Day Thirty-Seven | April 5 THIRTY-SEVEN

Saved from Guilt

The major event of the Wednesday of Holy Week was Judas’ decision to betray Jesus for 30 silver coins. The faithful through the ages have debated Judas’ motives. Rather than a conspiracy with the ruling elite to end Jesus’ life, many believe that Judas was trying to help Jesus. Help Jesus start the revolution that would overthrow Rome. Help Jesus utilize this vast throng gathered for the Passover in Jerusalem who were ready to fight. Help Jesus usher in His new Kingdom. Judas was so caught up in his own agenda that he couldn’t hear Jesus sharing that He would be a di erent kind of Savior, one who would conquer through love and not a sword.

And when it all went wrong in the garden, Judas responded with horror. Shock. Disbelief that the battle did not start. And when he realized what he had done, he was ashamed and embarrassed. He could not forgive himself or let go of his shame. So, in the pit of guilt, he took his life.

Ultimately, guilt flows from our mistakes when we can’t let go of our agendas and trust God’s way. Guilt flows when we try to force the dawn rather than let it unfold. Guilt flows from our controlling natures.

There is a Jewish folk-tale about a young man who aspired to great holiness. After some time working to achieve it, he went to visit his Rabbi.

“Rabbi,” he announced, “I think I have achieved sanctity.”

”Why do you think that?” asked the Rabbi.

”Well,” responded the young man, “I’ve been practicing spiritual disciplines for some time, and I have grown quite proficient at them. From the time the sun rises until it sets, I take no food or water. All day long, I serve other people with no expectation of being thanked. If I have temptations of the flesh, I roll in the snow or in thorn bushes until they go away. At night, before bed, I administer lashes to my bare back. I have disciplined myself so as to become holy.”

The Rabbi was silent for a time. Then he took the young man by the arm and led him to a window and pointed to an old horse being led away by its master.

“I have been observing that horse for some time,” the Rabbi said, “and I’ve noticed that it doesn’t get fed or watered from morning to night. All day long, it has to do work for people and it never gets thanked. I often see it rolling around in snow or in bushes, as horses are prone to do, and frequently, I see it get whipped. But, I ask you, is it a saint or a horse?”

The point of the old story should sear our hearts. We can’t earn our salvation by our good works or stringent discipline. Ultimately, that just leads to frustration and guilt … or to a misplaced sense of pride. We are set free from guilt when we focus on our Savior, who died for us while we were yet sinners. Who loves us for who we try to be rather than who we are. Judas couldn’t learn that lesson. May we learn from his mistake.