http://www.felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1982/1982_0630_A

The Newspaper of Imperial College Union

TREACLED MINERS The R o y a l S c h o o l of M i n e s U n i o n O f f i c e was b r o k e n into and several trophies stolen last Thursday. T w o miners who were present in the office have since been treacled and feathered for not defending union property.

John Eagleson and Dave H o b b s were in the R S M U Office when about a dozen large, h e a v i l y - m a s k e d raiders burst i n and t h r e a t e n e d to b e c o m e violent if a n y o n e resisted. T h e y then stole the b l a d e of the M o r p h y O a r (the r e m a i n i n g part is still in the possession o f C i t y and G u i l d s U n i o n ) a n d several o f the shields h a n g i n g o n the w a l l s , before s p r a y i n g the office

with shaving foam a n d leaving.

R S M U are still m y s t i f i e d as to w h o the raiders c o u l d have been for a l t h o u g h the letters ' U C were sprayed several times o n the w a l l s , u n i o n o f f i c e r s at U n i v e r s i t y C o l l e g e have d e n i e d all k n o w l e d g e o f the r a i d . T h i s is not b e i n g treated as a m a s c o t r y r a i d , as neither the M o r p h y O a r n o r t h e s h i e l d s is v i o l a t e .

A t t e m p t s are b e i n g m a d e to t r a c e the v a n i n w h i c h the m a r a u d e r s escaped.

In the m e a n t i m e , M e s s r s E a g l e s o n a n d H o b b s were tarred and feathered (or, m o r e a c c u r ately, treacled a n d feathered) for not d y i n g i n the service of the RSMU.

Dave Hobbs getting his just dessert

S C A B Treasurer Roger M i d d l e b r o o k and Ian G l e d h i l l in a scene from I m p e r i a l O p e r a ' s production of Jack Point and the Beans Talk.

GRAVEL MINERS M o n e y raised from the e x p l o i t a tion of gravel deposits under the C o l l e g e ' s s p o r t s g r o u n d at H a r l i n g t o n s h o u l d be used to improve existing sports facilities, according to a submission to the Finance and Executive C o u n c i l .

For over t w o years there have been plans to extract the g r a v e l , w h i c h is expected to be w o r t h over a m i l l i o n p o u n d s to C o l l e g e .

S u b s t a n t i a l deposits are a i r e ; e / being m i n e d on adjacent sites, and the C o l l e g e has received estimates o f the t o t a l i n c o m e a n d time scale of the o p e r a t i o n ; it is C o l l e g e p o l i c y to put a l l such w o r k out to tender. T h e o r i g i n a l p l a n s i n 1980 w e r e t h a t t h e m o n e y s h o u l d go towards i m p r o v i n g student residence, but it has since been d i s c o v e r e d by U n i o n Officers that the g r o u n d s are held in trust by the G o v e r n ing B o d y a n d that the i n t e n t i o n of the o r i g i n a l agreement was that a l l m o n e y raised f r o m their s a l e s h o u l d be u s e d o n l y t o p r o v i d e further s p o r t i n g facilities for students.

T h e s u b m i s s i o n to F i n a n c e

I Friday, December 3, 19821

and Executive Committee, w r i t t e n by A t h l e t i c C l u b s C o m m i t t e e C h a i r m a n Ian B u l l , Union President Stephen G o u l d e r and P G Affairs Officer J o h n P a s s m o r e , p o i n t s out that any excavation w o u l d i n c o n v e n i e n c e s p o r t s c l u b s to a great extent, a n d asks that a m i n i m u m area o f t h i r t y acres (plus cricket square a n d tennis courts) s h o u l d be usuable at all times. The submission also expresses disquiet at the process of r e s t o r i ng the g r o u n d s afterw a r d s , — s i n c e it c o u l d c a u s e c o n s i d e r a b l e h a r m to the q u a l i t y o f the cricket square, hockey pitches a n d tennis courts.

At the last meeting o f the committee. College representatives agreed to s u p p l y the U n i o n w i t h the results o f tests and the estimates that have been s u b m i t t e d . U n i o n Officers have made it clear that they c a n o n l y reach a d e c i s i o n on such a scheme if they are kept f u l l y informed of any further developments.

85 F r e e !

• O p s o c . W a n t e d , c h o r u s m e m b e r s for Yeoman of the Guard, ability to s i n g not a prerequisite. C o n t a c t C Paget, EE2. Rehearsals Tues 7:30pm, 5 3 P r i n c e s Gate.

• Renetly Gentlemen's Hairdressers Discount for students and staff!

C u t : first visit £3, s e c o n d visit and after • For sale: S p i t f i r e , p u r p l e , c h a s i s £2.50; S h a m p o o , cut and blow dry: first slightly damaged as a result of visit, £4.20; s e c o n d visit and after £3.85. speeding" over road ramps. Matt Mon to Fri 9am to 5pm W i l l i a m s . M e c h E n g 2.

Sat 9am to 12 noon • A u s t i n 1300 Mkll. 1973, r e c o n d i Renetly, 154a Cromwell Rd, SW7 t i o n e d e n g i n e (9.000 miles), new M o T : (Next t o British Airways Building) m a n y n e w parts. £375. P h o n e 8 8 6 4789 (eves) o r int 2315 a n d a s k D r A p p o i n t m e n t s not a l w a y s n e c e s s a r y .

• It's better when you do it in s o m e Christodoulou b o d y else's b e d — b u t don't try a n d • W o u l d anyone who can explain w h y c l i m b in afterwards.

C o l u m b i a - E M I - W a r n e r think Ent s o w e • L o n d o n Marathon Runners: are y o u t h e m a large s u m of m o n e y (mainly s p o n s o r e d ? If y o u ' r e n o t y e t , a n d f r o m last year) p l e a s e c o n t a c t them there's the slightest possibility of y o u r and e x p l a i n t h i n g s before it gets t a k e n raising s o m e m o n e y for R a g , please further. contact J o h n Ferguson, Physics 2 • J a n e F and JR C a r n i v a l s J a z z B a n d (Rag C h a i r m a n ) . enjoyed your dancing. When's the •101 uses of a dead cat has nothing private l e s s o n ? F R on C h r i s B r a n n i c k , •Wanted: t e a m s t o play in S o c c e r 6s •What are y o u d o i n g o n T h u r s d a y c o m p e t i t i o n this S u n d a y afternoon.

N a m e s to K e v R e e v e ( C h e m P G ) or D e c e m b e r 9? N o t h i n g ? T h e n w h y not c o m e a l o n g to t h e R C S U C h r i s t m a s C h a s Fu"er ( P h y s i c s 3). Prizes for Party? It'll b e t h e best, fun p a c k e d w i n n i n g team?

C h r i s t m a s p a r t y — s o be there!

• O x f a m h a . - launched a campaign to • E n t s Christmas Party—the official draw p u b l i c attention t o the plight of X m a s party with O r c h e s t r e J a z i r a (hot u n d e r - d e v e l o p e d c o u n t r i e s . In partifrom Riverside and supporting c u l a r they w i s h to f o c u s attention o n P i g b a g ) . A d m i s s i o n £1 o n l y (even in the links between B r it is h o r g a n i s a t i o n s plain clothes). a n d T h i r d W o r l d problems. P l e a s e c o u l d p e o p l e involved in IC s o c i e t i e s •Mahler symphony No 9 O n e ticket w h i c h have s o m e c o n c e r n f o r t h e r e d u c e d f r o m £5 to £4.50. A n d r e w T h i r d World, c o n t a c t me as s o o n as Davis c o n d u c t s the Philharmonia, p o s s i b l e to help with the c a m p a i g n .

R o y a l F E s t i v a l H a l l , D e c 8, 8 p m .

A l a n Thew, C h e m Ent P G . int 3818 C o n t a c t C h e h G o h , E E P g , int 1490. or 3825.

•Wanted: large s i z e n a p p i e s (4 pint •Hewlett-Packard 41C users. P P C , size). C o n t a c t A l a n S c / o M i n e s letterthe c l u b for y o u meets in M e c h E n g racks.

313 o n S a t D e c 4 2 - 6 p m . U s e f u l • L o o k out Peter Finch—you've got p r o g r a m s , useless programs, m a c h i n g competition. language techniques, hardware • T h e Royal Society lor the Supress p e e d - u p s will be d i s c u s s e d . A l l sion of Bad Taste in r i L I X s m a l l a d s welcome, details from W A C Mierwill b e h o l d i n g a d e m o o n Pete Jedrzejowicz. C R S P Group, Physics S k e l l e y ' s IC R a d i o S h o w o n Friday Dept. (tonight).

Small Ads

L E

Y A

CONDUCTOR: RICHARD DICKINS

MOZART: OVERTURE TO THE MAGIC FLUTE WEBER: CLARINET CONCERTO N0.1 SOLOIST: DAVID FUEST

HOLSLTHE PLANETS GREAT HALL 8pm FRIDAY 3rd DECEMBER TICKETS •Adult £1 Student 75p FROM. The Haldane Library, Members & the Door

v.

• F u n , fun, fun! C o m e a l o n g to what's Christmas g o i n g t o b e the best P a r t y — i t h a p p e n s on D e c 9, 7:30 in the J C R and tickets are available from the R C S U O f f i c e or R C S U Officers.

• Mike M a c C l a n c y i s i n n o w a y c o n n e c t e d with M i k e M c C l a n c y , the dimwit featured in last w e e k ' s F E L I X .

•200 tons of gravel, for sale by private treaty. £1.1 m ono. C o n t a c t M r S m i t h and bring a bucket.

• " A n d so, o n the 25th day of N o v e m ber in the year of our L o r d 1982, G o d s a i d , Let there be a G a r d e n e r s C l u b of G a r d e n Hall, a n d there was Bayleaf, S a g e and P a r s l e y . " L o n g may it g r o w and be fertile.

• H i muppet, r e m e m b e r Rick Q u i n n , try d r o p p i n g h i m a line.

• J o h n Grout guilty of high t r e a s o n to Tizard. Funeral Wednesday. N o flowers please, rotten fruit w e l c o m e .

• Darling G ard en and Weeks — E x c h a n g e o n e statue for a new boq by 9:00pm S a t u r d a y o n a c c e p t a n c e of bog, statue will b e returned. L o v e Tizard.

ilftlSo Page2|

Reps.

^

• T h e lads from Physics Wanderers were given the w e e k e n d off after their four s u p e r b victories this term. W a t c h out T i z a r d , y o u c o u l d be next. P W rule even w h e n they have it off.

•Kumkum: A belated h a p p y birthday and best w i s h e s for the future f r o m all the four b o y s in 563A. •Tonto: Refer back to i n s t r u c t i o n s o n packet and c o n t i n u e as P35 of ' R u b b e r Lover'. G M W •Is your surname Jaruzelski? If not, but y o u a r e s t i l l i n t e r e s t e d i n t h e Polish Society, contact Marek S z a d k o w s k i , B i o l o g y 4. (If y o u c a n c o o k bigos, even better.)

•Lost in Union Building o n Friday: o n e carrier bag. P l e a s e c o n t a c t Mark Allfrey, C h e m 2, v i a letter-racks.

•Wanted: e x p e r i e n c e d w o m a n to 'take me by the hand a n d s h o w me w h e r e it is'. A p p l y to Karl as s o o n as p o s s i b l e .

•'Streets of London' is still o u r best one! T h a n k s f o r t h e lovely w e e k e n d , all of y o u . C o r n e t t o .

I December 3, 1982

• A l a n , Big A and DW, c h e q u e s for five p o u n d s p a y a b l e to felix staff by 5 p m M o n d a y o r we'll print the s m a l l a d s we c e n s o r e d this week!

• T B G N is n o friend of E A P .

• E A F P is not a friend of T B G N .

• T w o double rooms available with lounge, kitchen and bathroom.

N e a r e s t tube: W B r o m p t o n , rent £22pw. Interested? P h o n e 385-3736 after 6:00pm o r c o n t a c t M i c h e l e B u c h a n a n or P a u l C a s t l e via C h e m 2 letter-racks.

• O m e g a Watch f o u n d o n W e d O c t 24.

See P M D a n i e l , M i n 3.

• Is your stereo driving you mad?

S y m p a t h e t i c attention given to a l l your hi-fi problems. Contact F Tabeart, G e o l 1.

• Ongar Rd r e q u i r e a s p i r i n g D r D oolit t le to translate B r u m m i e drivel.

P r e v i o u s z o o e x p e r i e n c e essential.'

• J o n Barnett, I had never realised y o u had s u c h a pair.

•Football: C h e m E n g IV A l l Stars 8, K i n g s C o l l e g e 4. A new football f o r c e is born. W h o ' s next?

• X of Paris—Did t h e P y t h o n have a n i c e lye in, in L i n s t e a d 127.

• M i k e — w h e r e did y o u get that d r e s s ?

The Girls.

•Petunnia (Ann)—I w o u l d g l a d l y give y o u m y oven a n d c o l o u r T V for a night you—Tim. • ICU Welfare Officer w o u l d like it k n o w n that it is not part of h i s j o b d e s c r i p t i o n , n o r is it his i n c l i n a t i o n t o have h i s b e d p i s s e d o n o r near, b y inebriated m e m b e r s of the R S M . Y o u r c o o p e r a t i o n is a p p r e c i a t e d .

• F o r sale N A D 3030 a m p l i f i e r m o r e than 30 watts p e r c h a n n e l will drive most p o p u l a r s p e a k e r s . A l s o D u a l C S 6 0 6 turntable a n d free car t r idge .

Offers over £100 f o r both (not £100 each). A l l y o u need is a pair of s p e a k e r s a n d you've got hi-fi. Will d e m o n s t r a t e. P h o n e 737-6914 a n d ask for David or c a l l at 69 Evelyn G d n s .

•Yamaha 70cc R reg, 1 year tax, 6mth M o T . N e e d s a little work d o n e , £49 ono. J o h n H u g h e s , E E 3 . (Tel 263-2487 eve).

I FELIX

RCS

Menagerie

The Royal College of Science Union's mascotry team is making arrangements for the return of two of the mascots that they have violated over the past year. The School of Slavonic and East European Studies ( S S E E S ) has accepted R C S U ' s terms, but no reply has yet been received from Queen Mary College.

S S E E S students have agreed to b u y fifty R a g M a g s a n d to go c a r o l singing i n R u s s e l l Square later this m o n t h ; a l l proceeds w i l l go to R C S R a g funds. It is generally believed that they have been let off lightly because o f the s m a l l size of this p r e d o m i n a n t l y female college. T h e i r mascot, V e l i s h , is a stuffed A b e r d e e n A n g u s b u l l ' s h e ad a n d was t a k e n f r o m its r e s t i n g place i n the canteen earlier this m o n t h .

A c c o r d i n g to a s p o k e s m a n f r o m S S E E S , it is meant to represent the ( n o w e x t i n c t ) B u l g a r i a n B i s o n , w h i c h is an E a s t E u r o p e a n fertility s y m b o l — b u t this c l a i m s h o u l d p r o b a b l y not be t a k e n too seriously.

T h e Q M C mascot, a stuffed l e o p a r d called M a r y , was c a p tured by the R C S last M a r c h , and negotiations for her r e t u r n are still i n the o p e n i n g stages. A first d e m a n d o f fifty pints o f b l o o d a n d fifty d o n a t i o n s to the sperm b a n k , w i t h 'the proceeds to go to the R C S U ' has been m a d e , w i t h r e c e i p t s t o be delivered b y J a n u a r y 24. N o reply has been received yet.

Dried Up R e s i d e n t s of the F r e m a n t l e H o t e l were w i t h o u t water last T h u r s d a y because of a b r o k e n water m a i n i n the E a r l ' s C o u r t R o a d . T h e s u p p l y h a d been severed the previous T u e s d a y but the large capacity water t a n k at the F r e m a n t l e provides water for two days, a n d the supply was reconnected o n F r i d a y .

Brave New World?

B r i t a i n is e n t e r i n g a n e r a o f u n p a r a l l e l e d wealth a n d p r o s perity, the R i g h t H o n o u r a b l e K e n n e t h B a k e r t o l d the I n d u s trial Society on T h u r s d a y .

T o d a y ' s students w i l l p r o b a b l y undergo several changes of career as a result o f the new m i c r o - c h i p r e v o l u t i o n , he said.

M r B a k e r was made the first ever M i n i s t e r for I n f o r m a t i o n T e c h n o l o g y in 1980, w i t h resp o n s i b i l i t y for the electronics, t e l e c o m m u n i c a t i o n s a n d space i n d u s t r i e s — t h e o n l y industries.

FELIX

Dramsoc's production of 'Butley', by Simon Gray

FoPSoc Thwarted A letter was sent this week by Union President Stephen Goulder to the ' F r i e n d s of P a l e s t i n e ' organisation, discouraging its members from displaying publicity around College.

M r G o u l d e r said that F O P w a s n o t o n e o f the U n i o n ' s c o n s t i t u t i o n a l social c l u bs, since it has not undergone the t w o required readings f r o m m a j o r committees.

F O P h a d been d i s p l a y i n g strongly p o l i t i c a l posters i n the U n i o n a n d the H a l l s of Residence w i t h o u t seeking a p p r o v a l f r o m either the H o n o r a r y Secretary or the W a r d e n . T h i s l e d to a c o m p l a i n t being f o r w a r d e d to the U n i o n E x e c u t i v e . T h e source of this c o m p l a i n t was not revealed.

In his letter, M r G o u l d e r p o i n t e d out that F O P may become a fully recognised society w i t h i n I C U by c o n s t i t u t i o n a l procedures, but they w o u l d still have to abide by U n i o n P u b l i c i t y Rules a n d any posters deemed offensive w o u l d not be a l l o w e d o n U n i o n premises. he c l a i m e d , that w i l l not decline over the next twenty years. I n p a r t i c u l a r he w i l l be supervising the e s t a b l i s h m e n t of cable television in 1986, w h i c h w i l l be used not o n l y for entertainment, but for i n f o r m a t i o n a n d h o m e b a n k i n g services, a n d even, he suggested, for b u r g l a r a l a r m s H e also o u t l i n e d the reasons for e n d i n g the B r i t i s h T e l e c o m m o n o p o l y , c l a i m i n g that such a r a p i d l y d e v e l o p i n g field c o u l d o n l y be p r o p e l l e d by c o m p e t i t i o n . If C o n s e r v a t i v e legislation i s p a s s e d he b e l i e v e s t h a t T e l e c o m w i l l be p r i v a t i s e d i n the near future.

Howell of Boredom T h e G o v e r n m e n t ' s new T r a n s port B i l l w i l l a l l o w for reasonable but not u n l i m i t e d subsidies for p u b l i c t r a n s p o r t , i n c l u d i n g L o n d o n T r a n s p o r t , the Secretary o f State for T r a n s p o r t D a v i d H o w e l l said in a speech to I C C o n s e r v a t i v e Society on T u e s day. T h i s was to ensure a stable a n d consistent level o f subsidy w i t h proper balance between the interests of l o c a l ratepayers a n d p a y i n g passengers.

M r H o w e l l stated the necessity to a v o i d h i g h fares w h i c h discouraged people f r o m t r a v e l ling a n d high costs to ratepayers p a r t i c u l a r l y businesses, w h i c h result in closures and job losses. H e stressed the need for a p r o p e r balance between these factors c o m b i n e d with l o n g - t e r m p l a n n i n g of transport p o l i c y .

W i t h o u t t h i s he c l a i m e d t h e subsidies b i l l for m e t r o p o l i t a n transport authorities would escalate to £700m next year f r o m £300m this year.

H e disclosed his s y m p a t h y for the view that c o n t r o l of L o n d o n T r a n s p o r t s h o u l d be r e m o v e d f r o m the G L C a n d passed to a separate T r a n s p o r t A u t h o r i t y , a.> suggested by a H o u s e o f C o m mons Select C o m m i t t e e . H e also spoke o f the need for an i m provement in L o n d o n ' s roads.

M r H o w e l l a r r i v e d twenty-five minutes late for the meeting, b l a m i n g traffic congestion in L o n d o n for his delay and addressed an audience o f about sixty. S p e a k i n g about recent legislation allowing increased l o r r y weights, he stated that r o a d transport had developed for the last twenty years w i t h o u t new legislation. T h e new regulations w o u l d reduce l o r r y damage to roads despite increased weights

December 3, 1982

by r e q u i r i n g an extra axle o n heavy l o r r i e s , as well as new limits on l e n g t h , height, noise and emissions, along with compulsory u n d e r - r u n guards and i m p r o v e d br ak e s. H e also stated that the most r o a d damage was caused by 16 t o n 2 axle l o r r i e s , a n d that the new weight limits w o u l d a l l o w lorries to be filled rather t h a n r u n n i n g up to a t h i r d e m p t y , r e s u l t i n g in fewer lorries o n the roads.

Sirs' Pleas B i l l Sirs, G e n e r a l Secretary of the I r o n a n d Steel T r a d e s C o n f e d e r a t i o n , called for the i n i t i a t i o n o f i m p o r t c o n t r o l s to protect h o m e i n d u s t r i e s , when he s p o k e t o t h e I n d u s t r i a l Society on T u e s d a y .

M o s t of M r Sirs's address concerned his j o b as a T r a d e U n i o n leader, but not u n expectedly he t o o k time off to criticise the C o n s e r v a t i v e G o v ernment's i n d u s t r i a l p o l i c y . H e also gave an insight into the d a y to-day r u n n i n g o f the L a b o u r P a r t y ; M r Sirs was i n s t r u m e n t a l in the switch to a m o r e moderate executive earlier this year.

L S E Out? Students at the L o n d o n S c h o o l of E c o n o m i c s c a m e close to refusing to pay their £12,000 affiliation fee to the N a t i o n a l U n i o n o f Students last week. A t M o n d a y ' s r o u t i n e u n i o n meeting, a m o t i o n p r o p o s i n g that the money s h o u l d be spent on a racehorse attracted a m a j o r i t y of the votes.

But the L S E w i l l r e m a i n affiliated to the N U S because a t w o - t h i r d s m a j o r i t y is r e q u i r e d o n a l l f i n a n c i a l matters. It also seems likely that the m o t i o n was o u t s i d e the p o w e r s of the c o n s t i t u t i o n because the students' u n i o n is (for tax purposes) a registered c h a r i t y .

Page 3

to m e m b e r s o f the c l u b . T h i s c l u b is the I C R e f e c t o r y C l u b , w h i c h every student a n d m e m b e r o f s t a f f o f t h e C o l l e g e is a m e m b e r of. N o rules o r c o n s t i tution, perhaps conveniently, a p p e a r t o exist f o r this c l u b .

I told you so ?

Dear Martin T w o weeks ago, I entered the F E L I X O f f i c e t o ask y o u a b o u t the c o p y d e a d l i n e , since I had been a s k e d to w r i t e an article f o r y o u r paper by Chess C l u b . Y o u a s k e d w h a t it w a s about, and when I told you, you r e c o m m e n d e d that I s h o u l d n o t W e hear a great deal these b o t h e r as y o u p r o b a b l y w o u l d d a y s a b o u t the a c c o u n t a b i l i t y o f n o t p u b l i s h it because n o one businesses to t h e i r w o r k f o r c e . A t w o u l d be interested. A n y w a y I I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e , s e e m i n g l y , we w r o t e it a n d s u b m i t t e d i t , a n d , o f are p r o d u c i n g a g e n e r a t i o n o f course, y o u d i d not p u b l i s h it. I future m a n a g e r s w h o are tau gh t d o not k n o w , or particularly that not o n l y is a c c o u n t a b i l i t y care, w h y it was not p u b l i s h e d u n n e c e s s a r y b u t it is a l s o (badly w r i t t e n , or no one u n d e s i r a b l e . It w o u l d s e e m interested), but what does w o r r y i n s te a d t h a t secrecy i n f i n a n c i a l me is that w h e n a society s u c h as matters is the lesson o f the d a y .

Chess C l u b does submit an B y now R i c h a r d N i x o n no a r t i c l e , its first o f the y e a r n o d o u b t greatly regrets ever less, that it is i g n o r e d . W e d o n o t m a k i n g the statement " T h e r e d e m a n d , ask for, or expect w i l l be no c o v e r - u p at the W h i t e massive coverage, but it w o u l d H o u s e " . W i l l this then be I C ' s b e n i c e t o be a c k n o w l e d g e d ' W a t e r g a t e ' . I f there is n o t h i n g w h e n we d o c o n t r i b u t e t o w h a t is to h i d e , w h y h i d e it? S u c h as m u c h o u r n e w s p a p e r as n e e d l e s s s e c r e c y is t h e v e r y a n y o n e else's. O t h e r societies, eg feedstock of malicious and Sci F i , contribute boring, u n f o u n d e d r u m o u r . I n the w o r d s meaningless a n d u s u a l l y u n i n of the greatest ' f a n ' i n the f o r m a t i v e d r i v e l every week a n d business, " S h o u l d we be t o l d ? " have it p u b l i s h e d .

Yours faithfully O n e o f the reasons y o u gave Ian N L a c e y me for p r o b a b l y n o t p u b l i s h i n g MRE PG was l a c k o f space. T h i s , one c a n c l e a r l y see, is y o u r p o l i c y so as to s t o p societies c o n t r i b u t i n g . It

Is it not a strange state o f affairs t h a t the m e m b e r s o f a c l u b c a n not a n d m a y not see the accounts for their o w n club. I h a r d l y t h i n k that the member s o f I C U w o u l d tolerate a s i m i l a r s i t u a t i o n i f this was the case w i t h the U n i o n .

Queensgate?

Dear Sir I have r e a d w i t h interest the recent articles i n F E L I X c o n c e r n i n g the C o l l e g e bar a c c o u n t s .

A f t e r 'ast week's d e v e l o p m e n t ("Bar Accounts Open"), I am m o v e d to put pen to paper.

Perhaps I am now getting r ath er l o n g i n the t o o t h a n d m y m e m o r y is f a i l i n g m e , but at the b a c k o f m y m i n d I r e c a l l once b e i n g able to r e a d i n F E L I X that the p r o f i t a n d loss figures f o r the refectories a n d the bars. N o w it seems we're to be given less t h a n that.

F r o m a l l the d i s c u s s i o n the legal p o s i t i o n o f the bars seems to have been o m i t t e d . T h e bars i n C o l l e g e operate u n d e r a ' C l u b c e r t i f i c a t e ' , w h e r e b y the sale o f a l c o h o l i c beverages is p e r m i t t e d

Guildshit... again Dear Martin I a m w r i t i n g to y o u because I feel that y o u r article " G u i l d s h i t H i t s the F a n " suggests that Guildsheet is c a r r y i n g o u t a c a m p a i g n against N i c k P y n e , this is just not the case.

F i v e issues o f Guildsheet have been p r o d u c e d this t e r m , o n l y t w o s m a l l articles o n N i c k P y n e have been p u b l i s h e d (issues 2,4).

T h i s does n o t seem to me t o be the "series o f attacks o n h i m s e l f in several issues " t h a t y o u m e n t i o n o n y o u r f r o n t page, p a r t i c u l a r l y as i n t h e s a m e p e r i o d we have c r i t i c i s e d M i k e Bartlett three times, G o r d o n B o w s e r three t i m e s , E n g i n e e r i n g Board, Bar Committee, and Stephen G o u l d e r a l l twice as well as Steve B i s h o p , J o C l a y d o n and B r i a n Shindler once each.

I a m qu i te content t o s t a n d b y the contents o f Guildsheet,to the extent o f v i g o r o u s l y d e f e n d i n g any action M r Pyne m a y take against us i n the c o u r t s ! ! !

Y o u r s bemusedly Frank Rowsell Guildsheet E d i t o r

Page4l

Dear Sir T h e a c c u s a t i o n m a d e i n last week's F E L I X that I have c a r r i e d o u t c h a r a c t e r as s as s i n ations o f N i c k P y n e i n Guildsheet is t o t a l l y false.

Guildsheet has not p u b l i s h e d " a series o f a t t a c k s " o n N i c k P y n e , n o r is the ' H i s s i n g S i d ' c o l u m n w r i t t e n solely b y m y s e l f as was stated i n F E L I X . F u r t h e r m o r e I was not the a u t h o r o f the piece i n the p r e v i o u s issue o f Guildsheet that N i c k P y n e t o o k e x c e p t i o n to.

Dear Martin I realise that the subject o f ' G u i l d s h i t ' m a y be o l d a n d perhaps w e a r y , b u t I w o u l d like to c l a r i f y the s i t u a t i o n a n d correct certain comments in your editorial.

I personally, along with C B a n d F r a n k , t o o k n o e x c e p t i o n to the p u b l i c a t i o n , c o n te nt or distribution of 'Guildshit'; along w i t h Steve G o u l d e r a n d y o u r s e l f I f o u n d it h i g h l y a m u s i n g . It was p u r e l y the r e m o v a l o f Guildsheet w h i c h was a n n o y i n g as p e o p l e A l l that I have w r i t t e n f o r h a d been w o r k i n g a l l night to Guildsheet has been, I believe, e n a b l e us t o d i s t r i b u t e i t o n fair comment on matters of W e d n e s d a y m o r n i n g , a n d the p u b l i c interest. fact it c o n t a i n e d m a t e r i a l I a m sure it is n o t i n the s p e c i f i c a l l y related to M o r p h y interests o f either G u i l d s or N i c k D a y . A s yourself k n o w Messers Pyne to become i n v o l v e d in a P y n e a n d B a r n e t t have a p o l o long and acrimonious dispute. gised a n d agreed that the W h y c a n ' t the E d i t o r o f Guildwas sheet a n d N i c k P y n e discuss their r e m o v a l o f Guildsheet w r o n g ; I t h a n k t h e m for their differences in an adult and apologies. a m i c a b l e w a y a n d let the matter Y o u r e d i t o r i a l r e f e r r ed to Yours faithfully end there? heavies a n d suggests p h y s i c a l J P Stanley i n t i m i d a t i o n ; w h e n I went t o PS: I t h o u g h t Guildshit was f i n d M r B a r n e t t there were hilarious too.

I December 3,19821

seems r i d i c u l o u s to me t h a t societies i n A C C receive t w o pages (three this week) i n w h i c h they w r o t e r e p o r t s w h i c h are o n l y r e l e v a n t to t h e i r o w n members, a point on which y o u c r i t i c i s e d me ( i n d e e d , they even p u t i n t e a m lists w h i c h v e r y few o f us c o u l d give a d a m n a b o u t ) , yet R C C , S C C , C C U s a n d the B o o k s h o p a l l have to share one page. Y o u might c l a i m that s p o r t s teams represent the C o l l e g e , but this falls d o w n , because so d o C h e s s C l u b ( m y article c o n c e r n e d one such event, i f y o u r e a d it). I C C h e s s C l u b is the s t r o n g e s t c o l l e g i a t e chess club i n L o n d o n , entering two teams f o r the U L U league a n d f o u r f o r the U L U k n o c k - o u t , as w e l l as b e i n g the o n l y C o l l e g e to enter a t e a m ( t w o , i n fact) in a league outside o f the U n i v e r s i t y .

T h e c o n c l u s i o n o f this letter is, please if, o r w h e n , we s u b m i t a n o t h e r a r t i c l e , d o not d i s m i s s it because y o u r e g a r d us as i n s i g n i ficant (a lot o f p e o p l e at I C are interested i n chess, even i f they d o not b e l o n g to C h e s s C l u b ) , a n d , m o r e g e n e r a l l y , n o society s h o u l d be regarded t o o i n s i g n i ficant for a m e n t i o n i n the newspaper of Imperial College U n i o n , i f they ask for s u c h a m e n t i o n , or a s m a l l a m o u n t o f space, because p e o p l e are interested i n societies to w h i c h they d o not b e l o n g .

IC

Yours sincerely D P Kingston Chess C l u b C o m m i t t e , 4th member

i n d e e d six p e o p l e w i t h m e ; m o s t o f w h o m w o u l d not be d e s c r i b e d as 'heavies'. T h e p u r p o s e o f this was t o enable r a p i d r e d i s t r i b u t i o n o f Guildsheet a n d o b t a i n i n g the m i s s i n g copies. I p e r s o n a l l y a s k e d M r B a r n e t t for the copies, e x p l a i n i n g reasons w h y this was necessary. T h e s e he a c c e p t e d and r e t u r n e d the c o p i e s i n a p p r o x i m a t e l y fifteen m i n u t e s .

Y o u m e n t i o n o f f i c i a l c h a n n e l s ; it was felt that speed i n o b t a i n i n g the m i s s i n g c o p i e s was o f p r i m e i m p o r t a n c e , and this speedy r e t u r n was the o n l y m a j o r requirement; thus rendering o f f i c i a l c h a n n e l s as a s e c o n d a r y consideration. As you know Steve was i n f o r m e d , so as to keep h i m i n the p i c t u r e .

W i t h reference t o the copies o f ' G u i l d s h i t ' in our possession these were those f r o m E l e c E n g , these have n o w been d i s t r i b u t e d f r o m the G u i l d s Office to people w h o came i n a s k i n g for them.

Yours sincerely Steve B i s h o p C i t y & G u i l d s President 1982/3

I FELIX

EDITORIAL ( • • • • • • • E D Southside Move O n c e a g a i n C o l l e g e Secretary J o h n S m i t h a n d the Estates D e p a r t m e n t are t r y i n g to get the U n i o n m o v e d to S o u t h s i d e . T h e p l a n , i f it goes t h r o u g h , w i l l i n v o l v e m o v i n g m o s t o f the U n i o n f a c i l i t i e s to the l o w e r f l o o r s o f the S o u t h s i d e B u i l d i n g ( b e l o w the H a l l s o f Residence) w h i l e a l l o w i n g C o l l e g e to take over the present b u i l d i n g i n Beit for their o w n purposes. C o l l e g e are p r e p a r e d to p a y f o r the m o v e . W h y are they b e i n g so generous? M o r e i m p o r t a n t l y , w h y are they t r y i n g to r u s h it t h r o u g h so q u i c k l y ? In m y E d i t o r i a l i n one o f the p o s t g r a d F E L I C E S I made some observations as f o l l o w s :

s t r o n g sense o f t r a d i t i o n ( n o t a b l y m y t w o predecessors) it seemed that the U n i o n c o u l d well benefit f r o m such a scheme.

B u t C o l l e g e ' s a t t i t u d e is c h a n g i n g . R i g h t f r o m the start J o h n S m i t h has been h o l d i n g his cards close to his chest. T h e m o v e was p r o p o s e d last M a r c h , but the plans were not revealed to the student b o d y u n t i l the very e n d o f M a y , s h o r t l y before the end o f t e r m a n d c e r t a i n l y not a l l o w i n g e n o u g h time f o r s u f f i cient debate o n the m a t t e r before u n d e r g r a d u a t e s went h o m e for t h e l o n g v a c . It w a s t h e n revealed that f o r the m o v e to take place i n S e p t e m b e r 1983, the U n i o n w o u l d have h a d to a p p r o v e the plans by the e n d of O c t o b e r 1982, o n l y a few weeks

after undergraduates had rea s s e m b l e d . C a u t i o n began to harden into suspicion.

N o w the s u s p i c i o n is t u r n i n g to distrust. C o l l e g e is t r y i n g a different tac k . P l a n s for the m o v e have been shelved for the time being w h i l e C o l l e g e offers m o r e facilities in S o u t h s i d e ; very generous, but we s h o u l d still be w a r y o f their motives. I n a year o r so, if M r S m i t h p o i n t s out to a different E x e c that since we have so m a n y U n i o n activities based

in S o u t h s i d e it m i g h t benefit us to m o v e the w h o l e U n i o n there, it w i l l be as w e l l to r e m e m b e r the m e t h o d s that were t r i e d the first t i m e , a n d to e x a m i n e the o p t i o n s very c a r e f u l l y . " T h e h a r d sell d i d n ' t w o r k , so C o l l e g e s w i t c h e d to a less h e a v y - ! handed approach. N o w , with a new E x e c m o s t l y i n e x p e r i e n c e d in d e a l i n g w i t h C o l l e g e , J o h n S m i t h has s w i t c h e d b a c k to t r y i n g to p u s h the deal t h r o u g h as q u i c k l y as possible—just as Mark Smith warned that he would in his Editorial last May. The c o r r e c t a t t i t u d e n o w , as i n A u g u s t , as last M a y is to be v e r y , very, c a r e f ul before we c o m m i t ourselves, a n d then to get the details of'any deal wellpublicised and in writing.

" W h e n the idea o f m o v i n g the U n i o n to S o u t h s i d e was first mooted, cautious optimism seemed t o be i n o r d e r . Premises in S o u t h s i d e are u n d e r u s e d , a n d it is i n everyone's advantage to have the U n i o n situated as near to the m a i n H a l l s o f Residence as p o s s i b l e . P l a n s h a d b e e n d r a w n u p after l o n g c o n s u l t a t i o n s w i t h a r e s po n s i b le U n i o n P r e s i d e n t , a n d despite protests from certain factions who h o l d a Christmas F E L I C E S I w a r n e d y o u last week that there w i l l be n o F E L I X next Friday December 10; instead F E L I X has got together w i t h the C a r e e r s Service to p r o d u c e a careers b r o c h u r e c o n t a i n i n g lots o f articles f o r those o f y o u w h o are t h i n k i n g a b o u t w h a t y o u ' r e g o i n g to be d o i n g f o r eight h o u r s a d a y f o r the rest o f y o u r life. It w i l l be p r i n t e d w i t h the o l d r e d F E L I X design ( l i k e last year's F E L I C E S ) a n d there w o n ' t be e n o u g h f o r everyone to have one, so please d o n ' t take one i f y o u ' r e a first year o r a second year w h o is less t h a n keen o n making a decision about a career. It's essential r e a d i n g for t h i r d years, o f course.

T h e f o l l o w i n g T u e s d a y is the b u m p e r C h r i s t m a s F E L I X , the like o f w h i c h has never been seen before. T h i s issue coincides w i t h the r e t i r e m e n t of C a p t a i n L i n d l e y , the salty o l d sea-dog turned College A d m i n i s t r a t o r w h o was so v i c i o u s l y p i l l o r i e d by m y predecessors.

H e rose to fame t w o years ago w i t h his repeated insistance that C o l l e g e is b e i n g r u n at the z e n i t h o f efficiency, a n d this s o m e w h a t exaggerated v i e w together w i t h his c a t c h p h r a s e T d o n ' t s t a n d and count ' e m ' made h i m almost too v u l n e r a b l e to a student rag F E L I X B H H H M H H H i

s u c h as this. I've let h i m o f f l i g h t l y this t e r m , but next week the C h r i s t m a s F E L I X w i l l be a special C a p t a i n L i n d l e y r e t i r e ment issue, w i t h m u c h n a v a l a n d ex-naval humour.

I n a d d i t i o n , P i n o c c h i o is p r e p a r i n g a d o u b l e spread o f p u z z l e s , Victor Mooney (no k i d d i n g ) is w r i t i n g o n the lighter side of C h r i s t m a s c o o k i n g , S c a r a m o u c h e ( r e m e m b e r him?) is o f f e r i n g silly ideas for X m a s games, W a l k a b o u t - L o o k s e e w i l l be e x p l a i n i n g the best w a y to m a k e m i n c e pies light A n d f i n a l l y , we s h a l l r e i n t r o d u c e the C h r i s t m a s free gift, a r e g u l a r t r a d i t i o n u n t i l t w o years ago. Y e s , the team w h o b r o u g h t y o u the c u t - o u t m o d e l o f the A l b e r t M e m o r i a l , the c o n t r a c e p t i v e smartie ( h o l d it between y o u r knees) a n d y o u r very o w n F E L I X h a c k (a c o u g h sweet i n every issue) have d o n e it a g a i n . W a i t till next week a n d see the biggest a n d best free gift ever. A l l this a n d m o r e i n y o u r Christmas F E L I X , published T u e s d a y week.

Clubs and Societies A letter f r o m Chess C l u b i n r ath er i n j u r e d tone c o m p l a i n s that I refused to p r i n t a b o r i n g article they s u b m i t t e d t w o weeks ago; may I offer my own

d e f e n c e , r a t h e r t h a n use t h e p i t i f u l excuses they put i n t o m y m o u t h in their letter (before d e m o l i s h i n g t h e m , o f course).

Y o u were w a r n e d at the e n d o f last t e r m ( i n m y statement o f intent) a n d i n the F r e s h e r s ' issue that this year's p o l i c y w o u l d be to cut right b a c k o n c l u b s a n d societies articles. I asked if a n y o n e o b j e c t e d to t h i s , a n d received no c o m p l a i n t s .

W e d o p r i n t some R C C a n d S C C a r t i c l e s , a n d I ' m s o r r y if the Chess C l u b consider them 'meaningless drivel': nevertheless it's not their j o b to decide what is d r i v e l a n d w h a t isn't: it's m i n e . A n d I base m y decision, not o n l y o n m y o w n o p i n i o n , but o n feedback f r o m other students.

L a s t year the consensus was that most c l u b s a n d societies articles ( w i t h few exceptions, n o t a b l y S c i F i ) were b o r i n g ; this year, t h e n , they get a x e d .

B u t there is a n o t h e r , yet m o r e i m p o r t a n t r e a s o n , a n d this is w h y A C C get three pages a n d R C C , S C C , the B o o k s h o p a n d the C C U s share one page: space is F E L I X is o n l y l i m i t e d by the m a n p o w e r a v a i l a b l e , a n d it is p a r t . o f the A C C V i c e - C h a i r m a n ' s j o b t o a c t as F E L I X S p o r t s Editor. Chris Mallaband, and before h i m L e s l e y H o r r o c k s a n d P h i l W e b b , c a m e to be sports

December 3,

1 9 8 2 • • • • •

e d i t o r v i a their interest i n s p o r t , not j o u r n a l i s m ; if anyone f r o m R C C or S C C is p r e p a r e d to take r e s p o n s i b l i t y f o r a page o r t w o o f F E L I X , I ' l l be m o r e t h a n d e l i g h t e d to let t h e m f i l l it w i t h all the c l u b s a n d societies articles they w a n t . I m e a n this qu i te seriously: a n y takers?

Other Inclusions N o society, r e l i g i o u s o r o t h e r w i s e , has a G o d - g i v e n right to articles in F E L I X . A l l letters, s m a l l ads, features and o p i n i o n s are i n c l u d e d at m y d i s c r e t i o n , a n d I t e n d t o be less d i s c r e e t w i t h a n y t h i n g a n o n y m o u s or p s e u d onymous.

W h e n it c o m e s t o O p i n i o n p o l i c y is to a l l o w a n y o n e the r i g h t to one a r t i c l e , a n d then a n y o p p o s i n g f a c t i o n the right o f r e p l y . I c a n n o t then a l l o w the first w r i t e r to reply to the r e p l y or p r o l i f e r a t i o n a n d b o r e d o m b e c o m e the o r d e r o f the d a y . If y o u w r i t e an o p i n i o n , I ' m a f r a i d y o u ' l l have to accept that y o u r o p p o n e n t s w i l l h a v e the last w o r d . I w o n ' t let the o p i n i o n columns become a literary tabletennis m a t c h ; if you're not h a p p y w i t h the state o f affairs after t w o a r t i c l e s , write to the letters page.

Christmas F E L I X Copy Deadline is 1730h o n M o n d a y 6 t h .

I Page5

Letters continued from page 4

Logorrhoea Sir M r G a r s i d e i n his letter last week omitted several very i m p o r t a n t p o i n t s , that I feel it is m y d u t y to correct. F i r s t l y , D r C T Onions' book ' A n Etymology o f the E n g l i s h L a n g u a g e ' gives the w o r d ' b e t r a y ' as d e r i v i n g from the L a t i n 'Tradeo-ere', f r o m w h i c h w e a l s o have s u c h w o r d s as ' T r a d e r ' — s u r e l y a n honest o c c u p a t i o n .

S e c o n d l y . I fail t o see h o w M r G a r s i d e c a n refer to W e b s t e r ' s 'Usage a n d Abusage' without mentioning H e i n r i c h Splitter's authoritative work 'The Etymological Derivations o f English from G e r m a n W o r d s ' .

While admittedly Herr Splitter does n o t a c t u a l l y m e n t i o n t h e word in question, such an o m i s s i o n o n M r G a r s i d e ' s part is totally unforgivable.

F i n a l l y , M r G a r s i d e c a n n o t be unaware o f m y A m e r i c a n colleague P r o f e s s o r J C r u m b l i n g Sweatshirt's book 'Really a m a z i n g l y o b s c u r e, l u d i c r o u s o r just plain silly meanings o f everyda y w o r d s ' , w h i c h attaches to the w o r d ' b e t r a y ' a s y m b o l i c m e a n i n g that (while I shall n o t m e n t i o n it i n the c o l u m n s o f this worthy journal) M r Garside m i g h t d o w e l l t o research.

I a m . S i r , d e l i g h t e d t o have been able to clear u p this little matter.

Colonel

Yours faithfully R T Finch-Waterbutt (retd)

Ignorant Democracy

I I I ' i |

Rent-a Sloth Fur Dear Martin H a v i n g trudged wearily back to m y h o v e l a f t e r a t a x i n g m o r n i n g sitting a r o u n d talking to people ( a l l elfin properties b e i n g s o m e w h a t l a c k i n g due to the weather a n d the fact that I h a d to breakfast before 9:30), I s h a m b l e d across to the letterr a c k , a n d l o ! I b e h e l d a letter.

With a certain amount of t r e p i d a t i o n (ref C & G President) I f u m b l e d w i t h the contents.

W a s it this q u a r t e r ' s e d i t i o n o f 'The electronic calculator a n d m a r s u p i a l f a n c i e r s ' gazette'? O r p e r h a p s , j o y u p o n j o y , the latest circular from the R o b i n D a y F a n C l u b . C o u l d it be (at times like this, one's m i n d always turns t o the m o r e f u n d a m e n t a l desires) that a n u n k n o w n P e r u v i a n great aunt h a d left me a s m a l l fortune i n s l o t h furs? M y m i n d raced.

U n f o r t u n a t e l y it t r a n s p i r e d to be a f i n a l d e m a n d note f o r m y H a l l fees, w h i c h w o u l d n ' t have been quite so peeving i f I h a d n ' t p a i d t h e m weeks ago.

D e t e r m i n e d to rent m y f r u s t r a t i o n u p o n some u n s u s p e c t i n g b u r e a u c r a t I strode f o r c e f u l l y i n t o the Students Services Office.

M u c h to m y d i s a p p o i n t m e n t I was t o t a l l y deflated b y a very apologetic gentleman who e x p l a i n there w a s a l o t o f it a b o u t , a n d they were c a l l i n g i n r e n t - t o - k i l l next week. B y way o f e x p l a n a t i o n he s h o w e d m e a s i n g u l a r l y u n i m p r e s s i v e , large, dog-eared string o f paper with lots o f b i r o o n i t .

T h e reason? course.

Computers, of

Yours ironically Dear Martin A n d y Robinson T h e recent articles i n F E L I X DoC 1 suggest t h a t there is n o w a c o n s i d e r a b l e a m o u n t o f interest i n — a n d ignorance about—the N a t i o n a l U n i o n o f Students at T h e matter is i m p o r t a n t a n d Dear Sir c o n c e r n s n o t o n l y those o f us D o n ' t y o up u b l i s h short s t u d y i n g here n o w , b u t future letters a n y m o r e ? generations o f students. This Yours faithfully surely merits the cost o f a £300 Ian N L a c e y campus-wide referendum o n reMRE PG affiliation.

The U n i o n c a n afford to C o n s i d e r i n g that times are s p e n d ten times this a m o u n t o n h a r d f o r I C U (!) it w o u l d seem r e p a i n t i n g t h e c e n t r a l staircase that, relatively speaking, the i n the U n i o n B u i l d i n g . F u r t h e r price o f a d e m o c r a t i c c h o i c e i n m o r e , there is a U n i o n c o n the matter is perhaps n o t so tingency f u n d o f £9,000 a v a i l a b l e expensive after a l l . in reserve f o r just such u n Yours sincerely budgeted expenditure, should Peter B u r t the need arise.

I

C

Page 61

HINDS UP I

be kool-write for The Phoenix poems, short stories, articles all required leave your contributions in the FELIX Office

CHRISTMAS PARTY

Space Fillers

jvidfy

December 3, 1982

i f f i

focPnkr

in

\%c

j.c.r.

ONIA £ 1 ? !

FELIX

Human Rights Week During the next seven days, a whole range of clubs and societies will be getting together with the aim of making members of the College more aware of violations of human rights in the world. The result is Human Rights Week, being held under the auspices of the Social Clubs Committee.

Throughout the next week there will be speakers and films on various aspects of human rights. O n Thursday there is a Human Rights Fair in the J C R at which clubs will be represented by displays and stalls.

Further details are given later.

It is a l l t o o easy t o accuse governments w h i c h are o f a different p o l i t i c a l o r religious p e r s u a s i o n o f h u m a n rights v i o l a t i o n s while i g n o r i n g those c a r r i e d o u t b y one's o w n . T h e U n i t e d K i n g d o m g o v e r n m e n t has been f o u n d g u i l t y b y the E u r o p e a n C o m m i s s i o n o f H u m a n R i g h t s , i n recent years, o f t o r t u r i n g prisoners i n its gaols, restricting press f r e e d o m , r e s t r i c t i ng people's right n o t to j o i n a trade u n i o n a n d h a v i n g subjected c r i m i n a l s t o d e g r a d i n g p u n i s h m e n t .

C i t i z e n s o f this c o u n t r y , h o w e v e r , d o have some f o r m o f remedy against their g o v e r n m e n t . People i n s o m e countries are n o t so fortunate.

H u m a n R i g h t s W e e k is a w a y o f i n f o r m i n g y o u o f their p l i g h t . A t the very least the W e e k w i l l r e m i n d those w h o live i n free c o u n t r i e s , like the U K , h o w l u c k y they are a n d o f the need f o r constant vigilance to defend their cherished freedoms.

EVENTS All Week Lunchtimes JCR West London Chaplaincy m e m bers w i l l be u r g i n g y o u to write to y o u r M P to s t o p B r i t i s h companies exporting equipment that c a n be used f o r t o r t u r e . O n e such piece of e q u i p m e n t , a s h o c k - b a t o n , offered to cus-

i i i i i _t I_I i i i i ICCCCCO [l~l~l~l~l~M t I I I

W H A T A N U N I N S P I R E D lot y o u are! Barely anything worthy of a s p r i g o f h o l l y , let a l o n e a n acrostic that c o u l d w i n a X m a s p u d d i n g . S t i l l , I've h a d a few entries, a n d that can't be a l l b a d , I suppose. F r o m N i c k M o r t o n , last year's I C U President we have F L O W E R S : F o r l o r n L o r d Only Wears Extremely Rare S m i l e a n d (rather better, I t h i n k ) N I C K Y P Y N E : Novice Incompetent C h a i r m a n K e e n l y Y e a r n s P r e s i d e n c y , Y e t Needs E l e c t i n g .

Nick Pyne himself offered M A R T I N S T A Y L O R : Many A Rough T i m e Inspires N o n descript Student T o A t t e m p t Year Long Oratorial Reproduction. M o v i n g away from personalities, Stephen B a r n e t t (Physics P G ) gave us Q U A N T U M M E C H A N I C S : Quite Untrue A n d N o t Terribly Useful Method Might Even Cause H a r m f u l A n d Nontrivial Infinities C o r r u p t i n g Science. B u t m y f a v o u r i t e so far is f r o m N e w s Editcr Adrian J a m e s — G U I L D S H E E T : Grammar Usually Inaccurate, Layout Dreadful, Spelling Horrendous, Editor Especially T e d i o u s .

FELIX1

tomers ( i n c l u d i n g representatives o f t h e C h i l e a n j u n t a ) at t h e British A r m y Equipment E x h i b i t i o n was described as ' i d e a l f o r use i n p e n a l i n s t i t u t i o n s ' a n d ' p r o d u c e s a b o u t 4,000 volts but w i t h very l o w current to a v o i d burns or permanent injury' a n d w o u l d a l m o s t c e r t a i n l y be used for t o r t u r i n g .

B E L O W

Tuesday 1:00pm Civ Eng 201 'The C y p r u s P r o b l e m ' A talk by the C u l t u r a l A t t a c h e to the Cypriot Embassy in L o n d o n , o r g a n i s e d b y the C y p r i o t Society.

1:15pm ME 220 A n eyewitness a c c o u n t o f the destruction of L e b a n o n during the recent Israeli o c c u p a t i o n , by t w o O x f a m relief w o r k e r s , P a m a n d D e r e k C o o p e r , o r g a n i s e d by the I s l a m i c Society.

1:30pm Physics LT1 A m n e s t y I n t e r n a t i o n a l are s h o w i n g t h e f i l m Lines to Freedom. T h i s f i l m examines the cases o f f o u r people a d o p t e d b y Amnesty, and includes an interview with an ex-military torturer from Uruguay.

6:00pm ME 342 F r e d H a l l i d a y , author, corresp o n d e n t f o r the Guardian a n d New Statesman a n d a u n i q u e a u t h o r i t y o n what has been h a p p e n i n g i n I r a n over the past few years, w i l l be s p e a k i n g o n 'Revolution and Counter Revol u t i o n i n I r a n ' o r g a n i s e d b y the S o c i a l i s t a n d I r a n i a n Societies.

6:00pm Union Lower Refectory W I S T have a speaker f r o m the International Contraception, A b o r t i o n andSterilization

C a m p a i g n . T h i s o r g a n i s a t i o n is involved in promoting abortion w o r l d w i d e as w e l l as t r y i n g t o stop such practices as c l i t o r e c t omy.

A l s o , the C a t h o l i c Society have a speaker f r o m the L i n n a k e r G r o u p o n ' M o r a l i t y In M e d i -

Thursday Lunchtime JCR A Human Rights Fair w i t h stalls f r o m the A n t i - A p a r t h e i d G r o u p d e a l i n g w i t h the o p p r e s s i o n o f the b l a c k m a j o r i t y i n S o u t h A f r i c a , the C a t h o l i c Society d e a l i n g w i t h aspects o f h u m a n rights i n L a t i n - A m e r i c a a n d the role o f the C a t h o l i c c h u r c h there, a n d Jewish Society l o o k i n g at afflicted m i n o r i t i e s i n Arab and Islamic countries whether Christians, Jews or K u r d s a n d focusing o n Syrian Jewry.

1:00pm Union Lower Refectory The Socialist & L a t i n - A m e r i c a n Societies w i l l be s h o w i n g the f i l m El Salvador-Another Vietnam.

T h i s f i l m examines whether the U S A must bear r e s p o n s i b i l i t y for m u c h o f the t r o u b l e a n d b r u t a l atrocities c a r r i e d o u t i n this C e n t r a l A m e r i c a n state d u r i n g the last c o u p l e o f years.

•iii t i i i i ii iii II1 It IIIIIII I i i i i i i i i t i i i i i i i i I I I i_i~i~i~rri"ri~i~t"i~i ii i ri~i~i~i_i_i_i_i_i_i, T i • I• I1 I• I I1 I• I I I• I• I1 I• II II I• II T1 II i_i~i~i I • 1 1 ri~ri"i t"i'"i~i~i~i~i~i \~~~\~\~\ i i i i i • i i i i i I I i I . I concerns two photographs I T o n y h a d been c a l l e d t o much have been given o f s a i d M r F i s h higher service. w i t h o u t c l o t h i n g i n the U n i o n B a r . I n one o f t h e m he is being A N O T H E R C O U P L E o f stories forcibly held d o w n i n a spreadf r o m the H e a l t h C e n t r e , this eagle posture f o r heaven k n o w s time f r o m a s p l e n d i d freebie what p u r p o s e , a n d i n the other given by the staff to i n t r o d u c e us he is l o c k e d i n a n embrace w i t h U n i o n hacks lo the H e a l t h the R a g M a g ' s p n e u m a t i c a d C e n t r e people, a n d i n p a r t i c u l a r vertising m a n a g e r , L e a h P h e l p s . to A l a n S w a n n , the new d o c t o r .

I have refused to p r i n t the Stephen G o u l d e r was there, o f p h o t o s i n the interest o f p u b i c course, having come from decency. several other receptions d u r i n g

i ii

I_L

_

_

_

%3ek> A s I w r o t e last week, the best offering by 1:00pm W e d n e s d a y wins a large C h r i s t m a s p u d d i n g , so get t h i n k i n g . ( G r o s s l y O v e r weight U n i o n Leader....)

S O M A N Y doctors' receptionists t a k e p r i d e i n b e i n g as o b s t r u c t i v e l y officious as p o s s i ble; such a relief t h e n , to f i n d that those at the C o l l e g e H e a l t h C e n t r e a r e a b o u t as h e l p f u l , c h a r m i n g a n d efficient as it is possible to be. S t i l l , even H o m e r nods, as they say, a n d I was a m u s e d t o hear a story about s o m e o n e w h o p h o n e d u p the H e a l t h C e n t r e to ask i f it w o u l d be possible t o b o o k a n a p p o i n t ment w i t h D r T o n y H a i n e s .

Since T o n y h a d recently left to take u p his new j o b , the receptionist replied that she was s o r r y but ' D r H a i n e s is n o longer w i t h us.'

T h e r e was a s l i g h t l y e m b a r rassed pause before the caller replied ' O h dear, I am sorry...1 h a d n o i d e a ' a n d then h u n g u p , clearly under the i m p r e s s i o n that

the d a y , a d r i n k i n the b a r at l u n c h t i m e a n d the U n i o n sherry h o u r at six o ' c l o c k ; consequently he was m o r e t h a n a little the worse f o r a l c o h o l , a n d when he came t o i n t r o d u c e the D e p u t y Preisdent a n d the H o n o r a r y Secretary o f the U n i o n , he forgot not one but b o t h o f their names.

B u t f o r me the most i r o n i c incident o f the evening was the absence o f D r S w a n n himself, w h o h a d left w o r k at l u n c h t i m e that d a y . Reason? H e wasn't feeling w e l l !

O N E D A Y I r e a l l y must meet G a r e t h F i s h a n d f i n d out just w h y (or h o w ) he keeps getting i n v o l v e d in such c u r i o u s p r e d i c a ments. This week's escapade

I December 3, 19821

I D O N ' T K N O W what some people expect o f a newspaper.

M i k e M a c C l a n c y , subject of several anecdotes i n this c o l u m n last week, came to see me last F r i d a y full of merriment a n d laughter. W h y , he w a n t e d t o k n o w , h a d I missed o u t some o f his grossest c o c k - u p s ? H e went o n to detail several m o r e stories against himself, a l l of which caused m u c h h i l a r i t y a m o n g the F E L I X staff.

It was a very different M r M a c C l a n c y w h o c a m e to see me later i n the week, quite o u t r a g e d that I was a c t u a l l y c o n s i d e r i n g p r i n t i n g m o r e stories a b o u t h i m .

S t i l l , I've spelt his name right this week, so he hasn't got qu i te so m u c h to g r u m b l e at.

I Page7

PINIONi Three weeks ago Friends of Palestine wrote an Opinion article expressing their point of view on the conflicts in the Middle East. The following week Jewish Society made reply, and this week it is the turn of a third faction to express their opinions on the others' views.

In The Name of God

Peace in Palestine —an Islamic Perspective Peace in Palestine and for that matter anywhere in the world must be based on Justice.

" S a y : O P e o p l e o f the B o o k !

Y e have n o g r o u n d T o s t a n d u p o n unless Y e s t a n d fast b y the L a w , E v e r y b o d y k n o w s a n d understands the T h e G o s p e l , a n d a l l the R e v e l a t i o n h a r d s h i p s i n f l i c t e d u p o n the J e w s b y the T h a t has c o m e t o y o u f r o m N a z i s d u r i n g W o r l d W a r II. H o w e v e r , it is Y o u r L o r d . " ( K o r a n 5-71) n o t u n d e r s t a n d a b l e w h y t h i s s u b j e c t is G o d p r o m i s e d to give the H o l y L a n d to always brought up whenever somebody those w h o u p h o l d H i s L a w , those w h o m e n t i o n s Z i o n i s t crimes. W h y is it that the e n j o i n w h a t is right a n d f o r b i d what is Jews want people t o c o n d e m n the N a z i s f o r w r o n g . H e does n o t f a v o u r a people o f a their c r i m e s , but w h i t e w a s h the crimes o f the p a r t i c u l a r race o r c o l o u r but people o f g o o d Z i o n i s t state? T h i s shows a d o u b l e s t a n d a r d faith a n d a c t i o n . attitude. " W e o r d a i n e d f o r the c h i l d r e n o f Israel G o d , w h o created the H e a v e n s , the E a r t h T h a t i f anyone slew a n d m a n k i n d is the most Beneficient. H e A p e r s o n — u n l e s s it be gave us ( t h r o u g h H i s P r o p h e t s ) the L a w t o F o r murder o r for spreading keep us f r o m g o i n g astray, he has ( i n H i s m i s c h i e f i n the L a n d — L a s t R e v e l a t i o n ) r e m i n d e d the J e w s a n d the It w o u l d be as i f C h r i s t i a n s o f the i m p o r t a n c e o f k e e p i n g t o H e slew the whole o f m a n k i n d ( K o r a n 5:35) His L aw:

T h u s we believe that the k i l l i n g o f even one c h i l d is e n o u g h t o define the recent Israeli aggression as a ' h o l o c a u s t ' .

A s m u s l i m s (devoted to G o d ) we have to w o r k f o r the achievement o f J u s t i c e ; surely, we w o u l d prefer this t o be d o n e peacefully a n d we i n v i t e e v e r y b o d y i n v o l v e d to contribute. However, justice includes 'harshness' l o the c r i m i n a l s as o r d a i n e d i n the L a w : " W e o r d a i n e d therein ( T o r a h ) f o r t h e m Life f o r life, eye f o r eye, N o s e f o r nose, ear f o r ear Tooth for tooth, a n d wounds Equal for e q u a l . " Tippy Sheriff

Meanwhile, from another quarter entirely, some foreign news of a different kind

Fe Gofiwn N i !

A r r h a g f y r 1 l e g 1282, C w b l h a w y d concwest Lloegr o G y m r u a marwolaeth Llewelyn ap Gruffydd y n g nghyffiniau Cilmeri.

T o r r w y d ei b e n y m a i t h a ' i g l u d o i L u n d a i n i'w arddangos ar bolyn. C l a d d w y d ei gorff y n ybaty c w m h i r . C o d w y d carreg a r ei F e d d g a n g o f i w n y n 1978.

Gerwyn ap meudwy (MRE I) a Alan (Tywysog Mawr) Robinson (Physics J) ( B a c h y n g n g y n a r o n d p e n b l w y d d hapus i Gaynor.)

Imperial College Choir presents

Canterbury pilgrims

Dyson's setting of Chaucer's Prologue Friday 10th December 1982 in the Great Hall 8pm Tickets £1.50 (students £1) from Choir members or the Haldane Library.

PageSU

December 3, 19821

FELIX

IREVIEWSI

Little Cretin Schweyk in the Second World War by Bertolt Brecht, music by Hanns Eisler, directed by Richard Eyre, The Olivier, National Theatre.

S c h w e y k , the archetypal 'little m a n ' and imbecile a n d m o r o n extraordinaire, was born of the pen of Jaroslav H a s e k in the early years of this century. In The Good Soldier Schweyk, the hero achieves the rare distinction of being t a k e n p r i s o n e r by his o w n s i d e . H e is a disgrace to his uniform (an ill-fitting one).

Jaroslav H a s e k , a B o h e m i a n , seems to bear an uncanny resemblance to the hero in his novel. H a s e k scribbled stories in the intervals of wandering off and getting into d r u n k e n brawls. H i s sole biographer, S i r C e c i l Parrott, r e l a t e s of his f r e q u e n t e n t r y i n t o p o l i c e records, one of w h i c h was to the effect that "while in an intoxicated state, the abovenamed performed his lesser bodily needs in front of the main police station." A one-time soldier and a one-time anarchist, he achieved a m o d i c u m of respectability when he edited a journal called ' A n i m a l W o r l d ' , but spoiled it by inventing new animals and embellishing it with hitherto u n k n o w n facts s u c h as that elephants enjoy gramophone records.

Brecht considerably r e w o r k e d the novel into the musical play we have today. T h e B r e c h t i a n S c h w e y k is once again an accomplished cretin w h o tells jokes a n d ludicrous anecdotes with an incessant zeal. Bill Paterson takes on the (demanding) title role in the production at the National T h e a t r e , and what a hilarious evening it turns out to be!

S c h w e y k ' s cretinism is gloriously demonstrated right from the start of the play. A G e s t a p o agent brings in news of attempt on A d o l f ' s life in M u n i c h . S c h w e y k w o n d e r s whether this is the Adolf who w o r k e d for the chemists and is now in the concentration camp, or the Adolf who collected dog manure and is now in the concentration camp.

B u t there is more to S c h w e y k than his imbecility. S c h w e y k does not resist. H e does not rebel. H e does not argue. H e does not question. H e does not demand. H e does not defy. In short, S c h w e y k possesses all those splendidly negative attributes that authority l o o k s for in t h e p e r f e c t , p a s s i v e c i t i z e n .

A u t h o r i t y can always depend on S c h w e y k . But don't think S c h w e y k and his story is a period piece. O h no, S c h w e y k i s m lives and there are S c h w e y k s e v e r y w h e r e, yes even in this College. E v e n the person sitting next to you as y o u r e a d t h i s m a y be a S c h w e y k . ( Y o u r reviewer k n o w s of at least two S c h w e y k s in the College.) M o s t importantly for the play, a S c h w e y k k n o w s the secret of immortality itself: yield. T h e first rule of S c h w e y k i s m is conquer by yielding. Shall not the meek inherit the earth?

In Schweyk in the Second World War we are seeing how the world's S c h w e y k s contributed to Hitler's global campaigns, albeit in a hilarious manner. T h e play is interluded with views of the 'higher regions' where Hitler and his accomplices look down on the world and d e m a n d r e a s s u r a n c e that they may depend on 'the little man', and it is here that we witness a stroke of genius by the designer of this p r o d u c t i o n , William Dudley. Hitler and his grim gang (Himmler, G o e r i n g , G o e b b e l s and V a n B o c k ) are presented as enormous figures with strikingly large masks. These appear right at the beginning of the play in a halo of dry ice and coloured lights among clouds drawn in the manner of caricatures of these characters.

Hissing electronic sounds complement their metallic echoing voices, and one is reminded of FELIXI

some episode of D r W h o involving the master of the universe or some s u c h . T h e production is full of such bedazzling theatrical effects. O n returning to the auditorium after the interval one is confronted with a n enormous b o x over which is draped a black cloth. A t t h e start of the second part a huge hand descends upon this box and lifts off the drapery with forefinger and thumb in a Pythonesque fashion. A H o g a r t h i a n c o r n e r of B e d l a m is r e v e a l e d , replete with cripples, a n d of course S c h w e y k .

Besides the settings and the effects, t h e characters and the plot are no less amusing.

Brettschneider. G e s t a p o agent provocateur, is played b y William A r m s t r o n g . W i t h a small moustache, well worn raincoat a n d grubby briefcase he looks t h e picture o f a provincial n e w s p a p e r j o u r n a l i st s e e k i n g s o m e s o r d i d piece o f scandal, M r A r m s t r o n g can assume

Lyrical Epic The Night of San Lorenzo, Cert A, written and directed

by Paolo and Vittorio Taviani, Curzon Cinema, Cur on St. Subtitled.

It is the night of S a n L o r e n z o , the night of the falling stars w h e n wishes c o m e true, that a young w o m a n chooses to recall her loved one, her baby son, one s u c h night long ago in 1944 when she and a group of peasants iefi behind their small T u s c a n village to escape the N a z i s and seek the protection of their allies, the A m e r i c a n s . But the child is asleep and the young w o m a n therefore talks to herself and the audience.

T h e peasants wander across their ancestral landscape managing to avoid the G e r m a n s but failing to avoid the fascists, the blackshirts.

These encounters are brief and bloody, but throughout the film the peasants' struggle with the landscape and with the marauding gangs o f fascists is blown up to epic proportions in the minds of the survivors. T h e events are as seen through the eyes of a six-year-old girl, but the Taviani brothers are clearly seeking to chart how a human ordeal changes with time i n the minds of individuals, and how it is embellished a n d h a n d e d d o w n t h r o u g h the e n s u i n g decades. In short the brothers are seeking the origins of a legend. T h e peasants' arduous trek through the countryside becomes a kind o f Iliad and w h e n , through hunger a n d tiredness, they begin to hallucinate, they see H o m e r i c

I December 3, 19821

the most ludicrous and comic facial express e s . B r i a n G l o v e r plays B a l o u n , a rotund gentleman rather partial to dumplings, and H a r r y T o w b plays the part of S S Lieutenant Bullinger. A large part of the plot c o m e s around the trouble S c h w e y k finds himself landed in when he is ordered by S S Bullinger to wrest out of the clutches of its owner a little dog he (Bullinger) has t a k e n a fancy to in the park. Bullinger wants to give it to his wife, and S c h w e y k h a s to get the d o g o r f a c e t h e consequences.

T h e production comes a little bit loose at the seams in the second part when there is m u c h wandering about the stage a n d little dialogue but t h i s d o e s n ' t blot the p r o d u c t i o n in a significant way. T h e play remains very funny, totally zany and totally unmissable.

Nick Bedding figures complete with shield, helmet and lance materialise by their side.

T h e film paints some s h o c k i n g contrasts N o t all the villagers left their homes, about half sought refuge in the c h u r c h : the c h u r c h , and the p e o p l e i n s i d e , a r e b l o w n u p b y t h e G e r m a n s . T h e sight of the priest, dejected and s u r r o u n d e d by corpses, and suddenly lonely as his remaining flock escape the scene of carnage carrying with them their mutilations was indeed a pitiful sight. (The T a v i a n brothers claim the events as fact; the film is based on their childhood experiences A n o t h e r shocking contrast was a fierce battle b e t w e e n t h e w a n d e r i n g p e a s a n t s a n d the blackshirts in a ripe c o r n field. H o w e v e r , this scene somewhat failed to convey the d r a m a i n t e n d 1. M a n y died in this confrontation but because the film never built up on character isation to any significant extent, this episode was somewhat distant and unmoving. E v e n the superb O m e r o A n t o n u t t i , who played a harsh and almost eccentric father in the brothers' a c c l a i m e d Padre Padrone, fails to c o m through as a distinct character.

T h e film e n d s w h e r e it s t a r t e d w i t h a romantic view of a starlit sky above a quiet city, seen through the opened windows of a r o o m . T h e woman's voice softly concludes the tale; the legend has now become a romance.

W i n n e r of the S p e c i a l J u r y P r i z e at this year's C a n n e s F i l m F e s t i v a l The Night of San Lorenzo is lyrical, visionary and epic, and despite its limitations it remains a very good film.

N i c k Bedding

I Page9

R E A L *ef«EK& Me N ^ TIMC NOW

4 , 0 lx <?< ,=>? c

TE.6PLE. W I L L B t LCOfcINC, T o E .

•soHeoNe Tr, M O Q

sjsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssa AN

IC D R A M S O C

9

ROSENCRANTZ AND

GUILDENSTERN T O M

STOPPARD

A

R

E

DEAD

IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION CONCERT W E D S 8th: T H U R S 9th: FRI 10th: S A T

P R I C E £1.50

LOST

Sports Centre

PRODUCTION

Open

PROPERTY

Security have 7 calculators

Sundays

all h a n d e d in since the start

0900 — 1300h S q u a s h (staff) £1.50 p e r c o u r t .

S q u a s h (student) 7 5 p p e r c o u r t .

S w i m (staff) 5 0 p p e r p e r s o n S w i m (student) 30p per person.

Season tickets allowed up to Xmas.

o f t e r m . C o m e to R m 150, Sherfield B u i l d i n g to i d e n tify y o u r s .

John Boroughs Security Officer

HALL

11 ih: Die:

•outhsibe i£>hop

7:30pm

Stocking Jailers;

Ttto 7

C80MWELLIAIV Entrance o n

3 C r o m w e l l Road S W 7

Is M u m fed up with the umpteenth bottle of Chanel No. 5 ?

Could D a d possibly fit another Rolls Royce Silver Ghost into the garage?

Teh 584 7258 Opposite Natural History Museum, 2 mins from South Kensington Tube

NEW C O C K T A I L A N DW I N E B A R

Opening: M o n d a y - Friday 6 . 0 0 - 1 1 . 0 0 Saturday 9.00 - 1 1 . 0 0 INTRODUCING H A P P Y

T h e n w h y not buy your family one of the marvellous range of I C goodies for a change? E a c h item proudly bears your College crest a n d c a n be purchased from the Southside Shop. C h o o s e from:

H O U R S

Polyester

6.00 - 9.00 pm

Stratton

C o c k t a i l s at £ 1 . 2 0 & D r i n k s 60p

headsquares powder

Gilt-edged

playing

IC pottery

mugs

£2.20

compacts

£6.50

cards

£2.50

£0.80

ALSO NIGHT open

Tuesday

There are also a wide range of other goods available, including sweatshirts, T-shirts, ties, cuff-links, tie-pins, glassware and cassettes.

S o t o ensure a merry C h r i s t m a s (not to mention next term's parental contribution) p o p into your local shop s o o n !

CLUB - Saturday

11.00pm - Late.

W i t h Ladies N i g h t on Wednesdays.

Page 101

Ladies FREE Entrance Cocktails £1.00 Drinks 70p

I December 3, 19821

I FELIX

ICLUBS & SOCIETIES!

RSM

T h a n k s very m u c h to everyone who came out o n M o r p h y D a y a n d completely fed the other two m o b s in the battle. It was all the more c o n v i n c i n g considering R C S didn't even use a van a n d so b o t h they a n d C & G were going for the same one. A n y w a y well done and don't w o r r y about C & G claims of possessing V r d of the oar as they obviously didn't k n o w its original length (but what do y o u expect from bad losers).

Starting on D e c e m b e r 12 (Sunday) is our F o r e i g n S t u d e n t s W e e k . T h i s is a v e r y important week for us and we really need people to c o m e along o n all the evenings and give the foreign students a good time. W e have the reputation of having the best F S W e e k in E u r o p e , so let's m a k e sure we all live up to that. A s k M i k e N a y l o r ( F S O ) if he needs any help or for any details.

N B : W e need your names for the Mines Ball (Dec 17). C o m e in to the office with a cheque a n d b o o k your place. W e also need the names of partners of people who haven't told us, and we need t h e m n o w !

3

Foreign Students Week S u n D e c 12, G l u c k A u f , Southside B a r .

M o n Dec 13, P u b C r a w l , Starts U n i o n B a r .

Tues D e c 14, H o n P o r n s Nite, U n i o n B l d g .

W e d D e c 15, F S B a r Nite, U n i o n B a r .

T h u r s D e c 16, D e L a B e c h e Party, M i n e s Fri D e c 17, M i n e s Ball, Sherfield C o m e a n d have a great time.

Cheers.

Nige

RCS

Congratulations to the masses w h o came collecting on the 24-hr collection—the prizes for top collector and highest average year will be awarded at the C h r i s t m a s U G M .

A reminder to all reps that G e n C o m m is o n M o n d a y . Y o u were elected to represent your views, c o m e along a n d let them be heard.

C h r i s t m a s comes early to R C S U with the event of the season being held on T h u r s d a y in the J C R . Basil's Balls U p B a n d , a disco, food and free beer (and wine) after 11:00 for just £1.50 with a refund if y o u wear C h r i s t m a s fancy dress. T i c k e t s available from soc reps and the U n i o n Office. See y o u there!

Fiona

STOIC

Bookshop News M e m b e r s of the H G W e l l s S o c i e t y m a y r e m e m b e r G o r d o n Pask c o m i n g to speak to y o u , which I gather went d o w n extremely well.

H e has a new b o o k recently published Micro Man, living and growing with computers.

G o r d o n P a s k a n d S u s a n C u r r a n published by C e n t u r y Publishing C o . T h e y were established early this year a n d will be specialising in b o o k s on science a n d technology.

Christmas Suggestions Shogun Inheritance - Collins £12.95 Pottery in the Roman World - L o n g m a n £14.95 Encyclopaedia of Art - M a c m i l l a n £5.95 Four Seasons Cookery Book - C o o k e r y C l u b s £4.95 Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain Souvenir £6.95 Motoring for Millions ~ B l a n d f o r d £8.95 W h i c h Book of DIY - H o d d e r £11.95 Spectacle of the Empire - F a b e r £12.50 World Atlas of Wine - Beazley £17.95 Lichfield on Photography - C o l l i n s £9.95 Voyage of the Armada - C o l l i n s £9.95 Art of Making Wine - A u r u m £6.95 Winston Churchill - M a c m i l l a n £8.95 Falklands War - Beazley £9.95 Concise Atlas of World History - T i m e s £12.50 Some Lovely Islands - A r l i n g t o n £11.95 The Beatles - B l a n d f o r d £4.95 Science and Life of Albert Einstem - O U P £15.00 G o o d English Guide - D e n t £7.95 Profit Forecasts - G o w e r £19.50 Roget's Thesaurus - L o n g m a n £7.95 Discovering Britain - H o d d e r £12.95

J Soc

A l l the recent events seem to indicate that I C J S o c is b e c o m i n g m o r e broad-minded. S h o c k !

H o r r o r ! Is t h a t w h y t h e c h a i r m a n h a s resigned? W a s the Friday meal at the Liberal Synagogue the turning p o i n t — n o one wanted to go to the o r t h o d o x equivalent? A n d the trip to the S p a n i s h a n d Portuguese Synagogue—it attracted all sorts of peoplle. W h a t will this Friday's controversial, provocative yet truthful account of events in L e b a n o n do for this image? Will the speaker give a s e c o n d lecture?

W i l l a n y o n e be e l e c t e d c h a i r m a n , at t h e C h a n u k a h P a r t y ? Is this the end of J S o c civilisation as we k n o w it? F o r the answers t o t h e s e q u e s t i o n s a n d m o r e , s e n d a selfaddressed envelope a n d two latkes t o acting chairpersons, c/o S C letter-racks, U n i o n Office, or c o m e along t o any event listed in W h a t ' s O n (eg today 5:45pm).

It has just been brought to our notice that there are other societies at Imperial College other than S T O I C that is. W e found this newz somewhat surprising as, apart from the odd fight with the F E L I X W h a t ' s O n Editor, we never hear from t h e m .

C o n t r a r y to popular belief N e w z b r e a k does have an audience (we k n o w this as they keep This week's lecture is entitled ' S u c c e s s runs, phoning us up when we disconnect their sets) M a r k e r c h a i n s a n d s t r e n g t h s of f i b r o u s a n d iz therefore a useful means of publicity for m a t e r i a l s ' in s h o r t ' S t a t i s t i c a l t h e o r i e s of eventz w h i c h are o p e n to all I C students. strength'. It will be delivered by D r R i c h a r d A l t h o u g h s o m e of y o u may never have S m i t h of the Physics D e p a r t m e n t o n Tuesday experienced it, S T O I C c a n produce extremely at 1:00pm in Physics L e c t u r e Theatre 2. S o if professional vizual material, and although our y o u want to k n o w h o w to win at roulette Q u a n t e l unit iz at present on loan to C h a n n e l F o u r , our prezenters are always ready to provide one of our constitutional functions w h i c h is to publicise union (and society) eventz a n d we have a n almost endless stock of zs.

R e m e m b e r , societies, we don't all scour the First, t h a n k s to everyone w h o came to hear the speaker from Exit. W e hope we'll see y o u F E L I X W h a t ' s O n page searching y o u out, so again contact us at the T V Studio or o n internal If y o u ' d like to go o n o u r mailing lists a n d get 2637. advance notice of our meetings, please send a O u r H o n Sec says " L o o k what we did for note to the C h a i r m a n , M i k e M a l l i c k , via the G u i l d s M o t o r C l u b , " anyway, we're sorry and P h y s i c s letter-racks. we won't let it happen again, f-E L 1 X HIIMIW •!• II 111 l — l I HI I I I B I I I I H i l l l l M l l l l• • • • D e c e m b e r 3, 1982HMRIMI

MOPSOC

Soc

1

Soc

Border Reflections - C o l l i n s £5.95 How Birds Walk - B l a n d f o r d £8.95 Gulliver's Travels - Macmillan E3.95 Dictionary of Ghosts - H a l e £9.50 Prodigal Daughter - H o d d e r £7.95 Stately Homes of Britain — D e b r e t t £12.50 There is only one Raffles - S o u v e n i r £8.95 Dreamers Dictionary - S o u v e n i r £6.95 Within Whicker's World - E l m T r e e £8.95 Holy Blood and Holy Grail - C a p e £8.95 Best of James Herriot - J o s e p h £12.95 National Trust Atlas - Philips £9.95 Sports Photographic - A u r u m £9.95 In the Mouth of the Dragon - C e n t u r y £8.95 Desert Marsh & Mountain - C o l l i n s £15.00 Q u e s t for Adventure - H o d e r £14.95 Railway Photography - David & Charles £12.50 Cookery in Colour - H a m l y n £3.99 Pastry Book - D a v i d & C h a r l e s £7.95 Cuisine of the World - A l l e n £7.95 Microwave Recipe Book - N o r t h w o o d £7.75 Full Circle - M c C r a e £9.95 Map Makers - J u n c t i o n £12.50 Churchill Family Album — L a n e £12.95 Dictionary of Trade Names - R K P £7.95 Illustrated Dictionary of Nautical Terms D a v i d & C h a r l e s £9.95 Guide to the Law - L a n e £14.95 Macmillan Encycloposdia - M a c m i l l a n £14.95 Drinks Books - M a c d o n a l d £7.95 T o the H e a d of D e p a r t m e n t w h o w a n t e d to give all thirty of his staff a c o p y of Science For Industry, published by Imperial College at £6.75 ' hardback, £3.50 p a p e r b c k , we are selling out.

S o , if he c o u l d please send a firm order to m e , as I wouldn't like to disappoint all his staff by not having enough stock. T h a n k y o u !

*PG> Soc I m u s t m e n t i o n Wizards, w h i c h w i l l be available for viewing this c o m i n g T u e s d a y , D e c e m b e r 7, a n d is thoroughly r e c o m m e n d e d .

I m e a n , after Wuthering Heights what more c o u l d you want (apart from a dictionary?).

Y u g the all Powerful

Amnesty Y o u mav well wonder what we do during o u r meetings. A t a typical meeting we might discuss the following: the latest fund-raising e v e n t (we have to pay a n a n n u a l £400 subscription fee to A l to help towards the costs of researching prisoner cases), a planned visit to the B e n i n E m b a s s y in Paris (going ahead this D e c e m b e r ) a n d letter-writing. S o far this t e r m we have sent over 125 letters to g o v e r n m e n t o f f i c i a l s in B e n i n ( w h e r e o u r prison..: is being held) a n d over 30 letters as part of the U r g e n t A c t i o n s scheme.

Tom Brake Al Chairman

Astro Soc L o t s of exciting things happening including a trip to J o d r e l l B a n k o n W e d n e s d a y D e c e m b e r 8, places limited so get your name to C a r o l B u r k e , Physics 2 (via the letter-racks on Level 2 or at lectures) as s o o n as possible. C o s t will be £7.80 with a railcard. F o r t h c o m i n g lectures include 'Alternative Energy S o u r c e s in A s t r o physics' on the 7th a n d 'Studies of Distant G a l a x i e s ' o n the 14th. A l l lectures are held at 6:30pm in P h y s i c s L e c t u r e Theatre 2 or 3 on Level O n e . F o r further details of all o u r events just keep an eye on the noticeboards.

IPagell

s

PORT Football Firsts

I C vs Q M C 1 6-3 I C Ists recent r e v i v a l c o n t i n u e d o n S a t u r d a y i n this h i g h - s c o r i n g , low skill, low temperature, low v i s i b i l i t y 6-3 w i n o v e r Q M C .

D e s p i t e the absence o f J o h n L a y (groin strain), A l a n H a r l o w a n d Steve D u n h i l l ( b o t h t r y i n g to get g r o i n strains!) I C q u i c k l y t o o k c o n t r o l a n d were s o o n 2-0 u p t h r o u g h w e l l - t a k e n goals by Nick Gaskill and Graham Rickard. However,QMCreceived an early C h r i s t m a s present w h e n a series o f passes to the o p p o s i t i o n by G r i f f i t h s a n d B e r n s ( ' W h o ' s side was he o n , a n y way?') culminated in M a r t i n C u r r a n ' s clearance r e b o u n d i n g off a Q M C p l a y e r into the net.

S o o n after the start o f the second half Dave Stephenson m a d e it 3-1 b u t I C ' s defence, a p p a r e n t l y t h i n k i n g the game w a s n ' t close e n o u g h , gave Q M C another goal. The following period of IC pressure was n o t a b l e f o r that rare species, a R i c k a r d header. G r a h a m , a m a z e d to see the keeper save at f u l l stretch. S o o n after this D a v e G r i f f i t h s beat the off-side t r a p a n d headed h o m e G r a h a m ' s free k i c k . B e i n g t w o goals u p I C a g a i n lost interest a n d keeper Steve Veats b o u g h t a n expensive d u m m y as Q M C m a d e it 4-3. In the g a t h e r i n g g l o o m D a v e S t e p h e n s o n got his s e c o n d g o a l o f the game, a n d then f i n a l l y the b a l l l o o m e d o u t o f the f o g to h i t K e v ' a l m o s t - g o a l - a - g a m e ' Reeve o n the knee a n d f i n i s h u p i n Q M C ' s net.

I C vs K i n g s 3-1 T h e 3-1 v i c t o r y over K i n g s (4) was a game dragged out of m e d i o c r i t y b y the efforts o f one man.

A devastating dribble, in w h i c h J o h n M c G u c k i n beat 11 K i n g s ' d e f e n d e r s (5 o f t h e m twice), resulted in R i c k a r d h a v i n g the simple task of s e n d i n g the b a l l fifty y a r d s i n t o a stiff w i n d f o r D a v e Stee to score.

A n y K i n g s attacks were repelled by r a z o r - s h a r p t a c k l i n g tireless r u n n i n g f r o m M c G u c k i n . H T 10; i n the line o f d u t y , M e g a s t a r M c G u c k i n offers his o r a n g e to c a p t a i n P a g e , s a y i n g ' Y o u need

Page121

it more t h a n I do!"

K i n g s d r e w level after the break, despite an incredible effort f r o m M c G u c k i n to keep the b a l l o u t . T h i s setback raised M c G u c k i n ' s anger, a n d his pace, v i s i o n a n d c u n n i n g were to o much for K i n g s . T h e i r goalkeeper was so intent o n a v o i d i n g k i c k i n g the b a l l a n y w h e r e near M c G u c k i n , he k i c k e d it straight to R i c k a r d . w h o scored.

A final goal, resulting from M c G u c k i n d r a w i n g no fewer t h a n six K i n g s defenders out o f the b o x , was a mere f o r m a l i t y , so d e m o r a l i s e d were K i n g s by this fine c i t i z e n .

Thirds I C vs Q E C 1 2-2 H a v i n g t r e k k e d the w i l d o u t b a c k o n foot f r o m R i c h m o n d tube, I C Ill's miraculously arrived c o m p l e t e w i t h eleven m e n at the remote P e t e r s h a m sports g r o u n d to t a k e o n the m i g h t o f a Q u e e n ' s first eleven w h o h a d d e m o l i s h e d a depleted I C I V ' s 61 o n l y ten days p r e v i o u s l y .

F o l l o w i n g a hesitant start o n a rain-soaked pitch which didn't a l l o w either side to d o m i n a t e , I C a l l o w e d Queens the l u x u r y o f a n u n m a r k e d header f r o m a f l i c k e d o n c o r n e r a n d p a i d the in evitabl e price.

A n enthusiastic fightback ensued with centre f o r w a r d A n t o n M i l n e r battling gamely against a tight central defence.

T h e b r e a k t h r o u g h f i n a l l y came through a powerful drive f r o m new s i g n i n g B i l l M c G i n n w h i c h left the keeper g r a s p i n g f o r t h i n air. H a p p i n e s s was s h o r t - l i v e d h o w e v e r as a s i m p l e defensive e r r o r was p u n i s h e d i n c l i n i c a l f a s h i o n , a n d Q E C went into the i n t e r v a l l e a d i n g b y the o d d g o a l i n three.

A n exciting i f slightly scrappy s e c o n d h a l f saw several chances go begging at either end. M i d f i e l d ace N e i l V a n d e n b e g i n was u n l u c k y t o see h i s s p a r k l i n g c r o s s - f i e l d r u n create n o t h i n g but a fruitless g o a l - m o u t h s c r a m b l e , a n d s tan d i n c a p t a i n C h r i s G o r d o n missed a g o o d o p p o r t u n i t y f r o m close range i n classic defenders' style.

T h e c l i m a x o f the m a t c h c a m e fifteen m i n u t e s f r o m the e n d as B i l l set the seal o n his debut w i t h a n o t h e r s t u n n i n g g o a l f r o m the edge o f the b o x to g a i n I C a w e l l e a r n e d d r a w . A g o o d result f r o m an u n d e r - s t r e n g t h team that d e f i n i t e l y needs to i m p r o v e its p e r f o r m a n c e at da r t s !

T e a m : P Simpson, P Smith, C Gordon, R Richards, S Kler, N

\andcitbc\iin, II Mctiinn. /' H'adsworih, 1 'Priding.

I Mihwr, S Cos.

Ten Pin Bowling Six i n t r e p i d adventurers set o i l ' for the s n o w y wastes o f S u i c h l c v last F r i d a y . l o bow 1 i n lite twelve hour Birmingham M a r a t h o n .

A f t e r a r r i v i n g in B i r m i n g h a m at 9 : 3 0 p m . R a y ' s s i e v e -1 i k e memory managed l o somehow guide us to the r e q u i r e d bus s t o p a n d we a r r i v e d w i t h plenty o f time to spare so the l o c a l c h i p p y was i n v a d e d a n d J e f f a n d M a r k p r o c e e d e d to s h o w these B r u m mies h o w to play video games, before r e t u r n i n g to the b o w l to register.

vagary ' B i s l e y T w i t c h ' has p l a y e d h a v o c w i t h the technique ol s e v e r a l m e m b e r s , n o t a b l y J u l i a A v e r y , w h o n a r r o w l y beat J o h n W a r t o n i n r e a c h i n g the week's lowest score o f 77(!).

Tonight ( F r i d a y ) members have a g o l d e n o p p o r t u n i t y to e x p e r i e n c e at f i r s t h a n d t h e astute wit o f Steve H a r r i s o n ( C l u b C a p t a i n , contact v i a E l e c L n g letter-racks) as he delivers the r i t u a l d e v a s t a t i n g h o m i l y to the n a t i o n f r o m the t o p table at the c l u b d i n n e r . A l l meet i n Stans at 7 : 1 5 p m . A w a r n i n g to a n y female m a r k s p e r s o n s p r e sent, w a t c h o u t f o r N o e l L i n d say, especially i f he is c a r r y i n g a sleeping b a g .

Squash

At m i d n i g h t precisely the bowling began.

F o r the first few h o u r s the tea m b o w l e d w e l l , s t a y i n g as h i g h as fifth place f o r s o m e time b u t at a r o u n d 7:00pm we started to tire. R a y , w h o h a d p r e v i o u s l y p r o v e d h i m s e l f extremely adept at s k i m m i n g the b a l l u n d e r the gate w i t h just a few inches to spare, a c t u a l l y started to w a i t u n t i l the pins h a d p u t i n a n appearance before s t a r t i n g his r u n u p , a n d as the teams scores fell away the dr e ade d s u b hundred looked increasingly l i k e l y . A f t e r a n u m b e r o f close shaves it f i n a l l y h a p p e n e d at a b o u t 10:30, a n d the w h o l e team was s m o t h e r e d i n s y m p a t h y f o r his e m b a r r a s s m e n t .

By this t i m e , A n d y was s t o r m i n g up the i n d i v i d u a l p o s i t i o n s a n d b y the e n d o f the c o m p e t i t i o n at m i d - d a y he h a d reached t h i r d place o v e r a l l , o u t o f 120 entrants. P a u l excelled himself bowling well above average to f i n i s h a p p r o x i m a t e l y 2 5 t h , a n d K e v i n , J e f f ( w h o also b o w l e d a b o v e average), R a y a n d M a r k finished in a clump between 40th a n d 6 0 t h , the team o v e r a l l f i n i s h i n g 8th o u t o f 2 0 t h .

T e a m : Ray Cook, Jeff Quinn, Mark Stanley, Kevin Short, Andy McMullan, Paul Schofield.

Rifle & Pistol It's been a b a d week f o r I C ' s top m a r k s p e r s o n T H u g g s w h o f l o p p e d t o a m i s e r a b l e 89 i n the L S B R A league, thus w r e c k i n g t o t a l l y the chances o f I C A t e a m , unless G a r y a n d G o r d o n , ( P r o fessor) B o w s e r c a n p r o d u c e the sort o f f o r m that has p u l l e d us f r o m the j a w s o f i g n o m i n y o n m a n y o c c a s i o n s before.

The well known medical

I December 3,19821

lsts 2nds 3rds 4ths 5ths 5ths 5ths Ladies Ladies

3 2V 2 1 1 5 5 5 5

2

Q M C lsts L o n H2nds R F H 2nds QMC'2nds B a r t s lsts Q M C 4ths B S O 2nds Barts Q E C

2 27 3 4 4 0 0 0 4

2

The Firsts, Seconds and T h i r d s a n d L a d i e s c o n t i n u e to h o l d their o w n i n their respective d i v i s i o n s . E s p e c i a l l y pl e a s i n g are the F i f t h s team's p e r f o r m a n c e to date, b e a r i n g , i n m i n d that we're the o n l y c l u b i n the league to r u n this m a n y mens sides. F o l l o w i n g yet a n o t h e r d i s a p p o i n t i n g a n d i n e x p l i c a b l e F o u r t h team result there has been s o m e r e s h u f f l i n g of the selection order i n a desperate attempt to a v o i d r e l e g a t i o n to the d e p t h s o f D i v i s i o n 5. T h i s is one reason w h y a n u m b e r o f players have been receiving late n i g h t , last m i n u t e S u n d a y e v e n i n g calls.

Other team members I ring d e l i b e r a t e l y at u n e a r t h l y h o u r s as r e t r i b u t i o n f o r n o t h a v i n g t i c k e d off.

A sample V - n e c k e d , a c r y l i c I C S q u a s h C l u b jersey, price ÂŁ8.00 has at last a r r i v e d f r o m K i m berley P r o m o t i o n s . T h e y are also a v a i l a b l e i n r a g l a n o r w o o l , a n d the c o l o u r scheme c a n be specified o n a n i n d i v i d u a l basis.

A n y b o d y interested s h o u l d see me p e r s o n a l l y .

F i n a l l y , o n M o n d a y evening, D e c e m b e r 6 (after this weekend) there's a m i n i - s o c i a l g o i n g o n i n H a r r y ' s f r o m say 9 : 1 0 p m o n w a r d s since the S e c o n d s , T h i r d s and F i f t h s a n d L a d i e s are a l l p l a y i n g at h o m e . A n y o n e w h o ' s a m e m b e r o f the S q u a s h C l u b is w e l c o m e to c o m e a l o n g f o r a b i t o f b r e a d a n d cheese.

I FELIX

ISPORTI s h a l l at the o l d m i l l for l u n c h .

Rugby Seconds Symes scores hattrick in IC points landslide!

J o h n S y m e s , ace f u l l b a c k w i t h the I C 2 n d X V allstars s h a m b l e d over the t r y l i n e three times as G o l d s m i t h s were c r u s h e d 34-0 by a strong I C team. R u m o u r s that the p e r f o r m a n c e was i n s p i r e d by the w e a r i n g o f wet, smelly R C S shirts were v i g o r o u s ly d e n i e d , t h o u g h m a n y players o n the G o l d s m i t h s side r e c k o n e d it was due to the m y s t e r i o u s 'sixteenth p l a y e r ' w e a r i n g a red shirt. T h i s a p p a r i t i o n , they c l a i m , was seen to be t a c k l i n g players r o u n d the n e c k , j o i n i n g r u c k s o n the w r o n g side, s p o i l i n g possession a n d , worst of a l l , b l o w i n g his w h i s t le s t o p p i n g p l a y at v i t a l m o m e n t s . T o t a l l y d e m o l i s h e d by t h i s , they c o n c e n trated o n v e r b a l assaults o n the a f o r e m e n t i o n e d p l a y e r , w h i l e the I C t e a m got o n w i t h a n d w i n n i n g the game. T r i e s f r o m N o d d y , M i c k e y , H o w a r d and A N Other (whose n a m e I d i d n ' t get because m y p e n c i l b r o k e ) left G o l d s m i t h s reeling.

W i l l they use this p l o y again?

M i c k W i n s o r was not sober e n o u g h f o r c o m m e n t , b u t shouts of ' N o t a f — i n g chance, J o h n ' f r o m the referee's c h a n g i n g r o o m w o u l d seem to suggest ( c o n t . p 94).

Cycling Seven cyclists set o u t f r o m B e i t A r c h at 9 : 3 0 a m t o C l a p h a m J u n c t i o n w h e r e we met I a n L a c e y . W e c a u g h t a t r a i n to E p s o m to a v o i d the worst o f London's traffic, potholes, b r o k e n glass a n d red traffic lights. T h e g u a r d t o l d us to put o u r bikes i n a carriage as there w a s n ' t e n o u g h r o o m in the luggage c o m p a r t m e n t f o r h i m s e l f a n d the b i k e s .

W e r o d e t o C o b h a m a n d then f o l l o w e d a w i n d y lane. A f t e r a w h i l e R o n a n w a n t e d to l o o k at the m a p w h i l e still r i d i n g his f i x e d - w h e e l track b i k e . L i t t l e d i d he k n o w t h a t w e w e r e j u s t a p p r o a c h i n g a short, steep, m u d d y , w i n d i n g descent. T h e m a p still shows teeth m a r k s where he h e l d the m a p .

F u r t h e r o n we crossed a f o r d in Shere by the footbridge— except R o n a n , w h o r o d e t h r o u g h the f o r d . W e s t o p p e d i n G o m -

FELIXI

T w o m i l e s f u r t h e r o n we t u r n e d off the m a i n r o a d to c l i m b W h i t e D o w n s . T h e gentle protests o f the slight g r a d i e n t s u d d e n l y c h a n g e d , after t a k i n g the h a i r p i n , to a series o f gasps a n d g r o a n s as they c o u l d see the second h a l f of the h i l l . T h i s was the o n l y h i l l o f the d a y . W e went over R a n m o r e C o m m o n and f o u n d o u r way back to E p s o m t h r o u g h s o m e very n a r r o w lanes.

O n o u r way back f r o m C l a p h a m R o n a n c o n t i n u e d to entert a i n us by b a l a n c i n g o n his b i k e at red traffic lights. A s a finale at the j u n c t i o n o p p o s i t e the M a t h s D e p a r t m e n t , he fell off.

Football Fifths I C vs Q M C 5-4 O w i n g t o t h e i r i m m i n e n t late a r r i v a l I C c h a n g e d o n the c o a c h , l e a v i n g the shorts u n t i l a r r i v a l due t o t h e i r u n w i l l i n g n e s s t o reveal their n a u g h t y bits to the v i e w i n g p u b l i c . A r r i v i n g at the g r o u n d w i t h seconds t o spare I C d o n n e d the shorts a n d set o f f i n search o f a p i t c h . T h e m a t c h , s h o r t e n e d to t h i r t y m i n u t e s a half, f i n a l l y got u n d e r w a y . I C son fell one b e h i n d , b u t N i c k L o w t o n e q u a l i s e d f r o m the penalty spot. A t h a l f - t i m e I C were 2-1 u p due to a n o t h e r g o a l

by N i c k , w h o h a d f i n a l l y r e a l i s e d that to score a g o a l he h a d to put the little white b a l l between the large w h i t e posts.

W i t h five m i n u t e s o f the second half r e m a i n i n g Q M C were 4-2 u p , there was never a n y p r o b l e m s as I C u t i l i s e d t h e seconds r e m a i n i n g to score three times t h r o u g h D e s H u l l , M a r k Lenczoer and M a l c o l m D i c k , s e c u r i ng t h e i r t h i r d c o n s e c u t i v e victory.

T e a m : Tony, Paul, Phil, Tom, Mark, Adam, Malcolm, Rob, Mark L, Nick, Des.

Basketball I C vs Avery Hill 51-62 T h e season h a s n ' t started w e l l , but after a g o o d p e r f o r m a n c e against St M a r y s last week we were l o o k i n g f o r w a r d to a v i c t o r y against a weak A v e r y H i l l squad.

O b s e r v i n g the teams w h i l e w a r m i n g - u p , I C l o o k e d by f a r the better o f the t w o , but we still lost! N O excuse c a n be made this t i m e , it was a n absolute s h a m b l e s . It i s n ' t p o s s i b l e t o s a y

A N Y T H I N G to the credit o f IC's play.

T h e m a i n p r o b l e m was, as usual, a lack of team coo r d i n a t i o n . B u t is this s u r p r i s i n g w h e n n o - o n e l i s t e n s to the coaching?

T e a m : Brian, Nick, George, Alan, Andy, Ian, Ken and Frank.

F e n w i c k p u t o n the jet p a c k s t o [ finish 26th, a big improvement f o r h i m . T h e r e were r u m o u r s o f drugs being used but N i g e l d i s p e l l e d these w i t h a q u i c k slash f r o m his spikes. M a n d y T i n d a l l a g a i n f i n i s h e d t h i r d i n the ladies race b u t we c o u l d d o w i t h m o r e .ladies. P h i l P a r r - B u r m a n t w i s t e d his a n k l e w h i l e r u n n i n g so get well s o o n P h i l .

Cross Country N i n e member s o f the c i u b made the t r i p to R e a d i n g f o r the W h i t e n i g h t s ' s R e l a y s w i t h the first o b j e c t i v e o f f i n d i n g the course. W e e v e n t u a l l y a r r i v e d after a scenic t o u r o f R e a d i n g a n d began the serious business o f p i c k i n g teams.

P i c k i n g the ladies t e a m was easy, we d i d n ' t have a n y ladies , but H u g h D i x o n m a n a g e d to organise three spare ladies to r u n f o r I C . T h e c l u b h a d entered t h r e e m e n s t e a m s s o it w a s d e c i d e d that three men w o u l d have to r u n twice to m a k e u p the f o u r m e n t e a m s , the l u c k y v o l u n t e e r s were s u i t a b l y ren a m e d for their second legs.

S o to the race, T a s s o A s t e r iades r a n a fast first leg for the A t e a m , h a n d i n g over to H u g h D i x o n in about 13th. H u g h h a n d e d over to A n d r e w G r i f f i t h s w h o r a n w e l l w i t h the t e a m n o w about tenth. Rob M o r r i s o n , after several w r o n g t u r n s due to the fog, b r o u g h t the A t e a m i n .

T h e B t e a m was l e d o f f b y G r a h a m H a r k e r who handed o v e r t o Steve T a y l o r w h o then p a s s e d o n to J o n L e a . J o n , r u n n i n g w e l l c o n s i d e r i n g his recent i n j u r y , h a n d e d over to H u g h D i x o n r u n n i n g his second leg. . T h e C team was led o f f by . ' o n F r o s t ( C a p t ) w h o h a n d e d o n to K e l v i n A c f o r d . Tasso Asteriades on his second leg t o o k over a n d the t e a m was m a d e uo by A n d r e w G r i f f i t h s wh - ran a n o t h e r q u i c k leg.

W e d n e s d a y the 2 4 t h we went to T h a m e s P o l y for the t h i r d race to see i f we c o u l d keep it u p .

M i s s i n g some key r u n n e r s (they k n o w w h o they are) the less talented athletes h a d to excel themselves f o r us t o s t a n d a n y chance of m a i n t a i n i n g our p o s i t i o n i n the league. T h e course at T h a m e s P o l y is classic cross c o u n t r y : h i l l y w i t h lots o f s t i c k y , s m e l l y m u d , a n d the weather was s u p e r b : c o l d a n d w i n d y . O n l y the t o r r e n t i a l r a i n was m i s s i n g to m a k e this the perfect d a y out.

Hugh D i x o n (aka H Bomme) o n l y m a n a g e d to c o m e s i x t h .

H a r d luck H u g h . But Nigel

O t h e r s s t u p i d e n o u g h to attend ( i n d e s c e n d i n g I Q ) were: Robert Morrison, Steve Taylor, Jon Frost (loyal Capt), Tim Scott, Graham Harker, Martin Brown, John Griffin.

Ladies Rugby D o e s I C have a n y aggressive, f u n - l o v i n g , fit o r unfit females w h o are p r e p a r e d to have a go at r u g b y ? N o p r e v i o u s experience is r e q u i r e d , just e n t h u s i a s m a n d a death w i s h ! T h i s is y o u r c h a n c e to beat the m e n at t h e i r o w n game. If interested contact M a r a b e l l a , S e l k i r k o r meet 12:30 Beit Q u a d , T h u r s d a y l u n c h t i m e . ( M e n need not a p p l y . ) P S : If r u g b y is a game p l a y e d by m e n w i t h o d d s h a p e d b a l l s — what d o w o m e n p l a y with?

^

Hockey Ladies IC vs Middlesex 5-0

Dear M u m T h a n k y o u for y o u r last letter.

G l a d t o hear that t h i n g s are fine at h o m e . Y o u w i l l be pleased to hear that m y ladies h o c k e y t e a m are d o i n g very w e l l this season h a v i n g w o n five out o f seven league games. D e s p i t e i n j u r y p r o b l e m s to s o m e key p l a y e r s (too m u c h sport was it K a r e n ? ) we've been t u r n i n g o u t s o m e g o o d teams.

In o u r last g a m e the f o r w a r d s really 'got it t o g e t h e r ' a n d s c o r e d a few goals (they missed a lot m o r e ) I t h i n k they m u s t have been p r a c t i s i n g so that I w o u l d n ' t m o a n at t h e m so m u c h .

Love Sara

Physics Wanderers Football Competition N e x t t e r m we h o p e t o h o l d a cup

competition

at

Regent's

P a r k . E n t r y fee £11 per t e a m .

If interested then get i n t o u c h with

N

Buckley or D

Warner

b o t h P h y s i c s 3.

I December 3, 1 9 8 2 H H H H H H H M I • • I H H I B n P a g e 13

Queen's Arms

1300h

IC Ents v FELIX football match of the season.

-A strong FELIX side will demolish IC Ents.

D M r n t Feet above Hampshire Martin S Taylor jumps from an aeroplane.

2

0

0

0

-What some people will do to avoid playing football.

More House

1800h The Planets. Admission £1 (75p for students).

Today

-Has conductor Richard Dickins' ambition overreached the abilities of the orchestra?

Spies say no, so be there

1230h J C R IC North America Club meeting

Beit Arch

Friday Night Meal with a talk

by Peter Grunberger on the Lebanon. Bring about £1 of kosher, vegetarian or dairy food.

1800h

301m/999kHz Gallery Levels

Network Show Pete Skelley celebrates his last six hours at IC on the radio.

-/ would have thought more people could have thought of better ways of celebrating their departure from IC. 1 Q n n U

lOUUn

Music Room 53 Princes Gate

Christian Union coffee meeting.

1900h

Union Upper Lounge

Mexican Christmas Party with IC Latin American Society. 30p admission to members, 50p non-members.

1930h

ULU Building

Wah! It's Immaterial and Black play a U L U gig. Admission £2.75 in advance or £3.25 on the door.

-Following the success of Wah's recent single,History of the Blues, this is certain to be very popular,so check that all the tickets are not all sold before making the trip to ULU.

2000h

Great Hall

IC Symphony Orchestra play Mozart's The Overture to the Magic Flute, Weber's Clarinet Concerto No 1 and Hoist's

Pagel4l

UGM Is Steve Goulder a Dhimmi? What is Dhimmi? Who cares? All these questions and more will be explained.

Civ Eng 201

1300h

The Cyprus Problem a talk to the Cypriot Society by the cultural counsellor of the Cypriot Embassy.

TV Lounges

1300h STOIC programme

Monday

2230h Falmouth Kitchens Soup Run

1230h J C R Angling Club meeting 1255h Union Concert Hall Islamic Society Friday Prayers

1745h

Liberation Theology a film on this subject will be shown after Catholic mass and a bar supper

Great Hall

1300h

Saturday j .

1 4 0 0 l l n

n

Portsmouth Bowl

Ten Pin Bowling IC against Portsmouth Polytechnic.

1400h

Mech Eng 313

HP Programmable Calculators A meeting of the HP calculator users' club. Admission £ 1 .

-Hardly an event of the week and certainly not designed to bring the crowds flocking in Harry's Bar

1800h

RCS Motor Club Dinner at the Knightsbridge Spaghetti House Restaurant.

Union Building

2000h

Disco 82 an Afro-Caribbean Society party. Admission £1 for non-members or 50p for members.

1230h Rag Office Community Action Group meeting.

1230h CND Bookstall.

Union SCR

1815h

RCSU General Committee meeting.

Physics LT2

1830h

History of Photographic Lenses A lecture by Dr Speer.

1930h J C R Advanced Dancing Class 1930h Lower Refectory PDT Medal Class Elec Eng 408

1930h

Robotics A talk to Wellsoc by Mike Sharp, a leading authority on the subject.

A

„

N

N

.

301m/999kHz

Gallery Levels

The Pressed Rat and Warthog Show presented by Ady Pace.

0915h Consort Gallery Prayer Meeting

Tuesday

1000h Consort Gallery Communion Service

1230h Southside Upper Lounge Board Sailing Club meeting

1100h More House Catholic Mass

1200h

'Wizards', Tuesday

1745h Great Hall Wind Band rehearsal.

Z Z U U r l

Sunday

JCR

Union Bar

RCSU Soccer 6-a-side competition. Coaches will take teams to Harlington.

1300h Union S C R Wargames Club meeting.

1245h Chemistry 231 Catholic Mass

the Sci Fi film on Elec Eng 408

1300h

Success Runs, Markov Chains and Strengths of Fibrous Materials (Statistical Theories of Strength) A talk to M O P S O C

by Dr Richard Smith.

J A J

C

Mech Eng

| _

220

loion

The Lebanon: A talk by Oxfam workers Pam and Derek Cooper.

Physics LT1

1330h

Lines to Freedom An Amnesty International film.

-Amnesty have hit the headlines recently because of leadership squabbles, but the work they do is still an invaluable part of the fight for justice.

Don't miss this film which will show just how important this work is. j / j n n L lOOUn

Pippard Theatre Sherfield Building

The Rise of Thermodynamics, 1800-1860 A talk by Dr Robert Fox, as part of 'Three Revolutions in Science'.

•4Af\f\i~.

l4UUn

Alexander Gate Hyde Park

A n t i - D h i m m i Rally

1245h

Chem Eng LT2

This House believes that UN Peacekeeping Forces play a Constructive Role: A United Nations Society debate.

I December 3, 19821

-Will the meaning behind this continuing campaign be at last revealed?

1730h Brown Committee Room Amnesty International meeting.

•

M

FELIX

1730h V o l l e y b a l l C o u r t Women's Volleyball t r a i n i n g session.

1800h U n i o n S C R Italian Wine Tasting A d m i s s i o n £1 t o m e m b e r s .

Mech Eng 342

1800h

Revolution and CounterRevolution in Iran A talk t o the Iranian S o c i e t y by Fred Halliday.

TV Lounges

1800h STOIC p r o g r a m m e

1830h

Mech Eng 220

1315h 9 P r i n c e ' s G a r d e n s Quran Circle 1430h U n i o n U p p e r L o u n g e Drama Workshop 1830h J C R Bronze Medal Dancing Class

1930h

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead b y T o m S t o p p a r d . • A d m i s s i o n £1.

-One of Tom Stoppard's finest plays, every entrance in the play is an exit from 'Hamlet'.

Bizarre wordplay abounds.

1930h J C R Beginner's Dancing Class

The Wizards A S c i e n c e F i c t i o n S o c i e t y film s h o w .

Thursday

-This fantasy depicts the world after the nuclear holocaust.

1830h U n i o n G y m Judo Club p r a c t i c e . B r i n g 2 5 p fees.

1830h J C R Silver Medal Dancing Class 2230h F a l m o u t h Soup Run

Kitchens

Union C o n c e r t Hall

1230h

JCR

Dhimmi Revelation T h u r s d a y 1230h

1230h

M

3 o 3 n

e

Ruritania m e e t i n g t o d i s c u s s the possibility for S c o u t a n d G u i d e s C l u b next s u m m e r meeting.

1230h S o u t h s i d e U p p e r L o u n g e ICYHA B u t t i e s m e e t i n g

1300h

Physics LT1

Talk and Film a b o u t P a l e s t i n ian R e f u g e e c a m p s . O r g a n i s e d by ' F r i e n d s of P a l e s t i n e ' .

Ents film on Thursday is''Altered States'

0800h

Beit Arch

Visit to IMI o r g a n i s e d b y t h e Industrial Society. Details from C D a y , M e c h E n g 2.

AM

Mech Eng Foyer

Trip to Allied Steel and Wire organised by M e c h E n g S o c .

1230h

Chem Eng E400

Is Britain a Christian Society?

A talk t o t h e M e t h o d i s t S o c i e t y .

1300h

Huxley 340

Faith and Reason: Competitors or Partners? a talk b y D r O R Barclay to the S C F .

FELIX

• H H H N H H H

Union Lower Refectory

El Salvador—Another Vietnam A film f o r H u m a n R i g h t s W e e k .

W e d n e s d a y 1300K

TV Lounges

Newsbreak: A S T O I C p r o gramme.

1315h

Huxley 340

Lebanon/Palestine—What Now? A talk b y K h a l e d J i m a .

J

A

A

A

U

l O o U n

1700h

Biochemistry 702

Neurotransmitters and Glucocorticords in the Control of ACTH Secretion A talk t o t h e B i o c h e m i c a l Society by Dr Brian Gillham.

-Could Biochemical Society at least try and arrange lectures that are interesting to undergraduates as well as postgrads?

1300h G r e e n C o m m R m SF Soc m e e t i n g

1300h

JON I, The Christian Union film next Friday, deals with the problems of handicapped people.

Read Theatre Sherfield Building

In or Out? Britain and the E C C T h e C a s e against British Partic i p a t i o n ' a talk b y E m e r i t u s Professor Lord Kaldor.

-Can the Humanities Dept not improve on this series where unimportant speakers talk on a boring, much repeated subject.

Could we not at least have an MP as part of the series? The political societies have shown how easy it is to get hold of MPs.

1800h

1930h

Rosencrantz and Guldenstern are Dead. A D r a m s o c p r o d u c tion.

2030h

Next Week

STOIC p r o g r a m m e .

T h u r s d a y 1830h Mech Eng 220

i

1830h

1930h

JCR

RCSU Christmas Party £1.50 a d m i s s i o n o r £1 if w e a r i n g fancy dress.

I December 3 , 19821

Southside Bar

Gig: Chris Pearson Band

TV Lounges

Ents film Altered States starring William Hurt a n d Blair Brown a n d directed by K e n Russell.

-In recent years, Altered States of consciousness have been recognised and their reality probed. Among the most provocative experiments is immersion in a tank of warm salt water, and floating in total isolation. With each new experiment and discovery comes a mounting awareness of the wonder yet to be found within ourselves.

Union C o n c e r t Hall

Fri

1800h Music Room 53 P r i n c e s G a t e

JONI A C h r i s t i a n U n i o n f i l m -A tragic diving accident leaves Joni, an extrovert seventeen year old, paralysed. This film captures the real story of how Joni comes to terms with her new life. It is a moving story and a very good film. Come alng and see it for yourself.

1930h

Fri/Sat Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead A D r a m s o c p r o d u c tion.

2000h Great Hall

Fri

The Canterbury Pilgrims. A n I C Choir Production.

IPagel5

I thought that salads were for dieters and rabbits until I discovered the chefs salad at £3.25. C o n t a i n i n g e v e r y s a l a d i n g r e d i e n t imaginable it probably gives more calories than some of the puddings. A n d speaking of which, prices for puddings range from 75p to £1.55.

P r o ' i ; 'oles smothered with fresh cream for £1 and i M , na split for £1.55 are well worth

sampling.

C a f e I n c o g n i t o is r a r e l y c r o w d e d a n d provides a venue as conclusive to an intimate evening out for two as it is suitable for a pre pub-crawl nosh up.

F o r a three course meal, you can expect to pay about £5 a head, excluding wine.

Cafe Incognito, 38 Thurloe Place, SW7, 589-3663.

D o w n Exhibition R o a d , first turning on the right after C r o m w e l l R o a d brings you to one of the best, r e a s o n a b l y p r i c e d r e s t a u r a n t s around. A s the name suggests there is a F r e n c h flavour about the place, but b e y o n d the g r e e n l o u v r e s , t h e f l a v o u r is d i l u t e d , emphatically not something that can be said about the food.

F a n c y starters like stuffed m u s h r o o m s abound; a cheaper but wholly satisfactory alternative is the slightly herby garlic bread at 45p a go.

If you like burgers, their burgers range from £2.10 to £3.00 with chips or salad, but since e v e r y o n e does b u r g e r s , why not try a gargantuan plate of barbecue spare ribs for £2.95 or honey fried c h i c k e n at the same price?

A very reasonable chilli c o n c a m e is also o n the menu.

PINCCCHI Superkings

- 1

I came across T i m and M a r y in the maths c o m m o n r o o m the other day, playing chess.

K n o w i n g each others moves b a c k w a r d s , they were becoming a little bo r ed with the standard game, and so decided to change it, by giving the king new powers; it could now move like both a queen and a knight (for those of you not knowing the game, these moves are shown in the diagram). S o o n an argument developed as to how many of these superkings one c o u ld place o n a chess b o a r d , without any being able to take another. Having solved this problem, they then attempted to place these superkings so that no three are collinear (this includes lines other than rows, columns or diagonals).

A s an example, the third diagram shows the only way to put 4 superkings on a 5x5 board.

X

Last Weeks Solution L a s t w e e k ' s p u z z l e c u t the e n t r i e s d o w n considerably; only thirteen correct entries, and G r a e m e R C a n t of M E 1 was chosen as the winner.

T h e solution was: Andy — Woodwind B r i a n — Brass C h r i s — Percussion D o m i n i c — String and the order of pieces was 1, 4, 6, 5, 3, 2, 7 in descending order.

X

X

X

X

X X

A Knight's moves; all pieces on the can be taken.

crosses

HP Blip

C a n you help them answer this question; how many non-collinear superkings can you put o n a c h e s s b o a r d (please give an example)?

Solutions, comments, criticisms to me at the FELIX Office by Wednesday, 1:00pm. £5 from MendaBike for a randomly selected entry.

This week's puzzle is a little easy, but is merely a 'taster' for one of the C h r i s t m a s puzzles, w h i c h will be m u c h more difficult. A l s o c o u ld the person who sent me the 'Rope from . the Belfry' puzzle please send me his name a n d / o r p s e u d o n y m . H a s anyone else ideas for puzzles for C h r i s t m a s ?

A Queen's moves; all pieces on any of (infinite) lines shown can be taken.

v 11

the Four Superkings

on a 5x5

board.

FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board; and is printed by the Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Tel. (11-589 5111 Ext 1048 or Internal 2881. Editor: Martin S Taylor; Business Manager: Peter A Rodgers; Advertising Manage:: Nick Thexton.

Copyright FELIX 1982.

C NE

EXE AGENDA

UGM TUE 7th GREAT HALL 1 m

1. M i n u t e s o f t h e last m e e t i n g .

2. M a t t e r s a r i s i n g .

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

Presidents report.

D e p u t y Presidents report.

H o n o r a r y Secretary's report.

R e t u r n i n g officers r e p o r t .

Constituent College U n i o n reports.

O t h e r officers r e p o r t .

Bye L a w Changes.

10.

Motions a) o n t o i l e t p a p e r b) o n N U S c) o n S t e p h e n G o u l d e r d) o n S o u t h A f r i c a .

11. A n y o t h e r b u s i n e s s .

Presidents R e p o r t T o I C U

G r a v e l at H a r l i n g t o n C o l l e g e h a s been a w a r e f o r s e v e r a l years that there have been s i g n i f i c a n t d e p o s i t s o f g r a v e l at H a r l i n g t o n . I n fact g r a v e l is b e i n g e x t r a c t e d f r o m a site adjacent to t h e C o l l e g e s p o r t s f i e l d b y Streeters. T h e e s t i m a t e d r o y a l t y t h a t I C c o u l d expect t o e a r n is e s t i m a t e d at £1.1 m. H o w e v e r , w e have been u n a b l e to c o n f i r m this f i g u r e because we c o u l d n o t p l a c e t h e m o r e d e t a i l e d facts b e f o r e o u r p r o f e s s i o n a l a d v i s e r . W e have a t t e m p t e d t o e s t a b l i s h c e r t a i n precedents c o n c e r n i n g the p u r c h a s e o f H a r l i n g t o n that m e a n t h a t a n y m o n i e s r a i s e d s h o u l d be p u t t o w a r d s s t u d e n t a t h l e t i c f a c i l i t i e s .

It is i m p o r t a n t t h a t t h e U n i o n m o n i t o r s this b e c a u s e e x t r a c t i o n w o u l d • s e r i o u s l y affect t h e s p a c e a v a i l a b l e f o r s p o r t s at H a r l i n g t o n .

I t h e r e f o r e ask t h i s m e e t i n g t o a p p r o v e m y p r o p o s a l t h a t o u r s u p p o r t f o r this s c h e m e w i l l be c o n d i t i o n e d o n the p r o v i s i o n o f at least t h i r t y acres o f H a r l i n g t o n b e i n g p l a y a b l e at a n y o n e t i m e . I n a d d i t i o n we s h o u l d be f u l l y i n v o l v e d i n t h e d e c i s i o n m a k i n g p r o c e s s a n d s u p p l i e d w i t h a l l t h e necessary information.

Bars F o l l o w i n g the m o t i o n w h i c h w a s p a s s e d at t h e last U G M I i n f o r m e d B o b S c h r o t e r o f m y m a n d a t e a n d m y i n t e n t i o n t o j o l l y it u p . H e t h e n s p o k e to J o h n S m i t h a n d B r i a n L l o y d D a v i e s , a n d w r o t e b a c k w i t h a set o f p r o p o s a l s that C o u n c i l o v e r w h e l m i n g l y accepted a n d that C o u n c i l r e c o m m e n d s

to the

UGM. T h e p r o p o s a l s a r e as f o l l o w s : 1. T h a t B a r s S u b c o m m i t t e e h a s access t o t h e i n d i v i d u a l t r a d i n g a c c o u n t s g i v e n that these a r e t r e a t e d i n c o n f i d e n c e a n d a r e n o t p u b l i c i s e d o u t s i d e t h e committee.

A n y breach

i n confidence

WS

will

result i n these

figures

being

withdrawn.

2. B o b S c h r o t e r c o n f i r m e d t h a t t h e B a r S u b c o m m i t t e e C h a i r m a n w i l l c o n t i n u e t o n o r m a l l y be a n I C U n o m i n a t i o n a p p o i n t e d b y t h e R e f e c t o r y Committee Chairman.

3. W i t h reference t o t h e T e r m s o f R e f e r e n c e , B o b S c h r o t e r s t a n d s b y t h e R e f e c t o r y C o m m i t t e e t e r m s o f reference a n d states t h a t they h a v e been k n o w n to a l l p r e c e d i n g B a r S u b c o m i t t e e c h a i r m e n .

O n behalf o f C o u n c i l I r e c o m m e n d acceptance.

Residence S t u d e n t S e r v i c e s have p r o p o s e d a s c h e m e t h a t w i l l assure a l l first years o f a place i n H a l l a n d will p r i o r a t i z e postgraduates i n the f o l l o w i n g w a y : 1. h i g h fee p a y i n g overseas s t u d e n t s 2. o t h e r o v e r s e a s s t u d e n t s 3. d e p a r t m e n t a l r e c o m m e n d a t i o n s 4. w o m e n o n M S c c o u r s e s 5. m e n o n M S c c o u r s e s 6. w o m e n i n research c o u r s e s 7. m e n i n research c o u r s e s this d e p e n d s o n the f u l l usage o f I n t e r c o l l e g i a t e H a l l s a n d the m a i n t e n a n c e o f o u r H e a d T e n a n c y agreements.

I a m i n the process o f s e l e c t i n g a p p l i c a n t s f o r i n t e r v i e w c o n c e r n i n g the post o f W e l f a r e A s s i s t a n t at S t u d e n t S e r v i c e s .

DP 1. F o l l o w i n g a spate o f thefts f r o m t h e U n i o n G y m a n d c h a n g i n g r o o m s the d o o r at t h e b a c k o f t h e m e n s c h a n g i n g r o o m s h a s b e e n l o c k e d ; u n f o r t u n a t e l y i t h a s n o t b e e n p o s s i b l e t o d o t h i s i n the ladies as it is a fire exit.

S i n c e t h e s m a l l l o c k e r s f o r v a l u a b l e s have n o t been sufficient t h e large c o i n r e t u r n l o c k e r s are n o w b e i n g r e s t o r e d — 2 0 are n o w o p e r a t i o n a l a n d the o t h e r 28 w i l l be c o m p l e t e d b e f o r e t h e e n d o f t e r m . I a m l o o k i n g i n t o i n s t a l l i n g l o c k e r s i n t h e l a d i e s c h a n g i n g r o o m s as w e l l .

2. T h e U n i o n B u i l d i n g is t o be e x t e n s i v e l y r e d e c o r a t e d this y e a r w i t h t h e c e n t r a l s t a i r c a s e b e i n g t o t a l l y r e p a i n t e d a n d the S e n i o r C o m m o n R o o m b e i n g r e d e c o r a t e d a n d t o t a l l y r e f u r n i s h e d . T h e U p p e r L o u n g e s h o u l d a l s o be i n c o r p o r a t e d i n this s c h e m e .

T h i s is p a r t o f a n e w p o l i c y t o r e d e c o r a t e t h e w h o l e U n i o n B u i l d i n g o v e r t h i s a n d n ext y e a r w h i c h I h o p e to see c a r r i e d o n , w o r k i n g u p f r o m the g r o u n d floor.

E s t i m a t e s have been o b t a i n e d a n d I e n v i s a g e w o r k to start i m m e d i a t e l y af te r C h r i s t m a s a n d the w h o l e o f t h i s y e a r s p a r t o f the p r o j e c t t o b e f i n i s h e d by the second

week i n F e b r u a r y .

3. I h a v e t i d i e d u p t h e W e s t S t a i r c a s e as m u c h as is p o s s i b l e a n d w o u l d a p p r e c i a t e it i f a l l t h o s e c l u b s w h o s w e e p a l l t h e i r r u b b i s h o u t o f the G y m o n t o t h e W e s t S t a i r c a s e s t o p p e d . I n f u t u r e I w i l l h a v e r u b b i s h bags t h e r e , so please use t h e m .

4. T h e results o f the H o u s e C o m m i t t e e q u e s t i o n n a i r e s w h i c h r equ es ted i n f o r m a t i o n f r o m a l l c l u b s a n d societies as to w h a t f a c i l i t i e s t h e y needed i n a d d i t i o n to those already p r o v i d e d have been collated a n d four new c u p b o a r d s h a v e been o r d e r e d t o h e l p c o p e w i t h t h e large d e m a n d f o r c u p b o a r d s t o r a g e space. I h a v e a l s o a s k e d a b o u t t h e p o s s i b i l i t y o f p u t t i n g three a d d i t i o n a l n o t i c e b o a r d s i n t h e J C R a n d h o p e f o r a p o s i t i v e response f r o m C o l l e g e i n t h e n e a r f u t u r e , as d e m a n d f o r n o t i c e b o a r d s i n this a r e a is heavy.

5. F o r those w h o are not a w a r e , the k i t c h e n a r e a b e h i n d the o l d r e f e c t o r y is b e i n g c o n v e r t e d i n t o storage f a c i l i t i e s f o r E n t s w h o w i l l be b a s e d there. T h e refectory

will

then

be u s e d

for various discos,

etc. T h i s w o r k

is a l m o s t

c o m p l e t e a n d t h i s a r e a s h o u l d be f u l l y o p e r a t i o n a l b y t h e b e g i n n i n g o f next term.

6. T h e l o c k o n the c l e a n i n g c u p b o a r d has been c h a n g e d a n d a n e w stock o f mops, buckets a n d b r o o m s obtained t o enable us t o provide adequate f a c i l i t i e s t o c l e a n u p af te r l a r g e f u n c t i o n s w i t h o u t a s h o r t f a l l i n e q u i p m e n t . In f u t u r e it w i l l be n e c e s s a ry t o o b t a i n a k e y i n a d v a n c e f r o m me f o r a d e p o s i t i f c l e a n i n g m a t e r i a l s a r e r e q u i r e d after a n y event.

Hon S e e ' s R e p o r t Y o u w i l l p r o b a b l y h a v e n o t i c e d t h a t Exec News is n o w i n the s a m e t y p e f a c e as the rest o f F E L I X . T h i s s h o u l d m a k e r e a d i n g it m u c h easier i n f u t u r e . M y t h a n k s g o t o M a r t i n S T a y l o r a n d M a z , o n l y t h e i r c o o p e r a t i o n has m a d e this c h a n g e p o s s i b l e . H o w e v e r as a r e s u lt o f this n e w s y s t e m i f y o u w a n t to s u b m i t a m o t i o n , as a n y o n e c a n , t o be p r i n t e d i n Exec News, t h e n I m u s t receive it at least t w o F r i d a y s b e f o r e the next U G M . M o t i o n s w i l l s t i l l be a c c e p t e d u p t o a w e e k b e f o r e t h e U G M a n d w i l l be p r i n t e d s e p a r a t e l y .

T h e next U G M is o n T u e s d a y D e c e m b e r 7 w i t h w h a t l o o k s l i k e a very i n t e r e s t i n g m o t i o n o n t o i l e t p a p e r a n d t h e latest i n t h e N U S d e b a t e . I h o p e y o u ' l l be a b l e t o a t t e n d .

I f a P u b l i c i t y O f f i c e r h a s n o t c o m e f o r w a r d b y this U G M a n d a n y b o d y is at a l l i n t e r e s t e d i n the j o b please c o m e a n d ask m e a b o u t i t , I ' l l be v e r y h a p p y to see

you.

W i l l a n y o n e w h o is a c l u b c a p t a i n o r a c h a i r m a n please m a k e sure t h a t , i f

Southside T h e S o u t h s i d e W o r k i n g P a r t y m e t M r D W C l a r k , the E s t a t e s S e c r e t a r y , o n

y o u r c l u b has a n y e q u i p m e n t , a n i n v e n t o r y is d o n e as s o o n as p o s s i b l e . T h e s e

N o v e m b e r 25 a n d d i s c u s s e d the r e v i s e d p l a n f o r e x t e n s i v e use o f S o u t h s i d e as

w e r e n e e d e d o n N o v e m b e r 1 a n d i t m a y b e t h a t s o m e o f y o u r e q u i p m e n t is n o t

a U n i o n f a c i l i t y . T h i s m a t t e r is t o be d i s c u s s e d w i t h J H S m i t h , t h e C o l l e g e

insured.

S e c r e t a r y ( H e a d o f C o l l e g e A d m i n ) a n d t h e n S W P w i l l f o r m u l a t e a set o f recommendations

t o be t a k e n t o a U G M

F i n a l l y , a l i m i t e d offer: w e h a v e l a r g e A 4 p l a s t i c c o v e r e d files i n r e d , blue and

b l a c k at o n l y 8 0 p each w h i c h I w o u l d l i k e t o sell as s o o n as p o s s i b l e .

Bye L a w Changes Deletion of U L U Representative: Second Reading P r o p o s e d by E x t e r n a l A f f a i r s C o m m i t t e e D e l e t e f r o m the I C U B y e L a w s ( w i t h effect f r o m 1 J u l y 1983) i n 4 (a) ( O b s e r v e r s o n C o u n c i l ) , "ULU

Representative"

M o t i o n for U G M 7 / 1 2 / 8 2 Proposed J Gerson Seconded L Gergel I C U Notes: 1. A n g i e is d r e a m i n g o f a w h i t e d h i m m i .

2. J o h n B a r n e t , J o h n B a r n e t t , J o n B a r n e t a n d J o n B a r n e t t are a l l d h i m m i s .

3. V e r y few p e o p l e k n o w w h a t a d h i m m i is.

i n 5 (b) ( E l e c t i o n s )

I C U Believes: 1. S t e p h e n G o u l d e r m a y a l s o be a d h i m m i .

"the U L U Representative" Permanent W o r k i n g Party P r o p o s e d by C o u n c i l 4(a) D e l e t e " s i x r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s

Permanent W o r k i n g Party"

I C U Instructs T h a t : 1. A t h o r o u g h i n v e s t i g a t i o n be

made.

3 Insert " C h a i r m a n o f the I n t e r n a l S e r v i c e s C o m m i t t e e " D e p Reps

M o t i o n on T o i l e t P a p e r Proposed by C o u n c i l

Proposed: G e d O'Shea Seconded: C h r i s Stone

4(a) D e l e t e f r o m : " O n e r e p r e s e n t a t i v e e a c h f r o m : the D e p a r t m e n t o f . . . " to " . . .

Management S c i . "

ICU

Notes:

1. T n e q u a l i t y o f the p a p e r i n m e n s t o i l e t s a r o u n d C o l l e g e is p o o r , b e i n g o f the ' h a r d ' v a r i e t y .

M o t i o n for U G M 7 / 1 2 / 8 2 Proposer: Philip N a t h a n (IC Liberal C l u b ) Seconder: J o n a t h a n M M i l l e r I C U Notes: 1. T h e r e are m o r e t h a n 800 s t u d e n t u n i o n s a f f i l i a t e d to the N a t i o n a l U n i o n of Students, a n d more than l m student members o f N U S .

2. T h e N U S c a m p a i g n s o n g r a n t s , s t u d e n t l o a n s , h o u s i n g , p a r e n t a l c o n t r i b u t i o n s a n d m a n y o t h e r m a t t e r s w h i c h a l l p r o f o u n d l y affect I m p e r i a l College Students.

3. I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n is n o t a f f i l i a t e d t o N U S , h a s n o s a y i n N U S p o l i c i e s a n d receives benefits f r o m N U S w i t h o u t c o n t r i b u t i o n s .

I C U Believes: 1. I n the face o f the present c u t b a c k s i n h i g h e r e d u c a t i o n there has n e v e r been a g r e a t e r n e e d f o r s t u d e n t u n i t y .

2. T h e o n l y p r a c t i c a l w a y to c h a n g e N U S is b y b e c o m i n g p a r t o f it a n d m a k i n g o u r voices heard.

3. T h a t five years after its d i s s a f f i l i a t i o n f r o m N U S , it is t i m e f o r I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n t o t h i n k a g a i n . It is t i m e f o r a f u l l a n d d e m o c r a t i c d e b a t e o n arguments for a n d against N U S m e m b e r s h i p i n v o l v i n g all members of I C U .

I C U Instructs: 1. T h e U n i o n E x e c u t i v e to m a k e p r e p a r a t i o n s f o r the r e q u i r e d r e f e r e n d u m o n N U S m e m b e r s h i p w h i c h s h o u l d be h e l d next C o l l e g e t e r m .

2. T h e q u a l i t y i n the w o m e n s to i l e t s is c o n s i d e r a b l y b e t t e r , b e i n g ot the 'soft' variety.

ICU

Believes:

1. T h a t p a p e r o f the ' h a r d ' v a r i e t y is ^ c o n s i s t e n t ICU

1. T h e E x e c to c a m p a i g n a c t i v e l y f o r the w i d e s p r e a d i n t r o d u c t i o n o f ' s o f t ' v a r i e t y p a p e r (as f o u n d i n w o m e n s t o i l e t s ) i n t o m e n s to i l e t s a r o u n d C o l l e g e .

2. If this c a m p a i g n f a i l s , that S t e p h e n G o u l d e r s h o u l d a r r a n g e f o r a b o y c o t t o f C o l l e g e p a p e r a n d p r o v i d e a n a l t e r n a t i v e p a p e r ( p r o v i d e d t h a t the p u r c h a s e o f s u c h p a p e r is n o t ' u l t r a v i r e s ' the c o n s t i t u t i o n ) .

Another M o t i o n Proposer: M

Mallick

Seconder: P Riley I C U Notes: 1. T h a t t h i s w e e k , D e c e m b e r 6-10, is H u m a n R i g h t s W e e k .

2. T h e S o u t h A f r i c a n g o v e r n m e n t o p e r a t e s i n d i r e c t v i o l a t i o n o f the U n i t e d Nations Declaration on H u m a n Rights.

I C U Instructs: 1. I C U c o n d e m n s t h e a p a r t h e i d s y s t e m i n S o u t h A f r i c a w h i c h d o e s n o t r e c o g n i s e the n e e d f o r e q u a l r i g h t s f o r e v e r y i n d i v i d u a l l i v i n g there.

Promotion

MERRY

w i t h s t u d e n t life.

Instructs:

DOWN

<^

CIDER

BOTTLED & BOXED AA

THURSDAY 9 DEC