Winter Bloom 2009 by Rockingham Publishing Co.

Bloom celebrating Valley women

Betsy Hay: Giving back at United Way

Winter 2009

INSIDE BLOOM

Fashion Holiday wear dos and don’ts; accessorizing tips from the pros 5

Relationships How to pick the perfect gift for every stage of your relationship 9

Career Two businesses make Christmas 12 their year-round focus.

In Full Bloom Betsy Hay looks at the big picture of the community’s needs in her 14 work at the United Way

Kids How to answer the “Santa Question”; How an aunt’s generosity shaped a life

Money Donating money to a charity can be a gift for you as well; more people skipping gifts to 21 give to others

Spirituality Turn to these books and music to 24 soothe your stressed soul

Health Feeling frazzled? Plan to have a 26 happy, stress-free holiday

Fitness Get active to make some healthy holiday memories; check out our 28 holiday calorie guide

Home Don’t have a clue what your Christmas decorating style is? Take our quiz 36

Kitchen Go savory for your next party

View from the ’Burg

For advertising information, contact Canessa Collins at 574-6214 or ccollins@dnronline.com

Bloom

After a year testing her own limits, Heather Bowser shares what she learned 46

Winter 2009

Photo by Florence Barrett

Watch out Santa — the Bloom women are out for your job! Kneeling, from left to right: Jacquelyn Walsh and Alicia Wotring Sisk. Standing, from left to right: Heather Bowser, Mary Lou Dean, Katheryn Huff, Rachel Bowman and Kate Elizabeth Queram.

K, I’ll admit it. I’m kind of a grinch. The thought of my holiday to-do list makes me want to crawl under the covers until January. If I could just hit a button and fast-forward the whole holiday season, I would. But after spending this year working on Bloom — and being surrounded by women who inspire and challenge me to be a better version of myself — I’ve decided I want this season to be different. Instead of stressing out about my messy house and total lack of culinary skills, I’m embracing the holiday spirit, baking (really easy) Christmas cookies, playing with the kids in my extended family and watching “It’s a Wonderful Life.” So whether your holiday cheer is three sizes too small or overflowing, there’s something for everyone in this issue of Bloom. Love your reindeer sweater and snowman earrings? We tell you how to wear them with style in “Strut your (holiday) stuff.” If you’re looking at the rapidly approaching holidays and need some decorating inspiration, take our quiz on page 37 and then go crazy with the ornaments, popcorn garlands or tinsel! After you’re done, take a break and

read Rachel Bowman’s essay on page 19 about her Aunt Iva. It will have you remembering, probably with tears in your eyes, the people whose love and generosity have shaped your own life. And speaking of generosity, our cover story about Betsy Neff Hay will inspire you to look around your community and ask how you can help make it a better place. I’d like to thank Patti and Robert Good and Sam Carrier at Robert Good Photography and Rodney Good at Artistic Photography for the wonderful photo illustration of Betsy on our cover. Angela Lawson at Roberta Webb Day Care Center was our gracious host and Betsy shares the spotlight with some of the center’s students. So before I head off to the kitchen to attempt some baking, I’d like to wish you all a joyful holiday season. After a short break this winter, we’ll be back at the end of March with our spring issue. Please stay in touch — you can call me at 574-6276 or e-mail me at khuff@dnronline.com. Merry Christmas! Katheryn Huff Editor

your FASHION

Strut your (holiday) stuff

Show off your spirit without looking like a Christmas train wreck ARTICLE BY KATE ELIZABETH QUERAM / PHOTOGRAPHY BY PETE MAROVICH

hen the weather gets colder and the days start flying off the Advent calendar, it’s tempting to snuggle into your favorite holiday sweater, slip on your Christmas tree socks and groove to the tunes from your musical Santa pin. But is it fashionable? Can you conceivably wear your Rudolph earrings and your snowman sweatshirt without looking like a holiday display gone wrong? As it turns out, you can, and in a chic way, too. According to local fashionistas, the key is moderation. “Don’t overkill it,” said Vivian Myers, owner of The Designer Consignor and Merle Norman Cosmetics in downtown Harrisonburg. “A little is better. A lot is not fashionable.” Here, from head to toe, is the skinny on how to strut your seasonal wear the modern way.

Traditional Christmas sweaters, resplendent in their reindeer-and-Santa glory, have been relegated to the back of most closets, but according to Myers, this is the year to dust them off. “I think with the economy the way it is, we should all wear Christmas sweaters — Christmas anything — to make people have the spirit,” she said. To do it chicly, Crystal Fleming, owner of Casual Fridays boutique in New Market, suggested wearing minimal accessories — most holiday sweaters speak for themselves, she said — and saving the sweaters for particularly festive events. “It’s always acceptable for holiday parties. From the day after Thanksgiving ’til the day of Christmas, you can wear those,” Fleming said. “It’s just fun to wear with bright red turtlenecks or bright green turtlenecks. You can also tone it down with a plain scarf.”

The Christmas sweater

The Santa pin, the Christmas earrings, the Hannukah necklace Holiday jewelry is a perfect way to incorporate seasonal spirit into your office wardrobe, Myers said. “A pair of earrings, they’ve even

made Christmas bracelets now that are fashionable. I think one or two pieces at the office is enough, and that just lets people know that you are in the spirit,” she said. For a modern take on holiday jewelry, Fleming recommended a jeweled brooch or a necklace made from glass balls in Christmas colors. Because holiday jewelry tends to be larger (think of the musical Santa pins) and flashier (such as Christmas light-bulb earrings) than other pieces, she recommended allowing it to be the focal point of your outfit. “Holiday jewelry should only be worn on plain clothing. You should not have a Santa sweater and wear a Santa pin,” she said. “You should have a nice red sweater with a nice pin — don’t over-accessorize. Less is more.” If overt holiday expression isn’t your style, consider celebrating more subtlely with the Santa, Rudolph or Hanukkah socks you’ve received from relatives in the past. Because they’re hidden by boots or pant legs, the socks are an ideal way to embrace holiday spirit at the office, Fleming said. “Oh, they’re fun. That’s something you can hide and still have fun with. Santa socks will always be in,” she said. Myers takes it a step further, donning her socks — featuring scenes for Halloween, Thanksgiving

Spirited socks

See Fashion on p. 8

Winter 2009

Bloom

Master the art of accessorizing ARTICLE BY RACHEL BOWMAN / PHOTOGRAPHY BY NIKKI FOX

o customers of Casual Friday boutique in New Market, owner Crystal Fleming is known as “The Accessory Guru.” She can take any outfit and create multiple looks using the jewelry, scarves, handbags and other adornments she has in her shop. Accessorizing is an art, Fleming said. “It’s creating a structure on a structure. It’s using clothing as a canvas to pull shapes, textures and colors together.”

Bloom

Winter 2009

Make the most of your outfit by adding the right scarf or necklace. Here, necklaces and scarves dress up three basic outfits every woman has in her own closet.

Fleming said there are many reasons, including religious modesty, that some women choose not to accessorize, and she respects their decision. But, she also believes accessories are necessary: “How you feel inside is very important,” she said. The right accessories, paired with well-fitting clothing, can help a woman feel good about herself and project self-confidence and competence, she added. Skeptical? Fleming has tested her belief. She dressed in a basic white “Casual Friday” T-shirt and black slacks, sans accessories, and went to work. Customers were polite, she said, but no one asked her for help. After lunch, she grabbed several pieces of jewelry to dress up her original outfit. The difference was astonishing; customers began asking her to find a scarf, a handbag or earrings to go with the clothes they planned to buy. That’s why Fleming thinks not using accessories is the biggest accessory mistake most women make. “They think we’re trying to sell them things,” Fleming said, but she thinks the customer deserves to look her best. Also, each customer is a walking

Casual Friday owner Crystal Fleming says accessorizing is an art: “It’s creating a structure on a structure. It’s using clothing as a canvas to pull shapes, textures and colors together.”

representative of her boutique — if they don’t look good, her shop doesn’t look good, either. No matter where you choose to shop, Fleming said any woman can find the perfect accessories to fit her needs. Here, she shares her guidelines for choosing the right accessories to make every outfit — and the woman wearing it — shine.

■ Pick your canvas: Without a foundation of well-fitting clothes that complement your complexion and body, accessories just won’t work. Begin with a top in colors and patterns that make your skin glow; avoid colors that make you look pale. To create a body balance, make sure the hem of your top falls about where a three-quarter-length sleeve would fall.

V-neck tops slenderize most women, but don’t be afraid to venture into other neckline shapes or try a neckline that features a fun texture. Pants or skirts should also fit well and color-coordinate with tops. If you aren’t sure, take your outfit to someone like Fleming; many salespeople will offer tips and suggestions to make sure your clothes will fit the occasion. ■ Jewelry: Forget what you were told about avoiding certain shapes or materials. And no, not every piece of green jewelry will go with all your green clothes. Fleming said jewelry should reflect the shapes and textures in the outfit. If the top you’re wearing has round shapes in its pattern, find jewelry in a complementary color and shape to echo the theme. If your neckline is textured, forego a necklace and focus on bangles or earrings to enhance the neckline. And pay attention to the texture and sheen of the fabric. “Even bits of color can be added as long as the textures are echoed,” she advised. ■ Scarves: A wardrobe staple, scarves will be trendy this year, Fleming said. Most women know a

Winter 2009

Bloom

colorful scarf can add sizzle to a bland outfit. But scarves can also be added as a casual or dressy adornment to almost any outfit. Wear one scarf two ways; drape casually around the neck for a day at the fall festival, then wrap around the shoulders and pin with an heirloom brooch to make a classy entrance at dinner. ■ Handbags: Too many women dress for a special occasion, then take the same pocketbook they use to shop for groceries, Fleming said. “No matter what you paid for it, if it doesn’t go with what you’re wearing, it doesn’t look good,” she added. Invest in handbags that reflect the textures, shapes and colors of your go-to outfits. And, when buying new clothes, make sure you pick out a handbag, too. Even a discount store bag will look like a million bucks if it’s paired well with the rest of your outfit. ■ Shoes: The wrong pair of shoes has the ability to drag down an otherwise neat look, Fleming said. Again, remember her mantra — shape, texture, color — when selecting shoes. Even if a medical condition means you have to buy specialized shoes, as she does, just

Bloom

Winter 2009

clip on a simple adornment to reflect the rest of the outfit. ■ Hair: Fleming also sees hair as an accessory; it’s one of the first things people notice. If you haven’t changed your hairstyle since high school or early adulthood, go to your stylist and discuss updating your ’do. You don’t have to take chances on a fad cut, she said, but do treasure your tresses and treat them as an accessory. ■ Don’t overdo: Just as a healthy balance of accessories can make any outfit look great, too many is, well, too much, Fleming said. If you look at what you’ve put on and question whether it’s overpowering your outfit, it probably is. ■ And don’t under-accessorize: Although sometimes plain makes a powerful statement, it’s a good bet several accessories will enhance the message you want to project. Choosing too few or too small accessories can throw off the proportions of an otherwise amazing outfit.

Rachel Bowman is a writer for the Daily News-Record. Though nearly 40, she still loves trying on her Granny’s rings.

Fashion from p. 5

and Christmas — at the gym. “When I do exercise, I wear those with my Reeboks,” she said.

The embroidered turtleneck or shirt

According to Fleming, the holiday turtleneck (the collar of which is embroidered with snowflakes, Christmas trees or menorahs) or shirt is not particularly en vogue — but you can still wear it. Try topping the turtleneck with a stylish black or red cape, or a solid-colored sweater. “Tone it down a bit by maybe wearing a white sweater with a black turtleneck that might have a little snowball on it,” she advised. Myers agreed that the holiday turtleneck should be paired with a

low-key top. “Definitely a solid color. If you have the turtleneck, you don’t need more,” she said, adding that it still serves a purpose. “That’s making your statement that you’re celebrating the holiday and you want people to feel the joy.” No matter your take on holiday fashion, it’s expressing the joy and spirit of the season that’s most important, Myers added. “I think we need to stay positive and we h need to stay in the ic v o r a Pete M spirit of Christmas no matter what religion we have,” she said. Kate Elizabeth Queram is a reporter for the Daily News-Record. She doesn’t own a Santa sweater, but looks forward to expressing holiday spirit via her red patentleather pumps.

your RELATIONSHIP

Be a great gift-giver Find the perfect present for any stage of your relationship

ARTICLE BY KATE ELIZABETH QUERAM PHOTOGRAPHY BY NIKKI FOX

hen Alexis Morehouse and her boyfriend Willy had been dating for less than two months, he gave her a tool belt for Christmas.

istockphoto.com

She was thrilled. “I wanted it!” recalled Morehouse, who’s still with Willy two years later. “I’m a compulsive weekend warrior, and I’m always dropping things and hurting myself.” Morehouse added that while most women probably wouldn’t be thrilled finding a tool belt underneath the tree, it was the ideal first Christmas gift for a new relationship. “It was the perfect present,” she said. “It wasn’t too sentimental but it showed that he put a lot of thought into it.” For new couples still in the throes of early-relationship infatuation, gift-buying can be difficult. You don’t want to send

Winter 2009

Bloom

the wrong message by buying something too extravagant or expensive, but you also don’t want to give something impersonal. According to Morehouse, the easiest way to decide on a gift is to learn about your significant other’s interests. “You give them something they can use for their own hobbies that they enjoy. What I’ve always resorted to is sports-related gifts, because they’re not so sentimental but it’s something that he really, really loves,” she said. “It’s something a guy will think is cool, but it doesn’t have to mean more than that.” Though coming up with a gift idea may become easier the longer you’re together, the buying process is never entirely worry-free. “As you get further along in your dating relationship, it becomes much easier to purchase an appropriate gift for that person, but the worry shifts,” said Dawn Morris, who’s been with her husband John for almost 20 years. “You shift from worrying about whether the person is afraid that you’re pushing the relationship too hard … to making sure that you give a thoughtful, considerate gift.” The best gift she ever received from John fit that description exactly, Morris added. After her mother’s death, Morris spent her birthday in Northern Virginia sorting through her estate. When she returned home to Harrisonburg, John met her at the front door. “He said, ‘Did you notice your gift?’ And I’m like, ‘What are you talking about?’ … He had put a

Bloom

Winter 2009

Dawn Morris’ favorite gift from her husband John was a sign proclaiming their house “Wigglebutt Ranch,” a reference to their six cocker spaniels. “It was the best birthday present ever, because there’s so much thought put into it. Because we love our dogs so much, and it was just, ‘Wow, how did he think of that?’ ”

‘Wigglebutt Ranch’ placard by the door under our house number because that’s what we jokingly call our house,” said Morris, who owns six cocker spaniels, called “wigglebutts” for their happy, wriggly rear ends. “It was the best birthday present ever, because there’s so much thought put into it. Because we love our dogs so much, and it was just, ‘Wow, how did he think of that?’ ” According to Kristin Slevin, a resident in marriage and family therapy at Transitions in Harrisonburg, the time and thought that goes into gift-giving can be, in the end, even more meaningful than the gift itself. “A lot of the time, for people who gift-giving

and receiving is important for, it’s more the idea of, ‘You’ve been thinking of me’ that counts. It doesn’t

“... [I]f you just put a little thought into it, it shows you care.” — Dawn Morris even have to be something that’s really expensive for a lot of people,” she said. “I think those kinds of

gifts can be appealing to lots of people because … there’s so much wrapped up in it, it’s not just the object. It’s the time spent, the thoughtfulness. I think that something like that can appeal to all kinds of people. Just a thoughtful gesture.” Morris agreed that fundamentally, the emotion behind the gift is the most important thing. “I think in any relationship, it’s easy to default to something you don’t have to think about,” she said. “But I think on certain occasions, if you just put a little thought into it, it shows you care.” Kate Elizabeth Queram is a reporter for The Daily News-Record. All she wants for Christmas is you.

Winter 2009

Bloom

your CAREER

The Christmas Gallery in New Market keeps a holiday room year-round but once November arrives, the whole store is devoted to Christmas.

For two Valley stores,

Every day is Christmas ARTICLE BY JACQUELYN WALSH / PHOTOGRAPHY BY MICHAEL REILLY

ith Christmas displays popping up around the city, many people are just beginning to think about the holiday season. But for two Valley stores, Christmas is on their minds — and the source of their business — year-round.

Bloom

Winter 2009

At Tis The Season in Bridgewater, miniature dollhouses share space with holiday decor.

At Tis The Season in Bridgewater, colorful bulbs line the doorway and garland accents the windows. It’s barely October, but the shop is always full of holiday cheer. Tis The Season opened in 2001 and focused solely on Christmas items. Owner Sam Wheelbarger,

62, also had a store where he sold handcrafted custom dollhouses. Now, the shops share one space, consolidated due to the economy, says Wheelbarger. Nevertheless, his Christmas and dollhouse shop is bursting with decorative Christmas items, and a decked-out tree dares you to resist the holiday spirit. In New Market, The Christmas Gallery has a room devoted solely to Christmas decorated 365 days a year with extravagant Christmas trees, string upon string of lights, ornaments and holiday embellishments. But by November, manager Bonnie Semans says Christmas will invade the whole shop with its cheery red and green presence. “As we get closer to Christmas, Christmas kind of takes over the entire store,” says Semans, 67. Semans says being surrounded by Christmas year-round helps to keep her young. “I’m a big fan of Christmas because it’s always in the back of my mind. This job was really a perfect niche for me,”

says Semans. “It’s really fun in the sense that you find the child in yourself.” The Gallery expects to make one-third of its annual income in just a couple of months, says Semans. Although the shop sees more people closer to Christmas, tourists shop here all year long. “Pressure is on closer to Christmas,” says Semans. “But if you have Christmas all year, you never stress about it coming.” Those on the inside of the Christmas business still have to deal with routine holiday tasks — in-

The view from behind the counter

cluding holiday shopping. “I buy for Christmas all year long, but not just because I work here,” says Semans. “I’ve always done that. You don’t feel the expense as much and when you see something for somebody, you can get it right then and there.” Semans says she tends to be done with her Christmas shopping by September or October and uses the money she saves for after-Christmas sales. Being surrounded with Christmas all day does have its benefits. “I do get some gifts … here for my family. My daughter and daughter-in-law will see things they

like in the store and I’ll give it to them at Christmas,” says Wheelbarger. “Although most of the gifts I give come from somewhere else because we work here all the time, so it’s not as much of a present.” Semans admits she does shop at her workplace, out of convenience and the variety of merchandise. “I do tend to give a lot of Christmas ornaments, and they’re usually ornaments from The Christmas Gallery,” she says.

See Shops on p. 35

Winter 2009

Bloom

File photo

Faith in action 14

Bloom

Winter 2009

in FULL BLOOM

Betsy Hay gives voice to the vulnerable in her work at United Way ARTICLE BY LUANNE BROWN AUSTIN / COVER PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY ROBERT GOOD PHOTOGRAPHY, COURTESY PHOTOS

mployees trickle into the Rockingham Mutual meeting room as Betsy Neff Hay talks with her other presenters. She chats with Jane Kincaid about the aftercare program at Mercy House. It’s apparent that Betsy is familiar with and interested in all aspects of Mercy House, including the people who work and volunteer there.

Betsy is at Rockingham Mutual on a Tuesday afternoon to talk about this fall’s United Way campaign. Half of the insurance company’s 67 employees attended a morning meeting. The rest are here. For Betsy — and United Way — the money is a means to an end. “United Way is perceived as only being a fundraising group,” says Betsy, executive director of United Way of Harrisonburg-Rockingham County since 2004. “What we’re really about is the end result of that: community impact.”

etsy’s job consists of raising money and investing it wisely. In addition to giving talks, she meets with CEOs of area companies and with board members of the 30 agencies United Way funds. Betsy has been moving toward the United Way job all her adult life. When she earned her master’s degree in social work at Virginia Commonwealth University, her concentration was in community-level systems. Before moving to Harrisonburg nine years ago, she lived in Bristol, where her then-husband was a minister. She worked at Wellmont Regional Medical Center. “I walked into Wellmont and asked what I could do,” she says. “I looked at what the hospital had to offer.” What it had was a strong home health department. Building on that, Betsy was hired to develop an in-home hospice program.

Betsy (right) is a member of the Grateful Tread, a cycling group that raises money for multiple sclerosis research. She rode in the MS 150 this summer with Ann Pettitt, Carol Lown and Linda Green. Betsy with her daughter, Rebekah, and her son, Douglas, after he ran the Baltimore Marathon in October. Betsy (right) ran the Richmond Marathon in 2004. “Completing a marathon taught me that, with proper preparation and support, I can do anything I put my mind to!”

OPPOSITE PAGE: United Way Executive Director Betsy Hay (left) and JMU intern Stephanie Dudley serve breakfast at Our Community Place in April.

Winter 2009

Bloom

“Who I am was there all along. I am loved by God with a love that will never go away. It frees you to be totally comfortable with yourself.” — Betsy Hay

Bloom

Winter 2009

“It thrived,” she says. Then, she began building an in-patient hospice on the hospital campus. “It was the first of its kind in Tennessee,” Betsy says. “By looking at the big picture, we added value to the hospital.” Adding value seems to be a recurring theme in Betsy’s social work career. When she came to Harrisonburg in 2000 — because of her former husband’s job — she walked into the Harrisonburg-Rockingham Free Clinic and asked then-executive director Elly Swecker how she could help. At the time, the clinic had never had a social worker. “She developed the social work program at the free clinic and took the lead in this area for at least a year,” says Elly. The program, which Betsy developed as a volunteer, serves as a model for other community health clinics.

n 2001, Betsy applied to be the first executive director of Generations Crossing, an intergenerational daycare program that pairs young children with older adults. “Generations Crossing was a wonderful concept,” Betsy says. “I thought, ‘I can get in on the ground floor of something.’ I love starting things from scratch.” Board member and friend Judith Trumbo says, “We were thrilled to have her passion, attention to detail and experience to jump-start the Generations Crossing program. And she lived up to her billing.” Plus, “her compassion and caring made each client and staff member feel special.” Then, in 2004, Betsy took the United Way job. “Here, I have the potential to impact the community in a bigger way,” she says. “I was excited about looking at the big picture. I didn’t know where the gaps might be.”

etsy opens the Rockingham Mutual meeting by commending the company for its past contributions. They are United Way’s seventh biggest supporter, she says, right behind larger companies like Coors Brewing Company and Cargill. Last year, Rockingham Mutual raised more than $34,000. As a speaker, Betsy is comfortable and passionate. She’s been doing this all her life.

“I am a product of social activism .. growing up in Baltimore and Richmond [in the ’60s],” Betsy says. The suburban churches she attended worked hand-in-hand with city churches to reach out to people struggling with social and racial issues. In high school, she was fascinated with learning how communities form, how different sectors interact with one another and how issues are resolved. Her career is also a reflection of her parents’ values: Her father was executive director of the Maryland Heart Association and later a regional director for the American Heart Association. Her mother volunteered in the schools and with agencies caring for people with disabilities. “I learned the role of nonprofits and the value of volunteerism early on,” Betsy says. Later, Betsy stayed involved in church work. “It was a wonderful life for me because church work is who I am,” she says. “I was raising two kids and just trying to be a good church member. Not so much as a pastor’s wife, but just for who I am.” Today, Betsy serves as an elder at Massanutten Presbyterian Church. She sings in the choir and helps lead a financial campaign. After showing the employees at Rockingham Mutual a film about the work of several United Way agencies, Betsy introduces Kim Denman, a Mercy House success story, who is speaking during the meeting today. Kim talks about her alcoholism and drug use, which started when she was 15. It landed her in a juvenile detention center, then jail, and finally, in rehab. Afterward, her probation officer put her in Mercy House, a United Way agency. When she began working at Mercy House Thrift Store, Kim started to feel better about herself. She began to make new friends. Now, she is fully self-supporting. “I give to United Way in my paycheck,” Kim says. “Thank you for helping me.” It’s people like Kim that keep Betsy doing what she does. “I think Betsy puts her faith in action by choosing jobs that work to improve the lives of others,” says Elly, now the executive director of Big Brothers Big Sisters.

ut a year ago, Betsy found that she was the one in need. Her husband of 30 years divorced her. Her first response was denial. She thought, “This is not happening to me. No way.” “It was disorienting,” she says. “You think you know who you are. Your life centers around your spouse and your family. I asked, ‘Who am I?’ ” In addition to getting counseling, Betsy leaned on her closest friends. She told the United Way board president she was in crisis and may not be functioning well. “When you go through total disruption it affects everything about your life,” Betsy says. “Sometimes it was hard to concentrate, to be productive.” Eventually, Betsy got through the worst of it. “Who I am was there all along,” she says. “I am loved by God with a love that will never go away. It frees you to be totally comfortable with yourself.” Then Betsy decided she wanted to thrive again. She found the strength to move on from the divorce. “She was absolutely devastated, but was able to grieve the loss, call on the support of friends and family and move on. Betsy takes care of herself in a way that allows her to heal and rejuvenate,” says Judith. During the worst part of her divorce journey, Betsy asked her pastor, Ann Pettitt, if there was anyone at church who had walked in her shoes. A week later, Ann suggested Carol Lown. The two became true friends. Betsy also draws on the strength of her friends as she deals with the deterioration of her mother, who is in the final stages of Alzheimer’s disease. Betsy spends Sunday afternoons visiting with her in the nursing home. She reads aloud to her from the Bible or another book. They sing hymns together. “She doesn’t talk much anymore, but when she makes eye contact with you — when she connects — her whole face gets animated,” Betsy says. “It melts me.”

etsy also finds an outlet for her stress by hitting the road — either on foot or on a bike. When a man at church announced he was organizing a bicycle team to raise money for multiple sclerosis, Betsy joined. She bought a bicycle and began riding with the group, who call

themselves the Grateful Tread. She also ran the Richmond Marathon in 2004, which helped prepare her for dealing with life’s recent challenges. She trained for and ran the 26.2 mile race with three other women. “We were committed to the success of one another throughout the entire time,” she says. “Completing a marathon taught me that, with proper preparation and support, I can do anything I put my mind to!” Betsy says running the marathon was one of the “all-time top favorite moments in my life.” In October, she watched her son run his first marathon in Baltimore. A dozen friends met her there, bringing the same cowbells they used to cheer Betsy. Betsy has kept close to her children as they’ve left home for college and career paths. Douglas, 23, graduated from Appalachian State and works for the Fulbright Scholar Program in Washington, D.C. Her daughter, Rebekah, 26, is a University of Virginia graduate who lives in Atlanta. She works for an organization that raises funds for nonprofits. “She hasn’t fallen too far from the tree,” says Betsy with a grin. Since the divorce, Betsy and her children have redefined what family is. The three of them have stuck together through it. “For a very busy woman, she finds time to travel, spend significant time with her children and maintain a devoted circle of friends,” says Judith. “That said, when I have lunch with Betsy, she gives me her complete attention. No cell phone, texting or side conversations.” Carol adds, “She is someone who cares deeply about others, whether they are family members, church members, colleagues or bike-riding buddies.” Her caring is infectious at the Rockingham Mutual meeting. Whether she’s in front of a crowd or alone with a friend, Betsy Hay is Betsy Hay. After the meeting, in the parking lot, she says, “If there’s a voice for vulnerable people at risk of being forgotten, I hope my position at United Way provides that voice.”

“If there’s a voice for vulnerable people at risk of being forgotten, I hope my position at United Way provides that voice.” — Betsy Hay

Luanne Austin is a freelance writer living in Mount Sidney.

Winter 2009

Bloom

your KIDS

Answering the Santa question adbuilder.com

ARTICLE BY RACHEL BOWMAN it was Santa,” she added, a twinkle in her eye. Her mother, my grandmother, who also lives in Broadway, shook her head and laughed. “We knew it was probably just snow falling off the roof, but you couldn’t tell [Diane] that.” Both admit it made it harder for my mom to accept that Santa wasn’t on their roof that night, or that he wasn’t a real person. Most parents probably won’t have to contend with as extreme a Santa scenario as my grandmother did. But, parents still find themselves stumped by the dreaded “Santa Question.” If they wait too long, they reason, Junior may come home in tears after being “enlightened” on the subject by his classmates. And yet, for many children, Santa is part of the storied “magic” of Christmas — why deprive children of the wonder they’ll eventually lose?

t was a cold, snowy Christmas Eve in 1958, but the snow couldn’t dampen Diane Fink’s excitement. My mother, just 6 years old at the time, knew with the certainty only young children can muster that Santa was on the way to her “To this day, Santa still Gaithersburg, Md., home. comes to visit our house.” My grandparents, Virginia — Diana Drury and Howard Dove, however, uneasily regarded their Susan Fox, a third grade teacher at Fulks Run Eldaughter’s anticipation. ementary School, occasionally gets the question from her students, and said there’s no one right way They’d asked themselves if to handle it. Sometimes, “the cowardly way” is the she chooses to go — telling them “that’s a quesshe was old enough to know way tion for our parents.” A mother herself (her children are 16 and 19), “The Truth” — that Santa Fox said mature children, or children who seem seriClaus isn’t real. ous when asking the question, won’t settle for the

Then something happened that ended any thoughts of truth-telling. As the family watched television, a newscaster interrupted the broadcast to announce Santa and his sleigh had been spotted in Rockville, Md. “Not even two minutes after that came on TV, we heard a noise on the roof that sounded like someone walking around,” recalled my mom, now 57 and living in Broadway. “I got all excited! I knew

Bloom

Winter 2009

“ask your parents” gambit. So she tells them what she told her own children when they asked: “When [you] stop believing, Santa stops coming.” To forestall tearful scenes and not-so-helpful older siblings or friends, some parents decide to tackle the Santa Question head-on. R.B. Propst of Linville credits his wife, Michele Propst, 37, for finding a way to preserve the fun of Santa and pass on their faith to their 4-year-old

daughter, Grace. Besides the usual small gifts in Grace’s stocking, the couple also includes the Baby Jesus figurine from their daughter’s Nativity set. “We set the scene up at the beginning of the season without the baby and then she puts him in on Christmas morning,” R.B. said. “We say that Santa brings the baby to remind her of the true meaning of Christmas. She really likes this and looks forward to her stocking (and finding baby Jesus) each year,” he added. And other parents, such as Diana Drury of Broadway, believe Santa is such an important part of Christmas that belief should never be banished. After someone told her then 6-year-old son, Brandon, that Santa didn’t exist, Drury enlisted a relative to encourage Brandon to keep believing. Drury said she wrote for advice to his grandmother in Tucson, Ariz., who responded with a photo and a poem written for Brandon from Santa. The poem lovingly details Santa’s love for all people, and sadness for those who don’t believe. Santa also seems to realize there will come a time Brandon won’t hold that childhood belief as strongly: “Listen, when you get big And Santa you no longer dig I’ll just visit another street For there is another little boy I need to meet.” But that’s OK, Santa continues.

“Besides, I’m not the important thing Nor are all the presents that I bring It is the birthday of the little baby Jesus That is the most important to all of us.” Brandon’s a senior at Broadway High School, but nothing’s changed, Drury said. “To this day, Santa still comes to visit our house,” she said. “We believe in the spirit of Christmas, and I’ve always told Brandon that we are a family rich in spirit.”

Rachel Bowman will turn 40 in January. She is proud to say she still believes in Santa Claus.

Aunt Iva’s legacy COLUMN BY RACHEL BOWMAN / COURTESY PHOTO

She’d shop all year, stuffing her small car (by the 1980s, a Toyota Tercel) with heavy-duty garbage bags bulging with wrapped gifts. By the time she’d unloaded the bags beneath our tree, then added Granny’s gifts, it would look as if the tree were supported by an island of shining packages. Were my siblings and I spoiled? I don’t think so. Instead of showing off her sizeable paycheck or dazzling us with the latest fad, Aunt Iva’s gifts showed that she listened to us and respected each of us as a unique person with our own interests. For me, she’d arrange visits to historical sites and find biographies and books on astronomy and history (“The Bog People,” about Iron Age bodies found in peat bogs in northern Europe, remains a treasured denizen of my bookshelf). She supplied my brother with hunting and fishing equipOur Grinch isn’t green, but she’s wearing a mischievous look and the height ment and peanut butter pies; my sister, the fashion-forof fashion for Christmas 1970 — polyester pants, a floral blouse and thick, ward one, received clothing and jewelry. I cringe to cat’s-eye glasses. Judging by the shiny wrapping paper in her think how she must have felt handling some of our hands and the other paper strewn around a tinseled interests: the Michael Jackson jackets, the music (Alcedar tree, she’s cleaning up before she retreats to her abama, Bon Jovi and Def Leppard), the parachute hideout, leaving the Whos who live in this house pants! I once asked her if she ever felt embarrassed, bereft of holiday joy. but she shook her head and told me the joy of But I smile when I see this photo, because the watching us opening our gifts made up for any woman was anything but a grinch whose heart was odd stares she got from store clerks. “three sizes too small.” My Aunt Iva had a generous “The Bog People” notwithstanding, howheart when it came to her family, and I know her heart ever, I will always be grateful for the intangible was filled with her love for me. gifts — the values and encouragement she inThe rest of the world knew her as Iva Biddinger. She stilled in me that make me feel lucky to have was my Granny’s younger sister and best friend, a woman been her niece. who married the love of her life and was widowed young. s I thank her (and Granny) for reading to a She worked most of her life in a laboratory in McLean and w e h ss nt Iva a hews. me and in front of me. The gift of literacy lived a carefree, single life in Gaithersburg, Md., where she u A r o , nd nep dinger has opened up so many amazing worlds told us of meeting politicians or grocery shopping with players Iva Bid her nieces a o t n and new ideas for me, and taught me there’s always w from the Washington Redskins. She was 36 years old when I o n k something beyond what I see before me. was born. I thank Aunt Iva for taking me to museums and encouraging my love of the But to me she was Aunt Iva, one of the coolest women in sciences. Instead of telling me, “girls don’t like that,” she delighted in each new the world. Because she and Granny were close and she liked getting out of the discovery I made and contributed to my nerdiness by introducing me to both city, we saw her a lot. I recall listening for the hum of her Volkswagon Beetle “Star Trek” and “Star Wars” and buying subscriptions to archaeology magazines. most Friday evenings during my childhood, eager to hear stories she’d tell of the I returned the favor with “Harry Potter.” dangerous bacteria she was working with or the dizzying pace of life in the D.C. I thank her for taking my siblings and me to places where we had to beMetro area. have. Wherever we went, Aunt Iva expected us to be polite and act with Aunt Iva took her work seriously, but she was just as serious about celebratclass. She also wanted to show us there was a world beyond our little country ing life. If the calendar listed a special day, be it Flag Day or Groundhog Day, community, and, like it or not, we’d have to navigate it someday. I know I she’d send cards (with a few dollar bills tucked in) to mark the occasion. If Halloween fell on a weekend, she’d leave work early to help Granny pass out caramel can go anywhere and not feel intimidated, as long as I remember my manners. I thank Aunt Iva for giving me an adventurous spirit. Most weekends, apples and bags of candy, all while dressed in a white biohazard suit to scare she’d wake early, grab breakfast at a deli, pick a direction and drive. Some of trick-or-treaters. Birthdays meant dinner out and lots of gifts. those travels yielded cool boutiques in West Virginia, while others ended in a Her Christmas celebrations, however, put all the other holidays to shame.

n every family photo album, there’s That Photo; the one that shows a relative in his or her true light, and the way you’ll always remember them. My family has That Photo, and we call it “The Grinch.”

farmer’s field. She never felt fear traveling alone, and she was prepared for any mechanical or climate problem. The journey and what she’d find was the important part, she’d always say. Really, though, all this is to say I thank her for giving me the gift of myself. Many people shape our lives, but the women in my life — my Mom, my Granny and my Aunt Iva — have made me someone I am proud to be. This gentle yet firm influence became apparent when I was 18 and just weeks from starting my freshman year at Bridgewater College. Aunt Iva invited my mom, siblings and me to her apartment (now in Dublin) for a “furnish the dorm” shop-a-thon weekend. The first foray was for us alone, and we headed to the New River Valley Mall in Christiansburg to buy clothes. I was swept along in her energetic wake, watching dazedly as she had me try on acid-wash jeans, pastel blouses and candy-colored sweaters, then whipped out her credit card to pay for everything. Arms loaded with bulging shopping bags, I finally gave in to the anxiety bubbling in my stomach. As she put the Reeboks I’d just tried on back into the box and looked for a cashier, I whispered, “This is just too much, Aunt Iva, I don’t think I deserve all this.” At that, Aunt Iva turned a sharp about-face, grabbed my shoulders and pulled me face-to-face. “Rachel, don’t you ever tell someone you don’t deserve something they give you. You ARE worth it and deserve to have nice things. When someone wants to show you how much they love you, you let

them and say ‘Thank you!’ ” she said. “Now do you still want these shoes?” “Uh, yeah,” I replied, because I really wanted them. “And thank you,” I added.

I can never hope to be just like Aunt Iva. But, it’s her loving example I follow ... Aunt Iva died in March 2003, a few days shy of 35 years after her husband. For Christmas later that year, my brother, sister and I received gifts in the mail: a peanut butter pie for my brother, and pretty coffee mugs for my sister and me. They were gifts from Aunt Iva. Mom said she’d ordered them a year before at Aunt Iva’s request, just before she became ill and had to be placed in a nursing home. She said Aunt Iva wanted to make sure we got something from her for Christmas next year. So, because of my Aunt Iva, I believe there’s no higher calling than that of being an aunt. Ideally, an aunt is the one who has the luxury to truly listen to her nieces and nephews, take in their deepest secrets and hurts, delight in their triumphs and help shape them into outstanding men and women. I’m daunted by the task, unsure if I’m able to measure up to her impossible example — but I’m joyfully trying! I am blessed to be called Aunt by five nieces and two nephews (and a little one, Wesley, who died be-

fore I ever got a chance to know him). When I watch Shaye, Jeb and Jodi organize shows from the dress-up box, I think about Aunt Iva patiently listening to my endless prattle about fossils and Civil War battles. When I admire Shanna’s exuberant artwork, I am reminded that Aunt Iva encouraged me to find opportunities to write, then saved every piece I’d ever had published. When I cry with pride at Jurni’s band concerts, I remember that Aunt Iva took pride in my accomplishments and insisted we celebrate each one. When I listen to Brianna talk about boys, I recall Aunt Iva telling one of my boy “friends” she “knew people who knew people who could make a meatball out of you” if her niece wasn’t treated properly. When I enjoy “fries-day” with Tristan, I understand the pleasure Aunt Iva must have felt sharing the simplest of activities with me. And when holidays and family milestones pass, I wistfully wonder what I would have shared with Wesley, who would have been 13 this year. I would have been his partner in adventure, his champion, holder of his secrets, his biggest cheerleader — just as I am with each niece and nephew I have. I can never hope to be just like Aunt Iva. But, it’s her loving example I follow with my own nieces and nephews. And, I think, if even one of them thinks of me with the love and esteem I feel for Aunt Iva, this will be my life’s greatest accomplishment. Rachel Bowman has received multicolored manicures and pedicures, eaten cardboard-flavored cookies with a smile and broken speed limits to get to concerts, spelling bees and plays — all out of love for her nieces and nephews.

your MONEY

The gift that gives back isto

ckp

hoto

.com

Why being charitable pays off for you COLUMN BY GANNON IRONS, FINANCIAL ADVISOR

t’s Thanksgiving time again. Like everyone else, you probably have many things in your life for which you are thankful. And you may want to show your appreciation for what you have by making a gift to a charitable organization. If you do, both you and the charitable group can come out ahead. Of course, it’s no secret that 2009 has been an unusual year for the economy, with most of us feeling the effects of the recession in one way or another. Consequently, you may believe you can’t really afford to

make charitable gifts right now. But there’s probably never been a more urgent need for these gifts, as the distressed economy has led to a decline in contributions for charities across the country. Furthermore, your charitable gift can provide you with some distinct economic advantages. Specifically, by making charitable contributions, you can gain these tax benefits: ■ You can take an immediate tax deduction. If you itemize your taxes, you can deduct your contributions to charitable organizations as long as they are “tax-qualified.” (Be sure to ask the organization if it has tax-qualified status.) Your tax deductions for charitable contributions are generally limited to 50 percent of your adjusted gross income. (If you want to claim a deduction for the 2009 tax year, you’ll need to make your contribution before Jan. 1.) ■ You can avoid capital gains taxes. If you want to support a charitable group, you’re not limited to making cash contributions — you can also donate other assets, such as stocks or real estate. If you’ve held these assets for a long time, their value may have risen considerably.

See Giving on p. 23

Winter 2009

Bloom

Giving to others for the joy of it

aren D. “Katie” May loves Christmas. She has cherished memories of spending the day with her family in Bergton, and a big part of that day was the gifts she’d receive from her parents and grandparents. But May, now 29, isn’t a child anymore. An engineer at WCAV-TV in Charlottesville, May said she has a job she likes, can pay the rent

Bloom

Winter 2009

ARTICLE BY RACHEL BOWMAN

and buy what she needs. So that’s why last Christmas, when her mother asked what she wanted, May requested she take at least a third of what she planned to spend on her and donate the money to a local charity or a relative’s bills. At first, May was worried the request had fallen on deaf ears or even hurt her mother. “[Mom] smiled and said OK, but I didn’t hear anything about it ’til about a week after Christmas,” she said. Then she received a card from her mother that included a receipt for the groceries she’d purchased for a needy family in Broadway. “I was so touched I cried,” May recalled. For many people, gifts are the epitome of the holidays. There’s something special about giving and receiving presents among family and friends who care deeply for each other. But then there are people who feel as May does, say directors from several area charity organizations. Though they cite different reasons, those folks seek out food pantries, homeless outreaches, mentoring programs and other service organizations to share good will and give gifts to people they may never meet. In return, the donors say they’ve been given a gift as well — the joy of help-

ing neighbors and the warmth that generosity without expectation often gives. Charitable organizations need help year-round, but few times seem to reveal people in need like the holidays. The community organizations served by the United Way of Harrisonburg and Rockingham County feel the stress of meeting those needs, said Executive Director Betsy Hay. Equally important to the United Way are the personal efforts of volunteers — individuals, families, office staff and classmates — who take in donations and offer personal time and services to the many programs under the community organization’s umbrella, Hay said. “I think it’s just complementary to the times we’re living in right now,” she explained. Zelda Whetzel, director of the Community Ministry Food Pantry in Bergton, said she also sees the growing need for basic food items as people from Bergton, Criders and Fulks Run visit the pantry’s location in the Bergton Recreation Center. Although donations of money and food have been plentiful, Whetzel said the food pantry spends hundreds of dollars each month to buy groceries, and the freezer they use for perishable

goods has gone bad. But she still feels blessed. People from churches, businesses and Ruritan clubs have donated office equipment and nearly 70 hours of volunteer time each month since opening earlier this year, making sure the families and individuals who need the pantry’s help get it, she said. “We meet the needs of people where they are,” she added. That’s why both the food pantry and United Way make it easy for people to give their time and tangible donations, especially during the holidays. Hay said some local families and other groups, including office or departmental staff, school groups and friends, opt to “adopt” a needy family or facility. Then, members of the group devote a block of time to perform services, refurbish facilities or buy groceries, clothing and toys. And sometimes employees have presented the service time as a Christmas gift in honor of a relative, supervisor or business owner, a gift that Hay said seems to be well received and appreciated. Whetzel said volunteers at the Bergton food pantry tell her they live by the organiza-

tion’s motto, “Neighbors Helping Neighbors,” and find their service there allows them to extend a hand of friendship and ministry farther than their individual efforts may reach. “They like the idea of being able to help someone,” she said. And helping one’s neighbor has intangible benefits no matter how much or how little you have to offer, Hay said. Many volunteers tell her that giving simply for the joy of it, with no expectation of return or words of praise from the recipient, generates warm feelings and allows them to reconnect with a simpler, meaningful life they crave, especially during the holidays. May agrees with that. This year, she said she plans to ask her aunts to skip gifts for her and spend the money on her grandmother. “There’s got to be something done around the house or something she needs, and really, I don’t need anything,” she said. “I’m OK. Someone else can use [the money] more than me right now.”

“I think [volunteering] is just complementary to the times we’re living in right now.” — Betsy Hay

Rachel Bowman is a writer for the Daily NewsRecord. Her family taught her that the best gift you can give is your love and attention.

Giving from p. 21 If you were to sell appreciated assets, you’d have to pay capital gains taxes on your profits. But if you donated these assets, you could avoid the capital gains liability while still claiming the tax deduction. ■ You can remove assets from your taxable estate. In 2010, the estate tax is repealed, but it will be back in 2011. Estate taxes can be heavy, and if your heirs aren’t prepared for them, they may have to sell assets to pay them. To possibly help avoid this problem, you may want to reduce the value of your taxable estate. One way to do this — and also receive an immediate income tax deduction — is to donate assets, such as investments and property, to a charitable group. If you want to still enjoy the benefits of these assets while you’re alive, you could transfer them to a charitable remainder trust, which would then sell them and reinvest the proceeds, out of which you could receive an income stream for life. Upon your death, the charity you have designated will receive the remainder of the trust’s assets. (To properly establish this type of trust, you’ll need to work with a qualified legal adviser.) As you can see, the old saying “when you give, you also receive” is certainly true when it comes to making charitable donations. So during this holiday season, be as generous as possible — to charitable groups and to yourself. Gannon Irons is a financial advisor with Edward Jones in Harrisonburg. For more information, call 433-4907.

Winter 2009

Bloom

istockphoto.com

your SPIRITUALITY

Soul soothing

Songs & books to ease your spirit, boost your Christmas cheer ARTICLE BY JACQUELYN WALSH

is the season to release your spirit. No, not that bottle of aged brandy you’ve been saving for a special occasion. Your soul. Instead of releasing it into the chaos of shopping malls and gift wrap, boost your spirit with some soul-easing books and tunes and stay calm amid the holiday hassle. 24

Bloom

Winter 2009

You’re probably already giving to charities, participating in food drives and lovingly thinking of each relative as you buy or make them a gift, but even the most thoughtful efforts can leave you strung out and needing some time to regroup. Although you deserve just that, without much cash left in the budget, a spa treatment or vacation is usually out of the question. But there’s a simpler way to ease the stress of the seasonal festivities. By taking some time to read a book or enjoy some music, you can continue your love for the holidays while letting go of the tension that often tags along. Knowing you need to relax is just the first step. Figuring out how to do that is a little harder. For advice on how to get back to a calm state of mind, Sallie King, professor of philosophy and religion at James Madison University, recommends books by Jon Kabat-Zinn, especially “Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body

Read a good book

and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness.” Kabat-Zinn’s works teach mindfulness, a common Buddhist theory of being present in the “here and now.” “It’s important to be in the present moment and learn how to just kind of go with it,” King says. She also recommends spiritual teacher and author Eckhart Tolle’s books. Tolle’s No. 1 New York Times bestseller “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment” uses simple language to help you focus in on yourself. These types of books can reduce the likelihood of turning into a stressed-out holiday monster. Linda Alley, director of congregational resources at Eastern Mennonite Seminary, says the resource center library has resources including CDs and DVDs that the public can check out. Alley recommends “Be Still,” a DVD that encourages contemplative prayer and reflection as a remedy to a restless, fast-paced modern world. Alley suggests searching the spirituality section of libraries and bookstores if people are looking for prayer, poetry or meditation books. Books that help you set a daily meditation schedule can help you find your center, says Alley. “I sort of do it as I go because I’m a busy person,” says Alley. “My drive to work is a meditation time. I use that as quiet time and I don’t turn the radio on.” Alley knows a young man in her congregation that says a small prayer for whatever the need is every time he stops at a red light. He may pray for the strength to stay motivated during the day or for a sick friend’s speedy recovery. By centering your mind or focusing it on someone else’s wellbeing, you can de-stress gradually during the day, ensuring that stress doesn’t build up during the season, she said. If reading a book just feels like one more thing on your to-do list, try music instead. As a general rule, any song without lyrics is likely to ease your mind. You aren’t focusing on the worries of your day and you aren’t focusing on someone else’s worries either. If you can’t stand instrumental or classical music, choose uplifting songs that amplify the

Uplifting sounds

joyfulness of the holidays, Alley says. Many stores carry spa music or soothing sounds on CD. You can also find relaxing songs or new age music online. Eckhart Tolle’s CD, “Music To Quiet The Mind,” is sequenced to ground and calm you, King says. A compilation of sacred chants, musicians and composers as well as sounds of a Tibetan flutist help convey what Tolle strives to elicit in people: experiencing the liberty and beauty of the “now.”

“My drive to work is a meditation time, I use that as quiet time and I don’t turn the radio on.” — Linda Alley CDs that have someone reading a poem or singing a song can be calming as well, says Alley. Instrumental and classical music has a soothing effect that connects to our natural body rhythms, our heartbeat and the flow of our blood, she adds. One of the most important — and easiest — ways to lessen stress is to simplify. Wendy Miller, assistant professor of spiritual formation at Eastern Mennonite Seminary, has five grown children and lots of experience with holiday stress. Her secret to a more calming holiday has developed throughout the years. “We began gradually to simplify,” says Miller, 71. “We’re always working towards simplifying how much money we spend and simplifying the madness that begins to latch hold of people during the holidays.” Miller’s family used to organize a “name list” so that

Changing your state of mind

each person only brought one gift for one person at Christmas. But even then, Miller says she was beginning to notice that when she went to the mall something else took over her, and she started to question how the many advertisements and store arrangements are designed to make you buy more and more. After some research, Miller thought to herself “Who’s really in charge here?” “So instead of dragging our feet toward shopping, we thought, ‘How would it be, if instead of giving to each other, we [asked] who can we give to?’ ” says Miller, whose family now makes donations to global aid organization Heifer International instead of buying Christmas gifts. Alley says she would tell any busy, stressedout mom to “think about your own memories, what things do you remember that were most meaningful for your childhood? Try to give that to your own kids.” It’s usually not the gifts under the tree you remember but the gifts that somebody made or a gathering or family tradition, Alley says. “If [a mom is] trying to have this huge holiday and do it all, she should think about what memories are most meaningful to her and focus on them.” Jacquelyn Walsh is a reporter for the Daily News-Record. Her stress-free music for the holidays is “Alvin and the Chipmunks” Christmas songs.

Winter 2009

Bloom

your HEALTH

Outsmart the holiday hurricane

istockphoto.com

Four steps to a calm and happy Christmas season COLUMN BY CHRISTINA KUNKLE, CERTIFIED LIFE AND WELLNESS COACH, R.N.

e honest — Do you feel stressed and overwhelmed this time of year? Wish you had one of those “easy buttons” as the holiday season approaches? 26

Bloom

Winter 2009

Sometimes I do! Just think … in an instant you could decorate your home, get the shopping and wrapping done, stock your kitchen with all the ingredients needed to make your favorite Christmas goodies,

and still be available to do the little extras for everyone who needs your help. (Of course, all while getting plenty of rest, staying in your exercise routine and feeling nothing but calm and cheerful.)

I know what you’re thinking — in your dreams, Christina! Well, you’re right, this scenario would only exist there, as no magic “easy button” exists to help us manage the stress and high expectations that we tend to create for ourselves around the holidays. Even though it’s supposed to be “the most wonderful time of year,” too often we let the endless demands on our physical and emotional energy turn it into “the most stressful time of year!” I’ve pushed myself past the point of exhaustion before with a non-stop approach to getting ready, only to end up sick instead of enjoying time with my friends and family. This year I’ve challenged myself to address holiday stress by putting it to good use. I’ve been asking and listening for answers to the question “So what would a more resilient approach look like?” I don’t want to end up sick again, and knowing the definition of insanity, which is doing the same thing again and again but expecting different results, I know I must take new actions to enjoy the energy, happiness and health I do want. To achieve a focused yet relaxed holiday mindset, it’s essential to connect with your inner strength and guidance, getting crystal clear about what you really want. There’s an energy mismatch when we don’t take enough time to decide who we want to be before we jump into action on what we think we should do. This can mean the difference between experiencing joy or being overwhelmed. Joy comes from being in alignment with our deepest values and being overwhelmed is the result of working hard

without a plan and draining tons of energy, which is extremely stressful! I challenge you to join me in a more resilient strategy, so we can “outsmart stress” together. Are you in? Awesome! Let’s get going … A mission statement helps us cut through the clutter of everyday activities and set passionate intentions that represent the best within us. We use it to stay inspired and to remember what’s important — not to impress anyone else. This approach toughens your mindset by disciplining it to focus on taking inspired actions. What a great way to enjoy the holidays by design instead of surviving it by default! An undisciplined mind tends to be anxious, dwelling on problems and things that bother you. Clear intentions keep the focus on finding solutions to problems, and can provide valuable guidance. For instance, when making decisions about how to spend your time, energy and money, you can ask “Will this choice take me closer to or further away from my mission?” Here are two examples. (Tip: Whether you’re creating a personal or a family statement, write it as a short, positive statement in the present tense.) Personal: “I commit to doing whatever it takes to stay happy, healthy and strong during the busy holiday season. I will look for a way to plant the seeds of happiness by being a blessing to at least one

Create a holiday mission statement

other person every day. I will laugh a lot, show extra patience and remind myself to stay positive. I’ll help bring joy to a family in need this Christmas by working with Garth and the kids to provide warm clothing and essentials.” Family: “As a family we intend to stay happy, healthy and strong during the busy holiday season. Each of us will look for a way to plant the seeds of happiness by being a blessing to at least one other person every day. We will laugh a lot, show extra patience and remind each other to stay positive. As a Christmas project, we’ll work together in supporting a family in need identified by the Salvation Army.” If I’m feeling tired and needing an afternoon pick-me-up, my commitment to staying healthy will encourage me to enjoy a hot cup of tea followed by a short nap rather than digging into the warm pan of brownies calling my name from the kitchen! Or, if I’m waiting forever in a check-out line only to be greeted by a grumpy sales clerk, I’ll try to make her smile instead of getting offended. After all, how other people act is always about them. Using this tool also helps us stay accountable for the traditions we’re creating with our children. They’ll get into the habit of helping when they see firsthand that “Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.” — Charles M. Schulz

See Hurricane on p. 34

Winter 2009

Bloom

Family-style fitness 28

Bloom

Winter 2009

Families take to the ski slopes at Massanutten Resort.

your FITNESS

Get off the couch and head outdoors to make some holiday memories ARTICLE BY KATE ELIZABETH QUERAM / FILE PHOTOGRAPHY

a new tradition by helping your uring the holiday family stay active throughout the season, with children, season. The Valley offers tons of siblings, grandparents, inexpensive and fun outdoor aunts and uncles congregating at activities that can help you burn your home, it can be tempting to off the calories in those candy hunker down with hot chocolate, canes and fruitcakes — or help you cookies and DVDs of “It’s a work up an appetite for even more. Wonderful Life” and “A Christmas See Family on p. 33 Story.” This year, consider starting

Winter 2009

Bloom

Just say no to holiday calorie overload spend. But spending those calories ou may notice a little extra doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t mean you need to sweat for around your midriff as the hours at the gym. You can continue holiday season ends, a sort your holiday activities to balance out your sweets, or you may just think twice of savings account filled with cookies, before chowing down after you realize pie, turkey and casseroles. According to the American Council on Exercise, that that piece of fudge means shoveling your walkway for 30 the average person consumes 3,000 minutes. So, to ensure you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to calories and 229 grams of fat on exchange those new jeans you just got Thanksgiving Day alone. Although savings accounts are usually a great for a larger size, follow this guide to have fun while burning those calories. investment, this is one you want to

Bloom

Winter 2009

ARTICLE BY JACQUELYN WALSH

If you eat this ...

Do this to burn it off ...

70 calories

Snowball fight for 30 minutes

= File photo

250 calories

Wrap 20 gifts Images by adbuilder.com

150 calories

250 calories

Go sledding for an hour File photo

Winter 2009

Bloom

If you eat this ... 70 calories

Do this to burn it off ... 70 calories

= File photo

70 calories

Read “The Night Before Christmas” three times and sing 10 carols

= File photo

930 calories!

Images by adbuilder.com

Bloom

Winter 2009

+ istockphoto.com

File photo

Shovel your driveway (and your neighbor’s) Knit 3 gifts, give 12 kisses, iceskate for 30 minutes, cut down and decorate a tree

Family from p. 29 The first step, according to Kimberly Durden, a certified personal trainer at the RMH Wellness Center in Harrisonburg, is not to think of any family outing as exercise, per se. Although any of the activities listed here will get your heart rate up, they’ll also make you laugh, help bring your family together and, most importantly, help you have a little fun during the hectic holiday season. “I think the whole thing that people need to wrap their brain around is that activity, period, is good,” she said. “You don’t need to be jogging to get exercise.” To find a fun group activity, Durden recommended looking no further than the mountains and hills surrounding the Valley. “Right here in the Valley one of the best things we have available is the mountain area,” she said. “The kids and I, my husband, all of us love to go to Massanutten [Resort] — skiing and snowboarding … that is one of the best things we’ve ever done because you go up together, you laugh, you ride the lift together and have some talking time, but you’re active coming down.” Snow enthusiasts at Massanutten can also fly down the slopes on inflatable rubber tubes; a fun and less skill-oriented alternative to skiing. Ticket prices for skiing, snowboarding and tubing vary; to peruse the options, visit www.massresort.com or call 289-4954.

Even something as simple as an hour spent sledding can bring a family closer together.

For a less extreme winter activity, Durden recommended trekking to the top of a local hill and trying your hand at sledding, which she said is fun for all ages. “Even college kids like to do that,” she said. “It’s exercise walking back to the top of the hill every time, trekking through snow.” For a more literal trek, try hiking, advised Josh Spaid, assistant general manager of Gold’s Gym in Harrisonburg. Skyline Drive in Shenandoah National Park offers both long and short hikes for people of all abilities, which Spaid said is a rewarding activity regardless of the weather. “It’s something that everyone can do,” he said. “It’s just gorgeous, and whether the leaves are on or the leaves are off, it’s still getting out, interacting with

nature, and it’s pretty to see the Valley.” For more information about local hiking, visit www.shenandoah.national-park.com/hike.htm. If braving the cold seems unappealing, consider an indoor activity, such as bowling. “They can put the bumpers up for the kids so everyone can participate,” Spaid said. And if you’re interested in staying active but would rather do it at home, consider investing in a Nintendo Wii video game console, which boasts a variety of games guaranteed to get your family up and moving. Spaid owns a Wii and recently purchased “Wii Sports Resort,” a game offering a handful of different “sports” for players to try. “It’s great. The premise on it is that all the little Wii characters are on an island, and there’s 12 to 16 different activities, from shooting the basketball, table tennis … you’re still moving around. I was going for half an hour today, and I was sweating like crazy. They have other stuff, but those are the fun ones — something that you can do inside.” Whether your family activity of choice takes place outdoors or inside, the most important thing is to make sure everyone’s active — and having a good time, according to Durden. “It’s push a little here, have a little fun here,” she said. Kate Elizabeth Queram is a reporter for The Daily News-Record. This holiday season, she is most excited to exercise her passport.

Winter 2009

Bloom

Hurricane from p. 27 There are constant reminders that Christmas is the next big event on the calendar. My 3-year-old is already saying “Mommy, I want that” during each dazzling commercial that offers the hottest must-have toy — a great example of how marketing pressures us to lose sight of what Christmas is all about, keeping the focus on outside possessions instead of the real gifts our spirits are meant to receive on the inside! I couldn’t agree more that “The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.” — Burton Hillis With this in mind, let’s go from our head down into our heart and choose gifts that reflect the value of creating joyful memories with friends and family. These gifts are personal in nature, which everyone is thrilled to receive. The best part is creating memories that usually cost very little. When choosing gifts, it comes in handy to know your mission, because it promotes using your talents and strengths to make a contribution. It’s a real blessing to offer gifts of time and love to those on your list, and there’s great joy when others feel seen, heard and supported. So what might gifts like this look like? For a child who loves a certain musician, instead of buying a CD — get tickets to attend a live

Give sincere Christmas ‘presence’

Bloom

Winter 2009

concert with them. ■ For someone who is struggling to cope with an illness — give them the gift of inspiration, positive encouragement and your willingness to listen. ■ For an elderly neighbor — give them the gift of a warm meal and help decorating the Christmas tree. ■ For a busy mom overwhelmed with trying to balance work and life — the gift of a manicure and pedicure while you take over the evening routine with the kids. ■ Family favorites — Handmade coupons for back rubs, doing chores, playing games or a night off from fixing dinner. ■ For someone who has wronged you — the gift of forgiveness is priceless (for both of you)! ■ For anyone and everyone — the gift of gratitude! Melody Beattie helps us grasp how powerful this is: “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” Remember to take a break and allow yourself to be pampered. Make sure other members of the family understand how important your downtime is to preserving your well-being. But if they won’t help

Take exceptional care

you get it, find your own way. You can’t give to others what you don’t have, so you can’t run on empty! A nap, bubble bath or just chilling out with a favorite book for a few minutes can be very relaxing. You’ll be refreshed and ready to go again in no time! ■ Make preparations a team effort, allowing everyone to pitch in and then share the satisfaction of pulling a project together. ■ Stay healthy! This will allow you to enjoy the festivities and make it less likely you’ll be flat in bed with the flu by Christmas day. Give your immune system a boost by taking a high quality supplement with extra B vitamins to support you during times of extra stress. ■ Energize! Movement is great for reducing stress. Even shopping is exercise, so when you visit the mall park further away than you really have to. Make yourself go up or down a few hills or steps. Walk up the stairs. You’ll burn off calories and relieve tension at the same time. ■ Make time to enjoy your friends. Eat, sleep and be merry — the extra endorphins will kick in and help you stay positive. ■ Breathe to stay inspired! Inspiration means “spirit within.” Your breath is the connection to spirit, which is also a great way to stay connected to your mission statement. Above all, accept the responsibility to take gentle care of YOU! If it makes you feel guilty, remember others will benefit from you being relaxed and happy. Plus you’ll be a lot more fun

for them to be around! Here you receive the payoff for taking time to decide what’s important. Now your action is focused, in alignment with your values, and less draining because you’re working smarter, not harder. Get the hang of leveraging your time and watch your stress shift! Here are a few practical tips: ■ Time block — Instead of putting pressure on yourself to tackle big projects like cleaning the house or gift wrapping all at once, set the timer for 20 or 30 minutes and consider yourself finished for that block of time. This way, your task becomes much less overwhelming. ■ Batch tasks — Group similar tasks like shopping, errands and preparing foods whenever possible. Chances are you have a signature dish that is requested by friends and family. Could you make multiple batches at once to save time and energy? ■ Decorate simply — Consider bringing the outside in — a few wellplaced holly leaves, pinecones and evergreen with candles mixed in can make a beautiful centerpiece. Kids also love to create their own decorations and display

Leverage time and energy

special artwork! ■ Prepare ahead — Christmas usually means a house full of hungry guests at various points throughout the season. It reduces stress to be prepared. Consider freezing comfort food like stews, soups and cakes that you can defrost or heat up in the microwave when friends drop by. I encourage you to celebrate even small steps taken to escape the holiday hurricane better than you have in the past. “Celebration of your achievement is as important as your achievement because success builds on success.” — John Powers. Savor the momentum of being in an upward spiral. Can you hear it? 2010 is knocking on your door and it holds many gifts for you. By using a resilient strategy to outsmart stress, you’ll be happy, healthy and ready to greet it! Christina Kunkle is a CTA Certified Life and Wellness Coach, R.N. and founder of Synergy Life and Wellness Coaching. She helps busy women prevent burnout by promoting bounce-back resilience to stay focused, positive and excited about the challenges of work and life. For more information, visit www.synergylifeandwellnesscoaching.com or call (540) 746-5206.

Shops from p. 13 Wheelbarger, 62, enjoys going to product shows to see what’s new for Christmas and to decide what to stock the store with. When picking out items, Wheelbarger and his wife, Dena, gravitate toward the countrystyle decorations. “We like the country stuff that matches the Valley, not so much the whimsical items,” says Wheelbarger. He also noticed that ornaments this year are trending toward old-fashioned, simple Christmas decorations like red and green ball ornaments. For Semans, she can also rely on Santas and angels to be the top sellers. “You got your

Holiday trends

golf Santa, your motorcycle Santa. People will pick up these themed Santas depending on what activity the person they give it to is interested in,” she says. Whether it’s providing Christmas staples or a one-of-akind gift, the Christmas hustle and bustle is fun for those behind the counter. “At Christmas, it can be kind of a rush, but a lot of people are in a happy mood during Christmas time,” says Wheelbarger.

“We like the country stuff that matches the Valley ... ” — Sam Wheelbarger

Jacquelyn Walsh is a reporter with the Daily News-Record. She often plans year-round about what gifts to buy, but as a gift procrastinator, rarely buys until right before the holiday.

Winter 2009

Bloom

your HOME

What’s your Christmas style?

adbuilder.com

hen it’s time to deck the halls and trim the tree, what’s your go-to decoration style? Do you dust off the antique ornaments handed down from your grandmother? Do you adorn your pink aluminum tree with twinkling gold lights and shiny pink ornaments? Or do you cut down a fresh pine tree and

Bloom

Winter 2009

decorate it with popcorn garlands and gingham bows? To discover what your decorating preferences say about you — and what your style really is — take this quiz. Whether you’ve had the same decorating aesthetic for years or are about to string lights in your first apartment, it’ll give you some insight to your decorating personality — and tips on how to embrace it more fully.

ARTICLE AND QUIZ BY KATE ELIZABETH QUERAM

Traditional, country or contemporary —

How should your Christmas look? Your Christmas stockings: A) Were hand-knitted by your great-grandmother and have been handed down for generations. B) Are checked with a muted gingham pattern and have an edge of lace around the top. C) Are big, boxy and a bold color. The ornaments on your tree: A) Are mostly handmade by the kids in your family, mixed in with some Santas and snow globes. B) Are mostly earth-toned and look like antiques: wooden or hand-carved. C) Solid-colored shiny orbs, all in the same color.

When it comes to wrapping presents, you: A) Use shiny paper in traditional Christmas colors — red, green, silver and gold. B) Stick to matte paper in shades of brown, cream and gold, and accessorize with hand-tied ribbon or twine. C) Buy solid paper in bright, bold colors and stick to minimal accessories. No ribbons or busy nametags. To decorate the outside of your house, you: A) Use mostly colored twinkle lights, with a few strands of large colored bulbs mixed in. It’s what

your parents did. B) Stick to white lights and use fresh holly boughs and wreaths as accents. You might throw in a silhouetted reindeer. C) Aim green and red floodlights on different sections of your house, and shine a seasonal image onto your garage door using a light projector.

The wreath on your front door is: A) Made of real greenery, with holly berries and a red bow. B) Fabric, in muted colors, maybe with an angel near the bottom. C) Aluminum, in a sparkly solid color — pink or white, perhaps.

adbuilder.com

Winter 2009

Bloom

IF YOU PICKED MOSTLY … As: Your style is TRADITIONAL “When I think of traditional, I think of what’s been in your family a long time,” said Bonnie Semans, manager of The Christmas Gallery in New Market. “And not changing the style of how we decorated outside 20 years ago.” For decorative purposes, this means you’re influenced largely by what your family did while you were growing up. Traditions vary by family and region, but according to Semans, most traditionalists will favor colored lights, handmade or heirloom ornaments and typical Christmas color schemes, including, of course, red and green. This year, try adding your own touches to the traditions you’ve inherited. Introduce a new color of Christ-

Bloom

Winter 2009

mas stocking for a younger member of the family, create your own ornament to add to your heirloom collection or purchase a new decoration for your lawn. The traditional style is all about you, Semans said, so anything goes.

Bs: Your style is COUNTRY “Country’s more rustic,” said Lynne Hess, owner of Hess Greenhouse in Harrisonburg. “When you go into the country style, you’re looking at — rustic is the best word. The trees are usually a little bit different. It’s just a more downhome style.” Inside, decorations will reflect a more natural aesthetic, Hess said, utilizing pine cones, twigs and greenery. Trees will usually be decorated with white lights, cranberry and popcorn garlands or gingham bows, Semans said, and the theme is more easily carried out throughout the

entire house as opposed to one room. “Some people … want the whole house to be the same, and so every room, the bathroom included, would be whatever style they’re picking. I think that’s especially true of people who pick a country style. Usually it’s a home that’s already country in flavor,” she said. To expand on the country style of decoration, try wrapping your presents in plain brown paper and accenting with twine, rope or hot-glued pine cones, Semans said.

Cs: Your style is CONTEMPORARY Shiny aluminum Christmas trees in shades of pink, silver and white; dangling multicolored icicle lights; bold, solid-colored wrapping paper with minimal accessories — the contemporary holiday décor is definitely not your grandmother’s Christmas scheme. “I think that’s when they go in and do lime green trees and chartreuse trees,” Hess said of the style. “I think you’re looking at newer, more modern colors.” Most contemporary holiday decorating schemes are organized around one or two colors — blue and white, for example, or pink and gold, Semans said. In the New Market shop she manages, the best example of a contemporary dec-

oration is a bright purple Christmas tree dotted with Elvis ornaments, she said. “In other words, you’re not trying to make a color statement, you’re not trying to do a specific theme,” she said. To embrace the contemporary holiday décor, remember less is more. Your tree should have ornaments all the same color or shape, and gifts should be wrapped cleanly and simply, Semans said. And of course, rememImages by istockphoto.com ber that color is the unifying ingredient. “I would say the color part of it is key,” Hess said. Kate Elizabeth Queram is a reporter with The Daily NewsRecord. Her dad has always loved big colored Christmas light bulbs and her mom is into handmade Santas. This is important to her, so she’s probably a traditionalist.

Winter 2009

Bloom

Artful wrapping ARTICLE BY KATE ELIZABETH QUERAM / COURTESY PHOTOS

ay Stewart’s inspiration for homemade holiday wrapping paper came from the unlikeliest of places — folk singer Pete Seeger.

“It was in an old video from the ’60s or ’70s, and it showed his kids making wrapping paper and what it meant to the children and what it meant to the people opening the presents to have homemade wrapping paper,” said Stewart, 41, of Bergton. “And I thought, ‘I can do this!’ ” That was last fall, and Stewart’s been crafting her own paper for birthdays and holidays ever since. This year, all of the presents under Stewart’s Christmas tree will be adorned with her handiwork — no small task, since each piece of hand-painted gift wrap has to dry for at least six hours, and she never makes it ahead of time.

Bloom

Winter 2009

“I always do it one at a time with a specific person in mind,” she said. Though stores offer a plethora of ready-made holiday wrapping paper, creating your own is an easy and inexpensive way to individualize each gift for its recipient, Stewart said. For her, the process begins with plain brown craft paper and non-toxic tempura paints, both of which can be purchased at most arts-and-crafts supply stores. “I use sponges and paintbrushes and … just start dabbing colors, and kind of fold the paper around and smoosh it all together to make it abstract and smooth,” Stewart said. “I ... put on some music and just kind of go with where the music takes me.” Sometimes, Stewart incorporates the gift recipient’s name into the paper’s actual design, but more often, she wraps the finished product in store-bought ribbon and affixes an extra piece as a name tag. If making your own gift wrap sounds too time-intensive, using storebought elements in creative ways is an excellent alternative, according to Brenda Whitmore, manager of Ben Franklin Crafts & Variety in Broadway. Whitmore prefers to wrap gifts in the store’s plain brown paper and then

Embellish It

adorn them with handmade bows or plain raffia ties, she said. To individualize the wrapped packages, Whitmore will sometimes add Christmas ornaments or other small objects to the bow — wooden spoons if it’s a gift for newlyweds, or a bookmark when the gift is a book, for example. “It’s fun. It makes it look pretty and it’s like an extra little gift,” she said. And whether it’s homemade paper or just small individual touches, the extra effort is almost always appreciated by the gifts’ recipients, Stewart said. “They take their time unwrapping it because they don’t want to tear it, which is funny, because everybody throws away wrapping paper anyway, so it’s like, ‘Just tear the thing,’ ” she said, laughing. “Gift giving’s personal, so it makes it more personal for me to make the paper.” Kate Elizabeth Queram is a reporter for the Daily News-Record. She usually steals her wrapping paper from her mom’s basement.

Kay Stewart creates unique wrapping paper for each gift she gives. “I always do it one at a time with a specific person in mind,” she said.

Winter 2009

Bloom

your KITCHEN

Tired of making the same old cookies? Try creating a variety of wonton cups filled with anything from goat cheese to guacamole.

Wow â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;em with wontons

Skip the sweets and craft an array of savory treats for your next party COLUMN BY ABBY SCHWEBER / PHOTO ILLUSTRATIONS BY NIKKI FOX

religious celebrations, come with long-standing he end of the year brings us to traditions, but this season also brings a plethora of the season of sociability, filled with feasts, opportunities to meet with frivolity and festivities. The friends or colleagues for a major ones, like Thanksgiving drink or two (or three) and a bite or 20 (or 30). dinner and the various 42

Bloom

Winter 2009

The custom of sharing drinks and small bits of food with friends is practiced in many different cultures. While some countries — Britain, China and Japan — pair tea with small meals, it is far more common for this custom to involve alcoholic beverages, and the variety of foods designed to be eaten in this manner is truly staggering. The Middle Eastern versions of these foods are called mezze, and can be found in both homes and restaurants everywhere from Greece and Bulgaria to Egypt and Iran. Some dishes are common to all these cultures, like hummus, baba ganoush (a dip made from pureed eggplant) and dolma (stuffed grape leaves), though the latter come with different fillings in different places. Another common dish is kofte, which is usually what we would call a meatball, but can also be made with either fish or vegetables. Turkish mezze include things like stuffed peppers, cold cheeses and vegetables like eggplant and artichoke, all served with raki; in Greece, cold seafood dishes, olives, fried or grilled cheeses, and salads are enjoyed with ouzo; while Israelis, Palestinians and Egyptians argue endlessly about which

of them invented the mezze known as falafel, the highly popular, crunchy ball of fried, spiced chickpea flour, to which the traditional accompaniment is an anise-flavored liquor called arak. The Spanish incarnation is called tapas, which literally means cover. The original tapas were slices of bread, placed on top of patron’s glasses in bars to keep the flies out of their sherry. Throughout the years, bar owners added toppings to the bread, and a new style of eating was born. The original tapas still exist, as I discovered in a tiny, out-of-the-way restaurant one hot day in Barcelona when I’d been walking for too long and couldn’t be bothered to find a restaurant with an English menu. I couldn’t make heads or tails out of the Spanish menu and the waitress didn’t speak a word of English, so she went back into the kitchen and came out with a large tray covered with slices of bread with at

least a dozen different toppings. I picked out the ones I wanted and had a delicious meal. On the way out, I noticed that, while the tapas weren’t on the regular menu (I would have recognized that word!), everyone seated at the bar had a plateful. That little restaurant was typical in that, today, tapas are served on little plates rather than on wine glasses, but they have gone far beyond the basic form of topped bread. At a proper tapas restaurant, they serve almost anything, from a simple plate of olives to a classic omelet or a serving of richly flavored stewed game meat. The only rule is that each serving must be small enough that you can eat several, and the beverages are more likely to be cava or sangria than sherry. In Japan, there is no special word for bar food, but a bar that serves little plates of food along with drinks is called an izakaya, and there are dishes

For approximately six weeks every year ... American parties became savory-deficient.

that are considered to be exclusively izakaya food. Izakaya cover the spectrum from high-end luxury to simple fare. At some of the better establishments, where the drinks menus are so extensive they have to be separately bound (in exquisite, embossed leather, of course), an order of sashimi requires a visit to the fish tank to select the unfortunate creature who will be sliced for your dining pleasure, and I’ve seen plates of delicacies lightly sprinkled with real gold dust. The cheapest ones serve nothing but beer, a cheap liquor called shochu, rice balls and yakitori: bits of chicken, skewered, sauced and grilled to order. In America, we have the cocktail party, invented during the era of Prohibition as the unexpected offspring of the unlikely pairing of the speakeasy with improvements in modern, industrial canning technology. Before the 1920s, most Americans who drank alcohol, drank it in the form of wine, but with Prohibition, hard liquor was both easier to make yourself and provided more bang for the buck for smugglers. To attract customers unused to the strong flavor of hard liquor, and particularly the poor

Winter 2009

Bloom

quality of cheap liquor that was most easily accessible, the speakeasies invented new kinds of cocktails, including a wide variety of fruit flavored drinks, popular among women customers. Meanwhile, companies that had invested in canning technologies to provide food for the soldiers during World War I, in the post-war boom era began producing higher quality goods for the consumer market, including gourmet treats like salmon, smoked oysters, anchovies and olives. Fancy finger food with fancy fruity drinks (made with homemade bathtub gin) produced the cocktail party. Characteristic of all of these is the dominance of savory foods, with sweets playing a minor role. However, somewhere along the line, something went wrong. Not all the time, mind you. Just around the winter holiday season. For approximately six weeks every year, from Thanksgiving through New Year’s, American parties became savory-deficient. Christmas cookies and tortes and brownies and rum balls, pfeffernuese and busch de noel, figgy puddings and fruitcake and gingerbread. Each wonderful on their own,

Bloom

Winter 2009

but en masse? These things become, not special treats to top off a meal or an indulgent afternoon bite, but the dominant menu items in an orgy of sugar consumption. The occasional platter of veggies or hunk of cheese gets lost in the cornucopia of cacao and sucrose. The only fruits that dare make an appearance are dipped in chocolate or drenched in rum or brandy. Be honest. How many times have you promised yourself you would only have a few bites and found yourself, hours later, enduring the sugar rush and wishing for more willpower and thinner thighs? In the past, I have fought back with phyllo. My friends have come to expect a platter of savory, flaky, buttery pastries. Just enough fat and flavor to feel festive, but still pretty healthy. After all, a triangle of phyllo filled with goat cheese, herbs and

mushrooms or spinach includes a complex carbohydrate, a protein and multiple vegetables, and while you really need to use butter to give the shell the proper crunch, it doesn’t take much. They even carry a certain exotic flair if you refer to them by their mezze name of bourekas. On a table full of sweets, they stand out from the crowd and never last long. But, let’s face it: phyllo is finicky, fiddly stuff. The delicate sheets tear easily, wrapping them is time consuming, and then there are the logistics of getting them to the party still hot. So this year, I’m trying something new. Wonton cups. Quick and easy to make, with only two ingredients, made with healthier olive oil instead of butter, and best of all, you can make them in advance and fill them at the last minute.

[I] have fought back with phyllo. My friends have come to expect a platter of savory, flaky, buttery pastries.

Wonton Cups You’ll need: A package of wonton wrappers (available at the Asian market behind Taste of Thai) Olive oil (I’m sure other oils would work as well, but this is what I’ve used) A muffin tin (I find the 2-inch medium-sized ones work best) A basting brush Brush olive oil onto one side of a wonton wrapper, then press the wonton wrapper, oiled side down, into one of the pockets of the muffin tin. When the tin is full, bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes or until lightly browned. That’s it. You can make perfect shapes by carefully pleating the sides of the wonton skins or just mush them in; they work equally well either way. Just be careful with your fingernails to avoid leaving holes. The beauty of these is that they can be filled with just about anything. Use your imagination, or try one of the following suggestions: ■ For kids, use tuna or egg salad. ■ If you need something quick, all you need is a spoonful of hummus, guacamole or goat cheese, garnished with cherry tomato, black olive or a

sprig of fresh herbs. Or a dollop of cream cheese or crème fraiche with a bit of smoked salmon and a sprig of dill. When you have a bit more time to get fancy, try one or more of these: ■ A Mexican inspired salad of black beans, corn kernels, chopped red bell pepper and coriander and/or parsley, with a lime vinaigrette ■ For an Asian flavor, brown any kind of ground meat, mix it with soy sauce, sesame oil, chopped spring onions and briefly sautéed garlic and ginger ■ Roughly chopped, cooked and peeled shrimp, tossed with cocktail sauce ■ Mix some pesto into chopped tomatoes and mozzarella for a canapé-sized caprese salad ■ Roasted pumpkin or squash mixed with crumbled feta and chopped walnuts ■ An Indian raita, made with finely chopped onion, diced cucumber, yogurt and mint ■ Curried chickpeas, also Indian, made by briefly sautéing ginger and garlic, then adding curry powder, well-rinsed canned chickpeas and chopped tomato, and cooking until the tomato starts to wilt (this could even be combined with the raita) Abby Schweber is an assistant professor of world history at James Madison University. She has been a traveler since the age of 2, but didn’t discover her love of cooking and all things food-related until a few years later.

When creating your wonton cups, gently fold the square wrappers in and overlap (left), using a small amount of olive oil to help hold them in place. Ready for a challenge? Crimp the wrappers in four places to create an elegant Asian-inspired lotus flower (right).

Winter 2009

Bloom

How I became a ‘yes’ woman

COLUMN BY HEATHER BOWSER

leven months ago, a brochure, tap shoes and a Jim Carrey movie altered the path of my life. It all started one rainy Saturday afternoon last December. I was chillaxing on the couch, slurping down a stiff dose of television when something hit me: More than seven hours had passed since my TV rampage began and I hadn’t budged an inch. Wearing my pjs and flanked by my two 15-pound cats, I had remained motionless, wrapped in a blanket made of old T-shirts. “I need to pee and I’m hungry,” I thought to myself. “I hope I can get up. I can’t feel my legs.” With great effort, I rolled over the snoozing kitties and slid off the sofa. After the pit stop, I paused in the kitchen for popcorn. While I waited for the microwave to finish, I leaned on the table and fumbled through the junk mail. There, swimming in a pile of credit card offers, was the winter Parks & Rec activities guide. I flipped it open and turned to the dance class section. I knew that my childhood friend, Jimmy, taught Adult Tap but I’d never taken a class from him because I was too scared to try something so foreign. Oddly, at that exact moment, a movie came to my mind. A few days before, I watched “Yes Man,” starring Jim Carrey, with one of my co-workers. The film is about this guy who decides to say “yes” to everything. He ends up trying all kinds of new things and he’s happier because of it. The microwave beeped. With the activity guide in hand, I turned off the tube. “To heck with this,” I thought. “If he can do it, I can do it. I’m taking the class.” Before I could change my mind, I pulled on jeans, grabbed an umbrella and climbed into the car.

Bloom

Winter 2009

A store in the Staunton Mall sold tap shoes and it would be open for another hour. I could just make it. About $70 later, I was on a new course in my life. In April, I survived my first dance recital and it felt amazing. Armed with courage, my thirst for new experiences seemed unquenchable.

Should you decide to join me on a stroll down Yes Lane, please be careful. Since that day, I joined a soccer team at EMU and auditioned for a play at BRCC. I learned to play tennis with the other reporters and ping-pong with my college friend. I cooked my first roast. I drove to Nashville by myself — twice. I taste-tested feta cheese, pierogies and the chili at Wendy’s. I got my first pedicure, hitchhiked and came face-to-face with a bear in the woods. I conducted my first social experiment, called The Secret Garden, and organized my entire 10-year high school reunion by myself. And I’m far from finished. As you may have read in the DN-R, I’m on a mission to complete 30 new things during my 30th year. I’ll hit the big threeoh next November and I plan to tackle even more first-time adventures than I did this year. My editors for Bloom selected a special assignment just for this publication. Let’s just say, they unearthed my biggest fear of all — dating. (They’re out to kill me, I swear.) So, before I die of possible heartache, I’d like to pass on a bit of advice. Should you decide to join me on a stroll down Yes Lane, please be careful. My journey was full of extreme highs and lows. I pulled nearly every muscle in my body during

my dance class. Playing soccer, I broke my ankle, stubbed my toe and bruised my knee. I lost several of my friend’s tennis balls on the roof of the DN-R building after I attempted “racket ball” with myself. I don’t have any room in my closet because it’s now packed with expensive tap shoes, recital costumes, soccer cleats, shin guards and tennis rackets. For the first time in my life, I have deliberately tasted fear, failure and public humiliation on a regular basis. I was the slowest person on my soccer team, often outrun by women 15 years older than me. I wore a spandex dance costume in front of 1,200 people, a mortifying experience for someone of my size. I really did think I was going to be attacked by a bear. I’ve already developed an incredible crush on a guy from church and the mere thought of being rejected by him ties my stomach in knots. Nevertheless, the journey down The Road Less Traveled has made all the difference. Each time I stepped off my own path and into the darkness of the unknown, I found that the road ahead was just as bright, if not brighter, than the place I started. I made dozens of new friends from all over the city and I stockpiled enough stories about my experiences to fill a newspaper. Although I’m still scared to do new things — I’m human, after all — facing that fear is getting easier. I’m going to do things this year that the couch potato from last December would never dream of. You can do it too. Turn off the tube and try something new. It won’t be easy, convenient, pain free or inexpensive, but you won’t regret it. Be like me — just say “yes.” Heather Bowser, 29, is a staff writer for the Daily News-Record. She is a compulsive gum-chewer who is obsessed with Diet Dr Pepper and lemon-flavored water.