6 minute read
Self Care: We Need Each Other
Image by: Amanda Adams @closecallstudio
Self Care:
We Need Each Other COLUMN
https://youtu.be/nkENku6zpXw
Breana Cross-Caldwell,
BS, CI and CT Portland, Oregon
Breana Cross-Caldwell holds her CI and CT from RID, B.S. in Interpretation from Western Oregon University and is a Certified Life Coach. She has led thousands of interpreters in preventing burnout and finding the passion again in their lives through developing habits of self-care. You can find her on Instagram @brighterfocus. As part of my Burnout Proof Bootcamp, I host a monthly support call. Interpreters take this 15-hour self-paced course to improve their self-care, and the live monthly call is offered as a way to connect with each other and to get support in real-time.
Over the years I’ve had hundreds of interpreters through the course, but the support calls are usually small and intimate. You don’t have to show up live on the call to finish the course and get your CEUs - so many don’t. For those who do, the conversations and connections that happen are rich, deep, and transformative. Yet, showing up to receive support can be one of the hardest things we do.
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” -Brené Brown (Brown, 2012)
When have you taken the risk of asking for help or receiving support, and in what ways did its effects ripple through your life?
“I’m fine.”
Despite the benefits, interpreters often have a strained relationship with support. I include myself in that statement. Many of us are much more comfortable extending a hand or listening ear or eyes to others, but the moment we need help or could use support we shut it down quickly. There is a dichotomy here. On one hand we believe, “If others need me, I should be there for them,” and at the same time, “If I have a need, I better suck it up and figure it out.” In this scenario, we believe one person is worthy of support, while the other is not. What are the ramifications of holding these conflicting beliefs? If one of our core values as interpreters is equality, are we upholding equality in our acts of compassion by extending it as readily to ourselves as we do to others? (Breck, 2020). Zoom In: Exploring the foundation Bringing awareness to the foundations of a thought can help us make more intentional choices about what we believe. Brené Brown teaches a powerful prompt that we can use when uncovering internal conflict, “The story I’m telling myself is…” (Brown, 2018).
So what justification is at the root of our rejection of support? What is the story we’re telling ourselves?
The stories I hear from interpreters and coaching clients who struggle with asking for help or receiving support sound like:
“I don’t want to inconvenience anyone.” “My needs are a burden on others.” “My needs don’t matter to others.” “My needs aren’t as important as others.” “I can’t count on others to help or support
me.” “I don’t want others to see me as needy.”
When we zoom in on this overarching belief that, “I shouldn’t seek support for my needs,” we often find a whole web of beliefs, stories, and downright lies that we’ve been holding as evidence for our belief. These justifications quickly crumble in the light of our awareness (Boone, 2018).
Zoom Out: Seeing the web of life
Just as we zoomed in on this belief to examine its roots, let’s zoom out. In light of the global pandemics of COVID and systemic racism, I’ve been thinking a lot about what kind of world I want to live in and take part in creating.
I imagine living in a society that values all life,
that values the planet and systems that sustain rather than separate us. A place where our interconnectedness and interdependence are not only acknowledged - that’s the first truth we’re waking up to now - but cherished and valued.
What is possible in our world: When we allow the intricate web of life to operate to its fullest? When we hold our connections with and impact on each other as sacred? When we recognize that we need each other’s varied perspectives, wisdom, and experiences? When we are willing, able and eager to give AND receive support, because we know that we’re each an integral part of this web? When we are deeply aware of what we lose when we don’t ask for help? Making our needs known can be really tough. It requires vulnerability, bravery, and courage (Brown, 2013). But what are we trading when we don’t? What are the implications? In my coaching practice and self-care workshops with interpreters, I bear witness to the ramifications. Because we are not prioritizing our needs, not taking care of ourselves, not seeking help and receiving support: Our most intimate relationships are failing. Our bodies are revolting through illness and injury. We’re exhausted - not sleeping well at night, low on energy all day. We’re doing jobs that don’t ignite our passion - where we feel resentful, dissatisfied, and stuck. We’re frustrated with our children or worried about our inadequacies as parents. We’ve lost touch with our creativity and joy.
We need each other
One of the most painful parts of this picture, is that it’s easy to believe we’re the only one who feels this way. We believe we’re alone, but we’re not. Thousands of interpreters are feeling this way too - and the moment one is
willing to reach out and talk about it, there’s the possibility for a butterfly effect to unfold.
When interpreters show up for an hour on our support call, they listen to each other’s challenges and they say, “Me too.” “I’ve felt that way too.” “You’re not alone.” The web of connection and interdependence is suddenly illuminated, and we have the strength and courage to face another day and to try again.
These connections run deep and strong, but require us to show up as our whole, authentic, sometimes messy selves. Acknowledging our needs and receiving the support that’s available to us is the first step. Together we can create a world where each life is valued, and where our interdependence and inherent interconnectedness is celebrated and cared for.
“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to
the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” -Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
Reflection
What people, spaces, activities, or organizations are a part of your support system? When, in the last month, have you passed up an opportunity to receive support that was offered to you? What was the story you were telling yourself?
When you have received support in the past and accepted it, what effect did it have on your life or your situation? In the coming month, what’s one way that you will ask for or let yourself receive support?
Resources Boone, Matt. (2018, March). Gently Challenging Your Thinking Traps. Lyra Health Blog. https://www.lyrahealth.com/blog/gently-challenging-your-thinking-traps/ Brown, Brené. (2018). Dare to Lead: Brave
Breck, Colin. (2020). Understanding Our Core Values: An Exercise for Individuals and Teams. Colin Breck blog. https://blog.colinbreck.com/understanding-our-core-values-an-exercise-for-individuals-and-teams/
Brown, Brené. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. New York: Brown, Brené. (2013). The Power of Vulnerability - Brené Brown. TED Talk. https://www. youtube.com/watch?v=JjNtWRBdXws
Avery. Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. London, England: Vermilion.
Ktejik, Mish. (2016). Interpretation of Brené Brown The Power of Vulnerability. https:// www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKNMBiMhBlI
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