The Newspaper of Imperial College Union
CHELSEA TO BE PENSIONED OFF? Professor Randolph Quirk, Vice-Chancellor of the University of London has been attending a series of meetings at Chelsea this week with the aim of writing a draft proposal of intent to merge the college in accordance with the SARC Report. This is a plan to concentrate the science departments of the University onfivesites: Imperial, University College, Kings/QEC, Queen Mary College and the recently merged Bedford/Royal Holloway College. will not fall, they are skeptical as In a Union General Meeting their staff/student ratio is being y e s t e r d a y , C h e l s e a students cut. voted unanimously to oppose all Following Wednesday's demmergers and cuts, but they have onstration in the Kings Road in been told that if they do not s u p p o r t o f the N U S g r a n t s merge, their grant a l l o c a t i o n campaign, during which a road from the University of L o n d o n was b l o c k e d , C h e l s e a U n i o n will be cut further still. Already, Executive is confident that it has they have been forced to close enough activists to make their their two non-scientific departopposition heard. ments (Humanities and Social Studies) a n d they have been instructed to cut academic staff by a third before next year. The proposed merger follows only months after Kings and Q E C m e r g e d — t h i s time last year, moves were afoot to join Q E C with Imperial—and is the t h i r d such scheme since the S A R C reports. C h e l s e a is in m u c h the same p o s i t i o n as Bedford College, which had to close its internationally recognised classics department and form a split-site college with R o y a l H o l l o w a y thirty miles away in Egham. Chelsea Students U n i o n representatives have said that even if they are forced to merge, they will refuse to operate a s p l i t - s i t e system like that operating at Q E C , where students travel from Notting Hill to the Strand four times per week by bus. Although they have been assured that academic standards
No. 6281
twice, moving each name up one place on the 'ladder'; removing the name at the top and putting your name at number twelve, you then sell your lists to two people for £20 each, recovering the money that you have spent. T h e theory is that after a f u r t h e r twelve stages of the operation, there will be 2 lists with your name at the top, and An outbreak of chain letters is f r o m each of these you will sweeping through Imperial receive £ 2 0 — a total of £80,780. College. As many as five hundred T h e s y s t e m b r e a k s down students are believed to have because the money has to come taken part; some claim to have from somewhere. After twenty made up to £1,000 but most may steps, about a million people expect to lose out on the deal. have lists, and have to sell them The letters, which are believed on what is now a saturated to have originated in Dorset and market. A further step merely come into the College through doubles the number of people the Geology Department, protrying to sell the lists. The 'Gold mise a return of up to £164,000 Circle' system has certainly been for a short-term loan of £40 and through that many steps already, operate within a system known and a letter has been received as the ' G o l d Circle'. The profrom the University of London cedure is as follows: you buy a Union advising people not to list o f twelve names f r o m a friend for £20. Y o u then (in the buy the letters. The covering letter provided presence of your trusted friend) with the chain letter is remarkpost £20 to the person whose name and address is at the top of ably insidious, in that it encourcontinued on back page the list, and copy the list out
Chain Letters Hit IC
12
A Load Of Bull
A t last Thursday's U G M the R C S were p r o u d l y a b l e t o present 'Velish', the fearsome head of an Aberdeen Angus bull. T h i s fine s p e c i m e n w a s , as reported last week, the mascot removed f r o m the S c h o o l o f S l a v o n i c a n d East E u r o p e a n Studies (SSEES) with no greater opposition than the cries of a marauding tea lady. In return for the return of their mascot, the S S E E S have agreed to p r o v i d e s u f f i c i e n t enthusiastic volunteers to be able to raise a minimum of £50 for the R C S Rag collection on Saturday.
Two RCSU Officials with the stuffed bull's head. The stuffed head is in the middle.
I Friday, November 19, 19821
I Free!
Free Concert Consort Chamber Orchestra
Hoist St Paul's Suite Bach Brandenburg Concerto No 5 Helen Cass Violin Jonathan Heitler Flute Damian Wisniewski Harpsichord
DISCOUNT ON ALL SERVICES BY OUR HIGHLY TRAINED STAFF • ON PROD&CTION OF STUDENTS UNION CARD • 68 G L O U C E S T E R ROAD, L O N D O N SW7 Telephone: 01-584 7193 & 01-584 0858 HAIRDRESSING
FOR
WOMEN AND
MEN
• T h e R C A Refectory is available to students of Imperial College at the f o l l o w i n g t i m e s : after 1:00pm at lunchtimes and after 6:00pm in the evenings. I would be grateful if students would keep these times.
Small Ads •Flatshare: male person required for shared double room in seven person m i x e d flat at H a m l e t G d n s , rent £17pw. Please contact Graham Crossley Mech Eng 3 or Adrian Haines Life Sci 2. • Room (shared), C o m m o n w e a l t h Hall, Cartwright Gardens, near West End, s q u a s h courts and s n o o k e r tables, 2 meals weekdays, 3 meals at weekends, £ 3 3 . 7 0 p w . Chris Sroka, EE1. • W o u l d the person who stole my burgundy coloured bag (containing my lecture notes, and textbook on Genetic Engineering, and all my pens) from the girls changing rooms in Beit on Fri Nov 12 between 12:30 and 1:15pm, please return it to where you got it from or to the Biochemistry Department. Thank you. H Measures, Bioohem 3. • L o s t at Carnival: Grey nylon C & A skiwear jacket, black strips d o w n arms, substantial reward for finder who returns it promptly. Contact Dave Chaplin, Chem Eng 3. • L o s t : Red address book from Physics Level B. S'pose it's worth a pint. Dave Gahan, Physics 2.
Thank you Stephen Goulder ICU President VAWVWVWVVvWrVVW
1
•Collectors required for R C S U 24hr Rag street collection tomorrow, turn up at R C S U O f f i c e from 11:00pm today for cans and licences. • J o e y , what mark s y o u out as a r e p r e s s e d as w e l l as p r a c t i s i n g pervert, sentimentality towards children, Butley. • H e l p required for (National) B A Y S D A Y M a r c h 5 1983. Will i n c l u d e setting off balloons, giving directions, starting competitions, etc...at IC. For more details (no commitment) contact Frances Burke, Life Sci 1 letter-racks.
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1:00pm Wednesday 24 November Great Hall
• G a r y Elec Eng 3 I love your fluorescent balls—Marion, Chem Eng 1. •Flat to let: Self-contained basement s t u d i o flat, l a r g e , s u i t s s i n g l e or couple, in Bayswater area. Available from mid-December, rent £150pcm. Tel int 4581, 4529 or 723-2910 (eves). •Fiat 124, N reg, 1200cc, white, only 32,500 miles, with stereo cassette (4 s p e a k e r s ) , new e x h a u s t s y s t e m , batterye, tax till Feb 1983 and MoT till Oct 1983, £400. Telephone int 4581, 4529 or 723-2910 (eves).
sssssssssssssssssssss • L o s t Property: Security have several items of unclaimed property handed in since the start of term still awaiting o w n e r s . Items i n c l u d e : c a m e r a , c a l c u l a t o r s (2), m / c y c l e f l a r e s , u m b r e l l a s (3), r a d i o , b o o k s (2), jumpers (several), jackets (3), watches (2), address book, rings, etc. Callers to Room 150, Sherfield Building. Also would the student who called about a textbook last Friday please call back. Many thanks John Boroughs Security Officer
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• I C Dancing Club is holding their London Ball tomorrow in the J C R at 7:00. If you haven't bought a ticket yet, some will be available on the door. Competitions, spot prizes, general dancing, demonstration couple. All this for only £1.50. •Norman's coming, Sunday, Beit Arch 10:00am. • E n t s 4 Dobbers XI 3 The word has been spoken and the power begins to move. • P h y s i c s Wanderers scraped a 10;0 victory against a d e t e r m i n e d , well organised Wood Green side. PW rule North London. • P h y s i c s W a n d e r e r s d o it a g a i n ! (7/11/82) We came from behind to thrash Selkirk 5-3. PW rule IC Halls. • B - L a n d i n g strikes a g a i n — w h o ' s next? • L a r g e room available immediately for 2/3rd year or PG at More House, 53 C r o m w e l l R d ( o p p N a t H i s t Museum), £35pw inc breakfast and s u p p e r . C o n t a c t T h e W a r d e n or Miranda MacSwiney, 589-8433. • W h o in Guilds is standing for ICU President 1983/4 and why is Hissing Sid so anxious to help? Who is Hissing Sid? •Ritual burning of Mismoids by well established A V F C Appreciation mob. Contact M Smith, BE3. • Peter Howarth (EE1): So you couldn't quite make it on Saturday then? With love, the Lads (and Nora). • L o s t : One Charing Cross student nurse, situation desperate, please contact Alfie. • D i d S h a r o n r e a l l y h ave e v e n i n g duty? Answers on a postcard please. Prize very short weekend in two lain USA. A F •Frontal Lobotomy & brain damaged mutant modeling done by S W Hijohn, Aero 2. • T h e occupants of a certain Hall of Residence if the 'Voice of America' was much quieter (preferably silent). •Where is Toulaine?
I November 19, 19821
•Alternative Prospectus: If you want to tell sixth formersaboutthejoys of being a student at IC, the pleasures of living in London or any other excitement, you have experienced than write them down as an article for the Alternative Prospectus. Articles will be considered if delivered to the FELIX Office before February 1 1983. For further details contact Hugh Southey. C h e m Eng 1.
• A n n e , you probably can do a lot of hideous things, Butley. • IC Water P o l o C l u b , T h e r e ' s no Fosters in the Sahara. Just camels. Love Z Z Z Z Z • P y t h o n of Linstead 127: Thank you for coming so quickly—from Paris with love X. • L i f e Sci Drifters (LSD) 5 Z o o staff 1. Any c h a l l e n g e r s , contact A Slater (Zoo 2). • R o b e r t B e n y o n — 2nd year from Castellon. Please contact Chris Scott (CE3)—Lisa wants to see you. • B u t l e y : U n i v e r s i t i e s u s e d to be serious once. Edna.
RENETLY
154a Cromwell Road Next to British Airways Discount For students and staff Cuts: first visit £3, second and after £2.50; Shampoo, cut and blow dry: first visit £4.20, second and after £3.85.
O p e n M o n - F r i 9am-5pm; Sat 9am-12noon
I FELIX
Asbestos Tiles
Guilds' Show
A S T M S Union members have refused to work in part of the Mines Building in the belief that damaged asbestos tiles m a y constitute a health risk.
Last Saturday was the annual L o r d Mayor's or Guilds Show, and as usual Guilds had a float in it. This year, however, they had to have a float with the Operation Drake Fellowship because o f ' d y i n g student p a r t i c i p a t i o n ' . In fact G u i l d s were the only student float left in the show, since Barts and City were cast out completely, which peeved two City students who appeared at the start. The spirit of the occasion was consistently high, with Boomalakas for the L o r d Mayor, the cameras, the little girl on her daddy's shoulders who wasn't smiling
Centipede Assalted Social activities in Selkirk Hall will suffer as a consequence of v a n d a l i s m c a r r i e d out in the early hours of Saturday morning. A large quantity of salt was poured into the Centipede video game and one of the telephones, and costs of repair have been considerable. The profit sharing scheme which Selkirk has with the owners of the games machines enables social events to be subsidised. The cost of repairs has had to come from Selkirk's share of the profit and Warden Henry Hutchinson has pointed out that the entire Hall will be hit b y the a c t i o n o f a few irresponsible people.
Where Were They?
The car they did it in
Vive Le Beaujolais! Driving a Rover 2300S loaned by B L three members of the City & Guilds College Motor Club raced across France to a very creditable twelfth place o v e r a l l on the Beaujoiais Rally earlier this week. The Beaujolais Rally which celebrates the release o f the B e a u j o l a i s N o u v e a u wine is primarily a distance event where the car covering the shortest mileage between a vineyard in Villefranche (near Lyons) and B r i g h t o n wins. H o w e v e r , an important condition is that all c o m p e t i t o r s must c a t c h the 8:00am ferry from Boulogne to D o v e r o r be e x c l u d e d . T h i s means that an average of at least 45mph must be maintained. The crew, Chris Millard, John Vedy and Martin Kift, set off along with 124 other competitors from the vineyard on Sunday c o m p l e t e with ten cases o f Beaujolais N o u v e a u . Because they knew that their route would entail d r i v i n g down slower twisty c o u n t r y lanes as they
After refuelling and a change o f d r i v e r a n d n a v i g a t o r the Rover continued to make good time p a r t i a l l y due to a total disregard of French road traffic laws and eventually easily made the ferry, beating all the Porches and Ferraris. The British stint was supposed to be fairly leisurely, but delays at customs put the schedule back and again a high speed sprint was necessary—the car arriving at the f i n i s h with o n l y t w o minutes to spare. The crew, who hope to raise money for the mentally handic a p p e d by s e l l i n g the wine brought back, also came second in the charity class.
Professor K n i l l , H e a d of Department and Dean o f the Royal School of Mines, told F E L I X that there is no question of a dispute between the department and the A S T M S ; on the c o n t r a r y , the d e p a r t m e n t is doing everything in its power to resolve the matter. The Estates Department, he said, has taken a most responsible attitude to the affair, and that expenditure has been authorised for the work to be carried out. Doctor Hargreaves, the C o l lege Safety Director, said that independent surveys have been carried out and levels of asbestos dust in the air were found to be well below the permitted level. The Mines Building was erected well before the restrictions on the use of asbestos were implemented in 1969, but there is no question of danger from u n damaged tiles, and many tiles with a similar appearance have no asbestos content at all.
skirted Paris, a high speed stint
Only two of the College's twelve departmental representatives turned up to Monday's Council meeting, wh ic h was declared inquorate from the start. This will probably assist the move to remove Dep Reps from Council.
policy that Council members who miss two successive meetings without sending apologies are deemed to have resigned. T h e m e e t i n g has been r e arranged for next Monday.
O f the Council's forty-odd members, less than half turned up, and John Passmore objected to the meeting being opened without a quorum—much to the , annonyance of those who had turned up in the hope of getting through a great deal of Union b u s i n e s s . T h e m e e t i n g was adjourned, and Council Chairman Nick Pyne has sent out memos informing councillors of
Telephones Exchanged
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up the A 6 autoroute to Ausceme was essential. Unfortunately this was nearly thwarted by dense traffic on the autoroute and time was wasted queueing at tollgates however as they steamed further north the road cleared and a steady llOmph was maintained to the fuel stop at Sens.
The suspended ceiling-tiles in some rooms o f the G e o l o g y department have suffered from leaking water-pipes, and some are now efflorescing (that is, shedding asbestos dust). N o n academic staff have become increasingly concerned, and after a television documentary on asbestos-related diseases in industry, their U n i o n withdrew their services from the affected areas. They stressed that this was not a strike and that they would continue to work in other parts of the building. Their action will h a v e its g r e a t e s t effect o n industrial research work, which is a major source o f revenue to the College.
Sunday Times attacks Tebbit Hugo Young, the political editor of the Sunday Times, attacked the Conservative Party for being able to consider Norman Tebbit as a potential leader.
M a n y telephone calls o n the college switchboard were cut off yesterday afternoon. T h i s is because Kensington exchange is preparing to transfer to a new computer system next Thursday, and the problems are likely to continue until then.
I November 19, 19821
•
T a l k i n g to Wes t L o n d o n C a t h o l i c S t u d e n t s at M o r e House on Sunday, M r Young said that only five years ago M r T e b b i t w o u l d not have been taken seriously, yet he was the star of this year's party conference. He described M r Tebbit as an unpleasantly rascist and antiunion politician who expresses views which the rank and file of his party has held shamefacedly for many years. But now that B r i t i s h p o l i t i c s is t e n d i n g towards extremes, he claimed that the Conservative Party had discarded all social conscience.
IPage3
Multiple GrandMatricide Dear FELIX I a m w r i t i n g to c o m p l a i n a b o u t the size o f the p a v i n g stones i n the streets a r o u n d I C . O n average I tend to h i t a c r a c k i n the p a v e m e n t once every three strides. T h i s means that my g r a n d m o t h e r dies 1,000 times each d a y ! I f I were to try to a v o i d the c r a c k s , this w o u l d m e a n w a l k i n g l i k e a 1920s film, o r l e a p i n g a r o u n d as i f p r a c t i s i n g for the O l y m p i c t r i p l e j u m p record. In all honesty, c o u l d s o m e t h i n g n o t be d o n e , l i k e c h o p p i n g me o f f at the knees (preferably the t o p h a l f ! ) . Yours R o o m 114
Diwali Celebrations Dear Sir L a s t S a t u r d a y ( N o v 13) was the d a y o f the a n n u a l D i w a l i C e l e b r a t i o n s h e l d b y the I n d i a S o c i e t y i n the J C R . T h i s is b y f a r the biggest single f u n c t i o n h e l d by the society each year a n d attracts large contingents of I n d i a n / A s i a n students o f v a r i e d backgrounds from all over L o n d o n . S u c h a c r o w d o f diverse ethnic o r i g i n s w o u l d I presume dictate a f u n c t i o n t o be v a r i e d to suit most p e o p l e i f n o t a l l . A l a s the f u n c t i o n was n o t h i n g of the k i n d . T h e m a i n part consisted of ' P u n j a b i ' songs p u n c t u a t e d by a few ' H i n d i ' songs. T h i s session lasted for at least a n h o u r a n d a half. H a v i n g being throughly bored by now we were subjected to yet a n o t h e r piece o f P u n j a b i c u l t u r e : B h a n g r a d a n c i n g . T h e n f o l l o w e d the
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D i s c o a n d w o u l d y o u believe i t , yes, P u n j a b i songs h a d a l m o s t h a l f the share. A s a n o n - P u n j a b i m y s e l f a n d I a m sure s p e a k i n g for h u n d r e d s m o r e , I was thoroughly bored a n d frustrated a n d felt o u t - o f - p l a c e at t h i s function. I w o u l d l i k e to ask the P r e s i d e n t w hy was such a P u n j a b i - b i a s e d s h o w a l l o w e d to c a r r y o n w h e n he h i m s e l f assured us that " P u n j a b i biased f u n c t i o n s w o u l d n o t take place i f he were elected, as has h a p p e n e d i n the p a s t , " at his e l e c t i o n speech! I n d i a S o c i e t y is a society to cater f o r the needs o f a l l its m e m b e r s , w h o I assure y o u are n o t a l l P u n j a b i s . I c a n n o t see the p o i n t o f p a y i n g ÂŁ1.50 f o r the e n j o y m e n t o f one section o f the c r o w d w h e n h a l f o f t h e m were b o r e d sick a n d w o n d e r i n g w h y w e r e t h e y h e r e ! D i w a l i is celebrated a l l over I n d i a , n o t o n l y i n the P u n j a b . T h e P r e s i dent requires a lesson i n geog r a p h y as it seems he c a n n o t see f u r t h e r t h a n the P u n j a b ! I feel he has a lot o f e x p l a i n i n g t o d o to his f e l l o w m e m b e r s . Yours faithfully A Chakravarty ME PG
Civ Eng Dear FELIX W h e n I a p p l i e d to I C to s t u d y c i v i l e n g i n e e r i n g , I d i d so o n the u n d e r s t a n d i n g that the facilities for this course were some o f the finest i n the c o u n t r y . H o w e v e r , the d e p a r t m e n t c a n n o t c l a i m to p r o v d i e f o r a l l the needs o f its students where it does n o t i n s t a l l a c o f f e e - m a c h i n e , the l a c k o f w h i c h causes great h a r d s h i p , stress a n d e x e r c i s e to o v e r w o r k e d c i v i l engineers as we r u s h to the J C R a n d b a c k . W h y is it that i n f e r i o r d i s c i p l i n e s , s u c h as M e c h E n g a n d P h y s i c s , s h o u l d have their o w n coffee-machines? M o r e to the p o i n t , is it f a i r that we p a y 16p f o r coffee i n the b u t t e r y , w h i l s t physicists p a y a mere 9p? I tend to the c o n c l u s i o n that s o m e o n e has a p r o t e c t i o n racket o n here; I mean, w h o w o u l d p a y g o o d money for a cup of bitumen from M r M o o n e y w h e n he c o u l d enjoy a decent d r i n k at a f a i r e r price? A p a r t f r o m the prestige g a i n e d by the d e p a r t m e n t , students w o u l d feel f a r m o r e i n c l i n e d to a t t e n d lectures o n t i m e . It w o u l d also encourage contact between the years. Yours M A Gnus Civ Eng 1
Courtesy in FELIX Dear Martin U p o n g a i l y t r i p p i n g Into the F E L I X Office oi y I was c o n f r o n t e d by the vvoeful (alas a n d a l a c k ) sight o f an u n f o l d e d F E L I X . Whilst gathering together the assorted sheets a n d f o l d i n g t h e m i n the w r o n g order. I a t t e m p t e d a little t r i v i a l light conversation with a rather unsavoury gentleman with a b e a r d , s i t t i n g o n one o f y o u r tables d r i n k i n g coffee. I opened with an innocent s n i p p e t a b o u t the state of F E L I X , t h r o w n c a s u a l l y to the w i n d , a n d he r e p l i e d w i t h the subtle c h a r m and eloquent repartee o f a L i v e r p o o l d o c k e r with a c r o w b a r t h r o u g h his head. ;
Somewhat taken aback, and f e a r i n g he m i g h t ' d o s o m e t h i n g hasty l i k e tear me l i m b f r o m l i m b a n d feed me to the f o l d i n g machine, I wished h i m good-day a n d s a l l i e d hence t o m y place o f residence. It is n o w m y p a i n f u l d u t y to exact satisfaction for this affront, for which I demand either that y o u n a i l the o f f e n d i n g g e n t l e m a n ' s n a u g h t y bits to the rafters, o r that y o u p r i n t this letter a n d give me a free c u p o f F E L I X coffee, w h i c h e v e r costs y o u less t i m e , m o n e y o r step ladders. Yours pompously Andy Robinson DoCl P S : I a l w a y s t h o u g h t they were c a l l e d evangelists, not C a t h o l i c s . Dear Martin I was s i t t i n g i n the F E L I X Office last week d r i n k i n g tea weed when some obnoxious p o k e d his h e ad t h r o u g h the d o o r d e m a n d i n g a F E L I X . A s the f o l d i n g m a c h i n e h a d recently d i e d , said p u b l i c a t i o n was u n f o l d e d w h i c h s e e m e d to aggrieve said party greatly. W h e n I i n f o r m e d the gentlem a n o f his d e m o c r a t i c r i g h t to ask the E d i t o r to resign i f he felt he c o u l d d o the j o b better he flew i n t o a f r e n z y , h o l d i n g f o r t h w i t h a l l the force o f a w o o d elf. R e a l l y M a r t i n , I must q u e s t i o n y o u r p o l i c y o f letting plebs past the h a l l o w e d p o r t a l s of the F E L I X Office i f this is a l l they're going to do. Yours T h e h a i r y fat slob
November 19, 1982
Bodies Dear Sir or Madam I am writing in thorough disgust after m y recent p e r u s a l o f J o n B a r n e t t ' s little w h i t e b o o k i n w h i c h I was s h o c k e d t o f i n d no w a r n i n g to u n s u s p e c t i n g freshers o f the c e r t a i n activities o f p a r t i c u l a r bodies that e x h i b i t a c e r t a i n d u a l i t y a n d hence c a n be f o u n d i n t e r f e r i n g w i t h t h e m selves i n specific l a b o r a t o r i e s i n the i n f a m o u s d e n o f i n i q u i t y , the Blackett Laboratory. Being a second year physicist I was not o v e r l y s h o c k e d but* the t h o u g h t o f the a f o r e m e n t i o n e d p a r t i c u l a r bodie s e x h i b i t i n g this b e h a v i o u r i n places o p e n t o u n s u s p e c t i n g a n d i n n o c e n t first year students b r i n g s me t o ask f o r the e x p u l s i o n f r o m the C o l l e g e of all bodies using their wave-particle properties i n s u c h a n unseemly manner. D Ganger Physics 2 Paul Griffin
News (again) Dear Martin I n reply (if one is needed!) to G l y n G a r s i d e ' s accusations o f a n t i - s o c i a l i s t r e p o r t i n g i n last week's news: the reason f o r his attack seems to be that I d o not bias the news t o w a r d s his w a y o f t h i n k i n g . * I am therefore a Reactionary Capitalist, and because I d o n o t go i n f o r the e g o - t r i p o f p l a s t e r i n g m y name u n d e r every news i t e m that I write (eight last week) I a m c o w e r i n g b e h i n d the a g o n y m i t y o f the F a s c i s t Press! F o r a m e m b e r o f the D e b a t i n g S o c i e t y , M r G a r s i d e is r e m a r k a b l y u n f a m i l i a r w i t h the E n g l i s h language. The word 'betray' w h i c h he has w o r r i e d to death does not i m p l y a n attempt at subversiveness, b u t to ' i n d i c a t e or show sign (of)' (Collins Dictionary). I n p o i n t o f fact I agreed w i t h m u c h o f S i r A s h l e y ' s speech; p r e s u m a b l y i f I h a d let m y o p i n i o n s s h o w t h r o u g h the news article M r G a r s i d e w o u l d not have c o m p l a i n e d . I w o u l d p o i n t o u t that w h i l e we d i d edit o u r his n u m e r o u s spelling a n d grammatical errors, M r Garside might remember that it is better to keep silent a n d to be t h o u g h t s t u p i d , t h a n t o write illiterate letters t o F E L I X and remove all doubt. Yours arrogantly A d r i a n James • F o r w a n t o f a better w o r d
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Council C o u n c i l is the m a i n d e c i s i o n making body o f I C U n i o n , second only to theU n i o n G e n e r a l M e e t i n g i n its a u t h o r i t y . It o n l y meets three o r four times a term a n d yet last M o n d a y over h a l f its members failed t o show u p . I was not there either, even t h o u g h i t is part o f m y j o b t o attend. W h y this surge o f apathy by those w h o are elected representatives o f the student body? A n s w e r : o n l y t w o notes were sent o u t t o a d v i s e u s o f t h e meeting, one b y M a r y F r e e m a n last J u l y , a n d o n e w h i c h I received f o u r hours before the start o f the meeting.
Security M a n y p e o p l e are c o n c e r n e d a b o u t the a m o u n t o f theft f r o m the U n i o n G y m a n d other parts of the U n i o n B u i l d i n g , a n d C h r i s t i n e T e l l e r has w r i tten t o ask me t o ask y o u not t o leave clothing o r other valuables 1 1 1 1 1 111 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
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I ' M G L A D T O see that J M a r t i n T a y l o r hasn't totally retired f r o m the p o l i t i c a l scene at I C after his p r e s i d e n t i a l election defeat i n M a r c h last year. Second a n d t h i r d years w i l l remember that last year I C was overrun with Martin Taylors (four, actually) t w o o f w h o m , t o the best o f m y k n o w l e d g e , have left, one is F E L I X E d i t o r , a n d one, J M a r t i n T a y l o r , is n o w d o i n g a postgraduate course i n N u c l e a r F u e l s where he a n d his officemates spend m u c h time e x p l a i n i n g t o visitors that n o , this is not the M a r t i n T a y l o r this is s o m e o n e e l s e . G o d k n o w s what c o n f u s i o n w o u l d have reigned i f h e ' d succeeded i n his presidential c a m p a i g n . D u r i n g his career as a superhack, M a r t i n acquired a reputat i o n as a m a k e r o f l o n g b o r i n g speeches a n d this, together w i t h his c o m m e n d a b l e d e t e r m i n a t i o n to represent the views o f n o n h a c k s , mad e h i m m a n y enemies o n C o u n c i l . T h i s is a great p i t y , as he is a w a r m a n d sympathetic person w i t h a generous sense o f h u m o u r w h i c h he f r e q u e n t l y turns against himself, his m u c h m o c k e d n o r t h e r n accent a n d his frequent social gaffes. H i s classic quote concerned D a v i d O w e n : " H e was even more b o r i n g t h a n I a m ! " It takes a brave m a n t o mak e a j o k e like that. M o r e recently, at a n o u t i n g o f M a r t i n T a y l o r s , he demonstrated his aptitude for b e w i l d e r i n g his c o m p a n i o n s w h e n he studied a
FELIX
EDITORIAL unattended. (Why Christine T e l l e r , i n c i d e n t a l l y ? H a s she forgotten that she isn't D e p u t y President any more?) A n y t h i n g suspicious s h o u l d be reported to the U n i o n Office o r M r Reeves in Security i m m e d i a t e l y . Y o u s h o u l d also c a r r y y o u r U n i o n c a r d at a l l times; while the thefts c o n t i n u e , U n i o n officers w i l l be c a r r y i n g o u t spot checks, a n d anyone w i t h o u t a U n i o n c a r d is liable t o be t h r o w n out o f the building.
FELIX Dinner T h i s is o n D e c e m b e r 3, a fortnight today. T h e cost is £8.50 for a n n course m e a l , everyone is w e l c o m e a n d the guest speaker is S u e A r n o l d o f t h e Observer.
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DCLV/W restaurant menu f o ra few minutes before asking the F E L I X E d i t o r i n a l l seriousness " W h a t is a sausage?" Finally, to dinner with E n o c h P o w e l l d u r i n g his visit to College a f ew weeks back. M r P o w e l l h a d h i s meal at the R e c t o r ' s house i n the c o m p a n y o f L o r d Flowers, Stephen Goulder, several other i m p o r t a n t d i g n i taries a n d , as it h a p p e n e d , M a r t i n Taylor. The conversation turned t o M r P o w e l l ' s love o f p h i l o l o g y , a n d his a b i l i t y to speak twelve languages fluently. A n impressive pause was b r o k e n by a distinctive L a n c a s h i r e tone uttering i n p l o n k i n g voice " I ' v e got a n O - L e v e l i n F r e n c h , " w h i c h effectively silenced further c o n v e r s a t i o n for the next t e n minutes.
N a m e s t o the F E L I X Office b y T u e s d a y l u n c h t i m e , please. Postdated cheques w i l l be accepted.
Copy Deadline W h e n M a r y F r e e m a n resigned I p r o d u c e d a one page F E L I X i n three hours a n d everyone was full o f praise. E a c h week I p r o d u c e a sixteen page F E L I X in forty-eight hours (three days, a l l o w i n g me eight hours sleep) a n d everyone is i n c r e d u l o us that I need so m u c h t i m e . C o p y deadline is 1730h M o n d a y , a n d a n y t h i n g received after that time m a y not g o i n . I also reserve the right t o cut letters a n d s m a l l ads w h i c h are excessively silly, l o n g or a n o n y m o u s .
FELIX Staff T h a n k s t o a l l the people who responded t o last week's carrot. S t a f f p r o b l e m s are sorting t h e m s e l v e s o u t , although we c o u l d still d o w i t h more helpers, p a r t i c u l a r l y o n Wednesday evening.
Impossible Without N i c k B e d d i n g a n d N i c k Hill for reviews, D a v e P a r r y for photog r a p h y , A d r i a n James, John V e d y , H o w a r d B e l l , Viv Draper for news (four o f t h e m — a new record!), Pinocchio and W a l k a b o u t - L o o k s e e for their respective c o l u m n s , Bow-tie for R o y f , R o y f for b u y i n g us drinks, C h r i s M a l l a b a n d for sports, H u g h Southey f o r What's On, C a r o l i n e F o e r s f o r Clubs and S o c i e t i e s , P e t r a Barry, Nick P y n e , M a r k S m i t h , Andy Wood a n d D i a n e L o v e f o r pasting-up, a l l the S T O I C h a c k s who collate, M a z , Peter a n d a n y errors or omissions.
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aggressive U l s t e r accent snapped " A r e y o u the R e c t o r , t h e n ? " L o r d F l o w e r s , u n f l a p p a b l e as ever, r e m a r k e d b l a n d l y " I a m s o m e t i m e s " w h i c h must be one o f the few recorded attempts at rectorial h u m o u r . A L L T H I S N O N S E N S E about c h a i n letters ( w h i c h the E d i t o r a n d N e w s E d i t o r have started c a l l i n g ' C h a i n M a i l ' ) r e m i n d s me
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o f one m y father was sent several years ago. A f t e r all the usual guff a b o u t s e n d i n g copies to four friends, m o v i n g names around a n d a d d i n g y o u r own name to the foot o f the list, it continued " N o w b u n d l e u p y o u r wife and send her to the address at the top o f the list; w i t h i n three weeks y o u w i l l receive 1,024 women f r o m a l l different parts of the country."
ROY FRANCIS L R
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T H E D I F F I C U L T I E S of m a k i n g light c o n v e r s a t i o n w i t h i m p o r tant p e o p l e are c o n s i d e r a b l e , t h o u g h . It is said that L o r d ' R a b ' Butler, when Master o f Trinity C o l l e g e , always used to bandage up his h a n d before meeting undergraduates i n order to p r o v i d e a n i m m e d i a t e topic o f c o n v e r s a t i o n . N o such excuse was needed b y gangling F E L I X Business M a n a g e r Peter Rodgers w h e n faced w i t h L o r d F l o w e r s o n a social occasion. H e l o o k e d his straight i n the eye a n d i n his
AVAILABLE FOR CABARET, F r o m the newspaper The Stage.
November 19, 1982
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[OPINION I
Exposing the Nazi-Zionist Connection — A Jewish Viewpoint Are the Israelis the new Nazis? This is the clear question behind last week's article 'The Palestinian Holocaust' Use of the phrases 'holocaust', 'genocide' and 'concentration camps in the Second World War' combine to create the impression that driven by 'the Zionist aim to create an exclusively Jewish state in Palestine' the Israelis are mercilessly butchering the Palestinian people. p
Menachem Begin has used the
article are trying to imply that
Holocaust to justify some of his actions over the years, much to the horror of those Jews and non-Jews who wish to see the memory of that unimaginable period preserved as accurately as possible, as a warning for future generations. Right wing revisionist h i s t o r i a n s , i n a far m o r e extreme manner, have taken a cavalier attitude to the facts of the Holocaust, maintaining that Hitler did not know about the murder of the Jews and that in any case six million Jews were not r e a l l y k i l l e d . T h i s v i l e nonsense is publicised by the National Front and other similar groups.
Zionism is Nazism, an intensely offensive accusation to Jews, and to anybody with an awareness of the past forty years of history.
Now, alas, it would appear that the H o l o c a u s t is to be abused for political purposes yet again, in the way in which last week's article c y n i c a l l y o v e r states what could have been a perfectly legitimate case. The Israelis are not running a 'concentration camp' in Southern Lebanon. Even if the Israelis were torturing every Palestinian in this camp (and there is not a shred of evidence to support such a ridiculous claim) it is hard to imagine that they are gassing Palestinians, turning their bodies into candles or p e r f o r m i n g atrocious medical experiments on them, to mention but a few of the more notable crimes committed by the Nazis. The 'genocide at Sabra and Chetila' was a terrible blot on the record of all involved and an appalling human tragedy. But 'genocide' means the destruction of an entire people which it was not. Again the word 'holocaust' is totally unreasonable in the context, vastly overstating in its implications, the actual events in Lebanon (bad as they were).
Peace Now The sad part of this article is that much valid (and much invalid) criticism of Israel has appeared recently in the Western Press (and in the Israeli press) and these points alone w o u l d be quite sufficient to establish that the Palestinians have suffered recently in Lebanon and will continue to suffer as refugees u n t i l some r e s o l u t i o n to the conflict in the Middle East is found.
The article mentioned with praise the Peace Now movement in Israel who have (and continue) to speak openly for Palestinian rights and an eventual solution b a s e d o n the p a r t i t i o n o f Israel/Palestine. However, Peace Now are also Zionists and even the most moderate Peace N o w members w o u l d f i n d it hard to sit down and talk with an extremist who claims that Z i o n i s t s are n o better t h a n Nazis. The other side of the lack of objectivity of the article was the w h i t e w a s h i n g o f the P L O ' s attitude towards Israel over the years. Under the subtitle ' P L O peacemakers' we were told that "the P L O . . . h a s always sought towards finding a peaceful solution to the conflict." When Y a s s e r A r a f a t s p o k e to the United Nations it is true that he h e l d an olive b r a n c h i n one hand. He held a submachine gun in the other. More importantly, the covenant of the P L O calls explicitly for the destruction of the State of Israel and replacing it by a "secular, democratic" Palestine. T o a c h i e v e this it c a l l s fo r " a r m e d s t r u g g l e " a n d the expulsion of the Zionist settlers (ie Israeli Jews from, presumably, 1897). This is not a peaceful, diplomatic approach. It would have been argued that terrorism has been necessary for the Palestinians to make their
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It seems to the Jewish Society that the use of these emotive expressions and the tone of the
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v o i c e h e a r d ; h o w e v e r , last week's article attempts to deny any but peaceful actions to the P L O , once again indulging in a completely pointless hiding of the truth.
Mutual Recognition The official policy of Imperial College Jewish Society, along w i t h the U n i o n o f J e w i s h Students to which it is affiliated, is mutual recognition of Jewish and Palestinian rights, and that any future settlement should be on the basis of this fundamentally important recognition. A t the formation of the IC Friends of Palestine Society the suggestion was made by the Jewish Society that it may be possible to find common ground based on one policy, towards putting forward a joint motion on Israel/Palestine theory in the Union (an event which in a small way would make history!). This was due to the very reasonable speeches given by some members of the Palestine S o c i e t y — i m p l i c i t l y recognising the right of Israel to exist and calling essentially for a Palestinian State on the West Bank and G a z a (yes, this is also Peace Now policy). We chose to set aside as atypical a disturbing speech of solidarity by a member of the Islamic Society, calling for the Jews to pack up their bags and leave Israel " i n p e a c e " , before they are t h r o w n out " h a r s h l y " , by force. We are now publicly repeating this offer to the F r i e n d s o f P a l e s t i n e S o c i e t y w i t h that warning that if the extremism so blatantly shown in last weeks article is the true mark of the society any communication will have to cease. Comparison of the Nazi Holocaust to the recent events in L e b a n o n is just as offensive to Jews as the rantings of the lunatic right wing on the same subject. If there is to be a d i a l o g u e between Jews a n d Palestinians (and between Israel and the P L O in the long term) this must be on the basis of m u t u a l u n d e r s t a n d i n g of the feelings o f e a c h s i d e . C o n s e q u e n t l y , it w o u l d be v e r y welcome if the leaders of the F r i e n d s of Palestine Society would be prepared to publicly disassociate themselves from the disgraceful comparisons in their (anonymous!) article, and we challenge them to do so. D Rickman pp IC J Soc
I November 19, 19821
I FELIX
To NUS or not to NUS is a perennial question in many students' unions, and ICU is no exception. Five years ago we voted to stay out; now, in view of the NUS grants campaign, many students feel that it may be time to reconsider the decision. PHIL NATHAN puts the case for reaffiliation
NUS: The Case For Reaffiliation Five years ago, Imperial College students decided in a campus-wide referendum to withdraw from the National Union of Students (NUS) The decision was made on a margin of about fifty votes out of 1,500 votes cast. Many people still believe that the students' union should still be in the NUS, and at the next Union General Meeting on December 7, a motion will be heard, calling for the referendum required for reaffiliation. Why should you vote for a referendum, and then, ultimately for re-affiliation? How can NUS help us? (1) Representation to Government The main work of the N U S is in the annual grant claims made to government. Last year the grants campaign brought in for university students a 4 % grant increase. In other words, it netted on behalf of Imperial students more than £200,000. The Department of E d u c a t i o n and Science recognises o n l y one r e p r e sentative student body, the N U S , and this is the organisation the D E S consults when it is considering any aspect of student welfare, be it housing, prescription charges or parental grant c o n t r i b u t i o n s . N U S is the organisation that Members of Parliament consult before making up their minds on many different things that effect our lives. It is the strength of N U S with its 1.2m members which gives us a 4 % grant increase; no indivdiual students union could manage this on its own. 1.2m student voters united in a grants' claim form an extremely powerful lobbying body. The N U S negotiates for our grants, we should join and support it. The N U S has fought effectively a g a i n s t the i n t r o d u c t i o n o f student loans and has been the major force in opposing them for many years; it has managed to organise surveys in other parts of the world where the loans system does operate and has gone back to government with concrete evidence that shows loans have a higher rate of d e f a u l t , cause an e x p e n s i v e system of administration, and
FELIX1
Phil Nathan prevent poorer students from entering further education. Only a national body like N U S can do things like this. In o p p o s i n g student loans, it has been worth its weight in gold. The recent defeat of the new, government proposed crippling grant regulations, was due largely to the skilful lobbying and representat i o n o f the student case, t o ' members of parliament, carried out by N U S . The amount of misery and financial strain that the N U S has saved us in helping to defeat these government plans is not possible to measure but in financial terms it must be far g r e a t e r t h a n the 9 % o f o u r student grant r e q u i r e d for affiliation.
(2) Services to Students The student railcard came about after N U S negotiations with
British Rail and over the years this has saved individual students pounds and pounds. The International Student Identification C a r d (ISIC), giving discount travel for all over Europe and further, along with many other advantages, was brought about through the work of the N U S . Those of us who insure with Endsleigh, are involved with a company that was set up by N U S . It supplies cheaper insurance and better i n s u r a n c e schemes, designed specifically for students. There are many, many other ways in which the N U S helps students, the national discount scheme, legal protection, welfare services, national competitions, a national student newspaper and much more.
(3) Helping Our Students Union D o you think our student union works effectively and efficiently? In the past year more than 2,000 u n i o n officers have attended N U S training courses. The N U S development and training department has recently devised a special accounting system for student unions which is now used in more than 350 unions. In addition sabbatical regional officers are o n h a n d to give advice and assistance in negotiations with College (refectory boycotts!!) and local authorities, to all the unions affiliated to N U S . They are also equipped to give expert help and advice on the financial control, administ r a t i o n a n d d e v e l o p m e n t of student unions. The evidence for supporting N U S a n d j o i n i n g it is o v e r whelming; yet what were the reasons put forward for disaffiliation five years ago. A . It was said that N U S was ineffectual and badly organised. H o w do those in favour of N U S membership counter this? The answer is quite simple and can be provided by three M P s : "NUS is highly professional and argues the case of students extremely well. " - S i r W i l l i a m van Straubenzee, T o r y M P and former Junior Education M i n i ster. "NUS is one of the country's most effective educational pressure groups." - Shirley Williams, S D P Leader, Former Secretary of State for Education. "The work of NUS is essential in campaigns against education cuts." — Neil Kinnock, Labour Shadow Education Minister. N U S is not perfect, but it is organised well and though it may be difficult for some to a c c e p t , N U S is a w e l l c o -
November 19, 1982
ordinated and effective student organisation. B. Lefties: this is no kind of reason for anything; however it was said that the organisation was dominated by 'trots' and 'commies'. A l l N U S Executive m e m b e r s are d e m o c r a t i c a l l y elected at N U S conference—they have included Socialist, Conservative, C o m m u n i s t , L i b e r a l and L a b o u r students. The d o m i nant grouping for the last five years was the 'left alliance', a coalition including Liberal and Labour students, but now the Labour Students hold sway. O f course political colour makes little difference since elected members are all committed to student welfare and that's what counts. Few would argue that their efforts have not been of great benefit to students. C . Finance: The most foolish and short-sighted reason — ' L o o k , we can save 9% o f our student grant,' it was said, 'the money is just being wasted'; but N U S repays over and over again the affiliation money in grant claims, welfare services, discount schemes, etc. Because N U S is not seen to hand a lump sum of money back to the U n i o n which pays the affiliation fee, 'blind' people said it was a waste of money. D . Undemocratic: Five years ago it was the case that not all delegates to the national conferenc e were d e m o c r a t i c a l l y elected. A t the last conference a motion calling for all delegates to be elected in cross-campus b a l l o t s was p a s s e d b y t h e required two-thirds majority, and when it is passed again at the c o m i n g c o n f e r e n c e , a l l delegates will be democratically elected. A t the present moment in time Imperial College students live off the backs of other students in this c o u n t r y ; g a i n i n g m a n y advantages of N U S without contributing anything and having no say in the way student views are put to Government or a n y o n e else. A vote for a referendum on December 7 will allow democratic discussion about N U S , will allow all students to have a say; a n d reaffiliation will bring us back into the community of students; will give us more N U S benefits and will improve the running o f our student union. O u r era o f parasitism will be over.
Vote for a Referendum on Dec 7 Philip Nathan Biochem 3 IC Liberals
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Heaven 0 Armaments 1 Major Barbara by Bernard Shaw. Directed by Peter Gill. The Cottesloe, National Theatre. Major Barbara is one of three plays by w h i c h S h a w converted the theatre into a forum of ideas and debate, where audiences c a m e to be p r o v o k e d and to be forced to think. T h e theme in the play is poverty, and what c o u l d or should be done about it. The argument is fought between Undershaft, the world's greatest armaments manufacturer (played by Brewster M a s o n ) , and his daughter B a r b a r a , a major in the Salvation A r m y (played by Penelope Wilton). T h e play was written in 1905, at a time when Britain was at the summit of her Imperial power and was the world's second biggest armaments exporter, and also, at a time when it was claimed that one person in ten 'lived below the standard of the L o n d o n cab-horse'. Major Barbara appears today to have lost none of its relevance. A frighteningly large proportion of Britain's population lives on or below the officially designated poverty line, and this at a time when the G o v e r n m e n t is spending more on defence than any other country in E u r o p e , and is still selling upwards of £ 7 0 0 m w o r t h of a r m a m e n t s a y e a r i n s e c r e cy to various governments throughout the world. T h e play holds interest at the very outset. S h a w was a vociferous atheist, and an equally vociferous socialist. W o u l d he c o m e d o w n on t h e s i d e of t h e S a l v a t i o n A r m y a n d the K i n g d o m of H e a v e n , or on the side of the seller of a r m s (called T h e Prince of D a r k n e s s by his family)? Undershaft wins, but not easily and not clearly. T h e argument is c on du c ted as the Undershaft family is led around the factory, and S h a w argues equally eloquently and cleverly for each side. Undershaft claims that poverty is a crime, a n d the high wages and organised welfare arrangements with which he saves his workers from the degradation of p o v e r t y c o n t r a s t favourably with his daughter's modest charitable rations to the down-and-outs in the Salvation A r m y ' s hostel. But Undershaft's philosophy extends further. H e firmly upholds the armourer's faith: 'to give a r m s to all m e n who offer an honest price for t h e m , w i t h o u t r e s p e c t of p e r s o n s o r principles'. H e abhors politicians and others w h o classify, label a n d even c o n d e m n large sections of the world's populace. W h o has a right to pass judgements of this kind, a n d on what basis?
is certainly m u c h better than Jonathan Lyon's recent production of Shaw's Arms and the Man at the Lyric Theatre, a n d The Dark Lady of the Sonnets and The Admirable Bashville at the O p e n A i r Theatre in Regent's Park last summer. T h e N T production is r e c o m m e n d e d for lovers of S h a w a n d anyone who likes a good argument. Nick Bedding
WALKABOUTlOOKStt by
Worth Missing A Meal For? D i a r y of a H u n g e r S t r i k e b y P e t e r Sheridan, directed by Pam Brighton, Hull T r u c k Theatre C o m p a n y at the Round House. A s the title suggests this play examines the c o m p l i c a t e d issues of the recent H - B l o c k hunger strike. T h e production was not too biased towards the I R A cause (though some would say it was biased merely because the subject was presented at all). T h e a p p r o a c h was that of a diary, with both warder and inmate expressing their emotions and opinions. T h e arguments from both sides of the N o r t h e r n Ireland dispute were offered, so whilst there was nothing new in t h e m , at least it provided an education for the apparently allA m e r i c a n audience w h i c h surrounded me. The most important point which appeared in the play was the lack of interest in N Ireland shown by the British. This was shown by the naivety of the T o r y peer played by James W y n (which reflected that of the newly-elected M r s
T h a t c h e r , who thought she could solve the problems of the Province in a few months). S e c o n d l y , the p r o t e s t a n t p r i s o n w a r d e r (Christopher Whitehouse) who recognised that the British consider Ulstermen to be Irish whilst Irishmen regard them as 'Brits'. Finally, this British lack of interest is illustrated by the replacement warder (Alan Buckingham) who is English right d o w n to the L o n d o n accent and talks only of S p u r s Football C l u b while the rest of the prison is experiencing the tension of the imminent death of a hunger striker. T h e moral of this review is 'don't sweep N o r t h e r n Ireland under your carpet'. G e t over to the R o u n d H o u s e before D e c e m b e r 4. Nick Hill
Mobile
Optics
Inc.
C h r i s t m a s is coming, the goose is getting fat, Kindly put a penny in the old man's hat; If you haven't a penny, a ha'penny will do, If y o u haven't got a ha'penny then got bless you. E c h o i n g the s p i r i t of t r a d a n o n a b o v e , though not the scansion, Walkabout took me along B r o m p t o n R o a d towards Knightsbridge: C h r i s t m a s is coming, chestnuts are being roasted on the pavement, the windows at H a r r o d s are full of be-ribboned, be-baubled C h r i s t m a s trees and the facade is festively outlined by a seemingly-endless string of light bulbs. Before y o u get thoroughly bored with the concept of C h r i s t m a s 1982, and before your grant runs out completely, visit H a r r o d s and enjoy the ultimate commercial X m a s . In 1849 H e n r y C h a r l e s H a r r o d , a t e a merchant, took over a small grocery shop in M i d d l e Queen's Building (now B r o m p t o n Road): he had a turnover of £20 a week and employed two assistants. Following the G r e a t Exhibition of 1851 in H y d e P a r k , Knightsbridge grew from an area infamous for its highway robberies, to a fashionable district. H a r r o d ' s business prospered, expanded, and has never looked back. The first escalator in a L o n d o n store was installed in H a r r o d s , in 1898. In July 1981, a new bank of escalators was opened on the west side of the store. They are faced in R o m a n travertine marble and incorporate a
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSeBSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSaBSi
waterfall from the first to the ground floor! C u r r e n t l y , w o r k is i n p r o g r e s s o n t h e escalators o n the cast side: y o u c a n ride up on copper-coloured tradition, and d o w n o n silvergrey modernity. Carvings from A r c t i c C a n a d a T h e ' A r t R e f l e c t i o n s ' g a l l e r y , n e x t t o the Georgian Restaurant o n the fourth floor, offers a short excusion into the visual arts. The gallery contains a small and changing exhibition of Limited Edition reproductins and objets d'art, a n d also a collection of original E s k i m o (Inuit) sculpture. The E s k i m o carvers work mostly in s o a p s t o n e , w h i c h c o m e s in s o f t l y - m o t t l e d s h a d e s of g r e e n a n d g r e y . T h e l i t t l e
i figures—hunters, birds and beasts—are smoothly polished, and their clear, streamlined shapes have a class simplicity and beauty. The sculptor's aim is to release the spirit contained in each piece of stone; a n d between them, sculptor and spirit produce the likeness of a seal, bear, or whatever. T h e beauty of the piece appears to be incidental, as there is no w o r d 'beautiful' in the Inuit language. H a r r o d s Limited " H a r r o d s must be a showpiece w h i c h attracts visitors from both home and overseas, not only as a trading store, but as a supremely different place of interest...(the) wide range of high quality merchandise must always be seen t o be g o o d v a l u e for m o n e y , t a k i n g into account the atmosphere and style of Harrods*
Mr Mooney eat your heart out!
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statement of policy, w h i c h explains the store's objectives a n d its raison d'etre. T h e y are aiming at discriminating customers, whatever their social class. S o , as y o u roll your eyes at the p r i c e of a t i n of d r y - r o a s t p e a n u t s , remember that y o u are paying in part for the plushy, stylish decor (where else does meat Hall have a preservation order on it because of its o r i g i n a l V i c t o r i a n tile friezes?), for the helpful (...well usually, avoid over-crowded Saturday afternoons) staff, for the free delivery within a thirty mile radius, etc, etc. H a r r o d s is on the flashy side of smart: their r a z z m a t a z z a p p r o a c h is undeniable, nevertheless C h r i s t m a s at H a r r o d s is extravagantly and c h i l d i s h l y fun. D a r t h V a d e r w i l l make a personal appearance in the T o y F a i r , on the third floor, on N o v e m b e r 20, and F a t h e r C h r i s t m a s will arrive there o n N o v e m b e r 27 and stay till C h r i s t m a s Eve.
I
In the F o o d Halls, on the ground floor, H a r r o d s are presenting a range of C h r i s t m a s gift boxes, brimming with fine food and wine. T h e ' S u p r e m e ' (the hamper of a liftetime, £1 , 00 0! ) is s t u f f e d w i t h e v e r y c o n c e i v a b l e C h r i s t m a s goody, from a gallon of G l e n f i d d i c h whisky, through multicoloured Sobranie cocktail cigarettes, to a storage jar of H a r r o d s Brandy Butter. If you're not that greedy, or not that wealthy, but still looking for something a little special to take home, you'll find delicious, pure butter H a r r o d s shortbread in the B a k e r y ( g r o u n d f l o o r ) . P e t t i c o a t T a i l s (400g) and Shortbread Fingers (500g) come in pretty, r o u n d and oblong tins respectively, at £1.95 each.
T h e argument, as may be expected, covers a great many other issues. H o w e v e r , the usual S h a v i a n s i l l i n e s s p e r v a d e s the p l a y like a lingering farmyard smell: the rapacious lady of the family, played by Sian Phillips, is a L a d y Britomart; the great Undershaft enterprise m u s t a l w a y s be i n h e r i t e d b y a f o u n d l i n g ; B a r b a r a ' s sweetheart (played by N i c h o l a s Jones) who takes on the enterprise at the end of the play, is a Professor of G r e e k ; a n d the embarrassing member of the family, C h a r l e s L o m a x (played by m a r k Tandy), wallows in insouciant verbal laziness and exclaims " O h , I s a y ! " all the time. A l l very silly.
©
T h i s is a g o o d production of Major Barbara, but I fear the pace is rather fast towards the e n d a n d it becomes a job to keep up. T h e play
I November 19, 19821
Where, W h e n , £? H a r r o d s is at t h e K n i g h t s b r i d g e end of B r o m p t o n R o a d , open 9:30am - 7:00pm on Wednesday, 9:00am - 6:00pm o n S a t u r d a y and 9:00am - 5:00pm otherwise. L o o k i n g is for free; t e m p t a t i o n s s t a r t at l O p a n d r i s e o n a logarithmic scale!
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it J M D T
F L O W E K S
10 PINTS A WEEK? ...OR A DECENT LIVING FOR STUDENTS? £5.00 A W E E K A n increase in the main rate of £5.00 a week (with the London w e l l London students a yearly award of £2,136, compared to £1,831 joul hare a fight on our hands at the moment to maintain the Lom D . E . S . is thinking of scrapping; it is quite clear that Londi grant to meet the higher cost of living of London.
END T H E PARENTAL G B m O B U T I C Phased abolition of the parental contribution, ami the threshold to be najhldaiitf year to £9,000 (i.e., i f the parent's income is under £9,000, m y do not h a v n ^ m l t i b u t e ) from the present level of £6,000. W e want a f u l l , non means tested f o r a l l students.
£25 M I N I M U M F O R A L l t f N F U R T H E R E D U C A T I O N M i n i m u m allowance for a f s t e n t s in higher education, h i liae with the Youth Training Scheme allowance. •* *
Seer and Bangers Wednesday November 24, 5:30-7:00pm 170 Queensgate Names to Jen in the Unl->n Office by 1:00pm Tuesday Nov 23. Freshers particularly welcome.
Unreasonable? I talabljhat would agree with the vast majority of students all ove^ the couatry thaMliese are not outrageous clahn*. You may W a n m l n d to bear, then, that these j p # b e Main campaigning points that the N . U ^ i s tryiaa^|»%iu for as. At #gpceat>,, press coufereace, when Niel StewarT^HMMced the campaign program aad Its alms, utfny of the Jo««ali«t«praaenl did not believe t o n many students j e t leas that £20 a week. If the press are ignorant of how badly off many students are, thea It seems hardly surprising that the public at large have the Image of the students that they do.
We need your help to set the record straight. Come either to the march from Malet Street at 12.30 p for both) I See you
M i n i n g and M e t a l l u r g i c a l Royal
School of
Society
Mines,
College
Imperial
3rd Robert Pryor Memorial Lecture Sir Peter
Baxendell
C h a i r m a n Shell T r a n s p o r t and T r a d i n g
ICU H A N D B O O K EDITOR(ESS) REWARD: Six free weeks in Hall.
T h e Diversification of O i l Companies into Mining
18 0 0
For further information contact:
M i k e Prosser (Elec E n g ) Peter Rodgers (Physics)
Papers g o u p i n the U n i o n B u i l d i n g o n M o n d a y . T h e election will be held at the Publications B o a r d meeting o n T u e s d a y D e c e m b e r 7. N o e x p e r i e n c e n e e d e d ( n o c o w b o y s please).
PagelO!
November 19, 1982
Company
hours
Monday
22nd
Mechanical
November
Engineering
Theatre
M E 220
Imperial
College
Refreshments
1982 Lecture
SW7
from
17-00 h o u r s
FELIX
ICLUBS & SOCIETIES! RSM I hope everyone enjoyed their day d o w n in Cardiff a n d it was g o o d to see that we taught t h e m a bit about singing songs a n d boat races (to the extent they had to start cheating!). T h a n k s very m u c h to everyone w h o helped out at the O p e n D a y . T h e students who a t t e n d e d a l l s e e m e d t o t h i n k it w a s w e l l worthwhile. N a m e s are n o w being t a k e n for the M i n e s Ball ( D e c 17). T i c k e t s are £28 (for a double) a n d although that might s o u n d expensive it includes a four course meal, cabaret, disco and bars. W e will accept post-dated cheques (till next term) so get y o u r name d o w n to the U n i o n Office n o w . I suppose there are not many of y o u out there w h o are aware that the R S M possesses a motorised mascot, but let me assure you that C l e m e n t i n e , a 1926 M o r r i s C o m m e r c i a l , is very m u c h alive. C l e m is at present being rebuilt, having been rolled (yes, rolled!) s o m e years ago. A t that time, C l e m was stripped, c h u c k e d into b o x e s , a n d distributed all over College for restoration work. Unfortunately, nobody bothered to r e c o r d where all the pieces went, a n d we have been left w i t h t h e f r u s t r a t i o n of a j i g s a w , w i t h numerous unaccountable missing pieces. Please, if anybody k n o w s where any of the pieces are, or any bits of scrap w h i c h may be useful, let me k n o w , or d r o p a line into the R S M U n i o n Office. Finally if a n y b o d y is interested in helping out with the rebuilding of C l e m just get in t o u c h . T h e club meets every W e d n e s d a y in the R S M U n i o n Office at 1:00pm. M u c h ta. John Eagleson
C&G L a s t F r i d a y G u i l d s C a r n i v a l was a great success with everyone having a great, fantastic marvellous, spacer, etc, time. T h a n k s to all those who arranged it a n d helped to m a k e it one of the best ever. T h e C & G U / O p e r a t i o n D r a k e float went d o w n well at the L o r d M a y o r s S h o w last S a t u r d a y , despite the fact that all the Guildsfolk were still suffering from Carnival's excesses. E n o u g h of the p a s t — n o w to the forthcoming G u i l d s spectaculars. T h i s S a t u r d a y ( N o v e m b e r 20) we have Silly S p o r t s outside H a r r o d s . T h i s is one of the most enjoyable R a g events of the year and is where G u i l d s f o l k impress (?) the H a r r o d s c u s t o m e r s with their a m a z i n g acrobatic a n d idiotic skills a n d then ask f o r / d e m a n d large sums of money for charity. M e e t in the G u i l d s Office at 9:00am this S a t u r d a y . A n d finally for those of y o u who suffer from the midweek blues we have on W e d n e s d a y N o v e m b e r 24: Morohv D a y , o n w h i c h we take o n R C S and M i n e s in a battle for the M o r p h y O a r . T r a d i t i o n a l a m m u n i t i o n c o n s i s t i n g ot bulls blood, rotting eels, guts, etc. Traditional a r m o u r in p i n k ( m m m - n i c e ) b i n - l i n e r s . A l l cavalry, artillery and foot soldiers meet in the G u i l d s Office at 12:30pm from where we will m a r c h d o w n to Putney towpath a n d let battle c o m m e n c e (after the rowing races). C r e a m teas will be served in H a r r o d s for all survivors a n d those agile enough to escape H a r r o d s ' security guards. See y o u at the above events. Jules
FELIXI
Bookshop News T h a n k y o u all for supporting our exhibition of b o o k s from Russia. T h e cultural attache was most impressed. T h e y are having to restock for future exhibitions. W e will be having an exhibition of b o o k s by a n d about H G W e i l s in the S h o p o n week beginning D e c e m b e r 6. Hopefully to include the latest one H G Wells and the Culminating Ape by Peter K e m p , M a c m i l l a n P r e s s , a p p r o x £15.
Best Sellers Concise Atlas of World History - T i m e s B o o k s £12.50 Rude Food - D a v i d T h o r p e , M a c m i l l a n £4.95 The Amateur Naturalist - G e r a l d D u r r e l l , H a m i s h H a m i l t o n £12.50 Best of James Harriot - M i c h a e l J o s e p h P u b £12.95
RCS 24hr Rag T h i s m a r v e l l o u s e v e n t is b e i n g h e l d f r o m midnight tonight onwards. T u r n up at any time from 11:00pm o n w a r d s to collect licences, cans a n d find a place to collect. Hopefully we c a n raise more money t h a n last time it was held (over £1,000) so we need lots of y o u to go a n d a c c o s t the g e n e r a l p u b l i c for t h e i r c o p p e r s — b u t don't accost the coppers. T h i s is a really almost legal R a g stunt a n d should be a big money-raiser.
Indian F u n n y , satirical, a n d also grim. D e s c r i b e d also as 'hilarious if subversive' this film featuring the i n c o m p a r a b l e V a s u d e v a R a u as a n a g e d layabout, is the s e c o n d in India Society's short season of w o r k s by a c c o m p l i s h e d directors. • M i n n a l S e n is a highly talented director, but O k a O o r i e K a t h a is the only one of his films to be released SQ far in the U K . T h i s is then a rare chance to see a w o r k of his here, despite Nigel A n d r e w s ' view (of the Financial Times) that " i t w o u l d c l e a r l y feel m u c h at h o m e . " I sincerely hope many of y o u will take this opportunity to see it, on T u e s d a y at. 6:00pm in M e c h E n g 220. T h e c o p y will of course by fully subtitled in English.
Community Action S p o n s o r s h i p forms for the C r i s i s at C h r i s t m a s p i l g r i m a g e h a v e n o w a r r i v e d . If y o u a r e i n t e r e s t e d in the two day walk from C a n t e r b u r y to L o n d o n (60 miles!) with your overnight a c c o m m o d a t i o n paid for, on Saturday a n d S u n d a y , D e c e m b e r 4 a n d 5, please c o m e to the Rag C o m m i t t e e R o o m at 12:45 today as this is the last day for entry. If y o u can't manage this feat, please c o m e a n d sponsor those noble persons who are at the same time, same place. M a n y t h a n k s t o S t e v e G o u l d e r for getting us out of the S o u p literally (i-Ed) a week last T u e s d a y by getting out of b e d and finding us a van for the S o u p R u n . S o u p R u n is c o n t i n u i n g as u s u a l o n T u e s d a y s a n d F r i d a y s meeting at 10:30pm in F a l m o u t h K i t c h e n s . A g r e a t w a y t o see L o n d o n at night. A l s o help is needed at the A c t o n Y o u t h C l u b o n S a t u r d a y afternoons. If y o u a r e i n t e r e s t e d i n a n y t h i n g o u r meetings are every M o n d a y , 12:30pm, R a g Committee Room.
• • • • N o v e m b e r 19, 1 9 8 2 B H
Second Heaven - Judith Guest, Allen Lane Pub £7.95 Pocket Thesaurus - Wittels & Greisman, Ward L o c k P u b £2.95 Bird Watchers Diary - Lovegrove & Barratt, H u t c h i n s o n P u b £9.95 Some Damn Fools Signed the Rubens Again T h e l w e l , M e t h u e n P u b £4.95 Amazing Times - S Winkworth, Allen & U n w i n £6.95 A Nice Night's Entertainment - Barry H u m p h r i e s , G r a n a d a P u b £1.95 Spare a Copper - G H a r r i s , £1.95 A Hundred and One More Uses of a Dead Cat - S i m o n B o n d , M e t h u e n P u b £4.95 S n a k e s & Ladders - D i r k Bogarde, Granada P u b £1.95 A Gentle Occupation - D i r k Bogarde, Granada £1.95 Yarbro - C h e l s e a Q u i n n , Granada £1.50 D e a l e r s Wheel - Steve W i l s o n , Granada £1.50 Death Beam - Robert M o s s , Granada £1.95
S F Soc or: the F u r t h e r A d v e n t u r e s of B u r t the Bacterium W i t h a h i g h p i t c h e d s c r e a m she lunged forward a n d tore at my cell wall. One of my sex pili c a m e a w a y i n h e r l o n g nailed h a n d . S h u d d e r i n g with pain I lashed out with my flagella, striking the w o m a n across the head a n d chest. S h e staggered b a c k w a r d s and I pressed in o n the offensive, firing both R and F plasmids at her n o w bleeding wounds. " N o ! " she gasped, " Y o u ' l l only make it worse for yourself. R u n while y o u still have the chance!" F o r then it was that I h e a r d the ominous throbbing noise c o m i n g from b e h i n d me. With a bias r a n d o m walk I t u r n e d a r o u n d and faced my foe. A h , yes! I k n ew h i m well—Wally the W h i t e B l o o d C e l l ; we h a d met many times before in the seedy capillaries of the heart and brain. H i s horribly defor med cell membrance b u l g e d g r o t e s q u e l y o u t i n my direction, c a t c h i n g m y flagella. Slowly 1 was being drawn t o w a r d s t h a t s e e t h i n g m a s s ot digestive enzymes Continued next week
STOIC O K , so Southside can recieve C h a n n e l 4 a n d S T O I C , l u c k y people. Right, o n with the column. S o m e of y o u m a y h a v e n o t i c e d t h e t e m p o r a r y disappearance of the S o u t h s i d e T V L o u n g e set last week. T h i s was for modificat i o n , or rather r e - i n d o c t r i n a t i o n , as y o u r friendly cathode ray tube was beginning t o have ideas of its o w n . A t one point the set refused to automatically s w i t c h to S T O I C transmissions when c o m m a n d e d . A retraining course was obviously necessary, a n d after a few hours under the scalpel of Oberengineeringfuhrer N i c k W G r a h a m - T a y l o r , the Philips G i l r e t u r n e d to a n existence as free from original thought as the J C R set. If any of y o u , whilst passing y o u r free time w a t c h i n g S T O I C ' s h y b r i d waveforms notice any slight variation from technical perfection gives us a bell on internal 2637 a n d we'll s e n d the b o y s r o u n d . O n a lighter note, we wish M a r t i n S T a y l o r the best of luck with his fight against the tyrannical cospir (aha! Insurrection f r o m the t y p e w r i t e r ) c o n s p i r a c y of t h e m e c h a n i c a l proletariat, ie, the folding machine...we k n o w the feeling.
IPogell
ISPORTI
3 PORT ^
Hockey Firsts IC vs Goldsmiths I 4-1
T h i s was a c r u c i a l first r o u n d o f the U L U C u p p l a y e d against a team d e t e r m i n e d to s h ow I C h o w l u c k y we were to d r a w w i t h them last season 1-1. P l a y e d o n a smooth Harlington A pitch I m p e r i a l failed to s t a m p any a u t h o r i t y o n the game d u r i n g the first h a l f - h o u r a l l o w i n g ' G o l d y s ' a free r u n o f t h e p i t c h c u l m i n a t i n g in a nicely finished goal. A goal d o w n , Imperial started to s h o w a little more aggression a n d s o o n fought back to d r a w level before h a l f time. In the second h a l f I m p e r i a l started to c o n t r o l the game w i t h 9 0 % of the p l a y a n d s o o n converted some fluent moves into three more goals f r o m Geoff, A n d y and Paul ensuring Imperial a sound win and a second r o u n d place in the C u p . T e a m : Bell, Ayres, Franklin, Riley, Parker, Bawal, Jones, Paul, Andy, Walter, Garmes.
IC vs Gowan 1-0 G o w a n , a team f r o m a d i v i s i o n a b o v e o u r o w n , were a s k i l f u l side. W e a k e n e d , s t a r t i n g w i t h ten m e n , I m p e r i a l a p p l i e d g o o d opening pressure with A n d y G a r m e s d o i n g some g o o d r u n n i n g out wide o n the left w i n g s w i n g i n g i n some g o o d balls for B e l l to neatly miss leaving a scoreless sheet at h a l f time. T h e second h a l f saw a very close battle, especially i n m i d f i e l d w i t h b o t h sides creating g o o d chances but f a i l i n g to convert them to goals. H o w e v e r , w i t h about ten m i n u t e s to go G a r m e s slotted a B a n s a l cross into the net leaving I m p e r i a l to survive a f i n a l ten m i n u t e onslaught before p r o gressing to the second r o u n d o f the M i d d l e s e x C u p . T e a m : Sean, Barry, Geoff, Steve, Chris, Jones, Andy, Paul, Andy G, Mangat and Walter.
IC vs Brunei 4-0 Yet another s o u n d v i c t o r y i n the d i v i s i o n against a useful but d i s j o i n t e d B r u n e i side. I m p e r i a l created a l l the chances i n the first h a l f but the f o r w a r d s failed to convert these to goals a n d by | h a l f time it was still a scoreless
Page121
match. H o w e v e r , i n the second h a l f I m p e r i a l p l a y e d some o f their best h o c k e y w i t h A n d y a n d C h r i s h o l d i n g the defence together well a n d C a p t a i n G e o f f c o n t r o l l i n g the m i d f i e l d d i s t r i b u t i n g the b a l l out to right w i n g M a n g a t w h o put some nice deep first time crosses t h r o u g h the B r u n e i defence resulting i n a hattrick for B e l l a n d a rare Steve P a r k e r g o a l — m u c h to the delight o f his g i r l f r i e n d . (It's f u n n y h o w he seems to move upfield whenever she's around?) If I m p e r i a l can keep s c o r i n g like t h i s — a n d keep a tight defence— h o w can we lose?
Seconds IC vs Mill Hill 0-1 With I C all i l l , A g a i n s t a team like M i l l H i l l , W e were never g o i n g to w i n . T h e p i t c h was so b a d , A g a i n P u r d y got m a d , A n d Slatter let their g o a l i n . Between his legs went the b a l l , S u c h a surprise to us a l l . O h R o l f , what a terrible s i n ! C h a r l e s missed a sitter, A n d D a v e d i d not better. W h e n he t r i e d k i c k i n g it i n . N o H o p e c o u l d n ' t score, H e missed the target for sure, A n d so a l l f o u r chances were blown.
Ladies IC vs Chelsea College II 2-0 L o c a l i t y : Somewhere south o f the T h a m e s i n a whorehouse Visitor: Ivor C o c k C o n d i t i o n of surface to be negotiated: Somewhat lumpy a n d s o g g y , p r o b a b l y d u e to constant use. P r o b l e m s : P o s s i b i l i t y of embarrassment due to lack o f experience i n certain p o s i t i o n s . Experience: M a j o r i t y of participants a d m i t t e d to experience in most areas, but weren't too h a p p y w i t h c h a n g i n g p o s i t i o n s , since some r e q u i r e d m o r e tactical m a n o e u v r i n g t h a n others. G r o u p organiser, S a r a , , d i d suggest that once y o u ' v e d o n e one y o u ' v e d o n e t h e m a l l , but i n games o f this nature she has been k n o w n to get a r o u n d a bit. G a m e : S t i c k y situations d i d arise, but these were not i n s u r m o u n t a b l e . M o v i n g it f r o m side to side appeared to have better results t h a n p l a c i n g it straight
d o w n the m i d d l e . Jo angled one in straight t h r o u g h the legs o f a p a r t i c i p a n t , whereas K a r e n was a bit less d a r i n g a n d centred one perfectly. T h u s the game progressed u n t i l b o t h p a r t i e s r e t i r e d to the showers.
Rugby Seconds I C vs Rosslyn Park Vths 36-6 T h e day after C a r n i v a l saw I C m a k e a slow a n d p o n d e r o u s start against R o s l y n P a r k 5ths. It t o o k f o r t y m i n u t e s b e f o r e the I C players decided that perhaps they d i d n ' t get that d r u n k the previous evening a n d l o c o m o t i o n was indeed still possible. F r o m t h e n o n I C r a r e l y left t h e i r o p p o n e n t s h a l f a n d starved the o p p o s i t i o n of nearly a l l possess i o n . S t r o n g w o r k f r o m the f o r w a r d s ensured plenty b a l l for a good attacking baseline, a l t h o u g h at times the h a n d l i n g left s o m e t h i n g to be desired. A g o o d move i n the three-quarter line a n d strong r u n n i n g f r o m P h i l C l a r k e gave R o g e r F l y n n a t o u c h d o w n i n the corner for the last try o f the game. Tries were also scored by R o g e r (2), P a u l , John, Charles, A n d y , M i c k y and J i m to give a f i n a l score o f 36-6.
Ten Pin Bowling IC vs Portsmouth Poly 2-8 A t l o n g last, there was a c t u a l l y some excitement for the B o w l i n g C l u b last week w h e n the c o a c h b r o k e d o w n a n d the d r i v e r w a n d e r e d off to a neaby hostelry to discuss the state o f the w o r l d w i t h the l a n d l o r d . W h i l e he was a w a y two officers o f the l a w turned up and despite Ian R i d g l e y ' s efforts to o p e n the d o o r they managed to get i n . Captain Chris Wells smiled nicely a n d managed to persuade the police not to take us a l l i n as l o n g as M a r k S a m p l e agreed to donate a pint o f b l o o d to the Police Christmas B a l l fund. The d r i v e r eventually t u r n e d up a n d carefully a v o i d e d b r e a t h i n g i n the general d i r e c t i o n o f the P C s and a replacement c o a c h got us h o m e o n l y n hours late. B a c k to the g r i n d o n S u n d a y as the I C team lost to P o r t s m o u t h P o l y but we pushed t h e m m u c h harder t h a n u s u a l , o u r A team i n p a r t i c u l a r managed to tread a l l over the o p p o s i t i o n . M e g a s t a r of the day was D a v e G e e w i t h a series o f 616.
I November 19,19821
Rifle & Pistol A n o t h e r e x c i t i n g week d o w n o n the range w i t h r a d i c a l l y i m p r o v e d scores registered by Steve a n d M a r k , b o t h , h i t t i n g hot 99s. A s k e d to c o m m e n t o n his p e r f o r m a n c e Steve H a r r i s o n ( C l u b C a p t a i n , contact v i a q E l e c E n g letter-racks) a d m i t t e d that a n e w leg g e o m e t r y is a d d i n g stability to his p o s i t i o n . C r i s i s struck when rock-afficionado G a r y S m i t h discovered that his P h i l C o l l i n s gig c o i n c i d e d w i t h the a n n u a l c l u b d i n - d i n s . Regrettably M r C o l l i n s was unable to agree to a change o f date hence the d i n n e r w i l l n o w be h eld o n F r i d a y D e c e m b e r 3 (all members please note). C l u b o u t i n g to the A r m y ranges at Bisley takes place o n Sunday. Those attending will need w a r m costumes, m o n e y for l u n c h , r a i l c a r d , etc. W e meet 9 : 0 0 a m u n d e r the d e p a r t u r e b o a r d at W a t e r l o o S t a t i o n .
Squash lsts 2nds 3rds 4ths Ladies
vs vs vs vs vs
KCH 1 St M H 2 BSO 1 St G H 2 St G H 20-5
5-0 5-0 0 -5 1- 4
S o r r y to say that the T h i r d s and F o u r t h s are s l i p p i n g b e h i n d in the points table. T h e F i r s t s h a m m e r e d K C H a n d are u n d o u b t e d l y one of t h e m o s t p o w e r f u l sides out o f a l l the L o n d o n colleges. T h e Seconds also have a w a l k o v e r (5-0) to their credit after the rearranged m a t c h against W e s t f i e l d 1 was again cancelled. I hope everyone's had a chance to l o o k at o u r g l o r i o u s multicoloured ladder, bought and erected at f a b u l o u s expense. Thank you A C C Exec! The ladder system w h i c h has been made g o o d use o f so far, s h o u l d n o w be m u c h easier to update.
Netball N e t b a l l C l u b has r e f o r m e d a n d has at least t w o matches c o m i n g u p . F o r a n y o n e else w h o is interested, practices are at 12:30 on Thursday lunchtimes; changing i n the Sports C e n t r e a n d p l a y i n g ont he T e n n i s C o u r t s b y L i n s t e a d . T h i s week we shall also elect the C a p t a i n a n d Committee.
H U H H H H H
FELIX
ISPORTI Football Seconds I C vs U C II 3-2 Sunday evening in the bath seems a good time to look back on a day when IC 2 overcame the auld enemy as well as the administrative cock-ups of their own club. A day when, the VIIs went to play at Merton, when they should have been at H a r l i n g t o n , no referees were arranged, the opposition were left at the U n i o n as no-one knew they were coming on our coach, and Steve Jomo Rimmer proved small folk can beat defenders in the air but only when the ball's two feet off the ground! After a hectic start, the IC defence were put under a lot of pressure and B u r n s , Berns, P o w e l l a n d T o n y (last name unknown) did well to hold out the IC attack of Coussens, Rigby and Rimmer woke up soon after and Rimmer it was who made the net bulge for IC's first. H T 10. U C could have been finished off within two minutes of the start but alas, they regained their composure and a minor, ahem, mistake left Mike Hardy picking the ball out of the net instead of from between his feet. After a period of toing and froing Dave Hardy, who had been combing well in midfield with Gaskill and Buckley, just d a s h e d o f f o n his o w n a n d scored, so much for a patient build-up. U C , however, came back again and bucked it up at 2-2. A n d then, with only a few minutes remaining, Berns floated the ball back into the box and the Gnome stooped low (why didn't he just kick it) to head home the winner and send B B J into a two minute celebratory dance routine, after which, A n d y the s n o o k e r p l a y e r t u r n e d referee blew for full-time.
Volleyball T h i s s ea s o n is b e g i n n i n g to resemble a repeat of last year, with I C V B C first team winning its first three S E E T E C H League matches in straight sets. So far W a t f o r d , South Bank and M i d d l e s e x Polys have fallen victim to Pete Walker's spikes, Christo's sneaky short balls, and M a n s generally dirty tricks.
FELIX ÂŁ
With Hairy Christodpoulou setting the cultural tone of the team, newcomers like M i k e J a m e s m u s t be w o n d e r i n g whether the IC prospectus told the w h o l e t r u t h . O n l y the captain (author of this fiction), in his dashing cherrypickers and moustache, shows modest prom i s e , t h o u g h well d i s g u i s e d , beneath mumbled obscenities. O f 'Falling Francois' Grey the less said the better. O n to the second team then. As yet unblooded, led by the abovementioned Francois, they w i l l s h o r t l y be p l a y i n g the G e r m a n S c h o o l , the F r e n c h Lycee, and possibly the Wimbledon Y M C A . Plenty of promise amongst the newcomers, with a bit of luck and some coordination they should do well. Mustn't forget to mention the ladies, either, who will soon be playing various friendly matches for the experience. A n y b o d y interested (preferably female) please contact Nada el-Yassir LS2, or just come around to a ladies training evening (Tuesdays 1730-1900h at the Volleyball C o u r t , b e h i n d B i o c h e m istry). We also train Wednesday and Saturday afternoons (1330 till about 1700h). Team: P Dias-Lalcaca (capt), P Walker, N El-Yassir, A Green, F Grey, A Knap, C Christou, M Lam, H Christodoulou, M James, S Lauria (baggage attendant!).
back of their vans? A n d where was Peter when we needed him most? Team: Julian Bennett, Graham Dalton, Graham Kennedy, Nora Myers, JameS Redman, Richard Tostevin, Peter Howarth (apologies). A t the H a r p : Sailing continues t h r o u g h o u t the winter every Wednesday afternoon with food and cheap beer in the evenings. Peter will be there.
Judo Well here it is, what you've all been waiting for, the first judo article of the academic year. O K , so I exaggerate, but here's the important bit. Gradings: Congratulations to K e i t h and T e r r y who both picked up points at their first D a n gradings. Keith got 10 and Terry 17. Also congratulations to me and A n d y P. I graded to 6th K y u and A n d y to 8th. Forthcoming events: IC have in their possession a nice shiny t r o p h y , wh ic h u n f o r t u n a t e l y London Medical College want. So to be fair we have to fight them for it. This will take place on November 30 at IC. Our team consists of Martin, Terry, T i m , Keith and M a r k . Bye for now.
Fencing |0I Sailing Score (Liverpool Street 7:00am): IC vs C & G Carnival 4-2 Peter, obviously being too hung over, didn't even master the B R t a n n o y at I p s w i c h — p e r h a p s N o v a c o u l d give h i m some lessons. Despite crys of 'Water', 'Mast abeam', and 'I've got to get my leg over' from the U E A ladies, we scored a win against them. T h e i r mens t e a m , h o w e v e r , w o u l d not succombe to our charms (where was Peter?) and we were convincingly defeated in both races against them in spite of the supreme efforts of Dawdler Dalton and Back-of-the-Fleet Bennett, the latter being unable to resist his annual dip in Oulton Broads. The second round was arr a n g e d at the W h e n y I n n , followed by a lightening drive back to Norwich to catch the last train. This posed two questions: why do U E A have mattresses in the
Our second match of the season a g a i n s t U C L a n d it c o u l d scarcely have been more different from the first. In fact, it was so very different that it was almost a mirror image, with instead of the ladies and novices teams winning, only the ladies team lost (the novices did not fence). Indeed, this match saw an altogether changed outlook f r o m the m a l e t e a m s . T h e sabreurs won 8-1, the foil teams A and B won 5-4 each, and the epee (the greatest change of all, from losing 1-8) won 6-3. Thus, it was an altogether more pleasing match (bar the ladies, poor dears), one which leaves us looking forward to the next.
Basketball I C vs Ealing College 75-106 F o r the opening match of the season the court was packed by a capacity crowd. Both of them were v i s i b l y e x c i t e d by the
I November 19, 19821
i prospect of this match between t w o g i a n t s o f the L o n d o n Colleges Basketball League. The match tipped off at 7:30 and by 7:37 IC's fate was sealed as Ealing amassed an early 20 point lead. (Mainly as the I C team was having forty winks r e c o v e r i n g f r o m a two h o u r warm-up!). When awake the team fought like tigers, m a t c h i n g E a l i n g basket for basket, losing teeth in the process (Tamman was the unfortunate victim). Generally a mediocre team performance and George's contribution of a mere thirty points d i d little to help our situation! Team: Brian, Nick, George, Alan, Tamman, Andy, Ian, Ken, John and Tim.
Boat Last Saturday three fours from Imperial College took part in the. Head of the River Fours Race. Although starting in the new entries at the back of the field all crews rowed exceptionally well to finish well up in the order. The two coxless fours (IC I and II) were within four seconds of each other finishing 28th and 24th respectively out of about 330 crews. In doing this they beat two crews from U L and came within five seconds of the fastest N a t i o n a l L i g h t w e i g h t four. The coxed four IC 3 finished 45th, only fifteen seconds b e h i n d our coxless boats, and beating equivalent college opposition convincingly. The crews were: T Anderson, P Allen, P M c C o n n e l l , B D o w n ing (IC I); J T h o r p , W Bradbury, J O'Brien, P Edwards (IC II); J Griffiths, G Harding, E Mendez, M Greaves (IC III).
Mixed I C vs U C 1-8 The mixed First team rumbled into action last Wednesday. The club captain decided it was time to make a guest appearance. In retrospect this turned out to be not such a good idea! Ian and Jo played as well as can be expected without Jaffa cakes. Dominic and Jane played v e r y w e l l b u t to n o a v a i l . Dominic seemed to be arguing with himself for a lot of the time. T h e c l u b c a p t a i n wishes he hadn't played!
IPage13
1300b
Monday Union SCR
1300h
Peace Now A talk to the Jewish Society; you don't have to be Jewish to attend.
Seismic Studies of the Earth's Crust by Professor Blundell of Chelsea College. Admission to this Mopsoc lecture is by membership.
1300h
Lounges Octopussy A S T O I C interview with the Executive producer of this film, recorded at Pinewood Studios.
1300h 1
1230h
C o m m o n Room
Natural History Society are going headbutting sequoias
Strikes A talk by Ray Buckton, General Secretary of A S L E F
Twenty-four hour Rag collection •
-Following the ASLEF dispute about flexible rostering, Mr Buckton is certain to have some interesting things about subjects such as secondary picketing.
Saturday Guilds Union Office
1230h J C R Angling Club meeting.
0900h
1230h
Guilds Silly Sports Outside Harrods. Take part in the wheelbarrow races etc and raise money for charity.
Beit Arch
ICU contingent for Education Alliance March meet. From here they will travel to Malet Street. -For full details see the policies of the Education Alliance. 1230h J C R IC North America Club meeting 1255h Union Concert Hall Islamic Society Friday Prayers Hyde Park
1500b
Education Alliance d e m o n stration. -If you can't miss a whole afternoon's work try and turn up for this instead.
1900H
Southside Bar
1900h
The London Ball A n evening of competitions, general dancing, spot prizes and demonstration couples provided by Imperial College and University College Dancing Clubs.
2000h
Union Lower Refectory
Royal Academy of Dancing fancy dress party. Admission £1.50.
Sunday 0915h Consort Gallery Prayer meeting Beit Arch
-Beat the Guilds Exec at Cards darts, dominos, chess, etc.
Cycle Ride with IC Cycling Club, probably to Kent.
There But for Fortune: Joan Baez in Latin America' A Film S o c show. Admission 30p for members, 50p for n o n / members.
1930b
ULU Building
David Thomas (ex-Pere Ubu) and the Go-Betweens £2.50 admission on the door or £ 2
2000h
JCRf
Bathrobe and Dressing Gown party! Organised by Mines Union.
Pagel4l
1000h Consort Gallery Ecumenical Communion service.
1330b Ray Buckton talks to the Industrial Society on Tuesday
1800h
Mech Eng 220
Diversification of Oil Companies into Mining T h e Robert Pryor memorial lecture. 1930h J C R Advanced Dancing Class Elec Eng 408
1330h
1800h
The House of Lords: Source of Continuity, Safeguard and Democracy? A talk by Viscount Monckton of Brenchley to the Catholic Students of West London. This talk will be preceded by a bar supper and mass. -If you get bored with the talk you can always ask for the latest gossip on Lord Flowers.
Pippard Theatre Sherfield
Three Revolutions in Science Dr Simion Schaffer opens this series with a talk entitled 'Electricity Becomes a Science, 1720-1760'. 1730h Brown Committee Room Amnesty International meeting
Dr Magnus Pyke, T V Scientist extraordinaire will be giving a lecture entitled 'A Budget of Fallacies'.
1730h Volleyball Court Women's Volleyball training session.
-Be there early, it's sure to be popular.
1800h
Tuesday 1230h Southside Upper Lounge Boardsailing Club meeting
1245b
Mech Eng 220
RSM G20
Conservation of Museum Objects a talk to the Metallurgy and Materials Science Society by J Ashley Smith of the Victoria and Albert Museum.
lOUUn
More House
Read Theatre Sherfield
Thinking about Ethics a talk by Professor D D Raphael entitled 'Old Problems with New Suggestions'.
i fi ft A h 1100h More House Catholic Mass
Huxley 341
NUS Organisaton A talk by the Vice President of N U S , Jane Taylor.
1930N
1000h
SCR
1300h
JCR
Guilds Bar Games Night
1900h
Chem Eng LT1
RCSU Office
2300h
Today
Physics LT2
Bot/Zoo C o m m o n Room
Communism A talk to the Socialist Society by a speaker from the Communist Party of Great Britain.
-This film examines a woman's perceptions of work and roles played in an aircraft factory in World War Two America.
-Communism in the Russian and the Chinese form is usually a dirty word. However, if you want to find what real communism is about, turn up and hear the differences between this and the so-called Russian variety.
1245h Chemistry 231 Catholic mass
1800h.Union S C R Wine Tasting Society meeting
Rosie the Riveter a Labour Club and WIST film show.
I November 19, 19821
• M H H H H
FELIX
TV Lounges
1800h
STOIC repeat the lunchtime broadcast.
1930h J C R Beginners Dancing Class
1930h
Dining Hall
Play Butley by Simon Gray.
1830h Union G y m Judo Club practice
£1. A Dramsoc
production.
1830h J C R Silver Medal Dancing Class
Thursday
1930h J C R Beginners Dancing Class
Wednesday
1230h
Lower
Refectory
Labour Club meeting to discuss motions to N O L S conference.
AM
1230h
Industrial Society visit to British Sugar Corporation refinery at Peterborough. C o n tact Chris Day (Mech E n g 2) for details.
Photography A Scout and Guide C l u b talk. 1230h Southside Upper Lounge ICYHA Butties meeting
1230h C h e m E n g E400
Methodist Society meeting
ecu
1230h
Offices
Morphy Day Fling blood, excrement a n d general unpleasantness at the opposing C C U s and then try and rip an oar out of their hands. Don't miss trip to Harrods for tea afterwards.
1300h
Union Upper Lounge
This House believes in denationalisation for Britain A Debating Society special i n volving C o n s o c and S o c s o c .
1300H
Huxley 340
Was Jesus Christ Truly God? A talk to the Senior Christian Fellowship by the Reverand J A Couger. 1315h 9 Princes Gate
Quran Circle 1830h J C R Bronze Medal Dancing Class
Mines 303
1245h
Civ Eng 201
The Future of Hong Kong a talk to the Chinese Society by Mr Walter Easey.
- Mr Easey is an expert on the subject as a former member of Alec Guinness features in Ents Thursday film, Star Wars. the Hong Kong police and a member of the Asian committee of the Labour Party.
1300h
Chem Eng LT2
The Different Faces of Apartheid The U N S o c will show two films, one from the U N and one from the South African government.
1300h
Physics LT3
The H-Bomb Secret Slide Show IC Scientists Against Nuclear Arms present slides and a talk from Howard Marland, the man who showed y o u how to make your own H-bomb in 'Progressive' magazine. C o m e and broaden your education while eating your sandwiches.
1300h
Huxley 140
1600h
Chem Eng LT1
Namibian Uranium Contract A
The Scientific Study of Hazards
talk by Mr Brian Wood and a film 'Namibia—The Struggle for Freedom'. This event has been organised by the Third World First Society.
The Annual Newitt Lecture will
1300h Green Committee Room Sci Fi Soc committee and j library meeting.
1300h
Chem Eng LT1
This house believes the trade union closed shop must be maintained A debate between Mr Charles Timworck, Assistant General Secretary N U R and Mr Gerald Hartley, National Branch Organiser, the Freedom Association.
be given by Professor J H
Burgoyne to the Chemical Engineering
1700h
Society.
Biochem 702
Genetic Manipulation of Strepi tomyces In Relation to Antibiotics Production A talk to the Biochemical Society by professor David Hopwood of
the University of East Anglia. 1730h Southside Lounge
Model Aircraft Club meeting
1800h
TV Lounges
STOIC repeat the lunchtime
-Both these men were involved broadcast. in the cause of three men British Rail sacked for refusing to join the NUR.
1830h
1300h
TV Lounges
STOIC broadcast.
1330h
Great Hall Sherfield
The Ascent of Man Part 6, the j Starry Messenger. | Thursday 1330h •IQini* Music Room l O O U n 53 Princes Gate
Morphy Day in full fling
j The Lunch-hour Concert by the ; B o c h m a n n String Quartet.
I November 19,19821
M e c h
!*o
Star Wars A n Ents film -Even if you did see it a few weeks ago on your black and white portable, this is your opportunity to see it in colour on the (fairly) big screen. This I film directed by George Lucas stars Mark Hamill, Alec Guinness and Harrison Ford.
1930h
Union Dining Hall
Play: Butley by S i m o n G r a y . £1. A Dramsoc production.
IPage15
continued from front page ages p a r t i c i p a n t s to sell t h e i r lists to t r u s t e d friends (to ensure secrecy a n d the c o n t i n u i t y o f the system). P e o p l e are n o w t r y i n g to o f f l o a d t h e i r lists o n friends w h o w i l l have even m o r e t r o u b l e in getting r i d o f them. T h e c o v e r i n g letter asserts that the system is t o t a l l y l e g a l , a n d this a p p e a r s to be tr u e. B u t the l a w Is b e i n g b r o k e n i f a n y a t t e m p t is made to step outside the rules listed o n the i n s t r u c t i o n s , f o r instance i f the letters are sent t h r o u g h the post o r i f a n y o n e replaces several names o n the list w i t h his o w n n a m e .
Chem Eng Society Banned The Chemical Engineering S o c i e t y has been b a n n e d f r o m the F r a n k M o r t o n S p o r t s . T h i s is a n a t i o n a l m e e t i n g o f C h e m i c a l E n g i n e e r s at w h i c h last year the I C c o n t i n g e n t started t h r o w i n g glasses a t the p a r t y after the sports c o m p e t i t i o n .
S B S X i i fa'TSg-rtwi in i
111
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•
1
It's a dog's life entertaining students. Canine entertainment at Guilds' Carnival last Saturday.
RPtyAL SCWOl Of PRESENT:
f^
A T H R O B E
M1N6S
PRESSING "fjowN
WITH : VIDEO
SOUTHERN
& INSTITUT
FRANCAIS
FARTY ! COMFORT JAZZ BAND STARTS 8-3DPM
WITH BATHROBE -
IMPERIAL COLLEGE * 1 C R
Selkirk Hall residents joined in a three-legged rugby match last Sunday
PINCCCI-IIO Obituary President B r e e z e k n e e s , President of the mighty state of T r u t h i z o v , has finally shuffled off this mo r ta l coil, and departed this earthly sphere, at the age of 100. H e retained most of his faculties to the e n d , in spite of four previous r u m o u r s of his d e m i s e . S i n c e all old newspapers are periodically destroyed in o r d e r that the lies c o n v e y e d within their pages are not perpetuated, it is not k n o w n w h e n these r u m o u r s were. It is k n o w n , however, that the President was over 50 w h e n the first r u m o u r started, and that if we say that these r u m o u r s o c c u r r e d when the President was A , B , C and D years o l d , where A , B , C , and D are not necessarily all different, then A x B x C x D = 47,029,248, and A + B + C + D is an o d d number. It is of purely academic interest, of course, but how old was the President w h e n these r u m o u r s o c c u r r e d ?
N o w back to last week. T a k i n g the sheet A , B , C , D again, t h e n the four sheets are: A , B , C , D - 1, 3, 14, 16 ! 2, 6, 11, 15 5, 7, 9, 13 4, 8, 10, 12 w h i c h must c o m e in that order, since the e d i t o r i a l page m u s t b e t h i r d (in the right position), and if the sheet starting with page 4 were to c o m e after the first sheet, then in the folded F E L I X , page 4 would follow page 3, w h i c h is not allowed ("no two consecutive numbers i n any position").
Week's
Solution
First let me s c o t c h a malicious r u m o u r ; I neither a m , nor ever have been, M a r t i n S T a y l o r , S M a r t i n T a y l o r , T a y l o r M a r t i n S , n o r any combination of the above. Alright? Y o u c a n start guessing again.
4 YSO I was distressed t o see three gentlemen appear o n T u e s d a y lunchtime, and all put virtually identical (wrong) solutions in the box, all headed " D e a r M a r t i n " (!), obviously a group effort. If it really takes two or three of y o u to solve a p u z z l e , then at least only h a n d in one solution! And
now
a word from our
sponsors
SIT O N IT
You don't need us to |tell you how much a cycle makes. But you do us to help you choose your next bike We'll service it, guarantee" and (should
Solutions, comments, criticisms to me at the FELIX Office by Wednesday, 1:00pm. £5 from Mend-aBike for a randomly selected entry. Last
ALL OTHERS*
FRIDAY | ^ NOVEMBER g o o PM TIL LATE
M E N D
anything go wrong, repair it beautifully. And we also offer a 10% discount. So even though you'll be getting around] town faster,] t
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A BIKE
O f the six people who sent in entries with the pages in the correct order, Phil M o o r e of Elec E n g 3 was chosen as this week's winner, and he can collect his £5 cheque from the F E L I X Office after 1:30pm on M o n d a y . M a n y thanks also t o D a v e Parry for sending in a c o m p l e t e ( c o r r e c t ) m i n i a t u r e F E L I X as a solution.
FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board, and is printed by the Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Tel. 01-589 5111 Ext 1048 or Internal 2881. Editor: Martin S Taylor; Business Manager: Peter A Rodgers; Advertising Manager: Nick Thexton. Copyright FELIX 1982.