Guy Friends, Female Friends How Many Of Us Can Have Them?

Guy Female

Lasting Platonic Relationships Between Men and Women

BY DEANNA KENNER

ersonally, I have only ever seen true platonic relationships between men and women on the big screen. Beautiful relationships like the ones of Harry and Hermione from J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter or Joan Watson and Sherlock Holmes from the CBS series Elementary. Truly platonic meaning no sexual or romantic tension ever evolving from either party involved. Do these relationships only exist in the world of fiction? Surely it is possible…right?

So, the question is: is it possible for men and women to be in a platonic relationship? The short nonmessy answer is yes, of course. That’s not the impossibility. Though for how long? Forever?

Funny enough, this this has been an ongoing debate between my boyfriend, Maliq and I since we started dating two years ago. He believes that it is totally possible to have such a lasting relationship with a woman.

I on the other hand believe the idea to be farfetched.

Over the course of my 23 years, I have never had a truly platonic male friend. I believe there are many factors as to why this is.

One, and not to toot my own horn, I am an attractive woman. It took me years to realize this myself, but I can’t say the same for my male “friends”. (CONT’D on next page)

Is it possible for men and women to be in a platonic relationship?

ME: Issa No… HIM: Issa Yes…

Even when I was 7, my oldest friend from nursery school tried to kiss me one day in the playground. However, this was seven. Not really much credibility. He could have been dared for all I knew. Fast-forward to my teenage years, many of my male friends wanted something more from me due to plumping hormonal changes. A second factor is of course personality. How someone carries and presents themselves can go a long way when it comes to the opposite sex. Again, not tooting my own horn here, but I am a very compassionate, funny, and cunning person. But I am not putting all the blame on just the guys here. I have definitely been the one in the friendship who wanted more.

Another factor, perhaps a huge one, is that life is not stagnant. Its ever changing and progressing. Someone who was best fit as your friend in one moment of your life, can transform into something more later. A simple case of right person, wrong time. This was true for one of my relationships where we began as friends. Forever is a long time to not be attracted in some ways and then not acting on that attraction.

Life is too short and unpredictable to tell people how you really feel! Either it’s a mutual vibe or you stay friend-zoned, but let’s move on…

“I have definitely been the one in the friendship who wanted more.”

I decided to survey my boyfriend on his very real, platonic relationships with his female friends. Here is what he said to say:

What are your experiences in your platonic relationships?

MALIQ: The experience I have had with my closest female friends is one of the most valuable relationships I’ve had in my life. We can talk about anything from politics to music; always my first choice for who I want to go to concerts with, great to discuss movies with, etc. She’s a great example of a woman who can provide the same great company as a male friend could. The experiences I have with female friends that differ from male friends is emotional support. Women are naturally more empathetic when it comes to these things so being able to have someone who is both great company and that I feel comfortable expressing my personal problems to has been vital in my life.

Have there ever been any romantic or sexual attraction present in these relationships?

MALIQ: There have been times when female friends I keep were either attracted to me or I were attracted to them early on in our friendship. Nothing has ever gone past the initial point of attraction and it’s really up to the maturity of both parties whether or not the friendship last. Once a boundary is set, I’m able to cut off whatever attraction I had and view them as just a friend and vice versa.

What are your overall opinions about platonic relationships?

MALIQ: Why is it that because we’re of the opposite sex we have to be something more? (CONT’D on next page)

MALIQ: I think a lot of the issues between men and women could be avoided if men were able to truly understand and learn what it is to be friends with a woman.

There are things both sides could learn from one another, aside from just being partners or lovers that get lost in the idea that, from most men’s perspectives, women are supposed to do whatever men say and please them in any way that they see fit. That’s what makes women afraid of many men who feel that sense of control and dominance over women.

Overall, I think it’s disappointing on either side, male or female if you’re unable to have platonic relationships with the opposite sex. If you’re not able to have genuine friendships without wanting to be involved with the other person sexually or romantically, that’s a red flag, especially as a man. ~

My boyfriend ladies and gentlemen!

I must admit, he made some valid points and I do agree with most of what he said. Yes, men and women can have a platonic relationship. If both parties care about the shared friendship, the relationship can be beautiful and last for a very long time.

However, for me, I don’t see such friendship happening. Maliq and I started as friends and look where we are now.

“The experience I have had with my closest female friends is one of the most valuable relationships I’ve had in my life.”