http://www.felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1991/1991_0916_A

Health & Safety

Tired Buildings

Imperial C o l l e g e has been forced to back d o w n o n its proposed changes to

the

College

Council

Safety

responsible for Health and Safety in all areas o f C o l l e g e .

T h e changes announced last June meant overall v o t i n g control o f the Council

would

stand

Management

with

the

nominated

representatives. technically Government

This

change,

illegal

under

Health

regulations,

was

and

to

Safety

have

been

i m pl e m e nte d at the next C o u n c i l meeting, scheduled for the e n d o f O c t o b e r but is n o w delayed until next T u e s d a y ,

without any

prior

discussion.

The

Manufacturing

Science

and

F i n a n c e U n i o n ( M S F ) , one o f the six unions in C o l l e g e , held an extrao r d i n a r y meeting last T u e s d a y . A t the meeting, they voted to withdraw from

College

procedures, safety

committees

and f o r m

committee,

and

their

own

calling

on

M a n a g e m e n t to j o i n the new safety structure. T h i s w o u l d suspend all safety until

College

effectively

procedures

in

conformed.

Mr

The Union Building, A

John

recently refurbished

at a cost of ÂŁ60,000

Management

Paigne,

Industrial

Relations officer at Imperial

said

report by the lay c h a i r m e n o f

university week

councils

revealed

released

that

passers-by.'

this

M r G o r d o n M a r s h a l l , Director o f

University

Estates, said that he was c o n c e r n e d

that the control o f the C o m m i t t e e

buildings and residences are in a

about the p r o b l e m s

lay

dangerous condition due to years o f

report, adding that it was a ' f a i r l y

with management

nominated

raised i n the

Amendment

m e m b e r s w h i c h 'is not necessarily

financial neglect. It suggests that the

accurate picture o f the situation'.

the same as m a n a g e m e n t ' . H e also

safety

H e told F e l i x that m a n y o f

stated that the C o u n c i l d i d not make

doubt and that an estimated ÂŁ752

buildings date back to the 1950s and

Week

decisions but ' a d v i s e d ' the R e c t o r

m i l l i o n is needed o v e r the next ten

1960s a n d there was the potential

should

so any changes had no real effect.

years just for the maintenance o f

for a massive expenditure

Hypnosis

T h i s has been hotly denied by the

teaching

cannot be funded internally. H e said

Friday 22nd - T h e S m o k i n g C o n c e i t

U n i o n s in C o l l e g e and lead to the

laboratories, libraries, offices and

that it was

Cabaret, U n i o n Building.

unanimous

the

student residences, in this c o u n t r y .

b o i l e r s , to rewire m a n y buildings

is not

In a d d i t i o n , the report stated that

MSF

declaration

from

meeting that 'Safety

negotiable'.

the

o f staff and students is in

accommodation,

'ageing

and

deteriorating

and to solve p r o b l e m s with

flat

facilities pose a threat to the first

buildings

C o l l e g e management tried to m a k e

class

currently

such a volatile m o v e . A new safety

research

document

d e c a d e s ' . A l s o it said, that ' i f the

At

present,

it is unclear

has

been

why

produced,

learning required

advanced

i n the c o m i n g

page

Show,

Great

7.

It

21st

-

Hall

and

said

that and

services

are

99% Apathy

vulnerable.'

The

Universities

Funding

increased, then it is l i k e l y that the

w o r k i n g party, c h a i r e d by S i r Idris

on

will be discussed at the next C o u n c i l

fabric

Pearce, a n d V i c e - C h a n c e l l o r s are

B u i l d i n g ' s conceit hall was attended

meeting

are

entire safety

Tuesday.

If

the

deteriorate

rejected

then

the

increasing

structure in C o l l e g e

w o u l d be called into question.

the

buildings

substantially, the

risk

be

' internal

on

Thursday

associated tired'

'getting

read

at the C o u n c i l . T h i s new statement

of

cannot

are

He

replace

Timetable

level

on

expenditure

roofs.

to

which

T h e r e is an amendment to the R A G

reducing the management presence

proposals

of

and

necessary

IC's

will

thereby of

total

b r e a k d o w n o f i n d i v i d u a l systems and

dangers

to

occupants

and

Council

due

to

(UFC)

meet

have

with

Minister, John Major, few

weeks.

set

the

up

a

Prime

in the next

T h e U n i o n General Meeting, held 7

November

in

the

Union

by 23 students. It must be a s s u m e d that 9 9 . 6 %

of IC's

students

are

rapturously pleased w i t h h o w the Student U n i o n operates.

Felix 916

Letters

8 November 1991

Apathy Strikes Again Dear

Editor,

D o e s everyone at I C have enough

Strange

especially with respect to h o u s i n g

dustbin bags and sodden sleeping

benefits. T h e r e was entertainment

bags. H o w e v e r ,

Dear Mr

m a n y o f us stuck

Editor,

I a m writing with regards to M r

m o n e y ? A r e y o u not affected by the

'till

of

it out ( m a y b e something to d o with

McLintock's

pitiful level o f grants, by lack o f

musicians, dancing and jugglers and

the fact the tube had c l o s e d for the

914—trainspotters? U s ? N e v e r ,

g o v e r n m e n t benefits to students? I

some

night?).

wear anoraks with leaky pens in the

midnight terribly

think not! So why weren't y o u at the

speeches

U L U

booing

Hallowe'en

sleepout

in

the

boring

(although at

form

them

political

it

was

and

fun

A n y w a y fun was h a d b y a l l a n d

shouting

we maybe achieved something too,

demonstration o n 31st O c t o b e r ? I

sarcastic

was and I saw only one other person

m o v e d to M a l e t Street and lined up

f r o m I C there ( H i E d ! ) . In asking

along

around I generally got the response

bags for the night (some o f us d i d

comments).

the pavements

We

then

as

we

d i d get

news

o n various

So,

weren't

why

you

there?

I hope y o u all had a

the road where we felt we w o u l d be

time last T h u r s d a y alseep in y o u r

o f apathetic scientists w i l l i n g to let

m o r e noticable but the organisers

nice w a r m beds o f apathy.

w e r e n ' t too a m u s e d and the p o l i c e

late!) the d e m o was to protest at the present G o v e r n m e n t ' s

us to j o i n the

rest

before too l o n g . . . ) .

attitude to

A t this point it began to rain and

students where money is concerned,

the night was spent w r a p p e d up i n

something

interesting to do while reading crap and b o r i n g letters. It's all mindless by the w a y ,

d i d anybody

see the

Fetishists A n n u a l C o n f e r e n c e ?

try to settle d o w n in the m i d d l e o f

d i d persuade

us

we

new B R Intercity 225 at the T r a i n

' I C , t h e y ' r e all tories aren't t h e y ? '

In case y o u ' r e interested (a bit

give

issue

C o m e to the next U L U d e m o and

A r e y o u ? O r are y o u all just a load s o m e o n e else m a k e the point?

to

in

b i c k e r i n g i f y o u ask me! O h , and

programmes.

i n sleeping

pockets

letter

worthwhile

From

an Anoraksic

Felix

Bod.

O h y e s — i f y o u w e r e one o f those living

at C o l l e g e

Street

watching

window—FUCK Lej7a

Hall on us

Malet

from

the

YOU!

Incorrect

Sherwin,

Biology

2.

Dear

No Money? No Job?...

We tha

Adam, w e r e most d i s m a y e d to see article

November

in

Felix

1991,

914,

1st

regarding

the

election o f an H o n o r a r y Secretary for C i t y & G u i l d s C o l l e g e U n i o n

Dear

Adam,

Anyway,

is out o f m o n e y

a new cashpoint c a r d h e ' l l have to

I a m w r i t i n g to c o m p l a i n about

and thoroughly pissed o f f at h a v i n g

fill out this f o r m . B o b responds by

incorrect and we w o u l d like to put

the quality o f service offered by the

to cash cheques o v e r the past six

p o u n d i n g his head o n the counter

the r e c o r d straight.

i n - c o l l e g e N a t W e s t bank, w h i c h I

w e e k s — h e ' s g o i n g to the bank to

until his lifeless b o d y slumps to the

w o u l d describe as f u c k i n g shit, but

sort out things once and for a l l .

floor.

'Another

thinks

the

I w i l l content m y s e l f b y d e f i n i n g it as less than adequate.

Bob

A s B o b approaches the bank he sees a queue o f disgruntled students

A n y o n e unfortunate enough to be

behind

the

C & G C U , like all the other C C U s

(Constituent

College

autonomous

body.

an

Union)is We

therefore

r u n elections to o u r o w n election

B o b ' s life c o u l d have been saved

rules, as set out in our constitution.

in a financial situation that requires

the c o r r i d o r .

Peering

m o r e than the insertion o f a piece

corner

(who

very

1) Increase the n u m b e r o f staff

o f plastic into a computer embedded

intelligent student) quickly identifies

available to deal with ' e n q u i r i e s ' —

space. If y o u w o u l d care to l o o k at

in a wall (i.e. the use o f a cashpoint)

the root o f the p r o b l e m (as he has

after a l l , this is a bank that caters

o u r constitution, there is a c o p y

Bob

is

a

the

person

student'

counter.

stretching f r o m inside the bank into round

crazy

( C & G C U ) . Y o u r article is factually

in three ways:

W e d o abide by I C U publicity rules as publicity w i l l use I C U publicity

m a y find themselves i n the ghastly

done o n every

other visit to the

m a i n l y to students, and students, as

available in the G u i l d s Office ( M e c h

c i r c u m s t a n c e o f h a v i n g to visit the

bank); there are about ten people

a sad consequence o f many factors,

E n g , L e v e l 3). I assure y o u that

NatWest

Sherfield

waiting for normal over-the-counter

are b o u n d to have m o r e

financial

nowhere within the constitution w i l l

B u i l d i n g (if y o u have the bad l u c k

services with two or three cashiers

enquiries than y o u r average person.

y o u find any reference to the order

of

there—a

to serve them. A combination o f the

p o s i t i o n I find m y s e l f in but w i l l

h i g h staff to customer ratio and the

open after bank hours so that not all

printed i n Guildsheet. Y o u will find that

bank

having

in

an

the

account

soon rectify).

Those

in

the

know

2)

Keep

the enquiries

short length o f time required to

the

will

c a r r y out these services means that

students

d u r i n g the l u n c h break.

financial

problems

have

to

be

counter of

5000

dealt

with

in

which

manifestoes

the

Union

should

be

Executive

Committee also acts as the Elections

the

the t u r n o v e r o f the ten or so people

above situation as ghastly. F o r the

waiting for the cashiers is high. T h e

blissfully

ignorant I w i l l paint a

remaining

are

from the m a i n bank where enquiries

scenario

that

will

waiting for the dreaded ' E n q u i r i e s

can be dealt w i t h m o r e easily eg.

W e are most grateful to the E d i t o r ,

problem:

It's

12.30pm—lectures

C o u n t e r ' . T h e r e are about

like the temporary

J i m Shaw, for sparing the r o o m and

understand

why

I

describe

outline

the

people,

however,

15-20

Committee

3) H a v e a separate office away

N a t W e s t stall

have just finished and student B o b

people i n this queue (many w o u l d -

that

rushes

be queuers leave after the reality o f

elusive staff at the beginning o f term

the situation dawns u p o n

to entire us to o p e n accounts.

to the I C

NatWest

bank.

branch Bob

of

the

ordered

a

cashpoint card o v e r six weeks ago

them).

B e h i n d the enquiries counter is, o n

and despite repeated requests and

average, half a m e m b e r o f staff (the

the creation o f several embarrassing

other h a l f is busy d o i n g another ten

scenes i n v o l v i n g embarrassed bank

things at the same time) to serve 15

staff he has still not been issued with

people

a replacement c a r d . B o b has also

average be at least five minutes or

whose

enquiries

will

on

filled out a f o r m i n f o r m i n g the bank

so in length. It does not take a P h D

o f a change i n his c o r r e s p o n d e n c e

in mathematics to realise that the

address o n four separate occasions,

turnover o f people

but

w i l l , as a consequence, be b l o o d y

to

read

and

act

upon

this

in this queue

i nf ormati on is either too m e n i a l a

slow. A n d as a consequence o f the

task for the bank's employees or (as

b l o o d y slow t u r n o v e r o f people, it

I suspect) there are not enough o f

is 1.30pm before B o b gets to the

t h e m to c o p e .

counter to be told that i f he wants

was

present

with

all

those

Yours in anticipation, A new Lloyds Bank customer.

Name withheld by request.

P . S . I hope that this letter has as m u c h effect on NatWest bank as the letter in last w e e k ' s F e l i x had u p o n the p r i c i n g o f goods i n the Q T .

P . P . S . T h i s letter is not meant as a

personal

attack

on

the

bank

staff—they are probably as fed up as the rest o f us.

—2—

satisfied

and with

we

were

the

way

quite the

manifestoes appeared in Guildsheet.

p r o d u c i n g Guildsheet o n the day o f the election.

Yours sincerely, Tim Proctor, President

C&GCU.

The C & G U office was contacted in connection with the story, and the reporter involved was at no time given any information as to the differences between the C & G U constitution and the I C U constitution. Felix reporters can only record information that they have been given - the cause of the error lies equidistant between the staff of our two offices.

-Adam.

Felix 916

8 November 1991

Letters

The Usual Rant

The College Day Dear

Dear

Adam,

Is it an annual event o r is it just

Adam,

Since I h a v e n ' t heard f r o m the

threat, H a m l e t ads are gone and

least the F r e n c h w h o are the poodle

soon,

o f the d o m i n a n t G e r m a n s .

we

hear,

we

will

see

the

to

C h r i s t i a n U n i o n about the farce we

demise o f the G o l d B l e n d couple

Unfortunately, I fear, the P M and

lengthen the college day are still

call the C o f E , I w i l l leave this

flirting with each other (unless they

D o u g l a s H u r d w i l l not argue o u r

with us?

subject, i f o n l y to resurrect it again

can p r o v e

at a later date.

smoother

coincidence that the proposals

I

was

under

misguided)

the

(obviously

i m p r e s s i o n that

several w o r k i n g

parties,

after

reports,

(Pun

deliberately

intended).

Since

my

last

letter

a

more

it really has a ' r i c h e r flavour').

kidding!

Even

Heineken

ads

meetings, discussion documents etc

pressing issue has c o m e to light.

health

grounds;

T h a t o f the m e d d l i n g E u r o c r a t s .

years

the

they are again, reincarnated.

T h e s e unelected commissioners and

'Milky

two

banned

It should be pretty o b v i o u s to

all

concerned

that

by the

bit

politicians l o v e

barking

B r i t a i n at every opportunity. Y e t

could

also

i f it continues to say him

'strong

and

be it

tough'.

(This poor little guy has been under

favour o f the lengthening.

they can't stand a little competition,

it was said he was racist because a

they keep not surprisingly quiet.

black c h i l d c o u l d not play his part.

Unless

lecturers

want

a

longer

day?

Perhaps the R e s e a r c h groups

do,

Every

day

soveriegnty

the

Kid'

in every and

way

nationhood

our

But,

are

Commission

imagine

the

for

outrage

the

Racial Equality

although most o f the populace o f the

being slowly eroded. W h a t ' s worse

w o u l d express i f they used a b l a c k

college, except the undergraduates,

is we have a P M w h o , I a m afraid,

child

w o r k long hours in college anyway.

seems

'Chocolate Coloured K i d ' . )

The

happen.

undergraduates

work

long

hours out o f college.

to

be

willing

to

let

this

I d i d n ' t agree with

his

and advertised

h i m as

the

That aside, John M a j o r should go

predecessor o n e v e r y t h i n g , but at

to

A l l o w i n g two hours each night

least she w o u l d never have let the

prepared

for study, that takes the p r o p o s e d

situation continue. M r M a j o r just

u n i o n , no to a federal state and no

w o r k i n g w e e k to 5 0 hours. F o r a

d o e s n ' t have the b a c k b o n e to stand

to a c o m m o n foreign p o l i c y . Y o u

'job' that pays £3000 a year, anyone

up

only have to look at the pathetic and

else w o u l d be out o n strike.

K i n n o c k w o u l d be any

Then

there

is the

rush

to

the

Federalists

(not

that

the

Maastricht to say

Conference

no to

monetary

different).

l i l l y - l i v e r e d response to the G u l f

hour.

M r M a j o r must realise the B r i t i s h

W a r to show how m u c h a farce that w o u l d be.

T r a v e l l i n g h o m e in that every night

people do not wish to be ruled f r o m

means that, in m y case, I can expect

Brussels or Strasbourg (even Jaques

to get to sit d o w n at about 8 . 3 0 p m ,

D e l o r s c a n ' t decide o n the H Q ) .

by the time I have travelled and

Even

our

adverts

are

under

It

is

about

time

Yours always, Alan Bailey.

thirty

favourite

fire a lot lately. D u r i n g the S u m m e r

they k n o w different, that is. D o the

to

after

French

for

comes

and

case and w i l l lead us o n the road to e c o n o m i c and monetary u n i o n .

on

farmers b u r n i n g our sheep because

that they count

it

and

the c h o p

m u c h , o f course) are not exactly i n

students (not

when

Carlsberg

children's

Bar

makes

not

face

the proposals had been shelved; yet

now

I'm

the

P S . A f t e r last w e e k ' s articles f r o m the T h i r d W o r l d First and A m n e s t y , m a y I suggest the new

name

for

F e l i x as ' T h e G u a r d i a n ' or e v e n 'Marxism Today'?

I a m not sure that the readership really want to know your opinions on matters which are so obviously above your intellectual capability. I get the impression that you are trying to cause debate, of w h i c h I wholeheartedly approve, but it is done in such a ridiculously O T T m a n n e r a n d d i s p l a y s such stunning ignorance of any issues involved that nobody would even try to respond. This is a misuse of free speech - please try to do it better; it is merely a tedious rant at the moment.

EC

-Adam.

C o m m i s s i o n e r s treated B r i t a i n with the same respect as they treat at

eaten. I w o u l d get the chance to meet some new friends o n the tube as I stare at their armpits.

Is there a silent (or not so silent) majority at I C that wants a longer

Commemoration

Balls-Up

w o r k i n g d a y , or is this an attempt

by C o l l e g e to d o what they want to, irrespective o f what its m e m b e r s wish?

Yours, Paul Davison,

Dear

Editor,

wearing

H a v i n g completed our degrees at

Physics

2.

Imperial C o l l e g e in June, we were

only

have

been

used

by

those

attending the ball, and not to any I C

T h e excitement then really began

student w i l l i n g to pay £2. Instead

when

m o r e for the C o m m e m o r a t i o n B a l l

through to the bar, o n l y to be met

than the graduation ceremony itself.

by

For

waiting to be served. T h e inevitable

participating

chance to see o l d friends, so we all

crush meant many people in f o r m a l

ceremony,

agreed to try to get tickets for this

dress decided that the need for a

obtain, o r c o u l d not afford tickets

d r i n k (quite considerable by this

for the earlier part o f the e v e n i n g .

many

o f us this was

a last

T h e first h a l f o f the e v e n i n g the

title page

to a v o i d

all looking forward to October 24th,

special event.

'How's the Psalms' coming along?'

a ballgown/DJ

p a y i n g £2 for a d i s c o ? t r y i n g to

a

time!)

fight

five-deep

was

one's

wall

of

way

people

not w o r t h the risk to

it

would

have

been

more

appropriate i f the d i s c o invitation had

It

been

extended in

who

would

the

to

were

have

those

graduation unable

been

to

nice,

if

N a t u r a l H i s t o r y M u s e u m l i v e d up

expensive clothing f r o m spilt drinks

somewhat s u r p r i s i n g , o f the U n i o n

to expectations, as both setting and

and

Executive

atmosphere suited the occasion. W e

meeting

cigarettes. up

with

On

eventually

our

group

of

to

remember

that the

C o m m e m o r a t i o n B a l l is a special

then, h o w e v e r , transferred to the

friends in the c r u s h , it was to find

night, be i ng the c u l m i n a t i o n o f 3/4

U n i o n B u i l d i n g , (not S h e r f i e l d , as

that many had already left o r were

years hard w o r k . T h i s was certainly

advertised), w h e r e the majority o f

o n the point o f d o i n g so.

reflected i n the £85 ticket p r i c e .

us met with hostility f r o m

those

T h e sense o f occasion was finally

staff

They

destroyed o n finding the Ents disco,

remember',

seemed more interested in taking £2

w h i c h was at least the same as it had

unfortunately

f r o m students w h o appeared to be

been

reasons.

arriving purely for the bar extension

years—CRAP!

manning

the

door.

than i n a l l o w i n g those o f us

who

had p a i d £85 inside the b u i l d i n g .

B a l l tickets were d e m a n d e d , would

y o u go

to the trouble

for

the

last

three

It also o c c u r r e d to m a n y o f us who

have

been

working

i n the

but

licensing trade that a bar extension

of

for the C o m m e m o r a t i o n B a l l should

— 3 —

U l t i m a t e l y , the ball was ' a night to as not

promised, for

the

Yours disappointedly, C Poole, C Masters, N J Phillips, G Andrade, K Crawley.

but right

Male,

Editorial

Felix 916

8 November 1991

l Hallowe'en

Sleepout

nights I wrestle with o u r d e m o n i c

f o l l o w i n g m y c o m m e n t in response

this issue; this is because it was held

T h e letter b y L e i l a S h e r w i n o n page

collating m a c h i n e .

to the letter b y S . A . V .

Swanson

o n T h u r s d a y e v e n i n g . B e c a u s e it is

two

A mere escutcheon

c o n c e r n i n g the c o l l e g e day i n last

held o n a T h u r s d a y evening I cannot

It makes y o u so confident i n the

week's

c o u n t r y ' s press. S i n c e the story o n

U n i o n s had been consulted - M r s

leads to a n u m b e r o f points.

The

main

Imperial

o n e is the apathy o f

Students. It is true that

issue.

I asked

if Trade

comment (written

o n it i n this on Thursday

editorial

afternoon).

L o n d o n students have been shat o n

the ' S u p e r P l u g ' r a n , w e have had

B a r k e r responds in the affirmative,

T h u r s d a y e v e n i n g is far and away

f r o m an inordinately great height

two

a d d i n g that there was ' v e r y little

the worst time o f the w e ek for the

phone

calls f r o m

journalists

for an awfully long time, and yet the

asking to speak with R i c h a r d S e a

enthusiasm

students o f this esteemed institution

(aka

changes', but that this v i e w was not

Alec Baldwin,

star o f ' T h e

keep their heads d i l i g e n t l y d o w n ,

H u n t for R e d O c t o b e r ' ) ,

a i m i n g for that not-so-far o f f w e l l

that they have h a d n o success i n

job. The

f i n d i n g h i m at S i l w o o d P a r k . T h i s

c u m u l a t i v e effect o f six thousand

is not s u p r i s i n g , o f c o u r s e , as the

paid

accountancy

students t r y i n g their utmost not to

story was c o m p l e t e l y fictitious. I admit

is

singularly

that

article

depressing.

Secondly,

sit-down

demonst-

rations p e r f o r m no discernable use

putting

a

misleading

o n the front

page was

ethically o n shaky g r o u n d , but it w o u l d not be an exaggeration

if I

except to fill up news pages with big

said I a m very worried that anybody

pictures

I

c o u l d take it s e r i o u s l y . In a d d i t i o n ,

d o n ' t b e l i e v e that the G o v e r n m e n t

I a m amazed that the national papers

takes an awful

take any notice o f s u c h small fry as

o f indignant

students.

lot o f notice - the

Suffragettes had to chain themselves

ourselves.

to railings, b u r n a c i d holes in g o l f

under

hegemony,

a

courses and undergo force feeding,

feature w a s r u n c o n c e r n i n g an A C

but in the end it was the F i r s t W o r l d

battery.

W a r that persuaded the G o v e r n m e n t

enquiry and is equally as ridiculous.

that

women

a

performed

useful

function d e s e r v i n g o f suffrage.

Incidentally, sleepout

I

because

wasn't on

This

caused

as

much

A late letter

at the

Barker,

of

University

IC

Association

Teachers

SLIK

Union

General

Meeting

to be

c o v e r e d by the U n i o n N e w s p a p e r . rather p e e v e d

with it because he

k n o w s its c ove r a g e

w i l l delay his

g o i n g h o m e time until too c l o s e to m i d n i g h t . H e finds this w o r r y i n g , because

he tends

to turn into a

p u m p k i n o n the twelfth stroke.

MONOPOD F R O M T H E FELIX OFFICE DARKROOM, RETURN IT

NOW

Credits Jonty, P h i l l i p , Stef, the C a r e Bears, Steves N a n d F , Z o e , J o h n n y D , Ian,

David,

Beccy,

Nina,

Khurrum, Sam,

Penguin,

Jenn,

Toby,

Sumit, Richard, Matt, B o b , Rose, the t w o H a n d i e

taken to the C o l l e g e D a y

working

Andies,

and all

those I ' v e forgotten.

party as the d e c i s i o n h a d already been taken b y the B o a r d o f Studies.

T h e full letter w i l l be published next

Whinge

of

I apologise i f the c o v e r a g e o f the

(AUT)

U n i o n G e n e r a l M e e t i n g is sparse in

\ . IT'S PARK, DlNfrY, YOU CAN'T" FINP A SEAT, THE" B E E R 5 MORE EXPENSIVE THAN T H E UNION,TRYlllfr TO &ET TO T H E TOILET O PHYSICAUY PAN&eROUS, A N p THE ONLY WAY TO SPOT A WOMAN I S . . .

EE

WILL T H E PHOTOGRAPHER WHO BORROWED THE

week.

I have r e c e i v e d a letter f r o m L a u r a

Thursday

proposed

A n d y - the R u t l a n d p r i n t e r - is also

T w o years o r so a g o ,

the S m e d l e y

the

claiming

make

waves

for

2. YOU'RE" IN A LARGE R O O M , THERE A R E POSTERS ON THE WALLS THAT ARE AT LEAST A T E R M O W O F DATE", YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY STUPE NTS, YOU'VE JUST PAlP A SILLY AMOUNT O f MONEY FOR SOMETHING- LOOKWe U

K

e

F e l i x is p r o d u c e d f o r a n d b e h a l f o f t h e Imperial College U n i o n Publications Board a n d is p r i n t e d b y the I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n Print Unit, Prince Consort Road. L o n d o n S W 7 2 B B . (Tel: 071-225 8672). Editor: A d a m Harrington, Business Manager: Jeremy Burnell. Copyright Felix 1991. I S S N 1040-0711.

3. YOU'RE IN A R O O M O R HALL,THESE ARE BENCHES OR CHAIRS, A T T H E F R O N T O F T H E ROOM A M A N STANRJ BESIDE A BLACK-BOARP T A L K I N G IN GIBBCRLSH ( A N P VERY FAST), HE LOCK* L I K E THIS...

COMC'N e a r n e PUNK -

W O M A N

HE'S IN TOWN WITH * few PHYSICIST'S TO KU.L THIS WEEK FELIX PRESENTS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT EXPLAINING T O STUDENTS HOW TO FINP OUT SOMETHING WHICH OFTEN APPEARS TO CONFUSE T H E M . .

..YOQKtiNSOUTttSlPE B A R

...YOU'RE I N T H f

JCR

... YOU'RE I N A

LECTURE

(*<*K0

KNOW IN& WHERE Y O u A R E YOU'RE IN A ROOM Oft HALL,THERE ARE BENCHES OR.CHAIRS, AT THE FRONT O f THE ROOM A MAN STANDS 8CSIDE A BLACK- BOARD TALKING IN GIBBERISH (AND VEftV FAST), YOU'RE SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE LUCE THIS...

5. YOU'RE IN A LARGE GROUP OF BUILDINGS, YOU'RE SURROUNDEP BY PEOPLE WH0E5 ATTIfVP£ AMOUNTS TO ONE T H I N 6 . . .

6. YOU'RE HAVING A REALLY & 0 0 P T I M E , YOU'RE TALKING TO HAPPY, ENTHUSIASTIC, INTERESTING- PEOPLE; T H E R E ARE WOMEN THAT LOOK U K f THIS...

SO...

I STOP BEINfr SEXIST NEXT WEEK?

ANYONE CARE ?

DOES f

REALLY ANY WOMEN

WHO LOOK LIKE T H A T ?

15

...YOU'RE AT (0€T OUT NOW, W/HIUE TH6RES STILL

IX.

Y O U RE

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F E U * WAS BROIKWTTO YOU BY T H E L g r r e g p, AMP THE NUMBER rS~7,l01. ©mi

— 4—

&0DAUVE A N P WELL, AND W 0 R K 1 N 6 ON A LESS AMBITIOUS PROJECT V

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8 November 1991

Felix 916

5â&#x20AC;&#x201D;

Felix

Feature

Felix 916

8 November 1991

Next Friday evening Rag Week

'blind'

starts

Tuesday),

(Monday/

various

people

G u i l d s O f f i c e . D o n ' t w o r r y , there

T h e r e ' s so m u c h already g o i n g o n

participating i n the S p o n s o r e d C i t y

are rules. S o g o a n d s i g n u p . A l s o

that most people c a n ' t help but get

Pub C r a w l

lastly, the H a l l R a g Reps are getting

involved. A l l events will be detailed

course a positive plethora o f people

together at the m o m e n t to organise

in

participating i n the Sponsored N u d e

a

Kamikaze

Gardens o n the Sunday afternoon o f

next

the G u i l d s

week's

Carnival.

Felix,

but

a

s u m m a r y table has been put o n this

for

the Slave A u c t i o n - enquire at the

2 4 hours

with

( F r i d a y 22nd)

and o f

Parachute

Jump

Rag Week Introduction

'Giant C o n g a '

around

Princes

R a g W e e k , so l o o k out f or that.

W i t h a large e n o u g h turn out we could

also

try

and

break

the

C a t e r p i l l a r D a s h r e c o r d - presently held by Y o r k R a g . C o m e and j o i n

page for your information. If y o u ' r e not sure exactly what the events comprise then see last week's F e l i x .

Many

people

already

(Saturday

i n , i t ' l l be a g o o d laugh, p r o v i d e d

23rd).

If y o u ' r e not d o i n g anything yet, then

see either

your

Hall

it d o e s n ' t r a i n .

Rag

V e r y lastly, keep a l o o k out for

have

Representative, S o c i a l R e p o r just

anything else h a p p e n i n g , either i n C o l l e g e o r i n y o u r h a l l . In a week

sponsored events planned, so i f y o u

turn u p to t o d a y ' s o r next w e e k ' s

get the chance please sponsor them.

R a g meetings; there's bundles f or

f r o m n o w things are g o i n g to get

Amongst

everyone to d o , so c o m e and see us.

v e r y s i l l y , so d o n ' t miss out.

Michelle

others,

these

and C a t h y

include

(behind the

If any o f the above sponsored events

desk in the U n i o n O f f i c e ) dressing

appeal to y o u , especially the last

up as T w e e d l e - D u m a n d T w e e d l e -

tw o, c o m e a n d see m e A S A P for

D e e f or the w h o l e d a y ( T u e s d a y ) ,

details

R a c h e l M o u n t f o r d d y i n g her hair

Everyone's

(with permanent d y e ) i n the U n i o n C o l o u r s , Stef S m i t h ( F e l i x ) g o i n g

Dear

Flanaholics

Anonymous,

and

a

sponsor

form.

welcome.

Penguin, R a g C h a i r 91/92.

P S , If anyone has a blue duffle coat (any size) that w e c o u l d b o r r o w for the

Lastly, the C i t y and G u i l d s U n i o n (C&GCU)

Cheers

week,

please

contact

me

urgently.

still require slaves for

s o m e o ne , then p o p up a n d see the

his next target outside Chem

Eng.

happy people i n the G u i l d s O f f i c e

He stopped outside his room.

Even

happen to them, but they don't know

(Mech

E n g L e v e l 3) at anytime

this late in the day he could not be

what

during

Rag Week.

...most

people

it can

Week.

be

like

Everywhere

happening There's

never

during

you

- people getting no

perhaps, anyone

think it will

protection

Rag

Flanning infamous

action

flanned.

immunity f r o m being flanned i n the

the

(except,

face,

peered

it's

and

victim...

is c a r r i e d out by the Guilds

too careful.

contact lenses then y o u c a n obtain

turn

if you 're the Rector) could be the next

If y o u w e a r

H i t Squad.

again

Guilds them,

by popping

Office. they

into the

If y o u d o n ' t

tell

c a n ' t help y o u (that

applies to e v e r y t h i n g really).

A

If y o u think that y o u ' l l be flanned onc e too often d u r i n g the week,

whose sole purpose is to go out and

then fret not, a solution is a h a n d .

flan someone o f y o u r c h o i c e , for a

Complete immunity. However

modest fee. T h e i r excuse for this

does cost. Y o u have been t o l d , the

activity is that a l l the m o n e y raised

choice'is now yours.

goes to c h a r i t y .

it

A Flanner.

his pump

Crouching

pushed

down

he

round the door. Even in the

dim light he could tell that the room was clear.

It was such a relief. He

really realised how on edge

he'd been until now. Now he was safe.

He made a last check, draft excluder

put

there,

walked slowly across

the room

window.

the

against the door

stop any attacks from the

If y o u want to take a H i t out o n

Various Nasties

door.

hadn't

highly organised, finely tuned team,

He readied

shotgun and slowly

That's

when

to and to the

ringing started. It took him a minute in through the door. Now he had

or two to find the package.

cover.

just under his bed. It was a small

The

day had

been

long,

maybe too long. He was starting

to

loose the edge and he knew it. The incident in the Common

Room

had

box

with

an alarm

'Time Bomb'

clock

It was in

and

written neatly on the

top. How it had got there he could

been close, maybe too close. It was

only guess. However

only his quick reflexes, a little luck,

short

the long

and

of it was that he was now

and a clean shot with his pistol that

dead. Just as he realised this there

had saved him there. It was a stupid

was a knock at his door

move to check his internal post. A mistake he would remember

Killer,

there's

...

nothing like it.

not to

T a k e part. T h e idea is s i m p l e : o n

make again. At least now he knew

j o i n i n g K i l l e r y o u are given a target

who was after On reflection good.

Three

already

him.

w h i c h y o u have to 'eliminate'. O n c e

the day had been kills

to

his

credit

eliminated,

you

proceed

to

eliminate your target's target and so

and it was only

Monday.

o n . A l l the while, however, y o u are

two had been

standard

trying to a v o i d being killed b y y o u r

The first

pistol shots, but he had taken pride

k i l l e r , w h o m a y change i f they are

in the third. An aerosol can with the

k i l l e d b y their killer.

top taped down and 'Gas

Grenade'

N e v e r m i n d , take part a n y w a y , it's

written on the side. He'd

thrown it

great fun and there are C a s h Prizes

through the open window, while his target

inside

problem

sheets. He remembered the

pleasure

he'd had, knocking on his

had

been

doing

Confused?

for the W i n n e r s .

T o sign up c o m e along to the R a g Meeting

today,

in

the

Union

L o u n g e at 1 2 . 4 0 p m o r to the I C

target's door and asking him to sign

U n i o n Office on M o n , T u e , or W e d

his death

between 1 2 . 3 0 p m and l . O O p m and

warrant.

It was late now. good night's

He needed a

sleep so he could

up early in the morning

—6—

be

to wait for

ask for W e n s . A l l it costs is £2.50 + 2 photos o f yourself. S o B e M a d , B e S i l l y & B e Part o f It!

Feature

Felix 916

8 November 1991

collections. Neither raise

Rag Week Itinerary

thousands ,

are g o i n g to

b u t they a r e

enjoyable

and are ideal for

that

collecting

like

difficult.

You

those

but find it

won't

necessarily

raise a lot, but what y o u d o raise

Last Sunday IC Rag returned to C o v e n t G a r d e n M a r k e t and

RAG WEEK TIMETABLE Friday 15

Guilds Carnival

again

Union Building

RAG Raid

Bristol (prob)

Sunday 17

Giant Conga

Prince's Gdns

Monday 18

Mines Dirty Disco

Union Building

mugging

First

C&GU Slave Auction Bar Quiz & Auction

Wednesday 20

RCS Beer Festival

to M a i d s t o n e

the

fact

busy.

a few vintage

that

easy. T h e r e ' s none o f this r u s h i n g

people had headed to B r i g h t o n for

u p to people a n d a s k i n g t h e m for a

the day, the turn out was l o w . T h i s

donation , y o u just stand there and

however did not stop a team o f three

people c o m e and put money in y o u r

taking

tin in exchang e for a p o p p y .

£564.03

for Multiple

(a m u s c l e

wasting

We

Smoking Concert Cabaret

Saturday 23

Union Building

The Sponsored Nude Kamekazi Parachute Jump

Harrods to Union Building

then head

b a c k just

in time for the L e u k a e m i a R e s e a r c h

'Womble'

P u b C r a w l . W e ' l l be starting f r o m

W o o d c o c k w h o took £184.68, and

the U n i o n B u i l d i n g at 4 . 0 0 p m , s o

£198.61,

David

T a m s i n Braisher w h o took £180.74

if

all put in great effort o n the day, an

M a i d s t o n e y o u can j o i n us then. It's

w h i c h is reflected

you

don't

fancy

coming to

a tour o f the pubs in and a r o u n d

i n their

totals. T h i s means that T a m s i n , I C

South

R a g ' s current top collector, has now

c h a n c e to get to k n o w t h e m , i f y o u

Ken.

and

i s a n excellent

taken o v e r £1,000 and R a g W e e k

haven't already. If y o u wish to start

hasn't e v e n started yet.

later y o u c a n still t u r n u p at the Union

Congratulations and thanks to all

and

L R will

give

you a

three, especially T a m s i n , e v e n ' i f

c o l l e c t i n g can and a list o f

she d i d n ' t recognise W i l l C a r l i n g

T h e rest is up to y o u . C o l l e c t i n g i n

when she took some m o n e y o f f o f

pubs

him.

captive audience i n a relaxed social

On only

however

is also

Saturday we have what can

atmosphere.

b e regarded

a b o v e all sociable. J o i n us.

as t w o easy

I t ' s easy,

fun

Friday 15th November 8pm till 3am UNION BUILDING, BEIT QUAD featuring

BROTHERS

GRIMM

& WILD ANGELS BAR TILL

D

I

S

C

O

*

C

O

EXTENSION 2am

C

K

T

A

I

L

S

*

C

A

S

I

N

O

*

B

A

R

-

B

-

pubs.

easy.

GUILDS CARNIVAL p l u s

after

l u n c h , when it starts to get slack,

T h e collectors, N i c k A l l e n w h o

effort

Thursday 21

b y the time it gets

C o l l e c t i n g with P o p p i e s is

vehicles and a bundle o f interested

took

JCR (Sherfield)

leave

and an e v e n swifter R a g c a n . D u e

Sclerosis

Mech Eng Union Building

the P o p p y D a y

at about 8 . 3 0 a m so that we c a n get

disease).

Tuesday 19

there's

c o l l e c t i o n in M a i d s t o n e . W e

tourists

with a gentle s m i l e , a swift tongue to

Saturday 16

set about

w i l l be raised with ease.

once

Q

T I C K E T S £5.50 F R O M GUILDS OFFICE (LEVEL 3M E C H ENG)

A and

e

x

T h e r e ' s R o o m at the B a c k Sam Cox took two innocent babes, Jennifer Argabright are meticulously recorded in the following tale.

and Toby Jones, around the country and corrupted

T h e G r e a t B r i t i s h Pub R u n 1991.

says it a l l :

I really d o n ' t k n o w where to start,

' W e hate Bristol, and we hate Bristol.

We hate Bristol and we hate Bristol.

We hate Bristol and we hate Bristol.

We are the Bristol haters.'

m a i n l y because I c a n ' t half

the places

remember

we

visited.

P o r t s m o u t h was the first o f many stops o n o u r Tour

Well,

de Brit.

what c a n I s a y ; the place w a s full o f m e n - girlies get y o u r skates o n and get d o w n there. M o s t o f them

-

Sunday

around

a r o u n d B r i s t o l and a r o u n d B r i s t o l

better than w h a t ' s o n offer

and

here.

around

Bristol...yes

you've

guessed it they have a m a r v e l l o u s

is m u c h to comment o n - sleazy bar,

one

usual p r i c e s , b o r i n g beer. T h e n o n

Bristol

to Southampton. I ' m not really sure

eventually

what the students d o d o w n there,

velocity and ended up at the C l i f t o n

way system...and a n d around we

around

Bristol

reached

until

escape

but they haven't really made an

Suspension Bridge. A lovely view

because

i m p r e s s i o n o n the t o w n - n o b o d y

- v e r y quaint. S o o f f the intrepid

homophobic,

k n o w s where the university is. B y

travellers

heterosexual-males

the time w e d i d find it, the b a r had

Great

went i n search o f the

F r e e W a y to W a r w i c k ,

shut but the c h i p p i e h a d n ' t a n d , i f

town

y o u should ever what to be insulted

most

by a fat Iranian, this is m e place to

p o s s i b l y imaginable. T r e e s ,

be.

I must g i v e

m a n y thanks to

Her evil schemes

Bristol and

w e r e quite sexy a n d a l l o f them O t h e r than that I d o n ' t think there

them beyond recognition.

a

w h i c h has spewed out the 'Americanesque'

campus fields

it w a s sexist,

However, Salford

racist,

anti

white-

and funny.

the U n i o n President o f

d i d hold

o n to a c o p y

but at least she was o f some use here - she k n e w someone just outside o f Liverpool

w h o fed us a slap-up

meal inclusive o f Black Pudding.

T h e poor lass was almost sick w h e n

' p u r e l y f o r reference a n d to show

we told her what was in it. W e were â&#x20AC;˘

e v e r y o n e h o w disgusting Imperial

tempted to stay but w e h a d to get

and so m u c h o p e n space that I ' m

C o l l e g e w a s . ' T h e b a r w a s called

to G l a s g o w a n d the L a n d o f F o g ,

J a c k i e , a g o o d friend o f m i n e w h o

sure

the M a n d e l a B a r , so w e decided not

F o g and m o r e F o g . W h e n w e say

put us u p f o r the night o r rather put

becuse none o f them were i n the

to stay too l o n g . If the F o p p e S o c ,

F o g we mean Fog. 20 foot visibility

up with us f o r the night without

bar.

a.k.a.

at most o n the B o r d e r s . It started

much choice.

welcome anyway,

a l l the students We

were

were

given

a

lost warm

and some v e r y

Right

Heterosexual

Wing

Carnivorous

Minority

Society,

T h e p i l g r i m s then

see the sights a n d p r o m p t l y

fell

one w h o recently put her hand in the

people we met o n the trip. A w a r m

F e l i x collating machine because she

welcome

was

bei ng Jenn), loads o f g o o d

'intrigued'

b y it. C h a r l e s

(warmer

pleasant

f o r o n e , that

Liverpool

close

f o r the her best friend travelling all the way

University was

refined a n d quiet - another However,

beer and a few interesting d r i n k i n g

P o r t s m o u t h , she thought. W e blew

games.

out,

it a n d blew o f f again

drunken debaucherous evening was

towards Salisbury for an even more

had b y a l l a n d a n u m b e r o f g o o d

educational afternoon. A s none o f

friendships started.

fixed

the pubs i n S a l i s b u r y town centre were showing

the R u g b y

Y e s y o u c a n guess,

a

M o n d a y , hung o v e r but fed and

World

watered, we set o f f for Manchester.

C u p , w e went to see the C a t h e d r a l

T h i s w a s that point i n the week

instead, though after s a m p l i n g the

w h e n the 4 0 0 Purity test e m e r g e d

l o c a l brews o f course. A b s o l u t e l y

and

unbelievably gorgeous. If y o u were

o o z e d their way to the surface. A s k

to c o n s u m e

T o b y h o w he managed that with the

some rather

noxious

some

interesting

revelations

substances I ' m sure y o u w o u l d not

shower hose - everyone I've spoken

be able to leave the t o w n

to says it's i m p o s s i b l e .

of

the intriguing

ornamental

because

masonry and

crystals. T h e n o n to

B r i s t o l . A n d n o w for the song that

M a n c h e s t e r has three completely lefty universities - they banned us from

playing i n the M a i n B a r . Sadly, due to lack o f finances, w e had to settle for the L i v e r bar - not as i n L i v e r and B a c o n , but as i n the B i r d s , that crappy

selling the I C U R a g

Mag

â&#x20AC;&#x201D;

70's T V program.

Jenn

wasn't really expected to k n o w that,

cheap

D i c k e n s birth place is apparently i n

o f the

w o u l d be f u n to see the reaction at

Centre

for money to see the band that were

o f the most

hour

security guard w h o thought that it

they d i d have pixies outside begging

some

an unearthly

and got out o f the c a r just i n time

anti-everything college.

with

such

to see the Beatles M u s e u m and the

very

o f f w e went a n d got pissed again

for getting u p a n d letting us i n at m o r n i n g , a n d thanks to J o h n the

night.

rather foolish y o u n g A m e r i c a n w h o

w e r e n ' t sticking to the speed

limit; the car d r o v e far too fast far

asleep. T h r e e hours later we awoke

Animation

c a m e with u s , J e n n . S h e w a s the

we

W e a r r i v e d at the too easily. M a n y thanks to B e c c y

A l b e r t D o c k s all keen and ready to

sound a d v i c e - ' G o to C o v e n t r y

the R i v e r

had a few. A r r i v a l time 3 . 3 0 a m -

Liverpoopole.

P o l y . - it's generally b u s i e r . ' T h u s ,

w e passed

d a y , I ' m sure they w o u l d be made headed W e s t following the signs for

O n Saturday m o r n i n g we headed

after

Ribble - try saying that when y o u ' v e

very welcome.

b a c k i n a n attempt to educate the

just

w o u l d like to p a y t h e m a visit one

HE

f r o m L o n d o n just to see her. W e l l it was really because

the beer is

cheaper up there but d o n ' t tell her.

Tuesday provided the first chance to have a decent w a s h and s o , as repayment, we let B e c c y take us out o n the B e e r o r ' H e a v y ' as they call it up there in the wilds. T h e i r u n i o n b u i l d i n g is unbelievable! N o t o n l y d o they have the socially

aware

M a n d e l a B a r , but there's about five

8 November 1991

Feature

Felix 916 Newcastle,

the

place

where

seen and were b o u n d to sell o n the

o f loud obnoxious hockey players

black market for at least 2 0 p each.

(male and female) singing good o l d

After

traditional bar songs. T o b y has been

debaucherous evening in the B a r we

awarded the Great W h i t e S h a r k fin

headed o f f towards one o f the halls and a comfortable b e d each for the night.

c o m e out o f his shell and is n o w sex

inebriated

on

looking where I was going, I fell off

a

stick.

All

applications

for

g o i n g to tell y o u about the s h o w e r '

I h o b b l e d b a c k to the hall (good

'no

I'm

sympathy p l o y ) ,

but v e r y sexy. L e t ' s just leave it at

p i z z a and went o f f to bed with m y

York.

an attempt was

trusty companions. A t this stage we decided

that N o t t i n g h a m

needed

l i v e n i n g up and so began to sing a

red head (a.k.a S a m C o x ) made a

were then j o i n e d by some

valiant effort to push h i m off the top

w h o tried to c o n v i n c e J e n n that he

a

rather

history or something equally arty-

cling-on.

farty,

boisterous

to

made

inch

full repertoire o f I C B a r songs.

host

off

News

ate a nine

o n T o b y ' s life w h e n s o m e looney

others as w e l l , and a rather large

her

not

Jones c/o F e l i x . Security was tight

steep

(Un)fortunately whisked

totally and

the edge o f the w o r l d - w e l l , the

of

and

being

alcohol

kerb - a n d badly twisted m y ankle.

Flash

town.

by

be

Toby

Thursday,

the

However,

not

to

that before we put o u r feet in it.

around

drunken

in Scotland. Y e s , he has at long last

dinner with this hunk should

pubs

another

for his performances both here and

addressed

of

most disgusting thing they had ever

Newcastle B r o w n comes f r o m . F u l l

he

L i f e was brass

managed

hill.

had some ' very interesting curtains'

to

in his r o o m , a n d that she must g o

relieved by a band

We

'dork'

hopping

back with h i m and l o o k at t h e m .

T h i s taught us one lesson - all m a l e

F e e l i n g the need for a little culture

E d i n b u r g h to see the C a s t l e . J e n n

around the centre o f the market

students are obsessed with getting

after a c o u p l e o f pints, we visited

- b e i n g the t y p i c a l Y a n k e e T o u r i s t

place,

their end away, and that it's not just

G l a s g o w C a t h e d r a l - v e r y gothic.

- attempted to m a k e the guards o n

jackets. T h a n k y ' a l l for getting r i d

those at I C w h i c h have the awful

The

the gate smile. Unfortunately

of

chat up lines.

m u n c h i e s i n d u c e d a trip to

she

dressed

some

in

tension

rather that

bright

had

been

Sainsbury's, which coincidentally had

a

rather

large

wine

F r i d a y , the last day o f o u r trip

shop.

and w h e r e d o w e

D i n n e r was a b l u r , as was the rest o f the e v e n i n g as the ' l o c a l '

Cambridge,

for

the

- we drank them d r y by m i d n i g h t

department;

and were f o r c e d back to the h a l l

Unsociables

some

carry-outs.

The

of

go?

happy

smiles and m a d cyclists. W e enter

B e c c y ' s hall was d o i n g ÂŁ1.00 a pint

with

decide to

that place

best

Electrical

Engineering

Sociables 1. W e

0

go to T r i n i t y

C ol l e ge to track d o w n some friends;

thing about Scotland is the unusual

Sociables 0 - U n s o c i a b l e s 2. W e

licensing laws. It seems to m e that

to F i t z w i l l i a m C o l l e g e ; Sociables 2

at any point, day or night, y o u w i l l find

at

least

Personally next

week

one

I'm -

pub

moving

transfer

up

available

from

University

Admissions

- U n s o c i a b l e s 3. B y this stage we

open.

were getting fed up with rude and

there

forms

insolent personnel and so, without

are

finding

Strathclyde

-

Beware

3rd

floor

Office

though,

the

Scots

hit

at the ripe o l d age o f 17 - this results in them d r i n k i n g all their through

straws

c o m p l e t e l y legless

and

lager

getting

o n about

two

Bar.

Straight d o w n the M l 1, back to the s m o g o f L o n d o n . . . breathe that air

Sherfield).

U n i v e r s i t y one year earlier than us

a n y o n e we k n e w , we sped

h o m e to the trusty o l d I C U

(address available f r o m I C C a r e e r s Office

go

drew

the

undoing

line

at

his flies

going

up

and

- the c h i c k e n .

doesn't

that

feel

better;

the

b r e w i n g for a c o u p l e o f days. O n

knowledge

to

y o u are r e d u c i n g y o u r life span by

Nottingham,

another

very

that with every breath

B e i n g a little bit suicidal and getting

American University. The U n i o n

about 30 seconds. B a c k to C o l l e g e

rather excited about the R u g b y ,

B a r wasn't called the M a n d e l a B a r

and into the F e l i x O f f i c e w i t h the

I

thought it w o u l d be a g o o d idea to

but

shout the England rugby chant at the

emotionally unstable Raggies

was

full

of

some

rather

warmest w e l c o m e we had r e c e i v e d

who

all week - ' y o u ' r e not l e a v i n g that

top o f m y v o i c e . . . l u c k i l y the get-

had just finished their R a g Runs for

b l o w n out tyre in here are y o u ? '

away car was up and r u n n i n g and

the year and w h o

her

had e n o u g h petrol in it to get us to

bought the last 5 0 R a g M a g s we had

f r o m attending a lecture o n social

Newcastle before the Scots got m e .

with us, s a y i n g that they were the

pints.

On Beccy,

Wednesday forcefully

we

kidnapped

preventing

â&#x20AC;&#x201D;9â&#x20AC;&#x201D;

very

willingly

T h a n k s A d a m - it feels great to b e back.

Clubs & Societies

Felix 916

Board Sailing

Mel Who? A u s t r a l i a o f the near future:

Mel

G i b s o n hits the h i g h w a y (hard!) in this,

the

first

of

the Mad

8 November 1991

Little d i d y o u k n o w what y o u were

Max

missing

this

weekend...

Maybe

trilogy, pursuing n o m a d bikers (not

y o u ' l l regret the fact that y o u didn't

a nice bunch) all o v e r the outback

tag a l o n g . . . W h a t was

(and not a r o o in sight). G e t t i n g a

about these few days then, y o u say?

so special

bit cheesed off with being outrun he

W e l l , we kept ourselves a m u s e d

gets his m e c h a n i c p a l to k n o c k h i m

in a variety o f w a y s . T h e blanket

up a souped up T r a n s - A m with an

game...images

air intake that w o u l d surely need a

H o u r s i n the bar were extremely

periscope to see o v e r .

educational

spring

for

those

to

mind.

alcoholics

amongst us. A s for getting changed

U nfortunatel y for his wife and rate

in the w o o d s , w h y weren't we told

bit.

about the p u b l i c toilets a few y a r d s

T h u s they seek vengeance for those

up the road? It w o u l d have saved us

kid,

his

increased

success

annoys the bikers just a wee

o f their n u m b e r that have c o m e o f f

f r o m all those b r a m b l e s . I ' m

worse

the people w h o walked past thought

when

tangling

with

out

leather c l a d h e r o . A l l i n all this is

we

a pretty c o o l film with it's fair share

they just

o f action (ie

there.

violence).

It also explains the hardened M a x

were quite b i z a r r e . pretended

Progressing

Anyway,

we

on

sure

weren't

to

more

that we see in the sequel(s). O f the

interesting matters. Steve,

didn't

three films m a k i n g up the t r i l o g y ,

y o u realise we

every

this is the one to see, f o l l o w e d

single w o r d ?

of

c o u l d hear

What a shame y o u

course b y M a d m a x II (if/when w e

couldn't

show it!).

conversations! W h a t , y o u want us

juicy next

time, y o u s h o u l d have y o u r glasses

film

poised. B y the way, who was it who

then refer to last weeks issue o f F e l i x for details.

our

to speak up? W e l l , perhaps,

If y o u want to j o i n the I C S F and want to see this o r any other

hear

7pm Tues,

12th N o v ,

Mech Eng

220.

ended up s n o g g i n g P h i l ?

E v e n though the reception o f the

SPORTS R E S U L T S

radio was hopeless, we had m u s i c throughout our travels. T h e front o f the v a n p r o v i d e d us w i t h a

WOMEN'S

FOOTBALL

y o u should develop your repertoire.

League: Dribblers

13-0

L o n d o n Hospital

Cup: Dribblers

few

tunes. B u t a bit o f a d v i c e , perhaps I think we k n o w those tunes w e l l enough now:

w e l l , y o u r versions

anyway.

6 - 4

S o , what about the boardsailing?

Kings College Hospital

U n f o r t u n a t e l y , there was not m u c h w i n d . T h e r e f o r e , we p r o b a b l y

Mens

RUGBY 1st 7 - 6

U A U G o l d s m i t h C o l l e g e 1st

got

the most exercise s w i m m i n g about in freezing c o l d water and j u m p i n g f r o m b o a r d to b o a r d .

W e had a great time despite all

T A B L E TENNIS Imperial 14-3 Reading

of

this.

The

promises

next

to

be

weekend even

trip more

interesting. W i l l we be able to d o

BADMINT U A U 9 - 0 M e n s 1st 9 - 0 Mens 2nd 7 - 2 Ladies

M e n s 1st Mens 2nd W o m e n ' s 1st Women's 2nd

m o r e w i n d s u r f i n g , o r w i l l we just

ON

have

R e a d i n g 1st Reading 2nd Reading Ladies

HOCKEY UAU: 1-5 R e a d i n g 1st 0 - 2 Reading 2nd 0 - 3 R e a d i n g W o m e n ' s 1st 0 - 2 Reading W o m e n ' s 2nd

League: Mens Women's

1st 1st

1-0 0 - 5

to change

into the

surfing

club?

Harrow Staines

Town

OLD CENTRALIANS invite y o u to a

Careers Reception For Graduating Students 6 - 8 . 3 0 p m , T u e s d a y 12th N o v Senior C o m m o n R o o m , Sherfield This is an ideal ppportunity to discuss career prospects in most engineering disciplines and management, with OCs and their guests. Wine and light refreshments will be served. Tickets are free to members and ÂŁ2 to non-members, and should be obtained from the Old Students' Association Office (Rm 301, Sherfield) as soon as possible.

8 November 1991

Felix 916

He's Dead, Jim

Boat Club

Clubs & Societies

Dribblers

Orienteering

Last weekend saw the m a i n national

T h e Dribblers showed the m e n how

L a s t Saturday saw the O r i e n t e e r i n g

r o w i n g event o f the t e r m , with 500

to really open the season by beating

C l u b compete

T h e T H H u x l e y (Secular Humanist)

fours racing over gruelling four and

the

University Sprint-0. T h e event, held

Society, in collaboration with I C S F ,

a quarter m i l e s o f the V a r s i t y Boat

Sunday.

London

in B e d f o r d s h i r e , saw a n u m b e r o f

w i l l be using the life and w o r k s o f

Race course.

H o s p i t a l had only 10 w o m e n had

universities competing over a series

the

largest

nothing to do with it. Captain P e r m i

o f ' k n o c k - o u t ' courses. Against stiff

recently

deceased

Roddenberry

-

Gene

Humanist

creator o f Star Trek,

and

IC

entries

had one o f the

with

3

quads,

3

coxless fours and 2 c o x e d fours.

as a starting

The

best

performance

was

London

Hospital

The

fact

13-0

that

last

competition, IC did well. Captain,

8 goals. O t h e r goals c a m e f r o m J o

T . N y s t r o m , was p l a c e d 9th in the

p r o d u c e d by our 1st Q u a d , w i n n i n g

(3), C h r i s (1) and Rachael (1),

of Humanity'.

the S e n i o r 2 D i v i s i o n , and c o m i n g

had finally found the net after two

10th

years.

O n W e d n e s d a y 13th N o v , i n the

overall

behind

crews

of

international standard. T h i s c r e w

s h o w i n g an episode o f Star

consisted

Trek

of

(from the I C S F library). B u t , w h i l e

internationals

nearly e v e r y o n e has heard

(Captain)

about

K i r k , S p o c k and P i c a r d , h o w m a n y confidence

in

the

under-23

Laurence

and

who

T h e p l a y e r o f the match was the

L o n g worth, A . L o v e g r o v e and H .

won

R u t l i n qualified finals.

blades repeatedly with other crews

consistent

Star T r e k is his Humanist Statement

for the last m i l e . T h i s boat c r e w

London

to

i n c l u d e d two o f last years s u m m e r

E t h e l ' s attempts to the c o n t r a r y .

statement? T h i n k about i t . . .

first V I I I ( A n d y

O n T h u r s d a y 14th N o v , at l p m in

the

Union

Building

Green

C o m m i t t e e R o o m (3rd floor), will

start

the

(informal)

and

Ben

Hospital

easily,

the

despite

A f t e r this astounding start to the stuff for the Dribblers the following

T h e coxed

fours

both

finished

third in their respective d i v i s i o n s .

A

suffered

good

row

having

recently

f r o m injury and illness.

w i l l be a d i s c u s s i o n o f the v i s i o n s

The

o f the future

than expected, not yet be i ng up to

other c r e w s p e r f o r m e d

less

week

it was b a c k to the usual

with

a

Cup

King's College

game

against

Hospital. Having a

player

at

Humanists?

President

(Asimov of

the

is

the

American

with

all

but

one

crew

c o m i n g in the top sixty.

Winter

training n o w

earnest with the dreaded

was a leading

pairs matrix! T i c k e t s are n o w

member).

welfare

and

Humanity,

development

and

the

of

Humanist

in

another fire,

f o o d , fancy f o o t w o r k and the band 'The

Blue

Shift'

next

Friday,

N o v e m b e r 8th. O n arrival everyone

y o u r ticket w i l l entitle y o u to a gross-out at the K n y v e s ' n ' F a w k e s barbie, including sausages, burgers

the

ground,

o f p l a y i n g football

and

surprisingly found themselves 2-1 from Permi.

and

coxless

veggie

B u t o b v i o u s l y , this was

not to

burgers.

Inside

the

S i l w o o d m a i n house w i l l be a disco.

O u r live band, ' T h e Blue Shift' was

formed

around

the

Hall

brothers' watertight rhythm section,

on

last, and after 3 successive goals

and their upfront dance-til-you-drop

Boat

Club

f r o m K i n g ' s , the D r i b b l e r s trailed

p h i l o s o p h y a n d m i x t u r e o f classic

D i n n e r in the S C R o n N o v

sale

for

the

annual

16th.

4 - 2 . S o picture the scene, 2 goals

soul and funk is a c r o w d

A n y b o d y interested s h o u l d contact

adrift, 15 m i n s to g o , and an early

every time.

exit f r o m the C u p l o o m i n g .

m o v e m e n t has a ' M a n i f e s t o for the

any

M o r g a n , C h r i s Parks ( M e c h E n g ) ,

other

team

the weakness i n the numbers and

M a r i e k e H a t t o n ( L i f e Sci) or H e i d i

under

the pressure,

p u b l i c i t y o f the m o v e m e n t ,

C h a p l i n (St M a r y ' s ) before Tuesday

almighty D r i b b l e r s .

can it d o to b r i n g about change that

hosts

the

at

Future H u m a n i t y ' . But, considering what

Park

spectacular night o f fireworks,

up at h a l f time, thanks to two goals begins

H u m a n i s t A s s o c i a t i o n - and G e n e

H u m a n i s t are c o n c e r n e d for the

Silwood

V i c t o r i a Station. A f t e r eventually D r i b b l e r s finally got d o w n to the

results,

Silwood

regrouping business

m a n y k n o w that these were

B

gets free sparklers, the bonfire w i l l

lost

fitness due to the late start to t e r m .

How

for the m e n ' s

be roaring, the bar will be open and

Dribblers

They

competent

F.

finally scraped together 11 players,

science fiction writers - like A s i m o v

produced

Don,

the

(a devout T r e k k i e ! ) and H e i n l e i n .

still

S.

showed

beating

a n d N e d Kittoe).

T h e l i n k with the W e d n e s d a y event Humanist

by

League,

proper: ' T h e F u t u r e o f H u m a n i t y ' .

o f other

form

Poulton) and two freshers ( E d W i l d

we

debate

Green

while

it was o f f to the bar for the m a i n

the bed-rock o f Star Trelc? A n d that

clashing

finals,

defender. A f t e r this 13-0 thrashing highlight o f the day - the customary

this

O.

B

boat race. T h e D r i b b l e r s

is

narrowly finals.

into the game towards the end o f the

their d i v i s i o n by o v e r 2 0 seconds

What

s e m i - f i n a l s,

men's

first half, after a back pass f r o m a

(38th

world?

the

m i s s i n g a place in the

John

capacity and future o f H u m a n i t y is

the

and

Morgan

O u r top coxless four also despite

competition,

T . T o t h , a d v a n c e d to

M a g y a r i m o v e d into the w o m e n ' s

fresher

overal l ),

women's newcomer,

goalie, S a n d r a , w h o eventually got

Warnock.

k n o w that G e n e ' s H u m a n i s m and unshakeable

our

Cambrdige

had a quiet game and only scored

point for a discussion o n the ' Future

U n i o n L o u n g e at l p m , we w i l l be

i n the

of

the

following:

Laurence

12th N o v .

would

have

Any

broken

but

not

the

In their true

valiant style, the D r i b b l e r s

fought

pleaser

C o a c h e s w i l l leave B e i t Q u a d at 6.00pm

and

Silwood

around

will

return

midnight.

from The

ticket pri ce includes y o u r c o a c h , food,

band,

disco

and

w o u l d benefit h u m a n beings? W h a t

b a c k , against all o d d s , and l e v e l l e d

role

the

the scores at 4-4 to m a k e the g a m e

p r i c e is £5 and not £7 as advertised

future? W h a t w i l l society be like in

go into extra time (both goals scored

last week. See posters for details.

by

T i c k e t s o n sale

do

Humanists

have

in

the short and long term? W i l l we all (all o f Humanity) enjoy better lives?

W i l l rationalism and science w i n the

Obituary

Permi).

And

indeed

Captain

Perfect scored another two goals in extra t i m e , to finally put the g a m e

day and r e l i g i o n and superstitious

A former Imperial C o l l e g e student,

b e y o n d the reach o f K i n g ' s , and

beliefs

society

D a m o n T h o m a s , w h o finished his

hence taking all the g l o r y .

unethical

degree last July was tragically killed

decline - without

degenerating

into

an

mess?

in a traffic accident in France during

W i l l we

have l o o k e d after

the

precious e n v i r o n m e n t u p o n w h i c h

D a m o n was a former

footballer

and w i l l be

to 'take to the stars' ? It is not just

colleagues o n the field, as w e l l as

technology

for the humour and spirit he brought

our

maturity as a species (ie the misuse of

science

and

technology

by

humans i n so m a n y cases). D o y o u agree

with

confidence

Gene in

Roddenberry's the

future

sadly missed by

his

to the c l u b .

O u r sympathies are extended to his f a m i l y .

-IC

Football C l u b .

of

Humanity? D o y o u think S p o c k was talking about H u m a n i t y w h e n

now.

I would much appreciate it if contributors could edit their own articles before submission. The style of many is depressingly awful and I do not have time to edit them all.

—Adam.

this s u m m e r .

we depend? W i l l we then be ready that matters, but

complimentary sparklers. T h e ticket

he

SCIENCE PAGE If anyone reading this is involved in any Research which they think us mere mortals might be interested in, please get in touch with Kaveh Guilanpour via the Felix Office so that we may all be enlightened. I'm trying to revive the long dead Felix

says ' L i v e l o n g and p r o s p e r ! ' ?

—11 —

Science

Page-So

Please

Help

Me

Student Exchange Register (SER)

Enterprise '91 Careers Fair m a y be aware o f the increased

so that I c a n count the numbers. If

levels o f graduate e m p l o y m e n t at

. y o u do put up y o u r hand, a seat will

You

8 November 1991

Felix 916

Felix

the m o m e n t .

There

is an important

careers

The

Radio 4 programme

'Money

f r o m e x i s t i n g students, and w i l l be

recently featured

scheme

happy

be reserved for y o u o n the c o a c h so

Box'

m a k e sure y o u turn up!

which

can

a

provide

cost-free

event w h i c h y o u might well wish to

a c c o m m o d a t i o n for students. H e r e

visit. T h e E n t e r p r i s e '91

is an e x a m p l e o f how it w o r k s :

Careers on

Student ' A ' vacates a r o o m in his

T u e s d a y 12th and W e d n e s d a y 13th

family h o m e in a U n i v e r s i t y t o w n ,

F a i r is bei ng held in O x f o r d November.

fifty

major

industrial

companies

are

participating

including

Grand

Around

Glaxo,

Metropolitan,

Albright Water,

and

Wilson,

British

Rail

Trondheim

Thames

and

many

International

Student

Festival

in

T r o n d h e i m is a festival for students

U n i v e r s i t y in the t o w n where

some

better

others' address. T h e y can excahgne

understanding

of

other

Both

students

have

registered

cultures and people, and o f course

rooms

are o v e r 500 vacation jobs available

some m e m o r a b l e days in N o r w a y .

duration o f their course and save all

W e w o u l d like to point out that we

rent charges.

The

coaches

w i l l leave

form

please

Stamped Addressed 69

High

and

send

a

E n v e l o p e to:

Street,

Needham

1P6 8 A N .

'A'

lives.

careers and for non-finalists there

c o a c h transport to the e x h i b i t i o n .

registration

lives near the A r t

with S E R and w i l l be sent each

organisers are p r o v i d i n g free

the

C o l l e g e and has chosen to go to the

arranged by students. In d o i n g so

The

onto

fee for o u r service is ÂŁ25.

SER.

we h o p e to g i v e the participants a

at the event.

them

a c o p y o f our b r o c h u r e

M a r k e t , Suffolk.

others. F o r finalists it is an excellent most exciting

The For

away.

opportunity to have a first option o n of Europe's

take

to study at A r t C o l l e g e 200 miles Student ' B '

BNFL,

to

Register.

are

inviting

students,

not

their

organisations.

Imperial

ISFiT-92

would

like to

invite

for

one

term or

for

the

Health Centre Imperial

Since the broadcast, the response

College

Health

Centre,

T u e s d a y 12 N o v e m b e r at 4 . 3 0 p m

has been v e r y g o o d â&#x20AC;&#x201D; w e have been

in

asked

G a r d e n s . A l l patients and potential

by

Admissions'

f r o m under the a r c h w a y i n P r i n c e

students f r o m y o u r s c h o o l to the

provide

C o n s o r t R o a d o n W e d n e s d a y 13th

festival. If y o u have any questions

distribution to U C C A

registration

N o v e m b e r at 1.30pm. T h e coaches

please contact Z o e H e l l i n g e r in the

We

hope

to be

T u t o r s to forms

for

the G r o u p R o o m ,

14 P r i n c e ' s

patients o f the H e a l t h C e n t r e are

candidates.

w e l c o m e . Y o u r opportunity to tell

i n c l u d e d in the

the doctors, nurses and reception

w i l l depart f r o m O x f o r d at a r o u n d

U n i o n O f f i c e or write to University

UCCA

1993, and

staff y o u r ideas about the H e a l t h

5 . 0 0 p m in the evening. If y o u want

of

although the sceme was set up for

C e n t r e and h o w y o u w o u l d l i k e to

to go s i m p l y raise y o u r hand n o w

Norway.

new entrants, we have had enquiries

i m p r o v e it.

BAR

T r o n d h e i m , 7034 T r o n d h e i m ,

Handbook

for

Cocktails by candlelight Every Thursday in the Lounge Bar 5.30pm to 11.00pm Happy Hour 7.00pm to 9.00pm This Thursday only, Southern Comfort 90p a shot

Felix 916

8 November 1991

Feature

Stress turned and ran down the

balance

c o r r i d o r l o o k i n g frantically for a

S l i d i n g d o w n the slope he heard the

o v e r b a l a n c e d and began helplessly

way out. H i s legs and arms pumped

roller skates part c o m p a n y with the

r o l l i n g b a c k d o w n the slope.

frantically, p o w e r e d by implanted

ground for a second before crashing

chips w h o had decided that sending

d o w n close b e h i n d h i m . A piece o f

signals

floor

through his brain was

a

o n the slippery

parted

surface.

company

with

on

H e turned a b e n d in the tunnel to confront a six and h a l f foot

forehead.

The

robot

'LIGHTS A N D SIRENS, AND

its

IRON!

STEEL

friends and flew up into the air with

pointless detour.

Stress's

AND

FIRE

M A S H

WITH

CRUSH

WITH

WHEELS!'

a l o u d bang c l o se to Stress's head.

H o l d i n g his hand o v e r his w o u n d

robot

rollerskater w e a r i n g bright red and green shorts and a six foot sound

welded

system

long

to

one

shoulder. T h i s though was not the thing that c o n c e r n e d Stress but the

T h e Inner S y s t e m

fact that the robot had turned the m a c h i n e full

sound

chanting

o n and

was

in time to the r h y t h m ,

Stress c l a m b e r e d up the rest o f the and

slope and along the further passage

w a v i n g a massive g u n like a heavy

Stress s c r a m b l e d up and staggered

leaving the robot to stomp up the

duty baton.

clumsily up the c u r v i n g slope o f the

slope behind h i m , extracting a new

tunnel. T h i r t y feet up he lost his

gun f r o m its innards.

'I'M A PURSUIT C O P A N D ORDER Y O U T O STOP. TRY

TO

MOVE

'COS

DON'T

DEAD

YOUR

IF

YOU

corridor

bottomed

out

balance again and fell o n his b a c k

Powered

with

new

to stare at his approaching Nemesis.

STOP

T h e robot had reached top speed

looking for somewhere to hide. H i s

MOVE

o n the bottom o f the slope and was

attempts to o p e n the d o o r were cut

HEAD!'

Stress

dashed

down

the

tunnel

n o w hurtling towards h i m , stereo

short as the d o o r was cut short by

back

shaking the walls. Stress watched

another bullet.

d o w n the tunnel, the beat continuing

c a l m l y , adrenalin exhausted, as the

behind h i m .

robot took a i m , fire and b l e w his

Stress

reversed

and

ran

'I'M U N D E R C O V E R A N D THIEF L O V E R SO

NO

I'M

WHILE

I'M R A P P I N G IT'S Y O U I ' L L B E ZAPPING!' a

hand

loud

bang

as

a

piece

of

concrete was taken out o f the w a ll

off

as

weapon

the

exploded.

DONE

'COS

I

I'M

SO

UP!'

A s the robot r o l l e d towards h i m , o n the steep slope

BEGINNING I'M

TO

STARTING

WHICH YOU

TO

OR

THIS

ran across to an open d o o r w a y and dived

into the

darkness.

As

he

until

s c r a m b l e d around in the dark for somewhere to hide he was grabbed

near Stress's head. G l a n c i n g behind

within a few feet he swung at Stress with his one h a n d , passing so close

f r o m b e h i n d and dragged b e h i n d

on

to his head that Stress's

some

rollerskates.

Turning

cerebral

forwards again he saw the tunnel

modifier

slope

down

insignia was torn free f r o m its place

The

following

just

as

he

list

lost

of

his

rules

represent the new regulations

for

chip

with

the

naval

The

most

imporant

point

is

Mascotry is not dead

substantial

these new rules has hopefully got

mainly

as

a

Our

fearless

explorer

is

cornered

by a

rapping

crates

while

a

psychopathic android

voice

whispered in his ear. ' D o n ' t struggle, I ' m a f r i e n d ! '

policeman.

m a s c o t r y at other U n i v e r s i t i e s .

mascotry within Imperial. T h e r e are changes

Motion.

Stress d i d n ' t wait to find out but

h i m he saw the robot gathering pace his

5.

MOVES

BLASTER?'

WON'T

STOP 'TIL I C A R V E Y O U slowing

FIRE

FASTER,

'DAMN THAT GUN BUT NOT

T h i s revelation was accompanied by

own

'YOU'RE TIRE A N D

Chapter

adrenalin

IN

I'M

T H E G R O O V E A N D I'LL YOU

I

The

and

with

Mascotry

Rules

result o f the accident that resulted

a new lease o f life. Please help to

E v e n t s off campus

required

in one m e m b e r o f college b r e a k i n g

make these rules w o r k , i f y o u want

W h e n in the respective department

violations that o c c u r r e d . T h e r e w i l l

his l e g. In agreeing o n these rules

to get i n v o l v e d in mascotry see the

containing the 'safe' cabinet. (Until

be an extra s u m r e q u i r e d f r o m the

there

V i c e President o f y o u r C C U .

arranged

C C U whose mascot was violate the

has

been

much discussion

o v e r the general attitude towards mascotry

and

it is thought

this is to be

number

of

the mascots cannot be stolen b a c k .

Overwhelming 2:1

m o n e y for charity a n d p r o m o t e the

N o b r e a k i n g o f the law or c o l l e g e

identity o f the C C U ' s . T h e

rules.

violate

rules w i l l hopefully a l l o w a m o r e

N o ex-students shall be i n v o l v e d .

harder than even rugby

friendly

prevail,

D a m a g e shall be the responsibility

new

the

most. D u r i n g this exchange p e r i o d

office).

T h e ' o l d ' rules still a p p l y :

idea o f it all is to have fun, raise

to

CCU

that

things have got out o f h a n d . T h e

atmosphere

the

for

numbers

shall

be

T h i s includes the j o u r n e y to and f r o m the event.

All

vehicles

When

are

mascotry the

T h e s u m for v i o l a t i o n shall b e fixed

banned

since

mascot

from

they

are

players. leaves

throughout

should

be

scaled

the

year

between

and the

C C U ' s r e g a r d i n g the relative size o f interest in m a s c o t r y . (£50

for

the

T h e t a o r S p a nne r & B o l t and £20

where everyone will remember it is

o f the individual(s) or the u n i o n i f

department b u i l d i n g c o n t a i n i n g the

for D a v e y are the agreed values for

o n l y a g a m e and w h e n it's all o v e r

the action was sanctioned by t h e m .

safe

1991/92).

for the day both sides w i l l be happy

T h e r e shall be no damage to college

unless agreed otherwise p r i o r to the

D u e to l o w numbers the R S M U

to have been together.

property.

event. T h e boundary for the R C S U

w i l l , until further notice, make their

A s w e l l as the rules b e l o w other activities

with the mascots

have

A l l the mascots should be placed o n

been s u g g e s t e d — s u c h as a charity

display

challenge. T h e idea bei ng that one

department

C C U challenges another, for a s u m

cabinets w i l l be safe,

to R a g , to d o something silly with

will

their

mascot.

RCSU

playing

snooker o n the Q u e e n ' s L a w n using Theta

as

a

cue

was

one

such

suggestion.

be

Mike,

assembled the

College,

mascot

and

also

to l o o k

after

it b e c o m e s

violate

whilst T h e t a is kept in the office

mascot inviolate apart f r o m the R a g

shall be Imperial C o l l e g e

W e e k activities detailed a b o v e .

Road.

a

D u r i n g R a g W e e k s the mascots

college—these

w i l l be out every day and i f stolen

mascots must appear at a m i n i m u m

CCU's

are to be returned by m i d n i g h t o f

o f two C C U events per term w h e r e

in its

that day. A score o f the respective

they are violate.

cabinet but it remains violate to

violations w i l l be kept. A t the end

V i o l a t i o n o f the rules shall result

other colleges.

o f the week a mascot exchange w i l l

in a fine for R a g fixed by I C U E x e c

in

cabinets o f the

not violate

within i.e.

a mascot

Other

than

Rag

Weeks,

the

take place so that each C C U has a

o n appeal o f the offended

the f o l l o w i n g times:

different mascot and that mascot is

D u r i n g R a g W e e k s i f the mascot

Freshers' Reception

possessing it, ( nominally for three

T h e mascots shall be inviolate at

the

It is h o p e d that a joint C C U team will

cabinet

responsibility

of

the

CCU

of

Imperial

Freshers' Fair

weeks) and the 'captured' mascot is

to

promote

Freshers' Dinners

to be used to help raise the m o n e y

13

CCU.

fails to appear that w i l l count as a violation.

T h e Spirit o f the rules is to be u p h e l d at all times.

8 November 1991

Felix 916

Music

Fatima Mansions — Berties Brochures

This Picture — Borderline

closet queens w h o m a k e it a c r i m e

the corpse o f some g r i n n i n g w i t c h -

to be gay'. B o t h quality and quantity

hag f r o m her w h o l l y

o f v e n o m are unbelievable as lines

rest in ' M a r i o V a r g a s Y o n i ' .

like ' Y o u l o o k like the type

who

likes to suck a big p i p e ' and ' F u c k you, Showbusiness'

introduction to this b a n d .

so,

as

the end

approaches

through the unrestrained beauty o f

are spat out.

' L o n g A b o u t N o w ' and ' T h e Great

A n d this is all over a manic hip-hop

V a l e r i o ' (both c o v e r versions), the

beat I ' m not g o i n g to waste time with an

And

undeserved

and

a

wizened

warble

of

R . E . M . ' s c h o r u s . Y o u want to see

great pop

icon/iconoclast C a t h a l

Coughlan

emerges

as

a

blazing

If y o u

T h e lead singer o f This Picture like

a

whirling

dervish,

is

like

a

d o n ' t k n o w t h e m by n o w , then y o u

hyperactive T i m B o o t h , his arms

obviously have reading difficulties,

f l a i l i n g , and his bare feet leaping

ie, y o u d o n ' t k n o w h o w to. Y e s ,

and b o u n d i n g across the stage.

I've been waiting for this, one o f the

think it's called presence. Whatever

best

world's

bands

new

album

I

it is, h e ' s got it.

( m i n d y o u , I a m biased). I a m also

T h r e e weeks back, Pebbles said that

a l l o w e d , E d i t o r W i l l i n g , to c o n v e y

the lyrics, and I quote, ' m a k e about

emotion

in

(Thanks,

extreme Adam)

invective which

as m u c h sense as a parrot on speed.'

is,

incidentally, the o n l y apropos

T h e y made sense to me, particularly

of

as they d i d n ' t play their single, with

C a t h a l C o u g h l a n and his not-so-

lines such as T think h e ' s a tree',

merry men.

but I d o n ' t k n o w whether that says

T h e a l b u m opens w i t h ' B e h i n d the

m o r e about the l y r i c s or about m e .

Moon',

O f the songs they d o p l a y ,

a l a n g u i d acoustic strum

elegantly t r i c k l i n g through anger,

Sweet Religion

inadequacy and all resultant abuses-

best,

'She

style,

says

meaning

'Go', 'You

meaning have

'Stay',

to

but This

melodic

Picture's

coupled

singer's

pay".

Death

stands out as the with

their

evident madness,

lead makes

them a band to see, i f y o u get the

C a t h a l ' s passion is i m b u e d i n the lovely pianissimo arrangements like

chance and y o u have, i f y o u c a n

Elvis

face

Costello

Fagen,

or

continues

playing

vice in

the

versa,

Donald and

title track;

seeing

Midge

Ure,

because

t h e y ' r e supporting h i m .

this

Lise Yates.

an

embittered tale o f a y o u n g Irishman d i s i l l u s i o n e d and m i s u n d e r s t o o d i n r

Rodeo Jones - G e t Wise

'freakshow B r i t a i n ' . It c o u l d almost be a u t o b i o g r a p h i c a l , but there's no time here

for

reflection.

If

you

thought ' B l u e s for C e a u s e s c u ' was England,

Monarchy,

dynasty/nepotism

viciously

castrated by m e n with guitars for shears,

the

bastard

rewrite

of

R . E . M . ' s ' S h i n y H a p p y P e o p l e ' is the

coup

de

grace,

a

vibrator

w r a p p e d i n barbed w i r e and stuffed up ' T h e w e l l - s p a n k e d arses o f the

11AIRDRHSSHRS ISA H A R R I N G T O N R O A D , SOUTH KENSINGTON

those famous faces b l u s h like their

embodiment

well-spanked

P u b l i c Image L i m i t e d and Steely

arses?

Phone

my

two

faves,

K i t c h e n w a r e R e c o r d s and get them

D a n . H e w a l k s a r m i n a r m with

to release this as a single.

beauty

Before

long,

recharges M y sense o f both. L e t us

nation'

with

' T h e M o t h e r o f the her

'Monkey

shit

b r o w n h a i r - r i n s e ' is e x h u m e d like

and

hatred

while

he

not forget, anger is an energy.

David.

Dylans/My Life Story — Underworld

W h a t c a n I say, a re-release o f a r e c o r d that was rightly ignored the first time. It is a dreadful dirge that contains e v e r y t h i n g to m a k e

the

perfect chart ' d a n c e ' r e c o r d . Y o u

071-823 8%H W c have a fantastic offer for all you students, a cut wash and blowdry by our top stylist (which normally costs around £21) F o r only £11 M e n £12 W o m e n Check us out !

k n o w the sort o f thing, the annoying

listen to m e , listen to h i m . trainspotter

b o o m i n g back beat, crap synths and

b a n d . A n y band that sells a p a r k a

her v o i c e , let's just forget about it.

Dylans

The

are

coat with a Dylans and

looks

probably

like spend

a

badge sewn o n , this

band

does,

their spare

Just to w i n d me up even m o r e they put three m i x e s o f the same

time

song together, what great value. W e

l o o k i n g for trains, w e l l , I k n o w I

have a 7 " edit (the one t h e y ' l l play

d o ( A l e x ) . If y o u close y o u r eyes,

o n the radio), a extended m i x (the

they're m u c h better, indie stuff. But

7 " edit with a three minute l o o p it)

recorders,

someone, stand up the guilty venue,

and

k e y b o a r d s , and other instruments

pulled the band five songs into their

radically different.

My

Life

have SOUTH * ^ ENSlNGTON

of

not

Story are different. T h e y

violins, usually

flutes,

associated

with

set, to the lead

singer's

closing

' Y o u were r o b b e d ' .

If it

pop/indie style stuff, but they are,

remark

and they d o it d a m n w e l l . T h e y are

wasn't for My Life Story, we would

also

have been.

reportedly

favourite

band.

Miles Hell,

Stuffie's you

won't

Lise Yates.

— 14—

the

mix

that

is

supposedly

T h e o n l y point o f interest is the ring m a r k o n the C D , y o u ' l l have to buy it to find out.

It'll be a hit.

Pebbles.

Felix 916

8 November 1991

Ned's Atomic Dustbin — Kilburn National a

seething

mass

Music

The Wonder Stuff — Camden Palace o f hot sweaty

bodies a n d J o n n 'the singing m a n ' , finished it o f f in fine style b y falling u n c o n s c i o u s and p l a y i n g d e a d . . .

The

next

night

was C a m d e n

Palace's 5th Birthday Party, and all the rumours were for an appearance o f N e d ' s . It d i d n ' t take l o n g before w o r d got r o u n d that ' J o n ' had been taken i l l , and so Ned's appearing.

First

were not

the Power

of

N e d ' s are ones for o r i g i n a l i t y , a n d

Dreams played, w h o I thought were

this reflects in the m u s i c ; i f y o u ' v e

g o o d , but most o f the interest was

heard o n e , w e l l b a s i c a l l y ,

you've

o n w h o was to f o l l o w . W e l l I was

heard them a l l . D o n ' t take that as

w e l l impressed w h e n The

a c r i t i c i s m , since that one song is

Stuff

Wonder

took the stage, a n d so w a s

dead g o o d . T h e band started o f f in

e v e r y o n e else i f the shouting was

fine style only to c o m e to a grinding

anything

halt three times due to a somewhat

were

dodgy P A . T h i s enabled the fans to

played

subject the band to the rather typical

material

to g o b y . T h e

completely just

their

and

Stuffies

brilliant and early,

were

wild, beyond

chants o f ' Y o u ' r e S h i t e ' and ' F a t c o m p a r i s o n to most other bands.

B a s t a r d ' . B u t w h e n they d i d p l a y , it was s t o r m i n g , with faves such as Kill

TV, etc. T h e floor was

Your

I left C a m d e n w e l l satisfied, a n d

B r i x t o n — g e t a ticket and be there,

out that den o f teeny indie-boppers

to

or at least wander o v e r the C a m d e n

everywhere.

D e c e m b e r when the Stuffies play at

Palace o n a Tuesday night, and seek

am

now looking

forward

Black Rock Coalition — History of the Future seems

IC

rather w a r p e d .

e

T h e tracks

range f r o m mellow tunes, more like ballads,

to the m o r e

Radio Sun

typical

s c r e a m i n g guitars and screetching

8am

v o c a l s . A t least they d o n ' t sing the same m a c h o l y r i c s as most other are based

personal Just to start I w o u l d like to say that I hate c o m p i l a t i o n records and r o c k

around

problems

and racial

one song forty minutes l o n g . S o r r y but this a i n ' t m y t h i n g .

Chris &

11am

Mark

12pm

Pebbles.

1pm

Manic Street Preachers — Repeat/Love's Sweet Exile attempt

to sound

Clash!,

is it the c o m p l e t e l a c k o f

like

the early

5pm

to write one song that w o u l d be the definitive r o c k a n d r o l l s o n g , take

6pm

the w o r l d b y storm a n d l i v e o f f the I was asked, n a y , requested, n a y ,

royalties for the rest o f their lives.

told,

point i n this

D o n ' t give u p y o u r day j o b s , lads.

make

T h e y have s o m e talent; they k n o w

I

should

c o m m e n t about this b a n d ' s Something 'Maniac

like

Strip

variation. W e l l ,

calling

Prats'

or

some name. them some,

which

way round

to h o l d

B a c k to the subject that started

T h i s sort o f dictatorial leadership is

better piss-takes o f their name, send

As

f o r the r e c o r d ,

9pm

10pm

them to the F e l i x office before next F r i d a y a n d the best suggestion gets

it's crap.

W h e r e shall I start, is it the v a i n

David

Lane

Lane

David Lane

David Lane

David Lane

Sat

IMPERIAL COLLEGE RADIO MORNING MUSIC JAM

Matt

Chris Holgate

Matt Smith

Gareth Mitchell

11pm

it. ( T h e r e c o r d I m e a n ! ) Pebbles

•15-

Dan

The Man

Amanda

Gareth Mitchell

IMPERIAL COLLEGE RADIO

Robin

Liz & Jim

Griff

Catherine

Tom

C

AFTERNOON MUSIC JAM Mark Goodier

Ben &

National Top 40

Mike

Taz

Catherine

8pm

their

this review. I f y o u c a n think o f any

founded o n .

David

7pm

guitars.

what c a n I say.

the k i n d o f thing revolutions a r e

Fri

4.30pm

T h i s lot said that they were going

review

Thu

Smith

2pm

any song?, is it hell? Y e s

that at some

Wed

N o n e o f the tracks stick i n m y m i n d , they a l l seem to b l e n d into

c o m p i l i n g this c o l l e c t i o n

10am

problems.

m u s i c , so perhaps I ' m not the best T h e idea o f r o c k m u s i c is that the

Tue

love,

person to review this. person

n

999khz

9am

groups o f this type d o .

Lyrics

Stu.

James

Joe N

Jon

Gavin Knott

Feroze

Omer

Jon

Neil J

Feroze

Southern Trev

Steena

Richard Collins

Sara & Alison

Chung

Chris Collison

Rick &

Graeber

Mark Chang

Mat

Melissa & Cath

Karl & Jon

Staircase Six Request Show

Flas

A.J.

Neil Jackson

Taz News Desk

Marcus

Karl & Jon

David

Marcus

Me Mark

Mac

: Page

RADIO LUXEMBOURG THROUGH THE NIG HT

Felix 916

Reviews

8 November 1991

T h e Fisher King But e n o u g h . . . cut the c r a p . . . cut the h y p e . . . roll the credits.

T e r r y G i l l i a m has i m p r o v e d with time, and this is without any grain o f doubt, his best film. It is perfect.

R i c h a r d L a G r a v e n s e ' s plotline is minimal T e r r y G i l l i a m is m a d . T h e years o f drawing

strange

Monty

highly

effective

in

for

in the two hours seventeen minutes

Circus

o f screen time. R u m o u r has it that

animations

Flying

Python's

but

a l l o w i n g the characters to d e v e l o p

melted his b r a i n . T h e cabbage o f a

it has been shortened for

m a n that was left went o n to direct

today w h i c h w o u l d be a pity; it was

a series o f films that were nothing

by no means o v e r l o n g in the first

i f not o r i g i n a l . T h e y are considered

place.

by many to be superlative examples o f fiction with surreal influences...

W a t c h i n g the

film,

release

it was

very

easy to forget that m y screen i d o l

p l a y i n g the

most o f the film relates to a critical

role o f P a r r y . Parry was P a r r y . H e

ten seconds. It is as i f a pebble the

Robin Williams

was

was real. H e was a m a n . H e c o u l d

size o f the w o r l d was t h r o w n i n a

Jeff

lake at that point, the tidal waves

have

been

me.

Similarly,

B r i d g e s ' talent was brought out b y

spreading out and affecting a l l . It

T e r r y G i l l i a m , and the feeling that

obliterated

he was an actor soon evaporated as

nearly k i l l e d the thrower.

the m o o d o f the f i l m took o v e r .

Similarly, Amanda

Mercedes

Plummer

Ruehl,

and

Michael

Jeter p r o v i d e great support.

those

close

by,

and

I d o n ' t really have to tell y o u to see this film. It's g o i n g to be a hit, i f o n l y because o f R o b i n W i l l i a m s .

It should be a hit, not for h i m alone,

I've already stated that there was

but because the film is a beautiful

very little storyline. V e r y little does

piece o f w o r k , f r o m all i n v o l v e d .

happen, but what does is o f great

I smell Oscars.

significance.

Events

throughout The

Fisher

recur

King,

Stef.

and

The T w o J a k e s Dead Again tempered G e r m a n c o m p o s e r , in the 4 0 ' s . S o short-tempered it seems that he k i l l e d his wife for letting a reporter, p l a y e d by A n d y G a r c i a , hold her leg. W h a t makes the whole thing eerie is the fact that G r a c e bears a startling resemblance to the V,

w i f e , and C h u r c h looks i n c r e d i b l y

m a s s i v e hit, n o w Jack N i c h o l s o n

Kenneth Brannagh takes up the dual

like the m a d composer. W i l l history

directs the sequel. Set again i n L o s

role o f actor and director in his

Angeles

latest effort, D e a d Again.

Fifteen years ago Chinatown

twenty

years

As

was a

after

the

in his debut

or

is

the

P.I.

as

plays

a g r i p p i n g y a r n , with plot twists

N i c h o l s o n sets up a husband to

the identity o f a mysterious mute

galore, and Brannagh shows that he

confront his wife in bed w i t h her

w o m a n w h o has amnesia. C h u r c h ,

can

for convenience, names her G r a c e ,

thrillers as w e l l as Shakespeare. A s

husband

cannot stop the m o v i e s l i p p i n g into

F o r the most part, Dead Again

handle

good

is

old-fashioned

shoots the wife with a gun that could

o v e r i n d u l g e n c e . It is also difficult

and

Emma

w e l l as thrills, he also p r o v i d e s a

not have been in the r o o m . S i m p l e

to fault the acting o f the r i c h and

T h o m p s o n , plays her. A s y o u m a y

few laughts, s o m e o f w h i c h c o m e

enough? Y o u ain't seen nothing yet!

famous (and talented) people

who

remember, T h o m p s o n too appeared

f r o m R o b i n W i l l i a m s , w h o makes

T h e l o v e r was i n fact the husband's

appear,

how

in the aforementioned Henry

a b r i e f appearance as a d i s g r a c e d

business partner, and the husband

beautiful

California

is.

stands to g a i n $6 m i l l i o n o n his

U nfortunatel y

the

not

death. O b v i o u s l y o u r J a c k smells a

stand alone

rat and starts to investigate. T h i s is where it starts to get

confusing;

show

and

(again) film

does

Brannagh's

private

itself,

detective, w h o is h i r e d to d i s c o v e r

this, the

a

repeat

innocent as he seems?

o r i g i n a l , N i c h o l s o n is onc e again

During

Church,

In it he

J a c k Gitties.

lover.

Mike

f i l m , Henry

Coincidence, I'm As

wife,

V.

sure.

C h u r c h tries

psychiatrist. T h e problem is, as well

to trace

this

as the deliberate c o m e d y , there are

w o m a n ' s origins, an antiques dealer

a couple

C h i n a t o w n so it is unlikely to make

who

also just happens to be into

laughter is unintentional, l i k e the

any B o x O f f i c e i m p a c t .

h y p n o t i s m turns u p , with a v i e w to

over-the-top c l i m a x , for instance.

without reference

to

of

moments

when

the

helping G r a c e by p l a c i n g her in a

S t i l l , d o n ' t let that put y o u off, as

be awful and his c h e e k y g r i n keeps

trance.

this is one o f the most original films

appearing and a O i l B a r o n is trying

the f i l m g o i n g

character, and incidentally, his last

I've

to elbow in o n the o i l underneath the

s l o w points. If y o u haven't

appearance

r e c o m m e n d it wholeheartedly.

w h i l e this is g o i n g o n , flashbacks to

the

original

Chinatown

keep

A l l the same N i c h o l s o n can never through its m a n y seen

land the h u s b a n d ' s business is built

C h i n a t o w n then y o u d o n ' t stand a

on.

c h a n c e , so go and see B o y z ' n ' the

A l t h o u g h N i c h o l s o n was b o r n to play sleazy low-life detectives, this

H o o d instead.

Jonty G R

Derek

Jacobi

plays

onscreen

surprise, surprise, Henry

was

this in,

V.

W h a t happens is that G r a c e has a pastlife e x p e r i e n c e , regressing to

Wizard.

her life as the wife o f a rather short-

seen

in a long t i m e , and

S c o r e : 8/10.

Ronnie C .

I

8 November 1991

Felix 916

Reviews

Figaro's Wedding production o f the season, and worth Jeremy

Sams

has

c o m p a c t e d the epic

the

wait.

into a

mere

three hours o f side-splitting bliss.

T h i s v e r s i o n c o u l d just as w e l l be the original, with the sumptuous use o f expletives, ' T h a t bastard F i g a r o ! ' Opera

is

not

incomprehensible

dull at

the

or ENO.

for

one,

and observation.

E v e r y p e r f o r m a n c e is i n E n g l i s h ,

'Women

the language spoken by the p e o p l e ,

headaches.'

rather

than

found

of

my

class

don't

get

in

T h e sets are s h o c k i n g and add to

a

the v i v i d audacity o f the characters,

patch o n the real thing. T h e y ' v e got

all i n p e r i o d costume. T h e opera is

dictionaries.

that

When

propositioned, F i g a r o ' s wife replies

Hollywood

isn't

l o v e stories, rampant orgies

and

borne

of

an

plenty o f c a r n a l sins that w o u l d be

aristocracy

banned o n T V . Figaro's

partners,

Wedding

has got the lot. Its a c o m i c tale o f love,

lust,

deceit

and

jealousy,

age

who,

indulge

of

bored

the

idle

of

their and

F i g a r o ' s jealousy. T h e assumptions

faultless portrayals o f scheming and

seduction o f their lessers and peers.

in charade

and defences b e c o m e m o r e absurd

envy.

F i g a r o , the C o u n t ' s manservant, is

until the w h o l e leaves y o u c r i n g i n g

worm

due to wed his beloved Susanna, the

as i f it were the F a w l t y T o w e r s o f

London

themselves out o f the most a w k w a rd

C o u n t e s s ' m a i d . T h e C o u n t is far

1786.

D e c e m b e r . T i c k e t s are p r i c e d f r o m

o f situations. H o w

happier

forcing

the

players

to

would you, a

at the

until

19

T h e orchestra, conducted by Paul

£6.50 but reduced p r i c e tickets are

D a n i e l , p l a y e d p r e c i s e l y , i f a little

available f r o m 10am o n the day o f

insanely jealous, i f untrue, husband

keeper m a r r y F i g a r o to repay an

r a c y , but that reflects the action.

the p e r f o r m a n c e

£4.

Its

demands entry whilst y o u are busy

unpaid l o a n . A s the C o u n t e s s and

B r y n T e r f i l p r o v i d e d a vast F i g a r o

cheaper than the c i n e m a and

far

Susanna learn o f the C o u n t ' s intents to

a lustful page-boy

as

a

w o m a n to seduce h i m ?

This

specially

adaptation Marriage

of

of Figaro

commissioned Mozart's

The

is the first new

to

runs

seduce

dressing

continue

„

Wedding Coliseum

Susanna and let his frumpish house-

reputable C o u n t e s s , reply to y o u ' r e

to

;

Figaro's

at o n l y

against C a t h r y n Pope's quick-witted

more

happiness

and

Susanna. H o w e v e r , it was A n t h o n y

p e r f o r m a n c e is u n i q u e and a c o m i c

continue to betray his wife,

they

M i c h a e l s - M o o r e and Joan R o d g e r s

spectacle w e l l worth a visit.

thwart

their

c o n t r i v e a series o f deceptions to

as

humiliate the C o u n t and

A l m a v i v a w h o took the show with

dampen

the

Count

and

Countess

entertaining.

Every

Dissident

IS

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Imperial College SherSeld Building SWT

STA TRAVEL —17—

Felix 916

Union

8 November 1991

The President Speaks . it i f the signs were returned. Please

Sports Centre

structure,

F o l l o w i n g lengthy negotiations with

been made a n d affect you ? N o w is

postgradute

w h o is interested i n

contact m e o n ext 3501 i f y o u have

Val

Facilities

y o u r chance to v o i c e t h e m . S i r E r i c

their life at Imperial a n d h o w to

any information o n the whereabouts

Griffiths,

A s h , the R e c t o r , w i l l be ' o p e n to

i m p r o v e it should be there.

o f the signs. If they are returned by

Straw

Manager) ICU

(College

b y Jonathan

D e p u t y President, the sports

decisions

questions'

on

which

Thursday

centre has returned the canoe a n d

November

d i v i n g c l ub to their relative correct

2 1 3 . T h e r e w i l l be other

at 5 . 3 0 p m

have

A l l o f these are at 5 . 3 0 p m . E v e r y

next week then no further action

21st

in Huxley

w i l l be taken.

Union Signs

support

Over

detailed

purchased some expensive a n d nice

Angus

signs for each r o o m i n the U n i o n

T h e events o f welfare week seemed

Fraser,Managing Director, G o r d o n

B u i l d i n g . T h e s e were designed to

to g o w e l l except for the lack o f

decisions have been made yet. W h a t

M a r s h a l , D i r e c t o r o f Estates and

m a k e the b u i l d i n g m o r e accessible

attendees. I do apologise for the late

we need is y o u r o p i n i o n o n what

John A r c h e r , P r o Rector. Questions

so people knew w h e r e they were

publicity but this is due to a number

changes

see

can be o n any relevant topic such

g o i n g and they were also requested

o f reasons—mainly lack o f helpers.

may

as the plans f or the sports centre o r

by

the changes i n the c o l l e g e d a y .

Unfortunately,

times o f using the s w i m m i n g p o o l .

staff

However,

answers

there are still plans to

i m p r o v e the facilities although no

you'd

implemented

like

so

to

that

we

represent e v e r y o n e the best when it goes

to a c o m m i t t e e .

there

to

provide

including

Therefore

the

the

summer,

the

students

Union

last

some

year. juvenile

Welfare Week

D u e to the lack o f numbers, I d o n ' t know

whether

the

service

is

m e m b e r s o f o u r c o m m u n i t y have

required.

P G Meetings

considered it ' g o o d sport' to remove

any

T h i s week there are meetings in the

those signs. I shoul d imagine the

arranged

Jonathan c/o the U n i o n Office asap.

following

thought

have been h e l d , please write m e a

• C h e m E n g & Aero in C h e m E n g

like:

Rector's Question Time

L T 2 o n the 11th.

b e d r o o m ' . T h i s is blatant theft and

please

fill

out

questionnaire

the

and

following

return

it to

departments:

process

'It w i l l

went

look

something

better

in m y

D o y o u have a n y questions y o u ' d

• E l e c E n g i n L T 4 0 8 o n the 12th.

is illegal. It is also unfair o n other

l i k e to put to the R e c t o r

• C i v E n g i n L T 2 0 1 o n the 13th.

IC

College

policy,

about

management

• C o m p u t i n g i n L T 1 4 5 o n the 14fh.

as part o f a c l u b o r i n d i v i d u a l l y ?

the events should

note.

Thanks

knowing

the F r e s h e r s ' dinners last w e e k -

w h i c h rooms are w h i c h , and (b) the

w e l l done a n d thanks for r e c e i v i n g

inconvenience

of

not

cost to the u n i o n o f replacement

all m y jokes (sorry about

must c o m e f r o m somew here

though!).

so it

means w e must cut other budgets 1. H o w often d o y o u use the f o l l o w i n g facilities a n d do y o u use them

about

o r events w h i c h

I forgot to thank the C C U ' s f or a l l

because

(a)

comments

the

students

of

C o u l d anyone w h o has

for

example

bar p r o m o t i o n s

or

events c o u l d be affected.

Steve's

A l s o thanks to the R C S for letting me ride o n Jez d o w n to B r i g h t o n o n S u n d a y , I h a d a great time.

M a n y students w o u l d appreciate

Zoe' Hellinger, I C U President.

Swimming Pool

Squash C o u r t s

Weights

Room

'M •

A

IT

If

g

j

!

^3

Changing Facilities Southside G y m Free Weights

Room

Lovely Meetings

afterwards f o r the collectors a n d

Because this is written o n M o n d a y ,

with

I c a n ' t be too sure o f this w e e k ' s

colleges it shoul d be f u n .

happenings but hopefully the U G M

300

students

from

other

O n M o n d a y there's a r e c o r d sale

anyone

in the J u n i o r C o m m o n R o o m a n d

enjoyed it that m u c h then y o u ' l l be

in the evening there's ' G a y m e r s O l d

R i f l e Range

went

fine

last

night.

If

2. W h a t facilities d o y o u think the sports centre c o u l d p r o v i d e ?

glad to k n o w that any student c a n

E n g l i s h Party N i g h t ' . T h i s involves

call something s i m i l a r . T h e s e are

cheap cider g i v e - a w a y s and a l i v e

called

band.

Extraordinary

Meetings

(EGMs).

General

T o d o this,

prepare a m o t i o n and submit it with one hundred 3. W h a t facilities do y o u think the sports centre s h o u l d n ' t p r o v i d e ?

members

o f union

signatures

to the President.

This

B a r quiz and disco show up again o n W e d n e s d a y for a g o o d tap a n d brain-storm followed

session.

This

is

by ' T h e R e d Zone' o n

forces the U n i o n to h o l d a meeting

T h u r s d a y , a night i n the bar with

within three weeks.

cocktails and lots m o r e

fun a n d

frolics. T h e n , o n F r i d a y , i t ' s time for a quiet week. R a g W e e k k i c k s

Events 4. If y o u have seen any facilities at other universities, what d o y o u believe

Party,

they have that w e lack?

weeks.

T h e price in

comments

d o y o u have

o n the current

pricing

strategy?

like a nice quiet and restful time, I

is £5 (not as

r e c o m m e n d y o u stay tucked up i n

previous

weeks)

bed with a m u g o f H o r l i c k s for a

including coach travel. T h e r e is also

week.

an ents d i s c o until 2 . 0 0 a m i n the

h o w e v e r , go to the events and be

U n i o n Lounge, Beit Q u a d .

c r a z y (or e v e n m a d , silly a n d part

is

Tomorrow What

off with G u i l d s C a r n i v a l . S o , i f y o u

in previous

as mentioned

mentioned

5.

Bonfire

is the S i l w o o d

Tonight

Research

Pub

the

Leukaemia

Crawl/Collection.

If y o u ' r e

not that

boring

o f it as some flightless birds w o u l d have it).

F o r those not g o i n g to M a i d s t o n e

T h a t ' s m y lot, see y o u i n the bar.

with R a g , teams c a n register f r o m

Steve Farrant, I C U H o n Sec (Events).

10.00am Building.

—18—

onwards There

i n the U n i o n is

a

disco

8 November 1991

Felix 916

A n up-to-the-minute guide to events

MONDAY

in a n d around Imperial

RockSoc Meeting

College.

T h e deadline f o r entries f o r this

Southside Upper Lounge.

page is 1 2 . 3 0 p m the Monday p r i o r

Parachute Club

to publication.

Brown Committee Room.

FRIDAY 12.30pm

Southside Upper Lounge.

12.30pm

Conservative Soc

12.40pm

Rag Meeting

1.00pm 4.30pm

Kung Fu C.U.

5.00pm

Prayer Meeting

Yoga

5.30pm

Caving Club Meeting

reopened. Men's Team.

Southside Upper Lounge.

6.00pm

6.30pm

Swimming Sports Centre.

7.30pm

6.00pm

308 Computing.

7.30pm

IC Shotokan Karate Water Polo

7.30pm

Sports Centre.

8.30pm

6.00pm

C.U.

Forbidden Planet. Meet in library.

6.40pm

Fencing Club Training

3 r d World 1st

Shaolin System

Stall 7.30pm

Nam Pai Chuan Southside G y m .

12.30pm

E F 403B. I C U Christian Outreach.

8.30pm

Green Committee Room. A l l

RCS

Sports Centre.

Southside Disco

Christianity

7.30pm

Swimming Club

12.30pm

Riding Club Meeting Boardsailing 4.30pm

Kung Fu Club

W u Shu Kwan in Southside G y m .

IC Shotokan Karate

10.00pm

Radio Modellers

• T h e r e are three Careers T a l k s this

Jim!).

coming

12.00pm

Ladies Tennis

1.30pm

Cycling Training

F o r d o f D R A Aerospace Division (RAE)

1.15pm

in R o o m L T 2 5 3 Aero Eng 12th N o v e m b e r —

Dept. Tuesday

Building.

C o n s u l t a n c y b y M r Pat M i l l s o f 1.30pm

Management

Andersen

Consulting

Huxley.

Union G y m .

2.30pm

in LT213

Thursday

November—The Mr

Professional tuition.

M a n a g e r o f Shell in L T 2 1 3 H u x l e y .

Akehurst,

Reminder:

6.30pm

Diving

John

14th

O i l Industry b y

Union S C R (old Union Office).

Recruitment

S e e the Graduate

Recruitment P r o g r a m m e for details of 7.00pm

Employer

Presentations

for

finalists. W a r n i n g : F e w e r vacancies are

7.30pm

expected

i n 1992 i n m a n y

sectors o f the e c o n o m y .

Advice:

Postponed until volleyball court

V i s i t the Careers A d v i s o r y Service,

reopened.

R o o m 310 Sherfield, O p e n 10am to 7.30pm

Kung Fu Club

12.30pm

1.30-2.30pm.

A e r o s p a c e Industry b y M r s N a n c y 1.00pm

Southside G y m .

Mech Eng 702. Followed by lunch.

at

12th N o v e m b e r — T h e

IT—based

Basketball Club

12.30pm

week

Tuesday

Top floor N W corner Union

12.30pm 12.30pm

Careers Information

discussion (see article: He's dead

Shaolin System

Southside Lounge.

Cathsoc Mass

Southside G y m .

1.00pm

Humanism'

Nam Pai Chuan

Southside Upper Lounge.

9.15pm

Meet Weeks Hall Basement.

12.30pm

Southside Upper Lounge.

SATURDAY

Southside Bar. I C C A G Soup Run

Swimming Pool.

interested in joining are welcome.

Southside Bar.

8.30pm

Southside Disco

'Star Trek &

DramSoc Improv Class

JCR.

8.00pm

Southside Lounge.

Kung Fu 12.00pm

Essential

Water Polo

8.30pm

Chaplain's Office

Club training.

12.45pm

Micro Club Meeting

Prayer Meeting

Southside G y m .

J C R . Advanced Ballroom & Latin.

U D H . A l l welcome.

TUESDAY

7.30pm

IC Shotokan Karate Dance Club

Silwood. Don't be late.

Sports Centre.

12.45pm

ICSF Book Buyl2.45pm

Wargames 6.30pm

7.30pm

Union Lounge. Lots o f good booze.

Southside G y m . Intermediate.

Coaches leave Beit A r c h for Swimming

Real Ale Society

Meet at Beit Arch.

J C R . Latin Beginners.

7.00pm

Dance Club

Union Lounge. Video showing and

Dance Club

Bonfire Party

J C R . Beginners Ballroom & Latin.

WEDNESDAY

Bike Club

Dance Club

Christian Union

8.00pm

Meeting

Fitness Club..

6.00pm

Afro-Carib Meeting

Southside G y m .

& Latin.

5.30pm

Southside G y m . Beginners.

6.00pm Ballroom

8.00pm

Southside G y m .

Postponed until volleyball court

413 Maths.

Meeting

Gardens).

welcome. Sailing most weekends!

Basketball Club

J C R . Beginners' Rock ' n ' Roll.

Union G y m .

Chaplains Office (10 Prince's Dance Club

Concert Hall.

Southside G y m . See Islamic Society.

5.30pm

Midweek Event

J C R . Intermediate/Medals

Dance Club

Friday Prayers

Southside G y m . Advanced.

(terminal room A ) .

J C R . R'n'R/Latin. Adv/Medals.

12.45pm

7.30pm

5.30pm

Fitness Club

253 Aeronautics. New members most

give Rag Week ideas.

Southside Upper Lounge.

7.00pm

Max 1

Mech Eng 220. Organised by I C S F .

Grease Rehearsals

12.45pm

Union Lounge. Everyone welcome to 3 r d World 1st

J C R . Adv/Medals Ballroom & Latin.

Mad

12.30pm

Fitness Club

Physics 737.

7.00pm

Dance Club 12.30pm

Room 308, Huxley Building

Yacht Club Meeting

Hang Gliding

What's On

9.30pm

Libido

5pm

Monday

to F r i d a y .

Apply

early a n d use the M i l k R o u n d .

Union G y m . W u Shu Kwan.

Ents Club Night in Union Lounge.

Small Ads

At college courts. Membership £6.

Ski Club Meeting

A l l new members

Southside Lounge. Put you name

• G U Y F A W K E S . See h i m tonight

down for this year's ski trip.

at

welcome.

Cycling Club

10.30am

Sailing Club

Meet at Beit Arch.

12.30pm

Southside Lounge.

SUNDAY

Southside Lounge.

Ents Meeting

West London Chaplaincy Sunday Service

Fencing Training 1.00pm

PhotoSoc

10.30am

Union Lounge.

1.30pm

Careers Talk

Men's Tennis Team

Aero L T 2 5 3 . See info below.

11.00am

Careers Talk

College Courts. Players of any

Huxley L T 2 1 3 . See info below.

ability. Annual membership £6. New

Radio Modellers

members

Mech Eng.

welcome.

Catholic Chaplaincy Mass.ii.00am

Fitness Club

53 Cromwell Road.

Southside G y m . Intermediate.

Wargames

1.00pm

Fitness Club

2.00pm 4.30pm

W u Shu Kwan in the Union G y m .

Catholic Mass 53 Cromwell Road.

International

Wine Tasting Soc

6.00pm

Dance Club

5.30pm

Club

12.30pm

T H E owner

• B A S K E T B A L L GIRLS Training

Wednesday

Volleyball

Court

i n either

o f the

Mary's.

and Friday

F o r further

(captain).

12.30pm

• VHS Betamax

video

wanted.

7.30pm in

Brixton

contact P i a A a n s t a d ,

Fencing Training

your

contact M r B r i l e y , Security, R o o m

Gardens).

o r St

questions B i o c h e m II

f o r sale £95

ono.

v i d e o £25 o n o . C o n t a c t

Rex o n 3518.

'The Future of 1.00pm

• A B I G T H A N K S f r o m G u i l d s to

6.00pm

Union Green Committee Room.

Discussion organised by Huxley Soc

• R I G G E R S . . . . A n y one intersted i n

6.00pm

and ICSF.

helping D r a m S o c

6.15pm

Fencing Training

Southside Upper Lounge.

Huxley 213. See info below.

6.30pm

Gliding Club Meeting Aero 266.

—19—

those w h o gave b l o o d last F r i d a y . set u p f o r the

1.30pm

G u i l d s C a r n i v a l , c a n c a l l into the

1.30pm

appreciated.

Storeroom any lunchtime. A n y help

General.

Careers Talk

Union G y m .

• WOULD

Chaplains Office (10 Princes

Beit Quad store or 8.30pm in Judo

Bring

Renault 5, R e g H Y M 8 1 7 N , please

5.00pm

Humanity'

J C R . Beginners Ballroom and Latin.

Canoe

12.30pm

Beginners Training.

Union Dining Hall.

Intermediate.

Kung Fu Club

Amenesty

5.45pm

Clubs Committee Room.

UDH.

Meeting

Park.

150 S h e r f i e l d .

12.30pm

Southside Upper Lounge.

Postgrad Lunch

5.30pm

12.30pm

Clubs Committee Room. Euthanasia.

YHA

1.30pm

11.30am

Southside Upper Lounge.

Pro Life

Silwood

sparklers!

Intermediate & advanced coaching.

Balloon Club Meeting

1.00pm

Anteroom Sherfield Building.

Practise

THURSDAY

1.00pm

8 November 1991

Felix 916

News

By Any Other Name

Israel

Red Cross

M a n y students w i l l be exempt f r o m

student

A p p l i c a t i o n s for 16 places to study

Mr

the

b u i l d i n g w i l l pay 7 5 % o f the tax,

academic

Haley,

w h i l e i f there are tw o,

be i ng offered by the L o n d o n - b a s e d

College,

Academic

H o n o u r and life m e m b e r s h i p o f the

new

'Council

government's

Tax',

the

replacement to the

then

the

people

in

or

the

more,

projects

in

of

received

Imperial

Badges

of

be introduced in 1993. T h e C o u n c i l

w i l l be the entire rate designated to

Academic

which

R e d C r o s s last T h u r s d a y week. T h e

tax

the area.

counts S i r E r i c A s h as a m e m b e r ,

I C R e d C r o s s unit was f o r m e d 15

is offering the places with a £500

years ago and is still is the o n l y

Christmas through

as

to

be

law

it is bei ng

Parliament

by

forced

using

a

guillotine p r o c e d u r e .

In

buildings

of

'multiple

Study

The

graduates

non-student occupants the charge

expected

Group.

N e i l P i e l o u and M r K e n n e t h

P o l l T a x , or C o m m u n i t y charge, to is

Study

Israel " a r e

Group

and

bursary to the chosen projects. T h e

U n i v e r s i t y R e d C r o s s unit in the

non-students) the b u i l d i n g ' s o w n e r

D i r e c t o r , M r J o h n L e v y , said that

country.

occupation'

(mixed

students

W h e n it is introduced i n A p r i l o f

w i l l be charged, and they will share

they were offering 'academic study

T h e awards were presented b y M r

1993 it w i l l place residential regions

the amount amongst occupants as

and a little bit m o r e . . ' for successful

J.

into bands. T h i s attempt to reflect

they see fit. Students l i v i n g at h o m e

applicants.

C r o s s . T h e c e r e m o n y was attended

variations in property value c l e a r l y g i v e higher values South

East

of

will

in the

England.

will not make any difference to their parents' b i l l .

The

For

example,

the o w n e r o f

a

T h e deadline for projects is M a y

and

be obtained by w r i t i n g to the A S G

students.

at 25 L y n d a l e A v e n u e N W 2 .

building

to w h i c h I C Student U n i o n does not

situated in E a r l ' s C o u r t , h o u s i n g

Levy

also

b e l o n g , has ' c a u t i o u s l y ' w e l c o m e d

twenty people o f w h i c h two are non

would

be

the new

students,

tax, despite the

Labour

will

at

£250,000,

a bill

receive

for

p a r t y ' s c l a i m s that some students

£520. If the o w n e r chooses to share

w i l l pay m o r e , adding that the new

this equally a m o n g the occupants,

tax is a shrewd pitch to get

then each i n d i v i d u a l w i l l pay £26

first-time

voters.

per year.

Mr

A l l full-time students in halls o f

Rob

Brightwell,

a

stated that given

to

people

students,

will

be

exempt

from

p a y i n g the new tax. T h e term ' f u l l -

features o f the new tax as 'slightly

Guilds

confusing'. Brian G o u l d ,

donating

Labour

Union

(C&GU)

session.

Tim

and

blood Proctor,

t i m e ' is defined as those w h o study

M P , has called the new C o u n c i l T a x

C&GU

at least 21 hours a week for

an attempt to ' s p l i c e together an

o n l y 60 people signed up for the

24

weeks o f the year or m o r e . If one

unfair property

occupant o f the residence is a n o n -

principles'.

LSD

poll-tax

S t a r ' tatoos, otherwise k n o w n containing L S D

are

as

bei ng

to

set

say

'examination next t e r m .

circulated by d r u g dealers. S o m e o f

they

that

these have been found to contain

unavoidable,

strychnine* a c h e m i c a l used in the

some such

stress

from

the

was advertised in C o l l e g e m e d i a ,

c o n t i n u e d , ' W e need to get y o u n g

of

this

This

number

year

organised

stress

(NLBTS)

around

spokeswoman

s m a l l p r o p o r t i o n o f the b l o o d they

Blood

as

A

N L B T S said that they gain o n l y a require

Although is

to maintain the usual

T u e s d a y b o o k i n g in future.

session i n a d v a n c e , so they were

attended.

the

by

local

colleges.

She

fit people g i v i n g b l o o d and show

were

them that it's no b i g deal, its not

session

was

need to get them into the habit o f

London

g i v i n g b l o o d , and its a g o o d o n e . '

stressful and it does not hurt.

the N o r t h

Transfusion for

at

109

a l l o w e d to donate.

up

workshops'

L o n d o n centre permanently but w i l l endeavour

expecting a l o w turnout. T h e event

Out

T h e C o l l e g e H e a l t h C e n t r e intends

they intend to stay with the N o r t h

President, told F e l i x that

after w h i c h 115 people

Stress

T h e p o l i c e have reported that ' B l u e tabs,

tax with

Imperial

C & G U Bloodletting at last F r i d a y ' s annual C i t y

some

ex-

East

O v e r a hundred students gave blood

all

other

who

spokesperson o f the Department o f

are

many

already have contacts in the M i d d l e

the E n v i r o n m e n t , described

occupants

Red

Mr

in

the

London's

preferance

residence, hostels, o r any b u i l d i n g which

of

b y Z o e H e l l i n g e r , U n i o n President

1992 but ' s o u n d i n g s ' o n ideas c a n

N a t i o n a l U n i o n o f Students ( N U S ) ,

valued

Lockwood

the

T h e session comes at a time when

Service

first

time,

We

funding

into

London's

Blood

replacing the South L o n d o n B l o o d

Transfusion

e x a m i n a t i o n , people w h o feel they

Transfusion

b e g i n n i n g to r e - e m e r g e . T h e W e s t

p r o d u c t i o n o f L S D w h i c h is h i g h l y

are

should

weeks before the event. M r Proctor

London

poisonous.

contact the H e a l t h C e n t r e . If there

said that the date had to be brought

Regents Street, w i l l soon be able to o p e n at full strength again and is

The

symptoms

of

particularly

prone

Service

only

three

Services

Transfusion

is

just

Centre,

off

strychnine p o i s o n i n g are c r a m p s in

is sufficient interest workshops w i l l

f o r w a r d f r o m T u e s d a y to F r i d a y ,

the j a w and s t o m a c h , w h i c h f o l l o w

again be h e l d .

m e a n i n g that the Islamic S o c i e t y ' s

o p e n weekdays to new and current

F r i d a y prayers had to be relocated

donors. T h e North london D o n o r

the usual effects associated with the

T h e H e a l t h C e n t r e is located at

d r u g . T h e p o l i c e a d v i c e is to stay

14 Princes Gardens and patients are

in the U n i o n C o n c e r t H a l l . T h i s left

Service

clear and report anything unusual to

r e m i n d e d they are entitled to see

the larger Southside G y m available

again at the start o f M a y next year.

them.

their m e d i c a l records.

for donations. T h e C & G U said that

Y O U N G

P E R S O N S

This

R A I L C A R D Last

Chance

Stakes

TODAY

only £8 (half price) A V A I L A B L E NOW F R O M I.C. U N I O N OFFICE 9.30am - 5.00pm

months

'Research

will

be

visiting

College

Acting Up Grant

T w o weeks ago, o n the front page

Stakes T r o p h y ' goes to Professors

of

B A J o y c e and R C N e w m a n o f the

totally

Felix

ficticious

914,

there

'Super

appeared

'News'

S e m i c o n d u c t o r M a t e r i a l s Research

entitled

centre. T h e s u m o f £448,000 was

editor at the t i m e , I d e c i d e d to run

rewarded by S E R C to research into

the story for the f o l l o w i n g reason.

Semiconductor Materials

growth,

Plug'.

As

a

story acting

I wanted to wake up the apathetic

characterisation and p r o c e s s i n g .

masses o f Imperial by presenting

The 'Free Market Economy Booby

them with something that, i f read

p r i z e ' has also been awarded to

w i t h a m o d i c u m o f attention, was

S E R C for the pittance o f £400 given

obviously

fake.

to D r C C P h i l l i p s o f the P h y s i c s

S i n c e v e r y few realised the story

department to ' a i d ' i n his research

was untrue, I have o b v i o u s l y failed

o f N o v e l Quantum well-based Solar

in m y attempt. F o r this I a m truly

Cells.

sorry.

S t e f ( A c t i n g E d i t o r 24/10/91)

—20—