© 2018 The Henry Farm, Inc
27 p age so fc oll ege vam pir e
com edy !
Fre e Co mic Boo kW eek Edit ion
It's TV you read!
I got next.
FR E
E!
SITCOMICS TM PROUDLY PRESENTS:
EPiSODE ONE “BLOOD SiSTERS” STARRING KELLY
VERA
WRITTEN BY DARIN HENRY PENCIL & INK ART BY JEFF SHULTZ COLOR ART BY GLENN WHITMORE LETTERED BY MARSHALL DILLON COVER ART BY JEFF SHULTZ
STEWART
JESS
welcome, fun fans, to the wonderful world of sitcomics! sitcomics are tv you read so anytime you want to watch a rerun of this comic book, just come back to this page and look to your right!
SUPER ‘SUCKERS™ IS
ALL CONTENT SUITABLE FOR ANYONE ALLOWED TO WATCH BROADCAST TV AFTER 9PM.
Sitcomics™ Presents Super ‘Suckers™ No. 1 (FREE COMIC BOOK WEEK EDITION) January 2018. Published by Sitcomics™ 171 Pier Avenue, #207 Santa Monica, CA 90405 All contents Copyright © 2018 by The Henry Farm Inc. All Rights Reserved. The stories, characters and incidents mentioned in this magazine are entirely fictional. No actual persons, living or dead, are intended or should be inferred. More information at www.Sitcomics.net or at www.facebook.com/Sitcomics Follow us @Sitcomics
KelLy, we finished our sign for tonight’s bloOd drive party!
He studys giv , bloode s!
We used paint and did it alL by hand.
FRIDAY - 8 ‘Til LATE!
And since we’re apParently stating the obvious-it’s also rectangular!
Hey G Tap Thoasls, Canals! e
you guys! it’s perfect-o! but since bloOd is red, what if you wrote the word bloOd... in red?!
Super ‘Suckers was drawn in front of a live studio audience.
Okay, How does she I just got fit so much chilLs! genius into just one brain?!
Uh, I said to paint it red two hours ago.
Hey, shut the doOr! You’re blowing my balLoOns!
HalLo, KelLeE, dahling.*
Dragos!
*no, we didn’t mis-spelL darling. dragos has an eastern european acCent.
Oh, sweEtie! I’m sorRy I snapPed! You can blow my balLoOns anytime!
So listen, I’ve beEn feEling uber-funkytown since our last canoOdle. At first, I thought I ate a bad bean burRito but then I--
ShH! KelLy, dahling. VeE neEd to talk.
Eet’s about our fyoOchah!! our future?! {gasp!} this is it! he’s proposing!
Oh man, I have got tolearn how To pronounce his last name before the wedDing.
I can't introduce my own husband as Mr. Dragos Ferferferferfer!
But what if he’s only marRying me for his greEn card?!
MomMy and DadDy say imMigrants do that.
WelL, they don’t neEd to know he’s foreign. I’lL just telL them he talks that way because he’s deaf in one ear!
Okay, focus, Kel. You don’t wanNa misS the proposal.
...So I hope you do not take it personalLy.
Yes, you vilL not take it personalLy that I'm leaving you?!
You big silLy! My answer is yes!
{SNifF} PretTy much that.
I must leave America imMediately. I canNot telL you vhy and I shalL never Vhy? seE you again. Vhat deEd you theEnk I said?
--BYE?
...I’m sorRy, what?
GoODBYE, KElLY my love. GoOD--
YOU WERE RiGHT! REdDER iS BEtTER!
Kels-bels, we fixed our sign!
Hey studs, give bloods!
FRIDAY - 8 ‘Til LATE!
So what do you think?
Why are we runNing?!
is this not the best sign you’ve ever seEn?!
Hey Gals, Tap Those Canals!
{SnifF!} I-I--
I love it so much!!!
Whoa! is KelLy actualLy crying?!
What do you think hapPened?
She was just talking to Dragos. I think it’s obvious what hapPened!
Hey YEAH. Our sign rocked so much, studs, give it made KelLy bloods! cry! Up top, Lyric!
This just in. I neEd new friends.
Hey chicks, get pricks injected!
No, you up top, SumMer!
Oopsie! My bad.
Can I help? My speEd dial has hotline numbers for stresS, bulimia and unexpected pregnancy.
My boyfriend dumped me last night. I’ve beEn drinking away the pain.
No way! My boO just dumped me toO!
What about hangovers?
Oh no, I never have more than two wine coOlers.
I’m KelLy KelLogG.
I’m-gonNa barf again.
You want me to hold your hair?
it’s a wig?!
SURE.
Yeah. My ex was majorly into long hair.
Mine was toO! Hey, something’s wrong with this mirRor!
Oh yeah. I noticed that toO. it’s alL fogGed up, right?
Darn it! Now I’ve got break-up face and I can’t even gusSy! BoO hoO! BoO hoO! BoO hoO!
YES!
Er, did you seriously just say ‘BoO hoO’?
I know I should be stronger. it’s just--my Dragos stilL loves me.
Dragos?! You were dating my Dragos?
WelL, let’s not jump to conclusions. What was your Dragos’s last name? Ferferferferfer.
OKAY, you know what? You want Dragos? He’s alL yours.
How did I do that?!
But if you were realLy a vampire, you’d have big pointy fangs right here and--
Ow!
GeE, maybe Ferferferfer is a more comMon name than I thought.
That two-timing
jerk!!!
And what is up with this stupid mirRor?! I thought only vampires had no reflection.
Oh snap! You have vampire fangs!
Double oh snap! So do you!
That’s what they say.
These fangs are real! When did this hapPen? How did this hapPen?!
That jerk didn’t just two-time us. He was a vampire and he turned us into vampires toO!
Dragos!
WHAT?!
But I was so careful!
‘Careful?’ it’s not an STD!
it’s the ultimate STD! My boyfriend gave me vampirE-and it’s permanent!
Run for your lives! There’s a monster on campus!
I’m getTing out of here!
And it’s Us!!!
I’m right behind you!
Whoa!!
AhHhH!!!! The sun!!! it’s so bright!!
it’s burning my skin!
I can’t stand it!!!
it’s like my flesh is on fire!!!!
Tsk. White girls.
Get back inside! Quick!
And helLo?! I am way toO popular to not exist.
This is nuts. We can’t be vampires. Vampires don’t exist.
WelL, since we’re stuck here ‘tilL sunset, why don’t we crack open a big botTle of conversation. As I said I’m KelLy and you are...?
Our boyfriend two-timed us and turned us into vampires and you’re concerned with social niceties?! Hey, just because we are inhuman, doesn’t mean we have to act inhuman.
You know what? I can’t be a vampire with you.
SocialLy unskilLed? A germophobe? A devout fistbumper?
Why not?
Because we have nothing in comMon except a weaknesS for Eastern European hotTies with unpronounceable last names!
So my choice is to have alL my face-skin melt ofF or sit and talk to you for another six hours?
I’m going back to my dorm.
YepPerdoOdledoO.
No, you can’t! You’lL burn up!
...Maybe if I run.
w-why did you ofFer us bloOd?
CofFeE, tea, or...
Hola, ladies, can I ofFer you a drink?
Because my budDy Dragos said you two might be neEding my services. You seE, your ex and I had a litTle “arRangement”.
He paid me money, I let him suck my bloOd.
BloOd?!
Wait, you loOk familiar. Weren’t you in my Bio clasS last semester?
Uh, no, I don’t think so.
I heard about that! That was him?
That was him! Old Stewart here is a real “whiz” in Biology.
Yes you were! You’re Stewart! You peEd your pants in clasS!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
{Sigh!} SeE? We can totalLy be vampires together.
GrRrRR.
I don’t have to selL you my bloOd, y’know.
But don’t come crying to me when you kilL someone!
You won’t be able to stop yourself!
I could never kilL anyone. I’m a vegetarian! I don’t even eat animal crackers!
The more a ‘sucker desires someone sexualLy, the more they want to suck their bloOd.
Vampires have that romantic reputation because bloOd lust is linked to sexual lust.
Which means the object of your desire wilL be kilLed or converted-- unlesS you’ve recently fed ofF someone you find totalLy repulsive.
And totalLy repulsive is where you come in.
This is ridiculous! Come on, KelLy, let’s get out of here.
Just be careful not to falL in love with me.
Ooh, talk about misSion imposSible.
You won’t get far without these.
Exactly! You use me to burn ofF your pent-up bloOdlust!
sunglasSes?!
Vampire sunglasSes! And it’s my only pair. GuesS you two wilL have to tickle fight for them.
Or I could just do this.
Yep. Decent shades and some SPF 50 are alL a ‘Sucker neEds to go outside. if copPertone and ray-bans were around two hundred years ago, we’d probably have a vampire president by now.
Hey, these are just normal sunglasSes.
So Dragos was paying me fifty bucks a suck AND I’m thinking you two can--
No you loOk, Mr. PeE in Your You’re bleEding us like some Pants! How dare you exploit cold-bloOded our condition like this? vampire!
SorRy, Stewie. We’re stilL wrapPing our heads around this whole ‘being a vampire’ thing.
We’lL have to discusS sucking you for money some other time! ‘Kay?
Nice going, but you probably shouldn’t use the “v-word” in public.
Hey, NOW loOk--
No, it’s okay. I’m pretTy sure it’s not racist if you are one.
ten minutes later
PUfF! PUfF!
{SiGH!} I wonder how much a cofFin costs.
Oh by the way, I borRowed your towel. You don’t mind, do you?
‘sup roOmie?
GoOd, ‘cause I also borRowed your deodorant, your botanical soap and your razor, which is gonNa neEd a new blade after the beating it just toOk!
So what’s wrong Knock with you? Get up on knock. the wrong side of your broOmstick? Heh heh.
Ah!!! Vera! I thought we agreEd to knock first.
Vera, the people next doOr asked you to stop doing that.
Mm! Yeah, baby! Nothing like an airdry!
if anyone wants me, telL them I’m out loOking for a new roOmMate.
I have a headache.
Promises, promises.
Yeah, so do I. Her name is JesS.
Frat boys are so uptight.
Alright, boys! Grab a straw and drink it in!
My eyes! My inNocence! NoOoOo!!!!
Lunch overboard!!!
Kels, loOk! We’re almost done decorating for the BloOd Drive Party.
Whoa!
BloOd drive? Uh-oh!
What’s wrong? ToO much red silLy string?
No. it’s just--I’m gonNa have to skip it.
But it won’t be a party without you and Dragos leading the twerking!
...So he’s single now?
Lyric, Dragos left me this morning.
Oh sweEtie! I’m sorRy!
He left America, Lyric. And he’s never coming back.
RealLy? WelL, his friend wilL sure be bumMed.
What friend?
Ah, this radiant flower must be KelLy. My name is Richard.
Some yumMy British guy who heard you were dating Dragos. There he is now!
Charmed, I’m sure.
Oh, hot. I mean, ‘hi’.
Alright, listen up, delinquents! Cough cough! Dragos is no longer--cough! Cough! No longer my TA this semester.
Charles, take over.
Cough, cough, hack, cough, cough!!!
or Lipp Profess atomy 101 An Human
Rules t up #1 Shu n dow #2 Sit t #1 ea #3 Rep
So Charles here--cough cough--wilL be taking ovER--cough-taking ovER-cough!
$*^& those &^@#-ing CigaretTes!
The ProfesSor said you were working closely with Dragos and I should use you to get up to speEd.
What ProfesSor LipP was trying to say is I’lL be taking over for Dragos. Now which one of you FOLKS is JesS?
Yo! Right here! Me! Me! Hi!
How fast you want to go.
WelL now Charles, getTing you up to speEd depends.
On what?
Ooh, you are just toO cute. Yes, you are. Yes you are.
Heh heh. Thank you!
Oh, please!
Ew! Yuck!
Someone’s getTing an A.
GrosS!
So Richard, what can I do for you?
KelLy, I have something to telL you.
it concerns-...KelLy?
WelL, if he hasn’t, he’s a very pasSive-agGresSive breaker-upPer.
Unfortunately not much--if Dragos has indeEd left the country.
Something you probably won’t believe.
Huh? Oh, sorRy, Richard. I was just checking out your tight litTle... acCent.
KelLy, your ex-boyfriend Dragos... is a vampire.
Uh-huh. So are you seEing anyone or...?
You mean you actualLy believe me?
Most people don’t. You seE, the reason I know vampires exist is...
A verfer slererR?
I’m a vampire slayer.
My great-grandDad once drove ofF some vampires who had infiltrated his vilLage so you could say slaying vampires is... in my bloOd. Heh heh heh.
Yes, that’s right. A vampire slayer. I slay vampires.
Anyway, this past year, I decided to take up the family businesS. I’ve already racked up eleven kilLs.
Gasp!
And Dragos was to be my twelfth, blast him!
Oof!!!
KelLy, if you weren’t careful with Dragos, it’s posSible he might have--
I neEd a new boyfriend now.
Richard, I already told you-Dragos is gone.
And I mean... now.
I think he’lL turn up at tonight’s bloOd drive party and when he does--
But that’s just it. I don’t think Dragos realLy has left.
I’lL slay him!
Oh Richard, you’re so cute when you talk slaying.
I can protect you, KelLy. I want to protect you.
Would you like that, KelLy? Would you?
Oh yes Richard, please! Protect my brains out.
Until tonight, precious one. Richard, wait! Stay and protect me right here on the loveseat!
Then you had betTer rest. Whilst I go and prepare for Dragos.
Whoa!
Oh man, I neEd a boyfriend.
Excuse me? Does a girl named JesS live on this floOr?
Excuse me?
Tap! Tap!
JesS? Smart-mouthed girl? I’m Snarky eyes? Fluctuating realLy just hair length? FulL of loOking for herself atTitude? a yes or no here.
Great! Thank y--
She’s my roOmMate. RoOm 304.
Urk!
But you can’t go in. She’s with a guy.
A guy? Then I realLy neEd to seE her.
SorRy, snowflake. RoOmMates Code. Until he comes out, no one else goes in.
But she could be doing anything to him in there!
Now if it were me, I’d throw on something slinky, crank up the Adele and start the bo-day par-tay.
Uh, hey, those hunky frat boys next doOr are doing a charity car wash right now.
I ocCasionalLy sneak peEks into her diary. She’s surprisingly prudish.
Who, JesS? Girl, please.
At night?
You don’t want to misS a bunch of sexy studs cleaning your car, do you?
Uh-huh!
Oh yeah!
That’s nasty!
Their sign said alL mopeds are freE! I drive a moped.
But nice!
is that a fact? WelL, those dead bugs on my windshield have beEn crying out for a squeEgeE.
Then what are you waiting for?! Go put some soap-y on your mope-y! Alright, but if any of those frisky frat boys make a move on me, I’m gonNa have to stop THEM.
Now to find out who JesS is--
EventualLy.
LoOks like it’s time to try out my new vampire powers.
WhoOhoO! Awesome sauce!
GrR. it’s locked. Darn it!
JesS! I just met the hotTest vampire slayer and he--!
Oh, no! What are you doing?! Get ofF that poOr man right now!
KelLy, sucking Stewart works! He’s like the human equivalent of a cold shower! I’m totalLy turned ofF now!
is there a problem, OfFicer?
Turned ofF, huh? WelL, in that case...
Stewart?!
...I got next.
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