XMAS
COME COME
ONE L-4
A l l t h a t was e x p e c t e d t o happen d i d happen t h i s Saturday n i g h t , with the p o s s i b l e e x c e p t i o n o f a d e m o n s t r a t i o n o f t h e Trudge by M e s s r s , T. & D.Hudge o f the R.C.S. The b a r e x t e n s i o n u p s t a i r s was kep t v e r y busy a l l t h e t i m e , though we s u s p e c t t h a t t h e barmen t h e m s e l v e s had something t o do w i t h i t . On t h e s t a g e , l e a n i n g a g a i n s t t h e mike, was a y e l l o w e n a m e l l e d s i g n t h a t h a d been mockin g some members o f the F E L I X B o a r d f o r a c o n s i d e r s — , b l e time, and t h e y f i n a l l y managed t o g e t I t a t an almost n o m i n a l p r i c e ( 34 p i n t s o f b e e r ) f o r the b i g n i g h t . The p r i c e , one must add, was n o t p a i d t o t h e owners, a r e s p e c t a b l e book-shop n e a r S t h . Ken s t a t i o n b u t t o t h e p r o c u r e r s who showed g r e a t energy and i n g e n u i t y . T h i s s i g n may i n t h e f u t u r e become o u r mascot, r e p l a c i n g t h e paper head that we l o s t t o 1 Northampton, an y e a r ago. The Dance i t s e l f was r e m a r k a b l e f o r .he n u m b e r o f p r i z e s : 108; t h e c o n t i n u o u s i n t e r r u p t i o n s ; t h e f i l m show; and t h e u t t e r c h a o s t h a t t h r e a t e n e d o u r I . C . Superman a n d Superwoman c o n t e s t . K e i t h M i l l e r i s g o i n g t o s t a r t Superman c l a s s e s i n t h e O l d Host e l basement f r o m S a t u r d a y 12th D e c , a t a f e e o f a pint o f b i t t e r per lesson. 3eer returned i f r e s u l t s do n o t p l e a s e y o u a f t e r 5 l e s s o n s . A l l pro-" s p e c t i v e s t u d e n t s a r e i n v i t e d t o a C h r i s t m a s brewu p i n h i s r o o m t h e same n i g h t . The L i m e r i c k C o m p e t i t i o n r e s u l t s a p p e a r i n s i d e . P.S. H a s a n y b o d y f o u n d t u e s h e e t t h a t was d r a ped r o u n d M a r k Antony l a s t n i g . - i t ? T h e p o o r c h a p i s f e e l i n g very cold. "FELIX" wishes i t s readers a very happy Christmas and a happy new year, greater glories i n the year to come, especially by way of l i t e r a r y inspiration. A merry Christmas too to the worried citizens of South Kensington who w i l l have a quiet time f o r a wnile, to London Transport who helps us i n emergencies, and the I.C. men on the moon.
ft HC K R V C r f i i S r M A ? ' H ÂŤ i r * i ci wev C
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^ELIX PROFILE
HOW
TO GET RICH
QUICK"
by Blank S q u i g g l e Perhaps, you may say, money grows on g o o s e b e r r y bushes. W e l l , l e t me assure you, i t most c e r t a i n l y does not. rt
ALISON
However, t h e r e a r e one o r two ways i n whioh l e l u c r e (as the F r e n c h say) may be o b t a i n e d at a s l i g h t discount. These ways f a l l i n t o two c l a s s es :-
ENTWISTLE
1. C l a s s F. Methods by which money i s actuall y made, 2. C l a s s S. Methods by which one's p e t t y cash r i s e s by not spending what one a l r e a d y has. It is p o s s i b l e t o prove, however, t h a t i f one has a n amount o f money x, and C l a s s S. i s employed, the t o t a l r e s u l t a n t cash s t o c k b e i n g TL, The President of Imperial C o l l e g e Women's A s s o c i a t i o n likes t o consider h e r s e l f a Londoner, f o r although born i n St. Helens, Lancashire she coul d not stand the northern accents f o r more than the f i r s t y e a r of h e r l i f e . She finds much to her annoyance, that h e r f a m i l y takes her s c h o l a s t i c successes f o r granted, f o r her s i s t e r i s a chemist and her brother a physicist, which e x p l a i n s why A l i s o n i s a Mathematician. Her f a t h e r was a m i n i s t e r of r e l i g i o n , but we have too l i t t l e space to e x p l a i n A l i s o n ' s own complex views on religion here. A l i s o n ' s education was L i a normal g i r l s ' school, where they thought h e r b r i l l i a n t . They gave her no choice as t o which c o l l e g e t o attend, b r i n g i n g h e r streak o f obstinacy to the fore by t e l l i n g her she would never get a p l a c e at I.C. A l i s o n triumphed w i t h a State S c h o l a r s h i p and i s now vrell installed i n h e r f i n a l year. Apart from organising the a f f a i r s of ICY/A, A l i s o n remains one of h e few members "^wrtl&ve represented I.C. i n a l l the p o s s i b l e wcraen's te>ms - although she admits she only really enjoys p l a y i n g t e n n i s . In s p i t e of her s i z e , A l i s o n i s a keen mountaineer and i n past y e a r s has been a c y c l i s t over l a r g e areas of England and I r e l a n d . T h i s summer however she found a more e x c i t i n g form of t r a n s p o r t i n Sweden. She spent s e v e r a l weeks taking the tops off s t r a w b e r r i e s and picking bad peas o f f a conveyor beit,'in order to earn enough money BO h i t c h hike to Stockholm, although this necessitated s i t t i n g on l o r r y driver's knees. One of the few words A l i s o n learne d was the Swedish for 'no'. Alison's a r t i s t i c g i f t s range from the care of one ivy plant which she i s training along a crack i n her hostel room wall, to a love of music, particularly piano music. She has had seven years tuition i n piano playing and can occasionally be heard i n the early hours of the morning bashing duets on the gym piano. When asked f o r some l i k e s and dislikes our President told us that when young the way t o gain her attention was to s i t on a plate and make a noise like a chocolate biscuit. Though t h i s delicacy i s s t i l l a favourite we f i n d that she .also l i k e s collecting things, the most notable being a collection of teaspoons gathered, honestly, from many parts These are stock equipment of Britain and the Continent. for a l l ICVfA coffee parties. Among her other l i k e s we have crumpets, corncobs, astronomy (looking at stars - alone), We found she bridge ( i n an amateur fashion) and some men. ha3 indifferences including p o l i t i c s , mathematics and some men. Her dislikes are chiefly intolerance and propoganda, marmalade, people who smoke i n buses, and some other men.
x 4 x, whereas the d e s i r e d r e s u l t i s x x »> We s h a l l , t h e r e f o r e , d i s c o u n t C l a s s S. as u . f . f . u . , o r " u s e l e s s f o r f u r t h e r use".
(a)(1) The d i r e c t manufacture
P.
process:
F o r t h i s you w i l l need a couple o f panteohn i c o n s , an i s l a n d i n the A t l a n t i c , a p r i v a t e army, a motor c r u i s e r , a p a p e r m i l l o r s i l v e r mine, (we d i s c o u n t copper as n o t l u c r a t i v e enough) and a few o t h e r odds and ends which you can p i c k up i n Woolworth's o r L e s l i e ' s . The i d e a i s t o borrow the c o i n p r e s s e s i n the Royal M i n t , s h i p them t o y o u r i s l a n d and get t o work. A s m a l l b r i b e should f i x i t w i t h the o f f i o i a l s concerned.
:
P. (a) (11) E x p a n s i o n process
:
The essence o f t h i s method i s t o cut each coin neatxy i n two edgeways. Now c u t away the centre and f i l l the gap w i t h g l u e to h o l d the coin together again. Apply method (1) t o the c o i n - m e t a l gained, o r s e l l to o t h e r d e a l e r s f o r a s m a l l fee. fall F.(b)
Now we come to the r e c o v e r y p r o c e s s e s . i n t o two o l a s s e s : (1) D i s h o n e s t
F. (b)
methods :
(11) S l i g h t l y honest methods ;
F o r this you F. (b) (11) A. Horse-race b e t t i n g . w i l l need ( i ) a h o r s e - r a c e , ( i i ) some c a p i t a l , ( i i i ) no sense, ( i v ) a p i n . There a r e s e v e r a l t e x t books on the s u b j e c t , so I s h a l l not enter into great d e t a i l . S u f f i c e i t to s a y t h a t , prov i d e d you use t h e ' p i n s e n s i b l y , you cannot l o s e . P. (b) ( i i ) B,. F o o t b a l l " p o o l s " . A clever idea. You cannot l o s e (see MoGugglebreck: "The Luck of the P o o l s , Waddle & Turnback, I s . ) . One t h i n g , though — y o u w i l l have to j o i n the F o o t b a l l Pool Promoter's A s s o c i a t i o n . P. (b) ( i i ) C . Crown & Anchor. T h i s i s a n o t h e r good way i f y o u can a f f o r d tne b i t s and p i e c e s . Making 14s. p e r hour i s not hard, p r o v i d e d you are the banker. Be c a r e f u l ! Keep y o u r cash i n your pocket and wear a b e l t and b r a c e s , otherwise the weight of y o u r w i n n i n g s may be g i v e n away t o the o t h e r p l a y ers. A l t e r n a t i v e l y , you may take a wheelbarrow.
What would you do I f you were me? I can't remember My A.B.C. Just keep an smoking the whole day long.
That completes the l i s t . I t r u s t that you now have no f e a r s about what w i l l happen when you g e t thrown out o f I.C. ( c o p y r i g h t reserved)
PYTHAGORAM Across: E
6 *
4 a + a a +b (3)
(l)
(5) 6a
t
c/3
(7) (8) 5b,+ (9) b 2
4
t
+
2
c/3
3
t I'm fed up with l i f e . And scared of death, I've run out of paper And run out of breath. Reckon I ' l l go and have another drink. TEAPOT.
are
These i n c l u d e
HO!
Fluid flow's bad, Heat transfer's worse, I daren't write down What I think i n verse Looks like I ' l l f a i l my exams again.
These
These are by f a r the most moneymaking, but frowned upon by the c o n s t a b l e ;
The President of the most select group i n the college i s an interesting and amusing person, though always funniest when she does not mean to be. We can a l s o proudly say that Alison i s respectable - at least we thought so u n t i l we discovered her knitting a baby's cardigan and the presence of a pram in' the corridor outside h e r room. However this was satisfactorily explained by the pram belonging to the Dramatic Society and the cardigan was for A l i s o n ' s n i e c e . We heaved a sigh of r e l i e f - or was i t disappointment?
HEIGH
C l a s s F. may be d i v i d e d i n t o (a) Manufacturp r o c e s s e s , and (b) Recovery p r o c e s s e s .
ing
Downs »
(1 ) ( c + 1 0 ) - b/6 2
(2) 7ab (4) b
+ 3
2
(6) 2 c
2
+
(a-1)
FELIX
3 NON-SMOKER
Felix niE
NEWSPAPER OF
IMPERIAL
EditoriD.C.Kale.
COLLEGE
Circulation:
1200.
The s u c c e s s _ o f the B i r t h d a y D a n c e was due e n t i r e l y t o t h e h a r d w o r k put i n by s e v e r a l people. The E d i t o r wishes to thank i n p a r t i c u l a r M e s s r s . P i g g o t t , B r a y ( t h e M.C.), S e e l e y , Grimshaw, Starmer, Thomas, Deacon and Grasham; M i s s e s H a m i l t o n and McKenzie; S t a n Wardle and t h e E n t e r t a i n m e n t s Committee; Dave Cox and P a u l H a r d i n g for s e r v i n g b e h i n d the Bar; and the s e v e r a l o t h ers who o f f e r e d h e l p and s u g g e s t i o n s .
COMPETITION
RESULTS
L a s t Tuesday evening a p a r t y o f a dozen Guildsmen found themselves i n the Bar o f U n i v e r s i t y C o l l e g e w i t h the i n t e n t i o n o f e n j o y i n g what had been b i l l e d as a " J o i n t Smoking C o n c e r t " . T h i s was the f i r s t v e n t u r e of i t s k i n d and was an attempt by the E n g i n e e r i n g S o c i e t i e s o f K i n g s , Q.M.C., U.C. and G u i l d s t o b r i n g about c l o s e r cont a c t berween t h e i r members. U.C. o f f e r e d t o be the h o s t s a t the f i r s t o f what i s hoped w i l l t u r n out t o he an annual event. U n h a p p i l y , as a Smoking C o n c e r t , the event was a f a i l u r e s i n c e n o t h i n g had been done t o o r g a n i s e any form of entertainment o t h e r t h a n a s u p p l y o f beer (not f r e e , but much cheaper t h a n a t I.C.) and a p i a n o . The evening degenerated i n t o a beery s i n g - s o n g whose o n l y merit lay i n the l a r g e r e p e r t o i r e t h a t i s f o r t h c o m i n g when the e x p e r t s of f o u r c o l l e g e s get t o g e t h e r . The h i g h l i g h t of the evening was a s p i r i t e d r e n d e r i n g of the escapades of D.E. D i c k , and Others a r a r e enough event these days. F i v e minutes b e f o r e c l o s i n g time the h a n d f u l o f Guildsmen l e f t showed the o t h e r s how a C o l l e g e Y e l l s h o u l d be done and the evening came t o a c l o s e . I t i s hoped t h a t next y e a r , G u i l d s w i l l be the h o s t s and perhaps t h e n we w i l l have a Smoking Concert. THE
Nobody - but nobody - s u b m i t t e d an e n t r y f o r the I d e a l D i n n e r c o m p e t i t i o n announced i n the l a s t i s s u e o f FELIX, and n a t u r a l l y t h e r e a r e n o r e s u l t s t o announce. The E d i t o r c o n s i d e r s i t a v i n d i e a t i o n of n i s v i e w s , e x p r e s s e d l a s t y e a r i n an u n p u b l i s h e d v i e w p o i n t , t h a t p e o p l e i n I.C. do not c a r e a h i t f o r t h e i r p a l a t e s , and t h e r e f o r e d e s e r v e the t a s t e l e s s f o o d t h e y used to get i n the R e f e c t o r y . P e r h a p s y o u cannot a f f o r d v e r y good f o o d i n r e s t a u r a n t s ; but a t l e a s t dreaming up a good meal s h o u l d n o t be t o o d i f f i c u l t f o r i n t e l l i g e n t p e o p l e who b o a s t o f a U n i v e r s i t y e d u c a t i o n , d e v e l o p e d t a s t e s , and a l l t h e r e s t o f i t . Be t h a t as i t may, l e t us go on t o the next Competition. T h i s was the L i m e r i c k C o m p e t i i b i o n announced on the Dance t i c k e t , where two l i n e s o f a l i m e r i o k were g i v e n and you were asked t o f i n i s h i t . The p r e l i m i n a r y s o r t i n g o u t was d o n e w h i l e the" Dance p e o p l e w e r e b u s y l o o k i n g a t the f i l m show. The r e d u c e d e n t r y was then f u r t h e r s c r u t i n i s e d by a p a n e l under a s l i g h t m e n t a l f o g , and a v e r y much r e d u c e d number - 5 t o b e e x a c t - was t h e n r e a d out by the r e s p e c t i v e p o e t s t o t h e a u d i e n c e . ( T n i s was n e c e s s a r y b e c a u s e t h e E d i t o r r e f u s e d to r e a d out two o f t h e m , a n d a l s o b e c a u s e i t was b e t t e r from the c o m p e t i t o r s ' p o i n t o f v i e w . ) A u d i e n c e a p p l a u s e was made t h e b a s i s f o r t h e f i n a l d e c i s i o n , and i t u n m i s t a k a b l y s e l e c t e d one by Ray B o n n e t t , our T h e a t r e c r i t i c : An amorous s t u d e n t f r o m F r a n c e Who went t o t h e l a s t F E L I X d a n c e , Because o f t h e f o g Made l o v e t o a d o g Whioh a c c o u n t s f o r t h e p o o d l e s o f F r a n c e . The d i f f i c u l t y e n c o u n t e r e d i n r h y m i n g ' d a n c e ' was w e l l e x p r e s s e d by a n o t h e r : I've t r i e d day and n i g h t To g e t t h i s b verse r i g h t Damn F E L I X damn t h e s t u d e n t damn r o m a n c e . A l a r g e number o f l a d i e s a l s o s u b m i t t e d q u i t e strong e n t r i e s , one f r o m B e d f o r d g o i n g : Thought l o v e i n a m i s t Meant more t h a n j u s t k i s s e d And went home w i t h a k i c k i n h i s p a n * e . A W e s t f i e l d s t u d e n t p r o d u c e d t h i s one: To the gay l i f e u n u s e d , Became q u i t e , q u i t e b e m u s e d , And r e t u r n e d t o h i s home i n a t r a n c e . These show a l m o s t a l l t h e r h y m e s f o r ' d a n c e ' t h a t were o f f e r e d , t h e o t h e r s b e i n g g l a n c e a n d advance, o f w h i c h t h e l a t t e r was e x p l o i t e d i n many s u b t l e ones. Many good rhymes were s p o i l t by n o t h a v i n g a good enough s i t u a t i o n . M e s s r s . D. a n d V. A t kinson, McChesney, Berenbaum and S t u a r t s u b m i t ted g o o d veree, b u t were n o t i j u i t e up t o t h e mark. F i n a l l y , t h a n k s t o t h e man who s t a r t e d a l l t h i s : W a t t A W o r d s w o r t h , who c o m p o s e d t h e f i r s t two l i n e s a n d r e f u s e d t o do any m o r e .
"wr.TT" E d i t o r i a l Board: Editor Emeritus: A.E. Bray; News: G.H. Stermer; Features: D.A. Deacon; Sports: L.P.R. Harding; Photography: J. Kosky; Coming Events: G. Grimshaw. Production: J.S. Seeley; Circulation: W.J. Hudson; Publicity: D. Grasham: Advertising: A.R. Blake. Treasurer: J.H. Pownall; Secretary: Elizabeth Hamilton. Vacancies: Art Editor, two sub-editors. (Preferably one from R.C.S. and one from Guilds.)
GREAT
QUESTICN-
(With a p o l o g i e s to the Bard.) HAMLET. A c t I I I . Scene I . Servant: I hear his coming. Let's withdraw. (Exeunt the two. Enter Hamlet. (Goes to the mirror. To shave, or not to shave, - that i s the question:Whether ' t i s nobler i n the mind to suffer The stings and harrows of outrageous blades, Or to take no arms against a sea of whiskers, And by growing end them? - To brush - to shave No more; and by a beard to say we end The skin-ache, and the thousand natural shocks That flesh i s heir to, 'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd. To brush - to shave; To shave.' perchance to out: ay, there's the rub; For i n t h a t sweep of blade what screams may come, When we shuffle o f f this mortal c o i l , Must give us pause: .... ....who would fardels bear, To grunt and sweat~uh5er a weary"razor, But that the dread of something after beard, The undiscover'd country, .. p u z z l e s the w i l l , And makes us r a t h e r bear those i l l s we have Than f l y t o others t h a t we know not of? Thus conscience does make cowards of us a l l ; And thus the n a t i v e hue of complexion Is s i c k l i e d o'er w i t h the p a l e cast of soap; (Does so. And e n t e r p r i s e s of great p i t h and moment, With t h i s regard, t h e i r c u r r e n t s turn awry, And l o s e the name of a c t i o n . - Ow.' Soft you now.' The f a i r Ophelia.' - Nymph, i n t h y orisons Be a l l my scars remember'd. EXPERIENCE I was enjoying my d a i l y a p e r i t i f of Harpic and Orange i n the l i t t l e C o m e r seat that I u s u a l l y occupy at Sarspar e l l a ' s Spaghett i Emporium, my thoughts were elsevhere, winging away i n the great beyond, i n the lofty plane of the upper mind, the imagination. Then L o l a came i n t o my l i f e . No words can describe L o l a . She was j u s t m a g n i f i c e n t , as she slunk s e d u c t i v e l y towards me, h e r h i p s swinging with that smooth, s o p h i s t i c a t e d , rhythmic motion, I knew that I was experiencing scmething new, something d a r i n g l y different. My hand trembled, my mouth went dry, my heart ceased to beat; I was h e r slave completely and there was nothing I could do about i t . She was not blonde, or raven h a i r e d , or even a brunette; she was a d a z z l i n g , v i v a c i o u s , enchanting redhead. Her eyes were l a r g e and l i m p i d , i n t e l l i g e n t eyes set as a p a i r of jewels i n the heart shaped frame of her face. She was s l i m ; and she was s l e e k ; h e r legs were long and w e l l proportioned, and v/ith every movement you experienced v i r i l i t y - v i r i l i t y - v i r i l i t y Her whole demeanour gave you a sense of the jungle, a sense of primit i v e f o r c e which at a moments n o t i c e would buisst out to throw aside the c l o a k of c i v i l i z e d r e s p e c t a b i l i t y whioh now concealed h e r character. And y e t you f e l t you wanted to take h e r i n t o your arms and caress her, and t o whisper sweet nothings i n t o h e r ear w h i l s t she stroked up against your cheek. I have s i n c e bought L o l a and I inten d exhibiting her at next year's C r y s t a l Cat Show. Dead Eyed Dick Solution t o Pythagoram: a = 9; b = 12; c = 2 2 2 & + b = o
15;
The S i r Arthur Ackland ENGLISH ES3AX PRIZE. This Competition, Ttiich i s restricted to undergraduates, has the 15th o f January, 1954, as the f i n a l date of entry. The candidate must submit an original Engl i s h essay not more than 5000 words on any subject. Some of the winning t i t l e s have been: The Problem of Progress; An excursion i n E t h i c s ; Tftiat's i n a Name.
FELIX
4
L E T T E R S T O T H E EDITOR Sir, Members o f t h i s department were c u r i o u s t o see the " F e l i x P o s t e r " d i s p l a y e d i n the Onion which shows F e l i x i n the company o f a r e a l l y b e a u t i f u l "ginger" lady. You w i l l be i n t e r e s t e d t o know, S i r , t h a t the orange/yellow coat c o l o u r i n oats i s a s e x - l i n k e d oharacter. S e x - l i n k e d c h a r a c t e r s show up much more f r e q u e n t l y i n the h e t e r o g a m e t i c sex t h a n i n the homogametic sex. In mammals, the heterogameti c sex i s the male. * ^ Therefore, i n choosing a "ginger" lady f r i e n d , F e l i x has, once a g a i n , shown e x o e l l e n t t a s t e and an i n t e r e s t i n what i s out o f the o r d i n a r y . Should F e l i x be t h i n k i n g o f engagement and p o s s i b l e m a r r i a g e , I f e e l he s h o u l d be p r i v a t e l y i n s t r u c t e d t h a t he may expect " g i n g e r " sons and " t o r t o i s e " daughters. -4-^^^. I
am, Yours
truly, E.F. GEORGE
Botany Dept., R.C.S. •Bibliography D o n c a s t e r , L.,"On the I n h e r i t a n c e o f T o r t o i s e s h e l l and r e l a t e d C o l o u r s i n C a t s " , Proo. Camb. P h i l . Soc. x i i i , p t . l , p.35 1904 Dear S i r , I s h o u l d l i k e t o e n q u i r e why the R.C.S. I n t e r p l a n e t a r y S o o i e t y found i t neoessary to go to the moon to g a i n the b e n e f i t s o f n i g h t s a mere twenty«eight days l o n g , when i t i s w e l l known t o s t u d e n t s of e p i c p o e t r y t h a t , merely by t r a v e l l i n g to a not-so-remote p a r t o f t h i s e a r t h , n i g h t s s i x months l o n g oan r e a d i l y be e ^ j e r i e n o e d . Yours f a i t h f u l l y JOHN C. HENDY
)C=0URT1N6 An Isobutane sadly said Nodding h i s isomeric head, • It's really time that I wed, But who? He searched i n vain f o r a beauty queen, Then metanormal butylene, Unsaturated, poor and mean She'll do.* He pursued her with a l l haste He the handsome, she the chaste, They hadn't any time to waste These two. And now you'll find him and h i s mate, •i Mr. and Mrs. Alkylate i, Homologously intimate , And true. / J ^ J.S.O.
Dear Sir, We do not intend to The R.C.S. has made up i t s mind. participate i n a Morphy Day Rag. In the past few years the Rags have developed into vulgar brawls, as witnessed i n the R.C.S. building this year after the mobs had returned to South Ken., and i t i s f e l t that i f a Rag i s desirable a more suitable day could be chosen. This year the R.C.S. assembled on the towpath to support the Morphy and Lowry crews and for no other reason. You, Sir, obviously regard the races of minor importance and suggest that i t i s only the Rags on which the success or failure of Morphy Day depends. The R.C.S. Boat Club capt a i n appealed to a Union Meeting f o r support of h i s crews and this he got with very pleasing results which made i t a very successful Morphy Day as f a r as the R.C.S. was concerned. Unfortunately your E d i t o r i a l attacked me personally and I should like to point out how unfair you were i n your comments. Because of my association with the Soccer Club my loyalties on t h a t day were regretably divided. As President of R.C.S. I should have liked to have given vocal support to the R.C.S. crews but as Captain of the R.C.S.A.F.C. I honestly thought that my presence on the Soccer f i e l d was more urgently required. The results proved my case. Many other R.C.S. Union o f f i c i a l s were i n the same predicament as myself and they too decided to support their respective Clubs. The attitude of the R.C.S. on the question of the Morphy Day Rag must not be misconstrued as a general attack on a l l forms of Rags. This i s definitely not so. We hope to take part i n some, well conducted, good humoured, Rags in the future and, indeed, correspondence to this effect has been exchanged between the President of Guilds and myself. Tours Sincerely, J. Anderson.
Whisky The But For And
Song
Lecturer stood i n the theatre, the benches were barren and cold, Christmas had came to the college, students had l e f t f o r the fold.
The Lecturer went to the Staff room. It also was c h i l l y and bare. But there was a bottle of whisky.' - Having a nap i n a chair. The Lecturer woke up the whisky, He'd never drunk any before. He quaffed this f o r t i f i e d s p i r i t And tumbled inert to the floor. They found h i s corpse next half session, The moon was then at the f u l l . And the moral derived from this story, Is to wear* socks of cotton - not wool. J.V.B.
*OSSWOF
m 1
by MUCK
1 FRIDAY DEC. 11TH; 5.15 p.m. i n Committee Room 'A' I.C. C a t h o l i c Soc. "Some A s p e c t s i n the L i f e o f C a r d i n a l Newman", by the Very Rev. Mgr. Gordon Wheeler M.A. DEC. 11-13TH: U n i o n o f C a t h o l i c S t u d e n t s , "Cathol i c a c t i o n i n the U n i v e r s i t y " , e n q u i r i e s M i s s Agnes B r a y , 11, C a v e n d i s h Square, W.l. DEC. 11TH & 12TH: I.C. Dram. S o c , "The H o l l o w " by Agatha Christ.'.e. TUESDAY DEC. 15TH:, 7.30-11.30 p.m., U.C.L. U n i o n " C h r i s t m a s B a l l " a t Seymour H a l l , W.l. T i c k e t s 6/s i n g l e , 10/- d o u b l e . 'WEDNESDAY DEC. 16TH: 5.45 p.m., R.C.S. Nat. H i s t . Soc. S t a f f - S t u d e n t " Q u i z - c u m - B r a i n s - T r u s t " i n Bot a n y L e c t u r e ^Theatre. 7 . 3 0 p.m., R.C.S. Nat. H i s t . Soc. " C h r i s t m a s P a r t y " Uppe r D i n i n g H a l l . T i c k e t s 2/6 s i n g l e , 4/6 d o u b l e . THURSDAY DgS. 17TH: 1.15 p.m., International Relat i o n s C l u b G e n e r a l M e e t i n g i n Committee Room 'A'. Acton T e c h n i c a l College Students' 7 . 3 0 - 1 1 . 4 5 p.m., U n i o n "Christma s Dance" a t A c t o n Town H a l l . Admis s i o n 3/6 a t d o o r . 1.15 p.m., i n C.&G. C o u n c i l Room, I.C. Musi c Soc., C a n t a t a 0 2 — " I t i s e n o u g h " — b y B a c h . D.B. F r y ( b a r i t o n e ) , John B a r n e t t (oboe). A l s o oboe q u a r t e t by M o z a r t . FRIDAY Peg. I8TH1 9 p.m.-6 a.m., "ORGIA ROM AN A.' " 11 p.m.-5 a.m. i n t h e R o y a l F e s t i v a l H a l l , "The Swots' B a l l " . T i c k e t s 21/-.
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ACROSS; (1) I t ' s a l l wrong and r a t h e r , , boring. ( 5 ) J e s t e r a l a Shakespeare. (6) A p e r p e t u a l q u e s t i o n . DOWN:C2) Nervous movement w i t h o u t t e a . (3) A r e c e n t d i s c o v e r y } t h i s b i t i s a l l jaw. (4) He's r a t h e r c o n f u s e d .
WISH i co«n> S E E T H E Bft<K. e P
FELIX N O W ? D A N C E ~ THE
TRUDGE
SECONDHAND
P l e a s u r e i s o u r t a i l e d by the p o s s e s s i o n o f l a r g e , u n g a i n l y f e e t o r the i n a b i l i t y to oomprehend complex dance p a t t e r n s ; and, too, the tempo of many modern dances i s such as to r a p i d l y induce a s t a t e of acute f a t i g u e . I t i s with t h i s i n mind t h a t we b r i n g to the n o t i c e o f I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e t h i s new and e n t h r a l l i n g s o c i a l pastime, The Trudge.
P r e - e x i s t i n g forms o f danoing are d i s r e g a r d e d achieve the supreme o b j e c t o f any a r t , s i m p l i c i t y .
to
Now t h a t the Trudge i s here, there can be no excuse f o r the person who "can't dance t h i s one". The Trudge i s danoed i n s t r i c t time to any tune and any rhythm, a t qne step per bar. In c o n t r a s t to t h a t e x t r e m i s t o f f s h o o t , the "Creep", no u n i f o r m i s n e o e s s a r y j but f o r those who wish to d r e s s f o r the o c c a s i o n , c l o t h caps and muff l e r s are t o be recommended and, f o r the l a d i e s , gypsy soarves o r turbans. Those o f us who are o l d enough to r e c a l l the days of the " o l d s o f t shoe" w i l l f i n d a n o s t a l g i a i n i t s e l e g a n t promenade, whereas the more y o u t h f u l element oan "go to town" i n such v a r i a t i o n s as the " A l l aboard" and the " B u r l y " . In f a c t , a l l moodB and c a p r i c e s oan f i n d e x p r e s s i o n i n t h i s unique recreation. Here i s a danoe which l e n d s i t s e l f to innumerable spontaneous i n n o v a t i o n s but, f o r the b e n e f i t of the beginner, we s e t f o r t h below some o f The average the more important s t e p s i n d e t a i l . p e r s o n s h o u l d encounter no d i f f i c u l t y once the f u n damental s t e p i s mastered. BASIC TRUDGE : Commence: f e e t t o g e t h e r , f a c i n g p a r t n e r . 1. On any beat o f ba r p l a c e r i g h t f o o t 12 inches i n f r o n t o f l e f t f o o t , t r a n s f e r r i n g weight to r i g h t f o o t . 2. On c o r r e s p o n d i n g beat o f next b a r p l a c e l e f t f o o t 12 i n c h e s i n f r o n t of r i g h t f o o t b r i n g i n g weight onto l e f t f o o t . Repeat "ad l i b " . Lady c o n t r a . F o r advanced d a n c e r s , THE
we
A.M.Ehillips J.T.Boot K.W.Glover M.A. KennellyM.J. Weston -
Chem. Eng.(c/o Guilds Rack.) " " . ' Chem. Tech.(P.G.) Chem. 2. C i v i l Eng.
CHEMISTRY Physical Chemistry numerical Problems i n P.O. Textbook of P.O. Elementary P.C Practical P.O.
WOLFENDKN GLASSTONE TAYLOROTAYLOR FINDLAY
Introduction to P.C. FINDLAY Surface Chemistry I ALEXANDER Physics and Chem. of Surfaces ADAM Nature of Chemical Bond , PAULING Valency PALMER TTTCT.T. Acids & Bases Kinetics of Chemical Change mNSHELWOaD Inorganic and Organic Inorganic Chemistry EHffiAXM Struotural Inorganic C.(2nd.Ed) WELLS Modern Theories of Org. Chem. WATSON Qualitative Ch. Analysis PAWKIN Miscellaneous Chemical Spectroscopy THOMSON Modern Radiochem. Practice COOK * DUNCAN MATHEMATICS Infinite Series HYSLCP Infinitesimal Calculus LAMB Differential Equations PIAGGIS Pure Mathematics HARDY PHYSICS Introduction to Ph. Optics ROBERTSON Eleto. 4 Mag.(For Degree Students) _ STARLING Gen. Properties of Matter NEWMAN & SEARLB Wave Mechanics HEITLER ENGINEERING Bydraulios LEWITT Thermodynamics applied to Heat Engines | LEWITT Testing of Internal Combustion Engines I YOUNG & PRY0R SPECIAL AND UNREPEATABLE OFFER.' German Dictionary |
10/-(d) 10/-(d) 8/6(e) 15/-(d) 20/-(d) 20/-(d) 5/-(b) 5/-(c) 5/-(c) 5/-(c) 7/6(d)
recommend
"LOGRYTHMI01:
Commence: f r o m t h e B a s i c T r u d g e . Bar one. Put r i g h t f o o t 4 i n c h e s i n f r o n t of l e f t f o o t . Bar two. Put l e f t f o o t 8 i n c h e s i n f r o n t of r i g h t f o o t . Bar t h r e e . Put r i g h t f o o t 16 i n c h e s i n f r o n t "of l e f t f o o t . Bar f o u r . P u t l e f t f o o t 32 i n c h e s i n f r o n t of r i g h t f o o t . Bar f i v e . P u t r i g h t f o o t 64 i n c h e s i n f r o n t of l e f t f o o t . Repeat t o the 'n'th. To c o n c l u d e , l e t u s ( t h e a u t h o r s ) s a y t h a t we e n v i s a g e t h e advance o f T r u d g i n g on a n a t i o n - w i d e basis. We s e e t h e i n s t i t u t i o n o f T r u d g e H o p s , Trudge B a l l s , Square T r u d g e s and B a r n T r u d g e s , and yes, e v e n t h e a n n u a l e l e c t i o n o f many a M i s s T r u d g e
the
BOOKS.
The following books are offered for sale;if you are interested i n buying any of them do NOT communicate with FELIX .Instead,contact the seller through the I.C. Union Rack (unless otherwise stated).
Many o f us who have a t t e n d e d recent s o c i a l f u n c t i o n s i n the U n i v e r s i t y have n o t i c e d a growing d i s s a t i s f a c t i o n with dancing i n i t s p r e s e n t foriu.
The Trudge i s , e s s e n t i a l l y , pure dancing i n which the r e s t r i c t i o n s o f p h y s i o l o g y and anatomy are e l i m i n a t e d , and the p l e a s u r e s o f f r e e , rhythmio movement can be enjoyed t o the f u l l .
s
We i n v i t e you t o the Trudge i n the words from Trudge Hoe-down ( t o be presented s h o r t l y ) : I n t r o d u c t o r y Chord) Caller: Dishonour your partners! ( C r a s h i n g Chord) Caller: R o s i n on t h e bow And away we g o j ( J o l l y tune) Take y o u r p a r t n e r by t h e hand, T r u d g e down t h e r o o m t o w a r g g ^ J h e When y o u g e t t h e r e , d o n ' t r e m a i n , Butv T r u d g e a r o u n d a n d b a c k a g a i n . D. T.
Sentimental
Rudge. Rudge.
Value
* p e r b o n who ' b o r r o w e d ' a c i g a r e t t e c a s e f r o m t h e H a l l P o r t e r ' s O f f i c e o n Mon. 3 0 t h N o v p l e a s e r e t u r n same t o o w n e r . D.S.
COX., R.S.M.
Headers are reminded that personal advertisements emeats are accepted a t 6d. for 20 words. a a v e r t l 5
A N O D E TO A LONG-PLAYING RECORD "(In
the W h i t c h u r c h i a n
Modernistio Style)
Oh; Oh: Oh, how b e a u t i f u l Are the raucous n o i s e s That you make. Oh, l o n g - p l a y i n g r e c o r d , long-playing record; Why? Why s h o u l d I Write an ode ,to you, Long-playing record? Dear! And through i t a l l the Red Cow And waved h e r hammer And S i c k l e .
Fundamentals of O p t i c s General Prop, of Matter . L.P.R.Harding.
s a t and
thought
JENKINS & WHITE NEWMAN & SEARLE
38/23/-
FELIX
6
f
P
i
l
U.L.RUGBY CUP
2nd
Westminster College 6 p t s .
SHOOTING
T
Again t h i s season, despite strong e f f o r t s to avoid i t , none of the I.C. teams shot well at first. But the Lady Fortune has been on our side, and despite low scores, 8 of the 9 matches whose r e s u l t s are published have been won, and the other tied.
ROUND
Imperial College 9 pts.
This time the College XV r e a l l y began l i k e cupholders. The Westminster defence was severely tested when F e r r i s made a well-judged diagonal punt ahead, and again when Spooner ran strongly on the r i g h t wing. There was no e a r l y score, but a f t e r twenty minutes some f a s t , accurate passing by the back l i n e brought the b a l l to Palmer with room to run, and be crossed i n the corner f o r an excellent try. Further attacks included a passing movement by the forwards from a l i n e o u t , completed by a k i c k to the corner f l a g ; but t h i s e f f o r t was stopped by Soon a f t e r tbe i n t e r v a l , the half-time whistle. from a heel on the Westminster '25' Holnan cut through i n splendid s t y l e and handed on to Jones and Palmer f o r the l a t t e r to score again. Then Lewis, who had been just short with the two conversions, kicked a penalty goal to make i t 9-0. At t h i s stage a thick mist began to blot out the f i e l d and the play became only i n t e r m i t t e n t l y v i s i b l e . The touch-line theory that I.C. were coasting comf o r t a b l y home was rudely shaken by two penalty goals to Westminster f r o a quite unnecessary infringements. With ten minutes l e f t anything could have happened i n such strange conditions, but fortunately the forwards monopolised the b a l l from a series of l i n e outs, and regained control of the proceedings.
In the I n t e r - V a r s i t y League, I.C. "A" heads the table with 2 wins i n 2 matches, although not leading on aggregate score. This may be put r i g h t with the next score-sheet, however, f o r i n i t s 3rd. match the "A" team obtained the record score of 790 out of a possible 800; a great c r e d i t to a l l concerned. Without d e t r a c t i n g from personal glory, t h i s score i s a g r a t i f y i n g r e s u l t of the recent purchase of 2 f i r s t - c l a s s target r i f l e s f o r the uee of the more s k i l l e d shots. The "B" team beat Birmingham "B", but t i e d with Durham "B" and so must look to t h e i r l a u r e l s i n the 2nd. D i v i s i o n . A l l three I.C. teams i n the U.L. League have won t h e i r f i r s t round matches. On Wednesday 2 5 t h November, I.C.R.C. was at home to the Metropolitan P o l i c e 1st. Ten, who were narrowly beaten a f t e r an excellent match. L a t e r , over beer and sandwiches, the v i s i t i n g Captain presented a s i l v e r spoon to 1.11. Abbott, who had made the highest score (a "possible") on the I.C. evening eventually came to a r e l u c t a n t side. The close amid arrangements f o r a r e t u r n match i n May.
This was a greatl y improved performance, although the team i s s t i l l slow to seize on defensive fumbles, and more v a r i e t y i n attack would turn scoring p o t e n t i a l into p o i n t s . Tha backs were w e l l served by Pontin and handled e f f i c i e n t l y . The forwards, though sometimes ragged i n the loose scrums, generally held the upper hand and won a s a t i s f a c t o r y share of the b a l l .
Amid the spate of matches, club competitions continue as usual, and It bodes well f o r future years t h a t a number of new members are showing promise. The Club Championship, Freshers' Handicap, P i s t o l Championship, and other annual compet i t i o n s w i l l be shot next term; the Annual Dinner w i l l be held on Thursday 25th. Maroh.
IAE.S.EE SQUASH CUP
Your announcement l a s t week about two new Social Clubs to be set up i n I.C. have i n s p i r e d a group of Miners to set up an organisation which, though i t cannot by any s t r e t c h of the imagination be included under the Social Clubs, dv'je perfo.rn a function very s i m i l a r to, and i n f a c t much more fundamental than that performed by any of the others. This i s p r o v i s i o n a l l y named the Inter-Collegiate Association f o r the Exchange of Students f o r S o c i a l Functions. It i s not yet known i f any of the other Colleges would co-operate, but there i e no reason why they should. In that event, i t w i l l be renamed the I.C. Association . . . e t c . As readers w i l l no doubt have guessed by now, t h i s exchange i s l i m i t e d to female students only. It i e modelled on tha excellent International Association f o r the Exchange of Students f o r Technical Experience, which has been of so much use to I.C. students. Run along the same l i n e s , i t w i l l have s i m i l a r regulations and a comparable standard of e f f i c i e n c y , which means i t w i l l be very e f f i c i e n t . Students need partners f o r various reasons: one which i s excellent f o r a Bridge party might not be quite the type to be i n v i t e d to a 21st birthday celebration. One to whom you might enjoy reading Keats' (or f o r that matter your own) poetry would not be very suitable a partner f o r a C a r n i v a l , and What we propose to do i s to set up a so on. Register of names and d e t a i l s of several people. Just the same as the Vacation Work scheme, one w i l l have to pay a small r e g i s t r a t i o n fee. After a while, both of the p a r t i e s concerned w i l l make reports on each other, and these w i l l be added to the f i l e s .
CLUB
RUN ENDED
After a record breaking season last year, most of the stalwarts of the Squash Club disbursed to f a r corners of the globe leaving the Club practically devoid of experienced players. Although a number of good clas3 freshmen Joined i u r ranks there were no"windfalls" oomparable to â&#x20AC;˘that of last year and aa a result, i t was realised that the role of the club would be to maintain the fixtures and b u i l d up a fresh team i n the hope of another record season l a t e r on. So f a r this term both teams have won several matches and lost rather more, but a l l have been well fought and thoroughly enjoyed. Unfortunately, i n common with a number of other I.C. clubs, our hold on the U.L. Cup was r e l i n quished i n the f i r s t round. The club i s evidently as popular as ever this year; t h i s being shown by the very large entry of 46 f o r the Whiteley Cup tournament and the fact that a l l coaching dates f o r the term had been f u l l y booked within the f i r s t week. Finally, the Club would l i k e to pat i t s tribute to that 'Grand Old Man* of squash, Jeff Kenyon, who l e f t I.C. f o r Africa earlier this month. Jeff, had captained the Club twioe, won the Whiteley cup six years running, played as the College f i r s t string for the same number of years and added greatly to the prestige of the Club and College by his sportsmanship. Thank you, Jeff. ;
This of course i s only the germ of the idea, and considerable research and organisation w i l l have to be done before anything d e f i n i t e can happen. We need helpers to take t h i s plan a stage further, and would i n v i t e any of your readers to contact us for d e t a i l s . A l l information, of course, remains secret. Please address a l l l e t t e r s to the Eon. S e c , I.A.E.F.F.S., v i a the Union Rack. A l l letters will not be promptly dealt with, though some might be. The President's decision w i l l be f i n a l i n a l l cases.
C r o s s - C o u n t r y Club The bad start to the season i s gradually being r e c t i fied. We have now beaten Keble College, Oxon.,Queen Mary College and Exeter University i n f i r s t team matches, although we have lost to Walton A.C., IJ.II.A. Sandhurst, and Reading and Southampton Universities. The 'A* and second teams havu done better having a 60jÂŁ record of .success. Individually, Pain and Bailey have been U.L. f i r s t team regulars. Norman Huxford, our captain has been running well a l l season, but special mention must be made of Allnatt, whose improvement of form over last year has amazed us a l l . We must await the U.L. Championships next Saturday 12th December.
P u b l i s h e d b y the fULIx
Editor's Note: We found t h i s i n the Rack, with no signature or any i n d i c a t i o n of the i d e n t i t y of the author. Even i f i t was i n d i c a t e d , though, he (we presume that I.C.W.A. members w i l l not do anything of t h i s nature, the sweet l i t t l e souls!) would wish to remain anonymous i n any case. FELIX Kill'welcome any more information on the progress of t h i s scheme.
Board. Imperial College U n i o n .
P r i n t e d b y i " II Vous Phil
lid.,
1. E s h i b i t i o n
L o n d o n . S. W . 7.
R d . . S. W . 7.