“It Won’t Happen to Me”

The statistics cannot be denied. Seventy percent¹ of Americans will need longterm care before they die. On average, someone needing long-term care will receive over four years of care in their home and then will go on to a facility, such as an assisted living, a memory care facility, or a nursing home for another two years. Long-term care includes assistance with bathing, dressing, eating, moving around, toileting or incontinence due to physical limitations or cognitive impairment.

The interesting dynamic is how differently men and woman tend to view long-term care, which relates to how they tend to think about risk. Harley Gordon, an influential elder law attorney, wrote a book about it, “The Conversation,” Helping Someone You Love Plan for an Extended Care Event.” He notes, “Men are wired to minimize if not dismiss risk in life. If there is no risk of a serious event happening, what consequences can there be? If there are no consequences, why put together a plan?” Whereas, he says, “women have an aversion to risk. They see the risk of serious event and the consequences of it as being inseparable.”

Gordon observes that trying to motivate men to plan for long-term care with the statistics doesn’t work because they don’t believe it will happen to them, whereas women hope it won’t but understand that the odds are that it will. He recommends that since men are most motivated by taking care of those they love, the conversation about planning for long-term care needs to focus on the consequences to those they love if they fail to act, and long-term care is needed.