Empty Nest Syndrome; A Documentary Photography Project

EMPTY NEST SYNDROME

A Documentary Photography Project 2016-2020 by Carol Olerud, FRPS

Photos by Carol Olerud

In 2016, the last two of my three children left home at the same time. Suddenly I was not a mother in the same sense as before. I had been a stay-at-home mum. I was so busy raising three children born within a five-year period, that I had never stopped to consider what I would do once they left home.

I fell into the cliché of empty nest syndrome rather heavily and discovered it was a real thing!

As part of a Master to Master photography group, I decided to try to photograph my emotions andcreatedalong-termproject.Wehadamentorand,withthewholegroup,wediscussedthe project together as it developed. All of us had various personal projects.

A very difficult task lay at hand. My first images came over as if someone had died. Interpreting my feelings, it actually was a mourning process I was going through. To analyse this, it was put to me to photograph other people who had gone through the same thing.

I found five other mothers, and one father, happytosharetheirthoughtsandtoletmetake photos. I interviewed them as I was photographing them in their homes and in the rooms of their children. Then I rephotographed myself in the same way.

What memories did they have and, in particular, what did they miss from the time their small children lived at home?

Mostofthewomenhadprofessionaljobs.This actually made little difference to their feelings. Motherhoodisahugeresponsibilityforwomen and a large part of their identity. When grown children leave home for whatever purpose; study, work or travel, a void is left behind.

Manypracticalthingsalsochange.Lessfoodis needed – adjusting to cooking less amounts. Washing clothes is reduced, let alone any mess needing tidying up. Watching hectic schedules vanish, more freedom and time is suddenly available.

Most of these women felt a sense of loss, loneliness and a longing for a time gone by too fast. A period of adjustment was needed to accept the next chapter in life: an appreciation of a parenting job well done and satisfaction that you achieved your task; a sense of pride thatdecenthumanbeingswereoutthereinthe world doing their own thing.

Soft toys, cherished animals and nostalgic memories remain.

I finished the project to an extent that I had something for our group exhibition which took placeNovember–December2021. However, I have many more photographs! To make a smallselectionthattellsthestoryisnotaneasy task. Ideally, I would like to make a book.

During the exhibition, I spoke to many visitors and very interesting conversations emerged. One person was very surprised to see the photos and read the text – she had not experienced anything like this at all when her childlefthome.Shewasquiteamazed,though she could clearly see the emotions in the panels of photos.

Emotions felt by people are just as diverse as people themselves.

However, when you see someone on Instagramforexample,sufferingpubliclywhen her son goes off to study in another city – well I completely felt a connection. Judging by the many comments below the post, many others feel the same sense of loss: grieving for a time that has ended. It was quite overwhelming to see but also really good. More people should share their feelings on this subject, so it becomes normal for those that do suffer.

By sharing my project, I hope more women in particular,butalsomen,canacceptthatempty nest syndrome is a real thing. Some time is neededtoprocessthisnewphaseoflife,some grievingandlongingforthedayswhenbabies, small children, then teenagers very much neededtheirparents.Itisokaytofeelsadness. But as you see your grown children emerge as adults,makingtheirownchoices,beinghappy; well, a whole new world unfolds. For instance, we recently celebrated our eldest daughter’s wedding!

However, ifsevere depression emerges, talk to your health care provider.

Each panel represents one mother (or couple) contemplating life. This work is a small selection of the project that was photographed over a period of four years. Thank you for sharing your feelings with me, Lotte, Ad and Jenneke, Marjan, Amanda and Helen. You have all helped me go through my empty nest syndrome.

www.carololerud.com to see more of Carol's work.