http://felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1973/1973_0337_A

Page 1

FELIX Paper

of Imperial

£5,000 I

IN UNION FUNDS

College

UMh

8 a

IM.-vj

j o b of editing

The

'WHERE A R E OUR

Mr.

M . Moloney

two

weeks

Dowson June

RAG M A G S ? '

FELIX Editor censured— but resignation bid fails

h a d already

been

and

o u r job was completed. Dowson

cheerfully into

BtjA In

h i m , ironing out

weeks

T h e jokes

into

exactly

t h e session

a n d written

o u t a n d sent

offered

the R a g Mags

(six weeks

time

to m e a n d

b y m y co-editor

o f -seeing

It w a s n o w three

h a d to be typed

concerned,

F r e e

it printed. This w a s done

week

which

imI

B y the e n d of the

approached

a matter

m i n o r problems a n dgetting

only

I«>7:i

session, t h e R a g M a g w a s complete.

one now

y

the R a g M a g was given

of the next

later.

a

rihiGd

i n J u n e last year.

so i t w a s j u s t

materif.l

to t h e p r i n t e r s ,

to do. A s f a r as w e w e r e

would arrive

the term).

in about

three

S o f a r so good.

weeks

B u t then

came a set back. It

The Finance and E x penditure C o m m i t t e e of the College have agreed to a £5,000 rise i n the U n i o n grant f o r next year. A t present the U n i o n gets a per c a p i t a grant of £8, which aggregates to £33,000. A n n u a l u n i o n expenditure is at present o f the order of £41,000, O K v e r D o w s o n , E d i t o r of F E L I X , was "severely c e n s u r e d " for " h i s part i n the the difference being m a d e p r i n t i n g of the r a g m a g s " at last M o n d a y ' s I . C . U n i o n C o u n c i l M e e t i n g . T h e g o o d b y i n c o m e f r o m the censure m o t i o n f o l l o w ed discussion of a paper prepared by C h e m i s t r y Department bookshop a n d union i n representative a n d R a g M a g editor M i c h a e l W i l l i a m s . vestments ( a l l i n B r i t i s h A n amendment, tabled b y P a u l Jowitt, D e p u t y PreSavings B o n d s ) . below w h i c h was discussed sident of 1.C U n i o n c a l l i n g for M r . D o w s o n ' s resignathe meeting. " A d o c u at The C o m m i t t e e has t i o n as F E L I X editor over the issue was defeated, b u t ment which in m y opinion given a generous rise of not before M r . J o w i t t had succeeded i n dragging n u m the facts, misrepresents £100 o n the U n i o n ' s deerous parts of M r . D o w s o n ' s private life into the and o n l y presents them m a n d for £4,900. B u t argument. M a n y at the meeting delighted i n these f r o m one angle, can h ardnews this week throws a ly be termed as 'someexposes, as M r . D o w s o n w i l l i n g l y replied to a l l the shadow of d o u b t o n whething' w h i c h makes the alle»ations. ther o r not the £5,000 w i l l facts as p l a i n as p o s s i b l e " , be f o r t h c o m i n g . C o u n c i l also mandated said M r . D o w s o n , "especed the. meeting as .a " b a r M r . D o w s o n to p r i n t the ially when its allegations baric o r d e a l " . In converGOVERNMENT "discussion document" are potentially l i b e l l o u s " . sation, he. asked M r . D o w BLOCK containing allegations son to appreciate the H e d i d however state Queen Mary College against himself o n the "necessity" of his actions. that, b y c o m p a r i s o n w i t h and R o y a l H o l l o w a y C o l - front page of this issue o f T a l k i n g to F E L I X , M r . the allegations i n the lege U n i o n s b o t h colleges F e l i x . M a n y further alleD o w s o n said that he h a d document, those m a d e at gations, i n c l u d i n g charges w i t h i n the U n i v e r s i t y of expected a n d k n e w that the meeting were q u i t e L o n d o n , also p u t i n for of c o r r u p t i o n , bribery and certain facts w o u l d have ludicrous. H e specifically U n i o n fee increases this dishonesty were levelled to be discussed at some referred to the arguments against M r . D o w s o n at the term. time. " B u t 1 f a i l to see the used b y M r . J o w i t t i n h i s meeting. of discussing necessity c a l l f o r h i s resignation. H o w e v e r , the colleges certain of the matters M r . D o w s o n told a F e l referred the increases to " T h e suggestion that I touched o n , certainly n o t the Universities G r a n t s i x reporter after the meet'rigged' the p r i n t i n g c o n at a n open C o u n c i l meettract for F E L I X w i th the C o m m i t t e e , for guidance i n g that the majority o f i ng." the allegations were " c o m printers i n order to g a i n o n h o w the freeze w o u l d plete f a b r i c a t i o n s " . H e M r . D o w s o n said that financial reward f o r m y affect their p a y i n g a n i n said that he h a d been exof C o u n c i l , o f self is absolutely untrue. the action crease t o the U n i o n . T h e w h o m the P u b l i c a t i o n s is a s h o c k i n g allegaIt pecting a censure m o t i o n U G C controls the flow of B o a r d is a sub-committee, t i o n to m a k e . A c t i o n of a l l year " a s any s a b b a t i c a l a l l money to universities in m a n d a t i n g h i m to pubthis nature o n m y part officer—especially i n the and university colleges. w o u l d constitute fraud" lish a self-defamatory first year o f a n e w sabT h e y i n t u r n referred the h i m in he went o n . document, placed b a t i c a l post — p r o b a b l y matter to the G o v e r n . T h e only commission " a n invidious p o s i t i o n " . ment, w h o have indicated d o e s " b u t m o r e f o r h i s he received o n print he h a n d l i n g of F E L I X , "esH e was d u b i o u s about that the freeze also a p h a d got for I C U w a s o n p e c i a l l y p o l i t i c a l issues" the second part of the some plies here. Ents Committee than f o r this. m o t i o n , w h i c h required posters, h e s a i d , a n d this T h e U G C have thus h a d been passed o n to the h i m to print " s o m e t h i n g " " I t c a n only be desb l o c k e d the increases, and Union. i n this issue of F E L I X cribed as a w i t c h u n t , " he it is l i k e l y that a c i r c u l a r T h e discussion d o c u " t o make the facts as p l a i n said. " S o m e members of w i l l be sent to a l l univerment w h i c h specifically as possible". C o u n c i l subsities i n the course of the C o u n c i l , eager to injure refers to M r . D o w s o n ' s next few weeks advising m e i n a n y w a y possible, sequently decided, that alleged m i s h a n d l i n g o f the t h e m not to p a y increased be p r i n t i n g of the .rag mags, " s o m e t h i n g " should seized u p o n this opporU n i o n fees for next sesis reproduced below. done about the document s i o n unt i l the conditions tunity to i m p l i c a t e me as having made nefarious of Phase I I I are a n n o u n DISCUSSION PROPOSED ced. deals that served to injure by Mike J . L. Williams the U n i o n , and to p r y o u t T h i s news came as a SUBJECT: m a n y details of m y p r i v surprise to I C U n i o n Ollie D o w s o n a n d h i s h a n d l i n g of t h e R a g Mags. offices o n Sunday, and n o ate life that are n o c o n It i s w i t h r e g r e t t h a t I b r i n g t h i s t o p i c t o t h e a t t e n t i o n m e n t i o n has apparently cern o f t h e i r s " . of C o u n c i l . T o o m a n y times i n t h e past y e a r I've g i v e n been m a d e b y the college P a u l J o w i t t , i n a letter D o w s o n t h e benefit of t h e d o u b t b u t n o w t h e r i d i c u l o u s authorities of a n y restricstate of affairs c o n c e r n i n g t h e R a g M a g s s i m p l y C A N N O T tions on paying the 'apologising' to M r . D o w go o n a n y l o n g e r . £5,000. son the next day, describ-

M

appears

material to

that

Dowson

out i n time

inform

anyone

fell

i l l a n d couldn't

to get it to t h e printers

about

type

(he

his illness). T h e printers

received

the copy

three

received

a n H.M.S.O. contract, f o r six m i l l i o n copies

highway

code.

A

long

the

days late b y w h i c h time, i t appears, they

was naturally expected

to change

m a n concerned

ceived

only

material, had

although

the printers

to Roneo Rogers.

Dowson

l e d people and would

n o w it w a s t h e e n d of t e r m

derstandably

very

But

I

surely,

truth,

thought,

would

to

believe

andmany

re-

no written that

print in a few

if

Dowson

h a d been

(now ostensibly

arrive

by the beginning

continually pressed,

badgered

telling

i n the hands

the

of M r .

of the 2 n d t e r n . d i d . It was a! was becoming

a n d pleaded

with

Dowson

about the R a g Mags. I always got the same reply: "Just it a f e w weeks and they'll t u r n up. I'll give M r . Rogers sometime curred

a n d see w h a t

many,

many

with exposure fortunate

because

the Action

f o r some

contacted that

there

was

apparently

material thus he

would

some

still

I

gave

for

threatened

o u t t h e rest typing

the 'Express' been

function-

moving.

(if

of

to send

h i m . Dowson

n o t all) of Dowson

Rogers

the written the

assured

written me

of it (thus admitting that

to do —

even

after

m a t e r i a l to T o n y At

assur-

It w a s a t

end

Rogers. it's

finally

happened.

t u r n e d o u t to be as worthless

B u t that

as t h e rest. A t t h e

o f t h e 2 n d term, still nothing h a d happened.

It

was n o w the Easter

Dowson using

spent

i n Ireland

the phone

him

contacted

number

M r . Tony only

obtained

vacation, where

reluctant

Rogers.

connected

M r . Rogers'

correct

a l e t t e r c / o t h a t m a i n office. no R a g Mags

the

final

a n d expressed

a feeling

main

office.

by

writing

I asked h i m

b y phone

material

out of

eventually

because t h e

In that letter

said that h e , also, h a d h a d great

Dowson

I

number

h a d arrived. H e replied

received

it)

Vickers

phone

him. So

to squeeze

I say "eventually"

why

hadn't

unsurprisingly.

not reach

to give

m e to R o n e o

him

STILL

which,

I could

1 h a d managed

(he w a s extremely

number

He

Dowson

sent i n the last l o t of typed o u t

last! A t last! I thought,

assurance

I

finally

that there

previous

a r r i v a l of t h e R a g Mags).

the next t o last I.C.U. C o u n c i l o f t h e 2 n d t e r m that told m e that h e h a d

He

m e the explanation

t h e rest

had omitted some

of the imminent

read

hasn't

it got Dowson

i n h i s possession.

some

oc-

term.

sort of mix-up a n d Tony

waiting

Dowson

type

still

was ances

doesn't

a n d later

having

still

moving,

department

n o w ) . Still,

h a d been

which

material

Dowson

Line

Rogers

admitted

dialogue

the second

to get D o w s o n

that

time

Tony

is".This

throughout

give

a ring

to the Daily Express' A c t i o n Line. (It is

perhaps ing

the hold-up

times

a last-ditch effort

In him

he

weeks.

people were u n -

The 2 n d term arrived a n d no R a g Mags this point Dowson's blatant unco-operation very noticeable. I

where

upset at t h e non-arrival of t h e R a g Mags.

the R a g Mags

Rogers)

.Vickers

M r . Rogers

of t h e R a g M a g w i t h

a l l the copy

.

a n d so D p w s o n w a s

was M r . Tony

a small part

received

By

had

of the '

delay

persuaded

the

omitted

that h e

from

Dowson.

difficulty

i n contacting

of contempt

for the atti-

tude of our Felix editor i n his business methods. So w e a p p r o a c h t h e e n d of this saga of frustrated to

obtain

a R a g Mag.

I asked

Tony

that he h a d of the copy i n t h e hope few

things

finally

missing,

I

could

Rogers

attempts

to send

me all

that if there w a s only a

supplement

it, return

it.a n d

get a R a g M a g . T h e sole contents of t h e f o l d e r h e sent

me

was:

the

cover,

offices

of

the route

map, a f e w pin-ups (obtained

the Daily

Mirror)

a n d a f e w notes

from the

on printing

specifications. M i s s i n g were: all t h e jokes, features,

On Monday where

cartoons, the crossword, photographs,

advertisements

artwork,

a n d credits.

8thM a yI saw Dowson

I asked h i m where

i n t h e I.C. U n i o n

t h e rest o f t h e copy

office

was. H e said

that he still h a d it a t home.

I asked h i mto bring it i nthe

following

to do this. A t the time

day a n d he agreed

of writ-

ing he still hasn't. I n c o n c l u s i o n I ' d l i k e to r e f e r ( M i n . N o . 998) w h e r e power

to t h e last Council

meeting

D o w s o n s a i d t h a t h e w o u l d d o a l l i n his;

to get the R a g Mags here k n o w i n g a l l along that

couldn't possibly

come

while

he still h a d most

they

of t h e copy.

RECOMMENDATIONS: i

I.C.U. C o u n c i l severely part

ii

c e n s u r e s M r . O. F . D o w s o n , f o r has

i n tlhe h a n d l i n g o f t h e p r i n t i n g o f t h e R a g M a g s .

I.C.U. C o u n c i l mandates t h e E d i t o r of F e l i x to p r i n t thing

i n t h e next

plain

as possible

available

edition

(The "something"

discussed b y Council).

to m a k e referred

some-

t h e facts as to should be

^ ^ Chemistry Department Rep. SUK/IC Rag M a gEditor y

W

I

L

L

I

A

M

S


30th May, 1973

FELIX

Page 2

JOHN

Letters to the Editor

LANE

President's

Piece

PRICES Although mittee's

of

Friday's Finance and Executive IC's Governing

Body

Com-

heard a recom-

m e n d a t i o n f r o m the Secretary of the C o l l e g e M r . ious

Felix.

deep-

yore

when

that

first

lecture

I read the tale of the

sad

day

there

demise

Ap-

pile

Sir.

It was

with

est feeling

of regret

of Mr.

pleby

and copies

sheet

ghosted the

missing

of

Broad-

away

night.

thought sion

Ron

his

400

ing

the

dur-

The

very

heave

with

my

breast

sorrow.

as I stop to wring shirt may I offer sincere

cient.

He would

ing

into lectures

can scarcely Felix

on the

night

I

offer were

tors

of

crime

can-

any light

who

the this

but

as to

should

up.

all

After

tical

Whilst office ed

should

sheet

who

content

is

not

only

with his quota

copy

but

whole

wants

satisfaction (a potential

worth—rotten

or Punch

or

Mr.

police

to investigate

rotten

felony.

Is he

something?

covering

up?

introverted

fit of

frenzy

have

in

Journal

of

versity

College

by the finely

the

these

call-girls

the downfall eemed

mean

of our

editorial

after

mission

After

sheet has no problems plus

with

its

fun-filled complete

frontal Which Dowson; distribution

all

700 copies:

with

full

and

witty

cast

The

in

Just

be

the

Felix

ask for

work

do

justice

pages

ex-

Oily

brook

could

obtain

value

money

both

from

officer

I would

I believe

for

might

even

this

our humble IX. Could

work

editor

to

exewould

that

and, giving sit back

the benefits

of

less

active

the

union

which

of FEL-

one

hell

up

to

pictures that

enable

the

members to

of

identify

with a

union

despite

publicity, of

clubs

and

send

reports

and

executive

editor

sibility

and

deliberately

ment)

b r e a c h t h e U . G . C . (i.e.

Govern-

regulations then the Government w i l l

have

afford

the economic

price for a meal. Apparently

a lot

ing

such

news,

than

obtaining

obscure we have

considering some

j o i n t a c t i o n b u t w h e t h e r it

is t h e s o r t o f f i r m s t a n d t h a t w e h a v e a s k e d f o r is a n o t h e r m a t t e r . the brighter

side

the increases

would not

it w o u l d

be easier to mount some

resistance to

t h e m w h e r e a s at the b e g i n n i n g of A u g u s t t h i s w o u l d be w e l l - n i g h i m p o s s i b l e .

chasrather more

of

seen

articles

this

year.

* The Editor will be giving his how

own

the

views

FELIX

on

editor-

ship should be run in the next issue, which will be the last this year.

Sir,

In the name tianity,

of

Mr. the

has

Church

He

nothing

Chris-

Veall

is

has

shown

bent

about

Christianity. In the name ism,

it

is

Russia

et

actly

of

Marx-

obvious

that

al

is not

straight.

has

been

straight"

ex-

Nothing

shown

t h e last f e w m o n t h s t h e u n i o n h a s m a d e to t h e C o l l e g e

about the financial

hardship incurred by students having field courses during their vacations. A typical Geology

student

m i g h t l o s e £ 1 1 0 b e c a u s e h o t e l b i l l s a r e a r o u n d £3 a n i g h t w h i l e t h e s u b s i s t e n c e g r a n t is o n l y £1.20 (£200

in potential

earnings

in vacation

over

3

"not

about

Marx-

T h e R e c t o r ' s r e a c t i o n w a s to c i r c u l a r i s e H e a d s of D e p a r t m e n t s w i t h g u i d a n c e that w h e r e p o s s i b l e t h e y should take a l l financial arrangements for travel, b o a r d a n d l o d g i n g s o u t o f s t u d e n t s ' h a n d s s o that n o h a r d s h i p s h o u l d a r i s e . If t h i s w a s n o t p o s s i b l e t h e p r e v i o u s s i t u a t i o n w o u l d a p p l y . A t first s i g h t a substantial victory but w o u l d the finance be a v a i l able? The

money

available

would

increase

from

£24,000, the U . G . C s . a m o u n t to £30,000 but, w h a t if t h i s w a s n o t e n o u g h ? T h e d e p a r t m e n t s c o u l d c l a i m t h a t f o r f i n a n c i a l r e a s o n s it w a s n o t " p o s s i b l e " to m a k e a l l t h e a r r a n g e m e n t s t h e m s e l v e s , a n d the s t u d e n t s w o u l d be left e x a c t l y a s b e f o r e . A t Friday's F & E meeting the Rector d i d give some assurances. Departments c a n take m o n e y from o t h e r s o u r c e s to s u p p l e m e n t t h e m o n e y e a r m a r k e d for f i e l d c o u r s e s . A l s o t h e R e c t o r d i d b e l i e v e t h a t there w o u l d be n o h a r d s h i p t h i s s u m m e r a n d if there w a s g o i n g to be a n y he w a n t e d to k n o w . W e have p r o p o s e d that the s u m a l l o c a t e d s h o u l d be b a s e d o n a s u r v e y o f f i e l d c o u r s e n e e d s rather t h a n a n a r b r i t r a r y figure b u t i n t h e s h o r t t e r m if y o u a r e g o i n g to b e left o u t o f p o c k e t b e c a u s e o f a f i eld c o u r s e get o n t o y o u r D e p a r t m e n t a l R e p . o r myself, now.

ism. As

a follower

ther doctrines,

going

ing

little

faith

I wish

should

have

"Kindly

elimin-

Over

representations

Newman

P.S. — Congratulations Mr. (broadsheet) Appleadmitby on publically ting that res exec are ' exceedingly childish ' (Felix No. 336).

have

respon-

V A C A T I O N FIELD C O U R S E S

years).

showbiz

to

to

Malcolm

that

level

de-

the

type

specified

to try

are

to Felix,

should

of

nei-

and in

haveither,

upon

an adaptation

the

is of

to

time

its

on.

him

it

societies

vote more

may I have

like

is

I believe

does, of

his

w i t h s i m i l a r d e f i c i t s if t h e y r e f u s e t o p u t u p p r i c e s

On

issue.

the

what

carry

themselves

al-

infla-

happened

detail

Felix

would

lack

provide

with a sabbatical

a free hand,

this

thought

could

we not

the

enjoy

I

Organ,

what about

combin-

reports,

part

at

as

office

responsibility

shown

events.

filled

as

and

This

mote

lie

union

that

bent.

is registered

the

not

emphasise

then

person

re-

wretch-

would

pro-

a

as a n excuse for a l l o w i n g further

tion. S i n c e all colleges a n d universities are faced

ter s t i l l i n c r e a s e g r a n t s to s u c h a l e v e l t h a t w e c a n

I

help

and

being

by

arguing

take p l a c e until the b e g i n n i n g of next s e s s i o n w h e n

thus

a

for no increase

as

distribu-

does

to the last

col-

on

It

put the case

to g i v e w a y a n d e i t h e r s u b s i d i s e r e f e c t o r i e s o r bet-

for

days,

this

date

observers

t h a t t h e £ 2 0 a d d i t i o n a l i n c r e a s e in g r a n t c a n n o t b e

eliminate

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around

in

re-

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rag

happening

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ed

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represent

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activities

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newspaper

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incompeGuild-

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nature

D a v i e s f o r a 5 per c e n t i n c r e a s e i n R e f e c t o r y p r i c e s ,

the C o m m i t t e e of V i c e - C h a n c e l l o r s a n d P r i n c i p a l s

col-

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page". faithfully, Jowitt.

INSURANCE N e x t s e s s i o n if y o u h a v e a n a c c i d e n t in C o l l e g e you w i l l have automatic insurance cover. T h i s has a r i s e n f r o m r e p r e s e n t a t i o n s to t h e C o l l e g e f r o m t h e the P / G C o m m i t t e e a b o u t t h i s i s s u e . T h e f i n a l d e t a i l s h a v e n o t yet b e e n s e t t l e d b u t a t y p i c a l p o l i c y covering both post a n d under graduates might give £ 1 0 0 0 for d e a t h or l o s s o f l i m b or e y e s , o r £ 1 0 p e r w e e k f o r 2 y e a r s for a l e s s p e r m a n e n t i n j u r y .


3 0 t h M a y , 1973

FELIX

"FEELSICK"

Page 3

A Felix Supplement

SEX

DRUGS

EXAMS

HUGE I.G. VICE SCANDAL REVEALE THE FULL STORY - AS ONLY FEELSICK COULD TELL IT FEELSICK FACTS

OF

NATIONAL

REPORTERS AN

HAVE

UNBELIEVABLE

WORLD-WIDE

SEX,

UNCOVERED AND

DRUGS

m a n y y e a r s IC P r o f e s s o r s h a v e

BARE

INCREDIBLE AND

been

v i c e - l o v e r s c r o s s t h e r o a d at leas t O N C E A D A Y .

INTER-

EXAMS

S C A N D A L IN I M P R O B A B L E C O L L E G E , S O U T H For

THE

*

VICE

AND YET THERE IS WORSE

KENSWINDLE. known

to

have

r e v e a l e d e x a m i n a t i o n q u e s t i o n s to a m a s s i v e o m n i s c i e n t b o d y ,

TO COME ! * FEELSICK

Inspite T e a m r e p o r t e r s h a v e c a u g h t up with the

l e a d e r s of a call-gir l r a c k e t in I m p r o b a b l e C o l l e g e .

c o d e n a m e the U N I V E R S I T Y O F L O N D O N . T e l e p h o n e n u m b e r : They operate on S u n d a y afternoons

8000

636

in a c o l d , d a r k

office,

h i d d e n u n d e r a n a r c h w a y in P r i n c e C o n s t i p a t e d R o a d ,

South

Kenswindle. T h i s g r o u p , the G o d f a t h e r s of all t h e c o l l e g e s like IC, is h e a d e d YOU CAN C A L L THEM !

, by B i g V C — t h e VICE C H A N C E L L O R . FOR VICE IS T H E NUMBER O N E W O R D IN THIS UNLIKELY

Ring

ORGANISATION. •

589

VICE like Examinations. N e a r l y e v e r y m e m b e r of IC, in c o m m o n with t h e i r c o l l e a g u e s t h r o u g h o u t

the U n i v e r s i t y , f a l l s prey

ext 2154

to this D R E A D E D F A T E . VICE like

Drinking. D e s p i t e

authoritativ e

reports

that

that

5111

a n d b r e a t h e the c o d e w o r d — C E F E — d o w n the

mouthpiece.

o b n o x i o u s liquid — T E A — is a p o i s o n of t h e s o u l of t h e first Now

d e g r e e , few IC p e o p l e fail to get " h o o k e d " o n it.

beautiful, voluptuous SINIA H O C H A Y E I N T H E N O O ,

for-

mer agent of this sinister organisation, has come out into the VICE like Pedestrianism.

Shock outcome

of a

preliminary

report by F E E L S I C K r e s e a r c h e r s s h o w that 99.8 p e r c e n t of IC

eaned

SINIA

exam

open, to reveal her all to F E E L S I C K readers on page 94. Meanwhile, her reminiscences appear o v e r l e a f . . .

questions

YOU HOW

from

sexy

profs"

OVER THE PAGE


30th M a y , 1973

FELIX

Page 4

I.C. Profs leaked Two poems exam results in international South Ken callgirl scandal WATERGATE M U D

A r e t h e y p r o u d o f t h e i r flag A n d t h e w a y that it flies

W h e n t h e s t r i p e s o n it s a g A n d the stars emit lies?

T h e y a r e p r o u d o f t h e i r flag A n d t h e w a y that it flies If t h e P r e s s h a s n o g a g A n d D e m o c r a c y tries.

A S P E L L IN T H E C O U N T R Y

Leave London's stress and strain confined

FEELSICK reporters have uncovered a n u n ]euoijeuj9;ui eiqeAaijaq sex, drugs a n d exams vice s c a n d a l i n Improbable C o l l e g e , S o u t h K e n swindle. I.C.

professors

have

s u o r i s a n b Bui|e8A8j U33c in t h e f o r t h c o m i n g I . C . examinations to callgirls, writes Sinia H o c h ayelnthenoo. A sinister group of call-girls c a l l i n g themselves Crass Prostitutes of Brixton {Mostly Lesbians) — commonly shortened to C P B ( M L ) — have been offering t h e i r s e r v i c e s t o I.C. p r o f e s s o r s a n d s e n ior l e c t u r e r s . They have h a d especial success in enticing Emetical Engineering staff t o t h e i r " p e r s o n a l tutorials". The E.E. department is well-known for i t s s t r o n g b e l i e f i n Associated Studies, a n d the professors have been keenly s u b s c r i b i n g to the F r e n c h lessons that t h e CPB(ML) offers. T h e organisation cate r s f o r t h e staff o f e v e r y department of Improbable College. A new group w h o operate i n plastic imitation suede and leather garments i s having great success with C h i m p i s t r y profs. Once the C P B ( M L ) Call-Girls have seduced the p r o f s , t h e y u s e t e c h niques acquired of their special training s c h o o l in Albania to extract topsecret c l a s s i f i e d e x a m i n ation questions from t h e profs. I traced the heirarchy of t h e o r g a n i s a t i o n b a c k to " M a d a m e " , t h e r u t h less, fearless G o d m o t h e r of t h e C P B ( M L ) . Her name is M a d a m e Shillong. S h e operates from a stunning, a w e inspiring and quite frightfully ghastly neo-

Betjeman residence in King's Stile, W . S . 0 0 7 ^ . Her telephone number is 9 9 9 5 1 1 1 , a n d h e r codename is "Emerg e n c y " . Y o u ' l l f i n d it i n eve.y telephone directory — a n d , s h o u l d y o u f o r g e t i t , o n e v e r y telephone dial.

ing L i m i t e d " ( S L L ) . A n other i s the " I n c u m b e n t Maidens Group" (IMG).

There are, of course, more respectable organisations, a n d one o f the greatest is t h e C P G B — "Capable Partners for Girls a n d B o y s " . This latter o n e h a s b e e n e s pecially successful in There a r e five codeinfiltrating the N U S words. S a y four of them executive. Another of -—Police, Ambulance, the groups — t h e Y S S S Fire or C o a s t g u a r d — a n d — h a s been having s o m e you m a y e n d up in gaol. success with student Say ' M A D A M E ' a n d u n i o n officers. It h a s a you will e n d up in b e d strong stake in King's — c u r l e d up with a volCollege London, a n d a uptuous whore—revealprominent member of the ing a l l your secrets ( a n d , F E L I X staff i s a l s o a if y o u a r e a p r o f e s s o r , member. your examination questions.) I went through the rigorous framing necessary to b e c o m e o n e of M a d a m e Shillong's young a n d nubile maidens, s o I c o u l d reveal the true facts to F E E L SICK readers. My first a s s i g n m e n t was a Professor of Physical Science. He seemed more concerned with the ' p h y s i c a l ' than t h e 'science' — but, using M a d a m e ' s techniques, I succeeded in gleaning vital information about the P h y s i c a l S c i e n c e 1 s t year examination for F E E L S I C K readers. The professor — M r . ' X ' to h i s friends — rev e a l e d t h a t it w o u l d b e necessary to know the atomic weight of hydrogen, a n d also revealed his arms, chest, legs, feet a n d . . . ( c o n t . p. 9 4 ) But the C P B ( M L ) is not t h e o n l y o r g a n i s a t i o n of i t s k i n d , w r i t e s A . PIERS TCO-BELIES. O n e o f the m o s t s i n i s ter i s " Y o u n g , S a u c y a n d Sexy S y l p h s " ( Y S S S ) — a y o u t h g r o u p affiliated to a p a r e n t o r g a n i s a t i o n called " S e n i l e Love-mak-

• EMULSION PAINT the whitewash d o e s n ' t w a s h off. • HOT WATER — plunge ' e m i n it!

— that

T o t e n s i v e p r e s s u r e s left b e h i n d , Then let the country scenes r e m i n d The t o w n to trust in H u m a n k i n d

we

• T E A — no sugar in o u r sour story! • MILK — that's where w e get the c r e a m facts from! • BLACKMAIL — we won't keep shut up for any money! A L L IN N E X T I S S U E O F FEELSICK I

Let c i t i e s s e e k t h e r u r a l k i n d Of aura they can s e l d o m find. Where Faith and Purpose seem enshrined W i t h i n t h e W h i s p e r s of t h e m i n d .

both p o e m s © N . Racine-Jaques, 1 9 7 3 ( w r i t t e n ne a r

Black Ink Films, Ltd. presents &Jie Sedgwick-Wesiey Hayes-Isabel Jewell-Geoff Briggs FtjuI America-Vival-Pat HartieyRogerVadim inafilm by John Palmer&David Weisman

BUT FOR WHOSE BENEFIT DO THESE O R G A N I S A T I O N S WORK? F E E L S I C K has obtained their services to give you an exclusive preview of this m o n t h ' s e x a m i n ation questions.

THESE QUESTIONS IN THEIR E N T I R E T Y

— WILL A P P E A R IN OUR 2nd OCTOBER ISSUE. CAN Y O U WAIT? Further mouthwatering titbits of information will be s l i p p i n g your w a y in a fortnight's time, when F E E L S I C K tells y o u — in the H O L I D A Y F E L I X — how Improbable students really their h o l i d a y s . •SHOCK smelling

College spend

have

your

salts

handy!

• S E X — they o f t en enough!

g e t it

• VICE — grips y o u as it s c r e w s t i g h t e r a n d tighter! • DRUGS

paracetamol, what

aspirin, NaCi

From Thur5.mav 24. JHCEV Charing X Rd.

next?

• CALL-GIRLS call us . . .

don't

Haslemere)


FELIX

30th M a y , 1973

(9

Page

L ^ c x y MftN | x

R A L P H RICHARDSON • R A C H E L ROBERTS • A R T H U R L O W E H E L E N M I R R E N • D A N D Y NICHOLS • MONA W A S H B O U R N E Produced by M I C H A E L M E D W I N and L I N D S A Y A N D E R S O N A

M E M O R I A L / S A M

PRODUCTIONS F I L M

Screenplay by DAVID SHERWIN

O R I G I N A L S O U N D T R A C K O N W A R N E R BROS. R E C O R D S

Lyrics © K P M Music/Jarrow M u s i c Ltd.

Directed by LINDSAY ANDERSON Bros 5 0 l h Anniversary

A Warner Communications C o m p a n y

R e l e a s e d by C o l u m b i a - W a r n e r Distributors L t d ,

NOW

SHOWING

SEPARATE PERFORMANCES ALL SEATS BOOKABLE

| l / a * f c 6 V

rendezvous

LEICESTER SQUARE 439 0791

W e e k d a y s : 2.30p.m. 7.30p.m. S a t u r d a y s : 1 2 . 3 5 p . m . 4.10p.m. 7.50p.m. S u n d a y s : 3 . 3 0 p . m . 7.30p.m. L a t e S h o w F r i d a y s & S a t u r d a y s : 1 1 . 3 0 p . m ,


30th M a y , 1973

FELIX

Page 6

ROWING T h e 12th and 19th of M a y are t w o dates w h i c h w i l l l o n g be remembered b y nine members of I m p e r i a l C o l lege, for they bracket a week of success for I . C . B . C o n a scale w h i c h has not been enjoyed for m a n y years. S a t u r d a y 12th saw I.C.'s already reported victory i n the U.L. Allan Cup. O n T h u r s d a y , 17th the I . C . 1st a n d 2 n d V I I I ' s were o n show at the M e t r o p o l i t a n R e g a t t a at Putney. T h i s regatta, w h i c h is held over 3 days, is one of the oldest a n d most impressive i n the country. I n the semi-final of the S e n i o r A V I I I ' s , I.C.'s opponents were E m m a n u e l S c h o o l . A disastrous unpractised start f r o m the stake boats saw I.C. | L d o w n very q u i c k l y . H o w e v e r , the l o n g z o o m course gave I.C. plenty of t i m e t o gather themselves a n d r o w powerfully through the s c h o o l to w i n b y £L. M e a n w h i l e the 2nd V I I I went straight i n t o the final of the Senior C event against N a t . West B a n k a n d Twickenham. A f t e r t a k i n g a n early lead of J L I.C.

were disqualified for steering into one of the other crews. It was later f o u n d that I.C. h a d lost the fin off their boat. I n the final of the Senior A V I I I s , I.C. r o w e d against P u t n e y T o w n a n d their o l d adversaries L o n d o n R . C . I.C. went off the start at 40 a n d soon p u l l e d out f L lead over L o n d o n . T h i s lead was m a i n t a i n e d as they d r o p ped to 38 at the m i l e post a n d just touched 36 at B a r n E l m s . P u t n e y were w e l l out of it b y this time b u t L o n d o n attacked c o m i n g towards the B l a c k B u o y . I n the last m i n u t e the I.C. lead v a r i e d between ^ L . a n d a c a n vas. A s strokes eyes glazed over he m a d e one last desperate attempt h o l d off L o n d o n , a n d since for once a l l the rest of the crew were w i t h h i m he succeeded. W i t h the rate at 4 2 I . C . crossed the line ^ L i n front of L o n don. T h e celebrations were not as prolonged as usual, because two days later three I.C. V I I I travelled to T h a m e s

B

D i t t o n to take part i n the regatta there. The Novice V I I I h a d their first race o n the F r i d a y night a n d after l e a d i n g for most of the w a y , were u n l u c k y to lose b y 3 feet. T h e 2nd V I I I unfortunately h a d to scratch as they were a m a n short. T h e 1st V I I I were again r o w i n g Senior A a n d their A very first r o u n d opponents were B a r c l a y s B a n k . p o o r r o w over a very short course saw t h e m scramble t o a n u n c o n v i n c i n g ^ L w i n . I n the semi-final they met the p o w e r f u l K i n g s t o n R . C . T h e 1st V I I I , w h o are not slow off the start, were left standing by K i n g s t o n , w h o b y halfway, were just clear. W h a t happened next i s u n c e r t a i n as everybody at this stage thought that K i n g s t o n w o u l d w i n . I n the next m i n u t e the I.C. boat p r o b a b l y m o v e d faster t h a n it has done before and K i n g s t o n , w h o were nowhere near as fit as I.C., despite their length lead, never stood a chance. I.C. went right t h r o u g h t h e m to w i n b y ^ L . T h e time recorded i n this race was the fastest of the d a y b y some 8 seconds. T h e outcome of the final against V e s t a R . C . was never i n m u c h d o u b t as I.C. h a d dealt savagely w i t h t h e m i n training. R o w i n g w e l l w i t h i n themselves. I.C. won by 2 L . I n the next few weeks I.C. w i l l be appearing at the f o l l o w i n g Regattas. J u n e 2 n d — C h i s w i c k , J u n e 9th W a l t o n , J u n e 16th (Internal regatta) Putney, J u n e 24, M a r low a n d J u n e 26th to J u l y 7 ( R a c i n g 4th to 7th) at H e n ley. A n y support w o u l d be welcome.

GLIDER SMASH Ace IC glider pilot Mike A l e x a n d e r brought I C U Gliding Club's first accident to p a s s when he c r a s h - l a n d e d the other week. T h e g l i d e r is n o w to be r e b u i l t , s i n c e t h i s w i l l save a considerable sum over the purchase price of a replacement. C o u n c i l a g r e e d at its m e e t i n g on Monday to grant £ 2 0 0 to c o v e r the differe n c e b e t w e e n the i n s u r e d v a l u e a n d c o s t o f rebuilding. The insurance c o m p a n y h a v e a g r e e d to p a y the f u l l s u m i n s u r e d less £25 excess and

allow ICU G l i d i n g C l u b to s a l v a g e the wreckage. As Council pointed out, t h e g l i d e r s a r e o b viously under-insured, a n d s t e p s are n o w b e i n g t a k e n to c o r r e c t t h i s . MISFIRE The purchase of a . 2 2 automatic pistol was a g a i n d e f e r r e d by C o u n c i l , p e n d i n g further i n v e s t i g a t i o n s b y the A t h letics C l ubs Committee. M a n y uses were found by Council for this weapon, and Martin Black has volunteered for target p r a c t i c e .

Felix wishes everyone

FELIX No. 3 3 7 ; Wednesday, 30th May, 1973. Editor: Oliver Dowson. Editor-elect: Alasdhair C a m p b e l l . F E L I X is p u b l i s h e d by t h e E d i t o r for a n d on b e h a l f of the I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n P u b l i c a tions B o a r d , Imperial C o l l e g e U n i o n , P r i n c e Consort Road, London S W 7 2 B B . Tel. 01-589 5 1 1 1 ext. 2 2 2 9 ( P O ) 2 8 8 1 ( I n t . ) . Advertising contracted by University Press Representation, Grand B u i l d i n g s , Trafalgar S q u a r e , London W C 2 . T e l . 0 1 - 9 3 0 1322.

with

their

ea^anis

Felix is back again with Summer Fun on June

12th

P r i n t e d by F. B a i l e y & S o n L t d . , D u r s l e y , Glos. GL11 4BL. © 1 9 7 3 . A l l rights r e s e r v e d . is joint copyright artist, N. Racine-

The shared

FELIX cat device by F e l i x a n d t h e

Jaques.

No unauthorised r e p r o d u c t i o n .


30th May,

1973

FELIX

Page 7

CHICKEN FEED —and what the N U S (and I C U ) proposes to do about it On Saturday representatives of 600,000 students, members of 600 student unions, will descend on Imperial College for the N U S Extraordinary Conference on Grants. The Conference, called by the Easter National Conference at Exeter, has to decide what action the N U S should now take in view of the recent government award of a flat £20 increase in the mandatory grant level, and reductions in parental contributions for parents with "residual income" of less than £1,900. T h e G o v e r n m e n t offer represents only 20 per cent o f the increase dem a n d e d by the N a t i o n a l U n i o n of Students, a n d other demands have been c o m p l e t e l y ignored. 1. N o ac t i on has been taken o n discretionary awards. These are the grants p a i d to students at, f o r example, technical c o l leges a n d colleges of further e d u c a t i o n a n d , unlike those p a i d to university a n d p o l y t e c h n i c students, have no f i x e d level. T h e a m o u n t of grant paid is left to the " d i s r e t i o n " of the local education authority, and is thus almost always very m u c h less than the m a n d a tory level. The usual parental c o n t r i b u t i o n sale applies. Since students o n discretionary awards have been a m o n g the most active i n the grants c a m p a i g n that has been r u n n i n g since D e cember, the lack of government reaction to this dem a n d has come as a severe b l o w to N U S hopes. T h e conference w i l l cert a i n l y be as angry as students on discretionary awards, a n d this c l a i m w i l l almost certainly n o w come t o p of the list of next year's demands. Easter conference d i d mandate the N U S E x e c u tive not to accept any i n crease i n the m a n d a t o r y level of grants until discretionary awards are aboished. H o w e v e r , the N U S w i l l have its w o r k cut out if it is to try a n d persuade .students to send back their £20 increase. 2. Abolition of the means test. A l l the G o v e r n ment has actually done is a b o l i s h contributions for parents w i t h residual i n comes less than £1,500, a n d reduce them for i n comes less than £1,900. N o signs at a l l have been f o r t h c o m i n g of the a b o l i tion of parental c o n t r i b u tions a n d with it the means test. 3. Married women's grants. A l t h o u g h N o r m a n St. J o h n Stevas said earlier this year that he was " s y m p a t h e t i c " to the case of m a r r i e d w o m e n students— they get o n l y £275 — a l l •he has done f o r them is a w a r d t h e m the flat £20 increase that other, single, students are getting. T h e m o o d of the conference is b o u n d to be angry. It opens o n the m o r n i n g of Saturday, 9th June, i n o u r very o w n Great H a l l , which Counc i l agreed to pay for as ICU's contribution tow a r d s the cost of the conference. It, w i l l be f u l l y covered in F E L I X on Tuesday, J u n e 12th, w i t h informed c o m m e n t f r o m

leading N U S p o l i c y analysts. I C U n i o n has submitted its o w n m o t i o n for the conference. T h i s — it is reproduced b e l o w — w i l l be " c o m p o s i t e d " w i t h m o tions f r o m other colleges a l l over B r i t a i n , at a meeting i n L o n d o n o n J u n e 7th, a n d a giant catholic m o t i o n presented to conference o n the 9th. So, herewith, the text of ICU's motion: — Motion on Grants of Imperial College Union for the NUS Emergency Conference of June 1973 A.

CONFERENCE NOTES

1. The Government's decision of 15th May to increase grants by £20 next year in addition to the £20 decided in 1971, and the raising of the of the floor means test to £1500 a year parental income. 2. The lack of any attempt to remove the basic injustices of the grants system, i.e., discretionary awards, discrimination against married women, no London allowance for post-graduates, and the means test. 3. The complete lack of any move to introduce full cash grants in colleges of education. 4. The continuation of the full mandatory rate at an amount far below that adequate for a decent standard of living. 5. That the Government announcement in no way meets our demands from the Exeter Conference. 6. That given the rate of inflation since the last triennial review, the "new" rates, far from representing a step towards our claim, reinforces the present situation and perpetuates it. 7. The recent victimisation and threatened court action against rent strikers, e.g., jr« Reading University, j 8. That post-graduates are the only section of students and University staff not to receive a London Weighting to cover the undisputed higher cost of living in London. Also for post-graduates in general, the increase of £20, amounting to only 38p a week, postgraduates having to live for 52 on their grants.

B. P O L I C Y A N D CAMPAIGN 1. Conference therefore entirely rejects the Government " offer" % It sees no basis whatsoever to discontinue or dilute our campaign for £105 increase and full grants for all in full time higher education. 2. Conference, however, sees no point in instructing members not to take any extra money due to them. This is impractical. 3. Conference, however, believes that whereas well argued memos from NUS were ignored, militant action by the mass of stuan dents has forced interim review and won some concessions. 4. May 21st should not be regarded as the last possible day by which the Government can the decide to meet NUS claim since money can always come from the central government funds instead of LEA's. In particular, since PG come direct grants from central government funds the excuse of LEA and parliamentary bureaucracy is even less valid. 5. NUS should maintain and defend the campaign, e.g., rent strikes this term and rapidly from extend it, right the start of Autumn term. 6. NUS and CO's should use the summer vacation for organisation and preparation of explanatory campaign material aimed at first year students utilising freshers fairs, new students mailings, NUS introductory material. 7. In particular, much more emphasis should be put on explaining the evils of discretionary awards to all students. 8. National Demonstrations and a Day of Action should be organised in England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales on the same Thursday in October. These should aim to unite the different sees tions of the campaign in a massive lift-off at the beginning of term. 9. The campaign should employ all the tactics successfully employed to date — namely, catering boycotts, pickets, lobbies, publicity campaigns, occupations, strikes; to be backed up by and extended from the national demonstration in a co-ordinated way. 10. NUS Executive should not participate in the T r i e n n i a l R e v i e w next year unless the Government indicates that all the Campaign's demands will be considered.

11. The particularly acute problems faced by post grads should be given more emphasis, but this requires organisation of PG's at both college and nalevel. NUS tional Exec, should convene a conference of PG affairs officers and activists to elect a National PG Committee, initiate action on grants including demonstrating boycotts, lobbies other activities. and Although PG's should be organised by student unions we should work for good relation with AST MS groups where these exist. 12. Students must give greater priority to seeking support from the labour movement; who face the same fight enemy in their against wage freeze and anti-union legislation. We must seek more than verbal support but joint actions, leafleting, pickets, demonstrations in sup• port of higher grants, to this end NUS Executive should prepare "An Appeal to the Labour Mo vement which would present the students' case, highlight discrimination against the working class and further education and ask for support for some concrete campaigning activity with local student union. Unions could then approach in a co-ordinated way, Trade Councils, Trade Union .branches, shop stewards, committees to organise joint actions. To launch^ this aspect of the compaign there should be a "National Week of Explanation" of the issue of grants to the working class. Also NUS should organise, on a national scale a conference to organise students' support in the event of a large workers' s t r u ggle against the Pay Laws and the government (e.g. over the engineers' claim). 13. Conference believes that more emphasis should be put on explaining that the problems of inflation faced by students are shared by workers, Old Age Pensioners, etc.A and that the Government must bear responsibility for this inflation, e.g. land speculation, cut-backs in social services, VAT, agricultural policy, floating the pound. The effects of low grants, the means test, and the discretionary awards system in exluding working class children from sigher education should be stressed more with a view to winning work-

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

ing class support. Workers are finding that due to inflation their nominal increase in income has led to an increase in parental contribution despite apparent changes in rate. Conference recognises that we are very limited in our influence on the Press and that a campaign geared to winning over the mass media has serious inadequacies. Conference believes that active antf automatic support by the NUS Exec, to all rent strikes, teaching or catering boycotts, occupations, democratically decided on by CO's in the context of this campaign, is essential for this campaign. Conference calls on all CO's to immediately report to Exec, any such actions and calls for a weekly list of all such activities to be distributed to all CO's. Since this Conference has been called in accordance with Exeter Conference policy, which called for decisions on the basis of Union mandates, this conference must not retreat from any previous policies unless such mandates have been given. Conference affirms the that Exeter decision the Grants campaign would be maintained until discretionary awards had been abolished.

C. R E N T S T R I K E S 1. Conference recognises the key role being played in the Campaign by those colleges on rent strikes. Conference calls for the rent continuation of strike activity until our claim is met. 2. Conference deplores the threats of victimisation (legal and academic) used by VC's and Principals in their attacks on rent strikes. 3. Conference believes that the best way to counter such threats of is to fight them on our own ground, in the colleges, Conference un• equivocally supports all actions such as partial or total, short or medium-term occupations, as a means to counter such threats. In this respect Conference wholeheartedly congratulates those colleges which have already embarked on such action; the successful defence of rent strikes is a tremendous achievement for the whole campaign. Any successful action, such as that at Bristol University, gives incalculable encouragement to others and must be publicised as widely as possible.

4. Conference recognises that the law does not automatically attack students active in the campaign but has to be used by College authorities, etc. Further Conference believes that the decisions of the courts will be influenced primarily outside the courts rather than by legal arguments; therefore i. In the face of legal threats NUS and CO's should firstly take widespread action aimed at discouraging the College Authorities from using the law. ii. If cases do get to the court then hearings should be accompanied by massive nationally organised action. D. I N S T R U C T I O N S 1. To Exec, GCCC, CO's, AreasH To continue the campaign for our demands as expressed at Exeter. 2. To Exec.: To organise national demonstrations and a Day of Action as outlined in Policy 8. 3. To CO's: To continue all the local action taken to date such as canteen boycotts, occupations, etc. 4. To Exec.: Not to participate in the Triennial review next year unless the government indicates that all the campaign's demands will be considered. CO's: 5. To Exec, and To take action on the problems faced by Post-Grads as outlined in Policy II. Exec.: 6. To CO's and To organise joint action with the Labour movement. 7. To Exec.: To automatically support all action undertaken by CO's as outlined in Policy 15. 8. To CO's: To report all activities immediExec, and ately to GCCC 9. To Exec.: To send out a weekly list of all activities to CO's. 10. T o Exec, GCCC, CO's:. To continue rent strikes for the rest of this term and to organise solidarity support, mass pickets, etc., in defence of every rent strike or other actions under attack. 11. To Exec, GCCC. CO's: To organise a comnational strike mencing next term. 12. To CO's: To organise activities to involve minorities and highlight their problems, e.g., for overseas students, married women, PG's, discretionary award students. Motion approved by IC External Affairs Committee 22nd May, 1973.


30th M a y , 1573

FELIX

WHY

FELIX

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by P A U L JOWITT

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it w o u l d be e a s y to t a k e u p a M a r y W h i t e h o u s e stand a n d say that the p e r m i s s i v e n e s s of m o d e r n society is l e a d i n g to d e c a y of s o c i e t y , m o r a l s , s c r u p l e s a n d a m u l t i t u d e of o t h e r non-sins. H a v i n g s a i d that, where are the a r g u m e n t s to refute i t ? It's n o use trying to argue on the b a s i s of the m a s s - m e d i a , etc. A l l change in s o c i e t y r e s u l t s f r o m g r a s s root l e v e l , s o a s a n IC c o m m u n i t y m e m b e r , I w o u l d l i k e to e x a m i n e s o m e a s p e c t s of o u r c o m m u n i t y , that of I m p e r i a l College. I r e m e m b e r o n e of t h e s a b b a t i c a l p o s t c a n d i d a t e s at t h e H u s t i n g s (the last o n e s ! ) s a y i n g that t h e r e w e r e n o t o w e l s o r s o a p d i s p e n s e r s in t h e U n i o n B u i l d i n g a n d trying to make slight political (small 'p') meat out of it. I'll a d d fuel to h i s fire; at t h e moment there are no society nameb l o c k s f o r the U n o n n o t i c e b o a r d s , one b r o k e n w i n d o w in t h e B o t . Z o o . c o m m o n rom, one broken w i n d o w in the U n i o n A r c h M e s s e n g e r s office, 2 broken glasses on the pinball m a c h ines in a week, about a 1 0 per cent l o s s of t h e p e w t e r t a n k a r d s i n t h e Union Bar, a n d someone has stolen the T . V . a e r i a l in t h e U n i o n B u i l d i n g . Great. Hilarious. Of course Southside i s n ' t e x a c t l y m u c h better, r e s e m b l i n g a g l o r i f i e d d o s s - h o u s e . N o l o n g e r is it t h e " n i c e " b a r i n c o l l e g e , b u t a p l a c e of d i m i n i s h i n g c h a r a c t e r , s t y l e and whatever. I can see someone saying soon that it's because the facilities aren't maintained. A l l that m e a n s , i s s o m e s i l l y a s s ( s u p posedly the Deputy President) runn i n g r o u n d after e v e r y o n e e l s e c l e a n ing up the shit they m a k e . Sorry brothers, but that's not o n . Apart from anything else, it's getting slightly e x p e n s i v e .

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•on

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H 3 N A T

•z.

Here's our new Felix cat motif. For five years now the "crusading cat" has been our logo. He was a strange character, tacking both a tail and whiskers — s o , knowing feline anatomy, you'll appreciate he never stood much chance of finding any direction. The new device, drawn especially for FELIX by Nigel Racine-Jaques, depicts a fully-bewhiskered and tailed cat, displaying the mascots of IC's 3 constituent colleges: a C e l s i u s / K e l v i n thermometer for R C S , a singularly useless equal-ended spanner for Guilds', and an equally useless (since it has no screw or lighting device) Davy Lamp for Mines. With the new device comes the promised new page one banner. The one introduced in October last year met with a mixed reception, and the contents of the " b o x " , originally intended for an advertisement has been used for various debatable messages. This box has now gone. W e hope you approve of the changes. Write and tell us what you think.

T h e " o p e n i n g " of t h e bar to w o m e n is n o t i n i t s e l f a b a d t h i n g . It's j u s t the m e n they bring a l o n g ! Y o u see, there's a difference bet w e e n I.C. w o m e n a n d t h e i r b o y friends a n d a n y o l d w o m e n a n d the boys they bring along. T h e former c o m e , the latter d o n ' t . ( T e l l m e , t e l l me. P . W . J . , h o w many hoppers d i d y o u s e e t o d a y ? ) . B u t , i t ' s n o t just outsiders, w e b a s i c a l l y don't care, bec a u s e w e k n o w (I h o p e ) s o m e b o d y e l s e w i l l p a y . R a r e l y d o t h e m a s s of students get together a n d s l i n g out,

T o be f a i r , I h a v e b e e n o n e of t h e m a i n protagonists of the theory that t h e n u m b e r of " o u t s i d e r s " a t t r a c t e d by Ents events doesn't help. I still h o l d to that. H o w e v e r , I d o n o t feel the student body as a w h o l e isn't i n n o c e n t of t h e w h o l e affair. O f c o u r s e the s t u d e n t b o d y in g e n e r a l or k e e p o u t t r o u b l e m a k e r s . It's a l a n d N . U . S . in p a r t i c u l a r h a s b e e n m o s t a s if w e c o n d o n e t h e d a m a g e c h a m p i o n i n g the r i g h t of t h e i n d i v i d u a n d v a n d a l i s m , o r e v e n p a r t i c i p a t e in a l . It's a pity that w e a s a b o d y d i d n ' t . it. W e l l if t h a t ' s t h e " m a n d a t e " t h e t h i n k of the r i g h t s o f t h e b o d y D e p u t y P r e s i d e n t h a s , he c a n h a r d l y itself. W e o p e n o u r d o o r s t o m o r e b e a c c u s e d of a l l o w i n g t h e U n i o n or less anyone a n d w o n d e r w h y the a n d S o u t h s i d e to a t t a i n " e q u i l i b p l a c e is g e t t i n g f o u l e d u p . It's a l l in r i u m " . B y the w a y , the society namet h e c a u s e of f r e e d o m of the i n d i v i d blocks, T . V . aerial, towels, soap, etc. ual o r s o c i a l i s m o r s o m e t h i n g . W h a t w i l l a l l b e r e p l a c e d after t e r m h a s price n o w the idea that the U n i o n finished, ready for next year's freshs h o u l d be o u t w a r d - l o o k i n g ? Defeate r s . I j u s t h o p e t h e y a p p r e c i a t e it, b e i s m fn t h e f a c e of i n t e r n a l p r o b l e m s ? cause looking back o n this year, quite

honestly, w e didn't. For G o d ' s sake, I.C., r e s p e c t a n d t a k e c a r e of w h a t w e ' v e g o t , i t ' s n o u s e s a y i n g if w e h a d better f a c i l i t i e s , w e w o u l d l o o k after i t , b e c a u s e t h a t i s p a t e n t l y n o t t h e c a s e . G o n e a r e t h e d a y s of a g o o d piss-up, g o o d sing song, in the Union Bar a n d no damage, with Southside a place for people wanting a g o o d , not rowdy bar. Here are the d a y s of a l o u s y p i s s - u p , l o u s y s i n g - s o n g , l e a v i n g t h e U n i o n in a mess, w i t h Southside a human jungle, occasional lousy sing-song a n d dosshouse. Cheers, but w h e r e ?

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ulcer (Extremely justified pessim i s m ) . W i t h a l l this talk of the e n v i r o n m e n t I'm j u s t w a i t i n g f o r s o m e o n e to c o t t o n o n . T h i is y o u r e n v i r o n m e n t , O U R S ; w e w a n t c o n t r o l o f it, a n d that m e a n s c o n t r o l it o u r s e l v e s , and that m e a n s ( D o I have to s p e l l it o u t ? ) S . E . L . F . C . O . N . T . R . O . L .

C O L O U R

BLIND

but not General D o g s b o d y or C h i e f Cook and Bottlewasher.

Nominations for social colours have to be in by tomorrow. Social colours are awarded to union members who have been notably active in the union during the year, and include the right to wear the social colours tie.

P . S . I've h e a r d t a l k o f t u r n i n g t h e D . P . r o l e into a m o r e p o l i t i c a l o n e . I'm i n t w o m i n d s w h e t h e r t o b e i n favour (Defeatism) or to contract an

T h e awards will be made at the Union Annual General Meeting on Thursday, June 7th. Nominations should be given to Union Secretary Martin C . Black in the Union Office.

Paul Jowitt. Dep. Pres. M a i n t e n a n c e - m a n in c h i e f .


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