On October 7, 1950, Mother Teresa began her own order, known as "The Missionaries of Charity." The organization she formed was dedicated to loving and caring for those persons
nobody was equipped to look after. In 1965, the Society became an International Religious Family by the pronouncement of Pope Paul VI. Mother Teresa eloquently believed, "Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person." It is my conviction that
Mother Teresa was more than a leader, more than a Nobel Peace prize winner, and more than a deeply loving individual. Mother Teresa was the ultimate mentor. What can future mentors learn about mentoring or teaching
from my mentoring story? Helen Keller affirmed, "The unselfish effort to bring cheer to others will be the beginning of a happier life for ourselves." I want future mentors to understand the constant fine tuning it takes to be a mentor and a teacher, and the skills imperative to successful mentoring. Listening was my primary role with my mentee. I tuned into what he said, and
became active in my listening. I patiently waited for him to stop talking, with making assumptions about what he was thinking or hurrying him to finish. For perhaps the first time in my teaching, I acknowledged my growth in listening. Winston Churchill believed that, "We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give." I strove to be a cheerful mentor.
A truly jovial mentor creates a happy mentee. I
displayed willingness to my mentee, and a positive outlook on the talents we would both gain from the interchange. What does the fact that I have such a close friendship with my mentee mean when it came to my growth? "True heroism is
remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass
all at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost," stated Arthur Ashe, a prominent African American tennis player. My mentee had a strong interest in my growth as a mentor, and I attribute our prior friendship to this desire. He wanted to see me grow and therefore openly challenged and questioned me.
Meaningful parts of communication, such as eye contact and body language, were just some of the inherent parts of our friendship that made our mentoring relationship even better. Is teaching or mentoring more than sharing knowledge with
someone? "Be the change you want to see in the world," Gandhi uttered. When mentoring Charles, I became more self-aware of my own strengths, and my own weaknesses. I felt a sense of
purpose when I reflected Charles' needs back to him. I asked him open-ended questions, and practiced listening to his words and perceptions as he stated them, not through my own interpretations. Does it mean that true mentoring happens when then there is mutual respect? Charles and I were empowered by each other
as I showed technological skills he could use in his own life. He grew and matured with this knowledge, and created a product toward then end of our mentoring sessions never asked of him by me, but accomplished with his own wishes for displaying his new understandings. Mentoring Charles has been fulfilling. Our mentoring did not begin weeks ago, though. In truth, I've shared with him teaching ideas from the get go. He, in turn, has shared with me life-wisdom. Charles is laid back, and one can't help to relax by
his side. Our recent weekly Friday, seven a.m. meetings, satisfied his needs in one small part of his life he wished he could strengthen. The drumming on desks was present, so I felt comfortable with my friend, even in a teaching role. It was so fitting to teach him a program whereby he could capture memories of his two children. The pictures he showed me were of a brother and sister playing tag on a cool spring day. Perhaps it was just me that noticed the freshness lingering in the air and dawn breaking in those pictures.
Our official mentoring marked
a full circle being completed. We changed, we grew, and we advanced together. We started, came around, but where might we end?
Anne Frank's conviction of giving back was illustrated through her words: "How lovely to think that no one need wait a moment, we can start now, start slowly changing the world. How lovely that everyone, great and small, can make their
contribution...how we can always, always give something, even if it is only kindness." I had to give back. I had to give back because I understood how blessed I was, and I felt guilty for being so loved and everything going so right.
Medicine, I would try
medicine. I embarked on a college journey only to find sixteen lab classes later that medicine was filled with negativity and I couldn't go forward with it. I remembered back to my school years, when people said, "You are so good at explaining things." Like a light turning on in a darkened room, I knew. I knew I
would teach. I had to teach. And teaching was a perfect fit! I was excited. I was scared. I was all over the place, physically and emotionally. I had found my passion. Charlie was silly. I remember his nose, mostly. When I met
him the first day of a college drama class, I had no idea what may come of he and I.
He was given a hula hoop, with the
direction to improv. What would he do with a purple hula hoop and a pointy nose, I wondered. He held it up to his face. "What is making?" I whispered to the girl beside me. moment, he turned his face to the left.
It was at that
He was a nickel, a
perfectly made nickel, with a side view of Jefferson everyone clearly saw.
I laughed aloud, I was so entertained.
Others
giggled, but I cracked up. He looked at me, and we connected. He had persuaded me, and our friendship began. Charles summary of our mentoring experience begins like this: "I went into this program expecting to come out with knowledge that would be applicable to both my
private and professional life. The advantage I had was Ms. Crowther. Having her as a mentor, I knew from previous experiences, would increase the rate at which I learn a new concept. This turned out to be true."
Charles' creativity amazed me. We giggled 'til our stomachs hurt and other college students looked at us like we were crazy. He could take anything and make it funny, and did it in an Idon't-expect-you-to-laugh-but-know-you-will kind of way. I was sad when the class ended, because we never talked about
what may come of us when that class we connected in came to an end. As fate had it, and I walked into my first credential class with a business like attitude, he yelled from across the room,
"Hey‌ get over here, crazy girl!" Our friendship had surpassed the winds of college, and now we were getting credentialed together. Charles was like a big brother. Class after class, project after project, long day after long day, assignment after assignment, we
had each other. He sat across from me in class, and made funny faces like he was ten. I laughed like I was the same age. Outside of school, our lives were changing. He was getting married, he was having kids, and I was, well, not getting any closer to the high school sweetheart I could never please. Charlie made it
better, and I thought I would be okay. We discovered we were both passionate about music. He played it and I danced to it. He was always tapping. Yes, he was a natural drummer. He always had some beat running in his head. My friends and family were proud of me, and I someday, someday, somedayed everything I personally wanted. I was somedaying away my life. I thrust myself into teaching like I thrust myself into any part of life. The following year after we graduated from our credential program, Charlie and I stumbled into each other at a job interview. "We cannot get away from
each other, Charles," I commented that day. "Weird," he retorted. That August, we got hired at the same school site, and as the cards fell, we were grade level partners. I was happy. I was so happy. Gosh‌ I thought I was happy. Charles' summary continues: "Ms. Crowther did her best to accommodate my
schedule. She took into account my teaching schedule and family life. We agreed to meet before school, and
the schedule sometimes had to change. She alerted me if she needed to make schedule changes, and touched base with me before we met to make sure we were still “on.� Communication was exceptional." Of course, my career choice led me to an underserved school, with kids with demands. I fell in love with teaching, and my enthusiasm and high standards drove my low kids higher. Every day, Charlie and I had morning chats, discussing what we'd
accomplish for our kids that day. Some days he'd come in, and simply say, "Listen." He tapped on the desk, tapping away, trying to get me to hear the song in his head. I always heard it, because he made perfect music. Days passed, then months, then years. We grew as teachers, but I had me and he had his family. I dove
into teaching even more, heading every committee, staying up late in my classroom. My people pleasing and perfectionism was affecting my health, but I didn't care. I was teaching, and I was doing what I wanted. I was happy. I think I was happy. I believed when there was no reason to believe, because I had faith. But I was confusing faith with demands, and put myself second. Charles saw it, and tried warning me to stop, slow down, settle down. I couldn't. He begged, and I still couldn't. I was excited. I was scared. I was all over the place, physically and emotionally. At 3:50 pm, on April 21st, 2005, I had my first heart attack. Charles, needless to say, was enraged.
Life changed dramatically after that fateful day. My priorities had to be realigned, and more of my world would be
turned upside down than I ever knew. It was as if I was
reawakened. I quit staying at school late, and Charles was there to console me for feeling guilty. I left the man I thought I knew for the past ten years, and Charles was there to console me. I moved jobs and helped open a new school with him, started a Master's program, and began changing old, unhealthy habits. Charles never left my side.
Charles persisted in his evaluation of our mentoring: "Feeling as though all of your mentor’s/teacher’s energy
is focused on you is a blessing. I felt this from Ms.
Crowther as she provided me with not only physical guidance, but also an endless supply of on-line resources. She did not have to make any adjustments during our meetings because she was always prepared. What more can I say? She is a model student and teacher." A year ago, when I met the man of my dreams, Charles smiled as I told him about my new love. The happiness I thought I knew all along was dwarfed by these new feelings. I knew not the full potential of happiness until then, and I had found it. And Charles was there to smile with me. After a morning mentoring session, I had mixed emotions as
I told Charles I was moving away. I had a new life to start, and
while he was so happy for me, his eyes welled up. He hugged me, and we exchanged niceties as if we were just first meeting. Strange. We were growing apart. Mentoring was our final
hoorah, and it was coming to an end. Charles concluded of our mentoring journey: "Our relationship has a lot of history, but Ms. Crowther did not allow for any “chit-chat” while mentoring. I was kept on task by always having
something to do or to research on my own. It was a pleasure to learn something new, and more exciting to watch my students’ reaction when I used my new found skills in the classroom." Because of the move, I recently asked Charles, my mentee and my friend, to write a letter of recommendation for me. His words went something like this…
While in under graduate school, I recognized quickly the top student in my Children’s Theatre class. Her attention to detail and ability to enjoy the class was infectious to many of us. Little did I know that I would see much more of her in the future. We were in a credential program together and I picked up on two important qualities of my friend: her ability to grasp on to new concepts quickly, and her undying desire to learn more for the benefit of her students. These qualities transferred to her classroom. I was lucky enough to get hired at the same school and grade level, and at the same time as her. We were two first year teachers and the only fifth grade teachers at our school. Our classrooms consisted of students
with many needs from low income families. I needed support and she was it. She had ideas, strategies, and more importantly the gift of connecting with her students. Her students, and mine, adored and respected her. My friend is truly a teacher worthy of teaching in any school. I fear that I will be without my guide next year. Thank you, Charles. You've taken care of me, and I of you. This mentoring journey was one such exemplar of this truth. As it draws to an end, I can't but still hear your tapping on the desks, and your song playing on.