Choosing My Boo It’s universal. If you talk to women and girls one of the things that will always come up is the subject of dating and marriage. When you’re a Christian, this topic can be even more confusing because the things that are acceptable in society today are not necessarily in line with what God intended for us as it relates to our relationships with the opposite sex. Believe it or not, the Bible does not specifically address dating. There is no guidebook, no entire section committed to laying out the do’s and don’ts of interacting with boys. I do, however, believe that the Bible addressed EVERYTHING. There is enough information about how we are supposed to behave and what we are supposed to do and not supposed to do to gain an understanding of what God intends for us. The important thing to remember is that the guidance God gives us in the Bible provides us with principles to abide by in our lives no matter what the circumstances. That being said, look at the following scriptures:
Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character. 1 Corinthians 15:33 (NIV) Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 1 Corinthians 6:14 (NLT) Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV) So what is the message here? The things we can take from these scriptures are:
1. Be careful who you date. A lot of girls think dating “bad boys” is cute but at the end of the day his ways may end up corrupting your character. It’s not much different than choosing friends. You want to make sure that you are involved with good people who contribute positive things to your life. 2. You should date fellow Christians. When you date you should be abiding by certain standards. A person who is not a Christian may not understand or respect your beliefs about what is acceptable and unacceptable in a dating relationship. You also want to be involved with someone who can help you grow in your relationship with Christ. 3. And finally – no sex before marriage. This is the big one. I have found that when most girls ask about dating, what they really want to know is “What are the rules about sex?” The Bible has lot to say about sexual immorality and about keeping marriage pure. For example, Hebrews 13:4 states:
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. God wants us to be pure in every way. Our bodies are precious and sacred. He also wants to protect us from the detrimental consequences of having premarital sex. Sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s) are common and dangerous. In addition, teenage mothers are more likely to end up being single parents and having to raise children alone.
I Want a Boyfriend Some may choose to disagree with me on this one but in my opinion, there is nothing wrong with dating. I think that the important thing is that before you start to date that you have a clear set of rules that you plan to stick to and a plan for resisting the temptation to break those rules. Look up the scriptures and read the advice below. They provide some rules that are a good start for dating Christian teens: 1. Avoid and Deal with Temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13 – Also, see the Remix)
1 Corinthians 10:13 You’re not alone. Everybody is tempted, but God wouldn’t give you temptation you couldn’t resist and when you are tempted He will give you a way out so you don’t have to give in to the pressure.
Never place yourself in a position to be completely alone with your boyfriend. This only adds to the temptation to have sex or even go too far in terms other kinds of touching. Go on double dates, spend time with friends and family, and go on dates in public places. That doesn’t mean that you can never have time together to talk and get to know one another, it just means that the place where you spend this time should be chosen carefully. Go to a public place where you can sit alone and talk or spend time at one of your houses where a parent or guardian is in a nearby room. This removes the temptation to behave inappropriately while still giving you the time to be ‘alone’. If you are tempted, remember that through prayer God can help you deal with those feelings. 2. Keep It Clean (Philippians 4:8)
You’ve probably noticed that whatever you spend the most time thinking about and focusing on are the things that you act on. You should make a conscious effort to focus on positive things. If you’re constantly thinking about sex or if you have conversations with your boyfriend about things that may be tempting, you’re increasing the likelihood that you will give in to temptation. Find other things to focus on and dealing with temptation will be much easier. 3. Guard Your Heart (Proverbs 4:23)
Avoid making ‘marriage like’ commitments to a boyfriend. I see so many teens getting into complicated relationships. This is a time in your life when you should be enjoying yourself – not entering into relationships that are almost like mini-marriages. Think about how many people you know (or maybe the person is you) who have been completely heartbroken by a boyfriend. Some have been so hurt that by the time they meet the man who will be their husband they’ll have so much baggage that it’s hard to have a healthy relationship. They won’t trust men because of the bad experiences they have had in the past. You really need to make sure that you are guarding your heart and not giving your all to someone who is not your
husband. Save the best parts of yourself for the man God has set aside for you. Remember the key word in the word boyfriend is ‘friend’. A boy you are dating is just that – a friend.
What if it’s really Love? It is quite possible that you may meet and fall in love with someone at an early age. Even if you think you’re really in love, it’s important to adhere to the dating rules until you’re married. Relationships fall apart every day. Until two people have taken vows and made a spiritual commitment before God it’s not official. Don’t fall for the “but baby I love you” or “we’re going to get married eventually anyway” speeches. If someone really loves you, they will respect your values and your wishes. It can be hard to tell when you’re really in love. The world has love confused with so many things that have nothing to do with love. The Bible goes a long way in describing what true love is. Hold your relationship up to the relationship mirror and see if it meets the biblical description of love:
Love Is… 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is ________, love is __________. It does not _______, it does not ______, it is not ______. It is not _______, it is not ____-_______, it is not easily ________, it keeps no ________ of ________. Love does not delight in ______ but rejoices with the _______. It always ________, always ______, always _______, always ________. Love never ______.
Answer Key: Patient, kind, envy, boast, proud, rude, self-seeking, angered, record, wrongs, evil, truth, protects, trust, hopes, perseveres, fails.
Word Check 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 gives a detailed description of what love is and what it is not. What do these scriptures say about the nature of love? Does reading them change the way you view true love?
Read Ephesians 5:3. Write your thoughts about what this says about our loose guidelines and behaviors concerning sexual relationships. What can you do to change your standard and live according to God’s plan?
After hearing all of the relationship guidelines and do’s and don’ts in this lesson, you might be a little worried about what to do if you’ve already had sex or otherwise “broken the rules”. Read 1 John 1:9. What does it say about God’s willingness to forgive? What must we do first in order to receive God’s forgiveness?
In the Spotlight: Jacob and Rachel When Jacob saw Rachel daughter of Laban, his mother's brother, and Laban's sheep, he went over and rolled the stone away from the mouth of the well and watered his uncle's sheep. Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud. He had told Rachel that he was a relative of her father and a son of Rebekah. So she ran and told her father… Laban said, “It's better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me.” So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her. Genesis 29: 10-12, 19-20 When he saw her at the well he knew she was the one. Jacob looked at beautiful Rachel and decided in that moment that she would be his wife, but it wasn’t going to be easy. Rachel’s father insisted that Jacob earn the right to marry his daughter. And so he did. Jacob worked for seven whole years to gain the privilege of marrying the woman he loved! This was an extraordinary testament of his devotion to Rachel. Remember, if a boy is not willing to wait for you, then he is not worth your time. Young men who want your company should understand that you are a prize that has to be earned.
Think About It 1. Have you established personal dating rules and standards? Do you have a plan to avoid and handle temptation in your relationships with boys? If not, start today by writing down your thoughts. Having a plan and being prepared will increase your chances of having good friendships that are pleasing in God’s sight. Pray about your choices and ask your parents for direction. 2. Have you ever been pressured by a boy to have sex or engage in other inappropriate behavior? How did you handle it? If things did not go so well, what will you do in the future so that the outcome will be different next time? 3. Do you find yourself getting involved in intense relationships with boys? What can you do differently so that you can have healthy friendships that are stress and drama free? 4. Have you ever been in love with someone? How did it make you feel? What did you learn about yourself and your expectations for your relationships in the future? 5. Have you already been sexually active? Did you know that it is never too late to change that? You can decide today that you will stop having sex and save yourself for marriage. Here is a short, simple prayer of forgiveness to help you start your journey: Dear God, I know that I have not done the right thing when it comes to your will for how I treat my body and saving myself for the man who will be my husband. Please forgive me today and help me to start fresh tight now. Help me resist temptation and heal any wounds that may have caused me to make the choice not to save myself for marriage. Fill any empty places that are searching for love with your perfect and unconditional love. Make me brand new, innocent, and pure in your sight. Thank you for your love and your forgiveness. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
The teenage years can be a great time. You’re getting to know yourself now more than ever. Chances are you’ll probably have one or more friendships with boys during this time as well. You may even start to feel that you are “in love” at some point. Answer the following questions to see if what you have is really love. If your answers don’t reflect what the Bible describes as true love have a conversation with your boyfriend and pray to God to make sure it’s really love. 1. Are you patient with one another? YES
NO
2. Are you kind to each other? YES
NO
3. Are you ever jealous or envious of one another? YES
NO
4. Do you or your boyfriend ever brag or boast to make the other feel bad? YES
NO
5. Do you or your boyfriend ‘have the big head’? YES
NO
6. Are you ever rude or inconsiderate to one another? YES
NO
7. Are you or your boyfriend selfish or tend to think ‘it’s all about you’? YES
NO
8. Do you get angry with each other at the drop of a hat?
YES
NO
9. When one of you makes a mistake, do you throw it up in each other’s face every chance you get? YES
NO
10. Do you get happiness from doing the right things? YES
NO
11. Are you honest with one another? YES
NO
12. Do you protect each other? YES
NO
13. Do you trust each other? YES
NO
14. Do you always try to see the best in one another? YES
NO
15. Do you stick with one another even when it’s hard? YES
NO
16. Does your love fade or die as time passes or depending on the circumstances? YES
NO
Personal Reflections Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a Favorite Verse(s) From Today’s Lesson:
My Thoughts
Verses from the Lesson ♥ Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character. 1 Corinthians 15:33
(NIV). ♥ Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be
partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? 1 Corinthians 6:14 (NLT). ♥ Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his
body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV). ♥ No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is
faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV). ♥ Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8 (NIV). ♥ Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23
(NIV). ♥ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV). ♥ But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any
kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Ephesians 5:3 (NIV). ♥ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and
purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 (NIV).