http://www.felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1999/1999_1154_A by Ravi Pall

1999 : e 1154

pass with Europlines

Sports Centre finally given Go-Ahead GARETH

MORGAN

The College's p l a n n e d sports c e n tre

development

has

material f o r the sports hall, as well

that the c o n s t r u c t i o n w o u l d c a u s e .

minimise

ICU

dents

other details to b e confirmed

funding for the project.

later. These

finally

is a l s o c o n c e r n e d a b o u t t h e

changes

should not

the disruption

a n dclubs

ties.

to stu-

using the facili-

Potential users of the sports

"Part o f t h e c o s t is b u d g e t e d t o

centre

paid

f o r by t h e 'release' o f

their requirements f o r space a n d

G y m [the r e a l l o c a t i o n

t i m e , with t h e a i m o f m a x i m i s i n g

a r e currently

discussing

greatly affect the b u d g e t o r time

from the City of L o n d o n a n d West-

scale of the building work,

Southside

minster C o u n c i l .

is d u e t o start i n E a s t e r a n d last

of t h e s p a c e ] , a n d there's a l s o a

the

approximately

plan

facility to b o t h students a n d s o c i -

received

planning

The large

plans,

sports

permission

which

hall,

include

climbing

wall,

gymand accommoda-

aerobics

t i o n , a l l built o n t o p o f the existing sports

building,

centre

approved

at a p l a n n i n g

14 October.

conditional

were

modifica-

tions, including c h a n g i n g the roof

h a d been

months.

concern

to 'rationalise'

the sports

benefit

of the

new

grounds," M r Trailor said.

halt

s u g g e s t s t h a t t h e y [Estates] p l a n t o

t h e p l a n s ; this h a s b e e n t h e f a t e o f

sell T e d d i n g t o n , b u t t h e f i g u r e o n

several p r o p o s a l s in recent years.

t h e b u d g e t is m o r e t h a n T e d d i n g -

nor Frank M u r r a y , the Sports C e n -

ton's v a l u e . "

tre

ICU's Deputy President and

Societies),

(Clubs

T i m Trailor, w a s

added

that

the

"That

potential

that

protests f ro m residents w o u l d

meeting

Approval was

o n several

There

eighteen

which

Union

eties. Unfortunately

neither

Manager,

were

s p e a k t o Felix.

available

W e hope to bring

pleased at the news, although he

w o u l d " f i g ht s t r o n g l y " t o m a i n t a i n

you

was

the current sports' p r o v i s i o n , a n d

this s t o r y n e x t w e e k .

worried abou t the disruption

Ian

C a l d w e l l , t h e D i r e c t o r of Estates,

u p to date with their side o f

Union fiasco leaves expedition stores on the streets SUNIL R A O

authorities. The

The

Union's

plans f o r expansion

into t h e Beit Q u a d up yet a n o t h e r has b e e n

have

discovery

o f a s b e s t o s in

some of the o l d South

opened

nels

c a n o f w o r m s , it

some

revealed.

meant

a n early

of the clubs

wing

tun-

pack-up for affected, but

the fact that t h e m o v e w a s t o take

The expansion has necessitat-

place

a t t h e start o f t h e s u m m e r

ed the h a n d i n g over of the s p a c e

holidays

that w e r e a w a y o n t o u r at the time

used

to occupy

in t h e S o u t h

meant

that

those

clubs

w i n g o f Beit, w h i c h , until t h e p r o -

found themselves

posed

g e t t i ng t h e m o v e o r g a n i s e d - with

move,

w a s primarily

used

in a m a d rush

as s t o r a g e s p a c e b y v a r i o u s c l u b s

the e q u i p m e n t t e m p o r a r i l y

and societies f o r large a n d bulky

at t h e f r o n t o f B e i t o w i n g t o t h e

pieces of equipment. However, number

themselves

clubs

have

placed

inconvenience bungling relocation

due

of the w h o l e by

the

d i s c o v e r y o f a s b e s t o s in t h e South

found

wing

area

serious

club

returned

placed

the

tunnels. from

The outdoor their

trip t o

d i s c o v e r t h e i r stuff d u m p e d

in a

issue o f concerned

Bessemer ready and waiting for equipment

Photo: Jonas

Contiued onpage 3

Millenium turns students into staf

The Big Issue RICHARD H O E Y I C U D e pu t y President T i m Trailor gives

staffing a n d r e d u c e the risk o f p r o b -

m i g h t n o t b e sufficiently staffed with

l e m s a s s o c i a t e d with t h e M i l l e n n i u m

W a r d e n s , a n d s a i d s h e h o p e d that if

us t h e l o w d o w n

o n the

C o n f u s i o n surrounds the C o l l e g e ' s

Bug.

c o m p l e x issue o l sports

mergers

p l a n s f o r h o u s i n g students in h a l l s

Manager,

a n d asks: W h e r e nexl?

residence

period.

over

the M i l l e n n i u m

A p p a r e n t l y , n o d e c i s i o n will

plans

A c c o r d i n g to the Residences Sharine

have

Brown,

n o w been

those

it c a m e t o it, t h e W a r d e n s

scrapped.

S h e a d m i t t e d it w o u l d h a v e p r o v e d

would

a g r e e t o w o r k o v e r t h e N e w Year. The

Residences

Office

is n o w

u n d e r pressure to i n f o r m students of

b e t a k e n until D e c e m b e r , little t i m e

"a n i g h t m a r e " f o r students a n d p a r -

Union

their p l a n s a s q u i c k l y a s p o s s i b l e .

to i n f o r m t h o s e a f f e c t e d .

Unsurpris-

ents a l i k e , a n d a g r e e d it w o u l d n o t

T h e m e e t i n g o f t h e Rector's c o m m i t -

ingly, t h e U n i v e r s i t y h a s f o u n d it dif-

h a v e b e e n fair, s i n c e s t u d e n t s h a v e

tee o n s t u d e n t r e s i d e n c e s o n O c t o -

All the iatest news a n d i n f o r m a t i o n

ficult t o f i n d h a l l staff w i l l i n g t o w o r k

paid f or a c c o m m o d a t i o n over the

b e r 1 3 t h w a s t h e last o p p o r t u n i t y f o r

horn

ov er the M i l l e n n i u m . There are also

N e w Year period.

the U n i v e r s i t y t o l i a s e d i r e c t l y with

the President,

plus

updates

f r o m o n welfare a n d the R S M U n i o n .

Columns MishMash week,

stands

keeping

alone

this

his e a r to the

g r o u n d f o r a i l t h e latest g o s s i p .

concerns about

p o s s i b l e effects o f

plan has been agreed. M r s Brown

Ihe

the M i l l e n n i u m B u g , with p a r t i c u l a r

confessed

reached,

w o r r i e s e x p r e s s e d a b o u t t h e effect

task t o sort s o m e t h i n g o u t " . S h e

n o t until F e b r u a r y .

of p o w e r cuts o n lifts a n d fire a l a r m

admitted

Millennium

s y s t e m s , e s p e c i a l l y g i v e n that street

and

p a r t i e s m a y m a k e it difficult f o r t h e

available

emergency

l i s h e d , a n d d i d n o t rule o u t t h e p o s -

services

to reach

stu-

d e n t s in t r o u b l e .

"it will b e a

the number

security

staff

that

mammoth

of W a r d e n would

h a d n o t yet b e e n

estab-

ton, Imperial C o i i e g e U n i o n

Presi-

dent,

tion

over

the N e w Year

period

The College's group

but

according

to Sharine

said

the U n i o n

confidence

that

the

h a d every Residences

New

Year.

That

will

not b e c o m e

c l e a r until t h e results o f a s t u d e n t questionnaire are known - a ques-

s h o u l d b e m o v e d into a s i n g l e h a l l

o f f i c e will b e a b l e t o sort this o u t " .

t i o n n a i r e that

the editor isn't exactly M r Popular...

of r e s i d e n c e , in o r d e r t o s a v e o n

But s h e e x p r e s s e d c o n c e r n that h a l l s

until t h e e n d o f N o v e m b e r .

A d o z e n p a g e s p a c k e d t o the brim

In Brief

is n o t b e i n g

issued

this w e e k , with t o p n e w r e l e a s e s

GATECRASHER

from Nitin S i n g h a n d Disney.

The

Fiction

Brown

they will b e u n a b l e t o c o m e t o a n y

This w e e k ' s m a i l b a g suggests that

Reviews

will b e

m e e t i n g in t h e next c o u p l e o f w e e k s ,

d e c i s i o n until they k n o w h o w m a n y

remain

accommoda-

Issues

s t u d e n t s a r e p l a n n i n g t o stay f o r t h e

p o s e d that a l l students w i s h i n g t o in U n i v e r s i t y

a n d t h e next m e e t i n g is

dents to help out.

New-

it w a s p r o -

I C U , but n o decision was

sibility o f a s k i n g p o s t - g r a d u a t e s t u Natasha

O v e r the Summer,

Feedback

But n o a l t e r n a t i v e

thrill

of a night o u t in t h e

U n i o n w a s t o o m u c h f o r o n e stud e n t t o resist o n F r i d a y 1 5 O c t o -

the

award

winning

Casper Von

ber.

T h e reveller

W r e d e returns with a p r o v o c a t i v e

gain

short story o f a m a n s final h o u r s .

scaffolding

attempted to

entry t o t h e U n i o n

Q u a d ' s entrance.

t h a n k s t o 4 9 neatly d r o w n b o x e s

scanning the

b u i l d i n g with their c a n i n e c o m p a triots.

S e v e n day s p r e s e n t e d a t a g l a n c e

Beit

The breach led

to security officers

Seven Days

v i a the

surrounding

When

a p p r e h e n d e d the

individual w a s h a n d e d over to the U n i o n a n d it is b e l i e v e d

college

intend n o further a c t i o n .

Crossword

CYCLE

CODING

T h e c r o s s w o r d c o n t i n u e s to get b i g -

In c o l l a b o r a t i o n w i t h t h e C o i i e g e

ger. W h e r e will it e n d ?

the M e t r o p o l i t a n Police a r e c o n -

Competiffon Win a one month, European wide, c o a c h pas s courtesy of E u r o l i n e s

tinuing

their

against

cycle

concerted theft

with

opportunity

to have

c o d e d free.

From

effort another

your

bike

t a c u l a r victories f o r H o c k e y ' s D i s c o S q u a d , Rugby 2 n d s a n d I C S M footy.

Single tickets ÂŁ50 (includes 4 course dinner) Limited number still available

on Wednesday a n d Thursday a n d 10am

Foyer

W e e k t w o of the s e a s o n sees s p e c -

Wednesday October 27th 7.30-2am

1 0 a m to 4 p m

t o 3 p m this

Friday the

P o l i c e will b e c o d i n g bikes in t h e

Sport & Societies

HOTEL RUSSELL Bloomsbury

of the Sherfield

building,

t h e o n l y i n f o r m a t i o n they

require

is y o u r full p o s t c o d e .

For further

information

the Chief

Security 8904.

contact

Officer

o n 0 71 5 9 4

Tickets available from the Union Office 9.30-5pm

iCV

Rubbish filled rooms are societies only haven has already

delay

Contiued from page 1

to affect

enough rubbish

filled

Royal

School

a matter

Estates

division

agreed

ers.

the basement

building With

the

storage

move

firstly

in the

the

storage area

was to

problems

allocation

same

be got

ready.

ranging

to rooms

ought to be complete

o u t a n d the n e w security

rain which

from key

location f o r almost three

internet

connections,

signage

a n d suffer

Although landed

months,

serious

(Finance

and

a s s u r e s t h e c l u b s t h a t if

floor, there s h o u l d b e n o p r o b l e m .

Photo: Jonas

Bessemer ready and waiting for equipment? Maybe not temperature

variations.

A s o f n o w , it is e x p e c t e d

n o official

from

President

ly a n d n o t left l y i n g a r o u n d o n t h e

Physics.

t h e o f f i c e s still h a v e n o n e t w o r k o r

equip-

e q u i p m e n t is s t o w e d a w a y p r o p e r -

also

p l a g u e d the r e m o v a l o f Felix into

D e s p i t e h a v i n g r e s i d e d in this n e w

could damage

area heavy

U n i o n s a b b a t i c a l Ian C l i f f o r d , Deputy Services),

portacabins

potential

ment.

into a

have

been

is p r o n e t o f l o o d i n g d u r i n g

fiasco. problems

once

has

p r o b l e m is t h a t t h e b a s e m e n t

b o m b sites p l a g u i n g t h e m o v e t h e

Similar

commence (temporary)

old equipment

hauled

resembling

situation soo n d e g e n e r a t e d

a n d the

system set u p . T h e o n l y

allocated

of the

ought

tomorrow,

had

building while the final

temporary in

in C o l l e g e

temporarily,

Bessemer

Work

of course, the

to relocate

space

long

events a n d p l a n n e d trips for f r e s h -

Mines Union Office. As

been

t h e h o l d i n g of

the

temporary

M I T C H E L L

basement

that

storage

a r e a in t h e B e s s e m e r b u i l d i n g will

buck

be ready soon - four weeks

and

the

start

of term,

M A D I S O N Strategic

however,

from this

passing College

h a s n o t yet

blame anyone's

shoulders,

by b o t h t h e U n i o n seem

t o be at the

root of the p r o b l e m .

G R O U P

Management

Consulting

Practice your case study interview technique and get a head start on applying to one of the top management consulting firms! Mitchell Madison G r o u p are looking for final year students to participate i n an interviewer training day on:

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Lisa Holmes, Recruitment Co-ordinator Mitchell Madison Group, Portland House, Stag Place, London SWIE 5ZT Closing Date: Monday November 22nd, 1999 C a n d i d a t e s w i l l b e n o t i f i e d w h e t h e r they h a v e b e e n selected n o l a t e r t h a n M o n d a y 2 9 t h N o v e m b e r .

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BUSA - The Real Deal Single Entry

TIM TRAILOR

T h i s is w h e r e

IC a n d I C S M

be merged

also

would

a n d for each

s p o r t I C w o u l d o n l y field o n e set For those of y o u w h o d o n ' t a n y t h i n g a b o u t t h e British

know

Univer-

sities S p o r t s A s s o c i a t i o n ( o r B U S A

teams.

A l l medics

w h o play

sport w o u l d have to d o s o a s part of a c o m b i n e d I C t e a m .

every

Wednesday

T h i s is w h e r e

B e c a u s e I C m e r g e d w i t h St M a r y ' s

enter

and

Charring

Cross

have

IC a n d I C S M

completely

medic

separately a n d

c a n represent

asked

the London

cols

hybrid

proposal,

system

acknowledged

because

BUSA

the unique

tion w e were f a c i n g with

situalots o f

swallowed

by t h e b i g c o l l e g e s .

a n d to put forward

not

if t h a t

new

n e w p r o p o s a l is

sufficiently different f r o m t h e

c u r r e n t o n e w e m i g h t f i n d it b e i n g rejected by B U S A .

However

B U S A h a v e a s k e d us t o c o m e u p

The story so far

with a n o t h e r alternative by M a r c h 2001.

Back

IC -

S i n g l e entry h a s t h e a d v a n t a g e

in D e c e m b e r

council

voted

1997,

ICU

t o o p t f o r single

must play f o r I C S M .

of i n c r e a s i n g t h e sense of b e l o n g -

entry f o r t h e next s e a s o n

t h r e e lots o f s p o r t s t e a m s e a c h o f

Where I C S M doesn't have a team,

ing to IC within the m e d i c a l c o m -

1999).

whom

m e d i c s c a n n o t c o m p e t e in B U S A .

munity a n d will ultimately p r o d u c e

J a n u a r y a n 8 0 0 n a m e petition w a s

s t r o n g e r t e a m s . It w o u l d a l s o a l l o w

raised

meeting.

A t this

council's

last

found

ourselves

would

with

effectively

normally

enter

instead they

both

already

universities a r e a l l o w e d to use t h e

medical schools being

Dual Entry

compete

afternoon.

have

d i v i s i o n t o r e v i e w t h e i r entry p r o t o -

f o r short) it is t h e c o m p e t i t i o n t h a t most o f o u r sports clubs

Background info At present the University of L o n d o n

BUSA. These have been c o m b i n e d i n t o t w o sets o f t e a m s I C S M taining

t h e o l d St. M a r y ' s a n d

Charring

Cross

teams)

Hybrid Entry

(con-

and

T h i s is t h e c u r r e n t s i t u a t i o n .

Both

I C . IC a n d I C S M c a n enter t e a m s a n d students

team

to be fielded

in sports

neither IC n o r I C S M

where

could

Only

fora n emergency meeting I C U

decision

w a s over

medical

w h i c h s i d e t o p l a y f o r (yes, m e d i c s

teams

we s h o u l d p r o c e e d f r o m here. A t

c a n p l a y f o r I C e v e n if I C S M h a s a

enter a n y o n e event in B U S A every

season,

present there a r e three m a i n p o s -

team).

year,

e n t r y f o r t h e start o f t h e 2 0 0 1 s e a -

sible directions in w h i c h w e c o u l d

c a n n o t elect t o play f o r the m e d -

field m o r e than three rugby

proceed:

ical school

non-medic

however.

D ICU REQUIRES UNION STEWARDS IF YOU ARE GOOD WITH PEOPLE, CALM UNDER PRESSURE, ENTHUSIASTIC, OUTGOING AND WILLING TO WEAR GREEN

from

limited each

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cil m e e t i n g I C U a g r e e d t o i m p l e -

But b i g d e b a t e s h a v e b e e n r a g i n g over the past few years a b o u t h o w

However,

calling

(1998-

the following

turned a n d at the f o l l o w i n g C o u n -

field separate teams.

c a n choose

However,

institution c a n

(eg n o o n e institution c a n

BUSA).

Therefore

WE ARE LOOKING FOR. FOR MORE DETAILS CONTACT m.horne@ic.ac.uk OR RING 0207 594 8068 (48068) INTERVIEWS WILL BE HELD WEEK BEGINNING NOV 1ST

moving

toward

Since

January

1 9 9 8 t h e rest

of the L o n d o n d i v i s i o n

gle institution w e w o u l d

of L o n d o n

only b e

a b l e t o field half a s m a n y

teams

entry

colleges)

(University

has decided

to o p t f o r D u a l entry i n S e p t e m b e r 2 0 0 1 . T h e s i t u a t i o n is u n d e r c o n -

as w e d o at present. Dual

single

son.

and

I C S M were to be entered as a sin-

would

mean

that

tinual

review

a n d I a m currently

w e w o u l d still b e a b l e t o h a v e t h e

involved in U L U discussion forums

same

o n t h e matter.

number

of people

partici-

The I C U decision

pating a s w e d o at the m o m e n t .

m a d e t w o y e a r s a g o is still t h e o f f i -

The standard w o u l d remain l a r g e -

c i a l I C U p o l i c y ; t h i s is a f a i r l y f l u i d

ly t h e s a m e a s a t p r e s e n t b u t t h i s

situation

s y s t e m c o u l d b e d i v i s i v e if u s e d o n

that by S e p t e m b e r

a n d it is q u i t e

possible

2 0 0 1 I C U will

s u p p o r t i n g a different

option.

a long term basis b e c a u s e IC a n d

I C S M players w o u l d never g e t t o

A n y d e c i s i o n s relating to the B U S A

p l a y t o g e t h e r . A l s o w h e r e t h e r e is

entry

no medic team, medics would be

ICU

unable to participate in the sport

interested

and

have

vice

versa;

this is t h e c a s e

need

still a b l e t o f i e l d a t e a m .

quite

view,

entry

be the idea

would,

through

topic

chance

heard.

clearly

y o u will

to have

I will

your

also

state

a n d openly

that

m y s h o u l d any such subjects be tabled

solution.

in this

your

opinions

Hybrid

to b e taken

C o u n c i l a n d t h u s if y o u a r e

e v e n w h e n t h e o t h e r i n s t i t u t i o n is

This

f o r d i s c u s s i o n at I C U C o u n c i l I will

w o u l d a l l o w i n d i v i d u a l s that right

d o m y best t o m a k e sure y o u k n o w

w h e n , w h e r e a n d h o w to give your

choose

a n dwould

result in

s o m e integration between

THEN YOU COULD BE THE PERSON

teams

if I C

m e n t h y b r i d entry f o r t h e f o l l o w i n g

medics

I a m sure that a n y of y o u w h o

o v e r a n u m b e r o f y e a r s this w o u l d

p l a y s p o r t h a v e a v i e w o n this s u b -

see a g r a d u a l strengthening o f the

ject a n d I w o u l d

IC side as m e d i c s started t o see I C

h e a r i n g f r o m a n y o n e with a n y t h i n g

non-medics.

I believe

views o n t h e matter.

that

and

b e interested in

as a viable t e a m t o o p t t o play for,

constructive

but it w o u l d a l s o a l l o w f o r r e c o g -

they

n i t i o n o f t h e h i s t o r y m e d i c s p o r t is

o p t i o n ) . If y o u w o u l d l i k e t o d i s c u s s

based

o n . This

u p with

a fourth

would

this, o r a n y o t h e r c l u b s a n d s o c i -

ensure a m a x i m u m level of partic-

eties r e l a t e d , matter with m e then

ipation

you

whilst

option

t o s a y ( e s p e c i a l l y if

can come

not preventing

a r e most w e l c o m e

to come

g r a d u a l p o s i t i v e shift i n s t a n d a r d .

a n d s e e m e (I a m a t t h e b a c k o f

T h e d o w n s i d e t o h \ y b r i d is s i m p l y

the

in t h a t B U S A m i g h t r e j e c t it - t h e y

10 a m onwards).

Union

office

every

d a y from

Shell Business C h a l l e n g e

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M It may be the smallest of IC's four faculties, but the Royal School of Mines still seems to be crammed full of energy, thanks to the RSM Union. We ask their President, Matt Cockayne, to give us the lowdown.

hose of y o u that a r e n e w to

the

m e n s f o o t b a l l t e a m s - with t h e 1st

R S M will

realis e d that

already while

have

it is t h e

run a mens

well

also

teams.

social of them

a n d most

all.At RSMU, we

D u t c h boys f r o m Delft M i n i n g C o l -

as mens

a n d ladies

A l l these

annually

teams

against

hockey compete

Camborne

Our

main at

These

college.

o t h e r s o c i a l e v e n t s . W e h a v e just

r u g b y m a t c h is t h e o n l y m a t c h t h a t

piemaster,

h a d o u r Freshers Dinner, a t w h i c h

contests the Bottle, a 3ft high tin

Halloween

everyone

bottle.

games.

had a

good

time,

the

If y o u a r e i n t e r e s t e d

a l t h o u g h m os t o f the freshers will

playing for a n y o f the teams, c o n -

have a s o m e w h a t hazy m e m o r y o f

tact the p e o p l e listed o n t h e right.

the n i g h t .

R S M U e v e n t s this t e r m i n c l u d e

R S M a l s o runs highly c o m p e t itive s p o r t s t e a m s , w i t h t h e B o t t l e Match

(the s e c o n d

match

in theworld)

the

highlight of the R S M social

calendar,

the Christmas

RSM

and

varsity

4th D e c e m b e r , which happens to c o i n c i d e with t h e Delft M a t c h , a

located

social

RSM.

calendar.

rugby

match

against the

themed

from

Cockayne

m.cockayne@ic.ac.uk

V i c e P r e s i s d e n t , Ruth

Easterbrook

ruth.easterbrook@ic.ac.uk

karaoke,

students, a n d events a n d

just

on- t h e g r o u n d

Rugby C a p t a i n , S e g u n Lawson olusegun.lawson@ic.ac.uk

Football C a p t a i n , Nigel Milner nigel.milner@ic.ac.uk

M e n s Hockey, Henry Winfield-Chislett, henry.winfieldchislett@ic.ac.uk

p o p into t h e office floor of

Level 4 Mechanical Engineering Building Ext. 46953 9.30am - 5.00pm ccs - shopÂŠ ic.ac.uk Prices @ http://www.cc.ic.ac.uk/Qdmin/shop/

*3 l

ÂŁ 9 6 . 0 0 ex VAT

Ladies H o c k e y , K a r i n a Tarling karina.tarling@ic.ac.uk

President, M a t t

bar.

t o meet

If y o u h a v e a n y p r o b l e m s o r

Ball o n

as the high-

light o f t h e I C s p o r t i n g

include:

foreign

The next barnight is: Wednesday 27th October, in the RSM bar. It's Halloween (more or less), so there's a special festive theme. queries,

oldest

in t h e R S M

u p i n f o r m a l l y with e v e r y o n e

mining

However,

gatherings

barnights

provide a chance

high turnout at o u r barnights a n d

in C o l l e g e for the

social

our

Wednesdays

of M i n e s ,

renowned

the other U K

occur

School

are

CONTACTS

lege.

t e a m i n t h e U L U 1st d i v i s i o n - a s

s m a l l e s t C o l l e g e a t I m p e r i a l , it is the friendliest

rugby t e a m , t w o

The State of the Union Hello, h o w are w e all? This w e e k ' s

By Natasha Newton, Imperial College Union President

a i l , so c o m e a l o n g a n d quiz!

c o l u m n is b r o u g h t t o y o u b y t h e letters U, L a n d U a n d t h e n u m b e r 5 0 .

C o u n c i l will, as always, be o p e n to

t i o n s a r e next year. A lot o f y o u will

m o n g o o d w e will b e g i n a s t r u c t u r e d programme

of kidnapping a n d

- This Week's Union Meetings -

H e r e g o e s with t h e latest f r o m o u r

automatically

University c o u n t e r p a r t s .

w h e r e y o u a r e living this y e a r . . . . B U T

a s s a s s i n a t i o n o f all the rich kids s o

NOT

they d o n ' t s k e w the stats!!

London Transport

T I O N S , because the local councils

I C U is n o w the o n l y p l a c e i n L o n d o n

a r e very s l o w with t h e s e t h i n g s . If y o u

IQ of 50

•

w h e r e students c a n b u y LT d i s c o u n t

w a n t t o v o t e , fill i n a c a r d .

H a s a n y o n e , seen copies of L o n d o n

( m i n i b u s e s a n d the office)

w e r e i s s u i n g t h e m f r o m t h e i r registry

London weighting

T h e y a r e s u p p o s e d t o c o m e t o Beit

and

have n o w

Loans, grants, whatever you get, are

but f o r t w o w e e k s they

• 18.00 i C U Welfare

U L U colleges a r e

higher for those studying in L o n d o n

appeared

yet ! T h e o h s o b r i g h t

• CAG

s o u p run f o r the

reporting a n absolute m i n i m u m wait

t h a n o u t s i d e . B U T it's not e n o u g h .

delivery m a n w o u l d a p p e a r to have

(contact

nada.yousif@ic.ac.uk)

of 4 w e e k s f o r p o s t a l o r d e r s . S o a

£35

m i s s e d the A l b e r t H a l l l a n d m a r k . In

•

big thank y o u g o e s out to the I C U

h o u s e with living r o o m in N o t t i n g -

the

COMMEMORATION

office staff w h o h a v e w o r k e d flat o u t

h a m , e v e n m o r e in the N o r t h . L o n -

o u t s i d e t h e m a i n stairway l o o s will

t o i s s ue o v e r 3 0 0 0 c a r d s . T h e U n i o n

d o n w e i g h t i n g d o e s not a l l o w L o n -

h a v e t o b e d o n e with p a p e r t o w e l s .

surers'

(Sorry, M r C a m p b e l l , it's n o t that

cheques!) R C

IN T I M E

registered f o r

F O R THESE

ELEC-

Student

cards over the counter. K i n g ' s (who

not their

stopped.

Union)

Other

per week w o u l d

rent a l a r g e

to afford

equivalent

25th:

Monday

15.30

lying

around

meantime

the place?

have not

mopping

u p vomit

26th:

Tuesday

Trading CCR

13.00

Services CCR

1 3 . 0 0 A & E Treasurers'

•

meeting

homeless

Wednesday27th: DAY

• Thursday 2 8 t h : 1 2 . 3 0 R C C Treameeting

(come

get your

has ' l o s t ' £ 5 0 0 in extra staffing a n d

don

m o r e t h a n £ 5 0 i n p o s t a g e , but t h e n

d i g s - w e think w e ' v e d o n e O K if w e

y o u lot a r e s a v i n g t o n s .

only have 3 5 c o c k r o a c h e s for £ 8 0 p e r w e e k ! T h e Presidents of the U L U

Clinic at Council

• 1 7 . 0 0 S t u d e n t D e v e l o p m e n t (Skills

Voting

colleges have

T h e U L U President M a t t Butt will b e

o u t s i d e c o u r s e s to u p C V points) R C

V o t e r r e g i s t r a t i o n slips a r e from

available

students

•

( U n i o n bars a n d catering)

been

ranting

about

•

b a d really!)

13.00

House

this f o r a g e s . T h e b i g c h a n g e is that

at t h e next C o u n c i l o n N o v e m b e r

t h e r e is n o w a p e r m a n e n t

member

the 9 t h ( 6 . 3 0 p m U D H ) .

of staff f r o m U L U w h o c a n

H e will b e

•

1 8 . 3 0 Exec

(Day to day Union

research

answering questions of a l ! natures

•

the e x a c t stats o n h o w h a r d - u p L o n -

relating t o I C U in U L U , U L U a n d the

Safety c o m m i t t e e

a bu n ch too). C o m i n g s o o n t o I C U

d o n students a r e , w h i c h gets us a lot

who's

standing f o r what

a n d t h e further w h e n we are l o b b y i n g p e o p l e

p r o m i s e s they a r e m a k i n g . T h e elec-

etc. S o , in t h e interest o f the c o m -

building)

management) R C

c a r d s f r o m the office ( I C S M S U h a v e

a n d o n post-

(president@ic.ac.uk)

(Union

CCR

Friday

29th:

15.30

Health a n d

N U S , this y e a r s c a m p a i g n s a n d t h e i n f a m o u s U L U strategic p l a n anything

(plus

else y o u w a n t t o k n o w ) .

C C R = Clubs Committee Room R C = Resource

Centre

Welfare Update By Kevin Butcher, Deputy President (Education & Welfare)

Attack Alarms / Condoms

M o n e y is a l w a y s tight f o r students but

A e r o s o l attack a l a r m s a r e a v a i l a b l e free o f c h a r g e ( o n p r o d u c t i o n o f a

(Union Adviser), Kate G u m m o w (iCU

Imperial

valid

A c c o m m o d a t i o n O f f i c e r ) a n d myself

your change

I C U card)

from

the U n i o n

Office Reception in South K e n s i n g -

Access Funds and Hardship Funds

can

advise

o n a whole

range of

C o l l e g e Health

C e n t r e of

o f a d d r e s s if y o u a r e

sometimes

it c a n g e t t o o m u c h .

There are funds available though-out

registered there. If y o u h a v e m o v e d

the year, all y o u n e e d t o d o is apply. The

first r o u n d

request f o r A c c e s s

ton. The other c a m p u s e s should b e

issues, i n c l u d i n g y o u r rights a s t e n -

out

getting s u p p l i e s s o o n . C o n d o m s a r e

ants a n d h e l p with a n y p r o b l e m s y o u

(Nl ,5,6,7,NW1,3,5,8,SW1,3,5,6,

F u n d a p p l i c a t i o n s will h a p p e n short-

available

may

7,1 0 , W 1 , 2 , 8 , 9 , 1 0 , 1 1 , 1 - 4 , W 1 2

ly. If y o u a r e a U K u n d e r g r a d u a t e stu-

(College

d e n t t h e n y o u c a n a p p l y . F o r m s will

Health

free

of c h a r g e

Centre

Kensington).

from

(Southside,

Dispensing

South

machines

b e h a v i n g with y o u r

Common

problems

by landlords,

c a n b e f o u n d i n H a l l s , U n i o n toilets or

with c o - t e n a n t s ,

c a n be purchased

from

include

repairs not b e i n g d o n e w h e n a s k e d , harassment

they

landlord.

could

disputes

p r o b l e m s with t h e

rent is p a i d e t c . T h e s e

the

Hall

registration

ONLY),

area

W C 1a n d

W C 2 ) t h e n y o u n e e d t o register with

be a v a i l a b l e i n t h e next f e w w e e k s

a d o c t o r in y o u r a r e a . C o r r e c t r e g i s -

f r o m U n i o n R e c e p t i o n o r Tony C u l l e n

tration c o v e r s

(Student

your 2 4 hour

care.

H o w e v e r any student c a n still use the

Finance,

Building). There

3 3 5 Sherfield

is a n I C H a r d s h i p

Southside S h o p o r I C U Newsagent

way

o n the W a l k w a y . T h e r e a r e plenty o f

n e e d t o b e stated n o w a s p r o b l e m s

H e a l t h C e n t r e d u r i n g the d a y (as well

F u n d a v a i l a b l e to all I C students a n d

l o c a l c h e m i s t s a r o u n d the m a i n c a m -

happen

t h e year. i C U

as students at the Royal C o l l e g e o f

CCU

hardship

pus sites. W i t h a r e c e n t survey c l a i m -

p r o d u c e s a d e t a i l e d H o u s i n g Rights

M u s i c ) , w h e t h e r registered a t I C H C

(except

I C S M S U ) t o students within

ing 1 in 5 students a r e r e g u l a r l y h a v -

G u i d e w h i c h is very h e l p f u l a n d c a n

o r not.

those C C U s . A d v i c e o n how to m a k e

throughout

points

ing u n p r o t e c t e d sex, it is i m p o r t a n t

b e o b t a i n e d f r o m the U n i o n R e c e p -

that y o u all stay s a f e . T h e U n i o n a l s o

t i o n in S o u t h

has a l i m i t e d s u p p l y .

funds

a p p l i c a t i o n s t o a l l o f t h e s e f u n d s is

Student Support Scheme

available

the s e r i o u s p r o b l e m s of t e n arise f r o m

Again

( U n i o n Adviser) o r myself.

Kensington. S o m e of

available

I would

from

Martin

Thomson

s i m p l e o n e s left t o fester. A d v i c e is

years w h o

Accommodation

just the o t h e r e n d o f the line, s o c a l l

Student L o a n s C o m p a n y f o r w h a t e v -

Union Roadshows

Term h a v i n g started a n d r o u t i n e s set-

a n d a s k , h o w e v e r silly y o u m a y think

er r e a s o n that if they d o not a p p l y f o r

A s part o f the p l a n t o roll o u t t h e

tled i n t o , this is a b o u t t h e t i m e that

it s o u n d s .

a l o a n then they WILL N O T B E ELI-

Union

GIBLE

R o a d s h o w will t a k e p l a c e at C h a r i n g

the

Union

notices

that

things a r e

have

like t o r e m i n d first not contacted the

f o r a n y future

help, should

to where

IC Health Centre Registration

they try a n d a p p l y in their s e c o n d o r

Cross

(either private s e c t o r o r C o l l e g e ) . It is

If y o u h a v e m o v e d recently ( i n c l u d i n g

third year. T h e trick is to a p p l y , fill o u t

November

i m p o r t a n t to k n o w that t h i n g s c a n b e

o u t o f H a l l s a n d i n t o private s e c t o r

all the f o r m s a n d then request z e r o

W e will b e t h e r e t o h e l p with U n i o n

done

a c c o m m o d a t i o n ) y o u n e e d to i n f o r m

p o u n d s w h e n the last f o r m arrives.

cards a n d U L U cards.

going wrong

with

a n d that

accommodation

Martin

Thomson

(Reynolds

y o u a r e t h e first

Building)

between

3rd

12 a n d 2 p m .

BACK TO S C H O O L

are

not expected to attend

l e c t u r e s at s t r a n g e

cover of NewScientist

t i m e s of t h e n i g h t .

proclaimed:

"Cyberheart

- b e a t s t h r o b s a n d will c h a n g e t h e f a c e o f m e d -

This t e r m K e v i n h a s b e e n a t t e n d i n g l e c t u r e s a t

icine"

C h a r i n g C r o s s . O n e recent session b e g a n

N o b e l , v i s i t e d I C . K e v i n a t t e n d e d his b r i l l i a n t a n d

with

WHY DON'T YOU...

the l e c t u r e r t r y i n g f o r t w o o r t h r e e m i n u t e s t o g e t

d e a l i n g with

rowdy

become

wannabe

although

used to

R e c e n t l y K e v i n f o u n d h i m s e l f sitting u n d e r n e a t h a

Dennis

it d r e w

many

academics

o u t of the

bowels of the B M S , Kevin d i d not see any under-

doctors,

spotted

h u g e d i n o s a u r in t h e N a t u r a i

the p r o b l e m a n d p u t o u t a l o u d h i g h

pitched

l i s t e n i n g t o Patrick M o o r e s p e a k a b o u t t h e p o s -

b e e p over t h e s p e a k e r s in the Lecture

Theatre.

History

Professor

a c c e s s i b l e p r e s e n t a t i o n . It w a s d i s a p p o i n t i n g t h a t

s t u d e n t s t o shut u p a n d p a y a t t e n t i o n s o h e c o u l d start. T e c h n i c i a n s , w h o h a v e

the m a n responsible,

Museum

graduates

present.

Kevin

suggests a l l students

s h o u l d m a k e t h e m o s t o f t h e f a c t they a r e l i v i n g in L o n d o n , a n d b e c o m e a w a r e o f w h a t is g o i n g

The beep persisted, d r o w n i n g out conversations,

on around them.

until e v e r y o n e h a d c a l m e d d o w n , a n d t h e l e c t u r e c o u l d b e g i n . K e v i n c o u l d n o t h e l p s e e i n g t h e sit-

MILLENNIUM BITES

uation as a n a l o g o u s to a s c h o o l teacher blowing a

whistle

in a

playground

at the e n d o f a

lunchtime.

I m p r o v e m e n t s in t h e library a r e n o t just c o s m e t i c - b e h i n d t h e flat s c r e e n s s i g n i f i c a n t c h a n g e s a r e taking

TIME MANAGEMENT

place.

T h e librar y

catalogue

system is

b e i n g u p g r a d e d . T h e p r e s e n t t e l n e t system is t o b e r e p l a c e d by a w e b b a s e d s e r v i c e . This m e a n s

A Mostly Harmless Column by Kevin, a random entity who knows nothing about nothing

A l e c t u r e r in t h e B i o l o g y d e p a r t m e n t is c u r r e n t l y e x p e r i m e n t i n g o n himself.

D r Russell

F o s t e r is

c o n d u c t i n g r e s e a r c h w h i c h c o u l d have military applications. H e has succeeded

the

simple

telnet

terminals

wiil

have

to be

r e p l a c e d with p o w e r f u l P C s . K e v i n w a s n o t surp r i s e d t o l e a r n that t h e i m p r o v e m e n t s

are not

b e i n g m a d e just t o i m p r o v e t h e s e r v i c e p r o v i d e d

in a l t e r i n g his

body c l o c k by t h e i n g e n i o u s use of a specially

sibilities o f f i n d i n g a l i e n life. K e v i n h a s a l s o s e e n

to students - K e v i n h a s l e a r n t that it is i m p e r a t i v e

adapted

pair of sun glasses. T h e glasses a r e

a v i d e o of a h u m a n h a t c h i n g , courtesy of I C S M ' s

the l i b r a r y ' s n e w system is u p a n d r u n n i n g b e f o r e

apparentiy c a p a b l e o f artificially s i m u l a t i n g t h e

P r o f e s s o r L o r d W i n s t o n , a n d l e a r n e d o f efforts t o

Christmas.

effect o f d a y l i g h t . T h e l e c t u r e r c l a i m s t o b e l i v i n g

s t o p t h e l e a n i n g t o w e r o f Pisa t o p p l i n g . T h e r e is

d e a d l i n e c o u l d b e serious, as apparently the pres-

a 3 6 hour day, while

involved

always a p l e t h o r a o f interesting events g o i n g o n

ent s y s t e m h a s b e e n bitten by t h e m i l l e n n i u m b u g .

hopes he

in a n d a r o u n d I C . Yet e v e n t h e m o s t c l u e d u p

with

undergraduate

b e i n g currently

teaching.

Kevin

h a s m a n a g e d t o o r g a n i s e his t e a c h i n g c o m m i t -

s t u d e n t c a n f i n d it d i f f i c u l t t o f i n d o u t w h a t is o n

m e n t s a r o u n d his w a c k y d a y , a n d that s t u d e n t s

offer. B e f o r e t h e s u m m e r , a w e e k after t h e f r o n t

The consequences

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Monday 1st November, at 6.30p.m Charter Suite, Waldorf Hotel, Aldwych, WC2

the

society

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LEAD

PEOPLE

TUESDAY 26TH OCTOBER 6 . 0 0 P M VENUE:

A TALK BY

C L O R E LECTURE T H E A T R E , H U X L E Y B U I L D I N G

SCHLUMBERGER. How

DO Y O U G O A B O U T

MANAGING A MULTI-ETHNIC, MULTI-NATIONAL CORPORATION, WITH 6 4 , 0 0 0 EMPLOYEES S P A N N I N G OVER 1 0 0 C O U N T R I E S ?

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Feedback RIGHT T O REPLY

ISSUE 1154 Editorial Staff

someone

i c a l s c h o o l , Prof E d w a r d s , s a i d that

i n t e n t i o n a l l y attack s m y w o r k I g e t

the p r o j e c t w a s " s o m e t h i n g that n o -

very o f f e n d e d a n d upset... I a m h e r e

o n e is p r o u d o f " a n d that it's failure

needed

Dear Dave

to d o it. W h e n

to repres en t y o u a n d if I s h o u l d e v e r

h a d b e e n r e c o g n i s e d a n d that c o n -

O k w h e r e d o I start this? I g u e s s

stop d o i n g that I a m o n l y t o o h a p p y

tractors h a d b e e n b r o u g h t in t o r e m -

is with s o m e t h i n g I

f o r Felix to c a l l m e t o a c c o u n t f o r m y

edy the situation. A time scale f o r

learnt w h e n I w a s very y o u n g - "with

a c t i o n s , but I must a s k D a v e Roberts

t h e s e c h a n g e s w a s put i n p l a c e a n d

every right c o m e s r e s p o n s i b i l i t y " ; this

(the editor) t o t a k e s e r i o u s l y his r o l e

widely

e x t e n d s into e v e r y t h i n g w e d o . F o r

as e d i t o r a n d r e m e m b e r the r e s p o n -

o n l y f a i l u r e h a s f o l l o w e d . Last w e e k ,

the

best p l a c e

e x a m p l e with the right t o v o t e c o m e s

sibilities that c o m e with t h e right to

o n l y d a y s b e f o r e o u r f i n a l s , o n e of

print a n e w s p a p e r .

I for o n e have

o u r lecturers h a d t o travel all the w a y

equally

speech

b e e n d e e p l y p e r s o n a l l y o f f e n d e d by

to C h e l s e a a n d W e s t m i n s t e r t o g i v e

require the speake r to be

a n article w h i c h h e k n e w w a s f a c t u -

a lecture t o 3 p e o p l e t h e r e a n d 2 6

ally i n c o r r e c t a n d I a m d i s a p p o i n t e d

p e o p l e a t St M a r y ' s , just b e c a u s e h e r

t h e right

t o free

r e s p o n s i b l e f o r w h a t they say. S o far this t e r m Felix has a l l o w e d

with h i m b o t h a s a n editor, a n d a s a

lecture c o u l d n o t b e t r a n s m i t t e d f r o m

it's writers t o e n t e r into a series o f

f r i e n d f o r a l l o w i n g last w e e k s " b r e a k

St M a r y ' s . T h e r e a r e m a n y m o r e s t o -

anonymous

p o i n t " article t o g o to print u n e d i t e d .

ries o f s i m i l a r f i a s c o e s - it is still n o t

personal

vendettas

u n u s u a l f o r a lecture t o b e t r a n s m i t -

w h i c h s e e m t o s i m p l y a i m e d at stir-

t e d w i t h o u t s o u n d o r pictu r e o r b o t h .

r i n g u p e m o t i o n within the IC s t u de n t

Tim Trailor

p o p u l a t i o n . I n d e e d t h e e d i t o r of this

D e p u t y President ( C l u b s & S o c s )

newspaper that

in a d v a n c e

A N O P E N LETTER T O THE RECTOR

that

"break point" contained intentional-

know)

e d i t o r w h o is p a i d by y o u t o k e e p y o u

W e a r e writing t o y o u a s a g r o u p

i n f o r m e d a b o u t all matters r e l a t e d t o

of 4 t h y e a r m e d i c a l students f r o m the

IC, a n d w h e n that a u t h o r allows arti-

S c h o o l of M e d i c i n e . W e have recent-

cles

to b e p u b l i s h e d

containing aimed

o u r Obstetrics a n d course

at St

Mary's

[What

follows

publication,

was not sent to me for but I would

in IC

feedback

and have

Reviewers

s a b b a t i c a l o f f i c e r - but i n s t e a d , a s a

Reporter that y o u h a d given the n e w

anyway.

Sorry

Andy, Hardy

s t u de n t of this c o l l e g e ) h o l d h i m to

v i d e o l i n k lecture system a n a w a r d f o r

caused

a c c o u n t a n d a s k h i m t o e x p l a i n his

excellence.

shocked to read

It is n o w a y e a r s i n c e w e w e r e e x p e c t i n g o u r first interactive lecture

thus published

for any

your it

annoyance

to the writer. ]

Dear Dave,

I a m writing t o c o m p l a i n a b o u t

July I h a v e w o r k e d h a r d a n d I a m still

o v e r the n e w system. W e w e r e p r o m -

trying h a r d to d o w e l l i n a j o b , w h i c h

ised that w e w o u l d b e a b l e t o v i e w

recent a n o n y m o u s

by its very n a t u r e is extremely difficult,

lectures at t h e h o s p i t a l s w h e r e w e

in Felix s u c h a s B r e a k p o i n t a n d M i s h -

a n d w h e n t h e s t a n d a r d of m y w o r k

w e r e b a s e d , but w e c o u l d n o t . W e

M a s h . I feel that the a n o n y m i t y of the

a n d m y m o t i v e s a r e c a l l e d into q u e s -

were

lectures

writers a l l o w s t h e m t o g e t a w a y with

t i o n by a n article f i l l e d with lies... I

w o u l d b e v i d e o e d f o r a sort of e d u -

w r i t i n g articles t h a t c a n b e m o r e ven-

find

cation

dictive a n d u n t r u e t h a n t h o s e writers

that

personally

offensive a n d

p r o m i s e d that

these

by c o r r e s p o n d e n c e

course,

their

names.

It a l l o w s

q u i t e u p s e t t i n g . Felix plays a n i m p o r -

who

tant part in t h e d e m o c r a t i c

of o u r third y e a r either. T i m e

after

t h e m t o c a u s e m o r e u p s e t to the s u b -

system

reveal

c o l u m n s printed

but this d i d not h a p p e n f o r the w h o l e

role

t i m e w e h a v e b e e n let d o w n by f a l s e

jects of their a r t i c l e s w i t h o u t t a k i n g

c a l l i n g t h e s a b b a t i c a l s to

p r o m i s e s o f a start d a t e f o r the c o m -

a n y r e s p o n s i b i l i t y by r e v e a l i n g their

c h e c k w h e n they start to stray, h o w -

plete system. A s m a l l f o r t u n e w a s

names.

e v e r if Felix c o n t i n u e s with this c o u r s e

spent in the last y e a r by a l l - t o o - p o o r

of a l l o w i n g it's writers t o c o n d e m n

medical

at I C , a n d part of that

involves

e!i : is p r o d o c e d : f o f ; a n d :

were

S i n c e starting this j o b b a c k in

here

completed

Gynaecology

UNFAR A N O N Y M I T Y ?

and

a c t i o n s t o y o u his r e a d e r s h i p .

o n request).

D e a r Sir Ronald

at stirring u p e m o t i o n , I (not a s a

stu-

available

s h o u l d k n o w better, it is t h e

incorrect information simply

by 1 3 f o u r t h y e a r

Signed

dents f r o m I C S M (names

ly p l a c e d g r o s s f a c t u a l i n a c c u r a c i e s . W h i l s t the a u t h o r ( w h o ' s identity I d o

h o p e that y o u will n o t p r o -

forward to reading your response.

of last

e d i t i o n g o i n g t o press

c e e d with this a w a r d , a n d w e l o o k

openly admitted to m e

he k n e w

weeks

Photographers

again

the r e s p o n s i b i l i t y to use that v o t e , o r

should

Writers

publicised, but once

sabbaticals

any cause

commuting

to a

c e n t r a l l o c a t i o n f o r e a c h lecture.

I feel

that

if t h e s e

writers a r e

g i v e n the o p p o r t u n i t y t o i n f l u e n c e the t h i n k i n g o f m a n y students i n t h e w a y

b e h a l f of I m p e r i a l C o l i e -

the

J m c n M e d i a G r o u p anc

then w h e n a sabbatical d o e s a c t u a l -

It h a s b e e n o u r e x p e r i e n c e that

-inted at M C P L i t h o L i m

ly r e q u i r e p u l l i n g b a c k into line n o -

this system h a s r e p e a t e d l y b e e n a n

forced

nits B 2 & B 3 , H a t t o n S q i

one

unmitigated disappointment a n d a n

take

a b j e c t f a i l u r e . H o w it c a n w i n a n

that they write. If they still w i s h f o r

a w a r d f o r e x c e l l e n c e is b e y o n d us.

their

will

without

students

b e listening to y o u .

The

p h r a s e "cry w o l f " s p r i n g s t o m i n d . I'm

sorry f o r t h o s e o f y o u w h o

h a v e h a d t o e n d u r e this rant b u t I

in J u n e , the P r i n c i p l e o f the m e d -

that felix a l l o w s , t h e n they s h o u l d b e to r e v e a l

their identity a n d

responsibility f o r the c o l u m n s

names

not to b e pu bl i s h e d ,

t h e n it s h o u l d b e p o s s i b l e f o r p e o p l e

The deadline for letters intended for publication is Wednesday 12 noon - drop into the portacabins o r email felix@ic.ac.uk. Letters may be edited for length but not g r a m m a r or spelling.

5 to get the n a m e s of the a n o n y m o u s am

writers f r o m yourself o n request.

researched

comment

Coiiege

issues - d o n ' t just j u m p o n the b a n d -

not s u g g e s t i n g in a n y w a y that y o u

wagon. Get

s h o u l d reveal the n a m e s o f the writ-

p a g e s of reviews of m u s i c , g a m e s ,

rid of the p a g e s

and

ers

your

v i d e o s , n i g h t c l u b s , etc. F o c u s o n the

s o u r c e s o f i n f o r m a t i o n , o n l y t h e writ-

c o l l e g e a n d the students, m a k e Felix

ers of r e g u l a r c o l u m n s o r articles in

distinctive a n d w o r t h w h i l e .

Felix.

anonymous

I do

letters

believe

in f r e e d o m

t i o n o t b a l a n c e b e t w e e n ne

THANKS F O R THE LETTERS.

s p e e c h , but I a l s o b e l i e v e in f r e e d o m

Regards

of i n f o r m a t i o n , e s p e c i a l l y in

Barry G a l e

ter (left). A s i d e f r o m apol<

Physics

f o r f o r g e t t i n g to print

tions w h e r e

person's

situa-

anonymity

r e v i e w s , i n t h e f o r m of Bart

UG4

would allow them great p o w e r over

entry

others.

(sorry

- ninety

you â&#x20AC;˘ diary hour weeks

t e n d t o t a k e it o u t o f y o u

I feel strongly a b o u t this, a n d will b e refering t h e m a t t e r t o I C U e x e c , if you

cannot

remedy

the

INTEGRATION: THE Q U E S T C O N T I N U E S

Firstly, s o r r y t o Tim any offence

situation

Traiior for certainly

caused

D e a r Sir,

within the Felix t e a m .

ideally t o s l a g h i m off o r t o s u g g e s t t h a t

Kind regards

Is it m e o r h a s e v e r y o n e m i s s e d

p o i n t of i n t e g r a t i o n ?

The

the

John Quantrell

t h e r e is a h i g h e r r a t i o o r

It is

not

a b o u t M e d i c s o r n o n - M e d i c s liking

isn't

doing

point

(which

his

job

reviews

to news a n d features than I w o u l d like.

However,

alongside news

it's r o l e a s a s o u r c e o f I C

properly.

p r i n t i n g *he

piece

disagreed

I must a d m i t

p u s e v e n t s , Felix is a l s o a c l u b f o r p e o p l e w h o w a n t ' o w rite

- and

Felix will c o n t i n u e to be a

broad

o r d i s l i k i n g e a c h o t h e r m o r e o r less.

O U T OF BALANCE

It is not a b o u t r e t a i n i n g o r d i s c a r d i n g t r a d i t i o n . N o r is it it a b o u t s o m e evil

i m p o r t a n t i s s u e that n e e d s t o

i n s u r g e n t m o v e m e n t of m e d i c s into

Dear Dave

ICU, I a m d i s a p p o i n t e d that y o u h a v e not printed o u r C h e s s

Club

diary

entry in the D i a r y of the c u r r e n t issue

ICSM

being

swallowed

Imperial's sportsmen a n d

women

tures a n d o p i n i o n .

w h o l e by a l o a d of a p a t h e t i c IC stuthe f u t u r e . A n d t o b e h o n e s t ,

d e n t s . It is a b o u t e c o n o m i s i n g . Why

else

would

Sherfield

I'll

quite h a p p i l y print any r e a s o n a b l e

T A K I N G RESPONSIBILITY

of Felix (11 5 3 , d a t e d 1 8 O c t o b e r ) . It

approve a n d adopt such a scheme?

w a s s u b m i t t e d by e m a i l o n

I C U a n d I C S M s h o u l d be m o r e c o n -

c o l u m n s represent p e o p l e ' s o p i n -

Sunday

m i x of n e w s , r e v i e w s , s p o r t , f e a -

c e r n e d with i m p r o v i n g the s t a n d a r d

i o n s n o t facts) i n t h e a i m o f o p e n -

Ultimately,

e n o u g h t i m e . Twice last y e a r I s u b -

of student life at I m p e r i a l

ing up the discussion. So, I chose

responsibility, a n d a l t h o u g h

mitted articles w h i c h d i d n ' t get into

services p r o v i d e d . N o t b l a m i n g e a c h

Felix - o v e r l o o k e d , I s u p p o s e . If y o u

o t h e r f o r their l a c k of c o - o p e r a t i o n .

and,

10th,

which

ought

give

you

and

the

last

week's

y'know

what,

BreakPoint this w e e k

the

with

College

power

would

comes most

probably

w a n t c l u b s to write m o r e f o r Felix,

If they c o n t i n u e to fight a m o n g s t

l o n g q u e u e of p e o p l e w e n t t o a s k

role of

p l e a s e m a k e sure y o u print w h a t they

t h e m s e l v e s there will b e n o t h i n g left

T i m a b o u t the issue a n d he's c o n -

h a p p i l y t a k e a l l m a n n e r of a b u s e ,

send!

to c a l l " S t u d e n t S e n / i c e s " , with

s e q u e n t l y w r i t t e n a full

blame

I a m not a g r e a t f a n of Felix a n d

s o c i a l activities o u t s i d e of y o u r o w n

explana-

Felix E d i t o r

and

"power",

I'll

condemnation

t i o n o f the status q u o , w h i c h y o u ' l l

f i n d little of interest in it t h e s e d a y s .

d i s c i p l i n e , a n d I f o r o n e d o not relish

find o n p a g e

A l t h o u g h it is " T h e S t u d e n t N e w s p a -

the i d e a of a 9 o ' c l o c k lecture b e i n g

I'm s u r e t h e t w o a r e n ' t r e l a t e d . . .

4. But, of

course,

p e r of I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e " I s e e it as

the s o c i a l event of the y e a r !

However,

Next, you ' l l see that the a b i l i -

well

whi'st

moan

it's

all

your

very

friends

petty

ty of a n o n y m o u s writers to r e m a i n

a b o u t t h e s t a t e o f F e l i x o r the C o l -

O u t " . If I w a n t to k n o w w h a t is h a p -

squabbles a n d make college a place

a n o n y m o u s has b e e n c a l l e d into

lege

pening

p e o p l e w a n t to b e .

question

mostly a c o n d e n s e d v e r s i o n of " T i m e

consult

around "IC

college

Reporter".

I have

Please,

give

the

one

the

Y o u r s sincerely

e d o n the o p p o s i t e p a g e w a s

decisions,

A student

deliberately

often

badly

written

this

p o i n t is t h a t t h e r e is n o w a y

that

answer

A N D FINALLY...

I w o u l d like to s e e Felix d e v o t e d

whatever

y o u ' v e at l e a s t t r i e d to m a k e a d i f f e r e n c e . Y o u d o n ' t h a v e to c h a n g e the

publication

College.

D o n ' t d u p l i c a t e w h a t is a l r e a d y d o n e

not

tion). The

Imperial

Union

puD-lica-

l o w e d u p next issue with a n a p o l o g y .

simple

for

researched and one-sided - a n d fol-

exclusively

the

O f f i c e r s (note l h a t t h e letter p r i n t -

Whenever

Felix c o m m e n t s o n C o l l e g e p o l i c y o r it

Union

D e a r Sir,

e l s e w h e r e . If I w a n t n a t i o n a l / i n t e r n a -

would

reveal

the

mous

source.

deliberately

identity of a n

every

waking or

come

anony-

k n o w for a

fact

just h a v e t o try a little. S o , c o m e i n

damage

a n d pester me a b o u t articles y o u

( h o w a p p r o p r i a t e ) runs f o r a s a b b a t -

t h e a b i l i t y o f t h e writers to c o l l e c t

w a n t to write a b o u t y o u r pet p r o j -

on TV I look up "Time O u t " or "TV

ical p o s i t i o n this year, w e c a n e x p e c t

information

ect, g o a n d

T i m e s " . Let us k n o w w h a t is g o i n g o n

his t e n u r e t o b e as g o o d as his t r u m -

known,

a r o u n d c o l l e g e - not o n l y c l u b s / s o c s

pet p l a y i n g ; i.e.

decidedly

events

but a l s o

splits all o v e r the p l a c e .

tures,

lunch

t i o n a l news I r e a d a n e w s p a p e r ; if I

If i n d e e d the A & E G r o u p C h a i r

w a n t to k n o w w h a t ' s o n in L o n d o n o r

special

time

guest

concerts

lec(also

e v e n i n g c o n c e r t s in R o y a l S c h o o l of M u s i c , w h i c h a r e a l s o free),

p o o r quality, with

W i t h k i n d r e g a r d s (and n o ,

I'm

not Breakpoint)

careers

that it w o u l d i r r e v o c a b l y

world, devote

h o u r to w r i t i n g w r o n g s

if t h e i r

and

unfair

identity would (as

well

y o u in t h e U n i o n , o r g e t t o g e t h e r h e lIIl <o u t of

and

O f c o u r s e , the i s s u e o f r e s p o n s i -

Senior Tu'or or H e a d

bility

still

remains,

but

that

irritate t h e

ment. Then you

your

Depart-

can come

back

s c o r e t h e a n s w e r is s i m p l e - I t a k e

a n d c o m p l a i n until y o u ' r e b l u e in

word

the f a c e , a n d I p r o m i s e that I'll lis-

Felix. T h a t ,

t e n a n d try t o s o l v e a l l y o u r p r o b -

Andy Heeps

f u l l r e s p o n s i b i l i t y f o r every

Give

ICSM 3

p r i n t e d in *his y e a r ' s amongst

All complaints should be addressed to the Editor. If no satisfactory reply is received, contact ICU Exec via the Union President

b a d g e r the sabbati-

immoral) to reveal their identities.

talks, d e p a r t m e n t a l o p e n d a y s , etc. us i n f o r m e d , b a l a n c e d , well-

was seem

few

other

-h ngs, :

lems. N o w , have we got a

deal?

w h a t I'm g e t t i n g p a i d f o r . . .

Dave

MONDAY

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A IT'S YOUR UNION - BE PART OF

This week in. k k n r t t n r r

ÂŠ

o n e r r !

Right, frequency week three. Five

pages,

but somehow

only one page of albums. Aaargh!

I've got PR people

on my back, and disppointed

writers

Nine Inch Nails The Fragile (Nothing)

Nitin Sawhney Beyond Skin (Outcaste)

at my throat.

O k a y then, shut up James,

There are some albums which are g o o d . There are some albums

The Fragile

let the reviews begin...

which are b a d . Some are just okay. There are also albums which

from Nine Inch Nails sole-member, Trent

make you feel g o o d o r b a d , provoking a reaction in some way. Then

Reznor.

Slick Sixty - Nibs and Nabs

there are the rarest of all. Albums which are sublime.

the fourteenth

coerce you onto an empty

This album was first sent to the frequency office as an album-sam-

your money you get two C D s with over two

dance

pler. It was my turn to open the mail that day, so I just put it on the

hours of music. Further, the C D s come in a

Mu s ic

that

could

floor. M u c h

It's subtitled Halo

Fourteen,

being

proper N I N release in

Reznors peculiar numbering system, and for

easily better

is the latest top- quality offering

than g o o d .

pile with the rest, not expecting much. I had a cursory listen to the

beautiful gatefold pack with the C D s laid

Material - Intonarumori

usual batch of lame indie tracks with no imagination and no soul.

out next to each other imaginatively labelled

Quite perhaps the future of

Then I slipped the tape in. Within five minutes I had called the label

left and right.

hip-hop.

and d e m a n d e d a full review copy, a n d selfishly hid the album to

Wicked.

Spain - She Haunts My Dreams

review myself. Yes, I know it's pathetic but I had to have this work of

left

art.

powerful and chugging tune. Then there's a

begins

with Somewhat

Damaged,

couple more sonic delights, and the remain-

Perfect for a Sunday spent in an armchair. Put it on repeat

This isn't just an album of beautiful beats, elegent melodies a n d

der weave into a clanking, grinding collage

play and relax.

painfully soulfull vocals - its also full of messages. Nitin talks about

of tunes, with The Great

Juantrip - Balmy Under the Storm

many subjects close to his heart, the current political situation in

graceful exit. Right

India a n d Pakistan, his parents move to London, their hopes a n d

doesn't suffer in quality.

Chill-out,

a n d will

fears for the future a n d the eventual integration of East and West.

and distinctly less mainstream than Left, it

funky

Below

providing a

is a little shorter but it More electronic

appeal to those who like Air

This album made me feel ashamed that I had not previously active-

rewards the listener's perseverance

and such like.

ly sought out the huge amount of music coming from all the many

some great tracks. Into the Void and Star-

with

The Folk Implosion - One Part Lullaby

communities in the UK - a n d not realising how much we have to

fuckers Inc. deserve mention for their pow-

learn from each other - and how great it can be (and how g o o d it

erful beats and vocals. Ripe (with decay)

Lo-fi. Unhappy. Alright.

can sound!), when everyone works together.

as soulful as it is eerie.

A fusion of a ridiculous num-

Back to the a l b u m . If I was forced to pick highlights, Letting G o ,

There's a distinct splitting of musical style

ber of styles. Better than the

Homelands

and Nadia

between

Puff Daddy title suggests.

out. Letting

Co has Tina G r a c e sing an touchingly delicate and razor

Shelby Lynne - I am... would be the ones I simply could not do with-

Left and Right. Whereas Right

seems more in the tradition of NIN's style,

Antenna - Installation

sharp vocal over a subtle blend of Spanish guitar, various drums and

Left sounds more like mainstream

Australian,

an increadiblu relaxing backdrop of crackly vinyl. A real heart ren-

rock. As you would expect the production

but not quite

hard

and mixing is slick and you have to be lis-

Kylie or Peter Andre. O k a y I

derer. Homelands

suppose,

Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan's nephews chanting the main vocals. A spine

tening with a very good sound system or

shout about.

shaking percussive menagery

headphones to catch the clever subtleties

Muse -

N i n a M i r a n d a of Smoke City leans in to with a refrain in Portugese

inherent in the recording. This is an album

Not as g o o d as it should be.

- 'Fragile is the land, and so are the minds of men'. Nadia

that should appeal to a wider audience than

Lots of styles, but more mis-

T h e River , the vocalist sings in the thumri style to help create a feel-

NIN's

matched than fused.

ing of fluid movment - relentless junglist beats don't d o any harm

haven't listened to anything else this week.

either.

Any open-minded person unafraid of loud

but nothing to

Leave

this alone. It's all gone a bit

has the entire 4 h e r o string section helping out and lifts you up and won't put you down. means

fanbase.

Personally, I

and heavy music should take a good look

tasha really...

at this.

G e t this album today - you'll still be listening to it next year. Is that alright?

hardcore

Bye Bye

Hardy

Joel

(

/ Sound Buggy Lovelord (Double Nougat)

Honeyz

Day One I'm Doin' Fine (Melankolic)

Jennifer Lopez Waiting for tonight (Columbia)

Never Let You Down (Mercury)

V o c a l l y s i m i l a r t o the A m e r i c a n

nasal

After t h e relative c r e d i -

s n e e r o f T h e Eels, it w o u l d b e fair t o say

One

bility

that the m u s i c is of their g e n r e a s w e l l .

Marsden a n d a clone was brought in,

flecked Had

her

hip-hop "If

debut My

Love"

Daddy's favourite

very

lucrative

Sound falsetto

but it doesn't matter 'cos it wasn't the o n e

makes Jimmy Somerville

Puff

this t a l e o f t h e d a n g e r s of i n c r e a s i n g

sound

Puer-

a c c e s s t o i n f o r m a t i o n . This track w o u l d

d u c e d s o u n d o f syrupy R'n'B p o p c o n t i n -

brother

sings anyway. T h e i r tightly

pro-

Lurch's

big

in c o m p a r i s o n .

b e i d e a l l y suited t o a n A m e r i c a n f i l m

ues with this track. A s ever, the c h o r u s is

Once

different

s o u n d t r a c k , possibly p l a y e d while the

instantly infectious, the verses i m m e d i -

worn

off,

ately forgettable. M a y b e they s h o u l d put

reveals

itself

half-

all their c h o r u s e s t o g e t h e r to m a k e o n e

h a p p y , c l a p p y little n u m -

b u t c h e r e d girl trying t o kick h e r w a y o u t

great single. A n d then all l e a v e t o b e a

ber

of the b o o t o r t h e car. G e t the i d e a ?

with a n ex-soap star p o p c h a n c e r .

bounce

of t h e d a y . M a y b e s h e is aim

high

who

is v e r y m u c h t h e o r d e r

singer

Buggy's

Lush strings a d d a d a r k a t m o s p h e r e t o

You

track. C h e e s y disco p o p

trying

The

Matthew

returns

to Rican actress with

of t h e m left to b e with

pre-teen

the

serial killer drives h o m e a s c a l m ever,

even

though

there's

with

Watch

mar-

the

shock

the of

has

Lovelord be

infectious

Air's

The Stars.

Kelly Come

the c h o r u s , it's all c h a n g e

ket, b u t this is just p a p

as t h e g e n t l e t o n e s m a k e w a y f o r s o m e p o g o rock.

Witness Hijacker (Island)

You

Monk & Cantella Enter the Monk EP (Telstar)

Little Mothers Yes! (Island)

softly-spoken, emotion-

If y o u c a n g e t p a s t t h e n a m e , you'll

A n o t h e r entry i n t o that w o r r y i n g s u b -

very

drenched, acoustic gui-

f i n d t h a t this d o e s b r i n g t h e n o i s e ,

g e n r e " S o n g s that s o u n d like 'Size of

American

tar-led

Endless

Verve-compar-

i s o n s a r e h u r l e d at this lot, w h i c h aren't e n t i r e l y unwarranted.

ironic

crooning

over

p a r t i c u l a r l y w a n t either. B a s i c a l l y , it's

y o u c a n file a f t e r that last

highly

doesn't

big be a t with imaginative/silly s a m -

p h o n i c s single). There are whispery

Extra p o i n t s f o r g e t t i n g

ples,

bits a n d s u b t l e r c h o r u s e s b u t it's still

little 'We're

failed'.

Subversive.

guitars

and

some

wideboy

Stereo-

stay

Verve. O n l y far, f a r bet-

still - " M y Style" starts a s a s i n g a l o n g ,

h a n d s o u n d p l a i n e v i l , in a n i n d i e -

ter.

bursts into Public Enemy-lite

and

a C o w ' b y T h e W o n d e r Stuff" ( w h i c h

a n n o y i n g . T h e B-sides o n t h e o t h e r

This

bitter

b u t n o t in a w a y y o u ' d e x p e c t , o r

sound m a d e up o n the spot.

the

of r e c e n t t i m e s , with a

with

lyrics.

however

more disturbing c h o o n s

The

music,

insightful tune

This

one

Probably

the

h o o l i e s h o u t i n g . T h i s lot c a n ' t

settling

British

70's

before

cop-show

the t o p of pleasant

kids

some pop.

chant

happy

trip-hop collision k i n d a way, a n d are c o n s e q u e n t l y better. J a u n t y .

theme. Random.

.Singles Ed

you

frequency A N

Skunk Anansie Brixton Academy 19th October

Rico Electric Ballroom 14th October

I'd never been to the Forum

If you hang around in the Felix office for long enough, people give you

Rico is making a name for himself as an

before I went to see A d d N

things.

to X and I can safely say that

Skunk Anansie, in about two hours time. It's a hard life. Brixton Academy

working with various bands, Rico went

it's a very nice venue. None

is huge - the biggest 'real' venue in London, and it was sold out. This

solo, attempting to get what he wanted out

may have been the reason I was stuck up in the circle seating, but since

of his music.

I had a review to write I didn't mind too much.

before the gig and this is what he had to

Add N to X The Forum 11th October

your

Wemble y

Arena

can't-see-a-damn-thing rub-

Sometimes the flu'. In my case, it was a pair of tickets to see

Felix had a chat to him

say...

bish. N o , this was a proper gig, with proper beer and

Ewan McFarlene walked onto stage with only an acoustic guitar and a

lots of people in black T-

Scottish flag to cover his seat. He looked very small on the huge stage

shirts.

but his voice made up for that.

Including the bald

intense, uncompromising rock act. After

He played three powerful, emotional

'My music tends to be kind of my darkest moments, that's where I go to. I spend just days kind of getting things out of me, so I

one from A d d N to X.

songs, to a politely enthusiastic reception. Muse play fairly strange, noisy indie, with a hard edge and some impressively bizarre guitar sounds.

use it to get me through. But I don't know

Seeing

Their songs seemed fairly long, with some nice solos. G o o d vocals, even

where it comes from. I'd say it comes from

A d d N to X was

another first f o r me: I knew

if I couldn't make out what they actually were. They pick up bonus points

experiences and things that move you,

a little of their music but I

for the stand-up bass, although their lack of visual performance doesn't

things that do something, they get under

was keen to hear them live

do them any favours. The crowd seemed to enjoy it though, with a few

your skin, get inside you.

after

people bouncing away towards the end.

them, you throw them back out.'

friend

labeled them

mine

You express

'Some people have put forward similarities

"mentalists".

A d d n to x pro-

This was Skunk's homecoming gig after two and a half years away from

between myself and artists like Nine Inch

to thrash

up the

these shores, and they gave Brixton a show to remember. Opening with

Nails and Tricky. I don't think I sound any-

stage for the next forty min-

Charlie Big Potato they treated us to an hour and a quarter or so of undi-

thing like them, and I think that Trent Reznor

utes with a vast array of

luted entertainment. The whole band are a frenetic blur of energy.

is a genius. I think people have to give out

bleepy

tarist Ace somehow manages to find the time between pogoing like a

markings for people to gauge where it is

thunderous drumbeats a n d

mad thing and throwing rock star poses to manipulate the twenty or so

before they've heard it. I suppose it can

experimental sounds. I par-

stomp boxes in front of him. Cass's bass and Mark's drumming are tight,

pish you off sometimes but it's quite flatter-

ticularly enjoyed the exten-

vibrant and energetic, and. they're both in constant motion. The star of

ing cos I really respect them both.

sive use of T h e r e m i n , but

the night though is vocalist Skin. As if her soaring, evocative and pas-

'I'm not into pop music at all. Music after

sionate voice wasn't enough in itself, she's a masterful frontwoman, teas-

a while as well gets so lethargic and so

Quite. ceeded

noises,

the a u d i e n c e

vocoders,

as a whole

Gui-

was u n m o v e d , which is a

ing and coaxing the crowd into a frenzy while using every inch of the

kind of withdrawn...

shame because I a m sure

stage to its full potential. She spent a fair amount of time in the photo pit,

tards strumming guitars with a little tune

These boring bas-

that if most of the crowd

laying hands on the audience, and even, to the security's horror, man-

with words that are about nothing, and it

sat d o w n a n d listened to

ages a brief stage dive. Al! the classics are played, with older songs such

just really pissed me off. It's just like fuck

them,

as I C a n Dream and closer Little Baby Swastikka getting as good a

off, don't bother. Get a real job.

enjoy

they their

would

really

distinctive

response as more recent material from their new Post Orgasmic Chill LP There's constant motion and a steady stream of crowd surfers, especial-

sound.

Okay then Rico, so you talk the talk well,

ly for anthemic tracks like Twisted (Every Day Hurts) and Weak. The light

but can you walk the walk? Thankfully, the

A d d N to X are not really a

and shade dynamics are well-executed, and five thousand or so people

following show is more than impressive.

band

are baying for more as the main set closes.

suited

to live

per-

Rico's stage presence fits well with the brutal, industrial-tinged music, and his first sin-

f o r m a n c e , but they are definitely o n e worth checking

O n e of the most spectacular and impressive gigs I've had the pleasure

gle, Attack M e , finishes the set in consider-

at h o m e .

of attending. Let's hope they're back soon.

able style. O n e to watch, most definitely.

Christian

Gareth

WARREN G

Summer Sinters

Tha Bomb - Phat Boy Thin Milen Is Back!

Warren G I Want It All (G-Funk/Restless)

Tick, Tick, Tock

B o o m ! W h a t ' s U P ! T h a B o m b is b a c k after a l o n g

h a r d s u m m e r a n d w e ' r e g o n n a b e b r i n g i n g a l l of y'all b a c k u p t o d a t e with t h e g o i n g s o n a n d h a p p e n i n g s o f t h e R & B w o r l d . Last y e a r T h a B o m b b l e w u p b i g a n d h o p e f u l l y w e c a n k e e p that g o i n g with

Y o u didn't buys these? ... F o o l s , t h e s e a r e t h e t u n e s

T h e m a s t e r o f G - f u n k returns t o the fray w a x -

i n t e r v i e w s a n d b a d a s s r e v i e w s , b u t till w e c a n sort that shit o u t y o u

of t h e s u m m e r a n d y o u n o t

ing lyrical a b o u t the g a n g s t a life. This e a g e r l y

g o n n a h a v e t o d o with t h e latest n e w s .

let t h e m p a s s y o u b y ! ! !

a w a i t e d a l b u m is t h e first c u t f r o m his n e w l a b e l G - F u n k . T h e W e s t side i n f l u e n c e h a s

First u p t h e M O B O s , t h e M u s i c O f B l a c k O r i g i n A w a r d s w e r e h e l d just

Missy Elliot -

g i v e n his l a i d b a c k f l o w a r o u g h e r e d g e . N e w

r o u n d t h e c o r n e r f r o m us at t h e R o y a l A l b e r t H a l l

d o we get given

With

a voice

label h e m i g h t h a v e but he's still d o w n with his

a n y tickets t o g o t h e r e a n d c h e c k it o u t . . . . n o . But r a t h e r t h a n rant a n d

does

she r a p at all?

o l d crew, laying d o w n track after t r a c k with

r a v e o n t h e i r s l a c k n e s s o n tickets I'm g o n n a h a v e a g o a t the e v e n t . F o r

Elliot is n o t a n artist t o b e

Nate D o g g .

the s e c o n d y e a r in a r o w M e l B o r G , y o u k n o w Scan/, w a s h o s t i n g t h e

ignored.

T h e t w o w e r e t h e perfect c o m -

Missy

Nas - Hate Me Now

p l e m e n t b a c k in t h e d a y g i v i n g us s u c h H i p

e v e n t , y o u ' d t h i n k they w o u l d t o l e a r n f r o m t h e i r m i s t a k e s

H o p classics a s Regulate,

bu t t i m e h a s s e e n

w a s h e r u s u a l l y truly s c a r y self a n d w a s literally j u m p i n g o u t o f h e r d r e s s ,

Such a tune, y o u can't

t h e m e v o l v e into different artists a n d n o w t h e

y e a h s h e d e c i d e d t o f o l l o w G e r i ' s a d v i c e a n d let it a l l h a n g o u t . W y c l e f

this.

p a i r i n g c a n o n l y p r o d u c e t h e industry s t a n -

l o o k e d like h e w a s o n s p e e d t h e entire t i m e , but w a s a t least f u n n y a n d

this o n e a n d it's o n e I l o v e

dard

w o u l d h a v e d o n e better with a n y o n e e l s e by his s i d e . T h e w o r s e p e r s o n

702 -

f r o m t h e s a m e l a b e l flip lyrics o v e r t h e m i c .

o n t h e n i g h t w a s Patsy P a l m e r , y o u k n o w that a n n o y i n g t h i n g f r o m East-

Tune

Fortunately t h e s i n g l e r e l e a s e off this a l b u m /

e n d e r s , s h e w a s s o f u c k i n g irritating I just w a n t e d t o s l a p her. O n c e a g a i n t h e m u s i c s a v e d t h e entire event with t h e c r e a m o f British t a l e n t

Naughty by Nature Jamboree

d o i n g t h e i r t h a n g , K e l e Le R o c r o c k e d t h e p l a c e with t h e H o n e y z a n d

It's a j a m , j a m , j a m a n d its

Want

collaboration

where

random

bodies

It All leaves us in n o d o u b t W a r r e n G

c a n still o p e r a t e

in a h o o k - u p , a s h e a n d

no. M e l

like this w h y

hate

N a s hit it L A R G E with

nuff s a i d

B e v e r l y K n i g h t stole t h e s h o w . T h o s e o f y o u w h o w h e r e a r o u n d last y e a r

naughty,

N o d o u b t with his n e w l a b e l

m i g h t r e m e m b e r that y o u r s truly w a s a b l e t o s c a m a n i n t e r v i e w with B e v -

These boyz rock.

a l o n g s i d e his n e w status he'll s o o n b e getting

erly a n d t o l d h e r b a c k t h e n that s h e h a d t o w i n s o m e sort o f a w a r d . A

Wild Wild West - Will Smith

" m o n e y , fast c a r s , g o l d c h a i n s a n d c h a m -

y e a r a f t e r w a r d s it h a p p e n s . . . . I ' m just t o o g o o d at this!

W i c k y , wicky, w i l d w i l d !

Mack

1 0 f l o w t h r o u g h their t a k e o v e r o f t h e

material w o r l d .

naughty,

naughty.

You

have to love M r Smith.

p a g n e , shit every d a m n t h i n g " . The biggest news of the s u m m e r w a s the s u p p o s e d break-up of BlackSince

t h e i r third

album

dropped

last y e a r

there

have

been

Destiny's Child - Bug A Boo Phat

track,

gonna

A m o n g s t others the G - m a s t e r h a s s u m m o n e d

street.

S n o o p , K u r u p t a n d Slick Rick t o the m i c . T h e

r u m o u r s f l o a t i n g a b o u t b e c a u s e o f t h e w a y it w a s r e c e i v e d , t h e t h i n g

Hot, H O T !

Gang Starr -

be hot,

S o S o D e f c o n n e c t i o n is there in t h e f o r m o f

s a n k like t h e T i t a n i c . T e d d y Riley w a s s a i d to h a v e b e e n r e a d y t o j a c k it

J e r m a i n e D u p r i w h o a d d s his c l e a n c u t lyrics

a l l in after t h e l a b e l started g e t t i n g o n t h e i r b a c k s a b o u t it. T h e n n e w s

Lyrics g a l o r e , y o u k n o w t h e

to H a v i n ' T h i n g s . This t u n e s h o w s off the G ' s

b r o k e that C h a u n c e y 'Black' H a n n i b a l w a s a c t u a l i y gay, m o r e

s c o r e f r o m t h e g h e t t o royalty

p r o d u c t i o n skillz a s h e b l e n d s s o m e o f t h e

that T e d d y

Eastside's s m o o t h e s t artists in a t u n e

C h a u n c e y b u t n e v e r by Teddy. I n t e r s c o p e e n d e d t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p with

describes

his d o w n - l o w

approach

which to the

h a d ask C h a u n c e y

to leave the b a n d

were

T e d d y Riley's Lil M a n R e c o r d s a n d T e d d y h a s a n n o u n c e d

rumours

d e n i e d by

he's g i v i n g

of t h e r a p w o r l d . T h e y pu t in a w i c k e d p e r f o r m a n c e at this summer's

Creamfields

B l a c k s t r e e t a b r e a k t o w o r k o n t h e G u y R e u n i o n p r o j e c t . T h e s i t u a t i o n is

well.

nothin' c h a n g e d " , this a l b u m is m u c h like his

all i n t h e air, b u t i t ' s o b v i o u s that s o m e t h i n g ' s n o t right. T h e n e w G u y

Mobb Deep -

p r e v i o u s cuts. A c o u p l e o f the tracks s u c h a s

joint is d u e o u t i n N o v e m b e r .

Darker than

music business.

Just like the m a n says "ain't

developed

while

we've

all been

waiting.

Storm

b l a c k f r o m the

lords o f hard hip h o p .

the tribute t o his m o t h e r s h o w h o w h e h a s Q u i c k bit o f n e w s

y o u all should have heard of Rodney

Darkchild

Deep

hit it h a r d

so badly

J e r k i n s , t h e b o y is p r o b a b l y t h e b u s i e s t , a n d d e f i n i t e l y u p t h e r e with t h e

summer

n e e d s , W a r r e n G h a s refused t o l e a v e the o l d

b e s t , p r o d u c e r s in t h e b u s i n e s s . E v e r y o n e k n o w s t h e D a r k c h i l d w o r k i n g

Muzik

skool, rhyming a b o u t the dollars, the d o p e

a w a y o n t h e n e w M i c h a e l J a c k s o n a l b u m , bu t it h a s c o m e to light that

the t o p t r a c k . It's g o t a W h i t e

a n d the dealers.

he's a l s o w o r k i n g with o u r very o w n S p i c e G i r l s o n their n e w joint. O h

Lines s a m p l e

d e a r ! This c o u l d b e t h e w o r s t d e c i s i o n o f his life. Laterz.

Nice.

Rather t h a n t h e re-birth G a n g s t a

T h a t s a i d , it's g o o d t o h e a r

to f r o m t h e m a n w h o f u n k e d u p hip h o p . AWOL

Miien

with

Mobb

over the

their

Murda

a l b u m , a n d this w a s

o n it a s w e l l .

Maja

frequency * A v O

£3 Bedrock @ Heaven A night to remember..

home @ home London has been waiting for a

Recommended Clubbing O k a y , y o u k n o w the s c o r e . go clubbing then

new c l u b t o c o m p e t e with t h e likes

of C r e a m

and Gate-

T h u r s d a y m i d - O c t o b e r , it's m i d a f t e r n o o n a n d this lecturer is b o r i n g t h e

maybe

l u s h o u s d e l i g h t s is f o r y o u . . .

crasher for ages, only for two

pants off m e .

to arrive m o r e o r less s i m u l t a -

M a n a n d H i s D o g , but f o r s o m e r e a s o n he s e e m s t o b e w a l k i n g u p a n d

Monday

neously. W i t h Fabric's d e l a y e d

d o w n in front of the b o a r d not unlike a p i g e o n n o d d i n g his h e a d b a c k w a r d s

Trash @ The Annexe; £4

opening

a n d forwards.

the main

question

has b e e n : c a n h o m e p o s s i b l y live

u p t o its m u c h

hyped

N o t o n l y is his v o i c e m o r e b o r i n g t h a n a n e p i s o d e o f O n e

O d d . H o w e v e r , b e c a u s e m y m i n d is e l s e w h e r e , a l l this

25th

D o n ' t k n o w m u c h a b o u t this o n e , b u t it's got b e g o o d f o r it's f o r the l a u n c h of

m a d b a n g i n g tune g o i n g r o u n d a n d r o u n d my h e a d .

M e a t L o a f ' s n e w b o o k ! A l l e g e d l y this will

T h e r e a s o n f o r this

is o b v i o u s . Tonight at H e a v e n , o n e of London's best c l u b s , sees the B e d r o c k

the

first birthday party. S p i n n i n g the d e c k s will b e B e d r o c k s u p r e m o J o h n D i g -

hell a w a y .

w e e d a n d pals S a s h a a n d D a n n y H o w e l l s , a n d I k n o w it's g o n n a b e l a r g e . . .

Tuesday

answer,

The

thankfully,

Despite its C a n a r y W h a r f like

Square

b e p a c k e d , s o g e t t h e r e e a r l y o r stay t h e

26th

October

Rhum Pa'Ti @ Bar Rhumba; £3

r e s o u n d i n g yes.

appearance

October

doesn't b o t h e r m e . M y f o o t is t a p p i n g , my k n e e is j u m p i n g a n d there's this

billing a s " T h e s u p e r c l u b f o r 21st Century"?

If y o u w a n n a o n e of these

a n d Leicester

location, home w a s

Five h o u r s later a n d I'm there, o r at least I'm in the right p l a c e - staring at a

Post s a l s a c l a s s k n e e s - u p fu!! o f f u n k y

q u e u e stretching r o u n d three sides o f b l o c k , a h e a v i n g q u e u e o f like m i n d -

Anglo-Latin groovers.

e d c l u b b e r s ready f o r a m a s s i v e Thursday.

e x p e c t e d a n d if this is y o u r t h i n g , just get

O f c o u r s e I w o r k f o r well

r e n o w n e d m u s i c m a g Felix a n d security a r e e x p e c t i n g m e .

O n e lax s e c u -

T h e tunes a r e as

d o w n the R h u m b a .

Avanti @ The Gardening Ckub; £3

not full o f tourists m i s t a k i n g it

rity c h e c k a n d I'm i n . Despite the n u m b e r o f p e o p l e outside it's a l r e a d y

for E q u i n o x , t h a n k s t o a fairly

p a c k e d a n d the d a n c e f l o o r is a sweaty m a s s o f m e a t - it's h e a v e n , it's g a y

£1 a d r i n k Le S c a n d a l e a l t e r n a t i v e .

strict d o o r policy.

a n d I love it. After a q u i c k pit stop at the b a r (a bottle o f Red - t o taste it is

4 0 p m o r e , b u t it's just a s m u c h f u n . Y o u

Instead t h e

to love it), it's time to c h e c k out my H e a v e n . T h e chill-out c o f f e e b a r is d e a d

only have two optionsl

with i n c r e d i b l y u p f o r it c l u b -

- n o n e e d t o revisit here t h e n .

Friday

bers e n j o y i n g a g r e a t set o f

bers a r e t w o strikingly d i s s i m i l a r a t m o s p h e r e s .

dance

hard

floors

house

were

from

rammed

American

Upstairs in t w o s e w e r e s q u e v a u l t e d c h a m O n e is lit by s m o k y r e d

l a m p s p l a y i n g funky m u s i c to w h i c h b o o z e d u p o l d i e s (I'm o n l y y o u n g me)

s p e c i a l guest D a n n y T e n a g l i a ,

a r e g o i n g crazy.

before

with punters g o i n g crazy in a n all t o g e t h e r different kin d of way.

O a k e n f o l d took

over

T h e other, a d e c i d e d l y darker, g r a n d e r r o o m , is p a c k e d

some

serious

hero

worship

29nd October Numb Nums @ Epping Forest Country Club; £12 Leave your h a n d b a g s at h o m e , but get your dancing shoes on.

the d e c k s at 1 . 3 0 ( i n d u c i n g

Lamont But e n o u g h is e n o u g h .

D o w n s t a i r s o n t h e m a i n d a n c e f l o o r is w h e r e the

It's

a n d other

With Matt J a m

superstars

o n the

d e c k s it'll b e a b i g o n e . T h e v e n u e ' s

f r o m most o f the c r o w d ) . H i s

a c t i o n will be f o r the rest of my night in H e a v e n . D i g w e e d , S a s h a a n d H o w -

set w a s s p o t o n , with l o a d s o f

ells o n the d e c k s , o n e lady in a see-through dress a n d a n o t h e r g o i n g crazy

p e r f e c t v e n u e t o strut y o u r stuff i n style.

great t u n e s , e n d i n g with a b r i l -

with s o m e light sticks - it's a night t o r e m e m b e r .

Saturday

liant v e r s i o n o f his o w n P l a n e t

H e a v e n S cen t, next it's three o ' c l o c k a n d finally it's over. I c o u l d ' v e stayed till

fabric @ fabric; £12

Perfecto's 'Bullet In T h e G u n .

six, b u t I'll b e b a c k after a m o n t h o f p u r g a t o r y b a c k in H e a v e n , b a c k in

A f t e r last w e e k ' s l a u n c h , t h e g u y s a t F a b -

Bedrock.

ric p r o v i d e a n o t h e r a b s o l u t e l y s t o r m i n g

T h e n , s u d d e n l y there's

S e e you there?

a l s o b e e n g i v e n a m a j o r refit a n d is a

30rd

October

recommend

Boycey

l i n e u p . F o r a start t h e r e ' s S a s h a a n d

h o m e - sure it's e x p e n s i v e , b u t

B e d r o c k will b e b a c k at H e a v e n o n 1 1th N o v e m b e r .

D e r r i c k M a y , a n d a s i t ' s g o i n g o n till

I would

it's a

highly

unique

venue

with

7am

great line u p . G e t there early,

..Competition.

as they're q u e u i n g r o u n d t h e length

it w i l l d e f i n i t e l y b e a n o t h e r

n i g h t . S h a k e it a l l o v e r b a b y , a n d

great maybe

I'll s e e y o u t h e r e ?

of the Square, a n d

m a k e sure y o u k n o w a little

T h e B e d r o c k mix by J o h n D i g w e e d is o u t n o w o n I N C - r e d i b l e r e c o r d s ,

To have your

about

a n d y o u c a n w i n a c o p y by a n s w e r i n g this s i m p l e q u e s t i o n . W h a t is t h e

invite

d o o r m e n . I c a n safely say that

address of London's H e a v e n nightclub?

we like it we'll

F a b r i c h a s a lot to live u p to.

with

dance

music

f o r the

Max

name

Answers o n a piece of paper

/ d e p t i n t o t h e b o x in t h e Felix o f f i c e , o r b y e - m a i l t o

music.felix@ic.ac.uk.

Nice.

e-mail: phone:

us along,

club

added

we'll

to this list just

check

it out and if

put it down

felix@ic.ac.uk 020 7594

8072

ask for James

25 O c t o b e r 1 9 9 9 â&#x20AC;˘

Books

fly

War Zone, Alexander Stuart

East and West, Chris Patten

Fight

This controversial book has just been republished, complete with the obligatory film diary to tie in with the recent release of Tim Roth's film adaptation.

Former Bath MR one-time Conservative Party chairman and Last British Governor of Hong Kong, Chris Patten was, it seemed, headed for early political retirement. But with a first-rate CV, Patten need not have worried too much about his future, and began to write about the five years (I 9921997) he governed Hong Kong. As things have turned out, Patten shouldn't have worried at all - he is now European Commissioner for Foreign Affairs. Look out for his book on Expanding Europe in five years or so.

Chuck Palah-

From the outset this novel has a shocking plotline. An apparently 'normal' middleclass family has moved from London to tranquil Devon. Following a car accident, the mother gives birth on the car seat without anaesthetic in front of her voyeuristic family. The narrator of the novel is 1 5 year old Tom, a hostile, rebellious adolescent who opposed the families' move by trying to burn down his school. Tom unexpectedly witnesses a possible sexual encounter between his father and sister. After this discovery he is drawn into an obsessive sexual game with his sister Jessie as he attempts to discover the truth about his family. This obsession eventually leads to violence as the family gradually breaks down. In a wider context, this can be seen as an allegory of the materialism and greed inherent in Thatcherite England. The disturbing twist in this compelling story is that Jessie is not a victim of incestuous abuse. On the contrary she is the instigator of the relationship, seducing her father for the sexual challenge. "Incest is brilliant. It's scarier than shagging some Adam in a pub car park or stroking some girl's thigh in some Fulham cafe". Jessie is portrayed as a manipulative character, exploring the dark side of her own sexuality. Aspects of this include a sadomasochistic lesbian lover in London, with whom Tom loses his virginity and a local Buddhist boyfriend. The character of Jessie is unbelievable and as such weakens the credibility of the novel in my opinion. This novel has amazing raw, visual imagery but is often sensationalist and incredibly shocking. It is a dark, claustrophobic novel with vivid descriptions. However the subject matter is truly disturbing so approach with caution. Eleanor

From the outset, Chris Patten tells us that his book is NOT: a) an autobiographical account of his life (I guess he will probably be doing that later), b) a detailed account of his Governorship of Hong Kong, c) a book exaggerating or belittling East Asian Tiger values, or d) an economic textbook about East Asia. So what is the book about then? That's what I had to read the book to find out in this new, updated paperback edition of East and West. The first part is entitled 'Governing' and it tells the story of his five years as Governor. We are introduced very quickly to Patten's central belief that the Chinese government is totalitarian and uses despotic techniques to deal with its own people and foreign countries. We also become aware that as far as Patten is concerned, the deceased British Empire was not an imperial force but an enlightening one. Further, we gather quickly that Patten sees liberal free market economics as the only way to go. In the second part, 'The View From Hong Kong', he essentially tries to substantiate his argument that free economics should go hand in hand with free politics. He takes a moderate position on the successes of the Tiger economies, pointing out that it was inevitable that there would be a slowdown. We hop along from one East Asian country to the next while he describes the politics as well as the economics of each. Finally, in the third part, 'Looking to the Future', he outlines his vision of the twenty-first century. Surprisingly, he paints a rosy picture of East catching up with West, with both sharing good standards of living. He insists that for this to happen certain matters of lack of political freedom and socialist economics must wind down Surprisingly, Patten writes well for a politician, he is honest, light-hearted, and does not impress on us too much with flashy literary devices. It is his underlying beliefs and ideas that come out clearest, which is a good thing. No wonder the China Daily wrote of his book: ".. .the portrait of a narrow-minded, retired politician who vents his spleen over those who opposed his perverse actions - extremely provocative language". Ahmed

Club,

niuk For fans of the genre pioneered by Douglas Coupland - Gen X angst - Fight Club is a strong new addition. The story of a young white collar worker who is fed up with his place in an overtly materialistic society, Fight Club's characters answer is not to sit around lamenting society's ills, but rather to make the world a better place via blowing up office buildings. A very interesting read and a cool book stylistically. Buy it, read it, and then see the movie. Russell

2 0 % Off! Each of the books reviewed this week is available from the Waterstones bookstore on Campus (beside the main library) at a 2 0 % discount.

Triple Exposure

Remember This

Candide

V&A

National Theatre

Free t o Students - Till J a n 3 0

£ 7 . 5 0 f o r students t h r o u g h o u t O c t o b e r

In r e p , f i n a l p e r f o r m a n c e : T u e 2 5 t h J a n u a r y 2 0 0 0

7:30pm

Student Standby £ 1 0

" W e a r e s o lucky, w e h a v e three

The

superb

sees

museums

literally

just

new Stephen

Poliakoff play at t h e N a t i o n a l

h i m r e u n i t e d with

Theatre

director R o n Daniels. Th e pair

Musicals:

most p e o p l e think of s o a r i n g , romantic

p o p t u n e s , s t u n n i n g d a n c e r o u t i n e s a n d h u g e sets.

d o w n the r o a d " I t o l d m y M u m

w o r k e d together previously o n , a m o n g s t other things, the

Indeed,

when

a w a r d - w i n n i n g ' B l i n d e d by the S u n ' , a n d Poliakoff himself

w o u l d still b e b r i l l i a n t if t h e h e l i c o p t e r s a n d b a r r i -

h a s w o n n u m e r o u s a c c o l a d e s f o r his p l a y s a n d f i l m s .

c a d e s that w e a r e a l l u s e d t o w e r e t a k e n a w a y . T h e

I g o t here.

Three

d o w n the line, I h av e

years

managed

o n e starts t o t h i n k w h e t h e r

these

shows

N a t i o n a l ' s latest m u s i c a l o f f e r i n g f o r its c u r r e n t r e p

the S c i e n c e a n d N a t u r a l History M u s e u m s o n c e a n d the V & A not

D e a l i n g with i s s u e s s i m i l a r t o t h o s e i n his s u p e r b t r i l o g y o f

at a l l . F o r the first time I p o p p e d

f i l m s ' S h o o t i n g t h e P a s t ' , h e tells t h e story o f f a i l e d e n t r e -

s e a s o n s u g g e s t s that they m o s t d e f i n i t e l y w o u l d .

in, a n d inside I f o u n d the C a n o n

p r e n e u r Rick (Stanley T o w n s e n d )

p h o t o gallery currently s h o w i n g

collection

the Triple Exposure exhibition.

' e n t e r p r i s e s ' i n t h e lat e 7 0 ' s a r e d e t e r i o r a t i n g i n t o a serie s

u a t i o n a p p e a r s a t t h e t i m e , r e s u l t i n g in t h e n o t i o n

o f b l o t c h e d i m a g e s . H e f i n d s , v i a t w o S w i s s a r c h i v i s t s , that

that " E v e r y t h i n g is f o r t h e best in t h e best o f all p o s -

the e v e n t s o f r e c e n t history a r e a l s o b e i n g e r a s e d

sible w o r l d s " . J o h n C a i r d ' s n e w v e r s i o n uses a b a s i c

Triple

Exposure

s h o w c a s e s the

of wedding

videos

w h o discovers that t h e

made

during

o n e of his

from

C a n d i d e is b a s e d o n t h e b o o k by V o l t a i r e , a n d p r o m o t e s u n f a i l i n g o p t i m i s m n o m a t t e r h o w a w f u l a sit-

work o f three p h o t o g r a p h e r s o f

videos worldwide.

Realising the possible implications of

but i n g e n i o u s set, d e s i g n e d by t h e m a s t e r o f m u s i c a l

the

this d i s c o v e r y h e s e e s his last c h a n c e t o m a k e his f o r t u n e .

set d e s i g n J o h n N a p i e r , letting his c a s t g i v e t h e tal e

1960s

- Michael

Cooper,

J o h n C o w a n a n d R o n a l d Traeger.

But t h e r e s u l t i n g e v e n t s a r e u n p r e d i c t a b l e a n d n o t e v e r y -

a p a c e a n d life that n e v e r w a i v e s , e v e n t h r o w i n g i n

All three

thing g o e s quite to plan.

the o d d P y t h o n - e s q u e m o m e n t a l o n g t h e way.

enjoyed

brief,

intense

professional lives, untimely d e a t h claiming

D e s p i t e i m p e c c a b l e s t a g i n g a n d the very innovative use o f

Although more f a m o u s f o r musicals such as West

d e c a d e f a d e d t o a close. These

them

just

v i d e o a n d m u s i c , t h e p l a y s o m e h o w just d o e s n ' t w o r k a n d

S i d e Story a n d O n t h e T o w n , B e r n s t e i n ' s

photographers

them

l e a v e s a strange f e e l i n g of listlessness. T h e ch aract e r s a r e ,

C a n d i d e is p r o b a b l y t h e c o m p o s e r ' s m o s t a c c o m -

have w o r k e d with the Stones, t h e

in t h e m o s t p a r t , true t o life, a l m o s t t o t h e p o i n t o f b e i n g

plished theatrical score. H e c h o s e Voltaire's b o o k as

Beetles,

Twiggy a n d

m u n d a n e a n d it is t h e i r f a m i l i a r i t y that e x p o s e s t h e i m p l a u -

it g a v e h i m t h e c h a n c e t o a t t a c k t h e o p t i m i s m that

M a r y Q u a n t . In m a n y w a y s they

sibility o f t h e t a l e . The. story d o e s n ' t q u i t e r i n g t r u e , n o r

p r e v a i l e d in 1 9 5 0 ' s A m e r i c a u n d e r D w i g h t D E i s e n -

redefined

photography

a r o u s e m u c h interest i n spit e o f t h e a c t o r s o f t e n e x a g g e r -

hower's

a n d yet there a r e a l s o incredibly

ated attempts t o c o n v i n c e us otherwise. O u r e m o t i o n s a r e

n u m b e r o f lyricists, i n c l u d i n g t h e l e g e n d a r y

thoughtful pieces here.

n o t s t i r r e d by t h e i d e a o f l o s i n g a f e w v i d e o s , a n d this is t h e

S o n d h e i m , results in s o m e o f t h e wittiest lyrics I h a v e

play's downfall.

e v e r h e a r d o n the s t a g e .

T h e real g e n i u s in C a n d i d e , h o w e v e r , is that it m a n -

between

Kubrick,

fashion

their

Cooper

p h o t o g r a p h e d t h e c o v e r f o r the

Operetta

p r e s i d e n c y , a n d his c o l l a b o r a t i o n with a Stephen

S e r g e a n t P e p p e r a l b u m but his grainy

shots o f the G r o v e s n o r

W i t h a m a z e o f s t o r y l i n e s , a n d a n o f t e n j u m p y f o r m a t (the

S q u a r e anti-Vietnam riots better

c h a r a c t e r s a l t e r n a t e l y relive t h e e v e n t s a n d p r e s e n t t h e i r

a g e s to b e satirical a n d hilarious, but at the s a m e

capture the p e r i o d .

own

t i m e a s k s t h o s e w o r l d l y q u e s t i o n s that w e a l l w o u l d

N o n e t h e l e s s , t h e p l a y is a t t i m e s v e r y funny, with m o s t o f

like a n a n s w e r t o . Y o u will roll in t h e a i s l e s , q u e s t i o n

L o o k at the w o r l d t h r o u g h these

the h u m o u r c o m i n g f r o m the t w o Swiss, w h o a r e m e r c i -

y o u r o w n e x i s t e n c e a n d f e e l t h e hairs rise o n y o u r

pictures a n d y o u l o o k with t h e

lessly p a r o d i e d , a n d a r e in f a c t t h e o n l y c h a r a c t e r s with a n y

neck.

eyes o f s o m e o n e w h o w a s there

r e a l p a n a c h e . A bit o f a l e t - d o w n really, a s it c o u l d h a v e

m i g h t just c h a n g e y o u r m i n d .

a n d w h o w a s a part o f the r e v o -

w o r k e d very well - a m o r e g r i p p i n g ' d i s c o v e r y ' w o u l d h a v e

g o a n d s e e this, but f o r o n c e y o u w o n ' t h a v e t o l o o k

lution.

m a d e all the difference.

t h r o u g h t h e set t o s e e t h e r e a l s h o w .

•••an

Tom

retrospective m o n o l o g u e s ) , the m e s s a g e

is u n c l e a r .

Judy a n d G i l l i a n

If y o u d o n ' t like " M u s i c a l s " , g o a n d s e e this, it If y o u l o v e m u s i c a l s ,

B e n Pickersgill

T h o s e of y o u w h o a p p r e c i a t e a n d enjoy

T h e writer of S h o p p i n g a n d

L u c i o F o n t a n a w a s , w i t h o u t d o u b t , a h e a d o f his t i m e . B e f o r e the likes o f

F u c k i n g returns. M a r k R a v e n

Damian

Hill

F o n t a n a w a s p u s h i n g the b o u n d a r i e s of w h a t w e c o n s i d e r art a n d l e a d -

c o l l a r s a n d stern e x p r e s s i o n s , will love this

is a

thoughtful

writer;

Hirst a n d S a r a h

Lucas w e r e a s p a r k l e in their f a t h e r ' s e y e ,

early 1 7 t h century art, with all its stiff n e c k

intelligent but not heavy, c o n -

i n g t h e Italian a v a n t - g a r d e , whilst later i n s pi ri n g the likes of A n d y W a h o l

e x h i b i t i o n , as V a n D y c k is the u n r i v a l l e d

troversial but not c o n t r i v e d .

a n d H e n r y M o o r e . It is i r o n i c that s u c h a n influential s c u l p t o r is s o n e g -

king in this f i e l d .

T h e c o r e of t h e play rests o n

lected by t h e British p u b l i c - s o m e t h i n g w h i c h this e x h i b i t i o n is trying to

the b a l a n c e b e t w e e n

address.

ness a n d m e a n i n g .

happi-

O v e r 1 0 0 of V a n D y c k ' s portraits, religious a n d mythological works a r e o n show, r a n g -

Let m e

e x p l a i n ; o n o n e side w e h a v e

B o r n in 1 8 9 9 , F o n t a n a is best k n o w n f o r " s l a s h i n g " his c a n v a s e s . T h e

ing f r o m s m a l l sketches t o m a s s i v e 3 metre

" T r a s h " , a l l they d o is d r i n k ,

e x h i b i t i o n a p p e a r s to a n t i c i p a t e t h e p u b l i c ' s r e l u c t a n c e t o a c c e p t this a s

tall p a i n t i n g s . T h e c l o t h i n g in the portraits

not m u c h

art a n d c o n f r o n t s these p r e c o n c e p t i o n s by putting his earliest w o r k - t r a -

a r e w h a t steal the s h o w - the d e t a i l , texture,

hedonists.

d i t i o n a l s c u l p t u r e - i m m e d i a t e l y a s y o u enter. T h e exh i bi t i o n then presents

f o l d s a n d c o l o u r s of the g a r m e n t s a r e f a n -

dance else

and...and

- hard

core

a n u m b e r o f m o r e ' c l a s s i c a l ' s c u l p t u r e s , beautifully j u x t a p o s e d with p a r -

tastic. H o w e v e r , d o n ' t e x p e c t the exh i bi t i o n

from

a d o x i c a l p i e c e s i n f l u e n c e d f r o m his w o r k in a c o m m e r c i a l pottery factory.

to c h e e r y o u u p as b l a c k is the m o s t fre-

This s e n s e of p a r o d y is a l w a y s e v i d e n t , a l t h o u g h I a m hesitant a b o u t s o m e

ously d e e p l y untrendy in V a n Dycks e r a . In

side w e h a v e the S o c i a l i s t , h e

of t h e p i e c e s w h i c h s e e m m o r e i n s p i r e d by the w o r k of u n d e r a c h i e v i n g

fact, a f e l l o w visitor c o m m e n t e d , " H e (Van

has

f o u r y e a r o l d s rather t h a n " N e o l i t h i c a r t " , a s I w a s a s s u r e d !

They

consciously

remove their

all

sexual

relationships.

always

try

meaning and

quently u s e d c o l o u r , a n d s m i l i n g w a s o b v i -

otherwise

O n the o t h e r

believed

in the

Dyck) h a s a n i n c r e d i b l e k n a c k of m a k i n g everyone look constipated!"

c a u s e a n d never s o l d o u t o r c o m p r o m i s e d in a n y w a y , h e

H o w e v e r , the e x h i b i t i o n then m o v e s upstairs a n d w e a r e p r e s e n t e d with t h e

is - t h e r e f o r e - a t r a m p . H e

" S p a t i a l c o n c e p t s " (or cut u p bits of p a p e r a s us phiiistines w o u l d h a v e it).

Personally, I a m not a m a j o r f a n of this type

takes everything seriously a n d

S i n c e F o n t a n a h a s a l r e a d y b e e n p r o v e n to b e a n o b v i o u s l y s ki l l e d s c u l p -

of art a n d w a s i n c l i n e d t o write it off before

finds difficulty h a v i n g s h a l l o w

tor it is h a r d t o d i s m i s s his w o r k a s m e r e p r e t e n t i o u s shite. Ev en t h e most

I s a w it. H o w e v e r , if y o u t a k e t i m e to study

friends a n d p a s t i m e s . B a l a n c -

h a r d e n e d c y n i c finds t h e m s e l v e s s e a r c h i n g f o r a n u n d e r l y i n g p h i l o s o p h y ,

each

ing o u t these extreme s lies t h e

s o e v i d e n t in the p r e v i o u s l y s e e n p i e c e s .

i n s p i r e d by t h e m - e s p e c i a l l y a s m a n y of the

M R w h o h a s s o l d o u t in t h e

This is the e x h i b i t i o n ' s strongest p o i n t ; w e a r e led gently into c o n f r o n t i n g

w a s only n i n e t e e n .

eyes o f the Socialists.

o u r p r e c o n c e p t i o n s o f art. W e a r e g r a d u a l l y i n t r o d u c e d t o his m o r e c h a l -

ex-socialist, w a n n a b e L a b o u r

They

a r e all u n h a p p y .

picture y o u m a y well find yourself

pictures w e r e d r a w n by V a n D y c k w h e n he

l e n g i n g w o r k , l e a d i n g t o a g r e a t e r a p p r e c i a t i o n o f the historical a n d p h i l o -

I w o u l d r e c o m m e n d the exh i bi t i o n to a n y of

s o p h i c a l i n f l u e n c e s in art. It h i g h l i g h t s F o n t a n a s ' redef in itio n of s c u l p t u r e

yo u art f an s o u t t h ere , but f o r the rest of us

All s o u n d a bit o b v i o u s ? Y u p .

in a n a g e o f n u c l e a r p o w e r , t e l e v i s i o n a n d s p a c e travel a n d q u e s t i o n s the

I w o u l d a d v i s e getting y o u r cultural kicks at

But this play is fast, witty a n d

i m p l i c a t i o n s f o r m a n k i n d a s w e l l as the possibility f o r artistic d e v e l o p m e n t .

the (free) S e r p e n t i n e gallery a n d s p e n d i n g

I a m still n o t 1 0 0 % c o n v i n c e d by the w h o l e Stanley knife a n d c a n v a s t h i n g .

the U n i o n !

the m o n e y y o u ' v e s a v e d o n a f e w drinks at

very funny, a n d most o f a l l it roots itself in a c o r e

philo-

s o p h i c a l q u e s t i o n ; w h a t is t h e

H o w e v e r , o n e t h i n g is f o r c e r t a i n ; either F o n t a n a is a g e n i u s artist - o n the

best b a l a n c e b e t w e e n just liv-

cutting e d g e of art - o r he is a g e n i u s con-artist, baf f lin g a lot o f p s e u d o -

ing f o r the m o m e n t o r living

i n t e l l e c t u a l p e o p l e into t h i n k i n g that s o m e t h i n g w h i c h takes 2 m i n u t e s t o

for y o u r beliefs?

p r o d u c e is w o r t h ÂŁ 3 0 0 , 0 0 0 .

Something

we w o u l d all like to f i n d .

Ben

Meegan

Either way, r e s p e c t is d u e .

AllyPally

If you

would

pages

come

along

Friday.

1.00pm

to help

with

to the Felix

the office

Arts at

111 1

Driver

FLY!

Airpad Controller

(PC/PSX)

(PC)

(PSX)

Anyone who can remember

I really love flying.

In m y t i m e in t h e R A F c a d e t s , I t o o k t o t h e a i r in

Just like M i c h a e l J . F o x t r a d e d his s k a t e -

everything f r o m single p r o p C h i p m u n k s to f o u r e n g i n e d H e r c u l e s trans-

board for a hoverboard, you can chuck

will

p o r t s a n d I l o v e d e v e r y m i n u t e o f it. B e c a u s e o f t h i s , I a l s o l o v e flight

your g a m e p a d a n d get yourself a n Air-

f o r m u l a t e a pretty g o o d i d e a

sims - all the e x p e r i e n c e of flying without the expense a n d the smell o f

pad.

the

chase

f i l m The Blues

to what

about.

from the

scenes

Brothers

Driver

is a l l

T h e fantastic

aviation fuel.

music

W h a t is a n A i r p a d ? A r e v o l u t i o n a r y c o n Fly! is a s e r i o u s f l i g h t s i m , d e s i g n e d with r e a l p r o p e l l e r h e a d s in m i n d .

t r o l l e r that u s e s t h e n a t u r a l m o v e m e n t o f

S u p p l i e d o n t h r e e C D ' s , it is c e r t a i n l y d e t a i l e d .

that

accompanies

Driver

may

be somewhat

funkier

M a p s o f the entire

the player' s h a n d to direct the p a d a n d

t h a n that i n t h e f i l m , b u t t h e

w o r l d a r e i n c l u d e d , a l t h o u g h o n l y five m a j o r U S a i r p o r t s a r e m a p p e d

g a m e in t h e d i r e c t i o n y o u w a n t t o g o . A s

image

o u t in m u c h d e t a i l .

you

cars

of a line o n your

incredible

of police tail

bears

resemblance

W i t h five p l a n e s t o c h o o s e f r o m , o n t h e s u r f a c e

move,

t h e tilt-sensitive

p a d will

transfer y o u r m o v e m e n t s into the g a m e

this l o o k s like a g o o d g a m e .

you're

playing.

Remember

those

rally

g a m e s when y o u willed the c a r round

the f i l m .

H o w e v e r , F l y ! d o e s n ' t h a v e m u c h e l s e g o i n g f o r it. T h e p r o b l e m with r e l e a s i n g a s e r i o u s f l i g h t s i m like this is that t h e r e a l r e a d y is o n e -

hairpin

W o r k i n g o n both sides of the

/Microsoft F l i g h t Sim - that's b e e n a r o u n d f o r ever, d o e s e v e r y t h i n g y o u

aggressively

law,

c o u l d w a n t it t o a n d h a s g r e a t g r a p h i c s .

In o r d e r f o r t h e r e t o b e a n y

s i d e ? W e l l n o w i n s t e a d o f l o o k i n g like a

in the faithfully

point at a l l r e l e a s i n g y o u r s i m o n the market, y o u h a v e to offer either

p r a t a n d c r a s h i n g , y o u c a n l o o k like a

r e p r o d u c e d streets o f s e v e r a l

a b e t t e r p r o d u c t , o r o n e that d o e s s o m e t h i n g entirely n e w a n d d i f f e r -

prat a n d actually m a k e the turn.

American

ent. O t h e r w i s e y o u m i g h t a s well not bother.

the

player

immersed

you

will

cities.

Whether

are running

bends

at i n c r e d i b l e s p e e d s by flinging

yourself

to o n e

T h e A i r p a d h a s its o w n m i c r o p r o c e s s o r

from the

police o r working f o r them

T h e m o s t o b v i o u s p r o b l e m is t h e g r a p h i c s . C o m p a r e d t o o t h e r g a m e s

a n d w o r k s with o p t i c a l t e c h n o l o g y . T h i s

you'll n e e d t o t h r a s h y o u r c a r

s u c h a s Falcon

lets

around

t h e texture s a r e b l u r r y a n d t h e c l o u d s a r e just p l a i n b i z a r r e . It's a bit like

m o v e m e n t s . T h e A i r p a d will b e c o m p a t -

f l y i n g a p l a n e with a thin l a y e r o f m a r g a r i n e s m e a r e d o n t h e c o c k p i t

i b l e with a n y g a m e b u t will c o m e i n t o its

in a g g r e s s i v e

but w i t h o u t the

running

ground.

style it i n t o

Handbrake

turns, h i g h s p e e d s a n d skid marks

embrace

the g a m e -

play in large quantities, b u t

window.

4.0 o r Flight

Simulator,

t h e s c e n e r y is s p a r s e l y d e t a i l e d ,

T h e w h o l e p o i n t o f a f l i g h t s i m is t o m a k e t h e p l a y e r f e e l like

they a r e a c t u a l l y f l y i n g a r e a l p l a n e .

If t h e g r a p h i c s a r e s o b a d that

both a n a l o g u e a n d digital modes, which is g o o d t o h e a r . A t t h e m o m e n t it will

T h e g a m e a l s o h a s m o r e t h a n its f a i r s h a r e o f b u g s a n d g l i t c h e s . A f t e r

skills

i n s t a l l i n g t h e g a m e it t o o k m e a n h o u r t o g e t m y n e t w o r k c o n n e c t i o n

judg-

working properly again.

ment. that

It is t h e s e ensure

remarkable

this gaming

B e c a u s e I'm u s i n g a V o o d o o - b a s e d g r a p h i c s

qualities

c a r d , I h a v e t o start f l y i n g , q u i t t h e m i s s i o n a n d t h e n restart in o r d e r t o

is o n e

m a k e it w o r k . M i n o r t h i n g s , m a y b e , b u t i r r i t a t i n g a l l t h e s a m e .

only

be available

f o r the playstation

w h e r e it w i l l h a v e t h e s t a n d a r d l a y o u t o f the playstation p a d . T h e t e c h n i c a l c h a p s at

Airpad

are working

on a PCand

D r e a m c a s t d e s i g n f o r the future (no N 6 4 u n f o r t u n a t e l y ) . T h e a i r p a d will retail at

experiI h a v e t o a d m i t that, despite my c o m p l a i n t s , I d i d enjoy a f e w o f the

ence.

simulation a n d action

g a m e s , a l t h o u g h it w i l l b e just a s e f f e c -

not really s i m u l a t i n g m u c h at a l l .

these

to handle

in d r i v i n g ,

to your

tive with p l a t f o r m g a m e s . It a l s o s u p p o r t s

with f i n e s s e a n d f i n e

how

own

instantaneously

y o u s o m e t i m e s c a n ' t e v e n tell w h e t h e r t h e p l a n e is m o v i n g o r n o t , it's

to fulfil t h e t a s k s s e t b e f o r e y o u , y o u will n e e d t o l e a r n

it r e a c t

s c e n a r i o s i n c l u d e d i n t h e g a m e - trying t o l a n d a t S a n F r a n c i s c o a i r Sublime graphics, immersive

p o r t i n a t h u n d e r s t o r m f o r e x a m p l e - b u t t h e r e a r e f a r better f l i g h t s i m s

s o u n d , realistic c a r h a n d l i n g

o n the market.

ÂŁ19.99.

I reckon

because

y o u will

it w i l l

b e w o r t h it

get so much

g a m e p l a y o u t of the g a m e s , after

forking

especially

o u t 4 0 o r so precious

pounds for them.

as w e l l a s o r i g i n a l i t y a n d o n the-edge

tension

this g a m e s h i n e .

all make Brilliant. Viv

B a s i c a l l y , d o n ' t b u y this u n l e s s o n e o f t h e g a m e ' s d e v e l o p e r s f o r c e s y o u to at g u n p o i n t . A n d e v e n t h e n , h a n g o n t o t h e r e c e i p t . Mark

Goldeneye

Traitors Gate

Rug rats

(N64 budget)

(PC)

(N64)

It's d e b a t a b l e w h e t h e r N i n t e n d o c a n r e a l -

P l a y i n g Traitor s G a t e , y o u really h a v e t o w o n d e r h o w t h e h e l l a g r o u p

Chuckie,

ly c a l l a g a m e ' b u d g e t ' w h e n t h e r e d u c e d

of i n t e l l i g e n t p e o p l e c o u l d s p e n d t w o y e a r s of t h e i r lives w r i t i n g a g a m e

and

retail p r i c e still w e i g h s i n a t a hefty

t h a t is q u i t e s o b o r i n g .

into 3 d i m e n s i o n s to facili-

£30,

tate

but at least N 6 4 o w n e r s c a n n o t g r u m b l e

Phil,

Lil, A n g e l i c a

the nappy

gang p o p

n o t unslick

a b o u t t h e q u a l i t y o f t h e titles a v a i l a b l e i n

type

this r a n g e

o f L o n d o n a n d steal t h e C r o w n J e w e l s w i t h o u t b e i n g d e t e c t e d . T h e

b a c k t o m y y o u n g e r Christ-

- they a r e a l l u n q u e s t i o n a b l y

first-class, c r o w n e d by t h e c l a s s i c eye.

g a m e p l a y style is s i m i l a r t o p u z z l e g a m e s s u c h a s M y s t a n d

Golden-

The film was g o o d , introducing a

new B o n d , a new e r a .

The g a m e , which

Monkey

flash-

O n e h a s the o p p o r -

tunity

to force

p u z z l e s a n d c o l l e c t i n g o b j e c t s i n o r d e r to a c h i e v e y o u r g o a l .

blighters a r o u n d 3 b o a r d s in

t h e little

the a i m o f p e r f o r m i n g such

of the P C a n d Playstation

faithful), is better.

mases.

gaming

I s l a n d - t h e p l a y e r w a l k s a r o u n d a n e s s e n t i a l l y static l a n d s c a p e , s o l v i n g

is o n l y a v a i l a b l e f o r the N 6 4 ( m u c h t o the annoyance

board

weirdo

T h e b a s i c p r e m i s e of the g a m e is that y o u h a v e t o s n e a k i n t o the T o w e r

In f a c t it is q u i t e s u p e r b .

T h e w h o l e g a m e is a c t u a l l y p r e - r e c o r d e d o n t h e f o u r g a m e C D s - w h e n

tasks a s h u n t i n g for treasure,

you click s o m e w h e r e

scoffing

i n o r d e r t o m o v e o r i n t e r a c t with y o u r e n v i r o n -

every s q u a r e

('Part o f

meal') o r d i g -

U p o n its r e l e a s e G o l d e n e y e w a s h a i l e d a s

m e n t , t h e g a m e f i n d s t h e a p p r o p r i a t e m o v i e file a n d p l a y s it b a c k f o r

the p i n n a c l e o f the f i r s t - p e r s o n a d v e n t u r e

y o u . W h a t this m e a n s is that y o u s p e n d all y o u r t i m e m o v i n g the m o u s e

ging

shooter genre,

c u r s o r r o u n d t h e s c r e e n until y o u f i n d s o m e t h i n g i n t e r a c t i v e

dinosaur's

stash

o p e n d o o r o r a n o b j e c t , a n d t h e n c l i c k i n g o n it t o s e e w h a t h a p p e n s .

candy.

T h e ' f u n ' lasts

few g a m e s to c h a l l e n g e f o r its title.

This is c e r t a i n l y not my i d e a o f f u n .

b e t w e e n 20 m i n u t e s a n d a n

Taking up 0 0 7 ' s role f r o m the comfort of

I h a v e t o a d m i t t h a t I d i d n ' t a c t u a l l y p l a y a l l that m u c h of Traitor s G a t e

and tolerance

room may sound encouraging,

b e f o r e w r i t i n g this review. This w a s in part to d o with a b u g in the g a m e

to 4 g a m e r s c a n b e a c c o m -

but s a d l y the p e r k s of t h e j o b aren't i n c l u d -

that m e a n t every s o often w h e n I saved a g a m e I wouldn't b e a b l e to

modated

e d - y o u ' r e o u t t o c o m p l e t e m i s s i o n s , not

i n t e r a c t with a n y t h i n g a n d I'd h a v e t o g o b a c k t o m y last s a v e d

any o n e time without n e e d -

earn

o r start a g a i n .

if n o t t h e e n t i r e

games

m a r k e t , a n d t o this d a y t h e r e h a v e

been

like a n

hour,

a warm

bucketloads

in casinos

whilst

sur-

game

But t h e m a i n r e a s o n I g a v e up s o e a r l y o n w a s t h a t T r a i -

e v e n if y o u d i s a b l e the a n i m a t e d t r a n s i t i o n s , w h i c h is i r r i t a t i n g to say the speaking,

short

green

of h i d d e n

depending

o n board

size, a n d u p

o n the b o a r d at

ing four controllers

t o r s G a t e is b o r i n g . T h e g a m e p a u s e s slightly in b e t w e e n e a c h l o c a t i o n ,

r o u n d e d by b e a u t i f u l w o m e n .

Generally

Goldeneye

bowls

least.

S o m e different locations a r e actually identical t o e a c h

other,

To b e f a i r I c a n s e e that k i d s will

be amused

y o u o v e r n o t f r o m a n y s i n g l e a s p e c t o f its

m a k i n g it v e r y h a r d t o tell if y o u h a v e a c t u a l l y m o v e d a n y w h e r e o r not.

heroes

amazing game-play,

for a

A n o t h e r p r o b l e m is t h a t d e s p i t e t h e f a c t that a l l the l o c a t i o n s a r e pre-

wouldn't

f e s s i o n a l i s m a n d q u a l i t y that e n d o r s e s its

r e n d e r e d a n d p r e - r e c o r d e d , the g r a p h i c s still aren't very g o o d .

learning how to read

every

of like p l a y i n g o n e o f t h o s e e a r l y c o m p u t e r r o l e p l a y i n g g a m e s

detail.

perform

but rather the

pro-

E a c h mission asks you t o

c e r t a i n t a s k s that w i l l n o t o n l y

require the p u m m e l l i n g of e n e m y

guards

but a l s o t h e use oOf s t e a l t h a n d initiative.

a b o u t ten years a g o . game

It's k i n d from

T h e p u z z l e s t h e m s e l v e s aren't b a d a s c o m p u t e r

p u z z l e s g o , but t h e e n f o r c e d linearity o f t h e g a m e is e x t r e m e l y

they

by their

while, but b e better o f f rather

t h a n b a s i c joy p a d skills. novel

cutting

edge

ence for gamers?

experi-

N o . A gift

f o r r e l a t i v e s b e t w e e n the a g e

restrictive.

o f 2 a n d 8? M a y b e . A set o f

T h e h u g e variety o f w e a p o n s c o m e c o m -

c u l t f i g u r e s c a s h i n g in o n a

plete with a n a i m i n g s i g h t , o f t e n t e l e s c o p -

T h e o n l y p o s s i b l e r e a s o n I c a n t h i n k o f f o r w r i t i n g the g a m e in a p r e -

i c , a l l o w i n g y o u t o p i c k off t a r g e t s f r o m a

r e c o r d e d v i d e o f o r m a t is that it's m u c h e a s i e r to p r o g r a m .

If it w a s writ-

so-so inane N-64 g a m e ? a

d i s t a n c e with o n e s h o t to the h e a d .

t e n u s i n g a d e c e n t 3 d g r a p h i c s e n g i n e , with a n i n t e r a c t i v e e n v i r o n m e n t

Y o u n g i m p y brats will b e the

a n d t h e abilit y to w a l k w h e r e y o u w a n t , it m i g h t h a v e b e e n m u c h m o r e

judges.

S u c h is G o l d e n e y e ' s q u a l i t y , it c o u l d w e l l

fun.

m a k e y o u g o o u t a n d b u y the c o n s o l e f o r

t h e n t h a t is w h a t it t a k e s to write a g o o d c o m p u t e r g a m e t h e s e d a y s . A s

this g a m e a l o n e .

A f t e r a l l , that's w h a t I

it s t a n d s , the g a m e e n g i n e is f a r t o o a n n o y i n g t o a l l o w t h e g a m e itself to b e any fun whatsoever.

did... Viv

O f c o u r s e , this w o u l d h a v e t a k e n m u c h m o r e t i m e a n d effort, but

•

Ben

Chris

CINEMA A s p r o m i s e d h e r e is t h e c o l u m n t h a t t e l l s y o u

Blair Witch Project Competition

Tarzan

D u e to the kind courtesy of the promoters of

Yet a n o t h e r a n i m a t e d

'The

the

all a b o u t o u r very o w n c i n e m a - a g r e a t p l a c e to c a t c h t h o s e a l m o s t n e w m o v i e s

This w e e k

ICU cinema

Myers theme

is f o l l o w i n g a

starting with t h e g r o o v y

Mike Austin

Blair

Witch

Project',

Film

Powers: International M a n of Mystery a n d the

it) a l l y o u h a v e t o d o is a n s w e r The

Shagged

Powers

M e being

shown

the Spy W h o on Monday

has a

g o o d y b a g t o give a w a y a n d (you've g u e s s e d

psychedelic

Austin

Felix

prize

containing

includes a Blair

Blair

Witch

a question.

Witch

rucksack

T-shirt, C D , b o o k

movie-making

m o v i e c h u r n e d o u t by

machine

called

Disney -

b u t t o b e f a i r t o t h e m t h i s m o v i e is f a b u l o u s , unlike

t h e f l o p s they

years.

After

approach

a n d they

have

h a d in previous

they've

rethought

their

a r e finally getting

back

Mulan,

O c t o b e r . If y o u h a v e n ' t s e e n t h i s p a i r o f f i l m s

a n d b a d g e . To o w n this s c a r i l y f a n t a s t i c p r i z e

the m a g i c that m a k e s these films m e m o r a b l e

b e f o r e ( W h y n o t ? ) , t h e n n o w is y o u r

e-mail the right a n s w e r t o the f o l l o w i n g q u e s -

for

Both a r e s p o o f spy films with M i k e M y e r s tak-

tion to film.felix@ic.ac.u k before

state of the art a n d c o m p l e t e l y b r e a t h t a k i n g .

i n g m o r e t h a n o n e r o l e a n d t h e y a l s o s t a r Liz

Hurley

a n d Heather

Graham.

chance.

jokes a n d sometimes

the

out t o o long

are dragged

October.

A n d t h e q u e s t i o n is

2 6 October.

T h e a n i m a t i o n is

Canvas

t i m e s t o r e m e m b e r t h a t it is just a c a r t o o n . A t

b u t it's

last, D i s n e y h a s g o t r i d o f t h e c h e e s y

Where did Ed Sanchez and Dan Myrick, the directors of The Blair Witch Project, meet?

W a y n e ' s W o r l d a n d A u s t i n P o w e r s II a r e b e i n g o n Tuesday

reasons.

t h e c h a r a c t e r s c o m e a l i v e a n d it is d i f f i c u l t a t

sure t o m a k e y o u l a u g h .

shown

a l l t h e right

Using a new technique called Deep

Admittedly,

t h e y b o t h try t h e s a m e gags

Wednesday

songs

a n d a b o u t t i m e t o o . I n s t e a d , Phil C o l l i n s w a r bles

in his distinctive tones

as background

m u sic a n d the effect works well.

Wayne's

W o r l d (in c a s e y o u ' v e f o r g o t t e n ) is a b o u t t w o

As w e only have o n e g o o d i e b a g to give a w a y

M o s t p e o p l e k n o w t h e story o f T a r z a n in o n e

guys (Wayne a n d G a r t h )

the k i n d folk o f O d e o n K e n s i n g t o n h a v e a l s o

form

d o n a t e d five pairs o f tickets f o r t h e r u n n e r s

stuck t o t h e o r i g i n a l story by E d g a r Rice

t i m e o n l y t o d e c i d e t h a t it just isn't t h e s a m e .

u p . In c a s e y o u ' v e f o r g o t t e n t h e O d e o n

roughs.

Hilarious from

t h e f a r e n d o f H i g h S t r e e t K e n s i n g t o n a n d is

remote place, parents d i e a n d gorillas bring

s h o w i n g T h e Blair W i t c h Project

w h oproduce a TV

show from Wayne's h o u s e . They

make

b e i n g t o e n d with

from Alice Cooper.

Definitely

it b i g

cameo

o n e to watch

again a n d again and...

is a t

now so get

or another

a n d this

shipwrecked

the human

child

time

Disney has

family

as their

land

Burin a

o w n . Tarzan

y o u r a r s e o v e r there a n d s e e it!

a l w a y s f e e l s t h a t h e d o e s n ' t q u i t e fit i n , w h i c h

The

until

is n o s u r p r i s e s i n c e h e ' s n o t a g o r i l l a . T h a t is In

conjunction

showing Scream

with

R A G , ICU cinema

forHalloween

(31 O c t o b e r

winners

o f last

week's

American Pie"

competition are:

in c a s e y o u ' r e n o t s u r e ) w i t h a l l p r o c e e d s f r o m F Ramli

charity

Scream

is a n a c e f i l m

about

human

explorers

the b r u t a l truth f o r himself. S h o c k

this s h o w i n g g o i n g t o R A G t o h e l p w i t h t h e i r work.

one-day

stumble

a c r o s s t h e g o r i l i a s ' nest a n d T a r z a n

realises

horror, he

isn't r e a l l y a g o r i l l a .

Daplyn

s o m e o n e w h o h a s t a k e n their love of scary

E Mavrikas

films w a y t o o far. This

make you

A Georgilidakis

ing a n d as f o r t h e evil b a d d i e , C l a y t o n , well

worthwhile

S R Gunasekara

y o u just w a n t t o b o o h i m o f f t h e s c r e e n . T h e

M a k e sure y o u w a t c h this s p a c e next w e e k f o r

to,

laugh

a n d j u m p . This

film will is s u c h

event that will l e a v e y o u f e e l i n g g o o d helping

charity

so leave

that

The characters are so deiiciously heart-warm-

about

piece

coursework a n d gel to the U n i o n .

voices

exclusive

interview

The Blair Witch M a k e sure y o u c h e c k the posters o nthe w a l k -

Project.

with

the directors of

supplied to these

amongst

animations

Nigel

Hawthorne,

Minnie Driver a n d G l e n n

Close.

All

provide

especially Minnie

Brian

belong

Blessed,

of them

others,

a brilliant

performance

Driver w h o ad-libs o n e of

way for the exact times a n d details of ail t h e

h e r s p e e c h e s a n d t h e r e s u l t is f a n t a s t i c . W h e n

films b e i n g s h o w n this w e e k .

y o u g o a n d s e e this f i l m ( a n d y o u k n o w y o u w a n t t o really!) familiar

m a k e sure y o u watch out f o r

looking

characters

from

Disney Classics.

Helen

The Blair Witch Project

Bowfinger A comedy

film starring Steve M a r t i n

a n d Eddie

Murphy

in t h e late

There a r e posters o n the t u b e , o n the street, e v e n in the u n i o n f o r T h e B l a i r W i t c h P r o j e c t . In f a c t t h e r e a r e p o s t e r s a n y - w h e r e t h a t y o u c a n

nineties d o e s not b o d e well.

p u t t h e m a n d I b e t y o u ' r e t h i n k i n g , " W h a t t h e h e l l is i t ? ! " H a i l e d a s t h e Both h a v e s e e n t h e i r g o l d e n t o u c h e s , after s u c h films a s Dirty

Rotten

s c a r i e s t f i l m e v e r , T h e B l a i r W i t c h P r o j e c t is o n e f i l m e v e r y o n e s h o u l d

Scoundrels a n d Beverly Hills C o p , not s o m u c h desert them as c o n -

s e e . D o n o t l e t t h e f a c t t h a t it i s t e r r i f y i n g p u t y o u o f f g o i n g t o s e e i t .

v i n c e t h e a v e r a g e b l o k e o n t h e street that they h a d p a c k e d in a c t i n g

T h e r e is n o b l o o d o r g o r e a n d e v e r y t h i n g y o u s e e a p p e a r s t o b e s o

and were n o w sunning themselves o n s o m e far away desert island. The

b e l i e v a b l e . B e f o r e y o u e v e n d e c i d e t o g o a n d s e e it y o u s h o u l d c h e c k

last f i l m S t e v e M a r t i n c o - w r o t e w a s S e r g e a n t B i l k o . W h a t a g o o d f i l m

out the mythology

t h a t w a s . I s a y t h a t o n t h e e v i d e n c e t h a t r e c e n t l y M a r t i n c o n f e s s e d it

w w w . b l a i r w i t c h . c o m a n d r e a d a l l a b o u t it. T o s u m it u p t h e r e is a s t o r y

was a c o m e d y film that h e himself didn't find funny. This c o m i n g f r o m

a b o u t a w o m a n w h o w a s a c c u s e d o fwitchcraft in 1 7 8 5 . S h e w a s b a n -

the

ished f r o m h e r v i l l a g e , Blair, a n d then a l l h e r a c c u s e r s a n d half t h e

seems t o have fallen prey t o the H o l l y w o o d sacrilege of relying o n his

c h i l d r e n o f t h e v i l l a g e d i s a p p e a r . T h e t o w n s p e o p l e t h i n k it's a c u r s e

m a n w h o co-wrote

a n d starred

i n it. A n d w h a t o f M u r p h y ?

behind

o r it w o n ' t

make

much

sense.

So g oto

f i l m s s p e c i a l e f f e c t s t o m a s k a n a w f u l s c r i p t - if it w a s n ' t b e i n g h o r r e n -

a n d f l e e t h e t o w n . T h i r t y - n i n e y e a r s l a t e r B u r k i t t s v i l l e is f o u n d e d o n t h e

d o u s l y o v e r w e i g h t it w a s t a l k i n g t o a v a r i e t y o f a n i m a l s , a l l i n a r a t h e r

site o f B l a i r a n d w e i r d t h i n g s h a p p e n . A l l t h e u s u a l stuff, p e o p l e g o

unfunny way. A s I m e n t i o n e d , the f i l m , l o o k i n g o n the past f o r m of the

missing strange a n d spooky sightings -y o u get the i d e a .

a c t o r s , a n d writer (Martin), l o o k s like g o o d c a n n o n f o d d e r f o r p e o p l e with m a g a z i n e

In O c t o b e r 1 9 9 4 t h r e e y o u n g p e o p l e d e c i d e t o d o a d o c u m e n t a r y o n

space.

the B l a i r W i t c h a n d g o o u t into t h e w o o d s a r m e d with a h a n d - h e l d I will

therefore

Bowfinger

n o t totally

(Martin),

d i s a p p o i n t . T h e film

struggling

movie

centres

o n Bobby

producer-director.

Almost

bankrupt, he hatches a n i n g e n i o u s w a y of m a k i n g a film starring t h e world's biggest star Kit Ramsey

(Murphy).

T h i s is a c h i e v e d

v i d e o c a m e r a a n d a CP-1 6 f i l m c a m e r a n e v e r t o b e s e e n a g a i n . T h e t a p e s w e r e d i s c o v e r e d a y e a r l a t e r a n d t h i s f i l m is t h e f o o t a g e a s it happened.

by filming

the star d o i n g his e v e r y d a y b u s i n e s s a n d a c t o r s w a l k i n g u p t o h i m a n d

S h o t i n r e a l - t i m e t h e f i l m is s u p p o s e d t o c o v e r e i g h t d a y s a n d t h a t ' s

p r e t e n d i n g t h a t h e is i n a f i l m s c e n e w i t h t h e m . T h i s s i m p l e c o n c e p t is

h o w l o n g it t o o k t o s h o o t . C o s t i n g u n d e r $ 1 0 0 , 0 0 0 t o m a k e

the basis o f the film. A s o n e c a n i m a g i n e , t h e c o m i c possibilities f o r

already grossed $ 1 4 0 million in U S A s o you c a n i m a g i n e h o w g o o d

such scenes these

a r e a l m o s t limitless a n d M a r t i n takes full a d v a n t a g e o f

opportunities. Martin

even

expands

o n this i d e a

by a l l o w i n g

it i s . T h e d i a l o g u e w a s i m p r o v i s e d b y t h e a c t o r s w i t h o n l y

it h a s

guidance

from the directors a n d there w a s n o opportunity to re-do scenes.

M u r p h y t o d o a n o t h e r o f his " o n e film-two role" efforts, s o h e also

a d d i t i o n , a l l t h e f i l m i n g w a s d o n e b y t h e a c t o r s s o m a k e s u r e y o u sit

plays the stereotypical d u m b twin brother. Y o u k n o w , the o n e h a s b e e n

t o w a r d s t h e b a c k o f t h e c i n e m a w h e n y o u g o a n d s e e it o t h e r w i s e

f o r g o t t e n b y t h e m o r e s u c c e s s f u l s i b l i n g a n d i n s e r i o u s f i l m s t r i e s t o stir

y o u ' l l g e t t r a v e l s i c k n e s s . A n o t h e r p i e c e o f a d v i c e - t r y i n g t o tell y o u r -

up a bit of pathos. This

s e l f "It's just a f i l m " d o e s n ' t w o r k , s o d o n ' t e v e n b o t h e r d o i n g it.

pathos

creeps

unfortunately

into this film

m o m e n t a r i l y in a w a y that m a k e s y o u r t o e s curl rather t h a n pull o n the h e a r t s t r i n g s . T h e r e is a g o o d r e a s o n f o r t h i s a s w e l l . T h e v a s t m a j o r i t y

T h e Blair W i t c h o p e n s in f o u r t e e n c i n e m a s a c r o s s t h e W e s t E n d o n 2 2

of t h e c h a r a c t e r s i n t h e f i l m a r e n o t n i c e p e o p l e .

O c t o b e r including the O d e o n

H i g h Street K e n s i n g t o n b u t I definitely

r e c o m m e n d y o u g o a n d s e e t h i s o n H a l l o w e e n . If y o u d a r e ! M a r t i n p l a y s a c h a r a c t e r w h o is w a y b e l o w a b u m ; H e a t h e r

Graham's

c h a r a c t e r is a w h o r e . T h e y g e t a l l t h e e q u i p m e n t f o r m a k i n g t h e f i l m by s t e a l i n g it f r o m a f i l m s t u d i o . Y o u d o n ' t f e e l h a p p y a b o u t w h a t t h e y are d o i n g a n d y o u certainly w o u l d n ' t w a n t a n y t h i n g t o d o with t h e m . " L i g h t e n u p ! " I h e a r y o u c r y "It's a c o m e d y ! " M a y b e , b u t t h e n o n - c o m e d y bits o f this f i l m i e t h e bits w h e r e t h e y a r e n o t c h a s i n g

Murphy

a b o u t , m a k e this f il m d e c i d e d l y t w o f a c e d .

Captain

Nemo

Helen

he o c e a n c a r r i e d o n in all d i r e c t i o n s a n d d i s a p p e a r e d b e l o w the curve o f the earth. N i g h t had

fallen

many

hours

a g oand

the Pacific

was

expecting

was

glimpse

no one and tried

of his visitor

a flash

from

of yellow

the window

material.

waters w e r e s m o o t h a n d silent, u n d i s t u r b e d by

walked

to the door

w i n d o r c r e a t u r e . A b o v e t h e stars s h i m m e r e d b r i l l i a n t -

o'clock

in the

evening.

Said

the woman

to catch

A skirt m a y b e ? H e

and pulled

it open.

It was

ly, u n d e f i e d by h u m a n l i g h t . T h e m o o n t o o h a d r i s e n ,

"Hi."

a t h i n s i c k l e t h a t s h o n e with u n a c c u s t o m e d b r i g h t n e s s ,

" C H R I S ! " h e a / m o s t s h o u t e d it. "YOU!

its unlit p o r t i o n b e i n g t h e o n l y truly b l a c k p i e c e o f t h e

expecting...!

sky â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a d a r k o v a l a m o n g s t t h e c o u n t l e s s p i n p o i n t s

he lapsed

a n d m i l k y s m u d g e s o f t h e s t ar s .

cheeks

Barely

into silence

pecked

man.

fect teeth

swollen

slightly

except

"You

obviously

o f d a r k b l o o d . H i s f a c e is t e r r i b l y b u r n t f r o m t h e t r o p -

packed...now

i c a l s u n a n d his l i p s a r e s w o l l e n a n d d i s c o l o u r e d , s u r -

all manner

t h i c k t h a t he c a n n o t b r e a t h t h r o u g h his m o u t h .

glistening

" bis

lettuce,

t h e e a s t . H e is a l m o s t c e r t a i n t h a t h e is the o n l y s u r -

Chris

vivor. A r o u n d his inert f o r m is t i e d a f r a y e d a n d f a d e d

remember?

nodded

"Yeah,

seriously.

solemnly. you

me Tarzan,

packed

and

with

lapsed

tomatoes. into

his

wine,

right?"

"That

was the

idiot's

agreement,

wine."

you Jane,"

said

Sean

and

b l o c k w h i c h is a t t a c h e d t o his c h e s t , a n d t h e rest o f it

regretted

a t h i c k c o l l a r w h i c h just m a n a g e s t o k e e p his l o l l i n g

fled into the h o u s e . H e w a s m u t t e r i n g c u r s e s u n d e r his

head

above

there

is a s m a l l

the water

Attached

to the main

salt-water-activated

float

light that h a d

breath of

seemed

is t i e d w i t h a t h i n n y l o n c o r d a n d f l o a t s a s m a l l d i s -

big

O n l y yesterday h o w much

m o r n i n g h e h a d still b e e n c a l c u -

were

longer

year

he c o u l d

survive

without

stood

mirror

which

E v e r y t h i n g t h a t is r e a l is r e t r e a t i n g i n t o a d i f f u s e mist

reached

of u n r e a l i t y : his t e r r i b l e thirst, t h e p a i n f r o m his e y e s

Forgive

a n d his b l i s t e r e d f a c e , e v e r y t h i n g is g e t t i n g less i m p o r -

Then

tant s o m e h o w .

door

where

s t e r i l e a n d d u s t y p i c t u r e s i n his m i n d , n o l o n g e r e m o -

read

c o u l d n o l o n g e r r e m e m b e r his t e l e p h o n e n u m b e r b u t e v e n that h a d f a i l e d t o a r o u s e

streak

of colour amongst

the shadows.

It is

"Oh!"

them

and

1968, the

before

Slowly

he said

the mirhis

hands

onto

his face.

to his

reflection.

to the front

her with

and her brow and soiled

realise

Sean

nothing

something

both

creased

of the as she

labels.

and her eyebrows that

I meant

laughed,

around

t h a t is s t a y i n g w i t h h i m t h e l o n g e s t , a n d yet i n a w a y

the

maybe

of it, Madame. for special

a m h u n g r y . " A n d with

ket and they

this

rode

much too

both

a little I always

loudly. a little

occasions. N o w come, /

that he grasped

walked

too keep

towards

the heavy

the path

bas-

that led to

sea. S e a n c o u l d n o t r e m e m b e r w h e n h e h a d first m e t

h e k n o w s it is i n e v i t a b l e t o o . It w a s o n e d a y f r o m a

It b e g a n w i t h a k n o c k o n his f r o n t d o o r (there w a s

Saturday

and ran back

she said

"I didn't

s t r a n g e t h a t it s h o u l d b e this o n e e p i s o d e i n his life

s u m m e r five years a g o . . . , n o not a day, but o n e night.

were

you".

"Think

S t i l l , o n e m e m o r y a l o n e r e m a i n s c l e a r in his h e a d -one

Brother,

the

They

from

and a grin crept

one of the faded "Monsieur,"

a n y e m o t i o n in his

sluggish mind.

stood

he presented

She took

slightly,

. Sean

there

waited.

Triumphantly

t i v e . It s e e m s t h e w h o l e c o u r s e o f his life is f a d i n g t o

were

the wine

Chris

that

- they

in the eyes.

for the bottles

only

up against

to the ceiling.

birth

himself

me, dear

bottles.

Earlier he h a d d i s c o v e r e d that h e

valuable

he grasped

h i m s e l f . E v e n his m e m o r i e s h a v e g r o w n d i m : they a r e

black a n d white.

reached

and

On the big chest

of wine,

a s t h e y w e r e right

of his brother's

ror and stared

H e c a n still f e e l t h e s e s e n s a t i o n s b u t

room.

for his b r o t h e r ' s birthday

extremely

w a t e r b u t n o w e v e n t h a t h a d c e a s e d t o b e o f interest.

they s e e m f a r away, b e l o n g i n g t o a n o t h e r version o f

the living two bottles

to be four

intended

tance away.

"Til just get it..." He said

a s h e entered

drawers

c e a s e d its g l o w m a n y h o u r s a g o , a n d a w h i s t l e w h i c h

lating

it immediately.

Look,"

"I've got it all

basket,

onions

some

Me food,

was

tongue.

contribution."

Sean

course."

which

on top was a big bowl

chopped

"You want

and

all per-

see her

is your

Right

forward

incisor

at her feet,

was a massive

of things.

"l...er...of

right

me very

take

all I need

grin again.

polystyrene

made

dazzled:

you could

to something

the ground

r o u n d e d by a h a l o of c r y s t a l l i s e d salt. H i s t o n g u e is s o

life j a c k e t , t h e b u l k o f it b e i n g a l a r g e

s o that

don't

gestured

Her smile

for her upper

too short

she

H i s n a m e is S e a n , a n d h e w a s a r e s e a r c h a s s i s t a n t

wasn't

said...

grin which

on you." She leant

him on the cheek.

a l m o s t shut a n d the whites h a v e a s s u m e d the c o l o u r

o n a vessel w h i c h s a n k in a t y p h o o n twenty miles t o

doorstep. I

you were...you

and a lame

seven

hurt.

o c e a n a n d t h e c r o w d e d n e s s o f t h e sky t h e r e f l o a t e d a

t w o q u a l i t i e s s l o w l y a n d surely. H i s e y e s a r e

who s t o o d o n his

thought

"I told you I'd call

n o t i c e a b l e a m o n g s t the e m p t i n e s s o f t h e

H e is a l i v e a n d c o n s c i o u s but h e is l o s i n g t h e s e

mean...!

but all he saw

C h r i s . But h e d i d k n o w t h a t h e h a d s e e n h e r o n m o r e that

five

n o bell). S e a n w a s i n the k i t c h e n , but w h a t he w a s d o o r s t e p

occasions that

before

summer's

she appeared

evening.

H e also

o n his remem-

d o i n g b e f o r e o r w h a t h e h a d d o n e earlier that after-

b e r e d very clearly that she h a d r e n d e r e d h i m totally

n o o n h e h a s n o r e c o l l e c t i o n of.

s p e e c h l e s s t h e first t i m e h e h a d l a i d e y e s o n her. S h e

n 27

5 was quite simply the most beautiful w o m a n

that

across the

h a d ever met. B i z a r r e l y , o n e of t h e first t h i n g s t h a t S e a n t h o u g h t

appeared

like in forty y e a r s

time.

H e r features

were

duced

s t r o n g t h a t it s e e m e d t h a t o l d a g e w o u l d o n l y t o u c h

attached

them superficially. N o t h i n g a b o u t her w o u l d ever sag

Sean

or d r o o p o r melt o r d e g e n e r a t e . S e a n was totally cer-

thoughts

t a i n t h a t s h e w o u l d l o o k a b s o l u t e l y s t u n n i n g until t h e

one

day she d i e d .

mind.

Hers

was

not

conventional

beauty,

it w a s

to roll shore

his

larger

with

were

was

towards

them,

basket

and

sea

and she

rocks

a bottle

strangely

absent

a few

wine; another

from

his

they sat down the distant

lights

breaking

and them.

acquire

prepared

pro-

lit

around

he would

to eat, whilst

occasionally

air

which

opening

on earth

began

the

of the

everything and

the

one.

candles

brother

of the hills

and

long

himself

of how

Once

perfect except f o r that o n e i n c i s o r that w a s t o o s m a l l .

from

side

fog

the

began opposite

through.

In his s e m i c o n s c i o u s s t a t e S e a n w a s a w a r e

S e a n h a d tried o n m a n y o c c a s i o n s to quantify exactly w h y h e f o u n d h e r s o a t t r a c t i v e but h e h a d n e v e r m a n -

into

to some

by side

forming

through

bunch

for

p l e x i n t e r a c t i o n s . L i k e t h e f a c t t h a t a l l of h e r t e e t h w e r e

was

rummaged

busied

beauty that resulted f r o m h u n d r e d s of small a n d c o m -

fog

to be fusing

Chris

a b o u t d u r i n g t h e i r first e n c o u n t e r w a s w h a t s h e w o u l d look

the water, t o w a r d s the silhouettes

mainland,

that

t h e s t r a p s t h a t h e l d h i m t o t h e life-vest h a d b e e n c o m -

a g e d to d o so satisfactorily. S h e w a s tall a n d athletic

ing

yet t h e m o s t s t r i k i n g t h i n g a b o u t h e r w a s h e r

t h e r e w a s n o t h i n g he c o u l d d o ; h e w a s t o o w e a k .

shoulders. They were not thick or brawny

broad

undone

At ten o'clock

shoulders,

they w e r e s i m p l y u n u s u a l l y w i d e f o r a w o m a n .

Her

the

arms,

but

firewood

her

legs, were

not

muscular

either

comfort

s e e m e d to d i s g u i s e a s u p p l e s t r e n g t h a n d l i t h e n e s s . It

flat pieces and

b r e a s t s w e r e s m a l l b u t in S e a n ' s e y e s p e r f e c t l y f o r m e d ,

Once

- closer

c u l i n i t y a b o u t it, yet i n s o m e w a y this s e e m e d t o m a k e

the flames

tle of

something

o t h e r f a c e , S e a n i m a g i n e d it w o u l d h a v e b e e n

too

explained

l o n g , yet o n hers it w a s

two

Madrid

H e r eyes were

b l a c k w e l l s in h e r d e e p l y t a n n e d f a c e , w h i c h

seemed

she

As a personality S e a n f o u n d her totally a b s o r b i n g

between

out i n h i b i t i o n She h a d that slightly c y n i c a l h u m o u r that

her.

seemed

She

was

passionate

about

r e a s s u r i n g : he h a d

music

which

fundamental

But

and

he lightly

the shadow

not answer,

grew

and grew

stared that

usual.

into

the

eyes

her

take

T h e y walked

sandy

beach

bathed. where

down

for several

It was

but only

smooth

ers were

rocks

young

heavily

and warm totally and

but

the and

the

the size birches

now

to the north

the

corner

others

sky

the

There

oth-

Beyond

stormy

the

raining Only

stacks

thunder.

The

having

Far

pale

fog

of rest away

The

was

parting

and

when

could between

the

and

silence

across

somehow

larger

that

Sean

opened

and

it darker

and

moment and

his mouth

this time.

in silence

had

long

it and

him.

"Please,"

Sean

agonised

then decided

passed

to pur-

and

occasional

since

as the sun sank Above

from

gradually

laughter

the

"Do

you

Her

"We're

to south

was

they the

of cloud

that

ribbon dyed

later, the second

and

suddenly

know

what

eyes were

"Urn...no,

a thin

and

hills across

blood

red

ended.

an hour

drained

disappeared

into the black

them

north

finally

Half

said.

imagination

day

quieter

murmuring

water.

the day

also

His

much

to that

resumed. The

was

vanished

a period

disturbances.

quiet

watched

far cloud

air

had

their fire

it no further.

Sean

suggested

but she pre-empted

even

minutes

stretched

edge. and

clear.

the wind

sue

sand

almost

and

the

still dark

was

sky were after

headland

was

to the water's been

there

rumble

usually

the size of eggs,

some

it had

were

and

but not the

of wheelbarrows.

but not humid

as if earth

edge, the

alone.

crowded

day

occasional

contemplation

and

be totally pebbles,

For the whole

away

Sean

around

they would

beach

to the water's

where

to retort

when

spoke.

each

about

moment between them.

bot-

going

and already

distance

E v e n t u a l l y she

"Please

repeated,

awkward

again

silent

he had to look

were

she

dry.

he was

of another

did

was

never

along.

by the wine

knew

was

sun

bone

conversation.

a friend, to come

she them

strangely

their

time

d o t h e s a m e f o r her. D u r i n g t h e s h o r t t i m e t h a t t h e y there

by the

the second

month's

c o m e s . . . " she whispered.

other

for

they sat down

opened

become

She c o u l d m a k e h i m g e n u i n e l y l a u g h , a n d he c o u l d

each

left

always

in two

want

She

than

distrust o f p e o p l e w h o r e g a r d e d m u s i c w i t h d i s i n t e r e s t .

hold

both

hunted

bark/ess a n d

bleached and

Sean

lubricated

not envisage

they c o u l d h a v e d i s c u s s e d a n y t o p i c in the w o r l d w i t h -

loved.

that

might

them.

had

came

to see

t o o . F r o m t h e first m o m e n t h e first m e t h e r h e felt t h a t

S e a n f o u n d very

Chris

becoming

to s w a l l o w e v e r y t h i n g t h e y l o o k e d at.

They

But

wine.

was very l o n g a n d straight. H a d her n o s e b e e n o n any

perfect.

taken

hours.

and

always

found, water

this time - and

Earlier

her m o r e f e m i n i n e H e r m o u t h was w i d e a n d her n o s e

It was

they the

had

eating.

candlelight

the water.

of wood

past few

finished

dying

s m o o t h e d by

in a l l h e r w h o l e

mas-

they

of the

along

s e e m e d l i k e t h e r e w a s n o fat o n h e r b o d y at a l l . H e r

b o d y h a d a c u r i o u s t o u c h of

g r a d u a l l y o v e r the

we're

bright

but I dare going

Chris

bottle leapt

going

with the say you're

of wine

to her

was

feet.

to do now?"

She

alcohol. going

tell

me."

swim."

x "Are you

mad?

"No

it won't

the day,

in fact

now.

Look, Sean

favour,

and

apart

unashamedly

stared two

prevent

his

where

her

cleared

each

other

from

eyes

from

bare

skin

but for once word

be waiting

he could

the sea.

cast

away

body.

Her

her

chin

fire-light.

began

sprung

Chris

was treading

no stones

"only

ually

inched

pled

with

sand."

out here,"

and

turned

to the spot,

still

Sean

the rhythm was

heard

over

as the waters

as her immaculate

of her

her grad-

body

rip-

strides.

suddenly torn something?

was

back

into the

present.

horn?

No,

in f i v e h u n d r e d m i l e s . F o r s o m e r e a s o n he w a s d e n l y t r a n s p o r t e d b a c k to the s h i p w r e c k . H o w

name

and

now

unimaginable

it w a l l o w e d

depth

below

Blade

in t h e the

mud

surface.

and

making

that

must

Sean

had

for

she swam "Stop you."

she

him.

was

been

to close

enclosed

him and

she did

and

he had

s e c u r e b e f o r e in his life.

w a t e r h a d b e g u n f i l l i n g t h e e n g i n e r o o m . But

the sea

made

it o n t o

the

deck

that

barely

wave

had

will keep

Sean

its

never saw

an and

turned

and and

on swimming

for a

them. and

aware

Yet his

of pride

he struggled

and he

turned

beneath

her

those

never The

gap

abyss

them.

Slowly

between

whispered,

long

felt more

last thing

reached

not to think of fhe black

i n t e n d e d to e n t e r a l i f e b o a t like a l l t h e o t h e r s o n c e t h e

had

like gone

painfully

the remaining

was had

when

yawning

swimming,"

And

an and

the elegance

swimming

panting

a big effort have

was

out

in with

sea.

stopped

who

carried

calling

the

water.

him.

to whoop

with

Sean

like a

the

exhilarating

up between

from

through

Eventually

She

and

Sean hoarsely,

into

apathy

Chris

her and

Suddenly

falling

not

the water

opened

him

doggedly

many

some

after

through

that

prevented

h a d b e e n its

effort

the alcoholic

minutes

wait

It h a d b e e n a r e a s o n a b l y l a r g e b o a t , 7 0 f ee t in e n g t h w i t h a c r e w o f forty. Pacific

ten

sud-

d a y s a g o h a d it b e e n ?

amazingly

of a panther.

efficiency

c o u r s e not. H e w a s a l o n e , a n d the only h u m a n b e i n g

It was an

out, watching

eventually

drop

surface

off his clothes

water,

swimming

quicker

stumbled

further

into

he shouted

tearing

water

further

the

an oil slick.

finally

to make

moving

the gap

A gull? A

retreated

began

rose

touched

ON!"

began

Suddenly

whole

and

flop.

had

lunatic.

the deep

undignified

she called

He watched

up her legs,

Sean Had

into

the water

"HANG

possessed

he began

"There's

and

her feet

hair

out

life.

coming!"

speechless.

shoulder,

into

"I'm

ran

and

black

to spread

further

beneath

steeply long

man

imagination

walking

ground

heavily?

glued

The

not think of a

she smiled was

effort

it his

for you,"

into the water. Sean

separated

the

to say. Was

slightly

and

H e w a t c h e d Chris

she

self-consciously.

below in

m e t a b o l i c toxins into the w o r l d . S l o w l y

and

a heroic

wondering

H e r e a l i s e d t h a t his b o d y h a d n o w a t e r left to f l u s h his

she said

eyes,

gleamed

d y i n g a g a i n , a n d this t i m e

in her previous

her head

making

he w a s

b a c k f r o m realit y a g a i n a n d i n t o his t h o u g h t s .

not,"

in the

was

she breathing

"I'll wade

was

in disbelief

over

now

t h o u g h t it w a s f o r c e r t a i n . H e s u d d e n l y felt t h e n e e d to

right.

if you're

But

right

u r i n a t e a n d w a s m i l d l y s u r p r i s e d at h o w p a i n f u l it w a s .

knew

watched

her dress

feet. Sean

appropriate

or was

the air

He got up, slightly

his throat

single

perfectly

even

pulled

that

from

slightly."

that,

Sean

off her underwear.

maybe

warmer

that the evidence

from

I'm going,

a n d he l i v e d .

the heat

retains

steaming

to concede

to undress.

They

water

the water's

that she was

"Well,

freezing."

The

it's even

had

experience

started

It'll be be.

them. will

hold

sleek

arms

peaceful

she said

or was

secrets." her a g a i n

after that night.

She

s n a t c h e d h i m a w a y like a l e a f in a h u r r i c a n e . T h a n k -

s a i d t h a t s h e w o u l d l e a v e in t h e m o r n i n g a n d t h a t he

fully, h e h a d p u t o n a life j a c k e t , but t h a t w a s the last

c o u l d not k n o w why or w h e r e she w a s g o i n g , a n d that

t h i n g h e c o n t r i b u t e d to his f a t e . O n c e in t h e s e a his

is e x a c t l y w h a t h a p p e n e d .

o n l y m i s s i o n b e c a m e t r y i n g to f i n d t h e next b r e a t h o f o x y g e n in a n o c e a n w h e r e t h e b o u n d a r y b e t w e e n

air

Somewhere

in the

sprawling

Pacific S e a n

knew

w i t h a s u d d e n c e r t a i n t y t h a t in t h e p a s t f i v e y e a r s

a n d w a t e r h a d l o n g b e e n lost. T h e w a v e s h a d t o s s e d

h a d t h o u g h t a b o u t her every s i n g l e day. H e h a d s i n -

h i m a r o u n d a s if he h a d

c e r e l y t h o u g h t t h a t he h a d g o t t e n o v e r h e r b u t o n l y

been

merely a

matchstick

a n d e a c h m o m e n t he e x p e c t e d to be c r u s h e d a g a i n s t the ship's hull o r e v i s c e r a t e d o n s o m e serrated

reef.

n o w d i d h e r e a l i s e h o w utterly w r o n g h e h a d

been

S e v e r a l hours later the m o o n s a n k b e l o w the h o r i -

O n c e o n l y h a d h e s e e n a n o t h e r s h i p m a t e , f l e e t i n g l y at

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f r o m the sky. A n e m p t y life j a c k e t f l o a t e d o n the w a t e r ,

N e i t h e r of t h e m h a d c o m m u n i c a t e d a t h i n g , they h a d

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N a t u r e d i d as nature p l e a s e d a n d m a n w o u l d

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a n d live o r w a t c h a n d d i e , w i t h n o i n f l u e n c e o n t h e o u t c o m e whatsoever.

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t h e G r e a t Lottery of T h e Sky his n u m b e r s h a d c o m e u p

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The Felix Crossword, BigWillyStile s

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2. Destroy tenth f r i e n d ,

u n s p e a k a b l e (8)

p e r h a p s ? (8)

6. C h e c k s o u t the v i e w e r s . (6) 9. O v a c o d a s ? (9)

1 A r m s g o w i l d at c l i m a x

1 1. Lofty G r e e k (5) •

(6)

1 3 . A bish c o n f u s e d Indi-

2 B o w l i n g d u c k (5)

a n M a s t e r (5)

3 R a n k students (5)

•

I 4 . Stairs of t r a g e d y (5)

4 S e c u r e tracts of l a n d (5)

1 6 . P a l i n d r o m i c saint h a s

5 Birth t o d e a t h o n t h e

z e r o " b u l l o c k s (5)

s t a g e o f life ( 3 , 5 , 4 , 2 , 3 )

18. C o u l d b e horrid bot-

7 Irritating s e a - f o o d (5)

tle (4)

8 Rip o u r p o t into r o o m

1 9. W h i p the F r e n c h piles

f r e s h e n e r (9)

into s h a p e (7)

1 0 C h i n e s e spirit vs Ital-

2 0 . C o m p o s e r l o o k s a bit

i a n w i n e (7)

g r e e n (5)

1 2 Such ions whizzing

2 2 . U n d e r s t a n d i n g o n the

a r o u n d p r o v i d e softness

floor:

(8)

need more facto-

ries! (17)

15 S h a k e Ali u p f o r rice (5)

2 7 . W i t h o u t I m p e r i a l , this

1 7 E x p e n s i v e sweet (4)

c r o s s w o r d w o u l d b e full of

21 P r a n c e u p t o pastry

d e a d p e o p l e . (5)

(5,3)

2 8 . B e g i n t h e w o r k e r spirit

2 3 D a w n s n a p s D o r i s (9)

with a hissy-fit (7)

2 4 D o n ' t sing t h e c h o r u s

2 9 . In torest f i n d i m p u r e

(7)

iro n (4)

2 5 Tess b e c o m e s s o l i d (4)

3 1 . Bits o f g r e e n f o r car s

2 6 Rugged a n d under-

(5)

c o o k e d (5)

Answers to 1153

3 4 . N o , dear : sliced

3 0 Suit that I refer to a s

Across:

p e a c h (5)

itself? (6)

3 6 . In Perth I effortlessly

3 2 W o r r i e s a b o u t f o o d (5)

held u p a b a n k (5)

3 3 Society the French

d i s a v o w s , m a c a b r e , e q u i p , l a c r i m a t o r , s m a r t i e , t h r u s h , the u n i t e d n a t i o n s , d e g r e e s o f

f r e e d o m , o d o u r s , e s s e n c e , b o t t i c e l l i , whirr, e n t r a p s , m e r i n g u e . walked

t h e streets,

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botch,

Down:

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errorist,

potent,

outdancing,

a d o r a b l e , see-saw, e r o t i c a , m c e n r o e , octet. I w o u l d like t o a p o l o g i s e f o r a n y c o n f u s i o n o v e r the s p e l l i n g o f k ( c ) u m q u a t . is a v a l i d a l t e r n a t i v e s p e l l i n g , I f e e l it w a s u n f a i r t o u s e it.

CI N I T l V f

Although cumquat

37 Headless chicken

m a d e a plinth f o r (5)

s w a l l o w e d g r o w t h (5)

3 4 K n o t g a r l i c ? (5)

3 8 B u r g e r f a r m e r (9)

3 5 C e l e b r a t e the French

3 9 A n i m a l saint c l a i m s to

tax mix u p (5)

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book a s you g o . You c a n travel a s far a s you like f o r a w h o l e thirty d a y s - y o u d o n ' t e v e n h a v e to

return

to Victoria

if y o u

decide

t o settle

down in Poland or Spain. T r a v e l is a b o a r d E u r o l i n e s m o d e r n

coaches

H o w m u c h d o e s a thirty d a y E u r o l i n e s Pass start f r o m if y o u ' r e u n d e r 2 6

and Amsterdam. You

W h a t is t h e c a p i t a l o f H u n g a r y

A l l a n s w e r s m u s t b e r e c e i v e d by 5 p m o n F r i d a y 2 9 t h O c t o b e r (ie t h e e n d of this w e e k ) .

ment stops o n all journeys. A thirty-day E u r o l i n e s Pass for

In w h i c h c o u n t r y w o u l d y o u f i n d t h e city o f Gothenburg

passengers

a g e d u n d e r 2 6 s t a r t s f r o m just ÂŁ 1 5 9

so, even

The

w i n n e r will b e r a n d o m l y s e l e c t e d a n d notified by e m a i l at t h e b e g i n n i n g o f n e x t w e e k , a n d the

if y o u d o n ' t w i n , t a k i n g a t r i p n e e d n ' t b r e a k t h e

winner's

b a n k . A n d , if y o u ' r e r e a l l y s t r a p p e d f o r c a s h ,

r e l e a s e d in a f o r t n i g h t ' s t i m e .

name

will

b e printed

Meeting every Thursday

at 630pm Huxley Building Room 343

in t h e issue

be You're in the Board Room and the Chief Executive turns to YOU for advice. What do you say? If this challenge interests you, come to our presentation to find out more: • Recent recruits will tell you what consultants really do day-to-day • We will give you practical interviewing skills by walking you through a project • You will be able to meet people who have made the same decisions as you and ask them for advice

on Wednesday 3rd November 1999, 7-9pm at 55 Exhibition Road, London SW7 (Dress: Informal) Also visit our website

www.bain.com

Atlanta • A m s t e r d a m • Beijing • B o s t o n • B r u s s e l s • C h i c a g o • Dallas • H o n g K o n g • J o h a n n e s b u r g • L o n d o n • L o s A n g e l e s • M a d r i d • M e x i c o City • Milan • M o s c o w • M u n i c h • N e w York • Paris • R o m e S a n F r a n c i s c o • S a o Paulo • S e o u l • S i n g a p o r e • S t o c k h o l m • S y d n e y • Tokyo • Toronto • Zurich

t 35

Ladies off to better start

IC shoot to win

Fencing After w h a t c o u l d b e c o n s i d e r e d a disappointing season

last year, I C

Ladies F e n c i n g t e a m

g o t off to a

Basketball

win the e p e e t o o . W e w e r e h o p e f u l g o i n g into t h e epee,

a n d Captain

King's

Imperial....

half a foot bigger than our o p p o nents.

g o o d start this s e a s o n , b e a t i n g U C L

L e u c h a e a c h w o n their first fight, g i v -

T r a d i t i o n a l l y , t h e first m a t c h o f t h e

10-8. W e were p r e p a r e d f o r strong

ing

s e a s o n h a s n e v e r b e e n very

opposition, having remembered fhe

captain

us a 2 - 0 start.

O u r excellent

went o n to w i n both h e r

t e a m they h a d last year, b u t w e a l s o

o t h e r f i g h t s , t h e last o n e s e c u r i n g

t h o u g h t that w e c o u l d b e i n with a

the

c h a n c e t o t a k e the m a t c h .

ished. Clare fenced

match

w e ' d even

before

fin-

w e l l , but h a d

As the game

went

though, certain players picked up

Katherine a n d

good

f o r t h e m e n s firsts, a n d t o d a y w a s

their game, a n d made key contributions that kept us in contention for victory.

because

O f particular note were A d a m ,

Kings played well, despite their n e w

K K and Ellias from last year, as well

talent,

still

as James and Franck who have

practice

joined us this year. They all played

no exception.. That wasn't

but because

we were

with

rarely f e n c e d e p e e b e f o r e a n d d i d n ' t

suffering f r o m not e n o u g h

C a p t a i n Katherine w i n n i n g a l l three

m a n a g e t o t a k e a fight. L e u c h a w o n

o v e r t h e s u m m e r . W e m a n a g e d to

exceptionally well, a n d helped us

o n e o f h e r o t h e r t w o fights a n d I C

beat

to pull away in the final minutes as

t o o k the m a t c h 1 0 - 8 .

sions,

First

we fenced

h e r fights

the foil,

in excellent

style .

L e u c h a w o n t w o o f h e r fights, a n d A n n i e p u t in a g r e a t

R u m o u r s a b o u n d that there a r e

performance,

considering she hasn't f e n c e d for 1 8

a c o u p l e o f g o o d f e n c e r s o u t there

m o n t h s , bu t a l t h o u g h t h e r e w e r e a

w h o h a v e n ' t t u r n e d u p yet, a n d a l s o

couple

ourselves

o n several

b e i n g out-

Kings fell apart. O u r composure

by a 3-ft p o i n t - g u a r d o n

towards the buzzer was certainly a

at o n e p o i n t

jumped

occa-

marked improvement on last year.

the K i n g s t e a m . even

The team still has a lot of work

that U C L w o u l d b e o u r most difficult

t h r o u g h o u t , with K i n g s l e a d i n g f o r

to do before we can consider the

m a n a g e t o w i n a fight. T h a t g a v e us

m a t c h , s o with t h e possibility of a

most of the g a m e .

stronger team

mainly to o u r inability to r e b o u n d

are certainly looking good for the

the

play-offs. With any luck, we should

of close

5-4 l e a d

fights, s h e d i d n ' t

going

into t h e e p e e ,

later in t h e s e a s o n ,

w h i c h m e a n t that t o a v o i d e i t h e r l o s -

ing o r d r a w i n g the m a t c h w e h a d t o

confidence high.

f a c e o u r next m a t c h

with o u r

The

game

ball

having

w a s pretty

T h i s w a s d u e dizzy heights of O x f o r d , but things

o r p u t shots a n average

i n , despite

height

Trip to Coleraine

about

have a very g o o d season.

IN BRIEF

Sailing-June 17-20 1999

the side

LSE

crutches)

(hopping

around on

a n d telepathically

Underdown

(at h e r

deathbed).

An intrepid collection of sailors a n d

w h i l s t t h e w i n d s t a r t e d t o d r o p in

Last y e a r ' s m a t c h a g a i n s t o u r o l d

Tinky winky s c o r e d 2 g o a l s

non-sailors m a s s e d in Southside o n

the e v e n i n g . S o m e h i g h l y a m u s i n g

adversaries

1 5 m i n u t e s , a n d s o o n after S t e p h

the e v e n i n g o f t h e 1 7 t h o f J u n e f o r

s p e c t a t o r s p o r t w a s t o b e h a d by

f o u g h t b a t t l e , a n d this y e a r w a s n o

brought

the a n n u a l trip t o t h e C o l e r a i n e 2 4

watching

exception.

T h e battlefield

scene

s u p e r b hit. T h e girls w e r e

was

extra

visual

hour

race

in Northern

Ireland.

Sarah

trying

b o a t i n s t e a d o f a m i n i b u s , with B e n

entering the

and

h e r regularly

event f o r 2 7 consecutive years a n d

and

even more

our

attendance

swimming

The

format

Imperial

boat

has been

is h i g h l y

valued.

o f t h e r a c e is t h a t a

is k e p t s a i l i n g f o r 2 4 h o u r s

t o steer a

mast,

round

untying

swapping

jobs

often to b e seen the t o p of the

soggy

wet spin-

effects

provided

the night

During

the wind

flair

brating G u y Falke's the

basket

ball

court.

closely

with

by U n i o n

Training w h o s e e m e d

behind

nakers

from 2 p m Saturday to 2 p m Sunday

given

LSE w a s a

Fire

to be cele-

night early in

courts

Thanks

directly

guys.

Ever

half

the score

time,

within

to 3 - 0 with a

having

pleased

not experi-

e n c e d t h e f e e l i n g o f l e a d i n g at half t i m e ( o r f u l l t i m e last s e a s o n ) . In t h e s e c o n d h a l f a l l the girls w e r e o n t o p form

and 4

goals

were

s c o r e d , 2 by K a t i e , 1 by J o a n d 1

w o n d e r e d if it m i g h t h a v e b e e n a n

advantage

girls c e l e b r a t e d victoriously except

f o r us t o b r e a t h e ?

half-pint. After

the match the

with pit s t o p s f o r c r e w c h a n g e s e t c .

picked up, Simon a n d Alex record-

as m a n y t i m e s a s r e q u i r e d / w a n t e d

e d t h e fastest l a p o f t h e r a c e , O i l y

h a v i n g p l a y e d t h e first half t h r o u g h

for Karen w h o c o m p l a i n e d she got

a n d various helpers sailed r o u n d in

the s m o k e a n d a g a i n s t a b a c k d r o p

bored

being

lots

various

of f l a m e s , t h e s c o r e w a s b a l a n c i n g

plenty

(2 f o r T i n k y

heads,

o n a k n i f e - e d g e at 1 8 1 8 . A lull in

Katie,

1 f o r J o a n d 1 f o r Steph)

without actually completing a l a p .

the t h i r d q u a r t e r s a w LSE t a k e t h e

w e ' r e off t o party b u t w e ' l l b e b a c k .

They

lead 2 2 - 2 7 before the furious pace

in t h a t t i m e . It w a s d e c i d e d t h a t w e w o u l d o n e serious(ishl)

enter one

really

team a n d

n o t very serious

at all

t e a m i n t o t h e e v e n t this year. Finally the sailing started. T h e

circles,

appendages

must

with

stuck t o t h e i r

have

then

got bored

b e c a u s e the s e c o n d team boat w a s seen to be pulled u p o n the b e a c h

LSE's f a v o u r 2 9 - 3 3 . D e f i n i t e l y next

lost a l o a d b y p u t t i n g u p t h e i r s p i n -

f o r a n h o u r o r s o whilst s o m e o t h e r

year

naker when they'd forgotten h o w to

people

w e e k St. G e o r g e ' s - g o girls!

fly o n e . C a n ' t r e m e m b e r a b o u t t h e

s u a d e d t o sail.

up a n d per-

In t h e e n d t h e first t e a m

s e c o n d t e a m . Right f r o m t h e start it

LSE ( y o u w e r e

going to be a team of people from

pleting more laps than ever c o m -

Strathclyde

pleted before a n d being genuinely

IC I!

brilliant.

QMW

rule

w a s instigated

The second

team

didn't

where f o r the evening the s e c o n d

r e a l l y rate i n s a i l i n g t e r m s at a l l , bu t

team h a d t o o take a four pack out

they

with t h e m , t o b e c o n s u m e d

whilst

s a i l i n g . T h e first t e a m w e r e

racing

round

place,

in o r near

t o first

also

succeeded

in terms of

2 for

Also Received

Ladies Hockey

Cross

Country

10th,

23rd

Rugby 7

- I C in 3 r d ,

and 28th;

6th,

Ladies

- IC

Ists

52 - 0

Brunei

(played 1 3 / 1 0 / 1 9 9 9 )

0 F o o t b a l l - G o l d s m i t h s 3 r d s 1 - 3 IC

Despite

having

8 players, the

b e i n g g o d s , just in a slightly d i f f e r -

m i g h t y girls s h o w e d t h e i r stuff a n d

ent, m o r e hazy way.

stormed CD

jugs a

2 n d , 7th, 1 7th

s e c o n d o n h a n d i c a p , despite c o m -

seriously.

lucky!).

came

w a s c l e a r that o u r m a i n rivals w e r e

w h o t o o k it a l l f a r t o o

With Winky,

returned a n d the m atc h finished in

first t e a m h a d a g o o d start b u t t h e n

were w o k e n

goalie.

into

the m a t c h .

3 r d s III; IC IV 5 - 4 I C S M IV; IC VI 4 - 5 K i n g s VII ; IC VII 1 - 6 R C S I

Encour-

a g e d by t h e i r c a p t a i n s C h u n d e r b i r d

Sorry guys - r u n o u t of s p a c e !

Ay-caramba! Medics win Tries aplenty for seconds ICSM Football half as the Medics put 8 goals past the helpless SBLH keeper. Adam Humphries made a notable 1st The ICSM team lived up to its team debut on the left wing and billing as one of the favourites to John Williams made many penewin UL Division One with an trating runs from midfield. He was emphatic 1 0-1 away win in the first eventually fouled on one of these game of the season against SBLH runs resulting in a penalty that the 1 sts. The loss of several key players captain Ned Carabine put away left a somewhat depleted team with with aplomb. SBLH never posed a tricky away tie at Chislehurst any danger up front and any attacks were nullified by the ICSM against notoriously determined opposition. Once the game start- defence and the impressive ed, however, there was little debate Eamonn Rabie. The SBLH goal as to which was the stronger side came at the death as a header was and ICSM dominated. The amount deflected past the keeper. This, however, could not be much of a of possession was not reflected in the scoreline at halftime with ICSM consolation to them as the Medics only winning 2 â&#x20AC;&#x201D; 0. scored goal after goal and hit the woodwork twice. This was rectified in the second St .Bart's 1 ICSM 1

Mens Football GKT 1

IC 1

The only phrase to describe this performance would be aerial dominance with 3 of the 4 IC goals coming form our boy's bonces. A new system was needed following the absence of Nak and Steve, and it took us a little time to adapt allowing GKT to score a sloppy first goal. However, this did not knock us off track, as we started to pass the ball around well in the midfield. The first goal came from a nice move involving Juan and Dave and Alex nodded the ball over the stranded keeper. After this it was all IC and we took the lead before the break thanks to a storming header form Tony. The ball was whipped over by Warren and Tony managed to head the ball and take two defenders and put them all in the back of the

extending the lead, with another header from Jamie's cross. Whining Warren scored the fourth after a move that involved most of the team. By the time they scored their second, the game was won.

Rugby to score. Soon followed more tries from Flo and Rich Seppings but a lack of tackling ability let the medics After a poor start to the season last score with ease, leaving the score at week with a narrow win against half-time to be 31 -8 in our favour. Brunei (I), the seconds soon hit top As the second half started, so the form. As the harsh winds of Har- 2nds started playing exhibition rugby with the backs playing golden lington blew across the pitch and kick off drew near, the tension and rugby, more tries followed as the anticipation soon rose. With the forwards secured good ball to allow the backs to score almost every time advantage of the wind the medics went into an early lead as the new they gained possession. As the 2nds tried to gain some kind of score rose so did the 2nds aggresshape in the forwards. Then as the sion, managing to reduce their backs and forwards started to dom- team to 1 3. After repeated pleas for inate all over the pitch, the score mercy, the ref gave in and called started to mount as the 2nds moved time with 20 minutes still on the up a couple of gears, the first try clock. In the end, "the gay icon" led coming as Tim "the Gay icon" with five tries and Flo was just behind with four. Denyer burst through their defence IC Ik... RUMS

.65

Disco boys destroy GKT Hockey - Disco Squad

scrabble the ball came loose to Prelapsed Bowel (lain Pyle) at the GKT III 0 top of the D. He entered the What can I say, another Wednes- channel of Love. With palm sweatday, another BUSA fixture, another UCL 1 2 ing and his shaft throbbing he crushing victory. swung and shot his load into the IC 1 1 It seems the Disco Lads barely goal. The back-board exploded missed their gallant heroic (and Gutted! Absolutely gutted. IC in a thriiling climax to the half and really rather attractive) leader as he milked the last drops of joy played like champs for most of the Fabio, in what was a most decisive game and took the lead after a it was clear we were on to a winresult. Tong the keeper was kept UCL defender steered in Warren's ner. busy by the subs whilst the remainheader. We created a few other At the half we were up 5 to nil, ing 10 men spent the entire game the tally, 2 to Mammers, 2 to Jesus half-chances, but failed to find the hacking the opposition to death in and 1 to the man of the match, target. their D. Prelapse. The second half was With 15 mins to go we were The disco short corner routine typical Disco. Not elegant but still in control when a forward was is coming on well this season and brutally (yes, you Mammers) effiallowed to stroll through the midof the 750 short corners so far, cient. field/defence and hit a lame shot Mammers finally converted one to Four more beauties flowed that squirmed through the bewilopen his account. The first half from the stick of the sundance kid, dered keeper. was comfortable but highlighted none from a yard but who cares, it Things went from bad to worse when another defensive mix up by one simple moment of utter was another moment of Disco net. glory. glory so come on then, who's In the second half the differ- allowed them to get the winner with In the midst of a goal-line next. ence in class was obscene, Dan about 7 mins left. IC III