RFD Issue 114 Summer 2003

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R A D I C A L FAERI E D I G E S T

SUMMER 2003

#114 $7.75

Voi XXIX

No. 4

Summer 2003

Issue 114

Radically Fi ne Designers

RadicalT aerie D igest W h e th e r it be s to n e or glass or w o o d or fa b ric or light or found o b je c ts or th e c a m e ra or p ain t or c la y o r e v e n re c y c le d p la s tic , q u e e rs th ro u g h o u t th e c e n tu rie s h a v e a m a z e d th e m s e lv e s a n d o th e rs w ith u n p r e c e d e n te d a d v a n c e m e n ts in th e a r ts . H o w w e lo o k a t

Wirhun

th e w o rld an d it ’s im p a c t on h o w w e c r e a te is th e fo c u s o f th is q u a r te r ’s is s u e . O u r in te n t is to in sp ire th e c re a tiv e s p irit in us a ll. In d o in g so, h o w w e c a n r a d ic a lly c h a n g e o u r w o rld , s h ift its v a lu e s , an d c r e a te th e ric h e r b e a u ty o f th e e x p re s s iv e h e a r t an d th e c a rin g h e a rt.

T h a n k s to a ll th e c re a tiv e q u eers!

L E T T E R S TO

RFD

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CONTACT LETTERS

A R T IC L E S

FA E R IE C O N N E C T IO N S

B e tw e e n T h e Lines by B 2 T h e L ab yrin th O f T im e by David B ak er 8 A Q u e er P e ac e K e e p e r by B uffy A a k a a s h 11 Final E .pissle by Sr. M ish 36

P R IS O N PAGE

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ANNOUNCEM ENTS

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C O M M U N IT Y M ad e In V e rm o n t 10

POETRY

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FE Y A R T S F E A T U R E

G A R D E N IN G P lan t P rofile: L ilac by Buffy A ak aa sh

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Paul "Eggm an" W irhun 16 J ai Sheronda 17 K en t L a tim e r 18 B a la n c e 20 Fae F lam e 21 Donald G a lla g h e r 22 Jom bi 23 C o co p ie rre 24 S te ve e Postm an 26 E g g p lan t F ae rie P layers 27 G ecko 29 T im A n d rew s 30 Phillip W oodw ard 32 Albo 33

FO O D K itc h e n W itc h e ry by O rchid

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T h e W om en W ith T h e T ra n s p a re n t Purse by S teven R iel On Sunday by David N aolin N e w Moon by A dam C o atn ey L eaving A Friend B ehind by A dam C o atn ey

F IC T IO N C h eyen n e C h eyen n e by Speil 34

IN R E V IE W REMEM BRANCES

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M usic 37 Books 38

COVER ART: Albo BACK COVER: Jombi IFC: Donald Gallagher EDITORS: Fiction: Fred Lowe Food: Orchid Gardening: Buffy Poetry Ron Mohring Spirituality L Luxury Books: Richard Osborne Non-Fiction: Leopard Prison Pages: Snuffy Advertising & Marketing: (open) Production JohnWall, HA', Leopard Zeppard, B. Lapis.

Sr. Mish, Gabby Haze Mailing Crew: Keith, Sylvan, Dazl, Jai & The Gang! With special thanks to Wingheart, Louis, Sassy and our ever-expanding circle CONTRIBUTORS: Buffy Aakaash p7, 11 Albo p33 Tim Andrews p30, 31 David Baker p8 By The Way p7 Adam Coatney p14 Cocopierre p24, 25 Dde p14 Donald Gallagher p22, IFC Gecko p29 Andy Gustin p5 Jai p4, 17 Jombi p23 Kwai p20, 21 Kent Latimer p18. 19 Leopard p32 David Naolin p14 Nettles p27 Ves Pitts p2 Stevee Postman p26 Steven Riel p14 Sylvan p21Paul Wirhun p1,15, 16 Phil Woodward p32 Speil p34 Sr Mish p36 Malahki p37 Shane Allison p38 Richard A Gourley p38 Dragonfire p39

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BETWEEN

THE

LINES

Pitts

The submissions from our faerie artist friends for the Fae Arts issue were so voluminous that regret­ tably we could not include them all. No problem! We have decided to launch a regular Fae Arts column in the fall issue. Submit your fabulous artist self for a future issue or nominate a faerie artist friend.

By the way, we re always looking for articles, points o f view (e.g. see this issue’s “Letter to RFD”), personal stories etc. Please forward what you have to: submissions@RFDmag.org, or to our PO Box. I he next three features are: Fall — Growth and Harvest; W inter — Healing; and in the Spring — Queer Music.

Though all o f us face increased stress these days, our unpaid and overworked staff, bowed but as yet unbloodied, are still smiling! Since JohnWall is looking forward to a well deserved sabbatical from the next issue, to continue birthing his new building project, Ha! is having eye problems, B is is returning to the workplace, and leopard is working on a new C D , we are in urgent need o f extra hands. So, if you are on a Mac operating system and have Quark expertise you could add to the ros­ ter o f friends who are “working at hom e” and’ laying-out finished pages. We already have cover­ age for the Ad pages and the Faerie Finder. If you could handle the layout o f a department (e.g. Contact Letters, Book Reviews etc.), or an article, and down the road perhaps a feature, email us at Production@RFDmag.org with your proposal and we ll dialogue about formats, deadlines, number o f pages available etc.

Finally, an expression of appreciation for your responses to our recent pleas for support! Thank you!

They have come from far-flung counties, and other countries! The new subscription parties have been successful in raising subscriptions and awareness about the magazine. If you’re interested in hosting this won­ derful community-building event please contact us for details. Party Packs are waiting!

Our pleas for support will doubtless continue, but thanks to all o f you who have “stepped-up” to aid in our hour of need.

Blessed be.

C o n ta c tin g R FD RFD, P.O.Box 68 Libe rty, TN 3 7 0 9 5 615-536-5176 www.rfdmag.org Depending on the nature of your contribution, question or comment, please use the appropri­ ate address when sending your e-mail. subscriptions@rfdmag.org submissions© rfdmag.org, production @rfdmag.org faerie finder@rfdmag.org announcements® rfdmag.org 2

L e t t e r s to R F D 1. too, concur with Sandorkraut regarding the unquestionable gifts that the kaleidoscopic diversity of our extended faery commu­ I very seldom write a letter to the editor. However, I MUSTnity brings. But in contrast, I feel that to compare the Nomcnus phi­ losophy of male-only membership and governance to that of "exclu­ make an exception here. 1 just got my Spring 2003 RFD and began sive all-male all-white private clubs where executives rub elbows..." reading it. I got to Jack Davis' Washing Harry." Thank you. Jack, is unfair and painful. Such organizations use exclusion and discrim­ for such a touching yet real article. What a fantastic way to say good­ ination as tools of power and oppression. I (and Nomenus. I believe) bye to Harry’. It gave me such comfort to know he went as he lived. do not seek to exclude anyone, rather 1 ask that a sacred tradition be Surrounded by love and dignity! All that remains for the rest of us respected and honored. What other space is there in the world that to sav is: "Merry meet, merry part, merry meet again. Blessed Be, radical faery men can call their own to explore the sexual spiritual Harry Hay. May you dwell in light and inspire others to reach for connection? There are many paths to the truth, and this is but one. light."

There is enough space for people, however they wish to identify, to Peace and love, Sparrowhawk create sanctuaries and gatherings that align with their philosophies.

This is wonderfully evident in the myriad faery sanctuaries and Dear RFD spaces that have arisen around the world.

The question of "Who is a Faerie" has been an ongoing, some­ What Nomenus does and how Nomenus operates is unique in times rancorous debate both within and without Nomenus circles faeriedom, and because of that often finds itself out on an ideologi­ for many years. While 1 want to make it clear that 1 don't speak for cal limb. As the study, discussion and contemplation of gender-iden­ Nomenus, I have been involved in Nomenus for about 7 years, 3 1/2 tification issues have grown over the years, the Nomcnus model has of them as a resident caretaker at the sanctuary, and 1 have been frequently been called into question. I don’t think we have resolved involved in many hours of discussion on this topic. My opinions are the question of its validity yet, but 1 think that it is still worth con­ my own, but I think they reflect some of the thinking within tinued exploration.

Nomenus.

Blessings, Sapphire - Portland, OR Nomenus was born out of the ideas put forth in the first Radical RFD, Faery gatherings of the late 70s and early 80s which sought to explore the connection between gay male sexuality and spirituality.

1 was about to decide not to renew my subscription; then three It has continued to work with that concept throughout the evolu­ observations gave me pause, and 1 decided to renew. . . . What tion of the definition of "radical faerv". pleased me in No. 113 was, first, the little reproduction of a piece of prison art that I had contributed to the RFD collection. Then the While the sanctuary is open to anyone, save during one gather­ account "Washing Harry" touched a soft spot, because, at 83, I can ing in the summer, there are many within Nomenus and the greater understand the pleasure that Harry Hay derived from having some­ faery tribe who see the Wolf Creek Sanctuary as sacred male space, one who would wash his back for him. And the last attraction that to be governed by and cared for by men, much the way the Portland made me feel warm again to the magazine was the travelogue by Full Circle Womyn’s Temple and the WeMoon Collective Land are Mish and friends. sacred womyn spaces to be governed by and cared for by womyn.

Even within that creed. Nomenus and the Wolf Creek Sanctuary 1 have been a subscriber and supporter since RFD’s beginnings have welcomed the energies of many womyn, tranny, non-male, and in Oregon, but lately I find less and less in the issues of interest to non-queer identifying faeries over the years. This has been done with me, but (perhaps out of habit) I will try it another year. 1 live in an open heart. hope. I wish you well.

Glenn L. Sitzman - North Port, FL Dear RFD

ERRATA IS S U E # 1 1 4

NEED A TAX BREAK? We are in need of a new computer or two. Have one you can donate? Want to make a contribution towards one?

Let us know. All donations are TAX DEDUCTIBLE.

OOPS! In instead of ing all the silly error.

Darlings our Performs has died! How lovingly we have caressed her mouse to encourage the old thing to start up one more time. MacMalley, a second hand donation six or seven years ago, needs to be replaced with a G3 or G4. We are currently doing the job with two such computers which after much joining of leads and scratching of heads are working well together in our little mini- barn office. So....

the hectic final rush on Issue #113 B hit "replace" "skip" while spell checking I.ctlcrs to KI D (pg. 2) turn RFD’s to KID. No It s not a new esoteric acronym, just a Sorry. B

NOTICE TO LIBRARIANS: Volume and Number designations for Issue #113. on page 1 are incorrect. It should read Volume XXIX, No. 3.

PHOTOS: An incorrect attribution for photos on pp. 15, 20. 21 and (we believe) 28 w as printed. Joe Balcstreri sent ns the following: "Enjoying the latest edition....W alter Bloomhof (Butterfly) was the fotographer for lotos on pages 15. 20. 21 and 29. In the picture on page 15 Harry is wearing the tabled Shawl. Behind him you can see Gary Matson, who, along with his love. Winfield Mawder, was murdered in an anti-gay attack a few years ago in Ollnda California. Harry's work our work Is not over,"

PLEASE KEEP US IN MIND IF YOU’RE UP-GRADING OR JUST WANT TO HELP !

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3. Put the oil into a skillet turn flame onto medium and when the oil is hot add the shredded garlic, fry until golden brown. Drain the garlic on paper, set aside, save the oil. (This tasty oil can be used in salad dressings or as a dip with fresh bread etc. vum!)

4. Mix together all of the filling ingredients and set aside.

5. Now mix and lightly knead together the ingredients for the dough and preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

6. Roll dough out on a floured surface to a quarter inch thick.

Cut into 4 inch squares, divide and place the filling in each square, fold corners of dough in and pinch dough tight in center place on a oiled baking sheet and bake at 375 for 45 minutes.

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Tantalizing Red Curry Paste 2 tablespoons of coriander seeds 1/2 tablespoon of fennel seeds 2 teaspoons black pepper corns 1 1 / 2 teaspoons miso paste 4-5 tablespoons of canola oil 1 lemon grass stalk 5 lime zest strips 1 small yellow onion 4 large fresh coriander roots or one handful of fresh cilantro 5 thick slices of galangal or ginger 4 large hot fresh red chiles 8 large clove of garlic 2 teaspoons of sweet paprika 1 teaspoon of salt

photo:Jai

In a dry wok or skillet combine coriander fennel and black pep­ per and dry roast over medium heat. Stir frequently until fra­ grant, about 4 minutes. Grind in a mortar and pestle or a spice grinder until a fine powder is achieved. Set aside. Trim the lemongrass by cutting off the root end and leaving 6 inches above unwrap the outer leaf and slice as thin as possible into small disks. With a mortar and pestle grind together the lemongrass, lime zest, onion, fresh coriander, galangal or ginger , chiles and garlic until reduced to a paste. It maybe necessary to add a little oil in order to emulsify the ingredients (If you do not have a mortar and pestle or you prefer to use a machine I recom­ mend using a blender. If you choose to use a machine it is crucial to slice the lemongrass and the galangal as fine as possible.) Heat the oil in a skillet or a wok and add the lemongrass mixture, stir fry for about 3 minutes then add the ground spices, miso, papri­ ka and salt reduce the heat and fry for about 5 minutes stir con­ stantly so mixture cooks evenly, remove from the heat and let cool completely. If you do not use all of this paste or you would like to make extra and have it on hand I recommend placing it into a plastic bag and keeping it in the freezer.

(This will make enough paste for a stir fry for 6-10 people depending on how spicy you like it.)

by O r c h i d

I Icy kitchen witches! Here’s a fancy meal you can cook for a small party of 4 people or for a gaggle of 400. In fact, I prepared this meal for about that many during Short Mountain’s recent spring gathering. (Of course, you proba­ bly shouldn’t try to cook for such numbers without a hearty crew to back you up!) The harmonious fusion of Jewish and T hai cuisines will burst with flavor and delightful textures — all the while looking lovely on the plate!

Sweet Potato Knishes with Garlicy Seitan and Black Pepper Filling Makes 12 knish Ingredients for the crust 1 1/2 pounds of sweet potato peeled and chopped 3 cups unbleached white flour 2 teaspoons baking powder 1/2 teaspoon of salt

Tantalizing Coconut Red Curry Stir Fry

Ingredients for filling

I am not going to give exact amounts to this recipe so you can tailor it to your liking and to the amount of guests you have.

I suggest about 3/4 cup vegetable per person such as broccoli and cauliflower florets, carrots or zucchini would also work well.

Mandatory would be a few cloves of garlic per serving and a few ounces of onion. 1also think red bell pepper compliments this dish well. As garnish I would use either fresh basil or cilantro.

So let,s get started. Heat a wok over a high heat and open a can of coconut milk, scoop out some of the fatty part from the can and put it in the wok with a small amount of oil. Saute the onions with the coconut milk for a few minutes, add peppers if using, and begin to spoon in the curry paste slowly to taste. If you have some white or rice wine now is the time to add a splash. Now add your longer

1 1 /2 pounds white potatoes chopped 3 cups prepared seitan or tofu, cut into 112" cubes 2 full heads garlic peeled and cut into match sticks I /4 cup of canola oil 2-4 tablespoons soy sauce 1 tablespoon honey two tablespoons black pepper corns

1. Steam or boil potatoes separately until soft enough to mash.

Mash and set aside.

2. Dry roast peppercorns until fragrant be careful not to burn them, crush or grind and set aside.(Thev don,t need to be too fine.)

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Serves 2 1 medium fuji apple 1 4 cup walnuts chopped 1-2 tablesfHxms sweet nxi wine Cinnamon to taste 1Ionov to taste

Core and chop the apples, mix with the rest ot ingredients Enjoy!

Hazarets This is another great side dish eaten at passover tim e the bit­ ter herb.

Two medium horseradish roots (about one cup) One small boot Salt, Pepper, sugar, and vinegar to taste

Peel and finely grate the horseradish and beet, puree in a food processor or blender. (A small amount of water may be neces­ sary.) Add remaining ingredients to taste. Serve a tablespoonful on the plate with this meal.

Well 1 hope you enjoy making this meal. 1 had a blast this last gathering cooking it for all the folks here. And here is an amendment to last quarter’s column : Beautiful black beans calls for one pound of dried black beans. Much love to you all until next time.

XOXO Orchid

All aboard the Love Boat....crew at Orchid’s theme dinner where these dishes were on the menu! cooking vegetables such as zucchini and carrots. Keep stirring and then add the florets, pour in the rest of the coconut milk and let cook for a few more minutes. Add soy sauce and honey to taste.

Remove from heat when vegetables are cooked as tenderly as you like. This dish can be served with your favorite steamed rice.

Note: a 14 ounce can of coconut milk will be enough for four to six servings.

photo Andy Gustin

Sweet potato tsimmes with pineapple served with cilantro pesto Serves 6-8 Tsimmes ingredients: 4 sweet potatoes pealed and cubed 1 8 ounce can diced pineapple 1/2 teaspoon of salt butter and brown sugar to taste (optional )

Steam sweet potatoes until soft, remove from steamer and mash.

Drain pineapple and stir the chunks into the mashed sweet pota­ toes. (This could be kept warm in a casserole pan in a 200 degree oven.) Add optional ingredients if you like.

Pesto ingredients 1 large bunch of cilantro 1/2 cup of pumpkin seeds 4 cloves of garlic

honey , soy sauce and white pepper to taste Wash and finely chop the leaves and steams of the cilantro , drain. In a heavy skillet dry roast the pumpkin seeds until fra­ grant, remove and let cool. In the bowl of a food processor puree the garlic. Without removing garlic add the pum pkin seeds and puree. Add the chopped cilantro and a small am ount of canola oil (optional). Puree. Remove to a bowl, add honey , soy sauce and white pepper to taste. Set aside until ready to serve.

To serve put a small amount of potatoes on the plate and place a dollop of pesto on top. Yum!

Haroset This is a lovely side dish great for any occasion. It is a basic dish made from apples, walnuts, cinnamon, red wine and honey.

Passengers on the Love Boat stop for a photo op.

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Gatherings

and A n n o u n c e m e n t s

Aka.Amberfox, Ontario, Canada

Zuni Mountain Sanctuary

Fabulous High Summer Gathering, July 26 - August 4

ZMS Convergence May through September Seeking visits from both new faces and familiar, many different and exciting projects, much fun to be had by all. Come see what ZMS is all about! Contact Seanie at ZMS or by email, seanstew2000@yahoo.com.

CALLING ALL NATURE BOYZ! We are an established circle of gay and queer men centered on 75 acres of unspoiled land in the Lanark Highlands of Ontario. Canada. We are non-mainstream and include a diverse range of ages, body types, eth­ nic backgrounds, occupations and interests. All enjoy the outdoors and connecting with nature. Some are nudists, some wear leather, others into drag. We gather during the summer to explore gay spirit, ritual, sex and fellowship. Mostly we enjoy each others' company and the unexpected things we cook up when we bring together our energy, creativity and tal­ ents. Tent camping, outdoor showers, outhouses, a wood-fired sauna, a fantastic Erection (our name for the cool building where we cook and cat), a Departure Lounge (a place to gather, play, and dress-up), as well as swimming in the nearby river. Lots of room to hike and frolic!

Interested in joining us this summer?

Email @aka.ambcrfox.ea or visit our w'eb site http://aka.amberfox.ca

pieties,

Annual Lammas Gathering.

25 July-3 August The feast of First Harvest! Come join in celebration and perform­ ance! Balance will be facilitating a performance project (contact Balance as above for more info) Contact ZMS by email, zunimtn@cia-g.eom.

3rd Annual Faerie Shamanism Gathering 23-31 August Magic, journeying, partying, sweating, dancing, drumming, pray­ ing, celebrating, learning, sharing, more. Contact Joel at ZMS or by email, zunimtn@cia-g.com.

Zuni Mountain Sanctuary is a beautiful magickal sacred place.

Walking about one can feel the spirits of the natives who passed here before our stewardship began.

Since 1995, faeries have been building community and conspiring to create alternatives for faeries and their like-minded friends on 340 acres of land. Zuni needs your help to tackle the bigger jobs like finishing the buildings, or actualizing some permaculture land-use ideas, as well as all the many other joys of community life Contact ZMS,by phone at 505.783.4002. To arrange to speak to someone directly please leave a time you will call back, or by email at web-site: Zuni Mountain Sanctuary. PO Box 636, Ramah, NM 87321.

505.783.4002. zunimtn@cia-g.com. www.zms.org

pii]s, Queermen

Com ’ short’ in fhe flavorful communing onit full-bodied revelry M

is

AW olf Creek Spiritual Gathering o f Radical Faeries July 26 - August 2

Kawashaway Sanctuary /

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Northwoods Radical Faeries present The Gathering August 1-10, 2003

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among the lofty pines and fragrant cedars of northern Minnesota.Auction, No Talent Show, Quilt Raffle, Drumming, Rituals & more!

“Nigh the isle o f dear ones resting, Hallow,d site with loons a-nesting, Rooted friends, and stones beneath.

Bide upon the faerie wreath" — Gathering at Kawashaway, Two Bears

Nomenus Sanctuary W o lf Creek, Oregon For information or to receive a call: phone. ..541 -866-2678 email.. . sgrf03@attbi.com write.. PO Box 312 Wolf Creek, OR 97497 surf... www.nomenus.org/sgrf03

FFI Contact: Two Bears:612-703-4908 after 7pm, CDT e-mail: twobearsrf@hotmail.com

Short Mountain Sanctuary Fall Harvest Gathering October 2 - 1 2

Help us keep this valuable networking tool up to date. Send your announcements and gathering calls to us by snail mail or email at: announcements@rfdmag.org THANKS!

The faerie fall frolic in the hills of Tennessee, Come and discover what magic we may be able to create together in heart space. Drumming, dancing, kitchen helpiong, good chatting, love making whereever your dreams take you... call 615 563 4397 for info.

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Plant Profiles

"CxktewALj intc Swimmer"

by BufTv Aakaash

hen the lilacs bloom, a kind of relief enters our souls. We have a sense that the serious cold weather is gone and spring is jettisoning us into summer. The lave der clusters of flowers spray their unmistakable aroma into the air, so pervasive it sometimes seems to grab us and say, "Here I am!" It so influences our daily lives here at the edge of the woods, a friend has begun capturing its essence in a homemade wine. We ll let you know how it turns out after fermen­ But for now, let me further expound on this glorious gift of Nature to the human spirit...

W tation.

Lilac forms a sort of multi-sensual gateway, which gently beckons us into a dreamworld. On the other side, however, awaits summer, sometimes stupefyingly muggy and bothersome. Lilac invites us to linger, knowing we cannot avoid its presence as we walk from place to place. And when we finally succumb, into the dream of spring we go. When we awake, it is summer, a new dream with new sensual pleasures, and spring remains only a faint, intoxicating miasma.

People in the later stages of life either find comfort in lilac or are nauseated by it. It is a reminder of life outside the body, that vital chi which manifests, in this case, in the most delicate material (the flowers and soft green heart shaped leaves) and the most solidly immaterial (the glorious scent). Such a visually subtle plant with its faint lavender flower clusters, the odor sometimes seems the most prominent indicator of its presence. I must have just passed a lilac bush," we often say to ourselves.

The odor itself, like a dance, recalls the invisible cosmic life that remains when mater ial energy begins an untimely demise.

Lilac comforts and reminds people of the beauty beyond the gross world of forms. Lo someone who clings tightly to the body, lilac may have a sickening quality to it. For almost everyone, a deep snort of the aroma produces a mildly dizzying effect, often accompanied with a sigh, and perhaps a brief remembrance of where we came from and where we eventually return.

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Spirituality

The Labyrinth of Time

by David Baker Grace Cathedral & Outdoor Labyrinth San Francisco, California

Betty McKusick has been a good friend since 1976. For an elderly woman, she is always spry, adventuresome and mischie­ vous. She would come to San Francisco from Rochester, New York to visit her son. Leon. In the summer of 1976 I met Betty at Grace Cathedral during a showing of the silent movie. The Hunchback of Notre Dame replete with an eerie organ accom­ paniment. We had been guided to sit beside each other and both alone we had connected immediately. She wore a hand-woven turquoise, Taos-New Mexico shawl, which brought out the rich blueness and sparkle of her eyes. On that first meeting I never noticed the tired melancholy bags under her eyes. She made them invisible with the exuberance which emanated from her irises. At one touching moment when Quasimoto is parted from Esmeralda, Betty reached over and gently pressed my forearm with her hand.

The depth of her compassion let me know she had had episodes of unrequited love in her life.

Later in a quaint Nob Hill cafe, we had shared our pasts and a repast with each other. "My husband's seeing another woman and it’s killing me. We’ve decided to split.” Betty had ven­ tured This sounded like my last relationship with Paul Zappe.

"I've fought for my liberation from the oppressive homophobia of our culture. And my liberation is freeing some of our established culture from its backward narrow thinking." I had ventured. Betty understood and shared my feelings, as she had made the same ide­ ological leap around her gay son. Leon McKusick, a noted psy­ chologist. of whom she was immensely proud. As we finished lunch. Betty grabbed my hand and enthusiastically whisked me back to Grace C athedral. T v e got something to show you, that 1 know you will appreciate. She led me up the front stairs to a

courtyard beside the church. With a sweep of her hand across an area of the courtyard, she said, "There!" Before us lay a labyrinth without walls, set in stone, unlike anything I had ever seen. It had an Egyptian majesty to it, as though it had been there for millen­ nia waiting for Betty and me. Betty's eyes glistened with a joy akin to the joy I always felt marching in Gay Pride Parades with my arms over the shoulders of friends. Without a word. Betty began to walk the labyrinth twisting around its circuitous path. I closed my eyes before I began and prayed: "Please guide me to find the greatest good in my life at this time."

I lowered my gaze to the labyrinth and slowly entered it.

My mind went to my lover, Hugo Niehaus. I grinned as I recalled how surrendered we were to each other sexually and emotionally.

My face began to glow as I recalled our intimate sharing of trust, passion and semen. Together, we were tricksters who frolicked through a life of playful laughter. We had a circle of friends with whom we celebrated our liberation from the old paradigm of mis­ trust, judgment and competition. I recalled last week when we had marched the Gay Pride Parade arm-in-arm proud, triumphant, and strong, celebrating our freedom from the homophobic beliefs that told us we were unnatural, diseased and criminal. We knew' better and we proudly stood up for ourselves together. "I get by with a little help from my friends," lilted through my mind.

I arrived at the middle of the labyrinth just as Betty was leaving for the outward trek. Without a word, she mirrored my grin and the twinkle in my eyes there in the center. I surrounded

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myself with the delight in life 1 was feeling. The sun warmed m> face. The birds chirped serenely in nearby trees. I began to focus on all the many things 1 was thankful for in my life, my new friend. Betty, the day as it was unfolding before me. my freedom for sexual exploration. Hugo, my home, my job a> a nurse, my education, my consciousness o f how vapid were society's Riles which separated people, and the love and support of the gay cul­ ture around me. I wafted out of the laby rinth unaware of any of the phy sical restraints of the world, like time and space. Betty had show n me bliss this summer day in 1976.

In the winter of 1996, Betts again came to walk the labyrinth with me. She still had the sparkle in her eyes, but it was considerably dimmed with a veil of grief, which she also wore.

Leon has died. All my friends back home have died. And I'm going into a nursing home to be taken care of. 1 feel like I'm los­ ing my w hole purpose in life, which is to take care of others." And into the labyrinth she stepped. Again 1 prayed. "Please guide me to find the greatest good in my life at this time." 1 walked thought­ fully into the maze. As I transversed the inward half of the labyrinth. 1 could only recall old snatches of my past, like a floor scattered with old sepia prints: Receiving degrees - fighting at Stonewall - lovers. Tom Even, Paul Zappe. Hugo Niehaus. Peter Weldon, and Glen Van Ingen - my father's death my last hug with his lover. Reid Beitrusten working as an actor working as a nurse - opening my heart in circles with the radical faeries the group ecstasy of Sufi circle chanting 1 became aw are that much of my life had been lost since AIDS had entered it.

Living with HIV in the age of AIDS has totally trans­ formed my personal life. It has transformed my child like exu­ berance into a removed critical analysis of the risks of any situa­ tion. It has taken the bond that 1 shared with many gay men through our sexuality and through our history of sexual liberation.

It has removed a w hole generation of my friends, lovers and sex­ ual partners. Life is much more fearful and lonely enveloped in AIDS as it is now. The celebration and adventure of former years has become a methodical planning of the consequence of any action. No longer did 1 march triumphant down the street with my arms over the shoulders of a gang of friends. I walked alone, cel­ ebrating less, bonding less, and missing my sexuality of two decades ago.

And 1 sat in the center feeling unsure of what exactly my purpose in life was right then. "Follow your inner voice," was all that came to me. But what was my inner voice saying? 1 was grief-stricken, hopeless, powerless and miserable. "Get into it." my inner voice said. This was not a solution that had ever been comfortable for me. My grief was always something that I pre­ ferred to hide from myself. "Okay, I'll give that a try." I replied hesitantly as I meandered back out of the labyrinth unsure of what the future held.

The next time 1 visited the labyrinth with Betty was in the fall of 1986. "Leon's dying." she had said tearfully as she entered the maze. As I stood waiting to embark on this journey. 1 became aware of the fear 1 was feeling. I had just found out that 1 was HIV+ since at least 1983, from the Hepatitis B study that had saved blood samples of mine over the years. I hadn't told anyone yet. My friends were dying rapidly. Most of the homosexual cul­ ture had been separated by the virus thought to cause AIDS. I did­ n't trust anyone to know my status. Although my libido was still going great guns, sexuality had become taboo. How could you connect with another person without risking the usual exchange of body fluids? So. a new distance had set into the gay culture. As I entered the labyrinth, I again prayed. "Please guide me to find the greatest good in my life at this time." As I entered, my last interaction with Hugo Niehaus came to my mind. No longer lovers, Hugo had taken me aside at the local bar. the Ambush and said: "David. I have the dreaded virus. I'm looking at tying up all my loose ends before I die. I want to do an art show of my best works. Can I exhibit that picture I painted of you in the dressing room in Paris, in full drag with the cigarette?" "Sure," I replied knowing that Hugo delighted in all the ironic representations he had done of people. "And I want you to know that the time we spent together in the 70's w'as a period of adolescent love in my life. Thank you for that." "Oh, you haven’t died yet," I hastily responded, changing the subject from a focus on my lovability.

We had gotten drunk together that chilly San Francisco evening in the Ambush. I never saw Hugo Niehaus again. His show did hap­ pen, though, without Hugo.

I arrived in the center of the labyrinth, and sat. I realized that I had never told Hugo that I. too, w'as HIV+. Then, it became clear to me that telling others about my HIV was what I was called on to do in my life now, rather than wait until I got sick. I had a Masters in Nursing as an Educator. I jumped to my feet and briskly stalled out of the labyrinth w ith a purpose. It was a time to begin doing workshops about treatments for HIV. What would I call it? "S taying Healthy with H IV " came right to mind, and I could tell stories about what had been useful for me for staying healthy. This was a project on which I spent the next ten years, published a book, did workshop tours of the country, and spoke at three International AIDS Conferences. Rather than pretending everything was 'okay,' I gave the gift of hope, the most healing treatment for any disease.

Ed note: David Baker, aka Beautiful Dove, continued to walk life's labyrinth for another six years before he died in San Francisco, days after returning from a Caribbian holiday with his lover, Daniel Martell and two days after his 55th birthday. See issue # 111 for his obituary.

9

Community

MADE IN VERMONT: Permits in hand,Faerie Camp Destiny ready to build.

V e rm o n t - the Green Mountains, Maple Syrup, Civil Unions, Fall Foliage, Consensus process queens, Agnes - and the toughest environmental laws in the nation, laws that guarantee your neighbors a right to have their say. Last year, having filed the enormous amount of forms, studies, permits and papers that Vermont requires to pass through its Act 250 environmental law, a member of the local planning commission decided at the last minute to object to our permit and, with the signatures of a dishearteningly large number of our immediate neighbors, demanded a hearing against us. Having whipped the neighbors into a state by distributing some artistic nudes from ours and other faerie web sites, this fey-fearing man succeeded in filling up the hearing room with hostile, yet curious, townsfolk. Several Destinettes braved the crowd to speak against their claims, among which was one that claimed that according to the town plan, anything that hurt property values was not allowed and having gay nudists move in was hurting values.

Even in rural Vermont, that brought laughs. Our Destinettes, and in particular the recently deified Jim Jackson rebuffed each of the claims, and a few months, a few national gay press articles and a lot of grey hairs later, we got our permit and now we can begin to build our sanctuary - and just in the nick of time given the curse of Bush. You gener­ ously helped us buy our land. Now we need your help to build on it.

This summer, we will have our Walt Whitman Gathering on Memorial Day, a week long gathering before and during Lammas, a September and an October Fall Foliage Gathering on Columbus Day. We will have Wicca Workshops, Consensus Workshops, Destiny Players Theater, and in between all this, we will be building.

With your donations, we hope to get the following projects done before the winter: — Put in the road to our meadow — Clear the new meadow and gardens — Fill the trench for our approved! Septic system — Dig our sacred well for our sacred bathhouse, — Move and expand our kitchen.

This is going to cost around $50,000. At Destiny, we have gotten this far as a circle, with lots and lots of donations of time and money from lots and lots of people. With your help, we have bought our land, and a new plot of land down by the river, and we are paying the mortgage for it as a community. We have written our 501c3 and Act 250 as a community, and now we hope our larger community will help us build our sanctuary. All Donations welcome, more if you can, less if you can’t, and send them to: FAERIE CAMP DESTINY INC. PO Box 531,Winooski,VT 05404 Thank you, and PLEASE come visit us this sum­ mer! Blessed be.Peace.

10

RFD Special Report

An Interview With William Payne: A Queer "Peace-Keeper" at the Front Lines of World Violence

By Buffy Aakaash / first met William several years ago at a gathering at Short Mountain Sanctuary. A t first, he appeared meek and mildmannered, but with talk there unfolded the underlying sense o f purpose that drives his life. He had mentioned his work and its political nature, but the idea to interview him came to me from his emails out o f Columbia. These riveting correspondences poignantly and vividly captured a sense o f urgency in what is clearly a hotspot o f international violence, involving the U.S. "War on Drugs," the Columbian government, and a growing civilian guerilla movement. D uring our correspondence, he remarked that 1 "seemed to think" he had som ething im portant to say. I wrote back and told him that in this day and age o f media m isinform ation, anyone who p u ts themselves into the frontlines o f international violence (issues most profoundly misreported) has som ething im portant to say. A t that point he had been sent on his fin a l assignm ent with CPT... to Hebron, a city 35 kilometers south o f Jerusalem, which is where this “virtual ” interview took place. Shortly after the war began in Iraq, William returned home to Canada.

William, handing a rock to a Palestinian woman, with Israeli also in photo. The day after the IDF demolished 16 houses in the Jerusalem area in April 2003, a group of Palestinians, Israelis and internationals gathered to begin rebuilding one of the houses. The rebuilding is being organized by the Israeli Committee against House Demolitions

“The Columbian military is well-supported by U.S. money, usually with a pretext o f fig h t­ ing a ‘War on Drugs. 9 That the amount o f cocaine produced there rises yearly is telling. I f the goal was to eradicate coca production , I am certain they would be successful.”

B uffy: Tell me a little bit about Christian Peacemaker Teams (CPT), the organization you work for.

W illiam : For three years, I have been a full-time volunteer with CPT, which is a violence-reduction program founded by th ree historical peace churches. For Five cen tu ries, the M ennonites, the Q uakers and the Church of the B rethren have rejected m ilitary and violent solutions to conflict on any scale.

In the late 1980s m em bers of these three churches reflected on the massive increase in violence in the world and decided th a t rejecting m ilitary service while risking nothing is not a sufficient response to the state of the world. Soldiers risk their lives in a certain pursuit of peace, and the stan d ard logic goes th a t theirs is a necessary risk in order to preserve freedom and democracy. If we reject th a t method but are unwilling to take the sam e risks as com batants, then we should ju s t rem ain silent. With the aim of creating an organized non-violent oppo­ sition to w ar and oppression, CPT was founded.

Buffy: How d id you arrive at your present employment with CPT? W illiam : My own connection to CPT was circuitous. Back in 1994, tens of thousands of Mayan people in southern Mexico rose up in resistance to the political and economic oppression they had been facing for over five hundred years, the final straw being th e N orth A m erica Free T rade A greem ent (NAFTA). By 1998 I had been following these M ayan resistance struggles in C hiapas, Mexico, and had decided to spend the

sum m er there as a hum an rights observer. The M ayans really caught my attention when they connected their struggle to those of other movements throughout the world, including, by name, the Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transgender (LGBT) struggle for liberation.

As I was preparing to go to Mexico, the C anadian coordinator of CPT learned of my plans and asked me to spend my time in Chiapas working with their team. They were short-staffed at the time and were looking for people. After some lengthy inquiries in which I learned th a t CPT had already taken some public stances in favor of equality for LGBT people, l decided to join their team . The following year 1 became a full time volun teer, com m itting to three years of joining violence-reduction team s in different parts of the world.

Buffy: When>has your work been focused, prim arily ( W illiam : I have now been part of four CPT teams: C hiapas (Mexico), E sgenoopetitj (New Brunsw ick, C anada), B arrancaberm eja (Columbia), and presently Hebron (Occupied Palestine). In all cases, we have been invited by a local com­ m unity to provide an international presence, mostly focused on state-initiated violence. While as an organization we reject all forms of violence, we also do not stay neutral in situations of oppression.

11

William: CPT provides an international presence in the rural B uffy: What does that mean, that you ‘do not stay neutral in sit­ areas around the city of B arrancaberm eja. At the invitation of uations o f oppression V community leaders, we send out team s of 2-4 people into the William: Often we are asked why we don’t take a neutral third party type role in the conflicts w'here we work. One rea­ jungle, usually traveling by motorized canoe from village to vil­ lage. The arm ed groups, especially the param ilitary, tend to son is because th at kind of conflict resolution can only work commit fewer hum an rights violations when there is an inter­ where there is some kind of power equality between the parties national presence. in conflict. This is not the case in the conflicts where we work.

B uffy: You m entioned the N orth A m erican Free Trade Another reason is th a t it would be duplicitous of us to try to Agreement (NAFTA) as key to mobilizing the Mayan people. take this fictitious neutral position when m ost of us have been Why NAFTA? born into un-eam ed privilege, sometimes connected to the glob­ W illiam : Really NAFTA was the proverbial straw. The oppres­ al conflicts where we work, and have benefited from the histor­ sion had been going on since the arrival of the Spanish five cen­ ical injustices of the world. turies ago, but NAFTA added a new burden. In order to get into 1 spent much of the last year in Columbia, a country of enor­ NAFTA, Canada and the U nited States required Mexico to mous w ealth, and a t the sam e tim e a country with a terrific gap remove its constitutional protection for communally held lands, between the rich and the poor. This has fueled a history of vio­ like the M ayans’. lence for hundreds of years. The oldest guerilla army in Latin Buffy: What are you presently doing?

America continues to thrive there. As the governm ent forces W illiam : I am in occupied Palestine, in a city called Hebron. and their param ilitary allies try to m aintain the statu s quo, it Buffy: What is your role there? is the poor, both rural and more and more urban, who pay the W illiam : We do three things: first, we are w itnesses and some­ price with their lives and th eir homes. tim es interveners when unarm ed B uffy: A n d how is the U.S. “I am *out by definition. It P alestinians are victims of violence involved in C olum bia?

William: The Colum bian m ilitary took f a r too much to come at the hands of Israeli soldiers or Israeli settlers; second, we work colis well-supported by U.S. money, *out’ the fir s t time, and I am laboratively w ith Israeli and usually w ith a pretext of fighting a "War on Drugs." T hat the am ount quite clear that twenty years Palestinian groups who are commit­ ted to ending the occupation using of cocaine produced there rises later; regardless o f the cir­ non-violent m ethods. F'inally, we yearly is telling. If the goal was to eradicate coca production, I am cumstances , I am not going share w hat we see with as wide an audience as possible, both locally certain they would be successful. 1 back into the closet and internationally. believe, however, the main goal is to m aintain an economic system th a t serves a few people very B uffy: Describe the im m ediate situation there a little.

W illiam : Around the neighborhood where our office is located well and leaves the re st with little. are stationed thousands of Israeli soldiers, kids really, who are As in m any Latin American countries, the U.S. has assisted required by their country to enforce an inhum an control on all Columbia in forming param ilitary groups. Though technically aspects of Palestinian life. W here we live has been under cur­ illegal, these groups operate throughout the country with few for 109 days in a row. Except for a few hours each week, the impunity, and are responsible for most of the direct violence community is not perm itted to leave th eir homes. Often, the experienced by the rural civilian population. Millions of poor soldiers also sh u t down the schools. People are not perm itted to Columbians have been displaced by so-called attem pts to root go to work, to shop for food, to visit family members, and so on. out guerilla and insurgent forces.

B uffy: How has this come to be?

Buffy: What is the general feeling among Columbian people at W illiam : It is im portant for me to nam e th a t a centuries-old this time?

W illiam : After decades of civil war, the Columbian civilian pop­ history of western and C hristian anti-sem itism is part of the root of this conflict. After hundreds of years of anti-Jew ish vio­ ulation is mostly ju s t tired of death. While the middle-class is lence culm inating in the Holocaust, Israel’s preoccupation with typically victim of guerilla violence (kidnapping, etc.), this is security and a belief th a t security can only be guaranteed with only a small percentage of the politically motivated killings each year in Columbia. About eighty percent of these killings an ability to exert force, is alm ost understandable. In many are committed by the extrem e-right param ilitary forces, other­ ways, the P alestinians are paying the price for the violence wise known as "death squads." They have killed thousands of C hristian Europe perpetrated against Jew ish people for cen­ rural farm ers, community and labor leaders, and others they turies. believe to be in opposition to the state. Their actions have effec­ B uffy: You mentioned C PT’s positive record in terms o f its sup­ tively pushed millions of poor farm ers into the cities, leaving port o f the LG B T movement. Are you "out" as a gay man there? the land and the natural resources available and uncontested.

W illiam : I am "out" by definition. It took far too much to come Buffy: Are you saying the land and resources are then seized by "out" the first time, and I am quite clear th a t twenty years later, the government? regardless of the circumstances, I am not going back into the closet. T hat being said, I cannot say it has always been easy. I Will iam: No. Usually private interests grab the land and the resources. feel like I have often walked a tight-rope, being true to my own self w ithout completely coloring the work of the team with my Buffy: What hind o f work gets done under these unstable cir­ cumstances sex u al o rie n ta tio n in c u ltu ra l s e ttin g s r e s is ta n t to LGBT

9

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12

liberation. I can say th at every CPT team 1 have been part of has supported me in m aking my own decisions regarding how "out" to be. .

It has been a challenge and a blessing to look to my straig h tidentified team -m ates for support concerning living with new lavers of homophobia because of different cultural realities these past few years. While they don’t always understand (how could they?), 1 have felt both institutional and individual sup­ port on all the team s where 1 have served.

Buffy: A ny particularly challenging moments?

W illiam : A particularly difficult moment for me happened in Columbia, when there was an increase in homophobic violence perpetrated by the extrem e-right param ilitary forces in the city where we have our office. As I heard stories of gay men being hacked to death or run out of town, of lesbians being raped by param ilitary forces as a punishm ent for th eir being "out." it sometimes seemed too much. I had gotten used to challenging members of this sam e group concerning violence they were per­ petrating against ru ral farm ers, but this felt too personal.

At the initiative of my coworkers, we arranged personal accompaniment for the most vocal local LGBT activist for sev­ eral days until he could arrange a tem porary asylum in anoth­ er city (he has since retu rn ed to continue the struggle in his home town, despite the dangers). But I think the most exciting thing was when a straight-identified coworker had a shirt made th a t said in Spanish, "I am a Faggot." His willingness to wear th a t sh irt in th a t city during those weeks was an incredi­ ble boost for me, and an affirm ation of my decision to work with a mostly straig h t C hristian group.

Buffy: Do you identify as "Christian"yourself?

W illiam : While I spring from a C hristian background, and though some of the spiritual dim ensions of those roots contin­ ue to feed me, by the tim e I found the Faeries I was well into a search for som ething more.

B uffy: What is your relationship to the Faeries?

W illiam : I had begun my relationship with the Faeries only a short tim e before I joined this work with CPT. Like so many others, I was thrilled to find a totally queer space, a place where I was considered the norm in my queerness. My connec­ tion has been mostly through gatherings, though with some extended visits outside of gathering tim es at both Short M ountain and IDA (Idyll Dandy Acres).

B uffy: Any concluding comments?

W illiam : I am nearly a t the end of my com m itm ent to CPT. I know th a t it is soon tim e to leave this intense work, at least for a time. Sometimes the cycles of violence seem hopelessly des­ tined to continue. W here is the hope? There is so much vio­ lence, so much suffering, so much pain, so much fear, so much anger. I have no g reat answ ers. Sometimes we need to grasp onto small things. I ju s t learned th a t curfew was not re­ imposed this evening, the first night in over three m onths w ith­ out curfew. Giving th an k s for sm all reprieves, while at the same tim e not accepting them as enough.

I do think things are ju s t slightly b etter in a few small places in different corners of the world because of the work of people willing to believe th a t a ju st peace is possible. I am happy to have been p a rt of a few of these endeavors.

B uffy: Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

W illiam : Thanks for the gift of being able to do so.

An Excerpt from William's Writing From Occupied Palestine: I left Canada about three weeks ago. After a couple of days in Jerusalem, I took a public transit van from Jerusalem to the outskirts of Hebron. There is an earth berm blocking the road into the city, placed there by the Israeli military. It is really pleasant on a rainy day, when it all turns to mud. This is one of over seventy earth barricades blocking in all but one road­ way into this city of 125,000 people. Part of collective punishment of the civilian population, but more on that later.

While driving to Hebron I got talking with another passenger, a university professor at one of the Hebron Universities recently closed by the Israeli military. He was coming to Hebron to proctor his examinations, which were being held in an elem en­ tary school because the university campus has been sealed shut by the soldiers. He brought me to their temporary office, where I called a C PT colleague to come meet me. My first tastes of military occupation.

Sue, a CPTer from England met me and helped carry my luggage to a taxi. W hen we disembarked she asked me if I had dealt with teargas before, because the military was gassing the civilian popula­ tion in the central commercial district where we had to walk to get home. She gave me some baby wipes to remove any teargas from my skin if needed.

Minutes later we were teargassed, so I was quite thankful for those baby w ipes...

Settlements have been placed throughout the occupied Palestinian territories in the 3+ decades since the Israeli military took control here. Now there are 200,000 Israeli settlers in the W est Bank, an additional 2 0 0 ,0 0 0 settlers on land around Jerusalem that was occupied in 1967 as well, and more settlements in G aza. These settlements have Israeli-only roads leading to most of them, carving up occupied Palestine with roads that cannot be used by Palestinians. This is what Occupation looks like!...

A funny story to end with: A Palestinian shopkeep­ er was commenting on the lack of business so I commented "not too many tourists these days around these parts." He responded, "Do you think all Palestinians are tourists?" I wasn't sure how to answer. Since the Israeli military won’t let any Palestinians under 35 leave Palestine, and makes it very difficult for everyone else, it seemed a strange question. "I think Palestinians would like to be tourists, but at this point Israel won’t let them leave," I said. "Oh. I am sorry. I misunderstood a word." He appeared very embarrassed as I realized that he thought I had started a discussion about terrorists, not tourists! He quickly changed the subject and invited me in for coffee.

13

THE WOMAN WITH THE TRANSPARENT PURSE

ON SUNDAY

Poems

There are holes in heaven W hen you look through the trees Especially at morning When rain in swift descent Veers from the sky, When air is asleep Except for birds, The murm ured drenching of leaves And rumble Of a distant train An articulate six o'clock With no gold but gray And slow heave of foliage.

has nothing to hide.

She boards the T matter-of-factly, in a sleeveless dress and the barest of sandals.

She's as self-assured as Twiggy at a photo shoot.

1 don't need X-ray vision to see through her matching change pouch and count her dimes, but is this intimacy? There's no cranny, no crevice, no cache. She isn't ashamed, apparently, of tampons, of what ladies call in whispers The Curse. She probably doesn't worry that an accidental blow to her head might erase her log-in IDs. She probably doesn't bother to squirrel away a spare key.

Maybe she never locks her doors.

Maybe she lives in a glass house.

What would it be to get ready for work and get ready for bed without shades, blinds, or drapes— a m annequin?

Richly suited crowds could gawk whenever clerks stripped us of underclothes.

Even the flashiest, sw ishiest goldfish sometimes needs to hover and rest its pucker behind a screen of plastic plants.

Who'd choose to stand on the subway with Eucite skin, a Visible Woman, her Fallopian tubes available to the passing glance of every passerby?

If I had a purse, w ouldn't it be my nook to tuck an assortment of worries in the form of hot pink Pepto Bismol and breath m ints flecked with orange bits?

Slipped among lozenges and their wrappers would be daydreams and their props: a stash of Trojans, my diaphragm, a phone number, perhaps some just-begun poems— all membrane and heartbeat.

The last thing I'd want hanging on two straps from my arm would be an ultrasound of myself advertising my jellyfish dreams.

I wonder if this cellophane fashion statem ent has a seam where lint collects?

If she'd turn back this way, I could certainly check and see.

I find this open book pure mystery.

Why revere a cathedral When trees in shadow Spread w ider and more varied Than any church?

And who could not, w ithout an altar Worship the inscrutable silence of a tree Or loneliness of early rain?

by David Naolin LEAVING A FRIEND BEHIND

NEW MOON There

are

ghosts on a bench in Goodale Park, eating dinner at Dagwoods and standing on Ser­ pent M ound—they m idnight in hushed tones, bend knees and kiss, fade into one another completely sometimes.

There

is a slit in my arm turning yellow and red begging for the crescent of your nail to fit again.

This boulder lodged in Oneonta Gorge has one split down the middle, four feet wide, cored far enough for the underlying creek to inter­ vene. A w ielder of words I am no longer, only soles of feet and center of gravity bobbing in the cage of a pelvis am I at this, this central moment when I have already wet my slipped shoes and jum ped across—

They

light in my bed slowly undressing, set their disparate bodies in crooks— they are on your porch drinking Pinot Noir in the black night, losing clothes like vapors, waking together the next morning.

There

is a waning moon as I drive you home—it is bleeding yellow— in a few days it will disappear completely.

each divot of the boulder a house of moss surviving under Cascade snow, beads of water on hair, less than occasional pair of trampling feet trying to balance over a four (4) foot gap. It's three (3) p.m. on a Tue(2)sday, we need to get back to town soon and I am wavering on this side, then that, not jum ping back— one (1) mossless canyon wall lit up, the other dark (0), what am I w aiting for?

by Adam Coatney

by Steven Riel photo: Dde

14

(

0

H

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X

> a H (

0

< W h a t’s th e line...?

“It ta k e s a fa iry to m a ke som eth in g p re tty !”

S ince N arcissu s n e a rly d ro w n ed gazing into his own re fle c tio n till ju s t a m o m e n t ago w h e n I a lig n ed th e icons on my d es kto p ag a in , hom os have been stupified by th e w o rld s ’ beauty, c h a rm and w it. And from this stu p o r look w h a t p re tty thin gs have been c re ­ a te d . And by w ho? By p eople w illin g to see, fee l and th in k d iffe re n tly . L ike p eo p le w h o m a ke w a rs .

T h is issue of RFD ta k e s a look a t c re a tiv ity , w h ich lik e w a r, can be both p erso n al and glo b al, inspiring and o ve rw h e lm in g , th e firs t and la s t re s o rt, th e pur­ pose and bain of hum an e x p e rie n c e sin ce forever.

In sid e you w ill find p eo p le. P eople a re a lo t e a s ie r to u n d erstan d th a n c re a tiv ity , perhap s, and our in te n ­ tion is to in tro d u c e you to th e levels of “b a ttle ” th e s e folks e nd u re in m akin g p re tty things re a l.

If this issue looks like a c a ta lo g of “ju s t m o re s tu ff”, th a t is not our in te n t. If this issue provides an a rra y of p e rs p e c tiv e s w ith a ss o rte d exp ressio n s, w e ’re p a rtly th e re . If it moves you to g e t o ff your b u tt and s ta rt being c re a tiv e w ith your p o litic a l pow er, w e have rouged th e c h e e k , as it w e re .

As q u ee r folk w e have been handed a huge can vas upon w h ic h to “m a ke th e w o rld a p re tty p la c e ”.

Anyone got som e, lik e , re a lly big brushes?

15

> -

Paul “Eggm an” W irhun

E g g m a n ’s d e lic a t e a n d s e n s u a l p a in te d e g g s a r e th e r e s u lt o f a life ­ tim e o f e x p e r ie n c e , “ I le a rn e d th e tr a d itio n a l a r t o f p y s k a n k y fro m m y m o th e r. P y s a n k y a r e ta lis m a n c r e ­ a te d th ro u g h b a tik in g d e s ig n s to u s e t h e e g g ’s lif e - p o w e r fo r a d e s ire d r e s u lt.” For h im his a r t is m a g ic a l a n d s a c re d , w h ic h h e u s e s to e x p lo re h is fa n ta s ie s , d e s ire s an d c o s m o lo g y . S in c e 1 9 9 0 w h e n he c o m m itte d h is a r t to th e e g g , h e h a s e x p lo r e d f u lly t h e b a tik in g m e th o d s o f his a n c e s to r s , a s w e ll a s in n o v a tiv e u s e s o f d y e a n d b ru s h , e tc h in g , a n d m o s a ic a m o n g o th e r s ty le s . G lo b e s , a n im a ls , g e o ­ m e tr ic d e s ig n , s a ty rs an d o rg ie s g ra c e P a u l’s w o r k w h ic h c o n tin u e to g a in m u c h re c o g n itio n a m o n g e n th u s ia s ts n a tio n a lly as w e ll as his h o m e to w n o f N e w Y o rk . w w w .p a u lw ir h u n .c o m fo r a d e lig h t­ fu l v is u a l fe a s t.

16

“ I th in k a bio is s tu ­ p id ,” J a i S h e ro n d a p ro ­ n o u n c e s w ith a w r y s la n tin g g rin .

L ik e so

m a n y a r t is t s , J a i’s p ro c e s s w ith in his m u lti-m e d ia o e u v re in v o lv e s lit t le jo y fo r

an d c o lo re d p o r tr a itu r e , he

s e lf-p ro m o tio n .

m o ves d e lib e r a te ly a h e a d

S h e ro n d a ’s b lis s s u r­

w ith an a ll-e n c o m p a s s in g

fa c e s w h e n h e u n ite s

p ro c e s s w h ic h h as a s m u ch

an u n lik e ly fo u n d

to do w ith his w o rk as it

o b je c t n e a tly w ith in a

d o e s w ith liv in g . J a i’s a e s ­

g o u rd a s s e m b la g e , o r

th e tic is as re fin e d a s it is

w h e n h e ju x ta p o s e s

p la y fu l an d a s d e fin e d as it

s trik in g p h o to s o f flo ra

is e v o lu tio n a ry .

n e x t to d r a m a tic a lly lig h te d fa e r ie a r t if ic e

J a i S h e ro n d a is a U.F.O .,

w ith in his v o lu m e s o f

an d w o rk s a t S h o rt

a lb u m s . W h e th e r p h o ­

M o u n ta in S a n c tu a ry .

to s , g o u rd v e s s e ls , o r his n e w e s t s tr o k e o f

H ush 2 0 0 3

a r t is t ic fe rv o r, d ra w n

Jai Sheronda 17

Kent L atim er

â&#x20AC;&#x153;S e r e n d ip ity h a s a lw a y s p la y e d a m a jo r ro le in m y p ro c e s s - fro m th e d is c o v e r y o f a n o b je c t to t h e r e v e a lin g o f its c o m p lim e n ts - m y fin is h e d w o r k s r e s o n a te w it h t h e s a m e u n e x p la in a b le e n e r g y â&#x20AC;? .

K e n t L a t im e r is a P h ila d e lp h ia b a s e d a r t i s t a n d s c u lp to r s p e c ia liz ­ in g in p ie c e s c o n jo in in g o b je c ts . "I lo o k fo r o b je c ts t h a t h o ld th e p o te n tia l to t r a n s c e n d m u ltip le r e a lit ie s w h ile m a in ta in in g t h e ir b a n a l id e n t it y so m y w o r k w ill v ib r a t e w it h t h e c o lle c t iv e te n s io n ."

D r a m a t ic , s t a r k a n d h u m o ro u s , t h e p ie c e s u s e a s f e w e le m e n ts a s p o s s ib le to c r e a t e w o r k t h a t f e e ls b o th f a m ilia r a n d e n g a g in g ly u n u s u a l, " [m y p ie c e s ] h a v e a d e v il-m a y -c a r e s im p lic it y in o r d e r to s h o w t h a t w it h ju s t th e s lig h te s t in t e n t , a n o r d in a r y o b je c t c a n t e ll m a n y a m a z ­ in g s to r ie s . B a s ic a lly , I ju s t lo v e to p la y w it h r e a lity ." w w w .k e n t la t im e r .c o m

18

19

T h e firs t tim e I re c a ll hearin g th e w ord sham an w a s in d an ce h is to ry class. We sat in clas s, d iscussing d an ce, sham ans, h e a le rs , m y stic s, e cs ta sy , and tra n c e ; a lte re d s ta te s of con sciou sn ess ach ieved through m o vem en t. As d an c ers a re w a n t to do, I trie d it. H ot on th e h eels of Laura D ean ’s w o rk a t th e tim e — a cho­ re o g ra p h e r w ho w a s using in c e s s a n t spinning and drum m ing rhythm s in her d a n c e s —I began to spin.I have a lw a y s been m o tiv a te d by th e exp ressio n of hum an spirit in any a rtis tic m ed iu m , and d an c e, w ith its m oving hum an bodies s eem ed im bued w ith th e stuff.

My focus tu rn e d to b o d yw o rk (or as I p re fe r to c a ll it, bodyplay) and en e rg y-b as e d h ealin g te c h n iq u e s . T h en , suddenly, my a rt re tu rn e d to m e. I didn’t go looking for it, ju s t s ta rte d a fe w gigs h ere and th e re , m o stly a t a lo cal "open m ic ”. p erfo rm ing on a s ta g e is not unlike tryin g to u n leash a te m p e s t (m e) in a te a c u p . All th e w h ile , I w a s c o n tin u in g w h a t has b ec o m e a tw e n ty th re e y ea r p ra c tic e — using d an c e as a m edium for con ­ ta c tin g my s p irit guides and fo r o fferin g prayer. I re a l­ ized th e tw o p ra c tic e s w e re one in th e sam e. My a rt has b ec o m e my sp iritu a l p ra c tic e . I find m y se lf c re a t­ ing open sco red im p ro v is atio n al fra m e w o rk s for my p e rfo rm a n ce s.

I began honoring my a r t as ritu a l.

B alance T h e a pp ro ach to my w o rk has b ec o m e m o re e vo lu tio n ­ a ry w h e n c o m p ared to th e p ro cesses I fo rm e rly used in my c h o re o g rap h ie s. H ours in th e studio ta k in g te c h ­ nique clas se s and re h e a rs a ls have given w a y to the d aily p ra c tic e of w o rk in g w ith my s p irit guides through prayer, m e d ita tio n , qi gong, yoga, d an cin g , spinning, jo u rn ey in g , and jo u rn a lin g . M asks app ear, th e m e s illu ­ m in a te , c o s tu m es ta k e shap e, w o rd s ... solilo q u y... im a g e s ... o fte n ju m b le d , but my s ee m in g ly m u ltip le selves dive in sortin g through th e m ia sm a and e v e n tu ­ a lly th e w o rk a p p e a rs and ta k e s shape.

T h e P e rfo rm an c e is w h e re it all com es to g e th e r. P re­ p e rfo rm a n c e c o n s is ts of ta ro t, yoga, qi gong, and d an ce— dancing to in v ite S p irit to m ove through m e, a llo w in g m y body to b ec o m e th e vessel and th e m ed i­ um for in s p iratio n . P erfo rm in g b eco m es a m ag ic c a r­ pet ride. I have little sense of tim e . My m outh seem s to b ec o m e an open s p e a k e r (bullhorn?) to any and e very th o u g h t passing through my co n sciou sn ess.

T h e re is no "a u d ie n c e ". T h is is ritu a l, e ve ryo n e ’s par­ tic ip a tin g , en e rg y m oving in visible s w irls , in te rc o n n e c tin g us a ll.

T h en it’s over, and I’ll n ever be th e sam e.

My a rt is my ritu a l is my a rt.

B alan ce is a Pagan M onk and P e rfo rm an c e A rtis t, c u r­ re n tly hanging out a t ZM S , w h ile looking for land to build his hom e and healin g c e n te r. B a la n c e m ay be re a c h e d a t b alan ceg reg o ry@ yah o o .co m .

20

Photos By Kwai

Our group fo rm ed from our perso n al re latio n s h ip . John playing th e a c c o r­ dion w h ile I p ra c tic e d poi in th e house tu rn e d into a touring fire tro op . John had been ju g g lin g for y ea rs and p lay­ ing a w id e v a rie ty of m usic as w e ll. I had been a p a rt of vario u s p e rfo rm ­ ance a rt groups as w e ll as fire troops in C h icag o . It see m ed to go to g e th e r p erfectly. T h e g re a te s t thing ab o u t it is I g e t to p erfo rm w ith my b est frien d .

We spen t th e cold days of w in te r p ra c ­ ticin g w ith each o th e r indoors of the s tra w b ail house n ea r S h o rt M ou n tain S a n ctu ary . It ’s am azin g w h a t you can com e up w ith w h e n you live w ith o u t e le c tric ity . John w o u ld play slo w folkish m usic on th e g u ita r w h ile my fire chains w h izze d around my h ead . He w ould g et up and s ta rt ju g g lin g his knives as I hopped onto one o f th e drum s th a t he m ad e. Even a night of naked fire -spinning around him as he played on his a c c o rd io n . N ow w e a re on to u r....H a h a h a !

-Jordan

KWAI

Fae F lam e con s is ts o f tw o p layers.

John D oubek plays th e g u itar, a c c o r­ dion, piano and drum s, as w e ll as fire clubs, devil s tic k s , and knives. Jordan D aw dy plays drum s and fire poi.

Fae F la m e can be c o n ta c te d by going to w w w .fa e fla m e .o -f.c o m .

Fae Flam e

21

I expect that almost everyone reading this has painted a room or an apartment, and that very few would consider it a work of "AR T" How painting an apartment can become "ART" has much to do with the goals set in the beginning of a project.

Painting, for me, is a business and my primary way of earning a living; that it is also a joy and a passion is most fortunate. As It is a business, my clients are whom I must please, which sometimes means I am less than thrilled with the project. In most cases tho’, the people I work for and my sense of esthetics find consensus, or at least compromise. I need to know how the people want their space to appear The possibilities are almost infinite -- from the most dramatic effects of Trompe-I’oeil to the pro­ saic "linen white" with "cameo white" trim. Most clients go for the latter which is "safe.” I do my best to pull them toward the former Not only because it's more interesting for me, but also because many peo­ ple are delighted by the results. The talents I bring to the Project are several, but first I'll say I can instinctively sense what shade and tone of color will work best in the light of a particular space. I will often make an elaborate note for a client to observe the room, say in the second and third week of October, when the light in the late afternoon will change the pale peachy, pinkish, with a touch of yellow, into flaming gold, (I just love when that happens) A color I find rather safe and somewhat boring, at least for a few days a year, turns glorious! There is not too much of a trick to this, the talent comes from observation over many years of working in NYC. Because the streets are so regular the light can be cal­ culated to when it will show a room to best advantage. That, of course, is if no taller building appears across the Street. Several times I've returned to a job and had to adjust the color because of a new building. New buildings which block light are not always a bad thing tho’ sometimes the windows reflect the sunrise or sunset directly into a room even blocks away.

The discovery of colors and how to mix and blend them is of course a lifelong pursuit ] and I know I have much to learn. The process of discovery is a joy by itself. The wonder of I adding a few drops of one color to another, the new combination being substantially more beau.1 tiful than expected, opens all sorts of possibilities for further development in how a given room will finally look. Obviously the opposite is also true (there are more than a few gallons in my storeroom labeled "undercoat" because of missteps in mixing a desired color). "Less is more" is a dictum I try to follow, but enthusiasm sometimes takes over.

Before getting too far afield in the gilded arenas of aesthetics, one cannot forget a l most important aspect to any project: preparation. Here in the New York area, the first job is almost always to remove much of what has accumulated over the years; black oily dirt, especial­ ly near radiators and windows, sloppy plastering and painting, peeling paint, loose plaster, | cracks, doors and windows painted open or closed. All of this must be meticulously attended to, walls and ceilings washed, all loose paint removed; cracks opened and repaired, doors and windows scraped so they open and close properly, then all smoothed and made even and sound, and clean. This is of course the ideal. Many people only want a minimum of prep work because it is dirty and the most expensive part of a job. I am always sad when I cannot go all out in this part of a project, as the finished product depends on it so much.

An alternative to making perfect repairs is to do nothing and paint the room to look as if it were some Tuscan villa in genteel disintegration. I have had some very good results with this look , especially in the high and narrow staircases in Victorian Brownstones.

The Ideal Job (and it does happen) is a project needing decorative effects, such as faux mar­ ble or wood, decorative borders either traced or registered with stencils, and filled-in later. The SMS pavilion is a good example of that style. So many of you have been involved in the painting project of the SMS pavilion, from the cutting of stencils to the cutting of the wood and fitting it in , and also the actual painting, that it truly feels like a tribute to us all. My original inspiration for doing it came from the sound I heard emanating from the pavilion all the way to my tent the night the pavilion was dedicated back in spring 1993. That sound was extraordinary. It radiated around the mountain so beautifully. It seemed necessary to me that the pavilion ceiling should be enhanced to further add to the beauty, sacredness and fun of the place. I used the correspondences found in the back of "Spiral Dance" by Starhawk. as a guide to the images used in the various sections of the wheel of time. The actual pat­ terns came from a remarkably diverse pool of sources -- as far removed as the “Hall of the Winds” in the Vatican of Rome, to a peasant cottage in Bhutan, to the back garden at Short Mt. Sanctuary.

Whether the project is a simple clean up of plaster and paint or an elaborate recreation of a nineteenth century church, or a newly made sacred space, care and mindfulness should be the hall­ mark of the work. The results are beautiful and satisfying, and well worth the extra effort. Working with such intention hones the skills to a fine art, and it makes the work ever so much more enjoyable, in the process and in the end results. Hope to see you sometime again on the scaffold!

Donald

Donald G allag h er 22

Jombi

J o m b i's A r t S ta te m e n t: S in c e I w a s a s m a ll boy A r t o f a n y k in d h as p la y e d a m a jo r ro le in m y life r e g a r d le s s o f w h a te v e r I did o r do fo r m o n ey, an d in s o m e c u ltu r e s th e r e is no w o rd fo r A rt o r A r tis t, b e c a u s e e v e ry b o d y d o e s it, c r e a tiv ity , s e x u a lity , s p iritu a lity , is th e s a m e th in g to m e .

23

cocop*erre

This p ro je c t uses as a m odel a fa e rie from cam p Destiny, Fanta. he is w e a rin g in th e foto and video tra d itio n a l g erm an g ingerbread cookies w h ich I produced using G ra fitti te x ts culled from th e s tre e ts of B erlin, G erm any. T h e c o o kies a re tra d itio n a lly done w ith kitsch te x ts like â&#x20AC;&#x153;I love youâ&#x20AC;? and so fo rth . H ere w e see A fa e rie p resen ted a lm o st like a crim inal M ugShot w ith th e REAL voice of th e people. "W hite N iggaz 4Ever!" is a s trik ­ ing w h ite sup rem ist te x t found on th e w a lls of my lobby here in G erm anyand yet it shifts th e h isto rica l etym o lo g y of th e w e ll know n *n* w ord. w w w .je a n u lric k d e s e rt.c o m

24

C ocopierre

M pZ W inter 2000

C o c o p ierre, e d ito r of th e eurofa e rie n e w s le tte r t h e M p Z , c o n c e p tu a l visual a rtis t c re a t­ ing s c u lp tu res, photos, videos or any m edium th a t supports th e id eo lo g ical co n c e p ts of th e a rt.

“A rt m aking is for m e a m e e t­ ing of th e h e a rt and th e mind w h ich in th e end c re a te its own a e s th e tic p a ra m e te rs T h e w o rk is not o v e rtly 'gay' but... its not so s tra ig h t either.

K isses aus b e rlin .”

25

"I b e lie v e in th e s a c re d n e s s o f th e e a r th an d its in te rc o n n e c te d n e s s to s p ir it,” s a y s S te v e e P o s tm a n . ‘T h a t is w h a t m y a r t is a b o u t. I lik e to b le n d te c h n o lo g y w ith th e o rg a n ic in w a y s th a t c o m m u n ic a te th e s e m y s te rie s th ro u g h a kin d o f te c h n o -p a g a n is m . M y c r e a tiv e p ro c e s s is a s o rt o f p ra y e r fo r m e , an o ffe rin g ."

H is im a g e s a r e c r e a te d by ta k in g in itia l p h o to s w ith a 3 5 m m c a m e ra ; s c a n n in g th e n e g a tiv e s to p ro d u c e highre s o lu tio n d ig ita l s o u rc e m a te ria l; and m ix in g , la y e r ­ ing, an d tr a n s m o ­ g rify in g w ith P h o to s h o p w iz ­ a rd ry . H e w o rk s on a M a c , an d e a c h im a g e ta k e s 1 0 to 4 0 h o u rs to c o m ­ p le te .

S te v e e ’s C o s m ic T rib e T a r o t h as sold o v e r 1 3 ,0 0 0 c o p ie s . H is im a g e s h a v e a ls o a p p e a re d on G ra te fu l D e a d d ru m m e r M ic k e y H a r t ’s CD S u p e rlin g u a , Rob B re z n y ’s b o o k T h e T e le v is io n a ry O ra c le , m a g a z in e c o v e rs fo r G n o sis an d M a g ic a l B le n d , e v e n t im a g e s fo r fo u r y e a rs o f M in d S ta te s c o n fe r e n c e s , an d a c a le n d a r p u b lis h e d by Soho G a lle rie s .

In th e in tro d u c tio n to T h e C o s m ic T rib e T a ro t, E ric c d e s c rib e s P o s tm a n ’s im a g e s a s " s y n th e ­ s ize d fro m a v a r ie ty o f c u ltu r a l tr a d itio n s ...

S te v e e is le s s in te r e s te d in th e w r it t e n s tr ic ­ tu re s o f a p a r tic u la r p a th , p re fe rrin g to le t th e im a g e s , lib e r a te d fro m t h e ir c u ltu r a l m o o rin g s , s p e a k fo r th e m s e lv e s . In th is w a y he d ra w s on th e tr e a s u r e tro v e o f th e w o r ld ’s im a g e s ."

S te v e e P o s tm a n liv e s in P o rtla n d , O re g o n .

H is w o r k c a n b e s e e n on his w e b s ite a t w w w .s te v e e .c o m

S tevee Postm an 26

T h e Eggplant Faerie Players

On a recent warm spnng evening I sat on the front porch at IDA. munching salad greens from the garden. IDA is a queer artists community that's home to the Eggplant Faerie Players Theater Troupe, with which I’ve been performing since I moved to middle-Tennessee nine years ago. I was talking with two of my friends and co-conspirators, MaxZine and Tomfoolery, about the theater we create and how it’s informed and shaped by the choices we made in our lives as faeries living in community in the middle of the woods. The following is a profile not of an individual artist, but of a fey collective.

The Eggplant Faerie Players have written and produced many plays. We've performed on local stages as well as toured far and wide and made many appearances during political rallies, demonstrations, and acts of civil disobedience. Our performances are a blend of gender-fuck, irreverent humor, political satire, circus acts and musical theater. In "Next Year in Sodom" we showed a dildo-juggling act and a love affair between Moses and the Pharaoh. In "Dial M for Mothership" a group of ditzy gay activists rape the Pope into homosexuality. In "Swishing Channels" we explored life in an all-gay TV-station. where a straight actress strug­ gles to come out on her hit show. And in "Person Livid with AIDS" we danced and sang about healthcare bureaucracy and HIV trans­ mission. Together we re creating our own wacky version of an emerging faerie culture.

The issues we address in our shows are often the same: the commercializing of our culture, the pressure to conform (especially in the gay community), the connection between militarism and religious fanaticism. But we try to never take ourselves too seriously. As faeries, we are the first to make fun of pretentiousness—especially our own. Faeries like to play and goof around a lot. When on stage, we ritualize our goofiness, recreating it over and over in our performances.

Tomfoolery (he of the dildo-juggling act) calls this the role of the sacred clown. The sacred clown's pur­ pose is to bring authority down to earth, to strip the emperor’s clothes. Our experience of otherness— not only as gay people in a hetero world, but also as freaks in the gay "community"— allows us to see and express what other people might not notice or maybe choose to ignore, Think of it as The Island of Misfit Toys (MaxZine's analogy): we live on the fringe of society. We are the toys that never belonged anywhere, yet end up having so much fun.

We are the people who removed ourselves from popular culture so that we can just be ourselves.

Perhaps that’s also the source of our radical politics. As political people we often find ourselves perform­ ing in many different events. In November 2000 we marched with thousands of people on Fort Benning in Columbus, GA, demanding the shut down of the School of the Americas (where the US military trains many Latin American dictators and terrorists). 2000 people were arrested. While waiting for the military police to process us, we moved through the crowds singing about gay assimilation and new-age consumerism, and tried to get boys to put on lipstick. Many of the people in the protests we attend are much more mainstream than us, and perhaps not too comfortable with our queerness on display. Yet over the years they came to expect us to show up and inject something different into the usual speeches-and-folksongs formula of many political rallies. It’s as if our role is to entertain the troops, the people out there trying to make a real difference in the world.

Living in faerie community means a commitment to the process of consensus. Doing faerie theater means the same. Consensus is not the first thing that one imagines when one thinks about the theater. Yet we won’t do it any other way. A few years ago while in Tel Aviv to perform "Next Year in Sodom," our producer approached us 15 minutes before the last night's show with a request to cut out a scene from the play. It was a stressful moment, not least because the last thing an actor wants to do 15 minutes before the curtain rises is to change the play. Still, there it was. In the absence of a director we did what we know how to do as faeries. We had a quick heart circle, went around talking about the situation, and made a decision (to cut out the scene, in case you wonder). All the people around us were astonished. None of them had ever seen a decision made by consensus— and in the the­ ater, nonetheless.

Consensus also means that many of our plays have been open for anyone who wants to participate, regardless of their experience in performing. In our communi­ ties we like to resist the cult of professionalism. We prefer to empower each other to try the unfamiliar, learn something new, "Do-it yourself theater can be a beautiful thing. (It can also be a very chaotic experience at times, as when the 16 cast members of "Dial M for Mothership" traveled to perform in Atlanta for a weekend that was a stage-manager’s nightmare; luckily, we didn't have a stage manager.) What our audience experiences is a group of people having a blast on stage.

We are faeries living in the woods; we chose to dis­ tance ourselves from some aspects of society. Yet every now and then we pop our heads out and do something weird that makes people think in a new way and question their precon­ ceived notions of reality. We address some social ills. But the real message (as it were) is in the way we do it— by playing together, which is the thing we do best. Our fey art is a con­ stant challenge to juggle our intense individuality with our com­ mitment to community, and our deep political beliefs with our irreverent humor. But if it weren’t fun, we probably wouldn't do

FROM

: HERE’S A SNATCH OF “EFP” POWER W I T ! » > 27

N E X T

I N

Y E A R

Butch, a talk show host, enters rtch: Good evening and welcome to GNN. the Gay News Network 1am Butch Wiener, and this is "My Show " Tonight, on "My Show," we will explore a question that has been on people's minds since the dawn of civilization can love survive in times of war. With us are two lovers, who—in the best tradition of Romeo and Juliet— are struggling with this question. One of them is a Palestinian, the other an Israeli, they have been lovers for over seven years, and I’m sure that our viewers would like to know: how do you do it?

Paiestiniar,: Well Butch, we both believe that love can...

Israeli: Must! : Yes, must transcend political boundanes. : But do you experience some form of tension due to the polit­ ical. cultural and religious differences between your two people?

Israel: : Yeah, there is some tension between our families... ; aiestinian: .. especially between mv mother and his mother. : But we both believe that prejudice will be overcome by mutual respect and understanding...

Pais, tinian : ...so we just acceDt both our mothers' feelinas without trying to change them...

Israai; : ...and hopefully with time they would learn from our exam­ ple.

Butch : Do you celebrate the holidays together? :CTic» ■: Yes, we do.

-•B,:; : Well, with one of you Jewish, and the other Muslim, what holidays do you celebrate?

Paiestiniar:: That used to be a bia issue earlier on... .•.."as;:: ...but eventually we realized that if we are ever to put an end to religious fanaticism...

Palestinian : ...we must first learn to discover what the reliaious rituals of the other...

8fc:a6;i: ...can teach us about ourselves.

Palestinian : For example, we both do Passover toqether. as a wav to explore our personal... is ra e i:: ...and political...

Paiestiniar.: ...liberation.

■crael:: Also, we both fast together during the Ramadan, to focus on our personal aiestiriiar. ...and political...

Is ra e li: ...atonement. : We also celebrate Israel's Independence Dav toqether, to get in touch with our personal...

Israels: ...and political...

Palestinian and Israeli together: ...independence, p :jtch : This is quite remarkable! (To audience) Isn’t this incredible?

(Gets audience to clap). I'm sure our audience would like to know how the two of you met. : Well Butch, we met while he was a part of the Israeli military troop that uprooted my village's olive-tree orchard. , ‘■pp.r : Olive trees that have always symbolized your people’s per­ severance, holding-together, and your connection to the land. What a horrible way to meet. You must have hated him so much!! : 1was angry at first. But eventually we both realized that in order to end hate... . : ...we must exercise forgiveness. ..p PP i : But surely you felt an unbearable emptiness at the loss of such symbolic connection! : Yes. at first 1did. But then 1saw that love too could be... ;s rk & ;: ...a symbol of holding together... . .and my wound was healed.

Putcn : Now, why did the Israelis destroy that orchard? r alBSfi:.’a :.: The kids in my village were hiding behind those trees while throwing rocks at passing Israeli cars. .dutch: 1see.

Israel:: In one of those cars was my piano teacher.

Putuh : Your piano teacher, who was an elegant, grey-haired woman, whose passion for music could only be compared to her love for her country. siosti; a: : 1used to feel really guilty about how all the kids in my village assaulted innocent passers-by... ........ : . until 1 reminded him that no Israeli is innocent of crimes committed against the Palestinian people.

Utah : And why were those children throwing rocks?

Paiestiniar.: Thev were orotestina the Israeli military authorities that bulldozed my family's home.

S O D O M

I- j : Your family’s house, which was a simple structure made of bncks and mortar, that provided your family with shelter from the rain and shade from the sun for over seven generations, israeil : My father was the general who ordered the destruction of his home. __: That is horrible! How can any relationship survive such tri­ als and tnbulations? : Verv easily, actually. Home is reallv onlv where the heart is... , ; j : ...and our hearts are with each other. .to r ,: 1see. Why was that house tom down? : Tearing down that house was the Israeli Government’s response to a suicide bombing that his brother earned out in Tel Aviv. .- aiestiniar;: Yes. .sr&a.i: During which my sister lost her leg.

But ah : Your five-year-old cute, innocent sister whom everybody loved, and whom your mother expected to grow up to be a great bal­ lerina. That must have been awful for you. .,;;yqt: : Yes. But we both decided that the bloodshed has to end somewhere... i;. : r , : ...so while we do qive each other the space to mourn and rage... . i : ...we are also committed to compassion and acceptance.

■ : Then why did your brother participate in that suicide bomb­ ing?

B : A month earlier mv father was murdered bvthe Israeli. : : Your father, who was a gentle farmer who loved his God, pro­ vided for his family, and generously and unconditionally helped the poor, the needy, and those less fortunate than him. u .B\. : Yes. And he was a part of the SWAT team that kidnapped and tortured him. . :ra.aj : 1 was there when he died after three weeks of "intensive interrogation." At first 1felt a lot of guilt because of that. : 'aleofcnian: But eventually he learned...

■oraai: ...with his help...

Palestinian : ...that auilt is the ODDOsite of resDonsibilitv. and that without forgiving ourselves...

Israe li: ...we will never forgive each other.

- _ : (to audience) Is that true love or what? (Audience claps) Now, let me see if 1understand this correctly. (To Israeli) After you killed his father, his brother maimed your sister, which made your father order the destruction of his family's home. (To Palestinian) And that is what caused the kids in your village to attack his teacher, which led to him uprooting your olive-tree orchard. Now, your family had been living in Palestine for 800 years before the arrival of the Jews... ttesfiniar : But vou have to understand that the Jews had nowhere to go after the Holocaust. Israel was the natural choice. . : a BE : With all due respect to the Holocaust, even before the Holocaust Jews were immigrating to Palestine. a:B:-tinian : Well. Israel was Dromised to vour people bv God. Israeli : But that does not excuse stealina lands from the Palestinians who lived there peacefully long before we took it over.

Palestinian : You did not take it over. You reclaimed it. You were returning to your homeland.

Israel: : We stole it from vour DeoDle. ; aisstiniari : Mv DeoDle could always ao to anv of the manv Arab countries throughout the Middle East. :v, :: That is a very limited view of the situation, and a very poor excuse for ruthlessly turning millions of Palestinians into refugees. a. v.Br.B:; : But that was the onlv solution qiven that the Jews needed this land to provide a safe haven for all of your refugees.

Israe li: But at what price?

— V . : That is beside the point! Israel todav is the best place for the Jews to live! , -g . i : And the worst for everybody else!! >> B : Oh. don’t oive me that!!! :.:rsvl: : Shut up, Okay, just shut up!!! (Storms out) alestiniar.: Fuck vou! Fuck vou!!! (Exits) B a m : Well, obviously the question of whether love can survive in times of war will not be resolved in only one sitting. 1would like to thank my guests tonight. 1am Butch Wiener, and this is "My Show."

Join me tomorrow night, when we’ll explore the relationship between homosexuality and Tibetan Buddhism. Good night.

Curtain

28

Gecko B o rn S T E P H E N F L E IT Z in te x a s , g e c k o s p e n t his fo rm a tiv e y e a rs in a m e ric a 's s o u th w e s t, he m o ved to san fra n c is c o w h e r e h e b e c a m e a c lo w n , s tr e e t p e r­ fo rm e r, a n d g u e rilla ta p d a n c e r, m o vin g on to n e w y o rk , h e c o n tin u e d to p u rs u e h is s tu d ie s in th e a r ts , e x p e rim e n tin g w ith d a n c e , p e rfo rm a n c e a r t, an d p h o to g ­ ra p h y . g e c k o a tte n d e d p a rs o n s s c h o o l of d e s ig n in nyc an d o tis p a rs o n s in los a n g e le s , w h e r e he re c e iv e d his d e g re e in fin e a r ts . g e c k o u s e s im a g e s d e riv e d fro m n a tu re a n d a n tiq u ity in his w o rk , he c r e a te s c e r a m ic m u ra ls , c o lla g e , a s s e m b la g e , to te m s , a n d v e s s e ls , w o rk in g in c la y , he u s e s th e c la s s ic s ty le o f ra k u firin g , g e c k o a ls o d e s ig n s fu r n itu r e an d fu n c ­ tio n a l a r t.

A R T I S T S T A T E M E N T 'm y life lo n g p a s s io n fo r tra v e l b e g a n in M e x ic o , w h e r e i s tu d ie d a n th ro p o lo g y , an d h a s s in c e ta k e n m e a ll o v e r th e w o rld , in c lu d in g a fr ic a , a s ia , s o u th a m e r ic a an d th e m id d le e a s t. im m e rs in g m y s e lf in a n c ie n t an d fo re ig n c u ltu re s an d im a g e ry h a s b e e n a d e e p in flu e n c e on m y w o rk as an a r t is t , m y s tro n g s p iritu a l c o n n e c tio n w ith th e c o lo rs an d te x tu r e s o f n a tu re h as h ad a p ro fo u n d in flu e n c e on m y life and m y a r t , fro m d iv in g th e c o ra l re e fs o f th e re d s e a , to t r e k k in g th e H im a la y a s , re c e n tly , i h a v e le ft m y h o m e in V e n ic e to m a k e a n e w life in san fra n c is c o .

29

survivorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s loneliness 1997

30

Life Remains a Blessing Although You Cannot Bless, 1995

Tim A ndrew s T im â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 1 9 9 7 e x h ib it G lan cin g B a c k in th e M irror, focussed on s e lf-p o rtra it, including im a g e s w ith title s such as "L ettin g go," "Life rem ain s a blessing a lth o u g h you c a n n o t bless," and "S ta re , s ta re into th e basin and w o n d er w h a t youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve m issed". O ver a te n y e a r period his w o rk c o m m u n ic a te s his shifting p e rc e p tio n o f life, n aked , v u ln e ra b le before fo rc e s g ra te r th an self, as w e ll as p o w erfu l and even a g g re s s iv e as s e rtio n s of o n eâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ow n e x is te n c e .

C o n s ta n t m onitoring o f his ph ysical con dition due to h ealth c o n c e rn s gives him a n e c e s s a rily d iffe re n t relatio n sh ip th an th a t of m o st o th ers. Y et he positions h im s e lf ra th e r as a v e te ra n o f m e d ic a l a tte n tio n th an a v ic tim . His pain tin g s rem in d us o f e a rth ly tra n s c e n d e n c e w ith th e skulls and skeleto n s th a t fre q u e n tly a p p e a r to and in th e religious iconography w h ic h crsip ly e c h o th e rich ly ex p ress ive c a stin g s o f his ow n im ag e.

You m ay c o n ta c t tim a t Peacking@ aol.com 31

Ten years ago Phil left his city life to live at Ida. the rural arts community, and began to develop art which reflected the transformation of spirit that allowed this move.

"I began making ritual objects and soon came up with a light box. which quickly developed into my fire shrines. I feel the objects I make address spirit directly, and I know they do not fit into any category in the mainstream art world where direct refer­ ence to spiritual practice is often considered kitsch. The shrines are fragile and demand care, respect and attention, the illuminating essence of them is hypnotic, and when lit they must be attended and watched; you are held with them in a spe­ cial moment outside of the flow of ordinary life. The shrines are not just a beautiful object but also a tool to focus energy, hold space and allow contemplation, reflection and intention."

A desire to support himself through art has led to showing in several commercial fine art markets where he can see the reaction of people to his work , "Excitement and awe overcomes many and I see something light up in the viewer when they behold the shrines. Slowly they realize the shrines light up and that they can be opened to reveal a fine luminous, gold and copper chamber where a pre­ cious object, a small pottery oil lamp, holds a small flame. In a darkened room this effect is even stronger, quite mesmerizing."

The shrines are exactingly constructed using many different media, including hand­ made paper, fine colors, metals and pottery.

"I am inspired by the incredible beauty that can be found in every natural object. At first this was the focus of the pieces, using natural pieces as ornament, later a nar­ rative element using figurative painting developed. Now I am working with more

Phillip W oodw ard sculptural masses. Chopping and sawing at chunks of wood and clay intuitively, a rawer presence distilled into an open sculptural arrangement. The fire will shine through handmade glass not paper, though I am still working on setting this up in my studio."

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How do you relate spiritually to your work?

"The energy I put into the work is more cognitive, design and technique oriented, spirit is often translated into the work without conscious attention. Soon after joining com­ munity and feeling a spiritual renewal the strong feeling of it faded. I tried to ‘institute’ my connection with spirit using ritual, but this felt like going through the motions, try­ ing to recreate an emotional state that may feel ‘spiritual’. It felt hollow and not what it is about so I stopped and began to accept that spiritual intention can be performed without ritual or expressing it through a belief sys­ tem. I just accept my whole life is spiritually directed, there is a deep innate quality to life which in the end I don’t have to think about much! Just by allowing myself to follow the path that feels best for me, the joy of creat­ ing, doing my most skillful work, allows spirit into my life."

What is your understanding of spirituality?

On one hand it is a word that can make my skin crawl and confronts me with my judge­ ments about the nature of other people’s belief structures. But a while ago I insulted an art mentor who has a deeply held spiritual belief by making light of his practice. It made me J C stop and think about what I may believe as a very pragmatic person. I sorted out three things that I know I believe. First that there is something beyond us, a belief I hold without the need for any solid proof. Secondly, death is a big deal which we need to make our­ selves ready for. Thirdly, everyone's spiritual belief is truth for them, which allows me to absorb other perspectives without judgement and means that everything is possible! The fact we are living is truly amazing and that alone is reason to celebrate and be joyous. It is nothing short of a miracle that we are alive with this level of consciousness. It is, of course, this that I hope to channel into my work.

Interview by leopard 32

I lik e to m a k e th in g s .

I h a te living, as w e do, in a w o rld ru led by v ic io u s , p o w e r-h u n g ry p sych o p ath s (lik e th e ush ju n ta ), so I tr y t l la k e th in g s th a t tlP p e o p le to s e e w haM s i rrong and h o w w ÂŤ i lig h t m a k e it b e t t lr . u m o r is im p o r t a n t a e rie s and a n a rc h is ts e lp m e to k e e p th e )ith . i 3e a c e .

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Albo 33

Fiction guess. And just as 1 remember the taste of your w arm hard thing in my mouth. I also remember the awe I felt as she stood in your doorway and she was so beautiful and she plomped her groceries down on your bed and then she greeted you w ith a cheery kiss on your bristly flattop, and you giggled.

And then she said, "And who do we have here?" And she smiled so warm.

And you said, "Jeffie Wilier. And then 1 giggled. And you said.

"Jeffie’s mom says she knew you when you lived in Plain s Point before.

When you were just little girls. And Granpa Dover sold Buicks."

And she said. "Olive? Olive Wilier? Of course, oh my, yes. of course.

Olive is your mom, Jeffie? I knew your father too. He played football did­ n’t he?"

And 1 said. "Yes, 1 guess. It’s very nice to meet you. Ellie (because my mother called her Ellie. and she didn’t seem to mind that I addressed her by her first name, even though children weren’t supposed to do that in those days)." And as I said, "Nice to meet you Ellie." 1 felt a wet place in my jeans and I hoped she hadn’t noticed.

She was so exotic. Like you, Cheyenne. So different from any­ one else I knew. So worldly. So educated and forthcoming (though I had no words to say those things then, only feelings). I have the words now.

Worldly. Educated. Forthcoming.

I loved it when she offered her hand and it was freckled and she shook my hand and treated me just as if I was a real person. Not just a kid. And certainly not just a kid w ho’d shared a daring secret with her son.

Cheyenne Cheyenne... Oh Cheyenne. I’ve waited so long and the sweetness lingers.

And I have no way to tell you. and I'm willing only now after all these years o f attempting to stash it. finally, to tell myself. To admit it to me. Just how persistently the sweetness has lingered.

And the taste of you... and then...

The Hurt.

CHEYENNE CHEYENNE

By Speil Dear Cheyenne Cheyenne, (I can’t believe you got such a cool name when everybody else was Bob or Judy or something. Mary or Jim. Cheyenne... it's music).

I've meant to write you for decades. 1 guess it’s not too late.

Except now I won't need a postage stamp. What were they way back then? Three cents? Maybe four? They're thirty-four now but I won't be needing one. I haven’t had an address for you in a long long time. Maybe I could send it to your resting place (if you have one). 1 saw' Molly Swanson at our fortieth class reunion and she said, I heard Cheyenne died of stomach cancer in sixty-two. She said, 1 guess he's ashes now.

But I need to write you anyway.

We never said Goodbye.

When you appeared in seventh grade, I couldn't imagine a family actually moving to such a dumb town. As far as 1 knew back then, every family in Plain's Point had always lived there. If I’d known the word exotic in those days, as I know it now, I would have described you as exotic. Unusual. Of foreign origin. Meaning quite simply, that you were not from Plain’s Point and you sure seemed special to me.

I followed you home after class that day.

My mother’d said. "Ellie Dover’s moving back to Plain’s Point.

She and I were playmates when we were just girls. Hllie has a son exact­ ly your age. Maybe you and he can become friends."

I don’t remember if she said exactly why your mother had returned. Something about Buicks. But I was excited to meet a kid from another world. Any world outside of Plain’s Point. So after class as I walked you to your house, I told you a little about what it was going to be like to live there (like it was my job to introduce you to our town).

Anyway, that was my excuse to follow you.

I pretended I knew you already — because my mother knew your mother. Once upon a time. When they were just kids.

No one was home when we got there. Remember? So we went to your room and looked out the window and yawned and stood real close to each other. And 1 said. Gosh I've never known a boy named Cheyenne.

Nor anyone else, as a matter of fact. That’s actually what 1 said to you.

I’m going to guess right now that I’m the one who did the first real touch­ ing. I don’t know what it meant to me then or if it meant anything. But my heart raced and my pecker did jump-ups.

You returned my touch, Cheyenne. You returned it without hes­ itation. 1 wish I’d said. Have you done this before? Even now I wonder.

Had you? I’ll never know. 1 like to think I was your first.

I knew exactly what to do as I touched you. I don’t know how 1 knew. I just knew. And I had no reservations about dropping to my knees and unzipping you. No reservations at all. Imagine my surprise when 1discovered your penis w as curved just like a banana. A hard curve to your right as I remember it. And there was a pronounced ridge around its head. So different from my own. I can see it now. I. . can... see it now Cheyenne. Cheyenne. And its firm ridge is rubbing back and forth against the roof of my mouth. A special kind of saliva. And that was more than forty years ago.

And now I’m allowing myself to taste you once again.

All those years. Cheyenne Cheyenne. And I still feel your ridge, And until that day in seventh grade. I’d never loved anyone. And in nineteen-fifty-four, folks in Plain’s Point did not believe that two chil­ dren could actually be in real love (Norman Rockwell puppy-love maybe, but not between two boys). And there was no one 1 dared share my secret with. And 1 had no words for it anyway. No words at all. Only delicious mysterious feelings.

And when we heard your mother slam the back door, we near­ ly caught our peckers in our zippers. And then we heard her walking toward your room. We’d known each other all of nine or ten hours 1

How privileged l felt when your folks built the most exciting modern house I’d ever seen, and I got to go there before almost anyone except the carpenters. Right alongside the second hole o f the golf course. All that glistening glass on the south wall, and we could look out and the golfers could look in. and 1 was sure they envied me. Knowing you. So modern.

And I’m sure your family was the first in Plain’s Point to have Formica counter tops. Chartreuse. So bold. Do you remember? And Ellie put a still-sizzling ovenrack on the Formica because she wanted to prove it was heatproof and the last 1 knew, the brown imprint of the rack was still etched there.

I loved your mom too, Cheyenne.

But not love.

Not like I came to love you, Cheyenne.

And then she bought the first high-fidelity record player in Plain’s Point. Hi-Fi. And she played her Hi-Fi real loud. Your mom. A grow n-up.

Filling the house with loud music. It was magic. And then she encour­ aged us to dance around. You and me. On your exotic ceramic-tile floors.

And we tied strings of buttons to our shoelaces so they’d clack against the floor, and the loud music attracted the golfers right outside your din­ ingroom windows (they’d never heard such high-fidelity). And it was Ellie w ho named your golden retriever. Fie. And I never tired of greeting him. Hi Fie! Wanna go fetch some golfballs? And he’d wag his butt and jump and it’s still funny to me when I say it. Hi Fie! And Ellie took us to Berman’s so we could choose our own albums (actually try them out first in a dark booth with posters for Hernando’s Hideaway tacked to the walls). And I chose Harry Belafonte... If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your w ife... And you chose something Latin so she could teach us the ChaChaCha. Marimbas and tambourines or something. .Shrill trumpets.

And who else in Plain's Point had an album like that?

Ellie liked Stravinsky. The Rite of Spring. Remember? And Dmitri

34

Shostakovich. Wow! I'd never heard such dramatic music before. And your mom was ecstatic w hen she plaved it, and she and Fie danced around and then we all laughed and twirled around together til we grot sweats and then she poured us a glass of milk and fed us all the Oreo's we wanted and kissed us Goodnight. Each of us Me too' Then she danced us into your room and tucked us under your Roy Rogers' bed spread.

1 immediately burrowed down in the dark cave of sheets and pillows and sucked you and wished it would never never end. And then you sucked me and then we experimented to see if w e could suck each other at the same time and as far as we knew, no one'd ever done that before.

As if w e’d invented it.

When we awoke, we cuddled and gtxised each other and acted silly and tried to keep from giggling and just as 1 fondled you hard. Ellie brought us orange juice, and your dad shouted down the hallway.

"Goodbye," and headed off to sell some more Buicks Just like your Granpa Dover.

And Ellie said. "You two boys are just like peaches and cream.

Sweeter together than apart. And you. Jeffie Wilier, are just like a second son." And then I w as sure she loved me. Even more than my own mom.

It never occurred to me then to wonder if she knew w e’d sucked each other and it never occurred to me that w e were doing anything we should­ n’t be doing. It felt so right. But it’s true Cheyenne, that, right this moment, I feel the same fear that 1 felt then. I admit it. The fear that we wouldn't always feel so right a' so in love. and you’d disappear.

Just disappear. and never say Goodbye.

I was scared. Cheyenne. Were you scared? Did you still taste me after-you-disappeared-why-did-you-go-why-why-why-didn’t-you-sayGoodbye? Cheyenne Cheyenne. And now you’re long gone. Ashes. And I’m an old man and I love the memory o f the love of loving you.

And no one could know' that thenteor now. That 1 loved you. And no one in Plain’s Point believed a child could have the ability to love as 1 loved you.

Glenn Boyer. He stayed over at Glenn’s house The whole weekend 1 s»iw him there.

Molly told me that She knew vou were my best friend, but she did n’t know how I loved you Nobody knew how I loved you.

Then Glenn's sister. Marie, drove out to our farm with her mom to buy some fresh brown eggs and here is what she said She said, "Glenn and Cheyenne are going camping before Cheyenne has to go back to the east coast for boarding school.

And my heart stopped.

And 1 wanted to scream or something. Smash the eggs against the hen-house floor and then jump on them. Boarding school'.’ No one in Plain's Point ever went to boarding school. 1 didn't want Glenn to eat any of my mom’s fresh brow n eggs. 1 wanted to run all the w av to your house.

Cheyenne. 1 wanted to throw a golfball through the big window s of your modern house 1 wanted to hurt Glen. I'd never liked him anyway.

1 thought How-could-you-like-Glenn-Why-didn't vou-call-Did-youcomhole-him?-ls-your-coek-still-shaped-like-a-banana-and-curved-tothe-right .’-don’t you know l... love... you? I would’ve figured out some way to get it inside me. Helped you cornhole me. Helped you feel the hard ridge of your head deep inside me. I would’ve figured it out Cheyenne. Somehow. I’d have done anything you wanted me to do.

Cheyenne.

Cheyenne, Why didn't you say it? Say. Goodbye Jeffie Wilier... Goodbye.

I was forty years old and in bi-weekly psychotherapy when all of this finally roiled up. All of it. And 1 quaked and ached and tasted your warm ridge soothing the roof o f my wanting mouth, and suddenly, after so many years. 1 understand that no one ever knew how much I hurt and even if you had been a girl no one could’ve believed the depth to w hich 1 adored you Cheyenne. Cheyenne Cheyenne.

I spoke no words in that watershed session with my therapist. Just shed volumes of tears. Floods and rushes and unashamed gushes of tears.

Tears buried so deep because they w ere mine and mine alone to purge and no one could know. Twenty-five years... twenty-five million years... twenty-five billion years...

And now I'm sixty. Old and bald. And sorting through old boxes as my mate and I prepare to move to our new abode. And a dusty photo of you in your wrestling gear blows me away.

And though for decades now, my mate and I have been in a relation­ ship that is more beautiful and meaningful than anything I ever could have dreamed o f as a child, he never can be my first love, because you were my first love, and 1 am remembering you and remembering you, once again, and it's OK if you had to leave for boarding school and I have a hunch your parents made you do it and maybe Ellie figured us out and believed it was best to separate us and surely if you understood how much it hurt me you’d have said it... Goodbye Jeffie. Wouldn’t you have said it? Wouldn’t you? I mean if you'd understood?

And then maybe it would all be OK now.

But it’s not OK. And though I love the memory of the love o f loving you. Cheyenne, Cheyenne Cheyenne... Goodbye.

Summer o f fifty-six and you went on vacation with your sister and Ellie. Was it Vermont? I think it was Vermont. And your dad stayed home and sold Buicks. and my father kept me busy on the farm. He worked me like a man. I had every reason to believe I’d see you again. Soon.

Freshman year. 1 masturbated a lot. As I drove the tractor up and down the fields, 1 masturbated. Jacking off to the clouds and the sky, 1 longed for the taste and presence of you. My dear sweet Cheyenne. Waiting.

Waiting and wanting. Jacking off in the strawbam. Jacking off in bed under the dark cave of my own covers and wondering if comholing was something people really did to each other or if it was just a word Roger Sullivan made up. Most of the guys said it. Cornhole. Maybe they just made it up. Nobody would put a corncob inside them, would they, Cheyenne? That’s w'hat you said. Nobody’d do that.

Remember when we tried a few times? No. Not with a corncob. You tried so hard but your banana-cock just wouldn't slide inside me. As much as I wanted, it just wouldn’t slide, and you were so determined. Just ramming and ramming and me wanting it desperate, inside, and now I wonder why we didn't figure out the obvious solution of spit or some­ thing. Crisco. Isn’t that odd, Cheyenne? At thirteen, our cocks must cer­ tainly have been hard enough (1 wish 1 could get that hard now)! I wish you could fuck me now.

I wish you could fuck me now, Cheyenne. 1-wish-you-could fuck me...

And I wish you could say Goodbye.

NOTE TO A U T H O R S At RFD, we are always willing to accept submis­ sions in hard copy format. However, if you want them reviewed and returned, please enclose a SASE. Sending an email with an attachment is better. THE BEST FORMAT FOR US TO WORK WITH YOUR SUBMISSION IS A MICROSOFT WORD DOCUMENT. Thanks!

I wonder why you didn't call when you returned from Vermont. I'd heard you were back in town. My father and 1 were so busy making cornsilage and putting up hay for winter feed. I knew you were back in town and I masturbated more than ever.

Molly Swanson said. "I saw Cheyenne. Several times. He was with 35

My Very Dear Sisters World Wide,

The RFD

Prisoner Penpal Service

th e F inal S a b b a tic a l E .p is s le from S i s t e r M i s s i o n a r y P. D e L i g h t

For the past year our long-running Brothers Behind Bars Penpal pages have been printed separately from the magazine. The handful of profiles and addresses we print on the prison page is a tiny frac­ tion of the resource that is compiled each quarter by our Prison Page editor. He is directly contacting queer prisoners and encouraging their participation in the magazine. We feel this service is important and increasingly rare in these times, and Snuffy’s enthusiasm in organizing these pages is deeply appreciated.

Due to the extra costs of handling, printing and mail­ ing this ever growing list we are asking for a donation of $3 - $10 per list, more if you can, less if you can’t.

Supporting donations to assist in the growth and management of this valuable resource are always welcome. Thank you for your understanding and sup­ port.

While I trust some o f you have discovered this little gem o f a prayer, it was new and fresh to me during our anniversary days and I've promised to recite it daily until I learn its hard and salient lessons. Dare I suggest young and old alike in the Order fin d inspiration and humility in its cadenced counsels? in joy all ways, Sr. Mish.

1 7 th C en tu ry N u n 's P rayer Lord T hou k n o w est b e tte r th an I know m yself th at I am gro w in g o ld e r and w ill som eday be old.

Keep me from the fatal h a b it of th in k in g 1 m ust say so m e th in g on every su b ject and on every occasion. R elease me from crav in g to stra ig h te n out ev ery b o d y 's affairs. M ake me th o u g h tfu l but not m oody; h e lp fu l b u t not bossy. W ith my vast store of w isdom , it seem s a p ity not to use it all, b ut Thou k n o w est, Lord, th at 1 w ant a few frie n d s at the end.

Keep my m ind free from the recital of en d less d etails; give me w in g s to get to the p o in t, seal my lip s on my aches and p ain s. T hey are in c re a s­ ing, and love of re h e a rsin g them is becom ing sw eeter as the years go by. 1 dare not ask for race en o u g h to en joy the tales of o th e rs' pain s, ut help me to e n d u re them w ith patien ce.

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I dare not ask for im p ro v ed m em ory, b u t for a g ro w in g h u m ility and a le sse n in g co ck su ren ess w hen my m em ory seem s to clash w ith the m em o­ ries of o th ers. Teach me the g lo rio u s lesso n th at o ccasionally I may be m istak en .

DON’T MISS THIS ONE. ONLY FOURTEEN PEOPLE WILL RECEIVE ONE OF THESE WONDERFUL, INDIVIDUALLY HANDCRAFTED, RFD COMMEMORATIVE

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Keep me reaso n ab ly sw eet; 1 do not w ant to be a s a in t—som e of them are so hard to live w ith — b u t a so u r old p erso n is one of the cro w n in g w orks of the D evil. G ive me the a b ility to see good th in g s in u n ex p ected places, and ta le n ts in u n ex ­ pected p eo p le. A nd give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so. A m en.

(brought from England to Sr. Missionary P. Delight in Australia by Postulant Elyjah on the 23rd anniversary of OPI/SPI, Easter Weekend 2002.

The title of this prayer is traditional; the source is unknown, printed by C. Goodlife Nealys, ltd. Alceister, Warwickshire)

*

T S H I R T S Made especially for you by Memphis faerieand RFD team member Louis!

Only fourteen left, and we can’t just give them away!

If you’re one of the first fourteen to send a new or renewed subscription with a note claiming “Yes I want T-shirt” you will not only have the queerest little art rag in the nation delivered to your door four times a year... but also a beautiful t-shirt to advertise the fact._______________________

Sr. Mish and Elyjah at Lillian Rock

36

Nevil Munch

In Review

Music heathen haRvest esoteRic and pagan music b y m a la .'h k i t h o r n H e a th e n H a rv est urill h ig h lig h t o n e a lb u m p e r issu e . T h e r eview s urtt! a lte r n a te p r o g re ss iv e ly a m o n g th r e e s e c tio n s . L ig th . B e tw een th e W orlds a n d D a rk n e s s .

T h ese c a te g o rie s w ill p e r m it u s to e x p lo r e e s o te ric m u s ic o f m a n y s h a d e s .

o R fm e s s

’t$\\ elijah ’s m a n c te ^

Sohz

ished. This effect accompanied by lengths musical introduction frames the poems in a musical architecture that sways the emotions.

The recital of Baudelaire's poetry atop the neoclassical arrangements is flawless. Mark Ellis recites Baudelaire's poetry with the passion and the skill of a true dramatist His voice unfolds the verse with eloquence and confidence. I particularly enjoy the delightful treat of having poetry read aloud to me through the stereo. The listener is freed from the duty of translation and meter. Indeed, one simply listens and absorbs the liter­ ary decadence.

legacy o f coRRUpcionjtf

Legacy of Corruption is Elijah's Mantle’s tenth album. The album is self-described as "A Selection of Poems by Charles Baudelaire set to Music.” Eli jah’s Mantle is the solo project of Mark St. John Ellis. He sin­ gle handedly writes the music, performs the spoken word, and is involved with the production. Such extensive involvement from conception to conclusion makes for an unrivaled musical work. Furthermore. Mark Ellis has conveniently translated the majority of the original French texts into English in order to make the words more accessible.

This album is a fantastic feat of musical prowess. Charles Baudelaire (1821-1867), an admitted alcoholic, opium and hashish user who lived in 19th century' France, is a prime heretical icon. He left in his wake a body of poetry rich in imagery, symbolism and decadence. Baudelaire’s poet­ ic works were often met with great criticism and rebuke during his life­ time. He lived through censorship, financial ruin, addiction and syphilis all the while continuing to conform words to his dark dreams. In 1857 Baudelaire published The Flowers of Evil. Soon after, author, publisher and printer were all prosecuted and found guilty of obscenity and blas­ phemy:

All the bourgeois fools who incessantly utter the words immoral, immorality, morality in art, and other silly things remind me of Louise Villedieu, a five franc whore, who, when accompanying me one day to the Louvre - where she had never been - started blushing and covering her face; and pulling all the time at me sleeve, she asked, before the immortal statues and paintings, how people could put such obscenities on public display, (from My Heart Laid Bare) -Excerpted from sleeve notes

In choosing he did not shy from Baudelaire’s more immoral works.

Two “satanic” odes, Litanies o f Satan and Abel and Cane are sure to offend the self-righteous. Both poems are exquisitely articulate and depraved. These tracks are nestled amongst other illustrious portrayals of the obscene such as The Outrage of the Voluptuousness and The Murderer's Wine. This album is sure to please faeries who have an inter­ est in 19th century French poetry or poetry in general. Faeries with an interest in the classical arts, including but not limited to classical music, may find this album worthy as well. Faeries who are not literary may find this album as the perfect springboard into such writings and music. And lastly, faeries that like dramatic and darkly romantic, artistic innovation will find this release most satisfying.

. . . M inistry of Interior declaring in 1857 that T h e Flowers of Evil' con­ stituted “an act of defiance in contem pt of the laws which safe guard reli­ gion and morality.”

The courts verdict published the following day in the Gazette Des Tribunaux and in L'Audience stated that whatever m itigating comments T h e Flowers of Evil’ might contain, nothing could dissipate the harmful effect of the images he (Baudelaire) presents to the reader, and which, in the incriminated poems, inevitably lead to the arousal of the senses by crude and indecent realism.

-Excerpted from sleeve notes.

Baudelaire has found a way to build for him self at the furthest point of a spit of land reputed to be uninhabitable, and beyond the confines of known romanticism, a bizarre pavilion, very ornate and very contorted, but charm ing and mysterious, where Edgar Allen Pot; is read, where exquisite sonnets are recited, where people intoxicate themselves with hashish to talk about it afterwards, where opium and a thousand abominable drugs are taken in cups of perfect porcelain.

Excerpted from sleeve notes

Mark Ellis shows ample discretion in his selection of poetry for legacy o f Corruption. He has chosen superlative examples from Baudelaire’s irreverent poetic legacy.

How does one create music to accompany spoken word poetry? Here again, Mark Ellis exceeds our expectations. Each poetic selection is set to a beautiful neoclassical score. Instruments used range from bass gui­ tar, harp, organ, oboe, timpani, piano, as well as a number of stringed instruments. Thoughtfully composed, the musical accompaniment not only frames the poetry but tells its own story. Strings and woodwinds lament and wail while the bass and timpani play rhythmic tag with the piano. On several songs the music lingers well after the recitals are fin-

More information about Elijah's Mantle and Mark St John Ellis can be found at the following web address: http //www elijahsmantlo com These titles may be difficult to locate at your local retail music stores A great source for all your esoteric music needs is Middle Pillar Distribution http://www.middlepillar.com/ US toll free order line 1-888-763-2323 Foreign phone line: 1-718-956-1313 A n y q u e s tio n s fo r th e m u s ic e d ito r c a n be s en t to m o u n ta in h e a th e n @ h o tm a il.c o m or PO BOX 222, H yam pom C A 96046

37

In R e v ie w "Only I was a big ruffian at 17. So was Dw ight. / broke this one gorilla’s nose.

There were fake carnations and real blood everywhere."

Books

What an arresting line to end on. Pliura presents these characters not as wimpy stereotypes in the gay communities of gay western cul­ ture. but as heroes.

There are some poems in the book that tend to fall by the wayside at times, due to the fact that they seem unfinished, cutting the reader off when the plot is just starting to gain power. And even though there are poems that seem to rant on for a page or two too long, these are poems that are real jewels w ith their stream of consciousness and unforgettable, arresting lines. "Tenderness in Hell" is a book that every connoisseur of queer poetry should have in his library.

Tendernevs in Hell Author: Vvtautas Pliura Publisher: 1st Hooks Library (2(HI1) 135 pa^es

Reviewed by: Shane Allison or the release of Vytautas Pliura's dehut volume of poetry, "Tenderness in Hell”, all one can say is, it's about time. In reading the poems from this volume, the book is long over­ due in dropping down on the gay literary scene. The wait to experi­ ence this poet's touching verse is finally over.

Pliura's poems are written with brutal honesty in mind. Every poem pulsates with rawness and realness like a beating heart. Pliura reaches back and into the stench trenches of his past and plops his often hard-hitting memories where he knows they are needed, which is on the page. Pliura writes about everything from dancing w ith his lover on the Dick Clark Show to being a hustler on the highways and byways of Sunset Boulevard.

I remember reading Pliura's work in "Gents, Badboys and Barbarians", and knew even then that he was a poet emerging from the humble beginnings of Vines like "Dawn", with poems like "The Water Lily Hour". He quickly catapulted himself into the major leagues of poetics by being published in numerous anthologies, such as "A Day For a Lay” and "Between the Cracks" (Gavin Dillard, ed.); and "The Outlaw Bible of American Poetry" (Gavin Dillard and Alan Kaufman, I.).

"Tenderness in Hell" reads like a poetic autobiography. Pliura cuts himself open on each page, and lays the bare essentials of his life in each line. I Ic takes the readers on a rocky roller coaster ride of his tribulations. In a book of brutal verse, this poet refuses to bury the past, but decides to face his demons head on, while simultaneously putting them to rest.

Pliura's poem, "Father", is the perfect example of his loyalty and will in facing those demons. This is a poem we can all relate to, with its description of all the discomfort of homosexual-heterosexual awk­ wardness in the relationships between us and our fathers due to the struggle of trying to live up to our father's expectations of masculin­ ity. Those expectations become entrenched in a boy's life growing up different, growing up gay.

Pliura does a wonderful job in exploring that issue of masculini­ ty. The speaker in this poem turns the tables in a situation where he feels he can harm his father the most by rejecting his love. The speak­ er regains his sense of power after has been stripped away from him when he hears his father making fag jokes at the dinner table. (When I was nine years old. 1 remember my father telling fag jokes at the supper table with the farm hands. My father opened a door that I thought was dead shut—and he knew that I was gay. He wanted to reach out to me. I fixed him.)

In his poetry, Pliura makes what I believe is one of the most crit­ ical moves in poetry. He writes w ith description and imagery that is continuously emotional on every page. He makes the reader a part of his world of rejection and human turmoil. This writer tells a story in ways where his experiences become all of our experiences. The reader is able to connect with the work on numerous levels.

Pliura doesn't always keep his readers in his world of darkness.

Wit and humor is very much existent in his poems. This is most evi­ dent in his signature poem, "1 Dreamt of Blowing up the Dick Clark Show " This poem is one of my favorite pieces by far, because the author challenges the moral fibers of heterosexuality as well as the overratedness of heterosexualism as he explores the lives of two teenage lovers who decide to express their love for one another on the dance floor of the Dick Clark Show, only to be confronted w ith con­ tempt by homophobic mongrels:

F

King I)a\id: War & Ecstasy Author: Colin Pritchard Publisher: Janus Publishing (London, UK) Reviewed by: Richard A. Gourley avid—the slayer of Goliath, the lover of Jonathan, the anointed King of Israel, the ravisher of Bathsheba (and the murderer of Bathsheba's husband. Uriah)—is one of Judeo-Christian culture's greatest icons. Yet this warrior, poet, mys­ tic and man of incredible passion has. in most corners of the realm, been emasculated into a plaster saint. Even Michelangelo's beautiful marble sculpture of David has been "cleansed", in many depictions, with a fig leaf, hiding David's powerful male beauty.

Colin Pritchard, who confronts head-on the tensions and incon­ sistencies in David's life, has staunchly challenged all of this modern interpretation of David in a new historical novel, "King David: War & Ecstasy", It is a thrilling story, narrated as it happened by David himself, without the benefit of hindsight, political correctness or reli­ gious orthodoxy. With exquisite sensitivity, Pritchard reveals the per­ sonality of this extraordinary man, whose life apparently far exceed­ ed any sanitized heroic myth. I personally fell madly in love with Pritchard's characterization of David, and did not want the over 550page paperback book to end.

"King David: War & Ecstasy" should be read and enjoyed by everyone, but especially by gay men, although it is not a "gay" book, for David cannot be contained by any narrow category. Finally, an author allows the story of David to celebrate his love of men. We have always had the bible's rather stiff account of the events of his life, but Pritchard brings us a deeply rich and extremely colorful account of the Israelites and their daily customs and goings-on. both in battle and in domestic life. We see how absolutely different they w'ere from neighboring cultures, especially the Philistines, who had a far more advanced society.

David writes his own story to answer his detractors, who accused him of being "a hypocrite who sought domination only to fulfill his carnal desires", but David asserts that his life was a search "for com­ munication—with the ever-living God, of the friendship of two minds, the merging of two bodies" in a physical and spiritual journey.

David knows the exhilaration of ecstasy, but he greatly despairs as he struggles to integrate mind, body and spirit amidst the contradictions of bloody battle, political poisoning, the search for his God. and the reconciling of his great loves for both men and women.

At the core of the book are the relationships that David has w ith wen. women, the prophet Samuel, his people the Israelites, his ene­ mies the Philistines, and his God. from early manhood until the day David unites the very divers Israelite tribes. Prtichard’s description of one or two of David's relationships may inflame controversy, such a> David's love for Jonathan. "The greatest Prince of Israel" and the epitome of "a perfect gentle knight", and the absolute consummation of their love. At one point. David states, "We were men moulded in the image of God—no wonder I could love his manly body and mind."

D

38

Some traditionalists of the Bible and of history may be shocked, even offended, but man) will be inspired by a life that seeks authenticicy in everything—in his poetry, his mysticism, and the joy of the human body—while forging an empire for hts people and his God. The book will appeal to all interested in the reality of war. love, and religious experience, but most of all. to those who enjoy a good story.

David is a "Total Man", who "walked in his own integrity". David belongs to us all.

The book is a wonderful read, and 1 felt privileged, all along the way. to know this inspiring human being called David bar-Jesse, whose loves and adventures are timeless, and whose voice needs to be heard today. It is not w idely accessible in the United States at this point, but can be ordered on-line from Independent Publishers Group (w ww.ipgbook.com) or directly from the publisher. Janus Publishers.

76 Great Titchfield Street, London. WC 1 P7 AF, United Kingdom.

Com ing Issu e s.....

Fall G ro w th & H a rv e s t Recollections of who we were, who we are & who we may become. Set your imagination free and join us in a journey of exploration of our lives and how we relate to ourselves and others, our dreams, fears and truths Submission deadline July 15

Hasty Hearts: A Collection of the Best Fiction by Ken Anderson Author: Ken Anderson Publisher: STARBooks Press (Sarasota, Florida: 2000) 416 pages $13.95 (Softbound)

Winter

Reviewed by: Dragonfire

H ealing

ou can hardly find a sexier cover photo than the one adorning this spicy collection: two nearly naked guys with strategically-placed towels! Ten short stories and a novelette continue exploring male-male sex-YOU-ality in the same teasing fashion. It's rare to discover a writer who captures the fleet­ ing moments that define queer attraction in such clean, crisp prose.

Ken Anderson is a poet, playwright, and English professor. And he is unabashedly an Epicurean explorer of gay love who shares his experiences so vividly that one feels like a welcome voyeur.

In the short story. ”A Break in the Weather," Anderson portrays two men risking their happiness. Alex is a jaded college professor with previous relationship baggage. Kip is a lost student who seeks what he can't imagine: emotional stability. The parry and thrust of their intimacy dance excites the youth as it resurfaces unresolved feelings in the teacher. Anderson's gift is that his characters resolve their desires while reflecting on larger themes, such as friendship.

After Alex rescues Kip from an attempted suicide, he muses as fol­ lows: "He felt a sense of community w ith them, with America itself in its faltering quest for human rights, with the reasonable, decent spirit in people that insisted on their humanity."

Attention, aging Baby Boomers! Is age really a deterrent to meaningful love? In "The Dumb Heart Has to Speak in Signs", Anderson tackles intergenerational love with Chris, age 33. who picks up a 17-year-old named Len. "So I cruised him. getting an eye­ ful of his brown arms, tie-dyed T-shirt, and sharp features. His lips were as purple as his shirt. But it was his firm thighs that turned me on—and he knew it—especially the pale strip just beneath the frayed lip of the jeans." Their mutual attraction leads to some cherrypick­ ing! But instead of a one-night stand. Chris and Len craft a love that lasts for decades.

The novelette, "Someone Bought the House on the Island: A Dream Journal", is a treat for those who revel in Anne Rice’s vampire stories. Kevin is a virginal college graduate who discovers the lake house's new mysterious owner. "Uber-stud" Deiter is a 380-year-old vampire—and a sex machine! As he seduces the innocent-but-will­ ing Kevin. Deiter muses, "Americans are warped by their Puritan her­ itage, hut sex isn’t bad. Besides, it's a major step in discovering your­ self." Much is at stake as we meet Sasha, a vampire love-slave, and experience eerie orgies with Deiter’s sex-and-drugs aficionados. As one follows this fantastic adventure to its bitter conclusion, we can ask ourselves, "How do we know when the party's over?"

"Hasty Hearts" is a treasure trove of gay fiction. Ken Anderson has secured his literary legacy with this amazing collection of stories.

Y

We are all healing. Ourselves, each other, the planet. We all have our own paths and methods. Sharing our stories inspires, excites and connects us.

Tell us your tale by Oct. 15

Spring Q u e e r M u sic Whether you are a queer musician, a music enthusiast or just know a good tune when you hear one - contribute your favorites, your feelings, your reviews. To Classical from Punk and everywhere in between. Let’s gets with it!

Submission deadline Jan 15

W ords

G ra p h ic s

P h o to s

send it all to: subm issions@ rfdm ag.org Indicate in the subject line which issue or feature your work is for.

39

Remembrances It's ironic that Ernest “m ade” this issue in obits.

He could have been includ­ ed in the feature; he was an artist - silk screen, theater/production m an ager and set designer. An espe­ cially lovely memorial was held during the spring gathering at S M S with the placem ent of a particularly beautifully carved stone a fantastic first effort by

.m

Frankincense.

Blessed be, Ernest

> CD C TS -1 13 — cn rc IT o

w

=3 CD

Beloved faerie brother from Canada was taken from us this spring in an auto accident. We will miss his sweet smile, tender heart and frolicsom wit.

On Saturday, May 3, our dear friend Clueless Joe (aka Joe Selby and form erly Regular Joe) drowned while swimming in the ocean in Mazatlan. Mexico. Joe was in Mazatlan on vaca­ tion s in c e th e beginning of March. Finding the life in Mazatlan enjoyable, he had taken a job running a bed-and-breakfast and was making friends, following the Tao, and enjoying his life fully when he died. About his death, we have been told that Joe had been swimming with a friend, and that they appeared to be having enough trouble that some people in a boat asked them if they wanted some help. They told the boaters they were fine, and Joe is said to have made his way back to shore. When he realized that his swimming partner was still having difficulty, Joe went back to help him, which appears to be when he drowned. Joe’s friend was uncon­ scious in intensive care for a week or so but is now fine, thank­ fully - his life having been saved through Joe’s courage. Joe was - after all - a boy scout to the end.

40

1

'r

CONTACT

‘ In Spring the young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love." The poet is right, but this is not entirely con­ fined to ‘the young man'. We older guys often feel the same. I always anticipate sp ring but sum m er w ith more interest as an outdoors type. I enjoy what sum m er holds in store. (Not that I a bh or ‘the great ind oo rs') Perhaps there is som eone who'd also have an interest in the approaching spring and sum m er? I’m reachable at: Alan Webb P.O. Box 5096, Kingsport, TN 37663 Hello, my name is Kerry. I have a modest home in west KY on a small farm. I am looking for som eone to share my home and life with. I am 50, 5’ 11", blond hair and goatee. I’m very hairy with several tattoos and pierc­ ings.

I am looking for a m onogam ous LTR. Your age or race is not im portant but there are a few points that are not negotiable. You must not smoke. You must enjoy gardening. (I would like for us to grow some of our own food, etc.)

You must have som e kind of income to help with utilities, food, etc. (I tried something last fall and heard from peo­ ple who wanted to come here as some sort of p erm a ne nt g u e s t.... At my expense.)

I am a caring guy with much love to give. I am sexually versatile and enjoy everything from rom antic cuddling to some leather sex and everything in between. Please be willing to explore new things with me.

Besides g ardening, I enjoy art, music, historic homes and antiques, reading and much more.

Kerry P. Jones 3669 Allegre Road Elkton, KY 42220

LETTERS

Hello, new pen friend. I am a 28 year old male and a Kansas resident nearly all my life. I am a brownish haired and brown eyes male. I am 5 foot 11 inches tall and weigh about 170 pounds. I am a struggling Christian man. I am a diverse person and would accept any person who would accept me. I don’t care about pasts, race, sex, sexuality, disease or anything else for that matter. If you are human and w ill­ ing to respect boundaries and uphold yourself and the normal limits of friend­ ship then I want to know YOU! I am also a bisexual.

I am a married man, have been for nearly eight years. I have two boys.

One died in August 1993. The other was born in 1997. They are both very special to me and I love them dearly and would do anything for my second son.

I am cu rre n tly w orking through some things to better myself in my own life. Generally I buy and sell cars. It’s a hobby for me. I like cam ping as well as traveling and m eeting new people all over the world. I like walking, run­ ning, swimm ing and sight-seeing.

My goals are to be the best I can be and to love and forget and forgive oth­ ers at all costs. My other goals are to find a new extended fam ily as my bio­ logical family is not a very good one!

If you write me, please do not send nudity. And if you are sending anything other than letters, I need to know as I

V

am required to lie under certain rules in my life. I do collect stamps and can also use them to help write people. So feel free to send some if you want. My home page has a photo and tells a lit­ tle more about me. Please check it out.

You can also call me if you like. NO E MAIL!!! I prefer you be an adult pen­ pal.

I will respond to ALL letters. If you show interest I will write you as long as you will allow me and be your friend for life and hopefully meet you someday!

Until next time I wish you the best.

Peace and Love!

Mark Brull RR3 Box 89 Larned, KS 67550 Phone # 620-285-2156/620-2854622/620-285-8920 Call before 11 PM Central Time D addy looking for son to love.

Daddy wants hot, oral, versatile boy.

W M, 6'3", 240 lbs., dark brown hair/eyes, mature hairy bear type body.

I like reading, quiet evenings at home, good m ovies and I’m involved in my spiritual journey.

I’m understanding, open minded, warm hearted, affection­ ate, looking for som eone discreet for m onogam ous LTR. I do not use drugs, smoke, or use alcohol.

You should be between 26 and 43, who is height/weight proportionate to slim, into passive and active french, be versatile to top, loving passionate, obe­ dient, goal oriented, hard working, and interested in developing a friendship and then a possible LTR. Be honest, that special som eone and write. All replies answered. I’m disease free, UB2.

Sunshine, PO Box 13413, Macon GA 31208.

Bright blessings.

Contact new friends and see what happens via RFD. We print letters free of charge and will even forward replies free (tho‘ donations arc appreciated for a box #.) If you’re looking for new contacts, some fresh tastes in life's salad bowl, consider KID as an outlet. Water your garden with a thought out piece about yourself in the contact pages (up to about 200 words) and who knows what delightful, tasty and unexpected plants may appear. You can send a photo too if you want, b/w prints more clearly. Put pen to paper, write our friends who have an ad here and wait for the post. Please phrase your ad in positive language.

RFD assumes no responsibility regarding dealings arising from these ads ... Okay?

41

G e rm a n Faeries d o Merlin

louisiana

Wcndelm Kuepers@ Fern-unihagen.de

L’A ffa ire Beau Monde P O Box 3036 Pineville. LA 71361

H o m o d o k -L e s b ia n A rchives Nieuwpoortkade 2a, N L-1055 RX Amsterdam, Netherlands

massachusetts

31-20-6060712 www.homodok-laa.nl Email: info@homodok-laa.nl

B oston Fa erie C o n tac ts Rose o f Sharon

a .k .a .A m b e r Fox

Irish Radical Faeries

Rt. 2 Box IJ0A2 Elkins. AR 72727

Summer Gathering Place Ontario, Canada www.aka.amberfox.ca Email: circle@aka.amberfox.ca

An Sidheog 71 Ballyculter Road

501-643-3855

austrafia A u s tra lia James fan.Les P O Box 495. Nimbin N S W 2480 Australia ozfaenes@yahoo.com

D e n v e r Radical Faeries PO Box 12415 Denver. C O 80212 Events: 303-433-7584 www.geocities.com/denverfae Email: beest@qwest.net

California Black L e a th e r W in g s

d.c./maryland

Les Fees de M o n tp e llie r do Pierre Vazquez

Kawashaway S an c tu a ry (N o rth w o o d s Faeries)

38 rue de lauguillerie 34000 Montpellier France Tel: 33-04-67-60-89-30

P.O. Box 6 3 4 1 Minneapolis, M N 55406 www.kawashaway.org

Paris Faeries do Efthimios Kalos 7 Rue Payenne 75003 Paris, France Tel: 33-1-40-27-02-95 Email: efthimios@aol.com

D .C . Faeries

Rheingold Faeries - Bonn

Monday night potluck 7 - 10 d o Eldritch: 202-332-4697 www DCRadFeys.org

Email: rheingoldfaeries@lycos.de

H o ly Faerie D atabase

S caerie Faeries do Happy Doodle

Las H adas del Sol

M o on C ircle-Los Angeles

Berlin. Germany Email: howaberlin@hotmail.com

415-626-3369 Events/messages for Bay Area

Santa C ru z Fairy Line 408-335-5861 (Events line)

So. C al. A re a Radical Faeries S C A R F & Faerie Dish R ag-FD R PO Box 26807 Los Angeles, C A 90026 213-666-1350 socaradfae@aol.com facdishrag@aol.com

E m p ire o f S tard u st C o m m u n ity

erks/R&BRadicalFaeryO I .htm Email: piet@peitvk.demon.co.uk

PO. Box 5 Craig, NE 68019 Email: arlazaroff@yahoo.com

florida

europe/abroad

N o m en u s

San Francisco T e l-a-F airy

nebraska

www.pietvk.demon.co.uk/bgl/ReadandB

Email: happy@happydoodle.com

www.mooncircle.net

San Francisco. C A 94117 To visit Sanctuary: P.O. Box 3 12 W olf Creek. O R 97497 541-866-2678 www.nomenus.org

Email: Wendelin.Kuepers@unisg.ch

T h a m e s V alley Faeries

B erlin Faeries do Hort/Butch Bhudda

P.O Box 170358

El E ncanto Nayarit. Mexico 011-52-325-49029 Summer - 253-813-2427 Email: camporose@aol.com Mail:c/o Rosie 1122 East Pike St. #689 Seattle. W A 98122 www.elencantomexico.com

Swiss E uro-Faeries

2101 Bucknell Terrace Wheaton. M D 20902 301-946-0517

Faeries of the Sun. San Diego, C A 619-226-8161 or 685-7626

minnesota

Loughkeelan. Downnpatrick County Down BT30 7BD, N . Ireland

1226 25th Ave San Francisco. C A 9 4 122 415-584-1954 www.blackleatherwings.org

C A and W olf Creek Events P O Box 426732 San Francisco. C A 9 4 142

Fuku: 6 17-522-6466 Email: shutt@fes.harvard.edu

M ia m i Fa erie C o n tac ts do Gawen, Kelpie House

new mexico

6700 SW 52nd St. Miami. FL 33155 305-667-7601

D u tch C irc le d o John Ferguson

M A V E R IC K S RO. Box 9543 Santa Fe, N M 87504 Email: Mvrks@aol.com

georgia

Graaf Florisweg 22 2805AL, Gouda, Netherlands Email: americanvoices@wxs.nl

Z u n i M o u n ta in S an c tu a ry P.O. Box 636 Ram ah.NM 87321

A tla n ta Fa erie C ircle 770-446-9946 Email: snakeowl@bigfoot.com

E dw ard C a rp e n te r C o m m u n ity

505-783-4002 www.zms.org Email: zunimtn@cia-g.com

illinois

BM ECC, L o n d o n W C IN 3 X X .U K Tel:(UK) 08703-215121 www.edwardcarpentercommunity.org.uk

new york

C hicago Fa erie C irc le do Kale. P.O. Box 607282

Blue H e ro n F a rm

www.eurofaerie.org

Chicago. IL 60660-7282 FAEvents: 773-cashmere www.geocities.com/faeriechicago

E u ro p e -N /E -B a ltic C ircle do Viking Diva

M en N u rtu rin g M en do Midwest Men's Center

C ro w n C ity Faeries

PO. Box 3698 10501 Tallin Estonia Email: viking_diva@hotmail.com

PO. Box 705 Chicago. IL 60614-0705 312-494-2654

146 S. Main St. #3 Cortland, N Y 13045 607-745-2577

E uro-F aeries

68 Streeter Rd. Dekalb, N Y 13630 315-347-2178

S tarlan d -F ae R e tre a t/ C o m m u n ity 760-364-2069 wwwgeocities.com/starlandretreat Email: StarlandRetreat@yahoo.com

F a e rie G ra m

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• N o rth e a s t Faerie Email N e tw o r k PA, NY , CT , M A , V T , N H , ME agnesknows@ aol.com

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To subscribe write:FaerieGram P.O. Box 150296 Brooklyn, N Y 11215 $20/yr o r what you can afford Make check to:"Ron Southard"

G anow ungo S anctuary

PO Box 312

S h o rt M o u n tain S anctuary

do Jay Stratton

W olf Creek. O R 97497 541-866-2678 www nomenus.org

Liberty.TN 37095 615-563-4397 (voicemail)

121 Union St WestfiekL N Y 14787

Email: nomenus@budget.net

N Y C Radical Faeries do the FaeneGram

Pennsylvania

PO Box IS0296 Brooklyn. N Y I 12 15 7I8-625-4S05 www radicalfaenes net

Verm ont

247 Sanctuary Lane

F a erie C a m p D estiny & V e rm o n t Radical Faeries

mm texas

P O Box S31 Winooski.VT 05404-0531 802-295-7105 wwwfaenecampdestiny.org

A ustin A re a Faeries T h e H e rm ita g e 75 Grove Rd Pitman. PA 17964 570-425-2548 www.ic.org/thehermitage

Radical F a e rie s -N Y C on M S N www.communities.nnsn.com/radical-

Casa de los Manposas P O Box 80618 Austin. T X 78708-0618 Info line 512-837-1596 Email: lzlong@telocity.com

N o rth w e s te rn Faeries

H o u sto n Fa erie C ircle

6002 32nd Ave. N W Seattle. W A 98107-2540

Washington

faertesnyc

P hiladelp hia Faeries http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ phillyfaertes Email: bartlett@critpath.org

ohio N .E .O .F .A .G .

N orth East Ohio Faerie Action Group

P ittsbu rg h Fa erie C ircle

P.O. Box 9 3 166 Cleveland. O H 44101-5166 Email: ohmitian2@core.com

7212-1/2 Meade St. Pittsburgh. PA 15208 412-241-8606 Email: jrbishop@bellatlantic.net

Oklahoma

tennessee

O k la h o m a Radical Faeries P.O. Box 3 23 2 1 Oklahoma City, O K 73123 405-722-8985

www.gayguides.com/houstonfaenes Email: houstonfaeries@gayguides.com

www.communities.msn.com/seattlerad-

Texas Fa erie C o n n ec tio n Hyperion & Swami B do FEYARTS

S e a ttle Fairy Fone

Faerie Cherokee Indians & Friends do Everett Cheshewalla

ID A -Q u e e r A rtis t C o m m u n ity

P.O. Box 642 Tulsa. O K 74101-0642

E ugene/Springfield Faeries

Wisconsin

N .Texas Radical Faeries

P ra irie Faeries

http://ntradfae.divanet.com

http://members home net/wifaeries/

Utah T h e Faeries in SLC Salt Lake City. U T 801-273-7118 Email: slipit@xmission.com

P.O. Box 874 Smithville.TN 37166-0874 615-597-4409 www.planetida.com Email: planetida@planetida.com

Oregon

206-366-2132 (Events line)

PO. Box 2542 Wimberly. T X 78676

C re e k v ie w Farm s R e tre a t Snuffalupagus(Snuffy) RO. Box 187 Liberty.TN 37095 615-563-2219 or 563-6624 Email: SnuffyVH@netscape.net

icalfaeries

Additions, changes and deletions for I aerie Connections mat/ he sent to: RI D I aerie Connections, P.O. Box US, l iberty, I N .37095; or entail: faeriefinderv rfdtnag.org

Faerie E-mail List www.radfae.org/faerielist

M em p his Fa erie C ircle

Eugene, OR 541-683-5084 Email: ronunger@efn.org

Email: louis@planetida.com

Faerie Links & Gatherings

N ashville Faerie C ircle

www.radfae.org

615-258-4226 www.nashfae.org

Portland O R Faeries

Faeries on the Web

P u m p kin H o llo w

Fae D irt 503-235-0826

1467 Pumpkin Hollow Rd. Liberty.TN 37059 615-536-5022

Email: feydirt@rdrop.com

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Prison pages "The Garden" <12-29 01) You were in my dreams last night, a God putting out the fires of my woe. Defeating the demons of my past and keeping at hay the bcasLs of the ever present.

Hurling away any unwilled thoughts into the abyss of darkest night. You said your alliance is to no other Then 1 woke to this concrete and steel. There are no demons, no beasts.

You are not a god but a man. And your alliance?

Truly dreams are deceiving, but oh the bliss it made me feel. Til I woke to this concrete and steel. It was still late so I closed my eyes and dreamed again. I was in a garden, a huge colorful flower garden. So many different flowers I could not count. The mixture of different flower scents, sweet, sour and some almost putrid. Weird!

I looked down at one single group of flowers. All the same color and texture, but each had a slightly different shape. As I looked I noticed that the flowers were more like memories coming up out of the dark rich soil of my subconscious mind. Each petal was a different thought, each leaf a different feeling or emotion. The scent of the flower was a spark of the moment. The spirit in which I was dealing at the time of that particular mem­ ory. I walked around smelling each flower, experiencing each memory. Then I noticed seedlings.. What possibly could these be'.' Not memories, but things of the present. There were other flowers too, distorted, twisted with ugly things and choking vines. Instead of memories, they ' held within them nightmares. Each leaf was a reason to hate or a reason to cry.

Their vines were choking the beautiful flowers of my memories and killing each new seedling.

I reached down to pull them up. but then thorns cut into me. each drop of blood was a cry of despair. Then 1 saw you, the gar­ dener of my life, pulling up the weeds of despair, renewing each thought a securing each memory. And just when 1 thought my garden would be saved. I awoke. <lrawil>|f by;Leon Mandeville 23769. Utah rapped in concrete and steel. state Prison.PO Box 250. Draper. UT 84020 By: James Manning 810723 3872 FM 350 South Livingston, TX

FROM THE EDITOR OF BBB AND PRISON PAGES It is with a deep sense of regret that 1 must apologize for the inclusion of an ad with incorrect information in the list accompanying The Winter Issue. #112 and in the Prison Pages of that issue After personally writing Tim Cassidy for about 6 months it came to my attention that he is actually 40 years old and not the 19 listed in the ad. I personally regret any inconvenience this may have caused any of our readers and hope that it will not happen in the future. In the process, however, a reader suggested that I do a search on INMATE LOCATOR, as many of the states have a website giving basic information on the inmates being held in their systems. In a future issue, it is my intent to provide our readers with the various web addresses for all such sites. I still encourage you. our readers, to seek out the "beautiful flowers" and help nurture them. The drawings and writings on this page attest to some of this beauty.

It is my hope for the next issue to be able to provide our readers an in-depth look at a recent conference that looked at the prison/industrial complex and its problems with the hopes of cre­ ating constructive changes in the system and to work diligently to free any innocent people from incarceration. The conference. "Critical Resistance," was held in New Orleans from April 4-6 of this year. There were far tot) many workshops that 1 wanted to attend that were scheduled at the same time as others. Angela Davis and others provided key note addresses and it was extremely encouraging to see the see of faces of concerned folk. Watch for this feature.

44

"Dreaming"By Todd, ’97 Time Stands still in the twilight hour.

Dreams are bounding with each beat of the heart; As evening shadows caress the silent land.

Your memory grows stronger, though we are apart.

Our spirits go soaring like flames on high.

Seeking communion, with chance to collide; Flying over mountains, being kissed by nature's dew.

Love. Live, and Passion, are the laws we abide.

The moon pulls an ebb tide so gentle.

No violence can ever reign supreme; My mind rests easy, with memories of you.

Precious stones and gold, never will replace my dreams Rude voices rumble across my conscious veil.

My eyes sadly open with reality seeming; Two souls are now lost in heavens stardust.

As I awake to realize. I was only dreaming!

Todd Nicholas Resanovich. #571990 9601Spur591 Amarillo, TX 79107-9606

WRITE US! Arizona State Prison Complex PO Box 8200 Florence AZ 85232-8200 Lonnie Terrell #124874 B-3-A-4.

Central Unit Hey. What's Up? I’m 28 yr old black man and I’m looking to write anyone who is willing to write me. Race, age, looks not important. Gay men and others are welcome to write Central New Mexico Correctional Post Office Drawer Los Lunas NM 87031-1328 James Bowen #57759 2-141 am 34 yrs old. 6'4" blonde/brown hair. 200 lbs. Incarcerated for bad checks. Release date is early October 2003. Will answer all letters Ely State Prison. PO Box 1989 Ely NV 89301-1989 Michael Duniphin #71430 I'm an attractive bisex­ ual male with a very' open mind that is looking for someone to broaden my horizons. I’m a romantic at heart and enjoy music, the outdoors and poetry'.

I have a wild side that adores transvestites and her­ maphrodites.

PO Box 9200New Boston TX 75570-9200 Jim Van Hooser #772027 GWM. 30. in search of other GWM to possibly establish a friendship or LTR. Must be able to fix a broken heart. If that’s you. please write. Will respond to all. Please send a photo. No prisoners please.

The folks at IDA want to thank all those who came to their assis­ tance following the disastrous storm in May. With both phys­ ical and finan­ cial help from so many friends and neighbors our gardens are re­ planted, our bridge re­ designed and built anew, and the fallen trees cut up and stacked.

Join us for IDAPALOOZA — celebrate our storm survival and ten years as IDA!

Free C reative S um m er R esidencies At the Hermitage in Pitman, PA. for one week peri­ ods. For gay writers, artists, craftsmen, performers, companies and troupes.

The journal of Nasalam - an erotic spiritual community for gay men celebrating the power of cock.

Room, board and lots of creative time for modest work exchange Write: The Hermitage 75 Grove Road Pitman, PA. 17964 www.ic.org/thehermitage/

Nationwide Gay Contacts Cruise hundreds of ads from guys all over the country! Free magazine included.

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Send $10 + $2.15 S&H to: CCM PO Box 160117 Nashville, TN 37216-0117

Nasalam 864 N Ranch Rd. Fair Grove MO 65648

45

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48

D a v id W o o d

Notes from Damon Dogg & Erich Lange I would like to send out my love and thanks to all radical faeries, especially those who celebrated Beltane with Erich Lange and myself in Southern Oregon at the Wolf Creek Sanctuary. 1 have been associated with Radical Faeries since 2000 and you all are like family to me. This past gathering was Erich hinge's First encounter with the Radical Faerie world, and his encounter was very warming.

We initially went to Beltane to document the beauty of this fertility gather­ ing and to capture some Radical Faerie sex for a video porn project. 1 work for Treasure Island Media, a gay porn company based out of San Francisco and one of the main things we are about, is capturing sex in its natural, beautiful form and to show it for all the Magic that it is. When we arrived at Wolf Creek our cameras were not very welcomed and the whole video project quickly was nixed.

We were fine with that however, since community and ritual are more important than filming sex and making videos.

I would like to thank all of my Faerie brothers and sisters and all my goddess mothers for being the true beauty which you are and letting Erich Lange and myself be a part of it Blessed Be.

I want to thank the faeries at Wolf Creek for allowing Damon Dogg and myself the opportunity to experience the beauty of this year’s Beltane Gathering at Wolf Creek. Armed with cameras and raging hormones, Damon Dogg (known as DOGG) guided me, Erich Lange (now known as MELLON) through my first encounter with Faerie consciousness. I was not familiar with the Radical Faeries other than through Dogg's tales.

Once on the land, the first words 1 heard were "Welcome Home" combined with loving hugs. The second thing I encountered was passionate kisses and major groping...hints of things to come!

Although we ended up not documenting the event, (several faeries found the cameras intrusive and distracting), we did get to taste and devour the unique lov­ ing sexual flavor of Beltane at Wolf Creek. The beauty of the land and the beau­ ty of the faeries' hearts and the community and warmth I experienced are won­ derful memories. I'm looking forward to experiencing them again.

Love and lust to you all!

Erich Lange (Mellon) erich@treasureislandmedia.com

Paul Morris's T R EA SU R E ISL A N D M ED IA 221 5 -R Marker St. # 4 3 5 San Francisco CA 9 4 1 1 4 www. t reas u re is 1a n d media, co m PAID ADVERTISEMENT

J___

-D ogg dam ondogg@ treasureislandm edia.com