http://www.felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1999/1999_1136_A by Ravi Pall

Teddington Faces Axe: Cobham Next? t h e r e is n o p o t e n t i a l for further d e v e l o p -

A n e w C o l l e g e report t h r e a t e n s a radical

shake-up o f s t u d e n t sports p r o v i s i o n , a n d

m e n t . I h e o n l y real p o i n t in its favour

ultimately s u g g e s t s t h e sell-off o f t w o o f

w o u l d s e e m t o b e that it is t h e c h e a p e s t

Imperial's t h r e e sports g r o u n d s .

g r o u n d to r u n , w i t h a b u d g e l e d deficit o f [42 000 this year ( c o m p a r e d w i t h [ 4 3 500

T h e report, b a s e d o n a survey o f sports

for H a r l i n g t o n a n d [101 380 for C o b h a m ) .

u s a g e f r o m S e p t e m b e r 1997 t o D e c e m b e r "the College

O n a brighter note, however, the

s h o u l d a i m t o cater for t h e o u t d o o r s p o r t s

report a l s o r e c o m m e n d s that t h e switch i n

at o n e l o c a t i o n " . This w o u l d a l m o s t cer-

focus to a single g r o u n d should allow "the

tainly result in Harlington b e c o m i n g h o m e

d e v e l o p m e n t o f a full r a n g e o f h i g h q u a l -

t o all c l u b sport, a s it is t h e o n l y g r o u n d

ity sports facilities", i n c l u d i n g a n i m p r o v e d

1998, r e c o m m e n d s that

w i t h t h e capacity t o cater for all o f IC's

p a v i l i o n a n d a m u c h b r o a d e r r a n g e o f all-

needs.

w e a t h e r a n d floodlit p i t c h e s .

H o w e v e r , whilst gravel extraction c o n -

I h e report w a s d u e to b e d i s c u s s e d at

t i n u e s at t h e H e a t h r o w site ( w h i c h is

last Fhursday's m e e t i n g o f C o l l e g e Athlet-

s c h e d u l e d for at least t h e next six years),

ics C o m m i t t e e , a n d a l t h o u g h t h e o u t c o m e

a d d i t i o n a l s p a c e will b e r e q u i r e d . T h u s , at

w a s n o t k n o w n a s Iclix

least o n e o f t h e o t h e r g r o u n d s w i l l e a r n a

s e n i o r U n i o n s o u r c e s s u g g e s t that t h e

short-term reprieve. T h e r e por t n o t e s that

P h o t o : Felix A r c h i v e

IC S p o r t - h e a d i n g f o r H a r l i n g t o n ?

w e n t t o press,

sale o f T e d d i n g t o n is n o w a l m o s t certain. " A s far a s C o l l e g e is c o n c e r n e d , w e d o n ' t

a total p r o v i s i o n o f a r o u n d 90 a c r e s is

n e e d T e d d i n g t o n - a n d they're obviously

12.5. C o n s e q u e n t l y , it is w i d e l y b e l i e v e d

edly t h e most attractive v e n u e for p r o s p e c -

(a further 35 will b e r e l e a s e d w h e n q u a r -

that T e d d i n g t o n (historically h o m e to St

tive buyers, lying as it d o e s in t h e c e n t r e

not g o i n g to i g n o r e t h e m a s s i v e a m o u n t

rying is c o m p l e t e ) , C o b h a m a d d s a further

M a r y ' s sport) has already b e e n e a r m a r k e d

of a large residential estate - w h i c h a l s o

of m o n e y that t h e sale w o u l d generate...it

50 acres, whilst T e d d i n g t o n p r o v i d e s o n l y

for sale. M o r e o v e r , T e d d i n g t o n is undoubt-

m e a n s that, unlike the other t w o g r o u n d s ,

won't b e l o n g before C o b h a m goes too".

require; at present, Harlington p r o v i d e s 50

Inside..â&#x20AC;˘ Comment

A s t u d e n t w h o fell f r o m t h e first f l o o r o f

i n g in t h e U n i o n b e i n g e m p t i e d five min-

the U n i o n into t h e foyer e s c a p e d with just a b r o k e n wrist. I h e i n c i d e n t , w h i c h

o c c u r r e d late in t h e e v e n i n g o f Friday 5

utes

earlier

student

than

w a s taken

to hospital a n d

February, is t h e first o f its k i n d f o r s e v e r a l y e a r s , b u t h a s still r a i s e d I s s u e s c o n c e r n -

h a v i n g his wrist p u t i n plaster.

stewarding

procedure

Manager,

a r o u n d 1.30am. w h e n U n i o n

described

the student

sometime

" i n c r e d i b l y lucky... w e ' r e g l a d it w a s n ' t

stewards

m o r e s e r i o u s " . H e a l s o m e n t i o n e d that t h e s t u d e n t a p p e a r e d to b e " u n d e r t h e

the upper r o o m s o f t h e U n i o n . T h e stu-

influence" of alcohol. Ihe accident has

d e n t , a first y e a r u n d e r g r a d u a t e , w a s

n e c e s s a r i l y r a i s e d c o n c e r n s o v e r safety.

reportedly attempting to slide d o w n t h e

Ian Oillett, S a f e t y D i r e c t o r f o r t h e c o l -

banister o f t h e stairs b y t h e U n i o n D i n i n g

l e g e , h a s b e e n in c o n t a c t w i t h t h e U n i o n

Hall. A c c o r d i n g t o e y e - w i t n e s s e s , h e

a n d h a s d i s c u s s e d w h e t h e r further safety

rapidly lost h i s b a l a n c e , a n d fell a p p r o x i -

p r e c a u t i o n s n e e d to b e t a k e n . H e a g r e e d

mately 5 m to t h e concrete floor b e l o w ,

w i t h M r H o m e that "to e n d u p w i t h a b r o -

l a n d i n g o n h i s right h a n d s i d e . M i r a c u -

k e n wrist is e x t r e m e l y lucky". I h e m o s t

lously h e d i d n o t hit t h e stairs or a n y o t h e r

likely c h a n g e is that a s e c o n d s t e w a r d will

object

Stewards

b e b r o u g h t u p to t h e first f l o o r w h e n t h e

r e s p o n d e d t o t h e s i t u a t i o n rapidly, c a l l i n g

U n i o n D i n i n g Hall is b e i n g c l e a r e d in

c o l l e g e s e c u r i t y a n d a n a m b u l a n c e . Param e d i c s a r r i v e d at a r o u n d 1 . 5 0 a m a n d

LetteFS -

Request for info

Editorial

& Valentines history

Columns

w e r e a t t e m p t i n g t o clea r p e o p l e o u t o f

on the way down.

Cooking

7 8

M a r k H o m e , Lnls a n d M a r k e t i n g

Union

events. The accident h a p p e n e d

usual. The injured

r e l e a s e d a r o u n d t h r e e h o u r s later, after

ing

a s k e d for t h e e v e n t t o b e c l o s e d , result-

Photo:

Ihe daunting drop

o r d e r , a s M r G i l l c t l put it, "to m o n i t o r b e h a v i o u r o n t h e staircase."

Valentines

Messages

Manifestoes

-14 of

them

Film -

Competition

ArtS &

b o o k reviews

MUSiC - Defari a l b u m ClubSCene

review

Mass

GameS - Natural Fawn Killers 28 SpOrt &

Diversions

sim

no prize

s Hopes to fund research with

income

Funding Council.

d o o m e d t o fail,

from patents s e e m

A l t h o u g h Britain is l o o k i n g t o w a r d s

according) t o t h e A m e r i c a n A s s o c i a t i o n

s pecif i c a i m o f capitalising o n cutting-

the

for t h e A d v a n c e m e n t

e d g e research areas s u c h as b i o s e n s o r

industry f u n di n g, the situation

chips a n d materials coating technol-

has r e m a i n e d t h e s a m e f o r t h e past

ogy.

thirty years: s u p p o r t f o r basic r e s e a r c h

o f Science, as

reported in 'The Times Higher tion Supplement'.

Educa-

Despite the three

thousand licensing agreements

made

m a r k e t i n g d i r e c t o r at t h e M a s s a c h u -

private sector, t h e total i n c o m e

setts Institute

gen-

patent

of t h e universities' research b u d g e t s .

become

com-

A n o t h e r p r o b l e m is t h a t

is u n l i k e l y t o e v e r

revenue

patent

research

pressure

a major source o f research

adverse effects o n other activities. M s

Even th e biggest money-spinning

universities d o not m a k e c o m p r o m i s e s

b r e a k t h r o u g h s only g e n e r a t e a trickle

in o r d e r t o p l e a s e p r i v a t e I n v e s t o r s -

s o m e t h i n g w h i c h s h e feels MIT has

t i o n s Ltd w a s c r e a t e d last y e a r w i t h t h e

Editor: Ed S e x t o n , â&#x20AC;˘ â&#x20AC;˘ â&#x20AC;˘ : : â&#x20AC;˘ . â&#x20AC;˘ ' .

â&#x20AC;˘' . N e w s E d i t o r : A n d r e w O f o r i

N e l s o n f e e l s t h a t it is i m p o r t a n t t h a t

prom ot e t h e exploitation o f n e w breakInnova-

may b e having

throughs.

College

tutes' research budget.

o f T e c h n o l o g y , is that

money.

panies within Imperial C o l l e g e w h i c h Imperial

;

erated a m m o u n t s to only t w o percent

There are currently several

there

r e m a i n s at a b o u t s e v e n p e r c e n t o f insti-

H o w e v e r , t h e v i e w o f Lita N e l s e n ,

b e t w e e n A m e r i c a n universities a n d t h e

U n i t e d States for inspiration o n

funding compared

t o that

s o u r c e s s u c h as t h e H i g h e r

from

avoided.

Education

..... '.Hie'. :.(!!!,::' . JMl , : ,

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Deli\f ry last i s s u e A n d r e w < (fori

f Imperial C o l l e g e n o w boasts t h e largest

they are p a y i n g t h e m s e l v e s a far greater

n u m b e r o f well-paid staff f o r a p u b l i c l y f u n d e d British h i g h e r e d u c a t i o n institute, a c c o r d i n g t o recent HEFCE a c c o u n t s .

increase t h a n they d o their staff. W e wait to hear o f a vice-chancellor w h o refuses t o

a n d C a m b r i d g e respectively.

take a bigger pay rise than his staff. W e sus-

The t o p j o b at L o n d o n Business School

pect it will b e a l o n g wait."

325 c o l l e g e staff e a r n e d in e x c e s s o f

w a s t h e m o s t lucrative vice-chancellor's

ÂŁ50, 000 last a c a d e m i c year a n d a further

p o s i t i o n t h e y p a i d t h e t h r e e individuals

22 staff e a r n e d m o r e t h a n ÂŁ100, 000. T h e

w h o filled t h e role a s t a g g e r i n g ÂŁ207, 0 0 0

o n staff w i t h colossal r e d u n d a n c y pay-offs.

ICU S a b b a t i c a l e l e c t i o n s , w i t h f o u r t e e n

figures w e r e t h e country's h i g h e s t in their

pro rata. T h e LBS also h a d t h e country's

Four m e m b e r s o f staff e a r n i n g over ÂŁ50,

c a n d i d a t e s s t a n d i n g for t h e five posts.

respective categories a n d s p e a r h e a d e d t h e

highest paid a c a d e m i c b a s e d at a publicly

000 a year, received ÂŁ338, 000 in c o m p e n -

Last w e e k s a w p o s t e r s a p p e a r i n g all

supremacy o f L o n d o n c o l l e g e s in t h e salary

f u n d e d institute, w h o e a r n e d in excess o f

sation for loss o f office.

over c a m p u s as t h e c o n t e n d e r s began

IC c o m p l e t e d its c o p i o u s e x p e n d i t u r e

C a m p a i g n i n g has n o w started for the

stakes. U C L p l a c e d s e c o n d w i t h 277 staff

ÂŁ220, 0 0 0 . Vice-chancellors nation-wide

In t h e w a k e o f t h e HEFCE figures, t h e

earning over ÂŁ50,000 a n d 21 earnin g a b o v e

p r o s p e r e d last year receiving a n a v e r a g e

House O f C o m m o n s technology commit-

N o fewer than seven p e o p l e are

ÂŁ100, 000 . C o m p l e t i n g L o n d o n ' s s w e e p

pay rise o f 4.8% , surpassing inflation. Impe-

tee h e a r d a p l e a f r o m Sir Keith Peters t o

standing for t h e exalted position o f

w a s King's in third with 183 p e o p l e e a r n i n g

rial's rector Sir Ronald O x b u r g h pl a c e d 55th

d o u b l e professors' salaries. Sir Peters, h e a d

President. They are D e n n i s Patrickson

over ÂŁ50,000 a n d 6 b r i n g i n g in over ÂŁ100,

in t h e country earnin g ÂŁ111,000 in 1997-98.

o f C a m b r i d g e University, s u g g e s t e d a n

( M a t h s III), N a t a s h a N e w t o n

000 last year. T h e capital's cost o f living is

T h e A s s o c i a t i o n o f Un iv ers ity

Teachers

increasing t h e current professoriate salary

IV), B e n P o l o u n o v s k y ( C h e m

partly responsible for t h e top-flight salaries.

w i s h e d t o s e e t h e t r e n d reflected t h r o u g h -

f r o m a r o u n d ÂŁ41, 000 t o ÂŁ80, 000, in order

A n d y Swift (ISE IV), Stuart C o o k ( M a t e -

the fight for your votes.

(Medicine E n g III),

But m a n y o f t h e highly pai d h a i l e d f r o m

o u t University staff, with their assistant g e n -

to m a k e allowances for m o v i n g a n d setting

rials III), S h a n K a t u w a l a ( M a t e r i a l s III)

medical s c h o o l s a n d universities strongly

eral secretary c o m m e n t i n g : 'There is n o

up h om e .

a n d R o b i n Pitt ( A e r o n a u t i c s II).

linked with industry.

d o u b t that vice-chancellors d e s e r v e every

stated Sir Alec Broers, C a m b r i d g e vice-chan-

p e n n y , b u t a university's achievements-

cellor as h e s p o k e o f h o w his university w a s

L o n d o n ' s d o m i n a n c e h a s p l a c e d pressure o n t h e O x b r i d g e c o l l e g e s , a m o n g s t others, t o e n h a n c e their salaries: 115 a n d 121 staff e a r n e d over ÂŁ50, 000 at O x f o r d

"Americans just l a u g h at us"

D e p u t y P r e s i d e n t ( F i n a n c e a n d Services) h a s t h r e e c a n d i d a t e s : B o b W a l k e r

d e p e n d o n all its staff as m u c h as t h e indi-

u n a b l e to attract researchers f r o m industry

( P h y s i c s III), Ian C l i f f o r d (Elec E n g IV)

vidual at t h e t o p...w e don't b e g r u d g e vice-

a n d a b r o a d . T h e request will b e subject t o

a n d P a u l H i c k m a n ( C h e m i s t r y IV). T w o

chancellors their pay increase but yet again

a ballot o f a c a d e m i a later this m o n t h .

candidates are standing for Deputy President (Clubs a n d Societies): Tim

Rank i

University

V i c e- Chan e e l 1 o r ,

1997-1998 % change on No. o fs t a f f e a r n i n g previous year ÂŁ50.000 + 4 ÂŁ100,000+ J . Q u e l c h / M . E a r l / G . B a i n 207,000 J u n a v a i l a b l e j 88 \ 15 'â&#x20AC;˘ :.>: y' fii: .:' â&#x20AC;˘ â&#x20AC;˘ i. lliiiiiiii n7Robcrts â&#x20AC;˘s T 277 21

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( G e o l o g y III). The n e w post o f D e p u t y President (Education a n d Welfare) has only one candidate, Kevin Butcher (Biochemistry P o s t g r a d III), a s h a s that o f Felix Editor, D a v i d R o b e r t s ( P h y s i c s III). S t a n d i n g a g a i n s t all o f t h e s e is t h e

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Hustings take

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r o w at C h a r r i n g C r o s s , a n d W e d n e s d a y

at St M a r y ' s . V o t i n g t a k e s p l a c e next |

â&#x20AC;˘

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Monday

and Tuesday

in all depart-

ments.

Felix, Beit Q u a d , Prince Consort Road, L o n d o n SW7 2BB Internal tel: 58072 Internal fax: 48072 External tel & fax: 0171 594 8072 U R L www.su.ic.ac.uk/Felix Printed at M C P Litho Limited, Units B2 & B3, Hatton Square, 1 6 - 16a Baldwins G a r d e n s , L o n d o n E O N 7RJ

E-mail:

Felix is a registered n e w s p a p e r : ISSN 1040-0711

Felix is p r o d u c e d for a n d o n be h a l f o f Imperial C o l l e g e U n i o n Publication Board. Copyright ÂŠ Felix 1999. P h o t o g r a p h i c copyrights r e m a i n with p h o t o g r a p h e r s .

In IC Applications

Oxbridge

Fall

Don

Figures r e l e a s e d b y t h e U n i v e r s i t i e s a n d

e x a c l l y . I elix I d i l o r

Last M o n d a y s a w a new

p u b l i c a t i o n in

A n O x f o r d a n d a C a m b r i d g e c o l l e g e that

the lecture

Sexton

b e l i e v e d t o b e look-

theatres

ing into i h e legal situation, only c o m -

come

o f Imperial C o l l e g e . 'Gulix', p u b l i s h e d b y

s h o w that t h e p r o p o r t i o n o f s c h o o l - l e a v -

t o g e t h e r t o c r e a t e t h e v e r y first g e n u i n e

City a n d G u i l d s U n i o n , w a s a n a t t e m p t t o

m e n t i n g "I will c o n s u l t w i t h m y lawyers

ing applicants for university places h a s

a n d real " O x b r i d g e " d o n . This s e e s t h e

improve the otherwise bland cover of

before m a k i n g a n y formal

fallen. The only g r o u p for w h i c h

there

t w o C o r p u s Christi colleges burying tra

G u i l d s h e e t , b y c o p y i n g Ihe layout a n d

w a s a n y i n c r e a s e at all - w i t h a 0.4 %

d i t i o n a l rivalries in Ihe f a c e o f s l i f f c o m

d e s i g n o f I elix's f r o n l p a g e . I h e stunt w a s

Ihe

technically well orchestrated,

r e p o r t e d thai h e is a t t e m p t i n g to transfer

jColleges A d m i s s i o n s Service

(UCAS)

the s a m e

editor

of G u i l d s h e e t / G u l i x ,

have

c o m i n g together l o create a joint junior

w h e l h e r o r n o l il c o n f u s e d s e n i o r m e m -

privale l u n d s l o offshore

u l a t i o n - is t h e under-21's f r o m t h e U K ;

research fellowship. David Stone, a C a m

bers o f t h e c o l l e g e r e m a i n s u n c o n f i r m e d .

p e n d i n g Ihe o u t c o m e ; o l a n y court a c t i o n

applicants f r o m every single other g r o u p

b r i d g e h i s t o r i a n , w i l l s p e n d t w o y e a r s at

U n f o r t u n a t e l y for C&GLJ, o n e small

W h e n q u e s t i o n e d a b o u t Ihe matter, h e

have

e a c h c o l l e g e w h e n h e takes u p the p o s

detail w a s o v e r l o o k e d - t h e small print o n

a p p a r e n t l y e x c l a i m e d "It's all lies!", h u l

in O c t o b e r .

the: b o t t o m o f I elix p a g e t w o , in particu-

Ihis report w a s later revealed l o b e entirely

lar t h e ISSN r e g i s l r a t i o n a n d c o p y r i g h t

untruc>.

The

b i g g e s t falls h a v e b e e n in e n g i n e e r i n g

and

although

i n c r e a s e in n u m b e r s that is m o r e t h a n

terms.

and abroad

statement".

M e a n w h i l e s o u r c e s c l o s e to D i n e s h ,

a c c o u n t e d f o r b y t h e rise i n a c t u a l p o p -

in a b s o l u t e

home

have

petition

fallen

name

a n d t h e s c i e n c e s - Civil, Electrical a n d Electronic E n g i n e e r i n g a p p l i c a t i o n s h a v e

Explosive

Discovery

fell 10.3 % , a n d e v e n 'sexy, t r e n d y ' B i o l -

II s e e m s that t h e o n l y h o p e lor C & G U

i n f o r m a t i o n . W h i l e t h e layout a n d type-

d r o p p e d o v e r 11 % ; P h y s i c s a p p l i c a t i o n s Nitrogen m a y normally b e regarded as

investments,

faces u s e d b y G u l i x a t e sufficiently differ-

is that t h e m a t t e r b l o w s o v e r

ent f r o m I e l i x ' s t o m a k e

r e a c h i n g t h e courts. I his is i n d e e d possi-

legal action

without

o g y has b e e n hit, w i t h a p p l i c a t i o n s falling

b e i n g o n e o f t h e m o r e dull a n d bo r i n g

unlikely, the w o r l d f a m o u s cat l o g o a n d let-

ble for, as o n e I clix reporter put il, " i m i -

3.4 % . I h e b i g g e s t d r o p - o v e r 20 % - is

o f Ihe c h e m i c a l e l e m e n t s - the stable,

terhead has b e e n r e p r o d u c e d

tation is the b e s l fe>rm o f flattery".

in C o m p u t e r S c i e n c e a n d S o f t w a r e E n g i -

i n v i s i b l e g a s that f o r m s e i g h t y p e r c e n t

neering, while Business a n d M a n a g e -

o f t h e air w e b r e a t h e - b u t t h e v i r u l e n t l y

m e n t s t u d i e s is still b y f a r t h e m o s t

e x p l o s i v e n e w c r e a t i o n o f Dr Karl Christe,

popular subject.

a research scientist w o r k i n g for t h e U S

Imperial C o l l e g e , particularly, h a s b e e n hit w i t h a n o v e r a l l d e c r e a s e applications of 4 . 8 % - with

a 19.3%

Air f o r c e , a p p e a r s to c h a n g e their perc e p t i o n s s o m c w h a l . A s r e p o r t e d in Ihe

Times,

Dr C h r i s t e w a s t h e l e a d e r o f a

decrease in overseas applications, doubt-

t e a m o f IS chemists, w o r k i n g a l the

less p r e c i p i t a t e d b y t h e e c o n o m i c crisis

E d w a r d s Air F o r c e B a s e in t h e M o j a v e D e s e r t , that m a n a g e d

in t h e Far East.

new

Cash for

Qualifications

almost

to s y n t h e s i s e a

form of elemental

nitrogen. N , s

effectively disproving the commonlyh e l d n o t i o n that it w o u l d b e i m p o s s i b l e

S e v e r a l IC s t u d e n t s w e r e s t a r t l e d last

to b i n d m o r e t h a n t h r e e a t o m s o r n i t r o -

m o n t h to receive a s p a m m e s s a g e via

g e n t o g e t h e r i n t o a m o l e c u l e . A n Nr

essentially

offering a

degree,

admittedly from a non-accredited

uni-

m o l e c u l e h a s five a t o m s in a V-shape a n d w o u l d normally not create

mass

t h a n a b r i e f flutter, w e r e it n o t for its

cash-for-qualifications o f f e r a p p e a r s t o

instability that p r o m i s e s a d v a n c e s in t h e

have b e e n l i m e d carefully to c o i n c i d e

fields of propulsion a n d explosives.

versity, for p a y m e n t . T h e d a r i n g

Photo:William

A n i n d i g n a n t Editor p r e s e n t s t h e e v i d e n c e

w i t h t h e l o w e s t p o i n t in m o s t s t u d e n t s ' a c a d e m i c years.

Holbein

Theft

H o l b e i n Hall r e s i d e n t N e i l L u c k w a s surprised to d i s c o v e r a n intruder in h i s r o o m o n Friday 5 I e b r u a r y .

Returning from a

brief visit t o t h e k i t c h e n h e f o u n d a m a n in t h e p r o c e s s o f s t e a l i n g h i s c o m p u t e r . The m a n h a d e n t e r e d t h r o u g h a g r o u n d floor w i n d o w , slightly

ajar.

which

had been

Although

left

Luck

a t t e m p t e d to restrain t h e burglar, h e escaped, dropping the loose change he h a d p i c k e d u p , a n d r a n a w a y d o w n I ulham Road.

Fortunately,

nothing was

t a k e n , a l t h o u g h M r Luck w a s left b r u i s e d AN IMPERIAL C O L L E G E SINGAPORE SOCIETY PRODUCTION

by t h e e n c o u n t e r .

C o l l e g e security w a s q u i c k to arrive on the scene a n d the police rather later.

arrived

T h e m a n is d e s c r i b e d a s

b e i n g in his early t o m i d 20's, a n d o f I lispanlc origin,

t h e i n c i d e n t o c c u r r e d at

5 1

7.30 p m ; a n y o n e i n t h e E v e l y n G a r d e n s a r e a at that t i m e w h o s a w a n y t h i n g s u s picious s h o u l d contact security.

s to

Pounds

s :

Indonesia w a s badly affected by t h e

Everything, w e discuss national issues

1997 e c o n o m i c crisis, w a g e s w e r e c u t items

Britain t o raise a w a r e n e s s o f t h e i r c a u s e ,

an a t m o s p h e r e w h e r e social a n d polit-

and conditions a n d w e have ideological

i n c r e a s e d hugely,- p r i c e s b y 3 8 % , t r a i n

a n d Felix w a s a b l e t o a s k o n e o f t h e s t u -

ical p r o b l e m s a r e a l w a y s b e i n g

d i s c u s s i o n s t o e d u c a t e s t u d e n t s in M a r x -

and

t h e price

fares

o f essential

by 5 0 % , chicken

by 8 6 % .

t o r d e n t s s o m e q u e s t i o n s after t h e talk.

Indonesia's w o r k i n g class (86 m i l l i o n

dis-

cussed. Almost every year w e org an is ed

ist i d e a s o n p o l i t i c s a n d e c o n o m i c s . W e

little s t r i k e s , w h i c h is w h y w h e n t h e cri-

stood for the student council a n d used

unemploy-

sis r e a l l y

t h e strikes

t h o s e p o s i t i o n s t o o r g a n i s e . In M a y w e

ment, starvation a n d h o m e l e s s n e s s . A

e r u p t e d m o r e regularly. W e o r g a n i s e d

a r g u e d t h a t s t u d e n t s h a d t o b u i l d links

p e o p l e ) , t h e crisis m e a n t

revolution w a s led by students, f o l l o w e d

W h e n you have a consciousness you

began

t o bite

w h e n t h e n e w students c a m e to t h e with the urban poor a n d with workers.

by t h e c o u n t r y ' s workers,- in J a n u a r y 1998

W e w o n that a r g u m e n t o n o u r c a m p u s ,

t h e r e w e r e w i d e s p r e a d strikes, f o l l o w e d

and p e o p l e c a m e to address our mass meetings.

by s t u d e n t p r o t e s t s . O n 12 M a y six s t u North Pacific Ocean

dents w e r e shot b y t r o o p s in Jakarta, causing

further

riots,

a n d student

demonstrations. The army attacked stu-

*•

\vN \

d e n t s in t h e s t r e e t s b u t c o u l d n o t s t o p

'*„„ f

Borneo > A

Kalimantan f 4/

them occupying the parliamentary build-

Ulan

a t e j u b i l a t i o n . Bu t t h e n a s e c t i o n o f t h e s t u de n ts a r g u e d that Habibie's appoint-

Ujunrgpandang' ,» '-fS

ment should be w e l c o m e d because he

a c o u p in 1965 that k i l l e d o v e r h a l f a m i l lion p e o p l e , r e s i g n e d as a result o f t h e

Suharto

had stepped d o w n there was immedi-

ing. Suharto, w h o c a m e t o p o w e r after

W h e n it w a s a n n o u n c e d that

Indian Ocean

w a s a g o o d M u s l i m . O t h e r s w e r e not

people's actions. However, there w e r e

h a p p y that

few changes, since he w a s replaced by

p r e s i d e n t . W h e n t h e u n i v ers i t i es g o b a c k

.•'VusrMua,

his d e p u t y B J H a b i b i e . T h e fight f o t

made

in A u g u s t w e e x p e c t t h i s p r o c e s s o f

h a v e t o g i v e all y o u r e n e r g y t o it. T h e

c a m p u s e s every n e w term, by s h o w i n g

p o l a r i s a t i o n t o g r o w . It is i m p o r t a n t that

Imperial's

p e o p l e o f m y c o u n t r y s u p p o r t e d m e in

t h e m t h e o p p r e s s i o n w h i c h exists in

w e continue to build o n the campuses.

Student Society a n d

t h e past, s o it is m y o b l i g a t i o n t o d o this.

d e m o c r a c y will c o n t i n u e . O n Thursday 4 February, Socialist W o r k e r

Habibie had been

students f r o m Indonesia w h o are active

Indonesia. W e organised big discuss i o n s a n d after a b o u t a m o n t h o f e d u -

Environmental Society h o s t e d a g r o u p o f : ?

in t h e o r g a n i s a t i o n that h a s b e e n i n t e gral t o t h e s t r u g g l e a g a i n s t t h e r e g i m e

W e h a v e a t r a d i t i o n o f o r g a n i s a t i o n in

in I n d o n e s i a . T h e s t u d e n t s a r e t o u r i n g

the university, so w e have established

Yes, o f c o u r s e , w e ' r e just n o r m a l p e o p l e ,

groups. The raw materials of t h e m o v e -

t e n o f m y c l o s e f r i e n d s h a v e b e e n in jail

ment came from these groups.

s i n c e 1996, a n d t w e n t y o f m y f r i e n d s are missing.

date: venue: time: 1

cation w e broke u p into small discussion

Comment

The Audible Conscience W is s m u d g e d

The only w a y they c a n get t h r o u g h a d a y o f their

demented, electronic wailing of my cheap

w i t h t h e l e a d e d a n d s o o t y d u s t o f t h e city. H i s

life w i t h o u t t h e i n c o n v e n i e n c e s o f c o n s c i e n c e a n d

plastic alarm clock. I crack o p e n m y eyes

waist-long, thickly matted a n d deteriorating grey

humanity

and a m greeted by the feeble g l o w o f sunlight per-

hair r e s e m b l e s a w o r n a n d d i s h e v e l l e d carpet. I

w o r l d is I h e o n l y w a y ; l h a t a n y b o d y w h o t r i e s t o

e e k after w e e k

I w a k e u p to the shrill,

lessly a r o u n d

K e n s i n g t o n . His face

is b y p e r s u a d i n g t h e m s e l v e s

that o u r

meating m y thin, nylon curtains, blotted out by the

h a v e n e v e r o n c e s e e n h i m s t o p t o rest , s p e a k o r

t e l l t h e m t h a t t h e w o r l d c a n b e m a d e b e t t e r is a n

d w a r f i n g c o n c r e t e c o n s t r u c t i o n s o f t h e City a n d the

ask for anything. I expect he will be d e a d

idealist, a d r e a m e r , cynical, a n extremist, a red,

s m o g g y haze o f pollution s u s p e n d e d in the atmos-

the e n d of winter.

before

n a i v e , u n r e a l i s t i c o r j u s t m a d . It is t h e g r e a t e s t

A n d all a r o u n d m e t h e streets o f t h e City live

phere.

t r a g e d y o f t h i s w o r l d - t h i s f i n a l s o l u t i o n - that b u t

rake

on; crawling a n d heaving with the oppressive a n d

a minority appear

t h r o u g h t h e streets. Exhaust f u m e s circulate thickly

s u f f o c a t i n g p o p u l a t i o n . W e l i v e l i k e rats in a n o v e r -

w o r l d in w h i c h w e live to care e n o u g h l o c h a n g e

in t h e air a n d l o o m o v e r t h e c i t y l i k e a m o c k i n g

c r o w d e d c a g e t h a t s n a p a n d tear at e a c h o t h e r a n d

it o r e v e n a c k n o w l e d g e t h a i it s h o u l d b e c h a n g e d .

halo. Ihe pavements arc densely cluttered

with

t h e n t r a m p l e their w o u n d e d . C l i m b i n g Ihe e c o -

I h r o u g h o u t h i s t o r y a n d o n i n t o t h e p r e s e n t Ihe

flocks of p e o p l e

leap

n o m i c l a d d e r h a s b e c o m e e v e r y t h i n g ; r o a d r a g e is

foundations of society, our views a n d our values

a c r o s s t h e r o a d t h r o u g h g a p s in t h e u n y i e l d i n g traf-

c o m m o n news,- s o m e p e o p l e a r c r o b b e d , r u n o v e r

continue

fic, r e j o i n i n g t h e c r o w d

a n d k i l l e d ; o t h e r s a r c left f o r d e a d , l i v i n g o n t h e

m a k e t h e m . Every v o i c e d d i s s e n t , every

s t r e e t s . In t h i s g l o r i f i e d c o n c r e t e s l u m

m in d, every inspired o p i n i o n , every gesture a n d

O u t s i d e , p r o c e s s i o n s o f a g g r e s s i v e cars

h e r d i n g to work.

People

of pedestrians

on the

o p p o s i t e s i d e . It's a l w a y s t h e s a m e c r o w d I s e c

humanity

here but never t h e s a m e faces. All o f t h e m are hur-

has l o n g a g o s e e p e d t h r o u g h the drainage

rying to g o s o m e w h e r e

i n g a n d i n t o t h e s e w e r . W e a r e s o a b s o r b e d in t h e

but n o n e ever

get any-

grat-

to b e a w a r e e n o u g h

to shift like d e s e r t

every d e e d will m o v e

sands,

of the

if o n l y w e awakened

them and influence what

they will b e c o m e .

e n d l e s s n u r t u r i n g o f o u r brave n e w w o r l d that w e

But t h e w o r l d is t h i c k w i t h t h e s t e n c h o f a p a -

tomorrow: the same crowd with many faces walk-

m u s t l e a v e il u p to t h e h o m e l e s s , c y n i c s a n d out-

thy, a n d it a p p e a r s that all y o u w i l l l e t little c h a n g e

in g, r u s h i n g , c r o w d i n g , s h o v i n g a n d c r u s h i n g all s o

casts

in t h e n e a r f u t u r e . In t h e m e a n l i m e o u r g e n e r a -

that t h e y c a n d o it a g a i n t h e d a y a f t e r , a n d t h e d a y

urbanisation: an unnatural, unreasonable,

after that. All s h a r i n g that s a m e m i n d l e s s l y d e t e r -

luted, o v e r c r o w d e d , i n h u m a n a n d repulsive cre-

ours. Each of us will b e s p e n d i n g every d a y of o u r

m i n e d gait.

ation.

meaningless

w h ere,-

for surely

enough

it'll b e t h e r e

again

I d o always r e c o g n i s e o n e f a c e . D r e s s e d in a

t o t r u l y a d m i r e it. T h e r e s u l t h a s b e e n

T h e r e is n o s a n i t y t o b e f o u n d h e r e .

mass pol-

People

huddled

w h o live h e r e h a v e b e c o m e t o o b l i n d , d e a f , n u m b

a c r o s s h i s c h e s t t o h o l d it c l o s e , h e t r u d g e s e n d -

o r i g n o r a n t o f t h e i r e n v i r o n m e n t t o c a r e a b o u t it.

grey, w o o l l e n

overcoat

with

his arms

tion m a y look forward

existence

to w h e n

this will all b e

b u r n i n g u p o u r l i v e s in

order to k e e p u p w i t h e v e r y b o d y else. Each of us w i l l b e n o m o r e l h a n a fart i n t h e v e n t i l a t i o n .

CENTENARY LECTURE SERIES: MAKING PIGS F L Y Great Engineering Achievements of the Last 100 Years

The Only Way to Travel 0

Dr Paul Ewing r

Probably the most stylish man in college!

Mechanical Engineering Lecture Theatre 220. 5-6pm Tuesday 16th Feb 1999

Letters & Small Ads Focus Groups Reminder

i n g a n i g h t a i m e d at t h o s e w h o like

t h e c u r r i c u l u m , rivalry b e t w e e n s c h o o l s

heavy alternative music a n d thank those

o n t h e basi s o f t h e e d u c a t i o n o f f e r e d

Fire in Princes Garden

w h o a r r a n g e d it. T h e m u s i c p l a y e d w a s

a n d t o t a l loss o f f r e e class d i s c u s s i o n

his is p r i m a r i l y a r e q u e s t f o r t h e c o n -

incredibly varied a n d had s o m e t h i n g for

t i m e f o r p u p i l s . First t o react w e r e t h e

c e r n e d r e s i d e n t w h o w r o t e t h e letter

This is a q u i c k r e m i n d e r t o all t h o s e p e o -

e v e r y o n e w h e t h e r t h e y like p u n k , h a r d -

t e a c h e r s , c u l m i n a t i n g in f o u r d a y s o f

I ire in P r i n c e s G a r d e n ' , w h i c h a p p e a r e d

p l e w h o g o t r a n d o m e-mails f r o m m e ,

c o r e , in du s trial, g o t h or just h e a v y m e t a l .

s e r i o u s r i o t i n g in m a n y G r e e k cities in

in last w e e k ' s Felix, t o c o m e f o r w a r d .

a n d for a n y o n e else that m i g h t b e inter-

I n e v e r t h o u g h t that I w o u l d h e a r W h i t e

N o v e m b e r . Pupils then o c c u p i e d

over

K e i t h R e y n o l d s , H e a d o f Security, h a s

e s t e d , that t h e f o c u s g r o u p s that g i v e y o u

Z o m b i e b e i n g p l a y e d in t h e u n i o n a n d I

1000 s c h o o l s in D e c e m b e r . T h e g o v e r n -

i n v e s t i g a t e d t h e a l l e g e d i n c i d e n t , but

your c h a n c e to have your say a b o u t t h e

w a s glad to hear Marilyn M a n s o n b e i n g

m e n t h o p e d t h e k i d s w o u l d ' g e t it o u t o f

n e e d s f u r t h e r i n f o r m a t i o n in o r d e r to

U n i o n will take place o n t h e f o l l o w i n g

h e a r d in d B ' s o n c e m o r e (I b e l i e v e t h e

t h e i r s y s t e m s ' b y t h e t i m e o f t h e Christ-

c o n t i n u e h i s i n q u i r i e s . T h e r e s i d e n t in

dates:

first t i m e w a s last D e c e m b e r ' s

World

m a s h o l i d a y s arrived. N o s u c h luck, c o m e

q u e s t i o n , or a n y o n e else w h o w a s in t h e

ICU R e t a i l i n g

A I D S D a y party). H o p e f u l l y this w a s just

mid-January 800 s c h o o l s w e r e still o c c u -

hall a r o u n d l u n c h t i m c o n 27 J a n u a r y

5.30 in t h e U D F I

t h e first o f a r e g u l a r n i g h t . M y o n l y c o m -

pied. The government began prosecut-

a n d w h o has information, should con-

ICU Bars & C a t e r i n g

plaint, it w a s o n a S a t u r d a y i n s t e a d o f a

ing pupils a n d a w a v e o f threats a n d

5.30 in d B s

Friday w h e n it w o u l d h a v e d r a w n a n

terror b e g a n t o s p r e a d .

D e a r Felix

: ICU A d m i n i s t r a t i o n &

e v e n larger c r o w d .

Starting o n January 15th, d e m o n s t r a t i o n s s w e p t a l m o s t e v e r y G r e e k city,

Services

ICU Ents

B i o c h e m II

p r o t e s t e d , 14 arrests w e r e m a d e

5.30 in d B s

IQ S e c

heavy charges centred o n t w o people,

roll calls d u r i n g real a l a r m s

A r b a n B e l a l a , a 17 y e a r o l d A l b a n i a n a n d

t h e r e is n o w a y o f k n o w i n g w h o is in t h e

limiting t h e n u m b e r s o f e a c h g r o u p .

Defend Free Education

W i n e a n d n i b b l e s w i l l b e s e r v e d at

A n d , if y o u d o n ' t b e l i e v e

student com-

Last w e e k I r e a d a n article in t h e e x c e l -

have

lent e l e c t r o n i c n e w s p a p e r ,

about

Fledonizm,

with

hall at t h e t i m e . T h e fire b r i g a d e a l w a y s

and u n e m p l o y e d teacher. They d e n i e d

a s s u m e t h e r e a r e still p e o p l e in t h e

all c h a r g e s a n d g o t p u t o n r e m a n d f o r

building.

SchNEWS,

try, V a s i l i s a n n o u n c e d , " W h a t is m o s t i m p o r t a n t t o d a y is t h e c o n t i n u a t i o n o f t h e s t r u g g l e , t h e solidarity w i t h t h e o c c u -

w h i ch I have to share with you. The sub-

h a s a far m o r e p o p u l i s t a p p r o a c h t o t h e

j e c t is c l o s e t o all o u r hearts, o u r e d u c a -

pied schools a n d the c o m i n g together

last d e c a d e or s o o f d a n c e , s o if y o u

t i o n . In this c o u n t r y w e h a v e s e e n w h a t

a n d t h e c o m m u n i c a t i o n o f all p e o p l e in

l o v e d t h e like s o f T h e S h a m e n ,

Under-

a m o u n t s to t h e privatisation of o u r e d u -

struggle." A n d the struggle has contin-

w o r l d , N e w O r d e r or e n j o y m o r e c h a r t y

cation system by t h e i m p l e m e n t a t i o n of

u e d , o n t h e 21st January, over 4 0 activists

dance

Daft

Punk,

Fatboy

Slim,

p o l i c i e s s u c h as t h e n a t i o n c u r r i c u l u m in

w e r e a r r e s t e d , m o s t l y in A t h e n s a n d

schools to t h e tailoring of deg re e courses

Patras, a n d b a i l e d until l e b r u a r y .

d e m o s s h o w n o signs of abating.

12noon Wednesday. Letters m a y b e e d i t e d f o r l e n g t h ,

but will not b e altered in a n y other

w a y . Letters n e e d n o t b e s i g n e d ,

Anyway, don't forget to have your

in u n i v e r s i t i e s t o t h e n e e d s o f b u s i n e s s a n d industry, not p e o p l e or t h e planet.

a t t e n d i n g h u s t i n g s a n d finally, b y v o t i n g .

This y e a r w e h a v e s e e n t h e t h e g o v e r n -

it's v e r y r e a s o n a b l e . It's a fair

R e m e m b e r , w e m i g h t k e e p r e p e a t i n g it,

m e n t s ' latest nail in t h e c o f f i n o f e d u c a -

price," w a s t h e c o m m e n t m a d e b y a L o n -

M e a n w h i l e , b a c k in E n g l a n d , "I think market

but it is t r u e - it is y o u r U n i o n , a n d y o u r

t i o n f o r all, t u i t i o n f e e s a r e n o w a reality.

d o n School of Economics student o n

opinions d o count.

Yet w e a r e n o t a l o n e , o t h e r g o v e r n m e n t s

tuition fees. W h y not take a leaf o u t o f

have also b e e n 'reforming' the education

the Greek schoolbooks and d o some-

systems in their c o u n t r i e s .

thing to defend our education system

However,

Deadline for letters is

Ihe

say, e i t h e r t h r o u g h t h e f o c u s g r o u p s , b y

Cheers

because

Vasilis Evangelidis, a 30 y e a r o l d a n a r c h i s t

r e p l a c e d it this w e e k w i t h " U t o p i a " w h i c h

M o u s s e T etc t h e n you'll love this.

By t h e w a y , s e c u r i t y d o n ' t c o n d u c t

a n d riots c o n t i n u e d t o s w e e p t h e c o u n -

o p i n i o n c o u n t s - after r e p e a t e d ments

people

their t r o u b l e s . O n J a n u a r y 19th, as d e m o s

D e a r Felix,

each meeting.

25,000

p r e s e r v i n g their a n o n y m i t y .

Stef E v a n s

is i n v i t e d t o a t t e n d , t h o u g h w e w i l l b e

where

a n o n y m o u s , they can contact m e a n d I w ill p a s s t h e i n f o r m a t i o n o n t o security,

5.30 in t h e UDFI

Anyone w h o has something to say

Athens,

tact K e i t h R e y n o l d s o n x 4 8 9 0 2 . S h o u l d t h e pe r s on ( s ) in q u e s t i o n w i s h t o r e m a i n

these reforms are attracting so m u c h

i n s t e a d o f s i t t i n g b a c k a n d l e t t i n g it

Mark H o m e

m o r e r e s i s t a n c e a b r o a d t h e n in Britain

b e c o m e c l o s e d o f f t o all e x c e p t t h o s e

Events & M a r k e t i n g M a n a g e r

that it p u t s u s t o s h a m e .

a b l e t o p a y f o r it.

but a s w i p e card must b e s h o w n

w h e n submitting

a n o n y m o u s letters.

In G r e e c e , p u p i l s a n d t e a c h e r s h a v e joined forces to o p p o s e the i m p l e m e n -

Whiplash a Winner

B. C a n n i n g , C h e m . 3

t a t i o n o f t h e 2525/97 A c t w h i c h s e e k s t o link e d u c a t i o n d i r e c t l y t o t h e n e e d s a n d

P. S. If y o u w a n t t o s u b s c r i b e t o

D e a r Felix,

fluctuations o f t h e e c o n o m y . T h e Act,

SchNEWS

then

to:

i n t r o d u c e d nearly a year a g o a n d billed

h t t p : / / w w w . s c h n e w s . o r g . u k / a n d if y o u

In r e s p o n s e t o W h i p l a s h I w o u l d just like

as " a b r o a d r e f o r m o f t h e e d u c a t i o n sys-

like w h a t y o u g e t t h e n s e n d t h e m a

to c o n g r a t u l a t e t h e u n i o n f o r at last h a v -

t e m " m e a n s , in reality, i n t e n s i f i c a t i o n o f

donation.

e Monday s

Science and Maths

Exam Stress Workshop

Tutors Required

' E m o t i o n a l Preparation ' led by Claudio Calvi, Psychotherapist

m s

Tuesday

Imperial College Health Centre S c i e n c e a n d M a t h s t u t o r s r e q u i r e d in London a n d the H o m e Counties.

Wednesday 10 & 17 March, 3.00 - 4.30pm e

Graduates only p

News Meeting

Clubscene

Thursday Phoenix Meet i n g

Friday

Tel The w o r k s h o p will p r o v i d e o p p o r t u n i t i e s t o share c o n c e r n s a n d e x p l o r e better

(Top Tutors A g e n c y )

w a y s o f h a n d l i n g stress a n d a n x i e t y d u r i n g r e v i s i o n a n d e x a m s .

News Meeting

Music Meeting

5 s

might provide different

Having b e e n deprived o f space for my

perspectives

I s h o u l d n o t e at t h i s p o i n t that I a m

that I s p e n t it f i l l i n g in M S c a p p l i c a t i o n

o n what the question actually means.

nol

I would

fotms, d o i n g my laundry a n d watching

It m a y w e l l b e t h a t t h e a c t o f r e c o g -

r a t h e r n o t h a v e a h e a d to h e a d a r g u -

the Cartoon Network, while my Valen-

(yet) b l a m i n g a n y o n e .

y o u lot w r i t e m o r e l e t t e r s ? L u c k i l y I a m

p u t e r p r o g r a m to p o s s e s s h u m a n - l i k e

s e e a n y w h e r e e l s e t h a i is s u i t a b l e . But

Ihe w a y ) . I l o p c T u l l y y o u s p e n t it d o i n g

u n a b l e to c o m m e n t a b o u t

c o n s c i o u s n e s s , t h e n for all intents a n d

nine thousand of y o u see more of the

s o m e t h i n g m o r e romantic. As lor the

C l i n t o n ' s i m p e a c h m e n t ( o r l a c k o f it),

p u r p o s e s it d o e s

i n d e e d p o s s e s s it.

c a m p u s i n o n e d a y t h a n I c o u l d s e c in

bes t V a l e n t i n e m e s s a g e in this issue...

as at t h e t i m e o f w r i t i n g t h e S e n a t e

T h i s i m p l i e s that y o u r o w n ' s t a t u s ' a s

a w e e k , e v e n if I s p e n t a l l t h e t i m e

I d o n ' t k n o w - t h e y ' r e all s o o g o o d , I

w a s still d e b a t i n g b e h i n d c l o s e d d o o r s .

a h u m a n is d e f i n e d b y t h o s e

around

l o o k i n g . S o if a n y o n e d o e s h a v e a n y

can't decide. Sarcasm

At t h e e n d o f t h e d a y , t h o u g h , w e a l l

you, a n d not from within y o u . Which

bright ideas, I w o u l d very m u c h like t o

conversational tool...

President

poked

exams

ment

a r o u n d c o l l e g e a b i l , a n d can't really

Lslales.

have

for f o r t h c o m i n g

n i s i n g c o n s c i o u s n e s s d e f i n e s i l - i.e. if e v e r y o n e believes a m a c h i n e or c o m -

with

tine revised

u s u a l rant last w e e k , I a m n o w left w i t h a n e n t i r e p a g e t o fill. W h y c a n ' t

( g o o d l u c k to e v e r y o n e in B i o l o g y II b y

is d e f i n i t e l y a

k n o w the likely o u t c o m e - he'll g e t a

w o u l d s u g g e s t il is i m p o s s i b l e t o f u l l y

h e a r f r o m y o u . If a n y o n e a g r e e s w i l h

L n o u g h from m e . To save y o u from

t e l l i n g o f f , a s l a p o n t h e w r i s t at b e s t

understand what you mean

m e that t h o s e c a b i n s a r e u n s u i t a b l e ; , I

m a d n e s s a n d t o fill u p t h e rest o f this

(or w o r s t , d e p e n d i n g o n y o u r p o l i t i c a l

c o n s c i o u s n e s s , a s y o u p l a y n o part i n

m i g h t b e w a n t i n g to hear

p a g e , m y g o o d friend lain M c n a u g h l

persuasion). With the cameras a n d

d e f i n i n g it. H m m m . O n e f o r t h o s e lat e

too...

reporters r e m o v e d from t h e c h a m b e r ,

n i g h t s a r o u n d t h e c a m p f i r c , I'd s a y .

by y o u r

from you

has written a brief history o f Valentines. Lnjoy your b o y / girlfriend, enjoy b e i n g s i n g l e , w h a t e v e r . Just m a k e s u r e y o u

h o w e v e r , it is i n t e r e s t i n g t o s p e c u l a t e

h o w each Senator will u s e his allotted

s p e e c h t i m e . Y o u c a n s e e it n o w ; " M r Speaker, you

So, h o w w a s V a l e n t i n e ' s Day? I s u s p e c t

Ladies a n d G e n t l e m e n . Did

hear

the o n e about

man...?" Perhaps

t h e Irish-

they could

whittle

vole.

It s e e m s t h a t a n u n b e l i e v a b l e

num-

b e r (i e d o u b l e f i g u r e s ) o f y o u h a v e

away the minutes reciting p o e m s for

taken

their l o v e d o n e s . W h a t e v e r t h e y ' r e u p

n o m i n a t i o n p a p e r s . Your five p a g e s o f

notice of the Union's

call t o

t o , I'm s u r e t h e y c o u l d n ' t p o s s i b l y b e

m a n i f e s t o e s p u s h e d this w e e k ' s

Valentine's day has

talking

t o 32 i n t o t a l . H u s t i n g s w i l l b e l o n g .

a l o n g h i s t o r y . Us

about

impeachment.

That

w o u l d g o against the etiquette of t h e

Very

A m e r i c a n l e g a l s y s t e m - it w o u l d b e

c o u n t , re-allocate, a n d c o u n t a g a i n .

g e t t i n g to t h e p o i n t . A flick t h r o u g h home

is m o r e

l o n g . Votes will take

h o u r s to

closer

interesting. 'Chelsea

pages

keeps

roots in R o m a n c u s t o m s . O n t h e four-

s a i n t ' s d a y is t h e s a m e

became

reason

that

the winter solstice b e c a m e Christmas a n d the festival o f the m o o n g o d d e s s

k n o w n as Lupercalia w a s celebrated .

Faster - Christian a d o p t i o n o f P a g a n

means

I h i s i n v o l v e d ri t u a l w h i p p i n g o f y o u n g

riles. Ihe M i d d l e A g e s s a w the e m e r -

with animal hide t h o n g s to

g e n c e o( V a l e n t i n e ' s t r a d i t i o n s a s w e

my printers

day of lebruary

teenth

L o s e at H a r l i n g t o n ' c a n d o n o t h i n g b u t

employment, longer hustings

amuse

m o r e beer drinking, a n d I love staying

women

m e . If p l a y e r s w h o a r e p a i d

val

origins arc shady

festival

days ahead. Honestly, I a m delighted; more

reason

w h y a fertility festi-

a n d u n c e r t a i n but p r o b a b l y h a v e their

S o r r y , I'm j u s t v i s u a l i s i n g t h e t e n news

The

u p all n i g h t p r o d u c i n g e l e c t i o n s p e c i a l s

ward

( O K , s o t h a t last o n e ' s o n l y h a l f t r u e ) .

b e l i e v e d , m a k e t h e m m o r e fertile. The

is g e n e r a l l y a t t r i b u t e d t o that

r o o m s , they w o n ' t get a n y s y m p a t h y

G o o d luck to e a c h a n d every o n e o f

latin f o r g o a t s k i n t h o n g is f e b r u a - this

smoothie Charles

Rolexes

lying

about

and, so

Ihey

k n o w t h e m t o d a y . I h e first V a l e n t i n e

to leave changing

millions are stupid e n o u g h

o f f evil w o l v e s

French

Due d'Orleans. A

p r i s o n e r o f w a r in t h e t o w e r

after

from m e . that financial a n d h e a l t h

y o u . A n d t o t h e rest o f y o u I C U m e m -

is w h e r e t h e m o n t h

p r o b l e m s are c o n n e c t e d c o m e s as n o

bers; they've s i g n e d up, written 300

from. The R o m a n s w e r e a kinky lot,

A g i n c o u r l in 1 4 1 5 , h e w r o t e a r h y m e d

surprise whatsoever - t h e o l d m a x i m

w o r d s , put u p posters, laid their pride

still,

than

v e r s e d ' a m o u r to h i s w i f e in t r a n c e o n

'healthy in m i n d , h e a l t h y in b o d y ' h a s

a n d r e p u t a t i o n o n the line - so V O I L

sending s o m e o n e w h o doesn't k n o w

S a i n t V a l e n t i n e ' s d a y . H e f o l l o w e d this

scientific b a c k i n g a n d , funnily e n o u g h ,

FOR T H E M !

y o u exist a n a n o n y m o u s card in t h e

up w i t h a n o t h e r sixty or s o w h i c h c a n

h o p e that t h e y m i g h t n o t i c e y o u a s a

still b e s e e n in t h e B r i t i s h m u s e u m . H e

result.

clearly w a n t e d h e r to k e e p his s i d e of

was the topic of m y final year project. D o n ' t start m c . . .

it s o u n d s

gets

name

exciting

W h a t h a s w h i p p i n g g o t to d o w i t h V a l e n t i n e ' s d a y if y o u ' r e

its

Y e s , i t ' s f o u r in t h e m o r n i n g , a n d

masochist?

Well,

not a sado

it's q u i t e

f u n for

t h e b e d f r e e , n o l t o m e n t i o n I h e fact that h e w a s p r o b a b l y g e t t i n g a little f r u s t r a t e d in t h e t o w e r .

I'm c o m p l a i n i n g a g a i n . T h o s e o f y o u

t h o s e w h o h a v e n ' t t r i e d it. T h e d a t e is

Igor A l e x a n d e r ' s ' M a g n u s ' is a far m o r e

who

freshers'

a s s o c i a t e d w i t h fertility a n d p i c k i n g a

common

interesting topic. I personally d o not

w e e k w i l l r e m e m b e r t h a t last y e a r l e l i x

m a t e . It w a s a c o m m o n l y h e l d b e l i e f

s e e k their i d e a l m a n by p i n n i n g bay

arc nearer

finals than

birds (the flying kind) did n o l

In t h e s e v e n t e e n t h c e n t u r y i l w a s (or u n m a r r i e d

maidens lo

leaves l o their pillow o n Valentine's

h a v e a p r o b l e m w i t h AI -1 c a n a c c e p t

( a n d t h e n o w c l o s e d Print U n i t ) o c c u -

that

that w i t h i n m y l i f e t i m e t h e r e w i l l p r o b -

p i e d an o d d - s h a p e d , but ultimately

c h o o s e their suitor until

ably be c o m p u t e r s w h o s e

responses

s p a c i o u s o f f i c e w h e r e t h e dB s bar n o w

day each year.

to h u m a n s . W h a t is

r e s i d e s . W h e n t h e Beit r e d e v e l o p m e n t

Saints Valentine (there w e r e t w o

would draw a woman's' names from

i n t e r e s t i n g is a s k i n g at w h a t

is c o m p l e t e , Felix a n d o t h e r P u b B o a r d

of t h e m ) a r c b o t h t h o u g h t to h a v e

a hat a n d w e a r il o n their s l e e v e for

con-

c l u b s w i l l h a v e l o v e l y n e w o f f i c e s in t h e

b e e n early Christian priests. O n e w a s

the next w e e k - h e n c e t h e term w e a r -

scious, a n d give t h e m t h e rights asso-

b a s e m e n t , in t i m e f o r t h e start o f t h e

executed

ing one's heart o n one's sleeve.

ciated with such a property? After all,

2000/01 a c a d e m i c y e a r .

In t h e i n t e r -

C l a u d i u s in 2 7 0 b e f o r m a r r y i n g y o u n g

G i v i n g cards w a s c o m m o n by the

' h i g h e r a n i m a l s ' (i.e. pets) h a v e m o r e

v e n i n g t w o years, lelix w a s to have

c o u p l e s in c o n t r a d i c t i o n o f a n i m p e r -

1 8 0 0 s . I'd s a y its m u c h l e s s f u n t h a n whipping each

are c o m p a r a b l e more

p o i n t d o w e call s u c h m a c h i n e s

legal rights than y o u r P e n t i u m

Valentine's

n i g h t in t h e b e l i e f that

they

would

d r e a m of their future h u s b a n d . M e n

by the R o m a n

emperor

based

'suitable temporary a c c o m m o d a t i o n ' ,

ial

longer can

a c c o r d i n g to m e e t i n g s m y p r e d e c e s s o r

Claudius thought

such a distinction be maintained with-

a n d I a t t e n d e d last s u m m e r . I h e c u r -

tracted m e n f r o m their duty to soldier

cut o u t r e d c r e p e

o u t m o r a l c o n t r a d i c t i o n s c r e e p i n g in?

r e n t o f f i c e is, in m y o p i n i o n , i d e a l - t h e

f o r t h e e m p i r e ; , s o h e b a n n e d it. S a i n t

y o u r t e a c h e r at p r i m a r y s c h o o l o r s e n d

f a c t t h a t it is s m a l l e r t h a n t h e p r e v i o u s

V a l e n t i n e m a r r i e d c o u p l e s in secret,

s w i s h W l I S m i t h c a r d s to t h o s e p e o p l e

o n e is o u t w e i g h e d b y its s h a p e , l o c a -

but w a s f o u n d o u t , i m p r i s o n e d a n d

you've always fancied but never h a d

t i o n a n d g e n e r a l a m b i e n c e . Next year,

beheaded.

t h e g u t s t o t a l k t o . In t h e l a t t e r c a s e I

workstation.

How much

O f c o u r s e , w h a t is r e a l l y at s t a k e is o u r definition

specifically

consciousness,

human

and

consciousness.

W h a t is it t o b e h u m a n ? N o t a n e a s y question

for a M o n d a y

morning, I

realise. T h e p o i n t is t h a t t h i s is a p h i l o -

order

banning

all

marriage.

that m a r r i a g e

r e c o m m e n d b e e r a s in m y e x p e r i e n c e

of a Christian martyr. I m p r i s o n e d for

D u t c h c o u r a g e is far m o r e s u c c e s s s f u l

be g i v e n the cabins near Physics - o n

his beliefs, his parish c h i l d r e n m i s s e d

than cryptic m e s s a g e s in p o o r l y dis-

the

his k i n d n e s s s o m u c h that t h e y

g u i s e d h a n d w r i t i n g . Still, it's a nice;

right as y o u h e a d

down

from

P r i n c e C o n s o r t R o a d t o w a r d s t h e Sher-

him loving notes w h i c h they between

cirthey

hearts for

t h e m o m e n t it s e e m s l i k e l y t h a i w e w i l l

f i e l d B u i l d i n g . T h e y a r e n o t , in m y o p i n -

it, a l t h o u g h

paper

T h e o t h e r Saint V a l e n t i n e w a s a b i l

scientific o n e . N o a m o u n t o f n e u r o cuitry c a n a n s w e r

o t h e r , bu t that's t h e

way things have g on e. N o w y o u can

h o w e v e r , w e h a v e n o w h e r e t o g o . At

sophical question, a n d not merely a logical investigation or c u n n i n g

dis-

ion,

'suitable

accommodation',

t e m p o r a r y or o t h e r w i s e .

th e bars

took

passed

o f his cell. The

excuse for y o u a n d your

significant

other lo make a romantic (and hope-

records d o n ' l say a n y t h i n g a b o u t his

f u l l y p a s s i o n a t e ) n i g h t o f it. I k n o w

sweetheart, only children.

will.

hell-bent o n o p e n

Lady

ment b e n c h e s are stuffed to bursting Therefore,

day w h e n

s h e p u t t h e G L C a n d its

s t o p p e d at all c o s t s . H e

i n s i d i o u s s i d e k i c k , ILLA, o u t o f t h e i r

m u s t n o t b e a l l o w e d to

e l l , i t ' s b e e n a w h i l e , b u t it

misery. Unfortunately,

stand,

had

before millions had been wasted on a

battle with

T h a t c h e r . I still r e m e m b e r t h e h a l c y o n

to h a p p e n

eventually.

Rag h a v e finally g o t their act

together,

recovering from the infa-

huge

range

from

the lunatic

this w a s not

o f p r o j e c t s that

ranged

lo downright

dis-

he must

let

become Of

course,

rubbish.

t h i s is

Party r a n k a n d f i l e s u p -

ple, c a m e

port K e n , h e must

19 t i m e s t h e

original b u d g e t ; e v e n Imperial

very s u c c e s s f u l , a n d y o u can't

h o l d a c a n d l e t o t h a t sort o f i n c o m -

ultimately

p e t e n c e . T o list e v e n a h u n d r e d t h o f

judgement of the peo-

the crackpot s c h e m e s

p l e . B l a i r ' s o p p o s i t i o n is

w i t h ÂŁ5000 f o r c h a r i t y , m a t e . O f c o u r s e , this f i g u r e m a y c o m pare

unfavourably with the medics'

efforts, but n o n o r m a l h u m a n

beings

w o u l d fill a y e a r ' s F e l i x e s . It is a l s o f o r g o t t e n b y m a n y

their slavish d e d i c a t i o n a n d d e t a c h -

Ken

secured

m e n t f r o m reality, to w i t t h e M l

the

leader-

d e n t . A l l t o l d , c o n g r a t u l a t i o n s to b o t h

the GLC

f u n d e d under Livingstone's leadership

will p r o b a b l y ever b e abl e to m a t c h

inci-

that

ship after

that

this n e w authority? The answer is no, but unfortunately w e

face

out-

weighed

a mil-

lionfold

by the

positives,

was

elimination

office

for

don.

The

the referendum..."

Lonperwas

sonnel

the

decidedly dodgy,

role w a s there.

r e i n f o r c e s his i m a g e as a c o n t r o l freak,

empowered

w h o is p e r m a n e n t l y w o r r i e d a b o u t d i s -

ropolitan issues w o u l d b e beneficial,

Simon Baker

A mayor

but the

c u r i o u s f r o m a n u m b e r o f a n g l e s . It

w h o was

l o co-ordinate

pan-met-

s i m p l e to i m p l e m e n t a n d c h e a p .

agreement

the

GLC,

of a f i g u r e h e a d

were stitched up in

allowed to stand, and

from

scrapping

the

this year's e v e n t s h a v e p r o v e d to b e argue

can't

"...do w e n e e d

If t h e L a b o u r

g r a c e f u l . T h e T h a m e s Barrier, f o r e x a m -

potential

downside

alone

m o u s Willis e r a a n d t h e s u b s e q u e n t

in at a b o u t

g o o d The only

Mayor.

w i l d e r n e s s y e a r s . It w o u l d s e e m

that

bly f o r I h e

and

conflict-

ing

view/

o h n o , w e can't stop there.

But

Let's w h a c k in a n o t h e r tier o f b u r e a u -

Rag c a m p s , with four cheers for Sarah

Left-wing

points,

C o b u r n f o r f i n a l l y g i v i n g I C U R a g its

coup, depos-

ever

c r e d i b i l i t y b a c k . It m a k e s a c h a n g e t o

ing

Consulting

su re- f ire w a y o f w a s t i n g m o n e y o n t h e

start o n a h a p p y n o t e , p a r t i c u l a r l y a f t e r

newly

pet projects o f self-interested c o u n -

last w e e k ' s u n c o m p r o m i s i n g p i e c e o n

elected m o d -

b o o k of Clini-

cillors w h o like t h e s o u n d o f their o w n

i n c o m p e t e n t staff, f o r w h i c h I m a k e n o

erate council

cal

voice slightly m o r e

apolog ies . A n d b e f o r e y o u ask, t h e

leader.

ogy,

stitches I have are not d u e to a n e g a -

Admittedly,

that's

t i v e r e s p o n s e f r o m o n e o f o u r Sher-

time

paranoia.

field brethren...

when

the

hile

I may have

scribbled

the

how-

cracy,

just

trivial.

Sadly,

local d e m o c r a c y

Ladybird

PsycholI

'democracy'.

than

is u s u a l l y a

is h e a l t h y .

think

Consequently, s o m e of the benefits of

called

c r o s s - b o r o u g h c o - o p e r a t i o n w i l l b e sacri f i ce d o n t h e altar o f local a c c o u n t -

Also,

influence of

Labour

Red

done the job

Ted

to ensure

have

a b i l i t y . If w e r e a l l y w a n t s o m e k i n d o f mayoral

accountability, beyond

that

to t h e electorate, deleg ate s f r o m the

Knight

was

properly

London

still

very

( w e l l , it's p o s -

council leaders, could form such an

sible

strong,

this

not an

b o r o u g h s , p r e s u m a b l y their

a s s e m b l y . A s it i s , w e h a v e a l l t h e c o s t

squeeze,

of running a n d h o u s i n g the elected

reams about turope, I haven't

was

said anything about an impor-

uncommon

suppose), the

r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s . It is f a r t o o e a r l y t o say

tant i s s u e f a c i n g u s a little c l o s e r t o

event,

GLA will have

if w e a r e l o o k i n g at a G L C M k II, b u t

home,

London

don

little

w h a t e v e r t h e o u t c o m e , it is n o t t h e

of you

that

best s o l u t i o n f o r L o n d o n . Yet a g a i n a

namely

the Greater

Authority, f e a r f u l that s o m e

Lonhaving

power

Marx-

may thinkthat I don't hold an o p i n i o n

ists i n s u r r e c -

the

o n it, h e r e g o e s

tions

whosoever

w e are g o v e r n e d has e m e r g e d

that

should

N e w Labour half-baked a n d giving the

be, will never

d i s t i n c t i m p r e s s i o n t h a t it h a s b e e n

be in a p o s i -

d r a f t e d o n a C h i a n t i - s t a i n e d n a p k i n in

my two 'penneth.

N o w seems a g o o d time to c o m m e n t

than

Central

Voice of Reason

o n it, b e c a u s e t h e Let K e n S t a n d c a m -

America.

p a i g n is g e t t i n g i n t o full s w i n g . N o t t h e

Those

mayoral election. Not the candidate

t h i n k o f K e n as a witty,

s e l e c t i o n . N o , t h e c u r r e n t b a t t l e is t o

b l o k e s h o u l d b e a r t h i s in m i n d .

who newt-loving

mayor,

t i o n t o r o c k t h e b o a t . If t h e y h a v e n ' t been

that c a r e f u l

G o d help us. C h a n c e s arc they

list.

t o a g r e a t e r o r l e s s e r e x t e n t , s o let h i m

Older readers should r e m e m b e r ,

c o u r s e , that I m p e r i a l ' s first y e a r s w o u l d have b e e n about three years old w h e n t h e G r e a t e r L o n d o n C o u n c i l w a s in its self-destruction repeating Ken

mode,

s o it

bears

b e c a u s e at t h i s r a t e it w i l l b e a o n e

i n e x p l i c a b l e . K e n is v e r y p o p u l a r

horse

w i t h t h e electorate-. T h i s g r e a t l y

t r o u b l e s M r Blair. T h e fact that a n y o n e

that

Living-

"...from where I stood,

of the G L C w a s

s o m e quarters, as

slightly

w a n t i n g in h i s stewardship of the

council.

From

where

stood, the m a n was

the m a n was off his

off

rocker - more left w i n g than Stalin, and hell-bent on o p e n battle with Lady Thatcher..."

his

r o c k e r , m o r e left w i n g t h a n S t a l i n , a n d

Labour

failing to

o m e t h i n g t h a t I've b e e n m e a n i n g to p l u g f o r s o m e l i m e is t h e IC

' S u m m e r Ball at A l e x a n d r a P a l a c e .

d e c i d e d u p o n a c a n d i d a t e in t i m e for

I m a n a g e d t o b l a g a t i c k e t last year-1

the voting. Here's h o p i n g .

s a y b l a g , b e c a u s e I left it l a t e a n d h a d

Blair

t o e n g a g e i n all s o r t s o f h o r s e t r a d i n g -

popular

and

other

than

seen

obviously a source of

s t o n e as l e a d e r

viewed,

t a c l e is g r e a t f o r t h e C o n s e r v a t i v e s ,

r o b l e m is, f o r r e a s o n s t h a t a r e

with

Islington.

have,

s t a n d . I m u s t a d m i t that this silly s p e c -

race,

from

in t h e s m a l l p r i n t ,

get dear o l d Ken o n t o Labour's short-

W h y t h e b i g f u s s , I h e a r y o u cry?

policy f o r c h a n g i n g t h e w a y in w h i c h

short in t h e delivery, but this w a s o n e

a n g u i s h for O u r G l o -

c a s e - K e n is a S o c i a l -

ist. This, p a r a d o x i c a l l y ,

rious

Leader,

but

there

is a n

added

complication

in t h i s

it w a s a b s o l u t e l y b r i l l i a n t . Y o u

a l w a y s t h i n k t h a t t h e s e g r a n d i d e a s fall

bigger

already need

answer

question

been

this

has

decided:

sadly

n e w authority?

is n o , b u t u n f o r t u n a t e l y

of t h e rare t i m e s w h e n Imperial delive r e d w h a t w a s p r o m i s e d . This y e a r will

The

be m u c h bigger, a n d I have no doubt

that tickets will g o like h o t c a k e s . Get

w e r e s t i t c h e d u p in t h e r e f e r e n d u m .

your

is w h y K e n p l a y s w e l l

Despite m u c h c a m p a i g n i n g , the issues

for w h a t w i l l b e a c o r k e r . N o t 'arf.

to t h e gallery, insofar

o f M a y o r a n d A s s e m b l y w e r e n o t split,

as h e is n o t a t y p i c a l

m e a n i n g all o r n o t h i n g . T h e a p p o i n t -

brainless, Blair d r o n e , w i t h w h i c h

humourless the G o v e r n -

m e n t o f a mayor to oversee

matters

s u c h a s t r a n s p o r t in L o n d o n is p r o b a -

chequebook s out and

prepare

This week we profile Knickers and Pants. Record the Mad Monkeys on Friday night, 7-9pm for next week's feature.

e2 T? Earf

Mailibu - H°le

Wif

Lo^e - GayDa4

one way - The Levellers

tfa-fisnal Express - DiVine c°*ieay

muscle. .

When 1 Argue 1 see Shapes - Wleuiild

Praise y°u - ?a-fbsy Slitu

K: Its t h e o n l y b i l o f kil I'd c o n t e m p l a t e w e a r i n g . f

The Sea - M°rCKeeba

EVeryy?uEVery »ie - Placebo

y P: B e c a u s e o f t h e e n o r m i t y o f t h e p a n t s that I h a v e to w e a r l o s u p p o r t m y l o v e

P: K n i c k e r s . I j u s l w i s h s h e ' d c o v e r u p - It's e m b a r r a s s i n g .

Tender - Blur

As gssd as if ge-Fs - Gene

Tequila - TerrsrVision'

Hazel - L??p Da L??p

Burning Disasf er - Language Lab

WafChifig WiWSWS - R?n'i Size

Blahkef - Urban Species

Black Milk - Massive A-f-f ack

K: Pants. t K: W e ' d tell y o u . b u t t h e n w e ' d h a v e t o kill y o u . t K: M y p u r p l e silk o n e s P: M & S o n e s that m y m o m m y b o u g h t m e for C h r i s t m a s . w K: Its m o r e a q u e s t i o n o f h o w m a n y V a l e n t i n e s c a r d s d i d n ' t I g e t ! P: Y e a h , I d i d n ' t g et m i l l i o n s ! ! ! ! e K: Y e a h , Kate M o s s a p p a r e n t l y p u t o n a bit o f w e i g h t s o t h e y c a l l e d mc: i n . I

I h c y ' r e w a i l i n g for w i d e - s c r e e n t o take o f f s o p e o p l e c a n a p p r e c i a t e m e m o r e .

s K D o w n t h e toilet like all g o o d shit P: t r o u b l e is that it's a g r a n n y floater that w o n ' t g o a w a y . o y K: W e ' d

sell out...

P: ...unless t h e p r i c e w a s right. f P: A n e l e v a t o r r e p a i r m a n o b v i o u s l y . K: Y e a h , o n e that d i d n ' t s m e l l t o o b a d - m o s t o f t h e m stink, d o n ' t they? t K: T h e o r a n g e o n e s a r c n i c e . . . P: But d o n ' t t h e y sell t h e m all r o u n d t h e c o u n t r y l o o ? I

pickers i Pattfs - We<J 12 'fill 2

K: Is that a n e w i n v e n t i o n or s o m e t h i n g ? In m y d a y it w a s just biscuit a n d c h o c o late... .

P: Harry R a n s d c n ' s . H e d o e s il w i t h a n i c e g a r l i c s a u c e .

WEEKLY SCHEDULE

R T 1. G a y Dad- To Earth w i t h Love g

T 2. I d l e w i l d - W h c n I A r g u e t

3. Levellers- O n e W a y 99

- 4. D e v i n e C o m e d y - N a t i o n a l Express t

T 6. M e r c u r y Rev- Delta Sun Bottle. S t o m p

Marky Mark

T 7. Stereophonies-Just L o o k i n g = 8. Plutonik- Sitting o n T o p o f t h e W o r l d t

5. L a n g u a g e Lab.- B u r n i n g Disaster

9. N e w Radicals- Y o u G e t W h a t y o u give

4- 10. Placebo- Every y o u , Every m c T 11. L o o p D a Loop- H a z e l - 12. U r b a n Species- Blancket T 13. H o l c - M a l i b u T 14. Fungus- O v e r m y H e a d -15. G e n e - A s G o o d A s It G e t s - 16. B a b y b i r d - B a c k T o g e t h e r -17. O o b e r m a n - S h o r l e y Wall - 18. The Jellys- L e m o n a d e Girl 4- 19. G a r b a g e - W h e n I G r o w U p - 20. U m a j e t s - W h e n I W a k e U p

Jon

1 e their knickers The man with the 1 •.;a . ••' <-iy-:- ' hair returns after his s d expose. weeks absence to j deliver a consistentiirrlV; ; .ooving^i ly quality show. show, not to be s vVn{. oris 1 ' missed... unless o give cway y f you're doing someBanter from the ICR •».•';.;• .7:.; .''''il thing more interesteei -ol t ''St|'' bin man with coing like cutting your • presenter Anne toe nails. Diamond. i

Steve Choice choons chosen by the choisiest of the choonful at ICR.

• ; The .!•.... • . tunes •from e fJoi *hs f IC Rod • '!.-:.

Who

chanty •

•

how like this

s y With guest presenter Rod Hull and Emu.

0 British f o o d h a s r e c e i v e d m o r e t h a n its fair s h a r e o f crit-

that m a k e s t h e w a i t totally w o r t h w h i l e .

Peel a n d c h o p t h e potatoes, then boil as usual. D r a i n t h e p a n , t h e n p u t it b a c k o n t h e h e a t f o r a

i c i s m . T h e p r o b l e m is t y p i c a l o f t h i s c o u n t r y , r o o t e d i n

m i n u t e or s o . t h i s e x t r a d r y i n g i n c r e a s e s f l u f f i n e s s . U s e

a v i e w o f f o o d for s u s t e n a n c e rather t h a n pl e as u r e . A s

a t t i t u d e s start t o c h a n g e , w e ' v e a d o p t e d m o r e a n d

a hand masher to squash the potato, then a d d the extras. I n o r m a l l y stick in s o m e b u t t e r a n d milk. Sur-

m o r e f o r e i g n r e c i p e s i n t o o u r d i e t . But w h a t o u r n a t i v e c u i s i n e t radi t i on al l y lacks in f l a v o u r , is m o r e t h a n m a d e

School mash, m a d e from powder and served with

p r i s i n g l y , m i l k tastes far b e t t e r t h a n c r e a m in m a s h . A n

u p in t h e s h e e r w a r m t h a n d w h o l e n e s s o f t h e f o o d .

a s c o o p . Even n o w the m e r e t h o u g h t m a k e s m e c r i n g e ,

alternative is to u s e o l i v e oil i n s t e a d o f t h e m i l k a n d but-

Ev en t h e h a r s h e s t critics o f British f o o d a r e o f t e n still

s o it's s t r a n g e that p r o p e r m a s h e d p o t a t o n o w r a n k s

ter. A d d i n g c h o p p e d p a r s l e y o r basil m a k e s

partial t o a s l i c e o f roast m e a t , a Y o r k s h i r e p u d d i n g o r

a m o n g s t m y favourite foods. The only essentials are

g o o d variation.

another

a little fruit c a k e . W e n o w n e e d t o t a k e a f r e s h l o o k at

British c o o k i n g . W i t h a little w o r k t o a v o i d t h e typical

s r

flavour d r a i n , s o m e o f o u r o w n f o o d c a n b e really s p e cial. Sausages accompanied

by mashed

potato are

great e x a m p l e o f a t r a d i t i o n a l British m e a l . W h e n m a d e w e l l , it c a n taste f a n t a s t i c . N i g e l Slater d e s c r i b e s p e r fectly t h e j o y that is b a n g e r s a n d m a s h , p a r t i c u l a r l y i n his latest b o o k R e a l F o o d .

s I subscribe to t h e sausage

cooking philosophy

A great a c c o m p a n i m e n t for s a u s a g e s a n d m a s h . O n i o n g r a v y c a n h a v e a l m o s t a s m u c h f l a v o u r as m e a t gravy.

1 large o n i o n a b o u t SOg b u t t e r half t a b l e s p o o n flour q u a r t e r pint o f s t o c k Worcestershire

sauce

Salt a n d P e p p e r

a d v o c a t e d b y M a t t h e w f o r t o f t h e G u a r d i a n . For m c , t h e o n l y m e t h o d is t o c o o k t h e m really s l o w l y in a p a n .

M e l t t h e b u t t e r in a l a r g e s a u c e p a n . P e e l a n d

The s a u s a g e s must b e g o o d quality, preferably f r o m a

c h o p t h e o n i o n . C o o k s l o w l y w i t h a lid f o r a b o u t t w e n t y m i n u t e s , until t h e o n i o n g o e s really b r o w n . Stick in t h e

butcher.

flour, t h e n c o o k for a further m i n u t e . A d d t h e stock

T h e m e t h o d c o u l d n ' t b e s i m p l e r . Just p u t t h e m i n a f r y i n g p a n o v e r a really l o w h e a t , a n d c o o k f o r a b o u t

real p o t a t o , a n d s o m e t h i n g t o m o i s t e n it u p . P o t a t o e s

slowly, m i x i n g all t h e t i m e . S e a s o n w i t h salt, p e p p e r a n d

an hour. Slow c o o k i n g m e a n s there's n o n e e d t o

c o m e in t w o b a s i c t y p e s : w a x y , a n d f l o u r y . I g o a l o n g

Worcestershire sauce, then turn d o w n t h e heat a n d b u b b l e for a further 15.

p i e r c e t h e s k i n . N o h o l e s m e a n s n o loss o f j u i c e s , b u t

w i t h N i g e l Slater's v e r d i c t that m a s h is best m a d e f r o m

the semi-permeable skin o f g o o d s a u s a g e s d o e s allow

t h e f l o u r y varieties, s u c h as M a r i s Piper, D e s i r e e or K i n g

fat t o s l o w l y s e e p o u t , f o r m i n g a f a n t a s t i c s t i c k y g o o

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a v e r a g e o f f o u r a p o s t , s o I'm q u i e t l y happy.

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puppies,

especially

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anylhing,

large o v e r h e a d s a n d

d a y s a r c H u s t i n g s . If y o u h a v e n ' t f o l -

that

* ply? I c a n ' t p r o m i s e

a f e w p r o d u c t s that with

ever, a l

in Ihe

j presently d o n ' l sup-

drinks). There w e r e

I wanted the

bars

magical number of seven people thai to stand for president a l

want

when Vodka,

Malibu or

what d o y o u think? (email

inally, to all o f t h o s e

tium a n d bulk email m e about

S o u t h P a r k , I b r i n g g o o d n e w s . II w i l l

b e s h o w n o n t h e b i g s c r e e n i n d B ' s (if the

room

hasn'l

been

opinion,

them

on some

D a Vinci's

already

if p e o p l e

put m o n e y

most

importantly

dates commit

ideas a n d

make

I m p e r i a l

the candi-

t o p o l i c i e s that

will have to f o l l o w t h r o u g h

C o l l e g e

they

if t h e y

are duly e l e c t e d . T h e m o s t likely s u b ject to c o m e u p are the University o f London

Union,

Merger,

t h e Beit Q u a d

subsidy

levels (especially

minibuses, mergers

t h e W y e -College

sports

(just

basements, training),

grounds,

in c a s e

sports

w e haven't

f l o g g e d that o n e t o d e a t h yet), student d e v e l o p m e n t , top u p fees, w e l fare c a m p a i g n s a n d Ihe f u l u r e style o f Felix. boring

A n d if t h a t a l l s o u n d s a b i t to y o u , it's g o i n g

lo be a

p o u n d a pint in the dB's H u s t i n g s .

've b e e n g i v e n a s p e c i a l

request

by a d r u n k e n s t u d e n t t o w r i t e o u t the s t a n d a r d line y o u s h o u l d give

to s o m e o n e w h o ref u s es v o u a student d i s c o u n t just b e c a u s e y o u don't have

an N U S card.

they're

vastly

s l o w l y a n d tell t h e m College

Chances are

ignorant,

Union

so speak

that

"Imperial

is n o t a n a f f i l i a t e d

member

of the National

Students

and therefore

Union of

its s t u d e n t s

a r e n o t e l i g i b l e f o r a n N U S c a r d s . " If this

doesn't

work

continue

with:

" I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e is a H i g h e r

Educa-

tion C o l l e g e a n d a m e m b e r

of the

University o f L o n d o n a n d th eref or e by definition I a m a student a n d entitled to your d i s c o u n t . "

If t h e y s t i l l r e f u s e

add "unless I a m entitled to your student discount y o u are falsely advertising a n d d e n y i n g

m e a n d other

students from such

Universities as

Edinburgh, U M I S T a n d G l a s g o w their legal rights."

H o p e f u l l y b y this t i m e

they'll have s e e n sense/given in/got bored, a n d y o u should receive t h e discount.

2""

n Sunday I spent m y day ded-

London

icated

to my Union

in t h e

Earl s C o u r t E x h i b i t i o n C e n t r e ,

trying to d i s c o v e r n e w p r o d u c t s that

w e m i g h t w a n t in o u r b a r s ( n o t h i n g t o

on Joseph

ÂŁ4

U n i o n

O p e r a t i c

I'll s e e y o u t h e r e .

S o c i e t y

have not

in the jukebox.

you can question o f their

privately

b o o k e d ) a n d we'll put the v o l u m e o n

read their m a n i f e s t o e s a n d f o r m e d some

students

w h o decided l o form a consor-

p r e s e n t s

"Valentines

anyone crayons fpascale,

'Let's stay immo together 'From now until forever. 'Your desert island dreamer

ICU

President

Patrickson

Dennis

'Dennis Patrickson - w h a t d o e s he w a n t

is t h e p e r s o n that t h e y c o u l d a n d s h o u l d

t o d o ? ' T h e c r e a t i o n o f a fifth s a b b a t i c a l

be c o m p l a i n i n g to w h e n , for e x a m p l e ,

post - Deputy President (Education &

their c o u r s e Is b e i n g t a u g h t i n a d e q u a t e l y . I'd

regular

your U n i o n , your C C U , your department,

dent's time, leadin g to a re-defining of

r e p o r t s / p a g e s / c o l u m n s in helix o n w h a t

y o u r c a m p u s , y o u r c l u b or s o c i e t y is u p

w h a t t h e P r e s i d e n t actually d o e s . I w o u l d

y o u r U n i o n , y o u r C C U o r y o u r c a m p u s is

to a n d b e c a u s e I w a n t y o u t o s a y w h a t ' s

look to have m o r e o f a f i g u r e h e a d / c o m -

u p t o . N o t just in Eclix, t h o u g h : o n a n

h a p p e n i n g in t h e s e a r e a s w h e n it's n o t

m u n i c a t i v e role, w i t h t h e e m p h a s i s firmly

i n f o r m a t i o n n o t i c e b o a r d in t h e U n i o n :

w o r k i n g b u t a l s o w h e n it's w o r k i n g w e l l .

on communication.

w o r k h a r d w i i h Ih break

ii n

u . l is In ,11 e T o

p e r ; i |)ti> >n thai t h ' \ >erw -

also

see

t h r o u g h internal mail; or as mini-

ij oitsonlhi

m i i<

.ii i

on l\ u n d e r u s e d text ser-

. m h v-

can comw H ( h will

m i c 011 i t e r s a n d l.)ep R e p s to h a v e

lead

higher proiil •

rid or p e o p l e t o b e bet-

informed, increased involvement a n d

to m or e

people

being

better

ter e d u c a t e d a b o u t their p u r p o s e . S o m e

also help to o v e r c o m e f e e l i n g s of isola-

s t u d e n t s d o n ' l have a clue w h o their

t i o n a n d e x c l u s i o n that s o m e m e m b e r s

D e p R e p o r A c a d e m i c O f f i c e r is a n d this

o l t h e IC c o m m u n i t y m a y b e e x p e r i e n c -

Newton

Natasha 300 w o r d s t o say " m o r e o f Ih e g o o d , less

( g i v e o r t a k e legality a n d o t h e r m i n o r

of t h e b a d " , still, if p e o p l e a r e w i l l i n g t o

matters). S i m p l e e x a m p l e , U n i o n p e o p l e

r e a d this, h e r e ' s w h a t I t h i n k o u r U n i o n ' s

s h o u l d c o n t i n u e h e l p i n g correct

priorities s h o u l d b e .

g e t s . A f t e r all w h i c h s t u d e n t s a r e h e l p e d

modems and PO

if a c l u b d o e s n ' t g e t its m o n e y .

seeing

bud-

K e e p it s i m p l e ! Like.... The hardware: A s a c c o m m o d a t i o n o f f i c e r , I a m , at t h e m o m e n t , a r r a n g i n g Vilson I l o u s e a n d I n t e r n a l IC l i n e s .

Ihe s a i m

; n in o t h e r outly-

i n g halls.

itself a n d t o t h e rest o f t h e s t u d e n t b o d y

T h e facilities a n d activities of t h e

T h e i n f o : Every w e e k a list o f t h e

s h o u l d start w i t h w h a t is b e i n g d o n e f o r

U n i o n a r c a v a i l a b l e l o all o f us a n d that

n ii ' o l i n g s t a k i n g p l a c e a n d s o m e c o n t a c t

us students, h o w w e will benefit.

needs to be c o m m u n i c a t e d .

;

lils n e e d s p o s t i n g o n all U n i o n n o t i c e

hoaids Nah,

. T h e o b j e c t i v e s for all activities, m e e t -

s " t , I a p p e a r to have

men-

thi :

tioned c o m m u n i c a t i o n , here w e

in l e l i x a n d Stoic text. I h e n if

s s o m e t h i n g lhal m a y affect y o u ,

u I ia\ e a c h a n c e l o talk to Ihe p e o p l e

ings, e t c . s h o u l d b e ,

s t a n d a r d u n r e a l p r o m i s e s yet, yc

1. s t u d e n t s

y e a r it barely g e l s b e l t e r . But for \

2. s t u d e n t s

w o r t h , h e r e a r e m y p r a c t i c a l idea.', in

11 ' i o i

o n ) r e m e m b e r , a v o l e for

3. s t u d e n t s

a d d i t i o n to t h e o b v i o u s e m a i l , l< Ii- a n d

. •'I

j! I !• ,I \ o l i • jor s l u d e i i t s ( e n

4. m o n e y , c o l l e g e ' s o p i n i o n . . . .

the U n i o n structure.

9:;<=>?@ABCDE?@:<@:F k

Let's let e a c h o t h e r k n o w w h a t ' s g o i n g on.

i h e jr.'k ii id U n i o n b u i l d i n g . I h e r e

are many w a y s m

next to n > p u i p i is. • I w a n t then A c a d e -

Every report t h e U n i o n m a k e s w i t h i n

'So - w h y s h o u l d w e v o t e f o r D e n nis?' B e c a u s e I w a n t y o u t o k n o w w h a t

W e l f a r e ) - w i l l f r e e u p a lot o f t h e Presi-

Ihe e x t r a l i m e w o u l d all<

Undergraduate Third Year Maths Department

l l l o l v e d a n d find out the o u t c o m e . So t h a n k s for r e a d i n g a n d (this is t h e

liisi.

Contact

Clinical Student Fourth Year School of Medicine

Pitt Principally, I w a n t to create a U n i o n w h e r e y o u h a v e a l a r g e s a y in i h e choices made.

I've b e e n t a l k i n g to a lot

of s t u d e n t s a r o u n d I m p e r i a l

regimes.

I will c a m p a i g n a g a i n s t t h e

|§§e o f IC a c a d e m i c a c h i e v e m e n t s t o d e u l o p arms a n d f u n d dictators.

t i n u e to c a m p a i g n f o r it.

I have not m e t a n y o n e with g o o d

i s s u e s that I will a d d r e s s il'elet l e d

things to say a b o u t their service I r o m the

position o f President.

!w. i s : ;

R e s e a r c h at IC f u n d e d a n d dn

io.

I w i l l d e v o t e as m u c h

' as n e c e s s a r y to i m p r o v i n g t h e w a i t -

i n g l i m e s a n d level o f c a r e e x p e r i e n c e d .

by Shell a n d B A e is p a i d for w i t h t h e prof-

I will e n d e a v o u r t o represent your v i e w s a n d w i s h e s if e l e c t e d t o t h e p o s i tion o f President.

I wish to make the

U n i o n as a p p r o a c h a b l e a s p o s s i b l e a n d to m a k e all o f its a c t i o n s a c c o u n t a b l e to

its m a d e b y s e l l i n g a r m s a n d e q u i p m e n t

I h a v e b e e n i n v o l v e d h e a v i l y in t h e

The people of

c a m p a i g n against tuition fees a n d have

p o l i t i c a l d i s c u s s i o n a n d activity.

t h e s e c o u n t r i e s h a v e n o s a y in w h a t

b e e n a m e m b e r o f ICU Socialist W o r k e r

r u n t h e U n i o n e f f i c i e n t l y , b u t w a n t to

to oppressive regimes.

Undergraduate Second Year Aeronautics Department

e d u c a t i o n f o r all s o that all p e o p l e h a v e a c c e s s t o h i g h e r e d u c a t i o n , a n d will c o n -

eai d

a n u m b e r of issues have c o n n

I w a n t t h e g o v e r n m e n t t o provide free

r e s e a r c h is d o n e or h o w their o w n lives

Student Society for t w o years.

are run.

that t h e e x t r a £1000 c h a r g e without

vision for extra personal I c o n d e m n t h e i n v e s t m e n t in c o m panies

that

collude with

oppressive

funding

I believe

pro-

induces

real h a r d s h i p f o r s t u d e n t s a n d d i s c o u r a g e s p e o p l e f r o m a p p l y i n g t o university.

you.

A b o v e all, I w a n t to e n c o u r a g e I will

b r o a d e n its c o n c e r n s b e y o n d t h e b o u n d a r i e s o f its day-to-day r u n n i n g .

ICU

President

Swiff

Andy Living a n d s t u d y i n g i n L o n d o n is b e c o m -

d e n t o f ICLJ A F C , a n d m o s t i m p o r t a n t l y

s m a r t , t h e l e a n , the Swift", s o v o t e A n d y

i n g i n c r e a s i n g l y difficult. It is i m p o r t a n t ,

part o f t h e i n a u g u r a l t e a m for t h e IC

in t h e P r e s i d e n t i a l F l e c t i o n .

as P r e s i d e n t , t o c o n c e n t r a t e o n t h e d a y

S u m m e r Ball. It is this v a r i e d b a c k g r o u n d

to d a y issues that really affect s t u d e n t life,

that s e t s m e a p a r t a s t h e b e s t c a n d i d a t e

as w e l l a s l o o k i n g i n t o h o w t h e U n i o n

for t h e p o s i t i o n .

c a n d e v e l o p i n t o t h e f u t u r e . O v e r t h e last A s P r e s i d e n t , I w i l l m a k e il m y k e y

f e w y e a r s Imperial C o l l e g e a n d its U n i o n have u n d e r g o n e m a n y c h a n g e s . This

o b j e c t i v e l o e n s u r e that I C U p r o v i d e s

t r e n d is set t o c o n t i n u e . T h e m e r g e r w i t h

y o u w i t h t h e services y o u w a n t . A d i v i d e d

W y e C o l l e g e , t h e r e d e v e l o p m e n t o f Beit

U n i o n benefits nobody. A united U n i o n ,

Q u a d a n d the possible disaffiliation with

which works together, can bring about

U L U w i l l b e a m o n g s t t h e k e y i s s u e s that

c h a n g e a n d g e t results. I w a n t a U n i o n

will d o m i n a t e m y role a s President.

where where

O v e r m y t i m e h e r e at I m p e r i a l I h a v e b e e n involved in a m u l t i t u d e o f varied

that

make a difference, a Union opinions count a n d a Union c a n progress into t h e

Cen-

Undergraduate Fourth Year ISE Department

tury.

s t u d e n t activities, i n c l u d i n g a DJ at I C U , "Evolution favours the strong, the

to a t e a m c a p t a i n a n d n o w C l u b P r e s i -

Shanaka The key to b e i n g a successful president d e p e n d s o n trust, h a r d w o r k , p o l i c i e s

editor, I a m a m e m b e r o f the U n i o n

calls t h r o u g h t h e U n i o n .

f i n a n c e c o m m i t t e e , m e m b e r o f t h e ser-

a n d two-way c o m m u n i c a t i o n . I a m not

• S u p p o r t for a 3 r d t e r m m e d i c a l s a b -

v i c e s c o m m i t t e e a n d I w o r k ( a n d play) i n the Union.

h a p p y to b e a l o w profile president;

batical.

s o m e o n e y o u n e v e r really s e e , a l o o f a n d

• P u s h for r e l a x a t i o n o f h y b r i d e n t r y at

d e t a c h e d f r o m t h e real life at IC. I will

B U S A for m e d i c a l t e a m s .

g e t fully i n v o l v e d a n d g i v e y o u m y s u p port .

Y o u can't a f f o r d l o g o for Ihe w i l d c a r d . I a m r e l i a b l e , r e a d y to listen a n d r e a d y to act. I p r o m i s e y o u that I will g i v e

. CCU'S • E n c o u r a g e m o r e activity to e n h a n c e

every

CC1J i d e n t i t y

m o m e n l of m y lime to ensure y o u have

ounce

o f m y strength,

t h e best u n i o n i n t h e c o u n t r y . All I n e e d

If y o u v o t e f o r m e , y o u v o t e f o r ; Ever s i n c e c o m i n g t o IC, I h a v e b e e n

h e \ily i n v o l v e d in t h e U n i o n . I k n o w

• G e t d i s c o u n t s w i t h y o u r ICU c a r d s

• P r i m e o b j e c t i v e : t o g e t s t u d e n t d i s - j f r o w it w o r k s . I a m a n e x c e l l e n t c o m f m u n i c a t o r a n d will b e a b l e t o s p e a k o n

c o u n t i n c i n e m a s ( N o t just N U S ) J

is y o u r v o l e . Vote 1 - Vote Shanaka If y o u h a v e a n y i s s u e s y o u a r e c o n cerned with please contact m e : m

• I n c l u d e all t h e c a m p u s e s f o r t h e s e dis- j y o u r b e h a l f This y e a r t h e r e a r e s e v e n

Undergraduate Second Year Materials Department

every

p e o p l e standing for t h e t o p j o b ! M o r e

counts.

l h a n a n y o t h e r y e a r y o u r vote; c o u n t s .

. • Organise cheaper international p h o n e

I h a v e b e e n STOIC chair, a m I'hoenix

n Polounovsky« departmental

I c o m e to these elections unsullied by

representatives,

who

t h e b u r e a u c r a t i c c a n k e r o f U n i o n politics.

M e a n w h i l e , Imperial College: h a s

w o u l d work h a n d in hand with the U n i o n

It m i g h t b e t r u e that I k n o w l e s s a b o u t

g a i n e d a r e p u t a t i o n for its q u a l i t y , s u c h

to give y o u a greater say in t h e content

h o w t h e u n i o n is r u n t h a n m a y b e s o m e

that w e arc: s e e n t o rival a n d e v e n s u r -

o f yo u r c o u r s e s . I his is particularly i m p o r -

other candidate s but this a l l o w s m e t o

p a s s O x f o r d a n d C a m b r i d g e . It t h e r e -

tant w i t h I h e arrival o f the: t u i t i o n f e e s

s e e t h e U n i o n n o t as it is b u t h o w it

fore galls m e to s e e h o w short-changed

( w h i c h I a m bitterly o p p o s e d to), a s y o u

should be.

w e a r e . A C a m b r i d g e d e g r e e is c o n s i d -

a n d therefore your financial investment

T h e u n i o n is like a n o l d f r i e n d t o m e .

e r e d in t h e s a m e light as o n e f r o m I m p e -

s h o u l d b e g i v e n t h e best c o n d i t i o n s i n

rial, y e t theirs is a r e p u t a t i o n hunt

w h i c h to f l o u r i s h .

I h a v e b e e n t r a m p l e d i n t o its f o o t b a l l

seven m o r e w e e k s of holiday than us.

p i t c h , d i s m e m b e r e d in its k u n g - f u class,

This is h a r d l y fair. W h a t is m o r e m y short

hunted d o w n

b y its a r c h e r y c l u b a n d

vacations are squandered, a n d valuable

v o l e for m e make sure y o u

c h a s e d o f f its s t a g e s . It h a s f e d , w a t e r e d

revision time wasted for w a n t of g o o d

Please don't b e (a)pathetic.

and entertained m e , but recently I have

l e c t u r e n o t e s a n d t h e a b s e n c e o f freely

b e c o m e disenchanted as m y old friend

available m o d e l examination solutions.

has b e c o m e e n g u l f e d i n a m i r e o f red-

W h i c h is just like b e i n g g i v e n a l o c k but

t a p e (if y o u d o u b t m e j u s t l o o k at t h e

n o k e y . T o i m p r o v e this s i t u a t i o n , I p r o -

rules c o n c e r n i n g e l e c t i o n c a m p a i g n s ) .

pose a n e w a n d improved system of

A s a final w o r d : e v e n if y o u d o n ' t vole.

Undergraduate Third Year Chem Eng Department

& Services)

Walker

W e l l h e l l o , I'm B o b W a l k e r a n d I'm stand-

levels, ie t h e E x e c u t i v e C o m m i t t e e . A n d

3. S t a n d u p t o c o l l e g e if t h e y try t o put

i n g f o r a D e p u t y P r e s i d e n t ( F i n a n c e & Ser-

at t h e s a m e t i m e b e i n g i n v o l v e d w i t h

us t h e s t u d e n t s d o w n

v i c e s ) a n d this is m y m a n i f e s t o . I'm a

finances for several clubs I have h a d t h e

Third y e a r Physics S t u d e n t w h o h a s d o n e

e x p e r i e n c e at a l o w e r l e v e l . This m e a n s

runs smoothly.

s o m a n y t h i n g s f o r t h e u n i o n s o far. In

I a m aware of the nooks a n d crannies o f

5. S e e h o w w e c a n i m p r o v e t h e s e r v i c e s

m y first y e a r I w a s c o m p l e t e l y a p a t h e t i c

t h e s y s t e m . 1 his m e a n s I c a n t u r n D o g - r u n by t h e u n i o n f o r y o u .

a n d d i d v e r y little. In m y s e c o n d year,

c a t c h e r a n d k n o w t h e tricks o f t h e t r a d e .

h o w e v e r , I b e c a m e involved by b e c o m -

I a l s o f e e l that g i v e n m y e x t e n s i v e u s e o f

i n g t h e D u p l i c a t i n g O f f i c e r (I w a s in

the

c h a r g e o l ki p r n d i i<

U>\ Ihe liC Si

inton's S e r v i c e s t h e Bars, C a t e r i n g

a t i o n to pi il ,i( i' i s s il i'

President (Clubs & Entertainment) a n d

\ t 'W o l iti! s i : s e r v i c e s .

W h y d e I thinl I shi iuld h a v e t h e job? ' \ i! n s i d e n l o f t h e R C S U f o r a v\hi' h

vvhili ih

i get elected lo I ii p u l i P r e s i d d t H

I was

• .'o-i

-ant I g o t to s e e a lot o f

f o f t h e u n i o n at t h e h i g h e s t

So to s u m m a r i s e I w a n t t o d o t h e best for t h e u n i o n !

i n d e n t s point o l

T r e a s u r e r f< r s e v e r a l clui is fhat's h o w I

Undergraduate Third Year Physics Department

Redevelopment

arid i h e s h o p put' m e in a u n i q u e situ-

So, in m y Ih-

got

. M a k e s u r e t h e Beit

1. M a k e m o i i

v • \ Services):

\n np|. j u u t e o | h o w to

do things.

Union's Finances

Ian You m a y ask w h y y o u s h o u l d vote for

member

Ian

Clifford.

the

Firstly, I h a v e e x p e r i e n c e o f t h e

ety.

of several

clubs including

Mountaineering

Connection

Club,

and the Catholic

I work

in t h e U n i o n

Soci-

Resource

Union finance system. As treasurer

Centre,

of t h e City & G u i l d s C o l l e g e U n i o n I

u n i o n staff - I will be as a p p r o a c h -

work with clubs & societies, assisting

a b l e a s a s a b b a t i c a l like I a m as a

them

with

budgets,

unravelling red tape. the

dreaded

the

finances

I have

Union

rounds and w o n .

whole.

claims

faced

budgeting

I have

of the

and

helping both students and

member and

o f staff.

interest

Personal

is i m p o r t a n t

contact in e s t a b -

lishing a g o o d working relationship.

prepared

C&GU

I know h o w the Union

Next year I a i m to:

runs

from a club finance side as well as

• Increase c o m m u n i c a t i o n s & train-

the services side.

ing with

treasurers

• Open

u p t h e u n i o n to m o r e

Secondly, I have been a student at

Imperial

for five

Paul

standardise subsidies

Pimlico

years

and a

Undergraduate Fourth Year Electrical Eng Department

stu-

dents •

Reform

funding,

payments

and

Hickman I a m c u r r e n t l y in m y f o u r t h y e a r at I m p e -

v i c e s w e all e x p e c t o f it, w h i l e e x p a n d i n g

e x t e n d i n g it.

rial, a n d in m y t i m e h e r e m y i n v o l v e -

to p r o v i d e n e w a n d i m p r o v e d s e r v i c e s

• E n s u r e that t h e p o l i c y o n s u b s i d y lev-

ment

I expect to e n c o u n t e r s o m e m i n o r prob-

els is a p p l i e d fairly t o all c l u b s a n d s o c i -

e x t e n s i v e u s e o f t h e b a r facilities to m y

l e m s w i t h Ihe c o n t i n u e d m e r g e r o f t h e

eties.

c u r r e n t i n v o l v e m e n t w h i c h i n c l u d e s sit-

M e d i c a l s c h o o l , h o w e v e r I believ e I will

in t h e U n i o n

has grown

from

ting o n the U n i o n House Committee. I

b e a b l e t o d e a l w i t h t h e s e , in c o n j u n c t i o n

Overall I feel I a m capable of doing

a m a l s o a n active c o m m i t t e e m e m b e r o f

with t h e other sabbaticals, based o n the

t h e j o b w e l l , a n d I w o u l d a l s o like t o d o

t h e D r a m a t i c Society, w h i c h h a s g i v e n

p r i n c i p l e that all c l u b s s h o u l d b e t r e a t e d

t h e j o b . I b e l i e v e m y e x p e r i e n c e s will

m c t h e c h a n c e t o w o r k closely w i t h m a n y

equally.

a l l o w m c t o p i c k u p t h e day-to-day tasks

clubs

a n d societies

throughout

the

r a p i d l y a n d t h e n g e t o n w i t h real w o r k

U n i o n . I h a v e particularl y e n j o y e d w o r k i n g as part o f t h e t e a m f o r U n i o n C a r n i -

• P r o v i d e t r a i n i n g f o r all c l u b s o f f i c e r s t o

vals

e n s u r e f i n a n c e s are r u n p r o p e r l y at all lev-

and

the

Summer

Ball.

These

activities, a l o n g w i t h k e e p i n g m y e a r t o the

Undergraduate Fourth Year Chemistry Department

Next year I intend t o :

ground, have given m c a g o o d

k n o w l e d g e o f t h e w a y t h e U n i o n is r u n . I believe the Union's trading outlets are vital f o r it t o c o n t i n u e t o p r o v i d e t h e ser-

els. •Improve U n i o n services by e n s u r i n g t h e results o f t h e c u r r e n t f o c u s g r o u p s a r e i m p l e m e n t e d , w h e r e p o s s i b l e . If this project is s u c c e s s f u l t h e n I w i l l l o o k i n t o

t h a t n e e d s t o b e d o n e t o g i v e us all t h e Union w e want.

Tim o t h e r c l u b s a n d s o c i e t i e s . It is t h e s e qual-

Next year will b e o n e o f t h e m o s t ch al -

b e e n w e l l p l a c e d o v e r this past y e a r t o

l e n g i n g y e a r s f a c e d b y t h e D P (C&S). A i l

observe w h a t y o u want from your clubs

ities a l o n g w i t h a p a s s i o n a t e d e s i r e to d o

clubs

a n d s o c i e t i e s . I b e l i e v e that it is e s s e n t i a l

t h i s j o b , a n d d o it w e l l , that w o u l d m a k e

a n d societies

are facing

upheaval o f o n e kind or an oth er . M a n y

that n e x t y e a r s D P (C&S) is s o m e o n e

m e a n excellent c a n d i d a t e for the j o b -

o f t h e s o c i e t i e s b a s e d in S o u t h

with a great deal of k n o w l e d g e

s o v o t e f o r m e f o r D P (C&S)!

Kens-

ington will b e a c q u i r i n g n e w facilities

con-

c e r n i n g t h e m e r g e r a n d t h e p o s i t i o n that

courtesy of t h e U n i o n s e x p a n s i o n into

m o s t s p o r t i n g c l u b s at I m p e r i a l will f a c e

w h a t w a s until recently

the Biology

o v e r t h e next 18 m o n t h s . A n y b o d y tak-

department, but probably the biggest

i n g o v e r a s D P (C&S) w h o d o e s n ' t h a v e

c l o u d still h a n g i n g o v e r t h e h e a d o f n e x t

a firm b a c k g r o u n d w i t h i n a s p o r t i n g c l u b

years D P (C&S) w i l l b e t h e I C S M m e r g e r

w o u l d n o t h a w l l i i ' a h i l i l , l o tc |)li ,< ;:i

issue. W h a t w i t h t h e I C S M R F C

y o u a n d y o u r U n i o n a p p r o p r i a t e l y to

having

shown themselves to b e a force to b e

organisations s u c h as B U S A a n d U L U .

r e c k o n e d w i t h it is n o w a s i m p e r a t i v e a s ever that t h e u n i q u e identity o f I C S M a n d

I b e l i e v e that I ha\< g o t t h e n e c e s -

ICU t e a m s is p r e s e r v e d . A s a m e m b e r o f

sary g r o u n d i n g w i t h i n t h e s p o r t i n g fra-

the ICU H o c k e y C l u b Exec a n d a s a re-app

ternity to r e p n -sent t h e m w e l l a l o n g w i t h

(in a hall c o n t a i n i n g m a n y m e d i c s ) I h a v e

the iii-sin

to listen to a n d s u p p o r l the:

Duncan by p r o a c t i v e r e p r e s e n t a t i o n - t a i l o r i n g

I've b e e n I n v o l v e d In ICU f o r f o u r years,

vilal release: f r o m s l u d y , a c h a n c e l o play

mainly through Dramsoc, with w h o m I

their sport, to d e v e l o p their interests a n d

p o l i c y t o try a n d m e e t e v e r y b o d y ' s n e e d s

spent a year as Director of Acting, a n d

generally have a spanking g o o d time, t h e

an d creating active relationships with

t h e E n v i r o n m e n t a l Society w h i c h I h e l p e d

U n i o n m u s t b e fair a n d s u p p o r t i v e . T h e

clubs a n d the committees w h o manage

to s e t u p in 1996.1 h a v e g o o d o r g a n i s a -

development

of a n e w relationship

them. Through good communication I

t i o n a l skills, c o m b i n e d w i t h a n u n d e r -

between the medical schools a n d the

c a n fight f o r w h a t t h e m a j o r i t y o f u n i o n

standing of the workings of the Union

rest o f IC is in full s w i n g b u l t h e r e a r e

m e m b e r s want. Give m c your vote a n d

a n d a s t r o n g c o m m i t m e n t t o its i d e o l o g y ,

b o u n d to b e m o r e issues to address.

I'll g i v e y o u a 1 1 0 % c o m m i t m e n t t o r e p -

g i v i n g m e t h e tools I n e e d for t h e j o b . I'm

C o n c e r n s r e c e n t l y v o i c e d b y Kash A k h t a r

r e s e n t i n g y o u r interests.

s o c i a b l e , a p p r o a c h a b l e a n d w i l l i n g t o try

r e g a r d i n g f u n d i n g for transport a r e a

( a l m o s t ) a n y t h i n g o n c e , but m o s t i m p o r -

g o o d e x a m p l e , a n d w e m u s t realis e that

tantly I o f f e r a safe pair o f h a n d s in w h i c h

w e ' r e n o w a t e a m a n d n e e d to w o r k

to entrust C&S policy (David S e a m a n

togelher to overcome such problems. A

unfortunately b e i n g unavailable).

s t r o n g f o u n d a t i o n for h e a l t h a n d s a f e t y p o l i c y h a s b e e n built o v e r t h e last f e w

Undergraduate Third Year Geology Department

Clubs a n d Societies are the f o u n d a -

years a n d I intend l o c o n t i n u e building

t i o n o f t h e U n i o n b u t if t h e y arc: t o c o n -

a s y s t e m that p r o v i d e s p e a c e o f m i n d f o r

t i n u e p r o v i d i n g their m e m b e r s w i t h that

all c o n c e r n e d . I a i m t o s u p p o r t s o c i e t i e s

Hustings H u s t i n g s t a k e p l a c e t o d a y ( M o n d a y ) in

m a l l y r e q u i r e d l o c o n s u m i â&#x20AC;˘ enic

d e p a f t r l e n t s , in t h e U n i o n f o y e r a n d at

dates,

d B s , t o m o r r o w i n t h e R e y n o l d ' s B a r at

h i g h s p e e d , e s p e c i a l l y at t h e :

the; m e d i c a l c a m p u s e s ) . I C U e l e c t i o n s

Should N e w Election win, the electoral

C h a r i n g Cross a n d o n W e d n e s d a y in

M a r y ' s hustings. At t h e South K e r

u s e a s i n g l e t r a n s f e r a b l e v o t e system,-

p r o c e s s starts all o v e r a g a i n .

G l a d y s St M a r y ' s . M o n d a y a n d T u e s -

ington hustings beer will be available

place a T

d a y ' s h u s t i n g s start at

for a p o u n d a p i n t .

y o u r c h o i c e , a ' 2 ' next to y o u r s e c o n d

and Tuesday

c h o i c e , a n d s o o n . Y o u fill i n a s e p a r a l e

between 10am and 5 p m .

d a y ' s at

Wednes-

Hustings are your chance

to ask the candidates a b o u t t h e issues

br c i

To vote y o u will n e e d your

next l o t h e c a n d i d a t e of

c a r d - if y o u h a v e y e t t o g e t a U n i o n

v o t i n g slip for e a c h

sabbatical

posi-

that c o n c e r n y o u . Each c a n d i d a t e a n d

card, take your registration certificate

t i o n y o u w a n t to v o t e for. N e w E l e c t i o n

their p r o p o s e r will give a short s p e e c h ,

and a passport photo to the U n i o n

(sometimes called Ron, which stands

after w h i c h

q u e s t i o n s will b e t a k e n

office d u r i n g t h e da yt i m e . G o to a bal-

f o r r e o p e n n o m i n a t i o n s ) is c o n s i d e r e d

from the floor. T h e candidates are nor-

lot b o x ( t h e r e w i l l b e o n e i n m o s t

a c a n d i d a t e just like t h e ' r e a l ' c a n d i -

Stuart

but stands

f o r all p o s i t i o n s .

V o t i n g takes place next

Monday

( 2 2 a n d 23 F e b r u a r y )

Butcher

sabbatical

intend to work o n the welfare commit-

a n d it t h e j o b is t a i l o r e d t o t h e n e e d s o f

responsible for education a n d welfare. I

t e e ' s j o b d e s c r i p t i o n . Ihis w i l l b e in c o n -

the students. I w o u l d undertake a regu-

f e e l c o n f i d e n t in t a k i n g o n a n u n d e f i n e d

s u l t a t i o n w i t h all t h e r e l e v a n t U n i o n a n d

lar s e c t i o n in Felix a n d t h e C C U p a p e r s .

role a n d creating a j o b description -

College committees (Accommodation,

A w a r e n e s s events (about t w o per term)

e n c o m p a s s i n g all a s p e c t s o f e d u c a t i o n

w e l f a r e , A c a d e m i c Affairs, S t u d e n t D e v e l -

w ill c o i n c i d e w i t h s t u d e n t s e x p e r i e n c e s

and welfare.

o p m e n t etc.) t h e c u r r e n t s a b b s a n d var-

(eg a c c o m m o d a t i o n w e e k w h e n

Finally ICU h a s c r e a t e d

d e n t s a r e t h i n k i n g a b o u t h o u s i n g , a sex-

t h e u n i o n chait o f Imperial Q u e e r s a n d

S e c o n d l y I i n t e n d t o a s k as m a n y o f

A I D S D a y , a stress b u s t e r t o c o i n c i d e (as

S C C treasurer this year. Pi l o r e I m p e r i a l

i h e i &VV s a b b s a c r o s s t h e c o u n t r y a b o u t

c l o s e as p o s s i b l e ) w i t h e x a m s a n d a m e n -

I w a s i n v o l v c o w i t h < tubs of C h i o r n a n d

tbi i roii:, theineot

tal h e a l t h w e e k . I h o p e t o c o n v i n c e C C U

Abervsi'

g r a d u a t e s t u d e n t I've b e e n i n v o l v e d in

Ihis i \perii o n

college

officers

(including

<i<

w o i ild

'insand hopes.The

o i m p l c t e d b e f o r e t h e o f f i c e r s a n d t h e d e p r e p s t o e n s u r e that s t u d e n t r e p r e s e n t a t i o n is fair a n d a d e -

has

g i v e n rise I e e a r y m o t i v a t i o n , list o n i n g si ill p e o p l e skills, a p p r o a c h a b i l this b a s e , I will ily a n d I ii ie as p o s s i b l e . D P ( E & W I enl lequired lor DP (F&W). m a n y p e o p l e a s pi I have three

ual health w e e k to c o i n c i d e with World

Pro-Rector for E d u c a t i o n a l Q u a l i t y ) .

â&#x20AC;˘ h en d wa , a w.lunU i r lor

O x f o r d N i t itiitte

Postgraduate Second Year Biochemistry Department

stu-

the

ious

Since c o m i n g t o Imperial as a post-

aware of the educatic

m a i n a i m s . Firstly I

m with

q u a t e a c r o s s all d e p a r t m e n t s .

itudents best if a s e

made

fare brief

Felix David

Roberts

Felix is t h e p r i m a r y s o u r c e o f i n f o r m a t i o n

every club to write reviews of events or

n e w s p a p e r . I'll a l s o h a v e w e e k l v

for s t u d e n t s at I m p e r i a l , s o it's vital that

preview

i n g s at St M a r y ' s a n d C h a r i n g C r o s s , to

u p c o m i n g activity.

Similarly,

meet-

it p r e s e n t s e n o u g h m a t e r i a l f o r s t u d e n t s

sports c o v e r a g e n e e d s to b e i m p r o v e d ,

ensure as w i d e a range of contributors

to reach their o w n o p i n i o n s o n k e y i s s u e s

with a d e d i c a t e d t e a m of reporters a n d

as p o s s i b l e .

- whilst t h e r e p o r t i n g itself r e m a i n s u n b i -

p h o t o g r a p h e r s t o c o v e r m a t c h e s at Har-

I b e l i e v e that t h e s e ( h a n g e s a r e nec-

a s e d . T o this e n d , I'll i n t r o d u c e r e g u l a r In-

l i n g t o n , C o b h a m a n d T e d d i n g t o n . Finally,

e s s , n \ to e n s u r e that i e l i x m a i n t a i n s its

depth features o n t h e major

b o t h ICU a n d t h e C o n s t i t u e n t C o l l e g e

student

r o l e as the; n e w s p a p e r for t h e s t u d e n t s / the students, a n d having

been

issues - like U L U , f e e s a n d C o l l e g e e x p a n -

U n i o n s s h o u l d b e given space to report

s i o n - s o that e v e r y o n e h a s a c h a n c e t o

o n their activities a n d justify thei

i n v o l v e d for I h e best part o f t h r e e y e a r s

- thus m a k i n g our representatives m o i

- as a writer, r e v i e w e r , A d v e r t i s i n g M a n -

accountable.

a g e r , I ilm Editor, a n d n o w A s s i s t a n t Edi-

understand

what's

really

going on.

Proper d i s s e m i n a t i o n o f I n f o r m a t i o n a l s o m e a n s p r o p e r d i s t r i b u t i o n , s o I'll e n s u r e that Felix hits e v e r y c a m p u s o n t h e s a m e day, a n d a p p e a r s o n t h e w e b e v e r y week.

Felix is a c l u b , a n d like a n y o t h e r a l Imperial IS IS

m u s t b e o p e n l o all \s

tor - I h a , i

the ability l o put t h e s e

. 1' e... inii â&#x20AC;˘ pi i.' Ii; e.

wi 0 w.lhili |\ I

Freshers W e e k ) there n e e d '

â&#x20AC;˘ be more

Clubs a n d societies should have t h e

f r e e d o m for p e o p l e t o w r i t e o c c a s i o n a l

o p p o r t u n i t y t o tell e v e r y o n e w h a t t h e y

articles, f e a t u r e s o r s h o r t s t o r i e s , rather

d o . C o n s e q u e n t l y , I'll p r o v i d e s p a c e f o r

t h a n h a v i n g t o d e d i c a t e their lives t o t h e

Standing

Undergraduate Third Year Physics Department

For

New Election Ok. N o w N e w Election, or R e - o p e l | Nominations

(RON)

allows

y o u to

e H u s t i n g s if p o s s i b l e a n d c o m p a r e pe opl e . Otherwise read the manifestos

express y o u r dissatisfaction with t h e can-

a n d s p e a k t o p e o p l e . A b o v e all m a k e a n

d i d a t e s p r e s e n t e d t o y o u . S o if y o u d o n ' t

informed decision.

like t h e c u r r e n t c a n d i d a t e s w e c a n s e e

with those well-attended 2nd round o f elections. O f c o u r s e t h i s n e x t y e a r is v e r y important for b o t h t h e U n i o n a n d the

has always b e e n a popular

w o r l d . M a y b e it c o u l d b e that R O N is t h e

c h o i c e with t h e students o f Imperial, t h e

p e r f e c t c a n d i d a t e t o l e a d us all i n t o t h e

N o w . . . this is n o t a d e c i s i o n t o b e

r e a s o n s w h y a r e o b v i o u s . This c a n d i d a t e

n e w m i l l e n n i u m ?!?

t a k e n lightly. Wil l a n y better c a n d i d a t e s

is n o t s t a n d i n g o n a n y p l a t f o r m a n d h a s

s t a n d? A v e r y i m p o r t a n t q u e s t i o n t o a s k

n o h i d d e n a g e n d a s t o fulfil. In fact R O N

if m o r e w i l l s t a n d .

RON

a n d o n e y o u will also have to a n s w e r

is t h e o n l y c a n d i d a t e y o u c a n fully trust.

y o u r self. I s u g g e s t y o u c o m e a l o n g t o

A l s o it k e e p s t h e m a s s e s

entertained

IF Y O U D O N ' T A S K YOU DON'T GET... iCU SABBATICAL ELECTIONS

HUSTINGS y y y

VOTING y y S

... G E T W H A T IS B E S T FOR YOUR UNIO

Reviews

s g :

ate

Winslet's

Titanic

first

ought

movie

to be a

after

a n e n t i r e l y p r e d i c t a b l e w a y , b u t , in a nut-

massive

s h e l l , t h a t ' s t h e e n t i r e plot.

blockbuster, for w h i c h she'll pock-

I n d e e d , s o u n e v e n t f u l is t h e m o v i e

et s ev era l m i l l i o n , right? W r o n g - it's a

that t h e o n l y q u e s t i o n it raises is w h y

l o w b u d g e t Brit Flick, w h i c h a i m s t o a p e

W i n s l e t c h o s e t o m a k e it at all. (True, s h e

the success o f Saharan set romances

met her h u s b a n d James Threapleton o n

like The English

Kinky

set, b u t s h e w a s h a r d l y t o k n o w that

contains e l e m e n t s o f a t h o u s a n d differ-

w h e n s h e s i g n e d t h e c o n t r a c t ) . If It's a n

ent British m o v i e s , all t i e d t o g e t h e r in a

a t t e m p t t o a v o i d t y p e c a s t i n g , t h e n it's a

Patient.

Hideous

seventies-set, retro-styled p a c k a g e .

d a m n g o o d o n e - b u t it's a l s o a pretty fast

Yet d e s p i t e t h e o b v i o u s l y p r o m i s i n g p r e m i s e , it's p a i n f u l t o w a t c h .

route to b e i n g entirely forgotten by Hol-

Never

l y w o o d . I n d e e d , f a n s o f Winslet, q u e e n -

before has a 96 m i n u t e m o v i e m a n a g e d

o f - c o s t u m e - d r a m a (Titanic, Hamlet,

to f e e l s o l o n g - w e ' r e t a l k i n g Dances

Sense

Wolves

With

Jude,

will hardly r e c o g n i s e

the w e a t h e r e d , t a n n e d actress they s e e

levels o f n u m b i n g t e d i u m . T h e

c i n e m a t o g r a p h y is u n d e n i a b l y g o o d , b u t whilst t h e first f e w p a n o r a m i c

& Sensibility)

on screen.

sweeps

N o n e t h e l e s s , s h e ( a n d i n d e e d all o f

across t h e M o r o c c a n w a s t e l a n d s p r o d u c e

t h e o t h e r stars) still t u r n in d e c e n t , c o m -

a sense o f a w e , t h e seventieth identical

p e t e n t p e r f o r m a n c e s . Yet n o n e o f t h e m

shot s i m p l y s e r v e s t o m a k e y o u a w a r e o f

d o a n y t h i n g m o r e ; t h e basic p r o b l e m

h o w static t h e m o v i e a c t u a l l y is.

w i t h Hideous

T h e real p r o b l e m , h o w e v e r , is t h e s i m p l e lack o f plot. A s t h e m o v i e o p e n s , Winslet is s t r u g g l i n g t o . m a k e e n d s m e e t

Kinky

is that it c o n t a i n s

n o t h i n g that b r i n g s t h e s c r e e n t o light.

Kate

H a v i n g s e c u r e d a star a n d a n i c e location, t w o children, played by Riza a n d M u l l a n

terious T a g h m a o u l - playing a charismatic

t h e p r o d u c t i o n c r e w s e e m t o h a v e shut-

in M a r r a k e s h , h a v i n g left h e r upper-class

- w h o s e favourite w o r d s are ( a c c o r d i n g t o

l o c a l w o r k e r c a l l e d Bilal ... a n d t h a t ' s

u p s h o p a n d d e c i d e d that a n y m o r e w o r k

English o r i g i n s b e h i n d h e r w h e n h e r h u s -

t h e p r e s s n o t e s ) ' h i d e o u s ' a n d 'kinky'.

a b o u t it. T h e y travel b a c k a n d forth a c r o s s

w o u l d b e s u p e r f l u o u s . A n d sadly , t h e

b a n d d e s e r t e d h e r . S o , s h e s c r a p e s a liv-

However, despite a n outward pretence of

Indistinguishable plots o f desert

i n g by s e l l i n g d o l l s in t h e m a r k e t , w h i l s t

happiness, none o f them are happy -

y o u l o s e all interest in w h e r e t h e y a c t u -

simultaneously attempting t o bring u p her

until h e l p arrives in t h e f o r m o f t h e m y s -

ally are), l o s i n g a n d f i n d i n g e a c h o t h e r in

(until

box-office receipts will probably bear out that d e c i s i o n ,

Dave

A g :

ovies

based

Saturday

t h a t it s i m p l y i s n ' t f u n n y . O n l y

N i g h t Live s k e t c h e s t e n d t o

be somewhat

We've

hit a n d miss.

World, Blues (Coneheads,

Brothers)

the stifled guffaws

a n d the dismal

It's Pat). M a n y

stars t h e m s e l v e s

a u d i e n c e l a u g h (if y o u d o n ' t i n c l u d e

(Wayne's

h a d t h e brilliant

have

of the

gone

once

during the entire film didthe preview

on to

e v e r y t i m e Had-

daway

started t o play) - a n d that w a s

when

it b e c a m e

apparent

that t h e

entire final s c e n e h a d b e e n lifted f r o m

become members of the Hollywood

Jerry

elite ( D a n A c k r o y d , Billy C r y s t a l , M i k e

be that t h e h u m o u r d o e s n ' t translate;

Myers

Roxbury

e t c ) . S o i s A Night in t h e s a m e l e a g u e ?

Maguire.

at the

or m a y b e

Er, n o .

anyone

Definitely, absolutely, positively not.

Night

The problem may well

w e suffer because

hardly

Saturday

in t h e U K watches

Live

(just i m a g i n e a U S a u d i -

ence going tosee a movie version o f

L e t ' s l o o k a t t h e e v i d e n c e . Firstly, it's b a s e d a r o u n d t h e A m e r i c a n c l u b

a Harry Enfield sketch). M o r e

scene.

h o w e v e r , is that it's d u e t o t h e c o m -

N o w , If t h i s m o v i e

has any

likely,

s e n s e o f a c c u r a c y at a l l . It's n o t h i n g

m o n p r o b l e m o f trying t o force t w o

l i k e it is h e r e - a n d c o n s e q u e n t l y Fer-

m i n u t e s o f material into ninety

rell a n d K a t t a n ' s g e e k y b e h a v i o u r s i m -

utes o f celluloid.

ply d o e s n ' t t r a n s f e r . S e c o n d l y , w e ' v e

W h a t e v e r t h e a n s w e r is, h o w e v e r ,

s e e n this kind o f t h i n g a million t i m e s before - just c h e c k out t h e m o r n i n g

the n e t result r e m a i n s t h e s a m e - a

"What

c o m e d y t h a t y o u ' l l l a u g h at, n o t w i t h .

s c h e d u l e o n C h a n n e l Four d u r i n g t h e

A n d t h a t ' s A Night

s c h o o l holidays. Thirdly, a n d m o s t c o n -

P o p M u z i k (3rd Party)

c l u s i v e l y , l o o k at t h e s o u n d t r a c k l i s t i n g :

this, t h e r e c u r r i n g t h e m e o f ' W h a t is

Where

d o y o u g o m y lovely

Mercy),

D i s c o I n f e r n o (Cyndi

(No

Lauper),

min-

L o v e ' b y Haddaway.

- a n d a b o v e all

All o f w h i c h w o u l d

b e O K if t h i s w a s s e t i n s o m e k i n d o f

k i t s c h , 8 0 ' s r e t r o w o r l d - b u t it i s n ' t , i t ' s Ultimately, h o w e v e r , t h e real p r o b -

at the Roxbury

Roxburys

nally b a d that it's f u n n y . B r i n g

present day. Please G o d , n o . l e m w i t h A Night

at the

o n e s a v i n g g r a c e - it's s o p h e n o m e -

C h e v y C h a s e , a l l is f o r g i v e n .

back

Dave

Reviews & Competition

k PDATE

g :

h dear, have

everything s e e m s t o

gone

where.

wrong

Just w h e n

some-

y o u think

H o l l y w o o d is g e t t i n g its a c t t o g e t h e r

A r m a g e d d o n h a s t a k e n a lot o f a b u s e

and actually m a k i n g s o m e half-decent

s i n c e its r e l e a s e last A u g u s t - l a r g e l y

movies

for once,

along

something

reaffirm

your

b e c a u s e ( t h a n k s t o Godzilla

comes

faith

Avengers)

a n d The

every action m o v i e released

last s u m m e r w a s d e c r e e d p o o r . H o w -

H o l l y w o o d ' s f a t a l f l a w s . In t h i s c a s e , bases

e v e r s u c h c r i t i c i s m is u n f a i r as, u n l i k e

itself o n t h e p r e m i s e o f ( b r a c e y o u r -

m o s t o f last y e a r ' s o t h e r b l o c k b u s t e r

self) a m a n c a l l e d J a c k f r o s t

o f f e r i n g s , Armageddon

it's Jack

a movie which

reincarnated

as a

being

delivered what

it p r o m i s e d - b i g e x p l o s i o n s , a n all star

snowman, and

cast,

B u s c c m i , s o m e d a m n i m p r e s s i v e CGI

First t h i n g s first, h o w e v e r .

MTV),

how-

His

e v e r , t h e S n o w m a n i t s e l f is d i r e . W h a t

t h a t t h e l e a d c h a r a c t e r is w e a r i n g t h e

to t h e traditional lag b e t w e e n U S a n d

tic

kind

f o u n d in

UK release dates - w h i c h c a n only be a

bloke-in-a-foam-suit. W e l l m a d e a n d

school p a n t o m i m e s . Kiddies movie yes,

g o o d thing, as excessive viewing fig-

p r o f e s s i o n a l a s t h e rest o f t h e m o v i e

but Toys R U s c o s t u m e s ?

u r e s c o u l d p o t e n t i a l l y l e a d t o Jack

may look (with s o m e

neatly

choreo-

of costume

usually

I think not.

D e s p i t e t h e fact that Jack Frost h a s

a n d show-ball

' C h r i s t m a s holidays' written all over,

fights), y o u c a n ' t g e t a w a y f r o m t h e fact

it's b e i n g r e l e a s e d i n F e b r u a r y t h a n k s

ski chases

graphed

(translation:

a n d rent

the video

o n that

m o v i e s a r e s u p p o s e d t o b e f u n , aren't

ar dr y t u r n s o u t t o b e a l o w - b u d g e t tastraditional

film

p r e m i s e , t h e n y o u ' l l e n j o y it. A f t e r all,

s h o u l d h a v e b e e n a display o f CGI w i z -

the

Bruckheimer

c h e e s y , a c t i o n p a c k e d a n d e d i t e d like

t h e f a t h e r - s o n r e l a t i o n s h i p is s u r p r i s -

for

from

A s l o n g a s y o u a c c e p t that this is a Jerry

put in f in e p e r f o r m a n c e s , a n d

outing

relief

tain o f c h e e s e .

K e a t o n , P r e s t o n a n d A d d y {The Full

ingly ch eese- free. Surprisingly,

light

a n d effects, a n d an unremitting m o u n -

Despite

the h i d e o u s ethos b e h i n d t h e m o v i e ,

Monty)

some

Steve

g i v e n o n e last c h a n c e t o r e d e e m h i m s e l f in t h e e y e s o f h i s s o n .

they?

Frost

2 - a c o n c e p t I d o n ' t e v e n w a n t to think about.

Put t o g e t h e r t h r e e s i m p l e c o m p o n e n t s :

Q Dave

a b u n c h o f y o u n g A m e r i c a n w riters ; a love triangle; a n d a star o f Friends Schwimmer).

Win cinema tickets with the

A recipe

(David

for disaster,

surely? W e l l , surprisingly, n o . A d m i t t e d l y , it's n o t p a r t i c u l a r l y great e i t h e r , b u t it's undeniably

competent,

acceptably

e n t e r t a i n i n g , a n d wittily w r i t t e n . M o r e importantly, c o n s i d e r i n g t h e time o f year, it m i g h t b e p r u d e n t l o s u g g e s t this as a n i d e a l m o v i e t o rent f o r a n e v e n i n g in w i t h y o u r g i r l / b o y f r i e n d ( i n o l h e r w o r d s it's n o t t o t a l l y a b s o r b i n g , y o u w o n ' t l o o k s a d / s o p p y / a d o l e s c e n t if y o u rent it, a n d if e v e r y t h i n g g o e s a bit P e t e

T o n g it's n o t a c t u a l l y a b a d m o v i e ) .

IJKLMINKJOPJQMRQMS k

D e s p i t e t h e fact that it's n o t r e l e a s e d

If y o u k n o w , t h e n e m a i l y o u r

until n e x t Friday, This Year's

Love

has

before

answers Wednes-

a l r e a d y b e e n t o u t e d a s t h i s y e a r ' s Full

d a y e v e n i n g . T h e first f i v e n a m e s o u t o f

H e r e w e g o a g a i n . Lassie

Monty

t h e v i r t u a l hat w i l l w i n a pair o f t i c k e t s .

really d o h a v e a lot t o a n s w e r for.

o r Four

Weddings.

However,

whilst s u c h c o m p a r i s o n s m i g h t you think o f a n easy g o i n g ,

make

vaguely

a n d Free Willywete I'm s o r r y f o r t h e d e l a y i n p r i n t i n g t h e

romantic, c o m e d y , w h a t y o u actually

names of the winners of the

get is a m u c h grittier slice o f life. A c r o s s

speare

b e t w e e n M i k e L e i g h a n d Men

here they are:

Behaving

in Love

Badly m i g h t b e n e a r e r t h e t r u t h . It's u n d o u b t e d l y g o i n g t o b e w e l l

Shake-

c o m p e t i t i o n , b u t (at last)

and

begins

Babe

acceptable, but the

recent flood o f talking animal movies

Flipper

to grate.

This

based time

a r o u n d t h e m u t a n t pet in q u e s t i o n is the e p o n y m o u s Paulie,

a fast-talking par-

Chiara Manfletti

rot, n o less. H a v i n g 'los t ' h i s first o w n e r

M a t h e w Hindley

(young

Hallie

Kate

Lisenberg), he

Tim Rhodes

s p e n d s t h e rest o f h i s life a t t e m p t i n g to

K e n s i n g t o n , y o u c a n c a t c h it f o r f r e e . T o

Alex Thackery

f i n d h e r a g a i n . In a c t u a l fact, it's f u n ,

pick u p a pair o f t i c k e t s , all y o u h a v e t o

Dominic Guppy

k n o c k a b o u t stuff, i d e a l f o r y o u r little

worth seeing, and, thanks to the O d e o n

d o is a n s w e r t h e f o l l o w i n g q u e s t i o n :

T h e r e w e r e i n fact t w o c o r r e c t a n s w e r s

brother (should y o u h a p p e n to b e h a m -

to t h e c o m p e t i t i o n - T o m S t o p p a r d w r o t e

p e r e d b y s u c h a n a n n o y a n c e ) - I've just

b o t h The Fifteen

Rosencrantz

n p

Minute

and Guildcnstcrn

Hamlet

and

Arc Dead

- so either m o v i e w a s a c c e p t e d .

got a personal v e n d e t t a against the e n t i r e g e n r e . Sorry.

Dave

E e This self-titled e x h i b i t i o n s e e s M c Q u e e n

ates t h e classic Buster

scene

a silent four a n d a half m i n u t e s o f s l o w

a c c u r a t e m e a s u r e m e n t ? ) t h e r e w a s not a

returning to t h e site o f his 1995 d e b u t . T h e

w h e r e h e is s p a r e d f r o m b e i n g c r u s h e d

m o t i o n black a n d w h i t e . O n l y o n c e d o w e

lot l o t a k e h o m e after t h e initial novelty,

e x h i b i t i o n itself is n o t m u c h o f a stretch

under a falling wall by a conveniently

s e e M c Q u e e n f l i n c h a s the w a l l s p e e d s

But m a y b e

for M c Q u e e n

who

Keaton

that's

exactly

the-

point

sticks t o w h a t h e

M c Q u e e n s h o w s n o e m o t i o n in spite o f

k n o w s best; u s i n g n o v e l c a m e r a a n g l e s

e v e n t s , n o a n t i c i p a t i o n a n d n o relief, a n d

a n d p r o j e c t i o n s t o cast n e w light o n his

t h e v i e w e r t h e r e f o r e h a s n o t h i n g to relate

subjects.

to o n a n e m o t i o n a l l e v e l .

N o w h e r e is this m o r e clearly d e m o n -

All in all, t h e e x h i b i t i o n isn't g o i n g to

strated than in " D r u m r o l l " , a triple s c r e e n

radically alter t h e w a y y o u v i e w t h e w o r l d ,

film of a barrel b e i n g rolle d by M c Q u e e n

b u t for a p o u n d it's w o r t h a l o o k . At least

d o w n t h e streets o f M a n h a t t a n . W e v i e w

at t h e e n d o f y o u r visit y o u ' l l feel that lit-

t h e j o u r n e y o u t o f b o t h e n d s o f t h e bar-

tle bit m o r e u r b a n e for just h a v i n g e n t e r e d

rel, f r o m a n e c c e n t r i c p o s i t i o n , a n d l o o k -

a gallery a n d y o u r e n g i n e e r friends will b e

i n g radially f r o m t h e s u r f a c e o f t h e barrel.

i m p r e s s e d w i t h y o u r level o f sophistication

W h i l e t h e f i l m d o e s p r o v e i n t e r e s t i n g in

or not. T h e e x h i b i t i o n is o p e n until 21 M a r c h

highlighting t h e n u m b e r of circular objects travelling

a n d associated events include several

d o w n a street, a n d s e r v e s as a n e x c e l l e n t

gallery talks a n d a s p e c i a l o n e da y c o n -

that o n e

encounters w h e n

illustration o f t h e m o t i o n o f a p o i n t o n t h e

f e r e n c e o n t h e m e a n i n g o f political in the

c i r c u m f e r e n c e o f a r o l l i n g circle, w h i c h

c o n t e x t o f c o n t e m p o r a r y art.

Russell

you may have been contemplating since yo u r GCSE physics classes, o n c e t h e quasiU n t il 21st M a r c h

novelty o f t h e c a m e r a p l a c e m e n t w a r e s o f f o n e is left w i t h t h e f e e l i n g that n o t h l o c a t e d w i n d o w ( w e ' v e all s e e n it). T h e

past, i n c h e s f r o m his f a c e . Try as I d i d to

Nearest

T h e s a m e is true o f t h e o t h e r f i l m

projection o c c u p i e s a n entire wall a n d

extract s o m e m e a n i n g f r o m w h a t I w a s

O p e n i n g h o u r s ; daily 12 - 7.30p m

installation, " D e a d p a n " . M c Q u e e n recre-

s h o w s t h e e v e n t f r o m v a r i o u s a n g l e s for

w a t c h i n g , (trust? faith? T h e i m p o r t a n c e o f

A d m i s s i o n : ÂŁ1.50, w e e k - e n d s ÂŁ2.50

i n g n e w h a s really b e e n a c c o m p l i s h e d .

tube; C h a r i n g Cross

E E Brett Donovan

G r a c e

T f i e a t r e

Blood

romance

turn o f the c e n t u r y C h r i s t m a s s h o p p e r -

a n d love. H o w f i t t i n g that G r a c e T h e a t r e

all m i n k c o a t s a n d fur hats - as befits this

V a l e n t i n e ' s w e e k - a t i m e for

wedding

spoke

to the ICSM cast of

after

watching

them in

gle h o w will the passions a n d impulses fair a g a i n s t t h e s o c i a l c o n v e n t i o n s ? H o w

rehearsal.

will t h e struggle w i t h b a d b l o o d end?

After m u c h deliberation , ICSM o p t e d for

i s m , b o t h in t e r m s o f c h a r a c t e r s p l a y e d

t h r o u g h o u t t h e r e is m u c h s y m b o l -

s h o u l d c h o o s e t o put o n a d o u b l e bill

p e r i o d m e l o d r a m a . A c o m m a n d i n g per-

the p r o d u c t i o n n a m e d B l o o d W e d d i n g .

a n d s o m e o f th e m o r e latent ideas, l o r

about infidelity a n d

f o r m a n c e from Christina Greatrex drew

After

e x a m p l e t w o characters play the roles

Stronger' I w a s u n f o r t u n a t e l y d i s t r a c t e d

s o m e attention a w a y f r o m her m i s b e -

i n c l u d i n g S h a k e s p e a r e , it w a s

f r o m t h e t h e m e by M r s X's t e e t e r i n g fur

h a v i n g head-piece w h i c h , despite her

apt t o play t h i s S p a n i s h T r a g e d y . W h a t

hat. It w a s h a r d

best efforts, e v e n t u a l l y slid a w a y to reveal

makes Blood W e d d i n g stand out from

a n o n - p e r i o d hair style.

S h a k e s p e a r e is p e r h a p s that is l e s s n e b -

e x p e r i e n c e d actor, s h e is certainly a c c u s -

u l o u s a n d s o m e w h a t shorter t h a n S h a k e -

t o m e d to treadin g the boards, a n d the

b e t r a y a l . In ' T h e

to ignore

because

a l t h o u g h t h e r e w e r e t w o o t h e r characters o n s t a g e ('Miss V a n d t h e w a i t e r ) s h e h a d

I like f r i n g e v e n u e s b e c a u s e

they

many

successful

productions thought

s p e a r e a n affairs w i t h o n l y t h r e e acts .

m o o n and death. B l o o d W e d d i n g is d i r e c t e d by R o s i e Beal-Preston, a 1 st y e a r clinical m e d i c . A n

cast i n f o r m m c that s h e is a n e x c e l l e n t

all t h e lines - y e s , this w a s a m o n o l o g u e .

usually a l l o w d r i n k s in t h e a u d i t o r i u m , s o

It a l s o o c c u r e d t o m e h o w w e l l I c o u l d

if t h e a c t i o n b e c o m e s less t h a n interest-

play t h e part o f L m i l e in T h e s o u n d o f

ing, o n e can always pick up one's G u i n -

rors a true s t o r y that t o o k p l a c e at A l m e -

a i m e d t o b e as faithful t o the original

s i l e n c e ' . It g o e s s o m e t h i n g like this:

n e s s a n d a p p r e c i a t e that i n s t e a d . I f o u n d

ria in 1928 . Ihe title hints at the plot. This

m e a n i n g as p o s s i b l e , u n l i k e o t h e r inter-

m y s e l f d o i n g this several t i m e s . To trek all

is n o o r d i n a r y m a r r i a g e - t h e b r i d e is

pretations w h i c h l e n d to bias toward

drunk. Girlfriend rants a b o u t y o u n o t

the w a y t o C l a p h a m l o see this

c a u g h t b e t w e e n t h e m a n s h e w a n t e d to

the sexual aspects.

p h o n i n g . I g n o r e h er . G o t o b e d . R e a d

slightly d i s a p p o i n t i n g . A l t h o u g h t h e p r o -

Enter s t a g e right w e a r i n g t u x e d o ,

newspaper. S m o k e a cigarette. G o t o g r a m m e

boasted

about

was

the Shake-

A t r a g e d y , l e d e r l c o Lorca's play m i r -

marry (Leonardo), with w h o m she feels

B e i n g a p r e v i e w I w a s not a l l o w e d

exhilarated a n d exciting, a n d her bride-

to k n o w the e n d i n g . But I have a n i n k l i n g o f w h a t m a y b e in s t o r e , p r o b a -

s l e e p for Vi h o u r w h i l e girlfriend rants o n .

spearean pedigree of the performers, I

g r o o m to be. a safe a n d

A n d o n . A n d o n . G e t u p . Put o n t r o u s e r s .

t h o u g h t s o m e t h i n g w a s slightly l a c k i n g .

character. Leonardo marries

lain

Exit s t a g e right t o g o o u t d r i n k i n g . This play w a s a m o n o l o g u e t o o . A s i n g e r talks h e r s e l f t o d e s p a i r in f r o n t o f

U n t il 11th F e b r u a r y

her insensitive, s o m e t i m e s s l e e p i n g lover.

and a c c o m p l i s h e d director. S h e has

dependable another

bly i n v o l v i n g a b l o o d y f i n a l e , b u t f o r

w o m a n a s a result o f f a m i l y f e u d i n g .

w h o m ? I n o w have to attend the w h o l e

Adulterous

p e r f o r m a n c e , if o n l y for c o m p l e t e n e s s .

passion

flows

between

with

t h e time

a n d effort

L e o n a r d o a n d t h e b r i d e to b e , w i t h t h e

However

result that the b r i d e l e a v e s a b r u p t l y at

e x p e n d in a d d i t i o n to the skill o f the cast

Q u i t e similar t o 'The S t r o n g e r ' w h e r e a

L a t c h m e r e p u b , 503 B a t t e r s e a Park R o a d

the c e r e m o n y w i t h L e o n a r d o . Inciden-

a n d d i r e c t o r s , I d o u b t it w i l l b e a n y t h i n g

b e t r a y e d w i f e talks h e r s e l f to d e s p a i r in

C l a p h a m J u n c t i o n BR

tally, L e o n a r d o is t h e o n l y n a m e d c h a r -

other than a success.

front o f her h u s b a n d ' s m i s t r e s s .

Tickets: c o n c e s s i o n s ÂŁ7

a c t e r in t h e play.

Both ladies in the Stronger

were

i m m a c u l a t e l y d r e s s e d in t h e style o f t h e

P e r f o r m a n c e t i m e s : T u e s d a y - Saturday 8pm, Sunday 4.30pm

Brett

C e n t r a l to t h e play is Ihe n o t i o n o f fate a n d heredity. In t h e e m o t i o n a l strug-

P e r f o r m a n c e s : 1 7 , 1 9 a n d 20th February

E y

ome

Together

is a u n i q u e b o o k

a s it is a n o v e l w h e r e y o u c a n r e a d b o t h s i d e s o f t h e story. This

b u t is n o w s t u c k i n a j o b s h e c a n ' t escape from. Our

characters

meel

at a n i n f a -

proves to b e very interesting, as nei-

m o u s s i n g l e s b a r o n a f r i e n d ' s birlh-

ther o f t h e m k n o w s what each

d a y , a n d I h e rest o f t h e b o o k t a k e s y o u

other

is t h i n k i n g . It's s i m i l a r i n s t y l e l o Brid-

t h r o u g h t h e r o l l e r c o a s t e r t h a i is t h e i r

get Jones'

relationship.

Diary

by H e l e n f i e l d i n g , a s

it is a b o u t t h e s a m e t y p e o f p e o p l e .

S o c o m p e l l i n g is t h e s t o r y l i n e that

J a c k R o s s i t c r is a s i n g l e , w o m a n -

y o u just c a n n o t put this b o o k d o w n , as

e a t i n g t w e n t y - s e v e n y e a r o l d w h o lives

y o u a l w a y s w a n t t o k n o w w h a t is g o i n g

w i t h his best m a t e in L o n d o n . H e o n c e

t o h a p p e n next. Your v i e w o f this b o o k

h a d a serious relationship but h e b r o k e

will very m u c h d e p e n d o n your o w n

it off. H o w e v e r , h e h a s b e e n u n a b l e t o

personal experience

commit

t i o n s h i ps - n o l just sexual o n e s b u l

to anyone

since.

In o t h e r

w o r d s , h e ' s Just b e e n p i c k i n g w o m e n

r e g a r d i n g rela-

o n e s involving friendship too. Ihe peo-

u p f o r f u n . I be t l h a l is m o s l IC b l o k e s '

p l e i n Ihis b o o k c o u l d b e a n y o n e o f u s

dream.

at a n y l i m e s o o n . A l t h o u g h il is a b o u t

A m y C r o s b i c o n I h e o t h e r h a n d is a 'temp' w h o hasn't

relationships, il isn't a r o m a n t i c n o v e l

h a d s e x i n s i x - m o r e a s n i p p e t o f t w o p e o p l e s ' lives.

m o n t h s a n d it's g e l l i n g h e r d o w n . S h e w a n t s a relationship b u tlacks t h e 'other h a l f , tier best f r i e n d , H e l e n , has a partner a n d il s e e m s s o a p p e a l i n g t o her. S h e hates T e m p i n g ' w o r k

A y

cacacaca E

ffectively t h e sixth n o v e l in A n n e

journey; a more feminine perspective,

R i c e ' s b e s t - s e l l i n g Vampire

p e r h a p s (previous narrators have b e e n

icles,

Pandora

minor character

Chron-

is t h e story o f a o f that n a m e

her earlier b o o k s . Born

male).

from

to a noble

Having read t h e previous books, all t h e r e f e r e n c e s t o e s t a b l i s h e d c h a r -

Roman family two t h o u s a n d years a g o ,

a c t e r s a n d e v e n t s w e r e f a i r l y clear,- if

Pandora

you haven't read a n y o f t h e others,

grows

into

a woman

b e a u t y , i n t e l l i g e n c e a n d c u l t u r e . S h e is

though,

forced t o flee t o Antioch during t h e

confusing. Mos t of the background to

E m p e r o r T i b e r i u s ' p u r g e s , w h e r e s h e is

t h e s t o r y is i n The Vampire

made

h i s t o r i c a l e v e n t s in R o m e fit n i c e l y w i t h

another

into

a vampire

character

by Marius,

from t h e

Chroni-

cles. A f t e r a b r i e f d e s c r i p t i o n o f t h e

Pandora

mayseem

Lcstat.

those d e s c r i b e d in Robert

Claudius,

a little

The

Graves' /

w h i c h h e l p e d since they are

next two m i l l e n n i a a s a v a m p i r e , t h e

r e f e r r e d t o b u t n o t really e x p l a i n e d .

b o o k e n d s a s P a n d o r a l eav e s for N e w

They d o add nicely t o t h e authentic

Orleans to renew w i t h t h e Chronicles' The

book

her acquaintance

f e e l o f P a n d o r a ' s life, t h o u g h .

h e r o , Lestat.

is p r e s e n t e d

as Pan-

O v e r a l l , Pandora

is a g r e a t c o n t i n -

u a t i o n o f t h e Vampire well-written,

Chronicles,

intelligent

and

dora's m e m o i r s , written in a m o d e r n

novel.

d a y P a r i s c a f e , t h i s s t y l e is s i m i l a r t o

A l t h o u g h it's n o t t h e best

m u c h o f Rice's other w o r k , but m o r e

t i o n t o R i c e ' s w o r k , it is a l m o s t e s s e n -

introduc-

d e s c r i p t i v e , s e n s u a l a n d e v o c a t i v e . It's

tial f o r f a n s . O u t n o w i n h a r d b a c k is

very a b s o r b i n g , a n d the characters are

the next story in this scries,

complex and believable. C o m p a r e d to

another character w h o gets a w h o l e

t h e e a r l i e r Vampire

b o o k to himself.

Chronicles,

there

Armand,

isn't s o m u c h a c t i o n ( a l t h o u g h t h e r e is a fair bit), it is a m u c h m o r e p e r s o n a l

Gareth

Helen

4 Singles

Albums

' i " W.'

1,'itv >

hiJITM;'! •.'.•.;! :;.!ii!on - .i U s e o f ,i b l e a k cxis-

and

••:vh: i.

• livingat t h e

his C D is t h e result o f t h e t e n

electronically g e n e r a t e d , but Cassius d o

year

partnership

deploy varied African percussion a n d

french

producers Phillipc

Hubert

between Zdar

m a k e great u s e o f bizarre s a m p l e s - as

BlancT r a n c a r l , a s w e l l a s

well as the previously m e n t i o n e d m o n -

m a n y o t h e r artists t h e y h a v e b e e n t h e

k e y o n Invisible,

p r o d u c e r s o f c h o i c e f o r f r e n c h r a p 'star'

sionally but effectively.

M C Solaar. S o t h e r e .

W i t h s i x t e e n tracks o n t h i s a l b u m

Basically, this C D is c h o c k full o f large it's j u v a n o t h e r

french beats, m e s s e d u p vocal s a m p l e s

s rlh':l'f.'hrw-rnw-n v

and t h e occasionally looped

v i o l i n s a r e u s e d occas-

monkey.

C a s s i u s certainly deliver v a l u e for m o n e y , w h i l e n o t e v e r y track is q u i t e u p t o t h e i n f e c t i o u s beats a n d d e l i c i o u s f u n k o f Ihe h i t Cassius

1999, t h e r e a r e

P h i l l i p e a n d I l u b e r t really s h o w o f f their

monster

m a s t e r y o f t h e 303 b e a t b o x w i t h this

e n o u g h little g e m s a n d s o u ! t h u m p i n g

a l b u m - y o u c a n h e a r that d i s t i n c t i v e hi-

m o m e n t s to raise this LI a b o v e t h e s t a n 5

hat o n practically e v e r y track - this is n o d a r d . S t a n d o u t t r a c k s i n c l u d e , Somebody Nulife a n d t h e previously b a d t h i n g b u t it d o e s e n d u p s o u n d i n g

rather d a t e d s o m e t i m e s . B u t I s u p p o s e

m e n t i o n e d Hey Babe a n d

o n e m a n ' s d a t e d is a n o t h e r m a n ' s retro.

Cassisus are another

Invisible. great

band

• ;eW:rl-

T h e a l b u m is c e r t a i n l y a m i x e d b a g , w i t h

f r o m t h e F r e n c h revival that s e e m s t o

o c c a s i o n a l tracks s o u n d i n g postively

h a v e b e e n h a p p e n i n g recently. They j o i n

. errfhix

a n n o r e x i c in their p r o d u c t i o n , a n d o t h e r s

Daft P u n k a n d Air a s b a n d s t o w a t c h in

tually g o o d ,

e n d u p s o c r a m m e d full o f b e a t s that

t h e n e w m i l l e n i u m - 1999 is a great w a y

they threaten to fuse your speakers.

to f i n i s h it.

screams the headline. Lord

defy G-esque C a s s i u s p a r t y i n g like it's 1999 .

cool piano -

Joel

C a s s i u s d o n ' t stray m u c h f r o m t h e

with Marvin Gave a n d C h i

w e l l e s t a b l i s h e d ' b u i l d it u p , k n o c k it

checks to boot.

d o w n ' school of dance muisic product i o n . T h e y s c u l p t t h e b e a t s i n t o a roar o f b a s s a n d t h e n pull it all a w a y - l e a v i n g o n l y a solitary v o c a l or l o o p e d s a m p l e . W h i l e t h e y a r e f i r m l y e n t r e n c h e d in t h e

from the Goddess

late ' 9 0 s h a p p y c l a p p y h o u s e s o u n d ,

that

t h e i r earlier r o o t s a r e t h e r e f o r e v e r y o n e

whereby she laments o n T h e a c t u a l s i n g l e r e l e a s e ir t e l u d e s a tc-

t o s e e . W i t h a S o u t h Park C h e f - e s q u c

e m i x o f Lost

sample looped o no n e of the standout tracks o f t h e a l b u m , Hey Babe t h e y s h o w

vara. This Is t h e p r o m o - c o j

their respect for 7 0 s funk w h i c h h a s

n't i n c l u d e s a i d r e m i x - bast a r d capitalist

u n d o u b t e d l y influenced t h e m a great

record company!

d e a l . M o s t o f t h e b e a t s in t h e a l b u m a r e

n a row a n d It's only February! T h e latest r e l e a s e f r o m

E n

t h e s u b l i m e One t o v e a l b u m. C D 2 cont a i n s a rlff-tastic r e m i x o f Show Me

The

i r u x . This is tjit_ leu icu u a u ing record c o m p a n y !

ower-pop-tastic! Jangly

guitars!

N a s a l v o c a l s ! I've really t a k e n t o t h e s e g u y s . This t y p e o f m u s i c is

b u t if t h e y a r e t h e y d o a g o o d j o b o f h i d -

Is Easy... T h i s , a l o n g w i t h

i n g it.

t h e b e a t i f i c , if s l i g h t l y c o r n y English

I d o n ' t k n o w t h e i r i n f l u e n c e s b u t I'd

Walking

Egotripperand Girl

is a s t a n d o u t track. T h r e e o u t o f

e l e v e n ain't b a d . T h e a l b u m a s a w h o l e

rare t h e s e d a y s . T h e w h o l e a l b u m , t o

bet a w a d o f m o n e y that M a d c h e s t e r h a d

' E v e r y b o d y w a n t s t o b e Int h e p l a c e t o

m e at least, is full o f p o p s o n g s that

a lot to d o w i t h their particu la r b r a n d o f

h a s a full-on h i p p i e revival t h e m a b o u t it,

b e . But it's p l a i n t o s e e it's r rot this party.

s o u n d like t h e b a n d w a n t t o h a v e f u n ,

s o n i c e n t e r t a i n m e n t , a l o n g w i t h '60s p o p

a l b e i t w i t h a c o n t e m p o r a r y twist. I h e

a n d t h e y w a n t y o u t o , e v e n m o r e . Let's

a n d r o c k ' n ' roll ( s a m e a s e v e r y o t h e r

ideals a r e t h e r e b u t there's a m o d e r n f e e l

r e m i n i s c e o v e r t h e '60 s shall w e ?

b a n d , t h e n ) . But their s o u n d isn't a s s i m -

m i x e d i n t o that retro c a t c h i n e s s . This, it

ilar t o all t h o s e i n d i e b a n d s that h a v e

h a s t o b e s a i d , is a g o o d t h i n g . H

a n v t h l n g t o g o b y I'm n >t s u r p r i s e d . W e l c o m e to h is Excellent?

T h e insert t o t h e a l b u m d o e s n ' t g i v e much

s t o n , K a k i l a n d , L o r d Purvey /or o f <3.iI thcit is Kakky.

away:

n o lyrics a n d o n l y t h e

g o n e b e f o r e t h e m . T h e first track,

World's

briefest o f a c k n o w l e d g e m e n t s a n d infor-

Finest

m a t i o n . H o w e v e r , it d o c s s h o w that three

a l b u m , e x c e p t it's a lot m o t e m u s i c a l l y

o f t h e b a n d still t h i n k t h e o l d ' L i a m a n d

adept,

N o e l ' haircut (circa 1994) is c o o l . I t h i n k

caught d e a d with a tambourine. As w e

w e c a n f o r g i v e t h e m o n t h e g r o u n d s that

s p i n o u r w a y t h r o u g h t h e a l b u m at a

could b e ripped off a Green Day

a n d Green

Day wouldn't be

t h i s is o n e hell o f a n a l b u m . A c t u a l l y n o ,

h e a d y 33 1/3 r p m w e e n c o u n t e r , i n t e n -

that's t h e w r o n g p h r a s e ; it's m o r e o f a n

t i o n a l l y o r n o , sly w i n k s a n d c l a n d e s t i n e

e x c e p t i o n a l o n e . I'll e x p l a i n : I d o n ' t t h i n k

n o d s to a n u m b e r o f other b a n d s o f t h e

ramblings lie within ant

that T h e K y n d w o u l d like m c t o u s e t h e

s a m e ilk. W e h a v e a c o p y o f Cast o n

then...oh l o o k there's s o m

w o r d ' h e l l ' or a n y o t h e r b l a s p h e m o u s or

Almost

a b u s i v e w o r d s f o r that m a t t e r . T h e y l o o k

Cast irritate m e greatly. T h e r e ' s a n Inspi-

ing.

El Chris

too wholesome

a n d Waltonish,

they

could b e smacked-up t o t h e eyeballs,

There

w h i c h I liked, a l t h o u g h

ral C a r p e t s - c s q u c ditty in Chestnut

and a

milder v e r s i o n o f O C S o n If You Think This

Christian

Singles

Albums

:'•••

il)l<. i

O O O '.I

,•

• • IS ( V

i ...

! 'I

i s "

u n r e m ul al,!. ITHi.sk.

et a n o t h e r ' B e s t o f . . . ' / ' G r e a t e s t

late e i g h t i e s . I c a n o n l y t h i n k that this h a s b e e n

h i t s . . . . ' p a c k a g e to clutter u p t h e a l b u m c h a r t s - a s if t h e r e w e r e n ' t

e n o u g h o f t h e m a r o u n d a l r e a d y . This

released t o j u m p o n t h e '80s

Teardrop

t h e title d o e s s u g g e s t , frankly, it's a w a s t e o f m o n e y . I lis t w o e x i s t i n g g r e a t e s t hits

band

The

•:

• ' Hi

b l a n d • steer w e l l c l e a r /

e by

Howie B . . . . . . .

•.•!',.•,<

i n . H i e . s i n . i .!

e g o t i s t i c a l a n d a s u p p o s e d self i n d u l -

p a c k a g e s are m u c h m o r e s e l e c t i v e . In all,

V n

g e n t f l a w e d g e n i u s , if e v e r t h e r e w e r e

t h i s a l b u m d o e s m o r e t o put p e o p l e o f f

' • " v t • ••iter ', v , ' ! - y ; : " r . v

l i s t e n i n g to J u l i a n C o p e t h a n l o g e t y o u

one. T h e title o f t h e a l b u m is that o f a

to b u y his back c a t a l o g u e .

Currently

Suicide.

u n s i g n e d t o a r e c o r d label, h e really

T h e a l b u m c o v e r s t h e t w o p h a s e s that

s h o u l d give u p a n d g o h o m e . N o t h a n k s ,

track f r o m the 1991 a l b u m Peggy

C o p e spent s i g n e d t o Island

Records,

l]e

; e

t 'i.rn-

' . .' II

'.I

t h e t u n e a n d in i h e e n d v o n b e g i n to lire l i o n i ; i i

- Buffalo

•'

Soldier

C o p e g o e s for t h e self a b s o r b e d s a d n e s s

10.1.11

like t h e S m i t h s , a d d s o m e s y n t h e s i s e r s

a U g h i riiil

a n d t h e o d d e x p e r i m e n t a l bit h e r e a n d

n t(.i

i /••:,! •

•!. e . . ••.

!• l i e

less

t h e r e , a n d t h a t ' s it. T h e early part o f t h e a l b u m c o v e r s Phase O n e ,

I 1

tor t h o s e not familiar with his music,

Julian C o p e - haircut option al .

•• '

b a n d w a g o n . W h e t h e r d e s i g n e d for n o s -

E x p l o d e s - a s o l o artist s i n c e '83 a n d a n

eighties

•

revival

t i m e it's J u l i a n C o p e , f o r m e r l y o f t h e t a l g i a o r t o c a t c h a n e w g e n e r a t i o n - a s early

II s

•••uii'i

iiion

IS.

s s i

ell

,'.!

' '

/ 986-1988 a n d is a bit o f a

mix. M y p e r s o n a l favourites a r c t h e c a t c h y Trampoline

Crazy

harm

a n d t h e Smiths-like

Animal.

Apart f ro m these,

Anne

stands out as g o o d

o n l y .Charlotte

— i

m ateria l w h e r e a s t h e e x p e r i m e n t a l Trans-

porting

just s m a c k s o f p u r e self-indul.K

g e n c e . T h e latter part o f t h e a l b u m .

There

Ian B r o w n -

P h a s e T w o , 1991-1992 is d i r e . T h e r e is a

This e o l l a b o i a l i e n w i t h Ian B l o w n is n. .t

fine line in m u s i c b e t w e e n

o n t h e P s i c n i e lictronalbum

eccentricity

b a d t a s t e a n d I t h i n k that

and

i lass, Ian Brow n's \ o u .

s p r i n t e d a c r o s s it s o m e t i m e d u r i n g t h e

w i t h i n thj

w h i c h is

a:,:tta I r j g ; x u d e s

u n l e r t u n a i e a s Ifi;

Cope

fits perfec lly

• ii m i w. nt of t h e

sons) a n d l e a d s it i n t o a b l e a k s o u n d -

s c a p e r e m i n i s c e n t o l f h e S o u r c e ' s tia. I I. , l u i n e { , , n d

)m •. Cot

tllon

R as

ecently have

a n d LA

a g o o d f e e l t o t h e a l b u m s o that o n e

t h e hot areas for

d o e s n ' t get t o o sick o f the over s m o o t h ,

S a n Francisco

been

f i n d i n g t h e ' n e x t b i g t h i n g ' as far

hip-hop

is c o n c e r n e d ,

spawning

rich s o u n d s .

Defari

has a f e w

f a m o u s friends to h e l p h i m out o n his

Jurassic 5 a n d n u m e r o u s o t h e r f i n e , r a w

r a p p i n g talc , Xzibit,

t a l e n t c o l l e c t i v e s . A n d a s far a s DJing

Phil Tha AgonyTo

g o e s these areas have b e e n t h e most

also

focused

Daily

Tha Alkaholiks

and

m e n t i o n but a few. is n o t a b a d

album

producing

t h o u g h it's c e r t a i n l y n o t a m a z i n g . T h e r e

some

o f Ihe most innovative scratch-

a r e a f e w g o o d tracks o n it b u t n o t h i n g

ing,

beat

t h i n k i n g as w e l l ,

forward

melodies

displays,

and

pleasing

in h i p - h o p at t h e m o m e n t .

D e f a r i is o n e o f t h e n e w b r e e d o f W e s t

really s t a n d s o u t . If y o u like W e s t C o a s t h i p - h o p focused

Daily

Is a g o o d b u y

o t h e r w i s e I'm a f r a i d that D e f a r i o n t h e

has been

s t r e n g t h o f this a l b u m will f a d e i n t o t h e

h o n e d f r e e s t y l i n g at h o u s e part i e s a n d

swarm of other undistinguished rappers

M C i n g f o r f u n . H i s v o i c e is n o t h i n g s p e -

w a i t i n g f o r that o n e s i n g l e that

cial b u t h i s lyrics f l o w s m o o t h l y , w i t h

l a u n c h h i m to s t a r d o m .

Side

rapper, w h o s e

assurance,

talent

occasionally s o u n d i n g

will

i'Hli

ii'

•

. . . . .

i : 1

...

eies.... / s ••' ij 1 i! r y i n g a s p e c t o f i h i s r e c o r d is the n a m e i

I..

ill

iO<

I' . l / . l l -I ihl

I '

••••••/

' i i

lil

• e. ; h a s . , el i

: • /

sli

/ei,/i

' / i l l

.. i

... ;• e l s . e . . . . . . Sl'iara i / e l / s

Ramzi

: '

si •

/ . . i e / e u s for

.e. e.

R a k i m ; o n a b a d day!! l

ee/f

T h e s o u n d o f t h e a l b u m is typical West Coast hip-hop, m u c h m o r e fresh

... . " i ,

and o p e n than the clouded NY s o u n d w i t h e x c e l l e n t s c r a t c h d i s p l a y s that a r e not t o o over the top. O f t e n the m e l o d y is b a s i c , l a y e r e d o v e r a n i n t e n s e

beat,

that c a n b e q u i t e i n f e c t i o u s . O v e r a l l t h e p r o d u c t i o n is slick, f r o m t i m e to t i m e t h e sound

c a n b e quality

through and

t h r o u g h , at o t h e r s it is b a s i c . This g i v e s

• '

e e 1 i/ •el ill]

...

1/ an es. . ' el '.

. . . i e ,1 |i Hi. lie I

. i s

Rappl'15 I liii-

I.e./

Jason

Shifting Gears T

Preview: Shifting G e a r s

Mass

b r e a k s (is it m c , or a r c t h e n a m e s o f

Mass

m u s i c g e n r e s g e t t i n g f u c k i n g ridiculous!).

V e n u e : M a s s in B r i x t o n £8 N U S / £10/ £12

A n y w a y , t h e n i g h t starts o n t h e 19th a n d

10pm - 5am

will b e o n t h e third friday of every m o n t h after that. For s t u d e n t s , it'll cost £8, o t h e r w i s e it's £10/£12, a n d y o u c a n

O n Friday 19th February, H a r d H a n d s

buy

a n d O f f s h o o t Records will get t o g e t h e r

y o u r t i c k e t s in a d v a n c e at Atlas R e c o r d s

at M a s s to play s o m e o f t h e b e s t h o u s e ,

(Soho) an d Tag Records, W1.

t e c h n o a n d f u n k a r o u n d in a n e w n i g h t

starts at 1 0 p m a n d finishes at 5 a m . Can't

callled S h i f t i n g G e a r s . R e s i d e n t s o n t h e

b e b a d f o r less t h a n a t e n n e r c a n it?

The fun

n i g h t w i l l i n c l u d e Paul D a l e y ( o f Leftfield f a m e ) , Billy N a s t y a n d N i c k Rapaccioli, a n d t h e y will b e j o i n e d by a h o s t o f o t h e r Djs. T h e v e n u e is M a s s in B r i x t o n , w i t h t h e DJs p l a y i n g a c r o s s t w o r o o m s r o o m 1 will b e host to h o u s e a n d t e c h n o , a n d w i l l f e a t u r e Billy N a s t y a n d

Gurm

Nick

Rapaccioli, a m o n g s t others, whilst r o o m 2 will be playing f u n k a n d superdisco-

Albums

to all t h o s e tracks in full,

O t h e r Day) c o m p i l a t i o n casing the

Various A l b u m s (React R e c o r d s )

t h e , j ; K i r n o! t h e w e e k b u s g o e c •.

: hi

\\\O i

! ' o i n g to h a v e :

;

; i iv, r e l e a s e d

• • •••

i s " 'S

flic*.-

release

• ontpilt

,id

• i

« h .

s I

is S o u n d s f r o m t h e

in pmp

the

album

I tst

•

ll (

bass

Electric

up,

Michael

Axis

contains

were

orginally

unrclcascd

holidav

albums,

s u c h as L a m b i c 5 Poetry, V a r k a p h o n c and

Gong

music. es

Acid.

You

- one

though

particular

someone

track

the

sounds

has w a l k e d

inro a

g i a n t w i n d c h i m e a n d t h e n r e c o r d e d It. T h e rest o f t h e t u n e s a r e n ' t b e t t e r - if anything, ihcy arc worse. give

time a n d time again from o n e of the

that's

It's a c o l l e c t i o n o f s t r a n g e n o i s -

19.

A g r e a t a l b u m , that y o u ' l l listen t o

think

W a i t until y o u ' v e h e a r d

strange?

Including H u m a n a , M e d u s a , Groi h and

it s o m e

sort o f

If I h a d l o

description,

w o u l d say it is a w e i r d c o l l e c t i o n o f

best D J s / p r o d u c c r s . G r e a t if y o u like lis-

chilled-out m e l o d i c s o u n d s .

t e n i n g l o t h e early m u s i c that

w a s to b e h o n e s t - s t r a n g e s o u n d i n g

helped

s h a p e A x i s R e c o r d s a n d Jeff M i l l s .

A n d if I

c r a p . This is s o m e t h i n g for a v e r y s p e cialised

market,

if y o u

wind

c h i m e s a n d d o d g y b e a t s t h e n this is for you.

Slim l y p e s o u n d s , t h e n

>ne o u t . Real I b l z a is a n o t h

I a d v i s e y o u to b u y Jimi T e n o r ' s

Square Pusher presents Budakhan

a l b u m (also o n W a r p R e c o r d s ) i n s t e a d .

M i n d p h o n e E.P.

O u t o n W a r p in M a r c h .

A s l u p i d s o u n d i n g tillc for o n e o f t h e

•

. t i n C a l l e d A d a m , Chris « i . ' n i i n o T c p r e t e (reslclenl DJ at e

alburn lunes

eclec

money

I his k i n d ol

features

umnici

' o OM>ri t

the

i. ii.'.- a n d f r a c t u r e b e a t s t u n e s . If

dieck S;

k n w,

from album

: . : • \ i ii .;•••<•• ii .• \e;\ is ••: 11: -i

I"]

, rsvef

C D , g i v i n g value for

a n d all a r e s u p e r b l y m i x e d .

i • '"s • r .,;.'

The

tracks w h i c h w e r e m a i n l y f e a t u r e d as B-

moments

label.

sides

rlli,

i ' : ' . . -

finest

on each

fcl h a s b e c o m e v e r y p o p u l a r recent-

i vis

I his is a p e r -

a n d t h e f r e c s t y l c r s . T h e r e a r c 15 tracks

Lounge, a mixed selection of electronic

its" , •

(The

sonally c o m p i l e d collection of s o m e of

Record

•

phenomenon.

the

i liar l u r e b r v i l s

:";i

irsjad,

Skool

M o r e o f a h a r d h o u s e a l b u m , it f e a t u r e s

i i'

New

tracks b y B a n c o D c G a i a , DJ Punk-Roc

Next .: •

finally, w e

have the slighty older Jeff Mills

Icalures thai

have

f o l l o w u p to t h e s u c c e s s f u l ' M u s i c is

two

R o t t e d O n e N o t e ' , a n d is a s c r i e s o f

g e l lo listen

r e c o r d e d live tracks w i t h s t u p i d titles

hen.

,iii'

g&r

w e i r d e s t LPs I h a v e e v e r h e a r d . It's t h e

Gurm

Singles

e t '

1996 s a w t h e r e l e a s e o f o n e o f

T ' G o d s p e e d ' (Hybrid mixes)

the

biggest c l u b t u n e s p r o d u c e d - a n u m b e r

t r e n d c o n t i n u e d by this latest s i n g l e f e a -

o n e not o n l y o n t h e d a n c e f l o o r s , b u t in

t u r i n g FVD. l o v e S t i m u l a t i o n w a s P V D ' s

I h e classic p r o g r e s s i v e t u n e g e l s a n o t h e r

t h e charts all o v e r t h e w o r l d . ' C h i l d r e n '

first r e m i x in 1993, a n d h a s finally b e e n

rework from Hybrid.

r o c k e t e d to t h e t o p . a n d s o d i d R o b e r t

r e l e a s e d in t h e U K o n D e v i a n t R e c o r d s .

mixes - the Hybrid D u b a n d the Hybrid

1999 s e c t h e re- rel eas e o f t h i s

A s u p e r b t u n e full of p i a n o s , b r e a k d o w n s

Mix

B o t h sti'

Ihe o r i g i n a l q u i t e w e l l ,

classic t u n e w i t h a m a k e - o v e r f r o m lilt.

a n d m u c h m o r e , it c o m e s w i t h lots o f

t h o u g h have

l e d m o r e bas s a n d a

There are t w o r e m i x e s in t h e f o r m o f t h e

remixes, the best b e i n g the Original M i x

n e w beat

an h e a r f l a s h e s of t h e

C o u r t y a r d t d i t a n d C o u r t y a r d M i x . The;

a n d the PVD C lu b Mi x

original (esp

y t h e s\nths), but t h e

f o r m e r lasts a b o u t 12 m i n u t e s a n d t h e

Out now o n Deviant Records;

mixes

led a

Miles.

latter a b o u t 6 m i n u t e s , b o t h t u r n i n g t h e original tune i n l o a m o r e progressive h o u s e track. T h e o r i g i n a l p is still t h e r e , b u t n o w

have

fabulous

two

new

dimension.

• ••• • •••

thei

beats, s y n t h s . a n d b r e a k d c

James Brown

r e m i x e s s o u n d s i m i l a r , s o il w e e bit r e p e t i t i v e , b u t

There are

'Funk O n

It's

Roll'

(Inferno Records)

tune anyway. Bloody excell D c c o n s t r u c t i o n at t h e

M a s t e r r e t u r n s w i t h this latest s i n g l e

March.

k O n A h Roll'. A g o o d t u n e , featurBrown's legendary vocals, 'Funk O n

• ••••

Roll' c o m e s w i t h s e v e n m i x e s allowthc

track

sound

house,

a g e , s o u l a n d R&B style.

The

est m i x c o m e s f r o m t h e Ruff Driverz, w h o

u s e their trade-

m a r k b e a t o n t o p o f t h e pow -

erful vocals. :

With plenty of

c h o i c e , this is a s i n g l e cov-

e r i n g q u i t e a bit o f

the

dance music spectrum and |

d e f i n i t e l y o n e to w a t c h out

;

for.

• •• •

T h e Light 'Expand t h e J Choons)

A hard-hitting h o u s e from

the

Choons.

people

tune

Elooj

With plenty of bass

t h e track c o m e s w i t h 4

w h i c h d o try t o g i v e it s o m e varicbut o n l y o n e really s t a n d s o u t h e rest.

Three of the mixes s o u n d

practically t h e s a m e , a n d f e a t u r e s o m e strange-sounding vocals, t h o u g h

the

R o n n i e P i l g r e m M i x t a k e s t h e t u n e to a m o r e D&B d i m e n s i o n .

II is a s t r a n g e

Macklife

s o u n d i n g track, w i t h p l e n t y o f b a s s a n d

'Best Friend'

q u i t e a g o o d b e a t , but w i t h t h e m i x e s

(Tuff J a m s )

s o u n d i n g t h e same?, a n d l a s t i n g a n a g e , this is a t u n e that w i l l e n d u p d o i n g

Fairly b o r i n g g a r a g e t u n e . T h e A-side

y o u r h e a d i n , b u t t h e n it w a s a l w a y s

m i x e s aren't t h e best, a n d neither are t h e

g o i n g to b e h a r d to follow' u p to t h e

B-sides really, b u t t h e l u f f J a m s Classic

superb G r e e c e 2000's 'Three

G a r a g e M i x is p a s s a b l e (just!). T h e s e cer-

Drives'.

Best to listen t o t h i s o n e first.

tainly aren't tracks that v o u w i l l b e h u m m i n g d o w n t h e street all d a y .

• • Humate 'Love Stimulation' (Deviant Records) In t h e last f e w y e a r s , P a u l V a n D y k h a s e x p l o d e d o n t o the scene. Everything he d o e s , w h e t h e r it's p r o d u c i n g , r e m i x i n g or DJing, is o f t h e h i g h e s t q u a l i t y a n d flawless. T h e m a n c a n d o n o w r o n g , a

l N a t u r a l F a w n Killers tries to inject a

creatures w i t h the h u n t i n g rifle is Ihe

slight a m o u n t o f h u m o u r into t h e

simplest w a y to get c h o m p e d or

otherwise dead pan hunting game.

s t o m p e d o n yourself. A s far as t h e g r a p h i c s g o at least

U n f o r t u n a t e l y in t h e s a m e w a y t h e

have

3D acceleration

card

National L a m p o o n team attempts to

they

parody A m e r i c a n film genres, NFK

options to produce polygon graph-

h a s h a m m e d it u p t o o m u c h a n d

ics, b u t i n c r e d i b l y u n i n t e r e s t i n g a n d

i n c l u d e d t o o little m e a t . T h e h u n t e r

s i m p l i s t i c p o l y g o n g r o u n d a n d river

g a m e s c a p t u r e d t h e interest o f t h e

graphics. Fven the p o l y g o n animals

British p u b l i c in t h e s a m e w a y a flat-

w e r e not as impressive as could b e

mate's genital warts capture one's

e x p e c t e d . T h e rabbits w e r e v e r y s i m -

interest

- they might well be out

p l e , t h o u g h at least t h e y h a d m a n -

January h a s really b e e n a tad t o o q u i d for

there but y o u sure didn't want to expe -

a g e d to d r a w a n d a n i m a t e a f a w n w i t h

The only other saving grace was the

this r e v i e w e r . P e r h a p s S i m C i t y 3 0 0 0 a n d

rience the pain o f even seeing t h e m .

a little m o r e d e t a i l , t h o u g h it d o e s l o o k

c o m p l e t e lack o f a m a d e u p story. N o

r e m a r k a b l y like B a m b i in a p p e a r a n c e .

p r e t e n t i o n o f a q u e s t or a task, just a s i m -

A l p h a C e n t u r i w i l l b e in t h e s h o p s b y t h e

To play t h e h u n t i n g g a m e s p r o p e r l y

t i m e that this r e v i e w hits t h e l e c t u r e t h e -

r e q u i r e d t h e player t o d o v e r y little f o r

T h e s o u n d is o n t h e s a m e

level; for

ple s h o o t i n g g a m e . Unfortunately e v e n

atre, b u t apart f r o m t h e s e s m a l l b r i g h t

most o f the time. Stalking a n d m a k i n g

m o v e m e n t t h e r e is t h e c h o i c e o r e i t h e r

this c a n n o t really c o m p e n s a t e f o r w h a t

lights t h e o n l y c r e a t u r e s s t a l k i n g t h e

a n i m a l n o i s e s a p c a r s t o pretty m u c h s u m

c r u n c h y leaf, c r u n c h y g r o u n d or s l o s h i n g

is a v e r y p o o r g a m e . W h a t e v e r y o u d o

g a m e s h o p s h a v e b e e n c o m p i l a t i o n s or

u p m o s t o f it. N F K is m u c h m o r e inter-

water sounds.

w o r s e still, t h e B G a m e . N a t u r a l

fawn

e s t n g f o r t h e first f e w m i n u t e s , b u t t h e

Despite l o a t h i n g most o f this g a m e

Killers h a s B g a m e w r i t t e n all d o w n its

simplicity a n d l i m i t e d n a t u r e o f t h e g a m e

namesly the simplistic g a m c p l a y , the

b e w o r t h it - e s p e c i a l l y if it's c o l d , far

spine.

p l a y s o o n b r i n g y o u r interest levels b a c k

graphics and the sound there

a w a y , or y o u h a v e t o actually h a v e to p a y

f o l l o w i n g t h e b e a t e n trail that D e e r ,

to c a t a t o n i c . F o r g e t h a v i n g t o stalk t h e

things w h i c h w e r e slighly better. Th e

Duck a n d Grizzly Hunter have stalked,

prey, this is m u c h m o r e like a D o o m sit-

h u m o u r , t h o u g h sick, c ar r i e s t h e g a m e

d o n o t b u y this g a m e , a n d e v e n t h e

were

uation - run things d o w n a n d shoot

for a f e w m i n u t e s . S h o o t i n g crea-

at s h o r t r a n g e . T h e r e is a t e l e s c o p i c

t u r e s at c l o s e r a n g e p r o d u c e s a o r t i c

l e n s o p t i o n o n t h e h u n t i n g rifle f o r

s pu r t s o f b l o o d , o r if y o u g e t a g o o d

s n i p i n g at c r e a t u r e s , b o t h b i g a n d

e n o u g h shot o n the smaller ani-

s m a l l , t h o u g h this is m o s t l y a w a s t e

m a l s a n instant d e c a p i t a t i o n - n o w

from

I t o l d y o u it w a s sick. T h e r e is a l s o

d i s t a n c e s h o u l d b e w h a t this g a m e

t h e ability t o w a s t e a s e r i e s o f s m a l l

is a b o u t . U n f o r t u n a t e l y smaller c r e a -

furry a n d l a r g e scaly c r e a t u r e s u s i n g

of time. S h o o t i n g creatures

t u r e s s e e m t o i g n o r e y o u until y o u

not o n l y a h u n t i n g rifle, b u t g a t t l i n g

get almost close e n o u g h to s t o m p

guns, grenade

o n t h e m rather t h a n s c a r p e r a w a y .

r o c k e t l a u n c h e r s . Rabbit p r o b l e m s .

A s f o r a t t e m p t i n g t o t a k e o n larger

Just d r o p a b o m b n e a r t h e m .

w a l k t o your local rental outlet might not

lor it. Gary S

launchers - even

d d

y without

W i t h Civ, t h e o t h e r s t r a t e g y g a m e that

a n y t h i n g like t h e s u c c e s s

pretty m u c h h a s b e e n b u r n t o n t o t h e

though

usually

b a c k o f t h e r e t i n a is t h e Simcity s e r i e s .

e n j o y e d in t h e m o v i e s .

So Sid is a b o u t t o g i v e

T h e o r i g i n a l S i m c i t y w a s a g a m e (hat

birth t o C i v i l i z a t i o n 3, or

a l m o s t a n y o n e c o u l d play, t h o u g h f e w

b e c a u s e o f h i s split w i t h

really m a s t e r e d . T h e s e q u e l Simcity 2000

Microprose, Alpha Centuri

w a s a s t e p f o r w a r d b o t h in g r a p h i c s a n d

( M i c r o p r o s e kept t h e rights

i n v o l v e m e n t , but w a s m u c h easier to

to t h e C i v n a m e ) . Set o n

master. S o o n e x c i t e m e n t w a s o n l y f o u n d

the

first

colony

in p l a y i n g g o d a n d r a i n i n g d i s a s t e r s

o u t in

d o w n o n N e w Coventry.

space - the peaceful end-

Simcity 3000 h a s extra complexity

i n g t o Civ a n d Civ 2, w h e r e Sid M e i e r h a s g e n e r a l l y h a d t h e M i d a s

y o u t a k e c o m m a n d o f o n e o f m a n y fac-

the planet - either by d i p l o m a c y , by

and improved graphics. W e can h o p e

t o u c h in p r o d u c i n g s t r a t e g y g a m e s . Civ-

tions of the original colony ship a n d

ecomonically out producing your o p p o -

that t h e d i f i c u l t y level is c o r r e c t e d .

ilization a n d Civ 2 w e r e r e s p o n s i b l e for

a t t e m p t t o l e a d t h e m to d o m i n a t i o n o f

nents, or by o l d f a s h i o n e d g e n o c i d e .

the loss o f m i l l i o n s o f w o r k a n d h o m e

Expect heavily r e v a m p e d

hours throughout the western world.

and the inclusion of a custom w e a p o n

graphics, Al

Their f r i da y a f t e r n o o n p r o j e c t s M a s t e r s

platform editor.

o f O r i o n a n d M O O 2 w e r e less p e r f e c t ,

Best o f all, t h e r e is a n i n t e r n e t server

c o n t a i n e d s o m e n i c e t o u c h e s in that

based multiplayer option. N o w y o u can

your offensive a n d defensive w e a p o n s

attempt to plot your w a y to the t o p

c o u l d b e m o d i f i e d , s o a f l e e t o f fast,

a g a i n s t o r g a n i c , i n t e l l i g e n c e . T i m e t o test

lightly a r m e d s h i p s c o u l d a t t e m p t t o

p l a n s o f g l o b a l d o m i n a t i o n o n t h e rest o f

t a k e o n a h e a v i l y a r m e d d e a t h star -

the world.

iCU

FOOTBALL LSEV4-4ICV

C & G FOOTBALL

l e d to a n o w n g o a l . Yet a n o t h e r h e a d e r

FENCING

CIvEng 14 (approx) -1 M e c h E n g

g a v e LSL a 4-3 l e a d w i t h 20 m i n u t e s to

This w a s t h e t e a m that h a d t h r a s h e d u s

g o , a n d A d r i a n "lofty b a s t a r d " M c f a r l a n e

A m a k e s h i f t t e a m o f last m i n u t e v o l u n -

7-1 w a y b a c k in O c t o b e r in o u r first g a m e

t o o k a bit o f t i m e t o r e c o v e r f r o m a h a r d

t e e r s f r o m civil e n g i n e e r i n g

of the season, so the return g a m e

was

hit f o o t b a l l in t h e b o l l o c k s b r a v e l y b l o c k -

t h e m s e l v e s in g l o r y g i v i n g t h e s c u m m y

ing a shot. We then feared than N i m a

m e c h a n i c a l s a g o o d d r u b b i n g . By g u t s ,

a n o t h e r 8 g o a l thriller - this t i m e e n d i n g

m i g h t n e e d his l e g a m p u t a t e d o n t h e

d e t e r m i n a t i o n , skill a n d incisive f i n i s h i n g ,

all s q u a r e .

field o f play, but it t u r n e d o u t to b e a tiny

n o t to m e n t i o n t h e f o r e s i g h t to w e a r

i o n , just a b o u t m a n a g i n g l o s e e

g r a z e o n his k n e e - c u n n i n g d e l a y i n g tac-

b o o t s i n s t e a d o f trainers in m u d d y c o n -

through the Cardiff.

a b i g m a t c h - a n d t u r n e d out to

W i t h JP still s i d e l i n e d w i t h a n i n j u r e d f i n g e r , a n d M a r k v o w i n g n e v e r to

covered

g M o ' s b r e e c h e s c o n t i n u e d in t r u e f a s h him

IC v i c t o r y o f 18-9 o v e r

tics w h e n a g o a l b e h i n d , N i m a . . . B u t still

d i t i o n s , Ihe civ lis s h o w e d that they a r e

stand-in G o a l i e a g a i n after S a t u r d a y , Stu

n o t w o r r i e d , IC c a m e b a c k a g a i n w i t h a

t h e t e a m to b e a t in this 5-a-side l e a g u e .

f r o m the 4ths played for us t o d a y - but

f a n t a s t i c g o a l s c o r e d by C h r i s "Lazy Git"

T h e art o f r u n n i n g c i r c l e s r o u n d

w a s totally shit for t h e first g o a l for LSI; -

Frazcr after great w o r k by T o m " W h e n h e

o p p o s i t i o n h a s rarely b e e n m o r e e f f i -

t h e y o u n g p r e t e n d e r s 7-2. A n e x c e l l e n t

a w e a k shot from the e d g e of the box

s h o w s u p " Lovell o n t h e right.

ciently a c c o m p l i s h e d . Chris a n d

p e r f o r m a n c e f r o m o u r foilists, this g a v e

s o m e h o w g o i n g u n d e r his h a n d

the

Brad

W i t h o u r foil u p first, a full t e a m for a c h a n g e , w e m a n a g e d t o easily d e f e a t

and

So, 4-4, a n d a g r e a t f i g h t i n g a w a y

b o t h b a g g e d hat tricks, o t h e r s m a y h a v e

us t h e r e q u i r e d i m p e t u s t o d e f e a t t h e

tricklin g i n t o t h e net. R e e l i n g f r o m this

p o i n t f o r IC V's - Let's w i n all o u r g a m e s

as w e l l b u l w e lost c o u n t . E v e n y o u r s

Cardiff t e a m .

b a d start, a n d f r o m s o m e t e r r i b l e refer-

f o r t h e rest o f t h e s e a s o n b o y s !

truly g o t a g o a l , m y first for t h r e e y e a r s !

e e i n g d e c i s i o n s , IC c a m e b a c k w e l l , a n d

O f c o u r s e , w e h a d to a l l o w t h e m

w e r e s o o n level t h a n k s t o N i m a (I'm t o o

)

g o o d for t h e Sths) r o l l i n g t h e ball t o T o m -0 t o t h e b l a c k & w h i t e s ) W a l k e r

Sabre

next,

and

one

T h o r s t c n w o r k i n g in t o p gear, m a n a g e d

c o n s o l a t i o n g o a l , a n d to b e fair t h e y

to w i n all t h e i r m a t c h e s w i t h e a s e , a n d

w e r e g r e a t s p o r t s , their h e a d s

the

never

Dave "Capl'n

addition of

Phill"

w e n t d o w n - a n d most of their t e a m

H u g h e s , h e l p u s w i n 7-2. G i v i n g us the v i c t o r y w i t h a n e n t i r e w e a p o n in h a n d .

yards out, w h o d i s p a t c h e d a n u n s t o p -

FOOTBALL

w e r e w e a r i n g trainers. I'm s u r e they'll b e

p a b l e s h o t past t h e i r k e e p e r .

England 0 - 2 France

k e e n t o g e t t h e i r o w n b a c k in t h e civil v

Epee began well, with Nigel "Old

mechanical rugby match o n Sunday 28lh

G e e z e r " D a v i c s m a n a g i n g to m a k e it for

F e b . W e say ' c o m e o n t h e n ! '

a first t e a m s e s s i o n f o r a c h a n g e . G i v e n

Play f o o t b a l l for y o u r d e p a r t m e n t ; a s k

w e a p o n , a 4-5 d e f e a t w a s n o t s o b a d

Generally crappy performance

But o u r r e c o r d o f h a v i n g o n e o f t h e

from

shortest t e a m s ever s e e n s o o n p r o v e d a

E n g l a n d a n d t h e A r s e n a l ( p t u i , ptui)

p r o b l e m against a t e a m w i t h strikers

back three.

twice o u r h e i g h t , a n d f r o m a c o r n e r t h e y

Let A n e l k a s c o r e t w o .

scored again, 2

required urgently.

that New

manager

y o u r yea r r e p a b o u t g e t t i n g i n t o a t e a m .

H a v i n g s c o r e d his first IC g o a l , T o m t h e n s t r u c k a g a i n w i t h a brilliant f r e e

CRICKET: 1st O n e - d a y f i n a l

Civ

A u s t r a l i a 232/8

(friendly)

t i m e , LSE w e r e 3-2 u p after a n o t h e r c o r -

E n g a l n d 222 ( w e r e 194/4)

ner w a s h e a d e d in, but t h e V's n e v e r sur-

Generally crappy performance

render, a n d it w a s 3-3 after great p r e s s u r e

England, throwing away w i n n i n g posi-

f r o m o u r c a p t a i n , A n d y "Let's w i n " C h i v a

t i o n . Still t h i n k t h e y ' l l w i n W o r l d C u p .

from

TELL ABOUT TUES

R E T A I L I N G

5 . 3 0

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H A L L

E N T S

ICU

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U B S

WELCOME

C o m m e n t s a r e

D I N I N G

A N D 17TH

& i n

s u g g e s t i o n s a l l

our

team's

weakest

( e s p e c i a l l y as o u r b e s t Epeeist c o u l d n ' t m a k e it for t h e e n d o f t h e m a t c h ! ) .

kick, o v e r a n d r o u n d t h e w a l l . By h a l f

ICU

Lpee

o u t l e t s

l e a f l e t s

N O W .

Eng

Mech 28th

UVWXYZ[\]WVUWV^ k V_XZ]`YX`\]WVUWV^ k

Lng

rugby

match

February. (mechanicals) (civils)

Email or

A g o o d p e r f o r m a n c e all r o u n d , n o w leaving only one

round between

F e n c i n g C l u b a n d t h e B U S A finals. C

-9

1 G

Y C

of purple helmet!

At t h e half t i m e b r e a k

: Having c o n q u e r e d London with i m p r e s s i v e victories a g a i n s t U M D S (6-0),

M r T p o i n t e d o u t that t h e first S m i n u t e s O u r first m i s t a k e w a s g i v i n g t h e w h i s t l e

of t h e s e c o n d half w o u l d b e t h e most

IC ski t e a m w e n t t o participate in t h e 2 n d

KCL (5-1), Royal H o l l o w a y (4-2) a n d U C H

to t h e only bloke o n t h e pitch with a

i m p o r t a n t . Foolishly w e a l l o w e d t h e m t o

Huskis race series.

For m o s t t h e r a c e

(6-0), IC M e n ' s T e n n i s T e a m w a s r e a d y

w h i t e s t i c k this s c h o o l b o y error w a s p u n -

score with a spawny deflection sending

w e n t w e l l , t h e e x c e p t i o n b e i n g t h e pr e s -

for t h e c h a l l e n g e a g a i n s t C o v e n t r y in t h e

ished by a n early pen alt y flick b e i n g

a cross into t h e t o p corner.

ident o f the t e a m .

n a t i o n a l s t a g e o f B U S A . T h i n g s s t art e d

a w a r d e d against us. T h e shear

H e fell, b r a v e l y g o t

up, a n d continued.

power

S o o n afterwards Leicester's s e c o n d

a n d a c c u r a c y o f t h e flick n e a r l y d e f e a t e d

w a s in f r o m a breakaway goal, m a k i n g

Unfortuantely he

h a d lost a lot o f t i m e .

Fate h a d it that

badly.

Coventry n o . 1 (former

British

u n d e r 1 n u m b e r 15) d e s t r o y e d o u r c a p W e w e r e 2-0 d o w n

t h e cat-like a g i l i t y o f R e d H e l m e t , w h o

a w a y extremel y difficult especially d u e

h e f i n s i h e d just b e h i n d t h e p r e s i d e n t o f

tain Julien.

c l a w e d it o u t o f t h e c e n t r e o f t h e g o a l b y

to Blue Underpants a n d N o d d y b e i n g

U C L ski club (a w o m a n a n d n o t a brilliant

Mark's losing performance.

s t a n d i n g still.

sent off.

after

However,

It w a s later

o u r t w o m a g i c m e d i c s ( H a n i a n d Jon)

d e f e n c e w e f o u n d it v e r y difficult t o c r e -

a n n o u n c e d that s h e w a s s a t i s f i e d w i t h

p u l l e d t h e s c o r e b a c k t o 2-2 after t w o

with the most a s t o u n d i n g g o a l s c o r e d

a t e a s c o r i n g c h a n c e a n d a l t h o u g h 2-1

her performance, but f o u n d h i m lacking

g r i p p i n g t h r e e setters.

T h e rest o f t h e h a l f s a w

w a s a d i s a p p o i n t i n g result t h e o p p o s i t i o n

in m a n y a r e a s , i n c l u d i n g k e e p i n g erect.

d o w n a n d t h e lig h ts c a m e on,- it w a s

p r o b a b l y d e s e r v e d it.

N o t a b l e results f r o m O l i v e r M a n n (3rd

time for the doubles.

s n o w b o a r d ) a n d G a r e t h Hail (15th all

C o v e n t r y h a d g o n e , IC w a s o u t .

Pink G a s h o p e n e d t h e s c o r i n g f o r IC this s e a s o n .

h o c k e y very unlike t h e f l o w i n g love j u i c e s

skier by a n y s t a n d a r d s .

With Leicester p a c k i n g their

The sun came A n h o u r later,

categories).

o 2 Yes, it's t r u e .

With minutes to go, the s u n broke

T h e w e e k e n d o f t h e 6/7th F e b r u a r y

: IC p l a y e d a g a i n s t S t a f f o r d -

through the clouds, reflected off the

s a w t h e ski c l u b d o a total o f 30 h o u r s

s h i r e U n i v e r s i t y a n d easily w o n 4 - 2 .

M e d a l l i o n of Joy a n d temporarily blinded

of bus to reach sunny, s n o w y A v i e m o r e

T h e first m a t c h in l e a g u e e n d e d p o s i -

Stout Stout, a l l o w i n g t h e 2 n d s c u m ( h o w

(North Scotland).

T o b e h o n e s t , it w a s

tively a l t h o u g h at t h e b e g i n n i n g it w a s

r u d e ! ) t o slip t h r o u g h a n d s l i d e o n e past

c o l d , b l i z z a r d a n d icy b u t t h e r e

Pete T o n g , w h o w a s unfortunately busy

details (except that races w e r e

T h e glory days are here

a g a i n as t h e D i s c o S q u a d s e e o f f t h e s e c -

were

n o t c e r t a i n a s t o w h e t h e r all t h e players

can-

w o u l d r e a c h t h e d e s t i n a t i o n , Stoke-on-

o n d s a n d carry o n a l o n g t h e trail, w h i c h

m i x i n g his e s s e n t i a l s e l e c t i o n at t h e t i m e .

celled). Overall, a g o o d time w a s h a d .

Trent t h a n k s t o t h e a m a z i n g e f f i c i e n c y

o n l y h e r o s d a r e t o t r e a d . W e a r e in t h e

But t h e D i s c o S q u a d w a s u n b o w e d , a n d

T h a n k y o u t o all t h o s e w h o m a d e t h e

of Staffordshire

semi-final o f t h e U L U c u p . C o m e o n t h e

L a g e r L a g e r b r o k e d o w n t h e left w i n g ,

ef f ort t o c o m e s o far t o race f o r IC.

g i v e n d e t a i l s o f t h e m a t c h o n t h e pre-

Boys!

s h o w e d a bit o f fire a n d t h e rest o f t h e

If a n y o n e is i n t e r e s t e d in s k i i n g , m a i l

vious day.

This victory w a s h a r d - w o n , w r e n c h e d

b o y s s a w that it w a s t h e w a y f o r w a r d . 2

from the jaws of defeat. The g a m e w a s

m i n u t e s later w e w e r e s l a p p i n g t h e ball

k or

University w h o had

3 o u t o f 4 s i n g l e s e n d e d in f a v o u r

Tristan

Ranger

of Imperial a n d a d o u b l e h a d to be

predictably b o i l i n g over with passion,

a b o u t in t h e i r D, C h o p p e r s w o o p e d i n

c o u r a g e a n d T o m ' s b u t t c h e e k s , w i t h play

a n d t h e b o y o f j o y m a d e it 1 - 1 . T o p

h a d t o l e a v e early. N o n e t h e l e s s , M a r i a

thrusting back a n d forth faster

Banana!

and Alessia thrashed the adversary c o u -

than

C a s a n o v a after h e ' s h a d a lick o f V i a g r a .

A n d so penalties w e r e to decide

The Disco b o y s put t h e fear o f t h e S u n

w h o w a s to c o n t i n u e o n t h e path o f

M e d a l l i o n i n t o t h e s e c o n d s in t h e first

glory, a n d w h o w a s t o b e c o n s i g n e d t o

half, a p p y l i n g c o n s t a n t p r e s s u r e a n d

t h e d e p t h s o f d e r i s i o n a n d g e n e r a l piss

attacking verve.

The half e n d e d score-

taking. Top marks must g o to our goalie

less, h o w e v e r , a n d after t h e b r e a k , t h e

P e t e T o n g , w h o d i s p l a y e d flair a n d

g i v e n a w a y b e c a u s e o n e o f o u r players

p l e w i t h 6-1 6-2 in less t h a n 1 h o u r . T h a n k s t o all t h o s e w h o p l a y e d .

set u p s o m e sort o f i n c e n t i v e s c h e m e ,

but I k n o w that will o n l y e n d u p w i t h m e

2nds f o u g h t back with r e n e w e d vigour.

panache

T h e D i s c o B o y s sturdy d e f e n c e h e l d f i r m ,

C a s a n o v a , B a p s a n d F a b i o all s c o r e d ,

Yes, it's m e a g a i n , yo u r friendly sports e d .

e g g e d o n by t h e d r u k e n m e s s o f drib-

w i t h T h e S u n d a n c e Kid a n d Indian Cow-

You m a y be w o n d e r i n g w h y I a m talking

b l i n g a n d e a g e r w o m e n that w e k n o w

pat C a t e g o r y s e t t l i n g f o r m o r a l v i c t o r i e s .

t o y o u . W e l l , a p p a r e n t l y v e r y little s p o r t

dark r o o m for a c o u p l e o f w e e k s to

a n d love as t h e Disco Diva's.

T h e 2 n d s o n l y m a n a g e d t o slip o n e past

w a s p l a y e d this w e e k .

r e c o v e r f r o m t h e stress o f t y p i n g u p a n d

our mighty T o n g a n d s o must b o w out

s e e m f r o m t h e n u m b e r o f m a t c h reports

l a y i n g o u t t h e s e p a g e s , s o next w e e k

as h o n o u r a b l e losers.

that I h a v e r e c e i v e d .

t h e s e p a g e s will b e in t h e c a p a b l e h a n d s

Extra T i m e e n s u e d , a n d a g a i n t h e play f l o w e d b a c k a n d f o r t h , b o t h s i d e s

a n d also

saved

2 p-flicks.

c o m p o s i n g a t t a c k after c u n n i n g attack.

C O M E O N T H E T H I R D S ARE G O I N G ALL

At t i m e s t h e g a m e b e c a m e m o r e art

T H E W A Y , BABY! N i c e .

buying drinks for t h e sports teams, a n d

O r s o it w o u l d

T h e s e p a g e s a r e set a s i d e f o r t h e s p o r t s t e a m s t o s u b m i t articles o n t h e i r

m y w a l l e t is n o t that d e e p . Anyway,

I'm o f f t o lie d o w n in a

s o m e o n e e l s e . That r e m i n d s m e ,

if a n y o n e e l s e o u t t h e r e is i n t e r e s t e d in

t h a n s p o r t , m o r e s y m p h o n y t h a n arse-

t e a m ' s a d v e n t u r e s . It w o u l d b e g o o d t o

h e l p i n g m e d o t h e s e pages, feel free to

kicking session.

receive m o r e regular reports, especially

c o n t a c t m e / t h e Felix o f f i c e .

^. f r o m t h e 1st t e a m s .

I a m t e m p t e d to

d Tues 16

M o n 15 CAG:

Tools

for

Self Retail

Focus

G r o u p Bars F o c u s G r o u p M e e t - A d m i n

Reliance, B a s e m e n t o f M e e t i n g - U D H

ing-dB's

Focus

Sat 20

Fri 19

Thurs 18

Wed 17

G r o u p Bust-a-gut

Comedy

dBs

Meeting - UDH

Beit Q u a d Sabbatical Hustings Environmental Society- Charing Cross

S a b b a t i c a l H u s t i n g s - St C A G : S o u p R u n , B a s e - U t o p i a - ICU Mary's

STA Q u i z N i g h t Sabbatical

ment

Kitchen, Weeks

Hall

Physics LT2 Hustings - DaVinci's

C l u b XS, ICU, FREE m Cocktail Night, DaVinci's m

dB's C A G : S o u p Run, Basement Hall

Kitchen, Weeks

Sun 21

S C

e t h e m in 10

It w a s c o l d , w i n d y a n d their p i t c h w a s

minutes, Highlander a n d G o n a d s m a d e

w i d e r t h a n it w a s l o n g . I h e m a g n i f i c e n t

Scoring 3 goals between

sure that G K T didn't k n o w w h a t hit t h e m .

7 trekked to W y e (near s o m e

dodgy

For t h e third yea r in a r o w , ICUs Basket -

A lot o f t h i n g s n e e d t o b e i m p r o v e d if IC

Somehow the medics w o k e up a n d got

c h a n n e l t u n n e l rail link... s o w h y d o C o l -

ball t e a m q u a l i f i e d for t h e last 16 o f B U S A .

are t o w i n their s e c o n d knock-out away

past B a l d r i c h a n d M i r a n d a a n d m a n -

l e g e w a n t this f a r m i n g c o l l e g e exactly?)

G r e e n w i c h , r a n k e d s e c o n d in t h e B U S A

t o O x f o r d B r o o k e s . T h e i n c l u s i o n o f Ste-

a g e d to r u n i n t o ' k e e p e r Flo g i v i n g t h e m

a n d f a c e d a n o p p o s i t i o n s q u a d o f 12.

S o u t h W e s t D i v i s i o n , w a s far f r o m a

f a n o B o n d i , a n e w 2 . 0 5 m c e n t e r , in t h e

a penalty. T h e y p u t in a n o t h e r a n d IC sat

m a t c h f o r t h e IC m e n ' s b a s k e t b a l l t e a m .

s q u a d , a s w e l l a s t h e return o f Elias 11 lad Is after a t w o - w e e k a b s e n c e d u e t o illness

wondered

if w e c o u l d d o it. W e

d o w n at h a l f t i m e t o s o m e talk o n tac-

thought w e could. And w e did. Going a

For t h e first knock-out o f t h e B U S A C h a m -

tics f r o m c a p t a i n Slave. B a c k t o t h e p i t c h

g o a l d o w n k i c k e d us w h e r e it hurt a n d

p i o n s h i p , IC, w i t h o u t p e r f o r m i n g w e l l ,

promise significant strengthening o f the

a n d still 3-2 u p , w e c o n c e d e d a n o t h e r ,

IC f a c e d t h e ball as n o o t h e r t e a m c o u l d .

o n l y h a d p r o b l e m s for a b o u t 2 0 ' . E v e n

t e a m n e a r t h e b a s k e t . If at least s o m e o f t h e g u a r d s c a n h a v e a g o o d d a y in

and then another 6 m i n u t e s f r o m time...

H i g h l a n d e r s c o r e d 4 a n d Louise stuck

t h o u g h a h o m e m a t c h , t h e tie h a d t o b e

w o u l d this n i g h t m a r e n e v e r e n d ? 2 m i n -

o n e in f o r g o o d m e a s u r e . . . . W y e lost it

p l a y e d at t h e U n i o n g y m o f Q u e e n M a r y

O x f o r d o n W e d n e s d a y , IC h a v e a g o o d

utes later s o m e b e a u t i f u l p l a y f r o m G i n -

a n d r e s o r t e d t o h a c k i n g t h e IC c a p t a i n

as t h e r e w a s n o c o u r t a v a i l a b l e t o IC f o r

c h a n c e t o b e in t h e B U S A f i n a l s for t h e

ger

a n d h e r star players d o w n in f r u s t r a t i o n .

a W e d n e s d a y fixture. The m a t c h s t a r t e d

first t i m e e v e r . It w i l l b e t h e p r e f e c t a n d

C a n w e p o s s i b l y l o s e in o u r n e w kit...?

w i t h IC t a k i n g a s m a l l l e a d o f 4-8 p o i n t s .

w e l l - d e s e r v e d r e w a r d for t h e t e a m m e m -

played

the

ball

through

H i g h l a n d e r w h o a pt l y s w u n g it o v e r t h e

However,

GKT d e f e n c e t o G o n a d s , w h o t h e n vol-

lyed h o m e . Their ref t h e n d e c i d e d that

the b a d r e b o u n d record of

the forwards and the l o w percentages of

bers a n d t h e effort they put t h r o u g h o u t t h e year.

the guards a l l o w e d G r e e n w i c h to finish

as w e w e r e a t t a c k i n g it w o u l d b e a g o o d

t h e half a h e a d (32-29). A s s o o n as t h e

FOOTBALL

time to b l o w the whistle.

s e c o n d half s t art e d IC t i g h t e n e d their

S a t u r d a y 6th F e b

Extra t i m e y i e l d e d n o t h i n g , a n d a

defence,

IC I

3-0

GOLD I

t h e next r o u n d o f B U S A . S l a v e s t e p p e d

LSE III

2-1

IC II

u p first a n d h a d a s h o t s a v e d .

SS/S c a n e • IC IIIc l a i m a w a l k o v e r

penatly shoot-out s t o o d b e t w e e n u s a n d

Louise

even

though

the

offence

r e m a i n e d p r o b l e m a t i c . T h e result w a s

It h a s b e e n b r o u g h t t o m y attention that

that a d i f f e r e n c e o f a b o u t t e n p o i n t s

last w e e k s IC III v I C S M III h o c k e y m a t c h

w a s next a n d hit t h e b a c k o f t h e n e t bril-

STG

6-2

IC IV

w a s s e c u r e d a n d this w a s t o r e m a i n until

d i d n o t t a k e p l a c e , a n d as s u c h , t h e

liantly. B a l d r i c h hit h o m e as w e l l a n d w e

ICV

1-2

SBLH II

t h e e n d , d e s p i t e t h e last-minute e f f o r t s

report w a s f a k e d .

w o n 3-1 after I lo s a v e d 2 o f t h e i r s h o t s .

ICVI

5-0

G O L D IV

by t h e G r e e n w i c h g u a r d s . In the average-

I a m not a m u s e d . A p o l o g i e s to ICSM.

Last 16 h e r e w e c o m e . . . !

Wye

1-5

IC L a i d e s

to-bad g e n e r a l p e r f o r m a n c e o f IC, S a s a

A l s o a p o l o g i e s t o t h e f o o t b a l l firsts f o r

W e d n e s d a y 10th F e b

Bjelogrlic, A d a m W i n t o n a n d the C a p t a i n ,

not m a k i n g their h e a d l i n e b i g e n o u g h

LSEV

4-4

T h e o d o r e M o u r o u t i s o f f e r e d , in c o m -

IC Ladies

3-1

ICV

Gus

parison, the m o r e reliable solutions.

GTK

by G n a t C h u m I

• • •

Post o f f i c e h a s t h r e e p o i n t s t o t a k e

u p after Q u e e n ' s d u b i o u s a n s w e r . (8)

N a t i o n a l i t y a s s o c i a t e d w i t h l a g e r . (6)

R o c k f a c e d i s f i g u r e m e n t . (4)

Support for b r o k e n limb

attached

D o c t o r , I h a v e a m b i t i o n . (5)

N e r v o u s a b o u t a place for missiles? (7)

sugar

o r d e r e d in

15 T r u e d i g at g i v i n g t h a n k s . (9)

16 R o u n d v e h i c l e o n e d g e . (9)

17 Plastic a c c o u n t a l i e n i n g e s t e d . (7)

19 Frank s o u n d s like t h e c o n t r o l e r . (5)

18 Y o u t h in i m a g i n a t i o n ? (7)

21 D o i n g e x e r c i s e o n t h e s t r e e t is a

20 T a k e p h o t o a r o u n d hall o f s e x u a l l y s u g g e s t i v e n a t u r e . (7)

where

priests live. (10)

i n g a m o o s e ? (4) 27 B a c k 'yes' t o E R M n o n s e n s e ?

Rather

g e t o n ferry t o g e t o v e r it. (6) 28 I O . D., s e e n by o l d i e s . N o t w o r t h m u c h realy. (3,5)

1 P l a s t e r i n g 2 Street 3 I n s i g n i a

15 Installations 18 A g o n i s e d 20 N i m i t z

9 A c k n o w l e d g i n g 14 Positively 16 Sun-

22 I learse 24 Illusive 25 W a t e r tight 26 Lull

d r i e s 19 Siesta 23 E d a m

22 Exams in cast France, in back street. (5) 24 V a n d a l o u s b e h a v i o u r ?

performed

26 Student s o u n d s u n t r u e w h e n d e s c r i b -

4 G a l o r e 5,21 I d i d it t o m y s e l f 6 Fair

W h a t I d i d w i t h t h e p a p e r is a tidier m e s s . (1,4,2)

c o u n t r y . (4,6)

13 O n e - s t e p s

14 F o u r t e a s w i t h

25 R a p s e a s o n g

12 B e a t e n

Actor's instruction f r o m theatre rig g e n t s . (5,5.5)

23 Beast w r o t e T m A l a n ' o n p l a c e in

11 O r d e r s

K n o c k b a c k g i n most of t h e dark

13 A l o u d s h u d d e r f r o m part o f a c o w . (5)

p a i n . (4)

Navy. (4)

F r e n c h t o w n . (9)

A c r o s s : 7 Clot 8 N e a r a n d far 10 A s t e r i s k

t o e x e r c i s e right t o g e t

h o u r s . (5)

w i t h r e e d , b e i n g badly s h a t t e r e d . (10) 12 J e a l o u s y o f E d w a r d a n d m o s t o f t h e

Important

f a s i o n a b l c in m a r q u e e . (9)

10 Cease frivolity in places, e g our sites. (3,7) II

D r u g s o n t h e c o v e r ? G e t a w a y ! (7)

o u r b o y . (5)

Sounds