RFD Issue 95 Fall 1998 by RFD Magazine Gay

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MICHAEL

Â© DANIEL COLLINS

B e tw e e n th e Lin es A Call to Brothers How precious and fragile all our lives; and while we had no obituaries cross our editorial desk during this past season, we have no doubt family members have been lost. We also look back on these past 25 years and request that you help us remember and pay tribute. Arkansas brothers. Jerry Stamps, a generous and gentle soul who edited our health column In the early 80 s. has not been adequately memorialized herein. Bav Area feys, Sattya Little Bear, aka: Donald M. Klein, long-time subscriber and ardent activist whose estate continues to subsidize this journal, has not been honored In these pages beyond the merest thanks. Southeastern comrades. Lee M ullls, whose generosity In death brought us solar power and a computer system, could inspire another tribute. These are three In our queer family, vital to RFD. now gone, yet worthy of recall In these reader-written pages during this annlvcrsaiy year. Please check out the submissions' guidelines on page 72 and compose yo u r remembrances of these and other almost forgotten friends. Send pictures too.

Issues of Gender Thoughts on gender also come Into focus this Issue guided by feerlque's substantial Interview with transgender writer and performance artist. Kate Bornsteln. That exploration w ill continue In the spring Issue #97 (see sp iritu a lity editor's solicitation on page 19). A compassionate, provocative and w-ell-crafted piece by a transgendered Satanist Is already laid out.

Short Mountain Tower

T -S h irts a 'C u m in ' For our 25th anniversary we want to recycle and refresh the original 6 color pansy RFD T -sh irt— this time In natural, undyed 100% cotton with more environmentally tolerableyet vibrant colors. Pre-order today: Send us $25 for two lovely, new T-shirts In the sizes o f y o u r choice. Please specify: S. M, L. XL, 2XL, 4XL. One w ill cost you $15. plus $3 for postage and handling; but order two and pay In advance and we’ll pay the postage. You'll receive them In time for holiday g ift giving. (This 2-for-$25-with-free-shlpp!ng offer ends with the release of the winter Issue, December 2I--W lnter Solstice. So act nowl)

Bade to the Issue in Your Hand In Praise of Fey Forefathers Don't be misled by the transcendent cover photo. Our dear James Broughton Is NOT dead, even If a little slowed down by a stroke over a year ago. However, this truly magical picture by Randy LaMorte, so deftly designed Into our cover by digital wizard. Stevee Postman, does prefigure James' latest collection o f poems. Packing Up for ParadiseW ith #95 we begin our 25th year o f publication. We promise four seasons during which we w ill celebrate our elders, those loved ones who have danced ahead and around and with us. directing our attentions btyond any millennial masquerade. Master musician. Lou Harrison and his partner B ill Colvlg also are honored In this Issue. W ith relief we report that B ill Is recovering from a recent fall while hiking In which he broke his neck. We solicit prayers of fraternal support for his well-being.

We continue to offer the works o f so many creative photographers and lots o f fine fictio n . Val Cox, our spirituality editor, welcomes bro. |ohannes zlnzensdorf as a regular columnist. We thank Peter Baker for six years of dedicated, quality contributions. He's servin' up his last Buns In this one. O u r W eb P a g e - a t lasrtf Goatboy passed on his Faerie Archives for the last two Issues to create for us a fabulous, pansy filled web site Check us out at

http://www. ml ndsprl ng.com/~goatboy/rfd/ L a st T h in g s — th e R FD t h is tim e For #95 we name oursefves Ravishing Furry Dudes In both praise and exhortation of beards and bare bears, elders and fuzziness, and fantasies of wet tongues lashing those moist hairy surfaces. Another season is here. fo Jog, The S h o rt M o u n ta in C olle ctive

R a v is h in g F u r r y D u d e s Vol XXV

Issue 95

No 1

R F D is a reader-w ritten jo u rn al for gay men w h ich focuses on country liv in g and encourages alternative life-styles A rticles often explore the b u ilding o f a sense o f co m m u nity, radical faerie consciousness, caring for the environm ent, as w e ll as sharing gay m e n ’s experiences. E d ito rial responsibility is shared betw een the D epartm ent Editors and the M a n ag in g Editors. T h e business and general production is centered at Short M t. Sanctuary in rural M id d le Tennessee. Features are often prepared in various places by different groups. R F D (IS S N # 0 1 4 9 -7 0 9 X ) is pub lished quarterly for $ 2 0 per year by Short M t. C o llective, Rt 1, Box 8 4 A , L ib erty, T N 37 095. Periodicals postage is paid at

BEAR M E N AT 93 M A R C H O N W A S H IN G T O N

Lib erty, T N and additional m ailin g offices. Postmaster: Send address changes to R F D , P .O . B ox 6 8 , L ib erty, T N 3 7 0 9 5 .

E ditors 8r M anagers IS S N # 0 1 4 9 - 7 0 9 X U S P S # 0 7 3 -0 1 0 - 0 0

B B B / P en P als : R oss N antz,

VA Letters, ctcj Sandorfag , TN P oetry: TbM S eidner, NJ B usiness M gr.: Gabby Haze, TN T ransport.: Keith T homason, TN Fiction: Ja n N athan Long,

Contact Letters: Lee, TN Food : B o Y oung ,

Music: Jerin, TN M Co x NM STV, TN

Spirituality: V al M ailing M g r :

N o n -p ro fit tax exem pt status under # 2 3 -7 1 9 9 1 3 4 as a function o f G ay C o m m u n ity Social Services Seattle, W ashington. M em b er:

P roduction M g r : S r M issionary P D eTjgrt

C L M P (C o uncil o f L iterary M agazines & Presses) IG L A ( In t ’ l G ay &

Cover Credits; cover layout and design by Stevee Postman front cover: James Broughton arvd Joel Singer by Randy LaMorte back cover: the Hanged Man from Stevee Postman's new Cosmic Tribe Tarot deck To order, (415)905-9393 or www.gtevee.com____________

Lesbian Assoc.) Indexed by A lte rn ativ e Press Index P .O . B ox 3 3 1 0 9 B altim o re, M D 2 1 2 1 8 R F D C o v e r Price is $6 .5 0 . A regu lar subscription is the least expen sive w ay to receive it 4 tim es a year!

Contents Feature; A Celebration o f Elders BIG JOY: Homage to James Broughton by FVanklin Abbott Walt Whitman by W.R Griffth Lou Harrison on CD by Jody Dalton Lou Harrison 8rCa.: An Appreciation by Stuart Norman

Articles 8r Essays Tm Gay' by Don Schrader Kate Bomstein, an Interview by feerique Introduction to the Tarot by Olmo Culinary £• hardening The Wild Garden: Pawpaws by Dancing Mane Communions by Bo Young Baker's Buns by Peter Baker

37-40 41 42 43-4S

21-25 49 12-13 14 15

Spirituality Faerie Fire: Rituals to Live By by Stamen Circle 15-19 From the Spirit Garden by bro. johannes einzendorf 20

Drawings 8c Photography 'Agnes has the Talisman' photo by Keith Gemerek Color Me Fuzzy, by Jesse Campbell D.N. Dennis Duncan Hilton Hans and Aaron Steiner All Roads Lead to Sex by David'Jesse'Geisheker Photos by Drew Wojdk, Jan Lynch Daniel Collins, Rick Castro SrRobert Pruzan by Robert Giard by Mark Skinner

Fiction Worms by James Riseborough Squirrel Bait by Ed Hart The Reef by George Hsley Taro by JanNathan Long

26-27 25-31 32 56-57

Departments Between the Lines Book Reviews 50-54 It Cartoons: Anonymous Boy Sr Norn 16, 17 1* Letters 6 Xt, Lunar Calendar, by Delilah 10-11 Vi Music Notes by Jerin 25 > Poetry 5. 46-45, 57

Networking Gatherings Faerie Contacts Communities: Nasalam Australian Faeries Brothers Behind Bars Contact Letters Ads RED Information

6 7 61 62 55-60 63-65 66-71 2 Sr 72.

4 7 26 46-45 65 55 33-37 45, 51-52 24, 55

Contributors Franklin Abbott Peter Baker Anonymous Boy Staccato R Burris Jesse CampbeD Rick Castro Stamen Circle Daniel Collins Brian Cronwall Jody Dalton Delilah D.N. Dennis Mickey Doodles Jack Farris feerique Brian J. Fletcher David 'Jesse' Geisheker Keith Gemerek Robert Giard Frank E. Grant W£. Griffith Hans Charles Hanson Ed Hart Duncan Hilton George lisley Jerin Randy LaMorte JanNathan Long Jan Lynch Dancing Mane Raymond Masters Suijit Mehat Moonwolf Stinging Nettle Stewart Norman Norn Olmo Omostasio Stevee Postman Robert Pruzan Raphael Brian Regienczuk James Riseborough Eugene Salandra Don Schrader Shanandoah Joel Singer Mark Skinner Aaron Steiner Christopher Thomas Marc A Thomas Ed Towniey A Vera Walden Drew Wojcik Kyron Seth Wolf Lone Wolf Bo Young johannes zinzendorf

37-40 IS 16 57 7 36 15-19 ifc,3S 46 42 10-11 26-27 47 46 21-25 46 55 4 45, 51-52 S3-54 41 65 43 25-31 46-45 32 25 FC 56-57 2, 34 12-13 47 3 5 SO, 53 43-45 17 49 1 BC 37 65 45 26-27 7 9 46 35, 40 24, 55 65 45 45 54 51-52 72 ibc,33 50 56 14 20

ÂŠ Keith Gemerek

Agnes has the talisman Am ber Fox, Ontario, 1992

In the sweat-house an old snakeskin arid new detumescings

After the sauna night-breeze on our nipples. The Northern Lights.

HAIKU The night so dark and intimate that I could stroke the stars.

from a FAER Y GATHERING

We look beautiful especially if w e are naked when moongazing.

Autum n 1997, Ontario by The Northern Lights: his kisses travelling up and down mg back

Falling leaves wantonly dirft into motley orgies.

M oonW olf

Maples flaming everywhere - but the poor no longer have wood fires.

a peacock-butterfly hovers over a rainbow o f piss.

Its last blood-red leaves gone, how stiff the creeper on the graveyard wall.

In my autumn groin mist and rain and river are indistinguishable.

Returning to Ireland from Ontario, small fields and the clang o f a prison door.

Anywhere a haiku can be an unfading kind o f snapshot

Hoar-frost on the hair upon the hot chest o f the magic-mushroom gatherer.

M oonW olf Painting (self-portrait) 5

Letters

, Gatherings

Dear RFD.

Short Mountain Fall FroHc

Could the poetry ol Antler and the artwork of Anonymous Bcy be an every-lssue thing7 Their contributions are so gay positive and erotic and charming. They undoubtedly have lots of fans. Do you know if they have any books avail

October 2-11 Celebrate abundance at Short Mountain Sanctuary's Harvest festival. Women, men. children, faeries of all colors, shapes and sizes welcome. For info contact: SMS 247 Sanctuary lane

able. or where to contact them? Two of their biggest fans Santa Barbara, CA

l iberty. TN 37095

letters Id lto r Responds: Thanks for your enthusiasm! W e ll try to run more o f these c o n trib u to r work. So far as we know, they don't have books out. hut were with you rooting for them to make It big. We can't publish their addresses, but If y o u 'll send us yours, w ell passyour names and contact Info on to

F a II F e l i c e

G a th e r in g

D e s tin y

October 9- 11 Fn|qy the dramatic colors of Autumn in New Kngland. For Info: faerie Camp Destiny

them. Dear Editors and Readers of RTD. I am writing to propose several themes for upcoming Issues of RED. 1 have noticed that the themes of some recent Issues have highlighted and Intensified differences that exist between urban

P.O. Box 1492 Brattleboro. VT 05302 or call (802) 257-4871 or email gokey@student.umass.edu

and rural faerles.l suggest that we take a peaceful and loving ltx)k at those things that are shared among us all. I suggest the Ink on these pages celebrate and enrich the things we share as

S^mViAm GMhcrm$ M W o lf Creek

a people.

October 29 - November 2 Samhain Gathering:

'A mixed gen

der gathering for Radical faeries and Friends." For info contact

The rhythms of the Earth is one thing that we all share. It is d if ficult to live on this planet and not be affected ty them. The

Nomenus P.O. Box 170358 San Francisco, CA 94117

special difference that Is Important Is how faeries respond to these rhythms. The rhythms of the farth and their affect on our lives are things we all share. Your unloue perceptions shared with other readers

A F^cric Christmas m Dorset

of this digest can keep us all nurtured, strong and wiser.

2 1 - 2 8 December. 1998 The tdward Carpenter Community's holiday residential for gay and bisexual men, held thisyear at Mokton Wyld Court, a

if larth-rhythms are too abstract a concept, how about an issue that Includes the stories of how lovers met each other? Or even

stone-built Victorian rectory in a secluded valley just 3 miles from the sea. Fees on a sliding scale. For information write: tdward Carpenter Community

left each other. Personal stories of transformation Is a powerful thing we all can create; we all can share with each other. And sharing Is what this journal does best.

130 Burrows Court Nottingham NG3 2DE. England

Blessed be. Ska Letters t dltor Responds: Sorry Ska. we lo slyo o r letter and lust lound It some months later. Thanks lor yo u r suggestions. We hope It will inspire contributions which w e ll be printing In forthcoming Issues o f RTD.

D uring this weekend Mr. Stewart w ill explore with us some of the basics o f Faery Healing: working with water and prayers; with stones; with allies and co-walkers; with plants and herbs as medicines and as living beings; healing through touch and removal of Influences.

FAERY HEALING: A WORKSHOP In A shvllle, NC October 17 - 18, 1998

R.j. Stewart, originally from Scotland. Is the leading writer and teacher o f Celtic. Faeiy. and Underworld traditions in the USA. His books. The Underworld In itia tio n , & Earth, Light, and Power W ithin the Land, have become classics for people and groups exploring Earth S pirituality.

D id you know that there are ancient teachings and methods of healing arts w ithin the Celtic and faery traditions of Britain and Europe? These methods work today, and here In America. R.j. Stewart, the leading authority from Europe on pre Celtic and Celtic shamanism, w ill conduct a workshop In Ashvllle. NC on Faery Healing. October 17 18.

The workshop costs $160 and the contact person is Michael Young. 600 Webb Creek Road, Falrvlew, NC 28730 (828)628^4414.

FLUCTUATING FAERIE FOLK FINDER a.k.a. Amber Fox

email j.ferguson@pi net

PO Box 874 Smithvtlle TN 37166

A radical Faerie Enclave Box 65. McDonald's Comers

Eastern Europe/Baltlc C lrd e do Alex aid er Romcnski

0 8 74

Ontario C A N A D A 613/278-2744

KOG IMO

615/597-4409

Northwestern Faeries 1510 19th Ave Seattle W A 98122

email: tr3ybum@dekalb net

Oklahoma Radical Faeries

Y'abadusc pst. 165/8

IM A G IN E blovcrslty

PO Box 32321 Oklahoma City OK

0 0 0 9 Tallinn ESTONIA

Men s Tropical Permaculture Community 1*0 Box 1463 Pahoa.

73123 405/722 8985 Panlhcos

email: cciobieCrfsuperaje.com

France. Parts Faeries

Atlanta Faerie C lrd e 7 7 0 /4 4 6 9946

do Ffthimios Kalos. 7 Rue

HI 96 778 808/334-3359 voicemail

1*0 Box 9S43 Santa Fe N M 87504 email Mvrks@aol com

$nakeowl@aol. am i

Payenne. 75003 Paris. France Tel 33 I 4 0 2 7 02 95 Fax 33 1 4 0 2 7

Austin Area Faeries

02 96 email efthimlos@aol.com

Irish Radical Faeries An Sidheog, 7| Baltyculter Road.

Philadelphia Faeries do Chris Bartlett. 234 N 3rd #103

PO BO X 80618 Austin T X 78708

France: Les Fees de Montpellier

Loughkeelan, Downpatrick.

Philadelphia. PA 19106

512/703 85752 info line

do Pierre Vazquez. 38 rue de

County Down BT30 7BD.

215/574 0153; bartlett@critpath.org

512/836 57715 fax

I aiguillerie 3 4 0 0 0 Montpellier

Northern Ireland

Pianpkin Hollow

email lazarus@bga.com http://www.realtim e.net/-lazarus

France

Kawashaway Sanctuary do Gordon-Oakes 1*0 Box 50458

1467 Pumpkin Hollow Rd., Liberty. T N 37095

Minneapolis M N 554 05 612/874-9079 ask for Rocky

615/536 5022

Tel: 33/04/67 6 0 89 30

Australia

GAYA: Heidelberg Faerie C lrd e Blucherslr. I. W -6 9 0 0 Heidelberg.

c/o lames and Gary. POB 1220. Llsmore 2 4 8 0 NSW Australia

Germany Germany: Berlin Faeries

Black Leather Wings 1226 25lh Ave. San Francisco

L Affaire

Rose o f Sharon Rt. 2 Box I30A2 Flkins AR 72727

c/o Karl Kuegle. Gaudystr. 26

Beau Monde POB 3036 Pineville

501/643-3855

D - 10437 Berlin. Germany

IA 71361

574122 415/584-1954

email: kueglKrfberlin.snalu.de

email: geofwCrfsirius.com

Germany: Rheingold Faeries

Las Ha das del Sol Faeries o f the Sun. San Diego CA

w a rn * ?

Blue Heron Farm 6 8 Streeter Rd Dekalb NY 13630 315/347 2178

do Geert Oetken, Berghovencr Sir.57 D -53227 Bonn. Germany tel:

619/226-8161 or 685-7626

49-228-443218 fa x49/228 /944 0l42 email: geert.oetken@ Uinline.de

Canada-Rural Gay Men do PO Box 1155,

German Faeries

Port Hardy BC V O N 2P0 Canada

Kuepers "Merlin"

c/o Wendelin email

San Diego Stonewater Spirit Circle.

Love's Supreme Desire Tabloid “Monthly account of life from a

do larry Hull PO Box 4121

pithy, irreverent IIIV + SF faerie artfag peace activist. Free via

San Diego C A 92164 San Francisco

email bkxibird@sirius.com

Tel-a-Fairy 415/626-3369 Event &

Central NY Faeries c/o Nick Papalonis 4 0 6 S. Plain

message tape for Bay Area faeries

St. #3 Ithaca NY 14850 6 0 7 /3 8 7

Santa Cruz Faliy Line

8262 email

4 08/335-5861 Events and mes

NickCrfpubliccom.com http

sage tape for the Santa C m / area

://wwwpu b liccom. com/web/n i ck/ Chicago Faerie Circle (Kale)PO Box 6 0 7282 Chicago. IL 6 0 6 6 0 -7 2 8 2

Scaerie Faeries do Happy Doodle, 1*0 Box 2737.

(Gwynedd) (773)472-1408 ( Fausto) radfaeries@aol. com

Wheaton M D 20915 301/946-0517

Crown City Faeries

Seattle Fairy Phone

146 S. Main St. #3. Cortland. NY 13045 607/74 5-2 577

206/783-2011 Event tape lor Seattle area.

Denver Fairies 1200 Madison #546. Denver. C O

106354.3615@cotn puse rve. com

Mahan tongo Spirit Garden

80206

Faerie Camp Destiny

Faerie-friendly pantheist hermitage.

37095 615/563-4397 (messages)

PO Box 1492, Brattlcboro. V T 05302 (8 0 2 ) 257-4871

RDI. Box 149. Pitman. PA 17964

Southern California Area Radical

email gokey@student.umass.edu

Men Nurturing Men do Midwest Men's Center, POB

Faeries (SCARF) & Faerie Dish Rag (FDR)

denverfae@aol.com

D .C . Faeries c/o Bart Church. 2456 20th St, N W #103 Washington. D C 2 0 0 0 9 1526

202/234-8652 x6

Short Mountain Sanctuary 247 Sanctuary l ane l iberty TN

www.sover. net/~ma ttbucy/fcd. h tml

705. Chicago II. 60614-0705

F*() Box 2 6 8 0 7 Los Angeles CA

E Mall Falrte MaillngLIIsL Send email to majordomo@quecrnct.org include "subscribe faerie"

Faeries on the W eb http://www.cskimo.com/~davidk/fae

312/494-2654 "Swimming, mas sage, coffeehouses, retreats, natur-

9 0 026 213/666-1350 email soca rad fa e@aol. com

ries/ email submissions to

ists meet regularly."

faedishrag@aol.com

or "subscribe faerie-digest" in the message (not subject line)

davidk@eskimo.com or call Persimmon at 206/935-7762

Nahcotta Sanctuary PO Box Nahcotla, W A 98637

Vancouver Faeries c/o Marcel 6 0 4 /8 7 4 -2 6 3 9

Edward Carpenter Community I Cambridge St., Hebden Bridge-

Fey D irt Portland OR area info line

NYC Radical Faeries PO Box 150296 Brooklyn NY 11215

Vermont Radical Faeries

West Yorkshire H X 7 6LM. United

503/235-0826

718/625 4505

See: Faerie Camp Destiny

Kingdom tel O I422-843996

Frontiers

Nomenus

Z.unl Mountain Sanctuary

email pbt@dial.pipex.com http://www.users.dircon.co.uk/~pa

14 W. Mifflin St. #103 Madison W! 53703 608/251-7424

1*0 Box 170358 San Francisco CA 94117 To visit the sanctuary: PO

1*0 Box 636 Ramah N M 87321 505/783 4 0 0 2

p-aja/ecc/

Ganowungo Sanctuary

Box 312 W olf Creek OR 97497

Euro-Faeries

lay Stratton. 121 Union St..

541/866-2678

dbalsam@prodlgy.com Help R H )

Website: www. eurofaerte.org

Westfield NY 14787

Northwest Faerie Database

keep these lairie contacts up-to

Dutch C lrd e

Holy Faeiy Database

N W Faerie events other than Wolf

date. Send changes/correctlons/

c/o |ohn Ferguson. Noordeindsweg 107a. 2651 LG Berkel en

California and W olf Creek faerie sanctuary events ... P.O. Box

Creek 114 NF 22nd Ave

additions/deletions to RFD Falrte Contacts. PO Box 68.

Rodenrijs. Netherlands tel/fax:

426732 SF C A 94142 ID A - Queer artist community

50 3/735-4758 email RavndVill@aol.com

011/3l /l0/512 0972

Portland OR 97232-3104

email: marcel@vcn.bc.ca

liberty I N 37095

COLOR M E FUZZY!

T E*Sfc CAM P'BfcCC

Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Gay W hy do I choose to tell everyone I'm gay7 I want gays, lesbians, and-bisexuals who feel ashamed and alone In their suffocating closets to see they can risk living open and real in this crazy, cruel, beautiful world I grew up on a farm in Illinois. W hen I graduated from high school in 1964 with highest academic honors in my class. I did not know I was gay; I did not know that many men are in love and make love with men. N o teacher in high school or college told me M ichelangelo. Leonardo da V inci. W alt W hitm an, and a m ultitude o f well-known men in history enjoyed sex with men I wish I had known and en|oyed my sexuality when I was a teenager as many heterosexuals do. Many gay and bisexual men experience their sexual adolescence in their 30'. 40's or older because they did not know or did not accept their sexuality when they were young. I refuse to invest my hours, calls, letters and affection in friendships with people who do not know my romantic attraction to certain men. Such friendships can fade, vanish or turn to hostility when they find out the truth. W hy should I play the fool? I refuse to be a discreet wimp! People who are not gay. lesbian or bisexual are more likely to support equal rights for us if we come out personally to them. My bag I carry says. "I love being gay." A button I wear says â&#x20AC;&#x153;Gay and proud." W hen I am attracted to a man and I approach him. I want him to know from the start I am gay so he w ill not feel deceived. W hat healthy heterosexual man would deny, or keep people guessing about, his strong rom antic attraction to certain women? So why would I deny, or keep people guessing about, my strong romantic attraction to certain men? I want you to know me as I am.

My mother taught me to tell the truth and to stand up

for my convictions. I refuse to live a lie. I have suffered many insults, threats and rejections for being openly gay, but the cost o f living a lie in the long run is even higher and more painful. I would rather be hated by many

you want to be away from the craziness expected at that time, and be in a safe/fabulous/faerie space, celebrating the coming of the new millennium hours before your faerie sisters in America, contact the EuroFaerie 'Headquarters' to place your name on the Anti-Millennium Gathering Mailing List, so we can keep you posted on the scoop and registration for this event. And save these dates:

for who I am than loved for who I am not. I refuse to let this society make me act or feel as if my romance with a man Is a shameful secret or a sick sin quarantined to gay bars, dark parks, and closed bedrooms. I choose to celebrate openly my feelings just as a man and a woman in love would. The main purpose o f sex Is not to have more babies, especially with an exploding population o f more than five billion people. The main purpose o f sex is mutually affectionate, pleasurable connection between persons- male and female, female and female, male and male -w h e th e r for an hour or a lifetim e.

Don Schrader 1810 Silver S.E.. Apt. B AlbuQueroue. N M 87106 505-843-6595

de.c 27 , 1 9 9 9 to |an 2 , 2 0 0 0 Fill out the information below and mail it to: N oordeindsew eg 1 0 7 a / 265 1 LG Berkel en RodenrijS/ THE NETHERLANDS or send us an e-mail through our web site: w w w .e u ro fa e rie .o rg

Name__ Address

Country_ Pleaie print legiblyl

f Greetings everyone. I hope that autumn Is o ffe rln g yo u an abundance o f harvest.

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On the morning of October 4th, the almost full moon w ill conjunct the planet juplter. Two days later, on the evening of the 6th. the moon w ill con|unct Saturn. (I've discussed some of the meaning of these conjunctions in the last Issue o f RFD. Summer 98.) On the 15th the moon w ill con|unct M ars;you w ill see the waning moon above and to the left of Mars on the early morning of the 16th. The evening of the 21st w ill offer you a double treat. Right after sunset the barelyvlslble crescent of the new moon w ill con|unct Mercuiy low on the western horizon. Later that night you w ill see the Orlonlds meteor shower. The meteors w ill appear at a rate o f about 30 per hour. On the 25th Daylight Savings Time ends. D on't forget to set your clocks one hour back. On the evening o f the 31st the moon w ill approach conjunction to Jupiter. It w ill be below and to the right of the planet.

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On the early morning o f the 3rd of November the almost fu ll moon w ill conjunct Saturn. On the morning o f the 13th the old crescent moon w ill be below and to the right of Mars, approaching conjunction. The new moon's conjunction to Mercury w ill be visible on the western horizon after sunset on the 20th. The fo llow ing morning Mercury will turn retrograde. (See the sidebar for more about that.) On November 27 th ,yo u w ill see the moon In conjunction to Jupiter. And on the 30th the moon w ill conjunct Saturn for the second time this month.

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On November 21st It w ill seem, from the viewpoint o f the earth, as if the planet M ercuiy Is changing Its direction, and starting to move backwards. (Mercury w ill continue Its retrograde movement through December llth , when It w ill change directions again and resume Its direct motion.)

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December w ill start with the moon's conjunction to Mars late night on the 12th. On the 13th (give or take a couple o f days) the Gemlnlds meteor shower w ill grace the night sky at a rate of about 50 meteors per hour. Shortly before sunrise on the 16th the old moon w ill be below and to the right o f Mercuiy very low on the eastern horizon. You w ill see the new moon conjunct Venus on the evening of the 19th. This w ill be the first time that Venus Is visible since It came too close to the sun for observation. Venus w ill remain the evening star for most o f 1999. On the 25thyou w ill see the moon slightly above and to the left o f Jupiter, and on the 27th the moon w ill conjunct Saturn.

In Greek and Roman mythology Mercury (AKA Hermes) was the messenger o f the Gods, delivering messages between Heaven, Earth, and the Underworld. Neither male nor female. Mercury was able to pass through gates that those with more fixed Identities could not. Mercuiy Is also associated with the Hindu God Ganesh, the guardian o f crossroads; w ith Odin, the Nordic God who traded his eyesight for wisdom; and with Coyote, the Native American Trickster. In astrology Mercury Is the planet that rules all forms o f communications and mental activities— the openness reoulred to receive information; the fle xib ility to process It; and the a b ility to sort It out and choose what's relevant to you. Whereas talking about something tends to set It In stone, M ercuiy asks us to remember that there is always another way to look at things.

Every four months Mercury goes retrograde for three weeks. Mercuiy rules communications, and while It "moves backwards" communications and all things mental might seem a bit backwards too. Extreme examples might Include phones breaking down, misunderstandings due to mlscommunlcations. and letters getting lost (all of which have happened to me In the past, during Mercuiy retrogrades). But these nuisances are masking a lesson for us. D uring the three weeks when Mercury The best days for planting above-ground crops are: October 3, 4, 20-22, 25-27, November 3. 22. 23. 26-28. December I, 2, 19. Is retrograde we are asked by this messenger to take a deep breath and slow down our need to explain and think about 20, 24. 25. 28. 29. everything. For three weeks we might choose to trade our knowledge o f How Things Are with some hidden internal The best days for planting root crops and perennials are: October 7, 8, II, 12, 18, 19, November 4, 7, 8. 17, 18. December wisdom. A broken answering machine might be the Trickster s way of telling us to meditate more and talk less. 5. 6. 14, 15. This Is It for now. Stay warm, and blessed be.

Keep one thing in mind though: given how fickle Mercury can be. perhaps none of what I've just tried to describe in words w ill actually come to pass. (W ink, w ink..,)

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Whcxe oh whcxe, whexe’A little Susie? Whcxe oh uthexe, whcxe a little Susie? Whcxe oh whexe, whexe’A little Susie— ‘W a y down yondex in th’ IPxuapuw patch! Nichin’ up (Pxuvpawx, put ‘em in youx pochet, kickin’ up- Otcunpuws, put ‘em in youx pochet, tJUchin’ up tPawpawA, put ‘em in youx pochet, ‘W a y down yondex in th* Olawpuw. patch!

Jxaditional Ho-lh&any Early fall is the time of year for the words of the familiar song (“Pickin’ up Pawpaws, put 'em in your pocket”) to be put into actual prac tice, though in reality I suspect very few Pawpaws are actually picked up in this area. Most people are either uninformed or seem to believe the fruits are inedible or undesirable. However, Pawpaw devotees would certainly disagree! The Pawpaw (Asimina trilo ba) is the only member of a group of

mostly tropical plants known as the Custard Apple Family which grows in temperate North America. (The generic name is derived from a Native American name for the fruit, Assimin.) Pawpaws occur naturally throughout the Southeast and into the midwest, as far north as the southernmost parts of the eastern Canadian provinces. Pawpaw trees are usually rela tively small, rarely stouter than a hoe handle, though occasional speci

mens with a diameter of four or five inches and a height of 20 or 30 feet may be found. Most commonly found beneath other larger forest trees in relatively dense shade, they are at their best in coves and valleys along creeks and streams, and north facing slopes. (At Short Mountain Sanctuary there is a nice patch of Pawpaws between the yurt and the new pavilion, on the slope falling northward away from the Maypole... some of them bear fruit occasionally.) Pawpaw trees clothe them selves rather densely with slick, smooth-edged, dark green leaves which tend to cluster at the tips of twigs and droop a bit, imparting a dis tinctly tropical mood to the tree’s per sonality. Established, mature trees may send up many root suckers, thus stablishing a clonal colony. The phrase “Pawpaw patch” celebrated in the folksong is truly an apt descrip tion. There is usually a thicket of several dozen mostly small trees instead of only one or two at a given site. Before the leaves appear in the spring (late March/early April here in the middle south) rather novel-looking blossoms appear on branches which have matured two season’s growth. The six-petaled blossom consists of an inner group of three petals enclosed by an outer group of three petals. Petals are oddly textured and are a dull purplish brown, while the fragrance of the blossom is an unpleasant, musky scent which I’ve compared to moldy tennis shoes. (The blossoms attract fly species for pollination.) A few smooth-skinned fruits may follow the flowers, usually singly, but occasionally in clusters of two or three. (A two or three lobed Pawpaw fruit, dangling pendulously from among the summer leafage, wins my own “Most erotic fruit award” hands down!) The fruits mature on the tree all summer, starting out a dull green, a slightly lighter shade than the leaves, and at maturity are about the size and shape of small to medium baking potatoes. Ripe fruits have a very distinctive, heavy fragrance, and contain a soft, custard-like, nutritious pulp. This resembles an over-ripe banana in texture, and is considered

Pawpaw Blossoms [Shown life-size]

S delicious by some, cloying by others. Numerous large brown seeds, a little larger than kidney beans, are also contained in the fruit. The flavor is unique, and cannot adequately be compared to anything else. It may be eaten raw or prepared into a number of delicious dishes and desserts including jams, puddings, and pie. (However, for many, the smell of ripe-especially over-ripe-Pawpaws tends to become unpleas ant or even sickening after any length of time.). Many times I have prepared a simple Pawpaw pudding recipe advocated by Euell Gibbons by com bining equal parts fresh strained Pawpaw pulp and egg custard, and putting this in a graham cracker crust. If you don’t tell your friends what it is, most will find it delightful. (Gibbons advised locking the doors to protect this delectable dessert from the neighbors!) Here in the south the fruits are usually ripe by mid-September. I have often harvested some on Labor Day. As they ripen, they become soft to the touch and paler green in color. This is exactly when they should be harvested-picked off the trees. Soon thereafter, they fall to the ground, rapidly turning brownish and then black when over-ripe. One has to be quick to time the harvest, for once the fruits hit the ground the Oppossums and Raccoons usually snatch them up. Native American groups in the south reportedly used the very tough bark of the Pawpaws in various

ways. Cut into strips it can serve as straps or be woven into rope or mats. The bark strips off naturally into long narrow pieces which are virtually impossible to tear or break. The bark of related South American tree species is used in similar ways by present day indiginous peoples. I’ve always felt Pawpaws have significant value for landscap ing. A Pawpaw patch in Autumn flaunts a brief but attractive show of pale yellow foliage. The tree will sur vive in a wide range of conditions, from mostly sunny to deeply shaded, and is one of the choice trees for shaded, understory situations. The attractive summer foliage con tributes genuine ornamental interest. Unfortunately, suckers and even

young trees are virtually impossible to transplant, and the best means of propagation is from seeds. These are not a sure bet either, but plant several seeds in humus where you want them to grow as soon as the seeds are harvested, and a few may sprout the following spring. Trees grown from seed in pots are avail able from some native plant nurs eries, and are relatively easy to establish. Some named cultivars touted for superior fruit characteristes are reaching the market. Seedlings may grow very slowly the first year or two, but after three or four years very rapid growth will commence in favorable condtions. The best location is one with rich, loamy soil with adequate mois ture and some afternoon shade at the least. This is an ideal choice for growing under other larger trees. Happy gardening!

DANCING MANE describes himself as a rural-dwelling long-haired natureboy, a sensitive, gentle satyr, intimately bound to nature and the environment, and a passionately dedicated gardener/landscaper/botanist who would wel come questions, comments, or com munications from fellow faerie plant s p irits -e s p e c ia lly long-haired ones! Write c/o RFD.

a tray o f pawpaw seedlings, ready to be potted up to next size pot & fertilized

COMMUNIONS

have intuited, as they have used their power to make easily spoiled foods palatable and safe to eat. In naturefs perpetual perfection the very chiles that are needed for p a y a b ility and food safety grow best In the regions that need them. Rich in vitamin A and C - - a two ounce chile provides twice the recommended daily requirement o f vitamin A - as well as being significant sources o f potassium, fo lic acid and vitamin E. studies have shown that chiles may prevent heart disease and blood d o ts as well as helping digestion. Chiles are relatively simple to grow if your climate suits the particular type of ch lle yo u have chosen to plant. The plants are prolific, so eight or ten plants w ill provide ample crop for a small group of people. Chiles cross-pollinate freely (hence the large number of varieties) and should be grown separately so thathybrldlzatlon Is kept to a minimum. O f course, you can always experiment, but be prepared to have your head blown off by the hotter results; hotter chills w ill prevail over adjacent milder plants.

by Bo Young There Is communion o f more than our bodies when bread Is broken and wine Is drunk. ’ Tongues o f Fire Buffy writes from Zunl Sanctuary In New Mexico: “One of our most beloved meals here happens to be our version of the traditional burrlto We call It B urrlto Bar. loseph. who lives here, has a recipe In his head from his mother for homemade tortillas, which is the beginning and the base of this meal On top of that we have: beans, either refried or whole; roasted green chiles, salsa; rice; black olives, and for those dairy folk: sour cream, cheddar cheese, and/or yogurt. And really whatever else we want to add. "The beauty of this type of meal is that it satisfies all the various dietary needs of visitors. You aren't stuck with a casserole, half of which is cheeseless for vegan folk, but cheese sometimes being the main Ingredient of the dish, it can tend to be tasteless. W ith B urrlto Bar, people make their own, and there Is always plenty of different things, sometimes so many; seconds are common at this meal. W ith the last one, aged cactus, known as nopales, was one o f the selections. W hile we haven't used cactus from the land, that might be a possibility in the future."

The sheer versatility of chiles make them a pleasure to work with (carefully...and remember not to ru b yo u r eyes when working with hot chiles.) They can be dried, pickled, baked, and stuffed. They can be used as a vegetable or a seasoning. Dried and tied together in long ropes called rlstras they are even decoratively hung in kitchens (I had a lover once who served the same purpose), and many plants are used purely for their attractive color and shapes In gardens. They range in heat from the heatless, bland sweetness of the bell pepper in all its rainbow o f colors to the flame throwing heat of the Habaneros. Scotch Bonnets and Jamaican Hots. One unusual and delicious combination is to sprinkle powdered Pepin chile on papayas, mangoes and melons, the searing heat playing o ff the sweet succulence of the fruit.

Having tasted this sumptuous dinner w'hen the Zunl clan made It for the Spring SMS Beltane Gathering, a lot of faeries can attest to its variety and appetite satisfying Qualities, it practically violates the first rule of cuisine: "Never eat anything bigger than your head.”

My personal favorites are Anchos and Chlpotles. Anchos are dried Poblanos. The Ancho (Spanish for "wide") is the sweetest of the dried chiles with the mild fru it and woody flavors of coffee, licorice, tobacco, plum and raisins. Along with the Mulato and the Pasllla, Ancho forms the "holy trinity" of chiles used to make traditional mol£ sauces. O f course. In the Ancho s fresh state - the Poblano - it is the essential ingredient for rellenos, a dish, like the Zuni Burrlto, whose fillin g is lim ited only by yo u r Imagination.

What interests me most about the Zunl B urrlto is the one ingredient that can take the meal — and your mouth - to a new world altogether: CHILES. I have eaten some that have Induced an out of body experience! One o f the essential elements of North American food -- including tomatoes, SQuash, beans and corn - chiles range from smoke to fire. There are as many as ISO to 200 known varieties of chiles, not to mention rarc'varleties that probably haveyet to be discovered growing in remote regions of Mexico and South America. Their flavors and heats are as diverse as their numbers. Numbers are often used to rate the heat of chills. The commonly accepted scale is the Scovllle unit, which can range from zero to over $00,000. For our purposes, we w ill rate the chills on a scale from I to 10.

Chipotles are smoked lalapenos. The smoky flavor combined with the heat o f the Jalapeno makes it a perfect addition for sauces and stews and soups. A little goes a long way, as is the case with most hot chiles. You can always add more...you can't add less! Heat can be further modified and controlled by removing the seeds and whitish membranes inside the chiles. Again, be sure to wear gloves and/or wash your hands immediately after handling and avoid touching your eyes. If you think chiles are hot in your mouth, you donft even want to know how much they can burn your eyes.

Chiles were one o f the earliest plants to be cultivated In the pre Columbian North American continent and were common to the diets of the Incas, the Olmecs, the Mayans and the Aztecs. The sophistication of the Aztec cuisine, which Included m olf and ptplan sauces and tamales formed the historical basis for the modern Mexican diet. Taken back to f urope and throughout the world by the Spanish explorers, they spread worldwide in their cultivation and have become a central Ingredient on every continent, used as a food, a flavoring and a preservative

Should you find yourself with a three alarm dish, the most effective antidotes to the capsaicin burn are (sorry, vegans) dairy products such as milk or yogurt. Starchy foods like rice and bread w ill also neutralize the alkaloids that burn like fire on the tongue. For people trying to lim it the fats in their diet, such as people with HIV or those simply trying to eat less fat, the use of peppers and chiles can replace the flavor carrying

Recent studies have shown that many chiles indeed have the antibiotic and antiseptic Qualities that many cultures

continued on page 16

SUMMER 1993 #74 Like the W inter '93 column but dealing with cakes. I start out with a discussion o f the basic cake ingredients (flour, fats, sugar, salt. eggs, leaveners) and the part they play In producing a cake. The latter half explains 2 ways o f mixing cakes, the creaming method and the 2-stag method. FALL 1993 #7$ There are 2 letters from mv readers In this column, after which I launch into a description of common cake faults, their causes and cure. The faults listed are I. cakes fall during baking, 2. cake crust is too thick and/or dark. 3. cakes are too small and/or tough; 4. cake grain is dense; and lastly. 5. cakes burst in the oven.

Hello Friends and Fellow Bakermen!

WINTER 1993 #76

Hope that you have enjoyed your summer as much as 1 have Seems to go altogether too ctuickly these days!

Again, there are a couple of letters here and then 3 recipe for h o n ^ or maple buttercream with instructions on how- to make them.

Anyhow, this column marks six years since The Baker's Buns was first published in RFD. That was in the Fall issue of 1992. I have met some of you who read this column, regularly or not, and know that many o f you do not bake too much, but enjoyed reading it anyway. Now, that's a compliment! I, too have en|qyed w riting it for all o f you and sharing my knowledge o f baking.

SPRING 1994 #77 This column consisted entirely o f letters you sent In.

SUMMER 1994 #78 Pie fillin g s were the topic, specifically fru it pies, with some Information on changing ingredients to use natural sweeteners. I talked a little about using whole-grain flours in the pie crust and about the various thickeners and their properties.

The time has come for me to move on to other endeavors, so this w ill be the last Baker's Buns column in this magazine. I w ill not get into any topic this last time. I hope you have enjoyed the last 2 columns on wheat and flour m illing. It was certainly fun to research them and to try to shrink a reasonable overview of the available knowledge (which fills volumes, literally) Into the space o f this column. But, In re-reading them, 1 was satisfied and learned a few' things In the process myself.

FALL 1994 #79 Lamination (ro llin g fats Into doughs) was the subject o f this issue. An extensive discussion o f this method o f leavening was given. This Is applicable to puff pastry, croissants, or danlsh. WINTER 1994 #80

Pondering how to close the Baker's Buns, I thought it a good Idea to present an index of all the previous column, just in case some might want to refer to the inform ation they contain at a future date.

In a break with the usual focus o f the Baker's Buns, this column contained recipes sent in by various readers. They include; Focaccla. Butternut Candy, Sugarless Spice Cake.and Buttermilk cake.

FALL 1992 #71

SPRING 1995 #81

This first installment dealt with pie crusts. I described what causes a crust to be tough, and,conversely, what causes flakiness or tenderness. A b rie f discussion o f Ingredients ensued, followed by a description o f the proper technique for making an appealing crust.

There was one more recipe here, a latecomer, for Organic Ginger Snaps. The remainder of the column was devoted to cakes, with an eye for producing them using non-traditlonal (i.e., natural food) ingredients. Suggestions were given as to ingredients substitution and adjustment.

WINTER 1992 #72

SUMMER I99S #82 umvwcamMaBcmmt Here, I continued the discussion begun In the previous Issue, again offering thoughts on the area of natural foods baking, focusing on pies (fru it and custard) and tarts. These 2 columns were Intended to jog the imagination of the natural foods baker, rather than offer the usual specific knowledge, as this area Is not in my usual expertise.

Here, a list of the basic Ingredients In bread (flour, yeast, salt, and water) was given with the part they play In dough formation and the finished product. Since most recipes Include how to make the bread, I discussed various Information and tips that would help to produce a tasty loaf, including baking and storage. SPRING 1993 #73

FALL I99S #83

This column was all about common bread faults, what causes them and the right corrective action. The faults listed were I. bread doesn't rise at all or too much; 2. bread doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t rise enough; 3. bread has large holes In It; 4. the top of the loaf separates from the rest; and finally, 5. bread lacks flavor.

The Bakerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Buns was not published In this Issue. WINTER 1995 #84 This one Is all about how to properly cut a cake so that It Is straight and perpendicular when you are finished.

SPRING 1996 #8$ C ontinuing with cake construction. I devote the entire column to a verbal description of how to frost a cake.

FALL 1997 #91 Since the recipe in the last column only included half of the process, the rest Is given here with rather poor accompanying pictures (which the production mgr.thought looked charmingly

SUMMER 19% #86

oriental.)

Chocolate harvesting and manufacture of chocolate were the topics In this Issue.

WINTER 1997 #92

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Returning to the subject o f bread, this column dealt, firs t, with a partial list of what constituted aroma, and concluding with a description of the process of baking bread in the oven.

PALL 1996 #87 Finishing up the Information on chocolate, here I discuss the tempering of chocolate, beginning with a de fin ition of untempered chocolate and concluding with various methods for restoring the proper temper.

SPRING 1998 #93 This Baker's Buns dealt entirely with an exposition o f the wheat berry, looking in depth into what comprises the fru it o f the wheat plant.

WINTER 1996 #88 lust a bit more Information on chocolate, then Information on how to properly package cakes for transport is what's In this Issue.

SUMMER 1998 #94 And lastly, this column was a b rief description of the m illing process.

SPRING 1997 #89

<< + > >

The entire column Is devoted to baking times and how to know when things are done In the oven - pies, cookies, cakes, cheesecakes, and bread.

+ >>

Well. Folks, there you have it. I sure have enjoyed my time here, and may write a guest column or two in the future. For now, take care, all of you. This effort would have been worth little without your feedback and enjoyment. Keep those buns abakin'l

SUMMER 1997 #90 First a letter about high altitude baking with an explanation o f this subject and then a treasured recipe from my files constitute this column.

C O M M U N IO N S

<< + »

So. HAPPY BAKING. BABUSHKAS!

continued from page 14

Qualities of fat when used judiciously. Heat tolerance does come with time (as we get older our taste buds become more tolerant) and conditioning. Start at the lower range o f heat such as the Hungarian Red Cherry peppers (I to 3 on the scale). New Mexicos (2 to 4). and Paslllas (3 to 5) and eventually you w ill be popping Teplns (8), Tabascos (9) and Habaneros (10) like peanuts. . . and give a whole new meaning to the term “flaming faerie." ito ic d -L o rn S a ls a 5 ears of fresh corn 1/2 cup mushrooms cleaned and diced (wild if available) 4 teaspoons olive oil 1/4 cup sun or oven dried tomatoes finely diced, or fresh. 2 large Poblano chiles, roasted, peeled, seeded and diced 2 teaspoons minced marjoram or thyme I clove garlic, roasted, peeled and chopped I teaspoon adobo sauce from Chlpotle chiles In adobo sauce 1/2 teaspoon sherry or red wine vinegar I teaspoon fresh lime juice 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt Cut the corn kernels from the cobs. Heat a heavy bottomed skillet over a high heat until almost smoking. Put no more than two layers o f kernels in the pan at a time and dry roast them for'about 5 minutes until smoky and dark, tossing continuously. Saut£ mushrooms in 1/2 teaspoon o f the oil until well cooked, about 10 minutes. Mix the corn, mushrooms, remaining oil and the remaining Ingredients together. Serve room temperature or warm.

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Simple Treatments

If a sprain Isn't properly dealt with at the very beginning, pain can persist for months or years. If this the case, get a product called Po Sum On (get It?), available In most Chinese herb stores. Apply It to the area at least twice a day for about two weeks. It's mostly menthol so If It's unavailable, go for whatever has the most menthol. Before leaving the sub|ect o f sprains. I'd like to say something about arnica. I consider most arnica products, (such as gels and creams), to be a huge waste of money, because most o f them are homeopathic, (sometimes the word homeopathic Is In very small print). I certainly have no Quarrel with homeopathy, but the consumers should realize that the amount o f actual arnica in that tube Is microscopic. Ify o u want to use arnica externally, I recommend arnica oil extract and lots of it. Herb Pharm makes one or you can make it yourself.

b y C lear E n glebert Ailment- Sprains &• Pnltea MncHaa Remedu: Ice Details: I'm just gonna repeat the basic ice advice that Is the universal medical standard. A long with doing the ice treatment, it Is essential to imm obilize the affected area. The Ideal quick way to heal is to put the affected area Into a position o f least or no pain and then find a way to keep it totaljy In that position for at least a day or more. The sooner this Is done the better. Any sharp pain felt In the area means that y o u ’ve just re-in|ured it and undone part o f yo u r healing. The most standard way to im m obilize is to use an ACE bandage. Sprains happen in the midst of activity and there can be a tendency to want to continue with that activity for at least a while. Ify o u do that, It’s gonna take you a hell o f a lot longer to heal. Ifyo u take y o u r sprain seriously at the veiy beginning, you won't have to take it seriously for very long. D on’t massage, stretch or exercise the area and it's a good idea to elevate it. A fter tiying many alternatives. I ’ve come to believe that a standard ice pack (at any pharmacy) is Quite Ideal for applying the Ice. Ifyo u don’t already have one, get one - before you need Itl Ice advice: Put the Ice pack on the affected area Immediately. Immediately means that as soon as the Injury occurs.your next direction Is toward ice. The longer It takes to get ice on It. the less your chances for healing fast and easy. Leave the Ice pack in place for 20 minutes, then take It o ff for 20 minutes. Continue doing this cycle unfailingly and unabated for the first 24 hours. If there Is no pain the next morning then there is probably no need to continue with the Ice. If there is pain then continue with the Ice: 20 minutes on, 20 minutes off. Severe sprains can take several days to heal, so get used to the Ice cycle and don't fuck with It. •H o t pads and hot tub soaks are to be avoided for the first few days. •Once the ice in the pack has mostly turned to water, drain o ff the water and add more Ice. • I f it's utterly Impossible to get Ice, use cold water.

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RITUALS TO LIVE BY

West: "Power of West, Power of Sea, Power to FeeL Help me/us see the choices ahead, and their consequences, that we may bring about thefuture that I/we dream."

FAERIE FIRE

North: "Power o f North, Power of Earth, Power o f Will Help me/us see the choices ahead, and their consequences, that I/we may manifest thefuture we envision."

E L E C T IN G T H E F U T U R E

The hill of I‘>98 marks another election season — most of Congress will face the voters, as will many local candidates from dogcatchcr to mayor Many faeries, no doubt, will be working their own magicks to elect gay-friendly and proenvironment politicians Rather than working to elect a particular candidate, however, this ritual is geared toward electing a future — making the choices at the ballot box (or choosing not to vote, for that is a valid choice, also) — to manifest that future The theme of the ritual is the power of the Cauldron of Cerridwcn to transform the future. But rather than representing the Cauldron as an actual cauldron, or a cup, or a bowl, in this ritual the Cauldron is represented by a facsimile of a ballot box. The box is made by one or more group members before the ritual, and can be embellished as desired with magickal symbols Your "ballots" in this ballot box are things that represent how you would like to see the future They might be written and enclosed in envelopes, just like "real" ballots. Or they might be any tokens of your vision of the future, as long as they fit into the slot in the top of the ballot box. Whether this ritual is done solo or as a group, each faerie should come to the ritual prepared to share aloud his vision of the postelection future, and how his token reflects that vision.

Each faerie should come to the ritual prepared to share aloud his vision o f the post-election future.

In the center of the Circle is your ballot box, the Cauldron of Cerridwcn, the womb in w hich the future is taking shape and a liminal place of power between the worlds. At each of the four Quarters is a deuce card from the Tarot (or a regular card deck) corresponding to that quarter and representing the choices to be made in this year's elections (ie.. the Two of Pentacles at the North to represent choices about the economy or the land). Ground and center according to whichever personal method/s work best for you. Cast a formal Circle if it is your normal practice to do so. When you arc ready, invoke the lour Quarters w ith these or words of your choosing:

If desired, a deity of Fate. Fortune, or Choice may be invoked. Each participant in the ritual should now share aloud his vision of the post-election future and how the token he has brought represents that vision. When he finishes, he takes the token to each of the four Quarters for their blessings. When he returns to the seated circle, he places the token in the ballot box. voicing again his/her vision of the future and saying.

East "Power of East, Power of Air, Power of Mind. Help me/us see the choices ahead, and their consequences, that I/we may bring about a new dawn of understanding South "Power of South, Power of Flame, Power of Passion. Help me/us see the choices ahead, and their consequences, that l/we may bring about a future of love and warmth."

"In our minds, so be i t " 18

The Quarters and any deities, if invoked, should now be thanked for their presence The Circle is ended The group member placed in charge of the box should keep it scaled and in a safe place until the

In the center o f the C ircle is your ballot box, the Cauldron of Cerridwen, the womb in which the future is taking shape.

When all have shared their visions of the future and placed their tokens in the box/Cauldron. the group will charge the box and its contents with the following rune or one of their choosing: "She Changes Everything She Touches; And Everything She Touches, Changes" After the box is charged, the group should share a simple meal and drink to replenish their energy. After this ritual meal, a member of the group is vested with the responsibility to seal the box and keep it sealed until the day after the election. While he is sealing the box. the group may chant this or other words of their choosing:

day after the election, at which time s/he should dispose of the box and its contents in an environmentally responsible manner.

" From the deep and hallowed ground We havefound and we have bound Our hopes andfutures, visions bright, To Paths of Darkness, Paths of Light"

FAERIE FIRE is written by members of Stamen Circle, a gay men's ritual and study group. For more information, please email us at keerl@aol.com or write us at POB 6873, Oak Ridge, TN 37831-6873.

. . v s a n & e m a il. rnsn.coffl

SPIRIT ALERT!-® B N D B X t I I

C A T C H T H E K A T E B O R N S T E I N I N T E R V I E W I N T H I S IS S U E /

Share your responses to these questions ^ In few words (or pictures) or many. Be profound. Be funny. Be both.

Spl * I T % Y° U R

Write to Spirituality Editor c/o RED or e-mail to vsan@email.msn.com Responses will be featured in Issue 97-Spring 99 tit ♦ a lw a y s looking for general submissions to S pirituality. In u n d ate us!

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L a st issue w e d id n 't m e n tio n th a t besides R obert B a rz a n ’s

SEX AND SPIRIT, EXPLORING GAY MEN'S SPIRITUALITY

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subject o f em otions in animals. "It will change your ideas o f sentiency" proclaim ed a blurb on the back cover. Emotions in animals, what a novel idea, I thought. This is new? O r did it just take scientific research to make the idea legitimate? In any case, the idea that animals have emotions should be obvious to anyone who lives w ith them. In my experi ence, animals, including birds, are capable o f every em otion that humans have, such as joy, sorrow and fear. This realiza tio n has made me more inclined to see them tru ly as brothers and sisters and less as objects to eat and wear. It is com m on practice among certain groups to dehu manize the objects o f their hate by referring to them as ani mals. Both Jews and cops have been referred to as pigs, for example, making it easier to deal w ith them as less-thansentient creatures. But this practice degrades not only peo ple but animals as well, for animals aren't even animals if we mean that they are dumb, unfeeling beasts. My father always to ld me it was all right to catch fish because they d idn 't feel the hook caught in their mouths. In that sense, fish were little different than swimming lumps of clay. th e interesting thing about sentiency is that we judge other creatures by our own consciousness, yet I wonder how sentient we really are. N ot very, I sometimes feel. O ur own sentiency has been hit hard the last century and a half if by sentiency we mean the ability to make choices, free w ill and all that. Traditional thought is that we have it and animals don't. Yet beginning w ith Darwin and continuing w ith Freud, we realize that hum anity is as much a product of genetics as it is by whatever we mean by free will. As our own free will has become increasingly ques tioned, its existence w ith in animals has become increas ingly observed. Animals make choices. They're not autom atons because autom atons can't respond to chang ing conditions; they can't survive. Animals make choices all the time; they are goal oriented even if that goal is simply to maintain life, which is precisely the goal o f most o f humanity. The issue of what is sentiency is a fam iliar one for Star Trek fans, for at each newly discovered planet, the same issue is faced; Is it inhabited by sentient life forms? Am ong the questions asked o f creatures on such a plan et are: Do they live in houses? Do they make fire? Do they watch TV? But the major question is, do they talk? Meaning, do they use a symbolic language to com m uni cate? That is, does a squawk or bark actually mean "sky"? If so, that traditio n a lly has been the prim ary clue to sen tiency. And by that d efinition, hum anity is indeed the only sentient species on earth of which I am aware. Now, symbolic language may indeed say a lot about the size o f our cerebellum, but it ignores a whole range o f ani mal com m unication that is not symbolic. Indeed, humans never speak w holly in symbolic language. A cry o f pain is just that and nothing more. And language is not the only form o f higher conscious ness. I believe that animals use sights, sounds and smells as the basis o f consciousness, that they are stored as memo-

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ries and linked together in the brain so that my turkeys, for example, know that my voice and physical presence in d i cates the likely possibility o f food, and that excites them, it makes them eager. They anticipate food because they re ceived it in the past, so they come running when they see me. To me, that is a form o f sentiency. But it w ould not be enough to keep Captain Kirk from recom mending coloniz ing a turkey planet. A fter all, turkeys don't w rite poetry or build cars, which I take as a definite measure o f their in te lli gence. The fact is that expanding our de fin ition o f sentiency so that hum anity is not the measure o f all things creates a level playing field for the first tim e in history. It means we must relate to other species on their level, not our own. It leads to interaction, not dom ination and submission. It makes for tw o-w ay com m unication. And it makes us realize th a t such creatures have a spirit w ith in them that may be different from ours but is a spirit nonetheless. And who knows where this search w ill stop? One may concede that animals have thoughts, choice and emotions. But most people rule o u t decision- making plants, for example, simply because there's no brain, or rather no brain as we understand it. It may be that the choices plants make are simply more restricted than those o f animals. They are stuck in one place w ith o u t m obility, for example, but in drought conditions they can extend roots deeper into the soil. Stimulus-response? O f course. But I suggest there is an awareness just the same. The plant, on some level, is aware, even conscious, o f drought. Well then, let's grant that, but how about rocks? W hat awareness can there be in a lum p o f stone? W hat choices can a rock make? It may be that we are simply not refined enough, subtle enough, to understand the type o f aware ness that a rock may have. Is it even alive? O r does exis tence itself posit some kind o f awareness and con sciousness? I w ould say th a t it does. And here we come to the heart o f Pantheism, that everything has a spirit, even to the biggest rock o f all, Earth itself. For we believe that while the earth has a consciousness and spirit, we as humans are also her consciousness, that she sees, knows and changes herself through us. That we, in effect, are her brain, her hands, her eyes. Such a belief involves a new way o f seeing, a new way of interacting, for it ties everything together in a true unified field. It makes us instrum ents o f salvation in the healing, n u rturing and perfecting o f our M o th e r Earth, what in Jewish theology is called tikkun olam, repairing the world. W hat better or higher purpose can there be for exis tence than that? It tru ly gives us a place and a home. And a way o f transform ing society as we return to the Garden and tru ly know it for the first time. O ur jo b is to tend it, to nur ture it as we tend and nurture ourselves and each other. We are gardeners in the Garden. As T.S. Eliot said, "In our end is our beginning." Adam and Eve return to the Garden and start weeding, tending and planting for the com ing season. Just how beautiful, b o u n tifu l and diverse can the Garden be? That, as Shakespeare m ight have said, is the only ques tion.

Kate B o r n s t e i n Interview by

Feerique

Kate Bomstcin- transgender activist, performer and author of the newly released My Gender Workbook, recently came to Chicago as part of the Visiting Artists program at the Art Institute. I had spoken to her about a year before when the Blue Rider theatre company wanted to produce her We ended up not affording it so I interviewed her instead 1 had heard of Kate a while back when I was involved in the performance scene in Los Angeles. Two years ago a faere I met at Short Mountain told me about Kate's book Gender Outlaw that he was teaching at UC Santa Cruz. I found it an amazing read. Not only in the tough personal revelations of Kate herself, but her philosophies and insights into shamanism, gender, queer theatre and the need for a transgendcr movement I felt 1would not be the same after reading this book. What are my own gender issues; my femininity and self-acceptance, my realization of the differences and similarities between the genders, my masculine and feminine traits or qualities. What makes them masculine, what makes them feminine? Is it fair to label in that way? For many not only sexuality, but gender is a strong rally ing cry on which to foster strength and pride. Does someone like Kate Bornstein undermine that? Or is she furthering the discussion? These were some of the questions on this faere's mind when I spoke to Kate on the telephone one month prior to her visit.

p h o to : D o n a A n n M c A d a m Kate Bornstein. author of M\ (.1 \ l)l K W O R K BOOK (January 21.1998; S17.c>>. A Routledge I rade Paperback ( iriginal)

You used to be a man: What is your identity?now? I'm working towards no identity.

ant is a third gender. That I find too limiting. I would say that I'm occupying a third space that is outside of. but includes the genders man and woman- third space- a category. Actually the concept of third space goes way before Maij Garber. Maij Garber was just brilliant at apply ing it to gender. It goes back to the Tao. The areas of onesingularity and self-centeredness and two- you arc my everything, either/or concept. Three breaks that- the whole concept of either/or which gives you a third space.

In your writing / know you say you took on the identity of a woman. For a while - I think a yearI went through the medically approved, socially approved gender change from man to woman and I was trying to be a woman for about a year, but that didn’t work any better for me than man did. When did you realize that that wasn ’t workingfor you? I went through my gender change in Philadelphia and figured I would go to San Francisco where there would be more opportunities for theatre and an embracing of gender variance, I thought. And when I got to San Francisco I ran into well, you had to be a gay man or a lesbian and the lesbians I was hanging out with had serious questions about my identity as a woman. And they’ weren't mean most of them they were really really intelligent and asking lots of good questions and I finally came to the conclusion - you know what. I'm not a woman the way you're a woman.

What are some of our greatest misconceptions about gender? Well. I think the biggest misconception is that we have to bo a man or a woman. The second misconception or assumption that people make is that they know what a man is You put twelve people in a room and you liavc at least twelve definitions of w hat a man or a woman is No one seems to really agree what the bottom line is Not when they ’re confronted with some real hard facts For instance, what do you think a man is? What do / think a man is? Yeah, what would make you say okay that’s a man. That's definitely a man.

One term I like that you 've used is Third Space. Can you tell me a little bit about what you mean by that term. It's not my term. It’s a term coined by Maijorie Garber in her book Vested Interests. Some people like to think that what I 21

couple of fanatical scientists and they re telling us what gender is Does that make sense to you

/ would go by genitals. Oh. that s a big one Let me tell you w hat I just found out oka)7 1have a new girlfriend - her name is Barbara Carrcllas Barbara has created a bodv of work over the past five years or so through performance and workshops that she’s been touring around Australia on sexual awakening. She's doing with sex what I've been doing with gender She s really rcallv taking it apart, looking at it. what makes people happy. wliat gives people pleasure, w here does sex start, where docs sex stop, where does the erotic space end. docs it really She and 1have hooked up and it is so much fun We re found out that I've got a G-stop! This little spot inside the vaginal opening on top of the pelv ic ridge, a little spot you push and it goes /ing! and it's so lovely right. What's that doing up inside me9 In my body where you can't reach it It's a girl thing - what's it doing in my body? Another thing Barbara's partner in this workshop developed a (we ll call it what it is) cock reflexology |reflcxology is a type of massage using pressure points on the sole of the foot as a map of the human body] You touch something and it invariably has an effect on something else Barbara found out that the pressure points corresponding in scrotal sex matched up one by one with the labia I've got something called a clitoral root which is a chord just under the skin above the clitoris which when you manipulate it it feels great. What’s that doing inside a man's body? Are the genitals reallv that different or are they- let's put it bluntly- the same jello mix in two different jello molds

Well, what you 're saying is that it ’s much more complicated and there's so much that we haven't looked at- we've been simplify ing it and why do you think that is? I mean why do you think people get so afraid or defensive or fin d such safety in gender. 1think that there are as many reasons to be afraid of that as there are people. There's a different combination of factors depending on vour race, the community you grew up in. the type of family you grew up in. depending on your economic status, your class. There's all kinds of reasons we place on people not to talk about this, not to step outside the boundaries of a real man or a real woman We look at a newborn child and the first thing we do is it's a boy or a girl. That's stunning. Very few peoples' first thing they do is check for five fingers, two hands The first thing we do is look between the legs in this culture, and then vve sec if the child is healthy. It seems like it's about the level o f importance. It's kind of like the last bastion. We've been evolving as a race of creatures for tens of thousands of years - humanity has. Along that line I can't think of any other binary that holds such sway as gender. Can I get weird here. Yeah! I tend to look for clues in the culture. And look at what's going on the past 30 years in this culture - a development of computers, the ultimate binary thinkers. Much better than we are at that - much better. So how could vve have developed those things unless we have a better higher way of thinking. What is keeping us thinking binarily more than anything else is the gender binary. As long as vve hold on to the belief that there are men and there arc women we’re gonna be a race of binary thinkers which will soon be outstripped by the computers that we've developed to do it better than us anyway. It gets mind boggling.

/ like that analogy- a je llo m ix in two different birwls, the same stuff in two different containers - that there are more similarities than we realize. In the early 1700s people didn't really believe there was a difference between the genitals. It was a misognystic world so they believed that women liad deformed penises. Or incompletely developed penises. that's what they thought women had. They knew it was the same tissue. They knew all of that stuff Because they were much more into bodies than we arc now. Isn't that something? Everyone had the same genitals- the womens' were deformed. When in fact the male genitalia is more deformed (laughs) according to the incomplete Y chromosome which really should be an X chromosome Guys bom as guys you know with the xy chromosome kind of don’t really develop properly- which has been proven. And that's kind of funny too. But then is the line between the genders - arc they say ing it's chromosomesxx and xy. Not really. Wliat about xxy. what about yyx, what about xo. what about xox. what about xyx- there are fourteen different kinds of chromosomes out there, are we saying there arc fourteen different genders How many other markers haven't we become aware of yet? There’s no bottom line with gender and it starts to get really fuzzy. I think the problem is that in this day and age and I'll go back 200 yearswc have not wanted to talk about bodies and pleasure, sexthat’s part of the Puritan ethic our country was founded on right? Well, somebody's got to talk about bodies and sex and genitals Someone s got to talk about it. We have designated biologists to be the people to talk about this stuff so they talk about it and we go okay whatever you say because we don't want to talk about it So we've basically turned it all over to a

I think you 're helping to push us in a more intelligent direction. 1see my job as 'hev guys and girls and whatevers’ I found some questions here. That's all the Gender Workbook is about. I think by doing the Workbook what happened to me is that I was able to own who I really was. By doing the Workbook - once I owned who I really was. including the bad parts - what I had never intended on becoming, but becamcthings like arrogant, ditzy. w hatever. I had to own that stuff. And once you own that next you name a dream that you can attain That’s another thing we don't talk about in this country - dreams We have something called vaguely The American Dream to which we’re all supposed to aspire. What's your dream Rico? I fe e l I'm still learning that or discovering what that is. A lot of kids 14 years old knew what their dreams were. Why arc we still learning that? What’s so complicated? You’re developing all kinds of skills and frankly you're already living towards your dream. That's a fact. Why not enjoy it as that. Because you’re told that when you grow a little bit older when you have a little more experience, when you’re a real man you’ll know.

It brings up a lot o f age stuff - oh but I'm still young and I haven 'f really seen too much o f the world ( actually I'v e seen some), but fo r me I think it's an experience thing. Yeah Honey, you've explored so much in your life already than someone four times your age 600 years ago

You mean nith Luther? I know a little bit about it being sometvhat Lutheran. Okay There used to be a great huge difference between the Methodist church and the Firsi Presbyterian church - do you know what the difference is?

Wow.

Why don't you tell me. I have no idea

Did you never have a dream because you didn't have enough experience Honey you are an intelligent, grown, full-blown creature of the universe and you've got everything inside of you right now I feel like your mom (laughs).

Okay (laughs) It's totally evaporated. 1mean really They look at the trinity a little bit differently But it doesn't keep Methodists from being friends with Presbyterians docs it? It used tft Why are men who fuck men not hanging around with men who fuck women who have similar values about the way they look at life Arc we really closing our eyes to some wonderful people out there because they happen to be heterosexual just the way they've been closing their eyes at us because we happen to fuck people of a similar gender I don't sec how we can get away with that anymore You know?

I feel like we can talk like this because of the publications you're writing for I don't talk this way much I'm submitting this to RFD - the Radical Faere magazine. Oh faeres are fab! But I hear some of them arc becoming quite separatist! It's hard- the whole concept of radicalism and separatism and trying to make that work Part of w hat I love about the radical faeres is that argument

I think we're understanding the fluidity o f sexuality a bit more and we're learning a fluidity' o f genderWe rc not learning a fluidity of gender Sexuality has moved from a preference to a fluidity. Well, orientation meaning you're bom with it into the more around preference which implies fluidity. Gender hasn't even moved into the realm of orientation - it's a biological fact. If we can at least shift gender to orientation; well some people arc born - they’re meant to be men - some people arc born - they 're meant to be women That's as far as some people arc going to go with this argument Okay. Eventually that will get into the culture and then it will shift from an orientation to a preference. Oh. some people prefer to be men and some people prefer to be women on alternate Tuesday s. Or, whenever they go to the opera they like to be women, when they go to a bar they like to be men. blah, blah, blah That won't happen for a while, but some of us are already living there- that ’s the difference. You get into the culture, until it follows that route, which means lesbians and gays move out of that spot so that transgenders move into it in the culture’s eyes. Someone's always got to be in that spot.

Well, you talked a little bit in your book about separatism being a phase or process. Yeah, if that 's w hat your saying is happening w ith the faeres I could buy that. I knoH>that some o f the faeres separating in California revolves a lot around Jungian psychology. There are dark faeres and light faeres and some want to get into shadow hunting and more dark stuff and aren't feelin g supportedThat's a binary That 's a real good binary. Dark, light. Queer and straight Chaos and order It has nothing to do with who you fuck - what are we trying to maintain as the definer of queer? Queer is chaos. I'm sorry I'm rambling- go ahead. Well, that was one thing I wanted to ask you about. Because there 's this study or movement right now in gay psychology about the archetypes being different fo r gay men and going against the Robert Rly mens movement where straight men and gay men should get together - that it's the sameThey should! Gav men and heterosexual men should get together. Gay men and straight men is not a dichotomy. Cause there are more straight homosexual men out there that I would like to count. They 're straight. Gay men should hang out with straight men. But heterosexual queers' should hang out with homosexual queers' and lesbian queers', well homo-whatever the word is. People who fuck- it doesn't matter who you fuck, it has a lot to do with what are your values.

In that spot o f like orientation you mean ofThosc poor pathetic creatures - they were bom that way. (laughs) At least we've moved gay and lesbians up to that in the culture rather than bum the witch. Okay. People aren't burning it anymore Okay. Yeah. The ultimate aim is going to be to dismantle the gender binary - it’ll happen. Not in this lifetime - but it'll happen It's got to This world isn't based on a binary. What's below the gender binary I think wc touched on it tonight and I’m really getting to realize it’s probably this chaos order thing which has been around a lot longer than gender

That's a good way to put it. Don't you think9 I think we re getting into a world these days where that's going to be more a determining factor than who you fuck. I really think so. Do you remember the Protestant revolution?

Part o f the Dionysus/Apollo sort o f differenceYes. exactly Dionysus/Apollo and I’ve always been a big fan of Dionysus honey Tear me apart you virgins and what is it the Maenads - that tear Dionysus apart9

I love Shakespeare. I love Tennessee Williams. 1can perform Lear night after night it's so rich and so complex. 1keep finding things out. There are few playwrights who do that to me. There are not many who keep me challenged as a performer. So as a performer what I’m interested in is developing a performance type piece- my grounding is theatre, my training is theatre - I'm a classical actor. I was trained in method - Stanislavski. That's what I bring to my performance art. Not like Laurie Anderson who brings her music in, her visual art. Not like Holly Hughes who brings her literary talent into performance. Not like Annie Sprinkle who brings her porn into performance. Barbara and I both

Yeah, the Furies. Okay. L e t’s see. . We talked about your new Workbook a little bitThcse arc areas that the Workbook gets into Rico- that s what 1wrote the Workbook for They didn't want me to write the Tao according to Kate. But I couldn't write anything else other than a book that would lead to some kind of spiritual brain fry. And that’s what it's about - it's not only about gender It’s for people who want to go even further than where they've gone before. That's what 1try to do in my performances. Try to break the fourth wall wherever I can or use it to a point of absurdity . For example - mostly that's what Barbara and 1are going to do with our new show - using it to the point of absurdity . The audience. So you want to watch us - you voyeurs! (laughs)

come from a very classical theater training. We've done the Tennessee Williams - we've done it. We re bringing that into performance, we're going to make theatre perform.

Absurdity is a fu n place to be in the theatre! I want to make the convention absurd I want to use the convention to a point where people go what's going on here. Wait a minute - why am I sitting here. There arc live people up here on the stage in front of me What am 1a spectator That 's all Tin supposed to do7 1want people fidgeting. And then we ll address it

That’s my training - my background as well. That's your background - isn't that amazing. We can create a whole new art form baby! We can do some serious evolution of theatre here. Yep. Performance is kinda winding down. Why? 1dunno no. It kind of dead-ended. It 's up to the theatre artists to make their theatre perform and not do the same old shit Don't you think?

( treat. Is there something you 're putting together now? Yeah - it 's called Too Tall Blondes. Barbara Carrcllas is joining me in Chicago - we re going to be premiering a new piece! As part of Cut n' Paste we re going to be doing a segment that will probably evolve into Too Tall Blondes. It's called Cut n' Paste because I'm constantly changing.

/ do. I'm excited about what my boyfriend and l are planning on doing. We’re planning a festival - a Spirit Fest 24

- performance pieces around different spiritualities. H e're asking people to explore those kind o f questions especially non- with the M illennium and everything. Fucking brilliant! Put me on your mailing list. D efinitely! I'm gonna ask one last question. One big theme in Gender Outlaw- I liked is you mention how we accept M cDonald's instead o f real food, and examples o f how we take these short cuts because they 're safe partly I think because we all want to be liked so we create labels as safety nets and then we lim it ourselves. It's good to show young people that you can question these huge definitions/categories - it shows how- many categories there are- race, age, gender and how you may be lim iting yourself in ways you don't have to. What do you want somebody- somebody who hasn't studied gender - what do you want them most to come away with- I t ’s a lecture right?- your latest show- Cut ‘n Paste. Is it audience participatory ? It’s a performance piece I never ask the audience to participate. I seduce them to, but I don't ask them to. You know what I'm saying? I don't want people to go ohmigod audience participation with a transsexual 1ain't going to that! Nah, that ain’t it - I’m cute! You ask me - okay what's my identity - Cute. I am the Spice Girls. Ha! Hal 1got a whole new thing going on - I’m telling you. Watch out! I want students to come out of there knowing there's so much more to explore than what some college administration has deemed it okay for them to look at. That there’s stuff beyond college - the learning doesn’t stop there. And I don’t want them to just hear that as some kind of pronouncement from

fffusical Rotes b y Jerin This is a space for Queer-identified music. Whether you are self-published or signed to a label, we are looking for you. We give preference to folks not signed but. h ^ , we re open . . . . What I will need from you as an artist is a tape or CD. You need to be able to provide copies for sale if I am to review them. You don’t need many. They can be veiy basic in their presentation, both musically and in the packaging. We won’t be handling the sales for you, at least not at this time. So some w ^ that people can reach you will be necessary. W e re ready to listen to your music, so send it to RFD/music/|erin or contact me through e-mail: jerin@dekalb.net.

some freak s lips- me I want them to get the experience of something they ’ve not experienced before Questions about gender If I can raise questions about gender, something that's never been questioned before in the culture What's a man - what's a woman. What docs that say then’’ Whatever your hearts desire to explore, you probably could *******

I met Kate and Barbara at the Art Institute where I interviewed them for the School's Video Data Bank Barbara talked about getting inv olved in sexual healing through her work with Annie Sprinkle and Kate talked about wanting to move on from Gender theory It was nice to sec them discovering each other and refocusing their art because of their union. 1am in the same boat these days learning about modem dance from my boyfriend while he learns a little more about performance art. Together we re creating a company 1 was glad to meet Kate. My lover became uneasy at her attacks on gender rigidity. What about those differences that are important and unique and should be honored he stated to me later. I read that a generational difference between older and younger gay men is the belief in a sexual-orientation fluidity . And now we're faced with a gender fluidity Is this the way of the future as told to us in so many science fiction books and mov ies? These are the thoughts 1will wonder as I lie down at my next gathering and stare into the starry sky. Why are we here? Who am I? And w ho or what sets the definitions on us in this rotating world of ice. heat, dust and skin shedding.

fetrlQue Is a faere who lives and plays in Chicago.

The new CD by Pistol Pete and Popgun Paul, Fine Red Wine is now available for $14 postpaid from them at PO Box 50805, New Orleans. LA 70150-0805. For all you fans of P & P this is a good example of their intimate recording and performance style. You feel as though you are right there with them. "Five Chinese Brothers” is one of the 14 songs that I particularly liked-spoken. witty and fun. If you have enjoyed these guys in concert,you’ll want to add this toyour collection. It is well-produced and the art work and presentation are solid. In the past two years the prestigious modern classical and non-profit music label. CRI has come out with two volumes of the music of gay male composers and one of lesbians. It is definitely not the “Beethoven for Lovers" schlock some labels tiy to market to us. And in the next few columns we ll tell you more about these ground breaking recordings.

WO R MS by James Riseborough

drawing by D.N. Dennis The cop says. “Anyways, keep It down, fellas. We don’t want that old lady getting upset again. She's liable to come after you with a load o f buckshot.” Wes laughs Just enough and says. “ No problem. You have a good night, now." The two cops take their cue, as If anxious to be done with us. and head back to their car. Poker watches their retreating backs, his head bobbing like he’s In a silent argument with himself, bends over, searches the ground, grabs at two huge slimy worms, all the time m uttering to himself.

Poker stands up and wipes his hands on his khaki pants. It leaves dark crud-streaks like the skid-marks Wes’ farting leaves on his underwear. M ar|orie Is always complaining about that, also about his leaving his ripe |ockey shorts on the flo or when he undresses. “Haveyou got a blowgun upyour ass!" she’ll say. exasperated, and then she'll heave them in the laundry shoot and let the lid slam shut like a hatch on a submarine.

"What'er you m uttering about?" Wes asks, hitching up his pants.

"Shoulda told that snot-nosed cop to mind his own goddamn business." Poker says. Wes looks at me and starts to laugh. He’s still bent over so It’s a big strain and he farts again.

“ Jesus, ya can't do nothin’ that there ain't someone wants to stick their two cents In. That o l' bitch probably sits up all night th ln kln ’ of bullshit to piss around about."

"Jesus, ya can't take on the Law. Poker. You of all people should know that by now. Besides, he was Just doing his Job." Poker looks at me and smiles his Jack-o’-lantern smile and crosses his arms and says, "What d'ya think. Tug. What d’y a

“Old people get nervous. M ar|orle’s mother s like that." Wes says, his voice strained as he bends over again. “They get afraid a lot. Especially If they live alone."

think about what your ole man fust said. Hunh?" When I look at Poker he shifts his weight onto his left leg and flaps his arms a little , which are bent at the elbows, as if impersonating a chicken. His consternation touches me and I think to myself. "Poker s more like the guys at school." Wes would expect me to agree with him because that's the way he raised me. or more precisely, that's the way he sees me. When he was my age. however. Wes was kind of a bad ass. according to his big sister Aunt Clovis. Teenage girls used to cross the street when they saw him and his best buddy Kink Kendal coming. At my age he wouldn't'have hesitated to tell those cops to fuck off. It occurs to me that, secretly, maybe he'd like me to agree with Poker, show some balls, beat my chest a little . I figure this to be a no-win situation, and that accounts for my bullshit answer.

have risen up In him like a meaty fist, and I was In awe. I v.ould tell my mother was really proud because she'd been uncharacteristically oulet while he told his story, nudging her pork chop around on her plate with her fork as she watched him as if recalling the moment she decided to marry him. I'm appalled at the prospect of blowing Canada Geese out of the sky. I'm not a fanatic about It—I don't mind eating one of Wes' victims If It's sittin g all crispy and rich-sm elling on a platter in front of me. But here's the clincher: a few weeks ago. the center on our school's football team, Scott Carpenter, who has a |aw lin e yo u could plane lumber on. lips like the succulent meat of a ripe plum, winked at me In chemistry and then SQueezed my biceps when he passed beside my desk. I couldn’t think for a few seconds, and I felt a feathery swirl of pleasure In the pit of my stomach that expanded concentrically like radio waves Into a hot swarming of blood right down to my toes. He likes the fact I’ve skipped twice and was impressed when I beat out several guys much bigger than I am for the breaststroke leg of the relay on our school's swim team. I

I say. "Never really thought about It." as I bend down, scan the area In front of me. Wes stands up. the fingers splayed out on his free hand, peers at Poker for a second and then yawns as he says, to no one in particular, "ludas Priest, look at those stars!" I stop what I'm doing and gaze up at the sly and then at Wes who's standing there digging in his ear with match stick, his eyes bright as two clear marbles in the m oonlight. I think about how he surprises me every now and then, like right now getting so pensive all o f a sudden, as If he's trying to see past those stars, look straight into the face o f God.

could imagine him deep kissing me and my spine going all lim p and floppy as a basset hound's ear. Scott Is all I think about these days. Wes Is really going to love this, and it’s getting harder and harder not to panic. So I’m drawing away from everybody, making a mystery of myself, claim a teenager s right to moods and secret negotiations. I lock my bedroom door when I read. “ The City And The Pillar." "Other Voices, Other Rooms.” "Maurice." The very hot "The Front Runner." Wes still gets to make the rules, he sometimes Informs me. as long as I'm living under his roof. He has all the power because he has the money. There's love o f course, but it's so spooky, like sex. and we both avoid those two topics like they're Infected areas.

A t about 11:15 Wes decides that probably we have more bait than we need and yanks up his trousers. I head for the hose outside the proshop to wash my hands to get the slime off. Wes and Poker are rambling toward me and I can tell they're arguing again. This time It's about who's paying for the cabin we've rented at Campbell River. Wes won't let anyone-friends or strangers—pay for things for him; even simple things like the morning paper or a cup of coffee. He seems to think It's a Question o f honor, but It comes across, sometimes, as socially backward, like he's a hick. It’s kind o f sweet In a way, but also humiliating, so I stay away from that one. I look at Wes like a stranger would: I see a man with a pot belly, a big nose like a shark’s fin in the m iddle of a decent face, holding a flashlight as If It were his dick. I think about the fact that there is so much about him that I don’t understand. You see. Wes and Poker are compatible at a basic functional level, the way a baseball bat and ball are. W ith Wes and me It's more complicated. We're sort of afraid o f each other because we re so different. Take baseball fo r Instance. I ’m lousy at It. I don't even like to watch It. Wes was a hotshot shortstop for the Harwood Optim ists. When he’d come to my little league games and watch me strike out for the fifteenth time, he w ouldn't say anything In the car going home, stone-faced and sneaking side looks at me as I ’d stare out the windshield while country music walled away on the radio. I could tell It was a mysteiy to him how ary son o f his could be so Inept, like some kind of disability that's not only shameful but down right annexing. I Quit hockey at thirteen when I realized I wasn’t big or tough enough to deal with the embryo goons. Last autumn Wes took on a guy 20 years younger outside the Army-Navy store-som e oily |erk who was man-handling a woman on the street. He grabbed this fool by the lapels and shoved him up against a brick wall. "T hinkyou're a tough guy, pushing women around you little punk," Wes snarled at the hood, nose to nose. He was almost shaking when he told us at the dinner table that night—his cheek Quivered and he was looking down at the plate In front o f h im -b u ty o u could s till sense the power that must

So you see, w ere an accident waiting to happen, my father and I. We could probably sell tickets. I'm open to suggestions, but to tell you the truth. I'm not veiy hopeful. I've decided that under the right circumstances I could be fairly ruthless. Dad wants to pay two-thirds o f the cost of the cabin since there are two o f us and only one o f Poker. “ Like H ell!" Poker says. “ Like Hell, nothin',” Wes says. “ I'm payin’ half. see. or I ain't g o ln ." "Why the hell should you pay half? There’s two of us." "Tug's cornin' for free. see. It’syou and me that pays." Wes must be getting tired because he gives up too easl|y. flicks his cigarette Into the wet grass and says. ‘ A ll right, but I’m payin' for the gas." “Why the hell sh o u ldyo u l T h ln kyo u 're such a big shot?" I'm dreading this weekend. As I head for the car I block out Wes’ reply, and I think forward to the disturbing spectacle o f the three o f us sleeping In the same room for two nights, eating all our meals together, spending the days together In a boat the size o f a single bed. Then I wonder what the penalty would be for a IS year old. who. when driven to the breaking point, sets two grown men a d rift In the middle o f the Strait of Georgia. f t *

SQUIRREL BAIT "Come on back and sit with me.” Ben leaned across the pine pew where I sat with my family. I remembered his name from my Introduction to the “Young A dults" Sunday School Class. W ith a devilish grin and perfect blonde good looks, he excited me In ways I couldn’t understand. "Go ahead." Dad said. He wanted me to rub shoulders with the teens In our new church His tone Implied there was no room for excuses not to go. On our way to the back pew where the teens gathered for the church service. Ben grinned and greeted his way down the center aisle. Apparently the entire congregation adored him. I felt like a mud duck trailin g a swan. We slid Into the back pew. He s q u e e z e d my forearm and said. "Good to have you with us. Carl." Like most country boys, his hands were battered and stained and strong as a vise grip. Cool teens with names like Carolyn Sue and Leroy |oe glanced my way and nodded. "Been squirrel hunting lately?" "Some." I said I spent a lot o f time In the woods and could spin tall tales about flora and fauna, but today my tongue felt like It was tied In a knot. "Seems to be a lot o f grays thlsyear. I shot three last week, but didn't see a single red.” Brother Phelps, our preacher, called for the secretary's report. An elderly lady with a cow patty hat and a butt broad as a barn rose from her pew and read to us from a battered notebook about last week's Sunday school offerings. Ben sniggered. “ That's Sister Euthasla. Yesterday the old heifer gave me fifty cents for mowing her lawn. Took me nearly two hours." Ben's curly hair, close cropped around the ears and longer on top. was streaked with dashing flecks o f red and gold. Sometimes in the hayfield guys poured lemonade over their heads to sun bleach their hair. I wondered If Ben did that. His face was deeply tanned and his fine chin was chiseled and dimpled. I hoped the ugly zlt that sprouted on my nose during the night wasn't too conspicuous. "Got a girlfriend?" I shook my head. Sister Euthasla finished her report and Brother Phelps called on the song leader for the first hymn.

Hart

A ll week I daydreamed about calling Ben and hunting with him. or going fishing, maybe even skinny dipping. But I didn't call, and when my family arrived at church the follow ing Sunday I sat with my sister, who at ten longed to be a teen. She slid away from me. surly at my backward ways. Ben arrived late. He saw me watching him and signaled me to come back. Sister Euthasla was reading her report and shot me a disapproving look when I passed her. She wore a ruffled green dress and looked like a mean avocado. I blushed and felt like my fly was open and everyone was watching me parade down the aisle. "HI, Big Carl." Ben whispered. He spread his legs wide and threw a sculpted arm across the back of our pew. "You should have seen the bass I caught yesterday!” Lorna Kate, who I figured out was Ben's older sister, turned around and held up her hands to Illustrate her version o f the fish, then reached back and pretended to slap Ben. He watched her squirm while he squeezed her fingers backward. “D on't just sit there like a lump! Help me!" Lorna Kate hissed while she wrestled with Ben. I was horrified that their commotion would get us Into trouble. Brother Phelp s head was bowed while he listened to Sister Euthasla harp about an Impending gas b ill. He seemed to be In prayer, maybe for the gas b ill or disrespectful adolescents of hls congregation or the big crack In the side of the concrete block walls of the church. Any minute I expected my father to turn around and give me the look that meant woe for me later. Nothing happened. Sister Euthasla concluded her report and Ben released Lorna Kate's fingers. Lorna Kate turned around and rearranged her long, freshly Ironed hair. She whispered something conspiratorial to a g irl with buck teeth and big boobs. “ Got to keep these gals in line." Ben chuckled and settled back beside me. I noticed a chipped tooth, and speculated he got it In a fight. He seemed like a tough guy, but in a way I really liked. Today he wore navy double knit slacks and a white shirt with the top three buttons unfastened. He pulled a damp stick o f Juic^ Fruit from hls pocket, tore It in half and gave me the larger piece.

"That's OK. you can have one of mine. I usually keep four or five running around." He poked me with his knee and opened a song book so we could share.

The song leader announced the first hymn. “Tune tim e." Ben said. He snapped open a song book. His gravely tenor took liberties with the hymn and overpowered my Donald Duck changeling voice. Sometimes he held a note and sent it bouncing o ff the rain stained celling.

Ben and his peers spent most of the hour long sermon swapping gum. notes and exaggerated glances. Afterwards. Ben punched my shoulder and said. “Seeya. Maybe we can go squirrel hunting one of these days." 1 watched the taught backside of his tan colored |eans bound through the wide open double doors and wondered If he meant It.

The follow ing Sunday Ben was absent. I wasn't brave enough to join the teens on my own. even though Lorna Sue waved and my sister prodded. Ben winked at me during the next service, but I didn't Join him since he arrived so late that Brother Phelps had already started the sermon. Brother Phelps concluded with a special prayer to see Ben through basic

The dog was busy licking his private parts. "The little hellions tromped ail over my tater patch."

Ben tied one end of the rope to a nearby sapling and the other end around his ankle He slithered Into the dark hole I gritted my teeth and crept after him.

"You boys watch out for snakes.” Myra scolded “Yes. Ma'am. W e ll smite every serpent we see." Ben raised an imaginary bludgeon.

Once I was inside the walls expanded. I pulled myself to a crawling position and tried to keep close to Ben's heels and w ildly pulsing flashlight. The floor was sticky and cobwebs and creepy crawly things stuck to my face Through my front teeth I whistled "I'll Fly Away" and prayed snakes would hear me and keep their distance.

“Come here and give me a smooch, smarty pants." she said. Ben removed his glasses and leaned over. She grabbed a knuckle full o f his beard and kissed him. “You're a good boy. Too pretty to hide behind those whiskers. Let me get my scissors."

“ Hey. look at th is l” Ben called.

"The gals haven't complained so far." Ben said and rubbed a bristly cheek against Myra’s wrinkled one.

We peered into a shallow pool. Dozens of delicate white crayfish fluttered like fairy nymphs In water as clear as a crystal ball.

Myra pushed him away. "Somehow I ain't surprised."

I was enthralled. "They look like an alien life form."

We grabbed our stuff and walked down the road to the low' w'ater bridge, where we climbed through a pitiful excuse for a barbed wire fence. The cold spring water rippled across mossy rocks and made the surrounding air cool and fresh. I splashed behind Ben. who meticulously picked his way from rock to rock In perfectly diy boots. His combat grunge and long hair made me feel juvenile and sQuare in my denim cut offs and Nike running shoes. He walked like a man being tracked by bloodhounds. I slid on an algae slimed rock and my butt made a loud splat In the shallow water. Ben spun around, knife in hand. For several heartbeats neither of us moved. He sheathed the knife and hauled me to my feet.

“ They look like shrimp." Ben said. eat?" He tried to catch one.

We continued hiking up the creek. When my heart stopped pounding I asked. "That was heavy back there. You OK?"

“Don't worry. I'll be back."

"Peachy keen." Ben said.

"I wonder if they're good to

“Maybe they're an endangered species or something." Ben snorted and shined the flashlight around the cave. The passage forked at the pool, one side penetrating deeper into the hill and one side dwindling to a fissure where the pool disappeared. He slipped the rope from his ankle and headed up the wider passage. “ I don't think that's a good idea." I said.

Ben and the flashlight grew smaller, then disappeared. The absolute, total darkness paralyzed me. I felt as if I had been swallowed.

"How aboutyou?”

"You scared the shit out of me!" With all the strength In my seventeen year old lungs I bellowed for Ben. I did n ’t ease up until his light shined in my face.

“Why. Big Carl. I didn't know you talked like that."

“What's wrong? Did you see a snake?" He moved the beam of the flashlight around the floor.

"Only in extreme emergencies." Ben laughed. “Maybe there's hope for you. yet."

"I can't see a damned thing. Get me out o f here." I was almost ciying.

The stony bank to our left became a low limestone b lu ff overhung with cedars. We passed a piece o f driftwood swarming with dragonflies. Their wings sparkled like emeralds in the dappled sunlight.

“OK. Sure." He eased around me.

"Hang on. You'll be OK."

Outside the daylight seemed unnaturally bright. I pranced around and took deep breathes.

I was disappointed when Ben pointed out the cave. It looked like a groundhog hole sandwiched between two slabs of rock. A dank, bowels of the earth odor wafted from the mouth. We SQuatted and studied the bottle neck entrance.

"Take it easy. Carl. We re OK I wiped at my eyes and tried to settle down. think I'm a sissy."

"One night I came here with a bunch of guys," Ben said. "We'd been drinking, feeling no pain, you know? On a dare I crawled Inside. They were a bunch of chicken shits and kept hollering at me to come out. so I didn't get very far. I always meant to come back and have a better look." He pulled out a flashlight and a coil o f nylon rope from his backpack. "You want to lead?"

"You probably

He scrubbed mud from his hands and arms In the stream. "You went Inside. I know a couple of real macho men who wouldn't do that." He positioned his glasses on his nose "I d say you have brass for balls." “Thanks. Ben. And thanks for bringing me here. It means a lot to me."

"Uh. maybe you better go first."

training and to give him courage In Viet Nam. I didn't know Ben had enlisted In the Marines. Dumbstruck. I worked my way through the congregation to the doors |ust In time to see Ben clim bing Into a rum bling red Chevelie with a couple o f roughlooking guys I didn't recognize. T ipping pony beers, they sped away with the tape deck blasting "Yellow River." Behind worry. fingers muscle

Out o f nowhere Ben called me on a sunny August morning and invited me to explore a cave with him. I was between hay hauling jobs and bored, so immediately agreed. Mom raised her eye brows but didn't say anything while she packed a lunch for me. My sister said she couldn't decide who was the biggest turkey. Ben or me. I wondered what I would have In common with an ex combat soldier and drug addict, but pretended to be cool when Ben rolled in to our driveway on his Harley.

me Sister Euthasla SQ.ueez.ed my shoulder. "Don't U nde Sam w ill make a good man of him." Her plump massaged my forearm. "Young man. you've got some there. H ow'dyou like to work for me?"

Ben looked like a poster boy for Hell's Angels. He wore a fringed leather vest with no shirt, faded camouflage pants and scuffed army boots. His no longer gold hair was tied in a pony tall that billowed beneath a Nazi style helmet. I couldn't see his eyes behind their dark glasses, but recognized the foxy smile beneath his beard. "Hey. Big Carl!" he said. “ Ready to rumble?"

I was a fair student and wanted to go to college. My parents couldn't afford to send me. and my grades weren't stellar, so In my spare time I worked and saved my money. When I wasn't hauling hay I tolled for Sister Euthasla, mowing grass, pulling weeds and painting or nailing down loose boards on her rambling house She wanted me to be a minister and even raised my pay to $1.00 an hour to fund her cause. Religion made me feel good, so I joined some o f the other teens In a special Sunday evening youth group.

He handed me a bucket shaped helmet and scooted skinny hips forward so I could straddle the narrow seat. He eased the bike up the road In granny gear. It was embarrassing, even for me. When we reached the top o f the hill above my house, he gunned the engine and we started to fly. We banked onto the highway w ithout slowing. I worked my fingers into his belt loops and held on for dear life. Bugs and cars and sceneiy blurred like I was Inside a blender set on puree.

Lorna Sue said Ben excelled at Basic and was selected for training in an elite commando unit. Home on leave at Christmas before being shipped to Nam, Ben made an appearance at church In his dress uniform. He was so handsome that I dreamed about him for weeks after he left. Lorna Sue said he didn't write much, probably because everything he did was secret. D uring my |unloryear she met a sailor and promptly married him. They moved to N orfolk and I didn't hear much about Ben. I wrote to him a few times but never received a reply.

Ben slowed to a sensible speed when we headed down a dirt road. I started to enjoy the open air and the hills and woods and fields. We splashed across a low water bridge and turned into the parched yard of a toy farmhouse. Ben killed the bike and waved at an elderly couple sitting on the front porch in rusty lawn chairs.

In May Pastor Phelps announced that Ben had been shipped to a hospital in San Diego. C ritically wounded, he needed our prayers and cards and letters. Since Ben never answered any of my letters. I assumed he didn’t want to hear from me. My sister bought a card and bullied me Into signing it. Under my name I wrote. "The SQUlrrels are waiting."

“ Howdy. Tatel Howdy, Myra! H ow 'reyou all today?” “Any better and y o u ’d have to shoot us," Tate said. A bony hound sprawled at his feet, long tongue panting and d ribbling saliva on the floorboards. “Quiet there, Sir!" The dog gave us another doubtful woof and observed us mournfully.

Ben remained in California after his discharge. Sister Euthasla confided that she knew for a fact that he was mixed up with a bunch of California hippie dope addicts. She told me to study my bible and keep myself pure, and not to waste my life like Ben.

Ben vigorously scratched Its ears. "Careful, now." Tate said. “Sir might chaw a hunk o ffy o u . He ain't seen you in awhile." Tate thumbed a strap o f his overalls and spit a great wad o f tobacco from his mouth.

D uring Easter vacation of my senior year my sister said that Ben came home. He had long, frizzled hair and a beard, she said, and acted weird, like he was on a bad trip. She rolled hip eyes heavy with chartreuse Mabellne. Ben didn't attend church. Stories circulated about wild parties and hippies at the shack he rented from the postmaster. Lorna Sue. home with her baby and separated from her philandering sailor husband, cooked meals for Ben and did his laundry. She often reQuested the congregation to assist her with an unspoken prayer. No one knew if the prayer was for her or for Ben.

"Who's this fine looking stranger?" Myra asked. She peered at me through glasses patched with duct tape. "Looks like a Morehouse. Any kin?” Ben said, “This is my friend Carl B utler." I shook hands with Tate and Myra. They resumed shelling lima beans. “You're the spitting image of Ribcage Morehouse, back thirty years ago," Myra said. “ Except you ain't deaf and dumb andyour nose ain't broke. You can talk, can'tyou?"

I graduated with honors and received a small scholarship to a local branch o f the state university. On the enrollment forms I listed "Psychology." as my intended ma|or. People at church expected I'd eventually be a minister. I didn't discourage their grand aspirations, but I lacked fire In my belly. I wrote for information about |olnlng the Peace Corps and even fantasized about the French Foreign Legion. The Viet Nam war ended so I didn't have to worry about the draft.

I promised her to ask my folks about possible relations. "We came to look at the cave, If that's OK," Ben said. "Sure, sure." Tate said. “Some kids were here the other day, looking around. Sir tried to eat them alive. D id n 'ty o u Sir?"

'H ow s that?"

th rille d rre. but his weight made it hard for me to breathe. started to worry that someone might see us.

I explained how I used to fantasize about trom plng around the woods with him.

I tried to wiggle away

"What a bummer. Makes me feel bad." he said. “We used to call you Soulrrel Bait. Lorna still swears you re Queer.”

"Ben7"

He didn't answer. "Let me up, Ben." I was getting mad and tried to poke him with my elbow.

'You should hear what my sister says about you." We laughed, then fell Into a weird silence. Ben said. "So spill your guts. Carl. Are you a faiiy?"

He groaned, but didn't move.

"Areyou?"

I pushed as hard as I could with my arms and legs and rolled him like a sack of potatoes.

"Get me drunk enough or high enough and I'll try anything. Once, anyway." He leered at me and picked up his knapsack. “I'm hungry. Let's eat."

He looked pathetic. "You're stoned."

We settled on a sandbar not far from the cave. My peanut butter sandwich kept sticking In my throat. I watched Ben section an apple with his sinister knife and wondered if It was the same one that killed gooks in Nam. He wiped the blade on his pants.

“W ereyou making a pass just now7 I need to know."

I guzzled a can o f Pepsi and tried to sound cool. know any?"

“N o tye t, but I'm working on It."

"Grow up. Carl." He sprang to his feet and stepped around a tree. “I need to piss. You can watch If you want." I stomped o ff and found my own tree, then gathered up our lunch mess while he smoked another Joint. He offered some to me. but I refused. He clowned and kidded while we hiked down the creek and finally succeeded in making me laugh when he wore his vest like a tutu and pretended to be a ballerina.

"Doyou

“Any what?" "You know. Queers." Ben gnawed at a Snickers bar for awhile.

Tate appeared on his porch and Invited us to supper, but we declined. He waved and we rocketed down the road spewing a plume o f dust and gravel. I locked my hands around Ben's sweaty waist and whooped. The speed and power thrilled me. The roar o f the bike and the wind were like white noise to my soul. In a heartbeat epiphany I glimpsed the reason why some guys liked to spit In the face o f God. Ben and I were astride a shooting star, ascendant and immortal.

"Yeah, I know a few."

“Who? D o I know them?" “ Hey, man. I'm probably not the best person to talk to about this. I've been around some,you know? That’s all." "I don't really think I am. or anything."

Returning to earth was d ifficu lt and I was reluctant to dismount when we arrived at my house. Ben shut o ff the engine and we slid o ff the bike seat in a single motion, s tiff legged and giddy.

"Peace." Ben made a sign with his fingers. “Find somebody to love. And when you can’t find some ass. find some grass." He rolled a Joint and lit It.

His hug surprised and embarrassed me. My mom and sister were probably watching and I didn't want to have to answer their Questions, so I Q u ickly broke away. His arms tightened for a moment and I heard him growl, “ I love you. man."

I hesitated when he offered It to me. then took a tentative puff and choked on the bitter smoke. A fter my coughing fit I Imagined I felt a little buzz. I returned the Joint to Ben and watched him smoke from my perch among the clouds.

Sister Euthasla called Mom the next morning to announce that Ben had killed himself. Lorna Sue found him naked and freshly showered In bed with his soulrrel gun. Neighbors speculated that Ben's hippie cohorts murdered him over a drug deal gone sour or some kinky sex scene, but the coroner ruled suicide I didn't attend the funeral.

“ More?" he asked. His voice sounded funny. I took another little puff, then rolled onto my belly to watch the creek. Someday this tiny trickle would work Its way to the ocean and become the ebb and flow o f a pounding surf. Whales and sharks might swim In it. ships might sail on it, typhoons might suck It up and spew it across far flung continents, maybe even returning It to this very spot.

From time to time In a w istful C alifornia kind of dream I will find Ben watching me. as Inscrutable and as evocative as James Dean. Afterward, my heart feels heavy for weeks, like all the sins and transgressions of the world have been bundled up and stuffed Inside me.

Gravel crunched and Ben sprawled on top of me. We lay spread eagle in the sun. his bare belly to my back, our fingers and legs Intertwined, like a biplane g ild in g uncharted skies. Ben's beard and smoky breath tickled my neck. Having him so close

TH E

R E E F

by George Ilsley The two swim together, away from the dock, playing in the water. They are overcome by the incredibly beautiful setting and the Innocent playfulness o f their companionship. The colors are Intense, surreal and perfect - the vibrant m u ltihued coral, big blue sky. a scarlet red swimsuit against tanned flesh. Taking turns, they dive beneath the surface to watch the other swimming silhouetted against the light. Long clean limbs move with strong grace through the w'ater. legs kicking, hips working. A rm pits flash white, like signal flags, framing deep chests.

The blond lifeguard walks to the end o f the large dcxk, surveying his domain. He Is very blond, ash blond, eyebrows white streaks across a golden forehead His short hair catches the sun and adds a shimmer of white light, like a halo, around his head. The ocean surrounding the dock glows with a deep azure light the water so clear It looks much shallower than It really Is. Out past the calm protected inside water is a vast natural breakwater, a barrier, protector and provider, a source of life and a tourist attraction - the magnificent coral reef.

They are now far away from the dock. The water is ciystal clear but no one is close enough to see them.

Swinging his arms to relax his shoulders, the lifeguard wishes he could go for a swim. He loves to swim, he swims several times dally, before his shift, after and during breaks. Sometimes on hot evenings, unable to sleep, he comes down to the beach and swims naked through the silky warm water, his lean muscular body moving with the rhythm the cxean accepts, knowingly, giving a gentle sigh as ripples from his entry wash up on a sandy shore.

It is shallow here and they both stand on the sandy bottom. The dark boy is suddenly naked. The lifeguard notices the boys genitals, swaying gently in the current, trying to surface. He reaches out to touch them. Furry nuts feel so soft and delicate, like something belonging to a creature far more vulnerable than the robust young man who smiles at him, teeth gleaming. The dark boy dives down and kisses the lifeguards penis. His mouth is hot. warmer than the ocean.

The lifeguard watches a boisterous, dark haired young man wearing a scarlet swimsuit cavort on the dock. The dark young man Is clowning around, practicing handstands near the edge, almost falling In. The lifeguard laughs, and the dark young man glances over. He starts teasing the lifeguard. "Dareya to push me in." Theyoung man s huge and playful.

The two young men press against each other, and they kiss, and neck, and grope, and with growing urgency, tensing and relaxing, flexing, shuddering . Jerky jagged moaning breathing - they finally release.

smile is

W hite creamy undulating tendrils like ghost kelp drift in the ocean currents. The two young men swim back to the dock, full of excitement and tired satisfaction, wanting to play more together and knowing the future is. . . .

“D on't do that sort of th in g .” "M ight like It."

At the dock - a commotion. A yo u n g child, a boy. has been found stranded out on the reef and rescued by someone passing by. Theyoung boy is bleeding from his mouth where he had cut his lip on a sharp piece o f coral.

Theyoung man runs circles near the end of the dock. He suddenly stops and teeters at the edge, whooping loudly, waving his arms In frantic circles as if about to lose his balance. His body and the lifeguard's are similar both naturally athletic, both graced with muscles which spring from activity and are worn without vanity.

The lifeguard's sense o f euphoria collapses. He suddenly remembers he was supposed to be working. This Is my fault, he thinks, because I was not doing my job.

Watched from behind, theyoung man's broad shoulders are swollen with rippled mounds; his back a sea of convex curves which race down to his crimson speedos. Past the red Rounded buttocks, the legs are solid and tanned. S hifting his weight to one side, he looks over his shoulder and catches the lifeguard's eye. "Dareya." he says, then turns away Quickly, attracted by the noisy antics of an exuberant group of teenagers frolicking in the water. The teenagers are Jumping on each other and wrestling, hooting loudly.

The child Is taken away by his parents, whose anxiety and relief spills out in a flood of tears. The lifeguard is left alone with the darkyoung man. "At least he's a lrig h t,” the lifeguard says, mostly to comfort himself. "Yup." grunts the darkyoung man. doing twisting sit ups on the dock, working on his obliQues. "Lucky someone found him. People don't alwjtys go to that part o f the reef."

D ropping his flutter board the lifeguard takes three strong fast strides, reaches towards the dark boy and shoves him off the dcxk Into the water. The dark boy surfaces laughing, wiping water from his face. Immensely pleased. His teeth gleam. The lifeguard dives in after him.

A chill runs through the lifeguard. “ How do y o u know where he was strandedT "Simple." says the darkyouth. with a curt bluntness not previously exhibited. "Because I left him there."

H ID D IN C

Â® DREW W OJCIK

RUGBY PLAYER

Â© JA N LYN CH

ORAF

Â© D A N IEL COLLINS

UNAW ARE OF REFLECTIONS

Â© RICK CASTRO

1 7 -

7 r > P -n s & r

BIG JOY: Homage to lames Broughton t y

z 5

ct o. H AC ui a O CL

Franklin Abbott

ÂŠ

In the late 60 s the government of Japan instituted a program designating masters in traditional arts and crafts as living treasures. As gay men we are fortunate to have in our tribe living treasures as well. These elders have not only contributed to the refinement of gay culture but also to the fostering of gay consciousness. One such living treasure is the poet, playwright and filmaker James Broughton, now 84, who lives with his life partner Joel Singer in a spacious home nestled in a grove of evergreens near Port Townsend on Washington Stateâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Olympic Peninsula. James suffered a stroke in December 1996 which reduced his mobility but not the keenness in mind or the brightness of his spirit. He is currently working on a second collection of poems for Black Sparrow Press which last year published PACKING UP FOR PARADISE, a selection of James poetiy from 1946-1996. Including this new collection, James has published eighteen books of poetiy and six books of prose. His autobiography, C O M IN G U N B U TTO N E D , came out in 1993, released by City Light Books. He begins with these words about his arrival on Planet Earth: 37

"THE YEAR that gave birth to Le Sacre du Printemps, Swann s Way, and Nude Descending a Staircase also brought me into this world. Those other blessed events of 1913reouired a more laborious parturition than I did. Dr. Robertson declared mine the happiest deliveiy he had ever attended. For one thing I sailed in easy and laughing. And because I smiled at everyone they called me Sunny Jim. This happened in the town of Modesto on the Tuolomne River of Stanislaus County in the state of California. My mother once confessed that giving birth to me was the orgasmic highlight of her life. In fact, she and I got along better in her womb than we ever did after I came out of it. She adored babies, but disliked children, disliked indeed any person who ignored her instructions. Once I crawled around on my own she found plenty to dislike.

lames has always been more than a little bit out of line. He Is perhaps best known for his twenty- three avant garde films {seven with foel Singer). He was an original member of the A rt In Cinema group who exhibited at the San Francisco Museum of A rt In the 1940 s. One of his earlier films. THE PLEASURE GARDEN, was awarded a special |ury prize at the Cannes Film Festival In I9S4. In 1989 lames was honored by the American Film Institute with a lifetim e achievement avard. He was also on the cutting edge of poetiy In San Francisco In the late 40's and early $0's. In the 70 s and 80 s lames was active In the gay cultural life of San Francisco and the Radical Faerie movement. His poetry and films about the love between men are ecstatic, prophetic and without compromise. Gay men In search of a genuine heart master and master craftsman are blessed with lames' example and his legaty of words and Images. So how does this sage spend his time In his 84th year* lames says the first thing he does In a day Is to look to see If the sun Is out [this can be an event In the gray-skled Pacific Northwest), then he does hls exercises [barwork. kneebends. marching In place). A fter breakfast he says he writes a few lines in hls Journal. On Tuesdays he has a massage and on Thursdays, acupuncture. Some afternoons |oel w ill take him to the beach or a matinee, lames says visitors may come to tea at four for an hour. More than an hour and he gets tired. "M ostly I bodhl sit around and bask In my universal mind." says the poet. A fter traveling all over the world lames tells us that staying at home Is an act o f profound meditation. I asked lames In looking back on a long, Illustrious and adventuresome life what Questions he Is still Interested In. This is the list he gave me: / am packed up for paradise. How soon w ill my flig h t be called7 W ill the food be sublime, the sex out o f the w orld? Does God have the Grandest Cock In the universe? O r Is everything an Illusion. Including me? In that case should one die laughing? I've done my best but could I have done more to persuade men to love one another? Should I have ofrened my heart wider, shouted louder, crusaded for International ecstasy? O r would that really have made any difference? lames' |ourn<y Is not over. Hls wit still penetrates, hls heart s till glows, he finds |oy, big and small. In Joel's nurturing and the loving attention of devoted friends. Perhaps most Important is hls commitment to know who he Is. to plumb hls own depths deeper and deeper, to unravel hls own riddles, to rhyme body and soul. In I960, at the age of fortyseven. lames withdrew from the world for forty days and forty nights on the w ild coast o f Northern California. Hls record of that time spent apart was published as THE ANDROGYNE IOURNAL. This Is part o f what he wrote: A t sunset I went down to the Sea to say goodbye. I had picked the most fu ll blown rose I could fin d In the garden. In the stillness the Sea scarcely moved and the big tide pool stood crystal clear as I gazed Into It. O ld Friend. I said, help me to persevere. Keep yo u r depths In me. y o u r heartbeat, and y o u r Yes. Help me to endure the crucifixion o f being what I am! As I spoke I startled to see a stranger looking up at me.

In his ripening James has always shared the fruits of his muslngs and hls dreams. If there Is a summaiy o f James' philosophy o f life perhaps this is it: This Is It This Is really It This Is a ll there Is and It's perfect as It Is. There Is nowhere to g o but Here There Is nothing Here but Now There Is nothing Now but This A n d This Is It. MORE BIG |OY A delightful way to experience James' poetiy is to hear it set to music. THE BROUGHTON SONGS, a CD with thirteen of James’ poems set to music and performed ty Ludar, gives the listener easy access to some of lames’ most popular poetry. Ludar was a Chilean gay man who performed in supper clubs and cabarets in Los Angeles and San Francisco before hls death from AIDS In 1995. The CD Is available for $11. Including postage and handling, via |oel Singer. P.O. Box 1330, Pt. Townsend. W A 98363. Many of James' books are available from small Press D istributors: 800-869-7553. Hls films are collected on six videos available from Facets Video: 800-331-6197. An Interview and poetry Is available on the world wide web: http://www.erasmus. org and PACKING UP FOR PARADISE, edited by |Im C oiy and published by Black Sparrow Press Is available at bookstores. The follow ing poems are from hls newest collection.

Pa c k in g u p f o r P a r a d is e P a c k in g up fo r P arad ise I sh all take m e a lo n g no shoulds o r m ustnts o r ou gh tas I sh all g o p retty m u ch as I ’ve co m e lo n g w in d y a n d sn ailfo o ted I w o n ’t be c o o k in g up so m e perfection that c a n ’t be co u n ted on I w ill c a r ry m y ab erratio n s w ith m e u n d er p e rso n a l effects. S ettlin g in to P arad ise I w ill keep g r o w in g d o w n an d ou tw ard as m u ch as up an d at em I w ill try to be tru e to m y n atu ral u n d o in g as o f b efo re an d alw ays I w o n ’t e x p e a a to m o rro w vastly n iftier than to d ay I intend ju s t to b o d h i-sit aro u n d an d bask in m y u n iv ersal m ind.

(1982)

Joel Singer from Hvjmns to Hermes (Manroot Press)

James &* Joel (from R FD arch ives) A

u t o b io g r a p h y

ip p l e s a n d

ocks

N ip p le s a n d co c k s

I to o k a sh a rp lo o k I to o k a lo n g p ro w l I q u e stio n e d the serpent I q u e stio n e d the o w l I c a lle d up the m ayo r I c a lle d o n the sage I tried re a d in g P ro u st I tried life o n the stage I w e n t in to th erap y I w e n t ou t fo r sports I su ffe re d e v e ry ailm en t fro m sn iffle s to w arts I w e n t to the d ogs I w e n t to the P ope I clim b e d A n n a p u rn a I faste d o n do p e I d u g up the desert

ew s fro m th e

u r s in g

ome

n ip p les a n d co c k s N o th in g tick les the p alate like n ip p les a n d co c k s

T h e y assig n ed m e to d otage lik e so m e inept d ro o le r but I av o id the e ld erly I ren o u n c e se n io r citizen sh ip

L o s e y o u r ap p etite fo r

I ’ m to o lo n g a fo x y d allier

n ip p les an d co ck s

clip p ers a n d clo c k s b y try in g a tip p le o f

to be b o xed in w rin k les. In m y o w n lo o k in g g lass I b eh o ld a w a rrio r w h o h o b n o b s w ith rascals a n d m ello w m a g ic ia n s.

U p w ith y o u r T shirts D o w n w ith y o u r jo c k s T em pt y o u r taste b uds w ith n ip p les an d co c k s

I d o n ’t like b ein g told I ’ m fit to cru m b le.

D o n ’ t rid d le y o u r bro w o r rot in y o u r box

I d e lv ed in the sea B u t n o w h e re I lo o k ed c o u ld I re c o g n ize m e S o e v e n tu a lly I h ad to give u p m y p lan o f e sc a p e to S ia m a n d a cce p t m y s e lf here ju s t a s I am

C o n fin e d to q u arters I p o k e a ro u n d in m y s e lf fish in g for a pearl in w h a t’s left o f m y lotu s. T o o o ften I stir up

o r u n o rth o d o x

m u sty b u gb ears

Ju s t try a plain diet o f

w h o turn o ld sc re w s an d c o m p la in o f the dam p.

n ip p les an d co ck s

(1982)

N o need to be fa n c y

I a m sick o f b ack nu m bers

N ip p les an d co ck s

a n d d ream s w ith o u t g u m p tio n .

n ip p les an d co ck s N o th in g tick les the p alate like

F o r m y an gel o f d eath I w a n t a d ared ev il.

B u t it w a s n ’t e a sy

It's n icer to nibble on nipples an d co c k s

(1987)

nipples an d co c k s

(1982)

M emento of an A morist W h e n the y o u n g in terv iew er w an ted to k n ow h o w he o cc u p ied his tim e in retirem ent the a ilin g n ovelist sat u p on his co u ch to e n jo y a g u ffa w b efore he spoke.

o r t o is e

pen to

u e s t io n

I h a v e n ’t a retirin g bon e in m y body.

O n ce m y totem w as a u n ico rn . N o w at a d e ce le ratin g age I settle fo r a tortoise. H e shuns pu sh an d shove, snub s sid e track an d pit-stop, h as no traffic w ith hellbent, p refers one p lo d at a tim e. H is b ack sid e d isc o u ra g e s back slap an d claw , stin ger an d tooth.

I still slip out to pay m y respects to the b eau tie s p assin g acro ss the w orld . B le ss a ll m o th ers o f sh a p ely o ffsp rin g. I ’ve n ev er m et a cock I d id n ’t like. O h , sa id the reporter, m a y I q u o te that?

In a c o o l n e ck o f the w o o d s a lo n g w a lk fro m the v illa g e I h id e o u t fro m g ru n g e an d glitz a n d p ra y fo r a tid y ap o caly p se . N o th in g m u c h o n m y m in d but L o v e , G o d a n d H ereafter.

S a y th at I give c o m p assio n ate attentio n to m a n k in d ’s need for a taste o f bliss. D o n ’t y o u appreciate a frien d ly fo n d le?

T h o u g h tim e is c lo sin g d o w n m y life is still o p en to

T o e x p e a so m e love in retu rn ? O h no. I n ev er lo o k fo r a lover. I am one.

w h a te v e r c o m e s next o r w h a te v e r co m e s last.

B u t sir, isn ’t su ch b eh av io r risky?

W ith a sh o rte n in g lo n g e v ity I need to c o n sid e r last resorts.

S a y s the m o tto o n his tattoo: “ P erseveran ce fu rth e rs.”

D o n ’t flin ch , d e a r fellow. L e a rn to adore.

I f I nod o ff in m y d aw d le

A d o r a tio n is life ’s healthiest behavior. W h e re v e r y o u go be a p a ssio n a te lo ver

he can persist to the finish and leave fo otprin ts in the sand.

o f w h a te v e r h ap p en s o r w h o e v e r it is.

A b ed ro ll in the V oid?

Y o u ’ ll g rin all the w a y to y o u r grave.

T h e fo rest d ark en s a ro u n d me. W h e re is m y in evitab le h o m e?

(1995)

W h e n he w as later a ssign ed the o b itu ary the jo u r n a lis t read in the su icid e note: I n ev er le a rn e d to d istin gu ish betw een illu sio n a n d m iracle. I d id n ’t need to. I tru sted in lo v e ’s c o n fu sin g joy.

A h o u se b o a t o n the S ty x ? A v illa in E ly siu m ?

Is that the u ltim ate su rp rise? ( 1996)

Walt Whitman, The Young American A T rib u te

to G a y C o u n try L ife

by W.E. Griffith The I840's became the decade in which the Young America Movement blossomed. It was the "era of eras" for the movement: a time when the foundation of Young America’s cultural and political identity reached nationalistic proportions. Young America's fourth president was Walt Whitman - poet . journalist and a consummate rural American.” In fact. Whitman's love of the American countryside and his identity as a lover of men are two major elements incorporated into his life's work . Leaves of Grass. 1 like to think of Whitman as one of the very first proponents of country living for the gay man in America. He considered himself “one of the roughs" and developed a sense of untamed idioms which gave his poetry its freedom and tang. Cornelius Matthews was Young America’s leading spokesman of that era. In an 1847 Democratic Review article. Matthews wrote that American literature must possess “Nationality' and true Americanness... in its purest, highest, broadest sense. Not such as is declaimed in taverns, ranted-off in Congress, or made the occasion of boasting and self-laudation on public anniversaries." Mathews observations of Young America’s national role w'ere more cultural than political. Whitman's presidency o f Young America is not as widely reflected upon as, perhaps, his own literary contributions. But there is no doubt that he portrayed a “ true Americanness" by incorporating his love of the rural life with his love of men. It seemed, to him, to be a natural combination. Whitman's philosophical insight served as a beacon for a new generation over a century and a half later. On January 22, 1997 . I was honored to follow in the footsteps of Walt Whitman by becoming the thirty-fifth President of Young America. After a decade of service to the movement, my Presidency was able to draw upon the philosophical lessons left by Whitman as both a gay man and an advocate of rural , country life. Young America has become a haven for politically minded writers and artists (and aspiring American leaders) who have incorporated their sexuality into the rural life of the American countryside.

Today , Young America hosts a variety of retreats for artists and writers wrhere the celebration of life as one of the truly "Gay Rural Americans” is the theme. It also offers itself as a forum to express the political and cultural philosophies of those who participate. For decades . Young America seemed overrun by politics . Today, Young America's twenty and thirty-somethings recognize that "true Americanness" is not found in Congress . but in the spiritual and cultural context of nature- where life as a gay male and the rural country life come together as , perhaps . the most natural union of all. About the Author W.E. G riffith served as Young America's JSth President. He also served as the groups ambassador to Trance In 1995. among a variety o f othei posts. He won the 1996 Roosevelt Prize In literature for his poem "Isle o f Abandon" and the 1998 President s Award for I Iterary Excellence for his poetical work "Spectrum o f D iversity." Today he lives In the Ohio country and Is a playwright, poet and a rural gay American.

A Subjective Discography

LOU HARRISON on CD Somewhere among all the ink spilled during last year's many celebrations of Lou Harrison's 80th birthday, one writer stated "he has lived long enough to witness his own revival." There may be no better and more accessible testimony to that fact than the many compact disc recordings of works from Lou's large catalogue. It behooves me to state up front that I manage a record label (CRI) which has a number of Harrison recordings and I have included a few of them below. But I am also an avid collector of American music and an unabashed, long-time fan of Lou's music. Most any Harrison recording will show you his imminently danceable rhythms and flowing melodies. Here are some of my favorites. A Portrait, California Symphony, Barry Jekowsky, conductor (Argo 455 590-2). This is a fine new major label recording of some major works from throughout Lou's career. A testimony to the clarity and breadth of Lou's vision is that though the works date from the 1940s through the 1990s they seem cohesive and complimentary as if cut from whole cloth. The 1949 ballet S o l s t i c e has a delightful struggle for balance between the Sun Lion and the Moon Bull. The disc also contains the premiere recording of Symphony No. 4. Lou's sense of humor and joy in tinkering and fixing are displayed in the name and history of this work: it is subtitled "Last Symphony" and appears here in the fourth revision since its premiere in 1990. Beneath the long-lined string writing of the first movement there is a continual underpinning of dance-like rhythms, while the second movement is itself a furious dance entitled "Stampede." The final movement, "Three Coyote Stories," gives a star-turn to jazz vocalist A1 Jarreau who performs with engaging warmth in spoken, recitative and rap-like styles! Lou has written that in his life he "omits religion" (as many artists will claim), yet in S o l s t i c e and the "Coyote Stories" he displays a natural sensitivity to pagan spirituality. Lou

Harrison:

Rapunzel, an opera in six acts, and other works (New Albion 093). This is a welcome

recording of Lou's 1952 opera which is based on a psychological reinterpretation of the familiar tale by the 19th century English poet William Morris. In her liner notes, Leta Miller (whose authorized biography L o u H a r r i s o n : C o m p o s i n g a W o r l d is due from Oxford this year) writes: "Harrison describes the opera as 'in part self-analysis,' holding implicit in it 'some of the problems, tortures, and false rapture that I myself was experiencing in analysis and psychotherapy.'" The serialist procedures of the music result in a more angular and austere style than 42

typical Harrison. Yet as with Copland, who always remained himself even in his less-popular early or modernist works, Harrison's incisive rythms and dramatic flair remain ever present. Unfortunately the libretto is not included in the packaging though the singers' diction is remarkably good. (Update: A recent conversation with the composer confirms that, with a Lincoln Center commission in hand, he is now reworking his 1971, gay-themed opera Y o u n g C a e s e r by adding more arias and doing some re orchestration. "I want to leave an opera on a gay subject that is overt and open — unlike the Britten works." Go Lou!) La Koro-Sutro and other works, U.C. Berkeley Chorus, Philip Brett, conductor and other artists (New Albion 015). The title work here translates as Heart Sutra and it is cited one of the most "used and profound" Buddhist sutras. The setting is in Esperanto. The chorus sings in full voiced, affirming lines accompanied by the metallic and wooden resonances of the American Gamelan which is a family of percussion instruments conceived and built by Lou Harrison and William Colvig. Just try not to move or be moved by this inspiring music! Suite for Symphonic Strings with works by Colin McPhee and Chinary Ung American

Composers Orchestra, Dennis Russell Davis, conductor (Argo 444 560-2). I find that Lou's long melodies seem a bit breathless and rambling here but this disc does have value for the excellent performances led by Dennis Russell Davies, one of Lou's greatest champions, and also for the additional works which give a context to Lou's Easterninfluenced style. Colin McPhee's T a b u h - T a b u h a n from 1936 is a neglected classic in American music while the Cambodian roots of Chinary Ung lend his I n n e r V o i c e s of 1986 a new exotic appeal. Lou Harrison: American Masters Collection, Kronos Quartet and other artists (CRI CD 613). This CD reissue of some classic LP

recordings displays Lou at his best in several genres. The lively C o n c e r t o i n S l e n d r o for violin solo with tack piano and ensemble must be a classic since this is one of several recordings now available! Three handsome pieces for gamelan feature performances by Lou and Bill while the String Quartet Set is an early recording by the famed Kronos Quartet. Excerpts from this disc also appear on the collection Gay American Composers (CRI CD 721). — Jody Dalton

August 13. 1998

taken ju^ a few .. h‘s ,,fcr i mdbroke h' s neck

D ear RFD.

I interviewed Lou H arrison and his partner s

B ill C o lv ig in the sum m er o f 1987 fo r RFD (issue

A This photograph was the daybefore B ill took a fall a should be home again In the next few jtlful as ever. He needs to helping be very bn, 0 positive force In ‘ are all tiylng to keep together that has beautnu. Isthis a strong, posn U>u crisis, and we are all rry...0 You maybe well aware o fthe book on Lou support each other. '“<*n released fromaOWorld. xford UItniversity Press. y- well Is a remarkabl hv LetaM iller andFrederick long time just been reic Harrison : Composi ngaworkby Leia .... researched and written Lleberman - both UCSC professors and long friends o fLou and B ill. I had the most fortunate occasion o fassisting In research and co-authorlng the works catalogue." Leta M iller has /ust completed an edition for M*U*S*A (Music In the UnitedStates ol -lea) which should be out In O ctober. '■ •ivs have several happening, a o projects fh is second opera. “Y fr> r the Lin coln A m e n ta , . always (/<... 1’f‘vislon oi .... M/'*

#53. W in te r 1987-88). Today, we want to do a bit o f a retrospective, an exam ination and appreciation o f Lo u ’s and B ill's w ork and his co nnections to oth e r notable gay musical and a rtis tic figures whose lives have spanned the m a jo rity o f th is century. His circle o f friends and colleagues included Queer com posers Harry Partch, |ohn Cage and the po e t-film m aker and Faery G odm other, lames B roughton - all West Coasters. Each to o k a h ighly in d iv id u a lis tic and unique path to th e ir art that goes against the grain o f western art concepts and also explored eastern p h ilosophies and developed a personal s p iritu a lity that rejected the Judeo-Christian. They are all strong and som etim es irascible in d iv id u a lis ts each w ith a

L o u ^ b ro u S ^

major one Is tu.. CaesarI"have which IsEstival toabe — In o fRFD2000. been reader for many, manyyears Center Summer Festive ‘ '^ k forward to each Issue. I hope this photo cecss" ~nd manybest wishes onyour ave »,v. - r continuedsue all look forwaru ... ble and we all send many and we -fifth Is su ita b le and *v ',rv and foryour twenty r,fth anniversarya Best

Hanson

■$ Haf

rtson and

‘ -''V to Mr

personal vision. We m ight call them shamans o f art. T h e ir lives entw ined w ith many o f the a rtis tic movers -'hand t upshakers for w ho created the w o rld o f high art we know today. The oth e r notable gay A m erican com posers - A a ro n C opeland, Samuel Barber. V irg il T hom pson, D avid D ia m o n d . Ned Rorem, et al whose lives and w ork were co term inous w ith Lou's company o f friends, were m ore o f an east coast, tra d itio n a lis t m entality. Lou's com pany are elders w ho can teach us more than m usic - we can learn im p o rta n t lessons from th e ir lives and accom plishm ents.

Cha,J,Wtst and ald!

(a*c

Faerie and art have a close re lationship, fostering free expression and spontaneity. It m ight be said that in Faerie, life is art o r that we make o u r lives an art, c o n tin Â uously creating and recreating ourselves, disco ve rin g new

indigenous instrum ents, m ostly percussion, plucked strings and w inds. This is a p a rtic ip a to ry fo lk music, rather than concert m usic that separates p e rform er from audience - more the idea o f faerie circle, d ru m m in g circle or

ways to be and relate. These artists have done the same w ith th e ir lives in a m ajor way that most o f us w ill not

com m unity equality, rather than d ass/status d ivisio ns. Perform ers are encouraged to master all the instrum ents

achieve, but they are in s p ira tio n fo r us. A m o n g them, only

and be able to move around in the ensemble. The com poser, c o n d u c to r o r v irtu o s o p e rfo rm e r is not

Lou. B ill and james consider them selves Faeries. The o thers we should honor fo r having Faerie s p irit. Lou and B ill have been a team for over 3 0 years. Both were born in O regon in 1917, and turn 81 this year. They have lived on a h ill in A p to s , CA, near M onterey Bay

necessarily exalted. A m e rica d oesn't have much o f a fo lk m usic tra d itio n anymore. I t â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s e ither the academic and concert, high class art o r com m ercial pop art. a c o n d itio n that Lou

fo r over 20 years. Lou composes, B ill b u ild s unique m usical instrum ents and plays. They are active in the local

decries. He has a d is tin c t and controversial view o f current

and national m usic com m unity, as w ell as th e ir local gay com m unity, where they have been accepted and respected as a couple.

do some m u sico lo g ists. I q u o te from a previously

pop u la r music - he doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t th in k it is a folk music at all, as unpublished part o f the interview. "It may begin in garages, but if it gets transferred

Lou was a student o f A m erican com poser H eniy

to disc it's an in dustrial p ro d u ct. If it doesn't sell,

C ow ell and later, the German inventor o f 12-tone serialism , A rn o ld Schoenberg, w ho had im m ig ra te d to Los Angeles

it gets m elted down fo r the next tiy . I d o n 't see anything else in it. A n d the people in universities

before W W IL Lou moved around the country, fo llo w in g his m usical education and ended up in New York C ity fo r ten

say that A m erican music is pop music. I like to p o in t out that the engineering departm ent does not

years, but d id n 't like it and was offered a residency and teaching p o sitio n at Black M ountain C ollege (N C ) from

give courses in the a p p reciation o f 1930s Buicks, whereas they do in the music departm ent. In effect,

I9SI 1953, where he was much happier. The unfo rtu n ate ly s h o rt-live d college was a unique in s titu tio n that nurtured

the same th in g . I th in k it's sim p ly silly. It's a

many great A m erican artists o f all d iscip lin e s. A fte r his stint there, he returned to C alifornia, where he has spent

product. If it sells, fine, but why make an art o f it? It isn't. So I have no interest in it. In fact, I d o n 't know w hat's happening about it. Ten years later

most o f his life, to continue com posing and teaching at San lose State U niversity.

so m e th in g may prove a novelty. By that tim e it's long gone at the pop level. I regard it as a

Lou says that he has a West Coast and Pacific Rim m indset that relates more to A sia than Europe. But he also looks back to the Pastoral and Pagan tra d itio n - randy gods, goddesses, nymphs, satyrs and shepherds - away from urban influences, w hich relates to faerydom . Early on in his musical life he broke away from the European and A m erican tra d itio n s o f the tim e. First, he cultivated a Baroque influence, w hich is a classical tra d itio n that often

com m ercial p ro d u c t and I'm glad it makes money, but that's the object as far as I'm concerned." W h ile he composes w orks that he d oesn't consider fo lk music, Lou's musical roots are fo lk based and the perform ance requirem ents often have a p a rticip a to ry nature. Lou's works o f note are (his firs t m ajor Gamelan w ork), the operas and - a gay theme,

looked back to ancient Greek myths, then discovered Asian

Sutro Young Caesar Percussion Orchestra. He

musics, especially the Javanese Gamelan, that uses

G uggenheim awards.

Symphony on G, la Koro Rapunzel Concerto for Violin and

is the recipient o f two

Harry Partch (1901 - 1974) was the most singularly individual of these composers. An irascibleyet generous man, he followed his own vision and morality. Largely self-taught, he wrote hobo music and performance pieces that are both music and theater, but not like traditional opera,yet powerfully emotional. His decidedly unique works celebrate the condition o f the common man or explore prim itive myths. He actually was a hobo for a few years and lived a very peripatetic life. Most of his compositions use nontradltlonal. microtonal scales o f more than 12 notes that require unique instruments that he designed and built and also requires that the performers must be actors. Later in his life when he was somewhat shakily established, he created the Gate 5 Ensemble (named for Gate 5 Road in Sausallto, where he lived at the time). Interestingly, he got only young men to play his music. Many o f his recordings from the 1950s and early 1960s were recently re-released on the CRI label. Get them for a revelation.

O SyMa Spencer

|ohn Cage {1912 - 1992. LA. CA). also a student of Cowell and Schoenberg, and a colleague of Lou's at Black Mountain College, had a tremendous influence on modern art when he began creating aleatoric music, that is. chance or found music that allows extreme improvisation and interpretation, so that no two performances are remotely similar. It can be said that Cage found the musical in the most nonmusical o f things. And sometimes we must wonder whether he wasn't having a big |oke at the listener’s expense or was he serious. Take for example. ”4' 33” ." a piano piece where the soloist Is Instructed to sit at piano, open the keyboard lid. sit Quietly w ithout touching the keys fo r four minutes and thirtythree seconds, close the lid. stand and bow and leave the stage. What do you listen for? This music Is perhaps more cerebral and academic than Harrison's or Partch's. but his comprehensive philosophical writings on art may supersede the Quality o f his compositions. He is best known for many prepared piano works (a technlQue developed by Cowell) In w-hich various ob|ects are inserted in the strings to alter the sound. He was always more concerned with rhythm than melody or harmony. To Cage, percussion was potentially endless - the drumming of the universe.

lames Broughton (1913. Modesto. CA) creates celebratory art film and poetry focused on eroticism and humor, mostly gay themed in his later life. His first ma|or art film. "The Pleasure Garden" - 1952, made on the grounds of the derelict Crystal Palace In London, was a pean to the unconventional - a battle between the forces of conformity and progressiveness. Other notable films are "Song of the Godbody" - 1977. with music by Lou. exploring parts of the human body (lames) In a loving and erotic light. "Devotions" - 1983. a celebration o f diverse gay relationships, to "Scattered Remains (of lames Broughton)" - 1988. directed with his lover and independent filmmaker. |oel Singer. Once married briefly to film critic Paulene Kael. Broughton was part of the 1950s San Francisco literary avant garde (Borroughs, Ginsberg. Corso. Kerouac, Ferlinghetti), was blacklisted in the McCarthy era and hung out with spiritual philosopher Alan Watts. His poetry books include "G raffiti For the jdhns of Heaven." "Ecstasies,” "Hymns to Hermes" and "Shaman Psalm."

James Broughton 8r Joel Singer

These lives and their works came out of a specific place and time unlike now. Are there others among us who can take their place and create new arts? Is it harder now then it was in the earlier part of the century to go against the mainstream and succeed on one’s own merit? These lives show that it can be done. It's up to us to have the courage and w ill to find a way to honor our mentors who have given the world so much pleasure.

continuing in our Winter issue #96: RFD's 25th Anniversary Year and a Celebrating of our Elders: Franklin Abbott pays tribute to Edward Field; Joey Cain honors Harry Hay John Burnside; a memorial remembrance of writer and archivist, Jim Kepner and more: fiction, poetry, photography, spirituality, networking ... §§Subscribe today or give a gift subscription to a friend

POETRY

On Lake Michigan W c step out o f the pool o f light, slipping between the empty houses; and are swallowed up tn darkness. N ot knowing the path, I walk close behind clutching your hand, feet tremulously shuffling along the narrow limestone walk damp and cool under the trees. W e reach, hesitantly searching for steps invisible in the night. A t the break in the tree line, we continue through dune grasses and loose sand to the water's edge. A w ay from the trees, the stars fill the sky, pinholes shining through a black velvet blanket tightly stretched over our heads. The waves are gentle on the shore. Y ou r arm around my shoulders then sliding to my waist pulling me close in the dark that, trusting, I allowed you to lead me through. W e spot Saturn in the East, Cassiopeia in the South, and directly over our heads

the ritual

To My Penis at Bedtime

as we finish the jigsaw puzzle

you gush, “you never know

Joyous at being loosed

that is me. And, I wonder,

where the day w ill take you, so you m ight as w ell

from binding clothes,

D o you know this path we are on

look your best.” one knee bent and aimed

you rise to thank me.

for the gurgling sink and the m ajority o f weight

T ickle d by fresh sheets,

you point out the North Star. H old ing each other tight, I shudder

as w ell as you knew the one that led us here?

Jack Farris Kettering, OH

Welcome Home Just a scent, A hint o f you.

on hip and column o f right leg.

Y o u wander here and there,

parting the skin o f mist across

tw itching like stars

the m irror, a tract o f reflection

on a clear night.

amidst tw in panels o f grey opaque

D esire’ m em ory collects

the medicine cabinet, or:

like warm tea in a cup,

a m agnification o f razor.

hotter w ith each sip.

you surveying intently, the impression o f hypnosis

Y o u caress m y bent thigh

as aloe vera, aerosol and the distinct smell o f

and belly, raise

testosterone

the purple sparks

froth out the can onto fingers

behind m y eyes, cast

slather, throat and cheek and chin

your net into the pond

(a ll those places I find m y hands tracing

o f pulse, catching fish,

absently on weekend a.m .)

sleek, red-throat,

confident, upward strokes

breathing the moon.

the scraping o f skin most intimate, so w illin g to bleed

I feel your presence

for preening

I love the way

Like a blanket

thick lines clear cut through white,

you sway to the music

magnetized to the half-steamed glass and setting

o f the waves and wind

W rapped around me. Just a w h iff

frequency

in my ear and breath,

to narcissus.

the firm pliancy

From the other side O f the house where you came in the door; Lingering quietly Like an old friend

o f your expectation. it probably started in africa, you know...

I rub you for good luck,

the taking o f blades for beauty

and your smile beaks

for separating the men from the boys,

into light. Y o u rise

how ashamed those divine keloided men would be

to thank me, but how

to watch us white boys rip o ff and water down

can I best thank you?

yet another thing sacred

Brian J. Fletcher Cowen, WV

A h, I thought that’s what yo u ’d say.

Shanandoah Hagerstown, MD

Brian Cronwall Kapa’a, HI

Many Ways How have we loved us? Let us list some ways. We’ve loved us in the kitchen Before the porcelain altar. The sink, we, anointed with oil, Olive oil, but only the very best, We dribbled drops on the floor Lapped up by the mutt who watched. We’ve loved us in the barn. Goats munching hay nearby. Watch out for horseflies As we baste one another l ike turkeys in the straw. We'll try a folding chair next time. We’ve loved us in the bath, On the floor, Oh! Look! A mirror. No need to shut the door. We’re here alone today. How handy are the tools, The bath, the towels, the lube. We’ve loved us in the tent, Rolling bare on the grass, Finding later heaps of change Dumped during cramped undress. We pant like scouts in heat Under the canvas on a summer day.

drawings by Duncan Hilton

We’ve loved us in the field Under the multi-million stars, By light of half full moon, Next to three leafed poison ivy Burning crimson in days to come. Don’t touch it! Touch this and this and this.

Wet Dream I t ’ s raining, I w alk into a m eadow, I lie naked on the grass, I spread m yself w ide and look up into the pouring rain. I receive the rain like a lover, w ith a deep sigh. The water runs like w et fingers over m y skin, poking me

We’ve loved us in the car in the middle of a thoroughfare And fell asleep while light was red Our pants around our knees, Awakened by a knock, a cop, Who parked us and said, “Stay here.”

gently in a hundred places all at once, T ic k lin g me, caressing m e, running through my hair, W etting m y lips, drib blin g down m y thighs. I giggle. Every raindrop, like a pebble tossed into a still pool o f water, sends shudders o f delight rippling through m y soul. The sound o f the rain is like a panting moan, H arder and harder it rains until I open m y mouth to scream,

We’ve loved us in the bed This way and that and to and fro. We haven’t tried it all, good thing, There’s more to come and come again Just push the dog aside, and cat. And hope the kits don't claw and bite.

But I receive m y lover on m y tongue instead and swallow a

How shall we love us? Let’s not end the ways.

sweet nectar o f bliss. O n a bed o f grass, under sheets o f rain, In a wet dream, I make love w ith the Earth.

Raymond Masters Ypsilanti, Ml

Mickey Doodles Albuquerque, NM 47

Unable to Sleep Lying next to this strange man who shares my bed tonight, 1 wonder w hy he doesn’t find m y presence

Dreams That Walk the Skin

as overpow ering as 1 find his. W ith every inhale and exhale,

1 promise not to laugh

1 think 1 get to know him more.

at your nakedness

H is restless body seems to be

if you w ill promise not to laugh

calling me to come closer

at mine

This is spiritual stuff.

to com fort him in these strange surroundings

feel your spine shiver when I slip

it finds itself in tonight.

This is not a time to procreate.

into your waiting crevices.

W hen I lean my body toward him to announce my presence,

This is not a time to thrill

This has been a love affair

his body detects m y approach.

and allow ecstasy, a time to let

o f just the heart and mind too long.

Instead o f receiving m y body language’ s message

intimacy mature both our spirits.

o f m y willingness to com fort him, he awakens m om entarily from his sleep

W ho w ill believe what we w ill write The tongue has always been

once we know what others can only

speaking only in whispers

The cock’s eternal suitor.

guess about us? I have come

to insure his quick return to sleepdom

It hasn’t anything to do

two thousand miles to find you,

because it seems once again

with anything but cumming.

my touch has interrupted his nocturnal bliss.

squandered over fifty years waiting

M y effort to com fort his dorm ant body

I need you to suck on the hair

as i f I was his lover or at least his loved one

for you to discover that where we stand

behind your knee, make your ankles

has become an interruption

becomes holy ground because o f what

twitch, feel you quiver when my

rather titan a gesture o f affection

we become when our dreams w alk the skin.

beard ignites your armpits,

It is only after m y third attempt at soothing his contorted body

Christopher Thomas Omaha, NE

that I learn he views m y attention on him as a means by which I ’m keeping him from his golden goal o f sleep. 1 feel m ortally wounded and fall from m y perch with a thunderous crash only m y ears can hear. T im e, space, and circumstances create this personal ja il o f mine doom ing me to lie there beside m y sleepy cohort sentenced to watch him wrestle with his sleepless torment after being labeled unneeded and unwanted by this strange man who shares m y bed.

Marc A. Thomas New York, NY Renewal It has been far too long that I have sat here Getting fat on the city on the people. 1 must reconnect with the branches And breathe with blades o f grass. It seems that I have forgotten the reality o f cold stone and the rainbow spray o f w aterfall valleys. Tonight, as 1 walked alone, wilderness reached for me across the ch illy air and frosty streets. 1 looked up to the h a lf moon knowing I had been absent too m any seasons. N ow , I can only hope for the strength to journey to the woodlands and become again one w ith my god.

Brian Rcgicnczuk Macon, GA 4S

An Introduction to the Tarot

by Olmo

You w ill soon learn that the Tarot works bv combining reason with intuition. Reason gives us the basic workings: how the cards are shuffled, how thev are laid out following particular patterns, what each card position within the pattern means, what each card means by Itself, etc. Then you w ill see that it gets tricky when you have meanings on top of meanings. The process of combining and deciphering these meanings and communicating them to an InQuirer or for yourself reQuires relying on intuition, that Immense power that lies below reason and links humans together with all life.

So you're tired o f corporate clowns reupholstering the cultural furniture a la Martha Stewart. T h ^ 're not at all funny, are they. And although their fundamentalist allies are hilarious, so was H itler's mustache. One demands that you be a slave, the other demands that vou be a SQuare. What ya gonna do then? Speed? Prozac? Put down the pharmaceuticals. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time you discovered more about whoyou really are. First let's take stock of what you have. A beat up bumperstickered car. a pair of holy holey boots, a few cute skirts, some candles, a tarot deck, a poetiy book, power rocks. Incense, a wallet your Mom gave you ten to twenty years ago. $217.38 saved in a box. a very sexy body, and lots of Queer attitude. An admittedly humble list of assets, but enough. I think, to save the planet.

I like to think o f a reading as a snapshot of the current energies coursing through your mind/body. Imagine sunlight hitting"the sacred mixture of gasoline and water that is running o ff a parking lot after a summer rainstorm. The many different colored streaks are the collective archetypal energies that you can access with your human birthright. Your personality is. pardon my metaphor, a drain on the side of the parking lot channeling this magical liQUid to a nearby stream. The Tarot cards represent the different colors of the liQUid. (the collective archetypal energies), and a reading represents a snapshot o f the flow, frozen in time and highlighting certain colors for you to reflect upon, meditate on. or examine, depending on your style. Another level of complexity is added when we consider the meaning of the card positions In the reading which correspond to the shape of your particular drain cover (your personality), filte rin g the pretty colors In the way that only you can filter them holding onto some more than others.

Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s see . . . a tarot deck, huh? As you know, it's a very potent tool. It's been used since the Italian Renaissance when culture was less alienating. That's why you see all those medieval characters like the Emperor, the Charioteer and all the royalty cards including knights. These were real figures for the time when Tarot was invented. Although there Is a thin patina of Christianity suffusing many decks, you cannot hide the fact that the Tarot is a thoroughly pagan experience with its Priestess, Moon and Sun cards, not to mention the Hierophant, the Star all the way up to the Universe. Not very Baptist by any stretch of the imagination. For many years the Tarot was used in certain circles to predict the future. Practitioners in some places were branded witches and harassed, and throughout its history, the Tarot has had a naughty esoteric air about it. There continue to be superstitions and misconceptions relating to the Tarot. It is often portrayed both positively and negatively as occult, as if its secrets were too mysterious and dangerous for anybody less than supreme magicians. D on't be fooled. This cabalistic air is pushed by fundamentalists who believe in a devil they see everywhere, and by m agic-with-a-'k' types out to be more magickal than thou. There is no hoojee goo|ee mystery of the great other to the Tarot that prevents anyone who wants to learn its real secrets from doing so.

So the Tarot is a pretty sophisticated tool. Once you've mastered the art of imagining how you are experiencing the collective energies, you can begin to predict how they w ill come toyou and when, like the weather forecaster predicting sun or rain. But there's more. Remember,you are the dralncover - that'syour ego-personality in action. And you have some ability to affect how the sacred liQUid is going to flow through you. not as much control as some thlnk-and-grow-rlch types would sell you. but enough to have a positive Impact on your life. And when you're not busy trying to control these energies, the Tarot can help you sit back and appreciate all those pretty colors going down the drain.

This is not to say that the Tarot is not an extremely powerful tool. It is. For example, my experience with the Tarot has led me to believe that it can be used to predict the future, not unlike weather forecasters predict sun or rain. Like the weather forecaster, a practiced Tarot reader takes stock of the different energies sw irling around and in you and applies them to y o u r Questions involving the future. The answer may not be what you want to hear (It might rain tomorrow) but wise ones learn to prepare themselves for all possibilities with the aim of maximizing experience.

W ith a relatively small commitment, you w ill learn that the Tarot works by turning the naturally chatty interactions of a social primate into a focused and therefore sacred act. You are a good Tarot reader when you are a good listener and when you have acQuired the ability to effectively translate complexity to an inQuirer. You w ill also become aware of the immense power of silence and how souls communicate to each other through more than just words. In the process you w ill be able to help an InQuirer open to his or her own mysteries.

Learning to read the Tarot also takes patience and commitment. You have to be w illing to stutty the cards and vourself in order to be able to recognize the energies represented by each of the Tarot cards. You then must also spend time giving yourself and your friends readings. This Isn't that hard. Most people find it fun. Turn o ff the stereo or the T V you're borrowing and play with the cards. The moreyou play, the more you learn. The more you learn, the better reader you w ill be and the more people w ill come to y o u for assistance, which Isyour opportunity to undog some of the psychic constipation in the world, thereby making it a better place.

And this Is where you w ill save the world by letting those pretty colors flow through you and playing with them while resisting the demands of the hilariously dangerous fundamentalists to deny that certain colors exist and the demands o f the not funny corporate clowns that the only way to en|oy the colors Is to buy them. Olmo Is a San I rant Lu o based faerie who has lust e la b o ra te d wtth Sievee Postman on his Cosmic Tribe Tarot deck. Olmo has written the Interpretive text (over 2 0 0 pares) that elucidates Stevee 's photographic and digitally enhanced Imagery (back cover this Issue Is The Hanged Man. one of the 22 malor arcana In a tarot deck). Tor more Info about The Cosmic Tribe Tarot, call 415 90S 939} or e-mail: www.stevee.com.

Burke. Phyllis. Gender Shock: Exploding the Myth o f Male & Female. NY.Doubleday 1997. 288pp hardcover $23.95 paperback $14.00 Ahh. childhood! Stealing the paper dolls of my cousin Vanessa. Dressing up in my mother's rhinestone collection when she was out o f the house. Not only knowing how to color w ithin the lines, but also how to combine the crayon colors of "thistle" with “ light violet" to get a fierce purple thing going on. So many talents, and so little appreciation. Were my parents proud to say. "My son hates football and would rather pick d ill from the garden to make a yummy soup?" Nooooooo! O h .yo u better believe that pride was taking a vacation during my creative years and replaced with parental mortification. No pity necessary for me. however. 1 was a faerie In embryo and a whole maglkal world awaited me. It only took me thlrty-oneyears to discover my faerie tribe at Short Mountain. U ntil then, I learned Quickly how to play society's game of gender roles, and simply played out my dreams in secrecy. Burke in her nonfiction study Gender Shock explores In depth what It means to be male and female In our society. She shows the great lengths to which parents, schools, and psychologists w ill go in order to keep children within the confines o f gender expectations. Burke exposes the horrific conditioning imposed upon young children under the guise of therapeutic help. She includes several case studies o f boys and girls that did not show approplate gender behavior and how they were reprogrammed. I believe this book would be veiy interesting for those who work with children, who plan on having children, or who are s till looking to understand the chid w ithin. For those who have already found peace in themselves and no longer feel pressured by society to conform to rigid gender roles— congratulations for making it! Continue to break down gender expectations at every opportunity. It makes a difference.

Hall. Mamy, PhD, Editor, Sexualities. NY:

Harrington Park Press, 1996. 119 pp. paper. OK. here Is a book that made me really think, and think hard! This collection of 12 essays on divergent topics from a womyn'sAvombynVwImmln's, (chooseyour term here) perspective, really got me! Now. this aging Queer man, although supportive, respectful and who honors our sisters differences and sameness with us. ain't about to proclaim that I understand all the Issues this book brings up. I have NO experience of living as a real womyn. so how could I? Some of the essays were very academic— read: big words, dry as toast; while others were tongue in cheek; and still others. Quite moving. But then the authors are also Quite diverse. To list a few: the humor of Sex Maven by Annie Sprinkle; the witty . “ In your face", revelations on Race and Religion of Nzlnga Shaka Zulu; the strength and honesty o f a breast cancer survivor by foAnn Loulan. f very womyn has something to say. and here they do. frankly and thoughtfully. I first looked at this book and wondered why RFD would ask a fag to review a lesbian feminist book? Then I stopped that nonsense and said. "Why not?" I'm a firm believer o f open dialogue to facilitate understanding. So. why the hell not review this— PC or not! Like I'm PC! I read this book, was challenged by It. at times was confused by It, but I learned some things too. Such a topic as “Dominance and Submission: The Psychosexual Exploitation of Women In Cults." was Quite frightening In Its relevance to anyone of whatever sex. The clear and concise description o f the ease and dexterity with which cults entrap people was a real shock! Another topic which was a thought provoker was "Intimacy for Sale”- a discussion of the premise that the

I actually found myself moved to tears and anger as I read the case studies. How it is possible that we have allowed time and time again the most delicate, creative souls to be beaten down? Thought Quite painful to read at times, I found this book a cathartic experience. I was able to mentally skewer the parents and psychologists for the torture they inflicted on their children. I was able to relive memories I had long since forgotten and give thanks to the universe for helping me survive and helping me find self-acceptance. lust how many beautiful spirits are s till Imprisoned behind the bars of gender roles? I'd venture to say every human being has paid a great price for our societal gender expectations. Faerie-brothers, remind yourselves that you are free to chooseyour gender or create a new one.

"selling o f Intimacy by therapists. (Including psychoanalysts, psychiatrists, clinical psychologists, social workers, marriage guidance counselors and others who get paid to engage In psychotherapy), has become an Increasingly successful business In the United States."

Paint your toenails! Get Barbie a new o u tfit! Buy that strand of pearlsyou've been eyeballin ! Do the hoolahoop in the fro n tya rd ! Go to a toy store and buy something you always wanted as a kid, but knew you weren't allowed to ask. As the anger subsided from reading Gender Shock. I gave thanks to the Universe for my life. So, 1 o ffe ryo u an Invitation to let go of anger and resentment— Keep fighting to change the system, but call back your energy from a place of victim ization— and be grateful for the Jo u rn ^ we are walking. Burke made a beautiful contribution to society in com piling these studies and w ritin g this book. M akeyour contribution by beingyour most beautiful Selfl

I'm also the first to admit that this book Is not for everyone. What book Is? But any man who lives with, works beside, or who Interacts with womyn In any way. might consider reading this. W ho knows.you might learn something a bo ut each other. And. after a ll. Isn't that the nature o f books? K doesn't matter whether or not you agree with the statements and b d ie fs ; It's the exchange o f Ideas we can relish. S iste rs, I s a lu t e y o u l

B le s s in g s! review ed by S tin g in g N e ttle

Review by Kyron Seth W oolf V irginia

Vancouver, BC .

PARTICULAR VOICES: Portraits o f Gay and Lesbian Writers bv Robert Giard. The MIT Press. Cambridge 1997. 320 pp. Reviewed by A Vera Robert Giard traces the genesis o f his life as a gay reader to the occasion when, as a ten-year-old. he looked up the word â&#x20AC;&#x153;homosexual " In the family dictionary. Is there a selfaware lesbian or gay man who has not experienced her or his own particular version of this common event, the initial effort to Inform and define our sexual self-identity? One chief vehicle for transforming particular Individual experiences into a broader shared culture has always been literature, and from that initial one-word kernel of inquiry. Giard determinedly pursued a blossoming sense of gay culture through the written word, taking himself from a working-class background in Hartford. Connecticut to a masters degree in literature. W hile creating a successful career as a professional portrait photographer and teacher of photography, literature -- and gay w ritin g in particular -- remained a central interest in his life. In 1985, Giard embarked on a project that would combine these two disciplines In a testament to the reality of gay and lesbian w riting. His vision w;as "to record something o f note about our experience, our history, and our culture." He began by taking portraits o f gay writers of his acquaintance in the New York City area. Before long, the project expanded to include lesbian writers as well, and Bob found himself traveling further and further afield as one writer referred him to another, until he was traveling throughout the countiy as time and resources allowed. G lards process of selection * is not casual or indiscriminate. In all cases, he is familiar with the author's work, and Initially communicates by letter and phone to establish some rapport with his subject. When a date is agreed

Allan Berube

Richard Plant

ÂŠ Robert Giard

upon, he finally travels to the author s environs and. utilizin g only the available light of that moment, makes the portrait. This personal connection and respect for the Individuality of each subject becomes a fundamental and often visible part of the final product, most obviously In the shots where he situates a writer amid the physical accretions of a full life. The view of lames Purdy beside his eclectically-cluttered fireplace mantel, or that of Samuel Steward enveloped by leather armchair and sleeping lapdog, provides a direct understanding of the person who created that interior decor. More subtly, an artist amid fam iliar surroundings can feel comfortable enough to display his or her profound self to the camera. Poet jonathan Williams, arms festooned between an antique bedpost and a peculiarly Danish-modern wizard's staff, forcefully communicates the no-nonsense personal power behind his challenge to "Get HOT or get O U T!" Ed Albee sitting In his garden and May Sarton on her sun drenched settee display very specific opennesses which inform us o f their inner beings. Giard has the knack o f evoking a certain sprltellness from his more demure subjects as well as the complementary skill o f resolutely standing ground and absorbing the fu ll frontal assault of more Intense personas. The former Is seen In Olga Broumass sweetly uncoy. over the shoulder smile, delivered above the elegant expanse of her bare back. She seems surprised and pleased at the opportunity to display such a sophlstocated Image. The latter technique comes In handy when confronting the solemn impishness of Dennis Cooper's savagely-focused stare. The most classic portraits, simple uncluttered close ups. are perhaps the most straightforward communications of Inner life Glard s shots of D oris Grumbach. Marion /Im m er Bradley and Adrienne Rich display all the simple power of

(9 Robert Giard SI

In thirteen years. Giard has recorded well over 500 unique events, over one-third of which have blessedly been passed on to us in this handsome collection. The souare dimensions o f the book allow for proper presentation o f the elegant duo-tone prints. In most cases, a selection from the author's work appears on the facing page, allowing expression o f both the literary and visual voices . Readers moving among these pages will be arrested by striking images, many of artists previously unknown to them. Seduction by eloQuent and challenging w ritin g is also likely, affording the opportunity to discover new and unfamiliar works. The reality of AIDS gives an even more profound poignancy to the inherent themes of Particular Voices. In our age. particularity is inextricably bound up with transience. Many of the subjects honored here have passed on; others departed too early to become part of the work. A ll this only gives a heightened legitimacy to Robert Giard's inspired folly. Among the" series of unforgetable faces, there is a photo of one o f the memorial stones here at Short Mountain. It bears the legend. "What means death in this rude assault?" Each particular reader w ill have to come to a particular answer on that Question. Meanwhile, on the facing page, D odie Bellamy offers her own understanding. "The point is to look," she says, "not in horror not in pity or even in compassion, but to look as precisely as possible at the ever wavering presence right in front of one--this is the closest beings as imperfect as we can come to love." That is the way Bob Giard sees his subjects, and he offers them to us so that we all may practice loving.

Vitto Russo

ÂŠ Robert Giard

contented souls. Others, like Michael Nava, John Boswell and Timothy I In seem like has reliefs, the energy of these spirits so wanting to leap from the page. A conscious composition is occasionally evident in some of the work, hut in every case, it serves a valid aesthetic or chronicling function. Historian Allan Berube is posed before the stoic lines o f his Deco radio collection, and the stark light and shadow bisecting the cactus on Bernard Cooperâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s patio resonates In our minds with Georgia O'Keefe's black door senes. Far less conspicuous, yet devastatingly effective, is the mystical convergence of chance with the trained eye of the artist evident in the group photo o f Other Countries, a black gay writers' collective. The intertwined arms of this loving brotherhood replicate the twists and turns of the steam pipes on the wall behind. Allen Ginsberg w ittily shows the camera his own portrait of W illiam Burroughs, while holocaust historian Richard Plant displays the startling breadth of a life by holding up a picture of himself as a young man. The m irror which reflects frank Bidart's image also captures a peripheral selfportrait of the photographer, his hand modestly obscuring his face as lie focuses his Hasselblad That shot goes further than any other in the collection to providing a record of the specific event ol actually shooting a photo, and in doing so, it is emblematic of the entire project recording for the present and for posterity a visual touchstone of these specifics, these particular lives and the particular works these lives have produced

Other Countries Collective

ÂŠ Robert Giard

Manriquc. Jamie. Twilight at the Equator. 1997 Faber

Don't get me wrong I don't hate opera or classical music. I spent years singing classical liturgical music. But I never got into opera. Z ipping through this book d idn't get me Interested enough to go further either. I can see diva brows raising already. Sacrilege!! So If you are Into opera. Britten, etc. fine. You might want to check out this little gem of a book.

& Faber: London & Boston. 214 pages, cloth. U S. $23.95 * A series of five Interrelated stories that took me a couple o f slow reads . Not for anyone looking for an easy, light read. W ith death (murder and suicide) as the common thread, this book can be a bit of a downer. Not a murder mystery, but a hefty slice o f life - not pretty, but real. I like this author's use o f w o rd s- almost poetic. An example in the first story. “To Love In M adrid", told In the first person. Santiago, a gay Colombian, twenty-five year old poet states: 7 also went to M adrid to self-destruct. I wanted to die young like Sylvia Plath. Ilm l Hendrix, lanls lo p lln . I wanted to Immolate m yself while w riting dazzling, scorching poems; like lanls lo p lln . I wanted to sp lit from this w orld with a shattering c ry." I have to be honest. I got confused by the story line or llne(s). Too much time and detail were spent on secondary characters. The convention o f having the second story, Papa's Corpse" as a story by Santiago told In first person like the first story added to my confusion. It took pages to realize the first person wasn't Santiago. More confusing was the use o f bold print on some, but not all Spanish words. I didn't understand why they where bolded, as there were no translations o f these words. It was a bit o f a distraction, to say the least. lamle Manrloue Is a realist who doesn't idealize life, but describes what he sees In detail. The lives o f his characters are g ritty; full o f turm oil; ups and downs; surprises - good and bad. I did feel the last story, “The Day Carmen Maura Kissed Me” was disconnected from the other stories. Maybe fleshed out, It might work if there were a stronger link. Like all writers, me Included, lamle spends more time on plot direction and scenarios. His characters are developed, but he has a lot to say In a short time. There are a lot of voices In these stories that want to be heard. I am going to look for more from this author to get a better feel for his style.

p reviou s two bo o ks reviewed by S tin g in g N e ttle V ancouver, B.C .

Rotello, Gabriel. Sexual ecology: aids and the destiny of gay men. Dutton, Penguin Books: N.Y., 1997. Hardbound, 320p., $24.95 “ Sex aside, people have trad itio nally had m ajor problems m ain tain in g a perfect com m itm ent to any diffic u lt behavior change ” T h is is a must-read book Y o u won t like it, but lik in g it is really not the point. Rotello, you remember, wrote a piece on oral sex in R F D #80. He takes on fucking in this book, and in doing so rips up a bit o f gay culture. Basing his conclusions on the “ new" gay culture (after Stonew all, 1969), and epidem iological studies, he identifies the enem y o f gay m en and A ID S

gay men, essentially

R otello is te llin g us, ham m ering away at our hard-w on gay sensibilities, to - stop it, already! H e is cogent, strident. Easy to tell he loves us. A fte r a ll, he is us, and we is h im A nd, that is, m y dears, the point: what we do affects all o f us (every hear o f chaos theory?) A ID S w ill not go away as long as gay m en continue to rack up sex partners lik e so m any cocks (o r buns) in a ro w . C ollectively, wc hate condoms, and few er and few er o f us use them regularly H ave you fucked w ith a condom E V E R Y tim e since, say. 1979? N aughty boy, you! W e slip up every tim e w e slip in uncapped, and ruin our collective lives. C an one be goodly gay and not fuck? W e ll, does a bear eat porridge? T ry it. Just say no. A lth ou gh sucking is safer, much safer w ith a condom, it is not en tirely safe w hen you th in k o f other infections one can get from slurping on a savory stick. R em em ber herpes? Gonorrhea? Sexually transm itted infections get transm itted w herever there are body fluids to transm it them. A nd , people w ith S T I’s arc more susceptible to H IV . N ot exactly a fun read, huh? H ere are two exam ples from R o tello ’s book: A study by C olum bia U n iv e rs ity ’s School o f Public H ealth, o f H I V case transmission in N ew Y o rk C ity , based on one episode o f

Wilcox, Michael. Benjamin Britten’s Operas. 1997 Absolute Press: Somerset, England. U.S. $9.95. Paperback 95 pages

“unsafe” sex (fu ck in g sans condom ), per year per gay m an, suggests that the pcrceptage o f gay men infected w ith H I V could drop from 4 0 % (1991 rate) to about 5 % in the year 20 30. H ow ever, i f that one episode became two per year, H I V in fection w ould actually increase to

According to the book jacket, “Outlines Is the first series o f books to explore and portray the various and often unexpected ways In which homosexuality has Informed the life and creative work o f the Influential gay and lesbian artists, writers, singers, dancers, composers and actors o f our time. The Individual pro file s w ill add up to an unofficial, candid and entertaining short history o f lesbian and gay art. life and sex. " OK. so I ain't an opera Queen. I knew o f Britten and his music, but that was about It. I didn't learn much more from this book either. I now know he was openly gay, was a repressed pedophile and his operas pushed people's buttons. This book Is a very sketchy plot o u tlin e / biography/ music and history lesson. The author, with all good Intentions, assumes the readers already know the operas, Britten and attitudes about homosexuality during his lifetime. This book teases you with bits o f Information, but only to a point. Maybe If I were more fam iliar with these things it would have been more of a refresher course. And a short one at only ninety-five pages.

between 5 0 % -6 0 % in 20 30! A nd , recent surveys reveal that gay men arc actually having more unsafe sex w ith more partners than they were in 1991! Further, there is an enormous difference in risk between men having m ultiple partners in serial “ m u ltip artn cr” (one at a tim e ) or concurrent “ m ultipartn cr" (in terch ang ing partners) fashion M e n w ith concurrent partners can have a rate o f infection transmission from 10 to 100 tim es higher than those w ho have serial partners T a ke "Joe” and “T o m ” as exam ples Joe fucks w ith tw elve men

a year

and sees

them intcrchangably throughout the year, w h ile T o m , w ho also fucks w ith twelve men a year, docs so one at a tim e, being fa ith fu l to each o f his lovers in turn. Both become H I V infected, say, in October o f that year, w hich makes them very infectious W h ile T o m , w ho fucks only w ith his Novem ber and Decem ber partners for the rest o f the year, can possibly infect only the two o f them , Joe, w ho may fuck w ith a ll 12 o f his partners in N ovem ber and D ecem ber, m ight possibly infect them all They , in turn, can So, should we all become nuns? T h in k o f the dram a, such lovely black and w hite! W e ll

does not want us to become nuns (at least, not A I.L o f us)

wearing

it is a choice H ow ever, RoteUo

Whaf he

depressing glimpse of virtual facades and people who assume an alternate electronic Identity and "the crash as they fall back Into themselves" in 976-CHAT.

w ould like for us. what he researches so carefully for us. is to do the ecologically correct thing - w hich should be a cinch for us R F D readers who are so into conservation, the environm ent - you know saving things C an we ta lk 9 A rc we ready to become the best queers we can

SOFTWARE (tits, pits and shits) TRASH by Linda Smukler takes us on a breathless drive at lunch to clean up the evidence o f a marital indiscretion, and a taste for memories. Surprise short pieces from W alt Whitman and Emily Dickinson and a few gems from the editor himself about the smell, and taste and feel o f various body fluids and solids grace this section also. |im Cory's FEET Is a poem that doubles as a how-to o f erotic foot massage. If you get nothing else from this book but this one poem, consider the price money well spent. Read it to a partner who likes having their feet massaged, and y o u 'll be sure to get laid.

be? Th en , dears, we must - A vo id places which increase the opportunity and frequency o f sexual and drug contacts (for some, it could be church, fo r most o f us, these places are baths, bars/discos w ith back rooms, sex m ovies - places where men cruise for sex); - B uild, w ith our brothers and sisters, non-sex venues w here we can meet each other, - D rastically cut down on numbers o f sex contacts (fin d a boyfriend - i f not for life, then for a m onth - and be fa ith fu l for that m onth); - Not get sexy under circumstances when we w ill throw caution - like chiffon - to the w ind, letting thoughts o f latex flu tte r away (this means not losing your head over substances or an yth in g else); - Be honest w ith others concerning our H I V status (your partner is,

GAMES WE PLAY (muses, ruses and bruises)

after all. your fam ily );

C'MON JACK, an offering from the late Allen Ginsberg, begs for a spanking and a fucking. CONSTRUCTIVE INSTRUCTIONS, by Dan Diamond, tells us that sometimes gratification is best served as the dessert course. Elissa Wald's A MASOCHISTfS LOVE SONG reminds us that role-playing Is a two-way street: "I'm only what you and I made me. I couldn't be more o f your whore If you paid me — ."

- Support gay unions and any legislation w h ich rewards monogamy (even i f you feel a tw inge that it trades o ff o f nongay traditions straight is not all T H A T bad after a ll, th a t’s how you came to be...); - Begin to change this very m inute, starting w ith that most singular o f sensational persons: yourself] W ow ! R otello argues carefully each point, citin g studies, numbers, theories.. but, w ere you really surprised at the answer to H I V

HARDWARE (bikes, spikes and turnpikes)

eradication? D oesn’t it make sense that m ore partners means m ore risk

Beginning with love of motorcycles (HARLEY D AVIDSON by Harold Norse), eroticlzation o f w orking on y o u r car (CHANG ING THE OIL by Elolse Klein Healy), this section ends with self-m utilation (SCOTT by Vytautas Pliura), menstrual blood (sang bruld a la mode by Ruan Bone) and necrophilia (ANNABEL LEE by Edgar Allen Poe).

means higher chance o f infection means quicker disease and death? D oesn’ t it m ake sense that, i f you hate condoms so m uch that you do not use them E V E R Y tim e you m igh t fin d som ething else to do w ith your partners? Is n ’ t it logical that the m ore tim e you spend w ith one partner the more you increase the chance o f fin d in g true in tim acy and love? W e ll begun, then, is h a lf done! - review by Fran k E. G rant

FAMILY A N D PETS (dads, dugs and dogs) Unresolved father issues (Frank's father used to take him out by the editor and D A D D Y by Michael Lassell), dads that did and dads that didn’t. Dogs who don't care (THE FAMILY DOG by Edward Field, A D O G FOR THE KINSEY STUDY by Paul Mariah and TOUCHING YOU by DS Lawson). Cats that are annoyed (JERKED OFF by Peter Orlovsky) and cats that can turn anything sexual (COITUS FELINUS by the editor) round out the anthology.

Between the Cracks, the Daedalus Anthology o f Kinky Verse edited and with photos by Gavin Geoffrey Dillard. Daedalus Publishing, San Francisco. 1996.

354 pages. Softcover. $18.95 US. Having been a solitary partner to Gavin Geoffrey D illard in print and video for some time, I was glad to see this book arrive for the review. As I recall, he had some poems published In a back Issue o f RFD. This collection of kinky verse intrigued me. In the foreword. Mr. D illard says he let the genre define itself by putting out a call for kinky and then sorting through what came in.

Mr. D illa rd includes 12 o f his own photos interspersed in the book. Some of these photos are artistic and thought-provoking (“Anonymous Poet" page 37 - a nude figure on a windy seashore, wrapped in a wet sheet, tied with cords, face covered, genitalia only poking through a hole). Others are strangely beautiful and m ildly disturbing ("Anna Bergman" page 189 - a beautiful woman with hypodermic needles sans syringes pierced through the skin of her bicep and chest skin, woven together by string). Two made me laugh: ( ")ules Mann 'page 101 - a laughing nude woman, lying on the flo o r o f a shower, a pint of chocolate Ice cream m elting down her belly and crotch, and “ The Dog" page 153 - a nude man on all fours, with a stick In his mouth). The Biographies appendix, with a little blurb about each featured poet, was much appreciated.

The artistry Is In that sorting. Gavin has put together a volume which would put Oscar W ilde proud. “I do hope that everyone w ill find something to be offended by." he wishes the reader. He has defined categories with subtitles that sift through these nuggets and group them by theme: EXTERNALS (spats, chaps and tats) Lynn Goldfarb s POEM W ITH AN A TT ITU D E warns us that appearances can be deceiving as she points out that what an observer may think is the nice g irl, straight, polite, frig id “You've never seen me In my half-zipped black |eans w riting dyke poems topless In the m oonlight.” Thaddeus Rutkowskl. in SOCK M AN shows the sneaky perv (and I mean that In the most non|udgmental way) who Is responsible for all those socks that you KNOW went Into the diyer but weren't there when you came back for them. Charles Webb gives us a

Ify o u can't find something to o ffendyou in this b o o k.you're not trying. Some of these poems may make you uncomfortable and some may makeyou horny. Having them all In one place Is a work o f love. Thanks to Gavin for the effort and the enjoyment that this book brings.

Reviewed by Ed Townley, aka Billy Pilgrim, Texas S4

David 'Jesse* Geisheker

All Roads Lead to Sex SB

T aro

M o m a n d D a d w e re s tric t a b o u t n o p la y in g In th e h o u se , b u t o u ts id e , w e c o u ld d o w h at w e lik e d .

It s e e m s w e

sp e n t a ll o f s u m m e r in that p o o l, c a llin g o u t to e a ch o th e r.

by JanNathan Long

Marco, Polo. W e n e ver s p o k e , n o t eve n w h e n w e sw am la p s b e s id e e a ch o th e r, ra cin g , o r w h e n w r e s t lin g in th e w a te r. H e alw ays w o n th e race, a n d beat me at th e w re s tle .

H e w as

a lm o s t tw ic e my s iz e th e n , w ith a rm s s t r o n g e n o u g h to lift m e o u t o f th e w a te r an d th ro w m e in to the a ir.

I re m e m b e r,

I w o u ld c ra s h d o w n th r o u g h the s u rfa c e o f th e w a te r lik e a b u ild in g fa llin g .

S u b m e rg e d , w a te r s p illin g in t o my h e ad

fro m eve ry w h e re , I fe lt as th o u g h I w a s in a w o m b .

And

th e n p u s h in g u p o u t o f it, s h a k in g my h e a d a n d s n o r t in g w a te r o u t o f m y n o s e a n d m o u th , it w as lik e b e in g b o rn a ll o v e r a g a in . It w as th e s u m m e r b e fo r e T a r o g o t h is firs t m o t o r c y c le , b e fo r e th e m o v e . tw e lv e .

H e w a s s ix te e n , I w as a lm o s t

B u t I fe lt as th o u g h I w o u ld c a tc h u p t o him , as

th o u g h I w as b e c o m in g o ld e r , fa s te r tha n he w as.

I w as

c e r ta in o n e day I w o u ld b e ju st lik e h im a n d w e w o u ld s w im s id e by s id e , w r e s tle fo r h o u r s w ith n o o n e w in n in g , a n d s p e n d th e days c a llin g , M a r c o a n d P o lo , c a t c h in g e a ch o th e r, a n d th e n c a llin g o u t a g a in . It’s s u m m e r now , fiv e y e a r s la te r.

W e r e o n th e

b a c k p o r c h o f o u r p a r e n t’s h o u s e , b u t it ’s a d iffe r e n t h o u s e , n o p o o l.

Even i f th e re w as, w e w o u ld n ’t s w im to g e th e r

now .

H e 's s it t in g a c ro s s fro m m e, rig h t here, d r in k in g a

b e e r.

I’m d r in k in g o n e , to o .

W e 'v e b e e n s it t in g h e re fo r an

h o u r, d r in k in g , h im s m o k in g h is c ig a r e t te s w ith th o s e to u g h , g re a s e - s ta in e d h a n d s.

M o m ’s in w a s h in g u p th e

d in n e r d is h e s a n d D a d ’s d o w n p la y in g o n h is c o m p u t e r . It’s ju st T a r o a n d me, w a t c h in g th e s u n s lo w ly g o d o w n . T h e s u m m e r is b u z z in g lik e n e o n , a n d I fe e l h im w a t c h in g m e. T a r o leave s e v e iy tw e n ty m in u te s o r so, to g e t a n o th e r bee r, a n d alw ays asks i f I w a n t o n e , to o .

I’ve

b e e n s a y in g y e s , b u t I’ m d ru n k n o w , s lu r r in g w o r d s .

I can

t e ll b e c a u s e h e is m a k in g fu n o f m e. b e e r firs t a n d o ffe r to g e t him o n e . It’s s tra n g e h o w c h ild h o o d d re a m s a n d d ru n k e n

I w a n t to

k e e p u p w ith him , lik e it ’s a test, a ne w ra ce w e have.

T h is tim e . I f in is h my

In th e k itc h e n , I f ill u p

m y o ld b o ttle w ith w ater, p u ll o u t a fre sh o n e fo r h im a n d g o b a c k o u t s id e .

m o m e n ts b lu r to g e th e r in m e m o ry lik e p la n ts o n th e s id e o f

W e a r e n ’t ta lk in g m u ch , th e c o n v e r s a tio n

s u rfa c e s o n c e in a w h ile , lik e a w h a le th a t ris e s o c c a s io n a lly th e h ig h w a y as y o u s p e e d p ast.

I re m e m b e r m y b r o t h e r

o u t o f the w a te r fo r air. I'm s e v e n te e n n o w .

T a r o , th o s e lo n g days w e s p e n t t o g e th e r in th e p o o l b e h in d

T a r o ’s s t ill fiv e y e a r s o ld e r

than me, b u t it fe e ls lik e a d iffe re n t fiv e y e a r s , an a m o u n t o f o u r h o u s e , p la y in g M a r c o P o lo .

H e ’d c lo s e h is eye s a n d

tim e I can n e v e r c a tc h u p to. a d is ta n c e th a t w ill alw ays stay b e tw e e n us.

c a ll o u t “M a r c o ” a n d I w o u ld re s p o n d . “P o l o ” , a n d th e n

It sta rte d that fa ll, th e day o u r fa m ily m o v e d

o u t o f th e o n ly h o u s e I h a d e v e r k n o w n , m o v in g t o th is n e w d a s h aw ay as he lu r c h e d fo rw a rd to ta g m e.

I w as b e in g

c h a s e d — p u r s u e d — b y th e o n e b e y I w a n te d t o b e.

o n e . h e re in the c o u n t y .

D a d w as r e t ir in g fro m th e navy

a n d w a n te d to b e o u t o f th e s u b u r b s .

W hen

M o m s a id sh e

th o u g h t th e s c h o o ls o u t h e re w o u ld be s a fe r fo r T a r o a n d h e fin a lly t o u c h e d me. w h e n I b e c a m e H. I w o u ld lu n g e in

m e.

th e d a rk n e s s , my eyes s q u e e z e d sh u t, s e a r c h in g fo r him .

A lm o s t e v e y t h in g w a s in b o x e s .

A l l th a t

re m a in e d in th e liv in g ro o m w a s th e so fa, a p ile o f b o x e s —

W h a t a n ig h tm a re fantasy: b lin d e d , re s tra in e d t o a s lu g g is h

h a lf o f th e m em pty, h a lf o f th e m fu ll— a n d th e la rg e w a lk by th e d e n s ity o f w ater, s e a r c h in g fo r th a t o n e b o dy,

P e r s ia n ru g my D a d h a d b o u g h t w h e n h e h a d tr a v e le d th r o u g h A s ia w h ile s ta tio n e d in S in g a p o r e .

h e ld c a p tiv e In th e tin y a o p a tic u n iv e rs e , a lo n e w ith me.

The moving men had been coming in and out all dav. Taro and f were w restling on the sofa, knowing that for the first time In our lives the room no longer embraced the rules Mom and Dad had upheld there for so many years. It was all dismantled, no longer a room where we lived our lives. We both felt It. But after only a few minutes. Taro pinned me down and told me we had to Quit. I wanted to keep playing, but I said. "Okay * As soon as he released my arms, though. I jumped on his back again, laughing. Taro grabbed my arms, his hands tight against my wrists. He picked me up and carried me across the room, like I w'as something he had caught on a line, and threw me in one o f the empty moving boxes. I collapsed Inside and before I could stand up. he had closed and folded the flaps. “Tarol” I yelled.

“Be Quiet, or I'll tossyou around," he said. I kept yelling his name, wanting to get out. so he lifted one corner of the box and then another, tumbling me every which way. I felt like I was in a clothes drier, my body sweaty from wrestling, hitting the dry cardboard walls of the box. The heat of my breath filled the dark space. Dots of light came from the corners and seams, but my head was being thrown around too Quickly for me to see out of them. Taro didn't stop and I became scared. The dry, paper walls scratched my skin as I tumbled and tumbled. I started to feel sick. I thought o f trying to jump out o f the box. but which way was up? I decided then to push In every direction, and suddenly. I bound out o f the box. onto the rug. The cool expanse o f that once-living room. The wool thistles o f the carpet hairs. The frightening g litte r o f light. Then, Taro was on top of me. I lay there belly down, exhausted and resigned, his weight on top, smothering me. W ith his whole body on mine, he started saying something to me, but I couldn't hear it with the pound of blood In my ears. I started counting down from ten, as though I was being put under sedation. Or was it him counting, the wrestler’s count down? I S Q U lrm ed to m a k e sure I was conscious, to make Taro believe I had not completely surrendered. But I found myself smiling, too, resigned beneath his warmth and sweat, and a sleepy exhaustion. I felt myself press, not down Into the earth, but

up against the weight o f his body, to feel It more. This was my brother. Taro. I realized then that what I wanted was not to become him. but to be next to him, |ust as we were. Then there was that noise. I heard the men. older men, the distinct roughness of older men's voices. I felt my world move, not from above, but from below. We were being rolled up into the carpet, up into ourselves. The wool o f the fabric burned my neck and now some o f Taro's bones— his elbow, his h ip 7— were pressed almost violently into my back. The bundle tightened and I heard the old men's laughter. Taro didn't say anything, he just breathed into my neck. A ll I felt was the momentum and pressure of the carpet and Taro's breath. I couldn't see anything; It was darker than being In the box. and there was no air at all. But everything was all right for that moment, with Taro there. The men had called our dad in, said. "We found them there like that," and then laughed some more. As soon as we were free and standing. Taro pushed me against the sofa. hard. I fell and stayed there, w aiting for him to leave. I was sure he knew- then what I wanted. Soon after that. Taro turned seventeen and Dad bought him the motorcycle he wanted. He made dirt trails In the fields behind our new house, riding the bike all day. By spring, his arms had grown thick from steadying the weight of his bike; his walk was stiff, trying to hide the injuries he'd taken, there out back. Then, at the start of summer, Taro got his license and on most days after school he rode back into the city to visit his old friends. I hardly saw much o f Taro those last two years he lived with us. Now it's only once a year, for one of his short visits, like this one. Taro is staring out over the porch railing at the fields he used to ride through. Now he has a big chopper, a 750 something, only rides on the road. It’s late now. the sun just disappeared and Mom's gone to bed. But Taro and I are still out here on the porch, bearing the cold and mosQuitoes in just shorts and tee-shirts. He's not even talking any more. I've finished three bottles o f water already, but I still seem to be getting drunker. The five or six beers I had before I stopped seem to be taking me down. My head is pulsing, as if I were riding a speed boat across a deep lake somewhere In the wilderness, alone.

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W e A il Need Somebody W e think o f ourselves as being Quite strong,

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T h e W in n e r s

always able to manage, succeed, get along; and, able to carry any weight, any load, no m atter how difficult and rocky the road,

o f R F D 's

that we can any tim e, any place no matter how tortuous and grueling the pace

1st A n n u a l

carry ail our burdens within ourselves, without turning for help to anyone else. But, we all need somebody with whom we can share

R u r a l F ic tio n C o n te s t

that which is common and that which is rare, that which is good and that which is bad, that which Is joyous and that which is sad,

w ill b e a n n o u n c e d

someone to listen to our worries and fears, a shoulder to lean on while we shed our tears.

in th e n e x t is s u e —

W e all need somebody who w ill touch our hand, who w ill hear what we re saying and liy to understand, who will be w illing to share, be attentive, aware,

W in t e r # 9 6

who will listen to words we would never have dared to utter to any one else in the world.

Staccato R. Burris

b a rs CalfCo RocK, AR 72519 • John Harrell 83873 W, 5 5 ,5‘fT, 170, bu.br, T. Kind, canng. extremely lobing Passionate top and bottom Navy vet Warts relabonshp with nice young man who is kind good at heart hubmissive and loving. W, A. LA, Euro. Photo please All answered

AZ State PrBon-Eym an, Florence. AZ • Edward Brown 84721-B3400 23, 58*, 180, bufa. Seeking an honest, up to rt man to correspond with I have 18 months til my release. I'm a good hearted person wrfth a positive attitude and outlook All answered

P,Q. fo s 5002, Cab p afria, CA 92233-$% •Hilton Booker C-38855 13 1/2* of black cock slicing down your throat I’m 41, truthful and seeking a LTR. All genders and races. My website WWW Love-Penn.com/hilton.htm. e-mail: Hiton@Love-Penn.com

• James Parkinson J-13622 Into computers and Sd-Fi, classical music andoutdoor activities. Looking for some triends to write to. • Narong Pormruksa H-21857 26, 5'9*, well-built, thai-American. Looking someone in good shape, study, fatherly and will be a friend throucfi my prison term and after. Will swap photos. •Sean Richardson H-78288 W, 28, b/bl. Looking for someone to wite to. I'm in until 2001 fa drug charges,

Box 290068, Bepressa, CA 95671

S K I N N

E R

•Staccato Burris C02324-C2113 B. 35. I’ve been in for 23 years and I'm getting out soon I have no one on the outside and am looking for help I have my own frianctal resources but no onw to share them with Wrte ach check out my poem in thrs issue

• George Toth J 78888 If you are a submissive slave (her serving me is a must, fm the Cuke of Desire. your sexual fire. I'm the lord of lust in the world of domination I’m a master wbo'6 been bom , the King of Kinkiness, a Paragon of Pom. A Sultan of Secuation, my stills you can not measure I wil tram you properly. I am the Prince of Pleasure At the moment Tm in prison at the end of '98 111 be released So If I Ind you worthy, H put you on a leash.

---- -----

Guidelines fo r Responding to Pen Pal Ads The purpose o f the pen-pal listing is to o ffe r th e c o rr m r ity a t large th e opportunity to releve the pain and suffering th a t m o st inm ates endure. RFD assumes no responstofty fo r d am s m ade in these Brother Behnd Bars Istings, and we urge a l respondents to exercise caution, especially w ith any financial dealings. The RFD colecttve has agreed to : LJrrit th e rim b e r o f ads to under one huncked; try to include photos; n o t repeat ads; unpunished let ters w i n o t be returned. The co rrm irica tjo n sent us would n d c a te th a t th e prisoner Is gay or bisexual, and genuine In seeking correspondence as a p enpal. We welcome responses to these poides fro m a l readers, both prisoners and non-prtsoners.

PO Box 3030. Susanvaie. CA 96130 • Quawntay Adams K-3609 B, 22, tall, fit and handsome. In in search for some Pen Pals and tiends to have open ccnsversabons with. I pre fer TS&TGbut I’m open

• James Bryant C-48302 Christian prosoner vrith not living famly or tiends to write to. Seeking warm and caring peson or persons who don’t mind exchanging letters the old fashion way.

•G Lancaster C-81034 Lookingtor after gay mentowriteto P-0 B qx 2800 Vaca v lik CA • R. Yteko J15736 Look;rig to make contact with the outside world [> seen or appreciated.

P.O .B o x 3 P g ^ iQ ,0 0 ,81093 • Gregory Wair 8B348 W, 28, 6 1CT. 270, bribu. Interested in a lover who doesn't bit. I love anthng oral and anal and am HIV neg This w# be my first gay exprience.

• Dwight Robots 234522 “Back Top Prince’ 6 ? . 200, wel developed *3 legs* to toe I’m searing a sweet bottom mate for compassion, tnendsTsp and undarstandng. If your love is real, don’t biock the g a c *

•StevenShinwl 082850 W, 26. 5 tor, 160, brfai. WV-. ISOfriends and maybe a special person to share ife on release Bottom, warm hearted. passionate Write!

P.Q, Box 13Q yfew ahitohka FL 32465 «David Marshall 048282

P.Q BQ&41 Ms h fg n Cly . IN 4S3E1-W41 • Elijah Gayden 957136 B, 62*, 180, brown comptexton Enjoys readng. wrtong, poetry, sports and a good trend Not looking for games Serious replies only

• Di Richey 904777 W. 23 Muscuak , hairy stove owner If you wart to be owned and used. If you wart to wash© me then fm son to be released Only those worthy wA be excepted

•T knotty Smith 854951 hear cerate Black Beauty Bi-male. 32, 62* and hung like a horse! Seeks penmanship from sincere, b gay a transexual males If you've ever (teamed ot having a blade stafcon I have a 10* treat tor youlll Race and age unimportant

RT 1. Box 1 B lounts town. FL 32424 • David Mindy 569675

I prefer an older person because yang ones re too wid and Ike to play the field I wart someon to share the simple things in Ife with a walk, a movie. I am in good health and shape for someone in my early thirties

W, 6, 190, bttxi Attractive, avid musoan; guitar, piano, bass. Enjoys paintung, clawing and ail sports on laid and sea. Seeking friendship companionship and possi ble matue relationship No games.

•Blake Warren 66S632

♦Jams* Wesley 923311

W, S I T , 220, lifts weiefts I iketheoutdoas, nature and Tmctown to earth who's caring and understand^

Big, Bold and Black! Seeks GWM who wants a one on one relationship I’m a top man who is down to earth, ful ot love and honesty fm looking for that special man to laucfi, joke, talk and just be myself with. W ! answer all.

4455 S3m M fche jH > m Ch jrje y , FL 32428 • Pierre Mobo 137782 36, 5*6", 145, bt/bk, Aquarius, speak fluent French, Spainsih, and Encash. Bom in Haiti and raised in the south of France. I love readng and writing, working out, and keeping ft. My (team is to become a fashion designer on day. Looking to communicate with other gay men vfoo are sincere and honest and doesn’t have a problem being a friend wth someone in prison.

•Sheldon Thompson 116445 Incarcerated 27 yr old. Seeks conespondance with gay male to establish meaningful friendshtp/relationshtp. No time f a games, lies a the like. Only serious need reply. Will answer alll •AdamVardoux J04070 W, 23,6,154, bn/gn. Goodootdng, open minded enthu siast, seeking pen pais in hopes for monogamous rela tionship. Wide variety of interest

3950 Tiger Bay Bd, Daytona Beach. FL 32124 • Mark Fritechb 215090 T.C.I E1-115.

Would Ike to meet sonone who is not about the BS but tor real.

P.Q, Box 8409 Colunnt)U8.GA 31906 •Johnny Harrell EF-173428 W, 6'3’ , 220, brVgi. hairy muscular boefy. Would love to make friends. I like top a bottom and am very openminded Can tell staies of fun and games. Incarcerated but not a con man.

P.Q. Box 549 Helena. GA 31037 • Chriatopehr Gihstrap EF-325820 Bi-B, 23, 511’ , 197, attractive, and muscular. I’m very new to this lifestyle and am seeking soulmate to corre spond veth and m ae if we're compatible.

42a

PQ Box O glethorpe, GA 31068 •Jason Fetty EF-367276"- "3/ 5’ST, 145. I’m in search of that loving and caring man. If you would like to get to know all about me write soonl

P.Q. Box 349350. Florida C ity. FL 33034-

Single BJM, whe/s honest, open minded, masculine, sexy and super homy. Getting out soon and seeking a true hot young bottom vfto loves big masctiine Jewish guys

1150 S.W. A bpattah RD. Indiantow n, FL 34956 • Brandon Bolton 631530 Are you looking fa an ambitious, adventurous, openminded kinda guy? Here I am. Please wrte with a detailed introduction.

• Ronald Sakuli 905702

B, 30 ,6,17 0, well built, seeks a bottom boy to communi cate with and begin a serious relationship. Race is unim portant when the heart is pure. Please contact and let’s begin a loving relationship.

P.Q. Box 30 Pendleton IN 46064 •Jerry Brown 901920 W, 5'9*, 195, brVgi. Seeks someone to share my life wth and friendship and maybe relationship wth rkjit per son.

46391-0473 •R ic k Foreman 956304 W, 2 1 ,5‘fT, 146, brtgn I’m handsome and have a good sense of huma. I like to draw, cook and write poems I enjoy ail kinds of music. I'm looking for a pen pal ot any race, age 18-65. Will answer aH.

B, 32, SKY, 195. I enjoy al kinds of music and I like to cook I'm easy to get along wth. Photo gets mine.

P.Q. Box 6001 Ashland. KY 41105 • Ltody Marin 05205028 W, 33, 51(7,275, bi/bn. Beaded hairy, country bear is

• E. Hoidonfo EF-353641 If you're tired of the run aroucto and looking for a serious friendship lead ing to a long term relation ship then write me I'm young and know vifoat I wart in Die.

•Charles White 300913 •------- ------------------ > W, 33.195, bn/bu, stoutly tall. Personal interests indude seeing and doing new things, enforcing natural as well as spiritual parts of ife and opentog my eye6 to personal awareness of self and others.

W, 27, looking tor pen pais of any age a race

P.Q. Box 181 Starke. F I 32091 •Johnny McCray 207962

B. lam due out in July 1999 a sooner. Tm seeking that special person to shhare my thoughts with. Race doesn't matter I have a lot of love to gfve Let's rock each other’s world.

• Broderick Wbeson 922993

Young, hung and lonesome W rie

0305 • Laurance Hankri 0-938334 G-1110 up

•Jerry Young 90005

P.Q. Box 1111 CarlwteL IN 47838 •James A. Jones 854598 W, 35 6’, 185, bn/hz. Handsome man who Ike the out doors, fishing, camping, haseback ridng, waking in the yard and garden and lots m ae

seeking pen pals fa friendship. It's lonely in hael

P,0 .6 o » 5000 Eddw ilk KY *2038-0128

•Robert Taylor 40670

• David lta > 113519

W.24, s u r 160 rdbn. Hot, smooth, good looking, sin

W. 5*11*. 185, brvbn, geat body Searching far lasting rdahonsrtp Agefraceunimportart. Will answer all

cere and ionefy top. Out ^99. No head games and no drunks Older man a must to 55 Wiling to relocate

•Tarry Ayers 798T7

•Christopher Wrlliami 43914 W, 24, ff, 170, bkbu Healthy, actice and ready fa a new life with someone real, open honest and down to earth Seeking goocbearted person to exchange letters and all the love and wisdom in my heart. Age and looks

trm ass and an 81/2* codd fm ar exhibitionist at heart and love to show off my body I enjoy role playing and want to be spanked and dorr,rated fm looking fa a partner who wiB treat me Ike a good little fuck boy and share drty thought wth me.

B, 40, 5T , 175, sexy I'm looking tar someone who « very oopen and honest, and also very much looking ter a serious and LTR Being sincwe Is a must WTI answer ail

unimportant

•JeffCobart 123108 W, 29. S y , brv’bu. Very alone and no onw to write to W ll answer all

• Ptiif> Dickie 12Q215 W, 29, brVbn. In ©rceflent shape and seekjng loving pro fessional, educated alder male, WH send photo,

• Donnie Duke 106874 W, brVgn Masculine topwrth afafebc buid and in geat health seeks pen pals with non-judgementa! man with a vrflingness to share and gow throucji oommuncatior and a believer in romance, passion and laugrter Race unimportant

52? C om nw cer Drivo. E tcabslh C ity.N C 27906-5005 • Richie Sanborn f?

•Gerald McGowan 78433 W, 38, 165, bn/bn. Phy and emot ft. Into outdoors, sports, art, books, inteligent people. Seeks LT friendship and relationship Win reply to all.

• Bronald Johnson 85872 W,26. Looking for friendship and possible relationship N reply to all

•C. Jones 117047 W, fflCf 100, brvtou. Christian Seeking pen pals

W, 6*. 220, bn/bu. Top lodang for rig* guy to parole to In 2001 I enjoy working out, running cooking and a Id more Real please

• Donald Owngs 335422

W, 25. Looking fa friends and poesrbiy more. No head or heart games please. Release is 1999. Write!

Seeks someone to share my thoughts wth I’m HIV-, lonel y and wart to make a new start I’m into country music, soap spaas, cooking writing, readng and doing dfterent hings l;m a 100% bottom and nothing else. I’m

P;Q, Bqx 7P1Q Ch il l i , Q.H 45601 •S. Anderson 347-588

looking f a a good maa someone vho cares about the otha person. If you're write a hispanic between the

3 4 ,6 T , 220, bn.bn. Seeks to c d a your world wth adventure, repsect, honesty, sincerity, ecstasy and devo tion. Wish to correspond with someone wth tradtionai vautes and share serious and ntetigent corespordance. Cola my world! I await you

ages of 18-35 dop me a fine. I'm smoke and dug free and a light dinka. Write.

P.Q, Box 500 Boydton. VA 23917 •Tommy Stridder 178579

P.Q. Box 56 Lebanon QH. 45036 •WiliamCharles 337-250

W, 32, ST, 192, bdbu, bui. Love to ta k a lot. Need someone in my life. Photo sppredated. Write I'll answer all.

W, 28, 6\ 185, bdbu. Boyish locks and summers build. I’m kind, gentle, sincere, sinsitive, compassionate, and lonesome ISO an hones man to correspond with Released soon and will relocate.

•Ronald Hines 184-189 W, 30, S IT , 180, bn/bu Boy next doa type. I enjoy waking a i , swimming, music, nature, and the simple things in life. Seeking someone who i6 secure and m aaly stable. Honesty a must, all replies welcome.

P.Q. Box 200 H h to n .O K 73047

AJ W al 91424 Now that I've been here awhile I thought I woiJd see if • Rick Rhuto 123279 anybody would ike to write and let's trade and share W, 21, bl/bu. ISO GM 30-00, business orientated, sin world prob cere, financially stable. Serious replies only. lems as weti as ours and • Jesse Varner 127592 lifestyles B, 19,6,185 Seeks LTR and dreams and fanta P.Q, Bo* 1989 E fr.NV. 893Q1 sies... Hey • John Ailinger 40300 all you TV W, 30, 195, bUxj. Enjoys working out, mountain taking andTS a and love hours of loving se wh a submissive partner. aossLooking for love in a serious relationship dasas, I do beaded •Ken Kruse 29211 earrings and W, 34, 6 7 ’, 200. Seeks a very submissive, exclusive necklaces love slave I'm doing my last year and wish to Ind some with gass one worth my time. Only sincere need to reply beads and gem tones. • Robert Longer 26218 Also Do lots W, 33, SST, 180, bkbu. Looking tor someone spedal to c4 beaded spend a kttle time getting to know one another 25-7 a a ls and may apply my prices are very attractive just ike my beaded jewelry • Mtehael Rogers 27273 Craftmanshrp is the same each acfer I take pride in W, 27,6*, 175, rdbu Seeks sincere men who are willing what I dol So wrte and all letters wil get a reply. Sex, to help a young man make a new start in lie Honesty a culture, looks are net the issue. Friendship isl Hugs and must! kisses!

• Scott Stebar 48202

W, 37. 5' 10* 180, bdhz. I Ike music, rearing sports, out doors and fm realty just a one man person. I don’t ike bg crowds arid I’m dean cut, drink and dug free and want to live a simple and peaceful life.

W, 5 T , 130, brVbn. I want and need some attention

•CodyDurwi 118002 25, B 1*. 205. bkbu ISO serious LTR wrtun loving, easy going, opai hearted man. I don't cane what you look ike so long as you're honest with me.

R t 4 Box 1100 R ‘in r-iiM i TX 77583-8817 • Darren Audas 339657

777 Stanford Blvd. O ntario. OR 97914 * Dennis Davie 4781867 W, 26,

176, brVbu. I’ve got a tig^t smooth body,

1313 N. 13th AVE. W alla W alla. WA 99362 •TimMcGarvay 708926 W, 2 5 ,5’11*. 165, bdbu. Intelligent and sincere, articu late young man who is compietdy alone. Seeks a car ing, honest mon fa a sincere friendship.

P.Q. Box 3310. O sh kosh . W1 54903-3310 •Jamas Hnkle 253820 W, 23,5711“ 165, bdgr. Looking fa that special, sincere young man who loves horses and warts a real person in his life I prefer white and latin men.

•Johnny Ray Lee 274744 W, 3 0 ,5’3’, 135, bn/bu. I love NASCAR, country music, Ishing, readng Release is 7/2000. Originally from NC and plan to return thae.

• Mark Mosley 341946 B, 2 3 ,6\ 165. I'm looking fa a pason vho like TV/TS. Tm a voy caring person who seeks the same.

INMATES may submit their ad 30 words or less TO: RFD Brothers Behind Bars P.O.Box 68 Lberty.TN 37095 RACE-AGE-HEIGHT-WEIGHT HAIR COLOR-EYE COLOR W = White B = Black L = Lath NA = Native A = Asian Hair: ab = auburn bd = blonde bn * brown hz = hazel b k* black rd = red gy = grey Eye color: bu= blue g i = green bn = brown h z * hazel bk*black Inmates may submit their ad free Printed One Time Only Special Prisoner Subscription Rate $10.00 per year

communities Update

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re a s o n s

fo r

u s in g

th e

e r o tic

o f e r o t ic m a s s a g e c a u s e s a d e e p le v e l o f b o n d in g to d e v e lo p b e t w e e n th e in d iv id u a ls d o in g it.

d iffe re n t fro m th e t e a c h in g s o f th e y o g is , w h o s e t e a c h in g s c re a te a d ic h o to m y b e t w e e n th e in d iv id u a l a n d th e id e a l.

m a s s a g e th e w a y th a t w e d o . T h e g iv in g a n d r e c e iv in g

T h is is a n

im p o r t a n t p a rt o f d e v e lo p in g th e trib a l b o n d s th a t w ill c r e a t e th e s tro n g s p iritu a l c o m m u n ity th a t is n e e d e d to

tantra th e re is n o s u c h d ich o to m y .

It m u s t b e e m p h a s iz e d th a t T a n t r a is n o t a re lig io n .

h is u ltim a te p o te n tia l - th e c h a lle n g e is to u n d e r s ta n d that u n ity

n o t c o n c e r n e d w ith h o w in d iv id u a ls should b e h a v e in a b s tr a c t,

id e a l

way.

T a n tra

a g a in s t

c o n d e m n a tio n , s o it m u s t b e a g a in s t s e ttin g u p a rb itra ry id e a ls th a t f e w c a n m e e t.

S in c e f e w c a n m e e t t h e s e

id e a ls th e g ro u n d is s e t fo r h y p o c ris y . H y p o c r is y is th e s h a d o w o f e v e r y m o r a l s y s te m . E v e r y m o ra lity o f n e c e s s it y c r e a t e s can

not

liv e

it y e t

h y p o c r it e s o f t h o s e fe e l

th e y

s h o u ld .

and

a c c e p t it.

The

B u d d h is t e x p r e s s io n

P a d m e H um e x p r e s s e s it w e ll.

H y p o c r is y c a n n o t d is a p p e a r fro m th e e a rth un til all th e im p o s e d m o r a litie s d is a p p e a r w ith it. T a n t r a s a y s : th ro w a w a y th e m o r a litie s a n d liv e a c c o r d in g to th e w a y that

O m M an i

T h e J e w e l is in th e L o tu s O r a s J e s u s p u t it, th e

K in g d o m o f H e a v e n is w ith in u s. A ll th e g re a t te a c h e r s h a v e k n o w n th is truth - tha t th e

It is n o t e v e n a m o ra l s y s te m . It is s im p ly a w a y o f life. T a n t r a c a n n o t b e c a lle d a m o r a l s y s t e m b e c a u s e it is

For

E a c h p e r s o n is at o n e w ith

N ir v a n a is to b e fo u n d in S a m s a r a .

a c c o m p lis h th e g o a ls o f b u ild in g th is c o m m u n ity .

who

s ta n d a rd s

b e fo r e a n d k n o w tha t th is is th e w a y it w o r k s .

ju st the o p p o s ite - to e n jo y th e s e n s e s , im m e r s e o n e s e lf

som e

c o m m u n ity â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

r e m o v e t h e m s e lv e s fro m th e c o m m u n ity - p e r h a p s w ith o u t e v e r re a liz in g h o w it c a m e a b o u t.

M o s t y o g a s te a c h tha t it is th e g o a l o f s p iritu a l w o r k

S c h o o l.

a c t io n s b e c a u s e if th e in d iv id u a l c o n t in u e s in a c tin g c o n tra ry to

te re s t e d in life m u s t a ls o b e in te re s te d in s e x .

to o v e r c o m e all d e s ir e s , all p le a s u r e s .

It is n o t n e c e s s a r y to ta k e

s o m e s o rt o f p u n itiv e , c o n d e m n a t o r y a ttitu d e to w a rd th e s e

th e re . T a n t r a is c o n c e r n e d w ith s e x b e c a u s e it is th e

m akes

B e c a u s e T a n tra d o e s not b e lie v e in c o n d e m n a tio n , th e re

th e m to b e h o n e s t a b o u t th e ir a c tio n s th a n to b e h y p o c ritic a l

m o s t w id e ly k n o w n u s e o f th e te rm

re fe re n c e

T h e y c a n n o t d o that w ith in th e c o m m u n ity ,

c a n b e n o re c r im in a tio n s fo r th e ir a c tio n s s in c e it is b e tte r fo r

m e a n s to u s. The

A t the

b u t th e y m ig h t d o s o o u ts id e th e c o m m u n ity

u n d e r s t a n d in g o f

m e a n t b y th e te rm ta n tra a n d th e s p iritu a lity it

p r o m o te s ,

diet

s o m e difficulty w ith th is in itia lly a n d fe e l th e n e e d to c o n s u m e

b e g in w ith , N a s a la m

w h a t is

T h a t m e a n s that

s a m e tim e, w e a c k n o w le d g e tha t s o m e in d iv id u a ls m a y h a v e

a b o u t w h a t w e a r e d o in g To

A n e x a m p le that c o m e s to m in d is the ru le h e re at

D iv in e c a n o n ly b e k n o w n b y g o in g w ith in a n d fin d in g truth t h e r e in th e he art.

O n c e tha t truth h a s b e e n fo u n d th e n life

c a n b e live d to its fullest. A n d th is is a m o s t im p o rta n t le s s o n T a n t ra t e a c h e s that a b o v e a ll w e m u s t b e a liv e T a n t r a t e a c h e s u s tha t th e re is n o G o d e x c e p t L ife m o r e a liv e a n d y o u w ill b e m o r e d iv in e

W a lk a m o n g m e n

w ith tha t a w a r e n e s s that y o u a r e o n e w ith th e D iv in e a n d b e an

agent

in m a n ife s tin g

Heaven

E a rth .

That

th e

m e s s a g e o f T a n tra a n d o f th e c o m m u n ity o f N a s a la m . If y o u w o u ld lik e to k n o w m o r e a b o u t u s a n d o u r p la n s , p le a s e c o n ta c t u s at N a s a la m , R R 3, B o x 3 3 2 , F a ir G r o v e M O 6 5 6 4 8 . 4 1 7 -7 5 9 -7 8 5 4

n a s a la m @ a o l. c o m

A Manifesto from Down Under:

$ WHO ARE THE RADICAL FAERIES $ T O W A R D S A R A D IC A L FAERIE S A N C T U A R Y MAGIC We are a network o f urban and rural dwellers, workers, artists, drag Queens, pagans, organic gardeners, witches, political activists and more, who see Queers as people with their own culture, spirituality, and ways o f becoming.

We faeries are keen to explore our magical powers. Our ability to communicate, organize, to heal and create exceeds the lim itation o f mortal reality. We engage In meditation and group ritual to celebrate our selves. Magical awareness Is the connection to the immanent power In all o f us.

RADICAL SEX

Being radically (I. e. at the root) decentralized and antl-authorltartan we have no leaders. Each faerie is divine and speaks for himself. To be a faerie Is an act o f self definition.

It cums as no suprlse that faeries love sex. In sex, as In all things, we enjoy variety and sense the sacredness o f the experience. Our sexual relations are characterized by an enjoyment o f each others enjoyment.

W hile we have no dogma, there are common visions we share and celebrate. Some o f these are: a belief In the sacrcdness of nature and the earth, honoring the Interconnectedness o f spirit, an understanding that each one of us has our own path (or paths) which leads to the garden of who we are. and by uniting with each other In circles, gatherings and sanctuaries we can Increase the joy o f weeding and tending our gardens together, with a commitment to the process of a group consensus and a belief that we are each other.

GENDERFUCK We love trying on all sorts o f cioths/drag, often being possessed with the magic o f dressing up or down. Society often has confined notions o f clothing and gender. Exploring these boundaries It can be liberating and fun. POLITICS

FAERIES

Politically, faeries Incline toward cooperation. We protest against the abuse of power. When we come together, Faeries do so as a circle. We link all around, with neither a head or a foot, neither a leader nor a follower. We prefer to make decisions based on loving, caring, sharing consensus. We find that consensus serves our circles excellently.

As gay people we feel It is necessary to address the Question of our Identity. As a people we have ways that are peculiar to us, a language that characterizes us. We have our own past and, more Importantly, our own future We have searched through our childhood for clues to our special Identity and we have come up with the Idea of faerledom. As gay children we delighted In stories of faeries, those playful, magical, pansy-faced beings who assumed human shape. Some of us have been known as faeries throughout our lives to those around us. As faeries our aim is to explore our truth and celebrate our nature. We want to build real community on the fullest possible understanding of who we are.

We have many aspirations and Ideals which weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve discovered In our attempt to explore who we are and what we would like to become. However, we are not perfect In living them out. We experience anger and sadness and we have Internalized aspects o f the dog-eat-dog world. Faeries come together to examine their projections and their sense o f truth about who they are. We work to Integrate the dark side o f ourselves into our awareness. C O M M UN ITY

NATURE

W hile the radical faerie community In the U.S. has been gathering for around twentyyears, Australia has experienced Its own history of faerie gatherings, circles, communities and networking. The seeds o f interest for starting a sanctuary/communlty have been planted In northeastern N.S.W. If you are interested in this pro|ect or finding out more about the radical faeries, w rite to usl Tell us a b it about yourself. lames and Gary d P.O. box 1220 Lismore. 2480 NSW Australia e-mail mensnet@nrg.com.au

We feel a special connection to nature. Growing up wc played amongst the trees and stones as all children do. But unlike mortal children we still share thoughts and feelings with the trees and stones and vice versa. We walk between worlds recognizing ourselves as part o f the balance. Our experience In nature Is exhilarating, awesome and humbling. We know that when wc lose part o f nature's sacred theatre to the ravages of aggressive masculinity, we have lost a part o f ourselves. Faeries, therefore are curious, caring, and defenders of the land, living lightly on the earth.

RFd prints contact letters free of charge. We also provide a free forwarding service for reader who prefer not to publish t h e i r address. Donations, however , a r e greatly appreciated. We ask that your letters be brief (under 200 words) and positive in s t a t i n g y o u r preferences. Saying "no" to a particular trait or characteristic may unnecessarily offend a brother. We reserve the right to c o r r e c t spelling and edit as we see fit. Feel free to send a photo (B&W prints better) with your letter , and we will try to include i t . RFD assumes no responsibility for claims made in letters , and we urge all respondents to exercise caution, especially with any financial dealings. o

You and I...

I * th e x e a lo n e ig guy o u t th e x e

Are interested in relationships based on self-care, which includes: clarity, affection, listening, beauty, silence, dance and play. Carter

w onting to {rind a man who txu ly k n o w 5 the, m eaning o{, x e a l lo v e a n d commit,

26 yr old, G W M d iv e rs e

with singing eyes,

interests, complex thoughts,

m eat, th ro u g h the- l a d tim e * ad w e ll ad

gallant devotion, boundless passionate

the- g o o d l Axe y o u n o te in te x e d te d in

spirit, energetic charisma is looking for

w h a t h e had in hid h ea x t, th e lo v e h e

Mr. Charming. I'm a hopeful romantic in

PO Box 152

had to g iv e y o u , th a n hid a g e , lookd

an occasional tug of war with cynicism.

WolfCreek, OR 97497

ox w h a t m a te x ia t th in g * h e c a n g iv e

We might not change the world, but

y o u 1 W o uld y o u l i k e to *h a x e th e

maybe each others lives?

li^ e oir a GWM who liv e d i n th e w oo d*

Christopher Futch

educated, quiet, seek younger man

n e a x G xant'* Pad*, OR1 I am a 52 y / o

PO Box 1 9 8 9 - 3 6 2 1 4

to help with the grounds,- inside

guy who looed th e p e a c e a n d q u ie t

work, and driving. Your home

w h ic h I h a v e {jound h ex e o n M an iac,

would be attractive, well furnished,

M o u n ta in , * in c e my loved, S c o tt d ie d

quiet, cultural atmosphere. Many

( RFD #90 p g 4 1 -2 ) . I i i n d th a t th e

Two older men, distinguished, well

opportunities to work outside the

la c k ■ o^ m a te x ia t c o m io x t id moxe th a n

home and partially support your

m ade up i / y i l y

self. No gold diggers, only sincere, honest gentlemen with personality

th e p e a c e I {rind h ex e

o n my m o u ntain . I

am a L .P .N . who

xaixed *e v e x a t Ix e e d d o{, d o g *. I lo v e

Ely, NY 8 9 3 0 1

Hello from lush and green N .W . Oregon! My name is Rodney and I am an a ttra ct ive 3 6 y /o GWM in search of a potential husband. I am 5 '1 0 " tall, weigh 1 7 0 , dark brown hair, blue eyes, trimmed beard and moustache, very hairy body,

should reply. Check us out.

aU, a n im a l*, e d p e c ta U y hoxded, e n jo y

in good physical condition, healthy and

John

iyidhing, cam p ing , lo w lin g , lo n g w a lk *

monogamous. I am very stable, have a

5116 N .W . 51st Terrace

thxo ug h t h e w oo d*, m aking lo v e undex

Coconut Creek, FL 33073

th e * ta x *, c o a le d up in i/iorvt o i th e {fine w ith my loved,. 1 am lo o k in g {jox a g uy to lo v e , *o m e o n e who w i l l hopesirully gxow to lo v e me in xetuxn. I am H IV - , * e e k *a m e , o p e n to a ll. lo v e i *

good job, nice home in the country, and ready to settle down with the right man. Alas I am still single but seeking sincerity, honesty, communication, stability, spiritual and ethical values

I do not smoke

or do drugs. I love indoor and outdoor

m o *t im p oxtant to me.

gardening, hiking all animals, movies, TV,

L e e Gaxxidon

music, travel, history, cooking, and quiet

PO Box 97

evenings at home. I am a nice average

M e x lin , OR 97532

guy who is kind, considerate, sensitive, loving and organized. I am attracted to masculine men with a personality, who are not afraid to love or show emotion

Vi ' /' { £

7 75 63

Relocate here! I'm a good catch! Rodney D. Johnson 3 2 9 9 4 S .W . Oakview Court Cornelius, Oregon 971 1 3 -6 2 3 1

Hi guys,

GWM, 4 4 , b r/b l, average looks, mercurial conversationalist. ISO transdemographic pen-pals who might welcome a mix of frolic and philosophy

If it had been left

to me to determine the outcome of the Wilde trials, the man would have walked out of the court room free as a bird. I neither smoke nor vote Republican. Could do without the bar scene, malls, and censorship. Prefer gentle pagan males (radical gay Christians ok, if there are any) — rural, urban, or other. Unafraid of candid talk about sex and can be playful and serious both. Big on reading and music and am drawn to the arts - - and nude beaches,

'Looking for Mr. Right"

I'm a white, male, “gay of course". Looking

Wanted: 1 8 - 3 0 , masculine, in shape,

for meaning, happiness and friends. I'm

straight acting 4 appearing totally

also wanting to relocate. I love the outdoors,

bottom guy. Prefer healthy, drug-

gardening, camping, hiking, fishing, e c t...

smoke free, to be son or younger

I also am searching for a meaningful, loving,

brother to business executive in 4 0 's ,

trusting relationship with someone who knows

I’m only looking for one exceptional

they are special. Far away from the city life

guy for long term relationship.

is suitable or in it is fine. So long as there

Sincerity, sense of humor and intell

is real companionship. Will answer all letters.

igence as well as ability to love

Visitors wecome. In s p irit...

most important. Send detailed letter

Allen Craig

with photos (at least 1 in swim suit/

C /0 RFD # 9 5

briefs). Photos returned. J.C . C /0 RFD # 9 5

tho I am as shy as I am curious. W rite from across states / time zones / countries if you want to swap stories, ideas, and recommendations for reading, music, 'zines and film. If any of this strikes a chord, send word. Good steps to all. Crusoe P .0

Box 5 3 4 4 3

Indianapolis, Indiana 4 6 2 5 3

GWM, 4 5 , 5 ’ 1 1 ", 1 80lbs, b r/b r, HIV* seeks friendship or possible relationship with a gay brother of freedom and spirit. I'm S eattle based, yet travel within the Northwest region and to the Southwest and Mexico in winter

Interests include

swimming, camping, reading, metaphysics and spirituality.

Dear RFD Friends, Here we are again, still looking for the right couple to live and work on our 5 0 acre waterfront goat farm in Virginia. Actually we find it hard to believe that there aren't any like minded couples who would like a free 3BR mobile home and great meals and a small salary in exchange for

Loren Meissner

helping us with the day to day operations

PO Box 7 5 3 5 2

and cheesemaking. There were a few of

S eattle, WA 9 8 1 2 5 - 0 3 5 2

you that responded a fter we had decided

(2 0 6 )4 9 9 -6 8 7 7

F a e r ie a n d P a g a n f r ie n d ly UIM, 26.

to give up the search and would love to

Lmeissne@eskimo.com

hear from you again.

'\ iJr

5 ’9 ",

Bean.

195. lo n g r e d h a ir e d ,

in o w n e g a d , ie a r d e d , f a i r l y

m a s c u lin e ,

We are looking for a Gay male couple,

ie s p e c ta c le d , m o d e ra te ly h a ir y , w ith a

age unimportant, that want to have a

nice, smile,. In te llig e n t , a r tic u la te ,

terrific life in the country. There's lots

wanm, sensuous, hum orous. n a tu r e

of play time, but the animals need to be

lo v in g Ursus, in a n u n io n s e llin g .

tended and the gardens and the cheese

C u rre n tly w o rk in g as a p ro fe s s io n a l,

need constant attention. We aren't looking

i u t w i l l i e re tu rn in g to s c h o o l th is

for sex partners.

f a l l to study th e a te r . A c tiv e i n the,

If you have your act together, are honest, hardworking and love the country, give us a call, e-m ail or snail mail. In Peace, Love and Light. Bob and Jeff Drinking Swamp Farm

ic o n m ovem ent. In te re s ts inclu de, m ovies, f ilm h is to ry , c o rresp o n d en ce,, c o n v e rs a tio n , re a d in g , p o p u la r c u l t u re , th e outdo ors, c o o k in g g iv in g massages, a n d k is sin g . L o o kin g f o r p e n p a ls , frie n d s , m a y le m o re ...

PO Box 57

F a c ia l, io d y a n d lo n g h a i r a r e a l l

Haynesville, Virginia 2 2 4 7 2

pluses l o t n o t musts. A ll ages a n d

(8 0 4 )3 9 4 -3 5 0 8 Goatboy@sylvaninfo.net http://hom epages.sylvaninfo.net/drinkingswam p

e th n ic itie s w elcom e.

CMB 1 1A L in d e n S tre e t, Apt 1 AUston, M ass. 0 2 1 3 4

I have two requests of readers I have a small motel for sale and as soon as it sells I wish to live m the TN or KV area in the country within 1% hrs from a hosotai (in case I need one). Td like to be m wooded hilly country with a stream on at least 5 acres

I want to create a

rustic writers paradise open to 'fremds'

Pm looking for someone to sell/distribute small paperbacks that I've w ritten

They

are fiction based on real life situations

My name. to J . ixJollrgang H. Ridden,

and characters (gay) without swearing,

I cun 52 yo , 6 '5 " , # 9 2 , ie a n d , vcg& -

sex scenes, graphic violence

ta n io n , no n -'u n o ke n /d n in ke n . I te a c h

Few people

can put them down once they start

Ru/ysian, P o lis h a n d E n g lish in an In s titu te , oir FuMhen A d u lt S V o c a

reading as they touch on many memories

t io n a l T ra in in g in a m iddle-sized.

(or near memories for most of us). Low

Genman to w n neon Hanooen. Outside-

cost.

my jo t- I U k a C la s s ic a l m usic, g o o d

Wilbur Kalmke Kalrnke Books

ix ic tio n a n d c o lle c tin g m a p s/tu n ct a llc s . My s e x u a l n a tune is do m in ant

1 9 6 Marveline Dr.

a n d I lik e , to m eet a s u lm is s io e man

Lakeland, FL 3 3 8 1 5

oven 3 5 , also w ith a lo v e ly beand. I

WFKalinke@aol com

h a v e no p \ a - c o n c e iv e d id e a s on p xa -

FAX 9 4 1 - 6 8 6 - 7 7 2 0

ju d ic e s but lo v e to m eet e d u c a te d men {/com a l l e th n ic s w ith d e f in ite

Dear Rural and lu rry faeries. Now that peace seems to have come at last to Northern Ireland (let s keep our fingers crossed). I would like to welcome any rural, non-smoking, veggie, dog loving and maybe lurry types who may be heading in this direction to my little wooden lodge on the edge o f a very small and picturesque village about 30 miles south of Belfast. I cook well, play a wide variety o f interesting music (on tape and CD), and am very into hugs, cuddles and snuggly times. I am bearded. 36. and I like the company o f older and egregious men. There are mountains, beaches, lakes, sea. woods and prehistoric things nearby. The weather can go through several climates in one week, so don’t expect temperatures over 75 degrees! September is often the best month It has been a long time since Northern Ireland was on the tourist route but i t ’s a good deal more peaceful and less polluted than Dublin! I f you're not into the sauna and bar scene, and would like a quiet part o f Ireland, just write me

a n tis tic in c lin a tio n s ; x e a l antists a +. 1 com e to th e USA inn egu lanly on business; I lo v e to h o s t o ven bene. Vou c a n s tay w ith m e io n any le n g th o i tim e in a la n g e H a t , H, p n evio u sly a m o n g ed. J(x)H Ridden, Beethovenstn. 5 D - 3 3 6 04 B ie le ie ld Genmany

i a x + 4 9 .5 2 1 /6 6 2 0 9 iw h .n id d e n § t-o n U n e .d e

faery and hairy blessings. Malcolm Walker /y Mam Street Sealordc County I )ow t liJ U ) fiHA Northern Ireland

A arv mi

Come & stay with its at TREATMENT

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IN TOUCH FOR MEN was the first mass-market magazine to publish male nudes for a male audience, and today we re still the leader Each issue is a great looking package of tun. entertainment and exciting men Each month we bring you the best in erotic art and quality photography plus thought provoking articles, interviews and erotic fiction

I n A s K v lllc , N C O c C o b e r 17 - IS , 1998

RJ. Stewart, a Scotsman and the leading writer and teacher of Celtic, Faery and Underworld traditions in the USA , will present the basics of Faery Healing: working with water and prayers; with stones; with allies and co walkers; with plants and herbs as medicines and as living beings; healing through touch and the removal of influences

SUBSCRIBE TODAY! ! J S am ple copy of curre nt issue $5 95 □

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D u e

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Due dates for submissions to receive full consideration are: Winter Spring Summer Autumn

M a ilin g

1098/9 1999 1999 1999

Iseoe Issue Issue Issue

#96 #9? #98 #99

October Janunry April July

15, 15, 15. 15.

1998 1999 1999 1999

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WORDS - This Is a reader-written Journal so please send us your work (under 2500 words is best). I f you have your work on Mac-compatible MS Word or MacWrite. please send a 3.5" disc along with a printed copy. I f you are working with any other type of computer, please just send a disc and a printed copy. In single-spaced, 3 and 1/2 Inch column format. We wield the editorial pen lightly. However, we do (hopefully) correct for spelling and punctuation, unless otherwise noted. We always need more graphics and photos than we have. If you are an artist photographer (you don't have to be professional, just talented), send us a portfolio. Xeroxes of Quality, rather than the original, Is advisable.

ARTWORK

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