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JULY 29–AUGUST 4, 2015 I VOLUME 39 I NUMBER 31

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End of the Road

Hall of Fame jockey Bill Hartack found his nal resting place in a small Missouri town BY BI L L C H R I ST I N E

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P H OTO BY JA R R E D G AST R E IC H

“We’re just trying to get a better view of the storm coming in. I’m thinking about this book I’m working on. It’s like a St. Louis yearbook featuring influential women. Girls my age could use it to find a mature voice to listen to. After meeting so many influential women since August, I thought I would like to create a book about women’s empowerment — a souvenir for St. Louis. I really hope to see the young women come together with mature women and break the communication gap, so we’re having a tea party at Blank Space on August 14 at 7 p.m. [tea with Mula Rouge] to help launch the project.” –CASHEREL THIRDKILL, SPOTTED ON CHEROKEE STREET, JULY 19.

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8 END OF THE ROAD Hall of Fame jockey Bill Hartack found his final resting place in a small Missouri town BY BILL CHRISTINE

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Standout dispatches from our news blog, updated all day, every day

GOP Candidate for Governor Reportedly Lived as Gay Man Until “Religious Experience” ast Monday, when state senator Bob Dixon stood on his front porch in Springfield and announced his intention to seek the Republican nomination for governor, he delivered several lines that drew applause, including this one: “I’ve spent almost 23 years as a strong supporter of traditional marriage.” He didn’t elaborate at the time, but it’s been a long journey up to this point for Dixon, 46, who reportedly once lived as a gay man until a spiritual epiphany turned him straight. Dixon himself spoke about his history with homosexuality at a Springfield City Council meeting in 1991, according to a report in the Springfield News-Leader. Then in his early twenties, Dixon claimed that he’d lived as homosexual for five years until an undefined “religious experience” in October 1988. Dixon’s mother, former state representative Jean Dixon, told the newspaper that her son’s “struggles” with homosexuality nearly led him to suicide that same month. Her son’s ordeal, she said, informed her opposition to Missouri State University’s 1989 production of The Normal Heart, a play that deals unflinchingly with the AIDS crisis. “It had been a heartache I had to deal with, and it was a tough one,” Jean Dixon told the News-Leader of her son’s gay lifestyle. Bob Dixon would soon go on to marry a woman, have three kids and serve fifteen years as a Missouri lawmaker, first in the House and then the Senate. On July 20, Dixon announced his intention to join an already crowded field of Republican gubernatorial hopefuls. “It is my faith in God that helps me to daily set the compass,” Dixon said, according to a recording of the speech by Springfield’s KTTS (94.7 FM). “I hope the people of Missouri will accept my record of service as a reflection of my faith in the Almighty, because that frankly is at the core of what I do.” Dixon’s political résumé hardly resembles that of his mother’s, who gained infamy by spearheading the opposition to The Normal Heart. The play went on, but Jean Dixon’s moral crusade was accompanied by darker forces — a bomb threat at the college’s theater preceded an arson attack on a house that was being rented by one of the play’s main backers. The arson was never solved.

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As for her son, Bob Dixon has largely followed the conservative pack during his career in politics. He was among the supporters of a 72-hour waiting period for women seeking abortion, a law which went into effect last year. From his porch, Dixon touted his support for family values, including “traditional marriage.” “I believe it’s faith in the future and strong families that are essential to our state’s spiritual and economic health,” Dixon said. “I also

know that some of you here today have different opinions than I do on some issues. It’s true, I’m 100 percent pro-life. I’m strong supporter of the Second Amendment.” But there’s another side to Dixon’s legacy as a lawmaker. Last year, his cooperation with openly gay Democratic Senator Jolie Justus resulted in a sweeping reform of Missouri’s criminal code. During a press conference at the capitol, Dixon was asked if, as governor, he would

Nonprofit Takes Hygiene to the Homeless — By Truck

aybe you’ve given a homeless person spare change. Or even a sandwich. But what about a shower? “We can give people food all they want, but if they don’t have proper hygiene, then they won’t get a job,” explains Jon Hiltz. “People get in a rut of feeling worthless, and if they feel dirty, then they don’t even want to be around people and do something for themselves.” That’s the animating philosophy behind Shower to the People, a nonprofit launched by Hiltz and cofounder Jake Austin. Their aim is to provide showers and other basic hygiene necessities to St. Louis’ homeless population through a portable shower truck. Hiltz and Austin have been working with the homeless in several capacities, such as volunteering at food pantries and working with the Urban Mission (another nonprofit). After they saw the need for basic hygiene, they swung into action. “We don’t think people are on the streets because they’re lazy,” says Hiltz. “Many times, they fall into addiction, various life circumstances. There are many veterans on the street. I myself am a veteran and suffering from PTSD, so I work with those kind of people as well.”

support an LGBT nondiscrimination law. His answer was recorded by The Missouri Times: “I think the wise thing to do about any legislation is to wait until I see it before me,” he said, adding, “I think it’s a sad day when we have to have laws to tell us to treat people with respect.” A reporter interjected: “Clearly, when we don’t have those laws, people don’t get treated with respect.” “That is a truth in American history,” Dixon said, “and I think that hearkens back to the core of my campaign — renewing America’s spirit that Ronald Reagan talked about, and that’s what we’re talking about today, renewing Missouri’s spirit and bringing people together rather than dividing people. I think we can do so much more that way, together, respecting people. And, yes, we do have to have laws, as witnessed by the revised criminal code. Senator Justus is a friend of mine. I have tremendous respect for her. I will reserve judgement for any legislation until it’s on my desk.” We reached Senator Dixon by phone, but only briefly. He did not deny the details contained the Springfield News-Leader article from 1991, which is excerpted here in an obscure Ozark blog. Before hanging up, Dixon promised he would send a statement. We’re still waiting, but we’ll update the story if/when we hear back from Dixon. — DANNY WICENTOWSKI

The duo started a GoFundMe account to raise $5,000 to purchase the vehicle needed for the moving operation. After meeting their goal and purchasing the truck, they got some help from Apache Village, an RV dealership in Hazelwood. When Apache Village heard what the truck would be used for, it donated all of the labor needed to convert the truck into a “Shower to the People” truck. Hiltz explains that the truck is in the final stages of completion. All that’s left is the generator installation. They expect the truck to be up and running by August 1. “The truck is going to move around. All we need is a fire hydrant. As long as we have diesel fuel in the truck, the generator will allow us to make hot water,” explains Hiltz. Several churches and organizations continue to donate soap and other cleaning supplies. Mrs. B’s handmade soap out of Cedar Hill donates approximately 300 bars every month to Shower to the People. “I post on Facebook what we need, and every week we hand out soap,” says Hiltz. Hiltz plans to park the truck in front of homeless shelters and other locations in and around downtown. He hopes to have the truck out every day, whether it’s run by him or other volunteers, so that they can service the 1,300 homeless people living in or around St. Louis. Although showers are the first priority, Hiltz plans to soon have a barber, medical personnel and laundry services on board. To learn more about Shower to the People — and its other projects — visit www.showertothepeoplestl.org. — EMILY MCCARTER

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End of the Road HALL OF FAME JOCKEY BILL HARTACK FOUND HIS FINAL RESTING PLACE IN A SMALL MISSOURI TOWN BY BI L L C H R I ST I N E

grew up in East St. Louis, Illinois, and lived there and in Belleville for 26 years without ever hearing of Iberia, Missouri. But then I started writing a biography about Bill Hartack, the Hall of Fame jockey who won the Kentucky Derby a record-tying five times, and right off I needed a Missouri state map. Hartack, who died in 2007, was buried in tiny Iberia, 900 miles from where he suffered his fatal heart attack, and in a state where he never lived and never rode a horse. How could that be? He was left light-years removed from the neon of New York, the towering palms of Florida and California, the architectural grandeur of Chicago and the twin spires of Kentucky’s Churchill Downs, all places where with a strong left hand and an innate sense of horsemanship he coerced bloodstock into running farther and faster than most. Always the bachelor, with no children and two surviving sisters who had left his life decades before, Hartack was virtually pre-ordained to fall into the purview of Gary Condra after he died. Condra was his oldest friend, by a margin of about a half a century, he was from Iberia, and there was room in his family’s section of the local cemetery. Connecting the dots was not that hard. “We hit it off right away,” Condra says of the friendship that began in the late 1950s. “I don’t rightly know why. I’ve asked myself a hundred times what made it happen, and never came up with the answer. It just happened, that’s all.” Condra was not one of a kind, but he was close. The working subtitle for my book is something about how Hartack “won all those Kentucky Derbys and insulted almost everybody.” But not Condra. “We never had an argument,” he says. “Not a real argument.”

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he wry Red Smith, a Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist whose formative years at the old St. Louis Star were part of his yellow-brick road to New York, once gave directions to the historic Saratoga race track by saying: “To get there from New York City, you drive north for about 175 miles, turn left on Union Avenue, and go back 100 years.” So it is with Iberia. Condra was born 80 years ago in a remodeled log cabin to an Iberian cattle-and-wheat farmer and his wife. He revisited home this Memorial Day weekend by flying from Miami to St. Louis, renting a car and driving 140 miles almost due west. If you see the Rolla sign on Route 44, you’ve gone too far, although Condra knew the route to Iberia by heart. He returned to his parents’ graves at the Iberia Cemetery, alongside dozens of family members, and inspected the rose bush he’d planted at Hartack’s headstone a year ago. (It’s blooming like crazy.) While keeping his parents’ small farm, Condra has lived in South Florida since his mid-twenties. A bachelor, he exports and imports cars, working with dealers in the Bahamas and Costa Rica. He’s a slick salesman, right? Cornpone smart? Condra giggles while considering the questions. He giggles a lot. Not really a giggle, but a chuckle. Well, maybe a half-giggle and a half-chuckle. “I’m the farthest thing from a salesman,” he says. “If I needed to be a salesman, I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing. Not that I couldn’t do it, but it would just be something that I wouldn’t want to do. It’s mostly referrals. That, and paying attention to what needs to be paid attention to.” Unlike Condra, many of today’s Iberians have never left their hometown. The population, at 700, has held steady. Condra’s parents, lifelong residents, were well into their 80s when they died there. When I ask Mary Hammack, who is 96 and whose grandfather — John “Squire” Ferguson — was once the mayor, what kept Iberians in Iberia, she says, “It’s just a great little place to live.” I ask Condra if he and Hartack, born two years apart, ever discussed death as they moved north of 70. I would have been surprised if they had: Hartack lived for the moment, and didn’t have a philosophical bone in his body. He acknowledged, but never contemplated, his navel. “No, none of that stuff,” Condra confirms. “But if we had, I can just imagine how it might have went. He would have said to me, ‘Where you gonna get buried?’ I would have said, ‘Back home in Iberia.’ And he would have said, ‘Well, that’s good enough for me.’” In 2002, Phil Georgeff, who was the premier racecaller at Chicago tracks for 23 years, ranked Hartack, Eddie Arcaro and Bill Shoemaker as the greatest jockeys of all time, in no particular order. Based solely on his Kentucky Derby ledger, Hartack would be No. 1. His five Derby wins came

in 1957 (Iron Liege), 1960 (Venetian Way), 1962 (Decidedly), 1964 (Northern Dancer) and 1969 (Majestic Prince) — and he needed only twelve tries to tie Arcaro’s record. Arcaro, who recorded his fifth win in 1952, rode in the race 21 times. Only one other jockey is close to those two, and it took Bill Shoemaker 26 cracks to get his four Derby wins. In a U.S. career that stretched from 1952 to 1974 (he later rode six seasons in Hong Kong), Hartack won 4,272 races. His 19.8 win percentage was extraordinary for a jockey. In 1959, at 26, he was elected into the Racing Hall of Fame at Saratoga Springs, New York. He’s still the youngest rider to ever be enshrined. But there was a very dark side. Hartack brooded his way through most of his almost 75 years. His father, a hard-bitten western Pennsylvania coal miner, didn’t spare the rod, and Hartack seemed to spend the rest of his life lashing back. No one was exempt: His sisters, his fellow jockeys, the horse owners and trainers he rode for; racing officials, track managers and the agents who booked his riding assignments; and especially journalists, who admired the insatiable way he piled up wins, yet grew loathe to talk to him afterwards. He would tolerate fans — as long as they didn’t call him Willie — and if there was a crack in his crankiness, it was an inexplicable love for children. He was aloof in the jockeys’ room. Hobnobbing with competitors, he said, wasn’t good for business. He didn’t speak to Arcaro for several years. He could be brutally frank with horse owners and their trainers in assessing the stock they gave him to ride, a candor that closed doors to some of the biggest stables in the game. Once, minutes after losing a race, a trainer asked Hartack, his jockey, what he thought. “You had binoculars,” Hartack snapped. “Couldn’t you see for yourself?” He split with one of his many agents, who had been booking his mounts for only five months, on the morning of the Belmont Stakes in which he and Northern Dancer tried to sweep the Triple Crown (the colt finished third). He trusted few turf writers, and after one of his Derby wins he asked three of them to leave the jockeys’ room before an interview could begin. Time magazine, which put him on the cover in 1958, said it was a shame that he didn’t get along with people the way he did with horses.

he night that Condra first met Hartack, at a bar at the Miami Springs Villas in Florida, they were both ogling Eastern Airlines trainees, who were attending a stewardesses’ school there. Condra had been to the race track maybe three times and didn’t know who Hartack was, even though the jockey was already a star. A 1951 graduate (with 25 others) of Iberia High School, Condra had taken a nibble at studying journalism at the University of Missouri, then joined the Air Force. After his discharge, he went to South Florida to visit his younger brother, a retired Navy pilot. He took a job with a car-leasing company and stayed. One of the places to go in the late 1950s was the Villas, a sprawling, Spanish-style hotel that had six bars and nine dining rooms. At any one time, dozens of young single women would be staying there through Eastern Airlines. Hartack, who lived across the street in a rambling ranch house he had bought and remodeled, was also keeping a suite at the Villas. He was known to pick up the tab for the school’s graduation parties. In 1957, the year of his first Derby win, his horses earned a record $3 million. Jockeys typically bank 10 percent of what their horses earn, and Hartack was one of the richest athletes in continued on page 10

“HE WOULD HAVE SAID TO ME, ‘WHERE YOU GONNA GET BURIED?’ I WOULD HAVE SAID, ‘BACK HOME IN IBERIA.’ AND HE WOULD HAVE SAID, ‘WELL, THAT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.’”

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the country. Not many baseball players had even reached six-figure status yet. Both Condra and Hartack liked to play cards, hunt and fish, and they would go water-skiing near the 79th Street Causeway in Miami. They hunted and fished in Mexico and all over the U.S., frequently on days off near tracks where Hartack was riding. (When Hartack died, he and Condra had been scheduled to go fishing in Costa Rica a few weeks later.) Like Condra, Hartack never married. He dated the pop singer Connie Francis, a few Hollywood starlets and at least one Playboy Playmate of the Month. The closest Hartack came to marriage, Condra says, was when he fell in love with the daughter of an Australian trainer when he rode in Hong Kong in the late 1970s. Condra’s disinterest in racing was hunky-dory with Hartack, who liked to leave the horses at the track after he finished a day of riding. “If I asked a question about the horses, Bill would take the time to answer it, because he wanted me to know,” Condra says. “But Bill wasn’t the

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Two of the greatest jockeys in racing history: Bill Hartack and Eddie Arcaro at Delaware Park in 1957. sort who volunteered a lot.” Their backgrounds were similar, at least on paper. They were both small-town guys who had grown up working hard on the family farms. Condra remembers baling hay for his father in 105-degree, St. Louis-like heat and humidity. Hartack was from Ebensburg, Pennsylvania, 70 miles east of Pittsburgh and, while four times the size of Iberia, still just a village of about 3,000. Ebensburg has a stop-and-go light now, but Iberia never did. William Hartack Sr., who was Slavic-born and came to the United States when he was two, worked in the mines to support his wife and their three children: Evelyn, whom everybody called “Dolly,” was born in 1931; Bill in 1932; and a second girl, Maxine, in 1939. Then tragedy struck. In 1940, while the two oldest children were in grade school, the elder Hartack, a new paycheck in his pocket, his wife Nancy continued on page 12

“EVERY CHRISTMAS, HE WOULD REMEMBER HIS MOTHER, SO EVEN THEN WAS NOT A COMPLETELY HAPPY TIME FOR HIM.”

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Hartack continued from page 10

THE NEXT YEAR HE WON 350 RACES, WHICH WAS MORE THAN ANYONE BUT BILL SHOEMAKER, WHO HAD A THREE-ANDA-HALF YEAR HEAD START. 12

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and their thirteen-month-old Maxine were heading to Johnstown for Christmas shopping. There was a horrible accident with a truck, and the Hartack car was tossed into a ditch. Baby Maxine was thrown through the windshield, while Nancy Hartack, 28, died on Christmas Day. William Hartack Sr. was hospitalized for several months (a neighbor and her sister tended to Bill and Dolly). A doctor came into the father’s hospital room with a release form so they could amputate little Maxine’s left arm. The father told the doctor to do something else. Today, Maxine slightly favors two fingers, but otherwise has full use of the arm and hand. Not long after the elder Hartack and his toddler daughter left the hospital and reconnected with Bill and Dolly at their rustic farmhouse, the home burned to the ground. They all got out, but lost everything except an old Zenith radio, the father’s saxophone and a few books from a set of encyclopedias. “Bill never liked to talk about any of those things,” Condra says. “You knew never to bring them up. Every Christmas, he would remember his mother, so even then was not a completely happy time for him. A guy like me, who grew up sort of normal, had trouble relating to all the misery he went through.” The future jockey was an honor student. He stopped growing at five-foot-four, much like the rest of the family. His father was the tallest, at five-foot-seven. Young Bill barely weighed 100 pounds, and in school they called him “Runt” or “Termite.” For the graduation photo, they Hartack’s fifth and final Derby win. Gary Condra is far left, barely visible, in the tan jacket and jeans. After the winner’s circle presentation, he carried the trophy back to the jockeys’ room. planted him at the end of the front row, next to nine girls, the shortest pupils in the class. After graduation, he wanted to join the Navy, but they said he was too small. He wanted to work at Bethlehem Steel, but they said he had to wait until he turned eighteen. He talked about coal mining, but his father wouldn’t permit it. Then a friend of his father’s, who worked at a race track in West Virginia, said he was the right size for a jockey. Hartack took a bus to Charles Town, West Virginia, and found a veteran trainer, Junie Corbin, who was willing to teach him from the ground up. Before he turned twenty, in the fall of 1952, Hartack was at another West Virginia track, Waterford Park, where he rode one of Corbin’s horses for his first win. The next year he won 350 races, which was more than anyone but Bill Shoemaker, who had gotten a three-and-a-halfyear head start. The year after that, Hartack was second to Shoemaker again, but he beat him and everyone else in 1955, with 417 wins, and he would lead the country in wins and/or purses five more times. As for Hartack’s father, he never remarried. After a few years of riding, Hartack bought him a farm in Charles Town. The father relished the opportunity, raising 80 Angus cattle at a time. He was out of the mines, where in his best year he earned $5,000, and not scrimping for the first time. But in 1963, more than twenty years after his wife’s tragic death, 55-year-old Hartack Sr. was shot dead with his own 22-caliber handgun. He and his girlfriend had a violent argument at the farm; there was a struggle over

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the gun and one of the six discharged bullets hit Hartack Sr. in the chest. The girlfriend, who recovered from a shot in her arm, pleaded guilty to involuntary manslaughter and was sentenced to five years. At the time of the shooting, 30-year-old Bill Hartack, with three of his five Derby wins already in his pocket, was riding at Delaware Park, 150 miles away. Their father’s funeral was the last time all three Hartack children were together. Dolly had married a metallurgist and moved to Cleveland. She later moved to Southern California, divorced, fell in love again and now lives in Las Vegas. As for Maxine, Bill promised to pay for her college, but she dropped out after two years and married Joe French Sr., a jockey. Her brother fretted all the way through that romance. He had told Maxine to stay away from the track — “there are too many low-lifes out there” — but French came to Miami one weekend to ride, and asked Maxine out. “He was very handsome,” she recalls. “All the girls were after him.” Eventually the couple divorced; Maxine, who has since remarried, now lives in Charles Town. “A long time after our father died, I wrote Bill to ask him why he never contacted me,” Maxine says. “I asked him what I had done to cause that, because I couldn’t think of anything. I don’t think it was because I married a jockey. People told me that he didn’t answer the letter because he probably never got it. “But after he died, they found that letter in his possessions. It was unopened. He got it, but he never read it.”

ust before Thanksgiving in 1968, Hartack was hunting elk in Montana when somebody tracked him down and said that John Longden, the trainer of a young, unraced horse named Majestic Prince, wanted him to hurry to San Francisco and ride. Ha r t a c k wa s a l m o s t 3 6, continued on page 14

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Hartack continued from page 12

which is not old for a jockey, but he was fighting a weight issue, he had almost talked himself out of working for any major stable again. For all of 1968, he barely won 100 races, which would have been four months of riding during palmier days.

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But Hartack knew about Majestic Prince’s potential, because he had exercised the horse earlier in the year. He acquiesced, and Majestic Prince, never ridden by anyone but Hartack, gave him his record-tying fifth Kentucky Derby win in 1969. As Hartack’s guest, Condra had already seen him win two earlier Derbys, and he was in Louisville for Majestic Prince’s bid as well. Tad Dowd, another friend of Hartack’s, tried to crash the winner’s circle with Condra for the post-race hullabaloo. Dowd looked silly in a derby hat, something Hartack considered lucky. There was a crudely lettered “Go Prince” piece of cardboard taped around the crown. Hartack had not yet dismounted when Dowd, only a few feet away, was stopped by two ushers. Dowd, squatting so he wouldn’t block photographers, tried to plead his case. Finally, Condra, trying

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to sound authoritative, shouted to the ushers: “Hey! That guy’s with me!” “Oh, OK,” one of the ushers said. “Go ahead, guys.” He hadn’t noticed that Condra, like Dowd, wasn’t wearing a badge. And so on the trophy presentation stand, in the middle of the Churchill Downs infield before 100,000 fans, there was Dowd, in his silly derby, standing behind Hartack, the wife of Majestic Prince’s owner and the governor of Kentucky for the official photograph. “You know,” Dowd says, “until I saw those pictures, I had no recollection that any of that happened. Bill was toward the end of his career in the U.S., and I was so happy that he had won another Derby. I guess I drifted off into never-never land after the horse crossed the finish line.” By 1974, Hartack’s Derby mounts had been downgraded to horses who really didn’t belong in the race. The day-to-day part of his business was also at low ebb. He accepted a lucrative deal to ride in Hong Kong, where horses can carry higher weights than in the U.S., and rode there seasonally for six years. “He loved it over there,” Condra says. In the early 1980s, with Hong Kong behind him, Hartack quickly became an accomplished racing official in the U.S. — even though he was denied jobs at many major tracks because of bridges he

artack had died on November 26 near Freer, Texas, 65 miles from the Mexican border, while just starting a hunting trip. He was fourteen days shy of his 76th birthday. Almost every year, he went there for deer and feral hogs on a game preserve of thousands of acres. He had arrived before the rest of his party, and a game warden, curious that a car with Louisiana plates hadn’t been moved in a couple of days, found him face up on the floor of his leased cabin. The medical examiner said that the cause was heart disease. “It’s possible that he had it and didn’t know it,” says. Roseann Williams, a Los Angeles realtor who dated Hartack in the 1970s. “He smoked three packs of cigarettes a day, and I don’t think he ever quit. Bill was never much for doctors.” Condra called Hartack’s sisters, who by then had heard about their brother’s death from media reports. Hartack hadn’t spoken to Dolly for about 40 years, Maxine even longer. The sisters agreed that Condra should be executor of the estate, and in a few days he told them about his plan to bury Hartack in Iberia. Condra flew to Texas to claim the

C O U R T E SY O F G A R Y C O N D R A

had burned while riding. At California’s Hollywood Park in 1984, even though he was a minor official, Hartack was entrusted by the three stewards with conducting a hearing that settled an appeal by two losing horse owners over the running of the $3 million Breeders’ Cup Classic, the richest race in the land. I was there. Hartack was brilliant with his analysis of the film footage of the race. “I still don’t agree with the stewards,” said one of the owners as he left the room. “But after the way Hartack laid it out, I gotta go along.” In the fall of 2007, Hartack’s assignment as a steward at the Fair Grounds in New Orleans was winding down. He and Condra had found more time to hunt and fish, and in November Condra called from Florida and they scheduled the fishing trip for Costa Rica in January. They would see plenty of sailfish and grouper down there, and Condra might even broker a few cars in the bargain. Instead, weeks later, Condra got a call from Steve Stidham, a former race-track photographer who was now running his own photo business in Texas. Stidham, the son of George Stidham, a former jockey who had been Hartack’s business manager and part-time agent over the years, had been contacted by several media outlets. They were running obituaries of Bill Hartack and needed photographs. Steve Stidham was well aware of the close relationship between Hartack and Condra. Condra who was the first person he called. That’s how Condra learned that his best friend was gone.

body and had it flown to Missouri. There was a graveside service in Iberia in early December, followed by a memorial service in Florida — mostly for horsemen — where the trainer T.J. Kelly, who gave Hartack horses to ride early in his career, delivered a stirring eulogy. At the Iberia service, which was not well-publicized, about 40 people attended, most of them friends of Condra’s from the town. Churchill Downs sent a representative, which was a mild surprise. Although that was the track where Hartack’s greatest victories came, Churchill and Hartack were no longer simpatico — Hartack was known to say no when they invited him to do promotional appearances for the Derby. There are 1,328 graves in the Iberia Cemetery, almost twice the number of people who live in the town. Condra’s great-great uncle Andy and his three brothers, who fought for the Union army in the Civil War, are among the more than 30 Condras buried there. There is a large Condra grave marker just behind Hartack’s. The $100-a-month mayor of Iberia, Jim Schlupp, says he was not familiar with Hartack until workers in his office began

Gary Condra (left) and Bill Hartack (right) on a Florida fishing trip. discussing him several years ago. Pretentiousness not being his bag, Condra didn’t want the headstone for his best friend to be the biggest or the tallest in the cemetery, but the grave is still one of the most impressive on the grounds. The granite marker reads: “William ‘Bill’ Hartack. Born Dec. 9, 1932. Died Nov. 26, 2007. Winner of Five Kentucky Derbys. One of the World’s Greatest Jockeys. Dedicated to Honesty and Integrity in Racing.” Next to the grave is an eight-foot-long bench with Hartack’s name and dates engraved. “I imagine that if you asked around Iberia, not many would know who Bill Hartack was,” Condra says. “All a lot of people would tell you is that there’s a famous jockey, and he’s buried out there. But I’m glad I did what I did. I know Bill is happy there.” ■ Bill Christine lives in Redondo Beach, California. His biography of Bill Hartack is scheduled to be published by McFarland & Co. Inc., Publishers next year.

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SAINT LOUIS ORCHESTRA ROBERT HART BAKER Conductor

Annual Pops Concert Friday, August 7 • 8 P.M. Queeny Park (Greensfelder Complex) 550 Weidman Rd., Ballwin, MO With special guest artists Lindsey McKee, soprano & Keith Boyer, tenor

Chuck Sayre (arr.): Broadway Showstoppers Andrew Lloyd Webber: Medley from “Jesus Christ Superstar”, arr. Henry Mancini Giuseppe Verdi: Duets from “La Traviata”: Brindisi and Parigi O Cara Stephen Sondheim: A Little Priest and My Friends from “Sweeney Todd”, Send In The Clowns from “A Little Night Music” John Williams: Suite from “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” Franz Lehar: Vilia and Lippen Schweigen from “The Merry Widow” Frederick Loewe: I Could Have Danced All Night from “My Fair Lady” Alan Silvestri: Forrest Gump Suite, arr. Calvin Custer Claude-Michel Schonberg: I Dreamed A Dream and Bring Him Home from “Les Miserables” Jerome Kern: Make Believe from “Showboat” George Gershwin: Someone To Watch Over Me and Embraceable You Leonard Bernstein: Maria from “West Side Story” Billy Joel: Movin’ Out – The Best Of Billy Joel, arr. Chuck Sayre Richard Rodgers: Something Good from “The Sound Of Music”, We Kiss In A Shadow from “The King And I”, People Will Say We’re In Love from “Oklahoma

Table Seats - $30; Gallery Seats - $15

FOR TICKETS OR INFORMATION

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www.stlphilharmonic.org

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NIGHT + DAY ®

W E E K O F J U LY 3 1 – A U G U S T 5

Jordan Shanahan stars as Rigoletto at Union Avenue Opera.

F R I D AY |07.31 [FILM]

TOMMY WISEAU: THE ROOM

What elevates The Room above being just another “worst movie ever made” is the passion of its producer, writer, director and star, Tommy Wiseau. Self-financed at a cost of $6 million, The Room was conceived as a romantic melodrama about a banker (Wiseau) who is betrayed by his fiancée. But when audiences responded to the clunky dialog and Wiseau’s eccentric performance with laughter and raspberries, Wiseau retroactively characterized the film as a carefully calculated black comedy. His latest effort is The Neighbors, a sitcom that attempts to build on his newfound reputation for comedy. But he again misses the mark, this time by being too self-

aware and trading The Room’s endearing earnestness for broad strokes of humor. Wiseau appears at the Landmark Tivoli Theatre (6350 Delmar Boulevard, University City; 314-727-7271 or www.landmarktheatres. com) for midnight screenings of The Room this Friday and Saturday (July 31 and August 1). The premiere episode of The Neighbors will also be shown both nights. Tickets are $15. — MARK FISCHER [ART EXHIBIT]

ART OF ILLUSTRATION

Pre-existing notions of illustration have been ripped up and scattered to the four winds. But from prehistoric cave paintings to Japanese and Chinese woodcuts, on to the later etchings, engravings and lithographs employed in the West, illustration as a medium of both art and commerce peaked in cultural power by the early twentieth

century. Toward the close of that century, photography had stolen the former golden child’s thunder. But illustration is back in rude health again — albeit in new T H IS C O D E TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE permutations. The RIVERFRONT TIMES old art form now IPHONE/ANDROID APP incorporates multiple FOR MORE EVENTS OR VISIT digital platforms and, riverfronttimes.com yep, photography; and if the venerable discipline of actual draftsmanship isn’t quite the prerequisite it once was, innate aesthetic IQ still very much is. You can witness the current state of the practice at Art of Illustration, the new exhibition at the St. Louis Artists’ Guild and Galleries (12 North Jackson Avenue, Clayton;

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314-727-6266 or www.stlouisartistsguild.org). Art of Illustration opens with a free reception from 5 to 8 p.m. Friday, July 31. The show remains up through Saturday, August 22, and the gallery is open Tuesday through Saturday. — ALEX WEIR [OPERA]

RIGOLETTO

Giuseppe Verdi’s Rigoletto comes from the late-middle period of the composer’s productive life, when he was incorporating more realism in his operas. The title character is a hunchbacked jester who serves the Duke of Mantua. The Duke is a rapacious despoiler of women, a hobby that Rigoletto underscores by openly mocking the husbands of the Duke’s conquests. One of those cuckolded husbands curses Rigoletto for his sharp tongue, and in very short order that curse reaches fruition: The Duke now fancies continued on page 18

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Rigoletto’s daughter, a beautiful woman Rigoletto has thus far successfully kept hidden from the courtiers. Despite Rigoletto’s best intentions, the bloom of first love lures his daughter from safety, and then everything comes crashing down. Union Avenue Opera continues its season with Rigoletto. The opera is performed in Italian with English subtitles at 8 p.m. Friday and Saturday (July 31 through August 8) at Union Avenue Christian Church (733 North Union Avenue; 314-361-2881 or www.unionavenueopera.org). Tickets are $32 to $52. — PAUL FRISWOLD

dangerous humorist whose puissant mix of black humor and satire pulls no punches. His new standup tour finds him mining his past failures and successes for more unconventional laughs than your typical comedian. Goldthwait performs sets at 7:30 and 9:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday (July 30 and August 1) at the Funny Bone (32 Meramec Valley Plaza, Valley Park; 636529-1201 or www.stlouisfunnybone.com/ valleypark). Tickets are $20. — ROB LEVY

S AT U R D AY |08.01

Cycling enthusiasts, rejoice — the Grove Criterium returns with a 1.2 mile-long course that has six turns packed in that short circuit. It’s billed as a technical race that will challenge all divisions of riders, from juniors to elite racers. All heats have a set time limit, with the cyclists trying to complete as many laps as possible in that time. The first heat starts at 1 p.m. today in front of Urban Chestnut Brewing Company (4465

[COMEDY]

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT

For more than three decades Bobcat Goldthwait has done it all — standup, acting, writing, voiceover and directing. His turbulent ride to fame and fortune established Goldthwait as a daring and

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[CYCLING]

THE GROVE CRITERIUM

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Manchester Avenue; www.thegrovecrit.com). Non-cyclists can enjoy Urban Chestnut’s beer garden, or visit neighborhood restaurants and businesses. Registration for potential racers is $40 on the day of the event; spectating is free. — PAUL FRISWOLD [THEATER]

THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF HEDDA GABLER

Henrik Ibsen’s classic drama Hedda Gabler ends with its heroine shooting herself. Jeff Whitty’s The Further Adventures of Hedda Gabler picks up immediately after the fatal gunshot. Hedda wakes up, and discovers she’s doomed to exist eternally only as a tragic literary figure. Fortunately, she’s not alone. Mammy, the black stereotype of a domestic servant created during Hollywood’s golden age, is there, as is bloodthirsty Medea and poor Ophelia. Can these fictional women change their fates? This irreverent comedy from the man who wrote Avenue Q at least offers them the opportunity to try. St. Louis

Shakespeare opens its new season with The Further Adventures of Hedda Gabler. Performances take place at 8 p.m. Friday and Saturday and 2 p.m. Sunday (July 31 through August 9) at the Ivory Theatre (7620 Michigan Avenue; 314-361-5664 or www.stlshakespeare. org). There is one 7:30 p.m. show on Thursday, August 6. Tickets are $15 to $20. — PAUL FRISWOLD

T U E S D AY | 0 8 . 0 4

[ANIME]

DRAGON BALL Z: RESURRECTION F

In 1989, following the incredible success of the Dragon Ball manga and anime, series creator Akira Toriyama chose to title the sequel series Dragon Ball Z. Fearing that he was running out of ideas, Toriyama added the last letter of the alphabet to signify that the end was near. But more than a quarter of a century later, the Dragon Ball saga still shows no signs of slowing down. And how could it? Stories

J O N G I TC H O F F

about a diverse group of martial artists who defend the Earth from intergalactic threats (who are usually accomplished martial artists themselves) offer endless storytelling T H IS C O D E possibilities. The TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE RIVERFRONT TIMES latest feature film IPHONE/ANDROID APP in the series, Dragon FOR MORE EVENTS OR VISIT Ball Z: Resurrection riverfronttimes.com F, sees the return of fan-favorite villain Frieza as well as series creator Toriyama, who has personally overseen the production of the film. Resurrection F is broadcast nationwide to participating movie theaters on Tuesday and Wednesday (August 4 and 5). Catch it locally at 7 p.m. at the Regal St. Louis Mills 18 (5555 St. Louis Mills Boulevard, Hazelwood; www. fathomevents.com). Tickets are $13. — MARK FISCHER

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W E D N E S D AY |08.05

North Euclid Avenue; 314-367-6731 or www. left-bank.com). The event is free. — ALEX WEIR

[LITERARY EVENT]

[ C U LT C L A S S I C ]

RINKER BUCK: OREGON TRAIL

MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE

Who doesn’t love a road trip? Sometimes you have to climb out of the ditch of the stifling same-old-same-old and into new scenery, new and reinvigorating states of mind. So, say you want to drive from Missouri to Oregon’s Willamette Valley. That 2,000-plus-mile trek on smooth interstates will be long but mainly free of lethal hazards, and comfortable too. Now imagine making that journey via covered wagon — that’s what frontier settlers did throughout the 1840s on the Oregon Trail, nothing more than parallel wheel ruts traversing dangerously endless prairie, sagebrush desert and eventually mountains. In 2011 author Rinker Buck and his brother did the same improbable thing, in the same conveyance. Buck’s new book, The Oregon Trail: A New American Journey, recounts the adventure. Hear him read from it at 7 p.m. tonight at Left Bank Books (399

The 1987 film Masters of the Universe, based on the popular line of Mattel toys, stars muscle man Dolph Lundgren as He-Man, an alpha male warrior with one powerful sword. An over-the-top Frank Langella plays the deliciously despotic Skeletor, who seizes the planet Eternia and its mystical fortress, Castle Grayskull, in a dastardly scheme to become ruler of the Universe. Things get weird when He-Man and his team attempt to save the day, only to be transported to modern day Earth. Here he enlists the aid of two teenagers (one of them is Courteney Cox) in his mission to save the cosmos. The Strange Brew division of the Webster Film Series screens Masters of the Universe at 8 p.m. tonight at the Schlafly Bottleworks (7260 Southwest Avenue, Maplewood; 314-241-2337 or www.webster. edu/film-series). Tickets are $5. — ROB LEVY

LEVIN’S

From the left: Tommy Wiseau hits the Tivoli, Hedda Gabler rides again, the Grove Criterium takes off and Skeletor rules.

Planning an event, exhibiting your art or putting on a play? Let us know and we’ll include it in the Night & Day section or publish a listing in the online calendar — for free! Send details via e-mail (calendar@riverfronttimes.com), fax (314-754-6416) or mail (6358 Delmar Boulevard, Suite 200, St. Louis, MO 63130, attn: Calendar). Include the date, time, price, contact information and location (including ZIP code). Please submit information three weeks prior to the date of your event. No telephone submissions will be accepted. Find more events online at www.riverfronttimes.com.

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film Ready Player Dumb ADAM SANDLER CONTINUES TO MAKE MOVIES ON THE LAZY SETTING Pixels Directed by Chris Columbus. Written by Tim Herlihy and Timothy Dowling. Original short film written by Patrick Jean. Starring Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Michelle Monaghan, Peter Dinklage and Josh Gad. Now playing at multiple locations.

ixels is a film that tries to do only one thing and does it about as well as might be expected. If you’re interested in seeing some of the most popular video games of the 1980s (Donkey Kong, Pac-Man, Galaga) blown up to an enormous scale and moving about in 3-D (and don’t feel that Wreck-It Ralph has already exhausted BY the appeal of such things), I can assure you that Pixels ROBERT hits the spot. Everything else HUNT about the film — a barely articulated science-fiction plot, a forced romantic interest, a few minutes of ’80s nostalgia and the kind of derisive namecalling dialogue that passes for wit in an Adam Sandler film — is secondary. As I said, there is a plot, barely, but most of the film is simply a matter of watching Sandler and his pals blow up gigantic video arcade characters just in

his misfit friends (Josh Gad and Peter Dinklage, a conspiracy theorist and self-absorbed hacker, respectively) have the necessary skills to defeat the alien invasion. This is not, however, a film that wastes time on exposition. Things happen solely to set up the next big game/battle, and neither the characters nor the filmmakers give much thought to anything in between. A video

Would you trust this crew to save the world? The White House evidently does.

time to get ready for a battle with the next batch. Oh, all right, if you insist: The film begins in 1982 in Washington, D.C., as Sam Brenner (Sandler) takes second place in a video-game competition. Thirty years later, Brenner and his misfit friends haven’t changed much,

even though one of them is now President of the United States (Kevin James). When Earth is suddenly under attack — or more specifically, being challenged to a contest — by deadly, large-scale versions of the games he mastered three decades earlier, Brenner convinces the White House that only he and

Papa Bear, Unbalanced MAYA FORBES PRESENTS A MOSTLY ROSY PICTURE OF HER FATHER’S BIPOLAR DISORDER S E AC I A PAVAO , C O U R T E SY O F S O N Y P I C T U R E S C L A S S I C S

Infinitely Polar Bear Written and directed by Maya Forbes. Starring Zoe Saldana, Mark Ruffalo, Imogene Wolodarsky and Ashley Aufderheide. Opens Friday, July 24, at the Tivoli Theatre, 6350 Delmar Boulevard, University City. Call 314727-7271 or visit www.landmarktheatres.com.

disconcertingly antic view of mental illness, Infinitely Polar Bear creates some serious cognitive dissonance: I very much enjoyed the film but felt a nagging guilt about my pleasure. Because the film is strongly based on writer-director Maya Forbes’ own family’s experience, criticizing it for romanticizing aspects of her father’s bipolar disorder seems churlish. We can’t honestly judge the accuracy of the film’s portrayal — it’s Forbes’ life, not ours — and given society’s fearful ignorance of most 20

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Left to right: Zoe Saldana as Maggie Stuart, Ashley Aufderheide as Faith Stuart, Imogene Wolodarsky as Amelia Stuart and Mark Ruffalo as Cam Stuart.

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mental-health conditions, a work that offers an informed, sympathetic perspective deserves some slack-cutting. Those dutiful qualifiers offered, I still found Cam Stewart (Mark Ruffalo) a bit too adorably eccentric, with the film veering dangerously close to the holy-fool territory of ’60s cult fave King of Hearts by softpedaling the difficulties and playing up the compensatory joys of his manic personality. And except for a glimpse of his zombified state during a hospitalization at the fi lm’s outset, Cam’s depressive episodes receive oddly scant attention: He’s always up, never down. Which is not to say that Infinitely Polar Bear fails to acknowledge the debilitating real-world consequences of Cam’s illness. Bounced from both Exeter and Harvard, unable to hold a job, prone to argumentative outbursts and strange behaviors, Cam certainly suffers, and he enormously complicates life for his family: estranged but saintly wife Maggie (Zoe Saldana), and daughters Amelia (Imogene Wolodarsky) and Faith (Ashley Aufderheide). Although

G E O R G E K R AY C H Y K © C T M G I N C .

Pixels: Making the streets safe again, without trying too hard.

broadcast from outer space that no one except Gad saw? The White House decides to throw a party right at the peak of the invasion? The rules and terms of the battle changing arbitrarily at the climax? Why not? Though it has many of the attributes of a typical Sandler vehicle, Pixels is, overwhelmingly, a gigantic CGI cartoon. Everything else — Sandler’s usual blend of arrogance and sentimentality — comes second to the lengthy and somewhat repetitive scenes of the heroes firing away at the oversize space invaders. If the film frequently runs the risk of being about as exciting as watching four grown men playing old arcade games for an hour, so be it. Director Chris Columbus appears to have raised a white flag on the first day of shooting and let the visual-effects team take over, so meager are his contributions to the film. But although this is mostly just a big display of animated effects, you can’t entirely

ignore the way the film fits in comfortably with Sandler’s usual persona of a slightly antisocial slob. Twenty years ago Sandler hit it big by playing overgrown children, twentysomethings with a ten-year-old’s lack of discipline. Having milked the man-child act for years, he’s settled into middle age without really having to change in any significant way. The difference is that what was once seen as regressive adolescence has now, for many, become the masculine norm and the antisocial slob has become a science-fiction war hero. That’s the message of Pixels. Sandler and his friends may describe themselves as nerds and feel marginalized by paper-tiger authority figures (the film is loaded with old-fogey military types and bureaucrats, all of whom appear solely to give Sandler a chance to deliver an insult), but they always get the last word. Victory, at least briefly, belongs to those who never grew up. ■

Cam comes from wealth — thus the quality of the schools from which he’s been expelled — his miserly grandmother controls the trust, doling out support in the tiniest imaginable increments. Maggie’s modest salary primarily supports the family, and she and the girls live barely above the poverty line in a rent-controlled apartment in Cambridge, while Cam dwells in a postinstitutionalization halfway house and vainly petitions for a reconstitution of the family unit. Recognizing this dire situation as unsustainable, Maggie decides to better her employment prospects by obtaining a graduate business degree from Columbia University, but that necessitates an eighteenmonth stay in New York City. Cam, despite his precarious mental state, must take on the daunting responsibility of serving as his daughters’ caretaker. Misadventures ensue. Infinitely Polar Bear — the title refers to Faith’s malapropic version of the word “bipolar” — elicits laughs and tears in roughly equal measure, but it doesn’t push hard in either direction. Rather, it unfolds with a winningly naturalistic ease and resists

self-consciously big moments designed to manipulate our emotions or drive plot. But the central characters, although endearing, lean in the direction of type and lack nuance. Again, Ruffalo’s Cam remains ingratiatingly likable even when behaving in wholly inappropriate ways, and the girls are cut from the same outlandishly cute cloth as the daughters in Judd Apatow’s films or Louis C.K.’s TV show: bratty on occasion but precocious and irresistibly sweet. As the tolerant, rock-like spouse, Saldana charms, but she’s required to serve as the film’s straight man — stoic to Ruffalo’s zany. Because it’s set in 1978, the film also seems a bit disingenuous in not exploring the tensions the biracial couple would have likely encountered in Boston — which was then embroiled in a divisive busing controversy — but it does smartly address the era’s sexism in a subtle job-interview scene after Maggie’s graduation. Like its bipolar subject, Infinitely Polar Bear never quite achieves equilibrium, but the film’s many highs more than compensate for any lows. — CLIFF FROEHLICH riverfronttimes.com

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STILL ROLLING OUR ONGOING, OCCASIONALLY SMARTASS, DEFINITELY UNOFFICIAL GUIDE TO WHAT’S PLAYING IN ST. LOUIS THEATERS We’ve all seen the wedding-cake topper of the bride grabbing the groom by the collar, dragging him away from a life filled with sexy funtimes and toward the altar of imprisonment, where all that’s left is monogamy and arguing over how to properly squeeze the toothpaste tube (from the bottom up, always). In Trainwreck, it’s beer-slamming, bed-hopping Amy (Amy T:9”

Schumer) who’d rather order another round of shots than order fine china. Until, of course, she meets Aaron (Bill Hader) who reminds her that, in the words of British philosopher Samantha

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“A SUSPENSEFUL MIND-TEASER.

disintegrate in real time, her death four years

The comedy is black and stinging hot. Joaquin Phoenix and Emma Stone infuse it with raw humanity. Parker Posey is slyly quirky. A potent provocation built to keep you up nights.”

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L A N O I T A R IR MAN

Q*bert and their alien ilk believe they’re under

*NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED OR RESTRICTED BY LAW. One admit-two pass per person. Passes available on a first-come, first-served basis. This film has 2 COL x 9" = 18" (SAU) been rated PG-13 by the MPAA for BWthematic PUB PROMO material, brief where Donkey Kong prowess saves the universe, drug content, sexuality and language.

attack...and are pissed. Fear not: This is a world

Written and Directed by WOODY ALLEN

Kevin James can be president and, of course, Adam Sandler gets the girl. In other words, it’s RICKI_PubPro_18in_BW_01.indd “ageless” in the sense that every other Sandler

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STARTS FRIDAY, JULY 31

JOB #

VIEW THE TRAILER AT WWW.IRRATIONALMANMOVIE.COM J U LY 2 9 - A U G U S T 4 , 2 0 1 5

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JOB #

“THE ENERGY AND FRESHNESS HERE ARE QUITE INTOXICATING.”

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BW PUB PROMO

ago at 27 wasn’t a complete shock — but the

-Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE

2 COL x 9" = 18" (SAU)

431324

DATE

7-20-2015 3:25 PM

flick has been since about 1995. Don’t you feel

Bleed 3.75” w x 9” h w x 9” h already? Trim 3.75”younger 3.75” w x 9” h Live

Revisions

— Kristie McClanahan

@RickiMovie • #RickiAndTheFlash www.Facebook.com/RickiAndTheFlash

IN THEATERS FRIDAY, AUGUST 7 Notes 4 pt. rule for border 8 or 7.5 pica rating PP billing

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Prod

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4.7767" X 5.25" WED 07/29 ST. LOUIS RIVERFRONT TIMES

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ST LOUIS RFT THURSDAY, JULY 30

Risky Business

the arts

A NEW THEATER COMPANY PRESENTS A FLAWED, BUT MEMORABLE, EXPERIMENT AT THE CHAPEL This Is Not Funny Through August 2 at the Chapel, 6238 Alexander Drive. Tickets are $15 to $20. Visit www.theatrenuevo.com.

It’s the Top!

STAGES ST. LOUIS’ NEW PRODUCTION OF ANYTHING GOES IS A JOYOUS ROMP THANKS TO COLE PORTER’S SONGWRITING GENIUS. Anything Goes Directed by Michael Hamilton Music and lyrics by Cole Porter. Original book by P.G. Wodehouse & Guy Bolton and Howard Lindsay & Russel Crouse. New book by Timothy Crouse & John Weidman. Through August 16 in the Robert G. Reim Theatre at the Kirkwood Community Center, 111 South Geyer Road. Tickets are $20 to $57. Call 314-821-2407 or visit www.stagesstlouis.org.

he plot of Anything Goes is ridiculous, the characters are virtual caricatures and the dramatic conflicts could be charitably described as “hackneyed.” And yet there is no denying the power created when these elements are BY bound together by the music PA U L of Cole Porter. The plot fascinates, the characters spark FRISWOLD with life and the dramatic conflicts engender real feeling from the audience, even if only fleetingly. Is it magic? It very well might be. Director Michael Hamilton and a knockout cast take full advantage of the transformative power of Porter’s songs, breathing new life into these standards at every turn. Of course, the most potent of Porter’s works are given to Reno Sweeney, played with electrifying appeal by Julie Cardia. Cardia vamps through “I Get A Kick Out of You,” and flashes her comic timing in “You’re the Top” opposite Brent Michael Diroma, who plays romantic lead Billy Crocker. Now, about that plot. Crocker is a middling stockbroker who’s fallen in love with debutant Hope Harcourt (the winsome Heidi Giberson). Charged by his boss, Elisha Whitney (Whit Reichert), with selling off the company’s stock in a doomed enterprise, Crocker instead stows away aboard the ocean liner S.S. America in a desperate attempt to stop Hope from marrying daffy English lord Evelyn Oakleigh (Dan Fenaughty) when they disembark in England. The ship also carries Billy’s old friend Reno Sweeney, second-rate gangster Moonface Martin (Bob Amaral), and his boss’ moll, Erma (Laura E. Taylor). It sounds complicated, but don’t worry about it — all of this confusion exists only as connective tissue to bundle together all those marvelous songs. And the fact that every actor mentioned so far finds a way to make his or her character funny and charming in a different way, well, that aids understanding immensely. Crocker and Giberson are delightful as the

PETER WOCHNIAK

star-crossed lovers. He has a crooner’s voice and matinee looks, and she has a lovely voice with a subtle dark undercurrent. It gives her half of “Easy to Love” a real sadness that acts as welcome counterpoint to all the silliness around the couple. Bob Amaral plays Moonface with a classic New York accent and a heart of gold. He rolls his eyes a dozen different ways as he cons passengers out of money, threatens them with his Tommy gun and watches Erma carve a swathe through the ship’s crew. As for Taylor, she can sing, she dances beautifully and she breaks numerous hearts when she belts the bad girl’s cautionary tale to smitten men everywhere, “Buddy, Beware.” It’s a gem of a song, and she slinks her way through it with sinuous delicacy. And then there’s Evelyn, the English lord. Fenaughty hops around the deck with a simultaneously stiff-backed and sprung-knee gait, warbling bungled Americanisms and behaving like an oversized and very polite praying

Hop aboard the S.S. America. mantis. But in him beats the heart of a great lover: His duet with Cardia in “The Gypsy in Me” is a tour de force of everything that makes Anything Goes such a galloping romp. In any other show, this would be the song you walk away whistling — but there’s no denying Julie Cardia’s protean rendition of the title song at the end of the first act. Her voice is lush and full, but the sheer power that flows out of Cardia when she hits the chorus is felt in the hollow of your being. Unbelievably, she has a fifth gear that lifts up the house during the final refrain. The eight-strong dance corps earn their keep during this number as well, displaying power and grace as they kick perilously close to each other. If there’s an underlying message to Anything Goes, it’s that happiness is contagious and there’s nothing more pleasant than falling love. That’s also the perfect argument for seeing Stages St. Louis’ production — you’ll leave feeling happy, because you’ve fallen in love with Cole Porter. ■ riverfronttimes.com

his Is Not Funny is theater stripped down to its bare elements; the whole of the piece suggests you should focus on the story being told above all else. But what story is being told? Well, there are apparently three. Beth Van Pelt stands at the microphone and thanks everyone for coming to this poetry open mic, then launches into some self-righteous poems that skew toward the horrible end of the scale. Sarah McKenney and Sara Sapp portray young girls who play with buckets and balloons on the floor. Steven Castelli is a clown who floats around the girls. Eventually he wheels out a large box that has Sarah Porter and Reginald Pierre inside, acting as TV newscasters. Every newsbreak they present is a gruesome tragedy, each more horrible than the last. This set-up is simple, but there’s something complex going on here. These three elements intersect through various shared words and a steady march toward sundering. The poet grows angrier; the girls’ relationship fluctuates between friendship and cruelty; the talking heads argue and one-up each other. Only the clown seems stable. Sure, he cuts the girls’ balloon strings, but he also plays with them and maintains a cheerful disposition in the face of increasing tensions. If I’m honest, parts of This Is Not Funny were tedious. And yet I can’t stop thinking about the show — and that’s the hallmark of an interesting production. Director Anna Skidis and the cast collectively wrote the play, and they set these three stories against each for a reason. But no director’s notes offer a thematic overview — there is only the play itself and what we find in it. It’s a daring choice, and I think it works because it forces us in the audience to engage with this play on our own terms. If you can’t do that, you’re doomed to see This Is Not Funny as nothing but a failed attempt. But I’d rather see and think about a dozen ambitious failures than sit through a single safe, easy production. And to be clear, I don’t think this is a failed attempt at anything. It is ambitious, and the theater company offers very good performances. Beth Van Pelt’s poet has an arrogant faith in her own genius; she’s a wreck of a person on a personal and social level. Steven Castelli displays a kindhearted optimism without saying a word. Sarah Porter and Reginald Pierre’s fraught relationship grows funnier as their hatred for one another increases. Sarah McKenney and Sara Sapp capture the whiplash emotional switchbacks of young friendships, and their shared enthusiasm for balloons and catching butterflies stands in stark contrast to everything going on around them. So, will you love it? I don’t know. Like life itself, This Is Not Funny gives you exactly as much as you’re willing to personally invest in it. That justifies taking a chance on it — and on yourself. —PAUL FRISWOLD

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cafe Checkmate AARON TEITELBAUM’S NEW CHESSTHEMED KINGSIDE DINER IS A CLEAR WINNER Kingside Diner 4651Maryland Avenue; 314-454-3957. Sun.Thurs. 6 a.m.-10 p.m.; Fri.-Sat. 6-1:30 a.m.

hen asked about his pregame dining regimen — and yes, he gets asked about it quite often — chess wunderkind Magnus Carlsen will spout off a menu that sounds as if he is training for an Iron Man. Actually, it’s far healthier. “I had a burger today, and it made me feel awful,” Forbes once quoted him as saying. “If I tried to play serious chess tonight I’d play awful.” So the next time Carlsen — or any other grandmaster, for that matter — is in town for a championship tournament at the St. Louis Chess Club and Scholastic Center, the last thing he’ll BY order at the adjacent KingC H E RY L side Diner is the “Kingside Slider.” He’ll pass on the BAEHR over-medium fried egg that cradles hunks of succulent pulled pork like a burrito and the accompanying black-pepper-flecked hash browns that double as a sponge for clarified butter. Carlsen will surely turn up his nose at the rich, mildly spiced chorizo chili that smothers the platter like an upscale slinger, and he’ll certainly refrain from dipping slices of griddled toast into the concoction. That’s too bad for him. Kingside Diner is the work of chef Aaron Teitelbaum, who is best known for his other Central West End venture, Herbie’s Vintage ’72. Teitelbaum had been lamenting the lack of a proper diner in the cosmopolitan neighborhood for some time, at one point even considering opening up Herbie’s for breakfast and lunch to fill the void. When the Lester’s space opened up next to the St. Louis Chess Club last November, he jumped at the chance to realize his vision for a casual, breakfast-all-day sort of spot. But don’t let the word “diner” fool you. The sophistication that Teitelbaum is known for at Herbie’s shines through at Kingside Diner, elevating the place far above the 24hour greasy spoons that dot the blue-collar corners of the city. The décor is the first clue that this is a more upscale concept. The open main dining room is flanked on one side by a polished, granitetopped bar and on the other by two brown velvet couches — a chess board between them. Large picture windows provide a view of treelined Maryland Avenue, and black tables with

P H OTO S B Y M A B E L S U E N

Spinach, tomato, cheddar and red onion omelet with fruit and toast.

basket-woven leather chairs give a modern touch. There’s also a lovely upstairs patio that overlooks the street and a cozy downstairs reading nook outfitted with a miniature library on all things chess. For those who wish to watch, rather than read up on, the game, several large televisions are scattered throughout the restaurant, oftentimes streaming live chess matches. Kingside Diner offers breakfast all day — a good thing, because a craving for the aforementioned “Slider” could strike at any time. An equally wonderful way to indulge in Teitelbaum’s chorizo sauce is on the biscuits and gravy. The biscuits by themselves would be worth an order; covered with the warm, sagespiked gravy, they become otherworldly.

Both items are on the indulgent side, but a the wrap texture. In another option, a perfectly simple order of pancakes shows how Kingside cooked omelet paired funky goat cheese with succeeds even when it exercises restraint. spinach, red onion and a bright romesco sauce Served with warm maple syrup made from red pepper and butter, the golden hotcakes and nuts, making for a are crispier than what I am used dish that evokes BarceKingside Diner to, and the batter is sweeter — allona. “Kingside Slider” ..... $10 Grilled chicken most malty. The result is a subtle The flatbread option, Cuban ........................ $9 flavor profile that tastes like a however, was a bit less “Grandma Rosie’s toasty funnel cake. successful than the other Rolled Cabbage” .... $10 Kingside Diner offers a halftwo. While I enjoyed the dozen combinations of breakfast delicate, flaky texture, ingredients that can be served as those very qualities made either a burrito, an omelet or on flatbread. I it too light of a base for a breakfast pizza: The opted for the spinach, tomato, cheddar and red bacon, sausage, cheddar, mushrooms, arugula onion combination as a burrito. The warm flour and chipotle aioli combo had excellent flavor, tortilla was crisped around the edges, giving but the flatbread base fell continued on page 26 riverfronttimes.com IV IM riverfronttimes.com J U LY M 2 9O-N ATUHG UXSX–X T 4X, , 22001 0 5X RR IV EE RR FF RR OO NN T TT T IM EE S S 251

MABEL SUEN

Kingside Diner

Cheddar drop biscuits with chorizo and sage gravy.

apart in my hands. I recommend trying this otherwise delicious crust with one of the lighter combinations. Breakfast was my favorite meal at Kingside Diner, though a few of the lunch and dinner offerings nearly persuaded me otherwise. The caprese grilled cheese is a warm, gooey sandwich interpretation of the quintessential summertime salad. Fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, basil pesto and a drizzle of balsamic syrup are served between griddled bread for an excellent adult grilled cheese. I was also pleasantly surprised by Kingside Diner’s respectable Cuban sandwich. Juicy pulled pork (this place does it as expertly as the barbecue folks) and shredded chicken breast are garnished with thick sliced pickles and a sweet-and-smoky mix of chipotle aioli and mustard. Crusty Cuban bread is perfectly griddled, giving it just enough crunch. If you opened a smokehouse in Havana, this sandwich might be the result. Burgers at Kingside are seared on a flattop and dressed with any number of toppings. Mine was well-seasoned and trimmed with a fried egg and cheddar cheese on a potato roll — a solid diner burger. I may be the only person on the planet who doesn’t go crazy for the classic post-Thanksgiving leftovers sandwich, but if that’s your thing, you’ll be satisfied by Kingside’s “Thanksgiving All Year.” Sliced sourdough bread is topped with turkey, cranberry chutney, pepper-jack cheese and herbed stuffing. It’s served at room temperature, just like you might eat your homemade version on Black Friday. Flavor-wise, the sweet and savory mix works, though the whole thing is a bit mushy for my taste. The most random item on Kingside Diner’s menu is also its most heartfelt: “Grandma Rosie’s Rolled Cabbage.” Apparently it took Teitelbaum years to pry his grandmother’s topsecret recipe for this Eastern European staple.

Thankfully, she relented. Rice and beef are rolled into cabbage leaves and simmer in a deliciously tangy raisin-spiked tomato sauce. If you’re used to savory Italian-style tomato sauces, the dish requires a bit of a mental shift, because here the raisins feature prominently, but it’s a combination that works. The accompanying mashed potatoes, however, were a touch liquidy — a minor point for an otherwise good dish. Kingside Diner sets itself apart from traditional St. Louis diners in two other welcome ways: pastries and booze. Though the grandmasters next door will surely pass on sugary carbs washed down with a cocktail, I did not. The restaurant offers a full bar from open to close (yes, it is possible to get a gin and tonic at 6 a.m., because…well, because you can) and makes a wonderfully spicy bloody mary. I was also impressed with Kingside Diner’s pastry prowess — the baked goods rival some of my favorite treats from the city’s many excellent bakeries. And, yes, when I saw chocolate chip scones on the menu, I was persuaded to order dessert with breakfast. I didn’t regret it, either. The pastry was the perfect balance of soft and crumbly, overflowing with chocolate chips. Other sweet options also excel. The “Crack Pie” is the beautiful marriage of an oatmeal cookie and pecan pie, while the apple tart has a superb, biscuit-like crust. Kingside Diner’s “grab and go” counter makes popping in for one of these excellent baked goods a little too easy. More than likely, though, I’ll return to Kingside Diner for the full-service experience so that I can take my time enjoying all of its indulgences. The grandmasters next door can worry about their training regimen while the rest of us eat and imbibe as spectators. They may need something different for game day, but for us mortals, Kingside Diner is serving the breakfast of champions. ■

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[RESTAURANT ROLL CALL]

A Makeover for Lion’s Choice

short orders [CHEF CHAT]

Chef Chat: Ben Grupe on Being a “Fat Boy at Heart”

Ben Grupe.

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MABEL SUEN

en Grupe has had a culinary career that many aspiring chefs can only dream of. The classically trained chef has worked at some of the area’s best clubs, cooked at the world-renowned Greenbriar resort in West Virginia and studied under master chefs. It’s an impressive résumé, but for Grupe, something was missing. “I felt like working in clubs limited what I’ve been able to do,” Grupe explains. “It just wasn’t gratifying for me anymore. I really wanted to do my own thing and not have to run it by a board or other people. Plus, it’s been hard for my family and friends to experience what I’ve been doing. Now that’s possible.” This winter Grupe left his position as executive chef at Meadowbrook Country Club to strike out on his own. However, instead of opening a restaurant right away, the awardwinning chef has decided to test the waters by doing a series of pop-up dinners he’s calling Soigne. “I thought this would be a good way for me to introduce myself to St. Louis,” Grupe says. “It’s a way for [the city] to get to know my food and vision.” Grupe is determined to become a player in St Louis’ dining scene, but he admits he wasn’t always so driven. “I just sort of fell into it,” he says about how he got into cooking. “I had a lawn-chair business with a friend in high school and bussed tables and did banquet service at Windows on Washington in the off season.” He eventually landed a gig washing dishes at a now-shuttered Clayton eatery and worked his was up the ranks — first doing prep work and then the salad station. “Then I went through my early twenties,” Grupe laughs. “I was a punk-ass kid who wanted to party.” However, the chef at the restaurant where he was working saw something more in Grupe and wanted to give him a chance. “Chris [Desens of St. Louis Culinary Institute] told me if I ever needed anything to give him a call,” Grupe recalls. “So I did, and for some reason he gave me a shot.” Fast-forward a decade and Grupe is now following in Desens’ footsteps. Like his mentor, he will be competing in the 2016 World Culinary Olympics in Germany, captaining the United States team. Between the Olympics and his new Soigne venture, Grupe’s plate is overflowing — and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Grupe took a break from the kitchen to share his thoughts on the St. Louis dining scene, why there’s no such thing as a guilty pleasure and where he’d spend his last meal on earth. What daily ritual is non-negotiable for you?

I would have to say a morning pot of coffee. You know how having two kids under two who like to sleep through the night and get up on time every day goes. If you could have any superpower, what would it be? Having the ability to teleport would be sweet. It would be pretty interesting to be able to travel to any time and place in the world at any given moment. I mean, in one day you could start off in St. Louis, then hit up Napa, then go off to Lyon or Paris and then Sweden and Norway all in a day’s work. You will also need a superpower of endless cash or a money tree. What is the most positive trend in food, wine or cocktails that you’ve noticed in St. Louis over the past year? I think that the awareness of the ingredients that we are using. People want real and honest food. I want to know where my food comes from and how it was handled. Who is your St. Louis food crush? Chefs I have a lot of respect for include Jamey Tochtrop of Stellina. We have been friends for a long time, and he has been very supportive of my new endeavors. Also Josh Galliano [Companion]. I had the pleasure to stage at the Libertine under Josh and the very driven staff over this past year. It was a motivating experience to see everyone all pushing and striving to be better. Oh, you gotta throw in some Qui Tran at Mai Lee — I mean, where could you go wrong?

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Which ingredient is most representative of your personality? Butter. Need I say more? If someone asked you to describe the current state of St. Louis’ culinary climate, what would you say? The state of St. Louis’ culinary climate is on the rise. There are a lot of new independent ventures and a wide variety of concepts opening up. It’s amazing to look back just a short five, ten years ago to now. The dining scene has evolved quite a bit. Name an ingredient never allowed in your kitchen. The “Stuff,” also known as mint jelly. Just terrible. What’s your food or beverage guilty pleasure? I have nothing to be guilty about. I’m a fat boy at heart. You can’t go wrong with some nice crusty bread, butter, stinky cheese, chicken liver/foie mousse, pâté and charcuterie. Oh yeah, mix in a little bourbon or craft beers. We’re good to go. What would be your last meal on earth? This is almost an impossible question. But I would say that it would have to be at Paul Bocuse. I was very fortunate to experience this restaurant firsthand in 2012. I have to say it was the best and most memorable dining experience that I have had thus far. I would do the Grande Tradition Classique menu again. The cheese and desert carts were meals by themselves. — CHERYL BAEHR

ith modern finishes, high ceilings, a redesigned layout, multiple televisions and accessible USB charging ports, Lion’s Choice is catching up with the times. The locally based fast-food chain hadn’t opened a new location in over a decade, until the new location at 3048 Clarkson Road opened its doors for business in June. Local investors Millstone Capital Advisors and BlackRock Holdings purchased the St. Louisbased chain from its founders approximately a year and a half ago. The new owners then hired Chicago-based Chipman Design to develop a new style, brand and identity for the chain. In addition to the modern touches inside, the new location features new patio furniture and two drive-through lanes. Customers are responding; the new location is already serving more than 500 customers a day. “It started with the kitchen design. We wanted to create an experience for our customers that’s maybe a more premium, sophisticated look than they’re used to for Lion’s Choice’s current look,” says the director of marketing Joe Buttice. We know what you’re thinking: Big deal, they got new tables and chairs. But this new design wasn’t only about new furniture. The Lion’s Choice design team talked to store managers about the best layout to optimize the space in the kitchen. “We worked extensively with a couple of our managers in our current stores, and they helped us design the kitchen area: Operationally, how it’s set up to make it more efficient for people; how they’re moving behind the counter or where their reaching; how they’re walking back and forth to the drive-through,” Buttice explains. Enough about the design, we know what everyone actually cares about — the roast beef. “We’re famous for our roast-beef sandwich, and we are not going to change that at all. The food will not change, it’s just the look,” says Buttice. As part of the new experience, the company wanted customers to see fresh roast beef sliced right in front of them, which is why the giant slicer is in plain sight. The restaurant still cooks all food on-site, cooking several pieces of meat every hour so that customers are ensured a fresh sandwich. The “prototype” Ellisville location also features a six-choice sauce bar (plus au jus) with pumps built into the counter. If the new concept continues to do well in Ellisville, the company plans to renovate more Lion’s Choice locations with the Ellisville restaurant as the model. The Ellisville location marks the 24th Lion’s Choice in the greater St. Louis area, but the new owners have plans to expand into other Midwestern cities. The restaurant is open seven days a week, Sunday through Thursday, 10 a.m. to 9:30 p.m., and Friday and Saturday 10 a.m. to 10 p.m.

—EMILY MCCARTER

DOWNTOWN RESTAURANT WEEK RETURNS! AUGUST 3-9, 2015

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by St. Louis Post-Dispatch Readers *Per person, per restaurant. Taxes, gratuity and alcohol not included. Dinner only. When placing your reservation, please call the restaurant directly and be sure to mention “Restaurant Week.” For menu or venue info, visit

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Sauce on the Side’s “Figgy Piggy” calzone.

4144 S. Grand

MABEL SUEN

St. Louis, MO 63118

(314) 875-9653

Tuesday-Sunday

11am-9pm

[FIRST LOOK]

A Look at Sauce on the Side’s Expanded Relocation Downtown

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early a month after moving from its original downtown location into bigger digs just a few blocks away, Sauce on the Side (411 North Eighth Street; 314-241-5667) catered to a group of more than 200 nearby convention guests at once for a Friday night dinner rush. With the addition of a second production line as well as two more ovens, the kitchen staff was able to whip up 170 calzones and 40 salads — all from scratch — to accommodate the large party. “We never could’ve done that at the old space,” says co-owner Brendon Maciariello. “With the space at 903 Pine, we’d just kind of outgrown it. We were looking for a little bit more space for the guests and a kitchen to match the volume of what we were doing.” Sauce on the Side’s fast-casual calzone concept originally debuted in July 2012, garnering rave reviews and earning titles including the RFT’s award for best fast-casual restaurant in St. Louis. A second location also opened in Clayton in August 2014. The restaurant’s new downtown home is located at the base of the residential tower at the scenic Old Post Office Plaza, filling the area most recently occupied by Shula’s 347 Grill, which closed in 2012. The 4,100-square-foot space boasts about 1,100 square feet more than the original restaurant and retains several features from its former life, including intricate light fixtures,

sculptures, curved ceilings and floor-to-ceiling windows. Sauce on the Side’s simple yet sleek design will be familiar to diners at the previous location, although here it’s highlighted by a colorful new mural from local artist Phil Jarvis. The capacity jumps to about 100 more seats, with room for 112 in the dining room and 86 more on an expansive patio. The food menu remains the same, with a list of fourteen specialty calzones, such as the “Figgy Piggy” with applewood-smoked bacon, figs, balsamic onions, boursin, mozzarella, ricotta, garlic-honey oil and red sauce. Buildyour-own calzones are also available, as well as six salads. A new feature is the restaurant’s partnership with Serendipity Ice Cream, which allows patrons to order their dessert calzones à la mode. In addition to 70 different varieties of beer the bottle, Sauce on the Side now offers six draft beers which will rotate every month or two. “When we first came down here in 2012, we decided that we wanted to be a part of the downtown scene in the hopes that it’d keep building up and building up,” Maciariello says. Now, approaching the restaurant’s third anniversary, a new location two blocks over seems ideal: “It just made a lot more sense moving over here because there’s so much that goes on in this plaza. It’s a great place for meeting people for different functions, and it’s great exposure. We’re super excited. It’s everything we really wanted.” Sauce on the Side’s new location is open Monday through Wednesday from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. and Thursday through Satruday from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. For the full menu and additional information, visit eatcalzones.com. — MABEL SUEN

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dining guide The Dining Guide lists only restaurants recommended by RFT food critics. The print listings below rotate regularly, as space allows. Our complete Dining Guide is available online; view menus and search local restaurants by name or neighborhood. Price Guide (based on a three-course meal for one, excluding tax, tip and beverages): $ up to $15 per person $$ $15 - $25 $$$ $25 - $40 $$$$ more than $40

3265 S . Jefferson Avenue St. Louis, MO 63118 (314) 776-5700

FERGUSON/ FLORISSANT Ferguson Brewing Company 418 S. Florissant Road, Ferguson; 314-521-2220. Hill Brewing Company tries to appease both craft-beer aficionados and the casual beer fan: While the India pale ale doesn’t hold back on the brew’s trademark puckering wallop of hops, the pilsner is made with corn in the mash so that it more closely resembles a standard American lager rather than a true pilsner. Standouts include the Munich dunkel and the pecan brown ale. The food is mostly beerfriendly standards: pizza, barbecue and burgers. $-$$ Ferguson Burger Bar & More 9120 West Florissant Avenue, Ferguson; 314-388-0424. Charles and Kizzie Davis’ Ferguson Burger Bar & More started out as a humble burger joint. Then the tragic shooting of Mike Brown by then-Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson happened, and the pair was thrust into the spotlight as figureheads for a city in crisis. The husband-and-wife team have risen to the occasion, refusing to shutter as their city was stricken with chaos and grief and serving as a place for the community to gather over soul food and diner fare. The house specialty is the “Garbage Burger” — a ground-beef patty, laden with a secret seasoning blend and smashed thin on a flattop so it develops a crispy edge. The burger is topped with lettuce, thick-sliced white onions, crispy bacon, a slice of American cheese, mayonnaise and a fried egg. Ferguson Burger Bar & More serves eight different varieties of chicken wingettes, including peach, “Sweetnspicy,” T H IS C O D E and lemon pepper, as well as TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE fried-fish dinners, shrimp and RIVERFRONT TIMES Philly cheesesteak sandwichIPHONE/ANDROID APP es. Breakfast is served all day. FOR MORE RESTAURANTS OR VISIT For hungry diners, the “Hearty riverfronttimes.com Man’s Breakfast” provides a sampling of nearly the entire a.m. side of the menu: breakfast meat, three eggs, French toast and hash browns smothered in cheese, peppers and onions. Wash it all down with the house’s “Muddy Water,” a refreshing blend of sweet tea and citrusy juice. $ Pearl Cafe 8416 N. Lindbergh Boulevard; Florissant, 314-8313701. From the owners of nearby Simply Thai comes another winning restaurant. The menu is lengthy but not overwhelmingly so, a greatest hits of Thai cuisine: soups, curries, stir fries, noodles and a catchall category of house specialties. Aficionados of Thai cuisine can choose their favorite dishes with confidence. Each dish is prepared with care, paying close attention to the customary Thai balance of sweet, sour, hot and savory. The overall ambiance works equally well for either a quick lunch or a casual dinner date. $-$$

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KIRKWOOD/ WEBSTER GROVES 612 Kitchen & Cocktails 612 West Woodbine Avenue, Kirkwood; 314-965-2003. When Dan and Pat Graham decided to shutter Graham’s Grill & Bayou Bar after a seventeen-year run, the next generation decided to take over the reins — but put their own stamp on things. Brother and sister business partners Devin and Alison converted their parents’ Cajun-themed bar and grill into 612 Kitchen & Cocktails, a 1920s-inspired cocktail lounge and gastropub. The restaurant is at its best when it sticks to classic bar fare: Sausage-and-cheese-stuffed mushrooms, breaded and fried, make for an excellent snack; beer-battered fish and chips pair nicely with a cold one; and the smoked chicken is juicy and glazed with caramelized barbecue sauce. Craft

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cocktails are on the approachable end of the spectrum. Signature drinks such include the “Great Gatsby,” made with cucumber and basil-infused rum, lemonade and blueberry purée. A bridal shower in barware, the “Coco Chanel,” is a blend of strawberry vodka, lemon juice, pink champagne, strawberries and mint. The most austere offering — and that is a stretch — is the “Scarface.” Tequila, tomato water, triple sec and lavender-infused sour combine to make an interesting twist on the margarita. Regardless of how the younger Grahams brand it, 612 Kitchen & Cocktails is still a simple neighborhood watering hole. $$ Winfield’s Gathering Place 10312 Manchester Road, Kirkwood; 314-394-2200. Winfield’s Gathering Place is an upscale sports bar, smokehouse and American fare restaurant brought to life by business partners Mark Winfield and former Cardinals outfielder Jim Edmonds. Located in the strip-mall space that formerly housed the first St. Louis Bread Company, Winfield’s serves up some serious barbecue. The ribs are classic dry-rubbed style, and the beef brisket holds its own in this ’cue-crowded town. Sandwiches include the must-try “BBQ Burnt Ends Sourdough Melt,” a pastrami Reuben, and a brisket riff on a French dip. Winfield’s is more than a smokehouse, though. Flatbreads and Italian specialties round out the menu, and entrées such as a “Wined and Brined” smoked chicken prove it. Don’t pass up the jalapeño cheddar au gratin potatoes — whether ordered as a side or served on their own with a cold beer, they are alone worth a visit. $$-$$$

MAPLEWOOD Bolyard’s Meat & Provisions 2810 Sutton Boulevard, Maplewood, 314-647-2567. On a typical day at Bolyard’s Meat & Provisions, chef Chris Bolyard wields a sharp boning knife from a trusty chain-link utility belt armed with additional tools of the trade. He skillfully breaks down a cut of grass-fed beef from Double B Ranch out of Perryville, one of the many local farms he sources for pasture-raised animals. Elsewhere in his new full-service butcher shop, his staff preps sausage, braunschweiger and stocks from scratch. $$-$$$ A Pizza Story 7278 Manchester Road, Maplewood; 314-8990011. Huhammad Alwagheri, Sherif Nasser and Nael Saad didn’t set out to open a restaurant. The three Washington University academics just loved food. But at dinner parties, the conversation would quickly turn to: “What if we opened a restaurant?” The three finally took the leap and opened A Pizza Story in downtown Maplewood. The Neapolitan-style pizzeria serves classic wood-fired pies, like the Margherita, which simply consists of perfectly charred crust, fresh tomato sauce, basil and mozzarella cheese. Heat-seeking meat eaters should try the “Thriller”: Its fiery capicola, spicy tomato sauce and caramelized onions make for a satisfying meal. Though the restaurant is called A Pizza Story, other menu offerings take a starring role: A salad of arugula and beets pairs perfectly with goat cheese and lemon vinaigrette. The two pastas, shells ragu and fettuccine all’amatriciana are lightly sauced and full of meat: The ragu is like beef stew over shell-shaped pasta, and the fettuccine is simply heaped with pancetta.

MIDTOWN The Dark Room 615 N Grand Boulevard; 314-531-3416. Shutterbugs and winos alike will delight in Grand Center’s Dark Room. Part art gallery and part bar, the Dark Room features monthly photography exhibits curated by the International Photography Hall of Fame alongside an artisan wine program highlighting a substantial selection by the glass or bottle. The minimal space features decorative vintage film equipment and clean, contemporary design. Small Batch Whiskey & Fare 3001 Locust Street; 314380-2040. Restaurateur David Bailey takes the whiskey-bar trend in an unexpected direction with his vegetarian eatery, Small Batch. Bailey doesn’t bill the place as a crunchy vegetarian spot; instead, he hopes that diners will enjoy the vegetable-focused concept so much that they fail to miss the meat. The carbonara pasta, made with housemade linguine, replaces the richness of bacon with smoked mushrooms. Even the most die-hard carnivore will be satisfied by the “burger,” a greasy-spoon-style corn and black bean patty topped with creamy guacamole, Chihuahua cheese, and Bailey’s signature “Rooster” sauce (tangy mayonnaise). Small Batch’s bourbon selection and creative cocktails are also impressive. The “Smokeysweet,” a blend of smoked cherries, rye and rhubarb, tastes like drinking punch by a campfire. For a taste of summer in a glass, the “Rickey” is a bright concoction of elderflower liquor, grapefruit, lime and white corn whiskey. The gorgeous, vintage setting provides an ideal spot to indulge in some Prohibition-era-style drinking. $-$$ Triumph Grill 3419 Olive Street; 314-446-1801. Another addition to midtown’s suddenly teeming restaurant scene, the Triumph Grill is attached to the Moto Museum and named for the classic motorcycle. (Brando and Dean each owned one. So did Dylan.) The lengthy menu includes many of the dishes that spring to mind when you call a restaurant a “grill” — wings, calamari and onion rings; nine different salads and more than a dozen sandwiches; steaks, pork chops, chicken breasts and salmon — but with occasional, unexpected touches from the cuisines of Japan, India and the American southwest. The décor is contemporary-art gallery. When the place is crowded, though, the hubbub will make you think of a passing fleet of Harleys. $$-$$$

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music

B-Sides 36 Critics’ Picks 38 Concerts 42 Clubs

Uniting the CHUDs AUSTIN NITSUA BRINGS “FREAKS AND WEIRDOS” FROM DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS TOGETHER FOR ACID KAT FEST III Acid Kat Fest III 4 p.m. Friday, July 31, and 2 p.m. Saturday, August 1. 2720 Cherokee, 2720 Cherokee Street. $15 to $25. 314-875-0233.

hen Austin Nitsua was a kid, he would lie under the covers on Monday nights with his radio tuned to KDHX (88.1 FM), listening to Jason Rerun’s now-bygone Scene of the Crime radio show. As a middle school student growBY ing up in the suburbs, Nitsua DEREK had a hard time making it to the city for shows, but S C H W A R T Z through Rerun he learned about classic St. Louis punk bands including the Welders and Max Load. Scene of the Crime was his window into another world. Ten years later Nitsua is done observing from afar. In addition to singing and playing bass in Animal Teeth and the Soda Boys, he is the founder of Acid Kat Zine, a homemade publication featuring music reviews, interviews, art, comics and more. Next week Acid Kat will celebrate its third birthday with Acid Kat Fest III, a two-day music festival featuring nearly 50 bands from St. Louis and beyond. The show will get started on July 31 at 2720 Cherokee Street, and will include sets from the likes of 18andCounting, the Jockstraps and Beauty Pageant. On a Friday afternoon Nitsua arrives at a coffee shop right on time to talk about the festival. As the interview is getting started, a loud clank breaks the silence. Austin Nitsua has just fallen out of his chair. “Wow, that’s a great way to start the interview off,” he says from the floor, his arm propped against the stool. He is dressed in black jeans, a black leather vest and two studded bracelets. He has round, sleek black glasses. A massive spider ring adorns one of his fingers; silver fangs reach toward his knuckle. “I dress kind of old-school punk, which isn’t really necessary, but I like dressing this way,” he explains. “I think nostalgia is very important because you need to know your roots. It’s kind of cool, it’s vintage, it’s a

M A D D I E R E H AY E M

throwback. It makes you feel a connection to something you never were a part of.” Judging solely from his stage persona, one might suspect Nitsua is a madman. At a recent Soda Boys show, he spent a good portion of the set rolling around on the floor in the fetal position, clenching the microphone tightly with both hands as he screamed the lyrics. Eventually, he stood up and hurtled through the crowd before precariously jumping on top of a stool to look down on the people beneath his feet. But in addition to being a musician, Nitsua is a substitute teacher and a history buff. Although he grew up in the dawn of the Internet, from listening to Scene of the Crime, he inherited a deep appreciation for ’80s punk culture. With the zine, he hopes to pay homage to the rich and complex history that punk was built upon. “I’m a big fan of classic punk. I just love it,” he says. “Sometimes people come up to me and ask why I didn’t just make a blog. It’s like, I did make a blog, except this is for everybody. Anybody can pick this up. You read something like Flipside or Slash Magazine back in the day, or even St. Louis’ Jet Lag, and it’s just way neater than a blog.” Nitsua compares Acid Kat to a trashcan stuffed with garbage. He and his team have

Austin Nitsua (center), Acid Kat founder, performing with Animal Teeth.

been heavily influenced by Robert Crumb and Zap Comix, and the zine overflows with drug humor and rock & roll stupidity. “I want it to be foul; I want it to be in your face,” he says. “If you look at classic punk, those guys were all about being offensive, and that’s kind of what the zine’s supposed to be. Its supposed to be like an eerie magazine from the ’70s but with modern bands in it.” On the xeroxed pages of each Acid Kat, the history and the future of punk are printed side by side. The Next Big Thing might share a page with a long-forgotten gem from twenty years ago. In the next issue, which Nitsua hopes to have released in time for the festival, readers can learn about the seminal St. Louis hardcore band Drunks with Guns, and then they can read a piece by Jeremy Kannapell about the local DJ scene. Nitsua mostly listens to punk and garage rock, but his contributors come from all corners of the St. Louis music scene, as well as cities across the country. The other four core members, who go by Tubby Tom, Kyle Izded, Adam Luckz and Karl Franky, each bring their own musical preferences and perspectives to the zine. Tubby Tom, for instance, gravitates toward poppier artists riverfronttimes.com

like CaveofwordS or the Arctic Monkeys. “When Tubby Tom writes about Drake or something, I don’t listen to that, but I want that to be in my zine,” Nitsua says. “A kid who would be at a Lumpy and the Dumpers show isn’t normally going to be at a Ghost Ice show, and my whole idea is to mix those scenes together.” With the festival, Nitsua is hoping to continue uniting music fans from different scenes. In addition to punk and garage groups, Acid Kat Fest will bring together rappers, DJs, noise bands and more. There will be artists from across the city, as well as touring groups such as WYMYNS PRYSYN (Atlanta) and Moon Hag (Canada). “What makes Acid Kat stand out is that we’re not trying to get the coolest bands in the world to play the festival,” he says. “We have some pretty solid bands, there are some bands that I’m super excited to see play, but the whole gist of it is to mix all these bands. Here’s your chance to kind of get this sampler, this cornucopia of weirdness in St. Louis. “Because we’re all freaks and weirdos, and we all have the same ideas,” Nitsua adds. “We’re all pretty much the same — we just like different forms of music.” ■

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b-sides Deep Cover AN UNDER COVER WEEKEND EXPANDS TO THREE NIGHTS FOR ITS NINTH YEAR

ANGELA VINCENT

aty Goldstein of Dots Not Feathers stands in front of a jam-packed crowd at the Firebird, wearing sequined gloves and a red leather jacket. One of her bandmates, Ryan Myers, has put down his guitar and is now carrying a small brown book. He’s outfitted in a red and white marching-band outfit, and he hardly glances down as he recites the spoken interlude to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” “And though you fight to stay alive/your body starts to shiver/for no mere mortal can resist/the evil of the thriller.” The year is 2012, but it may as well be 1983. Welcome to An Under Cover Weekend, an annual music festival where local bands come together to play thirty-minute tributes to music icons from across the ages. “When we did Michael Jackson it was, second to my wedding, the best night of my life,” Goldstein says. “It was just so cool. It’s so much fun to see the crowd interact with you. It feels like you’re actually time traveling almost, like you’re all kind of going back in time and everyone is singing the lyrics with you.” In late September, Goldstein will return to

An Under Cover Weekend for her third year, this time playing alongside her bandmates from the Resounding. The festival will be celebrating its ninth year with a fifteen-band lineup, featuring the likes of Life Without, Various Hands and Blackwater ’64. “What we really are trying to do is allow people to find their new favorite local band by identifying with who they pay tribute to,” explains Michael Tomko, who organizes

Blackwater ‘64 Performing at An Undercover Weekend as the Foo Fighters.

the festival alongside Firebird owner Mike Cracchiolo. “Its so uplifting to hear people screaming at the top of their lungs for one of my friends in a local band. I live for that. That’s what keeps me doing this every year.” This year, for the first time since 2010, the festival is expanding from two nights to

HOMESPUN SUN BROS Biting Vines sunbros.bandcamp.com

HESS/CUNNINGHAM DUO Presser

t’s in the interest of full disclosure that we begin by noting that Joseph Hess is a regular contributor to the Riverfront Times and a valuable voice in covering the local noise and experimental scenes. But Hess’ work at this publication is probably the least interesting thing about him: He has played drums in bands including Spelling Bee and Sleep State, hosted a show on KDHX (88.1 FM), kept a running tally on experimental shows in St. Louis, and booked or promoted plenty of ambitious live bills. His Undercurrent series, which hosted inventive local lineups at the Schlafly Tap Room and then issued live recordings of those shows on cassette, became a kind of live show/ tape trading ouroboros in 2014. A recent event at the Pulitzer Arts Foundation paired two of Hess’ more recent musical outlets: Sun Bros — a trio with JJ Hamon (Demon Lover, Beth Bombara) on homemade modular synthesizer and Sam Clapp (Brainstems, Strong Force) on guitar — and the Hess/ Cunningham Duo, with Alex Cunningham on violin and guitar. The event at the Pulitzer doubled as a release party for these two acts, which share an ethos as well as a drummer. Because both recordings were conceived as cassette releases, each album contains two equallength sides. That immediately suggests both freedom and restraint: freedom from conventional song structures (or even song titles) but a strict adherence to a time limit. Both acts use the structure to expand from its starting points; whether or not the movement is complete by the end of the fifteen or twenty minutes is up to the listener to decide. 36

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For the Hess/Cunningham Duo’s Presser, the division between Side A and side B is severe. The album begins with Cunningham’s clipped, scribbled violin lines that bloom and growl over time as Hess adds a scrambling counterpoint. The immediate abrasiveness of Side B — in which Hess’ drums take the lead and push around the math-rock guitar lines — morphs into something more mysterious and delicate. Tape-hiss crackles provide the only percussion as Cunningham’s guitar strokes are placed so deep in the echo chamber that one only gets a sense of their vague outlines. Sun Bros’ Biting Vines is more invitingly melodic at first pass; Clapp’s guitar work shows traces of jazz discipline and jam-band discursiveness, and Hamon’s synthesis manages to retain a rhythmic and harmonic center even as its edges begin to fray. Side B is a bit more searching and exotic, especially as Hess responds in kind to the would-be tribal rhythms laid down by his bandmates. As the tape rolls on, the trio finds itself falling into a pleasingly rudimentary form of drum and bass, if only for a moment. Both releases benefit from post-production — neither was intended as a raw document, despite the on-the-fly approach to the composition. Presser was recorded by Andy Peterson (Trauma Harness) and the processing helps give it some range, especially to Cunningham’s moodier passages. Biting Vines distills two hours of music into a tight 30 minutes, and Hamon shows a typically deft hand in creating a collage that is disparate and, somehow, concise. –CHRISTIAN SCHAEFFER Want your CD to be considered for a review in this space? Send music c/o Riverfront Times, Attn: Homespun, 6358 Delmar Boulevard, Suite 200, St. Louis, Missouri, 63130. Email music@riverfronttimes.com for more information.

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three. The show will get started on Friday, September 25, at the Firebird and run through Sunday night. While attendees can expect mostly radio-friendly covers on Friday and Saturday, Tomko says that the third night will feature slightly edgier sets and a more contemporary style. “A lot of thought goes into carefully putting the pieces in the right spot,” Tomko says. “We really try to put the right bands in front of the right people. It may seem like a frivolous worry, but we want people to walk away with an unbeatable experience — something that they’re not going to get anywhere else.” Tomko explains that he and the other organizers had not initially intended to add a third night, but this year’s submissions were so strong that he couldn’t bear to write five more rejection letters. “I think that the strength of the additional five warranted a third night, and we felt they could carry their own on a Sunday,” he says. “These guys were convincing that what they were going to do is something great. We figured it was the time to give it a shot.” Every year, An Under Cover Weekend receives somewhere between 30 and 40 submissions from bands interested in playing the festival. In addition to picking a musician to which to pay tribute, each prospective band is asked to outline some of the more theatrical elements it plans to incorporate into the set. Tomko says that narrowing the lineup down to fifteen bands can be grueling, and the ones that get picked are not necessarily the most technically gifted musicians. “In our experience, it’s not always the most talented bands that have done the best sets,” Tomko explains. “A lot of it is about having the drive to find the accuracies, to find the things that will make it feel genuine to the crowd. A lot of it comes from the attitude or the theatrics.” There are a handful of sets that Tomko says he will never forget. He remembers Fattback covering Huey Lewis & the News, being beckoned onto the stage with a deafening chant of “Huey, Huey, Huey.” Then there was the time that Fractured Army covered the Eurythmics in 2009. Jessica Spitzer, who sings for Fractured Army, had spent the hours leading up to the set in a wig. Then, during the first song of their set, Spitzer ripped off the wig to reveal a bleach-blonde, Annie Lennox-style faux hawk. “Something like that makes you realize you can’t even anticipate the level that these bands will go to,” Tomko says. “Every year I see at least one band step beyond their ability. It’s not just that they step beyond their ability — they step beyond themselves. Sometimes your ability is only limited by you.” Find more information, including this year’s lineup, at undercoverweekend.com. —DEREK SCHWARTZ

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DA N N Y C L I N C H

critics’ picks

B L AC K FAST R EC O R D RELEASE SHOW

From the left: Chicago, Black Fast and Madisen Ward and the Mama Bear.

CHICAGO 7 p.m. Friday, July 31. Hollywood Casino Ampitheatre, 14141 Riverport Drive, Maryland Heights. $74. 314298-9944. Like the swallows at San Juan Capistrano, the band Chicago instinctively returns to St. Louis each summer. Hell, even its old lead singer Peter Cetera made a rare trip to town this season. And why not? Our fair city is always game for some horn-addled rock and top-shelf AM gold. The only question is: Who will join them on their yearly jaunt? It may be hard to top the co-billing of Chicago and Hall & Oates from a decade ago, but the 2015 bill will be worth the trip to the shed formerly known as Riverport: The mighty, deathless Earth, Wind & Fire will share the stage, bringing the number of onstage spit-valves to a record high. Read Up: Life-long EWF fans can bone up on the band’s history with lead singer Philip Bailey’s autobiography, Shining Star: Braving the Elements of Earth, Wind & Fire, which was released last year. — CHRISTIAN SCHAEFFER

8 p.m. Saturday, August 1. The Firebird, 2706 Olive Street. $10. 314-535-0353. Prepare yourself, lowly mortal: The towering metal monolith that is Black Fast will unleash its latest effort, Terms of Surrender, on an unsuspecting public at this show. The band’s first record since signing with eOne Music — home of top-tier metal acts including High On Fire, Overkill and Crowbar — should be expected to pack the same barbedwire-wrapped punch as its previous releases, only with sleeker production. Blistering leads, impressive technicality and searing, scorched-earth vocals abound. R.I.P. to your poor neck muscles — the level and severity of head-banging induced will likely keep your chiropractor flush with cash for the foreseeable future. No plebs allowed. Very Important Pizza: Head to Black Fast’s online store at squareup.com/market/blackfast for special V.I.P. packages for the show — shirts, tickets, posters, listening parties and, yes, pizza with the band are all on the table. — DANIEL HILL

NOW HIRING PHOTO G RAPH ERS The Riverfront Times is looking for outgoing, enthusiastic photographers to join the Riverfront Times Street Team. Team members promote the Riverfront Times at local events and take photos, gain e-mail addresses to build our database, and hand out free stuff! If you are interested in part time work (5-10 hours per week- nights and weekends are required) and want to attend the best events St. Louis has to offer, send your resume to emily.westerholt@riverfronttimes.com. Must be 21 years old! 38

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JOELL ORTIZ & ILLMIND 6 p.m. Sunday, August 2. The Demo, 4191 Manchester Avenue. $15. 314-833-5532. Though he has never really broken through in a mainstream way, Joell Ortiz has remained one of the most consistent and capable underground rappers since he got his start in 1998. Ortiz is a member of the hip-hop supergroup Slaughterhouse, signed to Eminem’s Shady Records, and in the past has seen brief stints with Dr. Dre’s Aftermath label, Interscope, and even an ill-fated near-deal with Jermaine Dupri’s So So Def imprint. Skilled in the art of battle-rapping, Ortiz was one of the first to respond when Kendrick Lamar’s “Control” verse shook the entire hip-hop world in the summer of 2013 — it could even be argued that his verse eclipsed Lamar’s effort. Joining Ortiz on this tour is producer Illmind — the two recently collaborated on their album Human, released on July 17. Six Degrees of Joell Ortiz: For a decidedly underground artist, Ortiz certainly has friends in high hip-hop places. Over the years the rapper has worked with the likes of Styles P, Big Daddy Kane, Akon, Ras Kass and Immortal echnique, just to name a few. — DANIEL HILL

M A D IS E N WA R D A N D THE MAMA BEAR 8 p.m. Monday, August 3. Old Rock House, 1200 South Seventh Street. $8 to $10. 314-588-0505. Cast your mind back two years: Madisen Ward and the Mama Bear played to a handful of folks on the top of the City Museum at KDHX’s annual Midwest Mayhem bash. Perhaps the mother and son duo knew what was to come: a record deal with Glassnote, major festival slots and world tours. But they didn’t play like it, and they still don’t. Steeped in gospel and hillbilly music, the Kansas City-area musicians also love contemporary folk of the Simon and Garfunkel school. Together they unwind serpentine stories full of subtle details and back them with just enough stomp, strum and call-and-response to keep the front-porch feeling alive — no matter how big the stage gets. Not Folkies-Come-Lately: Though Ruth and Madisen Ward have just hit the national radar, the Mama Bear has been performing since the ’70s, and together they’ve been making music for some seven years. — ROY KASTEN

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6261 Delmar in The Loop

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SaturDaY 8/22

UPCOMING SHOWS 9.2 THE GLITCH MOB 9.8 MOTORHEAD 9.9 RATATAT 9.10 PATTON OSWALT 9.11 O.A.R. 9.12 THUNDERHEAD: THE RUSH EXPERIENCE 9.18 KACEY MUSGRAVES 9.25 WARREN HAYNES 9.27 BEACH HOUSE 9.29 ZZ WARD 9.30 PARADOSIO 10.2 FUNK VOLUME TOUR 2015 W/ HOPSIN 10.6 GHOST 10.7 FATHER JOHN MISTY

10.8 BEN RECTOR 10.12 BRING ME THE HORIZON 10.15 FLUX PAVILION 10.16 LETTUCE 10.17 GRACE POTTER 10.19 PASSION PIT 10.21 LYLE LOVETT & JOHN HIATT 10.23 YELAWOLF/MEG MYERS 10.24 DRIVE-BY TRUCKERS 10.28 ANDREW MCMAHON IN THE WILDERNESS / NEW POLITICS 10.31 SOMO 11.6 TIMEFLIES 11.8 NEW FOUND GLORY / YELLOWCARD 11.23 GLEN HANSARD

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THIS JUST IN The 45: W/ Made in Waves, Sat., Aug. 15, 8 p.m., $6-$8. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis. Abigail Williams: W/ Today is the Day, Sun., Sept. 13, 6 p.m., $15. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-2899050. Algiers: Mon., Oct. 5, 7:30 p.m., $10. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353. Apostle of Solitude: W/ Planet Eater, Bong Threat, Fri., Sept. 18, 8 p.m., $10-$12. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. Black Pussy: W/ Ape Machine, Thu., Sept. 10, 8 p.m., $10. The Demo, 4191 Manchester Ave, St. Louis. Blis.: Mon., Sept. 14, 7 p.m., $12. The Demo, 4191 Manchester Ave, St. Louis. Brian Wright: W/ Caleb Caudle, Tue., Aug. 11, 8 p.m., $10. Blueberry Hill, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. Bring Me the Horizon: Mon., Oct. 12, 7 p.m., $27.50-$30. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. Caskey: W/ Lo-Er-Kace, Trenton P, Fri., Aug. 21, 7 p.m., $12-$15. Pop's T H IS C O D E TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE Nightclub, 401 Monsanto RIVERFRONT TIMES Ave., East St. Louis, 618274-6720. IPHONE/ANDROID APP Clutch: W/ Corrosion of FOR MORE CONCERTS OR VISIT Conformity, the Shrine, Fri., riverfronttimes.com Oct. 16, 7 p.m., $25. Pop's Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618274-6720. A Crowd Like You: W/ Approaching Troy, Capital Drive, Thu., Aug. 20, 7 p.m., $10-$12. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353. Daley: Thu., Oct. 15, 8 p.m., $20. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis. David Wax Museum: Fri., Oct. 30, 8 p.m., $10-$12. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-773-3363. Dead Mockingbirds: W/ the Langaleers, Bucko Toby, Fri., Aug. 21, 9 p.m., $7. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226. Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors: Wed., April 20, 8 p.m., $16-$18. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis. Entheos: Wed., Sept. 9, 6 p.m., $13. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. The Festival of Praise Tour: W/ Fred Hammond, Donnie McClurkin, Kim Burrell, Israel Houghton, Sun., Nov. 29, 7 p.m., $48-$98. The Fox Theatre, 527 N. Grand Blvd., St. Louis, 314-534-1111. Fruit Bats: Tue., Oct. 27, 8 p.m., $15. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. Full Devil Jacket: W/ Bridge To Grace, Tue., Sept. 15, 7 p.m., $13-$15. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353. G. Love & Special Sauce: Wed., Aug. 5, 9 p.m., $30. Blueberry Hill, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314727-4444. Gene Ween: Wed., Sept. 30, 8 p.m., $20. Blueberry Hill, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. GT: Thu., Aug. 20, 9 p.m., $7. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226. Heal Our City: The Mike Brown Benefit Concert: W/ Tiffany Foxx, Aye Verb, Tef Poe, Huey, JGE, Murphy Lee and Kyjuan, JR, J-Kwon, Fresco Kane, Fri., Aug. 7, 6 p.m., $10. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. Heatwave Music Fest 2015: W/ Satellite Theory, As Earth Shatters, Make Room, the Pachyderms, Pick Your Poison, City of Parks, Common Jones, Hollow Point, Day of Redemptions, Outcome of Betrayal, Inner Outlines, Sat., Aug. 29, 4 p.m., $10-$13. Pop's Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720. Highly Suspect: Sat., Aug. 8, 8 p.m., $10.57. Blueberry Hill, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. Holy White Hounds: W/ Handful of Zygotes, Antimony, Sat., Aug. 1, 9 p.m., $7. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226. I Actually Album Release Show: W/ Fumer, Durango, Mike Pennekamp, Fri., Aug. 7, 8 p.m., $5. The Firebird,

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2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353. IAmDynamite: W/ the Missing Letters, Ursa Major, Apart O' Heart, Thu., Aug. 20, 6 p.m., $12-$15. Pop's Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720. Idlehands: W/ Author, Sun., Sept. 20, 7 p.m., $12. The Demo, 4191 Manchester Ave, St. Louis. Ikillya: W/ Final Drive, Sun., Sept. 20, 7 p.m., $10-$12. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353. Jason Michael Carroll: Fri., Aug. 7, 8 p.m., $15. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis. Jeff Foxworthy & Larry the Cable Guy: Fri., Oct. 30, 7 p.m., $44.50-$59.50. Peabody Opera House, 1400 Market St, St. Louis, 314-241-1888. Joey Bada$$: W/ Denzel Curry, Bishop Nehru, Nyck Caution, Sun., Oct. 18, 8 p.m., $27.50-$30. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis. John D. Hale Band: Sat., Aug. 29, 8 p.m., $10-$12. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-773-3363. Kid Rock: Fri., Sept. 11, 7 p.m., TBA. Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre, I-70 & Earth City Expwy., Maryland Heights, 314-298-9944. Kylesa: Sat., Sept. 5, 8 p.m., $15-$18. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis. Mayday: W/ Kap Kallous, Uno Joven, Tylan, Looprat, Sat., Sept. 12, 7 p.m., $15-$18. Pop's Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720. Money for Guns: W/ Lina Uda, CaveofswordS, Sat., Sept. 12, 8 p.m., $8. Blueberry Hill, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. One-Eyed Doll: W/ Stitched up Heart, Sat., Oct. 10, 7 p.m., $14-$15. The Demo, 4191 Manchester Ave, St. Louis. Peace, Love, and Stuff: W/ Black Swift, the Skygbyrds, Tracing Wires, Fri., Aug. 7, 9 p.m., $7. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226. Pepperland: Fri., Aug. 28, 9 p.m., $10. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-773-3363. Pimps of Joytime: Thu., Oct. 15, 8 p.m., $12-$15. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. Red Fang: W/ Whores, Wild Throne, Tue., Oct. 6, 8 p.m., $16. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-5350353. Rock U Fest 2015: W/ Taller Than Trees, the Ruthless, Shotgun Abby, Slow Down Scarlett, SIFASIC, Dinofight, Crazy XXX Girlfriend, Stereo Disarm, Ramona Deflowered, My Molly, Typhoon Jackson, Suzie Cue, Taradiddle feat. Jen Galinski, Moon Thief, Chasing Ginger, Sat., Aug. 29, 4 p.m., $10. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis. Runaway Brother: W/ Secret Grief, Wed., Aug. 26, 7 p.m., $10. The Demo, 4191 Manchester Ave, St. Louis. Russian Circles: W/ Cloakroom, Thu., Oct. 8, 8 p.m., $15$17. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353. Saint Asonia: Sat., Aug. 15, 7 p.m., $20-$25. Pop's Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720. SIFASIC CD Release: W/ Slow Down Scarlett, the Edgefield C. Johnston Duo, Jamie M. George, Grass & Stone, Sat., Aug. 8, 9 p.m., $7. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226. Smiling Politely: W/ Riot For Violet, Ramona Deflowered, Thu., Aug. 6, 9 p.m., $8. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. The Glorious Sons: Fri., Oct. 2, 8 p.m., $12. Blueberry Hill, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. Tidal Volume Five-Year Anniversary: W/ Tradewinds, Electric South Side, the Neighborhood Watch, Sat., Aug. 15, 7 p.m., $8-$10. Blueberry Hill, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. Trivium: W/ Tremonti, Sun., Oct. 4, 6 p.m., $20-$22. Pop's Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-2746720. Twiztid: W/ Blaze Ya Dead Homie, Boondox, Prozak, Wolfpac, Scum, Trilogy, Sat., Oct. 31, 6 p.m., $20-$25. Pop's Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720. Vanilla Fudge: Sat., Aug. 8, 7 p.m., $25-$35. Pop's Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720. Voodoo Glow Skulls: W/ the Phenomenauts, Pinata Protest, Wed., Sept. 30, 8 p.m., $13-$15. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-773-3363. Whiskey Myers: Fri., Aug. 21, 8 p.m., $10-$12. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. The Wombats: Sat., Sept. 5, 8 p.m., $10.57. Blueberry Hill, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. Zach Vinson: W/ Ian McGowan and the Good Deeds, Typhoon Jackson, Fri., Aug. 28, 9 p.m., $7. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226. Zella Day: Sun., Sept. 13, 8 p.m., $15. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-773-3363.

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Summerland at Atomic Cowboy

Look for the RFT Street Team at the following featured events this week:

Summerland at Atomic Cowboy

Wednesday 7.29.15 What: Craft Beer Week Event - Barrel-aged Blowout When: 4 - 6 PM Where: Llywelyn’s Webster

Comic Con at St. Louis Public Library

Saturday 8.1.15 What: Saturday Sessions When: 9:30 AM - 12:30 PM Where: Tower Grove Farmer’s Market

Comic Con at St. Louis Public Library

Saturday 8.1.15 What: The Grove Criterium Bike Ride When: 1 - 8 PM Comic Con at St. Louis Public Library

Where: The Grove

Monday 8.3.15 What: Alice in Chains When: 5:30 - 8:30 PM Where: The Pageant

Comic Con at St. Louis Public Library

For more photos go to the Street Team website at www.riverfronttimes.com. STL Football Club Game riverfronttimes.com

J U LY 2 9 - A U G U S T 4 , 2 0 1 5

RIVERFRONT TIMES

out every night “Out Every Night” is a free listing open to all bars and bands in the St. Louis and Metro East areas. However, we reserve the right to refuse any entry. Listings are to be submitted by mail, fax or e-mail. Deadline is 5 p.m. Monday, ten days before Thursday publication. Please include bar’s name, address with ZIP code, phone number and geographic location; nights and dates of entertainment; and act name. Mail: Riverfront Times, attn: “Clubs,” 6358 Delmar Blvd., Suite 200, St. Louis, MO 63130-4719; fax: 314-754-6416; e-mail: clubs@ riverfronttimes.com. Schedules are not accepted over the phone. Because of last-minute cancellations and changes, please call ahead to verify listings.

T H U R S DAY American Aquarium: w/ Radio Birds, Thu., July 30, 8 p.m., $12-$15. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314773-3363, www.offbroadwaystl.com. Buffalo Rodeo: w/ Brother Lee & the Leather Jackals, Thu., July 30, 8 p.m., $5. Foam Coffee & Beer, 3359 Jefferson Ave., St. Louis, 314-772-2100, foamvenue.com/. CaveofswordS: w/ Curse of Cassandra, Search Parties, Thu., July 30, 9 p.m., $5. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226, www.theheavyanchor.com. Doughboy: Thu., July 30, 7 p.m., $11.54-$27.37. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050, www.fubarstl.com. Sam Smith: Thu., July 30, 8 p.m., $35-$89. Chaifetz Arena, 1 S. Compton Ave., St. Louis, 314-977-5000, www.thechaifetzarena.com.

F R I DAY BRUXISM Vol. 10: Fri., July 31, 8 p.m., $5. Foam Coffee & Beer, 3359 Jefferson Ave., St. Louis, 314-772-2100, foamvenue.com/. Cafe Soul Presents: Black Girls Rock!: w/ Syleena Johnson, Dharma Jean, Tish Haynes-Keyes, Truenessia Combs, Fri., July 31, 8 p.m., TBA. The Marquee Restaurant & Lounge, 1911 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-436-8889, www. themarqueestl.com. Captains Courageous CD Release: w/ Kids in Color, Decedy, the Weekend Routine, Alt Road, Fri., July 31, 6 p.m., $8-$10. Cicero's, 6691 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314862-0009, www.ciceros-stl.com. Chicago: w/ Earth, Wind & Fire, Fri., July 31, 7 p.m., $74. Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre, I-70 & Earth City Expwy., Maryland Heights, 314-298-9944, www.livenation.com/ Verizon-Wireless-Amphitheater-St-Louis-tickets-MarylandHeights/venue/49672. Coal Chamber: w/ Fear Factory, Saint Ridley, Fri., July 31, 5:30 p.m., $20-$23. Pop's Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720, www.popsrocks.com. Kutt Calhoun: Fri., July 31, 7 p.m., $10. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353, www.firebirdstl.com. Matt Poss Band: w/ Travis Beasley, Fri., July 31, 8 p.m., $10. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, www. thereadyroom.com. The Oh Hellos: Fri., July 31, 8 p.m., $15-$18. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505, www. oldrockhouse.com. Operator 303: w/ Munj, Addicted, Fight For Midnight, Pure October, Fri., July 31, 7 p.m., $8-$9. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050, www.fubarstl.com. Shark Dad CD Release: w/ Bassamp and Dano, Uncle Erik's Basement Quartet, Fri., July 31, 8 p.m., $5. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226, www. theheavyanchor.com. Twista: Fri., July 31, 7 p.m., $10-$15. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050, www.fubarstl.com. Walshy: w/ MarshyMarsh, Filthy Deluxe, the Outtakes, Fri., July 31, 7 p.m., $12. The Demo, 4191 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, www.thedemostl.com.

S AT U R DAY Black Fast Album Release Show: w/ Crimson Shadows, the Lion's Daughter, the Gorge, Sat., Aug. 1, 8 p.m., $10. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353, www. firebirdstl.com. The Fuck Off and Dies Record Release: w/ Braddock, Opposites Attack, Sat., Aug. 1, 9 p.m., $10. The Demo, 4191 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, www.thedemostl.com.

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Holy White Hounds: w/ Handful of Zygotes, Antimony, Sat., Aug. 1, 9 p.m., $7. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226, www.theheavyanchor.com. Keke Wyatt: Sat., Aug. 1, 9 p.m., $20-$30. Ambassador, 9800 Halls Ferry Road, North St. Louis County, 314-8699090, www.thenewambassadorstl.com/default.html. The Monkees: Sat., Aug. 1, 8 p.m., $65.90-$76.65. River City Casino & Hotel, 777 River City Casino Blvd., St. Louis, 314-388-7777, www.rivercity.com. Rob Bell: Sat., Aug. 1, 8 p.m., $25-$100. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., 314-726-6161, www.thepageant.com. The Shelby Lee Lowe Band: w/ John Maxfield, Sat., Aug. 1, 8 p.m., $10. Cicero's, 6691 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-862-0009, www.ciceros-stl.com. Shinedown: w/ Three Days Grace, Buckcherry, Hurt, Nothing More, Sat., Aug. 1, 5 p.m., $57. Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre, I-70 & Earth City Expwy., Maryland Heights, 314-2989944, www.livenation.com/Verizon-Wireless-AmphitheaterSt-Louis-tickets-Maryland-Heights/venue/49672.

S U N DAY CHUD: w/ Laffing Gas, Posture, Sun., Aug. 2, 8 p.m., $5. Foam Coffee & Beer, 3359 Jefferson Ave., St. Louis, 314-7722100, foamvenue.com/. Convictions: w/ My Heart To Fear, Play the Hero, Sun., Aug. 2, 6 p.m., $10-$12. Cicero's, 6691 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-862-0009, www.ciceros-stl.com. Holly Miranda: Sun., Aug. 2, 8 p.m., $10-$12. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-773-3363, www.offbroadwaystl.com. Joell Ortiz & !llmind: Sun., Aug. 2, 6 p.m., $15. The Demo, 4191 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, www.thedemostl.com. Kelly Clarkson: Sun., Aug. 2, 7 p.m., TBA. Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre, I-70 & Earth City Expwy., Maryland Heights, 314-298-9944, www.livenation.com/Verizon-Wireless-Amphitheater-St-Louis-tickets-Maryland-Heights/venue/49672. Tyler Lyle: Sun., Aug. 2, 8 p.m., $12. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050, www.fubarstl.com. Watsky: w/ A-1, Sun., Aug. 2, 8 p.m., $20-$25. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353, www.firebirdstl. com.

M O N DAY Alice in Chains: Mon., Aug. 3, 8 p.m., $47.50-$57. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161, www. thepageant.com. Givers: w/ Aero Flynn, Mon., Aug. 3, 8 p.m., $12-$14. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353, www. firebirdstl.com. Toupee: w/ Hardbody, Little Big Bangs, Mon., Aug. 3, 10 p.m., $5. Foam Coffee & Beer, 3359 Jefferson Ave., St. Louis, 314-772-2100, foamvenue.com/.

T U E S DAY Boy Hits Car: w/ Struck Down By Sound, Ever More Broken, Capitol Drive, Tue., Aug. 4, 7 p.m., $12. The Demo, 4191 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, www.thedemostl.com. Cymbals Eat Guitars: w/ See Through Dresses, Lobby Boxer, Mariner, Tue., Aug. 4, 8 p.m., $10-$12. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353, www.firebirdstl.com. Get At Me: w/ the Weekend Classic, Before the Streetlights, Alt. Road, Tue., Aug. 4, 7 p.m., $10. Cicero's, 6691 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-862-0009, www.ciceros-stl.com. The Weekend Classic: w/ Before the Streetlights, Tue., Aug. 4, 7 p.m., $10. Cicero's, 6691 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-862-0009, www.ciceros-stl.com.

W E D N E S DAY Bob Schneider: Wed., Aug. 5, 8 p.m., $20-$35. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-773-3363, www. offbroadwaystl.com. G. Love & Special Sauce: Wed., Aug. 5, 9 p.m., $30. Blueberry Hill, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-7274444, www.blueberryhill.com. Jeff Rosenstock: w/ Dan Andriano in the Emergency Room, Pet Symmetry, High Dive, Wed., Aug. 5, 8 p.m., $12.50-$15. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353, www. firebirdstl.com. Turkuaz: Wed., Aug. 5, 8 p.m., $10-$12. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505, www.oldrockhouse.com. The Weaks: w/ Sorority Noise, Choir Vandals, Wed., Aug. 5, 7 p.m., $10-$12. The Demo, 4191 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, www.thedemostl.com.

savage love Girl Party Hey, Dan: I have always wanted to have a girlsonly sex party, but I’m not sure how I feel about actually organizing one. What’s the etiquette if I do organize one myself ? Do I need to provide the dildos for people’s harnesses? Or just the condoms and lube? And how do I find people who want to attend? Do I just tweet out an invite? Is there a better way that makes me seem less sketchy? No Snappy Acronym

What I know about hosting girls-only sex parties could fit inside what I know about the Marvel universe with room left over for what I know about the Higgs boson — and all of that could BY fit inside Lindsey Graham’s chances of being president DAN with room left over for DonS AVA G E ald Trump’s humanity. But luckily for you, NSA, I know someone who knows quite a lot about both girl sex and sex parties. “Hosting a play party is much like hosting any other party,” said Allison Moon, a San Francisco–based writer and sex educator. “You want guests to feel welcome and comfortable — this means you provide lube, safer sex supplies, refreshments, and towels and/ or puppy pads.” Moon is the author of two popular lesbian werewolf novels — more are hopefully on their way — and the really terrific memoir Bad Dyke: Salacious Stories from a Queer Life. Her most recent book is Girl Sex 101, a terrific sex-ed book “for ladies and lady-lovers of all genders and identities” that features girl-sex wisdom from an array of sex-positive superstars. Moon has also hosted numerous sex parties, and says hosting a girls-only sex party does not obligate you to break open a piñata full of dildos as your guests arrive. “Toys are the responsibility of guests,” said Moon. “If NSA has a few sparkling-clean vibes and dildos that she doesn’t mind using as party favors, by all means put them out. I have a couple of Magic Wands that are great for getting the party started, because there’s always someone who’s wanted to try one. But she doesn’t have to spend a ton of cash outfitting her friends’ crotches.” As for finding people who might want to attend your sex party, Moon and I both agree that putting an invite on Twitter — or Facebook or Instagram or Farmers Only or Yik Yak — is a very, very bad idea. “NSA should stay away from social media to start,” said Moon. “Instead, she should make a list of friends who might be down and give them a call to see if they have friends they’d want to bring. Bonus points if she has friends who are up for being used as ‘ringers.’

Lady parties are notorious for taking hours to warm up — someone has to be the first one in the pool, and a ringer can help get the party started. Or she could consider some ice-breaking games, like spin the bottle, as a goofy way to get the girls ready to grind on each other.” But let’s say you don’t have any friends who might want to come to your girls-only sex party — or you’re too chicken to ask your friends — is there another way? “If her slutty-friend pool is small, she could look at sites devoted to sex-positive folks, like FetLife or her local chapter of a leather women’s group. But she should be super explicit about her women-only policy if she does post anywhere online, and she should also consider screening guests with a phone call. And I strongly recommend a closed-door policy, i.e., folks must arrive by a certain time or they can’t come in. This keeps you from having to monitor the door all night so you can enjoy your own damn party.” You can follow Moon @TheAllisonMoon — and you should listen to a really moving story she shared recently on RISK!, Kevin Allison’s amazing podcast, about her friend Hans (“Four Orgies and a Funeral”). You can find RISK! on iTunes or at Risk-Show.com.

WIN FREE STUFF Film Passes, Concert Tickets, Local events, Music/movies, Restaurant gift cards, and much, much more!!! enter to win at: Riverfronttimes.com/ promotions/freestuff/

Hey, Dan: I’m an early-thirties gay man who’s never had much success with relationships. However, I’m writing about a female friend of mine. We’ve known each other since college, and she’s generally wonderful but frequently pesters me with some variant of “So, when are you gonna settle down with a nice fella?” I try to deflect these comments without being too confrontational because I realize she wants me to be happy, but she doesn’t get how annoying this is. I’d like some way to indicate, “You know relationships are not my forte and you’re hurting my feelings,” without having to risk hurting hers. Friend’s Annoying Question

So you’ve allowed a friend to hurt your feelings over and over again because you’re worried that telling her to knock it the fuck off might hurt her feelings? Speak the fuck up already, FAQ: “I have no idea if I’m ever going to settle down with a fella, nice or otherwise, and it hurts my feelings when you ask about it. So stop asking.” If she persists, then either your friend doesn’t care that she’s hurting your feelings (malice!) or she’s too dense to realize this question hurts your feelings despite having been told it hurts your feelings (stupidity!). Then you’ll have to ask yourself why you’re wasting your time on someone who’s malicious, stupid or both. On the Lovecast, Dan chats with Matt Baume about heroes of the gay marriage fight: savagelovecast.com. mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter riverfronttimes.com M9O-N ER FR IM E S 451 riverfronttimes.com J U LY 2 A TUHG UXSX–X T 4X, ,22001 0 5X RR I VI V ER FR OO NN T TT IT M ES

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100 Employment 105 Career/Training/Schools THE OCEAN CORP. 10840 Rockley Road, Houston, Texas 77099. Train for a new career. *Underwater Welder. Commercial Diver. *NDT/Weld Inspector. Job Placement Assistance. Financial Aid avail for those who qualify 1.800.321.0298

120 Drivers/Delivery/Courier ! Drivers Needed ASAP ! Requires Class E, B or A License. S Endorsement Helpful. Must be 25 yrs or older. Will Train. ABC/Checker Cab Co CALL NOW 314-725-9550

500 Services 505 Automotive Services AUTO INSURANCE STARTING AT $25/ MONTH! Call 855-977-9537

525 Legal Services DWI/BANKRUPTCY HOTLINE: R.O.C. LAW , A Debt Relief Agency, Helping People File For Bankruptcy Relief Under the New Bankruptcy Code. 314-843-0220 The choice of a lawyer is an important decision & shouldn’t be based solely upon advertisements.

DWI/Traffic from $50/Personal Injury.

Mark Helfers, 314-862-6666

155 Medical Research Studies Interested in research studies on diabetes call Washington University, Vitamin D Study at (314) 3620934.

Washington University study seeks women 1449! Available services include birth control, GYN exams, & STI tests. 314-747-0800

190 Business Opportunities Avon Full Time/Part Time, $15 Fee. Call Carla: 314-665-4585 For Appointment or Details Independent Avon Rep.

MAKE $1000 Weekly!! Mailing Brochures From Home. Helping home workers since 2001. Genuine Opportunity. No Experience Required. Start Immediately. www. theworkingcorner.com (AAN CAN)

193 Employment Information CDL- A DRIVERS and Owner Operators: $1,000.00 sign on, Company/ Safety Bonuses. Home daily/ weekly. Regional runs. Great Benefits. 1-888-300-9935

Choice of a lawyer is an important decision & should not be based solely on advertising

Personal Injury, Workers Comp, DWI, Traffic 314-621-0500

ATTORNEY BRUCE E. HOPSON

The choice of a lawyer is an important decision & should not be based solely on advertising.

530 Misc. Services WANTS TO purchase minerals and other oil & gas interests. Send details to P.O. Box 13557, Denver, Co 80201

537 Adoptions PREGNANT? THINKING OF ADOPTION? Talk with caring agency specializing in matching Birthmothers with Families Nationwide. LIVING EXPENSES PAID. Call 24/7 Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions. 866-413-6293. Void in Illinois/New Mexico/ Indiana (AAN CAN)

400 Buy-Sell-Trade 420 Auto-Truck

BUYING JUNK CARS, TRUCKS & VANS

CASH FOR CARS: Any Car/ Truck. Running or Not! Top Dollar Paid. We Come To You! Call For Instant Offer: 1-888-420-3808 www.cash4car.com (AAN CAN)

800 Health & Wellness 805 Registered Massage

HHHHH Simply Marvelous

Call Cynthia today for your massage. M-F 7-5, Sat. 9-1. 314-265-9625 - Eureka Area #2001007078

HHHHHHH A New Intuitive Massage Call Natalie 314.799.2314 www.artformassage.info CMT/LMT 2003026388

A Wonderfully relaxing intuitive massage by licensed therapist. OPEN SUNDAYS 314-706-4076 2002030286 AmandasMiniDaySpa.com $40/1 hr, $60/1.5 hr-Incall.

314-467-0766

510 E. Chain of Rocks, Granite City, By Appt Only. 8A-9P. Lic #2001010642 Escape the Stresses of Life with a relaxing Oriental MASSAGE & Reflexology You’ll Come Away Feeling Refreshed & Rejuvenated. Call 314-972-9998 Full Body Massage FOR MEN Tailored to YOUR needs. IN/OUT CALLS. Call or Text Paul @ 314608-4296. M-F 12pm-9pm. #2004009095

Health Therapy Massage

Relax, Rejuvenate & Refresh!

Flexible Appointments

Monday Thru Sunday (Walk-ins welcome) 320 Brooke’s Drive, 63042 Call Cheryl. 314-895-1616 or 314-258-2860 LET#200101083 Now Hiring...Therapists Make Every Day Special with a Luxurious Asian Massage at Spa Chi Massage & Day Spa 109 Long Rd Chesterfield MO 636-633-2929 www.spa-chi.com

Ultimate Massage by Summer!!!! Relaxing 1 Hr Full Body Massage. Light Touch, Swedish, Deep Tissue. Daily 10am-5pm South County. 314-620-6386 Ls # 2006003746

810 Health & Wellness General ARE YOU ADDICTED TO PAIN MEDICATIONS OR HEROIN? Suboxone can help. Covered by most insurance. Free & confidential assessments. Outpatient Services. Center Pointe Hospital 314-292-7323 or 800-345-5407 763 S. New Ballas Rd, Ste. 310 SUNRISE DAY SPA *SPECIALS* $30-Therapeutic Foot Massage $50-1 HR Full Body Massage See display for coupon! 9441 Olive Blvd. St. Louis, MO 314-993-0517 www.sunrisedayspa.com VIAGRA 100mg, CIALIS 20mg. 40 Pills + 4 FREE for only $99. #1 Male Enhancement! Discreet Shipping. Save $500. Buy the Blue Pill Now! 1-800-404-1271

600 Music 610 Musicians Services MUSICIANS Do you have a band? We have bookings. Call (314)781-6612 for information Mon-Fri, 10:00-4:30 MUSICIANS AVAILABLE Do you need musicians? A Band? A String Quartet? Call the Musicians Association of St. Louis (314)781-6612, M-F, 10:00-4:30 MUSICIANS Do you have a band? We have bookings. Call (314)781-6612 for information Mon-Fri, 10:00-4:30 MUSICIANS AVAILABLE Do you need musicians? A Band? A String Quartet? Call the Musicians Association of St. Louis (314)781-6612, M-F, 10:00-4:30 MUSICIANS Do you have a band? We have bookings. Call (314)781-6612 for information Mon-Fri, 10:00-4:30

314-968-6555

Are You Addicted to Pain Are You Addicted to Medications or Heroin? Pain Medications Suboxone Can Help. or•Confidential Heroin? Outpatient •Convenient OUTPATIENT SERVICES

• More driving time than any other school in the state •

CHIPPEWA! $825 314-309-2043 Stylish 3 bed house, 2 car garage, walk-out basement, central air, hardwood floors, fenced yard, loaded kichen, pets allowed! rs-stl. com RGRNS

317 Apartments for Rent DOWNTOWN

$569-$3000

888-323-6917

THE GENTRY’S LANDING

More than you’d expect for less than you’d imagine. The Best Views in St Louis overlooking the Arch/Riverfront. Spacious studio’s, 1 & 2 bedroom apartments-Fully Furnished Apt’s and short-term leases also available. Rooftop pool, two fitness centers, community room and business center w/WiFi. Penthouse Suites Available. www.gentryslanding.com DOWNTOWN Cityside-Apts 314-231-6806 Bring in ad & application fee waived! Gated prkng, onsite laundry. Controlled access bldgs, pool, fitness, business ctr. Pets welcome HOLLY-HILLS! $525 314-423-3522 Sharp 2 bedroom, basement, washer/dryer included, fireplace, fenced yard, appliances, pets, negotiable deposit & lease term!! rs-stl.com RGRM6 MAPLEWOOD! $475 314-309-2043 Nice apartment, all-electric, central air, kitchen appliances, hardwood floors, pets, off street parking! rs-stl.com RGRM8 NEAR-BENTON-PARK! $495 314-309-2043 2 br duplex, hardwood floors, walk-out basement, off street parking, lawn care included, utilities paid! RGRM4 NORTH-CITY 1-bedroom-apts 314-921-9191 4008 Garfield $315/mo $415 deposit. 5071 Ruskin $350/mo $450 deposit. Credit Check Required. NORTH-CITY! $350 314-309-2043 1 br, all-electric, all kitchen appliances, plush carpet, recent upgrades! rs-stl.com RGRM1 NORTH-COUNTY $500 (314)606-7868 Senior Community: 2Br, Fridge, Stove, Dishwasher, C/A, W/D Hkup. NORTH-COUNTY! $499 314-309-2043 No Deposit! 2 br, garage w/opener, central air, all kitchen appliances, pets, off street parking, ready now! rs-stl.com RGRM5

FLORISSANT! $750 314-309-2043 Roomy 3 bed, 1.5 bath house, central air, double carport, vaulted ceilings, newer carpet, recent updates! rs-stl.com RGRNQ MARYLAND-HEIGHTS $1100 314-443-4478 1557 Redcoat: All elec. 3 bdrm, 2 bath house. Parkway Schools. MORGANFORD! $385 314-309-2043 1 br, nice carpet, central air, all appliances, pets, welcome, w/d hookups, part bills paid! rs-stl.com RGRM2 NORTH ST. LOUIS COUNTY 314-579-1201 or 636-939-3808 2, 3 & 4BR homes for rent. eatonproperties.com. Sec. 8 welcome SOUTH-CITY $790 314-223-8067 2 BR house,some wood floors, stove/fridge, W/D hkup in bsmt, new C/A, garage, porch. No Sec. 8. SOUTH-CITY! $475 314-309-2043 Sharp house, full basement, central air, garage w/opener, fenced yard, all appliances, built-ins, only $200 deposit! rs-stl.com RGRNO SOUTH-CITY! $700 314-832-2313 Private 3 bed house, big basement, plush carpet, dishwasher, garage, fenced yard for kids, all appliances! rs-stl.com RGRNP SOUTH-COUNTY! $550 314-309-2043 Updated 1 bedroom house, all kitchen appliances, hardwood floors, cold a/c, large yard for pets, lawn care included! rs-stl.com RGRNR ST-LOUIS-UNIVERSITY! $950 314-309-2043 Large 3 bed, 1.5 bath house, full basement, central air, nice hardwood floors, all appliances, negotiable deposit! rs-stl.com RGRNT SOUTH-CITY! $475 314-309-2043 Sharp house, full basement, central air, garage w/opener, fenced yard, all appliances, built-ins, only $200 deposit! rs-stl.com RGRNO

PAGE! $450 314-309-2043 2 br, central air, basement, hardwood floors, all appliances, w/d hookups, near bus line, no app fee! rs-stl.com RGRM3 RICHMOND-HEIGHTS $515-$555 (Special) 314-995-1912 1 MONTH FREE! 1BR, all elec off Big Bend, Metrolink, 40, 44, Clayton SOUTH CITY $400-$850 314-771-4222 Many different units www.stlrr.com 1-3 BR, no credit no problem SOUTH ST. LOUIS CITY 314-579-1201 or 636-939-3808 1, 2 & 3 BR apts for rent. www.eatonproperties.com. Sec. 8 welcome SOUTH-CITY 314-504-6797 5052 Miami: remodeled 1 BD, sunroom, C/A, appls, near shopping. SOUTH-CITY

$495 314-707-9975 813-815 Courtois St: 2 BR, hdwd flrs, C/A.

SOUTH-CITY $530 314-481-6443 6429 Gravois- Apt. 2 BR, C/A, Carpet, Draperies. $530 deposit $430-$554

314-277-0204

SOUTH-CITY $450-$495 314-707-9975 Grand & Bates: 1 BRs, hardwood flrs, all electric, C/A.

Suboxone Can Help.

$45-$50 thousand the 1st year, great benefits, call SMTDS, Financial assistance available if you qualify. Free living quarters. 6 students max per class. 4 wks. 192 hours.

SOUTH CITY $160/wk or $640/mo 314-771-4054 3 Rooms, Private Bath, A/C, Cable, Everything furnished.

BROADWAY! $450 314-309-2043 All-electric 2 bed house, central air, newer carpet, off street parking, pets welcome, only $250 deposit, short term lease! rs-stl.com RGRNN

3901 Keokuk 1BR; 3841 Gustine 1BR; 3718 McDonald 2BR

•Covered by most insurance •Free & confidential assessments

IF YOU DESIRE TO MAKE MORE MONEY AND NEED A NEW JOB EARNING

320 Houses for Rent

385 Room for Rent

SOUTH-CITY

SOUTHERN MISSOURI TRUCK DRIVING SCHOOL P.O. Box 545 • Malden, MO 63863 • 1.888.276.3860 • www.smtds.com

www.LiveInTheGrove.com

300 Rentals

Outpatient - Confidential - Convenient 763 S. NEW BALLAS RD. STE. 310  Covered byLOUIS, most insurance SAINT MO 63141  Free & confidential assessments

314-292-7323

or SERVICES OUTPATIENT

5000 CEDAR PLAZA PKWY., STE. 380 763SAINT S. NEWLOUIS, BALLASMO RD.,63128 STE. 310 ST LOUIS, MO 63141 314-842-4463 After hours 314-292-7323 or weekends 800-345-5407 or 5000 CEDAR PLAZA PKWY., STE. 380 ST LOUIS, MO 63128 314-842-4463

After hours or weekends: 800-345-5407

SOUTH-CITY $475 314-223-8067 Move in Special! Spacious 1BRs, Oak Floors, Ceiling Fans, Stove & Refrigerator, A/C, W/D Hook-Up, Nice area SOUTH-CITY $500 314-731-0840 4239 Tholozan. 2BR, Eat in Kitchen, C/A, W/D hkps, Application req. ST. CHARLES COUNTY 314-579-1201 or 636-939-3808 1 & 2 BR apts for rent. www.eatonproperties.com. Sec. 8 welcome ST. JOHN $495-$595 314-423-3106 Special! 1BR.$495 & 2BR.$595. Near 170 & St.Charles Rock Rd UNIVERSITY-CITY! $595 314-309-2043 2 br, central air, beautiful hardwood floors, all appliances, w/d hookups, off street parking! rs-stl.com RGRM7 WESTPORT/LINDBERGH/PAGE $525-$575 314-995-1912 1 mo FREE! 1BR ($525) & 2BR ($575 specials) Clean, safe, quiet. Patio, laundry, great landlord! Nice Area near I-64, 270, 170, 70 or Clayton

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Are You Addicted to Pain Medications or Heroin ?

314-754-5966

Suboxone Can Help. Outpatient • Confidential • Convenient •Covered by most insurance •Free & confidential assessments

OUTPATIENT SERVICES

763 S. NEW BALLAS RD. STE. 310 SAINT LOUIS, MO 63141

314-292-7323 or

5000 CEDAR PLAZA PKWY., STE. 380 SAINT LOUIS, MO 63128

314-842-4463

After hours or weekends 800-345-5407

Are You Addicted to Pain Medications or Heroin?

BUYING JUNK CARS, TRUCKS & VANS 314-968-6555

Suboxone Can Help.

DATING MADE EASY... LOCAL SINGLES! Listen & Reply FREE! 314-739-7777 FREE PROMO CODE: 9512 Telemates

Outpatient - Confidential - Convenient Covered by most insurance Free & confidential assessments

DWI/BANKRUPTCY HOTLINE:

R.O.C. LAW , A Debt Relief Agency, Helping People File For Bankruptcy Relief Under the New Bankruptcy Code.  314-843-0220 The choice of a lawyer is an important decision & shouldn’t be based solely upon advertisements. 

DWI/Traf $50+/Personal Injury-

OUTPATIENT SERVICES

Mark Helfers, 314-862-6666- CRIMINAL former Asst US Attorney, 32 years exp

www.HelfersLaw.com The choice of a lawyer is an important decision & should not be based solely on advertising

EarthCircleRecycling.com - 314-664-1450 Earth Circle’s mission is to creatively assist businesses and residents with their recycling efforts while providing the friendliest and most reliable service in the area. Call Today!

GOLD CONSULTANTS NEEDED www.globalgoldbars.com

PAINLESS TATTOO REMOVAL SEE OUR AD ON PAGE 22 OR CALL 866-626-8346

IMPROVE YOUR CREDIT SCORES WITHIN 30 TO 120 DAYS

763 S. NEW BALLAS RD., STE. 310 ST LOUIS, MO 63141 314-292-7323 or 5000 CEDAR PLAZA PKWY., STE.old, 380who suffer 18-70 yrs from depression. ST LOUIS, MO 63128 314-842-4463

A clinical research study for adults

After hours or weekends: 800-345-5407

We removed bad debt, charge-offs, collections, bankruptcy, judgement, repossessions, foreclosure & more so call 314-774-4614 www.protradelines.com

CALL 636-477-6111

No upfront fees. Covered by most insurance.

NOT AFFILIATED WITH A HOSPITAL

ATTORNEY BRUCE E. HOPSON

The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertising.

Spiritual Readings by Randy Call Today for Your Free Mini Reading. 314-744-9160 www.LiveInTheGrove.com

BUYING JUNK CARS, TRUCKS & VANS 314-968-6555 DWI/BANKRUPTCY HOTLINE:

R.O.C. LAW , A Debt Relief Agency, Helping People File For Bankruptcy Relief Under the New Bankruptcy Code. 314-843-0220 The choice of a lawyer is an important decision & shouldn’t be based solely upon advertisements.

DWI/Traf $50+/Personal InjuryMark Helfers, 314-862-6666- CRIMINAL former Asst US Attorney, 32 years exp

www.HelfersLaw.com The choice of a lawyer is an important decision & should not be based solely on advertising

EarthCircleRecycling.com - 314-664-1450

Earth Circle’s mission is to creatively assist businesses and residents with their recycling efforts while providing the friendliest and most reliable service in the area. Call Today!

GOLD CONSULTANTS NEEDED www.globalgoldbars.com

Specials $30 $50

WE DO REAL CREDIT REPAIR

Are you addicted to Opiates? Pain medications or heroin? SUBOXONE CAN HELP

Personal Injury, Workers Comp, DWI, Traffic 314-621-0500

Therapeutic Foot Massage 1 Hr. Full Body Massage

Specializing in Chinese Accupressure, Deep Tissue, Hot Oil, Hot Stone, Swedish, Therapeutic Foot Massage 9441 OLIVE BLVD. ST. LOUIS, MO 63132 HOURS 9AM - 9PM

314-993-0517

w w w. S U N R I S E DAYS PA .C O M

ARE YOU DEPRESSED? If you’re feeling exhausted and sad and have no interest in things you used to enjoy, if your appetite has changed and you can’t sleep, you may be suffering from depression.

•Full Body Massage •Deep Tissue Massage •Hot Stone •Couples Massage •Swedish Massage •Chinese Accupressure 109 Long Rd. • Chesterfield, MO 63005

636-633-2929

www.spa-chi.com • Open everyday 9:30-9:30

Learn more at www.mac-research.com or call 314-647-1743 to see if you qualify.

Specializing in Adolescents, Adults, and Women Medication Management and Therapy 255 SPENCER RD., ST. PETERS MO 63376

RIVERFRONT TIMES

Mid-America Clinical Research, LLC

J U LY 2 9 - A U G U S T 4 , 2 0 1 5

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Make Every Day Special with a Luxurious Asian Massage