If You’re

Sleeping Apart as a Preference

Sometimes there isn't a major physical problem, just a case of separate arrangements being the most comfortable. Amy Boland of Minneapolis noted that she and her wife married in her 40s when they'd already had considerable life experience sleeping separately.

"It's a big adjustment to sleep together every night," she said. Her wife sometimes is restless or needs a fan to sleep and usually goes to her separate room at that point.

"I like it when she sleeps with me, and I like it when she doesn't. Nobody's mad, nobody's sad," Boland said.

Committed Couple, Sleeping Apart: What the Experts Say

Troxel thinks these partners made smart decisions. She doesn't advise every couple to take that step, but notes that it benefits a good many people.

"I'd love to see the conversation move into putting sleep as a priority in your relational goals," she said. "That third of our lives where we're not awake has a critical function in our relationships. Prioritizing that need and being open and willing to problem-solve to find strategies that are going to work for you is the best thing you can give your relationship."

Licensed marriage and family therapist Megan Bearce of Minneapolis, author of "Super Commuter Couples," noted that even 15 years ago, The New York Times did a story on homebuilders who saw increased demand for homes with two main bedrooms. Yet the stigma of being thought to have marital problems remains. "The elephant in the room is the guilt and shame that sometimes gets attached," she said. She noted that couples who have different work shifts, such as one works days and one nights, don't sleep together much and no one thinks twice about it.

"We found that those who weren't sleeping well were more likely to exhibit specific relational behaviors, including the display of hostility."

In reaching out on social media for sources for this story, I received dozens of replies from people who sleep apart, but several who didn't want to go on record about it, showing anecdotally that the stigma is alive and well.

What Happens When We Don't Get Enough Sleep

"Lack of sleep is linked to relational effects," Troxel said. "We know that sleep-deprived conditions cause profound disruptions to our mood, irritability levels go up, we're more likely to develop depression, anxiety, substance abuse disorder, and communication skills suffer. We also become less empathic, all of which can be toxic for a relationship."

Studies conducted in a sleep lab showed Troxel just how bad things could be when partners engaged in a common conflict. "We found that those who weren't sleeping well were more likely to exhibit specific relational behaviors, including the display of hostility. That's where the goal of communication is really to hurt the other person," she said. "When you're sleep-deprived, you're more likely to lean towards those toxic behaviors, which then have an impact on the partner who may or may not be sleepdeprived."

How to Approach the Topic of Sleeping Apart

"Have a constructive conversation about why you're doing this," said Bearce. "Some people think it's forever, and they shut down. So make the change in shorter bits: 'Hey, let's try this for a week.'"

Troxel also points to the need for conversation and intentionality, noting that that openness may lead to a result that works, whether it's sleeping apart together with different arrangements. "Don't have the conversation when you're both sleep-deprived and angry," she said.

But do have the conversation: She's seen couples who evolved into sleeping apart without talking and ended up with one partner mad about the snoring, while the snorer felt rejected and hurt. Getting it out in the open and determining the best way for both sides to get enough sleep is key. If there are kids still at home, be sure to let them know what's going on, or they may worry that their parents are divorcing.

Henley has found separate bedrooms improved her relationship. "Sleeping in different rooms won't make you grow apart, it will just make it easier to get a restful night's sleep," she said. "I would say we get along more and fight less because we both sleep better. Have an honest conversation with your partner and give it a trial run."

Amy C. Rea is a writer from St. Anthony, Minnesota, whose work has been published in Heavy Table, Growler Magazine, and Midwesterner, among others.

Source: www.nextavenue.org

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Smart Health - Nature's Way - Tracy Bhalla To Scrub or Not to Scrub…

Scrub, exfoliate, polish… We’re not talking about cleaning pots and pans, or scrubbing the floor, we’re talking about removing a layer of dead skin cells from your epidermis (your skin). Your skin is creating new cells and shedding old cells every day; we actually lose a shocking 200,000,000 (yes, you read that right!) EVERY HOUR! Some of these do actually fall off, get transferred onto things we come into contact with – clothes, sheets, etc., but that still leaves a lot just lining the surface of our skin.

When your skin feels a little “rough” to the touch, as opposed to “smooth as a baby’s bottom”, that’s when you know you need to exfoliate and get rid of a layer of those dead cells. Your skin can also develop a dullness in appearance and fine lines will become evident over time. This layer of cells can also create the production of whiteheads and blackheads as hair follicles become blocked and/or sebum trapped. All signs that you need to pay your skin some attention. The good news is that many of these signs can and will be reversed by the simple act of exfoliation.

Both body and face can benefit from a regular exfoliation routine, but do not use the same products on both! Your face has skin that is much more sensitive and needs to be treated differently to your body, especially hands and feet.

Basically there are three levels of exfoliation – the roughest, for your hands and feet can consist of coarse sea salt, pumice stones, ground walnut shells, even sand; the middle level, for your body, could consist of ground apricot kernels, oatmeal, fine sea salt, sugar, etc.; the finest level is for your face and is often referred to as a polish rather than a scrub, this could be fine sugar, ground oatmeal, powdered herbs and even fruit enzymes.

The very simplest rough exfoliator, to be used on hands and feet, would consist of something like: a cup of coarse sea salt mixed with a tablespoon of olive oil and a few drops of your favorite essential oil (if desired). Mix well, then apply to damp skin, rub in well for a few minutes then rinse with warm water. Pat skin dry. Of course, you can use any of the rough level exfoliants – ground pumice, ground walnut shells, etc.

For the rest of the body a similar recipe is used but with a finer exfoliant. You can mix one or more together if you like, fine sea salt with oatmeal for example. Again, add a tablespoon of olive (or any other carrier oil – avocado, grape seed, wheat germ, vitamin E….) and again, your choice of adding essential oils or not, but only a few drops.

The face is a little trickier; you must avoid the eye area and never use salt of any kind – if you get it in your eyes, it can be terrible. Use the finest ground polishing agents, like ground oatmeal, finely ground coffee grounds, extra fine sugar. Some people cannot even use these on their face, the skin is just too sensitive OR – like myself – their skin has just got thinner as it gets older (happens to us all, I’m afraid) and you find you can no longer scrub your face like you used to. In this case, enzymes are the way to go rather than abrasive granules. Enzymes help to break down the keratin in the skin's upper layers, which helps it lift off anything dead and it does this in a funky way. The enzymes literally digest the dead skin on your face. Sounds weird but it works!

You can try this recipe: 1 cup fresh pineapple, cubed ½ cup fresh papaya, cubed 1 Tbsp honey

Blend together and apply a thin layer to the face, avoiding eye area. You may feel a tingling sensation; if it gets too uncomfortable, remove it immediately, otherwise leave for 5-10 minutes then remove with warm water. Pat skin dry.

Other things you can try are puréed pumpkin (very in season!!) strawberries, kiwi. Any can be mixed with yoghurt and or honey. I promise you; your skin will thank you for the attention, and you will feel so much better in your own skin. One last word do not over exfoliate, you should not need to do this more than twice a week and if your skin is sensitive, only once.

Let me know how your experience goes. I’d love to hear about it.

email: nyrbhalla@gmail.com I web: us.nyrorganic.com/shop/tracybhalla I www. LogHouseAromatics.com

Tracy Bhalla, independent consultant with NYR Organics and founder of LogHouseAromatics.com; after 25 years of using homeopathic remedies, it was time to take charge and complete my Aromatherapy Certification, which I achieved April 2020 and since founded LogHouseAromatics.com as a source for useful essential oil and general natural health information and a place to purchase certain products. email: nyrbhalla@gmail.com I am here to answer any questions you may have. 66 BOOM! October 2022

By Michele C. Hollow How Music Taps Into the Emotions of People with Alzheimer's

Favorite songs, humor and storytelling help meaningful connections form.

Vaudeville Visits’ Dikki Ellis as Dapper Dan and Ilene Weiss as Beatrice, star of stage and screen, work together entertaining older adults with dementia and Alzheimer’s at several hospitals | Credit: © Photographer Florence-Montmare

On a recent book tour visit at an assisted living home, Elaine Durbach, of Maplewood, New Jersey, addressed a roomful of older adults in wheelchairs. They sat motionless with their eyes open. No one appeared interested until she asked, "How many of you remember your first love?"

"That's when the wicked grins and broad smiles formed," Durbach says. "Some sat up and raised their hands, offering to share their stories." They listened when she read from her novel, Roundabout, which is about a long-ago first love.

"She tapped into an important memory," says Sam Fazio, senior director of Quality Care and Psychosocial Research at the Alzheimer's Association. "It's a memory most of us can recall quite well. It also opens up our emotions when we connect to something important to us or something we care about."

I noticed this when I brought my young child to visit a friend's mom living in a nursing home for people with Alzheimer's disease. My friend's mom and the others in the unit slumped in their chairs and showed no emotions.

We could see them through a glass partition. They sat like statues. When I opened the door, and people saw my two-year-old, almost everyone became animated. They wanted to hold my child and talk to him.

"The child sparked an emotion in some people," Fazio says. "Not everyone responded. Perhaps a dog would get a response from others in the room. To get a response, you must make the right connection with the individual. It's like listening to music. What we like is personal."

According to Fazio, several studies prove music benefits those with Alzheimer's. Scientists have observed significant improvements in memory, orientation, depression, and anxiety in people with mild and moderate Alzheimer's who listened to music.

"Getting a reaction comes down to your musical preferences," Fazio says. "If you love classical music, you'll respond. If you don't, you won't respond."

Old-Time Tunes and Laughter

Deborah Kaufmann, the co-founder of Healthy Humor, an arts organization that brings music, laughter, and joy to older adults and children in several U.S. hospitals and senior residential care facilities, remembers one patient lying in bed staring at the ceiling.

"He was unresponsive for a while," she says. "I took his hand in mine, talked to him, and suddenly he started singing 'I Can't Give You Anything But Love Baby.'"

Kaufmann and another performer of Healthy Humor's Vaudeville Visits, a program specifically designed for older adults, sang it a second time. "This time, I stopped after "I can't give you anything but," and he filled in the blank," she says.

Vaudeville Visits' performers create easily recognizable iconic characters from the stage, screen, and culture. These include a Hollywood song and dance team, a chef, a bride, a used car salesman, and others.

In addition, the performers use music, juggling, puppetry, storytelling, and improvisation to entertain and engage. "When Vaudeville Visits' performers entertain, we don't rush," Kaufmann says. "It may take a bit of time to connect with someone."

Penny Cook, president and CEO of Pioneer Network, a nonprofit organization working to transform the institutional culture of nursing homes to person-centered care, agrees, "we need to take the time to connect. Our primary goal is to move eldercare to a place where all care and support are person-directed; it's taking time to know the person and engaging with them."

Person-Centered Care

"Person-centered care means listening to our patients and focusing on their needs," Cook explains. "It's about setting up the day to make it enjoyable. For instance, most of us enjoy that first cup of hot coffee in the morning. It's a simple pleasure we miss when we don't have it. But missing it can change the trajectory of the day."

"That cup of coffee is a simple pleasure that makes such a big difference. It's important to provide that to people as they get older," she says, adding they know this small gesture of personcentered care benefits the patients.

At age 93, Cook's stepfather moved into a nursing home. He had dementia and mobility issues. At the assessment, the nursing home staff asked personal questions and found out he loved listening to classical music; they placed a CD player by his bed.

"He had no idea how to use the CD player," Cook says. "And it was placed in a hard-to-get spot that my mom couldn't reach when she visited. It would be so easy having a staff member press 'play.'"

A Collaborative Approach

Patients, especially those in long-term care, want their doctors to know their likes, dislikes, and needs. In addition, studies have shown that collaborative care can improve physical and psychological health and strengthen a patient's confidence. "The staff also benefits," Fazio says. "They interact more with their patients, and there's less turnover."

Dikki Ellis, who has performed with Vaudeville Visits, often hears praise and thanks from overworked medical personnel. When visiting patients, the mood on the floor is light and joyful. "Laughter makes people more accommodating," Ellis says.

"Someone who may not be cooperative or in a bad mood is easier to work with because of the humor from these Often the mood is joyful. Sometimes sorrow appears. "Either way, we have to be there for the patients," Ellis says. "Using humor, song or dance creates pathways to their memories. We enter the patient's room and look around for clues. There might be a photograph we can discuss. It might be a song or a joke."

One woman started weeping when they played a song that reminded her of her husband. "All of a sudden, she wanted to talk about him," Ellis says. "She missed him, and despite the tears, we didn't back away. We listened. It was an honor to be there."

Finding Clues to Memories

The nurses' station is one of the first stops in a hospital or elder care facility. Ellis and the other Vaudeville Visits performers inquire about the patients, their likes, and their ages. "Age can tell us about the music they grew up listening to," Ellis says.

One woman, who didn't communicate, loved bubbles. "There's a child inside each one of us, and the bubbles brought the kid out in her," he says. "She watched the bubbles and smiled. She has adult memories and childhood ones. We touched on one of those memories."

Michele C. Hollow is a freelance writer, editor and ghostwriter specializing in health, climate, social justice, pets and travel. Follow her on Twitter at @ michelechollow.

Source: www.nextavenue.org

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A BOOM! FEATURE Getting To Know You Angels for the Elderly

“Home is where the is”

Not just in Hallmark movies but in real life, HOME is where the

heart is. Agree? For most of us, home is where we feel safe, loved and content. We have a favorite chair, comfy clothes and a routine that suits our personality and values. We have family and friends nearby who understand us and want the best for us. For many, HOME is definitely near the top of our blessings list.

As we enjoy this side of 50, most of us want to stay in our home, maintain our independence and thrive as best we can. What happens, though, when life throws a curve ball, and we’re faced with the unexpected and unwanted? Do you ever wonder what options are available when HOME is no longer a safe or comfortable place for you or your loved one? Maybe a fall, a stroke, an accident or even recovery from scheduled surgery leaves you uneasy about living independently in your home. Maybe you’re alone, possibly unable to drive or missing loved ones, co-workers and friends who can no longer keep in touch like they once did. Or just maybe, you’re one of a growing number who’ve noticed changes in cognitive or emotional health that make it risky for you or a loved one to live at home.

Could you use some good

news? Would you be relieved to know that you or your loved one could be safe, loved and well cared for right here in the River Region—living in a comfortable home with those facing the same challenges you experience? Tucked away in the Dalraida neighborhood, Angels for the Elderly is just such a place! With four separate ranchstyle homes, Angels has a longstanding reputation as one of the area’s premiere Specialty Care Assisted Living communities. By state regulation, residents’ level of care and medical oversight are much stronger in the specialty care setting. With only 16 private bedrooms/baths in each house, Angels’ intimate houses aren’t just “homelike.” They actually look like home, smell like home, and quickly become home to residents and their loved ones who are valued and immediately accepted as part of the Angels’ family.

We all have a past, present and future. At Angels, we focus on the person, not the diagnosis. While residents may be “different,” we never see them as “less” or “broken.” Our experience shows that residents and family members can thrive, despite challenges they face. We are family, and we lovingly support one another--day in and day out. Whether it’s chatting at the table, visiting in the hallway, rocking on the porch or engaging in daily oneon-one and group activities, we laugh, we cry, we play, we sing, we dance, we dream, we pray, we reminisce, and we encourage because we truly care about one another. Simply stated, our goal is to help residents and their families experience the joy of everyday living.

Have questions? Need more information or resources? We can help. Would you appreciate a listening ear or the benefit of our experience? We’re here for you. No obligation. No judgment. Whether you need a place to call home or you’re just gathering information for what the future may hold, we would be delighted to meet you. We’d love to answer questions and show you around our campus. We’ll even treat you to a delicious homecooked meal if you’d like to chat over lunch in our sunroom.

To schedule an appointment or learn more, contact Kim

Wilson at 334.313.6138

or kwilson@

angelsfortheelderly.

com. Please visit our Angels for the Elderly Facebook page to learn more about our activities, our campus and our incredible Angels’ family or our website,

www.angelsfortheelderly.com

"OLD" IS WHEN...Your sweetie says"Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!" "OLD" IS WHEN...Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot "OLD" IS WHEN...Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face" OLD" IS WHEN...Getting a little action means I don't need to take any fiber today

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on 106th Birthday, Says God Takes Care of Him

A great-great-grandfather, who dove into a lake unassisted to celebrate his 106th birthday, is going viral for his age-defying antics.

Franklin Estes of Williamstown, Massachusetts, has two grandchildren, five great-grandchildren, and three greatgreat-grandchildren. He currently lives with one of his grandchildren, 55-year-old Shaun Kelley, and Shaun’s wife, Nancy, in Laconia, New Hampshire.

Franklin turned 106 on July 29.

“He celebrated his birthday with us in Laconia,” Shaun told The Epoch Times. “We had a family party for him with cake, ice cream, and his favorite: Manhattans!”

On the weekend that followed, Shaun took his grandfather out on his boat, where he spent the day with a few cocktails, lounging in a tube on the water.

“[He] then decided he wanted to dive off the boat before we got back to our slip at the marina,” Shaun said. “He felt fantastic. He loves the water, and loves doing things that defy his age.”

Franklin was so adamant that he didn’t need a life jacket that Shaun had to instruct his son to take one into the water.

The daring centenarian is no stranger to thrill-seeking, and Shaun and his family have always tried to do something special for their beloved patriarch’s birthday.

Shaun said: “A few years I took him golfing, once to the TPC at Sawgrass. At 101, we took him horseback riding, and when he turned 102, that was the first time he dove off my boat.”

Shaun shared footage of Franklin’s 106th birthday dive on TikTok, where it went viral. The reactions from the public have been “overwhelming.” In another TikTok video, Shaun interviews his grandfather. Still sharp as a tack, the smiling 106-year-old says he owes his long life to good, caring parents, and “God taking care” of him.

“Between TikTok and other platforms, he’s had well over 10 million views and tens of thousands of comments,” Shaun told The Epoch Times. “He’s blown away by the positive comments and encouragement.”

Franklin has been close to Shaun since he was a child and the pair have spent weeks and weekends with each other. When Shaun left for college, Franklin would visit, even attending college parties with the young student and his roommates. Since Shaun’s been married with a family of his own, Franklin’s been joining them on vacations.

“Years ago, I made a promise to him that I would never let him go into a nursing home,” Shaun said. “Last year, it got to be too much for him living on his own. On his 105th birthday, he had a pacemaker put in, and that was when he moved in with me. He was driving up until then!” Franklin did not have an easy life to begin with. He was born prematurely in Massachusetts in July of 1916, weighing just 2 pounds, 6 ounces (1.07 kg). He overcame polio and lived his childhood through the austerity of the Great Depression and the Second World War. Despite the struggles of his early years, he went to college to study history and later married, welcoming a daughter, Barbara. He divorced his wife around 1970 but went on to meet the “love of his life,” Althea, whom he married in 1972. Sadly, she passed away from cancer in 1996.

Franklin worked as a plant manager for Gavitt Wire and Cable and retired at the age of 70.

Until he turned 100, sociable Franklin loved to play golf, swim, and exercise, and has always enjoyed making new friends, with whom he shares his stories. Today, he loves to read, nap, and watch Western movies, the news, and football on TV.

In 2020, Shaun took his grandfather to meet his favorite TV personality of all time, Tucker Carlson. Recalling the moment, Shaun said, “Tucker was extremely gracious and spent about 20 minutes talking and taking pictures with him. It was one of the highlights of his life.”

Witnessing his grandfather’s long life, Shaun said his grandfather’s secret is a healthy diet and exercise, “everything in moderation,” and faith in God.

“He’s a man of strong faith, and to this day gets on his knees to pray every night,” Shaun said. “Gramp has had a tough life … he’s a fighter, he perseveres. He’s taught me to never give up, work hard, and persevere through the hard times"times.”

Franklin, during his 106th birthday celebrations. (Courtesy of Shaun Kelley)

Share your stories with us at emg.inspired@ epochtimes.com, and continue to get your daily dose of inspiration by signing up for the Inspired newsletter at TheEpochTimes.com/newsletter

The Jay and Susie Gogue Performing Arts Center at Auburn University presents its 2022–23 Family Series beginning this October. The series, which features four family-friendly performances, will bring innovative, high-level children’s programming to the East Alabama performing arts venue throughout its current performance season. Arriving just in time for Halloween, the 2022–23 Family Series begins with the bilingual, multicultural musical “Sugar Skull: A Día de Muertos Musical Adventure” on Sunday, October 23. The new year brings a new story from the Hundred Acre Wood in Disney’s “Winnie the Pooh” on Tuesday, January 31. Two of Kwame Alexander beloved children’s books burst to life on stage as “Acoustic Rooster Barnyard Boogie: Starring Indigo Bloom” on Thursday, March 16. The series will conclude next spring as Mexican vocalist and songwriter Sonia De Los Santos joins Grammy-winning Americana folk duo the Okee Dokee Brothers for “Somos Amigos: Songs on Common Ground” on Friday, May 12. Seating for all four performances is general admission. Tickets are priced at $10 each. All performances in the series will be presented indoors at the Woltosz Theatre. Tickets for 2022–23 Family Series performances and all Gogue Center events can be purchased online at goguecentertickets.auburn.edu. For additional information, contact the Gogue Center box office at 334.844.TIXS (8497) or gpactickets@auburn.edu.

By Bertha Lazenby Knox I REMEMBER SYRUP MAKING TIME

Syrup making time is late October through November, but preparation beings in the early spring. The patch where the cane will be planted is broken up with a steel-beam plow and laid out in rows for planting. The sugar cane is uncovered where it was bedded in the fall and the fodder striped from the stalk, then the stalk is put into the row with the eyes on the stalk turned up so the shoots will have no problem coming through the soil, then it is covered with a plow.

Through the spring and early summer, it is cultivated and fertilized. After the cane is laid by for the summer the fodder is scattered in the middles where it will rot and make mulch, fertilizer and help keep the grass from growing. Wood is cut and stacked near the syrup mill to let dry for cooking the syrup. start the activities of the day. The mule was hitched to the pole that

turned the grinder to extract the juice from the cane stalk. My brothers would take turns feeding the cane into the grinder. One would have to sit where the pole would not hit them as the mule went around. After the barrel was full it flowed into the cooking pan where The aroma from the syrup cooking could be smelled a far distance. The yellow jackets swarmed around the juice barrel and often my brothers were stung my them. I was not allowed to help at the syrup mill, but as usual I was there seeing what was taking place and sometimes, I would get stung by the yellow jackets. One of the hardest jobs of syrup making was cleaning afterward. The grinder was washed and then the pipes flushed out. The cooking pan was the most difficult to clean because it was sticky from the syrup.

Early October the work begins, the cane is cut and put in piles, and then the best stalks are selected to keep for planting in the spring. When the stalks have been bedded for spring planting the remainder of the cane is striped of fodder, loaded on the wagon, and hauled to the syrup mill for making syrup.

On the morning Papa was cooking syrup he was up early to

Randy, Steven, Earl, and Mulder Knox cutting sugar cane

a fire was started and the cooking process began. The juice was cooking into syrup as it flowed from one section of the pan to another until it reached the end, there the syrup dripped into another barrel to be put into gallon cans. If you are driving north of Wallsboro on Hwy. 231 on the Saturday before Thanksgiving and you smell a pleasant aroma it will be Jimmy Stubbs cooking syrup. Stop by, drink some juice, fight off the yellow jackets and buy a gallon of sugar cane syrup. Go home and make a pan of cathead biscuits and sop syrup or bring out the old iron frying pan, put in some fresh butter, pour in the syrup, and make some pull candy. Good eating!!

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