Big Mad

THE BIG MAD

Axes to Grind

Arch enemies, marred murals and the biggest O’Toole in the box

Compiled by DANIEL HILL

Welcome back to the Big Mad, the RFT’s weekly roundup of righteous rage! Because we know your time is short and your anger is hot:

O’Toole Again: The search for a new police chief to replace the retiring John Hayden is ongoing, and it doesn’t seem to be going that great. The city’s Personnel Department rejected all but two internal candidates, and one of them is none other than Mr. “The police own the night” himself, Lt. Col. Lawrence O’Toole. This unwelcome news arrived December 19 through a front-page story from the St. Louis Post-Dispatch’s Erin Heffernan, who revealed a behind-the-scenes look at the search — and it’s got all the classic features of St. Louis’ fabulously dysfunctional government systems. Let’s recall: In September 2017, O’Toole oversaw the mass “kettle” arrest that would brutalize dozens of protesters and bystanders. It was an action for which he later infamously proclaimed victory about owning the night, but among the people caught in the storm of fists, knees and tasers was Luther Hall, an undercover officer beaten by his fellow cops. This year marked multiple criminal trials of those now ex-officers. Two pleaded guilty and one was convicted at trial. The timing, therefore, feels perfectly awful for O’Toole to be one of two finalists for chief. What gives? Ah, seasoned political observer that you are, surely you will not be surprised to know the answer is Very Dumb: Citing City Hall sources, Heffernan reported that four external candidates had not been given written tests — needed to advance in the hiring process — because the city’s Personnel Department “had not found a way to test candidates virtually because of concerns over the internet connectivity in the department’s offices in the Carnahan Courthouse and security concerns about cheating.” It is a sentence that gets worse the more you think about it, or, for instance, about how thousands of school children have spent the last two years taking tests without much incident. There is some good news: The Civil Service Commission voted on December 20 to direct the department to find a way to upgrade their internet for virtual testing, but it’s not clear where the chief selection process goes from here — and whether St. Louis will really get Chief O’Toole 2.0.

Careful With That Axe: In its ongoing bid to take over the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, New York City-based hedge fund Alden Capital has turned to the last refuge of the spurned sociopath: litigation. Last week, Alden sued the Post-Dispatch’s parent company, Lee Enterprises, claiming that Lee broke their own company’s bylaws when they refused to seat three Alden lackeys on their board. This is a complicated business story, laden with the ridiculous high jargon of corporate America, but let’s be honest: a Google image search for “Alden Capital CEO” tells you all you need to know. The dude is Patrick Bateman, and Patrick Bateman is trying to get Lee to come up to his Manhattan apartment for a night cap. Lee tried to let Alden down easy by saying that the invitation for the drink had “paperwork issues” which, sadly, meant Lee had no choice but to decline. But now Alden — not one to let itself be let down easy — is really pressing the issue with their lawsuit. Lee is going to have to get more creative with their excuses ... either that, or go get an axe bigger than the one Alden is concealing rather poorly beneath its raincoat.

Arch Enemies: What is built in St. Louis does not stay in St. Louis, and Las Vegas is clearly proof of that. Fox 2 recently showcased Vegas’ sparkling 80-foot Arches that bear a striking resemblance to our very own beauty, and we have one thing to say: Size does matter. Our beloved Gateway Arch stands over 600 feet tall and can be spotted from near or far with a famous “There’s the Arch” utterance, but Vegas’ puny twin arches had to add purple sparkling lights to stick out along the city’s bustling streets. Our Arch doesn’t need all the flashy lights to shine, nor does it need a second to share its glory. Las Vegas wants what St. Louis has, and we can’t fault them for that. The Arch truly is a beacon of the Lou’s greatness — Vegas just wants a piece of the action.

Go Front Yourselves: On Saturday night, a certain white nationalist hate group who shall not be named vandalized the Black history mural on Washington University’s South 40 Underpass, spray-painting over images of prominent black leaders in an act that mostly just drove home the point of Detroit artist Jonathan Harris’ brilliant and recently viral “Critical Race Theory” painting. We at the RFT have better things to do than waste too many words on such losers, so we’ll keep this succinct: Get the fuck out of our city, scumbags. Your hate isn’t welcome in St. Louis. n