ERASED / UNCOVERING SILENCE
/ ROSALIE OAKMAN
Erased is a series of work speaking about womxns’ sexuality , stories we keep to ourselves, hide or that are put to silence. Erased speaks about subjects that are sometimes overlooked or considered taboo. Erased is shining a light on womxns’ voices in the series of work ‘I am not one but one of many’ a safe space to express and reflect on what sexuality taught womxn and what they would have done differently or told their younger selves. Making that information available to other people, bringing awareness around the multiplicities of womxns’ sexualities.
note: I will be using the spelling ‘Womxn’; it is a spelling of ‘women’ that is a more inclusive, progressive term that not only sheds light on the prejudice, discrimination, and institutional barriers womxn have faced, but to also show that womxn are not the extension of men but their own free and separate entities. Trigger warning: mentions of sexual content, rape and abuse.
Erased also investigates the rapport of dialogue, space and trauma, with two series of work linked to my personal story: ‘where I was raped ’ and ‘le prix d’être une femme’. Both are exposing notions of non-consensual sexual interactions, and the mental aspect of what happens during and after the event. I do not bring answers with those pieces of work, but I hope to open dialogue and awareness around consent, the impact of toxic masculinity and how someone’s actions can influence a person, even if barely anything happens. I hope to also show that nothing can’t be overcome and speak of the mental weight of those events and how they integrate themselves as part of one’s story, one’s identity.
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/ Table of contents
3. Series 01/ / I am not one, but one of many
19. Series 02/ / Where I Was raped
28. Series 03/ / Le prix d’être une femme
42. / Appendice & references
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Stockings, Work In progress, sample display, Rosalie Oakman, 2021
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01/ / I am not one, but one of many.
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I am one of many people who are involved in this project, which aims to share the experiences of womxn with others so that they can listen, reflect, and learn. Through this project, I want to highlight the diverse and unique stories of womxn and show that their experiences, while often normalized, are far from normal. To do this, I am using a simple and relatable object - stockings - and embroidering the faces and stories of the womxn I interview onto them. By turning these stockings into pieces of art, I am giving them a new life and meaning that goes beyond their usual lifespan. In fact, the more damaged the stockings become, the better, as each tear represents a story and adds to the overall meaning of the project. So far, I have interviewed 20 womxn between the ages of 21 and 60, from various social and ethnic backgrounds. All of these women have willingly participated in the project and have given their consent, as outlined in a consent form. During the interviews, I ask a set of questions (see appendix), and the answer to the question ‘when you first became aware of your own sexuality, if you knew then what you know now, what would you have done differently?’ is featured in the installation. This project is very important to me and I plan to continue it for the next few years, interviewing as many womxn as possible and creating a large installation that celebrates and shares their stories.
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Why embroidery: In this project, I am combining two practices that are meaningful to me: interviewing and embroidery. I chose embroidery to create portraits because it is a part of my fine art practice to depict human figures, particularly portraits. For me, creating someone’s portrait is the most authentic way to represent their story. Each person is not just a mind or body, but also a unique individual. Linking someone’s voice with their portrait seemed like the most effective way to convey their story and identity, so I decided to use embroidery to draw with thread and honor the women involved in this project. This is the most sincere form of production that I could create to pay tribute to these womxn
Process: Before each interview, I thank the interviewee and ask for permission to record the session. I provide them with a consent form and ask them to fill in their personal information. I also ask them to choose the color of yarn they would like me to use to represent them and explain why they picked that color and how it symbolizes them. While the interviewee is speaking, I am embroidering their face live on the stocking. It generally takes me 15-30 minutes to complete the portrait. I try to minimize my participation in the conversation so that the interviewee’s answers remain authentic and are not influenced by me. At the end of the interview, I ask the interviewee to give me three words that represent sexuality the most for them, which I will embroider around their portrait later. I also ask if the interviewee has any further questions or anything they would like to add, thank them, and conclude the interview.
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When you first became aware of your own sexuality, if you knew then what you know now, what would you have done differently? Link to audio : https://soundcloud.com/rose-elizabeth-24762203/i-am-not-one-but-one-of-many ‘It’s okay to say no if you don’t want to do something, it doesn’t make you less sexy, or less of a person, you are just managing your own boundaries.’ - A. ‘don’t be a sheep, be a sheppard’ - L ‘knowing what I was searching for at the time, which was a sense of validation, wanting to be loved, the sense of wanting to be needed or beeing enough. If I heard that I was enough and that everything would be okay I would allow myself to listen to my own desires, my own body.’ -E ‘I think I would have used it for me and not for serving others.’ - R ‘ I would have allowed myself to explore without guilst, to follow that impulse whilst taking care about me and taking the proper precautions.’ - M. ‘Sadly, I think I would tell myself to beware of what happens in the world, not everyone can accept your sexuality and not do anything about it. ‘ - M ‘ If I could have understood more what bisexuality meant and had more representation in mdia but also around me I would have liked to have been able to own that title a lot more. I think I would have had a lot more sex with womxn.‘ -M ‘I would have talked more’ - C. ‘ Maybe you need to have a few bad experiences to appreciate the good ones.’ - J ‘ I don’t think I would have done anything differently, I always followed my heart, maybe I would have slept with a few less people at that age’ - J. ‘I would have been less worried about it.’- E. ‘ Like saying no, or not wanting to do something’ -S ‘I would have not started so young, I would have started by learning how to say no. I would have told my parents when things went wrong. I wouldn’t have stayed so quiet.’ - H. ‘ I would have asked more questions.’ - L. ‘I would have been a lesbian.’ -A ‘ I wish my younger self took less shit from men, believed in herself more, cared more about what she wanted, didn’t try and prove herself so much, didn’t slip into things out of politneness or akwardness, have the strengh to do what is right for you.’ - A
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Making this project grow in the future: Phase 1: I plan to continue interviewing and expanding my sample of interviewees to share as many stories as possible. In the next year or two, I hope to create an installation in a room that features the stories of these womxn. Phase 2: I aim to create a podcast that discusses the everyday sexuality of womxn, covering topics such as consent, the pleasure of sex, harassment, and the relationship with one’s body, among others. The goal is to inform people and share the knowledge gained from these interviews and personal stories.
Display: The way that the project is displayed can greatly affect its meaning. One idea I have is to hang the stockings from the ceiling, creating a multiplicity of them that is visually impactful. This display has parallels to the process of drying and washing clothes, as well as fetishism, with a focus on the feet of the womxn. I find the idea of walking through a forest of dangling stockings, listening to their voices and contemplating their faces, to be very appealing. Another display option that I am interested in, once I have more stockings, is a performance where multiple womxn, ideally the interviewees, walk around wearing the stockings while reacting to a sound installation. For my final work, I will only present one pair of stockings. I am considering displaying them on a person or mannequin to make them more tangible, or hanging them from the ceiling with some pictures of them being worn to give an idea of how they would look on someone. This display captures both the womxn and their stories. Alternatively, the empty stocking could also be a good way to represent the womxn who are no longer present.
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I plan to try out different displays in a studio space to see which one effectively communicates the message of this project. I will also make my contact information available so that any womxn can get in touch with me if they wish to participate in this series.
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02/ / Where I was raped.
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‘Rape doesn't disturb the peace, it's already part and parcel of the city.’ ― Despentes, King Kong Theory, 2009.
Kissing him. ‘Touch me. That means that you want it.’ ‘Want what?’ […] He pulls me away from the place we were kissing, and drags me by the hand to the beach. […] ‘Here, come on, it’s okay. Remove your pants.’ […] ‘What for?’ […] ‘Come on, don’t be all shy on me now. You want it.’ Tries to calm me a bit? Kisses me and seats me down in the sand. […] I can’t really remember. Starts shoving his dick in me. ‘What are you doing? Please stop.’ […] ‘no’ […] ‘no, no, no’ […]it is hurting me. He is tearing me from the inside. […] what is he really doing? […] stop. He finished. He finished. I stand up. I am covered in sand. I feel a warm liquid running down my leg. What is that? […] I put my hand to wipe it. It is blood. My hand is covered in blood. I am bleeding. I wipe my hand on the wall. I am bleeding. […] I put my pant on. […] I am bleeding. I didn’t say anything to my best friend. I borrowed her pants .. she doesn’t know they are covered in blood. […] The next day, my mum comes and picks me up at 8:30 am sharp. ‘I am going to ask for divorce. He hit me.’ How did that happen? My world was crumbling into pieces. I am bleeding. Locking myself away in a place of silence. What happened wasn’t maybe that important. I must be there for my mum. I am bleeding. […]
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This piece is a direct answer to Despentes quote. I am using an aerial view of the place where I was raped at the age of 15 in 2010. I am speaking of the silence and the stigmatisation of people who were raped. I am expressing how common it is. In the most recent statistics ‘20% of women and 4% of men have experienced some type of sexual assault since the age of 16, equivalent to 3.4 20% of women and 4% of men have experienced some type of sexual assault since the age of 16, equivalent to 3.4 million female and 631,000 male victims ‘. I am finding a way to engage a conversation about rape. It is often pushed to silence, and very few people want to hear about it. Even engaging in discussion about rape becomes taboo, an unbearable subject. I am directly taking you to the place where it happened, and letting you sit with it. I wrote in a journal type way my memories of the event. They will be made available via a QR code, I might also add the text to the back of the carpet. By walking on it, the public is slowly contributing to the silence and the erasure of the rape. Stumbling on it, ignoring it. This place has also kept on moving and living - the sand moves and renews with the tide and the people walking on it. The place is always immaculate, in constant renewal. The places forget. We as humans also forget, also move on. It isn’t always easy, but time is the way to heal and overcome those traumas, even if we will always come back to them. This production is my way, my visceral action that I am taking to rethink about that rape and make peace with it. I am hoping to get other people to talk, stop and think. I chose to make a rug because it is grounded to the floor. I was inspired by the children’s mat, where you can play with your cars. I wanted to use a soft material, and a nice and playful concept to dedramatize the hardship of the subject. The act has been so integrated, that it a ‘part and parcel of the city’, and we are now walking on it.
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Confection: I sourced the yarn for this project from Airedales, a British company whose yarn is made of 80% wool and 20% nylon. I used about 4500 grams of this yarn to create the rug. To minimize waste, I set the tufting gun on a low setting, which resulted in only 180 grams of waste. The rug was hand cut, and I used natural latex to attach the backing. However, I did have to use some spray bond glue for this purpose, which was the least sustainable aspect of the process. The backing was purchased from a family-run corner shop in Stoke Newington, which I frequently support to help keep the business alive.
Process: I began this project by building a large tufting frame at a wood workshop with the help of technicians. Once the frame was built and brought home, I stretched monk fabric over it as a base for tufting. I created a sample to test out different yarn colors, densities, and rhythms. When I was ready to move on to the main project, I projected the chosen image onto the frame and drew it. I started tufting the main lines and structures and continued until the area was fully saturated with yarn. The tufting process was physically demanding and took about a week to complete. I trimmed and sheared the front and back of the rug, saving the cuttings to gauge the amount of material used. I then applied natural latex to the back of the rug, using about 5 liters in total. After allowing it to dry for 24 hours, I repeated this process. Next, I trimmed the rug and equalized the sides. I applied spray bond glue to the back of the rug and the felt backing, using 3.5 cans for this step. I then attached the backing to the rug, massaging it to remove air bubbles, and repeated this process twice. Finally, I trimmed the edges. In total, the rug took about a month and a half to complete from the time I conceived of the tufting frame ©Oakman
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Display: I want the public to interact with this rug by walking on it, and I do not want them to remove their shoes while doing so. The degradation of the rug is a symbolic representation of the natural erosion process that occurs on the beach. This piece can also be displayed on a wall, giving the public a sense of perspective and allowing them to understand the meaning behind the slowly deteriorating rug.
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03/ / Le prix d’être une femme.
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Le prix d’être une femme I do not live in Paris anymore. It means I can’t stay out; I need to go home. ‘Come on, just one last drink. You know what? You can stay at mine. Don’t worry. Stay, drink, let’s have some fun.’ ‘Which motorbike are we riding on? Are you sure it’s safe? Haven’t we drunk to much? Okay then.’ [more drinking] ‘I am tired, where can I sleep? Are you sure I can take your bed? I really don’t mind if you sleep next to me, you’re my friend after all.’ […] ‘Guys, stop fighting, it’s silly and meaningless … There are things far worse and more important than what you are currently fighting about. ‘[falls back to sleep] I am so thirsty, goes to the bathroom and drinks water from the tap. [ goes back to bed.] He moves closer to me. Sleeping […] it’s okay. [his hands move closer to me] ‘Please stop’ [falls back to sleep.] his hands move closer to me, and he starts grabbing my body. ‘Please stop. Please. I am trying to sleep.’ [He removes his hands.] I am feeling tired, but I can’t sleep anymore. I am scared he will try to touch me again. I am feeling ill. Why am I even polite when I am asking him to stop? I shouldn’t be. […] I think I am going to throw up. […] I need water. [Goes to the bathroom, drinks from the tap.] I don’t want to go back there. I am feeling feverish. […] I am. [vomits in the toilet.] Fever. Warm. Unwell. Uncomfortable. […] the cold tiles. The carpet. [lies on the floor]. Why? Why? Why? I don’t want to go in there. […] I am so tired. […] the carpet isn’t that bad. Maybe I can stay here until morning. […] Fever. The cold floor. Dizziness. The cold floor. [falls asleep.] Finally. […] I am cold. [Goes back to bed.] ‘Where did you go?’ ‘I wasn’t feeling too well, went for water. I thought of my next piece of art. I don’t know what it will be yet, but it will be called ‘ le prix d’être une femme ‘.’ […] ‘Don’t mention to M you slept here. ‘ […] Isn’t it weird he said that? […] I thought he was my friend. - June 2020, journal extract, Rosalie Oakman, 2021
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‘Le prix d’être une femme’ speaks about beeing a womxn. It’s taken from my personnal experience. I am highlighting the constent unsecurities and fears we may have within us. I want to speak about the right that a lot of men take, as they raised in the patriarcal system believieng we, as womxn owe them. It is very interesting to have a look at the male gaze, at toxic masculinity, and see what comes out of it. The ways men allow themselves to look at womxn, cat call them, grab them. Allthough we might not speak about it all the time, and we walk on and pretend it isn’t happening it is absolutly integrated in our daily lives and all around us. How many times have I been catcalled, or grabbed, I didn’t do anything, I wasn’t dressed in a provocative way, I didn’t provoque. The womxn has to consider not only her sexuality, but also the impact her existence will have on the male’s sexuality – The fashionned body, 2015, Entwistle. This work is around a journal extract from last summer. Making a female body in a textile structure, in a foetal position, displayed on the floor. After elimination and research on processes and materials I chose to use lace and crochet.
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This piece, titled «Le prix d’être une femme,» is a representation of the difficulties and struggles that women face. It is inspired by a personal experience of mine, in which a friend tried to touch me without my consent. In response, I retreated to the bathroom and slept on the floor, feeling confused and unsafe. The body on the floor, made of lace and crochet, represents the vulnerability and silence that I felt in that moment. It is depicted in a fetal position, silent and inert, symbolizing the heavy weight of silence and death. The body does not have a mouth or eyes, further emphasizing its vulnerability and lack of agency. I created this work with the intention of highlighting the discomfort and silent suffering that women often experience, as well as the coping mechanisms we use to deal with these challenges. The materials I used, including lace and crochet, are significant in their own right. Lace and crochet are deeply rooted in Breton tradition and have historically been associated with femininity and women’s work. They also serve as markers of social status and origin. By using old pieces of lace in my work, I am paying tribute to the many women who have come before me and have faced their own struggles. Each fragment of lace represents a different woman, symbolizing the multi-layered nature of women’s oppression.
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Process: In creating this piece, I took care to minimize waste and to use even the smallest pieces of lace and crochet to their full potential. I began by constructing the head and torso, working to achieve symmetry as much as possible. I then used lace ribbons to create hand structures. This process was time-consuming, as I had to carefully assemble multiple pieces of crochet and lace and use them to cut patterns that would fit and conform to the other parts of the body. Overall, my goal was to create a cohesive and realistic representation of a woman’s body using these materials.
Making this project grow in the future: I hope to exhibit this piece, along with the accompanying text, in a gallery setting in order to bring attention to the issue of unwanted touch and to give a voice to the emotions and experiences of the victims. I believe that this piece can serve as a way to denounce this type of behavior, which is often ignored or minimized. Additionally, I would like to create a larger version of this piece in the future, with the goal of creating a more immersive experience for the viewer. By allowing them to enter into the piece and physically engage with it, I hope to create a deeper understanding of the story and the emotions behind it.
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Display: This body structure will be displayed on the ground, in a fetal position, in a corner of the gallery space. In addition to this physical installation, I would like to create a virtual exhibition that brings the viewer into a bathroom where the body lies on the floor, flickering and glitching. This virtual component will include images of the body both inhabited and empty, creating a timeless memory of that moment. Alternatively, the body structure could be displayed standing in a frame, with accompanying images showing the piece both worn and empty, in a fetal position on the floor. Both of these display options allow for a multilayered, immersive experience for the viewer, inviting them to engage with the piece on multiple levels. 40. ERASED
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REFERENCES: BIBLIOGRAPHY: Apollinaire Guillaume, les onze mille verges , j’ai lu, 1907 Bataille Georges, histoire de l’œil, Gallimard,1928 Batailles Georges, poèmes et nouvelles érotiques, mercure de france, 1999 Beaurebec Bertouille, Balance ton corps - Manifeste pour le droit des femmes à disposer de leur corps, La Musardine Editions, 2020. Bourdieu Pierre, la domination masculine , seuil, 1998 Butler Judith, Genre trouble : le féminisme et la subversion de l’identité, Ed. La découverte, 2005. Calle Sophie, Doubles jeux, acte sur, 1998 Chollet Mona, beauté fatale , la découverte poche, 2015 Classen Constance, The book of touch, routledge, 2005 De Beauvoir Simone, le deuxième sexe I, II , Folio, 1976 De Réage Pauline, l’histoire d’O , cercle du livre précieux, 1962 De Vigan Delphine, Rien ne s’oppose à la nuit, livre de poche, 2012 Despentes Virginie, King Kong théorie , le livre de poche, 2007 Despentes Virginie, King Kong Theory, translated by Stephanie Benson, ed. Serpent’s Tail, 2009 Entwistle Joanne, The Fashioned body – fashion, dress & modern social theory, ed. Polity, 2015. Foucault Michel, histoire de la sexualité I, II , III , gallimard, 1994 Grosz Elizabeth, Volatile Bodies: Toward a Corporeal Feminism, Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1994. Groult Benoîte, ainsi soit elle , livre de poche, 1977 Hoffman Alma R., Sketching as design thinking, ed. Routledge, 2018 Kundera, L’insoutenable légèreté de l’être , folio, 1997 Laclos Chardelos, les liaisons dangereuses , folio, 2006 Nin Anais, inceste , biblio, 2002 Onffray Michel, le soucis des plaisirs , j’ai lu, 2010 Ovidie, Manifeste , tapas, 2017 Parker Rosizka, The subversive stich, bloomsmury visual arts, 1996 Pollock Griselda, After-Affects After-Images Trauma and Aesthetic Transformation in the Virtual Feminist Museum, Rethinking Art’s Histories, 2013 Sade, L’histoire de Justine Sade, l’histoire de Juliette 10/18, 1976 Sade, les 120 journées de sodome , 10/18, 1976 Sade, philosophie du boudoir , folio classique, 1976 unknown, Manuel a l’usage des filles civilisés , 1927 Vannier Charlotte, De fil en aiguille broderie dans l’art contemporain , pyramid, 2018 Vatsyayana, les Kama Sutra , biblio, 2012 Wolf Virginia, une chambre à soi , 10/18, 2001
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INTERNET:
V9DmcO1z03I1zmGZB-efPXscUj4Uyj3wHLQ93QUvB40lGgpo
Dictionary online/ thesaurus https://englishthesaurus.net/
Judy Chicago on ‘Womanshouse’ https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=Z9muNnozFGY&list=WL&index=12
Aware foundation, https://awarewomenartists.com/
ORLAN herstory https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=gaQCw2NPgxk
The art story website https://www.theartstory.org/movement/ feminist-art/ ;
https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/about-sexual-violence/ statistics-sexual-violence/
Art timeline/ feminism https://www.ktpress.co.uk/feminist-arttimelines.asp ; National museum of women in Art https://www.youtube.com/ channel/UCKnelBYlnJyAbjoWNWMz-oQ;
https://www.cite-dentelle.fr/fr/ detail/566ef6601a6c7e8b078b456d/les-origines-de-ladentelle-a-calais
Women revolution, Stanford library interviews https://exhibits. stanford.edu/women-art-revolution/feature/artist-curator-criticinterviews
INTERNET/ WEBSITE IMAGES:
Live art and feminism in the uk (google) https://artsandculture. google.com/exhibit/1gLSx6pobvq_Ig ‘feminism and art theory now’ Griselda Pollock and Angela Dimitraki https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5Ett_UsxZo 16 ways Women are still not equal to men https://www.rd.com/ list/women-still-not-equal-to-men/ How the letter X creates more gendered neutral language https:// www.dictionary.com/e/letter-x-gender-neutral-language/ https://www.fawcettsociety.org.uk/Handlers/Download. ashx?IDMF=45a5a7f5-ffbd-4078-b0b7-4bfcccab159d ( timeline feminism history) Les femmes dans L’UE http://www.helsinki.fi/science/xantippa/ wef/weftext/wef214.html Janine Antoni’s website http://www.janineantoni.net/ Lauren’s Holstein profile https://londonsartistquarter.org/artisthub/users/lauren-holstein/profile
https://twitter.com/slg_artupdates/ status/1251095656288174081 https://artsandculture.google.com/asset/psyco-slut-tracey-emin/ IgFDgQ_fMwHC_w https://www.lehmannmaupin.com/exhibitions/tracey-emin https://projects.jennyholzer.com/ https://www.pinterest.fr/oakro1/_saved/ https://oca517401contextnarrative.home.blog/2019/02/13/ research-point-sophie-calle-take-care-of-yourself/ https://www.textileartist.org/sylvie-franquet-reconstructingtapestry/sylvie-franquet-love-child-2016-akhmim-egypt-cottonon-wood-and-wire-frame-dims-variable-photo-copyrightjonathan-greet/ https://www.dianemeyer.net/berlin/berlin.html https://www.zoebuckman.com/work/every-curve-art/ Tracey Emin, My bed, 1998. https://www.tate.org.uk/art/artworks/emin-my-bed-l03662 Louise Bourgeois, Three horizontals, 1998. https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection/search/727488 https://www.freddierobins.com/2004-09.php https://housedcollective.files.wordpress.com/2015/02/chelseacookhouse-2-1896x948.jpg https://www.lehmannsilva.com/en/artist/alice-morey/
Rachel Capovila website, https://rachelcapovila.com/about/ LYNN HERSHMAN LEESON & ELEANOR COPPOLA, moderated by Amelia Jones https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=XABTb2aYYGM
FILMOGRAPHY:
Susan Hiller website http://www.susanhiller.org/home.html
Women Art Revolution, Lynn Hershmn Leeson
Jenny Holzer website https://projects.jennyholzer.com/
( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPxWMiYQYAc)
Suzanne Lacy website: https://www.suzannelacy.com/ performance-installation
Tracey Emin, Why I never became a dancer https://vimeo.com/79687251
Media part, article ‘comment fait on pour que les hommes cessent de violer? ‘ https://blogs.mediapart.fr/carolinedehaas/blog/270121/ comment-fait-pour-que-les-hommes-cessent-de-violer?at_ medium=custom7&at_campaign=1046&fbclid=IwAR0mFjc0PRk
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