Thursday, December 9, 2021 Vol. 131, No. 16 by The Rocky Mountain Collegian

COLLEGIAN.COM

CSU’S BASKETBALL BY TAYLOR PAUMEN AND KARSYN LANE

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Thursday, December 9, 2021

Vol. 131, No. 16

TAKEOVER

PHOTOS BY LUCY MORANTZ AND MICHAEL GILES THE COLLEGIAN

COVER ILLUSTRATION BY FALYN SEBASTIAN THE COLLEGIAN

Thursday, December 9, 2021

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Jay Norvell speaks to the audience during his welcome press conference at the Iris and Michael Smith Alumni Center, Dec. 7. Norvell is the first Black head coach in Colorado State University history and said he plans to bring an air raid offense and tough defense. PHOTO BY DEVIN CORNELIUS THE COLLEGIAN

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This publication is not an official publication of Colorado State University, but is published by an independent corporation using the name ‘The Rocky Mountain Collegian’ pursuant to a license granted by CSU. The Rocky Mountain Collegian is a 5,000-circulation student-run newspaper intended as a public forum and is printed on paper made of thirty percent post-consumer waste. It publishes every Thursday during the regular fall and spring semesters. The Collegian publishes online Monday through Thursday. Corrections may be submitted to the editor in chief and will be printed as necessary on page two. The Collegian is a complimentary publication for the Fort Collins community. The first copy is free. Additional copies are 25 cents each. Letters to the editor should be sent to letters@ collegian.com.

Katrina Leibee | Editor-in-Chief editor@collegian.com Serena Bettis | Content Managing Editor managingeditor@collegian.com Devin Cornelius | Digital Managing Editor managingeditor@collegian.com Renee Ziel | Night Editor copy@collegian.com Rachel Baschnagel | Copy Chief copy@collegian.com CORRECTIONS Katrina Clasen | Design Director Everybody makes mistakes, including us. If design@collegian.com you encounter something in the paper you believe to be an error, please contact us at: Falyn Sebastian | Print Editor copy@collegian.com. design@collegian.com

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FEATURE

CSU’s Marcela Velasco sheds a light on struggles in Colombia By Austria Cohn @austriacohn Marcela Velasco, an associate professor of political science at Colorado State University, shares the environmental and socioeconomic hardships that people in Colombia face. Colombia, an ecologically diverse developing country, has faced many environmental problems, some related to the wealth gap. “The natural environment has always been not just diverse but beautiful,” Velasco said. “It was always a beautiful country.” Landslides and floods occur often in Colombia because it rains a lot, Velasco said. If someone builds a house near a river, it’s common for the river to fill and their house to be destroyed. “That’s sort of the situation across many developing countries,” Velasco said. “Coastal areas are probably going to get flooded, and the cities are going to have fewer resources to plan ahead for that.” “A lot of those natural areas are being destroyed for a number of reasons,” Velasco said. “Mostly driven

by economic greed and globalization and increasing demand for a lot of the products Colombia has.” Environmental activists are trying to bring more attention to the problem, but they put their lives at risk for speaking out, according to Velasco.

“(It’s a) very unequal country; like most Latin American countries, there’s a huge wealth concentration.” MARCELA VELASCO ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR OF POLITICAL SCIENCE AT COLORADO STATE UNIVERSITY

“The thing that sticks out the most to me has been the level of violence that environmental rights defenders are faced with,” Velasco said.

Sixty-five land and environmental defenders were murdered in Colombia in 2020, which is the highest number of killings for the second year in a row, according to Global Witness. “So people who have organized their communities, organized action to defend a river or defend a forest … have faced a lot of violence,” Velasco said. “They stand in the way of people who are looking for economic benefit, so that has been a growing problem.” The people seeking economic benefit from environmental destruction have significant control over the country due to the wealth disparity. “(In) Colombia, like many developing countries, poor people have always been very vulnerable,” Velasco said. “(It’s a) very unequal country; like most Latin American countries, there’s a huge wealth concentration.” This large wealth disparity also impacts the education system. Velasco went to a private school. Her first language was Spanish, but she attended a French school, where most of her classes were taught in French. She moved to the U.S. when she was 12 years old.

“(In Colombia), there’s a lot of private schools if you can afford it,” Velasco said. “The public schools aren’t as good.” According to the World Education News & Reviews, data from 2018 shows most schools in Colombia are public, with only 20% of elementary school students enrolled in private schools. “Private institutions are almost exclusively located in the cities and tend to cater to wealthier households,” according to the WENR article. “Generally, private schools are better equipped and staffed and lead to better learning outcomes than the often poorly funded public schools.” Velasco knows a lot about the environmental and socioeconomic problems occurring in Colombia because she visits the country and researches political science in Colorado. “My research interests include ethnic politics … environmental justice and institutional change in Latin America in general and Colombia in particular,” according to Velasco’s CSU webpage. Recently, Velasco has hosted a seminar called “Socio-Environmental

Marcela Velasco poses for a portrait. PHOTO COURTESY BY SARA JIMENEZ VELASCO

Rights in Colombia: Insights from Black and Indigenous Leaders.” This seminar brought in leaders from Colombia’s Pacific coast to discuss the impacts of climate change and the human rights violations people experience. Reach Austria Cohn at news @collegian.com.

Thursday, December 9, 2021

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ESPAÑOL

Historia de los pueblos indígenas en el norte de Colorado

Gigi Green y Haley Drewett dando un paseo por el Área Natural de Fort Collins Red Fox Meadow, el 24 de octubre. Acompañándolas en su paseo está Penny, un dulce Doberman Pinscher. FOTO POR MICHAEL GILES THE COLLEGIAN

Por Austria Cohn @austriacohn Traducción de Sarahy Quintana Fort Collins y el norte de Colorado pertenecían originalmente a los pueblos indígenas antes de la llegada de los colonos europeos, que llegaron y robaron la tierra. David Atekpatzin Young, un miembro de la tribu Apache, compartió con The Collegian sus conocimientos sobre la historia indígena en Colorado. “A veces la gente piensa: ‘Oh, bueno, ese es un sitio sagrado allí, y por lo tanto tenemos que mantenerlo sagrado’”, dijo Young. “En realidad, todo esto es un sitio sagrado para nosotros”. Cuando los angloparlantes llegaron del este, hicieron suposiciones basadas en lo que vieron, pero eso no incorporó a todos los que eran de esta zona, dijo Young. “Ha habido un movimiento de comunidades indígenas por todas las montañas y por todas las llanuras de aquí durante miles y miles de años”, dijo Young. Existe el malentendido común de que los nativos llegaron aquí después de la edad de hielo, pero

poco a poco estas creencias se están erosionando, dijo David Bartecchi, director ejecutivo de Village Earth, que ha pasado más de 20 años trabajando con los pueblos indígenas en América del Norte y del Sur. “Nos estamos dando cuenta de que los nativos llevan aquí mucho más tiempo”, dijo Bartecchi. “Entonces, ¿quién estaba en Fort Collins?” dijo Young. “Bueno, el pueblo apache durante mucho tiempo, el pueblo ute, los hablantes de náhuatl — hubo otros que pasaron, pero los comanches llegaron una vez que los colonizadores entraron”.

tareas domésticas; querían hombres jóvenes para trabajar en las minas; y no necesitaban hombres mayores, así que los mataban, dijo Young. “El comercio de esclavos duró durante mucho tiempo a lo largo de toda el Front Range”, dijo Young. “Desde Wyoming hasta Nuevo México había pueblos apaches, y llevaban aquí miles de años”. “La gente cree que estos eran campamentos (apaches) y que la gente acampaba a lo largo de esta zona, pero eso no es cierto”, dijo Young. “No acampábamos. Vivíamos aquí”.

La fiebre del oro

Historia de las concesiones de tierras

Algunas partes de Colorado fueron colonizadas por colonos europeos en 1598, y trajeron con ellos armas, caballos y enfermedades e introdujeron el comercio de esclavos a los nativos de la tierra, dijo Young. “Introdujeron el comercio de esclavos; lo hicieron porque aquí no encontraron nada más que tuviera valor”, dijo Young. Querían mujeres jóvenes — apenas llegadas a la pubertad — como esposas para hacer las

El Tratado de Fort Laramie de 1851 abarcaba una amplia zona en muchos estados, que incluía las tierras de los cheyennes y los arapahos, a cambio de permitir a los ciudadanos estadounidenses viajar por las tierras indígenas. “Dijimos que podían pasar (por la tierra): no les molestaremos, pero no pueden quedarse”, dijo Young. “Pero entonces se encontró oro aquí”. Una vez encontrado el oro, los mineros inundaron la zona, y el tratado quedó “obsoleto”, ya que

La Universidad Estatal de Colorado es una institución de concesión de tierras, lo que significa que la tierra fue cedida por el gobierno y dedicada a ser una escuela. Esto fue posible gracias a los beneficios de la Ley Morrill de 1862, pero la tierra fue robada de los nativos. Poco después de la masacre de Sand Creek en 1864, el gobierno de los Estados Unidos vendió tierras del sureste de Colorado, lo que ayudó a establecer varias escuelas, incluyendo la CSU, según un artículo de High Country News.

Comercio de esclavos

los colonos blancos ignoraron el estatus de protección de la tierra, según la Enciclopedia de Colorado. El tratado no concedía a los viajeros autoridad para extraer oro en las tierras de los nativos americanos, pero con la afluencia de mineros y el aumento de los conflictos, los administradores territoriales presionaron al gobierno para que negociara el tratado redefiniendo las tierras de los cheyennes y arapahos con el Tratado de Fort Wise, afirma un artículo de la Enciclopedia de Colorado.

Una reciente concesión de tierras de CSU fue para el Estadio Hughes, que fue dado a la Universidad en 1957 y fue demolido en 2018. “En lugar de devolver la tierra a la comunidad nativa, que es lo correcto, la Junta de Gobernadores prefirió vender la tierra por 12,5 millones de dólares”, dijo Young. El movimiento Land Back es un movimiento nacional que también está presente en Fort Collins, a través del cual la comunidad indígena lucha por las tierras de Hughes. “(El movimiento Land Back es) la idea de que vas a hacer todo lo que puedas con los municipios y con los condados, ... los estados y luego con el gobierno federal para intentar recuperar la tierra, una tierra que ahora no se utiliza para nada más”, dijo Young. “Miras este paisaje... todas las historias de los nativos, todas las experiencias, las batallas, incluso la gran civilización han sido borradas de la historia”, dijo Bartecchi. “Es como si hubiéramos llegado aquí y hubiera una pizarra en blanco: así es como los colonos justifican la violencia de su asentamiento”. Puedes contactar con Austria Cohn en news@collegian.com.

Thursday, December 9, 2021

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Founder of the Queer Memory Project Tom Dunn sits in the Lory Student Center. Dunn has been researching the LGBTQ+ community since 2005. PHOTO BY AVERY COATES THE COLLEGIAN

OFF-CAMPUS LIFE

LGBTQ+ pasts have been seen as so deeply dangerous by heterosexual society and the costs to our community and others when those pasts are erased,” Dunn said. In addition to reading about history, the course will also include guest speakers as well as students going out and engaging with the NoCo community. Members of the NoCo community can do their part to contribute to the QMP: “We’ll be looking for people both to share their own stories with us or to help collect these community stories,” Dunn said. “You might show us some forgotten files or documents, share old photographs or participate in an oral history interview with our trained researchers,” said Shelby Crow, a Ph.D. student who will be assistant teaching Dunn’s queer memory course. “Ultimately, your contributions may help shape the stories we tell future generations about the history of Northern Colorado.” According to Crow, NoCo residents can also get more involved in the QMP by taking educational classes, volunteering and attending events. The QMP hosts events about the region’s LGBTQ+ past throughout the year but especially during Pride Month in June and LGBTQ+ History Month in October, Crow said. According to the QMP website, groups and communities in the NoCo region may also request the QMP to hold events such as talks and presentations about the LGBTQ+ past. “This past is rich and complex and moving and dynamic, and every day, we lose more and more of it,” Dunn said. “So honoring and respecting that past by preserving and sharing it feels like vital work every day.” Reach Samy Gentle at news @collegian.com.

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Members of the Fort Collins community are working together to uncover and preserve local LGBTQ+ histories through the Queer Memory Project of Northern Colorado. The Queer Memory Project of Northern Colorado is an “educational and community-based project to discover, preserve and communicate the LGBTQ+ past of Northern Colorado to contemporary audiences in meaningful ways,” said Tom Dunn, director of the project. Dunn is also an associate professor of communication studies at Colorado State University. The QMP was publicly launched in November 2021 to align with LGBTQ+ History Month, Dunn said. However, phase one of the project, which included building the QMP online archive and website as well as networking in the NoCo community, began in 2020. Phase two of the project is slated to begin in 2022 and will focus on community engagement and student participation. The QMP is actively looking to create an advisory board of members from all over NoCo with a multitude of LGBTQ+ identities to direct the project as it enters phase two, Dunn said. The board will include members with a CSU connection and without. The QMP receives its funding from the CSU Monfort Excellence Fund and will continue to be supported through 2023, Dunn said. The mission of the QMP is to “uncover the region’s queer past and to help make our communities more safe, more welcoming and more just,” according to their website. “Very few people learn about LGBTQ+ history in school or even college, and so people think it doesn’t exist, and LGBTQ+ people don’t see themselves represented there, but it does exist, and it is important,” Dunn said. The QMP aims to preserve Northern Colorado’s LGBTQ+ history through its online archive and other archives of NoCo organizations using methods such as “training students and volunteers to collect oral histories from community members about their own life experiences,” Dunn said. CSU students wishing to become more knowledgeable about LGBTQ+ history will have the opportunity to enroll in SPCM 380A5: communicating the queer past, offered in the spring of 2022 and taught by Dunn. The course is directly connected to the work of QMP, Dunn said. “The class will spend significant time learning about how and why

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PRODUCTS

A holiday gift guide for your stoner friends By Lindsay Barker @lindsaybarkerj Don’t know what to get your weed-loving pal for the holidays? This gift guide has some fun suggestions for the stoner in your life.

Selfies pre-rolls

Whether for a seasoned stoner or a casual smoker, this fivepack of quarter gram joints from Organic Alternatives is a great gift. They’re pre-rolled and come in a cute little container for easy consumption at only $16.

Cute joint container

Although the Selfies come pre-rolled in their own container, some people enjoy rolling their own joints. If you’re shopping for one of these people, get them a cute container to hold their joints. I was gifted a tin from Curiosities in Old Town, but if you prefer online shopping, Etsy has plenty of options, and you can even customize a few of them. DoobiedudeUSA creates personalized tins that come in a variety of colors and even include rolling papers and tips, a perfect gift for a joint-rolling friend. These containers usually range in price from $10 to $25.

Toker Poker

Toker Pokers are great multitools used for packing bowls and cashing them after smoking. The Toker Poker is a lighter case with a thin metal poker and flat circular end with room to wrap a lighter charm or HempWick around. Toker Pokers are made for BIC lighters or Clipper lighters and come in a large variety of colors and patterns. These multi-tool lighter cases range in price from $9.95 to $14.95, depending on the case. Some even include a bottle opener. Toker Pokers can be found in most smoke shops around town and are also available on the company’s website.

Weed-themed games

Weed-themed games are a great holiday gift that can turn into an entertaining stoned activity. Smoke a

GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION BY TRIN BONNER THE COLLEGIAN

joint with your friends before playing and see what happens. Curiosities sells a few different options, including the board games Ganjaland and Weed-Opoly, as well Toker Dice and card game Stoner Safari. Different weed-themed games can also be purchased online and range in price from $10 to $40.

Moose Labs MouthPeace filter

If your stoner friend coughs like a maniac after every rip, this silicone mouthpiece is a great gift for them. Moose Labs makes two different sizes of their MouthPeace, both of which are quite giftable. The original MouthPeace is for filtering smoke out of larger glass pieces while the MouthPeace mini is for smoking joints and blunts. This product gets rid of tar and resin with a triple-layer carbon filter and makes it so much easier to smoke. I wrote about Moose

Labs in my favorite accessories article and definitely couldn’t leave it off this list. The original MouthPeace and the mini both cost $9.99 and can be found at Up’n Smoke, Wild Side or online.

Smell-proof bag or container

If your friend is traveling home for the holidays and needs a smell-proof container to divert suspicion from prying family members, this is the gift for them. Smokey Monkey carries Dime Bags, which come in a variety of sizes and colors depending on your preferences. Herb.co also created a comprehensive list of high-quality smell proof containers. You can even order them on Amazon.com starting at $15.

Poke A Bowl or Debowler

These ashtrays are great for cashing

bowls and eliminate the need for a tool to do so. Debowlers are available at smoke shops in town or online, and Poke A Bowls can be ordered online. These types of ashtrays are a convenient way to clean out a bowl after it’s smoked and come in a variety of colors. Debowlers cost $6.99 and up, and Poke A Bowls sell for around $16.75.

Moodmat

These upcycled rubber mats are a cute and fun way to keep glass pieces safe from the surfaces they’re set on. This gift is geared more toward someone who already owns some nice glass pieces and needs a protective surface to prevent the piece from being scratched or chipped. There are a ton of options on the Moodmats website, and they can also be found at Up’n Smoke in town. The average price is around $25, but Moodmats can range from $12 to $50, depending on size and design.

Weed socks

Does your weed-loving friend also love socks? Great. Get them weed socks. These stoner socks can be found at local trinket stores like Curiosities or ordered online. Socks are always an easy cozy gift for the holidays and cost around $13.

Wake and bake mug

This wake and bake novelty mug includes a built-in pipe. Your friend can enjoy a nice cup of coffee or tea while simultaneously enjoying a bowl of weed. Etsy has many different versions of this mug, including a sleek ceramic one from OddNot shop. If you’re shopping in town, you can find a selection of these mugs at Up’n Smoke. Depending on how the mug was made, they range in price but start around $25. Reach Lindsay Barker at cannabis @collegian.com.

Thursday, December 9, 2021

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COLLEGIAN COLUMNISTS

Dropping out sounds nice, but persevering is better

GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION BY FALYN SEBASTIAN THE COLLEGIAN

By Dominique Lopez @caffeinateddee6 Editor’s Note: All opinion section content reflects the views of the individual author only and does not represent a stance taken by The Collegian or its editorial board. The semester’s end is finally within reach, and with that comes the stress of finals and the beginning of deterioration. After coming back from fall break and walking to and from classes again, you might hear people talk about their desire to drop out, as if to jokingly find the comedic relief they need to make it to the end. But how many of these statements are actually jokes? How many of these students are really feeling like it is time to give up? Students are beginning to feel the stress of finals dangling over their heads and feel the weight of it all falling down at once. They are stressed out about all the work they have to complete for their finals and getting their grades up, and many are still facing the struggles of adapting to college life amid a pandemic. Jazmin Arias, a first-year student at Colorado State University, is one of the many students who have felt this stress. “This semester has flown by really fast, and I didn’t really get to live in the moment,” Arias said. Every student here at CSU, especially first- and second-years, had gotten so used to virtual schooling that we thought we would never be able to come back, which made the opportunity to come to campus this year so special. Now, we have realized

the fall 2021 semester has quickly slipped out of our fingers, as it is now time to face the impending doom of college finals. Arias said many of us “got used to being online and not doing group projects or presentations,” so much so that being in in-person classes this semester made it hard for us to adapt once again, especially when it came to the broad adjustment in workload levels. Fall break gave us that sense of relief we needed, especially after making this adjustment. This not only made the idea of coming back for just a couple more weeks seem impossible but also challenged students to reassess their wants. We were challenged with being able to better assess ourselves and figure out what would be best for us to finish out the semester strong. For some of us, that meant putting our heads down and getting through the final few weeks, and for others, it was a moment to hit a wall and realize that we may not actually be able to get through it with our desired outcome. For those of us who chose to reassess our wants, we first had to consider what we would learn from giving up, what image that would present for ourselves and, more importantly, whether this was the right move to make for our mental health. Every step we took in deciding what was best for us at the moment was a decision we were meant to make. In Arias’ case, making that choice to come back as a student and work through it allows her to “push through finals week so (she) can have a break and try to find (her own) motivation again.”

Despite being at the point of giving up and feeling like you can’t do it anymore, the resilience that it takes to move forward and choose to continue is one that is not only commendable but proves how we are a part of the many who choose not to give up when the going gets tough. As students, we came to CSU to be challenged by what we learn so we can eventually succeed and do what we have always wanted to do. The moment we felt a glimpse of relief and realized we can finally see the end of the semester, we began to cave and even question the choices we’ve made thus far. I truly believe there is a way to come back from this — a way to realize that the choices we have made are for the greater good as well as our own success. It just takes a bit of perseverance to find the way out and maybe even a bit more work. Despite it all, the end goal and the choices we make will ideally all be worth it because we will now get to rejoice for a month of moderate freedom. This means we can push forward and find the motivation we never knew we needed. We can take the time to reassess if in the end it really was all worth it. We are able to, once again, support our own mental health by rewarding ourselves with a break that we all definitely need and deserve. This journey may be one that is scary and has a few bumps in the road, but the reality is that in the end, the reward should be worth it, no matter how scary we thought it would be. Reach Dominique Lopez at letters @collegian.com.

Thursday, December 9, 2021

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COLLEGIAN COLUMNISTS

We need to change the final grading structure By JD Meltzner @jd_meltzner Editor’s Note: All opinion section content reflects the views of the individual author only and does not represent a stance taken by The Collegian or its editorial board. December on Colorado State University’s campus is marked by the looming threat of finals week. The Morgan Library is filled to the brim well past midnight each night, and a general air of panic fills the campus. It’s also marked by a dreaded biannual tradition that many students participate in, including myself — the obsessive calculating of possible final grades.

“When several weeks’ worth of homework assignments amount to only 15% in a grade book, it’s easy to see how a single test worth 25% or higher can outweigh a handful of missing homework assignments from having any impact on a final grade.”

This tradition highlights the true absurdity of finals week. It’s absurd that one’s grade weight can be twisted to their advantage with careful calculation and that each final for each class has the power to ruin or rescue grades in one fell swoop. It is a system built to facilitate the failure of students, and it is something that must be addressed as college degrees become more competitive. Some arguments focus on removing the cumulative final, but this is not enough to change the culture of physically damaging levels of stress, useless bouts of cramming and extreme emotional exhaustion that is linked to finals week. During the pandemic, some teachers tried replacing traditional exams with different, more engaging and less strenuous options that similarly tested their course knowledge. Unfortunately, at least at the collegiate level, this seems like a flash in the pan sparked by the overwhelming conditions of the pandemic rather than a real push to change the culture surrounding finals week. At the high school level, however, school districts across the nation have either eliminated finals altogether or moved to a model that spreads assessments out over a series of intervals. This does not address the issue with finals at the collegiate level, which is twofold. One problem is the amount of tests, essays and projects due in such an extremely short period of time, and the other is the insane amount of power that finals wield over the grade book.

“The way finals is set up just makes it almost impossible to give every class the time needed,” said August Bernsten, a senior finance major at CSU.

“Our academic futures should not be decided by the results of a few weeks of schoolwork, and we should not be forced to forfeit grades in some areas for better grades in others.” Bernsten said he wished “there was a way that we could set up finals based on each student’s schedules; maybe that way there wouldn’t be such an overlap in tests and projects.” Bernsten believes this sentiment is shared among his peers. “I know that a lot of my friends are dealing with the same kind of issues, and I know that some of (them) are trying to pull perfect scores just because they’ve been banking on the final to pull their grade up,” Bernsten said. This testifies to the struggle so many students have in prioritizing assignments and allotting their precious time during finals week. It also speaks to the power finals are

GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION BY FALYN SEBASTIAN THE COLLEGIAN

given, which is evident of a larger toxic situation prevalent on campuses across America. Finals week can act as a sort of clean slate since it can seemingly erase poor grades and other blights in the grade book from early-semester mistakes. When several weeks’ worth of homework assignments amount to only 15% in a grade book, it’s easy to see how a single test worth 25% or higher can outweigh a handful of missing homework assignments from having any impact on a final grade. This goes both ways. Other students might worry that lessthan-outstanding grades on finals could evaporate the hard work they’ve put into the class on assignments that don’t impact the grade book the way final assessments can. Recently, my roommates and I experienced something like this. Instead of discussing what we had

NOPE

In-class presentations.

Capstone seminars.

COMIC ILLUSTRATION BY RYAN GREENE @TFOGDOGS

actually learned from the content of our courses, we fixated on what we would need to score on our final exams and where we could maximize the grade weight of potential extra credit in order to pass. We need to do away with an antiquated system that, when integrated into the intense structure of college as it stands today, creates unfair power imbalances in the grade book that make it nearly impossible for students to succeed on all fronts. We need a new system that doesn’t enable conversations on how to exploit, work around or simply survive the archaic tradition of finals week. Our academic futures should not be decided by the results of a few weeks of schoolwork, and we should not be forced to forfeit grades in some areas for better grades in others. Reach JD Meltzner at letters @collegian.com.

Finishing your finals early.

DOPE

Open-note finals.

No time to holiday shop.

When there is already a Quizlet for the final.

Needing 137% on the final to pass.

The concept of snow.

8 p.m. finals.

New football coach.

Thursday, December 9, 2021

Collegian.com

SERIOUSLY

Lam the Ram apprehended for serial bike theft By Callum Burke

@burkec0621 Editor’s Note: This is a satire piece from The Collegian’s opinion section. Real names and the events surrounding them may be used in fictitious/semi-fictitious ways. Those who do not read the editor’s notes are subject to being offended. Read part one of this series on collegian.com. More information is available on the cloaked bike thief roaming around campus. Allen Wrench, the Colorado State University sophomore who brought this issue to light, devised a plan to catch the vile person stealing bikes. “I planted a decoy bike by Braiden Hall to try and catch the sleazebag up close,” Wrench said. “I also purchased a ghillie suit online and posed in the nearby shrubbery with a GoPro camera strapped to my chest.” Three of Wrench’s bikes have been stolen during his tenure at Colorado State, which clearly shows the thief is a true professional at what they do. “The bandit arrived within 25 minutes of starting my operation,” Wrench said. “It was disturbing, honestly — almost like he could smell a bike begging to be stolen.” Douglas Bianchi, Wrench’s roommate and victim of the thief, said, “I am just as invested as Allen (Wrench) because we both have lost bikes to this jackass.” “I sat nearby acting as an oblivious student doing homework in case Allen (Wrench) needed backup,” Bianchi said. Wrench and Bianchi notified both the police and The Collegian when the bike thief began fiddling with the bait. “I embraced my inner Bruce Lee and jumped out of the bushes on top of him at light speed,” Wrench said. “I had the power of at least 100 angry students on my side, and I was not willing to let the thief out of my grip.” “Lord, have mercy, he was kicking the thief ’s kaboose!” Bianchi said. “The instant he mounted the dude’s back and grabbed his weirdly huge head, it was game over.” After the thief yielded, Wrench was disturbed by what he discovered. “I told the bandit to take off his cloak, and that’s when I saw that he had horns and was covered in hair from snout to hooves,” Wrench said. Wrench added that he probably would have run away screeching had he not been so proud of himself for taking down a literal beast. With just enough courage to speak, Wrench asked the thief his identity. “I am Lam — Lam the Ram,” the thief confessed. Wrench discovered that Lam is CAM the Ram’s younger and estranged brother. Never given a chance to shine in the limelight

GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION BY BRIAN PEÑA THE COLLEGIAN

around Fort Collins, Lam has remained in the shadows, slowly plotting how to get back at his brother and the students and locals who have never shown him love. “I took the bikes because I wanted some attention for a change,” Lam said. “I was sick and tired of CAM getting all the love and media exposure while I just rotted in the stable next to his.” “One night, on a drunken impulse decision, I began stealing bikes,” Lam said. “I was out late sipping on some Angry Orchard Hard Cider with my fellow sheep when I saw my brother’s beloved banana-seat bike sitting outside his stable unlocked.” “I took his bike and sold it to a fifth grader for a head of lettuce the next morning, no questions asked,” Lam continued. “Ever since then, I’ve been snagging every bike I can get my hooves on.” In an exclusive interview with The Collegian, CAM was surprised to hear the troublesome news of both his bike and his brother. “That crooked-horn loser took my bike, I fucking knew it!” CAM said. “That bike was a gift from the mayor

of Fort Collins, but why should my brother care? He’s always hated me and my stuff.” “I can’t say I’m surprised at what he did, though,” CAM continued. “He always wanted to be famous, but he was born with horns too fat for any camera and was bullied out of show business as a result. Probably why he’s always wearing that dumb cloak.” Lam added that he has been stealing bikes for over five years now, and if he had not been caught, he would have continued. “If it weren’t for you meddling kids and your watchdog newspaper, I would have gotten away with it for years to come,” Lam said. “As long as CAM was still the mascot, I was always gonna steal bikes.” Fully aware that his bike shenanigans had concluded, Lam offered his final anecdote: “Blame me all you want, but if you were in my hooves you would do the same. I regret nothing.” Police arrested Lam and brought him to a maximum-security cellar underneath the Clark Building’s basement, where he remains today. Reach Callum Burke at letters@ collegian.com.

Thursday, December 9, 2021

n a i l a t I Wine

@CSUCollegian

Sale prices are for in-store shopping only. Does not include phone, curbside pick up orders, delivery, online or app orders. Antale

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Ocaso

Sale prices are for in-store shopping only. Does not include phone, curbside pick up orders, delivery, online or app orders.

Prices Good Dec 9 thru Dec 12, 2021

12 Thursday, December 9, 2021

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Malbec

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Superior Cerveza

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Collegian.com

Thursday, December 9, 2021

BEST OF FALL 2021

Community members around Fort Collins, Colorado, tune into “Finding Nemo” for a movie night event at Canvas Stadium July 9. PHOTO BY TRI DUONG THE COLLEGIAN

Quinn Schneider, a Colorado State University Army Reserve Officers’ Training Corps junior, wears a flight helmet equipped with night-vision goggles in front of a UH-60L Black Hawk helicopter parked on the CSU Intramural Fields Nov. 13. PHOTO BY GARRETT MOGEL THE COLLEGIAN

During our first semester returning to fully in-person classes, The Rocky Mountain Collegian’s photo desk has grown to amazing numbers. Comprised of almost 30 photographers, the photo desk has taken some truly incredible pictures this year. Covering topics ranging from football games to logging sports, concerts, protests and everything in between, photographers have had their hands full, to say the least. While the full digital gallery features 32 of the semester’s greatest pictures, it’s truly a task to narrow down the field to include anything less than 50. Presented in this gallery is a celebration of the wonderful talent The Collegian photo desk displays each and every print edition.

Karson Wilson, member of the Colorado State University logging team, cuts a clean “cookie” during the stock saw event Nov. 14. PHOTO BY MILO GLADSTEIN THE COLLEGIAN

A member of the Colorado State University Golden Poms waits to cheer while the University of Arkansas at Pine Bluff’s starting lineup is announced Nov. 12. PHOTO BY LUCY MORANTZ THE COLLEGIAN

Thursday, December 9, 2021

@CSUCollegian

BEST OF FALL 2021

Bystanders dance to the Atom Collective live jazz band at the Fort Collins Old Town Square lighting ceremony Nov. 5. PHOTO BY GRAYSON REED THE COLLEGIAN

Tywan Francis (8) holds his hands up in response to a call on the field Sept. 12. PHOTO BY LUKE BOURLAND THE COLLEGIAN

Sky Norton uses the “wig-wag” technique on a new project at Kind Creations Nov. 9. PHOTO BY MILO GLADSTEIN THE COLLEGIAN

Joe Deline (35) poses for a picture after practice Sept. 29. PHOTO BY AVERY COATES THE COLLEGIAN

Thursday, December 9, 2021

Collegian.com

COVER STORY

Colorado State’s basketball teams are taking over athletics By Taylor Paumen and Karsyn Lane @csucollegian With fall sports coming to an end, Colorado State University fans can now enjoy all that comes with winter — despite the lack of snow. But there is no shortage of excitement when it comes to the Rams basketball teams.

Men’s basketball

The Colorado State men’s basketball team has made their name this season with an outstanding performance, energy and determination to dominate the court. Currently, the Rams remain one of NCAA Division I’s last undefeated teams, advancing to a 9-0 record this season. Notably, CSU is one of the remaining 12 undefeated teams in the 2021-22 college basketball season and is ranked first in the Mountain West Conference. Nothing can stop our CSU Rams from the powerhouse path they’ve created for themselves this season. We’ve had the opportunity to see the Rams reach 9-0 for the first time since the 2014-15 season, when they went 14-0. As of Dec. 7, the Rams are only looking at three more matchups on the road before taking on the MWC games. Not only has the team become unstoppable but so have many of the Rams themselves. The scoreboard and leaderboards this season have lit up with the help of juniors David Roddy and Isaiah

Stevens. Roddy currently runs the leaderboards for Colorado State in five separate categories, including points (185), field goals (68), free throws (35), rebounds (70) and blocks (10). Stevens leads the board in assists (63) and steals (18) but is respectfully one of the best offensive players Colorado State has seen. In the most recent game against Saint Mary’s College of California, Roddy and Stevens were projected to reach 1,000 points scored in their college careers. So far, Roddy has reached 996 points, while Stevens has 986. This is huge for the team and players because only 30 Rams have scored 1,000 points in their Colorado State careers. This is a milestone that will likely soon be celebrated by two other Rams, Kendle Moore (882) and Adam Thistlewood (866), approaching career statistics. Colorado State has delivered some monumental highs this season, defeating the odds and changing the game of basketball. In the very first regular-season matchup against Oral Roberts University Nov. 9, the Rams set expectations at an all-time high, bringing the most points so far this season with a blowout win of 109-80. After getting a taste of having such a huge lead, the team has continued to hold their opponents, averaging a 17.9 scoring margin this season. Despite having a breathtaking start to the season, the Rams aren’t ready to stop. After defeating the

Colorado State University Ram Bengisu Alper (33) receives the ball after a pass from her teammate during a game against the Louisville Cardinals Nov. 28. The Colorado State Rams lost to the Louisville Cardinals 71-56. PHOTO BY MICHAEL GILES THE COLLEGIAN

Saint Mary’s Gaels, head coach Niko Medved shed light on the season and in a press conference expressed that “the best part of being undefeated is we’ve won them all. ... They’re a team that just keeps their head down; they know how hard this is; they keep working.” As Colorado State University continues to master the court, there is still plenty of the season ahead of them. The Rams will work to elevate their game, execute changes and take their opponents’ names

Fifth-year Chandler Jacobs (13) calls to a teammate before passing the ball Nov. 12 during the Colorado State home game against Saint Mary’s College of California. CSU won 74-58. PHOTO BY LUCY MORANTZ THE COLLEGIAN

with fire in their eyes. Coming from Medved himself, “There are always going to be things to improve — you’re either getting better or you’re getting worse.”

Women’s basketball

The women’s basketball team is currently 7-1 and sits at the top of the MWC. The Rams’ one loss was to the currently No. 6-ranked University of Louisville Nov. 28 in Moby Arena, 71-56. But let’s rewind to early November as the 12-woman roster had their debut to the regular season against the Colorado Christian University Cougars. Freshman guard Anna Prim from Spain made her first appearance for the green and gold with a current personal season high of 14 points, shortly followed by sophomore forward Cali Clark with 13. CSU came out with their first win of the regular season, beating CCU by 35 at 77-42. CSU then continued the season with two more home games against the University of Northern Colorado Bears and the Oral Roberts Golden Eagles. The Rams came out on top once again, keeping both their opponents below 60 points. Graduate student Karly Murphy was the talk of the games as she led her team offensively and defensively with 13 rebounds in each game and 32 total points. With a 61-50 win over the Bears and a 71-56 win taken from the Golden Eagles, the Rams sat at a 3-0 record. Colorado State then headed to Denver to take on the University

of Denver Pioneers, where junior guard McKenna Hofschild got a hot hand inside and outside the 3-point arc with a current season high of 27 points. Murphy held it down again on defense with nine rebounds, and the team came back to Fort Collins with another win, 67-43. Ram guard Upe Atosu helped gain one more win at home against the Lipscomb University Bisons as she had a personal season high of 21 points and went four for six on the free throw line. CSU took the win 81-55 before losing their five-game winning streak to the Louisville Cardinals. Following the loss, the Rams quickly moved on as they showed up to the 2021 Arizona State University Classic, where they went 2-0 against Harvard University and University of Texas at San Antonio. Both games were closer than any previously played: The Rams beat Harvard by seven points, 59-52, and the next day overcame UTSA by just four with their lowest-scoring game, 52-48. While both Ram teams are looking to be quite the threat this season, CSU fans can be grateful for the change of pace after the fall sports season. The men’s team will look to continue their nine-game winning streak Dec. 11 as they head south to face Mississippi State University. The women’s team will continue their season with two more home games Dec. 8 against Weber State University and Dec. 12 versus Colorado State University Pueblo. Reach Taylor Paumen and Karsyn Lane at sports@collegian.com.

Thursday, December 9, 2021

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PICK GUIDE

Sponsored Content

NFL fantasy football — waiver wire week 14 recommendations

By Anna Jelden Plants can be a great way to decorate your home, apartment, or give life and vibrance to a dull space. Being a plant parent may seem intimidating if you don’t know where to start. However, there are many houseplants that require little maintenance and can thrive in a variety of conditions.

GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION BY NICK PERL THE COLLEGIAN

By Brendon Fairbairn

@fairbairn_7 It is finally week 14 of the NFL season, and there are six more weeks left until the playoffs. For fantasy owners, this is the last week of the regular season, and this means a lot for postseason implications. If you already clinched a spot in the playoffs, good for you, but if you are fighting for your life to get in and need a few players to push you over the edge, look no further than this week’s waiver wire. With the Indianapolis Colts, Philadelphia Eagles, Miami Dolphins and New England Patriots having bye weeks, this final week of waivers for the regular season is critical for everyone.

“This is my last article for fantasy football, so I wish you good luck in this final week of regular season play and the playoffs.” Let’s start with New York Jets wide receiver Jamison Crowder. He should see an increased role within the offense since Corey Davis is out for the rest of the season with a core injury. He won’t be the No. 1 receiver in New York since Elijah Moore has earned himself that honor, but Crowder will be the No. 2 guy moving forward. Crowder only has two touchdowns on the season but has been pretty consistent with targets at around five to seven a game. Last week against the Eagles, he had four catches on six targets for 62 yards. His next matchup is against the New Orleans Saints, who are not great when it comes to defending against wide receivers (seventh-worst in the league). But with Marshon Lattimore covering Moore, I believe Crowder will lead the team in targets, giving him flex value this week.

My second waiver wire pick is another wide receiver in the AFC: Los Angeles Chargers Jalen Guyton. He is coming off his biggest week of the year with four catches on four targets for 90 yards and a touchdown. He isn’t on the list just for his big performance but also because Keenan Allen was recently added to the reserve/COVID-19 list. Guyton would step up as the No. 2 wideout in LA’s high-powered passing offense. That will make him a solid flex option this week. In week 14, the Chargers take on the New York Giants, who are the 10th-worst in the league when it comes to fantasy points allowed to wide receivers. I think the passing volume the Chargers have will be more than enough for the Giants to handle. Guyton is not even owned in 1% of leagues, so there shouldn’t be any competition to pick him up. My final waiver wire pickup is San Francisco 49ers running back JaMycal Hasty. With Elijah Mitchell entering the concussion protocol on Monday and Jeff Wilson Jr. dealing with a knee injury, Hasty should be next up for the starting role in line. He only has 13 carries on the season, but most of his damage is through the passing game. Hasty has 91 receiving yards on the season, which doesn’t seem like much, but with the amount he has played, it is really impressive. His first matchup with an extended look is against the Cincinnati Bengals, who allow the 15th-most fantasy points to running backs. Hasty has a potential flex value this week due to how good the Niners running back system is. He is only owned in 0.5% of leagues, but that number could go up for fantasy owners of Mitchell. All three of these players should bring you value in week 14 as there are four teams on bye weeks. This is my last article for fantasy football, so I wish you good luck in this final week of regular season play and the playoffs. I hope my articles have helped you get some much-needed wins and depth on your bench. Reach Brendon Fairbairn at sports@ collegian.com.

NORFOLK ISLAND PINE Araucaria heterophylla

Plant Bio

The Norfolk Island Pine is actually a tropical evergreen that is native to Norfolk Island. A mature plant can live up to 150 years. Although this plant is commonly used as a live holiday tree, it can also be enjoyed year-round! They are able to be grown indoors and outdoors. As a tropical native, this plant prefers warmer temperatures and high humidity. A young Norfolk Island Pine will have weak roots, and may need a stake to help stay upright. This plant likes soil that is sandy and porous. Try adding sand and peat moss to a regular potting mix. This plant is toxic to cats and dogs.

Prefers bright, indirect light, tolerates medium light Water every 1-2 weeks Likes humidity and temperatures between 65-70 ℉

Did You Know? Temperature is an important part of growing a happy plant. Most houseplants originate from tropical locations, which is why they prefer warmer temperatures and some humidity. Most plants will thrive in temperatures between 60 - 75°F. Keep plants away from windows during the winter. They can produce cold air drafts that are damaging to plants.

Thursday, December 9, 2021

Collegian.com

TRASH TALK

The Denver Broncos: 5 years of irrelevance

GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION BY BRIAN PEÑA THE COLLEGIAN

By Chase Hontz @hontzcollegian Editor’s Note: This is opinion based content that reflects the views of the individual author only and does not represent a stance taken by The Collegian or its editorial board. On Feb. 7, 2016, the Denver Broncos secured their third Super Bowl victory in franchise history. They did so with a defense-oriented team led by Von Miller, quarterbacked by Peyton Manning (a shell of himself at that point) and coached by Gary Kubiak. Since that day, the Broncos have an overall combined record of 38-54 with no playoff appearances. In the nearly six-year stretch since the Broncos’ Super Bowl 50 victory, the organization has featured a series of revolving-doors at its most important positions. In the aftermath of Manning’s post-Super Bowl retirement, the franchise has started each of the last five seasons with a different starting quarterback. Similarly, following Kubiak’s resignation within a year of the Super Bowl victory, the Broncos have already hired two different head coaches and seem destined to move on to a third after the 2021 season. John Elway, the Pro Football Hall of Famer Broncos’ quarterback and architect of the Super Bowl 50 team, stepped down from his role as general manager at the end of the 2020 season. As the final nail in the coffin, the team traded

defensive superstar and Super Bowl 50 MVP Miller to the Los Angeles Rams just over a month ago. Needless to say, Super Bowl 50 feels like a lifetime ago for Broncos fans. So how did the franchise descend so quickly into perennial irrelevance? More importantly, what is the quickest and most feasible solution to breathe life back into the once-proud organization? Darrell Blair, a professor in Colorado State University’s College of Liberal Arts as well as a former Broncos reporter for the Coloradoan from 1996-2004, discussed the woeful state of the post-Super Bowl 50 Broncos. “For whatever reason, Denver has not found a solution at head coach since SB 50,” Blair said. “And that lack of a consistent presence within the organization creates uncertainty at all levels. Lots of teams feel pressure to make changes from the fanbase following a disastrous season (or two). But if the right head coach remains in place, the ownership can confidently back the coaching staff and await positive outcomes. Overall, I see the coaching carousel as the biggest hindrance to the Broncos since SB 50.” While it is indisputable that the lack of consistency at the head coaching position has proven to be a massive issue for the Broncos organization since Kubiak’s departure, the franchise’s continuously failed attempts at identifying franchise quarterbacks has arguably acted as an even bigger contributor to the team’s downfall. In today’s pass-happy

NFL, teams go only as far as their quarterbacks are able to take them. “Denver certainly has tried to find a replacement for Peyton Manning,” Blair said. “The list of replacement QBs runs about as long as the Colorado River, but again, no longterm solution to date. And it seems for whatever reason, the Broncos remain fated to this pattern. No quarterback Denver has drafted ever led any team to a Super Bowl. Not one.”

“The Broncos are in an extremely unique position. They can shoot immediately back into contention as soon as next year with a single acquisition.”

While it is mind-boggling that an organization with three Super Bowl titles has never won with a quarterback they’ve drafted, such a bizarre history should not and cannot discourage the Broncos from allocating resources to the quarterback position. It appears as though the franchise has become infatuated with replicating the team-building recipe that won

them Super Bowl 50. Whether it is hiring two straight defensiveminded coaches, signing journeyman quarterbacks (Teddy Bridgewater,Case Keenum, Joe Flacco) or emphasizing both defense and offensive skill positions over quarterback in the draft, the Broncos seem insistent on the belief that they can still win a title with an average quarterback that is carried by an elite defense and skill players. This assertion on the part of the Broncos is entirely misguided. The previous four Super Bowl winning teams were all led by elite quarterback play. Two were won by Tom Brady, in my opinion the greatest quarterback of all time, and the other two were won by Patrick Mahomes II and Nick Foles. Mahomes is already considered to be a surefire hall-of-famer, and Foles had one of the best stretch of games ever played by a quarterback in the 2018 playoffs. An excellent defense and surrounding cast is certainly necessary to win a Super Bowl, but teams can no longer reach the pinnacle of the sports world with mediocrity at the quarterback position. As such, the Broncos front office must abandon its obsession with re-creating the past and instead look to the future. Despite five years of complete neglect of the quarterback position, the Broncos might be able to luck out this coming offseason. By all accounts, it appears that either Russell Wilson and/or Aaron Rodgers will be available via trade this offseason. Having seemingly focused on all

aspects of the team other than the quarterback position, the Broncos already have a stout defense and talented surrounding offensive cast in place. Considering this, the Broncos can erase all their mistakes over the past five years by doing whatever it takes to bring in one of the two hall of fame quarterbacks. It is nearly unprecedented that one such hall of fame quarterback, let alone two, is available in a given offseason. The Broncos are in an extremely unique position. They can shoot immediately back into contention as soon as next year with a single acquisition. As for finding a head coach to pair with either Wilson or Rodgers, options are less clear. Fortunately for the team, things seem to figure themselves out once the quarterback position is solidified. Good head coaches are not nearly as difficult to find as elite quarterbacks. In reference to the coaching search the Broncos will likely find themselves in this offseason, Blair said, “The path forward for Denver: Find a coach loveable by both ownership and front office personnel whose players love him and who is hopefully a young wizard (and not named Josh McDaniels).” Blair went on to say, “Ted Lasso, how about a return to coaching American football? Denver needs you.” Reach Chase Hontz at sports @collegian.com.

Thursday, December 9, 2021

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FOOD AND DINING

Food Feuds: Mo Jeaux’s versus Avogadro’s Number By Renee Ziel @reneeziel

Happy almost-winter break, my local eatery enthusiasts! In what is my final food feuds at The Collegian, I’m shoving some local favorites into the ring: Mo Jeaux’s Bar and Grill and Avogadro’s Number. These chill and diverse bars have earned a lot of love in FoCo, a place so centered around community and the arts. And after this grub matchup, I really understand why — at least where sustenance is concerned.

“Avogadro’s also admittedly gets some bonus points for an exceptional shake – the Dream Bar, orange and vanilla, is every creamsicle lover’s ... well, dream.”

These places offer a lot of different food. Mo Jeaux’s boasts BBQ, burgers and Cajun food, which is vast alone. Avogadro’s has a bulky menu for mainly vegetarian consumers. That being said, I was limited in my ability to get something similar, so I’ll be heavy-handed in judging quality alone.

flavor, that’s the least of my worries. The fries were excellent too, as it’s important to have two things with such potato greatness: flavor and texture.The flavor must be distinct but not outshine the main course, and the texture must be crispy, not crunchy. And in those tests, Mo Jeaux’s passed with flying colors.

Mo Jeaux’s Bar and Grill

Avogadro’s Number

From Mo Jeaux’s I got the Ram burger, which contains bacon, guacamole and cheddar, with a side of fries. This column does love a bacon burger, after all. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Cohesiveness matters. Mo Jeaux’s understands that. The burger’s elements played together wonderfully. It’s hard to mess up cheese and bacon on a burger, but even the guacamole felt right, and I’m someone who finds avocado a bit overwhelming on things. One downside is the bun was weak. I’m not sure if it can even be controlled, but the bun fell apart with every bite, and some people, like myself, feel a messy burger takes away from the experience. However, with good

From this artsy joint, I got fries and the Joe’s sandwich, which features turkey, bacon, avocado, cream cheese, tomato, lettuce, onion and house dressing on a baguette. I love a good club, and I love cream cheese, so I couldn’t resist. Sometimes sandwiches fall victim to having too much bread or too much stuff, but every part of this sandwich was just the right amount (cohesive!). This meal was hefty and filling in all the right ways, and no one element was overbearing. On top of that, it was just delicious. The fries, on the other hand, weren’t very crispy at all. They were good — all fries are fantastic — but they were missing the right texture to go with a sandwich that had many softer ingredients already. It’s possible I got a less

GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION BY KATRINA CLASEN THE COLLEGIAN

crispy bunch, but every batch of this favorite side dish must be exemplary. Avogadro’s also admittedly gets some bonus points for an exceptional shake – the Dream Bar, orange and vanilla, is every creamsicle lover’s ... well, dream. So what’s the verdict? I completely enjoyed both meals, even with their minor shortcomings. What’s really happened this week is I had to nitpick the details of what was an overall great dining experience.

This doesn’t happen often in this column, and I tend to think of this decision as the coward’s way out, but I declare this matchup a definitive tie. Even with different menu items, I have an intuitive confidence that each dish from these places will be grand. In fact, I cannot recommend enough that you make your way down to both restaurants for your next meal — I sure will. Reach Renee Ziel at entertainment@ collegian.com.

CULTURE AND COMMUNITY

FoCo Cafe offers healthy meals during holiday season By Ivy Secrest @ivysecrest

FoCo Cafe goes above and beyond with their services, giving a “hand-up” rather than a handout, as their values say. They offer not only a meal but a healthy, locally sourced one in a warm and friendly volunteer-driven environment. In the string light-strewn bubble of Fort Collins, it is easy to forget that the season of giving encompasses much more than Hallmark movies and warm cozy nights among family and friends. For some in our community, the holidays are marked by an increased need for clothes, food and a place to warm up after long days in the cold. Thanks to FoCo Cafe, some of those needs can be met. After celebrating their seventh anniversary this Thanksgiving and preparing for their Party with a Purpose event, which will fund their rent and utilities for the year, chef Michelle Klamm and Operations Manager Lauren McGee reflected on how the

FoCo Cafe is located at 225 Maple St. in Fort Collins Dec. 8. PHOTO BY GRAYSON REED THE COLLEGIAN

holidays affect their customers. “Not everyone finds joy during the holidays,” McGee said. “Conditions that those without a home live in can be very harsh, so we try to help with basic items like scarves, hats and socks.” The cold winds of Fort Collins

can be harsh; having access to warm, essential items is key for many people who attend the FoCo Cafe. Offering that support is vital and shows just how necessary FoCo Cafe is. “Everyone struggles at least once in their life,” McGee said. “As a community, it is our job to help

those in need and provide as much support as possible.” The care and kindness that are funneled into the community are irreplaceable. The comfort that the cafe provides extends beyond those experiencing homelessness. The FoCo Cafe has the capacity to help those struggling at any stage of life. “I know when I was in college, I was struggling, and I was working,” McGee said. “If I could get a healthy meal for a minimum donation of $4, I would absolutely come here.” It’s likely that the average college student in Fort Collins hasn’t heard of the FoCo Cafe. It’s not as close to campus as Alleycat Coffee House or Pickle Barrel, but the chance to help the community you join as a Ram and enjoy a healthy meal for a minimum of $4 (or a little extra if you’re feeling the giving spirit) is well worth it. Food insecurity can be experienced at any point in your life, and around the holidays, it can feel that much more amplified. Having the capacity to be sympathetic to that is so important in maintaining

a supportive community, which Fort Collins aims to be. “There is a huge need for food security and increased awareness around the fact that we’re a largely affluent town, but we do have low-income families and people experiencing homelessness, and it’s not something we can brush under the rug,” Klamm said. Open 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Monday through Friday, the FoCo Cafe aids those experiencing food insecurity no matter their ability to contribute to the program, an attribute unique to them in Fort Collins. Similarly, others can support their work by paying a little extra for their meals. FoCo Cafe has earned its place as a pivotal part of the community. They embody important aspects of the holiday season like generosity, kindness and understanding through their continued work. FoCo Cafe is located at 225 Maple St. in Fort Collins. To see their menu, check out their Facebook page. Reach Ivy Secrest at entertainment@ collegian.com.

Thursday, December 9, 2021

Collegian.com

FOOD AND DINING

In defense of fruitcake as a holiday dessert By Scotty Powell @scottysseus

It’s wintertime again. At least, I’m pretty sure it is. Of course, given the scorching heat we’ve been experiencing these past few weeks, it’s also possible that the weather machine responsible for creating precipitation in this massive, “The Truman Show”-esque simulation we are all involuntarily acting in is malfunctioning and thus keeping us locked in a perpetual summertime season. It’s either that or climate change. But let’s be reasonable: If it was “climate change,” why would the weather be the same as it was back in August? Hm? Yeah, that’s right: You and your fancy schmancy Ph.D.-in-meteorology brain didn’t think of that one, did yeh? Clearly, our “The Truman Show” simulation snow machine has simply blown a fuse. But that’s no matter! Whether the weather likes it or not, it’s wintertime. This means the holiday season is here — that glorious time of year when we all once again pull our great-

grandmother’s copy of “American Cookery” out of its lonely spot in the darkest corner of our kitchen pantry and resurrect the most bizarre culinary confections from its dank and dusty pages. From figgy pudding to gingerbread cookies to sugarplums to eggnog, holiday desserts are more like garbage pails than they are palate cleansers — food things invented for the sole purpose of giving people a sneaky way to dispose of whatever Thanksgiving dinner ingredients they might have taking up space in their kitchen without feeling wasteful. When it comes to disgraced wintertime desserts, however, no Christmas confection has proven more controversial over the years than fruitcake. With its Super Ball texture and overly sweet flavor, this gummy bear bread has been perhaps the most divisive thing to happen to Christmas since Mrs. Claus converted to Judaism. But is this snowy seasonal as bad as its dismal reputation suggests? Though not the tastiest of post-entree treats, its apparently universal declamation as the single most disgusting dessert

seems undeserved considering the idiosyncratic composition of its fellow horrific holiday season snacks — namely, sugarplums. Yes, while one can’t defend the merit of fruitcake itself, one can at least reassess its permanent relegation to the bottom rung of our holiday treat hierarchy when desserts more deserving of that spot exist. From “The Nutcracker” to “The Night Before Christmas,” sugarplums have for too long been overhyped in our collective holiday spirit as treats so delicious they reside on an entirely different metaphysical plane of existence than our own — in lands of fairies and the dreams of sleeping children. But it’s time to cut sugarplums down to size and admit these representations are woefully misleading and don’t accurately convey the flat dullness of these dainty indulgences, which, in reality, consist of nothing more than dried raisins, figs and apricots squashed together into chunky mounds of fruit goop and then wrapped in cellophane and sold as “candy.”

GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION FROM THE COLLEGIAN ARCHIVES

Yes, nothing says “holiday indulgence” quite like a nice, sweet, oh-so-decadent granola bar. Why any child’s sweet Christmas Eve dreams would be populated by lumpy mounds of glorified fruit leather is beyond me, unless Clement Clarke Moore’s parents were the kind of nutrition-obsessed parents who made their children eat spinach and acorn smoothies for every meal of the day, thus making these antioxidant-laden atrocities seem like a sinful extravagance.

Either way, in spite of its flaws, given that fruitcake at least drowns its fiber-rich fruit filling in a nice, thick puddle of cake batter, it seems that it is, in the very least, deserving of its title as a true blue “holiday dessert” in a way that sugarplums with their heart-healthy ingredient lists are not. And fruitcake ought to be — if not outright respected and admired — at least bumped up a slot on the seasonal treat scoreboard. Reach Scotty Powell at entertainment @collegian.com.

PRESS PLAY

A holiday playlist for the Grinches of the world By Maddy Erskine

@maddyerskine_

There is nothing that makes me hate Christmas more than Christmas music. Does this make me a Grinch? I mean, he is much more logical and relatable than the entire population of Whoville, who seem to have quite a materialistic outlook on the holiday they view as morally superior. Anyway, here is a specially crafted holiday playlist for my fellow Grinches.

‘sympathy 4 the grinch’ by 100 gecs

“sympathy 4 the grinch” is by far the best Christmas song released in the last five years. The bassline is catchy, the lyrics are holidaythemed without an obsessive level of cheesiness and it even has a classic “la, la, la” moment. Grab your jingle bells, and get ready to headbang your heart out to some holiday hyper-pop.

‘I Don’t Believe In Santa Claus’ by The Vandals

“I Don’t Believe in Santa Claus” deserves a special award for not only hating on Christmas but giving very real reasons as to why this holiday is a corporate money scam that has lost all real sense of joy. As sad as it is, being naughty or nice isn’t what is going to fill your stocking — it’s having rich parents.

‘Sugar Town’ by ShitKid

Is “Sugar Town” at all related to Christmas? No. This is why it deserves to be on this playlist — because not every song you play in December needs to be a snowfalling, Santa-hugging freaking Christmas carol. I specifically feel the Grinch would appreciate this song because it is a groovy song about going to hell complete with chaotic instrumentation.

‘Winter in Japan’ by Meth Wax

The word “winter” is relatively unrelated to the lyrics of “Winter in Japan,” but I am classifying this as a

punk holiday song anyway. What is more punk rock than listening to songs about how people don’t care while watching the snowfall — or the lack of snowfall?

‘Yule Shoot Your Eye Out’ by Fall Out Boy

Why does “Yule Shoot Your Eye Out” make me so emotional? The lyrics “Merry Christmas, I could care less” hit a little too hard. All these lyrics hit just a bit too close to home, and then with the acoustic guitar and key change, it’s simply too good. It’s the perfect song to play as you inevitably feel lonely looking at everyone’s picture-perfect holidays while you sit alone by an empty tree and cry yourself to sleep by the fireplace.

‘Gift’ by The Garden

Other than the word “gift,” there isn’t much of a holiday theme to “Gift,” which is once again a necessity because there is no need to listen to exclusively holiday music all winter. I feel the Grinch would appreciate the music of The Garden in general because of the chaotic

GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION BY FALYN SEBASTIAN THE COLLEGIAN

and edgy vibes their music gives off. This song in particular would have fit perfectly into the soundtrack of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” if he had successfully ruined Christmas, which ultimately would have been a lovely gift of change to give the obsessive and closedminded citizens of Whoville.

‘Happy Holidays, You Bastard’ by blink-182

I hope you all enjoy these 42

seconds as much as I do. According to Genius, bassist Mark Hoppus wrote “Happy Holidays, You Bastard” on Christmas Eve as a way to get out his frustration trying to wrap presents and prepare for the holiday, which as we all know can be unnecessarily stressful. So if anyone asks you why you didn’t get them a Christmas gift, send them this song. Reach Maddy Erskine at entertainment@collegian.com.

Thursday, December 9, 2021

@CSUCollegian