The Newspaper of Imperial College Union
Founded in 1949
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"No. 618
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r e a l l y
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Friday June 18,1982
Free!
M a g has m a d e a loss (for two years r u n n i n g ? ) the price m a y have to be raised to 50p. If the content is not g o i n g to be i m p r o v e d . T h e n it doesn't deserve a glossy cover, a n d if 50p, it w o n ' t sell as easily, no longer feel it necessary to put f o r w a r d constructive .ideas, such as suggestions for charities, because R a g receives e n o u g h letters from charities, p l e a d i n g for money: a l l they have to do is read t h r o u g h them!
" t t y it a JMj
Letters to the Editor
!
I hope that this i n f o r m a t i o n w i l l have been of some use to M a r y F r e e m a n a n d others.
1,1
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Tours
sincerely
Graeme Shaw Dear Dear
Mark
W i l l you please convey m y thanks to M a r y F r e e m a n for her letter in F E L I X . I ' m a f r a i d it wasn't p a r t i c u l a r l y informative for me personally, but that is because I too was at the meeting, so I knew it a l l already. I d i d n ' t really feel M i s s F r e e m a n ' s account was c o m prehensive e n o u g h , it failed to point out the juicy bits, such as: w h y is the N a t i o n a l Deaf C h i l d r e n ' s Society Rag's m a i n c h a r i t y ? Because the R a g C o m m i t t e e enjoy the kiddies p a r t y a n d they k n o w they can get collection licences if it's for the N D C S (that's how I understood the a r g u ment). F r a n k l y , I find those reasons secondary in the a r g u m e n t ; more i m p o r t a n t , I think, is where the money goes, a n d yes I d i d suggest the money go to a c h a r i t y i n the T h i r d W o r l d , where the same money c a n have a far greater effect. T h e m e t i n g thought that the N D C S was w o r t h w h i l e , b e c a u s e for a m e r e ÂŁ200 someone c a n have his h e a r i n g r e s t o r e d ; b u t for about ÂŁ10 someone i n I n d i a c a n have his sight restored! O t h e r i m p o r t a n t issues d i s c u s s e d w e r e : s h o u l d the R a g M a g have a glossy cover? (This is because it drastically increases the cost of printing.) T h e two reasons given for not c h a n g i n g it were that they w o u l d k e e p b e t t e r , so w e c o u l d show o u r g r a n d c h i l dren! (chuckle, chuckle). S e c o n d l y , people are more likely to b u y a copy if it looks good; but because the R a g
Mark
I see from N i c k M o r t o n ' s letter ( F E L I X 617) that he is a c t i n g true to form. A s soon as he h a d doled out a couple of insults he p r o m p t l y passed the buck; t r u l y the height of i n spired leadership. O f course the H a l l s are not k e e n to be i n v o l v e d i n a c e n t r a l l a u n d r y . T h e y arcp e r f e c t l y h a p p y w i t h the present system; indeed, many r e s i d e n t s f i n d it h a r d to understand how anyone c o u l d come u p w i t h such a shortsighted idea as s c r a p p i n g the l i n e n service. It is not so m u c h myself w h o is concerned about those o t h e r , lazy students; the cleaners i n Southside have expressed their concern about the deterioration in hygiene w h i c h w o u l d result from the r e m o v a l of the l i n e n service. I a m r e l i a b l y informed that as m a n y as t e n p e r c e n t o f r e s i d e n t s c a n n o t e v e n be bothered to strip their beds and leave the d i r t y sheets to be collected for the sake of h a v i n g clean l i n e n , how the supposedly knowledgeable M r M o r t o n can expect them to a c t u a l l y w a s h a n d i r o n their o w n sheets every week is a matte r of pure conjecture. If N i c k c a n ' t l i c k the R e c t o r ' s boots enough to get a job as a m e m b e r of College staff, he ought to a p p l y to the T r e a s u r y , where his apparent t o t a l lack of a c c o u n t i n g k n o w l e d g e w o u l d be w e l l received. If the H a l l s upgrade their present l a u n d r y facilities, considerable c a p i t a l expense w i l l be i n c u r r e d ; M r M o r t o n obviously cannot understand
that this w i l l come out of resident's pockets. A further charge w h i c h he has c o n v e n i ently " f o r g o t t e n " (if he ever thought of it i n the first place) is the cost of residents s u p p l y i n g their o w n sheets, either by h i r i n g t h e m at s u i t a b l y c o m m e r i c a l rates, or c a p i t a l o u t l a y of p u r c h a s i n g them. H e w i l l no doubt c l a i m that students l i v i n g elsewhere have to p r o v i d e there o w n sheets, but so what? Some students live i n bedsits infested w i t h c o c k r o a c h e s , b u t is, N i c k s u g g e s t i n g t h a t v e r m i n be i n t r o d u c e d to Southside just so that everyone is equal? A p a r t from the extra costs m e n t i o n e d above, there is the very i m p o r t a n t consideration of time a n d inconvenience. W e are supposedly here to get an e d u c a t i o n , not to wash sheets. N o one i n their right m i n d (this c l e a r l y doesn't include M r M o r t o n ) can honestly believe that w a s h i n g a n d i r o n i n g a p a i r of sheets a week takes no time at a l l . T h e r e are more i m p o r t a n t things i n a student's life t h a n money, M r M o r t o n , a n d the extra effort a n d i n c o n v e n i ence are not- w o r t h the cost of a p i n t of shandy each week. In answer to his final point: representatives ol the residents of Southside were w a i t i n g to c h a l l e n g e the P r e s i d e n t ' s report at the U G M a n d A G M w h e n those w h i m p s from Soc Soc, w ho seem to care little for the U n i o n t h a t funds them, brought the meeting to a close. Jaspe r P S : I hope that you were concerned about student opinion d u r i n g y o u r " h o l i d a y " in Ireland. Dear
Mark
Everyone's always w r i t i n g to you about M o r t o n ' s cockups. W e l l , after m u c h i n depth research I can now reveal to y o u r readership that this is just the area where he has f a i l e d , this y e a r . M y suspicions were first aroused at the time of the attack of g e r m a n measles. M s L i n d s a y was across from I r e l a n d at the time, being seemingly w o u n d a r o u n d M r M o r t o n at a l l possible times. Y e t she failed to contract the dread disease. Perhaps the p r o x i m i t y was not so great?
FELIX, June 18, 1982
B e i n g thus sorrowed i n love M r M o r t o n turns to pastures new. I must a d m i t it was a stroke of genius p e r s u a d i n g M r M c C a b e to resign s i m p l y so that she'd always be where M r M o r t o n c o u l d easily reach her ( M s T e l l e r of course), a n d all seemed to be going w e l l u n t i l the startling truth was revealed w i t h i n the pages of this very newspaper. In F E L I X 616 the two stated they were " n o t opposed to sex i n p r i n c i p l e " , suggesting that i n practice it was just not going on! In desperation we see M r M o r t o n r u n n i n g back to his old love. B u t even after a week i n Belfast he returns rosy cheeked a n d wide awake! B a d luck N i c k ! Tours,
hoping for
improvement next year
Nick Pyne
Dear
Sir
As this academic year draws to a close I w o u l d like to pay tribute to someone w ho has done so m u c h to e n r i c h a l l our lives here a n d i n d o i n g so has become one of the best loved C o l l e g e personalities. I refer, of course, to the F E L I X Editor M a r k Smith. H i s j o u r n a l i s t i c t a l e n t is such that he has been able to move us to tears of laughter or of o u t r a g e w i t h a single apposite sentence. H i s pen has become a mighty sword s c y t h i n g the s e l f - i m p o r t a n t d o w n to size a n d p u n c t u r i n g the pompous. H i s quicksilver wit has made F r i d a y mornings a time ol laughter a n d h a p p i ness w i t h stall a n d students j o i n i n g together i n shedding tears of m i r t h . Y e t between the lines we can glimpse the massive intellect w h i c h lies b e h i n d the p r i n t , the m a n whose editorials make B e r n a r d L e v i n seem a m a teurish a n d confused. M a r k S m i t h a n d first class j o u r n a lism, the two are synonymous. O n this occasion I feel it only right that I should now reveal m y true identity to the w o r l d . It is: H e r R o y a l Highness Queen Victoria B u c k i n g h a m Palac e London G a l a c t i c Sector 7 Tours
Cossar
Lindley weighs anchor Captain John William Garbutt Lindley RN is to voluntarily retire at Christmas. T h e C a p t a i n boarded H M S S h e r l i e l d on M o n d a y , N o v e m b e r 24, 1975 to take on the n e w l y created post of D o m e s t i c Secret a r y , w h o is in o v e r a l l charge of B o o k i n g s , Refectories, H a l l s of Residence and Security. He previously had a long and d i s t i n g u i s h e d career w i t h the R o y a l N a v y â&#x20AC;&#x201D; h e rose to the r a n k of C a p t a i n a n d was a N a v a l A i d e - d e - c a m p to the Q u e e n . H e was C o m m a n d e r of H M S C o c h r a n e , u s u a l l y k n o w n as t h e Fleet A c c o m m o d a t i o n C e n t r e of R o s y t h N a v a l Base.
in heroic record
T h e C a p t a i n was w e l b k n o w n for his n u m e r a c y , but w h e n asked how m a n y times he h a d a p p e a r e d i n F E L I X he said " I d o n ' t k n o w , I d o n ' t stand a n d count ' e m , a n d it's not u p to me to count t h e m either....but there were q u i t e a l o t . " C a p t a i n L i n d l e y is not 65.
Dispute
smash bid! I C R a d i o disc-jockey Jeremy 'Jasper' N u n n s collapsed on S u n d a y , J u n e 6, w h i l e a t t e m p t i n g to set a n e w r e c o r d for a single continuous professional radio show. J a s p e r started his p r o g r a m m e at 4 : 0 0 p m o n F r i d a y , J u n e 4, at the I C R a d i o S t u d i o b e l o w
Southside a n d lasted almost f o r t y - t h r e e h o u r s ; the r e c o r d still stands at forty-eight a n d a h a l f hours. F o r t u n a t e l y for J a s p e r Station M a n a g e r Dave former F u l l e r was present to rush h i m to St. Stephens H o s p i t a l but he was released later that evening. T h e collapse is t h o u g h t to have been caused by J a s p e r d r i n k i n g too m u c h coffee a n d not e a t i n g e n o u g h solid food. T h e , present S t a t i o n M a n a g e r N e i l Sykes w o u l d like to t h a n k a l l those students f r o m the H a l l s of R e s i d e n c e w h o h e l p e d d u r i n g the r e c o r d attempt.
METROPOLITAN POLICE
L a b o r a t o r y T e c h n i c i a n s have been p i c k e t i n g entrances to I C since last T h u r s d a y in support of a n a t i o n a l pay a n d c o n d i t i o n s c l a i m . Last week some gates were m a n n e d f r o m 9 : 0 0 a m to 5 : 0 0 p m i n a n attempt to stop supplies r e a c h i n g C o l l e g e . T h i s week pickets have been on d u t y from 7:00am to 6 : 0 0 p m at more entrances. T h e I C dispute is part oPa n a t i o n a l c a m p a i g n . T h e technicians want a 12% wage increase, a r e d u c t i o n of 2'/._, hours i n the week to 35 hours, a n d three days more a n n u a l leave. T h e y have been offered 4% for those over 21 a n d 0% for trainees. T h e n a t i o n a l n e g o t i a t i n g body r e c o m m e n d e d selective strike a c t i o n ol not less t h a n 3 hours per week a n d this has been given a " g u e r i l l a ' i n t e r p r e t a t i o n here by the A s s o c i a t i o n of Scientific T e c h n i c a l a n d M a n g e r i a l S t a l l ' ( A S T M S ) w h o represent the I C lab technicians. T h i s a c t i o n w i l l c o n t i n u e u n t i l the dispute is settled. M r I a n F r e n c h , I C A S T M S B r a n c h C h a i r m a n , said that the picket h a d been " i n c r e d i b l y successful" w i t h 75% of goods t u r n e d back. A f t e r a d e p u t a t i o n went to the post office workers they agreed not to cross picket lines or m a k e deliveries of m a i l outside their n o r m a l hours A S T M S member s w h o are not lab technicians c a n choose w h e t h e r or not to take part in the a c t i o n . M r F r e n c h a d d e d that the a i m of the a c t i o n was to influence C o l l e g e a d m i n i s t r a t o r s to support t h e i r c l a i m at n a t i o n a l level. H o w e v e r the C o l l e g e have said that they do not believe it is in their interest to m a k e their views k n o w n p u b l i c l y as it m i g h t c o m p r o m i s e their side of the negotiating committee. II the dispute d r a g g e d o n , he s a i d , then u n f o r t u n a t e l y it w o u l d be h a r d not to effect students, . a l o n g w i t h the refectories a n d general deliveries. A S T M S realised that their strongest w e a p o n against C o l l e g e was to d i s r u p t e e x a m i n a t i o n s , but have refrained from d o i n g so. Effects o f the dispute h a v e a l r e a d y been felt. D e l i v i r i e s of beer to the H o l l a n d C l u b were stopped on the lirst m o r n i n g . L i q u i d nitrogen supplies were d r y i n g up. T h i s m i g h t adversely alfect c h e m i c a l plant w h i c h w o u l d be i n c l i n e d to blow u p if not kept cool. L a s t T h u r s d a y technicians p i c k e t e d a m e e t i n g of F r e n c h U n i v e r s i t y P r i n c i p a l s at 170 Queensgate. M r F r e n c h t o l d F E L I X that the dispute m i g h t last u n t i l at least J u l y 1. T h a t date was chosen by the employers to discuss c o n c i l i a t i o n w i t h ACAS. M r D a v i d s o n , P e r s o n n e l Secretary, was u n a v a i l a b l e for
D r B r i a n L e v i t t , the n e w M a y o r of K e n s i n g t o n a n d C h e l s e a , has soon l a n d e d i n hot w a t e r f o l l o w i n g the d e m o l i t i o n of the o l d K e n s i n g t o n T o w n H a l l last F r i d a y . T h e G r e a t e r L o n d o n C o u n c i l are furious that his T o r y c o u n c i l d e c i d e d to d e m o l i s h the 105 y e a r - o l d b u i l d i n g a n d i n t e n d to take legal a c t i o n i f possible. K e n s i n g t o n a n d C h e l s e a C o u n c i l say that the r e d e v e l o p m e n t of the site w i l l b r i n g i n revenue of four to five m i l l i o n p o u n d s , but a c c o r d i n g to The Times Diary ( M o n d a y , J u n e 16) the C o u n c i l seem to have forgotten that they h a d a l r e a d y given p l a n n i n g p e r m i s s i o n for a c o n v e r s i o n of the o l d b u i l d i n g . T h e present d e v e l o p m e n t w i l l result i n a loss o f 1 1 , 0 0 0 s q u a r e feet o f f l o o r s p a c e â&#x20AC;&#x201D; w o r t h about three m i l l i o n pounds at present prices. So the o l d scheme w o u l d have been m o r e profitable w i t h o u t k n o c k i n g the b u i l d i n g d o w n !
Jasper collapses
H i s activities at I C went v i r t u a l l y u n n o t i c e d by F E L I X u n t i l the s u m m e r o f 1 9 8 0 w h e n he s u d d e n l y c a m e i n t o t h e l i m e l i g h t . T h r o u g h o u t that year he m a d e n u m e r o u s appearances a n d it b e c a m e c l e a r that the C a p t a i n was not the m o d e l of efficiency a n d d i p l o m a c y w e h a d expected.
ASTMS
Piggy brings the house down!
comment
Appeal for Assistance
MURDER
On Tuesday, June 1, about 1pm, Lady EDITH ROBERTSON was attacked at ERESSY HOUSE, RUTLAND GATE. She died later. Lady Robertson was 80,5ft 3ins and plump with grey hair. She was wearing a blue two-piece suit, blue shoes, and carried a large blue handbag. She walked very slowly with stooped shoulders. Shortly after the attack a lady was seen comforting the victim at the rear entrance to ERESBY HOUSE at MONTPELIER WALK. This lady was middle-aged, wearing a lightweight summer dress and carrying shopping bags.
E O It is essential Police speak to her. She may have vital information.
Please contact
R :
All information treated as strictly confidential
FELIX, June 18, 1982
were r a n s a c k e d a n d their village filled with leaky n a p a l m bombs a n d unstable a m m o dumps. T h e i r reception ' of the Paras clearly shows w h i c h option they preferred. Not forgetting the people who are incarcerated i n the detention camp at F o x Bay.
Dear Sir
I was flabbergasted w i t h the t w o letters published last week concerning the F a l k la,nds. I c o u l d t a k e t h e i r pathetic a n d unconsidered arguments apart, one by one. H o w e v e r , I w i l l not waste your time or mine i n d o i n g so as, unlike M r S h a w , I do not underestimate the intelligence of I C students a n d know that t h e y w i l l see t h e s t r a i g h t through the left w i n g shit that pours from his mou th without a moment's thought.
W h i l s t I agree w i t h both of , t h e m , a n d t h e P o p e , that a r m e d conflict is no w a y to : settle disputes, I must r e m i n d t h e m t h a t it t a k e s two to negotiate, but only one to start lighting (and they started). W e have been n e g o t i a t i n g w i t h A r g e n t i n a for m a n y years, w h i c h is hardly "always refusing" is it Fiona? W e have also been trying to negotiate (plus the imposition ol sanctions) since before the A r g e n t i n i a n i n v a s i o n took place (Resolution " 5 0 2 " was passed before A p r i l 2) to ask them to leave. H a v e they left? N o they haven't, a n d have continued to build up in the mean time: flouting " 5 0 2 " for the past two months. Both cite the case of N o r thern Ireland and the people who wish to be part of the R e p u b l i c , they both forget that the majority of Ulster's p o p u l a t i o n , as do a l l (but one) of the Falklanders, wish to remain British. T h e y should not be ignored either.
A u s t r i a , Czechoslavakia a n d Poland. F i n a l l y , it is worth noting that the F a l k l a n ds prior to A p r i l 2 were comparatively undefended. A r g e n t i n a m a r ched i n with 10,000 troops as opposed to 30 marines a n d 1,800 inhabitants. T h i s must surely explode the m y t h that just because a place is u n defended then nobody w i l l attack it. T h i s , as has W W 2 , and many other conflicts t h r o u g h o u t h i s t o r y , shows that the opposite is true: If you're undefended, and s o m e o n e w a n t s to i n v a d e , they w i l l do so. His tory has also shown that y o u can talk till you're blue i n the face, but the invader w i l l not leave. T h i s does not mean, however, that y o u mustn't try, there is always hope. But in the end i f they w i l l not leave after being "spoken to n i c e l y " they must be " s h o w n the d o o r " , and i n no uncertain terms if necessary. Phil M e r r y m a n Dear Sir
Has Margaret Thatcher not yet r e a l i s e d t h a t she w o u l d have saved a lot ol time by " n u k i n g " the " F a l v i n a s " oil the bloody map in the first place? T h i s w o u l d have resolved Tours sincerely the tricky problem ol h a n d i n g Paul Simion the F a l k l a n ds over to A r g e n Just because the U K m a y tina without popular uproar Dear Mark have been less than perfect i n a problem that has baffled O r s h o u l d I say " D e a r past doesn't give A r g e n t i n a the successive British governments F i o n a a n d G r a e m e " as I a m right to walk into any territory over the years. It w o u l d also, a d d r e s s i n g this m a i n l y to they desire (including parts of I understand, have saved the them, re their letters of issue Chile a n d Antartica). But, lives o f m a n y m o r e " f i r s t 617. Both obviously disagree w h i l e on the subject of class" British citizens than w i t h o u r liberation of the empires, man y of the C o m what has n o w ensued. F a l k l a n d Islands. I won't go m o n w e a l t h of N a t i o n s a r e Of course she w o u l d still into the history yet again, but b a c k i n g o u r sanctions, whilst have to think of a way ot w o u l d like to make a few o t h e r s r e m a i n n e u t r a l . So h i d i n g her disastrous home points. whilst our empire m a y have and economic policy but I ' m I must assume that both not been perfect, many w h o sure J o h n Nott or L a d y D i l e t t e r s w e r e w r i t t e n before were part of it do not wish to can come u p with another Goose G r e e n and D a r w i n had d i s s o c i a t e f r o m u s , so w e brilliant plan. been liberated but, even so, I can't be a l l b a d . T o finish, had she done this must take exception to G r a e m e I ' m sure we a l l realise the It is not hypocrisy to feel Shaw's questions. w o r l d w o u l d h a v e been a s o r r y f o r those, a n d t h e i r " C o u l d n ' t the Falklanders m u c h S a l t e r place with people relatives w h o have died. have suffered the presence of l i v i n g i n mutant harmony. N o b o d y i n their right m i n d the A r g e n t i n i a n troops for a A n y w a y the F r e n c h diswants a w a r , but there arc couple of months while covered the stupid things so cases where it m a y be the negotiations were in progress? "rendaere Caesare quae sunt lesser of many evils. If blatant Surely it w o u l d be less inconCaesaris", (mispelt), what? annexation of territory a n d venient for them than a w a r ? " Tours o p p r e s s i o n of p e o p l e , is I suggest he puts those same B Durodie a l l o w e d to proceed unrestwo questions to the i n h a b i Physics 2 trained, there is n o k n o w i n g tants of the above settlements, w ho h a d been locked up for where it w i l l end u p . T h e P S : M a y b e P a u l H o l t ' c o u l d sit o n a c r u i s e a n d shout Second W o r l d W a r started by over a m o n t h , one of them i n " R u l e B r i t t a n i a " as it lands. H i t l e r getting away with shackles, while their homes FELIX, June 18, 1982
Small Ads Pentax KM SLR camera with f 1.4 standard lens and c a s e , as new, £ 8 5 C o n t a c t S , M a r s h a l l , c / o F E L I X Office. • S a m Smith's beers at 50p per pint first hour of T u e s d a y a n d T h u r s d a y evening sessions. • F r e s h e r s Fair f o r m s a r e d u e in T O D A Y . Failure to p r o d u c e y o u r form may result in y o u r c l u b not getting a place. S e e U n i o n Office for details. •Stones: A n y o n e want to s w a p Friday tickets for S a t u r d a y o n e s . T h r e e available. T h o m a s A n d e r s o n , R m 96 Beit H a l l , internal 2799, ext 589-5111 ext 2156. •There was a young student of fame M i s s D e b o r a h C o o p e r by name She was fond of her drink Not s c a r e d of a wink In fact totally l a c k i n g in s h a m e • T h e r e was an old pustule called Zit W h o was totally l a c k i n g in wit His face, s o repulsive C a u s e d retching c o n v u l s i v e In a n y o n e l o o k i n g at it. • G o o d luck for t h e f u t u r e , S t e v e . A n n e g r e t , G r a h a m , C h r i s a n d everyo n e w h o ' s leaving from, W L C — t h a n k s for e v e r y t h i n g y o u ' v e d o n e — 8 2 / 3 committee. •Futile Hurling & H o t h o u s e S p e c i e s , S u n d a y , J u l y 4, 101 C l u b , C l a p h a m , 8pm, H a l f - p r i c e tickets available from IC U n i o n Office. •Voluntary work in visiting a h o m e for the elderly d i s a b l e d if y o u are staying in L o n d o n in s u m m e r . C o n t a c t M i k e See, C h e m E n g P G , int 2027. • A l l students h o p i n g to have parking s p a c e s d u r i n g the s u m m e r vacation s h o u l d go to S h e r f i e l d S e c u r i t y and obtain a t e m p o r a r y p a r k i n g s p a c e allocation. •Medic-Alert bracelet for diabetes, serial no. G B 9 7 2 9 0 , has been f o u n d a n d is now in the Lost P r o p e r t y Office, Sherfield. •Watch pens: date, time, s e c o n d s , parker refill. Ideal presents. O n l y £ 5 . A p p l y Dave T h r o w e r , M e c h E n g letterracks or 215 Hamlet G d n s , 741-7095. • S q u a s h rackets: C l a s s i c 003, £ 1 2 e a . C o n t a c t D V M o l e s w o r t h , 370-1817 via R S M l e t t e r - r a c k s or s p o r t s c e n t r e squash club noticeboard. • T e c h n i c s SU8022K amplifier, 35w, tape-to-tape, etc., £ 7 5 or nearest. S a n s u i T60 tuner F M / A M £ 4 0 or nearest. B o t h in very g o o d c o n d i t i o n and b o x e d . Dave P o l e y , M E 3 , •Wharfdale Linton XP2 loudspeakers, good condition, can demonstrate, £ 4 5 o n o . K. L a n g r i d g e , P h y s i c s U G letter-racks. • H e l p wanted: £ 1 . 7 0 per hour negotiable, decorating, mostly painting: evenings and weekends. Contact internal 2884, or S h e r f i e l d 546b, M s M. Evers. • Y o u r last chance: T h e R a g M a g sets sail next week. C o p y , etc. to F E L I X Office. •23rd June, S . J . H . h a p p y birtday, E.S.K. •Weeks Hall are p r o u d to a n n o u n c e that the S u b - W a r d e n is f u n c t i o n i n g at time of writing: but n o r m a l s e r v i c e is e x p e c t e d to be r e s u m e d before g o i n g to press. • E x p e r i e n c e d washer-up r e q u i r e s summer job. Apply Tim Wilkins, P h y s i c s 1. •Landing occupant for sale (house trained), £ 1 0 o n o c o m p l e t e with red trousers and interpreter. Apply Linstead Hall. • G r e y morning suit for hire, suitable large g e n t l e m a n , small family or entire North Korean World Cup squad. (Includes h i d e o u s gloves). C o n t a c t R o g e r on 358-9960. •Wanted: large quantity of p e n i c i l l i n . Write to M, M e c h E n g U G . • A v a i l a b l e now: l i f e i n s u r a n c e f o r yetis. C o m p e t i t i v e rates. C . Fuller, RCSU. • D o g found ( p r e s u m a b l y a pet): large, ugly, lazy a n d unpleasant. A n s w e r s to n a m e of " N i s m o " . W o u l d o w n e r please collect. P h o n e 385-9609.
FELIX gets through a great deal of news in a year but rarely follows any of it up as "what happened then" is seldom newsworthy. "Bull terrier goes missing!" will always be more interesting than "Bull terrier found!" (Mind you, it depends where you find the bull terrier and who it belongs to!) However, on this occasion, just to abate your insatiable curiosity, FELIX will break with tradition to follow up some of this year's stories that actually have a follow-up. Taken chronologically F r o m F E L I X August 7
F r o m F E L I X N o v 13 & F e b 12
C l e m , a yellow a n d black c o m m e r c i a l lorry, the M i n e s motorised m a s c o t , is still i n bits in the garage, despite optimistic reports that it w o u l d be b a c k o n the r o a d b y C h r i s t m a s .
Th at "awfully e m b a r r a s s i n g refectory flat" has not been c o n v e r t e d to U n i o n showers o r a c c o m m o d a t i o n , as p r o p o s e d by J o h n S m i t h C B E , the C o l l e g e S e c r e t a r y . M r S m i t h h a s swept the matter under the carpet a n d the flat is still as empty as it has been for the past six years.
F r o m F E L I X August 7 T h e Westfield College penguin mascot stolen by B a r n e y M c C a b e has not yet been returned to its rightful o w n e r s . S h o r t l y after its theft, it " w e n t m i s s i n g " f r o m ' the I C U n i o n Office. Westfield College have not requested its r e t u r n . M y s t e r y s u r r o u n d s the whereabouts of the mascot. From FELIX October 5 The partition erected over the summer v a c a t i o n by the t h e n D e p u t y President, B a r n e y M c C a b e , w h i c h c a u s e d raised e y e b r o w s du e to its ÂŁ2,000 price-tag, is t o be d e m o l i s h e d over the c o m i n g s u m m e r vacation. P r o o f that what goes up must c o m e d o w n .
F r o m F E L I X N o v 20, D e c 4 & J a n 22 T h e p r o p o s e d merger between I C a n d Q u e e n E l i z a b e t h C o l l e g e is n o w most definitely off. It was learnt last week that in fact K i n g s C o l l e g e is t o merge with Q E C .
T h e decision t o ban all R a g collections for fear of p r o s e c u t i o n as I C U d o not have any street c o l l e c t i o n licences still holds. T h e R a g C o m m i t t e e have still n o t man age d to obtain any licences a n d it seems unlikely any will be available for next year.
I ' R O V E R S Y
I N E D U l
C o l l e g e
T h e R a g C o m m i t t e e ' s p r o p o s a l to change the constitution to require proofs of the R a g M a g to be a p p r o v e d by m e m b e r s of the U n i o n E x e c u t i v e has been passed. T h i s is in order to avoid motions to b a n the R a g M a g ' s distribution p r o p o s e d by s o m e sections of the student c o m m u n i t y w h o strongly disapprove of the magazine's contents, as h appe n e d this year resulting i n only o ne third of the 10,000 Rag M a g s being sold. R a g C o m m i t t e e ' s i n c o m p e t a n c e i n selling it w h e n the b a n w a s lifted is also a major contributing factor to the p o o r sales. T h e R a g C o m m i t t e e are taking the defeatest attitude of considering printing only 5,000 R a g M a g s n e x t year as o p p o s e d to attempting to i m p r o v e their o w n sales efficiency.
T h e lunchtime lecture p r o g r a m organised by the H u m a n i t i e s D e p a r t m e n t h a s been saved from the axe. L e c t u r e s will c o n t i n u e as n o r m a l next session; the H . G . W e l l s S o c i e t y will be presenting three of the lectures after a k i n d invitation from J o h n Thole, the lecture p r o g r a m organiser. T h e three U n i o n lectures are entitled: (1) S e x ; (2) D r u g s ; (3) R o c k ' n ' R o l l . F r o m F E L I X J a n u a r y 22 T h e C o l l e g e has t a k e n over c o n t r o l of the University of L o n d o n nuclear r e a c t o r , situated at S i l w o o d P a r k . T h i s w a s a r e c o m m e n d a t i o n of t h e S w i n n e r t o n - D y e r R e p o r t o n t h e reorganisation of the U n i v e r s i t y of L o n d o n .
T h e thief w h o stole m o n e y f r o m gas meters in several College flats in L e x h a m G a r d e n s has never been apprehended. F r o m F E L I X F e b r u a r y 12 T h e " S u p p l i e s to P o l a n d " organisation formed in C o l l e g e has b e c o m e the non-event of the year. A f t e r initial e n t h u s i a s m from many people including the R e c t o r L o r d F l o w e r s , the project eventually fizzled out. P e r h a p s a mite too ambitious. F r o m F E L I X F e b r u a r y 19
t o
t a k e Brlxlti out o t n Wi I corroctii studenT
b l a c k s w i t h o u t
From the Daily Mail, Monday
It will c o m e as n o surprise t o learn that S T O I C C a m e r a m a n G l y n G a r s i d e of Elec E n g 2 failed by m a m m o t h p r o p o r t i o n s t o b e elected as L a b o u r candidate for the K n i g h t s b r i d g e w a r d in the L o n d o n B o r o u g h elections o n M a y 6. F r o m F E L I X A p r i l 30
A - l e v e l s C o l l e g e Is tierce w i t h a b o u t s t u d e n t s c h a s i n g every place.
eight They
From FELIX October 9 T h e antique lamps stolen from the C i t y & G u i l d s m o t o r i s e d mascot B o have never been found. Insurance h a s been c l a i m e d b u t the lamps are unfortunately irreplaceable. F r o m F E L I X O c t o b e r 23
F r o m F E L I X J a n u a r y 22
F r o m F E L I X February 5
F r o m F E L I X N o v e m b e r 27
From FELIX October 5 T h e w o o d e n platform a n d scaffolding erected outside W e e k s Hall t o protect passers-by from falling m a s o n r y is still evident. N o action has b e e n t a k e n o r is p l a n n e d b y t h e C o l l e g e Estates section responsible for the upkeep of Halls of Residence. Tiles a n d c o n c r e t e are still falling from the higher parts of W e e k s H a l l , w h i c h w a s evacuated for a long period several years ago as the high-alumina cement of w h i c h it is c o n s t r u c t e d was passing t h r o u g h its most dangerous phase. H o w e v e r , despite the falling tiles, W e e k s Hall is thought to be safe.
F r o m F E L I X , J a n u a r y 15 " F o r G o d ' s sake grow u p , " D r P a u l J o w i t t was urged b y F E L I X for his pettiness in requesting his student S o u t h s i d e P e n t h o u s e neighbours to use the stairs instead of the awfully noisy lift. D r J o w i t t has still n o t g r o w n u p .
November
30 1981.
From F E L I X December 4 Imperial C o l l e g e is not going " t o take blacks without A L e v e l s " a n y m o r e . T h e Daily Mail d e v o t e d considerable space to t h e decision of the C o l l e g e t o s h o w positive discrimination towards underprivileged ethnic minorities as called for in the S c a r m a n R e p o r t . T h e College has recently quietly shelved the s c h e m e . Peter M e e , the College Registrar, has pointed out the obvious difficulties that w o u l d be faced by s u c h students w h o l a c k e d a g o o d grounding in science. T h e s c h e m e might have w o r k e d for A r t s students, he a d d e d , but science a n d engineering is t o o demanding. T h i s begs the question as t o why the C o l l e g e ever decided to take students without A L e v e l s in the first place. T o k e n s u p p o r t for t h e S c a r m a n R e p o r t for cheap publicity, later to be abandoned when S c a r m a n was forgotten, perhaps?
FELIX, June 16,1982
T h e s c h e m e to a d d ÂŁ10 to every H a l l resident's bill i n order t o support t h e S i c k B a y h a s floundered. N o m e t h o d of raising t h e ÂŁ17,000 per a n n u m r e q u i r e d to keep the S i c k B a y o p e n has been agreed u p o n . T h e S i c k B a y looks to remain in a healthy state next year but faces an uncertain future the year after. From FELIX May 7 N o w o r d h a s been h e a r d of t h e I C U n i o n mascot, M i k e , a large 1701b m i c r o m e t e r , since its theft o n M a y 6. N o r a n s o m demands from other colleges have been received. If M i k e is not f o u n d by the e n d of this t e r m the incident will be r e p o r t e d t o the P o l i c e as a theft, even though the mascot is " v i o l a t e " , meaning it is intended to be stolen. B u t w h o w o u l d want a large m i c r o m e t e r ? F r o m F E L I X M a y 21 The controversial scheme to house t w o students in what a r e presently W e e k s H a l l single r o o m s has been s c r a p p e d . T h a t ' s all, folks! P e r h a p s y o u c a n see w h y most stories are never followed u p .
REVIEW O F T H E Y E A R
FAIRLY EVENTFUL YEA IC UNION CAUGHT NAPPING! If the powers that be intended 1981/2 to be a good year at IC they certainly made a very poor start. Union officers and College employees alike made a series of errors in the romantic, patriotic and riottorn summer that created extra work for themselves, hardship for some, and a source of amusement or indignation for many others. Hall Hell One of the most trouble-ridden aspects of C o l l e g e life this y e a r has been the postgraduate Hall of Residence in Montpelier Street. Purchased last August the Hall suffered from poor heating and lack of cooking facilities and communal areas. The latter was particularly important in view of the small size of the rooms. Although residents received a rent rebate of £20, they were paying the highest rents (£23pw) for College residence at the time and since then a serious case of dry rot has set in, which will cost at least £16,000 to repair, in addition to the discomfort the repair will cause. The residents were also shabbily treated by the Union President N i c k M o r t o n who on two separate occasions was reticent to support their complaints after they had written to Student Services. Personal
Attacks
Two publications edited over the summer put the Union in a lot of trouble when Nick Morton read the pasteups but "failed to notice" some of the more controversial articles. The I C U Handbook had originally c o n t a i n e d v i c i o u s p e r s o n a l a t t a c k s on Victor Mooney and Captain Lindley, but t h e s e w e r e r e m o v e d at the p r i n t e r s . However the Rag M a g was published iri its original form and dominated Union General Meetings in the autumn term (and kept them quorate). Originally City & Guilds Union refused to sell the magazine because they objected to some of the jokes. I C U Council then passed a motion restricting its sale to IC students, who later voted to totally ban the magazine. Unfortunatelyw h e n this d e c i s i o n was r e v e r s e d in December, street collecting licences had not been o b t a i n e d , the R a g C h a i r m a n resigned, and with the exception of the Rag Fete, Rag activity stopped for the year. The notorious partition in the Lower Lounge was built during the summer and was part of a £2,500 redecoration scheme which included recarpeting the Lounge. The partition was the idea of former Deputy President Barney M c C a b e and met with widespread opposition for a number of r e a s o n s . T h e s e i n c l u d e d the c o s t , the reduced floor space, the lack of consultation with the appropriate Union committees and
Guess what, folks? Yes, it's that Hall! Photo:
the increased opportunities for vandalising the games machines, which were to be kept behind the partition. Resignation Mr M c C a b e was to meet with further c r i t i c i s m d u r i n g h i s t i m e as D e p u t y President because of his "laziness" and nonchalant attitude towards his work. This resulted in motions of censure at both C o u n c i l and a U n i o n G e n e r a l M e e t i n g before it became obvious that the games machines were running at a large loss. This and the low turnover from the Southside Shop led to his resignation and replacement by Christine Teller.
Jane
Williams.
Violation In the first week of the session four brass lamps, worth £500 were stolen from Guilds inviolate mascot Bo. In M a r c h Guilds had to r e t r i e v e t h e i r v i o l a t e m a s c o t s Spanner and Bolt, after they had been stolen by R C S seven weeks previously. R C S also violated Reggie (Kings College) and Mary (Queen Mary College) while their motorised mascot Jez appeared on Blue Peter and on German television. Mike, the mascot of I C U , was stolen from the Union Office in May after being left t h e r e by N i c k M o r t o n a n d H o n o r a r y Secretary Marco Ledwold in an alcoholic daze. Since a ransom note has not been received the matter may be reported to the Police. Celebration
Rag Mag Editor Patrick motion of his own.
Coll passes
a
1981 was also the centenary of the Royal College of Science. The fortnight of events in November included lectures by Nobel Laureate Lord Todd (Chemistry Past and Present), Prof G . J . Whitrow (Personalities and Achievements in R C S ) and Prof B.S. Hartley ( R C S leading into Biotechnology). The guest at the Centenary Dinner and Ball was Prof Sir Andrew Huxley, President of the Royal Society and N o b e l Laureate. There was also an exhibition of College archives material organised by M r s Pingree, the College archivist. Soon after the centenary celebrations had ended a w o r k i n g party e x a m i n i n g the possibility of a merger between IC and Queen Elizabeth College reported that the colleges should form "an association with the intent of a merger at a later date".
policy was passed. M o t i o n s were only" p a s s e d in the first t e r m a n d these i n c l u d e d motions on government cuts, Iranian s t u d e n t s a n d P r i n c e s s A n n e , as well as the Rag M a g motions. A motion proposing a r e f e r e n d u m o n re-affiliation to the N a t i o n a l U n i o n of S t u d e n t s w a s defeated. T h e R e s u l t s U G M in M a r c h w a s the most c o n f u s i n g , a n d at times f a r c i c a l , m e e t i n g of t h e year. T h e v o c i f e r o u s m e e t i n g refused to ratify S t e v e G o u l d e r ' s e l e c t i o n as P r e s i d e n t and v o t e d to r e - r u n all four sabbatical elections. H o w e v e r after the meeting R e t u r n i n g Officer M a r c o L e d w o l d d e c i d e d that the g r o u n d s of the objections were i n v a l i d u n d e r the c o n s t i t u t i o n a n d he r e f u s e d to r e - r u n the e l e c t i o n . A n Emergency G e n e r a l Meeting two weeks later ratified all the e l e c t i o n s .
H o w e v e r the draft p r o p o s a l s p r o v e d unacceptable to IC's Board of Studies so the merger was called off. J u s t befor e C h r i s t m a s the I m p e r i a l College University Challenge team travelled to Manchester where they beat New Hall, C a m b r i d g e . T h e y followed this with a comfortable victory over Aberdeen and just defeated Reading before falling to S t . Andrews in the quarterfinals. T h e team's success was one of the most unexpected and pleasing aspects of the past year.
Television In addition to appearing on Blue Peter and University Challenge, the Union also m a d e a n O p e n D o o r p r o g r a m m e for B B C 2 . T h e p r o g r a m m e highlighted the difficulties e n c o u n t e r e d b y o v e r s e a s students when forced to pay full economic fees. Several well-known television personalities a p p e a r e d at c o l l e g e this y e a r , including Prof. H e i n z Wolffe a n d J i m Francis (who created the special effects for T h e H i t c h h i k e r ' s G u i d e T o T h e G a l a x y ) , b o t h of w h o m s p o k e to the newly reformed H G Wells Society. S T O I C interviewed a number of film celebrities, including Timothy Hutton, star of Taps and Ordinary People, and Jean-Jacques Annaud, director of Quest F o r Fire. S e v e r a l leading politicians s p o k e at C o l l e g e this year. M o s t were f r o m the Conservative Party including William Whitelaw, Norman Tebbit and Sir Keith Joseph. Dr David Owen (SDP) and Neil Kinnock (Labour) also spoke. A l l of t h e s e s p e a k e r s s t r e s s e d that universities cannot depend entirely on the government for their finance and suggested closer collaboration with industry. College had already realised this in M a r c h when they set up Imperial B i o technology Ltd. The company was set up to exploit the commercial potential of the biotechnology pilot plant in the Biochemistry department.
T h e other successful candidates were Phil G r e e n s t r e e t ( D e p u t y P r e s i d e n t ) , M a r y F r e e m a n ( H o n Sec) and M a r t i n S. Taylor ( F E L I X Editor). Shut that door!
Residence Although the penthouse flats in S o u t h s i d e were finally let o u t to s t u d e n t s in J a n u a r y a n u m b e r of o t h e r C o l l e g e - o w n e d f l a t s , notably the refectory flat i n t h e U n i o n Building which had b e e n v a c a n t for y e a r s , remained unoccupied. H a l l r e n t s w e r e also increased by ÂŁ1.50 in J a n u a r y , a n i n c r e a s e agreed with " i n principle" in N o v e m b e r b y Nick Morton, despite the U n i o n ' s p o l i c y against mid-session rent i n c r e a s e s . In March a s y s t e m of e l e c t r o n i c bolts were installed in the S o u t h s i d e B a s e m e n t but were vandalised w i t h i n a n h o u r . T h i s caused an understandable o u t b u r s t by N i c k Morton at the U G M the following day. There were also p r o p o s a l s to h o u s e t w o students in single r o o m s in W e e k s H a l l b u t these have been shevled for this year.
Decisions Although six of the nine U n i o n G e n e r a l Meetings were quorate this y e a r , v e r y little
HG Wells Society's Pallab Ghosh demonstrating the immortal Wide-Mouthed Frog joke at the Society's annual dinner. The HG Wells Society was reformed at the start of this session and became one of the largest societies at college, attracting more than 500 members.
There were two general meetings, i n c l u d i n g the a n n u a l o n e , s c h e d u l e d for the s u m m e r t e r m but q u o r u m w a s successfully c h a l l e n g e d at the start of e a c h m e e t i n g . The most important development c o n c e r n i n g the U n i o n this year was u n d o u b t e d l y t h e a n n o u n c e m e n t of a p o s s i b l e m o v e to the S o u t h s i d e b a s e m e n t . T h i s issue is c o v e r e d at length overleaf.
F E L I X
A s e v e r , F E L I X p r o v i d e d a focal point for t h e d i s c u s s i o n of r e l e v a n t i s s u e s . O l d c a m p a i g n e r s like D r F r a n k J a m e s have f o u n d n e w e n e m i e s to fight it o u t w i t h o n the letters page. T h e S o a p b o x a r t i c l e s h a v e also b e e n fairly lively a n d h a v e p r o v i d e d a m e a n s for e x p r e s s i n g an o p i n i o n o n t o p i c s as v a r i e d as S o u t h A f r i c a a n d the state of R C S Union. F E L I X has maintained a critical role, f o c u s s i n g a t t e n t i o n o n b o t h the C o l l e g e a n d the U n i o n . T h e r e h a v e b e e n few things w h i c h have s l i p p e d b y w i t h o u t c o m m e n t a n d yet the C o l l e g e still s e e m s to c a r r y o n m a k i n g slip-ups w h i c h are potentially embarrassing. T h e r e l u c t a n c e of U n i o n P r e s i d e n t N i c k M o r t o n t o be totally o p e n w i t h i n f o r m a t i o n ' h a s l e d t o s o m e f r i c t i o n b e t w e e n himself a n d F E L I X Editor M a r k Smith. However, M r M o r t o n has o f t e n r e s p o n d e d well to c r i t i c i s m with s o m e fine letters o n one o r two occasions. M a r k S m i t h ' s d e c i s i o n to a l l o w free c o m m e n t during the sabbatical election c a m p a i g n w a s u n d o u b t e d l y a major c h a n g e of d i r e c t i o n for F E L I X , a n d it is i r o n i c that it w a s a s i m p l e e r r o r in i n t e r p r e t a t i o n of the v o t i n g p r o c e d u r e w h i c h l e a d to s u c h c o n f u s i o n at the t i m e . N o n e of the e l e c t i o n S o a p b o x articles r e s u l t e d i n a challenge to the c o n d u c t of the e l e c t i o n s .
1981-82 started with a series of mistakes which are catalogued at the start of this review. As 1982-3 approaches the stakes are even higher. Decisions will not be made about the Union Lower Lounge but the entire Union building. The new and future executives must ensure these mistakes are not repeated.
8.8.
Wolffe*
8ig Slack 800k
early h o u r s , w h e n his previous s p o u s e l o c k e d h i m out after alcoholic outings of his o w n . S o if V i c t o r ' s n e w h o m e is within easy c y c l i n g distance, does he really still need a C o l l e g e flat? W h e n I next hear the traffic report o n the radio say there's a n o b s t r u c t i o n in E x h i b i t i o n R o a d , I'll r u s h over a n d b e n d his ear!
I must admit the a n n o u n c e m e n t of C a p t a i n L i n d l e y ' s r e t i r e m e n t b r o u g h t a tear (of laughter) to m y eye, a n d there has to be one more story for o l d times s a k e. Petty Officer L i n d l e y s e e m s to h a v e - b e e n having a bit of trouble with the sign o n his office d o o r . A b o u t a year ago his original, bearing name rank and room number, disappeared. T o replace it a t y p e d piece of card was erected (using standard colour drawing pins of c o u r s e ) , b u t this too went absent without leave. O f course I k n o w n o t h i n g a b o u t t h e w h e r e a b o u t s of t h e s e wandering items, but it d i d m a k e me laugh to hear that a sign saying " P r i v a t e " has n o w appeared o n his d o o r .
Hi everybody, I'm back again with a few I bet the o l d salt didn't e x p e c t to be d e m o t e d juicy items for you all. There's been a bit a n d transferred before being put out to grass! of a vacuum on the scandals and exposes front this term, as I've been busy looking for Lord Lucan again in the tunnels under IC. But never fear, B.B. is back!
GmitotM Pig
I'm t o l d that r e v o l t i n g J C R b a r t e n d e r A l a n L a r s o n is a native of N o r t h A m e r i c a . L a s t t e r m this glutinous m o u n t a i n of a m a n was t a k i n g part i n o n e of his c u s t o m a r y a l c o h o l i c binges a n d was s o o n completely unable to stay upright. A few friends, w h o h a d been playing " s p o t the a m o r p h o u s m a s s " , offered h i m a h a n d a n d r e t u r n e d h i m to the Sherfield B u i l d i n g . T h e jolly b a r m a n c l a i m e d that h e ' d left all his m o n e y in his jacket, w h i c h was still in the J C R B a r . W h e n h e ' d eventually w o k e n the s e c u r i t y g u a r d he w a s refused e n t r a n c e b e c a u s e he was far t o o d r u n k . In d e s p e r a t i o n he rolled o v e r to the U n i o n B a r a n d b o r r o w e d £5 f r o m B a r M a n a g e r J i m m y C a r r o l for a taxi. L a t e r i n , the week w h e n equally r o t u n d C a t e r i n g M a n a g e r V i c t o r M o o n e y h e a r d abou t J i m m y ' s g e n e r o s i t y , he c o m m e n t e d " Y o u s h o u l d have given h i m £127—so he c o u l d b u y a single ticket b a c k t o N e w Y o r k ! "
I C C h o i r h a n g e r - o n a n d r e t i r i n g D e a n of G u i l d s " P r o f e s s o r " E r i c B r o w n seems to have a healthy eye for business. A c c o r d i n g t o s o u r c e s i n the C i v i l Engineering de par tme n t , the g o o d professor " r e c o m m e n d s " students o n his c o u r s e to b u y a wonderful little t e x t b o o k written " b y — g u e s s • w h o ? — E r i c B r o w n . N o t that this is so u n u s u a l ,
Whilst the Editor is selective about photographs for F E L I X , I have found the following in the P h o t o s o c bins. If anyone w o u l d like to c l ai m t h e m .
WImwi* tjtgtjjg Home T a l k i n g about o u r bumbling catering manager, V i c t o r is k n o w n as a bit of a slave d r i v e r . In fact •1 c a n reveal that he e v e n keeps a c a m e l driver's whip in his d e s k , the handle of w h i c h s c r e w s out to reveal a dagger. J o v i a l V i c t o r got m a r r i e d again at C h r i s t m a s a n d he's n o w living happily s o m e w h e r e i n L o n d o n . M y spies tell me that if you're u p at the right time y o u c a n even see h i m l u m b e r i n g into C o l l e g e o n his newly a c q u i r e d bicycle. W h a t a sight that m u s t be! B u t h a n g o n ! D o e s n ' t V i c t o r have a l u x u r y flat in P r i n c e s G a r d e n s , supplied free of charge by the C o l l e g e ? T h e same flat w h i c h was d e c o r a t e d at great e x p e n s e a few years ago? Indeed he d o e s . A few years b a c k , witnesses in the R C S U Office even s a w V i c t o r c l a m b e r i n g t h r o u g h the front w i n d o w i n the FELIX, June 18, 1982
but m y moles also reveal that the b o o k is long out of print a n d that he has the only s t o c k f r o m w h i c h his w r e t c h e d students c a n get their c o p y in his office. T o really c l e a n u p o u r s n o b b i s h little salesman also pressurises people into n o t taking notes d u r i n g his lectures, w h i c h means they have to b u y his b o o k . If they d o take notes he a p p a r e n t l y stops lecturing t o take the piss! W e l l done E r i c , that's setting a fine e x a m p l e for British b u s i n e s s m e n ! If only they were all like y o u the c o u n t r y w o u l d be b a c k o n its feet in n o time.
Incoming R e c t o r ' s d o o r m a t Steve G o u l d e r has h a d one or t w o strange adventures. N o n e m o r e s o t h a n his t r a n s v e s t i t e w a n d e r i n g s following the R a g a n d D r a g D i s c o in 1980. O u r hirsute sabbatical-to-be h a d been doing his best to i m p e r s o n a t e the t h e n D e p u t y President R a e S n e e by shoving t w o e n o r m o u s balloons u p the front of a slinky r e d dress. H e foolishly left his clothes in the R C S U Office a n d h a d to sleep in the F E L I X Office without r e c o v e r i n g t h e m , after he lost his partner M i s s Caroline G o d i n . In the m o r n i n g C a r o l i n e unwisely t o o k all his clothes to the F a l m o u t h H a l l r o o m of F E L I X Editor Steve M a r s h a l l . W h e n M r G o u l d e r p h o n e d to a s k h i m to bring t h e m o v e r , M r M a r s h a l l w i c k e d l y said "It's starting to rain and I don't fancy going o u t — w h y don't y o u c o m e over here for tea?" a n d p r o m p t l y put the phone d o w n . Rather than argue our President-elect strode over t o F a l m o u t h a n d was quite a sight c o m i n g a c r o s s P r i n c e s G a r d e n s resplendent with b e a r d , r e d u m b r e l l a a n d a beautifully m a t c h i n g dress!
We shall not be moved? The proposed move of the Union to Southside The announcement of a proposal to move the Student Union from its current building in Beit Quad to the Southside Halls was undoubtedly the most startling news of the year. Coming, as it did, late in May, there has been enough time to form an initial view of the project. U n i o n Pr es ident N i c k M o r t o n first h i n t e d at a possible major c h a n g e for the U n i o n in his a n n u a l r e p o r t . U n d e r a s e c t i o n entitled " M o r t o n ' s M y s t e r y " he s a i d :
Morton's Mystery I thought I would put this in here to check how many people really read the whole report. There is a scheme of major importance to the Union under discussion in College It may come to light during my term of office or it may be left to next year's executive.
F r o m the tone of this p a r a g r a p h it is o b v i o u s that the s c h e m e h a d o r i g i n a t e d in C o l l e g e a n d M r M o r t o n gave the i m p r e s s i o n that he w a s not a party to the d i s c u s s i o n s . S u b s e q u e n t to the a n n o u n c e m e n t it was d i s c o v e r e d that the U n i o n P r e s i d e n t w a s first a p p r o a c h e d b y C o l l e g e S e c r e t a r y J o h n S m i t h in March of this year tor his views o n the idea. M r M o r t o n gave a n e n t h u s i a s t ic r e s p o n s e a n d also p r o m i s e d not to reveal the idea to a n y b o d y until m o r e details were available, i n c l u d i n g plans ior the c o n v e r s i o n . T h i s he d i d a n d it was not until M a y 21 that w o r d of ihe m o v e first l e a k e d , o n l y four days before the I C U A n n u a l G e n e r a l M e e t i n g . T h i s effectively meant that the student u n i o n c o u l d n o t h o p e t o take a n y f o r m of d e c i s i o n o n the m a t t e r a n d w o u l d have t o wait until O c t o b e r before r e s p o n d ing. In t h e m e a n t i m e I C U C o u n c i l h a v e m a n d a t e d the E x e c u t i v e to investigate the plans further a n d the C o l l e g e a u t h o r i t i e s have a few m o n t h s to a r r a n g e m o r e detailed proposals.
The Plans A i present the m o v e w o u l d be initiated in J u l y 1983 w h e n c o n v e r s i o n w o r k o n the lower levels of S o u t h s i d e w o u l d begin. T h i s w o r k w o u l d c o n t i n u e o v e r a two year p e r i o d a n d gradually the U n i o n w o u l d be m o v e d out of its Beit Q u a d b u i l d i n g a n d o v e r to the n e w site. T h e c u r r e n t U n i o n B u i l d i n g w o u l d be partly t a k e n over by the Life S c i e n c e s D i v i s i o n to e x p a n d first year l a b o r a t o r y facilities a n d the u p p e r floors w o u l d almost c e r t a i n l y be used as a post e x p e r i e n c e centre. This facility would include conference rooms and luxury accommodation for visiting industrial m a n a g e r s o n short c o u r s e s . It w o u l d s u p p o s e d l y r u n at a profit a n d is part of a p u s h for c l o s e r c o o p e r a t i o n with i n d u s t r y .
Centre
point
C o l l e g e S e c r e t a r y J o h n S m i t h is the m o v i n g force b e h i n d the w h o l e idea. H e has been c o n s i d e r i n g t h e p o s s i b i l i t y of a post e x p e r i e n c e c e n t r e for s o m e time; possible sites have i n c l u d e d a n e w building a b o v e the s p o r t s c e n t r e a n d the s p a c e b e n e a t h the Southside Halls. W h e n interviewed by F E L I X M r Smith e x p l a i n e d that he had been c o n c e r n e d a b o u t the large, u n d e r - u t i l i s e d s p a c e b e l o w S o u t h s i d e for a l o n g time. H e said that the areas were s o large that the o b v i o u s use for t h e m w a s as facilities for the student u n i o n . T h e v a c a t i o n of the c u r r e n t U n i o n B u i l d i n g was a n " a d d e d b o n u s " i n his v i e w a n d he was at pains to e x p r e s s th.it the possibility for i n c r e a s e d s p a c e for the U n i o n was the motive for his p r o p o s a l . O t h e r a d v a n t a g e s were that a " f o c a l point of student a c t i v i t y " w o u l d be f o r m e d in P r i n c e s G a r d e n s a n d that m o i e people f r o m Halls w o u l d m a k e better use of the U n i o n . Reliable s o u r c e s in the Sherfield B u i l d i n g give a different view. M o s t of the C o l l e g e administration were surprised by the' p r o p o s a l , as it w a s w e l l - k n o w n that the S o u t h s i d e b a s e m e n t was a p r o b a b l e site for the p o s t - e x p e r i e n c e c e n t r e . I n d e e d , t h e areas had been inspected and detailed estimate for c o n v e r s i o n p r e p a r e d . T h e s e t u r n e d o u t to be far m o r e e x p e n s i v e l h a n e x p e c t e d a n d it is this w h i c h m a y have prompted M r Smith's unexpected genero sity.
Funding the Move W h e n a s k e d a b o u t the cost of the m o v e M r S m i t h c o m m e n t e d " I ' m not talking about c h i c k e n f e e d . S o m e t h i n g i n the region of a q u a r t e r of a million p o u n d s . " It was not m a d e clear w h e i h e r this is the cost of c o n v e r t i n g both buildings for their i n t e n d e d use or just S o u t h s i d e , but in either c ase the s o u r c e of s u c h a s u m is u n c e r t a i n . M r S m i t h c o u l d n o t (or would not) tell F E L I X w h o w o u l d p a y for the m o v e . H e simply said " t h e College has ways and m e a n s of raising s u c h a m o u n t s " . A n a l l o c a t i o n w o u l d have to be m a d e in the 1983/4 C o l l e g e b u d g e t , w h i c h m e a n s that t h e U n i o n w o u l d h a v e t o m a k e a d e c i s i o n by J a n u a r y of next year. H o w e v e r , it is a l m o s t c e r t a i n that u n d e r the present e c o n o m i c climate the U n i v e r s i t i e s G r a n t s , C o m m i t t e e ( U G C ) w o u l d not fund s u c h a m o v e . It is m o r e likely that the C o l l e g e w o u l d he f o r c e d to take out a n e x p e n s i v e loan, the interest o n which would u n d o u b t a b l y affect the U n i o n ' s a l l o c a t i o n for quite a few years.
A Realistic Estimate? A m o r e i n t e r e s t i n g point is the a c c u r a c y of the cost e s t i m a t e . A s s u m i n g that a full FELIX, June 78, 7982
College Secretary John Smith CBE, the man behind the Union relocation plan. c o n v e r s i o n of S o u t h s i d e is p l a n n e d , w i t h something more substantial than plaste r b o a r d partitions a n d s o m e fairly major s t r u c t u r a l w o r k , the cost will u n d o u b t a b l y be m u c h h i g h e r . F E L I X c o n s u l t e d a n a r c h i t e c t for his o p i n i o n . H e said that he c o u l d not give a c o n c r e t e estimate for s u c h w o r k , but c o m m e n t e d that ÂŁ250,000 w a s " u n l i k e l y " t< c o v e r a c o n v e r s i o n of this type. H e a d d e d that the present plans l o o k e d like they'd been " k n o c k e d up overnight" and gave little i n d i c a t i o n of the e x t e n l of w o r k n e c e s s a r y . A s well as litis we m u s t c o n s i d e r that building w o r k i n v a r i a b l y c o s t s m o r e a n d takes longer t h a n e x p e c t e d . T h u s it s e e m s likely that c o r n e r s w o u l d have to be cut l o save m o n e y .
Whose
decision?
T h e s u m m e r m o n t h s will be u s e d t o l o o k m o r e closely at t h e s c h e m e , a n d w e will have to wait until n e x t t e r m to v o i c e o u r o p i n i o n as a b o d y . A l r e a d y it is clear that a large s e c t i o n of the s t u d e n t b o d y are i n o p p o s i t i o n . M a n y life m e m b e r s w h o have been a p p r o a c h e d about the scheme are furious that t h e U n i o n c o u l d c o n s i d e r m o v i n g from familiar s u r r o u n d i n g s . M o r e importantly, many current students are u n c o n v i n c e d that t h e m o v e will result in an i m p r o v e m e n t of facilities i n d e e d , the maiority think the reverse m a y well happen. T h e e x t e n t to w h i c h student o p i n i o n will influence the C o l l e g e is u n c e r t a i n . W h i l s t J o h n S m i t h m a i n t a i n s that he w o u l d n o t c o n t i n u e i n the face of w i d e s p r e a d student o p p o s i t i o n , there is really very little time for this to b e e x p r e s s e d . A U G M c o u l d not r e a l i s t i c a l l y d i s c u s s t h e h a z y plans w h i c h a r e c u r r e n t l y a v a i l a b l e , a n d full p r o p o s a l s c o u l d b e held just o u t of o u r r e a c h until it is t o o late.
Our
move
W h a t is clear is that the student u n i o n s h o u l d m a k e a firm d e c i s i o n at the earliest possible o p p o r t u n i t y , e v e n if the college d o e s not give further details. N i c k M o r t o n m a y agree 'in p r i n c i p l e ' with the idea, b u t we must s h o w w h e t h e r s t u d e n t s d o t o o .
Scaramouche
^Holding the Baby
Baby Grand
the final problems
piano
Preamble Hello, good evening, and welcome to the last Scaramouche puzzle page. A s I wrote in my statement of intent two weeks ago I've realised that my duties as editor won't allow me time to write a regular puzzle column next year, so this is the finale to my two years as F E L I X puzzles editor. I always try to make the end of term puzzles a little harder than usual, but since this is my curtain call, the sworded puzzles on this page are real bastards — the cream of puzzles I've rejected as fartoo difficult to set before. Each carries a £10 prize for the first solution opened on July 1, but if the puzzle is unanswered by then, the prize will be awarded to the first correct answer I receive. I anticipate handing out one or possibly two prizes on July 1, and the others could well be unclaimed by Christmas! Unmarked puzzles are just for fun, as usual. Thanks are due to everyone who has entered a puzzle, ever, but especially to Jonathan Mestel (Grey Spider), Anna O'Donovan, Charles Bailyn, John Conway, Steve Marshall and the ever generous Pete and Will at Mend-a-Bike for sponsoring us and for mending my tandem so quickly, so often. Finally, we still have a vacancy for next year's puzzles editor. Any volunteers ? G o o d luck with the puzzles, and may the rate of change of momentum be with you. Scaramouche
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Foul Fare I felt it w o u l d b e u n f a i r t o start n e x t y e a r prejudiced against t h e college refectory service without actually eating there, s o yesterday I took David Rowe, the Phoenix Editor, a n d Peter Rodgers, t h e h a n d b o o k Editor, to l u n c h in M o o n e y ' s ; today Peter is ill w i t h f o o d p o i s o n i n g . T h e m e n u r e a d a s follows, a n d w e e a c h h a d o n e dish from each section:
Music Stands
Music Stands
I'm sure many of you remember with great affection the difficulties of removing Barney McCabe's piano from the back of the music store last term. Well, it happened again. Whether out of simple carelessness, or whether because it was assumed no one would ever want to play such a dreadful instrument, I can't say. Nevertheless, the Baby Grand is once again wedged right in at the back of the music store with all kinds of assorted impedimenta blocking the way to the door. I'm sure you remember the rules: there's no room to rotate any of the instruments without risk of damaging them, and nothing may be removed from the cupboard except the Baby Grand. Your task is to get the Baby Grand out of the cupboard. (If you do it the most efficient way - and you won't - it takes exactly a hundred moves. Any solution, though, is admissible for a prize).
M i n c e d Beef Roll : 60p Sausage Toad : 75p Kidney Turbego : 90p B a k e d B e a n s : 15p Cauliflower : 30p Green Beans : 45p
tLetters & Figures Which fe rent d '-ontrnr-t 'stributj cards. diff, a
Pilau Rice : 30p Mashed Potato : 45p Boiled Potato : 60p P e t e r i s t o o i l l t o t e l l u s w h a t h e ate, b u t D a v i d r e m e m b e r s t h a t at t h e c h e c k o u t h e p a i d £1-35, P e t e r p a i d £1-20, a n d I p a i d £1-50. T h i s i n f o r m a t i o n , t o g e t h e r w i t h t h e k n o w l e d g e o f w h a t w e t w o ate ( i n c l u d i n g , I may say, t h e least appetising boiled potatoes I have ever seen) e n a b l e d us t o unmask with complete certainty the dish w h i c h l a i d P e t e r out. W h i c h o n e ?
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Dear Amble I've just had a letter from Crumble and D r u d g e . They've been a d d / n g up how many of this c h a p S c a r a m o u c h e ' s p u z z / e s
they've s o / f e d over the years, and they tell me that the sum of the numbers each has done comes to the number you have done. They also m e n f / o n t h a t the product" of fhe/r fd/7fe/"enij n u m b e r s c o m e s to the n u m b e r / have s o / V e d . Even / o t o i v / d g that b o t h have m a n a g e d a f least one but less
than twelve I can't deduce how many
^Banana's Revenge
you've done. Any c h a n c e of a hint? •
Sense of Direction A r a t h e r e a s i e r c h e s s puzzle than t h e o n e o p p o s i t e : t h e position shown in the diagram is o n e w h i c h c o u l d o c c u r i n a n actual game. Which w a y is White playing?
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s of help?
It's been quite a while since Wodge played chess against his Banana microcomputer. It's rather an old model, and although it always plays legally, there is a certain bizarre streak in its tactical planning. Anyway, last week Wodge was rummaging through some junk in his study when he found the machine at the bottom of a cupboard and in a mixture of pity and nostalgia he played a few games on it, beating it easily every time. Then he tried an interesting experiment: he set the machine playing itself, with remarkable results. The opening move was conventional enough-white advanced the king's pawn two squares. But from then on the game was wildly unpredictable and came to a dramatic finish when Black, on its fifth move, captured a White rook with one of its knights, thus giving checkmate. Can you reconstruct the whole game?
Bumb/e
Bumble I'm afraid I d o n ' f know fhe/r numbers either, and c a n ' t work them out w/fhouf Dear
rVnow/dg y o u r s . D e a r Amble / sf/7/ n u I'm m b e rafraid .
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Amble Dear Amble
Than/rs, now I know. F u n n y , / a / w a y s t h o u g h t f p o s s / b / e till your last letter disproved it) fhaf y o u ' d d o n e beffer t h a n that.
How solved? many p u z z / e s Bumble
B u m b& /e h a v e Amble
Sporting Review of the Year A s t h e s p o r t i n g y e a r d r a w s to a c l o s e , t i m e for a lew r e m i n i s c e n c e s o n how a l l o u r w o n d e r f u l clubs have been f a r i n g this year. Starting with Association Football; they h a d a very g o o d season, w i n n i n g the U L C u p a n d the U p p e r Reserves C u p , a l s o d o i n g w e l l in the U L L e a g u e s , the Fifths w i n n i n g D i v i s i o n 2 R a n d the Sixths w i n n i n g 4 R . T h e y were unbeaten on tour in H o l l a n d . T h e y have consolid a t e d t h e i r successes o f last season w h i c h w o n t h e m the L i n k s M e m o r i a l T r o p h y lor outstanding a l l - r o u n d performance. T h i s y e a r I h a v e d e c i d e d to a w a r d t h e m t h e L e s l e y H o r r o c k s m e m o r i a l pot for o u t s t a n d i n g sports reports, i n c l u d i n g m e m o r a b l e l i n e s s u c h as " M u m m y + U n k n o w n D a d d y = R e f e r e e " I hope that F r a n k B o g e y R o l l a ' s r a s h is b e t t e r s o o n . B a d m i n t o n C l u b have also h a d a successful season b e i n g r u n n e r s - u p in the U L K n o c k - o u t C u p a n d w i n n i n g three out ol five leagues c o n t e s t e d . (Stage management and tactical coordination by c l u b c a p t a i n Ian Bull). Boat C l u b h a v e h a d a s t r i n g of successes w i n n i n g most o f t h e p o t s at t h e A l l o m C u p ( U L regatta) also n u m e r o u s w i n s at R e a d i n g ' . H a m m e r s m i t h . Metropolitan Amateur. Putney Town and Southern University C h a m p i o n s h i p s . T h e y were u n f o r t u n a t e to be outclassed by F r e n c h a n d G e r m a n n a t i o n a l teams on tour in G h e n t , B e l g i u m . H a p p y p o t h u n t i n g at H e n l e y i n s u m m e r , folks! C r i c k e t have w o n most of t h e i r m a t c h e s so l a r a n d ate g o i n g o n t o u r to D e v o n this s u m m e r .
Hockey:
Folkestone
International
Cross C o u n t r y have had a fruitful season w i t h a l a d i e s t e a m p a r t i c i p a t i n g for t h e 1 list t i m e . T h e i r s t a r r u n n e r l a s s o A s t e r a i d e s w o n the L o n d o n C o l l e g e s ' race. The H y d e P a r k relay was successful as e v e r w i t h m a n y f o r e i g n teams compel ing. Hockey C l u b won U L Division 1 and U L m e n s a n d l a d i e s sixes. W e h o p e t h a t C a r o l i n e B r o w n ' s successor achieves J a n e t a n d J o h n B o o k 11 s t a n d a r d in report w r i t i n g . A n d y S t r e a m e r also wrote some stunners a n d was r u n n e r - u p lor the B i g L e s m e m o r i a l pot. K i t n g F u get t h e ' D u s t p a n a n d B r u s h ' a w a r d lor their brick smashing c a p a bilities i n the U n i o n G y m . T h e R i l l e a n d P i s t o l ( H u b s u p p l i e d the U L t e a m w h i c h w o n t h e i r d i v i s i o n i n the N a t i o n a l short range c h a m p i o n s h i p . R u g b y C l u b h a d a m o d e r a t e start to the season h u t h a v e w o n a l m o s t a l l ol their matches since C h r i s t m a s i n c l u d i n g a t r i u m p h a n t v i c t o r y against Q M C in the f i n a l o f the G u t t e r i d g e n i p . T h e i r season c u l m i n a t e d i n a h i g h l y e v e n t f u l tour of P o r t u g a l where they w o n three
Tournament
leant.
out o l f o u r m a t c h e s . T h a n k s l o M i l e s T h o m p s o n l o r t h e F r e n c h l e t t e r , it kept me busy for d a v s ( c o r r e c t i n g the grammar). S a i l i n g C l u b h a v e w o n the C a s t a w a y s C u p (raced between 1 1 , colleges a n d h o s p i t a l s ) a g a i n , litis y e a r t a k i n g first ami s e c o n d p l a c e . S e v e r a l m e m b e r s o f the c l u b have sailed in I L teams a n d gave a good p e r f o r m a n c e in the n a t i o n a l c h a m p i o n s h i p s . J i m R e d m a n gels t h e DEL D i s s e r v i c e to the E n g l i s h Lang u a g e ) m e d a l l o r his d r e a d f u l g r a m m a r a n d a l t h o u g h his w e e k l y r e p o r t s w e r e a l w a y s in o n t i m e i h c v l o o k t w i c e as l o n g to e d i t as a n y o n e elses. The S q u a s h C l u b have entered several L o n d o n l e a g u e s in the season w i n c h e n d e d i n the t h i r d a n d f o u r t h t e a m s b e i n g p r o m o t e d . T h e l a d i e s s e c t i o n has been p a r t i c u l a r l y strong c o m p a r e d with r e c e n t seasons a n d the l a d i e s c a p t a i n is now a m e m b e r o f the c l u b e x e c u t i v e . T h e c l i i l i has a l s o b e e n m l a m o t i s in the Athletics C l u b s C o m m i t t e e meetings due to t h e e x p l o i t s o f last y e a r s t r e a s u r e r (now ill S o u t h A f r i c a : Swiss bank account r u m o u r s h a v e not b e e n c o n firmed). T h e V o l l e y b a 1,1 C I u I) w o n t h e Southern Eastern Technical Colleges ' T o u r n a m e n t by a w i d e m a r g i n a n d are h o p i n g lo take part in a w e e k e n d t o u r n a m e n t in H o l l a n d soon. They lake the ' m o s t c o m p l i c a t e d t e a m s u r n a m e s a w a r d for s u c h g e m s as A d c b a j o a n d Dias-Laleaca. H e r o i n e ol the y e a r a w a r d goes to M a / F e l l o w s for h e r w o n d e r f u l t y p e s e t t i n g a n d i n f i n i t e p a t i e n c e w i t h the results section (typesetting e r r o r par e x c e l l e n c e was " J o h n P o t t l t n e y s c o r e d o n e o l his t w o tries o i l the h a c k ol a r o c k " Ruck. Ma/., nick! T h a n k s a l s o to M a r k S m i t h for e n d l e s s s u p p o r t a n d l i s t e n i n g to mv m o a n i n g .1 was e n j o y i n g m y s e l f r e a l l y ) . M a r y H a r r i n g t o n for i n v a l u a b l e (.' a s s i s t a n c e a n d g o o d h i c k to C h r i s M a l l a b a n d w h o has t h e h o n o u r ol this e s t e e m e d p o s i t i o n n e x t y e a r . K e e p c m u p to s c r a t c h !
Rugby:
Gulteridge
Cup winning
team. FELIX, June 18, 1982
XX
b i l l c o n s i s t i n g of The Dark Lady of the Sonnets a n d The Admirable Bashville. T h e usual refreshments a n d gastronomic delights are available this s u m m e r : s o u p s , hot dogs, salads, c a k e s , hamburgers, B r a t w u r s t sausages, strawberries, raspberries a n d icec r e a m . T h e wine bar serves the traditional Regent's P a r k specialities including mulled wine (delicious) a n d P u c k ' s F i z z , joined this year by ' S h r e w d r i v e r ' a n d 'Petruchio P u n c h ' . T h e bar, barbecue a n d buffet open two hours " before the performance a n d the bars remain o p e n till midnight. T h i s , a n d the magnificent setting of the theatre in a leafy green hollow in the park a n d an e n c h a n t i ng classical building at t h e r e a r of t h e n a t u r a l s t a g e w h i c h is gradually lit up as the evening sun sets behind, m a k e s v i r t u a l l y a n y t r i p to this t h e a t r e a s u p e r b evening out.
The Taming of the Shrew by William Shakespeare. Presented by the New Shakespeare Company and directed by Richard Digby Day. Open Air Theatre, Regents Park. T h e p r o d u c t i o n of The Taming of the Shrew w h i c h o p e n s the season at the O p e n A i r T h e a t r e i n R e g e n t s P a r k is a l m o s t t o o colourful a n d too c o m i c to describe in w o r d s . It just simply has to be seen. T h e action takes place in P a d u a a n d V e r o n a but the- d i r e c t o r , R i c h a r d D i g b y D a y , has set the play in newly liberated Italy at the e n d of the last war, with very minor alterations in the text. A m o n g t h e h i l a r i o u s a s s o r t m e n t of c h a r a c t e r s therefore, are various A m e r i c a n army chaps and a superbly comic gumc h e w i n g helmeted G I played by Paul Raffield ' (as Biondello). T h e a m o r o u s passions of several of these c h a r a c t e r s are brought to the boil by two very beautiful w o m e n : K a t h e r i n e , a haughty Italian goddess played b y K a t e O ' M a r a , a n d her m o r e approachable sister, B i ^ n c a , played by Janet S p e n c e r - T u r n e r (the sight of w h o m alone justifies the c o s t of the ticket). T h e ill-tempered K a t h e r i n e is p e r s u e d by the almost m a d d a n d y , P e t r u c h i o , played by C h r i s t o p h e r N e a m e , and it is the strange a l c h e m y that allows P e t r u c h i o to t r a n s f o r m K a t h e r i n e f r o m a p r i c k l y u n w a n t e d w o m a n t o a n obedient a n d noble wife that essentially provides the quintessence of the play. T h e delicious c o m e d y of The Taming of the Shrew e x p o s e s great streaks of violence a n d r o u g h n e s s , h o w e v e r . T h e outstanding characteristic of apparently all p r o d u c t i o n s at the O p e n A i r Theatre is the almost perfect c h o i c e of players to fit the parts; i n m a n y cases this c o u l d not possibly be b e t t e r e d . T h e t h e a t r e is a v a s t l y u n d e r estimated establishment b o t h from the artistic
F e K x f e
Petruchio (Christopher Neame) taming "The Shrew" (Kate O'Mara) at Regent's Park Open Air Theatre.
point of view a n d from the sheer enjoyment value o b t a i n e d , a n d it is indeed a very l u c k y thing that the theatre was saved from closure at the e n d of last s u m m e r . (The A r t s C o u n c i l , w i t h d r e w its grant but subsequently replaced it after bowing to public pressure. T h i s contrasts with the G L C w h o d o u b l e d their c o n t r i b u t i o n in the last t w o years a n d are n o w the theatre's major supporter.) T h i s year is the theatre's G o l d e n Jubilee S e a s o n a n d as w i t h past s e a s o n , t w o S h a k e s p e a r e plays a n d w o r k s by B e r n a r d S h a w are o n offer. T h i s s u m m e r sees The Taming of Shrew a n d A Midsummer Night's Dream by S h a k e s p e a r e , interspersed with a S h a w double
Ticket (
The Australian Dance Theatre, Sadlers Wells Theatre, Roseberry Avenue (nearest tube: Angel). T h e A u s t r a l i a n D a n c e Theatre began their two week season at Sadlers W e l l s o n T u e s d a y with a p r o g r a m m e of four w o r k s . Beginning with Labyrinth, a disturbing w o r k based on Greek m y t h , they continued with Broken Head, a n e q u a l l y d i s t u r b i n g b u t ingenious w o r k , with music by B r i a n E n o . Flibbertigibbit, a n enchantingly q u i r k y ballet was followed by the evocative a n d beautifully c h o r e o g r a p h e d Transfigured Night. T h e s e a s o n , w h i c h is well w o r t h seeing, c o n t i n u e s at S a d i e r s W e l l s as follows: June 15,19,26: Labyrinth, B r o k e n Head, Flibbertigibbet, Transfigured Night. June 16, 21, 22, 23: Winter by Spring, Paradigm, Impromptu, Stars End. June 17, 18, 24, 25: While We Watched.
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Phoenix
1^82-83 a boisterous new comedy about young people growing up I
F E L I X in association with T w e n t i e t h C e n t u r y F o x invites y o u to a special preview screening of Porky's at the Odeon Marble A r c h at 11:00pm on Friday, July 2. T o obtain your ticket apply in person at the F E L I X Office, Beit A r c h . There are a limited number so come early to avoid disappointment. In P o r k y ' s we f o l l o w the a m o r o u s adventures of six young Americans in the fifties and their attempts to get even with the proprieter of the local nightspot (Porky's).
Contributions for next year's Phoenix are now required. The Phoenix is the magazine of Imperial College Union and material needed includes short stories, poems, photographs, in fact anything you care to submit. Help will also be needed next term with designing, editing and pasting-up the magazine, ready for publication early in the spring term. Articles, etc., comments and offers of help should be directed to the Phoenix Editor, c/o F E L I X Office.
J FELIX, June 18, 1982
NEWS QUIZ by Scaramouche A lighthearted quiz, not for pondering over individually (you'll probably find it too difficult for that) but more for a social after-dinner argument where guesswork is likely â&#x201E;˘ Disguise to count for just as much as memory. All the questions except 'Surnames' are based on V well-known personalities c a n you ° information reported in the media this academic year, but all the answers are printed identify in the montage below? together on the inside back cover for when you give up. H
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man
Quotes Interspersed with the rest of the questions are photographs of ten well-known people, together with ten quotes made by them in F E L I X over the year. Each quote has been matched to a w r o n g face. N a m e the faces, and reallocate the correct quotes.
T h e Year's Personalities 1. W h o , drunk a n d concussed, questioned the Health C e n t r e ' s competence i n stitching him back together? 2. W h i c h e x - p o l i c e j n a n t o l d h o w h e destroyed evidence of a secret rendezvous? 3. W h o s e c o n v e r s a t i o n left B o a n e r g e s delighted? 4. W h o ' c o r r e c t l y t o o k a t h l e t i c a c t i o n ' because he k n e w more about Boanerges than the others? 5. W h o chased Boanerges to Brighton and collapsed six months later? 6. W h o g a v e o v e r f o r t y s t u d e n t s t h e opportunity to be taken for a ride, a n d was later taken for a ride herself? 7. W h o d i d N i c k M o r t o n try to force to wear a silly r e d nose at U G M s ? 8. W h o told J e n they were 'prepared t o , make fools of themselves' in O c t o b e r , but had. been victorious three times over by F e b r u a r y ? 9. W h o was ' A c t i o n M a n ' ? 10. W h o claimed 'never to have been a m e m b e r of t h e N a t i o n a l F r o n t O v e r s e a s Committee'?
1. 'May I...protest most strongly about...the most vicious attacks on Captain Lindley, Victor Mooney and Lord Flowers I have seen to date.'
Surnames C a n y o u complete the full names of these College personalities? 1. J o h n William G a r b u t t 2. M i c h a e l J o h n 3. G u i d o Erich K a r l 4. Jo as i a Y v o n n a 5. M a r y Frances 6. Jeannette Elizabeth
2. 7 consider myself inadequately educated.'
thoroughly
3. 'There are going to be drastic changes in the refectories before Christmas.'
O n e to Six 1. W h o was at the centre of a squabble over who was 'the first'? 2. T w o men have appeared on the cover of F E L I X in drag during this year. W h o are they? 3. W h i c h t h r e e p o s t s c o n f e r o n t h e i r holders the right to 'observe' but not to vote at Union Council? 4. W h a t four fictitious names were given to the University Challenge team in F E E L S I C K ? 5. W h a t are the five major subcommittees of Union Council? 6. N a m e the six departments at I C which have the w o r d 'Engineering' as part of their title.
6. ' A UGM is not democratic-it nothing to do with democracy.'
has
Insults & Praises W h o said of w h o m (or what) 1. ' H e ' s even more boring than I a m . ' 2. 'The worst loser in the history of Imperial College.' 3. ' L a z y , inefficient and stupid.'
* 4. ' A terribly nice person,' 5. ' T o l e r a n t a n d c h a r m i n g w i t h m a n y admirers.' 6. 'It was not built overnight, but took seven days of careful craftmanship to emerge, solid, yet s y m p a t h e t i c to its s u r r o u n d i n g s , a m o n u m e n t to ( S t e p h e n G o u l d e r ' s ) y e a r serving on the U n i o n H o u s e C o m m i t t e e . '
8. 7 will do my best to freshers being intimidated at
prevent UGMs.'
Goodbye T h e following all left College for one reason or another d u r i n g the year 1. W h o s e 'resonant, nay divinely graceful voice was heard b o o m i n g over the U n i o n tannoy?' 2. W h o was ' s k u p p e r e d ' from Bookings Office? 3. W h o was the only male on the U n i o n ' s permanent staff? 4. W h o had 'ideas about bar staff wearing pretty bow ties?' 5. W h o d i e d u n d e r s u s p i c i o u s c i r c u m stances after a disagreement with D o n M o n r o ?
4. 7 always thought that one drink did nothing to me and that two or three had little effect-but I found I was wrong.'
Animals 1. H o w was a new lion made possible by the weather? 2. W h o is in the dog-house because of a tiger and a buffalo? 3. A n d w h o was embarrassed by cows where there should have been sheep? 4. W h o was not w a r n e d about poisonous snakes? 5. W h i c h animal was stolen twice? 6. W h o s a i d ' I ' m q u i t e h a n d s o m e a n d certainly not goat-like'?
9. 'There is nothing wrong in being a wet tory.'
7. 7 am quite willing to admit that any lack of interest in my events is totally my fault.'
5. 7 never want to retire. Anyone who is a true academic will never retire.'
Fun & G a m e s 1. W h a t is the oldest inter-collegiate sports fixture (after the Varsity match) dating bac k to 1902? 2. W h i c h sabbatical traditionally referees the pancake race a r o u n d Beit Q u a d ? 3. W h o s e solo endeavour in the aquatic side of things made headline news in F E L I X last Febr u ar y? ' 4. W h a t took fourteen thousand throws in the L o u n g e bar last M a r c h ? 5. W h a t d i d R C S w i n d e s p i t e D a v e T h o m p s o n ' s shorts? 6. W h i c h event was furtively transferred to IC after demonstrators made it impossible to continue at its original venue?
A l s o known as W h o or what are 1. ' T h e Titanic'? 2. ' G o r m l e s s of G r i m s b y ' ? 3. ' M r . N i c e G u y ' ? 4. ' M c C a b e ' s Folly'? 5. ' G o u l d e r ' s Importunity'?
10. 'From the security of my office it is sometimes difficult to gauge feelings at College.'
Peace for GalileeÂť The utmost Israeli hyprocrisy B y a Palestinian student T h e M i d d l e East, over the past two w e e k s , has been e x p e r i e n c i n g another o u t b r e a k of death a n d d e s t r u c t i o n in what seems to be a never e n d i n g struggle between A r a b a n d Israeli. T h e Israeli invasion of L e b a n o n has so far resulted in a n estimated 10,000 people killed, mainly civilians, a n d m o r e t h a n 600,000 people have been m a d e homeless. A t a time w h e n Israel claims to be a missionary of peace, it has a t t a c k e d a n o t h e r c o u n t r y ' s i n t e g r i t y by b o m b i n g Iraq's nuclear reactor at O s i r a k , has defied w o r l d opinion by a n n e x i n g the G o l a n H e i g h t s , has b r e a c h e d international law by building even more settlements on the o c c u p i e d W e s t B a n k (enhousing as m a n y as 35,000 J e w i s h settlers), has o p p o s e d the basic fundamentals of h u m a n rights by d e n y i n g the P a l e s t i n i a n s the right to r e t u r n to t h e i r h o m e l a n d (when the Israeli L a w of R e t u r n gives a n y J e w in the w o r l d the immediate f a c i l i t i e s to s e t t l e ) , has e n r a g e d h u m a n s e n t i m e n t s by u s i n g live a m m u n i t i o n o n Palestinian d e m o n s t r a t o r s in J e r u s a l e m a n d in the W e s t B a n k (when foam was used to evict Israeli settlers from the Sinai settlement of Y a m i t ) , a n d has invited worldwide c r i t i c i s m a n d d i s a p p r o v a l by c o m m i t t i n g yet another act of aggression against the L e b a n o n . (In M a r c h 1978, 30,000 Israeli soldiers c r o s s e d the b o r d e r into L e b a n o n , seized a s i x mile border strip a n d installed puppet L e b a n e s e major S a a d H a d d a d as its ruler.) A t a time w h e n the victims of the Israeli assault (mainly L e b a n e s e a n d Palestinian civilians) face certain death due to the lack or insufficiency of medical supplies, the U n i t e d States vetoed the U n i t e d N a t i o n s S e c u r i t y C o u n c i l ' s draft resolution calling o n Israel to withdraw its forces from the L e b a n o n . T h e resolution w o u l d not have made a n y d i f f e r e n c e a n y way (since o v e r 300 resolutions have been passed against Israel s i n c e 1 9 4 8 n o n e of w h i c h h a v e b e e n implemented) but s u c h an a c t i o n is irresponsible, the U S being Israel's m a i n supplier of aid a n d military e q u i p m e n t . A s for the u n f o u n d e d Israeli c l a i m that t h e i r m i l i t a r y offensive is directed towards preventing the Palestinian shelling of the Israeli settlements, it s h o u l d be noted that the ceasefire p r o c l a i m e d in the area, a n d w h i c h lasted for almost ten m o n t h s , was only b r e a c h e d by the Israeli c o n t i n u o u s b o m b a r d m e n t of L e b a n e s e villages a n d Palestinian positions prior to the invasion (the Guardian a n d The Times, June 10 1982) a n d was met by retaliating m o v e s o n the part of the a r m e d forces of the Palestine L i b e r a t i o n Organisation ( P L O ) .
T h e recent o u t b r e a k of war in the L e b a n o n is only a development of the state of affairs w h i c h has in the past been responsible for three major wars which have claimed h u n dr eds a n d thousands of lives. A t the c r u x of the whole M i d d l e East p r o b l e m lies the inescapable question of Palestinian identity. T h e Palestinians, a friendly a n d peace loving people in nature, have been the victims of a series of tragic historical incidents w h i c h have left t h e m i n a n i n s e c u r e a n d d e f e n s e l e s s position. M a n y of t h e m b e c a m e refugees living mainly in the W e s t B a n k , J o r d a n and Lebanon. The Palestinian diaspora came a b o u t i n 1948 a s a d i r e c t r e s u l t of t h e establishment of the state of Israel. F o r years a n d y e a r s , t h e q u e s t i o n of a P a l e s t i n i a n h o m e l a n d was left in the hands of the U n i t e d N a t i o n s a n d the S u p e r P o w e r s w h o only exploited the situation to gain interests in the area. M e a n w h i l e , Palestinian national consciousness grew to a high level a n d their national i d e n t i t y w a s a d o m i n a n t t h e m e of t h e i r e v e r y d a y life. A l l t h e i r d a i l y p r o b l e m s of survivalâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;finding w o r k , food or shelter, arose from the fact that they were exiled by the Israelis from their h o m e l a n d . Political organisation was initially difficult due to the fact that the Palestinians dispersed, but the P L O was later established to e m b o d y political, national, social, cultural a n d educational as w e l l as m i l i t a r y o r g a n i s a t i o n s ( s u c h as c o m m a n d o g r o u p s , trade unions, professional associations, etc....). T h e P L O t o o k as its duty, the right of confirming the Palestinian identity a n d of ending the degradation a n d sufferings to w h i c h the Palestinians have been e x p o s e d . T h e P L O has right from the start gained p o p u l a r s u p p o r t f r o m t h e w h o l e of t h e Palestinian people w h o saw in it the means of regaining their lost but not forgotten identity. T h e P L O has representative offices in over 60 c o u n t r i e s i n c l u d i n g B r i t a i n . T h e P L O has always sought towards finding a political s o l u t i o n to t h e p r o b l e m a n d in 1974, the c h a i r m a n of the executive c o u n c i l of the P L O , Y a s s a r A r a f a t , called for an establishment of a secular d e m o c r a t i c state in Palestine (Israel) where A r a b s a n d J e w s c o u l d live in peace side by side. M o s t of the Palestinians accepted the idea of a secular state, but sadly the Israelis rejected it. B y this time, the P L O had b e c o m e a strong political force in the area. T h e r e has been an o b s e r v e d m o d e r a t i o n in the policies of the P L O over the past few years. T h i s moderate trend has n o w been d e s t r o y e d by the Israeli aggression. T h e P L O leadership was contemplating a peaceful solution to the conflict and the establishment of a Palestinian state in the W e s t B a n k and the G a z a strip, but B e g i n has recently referred to the W e s t B a n k as " W e s t e r n E r e t z Israel" thus r e v i v i n g the r e v i s i o n i s t n o t i o n that the "historical land of Israel also in c lu ded the east bank of the river J o r d a n " . These Zionist beliefs of e x p a n s i o n h a v e p r e s e n t e d a m a j o r s t u m b l i n g b l o c k w h e n e v e r a t t e m p t s for reconciliation were made. T h e invasion of L e b a n o n and the p o u n d i n g of refugee c a m p s will undoubtedly radicalise the policies of the P L O , a n d Palestinian feeling is that a r m e d struggle might prove to be the only way to liberate the P a l e s t i n i a n h o m e l a n d f r o m a v i c i o u s a n d u n c o m p r o m i s i n g e n e m y . It is d i f f i c u l t t o see h o w I s r a e l , in its w i d e l y publicised search for peace, c o u l d resort to s u c h means of death a n d destruction unless their idea of peace is that of constant war and of o p p r e s s i o n against the Palestinian people as a whole. T h e Israelies c l a i m to have l a u n c h e d their " P e a c e for G a l i l e e " attack on the L e b a n o n in order to prevent guerilla attacks o n Israel. It is n o w obvious that this has been used as a pretext in order to deliver yet another b l o w to the independent a n d free presence of the FELIX, June 18, 1982
Palestinian people as formulated t h r o u g h the P L O . T h e underlying objective of Israel is to impose the a u t o n o m y rule o n the Palestinian inhabitants of the W e s t B a n k by creating an alternative leadership other than the P L O . Israel has been "losing the g r i p " over the o c c u p i e d territories and its 1.1m Palestinian inhabitants, as d e m o n s t r a t e d by the recent uprisings in J e r u s a l e m a n d m a n y other W e s t B a n k towns a n d villages. O n top of this, a recent poll c a r r i e d out in the W e s t B a n k by an Israeli public opinion research organisation (PORI) for Time magazine c o n c l u d e d that 98.2% of the Palestinians o n the W e s t B a n k favour a n independent Palestinian state a n d 86% of the population said that they wanted the state r u n solely by the P L O (Time, M a y 24, 1982). S o , the Israelis invaded the L e b a n o n in order to destroy the P L O as a political and military force in the area in a n attempt to frustrate the Palestinian people in the W e s t B a n k into finding alternative representation. Pr evious attempts to d o so (such as deposing p r o P L O mayors) p r o v e d unsuccessful. H e a v y c i v i l i a n c a s u a l t i e s have b e e n the direct result of Israeli shelling of the Lebanese towns and villages. In their venture the Israelis h a v e i n c r e a s e d t h e g r i e v a n c e s of t h e Palestinian people a n d this in t u r n will lead to m o r e violent o u t b r e a k s and to guerilla a t t a c k s by the Palestinians o n Israeli interests within a n d perhaps outside the boundaries of Israel. (The P L O in its desperation might be p u s h e d to r e v e r t to its e a r l y t a c t i c s of h i j a c k i n g , political assassinations, e t c . . ) T h e Israelis are not destroying a "few terrorist p o c k e t s " that endangered their daily livelihood but they are trying to put an e n d to a national m o v e m e n t of a p e o p l e w h o are s t r u g g l i n g for selfdetermination within a political situation that is driving t h e m into desperation. Ironically, the J e w s have in the past faced that same situation yet they refuse to identify with the aspirations of the Palestinian people. T h e persecution of the J e w s in E u r o p e has ended but that of the Palestinians has started. Israel has p r o v e d to be a l a r g e c o n c e n t r a t i o n c a m p f o r t h e P a l e s t i n i a n A r a b s who are c o n t i n u a l l y h a r a s s e d , i m p r i s o n e d a n d t o r t u r e d for expressing " u n f a v o u r a b l e " political views. C o l l e c t i v e p u n i s h m e n t has been d i r e c t e d against Palestinian nationalists and their families, b o o k s have been b a n n e d , houses were d e m o l i s h e d , l a n d has been s e i z e d , newspapers are subjected to heavy c e n s o r s h i p, de m o n s t r a t o r s have been shot, all of w h i c h characterise the Zionist aspect of the State of Israel. T h e Palestinian struggle has been directed towards ending this oppression a n d to those w h o are fighting for the realisation of this aim the following tribute is presented:
A word to those who died For the twins Lebanon and Palestine A word to those mutilated by the war And to those renewing the title of refugee Once more and with no end To the people who take suffering With their daily bread To the people that stood Against terror and oppression To you all I say these words: You are the new Gods And with your blood You shall write a new testament In the history of mankind You are a consolation To the oppressed of every nation You are a curse on tyrants everywhere And if I were to worship any Gods I will worship you For you are the real Gods of Justice And I beg forgiveness Since my biggest sin is living When thousands of you are dead.
Have you seen our mascot?
Mike is the mascot of Imperial College Union, a large replica of a micrometer weighing 170lbs. Mike went missing in the early hours of the morning of Thursday, May 6, 1982. So far no news of its whereabouts has been received nor any ransom demanded. The mascot is violable and as such it is expected that other colleges will attempt to remove it. However, if no news of its whereabouts is received by 5:30pm, Friday, June 25, then the incident will be treated as theft. The Police will be called in to investigate and this could lead to a prosecution. Any news of its position, present, or since May 6 should be forwarded to Marco Ledwold, Imperial College Union, Prince Consort Road, London SW7.
A cautionary tale
Beware of Moonies by Linda Pearce I arrived at the b u s station in D e n v e r after seven weeks w o r k i n g a n d travelling in the U S A . Dishevelled, tired and a little fed up with A m e r i c a n and A m e r i c a n s , I b o o k e d a r o o m at the Y W C A intending to find a job to see me through the next t w o weeks before travelling on to California. A s I gathered m y bits and pieces together and w o r k e d out the route, a young guy walked up to me and asked if I needed any help. H i s name was Ross a n d we chatted for a while about my travels and life back in England. H e then explained that he was from an International C o m m u n i t y in Denver called U N I C A P (Unification Community Action Programme). T h e y h a d an English lecturer working with them and would I like to c o m e back for dinner and meet them all. I said " Y o u are not those dreaded M o o n i e s , are y o u ? " whereupon he smiled a n d said n o , just a Christian community doing voluntary work. I went back in the transport provided to a n ordinary looking house where I w a s greeted e n t h u s i a s t i c a l l y a n d m a d e t o feel v e r y welcome. T h e programme c o m m e n c e d with us s t a n d i n g i n a c i r c l e , s i n g i n g a s o n g , introducing ourselves one-by-one and a moment of prayer or silent meditation before breaking for dinner. After dinner the members put o n a little entertainment before the leader of the " f a m i l y " as they called themselves, spoke about the ills of the world and invited us all (about seven new recruits) up to their house in the mountains to hear how they were trying to change them. W e were shown some slides and during the refreshments that followed, they all tried to persuade us individually to go up. I refused but they put m e up that night (a sleeping bag on the floor as they always slept), took m e to the employment agency the next morning, showed m e a r o u n d the city a n d invited me back for the same programme only this time I decided to go up to the mountains with them. " N o t m u c h happens in D e n v e r , "
they said, " y o u might just as well c o m e up to our house for the weekend a n d see something of the r o c k i e s . " W e were w o k e n next morning at 7:30 by a song and went out onto the mountainside to do some exercises and sing a few songs. T h e r e were about five n e w members but we were never left alone to talk a n d were accompanied everywhere by a member of the group. E v e r y mealtime each new recruit was asked to " s h a r e " s o m e t h i n g a b o u t t h e m s e l v e s until eventually, inner-most secrets were divulged. Every evening supposedly confidential "reflections" were written a n d read by w h i c h method the group new exactly what the recruit was thinking. It seemed churlish a n d b a d manners to refuse t o d o as a s k e d since the group were so enthusiastic a n d nice. E a c h day we had three, three-hour lectures, with a long hike at lunchtime and games inbetween a n d in the evening. E a c h moment was regimented and there was never a moment of privacy, not even in the bathroom. T h e last lecture o n Sunday evening divulged their belief that the Messiah was on earth followed by an emotional testimony from the group leader a n d another singsong as happened before and after every meal. T h e leader a n d m y spiritual parent (Ross) immediately came over to m e afterwards a n d urged m e to stay for another five days to hear more about their beliefs (after all, who wants to have missed the messiah). I agreed t o stay, along with four others. The following week (and two weeks afterwards) pursued the same pattern save we had two lectures a n d d i d housework or woodchopping in the e x t r a time available. D u r i n g the week I a s k e d twice more w h o the group were a n d both times they denied they were M o o n i e s . O n F r i d a y , the seventh day, it was revealed that the leader of the group, a n d by implication the M e s s i a h , w a s R e v S u n M y u n g M o o n . I was s h o c k e d but they justified the deception b y the fact that n o one would FELIX, June 18, 1982
s t a y if t h e y s a i d o u t r i g h t w h o t h e y w e r e because of their bad press. T h e y called this "heavenly d e c e p t i o n " in the belief that the e n d s — w h e t h e r money o r recruits—justifies the means. Five weeks later, having spent two weeks picking up rubbish, fundraising o r recruiting, I phoned home and told m y parents that I was staying in A m e r i c a to work for G o d . T h e y flew out the next day believing I had been kept and drugged but s o o n found out the brainwashing techniques employed a n d hired a deprogrammer o n arrival. It was five days before they could locate me by getting my sister to phone from G e r m a n y to verify I w a s in the M o o n i e house and phoning them in a call b o x around the corner, early M o n d a y morning. A t 9:00am m y father simply w a l k e d into the house as we were all standing in a circle introducing ourselves. 1 believed that he c a m e for the day and left with h i m promising to be back at 4:00.1 got into the car they said they had hired and we went for a two a n d a half hour drive "sightseeing", had l u n c h , then called into the drivers 'office'. T h e y then a n n o u n c e d that this was in fact a deprogramming a n d the t w o guys—'trainee drivers'—were security m e n . I was talked to for about six hours by the deprogrammers a n d a n e x - M o o n i e . B y that time I decided I d i d not want to return but needed to find out who was speaking the truth, the Unification C h u r c h or the deprogrammers. T h e next day I was whisked off to rehabilitate for a week in Virginia where I slept for three days a n d read all about the cult. T h e n I returned home to m y studies which I have now, t w o years later, completed. A l l i n a l l it w a s q u i t e a t r a u m a t i c experience a n d not one I w o u l d w i s h u p o n anyone. It took me a long while to rid myself of t h e g u i l t a n d f e a r of t u r n i n g m y back o n the M e s s i a h , if in fact it was true, despite the fact that I knew it could not be so. 1 a m now a member of a group called E M E R G E to help people c o m e to terms with coming out of a cult—adjust t o the real w o r l d again a n d t o warn others of the dangers they pose and the evil they represent. T h e M o o n i e s and other cults are not only i n the U S but all over the world. They entrap vulnerable, idealistic, intelligent young people a n d turn them into mental slaves, w o r k i n g eighteen hours per day in the belief that it is w o r k for G o d enriching the w o r l d , when in fact it is merely enriching one m a n — t h e leader of the cult in his personal quest for money and power.
returned u n o p p o s e d as F E L I X E d i t o r and graduated with a lower s e c o n d . M a r k ' s interests are films, science fiction novels a n d w o m e n in general. H o w e v e r he has n a r r o w e d this last interest d o w n to an A s i a n nurse, N i t a . O n their first meeting M a r k told N i t a that his mother, was a m u d wrestler, but she has since apparently changed her job to a bricklayer. A fan of fast-food a n d girlie magazines M a r k fondly r e m e m b e r s d r o p p i n g over a d o z e n copies of Playboy o n the floor of K e n t u c k y F r i e d C h i c k e n o n G l o u c e s t e r R o a d , in front of a large c r o w d . M a r k ' s F E L I X have been interesting and avidly read even though he failed to keep many of the promises he made in his statement of intent a n d has let his feelings towards a certain Southside W a r d e n influence his judgement o n many occasions.
The Editor by the Staff M a r k S m i t h a n d T o m B r o w n (of the novel T o m B r o w n ' s Schooldays) have t w o things in c o m m o n : they both went to school in R u g b y a n d have very c o m m o n names. T h e y differ in that T o m B r o w r i spent many a c t i o n - p a c k e d y e a r s at R u g b y S c h o o l whereas the highlight of M a r k ' s s c h o o l days was being bullied by Neville S t a p l e s , later to join the Specials a n d the F u n b o y T h r e e . It was also whilst living in R u g b y that the infamous event involving a y o u n g lady a n d a v a c u m n cleaner flex t o o k place. T h e y o u n g S m i t h left Rugby for L o n d o n w h e n he e n t e r e d the P h y s i c s D e p a r t m e n t in 1978. H e b e c a m e D e p a r t m e n t a l Representative in his s e c o n d year a n d is regarded by many (especially himself) to have been the best D e p R e p the department (or College in his opinion) ever h a d . A t the e n d of his s e c o n d year he edited the R C S U H a n d b o o k a n d was F E L I X B u s i n e s s M a n a g e r in his third year. H e was
News Quiz Answers In Disquise Starting top left and working clockwise: Nick M o r ton, Martin S. Taylor, D o n M o n r o , Mary Freeman, A n d y Rushton and in the centre Steve Marshall. Quotes 1. Mark Smith made quote 10. 2. Barney M c C a b e made quote 6. 3. Steve Marshall made quote 1. 4. Phil Greenstreet made quote 7. 5. Frank James made quote 9. 6. Steve Goulder made quote 8. 7. Eric Laithwaite made quote 5. 8. Nick Pyne made quote 4. 9. Sir Keith Joseph made quote 2. 10. N i c k M o r t o n made quote 3. The Year's Personalities 1. A n d y Rushton ( B . B . Wolffe, F E L I X 596) 2. Geoffrey Reeves, College Security Officer (in The Phoenix) 3. A n d y Rushton when Bo's lamps were stolen. 4. Martin S. Taylor when his bell failed on University Challenge. 5. Jasper (Jeremy Nunns) of IC Radio. 6. A n n Dziwior, Astrosoc Chairman, in her space shuttle hoax on April 1 ( F E L I X , N o 611). 7. Stephen Goulder (Exec News, October 5) 8. The University Challenge team.
This week's caption competion: T h e winner c a n have a free appointment with M r Smith's dentist. T h e staff are s o r r y that the p h o t o fails to capture the r e d rings a r o u n d M r S m i t h ' eyes. 9. N i c k M o r t o n ( F E L I X 597) 10. Mary Freeman in her election ( F E L I X 608)
manifesto
Surnames 1. Lindley (College Domestic Secretary) 2. Passmore (former I C U President) 3. Schmidt ( R C S President-elect) 4. Hewanicka (Union Receptionist) 5. Flowers (the Rector's wife) 6. Hardy-Smith (Union Administrator) One to Six 1. Angie of Linstead. 2. Barney M c C a b e and Ronan M c D o n a l d ( F E L I X 603). 3. Union Administrator, U L U Representative and F E L I X Editor. 4. Tobacco, Leather, Isst-Pigs and Measure. 5. Athletic Clubs Committee, Recreational Clubs Committee, Social Clubs Committee, S C A B and Publications Board. 6. Chemical, Mechanical, Electrical, Civil, Petroleum and Mineral Resources. Animals 1. A snow lion was sculpted at the foot of the Queens Tower (FELIX'600). 2. Princess Anne 3. Victor Mooney, in his pasties. 4. Steve Marshall, embarking for South America ( F E L I X 593 Editorial). 5. Reggie, King's College's lion. 6. Barney M c C a b e .
M a r k was h o n o u r e d by both R C S U a n d I C U a n d this year he was elected to the '22 C l u b a n d aw ar ded a U n i o n G e n e r a l A w a r d . M r S m i t h intends to tour India s o o n and w o u l d like to be a film director, astronaut and novelist w h e n he returns but feels his failure to take up sub-aqua diving may prove to be a disadvantage. W e wish h i m well. Insults and Praises 1. J . Martin Taylor of David O w e n. 2. Mark Smith of J . Martin Taylor. 3. Nick M o r t o n was quoted as saying this of Barney M c C a b e . Whether he actually said it is open to conjecture. 4. Mark Smith of Nick M o r t o n 5. Nick M o r t o n of J o Hewanicka. 6. Barney M c C a b e of the Lower Lounge partition. Fun & Games 1. The Mines-Camborne fixture. 2. F E L I X Editor 3. James Deeney (FELIX 604). 4. 1,000,001 up darts match. 5. Raft race. 6. Chess display by grandmaster J o h n N u n n . Goodbye 1. Annie Lathaen, former Union Receptionist. 2. Tony Schaffner, Bookings Manager (B B Wolffe F E L I X 606) 3. Ian Morse ( F E L I X printer) 4. Barney M c C a b e (Freshers' Handbook) 5. Monty, the Montpelier St. cat ( F E L I X 597) Also Known A s 1. Montpelier Street hall ( F E L I X 591) 2. M a r c o Ledwold ( F E E L S I C K ) 3. A n d y Rushton (Editorial, F E L I X 597) 4. The Lower Lounge partition (Letters, F E L I X 590) 5. The Lower Lounge partition (Letters, F E L I X 591).
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FELIX, June 18, 1982
Board
(FELIX).
Life o C I -y Report f
H i there all y o u fun people, we (Phil a n d I) thought it wouldn't b e a bad idea if we tell y o u the rest of College what fun things we have all d o n e a n d are going to d o . R e m e m b e r all those terrific parties at the beginning of e a c h t e r m ? T h e y went just fine. T h e last one was a bit tricky with just a few of us t o clear u p , with Phil o u r beloved s u p e r - h a c k attacking a d o o r i n a m o m e n t of anger.
O f c o u r se we don't get a single penny from any u n i o n (hint) o r the division, so we have to break even if not better, w h i c h we have done. O n e of the events we spent m o n e y o n was the Life S c i e n c e s R e v u e , just before Easter. W e l l that was a n amazingly original idea and I think I s h o u l d get a prize for it a n d pulling the whole thing off, but t h e n , I did w i n a pen. W e all h a d fun that night, h o p i n g that C h r i s t i n e ' s daring c o s t u m e wouldn't slip, b u t being disappointed anyway. A l l the same we raised a fair few q u i d for R a g a n d we're already planning another revue for C h r i s t m a s . D o c o m e o u t of t h e c u p b o a r d a l l y o u P a m e l a R h y s Riddihoughs! O f c o u r s e y o u didn't c o m e to C o l l e g e just for the social life, we all need s o m e six o r eight h o u r s of sleep a day, a n d I think I w o u l d be c o r r e c t to say that most of u s prefer t o d o it d u r i n g lecture a n d lab time. T h e academic reps are of c o u r s e c o n c e r n e d that this time should be as peaceful as possible. M o s t of their w o r k is d o n e in committees no one attends, so a c a d e m i c news is sparce a n d secretive, but I d o hear C B is to be c u t into t w o , a n d I also hear the faintest whisper that matters will i m p r o v e o n the degree front. R e m e m b e r the elections for d e p reps? Y e s y o u d o — a load of idiots s t o o d u p d u r i n g tea-break a n d d i s t u r b e d everyone. I a m a s h a m e d to say fun people that y o u didn't all vote, a n d even more a s h a m e d to say that most of y o u seemingly voted Peter B u r t — i f y o u k n o w h o w this was done I'd like to k n o w about it. B u t of c o u r s e we love o u r n e w d e p rep, just as we loved dear o l d N a t h a n (well his m o t h e r may have) a n d we s h o u l d all give Pete's m o t h e r o u r s u p p o r t . T h e n e w Divisional S t u d e n t s C o m m i t t e e m e t for the first time the other day, we argued quite a bit, w h i c h is better than previous meetings w h e n there was no o n e to argue w i t h , but we did sort out a few things. W e d i s c u s s e d what to d o with our m o n e y o r more to the point where to put it. A m a n called M a r c o , with a suspicious c o m p l e x i o n , said he had a g o o d p r o p e r t y d e a l going in S o u t h s i d e , but we thought better of it. M i k e is n o w in charge of the m o n e y a n d he says he'll k e e p it in a hole in the side of the river. P h i ! however says that if ever we are passing his place we c a n d r o p i n for a battle of v o d k a a n d a sweatshirt anytime. W e also d i s c u s s e d the next Life S c i Party. T h i s is of c o u r se at the beginning of next t e r m , t h e first T u e s d a y i n fact. A chappie from the U n i o n called G r e e n p i e c e o r something said it wouldn't be, and also that we couldn't have o u r o w n tickets, but Peter sorted the bugger out (he w a v e d his finger at h i m , behind his back). T h e D i v i s i o n likes to give the freshers a spot of tea before the party, so they give us s o m e loot to buy food a n d hire the J C R . S o m e h o w we have to c o m e up with a lot of butties, N e i l says he'll organise this bit, a n d any that help h i m will get s o m e tea. I have t a k e n over the bar f r o m D a n a n d I'll offer coffee to a n y that help me. If you're big a n ' ugly, a n d I don't believe D a n k a is, Pete will offer y o u biscuits, tea a n d coffee, if you help o n the door. W e d o need y o u r help because we still need oodles more m o n e y to do the things w e ' d like to d o for y o u . W e ' l l be getting s o m e T and sweatshirts next t e r m so order your size now. L a s t point; the first a n d s e c o n d year e x a m s b o t h finish o n T h u r s d a y 24. T h e R o y a l C o l l e g e of M u s i c bar o p e n s at 4:00pm. N e e d I say more? You'll come back now love Geoff P S : T h e whole C o l l e g e may be glad to hear, and particularly D e b b i e , that M a t t S m i t h h a s been l o c k e d u p by C o l l e g e authorities at S i l w o o d . D e s p i t e a b r e a k o u t d u r i n g R a g F e t e it is otherwise safe to say that all organised student bodies have a better c h a n c e of r e mai n i ng so.
• P o l i s h boy scout requires P o l i s h girl g u i d e , e x p e r i e n c e an a d v a n t a g e . A p p l y C h r i s G i z a , C h e m E n g 2. • " U n o catso duro non a consciencsa" see P a d d y A n d r w s , M E 3 for details. • C o a c h tours to see L o n d o n ' s greatest t o u r i s t a t t r a c t i o n in T r a f a l g a r S q u a r e . B a i l i n c l u d e d in p r i c e : f r o m £ 5 0 for 30 d a y stay (full b o a r d ) . F o r d a t e s , a p p l y " E r o s II", 517, L i n s t e a d H a l l . • L o n e l y Hippo s e e k s a c q u a i n t a n c e — to b e t r a y ? • L a r g e quantities of mud r e q u i r e d , for early m o r n i n g w a l l o w . A p p l y L i n s t e a d . •Encyclopaedia seeks dictionary for intelligent r e l a t i o n s h i p .
• Nascom-2 microcomputer, 32K R A M , P S U g r a p h i c s c h i p , in V e r o c a s e w ith s e p a r a t e k e y b o a r d e n c l o s u r e . Software includes Zeap, Nas-Dis/ D e b u g , P a s c a l etc. Offers a r o u n d £ 3 5 0 , R m 58, W e e k s H a l l . •Morris Traveller: 1966, n e w w o o d work, gearbox, reconditioned engine, r o o f r a c k , M o T , t a x e d until A u g u s t , n e e d s paint, £ 4 5 0 o n o . T e l 455-3945. • Y a m a h a RB100, P reg, 100,000 m i l e s , 1yr M o T , £ 1 5 0 . Honda C50, P reg, 4,000 m i l e s , £ 8 5 , Vauxhall Viva, H reg, 100,000 m i l e s , 1 yr M o T , t a x e d till O c t , £ 2 8 0 o n o . R i n g A l e x in A s c o t 23911 ext 289 or 22063 ext 5.
Rag A s y o u s h o u l d have read in M a r y ' s letter last F E L I X , I a m h o p i n g to change Rag's a p p r o a c h to collecting next year, by collecting o n charities' street licenses. T h e C C U s s h o u l d still be able to d o all the s t u n t s t h e y have i n t h e past—this time without getting arrested! H o w e v e r , this will m e a n that o u r designated charities are b o u n d to get less money, but I hope t o c u s h i o n this b y m a k i n g more in R a g W e e k . T h e best way is by s o m e sort of megastunt, for w h i c h we c a n be s p o n s o r e d — preferably by c o m p a n i e s as well as people, a n d attract media publicity. W e also need a n e m b l e m for n e x t y e a r : t h i s y e a r it w a s a kangaroo for R a g a r o o 82, but I d o n ' t want n e x t year t o be W a l l a b y 83. (It doesn't have to
r h y m e n e c e s s a r i l y , o r be a marsupial.) T o lure y o u away f r o m a n y remaining revision o r p o s t - e x a m celebrations (?), there will be a prize for a n y replies w h i c h w e adopt or adapt. (Subject t o m y discretion.) I w o u l d also like to hear a n y suggestions for next year's charities, with reasons, please. Please help relieve the strain o n m y tiney m i n d by replying to t h e Rag pigeonhole in I C U . John Ferguson Rag C h a i r m a n 1982/3
Community Action T h e S o u p R u n is continuing over s u m m e r for all students staying in the big city. T h e place: F a l m o u t h K i t c h e n s . T h e t i m e : 1 0 : 3 0 p m every Tuesday. Please help if you're a r o u n d .
Dancing
Club
T h i s has been another successful year for I C ' s thriving D a n c i n g C l u b , b o t h in terms of team results a n d a n enthusiastic m e m b e r s h i p . T h e r e were three major competitions during the year, the first of w h i c h was the S o u t h e r n Ball hosted b y Bristol U n i v e r s i t y , in w h i c h the t e a m was fourth overall. A t the Inter-Varsity Ball in S o u t h a m p t o n , I C were a disappointing eleventh, but this did not d o justice to the quality of the team's dancing. T h e c u l m i n a t i o n of the team's success was at the V a r s i t y M a t c h Ball hosted by O x f o r d . S i m o n C a r t e r a n d M e l a n i e C o o p e r were runners-up in the O p e n B a l l r o o m c o m p e t i t i o n a n d the L a t i n A m e r i c a n c o m p e t i t i o n w a s w o n by R i c h a r d W i l l i a m s a n d Sally B a r t o n . C o n g r a t u l a t i o n s to t h e m a n d many t h a n k s also for the k e e n involvement of V i c k y W e l s h a n d A l a n L o g a n (quickstep) and R e b e c c a M a y a n d A l a n E d w a r d s (jive). M e m b e r s are r e m i n d e d that lessons continue until M o n d a y , J u n e 2 1 , and those w h o are interested i n s u m m e r lessons should contact c o m m i t t e e m e m b e r s before the e n d of t e r m . T h o s e w h o w o u l d like to c o m p e t e for the team next year s h o u l d a p p r o a c h c o m m i t t e e m e m b e r s s o o n so that the team m a y be organised. O n behalf of the i n c o m i n g committee I w o u l d like to thank the outgoing c o m m i t t e e for their excellent w o r k a n d sustained c o m m i t m e n t to the club throughout the year. R. Daud President
Bookshop News R e c o m m e n d e d R e a d i n g L i s t s , t h e r e a r e s t i l l a n u m b e r of t u t o r s / t e a c h e r s / l e c t u r e r s w h o have not let us have these lists back yet. M a y I stress o n c e again h o w important it is for us t o have this information t o ensure that the b o o k s y o u want for your students t o have are in stock at the start of t e r m . O n c e we get that information, we c a n send out the o r d e r s . C o n s i d e r though that it takes o n average twenty w o r k i n g days from U K publishers and ninety w o r k i n g days from outside the U K for our orders to be p r o c e s s e d , y o u c a n see h o w little time we have. If by c h a n c e y o u r e c o m m e n d a title that is not available, we have to inform y o u a n d an alternative found. T h i s is all time c o n s u m i n g , so please your help in getting lists, correctly filled i n , b a c k to us is of the utmost importance.
Holiday Reading The Dreamers' D i c t i o n a r y - R o b i n s o n & C o r b e t t , S o u v e n i r P r e s s £6.95 A Traveller's Life-Eric N e w b y , C o l l i n s £8.95 Listener's Guide to J a z z - A l a n R i c h , B l a n d f o r d £4.95 Listener's Guide to the Blues-Peter G u r a l n i c k , B l a n d f o r d £4.95 Light of Evening-Pamela Street, P a v a n n a , £1.50 Z i g - Z a g - R i c h a r d T h r o n l e y , P i c a d o r £1:95 Ancestral V i c e s - T o m S h a r p e , P a n £1.50 F-Plan Diet-Audrey E y t o n , P e n g u i n , £1.50 London for the Disabled Visitor £0.95 Plus a wide range of novels, c r i m e , science fiction, a d v e n t u r e , humour, etc. H a v e a g o o d holiday! D o n ' t get b o r e d — b u y a b o o k !
FELIX, June 18, 1982
extent, justified a n d he typifies the breed of College administrator who believes that IC w o u l d r u n p e r f e c t l y if it wasn't for the students. T h e S h e r f i e l d B u i l d i n g s e e m s s t o c k e d up with quite a few of these characters and whilst I'm certain n o b o d y really wishes the C a p t a i n any bad will personally, we'd all be better off if he took a few others (including M o o n e y ) with him.
Continuity This year seems to have slipped by quicker than it takes to erect and demolish a partition. A t the end of a sabbatical year as F E L I X Editor it seems appropriate (for some reason) to l o o k b a c k a n d a s s e s s the U n i o n ' s performance. Besides that, it is m y last chance to say the things I've been meaning to say all year.
The College It w o u l d be all too easy to fabricate stories about gross cock-ups a n d the waste of money at Imperial College. B u t I really don't have to. I have always been surprised that one of the world's top educational institutions, c a n at times be run so badly. T h e College authorities are in theory the guardians of our welfare. Their job is to ensure that we receive an adequate education in our c h o s e n fields and that we have reasonable facilities for living, eating and recreation. T h e y are paid to do this a n d nothing else. W h a t do we get? After four years at I C I think that o n the academic side we are treated fairly well. M o s t undergraduate courses are reasonable, although the w o r k l o a d o n some ( p a r t i c u l a r l y e n g i n e e r i n g subjects) is a bit tough. I can't v o u c h for P C s but I'm sure the situation is not too bad. A p a r t from this we have a m i x e d deal. Because of the size of the College we are afforded fairly generous U n i o n facilities, but we suffer f r o m h a v i n g an a b y s m a l r e f e c t o r y service (which sinks further into the depths every year) inadequate residence facilities and we're h a m p e r e d by bumbling administrators.
Refectories I've n o t r e a l l y i n d u l g e d in p e t t y p e r s o n a l sniping at V i c t o r M o o n e y and his cronies, but the one thing in the forefront of my m i n d w h i c h a b s o l u t e l y r e e k s of i n e f f i c i e n c y a r e t h e refectories. M r M o o n e y takes the attitude that F E L I X digs up stories about h i m and his w o r k w h e n there is nothing else to do. T h i s is not so, but he uses this as a shield and has b e c o m e hardened- to criticism over the past twenty nine years. D u r i n g my four years at College I've seen the refectories go from being appalling to a b s o l u t e l y a p p a l l i n g . T h e r e are a captive clientelle (in m o r e ways than one!) of over 4,000 s t u d e n t s , all of w h i c h w a n t to eat reasonable food at decent prices. M o o n e y provides neither a n d instead of improving facilities he now takes the novel a p p r o a c h of closing them d o w n . I realise that he has a hard job a n d probably attempts to w o r k very h a r d , but after twenty-nine years of failure he should call it a day. I'm not a catering manager a n d can't offer complete solutions, but I'm sure some young blood could. So pack your bags V i c and retire.
Captain Lindley T a l k i n g of w h i c h M r M o o n e y ' s s u p e r i o r C a p t a i n L i n d l e y ( D o m e s t i c S e c r e t a r y ) is retiring at C h r i s t m a s (see news page). T h o se who were here last year witnessed the emergence of C a p t a i n Lindley into the limelight. M y predecessor had a great deal of fun at his expense and s u c c e e d e d in showing h o w awful senior administrators c a n be. A l l of the criticisms of old Salty are, to a certain
T h e great advantage w h i c h College have over the U n i o n is, of course, continuity. U n i o n officers are only elected for a year at a time and the College use their years of experience to full advantage. S o m e years c a n be pretty rough for the Sherfield Building. If the President, or F E L I X Editor for that matter, c a n shout loud enough a n d get the support of students, then the College c a n be forced into doing just about a n y t h i n g . Forced m a y s o u n d b a d , b u t believe me it is necessary when dealing with the Sherfield Building. T h e problem is that more often than not students are a disorganised rabble, most of which are more interested in being deadly boring or getting pissed than improving their lot. Student U n i o n officials often fall into this category—either that or they're so afraid of getting their fingers burnt that they allow the C o l l e g e to w a l k all o v e r t h e m . T h e b e s t example this year must be N i c k M o r t o n and the p r o p o s e d move to Southside. N i c k hasn't been a bad President, in fact on the whole (despite some major differences of opinion) he has been pretty good. H i s problem has been that he is far too g o o d natured and optimistic to spot College pulling a fast one. A s I've said to h i m on many occasions, it is no use giving a blanket approval for College schemes (like t h e S o u t h s i d e p l a n ) b e c a u s e y o u ' r e immediately in a weak bargaining position. What sort of concessions c a n you gain by agreeing outright? A t the same time College Secretary J o h n S m i t h can be likened to a foot in the door e n c y c l o p a e d i a s a l e s m a n . I t h i n k it's q u i t e obvious that the College would really like to get their hands on the U n i o n Building to use as part of Life Sciences a n d a post-experience centre and hence have come up with this marvellous scheme. J o h n S m i t h has successfully sold the idea to N i c k M o r t o n , claiming that it was for the U n i o n ' s o w n good that College want to spend £250,000 on the move a n d that the vacation of the present building is just an added bonus for them. If there is no firm opposition to this idea then the College will ease it through over two, three or even four years without anybody really noticing. Full plans, estimates of costs and so on will be held just out of our reach until it is too l a t e — " T h e nature of the w o r k is s u c h that we cannot tell you exactly that at this time," we will be told and eventually the tide of C o l l e g e b u r e a u c r a c y will c o n v i n c e the students union of two or three year hence that the idea has already been approved a n d that there is no turning back. I hope that if f u l l plans are not available next O c t o b e r and if we cannot be certain that the College will deliver the goods (and let's face it, on their r e c o r d c a n we afford to take that risk?) then you will all voice your opinions and make sure we keep our facilities.
The Union M o s t students seem to take little interest in U G M s and I can't blame them. I've attempted to keep F E L I X relevant to student affairs, concentrating mainly on internal matters, but the mass of irrelevant politically orientated
motions at U G M s only serves to increase the b o r e d o m that the officers' reports inevitably promote. There is nothing w r o n g with noble causes, but IC U n i o n is hardly the U n i t e d Nations and s o m e of the people who propose these items could be better employed with subjects a little closer to home. T o be quite honest I sometimes wonder why anybody gives a d a m n about the U n i o n . S o few people take any real interest a n d it usually falls to t h e m to sort out the mess others leave behind. C o p i n g with some of the moronic officials f r o m S h e r f i e l d is p u r e h e l l — m o s t n a v v i e s w o u l d p u t t h e m t o s h a m e in the intelligence stakes. But despite all this there seems to be s o m e r e w a r d s in w o r k i n g for the U n i o n . T h e admiration of your fellow students isn't w o r t h a tinker's cuss, but most employers recognise that it is better to take on people who have exhibited a lively character a n d c o m m u n i t y s p i r i t , r a t h e r t h a n s o m e of t h e d r e a r y individuals who c a n do nothing but work. That doesn't apply to many of y o u (thank G o d ! ) but as the employment situation has gotten worse there has been a m a r k e d decline in participation.
N i c k Morton This year's President has his faults, but I hope people recognise that he's been a lot better than most. H i s strength and weakness is his good nature, w h i c h lays him opent to attack from people like me and also makes him trust the College. N i c k has certainly w o r k e d hard for the U n i o n b u t I b e l i e v e t h a t his a p p r o a c h of cooperating with College (and keeping things quiet for long periods) is fundamentally wrong. W e c a n n o t t r u s t C o l l e g e to d o a n y t h i n g without a little gentle persuasion and we have to maintain a bargaining position. T h e y will take advantage of inexperience and misplaced trust at almost every opportunity so if you're n o t t o l d a b o u t a n y t h i n g by y o u r e l e c t e d officials then it suits them fine. I hope that I've managed to throw a few things into light this year and also that you'll show an appropriate reaction. R e m e m b e r that a little interest from a lot of people c a n go a long way.
Thanks There is far too little space to thank all those p e o p l e w h o h a v e b e e n of h e l p t o m e throughout my four years. Firstly thanks to the Physics department (especially R o b i n Smith and Brian M o r g a n ) for putting up with me and to all those in R C S U in my first year—it was a great year. This year's staff have been a great help: thanks to Peter Rodgers, Lesley H o r r o c k s (who is still a mega-star), Pallab G h o s h , M a r t i n S. T a y l o r , Steve G o u l d e r , D a v i d Rowe, D a v i d B r i t t o n , R a m z i S h a m m a s , N i c k T h e x t o n , Jane Williams, N . W i l l s o n , N i c k Bedding, Caroline G o d i n , S o h e e l , D ave G i l l , Alistair K i r k , the disgustingly funny Rich A r c h e r (sorry more haven't gone in!), D ave Jago, J e s , M o , Stuart, D a n u t a , P a u l B a i l e y , Izy a n d the r e g u l a r collators, and of course M a z Fellows and Ian M o r s e , I shall miss y o u all. A s p e c i a l m e n t i o n has to go to m y predecessor Steve Marshall for a great deal of fun a n d to M r s V a r y for always having a smile at tea time. I'll s o o n be off into the wide world of w o r k , but my ties with Imperial College will never be fully severed. Until next time—farewell!
FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of the Imperial College Union Publications Board, and is printed by the Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB (589-5111 ext 1048 int 2881) Copyright FELIX
1982. Editor:
M A Smith, Advertising
Manager:
S M
Giblin.