December 2022 Special Needs Living Akron/Canton

HEY! WHY WASN’T I INVITED TO THAT PARTY?

Navigating the holidays with an autistic loved one

AUTISM PERSPECTIVE: DR. KRISTINE TURKO, BCBA, COBA

Dr. Kristine Turko is the Founder and Director of the Spectrum Education Center at the University of Mount Union.

Autism is a developmental disorder characterized by symptoms associated with social communication, restricted interests and stereotyped behavior. Social challenges include everything from difficulty making eye contact to misunderstanding subtle cues. The term “restricted interests” is used to describe an interest in something that is so strong it gets in the way of completing other important tasks. Restricted interests are also associated with challenges when transitioning from one activity to the next and adjusting to new situations. Finally, stereotyped behavior, also known as stimming, includes a repertoire of repetitive actions like rocking, hand flapping and hair pulling. The symptoms of autism vary greatly from one person to the next. In addition, autism is a non-apparent disability, which means that there are no identifiable physical characteristics. To an outsider who is unaware of an autism diagnosis, they may think a child is misbehaving or a parent is not disciplining the child appropriately.

The holidays are often characterized by heartwarming images of loving family and friends gathering to celebrate, but in reality, they are a time of stress and loneliness for many. For families navigating the holidays with an autistic loved one, the stress can be stifling — leaving them feeling isolated and wondering why those they love are not including them in family plans. Whether you are an autistic member of the community or the friend or family member of an autistic person, understanding individual differences and how to talk about them is critical in navigating relationships. Here are some suggestions to help enjoy the holiday season.

• Stick to your schedule: Knowing that transitions can be tough, remember that schedules can help create the structure needed to reduce anxiety. Don’t feel pressure to plan the entire holiday season. Taking it one day at a time is a good strategy, especially while you are on break from work or school. Plan your days with the family. Allow everyone to take control and ownership over what is happening. While some things may not be up for negotiation, there is always room for compromise. So, if dinner on Christmas Eve is being hosted by Grandma, you can choose when you arrive and leave. You can also create a plan to find space away from the crowd if you need a break.

• Prepare for events with practice: Haven’t been to Grandma’s house in a while? Looking at pictures and sharing stories about positive past experiences can help prepare for an upcoming visit. Discuss travel plans openly and think about supports for situations that typically cause stress and frustration. Look at the directions on a map, play games in the car, and decide before any event what someone can do if they are feeling frustrated. Finding a quiet space or having a code word that lets someone know you are feeling overwhelmed can both be helpful in avoiding escalated behavior.

• Avoid sensory overload: Holidays are filled with stimuli — music, crowds, and lots of bright lights, just to name a few. If crowds are overwhelming, plan trips to stores during hours that are less busy. Headphones can help damper noise in loud environments.

• Have a backup plan: No matter how carefully you plan, there will likely be some unexpected situations. Give yourself (and others) grace. If an event or situation becomes too difficult to handle, have a family plan. Family is a team, and everyone can work together to work toward the goal.

• Share strategies with friends and family: Once you take the time to plan and prepare, share your plan with others. Let your friends and family know that time together is important, and while your choices make look different than theirs, they should be valued equally. Make sure you set goals that are achievable and celebrate your victories. Happy New Year!