Five good minutes in the evening

five good minutes in the evening Jeffrey Brantley, MD Wendy Millstine

New Har bin ger Pub li ca tions

Pub lisher’s Note This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books.

Copyright © 2006 by Jeffrey Brantley and Wendy Millstine New Harbinger Publications, Inc.; 5674 Shattuck Avenue; Oakland, CA 94609 www.newharbinger.com Second in the Five Good Minutes™ series Five Good Minutes is a trademark of New Harbinger Publications, Inc. Cover design by Amy Shoup; Text design by Amy Shoup and Michele Waters-Kermes Acquired by Tesilya Hanauer; Edited by Jasmine Star Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Brantley, Jeffrey.

Five good minutes in the evening : 100 mindful practices to help you unwind from the day and make the most of your night / Jeffrey Brantley and Wendy Millstine. p. cm.

ISBN-13: 978-1-57224-455-9 ISBN-10: 1-57224-455-0 1. Meditation. 2. Attention. 3. Imagery (Psychology) 4. Visualization. 5. Self-actualization (Psychology) I. Matik, Wendy-O, 1966- II. Title.

BF637.M4B726 2006 158.1’2—dc22 2006014693 08 07 06

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

First printing

This book is ded i cated to all those whose labor and gen er os ity help to make our world a better place. May you be safe and filled with peace. May you be happy and light hearted. —J.B. For my sis ter, Nancy, whose gen tle heart, gen er ous spirit, and patience infuse every page. —W.M.

Ahashare.com

Z

contents

introduction

1

PART 1

the foundation

7

PART 2

the practices

31

leaving work at work 1 relax and release the 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

workday clarity of vision float away those nagging workday memories wind down at the end of the workday not only the expert minimize the workload watch your speed detox the negativity dear friends and colleagues body refreshment plan tomorrow today—then leave it unravel yourself endless errands awards presentation vi

16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

33

the art of patience traveler, be well humor me, please find your release valve total body check-in mind walk be a tourist—on the way home get out of the rut inward focus wide-open space the homestretch

enriching your home life 27 unlock serenity’s door 28 arrive home together: your 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44

body and your mind waterfall of the mind soulful cooking where happiness lives still the mind relax; you’re home bless me! bite by savory bite don’t wait to laugh s.o.s.: message overload time-out! give the gift of inner space first-aid kit inhabit your kitchenscape your worry basket the clutter patrol mindful dishwashing

87

45 sacred spaces 46 you are home; time to get 47 48 49 50

dressed! break the routine wholesome fun evening mishaps between worlds

five good minutes in the evening

•

vii

reconnecting with yourself and others 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67

say hello sensuality sparklers have mercy shoulders of loving-kindness deeper communication permission to cry appreciate someone body mantra tune out the negative tape loop lend a helping hand pools of kindness the value of forgiveness what do you want to do? time for you and me the compassionate heart write it out your good neighbor viii

68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75

137

an ounce of appreciation never alone take stock of your life only this lower your standards the pet who loves you optimism breather just listen

preparing for a good night’s rest 76 heed the call of a tired body 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91

and a weary mind relaxing mind tonic release this day tension buster finish your business stop this racehorse, I want to get off staircase to sleepy-town feel gratitude for this day star-filled nights fire, earth, water, air say good night to your mind bedtime rituals your precious life media vacation wish yourself a good night’s rest spiritual force

92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100

189

time to rest mental holiday good night, my friend empty your mind cultivate inner peace ecstasy infusion befriend yourself vision quest the web of life

five good minutes in the evening

•

ix

Z

introduction

I

mag ine liv ing with a deeper sense of peace and calm and feel ing more pres ent and con nected with loved ones and the rich ness of life, night or day.

How could you do it? Where would you start?

In our pre vi ous book, Five Good Min utes: 100 Morn ing Prac tices to Help You Stay Calm and Focused All Day Long, we invited you to explore the pos si bil ity that liv ing your life in the pres ent moment, whole heart edly and with inten tion, can be rad i cally trans form ing. Although five min utes of clock time can seem insig nif i cant, the pres ent moment—the eter nal now—is enor mously potent, and is, in fact, where life happens.

In our ear lier book, we focused on brief prac tices for pres ence, wis dom, con nec tion, joy, and ease aimed at the morn ing, a time of day when energy is expan sive and the demands of the day are ahead of you. In this book, we offer 100 sim ple, five-min ute prac tices for eve ning, a time for

2

embrac ing dif fer ent dimen sions of life, relax ing, con nect ing with loved ones, and get ting needed rest and renewal.

The five good min utes approach offers even the busi est per son a pre cious oppor tu nity to be in a dif fer ent rela tion ship with their own life. Each mind ful breath is an oppor tu nity to feel the life in and around you. Each moment, inhab ited con sciously, is a chance to dis cover your own great ness of heart, and to allow life to move you deeply.

The five good min utes con cept is sim ple: take the time, for just five min utes, to be pres ent mind fully, to set a clear inten tion, and to act whole heart edly, with out attach ment to any out come as you engage in a focused prac tice or activ ity.

When you prac tice these skills—mind ful pres ence, clear inten tion, and whole hearted action—the door opens for an imme di ate and rich expe ri ence in the present moment. Through out this book you’ll find prac tices that direct you to breathe or

five good minutes in the evening

•

3

lis ten mind fully for about a min ute, then set your inten tion, then act wholeheart edly.

If you’ve never prac ticed mind ful ness before, don’t worry!

In part 1 of this book, you’ll find clear and easy-to-fol low instruc tions for prac tic ing mind ful breath ing and mind ful lis ten ing. Refer back to these instruc tions as often as nec es sary.

With prac tice, you’ll dis cover the nat u ral ness and ease of being pres ent through mind ful breath ing or mind ful lis ten ing.

And if you begin to sense a power in these meth ods of being mind ful that goes beyond five good min utes, be pre pared to enjoy that, as well.

Done mind fully and whole heart edly, each of the prac tices offers you a new way of expe ri enc ing your self and your life and can give you insight and under stand ing. This can carry over to pro found and reward ing changes grounded in being more pres ent, feel ing more con nected, and open ing more to the mys tery and awe of life in these human bodies.

4

It’s easy to become pulled out of our selves when we’re caught in the momen tum of a busy work a day life and iden ti fied with what we think is so impor tant. But the costs of such hijack ing are high: worry and hurry may dom i nate your inner life; you may feel out of touch with loved ones and perhaps even a good night’s sleep is no longer possible.

This book, like our pre vi ous one, is ded i cated to help ing you find and reclaim what is yours: a deeper and richer sense of joy, peace, con nec tion, and mean ing in the midst of the busy ness and demands of your every day work, home, and per sonal life.

Because the demands of the work ing world can be so intense, this book is focused on prac tices to help you let go of the momen tum and after ef fects of your work day and inhabit more fully the larger land scape of your life. Liv ing large in this way includes hav ing fun, relax ing, and pay ing closer atten tion to your own inner life and to the lives of those you five good minutes in the evening

•

5

love. We’ve also included a sec tion of prac tices designed to help you get the rest you need and a good night’s sleep.

In five short min utes a day, or even just a few times each week, the prac tices in this book can help you, or some one you love, recon nect with life in all of these ways:

6

!

You’ll feel more at ease and alive, and be more pres ent for your life beyond the work a day world.

!

You’ll feel more in touch with your inner life, and enjoy more reward ing rela tion ships with loved ones, includ ing your pets.

!

You’ll explore more of the mys tery and awe of this human life.

!

You’ll feel more calm and at peace, and hope fully get a good night’s sleep.

Z

PART 1

the foundation

Being There for the Gifts of Your Life

F

ive minutes is just clock time. The practices and activities in this book invite you to dwell in the present moment, which is always here and is timeless.

The expe ri ences of life flow con stantly into and out of the pres ent moment. Con di tions are always chang ing. In the morn ing, energy, thoughts, plans, and peo ple are one way. By eve ning, every thing can be totally dif fer ent: energy lev els change, ech oes of the day can cloud your con nec tion to your home and per sonal life, and doubts or worry may be dom i nat ing your inner life.

To embrace the whole ness of life and be avail able for all the gifts life offers you, it’s impor tant to learn to stay pres ent and work with these chang ing con di tions, what ever they are.

8

The prac tices in this book are aimed at help ing you make the tran si tion from your work day and sup port ing you to be avail able for your life after work and into the eve ning, includ ing get ting the rest and sleep you need.

The pres ent moment becomes a place you can inhabit more fully when you prac tice mind ful ness—pay ing atten tion on pur pose, as if it really mat tered, to expe ri ences hap pen ing both inside and out side your skin. The way you pay atten tion is impor tant. Being mind ful means pay ing atten tion in a wel com ing, nonjudging way that seeks to under stand and receive expe ri ence, not to change it. As human beings, we all have the abil ity to be mind ful; we just have to know that and do it.

Being mind ful can ini ti ate a change in your rela tion ship to your inner life that will ulti mately allow you more free dom from the momen tum and agi ta tion that nat u rally arise in the course of a busy day. It can free you from habitual energy

five good minutes in the evening

•

9

pat terns, in both mind and body, and make you more avail able for action in the pres ent moment.

Why Five Good Minutes in the Evening?

Do you ever feel as though you’re liv ing on a tread mill?

Though the sit u a tions and con text of life gen er ally change in the eve ning, how often do events of the day echo in, or even dis tort, the eve ning’s activ i ties? Per haps you’ve expe ri enced some of these repercussions:

10

!

Your body has left work, but your mind has not.

!

Your phys i cal energy is low, but hurry and worry are driv ing your thoughts.

!

A friend speaks to you, but your atten tion is in the past or the future.

!

At home, the dog brings a tug toy, the cat purrs, your child or part ner touches your hand, but you’re not pres ent as this pre cious moment of life unfolds.

What has hap pened in these and count less other exam ples of absence and inat ten tion? You’ve been hijacked by the momen tum of a day full of thoughts, inten tions, and actions.

When you’re replay ing scenes, obsess ing over plans, or beset by feel ings of ten sion and worry, you’re at risk of los ing the prom ise of the eve ning, includ ing rest and renewal.

Each five-min ute prac tice in this book is a relax ing, fun, enrich ing, and cre ative oppor tu nity to explore and exper i ment with a dif fer ent way of being in, and relat ing to, your life as it changes from day into eve ning. Beyond facil i tat ing that tran si tion, you may well find that these prac tices help you develop a deeper sense of inter con nec tion with oth ers, and help you dis cover the great ness and mys tery in the human heart.

five good minutes in the evening

•

11

How to Use This Book The 100 prac tices in this book offer spe cific means for relax ing and releas ing your work day, for enjoy ing your home life and your time with loved ones and pets, and for sup port ing you in get ting a good night’s sleep.

You don’t have to do all 100 of them.

You don’t have to like or enjoy all 100 of them.

You don’t have to work through them in sequence, from 1 to 100.

What is help ful is to approach each prac tice in the spirit of relax ing and hav ing fun. Try to take the atti tude that the prac tice is there as a friend or ally, to aid and com fort you.

These prac tices won’t be as help ful if you make them just another chore on your already over loaded to-do list.

Read through the prac tices any way you like and look for practices that appeal to you. Those that sound like fun, that evoke a sense of relief inside you just by read ing them, or that 12

stim u late your sense of curi os ity are the best ones to start with. Be aware that which prac tices seem appeal ing may vary from day to day or over time, so it’s good to go back and review dif fer ent and untried prac tices from time to time.

Being patient with your self is very impor tant. From our point of view, you can not make a mis take doing any prac tice as long as you’re will ing to make an hon est effort. As we point out in the sec tion on act ing whole heart edly, doing the prac tice with out attach ment to out come is very help ful. In other words, just do it and see what hap pens with out putt ing any extra pres sure on the prac tice or your self to “make it work.”

You’ll prob a bly find it help ful to read the descrip tion a cou ple of times or so before actu ally doing the prac tice. Alter na tively, you could ask some one to read it aloud or you could record the instruc tions yourself.

You may also want to explore shar ing a prac tice with your part ner, a child, or a group of friends or col leagues. In this five good minutes in the evening

•

13

case, every one does the prac tice at the same time while one per son reads it or while lis ten ing to a recorded ver sion of the instruc tions. It can be very reward ing to spend some time after ward shar ing and dis cuss ing each per son’s experience.

Finally, when you find prac tices you like, don’t feel you have to limit your self to only five min utes, only in the eve ning, or only once a day! Explore and enjoy work ing with your favor ite prac tices as much as you like.

It All Begins with Being Present Life is happening in this moment, and the richness of life becomes available only when you are present for it. Establishing your attention in the present moment is the first minute of your five good minutes (whether the practice instruction says so explicitly or not). Anything you do becomes more rich and potent when you take a minute or so to establish your attention and awareness in the present moment before doing anything else.

14

Being pres ent includes feel ing a sense of peace and ease.

We’ve included prac tices to help you relax, release stress and ten sion, and even laugh. You may wish to find one of these and spend your five good min utes relax ing and releas ing ten sion. It can be a good use of your time!

Being pres ent requires that you make the effort to be here, in the pres ent moment, by pay ing atten tion. In this book, you’ll find prac tices to help you focus your atten tion mind fully so that you can con nect more fully with each moment of your life, includ ing the five good min utes. As you do more and more mind ful prac tice, your mind ful ness will brighten and your access to the pres ent moment will increase.

Being pres ent includes being patient when your atten tion wan ders away. This hap pens to every one. Kind ness and patience with your self will sup port you as you bring your atten tion back, time and again—even in a short five minutes.

five good minutes in the evening

•

15

Being pres ent hap pens more eas ily when you let go of any thoughts about the next any thing, and con nect instead with this breath in this moment. You may not be able to be pres ent for five breaths or ten sounds, but you can be pres ent for this breath or this sound.

Your Keys to Being Present It takes some skill and prac tice to be truly pres ent. In this book, we refer to this way of being pres ent as “being mindful,” and by that we mean paying attention on purpose in a friendly and nonjudging way that allows expe rience to come to you.

When you pay atten tion mind fully, you don’t seek to change, add, or sub tract any thing from what you’re expe ri enc ing. It is actu ally a prac tice just to be mind ful. You prac tice pay ing atten tion—as if it really mat tered—to your expe ri ence in this moment, as it unfolds, and as you allow your self to receive what ever arises.

16

There are many ways to establish mind ful ness. They all depend on pay ing atten tion on pur pose, as if it really mat tered, with out judg ment, and with out try ing to change anything about the expe ri ence you’re observ ing. You’ll find many dif fer ent ways to be mind ful in the prac tices through out this book.

There are two types of mind ful ness prac tice that are so help ful and impor tant that they deserve spe cial men tion: mind ful breath ing and mind ful lis ten ing. Each method offers you a way to inhabit the pres ent moment more fully, and either can be the first step of your five good minutes.

In this book and our previous one, many of the exercises actually begin with the words “Breathe mindfully for about a minute.” Mindful breathing is an ancient and powerful way to establish your awareness in the present moment. Below, you’ll find some simple instructions to guide you in practicing mindful breathing. However, mindful breathing may not always be easy,

five good minutes in the evening

•

17

so we’ve also provided instructions for mindful listening, wherein you focus your attention on sounds in your environment When might you choose one method over the other?

Many peo ple find that it’s dif fi cult to con cen trate atten tion on the breath when their minds are rac ing or very busy. Or they may be dis tracted from their breath by the sounds around them when they’re in a noisy sit u a tion. To ensure you can prac tice even in such sit u a tions, you may want to work on mind fully lis ten ing to the sounds them selves. Mind ful lis ten ing tends to help you access a sense of inner spa cious ness that can more eas ily include all that is hap pen ing, even dis trac tions. Alter na tively, if you’re feel ing spaced-out or out of touch with your body, or if you’re feel ing rest less and agi tated, con cen trat ing atten tion on the nar row focus of your breath sen sa tions can be just the thing to bring you into the pres ent moment with a sense of stillness and calm.

18

Mindful Breathing and Mindful Listening: The First Element of Your Five Good Minutes Below are easy-to-fol low instruc tions for prac tic ing mind ful breath ing and mind ful lis tening. Exper iment and have fun with both. Return to these instruc tions as often as needed to make your mind ful ness prac tice strong. The more con fi dent you feel with each of these meth ods of practicing mind ful ness, the more likely you are to use them, not only in spe cific five-min ute prac tices, but also in other situations where added pres ence and awareness are valuable elements of your total expe ri ence.

In essence, mind ful breath ing is sim ply direct ing your atten tion entirely to a focus on your breath—observ ing it as it occurs with out attempt ing to con trol it. Here are some sim ple instruc tions for mind ful breathing: b Make your self com fort able. You can do mind ful breath ing in any pos ture: sit ting, lying down, stand ing, or even walk ing. five good minutes in the evening

•

19

c To reduce dis trac tions, close your eyes or focus softly on a spot on the ground a few feet ahead of you.

d For the time of this prac tice, let go of all agen das.

You don’t have to become any one or any thing else or make any thing spe cial hap pen. You already have what it takes to be mind ful. Just relax.

e Gently bring your atten tion to your body, and then to the sen sa tions of your breath mov ing in your body. Rest your atten tion at the spot where it is easi est for you to actu ally feel your breath mov ing in and out. The chest or abdo men ris ing and fall ing or the tip of the nose are com mon points of focus.

f Let the breath sen sa tions come to you. You need not con trol your breath in any way. Let it flow nat u rally as you bring a kind, allow ing atten tion to the sen sa tions of inhal ing, paus ing, exhal ing, and so on, breath after breath.

20

g When your attention wanders away from your breath, you haven’t made a mistake or done anything wrong.

Simply notice this movement of attention, understanding it as a habit of your mind, and kindly return your attention to the breath sensations happen ing in the moment. Your mind will likely move away from your breath countless times. Each time, just notice where it went and prac tice kindness and patience with yourself as you return your attention to the breath sen sa tions hap pen ing in the moment.

h Don’t strug gle with being pres ent for many or even a few breaths, but instead focus on con nect ing with this breath, this inha la tion, this exha la tion. Even if you can’t focus on two con sec u tive breaths, you can focus on this breath. To be pres ent for this breath is good enough.

i Move your atten tion closer, noticing the qual ity of each new breath as accu rately and con tin u ously as five good minutes in the evening

•

21

you can. Try to stay pres ent for the entire cycle of the breath: in, pause, out, pause.

j End your breath med i ta tion by shift ing your focus off of your breath sen sa tions, open ing your eyes, and mov ing gently.

In addi tion to breath ing mind fully, it’s often use ful, espe cially when you wish to calm your self or relax, to delib er ately breathe deeply, from your abdo men, not just your chest.

Some of the prac tices will instruct you to breathe deeply or dia phrag mati cally. By that we mean deep en ing your breath so that your dia phragm (the mus cle that sep a rates your chest and abdomen) expands down ward, and your belly rises.

To check how you’re breathing, place one hand on your chest and the other on your belly, above your navel. Which hand moves more as you breathe? To ensure that you’re breathing diaphragmatically, work on expanding your diaphragm downward (taking a deeper breath). This will cause the hand on your belly 22

to move more than the hand on your chest. While it’s possible to breathe adequately by simply expanding and contracting your chest, diaphragmatic breathing—deep belly breathing—is a powerful tool for inducing calm and even relieving anxiety. Next time you’re overtaken by a strong negative emotion, give diaphragmatic breathing a try and see how it affects you.

Here are some impor tant things to remem ber about mind ful breath ing and dia phrag matic breath ing, and some dis tinc tions between them: !

Deep, dia phrag matic breath ing requires con scious effort beyond the body’s nat u ral breath ing.

!

By delib er ately involv ing your dia phragm in breath ing, you are breath ing more deeply, from your abdo men, and you can help your body take in more oxy gen. When peo ple are anx ious or stressed, they often fall into hab its of shal low, rapid breath ing that involve mov ing the chest but not the abdo men. five good minutes in the evening

•

23

By delib er ately breath ing from your abdo men, you can shift out of these hab its of shal low breath ing and poor oxy gen a tion in times of anx i ety or stress.

24

!

Dia phrag matic breath ing is a pow er ful prac tice for mov ing more breath into and out of the body. You only need to take a few of these inten tion ally deeper breaths when prac tic ing this form of breath ing. Your body rarely needs such a large vol ume of air in each breath for a pro longed period. As you begin to feel the ben e fits of a few deeper breaths, and per haps a sense of calm aris ing, let go of the dia phrag matic breath ing and allow your body to breathe nat u rally, at its own depth and rhythm.

!

“Breath ing mind fully”—as we are using the phrase in this book—is prac ticed by pay ing atten tion to sen sa tions aris ing from the body’s nat u ral breath ing pat terns. Mind ful breath ing does n’t require any con trol of the breath ing pro cess.

!

And, of course, you can be “mind ful” of dia phrag matic breath ing.

Mindful listening involves directing your attention entirely to a focus on the sounds in your environment, whatever they may be. Simply receive and observe them without labeling or judging them. Here are some simple instructions for mindful listening: b Make your self com fort able. You can do mind ful lis ten ing in any pos ture: sit ting, lying down, stand ing, or even walk ing.

c To reduce dis trac tions, close your eyes or focus softly on a spot on the ground a few feet ahead of you.

d For the time of this prac tice, let go of all agen das.

You don’t have to become any one or any thing else or make any thing spe cial hap pen. You already have what it takes to be mind ful. Just relax.

e Focus your atten tion on the sounds around you. five good minutes in the evening

•

25

f Let the sounds come to you, receiv ing each with out pref er ence.

g Let go of any thoughts about the sounds; instead, focus on the direct expe ri ence of sound itself.

h Allow your focus to deepen to include all sounds. i Lis ten and receive, allow ing one sound, then another. Notice how one sound fades and is replaced by another. Notice even the space between the sounds. Relax, soften, and open.

j Let the med i ta tion sup port you. Lis ten and open as sounds come and go. Rest in the still ness that receives all sounds.

1) End your med i ta tion by shift ing your focus from the sounds, open ing your eyes, and mov ing gently.

26

Intention: The Second Element of Your Five Good Minutes Set ting a clear inten tion is a way of point ing your self in the direc tion of an impor tant value or goal. Inten tion pre cedes all move ment in these human bod ies, so it’s good to learn to iden tify inten tion, and to prac tice set ting wise inten tions.

Set ting inten tion can be done skill fully or unskill fully.

For exam ple, it would n’t be very skill ful to set an inten tion to be 100 per cent worry free as a goal that must be achieved. Be care ful not to set an inten tion that’s unre al is tic or that you must achieve at all costs. This is a setup for harsh selfcriticism and pos si bly cyn i cism about being able to do any thing to help yourself.

An inten tion arrived at skill fully is more like a friendly guide. It points you in the right direc tion but acknowl edges that impor tant changes can take time. Patience and kind ness toward your self as you move in your cho sen direc tion are five good minutes in the evening

•

27

impor tant allies on the jour ney. Your inten tion to be worry free, for exam ple, may be better thought of as a direc tion you’d like to travel in. Since being entirely free of wor ries prob a bly isn’t real is tic, set ting a goal such as “to worry less and relax more” might be more prac ti cal.

Each of the 100 prac tices in this book has the poten tial to sup port what ever inten tion you might select. Through the sim ple act of mak ing a state ment of inten tion, you open the door to a pro found shift in your life in the pres ent moment.

Acting Wholeheartedly: The Final Piece of Your Five Good Minutes As you do the prac tice you have chosen, you are encouraged to act whole heart edly, with out attach ment to outcome. What does this mean? Acting wholeheart edly means doing some thing with all of your attention and energy. If you’ve established 28

mind ful ness and set your inten tion, you’ve already built a pow erful support for wholehearted action.

You may find it takes some prac tice to be whole hearted, even for five min utes. Much of what we do in life is done with out our full atten tion or com mit ment for a vari ety of rea sons. These hab its of inat ten tion and dis con nec tion can be over come, but it may take some effort to do so.

So, as you begin to try the prac tices in the book, be patient and give your self some room to grow. Also, notice how the dif fer ent prac tices are more appro pri ate to dif fer ent moods, times, and phases of your day and night.

Once you’ve selected practices that seem to fit, try nurturing a willingness to experiment, without demanding immediate results or a quick fix. If you get immediate results (it is possible!), be grateful. But you’ll probably find it easier to be wholehearted while doing your practice if you let go of trying to change anything or make anything happen. This is what we mean five good minutes in the evening

•

29

when we say “without attachment to outcome.” Just do the practice without vigilantly watching and judging what is happening.

It is per fectly okay if you feel awk ward, silly, or embar rassed as you do your prac tice. Remem ber, you can not make a mis take as long as you give it your best effort. So just acknowl edge what ever you’re feel ing (that’s a moment of mind ful ness, by the way), and keep on doing it!

100 Doorways to Possibility Life is filled with pos si bil i ties, if only we can see them and open to them. Habit ual energy pat terns block us from the rich ness of life, moment by moment, but you don’t have to remain stuck in those pat terns. There is another way beyond the one of inat ten tion, con trac tion, and reac tiv ity. Each time you take five good min utes, you open a door way for engag ing life freshly and open ing to new pos si bil i ties.

30

So be prac ti cal, select ing prac tices that call to you and work ing with them patiently. Be gen tle with your self, allow ing for your own wan der ing mind and any dis trac tions that arise.

And be will ing to be play ful, have some fun, and be surprised.

By tak ing advan tage of the trans form ing and heal ing power of mind ful ness, inten tion, and whole heart ed ness, any where and any time you choose, you gain direct access to the infi nite pos si bil i ties in your life. May you inhabit your possibilities!

This book offers you 100 ways to begin. We hope you’ll find joy, ease, awe, and empow er ment through these prac tices.

five good minutes in the evening

•

31

Z

PART 2

the practices

leaving work at work

Z 1

relax and release the workday

W

hen you’re still at work and finishing your day, take five good minutes to leave all of your work at work. b Sit com fort ably and close your eyes. c Breathe mind fully or lis ten mind fully for about a min ute.

d Set your intention. For example, “May this practice enable me to leave work and feel fin ished, in heart, mind, and body.”

36

e Con tinue mind ful breath ing or lis ten ing and allow your self to release ten sions, soft en ing and open ing as much as feels safe to you.

f Speak ing qui etly to your self, acknowl edge the end of your work day. Say some thing like “Now I am done with work” or “I’m leav ing work now.” Or use what ever phrase feels right to you.

g Breathe mind fully for a few more breaths. h If you like, you could offer an aspi ra tion or a prayer.

For exam ple, “May the high est good come from my work today.”

i End by open ing your eyes and mov ing gently. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

37

2 clarity of vision

A

strenuous workday can often lead to eyestrain and exhaustion. Sore, dry, and itchy eyes, a common complaint among computer users, can interfere with concentration and even interrupt sleep. We rely heavily on our sight to carry us through our endless tasks, yet we neglect to nurture our eyes. Before you leave work, take the next five minutes to reduce eye discomfort. b Begin by sit ting down, clos ing your eyes, and tak ing a few deep, dia phrag matic breaths. Allow the

38

ten sion to flow out of your body with each exha la tion.

c Rest your fin ger tips along the lower edges of your eye brows. Using a cir cu lar motion, mas sage the area with gen tle pres sure, always circling out ward.

d Move slowly around the outer per im e ter of your eyes, along the edge of the bone that encir cles your eyes. Remain at each spot for ten sec onds, always cir cling out ward.

e End by drop ping your arms to your sides.

Your eyes deserve a break. A sim ple eye mas sage can restore your vision and bring a sense of inner calm. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

39

3 float away

S

tress and workday pressures can make your heart, mind, and body feel increasingly solid and heavy. When you feel this way, what would it be like to soften and open to spaciousness? b Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. c Set your intention. For example, “May this practice give me ease and light ness.�

d Bring your atten tion to the sen sa tions inside your body. Acknowl edge any sense of con trac tion, hold ing, or ten sion.

40

e Breathe or lis ten mind fully. f

Shift your atten tion to your thoughts and feel ings. Acknowl edge any worry, anx i ety, or repeat ing thoughts.

g Breathe or lis ten mind fully. h Imag ine that your solid body soft ens, and that your heart, mind, and body flow together and expand into a beau ti ful bal loon.

i Let the bal loon float up and away—as far and as high as feels safe.

j Rest in spa cious ness, ease, and light ness.

1) End by return ing to the ground, now more relaxed. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

41

4 those nagging workday memories

D

o you ever feel invaded by nagging memories of events from your day at work? If you have trouble getting those thoughts out of your head, try this practice. b

42

When ever you notice thoughts or feel ings about a work sit u a tion aris ing in the pres ent moment, gently acknowl edge them, say ing some thing like “The story [or the thoughts] about work are here now.�

c Anchor your aware ness in the present moment by breath ing mind fully or lis ten ing mind fully for about a min ute.

d Notice any deeper feel ings beneath the thoughts, such as upset, worry, anger, or excite ment. Name them kindly and allow them to be just as they are as you con tinue mind ful breath ing or lis ten ing.

e As you name the thoughts or feel ings, speak kindly to each one. Say some thing like “I release you” or “Thank you, but not now.” You may have to speak to each one sev eral times. Always speak kindly.

f End by shift ing your focus to your breath or to sounds and rest ing in the pres ent moment as you open your eyes and move gently. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

43

5 wind down at the end of the workday

T

he last half hour at work is often a mad rush to pull together every last-minute task. You may find yourself frantically dashing in and out of your office, cubicle, or work area in a frenetic attempt to get this done or that tied up or that saved. If you structure your workday to end with stress, it leaves you stressed.

If you can reor ga nize your work load at the end of the day to reflect a slow ing down of tasks, you’ll begin to break 44

the shack les of that fren zied pace. Toward the end of your work day, take five good min utes to think about how you can adjust your tasks and pac ing so that you wind down, instead of end ing in a flurry of activ ity. Instead of find ing more work or pres sur ing your self to tie up all the loose ends, tell your self that there is always tomorrow and that your pile of unfin ished work can just wait. In the last half hour of your work day, try to cut back on the num ber of tasks you would nor mally tackle. Save sim ple and more plea sur able tasks for the end of the day so you can wind down. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

45

6 not only the expert

M

ental habits of judgment and self-criticism can create a virtual prison wherein your work—no matter how successful— never seems good enough. If this is the case for you, it may lead to a tendency to feel like you aren’t good enough, either. An identity (and a prison) can be created from the insatiable need to be more competent and more expert. What would it be like to not have to be so competent or so expert?

46

b Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. c Set your inten tion. For exam ple, “May this prac tice help me find bal ance in my life.”

d Breathe or listen mind fully for a few more breaths. e Qui etly, in your heart and mind, ask a ques tion such as “Who am I besides the infor ma tion I man age and the skills I pos sess?” or “What am I besides the work I do?”

f Lis ten for all the responses. Repeat the ques tion if nec es sary.

g If it helps, keep this ques tion with you day and night. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

47

7 minimize the workload

H

ow can we leave work at work? The endless details and computations can cling to our every thought. You may find yourself speaking your mental list aloud: “Remember to call human resources. Need new software program. E-mail staff about changing the time of the meeting next week.� Some of us even take our work home, running errands for work-related projects or making work-related phone calls.

When you let work dom i nate your off hours, you for get how to leave work at the office. But a good bal ance between 48

work and rest is vital to your hap pi ness. Just as you let work over take you, allow your self to com pletely and whole heart edly immerse your self into your after-work relax ation time. Instead of wait ing for the week end to enjoy life, sched ule fun or plea sur able things to do when your work day comes to a close, such as a mas sage, a ped i cure, or din ner and a movie. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

49

8 watch your speed

H

urry and momentum from the workday is easily internalized and, like a rapid drumbeat, can dictate your inner tempo long after your workday ends. Near the end of your workday, experiment with shifting to a different tempo. b Find a place that offers privacy. c Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. d Set your intention. For example, “May this practice bring me ease and joy.�

50

e Bring atten tion to your mind and body. Are your thoughts rac ing? Is there ten sion any where in your body? Is either your mind or your body agi tated?

f Stand up and start con sciously mov ing your body at a speed that matches your inner speed. Walk, shake, or move for about a min ute, really feel ing the sen sa tions.

g Now take another min ute or two and slow down delib er ately, gently, and con sciously, until you are stopped. Sit down.

h Relax and breathe mind fully. i End by mov ing out at your new speed. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

51

9 detox the negativity

W

hether you like your job or not, few things are more stressful than toxic coworkers. These negative people can pollute a perfectly productive day and leave you drained and unhappy.

Their depressing energy is contagious, and it’s important to find ways to safeguard yourself from this gloom. The following practice will help you develop immunity to their toxicity.

52

b Find a place that offers privacy, whether you’re still at the office, alone at the bus stop, or seated in your car. Start by tak ing some deep, expan sive breaths.

c Clear this dark energy by giving yourself a detox ing pep talk. Begin by acknowl edg ing how toxic peo ple can affect your mood and destabilize your day.

d Next, tap into the well of for give ness that resides inside you and visu al ize free ing your anger or resent ment toward these toxic people. Imag ine that your lov ing-kind ness could heal a part of what is hurt ing these bro ken peo ple.

e Say aloud to yourself, “I am a com pas sion ate and car ing person. I like most peo ple. I can see their weak nesses and know that their behav ior does n’t have to do with me. I am sur rounded by kind and gen tle peo ple.” T

five good minutes in the evening

•

53

10 dear friends and colleagues

L

ike all other relationships, workplace relationships involve some friction. Could your inner relationship to a coworker impact both of you?

This prac tice invites you to exper i ment with the inner rela tion ship. Notice when this prac tice begins to affect the outer rela tion ship. b Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. c Set your intention. For example, “May this practice strengthen my work rela tionships.�

54

d Think of some one you work with whom you like. e Imag ine speak ing to that per son in a friendly way, wish ing them well, say ing “May you be happy,” “May you be safe,” or some thing sim i lar.

f Now think of some one you work with who is dif fi cult.

g

Imag ine speak ing to this per son in the same friendly way, using your kind words. You aren’t excus ing this per son’s bad behav ior, you’re just prac tic ing friend li ness.

h End by being quiet. Notice, honor, and learn from all of your feel ings and reac tions to this prac tice. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

55

11 body refreshment

H

ave you ever noticed how the last hour of your workday can be the toughest? You may feel anxious about not having enough time to complete what’s on your plate, or you may feel the treacherous nagging of each minute dragging by seemingly without end. In either case, you’ve likely stored up tension somewhere in your body. The following exercise will help you reconnect with your body and release its pockets of strain and fatigue.

56

b Find a com fort able and quiet place to stand and take a min ute to breathe mind fully, focus ing on feel ing your lungs fill ing with air expan sively and then emp ty ing on the release.

c Take this time to iden tify where in your body you’re expe ri enc ing tight ness or pain. Do you trap your ten sion in your neck? Shoul ders? Jaw? Lower back?

d Depend ing on where you feel ten sion, from a stand ing posi tion give that part of your body a decent stretch. For exam ple, you may want to place your arms above your head, grad u ally length en ing and extend ing each arm toward the sky in an alter nat ing left-right move ment. Or try gently low er ing your head toward your chest and return ing to a nor mal posi tion, then low er ing your head slowly to your left shoul der and then your right shoul der, tak ing five sec onds at each posi tion. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

57

12 plan tomorrow today— then leave it

T

he present moment is the only moment. By inhabiting this moment with greater awareness, you actually shape the moments that follow. This is the only way we have to influence the future: to inhabit and own the present.

Try plan ning mind fully for tomor row’s work day. b Near the end of your work day, give your self some pri vacy and sit quietly.

58

c Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. d Set your inten tion. For exam ple, “May this prac tice bring ease to my work.”

e Look around your workspace. f Ask yourself, “What are the most impor tant things for me to do here tomor row?”

g Write as many as five things that come to mind. h Breathe mind fully for a few breaths. i Ask “What should be the first thing?” Cir cle it. j Leave your list in a place where you can find it eas ily.

1) Leave all of your work and wor ries there, too. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

59

13 unravel yourself

E

ven if you aren’t a person who takes your work home, you may find it difficult to decompress. Scurrying thoughts of work details and conversations may haunt you for hours after your workday ends. In the following mindful visualization, imagine that you’re a spool of thread unraveling from the clutches of work-related stress.

60

b Take one min ute to con nect with your breath ing and ground your self in the pres ent moment. You can do this at your desk, on the sub way, or while walk ing home.

c With the first rota tion of your spool of thread, you’re unwind ing your tire some list of wor ries.

You’re free ing your self from their grip on your life.

d On the sec ond spin of the spool, you’re unrav el ing your bur den some thoughts about what you left undone at work. Tomor row you’ll have a chance to get to it; but for now, there is no room for work.

e With each unravel ing, you are loos en ing from your spi ral ing thoughts and return ing to a place of restored seren ity. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

61

14 endless errands

E

ven though you’ve clocked out of your day job, sometimes you still have fifty-five places you have to get to after work—the dry cleaners, the supermarket, day care, and so on. This inexhaustible list of errands can further exacerbate your stress level, and yet you cannot escape these tiresome duties. Here are some helpful tips for making the most of the week and keeping your stress at bay:

62

!

At the begin ning of the week, make a run ning list of the errands that are an abso lute pri or ity, such as pick ing up the kids, shop ping for food, and return ing library books and rented mov ies.

!

Make a sep a rate list of sec ond ary errands that don’t have such strict dead lines, such as pur chas ing clothes, dog treats, or items for the house. Give your self per mis sion to put off these less-demand ing tasks until the week end.

Prioritizing helps you orga nize your after-work drive more effi ciently and dis trib utes your errands more evenly.

Hope fully you’ll find your self with fewer errands to run and more time for fun on the week end. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

63

15 awards presentation

J

udges in your own mind can dominate your inner life. They may say “not good enough” or “not enough” about many of the good things you do. However, these judges are only inner habits of criticism and hostility. They can be retired.

This prac tice will help you estab lish a dif fer ent habit— appre ci at ing and hon or ing your self and your work. b Give your self some pri vacy and sit qui etly. c Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute.

64

d Set your inten tion. For exam ple, “May this prac tice help me appre ci ate myself more.”

e Breathe mind fully for a few more breaths. f Recall a suc cess or some thing pos i tive you said or did dur ing your day at work today. See how the good out come depended on you and your unique gifts.

g Pic ture giving yourself a beau ti ful award to acknowl edge this good work. Your award includes a sin cere thank-you or a warm con grat u la tions.

h Allow your self to open, then step for ward to receive your award gra ciously. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

65

16 the art of patience

S

ome of us are more patient about waiting in line than others.

No matter where you fall on this spectrum, you will at some point unavoidably find yourself stuck in the longest grocery line with the slowest checkout clerk, who appears content to wait a seeming eternity for a price check that never comes. How can you unruffle your anxiety and cultivate a more relaxed attitude for the long wait ahead of you? The following coping exercise may only take the five minutes that you’re stuck waiting for your number to be called.

66

b Begin with tak ing three deep, slow breaths. On each inha la tion, sense the vital ity and life force of oxy gen charg ing your body and blood. On each exha la tion, be con scious of your abil ity to decom press and release the ava lanche of stress ors in front of you.

c The first thing to acknowl edge is that you have the power to change the way you cope with stress, both psy cho log i cally and phys i o log i cally. Say to your self, “I’m feel ing stressed right now, but I have the innate abil ity to accept my sit u a tion and find patience in this moment. The road to patience brings harmony.”

d No mat ter where you’ve bur ied your patience, imag ine that merely say ing the word “patience” will help guide you there instantly. You may even want to write the word on a piece of paper and keep it in your wal let as a reminder for those dire, stressridden moments. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

67

17 traveler, be well

I

mpatience, distraction, irritation—how often do these energies (and their kin) accompany you on the commute home? Arising from many sources, these unpleasant feelings upset your transition from work to home life and color your evening. Experiment with a different energy—friendliness—as you travel home. b Trav el ing home, with your eyes open, breathe mind fully for about a min ute.

c Set your intention. For example, “May this practice bring me balance and ease.”

68

d Notice those around you—in cars, on foot, in buses or trains.

e Reflect how each of them, like you, has dif fi cul ties in their day and in their life.

f Imag ine speak ing to each one as if they were a good friend and wish each well using a phrase like “May you be well,” “May you be happy,” or “May you be safe.”

g End by sit ting silently for a few breaths. Notice what you feel. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

69

18 humor me, please

I

t may seem absurd to schedule in laughter on your to-do list, but there’s a good chance you’ve fallen out of practice. Maybe there was nothing funny about work today and nothing funny about the news headlines. You may be hard-pressed to find laughter, and you’re likely to be charged admission when you do discover it. Take the next few minutes to generate a mental or written list of what makes you giggle. Here are some ideas to get you going on your list of after-work destressors:

70

!

Rent a com edy, even if you’ve already seen it; it’s sure to stir a chuckle out of you.

!

Watch a tele vi sion pro gram fea tur ing bloop ers or goofy behav ior by ani mals or peo ple.

!

Call a friend who has a come dic out look on life or who brings out your silly side.

!

Find a Web site that offers jokes for the day and be sure to share it with a coworker or friend.

When stress accu mu lates, one small humor ous or absurdly ridic u lous moment can defuse the sit u a tion, help you move past it, or, at the very least, dis tract you long enough to dimin ish its effect on you. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

71

19 find your release valve

E

ven if you’re not the one driving, commuting in a traffic jam is unbearable. It is likely one of the top ten life stressors in the U.S. Combine this frustration with being in a hurry, and you have a lethal dose of chronic aggravation. We face our greatest challenges to peace of mind under these demanding conditions, where the goal of inner peace may seem like a remote island with no inhabitants. But don’t lose hope! You may not be able to change your circumstances, but you can have a quick and easy action plan for diffusing your stress.

72

!

As traf fic slows, exit routes evap o rate, and your heart begins to race, take five slow, dia phrag matic breaths, train ing your self to breathe stress away.

With each exha la tion, let your mind and body soften mildly with out los ing con cen tra tion on the traf fic around you.

!

The key to this exer cise is to iden tify a release valve amidst the mad ness. Your release valve may involve find ing an upbeat radio sta tion and sing ing at the top of your lungs, lis ten ing to a book on tape, let ting off some steam by scream ing out loud in your car, or pull ing off safely at an exit and call ing a sup port ive friend or fam ily mem ber.

!

Make a writ ten list of these stress reg u la tors and keep it in the glove com part ment so you’ll have it when you need it. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

73

20 total body check-in

S

tress accumulates in your body throughout a busy workday.

Vulnerable areas like your neck, scalp, and shoulders can become more and more tense as the pressure builds. Try checking in with your body for a minute or two a few times a day. Off-load stress each time and leave work feeling more at ease at the end of your day.

74

b Take a min ute or two to stop what you’re doing and breathe or lis ten mind fully for a few breaths.

c Turn mind ful atten tion to your body, espe cially the flow of sen sa tions within your body.

d Pay atten tion to any specific parts or areas that are call ing out to you. Allow your self to feel the sen sa tions there as they are hap pen ing. Meet and receive each sen sa tion with kind ness.

e Imag ine that each exha la tion car ries away all unnec es sary ten sion and that each inha la tion brings calm and ease to any tense areas of your body.

f Fin ish by open ing your eyes and mov ing gently. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

75

21 mind walk

W

hen you’ve had a workday particularly full of pressures, take a five-minute mindful walk inside your life before you race home or take on errands. This simple exercise will clear your mind and help you make a clean break from your pestering work irritations. In this mind walk, you’ll travel inward, through your own mind, and slow down so you can really take a look at and acknowledge what you’re thinking and feeling. Along your leisurely mental stroll, take notice of the details of what’s bothering you, where you’re at emotionally, and what brought you there: 76

!

Do you feel dis ap pointed, lack ing in affec tion, or wor ried about your health?

!

Did your day leave you drained, scat tered, or dis ori ented?

!

What cre ative activ i ties can you arrange to help alle vi ate this weighty out look?

When you slow down your pace, even for a few min utes, in order to take note of the ebb and flow of your feel ings, you unlock the door way to emo tional heal ing and extraor di nary insight, which all too often get pushed aside because of a hur ried sched ule. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

77

22 be a tourist—on the way home

I

t’s easy to fall into habits of inattention, becoming unconscious to the wonder of life as it unfolds within the routines of daily life. Try something different. Give a new twist to something you do every day: Let your daily commute home from work become a time and place for connecting with and discovering the richness of life all around you.

78

b Pause for a few mind ful breaths before leav ing work. c Set your inten tion. For exam ple, “May this prac tice awaken me to the won der of life.”

d Imag ine that you’re a tour ist and have n’t been in this place in years—per haps never before. You’re very inter ested in what’s hap pen ing here!

e As you travel home, see with fresh eyes that are inter ested and curi ous about each and every thing.

See how many new and inter est ing things or peo ple you can notice.

f Relax and have some fun! T

five good minutes in the evening

•

79

23 get out of the rut

A

gonizingly long workdays and mounting pressures from deadlines are enough to get you stuck in the rut of a mindless routine. However, it’s vital to your health and well-being to expose yourself to new things. One time per week, try something that you’ve never done before or that you haven’t done for a long time. Here are a couple of end-of-the-day ideas to get you started:

80

!

Eat at a new res tau rant.

!

Take a dance class.

!

Do some thing cre ative—paint, draw, or play music.

!

Play min ia ture golf with a loved one.

!

Check out some live music from a dif fer ent cul ture.

!

Visit your local farm ers’ mar ket for today’s fresh est organic pro duce.

!

Write a love let ter to some one you don’t even know.

Be cre ative in your search for things you’ve never tried before or that you’ve longed to get back into the habit of. A daily rou tine can become dan ger ously mind-numb ing. Expose your self to new activ i ties and reju ve nate your adven tur ous side. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

81

24 inward focus

M

ost nine-to-fivers will agree that they need an hour after work to decompress, but they rarely find the time to do so. For the next week, take just five minutes every day to follow this simple inward focus meditation. b Start with a few breaths, unhur ried and delib er ate, orig i nat ing from your core. Each breath is a prac tice in releas ing pent-up strain and work wor ries.

c

82

This med i ta tion requires you to con cen trate on a sin gle imag i nary object, such as a blade of grass

or a can dle flame. Choose the object you’d like to focus on.

d Once you have a clear pic ture of this object in your mind’s eye, your thoughts and feel ings will ebb and flow nat u rally, as they always do, but you’ll con tinue to refo cus on the object in your mind’s eye. By doing so, you are repo si tion ing your atten tion to the pres ent moment, and this will help free you from dis trac tion by wor ries, anx i eties, and out side pres sures. You may expe ri ence a flood of wor ries or a river of guilt for not being more pro duc tive, but it’s impor tant to be in the here and now and to give your self per mis sion to focus inward. Rec og nize that those out side con cerns are not per ma nent, they don’t define who you are, and they can’t con trol your life unless you let them. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

83

25 wide-open space

W

hen you’re caught in the demands and pace of the day, it’s easy to begin to feel painfully pressured and contracted within.

The following practice can help you reconnect with your inner spaciousness and feelings of calm and ease. b Shortly before leav ing work, or shortly after arriv ing at home, sit com fort ably where you won’t be dis turbed.

c Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute.

84

d Set your inten tion. For exam ple, “May this prac tice help me feel spa cious ness and ease.”

e Close your eyes and pic ture your self sit ting com fort ably.

f Expand your view, as if the cam era were mov ing back slowly.

g See your self grow ing smaller. See your home, your town, your region grow ing smaller and smaller. Con tinue until you are view ing the earth itself from space.

h Relax into the spa cious ness. Enjoy the feel ings of ease and release. Breathe mind fully, feel ing inner calm and still ness.

i End by open ing your eyes and mov ing gently. Let spa cious ness and calm sup port you. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

85

26 the homestretch

I

magine if your commute home from work could be like window shopping; each passing storefront, sidewalk, garden, car, and pedestrian would become a stroll through a museum. Visualize the freeway as an architectural monument and consider every building a structural splendor, eliciting awe and wonder. Take notice of every shrub or tree and imagine if we had a word for every shade of green. Your journey home is an opportunity to see the world as if for the first time. You may notice extraordinary

86

things that you never saw before, such as a stained glass window, schoolchildren hugging, or a smile from a passing stranger.

After work, set your mind at ease and immerse your self in the sights and sounds of your neigh bor hood. Remem ber to relax, breathe, and enjoy this pas sage into your eve ning. This is the per fect time to detach from the bur dens of your job and observe the peo ple and places along your path home. Let the sights and sounds quiet your mind. By the time you return home, you’ll feel renewed and ready for what ever awaits you. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

87

enriching your home life

27 unlock serenity ’s door

J

ust when you thought you had left all of your troubles behind at work, your commute home can leave you all wound up again.

Try this exercise while you’re still standing at your front door with your keys in your hand. b Take three breaths and begin to ground your self in the pres ent moment. Feel how it’s a relief to be home. Your work is behind you now, and you’re free to relax for the night.

90

c Select your door key and draw strength from the fact that this key has the power to unlock your free dom, ush er ing you into the await ing com forts of your house or apart ment.

d Place the key into the lock and turn the key slowly.

Move slowly and delib er ately for ward through your door way, shed ding the unhealthy lay ers of stress and leav ing them out side to dis si pate. Those neg a tive thoughts and feel ings are not wel come in your home.

e As you close the door behind you, take a moment to say good-bye to those unwanted, cling ing fears and uncer tain ties.

f At last, seren ity awaits you. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

91

28 arrive home together: your body and your mind

E

ven as you return home, hurry, worry, and the momentum of the day can keep your attention far from your physical body or the present moment.

Try the fol low ing prac tice to help you arrive home united in body, mind, and spirit: b As you approach your home, begin to pay atten tion mind fully.

92

c Notice how things look with out col or ing your observa tions with judg ments or sto ries. Look at your neigh bor hood, your yard, your front door, or the out side walls of your apart ment build ing, for exam ple. See their color, shape, and tex ture.

d Notice the sounds hap pen ing right now, in and around your home—soft sounds, loud sounds, pleas ant ones, and even harsh ones.

e Once you’re inside, allow your mind ful atten tion to con nect you with what is pres ent.

f Walk mind fully through your home. Or alter na tively, stand in one spot and open your atten tion, receiv ing all of the sights, sounds, and smells.

g End with an acknowl edg ment, per haps with grat i tude, say ing some thing like “I am home. May I con nect deeply with this life.” T

five good minutes in the evening

•

93

29 waterfall of the mind

W

hen you return home from your workday, the first few minutes can be challenging. For example, maybe you have six unreturned phone messages, it’s trash night, the kids are yanking on each leg for your immediate attention, and you still have to unpack the groceries and prepare dinner. You need a quick, mindful stress reduction exercise to help you get through the rest of your evening tasks in a calm and focused manner. Take the next several minutes to get grounded and to transition more smoothly from your workday.

94

This guided visu al iza tion will help you sym bol i cally detach from work: b Take five deep and relax ing breaths. c While seated com fort ably with your eyes closed, trans port your mind and body to a peace ful lagoon with a gen tle water fall. From where you sit, you can see and hear the refresh ing cas cade of water show er ing over ancient rocks worn smooth over time.

d You approach the water fall and find the tem per a ture is just to your lik ing.

e As you stand beneath the falls, you feel the inner seren ity that is wash ing over you, refresh ing and renew ing you from head to toe. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

95

30 soulful cooking

I

n cultures across the globe, the preparation of each meal is of the greatest importance—from the placement of dishes, to infusing color with garnishes, to the complement of flavors. By taking more interest in the smaller details, you will consciously reconnect to the ritual of dinnertime.

In many ways, we are magi cians in the kitchen, trans form ing a few veg e ta bles into a delight ful array of tastes and aro mas. Whether you eat alone or with friends or fam ily, han dle each item for your meal and con sider what’s 96

appe tiz ing or healthy about it. Appre ci ate each one and feel grat i tude for the incred i ble diver sity of ingre di ents avail able to you. See how many col ors you can incor po rate into a meal, and exper i ment with new ways of cut ting veg e ta bles. Instead of lis ten ing to news or hav ing the tele vi sion on in the back ground while you cook, lis ten to sooth ing music so that you infuse the meal with peace ful good wishes.

Con vey soul ful ness and rit ual into your cook ing rou tine, and pre pare your food with love and with spe cial atten tion to pre sen ta tion. Then pick out some lively cloth nap kins, light a can dle, and place fresh flow ers or a photo of a loved one on the table. Allow your meal to nour ish not just your body, but your spirit. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

97

31 where happiness lives

F

oreground: what dominates your attention. Background: everything else.

When wor ries or stress ful sit u a tions grow large and loud, they tend to dom i nate the fore ground of your expe ri ence in every moment. A sim ple, mind ful shift of focus from fore ground to back ground can illu mi nate the many places where hap pi ness still lives—even in dis tress ing moments.

98

b Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. c Set your inten tion. For exam ple, “May this prac tice bring peace and bal ance to my life.”

d Breathe or lis ten mind fully. Name any wor ries or prob lems in the fore ground of your aware ness. Let them be.

e Delib er ately shift your atten tion from those wor ries to your back ground, to your sur round ing envi ron ment. See, hear, and sense all that is around you.

f Acknowl edge and appre ci ate the sources of beauty and hap pi ness around you: loved ones, pets, plants, beau ti ful objects—all of it.

g Open to any feel ings of joy and grat i tude that begin to arise in you. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

99

32 still the mind

N

ever underestimate the value of small rituals for everyday household chores. You can bring mindful presence into doing the laundry, washing dishes, or making dinner. These small, routine ceremonies are opportunities to still your mind and give you a small breathing space within the hurly-burly of everyday life. The following exercise takes only five minutes and can be incorporated into any activity.

100

b Begin by focus ing your atten tion on your breath ing.

The rhythm and cadence of each breath is what will help set your pace for your eve ning chores.

c Be mind ful of every detail of your rit ual. For exam ple, if you’re doing the laun dry, are you sep a rat ing the whites from the col ors? Really see the col ors: Are they faded or bright? Are there many col ors or just a few? Feel the tex tures of the dif fer ent fab rics.

What does the laun dry soap smell like? Do you use fab ric soft ener? How does it smell? Are you a per son who is con cerned about bio de grad able deter gent?

Con sider all the places these clothes have gone.

What mem o ries and feel ings do some of these gar ments hold for you or your fam ily mem bers? T

five good minutes in the evening

•

101

33 relax; you’re home

R

elease the tensions of the day and refresh your body and mind by taking five good minutes to relax soon after arriving home. b Choose a com fort able, quiet place to sit or lie down, some place where you won’t be inter rupted.

c Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. d Set your inten tion. For exam ple, “May I be more calm and relaxed through this prac tice.”

102

e Bring your atten tion to your body—all regions and parts, even the deep inner body.

f Imag ine that you’re breath ing in peace and ease, and that peace fills your entire body with each inha la tion.

g Imag ine that you’re breath ing out all the toxins and stress of your work day with each exha la tion.

h When your mind wan ders, don’t view it as a mis take.

Just gently return your atten tion to your breath.

i End by open ing your eyes and mov ing gently. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

103

34 bless me!

B

efore you wolf down your dinner, take a few minutes to express gratitude. We have a tendency to get so caught up in our mindless routine, our nagging hunger, and our rush to finish before our favorite sitcom that we overlook the many blessings that grace our lives. Take the time to acknowledge at least five things that you feel genuinely grateful for this evening. The act of feeling and expressing gratitude has a way of opening your perspective and shining light on the good things in your life,

104

however small. Here are some ideas for the types of things your list might include: !

I’m grate ful that it did n’t rain today.

!

My best friend called.

!

I’m thank ful to be in good health.

!

There is abun dant love in this world and enough for every one.

!

This meal is plen ti ful and deli cious.

End your grat i tude list with the words “This life is a mir a cle. There is magic and beauty to be found in every wak ing moment. Thank you for this life of bounty,” or some thing sim i lar. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

105

35 bite by savor y bite

S

o often, we eat mindlessly while reading or watching television, or even while driving. Eating mindfully and with particular attention to the simple act of chewing can be a vital way of connecting more deeply with your body and your health. Conscious eating means putting aside all distractions and enjoying your meal with the full awareness of all your senses—sight, sound, smell, texture, and taste—and being aware of every movement you make. Try this exercise with your very first bite of food.

106

b Begin by tak ing three deep, relaxed breaths when you’re seated before your meal.

c Take notice of the way you hold your eat ing uten sils. Are you right-handed or left-handed?

d What would you like your first bite to con sist of?

The salad? The main entrée? The side dish?

e Observe how much food you have on your fork.

Notice its shapes, tex tures, and col ors.

f Which aro mas in this meal are most pleas ing to you?

What do they remind you of?

g As you take this first bite into your body, eat slowly and method i cally, chew ing at least twenty times before you swal low.

h Take the time to savor every bite and fully expe ri ence all of the taste sen sa tion. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

107

36 don’t wait to laugh

L

aughter has many positive effects, including stimulating the heart and lungs and shifting us away from feelings of fear, isolation, and loneliness. And here’s a secret about laughter: You don’t have to wait for something funny to happen in order to laugh!

Give your self a laugh ing break when ever you need one.

This prac tice is one way to do so, but feel free to mod ify it or explore laugh ing how ever you like.

108

b Come into the pres ent moment by breath ing mind fully or lis ten ing mind fully for about a min ute.

c When you’re ready, let the first waves of laugh ter seep through you.

d Make the sounds of laugh ing, let ting them start deep inside.

e You might begin with some soft tee-hees, a rolling ha-ha, or a deep ho-ho.

f How ever you begin, laugh whole heart edly, allow ing the energy of laugh ing to take you wher ever it will.

Let the laugh ter grow until it takes over your body, giv ing in to shak ing, stomp ing your feet, and wav ing your arms.

g Have some fun! T

five good minutes in the evening

•

109

37 s.o.s.: message overload

M

any of us are so dependent on our fast-paced, efficient new technology that we can hardly remember how we lived without these so-called essential items—voice mail, cell phones, e-mail, fax machines, and the like. But there was a time when people didn’t have ten places to check their messages, a time when everyone had to rely on snail mail. Though we can’t return to simpler times, we can find ways to reduce the level of stress that these technologies contribute. Take a few minutes each day to find ways to reduce the technological clutter. You may just free 110

up extra hours every night for relaxation. Here are some useful suggestions to get you on your way: !

E-mail: Don’t be afraid to reduce the num ber of e-mails you receive (even from friends and fam ily).

A short, sim ple e-mail announce ment that you need peo ple’s help to reduce exces sive hours spent on the com puter will go a long way.

!

E-mail: Delete all sus pi cious e-mail, spam, or other unwanted solic i ta tions imme di ately.

!

Voice mail and cell phone: Change your setup so that call ers have only thirty sec onds to leave a mes sage (and change your out go ing mes sage to alert them to this). T

five good minutes in the evening

•

111

38 time-out!

T

here are numerous distressing circumstances that can sabotage your tranquillity at home: your Visa bill, a pile of dirty dishes, or an empty refrigerator. Sometimes it doesn’t take much before you hit your boiling point and even the sound of the phone ringing can spiral you into a bad mood. When you feel the first inklings of this pressure, you deserve a free time-out card.

The fol low ing exer cise will help guide you to a place of still ness. Remem ber to main tain an aware ness of the pres ent

112

moment by tak ing a few deep, dia phrag matic breaths and set ting your inten tion. b First, shut off your phone. Find a quiet place where you can sit or lie down com fort ably.

c Begin this prac tice of calm ing your mind by say ing some thing along these lines to your self: “The mes sages can wait. The dishes can wait. The dog can wait. There will be time in the end to get to things that need to be done.”

d Say the fol low ing affirma tion: “Through this practice, I am achiev ing greater com fort and calm ness from deep within my mind and body. I am cul ti vat ing inward still ness.”

e This gen tle ness from within will infuse the rest of your night. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

113

39 give the gift of inner space

A

habit of answering e-mails and phone calls daily can lead to an erosion of your sense of privacy, inner calm, and well-defined personal space. Soon after you arrive home and get settled, give yourself the gift of personal space and privacy by putting e-mails and phone calls on hold for a time.

Here’s a prac tice to help you set aside per sonal time: b Sit com fort ably, and breathe or lis ten mind fully for about a min ute.

114

c Set your inten tion. For exam ple, “May this prac tice bring me greater peace and ease.”

d Offer your self the gift of a spe cific period of time, whether just an hour or two or all eve ning. Dur ing that time, con sciously let go of e-mail and let your voice mail answer any phone calls.

e Notice your inner reac tions to the gift of space and time. Acknowl edge all the feel ings that arise for you.

You may feel relief, grat i tude, or empow er ment, or you may feel bore dom, guilt, or worry. You can learn from any reac tion, whether pos i tive or neg a tive.

f Let the space and time you’ve given your self, and the insights you gain from this gift, bring you peace and ease. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

115

40 first-aid kit

C

hronic stress manifests differently, mentally and physically, for everyone, but a common outlet for most people is turning to unhealthy food choices. Or you may be so busy that you skip meals altogether. Despite what we know about fueling our bodies for optimal health, everyone has a breaking point and cannot resist indulging here and there—a scone for breakfast, free donuts at work, a piece of chocolate after lunch, or ice cream before bed. It’s no wonder that so many people are enslaved by a sugar addiction. Take five minutes to plan ahead and pack a 116

first-aid snack kit every day. Below are some quick, easy, and healthy snacks that will reduce your cravings for sugar, boost your energy level, and restore balance to your mood. The following suggestions can be eaten throughout the day or evening, but they’re not meant to be substitutes for your regular meals. !

Cut up your favor ite veggies and pack a dip, such as hummus.

!

Cel ery sticks and pea nut but ter is always a tasty combo.

!

Dried fruit, such as rai sins, apri cots, and cher ries, are con ve nient to keep with you.

!

Yogurt is a healthy snack that gives you energy, too.

!

Apples with wal nuts, almonds, or pump kin seeds is a good treat. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

117

41 inhabit your kitchenscape

H

idden treasures live in the ordinary acts of daily life. Their riches can be discovered if you pay attention. Mindfully inhabit the landscape of your kitchen and remain aware throughout the cooking process. Doing so can uncover wonders! b Approach your din ner prep a ra tion mind fully, anchor ing your atten tion through mind ful breath ing or mind ful lis ten ing as you begin and from time to time as you’re cook ing.

118

c Pay mind ful atten tion to your “inner weather” along the way—any sense of hurry, worry, or what ever else you may feel.

d As you pro ceed, take a mind ful breath and acknowl edge what you’re doing—cut ting veg e ta bles or stir ring a pot, for exam ple.

e Open your self to all of the sen sa tions, smells, and sounds in the kitchen: See the col ors of dif fer ent ingre di ents and watch how their col ors change as they cook. Hear the siz zling as you add ingre di ents to a hot pan. Smell the aro mas of herbs and spices and feel how com fort able your favor ite knife is in your hands. Taste as you go, and con sider how cook ing changes ingre di ents in both taste and tex ture.

f Move inten tion ally, bring kind atten tion to the task at hand, and rest in an inner spa cious ness as you work. Being pres ent, dis cover and enjoy! T

five good minutes in the evening

•

119

42 your worr y basket

I

f you inherited the worry wart gene, then you’re well versed in the mental ruminations that can plague a quiet night at home.

You worry about the strange ticking noise that the car started making. You worry about an awkward conversation you had with your boss. You may find yourself on a hamster wheel of worries, running in circles but not making any forward progress at all.

The fol low ing prac tice will help you stop spin ning your wheels and let go of those both er some thoughts.

120

b Begin by mak ing a men tal or writ ten list of all your wor ries, large or small, ratio nal or far-fetched.

c Visu al ize or find a small waste pa per bas ket or box in which you can stash your wor ries.

d Imag ine tearing off each indi vid ual con cern or fear and toss ing it into your stor age bin. If you’ve made a writ ten list, go ahead and actu ally do this.

e Say these words out loud: “I am let ting go of these nag ging thoughts. Some are impor tant and some are not. But right now, I am reclaim ing my right to enjoy life, live fully, and feel safe and secure tonight.” T

five good minutes in the evening

•

121

43 the clutter patrol

A

cluttered home can amplify any sense of feeling overwhelmed and magnify the stresses of the day. A few minutes focused on reducing your household clutter can go a long way toward diminishing your anxiety. Before you start your evening routine, take the next five minutes to straighten up and organize.

Even a little tidying up will guarantee that you’ll have a more pleasant evening, and hopefully a more tidy house to come home to tomorrow. You can’t clean the whole house in five minutes,

122

but a couple of minor adjustments will help restore your sense of ease and tranquillity: !

Toss all the extra mag a zines and news pa pers lying around into your recy cling bin.

!

Empty the dish rack or dish washer.

!

Clear off the kitchen coun ters and din ner table and put away any stray items or left overs.

!

Toss any dirty clothes into the ham per.

!

Col lect all the scat tered miscel la neous paper, cou pons, and mail and stack them neatly in one pile on your desk. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

123

44 mindful dishwashing

W

hat makes a chore a chore? Not wanting to do it? Wishing you were someplace else? Thinking there are more important things to do?

Atti tudes like these tend to fuel hab its of inat tention and feelings of frus tration. Explore the power of mindful ness —pay ing attention on purpose, as if it really mat tered—to transform a chore into something interesting and enjoyable.

In this prac tice, you’ll do the dishes mind fully, but you can take this approach with other chores, as well.

124

b As you begin to wash, check your “inner weather.”

Acknowl edge and allow any feel ings or thoughts that are pres ent—with out judg ing your self.

c As you’re wash ing, pause occa sion ally and take a few mind ful breaths.

d Be atten tive to the vari ety of expe ri ences unfold ing in the pro cess of dishwashing. Notice all of the sen sa tions you feel; for exam ple, damp ness, heat, cool ness, or heavi ness.

e Open your aware ness to sounds and smells as they arise. Also be mind ful of your thoughts and feel ings.

f When your atten tion wan ders or your mind starts speak ing, be kind. Gently notice this has hap pened and return your atten tion to the total expe ri ence. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

125

45 sacred spaces

M

ost of us understand an altar to be a designated place or space where spiritual ceremonies are performed. For many people, their home is also a temple, a sanctuary from the burdens of outside pressures. Increasing numbers of people have created altars in their home for meditation or prayer, or simply as a place to display sacred objects. Altars can bring significant meaning and intention into your home life. Take a few minutes today to start the process of building your own personal altar. Here are some creative ideas to help get you started: 126

!

Con sider where you’d like to set up your altar—maybe in your garden, in the din ing room or your bed room, or on a book shelf.

!

Col lect the items you’ll need to cre ate this sacred space—per haps a small table, a beau ti ful piece of cloth, crys tals, can dles, incense, sea shells, pho tos of loved ones, or any object of per sonal value or that elic its a mean ing ful mem ory.

!

Reflect on what your altar rep re sents to you. Is this where you come for ground ing with your self and the uni verse? Is this where you would like to pray? Or per haps you come here to recon nect with the greater forces of nature. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

127

46 you are home; time to get dressed!

T

he clothes we wear in different situations often symbolize different aspects of ourselves. Let go of the busyness, hurry, and worry of the workday as you mindfully change clothes soon after returning home. b As you begin the pro cess of chang ing out of your work clothes, take a few mind ful breaths and acknowl edge that this is part of your tran si tion to life at home.

128

c Set your inten tion, saying some thing like “May chang ing clothes more mind fully bring me into the pres ent moment and give me free dom and joy.”

d Con sciously acknowl edge each action as you change clothes, stay ing as pres ent as you can for what is hap pen ing. Here are some exam ples: “Now I am tak ing off my coat. Now I hang it up.” “Now I take off my shoes. Now I put my shoes away.” “Now I put on my sweater.” “Now I put on my jeans.”

e Remem ber to take a mind ful breath from time to time.

f Fin ish by acknowl edg ing that you are truly home. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

129

47 break the routine

T

he urge to collapse in front of the TV after dinner can become second nature and part of your evening routine. Unfortunately, TV can eat up your free time, and if you’re not careful about what you’re watching, you may end up watching anything and everything. Break your routine tonight and limit your television time. Make a mental or written list of more-rewarding options for how to spend your evening. Try to think of activities that may bring more long-term fulfillment and lasting enjoyment.

Here are some suggestions to inspire and motivate you: 130

!

Go for a lei surely walk or jog around your neigh bor hood.

!

Write down your thoughts and feel ings in a jour nal.

!

Do some thing cre ative: paint, draw, play music, or do woodworking or other crafts.

!

Take a hot bath.

!

Med i tate.

!

Exer cise.

!

Read a book.

!

Col lect old clothes and other items to donate to a char ity.

!

Start a new pro ject, such as orga niz ing pho tos.

!

Give your self per mis sion to just do noth ing. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

131

48 wholesome fun

H

ave you ever been doing something fun only to realize afterward that your attention has been elsewhere? Take five good minutes to explore the power of paying attention on purpose in the midst of having fun. Let your whole self have some fun! b Sit and breathe or lis ten mind fully for about a min ute.

c Set your intention. For example, “May this practice awaken joy and ease in me.�

d Choose a favor ite fun activity and start doing it.

132

e For the next few min utes, open your awareness and attend to the expe ri ence as it unfolds and flows through all of your senses. Notice sen sa tions, sounds, smells, and tastes; acknowl edge your thoughts; and rec og nize and receive all the pleas ant feel ings that arise.

f Pay ing atten tion on pur pose with out judg ment, let the whole expe ri ence come to you through all of your senses.

g Bring your atten tion back to your fun activ ity when ever your mind wan ders, and do so with out any judg ments or crit i cal thoughts. You have not made a mis take just because your atten tion wan dered.

h Inhab it ing your whole being—your heart, mind, and body—be pres ent for the fun! T

five good minutes in the evening

•

133

49 evening mishaps

W

hen stress hijacks you in your home, it can hold you hostage for the rest of the evening. Stress can result from an argument with a loved one, unexpectedly high bills, your car breaking down, or your heart getting broken. On these nights, your only source of strength and understanding may lie in your ability to accept what’s happened and let go of control (and the desire to control). In our hurried, chaotic lives, where we’re usually juggling multiple tasks, we often delude ourselves with feelings of being in control. Nevertheless, most of us are keenly aware that 134

there’s so much we cannot control. The positive affirmations below may help you restore balance and compassion and accept what you cannot change. Remember to pay attention to your breath, inhaling strength and empathy and exhaling the will to be in command. Say any or all of the following affirmations aloud, or create your own: !

“The world won’t end if I wait until morn ing to deal with this sit u a tion.”

!

“I don’t have power over this sit u a tion and that is okay. I am learn ing to let go.”

!

“Today was dif fi cult and I wish I could change my pre dic a ment. But tomor row will be a new day to start over again. Tomor row will bring hope and prom ise.” T

five good minutes in the evening

•

135

50 between worlds

Y

our relationship to the outer world is a direct reflection of your inner world. If you’re feeling angry, for example, you’re likely to interact with the world around you in abrasive and uncaring ways. Or if you feel fearful, it’s unlikely that you’ll move in the world with confidence.

This prac tice invites you to explore how cul ti vat ing inner feel ings of kind ness might influ ence your rela tion ship to the outer world.

136

b Sit com fort ably either indoors or out doors. c Close your eyes and breathe or lis ten mind fully for about a min ute.

d Set your inten tion. For exam ple, “May this prac tice help me open to awe and beauty in my life.”

e Breathe or listen mind fully a bit lon ger. f Open your eyes and look around atten tively. g Imag ine speak ing kindly and with grat i tude to what ever expe ri ence comes before you—to sights, sounds, sen sa tions, all of it. Say “Thank you. May you be well. May you be safe.”

h Acknowl edge your inner reac tions. Con tinue to thank the world around you and wish it well.

i End by sit ting qui etly. What do you feel? T

five good minutes in the evening

•

137

reconnecting with yourself and others

51 say hello

W

hen you arrive at home, in that moment when you first see your loved one (or loved ones), deliberately stop the rushing and momentum of your day and bring your attention to the present moment, and to those who are in front of you. b Pay atten tion kindly and on pur pose, mak ing good eye con tact with each of your loved ones.

c Breath ing mind fully, allow each breath you take to bring you calm and ease, and to deepen your

140

con nec tion with what is hap pen ing now, in this moment.

d Allow your self to really see and acknowl edge your loved ones. It may help to speak qui etly to your self, say ing some thing like “This is my part ner (or fam ily), who loves and sup ports me” or “We are together again, and I know it won’t always be this way.”

e Say hello with all of your heart. Speak to each one from your heart. Embrace each one with all of your heart.

f Allow your heart to open to the pre cious ness of this moment. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

141

52 sensuality sparklers

E

ach of us has a sensual side. Despite how mainstream media or society may demonize it, our sexuality is a fundamental and natural part of our being; it’s reflected in how we live our lives, how we build relationships, and how we create intimacy with others and ourselves. Though we may at times neglect or forget about our sensual needs, most of us have an undeniable craving and hunger for sensual experiences in our lives.

This next exer cise is about dis cov er ing cre ative ways to tap into your sen su al ity and to radi ate the kind of sen sual 142

energy that you most aspire to. Take a few quiet, reflec tive moments with your self to make a men tal or writ ten list of what you would be will ing to try to enhance your inner sen sual vital ity. Here are some ideas to get you started: !

Sooth ingly mas sage your body head to toe with a scented lotion. As you rub each area, give praise and appre ci a tion to that part of your body for all the hard work it does for you.

!

Com pli ment your self on five areas of your body that make you unique and beau ti ful.

!

Think back on a time when part of your body pleas antly sur prised you or when some one com pli mented you about your body or your sen su al ity. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

143

53 have mercy

H

ow do you usually respond to your inner feelings of pain and vulnerability? Many people meet inner pain with denial or rejection rather than kindness and compassion for themselves. If this is the case for you, this practice will help you explore how it feels to have mercy for yourself. b Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. c Set your intention. For example, “May this practice give me com fort and peace.�

144

d Breathe or listen mind fully for a few more breaths. e Recall some dif fi culty or pain in your life. f Open your self and feel your dis tress as much as you safely can.

g As a par ent would hold their child, imag ine hold ing your self and your pain with kind ness. Speak gently to your self, say ing some thing like “It’s okay; I am okay” or “May I be safe and well.” Or use what ever words will bring you com fort.

h Repeat your phrase for as long as you like. i Keep it with you day and night. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

145

54 shoulders of loving-kindness

S

ome days more than others, you may feel bogged down by heartache or sadness. Depression is difficult to shake off easily without some help and support. Tonglen, a Buddhist practice, is a powerful visualization wherein one actually takes on the pain of the world. Knowing about the Tonglen practice—how others are taking on our pain—we can imagine this loving support and compassion present for ourselves at all times.

This exer cise involves imag in ing the whole world shoul der ing some of your pain and suf fer ing for a moment. Take 146

these five min utes to imag ine some one else pro vid ing the lov ing sup port and reas sur ance that you need right now. Around the globe, there is boun ti ful ten der ness and com pas sion for all that you’re going through—enough to go around for every one. Tap ping into a visu al iza tion of this expan sive global sup port net work will help you feel less alone and iso lated. Use this imag ery of a thou sand gen tle care tak ers around the planet to lighten your load and bring a sense of com fort. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

147

55 deeper communication

T

oo often we communicate without being present: listening without really hearing and sometimes speaking without really thinking. Next time you’re communicating with someone, by phone, e-mail, or text message, or in direct conversation, use the following practice to explore a deeper relationship: b Breathe mind fully for a few breaths, bring ing your focus to the other person.

c Relax, stop doing any thing else, and really take in what the other person is com mu ni cat ing. Hear 148

their words, the tones, the pauses. If their com mu ni ca tion is in writ ing, really read every word.

d As you lis ten or read, anchor your self in the pres ent moment with some mind ful breaths now and then.

e Notice how the ten dency to com pose an answer, argue, agree, or cre ate sto ries in your mind all take atten tion away from what the other per son is com mu ni cat ing to you. As best you can, let go of all that chat ter. Just lis ten whole heart edly.

f When respond ing, devote the same level of atten tion and inten tion to your own com mu ni ca tion. Don’t just reel off a pat answer; offer a response that acknowl edges and addresses what the other has said.

Let your words come from deep within. You may be sur prised. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

149

56 permission to cr y

W

hen was the last time you had a good cry? You might have teared up during a sentimental movie, after a breakup, or when remembering a sweeter time. Do you give yourself permission to cry and release? Or do you hold back your tears and feel bottled up? Despite the out-of-control feelings you may experience when you cry, doing so frees your mind and body from the constant need to be in control of your feelings. Crying can heal the soul, and children seem to know instinctively the benefits of a good

150

cry. Sometimes the best remedy for your bucket of woes is to have yourself a good old-fashioned cry.

Take a few moments to reflect on the myr iad of emo tions that you’ve been sup press ing through out the day in order to main tain your job, rela tion ships, and respon si bil i ties. Release those emo tions by giv ing your self per mis sion to blub ber, sob, weep, com plain, and wal low as much as you need to. After you’ve had a fair amount of time to lament your troubles, it’s impor tant to prac tice self-care—to be kind and com pas sion ate, lov ing and gen tle with your self, as a par ent would be for an upset child. Fol low up with a hug, a cup of hot cocoa, a call to a sup port ive friend, or a sooth ing bath. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

151

57 appreciate someone

S

tress and the hurry and worries of daily life can lead to feelings of separation and isolation even from those dearest to us.

Kind attention is the key to restoring your sense of connection with loved ones. This practice will help you rekindle your appreciation for and connection to someone close to you. b Before leav ing work in the eve ning, take time to sit qui etly.

c Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute.

152

d Set your inten tion. For exam ple, “May this prac tice help me feel a deeper con nec tion with _______ [say their name to your self here].”

e Bring the image of the named loved one into your heart and mind.

f Reflect on how this per son loves and sup ports you.

Recall a spe cific act or some kind words.

g Allow and acknowl edge any feel ings that arise, includ ing love, appre ci a tion, and grat i tude.

h When you next see your loved one, hold them close, mind fully, and say thank you. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

153

58 body mantra

E

ven when the workday is behind you, you may find that you experience all of your stored-up pain and muscle tension at the end of the day. While you have a sense of relief to be home, you may feel your neck stiffening or have shooting pains running up and down your back. The following self-hypnosis will guide you in visualizing your body’s ability to reduce muscle strain and fatigue. You can do this visualization sitting or standing, whichever is more comfortable.

154

b Take a few slow and relax ing breaths before you begin.

c Scan your body to iden tify the places where you store your ten sion—feet, back, arms, shoul ders, and so on.

d Once you’ve located these spe cific areas, begin train ing your body to relax by say ing, “I am send ing peace and com fort through out my body. When I am in a relaxed state of being, my body works inher ently and instinc tively to heal my aches and sore ness.”

e As you begin to feel the release of ten sion in your body, reaf firm to your self, “I will feel more alert and refreshed after this mind ful prac tice.” T

five good minutes in the evening

•

155

59 tune out the negative tape loop

T

he highway to relaxation doesn’t come with a simple road map. The critical inner voice, anxious concerns, and an endless list of things undone can interfere with your ability to unwind.

This next meditation is for liberating yourself from those mind traps so you can achieve a genuinely tranquil state of being. b Find a com fort able place to sit, then slowly count back from the num ber ten, stay ing in tune with your cir cu lar breath ing rhythm.

156

c Select a sin gle word or phrase to cor re spond with each inha la tion, and another for each exha la tion. For exam ple, with each inha la tion you might think “patience,” and with each exha la tion, “per se ver ance.”

Or con cen trate on “I am calm” as you inhale and “I am well” as you exhale.

d As you breathe in and out, begin to con cen trate on your cor re spond ing words: “Calm” as you inhale, “Peace” as you exhale, “Calm” as you inhale, “Peace” as you exhale, and so on.

e When your mind wan ders, gently return to your words and breath ing for focus.

f As you come out of your med i ta tion, be aware of your sur round ings, the sights and sounds, and the eas ing of your mind and body. T five good minutes in the evening

•

157

60 lend a helping hand

D

oing for others is a beautiful way to connect, and to shift away from any inner feelings of isolation and upset. Experiment with the following practice. Not only will it benefit your loved one, it’s also an avenue for your own self-discovery. b Notice when some one needs help—doing dishes, laun dry, home work, any thing.

c Offer to help.

158

d Breathe mind fully for a few breaths. Bring mind ful atten tion to your inner life as you join in the task.

e Acknowl edge any inner resis tance you feel. Speak kindly to this part. Say some thing like “I know you’re upset. Don’t worry; we will take care of you.”

Speak kindly to your self.

f Bring atten tion to the task itself. Be pres ent as you work and pay atten tion on pur pose to each detail.

g Offer the work, your part ner, and yourself a smile at times.

h Let your mind and heart open and soften as you work. Feel the sat is fac tion that comes from help ing your loved one. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

159

61 pools of kindness

T

he mind-body connection is well documented in medical science and by health practitioners. Tackle the stressors that lead to your aching muscles and frayed nerves with a holistic approach that speaks to all sides of yourself—physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. When you practice compassion for yourself, you engage directly in an intimacy with all life on the planet and across the cosmos. When you’re gentle and tender with yourself, you’re practicing being gentle and tender with others and with

160

the natural world around you. Try out the following mind-body visualization for healing. b Sit in a com fort able position in a quiet room. c Imag ine a golden light sur round ing you in a bil lowy cloud of reassur ance.

d See your self being air lifted off a run way of frus tra tion and sore mus cles and being trans ported to a pool of water filled with kind hearted and car ing warm cur rents that brush past your shoul ders like min nows.

e Your men tal cleanse in this pool of kind ness will wash away achy mus cles and restore a smooth, sup ple feel ing through out your body.

f As you return from this calm ing mind wash, you’ll feel refreshed and open to receiv ing your fam ily’s needs and desires. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

161

62 the value of forgiveness

W

hether we acknowledge it or not, we pay an enormous cost for unresolved anger, grudges, and grievances. What if baby steps toward forgiveness could open up your doors to healing and deepening your connections to yourself and your loved ones?

Learning to forgive can help you release some of the emotional baggage that weighs you down like cumbersome sandbags. When you find pathways for forgiveness, you start changing how you respond to people who may not behave the way you want them to.

162

Unlock ing for give ness does n’t mean you con done the act that hurt you, nor does it require any con fron ta tion or acknowl edg ment from any one. For give ness is a mind ful prac tice that starts from within your soul and will rever ber ate through out your being. Begin by focus ing on a spe cific sit u a tion or per son that you’d like to for give. Next, set your inten tions by say ing aloud, “I have the capac ity to be a for giv ing per son. By for giv ing, I am find ing peace inside in order to be capa ble of love and trust again. For give ness is for me alone and will allow me to move for ward with my life.” T

five good minutes in the evening

•

163

63 what do you want to do?

A

ttention is a precious gift. Stopping, asking, and listening is a potent combination to connect with others—and with yourself.

When you arrive home from work, try taking five good minutes to hear what a good friend—you—wants to do. b Soon after arriv ing home, sit or lie down com fort ably where you won’t be dis turbed.

c Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. d Set your intention. For example, “May this practice help me know myself better.”

164

e Breathe mind fully for a few more breaths, allow ing feel ings of calm and ease to come to you.

f As you feel more relaxed and your atten tion becomes steadier, ask your self some thing like “What would I really like to do tonight?” or “What would be really enjoy able tonight?”

g Lis ten deeply for your answer. Honor it. Allow your self to be sur prised. Learn about your self.

h Enjoy! T

five good minutes in the evening

•

165

64 time for you and me

H

ow many times have you said to yourself, “Where did my evening go?” Somewhere between six o’clock and bedtime—your time off to chill out alone, tend to a couple of projects, or just check in with your family or friends—was swallowed up into the vortex of lost time. If this scenario happens often enough, it can become routine, and you may feel cheated out of the quality time that you really need for nurturing the relationships that matter the most in your life, including your relationship with yourself.

Since there will always be a multitude of responsibilities 166

demanding your attention, you may need to make a special effort to give your relationships the care and devotion that they deserve.

This exer cise is about set ting aside five min utes to check in with your self and a loved one and sched ul ing some qual ity time together. b Take a moment to scan your address book for a friend whom you’d like to recon nect with, or you might ask your part ner for a date.

c Arrange for a time to get together, and after you’ve done so, mark your cal en dar and express to the other per son how impor tant this date is for you.

d Remind the other per son about your date a day or two ahead of time. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

167

65 the compassionate heart

I

t’s all too easy to fall into a constricted perspective driven by self-interest and fueled by feelings of isolation and worry, and this can happen without your realizing it. A potent remedy for such confinement is compassion, opening your heart to the pain someone else is feeling. This practice will help you explore compassion and discover how it may be an antidote to your own troubles.

168

b Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. c Set your inten tion. For exam ple, “May this prac tice soften my heart and give me joy.”

d Think of some one you know who is fac ing pain or dif fi culty.

e Breathe or listen mind fully as you focus on them.

Acknowl edge their dis tress.

f Imag ine speak ing kindly to them, as a lov ing par ent would to an injured child, say ing “May your pain be eased” or “May you find peace.” Or express this in your own words.

g Repeat your phrase qui etly as long as you like. h End by becom ing silent. Notice what you feel. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

169

66 write it out

Y

ou may not think of yourself as a writer or as someone who would keep a journal, but immeasurable emotional healing can come out of writing your thoughts and feelings down, either in a journal or on paper to be tossed out. Writing helps you articulate, clarify, and release pent-up emotions, and it can also give you a renewed perspective. When you don’t find creative outlets for your stress, anger, sadness, or confusion, these stored-up sentiments fester inside and can lead to disease.

170

Take a cou ple of min utes to jot down exactly what thoughts are claw ing at your mind and what feel ings are dis tress ing your heart. You are writ ing only for your self, so take this oppor tu nity to be as truth ful and uncen sored as you pos si bly can. Write from the gut. Write with the inten tion to set free your wor ri some or upset ting thoughts. If it helps you write more freely, you can throw away, burn, or oth er wise destroy what you’ve writ ten. Doing so can also sym bol ize let ting those trou ble some thoughts go. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

171

67 your good neighbor

H

ow often do you stop and acknowledge the importance of your neighbors in making your house a home? This practice invites you to take five good minutes and wish your neighbor well. When you next speak to your neighbor, let this practice inspire you. b Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. c Set your intention. For example, “May this practice deepen my connection with my neighbors.�

172

d Pic ture one of your neigh bors or a group of your neigh bors.

e Breathe or listen mind fully. Recall how your neigh bor sup ports you.

f Imag ine speak ing to them in a friendly tone and wish ing them well, say ing “May you be safe and peace ful” or “May you be healthy and happy.” Or use what ever words feel appro pri ate to you.

g Repeat the phrases qui etly and kindly to your self for as long as you like.

h End by sit ting silently for a few breaths. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

173

68 an ounce of appreciation

O

ne way to loosen stress’s vise grip on your life is to soften to the beauty all around you, opening your heart and mind to the kindness and joy that other people and pets bring to your life.

It’s harder to stay frustrated and angry when you’re busy focusing on the goodness that surrounds you.

This prac tice invites you to keep a run ning men tal or writ ten list of what you appre ci ate about your fam ily, friends, and pets, and even your self. Here are some ideas for the types of things your list might include: 174

!

I am a strong and resil ient per son and have sur vived dif fi cult times with dig nity and grace.

!

I’m lucky to have gen er ous and car ing peo ple in my life.

!

I’m grate ful that my part ner loves me despite my flaws and short com ings.

!

My best friend has a great sense of humor, which helps me to lighten up and laugh.

!

My pet reminds me daily that I am loved and needed. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

175

69 never alone

I

n your next mindful breath, or through your next mindful moment, the world might reach out its hand to you. You need never feel alone if you can receive the unfolding gift of life. This practice will help you develop a sense of how you’re an integral part of the whole of the universe. b Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. c Set your intention. For example, “May this practice deepen my sense of belonging and con nection.”

d Breathe mind fully for a few more breaths.

176

e Shift your atten tion to sounds. f Open to and receive all sounds directly, and mind fully. Focus on each sound’s vibra tion, not names or sto ries you attach to the sounds. Include the space between sounds.

g Imag ine that the vibra tions are reach ing out to com fort you. Imag ine that the uni verse itself is reach ing out to you, in the total ity of its rich ness and whole ness—kindly—through each sound vibra tion.

h Enjoy the vari ety—loud, soft, harsh, peace ful, urgent, steady, happy, what ever. Feel the vibra tion.

Let this deep vibra tion and inter con nec tion with the uni verse enliven your heart, mind, and body.

i Rec og nize how the univer sal energies are always flow ing in and through you. You can not fall out of the uni verse. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

177

70 take stock of your life

I

f you are to truly practice living a life of purpose, intention, and gratitude, then you need to take inventory of every conceivable aspect of your life—material, emotional, mental, and spiritual. There’s no time like the present to take stock and appraise the contents of your life in terms of their value to you. Ask yourself the following questions to help you get started on your path toward a life of greater meaning, focus, integrity, and appreciation:

178

!

Do my belong ings, atti tudes, goals, obli ga tions, com mit ments, rela tion ships, hab its, dreams, and ward robe reflect my val ues?

!

Do they fit my cur rent life style?

!

Do they con tinue to serve me or give me plea sure?

!

In what ways do they drain my energy, hin der my hap pi ness, or oth er wise not serve me well?

!

What are some small changes or adjust ments I could make this week to begin the pro cess of weed ing out the things that slow me down or dimin ish my qual ity of life? T

five good minutes in the evening

•

179

71 only this

R

elationships are complex. We give and take, please and annoy, satisfy and disappoint. However, a loving relationship shouldn’t require bartering. Perhaps being present with kind and compassionate attention is more what love is about.

What if you did n’t always have to “do it right” or get what you “need”? What if you were to drop those sto ries for even a short five min utes?

180

b Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. c Set your inten tion. For exam ple, “May this prac tice enrich my rela tion ship.”

d Breathe or listen mind fully for a few more breaths. e Focus on an impor tant rela tion ship, and specif i cally on the other per son.

f Ask this ques tion: “What do I expect from you?”

Lis ten for the answer.

g Ask another ques tion: “What if I expected or asked noth ing from you?” Lis ten for that answer.

Acknowl edge and honor all of the responses.

h What do you feel and notice? T

five good minutes in the evening

•

181

72 lower your standards

I

f you set high standards for yourself in regard to fulfilling the needs of others, then “no� can be the hardest word in your vocabulary to verbalize. You may suffer from feelings of terrible guilt or anxiety when yet another everyday obligation leaps into your path. It takes tremendous determination and practice to relax your standards. But learning to say no may save your life; it may rescue you from the unceasing clutches of a life overburdened

182

with too many obligations, extra side projects, invitations, and unnecessary deadlines that steal away your precious energy and time.

Take a few moments to exer cise your free dom to say no to things that zap your energy. Say ing no will bol ster your self-respect and your abil ity to put your needs first. Remind your self that it’s never too late to call some one back and say, “Some thing unex pected came up and I can’t make it. Thanks for think ing of me.” Or you might say, “Thanks for the invi ta tion, but it con flicts with other plans.” This is true: those “other” plans are for tak ing care of you. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

183

73 the pet who loves you

W

ith a bark, a purr, a bounce, a wiggle, or a moving tail, your pet lets you know how happy they are to see you. Try taking five good minutes to really be with your loving friend. b Engag ing with your pet, pay atten tion mind fully to what’s hap pen ing.

c Let your self receive the expe ri ence as it unfolds, notic ing your inner sense of joy, love, excite ment, or any thing else you may feel.

184

d Notice the way your pet moves, hear the sounds they make, feel the tex ture of their fur, gaze at their face and into their eyes.

e Open to the give-and-take and be pres ent for your own speak ing and play ing. Breathe and lis ten mind fully if it helps you stay pres ent and con nected.

f If your atten tion wan ders or judg ments arise, kindly notice what’s hap pened and bring your atten tion back to your pet.

g Allow your self to receive the gifts of love, com pan ion ship, and belong ing. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

185

74 optimism breather

A

s workload pressures build, you may feel frustrated, irritated, angry, or resigned. At times you may even convince yourself that your boss, coworkers, family, and friends don’t care and don’t want to help. Though it’s natural to have these negative thoughts when you’re tired and frustrated, it can wreak havoc in your personal relationships. You can begin to reduce this tension before you take it out on the ones you love by taking an optimism breather. Take the next five minutes to follow these simple steps to serenity: 186

b When stress ful times flare up, at work or at home, find a place to sit qui etly in a chair with your back rest ing com fort ably.

c If you can, shut your door, turn off your cell phone, and close your eyes.

d Take sev eral dia phrag matic breaths. e Now think back on a time when you felt deeply happy, when you were laugh ing with con tent ment or love was flut ter ing through out your body. Let this feel ing of joy encir cle you.

f Allow this feel ing of light ness and hope to form a smile on your face. Visu al ize this smile melt ing away your stress and help ing you restore a sense of ease and clar ity as you go about your busi ness. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

187

75 just listen

P

erhaps the most valuable gift we can offer another is our wholehearted attention. Unfortunately, when in conversation we often pay more attention to our inner response than to the actual words of the other. To counter this tendency, try the following experiment in mindful listening. Throughout this practice, use mindful breathing to stay focused and present.

188

b The next time you’re in a con ver sa tion, breathe mind fully for a few breaths.

c Remind your self that you are exper i ment ing with mind ful lis ten ing.

d As the other speaks, bring atten tion to them and just lis ten. Let go of your own reac tions, your inner reply or argu ment, and even efforts to please or show inter est.

e When your mind wan ders, breathe mind fully to steady your focus.

f Notice any thoughts of your own with out becom ing diverted by them; instead, breathe mind fully, and just lis ten.

g Main tain your kind, spa cious atten tion dur ing times of silence, invit ing the other per son to share any thing else they need to say. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

189

preparing for a good night ’s rest

76 heed the call of a tired body and a wear y mind

A

t some point in the evening, you may notice you feel tired and dull in mind and body. If you wonder “Am I tired?” or “Should I go to bed?” try taking five good minutes to connect with your body, heart, and mind. b Kindly prac tice mind ful breath ing or lis ten ing for about a min ute.

192

c Gently shift your atten tion to your mind, heart, and body. Allow all sen sa tions and expe ri ences to come to you, receiv ing them as you pay atten tion.

d Notice sen sa tions in your tired body: heavi ness in your limbs, sink ing eye lids, or low energy, for exam ple.

e Notice whether your men tal alert ness is dimin ished; for exam ple, note any dif fi culty con cen trat ing or a feel ing of dull ness.

f Extend your aware ness to your emo tions. Do you have any feel ings of upset, irri ta tion, or even resis tance to going to sleep? Name them kindly, acknowl edg ing their pres ence.

g Learn to rec og nize the call of your tired body and weary mind, then offer them relief. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

193

77 relaxing mind tonic

A

fter a hectic day of work, errands, and responsibilities, getting a good night’s sleep might seem like attempting to stop a fast-moving train on a downhill slope without brakes. Thoughts and tasks for tomorrow’s agenda may be spinning and swirling in your mind with no hope for rest in sight.

Tonight, before you head off to bed, take a cou ple of min utes to make a cup of calm ing herbal tea, such as cham o mile or pep per mint. (Some herbal teas can be stim u lat ing, so choose wisely or seek advice if you’re uncer tain.) Even if 194

you don’t have a taste for the tea, the rit ual of pre par ing it is part of the pas sage of calm ing your nerves. Dur ing this pro cess, take notice of every detail: What mug did you select?

How does the tea smell, even before you brew it? Notice the sound of the ket tle fill ing with water, the feel of its weight in your hand, the hiss ing of water drops dis si pat ing on the stove, the heat ema nat ing from the ket tle, the boil ing water splash ing into your cup, the ten drils of white steam ris ing from your tea, and the calm ing aro matic fra grance. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

195

78 release this day

W

hile lying in bed and waiting for sleep, if you pay attention to your heart, mind, and body, you may notice patterns of holding onto the events of your day, perhaps even resistance to letting go of them. This can interfere with a good night’s sleep.

Try taking five good minutes to consciously release your day. b Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. c Set your inten tion. For exam ple, “May I release this day and wel come peace and calm within.”

196

d Imag ine that your breath moves through all parts of you—your heart (emo tions), mind, and body. As your breath moves nat u rally in and out, imag ine that it brings calm and ease and car ries away rest less ness, stress, and upset.

e Try speak ing kindly to any partic u lar part of you that’s in distress, whether phys i cal, emo tional, or men tal. Say some thing like “Thank you for all you do; you can rest now. You are released.”

f Try speak ing to yourself kindly, say ing some thing like “May the high est good come from all my actions today. I release them, and myself. May I be at peace.”

g End by breath ing or lis ten ing mind fully for a few more breaths. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

197

79 tension buster

A

s you go through your day, you may store stress and tension in your body without being aware of doing so, and without knowing where you store it. The goal of the following practice, a full-body scan is to reconnect you with where your body may be stockpiling your tension and to flood that area with intentional relaxation. As you do the exercise below, you’ll probably feel your stored-up tension when you direct your focus to that part of your body. Another signal that you’ve got tension in an area is if you feel tight or sore when you are focused on a particular area.

198

b Lying in bed on your back with your eyes closed, breathe mind fully for one full min ute.

c Now con cen trate on the soles of your feet. Con sciously tighten the mus cles of your feet for a few sec onds, hold ing tight, and then release.

d Con cen trate on your stom ach mus cles. Con sciously tighten the mus cles of your stom ach for a few sec onds, hold ing tight, and then release.

e Con cen trate on the muscles of your face. Con sciously tighten the mus cles of your face for a few sec onds, hold ing tight, and then release.

f Repeat this pro cess of tight en ing the mus cles in par tic u lar areas—your neck, back, legs, and so on— where you might be hold ing your ten sion, and then releas ing.

g Con tinue your mind ful breath ing as you relax into a peace ful sleep. T five good minutes in the evening

•

199

80 finish your business

W

hen difficult situations remain unresolved, it can impact your ability to relax and get a good night’s sleep. Try to recognize when you’re feeling particularly stuck or are struggling with something, someone, or some event from your day. This could be a good time to take five good minutes to deal with unfinished business. b Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. c Set your intention. For example, “May this practice help me find peace.”

200

d Breathe or listen mind fully for a bit lon ger. e Turn your atten tion to what ever is disturb ing you.

Give it a name: my health prob lem, my rela tion ship, or my work sit u a tion, for exam ple.

f Breathe mind fully and gently ask, “What is needed for peace in this sit u a tion?” Lis ten patiently for any answer that comes. Lis ten deeply and with out judg ment. The answer may be a sin gle word, or it may be an image or a sound. Ask your ques tion again if it helps.

g If you get no mean ing ful answer, notice that. Rec og nize that some things take more time than oth ers.

Acknowl edge that you have asked, and affirm that you’ll revisit the ques tion as often as you need to.

Let it all be for now. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

201

81 stop this racehorse, I want to get off

W

hy is it that no matter how dog tired we are, our emotions can keep us up half the night? The litany of “why me?� questions can riddle your tender heart and make you feel isolated and alone.

Bedtime may be the hour when all your fears and uncertainties creep back in and agonize you endlessly. Take a few moments to follow this practice for emotional release: b Begin by unbolt ing the flood gate for all your wor ries and fears, hurt feel ings and dis ap point ments.

202

That’s right, give them free rein on the race track of your mind for a full min ute.

c Now focus on a partic u lar emo tion, such as lone li ness, and cre ate a ver bal for mula for help ing you bring that feel ing to a stand still. You may find it visu ally help ful to imag ine your thoughts and feel ings as horses and that you have the power to pull on the reins and bring them to a halt.

d Say aloud, “My lone li ness [or other emotion] is a part of what keeps my heart beat ing strong, but tonight I am get ting off that ride. I am putt ing my emp ti ness to sleep.”

e Con tinue with your other emo tions, say ing “Tonight I am bring ing my feel ings of __________ to a stop. I am putt ing this emo tion to rest.” T

five good minutes in the evening

•

203

82 staircase to sleepy-town

F

ew things are worse than the agony of tossing and turning and ultimately finding yourself unable to sleep. Read through the following brief self-hypnosis script and then put it into practice to begin easing your way into a good night’s rest. b Close your eyes and fol low the pace of your breath ing mind fully to cen ter you in the pres ent.

c Ease your mind by say ing, “I am feel ing my body grow ing heavier and heavier, loos en ing and relax ing with each breath. I am feeling my mind 204

evap o rat ing into the clouds.” Or you might repeat these words to your self: “drowsy, com fort able, relaxed, at ease.”

d Now visu al ize a stair case that leads down to a place that calms you. With each step, you will become grad u ally more com fort able and more serene. Every step takes you deeper into com plete tran quil lity.

e Take a moment to imag ine your mind and body float ing above the stair case, weight less, unbound, and unfet tered. You will begin feel ing the sen sa tion of drift ing deeper and deeper, feel ing more and more drowsy, spi ral ing down ward into total relax ation. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

205

83 feel gratitude for this day

R

estful sleep is promoted by feelings of well-being and ease at bedtime. Unfortunately, your mind may often habitually dwell on negative or worrisome topics just when rest is near.

This sim ple prac tice of grat i tude can help shift your expe ri ence from worry to ease. b Lying in bed, breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute.

c Set your intention. For example, “May this practice free my heart and mind for rest ful sleep.�

206

d Breathe or listen mind fully for a few more breaths. e Recall and reflect on one good thing that hap pened or came to you this day. Relax, take some time, and open deeply to the expe ri ence. Feel the good wishes, the sup port, and the secu rity that you received from this gift.

f If you become aware of more things you’re grateful for, feel their good ness deeply, too.

g Let go of any crit i cal judg ments, com ments, or sto ries about the things you’re grate ful for.

h Rest in the good ness and say thank you. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

207

84 star-filled nights

W

hen was the last time you stood outside beneath the stars?

Even if you live in a city where you can’t see them or at times when fog or clouds block your view, you know with absolute certainty that you’re standing under the magnificent array of stars that stretch across the universe.

Let your self spend a few min utes star gaz ing tonight, expe ri enc ing the sen sa tions that only a sun set or moon beams can bring to your mind, body, and spirit. Take notice of the still ness in the air, the chill against your skin, the 208

cho rus of crick ets, the sweet scent of hon ey suckle, and the qui et ing of life all around you. Imag ine all the peo ple tucked away safely in their beds, snug gled beneath warm blan kets, and drift ing off to sleep. Imag ine all the dreams that are encir cling their uncon scious minds, trans port ing them in time shut tles to dis tant places, strange lands, and stranger sto ries.

Soon, you’ll be there too. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

209

85 fire, earth, water, air

Y

ou’ve taken care of everyone’s needs: dinner is over, the kids are tucked in, the chores are done, and the cat is fed. You made sure everyone else is nourished, safe, and loved, but what about you? Perhaps it’s been this way for so long that you don’t even know what your needs are anymore. This grounding exercise will support you in connecting with your true inner needs and desires.

210

b Start with your breath ing. As you inhale, acknowledge that oth ers are cared for and secure; as you exhale, acknowl edge that now it’s time to take care of you.

c Visu al ize the four elements of nature that we can not exist with out and that ground us to this planet: fire, earth, water, and air. Empty your mind and imag ine the room is filled with can dle light, bath ing you in its warmth and glow. Even as you’re car ried along with the earth’s rota tion, you remain firmly rooted to the ground. Let the cool, crys tal blue waters of calm wash over you and carry your bur dens down stream. With every breath, your lungs fill with the life-giv ing forces of air.

d In this med i ta tive space, allow your needs and desires to sur face. Honor and acknowl edge them. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

211

86 say good night to your mind

H

ave you ever noticed that your mind often doesn’t seem to know when your body is trying to sleep? It may help to treat a busy mind like a restless child at bedtime. As you’re lying in bed, try this practice: b Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. c Set your inten tion. For exam ple, “May I treat my busy mind with the kind ness and patience of a lov ing par ent.”

212

d Gently bring your atten tion to the thoughts and images buzz ing in your mind.

e Speak gently and qui etly to your busy mind, as if speak ing to a rest less or wor ried child, say ing some thing along these lines: “Thank you for all you do.

It’s time to rest now. You can play tomor row. Time to sleep. Good night.”

f Breathe mind fully, allow ing your self to relax. g You may have to visit your busy mind a few more times. Always speak kindly, as if speak ing to a child. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

213

87 bedtime rituals

I

f kids can have bedtime rituals, why can’t you? Tonight, be mindful of your bedtime routine and be fully present in each moment-to-moment ritual. Take extra care in brushing your teeth, washing your face, drying your hands, changing into your comfy pajamas, pulling back the blankets, fluffing your favorite pillow, and hugging yourself good night.

Before turn ing out the lights, read your self a bed time story or try to remem ber one that was told to you when you were a child. Sing yourself a lul laby or a song that you 214

remem ber from when you were young. When you were lit tle, you likely did silly things to keep the night mares and scary mon sters away. Take five min utes to close your closet door, sneak a flash light beneath your cov ers, and retell that bed time story to your self or your part ner. Think about what or who made you feel safe when you were young. Con sider what you could do for your self tonight to feel pro tected and secure. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

215

88 your precious life

Y

our ability to sleep can be hijacked by stress from the day or memories of difficult situations. If you begin to feel isolated, overwhelmed, or vulnerable, this can further interfere with restful sleep. Spending a few minutes reflecting on a larger view of your life can help to restore peace and calm as you prepare for sleep. b Shortly before or after going to bed, breathe or lis ten mind fully for about a min ute.

c Acknowl edge this day as one of many days in a month, a year, and over the years of your life time.

216

d Recall that you have had many days—good and bad; many rela tion ships—pleas ing and pain ful; many expe ri ences—pleas ant and unpleas ant.

e Breathe mind fully. f Allow your self to feel deeply the full ness and the rich ness of your life, remem ber ing that life is made of much more than just one day or one event.

g Can you feel grat i tude for the vari ety and pre cious ness of your life? T

five good minutes in the evening

•

217

89 media vacation

A

s if it’s not enough that we spend our days inundated by a constant barrage of sound pollution—car horns, shrieking sirens, people talking, planes overhead, incessant phone calls—how many of us spend our evenings with the TV blasting in one room, the radio blaring down the hall, the phone ringing off the hook, and the neighbor’s dog barking all night long?

For the next five min utes, declare that no one in the house will turn on the tele vision, com puter, or ste reo. While you’re at it, go ahead and unplug the phone. Take the bold 218

and cou ra geous steps to tem po rarily dis con nect. You need and deserve at least five solid min utes of abso lute silence窶馬o argu ments, no gossip, not a murmur or a whisper from anyone for a whole five silent, sacred minutes of reprieve. (Hug ging, kiss ing, and smil ing are encouraged!) T

five good minutes in the evening

窶｢

219

90 wish yourself a good night ’s rest

B

eing kind to others often comes easily. Being kind to yourself can, unfortunately, be more difficult. Bedtime is a good time to practice kindness to yourself. Try wishing yourself a good night’s sleep just as you would wish the same to a loved one or a child. b As you’re lying in bed await ing sleep, breathe or lis ten mind fully for about a min ute.

c Set your intention. For example, “May this practice help me rest well.”

220

d Breathe mind fully for a few more breaths, allow ing ease and relax ation to come to you.

e Place one or both hands on your chest, over your heart.

f Con nect with feel ings of kind ness or friend li ness within, such as the feel ings you hold for a loved one or a dear friend.

g Speak kindly to your self, as if speak ing to that loved one, and wish your self a good night’s rest. For exam ple, tell your self, “Sleep well,” “May I rest deeply and well,” or “Pleas ant dreams, my friend.”

h Allow peace, ease, and relax ation to come to you. i Good night. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

221

91 spiritual force

A

fter a long, arduous day filled with responsibilities and demands, bedtime can be an opportunity to get in touch with your spiritual side. Whether you consider yourself religious or not, you’ve undoubtedly pondered the mysteries of life. When you open yourself to the unknown workings of the universe, you are taking the time to acknowledge your purpose and meaning on the planet.

As you tuck your self beneath the cov ers tonight, take a few minutes to step outside the clutter of your daily 222

rou tine and its never-end ing details and explore the depths of what is sacred in your life. As you set tle into a relaxed breath ing pat tern, con tem plate the per fec tion of the forces that have brought you to this time and place and granted you your unique life, with all its rich ness and com plex ity. Con sider that this mir a cle of exis tence repeats itself end lessly through time and space. Con tem plate the fol low ing ques tions as a means of guid ing your mind, body, and spirit toward this infi nite journey of the soul: !

Who am I? Why am I here?

!

How am I a part of what is beau ti ful and mirac u lous on this planet?

!

What expe ri ences or activ i ties make me feel con nected to life out side myself? T

five good minutes in the evening

•

223

92 time to rest

T

he key to this practice is to not try to make anything happen! It is good enough to soften and to receive the experiences that come to you. b Lying com fort ably in bed, breathe or lis ten mind fully for about a min ute.

c Set your inten tion. For exam ple, “May I receive the gifts of ease and relax ation in body, mind, and heart.�

224

d Bring your atten tion to the physi cal sen sa tions of your body. Speak to your body kindly, for exam ple, say ing “Thank you for all you did today. You may rest now.”

e Breathe or listen mind fully for a few breaths. f Bring atten tion to your heart and mind. If there is busy ness or dis tress, speak kindly, say ing, for exam ple, “You have done enough today. Time to rest.”

g Con tinue to breathe or lis ten mind fully, and to speak kindly to your body, mind, and heart.

h End by let ting it all go. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

225

93 mental holiday

O

n the nights when your stress and worries creep into your bed, you need a quick and easy escape route. Take the next five minutes to visualize your perfect vacation. Imagine a getaway that brings you limitless serenity and calm, a place such as a beach, a forest, or a river. Once you’ve thought of your special place, take notice of what it is about this environment that makes it calm and relaxing. !

226

Is it the end less sound of waves wash ing on the shore? Is it the wind rus tling through the trees? Is

it the sound of flow ing water, or is it per haps the silence—the absence of the sounds of civ i li za tion? !

Is it the warmth of the sun on your shoul ders or the feel of warm sand beneath your feet? Is it the smell of freshly mown grass or the crisp scent of autumn in the air?

!

Are you lying in a ham mock or sit ting under a tree?

Are you read ing a book, watch ing a sun set, or just doing noth ing?

!

Are you caught up in the lush beauty that sur rounds you or are you engulfed in the silent moment and the utter still ness of life itself?

Carry this calm ing imag ery with you as you drift into sleep. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

227

94 good night, my friend

F

eeling a sense of connection and belonging is not only a great source of support and well-being, it can also support a good night’s sleep. This practice invites you to acknowledge and rest in the benefits of an important connection in your life. b Shortly before or after going to bed, breathe or lis ten mind fully for about a min ute.

c Set your intention. For example, “May this practice bring me ease and rest.”

228

d Think of a good friend. Pic ture that person as clearly as you can. Let your self feel the warmth and sup port of their friend ship.

e Imag ine you’re speak ing to your friend. Wish them well, using phrases like “May you be safe and pro tected,” “May you be filled with joy,” or any other words you like.

f Repeat your phrase qui etly for as long as you like. g End by say ing good night to your friend. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

229

95 empty your mind

E

ach of us lugs around a wide array of emotions, troubling thoughts, and painful feelings that can be roadblocks—detours that get in the way of uninterrupted sleep. Luckily, the most basic of actions, breathing, is a powerful compass for navigating your mind, body, and spirit toward a path of inner calm. Tonight, prop yourself up on comfy pillows in your bed and give yourself a few moments to follow this simple meditation to clear your mind and restore inner harmony.

230

b First, envi sion your body drift ing slowly upward like a kite. Feel the wind sweep ing you up into a time less con tin uum.

c As you inhale, you are breath ing in hope and all things good and pos i tive. You are absorb ing the exqui site beauty of the sky line and expand ing your poten tial to expe ri ence a free, unfet tered life.

d As you exhale, you are breath ing out bad energy, negativity, and despair.

e With each breath you feel lighter and more at ease. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

231

96 cultivate inner peace

F

or scores of centuries, Taoist practice has observed morning and evening prayers with the belief that evening rites can relax your soul, revitalize your energy, and improve your sleep.

Through these daily prayers and meditations, Taoist masters cultivate inner peace with the self and outer peace with the whole world. Take time tonight to say your prayers, to give thanks for your daily blessings, to be open to the adventures that await you, and to nurture peace within yourself.

232

b While sit ting in your bed room and breath ing mind fully and rest fully, place both your hands over your heart.

c Say aloud, “Tonight I am fol low ing in the foot steps of ancient wise ones. With each breath, I am restor ing inner and outer peace, in my heart and in the world.”

d In these quiet moments, you are free ing your self from the neg a tive thoughts and feel ings that are obstruct ing your well-being.

e Say aloud, “I am cul ti vat ing last ing wellness within myself. I am extend ing this good will beyond the lim its of my body, so that it will per me ate through out the world.” T

five good minutes in the evening

•

233

97 ecstasy infusion

W

hile you’re preparing for bed, think of a time, either from your past or more recently, when you were really happy, when the feeling of joy, laughter, and pleasure infused your every step.

Though the occasion has passed, you can re-create permanent happiness from this memory. b Once you have a vivid, joy ful moment in mind, comb your mind for details: Were you alone or with some one spe cial? Were you at a park, out to

234

lunch, or at home? What made the rec ol lec tion spe cial and happy?

c You can be a con duit for that bubbly feel ing of con tent ment. Let it per co late through out your whole body. Visu al ize hold ing this spe cial mem ory in times of sad ness, dis cour age ment, or heart ache.

d Let your blissful remem brance be your guide to find ing your way back to keep ing a smile on your face and a soft glow in your heart. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

235

98 befriend yourself

F

eelings of ease and peace, including a sense of safety, are wonderful allies for restful sleep. These feelings flow from your deep capacity for kindness and acceptance. It’s important to remember that no matter what may happen in the outer world, you can always offer yourself those gifts of kindness and acceptance.

This prac tice can help you remem ber how to befriend your self, and in so doing, to fos ter warm feel ings of well-being that can help ease you into sleep.

236

b Breathe or listen mind fully for about a min ute. c Set your inten tion. For exam ple, “May this prac tice bring me peace and a good night’s sleep.”

d Breathe or listen mind fully for a few more breaths. e Imag ine speak ing qui etly to your self, as you would speak to a dear friend, with kind ness and accep tance.

f Wish your self well, using words or phrases that speak to you on a deep level. For exam ple, you might say, “May I be safe and filled with peace,” “May I be happy and at ease,” or “May I be healed and healthy.”

g Repeat this phrase for as long as you like. h End by rest ing qui etly in silence. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

237

99 vision quest

S

ince time immemorial, cultures the world over have used the vision quest as a central rite of passage. A vision quest is a period of solitude wherein you seek inner revelation—a vision to steer your life in a direction of profound meaning and purpose. This vision quest exercise will bring you a sense of meaning or direction, as well as a sense of calm and inner stillness. The essence of this practice is to be mindful of the journey alone, not the goal or destination. You may reach the top of the mountain, or you may decide to sit down along the way and enjoy the vista. Your 238

vision quest will take you to where you were meant to go and a restful sleep will await you there. b Sit ting or lying still, close your eyes and let go of any cling ing details of your day. Your jour ney is one of the mind and spirit; no lug gage is needed.

c Begin visu al iz ing your wide, open path at the base of a sacred moun tain. As you begin your ascent mind fully, all is quiet and still, full of light and tran quil lity. Each step pro pels you for ward, sure-footed and full of con vic tion.

d Pay atten tion to your feet, your breath ing, and the world around you. Along the way, remain open to receiv ing mes sages, sym bols, and signs. Your quest for greater truth and direc tion may take the shape of a word, an ani mal, or a sacred image.

e You are trav el ing lightly and mov ing with ease. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

239

100 the web of life

A

good night’s sleep is nurtured by feelings of belonging and connectedness. Gentle acts of attention and kindness at bedtime are potent reminders of your place in the web of life, and can also help you get the rest you need. b Just before or after going to bed, breathe or lis ten mind fully for about a min ute.

c Set your intention. For example, “May this practice bring me joy and comfort.”

240

d Breathe or listen mind fully for a few more breaths. e Pic ture the whole earth, as seen from space, or pic ture a region that you espe cially like.

f Look closer, seeing all the forms of life there. g Open to and rest in your feel ings of affec tion for those life-forms.

h Wish them well, qui etly saying phrases like “May you be safe and pro tected” or “May you be happy.”

Or use what ever words are most mean ing ful to you.

i Prac tice as long as you like. T

five good minutes in the evening

•

241

Jeffrey Brantley, MD, is a con sult ing asso ci ate in the Duke Uni ver sity Depart ment of Psy chi a try in Dur ham, NC. He is founder and direc tor of the Mind ful ness-Based Stress Reduc tion Pro gram at Duke Uni ver sity’s Cen ter for Inte gra tive Med i cine, as a spokes per son for which he has given many radio, tele vi sion, and print media inter views.

He is the author of Calm ing Your Anx ious Mind.

Wendy Millstine is a free lance writer, pub lished poet, and per for mance art ist based in the Bay Area.

Start your day with five good minutes

US $14.95 • ISBN 1-57224-414-3

To order these books or request a cat a log of all our books & tapes call 1-800-748-6273 or go to www.newharbinger.com