http://felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1979/1979_0521_A by Ravi Pall

F r i d a y , 8th J u n e , 1 9 7 9

I s s u e N o . 521

THE NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL C O L L E G E

Lars Hermansen, the Chairman of Chalmers University Students' Union in Gothenburg, Sweden, is spending a week in London as a guest of IC Union. The visit, which is mostly being paid for by Imperial College, is in return for the visit made by Union President Mary Attenborough to Chalmers University at the beginning of this term.

UNION

Swedish Sabbaticals Visit Imperial

Also in England is Mian who is the Administration Officer of Chalmers Union. She is on holiday but is taking time off to visit IC Union A b o u t twenty students from C h a l m e r s University st udy at IC each year and Lars' visit is a i m e d at fostering a g o o d relationship between the two universities. Lars and M i a n are two of C h a l m e r s ' six s a b b a t i c a l U n i o n officers. T h e University has a similar number of students as IC a n d is a centre for Science and Technology. Lars arrived o n W e d n e s d a y a n d is to stay a week. While over here he hopes to see Imperial C o l l e g e , meet students i n c l u d i n g the S w e d i s h students here this year, a n d s e e L o n d o n , t h o u g h he is not interested in the usual tourist attractions but wants to see L o n d o n life. S w e d e s have the reputation of making the most of t h e opportunity to c o n s u m e as m u c h a l c o h o l as p o s s i b l e w h e n a b r o a d as it is very expensive in S w e d e n . Mary A t t e n b o r o u g h a n d F E L I X Editor J o h n Harris gave them an early o p p o r t u n i t y to q u e n c h their thirst - o n the tube journey to South Kensington from the airport. There then followed a sherry s e s s i o n in the U n i o n Office and a hurried visit to the Q u e e n s before l u n c h t i m e c l o s i n g for a pint of Lars' favourite, G u i n n e s s . In an attempt to give them e x p e r i e n c e of E n g l i s h c o o k i n g , Mary invited them to a dinner party at her new flat where s h e served roast beef a n d Y o r k s h i r e pudding cooked by herself. However, Mary admitted that s h e had never cooked Yorkshire p u d d i n g before a n d at the time of writing it is not k n o w n w h e t h e r t h e S w e d i s h guests survived her attempt. Lars is e x p e c t e d to have an opportunity to meet the R e c t o r a n d the U n i o n is h o p i n g to arrange a trip to S i l w o o d . O n M o n d a y the visitors will meet U n i o n Officers over a wine a n d c h e e s e party in the U n i o n office. Lars will also be able to get a true picture of life as an IC student as he will be staying in a hall of r e s i d e n c e a n d will doubtless e x p e r i e n c e several m o o n i e s .

M i a n will be staying on another week in the British Isles and hopes to visit Ireland. External Affairs Officer J o h n Passmore, who c o m e s from N o r t h e r n Ireland, has been e x p l a i n i n g to her how to avoid the bombs. F E L I X hopes they will enjoy their visit a n d hopes that relations between these two Universities will c o n t i n u e to prosper.

Mian and Lars outside

the FELIX

NEWS IN BRIEF HEAD TENANCY OPENS? College is a s k i n g students w h a t of the n e w they thought accommodation in L e x h a m G a r d e n s w i t h a view to t a k i n g on flats for u p to 60 students from next year. N i n e t e e n students have been housed i n the new L e x h a m G a r d e n s head tenancy scheme this term. If they arc satisfied C o l l e g e w i l l extend the scheme. BIG C A T S E X P E N S E College has estimated that it w i l l cost £750 to clean the two stone lions at the foot of the Q u e e n s T o w e r p a i n t e d blue by students of Q u e e n M a r y College earlier this term. T h e V i c e President of Q M C U n i o n has p r o m i s e d to m a k e a c o n t r i b u t i o n to the c l e a n i n g a n d

I C U n i o n are to ask College to deal d i r e c t l y w i t h Q M C U as I C U n i o n consider that the p r o b l e m is n o t h i n g to do w i t h t h e m . PUBLICATIONS CHAIRMAN ELECTED The new Publications Board C h a i r m a n is to be Jon F i r t h o f I C R a d i o . H e was elected at thejoint P u b l i c a t i o n s B o a r d meeting last M o n d a y , defeating C o l i n P a l m e r by seven votes to six. J o n F i r t h w i l l sit o n I C U n i o n C o u n c i l a n d replaces J o h n A l l e n , also of I C R a d i o , w h o held the post this year. E a r l i e r the meeting elected D a v e F u l l e r a n d C o l i n P a l m e r as ordinary members of the Publications Board following R o g e r Stotesbury's insistence that the election should be by paper

Office

yesterday

ballot o n the single transferable vote system 'lo give me practice for next year'. A s I C L ' n i o n H o n o r a r y Secretary R o g e r w i l l have to r u n a l l U n i o n elections. T h e m e e t i n g went o n to discuss the p r i n t i n g of the I C 1 nion H a n d b o o k a n d P h o e n i x , w h i c h is several weeks b e h i n d schedule.

Because

FELIX's

finances

turned out to be sound £400. originally allocated to t h e H a n d b o o k to pay F E L I X for printing before F E L I X was forced to drastically reduce charges, was transferred to the B o a r d ' s account a l o n g w i t h £60 from P h o e n i x . P u b l i c a t i o n s Hoard was therefore able to meet c l a i m s by the student television service S T O I C a n d I C R a d i o for n e w equipment. D u r i n g the m e e t i n g President Malcolm surprised everyone by earlv to do some work.

Deputy Brain leaving

Page 2

D e a r S i r . I hope that it is possible to p r i n t this letter even t h o u g h it doesn't argue the merits o f a b o r t i o n , ho m o s e x ual i t y, sexual d i s c r i m i n a t i o n or the bible.

it? D i d the U n i o n i n f o r m Office? - I t h i n k not.

S u r e l y m e m be r s of the U n i o n Office have the ability to c o m m u n i c a t e d i r e c t l y w i t h the W a d e n s a n d M r E l k i n s h o u l d not 'pass the b u c k ' o f his o w n negligence onto persons not c o n c e r n e d i n the matter.

I would like to reassure m e m b e r s of the R S M HockeyT e a m , especially Steve G a t l e y (who is next year's c a p t a i n ) , that m y s y l p h - l i k e frame w i l l not be l e a d i n g t h e m into battle o n the green a n d pleasant land of H a r l i n g t o n . I w i l l , h o w e v e r , try to m a i n t a i n the s u p e r i o r i t y o f M i n e s Newsletter o v e r G l u i d s h e e t a n d Bedsheet i n m y c a p a c i t y as Editor.

H e also points out that the new policy would not cover replacement value. However, u n d e r that scheme M r B a m b r i d g e w o u l d c e r t a i n l y have recovered m o r e t h a n the 30% of his loss that he has n o w received. Y o u r s sincerely,

I a d m i t I w r o t e the R S M aticle i n the 1st J u n e issue b u t . u n l i k e someone o n the staff o f F E L I X , I got it right.

Sue K a l i c i n s k i , Warden, Southwell House. D e a r S i r , - O n the 17th of M a y , the I C I n d i a Soc held its A G M to elect a new president for the c o m i n g year. T h e r e were two c a n d i d a t e s for the post, Mr C h a k r a v a r t y ( M e c h Eng) a n d M r Satinder Purewal (Chem Eng). T h e election was preceded by the candidates m a k i n g the usual sincere b l a h - b l a h . M r C h a k r a varty pointed to his wide experience i n this sort of t h i n g while M r Satinder Purewal did a lot of h a n d w a v i n g a n d said nothing in particular. Election was by a show of hands a n d M r G u j r a l ( C h e m ) , the outgoing secretary, d i d the c o u n t i n g . T h e result was a win for Mr C h a k r a v a r t y by three votes.

Cheers, Bob Holding Metallurgy D e a r S i r , - I w o u l d l i k e to c o m m e n t o n a c o u p l e of points i n M i k e E l k i n ' s letter o f last week c o n c e r n i n g i n s u r a n c e i n student residences. I d o not feel that p u b l i c i s i n g changes o f p o l i c y i n F E L I X is sufficient as one c a n n o t guarantee that everyone gets a copy. H a l l a n d H o u s e W a r d e n s s h o u l d have been i n f o r m e d d i r e c t l y , by the U n i o n , as it is the U n i o n w h o holds the p o l i c y . M r E l k i n states 7 would have informed the Wardens ... except that I thought Residence Office would do that.' H o w was the R e s i d e n c e Office supposed to find out about

WHAT'S

that

It n o w seems that M r S a t i n d e r P u r e w a l is suffering f r o m lack of sleep over the result; he is r e l i a b l y

ONI

reported to be c l a i m i n g that M r G u j r a l ' s a b i l i t y to count suffered a temporary lapse when his supporters showed their hands. T h e latest is that M r S a t i n d e r P u r e w a l lias been fervently t r y i n g to collect signatures of friends a n d supporters lor some u n k n o w n reason. C o u l d it be that he is setting u p a clandestine g r o u p w h i c h w o u l d m a k e h i m president hands d o w n ? Conclusion, a bad

loser.

Independent O b s e r v e r . Eds note: name and dept supplied. D e a r J o h n , - I feel I must correct the errors i n the letter from R i c h a r d A r c h e r i n last week's F E L I X r e g a r d i n g a news item the previous week a b o u t RCS Smoking Concert. F i r s t l y , the report d i d not say that the m o t i o n h a d m e n t i o n e d the stripper. H o w e v e r C h r i s F o x said that the m o t i o n passed w o u l d almost c e r t a i n l y result in the d r o p p i n g of the s t r i p p e r a n d the report h i g h l i g h t e d this.

C L U B ACTIVITY I M P E R I A L C o l l e g e C h r i s t i a n U n i o n ' L o v e sex a n d all that!' - M r a n d M r s J o h n B a l c h i n . 6.30pm. M u s i c R o o m , 53 P r i n c e s G a t e . O R I E N T E E R I N G C l u b M e e t i n g . 12.30pm, U n i o n S C R .

MISCELLANEOUS P H O T O S O C S h o p - 12.45 - 1.15pm, L i n s t e a d 2 1 1 . l l f o s p e e d paper at ridiculous prices!

T U E S D A Y 12th J U N E C L U B ACTIVITY G O C L U B weekly m e e t i ng. 7 p m , S o u t h s i d e U p p e r L o u n g e . ' A w a k e ! Fo r m o r n i n g in the b o w l of night, H a s cast the stone that puts the stars to flight' MISCELLANEOUS S T O I C T r a n s m i s s i o n - Interview with B a r r y N o r m a n . 13.00. U n i o n , J C R , S o u t h s i d e Halls, S o u t h s i d e L o w e r T V L o u n g e .

Y o u r s sincerely, Sonia H o c h f e l d e r

FOR S A L E

S R e g F o r d G r a n a d a 2.0L R o y a l Blue coachwork, Blue cloth upholstery, p u s h button radio, head rests, fog lamps, and sports wheels.

M u s t be s o l d - mint c o n d i t i o n 135mm f2.8 telephoto lens a n d 35mm f2.8wideanglelens ( screw mounts). £70 o n o for both - will split. C o n t a c t N Tooby via physics letter racks.

£2695

JUNE

U n c o n n e c t e d 'Armitage' U r i n a l , in e x c h a n g e for 10 pints draught bass o.n.o. A p p l y Room 441, Tizard Hall. FOR S A L E Folk G u i t a r . E K O R a n g e r 6 Italian made. Very g o o d c o n d i t i o n . £35. F e n d e r electric guitar strings. Pure n i c k e l wrap, two sets of F180 S L s u p e r light g aug e . O n e set of F-180 X L extra light g a u g e . £2.50 per set. C o n t a c t HO Mat Sci 3 or ring 794 6733 flat 1.

C L U B ACTIVITY L a w n (under the Q u e e n ' s

Tower)

Introduction to the g a m e for beginners, all w e l c o m e . S N O O K E R C l u b bar-night. 7 p m , U n i o n B a r .

T H U R S D A Y 14th

I personally was not a w a r e of any disruptive action by protesters either inside or outside the Concert. They only disruption which occurred came from some m e m be r s of the audience w h o were not p r e p a r e d even to start l i s t e n i n g l o the E x e c u t i v e sketch.

T h i r d l y , it was C h r i s F o x w h o referred to undemocratic m i n o r i t i e s i n answer to a question as to whether the change h a d

FOR S A L E

C l u b : 1pm, Q u e e n s

Those w h o got free beer h a d to have been legitimately inside the C o n c e r t , i n other words they h a d bought a ticket or were performers. T h e y were therefore as entitled to the free beer as a n y o n e else.

S e c o n d l y , M r A r c h e r said he w o u l d like the chance to e x p l a i n why the name of Smoking C o n c e r t w i l l be c h a n g e d to the ' H e a d lights R e v u e ' . U n f o r t u n ately readers must remain unenlightened as h e only proceeds to e x p l a i n w h y it w i l l no longer be c a l l e d Smoking Concert.

E x c e l l e n t v a l u e at Telephone 01-272 2880.

MONDAY 11th J U N E

CROQUET

A s for his statement about 'those people who go to Smoking Concert to disrupt and drink the free beer' it w o u l d be interesting to k n o w to w h o m he is referring. Those w h o protested outside the C o n c e r t firstly d i d not get a n y free beer, a n d secondly were not d i s r u p t i v e , their protest consisting of h o l d i n g placards, h a n d i n g out leaflets a n d peacefully t r y i n g to persuade people not to go i n .

SMALL ADS I

FRIDAY 8th J U N E

WEDNESDAY 13th

come about because of protests by w o m e n . I do not see h o w M r A r c h e r c a n say that M r F o x meant s o m e t h i n g different to what he said, a n d it is surely clear from M r Fox's answer as reported that he was referring to the w o m e n m a k i n g the protests a n d not to a n y others. T o my knowledge n o b o d y other t h a n R i c h A r c h e r has considered that M r F o x might have meant a l l women.

JUNE

MISCELLANEOUS P H O T O S O C S h o p - 12.45 - 1.15pm, L i n s t e a d 532. T h i s is the last time the s h o p will o p e n this year. ( Y o u r last c h a n c e for c h e a p holiday film).

FOR S A L E 1971 T r i u m p h Vitesse M k 2 2 litre, Stereo C a s s e t t e R a d i o , white, £495 o.n.o. - P h o n e 01-346 9007 evenings. N R e g H o n d a C B 2 0 0 , top box etc. J u s t right for the s u m m e r ! £230 o n o O Stutchfield Mech Eng P/H or Linstead.

FOR S A L E D o c t o r a l H o o l d , Imperial C o l l e g e (Chemistry), 1954 style, d e e p red/yellow trim. Excellent c o n d i t i o n . M a k e offer. C o n t a c t F E L I X Office or M r s E d w a r d R W i l l i a m s from J u n e 18th u p t o a n d i n c l u d i n g J u n e 3 0 t h at S t Margaret's Hotel, 26 Bedford Place, R u s s e l l S q u a r e . T e l e p h o n e 636-4277. FOR S A L E EMI 1515 stereo A m p l i f i e r . 4 inputs, 15 watts per c h a n n e l out. E x c e l l e n t s o u n d for the price. £20 o n o . R Whitworth, Linstead 532. WANTED Lightweight, c o m p a c t t w o - m a n tent to b o r r o w for the s u m m e r . H i r i n g c o n s i d e r e d at very low rates. C o n t a c t Cathy Hyde Physics II Letter racks.

Page 3

Our Hero F i r s t off I m u s t m e n t i o n t h e S u p e r h e r o o f t h e W e e k , C o l i n P a l m e r , w h o , despite a n e x a m o n W e d n e s d a y , still d e l i v e r e d D a y b y D a y to us i n t h e e v e n i n g . C o o d stuff, C o l i n .

fifteen

C o l l e g e d a y s to g o b e f o r e t h e e n d o f t h e s a b b a t i c a l y e a r , it

h a s b e c o m e i m p o s s i b l e to r e m o v e a n y o f t h i s y e a r ' s s a b b a t i c a l s f r o m office ( c h e c k y o u r

By-Laws).

S o M e l K i n k i e c o u l d act out his m o s t e x t r a v a g a n t fantasies o n A l l the way

from

Heathrow

an unsuspecting I C U with impunity.

After a very interesting tube trip from H e a t h r o w , L a r s a n d M i a n , the t w o S w e d i s h s a b b a t i c a l s v i s i t i n g I C , e x p e r i e n c e d b e i n g t r a p p e d i n a lift at E a r l s C o u r t , a M o o n y s n a c k at l u n e h t i m e a n d M a r y ' s c o o k i n g i n the e v e n i n g . I hope they d i d n ' t t h i n k the latter was representati ve o f B r i t i s h c o o k i n g (sorry Mary). I ' d l i k e to w i s h t h e m b o t h a v e r y e n j o y a b l e s t a y i n B r i t a i n . Cork Competition Winner T h e w i n n e r o f last w e e k ' s c o r k c o l l e c t i n g c o m p e t i t i o n w a s P a u l J o h n s o n f r o m S T O I C w i t h h i s e n t r y o f t h r e e c o r k s . T h e rest o f y o u d i d n ' t t a k e t h e c o m p e t i t i o n s e r i o u s l y , d i d y o u ? W e ' l l be g e t t i n g t h e b o t t l e t o y o u as s o o n as p o s s i b l e P a u l . I n s u r a n c e etc F o l l o w i n g the c o r r e s p o n d e n c e recently c o n c e r n i n g the changes i n the I n s u r a n c e p o l i c y c o v e r i n g students' possessions, o n e o r t w o facts h a v e c o m e to l i g h t t h a t m a y c l a r i f y t h e s i t u a t i o n . F i r s t l y , it a p p e a r s t h a t R e s i d e n c e O f f i c e w e r e n o t i f i e d o f t h e c h a n g e i n t h e v a l u e o f g o o d s c o v e r e d (to T/750). B u t t h e y h a d n o t b e e n i n f o r m e d o f t h e 1 0 % l i m i t o n r e c o r d s , cassettes e t c . A t t h e time of w r i t i n g her letter S u e K a l i c i n s k i was u n a w a r e that R e s i d e n c e Office k n e w of the c h a n g e . A Day

Out

It s u d d e n l y o c c u r r e d t o m e t h e o t h e r d a y t h a t , w i t h less t h a n

RCC TRANSPORT CHAIRMAN

F o r t u n a t e l y a less f r i g h t e n i n g ( f r i g h t e n i n g f o r t h e rest o f y o u , t h a t is) w a y exists o f r e l e a s i n g a y e a r ' s f r u s t r a t i o n safely a n d w e l l off c a m p u s ( h a v e y o u g u e s s e d y e t ? ) . Y e s f o l k s , t h e A n n u a l P C T r i p to C a m b r i d g e is w i t h us a g a i n . T h i s a m a z i n g e v e n t is n o t t o be missed by a n y P G w h o w a n t s a n excellent d a y out. L a s t y e a r ' s t r i p c o i n c i d e d ( a c c i d e n t a l l y so I ' m t o l d ) w i t h t h e 5th A n n u a l C a m b r i d g e Beer F e s t i v a l a n d this year's just h a p p e n s to be o n t h e o p e n i n g d a y o f t h e 6 t h . M y , w h a t a c o i n c i d e n c e ! F o r f u r t h e r d e t a i l s see P G T i p s . Last F E L I X

of Session

M y v e r y last issue w i l l be o n t h e last d a y o f t e r m (22nd J u n e as i f y o u d i d n ' t k n o w ) so a l l of y o u w h o w a n t a b o u n d e d i t i o n w i l l h a v e to c o m e i n a n d c o l l e c t t h i s c o p y . P l e a s e b r i n g c o m p l e t e sets o f F E L I X , after t h e n , i n t o the O f f i c e for b i n d i n g . A s y o u m a y h a v e g a t h e r e d f r o m r e c e n t a d v e r t s w e d o n ' t h a v e t o o m a n y of s o m e b a c k issues so d o n ' t e x p e c t us to be a b l e to m a k e u p y o u r set. W e l l t h e t i m e is fast a p p r o a c h i n g w h e n t h e F E L I X E d i t o r c a n n o t be seen for a g r a d u a l l y s e t t l i n g c l o u d o f dust. B u t before t h e n t h e r e a r e s t i l l t w o m o r e issues. D o n ' t f o r g e t to k e e p w r i t i n g for us. Cheers John.

Royal College of Science ANNOUNCING

Wmm

mm.

as.

ONE DAY, M Y

BOY, A L L THIS C O U L D BE YOURS.

T h i s i m p o r t a n t post is still u n f i l l e d . A n y b o d y interested in t a k i n g over next a c a d e m i c year, please get in t ouch w i t h R o y A t t w o o d , E l e c E n g 808, int. 3113. T h e work involves m a n a g i n g the U n i o n lleet of 3 T r a n s i t s a n d 2 L a n d r o v e r s . A strong c o m m i t t e e

has a l r e a d y

T h e post carries the o p t i o n o f a r o o m in h a l l .

CONCERT

been

elected to look after finance, m a i n t e n a n c e a n d tests so the role of future c h a i r m a n w i l l be largely that of c o - o r d i n a t o r .

THE END OF THE LI Wednesday 20th June 8pm Concert Hall

Page 4

Wljat

MEET ANNE TURNBULL: IPs SOCIAL SECRETARY

Hello, I a m Anne T u r n b u l l , aged 19, a n d t h e n e w S o c i a l Secretary l o r the Institut Francais. R e a d i n g the l o c a l newspaper over the B a n k H o l i d a y at home I c a m e across a n article o n a court case w h i c h rather a m u s e d me. A nineteen year old, having c o m m i t t e d a series o f robberies in B o s h a m , West Sussex, m y home village, was b e i n g questioned o n his latest attempt. T h e evidence ol the prosecutor h a d a l r e a d y been given, d e s c r i b i n g the arrest oi the c u l p r i t . A m a n a n d wife h a d been asleep upstairs w h e n the wile was a w o k e n by strange noises below. Sh e then h e a r d someone c o m i n g up the stairs, a n d b e i n g somewhat forceful a n d u n f l a p p a b l e she sat up in bed a n d c a l l e d out " w h o ' s t h e r e ? " . W h e n the accused was asked to give his evidence he a d m i t t e d his guilt. A t this point the judge asked his reaction o n h e a r i n g someone shout out from the b e d r o o m .

" I c o u l d n ' t believe it. I j u m p e d out of m y skin. O n h e a r i n g the w o m a n shout at her h u s b a n d to chase me I d r o p p e d e v e r y t h i n g a n d r a n like a r a b b i t d o w n the stairs a n d out into the r o a d . " H e was fined a considerable sum of money. A s social secretary I w o u l d like to break u p the a p a t h y at I F a n d increase the n u m b e r o f active members of the college. B e i n g Social Secretary oilers a p a r t i c u l a r l y good c h a n c e to d o this. I, myself, b e i n g c o n v e n i e n t l y situated in S o u t h K e n s i n g t o n , in a hostel where I a m not q u i t e u n d e r lock a n d key, enjoy a good social life, a n d I w o u l d like to see a good deal m o r e social events organised at I F . I enjoy parties, g o i n g to the theatre o r concerts, classical o r Otherwise, films, a n d p a r t i c u l a r l y s a i l i n g a n d p l a y i n g the p i a n o .

|HHHH

H o p i n g to see some o f y o u d o w n at 13a C r o m w e l l M e w s , lots of love, A n n e x x x

Waiting JpltuG Scheming T h i s i s one o f the d i s a d v a n t a g e s o f b e i n g elected F E L I X E d i t o r b e f o r e the e n d o f s e s s i o n . Y o u see that f u n n y g u y w i t h the p e r m a n e n t leer w h o s e e m s to g r o w out o f the p a s t e - u p b o a r d o n the r i g h t , w a s getting w o r r i e d . It w a s o n l y five h o u r s to c o p y d e a d l i n e t i m e a n d n o one h a d s u b m i t t e d a n y m o r e t h a n a filled i n What's O n f o r m a n d a creased exam paper. I was s i t t i n g over a m e a l o f pie a n d h a l l baked chips m u n c h i n g a p a p e r c u p w h e n m y d r e a m w o r l d o f a c c o u n t books a n d c l e a n i n g l o a m was destroyed by the words, ' H o w d o y o u fancy I looked u p ... ' w r i t i n g a n E d i t o r i a l this week? Y o u c a n have a whole page i f you l i k e . ' N o r m a l l y I w o u l d have j u m p e d at t h e c h a n c e ; w h o w o u l d n ' t ? ( s h u t u p a n d read!) T o d a y was different. T o d a y I h a d just w a l k e d out of'an extremely e x h a u s t i n g e x a m , yes y o u k n o w w h a t I m e a n , a n d I just d i d not exist. T h e strange t h i n g is here I a m w r i t i n g about w h y I wasn't g o i n g to write w h a t I ' m writing. L o t s of people seem to be a s k i n g me lots o f questions. T h i s doesn't often h a p p e n to me so I've been a bit slow to realize just whafs g o i n g o n . I gather that some o f you u n d e r s t a n d I a m p r o d u c i n g F E L I X next year, a n d o r g a n i s i n g a l l y o u r posters a n d p a r t y tickets etc. O f course y o u wish to k n o w w h e n m y c o p y deadlines are a n d i l y o u c a n break t h e m . I d o not yet k n o w i f it is g o i n g to be possible to m a i l a F E L I X to prospective Freshers a n d

w h e t h e r I c a n p r o d u c e one i f it is, but i f I d o then I w i l l o n l y i n c l u d e c o p y in m y possession by 5 . 3 0 p m o n M o n d a y 2 3 r d J u l y . C o p y for the Freshers Issue, w h i c h w i l l a p p e a r o n 1st O c t o b e r , s h o u l d be in bv 5.30 F r i d a y Sept. 21st. I must w a r n a n y o n e that c a l l i n g me nasty names b e h i n d m y back wont m a k e me a n y more flexible t h a n I chose, w h i c h is not very. W h i l e I ' m w a r n i n g people - If y o u w a n t posters done l o r Freshers' F a i r then I advise you to get the a r t w o r k in as soon as possible. If you c o m e i n the week before t e r m starts I c a n oiler no guarantee that the work w i l l be c o m p l e t e d i n t i m e. J u s t before y o u a l l write me poison-pen letters. I h a d better m a k e m y peace. T h e r e w i l l be a new C a r t o o n Book on sale next t e r m . D r a k e ' s 7. the strip w h i c h [proved so p o p u l a r this year, is g o i n g to the presses in book form w i t h a c o m p l e t e l y n e w a n d o r i g i n a l story i n w h i c h o u r heroes travel ....enough said. S o m e o f y o u w h o are societies i n disguise w i l l have received bills for l i t h o work w h i c h you have not p a y e d for yet. If y o u d o not believe this c o m e a n d see either me o r the other funny bloke a n d e x p l a i n w h y y o u distrust o u r a c c o u n t i n g . I have very m u c h a p p r e c i a t e d everyone w h o has co-operated so far. I a m sorry to say that the unit is not a v a i l a b l e to a n y o n e w h o owes us m o n e y a n d has not c o m e f o r w a r d . S u m m e r time is nearly w i t h us a g a i n w h e n some of y o u w i l l be t h i n k i n g about getting b o u n d editions o f F E L I X . If you h a v e a s e t o f

this year's p a p e r w h y not fork o u t the extortionate s u m o f m o n e y that we must necessarily charge a n d have t h e m b o u n d into a nice t hi ck, black a n d heavy v o l u m e that is ideal for k e e p i n g a l l those pretty c o l o u r e d covers nice a n d c l e a n . M o r e details o f this next week, i i J o h n ' s short of c o p y a g a i n . P u b l i c a t i o n s b o a r d just m a n a g e d to ratify the eight lesser-spotted C o m m i t t e e m e m b e r s a n d for those of y o u w i t h short memories: i f y o u wish to take exotic p h o t o g r a p h s for F E L I X next year get i n t o u c h w i t h I a n Prosser i n the C h e m E n g e x a m . ' E r i c ' J a r v i s is not o n l y P h o e n i x E d i t o r but F E L I X N e w s R e p o r t e r (confusing isn't it?) If y o u ' r e into social events m a k e a date w i t h J i l l D a w s o n w h o stars o n page 5 ( T h e one o n the left) a n d help h e r organise s o m e t h i n g , somewhere, sometime. M a n of a l l seasons a n d also h e a d i n g Page 5 M r C o l i n ' F e a t h e r D u s t e r ' P a l m e r is l o o k i n g after the m e d i a bother in C o l l e g e a n d a r o u n d the other L o n d o n slums. L a r s W e r n b u r g - M e l l e r is still t r y i n g to teach me to spell his n a m e w h e n he takes time oil" from b e i n g F E L I X H o n Sec. I a n A l v e y runs the sport section a n d M a r k S m i t h makes sure we're a l l kept u p to date w i t h reviews a n d reviewers. T h i s o n l y leaves me to m e n t i o n D a v e H a d d o n w h o does m o r e t h a n he has to, a n d is o u r extra O r d i n a r y M e m b e r . If y o u a r e at a l l interested i n w o r k i n g o n F E L I X just come a l o n g to the F E L I X Office a n d tell someone. Y o u c o u l d live to regret it. Stay cool, John

Page 5

D a y

B y D a y

A ROUND-UP OF LAST W E E K ' S NEWS

Wednesday 30th More Floods Hit South Torrential rain swept a c r o s s S o u t h e r n Britain, flooded h o u s e s a n d cut off villages. A Western R e g i o n s p o k e s m a n s a i d that the railways were in quite a state. A n Inter-City train w a s d e r a i l e d by a l a n d s l i p . M a n y passengers travelling through Dorset, S o m e r s e t and W i l t s h i r e had to a b a n d o n their trains after floods c l o s e d rail t u n n e l s . Michelangelo's Tondo Stays in Britain A r t s Minister, M r N o r m a n St. J o h n - S t e v a s t u r n e d d o w n a n a p p e a l to let B r i t a i n ' s most valuable work of art be lent to R u s s i a . T h e decision could anger the Russians who wanted t h e t o n d o as a n e x c h a n g e loan for their T r e a s u r e s of t h e K r e m l i n . Forest Win European C u p N o t t i n g h a m Forest b e c a m e the third E n g l i s h s o c c e r c l u b to w i n the E u r o p e a n C u p , beating M a l m o , of S w e d e n , 1-0 in t h e final in M u n i c h . Tr e v o r F r a n c i s s c o r e d the goal a few s e c o n d s from half time.

Thursday 31st Zimbabwe is Born Africa's newest nation, Zimbabwe R h o d e s i a , c a m e into b e i n g at midnight. E i g h t y - n i n e years of white rule e n d e d a n d the new e r a of black rule b e g a n in an a t m o s p h e r e of s a d n e s s to s o m e a n d s u b d u e d o p t i m i s m to others. Multiple Sclerosis Cure Claim M u l t i p l e s c l e r o s i s c o u l d be w i p e d out within a generation t h r o u g h treatment with oil extracted from P r i m r o s e flowers. Prof. E p h r a i m F i e l d , P r o f e s s o r of E x p e r i m e n t a l at Newcastle-upon-Tyne Neuropathology University, has d e v i s e d a test w h i c h , he says, will e n a b l e scientists to d i a g n o s e the c r i p p l i n g disease, w h i c h affects m o r e t han 40,000 p e o p l e in Britain, in its very early stages. Its p r o g r e s s c a n be s l o w e d or even halted by feeding the patient o i l from the E v e n i n g P r i m o s e flower. M u l t i p l e s c l e r o s i s is a degenerative d i s e a s e a t t a c k i n g t h e nervous s y s t e m . T h e c a u s e is u n k n o w n a n d a l t h o u g h not hereditary, it t e n d s to c l u s t e r in families.

Friday lst

It shows in the look of our towns, in our airports, in our hospitals and in local amenities, it is painfully apparent in our railway system." Somerset Banned S o m e r s e t have been b a n n e d from this and Hedges C u p season's Benson c o m p e t i t i o n as a p u n i s h m e n t for their d e c l a r a t i o n after s c o r i n g o n l y o n e run in last week's z o n a l m a t c h against W o r c e s t e r s h i r e . T h e Test a n d C o u n t y C r i c k e t B o a r d c o n d e m n e d the d e c l a r a t i o n as being totally against the spirit of the game, w h i c h it h a d b r o u g h t into d i s r e p u t e . G l a m o r g a n will n o w take S o m e r s e t ' s place in the quarter final, a n d g o t h r o u g h to play D e r b y s h i r e at Cardiff. London Tube Strike from June 18 A n indefinite strike by 23,000 w o r k e r s is planned to b r i n g L o n d o n Transport's U n d e r g r o u n d s y s t e m to a halt.

It c o n f i r m s t h e o p i n i o n that u n d e r the last g o v e r n m e n t m o r a l e in t h e F o r e i g n Office r e a c h e d rock bottom. T h e d i s p a t c h d e c l a r e s : "You have only to move about Western Europe nowadays to realise how poor and unproud the British have become in relation to their neighbours.

N e r v o u s c i t i z e ns w o r r i e d at the prospect of a ton of S k y l a b l a n d i n g o n t h e m have started taking out i n s u r a n c e with L l o y d s of L o n d o n . B r o k e r s have a r r a n g e d c o v e r for u p to 2.5 million p o u n d s for d a m a g e attributed to a falling s p a c e vehicle, a l t h o u g h there is a c o n d i t i o n that an official of N A S A , or other r e s p o n s i b l e body, identifies t h e object to insure that it really d i d fall from s p a c e .

Monday 4th Vorster Resigns T h e S o u t h A f r i c a n H e a d of State, M r Vorster, r e s i g n e d after a most d r a m a t i c d e v e l o p m e n t in the ÂŁ37,000,000 M u l d e r g a t e scandal.

"The strike will undoubtedly bring London to a standstill with the tubes halted. There is no way any other transport, busses or trains, underground." can take over the traffic of the

His resignation w a s forced by p u b l i c a t i o n of t h e t h i r d r e p o r t o f t h e E r a s m u s C o m m i s s i o n of Inquiry into the s c a n d a l , w h i c h a c c u s e d h i m of h a v i n g "concealed irregularities from the cabinet, regardless of the consequences".

10 Year Old Has Twins

International Breast-Feeding Week

A ten year o l d girl h a s given birth to t w i n s at the Indiana University M e d i c a l C e n t r e . T h e babies w e r e b o r n six w e e k s prematurely and w e i g h e d three p o u n d s six o u n c e s e a c h .

A c o n f e r e n c e at t h e K e n s i n g t o n H i l t o n heard M P s a n d E s t h e r R a n t z e n s p e a k i n g about their e x p e r i e n c e s of breast-feeding. is part of International The conference Breast-Feeding Week.

Saturday 2nd Pope Arrives in Warsaw M i l l i o n s of P o l e s w e l c o m e d P o p e J o h n P a u l II with a s p o n t a n e o u s outburst of r e l i g i o u s fervour a n d affection as he c a m e h o m e in brilliant s u n s h i n e . 2 m i l l i o n p e o p l e lined the road t a k i n g h i m from the airport into W a r s a w a n d more than a quarter of a m i l l i o n p e o p l e f l o c k e d to victory square, in the centre of Warsaw, for a deeply m o v i n g o p e n air M a s s . Save the Seagoing Cockroach T h e former c o c k r o a c h c o a c h o n H M S M a n o o r a h a s registered a s t r o n g protest against t h e projected national c o c k r o a c h hunt. H e states that he is horrified to think that these 'friendly' insects w h o have given s o m u c h c o m p a n y to seafarers d u r i n g ojur m u t u a l m a r i t i me history s h o u l d be hunted d o w n a n d p l a c e d in j a m jars to suffer u n t o l d misery. H e hopes that the survival of the s p e c i e s will c o n t i n u e for the enjoyment of future g e n e r a t i o n s of mariners.

Britain's Failure by Next US Envoy A bitter review of B r i t a i n ' s e c o n o m i c d e c l i n e w a s leaked from W h i t e h a l l after being s u b m i t t e d to the F o r e i g n Office by S i r N i c h o l a s H e n d e r s o n w h o has been c h o s e n to be a n A m b a s s a d o r in W a s h i n g t o n .

Sunday 3rd Insurance Against Skylab

Sussex Union President Sent Down T w o students have been set d o w n by S u s s e x U n i v e r s i t y after protesters d i s r u p t e d B i o l o g y e x a m i n a t i o n s by r e m o v i n g the s t u d e n t s ' s c r i p t s a n d t h e n trying to disrupt the e x a m s w h e n they w e r e re-held. A s p e c i a l U n i o n G e n e r a l M e e t i n g to debate t h e i s s u e will be attended b y T r e v o r P h i l l i p s , the N U S President. T h e i r e x p u l s i o n followed the U n i o n - a p p r o v e d d e m o n s t r a t i o n with beating d r u m s o u t s i d e e x a m i n a t i o n r o o m s b e i n g u s e d for the re-sitting of the e x a m s .

Rampant Nudity Closes Agency T h e L u c i e C l a y t o n M o d e l A g e n c y is to withdraw from the indignities of the m o d e l l i n g market place. "Cut-throat competition, twenty per cent commission and a plethora of new agencies with names like Angels, Images and Petals have changed the ladylike sixties into the money-grabbing seventies."

Tuesday 5th Top Salaries up 25% 2,000 s e n i o r civil servants, judges, S e r v i c e chiefs a n d executives of State industries were a w a r d e d pay rises averaging 1 3 % o n top of the twelve per cent previously agreed by the Labour Government. 84,000 H e a l t h S e r v i c e do c t o rs a n d dentists s h o u l d get pay rises averaging 25.7% b a c k dated to A p r i l 1st. Archbishop of Canterbury to Retire Dr. D o n a l d C o g g a n i s t o resign next J a n u a r y 26th. H e wants to m a k e w a y for a y o u n g e r m a n as he is s i x t y - n i n e . M a n y felt that his p e r s o n a l c h o i c e to resign must have been taken in the . c o n t e x t of his o w n a w a r e n e s s of n e w C h u r c h p o l i c y that future A r c h b i s h o p s of C a n t e r b u r y will have to retire at seventy. v

Sussex University Students Strike S u s s e x University s t u d e n t s voted today for a series of o n e - d a y strikes in a n attempt to s e c u r e the re-instatement of t w o c o l l e a g u e s b a n n e d from the c a m p u s for their part in the 'examination disruption.

A Summer

b a r b e d i nnuendos . She pressed his h a n d i n hers, a n d kissed h i m l i g h t l y o n the lips.

Episode

V i r g i l o r d e r e d some ouzo a n d water. T h e conversation flowed. T h e y spoke of past regrets a n d future hopes. It wasn't l o n g before S u s a n b r o a c h e d the subject w h i c h was uppermost i n her m i n d .

PART III - The Moral Dilemma ' L e t h i m i n Peter,' Sue w h i s p e r e d , excited by the p r o s p e c t o f the i m m i n e n t c o n f r o n t a t i o n b e t w e e n the t w o m e n i n h e r life. O b s e q u i o u s l y , P e t e r o b e y e d . T o h i s s u r p r i s e a n d relief, a y o u n g h o t e l p o r t e r s t o o d at the 'I h a f m e s s a g e f o r M r s posture of a H e r m e s .

door.

K - , ' he a n n o u n c e d s o l e m l y , a s s u m i n g the gallant

' T h e r e ' s a long-distance telephone call i n fifteen m i n u t e s , ' Sue e x c l a i m e d , m e c h a n i c a l l y c h e c k i n g the t i m e o n h e r w a t c h . P e t e r d i s p a t c h e d the p o r t e r w i t h o u t a tip a n d closed the door. 'Who

c a n it be f r o m ? '

S u s a n h a n d e d the note to h e r

husband.

W h a t was he u p to, a n y w a y ?

' Y o u r mother,' Peter conjectured. 'Peut-etre. O r m y sister Louise. At any rate, I do hope nothing calamatous has

h a p p e n e d at h o m e . ' A s

she

p r e p a r e d h e r s e l f , P e t e r felt a c o l d

w h e l l i n g u p i n s i d e h i m . O v e r the p a s t m o n t h , a c a c o p h o n y o f a n g u i s h

fury had

s i m m e r e d w i t h i n h i m ... t h e d o c t o r ' s e r r o r ... t h e e p i s o d e w i t h L u c y ... S u e ' s h y s t e r e c t o m y ... a n d n o w

Virgil's mysterious appearance.

' W h a t is it d e a r ? M o v e o u t o f t h e w a y , V i r g i l w i l l b e h e r e s o o n . ' ' V i r g i l ... yes V i r g i l ... S u s a n , j u s t h o w d i d h e m a n a g e to be i n t h e s a m e I s l a n d as u s ? ' P e t e r b i t h i s l i p i n e x a s p e r a t i o n . 'It's p r o v i d e n c e , d e a r , N o w

Aegean

p l e a s e ... w i l l y o u h e l p m e d o w n t h e s t a i r s . '

' P r o v i d e n c e . . . there's n o s u c h a n i m a l , ' Peter s n a p p e d . ' A n d d o n ' t be facetious w i t h me, S u s a n . I detest the i n g r a t i a t i n g w a y y o u p l a y o n y o u r p h y s i c a l disabilities. B u t I k n o w y o u r little aches a n d pains; they are the w h i m s i c a l p r o d u c t s o f a fevered m i n d . Y o u are a c o n s u m m a t e h y p e r c h o n d r i a c , m y dear.' H e raved, deliberately m i m i c k i n g the w a y his sire h a d s a i d ' m y d e a r ' . ' W e l l , I a m grateful lor y o u r saccharine encouragements. G o d ! Y o u accuse me! Y o u , t h e e p i t o m e o f a n e m o t i o n a l c r i p p l e . I m p e t u r b a b l e , y o u l o o k o n at t h e w o r l d ' s s u f f e r i n g s . O r p e r h a p s y o u a r e s o m e g h a s t l y d e s c e n d a n t o f M e d u s a ... s h e w a s m e r e l y y o u r p r o t o t y p e ... i f a n y o n e g a z e s i n t o y o u r eyes, t h e y see n o t h i n g b u t s t o n e . ' S u e h a d a l w a y s h a d a v o l a t i l e t e m p e r , a n d n o w her c l a w s w e r e b a r e d . S h e p a u s e d for b r e a t h , a l l o w i n g j u s t e n o u g h t i m e f o r t h e v e h e m e n c e o f h e r t i r a d e to s i n k i n t o h e r h u s b a n d . ' Y o u h a v e n e v e r h a d to m a k e a d e c i s i o n whose o u t c o m e becomes the w a t e r s h e d i n t h e c o u r s e o f y o u r life: a c h o i c e so h o r r e n d o u s i n its r e p e r c u s s i o n s t h a t , w h i c h e v e r w a y y o u t u r n , y o u c a n n o t e s c a p e t h e b a l e f u l figure o f g u i l t . Y o u e s c h e w t h e m o r e g r u e s o m e a s p e c t s o f life b y y o u r r o m a n t i c f l i g h t i n t o s c i e n c e . ' T h i s r e f e r e n c e to h i s o c c u p a t i o n s u d d e n l y r e m i n d e d P e t e r o f his stature a n d r e p u t a t i o n i n the w o r l d o f physics. H e w o n d e r e d w h e t h e r t h e j o u r n a l h a d a c c e p t e d his latest p a p e r . S u s a n ' s m i n d was elsewhere. ' Y o u a b h o r t h e ' p r e s e n t ' a n d t h e ' n o w ' : i n s t e a d , y o u p r e f e r to d e f i n e t h e w o r l d i n t e r m s o f a t o m s , s u b s p a c e s a n d m o l e c u l e s . T h e s e a r e t h e figments o f y o u r f e v e r e d i m a g i n a t i o n , f o r , a c c o r d i n g t o m y senses, n o n e o f these p e c u l i a r a n i m a l s e x i s t . G o o n ! B u i l d y o u r castles i n the sky, n e b u l o u s , i d e o l o g i c a l edifices w h o s e b a t t l e m e n t s protect y o u f r o m t h e t h r e a t o f t h e r e a l w o r l d . ' A s h o r t p a u s e . P e t e r w a i t e d f o r t h e c l i m a x . It came. ' A n d to t h i n k I left m y c h i l d r e n for y o u ! ' A t this S u e r a n out of the r o o m , m o m e n t a r i l y forgetting the p a i n her stomach. H a l f w a y d o w n the stairs, she d o u b l e d u p in p a i n . It was funny, t h o u g h . She h a d come to associate it w i t h her c h i l d r e n . She saw it as a k i n d of p u n i s h m e n t for a b a n d o n i n g them. A n d h o w q u e r u l o u s Peter h a d become! L a t e l y , she h a d been repelled by his veryt o u c h ... it felt like a n icy w i n d . If o n l y V i r g i l w o u l d have her back. E a r l i e r in the day, w h e n they h a d met so p r o v i d e n t i a l l y i n the street, she a n d V i r g i l h a d discussed the possibility o f a r e c o n c i l i a t i o n , t h o u g h o n l y briefly. A f t e r a w h i l e , someone passed her on the stairs, a n d h e l p e d her to her feet. A s she reached the foyer, she sat d o w n by

U p s t a i r s , Peter was p a c i n g the floor w i t h the i m p a t i e n c e of a l i o n at feeding time. L i f e is so i r o n i c a l , he t ho ug h t to himself. If o n l y S u s a n h a d t o ld h i m that he was A u g u s t i n e ' s father before she h a d a n n o u n c e d her false p r e g n a n c y to h i m , ... he w o u l d never have been motivated to a c t with such vindictiveness, a n d the whole rueful episode w i t h L u c y never have t r a n s p i r e d . A s soon as they r e t u r n e d to L o n d o n , he w o u l d begin legal proceedings to gain the custody of his d a u g h t e r A u g u s t i n e . T h e n he w o n d e r e d i f V i r g i l knew.

the m a n a g e r ' s office to await the ' p h o n e c a l l . A t that m o m e n t , V i r g i l came s t r i d i n g i n t h r o u g h the door. A l t h o u g h he l a c k e d a c e r t a i n a i r ol sophistication, a c e r t a i n g e n t l e m a n l y grace, his swave a p p e a r a n c e a n d athletic physique m a d e h i m g l o w w i t h a m a s c u l i n e prowess Susan a d m i r e d in m e n . T h e first t h i n g she w a n t e d to now was where the c h i l d r e n were. 'I left t h e m in the hotel ... have you ever seen a G r e e k baby-sitter: M i n d y o u , they can't a l l be like her. She must weigh o v e r seventeen stone, the folds of flesh a r o u n d her belly are like the waves of the A e g e a n o n a stormy day.' Susan laughed: Virgil's bubbling humour and nonchalant manner was like a cool, refreshing breeze on a hot summers day. H o w different i l was to Peter's crass i n t e l l e c t u a l i s m , a n d the assault of his 1

A f t e r a p r o l o n g e d discussion, S u s a n a n d V i r g i l h a d reached agreement. She h a d assured her e x - h u s b a n d that she was w i l l i n g to forsake Peter, a n d r e t u r n to V i r g i l for the love she n o w realised that she h a d never lost for h i m . Secretly, they p l a n n e d a n a b s u r d elopement. T h a t same night, V i r g i l was leaving with J a d e and Augustine for K u s a d a s i , a resort o n the T u r k i s h coast. T h e y were to meet on the q u a y s i d e at ten o'clock. T h e n a g a i n , Peter m u s e d , perhaps S u s a n was l y i n g to h i m . T h e n what? Y e t deep i n himself, he felt a trust for her w h i c h b o r d e r e d on d e v o t i o n . She w o u l d always stay w i t h h i m , t h r o u g h the direst misfortunes, just as he h a d unselfishly given her his m o r a l support d u r i n g a n d after the o p e r a t i o n . H e was genuinely shocked a n d h u r t by her vicious outburst. H e sorely regretted l o s i n g his temper i n the first place. W h e n he h a d time, he w o u l d apologise to her. B u t look at the time! T h e telephone c a l l s h o u l d have c o m e a n h o u r ago. Peter d e c i d e d to go downstairs. B y the time Peter a r r i v e d , i n the foyer, V i r g i l h a d departed. H e h a d so m u c h that he w i s h e d to discuss w i t h his wife, that a l l he c o u l d ask her was whether the c h i l d r e n h a d c o m e yet. W i t h o u t b a t t i n g a n eyelid, S u s a n r e p l i e d that she h a d telephoned V i r g i l a n d suggested that he postponed his visit u n t i l a n o t h e r day. J u s t then, the m a n a g e r be c ko ne d t h e m into his office. In fact, the caller was Peter's b r o t h e r A l a n . D u r i n g the course of the conversation, Peter, in his usual reticent m a n n e r , said very little. A b s o r b e d w i t h r o m a n t i c thoughts, Susan d i d n ' t notice the c o l o u r s u d d e n l y d r a i n from Peter's face. H e r e p l a c e d the phone, s t a r i n g v a c a n t l y into nothingness. ' W h a t ' s the matter? Peter, tell me; y o u look as if y o u ' v e seen a ghost.' ' H e said it was a s u d d e n stroke ... unforseeable' Peter covered his face w i t h his hands, t r y i n g desparately not to weep. S u s a n put her a r m r o u n d h i m a n d begged h i m to tell her w h a t h a d h a p p e n e d . ' M y father is d e a d ! ' 'Oh!

No!'

' M y b r o t h e r has booked us a r e t u r n flight . f r o m A t h e n s l e a v i n g t o m o r r o w . I ' m sorry, S u s a n , ' Peter c o n t i n u e d , w i p i n g a w a y a lone tear. 'So a m I, Peter. So a m I.' by Justin Newland

Page 7

(a.c.c.) <e)

<s)

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(a.c.c)

(e)

I(a)

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(a)

T H E C O M M I T T E E S T R U C T U R E O F IMPERIAL C O L L E G E O F S C I E N C E A N D T E C H N O L O G Y

The

Mary Mutters

Deans

weeks

c o m m i t t e e meets about

a n d discusses

many

financial

every two

Meeting,

a n d other

UGM).

m a t t e r s . It d o e s n o t o f f i c i a l l y e x i s t , b u t c o n s i s t s o f Deans,

the Senior T u t o r ,

the College

O t h e r t h a n t h e s e x u a l g a m e s t h a t M e l K i n k i e is i n v o l v e d i n , lots o f o t h e r i m p o r t a n t t h i n g s h a p p e n a n d e m a n a t e f r o m I C U n i o n O f f i c e . M u c h o f t h i s is connected

with the structure o f the college a n d

going about

the d a i l y business o f r e p r e s e n t i n g a l l

y o u students.

lots

members, office),

committees

either

ex-officio

elected

years'

Council

are

Council.

student o f their Council

get t o g e t h e r ) i n J u n e o f t h e

y e a r b e f o r e t h e session i n q u e s t i o n . If

for a n y reason

a n elected

representative

If y o u a r e interested in the w o r k i n g s o f a n y o f Office

a n d find o u t w h o is o n t h e m , a n d y o u c a n c h a t w i t h them

some

time.

tend,

T h e President

between

them,

and

Honorary

to be o n

most

committees. The

Rector

and

the G o v e r n i n g

Body

are

R e c t o r c o n s u l t s his a d v i s o r y c o m m i t t e e s , ( R e c t o r ' s but o n many

decisions

will

hold

i n d i v i d u a l d i s c u s s i o n s a b o u t a n issue w i t h r e l e v a n t people,

e.g. C o l l e g e

Officers,

major

a n d societies a n d a d m i n i s t e r

clubs

campaigns

T h e a m a z i n g d i a g r a m a t t a c h e d to t h i s ' M u t t e r s ' the various

committees.

sub-

finance,

a n d represents

overseas

students),

there a r e c o m m i t t e e s for a c e r t a i n a r e a o f w o r k s u c h

T h e left-hand

side a r e R e c t o r ' s c o m m i t t e e s w h i c h a r e a d v i s o r y .

The

c o m m i t t e e is b o t h a s o c i a l a n d r e p r e s e n t a t i v e b o d y .

right-hand

Governing

side

Body.

Governing

a r e the c o m m i t t e e s o f the These

report

directly

academic

Body.

have

affairs.

roughly

committees w e have

a n d Executive

Committees

also

Postgraduate

labelled

all

representatives

U n i o n c o m m i t t e e they w o u l d

about

these

meetings

Queens

is t h a t

they

have

three

a n d w e get a r e a l l y g o o d

observers

Affairs

the

College

o n with the

r e l a t e to.

K E Y

Gate.

These

meetings

L a b e l s represent I C U c o m m i t t e e s a c c o r d i n g to the

student

following key:

l u n c h i n 170

always

(a)-

magically

modicum

democracy

there

are

the C h a i r m a n , (presently Oxford),

Sir Henry

often

President

(c.a.)-

City

(e)-

Secretary,

representatives,

seven

institutions,

Government

representatives four

sub-

members

Guilds

Union

academic

affairs

Executive

committee

Deputy

President

(President. plus

Hon.

three C C U

Presidents)

IC !

t e a c h i n g staff, five p e o p l e f r o m t h e C i t y a n d

a n d Guilds

committee

o f the

Secretary o f State for F o r e i g n a n d C o m m o n w e a l t h

professional

(department

Fisher from

a representative

Commonwealth

committee

( a . c . c . ) - A t h l e t i c c l u b s c o m m i t t e e (a m a j o r

Affairs,

five

affairs

c o m m i t t e e for a t h l e t i c clubs)

t h e D e a n s , t h e C o l l e g e S e c r e t a r y ( w h o is

to the G o v e r n o r s ) ,

Academic

representatives a n d others)

e n d j u s t at t h e r i g h t t i m e f o r l u n c h , b u t r e t a i n a

(o)- O v e r s e a s s t u d e n t s c o m m i t t e e

o f L o n d o n I n s t i t u t e , five f r o m U L , f o u r f r o m t h e .

(p.g.)- P o s t g r a d u a t e

Department

(s) S i l w o o d P a r k c o m m i t t e e (all s t u d e n t s b a s e d a t

of Education

a n d Science

a n d six

affairs

committee

a p p o i n t e d b y the crown.

Silwood)

Union Committees

a c c o m m o d a t i o n discussion group)

r e s p o n s i b l e f o r a l l d e c i s i o n s i n t h e last i n s t a n c e . T h e

committees),

either

(except O v e r s e a s S t u d e n t s c o m m i t t e e , w h i c h also

explains

clerk

i n their place.

these c o m m i t t e e s t h e n p o p i n t o t h e U n i o n

Secretary

the

d i s c u s s i o n s o n a n issue. G o v e r n i n g B o d y c o n s i s t s o f

c a n n o t a t t e n d one o f t h e meetings, we try a n d send somebody

are

discussed at a

three times a year. T h e most i m p o r t a n t t h i n g a b o u t

there

r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s a r e e l e c t e d at J o i n t C o u n c i l ( w h e n both

know

of).

Finance

(i.e. b e c a u s e

I C U

committees

were

committees of C o u n c i l - which mostly co-ordinate

G o v e r n i n g B o d y meets three times p e r year, a n d

College committees and how they relate to the Union On

Union

Secretary,

a n d the R e c t o r , (and m a y b e others I d o n ' t

How to (make friends? and) influence people

(e.g. S c h o l a r s h i p s

(w)-

t r y t o m a k e s o m e use o f o u r

representatives

I C U . In

o n C o l l e g e c o m m i t t e e s b y a c t u a l l y d i s c u s s i n g issues

p a r t i c u l a r , refectory prices a n d h a l l rents, etc., he

at v a r i o u s U n i o n c o m m i t t e e s , o r i f t h e issue is a

will discuss w i t h the P r e s i d e n t , I C U .

m a j o r o n e , t a k i n g it t o C o u n c i l o r a U n i o n G e n e r a l

Welfare

(w.a.)-

committee

ICWA,

(which

Imperial

also

College

has a n

Womens

Association

Mary Attenborough President, ICU

Page 8

Welfare COVENANTS A D e e d o f C o v e n a n t is a legally b i n d i n g agreement w h e r e b y y o u r parents agree to m a k e p e r i o d i c payments to y o u for a p e r i o d w h i c h must be c a p a b l e of exceeding six years but if c e r t a i n contingencies are specified i n the covenant, then the o b l i g a t i o n m a y t e r m i n a t e o n the h a p p e n i n g o f one of those contingencies, (e.g. y o u r l e a v i n g college before the covenant has been r u n n i n g for over six years). T h e a d v a n t a g e o f the covenant is that it enables y o u to recover the basic rate tax that y o u r parents have a l r e a d y p a i d o n the gross a m o u n t that they covenant to y o u . T h i s means that, w i t h baisc rate tax at 33%,if they covenant to p a y y o u £100, they have a l r e a d y p a i d £33 i n tax o n that m o n e y , so they p a y y o u £67 a n d y o u get theother£33 from the t a x m a n .

THE P R O C E D U R E T h e C o n s u m e r A s s o c i a t i o n have w o r k e d out a form of deed w h i c h the t a x m a n s h o u l d accept that goes as follows:/, John Smith, of 16 Moon Street, Blackburn, covenant to pay my son, William Smith, of the same address, a gross amount of £116.67 on each of the following dates in each year, namely 1 October, 1 January, 1 April, for the period of seven years, or for the period of our joint lives, or until he ceases to be receiving full time education at any university, college, school or other educational establishment (whichever is the shortest period), the first payment to be made 1 October 1979, Dated 1 September 1979 Signed, sealed and delivered by John Smith in the presence of (witness's signature and address) It is a d v i s a b l e to follow this e x a m p l e exactly, s u b s t i t u t i n g the a p p r o p r i a t e names, addresses, a m o u n t s a n d dates of p a y m e n t . T h e r e are c e r t a i n points w h i c h s h o u l d be noted:1) Y o u c a n ' t benefit f r o m a covenant unless y o u are aged 18 or over o r are m a r r i e d . 2) T h e instalments c a n be p a i d at whatever intervals y o u like b u t the first one must be p a i d after the date o n w h i c h the covenant is executed (ie signed a n d sealed) 3) T h e a m o u n t - this c a n be expressed either as ' a gross a m o u n t of £x' as i n the e x a m p l e above, w h i c h means that y o u r parents deduct the tax, w h i c h y o u w i l l get back, f r o m the gross a m o u n t a n d p a y y o u the rest. If y o u d o it this way, they w i l l have to alter the a m o u n t that they give y o u every time the basic t a x rate changes ( w h i c h isn't very often). So i f y o u are c o v e n a n t e d a gross a m o u n t of£100 a n d basic rate tax is at 33%, y o u r parents w o u l d give y o u £67 whereas i f the basic rate went d o w n to 30% they w o u l d p a y y o u £70.

C R O S S W O R DI Across

Down

I. F a i l i n g to n o t i c e that the engine's not w o r k i n g p r o p e r l y (7) 5. D i d a favour for s o m e o n e b e c a u s e f o r c e d to (7) 9. B e g i n t o move involuntarily (5) 10. B u t i t w o n ' t g r o w i n t o a l a r g e r gem (4-5) II. M a n y w e r e o n t h e sick-list a n d w e r e given a po'sting (6) 12. D o t h e y look at t h o s e w h o are w a t c h i n g T V ? (8) 14. C o l o u r a n d leave the d a n c e

1. C o m r a d e s in misfortune? (45) 2- G i v e o n e a p o s i t i on a n d s o c i a l s t a n d i n g (7) 3. L i k e the n o o d l e w h o 's never out of t r o u b l e ? (2,3,4) 4. Q u i e t l y flop back a n d try to get y o u r breath (4) 5. Put t o o great a b u r d e n o n s o m e o n e else's p o c k e t (10) 6. H a v i n g a p o u n d is not d o w n a n d out; a n y g a r d e n e r k n o w s this (5) 7. D o they strike a d i s c o r d a n t note in the kitchen?(7) 8. L i k e fools, the lieutenants join the party (5) 13. A b o u n c y t u n e ? (6,4)

(5) 15. T h o u g h s k i l l e d , tried to b e c o m e m o r e s o (9) 18. D e c i d i n g it's n o u s e fighting (9) 20. M a i n t a i n s it doesn't g o off (5) 22. S t a y o n the part of the p a p e r that s h o w s the strike (8) 24. Is it h i s g u n that h e fastens back o n a g a i n ? (6) 26. D o e s it k e e p e m p l o y e e s o n the m o v e ? (5,4) 27. S m a l l in o n e w a y a n d metallic (5) 28. D r o p p i n g b e h i n d the other p l u m b e r s at w o r k ? (7) 29. Regret g o i n g b a c k to the previ ous s c i e n t i s t (7)

16. R e c o r d what the b a n k r o b b e r s d o (4,5) 17. Is it the ruin of the N a v y ? (9) 19. D u p i n g but not g u l l i n g ? (7) 21. T h e cost of n o longer mere c o i n s , w e hear (7) 22. Is the girl g o i n g r o u n d the plant? (5) 23. Was it the d a n c i n g that upset the s i n g e r ? (5) 25. B o u n d to leave s o m e t h i n g out (4)

T h e other w a y of d o i n g it is for y o u to be c o v e n a n t e d ' a n a m o u n t w h i c h after d e d u c t i o n of tax at the basic rate a m o u n t s to£x' T h i s means that they pay y o u the same a m o u n t a l l the time but the refund from the tax m a n w i l l v a r y w i t h changes i n the basic rate. T h i s second variety is a p p a r e n t l y the most c o m m o n . 4) T h e formalities. Y o u c a n c o p y out the covenant w i t h the necessary alterations as set out above. It must be signed b y whoever is c o v e n a n t i n g to p a y y o u a n d witnessed by someone other t h a n yourself. It m i g h t be a good idea l o r the witness not to be a m e m b e r o f y o u r i m m e d i a t e family. T h e deed must be sealed. T h i s a r c h a i c bit of p a n t o m i m e c a n be c a r r i e d out w i t h sealing w a x o r b y s t i c k i n g o n a little disc o f red p a p e r ( w h i c h y o u c a n m a k e yourself). Y o u have got to e n d u p w i t h some sort o f red bit stuck onto the b o t t o m o f y o u r covenant. W h e n the deed has been executed it s h o u l d then be delivered ie h a n d e d over to you.

THE S N A G S W h e n the p a r e n t a l c o n t r i b u t i o n is p a i d b y w a y o f a c o v e n a n t , the gross a m o u n t c o v e n a n t e d is treated as taxable income. T h i s means that if y o u r i n c o m e from the covenant a n d eg v a c a t i o n w o r k exceeds y o u r personal a l l o w a n c e (£985 for a single person at present) T h e n y o u w i l l have to start p a y i n g tax. Nevertheless if y o u d o n ' t e a r n a total too m u c h over the personal a l l o w a n c e , y o u s h o u l d find that y o u are p a y i n g tax at a lower rate t h a n that at w h i c h y o u are r e c l a i m i n g it o n the covenant. T h e other possible s t u m b l i n g b l o c k m a y be that the i n c o m e f r o m the covenant c a n affect y o u r p a r e n t s c h i l d tax a l l o w a n c e . F r o m A p r i l 1979, however, the tax a l l o w a n c e has for the most part been a b o l i s h e d a n d replaced w i t h increased c h i l d benefits. T h e r e are a few exceptions but a l t h o u g h I have r u n g a n u m b e r of different tax offices, I have been unable to get a consistent a c c o u n t of w h a t these are. It seems that unless you have been at college since 1975, then unless y o u are u n d e r 19, y o u r parents w o n ' t get a tax a l l o w a n c e for you a n y w a y so y o u needn't w o r r y about this c o m p l i c a t i o n but it m i g h t be a good i d e a if y o u r parents were to check w i t h their o w n tax office before e x e c u t i n g the deed. 1

CLAIMING T H E TAX BAC K O n c e the first p a y m e n t has been p a i d u n d e r the c o v e n a n t , y o u c a n get a form c a l l e d a n R 185 ( A P ) from y o u r tax office. Y o u r parents have to fill this i n w i t h details o f h o w m u c h they have p a i d y o u a n d h o w m u c h t a x they h a v e d e d u c t e d . Y o u then have to take this w i t h y o u r covenant to y o u r tax office (the nearest one w i l l d o i f y o u h a v e n ' t a l r e a d y got one). O n c e they have h a d a look at it they m a y send y o u a form to fill i n a n d then y o u get y o u r money. A n y further i n f o r m a t i o n c a n be sought i n the W e l f a r e C e n t r e o n the t h i r d floor of the U n i o n B u i l d i n g .

A C C O M M O D A T I O N FOR NEXT YEAR T h e Welfare C e n t r e has some details of l a n d l o r d s w h o y o u c a n contact to book rooms, flats etc for next year. Michael Arthur Welfare Adviser

Crossword No. 521 - Prize £1

Industry and the graduate. V i e w s about industry, especially among graduates and others not actually engaged in it, have a tendency to be both dramatic and odd. For example:

S C E N E : Back m the Manager's Office after a special meeting "Braithwaite,

as your

depart-

man head I wain to tell you

â&#x201E;˘ that my colleagues and I were very proudof

the way i u which

you stood up to the

Director

this morning.

It takes courage

andconfidence

to tell the lead-

er that his facts are wronqand conclusion

his

illogical, and I must tell

you that we were all impressed by your-own grasp of the factors

extremely incisive involved.

It's that kind of fearless, clear-

headed thinking

that renews

tin

faith of all of us old hands in the up-and-cominggeneration.

the final analysis, it is not too much to say, that your of new approach the difference

makes all

between

success and failure intensely

kind

cut-throat

in tin world

of business. I am sure that your employer

will appreciate

to the full." -1

Is it really like that? W e l l there's one place where it isn't - and that's at Rank X e r o x Engineering Group. If" you want to k n o w the facts about h o w one ot Britain's top technological companies handles graduate development and the Braithwaites o i tomorrow, then phone Roger W a l k e r on W e l w y n ( JardcnC i ty 35794. R a n k X e r o x E n g i n e e r i n g G r o u p , B c s s e m c r R d . W e l w y n G a r d e n C i t y , I lerts. AL711 IE >

In the evenings and at weekends an answering service is available on 0908-312X70. W e are looking tor physicists, engineers and chemists. A l l career opportunities at Rank X e r o x arc open to both men and women.

K ENGINEERING GROUP

Page 10

Gaysoc

BILLIARDS AND SNOOKER Wednesday, 13th is Snooker Club Day! O n Wednesday, 13th June, at 1pm in the snooker lounge, the new committee will hold its first m e e t i n g ( o p e n to o r d i n a r y members). We will be discussing next year's plans, and if you have any ideas, we will be only too glad to hear them (after all, the new booking system was the brainchild of Kit Nair, who is not a committee member, and it is the best thing to happen in the snooker club for a long time!) In the evening, there will be the first snooker club bar-night! Meet in Union Bar at 7pm. So make a point to come along to at least one of the above events. The new committee (cordially known as pitch black and the seven twats) are: President: Me. the tinted one as Maghar puts it, Vice-President: Martin (leaningtower of Pisa) Proudiove (who

loves ya, Tracy) Hon Sec : Steve (You've got strong hands, haven't you Alex) Jeans, who has astounded us all by swearing the most since he was elected, Treasurer: Dave (Nuts) Nuttall. Everyone's a fruit and nuttal case. Publicity Officer: Gareth Machin, but we all call him machine. Ordinary Committee Members : Geoff Keymer, our hero, Chris Calvert, who keeps us all sane & level-headed by his calmness (even if he does have a funny accent), Alice Cameron: Alice is tall, blond, blue-eyed Quote: Why dont you come up and see me sometime?" So these are the loon ies who are running the club. We're all very approachable (don't take that in the wrong sense), and we are here to serve you. Sanjit Teelock (President for life) Which might not be very long after this article.

W i t h the c o n s i d e r a b l e o p p r e s s i o n o f g a y s i n soci ety a n d the l a w a n d t h e c o n t i n u o u s m i s r e p r e s e n t a t i o n o f g a y s i n the m e d i a a n d e d u c a t i o n i t i s l i k e l y that m a n y p e o p l e w h o a r e r e a l l y g a y w i l l n e v e r r e a l i s e t h e m s e l v e s o r o n l y after t h e y h a v e o t h e r commitments, eg m a r r i a g e , c h i l d r e n , etc, l e a d i n g to considerable conflict a n d m i s e r y . Please think about the following points (1) Although it is likely that a sexual preference is established early in life, there is no evidence that this preference can be permanently changed by heterosexual or homosexual experiences, eg why are there so many married gays who only realised their true nature after marrying. D o not lie afraid of suddenly being fixed as gay - it's just a myth to try to frighten bisexual and gay people into conforming by suppressing their true nature. (2) T h e Christian Churches are by no means convinced of their attitude towards gay people; Catholic, Methodist and C . of E . Churches are all holding considerable investigations to try to understand the situation of gays in their respective churches. Indeed over 40 clergymen have signed a petition specifically repudiating the masquerade of anti-homosexual prejudice as Christian morality. (3) T h e stereotypes of gays spread by the media are completely false; gays have the same spread of personality and jobs as heterosexuals, and it is certain that you have met many gay men and women without even realising it. Involving yourself by coming along to a gay organisation, eg. (4) U L U discussion groups, requires no commitment whatever, you come along just as an observer. Y o u can involve yourself as much or as little as you like - it is entirely up to you. FEE S U P P O R T S C H E M E

Tips

Next year's Postgraduate Affairs Officer is Richard Earl, a Physics postgraduate- His nomination was unopposed and his election was ratified at the Postgraduate Group Annual General Meeting on Thursday last week. He takes over the job on 1st July and can be contacted hi room 732, Blacken Laboratory, internal telephone 4454. Other Committee members e l d e d are Treasurer Peter Mitchell, Physics room 814, tel. 3867; Social Secretary Steve G u n n , Chemistry room 535, lei 4116; and P G Welfare Officer John Whitehouse, Chemistry room 833, tel. 4162. The post of Secretary remains unfilled. SOCIAL EVENTS A bar night held in Stan's real ale bar last Thursday evening was very successful with a large attendance. T h e new Committee will be organising a trip to Cambridge probably on Thursday 19th July. The local beer festival starts on 19th J u l y - what a coincidence! Last year's trip was definitely not to be missed and proved a welcome relief from the worries of thesis writing. Further details will be available soon from the new Committee.

fJiHtafc

SBDBI

The Ministry of Overseas Development is offering up to 600 awards to assist on grounds of hardship selected postgraduates from developing countries who will be engaged on full time studies at British unieversities, polytechnics and colleges of further education at the beginning of the academic year 1979-80. Awards will take the form of annual grants of fixed amounts of about half of the overseas postgraduate fee for up to three years starting in 1979. Eligibility is confined tostudents already following advanced courses in Britain and who are not in receipt of other major awards. They must be following a course which the Ministry considers of developmental value and they must return to their own countries at the end of their course. Application forms and further details are available from Mrs J.K. Morten in the Scholarships Office, Room 319, Sherfield Building, internal telephone 2745. The closing date for receipt of applications by the British Council is 30th June 1979. Registry asks that forms should be returned as soon as possible and preferably not later than 15th June. Sonia Hochfelder P G Affairs Officer 1978-79 W n H H e B D C f c

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Page 11 anonymous.

R A G The joint R A G committee for this year was held on Wednesday 23rd May. The main business on the agenda was to choose the charities to benefit from RAG activities next year. After m u c h debate on the merits of various charities, a vote was taken with the result that most of the m o n e y raised next year will be u s e d to buy a kidney m a c h i n e (or m a c h i n e s ) , a n d the minor charities to benefit will be Gingerbread and A l c o h o l i c s

F o l l o w i n g this, there was a d i s c u s s i o n about new types of s l o p p shirts to be s o l d next year. T h e meeting then p a s s e d o n to the a p p o i n t m e n t of the new R A G T r e a s u r e r a n d R a g Secretary. T h e s e two posts were filled by R u t h L a n g f o r d , M a t hs 1, a n d Kirsten Pratt, M a t hs 1 respectively. After this, outgoing RAG Chairman G r a h a m C o x handed over to R a e c h e l Snee, R A G C h a i r m a n elect, a n d the meeting e n d e d with the c u s t o m a r y barrel of beer.

MARANATHA Seek a n d y o u w i l l

find.

T h i s , then, is the spirit i n w h i c h o u r search must be c o n d u c t e d . W e must cast aside a p a t h y , pr i de, prejudice a n d sin, a n d seek G o d i n scorn o f t h e consequences. O f all the hindrances to effective search the hardest to overcome are i n t e l l e c t u a l prejudice a n d m o r a l self-will. B o t h arcexpressions of fear, a n d fear is the greatest enemy of the t r u t h . F e a r paralyses o u r search. W e k n o w that to find G o d a n d to accept Jesus C h r i s t w o u l d be a v e r y i n c o n v e n i e n t experience. It w o u l d involve the r e t h i n k i n g of o u r whole outlook on life a n d the readjustment of o u r w h o l e m a n n e r of life. A n d it is a c o m b i n a t i o n of i n t e l l e c t u a l a n d m o r a l c o w a r d i c e w h i c h makes us hesitate. W e don' t find because we do not seek. W e do not seek because we do not w a n t to find, a n d we k n o w that the way to be c e r t a i n of not f i n d i n g is not to seek.

Elk's Last Stand If y o u w a n t to p a r k i n College o v e r J u l y a n d y o u h a v e n ' t filled i n a n a p p l i c a t i o n for a t e m p o r a r y p a r k i n g p e r m i t for J u l y yet, then y o u ' d better shift y o u r ' a r r i s a n d get o v e r to the U n i o n Office p r o n t o a n d fill one i n , as the c l o s i n g date is t o d a y (5.30pm). R i g h t t h a t ' s the serious bit over. As the e n d of t e r m approaches a n d the E l k i n dynasty reaches its c o n c l u s i o n I get less a n d less to write about. M y life seems to be s u b l i m a t i n g into a sexual fantasy where fact a n d fiction cannot be told apart, a n d a misplaced step a n d a weak link i n the fragile fa b r i e of the space-time c o n t i n u u m c a n c o m b i n e to create a w o r l d u n k n o w n outside of personal d r e a m a n d n i g h t m a r e ; where fragmented shapes exist in a chaos of m a x i m u m entropy (he's t a l k i n g about the u n i o n office again) like a huge wet d r e a m o f a nineteenth century physicist. E n o u g h of this, I ' m b e g i n n i n g to .;ound like Justin Newiand.

So be open to the possibility that y o u m a y be w r o n g . C h r i s t m a y i n fact he true. A n d i f y o u w a n t to be a h u m b l e , honest, obedient seeker after G o d , come to the book w h i c h c l a i m s to be his revelation. C o m e p a r t i c u l a r l y to the Gospels w h i c h tell the story of Jesus C h r i s t . G i v e h i m a chance to confront y o u w i t h h i m s e l f a n d to authenticate h i m s e l f to you. C o m e w i t h the full consent of y o u r m i n d a n d w i l l , ready to believe a n d obey if G o d brings c o n v i c t i o n to y o u . W h y not read t h r o u g h the G o s p e l of M a r k , or J o h n ? Y o u c o u l d read either t h r o u g h at a sitting (preferably i n a m o d e r n translation), to let it m a k e its total i m p a c t on you. T h e n y o u c o u l d re-read it slowly, a c h a p t e r a day. Before y o u read, p r a y - p e r h a p s s o m e t h i n g like this:

A n y w a y , what I ' m really t r y i n g to say is that there are only a l i m i t e d no. of events left at I C this year (I've c e r t a i n l y been saying it i n a funny way). T h e major one of w h i c h is the E x e c P a r t y w h i c h is t a k i n g place on the last T h u r s d a y of term (21st J u n e ) a n d w h i c h is b o u n d to be a stormer. E v e r y o n e left at college is i n v i t e d , b r i n g a bottle, so put it d o w n in y o u r d i a r y (along w i t h the o p t i o n a l W e d n e s d a y 1 o'clock one), it's usually a n excellent party. T h e other one, of course, is J o i n t C o u n c i l . A n o t h e r event that is. T h i s m a r v e l l o u s m e e t i n g starts at 2 p m on M o n d a y 1 8 t h j u n c in the U n i o n D i n i n g H a l l a n d if y o u ' d like to witness great statesmen / w o m e n / persons at w o r k then p o p a l o n g a n d observe the meeting. O h well, as m y b r a i n ' s gone b l a n k - n o m o r e elections, no m o r e U G M s , no m o r e heroes - I ' l l stop m y inane r a m b l i n g a n d get d o w n to the rope, leather c o r d a n d m y friend N i g e N o b . Cheers, Mike The Elk

Don't forget the fabulous

EXEC PARTY T h u r s d a y 21st J u n e

'God, if you exist (and I don't know if you do), and if you can hear this prayer (and I don't know if you can), I want to tell you that I am an honest seeker after the truth. Show me if Jesus is your Son and the Saviour of the world. And if you bring conviction to my mind, I will trust him as my Saviour andfollow him as my Lord.'

8:30 i n the J C R Bar Extension

N o - o n e c a n p r a y such a p r a y e r a n d be d i s a p p o i n t e d . G o d is no m a n ' s debtor. H e honours a l l earnest search. H e rewards a l l honest seekers. C h r i s t ' s promise is p l a i n : 'Seek a n d y o u w i l l find.'

B r i n g a Bottle

F r o m ' Basic Christianity', J o h n R W Stott. I V P . ^AND

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Page 12

REVIEWS I

FILMS

it seems such a short time ago that I was bubbling with enthusiasm about the films which were to follow Star Wars. The latter is now a dirty word, I cringe at the mention of it. Below are two good reasons. The Humanoid (A, George B Lewis). Don't let the n a m e s fool y o u . T h i s is a prime e x a m p l e of those c h e a p Italian sci-fi rip-offs, with credits w h i c h read like the A . A . g u i d e to the Mafia. I can't r e m e m b e r w h e n I was last so d i s g u s t e d with a film for lack of story, poor effects a n d feeble a c t i n g . The stars (joke) are R i c h a r d ' J a w s ' K i e l a n d B a r b a r a B a c h , both of ' T h e S p y w h o Loved M e ' fame, in this film it's a c a s e of 001-wishthey-hadn't bothered ! T h e w e a k story c o n c e r n s the efforts of a Darth Vader lookalike a n d his P V C s i d e k i c k s to overthrow his brother, the ruler of Earth. H e is a i d e d by a m a d scientist w h o c h a n g e s a m i l d - m a n n e r e d s p a c e pilcf into an indestructable monster. There are also laser arrows, a robot d o g , a beautiful female in trouble ... N e e d I g o o n ? T h e w i l d use of lasers a n d cornflake packet s p a c e s h i p s c l i n c h it. T h i s is m y first n o m i n a t i o n for a new film a w a r d c a t e g o r y Films to be totally ignored'. The Shape of Things To Come (A George McGowan) T h i s c a n o n l y be my s e c o n d n o m i n a t i o n for the a b o v e category. Forget it. T h i s is for film perverts only. O h yes, a n d M i k e E l k i n . Seriously, this film m a s q u e r a d e s as a remake of the 1936 c l a s s i c . It is m o r e of a sequel, being set 50 years after the first e n d e d . Definitely better t han the pathetic ' H u m a n o i d ' but still for s c i e n c e fiction vultures o n l y . Well, the e x a m s are d r a w i n g to a c l o s e a n d y o u m a y have the o d d spare evening. Fo r this reason I t ho ug h t I'd d o a 'Film in B r i e f c o l u m n . O K s o it is a ' P u n c h ' rip-off! A n i m a l H o u s e - great f u n , very a m u s i n g . Battlestar G a l a c t i c a - d i s a p p o i n t i n g T h e B o y s from B r a z i l - c l o n i n g plus a g o o d

Which film is this a clip

from?

Film Quiz

story a n d cast. C a l i f o r n i a S u i t e - s t y l i s h, inoffensive h u m o u r . T h e Dear H u n t e r - s h o u l d n ' t be m i s s e d . F a n t a s i a - made in 1940 but a masterpiece of a n i m a t i o n . K e n t u c k y Fried M o v i e - h i l a r i o u s if y o u are not t o o fussy. Invasion of the B o d y s n a t c h e r s - sci-fi fans only. M i d n i g h t E x p r e s s - p r o b a b l y the best film in L o n d o n . Nosferatu - t y p i c a l l y E u r o p e a n but a different type of vampire story. S u p e r m a n - fun for k i d d i e s of all ages. T o w e r i n g Inferno - t h e best disaster movie. Warriors - well worth it. Watership Down - disappointing interpretation of t h e novel.

A n d N o w ... faster than a s p e e d i n g bullet, shorter than W a r a n d Peace, it is a silly film quiz!! W h o ' s been p a y i n g attention? 1. W h o wrote ' C a l i f o r n i a Suite'? N a m e at least o n e of h i s other s c r e e n c o m e d i e s . 2. W h o s t a r r e d i n ' I n v a s i o n o f t h e B o d y s n a t c h e r s ' , ' T h e First Great Train Robbery' and 'Animal House'? 3.

W h o directed 'Battlestar G a l a c t i c a ' ?

4. W h i c h star of a l o n g r u n n i n g T V western a l s o starred in ' G a l a c t i c a ' ? 5.

W h o plays the vampire in 'Nosferatu'?

Old and New 6.

What is the s e q u e l to Star Wars c a l l e d ?

7. W h o wrote the novel ' T h e B o y s Brazil?

from

What is the new P y t h o n movie c a l l e d ?

W h i c h B o n d movie featured 'Little Nell'?

10. What is the f o r t h c o m i n g B o n d called?

movie

Weirdos Only 1. W h o Planet'?

played

Morbius

2. What were the two called? 3.

'Forbidden

' T h u n d e r b i r d s ' films

W h o p l a y e d D o c t o r W h o in two films?

4. W h i c h films s h a r e d the h o n o u r of best film at C a n n e s this y e a r ? There will be a s m a l l prize for the first a l l correct entry s u b m i t t e d to me at the F E L I X Office. T h e 'Weirdos O n l y ' c a n be ignored. 12.-From

which film were these two scenes

cut (ie not shown)

Mike Smith

Page 13

ICRICKET Rain Saves UC 213 all out 91 for 2

UC IC

T h e r e m a i n s o f the selected IC l s t X I n u m b e r e d 5 a n d a r r i v e d for U C ' s b u s at G o w e r St w i t h the n e w s that they w i s h e d to b o r r o w the h o m e sides k i t . O n a r r i v a l at Shenley we w e r e lent 2 s e c o n d X I p l a y e r s p l u s I rabbit. I C lost the toss a n d o p e n e d the b o w l i n g w i t h 2 iirst change bowlers. W i c k e t s fell i n t e r m i t t e n t l y u n t i l at 150 for 4 F u r n i s h m a d e the astute decision of p u t t i n g on M a h e r s w h o i m m e d i a t e l y took a wicket. H a d he been a r e a l t a c t i c i a n he w o u l d then have r e m o v e d M a h e r s f r o m the attack as 26 were taken from his second (final) over. U C eventually m a d e 231 w i t h the help o f a n o n r u n out decision to give t h e m their last 15. I C ' s 7 players i n c l u d e d 5 o p e n i n g batsmen a n d Mylvag a n a m a n d A Guest were chosen to d o the honours. These 2 gave I C a solid start u n t i l A Guest fell to a b a d decision f r o m u m p i r e A . N . Otherguest. T h i s b r o u g h t D a v i s to the crease. T h e o p p o s i n g c a p t a i n t ho ug h t that this p a i r were b a d enough to get out to some slow near donkey droppers. D a v i s a n d M y l v a g a n a m thought otherwise a n d proceeded to carve the b o w l i n g u n t i l a p r o p e r spinner was b r o u g h t into the attack to remove M y l v a g a n a m . Davis fiercely

continued to strike until torrential rain

stopped 50 a n d Furnish advent season.

h i m (on 47 n.o.) f r o m his prevented f o u r t h opener (8n.o.) from his second into d o u b l e figures this

A t 91 for 2 off 17 overs a n d w i t h remaining it was 19 overs generally agreed that w i t h these two fine batsmen at the crease it was o n l y r a i n that saved U C . T o decide the d r a w n m a t c h U C c h a l l e n g e d I C to a boat race i n the b a r afterwards w h i c h we w o n i n style, (you try b o a t - r a c i n g w i t h A b b o t ale). Team: Furnish, Mylvaganam, Turner, Davis, Mahers, A Guest, AN Otherguest. : T E N N I S

TENNIS CLUB On Saturday, IC tennis were due to play a men's doubles against Gower and a mixed against International Student House. On Friday, O'Boyle was in the bar unaware of what lay in store. Morning came and a dozen racquet-wielding hopefuls crowded in G C P and sped towards Harlington. Sean and Julia who had hogged the front seat payed dearly for it by sticking most uncomfortably (to the seats). After a 5 minute delay, changing rooms were located and one of the team waltzed out in tennis shorts a la RCS A G M , the latest thing so I'm told. The rest of the players dressed some what more sedately knocked up. In d u e c o u r s e the o p p o s i t i o n arrived: 'How d'you do?' 'Fine t h a n k s mate, how do y o u ? ' ' N i c e weather for it.' ' P r o b a b l y piss d o w n later' T h e c o u r t s t h e m s e l v e s were in fairly g o o d s h a p e , if a bit slow, it had been r a i n i n g earlier o n . R i c h J e n n e r , last year's c a p t a i n t u r n e d up late, the team was c o m p l e t e . T h e m a t c h started. 'These two don't look m u c h g o o d ' . ' N a a p r o b a b l y thrash 'em'. 1st r o u n d f i n i s h e d . 'Better than they l o o k e d weren't t h e y ? ' 'Not bad at all'. ' P e r h a p s the others w o n ' ' N o we got h a m m e r e d , bet y o u beat their third pair t h o u g h , didn't look much good' O ' B o y l e a n d J e n n e r e x c h a n g e d w i t h e r i n g g l a n c e s . A n d so it went. A break for tea. P e r h a p s they'll s l o w up a bit after tea, flash gits, m u s e d IC to themselves over s t i c k y c h o c o l a t e b i s c u i t s a n d tomato sarnies. 3rd r o u n d after tea: no c h a n g e , but with t r u e g r i t I C d i d m a n a g e to win the o d d g a m e or two. T h e m i x e d didn't fair m u c h better; they c o u l d hardly have d o n e w o r s e !

IC 1st IX vs Westfield 1st XI In the absence o f M e l K i n k i e this week, IC c o u l d o n l y r a i s e nine perverts. T o p l i s , s t i l l w e a r i n g his wellies after a h a r d m o r n i n g on the sheep f a r m , m a n a g e d to lose the toss a g a i n . W e s t f i e l d elected to bat w h i c h left IC to chase a r o u n d i n the t r o p i c a l heat. T o p l i s ignored M o r t o n ' s advice to bow) his off-breaks a n d b o w l e d bis n o r m a l straight u p a n d d o w n r u b b i s h . S o m e h o w he m a n a g e d to take 5 for 22 a n d this i n c l u d e d a s p l e n d i d c a t c h b e h i n d the wicket by M o r t o n . T h i s surprised everybody as M o r t o n h a d spent most o f t h e afternoon l u s t i n g after w o m e n footballers in tight shorts, w h i t e socks a n d P Y C shirts. E l l a c o t t c l a i m e d to have a head-ache. T h i s h a d two effects firstly he was u n a v a i l a b l e to the rest of the team a n d secondly he only managed to b o w l one straight b a l l a l l afternoon. T h e straight b a l l so surprised the b a t s m a n it c l a i m e d E l l a c o t t ' s o n l y wicket. M y l v a g a n a m a n d S l a t o r d o w n e d their w h i p s a n d t u r n e d t h e i r arms over. B o t h were successful by their normal standards r e t u r n i n g figures of 129 a n d 1-27 respectively. As. usual, I C used one j o k e bowler. T o d a y was the t u r n of A c f o r d w h o is due to a p p e a r in court next week c h a r g e d with exposing himself i n H y d e P a r k . Westfield, w i t h no perversions amongst the whole team, finally d e c l a r e d after tea at 122 for 9. Morton and Mylvaganam opened for I C . T h e latter looked quite classy u n t i l p l a y i n g on a wide b a l l after s c o r i n g 28. M o r t o n showed a n u n c h a r a c t e r i s t i c lack of talent a n d scratched a r o u n d for a l u c k y 14. F u r n i s h d i d not last l o n g as he was distracted by a passing school-girl. H o w e v e r he d i d i m p r o v e his b a t t i n g average by s c o r i n g one r u n . Pickles r e m a i n e d at the wicket for a l least

two m i n u t e s a n d was given out for self abuse w h e n he h a d scored 9. S l a t o r looked like s w i n g i n g the game I C ' s way by scoring 0. T o p l i s (still in his wellies) scored a n a g r i c u l t u r a l 10. a n d M a h e r s (inspired the night before by his woman) inflatable rubber a c h i e v e d a life-long a m b i t i o n a n d a c t u a l l y scored some runs. H e h a d reached the a m a z i n g total ol 3 before a harsh u m p i r i n g decision sent h i m back to the p a v i l i o n . T h i s left A c f o r d a n d E l l a c o t t (complete w i t h headache) to try a n d p l a y out the last few overs. A c f o r d ' s f o r w a r d defensive lunge was very p r o m i n e n t a n d he r e m a i n e d not out 1. It was E l l a c o t t w h o generously d o l l i e d a c a t c h to short extra-cover o i l the p e n u l t i m a t e b a l l of the day to lose us the m a t c h . I C finished w i t h the impressive total of 79 a n d two rape v i c t i m s . A f t e r the m a t c h we c o u l d at least enjoy d i r t y films a n d a n orgy i n the bar, even t h o u g h we h a d been defeated by eleven straight men. R O C K T H E WRIST, w i t h a c k n o w l e d g e m e n t s to E C Cushion Productions Ltd.

IMPERIAL COLLEGE CROQUET CLUB T h e croquet s e a s o n has b e g u n . That's w h y y o u may have seen idle people hitting m u l t i c o l o u r e d balls a r o u n d the Q u e e n ' s lawn to no apparent p u r p o s e . We are the IC C r o q u e t C l u b . A c t u a l l y C r o q u e t is a g a m e requiring skill, finesse and thought and not a little deviousness. If y o u think y o u might like to play, w h y not c o m e a l o n g to an introductory session for

b e g i n n e r s at 1pm on W e d n e s d a y 13th J u n e beneath the Q u e e n ' s T o w e r , where o u r resident expert, Prof N e a l will demonstrate the b a s i c s of the game. F o r t h o s e of y o u w h o a l r e a d y play, and w o u l d like to join the c l u b (you need to be a m e m b e r of use the equipment) the m a n to contact is Julian Radowicz, Maths II. C o m e a l o n g on W e d n e s d a y , anyway, and meet us.

After being a c c o s t e d in bar afterwards a n d relentlessly teased all the way back, (we o n l y w o n 2 g a m e s all afternoon) I was quite g l a d to get d o w n to s o m e F l u i d m e c h a n i c s revision, w h i c h I p r o b a b l y failed anyway. There's always next time. Team: Barry Witts (Capt) Noori, Sean and Rich, Larry Mixed: Julia and Richard, Sara and ?, Hazel and Rob.

and

Sydney.

Page 14

NEWS IN BRIEF NEW FURNITURE N e w furniture for the U n i o n L o w e r L o u n g e has b e g u n t o arrive, but w i l l not be m o v e d i n u n t i l it has a l l been delivered.

absurd. Discussions are to c o n t i n u e at the next Refectory C o m m i t t e e m e e t i n g before the end o f this term.

A n y chairs n o w i n the L o w e r L o u n g e w h i c h are still in a decent c o n d i t i o n w i l l be m o v e d to the Junior C o m m o n R o o m .

OVERSEAS STUDENTS A BENEFIT The College's Overseas Students C o m m i t t e e is considering ways i n which overseas students benefit B r i t a i n and investigating a w a y o f q u a n t i f y i n g this i n cash terms.

NOT SATISFIED T h e R e c t o r is not satisfied w i t h Refectory Committee's recent r e c o m m e n d a t i o n for a 0.25 p e r cent m o n t h l y wages regulator a n d has asked the U n i o n President to c o l l e c t inaccuracies in her paper w h i c h led to the decision. T h e R e c t o r w o u l d like a 0.5 per cent m o n t h l y rise to compensate for wage cost increases w i t h a 5 per cent adjustment in J u l y . But M a r y A t t e n b o r o u g h says that even alter a m e n d m e n t s to her o r i g i n a l c a l c u l a t i o ns o n l y 0.26 per cent is needed w i t h a 2.5 p e r c e n t rise in J u l y . She has accepted the 5 per cent proposal for J u l y . T h e a n n u a l wages settlement is p a i d from l s t D e c e m b e r . T h e disagreement between the R e c t o r and the U n i o n President arises over how the increased wage costs should be spread over the whole year. M s A t t e n b o r o u g h says that the R e c t o r ' s c a l c u l a t i o n s are based o n the wage rise t a k i n g place o n l s t A u g u s t w h i c h she considers is

C o l l e g e is h o p i n g to use this i n f o r m a t i o n to c o u n t e r arguments about a l l o w i n g overseas students to s t u d y i n B r i t a i n . T h e G o v e r n m e n t sets the fees for these students basing them o n the r u n n i n g costs o f the university divided b y the n u m b e r o f students. T h e Overseas Students Committee says t h a t this c a l c u l a t i o n is unrealistic. A t its last m e e t i n g the O S C agreed to consider h o l d i n g a conference about s m a l l scale energy sources i n the T h i r d W o r l d at I m p e r i a l College. T h e conference w o u l d be a sequel to one held at R e a d i n g in January. T h e C o m m i t t e e also discussed English l a n g u a g e tests f o r overseas students. A t the m o m e n t there is no clear d e f i n i t i on o f the s t a n d a r d of E n g l i s h r e q u i r e d a n d some students are finding that their knowledge o f E n g l i s h is inadequate.

T h e C o m m i t t e e decided to set up a test w h i c h w i l l be k n o w n as T O E F L - teaching o f E n g l i s h as a foreign language. A l l overseas students w i l l have to take this test and reach a set s t a n d a r d . I f they fail they w i l l be able to retake it the f o l l o w i n g year.

NEW N U R S E S College is to a l l o w t w o male nurses to live in the flat above the H e a l t h C e n t r e . I n r e t u r n for free a c c o m m o d a t i o n they w i l l be r e q u i r e d to be a v a i l a b l e to look after sick patients in the sick bay at night.

WUS S C H O L A R S H I P TO G O AHEAD T h e College a n d U n i o n have agreed a means o f g o i n g ahead w i t h a W o r l d U n i v e r s i t y Service scholarship to enable a T h i r d W o r l d student to study at the College.

T h e y w i l l replace the three agency nurses h i r e d by the H e a l t h C e n t r e , m a k i n g an a n n u a l saving of ÂŁ9000. T h e nurses w i l l come from the B r o m p t o n H o s p i t a l .

T h e change w i l l m e a n that students i n the halls of residence w i l l n o longer be able to c a l l a College is to find the money C o l l e g e nurse if they are sick at initially b u t the U n i o n is t o night but w i l l have to c a l l a l a u n c h an a p p e a l next term to pay doctor. the money back to College. MESS MUST G O T h e U n i o n w i l l have to raise It is r u m o u r e d that R o g e r jÂŁ2000 w h i c h they hope to raise ' T i d y ' Stotesbury, I C U Secretary from students d u r i n g registration elect, is to be seconded to the and from a c a d e m i c staff b y R o y a l C o l l e g e o f Science U n i o n donations o r covenants. T h e to tidy up their U n i o n Office. U n i o n raised ÂŁ500 for W U S last T h i s course of a c t i o n has been O c t o b e r by a s k i n g students to suggested b y U n i o n President give 50p each. M a r y Attenborough following W U S already runs schemes for c o m p l a i n t s from C o l l e g e about overseas students at other British the mess w h i c h c a n be seen from universities a n d w i l l a d d the the r o a d . T h e office is close to the I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e scholarship to College's S u m m e r A c c o m o d a t i o n their list o f places advertised i n C e n t r e office a n d C o l l e g e fear Third W o r l d countries. T h e that the s u m m e r visitors w i l l get a R e c t o r a n d U n i o n w i l l have the poor impression o f I C . final say in selecting the student to O n e o f the promises R o g e r benefit. Stotesbury m a d e d u r i n g his T h e a p p e a l , w h i c h w i l l be election c a m p a i g n was to keep the signed by the R e c t o r a n d the new U n i o n office tidy so it looks like he U n i o n President, C h r i s F o x , is to w i l l have a n early o p p o r t u n i t y to be advertised i n the I C U n i o n prove his w o r t h . Handbook.

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