D It was afternoon, and Dennis stood in front of the sliding glass doors at one end of the liv ing room. "You smell a little gamy," I said brusquely.

"Who do you go with?" "I go alone. And I like going to movies." "Who do you go with?" "I go by myself." "You're a loner. I thought you were." "Not by choice," I said with a hint of self-pity. "Poor baby," Dennis teased, laughing. "Suck a grape," I said.

He dipped his nose into his armpit and sniffed, then replied in kind, "You're r ight." Gruff, I asked, "What are you doing," as he removed his shirt. Incredulous, I exclaim ed, "The drapes are wide open," as he dropped his pants and stepped out of them, then strode past me wearing nothing but jocky shorts.

I was lying on the couch, and Dennis handed me a soft drink. Thirsty and grateful, I wrapped my fingers around the prints of his own im pressed on the frosty glass. "Don't you ever clean your apartment," he asked, surveying the living room. "Not too often," I replied. The place was dis order and dust. I liked it that way. I thought it manly.

"There's paint all down your back," I said quietly, watching his lean frame from behind and the shudder of his calves with every step.

"You need a wife," he stated. "Why didn't you ever get married?" "No one ever asked me," I snapped. "Why did you get divorced?" "I came home and found my wife in bed with a man who wasn't me."

"What did you do? Roll in it," I whispered to his last position and ray memory of him.

"Oh. I'm sorry." "It doesn't matter. It was a long time ago, and there was something wrong with the marriage anyway. I didn't blame her. I didn’t even get mad. It was for the best." "I'm sorry." "There were no children. It was for the best."

Smiling, he peeked around the corner and tossed his underwear at me . "Turkey," I cried and chased after him. I found him leaning over the bathtub and adjusting the water flowing from its faucet. He gave a quick twist to the fixture, and the plumbing gurgled until water sprayed from the shower head.

Feeling healthy for the first time in five days, I was up and dressed and grumpy. "I hope you dusted," I said sarcastically. Dennis had al ready washed dishes, organized the living room and discarded magazines I hadn't read.

"As long as you're here, you might as well wash the paint off of my back," he said indifferent ly and stepped into the tub, then drew the show er curtain to its full length.

He laughed uncomfortably. "I will. That's next on my list. Right after I vacuum." I regretted having been abrupt. But I was in a bad mood, disgusted with myself and resentful of him. Last night, with Dennis billited on the living room couch and myself lodged in the bed room, we had talked after the lights were out. Our conversation travelled an indirect and variable route; every comment skirted furniture, bent around corners and was deflected by walls; every phrase felt its own way in the dark. I thought he was probing, and I wanted to answer. But I had misinterpreted and guessed wrong b e fore. We traded statements between pauses of increasing duration, finally abandoning the effort and sleeping.

I was going to tell him not to do me any favors, but I undressed instead and entered the tub, where I stood behind him so we both faced the shower head. 'Tiive me the soap," I said. He dropped the bar over his shoulder, and I caught it, then scrubbed every section of his back several times. "Come on," he complained, "I couldn't have that much paint on me." "I never do a half assed job." "What's that supposed to mean?" I cupped one cheek and lathered it, then soaped an expanded area. His shoulders trembled. "I know I didn't get paint. There." His voice, quiet and timid, cracked.

"I'm sorry," I said, though the resenttoent lin gered . "I didn't mean to take over," Dennis apologized. "Our first fight," I thought, mocking my own pretension.

I was uncertain and choked up myself.

"Dennis?"

He turned around with eyes tearing and face flushed, then released emotion restrained too long. His laughter echoed in the shower, and mist scattered and swirled in front of him. And I laughed too, wondering what the hell was so funny.

ffkat Jfape I Left c c o p y r i g h t 1981 John J . Soldo what

He held my elbows and swung my arms. I was about to give up on youl"

"Michaell

Z informed him that he could have been more straightforward. How was I supposed to know? X looked at his groin. "I guess that's pretty straightforward!" And he looked at me. "Not much doubt there either!"

have I left from so m a n y c ity nights w h e r e my soul w a s spotted out a g a i n s t t h e s ky in p a t t e r n s o f o f f i c e l i g h t s t u r n e d o n by c l e a n i n g l a d i e s f r o m t r i p s to t h e f i v e b a r s that c i r c u m s c r i b e a jagged circle o f lu s t h i d d e n in d i m l i g h t s of flesh that touched w i t h o u t caress l u s t s i g n a l l e d in s u r f a c e talk and pointed smiles and s e r p e n t i n e eyes

what do I have a f t e r so m a n y mornings after telephone numbers w r i t t e n d o w n in d r e a m s of h o p e or a s an e x c u s e for e v a s i v e c o n t a c t g o o d b y e s t h r o u g h t he d o o r and forgotten dried sperm on hand towels tossed aside c r u m p l e d in the c o r n e r li k e the w o r d s b e f o r e d a w n

We scrambled for each other. Frantic and clumsy, we were two horny puppies wrestling, reaching, poking and stumbling. Pressed tight at our bellies, .we were an octopus newborn, eight legs agitated and eager to know itself.

w hat do I have o u t h e r e in the c o u n t r y d e s i r e th a t h a s long s i n c e d i e d li k e a f i e l d of m a i z e in the w i n t e r s t a l k s th a t h a v e t u r n e d b r o w n f or t he c l i m a t e is a r i d the s o i l is a l k a l i n e and fellows of the per s u a s i o n a r e as s c a r c e as the r a i n t h e o n l y c o m p a n y o n e h a s is the w i n d

We showered for a long time before each of us, exhausted and blear-eyed, agreed that he was cleaner than he had ever been. Dennis shut off the wa ter and exited one end of the tub, while I stepped out from the other end and into the shower curtain, Losing myself in its folds. Dennis drew me out from the wet, slippery plastic and slapped my ass as I emerged. Startled, I cried out and took a deep breath, then laughed along with him.

I h o l d // N O / / I only have myself w i t h o u t t he c o s m e t i c s of n i g h t in t he s un t h i s s e l f is s a t i s f i e d to be a s it is an e m p t y f o u n t a i n for w h i c h o n e p r a y s for s p l a s h i n g s to r i v e r the sun knowing that one m u s t w ait for d i s t a n t t h u n d e r i n g s

We dried and held each other. "Thank God for paint," Dennis sighed softly. 1 •■iled, amused by his innocence and feeling wise. "You really thought there was paint on your back, huh?" "No," he replied, nibbling ay ear

LISTEN, YOUR THOUGHTS WILL CEASE -Len Richardson ...aloness is the beginning of being. Alone is the first step towards inner peace. The world within is unexplored. It is a gen. full fragrances unknown folds beyond dreans joys without tears one without a second seeing the attachnents from the seat of knowledge infinite alite stretch out your hand a universe within and another second you will start unwinding many years, nany tears, everything that has added or gained, clained or any part of the sake up til now which you thought you knew. BY GCD it is just the opposite of what I thought...

FRED I. HAVE A RED CHINESE KITE -- Bill Gouge Fred I have a red Chinese kite blowing in ay head, painted not with dragons but with angelhair /ancient root* mystical and pur* in the purple underground of thi* cerebral windy white kit#/night/flight/sight/light-

But how can I learn to be quiet? I am afraid of something I don't know. I am afraid of not experiencing anything. You just do not want to hear it... LISTEN, YOUR THOUGHTS WILL CEASE

to relent/release/relax/relive/relief/repent/ replenishThere is a kit* free in a god's eye There is an ancient angel being born There is a kite swaying from the left to the right and landing in the aiddle of pure light.

SHAMAN SONG - David Sunseri

and this aoaent I an not afraid of being happy I have not the man/woman Thing within me 0 Shiva 1 only Build Bridges Half-way houses to heaven 0 Madonna 1 get lost travelling The straight and narrow 0 Isis 1 walk rainbows In a barefoot dream O Sophia.

My kit* is stringless and talking to clouds/ spreading faster than a kudzu I no longer have the need to fight.

STIFF -- Gury Gilman You reach for me. You reach for the hollow thumping of our hearts on the mattress. You ask me behind you fast hard questions (but I will not be mentor). You grin from another room that I should come to you. You try to say Tendencies but you swallow, don't say it. You wait for me to speak... What should I say?

AFTER ALL

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Glenalien

After all we slept like spoons in a velvet lined drawer waking only to sounds like plump puppies at dusk on the lake the mating call of loon floats like disembodied hounds over the misty lapping waves the morning coffee and spice cake bringing me softly awake to the especially thick cream covering your mustache and lip at seven the mail truck becomes a cloud of dust wide-eyed amid the morning glories I look for your notes they bloom other-wordly flowers in ay nit* reflection memories after all

JACKSCN SQUARE 9.14.79 LATE AFTERNOON -- Aurora Corona Gray rainy day walking thru the pastel breakers of facades centuries weathered like this strolling blue & stalk like thru the alleys this time out of the jazz of brazen traffic floating the fall breeze sweet low moaning blue rainy harmony washing blues into souls strolling the rain slick square, ancient low blue moans from a trumpet or horn sweet melancholy like licorice like the black old woman's rich sould of this city. The bul like the black old woman's rich soul of this city. The buildings are candy, taffy & pralines ageless liquore this music misty sky architecture sunk in sticky thick translucancy throaty wailings lilting joy trickling thru that slow meiter of blues blue grey sky eyes awash with blues ears abound with careening pace of blues. A single sad piper laying his life's growth into this heavy heady horny new Orleans sky. The clock tinnily chiming hours into blues dismantled now packed inside a case the blues persist. sidewalk careens blue print blue slipping back into quarter jazz hustle jump the glaring tempo & the blues all nested away in velvet like the sound like the sky like the soul of blues.

(For C. W. and H. H . ) BROTHER SONG -- Kevin Cox Your are my dance. (The Dance has found another dancer.)

You are the dancers; I am our Dance. You are the dancers gliding twirls from me, wreathing pirouettes-adornments-around our bodies.

PICTURES AND EMOR I E S

-- Steve *»allagi

Pictures bring memories, And memories bring pictures to mind. A summer gladness, A winter sadness, Fingered edges and tear-stained pages Of letters turning brown. Faces passing in the street, Hurried footsteps down the hall. A key in the lock, A familiar call. An open door, A closed heart. An empty cup for yesterday, A hollow eye for tomorrow. A smile for the good times, A tear for the bad tines, A sigh for what might have been. Alone together and alone apart, So far away and yet so near. Pictures bring memories, And memories brino pictures to mimd. But memories and picture* are not enough, You live inside me But not beside me. And I'm beside myself alone.

NOVEMBER WITH JOE -- Vincent Fitzpatrick I kiss the heat of your mouth and we are a bonfire of one. It is as if I were a blond flame leaping across your darker body, and you the core of the fire spreading out to consume me.

PRAYMATES:

AUF CAUCASUS Carl Morse It'* crazy how it helps to be back and have you, guard borders shot to hell, come again in my face and ass, as this poem is coming in your s , durable and fervent as the mihrab in a fine Saruk, pulsing except where God made a mistake.

You are my song. (The Song has found another singer.) You are the singers; I am our Song. You are the singers soaring embellishments from me, weaving improvisations— garlands around our heads.

You are the guy I dare to mix most colors with, and some of these knots could outlast heels and boots. Maybe we'll end up on a wall where folks will pay to watch us, gaping holes and all.

SEVEN CYCLES: RUNNING WATER -by Franklin Abbott 2 July 1981 Running Water is what we hear Stream falling over stones joins our laughter A kiss is passed around the circle And we sing for a cloud to cover us To teach us about softness And we dance for the sun To make love with the cloud For golden light to penetrate The mist of gray And circle our circle with a rainbow For we, through seven cycles Are lovers of the sky and earth Just as we are lovers of each other Charging souls and changing hearts We are men on a mountain Our feet on the ground What we hear is running water Stream falling over stones that laugh and sing Like we do Above us sun and cloud making love Like love we make below And around the circle, around and around We pass a kiss and call our rainbows Transformat ion For wÂŤ are a radiant change of heart That is a long time overdue

BY CANDLE FLAME Reflections on Winter Gathering - Atlanta -by Glenallen By Ritual in the Spirit of Joys By Fire, the passions of Men and Boys in love for us all thru changes Winter Spring Summer Fall Sing to Her - Loud and Long in you lie powers Bright and Strong Fearless Loving Magic, Warriors of the Spirit of Life Born of Struggle, Tried by Strife -

Photo by J e f f G u i c e

Open the Portals of her Heart We begin anew, Never far Apart The Circle Always Changing Growing Shining One facets of the Goddess, flashing in the Sun Promises of Love, Passion and Pain to find Laughter in the Rain to find healing and Learn from Sorrow to love today and begin again tomorrow

Then i t was tim e . She r o s e in th e sk y , Her cream ed g o ld b e a u ty shim m ering in a c le a r n ig h t above th e t r e e s . Q u ic k ly , som ew hat n o i s i l y , we f iv e v o y ag e rs made our way to a p la c e above th e g a rd e n and we s to o d in w o nder, arm s aro u n d each o th e r , g a z in g aw esom ely a t a p r e t e r n a t u r a l g lo r y .

"Come G re a t G od d e ss Come. Come G re a t G oddess Come", th e s e w ords c o n tin u e d re s o u n d in g in my m ind a s we c e le b r a te d th e f u l l moon a t R unning W a ter. No n o tic e was s e n t; no i n v i t a t i o n s o f f e r e d - j u s t a sp o n ta n e o u s g a th e r in g t h a t h ap p en ed w ith no f o r e th o u g h t. Mark and D avid from New York w ere en d in g t h e i r v i s i t w h ile Dean and F iv e r ( h is p o o ch ) w ere b e g in n in g t h e i r s . I a ls o was b e g in n in g - a new c h a p te r in my l i f e (How e p ic o f me to s a y t h a t ! ! )

S in g in g , h u g g in g , k is s in g we w h o lly e x p re s s e d o u r g r a t i t u d e to H e r. Then lu n a c y h i t . One am asses "am oeba" su rro u n d e d l a t e - a r r i v i n g Dean and he becam e one w ith th e Lady a ls o . We s to o d a g a in in s ile n c e b e fo re m aking ou r way back to th e g a lle y to quench a d ra m a tic c a s e o f th e MUNCHIES t i l Popcorn and t a l k , la u g h te r an d h u g s, q u ie t and to u c h in g , each a w a ite d us - alo n g w ith a som e w hat g ro g g y DearOne who woke l a t e r th a n he p la n n e d . (F iv e r j u s t s le p t know ing th a t th e s e 5 " c r a z ie s " w ere g o in g to be a l l r i g h t . ) The voyage ended l a t e r a s each o f us c lim b e d in to our b e d s , arm s aro u n d each o th e r o r o u r s e lv e s . . . .

The S a tu rd a y a f te r n o o n p r e p a r a tio n s w ere calm b u t e x p e c t a n t . Mark g a th e r e d th e s a c re d h e rb s , I c le a n e d up th e G o ddess a l t a r in th e o r c h a rd , D avid and Dean w ere o f f som ew here, Ron was ta lk in g w ith P e te r and R ocky, and DearOne - from A tla n ta - was co p p in g some z 's u p s t a i r s .

And th e moon g e n tly lau g h ed us to s le e p w h ile s a i l i n g Her g u a rd ia n s h ip a c ro s s a f u l l s t a r r e d n ig h t. tryr;rrra [yyirrjrjrNV>j

At th e a g re e d tim e o f s u n s e t, we g a th e r e d , in co stu m e, a t th e a l t a r p a r ta k e o f th e M o th e r's h e rb s (e x c e p t P e te r , R ocky, and DearOne som eone had to be to u r g u id e s f o r th e v o y ag e) and began our m a g ick a l t r i p . Q u ie t p e rv a d e d our s u n s e t r i t u a l w ith K yphi in c e n s e , f r u i t , f lo w e rs , and an o f f e r in g o f to b a c c o d e c o r a tin g th e om phalos ( n a v e l) s to n e s . We each gav e th a n k s in our own ways and in g e s te d th e p s y c h o -sa c ra m e n ts th a t w ould open us t o th e r e c e p tio n o f th e G o d d ess' pow ers and b e a u tie s . Time p a s s e s - and 2 p i p e s / j o i n t s , I f o r g e t and we g ig g le d , d a n ced , sang and made m e rry . C ool d a rk n e s s su rro u n d e d a l l g a th e r e d on "B" deck o f HMS R unning W ater fo r th e t r i p . F iv e g lo r io u s F a e r ie s to o k on th e many a s p e c ts o f th e Lady as th e y " p o s s e s s e d " ea ch o f us in tu r n w h ile a w a itin g th e s h in in g fa c e to r i s e in th e sky. Rocky and P e te r - th e ev er g lo r io u s s te w a rd s o f our voyage - s e rv e d w ine w h ile Ja n e O l i v e r 's m usic w a fte d from th e lo u n g e (R o n 's b ed ro o m ). 15

A rriv in g in tim e to h e lp Edwin and th e o th e r k itc h e n f a e r ie s g e t t fo o d re a d y fo r th e R unning W ater g a th e r in g . E ig h t f a e r i e s a r r iv e d W ednesday and 35 w ere th e r e by T h u rsd ay n i t e . A ll o f th e c h o re s g o t done b e fo r e F r id a y . Over 112 f a e r i e s showed up to c e le b r a te th e S o ls tic e . C hanges a r e h a p p en in g a t R unning W ater and w ith RFD. I u rg e each and ev ery o n e o f you to fo c u s on t h e i r needs and do what you f e e l i s w ith in your l i m i t s . One th in g th a t i s needed i s more s u b s c r ip tio n s to RFD. From R unning W ater I was o f f to New York C ity fo r t h e i r p a ra d e on Gay Freedom D ay, J u ly 4 th w eekend I was up a t B lu e H eron Farm w ith 40 o th e r f a e r i e s . Four o f th e S i s t e r s o f P e rp e tu a l In d u lg e n c e o f T o ra n to came down and c e r t a i n l y w ere a h i t . Swimming in th e r i v e r c lo s e by h e lp e d r e la x you from th e hot and hum id d a y s . M eals w ere p r e p a r e d by th o s e f a e r i e s who f e l t i n s p ir e d to c r e a t e d e lic io u s d e l i t e s fo r t h e i r b r o t h e r s . S e v e ra l id e a s came up th a t roost f e l t needed to be d is c u s s e d a t f u tu r e g a th e r in g s , T erm in o lo g y i s im p o rta n t fo r th o s e th a t have n ever a tte n d e d a g a th e r in g . We a re j u s t now s t a r t i n g to f in d o u t who we a r e . T h is m eans th a t we must c o n s ta n tly ask q u e s tio n s . Each o f us m ust ta k e th e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y fo r m aking happen a t g a th e r in g s what we want to h a p p en . We need to work on tr u s t- b u ild in g .u n d e r s ta n d in g d if f e r e n c e s and m ost im p o rta n t r e c o g n iz in g th a t th e d if f e r e n c e in each o th e r i s o k a y . We need to re a c h o u t and to u c h m ore. We n eed to d is c u s s why we f e e l th e way we do to w ard a g e ism , s e x is m , c l a s s , ra c e and lo o k s . S e v e ra l f a e r i e s a r e g e t t i n g b u rn t o u t and we need to exam ine our e x p e c ta tio n s and se e how we a s a c u ltu r e can h e lp th o s e in n eed . T hese a r e j u s t th o u g h ts to m e d ita te on and I'm o p to m is tic enough to f e e l we w ill be f ly in g h ig h in th e sky in more ways th a n you can im a g in e . Thank you a l l fo r th e s u p p o rt you have g iv e n me as I t r a v e l a ro u n d . Keep th o s e b e l l s r in g in g my d e a r .

As I was s i t t i n g in th e woods e n jo y in g th e calm n ess one g e ts from th e s e a d v e n tu re s , I s t a r t e d g e t t i n g ru s h e s th a t I s h o u ld go to S h o rt M ountain fo r t h e i r May Day C e le b r a tio n . I had a lr e a d y been to e v e ry g a th e r in g th a t th e shaw l had been to t h i s p a s t y e a r . Why s to p now, I a sk e d m y s e lf. I ca u g h t th e n e x t bus and was on my way. Over 70 f a e r i e s w ere p r e s e n t and i t was good to s e e th a t a lm o st h a l f w ere women. T h e ir was p le n ty o f room fo r p r iv a c y and i t was good to have fem ale en e rg y and in p u t fo r th e s o c i a l i z i n g and c i r c l e s . The women had t h e i r own c i r c l e s and a sw eat w hich gave them tim e to d w ell on th e m s e lv e s . I t was e x c itin g know ing we w ere in th e groundw ork fo r th e S h o rt M ountain S a n c tu a ry a s th e a r t i c l e s o f in c o r p o r a tio n w ere sig h n e d on May D ay. To c e l e b r a t e t h i s o c c a s io n th o s e p r e s e n t f e l t th e o ld t r a d i t i o n s w ere to o r id g e d and we sh o u ld form ou r own r i t u a l s . A liv in g May P o le sh o u ld be u s e d . W ell h on ey, K athy G ro ss and I w ere p u t in th e c e n te r o f th e c i c l e w h ile c o lo re d s tre a m e rs w ere in te rw o v e n aro u n d us a s th e f a e r i e s d a n c e d and sang o f t h e i r jo y and h a p p in e s s . A fte r th e g a th e r in g B rik and Ann gave me a r id e to K n o x v ille w here I c a u g h t a b us fo r V ir g in ia B each. My s ta y w ith M ark,B yron, Ken and S i s t e r B e lle W hatley was a d e l i t e . B e fo re I l e f t San F r a n c is c o , I h ad t o ld my f r ie n d C la rk T a y lo r from th e I n s t i t u t e fo r th e Advanced S tud y o f Human S e x u a lity th a t I w ould come back to th e c i t y to h e lp him w ith th e m aking o f a pagon sex m agic f ilm . T h is was why I c u t my v i s i t s h o r t and d id n o t make my b ir th d a y p a r ty a t S h o rt M oun tain. P u r lie t o l d me ev ery o n e had a g r e a t tim e . W illie and G reg came d re s s e d up in c o stu m e s. T hose a re fa b u lo u s sh o es G reg'. When I g o t back to San F r a n c is c o , 15 f a e r i e s g a th e r e d up t h e i r b a llo o n s , b u b b le s , f e a t h e r s , c o stu m e s, m asks, m u sic a l in s tru m e n ts and head ed fo r th e h i l l s o f M arin C ounty a c ro s s th e G o lden G a te B rid g e to film what e v e r came to mind and bod y. When was th e l a s t tim e you had sex w h ile a f a e r i e p la y e d h is h a rp . Thank you E a r l . The s lu r p s and sound s o f sex go w e ll w ith h a rp m u sic . We jum ped in to th e h o t tub as a g ra n d f i n a l e . S e v e ra l d ay s l a t e r I was o f f to B oston to a tte n d th e 7 th N a tio n a l Men and M a s c u lin ity C o n fe re n c e . T here I found Dim id and S ta c y s e l l i n g b u tto n s and th in g s . Hot Damm. The openning n i t e f a e r i e c i r c l e was a tte n d e d by 35. I was on my way a g a in f o r A s h e v ille .

P ho to 16

M ilo

THEAPOTHECARY

BY TERRY STAM PS P.D. Is there a repellant for roaches?

What can I do about mites on my chickens?

Yes. Firstly, take care to clean out any food scraps that may be lying around under the sink and in any other damp place. Secondly, sprinkle boric acid powder or powdered borax(avai1able at any drugstore) under the sink or wherever you find them. Within 24 hours they will be gone.

Make a "sandbox" of dry dirt in the corner of their yard in which they can wallow and dust themselves. About once a week throw in a handful of sulfur powder. Also dust their nests and roosts with sulfur and add about 2 tablespoonfuls to their feed about once a week. It will eliminate the problem in very short order.

How about silver fish?

What can be done when fleas suddenly take over the house?

Use the same treatment as for roaches. How can I eliminate ants? Short of poisoning them and nearly everything else in the house, it is difficult. However, red ants and small sweet eating ants are re pelled by sulfur. Tie little bags of it and lay around in and on the cupboards. Also cloves tied into little bags will repel most any type of ant. I like the latter method because it also keeps the stale smells out of the cabinets. What can I do about the summer fly problem? On animals tansy(Tanaceturn vulgare )ti ed in a gar land or tied to their taiTs Is an excellent re pellant. Also grow this attractive herb around around the house in the flowerbeds. In the house or on the porch, have pots of geraniums. Not only will the blooms liven up the place, but the flies will find another place to go.

Sprinkle lavender oi1(L avendula o fficinalis or L a . vera) on the f 1oors,” tFe mattress and on the~T!nens or crush lavender flowers and do the same. It needs repeating every 6 or 7 days. The oil works pretty well on animals too if repeated every 3 or 4 days since they tend to rub it off rather fast.(Since lavender has a sedative effect, don't be surprised if they act a bit sedated--it won't do that to you, but you will sleep "like a baby".) Or sprinkle a mixture of equal parts of sulfur and alum over the floors and sweep it well into the cracks and crevices of the room. Allow to remain overnight before sweeping it up. By repeating weekly for 2 or 3 weeks, the problem will be completely eliminated. Is there anything that I can do to keep mice out of the seeds that I hold over for next year? Put a block of Camphor in the box with the seeds--mice hate the smell. This will also keep the little critters out of the linens. Also, when you put the sweaters away, put a camphor block inside with them to keep away the moths as well.

Is there anything reasonably natural that can be done to treat body or crab lice or even scabies?

The best method is still the oldest treatment (also the messiest). Take about 45 grams of sulfur and mix it well into about 60 grams of petroleum jelly. Apply this over the entire body from the neck down- Leave on for 24 hours and bathe. Repeat this application for 4 or 5 nights. Then change all your linens and wash them and all your clothing, paying close attention to the clothing since lice fre quently hide in the seams. (Hot soapy water is all that is necessary to kill any type of lice.) And if you can haul the mattress out into the sun for the day, all the better. In the case of crab lice, be sure to apply the mixture to the beard and eyebrows, since for some reason, crabs like it there too. This is also the treatment for scabies.

How can I get rid of the attic rats? Sprinkle Copperas(Iron sulfate) from the drugstore in their runs to repel them. Also sage crumbled and sprinkled around their spaces and placed in their dens will repel them. Is there a natural bug repellant for garden plants other than companion planting? Mix 1 package of chewing tobacco or snuff and 30 grams of cayenne(Caps icum frutescens ) in about 2 litres of water. Allow tcT stancf for 5 or 6 days. Filter and spray or sprinkle over the plants. Since this does not penetrate very well it needs repeating frequently, par ticularly in the rainy season, but it works well for chewing insects.

Any questions for The Apothecary may be directed to RFD or to Jerry Stamps; 33 Van Buren; Eureka Springs Arkansas 72632.

brothers behind bars RFD n e ed s to h e a r th e t r u t h from b e h in d p r is o n w a lls . " B ro th e rs B ehind B a rs" i s a f r e e forum fo r p r is o n e r s to e x p re s s f e e l i n g s , id e a s , e x p e r ie n c e s , r e a c tio n s and to c o n ta c t o th e r s . L e tte r s w ill be e d ite d f o r s p e l l i n g , p u n c tu a tio n and c l a r i t y u n le s s s p e c if ie d o th e rw is e . I t i s r e q u e s te d th a t c o n ta c t l e t t e r s n o t ex ceed 200 w ords a s sp ace i s lim ite d . offer black checks on friendship, but don't be so closed that you can't renegotiate with your self. It's not unreasonable to offer to supply stamps or envelopes for someone who doesn’t earn a regular salary. You might even be willing to see if you can send him a subscription to a mag azine he might enjoy. If he talks about being short on cigarettes or food, you might even want to send $10 once in a while. It's best not to offer money or get involved in responding to requests for money. But when a friendship de velops you can't help wanting to make things a bit easier. If you're afraid of a rip-off, don't do it. It has to be a gift with no strings attached and no fear of consequences.

The following counsel about writing to Gay pri soner* was written by Bob of Chicago. It was printed first in the Sept.-Oct. 1980 Newsletter (#17) of Black and White Pten Together (279 Collingwood St., San Francisco, CA 94114). We'd like to pass it on here to KFD readers who way be interested in getting involved with writing to a Gay prisoner but doesn't know how to begin. We'd like to urge every reader to Get Involved! The first thing anyone who is contewplating cor respondence whould do is ask hiwself, "What as X trying to gat out of this?" There is no such thing as a free lunch, if you get the idea. We all have things we are trying to get out of any experience and it is best to try to clarify that for ourselves.

Reviewing your commitment every other month or so is a good idea. Don't be any more rigid with this friendship than with others, nor more foolish. Most of us don't lend $25 to someone we just met last week, so don't do it here. If your correspondent asks for something you can't give (money, more frequent letters, fantasy trips), let hi* know. But don't put him down because of it either.

It way be a huwanitarian ispulse which wakes us want to help anyone who is deprived of meaning ful friendships and contacts with the outside world. It nay be we secretly want to help the imprisoned fight the systew and, in so doing, vent some of our own anger against the estab lishment. we may just be hoping for a sexual fantasy trip. After all, in fantasies no on* ever has to face the realities we meet in every day situations, and many guys locked up for several years are willing to lead us on fantasy trips.

If you've had no experience with persons in carcerated before, you might wonder what to ex pect . Bach person is an individual and you can't generalize. Remember, though, prison is a total environment. It really gets to a guy. He may develop behavior patterns that he him self doesn't like, but instinctively grasps at when he relates to someone. Conning and mani pulation are survival skills for a convict. D on’t expect hi* to drop them for you, and don't judge him for using the only protection he may have. Just be yourself and don't fall for a line. You really can't be conned unless you set yourself up for it. Respond to what ever seems genuine in the correspondence and let the bullshit fall by the wayside.

There are more subtle reasons for corresponding. W* might desire to begin a relationship--friendship or oth*rwis*--in a different way. At a distance one can ease into a situation or test it out. We can even use post office boxes to insure our safety and privacy. We might relish the fact that we can easily become important to someone simply by writing once a week. We can all recall seeing those overdone scenes in old war movies about mail call, and you can be sure mail time becomes very important to someone b e hind prison walls. Don't kid yourself--you will become important to someone, though it can be for a variety of reasons.

Some cons want to talk about prison life. 0thers prefer not to; they wnat you to be an island of sanity in their insane world. They may even think that you wouldn't believe most of what they tell you. And you probably would not. Some outsiders who get involved in this type of correspondence are voyeurs, people who want to get a glimpse of prison and criminal life through their friend. Just because the man is behind bars doesn't mean he would enjoy being treated like a resident of the zoo--a rare species to be kept for our viewing plea sure. Treat your correspondent as a man, not a prisoner.

Don't worry too much about your motivation. Just try to clarify it. Do n ’t be judgemental either. Just remember your reasons can be as complex and perhaps as devious as those of some one mho might want to con you into getting him out of prison. On the other hand, they might o* as simple and straightforward as those of someone who just wnats a regular sounding board for his feelings and ideas. After you review your motivations, check out what you think you will be willing to offer. Friendship is a weasel word. It means various things to different people. Be specific. "If you want someone to write to, I'd be glad to try to write to you once a week or so." Don't

If you develop a friendship I think you will find that your correspondent will share deeper feelings with you. It's easier for him to do it with someone who doesn't know him and doesn’t

brothers behind

ON WRITING TO OUR BROTHERS BEHIND BARS (or How I Accidently Came Face-to-Face With R-E-A-L-I-T-Y ) by BJ Murphy BBB Editor - Central States North

b a r s

A prisoner's existence is no picnic and those who write RFD are often in more depressing and dangerous circumstances than their fellow (hetero) inmates. Doesn't it strike you as remarkable that so many of their letters are upbeat and beautifully direct expressions?

share his environment. It gives him a release without becoming vulnerable; you can't use sen sitive information against him in everyday living. Once trust is established, be ready for some heavy trips. The guy may not have had someone to talk to for several years. If you respond he may well fall in love. Why not? You may be the only person who has shown any concern for him in many years and he can't help hoping it will develop into something which will ful fill his needs. Again this may only be a con. Respond to it as you feel, but remember love doesn't occur too often without some sort of physical proximity.

I think there are two reasons why this is so. First, most gay men are forced to rely on their own strengths and to live strategically to sur vive. These capabilities are exactly those most needed if a prisoner is going to be able to reconstruct his life. So, many who write RFD are reaching out for confirmation from likeminded beings, just as most of us on the outside have done at one time or another.

Is your convict friend using you to get out? Is he promising the world just to get help in ob taining a release? He may well be doing that, but, more realistically, he may simply be scared stiff of trying to make it in a legitimate way on the outside after many years of prison life. The reality of the outside world, once you have a record, can be extremely discouraging, e s pecially for a Black man with few or no market able skills. He may be reaching out desperately for help and he may be very sincere about his feelings. The problem is those feelings may well change once he gets out. He finds he can sake it without you; he say even find he doesn't, want to "b o s s with guys" anymore. That doesn't mean that isn't what he really felt while inside. One last word about Gayness in prisons. Homo sexuality inside is very structured. Sex b e comes more involved with power than pleasure, more related to roles than relating. Don't ex pect your friend not to be affected by this. No matter how sincere and open you are, don't have messianic complexes about the power of your love to transcend prison reality. Meet your friend as a man, offer him whatever you can, and don't be naive.

The second reason men in prison write is, of course, to help counter their loneliness. I've written several BBB'3 who have been rejected by their family, not because they got into trouble and went to prison, but because they are gay. One person with whom I've become close hadn't heard from anyone nor had any visitor for fivr> years! The reason their letters are still fairly upbeat is that these people have lived thru this loneliness and now are able to reach out to make new contacts with the outside. In fact, that is a definite stage in the rehabil itative process (when it exists). My guess is that most of the people we hear from are true examples of the system working in spite of itself. This understanding makes me want to point out both the rewards and the responsibilities that come with answering these calls for concern. These are real flesh-and-blood men who are writing to us. They are there in their cello right now as you read RFD. They have plenty of love to give and also very definite needs. We can adopt a light 'gay pen pal' approach, which xs perfectly OK as long as we make it clear that's all we want to do. But I know of one case where somebody was writing to one of our brothers and toying with his emotions until he finally couldn't take it anymore and had to write and tell that plastik fairy where to stick it: We should be careful not to make promises we don't intend to keep.... but then, it could be very rewarding to get involved. I realized suddenly, after mailing a letter that I had actually offered to visit the guy.' It was too late to back out; I had to go thru with it. Boy, am I glad I did. After all, aren’t we really trying to bring more REALITY into our lives? I have been, by setting up my life to be an expression of my most inspiring visions.... and this was a brand new way.' I got more from the visit than he did, although he says his life is really looking up and all because of me..... but I've felt more alive ever since I went to see him. I just wanted to encourage any of you who have the time to get involved a little. A few minutes spent writing a letter can mean alot to someone who’s lonely, and if you write and establish a friendship, and he's nearby and open to it, why not go meet him in person? You'll find out that he's a real sweetheart.' Love, BLUJAY

Dear friends;

b ro th e rs

behind

bars

D*»r friends, I just received the latest is sue of RFD. I thank you once again for a beautiful Magazine. There is a change needed by RFD that I would like to hap pen. To have stories and ar ticles about Man/Soy love. I rarely see any information and/or concern for wen and boys who love and/or need each other. I greatly appreciate you printing the ad for NAMBLA of which 1 an a weeber. It is one step in the right direction for men and boys who need each other. Yours with love, Bruce Miller #103431 Box 548 Lexington, OK 73051

I an a 43 year old boy-lover doing a y second tern on boylove . This tine they gave ne 14 years because the laws are not right or just in consen sual sex laws. I was a cross-country trucker for 10 years; the seven years before that I did ny first term. If you think that we have a common interest, then it would be nice to know each other. I have been a boy-lover since I was 5 years old and actively gay since Z was seven. I cane out too young to ununderstanding people in an ununderstanding world that has kept we behind bars most of ay loving life. I guess when I get out of here in 1989, if I can, I will have to try to see about living in the Philippines. Or where a wan can be free to love and help boys. Sincerely yours, Louis A. Colantuono C -14650 Box A-E #6104 San Luis Obispo, CA 93409

Dear Sir, I an writing to you in hopes of getting an ad published in your publication. I an cur rently incarcerated in prison but aw soon to be released.

Dear Brothers,

Sincerely yours,

I just recently received ay first copy of RFD and was e x tremely iapressed with it, e s pecially by your extensive "Brothers Behind Bars" segaent . I've been writing and trying to help gay brothers and sisters in prison since the late 1960s. As an anarcho-revolutionary of the Emma Goldman-Edward Carpen ter type, I very much see the great wrongs and evils - the alienation now that stifels love - in our society, and I aa very auch against the e n tire institution of prisons and psychiatric hospitals.

JTiwey Ray Kitchens #987 89 Box 548 JHCC Lexington, OK 73051

I aa writing this letter actu ally because I'a very concerned about our brother, Eddie Col

I would like to correspond with gay aales like ayself who are lone sows for friendship and understanding. 28 yrs. 7-12-32 Cancer Brown hair - blue eyes 5*10'’ 165 lbs. Gay male seeking correspondence with sincere winded people for possible friendships and will be ready for action. Please send photo if available, will be returned upon request!

lins who of course is now in Central Prison, Raleigh NC and forced into a torrible posistion as his law suit against the prison authorities has b e come known to thea. His life is greatly in danger. We need to help him and all those e n gaged in the noble Itruggle of exposing the terrible condi tions gays are forced to face in prison - the terrible hu<*ilation and scorn they re ceive constantly. I would be glad to send a copy of the law suit that Eddie filed on May 16th to any who would desire i t . I know either Eddie Collins or his friend would greatly bo thankful to (receiving) letters of support and encouragement ats 835 W. Morgan St., Raleigh. NC 27603. I should add I'a also in con tact with gay inaates in KY and have been trying to help then. A final word on anothar subjnett I had a great deal of sympathy for Bill Callahan's article "Labels and Other Thoughts". X wonder if Bill would object though to the word "Uranian" instead of Gay/Faery/Homosexual. I guess I'm one of the few people in our day who have greatly used that ence widely used word "Uranian" (derived from Plato: Symposium - used by 19th cen tury "gay" liberationists ) to describe same-sex love and ay own affectional/erotic orien tation. I always felt Uranian was a fine, noble and roaantie word for "gays" and only through necissity have Z used the more common word(s). I hope "Uranian" aay again be a popular word for same-sex lov ers . My best regards and wishes to all of you. Keep up the good work. You are doing magnifi cent loving things by your ma gazine - especially the BBB part. (#26) Music section superb, but I missed mention of gay operas such as Smetana: "Dalibor", Britten's works, C o e ’s "Sud". In love and solidarity, Daniel Ledford 117-A Phillip St. Berea, KY 40403

b r o th e r s

behind

bars

Dear RFD Readers, A 20 year old white sale needs youl In this time and need I would really enjoy hearing from all of you. So if there are any of you out there in terested in cheering someone up, write please! Hope to hear from you real soon. A friend in need, Rocky waltman Box 1000-State But ner , NC 2 7 509

To whom it may concern: White male, 42 years old, 195 lbs, 6' tall and have blond hair and hazel eyes. Will be getting out sometime during the first part of next year. At the present time I am at AFCI, Avon Park, FL. I an looking for someone to correspond with and hope to build a lasting relationship with, so that when I do hit the street, I will have a place to go. Over the past 5 years of being locked up, I have a lot of love built up for someone that has a lot of love to give in return. I am looking for someone who is willing to correspond with me and share their love with me and have a place for me to go when X get out. Sincerely, Francis E. Sullivan Jr. #063128 PO Box 1100-1331 Avon Park, FL 33825

Dear Sirs; I am a gay male, age 21 and I am writing to you in hopes of having my name placed in your publication. I am in prison here in OK, but I have no family or real friends here. I am originally from Tracy, Calif. I would sincerely appreciate it if you could publish my ad. I only have until December be fore my release, and I would like very much to correspond with caring, sincere at heart people for future friendships. 21 years old, 7-12-60 Cancer Brown Hair and Eyes 5'10" 160 lbs. Would like to correspond with sincere and caring people. Age no barrier. Can relocate for right person in December 1981! Please send photo; will be returned upon requestl Respectfully yours, Tracy D. Harvey #98590 Box 54 8 JHCC Lexington, OK 73051

I §

TOO

Dear RFDers, Today a beautiful brother in side this prison at the Angola LA State Prison lays dead. I've questioned myself over and over why is this; was it because he was black, violent, gay, etc? He's dead because from the outside looking in no one really cared. Never can simple words on paper tell the lonliness, doubt and bit terness and frustration that are the constant companion ship of a prisoner! I can't tell them but I can try, cause I want the people on the outside to know that if I seem hostile, defensive, stubborn, it's because every facet of my world is a threat. I cannot show kindness, cause in my world kindness is weak ness and to be weak in prison is to invite more hurt.

I cannot demonstrate my lone liness or hunger, cause they are aches I cannot reach. I don't need pity but understand ing . Rehabilitation through a pri son system to me is a sick jokel They imprison people and hope to reform them. They dis cipline them rigidly yet hope to teach them self reliance. They regiment them and deper sonalize them with hope of ma king them respected individuals. What a contradiction! The pri soner is now all confused; he cannot cope with his environ ment in which he has to live. So the Behaviorist comes into the picture when the prisoner becomes violent. They give him electric treatment; brain damage including permaaent memory loss results from elec tric-therapy. He's now legal ly labeled "mentally ill". They give: Tofranil-elavil to those labeled "depressed". They give: Valium-librium etc. to those labeled "anxious". They give: Ritalin to those they label "hyperactive". They give: Male hormones to those they label "homosexual". So no matter what one decides to put in his mouth or have it put in his mouth for him, the external reality of basic constitutional freedom of one's mind and body will continue to be (abused) if we do net act against this enemy. Born in the labratories they will tern us all into zombies. Today a beautiful brother lays dead. I wonder why; do you? Behind these prison walls it's a living hell in ways far b e yond any book or movie ever set to the scene! Again, I plead for your concern iq this matter. Gays are dying but it goes beyond the gay point, People the sane as you and I are dying behind these prison walls and no one really gives a fuck. It's hard for me to believe that I have a lot of fairie brothers out there who care. In gay love, Donnie Lee Bronze FMB #87650 CBA - UR 5 Angola, LA 70712

b r o th e r s

bcnincT b a r s

Dear RFD Friends, Greeting in the naae of friend ship end brotherly love, I aa e 32 year old white Bale that is currently serving tine in prison and in desperate need of a true friend. I need that special soseone that I can share ey thoughts and feelings with, and possible as we becoae better aquainted with each other, Z can love that person with all ay heart. I have been in prison for 18 aonths now, and the despair and the loneliness that Z have experienced, soaetiaes seeas to overwhale ay entire sool and body. X need relief froa these very unpleasant feelings and it is ay hope that there is soseone out there that wants to beeowe friends and possibly future partners in life. X aa in prison serving tiae on a burglary charge. And it does stake ae feel better in knowing that X alaost have this tiate over with, X go before the Parole Board in December of this year, and if not paroled, will (be) dis charge (d) next August. Z was born in Nashville, IN but was raised up on a West TX far a and ranch. X love all aniaals, especially a good horse. X love aniaals so such that X have never been hunting in ay entire life. And being raised in a part of Texas where trees are aesquite bushes, X have cows to love the forests and the aountains. And the snows of winter and the breezes of suawer are ay favorite tiaes of the year. My favorite likes are, horse back riding, writing letters, CIcW ausic, (soae rock and roll), cooking, reading, trav eling and golf. My dislikes are, loud people, know-it-all people, and disrespectful pe r sons. X aa a hoae or stay at

hoae person. X like to play cards with the person that I love, X would rather stay at hoae and play cards and drink Pepsi than go out and have a night on the town. I aa neat and clean, and being a Virgo aa very particular in the way that X perfora ay duties in life. I aa 5'9° tall and weigh 155 lbs. X have brown hair and brown eyes. My education con sists of graduating froa high school and two seaesters of college. Due to space in this letter, X cannot write as auch as X would like. Also in this letter X aw a little awkward but if you feel that you would want to write, I aa sure that I can do auch better in a personal let ter to you. X can be very lovi»9, and if it is loving and caring that you are searching for, X an also searching t o t the sane things end aa sure we can aake each other feel better in nany ways. So pick up that pen and write. I will be waiting for your aost welcome letter. George w. Marshall J.H.C ,C. Box 548-92244 Lexington, OK 73051 PSi Will send picture to sincere persons.

RFD, I aa soon to be free; would like to get to know a few people out there. X an 22, w/M, 5*10", 130 lbs, brown eyes and hair. I have been in a while and want to know soaeone as a friendship or possi ble relationship.

RFD, GWM, 29, 5'10” , 165 lbs, brown hair and eyes. Will be released in a few aonths and seek new friends so X can aake a fresh start. Will answer all. Richard Branford V.B.C.C. PO Box 6098 Virginia Beach, VA 23456

Dear R F D , My naae is Doug and X aa a GWM, 25 years old, 5'10”, 150 lbs with long blond hair, blue green eyes and good looking. I aa doing 5 years in OK for possesion. X aa expecting to be out by next suaaer (82). X would like to aeet soae people thru the aail end hope fuly get to know thea "much better” when X aa released. X would love a long and beau tiful relationship with soaeone special. X enjoy life in general. Soae of ay interests aret Music, guitar, piano, tennis, skiing, aountains, nature, organic gardening, backgaaon, nude swiaalng, Ba king love, enjoying herbs (the green leafy type especialy), jogging, horses, baths, quiet dinners, camping, nesting new people, talking, listening, the ocean, etc. X love and get off to a great nuaber of things. The little family I had left disowned ae due to ay sexual preference, so X aa very auch alone in the world. X would appreciate any and all help, now and when X aa re leased. Anyone who feels like writing, please do so because X'a very anxious to hear froa you. Send a picture or what ever, if you like. And if re quested, X will also send one of ayself. Xt does get lonely down here so all responses will be greatly appreciated. I t anyone has any ideas for ae when I aa released it would also be helpful. Sincerely,

Lonely, Danny J. Sargent PO BF 113931 - H3, B Unit Reidsville, GA 30499

Doug Johnson #98420 McLeod Correctional Center RR #1 Farris, OK 74 542

brcrtbCVS behind

ba ps

Dear Sis, I have been in prison for just over 5 years for a crioe I didn't do; Z aa innocent yet Z am here. The reason Z ae in prison is because Z can't afford to hire a lawyer and believe no Z've tried. 1 was given 25 to 30 years in prison for second degree rape. When Z write to someone and they ask why Z ae in prison, Z tell them the truth, and because 1 tell thee and also tell thee that I'm innocent (not guilty) they don't hear the innocent part-only the crime and then they stop writing to ae. Z don't feel this is right, but it's their choice or their parents. Z have done all that Z know to do to get out of prison, but a lawyer cost money and Z don't have the money to pay for a lawyer. My family doesn't have the money to help either. Z talked to one lawyer by phone here in Goldsboro and he of fered to come see ae for a reasonable fee, but Z could not even get it. Z aa inno cent and Z believe that 5 years is long enough to be in prison for a crime that never happened and one Z surly did not do. Maybe Sir, if you print this letter, there aay be someone who cares enough to write ae or aaybe find a way to help ae get a lawyer. Z don't know how the public will respond, but Z aa inno cent . Thank you for your help. Sincerely, Nathaniel Williams PO Box 1657 Goldsboro, NC 27530

Lonely (family rejected) gay prisoner, 28 years old, wishes to hear from caring RFD readers ....Will you write?

Lonely Prisoner, seeks friends and.meaningful correspondence. Wili answer all letters with the utmost respect. Age 24, 5'H", 165 lbs., black hair, brown eyes and wishing highly for someone to bring some sunshine into what has been a dark world for me. Ricardo A. Ribas 151-020 P.O.Box 45699 Lucasville, OH 45699

Personal datai black male, 26 yrs old, 5'H", 167 lbs., slim, medium brown complexion, handsome, Scorpio. Have Associates Degree in Social Psychology, working on Bachelor's - Likes to read. Likes all types of music 1 enjoys swimming, playing pool, traveling.

Write to 1 Dear RFD'ers, I'm 22, blonde, blue eyes, 5'11", 180 lbs. and behind bars. Am a gay country boy who needs someone. Please write

Joe Sterling P.O.Box E 152844 Jackson, Michigan 49204

Ricky Adkisson # C73235 Box 87 Menard, Illinois 62259 R.F.D.,

Several days before the Spring Equinox I turn thirty, ever since I was ten I've wanted to turn thirty. Thirty to me, has always been the age when final maturing of all powers sets in. Thirty was supposed to make me thin, confident, unafraid, accompanied, fully creative, happy. It was supposed to make me different. I have the feeling it isn't going to. You see, I'm a prisoner without anything to look forward to upon my re lease in three years. I'm without family and have not had any contact with the out side visits and so forth. Would someone out there be willing to establish a sincere and meaningful rela tionship? I will answer all letters, please no plastics... need someone who's sincere. Sincerely,

P.O.Box E Jackson, Michigan 49204

I would appreciate correspond ence of a social or informa tive nature.

Will be released in September 1982. Will answer all letters, race unimportant; preference for slender, intelligent and very feminine gays. Pictures desired, not required.

Jesse Whiting #163763

To whom it may concern 1

James Moodie 140-487 P.O.Box 45699 Lucasville, Ohio 45699

I'm presently incarcerated here in Joliet, Illinois, at Stateville Penitentiary. I've had quite a few relation ships with gay men since I've been here, and I'm interested in corresponding with anyone who's gay that I can relate to. Sincerely yours, Mr. Tyrone Lewis - 83635 Box 112 Joliet, Illinois 60434

Dear R.F.D., My name is George H. Douglas 106022 and I am a prisoner at the Southern Prison, located at Jackson, Michigan. I am very much interested in corresponding with your readers even though I am not gay, I am what you call a straight. It would please me to have an expression from you. Respectfully, George H. Douglas 106022 4000 Cooper St. Jackson, Michigan 49204

lo My Family Inside

b r o th e r s

OS?.

I would like to say I love and care for you all. My car door is always open, to any one of you as for you all to ride in.

behind

bars

I want all my RFD Brothers and Sisters know that I have a very happy family when the door is open or when there i s my car. Smile Brothers and Sisters I have a beautiful family that I wouldn't trade for anything because I am happy with them. I do mean this from my inner soul and heart Peace and Love Forever Teri Marsh #41220, 2605 State St., Salem, OR 97310

THEY DO NOT APPROVE -by James Broughton Th«y They They They they They

do do do do do do

They do persons persons persons persons They do

not not not not not not

appr ove approve approve approve approve approve

of of of of of

persons making love in public persons making love in private persons making love per sons love

Dear Good People : irf.M.. Good man down, need letters from, good people, to keep me on even keel. All letters answered.

R. soott #624655 approve of ROB. 900, Shelton, HA 98584 being locked up being locked up tight being locked up for good being locked up for their own good approve of locking up the pleasures of persons

They are the denyers They are the dividers They set the joy of life into jeopardy How can we cure them of their fear of love? Smother their misery under kisses? Choke them with compassionate hugs? Drown them in waves of unblocking bliss? They do not even approve of being approved Dear Sirs/Ms, r am requesting that you print this letter in order that I can receive feedback from individ uals interested and willing to help prisoners with a prison publication. Dear Brothers, I am in the process of attempting to establish a "Newsletter" that will be dealing with the present.prison conditions, the problems of pris oners, ways to curb recidivism, community-toprisoner relationship, and where the tax dollar is used in prisons.

I am writing in regards to your publication which we heard about thru B.W.M.T. who have given us tremendous support in organizing a Gay Awareness group. We are attempting to es tablish some kind of library with material for members of our group to read. We just exper ienced a series of riots here, wherein 100 inmates were gang raped, and we are presently in a locked down situation right'now. We also have begun to generate some funds to buy pub lications relevant to gay, incarcerated resi dents. So, we'd like to be put on your mailing 1 1 st to receive your publication and we will send you some money for it after we return to some kind of normal routine...after they decide to let us out of our cells,

We want this publication to serve the communi ties, with them asking questions, and having the prisoners answering their questions in this newsletter. We want the public and the commun ities to know that they play a part in helping prisoners rehabilitate themselves with the pro grams and methods that prison officials use. We hope thru this publication that we can once again get the public and communities taking a t;'.v© ~eles in prison affairs. In order for us to survive, to put forth this "Newsletter", we need help with comments, ideas, and short stories.

We realize that we are incarcerated, but beleave that we have some rights to our own bodies. We remain in struggle to overcome this type of prejudice against us.

Thank you, I am

Peace, Joy & Love,

Michael Lee Wood # 152-54} P.O.Box 45699 Lucasville, Ohio 45699

Henry Motley # 128606 P.O.Box E Jackson, MI 49204 24

Alcoholism In Our Community

/ H / t o ' f n e fiFD coi^^iu,-rutu :

AT A TIME

WHEN WE NEED TO GATHER OUR INDIVIDUAL AND COLLECTIVE

STRENGTH, ALCOHOLISM STAJOS IN OUR WAY.

ALCOHOLISM IS EVERYWHERE.

IT’S AS MUCH A PART OF OUR GATHERINGS AS IT IS A PART OF LOCAL CITY BARS.

UNFORTUNATELY, IT’S GOT A GRIP ON AN ESTIMATED 30 - 40* OF OUR

POPULATION.

IN THIS FEATURE YOU’LL BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND W A T ALCOHOLISM IS AND DOBS ITS PROGRESSIVE DENIAL, AND HOW LOVERS AND FRIENDS OFTEN FUEL THE ALCOHOLICS DRINKING.

UNFORTUNATELY ALSO, OUT OF EVERY 35

ALCOHOLICS, ONLY 1 RECOVERS,

THE REST LOSE. THEY LOSE THEIR FREEDOM, THEIR HOMES, LOVERS, MINDS AND LIFE. THEY NEVER REALIZE THEY HAVE A DISEASE, OR THEY NEVER SEEK TIE NECESSARY HELP.

AMONG THOSE OF US WHO DO SEEK HELP AMD STICK

WITH IT, THE RATE OF RECOVERY IS HIGH AND HOPEFUL.

WE W O HAVE GATHERED TO WRITE THIS FEATURE ARB ALL RECOVERING ADOICTALCOHOLICS WHO HAVE FOUND A SOLUTION TO OUR DRINK PROBLEM.

WE PASS

ALONG WHAT WE KNOW AND WHAT WE HAVE FOUND TO BE TRUE .

IN THIS FEATURE YOU WILL FIND: ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS ABOUT THE DISEASE, A CHART SHOWING THE PROGRESSION OF ALCOHOLISM, A ’TEST". ..ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC? A LETTER TO LOVERS OF ALCOHOLICS, SOURCES FOR HELP, AND WE INCLUDE OUR OWN STORIES, SHOWING OUR PROGRESS WITH LOVE, A NEW ENGLAND COLLECTIVE OF SOBER AND GAY HEN JWD WOMEN

ALCOHOLISM IS AN ILLNESS, NOT A SIN

Traditional social attitudes put a stigina on alco holism, us on homosexuality. "Habitual drunkards,” like "perverts,” are removed from society in jails or institutions. Churches have led the fight against "demon rum” with the same fervor that they have attacked "unnatural” sexual behavior. Psychiatrists have tried for many years to establish "latent" homosexuality as the cause of alcoholism, presumably believing that "curing" the one would "cure" the other. The so-called "cures" involve will ful abstinence for addictive drinking and celibacy for homosexual drives. Aversion therapy, with electrical shocks or nauseous chemicals administered at the sight of a drink or a nude body of the same sex, are thrown in for good measure. It is sickening to note that brain butchery, surgery originally developed to remove homosexual instincts by removing part of the brain, is now promoted by its originator as a "revo lutionary cure" for alcoholism. What sad irony it is that gay people get sucked into furthering the social stigma surrounding alco holism. Yet that is what happens when we refuse to admit that a lover or someone we care about can no longer control their drinking, or when we expect an alcoholic to exercise "willpower” and quit. That is what happens when the gay alcoholic imagines that to admit alcoholism makes him or her more of a social outcast or adds to an already overwhelming religious guilt And that is what happens when gay community leaders choose to deny the medical evi dence that alcoholism is a serious problem among gay people for fear of giving the community a "bad

“G a y s w ho b u ild th ese ego d e fen ses to p r o te c t th eir sex u a l o rien ta tio n in a h o stile s o c ie ty m a y u n k n o w in g ly let th e sa m e p s y c h ic reflexes block a w a ren ess o f a g ro w in g d e p e n d e n c y on a lco h o l ” name " It is tragic that gays will die as a conse quence of the social stigma of alcoholism in the midst of gay liberation. Alcoholism is an illness, not a sin. not moral degen eration, not intellectual weakness. It is not a loss of masculinity when someone accepts that he has an illness, an allergy if you will, that takes him out of the competition to drink like the other guy. It is not a loss of femininity when someone admits that she has an illness ( hat makes it impossible for her to drink like a lady, however that's supposed to be done. It is not a loss of one's whole social world to give up drink ing for the sake of good health. We know perfectly well that all gay men are not hairdressers or interior decorators, so we shouldn't fall into the social stupidity that likewise reserves certain lifestyle? as appropriate for alcoholics. There are plenty of alco holic ministers, priests, scientists, philosophers, physicians, psychiatrists, and teachers We need to let go of the fears of losing status in society, fears instilled by cultural attitudes, that keep alcoholdependent persons and those who love them from seeking help. 'Hie American Medical Association, the U.S. Public Health Service, and virtually ail other major medical organizations classify alcoholism as a disease. In the AM A s words, it is "an illness charac terized by preoccupation with alcohol and loss of con trol over its consumption" that impair. a person's emotional, occupational, and social functioning. As with many illnesses, the cause is unknown, but the symptoms are well defined. Alcoholism is irrevers ible, progressive, and fatal. It is irreversible in that once you have contracted alcoholism it cannot be cured. It can be treated, and many alcoholics have rrtprned to normal functioning in their choaen life style, but the only known treatment is total absti nence. As Samuel Johnson said. "Abstinence is as easy to me as temperance would be difficult." For the alcoholic there is no return, no "tapering o f f or "cutting back." Those options are open only to the heavy social drinker who is still in control. You can't tell the alcoholic that he or she is drinking too much and expect them to moderate. They probably sense that something is wrong, but they have no control over their compulsion to drink and gat drunk. 26

by Thca&s Ziebold, Ph.D.

Alcoholism is a progessive illness. As long as the alcoholic continues to drink, he or she will suffer increasingly acute physical and behavioral symptoms. (They may, as too often.happens, mask the pain with other mood-changing drugs, especially tranquilizers like Valium that are so readily avail able. But this is only substituting one addiction for another.) The alcoholic's tolerance for the drug will increase, up to a point, requiring larger and larger doses to reach the desired "high. ” They will begin to g * drunk every time they drink. Withdrawal after heavy drinking will become more painful; worse hangovers with greeter anxiety, internal or extwnal shakes, evmtually progressing to hallucinations or convulsive seizures. Blackouts, periods of alcoholic amnesia, will become more frequent, and this condition is one of the sure signs of alcoholism. A blackout is not the same as being grossly drunk Alcohol is a sedative drug, and anyone will pass out if they consume enough in a short period of time. The blackout is a more complex condition of temporary amnesia, and the person in a blackout may appear to others to be quite normal. Airline pilots have flown across the country in alcoholic blackouts, surgeons have performed operations, many people have driven cars without the slightest recollection of their actions. Anyone experiencing blackouts should be advised that they are most likely suffering from the diseass of alcoholism. If drinking oontinues, the alcoholic will either suffer massive brain damage, so called "wet brains," or die from one or a combination of alcohol-induced organic failures: alcoholic hepatitis (much more

“A lco h o lism is an eq u a l o p p o r tu n ity illn ess. ” serious than viral hepatitis), liver cirrhosis, diseased heart muscle, intestinal damage, pancreatitis, gastritis, neuritis-take your pick. Of course there are many other ways to die from alcoholism: most trsffic dost ha, violent crimee, serious accidents, and suicides are alcohol-related. According to the NIAAA, 195,000 Americans died prematurely from alcohol-related causes in 1975, and this figure is grossly understated since most physicians refuse to list alcoholism as a primary diagnosis. (Doctors and nurses have far higher rates of drug addiction, in cluding alcoholism, than all other groups of profes sionals, according to a recent report.) Neil Sedaka perfectly describes the alcoholic in his song "Solitaire": a lonely person, caught in a never ending one-handed game of life while the world goes on, finding that "every road he takes, take-: him down : alienated, isolated, feeling inadequate, worthless and doomed, all the while denying that drinking is the problem; constantly threatened by the possible loss of her or his drug-of-compulsk>n, blaming lover, employer, family, or friends for all the troubles until they, too, become caught up and iso lated with the alcoholic. These are the emotional symptoms of the illness, and they are as well defined and as inevitable as the physical symptoms..

Alcoholics cannot control drinking. ALCOHOLIC IS MY NAME,

STOP THE WHIRL,

DENIAL IS MY GAME

I WANT TO GET OFF

Why? The answer is simple: alcoholism induces psych ological denial that drinking is a problem. Alcoholics and those around them unknowingly build thought patterns that make compulsive drinking behavior acceptable to themselves, in spite of all behavioral evidence and intellectual appeals to the contrary. Since they deny to themselves any problem with drinking, they will deny it to everyone else. You can detect the denials, rationalizations, and projections in the typical morning after excuses of the budding alcoholic: "But I only had a couple of beers!" "Why did they have to serve dinner so late?" "Everyone else was getting drunk!" "1 just had to stay 'til the bar closed!" “My boss is such a bastard!” Getting drunk is always someone else's fault—the alcoholic automatically denies responsi bility for his or her behavior.

f> Z * X U 4 tjL * c t t f . & JL

There is a way out Hundreds of thousands of "hopeless alcoholic# have managed to arreet the active phase of their affliction and return to a com fortabie life with themselvee and their society. Homosexual alcoholics who successfully confront their illness find firm acceptance of their sexual orientation Their social freedoms expand, and "gay pride takes on a deeply personal meaning Every re covered homosexual alcoholic is a proud new gay person, in time, porhape, even grateful to be gay as he or she recognizes the special gift we have each been given to live and grow as unique persons.

nicoholism

Symptoms of progression There seems to he a specific pattern of progression in the disease of alcoholism regardless of sexual orientation. The symptoms are clear cut, yet any one person may not exhibit all of them. However, the end result is the same if the disease is not checked. First Stage: Drinking to calm nerves . . . Increased tolerance to alcohol . . . Drinking before a drinking function . . . Desire to continue drinking when others stop . . . Discomfort in non-drinking situations . . Occasional memory lapses after heavy drinking . . . Preoccupation with alcohol . . . Secret irritation when others talk about vour drinkir

Second stage: Lying about drinking . . . Drinking for relief . . . Hiding liquor . Sneaking drinks . Making excuses for drinking behavior . . Feelings of guilt about drinking behavior . . . Increased blackouts Inability to discuss problems . . . 1remors and morn ing shakes . Resolutions to change . . . Loss of other interests . . . Grandiose and aggressive behavior . Failure of resolutions to change . . Attempts at•t controlled drinking which fail . . . Financial and employment worries . . Avoidance of friends and family . . . I>rinking alone and secretly.

What about relapses? Since alcoholism is a disease, it must be expected that some recover ing alcoholics will experience relapses. Those who develop a definite program of recovery, and follow it carefully are best prepared to avoid these setbacks. The more actively involved, in their own recovery, alcoholics are, the better are the chances for uninterrupted sobriety. If one "slips" there is a supportive program to which the recoverer can return. If one has resumed patterns of isolation and indifference, a second recovery will be fnore difficult. Close involvement with other recover ing alcoholics is a major factor in avoiding slips, and in recovering from them.

Third and final stagr: Social and family relationships deteriorate Unreasonable resentments . . . Physical deterioration . . . Attempts at abstinence fail Moral deterioration . . . Urgent need tor morning drink . . . Loss of will power . Drunken spells of more than one day . Persistent remorse Impaired thinking . . . Decrease in tolerance to alcohol . . . Drinking with inferiors . . . Hospitalization . . Binge drinking . . . Unable to work . Total obsession with alcohol . . . Squirrel cage drinking . . . Continued deterioration. Eventual death or insan its. What constitutes recovery? Recovery, for alcoholics, should be nothing short of a return to normal living . .. not “normal" as they have come to accept it while drinking . . . but normal as they will begin to perceive it when sober. Recovering alcoholics begin to enjoy an improvement in health. They return to productive work. In time, their relationships with their families will improve. They will develop new and more meaningful friendships. A new set of moral values will begin to develop. They begin to understand and appreciate their feelings and emotions. Self steeni is re-awakened. Ideals return. Peace of mind and content ment become possible. This ts not an overnight process, but then the slide downhill did not happen overnight either. Recovery, like the disease, is progressive. 29

£ u \ d

O A ^ s u J fA i

What is Alcoholics Anonymous? ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS® IS A FELLOWSHIP

of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. • The only requirement for membership is a de sire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for A.A. membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. • A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any causes. • Our primary purpose is to slay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.

What happens at an A.A. meeting’’ An A.A. meeting may take one of several forms, but at any meeting you will find alcoholics talking about what drinking did to their lives and per sonalities. what actions they took to help them selves. and how they are living their lives today. If I go to an A.A. meeting, does that commit me to anything? No. A.A. does not keep membership files, or atten dance records. You do not have to reveal anything about yourself. No one wdl bother you if you don't want to come back. How can this help me with my drinking problem? We in A.A. know what it is like to be addicted to alcohol, and to be unable to keep promises made to others and ourselves that we will stop drinking. We are not professional therapists. Our only quali fication for helping others to recover from alcohol ism is that we have stopped drinking ourselves, but problem drinkers coming to us know that recovery is possible because they see people who have done it.

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How much does A.A. membership cost? There are no dues or fees for A.A. membership. An A.A. group will usually have a collection dur ing the meeting to cover expenses, such as rent, coffee, etc- and to this all members are free to contribute as much or as little as they wish. What advice do you give new members? In our experience, the people who recover in A.A are those who: (a) stay away from the first drink; (b) attend A.A. meetings regularly; (c) seek out the people in A.A. who have success fully stayed sober for some time; (d) try to put into practice the A.A. program of recovery. Is A.A. a religious organization? No. Nor is it allied with any religious organization. There’s a lot of talk about God, though, isn’t there? The majority of A A members believe that we have found the solution to our drinking problem not through individual willpower, but through a power greater than ourselves However, everyone defines this pow er as he or she wishes Many people call it God, others think it is the A.A group, still others refuse to believe in it at all. There is room in A.A. for people of all shades of belief and nonbelief. How can I contact A.A.? Look for Alcoholics Anonymous in your local tele phone directory. These telephones are answered by A.A volunteers Hdw do I join A.A.? You are an A A. member if and when you say so. The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking, and many of us were not very wholehearted about that when we first ap proached A.A.

T h e gay d r in k in g p ro b le m . . . there is . a solution

R o u g h ly o n e In th r e e g a y p e o p le abuses alco h o l a n d is e it h e r alco h o lic o r sp e e d in g to w a r d t h a t d e s tin a tio n .

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Most of us in A.A. made all kinds of promises to ourselves and to our families. We could not keep them. Then we came to A.A. A.A. said: "Just try not to drink today.” (If you do not drink today, you cannot get drunk today.)

0 Have you had problem s connected with drinking during the p art year?

Be honest! Doctors say that if you have a problem with alcohol and keep on drink ing, it wrll get worse — never better. Eventually, you will die, or end up in an institution for the rest of your life. The only hope is to stop drinking.

Have you over >w itched from one kind ol drink to another in the hope that thU would keep you from getting drunkT

We tried all kinds of ways. We made our drinks weak Or just drank beer. Or we did not drink cocktails. Or only drank on weekends You name it, we tried it. But if we drank anything with alcohol in it we usual1)- got drunk eventually. 4

Have you had a drink in the m orning during the p art year?

Do you need a drink to get started, or to stop shaking? This is a pretty sure sign that you are not drinking socially."

At one time or another, most of us have wondered why we were not like most people, who really can take it or leave it

Da you w lih people w ould mind Ihelr own b u tln e is about your drinking— tlop lolling you w hat lo do?

In A.A. we do not tell anyone to do any thing. We just talk about our own drink ing, the trouble we got into, and how we stopped. We will be glad to help you, if you want us to. 2

Do you envy people who can drink w ithou' getting into trouble?

Have you avur decided lo flop drinking ior a w eek or -eo. but only lartvd lor a couple ol d a y if

Has your drinking can ted trouble at home?

Before we came into A.A , most of us said that it was the people or problems at home that made us drink. We could not sec that our drinking just made everything worse. It never solved problems anywhere Do you ever try to get "ex tra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough?

Most of us used to have a few'' before we started out if we thought it was going to be "that" kind of party. And if drinks were not served fast enough, we would go some place else to vet more. 0

Have you m in e d days of work because of drinking?

Many of us admit now that we called in sick" lots of times when the truth was that we were bung-over or on a drunk 29

Bo you tell yeuroell you can etep drinking any time you w ant lo. even though you keep getting drunk w hen you don't m ean to?

Many of us kidded ourselves into thinking that we drank because we wanted to After we came into A A., we found out that once we started to drink, we couldn't stop Do you have "blackouts"?

A blackout is when there arc drinking hours or days we cannot remember When we came into A.A., we found out that this is a pretty sure sign of alcoholic drinking

■ i l Have you ever left that your life would be better if you did not drink?

Many of us started to drink because drink ing made life seem better, at least for a while By the time we got into A A . wr felt trapped We were drinking to live and living to drink We were sick and tired of being sick and tired ir/i. a *

w hat s yo u r scorero

Did you answer YES four or more times? If so, you are probably in trouble with alcohol Why do we say this? Bicause thousands of people in A A have said so for many years They found out the truth about themselves—the hard way. But again, only you can decide whether you think A A is for you Try to keep an open mind on the subject If the answer is YES, we will be glad to show you how we stopped drinking ourselves just call.

Alcoholics Anonymous

Sobriety and sex

Alcoholics Anonymous is the oldest and most effective self-help program of recovery from alcoholism and has more than one million sober members worldwide. There are no dues or fees for membership. AA is a fellowship devoted entirely to the sobriety of those who wish to get sober. It does not pursue new members, but responds immedi ately to those who request help. Local groups of Alcoholics Anony mous meet in nearly every city and town in the United States. They can be located by consulting the telephone book . . . under AA or Alcoholics Anonymous. If there is no listing, information can be obtained from: Alcoholics Anonymous Genera] Services Headquar ters. P.O. Box 459, Grand Central Station. New York, N.Y. 10017. Alcoholics Together Many larger cities now have meetings of Alcoholics Together (AT), or Gay Alcoholics Anonymous (GAA). These groups were formed by homosexual members of AA. to serve as a doorway to the AA program for homosexual alcoholics. The AT and GAA meetings and program are the same as those of AA except that they provide an exclusively gay setting in which the newcomer is sure of acceptance and easy identification. If there is no telephone listing in your locality, information can be obtained by writing: A T. Center, 35% Beverly Blvd.. Los Angeles, Ca. 90004. Al-Anon The Al-Anon Family Groups are an outgrowth of Alcoholics Anony mous, and provide a program of hope for the families, loved ones and friends of alcoholics. Many cities now have Gay Al-Anon meetings. If you love an alcoholic and want to be of help, look up Al-Non in the telephone book or write: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters. Inc., 125 East 23rd St., New York, N.Y. 10016. Gay community service* centers In many communities, gay service centers have opened their doors. Some of these are licensed social welfare agencies, staffed by profes sionals and volunteers: others are purely grass roots organizations, gays helping gays. Frequently, a check of your local telephone book will reveal many listings under “Gay." Whether the agency listed is licensed or not, it will be able to provide referrals to aid you in dealing with your problem.

The word ’Homosexual' describes a life style as well as a sexual preference. Some components of this life-style pattern can be danger ous for the recovering alcoholic. Indeed, some components are not too healthy for anyone. For some recovering alcoholics, the first days of sobriety are marked by a diminished sex drive. This passes quickly and is replaced by the problem of sober sex. For many, years have passed since they last attempted sex without the psychological fortification of alcohol. For some, sex without alcohol will present little problem; others will have to work at having sex sober. The rewards are well worth it. Among the rewards are . . waking up with someone you love and care for . . . remembering what happened . . . and actually having experienced the event. No one can establish hard and fast rules which apply to everyone. However, staying sober seems to be largely a matter of staying comfortable with one's self. A good rule would seem to be, “If you can’t do it comfortably, don't do it." Another way of saying the same thing might be, “If anything . . . a relationship, a person, a place . . . threatens your sobriety, stay away from it." No one lives inside the head or the heart of another. No one else really knows what is best for you. One can only hope that all recovering alcoholics will grow into their own vision of what is best for them, and that this vision will continue to expand. la aobriety really worth It? Many cynics in the world sav that it is more sensible to go through life anesthetized against any and all feelings, than to try to deal with reality. It is senseless to argue with them. They would not listen because reality can be painful. Dealing with it can be a struggle. Often the recovering alcoholics will find it necessary to remind themselves that the price of escaping reality with alcohol could be their life or sanity . . . certainly their well being. The prospect of having to endure another recovery should be enough to dispel these thoughts of escape. If the cold fact of sobriety itself was all that recovery from alcoholism offered, few would remain sober long. The real prize is the opportunity to live. Many recovered alcoholics consider sobriety to be a rebirth: Others see it as a reprieve from a living death. Few gave up drinking without a struggle; most will go to any lengths to retain the gift of sobriety. How do you get sober? The obvious answer is stop drinking, but how? That’s been the problem all along hasn’t it? Most alcoholics have stopped drinking every morning for years. What it really boils down to is. "How do I stop and stay stopped?" The first step in recovery must be recognition of the problem and acceptance of one’s inability to do anything about it alone. Alone hasn’t worked up to now and isn't likely to work now. Once the decision to seek help has been made, it is amazing how much help becomes available. There is as much assistance waiting as anyone can use. and it does not depend on financial condition, race, or sexual preference. Don’t wait • - reach out for it now. Detoxification The drug, ethyl alcohol, can become a poison in the system of the alcoholic. Often after an extended bout of drinking or if the alco holic’s physical condition is depleted, hospitalization is required. Withdrawal from alcohol can be accompanied by dangerous symptoms. Ail public, or general hospitals, have detoxification or detox' units for this purpose. They are there to provide medical services to the residents of the community who support them. Such services are usually provided on pay "if and when you can” basis and are rarely luxurious facilities, but that does not matter if a life is at stake. Many group health insurance plans now cover hospitalization tor alcoholism. Frequently the hospital social-service worker can arrange coverage under a variety of public laws for those otherwise not covered.

Metropolitan Community Churches Founded in October. 1968. the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) has the broadest coverage of any gay organization in the country. Serving over 20.000 members worldwide from 94 churches. MCC provides many social services, as well as ministering to its members’ spiritual needs. One need only be gay, not religious, to take advantage of its resources. If there is an MCC in your community, it will be listed in the telephone directory. The Reverend Troy Perry, founder of the MCC Church, was instrumental in beginning the first group of Alcoholics Together. He obviously has strong feelings on homosexuality and alcoholism. “It is my feeling." Reverend Perry said recently, “that alcoholism is a special problem within the gay community. I believe gay alcohol ics feel that they have been dealt a double injustice by the powers that be. In the past decades, if you were homosexual, you were automati cally the outcast, and because of the many myths that surrounded homosexuality, you were made to feel rejected and very much alone. On top of that, if you were an alcoholic, why try to seek help if the response was to be continued treatment as an outcast. "I am thankful that our church group was instrumental in found ing the first Alcoholics Together group in America. We encourage the existence of Alcoholics Together as well as gay Alcoholics Anony mous groups. We now teach women and men that being gay is no reason for continuing to not seek help in the area of alcoholism. 1 personally can point with pride to hundreds of alcoholics who are gay but through AT and AA. now live normal, healthy, and productive lives, and have gained their sobriety."

"It is not true that an alcoholic cannot be helped until hew wants help. It is true that there is almost no chance that the alcoholic will stop drinking as long as other people re move all painful consequences for him," writes Joseph Kellerman in a booklet called Alcoholism t A Merry-Go-Round Named Denial (Available from Al-Anon Groups.) As he points out, lovers, family, employers, counselors, and therapists may all have to learn new roles. Breaking into the downward spiral of emotions and behavior re quires tough and often painful action by those who are concerned about an alcoholic. This nay be partieularly difficult for gay lovers who must hold together a partnership without socie ty’s supports and conventional restraints.

Denial eventually traps the alcoholic's lover, or others who nay be emotionally involved, into playing the same game. As alcoholics' be havior becomes more and more bizarre, they in creasingly project the responsibility onto others. Under a constant onslaught of blame, the lover eventually reacts as the alcoholic does, building psychic defenses against the pro jected guilt and anxiety and the lover's own fears of social rejection.

On* In three suicides is an alcoholic. The term "co-alcoholic".applies to an emotional partner who exhibits the same psychic illness as the alcoholic, namely, rigid ego defenses of denial, rationalization, and projection accom panied by a declining self-worth. Co-alcoholics who do not drink excessively delude themselves into thinking that they are well, but the frequently become just as incapable of rational mature behavior as the alcoholic. There is an inevitable downward spiral of emotional reaction in the interpersonal relationships centered around an alcoholic.

Isthere in your life?

Denial of a drinking problem is a persistent symptom of addictive behavior. So it is use less to tell alcoholics that they drink too much. Such accusations will only be net with cunning excuses. Don't bother to pour their booze down the drain, they'll only buy more. Above all, try not to get angry, feel remorse ful and guilty, or let the alcoholic's beha vior undermine your own self-esteem. On the other hand, do everything you can to con front the irresponsibility of their actions. Point out the financial burden of excessive drinking, poot job performance, possible job loss, strained interpersonal relationships, progressive social isolation, deteriorating physical appearance, and waning desirability as a sex partner or as a friend. Don't rescue them from emotional crises. Alcoholics will begin recovery from drinking only when the re ality of their behavior is brought home to them.

analcoholic

Alcoholism must be seen as an illness involving not just the drinker but the alcoholic's lover, couselor (physician, minister, therapist), family, employer, and friends. Out of a compassionte desire to "help", these persons begin to assume responsibility for the alcoholic's living obligations and thereby prolong the active please of the illness. When a lover calls in "sick" for the alcoholic or pays his/her bills, when friends get a drunk out of ''hassles" with the law, when counselors patch up the emo tional bruises, when an employer overlooks lost time or shoddy work, when anyone offers sym pathy or laughs off the drunken antics of an al coholic, all of these people are only helping someone who is very ill to continue denying his or her illness. The alcoholic becomes condi tioned to believe that there will always be a protector to come to the rescue.

WHAT DO YOU DO ABOUT THE ALCOHOLIC’S DRINKING?

( U - C J O lf

C c U U ^ a . . . .

I have just spent a weekend in the country with a group of sober gay friends: ware suaaer days skinny dipping in the pond, cooking over an open fire, picking wild flowers to brighten the kitchen, sharing the joy of living with one another.

of a sunset and knowing that unless I did some thing that I would never again see that joy from the side of a mountain. 1 would sit, I thought, in ay roos with ayself and drink ayself to death. Alcohol won. That was ay turning point, ay bottom. I reached with all I had for help I was afraid to grasp. It has worked and still does. Life today, since that point, has become one long bucolic gamble. I have been released from ay addiction on a day to day life basis. I'a learning to live practical and meaningful strategies for sober living; I aa not fighting with ayself or with ay alcoholisa.

Last night as the sun set over the woods we had a aeeting because that is one of the principles that guides our lives today. A new comer to A.A., Tom, shared his feelings about being in A.A. and I was deeply touched. It brought me back to the first days of ay own sobriety when the fact that I was an alco holic enlightened ay life and gave shape to an experience of living that had seeaed like a lost battle in the dark. I got hope at ay first AA meeting and the healing bale of this spiritual way of life began to work its aagic.

I'* going for a walk now, down to the pond, with some frineds. I can't proaise that if you have a drinking problem that you will get here, to this place. I do suspect that if you do as I and as thousands others have, you will find peace for yourself, release fr o m an addic tion, and a good place in the sun.

For me, the fun had been over a long tiae. My aother, who was the "problem" in ay life died a drunken death, and soon I had become addicted, too. I reneaber one night catching a gliapse

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I reaeaber clearly the day, two years ago, when I got a call at ay office from ay lover. was simple — "I'a an alcoholic and I need help." -- and it totally changed ay life.

The message

ws'd been together a few years and the insanity of his drinking and ay reactions had grown to the point where I had been planning on moving out. His call came on a Friday morning, the day before I was to leave. My pride and ego boasted that it was ay iainent departure that led hia to realise that it was his problem. Six months after he stopped drinking, he asked me to leave...because I had become a threat to his sobriety. I was hurt, angry and confused; and I survived it because I had been attending Al-Anon meetings long enough to realise what was going on, and I had sows tools to work with during it all. I had gone to an Al-Anon meeting a few days after he entered a hospital to dry out. I went to the meeting because the people at the hospital suggested it; I assumed the purpose in going was to learn how to support ay lover's recovery -- the way an army wife would be "trained" to support her husband's career. I shared ay plight -- I was lonely and afraid and elated all at once. I thought that we had finally identified TW£ PROBLEM in our relationship -- his drinking -- and that everything would be perfect in sobriety. Well, we broke i*> then got back together, only after we had both been in AA and Al-Anon long enough to be clear about ourselves and away from alcohol long enough tosee what really had happened. discovered we both mere the same people sober (X chose to stop drinking too) and began to understand how our sobriety gave us the ability to deal with both the problems and the pleasures of our rela-

It is clear to ■■ that I was and an a "co-alcoholic". I can identify with all the feelings of fear, doubt and insecurity that alcoholics share as well as the warped attitudes that grow froa living with an alcoholic. In addition, I grew up in a hoae in which we were faced daily with the problems of living with an active drunk. My lover and I were affected by each other. I, by his disease; and he by ny attitudes and behaviors toward his drinking and froa dealing with an alcoholic since child hood. We have a life together second to none. The good has come froa the spiritual growth we've both ex perienced in AA and in Al-Anon. I an loved today because I have learned to love, to let go, to care about ayself...and to know when to keep ay mouth shuti I have learned to be patient and to be less judgemental. My life had become terribly unmanageable; now there are long periods of deep serenity. I can say now that I am grateful I love a aan who is a recovering alcoholic.

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tdOriA. returning to my family, drinking most of the time and still trying to use that escape ay feelings.

I remember my parents drinking. My father became angry and violent aore often than not, with temper tantrums, throwing things when my brother and sister and I did not do as he said. I was 15 when I remember telling ay mother to divorce my father. It was after he was drunk and had a fight with her over some thing. He pushed her and she hit her head against the coffee table. He storaed out of the house. My mother had gone to i*1® bedroom and got a gun, she was sitting on the bed when I walked in, scared. That was alcoholism in ay family, and my childhood.

I left home again when I turned 19, went back to Chicago, another geographic cure, without any results. When I was 22 I began to threaten suicide. I attempted suicide one day and was put into a mental institution. I did all of this drunk...and because the alcohol was getting to me and had begun to stop offering relief. My drinking continued to get worse and I began to spend more and more time in bars. I tried to buy friends and buy acceptance. I managed to teach school for a year and then worked at a home for boys. I continued to drink, more and more and began to isolate myself. I remember inventing a world of fantasy then, and began to live in that fantasy.

When I was 15 I started dating a girl named Bar bara. I wanted to be accepted at school and I figured I had to date her to gain that accep tance. I had occasional sex with two men my own age and to drink with them as well. The drinking took away feelings toward my hoae si tuation, and I was stealing and the drinking took away feelings about doing that. It took away the pain of having to feel accepted and the guilt of having sex with other men. Booze made me feel better, for a while at least. One evening I met John, Barbara's older brother. He and I started drinking that night. I'd go to my house and steal booze, share it and buy his friendship. We eventually had sex together, both of us drunk. I graduated from college when I was 17 and drinking had become very impor tant in my life. I lasted through the freshman year, just barely passing. I spent most every night at the bar, ordered a rum and coke and felt relief from the pressures. I felt re lief from loneliness and feeling unloved and dif ferent. I ran away when I was 18, went to Chi cago, seeking a geographic cure. I ended up

I met someone and fell in love. After w« had met, he told me that he had to leave for al coholic treatment. wow, I found someone to love and found someone who was an alcoholic. I started to go to AA meetings, not for myself but rather, for him. I also stopped drinking on January 21, 1979. Well, he and I are not together and he did not stay in AA. I personal ly have found answers in AA. I have learned, since joining,that I am loved and accepted. I continue to learn that I am CK. I continue to learn that I am OK as an alcoholic and as a gay person. I have friends, I don't have to buy their friendship. I have a good job and all of my needs are me t . It has not always been easy, these past 2 and a half years, but they have been worth living.

I grew up an only child in an alcoholic home. The drinking was periodic and usually loud. Often there were hysteri '-y cd L co + rtrC C cs cal arguments and the only emotion I remember was anger. I grew up withdrawn and insecure. I had developed a re action to my mother's drinking and those patterns lasted with me for years to come.

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When I that I except became

met my lover she was sober in AA. I knew nothing about alcoholism at the time. I noticed was becoming isolated and friends began to ask what was going on. I didn't seem to know, that something in roe would be touched off by our often loud and hysterical arguments. I depressed and desperate; I had to get out of this relationship or get some help. . .. C a n tc n iu e a

One night I want to an AA meeting to hear a friend speak. She spoke about her lover and her feelings of obsession. I could identify. For the first time I heard someone describe how I was feeling. She described ray constantly thinking about my lover and feeling that I had to hide from or in some was control and protect her from ever drinking again. X decided to go to A1-Anon as a last resort. After 8 months of living with an alcoholic, a sober alcoholic, my life had become unmanageable. The pregram is slowly and surely putting things into a workable perspective. I have a sense of greater choices in terms of ray own actions and my own attitudes. I have spent most of ray life feeling isolated and alone with groups of people. It seemed to me that I have never learned how to feel comfortable and now I am. Patterns from child hood are vanishing. I have found that I tend to resist the things that I need most. I am easing into things now, learning how to let go of needing to control. I am finding that when I stop trying so hare to run things, and when I can let go, that things fall into place. For me, it is working.

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I don't think I was born an alcoholic, that's just the way things turned out. My family prides itself on its New England lineage which goes back to the Mayflower tradition. As part of my family's upbringing, I was instructed toi control emotions, to not show love, to be a man, and to be hard. My father was a right wing tyrant and he had to be in control. No one had a say but h e . My mother could not live that way and she found alcohol as a way to alleviate pain. I can remember all the way back to my childhood and from the age of 8 years old I can not honestly say that I can remember her being sober. During those years, as the youngest, I took on the role of being the peace maker in my family. I have no idea how many times I pre vented them from killing each other. I was ashamed of the violence at hone. I lied to cover it up, I became totally isolated, I had to protect myself somehow and someway.

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When I was 22 I had my first lover. We were to gether for several years and often fought like cats and dogs. My lover liked to have "last call" at home. One night, while I was away he did just that; this time with the wrong per son. I came home from a business trip the next morning and found him on the kitchen floor dead, with a .38 caliber bullet hole through his head. After he died my life was horribly empty. In a short time I was interrogated by the police and I was booked for first degree murder, arraigned, then released on $20,000 bail. Things could not have been bleaker, so I thought. When I saw him in the casket, the pent emotions came pouring out. I never had cried so much. I received one letter of sympathy from our supposed friend. One night, I decided to go to the bar that he went to. I met with the two bartenders, Bill and Don. I said, "hellol" Their reply was, "oh, what are you doing here? We all thought you killed him". From that point on until the day I entered AA, I totally totally isolated myself from the gay world, I re-entered the closet to stay protected and safe and alone.

I was a poor student for quite some time but then found that one way to escape the hell at home was to become so involved with school, so the F's and D's became A's and B's as I found escape. I graduated from high school as the "most improved student" and was awarded several scholarships. Those scholarships pro vided me with the chance to leave that awful environment and to start a life of my own at college.

My job got wind that I was booked for murder and unpon their investigation found that it * gay murder. My credentials were sus pended and then revoked for ay being "of unfit moral character". I had lost ay lover and ay means of making a living. The only friend was a once a day quart of scotch. Even tually the charges were dropped. I became furious with the authorities.

One problem confronted me in this new life; that was, I was so shielded that it became almost impossible for anyone to know me. I was playing the role, being the person I didn't want to be. I felt again isolated, alone and without friendship.

I became desperate to find someone to share the rent and found Bob, a young guy who worked with ay lover. He moved in. The guy ripped me off for almost everything and one evening I found him going through ay wallet. I was drunk and lost complete control of ay emotions. I tried to kill him with a kitchen knife. He got away and sliced my hand and then beat the living shit out of me. He left that night, stealing all the money for rent and I was evicted.

I was able to get a good job after college. For the first time in my life I had money to spend and I decided to finally "live". I was going to drink as much as I wanted and let go of my isolation. The first drink was aw ful, the second not so bad, the third...wonderfull For the next ten years, I drank scotch more and more and felt less and less isolation along the way.

C o n tiriL c e d 34

One evening after having a lot to drink, I staggered to work. I was a security guard and a kid came in. I asked him if I could take his car for a spin, he agreed even though I was rip roaring drunk. Z got in, proceeded to race around the block, hit a patch of sand and the car went right for a cement wall. I spent the next year in the hospital, more dead than alive.

When Z was able to sober up Z made a resolu tion to join AA. Z went to my first AA meeting the next day. Z made the AA program a part of my life blood. Z thought, breathed and ate AA. Guess what? ZT WORKS. What Z have been able to do in just over one year really surprises me. All of ay dreams are becoming real. The credentials Z had lost are now back. Z have a tremen dous job, Z am making a good living, Z have ay own place and am with the people that are friends. Life, for the first time, is beauti ful. Z have been able to break old barriers that 1 had to use to protect myself from other people. Z now have nothing to hide, the per son that 1 am, that person is a pretty good guy. Z have a purpose in my life and look forward to each day, whether or not it has problems. Z am able to live today, what a feeling l

Z was trying to commit suicide. The insanity Z suffered went deep. Z finally got out and the very first thing Z did was go out and get a bottle of scotch and get drunk. Z was with out money, no job and was disabled. Zt came to the point that Z had nothing left and planned a suicide right down to the last detail. Z researched poisons and wanted it to be clean and quick. Z had a hypo ready and was enjoying the last drink and someone knocked on my door. Zt was an early afternoon, a Tuesday. Reluct antly Z answered; it was ay mother. She had NEVER come to that apartment before. Z could not lie to her and she could tell what was going on. She physically threw me out of the apartment and took me with her. On the way home, she stopped at a liquor store and bought a bottle of scotch, to make sure Z was drunk enough not to do anything for the rest of that day.

When Z first sobered up, Z said to myself, I'll never have a good time again because Z can not drink. With sobriety, a world has opened to me and Z can do anything. Alcoholism, as a disease, took me to the pits of life. Z am victorious today because of the help of other alcoholics, the principles of AA and b e cause of a higher power. Z do n ’t care what anyone's religious or political beliefs are, Z know for sure that there has been a power greater than myself that has lifted me, at the right time and at the right place. Zt has worked through people. Z am alive today, and am grateful.

My mother had to have me institutionalized. No matter how hard Z had tried, Z could not kill myself so Z decided, why not give this place the try. Before Z left Z wanted to have just a few more drinks. Z wouhd up getting so drunk, that when Z tried to get up, Z couldn’t. This was the first time in my memory that Z had loet control of my body (THAT ZS CALLED ALCOHOLZC PARALYSIS). Drunk, on the cellar floor, Z hit ay bottom. Z gave up.

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I grew up alcoholic and gay in a snail southern town. Looking back over those years I can now see alcoholism, its affect upon me physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and hew alcoholism was a carman thread that ran through my entire life . Physically ray body craved alcohol but I was never really able to drink great volunes of liquor. Even during my last and worst drinking, it took two days before I could finish one pint of bourbon. Once I took one drink, I was absolutely unable to make a rational decision about quitting. I was often obsessed with it; my next drink was almost always on my mind. I'd often try andfiqure ways to drink as much as possible in the shorted amount of time without being found out. This often required my staying up late after everyone had gone to bed, pouring drinks in the dark, then leveling out the liquor supplies so that no one might suspect that any was missing. Spiritually I felt dead. I had a heart that ached like an enpty refrigerator. I played God with others and my relationships were hurt badly by all of this. Often I'd notice that I was so far out of harmony with the world, the universe; with myself and that would hurt me. I was a demanding person. I placed this demand upon a God: relieve my pain, turn my life around. At one point, after many inc idents with the law, I was arrested and brought to court for drunk driving. My strategy was to accept going to A.A. meetings, rather than ja il. I started to go and something happoned. My attitude opened up, my vaneer began to crack just through my dealing with others who knew what it (andI) was like. I new knew that A.A. saved me from doing real harm to myself, maybe to others too. I am now con vinced I want to do what I need to do for myself and sobriety remains nunber one. Without it I am lost and I don't ever want to go through that suffering again, nor that lonliness. My life has become full and I live now with a freedom I did not have while drinking. I accept me and change me as I need to. The road through sobriety is always under construction.. .life seems new all of the time for me. I do the best I can, live with a gratitude and peace. I've got all I need now and am happy I can pass along what I have lived through.

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two y e a r s , we h a d m o v e d f r o m the c e n t e r o f P h i l a d e l p h i a to t h e w i l d s o f B u c k s C o u n t y , a c o m p l e t e c h a n g e for b o t h o f us. Here I was, L i v i n g on t e n a c r e s a n d I h a d n o idea h o w to d r i v e a c a r . It w a s t h r e e m i l e s to the n e a r e s t c o u n t r y st o r e , but I w a s h a p p y . . . b e l i e v e it or not, t h e r e w a s a b ar w i t h i n a c ountry block. It w a s a c o u n t r y a n d w e s t e r n bar a n d not t h e sort of p l a c e a g a y m a n w o u l d be f o und. U n l e s s he w a s l o o k i n g for t r o u b l e . . . I b a c a m e f r i e n d l y w i t h t he o w n e r a n d felt safe dri n k i n g there. T h e o n l y p r o b l e m s at that b ar b e c a m e s e r i o u s w h e n I w o u l d o f t e n h a v e t o be t h r o w n o ut for b e i n g t o o d r u n k .

My m a c is Ron and I an an alcoholic. There was a tine that I never thought it would be necessary to say those words. I "couldn't" become an alcoholic. "Alcoholics are all skid row buns"...I would never permit my life to sink to such lows. If alcohol became a pro blem, I thought, I would promptly stop my drinking. As I look back over my life, I realize that I was heading for trouble from the very beginning of my drinking. I was born illegimately of a mother who became a mental patient. Shortly after my birth I was taken by my maternal grandparents. They loved me very much and tried in their own way to make up for my lkck of pa rent s . We were very poor but we were wealthy when it came to a joy for life. I longed for parents of my own but it just was not to be. I had a Catholic education and that both helped and confused me. As I approached puberty and realised that I was gay, ay life style conflicted with my religion. I loved ay family and my religion and desperately tried to cling to them both, and that started a mental, emotional and spiritual battle that would last for years.

H e r e is w h e r e ray n i g h t m a r e s b e g a n . I learned h o w to d r i v e a n d p r o m p t l y l o s t m y l i c e n s e for drunk driving. I was f i g h t i n g w i t h F r e d ov e r m y d r i n k i n g , a n d v i o l e n c e b e c a m e a p a r t of our l i v e s , s o m e t h i n g we h a d n e ver e x p e r i e n c e d before. I t r i e d p s y c h i a t r y , but I w a s not r e a d y f o r a n y o f th a t h e l p u n t i l I s t o p p e d m y drinking. I c h a n g e d jobs regularly. My a b s e n t e e i s m w a s so b a d I ' d q u i t a j o b b e f o r e t h e y ' d f i r e me. I h a d s e v e n t e e n j o b s in e i g h teen years. A m a n w h o f r e q u e n t e d th a t c o u n t r y bar h a d a b u s i n e s s r i g h t next d o o r t o t h e bar a n d n e e d e d a b o o k k e e p e r . He h i r e d m e a n d I p r o c e e d e d to w o r k for hi m . He d r a n k l i k e I d i d s o w e g ot a l o n g just fine. On that j o b I w o u l d ta k e b e e r t o w o r k a n d s o m e t i m e s I w o u l d get so d r u n k I c o u l d n ' t a n s w e r the p h o n e . He t h r e a t e n e d to f i r e m e on m a n y o c c a s i o n s but he always relented. B y th i s time, I c o u l d n ’t s t o p d r i n k i n g o n m y own. I h a d h eard of A l c o h o l i c s A n o n y m o u s b ut w a s a f r a i d to g o the r e . I h a d it in m y m i n d that it w a s some k i n d of religious organization. I had become spiritual ly b a n k r u p t , w a s a f r a i d t o a p p r o a c h a n y t h i n g that s o u n d e d r e l i g i o u s in n a t u r e . I called a f r i e n d in P h i l a d e l p h i a , a g a y a c t i v i s t , a n d he a d v i s e d that I g o to AA, t e l l i n g m e that t h e y w e r e t h e on e s w h o c o u l d h e l p .

At sixteen, I had ay first "unsupervised" drink at a party given by some friends. I got very drunk that night and had to be carried home. Throughout ay teen years these inci dents occured again and again. I was always being taken home drunk. Only ay grandmother was at home and she did not know of the drunks. I finished school and took a job. By this time, I was out of the closet. At least, I had accepted the fact that I was gay. My grand mother went into a nursing home and I became free to go ay own way. I immediately moved to the center city of Philadelphia and sought out other gay people. My drinking was not bad during this time, I had little money and was not yet hooked.

I c a l l e d the n u m b e r for A A f o u n d in t h e p h o n e book, and t o l d the p e r s o n that I w a s g a y and that I w a n t e d t o t a l k to s o m e o n e w h o w o u l d u n derstand. A while later the pho n e rang a n d a m a n t o l d m e that h e w a s an a l c o h o l i c a n d w a s g a y and k n e w what I w a s going through, We m e t that e v e n i n g a n d he t o l d m e a l l a b o u t h i m s e l f and h o w h e h a d s t a y e d s o b e r . He t o o k m e t o AA meetings and I took to them immediately. I found the answers I needed to stay sober. That was in 1967; I h a v e n o w b e e n s o ber for 14 y e a r s .

I went into the service when X was 20 and in spite of ay be ing gay, I got through it with some interesting memories. By this time I had made contact with my father and he invited me to visit him in L.A. I tried to love ay father but found I could only pity him for what he had become. He died two years later... of alcoholism.... I returned to Philadelphia and set up a little apartment of ay own. Within a year I was to meet ay lover.

F r e d a n d I n o w h a v e a g o o d li f e t o g e t h e r . AA m e m b e r s of a ll k i n d s h a v e h e l p e d a n d h a v e a c c e p t e d us. T h r o u g h l i v i n g sob e r , o n e d a y at a t i m e , I l e a r n e d a b o u t m y s e l f a n d w h a t I m u s t d o in o r d e r for roe to s t a y s o b e r a n d to l i v e a g o o d s o l i d life.

The night I met Fred I got drunk, so drunk that I was sure he would want t o run. I n s t e a d , he stayed w i t h me that night and is still with me 23 years later. Fred tried to curb my drinking. At first he tried by cutting down on t he n u m b e r o f t i m e s we went to bars, then by f i n d i n g a c t i v i t i e s for b o t h us to d o that did no t i n c l u d e d r i n k i n g . Within

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Wyoming has always been crazy about Richard Nixon and it is the only state withough a listing in the Guide to Gay Pars in the U S . Growing up gay in the 60's in Cheyenne, Wyoming was quite an exper ience. I was an overachiever and spent my time with books rather than with people. I wanted to be part of an "in crowd" at school and those years were marked with a calculated plan to be well liked and to be viewed as an all American boy. It was around that time that I found Coors beer and the re lease T discovered by getting high. I moved from Wyoming to Connecticut for college and that move set the die for two preoccupations which consumed virtually all my time, and years to come. I was bent on accepting my being gay and I was set on drinking my way through life. The very first night in college marked a major drinking ep isode in which I woke the next day and found myself in the bed with a dorm proctor. I drank to oblivian and woke with hangovers. What concerned me the most was that I woke not remembering a thing I had done...a blackout, and my first one. I was concerned with hiding my sexuality and at the same time my drinking increased to the point where I drank every’ day and found myself having to drink in order to bo around people. I could not understand people who insisted on not drinking. I wondered, what did they do then? My attitude was: drink to get really high and never say no. I ended up graduating in philosophy, believing in nothing, understand!ng and accepting little about myself or others and having great hatred for myself for being gay. I was only th«m beginning to suspect that I had a problem with drinking. I had no idea what to do, so did what seemed logical, I moved, this time back to Wyoming. (We call this a "geographical cure" in AA). I enrolled again, this time in the University of Wyoming and began four more years of denial— of my being gay and alcoholic. T dated women but by the end of two years was impotent. On the rare occassions when I had sex with men, I was so consumed with guilt that I vowed to drink more. Things got worse and so, another geographic cure was at hand and I came back east. I came to Boston and enrolled, again, in a University program. I quickly became directionless and bored and found myself becoming more and more settled with being with other gay people. Every afternoon at five I'd saunter into a local bar, sit in a far c o m e r , order scotch, and wait...and dream. My life continued like this and I began to realize that I liad a serious problem, and that the probldr.i was my drinking. I tried to stop, always on a Monday, but found some reason always to con tinue. I'd spend the next week walking streets, fantasizing about what my life might be like next Monday when I would stop drinking. Mondays came and went and I could not stop. I moved again, this time to New Hampshire, thinking that somehow by moving it would be different, or easier. I went from there to Cape Cod, from there to Laramie, Wyoming...same problem, same story. Then, and there I got frightened. One day I flew back and wound up in Provincetown. From an empty bar I realized tliat my whole life was, infused with al cohol. It had became, among other things, a reward for making it through a day. To give it up, I thought, would mean that I'd have to change everything that had any meaning to me. I felt that was an inposible thing for me to do but things were just so bad and I Just wanted help. I wont to my doctor and told him about my drinking. The only thing he would do for me was rec ommend that I go to AA. lie said that he could put me on drugs or on antabusc, but AA liad the recovery for Alcoholics that I needed. Months later I finally made the step. I wont believing I could stop my own way and alone. I ttought that I had a problem but I was not an alcoholic like them. Finally I got to a meeting and found people with whom I could identify and with whan I shared a cannon bond of struggle, confusion and a desire for something much healthier and better. I liad reached my own bottom. Ot's hard to describe had radically my’ life has changed since July of 1977. First and foremost, I haven't needed to drink or to take a drug for nearly four years. I do that one day at a time. I realize that alcoholism is a disease and that I was fortunate not to reach any skid rows (though I often feel I had a skid row between my ears). AA lias given me a framework with which to live and promises me a productive life as long as I refrain from taking the first drink or drug one day at a time. With the help of others I have ccme to accept my homosexuality and look upon it as a gift and an opportunity. I revel in freedom, my work has changed since I stopped drinking. I am no longer ob sessed with work as a means of gaining recognition from others. I am learniing to enjoy my work, letting it unfold and sharing it with others through teaching. .And for relationships, some say that once you give up an addiction it must be replaced with some thing. It has. I was a loner, afraid of others. I have learned in sobriety that I am not a bad person and I h a w learned to enjoy and like myself. They told me: once you stop you'll never have to be alone again. The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking and it works.

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I am thirty five, a veteran and an amateur singer with talent. I am a glamour queen from the Midwest and that is the peg upon which I will hang my story. I am an alcoholic. I was bom into a Nebraska family, fourth of six children. We were poor and I often felt insecure and out of place. My parents, particularly my mother, had lots of difficulty with me. I started an early and active fantasy and escape life with fairy tales and piles of romantic fiction. I loved things that glittered and had a large collection of jewelry. Other kids in town played ball and I went knocking on doors soliciting old jewelry which I collected and worked with. My first drinks were a couple of beers and blended whisky at a family reunion. When I was a sophomore in high school we had beer parties in open com fields and I would drink and be roudy with the rest of than then. I would line up at the water fountain the next day, and with pride because I was as hung over and dehydrated as the rest of them, so I was not alone. At sixteen I left home to work in a display department of a wonderful store in Lincoln, Nebraska. I took all my fantasies and spent my sutimer there until I went to the University of Nebraska. Three semesters later I flunked out of school and joined the United States Army. I could drink in the Army as much as I wanted and as cheaply as I could. I joined special services during the first Viet Nam build up in 1966 and spent my service time singing in the Seventh Army Soldier's Chorus and drinking 20? beer and 35£ whisky. I drank every single day from that time on until I got sober many years later. In 1969 I moved into Greenwhich Village with a friend, his girlfriend and plenty to drink. I looked for work in the jewelry business by day and went to bars by night. One night shortly after arriving in NYC, I went to a Christopher Street bar called the Stonewall and was picked up by an older man who lived in the neighborhood. I walked into the most extraordinary apartment: mirrors, a satin sofa, grand piano and crystal everywhere. He returned from the kitchen with two of the largest glasses I had ever seen, each filled with bodka. I knew that this man and I were going to be fast friends. I found that vodka was my drink and my drink for all seasons. After that evening I found I would drink vodka from every conceivable container possible; from coffee cups, ash trays, goblets, saucers and straight from the bottle. I met my lover through this man and he and I lived together for eight years. My lover did not drink and for the first few years would bring vodka home for me__ four quarts per week. I would come home from work and begin to drink. I was drunk by 6 PM every day. Often my lover would cane hone and find me drunk and passed out, or not find me at all. I spent so much time in that condit ion that I found I would drink to escape the pain of the hangover every single day. Vodka and coffee was devine! As time went on, friends began to disappear. I was an alcoholic, being pushed by my drinking and I did not know it. I became a loud drunk and became hard to get along with. My drinking, which had been my companion, began to turn on me. At that time I was thirty. That's supposed to be a trauma for queens so I gave myself a physical check up and they found that I very serious liver damage. I was told that I had to take it easy with the cocktails yet my concern for health lasted for about one day. I began to sneak drinks from my own house. I thought somehow that sneaking would mean easing up. After jast a few drinks I didn't care about sneaking anyway, so much for scaring an alcoholic into stopping! It was clear to me that I oould not stop my own drinking for any length of time even though I was seriously ill with liver damage. Finally Jack, my lover, left and I was alone and that manent I oould see how hard life had become and how impossible things were. Above all, I was beating myself to death with my drinking. It had long since stopped being fun for me. I made a call to AA on a Wednesday, then drank a quart of vodka. I just had to, I don't know why. I used AA to get sober and then to supply a structure for a sober life. I found people there I had wanted to meet all of my life. There's something special about going through an experience like mine, coming out the other end and finding others there who had done the same. It's freedom for me. I have some real friends and a life that seems sometimes complicated. I do not have hangovers, re morse or pangs of lonliness anymore. My disease has been stopped. Today I am sober and am not de priving myself of anything, rather I am giving myself a chance for a good and sober life. Since I have become sober I have gone to Boston to attend a gathering of lesbian and gay people in AA. I sing new with two major groups and am a partner in a Jewelry business. My addiction has been a bridge into a fellowship in AA and to all my abilities in myself. My life sober is the most prec ious thing that I have.

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Dionysus, when your vermillion lips kissed my youngstn'i heart it c u n to song. You kissed ey feet end they softened end lightened end your lute carried thee far frosi earth. And there between ey thighs your long cool tongue brought but to blossom and you were ay lover, my lover before all others. I felt 1 needed you like sueeer needs rainfall, like a dark night needs the noon. I was parched earth and you moistened me and left me ready for plowing and growing to flower and harvest. And you were my lover, easy to capture, easy to hold, my lev er before all others, before all others, you were ay lover.

I had not made a fool of myself. I could remember what happened. I didn't feel any piercing pain behind my eyes. I hadn't had that much to drink. It was more seeing the people I had sewn the night before and hearing what they didn’t say, feeling their polite ness, a sort of backwards respect of not confronting someone you care about with the fact they're always drinking, they start early and don't stop until consciousness is lost. They offer you coffee, inquire if you slept well and you fill in the rest. It usually starts with an apology on a good morning, tremors on a bad morning, and on a really bad morning it seems easier to stay in bed and hurt from the poison, far easier to hurt alone that to suffer the politeness of others whose silence meets your silence at that awful place of worship of the god of des pair. Dionysus is waiting in his temple, accepting regrets and denials. He grants absolution and feeds deperation in a single gesture indicating he is waiting, he is ready. His lips are always wet, they glisten and invite. His tongue is cool and supple. He wonders do you love him and if you love him why do you stay away. Why will you not come sooner today than yesterday and sooner still tomorrow?

It was like having no place to return to, like being born in a war where the only fleeting peace was poured from a bottle or at the point of penetration from a needle in the hand of a doctor who agreed, if briefly, to suspend the pain of being born, of living too auch or too long. Everybody wanted to forget Dachau or Nagasaki, to pretend like it wasn’t happening again and again in Korea. The streets were full of these people. They were ay parents and their neighbors. They were ay pregnant mother and her doctors and her nurses. And if she were afraid of asking life with her woab, who would listen or care beyond the offer of narcotics? Nobody. In such a world you eat rocks and glass so you grow up hard and brittle, so nobody notices you noticing that there's always been a war somewhere, that we've never stopped killing each other, that valor and stu pidity are an awful lot alike.

I stopped loving him six years ago with most of spring behind me and one long south Geor gia summer in my future. I gave no notice, left abruptly and would not look back no mat ter what loomed ahead. I remember how heavy my feet were, how I couldn't dance for a long time, how I could only sing alone until lately, until lately I could sing for no one else. It is still hard to find the words to ask other men to share my love. You see, he was so easy, his dark beauty so profound loving him was like loving the night itself. And I miss him and mourn him. I owe him my deliverance from the world of walking statues I was born to. And I fear him, even through others, I fear him. I shun his temples, his fine enchanting reveries. I have not kissed him since I left him becoming in departing the god of my own sweet pleasure, the god of my own despair.

And just when I would have broken like a clock wound too tight there was Dionysus embracing me, giving ae back my singing heart, ay dancing feet, showing ae ecstasy through the aras and eyes of other aen but always present, seeing through their eyes, touching with their fingers. And I loved him, I loved him before all others and I loved him too much. He was as jealous as he was generous. He would strike no bargains and allow no others and finally it was just him to stir me and still ae, to hold me, to grant me rest. He came by himself, constantly but alone. He grew heavy and sad and I knew his other. He was the god of pleasure, yes, but he also ruled despair.

GAY AND BI-SEXUALITY (PLANT, ANIMAL, HUMAN)... AND THE SURVIVAL OF OUR PLANET A^ themselves. The asexual fern simply r e p r o d u c e s t h r o u g h spores. T h e s o u l ’s r e f l e c t i o n ( t h e " m a l e - f e m a l e " w i t h i n ) c a n be s e e n in t h e s i m p l e s t p l a n t form. A squash p l a n t r e a c h e s for the sun w h i l e e x p r e s s i n g m a l e , u n i s e x u a l a n d f e m a l e f l o w e r s (in t h a t order; the Sc o t c h P i n e r e v e r s e s that order).

A g r e a t h e a l i n g p r o c e s s is o c c u r i n g in t h e attitude, u n d e r s t a n d i n g , and a p p r e c i a t i o n of o ur gay and b i -sexual nature. The gay focus o f s e x u a l i t y in p a r t i c u l a r h a s l o n g b e e n o v e r l o o k e d a s an i n t e g r a l p a r t o f p h y s i c a l reality. G a y a n d b i - s e x u a l qur '.ties a r e w o v e n into plant, animal, and hum a n c a p a c i t i e s and are d e e p l y r o o t e d in t he c r e a t i v e p r o c e s s of the planet. The " a p t n e s s " o f g a y and b i - s e x u a l i t y is c l o u d e d by d o g m a a nd t r a d i t i o n s w h i c h s t i f l e o u r I n t u i t i v e k n o w l e d g e and the n a t u r a l u n f o l d m e n t of our beings. This suppresion o f o u r s e x u a l a b i l i t i e s is w e l _ d o c u m e n t e d by h i s t o r y . The w o u n d s are deep. Repression a nd d e n i a l o f o u r g a y a n d b i - s e x u a l h e r i t a g e h a v e l e f t s c a r s , g a p s an i n c o m p l e t e n e s s -- a dis-ense. In J a n e R o b e r t s T H E N A T U R E O E T H E 1’S Y C H E ( a S e t h B o o k ) it is p r o p o s e d t F a t the i n c l u s i o n o f g a y a n d b i - s e x u a l i t y w i t h i n the full s p e c t r u m o f h u m a n e n e r g i e s is n e c e s s a r y f o r li fe, as w e k n o w it, to c o n t i n u e o n t h i s planet. As a w e s o m e as t h a t s o u n d s , t he rekindling o f o u r g a y a n d b i - s e x u a l n a t u r e b e g i n s by s i m p l y s t e p p i n g o u t s i d e i n t o the o p e n a i r ... THE PLANTS TFne pi a n t - k i n g d o m f l o u r i s h e s in a m o s t l y u n i - s e x u a l w o r l d , u s i n g s e x u a l i t y in a v e r y c r e a t i v e , i m a g i n a t i v e wa y . T a k e a d e e p breath. Ah-choo! Yes indeed, some lit t l e h e r m a p h r o d i t i c v i o l e t m u s t have been m a s t u r b a t i n g ,

Violets rasturbate while e a r t h w o r k s e n g a g e in h o m o s e x u a l

and

female

blossoms

on a s q u a s h

plant.

It s e e m s s i l l y to a t t e m p t to c a t g o r i z e a n d label the pl a n t kingdom's sexual activities w h i c h a r e so i n d i s c r i m i n a t e a n d f r e e - b o r n . To u s e s o c i o - p s y c h o l o g i c a l t e r m s on p l a n t s ' s e x u a l p l a y is l i m i t i n g o u r t r u e u n d e r s t a n d i n g . O n e c a n ' t h e l p b u t be a m u s e d to r e a d D a r w i n ' s e a r l y s t u d y of plants, and smile at his a t t e m p t s to d e s c r i b e t h e " i l l e g i t i m a t e u n i o n s " o f t h e priraose. Darwin classified flowers into h e t e r o - s t y l e d , h e r m a p h r o d i t e and hom o - s t y l e d plants. Homo-styled plants were p l a n t s of the same f orm ( i e . , s o rrell) that f e r t i l i z e d each other. Darwin moralized a b out the " l e g i t i m a t e " and " i l l e g i t i m a t e " o f f - s p r i n g o f hetero and homo-styled plants and the "evil r e s u l t s " of s e l f - f e r t i l i z a t i o n ! O n e c a n o n l y be b a f f l e d by t h i s , s i n c e s e l f - p o l l i n a t i o n is v i t a l to t h e p l a n t kingdom. If it w e r e n ' t f o r m a s t u r b a t i n g b l o o m s , w e w o u l d be m i s s i n g a n a r r a y o f c o l o r o u t s i d e a n d h a v e n o p e a n u t b u t t e r in t h e cupboard. Darwin's attitude established a p r e c e d e n t in t h e w o r l d o f s c i e n c e . It is n o t u n c o m m o n , f o r s c i e n t i f i c r e s e a r c h to be p r e j u d i c e d and m o r a l i s t i c a b o u t the sex life

act.

o f p l a n t s a n d a n i m a l s in p a r t i c u l a r . The s e x u a l " l i m i t s ' 1 o f w h a t is a c c e p t a b l e by s c i e n c e , d e n y u s s t r o n g e l e m e n t s in o u r n a t u r e . T h e s p a r k , t h e w o n d e r o f an u n l a b e l e d w o r l d could o pen i n n e r - w o r l d s that h ave laid d o r m a n t a n d b r i n g to v i e w t h e i n c l i n a t i o n s o f t h e s o ul. O n c e a g a i n we t ake a breath. It s e e m s somehow deeper. In o u r a t t e m p t to u n d e r s t a n d the r a i n b o w o f s e x u a l i t y a r o u n d u s w e h e a r a c h i l d ' s voice. " L o o k h e re! T h e s e w o r m s are m a k i n g l o v e !"

t r y i n g to f e r t i l i z e i t s e l f a n d f e r t i l i z e d y o u instead! Or , it c o u l d h a v e b e e n o n e o f the birch trees tassels ten-million sperms thrown to t h e d i s c r e t i o n of t he w i n d . Come spring, h a y f e v e r v i c t i m s ( w i t h o u t t he s l i g h t e s t n o t i o n o f f l o w e r f o n d l i n g in m i n d ) s u f f e r b e c a u s e o f nature's o m n i - s e x u a l o r g y . Thank g o o d n e s s s o m e p l a n t s k e e p t h e i r s e x - l i f e to

THE ANIMALS W o r k i n g w i t h c h i l d r e n in an a l t e r n a t i v e s c h o o l s e t t i n g f o r t h e p a s t t wo y e a r s , p r o v i d e d an o pen a t m o s p h e r e w h e r e I could t u n e - i n to t h e v i b r a n t c o l o r , s o u n d a nd s e x u a l i t y of the p lants, a n i m a l s and c h i l d r e n . F r o m s i m p l e o b s e r v a n c e , it is p l a i n to see t h a t l i f e w o u l d n o t _be w i t h o u t s e x u a l i t y . O u r l i v e s a r e a s g o o d as o u r s o i l . Without the h o m o s e x u a l a c t i v i t y of the e a r t h w o r m we w o u l d i n d e e d be a " d e a d p l a n e t " . The male h a l v e s o f t w o e a r t h w o r m s m a t e by e x c h a n g i n g sperms. T h e i r c o n t a c t is p u r e l y a homosexual activity. T h e y p a r t , go t h e i r s e p a r a t e w a y s and then the s e g m e n t s 32-37 s e c r e t e a h o r n y r i n g c o n t a i n i n g e g gs. As the r i n g m o v e s along, f e r t i l i z a t i o n occurs. Some l e e c h e s p e r f o r m t h e s a m e h o m o s e x u a l u n i o n as the e a r t h w o r m .

(do l p h i n r e s e a r c h e r ) p r e s e n t s an a m u s i n g p i c t u r e o f t h e " o u t r a g e " if a d u l t s d i d t h e s a m e t h i n g ( i n t h e n u d e , n a t u r a l l y ) for

Romantic dolohinst anything roes

The c l a s s i c e x a m p l e of a h o m o s e x u a l " b i o l o g i c a l s u c c e s s " h a s b e e n d e s c r i b e d by K o n r a d L o r e n z in h i s s t u d y o f g r a y l a g g a n d e r s . A y o u n g g a n d e r m a k e s his t r i u m p h - r i t e proposal to a n o t h e r m a k e a n d i f a c c e p t e d t h e y s t a y t o g e t h e r for life. The i r uni o n puts them in a n e x t r a - o r d i n a r y p o s i t i o n at t h e t o p o f the i r colony. The t wo f r i e n d s s t i m u l a t e each o t h e r into acts of courage, as they l e a d t h e c o l o n y , p r o t e c t it f r o m p r e d a t o r s a nd p l a y a k e y r o l e in t h e c o l o n i e s s u r v i v a l .

c o l o r T V t h e w a y d o l p h i n s do. Dolphins often i n v o l v e t h e m s e l v e s in c r o s s - s p e c i e r o m a n c e at marinelands. T h e r e are i n ctancen w h e r e male d o l p h i n s h a v e " f a l l e n in l o ve" w i t h t h e i r caretakers. Ceta c e a n expert, R e m m i n t o n K e l l o g g , w a s " s e d u c e d " t w i c e by a m a l e d o l p h i n w h o s h o w e d a f f e c t i o n in an " u n m i a t a k e a b l e manner." A n o t h e r d o l p h i n expert a p p e a s e d her d o l p h i n . Romeo by f o n d l i n g h i s p e n i s , in a c k n o w l e d g e m e n t o f t h e i r Love bond. E x a m p l e s o f s a m e - s e x r e l a t i o n s in a n i m a l s is e x t e n s i v e (ie.. i n s e c t s , a m p h i b i a n s , r e p t i l e s , birds, m a m m e l s ) . N o t a l l o f the s t u d i e s p r o v i d e t h e s a m e i n s i g h t a nd a c c e p t a n c e as d oes the w o r k of Kon r a d Lorenz. H o w e v e r , in S a l l y C a r r i g h a r ' s W I L D H E R I T A G E , she sug g e s t s that h o m o s e x u a l p a i r s are o f ten n e c e s s a r y for p r o t e c t i o n o f y o u n g e r m a l e s from o l d e r males. H o m o s e x u a l u n i o n s by y o u n g e r b a b o o n s w i t h a " s u p e r i o r " m a l e p r o t e c t s t h e m f r o m t he a t t a c k s and the i n d i g n i t i e s of others. Gay sexual r e l a t i o n s a m o n g p r e - p r i m a t e s are c o m m o n and ser v e as a m e a n s for a c o - h e s i v e n e s s w h i c h is u n i f y i n g (ie., in f o r a g i n g and b u i l d i n g s h e l t e r s a g a i n s t w i n t e r storms.) Ms. C a r r i g h a r s u g g e s t s t h a t h o m o s e x u a l i t y a u g m e n t s the sexual e x p e r i e n c e of a n i m a l s a n d s p e c i f i c a l l y n o t e s that, " H o m o s e x u a l i t y , s o m e t i m e s p r e v a l e n t in s i m p l e r s o c i e t i e s , d i d n o t s e e m to a r o u s e the a n x i e t y , b u t r a t h e r t h e s e x u a l e x p e r i e n c e of m a l e s w i t h f e m a l e s ." E d w a r d 0. W i l s o n ' s S O C I O B I O L O G V tal k s of the a d a p t i v e q u a l i t i e s o f h o m o s e x u a l i t y in t he r i t u a l s u s e d to e x p r e s s rank a m o n g m a l e m a c a q u e s and baboons. H e s a y s homosexuality c r e a t e s a b o n d m a i n t e n e n c e w i t h i n the a n i m a l c o m m u n i t y . W i l s o n st a t e s fur t h e r that h o m o s e x u a l i t y in d u c e s a l t r u i s t i c h e h a v i o r c o n d u c t i v e to i m p r o v i n g the f i t n e s s of the animal c o m m u n i t y as a w h o l e . J u n g l e g i a n t s h a v e b e e n o b s e r v e d to h a v e h o m o s e x u a l r e l a t i o n s h i p s of some duration. E l e p h a n t " b ulls" are o f t e n pai r e d and h a v e a f u l l - s c a l e homosexual r e l a t i o n s h i p f o r a l e n g t h y t i me. And remember those endearing pictures of giraffes "necking"? This tender c o u r t s h i p r i t u a l (as d e s c r i b e d by J e a n - P i e r r e H a l l e t in ANIMAL K I T A B U ) is s o l e y r e s e r v e d for bull gir a f f e s " G i r a f f e b u l l s rub, e n t w i n e t h e i r h e a d s a n d j o u s t o n e a n o t h e r in a m o r o u s f o r e play, before one m o u n t s the other. G r o u p s o f t h r e e to six g i r a f f e b u l l s h a v e b e e n o b s e r v e d to " n e c k " t h e n m o u n t e a c h o t h e r indiscriminately. The fe m a l e g i r a f f e s watch, n e a r b y , s o m e w h a t b l a s e to t h e w h o l e th i n g . Can you i m a g i n e the c l a m o u r if a g r o u p of s u b u r b a n h o u s e w i v e s s p o t t e d t h e i r h u s b a n d s in suc h a f f e c t i o n a t e d i s p l a y at the n e i g h b o r h o o d ballpark?

Oay greylag ganders Often, a f e m a l e i n t e r r u p t s the ganders' c o p u l a t i o n a n d a p o s s i b l e m e n a g e - a - t r o i s is formed. The p o s t - c o p u l a t o r y display, however, t»s f o r m e d . The p o s t - c o p u l a t o r y display, h o w e v e r , is a l w a y s s h a r e d b e t w e e n t h e m a l e s . W h e n g o s l i n g s arrive, the "gay" g a n d e r s a d o p t t h e b r o o d a n d a r e c h a r g e d w i t h f e e l i n g a nd e m o t i o n for the o f f - s p r i n g . In t h e w i l d p i n k - f o o t e d g e e s e in I c e l a n d t h e r e is a c o nsiderable p ercentage of families consisting fo t w o g a n d e r s a n d a f e m a l e . The biological a d v a n t a g e h e r e is in t h e d o u b l e d e f e n s e o f t h e ganders, again, their p r o t e c t i o n o f t he c o l o n y as a w h o l e a n d p o p u l a t i o n c o n t r o l by taking sperm out of circulation. H o m o s e x u a l i t y p l a y s a k e y r o l e in k e e p i n g an i m a l p o p u l a t i o n down. Romantic pairings of m a l e dolphins provide a n o t h e r e x a m p l e of d e v o t i o n b e t w e e n same gender. A t y p i c a l m*lc p a i r m a t e f r e q u e n t l y and sho w no i n t e r e s t in fem a l e d o l p h i n s even d u r i n g c o u r t i n g season. O b v i o u s l y , to the' d o l p h i n s , " c o u r t i n g sea s o n " i n c l u d e s a full spectrum of sexual couplings. It m i g h t s h o c k m a n y a v i e w e r that the p l a y f u l d o l p h i n s they o b s e r v e are e n j o y i n g free sex-play, nuz z l i n g each others penis', freely excreting and then e a t i n g each o t h e r s feces. John Lilly

process. H o m o s e x u a l r e l a t i o n s p l a y an i m p o r t a n t r o l e in in t h e s u r v i v a l a n d d i e t o f b e d b u g s in t r o p i c a l a r e a s . Male bedbugs inseminate one another regularly. The semen is a s o u r c e o f p r o t e i n a b s o r b e d i n t o t he blood. T h i s s u s t a i n s the b e d b u g u n t i l ani m a l " b l o o d - f o o d " is l o c a t e d . M a n y a n i m a l s s i m p l y d o n â&#x20AC;&#x2122;t b o t h e r w i t h s e x u a l contact. U n f e r t i l i z e d b e e e g g s g l o r y in t h e virgin birth of male drones. A p h i d s and p l ant l i c e also s h i n e in the " s a n c t i f i e d realm" of vi r g i n birth. Many marine animals (ie., s e a a n e m o n e s , u r c h i n s , s t a r f i s h ) all cast t h e i r eggs and s perm into the sea silly-nilly. T h e r e is no m e e t i n g b e t w e e n male and female. R e p r o d u c t i o n d e p e n d s o n t he m o v e m e n t of the water. I t ' s a m a z i n g to r e a l i z e t h a t a n i m a l s w e r e once p u nished for following their natural sexual i n c l i n a t i o n s and processes. Many female animals develop masculine traits after m e n o p a u s e (ie., t h e " c r o n e " ) . Hens, for example, often develop a dormant ovary which is t r a n s f o r m e d a p s u e d o - t e s t i c l e . They also show signs of comb growth. Our ancestors of the M i d d l e A ges i m m e d i a t e l y w o u l d g r a b the c r o w i n g hens, w r i n g t h e i r ne c k s and burn th e i r bodies. Hogs, for o t h e r "un s a v o u r y " reasons, w e r e in c o n s t a n t t r o u b l e w i t h t h e law. A few a n i m a l s a c t u a l l y m a n a g e to c o m e o u r " a h e a d " (ie., l a d y b u g s w e r e n a m e d a f t e r t h e V i r g i n Mary) W i t h this as our b a ckground, it's a w o n d e r we've survived. While the c h i m p a n z e e b l i t h l y s h i f t s f r o m h e t e r o s e x u a l to h o m o s e x u a l to m a s t u r b a t i o n a l activities, we can only wonder w h a t all the fuss has been about. It's time to t a k e a n o t h e r d e e p b r e a t h ... a n d a n o t h e r , and l o o k at o u r s e l v e s . An a p p r e c i a t i o n , a w o n d e r , a r e s p e c t f o r w h a t is o b s e r v e d in n a t u r e c a n a l l o w u s to u n d e r s t a n d o u r own nature r e f l e c t e d so s i m p l y a n d h o n e s t l y in the p l a n t and a nimal kingdom. W h a t are the i m p l i c a t i o n s of n a t u r e s b i - s e x u a l i t y for human beings? THE HUMAN BEING T h e ecological f u n c t i o n o f g a y a n d b i - s e x u a l i t y i n p l a n t 6 a n d a n i m a l s h a s its c o u n t e r p a r t s in h u m a n r e l a t i o n s . Freer a daptation of our gay and bi-sexual nature would crea t e a m ore balanced, and h a r m o n i o u s environment. In s i m p l e r s o c i e t i e s b i - s e x u a l i t y w a s o f t e n a r e s p e c t e d a n d an i n t e g r a t e d a s p e c t of e v e r y o n e life and w as h o n o r e d in c e r e m o n y . H o m o s e x u a l and l e s b i a n r e l a t i o n s h i p s exi s t e d freely. These bonds were condidered relevant with or without sexual expression, and engendered sentiment, f r i e n d s h i p and l o y a l i t y w i t h i n the social structure. The c o - h e s i v e q u a l i t i e s of o ur bi-s e x u a l n a t u r e w e r e e m p h a s i z e d in t h e ^ r e s e a r c h a nd writing of England's Edward Carpenter (1844-1929). C a r p e n t e r s u g g ested that c o o p e r a t i o n and the d e m o c r a t i c ideal f l o u r i s h e d as a r e s u l t of gay and bi-sexuality. G a y r e l a t i o n s h i p s in par t i c u l a r provided a sense of comradship. C a r p e n t e r felt that b i - s e x u a l i t y s erves as a cosmic g lue w h i c h keeps love and har m o n y w i t h i n the c o mmunity. An i n t e r e s t i n g p r i m i s e on s e x u a l i t y is p r e s e n t e d in K u r t V o n n e g u t ' s S L A U G H T E R H O U S E F I V E . In this " f a n t a s t i c " a c count, a l i e n s v i s i t the e a r t h a n d a r e i n s t a n t l y a b l e to r e c o g n i z e s e v e n s e x u a l i t i e s t h a t a l l o w l i f e to e x i s t . T h r e e of t h e s e s e x u a l i t i e s w e r e h o m o s e x u a l i t y in m a l e s , h e t e r o s e x u a l i t y , a n d w o m e n o v e r s i x t y - f i v e (w h o moved into a d i f f e r e n t sexual energy; like the e x a m p l e of the cro n e hen). The fourth s u g g e s t i o n here w as that t hese sexual affinities provided a fourth dimensional,

Giraffe bulls enjoy pay foreoiay . . . Sair) T h o r e a u o f the a s e x u a l p o l y p o d y f o r m "The b a r e outline o f me s t r a n g e l y "

the

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From the p r e c e e d i n g we can a s s u m e that h o m o Â s e x u a l i t y is nature's e c o l o g i c a l / p o l y a d a p t i v e i n s t r u m e n t in 1) p r o t e c t i o n o f the y o u n g a nd s o m e t i m e s d i s a b l e d m e m b e r s of an a n i m a l gro u p 2) p r o t e c t i o n o f t h e c o l o n y a s a w h o l e ( as in t h e g r a y l a g g e e s e ) 3) p o p u l a t i o n c o n r o l ( s p e r m b e i n g t a k e n o u t o f c i r c u l a t i o n ) 4) a c o h e s i r e n e s s w h i c h u n i t e s grou p s into c o o p e r a t i o n ( i e., b u i l d i n g s h e l t e r , h a r m o n i o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p s ) 5) a c a t a l y s t to a c t s o f c o u r a g e 6) a l t r u i s t i c b e h a v i o r f o r community well-being. I m a g i n a t i v e s e x u a l i t y is a l s o r e f l e c t e d in the a n i m a l k i n gdom. Sea snails create a sexual s c u l p t u r e d u ring m a t i n g season. One s n a i l m o u n t s a n o t h e r , d o n a t e s i t s s p e r m -a t h ird s n ail m o u n t s the s e c o n d and d o n a t e s its sperm. T h e s e v e n t h s n a i l c o m p l e t e s t he circle. The sli p p e r limpet begins as a male and bec o m e s a female. L i m p e t s s e t t l e on each o t h e r , o n e o n t o p o f t he o t h e r . The older

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l i m p e t s o n th e b o t t o m b e c o m e f e m a l e ; t he y o u n g e r o n e s o n top, m a l e . Those limpets e n j o y i n g t he m i d d l e a r e an i n t e r m e d i a t e sex. S e x - c h a n g e a l s o o c c u r s in s c h o o l s o f c l e a n e r fis h. W h e n the m a l e c l e a n e r f i s h d i e s , the d o m i n a t e female c h a n g e s h e r sex. Tropical m a r i n e f i s h a l s o s u r v i v e by a s e x c h a n g e

e t h e r i c e n e r g y t hat a l l o w e d the m a t e r i a l p l a n e to e x i s t a n d an " a t m o s p h e r e " f o r b i r t h to o c c u r . A l t h o u g h t h i s a c c o u n t is f i c t i o n a l , it is f a i r l y e a s y to s e e i t s f i n e r i m p l i c a t i o n s f o r o u r innate bisexuality. L e s b i a n a n d g a y s e x u a l i t y as a n a t u r a l , b i o l o g i c a l a n d p s y c h o l o g i c a l e x p r e s s i o n is e x p l o r e d i n t h e S e t h b o o k by J a n e R o b e r t s NATURE OF THE PSY C H E . T h e b o o k is s t r a i g h t f o r w a r d in s t a t i n g t h a t w e a r e b l e s s e d w i t h a spec t r u m of sexual expressions, and that h e t e r o s e x u a l i t y and h o m o s e x u a l i t y are "exaggerated versions of natural inclinations." I f a l l s e x u a l a c t i v i t y l e d to c h i l d b i r t h t h e r e w o u l d be p l a n e t a r y catastr o p h y . The book i m p l i e s t hat a c c e p t a n c e and a p p r e c i a t i o n of our b i s e x u a l i t y ( h o w e v e r w e c h o o s e to e x p r e s s t h a t s e x u a l c o n t a c t is m e r e l y o n e w a y o f g i v i n g l o v e ) w o u l d c u r t a i l v i o l e n c e , m u r d e r , sex crimes; the i n t e g r i t y of the p a r e n t - c h i l d r e l a t i o n s h i p w o u l d be s t r e n g t h e n e d . The book s t a t e s t h a t it is o u r b i s e x u a l n a t u r e t h a t a l l o w s f r a m e w o r k s as t h e clan, t r i b e , g o v e r n m e n t a n d c i v i l i z a t i o n to e x i s t . Energy t h a t is t r a n s m i t t e d f r o m p e r s o n to p e r s o n g e n e r a t e s a s e n s e o f w e l l - b e i n g in the h u m a n community. The denial of our bisexuality bl o c k s the flow of this energy. B i s e x u a l i t y is the b ase for c o o p e r a t i o n and c u l t u r a l and cross-cultural interaction.

Once again we take a breath. Everything around u 8 t a k e s a b r e a t h too. I n d i v i d u a l l y we are i n v o l v e d w i t h the h e a l i n g p r o e e s s of our sexuality. THE H E ALING PROCESS ( Two suggested processes using self-observance) Homophobia: fe ar, a n g e r , d i s g u s t etc. , t o w a r d s h o m o s e x u a l i t y , h a s s t r o n g r o o t s in o u r l i v e s t h a t are r e - i n f o r c e d by the media, r e l i g i o n s , p o l i t i c s , m e d i c i n e , s c i e n c e and education. H o w one g o e s a b o u t " l e t t i n g go" of what has been learned about h o m osexuality in volves a healing process. It is u p to e a c h i n d i v i d u a l to f i n d a p r o c e s s to d e s t r o y the ideas and images w h i c h block the w e l l - s p r i n g of our bi-sexual nature. An e x c e l l e n t p r o c e d u r e h a s b e e n d e v e l o p e d in t he l a s t ten y e a r s at B e r k e l e y ' s P s y c h i c Institute. H e a ling processes they use are u s e are d e s c r i b e d in A m y W a l l a c e ' s i n f o r m a t i v e b o o k PSYCHIC HEALING. One meditative process i n v o l v e s ! T) s i t t i n g , o b s e r v i n g , k e e p i n g a m u s e d (humor has great t r a n s f o r m a t i v e a b i l i t i e s ) v i s u a l i z e a " g r o u n d i n g cord" from t h e s p i n e ( o v a r i e s f o r w o m e n ) to t h e c e n t e r o f t h e e a r t h 2) b r e a t h i n g d e e p l y , b r i n g y o u r a u r a c l o s e to t h e b o d y ( s i m p l y by s u g g e s t i o n ) a n d s w e e p all p l a c e s and fac e s out of y o u r m i n d (y o u r t e r r i t o r y ) 3) p u t u p a r o s e w i t h i t s own " g r o u n d i n g c o r d " to t he c e n t e r o f t h e e a r t h ( t h e r o s e a c t s as a b u f f e r to g r o u n d e n e r g y that enters y o u r space from the "outside")

4) p u t u p a n o t h e r r o s e w i t h a " g r o u n d i n g c o r d " to t h e e a r t h ' s c e n t e r a n d p l a c e i n t o t h i s

"The Secret" (Rodin) shows the ingredient which generates well-being in the hurafi co’-nuni tvt touch A3

to t h e e a r t h ’s c e n t e r a n d p l a c e i n t o t h i s second rose a n y p i c t u r e s t h a t c o m e to m i n d that create feelings of h o m o p h o b i a (from your c h i l d h o o d , w h a t m o m said, w h a t f r i e n d s said, w h a t y o u rea d in books, w h a t you he a r d at church, m e d i a images, w h a t you tell y o u r s e l f ! ) 5) o n c e t h e r o s e h a s s w a l l o w e d u o a l l t he h o m o p h o b i c g a r b a g e , B L O W IT UP! ' Y o u d o n ' t n e e d homophobia. L o o k closer. Any hetero-phobia l u r k i n g in the s h a d o w s ? B l o w it u p too! You don't need heterophobia. H ave fun u s i n g this process. T h e m o r e h u m o r y o u a l l o w for, t h e m o r e e f f e c t i v e the h e a l i n g . Use your i m a g i n a t i o n to c r e a t e y o u r " g r o u n d i n g c o r d "

(ie., a s h a f t o f s i n g i n g l i g h t ) . This p r o c e s s can b e u s e d w h e n e v e r s e p a r a t i n g p i c t u r e s , t h o u g h t s , f e e l i n g s c o m e to m i n d . It's o n - t h e - s p o t c o n s c iousness work. The p r o c e s s c a n b e u s e d to d e s t r o y a n y i m a g e s a n d i d e a s t h a t d o n o t b e l o n g to y o u ; images that t a k e a w a y y o u r c l a r i t y , wisdo» a n d n a t u r a l abilities. You are h e a l i n g y o u r s e l f and you d o n ’t h a v e to p a y a c e n t ! T h e r e - p r o g r a m m i n g m e t h o d s d e s c r i b e d in K e n Keyes H A N DBOOK TO A HIGHER CONSCIO U S N E S S are als o e x c e l l e n t T n l e t t i n g go of a c c u m u l a t e d p rogramming picked up since childhood. Aftera c k n o w l e d g i n g a s e p a r a t i n g t h o u g h t , r e p l a c e it w i t h a r e p r o g r a m m i n g p h r a s e t h a t is m o r e a c c e p t i n g a n d g r a c i o u s a n d f e e l s c o m f o r t a b l e to to y o u . S a y it o v e r and over. This healing process t a k e s t i m e . Be g e n t l e w i t h y o u r s e l f . The h o m o - h o b e and h e t e r o - p h o b e i nside you have to be g e n t l y , l o v i n g l y n u d g e d to t h e i r f u n e r a l ! 1T h e u s e o f r e - p r o g r a m m i n g p h r a s e s is a d y n a m i t e aid. A t t i m e s it s e e m s l i k e c h i p p i n g a w a y a t an i c e b e r g o f gunk, bu t as the two m e n t i o n e d p r o c e s s e s m a k e c l e a r , t h e h e a l i n g is in y o u r h a n d s . No o n e c a n d o it f o r y o u . Your e f f o r t s m a k e a l l t h e d i f f e r n c e in y o u r w o r l d . W i t h t h e o p e n i n g o f t h e d o o r s to o u r n a t u r a l i n s t i n c t s a n d o u r b i - s e x u a l h e r i t a g e , a c c e s s to t h e p s y c h e ' s g r e a t e r k n o w l e d g e a n d ’l n c r e a s e our creativity. W e feel the d i f f e r e n c e as w e keep love's v i t a lizing flow of energy going, m o m e n t by m o m e n t , f r o m p l a c e to face. The i m p l i c a t i o n here isn't that everyone have s e xual r e l a t i o n s w i t h male and female. Areas of sexual focus d u r i n g one's life are highly indi v i d u a l and capable of evolving within a p a r t i c u l a r view of the b i -sexual landscape. Expressing our bi-sexuality with heart-felt wor d s , music, art, dance, play, humor, aff e c t i o n , s e n s u a l i t y - - f i n d i n g o u r o w n w a y to c o l o r o ur w o r l d as we tune into our hearts and find o u r p e r s o n a l f o c u s w i t h i n the s p e c t r u m of sexuality. F rom that focus we look a b o u t and see all the di f f e r e n t , m u t u a l l y exclusive, yet connected heartsongs. Songs of many hearts. Ah! T h i s i s w h a t I c a n g i v e to l i f e . T h i s is w h a t I c a n g i v e to y o u . T h i s is w h a t I can g i v e to m y s e l f . Our transformation becomes m a n y f o l d e h e n o u r w o r k is s h a r e d , t h r o u g h d r e a m s a n d f i n e r n e t w o r k s to o u r o t h e r " s e l v e s " . H e r e i n lies the p o l i t i c a l a s p e c t of consciousness work — c o m m u n i c a t i o n of w h a t we o f w h a t w e d o is f e l t by t h e w o r l d c o m m u n i t y in a myriad of ways. Jane Robert's PSYCHIC P O L I T I C S e x p l o r e s h o w a l t e r a t i o n s in o u r c oncept of selfhood releases other i n formation to b e a r o n t h e w o r l d w e k n o w a n d a c t i v a t e s n e w "body responses and corporeal surprise." Our c o n s c i o u s n e s s e v o l v e s and d w e l l s i n t o "a n e w p lace" that no l o n g e r feeds old t r a d i t i o n s and institutions. T h e r e Ls g r e a t p o w e r i n w h a t w e do . Breathing i n t o o u r b i - s e x u a l n a t u r e , h o n o r i n g it, a p p r e c i a t i n g it, b r e a t h i n g o u t w h a t i s n ' t o u r s , l e t t i n g go and d e s t r o y i n g blocks; we come c l o s e r to h e a t i n g o u r h e a r t — o u r dong. We c o m e c l o s e r to c h a n g i n g a l l w o r l d s to w h i c h w e belong. S h i n i n g t h r o u g h all that was.

The hardest part of astral projection is stay ing awake and aware. The conscious nind has a habit of slipping into sleep at the point of separation; know this and be aware. There are many techniques used in astral projection, and all of them work. It's just which ever one works for you. The techniques vary from extend ing the astral body a few centimeters through the top of the head, hold, then back to normal. Then a few centimeters through the bottom of the feet, hold, then back to normal. Repeating this several times and each time increasing the dis tance. Finally, out through the top of the head. A similar technique is rocking the astral body back and forth, in and out of the physical body. To begin preparation, find a very comfortable place to lie down. Lay flat on your back with your arras at your side and legs straight. A pillow may be used to support your head. The reason for this position is simply this, you are going to relax - fully relax - and you can not do this if you are using your muscles to support yourself in any way. Once you are in position, tighten up every muscle in your body and hold your body and concentrate all your thoughts on what you are doing. Do not let them wander.

I refer to the art of astral projection as the controlled projection of the astral body from the physical body. By "controlled projection" 1 do not refer to the projection that takes place during sleep and often unreaeabered, but rather of the fully intentional awake/aware projection.

To start the breathing exercise, inhale slowly through your nose to the count of seven, hold for the count of seven, exhale slowly through your mouth to the count of seven. Inhale again without pausing and keep repeating. The count of seven may be altered to best suit you. The purpose of this is to relax and slow down the body. After a while, depending on you, you will no longer need to count. It will be your na tural rhythm. Once you have established a breathing rhythm, and start to feel relaxed, close your eyes and concentrate on the toes or either leg, relaxing them fully as possible.

The astral body, commonly known as the soul, is perhaps the fabric which envelopes pure con sciousness such as the physical body is the fabric which envelopes the astral body. The physical body has been refered to as "the vehicle of the soul" or better phrased, "the vehicle to this plane". What is commonly known as the "silver cord" is the flowing life energy that links the astral to the physical and the physical to the astral. Before projection, one must be prepared for the slight oddities such as viewing the physical body froa the astral body and also the more pro found oddities such as realising that you are not that physical body.

when you feel them relaxed, move up to the foot and do the same. Then move up to the ankle, calf, knee, thigh and then the other leg. Work your way up your body relaxing and letting go of every muscle as you go along. When you have finished, realize that you can relax even fur ther and repeat the process.

Upon projection, one must not try but rather let it happen. If the desire to project is so great you nay be weighted down by that desire. Just let it go and let it happen. During projection, be aware that you are responsible for your own thoughts. For example, way you hava a whim to see what it would be like on Mars...you may find yourself on you way there at such an in credible speed that if you are not prepared, you may panic and snap back to your body, and the impact of the whole ordeal may leave you feeling very frightened. Do not fear being unable to find your body again; remember that you have a direct energy flow to your body.

When you feel you have relaxed to your fullest extent without falling asleep, then it is tine for the segment process. Once again, concen trate on either leg, but this time will the astral counterpart to shift slightly above the physical leg. Keep relaxing that part until it rises. Then the other leg, working your way up your body. When you feel as though you are floating, just above your body, you are free to rise and fly.

Upon returning to your body remember to re-enter slowly. Snapping back or returning very quick ly is rather abrupt and a shock to your body.

If you may, take a look at your physical body and realize indeed, you are experiencing reali ty. Happy flight and may we meet on the other side.

Astral projection should not be made for any negative purposes as it could attract more ne gativity. Fear is also a negative energy field. There is nothing to fear but fear itself...do not fear and you are on your way, and ready for anything .

Please feel free to correspond with me if you have any other questions. Tim Leahy PO Box 63 McHenry, IL 60050

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I. H. Poustinik is a psuedonym. A poustinik is a holy man, originally from the Russian Orthodox tradition, whose life of prayer and service draws him into many places and situations where heal ing and wholeness are desired. He is present and then he is absent. tdien present his task is to focus the healing Presence of the Uord God in that situation, even though the Divine Name may not be spoken. His personal identity is hidden because the accidents of his own life are less impor tant than the healing truth he brings. It is my hope that these Reflections, this View Prom Here may be in that tradition. What I have to say may reflect some of your own thought* and feelings or it may be a view from a place you have never been. However, it is my hope that this View will bring light, joy and truth to you as you reflect more deeply on the view from your place.

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Indeed, no one becomes involved in getting better unless there is some pressure to break down the walls of denial and blame. Begging, pleading and accusations never work. What is necessary is to love enough to call it as It is. If we in the gay community find a brother or sister becoming dependent (leaning upon) the bottle/pills/needle we have a responsibility to gently but firmly move them into treatment. They may well be counterdependent (leaning against) - fighting and kicking, promising and blaming. They will eventually become in dependent (standing alone) and finally inter dependent (standing together). Ws can help in this process by being interdependent with them- standing together in dignity, integrity and pride) proud to be gay, proud to be human, proud to be a fairy, proud to be responsible.

Take fear, anxiety, and anger; add insecurity and a bit of helplessness and hopelessness; ■ix in massive doses of denial (there is no problem) and blame (if there is, it's not my fault); cook slowly in an overcrowded bar where various kinds of meat (including yours) are on display. You have a perfect recipe for disaster 1 Too much will be drunk, again. V a rious kinds of drugs will be offered, pushed and used, again. The insecure, inadequate and afraid will become victims, again. Alcoholism and drug abuse, sometimes called substance abuse or chemical dependency, will have grown, again. The gay community and the users and their families are in ever growing danger, again. Having worked for 11 years with alcoholics and their families in a variety of settings, and being close to the gay community, let me assure you (if such is needed) that alcoholism and drug abuse are significant problems in our society. They are a problem in all communities, afflicting up to 10% of the population. In the gay community this percentage may be even up to 15%. The issue is not drinking or drugs, per se, but using these stfcstances in responcible ways, ways that are not self-destructive to us and/or those whose lives are closely linked with ours.

Treatment invloves accepting responsibility for ourselves and beginning a lifelong process of integrating the various aspects of ourselves into ever sore joyful and thankful whole per sons. It may include hospitalization for de toxification and/or an inpatient cycle of care. It will surely require active involvement in an ongoing support group such as may be found in most communities) the local alcoholism/drug program, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Alcoholics Together, Narcotics Anonymous, A1-Anon and in patient aftercare programs. From the gay community itself such groups as Integrity (At lanta and nationally), CJ-08BR (Asheville) and Running Water Farm and the network of radical fairies may be of significant help.

There is a way out of this disastrous situation. It is never easy, but it is possible. The re cipe for success begins by becoming responsi ble for our own behavior, by having enough pride in our own personhood to no longer al low ourselves to be brutalized, babied and be littled. For our parents, friends, lovers and spouses it means using a "tough love" approachTLC (tender loving coercion) - loving enough to require active involvement in treatment.

If we care enough for ourselves and our brothers and sisters in the gay community, let us care enough for those caught in the trap of addic tions (drinker, junkie and family equally) to support them with the "tough love" that will' enable them to become responsible adult members of our community, the world!

BOOK REVIEWS NEEDED What books have you read re cently that other subscribers would like to know about? 1 o i 0 I 0 i Reflections of a Rock Lobster by Aaron Fricke A l y s o n P u b l i c a t i o n s , 1981. $4.95

(pbk)

"My f a t h e r s a i d to m e , 'S i x w e e k s a go I n e v e r t h o u g h t I 'd b e s i t t i n g in a r e s t a u r a n t w i t h a hom o s e x u a l tel l i n g h i m that I loved h i m . ' Six w e e k s earlier he p r o b a b l y w o u l d n ' t h a v e expect ed to h e a r a h o m o s e x u a l s a y t h e s a m e t h i n g b a c k to h i m . " (p. 94)

Have mass media reviews of your favorite/most despised books left you feeling frustrated, even outraged? Try your hand at restoring those titles to the glory (or the obscurity) they deserve. Write soon to help make RFD subscribers aware of the books that have made an impression on you.

T h i s n o v e l is a t r u e s t o r y f i l l e d w i t h w a r m t h , c o u r a g e , a n d is so r e m a r k a b l y w r i t t e n th a t I c o u l d n o t p ut it d o w n u n t i l f i n i s h e d . T e a r s c a m e to m y e y e s f o r o n e o f m y e a r l i e s t f a n t a s i e s h a d b e c o m e a r e a l i t y f or the a u t h o r , a y o u n g m a n in h i g h s c h o o l w h o h a s the d r e a m o f g o i n g to h i s p r o m w i t h a l over. T h i s is a s t o r y of g r o w i n g up g a y in t he s e v e n t i e s . A m o v i n g p e r s o n a l s t o r y I r e c o m m e n d to e v e r y o n e . It s h o u l d be in e v e r y h i g h sc h o o l l i b r a r y . B o o k s like t h i s w i l l h e l p t h o s e w h o a re t r o u b l e d k n o w th a t t h e y a r e n ' t al o n e . --CrLt

Anyone interested should write tos Kevin Cox, 311 Castro St., San Francisco, CA 94114. Con tributors in spedific subject areas are en couraged to indicate your area(s) of interest/ expertise--living on the land, holistic/herbal■ ist healing, history/politics, spirituality, fiction, etc. You can submit reviews of, or propose for review, new titles (or old ones deserving renewed attention), as well. Your prose will be handled with care.

I o I o I o I V o r t e x / A Journal of N ew Vision $7/four issues or $ 1 . 7 5 / s i n g l e copy P.0. B o x 1 1622, S a n F r a n c i s c o 9 4 1 0 1 At a t i m e w h e n m a n y p e o p l e a r e d i s c u s s i n g the p o s s i b i l i t i e s o f n e w c u l t u r e , V o r t e x is c r e a t i n g it. C a l l i n g i t s e l f "a j o u r n a l o f n e w v i s i o n , " V o r t e x exp l o r e s and e x tends the b o u n d a r i e s of c r e a t i v e p r o c e s s a n d e x p e r i e n c e . T h e s t y l e is simple, direct and coherent; the con t e x t b oth l i t e r a r y a n d v i s u a l . V o r t e x c u t s t h r o u g h the f o r m a t o f m o r e t r a d i t i o n a l a rt j o u r n a l s , p r e s enting the best ideas and c o n c e p t s of c o n t e m p o r a r y a r t i s t s . T h e r e is n o v e n e e r o f a c a d e m i a ( h o o r a y ! ) , the s u r f a c e is n o t p o l i s h e d to a h i g h gl o s s . T h e c o n t e n t s e e m s to c o m e h o t f r o m t he fire, s t i l l s m o k i n g a n d i r i d e s c e n t .

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The 21st Century Do-It-Yourself Health Coniro 1 TTanuaT T y Cl TTF Cannon tin (avail able from Cin Publications, P.0. Box 11277, San Francisco, California 94101) is a book let "designed for advanced self health and instructing individuals in personal con trol over health, longevity, youthfulness and wellbeing".

V o r t e x r e e s t a b l i s h e s the v i t a l , c u l t u r a l l i n k s b e t w e e n art, s p i r i t a n d p o l i t i c s . T o p r i m i t i v e man, there w e r e no d i s t i n c t i o n s of a r t i s t / h e a l e r / p r i e s t / m a g i c i a n . He w a s one w h o h a d b e e n in the presence of the Great Spirit, could therefore " c o m mand" hir image, and thus p e t i t i o n hir p r e s e n c e t h r o u g h art, s o ng, d a n c e a n d r i t u a l . It has n e v e r b e e n t h e a i m o f m y t h to p l a c e e x p e r i e n c e b e y o n d the g r a s p o f m a n ; r a t h e r , it s e e k s to place m a n w i t h i n the grasp of experience. Our f r i e n d s at V o r t e x a r e p o s t - n u c l e a r a l c h e m i s t s o f the h i g h e s t d e g r e e .

The book unfortunately lacks page num bers, or an index or a table of contents, and some readers will be repulsed by the European rejuvenation methods of injecting "embryo soup" made from calf, sheep and egg embryos(documented information) to restore "vigor". There is also an incorrect reference made for using doxycycline to pre vent motion sickness--it can, however, be used to prevent (controversially) diarrhea caused by coliform bacteria in contaminated food and water (Montezuma's Revenge).

Pa s t i s s u e s h a v e c o n t a i n e d i n t e r v i e w s w i t h S t a r h a w k (author of The Spiral D a n c e ) , H a r r y H a y and D oor Legg. A lso f e a t u r e d h a v e b e e n a rtists Camille O'Grady, C o r n e l i a R eich and L o u Randlophall o f w h o m f o c u s o n a rt p r o c e s s as m a g i c a l o r p s y c h i c e x p e r i e n c e . T h e l a t e s t i s s u e (#3, S u m m e r , '81) c o n t a i n s a n i n c r e d i b l e a r t i c l e b y D e a n G e n g l e , "Futurism and Neo-Shamanism." Dean examines the a r t i s t as s h a m a n , as w e l l as h i r s o c i a l r o l e as a c u l t u r e - f o r g e r . A f t e r r e a d i n g it, y o u m a y n e v e r a g a i n be a b l e to c o n c e i v e of art as a n y thing short of t r ansmutation.

But there is great information about vit amins and minerals for specific cures for such as body odor, leg cramps, urethritis, and sex ual potency, and there is information about foods for arthritis, stomach ulcers as well as information about herbs for treatment of a variety of ailments. There are tips for mind-body relaxation and as the subtitle states there are good rejuvenation tips as well as information on keeping the body in an optimal health state.

y o r t e x is a n i n v a l u a b l e s o u r c e a n d t o o l for a r t ists, w r i t e r s , t h i n k e r s , a n d m a g i c i a n s . It is inspiring and r e v e l a t o r y . . . a crucible and a t o u c h s t o n e . A s an a r t i s t w o r k i n g t h r o u g h the channels of psy c h i c vision, Vo r t e x a llayed any d o u b t s r e m a i n i n g in m y h e a d as to the v a l i d i t y o f n u m i n o u s e x p r e s s i o n . Do y o u r s e l f a f a v o r a nd c h e c k it out. But, I w i l l w a r n y o u b e f o r e h a n d . . . it w i l l c h a n g e y o u r m i n d .

There is additional information on homeremedies, natural healing, cosmetics and skin care and even recipes. All the infor mation in the book makes interesting con cise reading and would be a fine addition to any home health reference library. J . E . Stamps , P . D .

--Mel

Riley

BOOK

REVIE W

.....

T he C e l l u l o i d Closet: H o m o s e x u a l i t y by Vito Russo P u b l i s h e d b y H a r p e r a n d Row, 1981.

o n l y c o n c l u s i o n (that is, t h e i r s e t t i n g up h o u s e k e e p i n g t o g e t h e r in F l o r i d a ) w o u l d be a n a t h e m a to the g e n e r a l m o v i e - g o i n g p u b l i c . R i z z o m u s t d i e so the p u r i t y o f the f r i e n d s h i p m a y be p r e s e r v e d .

in t h e M o v i e s $7.95

(pbk)

In T h e C e l l u l o i d C l o s e t : H o m o s e x u a l i t y in the M o v i e s , V i t o R u s s o h a s a c c e p t e d the c h a l l e n g e of d e f i n i n g , d e c a d e - b y - d e c a d e , t he a t t i t u d e s o f f i l m m a k e r s t o w a r d h o m o s e x u a l i t y . O n the w h o l e he h a s d o n e a n a d m i r a b l e job. He w r i t e s c l e a r l y a n d h i s i d e a s a r e r e a d i l y u n d e r s t o o d . He h a s organized his stills chronologically; although, h i s a r g u m e n t s d r a w ad l i b i t u m f r o m o n e e r a ' s f i l m s o r o n e c o u n t r y ' s f i l m s to a n o t h e r ' s in o r d e r to m a k e h i s s a l i e n t p o i n t s . T h e r e i n li e s the w e a k n e s s o f T h e C e l l u l o i d C l o s e t . R u s s o m a y h a v e d o n e b e t t e r to c a t e g o r i z e h i s f i l m s a c c o r d i ng to t he " b u d d y f i l m " g e n r e , the " s i s s y s t e r o t y p e " g e n r e , et c. a n d in t h o s e c a t e g o r i e s t r e a t t he f i l m s c h r o n o l o g i c a l l y . F o r e x a m p l e , o ne f i n d s T e a a n d S y m p a t h y , r e a l l y a w e a k film, m e n t i o n e d i n t e r m i n a b l y t h r o u g h o u t t he b o o k w h e n one t h orough d i s c u s s i o n of that p a r t i c u l a r film would have sufficed.

R u s s o a l s o s h o w s th a t f i l m m a k e r s h a v e a l t e r e d the b i o g r a p h i e s of f a m o u s p e r s o n s w h o w e r e h o m o s e x u a l , s u c h as A l e x a n d e r t he G r e a t a nd M i c h a e l a n g e l o . F i l m m a k e r s , it m u s t be ad d e d , h a v e a l s o g l o s s e d o v e r the p r o m i s c u i t y of s t r a i g h t s , s u c h as B e n F r a n k l i n a n d C a t h e r i n e the G r e a t . T h e p o i n t is th a t f i l m h a s a l t e r e d the t r u t h a b o u t b o t h g a y s a n d s t r a i g h t s w h e n h a r d c o r e f a c t s c o l l i d e w i t h b o x o f f i c e f i c tion. Not o n l y has Russo i n v e s t i g a t e d cinema's t r e a t m e n t o f h o m o s e x u a l i t y , b u t he a l s o h a s r a i s e d prof o u n d quest i o n s r e garding gay lifestyles. A g r e a t s e g m e n t of A m e r i c a is p r e j u d i c e d a g a i n s t q u e e r s , b u t t h a t s e g m e n t is a l s o i n t o l e r a n t of B l a c k s , J e w s , the e l d e r l y , the i n f i r m , the fat, the u n a t t r a c t i v e , a n d the s t u p i d . P e r h a p s , w h a t e m e r g e s f r o m R u s s o ' s b o o k is that t h e r e can t r u l y be n o f i l m d e a l i n g w i t h h o m o s e x u a l s , or w i t h B l a c k s , J e w s , e t c . ; t h e r e c an o n l y b e f i lms dea l i n g w i t h p e o p l e m a k i n g moral decisions, e v e n w h e n t h o s e d e c i s i o n s r un c o u n t e r to the current of society.

He a l s o m a y h a v e c h o s e n to d e a l w i t h f i l m s i n v o l v i n g h o m o s e x u a l s in a n o t h e r w a y , i.e. h o w the h o m o s e x u a l a c t i v i t y o f a c h a r a c t e r a f f e c t s the p l o t line. In m a n y f i l m s , the " p a n s y " r o l e is i n s i g n i f i c a n t o r is e m p l o y e d for c o m i c r e l i e f , a n d in o t h e r f i l m s , s u c h as B o y s in the B a n d or C r u i s i n g , t h e h o m o s e x u a l i t y o f the c h a r a c t e r s is i n t e g r a l to t h e p l o t line.

Yes, r e a d R u s s o ' s book. It is p r o v o c a t i v e a n d i n f o r m i n g . T h e s t i l l s tell the s t ory. If on e f e e l s he is an u n d e r t r o d d e n gay, he m a y i n d u l g e h i m s e l f in the m y t h t h a t f i l m h a s s o m e h o w c heated h i m e x c l u s i v e l y of a m e a n i n g f u l Identity. T h e n on S u n d a y a r o u n d e l e v e n w h e n the c o f f e e is b e i n g p o u r e d a n d the c h i t - c h a t t u r n s to last n i g h t ' s t r i c k ( s ) , he m a y a s k h i m s e l f if film h as b e e n th a t u n f a i r a f t e r all.

BOOK

In r e g a r d to t h e b u d d y f i l m g e n r e , R u s s o m a k e s his strongest p o i n t s c o n c e r n i n g h o m o p h o b i a on t h e p a r t o f f i l m p r o d u c e r s w h o , in f i l m a f t e r fi lm , s e n d b u d d i e s i n t o the a r m s o f w o m e n in o r d e r th a t t h e m e n m a y r e m a i n m a s c u l i n e . As R u s s o sa y s a b o u t M i d n i g h t C o w b o y , o n c e o ut of th e s t r u g g l e o f N e w Y o r k , w h e n J o e B u c k a n d R a t s o R i z z o w o u l d b e l e f t to t h e m s e l v e s , the

--John Alexander

Lesbians, Gay M e n and T h e i r Alco h o l and Oth e r D r u g Use: R e s o u r c e s by Susan C h ristenson and Gayle Ihlenfeld P u b l i s h e d by W i s c o n s i n C l e a r i n g h o u s e for A l c o h o l a n d O t h e r D r u g I n f o r m a t i o n (Univ. of W i s c o n s i n H o s p i t a l & C l i n i c s , 1 9 5 A E. W a s h i n g t o n A v e . , M a d i s o n , W I 5 3 7 0 4 ) . W r i t e to t he C l e a r i n g h o u s e for p r i c e . R e s o u r c e s is d e s i g n e d p r i m a r i l y f o r t r e a t m e n t staff and a l c oholism counselors, sensitizing t h e m to th e n e e d s o f l e s b i a n s / g a y m e n a n d h o w m e n's and w o m e n ' s n e eds differ. The thirtyo n e a n n o t a t i o n s d e s c r i b e p a m p h l e t s , fi l m s , a r ticles from professional literature, awareness m a t e r i a l s for n o n - g a y p e r s o n s , a n d n a t i o n a l resources. C h r i s t e n s o n and Ihlenfeld have s u c c e s s f u l l y c o r r e c t e d f or t h e h i s t o r i c a l i n v i s i b i l i t y of l e s b i a n s in t r e a t m e n t l i t e r a t u r e by s e l e c t i n g a m a j o r i t y of res o u r c e s w i t h a lesbian o r c o - s e x u a l f ocus. A n d t he a u t h o r s h a v e w i s e l y r e m i n d e d c o u n s e l o r s t h a t c l i e n t s are s e e k i n g h e l p to c h a n g e t h e i r s u b s t a n c e d e p e n d e n c y - - n o t their sexual preference. Topics addressed i n clude A A , staff training, group sessions, and i n v o l v i n g l o v e r s a n d f r i e n d s in the t r e a t m e n t process. L i s t i n g s are a c c o m p a n i e d by a w a r n i n g if s t e r e o t y p e s m a y be p e r p e t u a t e d in a n o t h e r w ise v a l u a b l e source. RFD readers c o ncerned w i t h alcohol and drug abuse can con f i d e n t l y r e c o m m e n d R e s o u r c e s to t r e a t m e n t p r o v i d e r s in y o u r c o m m u n i t y , p a r t i c u l a r l y if s e r v i c e s n e e d e n c o u r a g e m e n t to e x p a n d a w a r e n e s s and d i s p l a y s e n s i t i v i t y to l e s b i a n a n d g a y m e n ' s i s s u e s . --K.M.

Drawn by Howard G i l l i g a n

Cox

Country y

Kitchen 3 1 1 1

Autumn is e time when we have tr: ditior.ally celebra ted the fruits and harvests of the Earth. What better way to celebrate Her * ifts than by giving thanks and partaking of them in f spirit of grati tude, love and sharing of fellowship. Here follows a few examples of fare simple and pleasing to eye and spirit, in celebration of Gaia's many [ifts to her many children.

a i e l r il e y WUICK PICKUPS

medium cucumbers, unp' eled and sliced thinly lar.-e onion, sliced thinly tablespoon dill tablespoon celery seed

Put all ingredients in a bowl, fill with vinegar and cover. Let sta o at room temperature for a few days. BEETS 1/2 cup honey 2 teaspoons cornstarch 1/3 cup vinegar 3/4 cup water 4 cups sliced beets 3 tables.-oons butter 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon tarragon Pepper, to taste

SWEET PCTATGE PIE

4 medium sweet potatoes 2 eggs 1/2 cup honey 1/2 teaspoon [round gin er 1/2 teaspoon ground cardomon 1/8 te. spoon ground cloves 1/2 cup chopped pecans 1 cup yo, urt

Combine all ingredie ts and simmer 1/2 hour. AP.LEo AND CARROTS 2 tablespoons butter 3 medium carrots, sliced in thin rings 2 medium apples, peeled an. sliced thinly 1/2 teaspoon mint 3 tablespoons honey

Cut potatoes in shuuks 8nd steam. Scoop from skins and rnaa.h. Beat eggs and add honey, spices, yogurt, potatoes and pecans, raising well. Pour into unbaked pie shell anu bake in oven at 350 oe rees for 1 hour and 15 minutes, or until toothpick inserteo in cen ter comes out clean.

Kelt outter; add carrots apples and mint. Simmer about 8 to 10 minutes. Acd honey and simmer a while longer.

Pit. uilbLL:

BAKED SqUASH

1 cup whole wheat pastry flour 1/ i t cup butter

2 lbs. yellow squash 1 cup chopped onion 1 clove garlic, minced 1/2 cup yogurt 1/4 up butter, sliced into pats 2 large eggs

Work together until consistency of coarse c o m m e a l . Add: 1/8 cup cold water 1 teaspoon vinegar

Cut unpeeled squash into small pieces and steam un til tender. Place squash in baking dish, adding butter, onion, and garlic. Combine milk and eggs and mix in well with squash. Bake at 45C decrees for about 20 minutes.

Add to flour mixture and mix we 1, eojusting con sistency (if too dry, add more water; if too wet, add more flour); rool out to circle and place ir. greased pie tin.

cabbage add cord

A very simple recipe, simply slice cabbage into i a r e chunks, ears of corn in halves. Then acd fresh dill anc paprika and steam all until ter.ae .

LiEA ol/Lir 1 1 0 . lima oeans 1/4 cup oil 3 scallions, sliced 4 st Iks celery, sliced in chunks 1 teaspoon cumin Soak beans overnight. Dr in and cover with fresh water. Add oil and simrer for about 2 hours. Then puree the bears in ble.der, return to pot and add enough water for creamy consistency. i dti scallions, elery and cumin and simmer another hour covered.

T lU a r l

e.n i a h u n .

H e r e ' s a f e w t h i n g s to t h i n k a b o u t at season: 1) M u l c h - v e r y i m p o r t a n t ! M u l c h i n g f e e d s t h e s o i l (and e a r t h w o r m s ) , m a i n t a i n s a c o n s t a n t so i l t e m p e r a t u r e a n d a l l e v i a t e s w e e d i n g . In t h e f a l l , n a t u r e s u p p l i e s a n a b u n d a n c e of m u l c h i n g m a t e r i a l s - l e a v e s , g a r d e n p l a n t s th at h a v e c o m p l e t e d t h e i r c y c l e , d r i e d g r a s s e s , etc. By t h r o w i n g leaves, grass c l i p pings and garden s c r a p s u n d e r a g o o d 6" h a y m u l c h , y o u c r e a t e a coraoost f o r t u r n i n g i n t o y o u r b e d s in the s p r i n g . I c o u l d go o n a nd o n a b o u t t he a d v a n t a g e s o f m u l c h i n g , b u t w i l l J u s t s a y It's an i m p o r t a n t to o l in a w e l l - b a l a n c e d g a r d e n . 2) P l a n t B u l b s - B u l b s a r e the f i r s t b l o o m i ng f l o w e r s o f t he s o r i n g , g i v i n g u s a t a s t e o f w h a t ' s to c o me. T h e y n e e d to be p l a n t e d in the fa l l b e c a u s e t h e y n e e d l o w e r t e m p e r a t u r e s to d e v e l o p s t r o n g r o o t s y s t e m s . T h e y d o a l o t

F a l l is t he s e a s o n w h e r e we m a n i f e s t a real s haring b e t w e e n the earth and ourselves. From all our work w i t h the gar d e n t h roughout the y e a r , t he g a r d e n s h a r e s i ts y i e l d . H a r v e s t i n g is a l w a y s a s a t i s f y i n g e x p e r i e n c e . Hav i n g an org a n i c g a r d e n d o e s n ' t end at h a r v e s t . It ' s a n o n g o i n g p r o c e s s c r e a t i n g a b a l a n c e b e t w e e n t h e s o il, p l a n t s a n d y o u r s e l f G o t to k e e p a l l t he d e v a s h a p p y . B a s i c a l l y , t h i s is t he f i r s t t i m e I ' v e w r i t t e n in R.F.D. and am e diting o r g a n i c g a r d e n i n g m a t e i a l . But, m y f a e r i e f r i e n d s , I n e e d m a t e r i a l f r o m y o u to edi t . I'd l i k e to s ee t h i s s e c t i o n o f R . F . D . b e c o m e a s h a r i n g of our garde n i n g t e chniques and experiences. I'm a l s o i n t o r e s e a r c h i n g a n y q u e s t i o n s y o u might have about organic gardening. Any feed b a c k o n w h a t y o u ' d l i k e to see h e r e is w e l c o me. In o u r g a r d e n the p a s t t h r e e y e a r s , w e ' v e b e e n u s i n g the F r e n c h - i n t e n s i v e m e t h o d - r a i s e d b e d s t h a t a r e w o r k e d to a d e p t h o f a t l e a s t t wo f e e t . T h i s m e t h o d w a s d e v e l o p e d b y A l a n C h a d w i c k . I f i n d i t to be a n e x c e l l e n t m e t h o d w h i c h aids in mak i n g y e a r l y g a r d e n i n g work easier. We also use a little of F i ndhorn's beli e f s by talking w i t h the plants and their u n i q u e d e v a s . P l a n t s a n d the e a r t h g e n e r a t e a l o t o f ,1oyful, h e a l i n g e n e r g y a n d i t ' s n i c e to m a k e t h a t c o n t a c t o n t h o s e w h a c k y d a y s . I h a v e j u s t s t a r t e d to c h e c k o u t R u d o l f Steiner's Biodynamic technique^, which fo cuses on using different composting methods a n d h e r b a l s p r a y s a n d l e a r n i n g h o w to r e v i t a l i z e soil and p l a n t ' s n u t r i t i o n t h r o u g h c o n t a c t w i t h t he e a r t h ' s e n e r g y . He w o r k e d t h i s o u t b a c k i n t he 2 0 ' s a n d 3 0 » s . I 'd be i n t e r e s t e d in h e a r i n g f r o m a n y o n e w h o ' s b e e n u s i n g h i s m e t h o d s . I' l l w r i t e a b o u t t h e s e d i f f e r e n t m e t h o d s i n t h e f u t u r e (or m a y b e y o u will).

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o f w o r k in the e a r l y s p r i n g a n d n e e d a l o t o f s u p p o r t f r o m t h e i r r o o t s . In a r e a s of f r e e z i n g t e m p e r a t u r e s , b u l b s s h o u l d be m u l c h e d f o r p r o t e c t i o n f r o m a l t e r n a t e f r e e z i n g and t h a w i n g so t h e y w o n ' t be u p r o o t e d . A l s o a g o o d soil m i x t u r e s h o u l d be p l a c e d a r o u n d b u l b s an d a t o u c h o f b o n e m e a l to h e l n p r o m o t e b l o o m . 3) P l a n t i n g T r e e s ( F r u i t a n d O r n a m e n t a l )R o o t s k e e p g r o w i n g u n t i l t he s o i l f r e e z e s a r o u n d t h e m . Fall n l a n t i n g h e l p s t r e e s get s e t t l e d in so t h a t t h e y c a n g r o w we l l in the s p r i n g . D i g b i g h o l e s for y o u r t r e e s a n d f i l l w i t h a go o d m i x t u r e o f soil a nd c o m p o s t . K e e p w a t e r i n g w e e k l y t i l l f r e e z i n g t e m p e r a t u r e s set in. T h i s a i d s in r o o t d e v e l o p m e n t . D o n ' t p r u n e back until spring before budding. k) H a r v e s t - C o l l e c t i n g l a t e g a r d e n v e g e t a b l e s , g a t h e r i n g h e r b s , r o s e - h i p s , etc., a n d c a n n i n g , d r y i n g a n d s t o r i n g f or w i n t e r us e . T h i s is j u s t a b r i e f d e s c r i p t i o n o f so m e f a l l g a r d e n w o r k , b a r e l y b r u s h i n g the s u r f a c e . I n e e d to h e a r f r o m y o u o n w h a t y o u ' d l i k e to s ee here! I'd l i k e to be m o r e i n - d e p t h o n s u b j e c t s , so l e t m e k n o w w h a t n e e d s to be f o c u s e d on. ENJOY THE EQUINOX

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' c w Photos by Roy Simmons

RFD: What e f f e c t have th e g a t h e r i n g s had on y o u r l i f e - '

RFD; How lo n g have you l i v e d in th e c o u n try ;

CLEAR: trem endous! th e most i m p o r t a n t e f f e c t h as been my e x p o su re to th e s i s s i e s & s e e i n g r a d i c a l e ffe m in is m b e in g l i v e d . t h e i r exam ple h a s e n a b le d me to t e n d e r l y n u r t u r e my own s i s s y s e l f which i had t r i e d to b lo c k fo r so many y e a r s , a ls o i r e a l i z e d t h a t i d id n o t have to go to the w est c o a s t to be around th e k in d o f f a g g o ts i l i k e to be a ro u n d , we g o t 'urn homegrown — r i t e h e re ! i do have some c a u t i o n a r y f e e l i n g s about the g a t h e r i n g s . such an e m o t i o n a l l y s e l f - s u f f i c i e n t , p r e d o m in a te ly w h i t e , e x c l u s i v e l y male s u p p o r t sy ste m would h o p e f u l l y be a c t i v e l y i n v o lv e d in s e l f - a n a l y s i s & s e l f - c r i t i c i s m in r e g a rd s to ra c ism 6 s e x is m , i d o n ' t se e t h a t h a p p e n in g .

CLEAR: most o f my l i f e . i waz b o m in '51 in new mexico & when i waz 2 my fa m ily moved to a l l s b o r o , a l a . to be c lo s e to my m o th e r 's m o th e r, we l i v e d in th e house t h a t my g r e a t - g r a n d m o t h e r ha d l i v e d in & th e woods were a l l aro u n d u s. i c o u ld w alk o u t th e back door & go fo r m ile s in th e woods. i t waz o u r p lay g ro u n d ( i have 2 o l d e r b r o t h e r s ) 6 my m other would tak e us f o r lo n g w alks in the woods. in th e f a l l w e 'd come home w ith bags f u l l o f m uscadines and b i c k e r n u t s . in 1965 my f a t h e r ' s f a t h e r d ie d & we moved to h u n t s v i l i e , a l a . ( p o p u l a t i o n a b t . 150.000) to be c lo s e to h i s m o th e r. i 'm g la d we moved to h u n t s v i l l e when i waz in e a r l y a d o le s c e n c e . d e a l i n g w ith my g a y n ess waz c o n fu s in g e n u ff in a s o u t h e r n c i t y . i d o n 't want to Imagine how much more c o n f u s in g i t c o u ld have been in the b a c k h i l l s of the r u r a l s o u t h . a y e a r a l t e r g i t t i n g o ut o f h ig h s c h o o l , i opened a b o o k s to re in h u n t s v i l l e c a l l e d "a good book s t o r e , my b r o t h e r , c h a r l i e , waz my p a r t n e r & a f t e r w e 'd done t h a t fo r 2 ^ y e a r s we s p l i t f o r th e t r o p i c s , we were bo th I n t o raw food d i e t s and we f e l t th e c a l l o f c e n t r a l utnerika. c h a r l i e l e f t a f t e r a month & i s t a y e d on fo r 5 more months t i l l i saw no hope o f the a lo n e n e s s c h a n g in g . in '75 i s e t t l e d back in h u n t s v i l l e w ith th e i n t e n t io n o f b u y in g land w ith c h a r l i e & h i s w ife & d a u g h te r , l a t e r t h a t y e a r we found t h i s p ie c e o f land up h e re in Cannes se e 6 we went in t o g e t h e r w ith a c o u p le we'<i nown for a long tim e & bought i t . c h a r l i e and h i s fa m ily s ta y e d for a b o u t a y e a r then moved back to h u n t s v i l l e , so fo r 6 y e a r s t h i s has been my home, when i moved o u t h e re the ironw eed waz bloom ing & now i t ' s f i x i n ' to bloom a g a i n . t h a t ' s how i ' ve alw ays marked th e a n n i v e r s a ry o f b e in g h e r e . 3 y e a r s ago i opened a n o t h e r b o o k s t o r e in h u n t s v i l l e (w hich is a b o u t 35 m ile s from h e r e ) 'c o z th e o r i g i n a l one burn e d down. i work 3 days a week th e re fo r which 1 draw a s a l a r y o f $50, b u t i 'm very com m itted to th e work & f i n d i t s a t i s f y i n g 6 f u l f i l l i n g .

RFD:

How have you d e a l t w i t h y our f e e l i n g s o f i s o l a t i o n ?

CLEAR: my m e d i t a t i o n c e r t a i n l y h e lp s & a l s o j u s t sim p ly s t a y i n g b u sy ; som e th in g t h a t ' s q u i t e e a s y to so when t h e r e ' s 1001 p r o j e c t s t h a t d e s p e r a t e l y need d o in g , ( i n f a c t , the p r e s s u r e o f d e a l i n g w ith t h a t i s a l s o some t h in g i ' v e had to come to term s w ith & f i n a l l y r e a l i z e t h a t a l l i can do i s a l l i can d o .) i spo z e one o f th e w o rs t ways t h a t my i s o l a t i o n a f f e c t e d me waz w ith o c c a s i o n a l b o u ts o f l e t h a r g y , which were accom panied by my f e e l i n g t h a t my work h e r e waz a l l b a s i c a l l y to a s e l f i s h e n d . And t h a t d i d n ' t seem h e a l t h y . i t h in k p e o p le sh o u ld l i v e t o g e t h e r , s h a r e & h e lp eac h o t h e r , c o m p a s s io n a te , c o n s t r u c t i v e c r i t i c i s m among p e o p le l i v i n g c o l l e c t i v e l y can b'e i n v a l u a b l e . the a u g u st '81 i s s u e o f b i g mama r ag (1724 g a y lo r d s t ., d e n v e r, c o lo . 80206 - 55c) h a s some im p o rta n t comments on t h a t on p .2 0 .

RFD: Do you f o r e s e e any o f t h i s s i t u a t i o n changing? CLEAR: i t ' s tim e fo r c h a n g e s. i ’ ve known f o r a lo n g time t h a t i f i w a z n 't w orking in town i w o u l d n 't keep s t a y i n g out h e re a lo n e . l i v i n g a lo n e in th e c o u n try has n e v e r been my i n t e n t i o n . I 'v e l i v e d a lo n e b e c a u s e no one l i v e d w ith me. b u t very r e c e n t l y i ' ve come to se e how my b u d d h i s t t r a i n i n g h as waned by l i v i n g a lo n e , c e r t a i n e a r l y i n s i g h t s have dimmed & c e r t a i n p r a c t i c e s have s l i p p e d away, i f 2 o r more p e o p le a re com m itted to l i v i n g a s p i r i t u a l l i f e t o g e t h e r they can d e f i n i t e l y keep each o t h e r more a w are. i ' v e w r i t t e n to a d e a r b u d d h is t f r i e n d & w e 'r e now in the p r o c e s s o f w orking out a rra n g e m e n ts f o r l i v i n g t o g e t h e r , w e 'r e n o t s u re where t h a t w i l l b e . . .

RFD:

Do you have many v i s i t o r s ?

CLEAR: d a r l i n ' , t h a t ' s one t h in g i can alm o st alw ays c o u n t on — no v i s i t o r s , some f o l k s have open i n v i t a t i o n s to come s e e me a n y tim e , b u t o t h e r than t h a t i d o n ' t i n v i t e j u s t anyone o ut h e r e . t h e r e a re s e v e r a l r e a s o n s , l o t s o f f o l k s w o u l d n 't f e e l c o m fo rta b le o u t h e re w ith no ru n n in g w a t e r , e l e c t r i c i t y , o r t e l e f o n e . my b e in g w i t h ou t c l o t h e s o r w e a rin g s k i r t s would p ro b a b ly f re a k o u t a l o t o f p e o p le and b e s i d e s i'm r e a l l y o v e r h a v in g to j u s t i f y my l i f e s t y l e o v e r & o v e r a g a i n . i d o n 't e x p e c t anyone e l s e to do the t h i n g s t h a t i do, b u t n o n e - t h e l e s s , i'm alw ays s u r p r i s e d by how many p e o p le f e e l

KFD: How have you made c o n n e c tio n s w ith o t h e r fa g g o ts .’ CLEAR: i ’ve answ ered a few ads & l e t t e r s & i w ro te o n e . go t some w ie rd o re s p o n s e s 6 a few ve ry f i n e f r i e n d s who i p ro b a b ly would n e v e r have met o t h e r w i s e , then i r e p l i e d t o m i i o 's l e t t e r ( y e a r s ago in RFD) & he and i became c l o s e f r i e n d s . t h r u him i came in c o n t a c t w ith the newly form ing fa g g o t n e tw ork in th e s o u t h e a s t , much o f which waz r u r a l & my f e e l i n g s o f i s o l a t i o n bagan to fade. 50

c h a l l e n g e d by Chat which i s d i f f e r e n t . Some p e o p l e 's q u e s t i o n s a r i s e b e c a u s e they r e a l l y w ant to l e a r n why i 4o what i do & t h a t ' s f i n e , b u t u s u a l l y i ' v e f o r g o t t e n my o r i g i n a l r e a s o n s . l i k e i c o u l d n 't e ven s t a r t t o t e l l u why i 'm a v e g e t a r i a n o r how i 'm s u r e i g i t a b a la n c e d (?) d i e t from raw fo o d s. i know i r e s e a r c h e d th o se t h in g s ve ry th o ro u g h ly a t one tim e & then i j u s t l e t the re a s o n s go & k e p t th e p r a c t i c e . th e few v i s i t o r s t h a t i do g i t (& th e few p e o p le t h a t i v i s i t ) u s u a l l y have ways s i m i l a r t o m ine. RFD: How h a s b e in g a B u d d h ist a f f e c t e d y o u r l i f e as a fa g g o t and a c o u n try p e rso n ? CLEAR: i know t h a t i t ' s k e p t a c e r t a i n p r i o r i t y i n m ind, above a l l e l s e , and i t ' s h e lp e d me r e a l i z e t h a t my rough l o n e l y tim e s can be used p o s i t i v e l y as an o p p o r t u n i t y to become a s t r o n g e r p e r s u n . i t h a s h e lp e d me i n t e g r a t e my s e x u a l i t y in w ith my t o t a l b e in g i n a more q u i e t , l e s s u r g e n t way. RFD: What e f f e c t h a s a raw foods d i e t had on y our g a rd e n in g ?

RFD: How would you d e s c r i b e y o u r l i f e on y o u r la n d ? CLEAR: w e l l , s i n c e i have 3 days a week in town i th in k i t makes me a p p r e c i a t e th e h e a l i n g q u i e t o u t h e r e , but a l s o i t c a u s e s me n o t to be an e a r l y r i s e r , i d o n 't alw ays g i t as much s l e e p as i need in town & i make up f o r i t ou t h e r e , th e f i r s t t h i n g i do when i g i t up is m e d i t a t e f o r a b o u t 35 m in u te s . then i do yoga and c le a n up the h o u s e . th en comes b r e a k f a s t & t h a t b r i n g s up a n o th e r s k i l l t h a t i ' v e l e a r n e d (& i d e f i n i t e l y c o n s i d e r i t a s k i l l ) : how to l i v e c o m fo rta b ly & c h e a p ly i n t h i s c li m a t e e a t i n g o n ly raw fo o d s , my d i e t h as been a lm o st 100% raw food f o r a b o u t 10 y e a r s . ( i ' d l i k e to recommend t h i s r e s o u r c e t o p e o p le who a re i n t e r e s t e d in raw fo o d s: th e s p r o u t l e t t e r , p . o . b. 10985, e u g en e , OR 97440. 1 y e a r / 6 i s s u e s - s u b s c r i p t i o n $8 o r $6 f o r low income)

CLEAR: w e l l , some type ol s o l a r g re e n h o u s e i s p r a c t i c a l l y a n e c e s s i t y f o r me in the w i n t e r . a l s o , i'm i n c l i n e d tow ard p e rm a c u ltu ro 6 t r e e c r o p s . i ' d llk> to grow as l a r g e ol a v a r i e t y o f f r u i t s 6 n u t s as w i l l grow in t h i s a r e a , s o m e th in g t h a t goes r i t e a lo n g w ith th at i s t h a t i e a t a l o t o f w ild fo o d s , which tend to he more n u t r i t i o u s th an c u l t i v a t e d o n e s . fo r i n s t a n c e , 1 n e v e r p l a n t l e t t u c e , i n s t e a d 1 eat: d a n d e lio n l e a v e s f> p a r s l e y , my main summer p l a n t i n g s a re s i l v e r queen c o r n , o k r a , to m a to e s , cukes 6 m elons, ru th s t o u t h as p ro b a b ly had more i n f l u e n c e on my g a rd e n in g th an anyone & a l s o the t r a n s m i t t e d w r i t i n g s from f i n d h o m . RFD: Do you m iss tilin g s l i k e ru n n in g w a te r and e le c tric ity ? CLEAR: o f c o u rse n o t . i f i d id I ' d have them, u n t i l 1965 i n e v e r had ru n n in g w a t e r & when l l i v e d In b e l i z e nobody had any o f t h a t s t u f f & o f c o u rs e nobody m isse d i t . t h o s e t h in g s a re l u x u r i e s ; t h e y ' r e not n e c e s s i t i e s , someday i ' d l i k e to have ru n n in g w a t e r w ith a hand pump & a b l e n d e r & f r e e z e r would be n i c e f o r some th e food p r e p a r a t i o n i d o , 4 i f i e v e r w ant them b a d ly e n u f f i ' l l l e a r n the te c h n o lo g y to have homemade e l e c t r i c i t y , bu t f o r now I 'm much h a p p i e r to keep i t s im p le ( v e r y ! ) . t h a t ' s one a d v a n ta g e i can se e ab o u t l i v i n g w ith l i k e minded p e o p le . a p r o j e c t l ik e homemade e l e c t r i c i t y c o u ld be much more f e a s i b l e . RFD:

D e s c rib e the p r o c e s s o f b u i l d i n g your h o u s e .

CLEAR: f i r s t waz d e c i d i n g on the l o c a t i o n - - somewhere t h a t c o u l d n ' t be se e n from ro a d s o r n e ig h b o r s ' h o u s e s , i d i d n ' t f e e l r i t e about b u i l d i n g in th e woods 'c o z they had been m essed w ith so much a lr e a d y t h a t i j u s t wanted to l e t 'urn b e . so i p ic k e d a p l a c e up on a h i l l in an o ld f i e l d b a ck e d by woods on th e e a s t and n o r t h .

RFD: What s k i l l s have you l e a r n e d in t h e s e p a s t few y e a rs ? CLEAR: i a lr e a d y knew how to g a rd en p r e t t y w e l l . i know £j l o t a b o u t f r u i t t r e e s now. t h e y ' r e p e rh a p s my main i n t e r e s t , i 'm a member o f the n o r t h am e ric a n f r u i t e x p l o r e r s , ( g r e a t o r g a n i z a t i o n ! f o r a y e a r ' s membership send $5 to NAFEX t r e a s u r e r , Ray K. W alker, b x . 711, S t . L o u is , MO 63188) i ' v e r e c e n t l y l e a r n e d how t o bud and g r a f t & i t f e e l s l i k e a whole new w o rld i s o p e n in g up. i have a f a n t a s y about someday h a v in g a s m a ll s p e c i a l i z e d n u r s e r y . i f anyone need s h e lp s e l e c t i n g d i s e a s e - f r e e f r u i t t r e e s f o r t h e i r a r e a , i ' d be g l a d to t r y & h e lp them. RFD: Why do you e a t o n ly raw foods? CLEAR: to s t a y h e a l t h y . i t ' s my way o f a v o id i n g g i t t i n g s i c k . i have one c l o s e f r i e n d who e a t s e x c l u s i v e l y raw foods 6 t o g e t h e r she & i have t a u g h t o u r s e l v e s to p r e p a r e w h a t, to u s, i s gourm et f i x i n ' s . 51

i n s u l a t o r , i t h as w hat i s c a l l e d a " t e m p e rin g " e f f e c t in t h a t i t tem pers the w id e ly f l u x u a t i n g a i r t e m p e ra tu re to an a lm o st c o n s t a n t 5 5 ° . b u t i t ' s n e c e s s a r y to i n s u l a te the house i t s e l f away from t h a t 5 5 ° . i know o f some one n e a r h u n t s v i l l e who d i d n ' t i n s u l a t e t h e i r u n d e r ground house and now they have t o h e a t even in the summe r t i m e . once th e i n s u l a t i n g waz done i s t a p l e d a double l a y e r o f c l e a r p l a s t i c o v e r the s o u th w a ll 4 moved i n . the next summer i go t some f o l k s to b u i l d th e perm anent so u th w a ll fo r me. no way d id i t r u s t my lo u s y c a r p e n t r y a round a l l t h a t g l a s s , a l s o t h a t summer i h e ld a " h o u s e b u r i a l " p a r t y & l o t s o f f r i e n d s came and h e lp e d me p u t on th e f i n a l w a t e r p r o o f i n g ( s h e e t s o f b e n t o n i t e : a n a t u r a l c la y ) 4 c o v e r the h ouse w ith d i r t . the f l o o r s t i l l rem ain s to be pou re d 4 t h e r e ' s a b i t more work to be done on th e so u th w a l l , b u t i ve l i v e d in i t two y e a r s now 4 i t ' s a su p e rb h o u s e .

i s p e n t a lo n g tim e p o n d e rin g o v e r what k in d o f house to b u i l d 4 th e d e s ig n had f i n a l l y e v o lv e d to be one which would be h a l f a c i r c l e to th e n o r t h w ith a 12 r a d iu s 4 a gre en h o u se on the so u th h a l f , a t f i r s t the g re en h o u se 4 house were n o t g o in g to be s e p a r a t e d b u t i saw th e f o l l y o f t h a t 4 d e c id e d on a w a ll o f windows betw een them. th e g reen house h as v e t to be b u i l t , i w asn’ t s u re u n t i l th e l a s t m inute w h e th e r o r n o t to pu t d i r t a l l th e way o v e r th e r o o f , b u t n o t h i n g e l s e made as much s e n s e , so d i r t i t i s ! b e f o r e b r e a k i n g g ro u n d , i e x p l a i n e d t o th e a re a what i wax doin g 4 why. th en i marked o f f the d im e n sio n s (v ery c a s u a l l y , few t h i n g s ab o u t t h i s house a r e s q u a r e , s t r a i g h t , or even plumb) 4 dug a huge f o o t i n g . t h i s wax the s t a r t of my o v e r b u i l d i n g , i f i g u r e d s i n c e i d i d n 't know what i wax doin g i ' d b e t t e r e r r on th e s i d e of s a f e t y . i d o n ' t remember how b i g th e f o o t i n g i s now, b u t when i t o l d p e o p le the s i z e , t h e y 'd sa y t h a t they d n e v e r e v e r h e a rd of a f o o t i n g t h a t b i g around h e r e . the method of b u i l d i n g i ' d d e c id e d on waz s l i p - f o r m masonry ( u s i n g lorms on page 157 o f s t o n e masonry by K e m , M agers, 4 P e n t i e l d —- which is th e b e s t book t h a t i know o f on th e s u b j e c t ) , a f r i e n d who had b u i l d i n g e x p e r i e n c e h e lp e d me 4 we went t o a n e a rb y q u a rry 4 p ic k e d o u t good b u i l d i n g ro c k s 4 they d e l i v e r e d 'urn. from t h e r e on it wax J u s t s to n e upon s t o n e t i l l th e w all waz f i n i s h e d . i a c t u a l l y waz g o ing to make th e w a ll about two f e e t h i g h e r but we were ru n n in g o u t of ro c k s 4 would have had to make a n o t h e r t r i p to th e q u a rry ( b u i l d ing w ith s to n e r e q u i r e s a l a r g e s e l e c t i o n to p ic k from, i t ' s a l o t slo w e r than b u i l d i n g w ith wood. i f a rock d o e s n ’ t f i r , u j u s t t o s s i t down and go l o o k i n ' f o r a n o t h e r o n e , w hereas w ith wood u saw I t to th e r i t e s i z e and t h a t ' s I t . ) if we had k e p t th e w a ll th e o r i g i n a l h e ig h t i t p ro b a b ly would have d e la y e d my moving i n t o the house fo r a y e a r , s t i l l I'm n o t s u r e th e compromise waz w orth i t coz we had to make some d r a s t i c d e s ig n c h a n g e s.

RFD: What changes would you make in the house? CLEAR: i ’d use f i e l d s to n e I n s t e a d o f q u a r r y s t o n e . i t would ta k e a l o t l o n g e r to g a t h e r , b u t a f t e r b e in g in a q u a rry 4 s e e in g w hat u t t e r d e v a s t a t i o n th ey cau se to the l a n d , i c o u l d n 't s u p p o r t t h a t a g a i n , a ls o i th in k f i e l d s to n e a re g e n e r a l l y a l o t l e s s r a d i o a c t i v e th a n q u a rry sto n es. i w o u l d n 't use the p la n k s on th e r o o f , i ' d j u s t have th e f i n a l s u p p o r t p o l e s c u t so t h a t t h e y 'd f i t l i k e p la n k s on th e i n s i d e . a l s o i ' d use a s a n d i e r s o i l th an i d i d f o r c o v e r i n g th e h o use so t h a t m o is tu re would d r a i n away q u i c k e r . RFD: How lo n g d id i t ta k e t o b u i l d th e h o use 4 how much d id i t c o s t? CLEAR: i t took 4 summers, w o rk in g a t my own p a c e . i t c o u ld have been done a l o t q u i c k e r i f i ' d had more b u i l d i n g e x p e r i e n c e 4 been a b le to a n t i c i p a t e the n e x t step before a c tu a lly g i tt i n g th e re . i 'm very happy to sa y t h a t i d o n ' t have th e f a i n t e s t i d e a how much th e house c o s t , i p u r p o s e ly d i d n ' t keep t r a c k o f the d o l l a r s . i n e v e r w anted to lo o k a t my h o use 4 se e a d o l l a r s i g n , i t ' s j u s t the p l a c e where i l i v e , i t ' s n o t an in v e s tm e n t o r c o l l a t e r a l .

a f t e r the w a l l s , i dug o u t 4 p o u re d the f o o t in g t o r the c e n t e r column (a huge Local c e d a r t r e e tru n k 9 ' h ig h ) th e coulnri waz s e t in p l a c e f> 7 c e d a r p o l e s r a d i a t e d from the column to the back w a l l . i t was s lo w , p a t i e n t work w ith a c h i z e l g i t t i n g a l l th o s e p o l e s to s i t t i g h t on top of the col urtai 4 a l s o r e s t f l u s u on th e w a l l . c e d a r p la n k s were then l a i d betw een the p o le s 4 t h a t ' s when i d is c o v e r e d t h a t c e d a r s p l i t s i f u t r y to n a i l i t ! so e v e ry h o le f o r e v e ry n a i l in th e e n t i r e ro o f had to be p r e - d r i l l e d . i im m ediately bought a b a t t e r y d r i l l which would work fo r a b o u t 45 m in u te s each m orning 4 then had Pe be c h a rg e d up f o r the n e x t d a y 's work a t my n e i g h b o r ’ s hou se . a lo t o f the h o le s we j u s t d r i l l e d w ith a hand d r i l l , a f t e r t h a t we put c e d a r p o l e s o v e r th e p la n k s to giv e the needed s t r e n g t h 4 then had th e e n t i r e s t r u c t u r e s p ra y e d w ith foam i n s u l a t i o n on th e o u t s i d e , e x p e n s iv e , bu t e x c e l l e n t 4 a l s o th e o n ly f e a s i b l e way o f i n s u l a t i n g such an odd, rough sh ape & s t i l l be a b le to w i t h s t a n d th e p r e s s u r e of b e in g u n d e r d i r t . i f i had to do i t o v e r a g a in i w o u l d n 't use c u rv e s o r rough a r e a s in the e x t e r i o r w a ll so t h a t i t c o u ld be i n s u l a t e d w ith g l a s s foam a m a t e r i a l i f e e l much b e t t e r a b o u t e c o l o g i c a l l y , some f o l k s have a sk e d , "why i n s u l a t e i f u ' r g o in g t o be u n d e rg ro u n d ?" the re a s o n i s t h a t d i r t i s a h o r r i b l e

E d i t o r ' s Note: C l e a r g e n e r a te d th e q u e s t i o n s and the a n sw ers f o r t h i s i n t e r v i e w . I have t r i e d t o p r e s e r v e th e f l a v o r o f h i s o r i g i n a l s y n t a x and s p e l l i n g . JA 52

Dear RFDers, I am looking for a small group (up to 15) of gentle men to share living, loving, and land with in a beautiful country environment that is conducive to spiritual growth, peace of mind, and symbiosis with M o ther Nature - a place where I can give and receive support in working toward a simple nearly self-sufficient life style.

contact me. from you.

I'd love to hear

Jeremy Bell 3990-A Montecito Ave. Santa Rosa, CA 95404

Dear RFD, I am 32, with thick blonde curly hair, blue eyes, tri colored short beard, 5'10" and 170 lbs. of classical greek features, gentle, soft spoken, sometimes quiet and reserved, once in a shile aggressive, but mostly in between. I have a passionate love for natural beauty, gardening and landscape design (my profess ion ), and occasional travel to distant lands. I enjoy non-competive activities such as swimming, skiing, skating, hiking, dancing, gardening, reading, listening to music and silence, setting by the fire, and being. I need a home base of loving, understanding, and supportive family. I need a place where I can garden, hike, and medi tate to my heart's content. I need a place to set my roots without danger of being sud denly uprooted by a profit or power oriented landowner. A land trust arrangement would be just to my liking. Does anything like this exist out there? I'm not wealthy by any means monetarily, but I'm wealthy in spirit, mind, health, knowledge and energy, with a pittance of cash to invest . Are there any landed gentry out there for whom this sounds appealing or interesting? If so, please

I'm a rural living person who would like to meet and/or cor respond with others. I enjoy a variety of home centered activities - ®y garden, house plants, wood working, fixing things, cooking, etc. I'm also into trains, travel, photography, my mountain cabin, and just plain visiting. I'm 40, brown hair and eyes, easy going, a little conservative and anxious for new friends in rural areas and small towns (especially eastern NY from northern Catskills to northern Adirondacks and western New England). Please write: D.M. R.D. #2 Box 551 Cobleskill, NY 12043

Greetings: I would love to hear from people interested in, or with ideas concerning, gay men and the Pagan movement. Write to me: Alaric na Tor c/o The Wizard's Chest F0 Box 10057 Kansas City, MO 64111

RFD Brothers, The Sierra Nevada Mountains of California are my home and I'd like to share this home with another kindred brother. My eden is in the foothills (•lev 3000') of the mountains and is half forest, half meadow, lake and all year creek. Raise mainly berries and apples. Seeking a mellow together soul-mate, partner, lover preferably with some basic knowledge of the coun try, but an inexperienced city bro. with intelligence and the desire to learn and understand Mother Nature is cool, too. Seeking someone preferably to also share my bed, but do have 2nd bedroom on the house; trailer for cheap rent . I am 37 . Steve Ginsburg PO Box 109 Mt . Aukura, CA 95656

NOTE :

T here a r e many o t h e r c o n t a c t l e t t e r s which have not a r r i v e d back h e r e by p r e s s t i m e . We have d e c i d e d to go ah ead and p r i n t what we have r a t h e r t h a n h o l d i n g up p r o d u c t i o n . We a p o l o g i z e t o t h o s e who w ro te e a r l i e r , and o l a n t o have l o t s in t h e next i s s u e . When w r i t i n q a c o n t a c t l e t t e r , p l e a s e s t a t e your p r e f e r e n c e s and i n t e r e s t s i n a p o s i t i v e manner and be as c o n c i s e as p o s s i b l e . '•*? t r y to c a r r y as many l e t t e r s as p o s s i b l e , so b r e v i t y makes room f o r others.

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A few neighbors that've helped us with some car pentering drop in occasionally, but our RFDs and Advocates are kept ot of sight. To my mind, it may be all right for wealthy businessmen like the Advocate's Goodstein who live in cities to make it known they are gay, but not for gays living in rural surroundings.

W o(lou>

tiu c n it J o h n

With a long wet spring right into July, the usu al heavily burdened crops here were lighter in peas, carrots and beets. The two latter sown later are coning along and hopefully will fill the winter needs. The English type weather admirably suited the Fava (broad) beans direct from Unwin's of Cambridge, England. There was an enormous crop, much now in the locker/freezer. I've rented this space for some years in a nearby country store. I figured it would take 12 to 15 years rent and electricity to equal the cost of a deep freezer of my own, plus I'd have the defrosting and cost of electricity the next biggest user to a hot water heater plus any repairs.

Last fall Mark and I were smitten by bantams at the State fair and bought six hens and a rooster. They're all right for broodies but not for regular egg supply. We had to add a couple of large hens, and now some half-grown pullets for our winter egg supply. The banties are to go - except one, Speckly the clown. She fights the rooster and refuses to become broody. She snitches worms from under the large hens' beaks, and altogether, is a lot of fun to watch even if her laying record is "when she feels like it"! Our 4th July gay party was a success. Spent in the garden it didn't break up until after dark and the community firework display, \ mile away.

Economy of gay exposure in a rural community is wise and prudent. There are always the Jerry Falwell type of fundamentalist churches, and flaunting one's differences in public is asking for trouble. I know of a homestead owner that breeds cage birds. His seeming disregard for conservative neighbors has resulted in all his stock being burned in their sheds, and, although he knows who the arsonist is, he feels he cannot bring more attention to himself by reporting the matter .

Mark has acquired a spinning wheel. Last winter we made ourselves sweaters and caps from wool spun on an old Mule Spinner. This year they will be from Mark's own hand-spun efforts. Other projects are refinishing a cupboard and reup holstering a. comfortable chair from Goodwill) we buy our clothes from the same source, and though we planned to make our own shirts, yardage is triple the cost of ready-made here.

Mark and I, and two more friends that've lived together a number of years in a small communi ty live normally to neighbors' reckoning. We're always seen working in the garden looking after the small stock, and know when to turn a conver sation prying into our provated lives, back to gardening and usual country matters.

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M a i l a ll c o r r e s p o n d e n c e ( a d v e r t i s i n g , s u b s c r i p t i o n s , b u s i n e s s , s u b m i s s i o n s , f e a t u r e r e l a t e d m a t e r i a l , or l e t t e r s ) to: RFD, R o u t e 1, B o x 1 2 7 -E, B a k e r s v i l l e , N C 287 0 5 .

2 A D V E R T

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We w e l c o m e a d v e r t i s i n g groups and businesses.

- particularly from gay owned and oriented Please w r ite for A d r a t e card.

W e s e l l b a c k a n d s i n g l e i s s u e s at $ 3 . 0 0 e a c h . a ll i s s u e s e x c e p t No s . I, 2, A a n d 24.

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copies

R F D is not c o p y r i g h t e d a n d a n y o n e m a y u se w h a t is p u b l i s h e d h e r e in w i t h t h e p e r m i s s i o n o f t h e i n d i v i d u a l w r i t e r ( a c c e s s a b l e t h r u RFD). W e a p p r e c i a t e m e n t i o n of R F D (as w e l l a s t h e w r i t e r ) w i t h t h e r e u s e o f the m a t e r i a l .

The due

D O N A T

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I O N S

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d a t e s for m a t e r i a l t o r e c e i v e w i n t e r *81 I s sue 29 S p r i n g '82 I s s u e 30 S u m m e r *82 I s s u e 31 Fall Issue 32 "82

full

consideration:

Oct. Jan. April July

15, 15, 15, 15,

1981 1982 1982 19 8 2

R F D e n j o y s n o n - p r o f i t t a x e x e m p t s t a t u s a n d d o n a t i o n s to it a r e tax deductable. T h i s is a v e r y i m p o r t a n t w a y of c o n t r i b u t i n g t o the p r o d u c t i o n and survival of R F D .

For

i n f o r m a t i o n on

future

themes a n d features

see

the

inside

front c o v e r .

M A I L I N G

N A M E S

W e p u b l i s h t h e n a m e s o f all c o n t r i b u t o r s a n d the a d d r e s s e s o f con t a c t letter w r iters, of c ourse. We w i l l N O T s e n d the n a m e s o f subscr i b e r s to any o n e and c o n t r i b u t o r s can be r e a c h e d t h r o u g h w r i t i n g to RFD.

I O N S

W e w e l c o m e m a t e r i a l o f a l l v a r i e t i e s for p o s s i b l e i n c l u s i o n in future issues. W R I T T E N M A T E R I A L : N e a t l y t y p e w r i t t e n a n d if p o s s i b l e d o u b l e s p a c e d is h e l p f u l , but not r e q u i r e d . We prefer to N O T e d i t a n y o n e * s w o r k a n y m o r e t h a n is a b s o l u t e l y n e c e s s a r y , so p l e a s e s e n d yo u r s u b m i s s i o n as y o u w o u l d h a v e it a p p e a r . A l s o , indicate any intentional stylised variation from standard English. G R A P H I C S : B l ack and white only, please. D o not e x c e e d t e n inch column width, PHOTOS: Black and white w ith high contrast. Please i d e n t i f y s u b j e c t as w e l l as t h e p h o t o g r a p h e r . A S A S E (self a d d r e s s e d , s t a m p e d e n v e l o p e ) if you w a n t your w o r k r e t u r n e d t o you.

I O N S

R e g u l a r s u b s c r i p t i o n s a r e $ 8 . 5 0 for o n e year ( f o u r i s s u e s ) . First C l a s s m a i l ( a d v i s a b l e for t h o s e w h o m o v e a r o u n d a lot) a n d f o r e i g n (including C a n a d a ) s u bscriptions are $12.00. Instit u t i o n a l subs are $8.50*

Ll_ S U B M I S

F = |

S U B

S C R

I P T

If y o u m o v e , let R F D k n o w ; s e c o n d c l a s s m a i l i n g s a r e g e n e r a l l y N O T f o r w a r d e d b y t h e Post O f f i c e , T h e y d e s t r o y t h em; a n d you c a n m i s s that i s s u e .

RID Route 1, Bo Batersvtlle, fljC. 28705