Riot Grrrl Magazine Spring 2015
Fabulous Finals: Study Jams Article by Courtney Mae Cochran I have never been someone who is good at talking about my stressors. When asked to talk about my feelings, I generally let out an annoyed sigh. I have always been someone who prides myself on my strength and most often process my stress and anxiety internally. Throughout my life, music has been a place that I can feel my emotions fully and process on my own without the influence or judgement of others. As I am now within a month of completing my Master’s Degree while working almost full-time, my stressors are many and my emotions are as stable as you would imagine with study-induced sleep deprivation. Music is my lifeblood right now. Music is my place to process, discern, strengthen and self-motivate. Pro-Tip: Stress relief playlist should be shameless. No one can judge these jams. These should be the songs that motivate you; that keep you up at 2am; that help you power through stressful times. Stress relief playlists should be packed with nostalgic songs that bring your memory to times of joy. This may be one of my few totally unfiltered playlists and it may contain songs that would others may see as anti-feminist. Yet as a feminist-music fanatic, I must confess these are my jams. This ‘Fabulous Finals: Study Jams’ playlist is filled with songs that have gotten me through some of the most stressful times. I hope they will do the same for all of you. Check out the list on Spotify.
1. “No Sleep Till Brooklyn” By The Beastie Boys Although the Beastie Boys probably didn’t write this song about sleep-deprivation from studying, it sure does the trick to pump you up for that thesis paper. This is the jock jam of nerds. 2. “Connect” By Foxy Shazam The first time I heard Foxy Shazam was in 2010 after a friend saw them open for Hole in Minneapolis and brought back one of their albums. The singer is infamous for try to smoke in an entire pack of cigarettes at once on stage. The background choir alone will motivate you towards greatness. 3. “Breakfast Can Wait” By Prince Let’s get real...what Minnesota girl doesn’t blast Prince at least once a day? Prince will forever remind me of the joint birthday parties my friend and I host that always dissolve into strange 90s music dance parties. 4. “New Lands” By Justice French house electronica is motivating on every level. If you need to pull an allnighter, Justice is where it’s at. 5. “Around the World” By Daft Punk
Although Daft Punk has many brilliant albums, when crunch time comes Homework is my album of choice. Daft Punk will always remind me of my first car that I bought off a friend who was a DJ. The car was a powder blue, ‘96 Camry (possibly missing a muffler), with a compact mirror glued onto the driver's side and a giant Daft Punk sticker on the hood. RIP, Betsy. 6. “Let’s Dance” By David Bowie What playlist with the word fabulous in the title could ever be complete without a Bowie song? 7. “Bitch” By THEESatisfaction THEESatisfaction are killing it in the hiphop scene with their new “break-up” album EarthEE. These ladies joined SleaterKinney on tour (sadly for me, not in Minneapolis) and represented feminist music that comes from a perspective almost entirely forgotten by the original Riot Grrrl Movement--that of queer women of color. 8. “Music is My Hot, Hot Sex” By CSS CSS is the perfect whiny girl dance music. I struggled as to which of their songs was best for this playlist, but decided that these lyrics best convey my relationship to music. 9. “Great DJ” By The Ting Tings
Their music is infectiously catchy and will forever remind me of the art club that all of us cool kids were in at my high school. 10. “Cosmic Thing” By The B52’s The B52’s are all things fabulous and nostalgic rolled into one band. Their music always reminds me of The Flintstones Movie with John Goodman (“Bedrock, baby!”). My friends and I also saw them open up for Cindy Lauper and Tegan & Sara at a Pride tour in high school, which even now seems totally surreal. 11. “Don’t Fucking Tell Me What To Do” By Robyn Robyn kills it in this song in which she names and owns all of her stressors and then blows them off dismissively in a jam that screams, you do you. 12. “Lovers in Captivity” By Ima Robot Recognize this voice? Ima Robot’s singer Alex Ebert went on to form Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros. I first heard Ima Robot in high school when doing a project to find songs that have parallel plotlines to some of my favorite books/short stories. “Lovers in Captivity” is paralleled with Billy Pilgrim’s life in a Tralfamadorian zoo in Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.’s Slaughterhouse-Five. 13. “Daylight” By Matt & Kim
This song will forever remind me of my road trip to Tennessee from Duluth, Minnesota with one of my best friends for Bonnaroo in 2011. There was still snow in Duluth when I left and it was over 100 degrees when we arrived in Tennessee almost 24 hours later. 14. “What Would You Do?” By City High Although this song is filled with mansplaining, it will forever remind me of one of my favorite ladies who would always belt this song out in our living room when we lived together. 15. “Hot Hot Hot!!!” By The Cure The Cure has been my favorite band since I was old enough to understand what good music means. This song is off of the album Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me, which I have on vinyl because two of my high school friends stole it for me off the set of a community theatre production. 16. “Bubble Butt” By Major Lazer Every study session needs a dance break, even if it’s fueled by slightly misogynistic lyrics. Major Lazer dominated the backtracks of the local DJ scene a few summers ago and will always make me want to shake it. (You have to admit it is catchy.) 17. “Parentheses” By The Blow
The Blow have many songs worthy of blasting on high to power-through sleepless nights. Their album Paper Television was the anthem for our canvassing team the summer that I was a campaign field manager for a grassroots environmental job creation group. 18. “Outta Sight” By Chromeo Montreal-based electro-funk anyone? “Outta Sight” starts out with sounds that have almost a parallels sound structure to the Ghostbusters’ theme song and winds through witty and catchy electronica that channels funk undertones. 19. “For Reverend Green” By Animal Collective This song reminds me of annual college road trips to Columbus, Georgia to attend the protest to close the School of the Americas military program. It was a 48hour road trip in total and one year a friend of mine decided that the only way we could stay awake was repeatedly listening to Animal Collective. Their music still has that effect for me today. 20. “Bulgarian Chicks” By Balkan Beat Box Balkan Beat Box hails from Israel and combines East European, Romany, Jewish and Middle Eastern inspired sounds with electronica to deliver complex club tracks. Try not to groove to this--I dare you.
21. “W.E.R.K. Pt. II� By Lizzo I have to end with one of my favorite Minnesota lady jams about getting shit done. I hope these jams help you get werk in stressful times.
Fat Girl Paranoia Poem by Courtney Mae Cochran Pushing, pulling, tugging… Pushing, pulling, tugging… I am still not comfortable in my own skin. Pushing, pulling, tugging… Pushing, pulling, tugging… I am still not comfortable in my own skin. I am fighting, fighting, fighting to be thin. Pushing, pulling, tugging… Pushing, pulling, tugging… I am still not comfortable in my own skin. I am fighting, fighting, fighting to be thin. Someone help me to fit in. Diet pills, tofu, kale, super foods, exercise and damn girl look at those yoga thighs. Pushing, pulling, tugging… Pushing, pulling, tugging… I am still not comfortable in my own skin. Pushing, pulling, tugging… Pushing, pulling, tugging… I am still not comfortable in my own skin.
I am fighting, fighting, fighting to be thin. Pushing, pulling, tugging… Pushing, pulling, tugging… I am still not comfortable in my own skin. I am fighting, fighting, fighting to be thin. Someone help me to fit in. Body mass index, calorie counting, vegan diets, slimming fits and plus size clothing. My head spins; my stomach growls, but I cannot silence the whispers… Did you see what fat girl just ate? Did you see what fat girl is wearing? Did you know fat girl is dating a skinny guy? Eyes turn, gossip spreads; I can’t get the messages out of my head… I bet fat girl can’t even see her own feet. I bet fat girl has never even been to the gym. I bet fat girl sinks when she tries to swim. I cover my ears, I close my eyes; I still believe these internalized lies… He can’t like me as much as skinny girl. He can’t think that I am pretty. He could never love me. I cover my ears, I close my eyes; I can’t escape my fat girl guise…
I ate too much chocolate. I look fat in this dress. I can’t be hungry again. Pushing, pulling, tugging… Pushing, pulling, tugging… I am still not comfortable in my own skin. Pushing, pulling, tugging… Pushing, pulling, tugging… I am still not comfortable in my own skin. I am fighting, fighting, fighting to be thin. Pushing, pulling, tugging… Pushing, pulling, tugging… I am still not comfortable in my own skin. I am fighting, fighting, fighting to be thin. Someone help me to fit in. Over-caffeinating, sleep deprivation, weight-loss meditations and Thinspiration … Pushing, pulling, tugging… Pushing, pulling, tugging… I am still not comfortable in my own skin. Pushing, pulling, tugging… Pushing, pulling, tugging… I am still not comfortable in my own skin.
I am fighting, fighting, fighting to be thin. Pushing, pulling, tugging… Pushing, pulling, tugging… I am still not comfortable in my own skin. I am fighting, fighting, fighting to be thin. Someone help me to fit in. I am fighting, fighting, fighting…
Poetry as Necromancy By Senia Hardwick Necromancy is the magical ability to revive, control, communicate or otherwise interact with the dead and manipulate their own life force and the life forces of others. Under this definition, I would deem to call myself a necromancer. While this may conjure to mind images of me grave robbing, that is not the means by which I execute my trade. As long as death and language existed, people have mourned and/or honored the dead through written and spoken expressions. Poetry and similar expressions function as necromancy in several ways: giving the dead a voice, allowing the speaker to address the dead, honoring and bringing memories of the dead to the present, preserving the voice of a dying subject or dead author, and allowing the poet to create their own death while still living. Speaking for the dead is the most ethically complicated of these acts, for as Diana Fuss puts in her analysis of elegy, Dying Modern, “To speak not about the dead but in the voice of the dead appears to represent the greatest violence of all, exploiting loss for the poet's own aesthetic gain.” To revive the dead by speaking as them risks overwriting the true voice of the deceased with the poet’s vision of them or modifications to them that best suit their art. Writing in the voice of the dead has been used for both honoring the dead, but is incredibly frequent
in satire as well. The satirical dead mock both society and the narcissism of the bereft living. Addressing the dead is a simpler and more direct act though it often goes unanswered. The living are creatures of the present while the dead function mainly in the past and future (via memory and the future loss of other lives). Speaking to the dead is not inherently an act of honoring them. Poems to the dead are for the catharsis of the speaker, and can address imperfect or even despised and resented figures. Though elegy is the most frequent style of communication with the dead, rectifying one’s feelings and anger towards the deceased are also an act of necromancy. Similarly, memories are a constant act of necromancy. Our entire society and world has been created by building on that which the now deceased has given us. In this way, both the world around us and our psyches function as necropolises and the philosopher’s stone respectively. By writing on our memories of the dead, we share them with the hypothetical reader and create a space in which the dead subject is again revived. Honoring the dead and highlighting their life functions similarly but is usually done with an idealized version of the deceased only and tends to be meant as a more public act of mourning, as opposed to a more private memory or conversation. The next type of necromancy, preserving voices of a dying speaker or presently dead author, is achieved by the stasis of the written word and the mere existence of a poem. A poem written in the voice of the dying preserves the speaker in a limbo between the two states. The speaker is constantly
existing in their last moments, death is always imminent and yet unrealized. Preserving the authors themselves is a very common theme in poetry, especially Shakespeare but is nonetheless an act of necromancy to be placed alongside the others. Whether an example of the poets intellect or perhaps a more intimate view of their inner world remains is more dependent on the poem, but both still function to preserve the poet. Even poems that do not address this theme directly perform this act as long as they outlive the author. The last mode of necromancy is allowing the poet to imagine their own death and create a space where they have died even as they are alive. Like speaking for the dead this tends to be a way to use death to some intellectual, philosophical, or aesthetic end. This becomes paradoxical after the poet’s demise as the poem then revives a dead voice, but that is also why poetry is one of the best means for this act, it exists comfortably within paradox.
British Actress ‘Swaggers’ and Shines in Her Stage Roles By Cheryl Spainhour British actress Joanna Bending enjoys “swaggering about” as a man onstage in the Macbeth roles of the King’s son and Bloody Soldier as much as she does playing First Witch or Lady Macduff. She is one of five professional artists in the Actors from the London Stage who recently completed a whirlwind American tour, performing a self-directed, stripped down staging of Macbeth to packed theaters at seven college campuses. This year, AFTL marks its 40th anniversary of bringing Shakespeare to college classrooms and theaters. They rehearse in England for four weeks and then fly to the United States to tour for nine weeks, hauling just one large suitcase to hold all their props for a full-length Shakespeare production without scenery or fanciful costumes. They serve as artists-in-residence, guest lecturing in classes and mingling with students and faculty. Bending was cast in Macbeth, along with Annie Aldington, Charles Armstrong, Michael Palmer and Ben Warwick. Bending could be intense or foolish or philosophical onstage, depending on what was called for in the eight roles she juggled in the show. One of the most daunting challenges the troupe faced was deciding how to play the three witches that incite murder and mayhem – they ended up portraying them as “slightly zombie-like seers.”
She studied at The Royal Academy of Dramatic Art and has worked extensively on stage and in television and film. She performed in another Macbeth production with Robert Pattinson before he starred in the Twilight movies. At the end of the AFTL tour, she returned to London to resume her role in the acclaimed play, Kingmaker – described by British theater critic Lyn Gardner as a “wryly entertaining House of Cards-style comedy about a fictional leadership race.” Offstage, Bending is jaunty and adventurous, with dark, mirthful eyes and a sly smile. I interviewed her on the last day of their American tour before the actors flew back to London to perform Macbeth at Arts in Covent Garden, an intimate theater in the West End, before disbanding. This was her first professional tour in the States. She sampled deep-fried green beans at Notre Dame in South Bend, Ind., and “had my first barbeque – a plate bigger than my head of succulent meat” at Texas A&M. She skied in Jackson Hole, Wyo., went “arse over tit” on Chicago’s icy streets and “channeled Meryl Streep” in her performances at Vassar College (Streep’s alma mater) in New York. Have you enjoyed your American tour? The audiences everywhere have been so generous. There seems to be so much positivity and support of our shows at all the universities. [It’s been] quite overwhelming and makes me admire the American spirit! I am a real American convert now. Would someone please adopt me, marry me or kidnap me so I can stay?
What’s it like traveling all over this country with four other actors? I have belly laughed and in fact cried with laughter every day. We are so fortunate to get on so well as a group. We have even developed a ridiculous imaginary family – each of us separate characters – and go into role play mode, trying to make each other laugh each time we have a long travel day. What drew you to auditioning for Macbeth and touring the United States? I have to say what drew me to this job was more the life experience that a job like this would give me rather than a career decision. And I was right to want that. This job and indeed America have not let me down! What do you like about performing stripped-down Shakespeare theater? I like the simplicity of the work, the transparency I should rather say. I think actually the story becomes clearer when there are just a few people working hard to really embody each character. There is no space for faff or fluff. What don’t you like about it? I really missed having a director! It’s very hard to step out of yourself and watch the play from an outsider’s point of view. We got a bit lost sometimes in rehearsals. What other Shakespeare plays have you performed in? I haven’t really done much Shakespeare since being at RADA- while there I drew the short straw of having to be in Julius Caesar with all the men in my
year, while the rest of the girls got to do a fantastic all-female rip-roaring comedy set in Glasgow full of joy and humor. I did another production of Macbeth a few years ago with Robert Pattinson, just before he started filming the ‘Twilight’ sagas. I played Lady Macduff in that one too. Maybe one day someone will trust me to play Lady Macbeth! In this show, you play quite a handful of characters, including the male characters of Bloody Soldier, Old Man, Malcom, Cathness and Murderer. Have you played male characters before? My first role was Joseph in Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I was 11. All the boys in my class weren't interested ... they thought singing was for sissies ... So I cut off my hair, played Joseph and they all played my brothers! Is it a stretch to do them? I love playing boys and men. It's more stretching. I like swaggering about. I like imagining I have a penis. I'm weird. Do you have a favorite character you play in Macbeth, or did it change from show to show on the tour? I love Malcolm [King Duncan's oldest son and the heir to the throne of Scotland]. I play him as an 18year-old boy – an upper crust toff who is a bit of an idiot but his heart is definitely in the right place. He cares. He will definitely grow up to be a good King! Is it challenging to play one of the witches? The witches were the hardest part of the rehearsal process. We couldn't find anything that seemed to work. We played around with lots of ideas ... drug
addicts, homeless vagabonds, little evil kids, innocent kids, old crones, society ladies ... Finally, finally we just stripped it right back to simple ... Slightly zombie-like seers. What are your plans when you return to England? Kingmaker, whom I co-star in opposite Alan Cox, is transferring to the West End in May to coincide with our General Elections in the UK. Perfect timing as I'll go home to re-rehearse in April. When do acting jobs ever fit so perfectly timing-wise? Not often, I can tell you! What are you taking back with you, if anything, from this experience? Courage that I have something valuable to impart in a classroom, love in my heart, a genuine respect for Americans, lifelong friends, enough laughter to last me quite a while!
Girl Talk Poem by Nat Emerling You told me what happened from the beginning. Not from start to finish, but from start to finish to middle to start to that part that you forgot to finish again. Your voice was calm, it was controlled from years of practice from years of speaking your words in a way that others could understand. You talk this way so that I’m not scared, like you are. So that I’m not sure, like you are that nothing is stable and everything is changing. I hold your hand, and its twitching, flexing muscles give away your anxiety. They are your complexity. These little muscles are screaming for you, they are honest for you
as your mouth chants the safe, careful words. And we are little girls together, fingers intertwined, whispering lies, knowing truths. We are little girls with knees to our chests, holding hands and trying to make sense of it. We are wishing with our eyes closed while we hold our breath and sit and shake and shiver with what we know and what we cannot say.
Men Teaching Me How To Be A Woman Poem by Alexxis Gonzales ‘Don’t curse. It’s unbecoming.’ I am a young woman, I am educated and well read. ‘Shave everything. Men don’t like body hair.’ I am a young woman, I am soft, supple, bare. ‘You aren’t allowed to wear those shorts unless you’re with me. No one else can see you dressed like that.’ I know how to be a woman because men taught me. Speak when spoken to, in a soft manner. Smile when a strange man compliments me. Wear a skirt long enough to cover my seductive knees and a top that hides my hypnotic belly button. I am woman, hear me laugh as you slow clap when I walk by.
Featured Writers & Poets Senia Hardwick is a writer and activist living in the NY Metro area. She is a staffer at Bluestockings, an independent bookstore in NYC. She describes her writing as neo-romantic, taking a post-modern and queered approach to the artistic and aesthetic values of romanticism, concerned with emotion, nature, and the transmutation of each into the other. Her poetry and fiction can be found here. Courtney Mae Cochran resides in Duluth, Minnesota currently & is originally from River Falls, Wisconsin. Courtney is a contributor to Duluth’s women’s empowerment zine, Minerva and often writes with the moniker SeatbeltHands (based on the song by Listener). Courtney works as an interfaith-congregation-based community organizer for Churches United in Ministry (chumduluth.org) and is involved in the Loaves & Fishes Catholic Worker Community. Courtney is in the process of completing a master’s degree in Social Work at the University of Minnesota Duluth. Alexxis Gonzales was born and raised in the vibrant city of Los Angeles, California but now, at the age of 19, resides in small town Odessa, Texas. When she’s not wrapping meat at the grocery store, she’s writing, reading or painting, always looking for different forms of art to reach out and submerge herself in. She graduated high school at the age of 16 but has been working full time ever since to
support herself and her family. You can find her at (http://theamericanmouth.tumblr.com/). Nat Emerling lives in the frozen wilderness of Saskatchewan, Canada. When she’s not finding her identity through cozy solitude and grilled cheese sandwiches, she is giving big sisterly advice (http://webelieveinusandyou.tumblr.com/), having sleepovers in the woods with other writer-sisters, painting sunrises, and writing in various forms. Most days you can find her on the internet talking about her life in cryptic prose-poetry via http://natemerling.tumblr.com/. She would also like a definitive answer to the question, “Do you like me? Check ☐ Yes or ☐ No.”
Riot Grrl Mag Team Jacqueline Wu Co-founder & editor-in-chief Genevieve Cordery Co-founder, president, & social media director Xavier Layne Copy editor Lora Mathis Poetry editor