http://www.felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1986/1986_0732_A

Southside Security Improvements New security measures will be installed in Southside following a campaign by Ian Howgate, a concerned student.

The Students Residence C o m m i t t e e , the C o l l e g e C o m m i t t e e that c o n t r o l s r e s i d e n c e s , has d e c i d e d that s e c u r i t y l o d g e s will be built at the E a s t a n d W e s t e n t r a n c e s to S o u t h s i d e . O n e e n t r a n c e will be m a n n e d by a m e s s e n g e r d u r i n g the day a n d both will be m a n n e d after 1 0 p m . M a g n e t i c l o c k s will be i n t r o d u c e d a n d l o c k a b l e post b o x e s will be installed.

T i z a r d H a l l C o m m i t t e e have asked Dr Henry H u t c h i n s o n , w a r d e n of T i z a r d H a l l , to r e c o m m e n d to the C h i e f S e c u r i t y O f f i c e r , that b e d r o o m l o o k s are r e p l a c e d a n d extra Security personel employed.

Mr Howgate commented 'As far as I'm c o n c e r n e d the p r o p o s a l s are g o o d p r o p o s a l s , but they must go the w h o l e way'.

He estimates that the c o s t of m a n n i n g both d o o r s t h r o u g h o u t the day will be sixtyfive p e n c e per week per p e r s o n in r e s i d e n c e in P r i n c e s s G a r d e n * .

IC U n i o n P r e s i d e n t C a r l B u r g e s s told F E L I X that he

Ian Howgate t h o u g h t the p r o p o s a l s wer e g o o d . H e s a i d t h o u g h that s e c u r i t y c o u l d be i m p r o v e d if t h e guards c h e c k e d the U n i o n C a r d s of p e o p l e e n t e r i n g S o u t h s i d e . H e p o i n t e d out that v a l u a b l e s had been stolen from locked rooms by p e o p l e w h o a p p e a r e d to have s t o l e n keys. A U n i o n c a r d c h e c k w o u l d in his view result in t h e s e people being caught. He a d m i t t e d that s u c h a c h e c k w o u l d be a n u i s a n c e to

S o u t h s i d e residents, but s a i d that residents w o u l d have to d e c i d e w h e t h e r they w a n t e d c o n v e n i e n c e or s e c u r i t y .

Mr Burgess also suggested that an alarm s h o u l d be put o n the e n t r a n c e to the t u n n e l s under Southside.

T h e M a n a g i n g S u r v e y o r of R e s i d e n c e s , Peter H a l l w o r t h told F E L I X that the m o d i f i c a t i o n s w o u l d ' h o p e f u l l y be c o m p l e t e by the start of S u m m e r term'.

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Apology 3] 2

Wacky Field Cup This year's Field Cup is reported to have been a tremendous success. A Guilds' spokesman stated that lots of 'very silly' things were done, in a generally boisterous and high-spirited atmosphere: 'You'd be surprised what people will do to their bodies if they think they'll.get points for it,' he said.

It was claimed that the best-selling drink of the evening was a pint of bitter, liberally doused with curry powder, while for two of the revellers, sharing a 'willy-warmer' was seen to be the right way to pass the time.

Free

IC U n i o n P r e s i d e n t , C a r l B u r g e s s , has a p o l o g i s e d to S o u t h s i d e r e s i d e n t s after d i s r u p t i n g on o p e n m e e t i n g o n s e c u r i t y by t u r n i n g drunk.

T h e m e e t i n g had been c a l l e d

by Ian H o w g a t e , a F a l m o u t h K e o g h resident w h o has* c a m p a i g n e d about s e c u r i t y in S o u t h s i d e , s o that residents c o u l d draw up p r o p o s a l s for improving security. Mr Howgate o p e n e d the m e e t i n g by o u t l i n i n g the p r o b l e m s .

M r B u r g e s s arrived late in an inebriat e d state with C h r i s Hendy, Falmouth Keogh s u b w a r d e n . M r H e n d y then took the c h a i r a n d M r B u r g e s s started m a k i n g s p e e c h e s a n d prevented Mr Howgate speaking.

E v e n t u a l l y M r H o w g a t e lead a w a l k o u t by r e s i d e n t s w h e n he d e c i d e d that d i s c u s s i o n w a s impossible.

M r B u r g e s s wrote a letter to FELIX on Monday lunchtime a p o l o g i s i n g for his b e h a v i o u r a n d he a l s o a p o l o g i s e d to U n i o n C o u n c i l - f o r b r i n g i n g the U n i o n into d i s r e p u t e .

Friday 21 February

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cs No 732

Star Trek Stiffs

E Sabbaticals C a r l B u r g e s s w a s w r o n g to g o to t h e S o u t h s i d e meeting on S u n d a y drunk.

H e w a s t h e r e as a s t u d e n t representative. H e was there to c o n v i n c e S o u t h s i d e r e s i d e n t s that h e w a s s u p p o r t i n g t h e i r efforts to i m p r o v e S o u t h s i d e security. Unfortunately his performance disillusioned them.

Having said this, on Monday morning Carl, r e a l i s e d his m i s t a k e . H e k n e w he c o u l d not r e s i g n b e c a u s e this late in t h e year n o b o d y w o u l d take o n the r e s p o n s i b i l i t y of b e i n g President. H e did the only t h i n g he c o u l d d o , w h i c h w a s to a p o l o g i s e t o everyone concerned.

H o p e f u l l y , by d o i n g this he

1

will r e g a i n p e o p l e ' s c o n f i d e n c e . It is q u i t e b r a v e to a d m i t b l a m e a n d C a r l h a s d o n e this. I h o p e h e g e t s s o m e c r e d i t for d o i n g so.

If a n y o n e e l s e w a n t s to be a sabbatical c o m e and s e e m e as s o o n as p o s s i b l e as I h a v e to a d v i s e y o u about producing publicity.

Credits T h a n k s to J M a r t i n T a y l o r , Bill G o o d w i n , A n d y Major, Richard Smith, Jane Spiegel, Kamala Sen, S u n n y Bains, Sarah Kirk, Benjamin, Rosemary Hosking, Jim Clayden, Mark Cottle, C h r i s Edwards, Dave Jones, Dave Griffiths, C h r i s Stapleton, Nigel Atkinson and Pete Wilson.

F E L I X is p u b l i s h e d by the E d i t o r for a n d on behalf of Imperial C o l l e g e U n i o n P u b l i c a t i o n s B o a r d a n d is printed by the Imperial C o l l e g e U n i o n Print Unit. P r i n c e C o n s o r t R o a d , L o n d o n , S W 7 2 B B , (Tel 01-589 5111 ext 3515). T h e Editor of F E L I X is H u g h S o u t h e y a n d T h e B u s i n e s s M a n a g e r is J Martin T a y l o r . C o p y r i g h t F E L I X 1986. I S S N 1040-0711.

Southside: The Apologies Dear Hugh, M a y I take this o p p o r t u n i t y to a p o l o g i s e to all t h o s e c o n c e r n e d for a l l o w i n g the Southside security meeting to c o l l a p s e into a state of disarray on Sunday evening. The only reason I o f f e r e d to c h a i r the m e e t i n g w a s I t h o u g h t it w o u l d m a k e it e a s i e r for Ian to put f o r w a r d his v i e w s if not in the c h a i r . O n r e f l e c t i o n it w a s o b v i o u s l y w r o n g to a t t e m p t to c h a i r the meeting as I d o U G M ' s . we all m a k e m i s t a k e s !

I w o u l d like h o w e v e r to u s e this s p a c e to c o n g r a t u l a t e Ian o n t h e h a r d w o r k he h a s u n d e r t a k e n in a n a t t e m p t to better S e c u r i t y in S o u t h s i d e . T h e lack of S e c u r i t y in S o u t h s i d e h a s b e e n of c o n c e r n to me d u r i n g m y three y e a r s a s S u b w a r d e n of F a l m o u t h K e o g h Hall and I can a s s u r e all r e s i d e n t s that 'any m o v e s to i m p r o v e the s i t u a t i o n have m y f u l l backing. •'Yours apologetically \Chris Hendy

;|TO W H O M IT M A Y ;CONCERN | O n S u n d a y , 16th F e b r u a r y ,

I a t t e n d e d a m e e t i n g with various Southside residents c o n c e r n i n g t h e s e c u r i t y in Southside. The meeting w a s at 9 . 0 0 p m a n d I regret to s a y I t u r n e d up m o r e than s o m e w h a t inebriated.

H a v i n g b e e n r e m i n d e d of the m e e t i n g e a r l i e r d u r i n g the d a y , after I h a d s t a r t e d drinking, I shoul d then h a v e t a k e n t h e d e c i s i o n not to a t t e n d the m e e t i n g .

U n f o r t u n a t e l y I d i d not take that d e c i s i o n a n d s o m a d e a mistake* I have b e e n i n f o r m e d that many people were upset o v e r m y c o n d u c t at t h e meeting, and so I should like to take this o p p o r t u n i t y to a p o l o g i s e to t h e m . I s h o u l d a l s o like to e x p l a i n that the s e c u r i t y s i t u a t i o n in S o u t h s i d e h a s b e e n fully i n v e s t i g a t e d a n d p l a n s are u n d e r w a y to i n c r e a s e t h e s e c u r i t y there.

There have been many p r o b l e m s in the past a n d w e have tried t h i s t i m e to c o m e u p with a v i a b l e s o l u t i o n . If a n y o n e w o u l d like to c o m e a n d s e e me to d i s c u s s this or a n y o t h e r matter p l e a s e feel free to do so.

Carl Burgess President 17 February 1986

Dear Mr Southey, I s p e a k for a lar g e n u m b e r of IC s t u d e n t s w h e n I s a y that, f r a n k l y , w e ' r e g e t t i n g bored stiff by s o m e of the m at er ia l w h i c h h a s b e e n a p p e a r i n g in the F E L I X 'letters' p a g e s r e c e n t l y .

S o m e F E L I X H a c k s think they're being amazingly f u n n y b y s l a g g i n g off o t h e r people without having the g u t s to s i g n their n a m e s at the b o t t o m , p r e f e r r i n g to use some pseudo-comical .

'Star Trek' n a m e s instead.

J a m e s E Kirk ( C a p t a i n Kirk?) who wouldn't wear a

tie to a ' C r a z y T i e ' party, s e e m s to me the sort of p e r s o n w h o w o u l d g o to a 1920's party in a pink t o g a a n d to a v i c a r s a n d tarts party w e a r i n g m o t o r - c y c l e l e a t h e r s . T h e g a r b a g e that ' S p o c k ' and ' J a m e s E Kirk' h a v e b e e n w r i t i n g is the sort of drivel m o s t I C s t u d e n t s s n e e r at w i t h utter c o n t e m p t , s o I'm s u r e we'll all h e a v e a s i g h of relief w h e n w e s t o p s e e i n g it.

Yours sincerely, Alastair Seymour Elec Eng 1

Southside: The Complaints Dear Sir, W e have just r e t u r n e d f r o m a m e e t i n g of the c o m m i t t e e s of S o u t h s i d e H a l l s . It w a s c a l l e d by M r Ian H o w g a t e of F a l m o u t h K e o g h a n d w a s to c o n c e r n S e c u r i t y in S o u t h s i d e , a p r o b l e m of great i m p o r t a n c e to t h o s e w h o live h e r e .

It is the f e e l i n g of t h e u n d e r s i g n e d that the p e r f o r m a n c e of t h e U n i o n representative present s h o u l d b e b r o u g h t to t h e a t t e n t i o n of the s t u d e n t s of Imperial.

The meeting proceeded with speed and efficiency u n d e r the c h a i r m a n s h i p of M r H o w g a t e , until M r Burgess and Mr Hendy a r r i v e d late a n d u n d e r the i n f l u e n c e of a l c o h o l . T h e best that c o u l d be s a i d of M r B u r g e s s w a s that h e c o u l d still walk.

T h e r e to all intents a n d p u r p o s e s the m e e t i n g s t o p p e d , as t h e s e t w o gentlemen took control, ousting Mr Howgate from the chair.

M r B u r g e s s g a v e us a l o n g s p i e l o n his v i r t u e s a s a r e p r e s e n t a t i v e of IC s t u d e n t s , c o n t a i n i n g what m u s t b y the q u o t e of t h e c e n t u r y ' . , n o o n e ever n o t i c e s what I d o ' .

F o l l o w i n g this he a t t e m p t e d to k e e p ' b l o o d y o r d e r ' by p r e v e n t i n g t h o s e with v a l i d points from making them.

M r H e n d y the n e w chairman was noted as s t o p p i n g the m e e t i n g s e v e n t i m e s to ask the s a m e

Friday 21 February

simple question, 'Does a n y o n e p r e s e n t feel s a t i s f i e d with s e c u r i t y in S o u t h s i d e ? ' o n the last o c c a s i o n he w a s a n s w e r e d with a resounding ' N O ! ' Mr H o w g a t e left s a y i n g the meeting would reconvene later as he w a l k e d out in disgust.

T h e last p o i n t f r o m the f l o o r w a s ' c o u l d the P r e s i d e n t Please be s o b e r at the next m e e t i n g ? ' A s e n t i m e n t e c h o e d by m a n y of the a s s e m b l e d s t u d e n t s .

T h i s p o i n t m a y not h a v e m a d e t h e m i n u t e s as the m e e t i n g c o u l d be s a i d to have c l o s e d , b e c a u s e we w e r e all l e a v i n g .

If M r B u r g e s s w o u l d w i s h to truly r e p r e s e n t IC S t u d e n t s , t h e n p e r h a p s he s h o u l d arrive o n t i m e a n d in a state in w h i c h he c o u l d r e m e m b e r the night b e f o r e , the m o r n i n g after.

W e h o p e that he, or the U n i o n , w o u l d act o n this o b s e r v a t i o n a n d t h i n k that not o n l y s h o u l d the u n i o n officials (especially the P r e s i d e n t ) r e p r e s e n t the s t u d e n t s but s h o u l d a l s o be r e p r e s e n t a t i v e of the students.

If M r B u r g e s s f e e l s that he w a s in a fit state to r e p r e s e n t the U n i o n at a m e e t i n g of s t u d e n t s , t h e n p e r h a p s b o t h the U n i o n a n d the s t u d e n t s of Imperial s h o u l d c o n s i d e r r a i s i n g the s t a n d a r d s of their P r e s i d e n t ' s b e h a v i o u r , or s e r i o u s l y c o n s i d e r electing s o m e o n e who's FELIX

Southside: The Complaints... s t a n d a r d s reflect t h o s e of the majority Yours sincerely, Mai Hunter (UG Rep Tizard) M Steer (Staircase Rep Tizard) GK Whittaker (concerned student) Jez Deacon (Staircase Rep) A Wonnacott (Ass Subwarden) Steven Norton (Chairman Tizzard) M Mueller (Tizard resident) This reflects the views of a large number of Southside weren't students who present so can't legtimately sign this letter Dear FELIX, On Sunday evening I a t t e n d e d a m e e t i n g of S o u t h s i d e r e s i d e n t s in F a l m o u t h - K e o g h to d i s c u s s widespread concer n over security arrangements. The meeting had been c a l l e d by Ian H o w g a t e , a F a l m o u t h K e o g h resident w h o had d o n e a survey on the extent of t h e f t s f r o m r o o m s a n d m a i l r a c k s . T h e o b j e c t of t h e m e e t i n g w a s to h a v e b e e n f o r Ian to p r e s e n t h i s v i e w of t h e p r o b l e m to i n t e r e s t e d s t u d e n t s a n d to canvas for s u g g e s t i o n s . I u n d e r s t a n d Ian h a d c o n s u l t e d the S o u t h s i d e w a r d e n s a b o u t the p r o b l e m a n d that they had a g r e e d that t h i s s h o u l d b e a residents campaign i n d e p e n d e n t of t h e wardens, w h o have been m a k i n g their o w n efforts o n the subject for s o m e t i m e .

Car l B u r g e s s , as p r e s i d e n t of t h e U n i o n , h a d b e e n i n v i t e d to a t t e n d to l i s t e n to t h e r e s i d e n t s c a s e .

However Mr Burgess arrived obviously s o m e w h a t inebriated and proceeded to i n t e r r u p t Ian a n d a n y o n e e l s e w h o s p o k e , to r a m b l e incoherently about how c a p a b l e h e w a s a n d to s l a g off t h o s e e x p r e s s i n g c o n c e r n . T h e situation was m a d e no better by C h r i s Hendy, Falmouth-Keogh s u b w a r d e n , w h o o f f e r e d to h e l p Ian by c h a i r i n g t h e meeting. Unfortunately Mr B u r g e s s w a s a l l o w e d to c o n t i n u e m a k i n g a f o o l of himself and no attempt was r e a l l y m a d e to let Ian put his c a s e before a d i s c u s s i o n was started. T o b e fair t h e s i t u a t i o n w a s not helped by two other people present w h o s e e m e d intent o n c h a l l e n g i n g e v e r y trivial p o i n t , but in a s h o r t p e r i o d of t i m e p e o p l e w h o s h o u l d k n o w better had c a u s e d an important meeting to FELIX

d e g e n e r a t e to a f a r c e . A t t h i s p o i n t Ian led a w a l k o u t b y m o s t of t h e r e s i d e n t s present.

S o u t h s i d e s e c u r i t y is a v e r y s e r i o u s i s s u e , it is a p r o b l e m that h a s b e e n a l l o w e d to c o n t i n u e far t o o long. W h e n people who are s u p p o s e d to r e p r e s e n t u s , and I really m e a n C a r l B u r g e s s , behav e like total wally's over matters w h i c h w e r e o b v i o u s l y of c o n c e r n to a l a r g e n u m b e r of p e o p l e it is t i m e to w o r r y . M r B u r g e s s w a s intent on i n s i s t i n g that t h e m a t t e r b e left to h i m but h o w , c a n w e f r a n k l y b e e x p e c t e d to t r u s t in C a r l w h e n he is t o t a l l y i n c a p a b l e of s h o w i n g o r d i n a r y s t u d e n t s that h e is trustworthy. S o m e may say that it is t o o late in t h e y e a r to t h i n k a b o u t v o t e s of n o c o n f i d e n c e , but the situation c a n n o t be a l l o w e d to c o n t i n u e w i t h o u t s o m e c o m m e n t . It is i m p o r t a n t that p e o p l e w h o get e l e c t e d s h o u l d not b e a l l o w e d to think that they c a n n o t be held r e s p o n s i b l e for their i n c o m p e t e n c e , a n d I for one would support a motion censuring Carl B u r g e s s f o r his s t u p i d behaviour.

Mark Cottle

- • J " "

s o u n d of his o w n v o i c e b e i n g e x e r c i s e d . In a d d i t i o n to t h i s , o u r s a l a r i e d representative, Carl • Burgess, was obvously i n t o x i c a t e d to a d e g r e e w h i c h r e n d e r e d h i s at t i m e s useful intellectual appraisal at a level s o m e w h e r e c l o s e to t h a t of a m a n d e c e a s e d .

E v e n t u a l l y the i n s t i g a t o r of t h e m e e t i n g , Ian H o w g a t e , u n a b l e to put f o r w a r d his o b s e r v a t i o n s o n t h e m a t t e r d u e to M r Hendy's obstructionism, left, f o l l o w e d b y a l a r g e n u m b e r of t h e o t h e r residents.

It is e s s e n t i a l t h a t S o u t h s i d e s e c u r i t y is improved immediately, b e c a u s e the situation h a s d e t e r i o r a t e d to t h e p o i n t of ridicule. Southside security w o r k to t h e b e s t a d v a n t a g e p o s s i b l e , but t h e y a r e h a m p e r e d b y l a c k of m a n p o w e r . T h e fault really lies w i t h t h e f a i l u r e of t h e Union and College

a u t h o r i t i e s to i n s t i g a t e a n y a c t i o n to i m p r o v e t h e facilities available.

S o u t h s i d e e n t r a n c e s are not s e c u r e . A t t h e S e l k i r k e n t r a n c e , t h e l o c k b a r r e l is s o w o r n a s to a c c e p t a n y key, a n d almost any I C H b l a n k key will o p e n it. T h e j c a r d k e y s y s t e m is still not operational, a n d wore out v e r y fast w h e n it w a s . It is still e a s y to g a i n a c c e s s to the S o u t h s i d e t u n n e l level s y s t e m via the lifts a n d v i c e versa. F r o m this point,the lifts at e a c h e n d of t h e b u i l d i n g c a n be o v e r i d d e n , a n d c a l l e d to the t u n n e l level. T h e p o s s i b l e c o n s e q u e n c e s of t h i s c a n easily be imagined, S o u t h s i d e security are too overworked to c h e c k o n e v e r y o n e entering via their entrance, W i l l it r e q u i r e a n o t h e r r a p e or w o r s e , b e f o r e a c t i o n is t a k e n ?

B Morrison A Banister

ffR

IPS* 53 M*> f £ VI

Letters to FELIX must arrive in the FELIX Office by 1.30pm if they are too be printed in Friday's FELIX. All letters must be signed although names will be witheld if requested.

Letters can be on any subject. The Editor can not guarantee to print any letter. No ;etter, though, will be edited without the author's consent.

Falmouth Keogh Resident Dear FELIX, T h i s e v e n i n g at F a l m o u t h K e o g h Hall, we attended a meeting c o n c e r n i n g the s t a t e of s e c u r i t y in t h e h a l l s of r e s i d e n c e .

It is a m a t t e r of c o m m o n k n o w l e d g e t h a t at p r e s e n t scarcely a day passes w i t h o u t s o m e e x a m p l e of a b y s m a l n e g l e c t in t h i s area. During recent w e e k s residents' mail has been repeatedly stolen, machines v a n d a l i s e d etc. W e d i s c o v e r e d today, that o n l y on Friday two rooms within the S o u t h s i d e c o m p l e x were entered, probably with o n e of t h e m y r i a d of m a s t e r k e y s w h i c h are f r e e l y a v a i l a b l e to all a n d s u n d r y , a n d in o n e of t h e s e r o o m s a wallet and £1,000 worth of c a m e r a e q u i p m e n t w a s r e m o v e d . T h i s h a p p e n e d at 1.15pm at w h i c h t i m e t h e resident was taking a s h o w e r on the s a m e landing.

At the m e e t i n g , the attitude d i s p l a y e d by the subwarden Chris Hendy w a s s o m e w h a t a k i n to h i s a t t e m p t s to q u i e t e n t h e n o i s y a n d v a c u o u s at I C U G M ' s . He was severely o u t of t o u c h w i t h t h e n e e d for a c t i o n rather than the

(continued)

ffVEcee! o 9

U L U T r a v e l , Imperial C o l e g e .

Sherfield Building, Prince Consort Road, London S W 7 .

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Tel: 01-581 8882

TheWorldbeaters

Friday 21 February

3

A Public School Snob Writes...

Dear Sir, W h i l s t t h e '3rd y e a r Computing Undergraduate' has s o m e interesting a c e r b i c c o m m e n t s to m a k e on innocent M S c students, I w o u l d h a v e t h o u g h t it better for h i m to w i t h h o l d his scurrilous rantings from the o t h e r w i s e relatively s a n e p a g e s of F E L I X . H i s sort of s n i d e , u n d e r h a n d c o m m e n t s s h o u l d be reserved for s u c h gutterpress organs as ' R C S Broadsheet'.

In m y o p i n i o n ( w h i c h is unfortunately biased as I a m from public s c h o o l ) the 'old b o y s ' are t h e o n l y o n e s w h o d o really k n o w h o w t h i n g s s h o u l d be d o n e .

C o n t r a r y to p o p u l a r belief w e a r e not s n o b s o r g a y .

We have manners (which the C o m p u t i n g undergraduates obviously l a c k s ) , m o s t of us a r e reasonable public speakers ( u n l i k e the U n i o n e x e c u t i v e s ) , m o s t of u s h a v e talents in o t h e r f i e l d s apar t f r o m j u s ' s c i e n c e a n d w e are p r e p a r e d to w o r k to i m p r o v e o u r s e l v e s a n d the r e p u t a t i o n of o u r c o l l e g e , rather t h a n letting it be

L e t t e r s a r e all v e r y w e l l but h o w d o y o u write to a few hundred (thousand) people all at o n c e a n d in a n e n g a g i n g a n d witty m a n n e r t o o ? I m e a n , w r i t i n g hurts, it hurts m e at least. A n d , d o n ' t o n l y m e a n in t h e mental way, I find my hand is l i f e l e s s , m y a r m d u l l e n e d after o n l y a f e w p a g e s of l o n g h a n d struggle. I can't t y p e , k n o w no s h o r t h a n d a n d e v e n if I c o u l d p a y s o m e b o d y to d o it all f o r me I probably wouldn't b e c a u s e I'm a m e a n b a s t a r d . O r I w o u l d be if I h a d a n y m o n e y to b e m e a n w i t h . T h e r e , I've u s e d m e a n 4, n o 5 t i m e s a l r e a d y . Rest a s s u r e d g e n t l e r e a d e r , it w o u l d n ' t h a p p e n if I h a d a decent vocabulary. That I p l a c e the b l a m e for o n my E n g l i s h t e a c h e r s of

d r a g g e d d o w n to the level of the i n s u f f e r a b l e 3rd y e a r C o m p u t e r S c i e n t i s t . Let us h a v e n o m o r e of t h e i r inverted s n o b b e r y ! faithfully, Yours Physics Undergraduate (Name supplied)

e t e r n a l i n f a m y . A f t e r a l l , all o p i n i o n s are like a r s e h o l e s everybody has one.

Yours sincerely, MSc Computing Student request Name withheld by

Moonie Blues Part 2

A Great Guy/Woman Writes...

Dear Sir, T h e observation by the 3rd year C o m p u t i n g U n d e r g r a d u a t e is absolutely correct. I a m an M S c computing student m y s e l f a n d I have s e e n M S c Postgraduate students w h o t h i n k that t h e y h a v e the m a k i n g of a p o l i t i c i a n b y the s w a g g e r a n d d i s p l a y t h e y put into their 'questions'.

F o r t u n a t e l y , I h a p p e n to fall into the a l t e r n a t i v e d e s c r i p t i o n of M S c s t u d e n t s : ' M o s t M S c ' s are great g u y s / w o m e n . . . ' . A s s u c h I w o u l d like to a d v i s e 3rd year C o m p u t i n g U n d e r g r a d u a t e to be m o r e c i r c u m s p e c t in h i s c a t e g o r i s i n g IC s t u d e n t population into 3 distinct g r o u p s b e c a u s e by a s i n g l e e x a m p l e a n d o n e fell s t r o k e of h i s p e n , h e h a s c o n s i g n e d all M S c ' s to

y e s t e r d a y . A n d a bit b e f o r e that a s w e l l . G r a m m a r w a s n ' t s p o k e n of, w e e k l y s p e l l i n g tests w e r e in a n d v e r y little e l s e . A f e w y e a r s a g o a w o m a n w h o u s e d to live next d o o r to us c o m m e n t e d to m y m o t h e r on how well-spoken I now was 'and him having been in r e m e d i a l E n g l i s h c l a s s t o o ! ' I w a s o u t r a g e d at this s l u r o n m y ability, I've n e v e r b e e n r e m e d i a l in m y life, the c h e e k of it a l l . N o w h e r e I a m a n d I feel extremely, well, remedial. A girl at a party last w e e k i n t r o d u c e d m e to s o m e b o d y a s 'the g u y w h o is q u i t e g o o d at t e n n i s but shit at c o m p u t i n g ' . A life's a m b i t i o n c r u s h e d in t h e h a n d s of a 6 f o o t a m a z o n w i t h t h e a c c u r a c y of a striking cobra. A n d she

Dear Hugh, I read M i k e B a l c o m b ' s letter in last w e e k s F E L I X w i t h s o m e interest, n o t i n g in p a r t i c u l a r his e x t e n s i v e u s e of o n e s t u d y a s p r o o f that h i s o r g a n i s a t i o n ( C A R P ) is not t h e o g r e ' M o o n i e B l u e s ' m a k e s it out to be.

H a v i n g t w i c e read D r Barber's book 'The Making of a M o o n i e ' (there's no n e e d to s p e n d ÂŁ 1 2 , a s t h e r e is a c o p y in t h e H a l d a n e L i b r a r y ) I w o u l d like to share a few observations.

Dr B a r b e r w a s ' c h o s e n ' by the Unification C h u r c h to c o n d u c t h e r s t u d y s a s s h e w a s u n l i k e l y to be biased against the c h u r c h at t h e start. T h i s is not m e a n t to s u g g e s t that f u n d i n g c a m e for within the Unification Movement (infact, the S S R C f o o t e d m u c h of t h e bill), but it m u s t b e b o r n e in m i n d that it w a s t h e M o o n i e s w h o a s k e d E i l e e n B a r b e r to investigate their organsation. While she was not a U C m e m b e r , s h e h a d

doesn't know how bad I am at t e n n i s a s w e l l . R e c e n t l y I've b e e n g r a p p l i n g w i t h a s e n s e of i n a d e q u a c y not s e e n s i n c e W a l t e r Mitty. In my dreams I am a successful person.

S u c c e s s f u l in s o c i e t y ' s t e r m s ; s o m e t h i n g in m y waking moments I profess to s h u n . A w o o l g a t h e r i n g wooly-principled b a c k s l i d e r . I c a n ' t t h i n k of a word meaning back slider that b e g i n s w i t h a 'w'.

W h e n I l e a v e t h i s altar of learning, no doubt with s o m e t h i n g to s h o w f o r it, I s h a l l d o if not m y u t m o s t t h e n c e r t a i n l y q u i t e a lot to forget w h a t little, I h a v e assimilated. A theology s t u d e n t o n c e r e m a r k e d to m e o n the little k n o w n fact that in h i s o p i n i o n c o m p u t i n g w a s the m o s t s e n s e l e s s (and u s e l e s s ) degree subject out. H a d I b e e n q u i c k of m i n d a n d n i m b l e of t o n g u e I w o u l d n o d o u b t h a v e r e t o r t e d that the s t u d y of a n c i e n t

Friday 21 February

had s o m e contact with t h e m , a n d h a d not a p p e a r e d to be unsympathetic. ' T h e m a k i n g of a M o o n i e ' covers quite extensively r e c e i v i n g t e c h n i q u e (as observed), b u t , quite rightly draws c o n c l u s i o n s o n l y a s far as the v o l u m e of evidence permits. T h e e v i d e n c e c a m e partly f r o m f i r s t - h a n d e x p e r i e n c e in a n u m b e r of u n i f i c a t i o n c e n t r e s a n d partly f r o m questionaires and i n t e r v i e w s with past a n d p r e s e n t (then) U C m e m b e r s . N e e d l e s s to s a y , the c u r r e n t m e m b e r s w e r e , to m a n , a d a m e n t that t h e y h a d not b e e n b r a i n w a s h e d .

S o m e of t h e ' l e a v e r s ' h a d different i d e a s . M r B a l c o m b s s u g g e s t i o n that a l l e g a t i o n s of b r a i n w a s h i n g h a v e b e e n d i s c o n t i n u e d is, of c o u r s e , i n d e f e n s i b l e ( W i t n e s s F E L I X , 31 2 86) If t i m e p e r m i t t e d , it w o u l d be t e m p t i n g to d i s c u s s t h e p o l i t i c a l a c t i v i t i e s of t h e U C a n d the m o r a l i t y of t h e u n i f i c a t i o n c o n c e p t of 'Divine Deception'.

H o w e v e r , in c o n c l u s i o n I w o u l d rather r e m i n d r e a d e r s that, w h i l e C A R P , the Unifcation c h u r c h , the H o l y S p i r i t A s s o c i a t i o n for U n i f i c a t i o n of w o r l d C h r i s t i a n i t y , a n d all t h e o t h e r r elat e d o r g a n i s a t i o n s m a y , l e g a l l y s p e a k i n g be q u i t e s e p a r a t e t h e y h a v e in c o m m o n the p o l i c i e s , p r i n c i p l e s a n d a i m s of t h e Rev S u n M y u n g M o o n .

Yours sincerely, Alastair Macleod

r e l i g i o n s , c o m p a r i s o n of modern ones and theology in g e n e r a l isn't m y i d e a of a relevent s u b j e c t either. B u t t h e r e y o u are. S t i l l , I h o p e .

There I mean. A n d there still is that 4-letter w o r d , I d o n ' t s e e m to k n o w of a better o n e . A letter in a n old technology S u n d a y newspaper from a s u b e d i t o r o n a n e w o n e w h o is not o n l y a s h a m e d of h i s a c t i o n (of s t a y i n g o n the staff) but not b r a v e e n o u g h to leave s t r u c k me a s c u r i o u s l y s t r o n g . A b l e to put his n a m e to a letter of s u c h f o r c e a n d c l a r i t y a s he d i d , a b u s i n g h i m s e l f in t h e n a t i o n a l p r e s s , p e r h a p s he is o n e of a g r o w i n g n u m b e r of p e o p l e e q u i p p e d with the s k i l l s to s u r v i v e in a n age, and a Britain, long g o n e past, n e v e r I t h i n k to r e t u r n . I d o n ' t b e m o a n its l o s s or w i s h for it to r e t u r n , m e r e l y that w h a t r e p l a c e d it h a s n ' t t u r n e d out to be all that it p r o m i s e d to be.

Woolgatherer

FELIX

Bo Peep C i t y a n d G u i l d s wer e g r a n t e d p e r m i s s i o n to park their m a s c o t B o o u t s i d e the Science Museum during the official o p e n i n g on W e d n e s d a y e v e n i n g of the e x h i b i t i o n on '100 y e a r s of Motoring'. This move was i n t e n d e d to g a i n C & G s o m e ' n e e d e d p u b l i c i t y ' , s a i d the mechanics, Paul Mallone, Luke Walker and Ed Ashford.

T he car was parked on the p a v e m e n t o u t s i d e the m u s e u m e n t r a n c e for just

o v e r an hour, a n d attracted a fair a m o u n t of attention.

S e v e r a l p e o p l e c a m e up a n d c h a t t e d with the mechanics and C & G President Roger Preece.

B o , o f f i c a l l y d e s c r i b e d as the ' P r e s i d e n t ' s C h a r i o t ' , is the o l d e r of the o n l y t w o James and Browne T o n n e a u s still in e x i s t e n c e .

It w a s m a n u f a c t u r e d in 1902 in H a m m e r s m i t h a n d w a s o n e of the first c a r s to b e d e s i g n e d entirely in this country.

The last Word On Tuesday Guilds President Roger Preece gave a talk o n ' J e s u s the last w o r d o n M a n ' .

M r P r e e c e s a i d that J e s u s w a s a g o o d moralist a n d p r e a c h e r but that he w o u l d be r e g a r d e d as a ' l u n a t i c ' if he m a d e his c l a i m s t o d a y .

But d e s p i t e this J e s u s d i e d for the s a l v a t i o n of everyone.

M r P r e e c e s a i d that h e h a d b e e n b r o u g h t up as a C h r i s t i a n s i n c e the a g e of five but he q u e s t i o n e d r e l i g i o n in his t e e n s a n d that n o w as a C h r i s t i a n he is still l e a r n i n g a b o u t his faith.

H e then o u t l i n e d the s t e p s n e c e s s a r y to b e c o m e a Christian.

Ennals Write Richard Ennals, exr e s e a r c h m a n a g e r of the C o m p u t i n g D e p a r t m e n t at IC, has written a letter to M P s , e x p r e s s i n g his c o n c e r n s over SDI. Mr Ennals, who resigned recently in protest a g a i n s t B r i t a i n ' s i n v o l v e m e n t in S D I , s u g g e s t s that the project may have b e e n a f ac t or in the interest g i v e n to s u c h c o m p a n i e s as Westland and British L e y l a n d by U S c o m p a n i e s .

H e a l s o e x p r e s s e s his belief that, if the P e n t a g o n w e r e to have its w a y , a w i d e r a n g e of t e c h n o l o g i e s w o u l d be liable to be c l a s s i f i e d as hav in g a military a p p l i c a t i o n .

FELIX

D a v i d B r e n n a n was a c c u s e d of t h r e a t e n i n g rape after the R S M V a l e n t i n e s party last w e e k .

T h e w o m a n in q u e s t i o n , a M e t a l l u r g y student, s a i d that he had t h r e a t e n e d her with rape in the w o m e n ' s toilets. T h e p o l i c e wer e c a l l e d at her b o y f r i e n d s request, a n d M r B r e n n a n was a r r e s t e d . C h a r g e s w e r e not p r e s s e d after the w o m a n w a s interviewed by the p o l i c e . M r B r e n n a n has been banned from C o l l e g e a n d U n i o n p r e m i s e s until 15th F e b r u a r y 1987.

Tight Budget

S

The Union Finance C o m m i t t e e met last T h u r s d a y to d i s c u s s t h e expenditure estimates s u b m i t t e d by the U n i o n ' s subcommittees. The committees include those r e p r e s e n t i n g c l u b s , the constituent college unions, welfare, a n d e x t e r n a l affairs. D u r i n g the m e e t i n g it w a s a g r e e d that the s u b c o m m i t t e e s s h o u l d ree x a m i n e their c l a i m s w h i c h collectively were beyond the U n i o n s budget. It w a s a l s o a g r e e d that c l u b s w h i c h h a d not s u b m i t t e d a c l a i m w o u l d r e c e i v e no extra m o n e y next year.

D o u g l a s A d a m s , a u t h o r of the s u c c e s s f u l ' H i t c h H i k e r s G u i d e to the G a l a x y ' attracted a large a u d i e n c e w h e n he t a l k e d to W e l l s o c on Monday.

M r A d a m s was given an enthusiastic reception. He spent two'hours reading e x t r a c t s f r o m his b o o k s before inviting q u e s t i o n s f r o m the a u d i e n c e . D u r i n g the talk he m e n t i o n e d the p o s s i b i l i t y of a ' H i t c h Hikers G u i d e ' film and a n n o u n c e d his intention to travel to A m e r i c a by w a l k i n g o v e r the f r o z e n B e r i n g Straits next year.

L a t e r in the e v e n i n g M r Adams autographed copies of his b o o k s w h i c h wer e o n s a l e in t h e B o t Z o o Common Room.

N U S L o n d o n are organising a demonstration a b o u t benefits next W e d n e s d a y . S t u d e n t s are s u p p o s e d to gather at C o u n t y H a l l at 12 n o o n .

T h e d e m o n s t r a t i o n will t h e n g o to the D H S S . IC U n i o n wil l t a k i n g part in t h e demonstration. People going on the demonstration sho'uld g a t h e r at Beit A r c h at 11.30am.

Duet For One D u e t for O n e , a L o n d o n C a n n o n Films Production, w a s b e i n g f i l m e d at the A l b e r t H a l l on M o n d a y a n d T u e s d a y . D i r e c t e d by A n d r i Kanchalavsky and p r o d u c e d by M e n a h a n G o l a n a n d Y o r a n G l o b u x , it por t r ay s a c o n c e r t violinist's s t r u g g l e a g a i n s t the c r i p p l i n g d i s e a s e Multiple Sclerosis.

J u l i e A n d r e w s p l a y s the lead role a c c o m p a n i e d by A l a n B a t e s , a s her h u s b a n d and conductor/composer,

Take A

Organise Benefits Demo

M a x n e l l C e d i o s , as her psychiatrist, and Rupert Everett (of ' D a n c e w i t h a S t r a n g e r ' fame) w h o p l a y s her p u p i l a n d c o n c e r t partner.

B a s e d o n a s t a g e play by T o m Kempinski, originally written for his wife F r a n c i s De L a Tour and David D e l e g s e r , it w a s e x t r e m e l y s u c c e s s f u l in L o n d o n d u r i n g 1980 a n d is e x p e c t e d to be r e l e a s e d in F e b r u a r y 87.

College Accomodation Application forms for new and reapplicants to halls/houses and head tenancies are available today (21st February) from Student Services.

Applications close Friday 5th March at 4pm

Friday 21 February

Union Bar

T Wethereds 50p Strong Lager 55p Live Music

Ladders M y f r i e n d M o b i u s is a dedicated puzzle fanatic.

S o a d d i c t e d is he in fact, that h e c o n t i n u a l l y i n v e n t s puzzles from everyday s i t u a t i o n s ( m u c h to m y annoyance). The other day, for e x a m p l e , he t o l d m e that o n his w a y to c o l l e g e he was walking d o w n a s m a l l a l l e y w a y b e h i n d his house The alleyway was 5 feet w i d e . T w o l a d d e r s w e r e p l a c e d s o that e a c h l a d d e r t o u c h e d t h e b a s e of the o p p o s i t e w a l l to that w h i c h it w a s l e a n i n g o n , and they both leaned against different walls. O n e l a d d e r w a s 16 feet l o n g , t h e o t h e r 11 feet l o n g . W h a t M o b i u s w a n t e d to k n o w w a s ; c o u l d he, w a l k i n g in a s t r a i g h t line p a r r e l l e l to the alleyway, walk under both ladders without bumping his h e a d ( M o b i u s is extremely unsuperstitous and will p u r p o s e l y walk u n d e r l a d d e r s in d e f i a n c e of s u p e r n a t u r a l f o r c e s ) ?

M o b i u s w o u l d n ' t tell m e t h e a n s w e r , he s a i d it w a s n ' t very difficult a n d I s h o u l d d o it m y s e l f . B u t h e d i d s a y that I s h o u l d n ' t t a k e i n t o a c c o u n t t h e w i d t h of h i s h e a d or the l a d d e r s . C a n y o u tell m e w h a t a n s w e r h e g o t ? B y t h e w a y , M o b i u s is 5 feet 11 i n c h e s tall.

Randomly selected w i n n e r will r e c e i v e £5.

A n s w e r s plus c o m m e n t etc to the F E L I X o f f i c e by Tuesday lunchtime please.

It s e e m s that t h e p r o b l e m I set a f ew w e e k s a g o , t r i c k y t r i a n g l e s , first a p p e a r e d in .

F E L I X f o u r y e a r s a g o , in

l ANNOUNCEMENT •TRAFFIC WARDENS—TO DEPT H E A D S — A P L E A If y o u have a visitor w h o has to bring in a c a r please contact the G A T E H O U S E (3395) a n d we will a r r a n g e a parking bay for y o u . T h i s is important.

C o n f u s i o n over bays s h o u l d be lessened! Thank you.

• C o m i n g soon Imperial C o l l e g e S y m p h o n y O r c h e s t r a (with IC Choir)—Mahler Symphony No 2 — F r i d a y 23 F e b , 8.00pm, G r e a t H a l l , T i c k e t s £1.50 f r om H a l d a n e Library, O r c h e s t r a m e m b e r s , at the door.

• C h o i r Rehearsal S u n d a y 23 F e b , G r e a t Hall, 11.00am. A n y o n e w e l c o m e to sing M a h l e r S y m p h o n y N o 2.

•Mahler Resurrection Symphony O n l y o n e more week to g o .

•Stalls are needed for the f o r t h c o m i n g R a g Fete on 26 A p r i l next term. W o u l d y o u like a stall?

T h e y s h o u l d ideally be entertaining a n d m o n e y - r a i s i n g s o please have a think. C o n t a c t M a n Tai T s e u n g , R a g S e c r e t a r y IC U n i o n or C h e m E n g P i g e o n holes.

• M A H L E R 2, Choir Rehearsals A n y o n e interested in s i n g i n g in this

Martin S Taylor's excellent S C A R A M O U C H E Column.

B e i n g quite a clever puzzleit p r o b a b l y g o t p a s s e d a r o u n d until it r e a c h e d m e , s o t h e c r e d i t s h o u l d g o to M a r t i n . N o n e of t h e f e w w h o entered knew this, t h o u g h , s o no h a r m d o n e .

W h a t ' s i n t e r e s t i n g is that, b a c k in 1982 M a r t i n got eleven correct entries, w h i l e I o n l y got five s o l u t i o n s in total! H a s inflation s o r e d u c e d the v a l u e of £5 s i n c e 1982?

A c t u a l l y I've b e e n a bit . disappointed generally with t h e r e s p o n s e to s o m e of m y more interesting problems.

M y p r e f e r e n c e is t o w a r d s inspirational type problems that n e e d a f l a s h of i n s i g h t to s o l v e , r a t h e r t h a n t h e s l o g it out p e r m u t a t i o n t y p e , but t h e latter i n v a r i a b l y get a better r e s p o n s e . P l e a s e let m e k n o w w h a t y o u prefer, o r whether y o u think the p r o b l e m s are too hard.

Valentine Verisimilitude—Solution A n d r e a sent Oliver's card.

Barbara sent Neil's card Christine sent Pete's card D i a n a sent Luke's card Elizabeth sent Mike's card A n d r e a w a s P e t e ' s sister.

*****

e n t r i e s to this p r o b l e m pity, s i n c e I t h o u g h t it quite an interesting on a n d not t o o d i f f i c u l t . I y o u t h o u g h t a b o u t it, anyway. Here's what I hope m a d e of it.

C o n s i d e r d r a w i n g a line d o w n t h e c e n t r e of t h e table, then, w h e n y o u r o p p o n e n t puts a c o i n d o w n s o m e w h e r e , y o u put y o u r s in e x a c t l y t h e s a m e p o i n t but r e f l e c t e d in the c e n t r e line.

T h i s m e a n s that at a n y point d u r i n g the g a m e the p a t t e r n of c o i n s will b e s y m m e t r i c a r o u n d the c e n t r e line, a n d y o u w i l l a l w a y s b e a b l e to put a coin down opposite your o p p o n e n t ' s c o i n until t h e r e are n o g a p s left.

o o

o

o o o

o

I got e l e v e n e n t r i e s w h i c h w e r e all c o r r e c t s o y o u o b v i o u s l y f o u n d this quite easy. T h e random winner was Richard Squire, Elec E n g 1. Y o u c a n c o l l e c t y o u r £5 p r i z e f r o m the F E L I X o f f i c e after 1 . 3 0 p m M o n d a y .

Pennies W e l l , e v e n w i t h last w e e k ' s c l u e s I still r e c e i v e d n o

o o

o

O b v i o u s l y this only w o r k s if a) y o u r o p p o n e n t n e v e r puts a c o i n on the centre line, a n d , b) y o u r o p p o n e n t g o e s first. T h u s it is not v e r y s a t i s f a c t o r y . T h e next r e f i n e m e n t is to d r a w two perpendicular centre

m a m m o t h work is most w e l c o m e to attend the f o l l o w i n g r e h e a r s a l s : Sunday 23 Feb (Great Hail), 11.0012.30pm, 14.00-15.30, Wednesday 26 Feb (Great Hall) 19.00-20.00pm, Friday 28 February (Great Hall) 17.15-18.15pm C o n c e r t 20.00pm.

• T h e Fourth Day of the week on 301/999 y o u r first level M u s i c P r o g r a m m e gives y o u Z e r r a 1, w h o ?

L i s t e n 6-8.00pm S a t u r d a y .

• T w o brewery trips next week. S e e diary for details.

negotiable.

•Situations vacant H a v e y o u got w h a t it takes to run C i t y a n d G u i l d s U n i o n next year? P a p e r s up M o n d a y .

ACCOMMODATION •Single room in immaculate flat.

Available N O W ! G a s Central Heating, television a n d t e l e p h o n e . C o n t a c t R u f u s S h o r t (Elec E n g U G P i g e o n holes) or ring internal 3440.

FOR S A L E •Fender Precision Bass B l a c k , maple neck, D i - m a r z i o p i c k - u p s , b a d a s s bridge, 1971, Very g o o d c o n d i t i o n . £240 I n c l u d i n g flight c a s e . R i n g 373 8399 e v e n i n g s .

WANTED • B a s s player to join two guitarists a n d d r u m m e r to play various c o v e r s a n d o r i g i n a l s , blues, funk, rock a n d bop including, Police, Vapours, John Waite, H u e y L e w i s , Robert Fray, D o n H e n l e y . A i m i n g for gigs f r o m this summer. Own equipment, e n t h u s i a s m , i m a g e a n d talent essential, transport a help, m u s i c r e a d i n g a l s o desirable. Don't waste our time a n d we won't waste y o u r s .

Contact Paul Nailur Physics P G 3 , B l a c k e t t c o s t M E N P Ext 6798 • H a v e you got a projection video s y s t e m or v i d e o m o n i t o r s or k n o w of a n y o n e w h o might have a c c e s s to them? P l e a s e contact M a n T a i T s e u n g IC U n i o n Office. T e r m s

FOUND • A t P I C O C O N belt for light b r o w n raincoat. S e e S F S O C for return.

LOST •Small, silver e n g r a v e d bracelet. If f o u n d , please c o n t a c t J S h e p h e r d B i o c h e m 2.

•Matching Technics Tuner ( S T Z 5 5 L ) a n d C a s s e t t e D e c k (M233x), cassette D e c k D o l b y B / C , d B X metal tape, t u n n e r - q u a r t z lock, 16 presets, a u t o tune. B o t h excellent C o n d i t i o n , o n l y o n e a n d half years o l d . £65 e a c h ono. Contact Phil Sparks through E E

Friday 21 February

l i n e s a n d reflect in b o t h of these,

oo

o o

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t h u s exploiting the c o m p l e t e s y m m e t r y of t h e t a b l e . T h e p r o b l e m h e r e is that t h e c e n t r e p o i n t d o e s not m o v e , s o if y o u r opponent's coin overlaps t h e c e n t r e y o u w o n ' t be a b l e to put y o u r s in t h e r e f l e c t e d p o s i t i o n . S t i l l , this s t r a t e g y a l w a y s w o r k s if y o u g o first ( s i n c e y o u c a n nab the centre position a n d t h e n f o l l o w the o l d s t r a t e g y ) a n d will p r o b a b l y w o r k if y o u g o s e c o n d , a s l o n g as y o u r o p p o n e n t n e v e r p u t s his c o i n o v e r t h e m i d d l e of the t a b l e .

T h i s is as far a s I c o u l d get w i t h t h i s o n e . If this i n s p i r e s y o u to t h i n k of a n y better s t r a t e g i e s , p l e a s e let me know.

Letter racks or p h o n e 01 373 8714 a n d ask for me in Flat B 1 .

•Tickets for P r i n c e s s Ida, Frid a n d Sat. A quality s h o w at an affordable price. T i c k e t s available f r om Level 2, S h e r f i e l d B u i l d i n g at l u n c h t i m e s

S E R V I C I N G * REPAIRS at

RICKY'S GARAGE fPersonal service

guaranteed.)

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ENDSLEIGH INSURANCE SERVICES LIMITED 71 O l d B r o m p t o n R o a d South Kensington London SW7 3JS Telephone 01-589 6783

FELIX

It's almost all in the Mind or The New Highway Code or The New Baby's Names or The New Family Tree

by Robert Dangoor Published by R & D Publishers 20 Queen's Gate Terrace London SW7 5PF Tel: 01-589 4448 To be published 3rd May 1986 Price 50p

H

LAWRENCE Lady Chatterley's Lover

FILM A g n e s of G o d is an e x c e l l e n t film. T h e i n t r o d u c t i o n to the c h a r a c t e r s is indicative of N o r m a n J e n i s o n ' s intelligent c o n t r o l of c h a r a c t e r a n d plot.

M e g Tilly is brilliant as the i n n o c e n t n u n , Sister A g n e s , a c c u s e d of m u r d e r i n g her b a b y .

Her i n t r o d u c t i o n is first t h r o u g h her pure and p i e r c i n g r e l i g i o u s s i n g i n g a n d then visually s h r o u d e d in a heavenly light (one of the m a n y fine e x a m p l e s of p h o t o g r a p h e r S v e n N y k v i s t ' s c o n t r i b u t i o n s ) . T h e protective Mother Superior, A n n Bancroft, is first s e e n d i s d a i n f u l l y o b s e r v i n g the psychiatrist, J a n e F o n d a , a n d then s m i l i n g a w a y a n d c o n f e s s i n g to a f o r m e r s m o k i n g habit in e x c e s s of M s Fonda's 'Two packs a day...unfiltered'. J a n e F o n d a o n c e again plays her u s u a l character, an i n d e p e n d e n t , d e t e r m i n e d w o m a n w h o doesn't get p u s h e d a r o u n d by a n y o n e .

T h e tranquility of the c o n v e n t is shattered first by the c h i l d b i r t h s c r e a m s of A g n e s and then by the s u b s e q u e n t d i s c o v e r y of a s t r a n g l e d b a b y in her l o c k e d r o o m . J a n e F o n d a , Dr L i v i n g s t o n , is a p p o i n t e d by the c o u r t to determine whether A g n e s is mentally fit to stand trial. T h i s then leads her into conflict with the M o t h e r S u p e r i o r w h o resents the p r o b i n g a n d g o d l e s s m e t h o d s of p s y c h i a t r y a n d w h o fears that Dr L i v i n g s t o n ' s investigations will drive A g n e s a w a y f r o m G o d . S h e also c o m e s into conflict with the B i s h o p a n d the court authorities w h o want a q u i c k a n d c l e a n trial a n d w h o a p p e a r to have little s y m p a t h y for A g n e s .

O n e of the great strengths of this film is the ambivalent relationship between the M o t h e r S u p e r i o r and the psychiatrist whose background contains many reasons to resent the o p p r e s s i v e a n d guilt-ridden nature of C a t h o l i c i s m . A n o t h e r strength is the s t u n n i n g p e r f o r m a n c e of M e g Tilly w h o makes a thoroughly convincing a n d w o r r y i n g l y i m p r e s s i v e loony.

S h e is a c o m p l e t e i n n o c e n t

w h o s e early life was severely corrupted and whose education was terminated by her insane mother. S h e has little k n o w l e d g e of body d e v e l o p m e n t a n d regards the growth of breasts as a t e n d e n c y to flab and that this s h o u l d be c o m b a t t e d by starving herself to the t h i n n e s s that s h e sees in all the r e l i g i o u s i c o n s a r o u n d her. S h e has c o m e to believe that 'suffering is beautiful' and that ' G o d hates fat people'. Her i n n o c e n c e a l s o leads her to believe very p e c u l i a r things about the o r i g i n s of babies. T h e d i r e c t i o n by N o r m a n J e n i s o n is s i m p l e and uncluttered but yet very skilled with s o m e w o n d e r f u l set p i e c e s s u c h as the hy|. .osis s c e n e with the ever present o p p r e s s i v e C a t h o l i c i s m s y m b o l i s e d by the large c r o s s a b o v e A g n e s . It is p r o b a b l y the best film s o far this year, a n d p r o b a b l y o n e of the best of the year.

O n a c o m p l e t e l y different tack is another film to c o m e out this week, C o m m a n d o . In spite of e n d i n g with 'o' like M a c h o or R a m b o it is a g o o d film. What saves it from being the s t a n d a r d m a c h o military m a c h i n e against the evil t h o u s a n d s is the strength of the female c h a r a c t e r s . T h e y are there not s i m p l y as sex or love interests or merely to be r e s c u e d or a v e n g e d for, but are s t r o n g c a p a b l e c h a r a c t e r s essential to the d e v e l o p m e n t of the plot. T h e other strong point in this film's favour is it's s e n s e of h u m o u r ; it is deliberately very f u n n y in parts.

C o l o n e l J o h n Matrix, A r n o l d S c h w a r z e n e g g e r , is the f o r m e r leader of an elite military s q u a d w h o were instrumental in d e p o s i n g an evil dictator a n d installing a d e m o c r a t i c g o v e r n m e n t in a S o u t h A m e r i c a n country. T h e a f o r e m e n t i o n e d dictator then c o n s p i r e s to k i d n a p Matrix's d a u g h t e r in o r d e r to

p e r s u a d e him to assist the dictator regain power. Of c o u r s e A r n o l d is having n o n e of this....

T h e h u m o u r in the film is largely i n t r o d u c e d t h r o u g h the w o n d e r f u l Rae D a w n C h o n g w h o plays a stewardess , initially an u n w i l l i n g , but finally a useful and resourceful ally t o - A r n o l d .

S h e is not only very witty but also intelligent a n d c a p a b l e , i n c l u d i n g saving his life.

T h e e n d i n g is the u s u a l o n e man against i m p o s s i b l e o d d s , but the film d o e s at least take time to develop a n o t h e r side to Matrix's character, that of the loving father, and this is d o n e pretty well by A r n o l d . A further plus for the film is the lack of politics, the b a d d i e s are not bad b e c a u s e they have the w r o n g i d e o l o g y but b e c a u s e they have d e c i d e l y anti-social habits.

A n y w a y , I enjoyed it.

T h i s is a g o o d week for films.

A n o t h e r film that o p e n e d recently is the a s t o n i s h i n g Streetwise, a d o c u m e n t a r y about kids living on the streets of Seattle, G a t e w a y to A l a s k a . If y o u didn't see it for yourself y o u w o u l d find the situation these c h i l d r e n are in w h o l l y unbelievable.

T h e d o c u m e n t a r y reveals s o m e incredible attitudes a m o n g s t the kids for their parents, 'They're part of my past' K i m , 16, a n d the parents for their kids. 'It's a phase she's g o i n g t h r o u g h ' says a mother about her prostitute daughter w h o is p i c k i n g up clients before her first period.

T h e film c o n t a i n s s o m e great m u s i c (though not e n o u g h ) by T o m Waits and a w o n d e r f u l version of ' T e d d y B e a r s P i c n i c '

by B a b y G r a m p s . T h o u g h the film is o p e n to the well f o u n d e d c h a r g e of v o y e u r i s m , it is m a d e with honesty and s y m p a t h y a n d the presentation of the material (92 minutes from 56 hour s of film and 26 hours of interviews) s h o w s a genuin e c o n c e r n for the plight of the c h i l d r e n , a n d is a credit to the c a m e r a m a n , director Martin Bell and editor N a n c y Baker.

It is always c o m p e l l i n g , s o m e t i m e s funny a n d s o m e t i m e s tearfully poignant, take a d e e p breath a n d go and see it.

0

'Fancy a Quickie?'

'How much luv?' '£2.95' B e i n g given a c o p y of L a d y C h a t t e r l e y ' s L o v e r for

Valentines

Day, I d e c i d e d to review it for all y o u love/lust (delete as a p p l i c a b l e ) h u n g r y IC students.

It really is r e m a r k a b l e how by defying convention a mediocre b o o k s u c h as this receives the a d u l a t i o n worthy of a work of g e n i u s — w h i c h it certainly isn't.

P e r h a p s his early death gave him his m y s t i c a l popularity.

T h e story is about the aristocratic C o n s t a n c e having an affair with M e l l o r s , her d i s a b l e d h u s b a n d ' s g a m e k e e p e r , getting pregnant a n d leaving her stately h o m e . T h i s is all fairly predictable but doesn't quite c o m e off e s p e c i a l l y at the end w h e n the plot t e l e s c o p e s s o m e w h a t — i n fact the book is d o w n r i g h t b o r i n g , des pit e the relatively rare 'juicy bits' that g e n e r a t i o n s of v o y e u r s have r u m m a g e d for.

T h r o u g h o u t this b o o k I had the i m p r e s s i o n that D H L a w r e n c e w a s a m i s o g y n i s t of the highest c a l i b r e — w o m e n s h o u l d be seen a n d not h e a r d , a n d certainly not have an o r g a s m unles s their (male) s e x u a l partner is having o n e at the s a m e time. Whatever the d u b i o u s w i s d o m of two peopl e w h o hardly knew e a c h other having sex, ' L a d y C h a t t e r l e y ' s h o w e d w o m e n as primarily for mens' gratification, w h i c h reveals him to be as narrow m i n d e d as the s o - c a l l e d Victorian prudes.

/

F r i d a y 21 F e b r u a r y

It's late in the year, a n d there's no grant left, but c o l l e g e f o o d is inedible and the k i t c h e n s c o v e r e d in g r e a s e a n d m o v i n g fur balls. S o l u t i o n — t a k e the bank m a n a g e r out for a meal at Le B i s t i n g o and let h e r / h i m pay.

U n l i k e the S t o c k p o t (behind Harrods) or the Kwality C u r r y H o u s e (near S o u t h K e n station), Le B i s t i n g o isn't the c h e a p e s t of nutrient retail b u s i n e s s e s . Its about £10-£15 per head but y o u get what y o u pay for, w h i c h c a n be 3/4 c o u r s e s of exquisit e F r e n c h food plus w i n e — a n d the portions aren't m i n g y either.

O n my last visit my partner and I t u c k e d into fried m u s h r o o m s — d e l i c i o u s l y light a n d c r i s p with a s h a r p tartare s a u c e , then I f o l l o w e d with an o v e r c o o k e d d u c k with o r a n g e s a u c e — t h e only blight on the meal, while my friend ate a s m a l l veal e s c a l o p e . O n a p r e v i o u s o c c a s i o n I e n j o y e d a large d i s h of B o e u f B o u r g u i g n o n (fancy stew a n d rice) w h i c h w a s very tasty. W e didn't f a n c y a n y t h i n g on the sweet trolley, but the large g l a s s e s of ice c r e a m , nuts and c h o c o l a t e we f i n i s h e d with were a fitting c o m p l e m e n t to the meal.

L e B i s t i n g o has a s m a l l s e l e c t i o n of fairly g o o d w i n e s — t h e h o u s e white at £3.95 a bottle was c r i s p a n d kind to the palate, a n d the service was u n o b t r u s i v e and friendly. Y o u c a n find this pleasant little d e n , w h i c h is very r o m a n t i c with flowers a n d c a n d l e s o n t h e tables, on O l d B r o m p t o n R o a d , just S o u t h of S o u t h K e n s i n g t o n Station.

Barclays: At a recent U G M , a motion on Barclays was due to be debated before a quorum was called. Sean Dunlop and Hugh Rubin look at the reasons why Barclays should be boycotted.

In S o u t h A f r i c a , a c o u n t r y is n o t d u e s o l e l y to t h e of e n o r m o u s n a t u r a l massive repression by the wealth, most black people security forces; live in c o n d i t i o n s of multinational corporations extreme poverty, while the and especially the small white population international banks, also e n j o y s o n e of t h e h i g h e s t h a v e t h e i r part t o p l a y . l i v i n g s t a n d a r d s in t h e Several British banks play w o r l d . In a l l w a l k s of l i f e a n i m p o r t a n t part in t h i s , housing, education, health, especially Barclays, a n d the etc the facilities available t o merchant bank Standard black South Africans are Chartered (although v a s t l y i n f e r i o r to t h o s e B a r c l a y s has by far the enjoyed by their white b i g g e s t s t a k e of t h e t w o ) . countrymen.

B a r c l a y s is t h e o n l y B r i t i s h H i g h Street bank with a T h i s i n j u s t i c e is p o s s i b l e m a j o r s t a k e in S o u t h A f r i c a . because black South B a r c l a y s , v i a its S o u t h A f r i c a n s are d e n i e d all African subsidiary Barclays political rights a n d power.

N a t i o n a l , c o n t r o l s 3 0 % of Their organsations are all b a n k i n g in S o u t h A f r i c a , o u t l a w e d , their protest a n d is t h e l a r g e s t s i n g l e brutally s u p p r e s s e d , a n d bank there—its assets their leaders i m p r i s o n e d , c o m e to a staggering £6 tortured and occasionally billion, including over £145 murdered by the security m i l l i o n in g o v e r n m e n t forces. T h e apartheid securities system has been T h e b a n k h a s t a k e n part c o n d e m n e d by the United in m a s s i v e l o a n s to t h e Nations as a 'Crime against South African government humanity'. a n d to state c o r p o r a t i o n s In t h e p r e s e n t 'state of i n c l u d i n g , in 1980, a £ 2 8 0 m emergency', over 900 l o a n to E S C O M , t h e state p e o p l e h a v e d i e d , t h e vast electricity corporation, majority killed by poi.~e which has recently a n d a r m y . O v e r 15,000 c o n s t r u c t e d a £560 million people were detained nuclear power station. w i t h o u t trial; u p to 8 0 % of In 1976, B a r c l a y s w h o m a r e b e l i e v e d to h a v e p u r c h a s e d £ 6 m i l l i o n of been subjected to physical Government Defence o r p s y c h o l o g i c a l t o r t u r e . In Bonds, thereby directly N a m i b i a , w h i c h is i l l e g a l l y supporting the South o c c u p i e d by S o u t h Africa, African armed forces, t h e p r a c t i c e of t o r t u r e b y a l t h o u g h it w a s f o r c e d t o t h e 100,000 s t r o n g S o u t h s e l l t h e m a y e a r later after A f r i c a n a r m y of o c c u p a t i o n an international outcry. o n p r i s o n e r s is a l s o T h i s is not t h e o n l y link widespread. that B a r c l a y s h a s h a d with T h e s u r v i v a l of a p a r t h e i d

T

L E <

<£l~L.

"Why does a National Serviceman need a bank?"

the S o u t h A f r i c a n Military:U n t i l it w a s d i s b a n d e d in 1982, t h e C h a i r m a n of Barclays National was a m e m b e r of t h e S o u t h African Defence Advisory Board, which advised the armed forces on arms procurement. T h e bank has also helped finance arms sales to South Africa, although the bank says unknowingly.

Although South Africa's c o n t i n u e d o c c u p a t i o n s of N a m i b i a is i l l e g a l ( a c c o r d i n g to t h e U N a n d the I n t e r n a t i o n a l C o u r t ) , B a r c l a y s d i s p l a y s its a c c e p t a n c e of t h e occupation by operating t h e r e ; In fact B a r c l a y s c o n t r o l s half of a l l b a n k d e p o s i t s t a k e n in N a m i b i a .

F r o m this central role in t h e Namibian economy, B a r c l a y s p l a y s a k e y part in c h a n n e l l i n g profits from the c o u n t r y to S o u t h A f r i c a - i n 1978 B a r c l a y s d i r e c t e d 1 8 % of its d e p o s i t s t a k e n in N a m i b i a there.

B a r c l a y s i n s i s t s that its c o n t i n u e d p r e s e n c e in S o u t h e r n A f r i c a is a liberalising influence on the aparteid regime, a n d is b e n e f i c i a l to t h e b l a c k community. However, the bank receives more money from the black c o m m u n i t y t h a n is r e t u r n e d t o it in t h e f o r m of l o a n s o r investments; thereby reinforcing the e c o n o m i c b a r r i e r that a p a r t h e i d effects. A l s o , a poll c o n d u c t e d b y G a l l u p last s u m m e r f o u n d that 7 % of black South Africans supported international s a n c t i o n s against their country.

In 1 9 8 1 , B a r c l a y s w a s n a m e d b y t h e U N a s o n e of the m a i n m u l t i n a t i o n a l s making a 'substantial c o n t r i b u t i o n to a p a r t h e i d ' .

B e c a u s e of its i n v o l v e m e n t in S o u t h Africa, Barclays has been banned from many university c a m p u s e s .

However, o n several o c c a s i o n s last y e a r (in F E L I X , the I C U H a n d b o o k and P H O E N I X ) I C U printed full p a g e a d v e r t s f o r B a r c l a y s Bank. W e think I C students s h o u l d be discouraged from opening a c c o u n t s with a bank w h i c h is s u p p o r t i n g , f i n a n c a l l y , a country whose constitution is b a s e d o n a s y s t e m of institutionalised racism. F o r those reason, a motion c a l l i n g o n t h e U n i o n to c e a s e t o print a d v e r t s f o r Barclays Bank has been s u b m i t t e d f o r d i s c u s s i o n at the U G M o n 6 M a r c h . W e h o p e y o u will c o m e a n d support the motion.

YOU

OF

HAIRMAN

Friday 21 February

FELIX

Boat Club L a s t S a t u r d a y s a w the B o a t C l u b r a c i n g for the first t i m e this y e a r in o p e n competition. IC had eight c r e w s e n t e r e d in the H e n l e y H e a d s of t h e R i v e r in a field of 160.

B o t h the elite c o x e d a n d senior coxless fours won their d i v i s i o n s by impressive margins and came s e c o n d and third respectively overall, losing o n l y to t h e elite l e a u d e r c o x l e s s four. A l t h o u g h t h o s e w e r e the o n l y t w o w i n s of t h e d a y f o r IC, t h e other crews c a m e well up in the r a n k i n g . T h e t w o senior B coxless fours c a m e s e c o n d a n d f o u r t h in their d i v i s i o n , the faster c r e w o n l y l o s i n g by t w o seconds. The senior C c o x e d f o u r c a m e e i g h t h in their d i v i s i o n , w o n b y K j n g s College, London.

The Novice squad who o n l y b e g a n r o w i n g this year, entered two fours and came second and seventh in their d i v i s i o n , the ' A ' c r e w o n l y l o s i n g by s e v e n s e c o n d s to a c r e w in a far s u p e r i o r boa t a n d after b e i n g h e l d u p by a n o t h e r boat. T h e w o m e n s ' n o v i c e c o x e d four, a g a i n r a c i n g in o p e n c o m p e t i t i o n for the first time, c a m e f o u r t h .

T h e s e r e s u l t s are v e r y e n c o u r a g i n g f o r the f u t u r e , e s p e c i a l l y a s the t o p t w o c r e w s n o w c o m b i n e to f o r m the first VIII, g o i n g o n to r a c e the l i k e s of O x f o r d and Cambridge.

Biochem Soc A f t e r a t e r m of c l a n d e s t i n e m e e t i n g s in s e e d y c a f e s . A t e r m of g a t h e r i n g u n d e r h a z y e l e c t r i c light r e f l e c t e d from yellowing wallpaper.

Tired fanatics pass briefly on frosty station platforms to h a n d o v e r g r u b b y messages.

W h o are t h e s e p e o p l e ?

W h a t is this s t r a n g e underground society? Well the time has c o m e for the truth to b e b r o u g h t to light.

T h e Imperial C o l l e g e Biochemical Society ( p r e v i o u s l y k n o w n a s the Biochemistry Liberation Front) p r o u d l y a n d l o u d l y p r e s e n t s its l e c t u r e of t h e y e a r , k i n d l y s p o n s o r e d by the B i o c h e m i c a l S o c i e t y , is to be h e l d in the P i p p a r d Lecture Theatre on T h u r s d a y F e b 27 at 1.00pm a n d is entitled ' P h e r e m o n e s a n d H u m a n I n t e r a c t i o n ' . It wil l a d d a w h o l e n e w FELIX

m e a n i n g to y o u r i d e a s of body language and perhaps e x p l a i n t h e m y s t e r y of w h y s o m e people wear Brut 33!

S o f o r t h o s e of y o u w h o h a v e m i s s e d out o n o u r e v e n t s s o far b e t h e r e , f o r this o n e (no s e c r e t h a n d shakes necessary).

Cycling Club O K then, where were you all last S u n d a y ? In b e d p r o b a b l y . T h r e e p e o p l e met at 1 0 . 0 0 a m for the w e e k l y C y c l i n g C l u b S u n d a y run, a n d we d e c i d e d u n a n i m o u s l y to z i p d o w n the A 3 . Off w e set, d i d w e h a v e a h e a d w i n d ? It c e r t a i n l y felt like t h e w i n d w a s a g a i n s t us but w e n e v e r t h e l e s s m a n a g e d to k e e p u p a fair p a c e . T h e o r i g i n a l p l a n w a s to p a y the i n h a b i t a n t s of D o r k i n g a s h o r t visit, but after w e m i s s e d the t u r n i n g , w e e n d e d u p in G u i l d f o r d where Mars Bars and C o k e w e r e t h e o r d e r of the d a y .

T h e trip b a c k w a s d i f f i c u l t , as w e f o u n d out that w e w e r e n o w c y c l i n g into a fairly s t r o n g w i n d â&#x20AC;&#x201D; w e h a d the w i n d b e h i n d us o n t h e w a y t her e ! H o w e v e r , w e still a r r i v e d b a c k in S o u t h K e n s i n g t o n just after 2.00pm.

C o m e o n all y o u c y c l i s t s !

M a k e 10.00am next S u n d a y a d a t e for a c y c l e ride its not that e a r l y , a n d a n y w a y the f r e s h air is c e r t a i n to w a k e y o u up pretty q u i c k l y .

P S M a y 24th is a date to k e e p free for the B i c y c l e B e l l e - a d e l i g h t f u l trip through the C o t s w o l d s with a massive tea afterwards.

For more details turn up on T h u r s d a y , 12.30, S o u t h s i d e Upper Lounge.

Guilds O n M o n d a y p a p e r s g o up for e l e c t i o n s to t h e C i t y and Guilds Union E x e c u t i v e . T h e r e are a n u m b e r of e x c i t i n g , challenging, satisfying jobs f o r c a n d i d a t e s of the r i g h t calibre. These include:President M a s t e r of traditional U n i o n activities s h r o u d e d in m y s t i c i s m since time immemorial.

Hon Secretary I n c r e d i b l y important person w h o does s o m u c h , s p e c i a l i s e s in Freshers dinners.

Academic Affairs Officer Wears smart suits a n d k n o w s all the i m p o r t a n t p e o p l e in C o l l e g e ; S i t s o n lots of c o m m i t t e e s .

Entertainment Officer M a s t e r m i n d s the G u i l d s

Ents organisation, carnivals, balls, cocktail parties, Entertainments with style.

Publicity Officer S o m e b o d y has to tell t h e p e o p l e !

C o n t r o l s the G u i l d s Print Unit.

Old Centralians Representative L i a s e s w i t h past s t u d e n t s a n d m e e t s lots of p e o p l e w h o h a v e g o n e t h r o u g h IC a n d lived to tell the tale.

P a p e r s are d o w n o n t h e 28th F e b D o n ' t b e put off if y o u ' v e not h a d m u c h e x p e r i e n c e in G u i l d s . Y o u c o u l d be t h e o n e for t h e j o b . C o m e to the o f f i c e a n d f i n d out.

S&G I h a v e w r i t t e n this a r t i c l e b e c a u s e the p a p e r h a s been decidedly weak on S & G trips recently. S o for all y o u p o o r s t u d e n t s out there c o o p e d up in b e d s i t s a n d flats s t u d i o u s l y p u t t i n g y o u r all into y o u r w o r k h e r e ' s a b r e a t h of t h e S n o w d o n i a air. Y e t a n o t h e r g l i m p s e of that w o n d e r f u l f r e e d o m that e v e r y o n e w h o h a s a s t o u t pair of l e g s , waterproof clothing, strong boots, a map, torch and c o m p a s s a n d t h e will to get a w a y f r o m it all c a n experience.

Unfortunately S n o w d o n i a t r i p s w i t h S & G a l w a y s fall into t h e s a m e p a t t e r n , a n d after 3 y e a r s , its b e c o m i n g a bit b o r i n g . First o n Saturday there's a c r o w d r e a d y to a t t e m p t the S n o w d o n horsehose, seven of t h e finest u p l a n d m i l e s in Great Britain, wonderful scenery and a truly e n j o y a b l e w a l k , but is it still enjoyable when everyone g o e s f o r it e v e r y t i m e ? I k n o w I don't enjoy c r o w d s , especially on Crib G o c h w h e n half of t h e m are coming towards you. The knife e d g e b e c o m e s tricky t h e n , s o as h a p p e n s m o s t years a small contingent ( a b o u t 12 of us, f o r t y w e r e o n the trip), h e a d e d for T r y f a n a n d the G l y d y r s .

A g a i n an enjoyable s c r a m b l e with s o m e g o o d walking. This time though the w e a t h e r w a s a g a i n s t us, t o o w i n d y b y half a n d dangerous as Tryfan was c o v e r e d in i c e . N i n e of u s c a m e d o w n after g e t t i n g t h r e e q u a r t e r s of the w a y u p , a p p r o x i m a t e l y 2700 feet above s e a level. We had t a k e n the N o r t h r i d g e but f o u n d it t o o icy n e a r e r t h e t o p . In y e a r s past Saturdays g r o u p s have headed for the C a r n e d d s ( K e v i n a n d P e t e in 1985) but I h a v e n e v e r h e a r d of

Friday 21 February

a n y o n e g o i n g for M o e l S i a b o d (2860) G R 7 0 8 5 4 5 , E l i d i r F a w r (3030) G R 612613, C a r n e d d y Fihusb (2695) G R 621 628, M y r n y d d P e r f e d d (2665) D R 6 2 3 618, F o e l - y o c h (2727) G R 6 2 8 6 1 1 , Y F o e l goeh (Moel-y-Caseg) (2636) G R 582 678, G a i t y O g o f (2499) G R 587686 I k n o w t h e y a r e l o w e r but t h e y ' r e but t h e y ' r e ideal in w o r s e / b a d weather.

A t t e m p t s c o u l d be m a d e for P e n yr H e l g i - d u (2622) G R 726626. C o m e o n S & G widen your experience, d o n t just rely s o l e y o n tradition.

It's g o o d f u n a n d m o s t p e o p l e e n j o y it. C o m e o n , liven it u p . D o s o m e m o r e e x p l o r i n g , g i v e it a try!

id F i r m l y c l u t c h i n g his l o o f a h , the w r i t e r w o n d e r e d w h a t to d o next. H e k n e w what he w o u l d like to d o next.

But, he m u s e d , it w a s p r o b a b l y illega l a n d a n y w a y the nearest farm was miles away. His early m o r n i n g reverie w a s d i s t u r b e d by a stoat f l y i n g in t h r o u g h the b a t h r o o m w i n d o w and stricking him c i a r p l y on the c r a n i u m .

R e t r i e v i n g the unfortunately beast from the w a s h b a s i n , the w r i t e r f o u n d a n o t e tied a r o u n d its n e c k . Written in g r e e n c r a y o n , the n o t e r e a d as follows: K U M T O T H E NECKST QT MEATING OR I'LL K I K Y O R H E D I N N ' S o m e of the w r i t i n g w a s joined up, he noted a p p r a i s i n g l y , that m u s t have t a k e n t h e C h a i r m a n hours.

A r r i v i n g at t h e m e e t i n g e a r l y , the w r i t e r w a s met by the irate c h a i r m a n . T h e latter w a s , a s a l w a y s , immaculately dressed, s p o r t i n g a t h r e e p i e c e suit of finest red s t r i p e d w a l l p a p e r , c o m p l e t e with matching chequebook.

'Now look', b e g a n the c h a i r m a n , 'you have missed three m e e t i n g s in a r o w .

A n y m o r e of this absenteeism and I shall h a v e to t a k e a w a y y o u r executive perks.'

S u c h a s ? ' I n q u i r e d the writer. ' U s e of the e x e c u t i v e a s h t r a y ' s n a p p e d the chairman, who frequently s n a p p e d u n d e r p r e s s u r e . At this the w r i t e r b e c a m e p a l e and silent, a n d listened attentively w h i l e t h e g r o u p planned an a r s o n attack on the A l b e r t H a l l 'just for a laff. T h e following m o r n i n g the stoat r e g i s t e r e d with BUPA. 11

Indoor Cricket T h e d a y started b l e a k l y at ' 5 . 0 0 a m at Beit a n d c o n t i n u e d right up to the e n d of the d a y at 8.30pm outside Aero. The days events w e r e d o m i n a t e d by the v a n . S o m e inconsiderate and probably pissed Bastard from C & G h a d c h u n d e r e d in the van a n d it stank. T h e j o u r n e y to B r u n e i was not b a d , the r o a d s were c l e a r but C a p t B r i d g e r ' s d r i v i n g left . s o m e t h i n g to be d e s i r e d .

D u e to s o m e e x c e l l e n t n a v i g a t i o n by Le P o i s s o n we arrived half an h o u r early a n d p i c k e d o u r 7th man up f r o m U x b r i d g e station before r e t u r n i n g to the g r o u n d . It took the u m p i r e s a b o u t 45 m i n u t e s to fix the p i t c h b e f o r e we took o n the p r o f e s s i o n a l Brunei side. Capt Bridger batted well in the f a c e of tight b o w l i n g a n d f i e l d i n g to return with 25. K i n g a n d D e v o n w e r e out q u i c k l y then T u r n e r a n d W r i g h t batted well as d i d B r i d g e r o n his return. H a m m e r w a s run out w i t h o u t f a c i n g as IC c l o s e d on 125 for 5 f r o m 12 overs. T h e b o w l i n g d i d not m a t c h up to the batting as B r u n e i k n o c k e d the runs off for the l o s s of two w i c k e t s with an over to s p a r e . H a m m e r b e i n g the o n l y b o w l e r to c o m e out with a n y credit as he b o w l e d his 3 overs for o n l y 16 runs. After a q u i c k visit to P i z z a Hut in U x b r i d g e , we w a t c h e d B r u n e i paste East A n g l i a . W e t h e n t o o k o n S u r r e y . T h e early b o w l i n g of W r i g h t a n d D e v o n restricted S u r r e y but later on with s o m e s m i l i n g t h e y s c o r e d freely a g a i n s t Bridger and Turner, so c l o s e on 112 for 4 f r o m 12 o v e r s . IC r e s p o n d e d in fine f a s h i o n with F ish a n d D e v o n s t r i k i n g the ball well with F i s h s c o r i n g the fastest 25 of the d a y f r o m o n l y 11 balls in 3 o v e r s i n c l u d i n g a 6. In the m i d d l e IC c r u m b l e d a bit with Devon, King and Turner getting out in q u i c k succession. Bridger and W r i g h t then took the s c o r e to 102 with 10 n e e d e d f r o m 2 o v e r s . B r i d g e r was run out f o l l o w e d by W r i g h t w h o stood and watched when he s h o u l d have r u n . T h i s left F i s h to s c o r e 7 o n his own. A 3 followed a 2 and with 3 b a l l s to g o he was run out l e a v i n g S u r r e y w i n n e r s by 2 runs. B r u n e i 12

Cricket UAU Indoor

Competition

IC v Brunei IC 125 for 5 (72 overs) (Bridger 3 r u n e l 127 for 2 (77.5 overs) Brunei won by 4 wickets

52, Wright 26, Turner 27 not

out)

v Surrey Surrey 112 for 4 (72 overs) ' IC 110 all out (11.3 overs) (Fish 31, Bridger Surrey won by 2 runs

23, Dewan

20)

IC v Univ East Anglia IC 55 all out 6.2 overs) (Dewan 17) U E A 56 for 4 (8 overs) (Dewan 2 for 12) UEA won by 2 wickets

Rowing Henley Fours

Head

Crew Elite 4 Senior A 4 S e n i o r B 4 - (A Crew) Senior B 4 - (B Crew) Novice 4 W o m e n ' s N o v i c e 4^-

Division Position Overall 1st 2nd 1st 3rd 2nd 11th 3rd 2nd

pasted S u r r e y a n d IC vs U E A w a s just a c a d e m i c . IC reversed the o r d e r a n d failed b a d l y to get all out for 55. U E A w e r e in s o m e difficulty at 20 for 3 but then they s c o r e d 18 ( i n c l u d i n g ) 2 s i x e s in the o n l y over f r o m Le P o i s s o n a n d then they w o n by 2 w i c k e t s . A l l o n e h o p e s for is that we play far better o u s i d e in the S u m m e r U A U games.

Team: Dave Bridger, Tim Harmer, Lionel King, Rajiev Dewan, Andy Wright, Sean Turner and Gareth Fish and thanks to Julie Davies (the Capt wife) for scoring and looking after us.

Water polo F o l l o w i n g a s l o w start to the new y ea r the w a t e r p o l o s q u a d had b e g u n to r e d i s c o v e r s o m e of the s k i l l s that took t h e m to the U A U F i n a l s to be held at S h r e w s b u r y at the e n d of the m o n t h .

A n e a r l y defeat by a s t r o n g e r heavy s i d e that lost to Imperial last term d i d n o t h i n g for o u r m o r a l e a n d the a b s e n c e of t w o key p l a y e r s didn't help. After two matches were c a n c e l l e d d u e to o p p o s i t i o n

Wednesday Results Hockey ULU League RSM IC Football ULU League IC iC RSM Upper Reserves IC

1sts 1 Ists 2

Cup

1sts 3 2nds 1 Ists 4 Semi-Final 4ths 2

RCS QMC

ISts 2 1sts 2

QMC St M a r y s IC

Ists 3 1sts 1 3rds 0

UC

3rds 3

Thursday February 27th Inter C C U Swimming Gala/Waterpolo 6.30pm IC Sports Centre C o m e and have fun, whether getting wet or supporting.

Prizes and 'refreshments' afterwards Interested? Then contact: Jane Ryder Physics 3 for R C S Nigel Owen Room G13a for Mines Clare Lupton ME1 for Guilds Friday 21 February

p u l l i n g out at the last moment a s u b d u e d team r e c o r d e d their first w i n of 1986 in a difficult m a t c h a g a i n s t the W o m e n s National League champions Potters B a r L a d i e s .

T h e return of A n d y L a n g m a n to m i d f i e l d t o l d in our following match against S e l w o r t h w h i c h Imperial w o n 10-7. A l t h o u g h still not 100% fit our p l a y e r s c o n t r o l l e d m o s t of t h e p o s s e s s i o n d u r i n g the game. However defensive e r r o r s a l l o w e d several g o a l s a g a i n s t us, m i s t a k e s w h i c h w e r e not in e v i d e n c e in D e c e m b e r w h e n Imperial's m a r k i n g w a s m a d e tighter.

Last F r i d a y s a w the return of S t e v e D a v i s after p r o t r a c t e d g l a n d u l a r fever a n d his t w o g o a l s e a r l y in the first q u a r t e r c o n t r i b u t e d to o u r u n f o r t u n a t e w i n a g a i n s t a less fit A v o n d a l e s i d e . A l t h o u g h the g a m e was quite s l o w p a c e d Imperial's d e f e n c e s e e m e d m u c h s a f e r with stalwort work from J o h n s t o n and Eastman. Passing also was quicker and more accurate in the m i d f i e l d with g o o d work in p a r t i c u l a r f r o m Pau l R i c h a r d s o n a l t h o u g h he still c o u l d use faster a n d more accurate service from his w i n g e r s W i l l i a m s a n d Ireland.

Cross Country T h e latest L o n d o n C o l l e g e s L e a g u e race w a s h e l d on a b u i l d i n g site s o m e w h e r e near S u r r e y U n i v e r s i t y .

Having home advantage, S u r r e y m a n a g e d to run out their stars, a n d h e n c e c l o s e d the g a p o n us at the top of the L e a g u e . T h i s w a s d e s p i t e a g o o d run by B r y a n G a m b l i n , e x c e l l i n g in his natural habitat of k n e e deep mud.

K e e l e was this y e a r ' s v e n u e for the B S S F C h a m p i o n s h i p s . The team arrived m o r e or less intact d u e to the e x c e l l e n t d r i v i n g of J o n , 'was that a b r i d g e ' L e a . IC p r o v i d e d half the L o n d o n University team, which finished a creditable 5th in B U S F , w h i l e the c o l l e g e t e a m c a m e 15th in U A U , b o o s t e d by a rare a p p e a r e n c e of little M i k e (is that the right w a y r o u n d ? ) Ball. Further entertainment w a s p r o v i d e d on the return journey when a new m e t h o d of w i n d s c r e e n c l e a n i n g (or w a s it a novel t y p e of c i r c u i t training) w a s tried by h i s h o l i n e s s P o p e John.

FELIX

Five-a-side A l t h o u g h reeling from sensational tabloid d i s c l o s u r e s a l l e g i n g that f o u r of the IC s q u a d h a d b e e n f o u n d v a n q u i s h i n g in the gutter o u t s i d e D u r h a m ' s trendiest night-club, c o a c h Rob Clarke's footballing elite still m a n a g e d to s t u m b l e their w a y to the s e m i - f i n a l s of last S u n d a y ' s tournament, before a d m i t t i n g defeat in o r d e r to c a t c h the last train h o m e .

H a n g o v e r s w e r e lifted ear l y o n as D a v e L y n n e m a i n t a i n i n g a s c o r i n g run w h i c h had b e g u n the . p r e v i o u s night, put IC a h e a d in the o p e n i n g g r o u p g a m e v B r a d f o r d . H o p e s of a g o o d start w e r e d a s h e d , however when Bradford e q u a l i s e d with t h e last k i c k of the g a m e ; the h e a d a c h e s a n d dry m o u t h s s o o n returned.

U W I S T proved a tough nut to c r a c k in the s e c o n d g a m e , as c h a n c e s c a m e and went, a n d another s t a l e m a t e s e e m e d likely when tragedy struck.

Engberg was harshly a d j u d g e d to h a v e e n c r o a c h e d into his o w n area, a n d the resultant penalty, clinically d e s p a t c h e d , p l u n g e d IC d e e p into a c r i s i s .

F e a r i n g his j o b w a s o n the line, R o b C l a r k e pressed the panic button a n d r a n g the c h a n g e s , dropping top-scorer Lynne a n d the e v e r - p o p u l a r but s t r a n g e l y l e g - w e a r y (?!)

G o l d s w o r t h y f o r the final g r o u p match. His controversial moves looked to be v i n d i c a t e d w h e n A l e x L u n g h i fired h o m e a b e a u t y o n l y for the p r e s s u r e s of m a n a g e m e n t to return a s Nottingham equalised a g a i n s t the run of p l a y .

W i t h the title s l i p p i n g a w a y , IC's travelling support t u r n e d s p i t e f u l l y o n the beleagured Clarke, and c a l l s for his h e a d g r e w deafening. Engberg r e a l i s i n g his m a n a g e r s ' d e s p e r a t e plight, b l u d g e o n e d his w a y through three tackles, a n d with the referee's whistle p o i s e d for a c t i o n , c r a s h e d the ball into the roof of t h e net for a s e n s a t i o n a l winner.

Sneaking through one goal difference, IC were p a i r e d with B i r m i n g h a m in the q u a r t e r - f i n a l s . A n a s h e n f a c e d B a r n e s kept h i s p l a c e , m u c h to the d i s g u s t of the still a x e d Goldsworthy, although L y n n e w a s r e s t o r e d to a d d some much needed charm to the f r o n t line. T w o q u i c k g o a l s f r o m o u r latter d a y R o m e o k i l l e d the tie a s a spectacle and the entertainment value was not a i d e d by t h e 2 n d half a p p e a r a n c e of s t o p p e r C l a r k e in o r d e r to pr ot ec t the p r e c i o u s l e a d . W i t h only home favourites Durham now standing b e t w e e n IC a n d a c o v e t e d final s p o t , the talk w a s of glory and medals and beer until it w a s d i s c o v e r e d that another win would mean a n i g h t o n the s n o w - c o v e r e d c o b b l e s of T y n e s i d e .

C o m m o n sense prevailed a n d the O x b r i d g e rejects w e r e gifted a c o u p l e of simple strikes, thereby h a n d i n g L o u g h b o r o u g h an e a s i e r t h a n e x p e c t e d ride in the f i n a l . T h e S p o r t s scientists were no doubt r e l i e v e d that t h e i r m o s t dangerous opponents had

by that t i m e b o a r d e d the 6.37 to L o n d o n K i n g ' s C r o s s , s a f e in tne k n o w l e d g e that t h e i n h a b i t a n t s of D u r h a m w e r e g l a d to s e e t h e b a c k of them.

:

1

o

Boat Henley Fours Head Imperial C o l l e g e B o a t C l u b p i c k e d up another two w i n s at t h e w e e k e n d a n d w e r e c l o s e to w i n n i n g s e v e r a l o t h e r d i v i s i o n s . T h e Elite c o x e d four having broken their fin a n d r u d d e r o n t h e w a y to the start r e q u i r e d B i l l M a s o n to m a k e hasty r e p a i r s D e s p i t e this a n d s t a r t i n g out of p o s i t i o n t h e y w o n their d i v i s i o n w e a v i n g their w a y t h r o u g h m a n y slower crews. T h e other w i n c a m e for the s e n i o r A C o x l e s s four. B o t h S e n i o r B coxless and Novice coxed fours came second in their d i v i s i o n s .

T h e overall p o s i t i o n of the top t w o c r e w s is m o s t e n c o u r a g i n g as they were o n l y b e a t e n by a L e a n d e r c r e w r a c i n g o n the h o m e water.

Sports Centre Are you making the most use of the Sports Centre?

It m a k e s a n i c e c h a n g e to w r i t e a b o u t a f a c i l i t y for s t u d e n t s that h a s not o n l y i n c r e a s e d its s e r v i c e , but a l s o m a i n t a i n e d the s a m e student prices since 1 9 8 3 / 8 4 ! H o p e f u l l y , this a r t i c l e will i n s p i r e m o r e s t u d e n t s at IC to u s e the Sports Centre, and thus e n s u r e that p r i c e s s t a y l o w .

C u r r e n t l y it c o s t s 30p f o r a s t u d e n t to h a v e a s w i m or u s e t h e m u l t i g y m . Half a n h o u r of s q u a s h c o s t s 6 0 p !

W h i l s t t h e s e facts m a y be k n o w n to m a n y of y o u , y o u m a y not be a w a r e that: • T h e S p o r t s C e n t r e is f u l l y open on Sunday mornings f r o m 9.00-12.30, ( r e c e n t l y

t h e r e have b e e n e m p t y s q u a s h courts!)

• T h e r e is e a r l y m o r n i n g s w i m m i n g f r o m 7.30-8.30 on W e d n e s d a y mornings.

Please contact the S p o r t s C e n t r e staff if y o u want a n y further information.

Season Tickets Student S e a s o n Tickets c o s t £7.50 a n d o n l y £5.00 if y o u are a m e m b e r of a c l u b that u s e s t h e S p o r t s C e n t r e . ( N B m e m b e r s of clubs s u c h as s q u a s h , s w i m m i n g and water polo, c a n o e and Rifle and Pistol are r e m i n d e d that t h e y must either have a s e a s o n ticket o r p a y e n t r a n c e e v e r y t i m e t h e y use the S p o r t s Centre).

Weights Club free weights Wednesday only T h e IC W e i g h t s C u b n o w h a s 8 0 m e m b e r s , but is not r e p r e s e n t e d by a n y o f f i c e r s !

The Weights C l u b urgently n e e d s a C a p t a i n to represent them on the ACC. Until the W e i g h t s C l u b g e t s o r g a n i s e d it is o n l y p o s s i b l e to r e s e r v e t h e F r e e W e i g h t s R o o m in S o u t h s i d e for T h e W e i g h t s C l u b o n W e d n e s d a y s f r o m 11.30am

FELIX

Friday 21 February

o n w a r d s , (starting 26 February).

C o u l d a representative ( C a p t a i n ? ) of t h e W e i g h t s C l u b please contact Paul D u b e n s k i via the U n i o n O f f i c e o r M e c h E n g 4, to discuss how Weights Club w i s h e s to c o n t i n u e . O n c e o r g a n i s e d the c l u b s h o u l d be a b l e to r e s e r v e e x t r a s e s s i o n in b o t h t h e F r e e Weights R o o m a n d the Sports Centre Multi G y m .

13

1930h

1230h

Physics LT1 Wellsoc Talk. Harry Fairbrother gives a pr ac t ic a l g u i d e to time a n d s p a c e travel. Free to m e m b e r s .

Union Snack Bar RAS Brewery Trip to G r e e n e King Brewery.Contact J V a r g a P h y s i c s 3. T i c k e t s £3.

53 Prince's Gate Opsoc Easter Auditions.

Eve Southside Bar Lowenbrau o n d r a u g h t 55p/pint plus c h a n c e to w i n a L o w e n b r a u stein.

1330h 616A, Met & Mat Sci Pakistan Society General Meeting.

1430h * Upper Lounge Fight Choreography. A s p e c i a l w o r k s h o p by D r a m s o c o n all a s p e c t s of stage fighting. A l l w e l c o m e

1830h County Hall SDI O r g a n i s e d by E n g i n e e r s For N u c l e a r D i s a r m a m e n t

Great Hall Orchestra Dress Rehearsal for M a h l e r ' s 2nd S y m p h o n y with c h o i r

1930h Concert Hall Princess Ida b y G i l b e r t a n d Sullivan. O p s o c ' s annual s h o w . G o a n d s e e a quality p e r f o r m a n c e . Tickets:£2.50 (£2.00)

Eve Southside Disco

Bar

1015h Sainsbury's S a i n s b u r y ' s still sell S o u t h A f r i c a n g o o d s . H e l p the c a m p a i g n to c h a n g e theirm i n d s . O r g a n i s e d by IC a n d Earl's C o u r t A n t i - A p a r t h e i d Groups.

1930h Concert Hall Princess Ida b y G i l b e r t a n d S u l l i v a n . Quality Performance.

1030h Concert Hall Opsoc Clearing-Up. A s m a n y p e o p l e as c a n m a k e it please.

1100h G r e a f Hall Choir Rehearsal for M a h l e r 2.

Anyone welcome—just c o m e along.

1800h More House, 53 Cromwell Road Mass f o l l o w e d by bar s u p p e r a n d talk — ' W o m e n a n d M i n i s t r y ' — by S R H a n n a h , S o c i e t y of S t Francis.

1200h ULU, Manning Hall Working for a future. A n alternative careers fair (organised by U L U G r e e n Group).

1245h Jazz Room Big Band Practise. A l l welcome.

1300h Stans Lounge Windsurfing Easter Trip.

M e e t i n g to take n a m e s a n d finalise plans for trip to the G o w e r (22nd-30th M a r c h ) .

P r i c e of trip a p p r o x £30.

1315h Read LT, Sherfield Humanities Debate on S o u t h A f r i c a n s a n c t i o n s . Free to a l l .

1800h Union SCR Wine Tasting. Don't forget this week's event. T i c k e t h o l d e r s only.

1930h 53 Prince's Gate Opsoc Chorus Rehearsal. A l l welcome.

1230h Huxley 413 Methsoc T h e W o r l d W o r l d w i d e ' led by R e v Stewart M o r r i s , w h o h a s a missionary position overseas.

Lunch:50p

1300h Elec Eng 403A Hunken On Technology T i m H u n k e n (Observer) talks about A p p r o p r i a t e T e c h n o l o g y a n d his c l o c k s .

Theatre Pippard Pheremones. T h e B i o c h e m S o c lecture of the year.

1700h Union Snack Bar RAS Brewery Trip to G a t e s Brewery, Portsmouth.

C o n t a c t J V a r g a P h y s i c s 3.

Tickets £ 4

1830h Prince of Ornage Pub Balloon Pub Outing.Meet Southside Upper Lounge.

fieldâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;at the moment things s e e m to run a l o n g t h e l i n e s of ' l a b s a n d p r o b l e m s h e e t s are s o t e d i o u s , b o r i n g a n d u n i m a g i n a t i v e that a n y o l d g o r e m o v i e is l i k e l y to be more mentally stimulating'.

In fact the m o r e I t h i n k a b o u t it the m o r e I c o m e to t h e c o n c l u s i o n that t h e worst thing about C o l l e g e is that t h e r e is a n u n d e r l y i n g t e n d a n c y to drive p e o p l e s t h o u g h t s a w a y f r o m reality.

B e f o r e I get c a r r i e d a w a y w i t h c o l u m n s a b o u t us all suffering from mass mental A s o n e f i g m e n t of m y i m a g i n a t i o n o n c e s a i d to a n o t h e r " t h e r e ' s s o d all to d o half w a y to n o w h e r e " a c o m m e n t w h i c h s e e m s to go someway toward s u m m i n g up this p o i n t in the y e a r . A l l t h e initial e n t h u s i a s m s e e m s to be p e t e r i n g out as t h o u g h t s turn to e x a m p r e p a r a t i o n f o l l o w e d by s u m m e r h o l i d a y s or j o b s . T h i s is w h e r e y o u b e g i n to s u s s how apathetic and boring c o l l e g e c a n really be. M o s t of y o u are p r o b a b l y h a n g i n g a r o u n d in y o u r o w n little g r o u p s of f r i e n d s , g o i n g out to t h e s a m e sort of p l a c e s a n d not b o t h e r i n g t o o m u c h a b o u t l o o k i n g for something radically d i f f e r e n t â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a l l fair e n o u g h in its o w n w a y I s u p p o s e .

F i t t i n g l y this y e a r ' s 'total hype' group S i c k Sick S p u t n i c k , or h o w e v e r y o u p r o n o u n c e it, h a v e c h o s e n this t i m e to r e l e a s e t h e i r debut single. Having already devoted too m u c h

s p a c e to it I'll just s a y that it a c t u a l l y a p p e a r s to be G i o r g i o M o r o n or s o m e o n e a n d h a s a title a b o u t 'love m i s s i l e s ' w h i c h s e e m s like it m i g h t have b e e n p i n c h e d f r o m the s p o o f f i lm ' S p i n a l Tap'.

If y o u i n t e n d to w r i t e a c o l u m n about alternatives to w o r k , it s e e m s to m e y o u s h o u l d try a n d u n d e r s t a n d s o m e t h i n g a b o u t the student psychology.

P e r s o n a l l y I must c o n f e s s I'm still s t r u g g l i n g in this

i l l n e s s I t h i n k I'll s k i p s t r a i g h t to the p o i n t ( c a l l i n g y o u r r e a d e r s a b u n c h of n u t t e r s is p o o r h o u s e s t y l e anyway).

O c c a s i o n a l l y e v e n the dullest undergraduates can s h o w a p o t e n t i a l for c o n c e r n about greater t h i n g s t h a n their s t a r t i n g s a l a r y ( w h o w a n t s to employ a boring yuppie engineer whose sole interest is b a n k b a l a n c e collecting anyway?). While y o u all sit t h e r e c o m f o r t a b l y f o l d i n g this p a g e into a p a p e r dart to l o b at y o u r p o o r i n n o c e n t m a t h s l e c t u r e r m i l l i o n s of other poor innocents a r o u n d the w o r l d are b e i n g terrorised, persecuted, e x p l o i t e d a n d t o r t u r e d by governments less r e s t r a i n e d t h a n o u r s (and you thought governments w e r e t h e r e to t ake c a r e of you). The H u m a n Race l e a r n s very s l o w l y f r o m its mistakes. But oppertunities to learn from history a b o u n d in L o n d o n . O n e of the best d o c u m e n t a r i e s of h o w t y r a n n y affects o r d i n a r y p e o p l e w a s the w r i t i n g of A n n e F r a n k w h o w a s a v i c t i m of a r e g i m e whose hideousness was made unique from many o t h e r s past a n d p r e s e n t m a i n l y by t h e s c a l e of its h o r r o r . T h e r e is a n A n n e F r a n k e x h i b i t i o n at t h e M a l l g a l l e r i e s , P a l l M a l l until M a r c h 2. E n t r a n c e is, a p p r o p r i a t e l y for the c i r c u m s t a n c e s of m a n y of u s , free.

c

A P I T

W h i l e I'm in a ' s e l f - n i h l i s t ' m o o d I t h i n k I'll m o v e o n to m u s i c . P u n k m a y be d e a d but that's n o r e a s o n to a v o i d live g i g s w h e r e the e m p h a s i s is o n gut wrenching power and vitriolic vocal contortions (what a p r e t e n t i o u s little phrase). T h e S w e d i s h g r o u p L e a t h e r N u n last t o u r e d this c o u n t r y s o m e years ago with T h r o b b i n g Gristle, w h e n they b e c a m e n o t o r i o u s for l e a v i n g a trail of riots. T h e y return this T u e s d a y 25 to play at the Bull & Gate, Kentish T o w n , with Z o d i a c M i n d w a r p & the L o v e R e a c t i o n . C o s t is ÂŁ3 for w h a t s h o u l d be an O T T gig.

Having hyped Half M a n Half B i s c u i t it w o u l d be a bit h y p o c r i t i c a l to s l a g them now, especially b e f o r e I've a c t u a l l y h e a r d all of their n e w E P , T h e T r u m p t o n R i o t s . B u t all t h e s a m e N i g e l , N e i l a n d the b o y s a p p e a r to be h a v i n g a t o u g h t i m e f o l l o w i n g up their initial s p a r k of g e n i u s .

If y o u w a n t to get in o n the C a m b e r w i c k G r e e n punk cult t h e n y o u c a n s e e t h e m at D i n g w a l l s o n T h u r s d a y 27 - p e r s o n a l l y I t h i n k it's a c r u d d y little h o l e of a c l u b .

In fact, in g e n e r a l , I'd m u c h rather g o to a p u b v e n u e t h a n m o s t of the L o n d o n c l u b s - not o n l y is t h e b e e r less l i k e l y to be e x p e n s i v e f i z z y w a t e r , but at t h e B u l l & G a t e for i n s t a n c e the a c t u a l r o o m itself is better.

B o u n c e r s from the police state s c h o o l of a u d i e n c e

s u b j u g a t i o n are a b i g put off at c l u b s t o o (the w o r s t o n e s a l w a y s w e a r b o w ties like t h o s e at the C r o y d o n Underground). Small pub g i g s c a n b e a g o o d night ou t a n d all t h e g o o d b a n d s started small o n c e . T h e r a n g e is s o vast that t h e best s u g g e s t i o n I c a n m a k e is to c h e c k the m u s i c papers or Time Out. O n e g i g I'm g o i n g to p e r s o n a l l y is T w i c e B i t t e n at t h e Pearly King, B r o m l e y - b y Bow, on Thursday March 16. T h i s is a v e r y g o o d folk venue and brews some e x c e l l e n t b e e r o n the p r e m i s e s . I've got to be c a r e f u l not to f o r g e t t h e u n i o n bar if I'm t a l k i n g a b o u t beer, m a y b e S e a n w i l l get s o m e Irish folk m u s i c for t h e next promotional evening.

C a n ' t t h i n k of a n y d r o l l t h r o w a w a y q u o t e s to e n d this w e e k ' s s p e i l , a n d a n y w a y t h e y t a k e a w a y all the s e r i o u s n e s s . B u t I've o b s e r v e d that the best f i l m s are a l w a y s m e a n i n g f u l or s t y l i s h a n d are often r e - r u n at the S c a l a . T h i s all a p p l i e s to A p o c a l y p s e N o w a n d Dr. S t r a n g e l o v e t w o f i l m s I g o to s e e t h e r e w h e n e v e r I c a n . B u t what p u z z l e s m e is w h o g o e s to s e e all the o l d R u s s M e y e r f l i c k s t h e y run like ' B e n e a t h t h e V a l l e y of t h e L e a t h e r clad N y m p h e t s with B i g K n o c k e r s ' . In t h e w o r d s of H e r b e r t D. R o s s the little k n o w n b l i n d U S d i r e c t o r of the e a r l y 7 0 s "I d o n ' t s e e w h a t its all a b o u t ".

Bye

for now

folks.

A L I D E A S

Hack Race 1 D a v e K i n g s t o n , IC U n i o n Deputy President has a n n o u n c e d that he will be c o n t e n d i n g t h e post of U L U President. Mr Kingston believes that he c a n improve the U n i o n ' s s t a n d i n g with the U n i v e r s i t y of L o n d o n a n d the Government.

H e is u n h a p p y with the p o o r i m a g e U L U has p r e s e n t e d in the past, part icularl y with its r e s p o n s e to the G o v e r n m e n t s g r e e n paper, ' E d u c a t i o n in the 1990s'. 'A student body which doesn't r e a s o n a n d a r g u e clearly is a waste of time', he a d d e d .

M r K i n g s t o n is a n x i o u s to i n c r e a s e the p u b l i c ' s a w a r e n e s s of the p r o b l e m s f a c i n g s t u d e n t s . H e feels

that his w o r k in the G e n e r a l U n i o n C o u n c i l a n d his e x p e r i e n c e as a s a b b a t i c a l at IC will s t a n d h i m in g o o d stead.

IC W e l f a r e O f f i c e r P e t e W i l s o n will be r u n n i n g for S c i e n c e and Engineering S e n a t o r at U L U . M r W i l s o n a i m s to e n c o u r a g e the b r o a d e n i n g of S c i e n c e c u r r i c u l a , a n d the i m p r o v e m e n t of C o m p u t i n g and Maths sub-courses. He is a l s o very keen to m a k e the U L U E x e c u t i v e less remote for s t u d e n t s at Imperial.

'I have a c l o s e r c o n t a c t with ' m o r e ' S c i e n c e a n d E n g i n e e r i n g c o u r s e s than s t u d e n t s of other C o l l e g e s ' he s a i d .

Shattered B e t w e e n ÂŁ150-200 of d a m a g e w a s d o n e w h e n the w i n d o w of the S o u t h s i d e shop was smashed on T u e s d a y e v e n i n g . T h e three p e o p l e c o n c e r n e d had b e e n p a r t i c i p a t i n g earlier in the Guilds' Field C u p . They were f o u n d i m m e d i a t e l y by the s e c u r i t y g u a r d , a n d were interviewed by M r R e e v e s of C o l l e g e S e c u r i t y .

O n e of t h e m w a s s u f f e r i n g f r o m c u t s to the face, h a n d s a n d l e g ; all three c l a i m e d that they h a d s u s t a i n e d t h e s e injuries after s l i p p i n g on the steps

in front of the s h o p a n d falling t h r o u g h the w i n d o w .

Although Mr Reeves said he w a s i n c l i n e d to believe their story, the s e c u r i t y g u a r d involved s a i d that he t h o u g h t the i n c i d e n t w a s no a c c i d e n t , a n d r e p o r t e d that as h e arrived o n t h e s c e n e , he saw the injured student k i c k i n g at the a l r e a d y shattered s h o p front. M r R e e v e s is i n v e s t i g a t i n g the matter further. N o o n e w a s available in the G u i l d s ' O f f i c e for c o m m e n t .

Discipline S e c t i o n s of the p r o p o s e d new C o l l e g e D i s c i p l i n a r y R e g u l a t i o n s were rejected

by I C U C o u n c i l , m e e t i n g o n M o n d a y e v e n i n g at the College Field Station.

S i l w o o d Park.

T h e draft of the new r e g u l a t i o n s a l l o w e d the penalty i m p o s e d on s t u d e n t s f o u n d guility of m i s c o n d u c t to be i n c r e a s e d on a p p e a l . S e v e r a l m e m b e r s of C o u n c i l s p o k e out s t r o n g l y against a c c e p t i n g this, s a y i n g that it w a s ' c ont r ar y to natural justice'. T h e present r e g u l a t i o n s d o not a l l o w 16

the a p p e a l panel to i n c r e a s e the penalty, o n l y to c o n f i r m or r e d u c e it. T h e new c o d e w a s drafted by Michael Arthur, former Student Services Officer and now Assistant C o l l e g e Secretary.

C o u n c i l a m e n d e d the draft c h a n g i n g the o f f e n d i n g p h r a s e s o that the penalty may not b e i n c r e a s e d on a p p e a l . T h e new r e g u l a t i o n s must be a g r e e d by the U n i o n before they c a n be a d o p t e d , s o the o b j e c t i o n s are likely to be a c c e p t e d by the C o l l e g e .

t T h e r e will be an e x h i b i t i o n of d r a w i n g s a n d p a i n t i n g s

by J o h n D a v i d s o n in the Consort Gallery from T u e s d a y 25th F e b r u a r y until F r i d a y 21st M a r c h .

T h e e x h i b i t i o n entitled The Chamonix Series c o n t a i n s p i c t u r e s f r o m the C h a m o n i x a r e a in the French Alps.

T h e e x h i b i t i o n has b e e n o r g a n i s e d by C o l l e g e Safety Officer Dr G o r d o n Hargreaves. He described the p a i n t i n g s as t e n d i n g t o w a r d s a 'surreal

interpretation'.

Dr Hargreaves collects p a i n t i n g s himself a n d first came across Mr Davidson's w o r k at the Artists' M a r k e t in C o v e n t G a r d e n . T h i s v e n u e , w h i c h no l o n g e r exists, gave u n k n o w n artists the o p p o r t u n i t y to s h o w their work. D r H a r g r e a v e s s a i d he tries to keep the styles a n d s u b j e c t matters of the e x h i b i t i o n s in C o l l e g e as varied as p o s s i b l e . H e s a i d that they w e r e u s u a l l y well attended.

No Confidence T h e U n i v e r s i t y of L o n d o n U n i o n a v o i d e d a vote of no c o n f i d e n c e on T u e s d a y at General Union Council.

Royal Holloway and Bedford New College Students' Union had o r i g i n a l l y p r o p o s e d the m o t i o n . After t a l k i n g to the E x e c u t i v e they d e c i d e d to w i t h d r a w the m o t i o n . T h e U L U constitution, though, meant that they were u n a b l e to do this. T h e

E x e c u t i v e p r o p o s e d an a m e n d m e n t p r a i s i n g their p e r f o r m a n c e . O n a vote, the a m e n d m e n t w a s accepted. The motion, t h o u g h , was rejected.

A t the s a m e m e e t i n g an anti-racism motion was p a s s e d a l t h o u g h an a m e n d m e n t that w o u l d have result e d in U L U a d o p t i n g a ' n o platform for r a c i s m ' p o l i c y w a s rejected.

Hack Race 2 C h r i s H e n d y has w i t h d r a w n f r o m s t a n d i n g for the post of I C U P r e s i d e n t . A t the t i m e of g o i n g to p r e s s J Martin T a y l o r a n d C h r i s t i n e T a i g are the only c o n t e n d e r s for the p o s i t i o n of P r e s i d e n t . R u n n i n g u n o p p o s e d for D e p u t y President and Honorary S e c r e t a r y are J a c k i e P e i r c e

Friday 21 February

and Dave Colley respectively. D a v e J o n e s a n d N i g e l A t k i n s o n have their n a m e s d o w n for the post of F E L I X editor.

P a p e r s are up until 5.30pm next F r i d a y . A n y o n e interested in r u n n i n g for a sabbatical should see one of the present s a b b a t i c a l s as s o o n as p o s s i b l e .

FELIX