Aw, Shucks!

By David W. Brown

What happens if you buy a big bag of oysters from the certified seafood experts in your local Rouses seafood department, and when you get home, discover to your horror that you don’t have a knife to get the oysters open?

Who among us has not lost every single knife we own on the same day we bought a big bag of oysters from Rouses? It happens to someone nearly every day.

First, you should know that, year-round, Rouses Markets sells the best, freshest shucked oysters you will ever eat. No knife needed. Most stores have oysters in the shell, too. Those are the oysters this story is concerned with.

If you need to open an oyster but lack a knife, reach for your toolbox. There should be a screwdriver. A flat head screwdriver. (So help me, if one of you writes to complain that your Phillips head screwdriver didn’t work…) You are going to work the screwdriver into the hinge of the oyster. Once you get it nice and wedged in there, you are going to twist and pop it open.

If you need to open a bunch of oysters (technically, a “colony” or “reef” of oysters) when you don’t have a knife, heat up the ol’ grill. Once it’s smoldering and ready for cooking, place your oysters on the grill, big side down and facing away from you. After about 15 minutes, those oysters will open up. (You should have them facing away in case they explode open. That way, the juice won’t scald you.)

Let’s say you don’t have a knife, you don’t have a screwdriver and you don’t have a grill, but you do have oysters. You probably have an oven. Set the oven to 450 degrees, and while it is climbing to that temperature, get yourself a cookie sheet. Place the oysters on it, big side down, and slide the pan into the hot oven on the middle rack. After about five minutes or so exposed to heat, the oysters’ shells will be slightly open, and they’ll be ready to eat.

If, perchance, you do not have a knife, a screwdriver, a grill or an oven, there may be hope yet. The last method I offer you is the microwave method. It involves placing the oysters in a microwave-safe dish and cooking them in a microwave at full power for a few minutes. This is going to be a bit like making microwaved popcorn; there is no exact time, but you’ll know when it’s done. Stick around the microwave, because somewhere near the one-minute mark, you’re going to hear a pop. That’s the sound of oysters opening up (and possibly making a bit of a mess, which is, unfortunately, unavoidable with any oyster preparation method). Usually, if one has popped open, they are all slightly ajar, and that means they’re done and ready for dinner. And you, against all odds, have managed to open an entire bag of oysters with nary a knife in sight. Bon appétit!