RFD Issue 87 Fall 1996 by RFD Magazine Gay

Danny

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The Postal* Service is honoring RFD with a postage stamp, out this summer. The man pictured on the commemorative stamp, which is reproduced above, is our own Kitchen Queen and so much more, Buddy May, who celebrates ten years as a regular RFD contributor with this issue. We join the post office in saluting Buddy May for ten years of Really Fine Dishes. As a challenge to habitual imagery, this was supposed to be the ‘‘dickless'’ RFD. Well, we find our selves in a state of virtual dicklessness. First we realized that some o f our paid ads had dicks in them, and what were we going to do, censor them? Then some of our layouts turned out to contain dicks, and what were we going to do, censor them? Flow many penises? Count ’em and let us know, ifyou care to fetishize banished images. And enjoy the rest of the magazine, which is Relatively Free o f Dicks. We count on you, our readers, for submissions. Send us your words, photos and artwork. Upcoming themes are New Clear Families in the Winter, fiction and photography for Spring, and the Summer issue will be devoted to the fey arts. These themes can go whereveryou can take them. Ifyou take them anywhere, please be sure to send us something. Information on these themes and submission deadlines can be found on page #80, where you can Read For Details. RFD Press, our periodic book-publishing alias, is coming out this summer with a book o f the pho tographs of freouent RFD contributor Mark I. Chester, Diaiy o f a Thought Criminal. One o f Mark’s photos, uncharacteristically dickless, can be found on the inside back cover o f the magazine, and ordering information can be found there. Exciting, isn’t it, that we are Reproducing Fotographic Documents. H e y /a ll, if any ofyo u know of any o f our faerieieieieie. contact info that is incorrect or just in need o f a little updating, please let us know. We hope we can be useful as a resource, that’s why were Revising Faerie Data Oh yeah, and this is the Drug issue. We received a lot o f submissions on the subject, from a wide variety of perspectives. We hope you w ill find stim ulation in the diversity o f our readerAvritership, from the strongly anti-drug to the Reefer-Fried Divas.

Vol. XXIII No. I Issue: 87 RFD is a reader-written journal for gay men which focuses on country living and encourages alternative life-styles Articles often explores the building of a sense of community, radical faerie consciousness, caring for the environment, as well as shar ing gay men’s experiences. Editorial responsibility is shared between the Department Editors and the Managing Editors. The business and general production is centered at Short Mt. Sanctuary in rural Middle Tennessee. Features are often prepared in various places by dif ferent groups RFD (ISSN# 0149-709X) is pub lished quarterly for $20 per year by Short Mt. Collective, Rt 1, Box 84A, Liberty, TN 37095. Second Class postage is paid at Liberty, TN and additional mail ing offices. Postmaster: Send address changes to RFD, P.O. Box 68, Liberty, TN 37095. ISSN # 0149-709X USPS # 073-010-00 Non-profit tax exempt status under #23-7199134 as a function of Gay Community Social Services Seattle, Washington. Member: CLMP (Council of Literary Magazines & Presses) IGLA (Int’l Gay & Lesbian Assoc.) I ndexed by

BBB/PEN PALS: ILL GIAI/t, TN GARDENING: (iKi LNILLNS, TN LICTION: IAN LAI IING LONG. OR POL TRY: TOM SLIDNLR.NI SPIRITUALITY: VAI M COX. NM

ABOUT THE COVER I’m Stevee Postman, a digital artist from San Erancisco. I Ke Images on tke front and kack cover are from a tarot deck tkat is one of my current projects. On tke front cover is a version of tke Sun card & on tke kack cover is tke Her mit card. T ke project is in process and will kopefully ke finisked in a year or so. Contact me if you like for info akout prints and to get on my mailing list. 158 Beulak sf ca 94117 v-mail 4 1 5 .9 0 5 .9 3 9 3 e-mail stevee23(2 sirius.com 2

Alternative Press Index P.O. Box 33109 Baltimore, MD 21218 RFD Cover Price has increased to$6.50. A regular subscriptions the least expensive way to receive it 4 times a year!

Inside Front Cover: Inside Back Cover:

ARTIClfS •Summer. When the Assholes..............19 •Censorship (graphic) 59.......... \XLZ

Anno Mouse------------40 Antler ------------------- 22 Arlcn Ray l a/aroff----------20 Bud Stone—..............30-34 May ......... ........10 Buddy ------------------- 53-54 Buffy Caeriel Z ie.................... 42-43 Charles Gllllspie----------27 Christopher Thomas............. 21 Chuck Dodson----------2.29 Dancing Mane------------- 12-13 19 Dano Daryl Stanforth— ...... 19. 23. 68 Dennis F.. Kast-------------- 21 [>onnie Hudson----------51 Faygde 46-49 Frank E. Grant------------- 59 Frederick Davis......22 Cummins---------25 Gauge Goatboy 62 Herb Kmd-------------- 30-34 ------------------- 55 Horse |azz .......... ............... 59 leskc............. —50 1. lohn Bissell-.............29 lobn David Grayson----------22 lohnnle Warren...............56 Ionas ------------------- 28. 52 ------------------ 4 lulian Keer Shananda--------41 Keith Gemerek............74 Kevin G. Carney...... ........16-17 Khrysso Faggner............. 57-58 Lavender D. Bird-------------- 29-37 Lee lawrence............14-15 Lone Wolf-------------- 22 Mark Skinner...............66 Michael Lonella----------- 21 Mish ------------------- 61 Moonhawk ------------------- 16-17 Nathan Kelly-------------- 44-45. 51 Norm ------------------- II, 27. 52. 63 Peter Baker------------- 8-9 Phil Woodward-...... -63 Phoenix Ne'ermor...........-26-27 River ----- ------------- 20. 21. 62 Robert Milcher............. 66 Robert Shoales----------59-60 --------------------14-15 Rocky Roger Forsythe-............20 Sahahananda-------------------- 38-39 Sky ----- -------- 3 Sterling MatKensa ....... 44 45 Steven Riel.................... 57 Tad Phillips 39 Theo Angell................35 37 Tom McClain 50 SI Val Cox-........- ........64-65 Vaughn —-...... ............. 18 Harris------------ 24 25 W.C. Page-------------- 20 William

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COMIX •Norm •Watchout!

11.27.52.63 Norm 18.......... ..Carl Vaughn Frick

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CULINARY / GARDENING •Bakers Buns •Kitchen Queen • The Wild Garden

8.9........ ..Peter Baker 10.......... Buddy May 12.13..... ..Dancing Mane

DEPARTMENTS •Between The Tokes •Letters •Future Submissions •Lunar Calendar •Spirituality Beware The P Crowd Spirituality W/out God •Poetry •Book Reviews •Remembering •Fairy Archives •RFD Info

1 4. 5

II 16-17..... Moonhawk 6 4 ......... ..Val Cox 64-65 .... ..Kevin G. Carney 20-22 56-58 60-61 6 2 ......... ..Goatboy 80

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FEATURE

•Drug Rant 2 8 ......... .Jonas •Tmsted With Freedom 2 9 ......... John Bissell •Hippies. Drugs, And Children29-36...l avender Downy Bird •Cannabis Towers 30-34 .... ..Herb Kind & Bud Stone 35-37.... ..Theo Angell •The Opera 37......... ..lavender Downy Bird •The List •Magical Uses Of Drugs 38-39.... ..Sahahananda •Solstice Party 40-41.... ..Anno Mouse •Rave 40-41.... ..Keer Shananda •Drop With Me 42-43.... ..Caeriel Zie •There And Back Again 44-45.... ..Sterling MacKensa & Psychedelic Homily •DRUGS! 46-49.... ..Faygcle •Sex. Drugs. And Plagues 50-51.... ..Tom Me Clain •Chem Warfare 52.......... Jonas • How 1Got Now Here 53-54.... ..Buffy •Tikeer 55.......... Horse

FICTION •Interior Color Scheme 24-25.... ..W.C. Harris • lust O.K. 25.......... ..George Cummins •The Penitentiary Cats 26-27... ..Phoenix Ne ermor That Saved Me •The Yielding Hart Chronicle 2 7 ..... ..Charles Gllllspie

y /

/ / /

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14-15...... ..Lee Lawrence

NETWORKING •Gatherings •Fairy Contacts •Community Contact • Brothers Behind Bars •Contact Letters •Ads

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HOMESTEADING •How Friendship Works...

6 7 63 66-68 69-73 74-79

Iryffli /

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Dear RFD Your* is the finest piece of writing I read ai! year My favorite is The Body of the Mountain, by Failing something Please ask him to write a book l find his writing breathtaking. I sometimes, while daydreaming, think about his goal, or the chicken he killed, or how he describes the air or the weather. I live in the middle o f a big city and those few minutes while reading his pages I’m in the country. Thank you all again for such beautiful originality. Jon aka Dixie Pixie Salt Lake City, UT

rural walks. Of course, only those bears who do not regard touching as a mere means to an ejaculatory end are eligible and this keeps our numbers small and the group not just intimate, but spiritual as well. At roughly the same lime a Bear Belfast group was formed with the rather different agenda of being a social pub-club for the hirsute and their admirers. Irish

Dear RFD. This is in response to your reminder card saying that my subscription has not been renewed. The reason for not renewing is that your magazine has become so bizarre I was actually embarrassed to receive it thru the mail. When I started my subscription 1 wanted to read about gay people living in the country, sharing experiences,

Letters to the

D cat Fnends at RFD,

We love so much your beautiful magazine, and we learn a lot with your messages and nice pictures. You are the only magazine from USA that we receive! Our group is very poor, but very dynamic. We fight since 1980! Cordially, Luiz Mott, President Grupo Gay da Bahia Salvador, Bahia, Brasil Hey Girls! Wc love RFD, but of course! I just want to put in a vote for the broader RFD that has been developing. When 1 bought my first issue, some two years ago, there were only a few pearls in there that 1 could grab. The most recent issues have had a lot more content that I can directly identify with, and I’ve read them through cover to cover. I know some readers have had complaints about the magazine straying from its country journal roots, but 1 think this is a natural evolution, and y’all should bear with the growing pains. I vote for the “Queer Folks Everywhere” concept. One last comment - I see the letters critical of Jombi’s contributions, and hear about it from him. I think his rants and writings are a valuable facet, a really essential perspective for RFD. I look for his pieces eagerly each issue. If his stuff inspires that much feedback, it has value in that alone. I’m in his comer. Perhaps I’ll send some newer drawings along soon. Best love, Hush New York, NY

Teddybear Network, on the other hand, believes that m en’s social clubs tend strongly away from intimacy and what men (all men, not just gay men) need is intimacy and happiness with intimacy. ITN is rurally-based, with two of our members baking their own bread, growing their own vegetables, making their own yogurt and so on. We encourage any of your traveling readers to get in touch with us. Ursine embraces, Wolf (alias Anthony Weir) Irish Teddybear Network 71 Ballyculter Road Downpatrick County Down BT30 7BD Ireland

Dear Queer Brothers at RFD: As a brand new subscriber - and a very pleased one, at that - I thought I’d drop you a note concerning some of the issues raised in the spring, 1996 issue. I’ve read this issue several times, and I’ve started corresponding with some o f the guys. I have nothing against inclusiveness, but I agree with the readers who believe that you started as a publication for gay/queer men, and you should probably remain so. As for the issue of “dicklessness,” please don’t deprive many of us of seeing real, “honest-to goodness.” down-to-earth guys with their dicks showing — no glossy, pimple-assed, faggot west coast models, thanks. The photo on page 22 of this last issue was not only refreshing, it was downright hot!

‘Through the magazine, I have reconnected with vhat is truly important and life-sustaining.” Dear RFD, In the extremely closeted and emotionally crippled land of Ireland I have founded a network of transcendental teddies We are just six at present, but we do not want to expand exponentially, since our meetings are very touchy-feely weekends, with good food and wine and

It *e tthese hui!^ guys, nmic and on/1 (tz\ nis/o another It’s (to give example) guys like Randy on page 30 who give the publication its character. Keep it up! I look forward to the next issue and many more to come. Thanks. Best regards, Adam L. Brevard ma n&q ueer&naked Madison, w i G rafix; lulion

problems, etc. I wanted to read about gardening, raising animals and more. I could care less about piercing my dick or other weird things like that. I understand that everyone has a right to choose or do whatever he or she wants, but do not call your magazine a country one. There are a lot of gay and lesbian people out in the country looking for friendship, support or advice. We live our life like other straight folks. If you decide to change the format of your magazine or its intentions, I would be more than happy to renew my subscription. On the other hand if you know of a magazine that would fit what I require, please let me know. John P. Moreau Mammoth Spring, AR

Dear RFD/Scooter Pie MAHALO for so elo quently elucidating the new reality you are bringing to fruition. 1 had to read it several times to distill what resonated the most. "A dream I didn't have until ju s t n o w ...it was out real ity .. .changed th a t real ity...step p ed o ut o f ra t race to examine relatio n ship w ith SSS." Thank you for "a blank canvas can in tim idate o r inspire o r it can be in between. *

Ydur vision will inspire yet another with the Mu tant Message to find a way off the carrousel to see and feel and be one with the earth. Remem ber that in the Dakotas Pierre is pronounced like a boat dock and not PEE AIR like your French friend. Aloha from

KePuna at IMAGINE P.O.Box 96778

1463, Pahoa Hawai'i

Dear Editor I finished reading your Spring 1996 #85 copy of RFD and I must say 1 was favorably impressed. It contained practical information and some cute photographs. In particular I enjoyed the story by T ’ger, Notes on my jo urney to the country. Many of us have changed our

Editors lives for the better by facing challenges of making a place habitable and comfortable over time. His use of straw-bales was nice. I’ve read about straw -bale construction and am glad to know that it is a truly viable alternative to conventional materials which can be harmful to all concerned. Although I do not yet live in the country, I enjoy a very rural setting in West Seattle. My goal is to own rural property and so real life stories like T ’ger’s are motivational. I must also let you know that the article by Randy and Dave about homesteading in northern California, was touching. Gay men can and do have lasting rewarding relationships. Such men are role models for younger gay men wondering if commitment and life-long relationships are not for us but for straight people. Indeed a committed relationship, with its joys and challenges can be had by gay men. Gay men don’t have to live a licentious disease rough and troubled life. Dave and Randy’s story shows that gay men will face the same joys, rewards and challenges straight people face when choosing to live a life of commitment and love, Thank you guys! Keep up the good work at RFD. Karl Derrick Seattle WA

pages of RFD Who am I to say what is right or wTong? I truly resent those who wish everyone thought like themselves. What a really boring world! Perhaps the impetus for writing came from a response 1 received from my contact letter This individual decided to tell me he didn't think he was going to continue getting RFD because of the “campiness" and because all it contained was “sex, sex...and sex " Perhaps he doesn’t like sex. but I do and so do a lot of other people I know 1 hate to burst bubbles here, but sex is. part o f the human condition. Nature put the penis between our legs for one purpose (actually two, but w e’re not considering elimination of waste products at this juncture!) and that is to use it. In the case of gay men, since we don’t use it to procreate, we use it for fun. T hat’s sex. We have it; let's talk about it. At any rate, keep up the good work. When the time comes to renew, count me in. Love to all. Peace and joy. Randy Perrine Plover, W1 ■ L X X T X iiie iv e i.'.v

w t w

Gentlemen

1 read in horror your “Feature Features” promo concerning “a dickless RFD” for this falls issue. Are you sure your readers desire “a challenge like this?" Many o f us want dicks and lots o f them. Wc want articles and letters about dicks and lots of them What are you people thinking, anyway? If your readers want dickless magazines, they can pick up a Newsweek.. The great thing about RFD is its boldness and its ability to reinforce the spiritual and erotic. For many of us, this certainly includes dicks. We wait for months for another issue o f this magazine we respect Wc look forward to it. At least run a survey of your readers to see if they want a dickless issue. My guess is that the ’nays’ would win in a landslide. It’s time you boys sat around the porch and talked this over one more time Chris R. Tampa, FL

s s e v . '. v i 'n i . v i . c

“Your magazine has become so bizarre I was actually embarrassed to receive it.” My dears, Here’s my money for two more years. Please note the address change, we now have 911 privileges here in Bumpass. All is well. 1 love your magazine. 1 hope you all fare well. I love the things you all print, constantly challenging and exciting and confronting me. The folks who write and say they don’t think this is country need to be in the country and not just idealize the country. It’s always interesting how little or much ‘fucked up" every person is and reveals in their writings. I love the things you all do. Steven Summerville Bumpass, VA

Dear Brothers at RFD, I had to write. I had to tell you, “Thank you!” I do so from the depths o f my being. Through the magazine, I have reconnected with what is truly important and life-sustaining. I’ve only received two issues, but there will be many more! I enjoy reading all of the magazine. My only regret is that it isn’t thicker so there would be more to read and absorb. Though I don’t see eye-to-eye with all that is written, I do appreciate the diversity of humanness that appears on the

“I love the things you all print, constantly challenging and exciting and confronting me.” 5

Dear Friends, 1 wanted to write and tell you how much I liked #86. It will be interesting to see your readers’ reactions to the issue of death, AIDS, etc. But it shows the majority of people who have had to face bigotry and hale in living their lives as they want, and thus being different from the majority. But of course that can be said about the Amish and others who don’t conform to this “current" idea of what is normal. I wonder how many in our community/moveinent even think o f the diversity and how little some of us have in common. We are pagan, atheists. Catholics, Jews, Muslims, we live in the city, country, run advertising agencies in the big city and live in a small town on the North Dakota/South Dakota border, living on S350 a month and liking it, despite the cold. Some of us wear drag, some go nude, some like suits, dresses, some celebrate at Short Mtn., some in the pride parades in cities across the country. But how many newspapers, magazines, groups do we see and work with? Look at the different places people writing to you live. What we must do is urge all your readers to save and preserve their material, letters, magazines and be a resource center wherever they arc And when they visit some city or area, collect material there and take it back home to share with others, and take material from their area and share it with groups, bookstores, etc where they travel. Start libraries ...We need everyone William Edward Glover Homosexual Information Center Bossier City, LA

QUEER SPIRIT 'â&#x20AC;˘'Lavender Pagan Gathering in Northern California * 13-15 Sept: "An opportunity to celebrate the diversity of our community and build bridges between our many tribes ...W e welcome queers, faggots, dykes, fairies, bisexual people, lesbians, gay men and women, transgendered and two-spirited folks, those who are questioning their sexual orientation or their gender identity, and our friends and allies Get the picture?" '"Queer Spirit, 2215-R Market Street, Box 261, San Francisco, CA 94114 THANKSGIVING GATHERING r 28 Nov-2 Dec near Alexandria, LA, preceded by workdays 25-27 Nov '"HieroSophia (Alan), 2419 South Street, Beaumont, TX 77702-2308, (408) 835-3145

ACCELERATED BIOREGION ALLY-BAS ED SPANISH INTENSIVE t** 4-10 & 11-17 Nov < Immediately preceding and in conjunction with the 7th Turtle Island Bioregional Gathering '"Beginning, intermediate & advanced classes, held atop a volcano, use "Superlearning" technique. Cost between $200 and $350/week '"Contact Tad Montgomery, POB C-3, Montague, MA 01351, (413) 772-2438, email: tad.fcswmd@crocker.com SMS FALL FROLIC ,'"27 Sept-6 Oct ^Celebrate the abundance of autumn under the full moon at Short Mountain. We welcome women, men, children and other humans and extra-terrestrials. Please no pets. Parking limited, please carpool Pre-gathering workweek begins 20 September; post-gathering workmonth lasts until Halloween Info: SMS, 247 Sanctuary Lane, Liberty, TN 37095 or leave your address at (615) 563-4397. AUSTIN FAERIE CIRCLE WINTER SOLSTICE GATHERING '"18-24 Dec r*' Polar bear dip, solstice celebrations, potluck vegetarian cafe, singing, dancing, magickal merriment, sun and fun ^"At Recreation Plantation in Dripping Springs TX '"For info: Casa de los Mariposas, PO Box 80618, Austin TX 78708-0618, (512) 703-8952, email: lazarus@bga.com, http://www.realtime.net/~lazarus/ MID-ATLANTIC LEATHER WEEKEND z'" 17-19 Jan 1997 Mr. MidAtlantic Leather Contest, leather cocktails, etc. $60. Info: Centaur MC, PO Box 34193, Washington DC 20043-4193, (202) 388-1010

SI EMISSIONS MALE LUST!!

Submissions wanted for an anthology about male sexuality i*'W e seek both non-fiction essays which address political and theoretical issues as well as autobiography, poetry and artwork which more directly connects readers with our personal and emotional lives a men /'"Our focus is on examining menâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sexuality in relation to a variety of issues including love, lust, gender, race, class, sexual identity, sexual assault/abuse, disability, pornography, sex work, feminism and spirituality /'"Submissions due by 31 Dec 1996/'"email to kerwyna@igc.apc.org or send on a 3.5" disk (MS word unformatted) or double-space typed to PO Box 424195, SF, CA 94142-4195. Include your name, address, phone # and a brief bio, as well as a SASE.

THE PERMANENT CULTURE t*'a new quarterly permaculture newsletter for bi/gay/les/transgendered people, seeks contact letters, short articles, subscribers /'"The Permanent Culture, 21-1L Diamond St., Brooklyn, NY 11222

FORMS OF DESIRE '"T he 7th Annual Queer Graduate Studies Conference /<"3-6 April 1997 /*"Seeks 8-10 page papers, abstracts or panel proposals on diverse forms of sexuality: "in history, philosophy & literature, in art, music, theater, film & performance, in architecture and public space, in psychology & identities, in nations, politics & public policy, in classrooms & communities, in theory & practice" /''"Send submissions to: The Forms of Desire Committee, The Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies, 33 West 42nd Street, Room 404N, NY, NY 10036, email: fodquny@aol.com, http://members.aol.com/fodquny

IN SEARCH OF ARTISTS z'' New gallery in Green Lake, Wl is looking for artists with an edge who are inspired by nature and have a primitive soul /'"Woodworking, pottery, metalsmithing, painting, drawing, glassblowing, fiber, etc. /'"Send slides/photos or write/call for more info: David Jones, arteffects gallery, POB 428, Green Lake Wl 54941, (414) 294-8088

TY HARDEN /'"Looking for any info that can lead me back, Jersey City, NJ. If you know Ty or Carolas Delmundo please help me reach him /'"Steven Magee 082080, PO Box 279-MB129, East Palatlea, FL 32131.

c/o Doug & Mike > 770/446-9946 > email snakeowl@aol.com Atlanta Faerie Cirde PO BOX 80618 Austin TX 78708-0618 > 512/703 8952 info line > 512/836 9715 fax > email lazarus@bga.com > http://w w w .realtim e.net/-la/anis/ Audin Ares Faeries 1800 Market #63 San Francisco 94102 > 415/436-9766 > email: geofw@euphp.com Blank Leader Wings 68 Streeter Road Dekalb NY 13630 > 315/347 2178 Blue Heron Farm 1475 Santa Rosa Rd Christina Lake BC VOH 1E3 Canada ✓ 604/447-9414 British Columbia Faeries Correspondence & contact group > PO Box 1404 Port Hardy BC VON 2P0 Canada > 604/949-8793 (in 10/96 the 604 area code will change to 205) Canada-Rural Cad Men c/o Nick Papatonis 406 S. Plain St. #3 Ithaca NY 14850 > 607/387 8262 > email Nick@publiccom.com > http:llwwwpubliccom.com/wcb/nick/ Central NY Faeries Ctunago Faerie Cirde 2111 N. Kedzic Blvd., Chicago, IL 60647 > 312/235-8315 > brucie@spss.com c/o John Mark Eggerton 202/319-1219 BI. Faeries Fairie mailing list > Send email to majordomo@queemet.org > include “subscribe faerie” or “subscribe faerie-digest” in the message (not subject line) E Mail c/o Edward van Koolwijk, Koeburgweg 15, 3709 GD Zeist, The Netherlands > Tel/fax. 011/31/10/512-0972 > email 101571 573@compu»crvc com Euro-Faeries http://www.eskimo.com/~davidk/faeries/ > submissions can be sent to davidk@eskimo.com or call Persimmon at 206/935-7762 Faeries on liie Wed FDR Faerie Bind Rag PO Box 26807 Los Angeles CA 90026 ) email FaeDishRag@aol.com News <fc info line in Portland OR area > 503/235-0826 Fey Dirt Computer Bulletin Board > 415/861-4221 Fey Dish Socials, discussions and outdoor events for Gay and Bi men > 14 W. Mifflin St. Suite 103 Madison WI 53703 > 608/251-7424 Frontiers Western NY > Jay Stratton 121 Union St. Westfield NY 14787 Canouungo Sanctuary Gay Consciousness and Spirituality > Heidelberg Faerie Circle > Blucherstrasse 1, W-6900 Heidelberg Germany > 49/6221 860535 CAYA California and Wolf Creek faerie sanctuary gatherings and events ✓ P.O. Box 426732 SF CA 94142 Holy Faery Database 123 W. Way POB 637 Yamell, AZ 85362 > 520/427-3112 House ot lbe Daun PO Box 874 Smithville TN 37166-0874 > 615/597-4409 IDA- Queer artist community M en's Tropical Permaculture Community > PO Box 1463 Pahoa, HI 96778 > 808/334-3359 voicemail IMAGINE biOYersity “Happiness is Hairy” > 71 Ballyeultcr Road, Downpatrick, County Down BT30 7BD, Ireland Irish Teddy Dear Network c/o Gordon-Oakes PO Box 50458 Minneapolis MN 55405 > 612/874-9079 ask for Rocky Rauiasbauag Sanctuary The Beau Monde > POB 3036 Pineville LA 71361 L'Allaire Las Badas del Sot Faeries of the Sun > San Diego CA > 619/226-8161 or 685-7626 c/o Bloobird 634 Edna St. San Francisco CA 94127 > 415/585-8273 > email bloobird@sirius.com Loye's Supreme Desire 32H POB 14-705 Chicago IL 60614-0705 > 312/494-2654 voicemail > Sacred, Erotic, Pagan, Medicine Lodge-Fire Ritual, first wknd of the month Men Nurturing Men PO Box Nahcotta, WA 98637 Nabcotia Sanctuary PO Box 150296 Brooklyn NY 11215 > 718/625-4505 NYC Radical Faeries PO Box 170358 San Francisco CA 94117 > To visit the sanctuary: PO Box 312 Wolf Creek OR 97497 > 503/866-2678 Nadeaus NW Faerie events other than Wolf Creek > 1 1 4 N E 2 2 n d A v e Portland OR 97232-3104 > 503/735-4758 > emailRavndViIl@ aol.com Northwest Faerie Database 1510 19th Ave Seattle WA 98122 Northwestern Faeries PO Box 32321 Oklahoma City OK 73123 ) 405/722-8985 Oklahoma Radical Faeries Ontario Faeries/Fees du QuebecAmber Fox Sanctuary > Box 65 McDonald’s Comers Ontario CANADA KOG 1M0 ✓ 613/278-2744 Charles > D odle@ fl05 n256 /, 1 gryn.org PO Box 9543 Santa Fe NM 87504 > 505/982-6827 Pantheas c/o Efthimios Kalos 7 Rue Payenne, 75003 Paris, France > Tel 33 1 40 27 02 95 > Fax 33 1 40 27 02 96 ) Circles on full moons Pans Faeries/Fees de Paris multi cultural circle of gay and bi men activated for political, sexual & cultural transformation > POB 7045 JAF Sta NYC NY 10116 7045 > 212/969 8724 Rad Fags c/o Geent Detken, Benghovcnerstr. 57, 53227 Bonn Germany > tel/fax 49-228-443218 Rheinland Faeries Rt 2 Box 130A2 Elkins AR 72727 > 501/643-3855 Rose oi Sbar on Salt Lake City UT > 801/359-8115 > hapyface@xrnission.com Sacred Faeries Stonewater Spirit Circle > c/o Larry Hull PO Box 4121 San Diego CA 92164 Saa Diego Tel-a-Fairy > 415/626-3369 > Events and message tape for Bay Area faeries San Francisco 408/335-5861 > Events and message tape for the Santa Cruz, area Santa Cruz Fairy Line c/o Happy Doodle PO Box 2737 WTeaton MD 20915 > 301/946-0517 Scaene Faeries 206/783-2011 > event tape for Seattle area Seattle Fairy Rhone 247 Sanctuary Lane Liberty TN 37095 > 615/563-4397 (messages) Short Mountain Saoduary c/o Scooter RR1 Box 320 Artas SD 57437 ✓ email ScooterJMM@aol.com South Dakota RR#2 Box 1640 Plainfield VT 05667 > Northern VT 802/453-5760 > Central VT 802/454 1635 > Southern VT 802/257 4871 Yermool Ra&caJ Faeries PO Box 553 El Prado NM 87529 > 505/776-1565 > dbalsam@prodigy.com Zulu Mountain Saoduary BeyjRFDkfieddeaelairieaalddsuJ-t-GBlE > Eea. Jiaages/tcfreUioas/aJdiUuis/ileisliuisd: > Fairie Contacts Editor > RED PO Box 68 Liberty TN 37095

First, a small review. If you remember the infor mation presented in the last column, you will know that chocolate contains many types of fat, all of which have slightly different melting and crystallizing (solidifying) points. Chocolate which is out o f temper has undergone a separation of these fats, whereby they have melted, migrated and re-crystallized. This cause the chocolate to lose, it’s seen, some o f its fla vor and all o f its texture, ending up tasting rather “grainy”. Grayish streaks on the surface o f the choco late are a tell-tale sign o f dis-temper. The chocolate is no longer a uniform product. Luckily, one can re-tem per the chocolate, restoring it to its former glory.

Greetings from the baker! Hope y ’all enjoyed the summer’s relief from winter, that long winter! Can’t say that my oven was too busy this season past, though chocolate cake is practically a staple. Like most folks, 1 tend to bake more, especially bread, in the winter months. There’s something about a warm, redolent abode during cold weather . . . .

Cy t

Before delving into various temper methods, you must need to know how to melt chocolate. It is very important when to avoid any introduction o f water, even the smallest amount will adversely affect the proteins, causing them to “seize” and get quite tight

is n o t n e c e s s a r i l y , a c a r d i n a l ! s i n to d e n a -

lure ch o co la te. o fo m e iim e s Haven’t heard from any o f you in a long time. The 2 columns on natural food baking didn’t generate a single piece of mail. 1 can only surmise that all your buns are just perfect! Which must mean that no news is good news. I would be delighted to host a guest writer here, especially those who have knowledge regarding natural food baking to share since that is no longer an area that I know well. You can submit a rough copy to me and I will be happy to edit and type. About 1600 words would do just fine. My address is: Peter Baker P.O. Box 554 N.Y.C, N.Y. 10025

w a n t to s i n .

and lumpy. This is called “denaturing”. Denatured chocolate can be rescued but never restored. It should not be used for dipping or coating after that point, but can be successfully incorporated in batters, doughs, etc. that use chocolate as an ingredient, such as brownies. Also, the chocolate is made with sugar that is milled to a fine talcum powder consistency. If the temperature goes over 120 degrees, the sugar melts and becomes grainy and crumbly, ruining the choco late. On the other hand, chocolate must reach 100 degrees in order for all the fat factions to completely melt. NOTE: you would raise the temperature of the chocolate to 100 degrees if your chocolate went out o f temper and you need to re-temper it, only. If you are using chocolate that is already in temper, then do not raise the temperature above 90 degrees (for white chocolate, not above 85 degrees; for milk chocolate, 88.5 degrees). All this may seem rather particular, because it is! That is the nature o f this ingredient. Do not melt chocolate over a direct flame. It bums very easily. The burnt taste will quickly permeate the chocolate and you will not be able to get rid o f it. Use

O f course, as always, questions and reflections are welcome. < +> <+> <+> <+> <+> <+> <+> < + > < + >

I do hope that everyone enjoyed the last column on the production o f chocolate. I know that I had a fun time writing it! As promised, here is the second and concluding part which deals with the proper way to melt and temper o f chocolate.

a double-boiler, set in hot, but nor boiling water. Take special care that steam does not get into the chocolate, as per above. Chop the chocolate into small pieces, which will increase their surface area and decrease the melting time. Put some o f the chocolate into the dou ble-boiler. After at least 10% o f it has melted you can begin stirring. Before then, the melted por tion has a tendency to stick to the unmelted pieces and re-solidify. When nearly all o f the pieces have melted, add some more. Continue repeating the process until all of the chocolate is melted. If the chocolate has to stand for a long while before being used, turn off the heat (remember the temperature limits) and stir occasion ally so that the melted chocolate does not overheat in any part o f the pot or bowl. TIP: Denatured chocolate can be partially rescued by the addition o f small amounts o f clarified butter of vegetable shortening, fats normally solid at room tem peratures that do not contain any water.

Each time the chocdate goes above 90 degrees, you must go through this process again < +> <+> < +> < +> < +> < +> < +> < +> < +>

Well that about concludes the information I have regarding this topic. But before I go. just a further word on denaturing chocolate. It is not necessarily a cardi nal sin to denature

mper

y o u r chocolate !

c h o c o l a t e .

Sometimes we want to sin (denature that is!), l or instance, if you are going to write or decorate with chocolate, you may want to add a water-bearing liq uid to piping consistency, that is if you don't want to pipe with melted chocolate directly. Other instances o f intentional denaturing are when making ganache, an absolutely fabulous and spreadable-when-cooled combination of equal parts (by weight) o f melted chocolate and hot heavy cream, or when making chocolate glaze, which is composed o f melted choco late, water, and sugar (simple) syrup. In these instances, you want to add part o f the hot liquid, usually a third, to the chocolate and mix to a homogenous consistency, then scraping the bowl. This is repeated 3 times, mixing until thoroughly homogenous after each. If you were to add all o f the liquid at once, you would not have the chance to work out all o f the lumps that get formed when any water bearing liquid comes in contact with the chocolate. Although most o f the lumps would disappear, some would persist after the majority of the mixture became so thin as to not provide sufficient friction to break up the remaining lumps. Lumplessness for all! m

Now, on to the tempering process. Tempering pre vents the separation o f cocoa butter from the solids when chocolate is melted. When properly melted, the chocolate will have a high gloss and set rapidly. It is best to have the ambient conditions at 65 degrees and humidity not more than 50%, i.e., unless you are in an air conditioned space, summer is not the time to attempt this, especially if you have never do it before. INDIRECT (or "seeding") METHOD The chocolate is melted to between 100 and 110 degrees. Fine shavings are added and the mixture stirred occasion ally, to bring the overall temperature down to 89 degrees.

!!!!HAPPY BAKING, BARBETTES!!!!

TABULATION MLTHOD: 1/3 to 1/2 of a batch of melted, warm chocolate is spread on a marble slab and worked with a large spatula (or bench knife) until it is 85 degrees. At this temperature, the chocolate starts to set (quick re crystallization) Mix together the cod, worked chocdate and the warm, melted chocdate Ihe resulting temperature should be between 87 and 89 degrees. ANOTHER INDIRECT METHOD: Warm chocdate to above 1(JO degrees. Remove from the heat source and let it cod to 84 degrees, stirring occasionally. Place over water and warm to between 86 and 89 5 degrees. Maintain at 89 to 90 degrees 9

ill of you had deriul sumin spite ol e heat. I le n t know about you. But I'm more than ready for some good tool fall Fall ks a mllefor me. It years ago writing this column and I have to say that it has been a deiadeand an experience that has dramatically changed my life forever. I had read my first KM) back In the winter of 1980-81. I wrote several letters, but I never received a reply from the last one I wrote and as my life was In a great state of turmoil at the time, I Just supposed It was one of those fly by night maga/lne’s that come and go. By the Spring of '86. I was living in Mid North Carolina. One Saturday. I drove ever to Greensboro to the White Rabbit Hcxsk Store. A real gay bmlcstorc not a porno movie house. While browsing I thought of RIO, I checked the magazine section, lo and behold there it was. I bought It and headed home. There was a notice about the Summer Solstice gathering at Running Water. 1 immediately wrote Ron Lambe and asked for information. It was shortly after that, that I received my registration form whirl) I promptly mailed back. In a short time, I had another letter with a map. On Solstice I headed for Running Water. My first faerie gathering an adventure, that even today Is still changing me. I hat evening I met (labby.Stv. and Mish from Short Mountain and I'm proud to say that they are still good friends alter a decade. On Saturday I helped eook In the kitchen. At the time I was a Chef in a large cafe teria. On Sunday. Ron asked if someone would please use up a whole crate of yellow sQiiash. With a Quick check of the pantry to see If I had all the necessary Ingredients. I told him I'd make souash fritters for lunch. They turned out to be the hit of the meal and I started getting reauests for the recipe. I suggested to Ron that I send him the recipe for the next issue of RFD. There was no way I could write the recipe for everyone who had asked for It. Ron's reply was "I have a better idea. Why don't you become the new Kitchen Queenr . I didn't have any Idea what a Kitchen Queen was. Me told me that was what they called the food f dltor of the magazine and he needed a new one. The last one had just stopped sending In his column So. with the fall Issue of 1986.yours truly became the Kitchen Queen. To commemorate this decade of Recipes. I'm going to reprint my recipe for Souash fritters. I think It's safe to say that many of you weren't RfDers when I started this column. So here It is. I hope you will enjoy it and give it a try. They're still one of ny favorite recipes. I would also like to take this time to say Thank You to all of you who read my column and have been so supportive thru the years. May our I arth Mother Bless each and everyone of you.

Ig y M frF rntg f 1 1 /4 cup plain flour 1 Tbs. baking powder 1«99 1 Tbs. oil 8 / 4 tsp. salt 1 / 2 cups sour cream /yogurt black pepper to ta ste Mix all o f the ingredients to make a thick batter, to this batter add: 8 cups grated yellow squash 1 med. onion grated/m i need fine Blend the vegetables into the batter, Drop by spoonfuls into hot oil in a frying pan. Brown g o o d on each side and serve h ot Va ria tio n s; 1. Add fresh corn kernels cut o ff the cob. 2. Add minced bell or pimient© peppers 8. Mix yellow and zucchini squash Pour batches into a gallon sized container, a d d remaining ingredi ents including tea , Chill

IBHANG Ancient Indian Drink consumed during the festival o f Shiva. It's purpose is to destroy your ©Id consciousness and to create a place to build a new and more evolved awareness.

1 ounce flowers & leaves, marijuana (Md) 2 cups boiling water 2 tsp rosewater (availab le in apothecaries) or vanilla extract rosewater is better 1 / 2 cup almonds 1 quart warmed whole milk or half & half (fat is important a s THC is fat soluble) 1 tea sp garam m asala 1 / 2 tea sp cinnamon Honey to ta ste In a covered container brew tea with water and mariyjane. Steep a t least 7 minutes Remove MJ from liquid; Saving both. In small batches in a blender combine MJ with milk and almonds, throughly Makes approx. 1 /2 gallon, 1 /4 cup serving per person.

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'Pmft&vmz{Im W inter '96 '97 New Clear Families

W e seek essays, m em oirs, fiction, poetry', gra p h ics & m ore, re v o lv in g a ro u n d y o u r (r e d e fin itio n of Fam ily, e v o lv in g & e x p a n d in g our con cep ts of k in sh ip t o in d u d e a d iv e r sity of T ribes P ossib le to p ic s for th e is s u e in d u d e — F a m ilie s o f b irth & fa m ilie s o f c h o ic e — H o w d id y o u r "fam ily* c o m e to g eth e r — W h o m a k e s u p y o u r fa m ily — W hat are y o u r " fa m ily v a lu es" & h o w d o y o u l i v e th e m — G a y m arria g e d e b a te t o k n o t or n c f t o knot? —Q u e e r b r e e d e r s L esb ian, G a y & B isexu al P arents — PFLAG — T rib es, C lans, " F rolic A ffin ity G roups," O p en r e la tio n s h ip s — H o n o rin g o u r W ise FHckrs & W ild C h ild ren

O ur fa m ily v a lu e s d iv e r sity Deadline October 15, 1996 . c o •t'O • tO • r>0

‘9 F 7 iction & Photography

Spring

For the past few issues RFD lacked somewhat in the Fiction Department, primarily because w e received so m udi other material to publish. Now is our chance to make it up for all y e fiction lovers - writers and readers. In this issue w e will publish "the best of the fiction w e have received in the past tw o years "according to our esteemed fictional editor. Also w e will feature the exalting and erotic images of Canadian photographer, Daniel Collins •

•

-CO • e o

* C-")

S u m m er'97 Fev Arts

///

lheater, performance poetry, dance, story telling myth-making photography, crafts, visual arts, film & video. Ritual, political action, sex, gardening teaching healing.

What makes it Queer or l?ey? What makes it Arf-’ Send us your thoughts, meditations, ideas, personal experiences, and—oh, yes1—artwork

Deadline Apnl 15, 1997

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The HICKORIES Black Hickory [Carya texana ] is common in dry upland sites and is found on Short Mountain. It usually is a somewhat smallish tree with lots of gnarly limbs. Another common species is Mockernut Hickory [Carya tomentosa], subject of our illustration. The Mockernut is widely distributed in a variety of upland sites. It has a small nut, but a very thick husk, which makes it look like, or mock, a big nut. At midsummer, as the nuts are still smooth and green and just plumping out to their full size, they do often resemble a pair of pendulous testicles at the ends of the branch tips. As a boy, I was sure that this particular tree was the reason that testicles were sometimes called “nuts.” Of course, there are other equally suggestive nut species, my favorite being Red Buckeyes [Aesculus pavia]\

Hickories are well-known and highly valued forest trees throughout much of southern and eastern North America. Various species of hickory trees make up a significant proportion of the woodland in many upland areas from the. Ozark highlands eastward to the Atlantic. Several species provide valuable hardwood timber, and the nuts are well known. Unfortunately, only a relatively few species bear large, sweet-flavored nuts relished by humans (such as the Shagbark Hickory [Carya ovata] and Shellbark Hickory [Carya laciniosa j; almost all of them are treats for the wildlife, however! Several years ago wild foods enthusiast and author Euell-Gibbons became famous doing a television advertisement for Post Grape Nuts cereal, saying the cereal, “ . . . reminds me of the flavor of wild hickory nuts.” He became an instant and often quoted celebrity, and the hickory nuts were instrumental in his rise to stardom! Fortunately, he was a genuine expert on wild foods, and had an extensive and valuable base of experience to share. Hickory nuts are difficult to crack and the nutmeats tedious to extract. In his book, Stalking the Wild Asparagus, Gibbons recounted one of the ways Native American groups used hickory nuts. Rather than extracting individual nutmeats, large quantities of nuts were coarsely crushed, then dumped into kettles of boiling water. The nutmeats and their oil floated to the surface, and the shell fragments sank to the bottom. The nutmeats and oil were then easily skimmed off and used in a variety of ways. A sort of nut butter was often prepared. This nourishing rich oily nut butter, described by some accounts as a milky liquor not unlike that obtained from coconuts, was called, in one Native American language, powcohicora. It is from the latter part of that name that our modern name, hickory, is derived.

Hickory ranks as one of the best fuel woods available in this country, having a very high heat output per volume. It burns long and hot, with little smoke. Some hickories (notably Bitternut Hickory [Carya cordiformis], a large species with small, bitter nuts found in rich alluvial soils in valleys and lowlands) are among the most easy of woods to split into firewood, making it a perfect firewood in every way. Oddly, other members of the family (Shagbark, Black, and Mockernut) have a tough interlocking grain that renders the wood very difficult or virtually impossible to split. Various hickories have also long been used to impart a distinctive flavor to smoked meats. Some use branches or twigs as well as wood for this purpose. The hickories with tough wood form a valuable timber group, with the woods being utilized in a variety of specialized applications. The Mockernut Hickory is sometimes called the White Heart Hickory because its wood is the lightest colored of all. It is used for rustic bent-wood furniture, and this and other species are prized for tool handles and implements. It is very strong, tough, and quite difficult to break. Hickory can be bent to a remarkable degree without breaking, especially

As mentioned above, Shagbark and Shellbark Hickories have the best nuts. They are larger and better flavored. There are several other kinds of hickories. 12

when still green or when steamed. Walk into any giftshop featuring traditional American crafts in the Ozarks or Appalachians, and you’re likely to find bent wood hickory walking canes.

M ockernut Hickory

The hickories shed their crop of nuts in the fall as the leaves begin to color. Typically there are clusters of two nuts near the tips of branches. These are surrounded by compound leaves, almost all of them with seven somewhat fuzzy leaflets, occasionally with five. The buds of most of the hickories are quite large, particularly the Shagbark and Mockernut. These really distinguish the trees in winter; they are among the largest buds in the forest. The large buds are covered with a finely pubescent, soft mousey gray covering. Hickories, particularly Mockernut, may have some fine Autumn foliage color. They usually color early and drop their leaves rapidly. Color is usually a rich yellow or gold. Though they have few disease problems, and are tough, long-lasting trees in the landscape, hickories are rarely planted. The main reason for this lack of use is a lack of availability. Hickories are difficult for nurseries to grow in containers because of their prominent taproot, and won’t keep for very long. And they are virtually impossible to transplant once established in the ground for the same reason. If you wish to add some hickories to your property, your best bet would be to gather nuts off the type tree you prefer as soon as they fall, then immediately plant them about three inches deep exactly where you want them to grow. Sow a half dozen or so a few inches apart, then thin them out if more than one sprout. Like acorns, the nuts will immediately run down a taproot as soon as they’re planted in the fall; then a small seedling will arise above ground in late spring.

Happy gardening! J x ! ) a n c in f f r ^ M a n e

DANCING MANE describes himself as a ruraldwelling long-haired natureboy, a sensitive, gentle satyr, intimately bound to nature and the environment, and a passionately dedicated gardener/landscaper/botanist who would welcome questions, com ments, or communications from fellow faerie plant spirits-especially long-haired ones! Write c/o RFD.

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How "Friendship. Friendship. Just a Perfect Friendship" amts at Lee Uaflev Farm by Lee Laurence Photos: Rocky

We were in lb? lounge of the Club Baths in San Diego having a little going away party. Actually we were retiring my room number ... and 1 really was going away. One of die towel draped regulars, who was thumbing through a copy of Bob Damron's Gay Guide said, "Where are you going?" T e n n e s s e e .” I replied on the inhale. "Where in Tennessee?” he asked as he thumbed through the first third of the book - which was mostly California - the state I was about to leave. "Dariin’" he said as he reached for die glow ing joint, “Have you lost your mind? It’s not in here!" 1 exhaled deeply and shot back, "Not now but give me a couple ofj years. It will be." That was the fall' of 1979 and I was about to leave one of die gayest states in the union to move to one of the ungayest, to do what Open a gay guest farm. "In die middle of die Baptist Bible Belt?” Onesaid. "Can't be done.” “NO WAY" and, 'They’ll burn you out!” were die words of encouragement heaped enthusiastically upon my naked shoulders that final Saturday in San Diego. "Watch m e.” 1 said as 1 wrapped my towel a little tighter and headed for the steam room. I’m not sure where the idea came from. It just sorta grew. I’d been around a while and I’d done my share of sport boinking ... and I was getting tired of it. AIDS was still a diet candy so diat had nothing to do widi it. 1 just felt there had to be a few people in our community who would enjoy a place where they could hang out and not play dress up or undress 24 hours a day or not fret over who was going to get their legs in the air first. I wanted a place where men and women could be comfortable together without attitude, without stress and for sure, without bullshit. So 1 moved to Rogersville, TN - an hour from Knoxville two hours from Hollywood (although I was here first) and opened le e Valley harm. Wish I could tell you that folks flocked to my door. Didn’t happen not for years. But that was OK. Fear of star vation builds character. It was suggested on more than one occasion that I advertise the farm as THE

place for HOT men - and while we do get our share that was not what I had intended Lee Valley Farm to be. As time went on and AIDS went from a candy to a condition to a cause I knew I’d made the right deci sion. Years went by and more people started coming to the farm. Not in droves. We don’t do stress and we don’t do droves. It took a good 8 or ten years before things began to roll along nicely. Don’t equate that with roll - as in money - that never happened. It was never intended to. LVF was and is my home. It gave me great pleasure to share it with those who l also felt "at home here." As time went on I was able to expand the main house and add a dining room and then with the addition ^of a hot tub and pool along with the cabins, camp grounds, horse back riding, hiking trails and fishing I pretty much rounded out the picture. I had accomplished exactly what I set out to do ... and I’d been in every guide book in the US rand abroad for years. I was content. Not solvent ... but con tent was good. Then in the spring of 1992 a plaguedescended upon this peaceful valley. Not locusts, not even hail. My plague arrived bearing clipboards and badges. 'ITiey were "Inspectors” from the state of Tennessee. “We received a complaint that you were running a gay, uh, business here." I asked the doofus to repeat himself - and he did! The inspectors from the great state of Tennessee, henceforth known as GSOT, looked about with inter est. “How many meals a day do you prepare here?" They inquired. "A lot.” I replied rather proudly. That resulted in rapid writing on clipboards. "Where are your separate bathrooms for men and women?” OK, I’m thinking - this is a gag, right? Wrong. They were serious. About that - as well as the chlorination sys tem they wanted on my wonderful spring water, and about getting rid of my horses and other animals and that was before Ms. Scarlet the pig moved in and took over the living room. They even said my kozy kountry kitchen where creative queens conjure up culinary confections would require a major renovation - and then - get this - it would be off limits to every one but staff. "STAFF!” I exclaimed. "I’m the staff.” GSOT was not impressed. They simply kept on writing on their clipboards. Finally one of them 14

looked ai me and said, "Well, it appears that you are not a B&B, and you are not a restaurant, and you are not exactly a campground or a motel or a hotel. Seems like w e d on’t have a category to fit you in." So what’s new. I thought. Been hearing that all my life. "You’ve got to comply with all these rules and regulations and get all these permits or you have 30 days to close dow n " He talked som e more but I was n’t listening. 1 remained relatively calm - even polite as 1 saw them to their car - with the GSOT insignia on the side. Then 1 went in the house grabbed a dog or a teddy bear, hell, it could have been dirty laundry for all l cared, and cried. 'Ihese people total strangers who knew nothing about me or what l did ... and based on a couple of let ters sent their way by som e sad and resentful members of our ow n com munity were prepared to yank my life out from under me. I’d worked long and hard to becom e the crotchety SOB 1 am today ... so let me tell ya’ it was not gonna happen ... and it hasn’t. It is now four years later and I’m still here and LVF is still here - only now I am doing exactly what the GSOT wanted me to do ... and funny thing ... it’s exactly what I want to do as well. Over the years administrations changed and gov ernors changed but the same inspectors remained (no, you do not want to get into a discussion on govt, jobs with me) and so did LVF. They never issued any fines and didn’t try to slap my ass in jail but they were always in the background - in my mind if no where else. I tried reason ... I tried logic ... I tried an attorney ... all to no avail for it is impossible to accomplish anything when the bureaucrat you are addressing has his head up his ass. 1 even considered complying with the existing rules and regulations - the ones for a pool, a hottub, a campground, a restaurant, a B&B, and other thick files and folders they sent my way. There were some I could have lived with - but not happily, so the chances were mighty slim. But there was one condi tion that made even the consideration o f compliance

moot. It was the one which would have allowed GSOT to com e onto the farm at any time they chose, unannounced, to examine, inspect and even question my guests I remember the OLD DAYS when that kind of treatment was considered acceptable - it was part of our lives and we pul up with it ... until one hot , humid night in June when a few fed up, pissed off and well heeled members of our community screamed, “That's it, Girlfriend!!!" It was the summer of 1969 U was the summer of Stonewall. We have come to far and have put up with to much to tolerate that here, before I would allow that l would have closed the farm. But, GSOT, I think, realizing that it’s position might have been a tad archaic, offered a wise and realistic solution. GSOT said I cannot advertise my pool or my hottub, or my wonderful country cookin’ or my campgrounds so I promised GSOT I w ouldn’t. GSOT also said, and 1 quote; “The owner of Lee Valley Farm, le e Lawrence, shall be permitted to use his premises as a hunting (with what, blow dryers?), fishing, or other camp as a private owner for the exclusive personal pleasure of the owner and his guests, so long as no fees for such services are charged of said guests by the owner." I promised tills too. So now only my personal friends and guests are welcom e at the farm. Should any of my friends choose to express their friendship in some tangible manner, well, what kind of friend would 1 lx* to refuse it’ I a n already hear the cries, "It will never work.” and, “It can’t lx* done." Remember ... I’ve heard that before ... 16 years ago. So to my old friends who have shared this mountain with me over the years and to my new friends, 1 say, "Thank You." and Watch me. 1 never promised I’d go quietly. 1 w on’t have to ... I have friends. Fxiitor’s comment: If you wish to contact lrc Valley Farm call 423-272*4068 or by K-mail at lccsfarm®plarvctc.com check out his web page at www planctc.com/leesfarm He will be most grateful and you could be in store for a new friend and a great vaca tion. 15

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I hope all of you are well and made it thru the long hot summer. Of course, there were those who had a rather wet Summer. Hope you’ve dried out by now As for those of you Down Umler, it’s Spring and time to get those gardens planted! O ctober starts off with the waning last quarter moon conjunction mars on the morning of 7th. The aetual conjunction will be just before dawn in the Central Time Zone of the US at 6 22 am CDT. The moon will b e below Mars. The next morning, the moon will be conjuncting Venus. It will be below and right of Venus. The next evening on 9th we will be treated to the Draconid meteor shower. It will peak around 10 PM EDT. They will be coming out of the North west at a rate of about ten per hour. What’s so good about this meteor shower is that the moon will not rise until after midnight so it should all be quite visible. The morning of the twelfth there will be a partial eclipse of the sun. It will be visible only in North Eastern Canada. It will begin at 8 am EDT and end at 12.05 PM EDT. On the evening of 18th the moon will be conjuncting Jupiter It will be above and to the left of Jupiter. The early.morning of 20th we will be treated to another meteor shower. This time it’s the Orionid. It will peak around 5 am EDT and will be coming out of the South at a rate of 10 70 per hour. Since the moon set around midnight, there will be a dark sky for spectacular viewing. To end the month, on the 23rd, the moon will be conjuncting Satum Since it is almost full, it may wash it out a bit.. The moon will be above and right of Satum. If you live in Hawaii or Aleutian Is., the exact conjunction will be at 10:10 PM HALDT. We begin N o v e m b e r with the moon conjuncting Mars in the early hours of the 5th The moon will be below and left of Mars. The morning o f the 8th, the moon will be conjuncting Venus. It will be below and left of Venus At midnight EST on the 9th, we well pass thru the Taurid

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& c r f v tv u meteor shower. They will be coming out of the south at a rate of 5-15 per hour. Since this is just before the new moon, we shall once again have a park sky for good viewing. The evening of the 14th, the moon will be conjuncting Jupiter. The moon will be above and right of Jupiter. For those of you in Hawaii and the Aleutian Is., the actual conjunction will be just minutes before sunset, so you should see the moon directly above Jupiter. The early morning of the 16th, we will pass thru the Leonid meteor shower. It will peak around 5 AM EST and will be coming out of the south at a rate o f 5-20 per hour. Since this will be long after moon set, w e’ll have a dark sky once again for this event. The evening of the 19th, the moon will conjuncting Satum. It will be just below and right of Satum. The evenings of the 25th, 26th, and 27th, we will pass thru the Andromcdid meteor shower. It will peak around 10 PM EST and they will come out of the south at a rate of around 10 per hour. D ecem ber starts off with the moon conjuncting Mars on the morning of the 4th. It will be below and right of Mars. Once again, for those of you in Hawaii and the Aleutian Is., the exact conjunction will be just before dawn at 7:04 am HALST. The morning of the 8th, the moon will be conjuncting Venus. It will be above and right of Venus. This should be a very close conjunction. For those of you on the west coast, the actual conjunction will be at 6:17 PST. The evening of the 12th, the faint crescent new moon will be conjuncting Mercury. It will be above and left of Mercury just after sunset. The next morning on the 13th, we will pass thru the Geminid meteor shower. It will peak about 2 AM EST and they will be coming out of the south at a rate of 50-80 per hour.

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Well that’s it for another quarter and another year. I wish all of you a very happy new year and may the great earth mother bless each and every one of you and most of all - May love be the wind beneath you wings. Until next time

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Once again, this will be long after moonset and we’ll have a park sky for a spectacular show. The evening of the Saturn. The early morning of the 22nd. we will pass thru the Ursid meteor shower. It will peak around 5 AM EST and they will be coming out of the north at a rate of 10-15 per hour. The moon will be almost full and riding low in the west. Hopefully if w on’t wash it out too much. We wen the month and the year with the moon conjunctmg Mars the morning of the 31st. It will be just below and right of Mars. The best planting days for above ground crops in October are 13,14,18,19,22 and 23. The best days for planting below ground crops are3,4,5,8f>, 0,112? and 31. Ihe best days for above ground crops in November are 11,14,15,18, 19,22 and 23. The best days for below ground crops are 1,5,6,7,8,927 and 28. Ihe best days for above ground crops in December are 11,12,15,1620 and 21. The best days for below ground

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RETURN TO CA PISTRANO!

By D a N O Som e o f my friends found this schedule to hectic to follow, eventually they would ask how many this week any standouts and are you being safe? Five to seven, no and yes. A nother ditty l uncovered about gay men is, some feel that they must sleep with everyone they meet. 1 do not. O f 5 0 , 1 had conjugal visits with 3 and only after the second date. I called each to say what a wonderful time 1 had had on each o f the first two dates O ne responded, one did not and the other I dated for three years. In 1994 we called it quits 1 wanted to build a life together, he did not W e’re still friends.

At 38. 1 can honestly say that 1 have learned dating is far more com plicated than I was once led to believe. Lately cotYee and cigarettes have becom e my mind altering substances o f choice. And love, or the perception thereof, is a potent mind altering experience not to m ention a life altering one. Consider my first love, at the tender age o f 18. altered mv reality, caused the loss o f most o f my friends and told me he would always love me. He dumped me over the phone after only eight months. I was devastated for years. My second love was quiet. 1 mistook quiet for intelligence, moody for depth and the smile for honesty. They were not. He went to be a Priest in O hio after a year.

After the proper relationship grieving period, 5-7 months, I placed a third ad to see what the market was doing. This time 1 had coffee, my favorite way to meet people (not as com m itted as a w hole dinner, usually a second date option) with some 35 gentlem en. At 36 1 had becom e far more perceptive about men and while I still felt it was important to m eet them all, I could tell from the phone conversations that some were jaded and bitter, w'hile some were not.

Upon finding m yself single again this past February 1 set out on a quest to “ meet people.” 1 do not choose the bars. I tried the personals. I have met people in other places. There was the on-ram p to the parkway. Not under a bridge, actually our cars had flags on them, and we connected later. In church, he didn’t understand that I was asking him out. The follow'ing week I explained that 1 was asking him out. Also through friends. “So and so would be perfect for you” they would say. “ He likes to do this and this and thdt” they would em bellish. How well do my friends actually know me? A pparently not as well as I know them.

The last person I met, 1 dated for 6 months before I sold my house in the City' and moved in with him in the country. A fter another 6 months, our one year anniversary, he said that he needed to find him self and that w ouldn’t we m ake great room m ates. A fter having coffee with a few' o f his tricks the m orning after, I sought therapy and moved out I fee! it important to tell you that I was the first man he had ever slept with. I am in the process o f breaking this cycle. I’m looking for a man w ho’s between “ it’s my first tim e” and “bitter” .

My success with the personals has been mixed over the past 10 years. My first personals boyfriend, whom I met through the ads in 1986, lasted for just over 2 years. We called jt quits after I moved to Pittsburgh in the Fall o f 1987. I moved for a job, he did not.

When it com es to dating, m eeting new people and or ju st generally being on the market I have developed a list o f things that may inhibit a second date. I d o n ’t consider flying to Vegas to becom e a lounge lizard a vacation option. Buying a porno movie at the bookstore do esn ’t com plim ent coffee or conversation. People who say they arc 55 but look 27 probably have an astigmatism . D rinking four m artinis, up, in the initial twenty m inutes slurs your speech and may cause you to becom e churlish. If, in fact, you earn your living as a female im personator it is best to discuss this during sharing time, over the phone. I talked to Bill, Linda showed up to have coffee.

When you move to a new area you becom e “ fresh meat.” This means many things to many people. After two debutante years, I again placed an ad in the personals. The fact that 1 write concise copy (although not here) and that I give “good phone” availed me o f som e 50 new friends through my first ad in Pittsburgh. I I feel it is important to meet everyone who responds, if possible, to an ad. I do this because some years ago I found that shallow gay men exist. Go figure. It’s true, “we have met the enemy and he is us.” While not right for me, men were reaching out, they needed a positive response, some ego lifting. Chivalry is not dead.

My friends say I have guts. They could never put them selves through all o f that rejection. I counter that 1 have met interesting people over the past 20 years. While at tim es I feel like the C apistrano for assholes. I’ll keep looking. Rem em ber I may be 38, but I look 35, with a slight astigm atism . m

HATS For Marvin and Dorothy I'd like to see them give awards tor the sloppiest kid's room. Give credit to cooks holding the record for largest number of meals of under-cooked beef. And don't overlook the herd that eats the most pasture and gives the least milk. Enough for economy. Let's see recognition for profligacy. A thousand reams of paper for a letter that never gets mailed. Prizes for outstanding procrastination. That's the ticket. Who can put off taking a bath the longest? The member of each sex with the smelliest armpits. The world's worst speller, shouldn't he have at least a footnote in the Annals of Failures? Give a luxury cell, or better a parole, to each year's bunglingest burglar. The hunter who’s shot his foot most times crossing the fence rows, he's deserving of a sportsman's trophy. POCONO MOTORCYCLISTS Gardeners who starve to death each country's rarest plants. I know everything i need to know Give them something to lift their spirits. about the nature of the cycle beast Give them a bouquet of roses. when he wants to come he points it west Our hats should be off to those persons when he wants to retreat he heads back east wearing the tackiest caps. We'll salute them with a bonfire of old tires start a civil war for custom cars The most prolific writer who's always string their fuel lines from all available pumps talking about his book, but never to a central location writes anything. Let's publish recharge the Pocono Motorcyclists nation. his name in every newspaper. Don’t forget the photographers Refuse collectors refuse to collect refuse who never remember to put film left after their weekend outings in their cameras. I’m sure too many odd things to explain we can think of appropriate exposure. to clear up or confirm The worst mail carrier, for mis with the supervisors of park m aintenancedelivering all the letterscondoms stretched from tree to tree He ought to have an obelisk (well, at least they practiced safe sex) with a golden eagle on the pinnacle. shreds of clothing everywhere Let us praise greed, cowardice, sloth (park administrators are all nervous wrecks) and the rest of the virtues. and the animals won’t come back For God’s sake, give me a chance to win. for at least another month.

William Page Memphis, TN

I know everything i need to know about the motorcycle man he points it north if he wants to blow and south if he needs a hand and if you want to know about the rest of their habits you'll have to ask one of them.

Arlen Ray Lazaroff Craig, NE

A4f t Af 20

WAR CHANT

Naked Torso Rough! Tough, this pin-me-down dare in too-tight jock strap--handspanked & red bottom raw; floppy dick-grabbed on the mat, gear stripped-ripped-wrestling you here & now, motherfucker; why? 'Cause I wanna pin you, suck you, fuck you. Call my double dare ... if you're man enough. Roger Forsythe Park Hills, MO

O EDIPUS

SIM PLEX

IN RETROSPECT ITS NOT SURPRISING THAT MY FATHER WAS SO JEALOUS OF MY MOTHERâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S WONDERING EYES ONCE THEY LEFT THE FARM PERUSING AND PSYCHICALLY LOGGING FARMERS. TRUCK DRIVERS, CONSTRUCTION WORKERS..... I WISH I COULD GO BACK AND EXPLAIN IT TO MY FATHER BUT I FEAR I WOULD TROUBLE HIM MORE THAN HELP HIM I HIS SECOND CHILD, HIS SECOND SON HAVE INHERITED MY MOTHER'S EYES: THIS QUALITY, THIS NEED. THIS LUST FOR BEAUTY AMONG MEN I WISH I COULD CONVINCE HIM OF ITS HARMLESSNESS

HIRED HAND It's my sixteenth birthday. We are picking transparent apples so my grandmother can bake a pie. The largest are on the morning side of the tree. He lifts me as though I was nothing more than wind whistling through the leaves.

ON THE OTHER HAND NEITHER PARENT MAY EVER KNOW THAT I HELD DAD IN SUCH AWE...THAT I WAS A TEENAGE VOYEUR TO HIS BATHING RITUAL TO HIS HORSE-PISSING WHEN DRUNK TO HIS FURLED ARMS, HIS CHEST, AND ASS WHEN HE SWAM NUDE. "DAMN", HIS BOXERS ON THE FAMILY CLOTHESLINE MADE ME WEAK IN THE KNEES HOT, CONFUSED AND WONDERFULL; ALL AT ONCE AND UNTIL I HAD MY FIRST "GUY* INFATUATION, SITUATION THE PAIR I'D STOLEN FROM THE WASH (maybe a bird took them to use for his nest) WERE MY TABERNACLE AND OH HOW I WORSHIPPED, FUMBLED WITH AND CRUMPLED THEM BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION.

He is twenty, home for the Summer, working his way through college. His hands are large around my waist. I feel his breath warming the spaces between my shirt and jeans. His chin bristles near my spine. "Gonna make it?" he asks, lips brushing against my skin. I begin to swoon the way the moon does when it clings to the trees until its shadows ripen on every bough. I pick green apples as slowly as I can. He talks against my skin, says I smell freshly scrubbed. His breath is so warm my skin wants to giggle and squirm. Letting me down, his hands move up under the whole of my shirt. He peels it off with a flick of his thumbs, places my hands just at his hips. I see his jeans are stretched and bulging? His lips move to my stomach. He touches until I'm unzipped and sliding deep along his warm tongue.

DENNIS E. KAST MADISON, WISCONSIN

My hands want his skin. His mouth fits mine. I pull away his clothes until we are naked in the tall grass near the trees. I explore his legs with my tongue, wrap my fingers around his generous masculinity, lick until semen splashes like the juices of freshly picked green apples.

Christopher Thomas Omaha, NE

PERHAPS YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT perhaps you have forgotten that the art to picking mushrooms lies in the willingness to brave dark fields of manure moistened to life by rain. the rain must fall show me your shit, and I will show you miracles. Michael Louella New Orleans, LA

CM XLI

COCKFIGHTING VS. COCKSICKING

Nothing lasts, business practice and the law of short demand, sailors on a sea of slate and peaks the mountain climber cant refuse to try, they at home who worry and quick sales to get the inventory down, rainspouts gargoyle shape and roses grown from chests of longdead saints, relics that a penitent can wear and stones camelian where we thought but common pebbles thrown.

It seems obvious, doesn't it that seeing a young man get a btowjob from another young man Is more fun than watching two roosters kill each other. And after the cute youth comes in his bestfriendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mouth he returns the favor. Rather than bet on cockfights, bet on cocksuckers' Dont get me wrong, Roosters are great and cock-a-doodle-doo at dawn PI always love but suck-a-doodle-doo on teenage studmeat beats fighting cocks pecking each other's eyes out while slashing to slit each other's throats. Sucking, my lads, not Fighting! Why, we re all big babies no matter how old we are-And it turns out just as no one can really be weaned from the breast, no one can be weaned from the cock. Turns out sucking off a cock has got to be as regular and refulgent as cock-a-doodle-doo at dawn. Turns out seeing the look on a boy's face when he comes from a blowjob is enough to be converted forever to the religion of love.

Reasons come, scholars brilliant but the dumb explain, either way the rain medieval and the throat of faith is clear, stones softened by the moss when winter mild and children don't forget the middle names of siblings gone, voice a little rusty and the roughened lips we kiss goodbye before the roses blown and saints confess they never meant to die, we hold tight the need to be alone. Cathedral flags unfurl, hedges curl to hold the emerald lawn of true belief, business men turned thief come knocking at the door and phony relics on the floor and we still dumb must scramble for our share, mind of God yet unaware but willing to exist if we but think, hope for they whose brain a negligence yet shapeless prayer will make, red that rounds to sun and day cannot mistake. Sip the marriage wine, turns to water as the stones deny a touch divine, kiss the gargoyle on his snout despite your fear and rain will yet pour out and lawns renew their green and brief exposures on the bed no more condemned obscene and subtle sounds of love awake the dove to fly and not come back, promise nothing has to last until the final act and we with reason know and gently die.

Antler Milwaukee, Wl

For Greg Louganis

To live once more as stores are stocked with latest fashion and the floors are swept and relics where dumb faith is kept and business men reformed by honest wives and God wakes up and saints their banners raise and all that comes to be is past; wine to water does return and ash from bones that burn and lips a lover still might kiss though nothing reassures that all the rest won't last.

Today I have sent out my eyes the way a flood basin kneels into the spine of a river: a sweaty folklore rubbing up against you It was because I wanted to see eternity as the crow flies an ecology drunk on you: your spine like bamboo your sweat like moonshine

Frederick Davis Seattle, WA

John David Grayson Knoxville, TN

ip fo ri n r

in te r io r

i knew i'm mere than a penis so why is that all i touch? i know i'm more than spunk why is that what i'm looking for7 is that the sum of me? is that my output7 i know there is mere inside the rest of me more even inside my prick where are the broken bits of melody, surges of rhythm that bore me those years ago? those years before drugs and seeking and sex in tight places may have wracked irreversible changes, have reversed or dammed up the flew of neurotransmitter rivers havei burned all my hormonal bridges7 but it's easy to drown in that morass of questions without lifesavers, so that you just have to throw line after line after line in after them and still they slip beneath, out of apprehending no there is a trace here did stalking those halls of gay Faroe, getting fucked in parks, swilling syrup, sucking dick, coming up fcT air, and then plunging down a glass, an ass, and then putting in another quarter to keep the pemkids grinding turning the same tired corner waiting for that damn lirasure song you've hoard eight times this time to be over, getting through your body shivering from th ea/ebut still breaking your neck to scope the fresh meat coming through the turnstile did the unthinking repetition numb you so much that you couldn't see it passing7 it that moment that last pitiful grappling up the face of am.<her body to reach a

mirage of being at peace did it really slip past you while you lay like Snow White in a glass coffin, waiting for IYInoe Wellhung to awaken you with a finger pop7 apparently

Short Story

~— 1o r

c o lo r still running, two and a half years "somuch growth." and still padng those halls, needing three or four nuts a day, jenesing to get fucked, sucked and reciprocate, to plunk quarters in the machines like they were you life-support system and this was an 1CU. it certainly had the disinfectant but nurses didn't go around mapping up the a im or did they? hew would you knew you never gat out af this goddamn pom theater there was always something happening here even if you had to make it happen Faris theater was my stage another rde. i'd left behind the clothes, the facial hair, the trappings of the drug addict but the naked fetus was still there like an alien it needed another host, a way to mingle inconspicuously with the natives sowhat'reyou running from anyhow7 whose life is it anyway7 what happened so far back there7 if the drugs hadn't Mown so many memory cells maybe you could dig back through the files look up year four year three, five, six two what was wrong with you? you were pasty okay, you were as unathletic as a quiche, but who wasn't7 24

hey, you know that's not what matters how's that song go? "if I knewthen what I know now . " —but when you got that sports dictionary to bone-up on (what the hell any of it was about) so you could talk to them, th m y o k i didn't know //orthat you didn't have to do that you didn't knew that eventually you'd find people you could deal with i knew i liked that Travolta movie about the bubble kid way too much, but don't a J e t of kids go through all that shit? do they end up sucking-off four guys a day in a pern arcade? so you maybe didn't feel love twenty four seven: tough shit, why did a lead to th is b"l and where the M A s c l

being angry with all that worked, but were you so pissed off with yourself7 what started that crucifixion? where and when7 why does it feel so good to drive that nail? it's as reflexive as picking your nose or jerking off. you stopped using drugs when can you stop hating yourself? where's the offswitch? i can love, sure but there's always this barnade clinging fang-first to love’s underside the leech of condition, the pull of / n e e d ttv s

scheme sch em e

when did it all get mixed up? hug me = fuck me-hold me-suck me i just want to be held, all i need is a good nut man, that dick looks tasty, you know if i dose my eyes and just breathe, i feel so calm, ever there right here, in there inside here that this, somewhere along the line my directions got messed up it wasn't simply that i thought, that ever there will fix what's here, and that what's in here must fix itself or be fixed from in here, it's also that my directions were backwards, always looking out. for approval, when didi not get it? i mean, i got it from the first grade teacher, my parents, but obviously i didn’t get it the right way, the right time was it not having friends? or not feeling i did even when i had one or two? would the Wonka golden ticket of all-round approval have led me to anything else than a battle of cough syrup and a tab of fetal resentment7

Just OK

by w .c

Harris maybe it was that, even though 1 got approval, i could never accept it oh no you wouldn't say that you say that now', but you wouldn't say that if you could see what's in here — mercy, it hasn't been dusted in here for i don't knew how long, that’s why i never have visitors, my interior odor scheme doesn't match so i never invite you in but again, i’ve gotten it backasswards cart before the jet engine; and pulling the cargo by myself, uphill, barefoot, and fu c k n d a tn '/n e e d your help, s u r a knew hew to do this — when all the time i want to say h e fp m e but that part of me has been muted, something else in there was telling it, shut up. hold me. shut up. please hold m e they don't want to hear that just touch m e not sexually, just caress me, touch my hair shut up, that is weak, they will laugh, don't you feel your face already burning, your stomach twisting, do you want it to get worse? t h e / re already looking at you. my body too fat too flabby too pale not enough hair too much hair there no one wants it. that one's better, i bet they're much better in bed. not one day did i ever see what i liked in a full-length mirror let me re-state that, i liked it but i thought —i k n ew ~ they did not. and

a short story by George Cummins Every summer my parents would take us on camping trips. I remember one particular outing In the Rocky Mountains where I got to bring Jimmy, my buddy since second grade. Dad bought this rubber boat that gave us another dimension of mobility, especially useful on water to establish one’s own territory. After much discussion Dad allowed the two of us to camp on the island off shore— our own space away from authority and siblings. Freedom! We arrived at our special island mid-afternoon and set up the tent. Then what? It hit us both at the same time —the realization— we hadn’t brought our swim suits and here we were miles from strangers and separated from parental influences by 300 yards of water. It came to both of us without a word —it would be OK: accept the urge and take the plunge. Naked in five seconds, into the cold cold water —the challenge on— and, yes! We did it...and back! Out of the water we lay on the rocks heated by the sun...OK, suck the warmth of the rocks. Here we were. Would our parents approve? Does it matter? What if they never found out... We had taken showers together as kids but now we were, well, not kids...we were budding adolescents as could be with the overt changes in our bodies. Jim had developed hair above his penis; he was some six months my elder. My voice cracked now and then and my genitals were definitely developing, but I had no hair. As two innocent boys with much curiosity we began to explore his genitals together. He being older wanted to show me what it could do so he got it to cum as I watched this beautiful sight. What I had to look forward tol That night in the tent we got to explore each other’s bodies without reservation as it was OK. Such a great feeling to have a buddy to grow-up with and to have it be just OK

m underneath, that isn't good enough more longer, thicker stiffen smarter faster, if Madison Avehad my self loathing products would therefore began the arduous task, in isolation, since no one else would ever stoop to do it, of cultivating a love of my own body, of enjoying it, pleasing it. for a long time i thought no one would, or, no one feels this, or for chrissake, no one rfa th is

once again, out there it didn't penetrate a dick could get inside, but the place that ached was so much deeper, hold me shit, fuck me sounds much better.

93 with the drug scene* when someone finally did touch it, it was never the right way. or even if they seemed to enjoy, they're thinking "i've had better "

picked up the lingQ the rules, theprcwl, the leer, the silence and mastering the game gave me status for a while but inevitably the mask slips away fer a second, when no one else is looking i have seen the enemy and he is me

as many times as i wanted them to sa y "nice cock”, or "nice ass", or "you have a nice big dick, boy" it never took, because it was, 25

not only come out faster than they dQ they'd neve get made in the first place and the answer's here somewhere, it's just a matter of finding it among all the. ..i want to say rubble or junk not that it's all useful be it ever so fetid oh here it is hold m e i fed like Alice logic worked fer her this other one says suck me but when i suck it i shrink

maybe hold me will help me grew

they were not domesticated but still friendly nonetheless. They were not tended by any mortal, depending on no one, but were far richer than I: eternally free, but with a freedom earned daily. The more I contemplated the playful little furballs' seemingly carefree existence, the more I realized that freedom alone was not what they were content about I realized that, unlike mine, their lives meant something. I continued my envious observation of these cuddly, little creatures and meditated about the lives they led in their miniature society, here in this habitat resembling a zoo for animals like me. The penitentiary. I discovered they were not content and in peace because they had social status, companionship and love, while they did what they wanted —in accordance to Mother Nature’s laws— and harmed none. Nothing was handed to them free, as it was given to and demanded by me here in prison. The cats worked, hunted, and fought for what they had, deserving every bit of it and were much happier with their lives than any pet cat I had ever encountered, and immensely happier than I. Looking in Mother Nature’s Mirror of Life, I found myself a dark shade of green from envying those penitentiary cats. Not because they had everything they wanted and needed, but because they earned it. Their lives had purpose and direction, mine did not; I was an aimless and worthless being. Killing myself would have ended my pointless existence, yet I was already dead. What good would suicide do me or anyone else? Self-alienated from my family because of the disgraceful way 1 had mistreated and abused them. I felt alone and unloved and worthless. More and more slit wrists seemed the only way out of my selfcondemnation; I didn’t even want to work toward an honorable death. Still, day after day, unable to put an end to my miserable life, I watched my furry saviors frolic through the exercise yard, peace and happiness radiating from their very souls. Comparing my life with theirs, I decided to change. I wanted meaning to my life. I wanted to live without harming others, and to make something of myself Unbeknownst to those four felines, their presence in prison saved me from an inane life, and

The Penitentiary Cats That Saved Me. by Phoenix Ne’ermor Once a nonproductive burden on civilized community, I believed that I was free to do whatever was my pleasure, regardless of the consequences to Mother Earth, other living creatures, or myself I thought everyone to be indebted to me; taking what I wanted in the way of money, sex, love and anything else I could get my greedy little claws on. I stole it all from men, women and children, as well as from my family and friends. All was done without intent of repayment and without regard for the pain I caused or the consequences I would reap from the wicked seeds I had sown. My criminal and deviant lifestyle finally caughtup with me. I had been tossed unceremoniously, but justly, behind bars to be punished for my evil deeds, as well as to protect law-abiding citizens from my perverted wickedness. 1 was incarcerated —branded a convicted felon— a disgrace to myself my family, to society, and to the Gods. At first I did not like being told what to do. but when I looked around I found 1 could still take whatever 1 wanted from society, therefore prison was not much of a punishment for me. It provided me with plenty of nutritious food to eat, clean clothes to wear, and a warm bed to rest my lazy carcass, as well as many other conveniences and "luxuries” that I could not afford when I was "free." I was extremely pleased because I did not have to toil, sweat, and steal for all those goodies: they were my "right" and were to be given to me free of charge. Swearing that the State of Texas would pay for taking my freedom from me I quickly joined the ranks of institutionalized inmates to receive the luxuries of education, medicine, color television, and a wellequipped recreation department. I devoured and abused all I could get and still demanded more, because I felt it was all “owed" to me, yet I had done nothing to earn it. I^did not even have the right to be alive. This type of attitude and behavior went on for quite a while, far longer than the Gods should have allowed. 1 grew more complacent with my “easy” prison lifestyle, as the wasted days slowly crept by in my worthless and pitiful life. I was absentmindecfly staring out the barred windows of my cell one day, when reality struck a resounding blow to my thick, hollow skull. In this achromatic environment of concrete and steel. I spied a quartet of colorftjl cats casually strolling across the dismal and gloomy prison yard. They had furry smiles of serenity and contentment gracing their whiskered lips. Their brilliant peacefulness illuminated a rainbow of hope within my dark and wicked heart, and brightened the recreation yard as well. They were a beautiful sight to behold, for eyes weary of years and years of self-pitiful tears. This motley litter were common house cats, 26

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what is more important to me, they saved me from a useless suicide. 1 am thankful that I am no longer satisfied with the easy lifestyle I had cultivated and grown accustomed to. My future will be dedicated to recovery, my family. Mother Earth, and everyone who has helped me make something of myself as a demonstration to them that their valuable time has not been spent in vain. I will also be dedicated to the wildlife — human and feline included— and to the environment of Mother Earth, caring for her and protecting her from destructive demons, such as L Like those four fellow creatures, I will use the education of life that I have experienced, to earn my keep, to help both human and animal societies, and for the good of Mother Earth. I will live by society’s ethics, man's rules. Nature’s laws, and by the Wiccan Rede ...a n ' y e harm none, do what y e w ill.... thereby giving my life new meaning so that when I look into nature’s Mirror of Life I will see a furry smile of contentment upon my bearded lips. All this thanks to those penitentiary cats

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March 12 into the Montana

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Territory. Everything I've ever known has already drifted past me. the muddy brown waters of the Missouri led me through this maze of Ponderosa Pine and Douglas Fir. The unfamiliar: Here, river rocks the size of a man's foot crowd my heart. need to know of me for now.

I am full of sorrow and longing.

For that, I'm guilty.

And that's all you

Pink Barter is the jack who runs this death trap. He hired me and all the other dead beats that work it. We carry thirty hogs and six dozen chickens to Fort Benton for trade at Spring Rendezvous. This year, we took on five hundred pounds of flour and seven hundred pounds of sugar. he's not so shy that he won't take gold. I'm with him on that. This is Fort Benton.

The banks of the Missouri teem with naked men:

Pink wants fur for trade, but says

Smart,

March 14 well proportioned bodies

bathing in the sun. All of them nap and bristle. Fine looking trappers and traders, indians, soldiers, miners and other supply freighters. My eyes bend watching them dip and rise at the river's edge. I am starving for their skin. But the piercing shriek and dull belch of chickens and pigs pulls me away from all that. Everything is a clank and rattle of cook pans and mining gear as we tear down Pink's raft and build the corral. March 15 In my dream, I am walking this morning, early, the air nags thick with Spring, clinging to me, inseparable, like a shadow. I follow a tiny creek feeding the Missouri, twisting and turning haphazardly through the alder and spruce. I duck into a small thicket hoping to find a good bathing pool. instead, I find Burl Hart. he stands in the creek with fresh water rushing at his knees, panning gold I suppose. hie red suspenders stretch across his furry belly, holding the denim britches in place. and handle-bar mustache, Burl looks like the strong man in the circus. He grins Burl Hart!

I love the sound

of his name.Burl Hart.

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of his

With the moon shaped head his mischievous grin. underarm.

Later. the wink of his

eye. I love the way he lays on top of me at night and breathes into my face. I love his men dog and his wagon full of junk. Good as gold: Burl Hart. If love were a train, I am dead on the tracks.

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criminal. By Jonas

Trusted With Freedom? By John Bissell My experience smoking marijuana show's me why its outlawed in America. Not even scientific study is permitted, it’s danger is deemed so great! Does this mean it’s more danger ous than atomic energy? When I smoke marijuana I slew down, relax, have the expanded awareness of a different viewpoint, feel more intuitive, and joyous. Since marijuana assists me to see more clearly it threatens the illusions and denial the collu sion of business, media, government, and religion perpetuates with police and armies. I see through the hoax they call “private property” 1 laugh that they think tho' know what’s best for me. I see the mad ness of the suicide course our greed has us on. In America today our educational system destroys our imagination, work takes our self respect, and our entertainment's numb us pas sively. Hundreds of millions Americans use drugs to bear the emptiness of corporately programmed lives. Acid and marijuana give vision. Money and possessions substitute for real self worth. Coffee, crack, and antidepressants compensate for the energy we waste doing what’s unnecessaiy. Tranouilizers. tobacco, alcohol, and heroin lessen the pain of lives lived contrary to nature. Amphetamine, gasoline, and computers help us to go fast enough not to see the damage we do. Television distracts us from seeking truth. Drugs that business can control and sell for a profit remain legal; the others of course not. Most drug related criminal activity takes place because a drug is illegal, not because of the drugs effect on consciousness. By blaming the drugs, however, a war can be declared against them. The War On Drugs provides a great excuse for our government to steal personal rights, property, and power from us on an unprecedented scale. It is human nature to want to alter our consciousness (chil dren twirl till they fall as an example). Drugs like everything, can be used beneficially or abused. We who benefit from marijuana use need to speak out. If we don’t who will correct the official propaganda? Californians aware of the great healing Qualities of

'h a s

marijuana are asking voters to legalize its medicinal use. Did we learn anything from prohibition? It didn't and doesn’t

work. Isn’t it time to look unflinchingly at ALL our addictions?. Who’s to say I or you can’t be trusted with freedom? m

H I P P I E S DRUGS AW D C H I L D R E N o r

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C A N N A B IS TO W ERS Medical Marijuana Mecca Under A tta c k on the Eve o f Legalization b y H erb

K ind & B ud Stone

A s RFD went to press, three m onths before a voter referendum expected to legalize the m e d ica l use o f m arijuana in C alifornia, the five y e a r-o ld Cannabis Buyer 's C lub (C B C ) in San Francisco was shut down by state p o lic e and a c o u rt order.

The C BC had so m uch lo c a l s u p p o rt

This article was already written when we heard about the bust. The story travelled fast. We were standing on line in Kinko’s and the story flashed on CNN headline news and reported (incorrectly, as it turns out) that the CBC had re opened that same afternoon. It seemed plausible, for the CBC’s very existence from the start has been about defiance and beating the law. The City of San Francisco is considering action to declare a State of Medical Emergency. It wouldn’t surprise us if the CBC is open before this reaches you. But for the time being, a court injunc tion has closed down the CBC. Says Lynne Barnes, the CBC’s vol unteer outreach coordinator, “People are calling up on the phone crying, ‘What am I going to do? What am I going to do?’”

that the San Francisco p o lic e and even the US A tto rn e y fo r San Francisco were u n w illin g to m ove against it.

B u t under orders fro m C alifornia's

conservative and p o litic a lly -a m b itio u s A tto rn e y G eneral D an Lungren. m ore than 100 state troopers, arm ed w ith m achine guns, s to rm e d the b u ye r’s club at 7 :3 0 on Sunday m orning. A u g u st 4th. The p o lic e made no arrests, althoug h they confiscated 150 lbs. o f m arijuana. 4 0 0 live m arijuana pla n ts and $ 6 0 ,0 0 0 in cash. Even m ore distressing, they took posession o f the buyers c lu b ’s com puters and m em bership records, w hich containe d the names, addresses an d c o n fid e n tia l m edical records o f the C B C ’s 12,000 members. The search w arrant was re p o rte d ly 44 pages long. "It ’s a h ig h ly unusual case. ” SF’s c h ie f assistant d is tric t attorney was Quoted as saying in the N ew York Times. "w here the D A and the Federal governm ent w o n ’t prosecute, and law enforcem ent has shoppe d the case a round to see w ho w ill. ” Indeed the CBC was a h ig h ly unusual place, breaking the law to the tune o f w e ll over Fifty pounds o f p o t a week, and th riv in g in the g ra y area o f righteous c iv il disobedience w ith strong p u b lic support. A A A

AAAAA

A VISIT TO THE BUYERS CLUB We visited the CBC last winter and spoke with its founder, Dennis Peron. The buyer’s club, fast es tablished as a San Francisco insti tution, is located in a four-story build ing, which Dennis refers to as “Can nabis Towers,” on Market Street, San Francisco’s downtown main drag. It operates publicly and in the open. The club had 7,000 regis tered members when we visited six months ago; as we go to press in early August, CBC staffer John Entwhistle reports that it has grown to 12,000 members. The procedure to join the SF buyer’s club is simply to bring medical documentation of your condition (HIV test results, some other diagnosis, letter from a health care provider) to the CBC. A A 4

This story is about drugs, ‘cause that’s the theme of this RFD and ‘cause I’m on the cover and ‘cause I have lots of experience with drugs, which is a hard thing to say in The Big World ‘cause people think you’re an addict or stupid or both. In Faerieland, however, there seems to be a more live and let smoke feeling, an appreciation for altered lifestyles. Still, it’s not totally cool to do a lot of drugs in Faerieland, ‘cause then you do get really stupid and that’s only OK if you’re cute, and even then, it wears thin real quick. This is a story about the bountiful and no-cost contact high and how my childhood experiences helped me to be where I am today. I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, and so I had a lot of exposure to people on drugs. I also grew up not reallv knowing what drugs were or anything about the concept. My

As the dub’s open hours approach, a crowd builds in a wait ing room on the first floor, where there is also a se curity desk where mem bers must show their cards to be admitted. The wait ing room is enveloped in clouds of marijuana smoke. On the second floor are offices and the nerve center of the Califor nians for Compassionate Use (CCU), a grass roots organization trying to place a voter referendum on the ballot. In the office, the phones ring constantly, volunteers package peti tions and literature, people discuss endorsements and strategy. In most re gards the scene is just like any lo cal political initiative. Except for the smell of marijuana, and everyone taking breaks every so often from their assigned task to refill a pipe, have a little toke, offer it to col leagues or guests. It’s a wonder they get so much done. Continuing our tour: the third floor is devoted to cheaper Mexican pot (the cheapest we saw was $5 per eighth of an ounce), and the fourth floor to California pot (up to grade AAAA at $80 per eighth). “We buy it all, every gram of it,” ex plains Dennis. “We have to buy it, on the underground market with in flated prices of course, and then I just pass on the inflated prices to everyone else.” The upstairs counter also features baked goods, from the traditional brownie to rice crispy marshmallow treats and

Ivegan cookies, as well as marijuana prlls and tinctures.

into big bucks. ‘I am merely the guardian of all this money and I have to do the right thing with it," Dennis says. Like renting a fourstory building, paying a 55 person staff and funding a voter referendum drive. "I am not in this for money," Dennis insists. “It is about making marijuana available to people who are sick." GREEN MEDICINE

Marijuana is used for heal ing in a variety of ways. People have found this ‘green medicine’ helpful to alleviate pain and nausea, stimulate the appetite, con trol muscle spasms and The display case at the Cannabis Buyer's Club. cramps, prevent seizures, treat glaucoma and mi While we interviewed Den graine headaches, relieve asthma nis, when the club was closed, the attacks, overcome insomnia and staff was sorting and weighing out help overcome addictions to other

pot. The sheer volume of it was so enormous it seemed surreal. Peri odically the sorters would wipe resin that had accumulated on their fingers into a pile. (Your veteran investiga tive reporters knew that was the pile to follow.) According to Dennis, the CBC was selling 40 to 50 pounds of marijuana a week when we visited and there were half as many mem bers as now. All that pot translates

substances. People also use it to relieve stress and depression, and to help them to not focus so much on the fear and discomfort associ ated with illness. Marijuana is no panacea. It is not the cure for AIDS. But many people living with AIDS and other serious illnesses have found pot to be good medicine, improving their

I 1......................................................................................... , : ........................................................................ ; y

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family would go into San Francisco every weekend, usually to Chinatown, Haight Ashbury, or Golden Gate Park, and yet I was quite naive as to why people were so colorful and flamboyant. I just knew that I loved Hippies and Faeries a lot and that I would someday grow up to be a like that. I’m proud to say that this has happened. I now live the faerie lifestyle year round, half the year at Short Mountain, Tennessee, and the other half at a Faerie house in San Francisco. My first experience with drugs was in 1971. I was five years old, at Yosemite National Park, camping with my family. One night around the campfire, we were hanging out with all the Hippies. Everyone was a Hippie then and everyone smoked pot and ate acid and mushrooms and ludes and whatever else. After all, this was the early 70*s in California. So JL L

CA N N A BIS TOW ERS health and helping them to live bet ter longer. Marijuana is also fre quently listed as a possible immu nosuppressant. Dennis Peron ar gues that marijuana’s immunosup pressive effects have not been proven, and further that many use ful and effective medical treatments carry immunosuppressive trade offs. “Marijuana is no exception," he says. “You know that it is not good to smoke." Each day, hundreds of people with AIDS and people with many other medical conditions, and their caregivers, line up at the CBC to buy marijuana, and to smoke it, too. “When they get here they see an open, well-lit place, people smok ing pot and relaxing,”observes Den nis. “It is very unique.” There are couches and chairs and ashtrays everywhere, and so many folks lounging around getting high that spending a little time there even without lighting up results in a con tact high. A MAN WITHA MISSION

Is this possible? In Amerikkka? “Anywhere around me in an eight block radius marijuana is legal,” said Dennis (months before the raid). His dedication to this particular cause began five years ago, when police came looking for pot in the apartment he shared with his lover Jonathan, who was suffering from AIDS and using marijuana medici

nally. “They threw him down the stairs and then when they found out he had AIDS they got rubber gloves, put a gun to his head. Here was a man covered with KS lesions and the cops turned into a bunch of ani mals." Dennis was arrested for pos

approved marijuana for medicine, but there was no way to get it,” re calls Dennis. “So I started the club to get it, in memory of Jonathan.” Five years later, the club has established strong local supp o r t .

CANNABIS BUYERS’ C L U B \ Marijuana provided by prescription only to club members.

NOT FOR RESALE TO BE TAKEN FOR P%n. Nausea Muscle Spasms. Arthritis, _____ Glaucoma ar.d loss cf Appetiie_______ ,

“We are c o n nected to e v e ry one in S

a n

Fran cisco, I am sure perscription label fromCBC of that,” D ennis session of the four ounces of mari boasts. In last year’s campaign for juana the cops found. At the trial mayor of San Francisco, both ma “Jonathan took the stand and told jor candidates supported the CBC the judge the marijuana was his, and and legalizing the medical use of the charges were dropped. marijuana. Dennis tells of a uni formed cop coming to the club to get Jonathan died three weeks later.” information to bring his aged aunt Dennis' political career with glaucoma. Friends who were stretches back to working with stopped by military police in the Harvey Milk, prior to Milk's 1977 Presidio, a military base in San F r a n c i s c o ,

were rel e a s e d

with their pot when t h e y

murder. Dennis himself ran unsuc cessfully for the office of Supervi sor in San Francisco in 1979. Draw ing on his experience and contacts from both political organizing and dealing pot, Dennis began collect ing signatures for a local San Fran cisco medical marijuana voter ref erendum The initiative reached the ballot and passed in 1991. “They

showed the cops that it was from the CBC. For all practical purposes, medical marijuana is legal in San Francisco.

THE REFERENDUM Now the movement is grow ing, and the State of California is on the verge of legalizing medical

there was music and talking and the Fire and then everyone went to bed, but instead, I wandered off in the dark by myself, and got totally lost. I wasn’t scared or anything though cause I was tripping on the contact high and it was my first time being high and I felt like I was just being born or something. Everything was in color, even though it was a dark night. I wound up on some island in the middle of Mirror Lake and slept out there under the stars. I could see the stars and the moon reflected in the lake. It was quite serene and peaceful, perhaps the first time that I had been exposed to such serenity. I was so peaced out, having a good ole time, not a care in the world. Sometime in the middle of the night, I heard my mom and dad calling my name. They found me and were kinda freaked, really quite freaked out actually, but I do think my calmness calmed them down too.

marijuana. Twice the state legisla ture has passed bills to put referen dum^ on the ballot statewide to let voters decide whether or not medi cal marijuana should be legal. The legislature decided to let the voters decide, but California governor Pete tr^ e & t

We#, that was not necessary be cause of a bit of good fortune. Rnarx^bifonaireGeoigeSort«,alongtime stpporter of hemp products, read in the New York Times about the initia tive and petition drive, and donated 300.000 dollars to help put the initiative before the voters. With this addtoonal turning the CCU was able to pay to hire people to collect the signatures. The initiative qualified for the ballot with 800.000 signatures collected. Propo

t est y”

Wilson used his veto power to keep the question of Medical Marijuana from coming before the voters.

The other way to get a ref erendum on the ballot in California is through a petition drive. At the time of our visit to the buyer’s club, the CBC was in the midst of collect ing signatures to place a Compas sionate Use initiative on the Califor nia state ballot. At the time they were not sure that they would be able to get the requisite 600,000 sig natures. To quote Dennis Peron, “To get 600,000 anything. 600,000 pen cils is enormous.” The CCU had 80 days left and an estimated 100,000 signatures collected. The prospects for an initiative that the Governor couldn’t keep off the ballot were looking less than favorable. But there was still hope, and plans for future projects in the event that the petition drive was unsuccessful. When asked if they would try an other petition drive, Dennis re sponded that his next step would be to think globally, act locally and do small initiatives in Los Angeles and San Diego. m

i I

I II ll

Most polls are showing the initiative passing by at least 60% of the vote, with the most current poll showing 73% in favor of it. In addi tion to the support indicated by the polls, a number of organizations and public figures have publicly pro claimed support for the initiative. The list of supporters is very large and includes medical organizations (ex the San Francisco Medical So ciety and the California Nurses As sociation), senior citizen organiza tions, (ex. Con gress of California Seniors, the Gray Panthers), patient advocacy groups (ex. The National Coalition for Cancer Survivorship, vari ous AIDS organiza tions), newspapers (Orange County Register, San Fran cisco Examiner) and such people as Patrick Duffy, Jack Lemmon, and George Zimmer (owner of the Men’s Warehouse chain). Californians for Compassionate Use {1444 Market Street, SF, CA 94102] is raising money to take out full-page newspa per ads prior to the election.

Dennis Peron, Founder of the SF Cannabis Buyer’s Club.

sition 215, the Compassionate Use ini tiative, will come before California vot ers on November 5. m m

____

Endorsements have been slow in coming. “The demonization of marijuana is pretty ny deep, U deep,” says Dennis. “Until the le

I never talked about this incident with my parents until about ten years later. We were at Yosemite again, and I suggested we go for a hike to Mirror Lake, so off we went. On the way there, I recounted my story of drug-induced island stupor, and they swore up and down that it never happened that way at all. When we got there, Mirror Lake was all dried up but the island was still there in the middle. It all looked the same as I remembered. I guess it was all a dream, and yet I’m absolutely certain that on some deeper level, this was a druginduced experience. I can still remember it ail so clearly. I think it was this experience that first showed me blissed-out adults, child-like grown ups, big and colorful beings. My second drug experience happened in 1973 or 1974, when I was seven years old. My parents had gone away on one of their seasonal weekend trips and left me and my nine year

'VYYYYYYYYYYYYYYV %%

CANNABIS TOW ERS

How to Use a Glass or Water-Pipe (Bong) for Smoking Marijuana

demonization slows down people are afraid to jump on board.” The major organized opposition to the referendum has come from law en forcement officials. But even they are not uniformly against it. In Tuolumne County in eastern Cali fornia, the district attorney recently dropped a medical marijuana case. And contrary to claims that DAs op pose the referendum, many Califor nia DAs have remained neutral on the issue. To grassroots activists else where, Dennis offers some advice: “First of all, if you have a life threat ening disease you have to get over the disempowerment you have and I can see no better way to empower yourself than to find some medicine that helps you. Coming out about medical marijuana use for the first time is like coming out being gay, it is a struggle, you are frequently tar geted and harassed. It brings up a lot of fear, fear of the same kind you had when you came out. But when you do you feel so much better about yourself that in the end it seems like it is worth it. You know, it will take a long time to change public attitudes but if we never start, we will never change them. I en courage you to do the same thing we did. Words of inspiration, I hope.” With the reeferendum on

Bowl (usually with a fine screen) Mouthpiece-fthis stem does not extend below water level)

Wafer Level

Platform/Stand Place a small amount of marijuana into bowl. Apply flame to pot and inhale smoke through mouthpiece.

From a CBC brochure.

the road to passage into law, and the politically-motivated closing of the CBC, will green medicine con tinue to be the province of the grassroots? Or will it become a lu crative government-regulated fran chise for big agricultural-chemicalpharmaceutical corporations, with access controlled by doctors? We cynics can speculate about that in our (<, marijuana-induced?) para noia. Nevertheless, it will be very exciting to have the demonization

of marijuana shattered enough to find out. Then maybe we can start a real dialogue about other things like drug use, the waste of taxpayer dollars on a completely unsuccess ful war on drugs, government in volvement with drug cartels, the huge percentage of tho United States population jailed for drug of fenses, etc. ^

old brother with a babysitter. The babysitter was pretty cool, in her early 20’s with long straight blonde hair like Marcia Brady’s. She was a little spaced out and so she wasn’t too up on the supervision thing. My brother and I liked her for being so laid back, and we gave her a hard time, being noisy and disruptive when she was trying to study, that sort of thing. The sitter wanted to take my brother and I to the first ever Haight Ashbury Street Fair. My parents said it was alright, and my brother and I were always up for an adventure, so we said sure. At the Street Fair, my brother and I found the first opportunity we could to wander off by ourselves and explore the hippie-dippy streets of San Francisco. No sooner had we begun our excursion that 1 started tripping and hard. This was a really intense contact high, and I was in the middle of a gooey rainbow bubble, bouncing along, bumping into and merging with O O O O O Q O O O O O O O O O O OOO o o o o o o o o o o O O O 0 0 6 0 o o o o

old super 8 and roll some black and white footage of my By Theo Angel!

own. I get Alister tying his bow tie and curling the ends of his mustache in the mirror. He turns and looks at the cam

We picked out our tuxedos and dressy whatnots at the

era with his arms down at his sides not really sure what to

Phantasmagoria late that night smoking cigarettes and lis

do, trying to achieve a completely neutral stance I suspect

tening to Cab Calloway and Fats Waller et. all. The Phant’s

even though neutral isn’t natural. Hope it wasn't too dark

best late and dark like this with just those who belong to it

in the room, just before leaving I roll a few joints for later and place them just so in my ciga

getting high and immersing ourselves in the okl world asthetic. like kids playing

rette case. Then the holy sacra

grownup. A museum where you can touch and wear anything you like, it

ment, in the name of the Father. Son, and Holy Ghost,

took a while finding a tux that fit

wash it down from where it

me perfect. I kept wanting to pick

sticks white on the tip of our tongues with bad tap water

one that looked good on the hang

from disposable plastic cups. Already feel that tingle in my

er. The ‘3 0 ’s tuxes with their high sharp collars and beauti

stomach with my jaw glands

ful embroidered trim. Alister

going cra2 y .*A little heavy on

insists that the fit on the bod is

the strychnine this batch. I’m

numero uno. So I try them all

the driver again and I pull away

on and end up with a ‘50’s

from the curb with a nasty crash

number though the ‘50’s are

rattle from underneath. The

hardly my idea of decadence.

muffler has come disconnected. For chrissakes let’s take a

We were late getting out of there. I drove fast, made it to Seattle in two and a half listening to |imi and smoking joints, Alister handing them over to me and me just breath

cab and fix it later. The cab man is purely amateur. Go to New York and take a course in how to get there fast. We do get there however and everyone stares. O f course we look

in’ it in and keeping my ^ e on the road. Sandra Bernhard

hot, there’s not another tux in sight. Is this a Wagnarian

was in town, so the Moore was full and the St. Regis too. One room left in the Commodore. There’s white trash refugees lurking in the lobby watching black and white tele

opera or a fucking forestry convention? Lai y son’s of pio neer bitches, where’s your sense of the eternal moment? Our seats are fairly good ones. Fifth row. We settle down

vision where obsolete humor and antics makes no splash in

and wait for it all to begin. Lohengren. The blond hero

their stagnant mind pools. Our room’s perfect. Even has a

comes to unite the Krauts against the hordes of the Fast,

view. Huriy shower, shave, get dressed and I pull out my

se subtext of coursei those nasty, dark skinned hordes. Merely si § I I I I m•* m # * t mt k I l i a . t / . i i i f l i i l i r . a aa

the other bubbles around me. I remember all the plants, the trees and bushes on the sidewalks, coming alive in an animated sort of way, moving about as if they were alive. I think this was my first realization that plants are alive, and that I want plants around me as much as possible. My brother and I wandered around for a while checking out all the groovy people and the colors, and then we heard live music so we went to see where it was coming from. Janis Joplin was on the stage at Haight and Stanyan and the babysitter was there too. She was so freaked out at us, but I was pretty casual about the whole thing, real chilled out and cool. I don’t know to this day how long we had been wandering. It was probably for a like many ifetimes. net about an hour, but it seemed

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world like the most pathetic of dogs han

The real meat is struggle

kering to get his head scratched. Good

between faith and

boy. Scratch scratch. Then I had a vision

doubt, truth and

of the dog jerking his hind leg in uncon

the

trickery.

trollable reaction to getting that

The

special place touched, every dog

females are the ones

has a place like that, usually the

and cause all the

neck. So anywho, I saw the swan

doubting

trouble. The men

going paddle, paddle under the water

are basically virtuous

and propelling himself uncontrollably around the pond,

and courageous even when

zig-zagging and bumping into the edges and everyone try

they fuck up. So the lights finally go down and everyone

ing to catch him. "Oh the Swan. The Swan”, they were

claps. Al and I trade our secret looks because the D D T is

singing, and the Swan’s making like a pinball racking up the

really starting to kick in. We re so close to the orchestra

points. I relay this to Alister through the hysterical laugh

that the music sounds and vibrates through our seats.

ter and cigarette of the first intermission. And I’m buying

Twilight moment of sheer beauty revealing tender hopes

us champagne this cra2 y woman comes up and tells me to

and fears. It promises heaven if you'll only sit and listen.

buy her a glass of wine. She’s got a hippie look to her so I

No Questions, don't ask even your own name. Your hero

ask. "Red or white?"

doesn't need a point of origin, no history is necessary for

"Red."

the moment to explode and propel you out there where you

“Thereyou go."

want to be. And that’s just the overture.

"It’ll come back around to you”, she says. Then she starts in about how the opera is all about her.

The curtain rises and the set is by no means on the hero

I ask "Why? Did you learn how to shut up and ask no

ic level so I know I’ll have my eyes closed and my own land

Questions about your man?"

scape will take me there. Swirling voices like waves through

Like a lot of hippies she didn’t Quite get my drift and she

tall trees cross the fields cooled by rivers eternalized in the mosaic heights of space and stars. This is the opera that

took off on a cosmic and mostly indecipherable monologue

blew the mind of a young mad King Ludwig of Bavaria. He

of great importance.

had a subterranean lake made and floated around on it late

"Crazies are attracted to energy”, said Alister later, and

at night, in a swan boat with smoking torches all in a swoon

I was a hardly contained bombshell of hallucinogenic vibra

over the genius of his hero. Were that his spirit had been

tions shooting out my finger tips and eyes. Who could

with the art department.

blame her?

The moment arrives, the black drop parts and our hero

The rest of the show went on and I was

enters in a boat pulled by a beautiful white swan. Except

moved almost to tears. Until the end when

there is no boat, just some kind of platform and the hero

the Swan came back to take the hero away.

looks like some guy named Lariy drinking Miller High Life

But no one wants to have their hero taken

down at the bar. And the Swan is a misfortunate casualty of

away and in unison they all sing. "Oh

the stiff puppeteer.

no. The Swan The Swan."

You deserved grace and dignity, mystery and worship,

Which is exactly what Alister and I

and when your fine head and neck arch up to say farewell

are thinking. We almost lose it with the

there was a jerk and shudder and you looked for all the

silent giggles. We couldn’t dare look at

My childhood experiences with contact highs gave me glimpses into other worlds where dreams happen all the time. I learned of an exciting and vibrant way to view life, and I knew from then on that I wanted to be a psychedelic root puller, a multidimensional multicolored munchkin, definitely not a mundane paper pusher. I still love contact highs. They are almost always available, free, easy, legal, and if I’m having a bad trip contact high, it’s easy to get out of. All I have to do is leave the room. Happy highs, y’all! <^}

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each other. Scratch, scratch. Paddle, paddle Outside we crack up and x goof around and there's some

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bearded dwarf curled up with a dented tuba and he's farting out these rumbles and souawks like a dying dragon. He was my hero for

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the night. Except for Alister. when we got

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back to the car and he lays a blanket under

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the rear end of the Rivy and proceeds to

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tie the muffler back in place without get ting even a speck of grease on his person. We fly off in the Seattle night still high on

the acid looking for food. We can't eat

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once we finally get our hamburgers and the music there is

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so vulgar after what we've just experienced, the bitter taste of “real life".

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Back in the Commodore we pull off the covers and lay

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on the sheets hot and muggy with the window open trying

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to seduce a breeze into the room. We’ve a long night ahead

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of tired but wakeful bodies. We roll smoke after smoke in our underwear, getting up to splash cold water on our

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heads eveiy hour or so. Alister casually finds my cock in my

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shorts and gets it hard. He spits in his hand and goes to work; talking all the while about this and that. He’s got a M»> light hearted approach to sex and we sprawl on the sheets and smoke and laugh and jack off a little now and then. The sky is getting light out the window and I stare at the change with my head hanging upside down off the edge of the bed

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black tea that I have after the evening meal. Lots of caffeine there. Caffeine is a very On S y n e rg ie s a n d Such: Apollonian substance having correspon S om e H T aaieai U s e s of D ru g s dence to Krishna, Adonis, Ra, and the other b y S a h a h a n a n d a solar phallic deities. To more properly invoke another deity, you might ingest some other vegetable drug—say belladonna (for Now that Dr. Tim has dematerialized or Kwan Yin) or watercress (for Khephra). discorporealated or whatever, it might be As my own sadhana(spiritual practice) nice to remember some of the things he pertains to Shiva (and especially his taught us about the use of chemical sub androgynous aspect, As Ardh-narishwara), I stances to alter our mood, put us in knew from the start that some form of shamanic trance, or assist us in the cannabis would be involved, but as the working of the magick at hand tables of correspondence in Liber His first rule, numero uno, is that 777 (the ritual-writer's desk ref you never knowingly give a psy erence) indicate, Shiva has more choactive substance to an than one rupa (or form). Thus, unsuspecting person, even if it may also be honored with such is your lover. The reason cerebral excitents: as the should be obvious, but for amphetamines and anyone who cant think of it, ephedrine (for Shivatry to remember what hap Kartikreya/Aries), or even pened to Art Linkletter’s with sugar (for Shivadaughter when she took Nandi/Taurus). As many LSD knowing a bit about its magician friends have point potential in some subjects for ed out to me, the tables brief episodes of schizophre are a bit arbitrarily nia. When she hit the ^ a p p o in te d street outside her high rise For Vffl° (autosexual) work New York City digs, Ms. L. ings involving homage to Lord Shiva made a very loud “TALPS” (That’s as lingam, I have had extraordinary success “splat" spelled backwards.) Next, try to keep track or what you have with the following admixture, which may be a “dangerous synergy, but it is effective ingested, whether by way of the stomach, nonetheless: lOOOmg of yohimbe bark, a lungs, or anus. (Yes, Virginia, in the late 60’s we administered peyote enemas to our few tokes on a joint of moderately good marijuana, and occasional snorts of both selves and our fellow astronauts of inner “poppers” (designer amyl nitrite) and ethyl space, the bitter pulp of the cactus—the chloride, which may be sprayed into a dis part containing the mescaline—being nau posable surgical mask placed over the seating and stomach-upsetting as to make mouth. This allows the celebrant to appre this method an obvious alternative to the usual cactus shake.) Remember what hap ciate the full meaning of dehatattva, or “godbody” (to use an ingenious word of the pened to that other celebrity whose over poet, James Broughton’s) of a good variety worked heart got its final licks on a combi of subjects in the rupa or form of whatever nation of about 13 different licit and illicit visual stimuli one might employ (e.g. every chemicals. Fools rush in, indeed! I myself have taken to jotting down what thing from the body of the Beloved, to “pornographic videos”). At least with the I have had since breakfast (exclusive of the latter, you don’t have to look your best. preservatives in the Special K), beginning Alcoholic substances are almost exclu with the caffeine in my coffee and ending sively Dionysian, through it is said that the with the caffeine in the two-three cups of

glamour of usquebaugh is pleasing to such as Surya as

breast size!) 3. Amphetamines: Contraindicated for any magickal undertaking I can think of save, perhaps, certain mantic rites. 4. Barbiturates: May be of some use in very watery undertakings, such as, perhaps, invocations of the Neptune/Poseidon sort, should go a the voudoo oris ha, Yemaya ”&c. long way 5. Mescaline: Supposed to be good for toward operations involving the Hermes / Mercury bringing set of deities, though, having experienced _ Hecate to this substance on several occasions, I do your magick not see how it could be harnessed to any circle, but it is meaningful working of ceremonial magick. Possibly or use in geomancy. wise to remem ber that even 6. LSD: Probably good for mirror medi Dionysus had myriad forms, not the least of tations to the individual’s Buddha-nature. which was Bacchus-Diphyes, another Might be effective for contemplation of the androgynous deity. In my own experience, D harmadhatu. ethanol is practically useless for any work I would be interested in hearing from ing in ceremonial magick, though I had others who have had experiences as mem some success in what we now call “channel bers of the Cultus ing”—use of Astral Internet—and I found Cucurbitus. that it helped in some forms of shamanic Please endeavor. Liber Ba Neb Tet, or The Book o f write the Sacred Ram ofMendes is one such instance of a channeled work, one written in spurts, several of them during tequila highs. Unfortunately, I learned that I was one of the approximately 10% of the worlds population at any given time who cannot tolerate alcohol. Unlike NathSiddhas, Aghorias, and the more antinomian tantrik sects, I cannot drink and drive. If I might offer an opinion on other sub stances and their possible magickal uses... 1. Opium: If you are lucky enough to obtain it, it is superb for works of the Wand and visions of unicorns; invocations of Zeus/Jupiter and Amoun or Isis. I have only had this substance once. 2 Damiana: Absolutely necessary as a counterbalance to very yang drugs, like gin seng. A tea brewed from both substances is quite effective in sex-magickal workings of a lesser sort. An essential ingredient for rites Drawing: Tad Phillips involving invocation of various Aphroditetype goddesses, especially where the cele brant is cross-dressing for such purposes. (You may see an immediate increase in

One thing I love to do during a cave is to go right up to the Speakxsand let the m usic pum p r'tghWmugh me. It's verywagorating The m usic takes me. £n filled with visions of gorriv, 'jcs\ q>tho God, Goddess. I dance to be one with the music, one with my fel low dancers & one with the cosmos. You see, rav ing is going into that space in your head by tuning in to that trance beat. People will say “That’s phat,” meaning “Wow!! That beat is sending me out there."

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I’ve done what’s called candy flippin’ (acid & ecsta sy) and recently I did what I call an Over The Rainbow flippy (acid, ecstasy, mushrooms, herbal ecstasy, gin seng and ephedra). That’s where I took the name BABY. I started using a pacifier (and couldn’t commu nicate like an adult). Some people at raves will use pacifiers so they don’t grind their teeth while on drugs, and it’s also a great oral fixation. Of coarse, there are many people who don’t do drugs who come to raves; they come for the dance.

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I have gone to a place beyond this plane of e xiste n ce , Dancing E cstaticly, after ingesting one or more hallucinagens. I found m yself taken from my body, as space m usic fille d my head, dancing right beside other people doing the same thing. We are all in our own ways c e le brating the m usic, the dance, and higher co n sciousness. We are cele bra ting the noise, the big bang if you w ill.

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Gi n g r i c , 6

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party where svisyry people tak« p ^^e rL e lics (ecstasy, LSD. wshrooms, etc.) with non-stop music, m ch can put youh a very different state of consciousne i«, even without drugs. TVfex-es vs> sometime.*? ih m e nt, such

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as virtual reality, com puters on the internet, and visuals like laser lights, slide shows, videos, and p e o p le d a n cin g w ith c o lo rfu l glow lig h ts or clothes.

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beat!

yeur

Mus hi e

never c a me

Dark!

S a I« t i c e a n d

healing,

heaf!

Grasping

ManerHight

bail.

Stark!

In t h e

blessing

n Tuesdays,

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the

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Drink.

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hanjin

Playing

T reu bl e!

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meat

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There a l^ m a n ^ u D c u itu r e ^ n f^ at raves. I myself have encountered dead heads, hippies, gay people, and let us not forget the young ravers. At most raves people are very welcoming of each other and one another’s differences. No matter what, we all enjoy dancing.

Hearth

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b- ‘1

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HwtTub

ball.

t he char m Is F i r m a n d g o o d !

Community.

copy,

Anno Mouse

Permission

Incantlon change,

for warp

maglck and

Use.

A good DJ can take you on n tnp from Ground Zero to a Blast OFF irtfs s p a c e traveling at light across the gala y/of the dance floor. Just when you thwk light speed/s fast enough, w arp drive sets in and youtbody is loving! You're sw eating and m oving to the beats, when all of a uidden you realize, besides going warp A ive, you hear a sourvdthal may have been with y o ^ m e whole time. It feels like the tound tho/ tho cosmos might make Then you realize that you have left your body.......... Usually, all too soon for me, the DJ brings us back down to light speed to cool our engines down, proba bly because if you stay in warp drive too long you could blow. It feels good realizing we went to that place, wherever that is..........? We all have different experiences in life. I wonder why we as a race do not celerbrate our being, not as separate tribes, cultures and countries, but as a whole race of sentient beings. Raves tend to bring together many different people, to celebrate life through danc ing and music and for some, drugs. So Rave on space children, Dance, Trance, and Be one with the music. Peace and Love Baby

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Sangt

g e Burn a n d

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bail.

Gi n g r i c , 6

Pat,

Truffles

Charm

P a w e r f ul

L S T

Me n

Naked

Drumming Leather

as virtual reality, com puters on the internet, and visuals like laser lights, slide shows, videos, and p e o p le d a n cin g w ith c o lo rfu l glow lig h ts or clothes.

Lube

erd

Faeri es

set

the

l.use it

ef ji

hands

the

M aglcked

mushroom

tea.

this /

with

gift

Hearth

faerlehood! the

Radical

Then

f aerie

Tea! stacks

Kqui nex

Grace

y e Burn a n d

hips!

drips!

and h

B u 11 s - • - B u " O M P m ^ H T d Oh

seat!

in t h e

T Y

beat!

yeur

Mus hi e

never c a me

Dark!

S a I« t i c e a n d

healing,

heaf!

Grasping

ManerHight

bail.

Stark!

In t h e

blessing

n Tuesdays,

U ttiV V i \ V * uA w uV \Axc t a s & t . .

the

Ba r e a n d

P A

Stubble.

Wel f l l s

Me u t h s c a t c h i n g

A laving

nast y

Cavered

Drink.

HetTub

Daddies spank

Open

and

Herny

hanjin

Playing

T reu bl e!

Wa g e n ' ,

meat

D a lacthe

Tea

y e Bur* a n d

'The

Prime

A g a i n s t

Bubbles, Sweat

Hearth Off

T«e

Fl u s h e d d a w n

f e a t and L a v e

A* Butts

baked.

p l a y e d and b a wl *

e ef eal

Hearth

S al s it ce r aaai r knj w we ma k e ,

Ch*h i m

b- ‘1

Stubble

HwtTub

ball.

t he char m Is F i r m a n d g o o d !

Community.

copy,

Anno Mouse

Permission

Incantlon change,

for warp

maglck and

Use.

der. Water the desert. I will wait. I want someone to by Caeriel Zie say: You are beautiful, and mean not just my body but my spirit, my pain, my struggle, my dreams. I want to Open your hidden eyes and return to the root o f the be able to say these things and mean them with my root o f your own self. -rum i whole heart. I want to hold these same gifts in open hands and offer them without judgment, as the Zen The first time I dropped acid something Master does not encourage or discourage opened in me like a roaring mouth who arrive to sit at 5 AM every ^morning, does not praise or scold them chasm, a tremendous canyon sp between my old life and my new. coming or not coming. Take or sank into the depth o f my feeling [don’t take. without a splash, diving expertly like It was all clear on three hits. My the high divers at the Olympics. It ^ mind felt huge and connected with was a feeling at the peach stone o f everything. I was the pink o f the dawn. I was the smell o f basmati myself, the seed o f me, and for rice in a canary colored kitchen. I the first time I could name that was a tear falling from the eye of disconnected-ness, uneasiness, that slow ache in my bones like the a storm. I was rainbow ghost o f a tall blue rain. It was splashing on adobe. I called loneliness. was lightning striking It’s a common feeling, here, in swiftly and alone. ft H America. People are poorer here tha I also knew I had never almost anywhere in the world because been taught-most people had their isolation. For the first time I let m yself never been taught-how to ask for fully experience my feeling, become my loneliness. offer these things. All we knew For one thing, it was big. As big and open as the were Hallmark cliches. No one knows desert in Santa Fe, as yawning and blue as the perpet what “I love you” means to anyone else ually bright skies there, as dry and thirsty as the red anyway. Another thing I knew was that I had and orange earth, as loud and sharp as the thun monopoly on pain, my cavern o f loneliness no blacker or more treacherously slick than derstorms which sting the land. On LSD, I ,€ j * > stood in the center o f my own emotional anyone else’s. My heart blossomed like a raw, wet, mesa, the horizon stretching as flat as a rose, I smelled compassion-terrible, salty, fish on the map in all directions. rocks compassion-on the wind. It was for me and I named this desire: I want everyone else. someone to say to me: I will But J didn’t know what to do. The challenge o f psy hold you for as long as you chedelics is to carry their lessons out o f the trip into the need me to, I will hold up rest o f your life. It’s like trying to carry your clothes dry on your head across a white river full o f ash col like a flashlight all the _ shining parts ored rocks. I did what everyone does. I continued. We of you while you do the have something in us which endures, carries us onward dirty work o f wading even as our bodies cramp with desire; we grow stiff through your shit and composting it. I’ll let you cry with wanting until we are old and immovable. out all your tears without judgment, here is my shoul My way o f sweeping myself forward through my \%

life was wTiting. I want to stay as soft and wet as a sponge, absorbing and exchanging, flex ible, generous. I dropped acid and realized the ultimate nature o f my reality: I create it. It’s simple, my perception and belief defined it. We all make our own truth, and it seems to me the best interactions are when we allow ourselves to hear and share our truths. I want to move myself and move you. Everyday I write and my heart breaks over my notebook like an egg, the words cook the yolk o f it. The smell o f my bloody heart cooking on a page can fill a room, liver potato chips, sting the eyes. Writing is the only thing I know to move you with stir you bake you eat you. I can feel your heart listening pressing close against me like a cock, sticky hot, urgent. Isolation does not contain me in writing: A lion out o f its grasp, untamed, ferocious, showing teeth but also baring my throat. I use writing to tell you what I can’t say, tell you how it was for me in Asheville, how I spent my days writing and trying to escape noise. There was always noise. Dogs barking; the guy with the eye patch and the chainsaw next door, right out of some B-movie, hacking daily at an immense tree in his back yard, mowers; the neighbors radio at eardrum cracking volume. I’d stare at the piece o f silk Trick gave me which I tacked to the wall, its colors-rust, burgundy wine, algae-green, robins egg blue, cornflower, and white-seemed alternately like rat puke and the most beautiful I’d ever seen. Below that the cheap, ugly synthetic blanket I bought for a dollar in Liberty, lay like a mangy brown cur on my borrowed futon whose frame resentfully creaked and groaned a soundtrack to my night. I craved heavy rains, ocean and waterfalls. I went to a gorgeous swimming hole and curled up on the rough white rock like a dog and slept. I’d wake up and write. My heart was unfolding and sore just like the day after ice skat ing, all those unused muscles come to life. Katagiri Roshi, a Zen Master, said “Anything you do deeply is lonely.” What are Americans doing so deeply that we are so lonely? Have we buried our selves in the gray dust o f materialism? Are we blind to Vi

each other, dollar signs in our eyes? How many people charge card through this country, pre tending to feel full on what leaves me as empty as a drain. Acid and mushrooms dropped me into my own vastness like an ant into a toilet bowl. I craved something big enough to cover it all, to share and know this Mount Everest that was me. Acid scared me, love made me raw, writing did both. I said, “ Something’s here.” Both LSD and love made me present, notice every breath, touch, each whisper o f my moment. I know enough now to realize how little 1 know, how little I really have. It’s just this moment. And I can give you that. I want to hunt down your loneliness. 1 am a brush fire waiting for prey. The trees are blackened but do not fall, we are ready, especially queers, w e’ve explored all the hot smelly darkness o f our cunts and assholes, emerged as clean and wise and ready as daisies. Let’s stop bittering ourselves home on crooked feet, carrying our bodies like rifles, let’s mango, drip sweetness on the streets, let’s stop refrig erating our fears, I give m yself a rose across the eye. Present writing is like acid, we can dissolve on our own tongues and you and I can descend together into this moment, this Pilot bail-point, black in a blue lined spiral notebook like the kind I used in high school. This room, my body curled like an eel among the pine green sheets on the creaky bed. The sun taps me on the shoulder and runs a warm hand along my knee through my wine colored jeans. The fan turns, my armpits are wet. My hand is wrapped at once around my pen and around your hand, I am here alone and with you, wherever you are, stroking your eyelids, kissing your ears.

s '

:<v;

ter In a rush that feels like the whole uni verse flipping Inside-out. I am simply cat apulted out of my body and blasted into fjyperspace. and I lose consciousness. As I start coming to. I'm looking nowhere In particular, just visually drink ing It all in. There's no awareness of an T doing the looking. What I see. I am. and By Sterling MacKenzie Grafix: Nathan Kelly what I am. I see. I'm very definitely "some where." There's no dreaminess to this. I'm in some kind of room. This Is Real. Realer than real. But who I take the full hit. I keep inhaling or what am I? Still no sense of ego-personality, no sense of separate and inhaling until I can do so no more. selfhood just a localized point of awareness. Someone takes the pipe from The room Is an octahedron, shaped like rny hands as the trance falls because the threshold has been two four-sided pyramids placed base to base, or fast upon me and I close my like a fluorite ciystal. It's big. At least it feels eyes and lay back into the pif- cr06ee^ anci behind us are the big. Either that or else I am very small. 1 may be lows. Instantly, my field of vision is lim itatione imposed by concrete small; who knows? There's some sense that I'm filled by a mandala that looks like the rose-win seeing reality at Its smallest sub-subatomic level. Everything here Is luminous. Everything dow In a Gothic cathedral. A circle of brilliant m anifestation in physical form. Is Its own light source. All along the walls, I see white light defines Its center and It Is sur what looks like colored piping or clrcuitiy. The We become spirit-ized and, like rounded by multi-colored rays or spokes like surfaces in this place resemble something not too sharply defined panels of stained glass. All Persephone, are carried o ff in the unlike an Image in virtual reality, only there's this these panels arc continuously shifting colors, sense, this deep, deep felt experience of real changing In synch with a thunderous pulsating strong a r m € > o f Hades. All th a t ness, an immediacy, that leaves me dumbstruck in beat. It Is so beautiful and I am drunk with awe.

tew.

A TRAVELOGUE FROM WANDERINGS IN THE HYPER-DIMENSIONS

was lo st is found and we are a t Our relationship to

Psychedelic h@mily

psychotropic plants

th is is our place in Eternity. There is

home

neither p a st nor future to which we

with

can cling, and a tta chm e nts fall.

puts us in direct participation with

ourselves, in ourselves. The veil o f Projections fall. Letting go. And

the age-old conscious stepping into

Maya is sp lit and we are this very then the Voice comes from th a t

the Underworld, the Land o f the

moment standing in Eternity.

Dead. Beyond its gates all is alive

This our Life th a t we are creating, Home, and the M ystery comes, and

I still have enough body-consciousness to realize that I'm hyperventilating and that the colors of the mandala are changing to the rhythm of my breathing. “Slow it down." I tell myself. "Breathe slower." As soon as I stop hyper ventilating. everything flies into motion and the DMT trip proper begins. Without even enough time lor an "omlgod!" the mandala descends upon me. It gets bigger, filling all. and comes closer and closer until It engulfs me. As its white center approaches, all the rays or panels of this disc start to open up as if they are hinged at the outer extremities of the circle. I pass Into the white light as the panels swing outward from the cen

place within ourselves th a t is m ost

wonder. My psychic state is one of Union. I am part and parcel of what I behold, and It’s only in slow drips, like the melting of Ice. that anything resembling discursive rea1 son begins to come back to me. Only

ere ®re tw@ beiif 8

11@®tir\g in the midst @r this nn ti o t ^

unne structure.

in dim memory do I have even a vague recollection of my embodied self. Heart stand still. "Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my fucking god." There are two beings floating in the midst of this crystalline structure. They face each other closely in

space and their attention Is Intensely focused on some point between them. They don’t seem

I feel a kind of pull, a gravi ty. towards this center. Whatever they are doing. It feels Important, even solemn. This thing they spin - almost

weave - Is a vortex. Energies are drawn Into It and then transmuted Into who-knows-what. The realization Energies ®ne draw n int® it arvd then transm uted also comes that this Is death. I'm into wh®-kn@W8-what dead. I feel the pull of being “recy cled’' into the ebb and How of the cos to notice me. but how could my mos. I didn't know death would be presence elude them? I am Quite like this, and somehow I don't woven into the fabric of their exactly feel comforted. Not fright world. Up to a point, they ened per se. but shocked and bewll resemble us. Except for color, dered. their faces are like ours, and By this lime, it seems that their bodies - their torsos and enough of my ego personality has their limbs, up to the elbows and reconstructed Itself to make my pres knees - are proportioned like ence felt in Ityperspace. The being on vision - psychedelic or otherwise - this pos ours. The similarities stop here. Their arms and legs the left, without ceasing his activity, sesses a Quality of real-ness surpassing that of don't terminate In hands and feet, but instead keep turns and looks fully at me. I don't so-called waking really itself. Before this. I going and going until they vanish Into invisible small exactly have a body in this place, so I don’t think I knew what real was. I didn't ness. And I don't have the impression, cither, that don't know what he secs, but i have

This thing they spin - ®fm@st \umvc - is® vertex.

the ineffable Secret ie whispered

sacrament. And herein we lay hold o f the

Life. True Freedom. To

silently into our souls. And the

secret o f Resurrection : life th a t is Life is th a t

those alone who are in iti

soul responds: i t ’s okay to die.

which is lived out o f the letting go into death.

ated into these Mysteries

i t ’s okay to let go. There is noth The two are one. The two are one. This is the ing to cling to because there is

true message o f our psychedelic teachers. The

nothing which we do not already

visions, the voyages into Hyperspace, the alien

possess.

Entities - these are added bonuses to make

True grace. True

is th is freedom known.

Sterling

the journey exciting. Prinking deeply o f the the impression that for several very they just end in tapered points like tenta long and pregnant seconds, we cles. but rather that they just keep getting sweet cup o f Death, and passing - in th is mor stare into each other’s (yes. No so small that they can no longer be seen. real register of emotion on his This same kind of projection also extends ta l body - into the deyond, the fear o f death face. No surprise at my presence, up from off the tops of their heads - wa y up lust a calm knowing look that runs and then arching over. These have the loosens its grip on us. And with it, the fear o f deeper than the passions. appearance of a jester's cap, except that Wonder. I am lost, dumbfounded they are parts of their bodies. These caps In wonder. anticipate this. I had heard about the alien are striped: black and white horizontal stripes rising My attention is directed to encounters facilitated by DMT, but this up until they fade into the respective color of each the far end of the structure, to where exceeds my wildest expectations. being. llarlcQUlns and Hop! clowns. These Images 1 see a luminous dull white disc. These beings float, facing each come to mind. My attention is drawn especially to the Immediately I know that this disc slg other, and their arms and legs arc ail a swirl being to my left. Its face falls on the masculine side nlfles my Intellect and that I have lully around some unseen object between them. of androgyny and he is incredibly beautiful. He Is left it behind. It Is the passage Though not visible to me, I can tell that this stately, reverentially stately, and Icy In a manner that through which I had left my body, and thing Is round, like a large ball. They seem to puts In mind the descriptions of the old People of the simultaneous with this recognition. I be spinning it round and round. Their limbs Sidhe. Mis color is stunning. Like mother-of-pearl, he leave Ityperspace without so much as are almost a blur around it and their “caps” is a shimmering and opalescent greenish-purple. I am a backward glance, and I re enter my also wave about wildly. floored, absolutely floored. More than any other body with a resounding thud.

DRUGS! Part o f my “alternative lifestyle” for more years than I can remember. And wow, an article in RFD about drugs. Probably filled with all sorts o f trippy stuff, memories o f Woodstock, listening to acid rock, getting laid back (and getting laid!). But there’s another side, as I found out recently. Coming out. A lifelong process. As I say at all the Narcotics Anonymous meetings, “Hi, I’m Faygele, and I’m an addict.” In the process o f discovering my addiction and how to deal with it, I have been struck with a number o f parallels to coming out as gay. In both cases, it is only in retrospect that I can clearly see that I was gay/an addict long before I consciously knew either. And once knowing either, the choice is then mine as to how open to be about it. I left the closet quite early on (early 1960’s), and figured it would be just as beneficial not to maintain a drug-using closet. My first drugs were caffeine and nicotine, in utero and then via my mother’s milk. I grew up with second-hand smoke, a small glass o f wine with dinner (to teach us to drink responsibly), and a warning from my father that he’d break our arms if he caught us smoking before age 18. I got drunk once at age 12 at my cousin’s bar mitzvah, not knowing the punch was spiked, but I knew I liked the taste o f it, and it sure made me feel good. I started smoking pot in 1963, a few months after I finished high school. In those days pot was not a common high school subject! That next year, at an Xmas party where I worked, I got drunk a second time; my brother came to pick me up so I would not have to face a ride on the subway drunk. I specifically remember, in my drunkenness, coming out as gay to him and my future sister-in-law.

the direction o f a friend who insisted I read Tibetan Book o f the Dead by Alpert, Leary and Metzger before we tripped. Drugs and alcohol were still benign substances, for pleasure. I also started drinking coffee, and around that time also started smoking cigarettes (I had to be taught how to smoke when I first smoked pot, because I didn’t understand the concept o f inhaling), mostly because when I'd go out at night to cruise Riverside Drive, my standard opening conversational gambit was, “Got a match?” Addiction finally took on a certain amount o f meaning, although the effects o f tobacco wouldn’t be strongly felt for many years. And in those days, especially in the gay world, everyone smoked, or at least it seemed that way. Looking back, I can remember sitting in college classrooms, before I started smoking, but in the days when you could smoke in class, and being overwhelmed by the stench o f cigarette smoking. Addiction meant I couldn’t readily give up cigarettes. Then came the Army: lots o f cheap beer. I was a medic and had access to the dispensary. During the time I was stationed in Germany (1968), drugs finally became available. Grass was unobtainable, but good quality hash was. I must say, as a medic, I preferred treating drug patients to alcohol patients, because the latter were often violent, and quite often didn’t even know if they had any injuries! I became the major drug dealer (hash) on post, enough to subsidize smoking for me and my friends. We also distributed pharmaceuticals, as well as a number o f hallucinogenic street drugs.

A group of us doing heroin had a fun orgy— if you discount the taking time out to puke.

Two years later I took acid for the first time, under

Here I was, out (not only to m yself but to a number o f friends as well), in a situation surrounded by men. My job required drawing blood from patients. Imagine: entering another man and drawing out a vital fluid! I did a lot o f sublimating those 18 months. I also got hooked on speed (readily available in our pharmacy) because I was living a

20-hour day— Army by day, school in the evening, drugging and selling at night Maintenance o f that regimen involved at least 10 cups o f coffee a day and 6 speed pills, spread out over the course o f the day, and then smoking hash until I was in a stupor at 2:00 a.m. so I could sleep before beginning the next day. When I left the Army, I crashed speed on my own. And for the most part, I gave up drinking. Pot, however, was to remain a constant until last year. Crashing speed was a terrible time, and I have never used speed since then. I have had intermediate periods o f using alcohol, but stopped when I felt it was time.

I have been a marijuana dealer for many years. (Dealer is a slight misnomer— 1 never seem to make any money, even now when I’m not using, but 1 now both users and growers, and most users don’t seem to know any growers.) At my friend Kaz's funeral, someone mentioned smoking dope with him. I spoke next, and said I'd been Kaz's connection. Well, someone who was there who used coke but not grass told her dealer, who had been looking for a grass connection. Whenever he came to cop some grass, he’d give me two snorts o f coke. My friend who got me to like coke had already committed suicide by an intentional cocaine overdose, so I hadn’t had any in a while. I found that I preferred having this coke dealer as a customer; I so looked forward to each sale.

AIDS. Death was all around. I was getting tired of life as I knew it. Coke was a wonderful vacation from it. And I loved needles. What a combination!

In the gay world, I got to know poppers and nitrous oxide (ah, those orgies in San Francisco in 1970!). I was also introduced to cocaine, which I snorted a few times, but decided not to take any more because it didn’t seem to do anything for me, and since it cost so much, I would stay a “cheap drunk” and stick with pot. Then, over twenty years later, a close friend started buying coke on payday and using what he had until it was gone. He was generous and would insist on sharing it, and I finally got to see what was nice about coke— it was a sort o f temporary vacation from reality. Problems disappeared for a while, at least.

This time around, problems seemed to be worse. Friends have been dying. I never really learned to deal with feelings, and so I stuffed a lot o f emotion over the next few years. Then, on my forty-ninth birthday, an older friend— a junkie— asked what I wanted, and since I had just taken him to his dealer to score, I said I wanted to try some o f his heroin. I had never shot up before. In the early days, it was a matter o f saving my veins for selling plasma, which got me through various times o f little money. Since I have been HIV+ for the past ten years, though, that wasn’t an option anymore. A group o f us did the heroin, and had a fun orgy (if you discount the taking time out to puke). The next morning, I felt quite crappy, and knew I didn’t want to do heroin again.

AIDS. Death and dying all around. I was getting tired of life as I knew it. There was always suicide, but I’d promised two people I wouldn’t do that. Coke remained that wonderful vacation. And I loved needles. What a combination! I started to wear long-sleeved shirts to work (luckily it was Winter!). My boss jokingly asked if I were shooting, and, after a quick panic, I responded, “No, you’d be able to tell that when I started to wear sunglasses to work.” My roommate o f seven years used drugs to commit suicide (he had AIDS). I retired on an early out, and had dreams of teaching folk dancing and setting up a baking business. Neither o f those panned out. Reality was made much better by using coke, more and more frequently. I was in therapy, and one day my therapist said, “I can’t help you with your drug problem; you’ll have to get help elsewhere for that.” I immediately went to the local gay-positive drug center and had a long intake interview. The woman who interviewed me had a strong German accent, and decided that I was late-stage alcoholic and drug addict. She said I’d require in-patient care. Such a Nazi; what did she know?!? I knew this wasn’t true. I then went to my HMO, since they have an extensive drug treatment program, and began seeing

a drug counselor in addition to my therapist. They wanted me to go to community support meetings (e.g., Narcotics Anonymous |N A | or Alcoholics Anonymous | A A |), and cut all addictive substances out o f my life (including nicotine and coffee). 1 tried not using drugs, but wasn’t able to on my own. And the first NA meeting I went to was a horror— too much religion, even the Lord’s Prayer. I discovered Rational Recovery (RR), a non-religious community support program that doesn’t believe in traditional addiction theory, but posits an addictive voice that we have to learn to out-argue and overcome. The two types of programs (12-step [e.g., AA or NA] and RR) have much antipathy for each other, although some people actually function best in both worlds. 1 asked my friends for help, and they were all most supportive. Most o f them had been drug users in the past, and occasionally used liquor or marijuana, a few were addicts in recovery. But my using cocaine continued and increased. I got physically sick (Bell's palsy, garden-variety pneumonia, and shingles), physically wasted, and stopped meeting many of my community responsibilities (although in my addiction, I didn’t realize that was happening— I thought I was keeping up!). My new drug counselor finally suggested in-patient treatment for a few weeks, since the present plan o f attack wasn’t working. I panicked. My good dyke friend Janine, whom I had known for 25 years and later became my official sponsor, reminded me that I had confessed a few weeks earlier that life was increasingly difficult, and wouldn’t a nice vacation without cares be wonderful? “Be careful what you pray for; you might get it. Here’s your opportunity.” So I resolved to go into treatment. Just before entering treatment, I managed to hold to my resolve o f not using drugs on my own, and spent two days on the couch, listening to Chris Williamson tapes and crying uncontrollably.

were undernourished), no cigarettes, no caffeine, no sugar, regular exercise, and lots o f classes about addiction and recovery. Additionally, each day we were taken to a different community support meeting, and I finally realized that all meetings were different; some were actually quite helpful. Those that aren’t, I don’t go back to. I started smoking cigarettes again as soon as I got out. It took a while longer to get back to cocaine, and I never used a lot— I would have occasional lapses. I continued going to meetings. I also began to sort out my facts and fictions from the general ones. I agree with most addiction theory, but I’ve amended it a bit. Different people get addicted to different substances at different times. Therefore, some people may never get addicted to anything. Being addicted to one thing doesn’t mean you will automatically become addicted to something else (although there is a high probability); i.e., I can drink a glass o f wine and not go o ff the deep end. One complaint about traditional 12-step programs is that they were created from a white, uppermiddle class, straight male perspective. Some o f us don’t quite fit that model. An excellent book, Many Roads. One Journey, by Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D., amplifies and expands that one model to include other religious and cultural traditions. Her 16-step program feels good to read, as opposed to having to change language to suit m yself in traditional addiction literature.

I am learning about myself and how I have used drugs to avoid various realities and feelings. For instance, I’m often tired. In the past, that was a reason to have a cup of two of coffee. Now, I take a nap.

Their version o f treatment was quite good. It .involved extensive changes in nutrition (many o f us

More importantly, I am learning about m yself and how I have used drugs to avoid various realities and feelings. For instance, I’m often tired. In the past, that was a reason to have a cup o f two o f coffee. Now, I take a nap. When I light up a cigarette, I look for the psychological reason for doing so. I go through HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired), to see if any o f those are causing me to want to change my reality chemically. At meetings, people talked about

how their lives were out o f control. I asked Janine, “Was my life out o f control? I thought 1 coped quite well.” She responded that indeed I did compensate well, but I really was out of control. I’ve been involved in much introspection, and now see how I detached myself from my feelings. I also see how I used drugs to escape dealing with any problems I might have been having.

could re-visit my Jewish identity and strengthen it as well. Now I carry another identity, that o f an addict. And just as I like to hang out with people from those first two identities, because I don't have to “explain myself," so, too, did I find that I now want to hang out with other individuals who are struggling with addictions and the changes necessary to ensure a clean and productive life.

Too often a new convert to any new idea starts to feel it should be the answer for everyone . Not true. But even my drug using friends are much happier seeing me healthy and w ith some purpose to my life again.

Two years ago I was dead set against such a “cult group” as AA; why, it was simply replacing one addiction (a drug) with another (a meeting). A number o f years ago, when I lived in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, I was dating a man who had been sober for ten years, but continued to go to meetings regularly. He ate dinner at our home, where we drank wine, and he never had any trouble refusing it; we didn’t push him. Gay activist that I was, I pushed him into starting a local gay AA group. I even went to some o f their open meetings, but it sure wasn’t for me. Many years later, in Seattle, I had a former lover (then a roommate) going through recovery. It was horrible living together. A phrase I’d hear lots of times in the hospital was, “You’ll feel as if you have only one nerve, and everyone is stepping on it.” Glenn needed to not be around alcohol or drugs, so we had to be more secretive in our use at home. And some o f his behavior patterns which we had assumed were a product o f his drinking— patterns we could easily do without!— turned out to be part o f his core personality; the drinking merely exacerbated them. Sobriety is not THE answer. It is actually only the beginning o f an answer. It wasn’t until my brain was clear enough from constant drugging that I could even begin to learn what parts o f me I needed or wanted to change. I also carry an identity as a Jew. It was growing up as “other” that helped me forge a strong gay identity before the present Gay Movement began. And once I established a strong gav identity, I found that I

Most o f my friends have been most supportive. However, many o f them are not addicts, and thus they can be sympathetic but not empathetic. Others may be addicts who are “in control”— that “control” that I thought I had had. Or they may have behavior patterns that are also common to addicts, such as compulsive behavior or strong control issues. I find that I must, at least early in my recovery, be careful about the people I keep around me; ft’s too easy to relapse. Some people have had the same reaction I had in the past to my addict friends. My mother is a good example. Her generation felt that it was simply a moral failing to be an addict. All you have to do is tell yourself to stop. My mother, otherwise no great fan o f Nancy Reagan, was taking the same line as Nancy, i.e., “Just say no to drugs.” But hers was the generation that went through the Great Depression and World War II; feelings are not supposed to control our lives, and certainly are not to be worn on our sleeves. It’s easier for us not to talk about this subject; she does care that I'm not taking drugs now. And I don’t go around telling all o f my non-NA friends that they’re in denial about their addictions and problems. As we saw in the earlier days o f the Gay Movement, when people first started to discover the joy of coming out completely, too often a new convert to any new idea starts to feel it should be the answer for everyone . Not true. But I know my non-addict (and even drug-using) friends are much happier seeing me healthy and with some purpose to my life again. m

OR, HOW GAY MEN ARE BEING DUPED BY THE DRUG CULTURE A Minority report by Tom Me Clain Mainstream gay magazines are full of the ads: Miracle drug improves your sex life! Capsule helps prolong erections! Using (name that drug) to achieve multiple orgasms! And on and on. So far we have no drugs to cure AIDS, but hundreds or thousands of them to “improve our sex lives. Anybody else see anything strange about that? I’m not a young man. 1 was around in the uninhibited, sex-any where-any time seventies. As a member of the US military in the late sixties (before Stonewall!) 1 tried several drugs which were legal in Europe, illegal here. I’ve has sex

I have a friend who was bom with no hand on hie left arm because He mother used it. with various men in various states of druginduced euphoria. And I’m here to give you a startling, against-the-grain report, folks: The best way to improve your sex life is to use brain power, not drug power. Every day, in every way, we induce drugs of various kinds into our bodies. They can be any thing from additives in our food to crack cocaine, “angel dust”, marijuana, and the gods only know what else. Few if any of them have ever been thoroughly and honestly tested for their effects on our bodies, our dicks, our brains. Our govern ment watchdogs are routinely bought by big drug companies looking for lots of fast bucks, never mind the consequences. Anybody remember thalidomide? It was a government approved tran quilizer. I have a friend who was bom with no hand on Bis left arm because his mother used it. Whenever I’m tempted to try a “recreational” drug, I think of him and change my mind. If an “approved” drug can do that, what about the unapproved ernes, the ones sold by addicts work ing for big international criminal enterprises? Wanna play Russian roulette with five bullets and one empty cylinder? I’ve heard all the arguments for drug use. Ancient shamans used them. And on and on and on... But the big difference between them and us

is two fold: Training and source of supply. Shamans m non mechanical cultures do use hallucinogens on occasion ( probably much more rarely than some drug apologists would like us to believe), but they arc professionals in their fields, trained through generations to know what to use and how to use it. They are also trained in mind control techniques, which enable them to regulate the effect the drug will have on their bodies. They also control the source of supply. They grow or harvest their own. They don't buy from thugs who kill for fun, whose only concern is the money for their own next “fix”. They don’t use hallucinogens prepared by unskilled criminals in unsanitary basements for the sole pur pose of making someone rich. In short, they don’t dust their lives to unknown, unsavory characters. Do drugs really enhance your sex life? My own experience tells me they do the opposite. Guys I’ve done it with who’ve used various street drugs, and who were often younger than 1 am, fre quently had trouble, achieving and maintaining erection, even when they desperately wanted to do so. Any number of drugs, most notably marijuana, have been shown in tests to reduce not enhance, sexual prowess. This fact combined with unknown sources of supply and the known unsavory nature of most sellers, should make anyone in his right mind think twice before using drugs for sex. Is there a connection between drugs and AIDS? Hey, guys, is the pope catholic? Are fish wet? Do big bears live in the woods? You bet there ass there is. Think about it a minute. People put drugs into their systems for fun. The full effect of these drugs is unknown. Their purity is unknown. They’re usu ally combined with alcohol, another deadly drug. Sometimes sev eral drugs are used at once. The effects of such casual drugs have in fact been shown to depress the immune system. Tobacco for

Do d ru g s neatly enhance y o u r sex life? one has this effect. Ever wonder why smokers catch colds more often? Most street drugs have never been scientifically tested. What they do to our bodies is unknown. Does any one drug cause AIDS? No one is sure, although I doubt it. But drug use, over a period of time, weakens the body. It doesn’t take Einstein to real ize this. Most users realize it eventually. Why take chances? Can you have fun without drugs? Hell, yes! You have a drug substitute inside your body. Every one of us does. It’s called our brain. Few of us even begin to understand it. It can make us sick, heal us, make us feel good, make us feel bad. Its power over us is enormous. It’s time we started using it. The most incredible “highs” I’ve ever felt came at times when I hadn’t used any chemical stimulants for weeks. They involved situations that stimulated my brain, which in turn stimu-

lated ray body. 1 went to the 1987 March on Washington axxi stayed buzzed for a week afterward. My first pagan gathering had the same effect. So did a conference 1 attend ed on gay leadership training back in *82. So have several ntuals I’ve taken part in. So does great sex.

I did. But the basic knowledge is there, in the human subconscious. Tap into it. Use it. You’ll be glad. You’ll be healthy. And you’ll live longer, to enjoy all those en hanced sensation a lot longer and a lot more fully.

You're probably thinking that I must be some kind of puritan nut, trying to keep anyone from enjoying himself. The guy is trying to spoil my fun, you’re saymg to yourself. What’s wrong with this old square, you're thinking.

Look at the reasons you use drugs. When you’re down on yourself, they make you feel better. Why were you down on yourself in the first place? Maybe if you find the reason and eliminate it, you won’t want the drug any more. We live/ in a culture of the minute. Instant problem, instant cure. Vr Instant feel good, instant feel bad. No time to wait. L-

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Far from it. I’m writing this piece to share with anyone who is interested something I’ve learned the hard way over quite a few years. I’m writing it because 1want people to feel good, what I and lots of others have learned over the years: You don’t need drugs to feel good. In fact, you’ll feel a hell of a lot better without them. Must you really be in a drug-induced fog to have sex? So that when you come out of it later, you don’t even remember what happened? So that you feel terrible, physically, for a day or several days afterward? Are you that messed up?

It’s time to make time. Time to take control over our own lives. Time to look inside ourselves and thin carefully about what we see there. If it’s good, let’s nurture it ami help it grow. If it's bad, what’s it doing there? Who or what let it in? How can we get nd or it, safely and permanently?

’

It s time to malce time. Try it.

You'll be amazed at the results. When you’ve cleaned the crap our of, your body, you’re ready for a drug-free/ high. Try it. You’ll love it. And there won’t be any guilt trips afterward, either. No The best thing that any hangovers, no down ers, no problems. gay man can learn is to break free of the drug culture. If you Open up an let your really want or need stimulants, brain show you how grow your own. Check their good you can feel. power and their effects. Use Then just take care of yourself. Eat sensibly/ them sparingly. And develop your brain power. You can rest when you need to, leam to control your body sen get stress and bullshit sations. You can enhance or out of your life. You’ll reduce them at will. like the what how good J you can without chemical you 0 pen up an le i your Lrain sluow you I. feel, assistance. Join a You’ll like meditation group. If you can’t find one, start one. Leam yourself. And you’ll love those natural highs, without fear from bodes, and from the experiences of others. Leam as of the consequences. m you go. Find a good teacher if you can. I was lucky when

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one of the few “self care" residents. She could walk around and dress and feed herself and go to the john on her own, and sort of put herself to bed Sort of. Her needs that she was institutionalized for were mostly mental. She reacted to nurse Ronnie's tone in more of a slate of anger and stubbornness than she had In tier bef<>re he snipped at her as a father would to a small child She was actually further agitated by this. Go figure. I had just started working in a nursing home for the first time. And what I had yet to realize was that many are In health care not because they want to heal others but because they want to have power over them, find yourself feeling angry and powerless and bitter? I he nursing home community is a very vulnerable crowd over which you can exercise complete control. And the fun part is, just about any individual you fuck with is bound to have power and control issues themselves as well II they haven't before in life, they do

a ro u nd_ a n d . go_ to__you r room now, 1 am g e tt i ng a d o c to r’s o rd e r to give you a. sedative_ b ecause th a t’s w h a t. i t ’s, g o n n a , ta k e , to calm you d o w n !” Whats really funny to me is while Agetha was tiying to steal pills from the med cart that Ronnie was supposed to be watching, he was busy bragging to us about what a fabulous nurse he was. So as he was making us sit through his story about nursing school and all, he blew off watching his med cart. When he was done talking about what a terrific nurse he was, he noticed she had grabbed a pill and

after he retrieved it. he made up for his humiliation by yelling at her like a child and reinforcing her stubbornness and fyslena in the name of tiying to calm her down, as well as humiliating her and abusing his power by making an unnecessary drug threat, loud enough for the whole wing to be in on it.

Gee, can you sav c o u n te r- t h e ra p e u tic? So it had to be about forty-five minutes later. We were sitting at the nurses station and had finished ail but the late nighters. Rveiyone else was in bed. including Agetha, who with the help of one of the aids, was calm and Quiet and, for the most part, forgotten about. But not completely. Sure she had mellowed out. but I guess that was beside the point for Ronnie, who needed to win. By this time, he had finally gotten a doctor’s order, put all his other shit away, and drew a vile for Agetha. "I’m gonna need some help." He and his needle were past us before he finished the sentence. Two aids got up and followed him. and I heard a loud scream. And then a longer one. I guess you couldn't fuck with Ronnie. I don't remember if she ever did again.

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tt o w \ ^ p t ~ k w ^ c r e Wherever It was I was coming from was a plate I had mixed emotions about leaving; certain things there beyond the warm red dcx>r were carefree, since I wasn't anything much anyone would recognize as... well... anything at all. at least not by the standards of any one of those living in that place, what ever and wherever t h ^ are. So. I left that place and came to this place that I called Here. I still call It Here, but it's changed so much it's hardly the same place anymore. I haven't given it a new name just yet. but that's been on my mind. So. anyway. I'm living In this place called Here and Here is just fabulous. It provides everything in exchange for a minimum of effort and a minimum expense of creative en ergy. Only the boundaries of Time and Space enclose Here. Vast corridors of Time can be filled with the shallowest and most beautiful, thoughts such that we need never learn to swim in the Ocean. I think the Ocean and that door I first came through to Here are some how connected. So, I’m living in this place called Here. And I'm a little stuck. I mean I look around at the edges of this place and I see no doors and no windows. I see no way out at all and no way to even get a glimpse of what’s on the other side. What Is the Ocean? No one really knows. And what was the purpose of this design? Is this not a Pandora’s Box kind of situation? I see the marketing of Time and Space as prime real estate on the universal plane. I ask what this means and no one knows. So I start asking myself questions that might get me in trouble. You see, I have this rebel friend named Now. I'm falling in love with her. She wears her hair long like Cher did in the 7 0 s. She's really deep, probably partly because she's lived in Here for as long as anyone can remember. She has roots as deep as Mother Earth herself. She Is Here in many ways. I learn to trust her more than I've ever trusted anyone. I tell her about these supposedly "dan gerous" developments on the outskirts of Here: secret doors popping up through the walls of our land. People build these doors and other people spend a lot of time sealing them off. telling everyone about the dangers

beyond the boundary and about how it's in our best Interest to remain within our protec tive walls. Now Is cool. She's trouble, a revolutionary, she's always ready to take the challenge. "So?" she says when I tell her about these lunatics. "You mean you've never heard of them before?" She says It's time for me to go. It's time to be a lunatic. It's time to get lost. What does she mean by this? This time stuff. Time for this. Time for that. But she carries so much mystique. I silent ly wonder if she hasn't been everywhere In the universe there Is to go. And she's so| modest she would never tell stories of her adventures. She knows too well that her adven tures are not my adventures, feel so much admiration for her; our relationship has passed beyond love. I think. Maybe she's my guru. “Great! So, off you go." she says. And knowing what I know. I'm free to go without sadness. In fact, she will hear nothing of sadness. “Get over It," she says. “Don't say goodbye, and trust me." And I do. So. I set off. Any direction will do. since all paths eventually lead to the wall and then it's cither find one of those mysterious doors without getting caught by the guards, or turn back, m^ybe find Now- again and regroup our energies, maybe try to break through the wall together. Now, there's an Idea I hadn't thought of. but I've already said goodbye to her, even though she said not to say goodbye, and so... As I'm walking awiy, I'm thinking about my possibilities. There are people w-ho attempt to climb over the wall, but I've heard it can take an entire lifetime to even get d o se to the other side. The guards of these walls don't even bother themselves with matters involving periods greater than one lifetime. So. I'm off to find the doors. It's really the only way. I reach the wall and I can already sense something new and different seeping over the edge from the other side. I can smell smoke and flowers. I see lights and clouds and patches of dark. But as far as I can see along the wall there are no doors. I keep looking. The farther I go through Here, the more peculiar my friends become. One clay, an old gnomish fellow with a gray beard and mus tache, lull of sweetness, approaches me. He

talks a lot of nonsense that might be more comprehensible in some other plate and some other time to which I can t quite con nett None the less, he's able to make clear his name Is Nelllman and he's inviting me to this local party tommorrow night. When I arrive at the party, an hour and a hall late as this Mr. Nelllman suggested I do. it seems as il everyone else is arriving at about that same time an hour and a half late. And Nelllman compliments us. Good. Right on time." he says. What follows seems less like a party to me and more like a meeting of revolutionaries, which, in fact. It turns out to be. It's a band of lunatics try ing to build passages out ol Here, exploring areas beyond this place, maybe even perma nently dismantling the wall that sep arates us from the unknown. I think I'm where I'm supposed to be. But the reports they give of the unknown are strange. Some say what lies beyond the wall is just more Here, a b et ter more advanced Here, but still Here; and I can barely believe it! Can it be that much more advanced to make It worth all the trou ble? Yes, definitely, they say. without missing a beat. So, I'm living in this place called Here, and I'm at this funky little party with Mr. Nelllman. and the odd thing about all these people is that I know them somehow, though I've never met them. They welcome me home and ask me where I've been and they tell me stories that sound vaguely familiar. They are mostly stories about Now. Aren't I a friend of Now's, they ask me. I low' do they know Now? I wonder. And they say, well, she’s our guru. And I'm thinking. W;y to go. Now. People calling you their guru? And I'm also thinking, Where are you. Now? A little soriy. I'd left her behind and wondering if I'd ever see her again. Why didn't I ask her along? Well. I'm definitely In the right place If I do want to see her. because the revolutionaries Just love her, they worship her. They honestly want me to meet her, but they Inform me she's not living In Here anymore, and that we ll have to get through the wall to find her. These people and I have at least this one little thing In com mon. They love Now as much as I do. When I ask them about the passages, they say there are many and they remind me I've been making passages lor eons. I low else did I get to Here, duh? And don't I remember them? My friends? My lamily? And I say, Remind me. Because honestly I don't really remember meeting any ol these people, but I

know them; and I'm in despair I tell them. I'm utterly confused about the relationship be tween knowing someone and meeting them fate to face and doesn't the latter have to happen before the former... and... Stop' they say Come to a party tommorrow night at 10 PM and probably no one will be there until midnight, but It starts at 10, so show up a cou ple hours late. The next night at 10PM sharp plus-2-hours. they begin showing me things. We go slowly, from the bottom up. We begin with drum ming. and dancing and chanting and meditating. I begin remember ing all of this, even why I made the passage to Here in the first place. I remember all of them, all of this... this game we're playing. Make a passage. Share the knowledge. Go again. And so. finally, I get the basics, even a few expert tricks, and I'm starting to build my own passages. I'm amazed at what I see over there. It truly is a more improved Here, not even the same place. The more we go through the wall, the more one Here becomes the other. And glo rious Now Is everywhere. There. Not Here. Aside from my brief visits to the other side, I've been missing Now a great deal lately. My new friends Introduce me to someone whose name Is Rite. I know all these people to vary ing degrees, but I’ve known Rite longer than anyone else, even though I |ust met him. He and I kx)k at each other and I become a little unglued. I mean my molecules begin lumping out of me and Into him and vice versa. Rite is ouUk and reminds me of Now a lot. He’s almost as deep. And so, I'm falling in love with him. When I'm not with him, I see Images of him running across my mind and Imagine his voice in my ears. I miss him when he's not around, but in a way he always Is and always was. So. here I am in this place called Here and I just met Rite and we re at this party togeth er with all these other people. It's October, which Is the best time to make passages through the wall. We've spent a most a week

working together and much of our time has been with Now on the other side But our vis its have been quick. We take a peek and leave. I'm telling Nelliman now' at this party that I d like to explore over there a little more, go a little deeper. And he says, funny you should ask. because I happen to have the proper tools for a longer visit if you want to go this very Instant. But Time is of the essence. Can I bring Rite?, I ask. Yes, says Nelliman. but Time and Space will allow this to happen only now. Possibly not ten minutes from now. I find Rite... and we're off and run ning through a long passage with... some thing at the end... it's not light, and it's not dark, not small, not large, and yet it's all of these things. We've been this far before. The Hall of Paradox. We want to go farther. Now. some passages we build in places where we know entirely what's on the other side and others force us to enter in on areas so vast and Iincomprehensible, even terrify ing, that we haven’t really been able to explore them fully. So, they remain scaiy and mysterious. We often come back with much more Information than we can remember In a single moment or in a given lifetime. And sometimes we face perils in the |ourney through the passage. It's hard to come back sometimes. So hard, that if it weren't for peo ple here, we would remain over there. And sometimes the experience we have makes it hard to stay back here. Hard to remain here now with the ones we love, because the beau tiful experience of It all Is tenfold over there. Somewhere in the middle of the passage Rite and I run through, Rite stops. He's maybe a little scared. You see, as we run we leave the molecules of our basic identity behind. This can be unsettling to say the least. So. he refuses to go on. But I trudge ahead. I leave him there, knowing I can never really leave him and that's more apparent than ever right now. But with eveiy step I run. I question such truths. I begin to doubt such things as the Indestructibility of my relation ship with Rite. And the molecules. The mol ecules fly out of me and attach themselves to the walls and celling of the passage. It's happening faster than ever, with such deter mination it seems. I begin to get frightened. I am being consumed by the very passage through which I run. Just as I think I will never get to the other side before... before I am nothing... I realize what I was is no longer. Am I dead? No. I am a living passage... or what I thought was a passage, but there real ly never was any passage, lust the big engine of creation, materializing out of nothing everything that is Here. Kverywhere I look I

see more Here. I've been dropped Into the Ocean of it and I'm swimming. With eveiy breath, Now greets me. I mean she Just implodes from the space into my body. Kveiybody said Now was no longer in Here. But Here I am. And Here she is. I have to tell everyone. Now is everywhere. And Here Is everywhere. It's all Here. And it's all Now. So. I begin to formulate the molecules that made up the old me. so that I can go back behind the boundaries of Time and Space. That's the rule for Now In Here. We take up limited Space and move in Time. When I get back through the entrance to the passage. 1 go running past Rite, down the steps and across the field, all the while yelling for everyone to come and listen to what I have to say. It's the most important thing anyone could ever hear. And everyone must come. And when all my wide-eyed peculiar friends circle me in great expecta tion of epiphany. 1 realize, as I begin talk ing, no one believes me. I tell them the wall right before our eyes isn't really there and that what we re looking for on the "other side” is right here all the time. I hear a strange mix of laughter and looks of con fusion and they say, But we can touch the wall, see? That’s how real it is. And I touch It. But... what about?... If you Just went through a long passage through the wall, how can you say it isn't there? they ask. I have no answers. I question my sanity. I question my existence. Hither I’m crazy or eveiyone else Is. On this side of the wall, I'm crazy, I say. On the other side I'm not. And with that I've lost credibility. There are two sides to Here afterall and I'm back where I started, no further than the Hall of Paradox. Or am I? What I saw was as real as anything I sec right now. Rite believes me, but he thinks I’m crazy, too. Then, I remember Nelliman and the rest of this evergrowing band of lunatics. I recall our roles in the peaceful plot to take over the world without using conventional weapomy. In the confines of this place, the revolution comes slowly around. We’ve waited life times. And all Time means nothing In the Space where the wheel stops.

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charge hung over him like the Sword of Damocles until, finally, the story hit the scandal sheets. By 1960 he was history. In fact, Ray loved women as much as men. For years he had an affair with Dorothy Kilgallen, the married matron of Broadway. But his real love was his whiskey and gin. He almost died of liver failure until his next lover, Bill Franklin, nursed him back to health and sobriety. Unfortunately, Ray got back on the sauce and Franklin finally left, to Ray's bitter r e g r e t soothed by drinking daiquiris straight from the pitcher. Alone and largely forgotten, he died in 1990. Whiteside accurately calls Johnnie Ray the link between A1 Jolson and Elvis Presley. His love of black music revealed itself in his first single "Whiskey and Gin," a song he wrote. But Ray had something even A1 and Elvis lacked: an agonized vulnerability. To quote a song Johnnie wrote, he sang "like a child who's been left alone." Hank Williams himself praised Ray's pained sincerity.

CRY: The Jo h n n ie Ray Story. By Johnny Whiteside. Barricade Books. $22.99. Reviewed by }ohn(nie?) Warren

Overall, Whiteside tells the life of this artist with competence and credibility. Besides, Ray's life is anything but boring. One example: Johnnie served as best man at Judy Garland's fourth, final wedding. (The cake was frozen.) Indeed, Judy's final doomed months mirror much of Johnnie's later years. But the real pleasure of reading this book is not the dirt. It motivates the reader to search through piles of used 45s at garage sales to find Ray at his personal and artistic best. Of course, thanlcs to his producer Mitch Miller, there were plenty of lame singles. (It was the Fifties, after all.) Ray's earliest songs were the blackest and, often, the best.

Johnnie Ray had to be seen to be believed. Not only did he sing his songs: he also wept, pulled his hair, flailed his arms, banged rhythms on pianos with his shoe. And he did this in 1951, the era of Perry Como and Patti Page. While they asked the price of the doggie in the window, Johnnie told his listeners to go on and "Cry" in his biggest selling record. He defended his style by saying, "I just show people the emotion they're afraid to show." Such naked emotion made him a dynamic—and threatening—artist. Cry is the biography of this brilliant performer. Author Jonny Whiteside tells the unhappy story of "The Atomic Ray," including his sudden fame and his long descent into obscurity and alco holism. Raised on records by Billie Holiday and Kay Starr, am ong others, young Johnnie could play boogie woogie on the piano by ear. He spent hours exploring the mountains near his home, drawing strength from them. However, a blankettoss accident with the Boy Scouts drove a straw through his eardrum and changed his life. No one could figure out his sudden withdrawn nature or his falling grades until his parents saw him lis tening to music with his ear pressed against the radio. Ray spent the rest of his life trying not to be, in his own words, a "weird kid." The fact that he could perform on stage at all proves his deter mination and his love of-music. His music, at its best, was the cry of the outcast. Playing strip joints before he hit the big time, he found an affinity with two pariah groups: queers and strippers. By this time, Johnnie recognized his desire for both men and women and acted upon it as much as possible. His love for jazz and blues brought him into contact with AfricanAmerican performers. In Detroit, his companion was the great R&B singer LaVern Baker, about to have hit records of her own. The Detroit cops noticed this queer "nigger-lover" and decided to teach him a lesson. A classic vice set-up got Johnnie his first arrest on a "morals" charge. The

The few songs Johnnie wrote were so good that they stand apart from any other work of the time—or any time. As Whiteside recognizes, their lyrics reflect a pagan sensibility. "The Little White Cloud That Cried" tells Johnnie to "have faith in all kinds of weather." "Mountains in the Moonlight" whisper softly to him, "Never fear." Bizarre and beautiful works, these are faerie songs that we should claim as our own. Ray was lucky to be a weird kid, for that made his gift something rare, precious, and enduring. No wonder the Detroit cops hated him! Read this biography if you like, but start hunting for those singles. Ray's moment has only now arrived.

COAST TO COAST. By Bruce Bawer. Press, B r o w n s v ille , O R .

In "Communion," the speaker, who is snug indoors on a snowy afternoon with his cat as a com pan ion, thinks about his connection with distant suf fering. These reflective poems present Bower's tal ents at their best: his quietly elegant craft suits the description of slowly spiraling thought; and his spiritual themes are for me most powerfully expressed in these less overtly religious poems. In these few poems, 1 found Bower's humility before this "ever-strange life," this "terra incognita," lik able, and, frankly, a relief from the too-numerous instances of name-dropping, bragging, and cocki ness ("How can this boy / make me feel dumb, when brilliant minds cannot?" in ("Poems for Brian") which mar this collection. It is the Bruce Bawer full of awe, and not of himself, that I want to hear more from. (Q

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Reviewed by Steven Riel

Bruce Bower's Coast to Coast is, for a book of con temporary poetry, an unusually easy read. In only a very few places does the language lack grace; Bower’s verse possesses an admirable fluidity. Although he regularly uses end-rhyme, he success fully avoids twisting his thoughts into ungainly shapes in order to satisfy such formal require ments. However, the downside to Bower's strength is that only in a very few places does his language strike one as unusual, or as beautiful beyond merely graceful. After reading his best poems, one is left with the pleasure of having explored a com plex thought or feeling, but not with the pleasure of memorable words or phrases. I could not help but to read Coast to Coast concur rently with Bower's other recent book of non-fic tion, A Place at the Table, in which he argues that the in-your-face tactics of gay and lesbian activists in the United States during the past twenty-five years have served only to further alienate m ain stream society. I found it ironic that the same writer who wants "a place at the table" of American society as an openly gay man does not seem to realize that his poems, which express (no matter how tastefully and poetically) an attraction to adolescent boys ("Beach"; "Malibu, January"; and more obliquely, "Pine Cone"), would make most heterosexual parents mighty uncomfortable, no matter how respectable and conventional he tries to appear. 1 have no problem with Bower's attraction nor his expression of it; what bothers me is his inability to integrate the implications of his feelings into his political ideology. The poems I like best in this book describe or dra matize moments of solitary reflection. In "The Jogger" we watch the interplay between the actual, physical surroundings of a man out for a jog ("A distant birdsong stops his dreaming. / Another bird sings back, closer and clearer") and his episte mological musings about what he sees; ...here, before the church, there's only sky, pale blue and infinitely high, and frightening, somehow it seems to testify that knowledge is a dream...

THE FLOWERING ROD. M en, Sex, a n d S p ir itu a lity . By Kenny Klein. Delphi Press, Oak Park, IL. 1993. 24 5 pages. S I 3.95, paper. Reviewed by Khrysso Faggner

I really wanted to like The Flowering Rod, but 1 real ly hated the first half of it, which took me eight months to slog through. But then I thoroughly en joyed the second half, which I devoured in two days. I was first attracted to this book because, from its promotional literature, I thought it was going to be about masculinity in general and not about men vis-a-vis women. Alas, before I got through the prologue and the introduction, I formed the conclusion that the next four chapters also bore out: the real subtitle of this work should have been "straight men, procreational sex, and Wiccan spir ituality." Despite attem pts here and there to include gay and Lesbian (but not bisexual) per sons in his treatment of traditional Pagan mascu line archetypes, Klein repeatedly falls back into opposite-sex couple models so that his few overt references to same-sex love effectively marginalize queer folk. For example: [The Women's] movement revered our... lovers as equals to us." Not my lovers, not if I never do the pussy thang.

"Her body, like all women's bodies, is the vehi cle through which life is constantly renewed through birth." Not if she never does the weenie or the turkey baster thangs. (And what if she's bar ren?)

"Making love was the same act as sowing the grain in the fields." Not if, like me, they plowed rectums.

"...the cauldron represents the womb... where our seed will come to fruit." Need l go on?

I was most underwhelmed by the statement, "The relationship between men and women... affects the thoughts and emotions of lesbians and gay men, because it is a pattern of life that they can either accept or reject." What's this? "Join us at our table or leave"? Can he envision no further evolution for us than that kind of dualism? Klein admits his opposite-sex bias, but he should have chosen a less inclusive title if that bias was going to permeate this book as thoroughly as it does. To his credit, Klein did do a bit of homework on queer Pagans: RFD is referenced in an appendix, and the Radical Faerie movement is mentioned in a chapter dealing with gay Pagan males. I was particularly delighted by his observations that cross-gendered ritual characters were vital symbols of Chaos. Unfortunately, that chapter is only five pages long, and not all of it is about gay folk.

Moreover, though I was pleasantly surprised from time to time to find nuggets of genius, for the most part I found the exposition sloppy—surely part of why I had such a hard time getting through it. Klein is a musician and a poet, not the scholar of history that this work begs for. (Case in point: he includes nary a footnote.) Not that scholarship autom atically makes for good exposition, but events might be better ordered. While his exposi tion is sometimes whiny and/or preachy (and sometimes platitudinous—for example, he reports that the masculine God is associated with learned knowledge and the feminine Goddess is associated with intuition. Who'd-a thunk it?), his narrative, though at times intrusive, is occasionally quite moving. But he seems to keep confusing the issue of whether this is a cultural history or a personal history. I think fie should have stuck to the latter.

The book also claims to be about "spirituality," but as it develops it focuses closely on Klein's own tradition of Wicca (namely, Blue Star), virtually ignoring other important traditions—in one place, it would be very useful for him to mention to his western audience how certain Pagan archetypes figure prominently in Christianity. Though I am not Christian, 1 must insist that to ignore the dom inant cultural paradigm is ludicrous. From the sec ond page, he presents the Antlered God in what repeatedly strikes me as a rather absolutist way, as if the Wiccan metaphor is the one true representa tion of masculine divinity, so that "He is the Wiccan God" somehow comes off as, "[whatever they may call him,] he is [really] the Wiccan God." He also refers often (and engagingly) to the Morris dancing tradition, but again, he all but makes the Morris out to be the last bastion of archetypal truth. Then, in his discussion of "John Barley corn," he switches back and implies that Wicca is older than Morris dancing, which is only true in the vaguest sense ("Wicca" per se being a twenti eth-century reworking of the Old Religion). In any event, his failure to refer to non-Pagan religions supports accusations of Wiccan chauvinism . Furthermore, to my great frustration, he never does define what he means by "spirituality." Likewise, he talks a lot about Men's Mysteries, but 1 would like him* to name them more concretely than he does. I had to dig them out from context. Nor does he ever define "magic" for his purposes. He should have decided whether or not his audi ence was magick-literate before the book went to press. Sometimes he goes into too much detail, sometimes too little.

At page 100 both the pace and the relevance to queer experience begin to pick up with some real ly concise descriptions of the wheel of the year and some fleeting nods to the existence of same-sex lovemaking. In the fifth chapter, Klein's talent as a poet, lyri cist, and ritualist begin to shine. The rituals clear ly hold significance for all men regardless of sexu al orientation, the references to opposite-sex sex are almost consistently relevant, the history is suc cinct, and the text is poetic. To be honest, if I were planning a queer men's ritual, I would probably look to Don Engstrom rather than to Kenny Klein, but I really liked—and learned from—the rituals presented in this book, and I would recommend them for "mixed" audiences. Delphi is a small alternative press—thus, under staffing and extraordinary deadline pressure go without saying—and the publisher has told me that she wishes to cultivate a relationship with the Radical Faerie community, and so I hesitate to judge the com p any too harshly. However, I thought that this book would have benefited from much tighter editorial guidance in its first four choppy and rambling chapters. Also, it abounded with spelling, usage, and parallelism errors that were distracting.

In the first 99 pages, 1 kept com plaining to myself that the book needs to decide on its mission. It claims to be about sex and spirituality, but it is really about traditional gender roles in a religion that is still often blatan tly hom ophobic. Wassailing is about choosing a wife. The May Pole is about conceiving on May Day. These are about opposite-sex coupling and fertility; but how, pray, are they about men, of whom some are bachelors, some are childless, some are cocksuckers?

Jazz’s bold graphic against government censorship comes to RFD compliments of The Higgins Collection 1950 A bun d a n ce St, N e w O rleans, LA 70122. For originals of Jazz’s and many other artists’ works, you can contact Chuck & Joe. Thanks, Guys.

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Donny the Punk / Stephen Donaldson 1946

-1996

Wrth a heavy heart I send you the obituary of Robert A Martin, Jr., AKA Donny the Punk, Stephen Donaldson, Swami Lingananda, Donald Tucker. . .

as the "best cocksucker around.' He was up front about ms sex and his feelings. I always will consider him one of the gay movement founders. His activism for the ‘free speech movement” helped a lot of us who never spoke out enough.

Randy Shifts wrote a chapter about him in Conduct Unbecoming, “The Annapolis Experience." the ACLU has

Donny will be missed by many of the fringe, especially those young fellas in jail and prison who have been raped and abused. He was their spokesman “out there.” In a world of disdain and neglect Donny took personal interest and followed up on every case that came his way.

written a press release obituary on Stephen Donaldson who they say was instrumental in the internet censorship hearings in early June. Donny marched in the front of the NYC Gay Pride Day March on June 28, 1996. It was raining forever. He caught a fever after that and neglected it for over seven days before he walked into a VA hospital. Donny had been HIV+ for many years. He was diagnosed with meningitis. His lungs and kidneys shut down and he was put on machines. On the morning of July 18 he made the decision to pull the plugs out and two hours later he passed over.

He was charismatic and eccentric. He was ordained as a

sunnyasin and given the name Swami Lingananda. His exploits and achievements were extensive and he died just a week shy of his 50th birthday. To Donny, OM NAMASHIVAYA SHANTI OM! Len Richardson

Donny the Punk was a prolific man of activism in gay,, freedom, prison-rape, music, and punk culture scenes.. He has been a contributor to RFD since the 70’s. He has contributed immensely to the gay movement and evolution.

Articles in RFD by Donny the Punk Reaching Punks, #32, Fall ‘82 Notes and Quotes from “Men Behind Bars”, #38, Spring ‘84 Cat& Mouse, #38, Spring ‘84 Jail is. . . Sexuality, #39, S u m m er‘84 Booty Bandits, #40, Fall ‘84 Letters from a Prison Punk, #67, Fall ‘91 From Russia With Love, #74, Sum m er ‘93 A Million Jockers, Punks and Queens, #76, Winter ‘93 Training Americans to Rape, #78, S u m m er‘94

In 1995 he incorporated Stop Prisoner Rape. May of this year he appeared on 60 Minutes. He suffered from RTS (Rape Trauma Syndrome), but pushed himself free of the depression to make a national movement come to fruition. In an interview last year in Frontiers Donny proclaimed himself

Donaldson, a Columbia grad and Navy radio operator in the 70s, below, says he was first raped in jail after he was arrested in an anti-war protest. He later served time at the Metropolitan Correctional Center inManhattan,behind him at left. Prison reform is especially urgent, he says, in the age of AIDS.

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® Gryphon Blackswan g® Gryphon Blackswan of Watsonville, California, activist and celebrated clothing artist, died one day short of his 45th birthday on Thursday. April 18, 1996, in Dominican Santa Cruz Hospital, of complications related to AIDS. Bom Christopher Anderson in Detroit, Michigan, Blackswan moved with his family to Wheaton, Illinois, where he left the farm to join the Chicago gay drag bar scene at age 16, becoming a headlining drag diva. He earned a degree in social work from George Williams College, spending his Junior year in India, and taught English as a second language in Tokyo. Gryphon’s varied careers included hairdresser, radio commercial performer, IBM corporate secretary, nanny and Director of the Gay Community Center of San Francisco.

® JAMES H. HANNEKEN ®

Gryphon’s recent community service included: membership on the Boards of Directors of the Billy Club, and of radio station KUSP. He was a Project First Hand speaker of the Santa Cruz AIDS Project and a member of the Closet Free Radio Collective of radio state KZSC.

James H. Hanneken combined his skills as a psychologist with his own insights into the male psyche in becoming a leader in a movement centered on men’s sensitivity. Also known for his work relating to domestic violence, aggressive gay activism and assisting people with AIDS, Jim was a listener with the ability to inspire others. As president of the Pittsburgh Men’s Collective he embraced feminism and strove to persuade other men to forsake traditional notions of male superiority. At age 41 the Wilkinsburg resident died of complications from AIDS on June 1 in the home of a Wilkinsburg nurse who cared for him in recent weeks as the disease grew severe. Diagnosed with HIV in the mid-1980's he first became seriously ill just over a year ago and reluctantly cut back on his work and volunteerism. His parents, Henry and Frances Hanneken of Scott also cared for him in their home during the past year. Jim’s eyesight was severely limited as a result of a brain tumor when a child; but it didn’t hurt him in a succession of positions after obtaining his master’s degree from the University of Pittsburgh in 1982. The sight problems may even have helped him develop his much-admired listening skills. ‘ He taught me new levels of sensitivity ... and he was a spokesman for people who often had no spokesman,” said the Rev. Lynn Edwards of the Shepherd Wellness Community, which offers various supportive services in Hazelwood for people with AIDS. With the Pittsburgh Men’s Collective, he helped organize two national conferences of the National Organization for Men Against Sexism and also became co-chairman of the national group. He aimed to develop new and more positive roles for men. “He was a visionary,” said Kurt Colborn of Swissvale, also active in the organizations. ‘ Others of us brought practical organizational skills, but he had a vision to do things and make things happen.” Jim was also active in the Cry Out/Act Up gay rights organization; Church Ladies for Choice, a group of men dressed in drag who staged counter-demonstrations against anti-abortion protesters at abortion clinics; and the Radical Fairies. In addition to his parents, he is survived by a brother, Anthony, of Central City, Colo. A memorial service was held at the Church of the Good Shepherd, n Hazelwood. Donations may be made to the Shepherd Wellness

Gryphon is survived by his mother, Delores Anderson of Wheaton, IL , and by many loving friends, he is remembered for transforming the lives of many with his insight, intelligence, voice and articulation. Donations to the Santa Cruz AIDS Project,

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95060, or to your local AIDS service organization in Gryphon’s memory would be appreciated.

Community, P.O. Box 561, Pittsburgh 15207-0575 written by Gary Rotstein of the Pittsburgh Post Gazette

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The following is a tale from the archives of my personal memoirs ...

Now my dear readers, if any of you have ever been in the situation in which yours truly has found himself, ...very typical— Not so my friends! For “this* guy was flawlessly dressed as PETER PAN!!! YES!! (For True!!), Little dark green pointed cap, a light fringed coat with leaves of felt sewn on, green tights, curly toed slippers with bells on the ends.

North of LaFayette Indiana (Home of Perdue University) a few miles off the interstate, is a secluded rest park along the banks of the Wabash river. This park for years has had the reputation as a hot spot for encounters of the queer kind. The place was often referred to as Fairy-prarie, The Pickle Park, and LollyPop Junction by the truckers. For me it was an entertaining place just to hang out and practice on my Celtic flute. One evening around Halloween, I happened to be sitting on a picnic table jammin’away. I was alone and it was very peaceful. I had been there about an hour when a compact car drove in and parked 20 feet from where I was seated. A young portly man got out. I heard three beer bottles hit the pavement. He staggered to the closest tree and took a long piss. As he finished he noticed me sitting there. He stopped three yards from me, took a big swig off his Bud and asked; “ARE YOU A FAGGOT!??" I laid down my flute, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Now , What do you think!" He wiped his nose with his free hand and said, “You look like a FAGGOT” “I do HUH???!", I said. “You know what I DO with faggots— I beat the SHIT out o’eM!! An’ l"ma gonna BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!!"

Well, he was in no shape to “beat up" on anybody. I figured, ‘bout the only thing he could do was sprinkle me with Fairy Dust. I slowly slid off the table, made a fist and was tensely rubbing it in my other palm as I ever so carefully approached him. All I could say was; “HONEY!, I hope you brought TINKERBELL along ‘cause yer gonna need some help!". Suddenly two women jumped out of the car, grabbed this guy by the ears, dragged him, and pummeled him into the back seat, and in a matter of seconds, they were gone. Hmmm!, I thought. Just “believe* in Fairies, That’s all it takes! THE END (J$) 62

e/@ - COMMUNITIES CONTACT-®^) 3 -.C (.C

individual and joint activity, participation and mutual support that grows, gains momentum, history and future. The university will offer whatever topics we decide. Departments could be tourism, language, agriculture, jungle, craft, philosophy, more ... We'll be teachers and also first students. Other students will be tourists, resident visitors and locals. The tourism department will collaborate with the lodge to offer fun, short courses to tourists and hotel operations experience to tourism students. Other departments and facilities will develop as we decide. The tourist lodge will offer low-key, high quality service with facilities on the beach. It will be managed and, at least majority-owned, by community members. It may be appropriate to raise development capital by selling shares to investors. All this must be sustainable development, with realistic self-sufficiency through organic gardening and animal husbandry, non-traditional agriculture and construction techniques, and use of natural resources. Big words for common sense, responsibility and respect towards ourselves and our environment. This is a sketch to be refined. All suggestions are welcome. If you like, advance and share this vision: send a long letter and photo to: David @ Quillotro, PO Box 89-8150, Palmar Norte, Costa Rica Phone: (506) 2847984, Msg: (506) 283-8506. Better yet, come visit! tjf)

The purpose o f this column is to provide a way for gay communities to increase their outreach as well as to highlight contact letters from persons interested in living communally. Share your own interest or experience in living communally. Send submissions to: Phil Woodward, Communities Contact, 904 Vickers Hollow Road, Dowelltown, TN 37059 The bi-, maybe tri-county rural queer community phenomenon that began here in Tennessee well before the “incorporation ” of Short Mountain Sanctuary 15 years ago, continues to e x p a n d . This Excerpt from the Cioatzette reports the forming communal possibilities. There are also many new neighbors buying and renting places, becoming part of the extended community: Our queer community here on the ridges and in the hollers of middle Tennessee continues to grow and mutate and evolve. Our notions of community extend and deepen, sometimes borne of necessity, because the fact is: the neighborhood is changing, and fast. Lisa and Sunfrog and their two year-old monkey (she says lion) child Ruby Jazz are living upstairs in the cabin. They will be at the Sanctuary through the fall gathering, then moving to a community in nearby Murfreesboro called Flatrock, where there are other families with young kids. You may contact Sunfrog for more information at: Flatrock Community, 2720 Hutchinson Road, Murfreesboro, TN 37130 PHONE: (615) 895-2841 Meanwhile, Horse and Kaz, friends of SMS from California, are buying a 413 acre piece of land within easy walking distance of the sanctuary. Their intention for the land - which they have named Sassafras Holler - is for it to house a number of communities and individuals as a sort of village. And Crazy Bear/Barry and Chris from Pensacola have just purchased a place a few miles away where they intend to manifest their vision of community. These new homesteads create exciting possibilities for any number of people who desire to join the extended community. Look for more information on these communities, with contact info, in a future column. Q

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a spiritual being having a human experience. I am a human being of flesh and bones. Spirituality originates in the chemi cals, electrical impulses and meat of human brains. One result of such brain activity is that I am an atheist. There is no supernatural or divine being, no god, force, uni versal mind, etc. who/which can know, act or love. There is no such entity responsible for creating the universe or watch ing over it. No god is concerned, for good or ill, with the ways of human beings, nor interacts with human beings in person al relationships, nor acts as a causal agent on hurricanes, AIDS, elections or other historical or natural events. Curiously, my brain generates such convictions after years studying the Bible, theology, church history and, to plagia rize a phrase, the varieties of religious experience. I a m not a mind or a soul. Neither do I h a v e either of those things. I am a biological animal. Therefore, I will not survive my physical death in any self-conscious manner. My ultimate destiny is to be worm food. So, why the hell would I dance and play with spirituali ty? (Or even resort to an expletive like "hell"?) I strive to be rational. But I am more than rational. I have phobic anxiety attacks and infatuations that refuse to yield to rational suasion. I am creative. I appreciate art. One reason art is important is that it plays at the margin of rationality in order to express aspects of human experience too slippery for the grip of ordered objective language. Human life is profound, mysterious, frightening, enlight ening, joyful, painful, healing, destructive, exalting, ridicu lous, alienating, reconciling, paradoxical and on and on. Such life cries out to be affirmed, celebrated and fashioned into meaningful experience. Spirituality is a dance and poem about life, giving metaphorical expression to the complexity and richness of human experience. Just as we sing and paint to express the wonder of life, so we create special modes of imagining, speaking and acting which is spirituality. The problem arises when religions (codified modes of spiritual expression) mistake their metaphors for objective interpreta tions of reality that must be defended against competing expressions. There are bound to be conflicts between atheism and the claims religions make out of their epistemological error. But there is no necessary conflict between atheism, as a philo sophical viewpoint, and spirituality, as artistic expression, any more than there is a necessary conflict between atheism and ballet.

the rest... * who magic and mys tery they meanly detest. They preach and promulgate Hatred of a ll, that Joins us to sovereign source— our birthright they’d p a ll. The birthright through which we know purpose and place. something the p-crowd has no right to ace. I X R U G 8 and ffS X they claim most to abhor, in the name of high virtue they scream: “Don’t score!” But the only virtue they actually serve, is to entrench their false power, so throw them a curve: SMOKE and TRIPand FUCK and FLY...B R E A T H E , even...be a “no-count,”cut holes in the sky. Holes of mystery, portals of magic—avenues to wonder the p-crowd deems tragic. The la st thing they want you to find are your roots, against l if e ’s core they’re a ll in cahoots. Without your consent and f u llscale permission the p-Crowd is powerless, out of commission: SMOKE and TRIPand FUCK and FLY...B R E A T H E , even...be a “no-count,”cut holes in the sky. Holes of mystery, portals of magic—avenues to wonder the p-crowd deems tragic

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f 64

Spirituality is a mode of thinking, and acting in response to life. Spirituality affirms that which transcends our individuality—hu manity, the earth, the cosmos. Spirit uality celebrates the good fortune of life and encourages us to press on in the face of misfortune. Spirituality draws us into community to celebrate our highest values and share our deepest sorrows. It provides a way of investing our lives with purpose and exploring meanings for our experi ences. Do I n eed spirituality to do these things for me? No. I don't n eed music either. But my life would be much impoverished without it. Well, what would an atheistic spir ituality look like? Of course, belief in gods, demons, magic and the supernatural are out. Wonder is in. One atom alone is a magnificent thing. A universe full of atoms combined in countless majestic patterns leaves me with a humbling sense of mystery. I pro foundly value the complex web of matter out of which life springs—in more spiritual jargon, I might say I consider it sacred. My dependence on nature, both as a product and a manipulator of it, makes me feel part of more than my indi vidual isolated self. The mixed bag of human experience, everything from birth to indigestion, to surviving weather's fury, to falling in love is mind boggling. I see more, experience more and am touched by more than I can begin to understand. Life is too much for me to apprehend on my own. So community is in. The desire to find others with whom to sort through wonder and bear the pain is compelling. As a queer man, raised as a Christian in the United States, I have always felt like an alien—what Harry Hay calls "not masculine, not feminine, but other." I seek brothers and sis ters who recognize this otherness as essential to our identi ties. I want to embrace this otherness as a good and natural part of myself, of other others and of the society around us (whether society realizes it or likes it or not). To be able to

affirm myself, not in sp ite o f my sexual ity, nor irr esp ectiv e of my sexuality, but a s a queer man, has been a balm and a lifesaver. I want to share this redemp tive experience that saved me from the bloodbath in which Christianity sought to drown my true nature. This queer life is too rich to go uncelebrated or unshared with others. My spirituality affirms and cele brates queer sexuality. I have no partic ular objection to fleeting casual sex without commitments or significant emotional entanglements. I have dis covered that hugging, kissing, cud dling, caressing, sucking and fucking, sometimes even with near strangers, provides moments in which I feel most connected with, in which I care most deeply about, and feel most completely accepted by other men. The mutual giving and receiving of pleasure, with in or outside of marriage-mimicking relationships, is a wonderful vehicle for our compassion. The desire for community suggests a social dimension to spirituality, in which compassion is expressed through efforts to establish fair relationships not only in the personal realm, but in the political and economic realms as well. My point is not that any of these considerations flow log ically from atheism. My point is that a spirituality of this type is not necessarily incompatible with atheism. And I am not even arguing that spirituality is necessary. I am arguing only that it can be enriching when freed from superstitious beliefs and supernaturalist expectations. Other atheists may wonder if there is any reason to flirt with spirituality at all. After all, the litany of stupidities and horrors committed in the name of spirituality is well known and continues to grow. Sometime ago I decided I would no longer surrender my intellect to dogma. Likewise, I refuse to deform my emotive response to life by squeezing it into an ideological mold. So, I will live in the tension between won der and skepticism. I will strive to think rationally. But I will also speak and sing and dance at the boundary where reality touches fantasy.

s p e a k in g

R IT

A I_IE R T !

Share your responses to these questions. In few words (or pictures) or many. Be profound. Be funny. Be both.

HOW DO “SOLITUDE” AND “COMMUNITY” MINGLE IN YOUR SPIRT-LIFE?

W rite to Spirituality Editor d o RFD Responses will be featured in Issue 89-Spring 97

DOTHEY MINGLE? IS ONE MORE YOUR ALLY THAN THE OTHER?

♦ a lw a y s looking for general submissions to Spirituality. Innundatc us!

Skinner G u i d e l i n e s f o r r e s p o n d i n g t o pe n p a l a d s The p u r p o s e of t h e pen-p al listing is t o o f f er t h e c o m m u n i t y a t large t h e o p p o r t u n i t y t o relieve t h e pain a n d su ffering t h a t m o s t i n m a t e s endu re. RFD a s s u m e s no r es p o n s ib il it y for c l a i m s m a d e in t h e s e B r o t h e r e Behind B a re li stings, a n d we urge all r e s p o n d e n t s t o exercize c a u t i o n , especi all y with any financial dealings. The RFD collective h a s a g r e e d t o : Limit t h e n u m b e r of a d s t o u n d e r o ne hundred; t r y t o include p h o t o s ; n o t t o r e p e a t a d s ; unpu blishe d a d s will n o t be r e t u r n e d . The c o m m u n i c a t i o n s e n t u s would i n d i c a t e t h a t t h e p r i s o n e r is g a y o r bisexual, a n d genuine in seeking corre epon dence a s a penÂ pal. We welcome r e s p o n s e s t o t h e s e policies from all r e a d e r s , b o t h p r i s o n e r s a n d non p r is o n e r s .

G$p HCO1 R e id s v ille . G A . 3 0 4 5 3 R ichard F lem ing

206630

33, Talented a r tie t & mueician in o f a sin ce re frie n d fo r corresFondence. possible relationship need

Lawrence E. J o n e s E F 2 6 0 7 ^ - 5 ’9, 165 Educated, lonely, looking for someone to write to. T im o th y C ham bley

Kevin Lee Young E F195390 B .4 2 ,6 ’1.170, B isexual, v e rs a tile , interested in camel riding, romantic conversations, seeking a s tr a ig h t f o r w a r d person with similar interest. 2 9 6 9 Rock Q uarry Rd. B uford. GA. 3 0 5 1 6 EF241305

W, 25, 6 ’0, br, bk, Have spent too many long nights alone, want th a t special someone to make a commitment, and build a solid relationship, released soon. Edward F io re llo

46543

Cody Dunn

EG 166669

W, 5*11, 210, bd, bu, Top looking for gay Bottom fo r friendship and more, no time wasters please! UCI P.O. Box 221 R a ifo rd . FL. 3 2 0 6 3

Kevin Rose 0 6 6 6 0 9 -I2 7 W, 30, 5 '9 ,170, br, hz, Lonely, in search of sincere caring pereon, age looks not important, no games please!

KSP P.O.. Box 126 E d dyville, KY. 4 2 0 3 6 J o h n Kopka 101762

W, 26, 5 ’10, 150, bd, bu, I wish to correspond with other gay gentlemen for friendship and possibly more.

H -5 6 9 9 6

W, 26, Good Hearted. Looking fo r a pen pal in California.

P.O. Box 1111 Carlisle. IN. 4 7 6 3 6

P.O. Box 2 9 0 0 6 6 R e p re ssa , CA.

M ike S te e le

663626

W, 26. 5*11, 170. bd, bu. 6 1/2" cock, sexually versatile. I am looking fo r new friends or soulmate to spend my life with. H ow ard S p a rk s

Jo e Fahlgren

J -6 5 6 7 7

9 5671 R udy G a rcia E -6 5 2 0 3

L. 35, 6 ’0, 2 00 , Honest, sincere, very a tt r a c t iv e , body builder, seeking friendship, pen pal

692126

W, 21, 5 ’11, 170, Top or Bottom , looking for a friend f ir s t and companion in the long run, someone who I secure with a home and financially stable, willing to take me in and help me get on my feet. I will need love and a tte n tion .

2 6 0 5 5 t a t e S t. S a;em , OR. 9 7 3 1 0 Dean F erguson 11159761

W, 29, 5 ’10, 200, br, bu, Bored, lonely, prisoner in need of gay friends\pen pals. I like to write, A rt, drawing. P.O. Box 5 2 0 W alla W alla, WA. 9 9 3 6 2

Adam H ouser

915056

Sincere bisexual, seeking loving, sincere o ld er man looking to share th e re th o u g h ts and dreams with someone special. P.O. Box 3 4 0 0 F lorence. AZ. 6 5 2 3 2 T im o th y Ryle 7 47 77

P.O. Box 6 0 7 C a rso n C ity. NV. 6 9 7 0 2 Troy R u ttle d g e 46367

W, 30. Lonely as all get out! Seeking pen pals th a t want sincerity!

C u r tis Locke

W. 2 3. Seeking correspondence & p o ssib ly more, Please f u lfill my loneliness, I’m well hung and in to body building.

W, 2 5,5’9 , 170, Seeking passive bottom. Martial a rts buff, many more positive assets.

055093

P.O. Box 4 0 9 0 0 0 lone. CA. 9 5 6 4 0

P.O. Box 41 M ic h ig a n C ity, IN 4 6 3 6 1 Pete M a rji 672326

W, -, 5*11, 170, bd, bu, I want to meet an outgoing financially secure man who’s ready to build a loving, long lasting relationship.

Tom m y R o b e rts o n

W. 37, 6 '4 . 210. br, br. A ttra c tiv e , intelligent, caring, wishes to hear from anyone who knows how lonely life can be. Thank You!

W, *, 5*9, 196 solid, long blond hair. Looking fo r a down t o e a rth guy, someone I can share my thoughts and dreams with.

P.O.. D ra w e r 1 3 0 W e w a h itc h k a . FL. 32456 G ilb e rt H all 656025

33123 Oil Well Rd. Punts Gorda. FL. 3 3 9 5 5

PO. Box 1 9 6 9 Ely. NV. 6 9 3 0 1 Ira G. W eirich 14666

116002

w. 23, Well built, strawberry blond, blue eyes. ISO s o p h is tic a te d o ld er gentleman-fm young not dumb,

EF141352

W,23.5’6,150.br,bu.HIV-, Caring, loving, affectionate,, & lonely. Seeks same in serious gay or bi fo r la s tin g relationship.

Henry Glen K irk la n d

R u sse ll M e s s e r

A ttractive , young, passionate, sincere, lonely. very ro m a n tic . seeks p ro fe s s io n a l gay man fo r la s tin g monogamous relationship.

W, 24, br, br, Passive, aggressive, enjoy cooking, poetry, writing J o e F le tc h e r

39645

W, 23, 5 ’6, bk, bu, S en sitive , ISO. o u td o o rs person, com passion, understanding pen pal. Dee J .W ilso n

933467

Stop Prisoner Rape Is a small but growing national non-profit organization dedicated to com batting the rape o f prisoners and p roviding such assistance as we can to survivors o f (allhouse rape. We maintain a prisoner's practical perspective rather than an academic or adm inistrative one. We bellve that prisoners themselves can be most effective In discouraging rape in their own Institutions, but we believe there Is much that adm inistrators and outsiders must and can do to address this horror.

43115

W, 5 ’10, 160, Long brown hair, blue eyes, passive, active, will answer all letters.

Dale Leech

W, 33, Passive bottom , looking to hear from well hung tops. Want to establish serious long term relationship resulting in marriage. I will only respond to men wanting to make me the ir partner for life! Favorite Sex Position: Bent overFuck Me Hard!!

S to p P ris o n er R ape P.O. Box 2713 Manhattanville Station New York. New York 10027

W = White 13 = Black L = Latin NA = Native American A =Asian Hair;

Im p ri& o n e d For D ru g U o e ÂŁ 3 y :R o b e rt

ab=au burn bd=blond bk=black br= brown rd = red gy=gray

Eye Color: bu = blue gr = g r e hz = hazel bk = black

M ilc h e r

For innumerable centuries, we who have adhered to the archaic shamanic tra d itio n s have been abhorrently persecuted. Repeatedly, tyranny and genocide have been employed as the â&#x20AC;&#x153;final solution"; which thus far, has denied us actualization of our spiritual birthright. Those of us who utilize Entheogens-particularly psychedelics- as an adjunct to our spiritual path, continue to be the primary ta rg e t of th is oppression. However, as d isse n te rs a g a in st th is senseless madness, you and I are fa cilita tin g the fruition of a universal process called freedom. As we endeavor to extricate ourselves from the bondage imposed by avaricious political systems, and from the violence and fear wrought to enforce th e ir unjust edicts, we are awakening to an ancient alliance of kindred souls. I t is q uite probable t h a t you and I d iffe r only marginally in our philosophical paradigms and their applied experiential dynamics. Never the less, our m ost marked dissim ilarity is a weighty one: I am currently a prisoner of th is country's unconscionable political regime. This travesty of ju s tic e is a d ire ct result of my tra d itio n a l shamanic religious practices and spiritual conscience, being a t odds with a very recent, and exceedingly myopic, prevailing world view. As my punishment for deviating from the s ta tu s quo, the Federal Government not only had my freedom wrest from me, but my familial home and e sta te of three generations, a su cce ssfu l business, land holdings, life savings and investments, even my personal effects. Literally everything I owned, all aco\u\red legitimately, was stripped from me under the guise of justice. 68

e n

In m a te s m ay su b m it th e ir a d s fo r free

printed one time only 1 Special Prisoner S u bscription R a te

$ 10.00 per year. Inmates are encouraged to send Original Artworks Short Stories Rants

STOP PRISONER RAPE

c L

N f

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§ Greetings,

I n e v e r w a s a c o rn fla k e b o y , I am v e ry m u c h a p a g a n and am lo o k in g fo r in te lle c tu a l in te rc o u rs e . A t th e age o f 1 8 I am a c u s p b a b y , G e m in i- C a n c e r , 5' 1 1 ", 150 lbs, b r. g re e n , lo o k in g fo r fe llo w p ag an b o y s a t th e age o f 1 8 -3 0 , m e d iu m b u ild n o t to m a n ly m a n to s h a re a d v e n tu re and life w ith . I a m an u n u sua l b o y . W ill a n s w e r a ll u n le s s o ffe n d e d . S a g e P. M a n d ra k e 1 65 35 SW M a ta d o r Lane K in g C ity , O re g o n 9 7 2 2 9 §§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

M id d lea g ed Boy Seek* Daddy My moAt dieting Lushing featu re in my lon g, flamboyant. AUxteAw hite handlebar mouAtachio. A a a G U M I'm 5 ’11", 775# u/ith Hue, eyeA. Although I'v e managed to Aunvive atone, my nature <A submiAAioe (eAp. GW M, 4 0, 5 '5 " , 15 0lbs, g reek paAAive) and dependent c le a n s h a v e n , s e e k s to p in a loyiAh manneA and Aplrit. w ith b e a rd /m o u s ta c h e fo r I'o e been to ld th at I haves a fe /s e x re la tio n s h ip . I young, smooth Akin. My denine am a ttr a c tiv e , w e ll e d u c iA to he, poAAeAAed/dominated a te d , HIV n e g a tiv e and l y a 'tent man, e sp ecia lly in r e g u la rly w o rk o u t. I am hin 30’a , 40’a , 50' a aA a l i f e 100% b o tto m . In te re s ts long paAtneA/mate, in a comm in c lu d e a e ro b ic s /w e ig h ts , itte d , monogamouA relationAhip. a s tro lo g y , E a s te rn r e liDiAaUed men aAe encouraged. g io n /th e o s o p h y , c la s s ic a l U)ould a youngeA man lik e to m u s ic , & m e d ita tio n . Spank an oldieA lo y oveA hiA P lease g iv e d a te " o f b irth . k n ee ? Get th e pictuAe, SIa !? S te v e n , C /0 RFD # 87 Although I'm originally from th e north, aA an a vid but §§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§ humble gandeneA, I've become ApoUed ly th e mild clim ate Hi, My n a m e iA B a in eA , a and long growing AeaAon o f f a e n i e - l i v i n g in t h e Kent th e Aouth. So a ll you Southern u ck y Riven v a l l e y n eo n Lex G entlem en/R hett ButleA wanna in g to n , m o t e th a n ju A t a GWM. leA' or look allkeA grab youA I'm open to new frien ds, palA, penA and w rite, Sin! lo v e and lo ve. I'm a damn good "NoAtalgic in th e South" cook, I paint and cneate, I com C /O RFD#87 municate w ell w ith plantA, I can l e raucous, I can l e gen tle, livin g in th e countAy agrees w ith me. I ’m tunning 52 (Gemini) as RFD prints contact letters free of charge. We also I w rite thin. I ’m a ta ll and lanky provide a free forwarding service for readers who and I n o w n /g n e y bearded fello w . prefer not to publish their address. Donations, how I'm on a breathtaking 100 a o ie ever, a r t greatly appreciated. We ask that your fanm on the \iven: green, w ild letters be brief (under 200 words) and positive in flowens, paliAadeA, gandenA, stating your preferences. Saying "No" to a particular binds everywhere,. Vou Ahould trait or characteristic may unnecessarily offend a Aee it, i t ’A ao l>eautiful. I could brother. We reserve the right to correct spelling re-ally g e t into fdowing Aome. and edit as we see fit. fnenh ground w ith A o m eb o d y Feel free to send a photo (black and white prints A p e c ia l. better) with your letter, & we will try to include BaineA Allmon it. Salena Farm RFD assumes no responsibility for claims made in 1694 WattA Fenry Road letters, & we urge all respondents to exercise hxankfort, KV 40601 caution, especially with any financial dealings. (606)873 6370

32, GWM, 6 ' 0 \ 2 3 0 , B k /H z , h a iry bear lo o k in g to c o rre s p o n d w ith m en w ith lik e in te re s ts . I g re w up on a la rg e ra n c h in K a nsa s, a life I fu lly lo v e d , w e n t on and re c e iv e d m y d e g re e in a n im a l s c ie n c e and p re s e n tly m a n a g e a 1 5 0 c o w d a iry , I a lso b re a k & tr a in q u a rte r horses. I L ove a ll a s p e c ts o f ru ra l liv in g . I e n jo y g a rd e n in g , c a m p in g , m u s ic , fis h in g , frie n d s , and life in g e n e ra l. D e sire to c o rre s p o n d w ith m en w h o s h a re th e sa m e p a ssio n s. Id e a lly , I am lo o k in g fo r a p a rtn e r to sh a re m y life w ith . I h a v e a g re a t sense o f h u m o r, m o s tly o u tg o in g , h a v e ta to o 's & p ie rc in g s , a lw a y s lo o k in g fo r a new a d v e n tu re . I am o p e n to a n y ra c e , a g e , w a lk o f life , a ny b e lie fs o f s p ir itu a lity . I am lo o k in g fo rw a rd to h e a rin g fro m y o u , a ll le tte r s a n s w e re d . J e ff W. H ig b y 3324 H ow e D a iry Rd. G a s to n ia , N.C. 2 8 0 5 6

GWM p o e t, lin g u is t, a r tis t, f it 40s, s e e k s o th e r f it , d e p e n d e n c y - fr e e , m a s c u lin e m en fo r e x p lo rin g m u tu a l in te re s ts . Am a ls o in te re s te d in Z en , o rg a n ic g a rd e n in g , s p ir itu a litie s , s w e a t, h ik in g and w r itin g h o t s to rie s . W ill be in th e US (M A /C A /O H / N C .) J u ly - S e p t'9 6 . P lease w r ite to m e a t: T. D ow 5 -1 4 -2 6 -1 0 6 Y akum o M e g u ro -k u , T okyo 152 Japan

IM GWM IM 33 I WEIGHT 160 I G O T BROW N HAIR GREEN LIKE FISH CAM P ING AND EAT OUT AND H IVN EG ATIVE H IKIN G AND TRAVELING G O IN G TO M O VIN G AND BO W ING AND DANCE CLUBS SEX LOT OF SEX FOR G O O D TIME AND PO SSIBLE RELATIONSHIP JOHN NOW ACK C /O RFD 87

§§§M«§§i§§§§§§§§«§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

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Upon hiA relea se, he, mooed in w ith me and / can honestly say 1 waA never happier. R ecently we d ecided that, he would l e happier c lo se to his fam ily in FL. Jhere^ore, l am oncei again alone. 7hiA tim e l am not ju st looking {jor anyone. I want someone, who is cu r ren tly in carcerated, tu t who is sch edu led {jor rele a se in the, near {future. I am 27, 5' 10”, ISO, Frown hair, Uue, eyes and I have a trim Fea\d. I have a degree, in Psychology and cu r ren tly w ork as a so cia l w orker. I am. searching {jor masculine, aggressive, inmates who d esire to lu ild a relationship which would ultim ately reAult in r e location to OK. I am not in a position to assist inmates fin an cially lo t my home, is alw ays open to an inm ate upon his relea se. !{, any o{, this sounds o{j inte^rest, drop me a line at your e a rlie st conven ience and include a picture, ijy you have, one. Brian Copeland PO Box 50875 Tulsa, OK 74150

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Dear Twin Spirit Brothers Greetings, my name is Bryan Buffalo Bull. I am spiritually oriented and wish to correspond/ meet other gay brothers who are spiritually inclined as well, where living & full life & spiritual & emotional growth is an ongoing experience. I seek platonic friend ships w/ fellow spiritual travelers who also have their feet on the ground. I am 38, 5’9", 1401bs, bearded, masculine, intelligent, educated, humorous, serious, sincere and down to earth. I seek to forge from , the heart, genuine, communicative, com fortable in their own masculinity type of friendships. If you feel similar, can relate and would like to create a healthy-supportive friendship contact me at: 132 Engelwood Dr. Rocky Mount, NC 27804 §§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§ Dear ReadersTm interested in meeting nice MEN. Black, White, or Latinos with a slim build and a good sized coke tsp?) who are vers atile as I am. I have seven uncut inches and prefer a good six+++ I have a neat log home near the campus of Sewanee. W ill welcome visitors in late Oct. and early Nov., also in the month of A p ril. ContactJim Gipson 293 Anderson Cemetery Rd Sewanee, TN 37375

D ea r B ro th e rs , M y n a m e is M a rc . In r e c e n t tim e I m o v e d to w e s te rn NC fro m th e w e s t c o a s t. I am an e n lig h te n e d s o u l, a k in d m a n , p a s s io n is m y m id d le n a m e . I’m e r o tic & s e n s u a l, r e s p e c tfu l & lo v in g . I lo v e life and k n o w w h o a nd w h a t I am in th is m o m e n t and am le a rn in g m o re e a c h d a y . I'm a v e ry h a n d s o m e 46 (lo o k 3 5 ) y e a r o ld b o d y b u ild e r, 4 8 ” c h e s t, 3 4 " w a is t, 17" a rm s and n ic e ly e n d o w e d . W hen I'm tr a in ing h a rd I'm s h a v e d , w h e n I s la c k o ff I'm h a iry . I h a v e : d a rk b ro w n f la tto p , b e a rd is h g o a te e , g re e n e y e s , a g re a t s m ile and la u g h . I h a v e a s tro n g se nse of s e lf and s p ir itu a lity . I h a ve s tu d ie d w ith m a n y m a s te rs and n o w k n o w : "T h e b u c k s to p s w ith m e ." I'd lik e to m e e t a p h y s ic a lly f i t m a n w ith v a rie d in te re s ts , a m an w h o is in te re s te d in c o m m u n ity , liv in g o ff th e lan d, e m o tio n s , s p ir itu a lity , h e a lth and v it a lit y . A m an w h o is v e rs a tile , a nd lo v e s lo n g s te a m y lo v e m a k in g se ssio ns. It w o u ld be g re a t if y o u lo v e d to d a n c e , w e re h a n d s o m e , b u ilt, m asc. and e n d o w e d . I'm 5 '1 0 " , 210 lb s o f h o t s o lid m u s c le . I lo v e to p la y . I'm re a d y fo r so m e m a jo r m a le b o n d in g and in s e a rc h o f an e q u a l r e la tio n sh ip . W rite m e , w e 'll see w h a t h ap pe ns. M a rc 111 C h u rc h S t W a y n e s v ille , NC 2 8786

Dearest G e n tle M en, Here I a m , a lo n e in C h ic a g o ... fo rc e d to g fitte r , fo rc e d to be gay. M ore a b o u t m e ? I’m a 45 Y 0 A in c a n - A m e r ic a n I s ta n d a s to u t 5 ‘ 7 \ am g o a te e d , H IV -, single, and b u rs tin g w ith in t e r ests (re a d in g , w r itin g , o u td o o rs , a rt, m u s ic ...). M y e m p lo y m e n t is a h y b rid o f re s e a rc h and s o cia l s e rv ic e s . M y c o m p u te r is in a s u n ro o m , w h e re I ca n w a tc h th e b e a u tifu l fin c h e s and s ta te ly c ro w s o u ts id e . M y s p ir it ual and c a re e r p a th w ill lik e ly keep m e in C h ic a g o fo r a w h ile . A fte r th a t I am o pe n to s u g g e s tion. A la s , I r a r e ly tr a v e l. I am in te re s te d in b rig h t, s in g le , g e n tle m en w h o h a v e th e ir fr e e dom. You s h o u ld h a v e th e in t e r est and d e d ic a tio n to b e g in and m a in ta in pen frie n d s h ip s . I e m phasize " m a in ta in ." A n y th in g above and b e y o n d th a t is p o ss ible, b u t n o t m y fir s t p rio r ity . If you w a n t to sh a re y o u r th o u g h ts , in te re s ts , e c t., I w ill do lik e w is e . I'v e b ee n to ld I give g oo d le tte r . S in c e fa n ta s y is s o m e tim e s u n a v o id a b le , I am a ttra c te d to m a n y b o d y ty p e s and y o u c a n n o t p o s s ib ly be to h irsute. S e lf a c tu a liz in g (o r g e ttin g th e r e ) m e n w ho c a n b e have lik e a d u lts a re d e s ira b le . Photo? O p tio n a l, b u t n ic e . A f fe c tio n a te ly , F u zzy, C /O RFD # 8 7

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Small- town La Cnosse Wi anea 42 yn old Li mate, enjoys conxeAponding and enteAtaini-ng weU hang, lingenie weaving Laenien. I also love onaUy pleasing weU hung olden Dad's and Gnandadn. Ij, inteneAted l have, a 38 yn old Li hemale {Mend who iA a pnaolicing witch who wonhA the, psychic Line that cun join the {yun. I enjoy XXX photon and videos, tend what you want to neceive. Love Monk C/O RFD #87

Gruess Goetun Meine Liebe Fruende; A couple of Washingtonians have made the decision to rusticate. Both of us were born and raised in the rural parts of Washington but did the usual young ^dult migration to more urban sites and work. Now, the end of that phase fast approaches and we would like to gather some input from fellow country queers. Please forgive me if the number of questions grows to lengthy! When you choose a rural site what are the most important factors to consider? We have given thought to surface water, soil composition, terrain, climate, access (or lack of), local wildlife, size of property, vegetation/trees, and a few other aspects. What importance did you place on the surrounding community? Opport unities for part-time employment? How far did you go with moving rural in the first year? Completely or a few steps at a time? How self-sufficient did you hope to be and how did the actual results compare to your hopes? We would appreciate any and all comments and opinions on the above questions and on topics we did not mention but you think important. Currently, we have looked at land in central and N. central Washington, and in the Flathead Valley in MT. Those are not the only places we will consider but may give you an idea of what type of climate we like: definite seasons and a mixture of wet/dry. As of now one of us lives in Seattle and the other in Whitefish, MT. Roth of us would be glad to write, talk on the phone, or meet in person if anyone happens to pass through either locale this summer/fall/winter. We hope to hear from you, and perhaps meet during a visit! Paul K F w e t t P Mahre 108 Somers Whitefish, MT 59937-2541 406-862-0402

H. Patterson 543 27th Avtj Seattle, WA 98122 206-325-8715 71

We one a UJi-ccan couple w ith

oven an acne of, gandenA and woods looking (,on a son/ Lnothen. We one Dominant/ sulmiASive, in oun lijyentyle and oun magich, seeking a sulmiASive- man to Lecome ijomily w ith as. We wonk hand and liv e simple , din cip lin ed Spinitual liven. Both have taken vown o/, \eligiouA oledience, y e t also enjoy nenAuaUty, kink, Lon doge and good 'sex. Dominant man in 50, tnim, veny healthy and H1D+. The sulminsive, in 46, tnim, HID-. Oun ganden: nenve an a clannnoom when< w e tea ch henlai. m edicine, heAlal magich and gandening Dominant iA a weU known authon, Manten HenLaUnt an<i ijJiccan/ m etaphysical teaches Li/ye in oun nmall home: iA not alwayn easy Lot in immense i t newanding. We see k someone who would Le a contAiluti-ng {jamtly memlen in teams of, talon, eocpenAeA (covening you\ Shane ) and loving sexu ality l l you one, seniounly intenentea a lle- to emlnace tAaining and yx n itu a l/sex u a l dinciiAine as << path tow and ULenation, pleas * wnite uA a d e ta ile d lettex. HenLmastes 1202 E. Pike St. #941 Seattle, WA 98122-3934

D ear F in e F e a th e re d F o lk s G re e tm g s fro m lo v e ly S u m m e r C o u n try ( H in to n ) W.V. T h is p a s t F a ll/W in te r b ro u g h t lo ts o f c h a n g e s to o u r b u d d in g fa e rie e n c la v e . As a re s u lt, a c a r e ta k in g p o s itio n has b e c o m e a v a ila b le fo r a 60 a c re h o m e s te a d d e e p in th e w o o d s , in th e w a te rs h e d o f th e b e a u tifu l N ew R iv e r G o rg e N a tio n a l P a rk. The p ro p e rty h as a g re a t s p rin g , p on d, c re e k ( b o r d e r ) , 2 ro o m p r im itiv e c a b in w ith s o la r g re e n h ou se and 2 s o la r p a n e ls . A m e a n s o f fin a n c ia l s u p p o rt, 4 w h e e l d riv e (4 X 4 or p e d e s tria n a c c e s s o n ly ) v e h ic le , and a s u p p o rtiv e p a r tn e r /h e lp e r w o u ld a ll be m a jo r p lu s e s , as y o u w o u ld be q u ite is o la te d , a lth o u g h as th e c ro w flie s , y o u a re c lo s e to H in to n . The p la c e is a v a ila b le n o w , so if y o u a re in te re s te d , Y oo H oo a t m e , and w e 'll p ro c e e d fro m th e re ...B le s s in g s Dde 517 J a m e s S t H in to n , W.V. 25951

I'm Puerto Rican, 56, 180 lbs, brown skin, subm issive, sincere, and single. I like to read good Spanish books and watch TV. I'm a completely bottom home body. I hke to meet good sincere honest men, well endowed, to serve them here in the peace and silence of my apartment and if you want (not obligatory) for a steady friendship. Call Emilio 1 -7 1 8 -9 9 3 -3 3 3 6 AM or PM

My Soul Yearns for the Magic of the Seasons. This spirited LatinEuro mutt is ready to leave the H i, I'm a s p ir itu a l, lo v in g , c a rin g big city for the creature com forts GWM liv in g in th e E a s te rn P a n of the country. Astrologer, h a n d le o f W V, th e g e n tle ro llin g psychic reader, community B lu e R id g e M tns. an h o u r fro m minded, nature worshiper, th e m a d n e s s o f D.C. and enthusiastic gardener, and B a ltim o re . I re v ie w film and excellent cook. My stats: m u s ic on CD and LV, a n d th o u g h 34, 5'9", 1501bs, dark hair,, a s o m e w h a t c u ltu r e d fr e e la n c e been accused of sporting bed §§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§ w r ite r , I a ls o lo v e d o w n h o m e room eyes and my sponsor th in g s a nd b e in g c lo s e to n a tu re , I am 57, I75lbs, 5'11" and have tells me I should include "good g ro w in g h e rb s fo r c o o k in g , p la n t blond(greying) hair with brown looking." Oh yeah...and I'm ing tre e s , a nd tr y in g to be a goo d eyes. Unlike many of us who clean and sober for 4 years. E a rth s te w a rd . I d o n 't d rin k , aspire to be self sufficient Currently I run a community s m o k e , o r ta k e d ru g s , a nd in m y through simple living on the club house and do odd side r e c o v e r y h a v e b e c o m e in te n s e ly jobs. Though I am a man with land, I try to understand the in te re s te d in th e s p ir itu a l a s p e c ts many talents I am a quick study technology that impacts on my o f m y life , fe e lin g th a t lo v e and life and use it in ways that are adaptable and am open to learn sex as r e la te d to s p ir itu a lity w o u ld responsible and rewarding to me a trade or apprenticeship. I have g r e a tly e n ric h m y life . I'm in t e r I like to work on my own cars, a wealth of friends and support and am finishing my home which e s te d in s h a rin g a nd le a rn in g m o re here in LA but I can no longer a b o u t th e p a th and am lo o k in g fo r will make use of solar and river deny the yearrhng in my soul. a y o u n g e r, s le n d e r b o y m a n (o r energy. I also enjoy m otorcycles, I am alive in the country, it is p o s s ib ly a lik e a g e s le n d e r yardwork, gardening, being near where I am spiritually connected. m a n b o y ) to s h a re th e a d v e n tu re , Even my preference in men; water, travel, theater...the list p o s s ib ly liv in g h e re on th e a c re earthy, spiritual regular guys goes on. I am active in the and a h a lf w h ile lo o k in g fo r a with facial hair and creative Roanoke gay community, which la rg e r a c re a g e to m o v e on. I'm hands. Though it is my love is 60 miles from my home in 5 ‘8 ", 149 lb s., b ro w n h a ir, g re e n for the outdoors which is Western VA. I am comfortable e y e s , a y o u th fu l 55. It's h a rd fo r with me. I think I know were I'm bringing me back to basics, m e to tr a v e l a t th e m o m e n t, b u t going but am open to directions the love of a good man would I c a n e n te rta in . I'm n o t in t e r from my higher power. My be a gift from the Ancient Ones. e s te d in th o s e w h o a re e n c u m career makes it impractical to So drop me a line and maybe a b e re d , b y b a rs ( o f e ith e r ty p d ) , relocate. If any of this sounds resent photo. This unusual o r th e ir o w n s e lv e s , b u t o n ly fre e letter could very well be the interesting to you please drop s p ir its w h o c a n a c t on w h a t th e y answer to an old spe'!. me a note. I promise to reply sa y. Blessed Be...A ndy A. Love & Peace to All. Rad B e n n e tt 1417 Westerly Terrace Rod Winge Rd 2, Box 654 216 S. River Rd. Silver Lake CA 90028 H a rp e rs F e rry , W V, 2 5 4 2 5 (213)449-1239 Covington, VA 24426 72

the Faexte seeks housing in New Osteons 5-7 days, in la te Sept, enxoute to SMS Fail GatheAing, with {,ay ox {&y household, can contsilute to e/xpenceA. Also seeking New Osteons (yoeAle/s dsiving to SMS gathering to shone txanspoxtation expenses. MMk JeAAy

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Home is a little old farm house in the foothills of the Smoky Mountains of Western North Carolina. There is a good garden spot in back, a place for chickens, a few goats, a bunch of barn cats and a lazy old dog or two. West of the house sets the woods with a meandering stream and plenty of places to wile away a lazy summer afternoon. To the East sets an old block building just waiting to be converted into a studio or a country craft shop. M E : 50, 6 ’2", 200 lbs., hairy, hefty, healthy, bearded, masculine appearing, loving bottom. Y O U : age, looks, size, unimportant. Must be healthy, have a positive attitude, be a gentle top, into country living, and ready to commit to building a monogamous relation ship. T O G E T H E R : we build a good life, working hard, sharing the pleasures of a simple country life and each other. Interested? Serious? Ready to come home? Write and tell me ail about yourself. D. E. Ogden, P. O. Box 188, Kings Mtn., North Carolina 28086

H e llo , I am a g a y , w h ite 1 8 Y /0 m a n , liv in g in s o u th w e s te rn O h io (n e a r D a y to n ) w h o is 5 '8 " , 170 lbs., f a ir ly g o o d lo o k in g , s o ft s p o k e n , a nd e a s y g o in g . I am an a d v e n tu ro u s soul w h o is a t tim e s tim id , a c u rio u s in d iv id u a l w h o has re ta in e d “so m e c h ild lik e w o n d e r, an a ffe c tio n a te g u y w h o lo v e s to s m o th e r a m an w ith k is s e s a nd c u d d le s , a d a y d re a m e r, an id e a lis t, and a b it o f a ro m a n tic . M y in te r e s ts in c lu d e w o rld c u ltu r e s , th e a rts , D is n e y , and n a tu re s p ir itu a lity . I am s e a rc h in g fo r a m an o f a n y s h a d e in th e h u m a n r a in bow . W ith w h o m I c a n e x p e r ie n c e m a g ic and a d v e n tu re , p o n d e r th e m y s te r ie s o f th e u n iv e rs e , and p o s s ib ly be in t i m a te w ith . H o n e s ty , s e n s itiv ity and g o o d c o m m u n ic a tio n s k ills a re q u a litie s I v a lu e . I w o u ld lik e p e n /p h o n e p a ls and i n p e rs o n frie n d s o f fa ir ly c lo s e p ro x im ity fo r fu n a n d c o m p a n io n s h ip and a p o s s ib le r e la t io n s h ip . I k n o w m y so ul m a te is o u t th e re as is m y b e s t frie n d . I h op e he c o n ta c ts m e. M ic k e y T h o m p s o n 5 06 V e r o n a - P itts b u rg Rd A rc a n u m , OH 4 5 3 0 4

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Mall all correspondence (advertising, subscriptions, business, submissions or letters) to RFD, P.O. Box 68, Liberty, TN 3709S Contributors and editors can be reached through this address also. We welcome advertising, especially from gay owned enterprises. Please write for our ad rate card.

Back Issues

Sample copies of the most recent Issues are $6.SO (postpaid). Back Issues are $4.00 If less than oneyear old. Back Issues older than one year are $2.00 each. We are In the process of updating our back Issue list. Please see this space In future Issues to find out which back Issues are not available.

RFD Itself Is not copyrighted. However, each accredited contribution (Written material, photo, artwork) remains the property of those contributors, and nothing of theirs may be published In ary form without their permission. All noncredlted material may be republished freely. Mention of the source would be appreciated.

Due Dates

Due dates for submissions to receive full consideration are: Winter 19% Spring 1997 Summer 1996 Autumn 1997

Issue #88 Issue #89 Issue #90 Issue #91

New Clear Families Fiction & Photograpty Fey Arts ???????????

October 15. 1996 January 15, 1997 April 15. 1996 |uly 15. 1996

Mailing

RFD Is published Quarterly and Is delivered around the solstice and the equinox. Second class mall may take up to three to four weeks. If you do not receive your copy within a month of the publishing date, please check with us. The number ofyour last subscription issue Is on the mailing label. Second class mail will not be forwarded, so you must let us know Ifyou move.

Names

We print the names of all contributors, but not their addresses (except for contact letters). Contributors can be reached through RFD. We do not give out the addresses of subscribers, however, RFD will forward mall to them.

Submissions

CONTRIBUTORS Please send a couple sentence bio. for table of content inclusion.

WORDS - This Is a readcr-wrltten)ournal so please send usyour work (under 2500 words is best). I f y o u haveyour work on Mac-compatible MS Word or MacWrlte, please send a 3.5" disc along with a printed copy. I f y o u are working with any other type of computer, send a printed copy (along with disc saved In basic text), In single-spaced, 3 and 3/4 Inch column format. We wield the editorial pen lightly. However, we do (hopefully) correct for spelling and punctuation, unless otherwise noted. ARTWORK - We always need'more graphics and photos than we have. Ifyou are an artist or a photographer (you don't have to be professional, Just talented), send us a portfolio. Xeroxes of good Quality, rather than the original. Is advisable. PHOTOS Ifyou have a choice, black and white reproduce better than color. However. Ifyou have a gem of a color photo, send it to us. Ifyou would like special treatment ofyour work, or would like it returned, please be specific. No negatives, please.

DRAWINGS It Is difficult for us to get good reproduction Quality from color drawings or light-pencil drawings. Light blue is Invisible to the camera, and red photographs as black. (Tiy using red color pencil instead of graphite sometime.) Again, If you want special handling, be specific. We will report toyou as soon as possible Ifyour submission Is selected for publication, but we sometimes hold material over for future Issues, and it may be some time before actual publication. Please bear with us. A self-addressed stamped enveloped will Insure the return ofyour originals.

RFD will send contributors one (I) copy of the Issue In which their work appears as payment. Second copy upon reopest.

i nougm C r im in a l Mark I. Chester

afterword by Pat Califia Jacob

€) Mark I. Chester "Mark I. Chester is a pioneer ... Unfortunately, M ark's work has had a long h isto ry o f being trashed, stolen, vandalized, covered u p and censored."

Pat Califia from her afterword to D ia n j o f a

Thought C rim inal

RFD Press proudly publishes the black and white photography of Mark I. Chester

in a 64 page, 9 ’xlO'’ volume with 43 fine-art, duo-tone photo reproductions. The imagery embraces gay male eroticism, portraits, sensual nudes, hard dicks and radical sexuality. Copies of this limited first edition available now ' _______ $45 Hardcover (signed & #’ed) ________ $30 Softback ________$250 Leatherbound (signed, #'ed & limited to 25 copies) add_____$5 Priority postage & handling O R _______$3 Book Rate shipping TOTAL ENCLOSED_____________ payable to: RFD Press Name Address

P.O. Box 68 Liberty. T ennessee 7 0 9 5

Book Release Party and I>iaryofa 1hotight Criminal I’holography Exhibit Opening l¥iday evening September 20 at 1229 1'olsom Street, SF CJ\ (Rxhibtt up through October 13,1996) for more into: (415)621 6294 or httpW www blackiris comXmchester

A C O U N TR Y JO U R N A L FO R Q U E E R FOLK E V E R Y W H E R E