ROSE & IVY Journal No.12 Starring Ashley Tisdale

ASHLEY

Photographed by Daniel G. Castrillon Interview by Alison Engstrom

TISDALE

The multi-talented actress, singer and entrepreneur talks about her beginnings, overcoming perfectionism and inspiring others to be their authentic selves.

You started in show business at the age of three. What made you decide to continue pursuing the field when you got older? I think that I was just really lucky that I fell into the business at such a young age. I never went through a pattern of not knowing what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be because I did have a very normal childhood. I put my work first, but I always had the option to quit if I wanted to. My parents always said, do what you want to do—you don’t have to do this business. I always knew that this was something I loved and I was really good at; I was willing to make sacrifices and work hard for it.

Were you more interested in singing or acting? Acting. I performed on the national tour of Les Misérables when I was eight-years-old and that’s where my musical experience came from. I also was in Annie, but I got to a point where I was like, okay, do I want to go more into acting or more into music? It was always acting and so it was cool that, since I did have to choose a lane, later in life I was able to do both.

You said that while you were growing up, your parents used to make you work retail even when you were busy acting. Did that instill in you your present-day work ethic? I think it was mainly more because my parents wanted me to learn how hard it is to make a dollar, because I have made money since I was three-years-old. I think they were like, well, we need to make sure she knows how hard it is in the real world. My parents said that until you’re on a series, you’re going to have a job. It was really hard because obviously I was exhausted—I’m going to school, I’m doing homework, I’m working pilot season, this is crazy! I do have to say having those experiences makes me feel super grateful for what I do.

You have been very open about your struggles with perfectionism and fear of failure, which go hand in hand. Do you think that the entertainment industry perpetuates that mindset since it’s volatile? I’ve never really been affected by rejection, because growing up in this business, I just knew not to take anything personally. To be honest, this business is 90% rejection so you’re going to have to love rejection to do what I do. You have to embrace it. As I became a producer, I think I realized how “not personal” it is. When you’re auditioning, there are some girls that I would see for one of the roles in the show I was producing, they could be the best actor in the room—it doesn’t mean it’s their job. It’s not a personal thing, it’s honestly about if the role is meant

previous page Ashley wears an AVAVAV Blouse, Saint Laurent Trousers

to be for you. I always feel if something’s meant to be, it’ll be. I think that’s why I’ve been able to have such great relationships in this business because I’m not competitive in that way. I think my perfectionism came from a lot of anxiety and that can be all-encompassing. I don’t think the business had anything to do with it. I had a tendency since I was young to want everything to be perfect. It wasn’t until I started letting go—I’ve been doing that for the last two years—that I’m so much happier and also, I think creatively, in a better space. If you can let it go, things naturally happen the way they’re supposed to happen. When you embrace yourself and love yourself fully, I think the best things come out of that.

You’ve talked about being your own light, I love that. How have you cultivated ways to be that for yourself ? I read a lot of self-help books. The biggest one that changed my life, I would say would be Attacking Anxiety and Depression which was from Lucinda Bassett. I’m an extremist; if I read a book and it has homework, I’ll do the homework, I will be on top of it. This program put things into perspective, it made me feel like I was not alone and that other people were going through what I was going through. It’s great on addressing reactionary behaviors; I used to react a lot to things and now I don’t react. I’m chill about stuff, so I love that. When I went through my hardest and most difficult time, I went through this journey of learning so much about me. I realized the only person to get you through something is yourself. No one can tell you do this, you just have to do it for yourself. We, as a society and because of social media think that everything looks perfect from the outside. Just know that no one’s life is perfect and everyone is struggling with something. I think that idea makes you feel less alone—just be the light for yourself.

With all of the projects that you do, how do you balance your time? It is hard to manage and it’s been more difficult this year because I am on two different series. Besides acting, I also have my singing career, brand, social platforms, my makeup line Illuminate and my production company, Blondie Girl Productions. Things are starting to change right now for me. I think what I’ve started to realize is that I am doing the things that I dreamed about in my acting career now. When I was younger, I used to have my hand in everything, but as I get older, I want more quality versus quantity. In the past, if I was doing a lot more on the production side, I wasn’t doing a lot of acting. I let the universe guide me in that way. Right now, I want to do more things that I’m really passionate about.

Ashley wears Gas Bijoux Ariane Hoop Earrings and a Zimmermann Dress

“When I went through my hardest and most difficult time, I went through this journey of learning so much about myself. I realized the only person to get you through something is yourself. No one can tell you do something, you just have to do it for yourself.”

Ashley is wearing a Self-Portrait top and Maje Pants

“I want to make people feel good. I want to make people feel beautiful and love themselves.”

You recently released your first music album, Symptoms, your first in nine years. What inspired you to delve back in? For a long time, I wasn’t inspired; because of the journey that I’d gone through, I just felt a big need for Symptoms. I look at music as being a creative force for who I am as a person, versus acting in something or producing someone else’s idea. I used to hate all the politics and the way labels made you do certain albums, but what’s so great about the music business now, and with streaming, is that you can do whatever you want to do—look at Billie Eilish. I think it’s just more about authenticity than it used to be. I think the audience can tell when something is more manufactured—some of the best content comes from unique ideas, instead of having to redo the same show or movie constantly. People are craving unique things and I think that’s cool to watch.

What was it about the role in Merry Happy Whatever that pulled you in? I didn’t get to know much about the role, the creator, Tucker Cawley kept everything pretty secret, so we only got to read the first episode. At first, I wasn’t a huge fan of my character, Kayla—I actually I auditioned for another role, Emmy, but they said, we love her and we still want her as Kayla. My character goes through a divorce in the first episode—she is emotional and kind of pouty and she came off the page as a little annoying. I sat with the character to see if I can do something else with it and I figured out a way where I’d be more fun. The best part was that I had no idea of the arc that she had in the show. I always say, she’s the middle child and she’s got the middle child syndrome, which is why she’s so dramatic and everything has to be about her. Then, in the episode when my character comes out, it was something that you didn’t think would happen, there is so much more depth, which is what I love about it, it’s funny, smart and has emotional depth to it. I’m a big fan of Tucker’s writing. I was completely fulfilled as an actor playing that role. I’ve always played these characters that I always know who they are and know what they want- -they’re very strong and sometimes bossy. I liked sharing someone’s journey that I had no idea what that journey was, but I really respected Kayla and what she was going through and I really cared. I was excited to step into someone else’s shoes and kind of go through that with her.

While filming, I kept thinking, I think this is going to be really good, but I had no idea the response I would get

from people feeling more comfortable with themselves. You could say it’s my mission in a way with Symptoms and with this character, I want to make people feel good. I want to make people feel beautiful and love themselves. When I was younger I wanted to fit in more and I wanted to look like other people, but now, I fully embrace myself, I let my natural hair go—I think it’s awesome when you arrive in that feeling. You have to embrace the good and the bad. I think when you are someone who is a complex person that’s what makes you beautiful as well, it’s not about being surface pretty.

Can you share more about your role in Carol’s Second Act? I have had such a great time, playing Patricia Heaton’s daughter, it is so much fun. When I first read the part and when they asked me to meet with Patty, it was such a no brainer—she’s such a TV legend. I learned so much from her. I love being on a CBS series with a live audience. I feel like I’m finally playing the roles that are around my age— three years ago, I could not even get a job as a 30-year-old.

What is a career dream for you? It changes all the time, but maybe to do a dramatic role. I don’t look too far ahead, more like, what do I want to do now? Right now, I just want to get out of my comfort zone and keep challenging myself and keep growing as an actor. The better that I get, the more that I want to do all different types of roles. I think either doing something super dramatic or even starring on my own show one day would be awesome. It’s cool to see Patty because she’s been on a lot of shows where she’s been one of the stars, but she’s usually the second to the male. This is her first role where she’s the star. It’s cool to see how someone’s worked so hard and now they’re getting the recognition. they’re getting the recognition.

How do you practice intention in your life? I meditate every morning, something that has helped me tremendously. I’ll do ten minutes or if I’m running late, six minutes. I’ll do 20 minutes during the day if I have a break. I practice a lot of gratitude during those sessions and set my intention for the day. I also practice yoga because it really centers me.

What are you grateful for? I’m grateful for my family and my husband. I’m also grateful that I get to do what I love.

Ashley was shot on location at Go Studios Styled by Tara Nichols; Makeup by Andréa Tiller; Hair by Josué Perez