RFD Issue 47 Summer 1986 by RFD Magazine Gay

MANAGING EDITOR: Ron Lambe DEPARTMENT EDITORS:

I'm Really Feeling Delerious as I write this. It has been a very hectic sprinq with many public hearings and meetings around nuclear waste. Indeed, what a terrible waste! I have added two additional announce ment pages to this issue: one for health and one for nuclear concerns. This brings the announcement department up to eight pages which makes it one of the largest departments in the journal, and I am wondering how valuable all of this is to the readers. I would appreciate some feedback on this. The nuclear issue seems especially important now that the world is having to deal with the Chernobyl accident. I fear that we are no where near to having the full story about this, and a lot has yet to be revealed. It certainly is making more people question the wisdom of con tinuing with this costly (still largely undetermined) and dangerous energy source. That the Dept, of Energy has announced that it is dropping the search for a Secondary Repository for high-level nuclear waste, the spotlight now switches to the west where three possible sites have been identified for the deep burial facility. In some ways, this is welcome news for the eastern sites, but many of us remain skeptical of the new move by the DOE because 1) the DOE has only postponed the search for a second repository, 2) there are siting problems wiTnaTT three western candidate sites, and 3) the D0p seems to be "horse trading" to get Congress to accept its pet plan for a Monitored petrievable Storage plant in eastern Tenn. This MRS would be a reprocessing plant for "final burial" of all US spent reactor fuel and "temporary" storage of high level nuclear waste. This program would dramatically increase the transport of nuclear material over the highways, railroads, and even possibly on the inland waterways. There are many other compelling reasons to oppose the MRS plan which would war rant an entire article. Suffice it to say here that many of us who have studied the plan feel that it is unnecessary, expensive and dangerous. There are also problems with the concept of deep mined burial of nuclear waste. How can anyone have the audacity to "guarantee" that this dangerous material can be isolated from the biosphere for 10,000 or more years! The best advice is to store it at the reactor sites. In addition to the high-level nuclear waste issue, we are also faced with a growing concern with "low-level" nuclear waste. Don't be mislead by that term "low-level". This includes all radioactive waste that is not "high-level" which is defined as spent reactor fuel rods and uranium mill tailings. "Low-level" includes some very long-lived and lethal isotopes (Neptunium 237 with 2,140,000 years Half-life and Plutonium 242 with a half-life of 379,000 years) and it is often dumped in shallow landfills! You might wonder what all of this has to do with RFD. And, what does the struggle of the Native Americans at Rig Mountain Tsee page 16) have to do with gay men living in the country? That is a good question because I sometimes feel that I am intruding too much of my own interests in this forum. On the other hand, I strongly believe that although we rural gay men need our own "space" or sanctuary and our own time together (including this literary forum), I also believe that the point of this healing time and spiritual nourishment is to make us whole, grounded, productive and creative participants in life. I believe that we are too short-sighted if we aim only to develop "cocoons" for ourselves to live the rest of our lives in. That may be alright for some, but the vast majority of us will sooner or later strain at these confines and yearn to participate with the world. After all, we have a different perspective to offer, and the more whole and grounded we are (through our own nourishing institutions) the more valuable those contributions will be. I believe there is a vast difference between participating in the world on our own terms and "assimilation". We can free ourselves from "assimilation" tendencies by strengthening our own institutions. But once we are "healed" and grounded in who and what we are, we will want to offer our insights and special approaches to the world. We are a part of it and cannot isolate ourselves from it any more than any one else can; or should. I speak here of nuclear waste and other non"gay" issues because they are important to me and I hope of interest to readers. It will do us little good to get a gay rights amendment through the state and federal government if we are all dead or dying from radiation. It will do us little good to develop faerie sanctuaries if the air is acid, the water contaminated and the land sterile. We need to work on our own agenda indeed, but at the same time we need to be aware of what is going on around us - especially regarding those things which can affect us all so deeply.

ARTICLES/FSSAYS: Richard Chumley, TN BK REVIEWS: Kenneth Hale-Wehmann, MA BROS BEHIND BARS: Len Richardson, OR CONTACT LETTERS: Garv Wilson, MN COUNTRY KITCHEN: (open) FEY ARTS: Franklin Abbott, GA FICTION: Randy Connor, TX GARDENING: Scott Tuzzolino, DC GATHERINGS: Sundance, CA HEALTH: Jerry Stamps, AR HOMESTEADING: Kim Grittner, WI POETRY: Franklin Abbott, GA POLITICS: Stuart Norman, CA PROFILES: Warren Potas, DC SPIRITUALITY: Gerry Kamp, NY RFD is a reader-written journal for gay men which focuses on country living and encourages alternative lifestyles. Articles often explore the building of a sense of community, radical faerie consciousness, the caring for the environment, as well as sharing gay men's experiences. Editorship responsibility is shared between the Department Editors and the Managing Editor. The business and general production is centered at Running Water in western North Carolina. Features are often pre pared in various places by different groups. RFD is published quarterly on the equinoxes and solstices at Running Water, Rt. 1 Box 127-E, Bakersville, NC 28705. Tel: (704) 683-2447. ISSN #0149-709X USPS #073-010-00 Non-profit tax exempt status under #23-7199134 as a function of Gay Community Social Services, Seattle, Washington. MEMBER: CCLM (Coordinating fcuncil of Literary Magazines) CnsMco (The International Assoc. of Independent Publishers) i GLPA (Gay/Lesbian Press Assoc.) IGA (Int'l Gay Assoc.) INDEXED by Alternative Press Index P0 Box 33109 Baltimore, MD 21218 MICROFILMED by Alternative Media P0 Box 1347 Ansonia New York, NY 10023 In addition to the magnificant new room at RW so selflessly built by J. Alexander (See opposite page), I deeply appreciate the valuable much needed help with the production of this issue from Raphael S & Tom C. Their help has allowed me time to deal with some of these "other" issues % Jo+in's efforts have added some much needed elbow room.

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FUTURE FEATURES: #48 Fall:

This feature will be comprised of reprints from Wiggansnatch, another outrageous small journal.

#49 Winter: This feature will be prepared in Washington, DC and will deal with Households, Communi ties, and Sanctuaries. #50 Spring: OPEN #51 Summer: Gay Life in the Adirondacks put together by the faeries in upstate New York. We welcome groups to prepare feature sections in RED. It is a wonderful opportunity for groups and individuals to be creative around an issue of concern or a locality. Write for details: PRODUCTION FOR THIS ISSUE Running Water: Tom Creekmur, Ron Lambe, and Raphael Sabatini. Atlanta: Keith Burroughs, Max Clore, Kirk Feral, Jeff Glauser, J. Golsan, Cal Gough, David Hadden, Elliot MacKle, Morris McCoy, Miguel Molina, Richard Robinson

GETI.T. AT HOME INTELLIGENT INTERVIEWS EROTIC EXCLUSIVES FILTHY FICTION FUNNY FEATURES SEX & SPORTS ROCK & ROLL Plus: TOM OF FINLAND & LOTS OF GORGEOUS NAKED MEN DANNY BASK ISSUE »93

ENTERING OUR SECOND DECADE OF DECADENCE! >N T O l FOB MEN a ,is m e ' ist mass market m aga^ne to publish male nudes lot a " i ,> j . y • we re Sim me leader Each issue is a parly. 9 great . ■ 1.. .i vagi ' ' • entc-'ta nment and e *r ’-’ Q men Every month »ve bring you j.-iopnor.> ;i iphyp usageneroost'eipingofthougW 'prOvoking ytcies -v't- tr ies So get i T now at these special prices l< you haven’t seen I T lately you haven t seen 11 at all

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IN TOUCH SUBSCRIPTIONS 7216 Varna ave N o rth H o lly w o o d ca 91605 (213) 764-2288 I enclose 5 in cash check. IN TOUCH FOR M EN subscrip tion Please send me sam ple copy S3 95 Name

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A COUNTRY JOURNAL FOR GAY MEN EVERYWHERE

Summer 1986 Contributors Frank!in Ab bo tt............... 14 John A! exander............... 1,60 Alladres ......... 64,69,71,73,75 Antler ........................ 49 Atlanta Faerie Circle......... 43 Keith Barton.................. 20 Big Stone...................... 47 Kevin B o y e r ................... 51 Randy Brieger................. 50 Robert Burns ................. 56 Keith Burroughs............... 34 Michael Cadnum ............... 50 Edward Carpenter .............. 30 Louis A. Colantuono........... 63 Daniel ........................ 25 Rick D e a n ....... 22,26,27 ,48,IBC Philip D u f f y .................. 50 Bru D y e ....................... 48 Richard Thomas Edwards ....... 54 Faerie Fire #1................. 60 Kirk Feral.................. 32,35 Steven Finch .................. 51 Jeff Franco ................... 36 D. Garrett .................... 51 David G e r r y ................... 49 George Gott ................... 49 Bill Gouge .................... 51 Frank E. G r a n t ................ 61 A1 Green....................... 26 David Hadden .................. 40 Glenn H a l a k ................... 50 S.J. Hamilton ................. 59 Jack Harvey ................... 23 Michael Hathaway.............. 49 Thomas Hopkinson ........... 29,48 Scott Humphries ............... 63 Jamal....................... 38,39 J.W.M.......................... 49 Gerry Kamp..................... 58 L. Aaron Kaufman............... 37 Ken of Triangle Farm...........61 Dick Kent...................... 54 Randy Krahn.................... 18 Ron Lambe...................... 1 John Landry.................... 51 Dan Mason...................... 53 Morris McCoy................... 42 Harry Mill..................... 61 J. Mont........................ 42 Persistance.................... 59 John C. Power.................. 63 Paul Reps...................... 56 Raphael Sabatini............52,61 Bob Schwartz................... 44 Todd Shaw...................... 31 Michael Siproth (Firefly)..... 55 Wayne Sizemore....... FC,35,41,46 Fred Smith..................... 48 Lynn Stephens...............16,24 Randy Taylor................45,55 Robin Walden................30,BC David Wheeler..................62 Christopher Wiley..............50 Wi ng of M e n .................... 34 Raven Wolfdancer........... 30,37 John Zalusky................... 50 Participation in this journal does not necessarily indicate any parÂ ticular sexual orientation.

VOL

XI I

NO.

!K .e l is h in g ^ V ie n d ly D e s i res

Issue 47

Contents ANNOUNCEMENTS: ARTICLES & ESSAYS:

BOOK REVIEWS:

BROS. BEHIND BARS:

A Gay Affirmation - John Alexander.............. Canoe Camping - Richard Thomas Edwards.......... Change - The Key Word - Daniel...,.............. Mr. Button - Michael Siproth (Firefly).......... The New Gay Renaissance - Thomas Hopkinson...... Women: To Need or To Love? - Burns & Reps....... A Witchhunt Foiled (NAMBLA) - Louis A. Colantuono Another MotheA Tongue (Grahn) - David Wheeler.... The Hundredth Monkey (Keyes) - Frank E. Grant--Mcutunbatton, TantAa and Selfi-Love (Woods) - Ken. NUMA: A Lifie Reading (Numa Pillion) - Harry Mili. Queen. (Burroughs) - R. Sabatini................. SAFESTUp: (Exander) - John C. Power............. Sajvpion'i Riddle (Ratti) - Scott Humphries...... A Letter To Mark - A1 Green..................... Joint Venture......................... ..........

CONTACT LETTERS: COUNTRY KITCHEN: Household Hazards.................................... Nuke Your Cukes? - Lynn Stephens.................... FEATURE: Communion - L. Aaron Kaufman..... ................... The Forking Road - David Hadden..................... Friends and Lovers - Kirk Feral..................... Is Loving Your Best Friend Adultry? - Keith Burroughs Lover-Friend - Morris McCoy......................... Relishing Friendly Desires.......................... Robin's Nest - Morris McCoy......................... Sex With Friends - Atlanta Faerie Circle............ Sharing The Warmth - Kirk Feral..................... Thoughts on Friendship - Jeff Franco...... ......... We Talk About Our - J. Mont.... ................... . FEY ARTS: RFD Poets - Franklin Abbott.......................... FICTION: If You're Not Going To Stay; - R. Sabatini.......... Rest Stop - Randy Krahn..... ............ ............ GATHERINGS: Photo Essay - Big Stone.............................. HEALTH: A Channeled Reading on AIDS - Jack Harvey.... ....... The Phallusy of Waiting For Science - Keith Barton... LETTERS: POETRY: A Ballad Without Music - S. Finch................... . A New Life - Edward Carpenter........................ Because - Kevin Boyer..... ........................... Beyond The Call of Duty - Antler..................... Boy Next Door - Fred Smith....... ................... . Brilliant Orange Flowers - Bru Dye.................. Chaneled Poem......... .............................. Farming - Christopher Wiley........ ................. Gaybeach - John Zalusky.......... ................... Gentle Rain - Thomas Hopkinson...................... Groovy Ghoulies - Michael Hathaway.................. Hollywood, California - David Gerry....... .......... I Live In The Spirit - Raven Wolfdancer............. I Should Be Sleeping - Bill Gouge...... ............. In Heat - Randy Brieger...... ................. ...... Lapswim - Glenn Halak......... ...................... Last Love Song - John Landry................. . ...... Not Love - J.W.M.................... ................ 0 Joy Divine Of Friends - Edward Carpenter.......... On The Corner - George Gott........... .............. Perfection - Michael Cadnum...... ................... Pilgrimage - Philip Duffy................. .......... We Ache As We Move - D. Garrett...................... Big Mountain Genocide - Lynn Stephens............... POLITICS: Before The Beginning - S.J. Hamilton................ SPIRITUALITY: Monothesim, Polytheism, and Paganism - Faerie Fire #1 Spiritual Notes From All Over - Gerry Kamp..........

. 6-13 ...60 ...54 ...25 ...55 ...29 ...56 ...63 ...62 . . .6 1 . .. 6 1 ...62 ...61 ...63 ...63 ...26 ...28 64-73 ...24 ...24 . .. 3 7 ...40 ...32 ...34 ,...42 . . .3 1 ,...42 ,...43 ,...35 ,...36 ,...42 ,...14 ....52 ....18 ....47 ....23 ....20

. . . 4-5 ....51 ....30 ....51 ....49 ___ 48 ___ 48 ....30 ....50 ....50 ....48 ....49 ....49 ....30 ....51 ....50 ....50 ....51 ....49 ....30 ___ 49 ___ 50 ....50 ___ 51 ....16 ....59 ....60 ___ 58

Pear RFP Men:

Brothers :

I have been a reader of RFP for many years.

7 love your magazine! 7 don't know why i t took me so long to find i t . But found i t I have! I p articu larly liked Je ffre y Stein berg's Woodwind in issu e #45. I t reminded me of an experience 7 had in the summer of 1974. 7 went to a Summer band school a t the College of William £ Mary in Williamsburg, t/A. 7 was ju s t 16 and I f e l l In love with one of the other guys I met there. At the time 7 was s t i l l having trouble accepting my true feelings . When 7 came home and realized he was gone and I might never see him again 1 ju s t couldn't deal with i t . 7 was 16, unsure of myself, and very lonely. I would have crying s p e lls , there was no one I could confide in without disclosing what a t the time I had been taught were wrong feelin g s. But now I'm so glad th at I can say, "I am Gay and proud of i t ! " with no remorse a t a l l .

7 have written many of you with no reply.

Dear RFp: A special. heart f l e t "Thank You" to the. RFP staff and a l t of, the many

people who contributed to the special feature on AIPS in issu e #45. So many of the M edical/Sodal agencies dealing with the PWS's (People With Aids] seem to be treating i t as a death sentence. The RFP a r tic le came across as being fu ll of HOPE and perhaps we a l l need to take a good look a t our own inner faith . In my lim ited experience in working with PWA’ s i t loould seem what we are dealing with i s quite devious and well hidden. Ft is going to take ALL of the energy and balance that can be assembled " to mount the attack. Presently a lo t of energy i s being d issip ated through fear and what seems to be. an "untouchable caivpaign"-~What comes through to me is a d efin ite need to gather our forces and put th is p o sitiv e energy into the whole (Body, Mind £ S p i r i t ) .

I wonder what you gay boys are look ing for? Most of you are in need one way or another. 7 ionite, and no reply. When you put a le tte r in RFP do you expect an answer from the boy next door? I'm sorry 7 liv e in Texas. I'm sorry th at you can 't move; or th at 1 am a man, or a nurse, or have a home here for you with employment. What do you leant? Heaven? 7 suggest you "RFP Contact Men" don't write le tte r s or love i f you don't want to write le tte r s in response.

Harold, Texas

Blessed Be! William M. Saunders, Virginia

Hi: I'v e ju s t read the story of/about Wesley Johnson (#46). 7 am gay and have been since 7 was seven years of age. 7 care about gays and lik e Wesley.

Keep up your good twrk--

I'm in the same mess. Have been in 10 years now and the bastards, over the years, have changed me.

Vaniel, Florida

7 encourage Wesley to continue his

Re•• nci«4 item RFP *46, p. 3, we/7 feel that the ACLU has sued "Big Brothers o(j IA" for the KWiong reason. Richard Stanley claimed to be b i sexual during the screening process to become a big brother. ACLU con tends he has been discriminated again st on the basis of his sexual orientation. But a man who claims to be. bisexual admits to no sexual pre ference or orientation ; therefore. Stanley cannot be discriminated again st for th is reason. However, his righ t to sexual privacy, and those of a l l applicants to Big Brothers, have been violated. RFP i s a welcome addition to our lib rary . Each issue is eagerly auxuted by our s t a f f and patrons. Good wishes.

writing of his l i f e . The world needs to know ju s t how i t i s for someone in here. The bastards use our l i f e sty le and cause us problems over £ over. 7 have wanted to k i l l , but have caught myself. Guards have wanted to fuck me in p ast years and 7 have watched some guards loatching gays get screwed and then do nothing to the so calle d stra ig h ts, ju s t tik e Wesley said . 7 too went through a number of changes before 7 found th at most men think with th eir cocks. I'm 35 and the p ast 10 years I ’ ve thought thoughts that I'd never have thought p o ssib le. My heart has grown cold and I'm not the sweet person 7 once was in my youth.

I ’m thankful RFP put his story in their spring issu e (#46). Please le t Wesley know 7 enjoyed reading the short, story, and he may write to me, i f he's allowed. Thank you for helping him get his story out to where other gays can read i t . I t may help keep other gays oat o(5 these h ell-h o les. I 'd love to read his book i f i t ’ s ever published.

PEAR RFP: A money scam Is being perpetrated on readers of RFP and other men’ s magazines by a prisoner a t the s ta te prison in Thomaston, Maine. "Steven" or "Lee" has spent time previously in the penitentiary in Somers, Conn, and he's w illing to spend time w rit ing to men in order to win th eir confidence. The scam involves loan ing money for establish in g a c rafts p roject, but he has also used the lin e of getting released for a paroled weekend but needs cash in his account to assure the trip to v i s i t you for a weekend (or some thing sim ila r); and, a lso , a pro posed book of brlson cr's poetry has been used. The p riso n er's mother sometimes loiil follow up on the scam to extort money over the phone, de pending on the dependency created between the w riter and the prisoner. They have, a lso , apparently th reat ened (over the phone) some men about using personal or intim ate contents of le tte r s i f money i s not sent. According to prison o f f i c ia l s , thousands of d o llars have already been Involved from many, many men, most of whom think "he" Is the only one writing to the man.

C ordially,

Let me say once again, thanks. God bless you and may God uxitch over each one of a s.

Advice to those who ers: send no money prepared to give i t cautions about what

Ursula Enters Copley, £>($ Homosexual Information Center, CA

Terri.e Lynn Greene, North Wilkes boro, North Carolina

Name Withheld by Request

write to prison unless you are away, and be you w rite.

Dear Ron 6 Fam ily a t RFV--

Ron:

Why the awful center section in #46 - Spring 1986 ??? ?le.ause keep up the good work. Frank, C alifornia

dear Friends • We were dismayed to i>ee RFV p rin t an ado enticement ion information about Project Wild. Project Wild promotes the use of pno-hunting and trapping pnopaganda in oua schools. i t promotes the untAuth th at hunting and tnapping one compatible with pre servation o6 w ild life . in r e a l i t y , hunters and trappers thane a majon degnee o f resp o n sib ility ion the lange numbeA of species which one now lis t e d at being threatened on endangened. Tnapt, of course, do not distinguish between the animate sought by the fu rriers and otheA a n i m a l s - -including none and endangened sp ec ies, belovex household p ets, on even huinan children. Every yean these tnapt k i ll 77 mil lion animals not wanted by the. fur r ie r s . These 77 m illion cuiimale in clude many none and endangened sp e c ie s. Hunters, thnough ignonance, and through iAACtpontible and careless b&hcLV'ioh, conX/ubuXe to thz AtxuighXzA of Aane and endangened animals. When gay men and lesbians support the tontune, abuse, and slaughten of othen sen tien t cneatunes we undermine oua own demands that the world net pond to us wit.h kindness and weth ju s tic e . in the United S tates ,fur trappers alone k i l l some. 30 m illion animals annually. We know that these animals su ffe r pain ju s t asyou on i do. Most of these animals one caught in s te e l jaw tAaps which bneak thein bones and tean theiA flesh . Many oac l e f t to su ffe r u n til they die of starv ation . Others su ffe r such pain and terro r th at they chew o ff theiA own legs to escape. The nest oac beaten to death by tAappcAS. HunteAS k i ll more animals than trappers. The deaths of these animals aAe of,ten as gruesome as i s the deaths of animals caught in tr a p s . Hunting and trapping are incompatible with w ild life preservation and with an ethic which embraces reverence for l i f e . RTV readers who core about animals, and who care about the pre servation of w ild life , w ill work to keep Project Wild out of oua schools. Sincerely, Frank C. Branchini S Vennis J . H artzell Maryland

The Spring issu e of my favorite per io d ic a l arrived today in my expect ant hands. I t was a very well-done work--an excellent way to begin another season of new growth. i t i s with a deep sense of personal lo ss and tragedy th at I read of the deaths of the members of our family. I o ffe r my condolences to all. who have known and l o s t . I would lik e to share with you an exerpt from Lawrence Binyan’s poem, "For the Failed" that was published so many years ago: They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old: Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn At the going down of the sun and in the morning We will remember them.

I extend my best wishes to a l l and a greater hope for many better tomor rows . With Love 6 Hugs, Matt Sloan, Texas

On the safe ty 0 |$ getting nipples (and other things) pierced, i t progably depends. They can be profession ally done by an expert using disposable needles, d isin fectan t, and so on. On the other extreme, Vve. heard of people getting pierced during sexual encounters under conditions of poor ligh tin g, assorted bodily flu id s a l l over the place, and judgment clouded by alcohol or other drugs. These two situ atio n s carry v astly d iffe re n t amounts of r is k . Also, I ’ d be wkxry of getting anyone e l s e ’ s bodily flu id s on a new piercing u n til i t ’ s had a few months to heal up. Love, Tom Vigby {Bubbles), C alifornia

My f i r s t reaction upon reading Gabby Haze’ s criticism of my a r tic le on Homosexuality and Reincarnation axis that he did not understand the point T was trying to make. My second rie.cicXA.on (Ocu> that he did not un dea■* stand the point I was trying to make. And my third reaction axis that he did not understand the point I wo* trying to make. Cordially, Huma, Florida

Vear People: All the fuss about NAMBLA has given me an ide.a for an altern ative way to write sexual-consent, lotos, in stead of an arb itrary chronological age a t which one becomes able, to consent, how about saying that any type of relation sh ip in which one partner has legal, or economic power or authority over another renders the subordinate partner unable to freely consent to sex with the. dominant partner? This would cover not only child abuse but also sex between employer and employee, beMoeen students and teachers where, the student’ s graaes may be affected and the like.. To le g a liz e consensual SgM (m aster-slave relatio n s flips) and the trad itio n al breadwinner-house wife marriage, there could be a clause th at allows poeple about to enter into any dominance-submission relationsh ip l job, marriage, e tc .} to make, an agreement, that sex w ill be expected. Secondly, any inventor of a device th at claims to put out more energy than i t takes in w ill have a tough row to hoe. In the view of orthodox science, such a thing jJ> im possible. Further, th is assumption that you can’ t get more energy out. of some thing than you put in i s a basic tene't. disprove i t , and you may have to rethink almost everything else you thought you knew. While orthodox science has been wrong before, proving that i t i s wrong on such a fundamental matter requires an extremely hi.gh standard of proof.

Dear Brothers : Like Blackberry, oua Black brother who could not re la te to the term ’ faery ’ because i t i s a Celt in term, l am a Jew and feel sim ilarly a lie n ated. I also do not re la te to myself as a s is s y {tho I respect those who do), and so do not relu te to the term ’ fa ir y ’ eith er. Language Is very important. Every time, we c a ll a Gathering of Fairi.es, we lo se numerous brothers who do not re la te to that word or w>ho don’ t even know what, i t mean*. What our movement seems to a ttr a c t i s c ity men who lik e to wear dresses. Wow there is nothing wrong with c ity men or d resses, but there are loads of d iffe re n t kinds of Gay s p iritu a l men. I would lik e us to announce our Gatherings for "Gay Brothers of the. S p ir it and Earth" or something sim ilar. As a sub-heading we could include numerous types of us Such as f a ir ie s , fae rie s, gypsy shamans, pagans, people of a l l cultures who respect the planet, men who are attuned to the sp ir itu a l life .

Let us be more open, via our language, so th at we include, the d iv e rsity of brothers, or e lse we might become a closed clique of white men with a narrowminded vi.eityoint. Lovingly diverse, Joe Flow erhill, C alifornia

An obscure 19th Century Fnglish Law, originally established to prevent erotic Parisian chess sets from being sent to English girls' board ing schools is being used to prevent the importation of gay books and magazines to Great Pritian. For the past 3 years, British customs has siezed such material as The Joy of Gay Sex, The Joy of Lesbian Sex, and copies of 'the New York Native with the authority 'given1 them by the antiquated law. Giovanni's Room, (1145 Pine St., Philadelphia, PA 19107), is leading the fight from America against these unfair practices and is accepting donations for the legal defense of 6 men from London charged with conspiracy to import indecent or obscene materials. It is hoped the outcome of their trial, scheduled to begin Oct. 6, will stop British customs from siezing literally any package that has the word 'gay' on it.

BLACK (Hidden) FUNDS IN DEFENSE BUDGET The fiscal 1987 defense budget request contains $22.5 billion for "black" funds, those for secret programs not specifically identified in the request. This is a four-fold increase since 1981. Thomas S. Atnlie, a gov't, budget anayst, says there are three reasons to have "black" programs: "One, it deserves to be black. There are maybe five of those...Two, you're doing something so dumb you don't want anyone to know about it...Or, three, you want to rip open the money bag at both ends and get out a big scoop shovel, because there's no accountability whatsoever."

N Y

LESBIAN AND GAY SIERRAS RECOGNIZED The Bay Area Sierra Club has officially recognized the Lesbian and Gay Sierras (LGS). That al lows LGS to use Sierra Club facilities and place announcements in the national newsletter.

gay

According to Bound Together Newsletter the US military has been keeping its reserves on alert for the last six months. No mainstream newspaper has reported on this unprecidented event which could enable the military to call up a Nicaraguan invasion force on short notice without restoring to an unpopular draft. Anyone who can provide more concrete information about this on-going incident is urged to contact: Bound Together, 1369 Haight St., San Francisco, CA 94117.

e ws

DEMOCRATS

For the first time, the rules govern ing the election of delegates to the 1988 Democratic National Convention will specifically mention Lesbians and Gay men by name as part of the Party's outreach program. The new language, which does not include quotas, was initially developed two years ago by the National Association of Gay & Lesbian Democratic Clubs, and intro duced by Minnesota State Rep. Karen Clark and Florida Senate candidate Jack Campbell at the Demo cratic Rules Committee.

ANIMAL R i a n s PROTEST After winning a landmark legal decision against the National Insti tute of Health (NIH), and the Insti tute for Behavorial Research (IBR), the animal rights organization, People for the Fthical Treatment of Animals, were prevented by Byzantine legal manoevers from rescuing 17 surgically crippled and abused monkeys from IBR's care. This, after the director of NIH, Dr. Wyngaarden promised to transfer the monkeys to safety. On April 27th, 1986, the organization erected a hugh white tent and a 20 foot banner on a knoll overlooking Dr. Wyngaarden's office and intend to stay there until the monkeys are free. Individuals and groups are urged to come and hold vigils with the organization. Contact: Betsy, The Project Coord., at (202) 726-0156.

Y MILITARY ALERT?

BRITISH CENSORSHIP

The American Civil Liberties Union announced the appointment of Nan D. Hunter as staff counsel of its Lesbian/Gay Rights Project. Hunter will be responsible for all national ACLU litigation involving gay and lesbian rights, and for assisting and coord inating the gay rights work of ACLU state affiliates.

Over the past year, the National Association has carefully monitored the work of the Fairness Commission including coordinating testimony at the Commission's public hearings last summer in Boston, Detroit and New Orleans and reviewing the final report prior to its publication. In commenting on the newly adopted rules, the National Association's Executive Director, Tom Chorlton, stressed that "this new language by itself is only an important first step. It is now up to Lesbian and Gay Democrats in every state to utilize these tools in demanding our right to participate fully in the Party and on behalf of Democratic candidates."

The Lesbian/Gay Rights Project was established by the ACLU to focus the organization's resources on civil liberties issues involving the AIDS crisis, eradication of sodomy laws, and the elimination of other forms of discrimination against gays. Nan Hunter is a graduate of Georgetown Law School. Before coming to the ACLU, she worked in a feminist law firm that she cofounded in Wash. DC. Among her victories were a First Amendment challenge to a Bureau of Prisons policy banning gay publications from federal prisons, and an employment discrimination suit based on sexual preference discrimination. Write: Nan D. Hunter, Counsel, Lesbian/Gay Rights Project, ACLU, 132 W. 43rd St. New York, NY 10036 or call: (212) 944-9800.

NEW ZEALAND WARNED The US and Australia have told New Zealand that if it continues to bar ships powered by nuclear reactors or ships containing nuclear weapons from its ports, it will be kicked out of the ANZUS treaty organization. The 35-year-old defense pact would then be down to just two members.

Y CLIMATE

CHANGES

Scientists say global temperatures may rise as much as 10°F (about 5°C) by 2020 due to an overdose of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere from the burning of fossil fuels and the cut ting of the earth's forest. It could lengthen growing seasons in Canada and the Soviet Union and break the pattern of drought in Africa. But it could also inundate the world's coastlines as the polar icecaps begin to melt. In the US, as rain belts shift northward, the Great Plains could become dryer and hotter--Minnesota and North Dakota would presumably be in the position Kansas and Nebraska are today, weatherwise.

ACLU GAY RIGHTS PROJECT

THE US's DOGS IS NICARAGUA'S GAIN As oppressive farm policies in the US drive dairy farmers out of business Nicaragua has begun an ambitious program to attract hard-pressed American dairy farmers with free land and guaranteed markets for their produce. Nicaragua, which currently imports 90? of its milk, hopes to set up co-ops with the American farmers' know-how and eventually become self-sufficient in dairy products. The first co-op, in the state of Boacar will begin operations this summer. Boaca has recently been the scene of Contra insurgency, but that hasn't detered the American farmers already living there who share the Nicaraguans' opposition to the US's interventionist policies and their puppet army of liberation. Contact: Eric Holt Gimenez, Nicaraguan Union of Farmers and Cattleranchers, Center for the Study of the Americas, 3264 North Ave., Sacramento, CA 95817 or call (415) 540-5006.

Y NUTRITION FROM SASVDUSm Y

ACID RAIN UPDATE The problem o f acid rain continues to grow while redera! agencies, rearful o^ offending the big businesses that are the maior nolluters (and major po Htica1 contributers^, ^o nothing. Tbe "ounderv "aters ranoe V e a (R’.',rA) in northern "innesota is the latest casualty, with waters so acidic that microorganisms, the basis of the food chair for all local creatures, are dying out rapid ly. Hearings are being held on the n.WCA, but without action directed at the source of this problem, the wilderness area seems doomed to be come yet another acidified, sterile lake, like those in the Adirondacks and Scandinavia.

In a decision likely to produce impor tant environmental benefits for bot i Canada and the United States, a federal district court has recently ordered the Environmental Protection Agency to set in motion the machinery for controlling acid rain. Responding to a suit filed by staff attorney Howard Fox in conjunction with several northeastern states which suffer from acid rain, the court directed ERA to identify the US states whose pollution is causing acid rain damage in Canada. Once these states have been identified EPA must require cleanup of their emi ss ions. The Legal Defense Fund's lawsuit was necessary because EPA has reso lutely refused to enforce a US good neighbor" law which says that E-A must not allow US pollution to harm adjacent countries. Emissions from US power plants cross the border into Canada in large quantities ultimately falling to earth as acid rain and causing environmental damage of major proportions. EPA and representatives of the electric power and coal industries are expected to appeal the court’s ruling.

Y RECYCLING CONGRESS The Fifth National Recycling Congress will run Sept. 24 - 26 in Seattle with an emphasis on finding a de mand for materials. Write: NRC , Washington Dept, of Ecology, Mail Stop PV-11, Olympia, WA 98504.

arm

DEADLY EXPERIMENTS

Y FARMERS' DOLLARS

Your tax dollers at work again-poisoning the Sonora desert! It has been discovered that in 1982 the US DA sprayed Tebuthiuron, a defoliant, on a target area of 60 acres in the lower Sonora Desert foothills. By snuffing the natural vegetation, it was hoped succulent grasses would take over so cattle could be intro duced. Actually it worked too wellnot only did every living thing die in the target area but in a large surrounding area as well and noth ing grew there for 3 years! Among the plants killed so cavalierly in this experiment were specimens of the state tree and flower of Arizona. The blighted wasteland lies within the area of Tucson's water supply which may therefore have been con taminated but the city was never notified by the USDA of the experiment.

In the southwest, a coalition of environmental groups are fighting a group of smelting operations that emit over 70?! of the sulfer dioxide (a deadly gas that on contact with water forms sulfuric acid--hence called acid rain) in the mountainous western h s , some without pollution controls! Serious health problems have been created for the local inhabitants (human and otherwise) and the rDA appears to be ready to get tough with the smelter owners. 9ut don't hold your breath!

Y INTERNATIONAL ACID RAIN RULING

According to research at the Office of Naval Research., the shipworm has been found to harbor a bacterium that can digest cellulose and fix nitrogen (something eluding genetic engineers). It could convert sawdust into useful proteins for animal feed. Write: A M Sinopoli, Code 730, ONR, 300 North Quincy St., Arlington, VA 22217.

According to Am. Farm Bureau's figures, the American farmer's share of each dollar consumers spend for food slipped another 24 last year to 254. At the same time, American farm exports fell to 12.8 billion dollars during the first five months of the 1986 fiscal year, down 20^ from the same period a year earlier. Imports were up 6% from 1985 to 8.6 billion do!1ars.

FARMING TIPS Woods End Agricultural Institute publishes monographs and conducts research on better ways to grow crops. Write: RD1, Box 4050, Mt. Vernon, ME 04352.

Y FARM SPENDING American farmers spend about $180 billion a year for goods, services, consumer items, and taxes. They pay $8.75 billion in state and federal taxes each year, averaqing $3,500 1n taxes per farm. Yearly consumption demands include 360 billion kilowatt hours of electricity, about 2% of the US's total .

LET 10,000 WINDMILLS TURN The lights in China are lit by 10,000 100-watt windmills, each producing enough power for 3 families at a running cost of $4.00 a year in the remote north, northwest, and south west, reports D+C. D+C is available free from the German Foundation for International Development, Postfech 300 380, D-5300, Bonn 3, WEST GERMANY.

According to the quarterly Technology For Development in Southeast Asia and the Pacif ic, rice husk, an Tgricul tura1 residue, can be burned as fuel and the leftover ash, which is high in silica, can be turned into cement, bricks, or detergent powder.

Y IT'S TIME TO PAY THE PIPER Small, independent producers of electricity are now significant competitors for public utilities staggering under the financial burden of unneeded overpriced nuclear plants, says Richard Munson in his latest book, The Power Makers. Tables in the book show how much rate shock consumers can expect from various power companies as the bills for their nukes fall due. Don't say you werenot warned.

Y OIL FROM DESERT ALGAE In Review, published by the Solar Energy Research Institue, reports that crude oil can be derived from certain species of microalgae that flourish in the sort of saline waters found in deserts. A barrel of such oil currently costs $250-$350 to refine, but there is hope that the process will be improved and the product made cheaper. Write: 1617 Cole Blvd., Golden, CO 80401.

BRAZILIAN ETHANOL NO THREAT The International Trade Commission has ruled that imports of cheap Brazilian ethanol are not endangering the US's ethanol industry, despite claims to the contrary. Brazil's product heavily subsidized and 'dumped' in the US, could negatively affect a fledging US industry that offers hope of an expanded domestic market for US corn, sorghum, wheat, potatoes, etc. The growth of the US ethanol industry is credited with adding 104 to the price of a bushel of corn.

USES FRCM AGRICULTURAL WASTE

ECO-MONASTERIES A list of these intriguingly named establishments has been compiled by The Deep Ecologist, a quarterly publication. Write: 10 Alamein Ave., Warracknabeal, Victoria, 3393, AUSTRALIA.

f DC FAERIES CIRCLE A faerie circle has been started in the US Capital and meets periodically. The faeries welcome all pagan, earthmagical types of gay men and lesbians as well as all others with related interests. The FC/DC Report (a news letter of the group) is printed after each meeting of the faeries. For non-attenders, the price of a sub is a book of 224 stamps. For more info; write: Michael Mason, PO Box 15117, Washington, DC 20003; or call (202) 232-0905,

EXPO '86 GAY HOUSING Dacific Lambda Housing '86 is a lesbian/ gay bed and breakfast housing registry open now in Vancouver. For more info or to make reservations call: (604) 251-9713 or write 745 Clerk, Vancouver, B.C. V5L 3J3 CANADA.

Y Y

Gay Brother is the name of both a hotline and support group established to counsel teenagers who need help in their coming-out adjustments in Stamford, Connecticut. The hotline allows a teen who thinks he or she may be gay to talk about it with someone who is gay. It is emphasized strongly that Gay Brother is not a dating service. The hotline number is (203) 965-8325. Write: Winthrop Smith, Apt. 827, 91 Strawberry Hill Ave., Stamford, CT 06902.

Y Y

The House of the Dawn is a gay ashram offering an environment in which each person may achieve his full potential. Teachers are ready to help gays reach their spiritual goals. Write: 2141 E. Palm Lane, Phoenix, AZ 85006 or call (602)267-1203.

AUSTRALIA!! MEN Men Opposing Patriarchy is an Australian group actively opposed to sexism and all forms of oppression. Other activities include producing a newsletter for men in Sydney, workshops, discussion nights, and public action on relevant issues. Write: P0 Box 366, Rozelle, New South Wales, 2039, AUSTRALIA.

FREEPEDPLE The FreeNetWork is a fast growing, world-wide network of libertarians, objectivists, voluntarylsts and other free market supporters. They produce a magazine, FREEPERSON, (12/yr). Write: Freeperson Magazine, 2645 Tennessee Dr., Medford, OR 97501.

TAYU MEANS TRUE The Order of Tayu is a gay and lesbian fellowship that presents a spiritual teaching which deals in part with the special role of gays in the spiritual life of humanity. Members receive the quarterly publication Ganymede, a gay spiritual journal. Write: PO Box 11554, Sante Ross, CA 95406.

PEOPLE vs PACs

Legislation pending in Congress may place restrictions on PAC (Political Action Committee) contributions to political campaigns for the first time. Common Cause is leading the fight to limit the corrupting influence of PAC money on Congress. Write: 2030 M St., NW, Wash. DC 20036.

Among Friends is a gay networking, referral and resource organization in Wisconsin, east Minnesota, North east Iowa, North Illinois (including Chicago) and the upper penninsula of Michigan. Write: P0 Box 881, Madison, WI 53701.

ASHRAM

The treatment program at Pride Inst, is developed to meet the needs of each patient. The initial phase is an intensive assessment and eval uation of the person's sexual, chemical dependence, and medical history. The clinical staff then designs an individualized treatment program incorporating private and group therapy sessions, meetings, education, films and lectures, a nutritionally-correct diet, instruc tion on relaxation and stress-reduction strategies, and physical and recreational activities. Write: VanVechten & Associates, 427 E. 74th St., New York, NY 10021 or call (212) 570-6510.

MILITARY BUDGET BUSTERS

Y THE

WISCONSIN NETWORKING

Y GAY

In the spirit of the pioneering German Green Party, American prog ressives have formed their own Green Party. Write: P0 Box 127, Downers Grove, IL 60515. A slate of candi dates are being drawn up to run for offices in Main. Hq. in that state is: Rt. 2, Box 6624, East Holden, ME 04419.

GAY COMPUTER NETWORK Gay News Information Communications (GNIC), 1s America's only Gay/Lesbian multi-user computer network in existence. Tt offers an electronic bulletin board, electronic mail services, and direct communications with one or more persons. Write: GNIC Network, PO Box 115, Woodbury, NY 11797, or call (516)351-1363.

AMERICAN GREEN PARTY

The Dept, of Defense spends only 13% of its $300 billion year budget on defending the US. What happens to the other 87%? Can it be better spent elsewhere? The Coalition for a New Foreign and Military Policy asks for greater public scrutiny and debate on these expenses. Write: 712 G St., SE, Wash. DC 20003.

GAY YOUTH HOTLINE IN CONN.

AND LESBIAN CHEMICAL DEPENDENCE

Pride Institute, a 36-bed residential program located in Minneapolis, MN, opened its doors in March of this year. Incorporating the 12-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and other selfhelp groups into a comprehensive clinical treatment program, it offers patients a safe environment in which to confront their chemical dependency and the unique stresses they face as gay men and women living in a straight society.

©ROUPS

gay

PRIMATE ABUSE

SOCIAL ECOLOGY Social Ecology integrates the study of human and natural ecosystems thru understanding the interrelationships of culture and nature. Using northcentral Vermont as a laboratory, The Inst, for Social Ecology explores bio-regional solutions to global problems. Write: Inst, for Social Ecology, P0 Box 384, Rochester, VT 05767.

Primarily Primates, Inc. is a non profit organization dedicated to sheltering and caring for primates, birds, and other animals that have been victims of abuse or medical 'experimentation'. PP provides a much-needed service in the animal rights movement and needs support. Write: Drimarily Primates, Inc. P0 Box 15306, San Antonio, TX 78212, ( 612)755-461 *.

GAY ARTS JOURNAL Amethyst is a new magazine put out by the Southeastern Arts, Media, and Education Project, Inc., a non profit group. Amethyst will publish gay short stories, poetry, non-fiction, and R & W visual art which projects a positive image of the gay community. Submissions are being sought. Write: 360 Fortune St., Atlanta, GA 30312.

NEW RECORDS

M Y

Aimed at thousands of social change organizations which raise money un der entirely different conditions from larger, more traditional com munity service organizations, Klein feels that successful grassroots fundraising allows social change organizations to take control of their own situations and to be in fluenced less by outside funding sources.

LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION! The 2nd International Super-8 Gay Film Festival will be held in Brussels, Belgium, Oct. 16-19, 1986. There will also be an exhibition of pictures, drawings, paintings, etc. Potential exhibitors, contestants, and visitors should contact: Antenne Rose, B.P. 888,1000, Bruxelles 1, BELGIUM.

The book is available for $19.95 (plus $1.95 shipping/handling) from CRG Press, P0 Box 42120, Washington, DC 20015.

JAILED (Straight) ECOLOGIST'S TAPE Gerry Hannah is serving a 10 year sentence in conjunction with the activities of a clandestine organ, active in the anti-nuclear and ecological movement. He has produced a cassette of his songs which are mostly acoustical folk. The songs move from the deeply personal to wellobserved political statements: like "The Madness", dealing with the barriers imposed on relationships and the resulting agner and helpless ness. Songs from Underqound is available from: PO Box 34332, Station D, Vancouver, BC, V6J4P3, Canada.

BHOPAL VIDEO "No Promise for Tomorrow - Communi ties Respond to the Bhopal Tragedy", a 58-minute videotape which demon strates the interconnections of First and Third World workers and communities affected by multination als and environmental/occupational hazards is available from the High lander Center, Rt. 3 Box 370, New Market, TN 37820.

"How to Have a Hot J 0 Party in Your Own Home" is a fresh, visually at tractive 'instructional booklet.' Written in non-medical street talk, with over a dozen explicit photos, the J 0 Party Guide shows how safe sex activities can be hot, satisfying, and fulfilling. The guide communicates a joyful, campy, positive attitude toward gay sex, along with the helpful do's and don't's of a successful party--all you need to know to stage you own sensual extravaganza. Single copies are $2. plus a 50<t mailing fee. Bulk discount and inst. rates are available. If interested, contact: JO Buddies, 1150 Bryant St., San Fran cisco, CA 94103.

Y GAY TRAVELLERS' GUIDE The ‘L p .p . is a quarterly newsletter for gay men who are travelling around America. It also carries listings of bed and breakfast establishments which welcome gay patronaqe. Write: NDG, Rt. 2, Box 11, Fontanelle, Iowa 50846.

Y GAY TRAVELERS Now, Voyagers is a monthly public ation devoted to the needs of the gay traveller. Latest information on international gay resorts, bars, discos, guesthouses, and restaurants. Write: P0 Box 6827, F.D.R. Station, New York, NY 10150.

Y CO-OP CATALOG GAY BOOK CATALOG Paths Untrodden, a gay-owned/gay operated mail order book service, offering "books of merit on the gay male experience" has released its 1986 catalog, listing almost 1500 titles with an expanded subject classification that now includes 65 areas. The 64 page bibliography/ catalog is available for $2. from Paths Untrodden, P0 Box 459, Village Station, New York, NY 10014-0459.

Co-op America announced the Co-Op Alternative Catalog, a guide to the 'a 1ternative marketplace'. The catalog links socially responsible producers with consumers who wish to support alternative economic enterprises. It is published twice a year and can be ordered for $1 from: Co-Op America, 2100 M St., NW, Suite 31n, wash. DC 20063.

Y GAY HOTEL GUIDF

Y Y

FUNDRAISING BOOK Fundraising for Social Change by Kim Klein provides smaller nonprofit organizations with the nuts-and-bolts strategies they need to start, main tain, or expand successful community based fundraising programs, allowing them to depend less on foundation, corporate, or government grant sup port.

Fan Club Favorites is Peter Alsop’s new record. Records & cassettes are $8 ea. Write: Peter Alsop, P0 Box 960, Topanga, CA 90290. Trouble in Paradise is a new album Tj^rRomanovsky & Phillips. It is available by mail from: Fresh Fruit Records, 2269 Market St, #301, San Francisco, CA 94114 for $8.95 for LP or cassette.

E DIA

J O BUDDIES MANUAL

ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES The New Age Community Guidebook is a new publication which includes 26 articles on intentional communities, a directory of over 200 communities and descriptions of each, a resource section and more. This book is a must for those interested in re searching or investigating a communal lifestyle. To order, send <8.00 to: Community Referral Service, P0 Box 2672-9, Eugene, OR Q740P. Outside of the US please add $1.00 for extra postage.

The Key International Guide to hotels, guest houses and resorts in which gay men and women will feel comfortable, is now in its third year. The current issue also includes many bed-and-breakfast facilities, which are becoming more widely accepted in North America. Key 186 has 380 listings in the US and its territories, and 290 in other countries. There are 78 listings in the southeastern US, 119 in the northeast, 44 in the central states and 121 in the Pacific and Mountain States. It is on sale at $6.95 in North America ($7.95 elsewhere) from House of Leehei, P0 Box 330406, Dept. RE, Coconut Grove, FL 33233.

Washington-The US formally surrendered to Nicaragua last tuesday, thus con cluding last Week's lightning six-day war, which caught the US military leaders off guard andstunned observers across the globe..."To my fellow Americans, I say that the time for fighting is past," a sorrowful President Reagan announced in a nation wide address. "Now it is time to end the bloodshed, lay down our arms, and cooperate with our conquerors." ...Nicaragua's ruling 5-man junta said its military occupation of Amer ican soil would not begin before Friday because logistical details still needed to be worked out. "It is no easy thing for a country with six thousand soldiers to occupy a nation of 230 million people," said a spokesman for the junta...Reagan blamed the defeat on Congress's failure to approve military measures against Nicaragua and on the public's refusal to support his Star Wars defense. "We have been saying all along that Nicaragua posed a serious threat to our security," he told a press conference. "No one would believe us." Reprinted from The Other Side.

A4 Y

NAMBI.A PRISONER OUTREACH NAMBLA (North American Man/Boy Love Association) Bulletins are available free to persons imprisoned for sex with minors. Contact: Rock Thatcher, P0 Box 31697, Phoenix, AZ 85064.

AUDUBON EXPEDITIONS The National Audubon Society's Expedi tion Institute sponsors a unique set of graduate, undergraduate, and high school programs that take small groups of students across the country as in vestigative learning communities. They visit people and places to ob serve, discover, question, and develop a practica awareness of relationships between America's ecosystems, cultures and history. Write: NAS, Sharon, CT 06069.

EL SALVADOR "Understanding FI Salvador" is a pamphlet presenting an overview of major developments and key issues in an easy-to-read question & answer format. The price is 25<f per copy from: AFSC Peace Education Resources, 1501 Cherry St., Philadelphia, PA 19102.

PLENTY USA For the past eleven years, Plenty USA has been helping impoverished peoples in America and around the world believe in themselves and become selfsufficient. Write: 6?1 Santa Ray Ave., Oakland, CA °46l0-1750.

From July 20-25, the Psychosynthesis Center, northwest of Seattle will present a residential workshop on balancing masculine and feminine energies. Write: 909 N.E. 4?rd St., Suite 308, Seattle, WA 98105.

C?ci I h e r i n g s Y

ENERGY BALANCING

WES™ COAST RADICAL FAERIES Wolf Creek in southern Oregon will be the site for a gathering of radical faeries during the last week of August. Write: Gathering, Dn Box 185} °ortland, *1R o7?o7_

fall

'ourjox

a™

R U NM pn

water

The Annual Fall Equinox Gathering for Men at Running Water will be celebrated on Sept. 1 9 - 2 1 . Pun ning Water is in the mountains of western North Carolina and is the home of RFD. Requested donation (pre-registration) is f30 including meals (vegetarian). Maps will be furnished with registration. Fee is negotionable. Write: RW, Rt. 1 Box 127-E, Bakersvilie, NC 28705; (704) 688-2447.

SOIAR BUILDING WORKSHOP Sirius is an intentional spiritual community in Amherst, Mass, and sponsors spiritual retreats and work shops during the year. There will be a Solar Building Apprenticeship Community Living Experience of 1 week, Aug 3-8 & Sept. 7-12, of 2 weeks, July 6-18 & July 20-Aug 1 & Sept 14-26; or for 3 weeks (Aug 10-29) at 5125 per week plus $230/week tor room & board. In addition to learning building skills and passive solar design, participants will share the daily meditations, group attunement and vegetarian meals with the community. Write: Sirius Community, PO Box 388, Amherst, MA 01004 or call (41?) 2591251 .

PAGAN EVENTS July 2-6, Midwest: Gaia Festival. Contact Gaia Registration, c/o Heartland, 2237 W. Morse Ave., Chi,cago, IL 60645. July 4-5, Northern Cal if.: Sommarsthing. Camping, workshops, etc. Norse and Teutonic flavor Pagan gathering. Write: Sommarsthing, PO Box 185, Camptonville, CA 95922. July 19-22, Ontario: Gathering for Life on Earth. Contact Sam Wagar, c/o Dragonfly Farm, Lake St. Peter, Ont., Canada KOL 2K0. July 23 Weekend, W. Penna. or F. Ohio Starwood Restival^ Write: A.C.E., 1643 Lee Rd. #9, Cleveland .Heights, OH 44118. August 2-3, Wisconsin: Lughnassad Festival will be held at the Circle Sanctuary in Wise, with workshops, rituals, and feasting. Write: Circle PO Box 219, Mt. Horeb, WI 53572. Aug. 7-10, Maryland: Harvest Survival and Healing Gathering including bard ic circles, workshops, feasts, and more. Write: Silver Web, PO Box 5628, Baltimore, MD 21210. August, Washington State: Solitaries' Convention. Workshops, rituals, net working, etc. for Pagans who practice alone. Write: Brandy Williams, PO Box 95620, Seal 1te, WA 98145-2620. August or September, Australia: Australian Wiccan Conference. Ritu als, etc. Write: Conference c/o Shadowplay, P0 Box 343, Petersham 2049, NSW, Australia. September 19-21, Wisconsin: Harvest Dream Festival, a celebration of Dream Life and the Fall Equinox at Circle Sanctuary. Write: Circle, P0 Box 219, Mt. Horeb, WI 53572.

EIHNOSTRESS American Indians, like other ethnic populations in the US, are experiencing "ethnostressaccording to John Mohawk, an Indian educator from New York. He defined ethnostress as a condition in which members of a certain ethnic population believe they are underachievers or cannot control their own destiny. "For more than 100 years Indian people have been told they were incompetent thinkers and could not handle managerial affairs, so the federal government would do that for them," Mohawk said. "Crazy Horse was one of the most brilliant men this Indian community has known. If he were alive today, he could bring his Indian nation economic development in a minute." Mohawk said Indian communities must re evaluate the needs of their people. "Who is doing our thinking for us? The tribal government needs to meet the needs of the community. The name of the game in economic development is not dollars, it's building a sustainable culture, or environment for the people."

IT AIN'T NECESSARILY SO...

NORTHERN CALIFORNIA FAIRIES The 9th California Men's Gathering will be held during October 1986, probably at Camp Swig, Scratoga (near San Jose). Call: Mica at (415)626-6032.

y MEN & MASCULINITY XI The 11th National Conference on Men and Masculinity will be held July 3-6, 10^6, on the campus o f Pglethorp Univ. in Atlanta, GA. fall: Don Long ill4)726-6137, or Cooper Thompson (617)868-8290 or Tom Mosmiller (415) R03-6A5 4 .

n o n -s e x i s t m e n 's g a t h e r i n g

The Fifth Annual Midwest Men's Festival will be held at Lake or the Ozarks State Park, Missouri, August 7 thru 18, 1986. Write: Midwest Men's Festival, c/o Everette E. Wright, 3815 Walnut #3, South, Kansas City, MO 64111 or call (816)753-0218 or 931-4596.

Y GAY GAMES II Gay Games II will be held in San Francisco Aug 9-17, 1986. A cultural week is planned in conjunction with the games. Seventeen individual and team sports will be featured at the games. There are no minimum standards necessary to enter the games--those at all levels of ability are encour aged to participate. Basketball, bowling, boxing, cycling, marathon, physique, pool, powerlifing, racquetball, soccer, softball, swimming & diving, tennis, track & field, triathalon, volleyball and wrestling are the sports scheduled for Gay Games II. Competition in both men's and women's groups will be held for all sports except wrestling, which will be for men only. Entry fees have been set at $20 per person, whether for an individual event or a team sport. Additional events may be entered for a fee of $10 each. Most sports have various age groups and some sports, such as track and field and swimming, have many dif ferent events. Complete info on how to enter specific sports may be obtained by contacting the Gay Games II, 526 Castro St., San Francisco, CA 84114 or call (415)861-8282.

y o r ’ARIO JAMBOREE An outdoor jamboree for gays and lesbians will be held Aug. 29-Sept 1, at Camp Timberlane, Ontario. Jamboree '86 is expected to draw participants from across North America and Europe. Write: Jamboree '86, PO Box 331, Station F, Toronto, Ontario, M4Y 2L7, Canada.

y GAY

eetings

and BISEXUAL JEWS

On Aug 29-31, 1986, the First Western Regional Conference of Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Jews will be held at Camp Swig, near San Jose, CA. Contact: Congregation Sha'ar Zahav, 220 Danvers St., San Francisco, CA 94114 or call (415)861-6932.

There will be a National Patriotic Political Conference on July 4-6, 1986, at Loyola Univ. campus in Chicago. The objective of the conf. is NOT a new political party, but a non-partisan political move ment based on the restoration of the ideals and aspirations of the Amer. Revolution. Such a movement will intervene at every level in the electoral process with candidates committed to the cause of Peace, Social Justice, Protection of the Environment, and Preservation and Expansion of Social Legislation. Write: Committee to Activate A Patriotic Majority, Suite 3A(N), 1300 W. Belmont, Chicago, IL 60657, or call (312)528-1212. y AIJj NEW YOU EXPERIENCE The Loving Brotherhood will be having its All New You rxperience weekends August 23 ft 24 at Sussex, NJ and Sept. 19 ft in New Hampshire, (exact place to be announced later). Write: PO Box 656, Sussex, NJ 07461.

y GIRTH & MIRTH

The San Francisco International Girth & Mirth Club, Inc. is preparing for CONVERGENCE 86, their fifth national big men's convention.lt will be held in San Francisco over the Labor Day weekend, Friday, Aug. 29 to Monday, y DISCOVERING THE CREATIVE YOU Sep. 1, 1986. Write: Mirth ft Girth, 485 Ellis St., San Francisco, CA 94102 A Healing ft Transformation Art or phone (415)680-7612. Therapy Playshop is available in San Francisco. Become a co-creator of our universe by removing the y GAY NATURALIST (Nudist) CONFERENCE obstacles that have prevented you from leading a fully balanced life. The Second Annual Gay Naturalist Contact: Joe Lawrence Lembo, PO Box Conference will be held Aug 1-3, 1986, 640444, San Francisco, CA 94164. at Summit Lodge, OH. This informal weekend of sharing and socializing is open to all who enjoy outdoor y THE MAGICAL CHILD MATURES nude recreation. Write: (with SASE) GLN, PO Box 7546, Atlanta, GA 30357. Joseph Chilton Pearce will present this

y INTERNATIONAL ORGANIC CONFERENCE The International Federation of Organic Agriculture Movements will hold its sixth international scienti fic conference on Aug. 18 - 21 at the University of California, Santa Cruz. Write: IFOAM, Agroecology Program, UC, Santa Cruz, CA 95064.

y INTERNATIONAL PERMACULTURE The Second International Permaculture Conference "Earthshare" will be held on Aug. 3 - 10 at Olympia, Wash. Among topics to be covered are: biothermal energy systems, land re habilitation, mycorrhizal research, global and biological systems. Write: I°C, p0 Box 2233, Olympia, WA 98507.

y GAY SQUARE DANCING CONVENTION San Francisco has been selected to host the 3rd International Gay Square Dance Convention, Aug 22-25, 1986. Dances, workshops, special events are planned. Contact: Sam Campbell, 'Star Thru The Golden Gate '86 Committee', 58a Castro St., SF CA 94114.

PATRIOTIC MAJORITY

y BIOREGIONAL CONGRESS The Second North American Bioregional Congress will be held on Aug. 14 Sept. 1 near Traverse City, Michigan. Write: MARC II, Box 3, Brixely, M0 65613.

workshop that re-evaluates how we develop, learn, create, and relate to our universe and offering a synthesis that unites quantum physics, current research, and ancient yogic psychology. It will be held Sept 12-14, 1986, at Rowe Camp. Write: Rowe Camp, Kings Highway R d ., Rowe, MA 01367. y OMEGA TNS'T'rnJrrE PROGRAMS The Omega Institute For Holistic Studies has an elaborate program for this summer. It is located in Rhinebeck, New York and sponsors a wide range of programs and workshops dealing with "education for personal and professional growth in an age of transition." Among many others, the following is a brief list of some that might be of special interest to RFDers: "The Art of Science of Stress Reduction and Health Enhance ment" (July 5-6, $125; J Kabat-Zinn and S Santorelli); "Chinese Medicine and Acupuncture" (Aug. 2-3, $125; T Kaptchuk); "Maximun Immunity" (June 30-July 4; $200, M Weiner); "The Scientist a d the Shaman" (July 26-27, $95, Achterberg-Lawlis-HarnerLeShan); "Recreating Manhood" (Aug. 2-3, $95, C Kreiner). Write: Omega Institute, RD 2 Box 377, Rhineback, NY 12572.

f SELF-HEALING TAPE ON AIDS

y STUDY OF ADIS SURVIVORS

The House of the Dawn, a gay ashram in Phoenix, has prepared a cassette tape for self-hypnosis "to help to make that change from fear to love and peace." They also do private counseling and Energy Balancing. Tape #2 on AIDS sells for $7.50 (plus $1.40 for postage and handling). Write: HOD, P0 Box 5336, Phoenix, AZ 85010.

n E A LT H Repudiating Fatal Diseases

AIDS VIDEO

y MAN RIDS HIMSELF OF AIDS

According to Howard B. Casmey, chair, of Health Edutech, developers of the first interactive video disc program on AIDS, "The cure for AIDS may still be years away, but we can begin controlling the spread of the disease through lifestyle changes." Casmey said the AIDS program is designed to provide detailed info, on what AIDS is, how it is transmitted, and the symptoms, diagnosis, and treatment of the disease. rduTech Courseware offers a Learning Center Rental Program in which a disc, player, and monitor can be rented for periods of two weeks or more. There are also purchase plans for disc, player and monitor, or disc only. Write: Howard Rubin at EduTech Courseware, 7801 East Bush Lake Road, Minneapolis, MN 55435 or call (612)831-0445.

y AIDS IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY

The National Coalition of Black Lesbians and Gays is sponsoring a national conference on the subject of AIDS in the Black Community. It will be held at the Washington Conference Center, Wash. DC on Friday, July 18, 1986. Call; (202)737-5276. Write: NLBLG, 930 F St., NW, Suite 514, Wash. DC 20004.

T AIDS

SOURCEBOOK

In a item in the "Helquist Report" in The Advocate (#447), there is a report of a San Francisco man in jected with the AIOS virus who has evidently eliminated it from his sys tem without medical treatment. The report comes from the American Socie ty for Microbiology (Washington, DC) by Jay Levy, MD, an AIDS researcher from San Francisco. Levy reports that about 40 other men with similiar experiences are also being monitored by his colleagues at the Univ. of California. SF. He noted that this one individual "changed his lifestyle' after learning he was infected. He was especially careful not to com promise his immune system through alcohol or drug use, or exposure to sexually transmitted diseases. Levy cautions that it is uncertain whether the virus had been completely removed or it had simply become latent and integrated into the man's cells. Levy states, " The message is that there is some indication that an in dividual, once infected with the virus, can control it."

Statistics on AIDS show that 80X of people diagnosed two years ago have died. Yet little attention is paid to the 20% of cases who survive longer. In particular, there has been no systematic study of people who continue to live in a stable state of health for much longer periods. The Boston AIDS action Committee (BAAC) is planning a study of long term survivors of AIDS to try to identify factors which may have contributed to their long survival. It is hoped this infor mation will be useful to victims of AIDS and those studying the disease as wel1. If you have AIDS which was diagnosed more than two years ago, the BAAC would like to hear from you. The following information would be most helpful: -Name, address, telephone §, and date of diagnosis; -Particular AIDS related condition you have had (i.e. KS, PCP, or other infection(s)); -Any experimental treatment protocols in which you have participated; -Any special modifications in diet, drugs, or lifestyle, or non-traditional medications which you believe may have contributed to your survival. All info will be kept structly confi dential. The BAAC will contact some respondants for further information. Contact: Survival Study, c/o John Whyte, MD, PhD, BAAC, 661 Boylston St. Boston, MA 02116.

y CANADIAN AIDS PRISON PROJECT y 'NO' TO MASSIVE HTLV 'TESTING

Health care professionals in the forefront of the fight against AIDS have denounced the government's recent recommendation to mass test individuals at high risk for AIDS. Attendees at the Seventh National Lesbian and Gay Health Conf. and Fourth National AIDS Forum in Wash. DC, March 13-16, opposed any parti cipation in a mass HTLV-III testing program.

The Sourcebook of Alternative and Holistic Hea 1th Care for AIDS and Its~Prevention is a sourcebook of description, bibliography, and Practitioners in the Wash. DC, Baltimore MD area. It can be ordered for $3. from the Whitman Walker Clinic, y NC AIDS SUPPORT AIDS Education Fund, 2335 18th St., NW, Wash DC 20009. The Answer Group is a psychotherapy service that can help AIDS victims and their families deal with wide spread AIDS hysteria and the tragic y NATURAL THERAPIES PRESENTATION rejection of victims. Write: Answer Group, 4900 Waters Edge Dr., Suite Medical practitioners sponsored by 175, Raleigh, NC 27606 or call (919) the Human Energy Church and the 851-8688. 1 Holistic Health Journal will present the latest findings on treating AIDS with natural therapies on y PWAs PLEASE RESPOND AUG 23-24, 1986 at Cathedral Hill Hotel in San Francisco, CA. Awards Tom Howard is seeking contact with totaling $3,000 will be given to the PWAs who are using holistic or alter best scientific paper. Write: native approaches to AIDS or ARC and The Human Energy Church, 370 W. doing so with excitement and some San Bruno Ave., Suite D, San Bruno, poistive results. Write: T om Ho w a rd > CA 94066, or call (415)873-0139. ^ Canal St., Vest Medford, MA 55.

A new AIDS group in Kingston, Ontar io is applying pressure at the federal level of the Correctional Services to encourage the release of AIDS information to the general inmate population. Any suggestions or related experiences would be appreciated by the group. Write: CADD, C.P. 12Q , Saint Chrystostome, Puebec, J0S 1RP, Canada.

» rn-rotAjmiHIC SEMINARS Endicott College at Beverly, MA, will be hosting an introductory seminar on homeopathic medicine July 12-25 Courses for medical professionals MD, RN, DDS, and DVM) are held July -Aug 8. Write: National Center for Homeopathy, 1500 Massachusetts Ave MW, Wash. DC ?nnn5 or call (202) ” 223-618?.

y VEGGIE MEDICINES

IRED Forum, a quarterly publication, (S20/yr) gives information on the medicinal value of various plants, such as onion juice as a disinfectant, carrots to stop itching, and banana bark to speed healing of cuts. Write: Case 116, 3 rue de Varembe, 1211 Geneva 20, SWITZERLAND.

f ARE AMERICAN NUCLEAR PLAIN'S SAFE? In the rush to "reassure" the public government spokesmen have claimed that American nuclear power plants are not of the same design as the Russian plant in Chernobyl. Accord ing to a May article by Stuart Dia mond (via NY Times News Serv.) the Chernobyl plant was much more like US plants in design than was thought. The Chernobyl plant was apparantly quite new (three years) and had in corporated many safety features in cluding a containment design. The largest difference seems to be in the Russian's use of graphite instead of water, however, once the explosion occured the containment was not suf ficient. There is no reason to be lieve that American containment would fair any better.

I Y

COAL IS CHEAPER The Atomic Industrial Forum has for the first time admitted that nuclear power is more expensive than coal power. A study released last Sept, showed that nuclear electricity was produced in 1984 for an average cost of 4.1 cents per kilowatt-hour com pared to 3.4 cents per kilowatt-hour for coal fired electricity.

F a l l o u t

Descends

RADIOACTIVE WASTE DISPOSAL

Y PLUTONIUM THREAT IN COLORADO A citizens' group in Denver, Co, has asked the state government to delay the plowing of contaminated land near the Rocky Flats plutonium processing plant until more studies can be done on the health impact.

LEVEL RADIATION IS DEADLY

The State Health Dept, was planning to plow over 400 acres near the f>lant which had been contaminated by leaks between 1958 and 1968. One hundred acres contains more than 8 times the level allowed by the Health Dept.

TAIWAN'S NUCLEAR WASTE Citizen action in Washington state is at least temporarily preventing 36 casks of high-level nuclear waste from being shipped from Taiwan to the reprocessing facility at Savannah River, South Carolina. The US Dept, of Energy had planned to receive monthly shipments beginning in April. The shipments would be unloaded in Seattle and trucked across the US to South Carolina. A citizen group, the Northwest Inland Water Coalition, has filed suit in federal court to stop the shipments. The office of Washington Gov. Booth Gardner has requested additional safeguards for the shipments, and the Seattle local of the Int. Long shoremen's and Warehousemen's Union unanimously voted not to handle the radioactive waste casks or to unload other cargo from the ships carrying the casks. The local Greenpeace organ, is also working to block the shipments. The Dept, of Energy is said to be working out an understanding with Wash, about the shipments. The state will hold public hearings after an agreement is reached. But the lawsuit, which asks that an environmental impact statement be prepared, also must be settled before the shipments may occur.

Also, the survey does not take into consideration costs of nuclear power plants that have been cancelled, such as Zimmer, Marble Hill in Indiana and Midland in Michigan. The billions of dollars invested in these plants may be paid at least in part by consumers.

In March 1984, a Moroccan laborer working at a power plant construction site found ai\d took home a button sized piece of Iridium-192, which had outlived its usefulness as a detector of faulty welds in pipes. For the next 3 months, the laborer and his family were exposed to this radiation source, which the NRC classifies as "low-level waste" and can legally be tossed into any ap proved landfill. All 8 died of massive lung hemorrhages. It was over a year later that the NRC finally acknowledged the tragedy publicly. A similar case was recalled in Mexico 20 years ago and parallels were drawn with the 1984 incident where a quantity of Cobalt-60 'accidently* found its way into tons of stainless steel which were made into table legs and sold in the US. (See RFD #44, p.7)

Radioactive

The Nuclear Regulatory Commission has said it will hold a hearing this summer. Several organizations have announced concerns about the plan; the Toledo Coalition for Safe Energy and the State of Ohio have been accepted as formal intervenors in the hearing.

However, according to economist Charles Komanoff, the AIF survey is skewed in favor of nuclear power--coal power actually has a greater edge than the survey shows. The survey only includes costs of coal power from utilities that also own nuclear plants. Coal plants owned by non-nuclear utilities produce energy cheaper because they are run at a higher capacity factor.

Y LOW

A report released April 1 by the Nuclear Regulatory Comm, stated that measurable levels of uranium and fluoride have been found outside KerrMcGee's uranium processing plant in Gore, OK, following the Jan. 4 accident there that killed one worker and injured 32 others. The release, caused by a ruptured cask of uranium hexa fluoride, sent a plume of the toxic gas 20 miles downwind. However, the report asserted there would be "no lasting ecological harm" outside the plant.

uclear

Toledo Fdison, operator of the DavisBesse nuclear plant near Port Clinton, Ohio, is planning to dispose of its low-level radioactive waste on company land near the reactor. The company proposes to dredge settling ponds and dispose of radioactive resins and other wastes, possibly hazardous, in trenches.

NAVAL NUCLEAR MISHAPS The US Navy, proded by the American Friends Service Committee, has released a report acknowledging 630 nuclear mishaps between 1965 and 1985. While the majority of incidents seem to be minor, the Navy's definition of 'incident' includes actions that "could unintentionally set off a weapon's arming sequence". In plain English, that means detonation and a major nuclear disaster.

OKLAHCMA NUCLEAR LEAK

The citizens' group, Plan Jeffco, contends that the plowing might suspend plutonium particles and cause a health hazard. Plutonium is most dangerous when inhaled; it is estimated that as little as onemillionth of a gram may cause lung cancer. Rocky Flats processes plutonium for use in the triggers of hydrogen bombs.

NUKE WEAPONS DEMAND A US Dept, of Energy official has said that uranium processing plant at Fernald, OH, northwest of Cincinnati, would have been shut down several years ago if the demand for nuclear weapons hadn't skyrocketed in recent years. Fernald produces uranium slugs for use in plutonium production reactors, which make plutonium for nuclear weapons. The weapons boom has increased the work force from 400 in 1982 to 1370 now. The plant has been criticized over the past 18 months for releases of uranium dust into the surroundings.

Y GRAND

CANYON URANIUM MINING

Strip mining, right in one of our national monuments! The rape of one of the world's natural wonders has already been decided upon by the powers that be and one mine may be located less than 2 miles from the park's main entrance. The Park Service's overriding concern at this point seems to be nothing more than how to hide this obscenity from the tourists. Write: The Grand Canyon Uranium Mine, Supervisor Leonard Lindquist, Kaibab National Forest, 800 6th St. Williams, AZ 86046.

an tier

E f l $0«t* bp franklin Abbott Having edited poetry for RFD since Issue #40, I've had the pleasure of corresponding with many poets as I've read their poems and made selections for 9 issues of RFD now. My intent here is to share with the readers something about some of these poets. I hope to do this again in the future and do so now because these are all men worth knowing bet.ter--not just because of their craft in writing, their craft in living is also of note. In this issue you'll learn more about nntler, C.K.DeRugeris, Bru Dye, Steven Finch, Daniel Garrett, Rill nouge and John Landry. All have had more than one poem printed in RFD in the last year.

Antler ("Chipmunk Crucifixion" #44, "Whitmansexual" #46, and "Beyond The Call of Duty" #47) was born in Milwaukee and grew up in Wauwatosa (Chippewa for "firefly"). He worked "his way through college" in various factories. As John Juir left the University of Wisconsin (Madison) for "the University of the Wilderness" in 1863, Antler left the Milwaukee campus for the same destination in 1973. Besides factories, he has explored wildernesses in Upper Peninsula Michigan, Minnesota, Ontario, Colorado and Cali fornia.

X.fccJtuatris

FACTORY (published by City Lights) is only one of his many amazing poems. Poems no less profound for their generous humor. Fugitive lines dashed in factories and leisurely lines breathed into mountain vistas. Since 1968 poems by Antler have appeared in periodicals ranging from American Poetry Review to Total Abandon, and including Earth First!, New Directions Anthology, City Lights Journal, CoEvolution Quarter!y, Minnesota Review, Kyoto Review, Mickle Street Review, the Bugle American, the San Francisco ExaminerChronicle, Blake Times, New Blood, "he World, and the wTsconsin °oets Calendar. rnquiries regarding readings, etc., should be addressed to: Antier c/o City Lights Bookstore, 261 Columbus Avenue, San Francisco, California °4133. C.K.DeRugeris ("Jesus" #44, "A Devil Dreams of Heaven" #45, "The Lenny's Hot Dog Liberation Front" #46): died April 30, 1945, Berlin, Germany; born: May 1, 1945, Atlantic f.ity, NJ. Semi-fat white male 5'11", graduated Glassboro State College 1967, went to Temple Graduate School of Social Administration for one year, but couldn't take it any more...taught high school rnglish for a while., have had maybe 200 jobs since...am presently a secretary for a local supplier...1ike to drink, gamble and other such trashy things... I have been published by maybe 50 small presses but I don't keep good track of things these days...I was published in Rolling Stone several years ago (a four line poem), I enjoy doing readings when I get a chance... they seem more alive than printed work...anyway, I still have not been published in collected form by a world famous publisher...but I can wait...I mean that would take all the fun out of beinq what I am...I mean, as Richard said to Liz in Who Is Afraid of Virginia WoIf?... "there are believe me, easier things in this world than being married to the daughter of the president of that university...

•Bill Bill Gouge (Recent publications-""Write About" #43, "Song of Marlene" #45, and "i should be sleeping" #47): I am a professional pianist employed by the NC Arts Council ■through the NC Visiting Artist Program. I was born in Burnsville, NC in 1958, and started to write poetry in my 12th year as a way to deal with myself and my sexuality in relation to the world around me. In college I was active in the poetry fraternity Sigma Upsilon, and upset everyone at Oueens College by reading erotic homosexual poems at the poetry readings. I learned about RFD and faeries through M ichael Mason, who I love dearly and whose support I will always remember & cherish. I sincerly appreciate the opportunity to publish my work and share my world with others through RFD.

&ani*l tiamtt

Poems have appeared in: LIPS, Beatitude(SF), Contact II Greenfield Review, Exquisite Corpse, Poetry Motel , NRG, City CanticTe(SF), Skyway Peninsula, elsewhere.

Daniel Garrett ("Gary and Chester: in your house" #46, "We Ache As we Move" #47) is a writer of poetry and fiction. He was born in the American South, growing tall with the love of mother and grandmother, clean air and open fields, both inspired and frightened by the penchant of southerners to be distinctly idiosyncratic personalit ies, each crazed and wise, sensual and communal in his or her own way. He moved to New York to live and study, first attending a city university before transferring to the New School for Social Research, from which he grad uated with a B.A. He has studied black literature with Addison Gayle, one of the leading architects of the black aesthetic. Daniel has participated in writing workshops headed by former Esquire editor Alice Morris, critic and poet D.H.Melhem, and popular young gay writer Dennis Cooper at the St. Mark's Poetry Project. He has been a member of two writing collectives: the excellent House of Poets in Harlem, and Blackheart in Greenwich Villaqe. Currently, he is considering attending graduate school to study writing. Now, he works in a college bookstore and is an active participant in the college labor union, organizing a labor union bulletin. His favorite writers are Rainer Rilke, Adrienne Rich, James Baldwin, Audre Lorde, James Purdy and a hundred others there's not enough space to name. As Baldwin said of himself, Daniel wants" to be an honest man and a good writer; as difficult as that can be, he wants also to achieve a peace and joy with himself and his country which has yet eluded him and so many for so long: these are his dreams and they are his work.

Has had readings and performances at: Library of Congress, City Lights Bookstore, San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, American Indian Community House Gallery (NY), Afro-American Cultural & Historical Center/SF, New York Book Fair/1PR4, International Anti-WWIII Exhibit/SF, universities, cafes, streets, elsewhere. He has been employed as: factory worker, quahaugger, scallop-shucker, tutor, library assistant, landscaper, house painter, editorial assistant, collector of unem ployment checks, volunteer worker, space consultant, gardner, Nat.Amer. hist/cult. lecturer. His educational background is: So. E. Mass. Univ./ literature & art; Stonehill Col./Meditation & Social Change; Naropa Institue of Buddhist Studies; Jack Kerouac School of Disembodied Poetics; Maui Community Col 1ege. He has lived in Massachusettes, California, Maui/Hawaii, Patmos/Greece, and Washington, D.C.

•irtt Bru Dye ("It's Snowing" 8 "Ice Station" #46, "Brilliant Orange Flowers Attract . . ." #47):

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Growing up I lived in East Tennessee, Ireland, Arizona, and Illinois. Presently live in Brooklyn, N.Y., my desk overlooking the tulips and stalking cats. I've had over 40 poems published in various publications, including The James White Review, Fag Rag, and the forthNo Apologies. Two chapbooks: able « <2.50.

Looksee and Public Joy, the latter avail

Edited R issues of Seditious Delicious, a magazine of anti-authoritarian poetry. Presently editing an anthology of gay anarchist articles and essays. Submissions and/or correspondence welcome, as are referrals to already printed material. Two plays performed in New York: Syzygy and Amnesia. A third play, Bobo Eats Bananas, is nearing completion.

Steven Finch ""A Pastoral of a Sort" & "Down On The Farm" #40, "Boogie At The Bars" & "The City Slick To The Shephert" #42, "Gathering the Leavings" #44, "Autumn May be Brief" & "Why This Time of Rest" #45, "Pierce Pansy Plotting His Summer Garden" #46 and "A Ballade Without Music" #47) was born and raised near Chicago. At 17, he got his first taste of Europe and, since then, has spent most of his days there. At 31, he now resides in Switzerland, where he is teaching and working on a grad uate degree. He is the translator of Treasures of the Night: The Collected Poems of Jean Genet and has contri buted botTTtranslations of poetry and his own poetry to several small press publications.

Just finiahed a chapbook of xeroxed gay-lib collages called Aqua. Available for $1. Interested in utopian ideas and subversives of all kinds radical faggots and dykes, feminists, rebels, marginals and free spirits of the world. We are alive! Send correspondence to: P.0. Box 6981, NY, NY

Jo & tt t a u b v v John Landry ("Disconnected Love" #42, "I Don't need A Greek Statue" #44, "When A Bare is Like A Crocus In The Snow" #45, "Midnight/Crack of the Wishbone" #46, "Last Love Song" #47) bl953 , Catholic Buddhist Anarchist Taoist Earthdweller Poet is editor of Patmos Press, chapbook series 1976-1981 , co-editor of No End To Fal 1 River, anthology, 1984, and is co-editor of Whaling City Review, 1986.

10150.

In 1°33, several multinational corporations interested in the natural resources in the JUA petitioned the Federal Governemnt to define who owned the rights to these re sources. The government replied that "It would appear that both tribes owned the mineral rights to the area." It became clear that the land would have to be divided between the two tribes in order to give the corporations access. At this point, the two attorneys who represented the government appointed tribal councils became involved. These attorneys were at the same time directly connected with the multi-national corporations. Through a series of manoevers they convinced the two tri bal councils to sue each other over the rights to the land. They also convinced the councils to sign away future mineral rights and use the revenues to pay for this legal action, thus guaranteeing the multi-national corporations the right to access. It finally went to court in 1Q60. Although the decision gave the Hopi ex clusive rights over the Hopi Reservation, the mineral rights to the JUA remained undivided between the Hopi and the Navajo.

B i g

Meanwhile, since the early I95D's, a curious relationship had developed among the Hopi Tribal Council, their Mormon lawyers from Salt Lake City, the Peabody Coal Company (which is a corporation with large Mormon investment and which has a 65,000-acre strip mine in the contested territory), officials of the Interior Department, and certain members of Congress.

Ge n o c i d e July

7th

Native Their

Death People

In lq71 there was a renewed push for a 50-50? surface par tition of the JUA. The BIA, their attorneys, and the rederal Government hired FYans and Associates, a public relations firm from Salt Lake City (which is also Mormon owned) to stage a "range war" between the Hopi and Navajo, "hey brought in the press which was told the Indians were fighting amongst themselves. The strategy was effective; in 1974 the Navajo-Hopi Land Settlement Act was passed (PL 93-531).

and

C u ltu re by

Lynn

Stephens

"In our trad itio n al tongue, there is no m rd {{or relocation. To move am if means to disappear and never be seen again ." -Pauline Whiesinger The Big Mountain Support Group is seeking pledges of re sistance to peacefully confront the MS Marshalls on July 7. Larry Anderson, a member of the Dineh Nation Traditional Elders and of the American Indian Movement (AIM) Central Council, has called for a day of protest on that date not only at Big Mountain, the ancestral homeland of the Dineh in the Four Corners region o f the Southwest, but also on the steps of the U.S. Capitol. In 1909 coal was discovered in the Joint Use Area (JUA) of the Navajo and Hopi Reservations. In addition, the land was found to be endowed with tremendous reserves of un tapped oil, natural gas and ground water resources as well as "unknown" uranium potential. In 19?!, when standard Oil found oil on the *'avajo Reser vation, t^ey went to the matrilineal traditional leader ship for permission to explore on the reservation. How ever, the traditional leadership voted 7C to 0 against any kind exploration or exploitation or the natural resources, t'rideterred, the ’’ureau o f Indian Affairs (&IA) went out and Found five l'avajo men who were willing to sion the leases. The Federal Government then said that they would only recognize these five men as the tribal leader ship. The same system was developed for the Hopi, and was so successful that it was the model for the farreaching Indian Reorganizing Act of I0!!.

The traditional Navajo and Hopi Elders have gone to the US Government and have tried to tell them that they do not want this law; it is based on fraud and misinformation and a carefully constructed myth that says that there is a dis pute between the Navajo and the Hopi. The Elders of both nations say that the dispute is actually between the Pro gressives (the Government supported Tribal Council members and their immediate families) and the Traditionals. Less than 15% of the people vote in the federally recognized tribal elections because they do not recognize the Tribal Council as their government and do not believe in that form of government anyway. If the 1974 Land Settlement Act is inforced on its July 7 deadline, it will be the biggest relocation of Native Ameri cans since the Nineteenth Century. (Remember the infamous "Trail of Tears" of the Cherokee who were forced to walk crom Georgia to Oklahoma). This could set off the first major uprising since the siege of Wounded Knee in 1973. Katherine Smith, a grandmother from the Rig Mountain com munity, was arrested a few years ago for shooting her rifle over the heads of a crew sent by the Bureau of Indian Af fairs to build a fence on the partition line. Today she tells the PIA, "You can just go ahead and kill me right now. This is where I will die." The traditional Navajo (Dineh) live a very isolated exist ence on the land. They are (or were until the passage of the Act) totally self-sufficient and have no electricity or running water. Futhermore, they say that they don't want any! They are shepherds and need a wide land base to graze their sheep. They rely on their sheep for food and for the wool to weave the beautiful Navajo blankets and other clothing. The rest of the land on the Navajo Reservation is in use, so these traditionals will be re located to hostile white-majority border towns. Most of these people speak no English. They have never dealt with a cash economy and can't understand sewage bills, tax pay ments, etc. Out of 3,300 Navajo people who have already

been relocated since 1974 , 50,? have lost everything. This is confirmed by the House Subcommittee on Interior and Insular Affairs which reported on March 25, 1985 to the Appropriations Committee that the Indian Relocation Com mission program is not working: "59" of the uprooted fami lies, primarily in Flagstaff, have already lost their 'substitute' homes due to loan 'oreclosure and unscrupu lous real estate practices." According to other statistics, 30? of those who were 18 years of age or older at the time they were relocated are already dead. The hanks get lists of the relocatees and convince them to take out loans the,/ cannot possibly repay. Even when their homes are lost, it is illegal for these oeoole to qo back to the reservations to live. According to the Relocation Commission, 30 of those relocated (still living) are on the streets and desti tute. Many have turned to alcohol, drugs, and suicide. The original estimate of $34 million to move 3,000 Indian people has grown into 4:1 .c billion in taxpayers' money to pay for moving an actual l.^.onn individuals.

Bahe kadenehe is a young Dineh man from Big Mountain whose family's lands are split by the partition. For several years he has been an interpreter for the elders who speak no English and do not understand the white man's law. Faced with being criminalized for remaining at home, he has resolved to do whatever he feels honor and dignity demand. There is 1i111e to lose by resisting. He told one reporter, "Ma.yhe we'll take to the hills. That is how our ancestors resisted, ^ur umbilical cords are buried here. ,fe can't leave. This is our home."

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Included in this public law is a Livestock Deduction nrder. This gave the government the right to con'iscate of all sheep, horses, and any other livestock. cor people who live on a subsistence level, this means starvation. It, together with the ban on all new building and improve ments to existing structures (which has prevented the people from repairing their hogans), has effectively forced many of the traditionals to relocate. The live stock reduction order was condemned as genocide by the 1980 Fourth Bertrand Russell Tribunal on American Indian Rights held in Amsterdam.

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The rationale given by the government for this order was that the Navajo were over-grazing the land. This is an interesting statement considering the 3 million gallons of water being drained each day from the aquifer into a coal slurry line which runs 235 miles from Black Mesa to Nevada. (Black Mesa is one of the four sacred mountains and is being extensively stripmined for coal). cor this fragile desert plateau, it means ecological disaster. There is a delicate balance of underground water (the aquifer) and precipitation, and i' the water level Hrops too low, all life is endangered. Brass is getting in creasingly scarce. The Mational Academy of Sciences states that this area must he declared a "National Sacrifice Area" which means that the land is unreclaimahle and will be "sacrificed" for energy uses.

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WHAT IS BFING DONE

There are 49 uranium mines on the Navajo reservation. Uranium is only found in water-bearing geological layers and they are pumping the water out o f the mines and 'reely into the desert. This water is radioactive. It is leach ing back down into the aquifer which is one of the major underground oceans on this continent. It supplies drink ing water and irrigation for the whole southwestern region of the U.S. Add to this the pollution from the radioactive gasses and tailings. In some areas of the reservation, the people live in radioactive houses ouilt with cinderblock made from the tailings. Many of the elders are watching the remaining 10? of their sheep get sick, go blind, go crazy or die. They are afraid to eat the meat for 'ear it is contaminated.

American Indian Movement (AIM) leaders including Dineh (Navajo) and Hopi elders toured cities in the East and Midwest in March and April speaking to overflow audiences. The meetings were sponsored by the Big Mountain Support Group, the International Indian Treaty Council, and the People's Antiwar Mobilization/Al1 Peoples Congress. "We are the evidence of these who have endured, and on July 7 we will stand up against the Mational Guard and the U.S. Marshalls," said Larry Anderson to a standingroom audience of 500 in Mew York City in March. And, according to the Bay Guardian, Dineh Elder Jane Biokeddy told the audiences that a 300-mile barbed wire fence between the Navajo and Hopi has been smashed by Indian women. "Today in Big Mountain you don't see much fence. We tore it down."

A report from Women of A11 Ded "'at ions M'AR*') states that in some areas o' the "avajo Reservation over ^ of al1 oregnancies end in spontaneous ahort'on. he other health statistics from the contaminated areas are equaliv as horrifyino, including drastic increases in birth defects. The Federal Government., however, states that no positive link between these situations and the radioactivity has been proven.

In a March ,?? interview with the Bay Guardian, Larry An derson said the anti-relocation druggie w"as "gathering strength. !fe just came back from Atlanta where the state legislature voted to urge Congress to repeal the Relocation Act, as did the Atlanta City Council." nn "arch 27, the Detroit r ity rouncil presented a resolution urging Congress to repeal the act. rhe '•'asMnnton (DC) city council is ex pected to approve a similar resolution as are other city and state legislative bodies. cn April 7 , 1 ,°90 n ig Moun tain supporters gathered at the Berkeley campus o' the University o' California to show their opposition to the relocation.

The traditional uopi and “avajo are the two most culturally intact tribes le't in the ".S., and t^e M, ng n (total num ber) people to he relocated represent a large percentage of the traditional people that are lett. In uopi prophesy, they believe that if any of this land is disturbed there vill be great calamity on this earth. They believe this area to be one end of the spiritual pole o' this planet. Their prophesies tell them that they are to protect the earth as their mother. These people understand that Big Mountain is a holy place and has an essential role in maintaining the forces and energies in North America.

Supporters of the opposition to the relocation project should write their congressional representatives. Senator Dennis DeConcini (Arizona) and Congressman nete Domenici (New Mexico) have made moderate attempts to block the relocation. They need Congressiona1 support. Also write Rep. Morris Udall who is the Chairman of the House Committe on Interior and Insular Affairs and will play a key role in this issue. For more information on how you can help with this problem, write: Big Mountain Legal Committee, 124 N. San Francisco St., Flagstaff, AZ 86001; (602) 774-6923.

REST

S- T O P Randy

Krahn

about Wolf Creek. (Rick knew about Wolf Creek too, having read about the area in several old issues of a gay country journal he picked up at a used book store.)

"REST STOP - 1 MILE" The green freeway sign passed by at not much faster than the posted 55 mile limit. Rick was on a leisurely trip down Interstate 5. Spring break from Portland State University was to last a good ten days and this was to be time spent travelling light and easy, but with purpose. That coffee stop in Canyonville was having its effect, as the green Datsun pickup slipped easily down the offramp. Young maple trees and a freshly striped parking lot ushered Rick to his stopping stopping spot near the restrooms. He made a deliberate survey o f the area. "I wonder i f this is like those 'rest stops' I’ve heard about in Portland?" thought Rick with somewhat tentative hope. It was no mystery that the rest area south of Rick's hometown was requented by homosexual men. Even the daily papers talked of it. Rick passed by it that morning shortly after leaving home; he didn't stop though. Later he thought he should have. But at this one he did stop. And it wasn't just the relief of a urinal that called him, but that growing, solidifying realization that he, Rick Cavilino, 20 years old, business major, pretty cute guy, was for sure and positively gay. And he was determined to catch up on a lot of lost time. The "how" of that determination would take care of itself and Rick was very ready. The short walk to the wood and stone shelter had felt good as Rick pushed open the ruggedly-built door marked "MEN".

Rick spoke with a slight quiver in his voice. "Yea, I know a couple of gay men in Portland. They've been together for ten years." Rick really didn't know any gay couples. In fact, he didn't know anyone who was gay, at least knowing them by name. But he wasn't about to let loose of this conversation. "That's a long time, huh?" "Not really." said Matt. "I've been out since '80 and have know lots of gay couples that have been together that long." Matt had no hesitation in bringing his own gayness into the conversation. Experience was on his side and he had seen Rick's type before. He had sensed it from the initial conversation in the rest room. Here was a young man with a twinge of innocence in his voice and a sense of delicacy that made Matt flutter just a bit inside. If Rick was ready, so was Matt. Rick gave a brave chuckle and came out with the words that had been whirling around in his mind. "Hey, I'm one of those too. Uh, I mean I'm your kind. I'm gay too!"

t Twilight was just now bowing to the flow of the night and stars as Rick turned the little pickup to the west. They were at the base of the Weed offramp. "Black Butte, 5 miles" pointed the weathered highway sign. "This is it." thought Rick, though he really wasn't sure what "it" was. Last winter he had affirmed his sexuality at a men's group meeting, but the men were all straight. This was defi nitely a "first time" for this city boy: first gay man he had ever really talked with, told his name to, became friends with, and now he had offered to take this man all the way home.

"Hi there!" The voice came from the far corner where the contents of a backpack with its blond-haired owner were arranged. Rick returned the greeting as he approached the urinal. A slight twinge moved through his gut. He found himself in conversation with the young stranger, and volunteered the information that he was headed south, from Portland. "I'm headed south too. Matt's my name. Portland's a nice town; came through there yesterday." The details came in short bursts as the backpack was being stuffed. Matt was suddenly in a hurry. This could be a chance for a good ride. "Mind if I come along? Not going far, just south to the Weed exit. I just live a few miles west of there, near Black Butte, know the place?"

Matt was obviously excited over the reality of getting a ride home and having it given by a gay brother like Rick. The invitation to stay overnight and start the journey fresh tomorrow came as the two headed away from the country road and down a steep, somewhat rutted dirt drive way.

Rick didn't know the place but something told him that he might want to.

"I'd like that!" said Rick. But are you sure I'll be able to get out of here in the morning? If not, I might have to stay a while longer!"

"Uh, no. But yeah, why not come with me. I've got the room. A few extra sandwiches too, if you’re hungry." The Kelty pack filled quickly with two pairs of hands now stuffing instead of one. The two new friends were obviously enjoying each other's company. Matt was right. This was indeed going to be a good ride. They both munched on sandwiches as they headed into the sunny Oregon afternoon. Matt was first to notice as the Wolf Creek passed by. The conversation switched to his telling Rick of some gay men he knew there. "Lots of gay guys live out in those hills. One couple I know has been up there nearly six years."

"You'll get up it okay. But you probably won't want to leave. Country living can be pretty addictive you know. It's clean air and quiet whispers at night and good, hard work and home-grown food in the daytime. And we play, too. Can't forget that! We have special rates for virgins." Rick was definitely a virgin to country living and pretty much a virgin to sex. He wondered aloud as to which one Matt referred to.

The topic sort of caught Rick by surprise, but not really. He had been wondering how to bring up the subject of sexuality ever since they had left the rest stop. It never did seem quite right to bring it up directly, even to hitchikers. He wanted very much to know if Matt was gay, but he hadn't been out himself long enough to feel comfor table with gay conversation. Now, here was this guy bring ing it up first! Matt knew some gay men, and he knew

"Rates the same all around." Matt teased, not really pursuing the subject. He knew that tonight would be a mighty fine night to remember and he was going to keep it fun. The headlights illuminated the small cabin-like home set amid piles of firewood and randomly stored "junk". It was a good country house, one that fairly matched the picture in Rick's mind. He wondered if the light of morning would bring the presence of a chicken coop and

tire swing. But he wondered not for long, as the thoughts of tonight began to accumulate in his head. The path to the front door went black as the headlights were shut off.

still-hard cock gave a little jolt. Two bodies rolled together into the soft weave of the hammock. Rick's virginity was being served the last rites, and he was loving it.

"Come on, I know the way by touch of toe to ground." Matt confidently closed the truck door and took hold of Rick's waist. In the starlight and quarter moon Matt's soft beard brushed Rick's chin as their lips met. Instinctual passion took over for the two as lithe bodies came closer and young hands sent messages of good feelings. Matt wanted it to be love. Rick knew it was discovery. They both knew it was good, as they moved somewhat clumsily to the front door. It was with momentary reluctance that Matt let go of Rick to open the door.

For the first time, Rick was able to admire Matt's totally nude body. The red underwear hadn't hidden much but now they lay discarded. The two hugged and kissed, explored and enjoyed. The friendship that had brought them together several hours previous was now showing itself in gentle man-to-man loving. The feel of the bodies' heat, the squeeze of new textures on new cocks, the smell of country and city together. It was moving and exciting for Rick. It was love and fulfillment for Matt. For both it was a reality they didn't want to pass back into those countless dreams.

Another hug and a kiss and then Matt set about making the house comfortable. He lit a few lamps and got a fire going in the front stove. The soft kerosene glow let Rick watch his host's movements as coffee was ground and the gas was turned on for the bathroom water heater. Without the confines of the truck cab and hat and coat, Rick could examine this country boy's body. Levi's and work shirt covered slim ass and tight muscles. And Matt was watching the city boy. The similarities were obvious: chopping firewood or working the Soloflex, both made bodies that longed to be shared. Conversation had been absent, but now Matt spoke.

A whisper of "I promised you a tour of the loft, remember?" brought the young friends to their feet, with a hesitant stumble past the table. Four intertwined arms were not destined to rise smoothly. Up the steep stairs they cl imbed. "There's the bed! Tour's over!" laughed Matt as he tossed Rick towards the center of the quilt-laden double mattress. Their passionate activity of the dinner hour was now transformed into the jocular play of a couple of neighÂ borhood playmates. Pillows flew and muscles flexed before they finally came to rest somewhat simultaneously on the mattress and the floor.

"Hang your coat up over there, Rick. Here slip on these wool socks and get more comfortable. This place is small and cozy, doesn't take long to heat up. Want a cup of coffee? It should be ready soon."

"You're a quick one!" accused Rick. "Not too pretty, but quick. Let's see how you can perform down in the shower. After all, I always wash up before dessert." He thought this a rather camp statement for one so inexperienced. But he felt that he was learning fast.

"Yeah, thanks," said Rick. "I like your place. Real efficient! Kitchen, front room, dining room--all in one room. No place to hide, huh?"

"Right buddy. 01' Matt's had the water heating since we got home. Let's go!"

"Bedroom is up in the loft. Nice place to hide." hinted the country boy. "Later I'll give you a tour." Coffee cups rattled in the dish drainer as Matt moved about the kitchen area.

Two sweaty bodies clambered down the stairs and into the bathroom. Matt lit two lamps and placed them in opposite corners. Rick had never seen an all-redwood bathroom before, especially one with a spacious, sit-down shower complete with a full-length window. He felt like he was getting close to fantasyland by now. Matt worked to assure that feeling as he laid out towels and soap. A faint drift of incense played to enhance Rick's mood.

Rick put on the warm socks and got into the hammock which hung in the open room facing the fire. His cock had been growing harder since they came through the door, so he loosened the leather belt and brass buttons holding the front of his jeans. That definitely felt better. The warmth of the fire made him feel at home. His head tilted backwards with his eyes slowly closing. Daydreams and fantasies were good enough to behold but this current realitywas causing a fine rush, like he had never experienced. He had found a gay man, a friendly gay man, and a country gay at that!

Shampoo, steam and slick bodies, probing tongues and soapy fingers filled the framework of the redwood encloÂ sure. Soft towels and gentle drying, a kiss and a nibble brought that fantasyland all the closer. The caress of the down quilt hugged the sleeping, naked bodies. Moments of intense sexual feelings had interplayed with quiet emotional release. The orgasms were uniquely shattering for the young hunks. The closeness and hugs and touching were newly discovered as well. In all his experience, Matt had never felt such real love for a man. In all his inexperience, Rick had never dreamed what love could be. That night was indeed their night to remember. It only happens the first time once.

The reverie was broken by a gently firm touch against the back of his head. Rick turned to be nose-to-cock with Matt, who was standing with a tray of coffee and green salads for the two of them. Matt set the tray on a table within reach of the hammock. Red fashion underwear had replaced rugged denim jeans. Soft blond hair spread over Matt's now-bare chest. Rick was invited to get equally comfortable.

"I just love to lay around a warm house with as little on as possible." Matt informed Rick. "'More firewood, less clothes!' that's my motto. Summertime is even better: 'No firewood, no clothes!' Here, let me hang those pants up by the stairs. Nice belt buckle you've got there."

V III

"Here it comes now!" shouted Matt. The ritual was the same every trip. "Exactly four hours and twenty minutes out of Portland. Made good time this year. A trip to visit your folks should only happen once a year."

Matt was chatting away as he set out the salads. Rick was relieved that he had worn underwear that day, an equally fashionable pair. At least he didn't have to feel totally exposed, though his very erect penis was saying otherwise. He rubbed his cock just a bit before placing the salad plate on his lap.

Matt was teasing and Rick knew it. It had been three Christmasses now since Rick had first introduced Matt to his family. They all loved him. And it would be the third New Years Day that the two lovers would spend together in their country home at Black Butt.

Matt got into the hammock next, very next, to Rick. Right arm rubbed left arm, thigh touched thigh as dinner and chatter moved on. Soon Rick was placing his empty salad plate on the redwood burl table as Matt's hand moved enticingly to slip off Rick's underwear. Rick's

"REST STOP - 1 MILE" read the familiar green freeway sign. "Thank the Goddess for rest stops!" came the two snuggled voices as the old Datsun wheeled forward down the off ramp.

For

S c ienc e T o C u r e

A I D S -

A recent issue of the Journal of the American Medical Association (6/21/85) was devoted to new developments in AI DS research. The lead editorial, entitled, "Not There Yet, But on Our Way," made this observation:

K e i t h

B a r t o

In order to understand this carefully, it is necessary to go rather far afield and examine some of the history and philosophy that underlies modern, technological medicine. To summarize this exploration from the outset, l contend that 1) medical science is part and parcel of our com petitive, technological culture, 2) this technological culture is itself a product of male sexual imagery that is sublimated into technological and/or militaristic conquest, 3) the gay subculture, likewise, is part and parcel of this male-dominated culture and is similarly enamored by sexual imagery which is acted out directly in terms of sexual conquest--forget the sublimation, and 4) this male oriented cultural pattern is a dead-end street that results 1n nuclear oblivion in the case of straight culture, and in AIDS or alcoholism or any number of sexually transmitted diseases in the case of the gay culture.

Another 10,000 ... will be stricken (with AIDS) this year. ...So physicians faced with caring for this growing number of patients cannot simply announce that the medical armamentarium is empty. Strictly speaking, of course, it is not empty; it’s just that so far no treatment has been found consistently efficacious. ... Scientists helieve that the only real hope of success lies in attaching and destroying the THF VIRUS ITSFIF. (emphasis added) This is a revealing statement in two ways. First it is about as honest an assessment of AIDS treatment as I have seen in a medical journal, and, to me, it's significant that it was written by a woman. What it basically says is that there 1s_no treatment for AIDS with any "consis tent efficacy" -- i.e., any likelihood of success. This in itself is not new information. It merely makes expli cit what is common knowledge.

This is not a pretty picture, and I would not blame a person for not looking at it, but here we are and it is looking at us. So what to do now? Well, I think the answer is pretty obvious. You start by balancing the aggressive, technological, sexually-charged, "yang" elements of Western culture with nurturing, natural, replinishing, "yin" elements and attempt to achieve a new synthesis--or gender-blend, to borrow a phrase from Kosmic Ladye. I believe this new gender blend needs to happen in the dominant technological culture, in the system of medicine/healing, in the gay subculture, and in the ap proach to treating AIDS if we are to survive into the 21st Century with either a gay identity or a civilization.

Secondly, this editorial pinpoints the object of scien tific research, which is to understand the virus and to destroy it. This attitude epitomizes technological Western medicine as what I would call the battle field model of medicine. It's focus is to destroy an enemy from without, but it does little to strengthen the body from within.

That was an over view. Let's go back and examine the pieces of this argument. Let's first look at the con nection between technology, sexual imagery, and compe tition within culture. Western culture, at least from the time of classical Greece, has been male-dominated, militarily aggressive, technologically and ideologically authoritarian, technologically astute, and sexually domineering. All of these recurrent attributes of Western culture revolve around one theme: mine is bigger. Actually the Greeks felt that small is beautiful. Nevertheless, the phallic focus of this theme is explicit in the case of ancient Greece (see The Reign of the PhalIus by Cva Keuls) and in contemporary gay culture. It is relatively sublimated in most of the intervening cultures, though it is never far from the surface. It is but a series of steps to replace phallus with spear, cross-bow, scepter, battering ram, cannon, or computer ized missile. The theme is still the same: my power, ideology, technology, or virility is better than yours.

If the "cause" of AIDS is simply a virus, then why are most of the people exposed to and infected with the virus asymptomatic? Why have only about two percent developed AIDS, and only 20^ to ?Drv developed an AIDS related condition such as fever, night sweats and lymph node enlargment? There must be other factors intrinsic to the body which Western medicine overlooks. If we C3n find ways to strengthen the body so that it can control this virus the way most gay men are able to do, then perhaps there will be greater success in treating AIDS. Western medicine, with its battle field bias, is adverse to recommending or even considering measures that will strengthen the body’s own ability to handle infections. The remainder of this essay is basically an exploration of this exclusionary attitude on the part of Western medicine--an attitude which is shared by many people with AIDS. If we can understand and get beyond the blind spots created by the cultural assumptions which underlie technological Western medicine, then a more "consistently efficacious" treatment for AIDS may already be available.

Even non-military technology becomes embued with this

than it was to understand the workings of the human body. Relatively little was known at the time of Pasteur about physiology or nutrition. Vitamins were not discovered until the 20th Century. The immune system even now is a newly chartered wilderness. Just twenty years ago, the role of the lymphocyte was totally unknown. So medical science at the time of Pasteur was ill prepared to under stand the conditions that strengthened the body against disease. By fixating on microbes, scientists could achieve a sense of mastery long before the complex sophistication of the human body was understood. And as is typical of male behavior, if the body is not understood, the first impulse is to ignore it and the next impulse is t.o denigrate it.

adolescent, male one-up-manship. Take medical technology as an example. First on a vernacular level, modern medicine is replete with military and phallic images: fighting disease, medical armamentarium, the big guns (slang for dangerous drugs), the chain of command, and gunning for exams. The medical uniform is also suitably evocative with a white trench coat, neck tie and stetho scope (two phallic symbols). These accutrements and phrases reflect deeply ingrained cultural beliefs about the nature of disease as something to be subdued. To take this analysis beyond the symbols of medicine, it is necessary to explore some of the history of medicine. At the risk of over simplification, it could be said that modern medicine has its roots in two sources. Its intellectual roots come from the philosophy of Descartes, and its practical experience was gained from the surgery of the battlefield.

So even now when medical science recognizes that 1) the body is very much involved in recovering from injury and infection--largely due to the efforts of the immune system--and 2) the immune system is intimately interwoven with the nervous system, the circulatory system, the endocrine system, and the digestive system--hence with the whole body--medical technology is largely unwilling to apply this knowledge in the treatment of chronic diseases. It remains hamstrung by its historical roots in battlefield medicine and by what is still a paucity of understanding about the human body.

Prior to Descartes, the body was considered to be the temple of the spirit--holy spirit in some cases, demonic in others--but in any case, the body was thought to be subservient to spirit. Descartes reversed this. He separated body and spirit and declared that spirit could be ignored in dealing with the body. He reduced the body to the level of a machine and proposed that by dissecting this machine into its component parts, one could learn how it operated and how to repair it. This was the beginning of what is now called scientific reductionism. Western medicine has made undeniable strides in using reductionism to under stand and repair the body. Its primary impetus and suc cess, however, has been in battle field medicine: in treating wounds, infections, and trauma. With cancer, allergy, and chronic diseases of aging, it has fared considerably less well.

The fault here does not lie with medical practitioners, rather the fault lies in the cultural assumptions that underlie medical technology itself. If fact, medical consumers are as likely as health care providers to fantasize about an armamentarium of magic bullets to cure illness rather than to go about the tedious task of restoring the body to health.

One can basically think of modern technological medicine as battle field medicine. It's underlying philosophy is that the body is attacked by outside forces which over whelm it. These forces must be "attacked and destroyed" with antibiotics or with poisons and radiation in the case of cancer. The body is seen as a passive, and relatively helpless, bystander in this process: the battlefield in which this drama is enacted rather than an active participant in the struggle. Therefore, relatively little attention has been given to strengthen ing the body by means of nutrition, or emotional, social, or spiritual modulations. Technological medicine receive a boost with the discovery of bacteria in the Nineteenth Century as the "cause" of many infectious diseases. However, a great debate raged from the beginning of this discovery between Pasteur and Beauchamp. Pasteur believed that the cause of disease lay with a bacterial invasion while Beauchamp contended that the cause lay with the internal condition of the body which made it susceptible to invasion. Of course, both were right, but Pasteur won out to the exclusion of Beauchamps's views. To this day, "orthodox" technolog ically oriented medicine spends most of its efforts in chasing down invasive microbes and ridiculing any system of healing that advocates strengthening the body's defenses against disease.

The concept of magic bullets is itself a fitting symbol of the sexual and military overtones of Western medicine. Magic bullets are closely connected to the concept of cure. The idea that a doctor, usually male, can dis pense something which will cure an illness 1s pregnant with sexual imagery. The last fifty years has seen a plethora of magic bul lets that have worked remarkably well against infections --to the point that many have grown complacent about infections and the use of antibiotics. However, the battlefield model of medicine, which succeeds so well with microbes falters when applied to cancer and to viral infections. Its success rate is far lower in treating lung cancer with chemotherapy and radiation than it is in treating Pneumococcal pneumonia with penicillin. And for viral hepatitis, it draws a complete blank. The reason the battlefield model of medicine fumbles with cancer and with viral infections is because there is no clear demarcation between friend and foe. Cancer cells are still human cells, and when a virus infection is established, the virus essentially becomes part of the body's own cells. In the case of the viruses that plague the gay community (hepatitis, B, Epstein-Barr, cytomegalovirus, and now HTLV), the virus becomes part of the actual human DNA. At that point, there are precious few magic bullets that can destroy it without destroying the host as well. Instead of having an enemy "out there" to destroy, "we have met the enemy and he is us."

I think the reason Pasteur "won" over Beauchamp has to do with cultural forces and psychological assumptions rather than with the strength of his position. For one thing, it was a short step from treating battlefield wounds in army hospitals to conceptualizing disease as an invasion of microbes. It stirred the male sense of adventure to create another armamentarium for slaying microbes. By contrast, feeding and nurturing the sick was strictly women's work. The fitting role for a man was to con ceptualize the nature of disease, to diagnose illness, and develop a technology for "attacking and destroying" the invading microbes. Disease could be seen as outside the body, and as such, something that could be fought with an armamentarium of techno-phallic weapons. Secondly, it was considerably easier to study microbes

Tn the case of the gay culture, the enemy is us in several ways. Not only are our bodies hosts to numerous chronic viral infections which endanger ourselves and each other, but we have largely accepted the male chauvinist cultural values which promote sexual conquest and an objectification of the body. This has produced a sexual life style that has made us easy targets for any contagion that came along--and many contagions came along before AIDS.

at an early stage of development. However, given the inadequacy of medical science alone in dealing with AIDS, it seems to me the obvious way to go. Exactly this approach has been used in treating AIDS with favorable results. The program devised by Dr. Russell Jaffe, MD, Ph.D, utilizes a broad, multi-disciplinary approach to treating AIDS. It includes a high level of nutritional support, psychological modifications, certain herbs, and some elements of Chinese medicine. Of 19 people with AIDS who undertook this method of therapy, two to three years ago, only one has died. Most of the remaining 18 are doing well long after they would, statistically, be expected to have died.

Another manifestation of our male cultural bias has been a neglect of nurturing roles and habits. Alcohol, fast foods, and sugar are dietary norms. Exercise is often subordinated to body building rather than to health and vitality. Sex has often been a substitute for intimacy. It's easier to get high with drugs than to meditate. The end result has been that our bodies all too often have been weakened by a frenetic lifestyle. This same life style has exposed us to numerous infections to which our bodies are ail the more susceptible.

Other combined therapy approaches also indicate some promise. The practitioners of Thermo-Baric Repatterning report reductions in the size of KS lesions and increases in helper/suppressor T-cell ratios. Several of the people treated by Dr. Cathcart, MD, with vitamin C and yeast-suppression therapy also claim significant improve ment with that approach. I suspect that there are other success stories, as well, that I have not heard.

In our case, it is easy to see how both Pasteur and Beauchamp were right. It is a matter both of external microbes and internal susceptibility. It basically took something as devastating as AIDS to get the gay subculture to examine our own habits and norms. The fact that the AIDS virus has infected about half of gay men in a period of five years is a clear testament to the vulnerability created by our collective sexual life style. The fact that so few gay men have developed AIDS (compared to the number with the virus) is a testament either to the resilience of the human body or to the fragility of this virus. This is the basis for my believ ing that measures to strengthen the body are sensible for those with AIDS as well as those who are simply carrying this virus. If the battlefield mentality of Pasteur has led us no where in curing AIDS, then we should consider the alter native of Beauchamp and try to strengthen the body so that it can control the AIDS condition on its own. It seems that the best magic bullets we have against viruses are the magic bullets of the immune system. Un like pharmaceutical drugs, the intelligence of the immune system is able to distinguish between normal cells and cancerous cells. Very few drugs are able to do this and none of them do it so well as a normally functioning immune system. So it makes a lot of sense to give the immune system the best nutrients and resources we can to enable it to do its job. In pursuing this approach, we have many resources, not the least of which is medical science itself. A great deal is now known about the medical basis for health in terms of nutrition, vitamins, and mineral supplementation. Modern pharmacology has shown the scientific basis of many traditional herbal remedies, and more is increas ingly known about allergy, the immune system, and methods for detoxifying the body from recreational and industrial pollutants. In addition to the nurturing side of our own technology, we also have much to learn from other cultures which have not been straddled with the images and assumptions of Western patriarchy. These resources include Chinese medicine which is primarily concerned with restoring balance of yin and yang to the body and to the mind and the emotions. They include the Indian system of yoga which integrates philosophy, spiritual practices, and physical exercises into a unified system of health and wellness. It includes the experience with herbs acquired by the American Indians and by European witch craft before these cultures were "attacked and destroyed" by Western patriarchy. These are all powerful systems of healing which do not polarize the body into a battle ground for microbes and antibiotics. The object here is not to reject Western culture and medicine. Rather, it is to take the best of several cultural perspectives on health and combine them to take advantage of each system. This synthesis is admittedly

The fact remains that technological, battlefield medicine has thus far drawn a blank in treating AIDS. What's more, its track record in treating viral infections and cancer has always been poor, and there is little basis for expecting a cure for AIDS anytime soon. If there are no magic bullets in the offing, then the next best (perhaps better) approach is to strengthen the mind-bodyspirit as much as possible with the expectation that the person with AIDS can develop the capacity to control the disease himself. There are deep-seated cultural biases against this ap proach which are rooted in patriarchal, male modes of viewing the body and the nature of illness. By uncovering these biases, both in our culture and in ourselves, it is possible to reclaim the tools for health and wellness. To my way of thinking this process is not foreign to the gay experience, but is very much a part of it.

A Channeled

H e a d i n g On A I D S

Submitted

by J a c k H a r v e y

In April and May of 1986, one known to me by the name of Maria provided information concerning the AIDS disease. Offered here is an edited version of her words for your consideration and to complement other articles which have previously been published in RFD.

Treatment of the pre-physical stage of AIDS consists of addressing the thicknesses, crusts, and lesions about the mental bodies and the Etheric Heart. If both forms are present, it is desireable to treat the crusts about the mental bodies first.

To beg’n with, Maria reminds us that all diseases are the products of negative thought forms. Disease is the phy sical manifestation of negative thinking. Thus, in order to truely "cure" a disease, one must alter the thoughts which have produced the illness.

Color therapy, particularly the oranges and pinks, is of use in preparing the crusts for removal. Consumption of 2 - 3 fresh, organically grown whole apricots per day and 5 - 6 glassful!s of wheatgrass juice (over the course of a day), is useful in the early, non-physical stages. These practices are not useful as preventive measures. If the apricots are not available fresh, dried, organically grown apricots (unsulphured) may be used. Consumption of any of these substances should be spread across the day and not taken at once.

Viewed in this context, AIDS takes on a significant role, for it is the first of a "Whole new strain" of diseases. The similarity between AIDS and a number of soon-to-bemanifested diseases (within other populations) is that these new diseases are the product of much stronger thought forms that were previously present among humans. People's thoughts and abilities to manifest situations, either positive or negative, are greater now than in a very long time. New energies coming down on to the Earth plane at this time enhance this effect.

Floral essences, too, might be of some help. For the Eth eric Heart, the essence of soft, pink geranium is of bene fit. For the mental bodies, a combination of yellow, perennial aster and French marigold essences. (Note: The author has yet to see a yellow, perennial aster, although they apparently exist. If you know of some, please let me know. Suitable substitutions seem to include lemon yellow gerbera and yellow spider mum.)

In regard to AIDS, it seems that the thought forms which produce the disease have been rehearsed over many life times, with the individual's inability or unwillingness to break out of the negative thinking pattern. Generally, the thoughts follow one of two patterns, or sometimes both: (1) a strongly negative self image, or (2) nega tivity directed toward others (an unwillingness to allow others to have an opinion other than one's own). Frequent ly, the negative pattern is well hidden, even from the individual himself, making identification of the problem thought form difficult.

The most effective treatment of AIDS, however, seems to be in the changing of the thought forms. Those who are able to recognize and change the thought forms while still in the non-physical stage of AIDS stand a good chance of re versing the illness. Reversal is conceivable in the physi cal stage, also, although less likely. For those who are close to individuals with the disease, sending the individual the color of soft pink is of benefit Also, constantly sending loving thoughts is helpful. Even if the disease is not reversed, these offerings provide the individual an opportunity to look within the self to see the crystallized negative thoughts and begin to break them up, if they so choose.

"We see that once the individual has reached the point in this lifetime where either one of the strongly entrenched thought forms, coupled with the new energies coming down on the Earth plane, that the thought forms are strength ened to such a degree that the individual then manifests the physical ailment___ " The progression of the disease, then, seems to begin with the negative thought form, moving down through each of the non-physical bodies and then into the physical body. This much is similar to all illnesses. Beyond this point, however, the AIDS disease differs. Because of the strong nature of the thoughts invilved, there is enough energy for the disease to begin to work its way back up (or out) into the light bodies once again. Most diseases do not do this. This characteristic of the AIDS disease, moving from the physical back into the non-physical, is what makes the disease so difficult to treat once it has manifested into the physical stage.

Why the disease at all? In answer, Maria suggests that, among gay people, the disease is a manifestation of the collective group. The purpose of this manifestation is seen to be to encourage single partner relationships in which a female and a male energy (not necessarily female and male bodies) unite. That is, partnerships in which there are no outside sexual encounters. Since the group as a whole has manifested the disease (and certain individuals within the group choose to contract the disease), we are reminded that the group as a whole may choose to reverse its decision. "There are other, less life-threatening ways the group could promote the same idea The group, as a whole, might choose to look at other options___ It might also wish to focus the group energies on the idea of reversing the decision..."

For those who are able to see or feel the light bodies, the early stages of the non-physical AIDS seems to take on one of two forms, corresponding to the thought forms. Those with the negative self image begin to form "crusts" or thicknesses about the mental bodies. As the disease progresses, the crusts become more thick and more hard, and sometimes parts of the crusts will flake off. For those with the outwardly directed negativity, these same types of crusts, or often thick lesions, appear about the Etheric Heart. In both varieties, there is a notable lack of color thoughout the bodies. Mineral deficiencies may also be noted.

Finally, a suggestion for all of us. "Really, the most ef fective way to avoid this illness or any other illness is to look within the self to the crystallized, negative thought forms, and to recognize these and to break these up. If the individual will do this, any individual, this will greatly decrease the possibility of contracting any disease."

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The Sierra Club Waste Paper in its Winter 1985/6 issue states, "Using irradiation to preserve foods is like using a chain saw to cut butter; it's an extremely expensive and dangerous technology for which viable alternatives exist." The article continues: "Chemicals called 'radiolytic pro ducts' appear in foods after irradiation, and some of these chemicals are harmful to human health. Vitamins and min erals are destroyed by food irradiation, reducing the nutritional quality of our foods. Aflatoxins, which are potent, naturally occurring carcinogenic agents, grow more readily on foods that have been irradiated. Some bacteria are very resistant to radiation, and will grow rapidly on irradiated foods, such as the botulism organism."

INSTEAD OF:

TRY:

Air Freshener

Leaving a box of baking soda open in room; open window

Drain Cleaner

Pour boiling water down drain, or use a plunger or a metal "snake"

Furniture Polish

Mix half tion and then rub raw nuts polish

Houseplant Insecticides

Soapy water on leaves (then rinse)

Mothballs

Spread newspapers around closets, or put clothes in cedar chests, or place cedar chips around clothes

Oven Cleaner

Salt, baking soda, water (and el bow grease!)

Roach Spray

Sticky traps, or boric acid tablets or equal parts baking soda and powdered sugar set out in dishes (watch out for animals and children)

oil and vinegar solu apply in thin coat, in well; or rub crushed on the wood for an oily

Window Cleaner

2 tbsp. vinegar in 1 qt. water, or rub newspapers on the glass

The Health and Energy Institute reports: "In one notable case, a study on feeding freshly irradiated wheat to mal nourished children, conducted in India, was falsely claimed to Have been discredited by irradiation proponents. The children in the study developed abnormal blood cells called polyploids (an abnormal number of chromosomes) whereas children on the control diet did not...This study was pub lished in a referred scientific journal, The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. Food irradiation proponents claimed the study was deficient and had even been disclaimed by the Institute's Director. However, when we wrote to the director, he responded that not only had the Institute NOT repudiated the study, but that repeating the study in monkeys and mice showed similar blood damage with freshly irradiated wheat. Initially the Institute believed that irradiation was safe when they began the studies, and when adverse effects became evident, the children were taken off the irradiated diets." However, a major argument advanced in support of food ir radiation is that it will preserve food to feed the starv ing millions of the third world.

Soak silver in I qt. warm water containing 1 tsp. baking soda, 1 tsp. salt, and a piece of aluminum foil 1/2 cup bleach

S t e p h e n s

A new form of food preservation is being pushed by the Department of Energy (DOE) with assistance from the Food and Drug Administration. Called food irradiation, it in volves exposing food to a beam of ionizing radiation from radioactive sources. Foods on a conveyor belt are moved past a beam of radiation which comes from sources such as Cesium-137 (a by-product of nuclear weapons production), cobalt-60, or from machines that generate electron or X-ray beams. Doses of up to 100,000 rads will be used to kill parasites and insects, while doses in the millions of rads will be used to kill bacteria and fungi.

Some helpful hints on how one can substitute hazardous household products with benign (and generally cheaper) products has been compiled by the Metropolitan Area Plan ning Council in "A Guide to the Safe Use and Disposal of Hazardous Household Products" (19R2). Hot only are there concerns with the direct health hazards of using such products, but there is also a concern for their use causing hazardous waste disposal. In an effort to to make your homes and our environment safer, we recommend the following substitutes for common household products:

Toilet-bowl Cleaner

Your C u k e s? L.xnn

l-l A Z A It D S

Silver Cleaner

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The Sierra Club Paper also states that food irradiation is yet another example of the nuclear industry's long quest to find a "peaceful" use for atomic energy to justify the continued research and development of nuclear weapons. Since the food industry has been reluctant to launch the irradiation process on its own, the DOE is trying to sell industry on the idea by providing federal dollars to get programs started.

In addition, in 1986 over $5 million has been appropriated to build three demonstration facilities to irradiate food with Cesium-137 from the Hanford Nuclear Reservation, the world's oldest nuclear weapons production site, located in Washing State. A transportable irradiator has been planned to travel through the Northwest to demonstrate the idea to farmers. On December 12, 1985, President Reagan's outgoing Health and Human Services Secretary Margaret Heckler announced that the FDA had granted final approval for a regulation permitting the irradiation of fresh fruits and vegatables and for tripling the dose currently being used on spices (in response to a petition from the McCormick spice com pany). Under the proposal, the current label of "treated with gamma radiation" will be replaced by such phrases as "picowaved," "picowaved to control spoilage," and "picowaved to extend shelf life," pi us this symbol:

zation (WHO), the Food and Agriculture Organization (FAQ), and the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) issued a report announcing the verdict of a four-year study con ducted by its "Joint Expert Committee on the Wholesomeness of Irradiated Food" which said that countries could safely use up to one mil 1 ion rads on any food item without any toxicological concern. Up to this level, it said, there is no need to do any further testing. Based on this report, Heckler announced in February 1985 that "ionizing energy is just another form of energy COMPLETELY SAFE - leaving no residues..." The Health Freedom News, journal of the National Health Federation, states in its March 1986 issue, "The problem is when Heckler, as Secretary of HHS says irradiation is 'completely safe' or 'safe', honest scientific inquiry comes to a screeching halt if funded directly or indirectly by the U.S."

called the "Radura. "Pico" merely means "one trillionth." This actually was a major improvement on Heckler's origi nal proposal, published on Feb. 14, 1985, which would have allowed food processors to irradiate fresh fruits and vegetables without a retail label of any kind. In response to this initial proposal, the National Health Federation (NHF) put out a form letter entitled, "YES WE'LL TAKE A RISK BUT WE WANT A LABEL." More than 10,000 letters were received by the FDA asking for all irradiated food to carry a label. The United Nations is a major proponent of food irradiation. In 1980, three U.N. organizations, The World Health Organi

Federal legislation called the "Federal Food Irradiation Development and Control Act" has been introduced by Representative Sid Morrison (H.R. 696) and Senator Slade Gorton (S. 288) to promote irradiated food. Both legis lators are Republicans from the state of Washington and their districts include Hanford. The promotion of food irradiation by the DOE may also be part of a plan to get around the current law (1983 HartSimpson amendment to the Atomic Fnergy Act) which prohi bits reprocessing spent nuclear fuel from commercial nuclear power plants to procure plutonium for the nuclear weapons program. If the DOE can build a demand for Cesium-137, it could decide to reprocess commercial spent fuel to obtain Cesium-137 and remove the plutonium as part of the separation process.

c h a n g e It all started with one man. He was very weak looking, and his age appeared to be somewhere between 50 and 60. He showed signs of having been ill for a long period of time. We were introduced by a friend from out of town, and it was at this time I learned this man was also a visitor from a distant city. The more I observed him, the more his habits came into focus: he had very shallow breathing, a slow shuffling pace, and a glazed distant look in his eyes. He also spoke with an accent and was very sparse with his words. He was only 44 years of age.

by D a n i e l

istic infections--some which could even prove fatal. I was later to learn many things about our immune system-24 hours of heavy stress can completely shut down this system, leaving us open to invasion by numerous viruses, etc. There are many abuses that we can participate in that will damage or shut down this immune system--i.e., drugs, excessive sex, prolonged depression--the old say ing, "everything in moderation," seems to be appropriate here. My education regarding this dis-ease was really growing, and I was to discover how important diet could be for the body and also how important maintaining a positive attitude can be in regaining your perfect health. All of the opportunistic diseases can move right in when we open the door by depressing our immune system.

Our friendship began to grow as we shared meals and short walks on the beach. It became apparent that this man was gravely ill and seemed to welcome any help and attention directed his way. One morning it dawned on me that this man was a (Person With AIDS) and this was later confirmed host. The whole picture really cleared when my from out of town were able to share the overall of his un-wellness with me.

;

P.W.A. by the friends details

That man was my first real contact with a Person with AIDS--today I work with many of these people. We have learned that AIDS need not be a dreaded street--remission is quite common and we are startinq to hear of permanent cures. I grow more and more convinced that optimum nutrition along with proper exercise is a good place to get started. This routine then needs to be supported with food supplements and herbs. Mix all of this with a good positive attitude and the help of a higher power and perhaps we are on our way to finding a true cure for many ailments and ills.

My heart really went out to this man and it seemed to draw all of the patience and kindness frcrn deep within myself. As I continued to share my days with this man, it became clear that he was starting to respond to the attention and love. He was taking large amounts of medi cation daily and had also participated in several long sessions of chemotherapy. He had acquired a virus which his damaged immune system could no longer control. He seemed to have become a host for all kinds of opportun

Be wel1, Be happy--

The Brothers Behind Bars Program is an outreach to our gay brothers in prison. It has three major parts: 1) we provide a department in the journal as a forum for literary expression by gay prisoners and occassionaly information of interest and concern to gay prisoners; 2) we encourage pen pals through Joint Venture which maintains lists of prisoners seeking pen pals, offers

^ 5 7 7 5 * 7

some screening and forwarding, and gives advice to peo ple writing prisoners; 3) we offer free subs to prison ers, but understandably, we have to limit this offer to what we can afford. We encourage friends to grant gift subs to prisoners. The grantor can remain anonymous; subs are $12.

W A - g X Green

The following is a letter from "Al" to "Mark" giving advice on Mark’s correspondence with a prisoner as Al has been writing to a Prisoner for some time and has experience to share. Although somewhat personal and idiosyncratic, we feel that there is some food for thought for folks writing to gays in orison.

Dear Mark: T regret I have not found the time to respond before now. Your letter moved me. There was a great flavor of deja vu in what you shared and are experiencing and the questions you posed regarding relating with Butch and the world he lives in in prison. I could be flip and say I have no answers. And what I will write are only the answers I found for myself in relating with Greg and his prison world. If what I say feels good then give it a go. The ultimate truth, since we are all different, is for both you and Butch to discover the truth for your selves. Rest assured that whatever happens the experi ence will be ordained by the universe as necessary in your growth even tho it might be painful.

(ABC) entitled "The Execution of Ray Graham." I was surprised a commercial network would make such a program available. It was great in a moving way and I'm sure it caused quite a few to do a double take on death sentences. I do not recall Greg lieing to me. There were times I thought he did in my own paranoia but with time I know of no such happening. When I say 'lie' I mean in the sense of a potentially hurting statement as opposed to a 'white lie' which even I get into. If somebody looks like hell it does me no good or them to say, "Man you're looking like hell." '"he key here is your own paranoia unless you know for a fact that Butch has lied. There were occasions when I thought Greg lied and I made it a point to talk about it with him to clear up my own head. And I also admit that deep inside I have a fear that the four years we have shared in getting to know each other is to be destroyed someday by my learning it is all a lie. I cannot help that. I admit it to you and MYSELF. And at the same time I have made that O.K. if it should happen for meanwhile I have gotten so much from the relationship that I have wanted. The thing I am suggest ing is to get off on what IS instead of holding back on account of the future which may never happen. Whether Butch is rehabilitated is a question that cannot be answered now. Only time on the street again will answer that. If now with time you still view prisoners (including Butch) as a lower caste then you are headed for problems. It's simple racism. For Many gays I think.there is also an element of some sort of weird S A M thinking regarding relationships with prisoners, perhaps a latent masoch istic desire. To everyone else in the world Greg is a violent person and he still plays that role. Yet he has let me alone see that it is a role he unfortunately feels locked into. Down underneath it all he is a frightened little boy just as I am. I was most touched when he said that if he ever gets out he will need me to take him by the hand just to cross a street. Yet at first I bought into his Big Pad Boy Greg syndrome. Afterall he has killed two men. And even now he cannot talk about those happenings without becoming emotionally distressed and remorseful even tho in my mind both of those that he murdered brought it upon themselves. There might also be an element in your thinking about lower caste which comes from a subconscious inferiority feeling on your part and hence see prisoners as a way of making yourself feel superior. Think about that one. As I write that I am made to realize I no longer even think of Greg as a prsioner. Every time I see him walk into a visitor room he seems so out of place, so unlike most of the others gathered there. Greg like Butch is extremely sensitive. I could be naive’ and defend him by saying he was suckered into what he did and does. No way! I hold Greg and everyone responsible for what they do regard less of all the excuses. He and I argue a lot about this. He says he had to kill both of the men he killed or be killed himself either in reality or in his mind's eye of himself and who he thinks he is. So be it. I happen to think if I had been so confronted I would have either turn tailed or be dead. Greg and I think dif ferently. I make no judgment about that as to being right or wrong, but simply how he thinks. Seemingly he is always proving himself to the world, whereas in reality he is constantly proving to himself who he thinks he is.

You say, "Lies and cover ups all over the place mostly by the law enforcement people___ " If anything I have found prisoners to be more honest than those that are their keepers. Also all my concepts of god, country, right/wrong, and the flag have been shaken by what I have learned about the system of so called justice in this country by having my nose rubbed in it. There is so much that is wrong in reality that I see that before my rose colored glasses were removed I lived in a story book world that does not exist. When I first saw the reality of prison I thought I'd mount a white charger and change all that is wrong. I ended up frustrated, beaten, and emotionally exhausted after about two years of this. Since then T've changed. I cannot change the system per se so therefore I must do what I can within the confines. Instead of exhausting myself I do what I can for Greg and now only one or two other prisoners. One of those has just been paroled and I have given him a place to live and found him temporary employment. And yet I have found that all is not rotten in Denmark. Within the justice and penal system there are some well meaning people, especially some very dedicated lawyers who receive nothing for their services. The penal system is a reflection of politics and that which politicians think the public wants. Afterall they must be elected to be politicians. Therefore the public must be informed and every time I perceive an ear that will listen I share all that I know, and for the most part, the listener is obviously incredulous at hearing what I have to say. By any chance did you see a recent TV show

Paranoia due to the reality of prison is rampant there in and I feel justifiably so in order to survive. It becomes a way of life. Let's be honest and admit that paranoia also enters into everyone's life and needs no prison walls to encourage it. Mark, to be honest, I see you as extremely paranoid in relating to Butch. You have a great fear that he is going to hurt you. God, do I know where you are coming from because at first with Greg a similar state prevailed in me. And then I realized he was not god. He could not create my feelings (i.e. hurt), and that only I create my feelings. Nor am I saying that I feel control over feeling hurt now or anytime by him or anyone. But I do take responsib ility for my feelings whether negative or positive. I do not see feeling hurt as bad for in hindsight I see that my opportunities to grow more free have been most powerful during times of negative feelings. Therefore, I hope that when the fire of pain gets the hottest, that you stick right with its purifying abilities. Afterall what do you have to lose? What is the worst that can happen to you7

Regarding being burned by sending money to a prisoner who had no intention of ever seeing you or keeping in touch once the money was sent; obviously you had expectations when you gave the money. Had any expectations been expressed such as "I'll do this if you'll do that?" or were you trying to buy something? Mark, you knew you were dealing with a prisoner, at least you were fore warned. And you say, "I don't have the insight to deal with potentially devious people." With prisoners at least you have some inkling but otherwise how do you know a person is potentially devious? There are plenty of them everywhere and not just in prison. The guide line still holds. Do what feels good but without expectations. You ask, "So why am I involved with this perplexing situations?" The reason is that it was meant to be. There is something about this experience that you need for your own growth. The experience is a gift of god. You seem to be fighting what is. Perhaps you need to let go, to stop feeling that you must control everything, that all must go the way you think it should. Love and life has strange ways. God, do I ever know where you are coming from. If I were to graph a curve on my relationship with Greg it would have peaked during the first month when all was fantasy and then have gone down down the following two years, till I finally decided to take a chance by being myself and not conducting myself as I THOUGHT he wanted me to. And once I passed the point of feeling I desperately needed him, the plotting of the graph seems to go higher and higher. Now at times it is hard for me to make the distinction between myself and him. It is as if we have become one.

You say, "When I ask him questions about his case he answers them but gives me the feeling I shouldn't need to ask. He assumes I should totally trust him. Well, should I?" I cannot answer that one. Whenever I use the word 'should' I realize what I am actually saying is that I should(n't) do something that I do not in truth feel free to do. Therefore, I don't. Trust is not something that one can make happen on the spur of the moment. Trust for me comes with time in relating to someone else. Trust, I believe, is one of the keys to love. I also ask you to look at your wording. You say . but (he) gives me the feeling I shouldn't need to ask." Butch does not give you that feeling. YOU DO IT YOURSELF. Obviously there is some critical element missing in your feeling free to trust him. Flow with that till you feel otherwise. There is nothing wrong with feeling as you do. I suggest you take some chances. When you get a feeling around Butch that troubles you, then talk about it with him. T find that only thru sharing my feelings (good or bad) with Greg lor anyone) can I effectively relate. You have to take a chance to do this. It's pretty hazardous to say to someone something like "I don't believe you and I want to talk about it." Yet my exper ience to date is that when I'm up front I learn my assumptions about the other person are totally wrong and that I've created in my mind something which does not exist. Now and then the other person takes offense, and in doing so, tells me a lot in itself. I've never been so up front with anyone as I have with Greg. And he likewise with me. And at times there has been anger since we were not really communicating. Yet as long as we kept the communication lines open, the relationship grew in strength in the end. I admit that times in being up front about my feelings I felt as if I was risking everything. Don't worry. If there is true love, nothing can daunt it? And if not, it is well to know the reality. You seem to be taking the full responsibility for creating the relationship with Butch. BULLSHIT! He has a part to play too. Every relationship involves give and take. Do you perhaps fear the relationship will die if you are honest about your feelings; that Butch will no longer like you; that he will reject you? If that should be the case, then you will have your answer for in truth there is no love.

Please Mark, take or reject what feels right to you in what I've tried to share about relating to someone. The fact that Butch is a prisoner should be incidental except for the fact. For myself, in relating with Greg, (loving), it seems it has evolved that his status of being incarcerated is of no more importance than what someone else might be doing for a living in a more 'normal' relationship (whatever 'normal' means). Hang in there. I know the roller coaster you are on and admire you for taking the chance. I know where you are coming from. As ever - - -

You wrote a most moving paragraph re: a definition of love as expressed by Ralph Walker, essentially giving space, and saying that you agree. You close that para graph by saying, "If you're in love with a person who might hurt you later--isn't that bad?" What you ask is a direct contradiction of accepting the giving space definition of love. If you love someone they cannot hurt you, for you give them the space to be exactly who they are. If you become hurt, it is because the other has acted or been someway other than the way you were expecting or demanding. The definition is so simple that you like me seem to make it complicated. Also, you judge feeling hurt as 'bad'. I've grown more toward being myself, free, and conscious thru the so called hurt and pain of my life than I ever have from lieing in a field of daisies watching the clouds float by on a spring day.

jt Joint Venture

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JOINT VENTURE ADDRESSES THE GAY COMMUNITY IN "DEAR INSIDER" In its first year, Joint Venture has become the largest penpal organization in the United States for gay and bisexual prisoners. To mark the start of its second year, JV is publishing "Dear Insider," a 16-page booklet which explains how to make contact with an inmate and what to do when that happens. Though modest in format, the booklet is a rare publishing event. To our knowledge, never before has so much information— about prisons and prisoners, censorship, the meaning of photographs to inmates, scams avid rip-offs, visiting and planning for release— been put together for the guidance and encouragement of those who may want to write to in siders. Every JV member will receive a copy of the booklet with the June issue of the Bulletin. It will be included as a premium with every new membership subscription— a three-month trial mem bership costs $5, one year is $15. And individual copies are available at a cost of $2. While the primary focus of "Dear Insider" is on gay inmates, the booklet provides accurate in formation about corresponding with all prisoners; and it will be made available to other or ganizations, including those involved with straights, at cost. Church and community service groups which deal with prisoners are invited to write for bulk rates. A NEW PROJECT: THE JV PRISON ART NETWORK What began as a simple correspondence between a Joint Venture member who is an artist and several insiders interested in art has developed into a unique new operation: the marketing of work by gay prison artists. Many of these men, even those who are self-taught, are accomp lished artists who have, until now, had only limited means to present their works to would-be purchasers. This new JV operation attempts to solve that problem: Prison artists send their best works to the art network. Each be comes the subject of a page of a "mini catalog," which reproduces the work in miniature and describes it and its crea tor. The piece at right is a pen-and-ink work in red and black by Frank (IN 0909) and is 8*5 x 8^ inches as mounted. To receive current mini-catalog pages, and notices of future offerings, send $1 and an SASE to: JV Prison Art Network, B. E. MacDonald, P. O. Box 53, Isle-auHaut, ME 04645. THE INQUIRY DESK: A SERVICE FOR ALL WHO CORRESPOND WITH PRISONERS In the course of screening those insiders selected for its listings, Joint Venture has developed an extensive file of inmates involved in exploiting gays and others, as well as others of dubious character. Data are based on information provided by the inmates them selves (who often contradict themsevles when writing to various individuals or at different times), and on observations of present and former insiders known to be reliable, as well as on matters of public record from prison files. This information is available not only to Joint Venture members but to others who may want to confirm the sincerity of a prisoner met through other media. (A great many pri soners, for example, respond to Contact Letters in RFD, as well as to personal ads in gay publications.) If you hear for an inmate in this fashion, or happen to be corresponding with one whom you've met outside the JV system, you will find it helpful to check his cre dentials through Joint Venture. Send us the man's name, identification number, and his pri son address, with an SASE; we'll mail a report to you within 48 hours.

P. O. BOX 2 6 - 8 4 8 4

CHICAGO,

IL 6 0 6 2 6

wTLw-III virus--many against their will in the prisons and in the Armed Forces of our nation. Recently, a Horida judge is reported to be requiring the test of all sex offenders before sentencing. The HTLV-ITI test is also being required by many companies for its food service workers. The stigma of a positive test can be crippling to a career, resulting in a ruined life. If you've kept up with the crisis, or have a friend with AIDS, the oppression and stress can be overwhelming. It also seems that this easily triggered panic will be with us for a while. Suicide Hot Lines are reporting an increase in calls from gay men. This physical/psychological scrutiny is all an effort to find answers that only we seem able to provide. We were the first to become sick--we'll be the first to see a cure.

The N e w G a y Renaissance A Change On The W i n d

--Thomas Hopkinson

A change is cominq. You can feel it on the wind, trans forming the very face of gay culture. That change is AIDS, failed by some publications anything from the "gay plague" to the "predominent public health issue of our time," it is signi*icently affecting the way we--as nay men and women--live, work, and play. Whether we like it or not, we are being forced into monogamous relationships that are unfamiliar to our culture: used to playing and loving freely, fay culture is being blamed for the AIDS epidemic. Because of this, unlimited stones are being thrown at us by fundamentalists and conservatives. Those of us who have lived through the changes of the 60' and 7H'S express concern for the remaining RO's. Vie are reminded daily that open-minded attitudes can quickly change. And that accepted cultural symbols, like pick up bars, baths, will soon become "dust-chambers" of a long remembered "enlightenment." We are learning how to stay healthy and to make more intelligent decisions about our sexual partners. This epidemic has become the most influential force on the gay movement since Plato and Socrates. The question is, will we survive as a culture? Or, will we again be forced behind the Stonewall?

No longer will the street scene dictate trends or styles. Nor will it play a starring role in the make-up of our fabric. Couple-oriented businesses are growing, as seen in the travel industry, gay guest houses, in gyms and health facilities, and even in the growth of our own literature. Social groups and excursions will thrive, leading to more closed, non-sexual activities. Look for more gays wanting to spend quiet weekends with friends, seeking alternatives to the bar scene, even moving away from population centers in order to lead a quieter and slower way of life. Ve will become a closer family as result. Fven now, some of those changes can be seen. Bar and bath populations are reported down, while many samll businesses--catering to such scenes--have closed their doors. Porno-shops across the country are even being raided and closed in the name of public safety. It can also be seen in the types of articles our newspapers and magazines choose to print. More than "safesex" is being advocated, but a whole change of attitude.

Gays have, in such a short time, become experts about AIDS and its prevention. "Year Five of the AIDS crisis," and "AIDS Crisis Update," headline across our periodica1s and keep us informed. Ask any gay man and he'll be able to give you the most recent ATnS fact, or rumor. ue have suddenly and tragically been made aware of how humble and fragile life is. Few qays have been untouched. Fxperts tell us it's going to become worse and that it's only a matter of time before it hits the general popu lation in signifigant numbers. AIDS may be the ticking time-bomb of our generation, but for many of our friends that bomb has gone off.

Our own wellness has to come from within. AIDS support groups are doing a tremendous job, but need volunteers and funds in order to continue the fight. We have to attack the ignorance, the misinformation and the human rights violations.

One of the striking changes I see on the wind is the emergence of a new homophobic voice. Violent at times, and certainly discriminating, it has no respect for human rights. You can see it in the newly proposed social restrictions imposed against us: San Antonio recently forced on seventeen gay men an old turn-of-thecentury communicable disease law restricting their activities. This kind of legislation not only limits the human rights of the AIDS victim, but of all of us. Additional proposed restrictions across the country have included: the banning of AIDS victims from public places, limiting them from school, the carrying of an AIDS identification card, even down-right isolation or im prisonment .

Suddenly, a portion of our populat1on--that up to now has taken a back seat--find themselves in the spotlight, leading a new gay Renaissance. They are our friends living quiet, monogamous lives. These new role models seem light years away from our cultural revolution and from our population centers. Fveryone knows a few of them. We even mistakenly label them as outsiders, or still in the closet. They are our friends that have held long relationships. Those of us who would rather spend weekends at home with a lover than go out to the bars. Their strength up to now has been silent, but their impact is being felt across our culture. To say AIDS is making a drastic change in our daily lives is an understatement. To say that it will force us back into the closet is nonsense. Our current "Renaissance" is reflected in the new gay man. He is more mature and conscientious of the reality of life, concerned about the future, the gay family, and about those young gay men that will follow in his footsteps. Words like sexism and racism contain new feelings for him. He has not lost his dream of a society free from oppression and senseless inhumanity for all--nor will it be repressed. Because he is being singled out, his leadership role in the world is changing on the wind--a direction he is willing to take.

Fdmund White, in an interview with Charles Henry Fuller 1n the Gay fommunity News, says: "The implicit message is that qay men deserve what they qet, and that they courted the disease, whereas the child or the (straight1 worker didn't." '•'ho is pushing the panic button? rdmund White in the same interview thinks it's the press: "°ne thing that strikes me about coming back from Furope and getting a big rush of America in terms of the AIDS crisis is how really despicable the press is here. The worst paper we have in France, called France-Soir, even that never has stories like "Iraglc lots: Babies Born to Die with AIDS," which was a headline in a recent issue of the New York Post. Why is that a headline? It's appalling that people don't have enough civilization or sense of respon sibility to censor themselves. If people, straight or gay, are acting in an hysterical way, it's primarily the fault of the presses..."

Does this mean we will be more like our heterosexual counterpart? I don't think so. But one thing is for certain: that our fear will become our strength--and that this change is for the better. Our dilemma will produce a courage that will pull us out of the ashes and re-design the fabric of our make-up. We can see the writing on the wall. Our strength will find its way into our culture and character. You'll be able to see the new confidence on our faces, in the voices of our literature, on the screen and in the theatre, and on the stages of our 1ives.

We are being watched, as much for our strength as for ouv' weakness. What we do, what we say, is suddenly in national print or on the 5 O'clock news. All of our movements are being scrutinized. rear is one of the emotions registered on the wind, seen in the faces of the people on the streets and in the conversations dominating our daily lives, fome are rushing to be tested for the

We are fighters.

We will survive!

by Edward Carpenter

1 U m SmTito® W r i t

"n Joy Hi vine of rriends! To hold within the circle of one's arms “ore than the universe holds: So sweet, so rare, so precious beyond words, The god so tenderly mortal!

by Raven Wolfdancer I 1 ive in the spirit of the air I live in the dreams we share Away from the tide of un-knowing fate Within a stream of conscious awakening — There as your chilH selves look upon A mountain-top-wonderVibrant currents soaring, licking at your

Not kisses only or emhraces, Nor the sweet pain and passion of the flesh alone; But more, far more, To feel (Ah joy!) the creature deep within Touch on its mate, unite, and lie entranced There, ages down, and ages long, in light, Suffused, divine— where all these other pieasures Fade but to symbols of that perfect union!"

eet

I live as you 1ive I know as you know . And hope as you hope for the very undoing Of fear, For the rewinding Of heart strings For the out-pouring Of our very souls I I I I

swim within the fury of your storms leap with every spark of every revelation embrace in every time of your embraces am renewed upon "Completion of yourselves.

L ift

by Edward Carpenter "Henceforth I propound a new life for you— That you should bring the Peace and Grace o^ Mature into all your daily life — being freed from vain striving: The freed soul, passing disengaged into the upper air, Forgetful or self, Rising again in others, ever knowing itsel* again and again in others.

(£!toam®M IP@®d

The villa stands with its picturesque gables and garden, Tts Rhododendrons all in flower, and exotic firs with clumps of tuli ps; The ploughman to his horses clicks and calls all day in the midst of the vocal landscape; The rivers wind lazily about the land; the slow Air floats on from the West and South, bringing On its bosom long-promised gifts. Out of houses and closed rooms, out of the closed Prison of self which you have inhabited for so long; Into the hot air which circles round the world, The region of human equality, With out-spread wings balances, resting on that Which is not self, Floating high up as a condor over the mountains In aerial suspense, Or as an eagle flying screaming over the cities Of the earth, with joy delirious-—

It is as brother and sister We meet once again And explore each other's bodies as siblings Whose lives become more rich in their endeavors Ry exploring their kinship of spirit It is to equate sex with living awareness to one's self To be less torn into the trials of being equal partners But knowing more than you are indeed equal partners And are less to need one another to equalize a balance But more to find the seesaw filled

So passing enfranchised shall you regain after Long captivity Your own your native abode"

And the beam supported at both ends

^ d is k in g

f r ie n d ly

? e s im

In the u n c e r t a i n t y of o u r c o n t i n u e d p l a n e t a r y e x i s t e n c e , we are still aware of a c o n s t a n t c y c l e o f t h e r y t h y m s o f n a t u r e . O u r r e l a t i o n s h i p s t o t h e s e u n e n d i n g h u t p a t t e r n e d e v e n t s is s o m e w h a t n e b u l o u s , a n d o f t e n a s t r u g g l e f o r t h e s o u l . It. is a q u e s t f o r u s f o r u n d e r s t a n d i n g ; a n a t u r a l s e e k i n g to be a b i g g e r p a r t of t h e l i f e c y c l e , n u t of t h e s e n a t u r a l y e a r n i n g s , m e n h a v e g r o w n t o g e t h e r to be a p a r t of o n e a n o t h e r a n d a p a r t o f t h e w h o l e . M e n b e c o m e m a t e s , become lovers and become friends, /bile r e a c h i n g o u t to o u r f r i e n d s w e f i n d a n i n c r e d i b l e i n n e r d e v e l o p m e n t a n d a n o p p o r t u n i t y t o be s a t i a t e d i n a K i n d r e d h u m a n s p i r i t . In t h i s " F r i e n d s h i p " s e c t i o n we h a v e a d d r e s s e d a set of q u e s t i o n s a b o u t h o w we d e a l w i t h f r i e n d s h i p s . We have more q u e s t i o n s than answers, hut the f o l l o w i n g q u e s t i o n s are off e r e d for our c o n s i d e r a t i o n and co n t e m p l a t i o n .

L I

L- 1

A r e y o u c o n t e n t w i t h y o u r f r i e n d s h i p s ? ie. D o y o u r e c e i v e the n o u r i s h m e n t a n d c h a l l e n g e t h a t y o u w a n t ? If not, w h y not. W h a t k i n d of r e l a t i o n s h i p w o u l d y o u h a v e w i t h y o u r i d e a l b e s t f r i e n d ? W h a t k i n d o f c o m m i t m e n t \*ould b e i n v o l v e d ? D o y o u t h i n k A I D S h a s i n f l u e n c e d G a y m e n t o r e l a t e m o r e a s f r i e n d s ,.nd l e s s a s i m p e r s o n a l o r a n o n y m o u s s e x p a r t n e r s ? W h a t r o l e d o e s s e x h a v e in y o u r f r i e n d s h i p s ? In a s o c i e t y w h e r e we m e e t so m a n y n e w p e o p l e , do y o u h a v e a f e a r of m a k i n g too m a n y f r i e n d s h i p s a n d not h a v i n g time for them all ? Or do y o u find that even though you know many people, you don't have enough friends? Do y o u o f t e n " c o o l - o u t " o r " b u r n - o u t " on f r i e n d s ? W h y ? Do y o u h a v e g o o d f r i e n d s w h o r e m a i n li k e f a m i l y to y o u e v e n t h o u g h y o u a re s e p a r a t e d b y ti m e a n d d i s t a n c e , s e e i n g e a c h ot h e r o n l y o c c a s i o n a l l y ? With some friends, do c h a n g i n g c i r c u m s t a n c e s a l t e r y o u r r e l a t i o n Â s h i p ? ex, Do y o u g r o w in d i f f e r e n t d i r e c t i o n s as y o u r J o b or s c hool s i t u a t i o n c h a n g e s ? Do y o u r f r i e n d s t r e a t y o u d i f f e r e n t l y i f y o u h a v e a l o v e r ? Vs a G a y m a n , d o y o u f i n d i t h a r d t o a d j u s t t o n o t h a v i n g c h i l d r e n ? A r e y o u r f r i e n d s y o u r e x t e n d e d f a m i l y ? I s it t r u e t h a t f r i e n d s c o m e a n d go, b u t f a m i l y m e m b e r s w i l l "he t h e r e " f o r y o u f o r l i f e ? W i l l y o u h a v e l i f e - l o n g f r i e n d s ? â&#x20AC;&#x2122;/ h a t d o y o u g e t f r o m y o u r e x t e n d e d f a m i l y ( f r i e n d s ) t h a t y o u d o n ' t g e t f r o m y o u r b l o o d f a m i l y , a n d v i c e v e r s a ? H o w d o y o u d e f i n e " f a m i l y " ? Is i t j u s t b l o o d r e l a t i v e s , is it a s e l e c t g r o u p o f f r i e n d s , is it t h e p e o p l e y o u w o r k w i t h , live w i t h ? Is t h e r e a g l o b a l f a m i l v ? W h a t k i n d o f c o m m i t m e n t is i n v o l v e d b e t w e e n t h e s e " f a m i l y " me ml

ifr-;

Friends and

Lovers K â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;^ K P I

You are a friend h e a r t with,

to s h a r e my m i n d and

you

blossom

into the

I s h a r e my

b e f o r e my e y e s soul

a n d I b i n d to you a s the m a t e to s h a r e my life with.

with,

the

T h e b o n d th a t l i n k s yo u r tr u e f a m i l y is n ot o n e of blood, but of r e s p e c t a nd joy in e a c h o t h e r ' s life. R a r e l y do m e m b e r s of o n e f a m i l y g r o w up u n d e r the s a m e roof.

p oint, a l m o s t e v e r y o n e a d m i t s to a d e s i r e for a d e e p l y l o v i n g l o n g - t e r m commitment, w i t h a n o t h e r pers o n . W e a r e in the p r o c e s s of r e d i s c o v e r i n g the i m p o r t a n t r o l e that f r i e n d s c a n play in k e e p i n g a l o v e r s h i p t o g e t h e r and w h o l e .

Richard

the i n d i v i d u a l ' s e x i s t e n c e w a s i n s e p a r a b l e f r o m the m e a n i n g of the t r i b e ' s e x i s t e n c e , a n d e a c h w a s very m u c h d e p e n d e n t on t h e o t h e r for s u r v i v a l . Until r e c e n t l y , t h e f e e l i n g of t r i b a l a f f i n i t y h a s c o n t i n u e d to e x p r e s s i t s e l f in o u r m o r e c o m p l e x modern culture as large family units where grand p a r e n t s , aunts, and c o u s i n s lived near each o t h e r a n d m a i n t a i n e d an a w a r e n e s s of g r o u p r e l a t e d n e s s , a s e n s e o f l o y a l t y to t h e i r " b l o o d " ties with one another. F a m i l y c l o s e n e s s is s t ill the ru l e in s o m e c u l t u r e s , p a r t i c u l a r l y in Asia, and it is of c o u r s e t h e p r e m i s e of " p r i m i t i v e " c u l t u r e s s t i l l in e x i s t e n c e a r o u n d the w o r l d . In N o r t h A m e r i c a , the la s t v e s t i g e s of t r a d i t i o n a l f a m i l i e s l i n g e r a s a n a c h r o n i s m s in the r u r a l a reas, and in the c i t i e s e x t r e m e m o b i l i t y a n d e c o n o m i c i n d e p e n d e n c e h a v e a l l o w e d us to d i s p e n s e e n t i r e l y w i t h f a m i l y t o g e t h e r n e s s as a n u n n e e d e d and

r e s p o n s i b i l i t y for our o w n h a p p i n e s s , to t r eat our l o v e r a s a friend.

we c a n

begin

W e c a n g i v e o ur l o v e r the s a m e r e s p e c t a nd c o u r t e s y w e w o u l d g i v e to a ny of o u r fr i e n d s . W e can s u p p o r t h i m w h e n h e ' s f e e l i n g weak, m a k e it O K for h i m to say "no" to us, g i v e h i m t he s p a c e to be e x a c t l y w h o he is e v e n t h o u g h that m a y d i f f e r d r a m a t i c a l l y f r o m w h o w e are. W e c an be p o l i t e to him, p r a i s e him, not e x p e c t h i m to m e e t all o ur needs, not e x p e c t h i m to be p e r f e c t for us, not say t h i n g s to hu r t h i m or do t h i n g s to i n t e n t i o n a l l y u p s e t him. And we c a n a s k t he s a m e t h i n g s in retu r n .

u n w a n t e d i n g r e d i e n t in d a i l y l i v i n g . A n d s o it h a p p e n s that c o u p l e s w i t h i n the l a r g e r f a m i l y h a v e lost s o m e t h i n g i m p o r t a n t . T h e y h a v e lost a s u p p o r t syst e m .

the d i n n e r

Bach

A ta s k of our c h a n g i n g c u l t u r e , a n d e s p e c i a l l y of o ur G a y c u l t u r e , is to find n e w w a y s of r e l a t i n g as c o u p l e s that b r i n g s us a c k n o w l e d g e m e n t , s u s t a i n s us e m o t i o n a l l y and b a l a n c e s us, w i t h o u t the s u p p o r t of the t r a d i t i o n a l family. F r i e n d s c a n h e l p us do this. W e c a n b e g i n by b e i n g a go o d f r i e n d to ourselves. T h o u g h it s e e m s a n a t u r a l thing, v o l u m e s h a v e be e n w r i t t e n o n h o w to li k e y o u r s e l f . W e k n o w that if we a r e w i t h o u t a gent l e , r e s p e c t f u l a t t i t u d e a b o u t o u r s e l v e s w h i c h a c c e p t s us for w h o we a r e in the m o m e n t , a n d f o c u s e s p r i m a r i l y on our go o d q u a l i t i e s and a c c o m p l i s h m e n t s , then w e a r e not a b l e to e f f e c t i v e l y e x p r e s s that a t t i t u d e t o w a r d s o u r l o v e r s a n d f r i ends. S e l f - f u l f i l l m e n t is a b s o l u t e l y d e p e n d e n t on s e l f - l o v e . By t a k i n g

G o n e a r e t h e d a y s of the t r i b a l c o m m u n i t y w h e r e e a c h m e m b e r h a d h i s u n i q u e part to pl a y in s u p p o r t i n g a n d p r o t e c t i n g the g r o u p . T h e v a l u e of

longer at

but

to s a t i s f y If we are

p a t i e n t and s u p p o r t i v e at a l l times, o b j e c t i v e and n o n - j u d g m e n t a l a b o u t o ur " i s s u e s " w i t h e a c h o ther. Is it a w o n d e r so m a n y of us tu r n to p r o f e s s i o n a l c o u n s e l l o r s for h e lp?

g e n e r a l tren d , a c c e n t u a t e d in o u r G a y c o m m u n i t y , of s h y i n g a w a y fr o m l o v e r s h i p b e c a u s e it is c o n s i d e r e d too t r a n s i e n t , too u n o b t a i n a b l e , too c o n f i n i n g , or t oo C! Itionally w e a r i n g . Y e t w h e n p r e s s e d to the

is n o

in N e w J e r s e y and

w i t h a lover, or s c o u t i n g for one, c h a n c e s a r e good lie w i l l be left a l a r g e pa r t of the b u r d e n of b e ing o ur m o t h e r , o ur child, our b r o t h e r , o ur e v e r y t h i n g . T h e b u f f e r z o n e b e t w e n l o v e r s is gone, a nd H E b e c o m e s o u r e n t i r e i m m e d i a t e family. T h i s is r o m a n t i c u n t i l H E a nd I r e a l i z e w e m u s t be t o t a l l y i n t e r e s t i n g , i n t e r e s t e d , e n t e r t a i n i n g , loving,

g r e a t c h a l l e n g e s in li f e th a t w e c a n e x p e r i e n c e . R e c e n t t r a n s f o r m a t i o n s in o u r c u l t u r e a w a y f r om t r a d i t i o n a l f a m i l y s t r u c t u r e t o w a r d an i n d i v i d u a l l i f e s t y l e that s t r e s s e s i n d e p e n d e n c e , s e l f s u f f i c i e n c y and m o b i l i t y , a r e r e q u i r i n g a s h i f t in h o w we r e l a t e to o u r f r i e n d s a n d l o v e r s . W e s ee a

table

e n t e r t a i n i n g us w i t h h i s a n c i e n t s t o r i e s , o u r aun t a r o u n d to lend a s y m p a t h e t i c ear n e e d one. F a t h e r is not p r e s e n t to o f f e r

they're

say w i t h a s i g h of relief,

we a r e s o c i a l c r e a t u r e s , and w h o is left our v a r i e d n e e d s of r e l a t i n g day to day?

I choose

In th i s Age, m a i n t a i n i n g a l o n g - l a s t i n g love r e l a t i o n s h i p a s a c o u p l e , g a y or not, is o n e of

Grandpa

"Thank God

not h e r e , " w e m i g h t

a n d a s we g r o w lover

ourselves.

n o r is w h e n we the

But

if o ur h u s b a n d

is a l r e a d y

busy

f l e s h i n g out

the

r o l e s of ten d i f f e r e n t f a m i l y m e m b e r s for us, do w e d a r e a p p r o a c h h i m w i t h o n e m o r e i t e m on o u r a g e n d a of n e e d s â&#x20AC;&#x201D; t h e need for h i m to be o u r f r i e n d ? If w e

w i s d o m of e x p e r i e n c e , b r o t h e r isn't a v a i l a b l e to s h a r e in o u r e x c i t e m e n t o v e r w h a t h a p p e n e d today, a n d the c h i l d r e n h a v e d i s a p p e a r e d w h o w o u l d play w i t h us and r e m i n d us o f t h e c h i l d w i t h i n

have look

been like m a n y c o u p l e s w h o for too lo n g do not b e y o n d the i r lovers' e y e s a nd l e a v e t h e i r

f r i e n d s h i p s largely unattended, we m i g h t even ask h u b b y to d i v i d e i n t o s e v e r a l s u r r o g a t e f r i e n d s . A nd then t h e r e ' s t h a t t e d d y b e a r w e u s e d to s l e e p

l o v i n g way. S o m e of us c h o o s e to h a v e sex on l y w i t h o u r lover, and find o t h e r w a y s to r e a c h out i n t i m a t e l y to our f r iends. T h i s is b e a u t i f u l , and

w i t h ...

ve r y p o l i t i c a l l y c o r r e c t . It is a l s o not ve r y c o m m o n (at lea s t a m o n g the gay m e n that I a m a w a r e

F r i e n d s h i p s out s i d e a lov e r s h i p can have a b a l a n c i n g e f f e c t by l i g h t e n i n g s o m e of the b u r d e n l o v e r s put on e a c h o t h e r , a n d by m a i n t a i n i n g that

of) b e c a u s e i n t i m a c y n a t u r a l l y s e e k s f u l f i l l m e n t t h r o u g h sex. L o v i n g sex is the u l t i m a t e u n i o n that a c k n o w l e d g e s the d i v i n i t y of a n o t h e r h u m a n being.

s e n s e of s e l f

Sex with

that

the i n d i v i d u a l

lover

needs.

The

healing,

or not.

c u r i o u s e f f e c t of m a k i n g o ur l o v e r s h i p s m o r e i n t e r e s t i n g , and our h u s b a n d s m o r e a p p e a l i n g .

(Ann

L a n d e r s w o u l d n e v e r a gree, but th i s is my c o l u m n . ) M a r r i a g e l o s e s its feel of e n t r a p m e n t , and b e c o m e s an o p p o r t u n i t y to e x p a n d o u r s e l v e s . As we e n g a g e in a d a n c e w i t h o u r f a m i l y of f r i e n d s â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the m e n and w o m e n w e see, w i t h o u r lov e r a n d w i t h o u t h i m â&#x20AC;&#x201D; we s a t i s f y a m u l t i p l i c i t y of n e e d s that our lover c o u l d not h o p e to f u l f i l l , nor s h o u l d be e x p e c t e d

d e n y o ur o w n i m p o r t a n c e . The single self we were before marriage, i n c l u d i n g our r e l a t i o n s h i p s with f r i e n d s a n d the i n t e r e s t s w e p u r s u e d , w i l l r a i s e

p o i n t in a pl e a for r e n e w e d t h e f r a m e w o r k w e call l o v e r s h i p .

f u l fill.

T h e c o n s c i o u s d e c i s i o n of two l o v e r s to op e n t h e m s e l v e s m o r e l o v i n g l y to o t h e r people, e s p e c i a l l y if sex is i n v o l v e d , is l i k e l y to be very t h r e a t e n i n g to the r e l a t i o n s h i p , a n d m a n y of us d o n ' t feel c o m p e l l e d to try it. M o n o g a m y is safer. B u t m u c h of o u r fear e x i s t s b e c a u s e w e ' r e not s u r e h o w to do it r i g h t yet. We must trust ourselves and our lovers, be h o n e s t a b o u t o u r a c t i o n s a nd our feel i n g s , a n d b e y o n d that t h e r e a r e no g u i d e l i n e s .

T h i s v oice s p eaks louder as our husb a n d starts s p e n d i n g mor e time wit h his f riends and projects, and it l i t e r a l l y s h o u t s at us w h e n " H o n e y " g o e s out of t o w n a n d we d i s c o v e r w e ' v e f o r g o t t e n h o w to act. F r i e n d s are our mirrors. W h e t h e r we s e e t h e m o n c e a m o n t h at a F a i r y m e e t i n g , m o r e o f t e n for a c u d d l y e v e n i n g , or e v e r y day a t wo r k , f r i e n d s r e f l e c t a s p e c t s of o u r s e l v e s t h a t w e m a y not s e e m a g n i f i e d in the r e f l e c t i o n s f r o m o u r lover. F r iends teach us a b o u t o u r s e l v e s b e c a u s e we c a n l o o k t h r o u g h their eye s and see o u r s e l v e s from a new perspective. T h e y a d m i r e us and c h a s t i z e us for t h i n g s our h u s b a n d m a y n o t n o t i c e . F r i e n d s s h o w us the w o r l d f r o m t h e i r v i e w p o i n t , a n d it is s o m e t i m e s a totally d i f f e r e n t and p r o v o c a t i v e world. They t e a c h us to a c c e p t p e o p l e in t h e i r i n f i n i t e v a r i e t y and peculiarity. T h e y l i s t e n to us, a d v i s e us, lo v e a nd e n c o u r a g e us. F r i e n d s v a l i d a t e our e x i s t e n c e o u t s i d e of o u r l o v e r s h i p , a n d c o n f i r m the f a c t that w e a r e l o v i n g b e i n g s w h o c a n s h a r e i n t i m a t e l y w i t h mor e than one person. It is our natural

be very a f f i r m i n g and

D e s p i t e the j e a l o u s i e s that tend to a rise, r e l a t i n g to o u r f r i e n d s on w h a t e v e r l e v e l s w e c h o o s e h a s the

e v e r r e l a t e d to a n y o n e in o u r f a m i l y , and by m a i n t a i n i n g f r i e n d s h i p s o v e r t i m e r e g a r d l e s s of w h e r e w e go. T o k e e p our love r e l a t i o n s h i p s from c r u m b l i n g in on t h e m s e l v e s , we b u i l d t h e m on the s o l i d f o u n d a t i o n t h a t is o u r s e n s e of self. After c o u r t i n g a n d s t a r l i t i n f a t u a t i o n is ov e r , if o u r w o r l d c o n t i n u e s to o r b i t a r o u n d o u r lover, then we

h is v o i c e at s o m e expression within

friends can

whether we are married

f e e l i n g of s t a b i l i t y a n d " p l a c e " we u s e d to get f r o m f a m i l y is r e c l a i m e d by r e l a t i n g on a d e e p e r l e v e l w i t h o u r f r i e n d s , p e r h a p s m o r e d e e p l y t h a n we

sta t e .

L i v i n g on a d e s e r t e d i s l a n d w i t h o u r l o v e r is not o u r n a t u r a l stat e , a n d w o u l d u n d o u b t e d l y s t a r t to feel le s s l i k e P a r a d i s e a n d m o r e l i k e O b l i v i o n as

Each couple must

reach

they w i l l

to friends.

ti m e d r a g g e d on. W e w a n t to s h a r e o u r s e l v e s in m u l t i - f a c e t e d way s w i t h the man y people we are a t t r a c t e d to d u r i n g t h e c o u r s e of o u r liv e s . This

When

is t r u e no m a t t e r h o w d e e p l y we r e m a i n our m a te. W h e n we s h u t o u r s e l v e s d o w n limiting our we commit

ability

to r e l a t e

a crime against

to a n d

ourselves.

see

relate

the

t h eir o wn a g r e e m e n t s o n h o w

f r i e n d s we love

in a d d i t i o n

become

to o u r m a t e ?

lovers

that we

Is th i s a c c e p t a b l e

a n y level, a n d c o u l d it be s u c c e s s f u l ? Too f r e q u e n t or too i n t e n s e d e v o t i o n to f r i e n d s c an

in l o v e w i t h by s e v e r e l y l o v e o t h e r s,

d i s s i p a t e the e n e r g y of b a l a n c e m u s t be found.

This

experiment

happens

the l o v e r s h i p , a nd a It c a n be a d i f f i c u l t

that m e e t s w i t h

times.

requires

th ey

o n g o i n g , a l l o w i n g f e e d b a c k on w h a t f e e l s r i g h t and what feels intolerable. T h e c h a l l e n g e of r e l a t i n g

do not wan t

being sensitive

f a i l u r e at

a ll the time. M e n a v o i d r e l a t i n g to c o u p l e s b e c a u s e t h e y e x p e c t o n e or b o t h to be s h u t d o w n to the e x p e r i e n c e . Men avoid having a lover because

to t he n e e d s of our

pa r t n e r , a nd to our o wn n e e d s a n d l i m i t s at an y p o int in time. C o m m u n i c a t i o n m u s t be o p e n and

to be s h u t down.

to f r i e n d s a nd l o v e r s in c h a l l e n g e for m a n y of us d i m i n i s h or b r e a k l o v e ' s surely reward u s w i t ^ ^ g

S e x is t h e c l e n c h e r h e r e â&#x20AC;&#x201D; e x t r a m a r i t a l sex, if you will. W e c a n t a k e p r e c a u t i o n s to m a k e sex s a f e f r o m d i s e a s e , but we c a n ' t m a k e it s a f e fr o m e m o t i o n a l u p h e a v a l . Or can we? S e x is not a r e q u i r e m e n t to e x p e r i e n c e f r i e n d s in a d e e p l y

n e w w a y s is a w o r t h y today. It will not c o m m i t m e n t s , and w i l l r e a t e r s e n s ( M ) f s t ren g t h

Js levity?tyur "Bestfrieti) fyaltay? if When

I get

isolated,

b j

I get d e p ressed,

ro w j/ confused,

c o n stipated, fearful, angry, and despairing. m y s e l f I a m d i s h o n e s t — u n a b l e to g r a t e f u l l y

Unto

a c k n o w l e d g e love, b e a u t y , faith, food, c l o t h i n g , and s h e l t e r . S o m e h o w , a hug, full body, m a k e s me

u s„ jh w t>m

. ... J„ 1„ „

t a l k i n g d i v o r c e a nd I w e n t i n t o shock, true to me w a s j e o p a r d i z i n g my family.

feel goo4. H u g g i n g m y s e l f l e a v e s m e f e e l i n g e m p t y and s e l f - c r i t i c a l . So, I d o n ' t do we l l a s an island. For s i x t e e n y e a r s I had a m a r r i a g e w i t h s houlder hugs and al m o s t e x c l u s i v e l y p r o c r e ational sex. F o r p a r e n t h o o d I c o u l d get it up!

w as

the k e y s t o n e of my

life.

All

for b e i n g My f amily

l i f e ' s h o p e s and

d r e a m s w e r e tied to that i n s t i t u t i o n . I was angry a nd a f r a i d . W h a t w o u l d I h a v e l e f t if I a g r e e d to divorce? W h o w o u l d I be?

G e o r g e h a s b e c o m e my best frie n d . W e m e t in the t n eor s e c t i o n of a c h u r c h c h o i r t w e l v e y e a r s ago. W h e n he l e f t t h e c h o i r we s t a y e d in t o u c h t h r o u g h o t h e r c h u r c h a c t i v i t i e s a n d t h r o u g h m u t u a l fr i ends. A b o u t s e v e n y e a r s a g o o u r s h a r e d l o v e o f w a t e r and s a i l i n g i n t r o d u c e d p r i v a c y and i n t i m a c y to our relationship. I b o u g h t a s a i l b o a t e a n d G e o r g e and I m a d e the ti m e to sail two a n d t h r e e t i m e s a mo n t h . T h e h o u r - l o n g d r i v e s to for t o u c h i n g h e a r t s a n d b o d i e s .

fa fh .

M y w i f e w a s j e alous. S h e r e s e n t e d that I s h a r e d w i t h G e o r g e in a w a y I n e v e r d id w i t h her. She was right. He w a s m o r e th a n my best friend. I told her I w a n t e d to be m a r r i e d to her but w o u l d not gi v e up t h i s part of me I'd d i s c o v e r e d w i t h G e o rge. I proposed open marriage. S h e said no. We began

G e o r g e r e c o m m e n d e d b i s e x u a l i t y , if I had to c a l l it s o m e t h i n g , a nd I w a n t e d that. S o as I p l a n n e d di v o r c e , I d a t e d a w o m a n w h o ' d s h o w n i n t e r e s t in me. men

I w a n t e d to h a v e it b o t h ways. However, with I felt lusty a n d e n e r g i z e d , a n d w i t h her I felt

s t r e s s e d a nd d e f e n s i v e . I c a m e out, to my m o t h e r a nd b r o t h e r s s and on my mob. I w a s on a d o w n h i l l ru s h of s e l f - d i s c o v e r y . It w a s e x h i l a r a t i n g and f r e e i n g to risk r e j e c t i o n a n d to find s u p p o r t from o t h e r gays.

the lake w e r e t i m e s G e o r g e had b e en in

t h e r a p y and his c o m f o r t w i t h s h a r i n g t h o u g h t s a nd f e e l i n g s o p e n e d m e to s e l f - d i s c l o s u r e in a w a y I h ad n e v e r e x p e r e i n c e d b e f o r e . He s e e m e d e x t r a o r d i n a r i l y p a t i e n t d u r i n g t h i s time. I'd s h a r e a s e c r e t a n d t h e n c l o s e li k e a c l a m a n d not s p e a k to h i m for a week. I t h o u g h t he w a s a s a i n t

My f e e l i n g s for G e o r g e c h a n g e d . I w a n t e d h i m to r e p l a c e the s p o u s e I'd lost. I w a n t e d to be m a r r i e d to the m a n I loved, a nd that w a s n ot possible. He w a s a l r e a d y c o m m i t t e d . The r e l a t i o n s h i p — I n ow c a l l e d us l o v e r s — had b i r t h e d me. It had p r o t e c t e d me so I felt safe, and I wanted guarantees. I d i d n ' t l i k e b e i n g single, t h o u g h it w a s f a n t a s t i c to be free, to be me. I

to put u p w i t h me. 1 b e g a n c o n c l u d i n g it m u s t be mroe than friendship. It m u s t be mo r e . T h e r e w as trust.

n e e d e d limits, b o u n d a r i e s . I w a n t e d s u p p o r t for my n e w l i f e and c o u l d n ' t get it f r o m G e o r g e , the

1 liked b e i n g w i t h G e o r g e . A part of me b l o s s o m e d I'd d e n i e d b e f o r e . I ' m t u r n e d on by men. I was

p e r s o n w h o b r o u g h t m e out. us? Of me?

t u r n e d o n by him, a n d it f r i g h t e n e d a n d e x c i t e d me. O n e time at the l a k e I s t r i p p e d o f f my s u i t and c o n s p i c u o u s l y t h r e w it to t h e s h o r e . George noticed, lie to o k h i s o f f too! I started swimming off, s l o w l y . He c a u g h t m e a n d s t a r t e d r u n n i n g h i s h a n d s o v e r iny body. It felt great! H e l i k e d me and c l u m s i l y I r e a c h e d for him. B e f o r e long, we shared masturbation.

What was

to b e c o m e of

G e o r g e c a l l e d us b u d d i e s . Friends who share e v e r y t h i n g , w h o do not j u d g e o n e a n o t h e r . E a c h of us is a u t o n o m o u s w i t h o u r o w n n e e d s a nd f e e l i n g s . 1 feel like I h a v e s u f f e r e d a s e c o n d div o r c e . O c c a s i o n a l sex for fun b e t w e e n f r i e n d s f e e l s l i m i t e d in s o m e w ay a n d t h e r e a r e reg r e t s . George k n o w s me s o we l l a nd is so go o d for me a n d is so considerate. I'll n e v e r find a n o t h e r li k e him. I w i l l find a l o v e r w i t h w h o m I c a n be family. I h a v e a d e a r m o t h e r w h o s e p o w e r o v e r my f e e l i n g s is m o s t i n t i m i d a t i n g . W h e n she c o o k s my f a v o r i t e m e a l — real l y , a ny m e a l — I feel n u r t u r e d and supported. T h e u n i v e r s e is a f r i e n d l y place. her, h o w e v e r , t h e r e is no r e t i r e m e n t f r o m

With

motherhood. Her c o m p l a i n t s t r i g g e r in m e a r e f l e x r e s p o n s e to fit t h e m and m a k e t h i n g s a l l right. I look for du s t to pi c k up, a nd u n t i d i n e s s to s t r a i g h t e n b e f o r e s h e n o t i c e s and I feel inadequate. I lo v e her so, but I c a n o n l y be the o b e d i e n t c h i l d for s h o r t s t r e t c h e s b e f o r e my soul s c r e a m s to be freed. My of

t h i r t e e n - y e a r - o l d s o n is f amily. p r i d e and f r u s t r a t i o n , a c c o r d i n g

to w h i c h

-wr

h is

behavior

He is a s o u r c e to the e x t e n t

e m b e l l i s h e s my good

r e p u t a t i o n or to w h i c h he d o e s w h a t he w a n t s w h e n he w ants. I love h i m a n d a m v e r y g r a t e f u l h e ' s a part of m y life. H e ' s b e a u t i f u l and he l o v e s me

or MfO

SHARING THEb y WARMTH h i «■ K In the m o o n l e s s W i n t e r n i g h t we a r e two l o v e r s a n d a friend, s n e a k i n g like c r i m i n a l s into the old d e s e r t e d bath h o u s e to ste a l a s o a k in the hot s p r i n g s m i n e r a l wa t e r . F r a n t i c a l l y we sh e d our l a y e r s of p r o t e c t i v e c l o t h i n g , a nd we e x p o s e our s k i n to icy a i r a s we d e s c e n d by d i m c a n d l e l i g h t in t o the s t e a m i n g m a r b l e tank. In t h i s c r u m b l i n g b u i l d i n g w i t h m u d d y f l o o r s a nd s c a t t e r e d timber, we t h i n k of the w e l l - t o - d o w h o used to s u b m e r g e t h e m s e l v e s h e r e for the h e a l t h and s h e e r e l e g a n c e of it. O u r g l a n c i n g e y e s f e a s t on n u d e b o d i e s as the f l i c k e r i n g f l a m e of the c a n d l e l i c k s s h a d o w s o f f our c h e s t s a nd s t o m a c h s , a nd we s i m m e r w i t h the c u r i o s i t y of n e w f r i ends. Aaaaah,

Hot!

In bed, I t e e t h e h i s n i p p l e like a n i n f a n t h u n g r y for s o o t h i n g w a r m milk. I s t r o k e h i s long g r o w i n g s t a l k a s it r i s e s f r o m the d a r k f u zzy g r o u n d and s t r e t c h e s t h e r m o t r o p i c a l l y u p w a r d to r e c e i v e the n o u r i s h i n g gi f t of w a r m c a r e s s e s . M m m m m m , Hot! You l a v i s h your wet l i p s ov e r h i s mo u t h , and t e a s i n g l y s e a r c h the m o i s t p u c k e r of Ills a s s h o l e w i t h your f i n g e r t i p s . S l i d i n g y o u r s l i c k b u l b o u s c o c k i n t o h is s a t i n tunnel, you find t h e r e is no w a i t i n g , o n l y the i m m e d i a t e e c s t a s y of p u m p i n g your w a r m load into th i s beau t i f u l s w e a t i n g friend. P s s sss,

Hot!

W i t h a g e n t l e s m i l e you p r e s s yo u r face c l o s e to m i ne, and I p l a c e my p a l m o v e r your h eart, and w e g l o w w i t h our s h a ring. A a a a a h , t he W a r m t h !

cont’d from page 34 too.

In my

new-found

a d o l e s c e n t also. anxi e t y .

sexuality

We share

I feel

l i k e an

the s a m e e x c i t e m e n t

a nd

E s t r a n g e d fr o m family, l o n e l y and i n s e c u r e , my a m b i t i o n for c o n t a c t is b o u n d l e s s . I've joined g r o u p s to m e e t m e n a nd h a v e f a l l e n in love fi v e or six times. I 'm l o v i n g m y s e l f more. I 'm l o v i n g and loveable and therefore hopeful. A f f e c t i o n and t o u c h i n g a r e so i m p o r t a n t , as is l e i s u r e l y loving. I l i k e t r u s t i n g the u n i v e r s e to p r o v i d e for me and for o t h e r s t h r o u g h me. With touch I have b o u n d a r i e s and l imits, I'm g r o u n d e d , I 'm a body. W i t h o u t c o n t a c t my s p i r i t f e e l s o m n i p o t e n t — all is possible. I frustrate myself with potential. A p a r t of m e s a y s find so m e t i m e to c o u n t on fast. H o w e v e r , l e a r n i n g a b o u t me r e q u i r e s ti m e and mistakes. I ' m g r o w i n g in s e l f - r e s p e c t , in a s e n s e

II The

man

looks

for

his

happiness

within himself, and the m o r e f i r m l y he s t a n d s s u p p o r t e d by t h e c o n s c i o u s n e s s of his intrinsic merit, the more d e s i r o u s he is to c u l t i v a t e f r i e n d s h i p , and the b e t t e r f r i e n d he c e r t a i n l y proves."

of s e p a r a t e n e s s , and in a u t o n o m y . I'm l e a r n i n g to m e e t p e o p l e w i t h o u t l o s i n g m y s e l f in them. I'm f i n d i n g s u p p o r t by a s k i n g for it. I t ' s a re l i e f n o t to feel I h a v e to act on all my i m p u l s e s . B e a u t y is and b e a u t y d o e s s o m e t i m e s . And that's OK. H e r e I come, world! M y s e x u a l i t y is no lo n g e r a t r e a s u r e t;o be h i d d e n aw a y n or a s i g n a n d seal for Mr. R ight. It ' s a c e l e b r a t i o n of m e to be s a v o r e d and not a f i r e w o r k s d i s p l a y of b r i l l i a n c e , boom, a nd e m p t y b l a c k and f a l l i n g a s h e s . I've l o v e d and lost a n d w i l l love ag a i n .

Cicero

M y p a r e n t s d i e d w h e n I w a s v e r y young. I was a d o p t e d a f e w y e a r s later, a n d my e a r l y c h i l d h o o d in L.A. was, a l t h o u g h l a c k i n g in e m o t i o n , r a t h er norm a l . H o w e v e r , a r o u n d a d o l e s c e n c e , for no a p p a r e n t r e a s o n , I b e c a m e p a i n f u l l y shy; an introvert.

The childhood

friends

I had k n o w n w e r e

g r o w i n g in d i f f e r e n t d i r e c t i o n s , and for so m e r e a s o n I d i d n ' t get c l o s e to a n y o n e at j u n i o r high. (I h a v e a f e e l i n g a lot of the p r o b l e m w a s that I w a s an e m e r g i n g gay m a n in a v e r y s t r a i g h t s o c i e t y — public

school.)

So I threw myself become a perfect

i n t o s c h o o l w o r k in an a t t e m p t little

pers o n ,

thereby

getting

p e o p l e to n o t i c e a n d c a r e a b o u t me. Four years later I had s t r a i g h t A's, p r o u d s t e p - p a r e n t s , and no f r i e n d s .

if I h a v e a pr o b l e m .

She

d i f f e r e n t c i t i e s , we s t i l l and s h a r e o ur lives.

mine. T h e ne x t s t e p w a s s o m e w h a t o b v i o u s — find t h o s e w h o h a v e s o m e t h i n g s in c o m m o n , and

Some

commiserate.

f r i e n d s h i p s ...

i n t e r e s t s w e r e in m u s i c a n d drama,

and He

w a s n ' t h a p p y w i t h the q u a l i t y of s h o w s that the s c h o o l w a s p u t t i n g on, so he d e c i d e d to st a r t d i r e c t i n g his own backyard t heatre productions. Well, I i m m e d i a t e l y a u d i t i o n e d , a n d w a s so

y e a r s ago, a n d w e a r e s t i l l f r i e n d s . Stuart hasn't c h a n g e d much, but w e ' v e b o t h g r o w n a lot as people, and I t h i n k o u r f r i e n d s h i p h a s h e l p e d us lea r n a lot a b o u t our d i f f e r e n t l i f e s t y l e s and p e r s o n a l i t y

girlfriend

turned out

to be m y

moved

second

to l i s t e n

(and

friends

Mark.

an exile,

A writer

I met when

I first m o v e d up

is a n i n s p i r a t i o n for me. W e ha v e m a n y simi l a r c a r e e r goals. M a r k h a s p u s h e d h i m s e l f h a r d e r than

m a y b e give me advice)

the s o l i t a r y a n d

friendship.

north. We w o r k e d t o g e t h e r for a c o u p l e of years and, a l t h o u g h w e d o n ' t s e e e a c h o t h e r too often, he

t h e r e b y a t t a i n i n g so m e m e a s u r e of success, it is w o r k i n g for a loc a l gay paper inst e a d

of a m a j o r d a i l y p a per as he'd like. I a d m i r e him m o r e t h a n I'll e v e r be a b l e to tell him.

O n l y s o l i t a r y m e n k n o w t h e full joys of friendship. O t h e r s h a v e t h e i r family; but

significant

Ji m m y . A kid ten y e a r s y o u n g e r than me. He to L.A. f r o m S o u t h C a r o l i n a w i t h h i s lov e r to

I have, even if ^

talk

p r o b a b l y n e v e r be a father, so I ' m glad for the o p p o r t u n i t y to s h a r e w h a t k n o w l e d g e , wisdom, and c o m m o n s e n s e I can.

a n d s he had a f a t h e r in " t h e b u s i n e s s . " S h e and I w o r k e d t o g e t h e r on m a n y s h o w s for S t u a r t , and, a l t h o u g h I at. first, w r o t e h e r o f f a s an a i r h e a d , our f r i e n d s h i p h a s t a u g h t me th a t you r e a l l y h a v e to look b e n e a t h the s u r f a c e to f i n d t h e true person. L u c y h a s b e c o m e o n e of the few p e o p l e I count

a nd

become a cameraman. H e ' s the l i t t l e b r o t h e r I n e v e r had, a n d the fact that he l o o k s up to me and r e l a t e s to m e a s a c o n f e s s o r / a d v i s o r m a k e s me feel as if I'm g i v i n g s o m e t h i n g ba c k to m a n kind. I'll

l o n g - t e r m friend. L u c y w a s e v e r y t h i n g n e i t h e r of us w e r e — b l o n d e , c u t e a n d perky, p o p u l a r , a n d rich,

can

t h o u g h t s a b o u t my o t h e r

a-month-to-discuss-our-lives

types. S t u a r t is s t r a i g h t , n e u r o t i c , cy n i c a l , a nd at t i m e s t o o n e g a t i v e to d e a l with, but h e ' s a good l i s t e n e r a n d a go o d Leach e r , a n d ve r y d e d i c a t e d to what he b e l i e v e s in. fir s t

together

Mi t c h . A s i d e f r o m m y f i r s t l o v e (w h o m a r r i e d a w o m a n at t w e n t y b e c a u s e he c o u l d n ' t h a n d l e h i s gay fee l i n g s ) , M i t c h is the o n l y m a n I' v e ev e r c o n t e m p l a t e d a c o m m i t m e n t to. O n c e he e x p l a i n e d to m e that he c a r e d for me as a f r i e n d but n o t h i n g more, we s e t t l e d i n t o a c o m f o r t a b l e , d i n n e r - t w i c e -

s p e c t a c u l a r l y u n t a l e n t e d but e n t h u s i a s t i c that I became his assistant director. That was fifteen

His

brief

get

G a ry. A s t r a i g h t m a n I m e t in a p h i l o s o p h y c l a s s at c o l l e g e . 1 h a v e had my m o s t ( m e n t a l l y ) s t i m u l a t i n g d i s c u s s i o n s a n d d e b a t e s w i t h him. If i t ' s p o s s i b l e for two p e o p l e to m a k e l o v e u s i n g o n l y t h eir m i n d s and i n t e l l e c t s , t h e n t h a t ' s w h a t we d o .

so my

f i r s t s t e p w a s to j o i n the p e r f o r m i n g a r t s c l a s s in h i g h sc h o o l . It w a s t h e r e t h a t I m e t Stua r t . He w a s short, f u n n y - l o o k i n g , loud, v e r y t a l e nted, the c e n t e r of a t t e n t i o n — e v e r y t h i n g I wasn ' t .

is as

My f i r s t real f riend w h o w a s gay c a m e a l o n g in college. K e l l y and I bo t h k n e w f r o m the s t a r t that t h ere w o u l d be n o t h i n g but f r i e n d s h i p b e t w e e n us, and I t h i n k that h e l p e d us to r e l a x and o p e n up to e a c h o ther. A l t h o u g h K e l l y is h a n d s o m e , funny, talen t e d , warm, a nd ea s y to ta l k to, he t oo w a s n e r v o u s a b o u t d e a l i n g w i t h o t h e r gay men. It w a s w o n d e r f u l for m e to f i n a l l y h a v e s o m e o n e to s h a r e a l l of t h o s e u n u t t e r a b l e f e e l i n g s w i t h — s o m e o n e o l d e r w h o had be e n e x p e r i e n c i n g the s a m e t h o u g h t s . W e b e c a m e b r o t h e r s and, a l t h o u g h we n o w li v e in

Sound familiar? I ' v e s p o k e n w i t h m o r e than a few gay m e n w h o s e f o r m a t i v e y e a r s c l o s e l y r e s e m b l e

My m a i n

is n o w d i v o r c e d ,

c u t e a s ever, and is t r y i n g to d e c i d e w h a t she w a n t s to be w h e n s h e g r o w s up; s h e s p e n d s her s p a r e time s k a t i n g for t h e r o l l e r derby. A l l I h a v e to do is t h i n k a b o u t her a n d t h o s e t h o u g h t s c h e e r me up.

his

are everything. » me a s my

Willa Cather

Gr a n t . C u r r e n t l y m y best friend. G r a n t sees t oo staid, a n d he d r i n k s a bit too m u c h for

tastes,

but h e ' s so s w e e t a nd o u t g o i n g and

Communion F r o m the top of the hill, w e c h e e r e d the y o u n g bo y s p l a y i n g s o c c e r below; s u n l i g h t f l a s h e d , r e f l e c t e d o n b l o n d h e a d s ru n n i n g , frantic, a b o u t the field. Y o u p a s s e d a j u g of w i n e so h u g e 1 c o u l d h a r d l y b r i n g it to my lips; s o m e d r i b b l e d d o w n my c h i n and, w h e n I l a u g h e d at this, I s p a t w i n e on y o u r f a c e w h i c h m a d e me l a u g h e v e n h a r d e r . " K e e p m o v i n g , you l i t t l e b a s t a r d s , r u n ! " I sho u t e d , s w i g g i n g w i n e a n d t e a r i n g b r e a d in my t e e t h w i t h a l u s t y grunt. W e t r i e d to m i m i c the i r h i g h - p i t c h e d s c r e a m s , r o l l i n g in e a c h othe r s ' l a u g h t e r until, n e a r e x h a u s t i o n , w e m i g h t h a v e s l e p t in s u n l i g h t and e a c h othe r s ' arms. From

the

t o p of

the hill,

the e n e m y

hurled

fi r e at o u r

troops

fighting

from

below; e x p l o s i o n s f l a s h e d , r e f l e c t e d on h e l m e t s r u n n i n g , fr a n t i c , a b o u t the field. Y o u put a c a n t e e n to my m o u t h — I w a s too w e a k to b r i n g it to my lips; t h e w a t e r b u r n e d in my m a n g l e d t h r o at, and, w h e n I c r i e d in pain, I s p a t b l o o d on yo u r face, w h i c h m a d e m e c r y e v e n hard e r . " K e e p m o v i n g , y o u l i t t l e b a s t a r d s , r u n , " I moan e d , c h o k i n g o n w a t e r a n d on my o w n b l o o d and t a t t e r e d flesh. W e t r i e d to d r o w n o u t the h i g h - p i t c h e d s c r e a m s , r o l l i n g in e a c h o t h e r s ’ a g o n y until,

near

deat h ,

we m i g h t

have

slept

in m o o n l i g h t

and e a c h othe r s '

arms.

Aaron Kaufman

cont'd from p. 36 c h e e r f u l , I l o v e b e i n g a r o u n d him. He g e t s me out of my s h e l l a n d o u t of t h e h o u s e ( w h i c h is no m i nor

on l y o n e s c l o s e e n o u g h to s p e n d time together on any r e g u l a r basis. S i n c e I n e ver k n e w my real

m i r a c l e ) . I m e t G r a n t w h i l e I w a s d a t i n g his r o o m m a t e (who t u r n e d out to be a m a j o r flake). Our r e l a t i o n s h i p is s i m p l e — G r a n t k e e p s m e f r o m b e i ng

p a r e n t s , a n d I h a v e yet to c o m m i t m y s e l f to any l o n g - t e r m s e r i o u s r e l a t i o n s h i p ( a l t h o u g h that is

t oo s e r i o u s , a n d I k e e p h i m f r o m g e t t i n g too far a w a y f r o m r e a l i t y , and, u n d e r n e a t h it all, we

wh a t I w a n t m o r e than a n y t h i n g ) , the f r i e n d s h i p s h a v e c u l t i v a t e d h a v e been r e s p o n s i b l e for the m a j o r i t y of my e m o t i o n a l h i g h s and s a t i s f a c t i o n .

really

have often

care about

e a c h other.

without Sue.

T h i s g i r l is my e m o t i o n a l

I a m her s . and would

We've never

known each other

have made

l i f eline,

for

time having invaluable even

fun

too,

but

for us both.

bisexual,

I would

the e m o t i o n a l

ten years,

I w e r e str a i g h t ,

be m a r r i e d

I ' m not per f e c t , but, l e a r n i n g h o w to l e arn

to Sue.

...I a m n o w l i v i n g in S a n F r a n c i s c o .

a nd it is then

support

networks,

love.

p r o b a b l y at l e a s t o n e s i d e of f r i e n d s h i p I ’ve m i s s e d — the t y p e you d e v e l o p w i t h y o u r n e i g h b o r s in

E m e r s o n said,

"Ha p p y

a rural

friend."

th a t

grows

f r o m be i n g

t h a n k s to my friends, I ’m f r o m m i s t a k e s i n s t e a d of

emotional

unconditional

the kind

that I kn o w the

a g o n i z i n g o v e r them. M y f r i e n d s h a v e p r o v i d e d me r o l e m o d e l s , s o u n d i n g boards, p a r t n e r s in crime,

I've spe n t

the m a j o r i t y of m y l i f e in l a r g e c i t i e s , so s o m e w h e r e in the b a c k of my m i n d I feel there is

area,

be like

s i d e of li f e I n e ver w o u l d h a v e se e n by myself, a w a y of s h a r i n g part of m y s e l f w i t h a n o t h e r person, and, m o s t of all, that it's h u m a n to m a k e m i s t a k e s . D u e to my u p b r i n g i n g , I s t i l l feel g u ilt pangs w h e n

spend

support

fri e n d s ,

life w o uld

t r u e m e a n i n g s of fear a nd l o n e l i n e s s . Ea c h of t h e s e p e o p l e h as s h o w n me ( a m o n g o t h e r things) a

and

it w i t h o u t our

friendship. If e i t h e r of us h a s a s e r i o u s e m o t i o n a l p r o b l e m , w e tu r n to e a c h other. We

thought about what

the

I couldn't

grow t h ,

the h o u s e

have

put

and e s p e c i a l l y

that s h e l t e r s a

it b e t t e r m y s e l f . ^

f /

% F

-../•

Y'"s

\ v

,^ ~ < /

.^ S ^ ^ jtJf/J///l//,.. iffltM C

"ifte'loriinbtf>&L As w e d r o v e up lover Ha r r y ,

the Nioirho7 atchez T Tr ra ar cp e

our

friend T i m and

mw Ja ac ck ks so on n, . t of wu a' rd d J

mv w my

I were enjoying

m u s i c f r o m a S t r a u s s tape, a l o n g w i t h v i e w s of the w e l l - t e n d e d forest. H a r r y ' s and my c h i h u a h u a s , N i t a a nd D u w e r e s t r e t c h e d out, e n j o y i n g a f t e r n o o n sun. Despite the irritatingly limit,

our

ri d e w a s

relaxed.

the s l o w s p eed

It w a s a b e a u t i f u l

Friday. S i n c e o u r b u d d y C a r l ( " C a r r r l , " a s Fim c a l l e d him, w i t h a pur r in h i s v o i c e ) , had g r a d u a t e d f r o m S t a t e in h o r t i c u l t u r e , h e ' d l e f t the n e w a p a r t m e n t he rented from Harry, and a c c e p t e d a p o s i t i o n wit h a l a rge f l o r i s t in J a c k s o n . S e v e r a l m o n t h s a f t e r he left, w e d e c i d e d to v i s i t him. Our friendship was at: a s t a g e of r e a d j u s t m e n t , a s w e s t r u g g l e d to k e e p up the shared

former closeness. Now, o u r l i v e s w e r e in s m a l l e r , m o r e c o n c e n t r a t e d dos e s .

w rite. w o n â&#x20AC;&#x2122;t call ca l l or wr ite. I don't know what's gotten into him." H a r r y a n d I l o o k e d at e a c h o t h e r and I said, H a r r y said, " M a y b e h e ' s just b e e n b u s y . " "Guess we'll

s e e."

A few h o u r s later, the road en d e d , a nd w e e n t e r e d the r a m p to J a c k s o n . B u i l t on c l a y beds, the city's older freeways provided a surprising, r o l l e r - c o a s t e r ride as they c o n t i n u e d to ri s e and s e t t l e fr o m n e a r b y c o n s t r u c t i o n . T h e c ar d i p p e d a nd soar e d , and I felt s o m e r e l i e f a s the s c e n e r y c h a n g e d to b u i l d i n g s of m o r e v a r i e d d e s i g n and contrast. Du a n d N i t a w e r e b o t h s i t t i n g up now, l o o k i n g p e rky a n d a l i t t l e bit wea r y . T h e i r s h o r t fur s h i n e d f r o m a r e c e n t bath; D u ' s w a s a brown, fa w n color, while

feisty

quivered with In our

sma l l ,

southern

t i m e - w a r p of a c o l l e g e

s p a c e s at C a r l ' s ,

out

sometimes

just

back.

We counseled

each

listened.

As w e rod e a l o n g , H a r r y , the e v e r - o n s t a g e p a r t i e r , got us s t a r t e d . T o the o r c h e s t r a l a c c o m p a n i m e n t of T h e B l u e D a n u b e , h e b e g a n to s q u a w k s o f t l y , in time, and o f f - k e y . S h a d e s of D i s n e y ; w e b r o k e up. It w a s very

infectious;

puzzled

henhouse.

we soon

d o g s and

We cackled

filled

the c a r w i t h

the s o u n d s of

the

two

homo

o u r s e l v e s sil l y .

As we r o d e on, a n d o u r l a u g h t e r e n d e d , I o b s e r v e d my lover, a n d my frie n d . H a r r y a n d I had b e e n w o n d e r f u l l y , h a p p i l y in l o v e for a litt l e o v e r t h r e e y ea r s , lie w a s s o m e w h a t of a d r e s s e r , w i t h a flair li k e A u n t i e Marne ( " L i f e ' s a b a n q u e t , a n d m o s t poor s u c k e r s a r e s t a r v i n g to d e a t h " . ) Sipping a beer a s h e d r o v e , he l o o k e d t a n n e d a n d f r e s h l y groomed. W i t h h i s tall frame, s q u a r e d p e c t o r a l s , flat still

b el l y , seemed

and

so f t ,

dark

s w i r l s of

body

ha i r ,

quite desirable.

I had k n o w n T i m for a b o u t a y e a r l e s s s i nce b efore his car a c c i dent. After

Nita

was a pretty

blonde.

Their

noses

n e w s c e nts.

town,

t h e r e w e r e just a few liberal social g r o u p s , We partied and c o n s o r t e d a m o n g those. T h r o u g h Har r y, an e a s y f r i e n d s h i p s p r a n g up b e t w e e n C a r l a n d me, a nd w e v i s i t e d e a c h o t h e r o f t e n , u s u a l l y in H a r r y ' s t u r n - o f - t h e - e e n t u r y m a n s e or t h e coo l , p l a n t - f i l l e d oth e r ,

~P<3V({) J f a & k , 73

t h a n that, his hospital

stay, we had all v i s i t e d m o r e r e g u l a r l y . He recup e r a t e d slowly, and s eemed quieter, less f l a m b o y a n t , a l t h o u g h he s t i l l f o l l o w e d p o p m u s i c

C a r l c a m e to t he car as w e p u l l e d into the driveway. He w a s t a n n e d a nd o i l e d f r o m s u n b a t h i n g , and I a d m i r e d h i s t r i m l i n e s a n d s a n d y hair. He m e n t i o n e d h i s g e t t i n g o f f w o r k e arly. B e n e a t h h is o f f h a n d w it a n d g r a c i o u s h o s t i n g , I s e n s e d a bo r e d o m , s o m e g e n e r a l d i s s a t i s f a c t i o n . When I as k e d , he said he w a s fine, a l t h o u g h h i s n e w job s e e m e d limited, r o u t i n e . I, s t i l l in s c h o o l for a n o t h e r d e g r e e , a nd c r a m m i n g w i t h s h i t l o a d s of k n o w l e d g e , d i d n ' t u n d e r s t a n d at all, but I let it pass.

F i n a l l y , we n o t i c e d . S i t t i n g in the d r i v e w a y w a s a s h i n y n e w C h e v y , a g r a d u a t i o n gift, he said, fr o m h i s family. W e a d m i r e d its brown, t w o - t o n e p a int and " n e w " sm e l l . A s he o f f - h a n d e d l y m e n t i o n e d its f e a t u r e s , I d e c i d e d that C a r l w a s e x t r e m e l y proud. Next,

we unpacked

H a r r y ' s car,

a nd

traipsed

through

C a r l ' s l i v i n g room, t o w a r d the b e d r o o m s . As w e s e t t l e d in, I n o t i c e d m o r e m o r e n e w b r o m e l i a d s and o r c h i d s u n d e r h i s p l a n t lights. There was a p i n e a p p l e p l ant that had b e e n f o r c e d to bloom, w i t h a tiny f r u i t on a stem. The television was turned to s o m e soap, a nd we b e g a n to u n w i n d and c a t c h up to i t s b a c k g r o u n d noise. W e d i s c u s s e d o u r lives, old a n d n e w f r i ends, a n d " d ' e m c h a n g e s . " A new lesbian girlfriend, Denise, sounded interesting. Carl

spoke

highly

Ca r l

decided

her.

to run e r r a n d s ,

before

it g o t

dark,

a f f e c t e d , d e t a c h e d way. As h e l o o k e d o u t the w i n d o w , 1 n o t i c e d h i s s h o r t b l a c k ha i r , h i s c o m f y -

a n d I r o d e w i t h him. We discussed Tim's recovery a nd l i m i t e d m o b i l i t y ; c h a n g e s a t St a t e ; t he w o m a n w h o m o v e d in t o h i s old place; and h o w we m i s s e d t h o s e i m p r o m p t u visi t s .

looking, m e d i u m buil d, b i g b r o w n ey e s , a n d s m o o t h , b u t t e r m i l k skin. He hadn't ever enjoyed being

B a c k at

fads,

camped

it up a n d

health conscious

quoted

v e r y mu c h ,

his opinions

and

was

in an

starting

spread.

and We shared news from Jackson. E d d i e s e e m e d a bit m i f f e d , a n d not e d , " C a r l h a s n ' t s e e m e d to w a n t to talk on the in t o u c h at

phone m u c h lately. I've t r i e d to k e e p least e v e r y o t h e r day, a n d h e just

t he a p a r t m e n t ,

we decided

to go o ut and

enjoy a little nightlife. W e d i s c u s s e d , and b e g a n the p r o d u c t i o n of g e t t i n g e v e r y b o d y s h o w e r e d , fed ready.

A s we f i n i s h e d our p r e p a r a r a t i o n , D e n i s e c a m e by to a s k C a r l out. to d i n n e r , to talk. B l o n d e and l o w ke y e d , s h e s e e m e d a lot l i k e him. C a r l sa i d okay,

a nd a s k e d us to t a k e h i s car. T h e y w o u l d m e e t us at t he bar, a n d s i n c e D e n i s e l i v e d on the o t h e r s i d e of town, C a r l w o u l d r i d e b a c k w i t h us. T h a t w a s f i n e w i t h e v e r y o n e . I v o l u n t e e r e d for H a r r y to chauffeur. He h a l f - s m i l e d at me, a n d f i n a l l y agreed. D e n i s e c h a t t e d b r i e f l y w i t h us, th e n they left. H a r r y got Du a n d N i t a s i t u a t e d in the s p a r e room,

an d

we departed

also.

A f t e r a r e l a t i v e l y sho r t , r o l l e r c o a s t e r ride, we a r r i v e d at the bar. H a r r y p a r k e d , a n d w e e n t e r e d , paid, got o u r h a n d s s t a m p e d , a n d w e n t on in. The p l a c e l o o k e d p l u s h , w i t h c o z y s i t t i n g g r o u p s in s u b d u e d s h a d e s of red, o r a n g e , a n d gray. It w a s s t i l l f a i r l y new, p o s h e r t h a n a n y t h i n g of its type I'd s e e n in t h a t c i t y b e f o r e . In the back, the m u s i c w a s s t i l l a t a f a i r l y l o w level, a n d d a n c e r s w e r e ju s t b e g i n n i n g to w a r m up on the f l o o r .

Carl and Derise were already o v e r to t h e i r table. We all

there, a n d w a v e d us s a t for a m i n u t e .

According

get

u n til

to C a r l ,

later,

around

it d i d n ' t

really

crowded

eleven,

Harry and I moved around the cr o w d . E v e r y n o w a n d

s e p a r a t e l y , c h e c k i n g out th e n w e " t o u c h e d ba s e "

w i t h e a c h o t h e r , a n d d i s c u s s e d o l d f a c e s w e ' d seen, w h a t the y w e r e d o i n g now. I saw Eddie dancing g i n g e r l y w i t h an o l d f r i e n d . and amused, as they talked.

They seemed relaxed O u r l i t t l e g r o u p t ook

turns d a n c i n g wit h eac h other. The

crowd

grew,

and

the a i r

slowly

got

thicker

and

noisier. A l m o s t e v e r y o n e w a s d r i n k i n g or s m o k i n g , or both. I n u r s e d o n e or two g l a s s e s of wine. H a r r y a n d T i m m o r e t h a n k e p t up.

and quickly s e e m e d very

b e g a n l a p p i n g up the v o m i t u s . It efficient. W h e n I p r o u d l y we n t i n s i d e

S u d d e n l y the m u s i c s t o p p e d , a n d t h e r e w a s an announcement. A local singer, fresh from a

a n d told Harry, he s e e m e d upset, a n d said, "Go get her. D o n ' t let her do t h a t ! " D i s a p p o i n t e d , I sa i d

s u c c e s s f u l r e m a k e of a b l u e s b a l l a d , w a s t h e r e w i t h her new d a n c e record. People crowded around, p i c t u r e s w e r e take n , a n d the s o n g p l a y e d w h i l e e v e r y o n e t r i e d to d a n c e . S o m e h o w , t h e r e w a s r o o m for a l l of us o n t h e d a n c e floor.

a ll right, w e n t o ut a n d f i n a l l y g o t her, a l t h o u g h s h e d i d n ' t to l e a v e at all. T h e n we c l e a n e d e v e r y t h i n g up, w e n t i n s i d e a nd s e t t l e d down. 1 h e a r d Carl t i p t o e in later.

We f inally d ecided that we wer e sweaty and relaxed a nd s l e e p y e n o u g h to leave. C i t y - b o y Carl wanted to s t a y a l i t t l e l o n g e r , a n d a r r a n g e d to be d r o p p e d o f f late r . W e s a i d ' " b y e " a n d left. O u t s i d e , as we w a l k e d to the car, the c o o l n i g h t a i r a n d s u d d e n s i l e n c e w e r e a relief. The

Impala

admirably.

took

the f r e e w a y ' s

T i m was quiet

s w o o p s and

in the

back

dips

seat.

T h e ne x t m o r n i n g , a f t e r w e told h i m a b o u t the trip home, C a r l w a s m o r e a n i m a t e d than I'd s e e n h i m all w e e k e n d . As he b e g a n to put b r e a k f a s t t o g e t h e r in the k i t c h e n , he k e p t w a l k i n g a r o u n d , m u t t e r i n g and s a y i n g , " W h a t ? He d id w h a t in my c a r ? " T i m came in, a n d sa i d that it w a s c o m p l e t e l y u n d e r s t a n d a b l e , a nd if C a r l had s p o k e n w i t h h i m for m o r e than f i f t e e n s e c o n d s w h e n he c a l led, he ' d ha v e k n o w n th a t he ' d h ad the flu or s o m e t h i n g , a nd a n y w a y , he felt all r i g h t now. C a r l ju s t k e p t sayi n g , " . . . i n

agr e e d that we'd enj o y e d o u r selves. a b o u t h o w g o o d I felt, a n d a s H a r r y

I thought said, " h o w n i c e

my n e w c a r . "

it w o u l d my man.

and

L ater, a f t e r e n j o y i n g b r e a k f a s t , we packed, said g o o d b y e s , p r o m i s e d to s t a y in touch, h u g g e d and left. C a r l s e e m e d a l i t t l e f razzled.

to k i s s a d o g ' s

belly",

sleep with

S u d d e n l y , I h e a r d a l o w g u r g l e f r o m the back. I t u r n e d a r o u n d a n d s a w T i m l e a n o v e r a n d p u k e on the v i n y l seat. H e s e e m e d a l l r i g h t for t h e m o m e n t , a n d s i n c e t h e r e w a s n ' t m u c h we c o u l d do, 1 r o l l e d d o w n the w i n d o w . H a r r y s e e m e d n o t to n o t i c e , then he said, " W h a t ' s t h a t s m ---- O h , " a n d d r o v e a l i t t l e faster.

T h e t r i p b a c k w a s s m o o t h and u n e v e n t f u l , a n d we m a d e g o o d time. A r r i v i n g ba c k in S t a r k v i l l e a l i t t l e b e f o r e noon, we s t o p p e d at T i m ' s p l a c e first. N o n p l u s s e d , a nd p e r h a p s a bit h u n g over, T i m t o t t e r e d r e g a l l y i n t o h i s k i t c h e n door, a s we s i g h e d a n d c a r r i e d in h is bags.

W e g o t b a c k to C a r l ' s , a n d H a r r y h e l p e d g e t T i m s i t u a t e d . All at once, I had an idea. I g o t Nita, t o o k h er o u t to t h e car, and s e t h e r on t h e b a c k

F i n a l l y back at H a r r y ' s , I u n p a c k e d and o p e n e d up the ho u s e . It w a s g o o d to be h o m e a g a i n . I decided that we all w o u l d r e m e m b e r o u r v i sit for a whi l e .

talk

about

our

w jb in S j l v s t

feelings a lot

you

and

I Yo u r

sprxn

that and c my t h

up in

I 'm j e a l o u s of your body

where

weighs

like si t t i need i

ck n something o o

need i and w r elea and t feelings and

the

s c r e a m d e l i g h t s the n i g h t and I hear it fr o m a h u n d r e d

emotion

be be

Yo u r

said released

Why

s o a k e d sheets, damp and cool

breathing shallow, torso twisted bro w n e y e s r e f l e c t i n g m o o n l i g h t pool a r e n ' t you h e r e to w h i s p e r to do

Fever flow

it a g a i n

sweat, arms, f i s t s c l e n c h e d j e r k i n g bo d y s p a s m s s u c k i n g a i r

talk Fear

flows and we

the s w e a t pleasured

miles away

to w a k e a nd half

around and finally

beat

see my h e a r t

in my c h e s t

around Half

beat,

to a s c r e a m a h u n d r e d

m i l e s away.

in a g o o d w a y an d my h e a d understands completely and r a t i o n a l l y but

heart

fills again to the p o i n t of o v e r f l o w i n g and the w e l l s p r i n g starts

L o v e r-

J^orris JV\tCoy

again

but , you

know

you're

So, Most From But and 1 Who j B ut '

what

always

always t h e r e to

talk

about those fears and long suppressed that

don't

always

you but and

you listen d o n 11 c l o s e

and and

we we

resolve grow

and

heart

emotions

mean

I still

off

presents

open

And I l i s t e n w o n d e r i n g and

vulnerable

"Your

a n d in my h e a d a small voice not often whispers to my h e a r t

heard

received

hair

is b l o n d a n d

yo u r

hands are

tan."

from

y o u 'r e l o v e d d o n ' t be a f r a i d to c r y d o n ' t be

g i v e n and

l onely for a s t o r y t e l l e r 3 0 0 m i l e s a w a y L o o k i n g li k e he just g ot up a n d sayi n g ,

open open open and again

listen

about boyfriends and t r i p s

open

'H m 3

r/5

afraid

rn r V n

Friendships multiply

joys,

a nd

divide

griefs,

love

don't to be

be a f r a i d loved

I I

love know

you you

love

you,

Proverb

.VV ,> c

do, too

3*. N V o A i -

,> V r r ** r

sV ,>

r^ r ^ r

C f -Âť> -*>V n

c^ r

SEX

WITH

A c o n v e r s a t i o n about sex and fr ie ndship, r e c o r d ed F e b r u a r y 2, 1986, at a m e e t i n g of the A t l a n t a Faer ie Circle. T a p e d by J e f f G l a u s e r . Tran scri be d by Ri c h a r d Robinson. Ed it ed by E l li ot t Mackle. W o r d p r o c e s s i n g by "J" Golsan.

FRIENDS Mi n e have be en like that. f r ie nd sh ip s and then we we nt c o n t i n u e d to be friendships. and

T h e r e w e r e long to b e d a n d t h e y

But h o w did you get into a long f r i e n d s h i p then s u dd en ly jump...? I do n' t t h i n k it w a s so s u d d e n .

O n e of t h e t h i n g s I t h o u g h t a b o u t w h e n w e set this to pi c is [that] w i t h f r ie nd s yo u sh ould be a b l e to b e h o n e s t , it s h o u l d b e e a s i e r to talk about w h a t your m e d i c a l and so ci al hi s t o r y has b e e n ov er the last fe w years, w h a t you e x p e c t , w h a t y o u w a n t to d o a n d w h a t y o u do n' t w a n t to do. W h e r e a s m e e t i n g s o m e o n e on th e s p u r - o f - t h e - b a r - m o m e n t it is h a r d to as k f o r a he al th c e r t i f i c a t e and go t h r o u g h w h a t the p o s s i b i l i t i e s m i g h t be.

All

But not playing b e c o m i n g lovers."

Lesbian

sex.

is I w a s c o n c e r n e d a b o u t w a n t i n g to m a i n t a i n t h i s as a f r i e n d s h i p a n d t h a t t h at 's w h a t w e were. I r e m e m b e r o n e t i m e d u r i n g t h e se x I f e l t f o r m y p a r t [that] it w a s g e t t i n g a b i t t o o (heavy breathing) (from group, "Intense?") and I sa i d , "I'm g o i n g to b a c k o f f f r o m t h i s b e c a u s e t h i s isn't t h e p l a c e I w a n t e d to b e r e l a t i n g to y o u ." My e x p e r e n c e w i t h [friends] has b e e n that the sex is us u a l l y real go od be c a u s e w e a l r e a d y kn o w each other and we kn ow a little bit about e a c h o t h e r a n d w e h a v e s o m e r e s p e c t for e a c h o t h e r so w e p a y a t t e n t i o n a n d w e c a r e for e a c h other.

But that ch a n g e s the friendship. Do you stay frie nd s if you, let's say, have a rela ti ve ly s h o r t - t e r m encounter, you w o ul d still tend to st ay f r ie nd s?

You know, a c o u n t e r p o i n t to all of t h i s — a f e w y e a r s a g o I w a s w o r k i n g at t h i s d e p a r t m e n t s t or e and th ere w a s this gu y that w a s a fr ie nd of mine. T h e l a d y he w a s l i v i n g w i t h at t h e t i m e w a s "out for me" p r e t t y o p e n l y . I k i n d of held off b e c a u s e I wa s w o r k i n g w i t h her b o y f r i e n d a n d t h i s a n d that. Then fi na ll y a few m o n t h s l a t e r he g o t f i r e d a n d I q u i t a n d t h e n t h e y b r o k e up a n d sh e c a l l e d m e u p o n e n i g h t a n d it w a s p r e t t y o b v i o u s w h a t s h e w a n t e d to do. I j u s t w e n t t h r o u g h w i t h it and, I'll b e d a m n e d , s h e is o n e of t h e t h r e e or f o u r or f i v e p e o p l e t h a t I c a n h o n e s t l y s a y is m y f r i e n d t o d a y . We w o u l d n e v e r h a v e b e e n t h a t c l o s e if w e h a dn 't h a d t h a t s e x u a l t h in g. It j u s t b r o u g h t us i n c r e d i b l y cl os e together. If w e hadn't sc rewed, t o d a y s h e w o u l d j u s t be s o m e f o r g o t t e n p e r s o n t h a t I t a l k e d to a f e w t i m e s , b u t as it t u r n s out w e are very, v e r y cl o s e to da y even after the w h o o p e e is over.

Yeah. R a n d y has gr ea t friends. He invi te s all of his old b o y f r i e n d s over for parties. I'm t r y i n g to t h i n k w h e r e t h e r e is a l o n g f r i e n d s h i p a n d t h e n I say, "Hey, w o u l d y o u l i k e to go to b e d ? " It h a s n ' t h a p p e n e d .

the o n l y

"Now we're d a t i n g and

Do y o u r e m e m b e r h a v i n g t r e p i d a t i o n s a b o u t do i n g this? Did you feel like you w e r e risking a n y t h i n g o r w e r e y o u f a i r l y s e c u r e about.... D i d it h a p p e n in s u c h a w a y [that] it w a s n ' t p e r c e i v e d like, "This is a risk"--that you m i gh t not lose this f r i e n d s h i p ?

One of [my] c y cl es that ke ep s r e cu rr in g is I'm n o t m e e t i n g a n y b o d y or h a v i n g a n y s e x u a l e x p e r i e n c e s so [I decide] I'm just go in g to give up on that. I' m g o i n g t o g o o u t a n d m a k e friends. So I go o u t a n d m a k e f r i e n d s a n d I find s o m e really neat friends and then those t u rn into se x u a l e n c o u n t e r s . T h a t t e n d s to be h o w the sexual e n c o u n t e r s that are m o s t f u l f i l ling occur.

T h e o n l y r e w a r d of v i r t u e is v i r t u e ; to h a v e a f r i e n d is to be one.

it,

N o w w e can't p u t t h a t in RED.

it d a m a g i n g

Y e a h , e s p e c i a l l y if o n e of t h e p e o p l e re al ly in te r e s t e d and the ot he r isn't.

into that...?

No, w e w e r e never da ti ng and never b e c o m i n g lovers. It w a s m o r e t h a t w e ' r e s h a r i n g t h i s e x p e r i e n c e w i t h e a c h other. It w a s n ' t r e a l (heavy br ea th in g) . It w a s n ' t o n e of t h e s e k i n d of t h i n g s . It w a s m o r e l i k e re al g e n t l e a n d s w e e t and caring.

Y e a h , I f e e l t h a t too. I c o u l d ask, " W i l l y o u r i d e m e f r o m h e r e to C h a m b l e e ? " a n d he w o u l d s a y y e s b u t if I ask, " W i l l y o u r i d e in m y l a p fo r f i f t e e n m i n u t e s ? " a n d he s a i d no, t h e n t h a t w o u l d p u t a c r i m p in t h e f r i e n d s h i p . Where s o m e b o d y m i g h t say, "No, t h e c a r d o e s n ' t ru n t o d a y a n d I do n' t w a n t to d o it," y o u w o u l d u n d e r s t a n d that. But if s o m e b o d y says, "No, no, I don't w a n t to go to b e d w i t h yo u , " it is a d i f f e r e n t kind of thing. about

h o w did you c o m e

It w a s m o r e l i k e it w a s an e x t e n s i o n o f ou r friendship. I t h i n k w e s a w it as b e i n g p a r t of our f r i e n d s h i p and a w a y that w e c o u l d sh a r e w i t h e a c h o t h e r a n d it w o u l d b e s o m e w h a t pleasurable.

W h a t I a m u s u a l l y a f r a i d of is t h a t I w i l l m e s s up the f r i e n d s h i p in s o m e t r e m e n d o u s , i r r e v e r s i b l e way.

Is n o t d o i n g s o m e t h i n g the friendship, too?

right,

way

Emerson, "Friendship"

You're changing the subject.

I can't t h i n k of a p e r s o n a s i d e f r o m a f e w p e o p l e I w o u l d re al ly call t r i c k s w h o I p i c k e d up in b a r s or w h o p i c k e d m e u p in b a r s w h o I h a v e h a d s e x w i t h w h o I don't f e e l m u c h c l o s e r be c a u s e of that and m u c h mo r e c o n c e r n e d about as a p e rs on and m u c h m o r e c o n n e c t e d to. this

Has a n y b o d y issue?

ever

lost

friendship

No, I'm b e n d i n g it. Is s e x w i t h f r i e n d s , fuckbuddies, s i t u a t i o n s — can that be s o m e t h i n g t h a t c a n be b u i l t o n in s o m e w a y l i k e j a c k - o f f clubs, li k e sa f e sex p a r t i e s ? Is t h a t a possibility?

over

C a n y o u i m a g i n e us b e i n g a j a c k - o f f c l u b ? (No,

Not having sex can get in the way. M y best f r i e n d g r o w i n g up a n d I b o t h t u r n e d o u t to be g a y b u t in h i g h s c h o o l w e d i d n ' t k n o w i t — a l though we were each sc re wi ng [our] o t h e r friends. A n y w a y , w e d i d n ' t ta lk , a n d l a t e r in o u r l a t e 20's w e t a l k e d a b o u t w h a t w e h a d b e e n d o i n g a n d I w a n t e d to go to b e d w i t h h i m a n d m a d e it v e r y p l a i n a n d s u g g e s t e d it a n d t h e o n l y w a y he c o u l d h a n d l e it, it t u r n e d out, w a s t h a t if I w o u l d t a k e t h e w h o l e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y , in other w o r d s rape him. I like nice, quiet, s w e e t sex. R a p e is j u s t n o t in m y v o c a b u l a r y . The o n l y w a y he w a s a b l e to d o it w a s e s e n t i a l l y to n o t d o it. He w o u l d v e r b a l i z e , "Oh, w e r e a l l y can't do this b e c a u s e we're friends," but he set it up t h r e e or f o u r t i m e s w h e r e if I had, w h a t ev e r , r i p p e d h i s c l o t h e s off, s l i p p e d it i n t o h i m w h i l e he w a s s l e e p i n g , a l l t h e s o r t of t h i n g s t h a t he'd....

OK, I can.

rape, you

I don't t h i n k t h a t - - I m e a n I h e a r y o u s a y ing t h a t ' s a p o s s i b i l i t y a n d I just.... You don't see that as a p o s s i b i l i t y ? It s e e m s t o o c o n t r i v e d - - u n l e s s t w o p e o p l e d e c i d e t h a t t h e y ' r e i n t i m a t e e n o u g h so t h a t ' s n a t u r a l l y d e v e l o p i n g a m o n g t h e m s e lv es . But to ha ve , [say,] to m e e t e v e r y T h u r s d a y n i g h t at 7:30?

He j u s t w a n t e d y o u to t a k e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y for the w h o l e th in g?

S o m e a c q u a i n t e n c e s of m i n e b e lo ng to a jack c l u b here and w e had t a lk ed about it o c c a s i o n a l ly a n d w h a t t h e y d i d w a s t h e y a r r a n g e d to m e e t at a b a r at a c e r t a i n t i m e a n d t h e n l o o s e l y s e e how the ener gy f l o w e d and de p e n d i n g upon that t h e g r o u p w a s c h o s e n for t h e e v e n i n g or j u s t v o l u n t e e r s w e r e t a k e n a n d t h e n it p r o g r e s s e d f r o m there.

No, he n e e d e d m o r e t h a n t h a t a n d I s i m p l y w a s n o t i n t e r e s t e d in b e i n g t h e m a n w i t h t h e w h i p and doing all that.

I'll m a k e

it better.

is w o n d e r f u l .

I can

T h a t c o u l d m a k e it j u s t l i k e g o i n g to a b a r and p i c k i n g up a trick.

He w a s a m u sc le ma n.

W a s that just b e c a u s e of your f r i e n d s h i p or wa s he into that w i t h e v e r y b o d y ?

Yeah, structure.

I d o n' t k n o w .

Well,

W h e r e is your f r i e n d s h i p n o w ?

it's

using

the

same

kind

it do es kind of m a k e sense.

M a y b e at 8 o'clock on S a t u r d a y you won't be horny.

Nowhere.

W e l l , if y o u s t a r t t h i n k i n g a b o u t it f r o m 5 o'clock on T h u r s d a y you m i g h t be horny.

B e ca us e of that? Uhuhm. Ther e are p r o b a b l y p e op le h e lp ed h i m out qu i t e nicely.

I'll t a k e t h e o t h e r side.

I'm t a l k i n g a b o u t s e x w i t h f r i e n d s r a t h e r th an sex w i t h m y hand.

know.

Elliott, the pict ur e see you in leather.

etc.)

I h a v e t h i s k i n d of w e i r d r e s i s t a n c e to c h an gi ng m y a p p r o a c h to sex that m u c h b e c a u s e of AIDS. I w o u l d rather just do fe w e r t h in gs r a t h er than deal w i t h m y friends. To say, "OK, on ly sex w i t h m y fr ie nd s now." Th at w o u l d re al ly be different.

Y o u m e a n r a p e as in r a v i s h or s e d u c e ? Ravish,

I do n' t k n o w ,

W i t h m e it w o u l d b e t h e o p p o s i t e . who

w o u l d have

W o r k e d h i m over w i t h a ba s e b a l l bat. that's wh a t turns h i m on; I don't know.

A group.

Maybe

j a c k - o f f c l u b n e e d s to b e a W h y do I think that so ea s i l y ?

Be c a u s e

it's going

to c h an ge

the

separate relation

ship.

I w a n t e d to g e t b a c k to, "Is t h e r e a r a m i fi c a t i o n here w i t h the A I D S thing?"

Pr ovocative. j a ck -o ff b u d d i e s ? what

Sh ou ld

I get fr i e n d l y w i t h m y

Well, that's the thing. You never know it's go in g to be w h e n you m e e t somebody. Th an k

goodness.

You co u l d like t h e m or something. N

I don't m i n d f r i e n d s h i p s f l o w i n g out of sex b u t I g e t r e a l s c a r e d w h e n I h a v e to r i s k m y f r i e n d s h i p s for sex. I've had s o m e q u a s i - s u p e r ficial f r i e n d s h i p s c o m e out of se xual e n c o u n t e r s but w h e n I do it the o t he r w a y a r o u n d — that one t i m e w h e n I a l m o s t l o s t a f r i e n d s h i p , I don't

a o to JO c

k n o w , it w a s s u c h a w a n t it to h a p p e n just b e in g f r i e n d s t h e p r o b l e m s in m y do w i t h sex.

It s o u n d s l i k e th e r e s o m e w h e r e .

p o w e r f u l t h i n g I j u s t do n ' t twice. I h a v e no p r o b l e m s w i t h people. I d o n' t h a v e head wi t h f r ie nd sh ip that I

and

to m e he c h a n g e d g e a r s

Oh, he d i d t h a t too. his philosophy.

He c h a n g e d h i s m i n d

I hear you ta ki ng a lot of responsibility.

Until you find out that they are a little bit d i f f e r e n t as f r ie nd s?

A n d I s a i d , "Oh, I'm so gl ad . I've b e e n w a i t i n g y e a r s for this. Are you sure?" He sa i d , "Sure." B u t he d i d n ' t m e n t i o n t h a t a l s o he w a s f a l l i n g in l o v e w i t h me. That probably w a s t h e b a r r i e r , n o t t h e f a c t that....

I've be en at fa erie gath er in gs , e s p e c i a l l y s o m e of t h e f i r s t o n e s t h a t w e h a d u p at R u n n i n g Water where there was a real--this was before A I D S a n d b e f o r e h e p a t i t i s - - t h e r e w a s a re a l strong fe el in g th er e that it wa s a l m o s t like we o w e d e a c h o t h e r s e x a n d if s o m e b o d y w a s h o r n y you sh ou ld s e r i o u s l y c o ns id er be in g sexual w i t h that p e r s o n b e c a u s e it w a s the f r i e n d l y th in g to do. T h a t w a s a l w a y s v e r y d i f f i c u l t fo r me. I d i d n ' t f e e l l i k e I c o u l d h a v e o b l i g a t o r y sex. W h a t k i n d of s e x is t h a t ?

W o u l d you have be en to t a l l y h o ne st ?

done

it a n y w a y

if he

had

I w o u l d p r o b a b l y have tried to talk m y s e l f i n t o it b e c a u s e I r e a l l y w a s a t t r a c t e d to h i m and my c u r i o s i t y w a s re al ly o v e r d e v e l o p e d . I w a n t e d to p u r s u e it. I have never had an e x p e r i e n c e of a l m o s t l o s i n g a f r i e n d b e f o r e . When we a l m o s t lost each other, that really bugg ed me. I s a id , " T h i s r e a l l y c a n h a p p e n . I've heard horror st or ie s w h e r e people lose their friends." A l t h o u g h y'all don't s e e m to h a v e them. I m u s t h a v e r e a d t h e m in a b o o k s o m e where.

It k e p t m e a w a y f r o m a lo t o f t h o s e . T h a t r e a l l y k e p t m e k i n d of t i g h t , a l m o s t defensive. I also r e m e m b e r Bob pr o p o s i n g a c i rc le jerk at on e of t h os e Ru n n i n g W a t e r g a t h erings. It w a s s o r t of h i m a n d F a y g e l a a n d n o bo dy w o u l d get into that ev en t h o u g h the g a t h e r ings w e r e f a i r l y - - t h e r e w a s a lot of s e xu al e n e r g y m o v i n g t h e r e , b u t it w a s l i k e t h a t k i n d of s t r u c t u r e just didn't [work].

Has a n yo ne ter be in g se xu al of n o t w a n t i n g that h a vi ng be en

This f r ie nd sh ip that I a l m o s t lost--I was in a r e l a t i o n s h i p at t h e t i m e a n d it w a s j u s t a f a c t t h a t I h a d a l w a y s b e e n a t t r a c t e d to t h i s p e r s o n w h o w a s a f r i e n d of b o t h of o u r s a n d I h a d s a i d e a r l y on, "Hey, I've a l w a y s b e e n a t t r a c t e d to you," a n d he l o o k e d so w e i r d a n d said, "Oh, good Lord, you're w i l l i n g to risk our f r i e n d s h i p for t h i s ? " I s a i d , " W e l l , OK. It's n o t g o i n g to b e f u n if w e a r e b o t h n o t i n t e r e s t ed." T h e n y e a r s l a t e r w e do t h i s and....

e v e r h a d t h e e x p e r i e n c e of, a f w i t h s o m e o n e w h o w a s a friend, to s e e t h a t p e r s o n a n y m o r e , of too much, I g u es s?

B e f o r e I c a m e o u t I h a d a lo t of e m o t i o n a l e n e r g y d e v o t e d to s t r a i g n t men. I w o u l d sit th er e and li sten to t h e m talk about their g i r l f r i e n d s an d b r e a k i n g up and the w h o l e n i ne yards. T h e reverse w a s never true, of course. I w e n t to b e d w i t h a s t r a i g h t f r i e n d of m i n e o n e t i m e , w h i c h w a s j u s t n o t a g o o d id ea but I had lusted after his thig hs since high school. W e w e n t to h i g h s c h o o l t o g e t h e r . He w a s o f t h e "Oh, c o m e le t y o u a d o r e m e " s c h o o l . He w o u l d t a k e h i s c l o t h e s o f f a n d s h o w h i s b i g d i c k and, y o u k n o w , it w a s d r i v i n g m e c r a z y . I lived w i t h h i m one s u m m e r and f i n a l l y one night we w e n t over to s o m e other friends' h o us e and h a d a c e l e b r a t i o n a b o u t h a v i n g a ba b y . W e ha d a l l t h i s p i n k c h a m p a g n e a n d he a n d I....

H o w w a s it? W e l l , it w a s w o n d e r f u l b u t I w a s n o t in love w i t h h i m and I neve r w a s and neve r w o u l d be b u t I t h i n k he s o r t of w a n t e d it to b e c o m e s o m e thin g more. T h a t m a y h a ve b e e n the p r o b l e m ; rather th an the sex itself, it m a y have b e e n our d i f f e r e n t m o t i v a ti on s. M a y b e t h a t ’s w h a t I ne ed to look at rather than w h e t h e r I'm s l e e p i n g w i t h s o m e b o d y or not. J u s t l i k e y o u say, t a l k a b o u t it b e f o r e h a n d a n d t r y to f i g u r e o u t w h e r e is this p e r s o n c o m i n g f r o m and w h a t do e s this p e r son need?

Were

drunk.

Right. He a n d t h i s w o m a n a n d I g o t r e a l drunk and w e d a n c e d na ke d t h r o u g h the ho us e and on a n d on. T h e r e w e r e s e v e r a l t h i n g s t h a t h a p p e n e d there. O n e w a s , it w a s j u s t a w f u l . I

lost one of m y f a vo ri te fantasies. sized h o w w o n d e r f u l it w o u l d be and horrible. The ot he r thing w a s that u n c o m f o r t a b l e w i t h e a c h o t h e r fo r years after that.

I had f a n t a it w a s just w e w e r e very a good many

If w e go to b e d w i t h e a c h a r e w e r e a l l y ri sking that b e c o m i n g m o r e than p r o v o c a t i v e ? Is that in vasive? For m e I think it d e p e n d s on people's re ac t i o n s a n d w h a t t h e y t h i n k s e x is. It ca n' t be t o o w o n d e r f u l or o n e of t h e m is g o i n g to.... W a n t to d o it o v e r a n d o v e r a n d o v e r a g a i n ? I’m serious. If it's not too w o n d e r f u l and it's no t t o o t e r r i b l e — I g u e s s it w o u l d n ' t h a v e to be e i t h e r . Y o u see, m y b a s i c q u e s t i o n of l i f e is, " W h y d o e s n ' t e v e r y b o d y do w h a t e v e r is the mo s t p l e a s u r a b l e th i n g ov er and over again?" F i n d o u t w h a t it is a n d do it o v e r a n d o v e r again. Because

it changes.

It a l w a y s t a k e s t w o p e o p l e a n d b o t h of their most p l e a s u r a b l e t h in gs are c h a n q i n q all the time. I t h i n k t h a t ' s it. It d o e s c h a n g e a l l t h e time. If y o u a r e l i k e m o s t of t h e p e o p l e in this g r o u p I c o ns id er m y s e l f as a l w a y s c h a n g ing. I hate st a y i n g the s a m e way. I w a n t to be g r o w i n g a n d f i n d i n g a n e w me. I think th e s e are in te r e s t i n g t i m e s w e are living in. You w e r e ta lk in g about AIDS. I just hope that p e o p l e are not d o in g anything, w h e t h e r it is w i t h strangers, fr i e n d s or their enemies, t h a t ' s n o t s a fe . I g u e s s I'm k i n d of n a i v e . I fe el so s t r o n g l y a b o u t th a t , t h a t p e o p l e ju s t h a v e to t a k e c a r e of t h e m s e l v e s . M y w a y of reducing st re ss and your w a y of redu ci ng st ress m a y b e t w o v e r y d i f f e r e n t k i n d s of t h i n g s , b u t we do k n o w t h e r e are c e r t a i n b e h a v i o r s that we ca n' t e n g a g e in.

U Don't

be d i s m a y e d at

good-byes.

A l t h o u g h I do t h i n k t h a t f r o m w h a t I h a v e b e e n h e a r i n g a n d r e a d i n g t h a t a lo t of p e o p l e are s t r u g g l i n g to re - d e f i n e a p a r t of t h e m s e l v e s t h a t t h e y h a v e f o u n d v e r y p l e a s u r a b l e in v e r y s p e c i f i c ways. I t h i n k t h a t ' s g o i n g to t a k e a lot o f t a l k s u c h as t h i s a n d a lo t of t r i a l s . ^ ,

Richard

Note: this inspiration came to a s m a l l g r o u p of us at our July fourth gathering. It works best when d e l i v e r e d w i t h c h o r a l e n t h u s i a s m and l o t s of props. S i n g i t t o t h e t u n e o f v‘l ' m L o o k i n g O v e r a F o u r L e a f Clover'! Feel f r e e to c h a n g e it or a d d v e r s e s . I'm s t r o k i n g over That I overlooked

a six-inch before.

prober

O n e i n c h is p u r p l e , the n e x t o n e is p l a i n . 1 h e i n c h e s a b o v e it w i l l c a u s e y o u n o p a i n . No n e e d d e n y i n g t hat T r o j a n - r i d i n g Is s a f e a s g a y s e x c a n be. We're celebrating Get into safe sex

A farewell

n e c e s s a r y b e f o r e you c a n m e e t aga i n . A nd m e e t i n g ag a i n , a f t e r m o m e n t s or l i f e t i m e s , is c e r t a i n for t h o s e w h o a r e f r i ends. V)

a faerie and see!

mating.

Bach

SPRING GATHERING RADICAL NEW YORK FAERIES

PINEBUSH, N.Y. APRIL 1 8 -2 1 , 1986

SHORT MT., TENN. APRIL 2 6 -M A Y 4, 1986 RITES OF SPRING P A N -IN TE R N A TIO N A L GATHERING

photo

essay by Big Stone

by Bru Dye brilliant orange ^lowers attract hordes whose reet puncture the stems

For Jody Kidwell this releases the sticky mi1 k

oc butterflies especially in the evening

by Thomas Hopkinson

nature must prize these blooms once the long tap roots have been broken A fa11ing gentle rain, I cut the plants with a sharp knife

touching me today.

(those I haven't eaten before)

"hat to do"5 "hat to say? gentle rain.

1 still remember how helpless I felt after blooming

You're so young and alive, just a boy locked inside. At fifteen, sit and cry, silent rain.

The evening setting skies, will never know that hurt inside. Steel doors, shelter away, +he silent, gentle rain. Through the hurt and the pain,

loss it i®®r

comes the driving desert rain. You want to reach, long to touch,

by Fred Smith

falling rain.

uy neighbor's teenage son is

Once a lazy summer day,

the owner of larne muscles.

saw you playing in the rain.

All summer long cuttinq °rass

Now locked inside, cannot hide,

or working in the yard he

the falling, gentle rain.

wears cutoffs and goes barefoot. You have no idea how much I worry he may get a foot caught in the power mower. be crippled for life.

And

Which would

keep him from getting away.

M Th« Cdpmsp

Lw®

by George Gott

by J. W. M. Murmurs o( the repife Krain, low throated rumMes *rom Keiow, blind stirrings in the hel*ry. neen need struggles slowly through the wet nesh network of flesh anH nerves, driven to imprint itself upon the means of its expression.

D ® ^ ® s a fl t h s

®? M y

Cum

by Antler

Rhythms of the animal brain, dreams washing over sleep, waves breaking on the shore, light coming and going, the face of the true god glimpsed then forgotten awakened to the face o' 'ear:

At the general swim the campers stood silent staring into the pool. "A turd!" I yel1ed . "Some camper laid a turd during last night’s swim! No one's going in til 1 that comes out. Who's going in to get it?"

He!1 can only be if at the core of ourselves we are only ourselves.

Sound of showers dripping. Blue jays in the white pines. The boys looked down and shivered.

I stand by a man on the corner Me says My wi'e is divorcing me ^he will get my 1ittle boy ^he will probably get my house and my car I say Are you a picker and a singer He says I'm no good at that either I say Can I buy you a beer You look at me and say Yes You say Since we cannot dance.

°utting my megaphone down T volunteered, chest out, poised from the l i f eg uar d chair. "Watch me!” Tnto turquoise T swanned beneath muted cheers, buboes trailing my cheeks as I swam toward the brown thing on the bottom. Then clutching the long rigid lump and rising I splashed all smiles into air and opening my mouth took a big chaw on the candy bar I threw there that morning.

M lp m C

M 1l?® ra9® by David Gerry

l t a

by Michael Hathaway i too am a brown-eye^ denim ghost i ^ance " beg *or notes from him he dictates dreams 8 haunts me yet he never '1ies too near me i love him knowing be might fade trapoed in his own vague unspokeness his love is only some words on paper he can't mention them out loud he panics 8 hides his smiles 8 pretty colors he mails it al 1 to me anonymously knowing i don't really exist knowing i could never prove he's real he says he will never dance with me i know he will never dance at all

Me find The X Don't Know Bar off Sunset Dou1evard. I order drinks. The young man at the bar says the drinks are on him. He askes if he can join us. We say yes. His name is Michael. He talks to my friend. His eyes dart back and forth quickly between us. I know he is interested. I am aloof, fly friend goes to the ladies' room. He asks if I am married, am I an actor. I say no to both. I am a writer and have been in the New York Times, I tell him. I drop this because here I must survive on the physical and by the looks of it we've both scored a hit. He asks me to dance and I do. On the dance floor he wants me to loosen up, to imitate his wide exaggerated movements. I do and this pleases him and he kisses me. He parades me back to our table--! am new blood for this local bar. At the table we kiss. He says it's okay for me to touch him. I touch the scar on his neck and he says not there. There is something he must tell me about it. ue says he knows -what I want and I say what. Another kiss he says. Vfe kiss and he bites my tongue gently as i' to stop my desire. Me says not tonight. T say I'm leaving for Mew York soon. qe wants me to pursue him. T back o " . Me exchange addresses and phone numbers. ue begs me to call before I leave. I tell him to take it. for what it is. ue 'oilows me to the men's room to ask if I am leaving. I say yes. He walks me to the car, kisses me goodbye. He tells me of the man on Hollywood "oulevard who came up to him and embraced him. ue pushed him away. The man followed him and it felt like a punch in the face. The blood spurted out to the beat of his heart. He realized his throat had been cut.

P a iD H u s a p by Philip Duffy

la y P s K s to by John Zalusky

Does a pilgrimage to the gilded altar Ever end?

I grew the sand for this beach In corners of rooms Where I could no longer be alone, Carried it short distances In the bottoms of my shoes, Emptied it with my lotions My towel, my book Under the hot eye of the sun, My pale skin turning the color of health Learning to walk in another man's arms In public, unashamed.

Put down your laden chests And follow me Walking slowly in a summer breeze Not willing but wanting A fine young face Smooth marble skin And ocean eyes

There is no resisting

Id l)M t

Only a magnet

by Randy Brieger

Envelope and bring me in tow

Clothed in soothing swaying scarlet Drawing me down To a silent sea.

my navel barks hangs pink-tongued from my belly bays for his moondoggie come out of the surf and play bury that bone in my yard we'll share our feed dishes 5 sniff each other dry

Farm AmÂŽ by Christopher Wiley golden

tanned men

1 ike ears of corn growing wild in fields.

by Michael Cadnum The elegant and wise choose silence, knowing that all written words fail as the sun cracks the asphalt across a land of farms. Perfection exists: the inward hush, the quick laugh, the caress. But what is committed to paper, finished and set aside on the oak desk beside the window, will turn from its promise, a branched thing, a breaking: the elegant in their quiet will say "this is not as good as that" in the afternoon that li*ts the corn by its hands.

II d

by Glenn Halak

1ean tall

In the swimming pool, the water-shadowed muscles Of their bellies dolphin past. I glimpse lips, Twisted rainbows in a country river. And beards Like black slippery rocks. Their navels are dark As trees shimmering with sun And their white arms in the pool are sparkle-needles Weaving the bunched pulses of their breasts Into my memory. They move so fast To go somewhere far away, these men. T would steal hem down beyond the blue mirror Where huge gold fishes and implacable eels Flash red mouths in green seaweed, Down into shadows of coral caves Where slowness is a langurous touch. But they slide past in the pool, goggled, Dnly their thick pectorals spotted with red-dark tits Open to the water. I know they have places to go, these men, Swimming so vigorously through the blue and white. I have seen the desolate chapels of their faces When they are forced to be still, And I understand they are hungry for far away. Still I wonder if they would be harmed If they could drown And awake scaled and iridescent, whirled in one another's arms, Floating through blue chasms, So they could come full-stop, Hands on moon-bright muscled shoulders. With nowhere to go but together, Amazed at what softness there is in the snake-hard flesh of mermen.

by Kevin Boyer

For Mark by D. G arrett

Because we curve against each other like the petals of a night blooming

Hesitantly, you speak of his breaking marriage bonds, I see your face and future: lines of confusion.

flower close at the whisper of dawn, and because these, our bodies, moist with dreams and anger connect like

I say 1ittle,wanting to ^e tender, true.

continents newly explored and because our lives at times are nothing more

My sheets are cold, memories as thin, flesh as much in need of hot pressing, so my wisdom is old and intentions not honorable, only lusty and loving.

than newsprint or dirty sheets or leftovers, because in the decay of twilight hands examine each other for traces of love like a tongue

Of him, of you, of me --of everyone I know: we ache as we move, our muscles torn and buring as we try to walk beyond ourselves.

the nerves inside a cavity, and because

by Steven Finch

stars shrink and paste like cutouts against the squared window leaving

II. Later, in your voice's spotlight, curtain of pleasure lifted, your hostilities are center-stage, gnawing through manners, blocking any other personality. Your ears closed to friendly noises, your mind listening to lustful crumbling of a house built inside a dream. I find your letter again, reading for glimpses of pain as if the jagged edge of my own was not enough to cut my eyes into seeing both sides.

The moon, men say, has lost its mystery since man has trod upon it.

nothing, save imagination, to fill the universe and because yours is the

Though not the first and perhaps not the last, I have been

only voice that comes, that leads me half-stumble and half-song safely

treading on your dark side for some time now, and I still find it

to shadows' end and because your back is warmer than the sun and your eyes

Kreath-taking. more than poetry I sleep with you and smile like the moon.

You wrote, How can I repay your thoughts and sincerTty as to my wel1-being? And t h e n ,

hurts

so damn much to empty the bucket when it is so stubbornly full. I ache as I move, muscles torn, my thoughts: empty sterling goblets, shimmering, undulled by wine, I gave the last, good water found, and if your tongue tasted something badly alive in it, I did not know; anyway, this was all I had. III. We ache as we move.

by Bill Gouge L m t

L w s

im ยง )

by John Landry After a half-life of green sunsets I glow in the shade of a dismantled siloe whose stores evaporated some time back I hold a bag of bees leg sacks fat with Eden dust and the sneeze of a gazelle from half-way 'round the world I swear by this magic and discard my lead-lined suit to lean on your warm body waiting for the last spin of the prayer wheel

1 should be sleeping, i should be sleeping but not alone, the moon through slatted blinds made stripes on my skin when we were sleeping naked and you were unnamed and blurred by my infatuationi should be sleeping i should be sleeping in the spot where i can always make it rhyme . with the music i am dancing to where we are so very beautiful on a passage to bounty, cactus blossoms on unanswered prayersbarren desert reptilian white hot mirage, you are water to the parchedi should be sleeping and here i am naked dreaming-

I f Y o u ’ re No t G o i n g To S t a y ; Will You P l e a s e L e a v e Your S h o r t s ? -- R a p h a e l

the entire operation of the library by virtue of my position but could also "handle" constructive suggestions and would leave the arrangement as he left it but strongly suggested that a better manner could have been found to share his knowledge with me. A very sly smile came to his lips and he had a sparkle in his eye as he responded, "OK, Ross!" I also smiled and got up from my desk and suggested we rearrange some other furniture that I had wanted moved.

S a b a t i n i

I hold your shorts to my nose and can barely smell you on them. My mind transports me. It's 1970. I'm back in Viet Nam; at Dong Hua.

I have been on the base for what seems like a very long time (three months). I have been assigned to operate a library designed to serve 5,000 of America's finest fight ing combat troops; hut now serves only fiO field artiliary advisors to the Greek Division who are presently occupy ing the base. The powers that be still hadn't realized that the majority of American troops had left and continued to dutifully assign a GT to the librarian to help serve the troops.

We spent the rest of the day moving furniture and by five PM I had stripped my soaking shirt off and had completely drenched my trousers and shorts. Tony's skimpy cutoffs were also soaking and when he closed and locked the door he proceeded to strip out of them right there in the library. I could feel my penis harden as I looked at him. He noticed my interest and suggested I strip and shower before I returned to my quarters. I merely nodded and followed his beautiful ass back to his bunk. I leaned against his bed to undo my shoelaces and stripped off my pants and socks. I was embarrassed by my lack of endowment and my spare tire and faced away from his as I stripped off my boxer shorts. He nonchalantly mentioned that he must have pulled a muscle while we were moving the furniture and that a massage would feel wonderful. My Chance. I offered to give him the best massage of his life and modestly wrapped a towel around my waist and told him to lie face-down on the bed. He smiled that mischevious smile again and brushed my very erect penis as he turned around in the very cramped quarters to get on his bed.

The last G1 left a month ago (an unpleasant little guy who didn t. want to do anything but go home.) I was required to operate the small library solo, no difficult feat considering the average daily attendance was somewhere between 10 and 15 patrons. Still--it was lonely and the prospect of a new subordinate was appealing.

As I straddled Tony and began to massage his back, I began to feel fearsome of what was happening. I was the professional librarian in charge of this facility and here I was sitting astride the newly assigned GI's back with only a towel around my ample middle. What would my bosses think--let alone do to me if caught? My career would be ruined by such a scandal. But Tony's moans of pleasure everytime I pushed here and there were effect ively drowning out my inner voice of apprehension.

The new GI walked into the library, handed me his orders and asked where he was to bunk. I showed him to the corner in the library's back room where the resident GI was billeted and where the shower was located and returned to the 1ibrary desk. He was 5 feet 11 inches tall (exactly my height) and weighed 180 pounds. His orders also revealed that his name was Antonio Pesce, "Tony" for short. He was from an Italian family (I could have guessed it from his strong square jaw and jet balck hair and eyes). I wondered what he looked like under those baggy fatigues.

Tony reached around and fondled my penis and then rolled over and pulled me into his arms. We made long slow love to each other and lay there on the small bunk hugging and kissing until it was well past time for me to get back to my quarters.

T could hear him makinq homemaking noises in the back room. Toon I heard the shower and I couldn't help hoping that we might be compatable. I couldn't handle another homophobic employee.

I hated to bright and cutoffs at He shot me

He walked out to the door separating the back room from the library proper and had donned a pair of the skimpiest cutoffs I had ever seen.

say goodby but we did. I told him I'd see him early the next morning and that he could wear work--rather than those unattractive fatigues. that mischevious grin and said, "OK, Boss!"

I walked back to my quarters, stripped, showered and lay alone on my bunk unable to get to sleep or think of any thing other than Tony. I felt his strong arms holding me and that felt marvelous. The next morning I appeared at the library and Tony already had the coffee prepared and had started performing some routine library procedures that are required daily. That evening we made love again and thus commenced a loving relationship that would make Zeffirelli's Romeo and Juliet pale. I was able to main tain my professional demeanor during duty hours but would spend long evenings and nights with Tony in his cramped quarters rarely bothering to go back to my own quarters.

He stood posing in the doorway. I could feel my face flush red and had trouble diverting my eyes from this beautiful man. He was hairy but not like a bear. His chest hair circled his nipples and dove down into his skin tight shorts. From a front view I was sure he had a tight well shaped ass and I was not disappointed when all of a sudden he entered the library and began studying the room. If he was aware of my blatent interest in his body he made no mention of it as he began to rearrange the tables and chairs. I had spent hours and hours arranging and rearranging the furniture so all chairs faced the rear of the library where I sat at my desk. As I gaped at Tony, he was arranging the chairs so they faced the entrance to the library.

When I wasn’t with Tony (when he had to perform Army duties), that inner voice of apprehension would return. What the hell was I doing? My military boss, with whom I was billeted, mentioned that he had noticed my absence rom quarters and slapped my back and asked if I'd gotten myself a Vietnamese girlfriend. My library system boss noticed that some routines (things that should have been lone) were left undone and casually suggested I pay more attention to details. But my other voice, the one that had always longed for a happily everlasting love affair, was most pleased with finding all I ever wanted in Tony. He was strong. ue was dominant in lovemaking and still romantic. What could be wrong with what we were doing? My voice of apprehension knew and I vowed to be more discrete in the future.

When I was able to get enough saliva in my mouth, I told him to stop almost at the same time he had rearranged the last of the tables and chairs. I was aghast and ORDFRFD him to stop. He replied, "This is a war zone and NO ON^ is foolish enough to sit with their back to the door." I explained in my most professional manner (having acquired my Masters’ Degree in Library Science a scant two months before arriving in Viet Nam) that I directed

But, several months after Tony arrived, I pushed my luck and was able to get special permission to close the library and take my GI to the beach in beautiful Vung Tau. I planned and replanned the trip. All must go perfectly. I packed plenty of suntan lotions (the sun can be brutal on the South China Sea). Towels were packed even though the hotel would have plenty. I made a special trip to Saigon to get some very skimpy G-String swim suits (imported from Paris, 'don't you know') for Tony and some sensible trunks for me. THE Friday morning finally arrived and Tony got the jeep, picked me and my endless baggage up at my quarters and off we went. We arrived at the hotel in Vung Tau and proceeded to our room which had floor to ceiling French doors that led to a balcony overlooking the beach and the South China Sea. I was so very much in love. I stood looking out to sea and Tony walked up behind me, put his head on my shoulder and mischeviously whispered, "Let's fuck!" We went back inside, locked the door and spent a sensual two hours.

less of love, his tour would end. I refused to even consider that fact; until his orders arrived that permitted/ordered him to the replacement detachment to return to the "World". It couldn't happen. But it was. Our lovemaking became frenzied. I risked closing the library at unusual hours just to be close to him. Nothing worked. He wanted to go home and I couldn't blame him; but "God what was I going to DO?" Tony got the jeep he was able to get on occasion assigned to me and I insisted on driving him to the replacement base. I didn't want to cry but tears welled up in my eyes all the way. Tony held my hand (when I didn't have to shift) and kept repeating that we would get back toÂ gether in the "World" as soon as my tour was over. I nodded affirmation--knowing that such a possibility was not realistic. I felt my heart virtually breaking. Driving with tears in my eyes was dangerous and, true to form, Tony told me to stop and let him drive. I was in no condition to argue and quickly stopped and moved over to the passenger side. We got to the base. He showed the appropriate officials his orders, was issued a boarding pass on the "freedom bird" and came back outside to the jeep to sit with me until he had to get on the plane.

I was the first out of bed and showered while Tony lay there sprawled out like a model in the skin magazines. I pulled on my sensible trunks and threw a G-String to Tony and took out for the beach. He followed and caught up with me on the steps leading to the water. He grabbed my hand and I could tell he was feeling the special ness of this adventure. Back at the base, he refused to display any physical closeness in public. Here, he obviously felt free to express whatever he wanted.

There wasn't anything to say. We just looked at each other (and held hands when no one was near). Tears rolled down my cheeks.

We found a quiet unoccupied area and spread out the blanket the hotel had been so good to provide. Tony applied oil to my back and pulled my sensible trunks down to daring levels. He would stretch out, have me oil him and all of a sudden would jump up for a spontaneous run up the beacha vision to behold in his skimpy shorts. Soon I felt the effects of the sun and we returned to the room for a shower and a nap prior to the evening meal. We got little sleep but appeared in the dining room and were led to a table.

He asked if there was anything I wanted, or needed. I said no but reconsidered and asked him, "If you're not going to stay, will you please leave me your shorts?" He looked most perplexed but quickly regained his savoir-faire. He said sure and that he'd be right back. He went inside the building and more quickly than I could imagine was back in the jeep. He reached into his trousers and pulled out a pair of the French bikinis I had given him in Vung Tau. He said he was going to wear them home but would rather leave them with me. His flight was called. I said "Goodby." He walked into the terminal.

The evening meal taxed my sorry French but we were stuffed when we moved from the dining room to the club. A small combo was playing old French mood songs and I was able to request a few songs that they knew. Tony and I danced often and the other couples seemed not to care or were indifferent to two men dancing together.

I have never seen or heard from him again but I still have his shorts.

We departed the club as it was closing and retired to our room. We stripped for bed and fell asleep in each other's arms. Saturday was a repeat of Friday and Tony and I were inseparable. I got too much sun and Tony basted my red skin with some of the cool lotions I had brought. Finally I was able to sleep. Sunday morning brunch found me feeling much better so Tony went out to the beach while I watched him from our balcony. His energy continually astonished me. He met a young Vietnamese boy on the beach and they had a marvelous time in the surf. He finally played out and returned to the room to shower and prepare for the return trip to the base. 1 very sadly packed our bags and Tony drove us back to the base. He dropped me off at my quarters. He helped me unload the jeep but, try as I might, he wouldn't stay with me-1 was in officers' quarters and he never felt entirely comfortable there. Days merged into months and I fell ever more hopelessly in love. So much so that 1 didn't realize that regardÂ

photo by Dick Kent

b y

R i c h a r d T h o m a s E d

w a r d s

11 you dre llke most People, you are thirsty for a new way to go out adventuring. If this is you, don't feel alone, but do consider these important facts.

up until you think you are ready for the water. This training program will also give you time to take swimming and drownproofing lessons as well as a course in canoeing from your local chapter of the American Red Cross.

The earth is covered by water: two-thirds, as you know. ' ere are no traffic lights on the various waterways Prime camping locations can be found along streams, creeks quietS * riV6rS an<1 lakes- Canoe camping is peaceful and So, with all o. this in mind, why not give canoe camping a try. <ure. New Mexico isn't exactly the best spot in t e world to go canoe camping. But consider just another way you can use canoe campinn as a form o^ lodginq and transportation. You can use canoe camping in rurope. rspecially in Ger many You see, in Germany most of the camping locations can be found along the Main, Rhine, and nanube Rivers, urther, you can take it from this canoe-camping nut, that from the water perspective, those castles and scenic spots along the way get mighty picturesque.

When you have made your decisions on these, it is time to start considering your canoe: it's size, and the equipment necessary to get you through a canoe camping experience. The entire composite of canoe camping gear can be rented should you not have the gear. You may want to give canoe camping a try and decide whether you like it or not before you sink $5nq to *1,^00 into the adventure. Rental gear can be acquired through your local outdoors rental stores. The prices range, but generally you will find a weekend rental will run around $60 to $100. Quite obviously, that price is about ten percent of the going equipment costs. Now, back to the canoe and the equipment needed. First choice: a new or a used canoe. A single person will need around a 13-foot canoe. It can be 11, 12, 14 or 15 feet. I just picked 13; it's my lucky number. And it is enough canoe to handle the gear you'll have to bring along.

Vhen you add all this up, include the facts that food and -.ransportation to Europe are the only costs which stop you from going, and you've got a pretty good reason to get excited about a canoe camping trip.

In any event, this length canoe goes from $300 to $600 brand new. You should also include an extra paddle and all of the necessary safety gear. This includes a life jacket and head protection.

Tkay, so what is canoe camping? Quite obviously, it is the combination of camping gear and a canoe. But what is not so obvious is the fact that you’re getting involved with a water sport. One that's going to get you wet, one that is going to place emphasis on fitness and swimming skills to the maximum potential, and one that's goinq to have you going up against the elements all at the same time.

Used canoes can go for as little as $Q0 and move on up to half the original price o* the new canoe. The thing that you have to watch out for with an aluminum canoe is warpage. Aluminum canoes left out in the sun have a tendency to do this if not used. You can spot a warped hull by turning the canoe upright and eyeing head on from bow to stern--front to back. If the bow looks like it has a twist to the left or right, the canoe is warped, dalk away. A warped hull will not hold a true course in the water. No matter how hard you try and keep the canoe on a true course, it won't hold it. Further, it gets worse when the canoe goes against the current.

rt. is therefore essential that you do some planning prior to mafcin- a canoe camping trip. While Mew Mexico may not have a backyard river or creek which you can use to physi cs ly prepare for the experience, there are other ways you can prepare your physical heinq prior to launching in the water.

It is time to cover camping gear. If you are going to take canoe camping as seriously as your life, buy the best you can buy. That means your selection will be made using ultralight camping gear instead of convention al camping gear. Why? What’s the difference? Thought you'd never ask. You see, it is like this, your life will depend upon the survival efficency of the gear which you bring along. And all those fancy words mean that, since your gear might just get wet, you are going to want equipment that doesn't get wet. Qr, if it does, that will dry out quickly. That's what high-tech materials offer the canoe camper in the form of ultra light gear.

or sure the °io Grande, necos, and the Canadian Divers =tre exciting places to go canoe camping, but they aren’t exactly cor the unprepared. ract iS , if I had my options, d go ^or the Canadian River and the assortment of lakes available there, where I would first start, however, is inside a local health spa or gym. Why? Because you can build endurance and strength here first before paddling ■n the water. Mere, you can use the rowing machine, weiqht machines and other equipment that will build you up - man or woman - for the canoe camping experience. Further, you can start your preparation any time of the year and work

used to tie the box down to the canoe.

Using Gore-Tex as a membrane laminated to nylon weighing a mere 1.2 ounces per square yard, this ultralight stu*f is made up of microscopic holes small enough to allow body vapors hut not rain water to seep through. So when the gear does get wet, you can wipe it o ff and it becomes just as good as new. That's the nice thing about ultra light camping gear. What isn't so nice is the price. The cost for this gear is from $300 to $6nQ for the whole layout. But when your life is at stake, the cost of gear becomes relative to how you value your life.

If you are bringing along camera gear, once again, you will find that the surplus store has watertight ammo cans. A large one can hold your camera gear. A small one, using zip lock bags, can be used for the film. You can also use a small one for your first-aid kit. While each area is different, generally speaking, your first-aid kit should include bug spray, sunscreen or tanning lotion, and an assortment of first-aid supplies including burn ointments, aspirin, and alka seltzer. While the earth is two-thirds water, much of it isn't drinkable. Rest to bring along plenty of water for your trip. About a gallon per day will do nicely.

In any event, the basic layout includes: a tent, sleep ing bag, air matress or Swiss roll, cooking equipment, a healthy supply of food, and whatever else you want to bring along with you. If you are using either convention al camping gear or the ultralight stuff, you want to protect it and have it stay with you should you capsize. You don't want it to sink, and you certainly don't want it to float away. The best way to do this is by either buying an Army/Navy waterproof surplus bag, or bring along plenty of trash bags. Regardless of which one used, tie the end to a rope and tie the rope to your canoe. If you are using plastic trash bags, it is best to use three, tied top to bottom with the third one tied to your canoe by rope.

ranoe camping can be a lot of fun, but that fun is best achieved when the planning includes leaving behind a map and an itinerary. This will help you two ways: You can pace your trip, and it is a way for people to follow your route in case you get into trouble. Further, using a call in system, they will know you are safe every day. A small transceiver and a radio that picks up weather channels can be combined to keep you in touch with the world. All of this makes up what you need and what you'll have to bring along with you to make canoe camping work for you. Everything that has been covered will make you safe and keep your gear secure. The next step is to put it all together and give canoe camping a try.

As for food, the best way to secure it is to put it into one of those surplus long-and-deep rocket boxes. Using a set of ropes after the supplies are placed inside, the rope handles or the ends where the box is enforced can be

(Hr.

Dutton by

ch oe

Siproth

(Pi refl y)

addresses. I wrote to him a few times; he my letters. He simply invited me to visit I was excited. Being a small-town hick, I to the city outside of the guardianship of and then never for an overnight.

When I was fifteen, I took my first real summer job. Oh, I had mowed lawns for years, as well as raked yards and shoveled sidewalks; but this was real "work." I was a kitchen helper, lugging heavy crates of milk from the cooler into the dining room, up to my shoulders in hot, soapy water scrubbing pots nearly as big as I. Hard work for a slim boy with a waist so small I could circle it with my hands. Several of my co-workers were fellow school mates, but they had bunkrooms on the top floor of the hotel where we labored. Since I lived in town, I had to go home every night. Oh, but how I wanted to stay over with these chums. Some were goodlooking guys and friendly; others not so. They talked of girls, fucking girls, not very interesting to me. Once I was going to stay over, but several of the guys got so nasty, I decided not to. They were openly belittling and hostile. Were they frightened by my quiet, attentive, shy ways? Then Mr. Button came to one of the music workshops held at the hotel. He was frail and gentle, I carried his bags to his room, right past the church where I worshiped every Sunday morning. He was a generous tipper, too. I was a good boy, saving my money for college, to make something out of my 1ife. Mr. Button invited me out to the soda shop one afternoon and bought me an ice cream soda. What a treat! We talked about music and growing-up in a small town; he just 1iked to listen to me. Such a rarity to have an older man pay attention to me. I helped carry Mr. Button's suitcase to the bus. I felt a certain sadness at his leaving, but we exchanged

always returned him in the city. had never been my parents,

My Aunt asked if he had ever been "funny" with me? Did he touch me anywhere? My parents said I could not go. What was all the fuss about? I knew, I didn't think they knew I knew. I was hurt. Sorry, Mr. Button, but thank you anyway. Thank you anyway. One time my letter was returned to me with a short note saying Mr. Button had died. I felt the loss, my first loss of a gay brother. Rest well, Mr. Button, and thanks.

Mother to the Chinese is a woman £ with breasts pictured first as a and finally as the character for mother.

Women:

(MOTOER)

To Need or to Love? bx

R o b e r t

B u r n s

Paul

(L£AEATTACHMENT)

When -i (leaf or attachment) is combined with (mother) the symbol for poison is formed.

R e p s

“To change the world we don’t need an anti-war movement. We need less self-centered mothering.”

As a response to Tarrytown's issue "The New America" (April 1985), wherein futurist William Irwin Thompson predicted that a new consciousness would emerge from a Chinese culture, noted Orientalist Paul Reps (Zen Flesh, Zen Bones) and family therapist Robert Burns say that Chinese ideograms can provide us with our most important psychological insights. Here, they explore the Chinese symbols for "Woman" and for "Child" and show how this primary bond sets the stage for all relationships. Reps and Burns believe that only a fundamental change in mothering can save the earth from violence and destruction and create a new global family. Their thesis: women who are too attached to their own children— and who "mother” out of their own emotional needs--poison the environment. They raise world leaders who are self-centered and acquisitive and who manipulate entire nations out of their own psychological wants and deficiencies. A n ideogram seen on poison bottles throughout the Orient E qu ivalen t to " ourr sk u ll & crossbones.

There is a revolution sweeping our earth. This revolution has to do with the family and women's changing role within the family. Women intuitively know that their role as mother must change for the earth to be healed. They intuit that mothering men and older family members poisons families and thus the earth. The destructive force of mother attachment has been known and depicted in ideograms throughout the Orient for millennia.

Women are rebelling against their stereotyped role as eternal mothers with breasts nourishing the "needy. They strive to be seen not only as (mother) but as individuals embodying goodness and tenderness.

In The Gutenberg Galaxy, McLuhan emphasizes that printed word in the West tends to be linear and fragmented. In contrast, Oriental ideograms are holistic and visual. As we shall see, ideograms are more than isolated, individual words: they are symbols portraying condensed wisdom.

►OVIXIALS

ombcxlytig

goodness. tenderness

In Chinese and Japanese ideograms, love is viewed as a tender relationship between woman and child--not mother and child.

(love. aoa*ess)

There are three times in our lives that we "need" to be mothered. 1.

In infancy when the f (child) needs food, shelter and caring in its helpless state.

In senility when the A (person) has a second 3. (childhood) and is in a needy condition.

In illness when a hel pi ess.

turns into a

-f

and becomes

In between these states of helplessness, people do not need to be suckled or mothered. If A (individuals, standing on their own two feet) insist on being "taken care of" as if they were helpless -£ (children) a poisoning occurs.

A POtSON (to) LOVE

The ideogram for man is made with two characters.

A strong hand bearing down on things is the symbol for power. First written as it was squared to become t j (power). The Chinese added ft (power) to a rice paddy flp made the character for man.

and

The healing of our earth and its people may come when families produce loved children (MAN)

A man who insists on being "taken care of" by women is an eternal child . This man must prove to .he world that he is a man. To hide the fearful child in him he may bluster, strut in uniforms, wear medals, seek power, threaten to kill to prove his outward manliness. Recause of child politicians, child soldiers, and child ish leaders, the earth is poisoned by childishness.

(LOVED)

Eternally attached children seem unable to develope the maturity or wisdom to live tranquil and fulfilled lives.

tC H LD RB fi

capable of growing into women and men,

The price paid by humanity for childishness includes: 1 . Wars--settling arguments through childish power struggles. 2 . Starvation--childish squabbles wiuh the inability to find mature ways of distributing the bounty of the earth. 3. Worship of parental figures (dictators) or totalitar ian (big brother) political systems. 4. Childlike acceptance of dogma or "the word." 5. The pursuit of childlike hedonism as a way of life. 6 . Childlike squabbling and jealousies of many power driven, immature politicians elected by immature people.

(WOMAN)

(MAN)

treating and loving each other and all humans as individ uals, persons unique, special and whole.

Women are beginning to understand intuitively, or natur ally, that healing of our troubled earth and its people can come through a woman's movement. Solutions to healing the earth may not come from: * Nuclear Disarmament * Cleaning up the poisons in the earth, water, and air * Strengthening the UN * Peace through Power * Saving Whales * Pacifistic Movements heroic thought these efforts may be. The solution may come when the family stops producing poisoners. When family structure moves from poison to love.

(tO V W JA L PERSW N-LH O U E. SPECM L ft W HOLE

SPIRITUAL NOTES FROM ALL OVER

by Gerry Kamp A PUBLICATION OF INTEREST: A quarterly magaz ine called Words °f life, has come to our attention. The editors, two Lesbian women come from a combination of traditional and fundamental Christian backgrounds.

^ the triennial convention of the Episcopal Church in the United States held in Anaheim California back in September the following RESOLUTION was passed by both the General Convention AND the House of 8ishops without a single dissenting vote:

/he journal is published in large block type and is very readable.

RESOLVED, the House of Bishops concurring, That this 68th jeneral Convention of the Episcopal Church recognizes with love and compassion the tragic human suffering and loss of life involved in the AIDS epidemic; and be it further

For more information: Woman Prints Ent., 11« West Sparks St., Galena, KA 66739.

RESOLVED, that it repudiates any and all indiscriminate statements which condemn or reject the victims of AIDS, and be it further RESOLVED, that the Executive Council is charged with: 1) The development of special prayers for people affected by the AIDS crisis; 2) The development and funding of programs of awareness, education and prevention, concerning AIDS; 3) The identification and funding of programs for ministry to all persons affected by AIDS; 4) The implementation of these programs beginning no later than March 1986 by appropriate program units of the dioceses, parishes, and missions of this Church; and be it further RESOLVED, that the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church is requested to establish and lead a National Day of grayer and Healing with special intentions for the AIDS Crisis, and to communicate the concerns presented in this resolution to the President of the United States urging long-term, substantial federal funding for research. ror more information, write: The Parsonage, 555A Castro St. San Erancisco, CA 94114. Editor's followup: As of the end of May '86, most of the provisions of the resolution reprinted above have been successfully completed. rhe above contrasts with the following official pronouncement of: ROSES publication of Bayside, "The Lourdes of /America", Our Lady of the Roses, Mary Help of Mothers Shrine, Box 52, Bayside, NY 11361-0052: Message of Our Lady and Our Lord to Veronica Lueken: 21 August 85, Eve of the Feast of the Immaculate Heart of Mary: "I shall not allow a cure.,.AIDS--plague from God...Little did the world recognize the three plagues which originated from the mind of the Eternal Father. These plagues were called The Legionaires' Disease, Herpes, and AIDS___ These diseases that came upon mankind originated through the merciful heart of the Eternal Father. Sufferings were brought upon those who must cleanse their souls to avoid hell

Steps Toward Inner Peace, is a the Peace Pilgrim. It contains beliefs of an incredible woman the United States that covered miles.

short monograph written by some of the thoughts and who began a treck through on foot, more than 25,000

For more information, write: Friends of the Peace Pilgrim, 43480 Cedar Ave., Hemet, CA 92344.

Received a copy of Winter issue #5 of FAERIE FIRE, A Journal for the Ancient Pagan Warrior Tradition as Revol utionary Activism. The issue was interesting and appeals to those faeries of more radical political bent. For more information write: Faerie Fire, c/o Paqansword, Apt. 432-Dept. R, 263 A West 19th St., New York, NY 10011.

The Brethren/Mennonite Council for Gay Concerns (BMC) was founded in October 1976 to provide support for Brethren and Mennonite gay people, and for their spouses, parents and relatives — It fosters dialogue between gay and nongay people in the churches; and provides accurate information about homosexuality from the social sciences, biblical studies and theology. For more information, write: B.M.C. Box 24060, Washington, DC 20024. They state that the mail ing list is confidential, and all requests for anonymity will be respected.

HAVE YOU PLAYED THE FALWELL GAME?? Apparantly players of the Falwell Game have been victorious in obtaining their goal. The game was played by calling the 800 number for Jerry Falwell's Liberty Baptist Church, and then either hanging up or asking for various publications for infor mation. The goal was to saturate the 50 lines with so many hang-ups or other calls that the expenses would soon out strip the donations raised and force closure of the 800 line. I called the listed number and received the following recording: "I'm sorry the 800 number you have dialed has been disconnected. There is no further information about this number. Thank you."

by B e f o r e The B e g i n i n g Dur i ng The B e g i n i n g The Lord God became bored with resting on the seventh day of creation. He had formed the heavens and the earth, and now was toying distractedly with some dust for the newlymade earth. And lo!, in his hand there did form two living souls from the mere contact of dust in his hand.

S.J.

Hamilton

selves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the fruit stands of the garden. And the Lord God called unto Adam, and said unto him: "Where art thou?". Whereupon Yves brought out the fig-leaf aprons and laid them at God's feet, saying: "I see Thou art not naked, but Thou couldest surely use a fine new apron.". And God said: "Who taught thee commerce? Hast thou eaten of the fruit stand whereof I com manded thee that thou shouldest not eat?". Yves said: "The neighbor whom Thou gavest to be with us did encourage us to eat, and we did eat.".

The Lord had never made men before, but he now had two men to name and decide what to do with. He thought a long time and then named them Adam and Yves. And he put the men into the garden of Eden to keep books for, and tend its picnics and fruit stands. Then the Lord comanded the men, saying "Of every fruit stand of the garden, ye may freely eat; but of the fruit stand of the knowledge of commerce and embezzlement, ye shall not eat of it: for in the day that ye eat thereof, your profits shall surely plummet".

And the Lord God said unto the hairdresser, "Because thou hast done this, thou art cursed above the lowliest beau tician in the business; an eternity of outmoded hairstyles shalt thou do, and hairspray shalt thou eat all the days of thy 1ife."

And the Lord God said, "It is not good that men should be alone; I will have neighbors made for them". The Lord spoke to his fellow gods and showed them what he had done. He said unto them: "Would it not be good to have neigh bors for my little men?". And they agreed and soon there were many gardens with many little men. And all were naked, and were not ashamed.

And He closed all the fruit stands in Fden thinking this would multiply their sorrows, but their profits did in stead multiply because every little man in every garden wanted an original Yves apron, and the gods of the other gardens laughed with and enjoyed their little men, and felt sorry for the Lord God's men. Yves profits increased and multiplied, but yea, so also did Adam's embezzling, until one day they had words, and Yves moved his business to the hairdresser's garden and Adam went in debt, back to tending the fruit stands in the garden of Eden.

One of the new neighbors was a wiley hairdresser named Misty. One day Misty harkened over the hedge to Yves, say ing unto him: "Yea, hath not God said, Ye shall eat of every fruit stand of the garden? And Yves said unto the hairdresser: "We may eat of the picnics and fruit stands in the garden, but of the fruit stand in the midst of the garden God hath said, 'Ye shall not eat of it, lest your profits plummet'."

And the Lord God said to himself: "Yea, two little men get into too much trouble, but it is not good that Adam should be alone; I will try again.".

And the hairdresser said unto Yves, "Your profits shall not surely plummet; for God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing commerce and embezzlement."

And the Lord God gathered up more dust from the newly made earth. And lo! in his hand there did form a living soul from the mere contact of dust in his hand. And He thought for a long time and decided this was woman, and her name would be rve.

So when Yves saw that the fruit stand in question was a good place to eat, he ate of its fruit and gave some to Adam. They both ate of the fruit and the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized that they were naked, and that all the little men were naked, and that Yves and Adam could increase their profits by sewing beautiful fig’eaf aprons. Yves sewed and sold many aprons, and Adam embezzled.

He called unto Adam, saying: "Here is a woman named Eve to watch over my naughty little man and keep him from em bezzling.". Then the Lord God turned all the fruit stands into trees, and out of the ground the Lord formed every beast of the field and brought them into the garden. The fowl went into the air, the cattle into the fields, and the serpent into the tree of knowledge. Eve was going over to pet the serpent just as the Lord God lay back to rest, saying: "And now we shall have some peace!".

And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day; and Adam and Yves hid them

M o n o th eism ,

Polytheism.

and

Paganism

Fro" Faerie Fire #1

There is much confusion, misunderstanding and downright superstition and slander around what paganism is, and on the relation between paganism and the monotheistic relig ions. This demands some clarification of terms, and res ponse from those of us who have been forced to remain silent since the victory of the Christian Inquisition over the last several centuries. To begin with, pagans and witches have nothing to do with Satan worship, Black Masses, or any other inverted aspect of Christianity. All of the different traditions of Euro pean paganism pre-date Christianity and even Judaism, and have never had any need to desecrate Judeo-Christian symbols in our spiritual practices. Our traditions go back to the youth of humanity, before the last ice-age: evidence of worship of the Earth Mother Goddess has been found on the banks of the Desna River in the USSR that date back to 70,000 years ago. As we have thus had our own deities for more than twenty times longer than the Judeo-Christian religion has even existed, we certainly do not worship the Christian Satan. Paganism is in no way identical with the cultures of Imperial Rome, the Greek "Golden Age", or of the kingdoms and city-states of the ancient Middle East. While these cultures were polytheistic, this does NOT mean these cultures were pagan. The Middle East and Meditereanean city-states, and especially Rome as the biggest citystate of all, were based upon tiny privileged cliques of slaveowners and landowners ruling over masses of slaves and plebeians, and on war and plunder for more land and slaves. Whose land? What slaves? Why, the pagans, the bar barians, who were considered fair game for the civilized ruling classes. These imperialistic slaveowners, and patriarchal polytheists must not be confused politically or culturally with their victims: they were not pagans, but instead the polytheistic precursors of patriarchal monotheism. We pagans do not accept responsibility for the atrocities of Rome and the other ancient empires, for these atrocities were committed against us. What was paganism then? Paganism was the natural way of life of European humanity, living tribally and in villages, in harmony with nature, without class privilege, war, and slavery, and without racism or sexual oppression. Women were at the center of village/tribal life, and what property that existed that was not communal was passed matrilineally. Chieftain shaman, healer, witch--what authority figures existed did so not through wealth or

A G a y A f f i rm at i on

force, but because they had the respect of the people. Out side of our own pagan oral traditions, this has been inde pendently shown to be the case by researchers of very many backgrounds, begining with Morgan, Marx, Engels and others one-hundred years ago. This communal-matriarchal society, with variations, was the general rule from Ireland to India, throughout Africa and Australia, and the Pacific; and if one wants to look for a "local" example, ask a Native American Traditional to tell of their ways, for they are close indeed to those of European Paganism. The Greek siave-raiders called us "barbarians" from the word "bar" repeated over and over again by a Balkan tribe resisting civilization's enslavement. (Athens, the great "democracy", was over 80% slave in population.) The Roman Imperialists called us "Pagans" after "pagus" or birch tree, for we lived in the countryside. (Civilization comes from "civitas" or city.) The Christian Church called us heathens, for after the Bishops and feudal warlords had seized all the best land, the only places that the pagans, rebels and other refugees could live in the ancient way was by joining the remnants of the pre-class tribal society in the heaths (swamps), in the hills and the woods. (It was from these anti-feudal bands that we get the word "bandits", as well as the legends of Robin Hood.) The Church uni laterally declared all non-Christians to be evil Satanworshippers, although no one in fact worshipped their Satan until the last century or two. They conducted the massive witch-hunts of the 14th-17th centuries not just out of religious intolerance or superstition, but because, as the political party of feudalism, Christianity had to neutralize the rebellious peasant's leadership, primarily witches and pagans, and then to wipe out of the very memory among the people of the ancient role of women. If there is a single lesson modern pagans can pass on to people in struggle against oppression, it is this: Europeans (and their European-American descendents) were not always the racist, sexist, imperialist, Earth destroy ing colonialists that the world has seen so much of. The Roman and Christian Imperialists had to conquer Europe's people by force, and as pagans we resisted them every step of the way, just as the people of other continents did, later. Before they could conquer the world from their European base, they had to conquer pagan Europe from their urban bases. Europeans were once like all the other peoples of this planet. And in the struggle against exploitation and oppression, so shall we again take our place among the ranks of the real Human Spirit, the Spirit of Life, which is revolutionary love.

t e % c l ct e a all abused by those who do not understand who we are and what we can do. We are men who can design and build the most desirable home or erect the nation's greatest skyscraper. We are the men, often spoken of in whispers and catty laughs, who give beauty to a world where plain ness would dominate. We are the men who make advancement in languages and who create images that glow with the fire of the collective consciousness. We are the men who bind together the schizophrenia of the hidden night and the public day. We are the men who glue existence together with the power of understanding, healing, and love. We are the men who lift our voices to the silence and find our echoes returning in a reality others imagine but rarely experience. We are the men who wear the robes of delight in the eternal celebration of life. We are the men who see into the hearts of men where nothing is hidden and where love would dwell.

Many times in my life I did not want to be who I am. I was born of a sweet, gentle, and feminine nature, whose wit and vitriol were his/her only defenses, but now I accept myself. I reign with other souls over a kingdom filled with fellow travellers, builders, creators, who find in all of life the sustenance for both body and soul, and who in devouring that sustenance, transform it into an energy that feeds a soul-starved world. I reign with others who survive great odds against them and, in that surviving, give back to the world that prescious j_e ne sais quoi that brings smiles and tears to the many wTio are 1ess articulate, less expressive, and less original. We are the avatars of living who, in our manners and manner isms, defy a false convention and shine with a radiance that enlivens the heart and can positively melt a soul. We are men who have been ridiculed and teased and above

The author takes you from "Barriers against Sexual Energy" to "Sex and Aging," with many stops in between. But she never quite reaches the point of clearly conveying her message. So much is covered in so few pages that the reader feels hungry for more knowledge and the "how to" of self-love. For light reading or as an addition to your coffee-table library, this book would be ideal. It could also be a beginning to more serious reading into masturbation and self-love!

The Hundredth Monkey by Ken Keyes, Jr. Vision Books, 790 Commerical Ave., Coos Bay, OR 97420 $2.00 Reviewed by Frank E. Grant QUEER by William 5. Burroughs Viking Denguin Tnc., 40 West 23rd St. ^ew York, MY 10010 134 pp, *14.05 Reviewed by Daphael Sabat ini

It is not often that one comes upon a book that is not copyrighted and comes with a coupon insert that will make available twenty copies of the book, along with other material, postpaid, for $20. Such is the author's desire to spread his message!

Whew. While the tome is short, it is an excellent example of one of the finest "cut & paste" authors writing today. Burroughs, heroin addict and confidant of Ginsberg and Kerouac, has penned (through the persona of Lee) his own drugged chronicle of his experiences living in Mexico City during the late 1940s and early 1950s.

The thesis of The Hundredth Monkey is simply stated: The prospect of a nuclear disaster is so terrible that we must work to prevent it. To do this requires both knowledge of the issues involved, and an active level of opposition. Figure this little book to be a stimulus, and you are on your way!

What's so new about "Man sees boy. Man falls in love with boy. Boy is not TOO terribly interested but suffers the attention. Man falls deeper in love with boy. Boy remains aloof. Man takes boy on trip away from home turf. Boy leaves man. Man is desolate."?

Keyes provides us with some data as to the horror of what accidental near-misses and nuclear war could to do us as a species, and every other material thing. He gives us references to back his data, and it is compelling. What are some of the data? --in 1954, four actors, including John Wayne, filmed for three months in an area of the U.S. 150 miles from an atomic bomb test site; 25 years later all had died of cancer.

The song remains the same but the manner in which it is sung differentiates pornography from literature. Burroughs writes very evocative lit., to wit: Lee is so infatuated with Allerton that he often finds himself making up extraordinary monologues to capture Allerton's heart (or at least his attention) and at one point Allerton questions one of the monologues and Lee replies, "Just a routine for your amusement containing a modicum of truth." Burroughs routinely touches on the extremely raw nerves of the lover in chase of his quarry: "He (Lee) forced himself to look at the facts. Allerton was not queer enough to make a reciprocal relation possible. Lee's affection irritated him (Allerton). Allerton resented Lee's action in paying (the pawnbroker) to recover his camera." How often we want to buy love or at least companionship. And how often we find that the object we wish to buy is NOT FOR SALE.

--Navajos who live and work in areas where uranium is mined are subject to an 85% increase in lung cancer over their normal rate. --"Between 1945 and 1963 several hundred thousand soldiers were marched through areas where the Nevada atomic weapons tests were conducted. The rate of leukemia among these men had been 400 times the national average!" --in Kyshtym, Russia, in 1958, a nuclear plant exploded, leaving an area of the Ural Mountains--hundreds of miles' WOrth--devastated. It will not be habitable for thousands of years. This report came to light after U.S. suppression because of the Freedom of Inforamtion Act. This early disaster was in the news again when the nuclear plant at Chernobyl exploded.

Burroughs poignant chronicle is well worth the reading. I don't think it's worth $14.95; so borrow it from your 1ibrary.

Think of it: the wilderness, the mountains, the country life RFDers love so much, ecologically terminated! In all, Keyes lists some two dozen references. If his book was to be a compendium of this kind of data, he probably could have listed at least a hundred times that many. Half of the book is an eloquent plea for us to take some personal action in the opposition of nuclear proliferÂ ation. That is where the title, The Hundredth Monkey, becomes important. The title relates to a story o f h o w some island monkeys learned by happenstance to wash sand from their food, and how this skill traveled--incredibly, unexplainably--to monkeys in other regions. The idea is that, if enough of us become active instruments against the nuclear prospect, one of us may make the difference that swings the balance in favor of a totally nuclearfree way of life. No, not "may"--"WILL!" That is, if we have a future life ahead of us at all . . .

Masturbation, Tantra and Self-Love by Margo Woods Mho and Mho Works, Box 33135, San Diego, CA 92103 107 pp, $7.50 Reviewed by Ken of Triangle Farm In the preface, the author states that her purpose is to show us how to love ourselves and what we can expect to happen if we do. Unfortunately for the reader, this is never accomplished.

a n o t h e r m o t h e r TONGUE By Judy Grahn Beacon Press, Boston, MA

■Llj-ustlon, And by and by, no matter how smoothly things are going (in fact, perhaps because of the very smooth ness) we are bound to point out diversity, to upset the applecart, throw the machine off balance, step out of ine, wear inappropriate' clothing, give away the secret, take a different course." She is a true warrior, taking a true warrior stance.

Reviewed by David Wheeler ANOTHER MOTHER TONGUE is a cultural history of the gay world reaching back into tribal antiquity and myth. Judy Grahn sets up a dynamic by telling of her own process of self-realization, led by her first lover, Von and how she started to explore some of the words and customs of gay culture. By tracing the ancient roots of meaning and etymology of these words and customs, she opens a door of realization for us (as it opened for her in her own experiences) and reveals that the gay culture dates back to our earliest history and that, rather than being a "fringe" group, the gay society has been a cultural nexus having a profound effect, whether welcomed or despised, on human society through the ages. Once that dynamic is established, she goes back and forth, in a scintillating and evocative prose, between stories of old warrior queens; the terror of being revealed as a lesbian in the antagonistic world of America in the '60s’; lesbian witches, lesbian goddesses, independent women ’spinsters" in modern china, the horned god, gay bar culture . . . Dazzling tales all interwoven with her constant, highly personal commentary to Von that reveals the story of her own development and the depths of her heart. I started reading the book to find out more about our pagan roots. There is a wealth of information about that and wonderful stories of shamans, faeries, symbolism, and sex magic--but I got more than I bargained for. I got a lucid glimpse and a new understanding of the gay world, or "gay-ness," in the many guises in which it has appear ed throughout human history.

Part of the function of the temple priestesses was to teach the straight men how to approach women, especially at marriage. Because Judy Grahn allowed me into her experience, I have seen, not one, but several new ways to see women, several new ways to see men, and, most of all, I have learned about myself. As the Roman, Ovid commented: "What did Sappho teach her girls, except how to love?"

^ LIFT- READING A Metaphysical Autobiography: A Story of Reincarnation by Numa Pillion Todd^ Honeywell, Inc., in Cuttermill Rd., Gt. Neck, NY pp,

$12.50

Reviewed by Harry Mila

Judy Grahn is truly a warrior--or "ceremonial dike", as she chooses to call the mediator between the worlds. Her openness is heartbreakingly courageous, but she keeps up the intensity and persistence of her basic points to the last pages of the book, where she makes her strongest statements of the place and role of "Gay" in society. Gay is good. And as with any other group or category, gay is also bad, too. But to say 'gay is better'--now’ that is just wrong. . . I like diversity, I like crosscultural connections, and for that you have to have some cross cultures to connect with and if each one is respect ed for what it is, confident of its own history, roots, cultural traits, and general functions, that seems to me to be a most fruitfull situation, far safer and more exciting than the attempts at total homogeneity could ever be. Straight and gay culture are mutually inter dependent and complementary in their social functions. They have a tremendous overlap of personnel. To define each one honestly and fully, we are going to have to think in two different directions at one time, to under stand that "bad" has a place in the universe, and to do this without becoming passive and losing the will to rebel against injustice and dogmatic thinking when we see it before us." But then she goes on to say, "For if gay is good, yes, and should therefore be accorded equal status, socially, morally, and legally in the modern nation-state--a status that is very appealing--then how do we fulfill our ancient position as classic outsider, as cultural leader/ antileader, as goat, as shaman/priest, as mirror reflec tion of the social fabric, as critic, as mover and shaker? That, is the apparent contradiction between our increasing ly successful and inevitable attainment of civil rights and acknowledgment and protection of us as citizens of the nation--and our understanding that, as Tede Mathews said, 'Gay people are not nice--that is, we're nice, but we re not nice! perhaps it is that we have, as a group, knowledge of the difference and, as well, the similarit ies between good and evil, as the court jester tradition ally had. We are, very often, astutely aware of the forces other than those that appear on the surface of the

-uma s first inspiration in life was to become an actor in movies. As he grew older he found out about death-and he wondered why he had to live if he had to die. The inevitability of death made him more determined to become an actor. Aside from his unusual name, Numa had another unusual condition to contend with--his homosexuality. After an acting engagement in Phoenix, Arizona, Numa returned to Phoenix to live and met a landlady that taught him about Theosophy and reincarantion. This put Numa on a spiritual quest to develop his mental powers. He studied hypnosis, spiritualism, psychism and the occult, t was the works of Edgar Cayce that had the greatest impact upon his mind and caused him to wonder who and what he had been in lives past; would he become an actor in this life?, and what about his homosexuality? Numa eventually was lead to the Religious Research Found ation, an organization doing research into past lives. He acquired a Life Deading of his own that answered the questions to his spiritual search and purpose in life. wenty-five years later, while working at the University of Washington in Seattle, Numa decided to write about his life and Life Reading and how reincarnation explained homosexuality. According to the teaching of reincarnation, homosexual itv is a natural result of the progression of the soul through its Earth experiences. All souls, at one time or another, will have at least one gay or homosexual expression, just as everyone will have a handicapped body at least once--to show the soul that the body is not the master. There is so much "liberation of guilt" in understanding re incarnation that Numa wonders why all gays don't know mere about it. ne:ncarnation and homosexua1 ity are equally condemned and vilified by the ignorant masses. Numa feels reincarnation is the asnwer to— Why am I this way?; and provides gays and their family members with.the explanation to the unknown equation in their lives.

p o o K

ftsV E w s

SAFFSTUp jhe Safesex Chronicles of Max Exander by Max Exander The Body Works, 303 North Senate Ave., Indianapolis, IN 46204. pamphlet free with SASE to publisher Reviewed by John C. Power

A WITCHHUNT FOILED by NAMBLA Glad Oay Books, 43 Winter St., Boston, MA 02108 PI pp, $5.95

SAFESTUD is a fictional diary of a man who decided to have only safe sex. The diary covers a period of two years and moves from a feeling of almost despair at the initially perceived prospect of never having sex again to the excitement of discovery that most safesex is only a little different from what he was already doing.

Reviewed by Louis A. Colantuono A WITCHHUNT rOILcD is a very interesting little book writ ten by NAMBLA, about how and why they took on the F.B.I., local law enforcement and even the national news media when they tried to drag NAMBLA thru this intensified hate campaign. Intensified hate campaigns are nothing new to the gay community, but NAMBLA is new, it is the only organization that openly supports the rights of man-boy love or boy-man love.

Early on the instructional part of the novel tends to appear to infringe on the erotic portions. Later as the writer reviews his diary he also feels that it does and comments on it as part of the learning process that he had to go through. It may also be a device to call attent ion to safesex methods since some people require the 2 x 4 attention getter just like an old mule. Only in his use of dildoes does he not give instructions on the care and feeding of that animal before and after use. Make sure you check your safesex information manual before using one.

This little book is a very big book because of what it has to say. This little book has 27 photos and illustrations of individuals, Newspaper front pages and leaflets that played a role in the case. It also has the transcripts of interviews and a talk show dialogue that took place in the middle of this nasty affair.

Aside from the erotica this is a story of his growth as a person. He becomes better friends with himself and con sequently better friends with his world and the people he meets in it. We are allowed to see his growth, pain, fun, and confusion as he becomes more humanly alive, responsible and mature.

A WITCHHUNT FOILED is a book that everyone should read twice, then keep for reference to remind them that police entrapment and media lies can happen to anyone and every one. I want to thank £ £ £ For sending me this book to review. This book is also~available directly from NAMBLA for $6.05 (Postpaid), P.0. Box 1.74, Midtown Station, New York, NY 10018.

This book has several S&M scenes, which may or may not be your cup of tea. It also includes romantic interests which are part of the protagonist's growth process. He starts out with the premise that he has been hurt too much and doesn't want to get intimately involved with others. As he matures he deals with those feelings and begins to develop loving relationships with other men. Through this two-year journey, he starts to find himself, finds some hot men along the way, and learns how to use safesex while still having a good time. It took the ability to be open to a new perspective as well as giving himself permission to enjoy it.

Sampson's Riddl e by John Ratti Hanging Loose Press, 231 Wykoff St., Brooklyn, NY 11217 72 pp, $6.00 paper

REGULATOR BOOKSHOP

Reviewed by Scott Humphries John Ratti's poems pulse with images that stir the reader into feeling. He builds emotional momentum slowly, ending his poems once the reader is moved into reflection. The effect is long lasting; the poetry in Sampson's Riddle, his third collection, is best savored slowly.

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Sampson's Riddle is divided into four sections. The first offers reflections on life in general, the second, observations of nature and insects which can easily be related to human life. The third section muses on Ratti's youth and interactions with his family, the fourth is a small collection of subtle gay poetry that is both romantic and sexy.

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Ratti's imagery is both raw and real. This is evident in his description of a pregnant woman in Tibet whose baby walks inside "and she is bruised/by the small, hard feet." in a lighter piece, the poet's romantic side is exposed as he remembers "the secret apricot small" at the nape of a lover's neck.

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Ratti lives and works in New York as a writer and editor, and his sophisticated poetry has appeared in a variety of magazines including the New Yorker. This collection is highly recommended for those seeking a j'ourney into the Poet's thoughts and dreams as well as a stirring of their own emotions and memories.

Please send me THE COMPLETE GAY LESBIAN &. FEMINIST CATALOG Please print your name, address, state and rip Enclosed is $ I

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Dear RFV Readers: Is there anyone j[rom the Richmond, l/A area who enjoys hiking in the great outdoors and icould tik e to have a friend from the North? I have v isite d year area on past occasions and enjoyed i t very much. I would lik e to estab lish a friend ship whereby we could exchange cor respondence and v i s it s .

RFP prints contact letters free of charge. We also provide a free forwarding service for readers who wish to remain anonymous. Just give your address as "c/o RFD", and we will forward your mail. Of course, donations are always welcome! Please condense your letter to 200 words or less. Spelling and punctuations will be corrected as needed for clarity unless you specify otherwise. It helps to be positive in stating your in terests and preferences. Saying "no” to any particular trait or characteristic may unnecessarily offend a brother.

I am 40, S '9", 160, in good health.

I enjoy music, exp. c la s s ic a l. Antiques, reading, philosophy. I took forward to growing sp ir itu a lly but am not re lig io u s.

PEACE PJA o/( Maii. c/o RFV

The Brothers Behind.Bars pen pal program is a separate ser vice provided for our readers to make contact with prisoners. You may want to write us for suggestions regarding writing to prisoners before responding to prisoner responses to your letters.

I'm in terested in establish in g cor respondence with penpals, meeting new friends and maybe finding a sp e c ial man for a sp e c ial relation sh ip. I'm most attracted to masculine, indep endant easy-going guys who appreciate nature and need a l i t t l e wilderness in th eir liv e s . Outdoor men who are confident, husky, a l i t t l e pot-bellied are turnons but i f anything I'v e said touches you, please w rite. 7 ’m an ORIGINAL. Vou be too! Picture exchange ivould be fun. Local le tte rs would be great. So would hearing from Dead Heads! " I f my words did glow with the gold of sunshine.. . " 'T il we a l l f a l l down!' Paul (Mass.) cfo REV

Country Brothers: b’e can 't a l l liv e in the country; some must stay near the c it ie s and supervise. Vou could help the cause by getting in contact with me, sharing your philosophy, your approach to country livin g and c ity liv in g , and your dreams and d esires.

Dear RED'ers: I am a gay man livin g in a small ru ral community in western Mass. and find i t d if f ic u lt to meet gay brothers. I love nature and live. with my dog 6 cats in a cabin in the tvoods. I'm strong, independent, creative, quiet, private and se lfactualized. I'm also friendly, caring, gentle, sen sitiv e, earthy and sensual..

B asically I'm an outdoor person. Interests include gardening, wild l i f e , herbs, hiking, camping, fish in g. 7 also enjoy painting and cooking, w riting, good boohs, and being naked in the woods.

I am healthy physically and emot ionally and try to liv e a fa ir ly wholesome existance; but I have my fau lts and bad habits. I'm a moderate user of tobacco, 7 drink beer and coffee.

I'm 34 years old, white, reddish blond hair, sometimes bearded, often net. I have green eyes. I'm a t i t t l e short of t a l l (5'10") a l i t t l e more than slim (good body wi,th slig h t beer b e lly ).

S'&"&

I am white, 5'10", brown hair/eyes (2), poor memory, Virgo. In terests: simple and gourmet cooking, antiques, creative w riting, sex, walking along the Florida beaches thinking of nothing, dining in , reading, walking along the Maine coasts thinking of lo b ster. Send a lin e and possibly you could come to v i s i t in the land of eternal sunshine. John Bertrand PO Box 149 Dublin, NH 03444

7 exerci*e m'uLtrtg-J (and t/w.ngi) and remember how t'k ly .

Gracekully GratekuZ, Rev. Glenn ok Tree* 411 W. 48th S t. (5RE) New York City, NY 10036 Dear Farm Neighbor: Are you. approaching th irty-kive and kind your* elk growing reA tle** in your ifamily routine, perhaps (Jeering a l i t t l e lonely and iso la te d now and then? OccaAionally you might wonder ik there iA a gentle way to break out, without upsetting the homeAtead, and try your wing6 in new 6unrounding*, diAcover tike, and experiment with the design ok your own kwture. "Day dream*" tho*e were caZZed when we were children. Let me t e l l you about mine. 7 liv e alone in a roomy, pleaAant karmhouAe. 7 don't try to work the land, but with your help 7 would tike

to keep a garden and a yardkuZ ok klowenA we could be proud ok. 7 am, by nature, a neAtbuiZder and would welcome an enthuAiaAtZc helpmate to ihare everything 7 have and do. M y tike ha* no *pace k0*- drug*, drink, or *moke, and I hope you agree with that idea. Ju *t good kriend*, good kood, laughter and * weet dream*.

Maybe you would tik e to plan a cot tage induAtry with me ik you have *ome *kiilA ? Ik not, l e t me teach you what 7 have learned. I own a good * tation mgon kor vending a t *tr e e t k r in ik that i * p ra c tic a l. Ik you are a l i t t l e timid about, being lonely (a* 7 am) but. * trong and ambitiou* enough to be adventure*ome, plea*e take a chance and w rite to me. Let’ * exchange *nap*hot* and hi&torie * and get acquainted and make *ome plan* together. Come dream with me.

♦ Dear RFD Reader*, 7 enjoy reading a l l the l e t t e r * k.rom a l l you warm, kriendly people out there. Everyone *eem* to be looking kor quiet tim e*, cabin in the wood*, long walk* and candlelight dinner*. Thai'* great and 7 enjoy i t a l l too, but where are the *o c ia l actlviA t* out. there? There i& *o much more to be done to create more kairne** and juAtice in our io c le ty th at we need to create in that area along with our penon al Aearch kor enjoyment.

Recently, 7 j$Xnd my*elk moving to the le k t and *eek contact with other gay actlv iA t*. 7 am a GWM 49, S ' 10", 175 lb *, with * a l t and pepper hair. 7 am a BuddhlAt in te re ite d in exploring all. the Zen a r t k°rm* (Japanese gardening, Bru&h painting, Haiku, e tc .) 1 jog, try to comume moderately and am an experienced educator with my own bwiine**. 7 de&ign educational, m aterial* and Atructure* including comput.er couneware. 7 would lik e to communicate with other* who are in tereited in combining the actlviA t H ie with experien tial enjoyment. 7 have traveled widely and lived abroada l l race* and culture* are welcome and encouraged to w rite. Drop me a lin e ioon. Let'* change the world a* well a* enjoy i t . Alan Oliver Box 731 Schenectady, NY 11301

JR ok We*tche*ter c/o RFD

♦ Dear RFD Reader*: Dear Faerie S p ir it* ok Savannah, GA: What'* i t lik e down there, V'alZ being gay? Whiiper* come in my ear very clear to kind to you my way... But 7 want to know how red neck* take to key way*; be any ok u* out there? Turn on your lig h t and beam i t t'h ere! 7 thank y'dearly. 7 be, 7 *ay, a Aoother ok *o u l* and rubber ok kz&i and . . . A bodhi therapiAtt (un-pi&t)SquaredL; incomplete tho the* man, ik not mentioned a r t iit lp o e t (gnome de plum). Kindly l e t me know ik and when you can receive the* one kor a t r y 'a l l flun. A b le**in g two k°ld, ihaZZ upon thee come (not *o ld in Atore*, or to Be to ld ) . . .Perhap* even my place in exchange kor a tim e.. .D etail* can be arranged. 7 await a l l rep ly *, while

Remember your k *r *t time? No, not that k i n t tim e .,.I mean the k ir *t time you put a contact, l e t t e r in RFD! Well, th l* i * a k i n t k°r me, one th at I'v e thought about acting on Aince l a * t k ali when 7 k * n t read RFD. I ’ m 35, 5’ 11", 150 pound* and have brown hair, muAtache, and beard. My in te re st* are many; reading, trav elin g, learning about antique*, tin piercing, ralAing chi.cken* and duck*, and garden ing juAt to name a kew. Probably the mo*t important to me i i Apending time with kriend*, eith er enjoying a home cooked meal or working together. My motto i * " * haring and caring", two id e a l* th at 7 enjoy giving a* well a* receiv in g.

At pre*ent, I'm livin g on a ifarm and learning about country liv in g . Thi* i i new kor me having recently moved back to th i* area akter livin g kofL the p a*t 15 year* on the we*t coa*t. Today 7 couldn't -imagine ever going back to that r a t race although 7 iometime* mi** the weather. Akter reading the pa&t k&o i**u e * ok RFD 7 know that. 7 want to become a part ok the lik n t y le th at I ’ ve read about and am becoming involved in. I ’ d e&pecially enjoy hearing fa °m and becoming kriend* with other* who are w illing to *hare th eir experience, Atrength, and hope with thi* new comer. Unlike many le tte r * that Vve read, photo* are not n ece**ary .. . correipondence and hopekully meeting you * ometime in the kwture i * \fane enough. I'm in tereited in what'* im id e , not the exterior. Looking fa Award to * haring with you re a l *o o n ... Gene Zurenda RD2 - Box 1267 Akton, NY 13730

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I am fortunate, in my 50s, note, to ,'iave enjoyed young, slim lovers mostly under 30 and remain on good terms with a l l mu xxx's. Ho, I'm not

a bragger, ju st making a statement, because of a l l the hatred and back biting I hear of with x 's . Single GUM, Lee, 18 18/47), 5 '8 ", 125 tb ^, 6 m . h alt, beaid, ateen eye s , nm-smoker (o <5 tobacco), occasional drinker, main intellects'- exotic fowl and caqe birds, music, cocking, nature'. I tecaid Like to meet or coricspond Mith other men with sim itar in te re sts. Sex is n 't a must. Jim Liston c/o Joe Liston Rt 1 Greensboro, PA 15338

♦

I'm a peaceful and peacewilled man living by the 'Golden Rule." I'm 5' 11", 170 lb s, gray hair, blue eyes, baby smooth face. I have a hearty faugh and I enjoy l i f e . I teas raised on a farm but now an apartment dweller, greek and french active, non leather master-daddy type and trueblue friend to free lads of any race who are open minded, passive and often mis-understood for the way they are.

Movement. I am 24 years old and have been

involved in ending animat abuse for only one year, yet I see c lea rly that this is a path 1 am driven to follow and l very much would enjoy contact with other gay men and lesbians who are already wrking f or Animal Liberation in their communities a lt over American [and the world). I seek te tte rs from vegetarians only as 1 respect none other and I do not eisk to be used as a sexual c a ta ly st by prisoners. T w ill reply to persons in the Animal Rights MOvement only.

Blessed Be

Mark

Apt. V 171 Easton Rd. Horsham, PA 19044

♦ Dear RED Contact Pals: *ec, time flie s and with i t we ah' get a l i t t l e older and wiser.

reading RED for almost a ’>ear new, 1 get i t thru a Gay 6 Feminist. Bookstore in my hometown called The. Hers Teeth, and have tried to estab lish pen-friends with •lour readers. I'v e

been

I’m an older gent, a rather la te bloomer, but I've been out long enough to realize the. d iffic u ltie s we a l l have ju st living a normal l i f e with our straigh t society and gay brothers, some of whom are overiu jealecus and or down righ t snobs, of both worlds.

T am a 28 year old, non-smoker, who tcill be relocating to the Washington Metropolitan area August 1986 to attend graduate school in the D istric t of Columbia. T am in search of a quiet country refuge in V irginia or Mary land within commuting distance to DC! or an affordable, sa fe , and clean place in the D istric t. I'm open to one roommate or a group, so long as 1 have a p rivate place to study. 1 love to read, have many p lan ts, and enjoy sp o rts. I f you fe e l we might make compatible housemates, please write me.

Henry L. Trevanthan, J r . 5517 Heritage Rd. Hopeu'ell, VA 23860-9054

I would love to hear from a l l of you.

Sincerely,

’0 Box 251 Iaiming ton, VE 19899

Gree t i n g , hex t o and icei l come ••

friends a t RFD, there must be others in airy c irc le s who are concerned and involved in the Animat Rights

Dear RFD Brothers:

♦ Fellow Human Beings: I've been living the country l i f e for several years now and enjoy i t for the most part but don't consider the hard work and living alone as a 'simple l i f e ' . T am a survivor of this l ife s t y le , and feel lik e a better person because of this learning experience which I have chosen. I live in a dairy hoase on a farm in Maryland about 40 miles 81. o f Wash. VC. I work as a caretaker for the owners. Sly work includes gardening, landscaping, masonary, firewood, animal care, machine maintenance, house cleaning, etc. I also s e l l old furniture and am planning to sta r t other businesses. I believe that I am what I think so I try not to lim it my poss i b i l i t i e s . M y a t titude is everything. Sly other in te re sts include sp ir itu a l community, organic farming, c r a fts , altern ate energy, carpentry, natural foods, h o lis tic health, antiques 8 c o lle c tib le s , home computer, photo graphy, outdoor a c t i v it ie s , real country 8 sp iritu a l folk music, quality TV 8 movies, cultural a r ts , to name a few. I am in terested in meeting others in my area, esp. those who have exper ienced and chosen Jesus Christ consciousness as their sp iritu al path and who consider themselves gentle, caring, p ositive and responsible non smoking individuals who wish to share the higher q u a litie s of human nature and want to be a p art of my extended family. I am 33, lean and in good health. Love 8 Blessings, John of Hyatts town, LID. c/o RFD

I am a gay white male, age 48, living in the ru ral W. Va. I am lonely. As 1 don't have a lover. I love good gentle sex. Have much love to give. I am honest, sincere and loving. I tvould love to hear from like-minded brothers. I need your friendships and

we w ill see what e lse w ill develope from there. I w ill answer ALL who w rite. Mason Crosier

Rt. 81, Box 12 Ballard, W. l/A 24918

Vear RFV and friends: I have written le tte rs to contact le tte r s once before. Again, 7 am asking for pen p als, and perhaps more.

Hello •• I am a 27 t/ecw. o W aApt^Ong w riter, living in North Florsda. Ai I itAtoe to gAow, to tecum, to comprehend and transcend, I am seek

ing com patriots, frien d s, and thosa with in sigh t/in put into the. new age.

I cun esp ecially in terested in eastern philosophy (Buddhism, Tao, I Ching),

Paganism, Christian Mysticism, Tarot, Creative Visualszatson, A stria l Projection, and a l l aspects of "the Aquarian Conspiracy." Other in te re sts include film , creative writing, and safe. ie-x• I am b asic ally shy, a^ectuonate 6

in te llig e n t, im aginative, friendly. I have blond hair, blue eyes, 7 am 5’8" t a l l , 160 lb s. I am eageA to hear from anyone who

finds my le tte r intriguing a t any level. Soon, B ill in Jax (F lorid a) d o RFV ♦

dear friends, Is there someone, out there that is looking for a quiet l i f e in a small town in the Florida Keys with a mid dle aged man who is yearning for a relationship with an honest, loving, younger man not. into bars, one night stands, booze or drugs? I am a quiet person who se ttle d here to get aivay from the hectic l i f e of the c ity and liv e a serene l i f e in one of the most beautiful areas of the world. I am se ttle d and now i t is time for a relation sh ip. Anyone interested? 1 have a beautiful home of my aim and am gain fully employed. Touching, cud dling, holding hands, beaching in the nude, together, camping, quiet evenings either a t home or under the sta r s and sharing my l i f e with a caring person is what 1 long for. If you are in terested , please write so we can discuss the p o s s ib ilit ie s . Race i s no b arrier. My v ita l states, are: 46, 5 '9 ” , 180, brown hair, brown eyes, GWM. you should be warned that you w ill be smothered with love so be prepared if you answer th is le tte r . Rob of the Florida Kens,

c/o RFV

1 am 67, 5'10", 225lbs, grey hair, sin gle and have a small apartment. 7 am retired . 7 am not in terested at a l l in people who use drugs, booze, or smoke c ig a re tte s. 1 suppose, that i s because Vve done them a l l , and find l i f e , heatthwise, i s so much better without, them. 1 have lived in Alabama since 7 re tire d 6 years ago from New York S tate . 7 am looking for someone who wants to liv e with an older man, help pay the rent., share the ups and downs of gay l i f e and re a lly share love and l i f e . 7 am in terested in hearing from a l l age groups, esp ecially i f you are near enough to v i s i t me, or be v isite d by me. My income i s Social Security and a pension. 7 am NOT a sugar daddy, but 7 sure am tired of liv in g by myself. 7 am sin g le and presently on a d ie t. Why can’ t men from th is part, of the country write me. 7 have friends who are college students and one 81 years old. So i t s not that 7 don't have gay friends, 7 don't have someone 7 can share l i f e with. 1 enjoy RFV and have been a subscrib er for years. 7 love auto travel, writing le t t e r s , sex and a l l the r e st. 7 am clean, neat, unshaven and wear g la sse s. 7 promise to answer every le t t e r 7 receive. The big gripe 7 have i s people NOT a t le a s t acknowledging they received a le tte r .

So come on, le ts write and perhaps go further together. Please NO p riso n ers. A Sincere friend, CWG PO Box 20538 Montgomery, AL 36120

that delight our senses, w ill be every bit as good there as they are here in the S ta te s, in some cases perhaps, better. Books, a r ts , philo sophies can e a sily come with; th e y 'll take on a more intense flavor, lik e a meal out-of-doors. Think too, i t wouldn't be a case of "your place or mine?"; the neutral turf would be sy n e rg istic. This ad probably doesn't have a broad appeal, but I'm not organizing a travel group, any foot can spend money and claim to "have good ta s t e " ; 7 intend to s t a r t a l i f e partnership. Vour le tte r s w ill be answered. Roger T. Thornes P0~Box 111 Veer Lodge, TN 37726 ♦

Vear Brothers: I'm hoping this forum w ill provide for some tastin g friendships and memorable moments. I'm 28 and w ill be. 29 in July, a Cancerian. Typic a lly a basic moon child fu ll of love and many hugs, thank you Leo Bus c a tLa. Since i t looks lik e I won't be doing any traveling, 7 would re a lly enjoy a (cheap) postcard or whatever from your trav e ls. Home and abroad, from Winnemucca to Timbucktu. Write to me and t e ll me about your loves and liv e s . Eager to meet counterc u lt u r is ts , passive r e s is to r s , native. Americans, a l t and everyone to expand our global vision of brotherhood. Love to Vavid K. (aka Marvelous Persimmon), and hello Joe Lembo, remember me? Thank you RFV... Peace, ^ Love. Is The Laiv ^ Claude R. Maynard 31 E. 9th Ave. Columbus, OH 43201

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iP io n tp c ig c Vear Readers: 7 think that a goodly number of you are pretty muc/i lik e myself--you've mastered the s k i ll s to survive, a rural environment and you’ ve kept faith with yourselves by livin g somewhat Independently, opting not to join the urban m ilieu. However, and here's where 7 think many of us part company; 7 fee l that a t fo rty -fiv e , 7 don’ t have to prove my metal any more, nor do 7 have to support a government hell-bent on nuclear armajvent. I'm getting ready to build a l i f e in the South P acific (New' Zealand, probably). I'm betting my s e lf and what 1 have that the a ir , water, land and a l l the other things

Subscription $ 12, yr Sample Copy $1 00 Ad rates available on request P O Box 25)642 Raleigh. NC 27611 (919)829 0181

A c ontact club for rural men M o n t h l y w i t h n a t i o n w i d e ads. For a current issue send 6 A S E and s t a t e m e n t of P.0. B o x 381 Sibley, Louisiana. 71075

ago.

Veax RFVers: I'v e

l o s t s e v e r a l p a ls t h r u d e a th £ t o a d d a few new co>ix e s p o n d e n ts . Anyone c a r e t o write ME? I'm 55, a t e a c h e r , sin g le, friendly, love t o write l e t t e A A . C ollect 6tam p 6 6 p o s tc a rd s .

would tik e

Anyone f o r r e a l o u t there? Any f e llo w s t A a v e t ln g th A u Indiana (northern) t h i A Summer? Write o a c a l l me (7-279-5331340).

Vo w r i t e

All

A oon .

ageA w e lc o m e .

Sincerely, A l b e r t HoAnbeAgeA 218 R iv e r ll i s t a V A iv e

GoAhen, -IN 46526 ♦

Greetings: At 41 I'm no chicken, but maybe you' 'te t i l e d of! c le a n in g the- c h ic k e n c o o p , <th? I f y o u ' Ae At i l l w i t h me, I ' l l c o n t i n u e . I ' m a W A ite A — A e l l i n g heAe a n d i n E u ro p e . OveA t h e yeaAA I ' v e d e v e lo p e d a s t r i n g o f p r a c t i c a l a k i l l a a nd enough a d v a n c e d e d u c a t io n t o c o n v in c e me i t was t im e to A to p . My l i f e d e f in e s th e w o rd l o y a l t y : I ' v e n e v e r A k ip p e d on a lo v e d one o a p la y e d th e u n i v e r s a l l o v e r . I go ((04 q u i e t s t e a d y a f f e c t i o n a n d r e l a x e d Ae x , b u t o n ly w i t h th o s e I know a n d t r u s t . I p ro m is e no f >tee r i d e s , b e c a u s e t h a t ' a n o t go od foA you on me. B u t, i f you ie e y o u r s e l f A haA ing a n ic e home, w i t h g u e A t c a b in , A au n a , e t c . on t h e AhoACA ^ o A p le n d id la k e neaA a m a jo r w i l d e r n e s s , w e l l , maybe we can s t r i k e Aome a c c o m o d a tio n . 'low t h e d i f f i c u l t , p a r t . I'm fuA A y a b o u t q u a l i t y . So when you t e l l me a b o u t y o u r s e l f , g i v e a sam p le o f youA g o a lA and v i s i o n foA t h e f u t u A e . Lo oks' and age a x e s e c o n d a r y ; s k i p t h e p i c t u x e s . Concentrate on a h a t you h a v e t o o f f e r a n d 'W h e re you w a n t t o g o . C o n v in c e me y o u 'v e g o t d r i v e a n d s i n c e r i t y . V ig d e e p . Be p e r s u a s i v e . I a l r e a d y know I n e e d y o u , now make me want y o u .

Hcxthooods Harry [Minnesota) cto RFV H ello!

♦

I am a gay white male spending my Summer in Chicago before returning to college in B eloit, Wisconsin this f a l l where I study English, Spanish and San skrit. College has opened up lo ts of opportunities rfo* me, but one i t has not opened is that of finding Someone (as opposed to someone.) with whom to share my thoughts, l i f e and love.

1 am 23 years old, 775 lb s, Tatms, 6 ’ , with brown hair and eyes and a mous tache.. I suppose I'm a ttra c tiv e , judging from a l l the women I know who are trying to "convert" me. I follow Wicca and love nature. I c a st charts and read cards and palms. I love to dance, exercise, ta lk , escape the c ity , walk in the woods and share quiet eveings (as well as mornings, afternoons, e tc .) I have begun to wonder i f the man I am so desperately seeking actu ally e x ists. I want someone who i s caring and warm; funny and w itty, masculine and strong; lo y al and tender. I value the s p i r i t most, but human nature being what i t i s , I'm a fra id that i f you have fa c ia l hair and a decent body, I w ill be swayed in your favor! Age--well., anywhere between 22 and 40 i s fine. If you are also into Wicca, white magic, nature xeligion, th a t's good; but i f you are not, as long as you can deal with my b e lie fs, I can deal with yours. I'd lik e to meet you, whenever you are., as I am, lonely and need a friend. I know you are out there. Write me, regardless of distance-I 'U answer a l l le t t e r s . Hamaste, Greg E veritt (SummeA) 525? W. Strong S t.

Chicago, IL 60630

(F all) Beloit. College Box 1194 B eloit, m 535 11

♦ Sincerely: After a long cold winter liv in g in our national fo re st lands I have come back to my home to find an old c ity and a new me. Less than a year ago a fte r nearly reaching mental break down point due to f a s t c ity l i f e and a slow mellow me--I found i t necccssary to escape to our mother in the woods. People told me I would never survive more than three weeks, hour months were my achievements and "almost" loved every moment. How th at I'm home, I quite often miss mother's b itte r cold winds th at seemingly crippled my fingers from work or numbed my feet from walking. H ever-the-less, this i s my p ast and i t i s time for new adventures. Recently I ’ ve opened a sign company/print shop/home studio. Trying to -tun a business alone is crazy, l e t alone dealing with a l l the loonies th at have no idea what they axe talking about when i t comes to designs. In the long, I'm seeking a business partner, companion and so to speak, hubby to share this l i f e and enterprise with. Experience i s a necessity when i t comes to caxpentry, wood carving, painting, etc. Hopefully, your capable of being creative with anything. Right down to d rillin g holes, everything here i s done by hand.

M y self--!' m 21, long brown h air, long beard, yellow green eyes, 6 '1 ", 160*1, A mellow virgo with a crazy energetic f l a ir of mind, a l i t t l e hetexophobic and very non-fem inistic. Live on a farm situ ate d country cabin sty le home studio. Chickens 6 turkeys too! Body hair £ warm loving cuddely people axe. r e a l turn-ons. For more in fo, ^h ite: (photo appreciated) Forest PO Box 1691 Maryland Heights, MO 63043

Hello to a l l my ru ral thinking friends: 7 haue read RFV for several years now, and fin a lly have courage enough to w rite. I am 47, divorced five years ago when I fin a lly faced who and what i re a lly am. I am currently livin g in S t. Louis, but would rath er be in the country somewhere tending a large garden and chickens and turkeys etc While married, we liv ed on 11 acres and now Spring i s very hard since l ’ have such an urge to get my hands in Che d ir t. I teach adults in a vocat ion al training school, recently broke up wuh a lover of nearly three years duration, have been a Mormon mis sionary in B razil, fathered s ix children, am a country boy a t heart, but also lik e the amenities of c ity liv in g , concerts, movies. Is there anyone who lik e s to cuddle in front of a fir e , liste n in g to good music, and share so u ls? I enjoy corresponding and w ill answer a l l le t t e r s , esp ecially those with photos. Vue to a pending in h eri tance, I may be able to relocate any where m the country. Most of a l l , J aish to find a life-m ate to sh are’ the joys and problems of liv in g . Ho games no trip s, ju s t honesty and coring/ sharing. Are you into th at also ? V a v id C . M a r t i n

PO Box 5162 S t. Louis, MO 63139

M i d w e s t M e n 's f e s t i v a l c ( 0 Daniel f o r r e s t

605 £

9 2 nd S t 0 2

K a n s a s C i t y , MO. b 9 l 10 ( R i b ) 753-6065 or (R ib )

931-9596

f i f t h Annual M i d w e s t M e n 's f e s t i v a l August

thru IR,

/966

A TWELVE DAY RETREAT at Lak e o f th e O z a r k s S t a t e Park, M iss o u ri

WANTED:

Gentlemen ■ I need your kelp.

I'm 38 (/ear5 old, 5 i 0" t a l l , 190 lb s. btuom hair 6 beard, blue eyes, and Hoe on a dairy farm In south central Missouri. I'v e read and heard about so many people toko move to the country and then don't lik e it--th ey have no idea tohat they are getting in to. However, I would tik e to o ffe r room and board in exchange for help with farm chores. Anyone toho i s thinking about moving to a farm w ill find out about the re a lity of that existence here. I liv e alone and can accept help u n til l a t e November 196b. NO DRUGS OR ALCOHOL ALLOWED. Sincerely, Carl D. Tate Rt. 3, Box 191 Mountain Grove, MO 657 11

Dear RED Readers 7 liv e in the Ozark,s and am in te r ested in a countAy lif e s t y l e : garden ing, bees, wood heat, tre e s, pAivacy, quiet, and sim p licity . I enjoy the. outdoors and am out as much as possible, gardening, jogging, canoe ing, walking, photographing, or back packing. Several types of music appeal to me, including contemporary jazz , B ritish Isle s folkmusic, reggae, soul, and c la s s ic a l gu itar. 7 am active in environmental groups,

'raise dogs, and am open with friends about my sex u ality (but do not wear "being gay" on my sle e v e ). 7 am t a l l , in my th ir t ie s , and consider myself to be masculine.. 7 enjoy sharing summer thunderstorms under a tin roO|$, the smell of wild onion 'in the Spring, a walk on a w i n d s w e p t snowy h ill in Winter, and the beauty of death and change in Autumn with friends. 7 would enjoy hearing from some men who share sim ilar in te r e sts, who value friends, honesty, and themselves, who have a healthy lif e s t y l e , and who are working toward achieving some of their goals. Are you perhaps a kindred s p ir it? I 'd lik e to hear from you.

Shining Bear PO Box 661 JS Springfield, MO 65601

Bright young man, outdoor type, strong and hardy to share Wyoming mountain ranch in siJmver and \oalm- thatched hut on Mexico's only nude beach, C ipolite, [P acific Coast), winters. Must be w illing to do more than half of the necessary survival work, a ssistin g an older man. Must be lite r a te and educated, i f p o ssib le --in te lle c tu a l leanings would help. Sense of humor i s a must. NO boozers, NO drugs! absolutely none! Spanish speaking i s helpful. Send resume 6 photo 6 questions: Roger Rogers Box 13, Rte. 2 West Point., Nebr. 66766

tobacco and am not a drug or alcohol abuser, although I'm not a proh ibit io n ist, either. 7 enjoy good timesI p artie s, as well as quiet times. I'm a p rac tic a l id e a lis t, lib e r a l, tolerant, together--one who values common sense as well as dreams/ imagination. As for v ita l s t a t s ., 7 m 6 'T , 160#, blond h air, brown eyes, trim dark beard, in decent shape, masculine—a pretty regular guy. I'm looking for friends, kindred s p ir i t s , maybe something more. If you share a t le a s t some, of the above in te re sts/a ttrib u te s, I ’ d re a lly lik e to hear from you. Race is no concern. 7 generally find 7 re late best to those re la tiv e ly near my own age, but re a lly don’ t care to exclude anybody. Live and be well. Jim, somewhere in the southeast e/o rfd

♦

BLACKSMITH APPRENTICESHIP PROGRAM Colorado M etalsm ith, Lee Badger, i s now accepting applications for a oneyear apprenticeship program. Former board member of the "Rocky Mountain Smiths A ssociation ," sp ecializin g in formed and wrought metals, Lee Badger i s one of the best known smiths in Colorado. To apply-send information about you rself, your experience, and why you want to learn blacksmithing. Limited free housing. Also, ivould lik e to hear from people, in the northwest since I w ill be traveling there in August. Write: Lee Badger Blacksmith Apprenticeship Program PC Box 4762 Denver, CO 60204 ♦

Dear RFDers: I'm a 31 year old GWM, currently l i v ing in Colorado [as of spring ’ 86), but planning to return to the south east (Tennessee native) th is summer a fte r finishing my Ph.D.--probably East Tennessee, West/Central North Carolina or Central Alabama. I 'd lik e to correspond with others, esp ecially in the southeast, who share my in te r e sts, concerns, etc. I ’m an ecological "Whole Earth" type ioho -i in terested in Eastern ph ilo sophy/nature mysticism, a musician who loves almost, any kind of music (csp. folk, old-timey, rock), a writer a voracious reader, and sometime college teacher. I grew up on a farm, and look forivurd to liv in g in the country again soon. I love hiking, camping, canoeing, swimming, and generally being outdoors fesp ecially near mountains or water). I'm health conscious, non-promtscuous, gentle, humorous, I don’ t smoke

HELLO RFDers! I'm a 29 year old going through a very exciting and long overdue tran sitio n . After trav ellin g through the west and mid-western LIS in the 7 0 s', 7 se ttle d here in Tucson, Al, where. my values and p r io r itie s changed for the. p o sitiv e . I'd lik e to share my l i f e with sememe near my own age. My lik e s : quiet times, good food, romance, eloquent conversation, the a r t s , warm weather, monogamy. My d is lik e s : hard drugs, materialism, extrem ists. I'm S i 1", ISO l b s .. brown hair with some grey throughout,green eyes and people have said I'm good looking. (All th is sounds so c lin ic a l beac.use I re a lly don't know how e lse to get ■ the prelim inaries a c ro ss .) 7 hope th ere's someone out there who m a ts to communicate, hopefully me.et and share. There i s plenty of time for me to answer a l l r e p lie s .

Love, Patrick PO Box 41094 Tucson. AZ 83717

.bulletin ECOLOGY - EARTH RELIGION - TAO o f f i c i a l p u blication of E .L .F . P . 0 . Box 1082, Bloomington, IN 47402 - 5 5 /4 i s s u e s - i n c l u d e s 25 word o r l e s s l i s t i n g o f any p r o d u c t / s e r v l c e s you may o f f e r CONTAX, PROJEX, EVENTS, Jc more PSI-LINKS, C U S S E S , FESTIVALS!

Greetings RFP:

Peat Brothers:

The weather here. in Tucson's great, hut i s there anyone out theAe who wants a relation sh ip, and not ju s t a one-night stand? I've only been out with 4 gays before--only two of, them wcae tong tastin g relatio n sh ip s. This whole thing i s new to me, but I'd tik e to meet some mote guys. I ' m 18 yeaAA o l d , t a i l b lo n d a n d h ave b lu e e y e s . M y tu A n -o n s aAe s in c e A e b e a A d te s s guys unde A 3 0 . Guys oveA 30 have been bad tu c k f o r me. V v e been to a g a y ban t w i c e , a nd b o th tim e s a number o f o td e A men t r i e d p i c k in g me u p - - a n d j u s t w o u l d n 't g i v e u p . The youngen gu ys th e r ew er e p u s h y , b u t n o t m a n l y as much as th e o td e A b e a rd e d o n e s . T am lo o k in g f o r a d e s c e n t g u y w i t h f e e l i n g s who t h in k s with h is h e a d mote th a n w i t h h is p e n i s . D o n ' t g e t me wAong th o u g h , I t h i n k sex i s gA e a t - - i f i t ' s s a f e - s e x a n d w i t h someone 1 can r e s p e c t . P le a s e w r i t e ( a n d s en d a p i c t u r e i f p o s s i b l e ) to :

Chip Pe.met.ee 8963 /93 E. Tanque Verde *123 Tucson, AZ 85749

There is in C alifornia a beautiful ranch five miles in from the Pacific and th irty five miles south of the c ity of San Francisco, The land Is rollin g h i ll s , meadows and pastureland, Oafc woods, Redwood Fores t and creek bottom basking in the Calxf. -ian above the ocean. This serene and private place needs a co-steward to share the labors of tending a tree farm and other productive ag ricu ltu r a l pu rsu its, and to share the joy of livin g well in a home with swimming pool, hot tub and sauna. There i s also a C alifornian, the steward of th is sanctuary, who needs a companion. He is a t a l l blond Viking with diverse in te re sts, among them: traveling the world, collecting a r t, celebrating the theater, opera, batle-t, symphony, mctseums and g a lle r ie s , gardening, cooking, nude sun bathing and swimming, reading, firep laces, a l l wild creatures 6 birds, maiiage and attendant pleasures. His companion should share many of these pleasures and be in telligent, and vigorous in body, mind and personality. Those RFV'ers searching for such a congenial situ atio n , I urge to introduce themselves. Peace Ed Box 620250 Woodside, CA 94062

♦

Hi: My name i s Bob. I'm 26 and liv in g in Los A ngetes. LA is a good c ity . But I ' l l t e l l you I'm not used to seeing the cut I ’m breathing! 1 sing in Hollywood, and I ’m stan ting to adjust to this crazy lif e s t y l e . But I ’m s t i l l a country boy a t keoAt. I don't mind hand woAk, but I know when to relax. I tike meeting people who are in touch with themselves. I'm not a hippie, but a to t can be said for love, peace, and inner tran q u ility . Long hair and beards are turn-ons, but I'm more in terested in just, making friends. I lik e amusement parks, music, hiking, platting cards, and doing nothing. I 'd tike to meet you. I ’ d also like hearing fAom those not so close to LA

Please send a te tte r and snapshot to: Bob Wright

680 S. C atalina S t. * 11 Los Angeles, CA 90005

I'm a GAY EXTRATERRESTRIAL from a gold ray planet, now serving my l a s t incarnation on Earth. I ’m a ttra c tiv e , GWM, 37 earth years, 6’ , 170*, moustache, (3 t e s t i c l e s ! ) , healthy, sensual, inarm, good hearted, creative s p ir i t , and transpersonal healer. Seeking a sim ilar type humanoid, with highly evolved consciousness and m ulti dimensional p erson ality , for com municating on ALL le v e ls. Interplanetary v is ito r s welcome. Let's go into o rb it together! Photo/letter/ phone. Please "c a ll home". Kosnuc K isses, ENO Box 640444 San Francisco, CA 94164

♦ Hi Guy's:

Pre-1950 Movie Posters, Movie Ads,

1 'm hoping th is te tte r w ill put me in contact with some country men. who are considering buying land or who have land and need another person to share time, energy, money, and the enjoyment of country l i f e .

BaAAij

Box 8021

North Hollywood, CA 91608

I'm not looking for th at one man, but I'm not NOT looking eith er. What w ill be, w ill be. Some years ago I had 40 acres in south Oregon and know the work i t takes to maintain a country l if e s t y l e . I Sold my land and took to trav elin g, spent some 7 years to go around the world twice. Settlin g -in Hawaii for a few years and now am in C alifornia. My in te re sts are many. I enjoy kissing very much, I love the ocean, beaches, p la n ts, t r e e s , mountains, animals , lo ts of hugs, touching too. Sioap meets are good fun. Old caws are beau tifu l. I enjoy food and cooking, night skys are magic and so i s making sweet sweet love. I am a masculine man and sexually turn on to the same and love giving or receiving in any pleasures my Man may want or need (s a f e ly ). I aim to please a l l night long and or a l l winter long.

Hugs to A ll: Jon (C alifo rn ia ) c/o RFP

PS-Would also lik e to hear from anyone in terested in traveling through Central America.

NURTURING NEWS A Guarterly Forum For Nurturing Men “One of the most vital sources of both informa tion and substantive per spectives for anyone con cerned with men's chang ing roles. ” Or. Joseph H. Pleck W ellesley C o lle g e C enter tor R e se a rc h on Women

Wanted •• Movie Sheet Music, Movie Magazines.

I'm a 37 year old man, 5 '9 ", 155 lb s, average looks, blue eyes, lig h t hair, who loves being happy, healthy and gay. I'm self-employed and work only 5-6 months a year. The r e s t of the time I spend trav elin g, often the winter months, but with the righ t man I love long winter naps.

OK, men, get those cards and le tte r s o ff soon. Your photo gets mine.

Peat Starbrothers:

♦

I ’m esp ecially in terested in Alaska or Central America. I know th at is some contrast (I'm very v e rsa tile ) and would lik e to hear from a l l country men anywhere in the WORLV.

1985 Subscription $15.00 24 pages per issue. 187 Caselli Avenue #A San Francisco, CA 94114 415-861-0847 David L. Gtveans, Editor

Next January, I w ill be staying several months in western New Mexico (around S ilv e r C ity) and eastern Arizona. I'd lik e to make contact with gay men in that area ih p ossible. Happy summertime.

GWM, 36, farmer

acto n , and t h e a t r e b u i t , 60 e k in g tn ie n d A i n N o r th e r n C d li h o r n i a ; p e n p a ls and e s p e c i a l l y someone w i t h whom to wake a lo n g te rm com m itm ent. T wonk W ith the. d e v e lo p m e n t a lly d i s a b l e d a nd am norm and c o m p a s s io n a te . I t o o k fon w and t o h e a n in g

(,nom y o u .

Joseph Vune (Calihornia) c/o RFV

♦ Single Gentleman seeking a place to

s e t t l e . Works, don't smoke or drink. Not a hippie. A clean re lia b le person. Looking far a rural setting-mountain area. Like gardening, yard work, working on a small acreage farm, fash ing chickens, a hew cows, etc. Am a good cook and baker, also a good housekeeper. Also, a very good "bottom" ifar the righ t man.

Vean F n ie n d A :

I’m n o t u s e d t o pneAe n t in g m y s e lh t o anontjmouA neadenA t i k e t h i s , b u t i icant t o make c o n t a c t w i t h b r o t h e r s who m ig h t one. d a g become a c h e r is h e d in te n d on c o m p a n io n . I

i i o e on a hom eA tead i n a r u r a l a n e a oh n o n th e n n C a l i h o r n i a n ean t h e red w oods and o c e a n . A lth o u g h t h e r e i s a g a g com m unity a n d an in h o r m a l n e tw o rk oh c o m m u n ic a tio n (5on i t , mang gags hene one c o u p le d on l i v e i n s o l i t a n g S e c lu A io n t i k e m y s e lh - I'm n o t a h e rm it., h o w e v e r, s in c e th e n e . one s i x le s b ia n women l i v i n g A c a t t e n e d oven t h is 140 a c n e s a n c t u a r y . We l i v e s e p a r a t e ly bat ven g c o o p e r a t i v e l y . I wonk a t a n e A o n t i n n 15 m ite s away w h ic h p n o v id e s me w i t h some i n t e r r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h m a in s tre a m c u l t u r e .

Vue to mg lim ited exposure to other single gag men (excuse the double entendre), I spend a l o t oh mg hnee time atone, ohten craving mate com panionship and intimacy. I ’ d lik e to correspond and meet with those who have sim ilar in te re sts to mg own. I'm 34 gears old, brown hair, blue eyes,

170 lb s, 6 '3 ” , P isces, non-aggressive masculine with androgynous a ttitu d e s. I ride a motorcycle. I lik e to nun, bicycle, swim, hike, ride horses, play racquetbatt. I'm eclectic and not fanatic about anything. I enjoy gardening, massage, tra v e l, cooking creatively, reading (h isto ric a l novels, Tom Robbins, Rita Mae Brown, gag lite ra tu re , m ysteries, s c i - f a ) , most kinds oh music (esp ecially Andreas Vottenwelden), good movies, dancing, romantic escapades, maintaining the homestead. I encourage open com munication and value honesty and in teg rity as cardinal v irtu es. I especially lik e men who are masculine and d ire ct. I t helps compensate fan my shyness. L et's be faien d s!

Traveler with 27 trip s around the sun, NOT "straigh t-actin g or appearing" (whew!) sends his love to you.. . . Laughing Beaver (Washington) c/o RFV

Kende l l Rhodes PO Box 974 Redway, CA 95560

Hi:

Vear Ones-

Would be nice to be around Oklahoma/ New Mexico but any place i s OK except close to a riv e r where i t h i°°d s. I w ill do my part and tik es a man who appreciates a good home cooked meal and-quiet surroundings. No drunks please.

Ron 1734 NE Halsey Portland, OR 97232 ♦

Looking fa’*- Man-Friday: Tm a successhul prohessional, well educated and with strong career p oten tial. 7 have diverse in te re sts and long term goals oh settin g up a cooperative agriculture/business venture in rural P ad hie Northwest. I'm binding T need an asso ciate to help attain these g o a ls. Ideally th is person toould grow with me as a hriend and a ssis ta n t to become a lover and partner. I ’m 40, medium build, 5'10", brown/ blue, a ttra c tiv e . I have an easy going, idly personality, good sense 0(5 humor, strong sense oh resp o n sib ility and loy alty , and a strong in te re st in w riting.

Looking far someone to liv e with and work with. No s p e d a l physical c r ite r ia . Main in te re st is in some one with a good personality and an in te re st in building his /uture. Good opportunity far student or w riter or a harmboy a t heart. 7h, in terested , please send a photo with a le tte r te llin g me about yourselh, your lih e , and your dreams.

Ken PO Box 12126 S e a ttle WA 98111

FoXlovo RFV&uTm in terested in horming a national network oh gay and lesbian cooper ativ es and developing a system oh communication among them. This network would include operating agricu ltu ral coops, homestead coops, urban coops, business coops, retirement coops and recreational, coops--and others. I know many oh us have established cooperatives on our own but I do not believe there is an adequate system hor communicating successes and hailures to each other and hor t e l ling our brothers and s is t e r s where we are ih they wart to join us.

RFV seems an id eal vehicle h°r com munication. 7 am in terested in serving as a coordinator hor such communicat ion and writing a regular column in RFV on how to farm cooperatives, "do1s and don'ts, le g al and hinancial considerations, potential management p it h alls, reasons tfar Success, reasons hor hailure. lh you are in terested in seeing such a network established, ih you're in terested in becoming a member oh a cooperative, ih you have a story to t e l l regarding your involvement, with a cooperative, or ih you'd lik e others to learn about your cooperative, please contact me. My goal is to cuss i s t in providing a means oh livin g together, working together, growing together, laughing together, and caring h0>1 wc(i other. Together we can. Happy T r a ils , Kud (Washington) c/o RFV

O lympic mountain ranch 123 acres located in the Olympic foot hills. End of country road. Some timber and some pasture. Fantastic location for retreat. Creek supplies water. UNITED OLYMPIC REALTY, INC. 701 East Front Street Port Angeles, WA 98362 ATTN: Darrell M. Vincent, Broker (206) 457-0456, or (206) 457-3213

Greetings Fellow Faeries:

--- C O NT AC T ifT-rrRS---

Dear Mail of My Dreams: ■Masculine, monogamous, mature (30s), mountain man, 3'10", 130 pounds,

blue/green eyes, dark curly hair, bearded, hairy chest, love a l l sorts of outdoor a c t iv it ie s , love making and liste n in g to music, good healthy /cods, not into drugs or kinky s tu ff, dominant type personality--seeks the following : masculine, monogamous male, 20-30+/- years c(j age, good physical condition, dark hair, hairy chest, drug free, around 3'6" t a ll, must love rural country livin g and the outdoors, i have stated my id eal, but I realize the man of my dreams may not / it a ll the above. Lets write and ■ let to know one another. Your photo ;lets mine. Take a chance--nothing ven tured, not lung gained. Washington Mountain Man c/o RFD

Dearest Faerie brothers and S is te r s :

Wouldn't you ju s t LOVE to liv e in a place where, you can sweat your ass off on 100i -plus day, hot summer days and freeze your toes and noses a t 40° belowes with three-feet-of-snowes in the winter ? To liv e in one o the most economicolly-depres sed-and-getting-worse counties in Washington S ta te ? To liv e "out in the boonies", "in the middle-of-nowhere", with a mu'e-and-a-halt long "driveway" with such a steep, rocky grade that you can barely drive up thru the summer's "moon-dust" and can hardly walk up in winter snow!? To forgo the ”conveniencles" lik e e le c t r ic it y , running water, telephones, or neighbors - t o - c a tl -in - an -emergency? And certain ly to have MO gay community around, wi th lo ts c j folks who 'd gladly burn you for being Queer, le t atone a "sm elly-hippie-type” , and esp ecially a Witch!!?? Then, l e t me teJU you brothers and s i s t e r s . . . the Okanogan Valley High lands are for YOU! !! Don't ask us how we got h ere.. .w e'U ju s t say "the LancTtold us to come." Don; t ask us why we're here. . .w e'll ju s t say i t ’ s part of our " s p i r i t ual p ath ." And Please don't ask to come v i s i t or liv e here with u s .. . w e 'll think you’ re' as crazy as we are! (but we’ l l send you a map, and to ts of love!) Mamaste, and Blessed Be Steve Welts (a .k .a . Water Shade) Cedar Acosta % Wolf Vance Farm 611-V Lemanasky Rd. Tonasket, WA 98i55

This is a c a ll to any and a l l of you who may be looking to relocate-verhaps from a m egalopolis, to a smaller c ity and/or more ru ral area and might be attracted to the scenic P acific Northwest. I am writing to you from Spokane, Washington--the beautiful Lilac City, Queen of the Inland Empire. There e x ists here a small- band of us faeries--th e Kwelule 7iu.be (butterfly cn the lo cal Indian tongue. ) Some of uS are regulars a t the Brelthenbush and other NW faerie gath erings. And we would very■ much lik e more of that sp ecial faerie energy to take root here--for mutual support and play and love. Not having had great success recruiting amongst the local gay populace--we wish to a ttr a c t faeries from anear and afa r to come v i s i t and explore--and hopefully become as fond of this wonderful lo cale , as we are! Spokane Is a c ity of 113,000 brothers and s is t e r s (350,000 in the greater are a )--astrid e the f a lls of the Spokane River. I t i s the la rg e st city in a hugh chunk of te rrito ry , includ ing p arts of Canada--in fac t the most Iso lated metro area over h m illion population in the continental USA. I t Is beau tifu lly situ ated ju s t into the evergreen forests where the mountains and prarie meet. Within a days drive, or l e s s , l ie s some of the most spec tacular wilderness in North America. The Selkirk and Purcell Mountains tumble down out of Canada Into NE Washington and northern Idaho, the Canadian and Montana Rockies are nearby, G lacier Nat’ l Park, H ell's Canyon and much, much more. Fresh water lakes and riv e rs abound. A true paradise for us nature faeries ! The environmental q u ality of l i f e i s , for the most p art, quite high. We enjoy lo ts of weather—a fu ll and varied four seasons. Sort of a milder version of Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota-ish clim ate, with shorter winters and d rier summers. Spokane i t s e l f Is neither a cu ltural mecca or wasteland. Events of in te re st do occur with some re g u la rity . I t has most a l l the conveniences of "modern life "--w ith perhaps fever of the hassles than many c i t i e s . Good rural land in the Surrounding areas can be had for well under $1,000 per acre--esp ecially for the larg e r pieces. The lo c a l economy i s some what depressed. (Is it. actu ally good antjivhere,?) So jobs can be a problem but are to be found with patience. If your cu rio sity has been aroused, do write and fe e l most welcome to journey here th is Summer! A place to stay w ill be offered, alongwlth a fe rie guide or two or three. We long for more faerie s p i r i t in our quiet l i t t l e corner of our wondrous Mother Earth! Blessed Be Robert of Kwelule Tribe PO Box 178 Spokane, WA 99201 72

Man, 4 0 's, would lik e to hear from others. Am amiable. I do paintings and try and s e l l them. Anyone in terested , w rite: GARRYPLUS 32 Richmond S t Chatham, Ontario N7M ln6 Canada

♦ Dear Friends: I am in terested in contacting a B/W

GM, between 30-50 years, 5'10" to 6’ ,

masculine, sport enthusiast, and healthy. NO Drugs-Alcohol-Cigs.

I am German, 36 years old, approx. 5'11" high, SO kgs ( ISOlbs) masculine,

sport enthusiast, calm, healthy.

I am in terested in sp o rts, music, cars, a ir c r a ft, correspondence, holiday(vacation)-exchanges, any Gay G .I.s of NUE-barracks very welcome! Any serious-minded le tte r with personal photo gets mine. Yours Sincerely, Bernd Baumann D-S530 Nurnberg 60 Greuther S tr\ 10 W. Germany

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Maui's gay/bi/lesbian community organisation's monthly newsletter available for S5, or more, in eludes I 2 monthly issues mailed in plain enevelopes Mailing list kept strictly confidential Send check or money order to Both Sides Now, PO Box 5042. Kahului, Maui. H I 96732 N A M F . --------------------------

ADDRESS

A big, bearded English bear livin g in

Hey Men: GsieeXing6 to RFD readers {,-n.om the jungles oh Central America. Mg name is David and I ’m a |gasmen, here in Belize Central America. My principal crop i s cocoa. Am also toying to goow c itru s, banannas, and pineapple. Have been in fiaAhion down heoe a l l thiA time, (HOMESTEADING) and d id n 't oealize i t . Have developed up to a poweo plant and ounning water but s t i l l have a wayA to go to be modeon. MoAtiy I have time on my handA and would lik e to woite to other men who have sim ilar inteoeAtA oo questions about ouoal liv in g . I'm 42, weigh 1SO lb s, S’ 8" t a l l , blue eyeA and boown hair and beaod. Some body haio but no Teddy beao. My inteoeAtA aoe wide and vaoied. 0/ couOAe plantA play a A p e d a l paot in my lific. C ollect oochidA th at goow wild in theAe jungle A . Cave exploring, Aeaoching hor Maya a r t i h arts, Acuba diving, Aecond longeAt baooieo reeh in the woold, hooAe backriding and camping out. FiAking and long walkA. ClaAAical to countoy music, good hood, maAAage, Aa(,e Aex, convocation, listen in g, oeading, esp ecially books dealing with metaphysics. So anyone in teoested in meeting a man who has his h ^d on the goound and his eyeA on the settin g sun, doop me a lin e. Will answeo all.. Preher men oveo 30. At my age I don't have the time to teach the young ones a l l they need to know. David M . Downaod P0 Box 736

Belmopan, Belize Central AmeAica

Hi TheAe: Read the a o tic le on RFD in In Touch and had to tAy & make contact I am a Security Guaod and wook a lo t °h nights--so have plenty oh time to write le tte r s . H anyone would lik e to exchange, le tte rs with th is B ritish SecuAity Guard, I m old be delighted to oblidge. J am SO, S' 10", ISO lb s, play tennis, badminton, love dogs, crazy about the oountAysi.de, MOT crazy about the city sce.ne--Know what I mean? Sincerely, Brian ButleA 22 Crantock Drive Heahd Green, Cheadir SK8 3E2 Lancaster, England

Lancashire [200 miles north oh London) would love to correspond with any American men w illing to w rite. I ’m 25, have blue eyes and lig h t brown hair, am S' 11" t a l l , quite h irsute, and hrequently escape hrom Man chester city to the surrounding mountains which provide some oh the most dramatic scenery and exhilerating walks in England. My in te re sts include cycling, w eight-training, walking, camping (in te n ts), practie.al geology and archaeology, playing and listen in g to music, ancient h istory, reading and writing poetry and hietion. I love re a l people, bood hood, good wine, re a l a le -(I brew my own)- a rts oh any kind and hope some day to v i s i t the United S tate s and meet sim ilarly minded people there. I ’m unemployed and w ill return to university next year to study ’’human i t i e s " and "cu ltu ral anthropology". I must admit, I have a penchant h°* dark muscular, mOLiStached men... [But then, who d oesn 't?!) and w ill be th rille d ih any such guys respond. But I also want, very much, and by no means le s s , to hear hrom sincere, hriendly Americans who think we may have enough in common to keep a healthy correspondence/hriendship going. My name's Mike, by the way, and ih you w rite, I ' l l gladly send a photo in return t{or yours. Please Do!

Hi, Folks • I’m 21, GWM, brown hair and eyes. I'm a quiet person who does not go to gay bars, reads a lo t and stays apart hrom many th in gs. My hobbies include cinema, music, swimming, theater, photography, trav e l by train , c o l lecting postcards, and, oh course, making new hriends through the mail. What else, do I lik e ? Let me s e e ... sex, I lik e sex very much. I re a lly don't know what else to t e l l about myselh, so ih you choose to write to me, I ' l l ju s t wait and l e t you ask whatever questions you may want answered. I think the world could be more beautihul, better and lovely ih we have hriends to share id eas, plans and, most importantli/, PHYSICAL COMFORT.

Please ({eei ((Awe to share with me. I enjoy talk about any su b jects; throm the weather to sex (although the la t t e r is ohten more in te r e s tin g !). I'm looking h°A hriends and pen p ats. Please write wherever, whoever, what ever you are. Sincerely, Pedro Vieira Araujo Caixa Postal 8S4 60001 Fortaleza, Ceara

Love and Hugs Mike (England) c/o RFD

♦

Hello to a l l RFD Brothers This i s the Phillippines Calling:

Hi: I'm 22 ye.ars old, blue eyes, brown hair, S’ 9", into music, th eatre, cinema, the country, Aivimming and horse trecking and town-lihe.

Yours hasthhulty Peter Sweet 32, EWE Close Market Estate, North Road London, Ml, One England

♦ Dear RFD readers • I am a gay Asian male liv in g on the Caribbean islan d oh S t. Maarten. I'm 21 years old, S '6" t a l l , 737 lb s. I'm in terested in hearing h^om goodlooking guys jhrom anywhere, prehereably ages 18-35 to correspond with, become hriends, and p ossib ly lovers. I'm esp ecially in terested in blondes. Please, no ha-ts, htms, or drugs. Write with your photo to: Haresh M oorjani c/o PC Box 105 S t. Maarten Netherlands A ntilles

I've just hound RFD; nothing like it exists here in the Phillippines.

I would appreciate very much ih you could consider myselh port oh your "homily" because I am so much inter ested in corresponding with some oh our brothers . I am 21 years old, with black eyes 6 hair, tan complexion, 5’ 5" t a l l , slim , clean shaven and in the. clo se t. 1 work as an accounting clerk here in Manila. 1 would tik e to hear hrom guys who are between 30-50, honest ajid sincere. I enjoy the company oh mature people. 1 like music, esp ecially Jazz 6 hoik songs. 1 also lik e movies, tool king, tra v e l ing. 1 d islik e smoking, drinking i 1 hate drugs 6 bars. I wish to hear hrom people who are honest and sincere as 1 mentioned 8 I'm looking horward to estab lish a good relationsh ip and possibly become lovers. Send le tte r s S photo(even briehs or swimwear) to Reynaldo R. Santos 2090 Retiro S t. Sampaloc Manila, Phillippines

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Mail all correspondence (advertising, subscriptions, business, submissions, feature-related material, or letters) to: RFD, Rt. 1 Box 127-1, Bakersville, NC 28705. Contributors and editors can be reached through this address as well. We welcome advertising - especially from gay-owned enterprises. for our Ad Rate Card.

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Sample copies (current issue when available) are $4.25 (post-paid). Back ’ssues are S3.50 unless they are over 12 months old. Anything older than that is Si.00 each (except those issues we are out of: #s 1, 2, 4, 5 S 32). Please add postage at Si.00 for each five issues or any portion therof. r*FD itself is not copyrighted. However, each accredited contribution pub lished (photo, drawing, or written material) remains the property of those contributors, and nothing of theirs may be reused in whole or part without their permission. Contributors can be reached through RFD. Any non-credited mater ial may be republished freely. Mention of source would be appreciated. Due dates for submissions to receive full consideration are: Fall 1986 Issue #48 Feature: Wiggensnatch Aug. 1, 1986 Winter 1986/7 Issue #49 Feature: "Communities" Nov. 1, 1986 Spring 1987 Issue #50 Feature: open Feb. 1, 1986 Some material can be used if received after these dates, so try anyway. Issues are mailed around the Solstices and Equinoxes, and second class mail can take up to three or four weeks for delivery. If you don’t receive your issue within a month of the publishing dates, please check with us. The num ber of your last issue is on your mailing label. If you move, please let us know as second class mai 1 ings are notforwarded by the P0; they destroy them, and it costs us about *3 to mail out another copy. We publish the names of all contributors, but other than for the contact letters, we generally do not include the addresses. All contributors can be reached through RFD. We will NOT give out the names of subscribers (except where specified by them) to anyone, but we will forward mail to them through this address. Dlease share your knowledge and vision through RFD. This is a reader written journal, so it is YOUR forum. It helps if you can type (double space) your written material, but please do send in your gems even if they are "rough". RFD prefers to wield the editor's pencil lightly, so please send in your sub missions pretty much as you would have them appear. We generally do correct spellings and minor punctuations, so please indicate any intentional varia tions from standard English. Photos: Black and white photos reproduce better than color. If possible, send us an expendable print. If you wish to send us a treasured photo which is the only copy, please indicate this so we can take care of it. We can't use negatives. Drawings: Again, black and white reproduces better than color. Pencil draw ings should be as dark and of as high a contrast as possible. Yellow #2 pencil washes out easily; blues do not print at all. Occasionally, part of a drawing or photo, or collage of various artists will work well with an article. Please indicate if you wish your artwork to be printed in its entirety only, or if there are any other considerations you wish us to respect. We try to report as soon as possible on selections, hut we sometimes hold material for another issue, and it may be some time before the final decision is made. Please bear with us. You might want to set. an expiration date so we'll know how much time we will have. A self-addressed, stamped envelope will insure the return of your originals. Multiple submissions are fine with us. RrD will send contributors two copies of the issue in which their work appears as payment.