The Student N e w s p a p e r of I m p e r i a l College 2 May 2000 : Issue 1173
T h i s is a s u b l i m i n a l
message:
Al Pocino talks a b o u t
Any Given Sunday
vote f o r t h e m a n o n the right Poqe 4
S o u t h s i d e r e n o v a t i o n faces s e t b a c k GARETH M O R G A N
their receipt caused a temporary
The planned redevelopment of the
p a i d e a c h month.
Southside halls of residence has
was c o m p o u n d e d by the decision
been postponed "until mid 2 0 0 1 " ,
to pay off around £ 3 million of
deficit when staff expenses were The problem
after a reassessment of the project
debts last July to ease the transfer
by Imperial C o l l e g e Estates.
to the new system. Although there
The delay was a n n o u n c e d at a
have been n o serious losses, a n d
meeting of C o l l e g e C o u n c i l at the
the finances are set to recover as
end of last term. The project as a
debts are p a i d , the lack of capital
whole
has not b e e n
accordin g
to J o h n
delayed,
has reduced the profits made by
W a l s h , the
investing surpluses.
Assistant Director of Projects in the
M e a n w h i l e , the renovation of
Estates Department, only the c o n -
Beit
struction
slightly
itself.
There will
be a
Hall
looks later
likely
than
to finish
scheduled,
greater " l e a d i n " time, which will
although Estates are "still looking
allow the project to be planned in
to maintain the end d a t e " , a c c o r d -
finer
detail.
This,
in turn,
will
ing to M r W a l s h . The delays are
improve the efficiency of the c o n -
associated with the problems of
struction and allow for contracting to
be finalised
before
building
work starts. Estates are currently reviewing
Southside: open for another year
Photo: Dave
Senior C o m m o n Room a n d the around £ 2 0 0 million outside the construction of the Multi-DiscipliC o l l e g e " . Ms Castle stated that the
the timescale for the construction
nary
in light of the improved planning,
Imperial
Research Building
capital projects were proceeding
ments, which are to be developed
according to the C o l l e g e ' s long-
by Imperial C o l l e g e U n i o n , should
term plans, citing the M R D B as a
not be delayed.
lished
descriptions of these a n d other
prime example of a development
mission.
only
planned projects, but the South-
that is working well.
Willis Jackson H o u s e , in Evelyn
side redevelopment is not listed;
Gardens, is due to undergo reno-
neither are the other "rolling refur-
new, £ 6 million
vation in the next a c a d e m i c year,
bishments" of Imperial's halls of
appears
easing the pressure o n spaces in
residence.
short-term
that
halls a n d allowing the C o l l e g e to
Annual
Report
includes
However, the introduction of a finance
to have
Contracts are "currently being signed" for the first stage in the
caused
cash flow
system
Royal School of Mines makeover, the conversion of Level 4 into new
some
offices. A n "in-house strategy for
difficulties.
the whole b u i l d i n g " , rather than
Beryl Castle, C o l l e g e ' s Direc-
Due to problems integrating the
the initial plan of renovating every-
of Finance, denied
rumours
new system with existing adminis-
thing at o n c e , is now favoured.
problems were to
tration systems, there have been
Although this will still cost tens of
fulfil its promise to offer a c c o m -
tor
modation to all first year under-
that financial
graduates.
blame
Part of Estates' rationale in
ly beyond the target of 1 July. M r Walsh said that work o n the base-
(MRDB).
and hope to minimise the period means
unlikely to prolong the work great-
C o l l e g e ' s recently-pub-
for which the halls are out of c o m This
working with old buildings, but are
for the changes, as the
projects were never intended to be
delays
in processing the tuition
millions of pounds and take sever-
fees bills, which were not sent out
al years, it is less expensive a n d
delaying the Southside project was
funded
College
until December. Since fees a n d
disruptive than the alternative. The
to "safeguard o u r financial expo-
funds. Indeed, in his introduction
support grants from Local Educa-
costs have been inflated
sure", as there
to the Annual Report the Rector,
tion Authorities accounted for £ 3 4
need to maintain the front of the
are several s o -
directly
from
called "capital projects" underway,
Lord O x b u r g h , states that progress
million last year, some 10% of the
including the refurbishment of the
"will depend o n our ability to find
C o l l e g e ' s turnover,
the delay in
by the
listed building, which faces Prince Consort Road.
2
Felix * 2 May 2000
News
B U S A Executive accept hybrid London goes to the polls
this
entry
HOLLY BARNES
Thursday, s o we present you with a slimmed down version of the
The latest plans for the massive
candidates manifestoes.
£ 3 0 0 million renovation of the St Mary's site threaten to completely subsume the Chelsea & Westminster
Travel
Hospital, as well as forcing the closure of the Royal Brompton a n d
The Caving C l u b take on M o r o c co
Harefield Hospitals. The National Heart a n d Lung
in a search f o r " C a v e r n ' s
Institute (currently at the Brompton
Measureless to M a n " .
site) and specialist children's surgery services will be incorporated into the new "Super Hospital" according to plans set to g o to public consultaC & G launch their budies scheme, and Tasha talks discounts.
Columns Mishmash
dishes the dirt o n
Feedback This week's letters focus o n the elections,
Photo: Archive
The Charing Cross and Westminster Hospital
the loss of the surgery will reduce
at a cost of £ 2 3 0 million, a n d as gle campus, as the only way in
the integrity of the hospital, despite
such it is believed that any threat to
which
reassurances that other services will
its
internationally),
replace it. Although the intention to
amongst government
future
may cause
concern
figures a n d
close the Brompton and Harefield
senior N H S administrators who are
has been known since the unveiling
fearful
powerful
lobbies
are thought to be at work on both sides. Any decision on the future of the
to the
should such an expensive construc-
Chelsea a n d Westminster will not
Chelsea and Westminster threatens
tion be made redundant so soon.
need to be made for some time, as
to stir up increased controversy.
However, with Imperial regarded as
work o n the new structure, to be
the plan , the threat
of a major
the College c a n compete
loss of face
of
masonic links and the library.
forthcoming
tion soon. Doctors are worried that
The Chelsea and Westminster is
the major driving force behind the
constructed next to the existing St
London's newest teaching hospital,
project (viewing a major centre for
Mary's building, is not due to begin
having opened just seven years a g o
medical research, focused on a sin-
until 2 0 0 5 .
surveys
and excess management.
In
Brief
Reviews Screen interviews A l Pacino, M u s i c
L E A G U E TABLE LATEST
BEIT Q U A D C L O S U R E
grant are b l a m e d . In contrast, 2 0 769
reports o n the best of the Easter
Erasmus students
c a m e to
clubbing, and G a m e s brings you
The latest Times G o o d University
Britain in 1 9 9 7 - 9 8 , a n increase of
Access to Beit Q u a d is likely to be
all the latest Dreamcast releases.
Guide
around 2 5 0 0 since 1 9 9 4 - 1 9 9 5
restricted over the weekend of 13-
league
table
has o n c e
1 4 May. This is to allow the crane
a g a i n placed Imperial C o l l e g e in second
Seven Days
place
Cambridge.
overall,
A
more
behind
PRAYER R O O M P R O B L E M S
currently situated in the Q u a d to be removed by contractors Long-
detailed
breakdown, published in the Times
The future of the Islamic Prayer
ley. The date has yet to be con-
As ever, we condense one week
Higher
Education
Supplement,
Room is uncertain after a meeting
firmed - check next week's Felix or
into a selection of handy boxes.
shows that Imperial
has the best
between I C U , the Islamic Society
look for notices in the U n i o n .
ratio in the country,
and C o l l e g e Administration. The
staff-student
Crossword
as well as a g o o d teaching assess-
planned site, part of the Union's
ment score a n d high spending per
developments
S T U D E N T S S H O T AT
of the Beit base-
student. However, Imperial award
ments, was vetoed due to its prox-
Friday night revellers in the Union
from
relatively few first a n d upper sec-
imity to the U n i o n bars. It was felt
over the Easter break got more
Turnip Henry this week, with both
ond class degrees c o m p a r e d to
that this would
than they b a r g a i n e d for when they
cryptic and quick crosswords.
other leading institutions, a n d only
problem on Fridays.
A
brace of brainteasers
be a particular
were repeatedly shot at as they walked past the Royal School of
4 0 % of staff work in teaching or
M ines . A n unknown assailant fired
KINGS BIG BUILDING
research.
a paintball gun at them after they
Competitions ERASMUS IMBALANCE
Wilkins
O n c e again, Felix teams up with ISIC to offer you the chance to win a set of Lonely Planet goodies.
Sport & Societies
Kings
Fewer U K students are taking up
College's
new Franklin-
building,
which w a s
left
Beit
Quad.
Although
they
a v o i d e d the volley, the building
opened by the Princess Royal o n
was
paint. Police are investigating the
Erasmus places to study in Europe,
22
dents, making it the largest univer-
incident, a n d think that the shots
choosing
sity building in London. Recently
were fired from
9994
British
here.
students
Only
hold
4500
stu-
by green
while more European students are to study
M a r c h , will
hit several times
took up
refurbished for £ 5 0 million, the
placements last year, c o m p a r e d to
building will house the Schools of
Mountaineering head for Spain,
1 1 9 9 8 in 1 9 9 4 - 9 5 . Poor lan-
Health a n d Life Sciences, Nursing
whilst Cross Country get naked.
guag e
skills a n d a n insufficient
& Midwifery and Education.
Mansions,
the Albert Hall
across the r o a d . A
police s p o k e s m a n said that they had identified a suspect a n d that an arrest was imminent.
2 May 2000 * Felix
Summer
News
Ball 2 0 0 0 p l u m p s for F u l h a m ' s
RICK BLAINE
3
Paragon
event runs as smoothly as possible in future years, the current sabbatical alter-
team has already begun planning for
ations to the initial plan, it's now all
After several false starts and
the 2001 Summer Ball, which is like-
systems g o for this year's ICU Sum-
ly to take place on Queen's Lawn. As
mer Ball.
a result, M s Newton was keen to
Having initially opted to return to
point out that this year's dinner will
Alexandra Palace, home to the last
be "the last to be held outside of the
two balls, the Summer Ball Commit-
College for some time... so I guess
tee has now decided to hold the
it's really the year to g o " . Although
event at the Paragon Hotel. Although
there are fears that much of the fun
the decision was primarily made o n
of the event will be lost by a move
grounds of cost - a total loss in
onto campus, M r Clifford
excess of £ 1 0 0 0 0 was projected for
out several clear advantages to bas-
a return to last year's venue - ICU
Photo: Jonas
pointed
ing the Ball at South Kensington. In
Deputy President (Finance and Ser-
Last year's Summer Ball at the Alexandra Palace
vices) Ian Clifford suggested that a
time to set-up the planned Ents,
Clifford is ensuring that the event
move to the Fulham venue also
including a band, disco and casino -
cannot possibly lose money, so the
charge for venue hire ), meaning that
brings with it several other advan-
have eventually led to Friday 2 3
scale of the Ball has been consider-
ticket prices will be decreased and Ents will be drastically improved -
particular, the event would be much cheaper to run (as there would be no
tages, such as proximity and a lower
June, one week before the end of
ably reduced. Around 4 5 0 - 5 0 0
ticket price. Union President Tasha
term, being chosen. Tickets will cost
tickets will need to be sold in order
indeed, this year's Summer Ball
Newton confirmed this buoyant out-
£45 and should go on sale on M o n -
for the event to break even. Howev-
would almost certainly have taken
look, promising that this year's event
day 15 May. A three course meal,
er, the hotel's owners have set a limit
place on site had it not been for the
will be "really super duper".
champagne
assorted
of 8 5 0 people on their "Enterprise
ongoing building work.
Although a date of Saturday 24
entertainments and "lots and lots of
Suite", which means that, at full
June was tentatively agreed before
wine" will all be included in the price.
capacity, around 5 0 0 fewer revellers
involved in next year's Ball should
than last year will be able to attend.
contact Tasha Newton via presi-
Christmas, several changes of plan caused by the need for adequate
reception,
After last year's massive losses, one of the major concerns for M r
cone
In order to make sure that the
Anyone
who wants
to be
dent@ic.ac.uk.
Make yourself heard
Imperial College Union
Council
6.00pm, Tuesday 2nd May CU Council + ICU Council - ItCJlWi! + iCD. ' „ „ Union Dining Hall Including the election of a new ^ ~
h
'*-'C
Post-Graduate Group
Chair
Interested in standing? Then sign up on the noticeboards on the Union first floor, or contact any of the Union sabbaticals
GLA Elections
lip
Ken Livingstone - Independent -
Frank Dobson - Labour -
Susan Kramer Liberal Democrat
Felix ÂŤ 2 May 2000
It's
m a k e
Darren Johnson - Green -
m i n d
up
time...
Transport: Will oppose tube privatisation and demand
vide funding for 15 0 0 0 new, affordable homes, whilst
increased government grants to subsidise modernising
working to reclaim London's 100 0 0 0 empty homes.
programmes. Also promises to freeze fares in real terms
Money: Will oppose the Government's proposed cut-
for four years, push for two new tube lines and intro-
back in regeneration funding and battle against high
duce congestion charging.
interest rates and the strong pound, which "creates
Crime: Promises to dramatically increase staffing, with
uncertainty and concern" in manufacturing industries.
2 0 0 0 new officers as an initial target, and invest heav-
Silly thing: "As Mayor, I will back the case for London
ily in drugs awareness and rehabilitation schemes.
student maintenance arrangements which fully meet
Jobs: Will lobby the Government to increase London
the extra costs of studying in the capital."
weighting for all public sector employees. Homes: Says he will pressurise the Government to pro-
Website: www.livingstoneforiondon.org.uk/
Transport: Promises to oppose tube privatisation and
Homes: Offers 10 0 0 0 cheap new homes for nurses,
congestion charges, renew the tube system by 2 0 1 0 ,
teachers and police officers. Promises to "work flat out"
give a free bus passes to every under-eighteen in the
to combat homelessness.
capital, and ensure that there are "no increased taxes,
Money: Will freeze Council Tax in real terms and intro-
fares or charges during my first four years".
duce a "London Lottery" to raise ÂŁ 5 0 million for good
Crime: Says he will reverse the rise in street crime with-
causes chosen by Londoners.
in two years, "sweep drugs off our streets" and put
Silly thing: "I will celebrate the capital with an annual
more police on the streets.
Sunday O u t for Londoners, with traffic banned from the
Jobs: Will work in partnership with business to create
centre and free museum entry."
an extra 100 0 0 0 jobs, and set up a new task force to tackle black and Asian unemployment.
Website: www.frank-dobson.org.uk/
Transport: "Rescuing public transport is my first priority."
social exclusion" by improving housing and increasing
Promises to avoid tube privatisation via good manage-
the availability of training and health centres.
ment and proper investment, with revenue bonds pro-
Money: Will set-up a network of new "Community
viding billions for rebuilding.
Banks" to revive High Street shopping and help new
Crime: Says she will fight Jack Straw to give the Metro-
businesses.
politan Police the resources it needs, reversing recent
Silly thing: "I will take the local government workers -
cuts in police numbers. Will back up Met officers with
traffic wardens, street inspectors, park rangers - and
1000 "Community Safety Constables".
give them training and responsibility to watch out for the
Jobs: Will focus training on the jobs that are available
safety of the community."
and promote e-commerce businesses. Homes: Promises to "revitalise communities and combat
Website: www.susankramer.org/
Transport: Promises to deliver 24-hour tube and bus
ing for all public sector employees.
services, a massive rail and tube
Steven Norris - Conservative
y o u r
expansion
pro-
Homes: Says he will promote right-to-buy schemes and
gramme, no congestion charges, fewer bus lanes, and
move the homeless off London's streets.
2 0 0 0 miles of dedicated cycle paths.
Money: Promises to promote inward investment and
Crime: Insists he will reverse recent cuts in police num-
cut-down on red-tape that gets in the way of efficiency
bers, increase the number of officers drawn
Silly thing: "I will license buskers w h o pass proper
from
minority groups, publish daily crime figures and estab-
organised auditions by Tube travellers. In the process,
lish a new independent complaints commission.
they will become part of the eyes and ears of manage-
Jobs: Will work with the new Learning & Skills Councils
ment."
to ensure training opportunities for the unemployed. Will lobby the Government to increase London weight-
Website: www.norrisforlondon.com/
Transport: Will reduce road traffic in Central London by
and cooperative schemes.
4 0 % by 2 0 0 8 via congestion charges on private car
Homes: Will introduce a "Warm Homes Strategy" to
use, a new tax on company car-parking spaces, rolling
insulate housing, reduce fuel bills and improve health.
out "car free" zones, strict enforcement of bus lanes
Money: Promises to oppose all schemes which are
and a five year fares freeze for all public transport.
"environmentally destructive" (eg Heathrow Terminal
Crime: Promises to prioritise racial issues and c o m m u -
Five) and end low pay and discrimination at work.
nity policing, with increased recruitment from the ethnic
Silly thing: " W e will press for a reduction in the amount
minorities.
of violence and advertising on television, especially in
Jobs: Says he will create an additional 8 0 0 0 0 jobs in
programmes watched by children."
the environmental and public transport sectors, whilst revitalising the poorest communities via credit unions
Website: www.greenparty.org.uk/gla2000/
m a y
m a d n e s s
.you
m u s t don't
g e t
t h e
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Imperial College OF SCIENCE, TECHNOLOGY AND MEDICINE
Travel
Felix Âť 2 May 2000 Having succeeded in blagging some grants and
40km, because the piste followed a river bed
found someone who was willing to put up with us
strewn with large boulders. Having spent the
for a month and act as our chauffeur for the trip,
entire journey walking in front of our four-by-four,
a group from IC's Caving Club set of for Moroc-
moving rocks out of the way to avoid writing off
co last September, equipped with the bare essen-
our Landrover (or so we thought), we couldn't
tials: our ex-RAF four-by-four, a minimal amount
believe it when were passed by two Bedford trucks
of caving equipment, and even less clothing. And
full of people and piled with produce.
with that, we set off on our 2 0 0 0 mile journey...
finishing its market day, which gave us a chance
we immediately started the two day slog across
to stock up on vegetables. The enclosed market
Spain, heading for the windsurfing mecca of Tari-
was lined with hundreds of tiny shacks, selling
fa, where we took advantage of the cheap fuel
absolutely everything, including several butchers
and stocked-up on food and spirits. When I say
who generally had various parts of goats and
we, I mean Shed, Goaty, Clewin, Jan and C o l m
sheep hanging in the sun and engulfed by flies,
(all members of IC Caving) and Pete the driver (a
with the odd severed goats head lying on the
50 year-old man whose ability to drive vast dis-
ground. We decided to stick to the fruit and veg.
tances with little rest and only the occasional dram
Making enquiries over a Fanta at the local
of whisky was unbelievable). The third and final
cafe, we were informed of a cave in the nearby
leg of our journey started at 4am, driving to Alge-
hills. So, following brief directions given in French
ceiras to catch the ferry to Tangier. The customs at
we drove out the town in search of it. Not only did
Tangier were extremely suspicious of the obvious-
we find the cave, but the camp spot was idyllic - a
ly military vehicle and started a thorough search,
stream which came out of the nearby cliffs flowed
eventually letting us go when they found some
past our site, and the valley bottom was a lawn of
French literature on caves (and Pete slipped them
grass dotted with trees. We made ourselves com-
some fags).
fortable and spent the next few days exploring the
Arriving in Marrakech late that night, our first
OH
The large village we had arrived at was just
Arriving in Santander early the next morning,
cave and surrounding area, helped enormously
mission was to locate some large scale maps of
by a couple of locals, who had been exploring the
the Atlas Mountains. Unfortunately they are very
cave with torches and lamps. O n e of them told us
hard to get and we weren't lucky. Opting to go
of a passage that he had followed for ages with-
looking for food instead, we headed for the
out finding the end, which obviously intrigued us.
Djeema Efina, a large square at the heart of Mar-
We exchanged addresses and promised to return
rakech which is packed in the evenings with food-
to carry out a proper exploration of the cave.
stalls selling soup, salads, meat, doughnuts and
O u r diet of tomato and pasta stew became a
fruit - all you see whilst approaching arc crowds
bit tedious after the second or third week, so we
of people, and the smell and the smoke are the
decided to stop for a slap-up meal in next big
only evidence of food. The stallholders shout at
town we came to. This led to an unfortunate
passers-by and each other, competing for custom,
event,
and all you have to sit on are rickety benches
our group had food-poisoning, and he spent the
around the edges, squashed in with other people.
whole night throwing up anything he tried to swal-
as it soon became apparent that one of
That night we headed out of Marrakech and
low. However, we soon forgot about it as there
camped by the road - after all, we were here to
were more important matters in hand - mainly
get into the mountains and start exploring for
beer, as we were approaching a town where Pete
caves.
assured us he could locate a hotel that sold real
Though a large amount of the Atlas are lime-
beer. We strolled in very casually and took our
stone (and therefore contain extensive cave net-
place on the veranda. Unbeknown to us, howev-
work), we had three main target areas: Jbe
er, there was trouble ahead, as one of our party
Azourki, Plateau Des Lacs and the Dades and
was having a relapse... While we waited to be
Todra gorges. We acquired some maps and
served he was leaning over the veranda, and with
background info whilst Goaty (our expedition
almost comic timing he projectile vomited over
geologist) acquired some more info. Goaty was
the waiter. Fortunately he missed the stonework,
also our expedition linguist (having been learning
but when we asked for our drinks we were told
Arabic for the past few months), but sadly his
politely but firmly that they did not sell beer. We
expertise only stretched as far as useful phrases
made our excuses and left.
such as 'I don't know much Arabic', 'were are the
O u r time in Morocco was running out, and
caves?' and 'how much for the little girl?'. How-
with the last couple of days we headed south to
ever, by the end of the trip we had all mastered a
the Sahara Desert. Pete was in his element, as he
little Arabic and the response we got from the
had many friends and contacts in these parts. The
locals was always completely different as a result.
next few days were comparative luxury: we slept in
There are only two roads crossing the Atlas,
Berber tents and were given guided tours of local
so getting into the mountains was done on 'pistes'
kasbhahs, we took a camel ride to the edge of the
(the rough tracks used by the Berbers) on donkeys
dunes, and we spent one night camped under a
and trucks which acted as a bus service for the
completely full moon playing cards and drinking
locals transporting produce to and from Souks.
mint tea with local guides. The next day, our last
O u r first camp was on a fairly busy route, with two
full day in Morocco, we watched the sunrise from
or three trucks passing each day. Frequently, how-
the top of an enormous sand dune. That evening
ever, the pistes were washed away, and the only
we were back in Marrakech, the next night Tarifa
route was to follow the river beds - on one occa-
and finally, after seven days of travel, we arrived
sion it took an entire day's driving to cover just
back in Plymouth.
8
Union
Felix » 2 May 2000
C I T Y
&
G U I L D S
C O L L E G E
U
N
I
O
N
CGCU take the pain out of coming to College with the launch of their campus-wide buddies system The idea is this - every single incom-
How can you get involved?
ing fresher in the next academic year
It's simple. The logistics involved
will be paired up with a senior student
in handling this for your course are
(the buddy) on the same course. The
being handled by your departmental
buddies are to be drawn from the stu-
representative - the staff
dent body of the second, third and
department have already agreed to
in every
fourth year students on each course.
help us run this scheme smoothly.
The intent is to maintain this scheme
Most departments have already elect-
and to keep it running in the years to
ed their dep reps for next year - you
come, perfecting it and ironing out
can get in contact directly with your
any difficulties that may arise.
dep rep right away
What would be the benefits of such a
Civ Eng: Catherine Luther (Yr 3)
scheme?
C h e m Eng: Max Arendt (Yr 3)
O u r core aim is to make freshers
D o C : RishaarRawal (Yr 1)
feel more welcome here. This is our
Elec Eng: Shant Oknayan (Yr 2)
opportunity to reach out personally to
ISE: Mustafa A r i f ( Y r l )
every fresher and give her or him an
Mech Eng: Melody Lam (Yr 3)
immediate
access
point
into the
department. A student in a higher
Aeronautical
year is more likely to know who to talk to regarding any matters of interest or
Engineering stu-
dents have not elected their dep rep Why should you become a buddy?
boat a year or two before. Then
yet, but will be doing so soon. In the
any problems. Moreover, the forming
Well, why not? This is not going
again, getting a bit cynical, doesn't it
meanwhile, get in contact with us at
of friendships between freshers and
to take up a lot of your time - it's not
look good on your C V to say you've
guilds@ic.ac.uk directly if you're an
students from higher years is impor-
a formal job or anything. You have a
been in a position of responsibility?
Aero student and want to be involved.
tant to help build a spirit within the
great opportunity here to be of gen-
Taking part could be seen as devel-
We need as many people as possible
departments
uine help to a grateful fresher coming
oping the key skills of organisation
in order to make the scheme work, so
in - after all, you were in the same
and communication.
please get in touch.
that transcends year
groups.
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A r t i s t s R e p o r t e r s
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from
London.
E m a i l
f e l i x @ i c . a c . u k
Union
2 May 2000 • Felix
T h e
S t a t e
o f
t h e
U n i o n Blatant Plugs
By T a s h a N e w t o n , Imperial C o l l e g e U n i o n President
Welcome back. I hear rumours that
9
the front page is set to rock the
Believe it or not, planning has
Sherfield boat. Surely nothing c a n
already started for the 2001 Sum-
be wrong with the mother ship..?
mer Ball. Hopefully in this issue of
Discounts
the
Felix you will be able to read about very
exciting
Summer
Ball
2000.
C a n I make a big plea to everyone to come and get their Warner
Set in the surroundings of the
Brothers discount cards? You may
newly refurbished Paragon Hotel,
remember that I spent six months
this year's Ball will take place o n
organising the deal, but unfortu-
the 23rd of June, a week before the
nately there has been very little take
end of term. Tickets will be quite a
up, a n d we will never be able to
lot cheaper than last year because
convince them to g o to the hassle
there
of producing cards in future if we
coaches to look forward to. Watch
are none
of those
stuffy
don't shift them this year. So please,
out for more details of when, where
even if you never intend going to
and how to buy your tickets coming
their cinemas, come get a card.
very soon.
Remember, all that you need to Union Meetings
bring with you is a photo and your ICU card. Thanks. Holiday Fun Easter has been long for us sabbs (and for the postgrads a n d
clinical medics) - there have been
gently driving me m a d , but hope-
lots of meetings, most of which
fully
have
installed data and phone lines to all
been
of limited
interest.
they
will
Finally, the first I C U Council meeting of the term takes place at
have successfully
6 p m tonight (Tuesday 2nd May) in
Meanwhile, the engineers a n d PR the rooms in Linstead by the time
the Union Dining Hall. See you
agents from
there.
MASONIC MEDICS?
Erricson have been
you read this.
Any extension of opening hours will have to be
mounted following a minor shunt between two
achieved by re-organising shift
cars on a park road and while vigorously enforc-
patterns and
The question of whether or not the M e d i c a l
overtime. The options are also limited as the
ing their no-sparklers bylaws o n bonfire night.
School Union is to have a sabbatical president
library is refusing to open without the issue desk,
The Parks Police a p p e a r to be changing their
next year, has not, at the time of writing been
despite the fact that this service is not essential
image. In an effort to become trendier, this sum-
finalised. Kevin suspects tonight's ICU C o u n c i l
out of normal hours.
mer rollerblading police will be patrolling the
Kevin wonders if the inability of the Union to
parks. This move comes in addition to dropping
ing of the meeting o n the first day of term when
negotiate successfully in this situation, and hav-
the 'Royal' from their name when it is displayed
people will not be properly prepared or even
ing to resort to petitioning students, is a direct
may shed some light on the matter. The schedul-
on their new four wheel drive vehicles. Kevin
aware of it strikes Kevin as highly suspicious.
wonders how this will turn them into an effective
O n e of the possibilities for funding of the sab-
police force.
batical has been sponsorship from the Freemasons. Members of the M e d School Union leaving closed meetings discussing the options have vig-
M
i
s
h
ANDROIDS WANTED
orously denied that this source of funding is being pursued.
The company responsible for almost every link in the chain of failures a n d bad decisions which lead to the computer problems in the city on the
C H A N G I N G TIMES?
M
a
s
h
last day of the tax year are still desperately trying to recruit Imperial graduates.
A Mostly Harmless Column by Kevin, a random entity who knows nothing about nothing
which is apparently about four hundred people
ment with Sunday opening. By using the library
result of the tiny proportion of students support-
for the C o l l e g e . Thankfully, he is not alone in ignoring their requests to come in and attempt to
Many students would like the central library to adopt opening hours which are more in line with the way that they work. Last year Dave Hellard
Kevin knows he is not the only student to continually
get harangued
by the company,
per year below its graduate recruitment targets
managed to get the library to agree to experion Sundays students demonstrated that there
ing the Union. If this is the case then it will
was a demand for the extended hours and they
become worse next year as the Union tries to
brainwash groups of students either. O n e recent
have now become permanent. N o attempt to
operate with an even more pitiful mandate than
ill-judged scam in their attempt to lure brilliant
instigate further improvements in the opening
it has had this year.
scientists a n d engineers into
HELLO HELLO HELLARRRRGH...
hours were
required.
Furthermore,
think we are with a summer holiday starting in the first week of M a y - U C L ?
request proof, in the form of a petition, that extended
inimitable
'summer jobs' starting next week. W h o d o they
term, when discussions o n extending opening hours were started. The library's response was to
their
brand of jumped up accountancy was an offer of
hours was made by I C U until the end of last
The Royal Parks Police are responsible for the
Kevin has been told that the library has stated
safety and security of Hyde Park as well as many
To comment or contribute
that scope for improvement is limited due to the
of London's other parks. Kevin has rarely seen
http://come.to/mishmash
library not being able to employ any more staff.
them active, except for an excessive response
or email kevin@ic.ac.uk
Felix • 2 May 2000
10 Feedback
Feedback TESCO COMES OUT O N TOP
GREATER L O N D O N AUTHORITY - Y O U DECIDE
Firstly,
the percentage
of staff
whose "main function is teaching
I S S U E 1 1 7 3
and research" was a staggeringly Dear Felix readers,
Dear Felix,
low 3 9 . 2 % - it's frightening to think that we have quite that many staff
Editorial Staff Editor.
David Roberts
Deputy Editor....Marie N i c h o l a o u
O f course, many will be techni-
importance of voting in the elec-
identify the most popular shops that
cal and ancillary support staff, but
tions
for the G r e a t e r
Although
Gareth M o r g a n
Sports
G u s Paul
Music
Thorn Leggett
London
mayor
the election of the
has captured
media attention,
all of the
the role of the
could be assigned space o n the
nonetheless that must still leave us
walkway when the SCR is redevel-
with
oped. We received a total of 3 3
admin
replies with some excellent sugges-
compared to other universities in
tions.
the country. For example, Durham
The
clear
favourite
was a
a phenomenal staff -
number of
particularly
when
manages to achieve a 6 3 . 2 % score
& James Holian
twenty-five Assembly members is
Helen Clark
just as important as that of the new
supermarket type shop (Tesco was
Andy Vivian & Ben Roe
leader. W h e n Ken Livingstone gets
the
Ben Fisher
in, as he surely will, it is they who
next
Katherine Baria
will control his actions a n d keep
Chemist/boot's type of store. The
sure that the C o l l e g e ' s shadowy
John Clifford
him in line. It is they who will sit o n
third most popular option was a
senior figures will rest happy in the
Jonas Lindsay
all of the new committees that will
Computer store (this may just mean
knowledge
Vacant
control essential services and city-
that the C C S shop needs to d o a
higher than both Oxford and C a m -
wide planning in the capital. A n d it
big ad's campaign as most of these
bridge in this category, I'd hope
is they who will ultimately
responses didn't seem to know that
that the centuries old administrative
it existed)!
traditions
Film Games
involved in non-teaching roles.
who took part in the survey to help
Authority this Thursday. News
I would like to thank everyone
I'd like to take this opportunity to remind all your readers of the
Arts Books Science Photography. Diary.
Writers Rick Blaine, G a r e t h M o r g a n ,
charge
estimated
£ 3 . 3 b n budget. As you should all know - but
Holly Barnes, Jim G e a c h , Sam Beckett, J a n Evetts, Cathy
of the G L A ' s
be in
quite possibly don't, as a result of
preferred
supermarket)
favourite
option
The fourth
with
being
a
favourite
of
these
ranked
frequently-
was followed in quick succession by
being used as a model.
an opticians.
There's been a lot of talk of the
incredibly low
You may also remember that
Clark, John Clifford, Tasha
key c a m p a i g n to explain how the
for every 25 people who participat-
election will be run - every regis-
ed one would get £101 The lucky
tered Londoner (including all E U person who won the £1 0 prize was and C o m m o n w e a l t h
that we still
incomprehensible institutions aren't
the
Newton & David Roberts
Imperial, with 49.1 % of their staff in academic roles - and although I'm
option was a hairdressers and this
Selden, Atish Nazir, Helen
government's
and even LSE is 1 0% better off than
citizens) will
Michelle C o p e , the money will be
appointment
of the new Rector
recently, with many people suggesting that Imperial needs to be run by a
revered
academic,
not some
high-flying C E O . However, in light
Reviewers
have the chance to vote for both
winging it's way to her very soon.
of these numbers, let's hope that
Drew, Helen, Katherine,
constituency and party candidates.
Thanks again to everyone who took
the
G a r e t h , James, Christian,
The fourteen local Assembly M e m -
part,
Will, Kunal, Valmik, Minder,
bers will be elected o n a first-past-
immensely
D a n , John & Ben
the-post system, with votes cast in
passed o n to the estates division.
the second ballot used to elect a further eleven
Photographers Gareth, Jonas & Dave
create
your
ideas useful
have
been
a n d will be
a n overall
position
that
Consort Rd, London, S W 7 2 B B
more than 5 % of the total vote will
Internal tel: 5 8 0 7 2
get a least o n e member into the
External tel & fax:
G L A - so it's really important that
0171 594 8 0 7 2
you chose carefully which party to
URL: www.su.ic.ac.uk/Felix E-mail: feiix@ic.ac.uk
vote
for on each of the ballot You c a n find out lots
Felix is produced for and o n
(including
which
electoral
more district
behalf of Imperial C o l l e g e
your home falls into a n d which
of our
seems to be what this
definitely
ICU DP(C&S)
College needs if it is truly to compete in the twenty-first century. In hope,
WALL T O WALL MANAGEMENT?
Julie Potter
Dear Felix,
A N D FINALLY... Having just seen the latest set of Times League Tables, I have to
papers.
new head, because some moderni-
Tim Trailor
parties. The most important aspect of this is that any party that gets
firm does
indeed turn out to be Imperial's
staffing and management structure
votes cast for each of the principal Felix, The Portacabins, Prince
leader of a
pharmaceutical
sation a n d rationalisation
Yours truly,
representatives to
roughly mirrors the proportion of
much-suggested
certain
Dear Dave,
begin to wonder about the way in which this College is run.
What the hell was all that G o a t
It is a credit to Imperial that we
Power stuff about last term? It made
Union M e d i a G r o u p and is
candidates are running in that con-
have the best student-staff ratio in
absolutely no sense at all - surely
printed at M C P Litho Limited,
stituency) o n the official G L A web-
the land (although
everyone knows that the real future
Units B2 & B 3 , Hatton Square,
site, www.london.gov.uk.
16 - 16a Baldwins G a r d e n s ,
Thanks for listening,
graduate
as an under-
that statistic
frequently
seems somewhat questionable), but
for Britain's power needs is glow in the dark sheep...
one other figure which was quoted
London E C I N 7RJ Tom Harris
in the table severely worried me.
Mrs Trellis
Felix is a registered newspaper: ISSN 1 0 4 0 - 071 1 Copyright © Felix 2 0 0 0 .
The d e a d l i n e for letters intended for publication is W e d n e s d a y 12 n o o n - d r o p into the portacabins o r e m a i l f e l i x @ i c . a c . u k . Letters may be edited f o r length but not g r a m m a r o r spelling.
2 May 2000 • Felix
Feedback
11
Assistant Warden Vacancies
INTERNET? SCHMINTERNET
individual
emotions
become
The College invites applications for Assistant Warden positions at Beit Hall and Wilson House.
impossible to distinguish... O r at So, whilst you've all been away
least it would be if this were all
busily revising, what have I been
one
big episode
of
Dawson's
doing with myself? Well, tempting
Creek. This being Imperial, what
as it is to say bugger all, that's not
we actually get is lots of exams,
quite the case (although I have to
lots of coursework a n d precious
admit that I really don't feel like
little time off to realise that the sun
I'm
is shining, we're young, free and
doing
enough to earn my
salary right now). As you may have
(mostly) single, a n d we're based
the a d o n page
smack-bang in the middle of Lon-
noticed
from
seven, Felix has finally made it's way onto the internet. G o o d the
don; panicking
you have any decent suggestions
(unless you're in Biochem or Biol-
for improvement (or if you spot
ogy, and are o n a completely dif-
any bits that don't work) please
ferent timescale to the rest of us),
email them to me at the usual
with a big stack of exams coming
like crazy right now
address. Just try to be reasonably
up in the next few weeks (or, worse
kind, because I'm trying to learn
still, days), Just remember that (a)
HTML as I g o at the moment, and
you're at one of the best universi-
understanding
could
ties in Europe, which means that
undoubtedly be described as a big
you're definitely not as stupid as
pair of emperor^size pants. Any-
you think you are; (b) your exams
way, if you're feeling kind, tap in
are being set by your lecturers,
www.su.ic.ac.uk/felix a n d have a
who aren't going to look too g o o d
look.
if you all fail and will want you to
O n a n unrelated note, you've
pass; and (c) if you've done some
probably read copious amounts
work in the last six months, you'll
about the meltdown
in internet
stocks over the holidays. Personally, I find the fact that zMicrosoft
have to try very hard to actually fail the year. Finally, I think this is where I'm
has lost half it's value since Christ-
supposed
mas, 7 0 % has been wiped off last-
words of advice from the point of
to offer
some
sage
minute.com since launch a n d Bill
view of someone who's
Gates is no longer the world's
there, done that, got the certifi-
richest man is hilarious. After a l l ,
cate", but as I ended up with a
"been
none of this will effect the financial
2 : 2 , I don't imagine that you'll
status of the world (the fact that
take much notice of my suggesting
the FTSE and NYSE indexes didn't
that you don't take any of this too
go into freefall admirably proved
seriously.
that), but it has given the " N e w undoubtedly
Nonetheless, worth
it's
remembering
Economy" a much needed kick in
that there is more to life than a
the backside that may finally per-
degree result, a n d that life isn't
suade them to play by some nor-
going to come and swallow you
mal financial rules (like profitabili-
up if you don't get 90%. Sure, we
ty). Then a g a i n , pigs might fly.
were all used to getting
bucket
loads of ' A s back at school, but we can't all be top of the class at
TAKING IT EASY..
university. S o , d o your best, have a bit of fun along the way and get a
And so we reach the final term.
result that you're happy with.
With just nine weeks to g o , it's time
for heartbreak,
hard work
joy, relief,
a n d exasperation to
My g o d , I really am beginning to sound like a parent. Help...
sweep incessantly over us, overlapping
a n d interweaving
until
The post is open to all Academic and Clinical staff and full-time Research Students, and requires the Assistant Warden to live on site in a rent-free furnished flat.
I expect that most of you are
site undoubtedly isn't, and if any of
my current
Assistant Wardens should have the same organisational and caring qualities as a Warden but not necessarily the same experience.
Dave
All complaints should be addressed to the Editor. If no satisfactory reply is received, contact I C U Exec via the Union President
Further information and an application form can be obtained from The Postgraduate Office in Electrical Engineering by phoning Clare or Anne on 020 7594 6195 (internal: 46195) or by sending an email to a.hough@ic.ac.uk. Closing date for applications: Wednesday 10th May 2000.
5 0) &Mkw f a b
Unifta s s r v t o f i r
xยงu
Reviews 13
2 May 2000 • Felix
REVI
W S F r e q u e n c y music.felix@ic.ac.uk Bedrock @ Heaven Calexico - Ballad of C a b l e H a g u e C u b a n Boys - Inertia Kicks Death In Vegas @ The Forum Fridays @ Notting Hill Arts Funkstar De Luxe vs. Terry M a x Hanson - If O n l y Keith C a p u t o - Died Laughing Les Rhythmes Digitales - Live In Belgium Merz - Lotus Methods of Mayhem - Methods of Mayhem M J C o l e - Crazy Love Toni Braxton - He Wasn't M a n Enough Utah Saints • Funky Music
Screen
film.felix@ic.ac.uk
Any G i v e n Sunday Erin Brockovich G r e e n Mile (ICU Cinema) Sunshine Scream 3 Toy Story 2 (ICU Cinema) Plus a n interview with A l Pacino a n d your chance to win tickets to Scream 3 or take home The X Files or The 10th Kingdom on video.
Games
games.felix@ic.ac.uk
Hydro Thunder (Dreamcast) Tokyo Highway Challeng e (Dreamcast)
My mum's special Easter quadruple chocolate
Books
books.felix@ic.ac.uk
layer cake with mint-eggs on top. Helen's Literary Events Batfenberg - sponge, marzipan and a nasty two
Hero In The Shadows
tone effect come together perfectly.
Idiot's G u i d e to Creating a Web Page
You can't g o wrong with a Victoria Sponge.
While I'm Dead...Feed The D o g
Ink
Kendal Mint C a k e . Not really a cake. Damn.
Method
arts.felix@ic.ac.uk
It's big. It's heavy. It's indigestible. It's fruit cake. • • • • •
Felix's arts pages return next week, with all the
Buried three feet deep in icing and drowned in
latest on this term's major plays, exhibitions,
alcohol, who really likes Christmas C a k e ?
shows and gallery openings.
Felix • 2 May 2000
Music
f r e q u e n c y
...And I begin as I should have left off by saying sorry for being a bit rubbish at times last term. For various reasons, I wasn't able to put much time into these pages last term
a n d although
A
>
Les Rhythmes Digitales Live In Belgium (Wall of Sound)
Methods of Mayhem Methods of Mayhem (MCA)
music
never missed an issue, we sure
You know, I'm sure Tommy Lee's everyone's hero. O r he
Like
were a lot less organised than we
w o u l d be if he weren't a wife-beating dick. I'm afraid that his
this does exactly what it says o n the tin. A
Ronseal's quick-drying
woodstain,
should have been. So sorry. I also
attitude a n d mentality has transferred straight to C D .
Les Rythmes Digitales g i g . In Belgium . Basically.
thought about apologising for the drivel that often appears in this
"Jumping o n the b a n d w a g o n " is the phrase that pays for
column. Then, all of s u d d e n , I
M e t h o d s O f M a y h e m . Following the recent slew of hiphop
So you get eight s o n g s , which are all (as
changed my mind. I d e c i d e d that
metal fusion bands like K o r n , Deftones, Slipknot et a l , it was
far as I know)
from
these were worthy of the space
only a matter of time before a member of a flagging band
dancer'
interspersed with some
that we give them, a n d although
from the c o c k - r o c k era d e c i d e d his bank b a l a n c e neede d a
W a l l o o n - y w h o o p i n g . Whether you like it
it's not always about music, it's
boost. It's all loud guitars, p o u n d i n g beats a n d a little t o o
all depends on whether you dig songwriter
not as totally irrelevant as I once
much swearing. Hey, swearing's c o o l , we all know that, but
Jacques Lu C o n t ' s singular vision of what
thought.
too much makes it seem Tommy Lee and crew (note the cor-
music should resemble right now.
... frequency... here comes the sun
album,
the recent
'Dark-
rect spelling, Mr. Lee) have only just learned how to. It doesn't make you h a r d , it makes you puerile.
On
paper, LRD seem to be the shittest
band in the world . This lot are obsessed The subject matter is a bit dodgy too: sex a n d violence - those
with the Eighties at a time when
staples of rock a n d hiphop - get too much attention. "But
bands are either looking to the Sixties or
So now I feel I must say a few
surely Tommy Lee's a r e d - b l o o d e d male a n d all he thinks
the future.
words about music. The summer
about are sex and v i o l e n c e " you may shout. Then he should
unfashionable of d e c a d e s means that the
is usually an excellent time for the
stick to releasing singles, few and infrequent. It gets boring
unashamedly
release of new music. Indeed it is
after a few minutes.
songs
often music that defines the summer
of a given
year.
The influence
of that
manufactured
a r e built
most most
sounding
o u t of tinny
drum-
m a c h i n e s , synthesizers, robotic vocals and
W e all
A n d what's with all these c o l l a b o r a t i o n s ? Lee and TiLo make
(if you've ever seen a picture of them) an
remember Whigfied's awful Sat-
the b a c k b o n e of M O M but they don't seem to have the stam-
atrocious dress sense.
urday Night and the dance moves
ina f o r a whole a l b u m . They've had to get their mates in to
that went
shore them up, from Kid Rock to S n o o p D o g g . S o m e make a
In
worthwhile
Sometimes even a c e . W h i c h is surprising,
a l o n g with it. Jason
Nevin's mix of Run D M C ' s It's Like
That was also a summer
contribution
while others muddy up an already
less than crystal clear mix.
reality
though,
it's all rather
good.
because it veers close to being unbeliev-
song that seemed to play wherev-
ably cheesy almost all the time, yet still
er I went. This leads me to think:
I guess if you're a regular reader of Metal H a m m e r then you'd
W h o will be producing the song
be pretty pleased with M e t h o d s O f M a y h e m , its chuggin g riffs
riff in 'Jacques Your B o d y ' is worth the
of this summer?
a n d relentless thumping drums would be right up your street.
asking price a l o n e , a n d the brilliant bouncy basslines, provided by J a c q u e s himself,
I suppose it's
retains its credibility. The squealing synth
going to have to be a garage
But most of us like a little variation within our music a n d
tune with the way music has been
there's only a couple of tracks here that even hint at a light at
provide a g o o d solid base. But if you've
going recently, which brings me
the end of that particular tunnel. New Skin has a White Z o m -
got the a l b u m already, why would you
bie / Zombie
want to purchase this? Apart from the
to
the new M J C o l e
album.
feel to it with a fairly mellow, tuneful chorus and
Reviewed in Felix this week, his
C r a s h is decent industrial metal in the Fear Factory m o u l d . It's
sound of the enthusiastic crowd and some
new single is a cracker and if this
not e n o u g h t h o u g h . M e t h o d s O f M a y h e m is a thoroughly
cheekily thrown in riffs from hits from the
is anything to g o by expect a few
crap a l b u m . It's offensive, childish, embarrassing a n d a n
Eighties, there's nothing much new. O n e
more super tracks from him over
exercise in how not to be taken seriously.
for the completist only.
the summer. M y advice to you is to keep listening hard.
Christian
Kunal
2 May 2000 • Felix
Music
f r e q u e n c y
Keith Caputo Died Laughing (Roadrunner)
N
/
\
Death In Vegas @ The Forum, Kentish Town After bringing the house down a n d earning rave reviews (inducing on these pages) after their autumn gig at the Shepherd's Bush Empire,
Roadrunner Records, home to scary metal acts such as Slipknot, C o a l
Death in Vegas' visit to the Forum was hugely anticipated. In the inter-
C h a m b e r and Keith C a p u t o . Except Keith C a p u t o is neither scary, nor
im, their latest a l b u m , The Contino
metal and seems a bit out of place o n Roadrunner's artists list. For those
success. Testament to their acceptance into the mainstream is the fact
of you who d o not know, he was the front man for popular metal act Life
that a single - Aisfia - has been used in that bastion of the middle-of-
of Agony for ten years. D i e d Laughing,
the-road, the background music for a TV advert. Yet the music hasn't in
however, is somewhat different
and may disappoint L O A fans. This a l b u m is more laid back. The anger
Sessions, has enjoyed considerable
any way become more ordinary: in fact, very little has c h a n g e d .
has gone and been replaced with gentler, more reflective songs. G e n e r a l exposure to the music meant that the crowd was more familiar The opening track, Honeycomb
wouldn't seem out of place o n a Feed-
with the band's material, which noticeably improved the atmosphere at
er a l b u m , being a distorted-guitar pop-rock song with a chorus that you
the Forum. However, there were few other improvements since that gig
can sing a l o n g to. The next few tracks are somewhat more relaxed, using
a few months a g o . The deep reggae DJ's were the s a m e ; the crazy film
the traditional combination of clean guitars and strings to create typical
projections were the s a m e ; in fact, DiV played basically the same set.
soft rock melodies. Although these songs are well written, they don't
The order was perhaps varied, but the tunes all came from the last
stand out and c o u l d quite easily serve the purpose of background music.
album . O f course, this pleased the crowd just as much second time
Just about anyone c a n guess w h o m the song Cobain
around.
(Rainbow
Dead-
head) is about. O n e of the more notable songs o n the a l b u m , it c o m bines jazzy verses with louder, heavier choruses based around the refrain ' C o b a i n was murdered by y o u ' .
But for those of us who saw the first performance, this latest one was ultimately disappointing, since none of the guest vocalists from the album joined the band o n stage. Deprived of the distraction of a singer,
Just Be is another catchy number which could quite easily be the theme
the audience often was left wondering exactly what the blokes hidden
tune to a children's television show. A spiky but friendly piano a n d
behind big boxes of electronics were actually d o i n g . The confusion was
descending bass-line are a c c o m p a n i e d by melodic vocals, but lyrics like
exacerbated during the vocal tracks when we could hear singing,
"numbskull, you are h a e m o r r h a g i n g " clearly separate the anguish of a
despite the fact that there was plainly no vocalist anywhere near a
tortured rock star from The Raggy Dolls. The album ends o n the ballad
microphone. It generated a strange distortion of o u r concept of reality,
Brandy Duval, about his mother who died of a heroin overdose when
and left us asking ourselves what was really being performed and what
Keith was only one year o l d . A g a i n , orchestral instruments are used here
was coming off DAT.
to build the song into a fitting tribute. N o Bobbie Gillespe this time, not even Dot Allison a n d definitely no O n e thing that I have always noticed about Keith C a p u t o is that he's got
Iggy Pop. In November, I counted 17 people o n stage at one point:
a g o o d voice. It worked well in Life of Agony, a n d it works just as well
DiV's stage presence was certainly diminished (and not just numerical-
on his solo work. This a l b u m contains songs that you'd probably expect
ly) by this, although the enthusiasm of the crowd reinstated some ener-
to hear from s o m e o n e like Paul Young (don't let that put you off), rather
gy to the proceedings. To be fair, the band did still m a n a g e to rock the
than somebody w h o o n c e fronted a heavy metal b a n d . It's g o o d for
joint. The music was as twisty as ever, with their trippy jams working the
chilling out to after a n energetic night out, although there are better
crowd into a frenzy on several occasions. They c o m m a n d your attention
albums for this purpose. Sadly, although D i e d Laughing
is suited for a
like any top act, and the question about what constitutes 'live' electronic
wide a u d i e n c e , most peopl e who might like it will probably never get a
music could be asked of many bands. Still, the gig left Felix with spec-
chance to hear it.
ulating as to what could have b e e n . . . . Minder
Valmik
The Felix Music Team is ALWAYS looking for more writers, so if you're interested in contributing, we interested in having you. Just come into the office on Tuesday or Friday lunchtimes and ask for Thom or James. Failing that drop us an email at music.felix@ic.ac.uk.
See you soon!
Music
Felix • 2 May 2000
f r e q u e n c y Toni Braxton
MJ Cole
Hanson
He Wasn't Man Enough
Crazy Love
If Only
(Arista)
(Talkin' Loud)
(Mercury)
Lotus
With the quality of r'n'b tunes rising
I think if you told me a year a g o that
How can you not laugh at
(Epic)
all the time, it's getting harder and
I'd be looking forward to the release
Hanson?
harder
much
of a garage album, I would have told
look at them. I suppose
The music of Merz is
desired radio playlists. However, this
you that you were insane. Anyway, for
they do what they do
unique, and there are
latest offering from Toni Braxton has
some
garage has
quite well, but it's not
plenty of fans out there
had no trouble elbowing the compe-
really grown on me recently and the
really music to fulfil the
who adore their tones.
tition out of the way. She may have
music of M J C o l e is no exception.
body or mind. There is,
However, the allure has
been away for four years, but there's
Crazy Love is an excellent single from
however, a lot of comedy
never quite managed to
been no loss of talent and with any
the top end of the garage spectrum
associated with the Han-
luck her forthcoming album should
and I'll be first in the queue when the
son boys, and as one of
contain a few more gems.
album drops in a few weeks time.
the C D s comes with a
Men
capture nice
me. Lotus is
enough,
but it's
to get onto
those
strange
reason
free poster this could be
nothing to get excited about. M a y b e I'm missing
something,
worth buying for some-
ID
thing new to stick of your
but
dartboard.
probably not.
Calexico
Cuban Boys
Ballad of Cable Hogue
Inertia Kicks
(City Slang)
(EMI) I don't understand the
Funkstar De Luxe vs. Terry Max
Utah Saints
can't beat a good bal-
Walkin' In The Name
Funky Music
motivation behind these
lad.
(Edel)
(Echo)
Cuban
Sometimes,
you
just
Stan
Ridgeway's
Camoflague
was a firm
The
Boys
chorus
singles. is a self
favourite of mine when I
Funkstar De Luxe was the guy who
Song titles should in general give an
defacing
was younger. This single
brought us the undeniably excellent
impression of what a song is about
"we're just a bunch of
chant
of
is in the country a n d
remix of Bob Marley's Sun is Shin-
or what it sounds like. The Utah
losers" (which makes a
western style, with all the
ing.
In The N a m e is not
Saints classic that we all know and
change from hamsters),
Walkin'
usual touches, a n d , as quite up to the same standard, but makes a nice that's not say that this should be change from the rest of avoided. The beat keeps your head
Good
but the construction is
Funky
so basic and obvious
Music, their latest comeback single
that after just a few lis-
this weeks singles. I sup-
bouncing and the lyrics are easy
is neither funky nor is it particularly
tens
pose
enough to pick up, so don't be sur-
musical. So I suggest a trip to a
want more. I think I pre-
could put a lot of peo-
prised
vocabulary school (or better still a
ferred the hamsters.
ple off, but this is definit-
aloud in the forrthcoming weeks.
such,
the C & W style
ley worth checking.
I mean, just
if you're
singing
this out
love was called Something and
good
it was indeed.
I'm
bored
and
retirement home) is about due for these self claimed Saints.
...Singles reviews by Felix...
2 May 2000 • Felix
Music
f r e q u e n c y
*
/
\
Bedrock Bedrock Fridays @ Netting Hill Arts Club
Bedrock @ Heaven
Recommended Clubbing
Well, well, well. It's all over: lectures, the
As the house prices show, South Kensington is a highly
This clubbing c o l u m n has been missing
project, the term, everything. I suppose
desirable place to live. However, although the architec-
for t o o long. N o w it's back, I suggest
that there's a few exams, but we can deal
ture is nice e n o u g h , it's not really what I'd call the perfect
you take your pick a n d a break from
with that. So we've a five week Easter h o l -
place for students to call home. From Prince's G a r d e n s
revision. After a l l , d a n c i n g is an excel-
iday - time for some fun methinks. A n d , as
it's quite a long walk to the nearest twenty-four
lent remedy to many problems.
if G o d has heard my calls, there are two
s h o p , a n d w h o knows how far to the nearest late night
Bedrock
drinking a n d d a n c i n g dens. It was f o r this reason that I
Tuesday 2rd May
couldn't wait to move away from the embassies a n d the
Stoned Asia @ Dogstar; FREE!
museums and toward a place with a little more spice. M y
The Dogstar is a n excellent venue for
flat for the last three years now has been located in
some midweek b o o g i e - i n g a n d as this
nights
at heaven over Easter.
W icke d and W i l d ! Night
o n e is a birthday
special,
with
the k e b a b
shops
a n d tourist
hour
Danny Tenaglia a n d D e e p Dish joining the
amongst
shops
of
residents to provide the kind of music
Q u e e n s w a y , a n d although it's not exactly in club central
than this if you have a night off.
night is free, you c o u l d a lot worse
clubs were built for. The night kicks off
Farringdon or the West-End, it is located within just a
Thursday 4th May
well with the other rooms in the venue
couple of minutes of quite a few funky night-spots. Per-
Bedrock @ Heaven; £ 8
providing a nice warm up to the w o n d e r in
haps the most notable of these is the Notting Hill Arts
Pete Tong joins M r Digweed a n d M r
the main r o o m . Then we move to the main
C l u b , a n d Felix m a n a g e d to spend a few hours there
Howells for Felix's favourite
room to finish off with the a b o v e men-
during the holidays to find out what's what.
this month.
tioned DJs. The night is g o o d e n o u g h , but
clubnight
Bedrock comes with the
highest r e c o m m e n d a t i o n possible a n d
the evening ends suddenly a n d we feel as
First things first, you don't get student discount o n entry
I don't think that there's a better club
if we've missed something.
on a Friday, so it's six of your finest pounds to gain
night in the country. It's just a shame
a d m i s s i o n . The drinks inside aren't particularly
Sasha can't play every week.
cheap
Two weeks later a n d we're back a g a i n .
(three pounds a bottle), but there is quite a g o o d selec-
Friday 5th May
O n l y this time we know we're not g o i n g to
tion if your wallet's up for a p o u n d i n g . There's even
Gallery @ Turnmills; £ 8
leave d i s a p p o i n t e d . This time it's M a u n d y
Absinthe o n the menu for those who are tempted by
Last week was the fifth birthday party of
Thursday, so the next d a y is a bank holi-
these things, a n d this c a n seem like a n excellent idea
this excellent clubnight. I c a n imagine
day a n d the crowd will be up for a big
after a few beers. For those of drug orientated nature,
this still g o i n g strong after another five.
one. W h a t ' s more Sasha is a p p e a r i n g as
note that this is probably not the place for madness,
Move @ Ministry; £ 8
a guest (for the unitiated or those that
rather one for those looking for a quieter night out or try-
The Ministry has h a d a lot to put up
ignore the club scene, clubbers feel the
ing to be a bit t o o c o o l . W h i c h brings me to my main
with this year with the emergence of
same way about S a s h a as fanatical foot-
gripe about this p l a c e . A lot of the peopl e at the venue
clubs such as home a n d Fabric. H o w -
ball fans feel about their team). As a
don't seem to be having a g o o d time and are just at this
ever, it still
result, the queue is round the corner when
venue trying to be out with the in crowd. However, all this
should definitely not be a v o i d e d
we arrive a n d it looks like it's g o i n g to
can be happily ignored as the music gets you g o i n g . Fur-
Sunday 7th May
take well over an hour to negotiate it. S o
thermore, you c a n also have a great time
Metalheadz @ Dingwalls; £ 6
we d o what all. g o o d student
those trying to be c o o l a n d seeing the fashion victims
journalists
d o : we blag o u r way in at the front a n d
observing
b o o g i e o n the d a n c e floor.
are o n the d a n c e f l o o r in ten minutes flat.
try. M a k e sure you try this at least once. So I suppose what I'm saying is that this is not your aver-
and the crowd moves like only a H e a v e n
a g e d a n c e club. It is, however, a n excellent place to hear
crowd c a n . Three o ' c l o c k comes a n d we
some brilliant
you there? Dan
Still going strong, this is probably still the best drum'n'bass club in the c o u n -
The music was better than we c o u l d hope
swear we'll be back for the next one. See
has much to offer a n d
music a n d , although there is probably
To have your club added to this list just invite us along, we'll check it out and if
more than your average sprinkling of weirdoes inside,
we like it we'll put it down
this should definitely not put you off.
e-mail: John
music.felix@ic.ac.uk
phone: 020 7594 8072 ask for Thorn
18 Films
I
Felix • 2 May 2000
I
s
c
r
e
e
n
Erin Brockovich
Sunshine Any film with Ralph Fiennes c a n be guaranteed not to be full of belly-
Based on a true story, Erin Brockovich is the latest film to star Julia Roberts
laughing humour or infantile silliness. In fact, even a film with the title Sun-
of Notting Hill fame. D o not make the mistake of dismissing this as anoth-
shine, of course, because it stars Ralph Fiennes, will have nothing to d o
er movie where she plays a doey eyed female who eventually falls in love
with happiness or nice things but will be about d o o m , gloom and despair.
with the first attractive bloke she stumbles across. This is not that type of
This film is an epic in terms of both length (three hours) and content, which
film.
without doubt is firmly o n the serious side of serious. Instead, Julia Roberts plays Erin Brockovich, a single mother of three who However, this does not mean it is a bad film and it is not by any stretch of
has led a hard life, knows it herself and doesn't mind letting other people
the imagination. It follows the trials and tribulations of the Sonnenschein
know it. O n e day, she is involved in a car accident in which she is badly
family over one hundred and fifty years up to the present day. Set in direc-
injured. Unfortunately, Ed Masry, the lawyer hired to present her case in
tor Istvan Szabo's native Hungary, we follow three generations of a Jewish
court does not succeed a n d she is left in debt d u e to all the medical
family, as they struggle to keep themselves as one against a backdrop of
expenses she incurred because of the accident. Determined to work, Erin
political turmoil a n d two World Wars. The story begins with Emmanuel,
hassles Ed Masry (Albert Finney) who failed her in court, to give her a job.
who using his inheritance of a recipe book for a liquor called 'Sunshine'
He does his best not to give in but eventually has no choice, as Erin is one
transforms his family from local peasant to wealthy businessman. His son,
determined bitch. Whilst in his employment she stumbles across some files
Ignatz builds on his father's respectability by becoming a high court judge.
that don't make sense to her and convinces Ed into letting her investigate
However, much to his families' horror, he is having a secret affair with his
them. This she does extremely well and unearths a conspiracy. The rest of
'sister', Valerie. However, she is actually his first cousin, but treated as his
the story is about how Erin and Ed deal with the conspiracy .
sibling after her father, Emmanuel's brother died. They have two sons, one of whom, A d a m , becomes an O l y m p i c fencer. H e , himself has two chil-
Although not a romantic comedy, this film could be classed as one. It has
dren, cheats o n his wife, before like most of them, succumbing to the hor-
all the makings of a romance but without all that slushy stuff that makes
rors of the Holocaust. His only son to survive, Ivan scared by seeing his
guys g o ' u r g h l ' and it is also extremely amusing at times. The funniest bits
father executed, seeks revenge by political motives in the Communist
are the references by Erin to her breasts, especially when she is trying to
movement. Before long the hypocrisy of the Communists dawns o n him
get herself heard by people who wouldn't normally listen to some-one like
and so he campaigns for democracy, a realisation that after years of
her. This she does quite a lot and has the desired effect. Apparently the
struggle, finally happens.
enhanced cleavage is all down to a special gel padded bra not a boob job, but I'm not convinced.
The greatest twist in the film is not the intricacy of the plot, but the fact that Ralph Fiennes plays Ignatz, A d a m and Ivan during the film, reincarnating
The director, Steven Soderbergh, allows his classic trademarks to shine
himself as the son when his father dies. Each time he also sports a differ-
through in this work. Soderbergh casts an excellent leading pair in Julia
ent kind of facial hair, a poor disguise I think you'll agree, that fails to mas-
Roberts and Ed Finney just as he did with Jennifer Lopez a n d G e o r g e
querade the fact that it actually still is Ralph Fiennes. Apart from this stunt,
Clooney in O u t of Sight. Admittedly, there is no sexual chemistry between
however, the film is excellent in most respects. Fiennes is supported by a
the pair as Finney's character is old enough to easily be Roberts father, but
superb cast, especially Jennifer Ehle a n d Rosemary Harris as the young
they d o share a screen chemistry that works like a dream. M a k i n g a
and old Valerie. William Hurt makes an appearance, as does Rachel
cameo is the real Erin Brockovich as a waitress in a restaurant that the
Weisz (last seen screaming incessantly at a computer generated mummy).
character Erin takes her children to for a treat. Try not to blink at that point or you will miss her. Soderbergh's cinematography is similar to that of his
Tackling a difficult subject, this film depicts very well how, over one hun-
previous movies and that too works well without distracting from the sto-
dred and fifty years, Hungarians have been screwed (for want of a better
ryline.
word) by years of unsuccessful political naivety and experimentation. Will this film attract the avid Imperial student, whose idea of a g o o d time is
If you are a fan of Julia Roberts (or just interested in her new blossoming
alone in a dark room with a box of Kleenex and a DVD of The Matrix'? N o ,
cleavage) this film is a must see. It has so much feel g o o d factor and just
of course not. This film is extremely heavy going, which people will find
goes to show that you can d o absolutely anything you want if you want it
rewarding only if they put in the effort to make it rewarding.
enough. Drew
Helen
2 May 2000 Âť Felix
Films 19
\Z3
s c r e e n
/CU C I N E M A Scream 3 Scream
3 is the third a n d final part in the
Out On Video
What's On At ICU Cinema
The X-Files: Closure
Toy Story 2
Scream trilogy a n d in my opinion it is better
Closure
is a previously unseen (on both Sky
This is the sequel to the amazing Toy Story. All the
than the second and just as g o o d as the first.
and B B C ) , feature length episode of the X-Files
old characters are back, and the same actors as
The characters who m a n a g e d to make it to the
which marks the end of the mythology
sur-
in the original Toy Story d o all their voices. The
end of the last one have been re-united for the
rounding M u l d e r ' s sister Samantha. For those
new characters are from "Woody's Roundup", a
very last time.
of you who are regular followers of the X-Files,
TV show in which Woody (the cowboy) starred
you will know all about the hype surrounding
during the 1 950s. In it, his sidekick was the cow-
The story takes place o n the set of 'Stab 3 ' in
Samantha's
episode
girl Jessie (voiced by Joan Cusack), while his
Hollywood - a film about Scream 2. Everyone
apparently solves this issue but not to a very
horse was called Bullseye. Kelsey G r a m m a r voic-
is now a little older but not wiser, as people are
satisfactory conclusion. At least not one suited
es the final character, The Prospector, a kindly
still dropping like flies. W h e n there are deaths
to a college full of scientists.
old fellow who is not all that he seems. The story
joins up with the others including G a l e Weath-
Fox M u l d e r (David Duchovny) and D a n a Scul-
kidnaps Woody so that he can make his collec-
ers (Courteney Cox) a n d Dewey Riley (David
ly (Gillian Anderson) join forces with a police
tion of toys from "Woody's Roundup" complete,
Arquette).
psychic to help solve the mysterious disap-
in order to sell them to a museum for lots of
pearance of a young girl. This brings
back
money. O f course, this leaves Buzz Lightyear and
disappearance.
This
revolves around a malevolent toy collector, who
on the set, Sydney Prescott (Neve Campbell)
Eventually, after
and thrills,
the killer
lots of suspense
a n d the motives are
revealed. It's not a predictable ending. Instead
strong emotions in M u l d e r which are connect-
co to go and rescue Woody, while fighting a new
it's quite sad a n d o n e classic of the director,
ed to his sister. As the story goes o n , more
enemy, Zurg. This film is definitely worth watch-
Wes C r a v e n .
information is found out about M u l d e r ' s sister.
ing so get down to the cinema.
As would be expected, all the usual characters There was a lot of secrecy on the set of Scream
are involved including C a n c e r M a n and Assis-
The Green Mile
3 a n d not even the cast knew who the killer
tant Director Skinner.
This film is made by the same people that did
would be. This wasn't just Wes C r a v e n being
The Shawshank Redemption, and also it is based
his normal self but to stop a repeat perform-
Closure
has the same formula as any regular
on a Stephen King short story. The story is very
ance of when some of the script from Scream
episode of The X-files. It's nothing special but
different in nature and, as only Stephen King is
2 a p p e a r e d on the internet before the scene
if you are a huge fan, this episode will intrigue
able to d o , he conjures something
was even shot. This movie provides a satisfac-
you a n d answer some of those long standing
intricate up out of the blue, and you have no
tory end to the trilogy a n d it's a g o o d thing
questions.
3/5
that Wes C r a v e n has decided to stop making Scream films before it got like Nightmare
incredibly
idea how, when and where it is going to finish. The story is set around a prison death row in 1 930's Louisiana. Tom Hanks plays Paul Edge-
On
comb , the head guard who oversees and ulti-
Elm Street.
X-Files Competition ous Scream's to enjoy this movie. It does help you to follow the story, but is not essential.
mately leads the prisoners to their punishment which is death by the electric chair. Everything
You don't need to have seen any of the previThanks to Twentieth Century Fox, Screen has
seems pretty normal,
three X-Files: Closure videos. It has been out to
named John Coffey, convicted of the gruesome
until a black
prisoner
There is plenty to laugh a n d jump at in this
buy since 2 4 April but if you've put off buying it
murder of a pair of young girls, arrives. Then, all
movie. If you are a squeamish type, remember
due to lack of funds, answer the following ques-
of a sudden, you are whisked from normality,
to take, s o m e o n e with you to hold your hand
tion and you could get your hands on a copy
and fill you in o n the bits of story you will miss
free of charge.
plot twist, I think you'll agree, and one that leaves
due to hiding behind your h a n d . What is the number of Agent Fox Mulder's Watch this space next week for an interview
apartment? E-mail the answer to film.felix@ic.ac.uk before
Neve C a m p b e l l .
1 2pm on Friday and it could be you who owns Hele
him
understandably
shocked. What
ensues,
however, is a captivating tale that combines stark reality with fantasy, surrounding a simple giant
with director, Wes C r a v e n a n d leading lady,
ID
when the prisoner holds Edgecomb's meat and two veg and performs a small miracle. A strange
an exclusive copy of X-Files : Closure.
whose special ability makes him frightened of the world around him. Be warned though, this film is three hours long!
20 Films
I
Felix « 2 May 2000
I
s
c
r
e
e
n
Odeon Kensington Competition
Any Given Sunday
Scream 3 has now o p e n e d nationwide a n d is definitely going to be a
Set in the world of American football, Any Given Sunday is the work of the
massive blockbuster. To celebrate its opening Screen have five pairs of
masterful Oliver Stone. He takes a look at the professional sports world from
tickets courtesy of the kind people at the O d e o n Kensington to give
a completely different perspective. It is the first time that Oliver Stone and Al
away. Tired of studying for all those exams? G e t your brain in gear to
Pacino have actually worked together on the big screen.
answer the following question a n d you might earn yourself a night away from the books. This week's question is simple so you have no excuse
Tony D'Amato (Al Pacino) is the coach of Miami Sharks, a once glorious and
for not entering.
magnificent team. N o w they are battling for survival after three consecutive losses, sliding attendance and aging heroes. O n e such aging hero is the 39-
Who connects Scream 3 to / Know What You Did Last Summer?
year-old quarterback, Jack ' C a p ' Rooney (Dennis Quaid) who clings to his
E-mail the the correct answer to film.felix@ic.ac.uk before 12pm on Fri-
tive quarterback Willie Beamen (Jamie Foxx) when C a p is benched due to
team as if he is trying to cling to his youth. He is replaced by the young, invenday and keep your fingers crossed.
injury. From there on there is a wrangle between coach and the new young star. The coach struggles to update his methods and the star refuses to con-
All winners of previous competitions have been e-mailed so g o a n d
form. Eventually, it all works out but there is much macho-ness first.
check yours to see if you've w o n . Stone is not one to be shy of tackling tricky subjects. He has produced masterpieces such as Platoon and JFK, both of which take a look at difficult sub-
10th Kingdom Competition
jects and then presents them in a thought provoking way. Any Given Sunday doesn't do this. The story is predictable and is a tale about nothing less than
Wth Kingdom
is the a new d r a m a being shown o n Sky as we speak a n d
Screen has been lucky e n o u g h to get o u r hands o n some competition copies of 10th Kingdom
courtesy of Warner Vision. All you have to d o to
get your hands o n a box set of 10th Kingdom,
just e-mail the correct
answer of the following question to film.felix@ic.ac.uk before 1 2 p m o n
what I would expect from a sport run by wealth. Admittedly, I don't know a lot about American football, being more of a rugby fan myself, but this film didn't shed any new or exciting light on a topic of which I am almost completely ignorant. It does show how aging players cope with up and coming stars and how sportsmen deal with finance over health.
Friday. There are some excellent performances from all the cast. The most notable is Who connects 10th Kingdom to Tales of the Unexpected?
the fine piece of acting delivered by Cameron Diaz. She plays Christina Pag-
Warner Vision have released the whole series of the J 0th Kingdom o n
This character is a corporate bitch and a complete control freak. It is one role
niacci who has inherited the Miami Sharks organisation from her late father. May 1st as a box set-and it costs just £ 3 9 . 9 9 for the set. If you don't
that Diaz seems to fit very easily. After roles such as the pet-loving wife in Being
want to buy it but really, really want to o w n a set, just enter the c o m -
John Malkovich or nice girl in Something About Mary, it's good to see she can
petition.
still carry this off. There isn't a point in the film that she opens her mouth without shouting or being aggressive at some-one. There is also a cameo from
Odeon Kensington Student Offers
Charlton Heston as the Commissioner of the Associated Football Franchises of America' whose job it is to look after the interests of all the owners of the football teams.
Still finding cinemas expensive in London? Fear no more! The O d e o n Kensington will let you see films M o n d a y to Friday for only £ 4 . 5 0 a
For those of you who are huge fans of American football and understand the
showing at their c i n e m a . You c a n also g o to the Saturday late shows for
rules, Any Given Sunday might be of some interest to you. It will give you an
only £ 4 . 5 0 . You won't find a better bargain in this part of London so
insight to how the whole football industry is run as well as the emotions
go o n get out there a n d see some of the fantastic new films that are
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out. The O d e o n Kensington is situated at the far end of Kensington
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High Street, a n d to get there all you need to d o is get on number 9 or
one word of warning when you watch this film: don't leave until the credits are
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over as the best twist in the story-line comes at the end.
dent ID (Union, U L U o r ISIC card) with you to take advantage of this great offer.
•
Helen
2 May 2000 Âť Felix
Films 21
s c r e e n
\~1
Helen Clark interviews Al Pacino, star of Oliver Stone's Any Given Sunday Oscar winner Al Pacino was born on 25 April 1 940
Do you feel that other adors are intimidated by
laboured about things any more. I believe in a
in New York city and is probably most famously
you?
healthy preparation for things.
known for his part as Michael Corleone in the
I don't feel that when I'm working with them. I just
Godfather movies. Recently he starred in the grip-
do my work the same way I have always done. I
Do you think this film will appeal to people who
ping cigarette conspiracy drama, The Insider and
couldn't possibly act if I felt that they had this feel-
don't know anything about American football? I don't know. That's going to be interesting to see.
his latest work is Any Given Sunday. Screen was
ing towards me because we all get in there and do
lucky enough to have an opportunity to talk to the
it together. When I come to do a movie I feel I come
I think they will get into the philosophy of it and the
man himself and what follows is what we found out.
with thirty years of past and movies that I've made
impact it has on people's lives. So maybe that is
so people have a tendency to respond to where
relatable.
Are you a big fan of American football?
they know you. There's an image instilled in people
I don't know it as well as I know baseball but I have
of you. I have it when I meet someone that I know
Every few years actors come and go but you've
played as a youngster. The game has changed
just through movies. Through the years, I've learnt
stayed; is there a formula to being an actor that
now. I don't know the inner workings of it but I
to let that go because they are never what you think
enjoy watching it.
they are. In answer to the question, it's built in anyway and they soon get over it. We are like different
There are about a hundred speaking parts in Any
instruments in an orchestra and all the actors play
Given Sunday. You're the lead so is that anything
together.
like being the quarterback on a successful team.
lasts? Most actors go with the first role that anyone will have you in. There's a point in a career where if you do make it people want to use you just because you've made it. You have to be careful when you chose a part, not to do it just because people want
A football player told me once in my research that
Was Oliver Stone the director you have always
you. If you weren't famous, they probably wouldn't
playing quarterback is like going in the opposite
wanted to work with?
take you for the part. Along the way, my choices for
direction on the freeway in LA with the traffic com-
Oliver directs as if he is in a state of chaos. He was
things have changed. I made a little picture called
ing at you and reading Hamlet at the same time.
directing four different scenes in the movie at the
Chinese Coffee myself. I've just finished putting it
same time. I was jaw dropped by that. He knows
together. It only took four years. It's a small movie.
Do you think American football players deserve the
what he's doing and you feel that. You have confi-
I haven't acted in a year. I'm trying to find some-
huge salaries they get?
dence in some one who has a definitive vision of
thing I can connect to now.
When one looks into the life span of an athlete and
what they want.
takes into account the kind of money generated by playing the game, you have to step back and deter-
Your character Tony D'Amato is afraid of the
What has going behind the camera taught you about acting?
mine what you think. I d o believe athletes are paid
changes as he gets older. Do you relate to that as
There's a distinction between wanting to make a
what they generate. It's a dangerous game. I never
you approach sixty?
film and being a director. I flinch when I say direc-
thought much about the price they receive. I'm sure
Maybe I've been spared as to me the whole idea of
tor because I know what directors are and what
it's relative to how much they bring in so I imagine
age is relative to the business you are in. I don't give
they do and I'm not one of them. I'm not in that
it's fair. Tony D'Amato's perfect night in would appear to
it much thought, as it's all relative. Chronological
league. It's another talent. I look at things as an
age doesn't interest me.
actor. I look at life and what I choose to do from an
Maybe I'm kidding myself. There are certain
actor's point of view. For instance, this picture Chi-
be jambalaya, Billie Holiday on the stereo and
acting parts that come up that you don't feel you
Ben-Hur on TV. What would be your perfect night
want to do as you've done them before. I'm not that
I wanted wasn't there so I did it. It's almost impos-
in?
interested in playing roles I might have been inter-
sible to direct yourself and act well in a movie you
That is a creative question. It seems like I'm always
ested in twenty years ago.
direct. I can see the flaws in the film I made. If I was-
nese Coffee, I was acting in it and the director that
n't in it, I think I could have done it better. The poor
fantasising on certain foods but it's not practical for me to eat them. There's a movie I like to see that
How have you and Oliver Stone changed over the
other actors in it I didn't direct them at all. After
plays a lot on the telly. M c C a b e and Mrs Miller is
twenty years you've known each other?
each take thirty people rush to this little monitor to
always playing on the satellite TV I have. I'm a big
I don't think Oliver has changed at all. He's still as
see the take and I just sit there and wait for their ver-
Julie Christie fan and I always have been. As for
wild as ever and that's wonderful. He's the same
dict. They come back and say do it again. The film
music, it would be Frank Sinatra but I also like to
guy I knew back then. Only he can tell you if I've
isn't bad. I'm a little embarrassed about directing as
changed. I hope I did a little. I don't feel as
to me it's a different language.
listen to arias.
22 Games
Felix > 2 May 2000 In association
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Hydro Thunder (DC)
Tokyo Highway Challenge (DC)
Well, it's called Hydro Thunder: guess what it's about. Yep, racing...on
I know that you all lie in bed, dreaming of being subversive. You know
water. A concept. But a g o o d concept? For those of you who played and
what I mean. You want to get out of your bed, go outside, and steal a
enjoyed the Wipeouf series, then this is not going to disappoint. Very simi-
car. Then you want to joy ride it. Well now - if you want - you can.
lar in many ways (except with no weapons, although strangely you don't
Brumm. This is fun.
miss them). Actually, to be honest, you don't really steal the cars - but you do drive The concept: You own a boat. You are g o o d at racing your boat. You get
around the Tokyo equivalent of the M 2 5 abusing nice, normal, law-abid-
invited to a bunch of races organised by other people who like racing their
ing citizens. A n d it's all at night, so I felt like I was joy riding. The concept
boats (usually in illegal places) at very high speed. If you are g o o d enough
of this game is unusual for the genre: you go round and round in circles,
to finish the first (easiest) three courses, using the three beginner boats, then
and
you can do the medium ones, and then the hard ones, and then the bonus
opposed to a normal commuter), you challenge them by flashing your
ones (getting new boats at each level). So there's almost a plot. But no,
headlights at them. Then you race them while avoiding all the other peo-
if you see someone who is considered a rival (ie another racer as
nothing clever or new. O n the other hand the boats do go very fast - so fast
ple,
that you can make them fly (which is quite surreal) for limited amounts of
quite difficult. Then, when you've got enough cash for your next upgrade,
time. You can also bash other boats out of the water when you have
or you've beaten everyone on the road that night, you exit on a slip road.
engaged your turbo (explained later), including police boats which are try-
It's a nicely satisfying way to end your day (although you can quit from a
ing to stop you from having your fun, just because you pushed over a
menu).
in an attempt to win and get money. This g a m e rapidly becomes
kayaker in an American lake. Which is nice. There are many different cars you can buy, but I really don't know how The graphics are very nice indeed. A fast refresh rate and good sounds
you're meant to get enough cash to even buy one in addition to your
really make you feel there. You remember the kayakers? Well they squawk
starting car. You receive money by beating other people in a race, and
as you run them down. Very satisfactory. And when you engage your turbo
the more difficult they are considered to be, the more money you get.
(explained later), the engines transform. And what's better is that each boat
However, you can also spend your cash on upgrading your vehicle, but
has a different transformation. Now, I'm not a big fan of Star Trek, but I do
this can be more expensive than buying a new car, so it all seems to dis-
remember the first time I saw the credits for Voyager, and the engines did
appear if you want to have any chance of beating people.
that moving thing just before warping, I thought " c o o l " . A n d this is much better. And there are thirteen boats. So at least thirteen times cooler.
But it's still g o o d fun. The method of racing is more like a beat 'em up: the further ahead of them you are, the faster they lose (for lack of a bet-
The levels are fun too. Each one has different obstacles in the middle of the
ter description) 'energy', and when it gets to zero, they lose (and you
water, depending on the setting: in the Arctic you have to avoid icebergs,
cheer like crazy).
and in the Far East you have to avoid big junks. Similarly you have different spectators - penguins and polar bears in one (oh dear, someone didn't
The control mechanism is easy to learn, but the idea is that you can mod-
do their homework), and paddy field workers in the other. And then there's
ify your car to get more control over things like drift, suspension height,
the turbo... You go pretty fast anyway, but you can pick up these turbo
gear ratio, etc. S o , if you upgrade your suspension, you are then given
things which will increase your speed to about double, and will also make
the option to change how high you want it, whenever you want (except
you invincible to other boats. The only way to complete the levels is to know
while driving), which definitely adds to the realism of the g a m e . The
where these are, and to pick up at least all of them, and then use them all
graphics are amazing as well (somewhat unsurprisingly - after all, surely
up in exactly the right places, so that you can beat the other boats by about
that's why you brought a Dreamcast), which is great when you're sitting
half a second, if you're lucky. This game is quite tough. There are also
inside the cockpit of the car, and there are several different soundtracks
secret passages that can be found, and although they shorten the route,
included on the disc, which seem to relate to the rival you're racing.
there might not be as many boosts along the way. This is not g o o d . All in all a g o o d g a m e , and if you like the idea of being an urban warSo play this game if you like burning water. The learning curve is challeng-
rior, fighting it out on the highways of Tokyo and generally causing wide-
ing (but fair) and all in all this is g o o d clean family fun.
spread mayhem, then this is for you. Will
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P h y s i c s
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T h e a t r e
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Tuesday 9 May 2000 P r o f e s s o r
E d a l a t ,
f r o m t h e
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entitled
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talk t a k e
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D e p a r t m e n t
D e p a r t m e n t
will
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Wednesday 3 May 2000
H e n r y
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C o l l e g e
( F l o o r
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B l a c k e t t
5 . 3 0 p m ,
C l o r e
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a n d s t a f f
t o a t t e n d
t h i s
a r e f r e e
v e r y e v e n t
Please contact Ranjini Spencer via r.spencer@ic.ac.uk or 020 7594 8059 in advance if you wish to attend
24 Books
Felix * 2 May 2000
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Page Fourth
Ink John Preston
Edition
While I'm Dead Feed the Dog The Complete Idiot's Guide to Ric Browde Creating a Web Page
1989. Fleet Street is being abandoned by the last
Ric Brodie spent most of his childhood travelling
You've got to admit that this is not really going
of the papers still based there. Hugh Byrne, a
around
to appea l to any of us, I a m afraid to say. Most
Europe a n d America, before
settling
reporter at one, is on the verge of cracking up,
down to an unsuccessful rock career. To make
of us who do care probably already know quite
seeming to have lost the ability to write. A throw-
ends meet he managed brothels, directed porn
a bit of HTML, and don't want to be (what we
away story about a man found dead in the
films, produced records and teaching English to
see as) patronised by a n 'idiot's' guide. A n d
Thames offers him his last chance before his
foreigners (the latter not being as wholesome as
those of us who don't care, don't care.
impatient
News Editor makes him bring the
it perhaps sounds). So what does the singer/gui-
Queen Mother's obituary up to date. Ink follows
tarist of The Amateur Gynaecologists have to
Hugh's investigations into the drowned man as
write about?
A h ' , I hear you say. ' W h a t happened to journalistic impartiality?' W e l l , okay. For the person
the paper winds up its offices and prepares to
who is an idiot, and does want to write a web
move to Canary Wharf, weaving a shadowy tale
While I'm Dead Feed The Dog is set in a sleepy
page (let's say an Oxford ' c o m p u t i n g ' student),
of secrets, lies and newsprint.
suburb of St Louis, Missouri, where nothing ever
this book would be very handy. It is a continu-
happens. This is until the sixteen year old Ric
ation of the famous Idiot's Guide series, and as
Preston paints a dark picture of a traditional news-
Thibault is corrupted by a leopard-skin bikini
such, it is extremely simple to read, taking you
paper operation, from the rows of hacks at type-
clad David Bowie promoter and his mother's
through the steps in a relatively rational fash-
writers in the offices, to the nightmarish depths of
best friend (who also happens to be his best
ion.
the printing presses and Byzantine politics of the
friend's mother). From here Ric starts on his con-
idiots? Take, for example, my mother. She's a
But is this really sufficiently
simple for
building. It seems a world away from the modern
quest to seduce the most beautiful girl in the
lovely w o m a n , but no idea about computers. If
world of desktop publishing, and it's hard to fath-
world, Nina Pennington.
I were to show her this book she would proba-
O f course, there are a few obstacles in the way;
would be able to cotton onto this (once she
The novel itself works well. Blackly comedic, yet
a couple of dead Latin teachers, a father in the
summoned up the courage to open the cover).
absorbing and intricate, it's stylishly written and
M a f i a , being forced to tour with David Bowie
thought provoking. There's a strong sense of iso-
and his mother leaving him a goodbye note
The style is informal, which
lation and dejection in Hugh's thoughts and
reading "While I'm dead: Feed The Dog" after
important in this kind of book, and everything
bly cry - but I have to say that I think even she
om how much has changed in ten years.
is clearly very
lifestyle, which adds depth a n d intensity to the
her first suicide attempt. Ric is caught in a whirl-
is explained in detail which, although some-
characterisation. The other characters tend to be
wind of hype which takes him to near stardom
times excruciating for someone with computer
a little vague, although most are complex and
during the seventies by simply loosing his virgini-
know-how, truly is idiot-proof. However, this is
realistic. Hugh's development and awakening is
ty (albeit in impressive style).
not a short book, a n d there is certainly a learn-
well portrayed, contrasting with the simultaneous
ing curve: later chapters in the book deal with
decline of the paper. The plot is slick, and the
Brodie describes the book as "totally autobio-
twists are only partly revealed in the conclusion,
graphical except for all the bits where I lied" and
if you already know a bit of H T M L , and aren't
which is itself a little ambiguous. The emphasis is
I hope he lies a lot! With seven deaths and too
scared of it, you would probably benefit from
not so much on finishing the story as on the cul-
many sexual encounters to count, this
buying a more advanced book.
mination of Hugh's escape from the problems that
moves along quickly and is an incredibly easy
book
Java-script a n d image m a p p i n g . Nonetheless,
haunt him throughout. .It's not perfect - it doesn't
read. This novel would definitely appeal to some
So, all in a l l , if you're not t o o techie parents/
quite hang together, and there's a suspicion that
one with a slightly darker sense of humour; in
friends/you are thinking of going into the webbusiness, then this is definitely a g o o d book to
some elements are there for the sake of a joke, or
fact if you are of a more sensitive nature I would
to sneer at some journalistic stereotypes (Preston
advise you to avoid it altogether. All in all, While
buy. For someone less scared of computers,
is the Daily Telegraph's Arts Editor). Overall,
I'm Dead Feed Tthe Dog is a light, shallow and
however, one could spend money o n a book
though, this is well worth a read; unusual, a c c o m -
raunchy novel with a story line which gradually
equally as big, but with much more informa-
plished and grimly fascinating.
progresses further and further from this world.
tion.
ID
Gareth
ID
Guy
I D D
Will
2 May 2000 « Felix
B o o k s
b
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25
s
=
Helen's Literary Events in and around London Hero in the Shadows David Gemmell
NEW RIVER WRITERS Friendly workshop based group. Short stories, poet-
This is the first David G e m m e l l book I have read and it certainly makes me
for room hire; phone 0 2 0 8 9 9 3 0 2 8 5 ; tube Chancery Lane
M O N D A Y 1 S T
ry etc. 8 : 3 0 p m , The King's Arms, 1 l a Northington St, W C 1 . Collection wish I'd picked one up much earlier, as this is easily the best book I have read T U E S D A Y 2 N D
in ages. In fact, this is the third book to contain GemmeH's Waylander character - but fear not if you, like me, have not read the other two, as this is a complete story within itself (somewhat novel in the fantasy genre that tends
POETRY UNPLUGGED A n open mic reading with M C John Citizen.
to specialise in epics). There are references to previous books, but they are
7 : 3 0 p m , Poetry C a f e , 2 2 Betterton St, W C 2 . £ 3 (mem £ 2 : 5 0 ) ; phone
smoothly explained and don't leave you with that irritating feeling that you're
0 2 0 7 4 2 0 9 8 8 8 ; tube Covent G a r d e n
missing out on something important. TERRY JONES Speaking on Chaucer's Knight. 6:1 5 p m , British Library, 9 6 From the first paragraph you are plunged into the action of a savage village
Euston Road, N W 1 . £ 5 (cones £ 3 : 5 0 ) ; phone 0 2 0 7 4 1 2 7 3 3 2 ; tube
raid and things just never stop from there on. Even if you are someone who
King's Cross.
only reads occasionally, I defy you to be able to put this book down and not be itching to get back to it. Perhaps not such a good thing before exams,
PAMELA JONES Reading from Deep Blue Silence.
but definitely a g o o d aid to relaxation afterwards.
Goldsmith's C o l l e g e , New Cross, SET4. Free; phone 0 2 0 8 4 6 9 0 2 6 2 ;
6 p m , Waterstone's
tube New Cross. To fill you in a bit on the plot: Waylander, the retired prince of assassins, must do battle against cruel sorcerers and their demonic minions to prevent his
STEPHEN JONES Reading from The Bad Book. 6 : 3 0 p m , Borders, 2 0 3
world being over run by an ancient evil. To his aid come friends both old and
Oxford Street, W l . Free; phone 0 2 0 7 2 9 2 1 6 0 0 ; tube Oxford Circus.
new - Kysumu, a 'Rajnee' swordsman of a dying order; Yu Yu Liang, a simple ditch-digger with dreams of fame and heroism; Usarte, a powerful half-
NATHANIEL PHILBRICK Discusses In the Heart of the S e a . 7 : 3 0 p m , Stan-
breed priestess a n d Keeva Taliana, a peasant girl with uncanny weapon
fords, 12-14 Long Acre, W C 2 . £ 2 (redeemable against purchase of the
skills. Together they must wake the dead Rjor-nor warriors to restore the wan-
book); phone 0 2 0 7 8 3 6 1 3 2 1 ; tube Leicester Square.
ing magic of the portal that holds the terror of Huan Kador out of their realm. But dissent has already been sown amongst the avaricious local
W E D N E S D A Y 3 R D
nobility, is there a traitor in their midst? KAUO INSHIGURO Reads from When
We Were Orphans.
7:30pm,
The plot is excellent, neatly drawing all the storylines together at the end. The
Muswell Hill bookshop, 72 fortis Green Rd, N 1 0 . Free; phone 0 2 0 8 4 4 4
only fault lies in perhaps relying a little too much on chance. His characters,
7 5 8 8 ; tube Highgate.
however, more than make up for this as they are all rounded and believable. Gemmell allows them to deal with real human difficulties in a way that shows
J O H N MILLS Talks about his career and signs Still Memories,
genuine understanding. Waylander, feared and hated by many for his fabu-
graphic autobiography.
his photo-
lous wealth and direct manner, must come to terms with his own hidden
Bank, SE1. £ 3 : 5 0 (cones £2:50), phone 0 2 0 7 4 5 2 3 0 0 0 ; tube Waterloo
1pm, Terrace C a f e , National Theatre, South
character and actions past and present. T H U R S D A Y 4 T H Somewhat surprisingly, Gemmeli's first attempt at fiction writing was met with unusual scorn from'one agent. H e was advised to continue working as a
SHORT FUSE Weekly fusion of performance comedy, stand-up poetry and
lorry driver's mate for Pepsi C o l a as it was ' a career not without merit'. How-
music. Tonight's show includes Bette O ' C a l l a g h a n and Jasper Holmes,
ever, twenty-one books and over one million sales later David Gemmell has
with host Nathan Penlington and music from David Bush. 8 : 3 0 p m , The
been praised from all quarters as one of fantasy's greatest writers.
C a m d e n H e a d , C a m d e n Walk, N I . £4 (cones £2); phone 0 2 0 8 5 3 6 0 6 5 2 ; tube Angel
Katherine
Waterstones are currently offering a 20% discount on all books reviewed in Felix
26 Seven Days
Felix « 2 May 2000
Felix
N
v Monday
Tuesday
I Wednesday I
Thursday
Friday
Quiz Night
Excess
Cocktail Night
Bust-A-Gut Comedy
8pm, da Vinci's
9pm - l a m , Union
Lectures may be over
8 p m , dBs,
Test your knowledge
(free before
(unless you're in
Martin Bigpig head-
of all things trivial
This year's sporting
Biochem), but that
lines, with support
with the Union's
season may now be
certainly doesn't
from...erm... someone.
weekly bar quiz,
over, but that's not
mean that life is any
sponsored by STA
going to stop a
less stressful - so sit
Shaft
Travel. A £ 5 0 first
horde of drunken
back, relax and
9pm - 2 a m , Union
prize and various
souls descending on
d a m n well calm
(£1 with Union
lager based rewards
the Union to show off
down with the cheap-
It's taste bypass time
are on offer.
their latest "move".
est drinks around.
again...
Archery
Rag
Skate Soc
C A G Soup Run
PhotoSoc
6 - 1 0 p m , Projectile
General meeting -
Roller Hockey, meet
8 . 1 5 p m , Weeks Hall
Weekly meeting from
Hall (Sports Centre)
6 p m , Southside
1 p m , Southside
Basement.
Lounge.
Lounge or 2pm at Royal O a k sports
Skate Soc
IQ
centre.
Nightskate - meet at
11pm)
£2.50
card)
1 - 2 p m , Southside Upper Lounge
9 . 3 0 p m outside
7 : 3 0 p m , meet in the BCR for Swan Lake.
M e c h Eng for a tour through London.
CAG Soup run, 8 . 1 5 p m .
Music
Film
T V
Arts
Eminem & Dr Dre
Cousteau
Paul Weller
Simply Red
Eagle Eye Cherry
O n e - o f f show which
Sharply dressed
Aging mod rocker
Mick Hucknall and
M T V ' s Five Night
teams the controver-
poetry poetic gloom
Weller goes back on
co play their first live
Stand kicks off with
sial white rapper with
meets eloquent tales
the road to promote
date in the U K for
sets from Eagle Eye,
his e x - N W A mentor.
of love.
his new album.
five years. Shame.
Day O n e and LSK
Brixton Academy,
Borderline,
Albert Hall, £25
Wembtey A r e n a £ 3 2
Shepherd's
£15
£7
Bush, £15
Scream 3
Galaxy Quest
Kevin A n d Perry G o
American Psycho
Pokemon
Neve C a m p b e l l , Wes
All-star Star Trek spoof
Large
Very, very disturbed
Attempts to rip-off par-
Craven, Courtney C o x
boasting the classic
Harry Enfield stretch-
book becomes very,
ents don't come worse
et al return to scare
"man in a red shirt
es a five minute gag
very disturbed movie,
than this blatant mer-
the shit out of you...
doomed to die" gag.
into ninety minutes.
starring Christian Bale.
chandising exercise.
Odeon Leicester Sq
Virgin Fulham Rood
Odeon Marble Arch
UGC Haymarket
UGC Trocodero
3.40, 5.45,
3.10, 6.00,
4.45, 6.50,
3.30, 6.00,
2.10, 4.15,
8.30
9.00
9.05
8.30
6.30
Dallas
BatHestar Galactica
The Big Match
Vote 2000
Channe l Four launch
Yet another complete
Real Madrid take on
The votes pour in,
Buffy Buffy's sex life
an evening devoted
re-run of this classic
Bayern Munich after
the Swingometer
empowers a bunch
to the US soap with
seventies sci-fi series
knocking out a cer-
kicks into action...
of demons. N o , hon-
the shooting of JR.
kicks of this week.
tain English team...
and Ken wins. Class.
estly, that's the plot.
Channel
B B C 2, 6.45pm
ITV, 7.30pm
B B C 1, 11pm
Sky One,
4, 8pm
8pm
Copellia
Ant Noises
Passion Play
The Greek Passion
M o n a Hatoum
A revival of this joyous
Saatchi renews his
Peter Nichols' devas-
Martinu's retelling of
The Tate reopens with M o n a Hatoum's
mid-century comedy,
commitment to British
tating 1981 drama
Kazantzakis' little
in a staging by Royal
Art with a show of the
about love and infi-
known opera, direct-
sculptures of the
Balet founder Ninette
latest from Hurst,
delity, revived with
ed by David Pouteney,
domestic made
grace and wit.
with Jorma Silvasti.
dangerous.
Donmar, £14 +
Royal Opera,
Tate Britain, free
Lucas, Turk etc
de Valois. Royal Opera,
£6+
Saafchi Gallery,
£4
£6 +
2 May 2000 « Felix
D
Seven Days 27
A
Y
Saturday
A l l
Sunday
c l u b
f o r
&
t h i s
t e r m
s u b m i t t e d
a s
s o c i e t y
t o
s o o n
Next Week
e n t r i e s
s h o u l d
b e
f e l i x @ i c . a c . u k
a s
p o s s i b l e .
S
orry for my absence in the
Dutch courage, I walked into the
back end of last term, but I
Hotel, slightly dishevelled, with the
was disheartened by the lack
look of an embarrassed lame dog.
of response to the column. Having
Unfortunately my flat mate had dis-
spoken to people since though, I've
appeared with my keys (most likely
realised that the number who write
to his girlfriend's house miles away)
in are only a fraction of those who
and as a consequence I was locked
actually enjoy reading the column
out of my flat. Given that I worked in
and
the hotel's kitchens as a pot washer,
more
importantly
we
have
another challenge.
I was hoping thot the hotel would
The Challenge
their spare rooms, as my only other
put me up for the night in one of "Living over an hour's journey
alternative was to sleep rough, after
Kung Fu Club
IQ
from Imperial, I find it particularly
all the hotel is like a family. They
(Wu Shu Kwan)
More details avail-
difficult to get home after a good
then asked for my name and they
Southside G y m
able by email from
night on the tiles. I've often thought
said they'd never heard of me, so I
4:30pm - 6:30pm.
martyn.whitwcll or
of just booking into a hotel to col-
explained that I'd only been working
steven.cook (both
lapse in my drunken stupor, but with
for a few weeks as a favour to Andy
@ic.ac.uk).
the
the head chef; feasible.
prices as high as they
are
around South Ken, I've never been
This is the point at which I could
Kung Fu Club
able to afford even the smallest sin-
have been buggered, but because
(Wu Shu Kwan)
gle. Blag yourself a room in a classy
of the time, everyone had finished in
Union G y m
hotel and make sure there's
the kitchens and the
4:30pm • 6:30pm.
preparation needed so next time i
people had long gone home lock-
go to the Union I can get myself a
ing up al! of the employer details, or
no
officey-type
room (it's either that or pull and go
so I assume. I was then asked to
the
wait so they could check on their
Although I haven't fried blag-
vacant and I had my doubts for a while, in spite of my Oscar-winning
Primal Scream
Embrace
Ricky Martin
home
with
someone
from
Night two is proba-
Night three sees
MTV's favourite
Union, you've got to help.)"
bly the best of the
Embrace's return
snake-hipped
database to see which rooms were
five, with Death In
from the dead con-
Spaniard hits Earl's
ging this in London yet, at the time
Vegas supporting.
tinue with top billing.
Court - we have
of the challenge I found myself in
performance. They came to nothing
Shepherd's Bush, £15
Shepherd's Bush, £15
been honoured...
Winchester, home of the renowned
though and I was handed my key to
top
one of their rooms, out the door
hotel/restaurants in the country. I'd
second on the right. Jackpot, it-was a double, stuffed full of booze, jelly
Hotel
Du Vine, one of the
The Tigger Movie
Mission To Mars
M a n In The Moon
heard of the hotel before, having
All together now, "The
All star Disney-fied
With the O s c a r ' s now
recently read an article in the Tele-
beans and dried almonds, but I felt
graph on the standard of the food,
far too guilty to help myself and if I
wonderful thing about
effects bonanza, that
a distant memory, this
Tiggers; is Tiggers are
owes more than a lit-
acclaimed Jim Carrey
interviewing
the head chef Andy
was caught, the cost of the minibar
wonderful things..."
tle to The Abyss,
vehicle now seems
something, about his work; this was
could tip the balance between a
Odeon
Odeon
long overdue - will it
all the ammo I needed.
Kensington
LOO
12.40,
Camden 3.15
be worth the wait?
laugh and a felony in the manager's
To bo a good blaggcr it is
eyes.
essentials that you are a master of
The only downside to this blag
the three C ' s : Coolness, Conviction
is that unlike other blags, the blag-
Match of the Day
Dawson's Creek
The N a k e d Chef
and Confidence. When lying you
ger has to leave himself vulnerable
The pick of the Pre-
Quality wake-up TV,
Another chance to
also must ensure that the web of
for a prolonged period of time, sleeping with the evidence. Para-
miership, featuring
requiring ziich brain
play an entertaining
deceit that you are spinning can not
M a n Utd winning
power and offering
game of "spot the
be traced or checked. Although I
noid, but content with what I had
and Watford losing.
buckets of schmaltz.
fake South london
have blatantly lied to people before
achieved I woke at 7.30, leaving in
BSC ), i 0.30pm
Channe l 4,
accent" presents itself.
for the sake of a blag, this was the
the most discreet manner possible,
first time I have ever tried to con-
to stay any later would be taking the
12.40pm
vince someone face to face, know-
piss and would run the risk of the manager figuring
Hard Fruit
Summerfolk
Dreyfus
ing
Jim Cartwright looks
Your last choncc to
Nicholas Kent's
stacked against them believing me
at the life of a fero-
catch Trevor Nunn's
working of Jean-
and that they could find out the
If you have any challenges or
cious fighter and
revival of Gorky's
Claud e Grunberg's
truth, within minutes, if they were
have any blags that you're proud of,
closet gay in the
sprawling nineteenth
eerie play comes to
sceptical.
that you want to see appearing in
North West.
century drama.
the Tricycle Theatre
After
Royal Court, £5 +
National,
£10 I
later this month.
that there
empowered
iast
are
huge
orders,
odds
having
myself with a little '
out what
had:
happened.
this column, drop me an email at theblaggersguide@hotmail.com.
28 Crossword
Felix » 2 May 2000
The Felix Crossword 11 73, by Turnip Henry Cryptic
clues
Across: 2.
country. (5)
Drier around restricted
31 . Imitate, and address to the
tool. (6) 6. 7. 8.
top floor. (4-2)
Pleasing plant. (5) Instrument is back o n the
Down:
road. (5)
1 . Stressed in the past, per-
Rest disturbed after former lover makes an effort. (6)
9.
haps. (5) 2,3. Eton held the f-word to be
Employment of universal
earth-shattering.
wise man. (5)
(3,3,2,3,5)
10. Embroidery is irritating, but has a purpose. (11) 1 7. Vital for music. (5) sea feature. (5)
Airline lie holds water. (5) tation. (5)
1 2. Competition for the num-
2 0 . In the fog nothing is wet.
ber one vessel. (11) 1 3. O n the beat, eventually.
(5) 2 1 . Start shiatsu around Ameri-
(2,4) 14. Beat on skin. (6)
ca, for food. (5)
1 5. Swallow points to bay. (6)
2 2 . Blush from lying helps interpret images. (5,6) 2 7 . Tread down to send it on
1 6. Turn metal in the back. (6) 1 8. Relish in August orgies. (5) 2 3 . Burnt prize. (5)
its way. (5) 2 8 . G o d has a plate for veg-
24. Fight for piece of paper. (5) 2 5 . Note: study is heavy. (5)
etable. (6) 2 9 . C a r carried by people. (5) clues
Nowhere to dance. (5)
5.
1 1. Punishment for cheesy flir-
1 9. Sorrow to hear G e r m a n
Quick
4.
30. Sounds like I count a
26. Broken lamp from the East is enough. (5)
Across:
22. Trickery. (11)
5.
Cryptic Crossword 11 7 2 :
Q u i c k Crossword 11 7 2 :
2.
Very cold. (6)
27. Dried fruit. (5)
1 1 Piece of pipe. (1 -4)
Across:
Across:
6.
Weak. (5)
2 8 . Wine. (6)
12 Very important. (1 1)
Butterfingers, N o sir, Hamster,
Counterweight, Cider, Ailment,
7.
Not horizontal. (5)
2 9 . Normal. (5)
13 M a d . (6)
Nearsides, Ratio, Drill,
Protruded, Horny, Hydra,
8.
Body hollow. (6)
30. Ice house. (5)
14 Instrument. (6)
Laserdisc, Chianti, B imp,
Neckbands, Pink-eye, Corfu,
9.
Throw, brief affair. (5) 1 0. Giving support. (11)
3 1 . Minister. (6)
15. Aromas. (6)
Ground-control, M a y p o l e ,
Tranquilised, Radiate, Kernels.
16 Cake. (6)
Nodular.
Down:
1 7. Feudal allegiance.
Down:
18 Looking at. (5)
Down:
(5) 1 9. In addition. (5)
1 . Mythical creature. (5)
23 Booth. (5)
Wafer, Synthesis, Asset Stripper,
2.
Whipped. (1 1)
24 In the area. (5)
Embargo, Tantalisingly, Elmer,
G u l c h , Dunkerque, Happier,
3.
Lighter. (5)
25 Clearing. (5)
Da iance, Decorum, Lingo,
Arena, Burglar, Speedos,
4.
Vernacular. (5)
26 Irritate. (5)
Reigned, Cobbler, Bacon,
Click.
20. Skill in handiwork. (5) 21 . Sub-continent. (5)
Cutlery item. (5)
Rainbow, Sausage,
Rubicon, Breasts,
Another term, another issue of Felix, another
book (you know you want to) a n d ignore the
crossword. . . or something
hideously attired man at the front of the room
fiendishly difficult
ike that. To be honest, I find the Sun's Tea Break Quickie
talking
about
partial
differentia!
Abysmal, Iceberg,
A l c o p o p , Matador,
Lurer, Icelandic, Entrepreneurs, Ghostly, Uncoordinated,
The first correct grid of answers to the cryptic clues will win their owner a copy of the
equations
Collins English Dictionary (RRP £ 2 0 ) , whilst a
a bit taxing o n the o l d grey
(where d o they get those ties?). Instead, dig
full set of solutions to the quick crossword could earn you a £ 1 0 book token. The names
matter, so I always find Turnip Henry's offer-
out a dictionary, locate a sharp pencil (and a
ings d a m n a b l y tricky. A n d it's for the likes of
sharper mind) and set to work one of the puz-
of the lucky winners will be printed here next
me that he's once a g a i n provided a set of
zles (not both at the same time, mind - that
week, a l o n g with a full set of answers to both
what
he likes to describe as " q u i c k " clues
crosswords.
(hmmm... that just makes me feel thicker than the
large
print version of The Lord of the
Rings). Either that or he's got terminally bored with the prospect of revision - take your pick. As ever, both sets of clues c o m e with prizes attached for the first correct set of solutions out of the hat - just remember that, to ensure
Right, just one thing left to d o . . . The final
X r o s s w o r d C o m p e t i t i o n
crossword of last term stream
p r o d u c e d the usual
of entries, with a particularly
high
number of solutions for the quick crossword materialising in the Felix O f f i c e just minutes
way madness lies). In order to be in with a chance of winning,
before the competition d e a d l i n e , all looking suspiciously similar... Anyway, after weeding
that there's no cheating, the two sets of clues
you'll need to bring your completed grid to the
out
are for different
Felix Office (outside the Physics Department,
words are listed above), the first set of cryptic
words (yet both
using the
same grid - clever, huh), so you're effectively getting two puzzles for the price of one. W h i c h is nice. So, anyway, back to the normal spiel... put down your notes a n d the painfully boring text
all the incorrect
answers
(the correct
next to the liquid nitrogen tank) by 8 p m on answers out of the hat b e l o n g e d to Will B l a c k m a n , whilst the winner of the quick
Wednesday evening (preferably a c c o m p a n i e d
by a full set of correct answers). O h , a n d it'd
crossword contest was A m y Hollister.
help matters a lot if you indicate clearly which
gratulations - please c o m e to the Felix Office
Con-
set of clues you've used.
to collect your prizes as s o o n as possible.
2 May 2000 « Felix
Competitions 29
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30 Clubs & Societies
Felix â&#x20AC;˘ 2 May 2000
Mountaineering GARETH M O R G A N
Club
climbed as hard as we could without quite the same risks we would
The Imperial C o l l e g e Mountaineer-
expect at home. There was a fair
ing Club's Easter tour took us to
amount
Spain's G o l d Coast, the Costa D a u -
almost instinctive unease that affects
of exposure though, the
rada in C a t a l o n i a , for a week and a
most people when they're
half of stunning climbing in fabu-
the ground. Hanging on by one
lous scenery.
hand while
The trip started in patriotic style, with a late-night viewing of The Ital-
you look
above
down two
thousand feet of valley, going all the way down to the distant sea, is an
ian Job, which took the place of
interesting
sleep before the 7 . 0 0 flight from
accompanied
Stanstead to Barcelona. W e spent
tives a n d a strong motivation to
most of the holiday quoting it, espe-
keep going.
cially after white
picking
up the blue,
a n d (unfortunately)
green
experience,
generally
by muttered
exple-
Thinking of the weather, anyone who had been expecting balmy sun
Clios that would be our transport in
and the chance to really work o n
Spain ("Remember, over here they
their tan was sorely disappointed -
drive o n the wrong
we were a thousand metres above
side of the
road"). O n e of these, incidentally,
sea level and it was extremely cold
would be thrashed to within an inch
at times. The wind didn't help - it
of its life over mountain roads a n d dirt tracks, "because it's a hire car, and they expect it to be trashed." O n e car stayed in Barcelona to
certainly didn't seem to have come from
the Sahara. Still, when we
found a bit of shelter, it was a beautiful location.
pick up two latecomers, while the
We had three days of great
others drove to the mountain refuge
climbing, the highlight of which was
in the ruined village of La Mussara,
a stunning F 7 a + arete led by Simon
which was to be o u r home for the
and Mike on a crag called Lo Soter-
next ten days. The refuge provided
rani, although everyone was push-
impressive views over the mountains
ing their abilities and a lot of great
to the coastal town of Reus, with the
routes were climbed. Unfortunately,
Mediterranean stretching away over
we were now collectively tired, and
wait! Look! A playground with those
and we retreated
the horizon. Run by a Catalan c o u -
decided that a rest day in Tarrago-
wooden toys o n springs to play o n !
except
Nigel
to a cafe. All
and Gareth, who
ple, it provided basic a c c o m m o d a -
na, the nearest city, was called for.
Nice. Unfortunately, someone had
proved themselves to be the least
tion a n d g o o d
We went medium in Reus (which, on
to fall off, a n d Nigel took o n this
sane but most hardcore of us all , climbing a reasonably hard route in
food
for a few
pounds a night. O u r two Spanish speakers, Martin and A l b a n , spent a long time
talking
to M a r i a , our
young hostess. Her boyfriend, possibly called M a r i o , seemed
nice
enough t o o ; he climbs F 8 a (read, seriously hard) and puts up a lot of new routes. Which was a shame. The climbing started in earnest
a Tuesday at least, was too dead to
solemn responsibility not once but
go large), a n d got shouted at for
twice, losing a fair bit of skin from
being noisy when we returned at
around
left him
was Megan's 21st birthday, which
his eyes, which
half past two. We returned via Reus,
looking like he'd been in a series of
called for a suitable celebration:
and picked up our esteemed Presi-
brutal fights. Pausing only to pick up
cocktails, tequila and general hilar-
dent, M e g a n , and some
an ice pack, we stumbled across a
ity. The precise details are lost in a
random
slapper by the name of Nigel, who
row of a dozen clubs, thronging
haze of alcohol and dire threats, but
had come to catch the second half
with people a n d playing a wide
a fine night was had by all.
selection of music. Shame that most
of the trip.
of them didn't like trainers. Despite
on Sunday, with a trip to the nearby
We headed out to the pictur-
TV crags, named after the masts on
esque village of Mont Ral on Thurs-
this we had a great
night, a n d
day, a n d managed a couple of
weren't
about the
the hill above them. The rock here is
ludicrously high winds. That night
a hard limestone, often covered in
routes before the heavens opened
sharp pockets o r protrusions that
and we were reduced to huddling in
make for great technical climbing.
a cafe, cursing the filthy
O n the other hand, anyone w h o
weather. Friday was much nicer, and
t o o bothered
prospect of sleeping in the cars for a few hours afterwards.
foreign
M o nd a y was our last day of climbing, and we tried to make the most of it, with some great routes that left everyone tired but reluctant to leave. After a truly fantastic meal and the last of our beer, we left the
The roads were closed for the
refuge on Tuesday a n d made our
Rally on Saturday, so we had a nice
way back to Barcelona. It had been a
insisted on wearing shorts whatever
we managed a g o o d few routes on
afternoon
the weather ended up with knees
the TV crags.
that made up in route quality what
looking forward to a long summer
they lacked in height. Sunday was
of climbing back in Britain.
covered in cuts a n d grazes. This didn't
Friday night
presented some-
on some nearby crags
slow us down though, as
thing of a problem. The Catalonia
an
everyone set about the rock with a
Rally was being held in the area,
Prades, which
determination
caused by a long,
cold English winter. Everything here is sports climbing - bolts drilled into the rock provide a more secure and regular form of protection than traditional
British
routes
-
so we
expedition
to Villanova de had different
rock
fantastic
few days, leaving us
For more information
on the
mountaineering club, and our sum-
and the refuge had been booked by
and lots of nice short routes. Unfor-
mer trips, contact M e g a n at the
around sixty locals for a pre-race
tunately
address below.
our trusty Rockfax let us
party, leaving us with no option but
down and we spent so long trying to
to g o clubbing in Tarragona. After a
find the crag that we only managed
Contact: Megan
pizza, a few beers, and several jugs
a couple of routes before the cloud
Email:mountaineering@ic.ac.uk.
of sangria, we were ready to go. But
came down, the wind picked up,
2 May 2000 ÂŤ Felix
Clubs & Societies 31
Sinfonietta IC Sinfonietta's
second
evening
concert of the year took place at the end of last term, with all those involved hoping to build o n the undoubted success of their first performance, which took
place last
autumn. For their first piece, the Sinfonietta selected Tchaikovsky's Violin Concerto. They were joined by Elizabeth Cooney, a Foundation Scholar at the Royal School of Music. She performed
with
great
aplomb,
bringing out the lyrical solo sections of the first movement. During these moments the audience listened in awed rapture, scarcely daring to breathe lest they missed a nuance. The orchestra shone too, performing with clarity and purpose, especially in the later movements. The final
movement,
Allegro
ple tunes, one on piano and violin,
Congratulations are due to conduc-
vivaa'ssimo, was a rapid sequence
the other on flute and harpsichord.
tor Daniel Capps who held together
of folk-dances, in which the main
Later apparent chaos ensued as the
the disparate rhythms admirably.
theme was supported by bagpipe-
theme is repeated by the strings a
Finally, after some shuffling and
style droning and an evocation of
beat apart, accompanied by the
rearrangement, we were treated to
of
the gypsy string bands which were
flutes in a different key. It is fair to
Malcolm
Scottish
many free lunchtime concerts were
popular
in Tchaikovsky's Russia.
Arnold's
Four
piece. IC Sinfonietta has been running for three and a half years, and until this year it was kept under the wing the Symphony Orchestra. Its
say that this sounded odd. In fact
Dances. This composer has worked
well attended, but as the orchestra
This was as fine a musical perform-
many
on films including Wildcat's
grew bigger and better it needed to
ance as this reviewer has ever wit-
openly. A lengthy section followed in
Trinians and The Bridge on the River
nessed from IC Sinfonietta.
which the strings introduced a rela-
Kwai. His Scottish Dances include a
more
tively sane waltz like theme, only to
Strathspey, a reel, a particularly
Sinfonietta or forthcoming concerts,
prepared to d o battle with (K)ein
have in thrown back in their faces by
enjoyable Hebridian folk tune and a
contact Chris at the address below.
Sommernachtsiraum,
the brass and winds as a thunder-
Highland Fling. The orchestra clear-
After the interval, the orchestra (Not) A Mid-
of the audience
laughed
of St.
perform to a wider audience. For information
on joining the
The piece
ous " o o m - p a h " march. This piece
ly relished the familiar timbres and
Contact: Chris
began simply enough with some
worked well both as a musical per-
musical language of Scottish music,
Email: sinfonietta@ic.ac.uk
toing-and-froing between two sim-
formance and as a comic episode.
and gave a fun interpretation of the
summer Night's
Dream.
RockSoc EL G O R D O
Bar. The result was best characterised
frenzy of unconstrained energy never
oh look, I'll whip it out and show
at the end of the night by brain
before seen in IC and with their per-
you" band debate. The music was
Okay, to those of you who didn't
stunned people asking for more (and
formance the first mosh pit of the
pretty cool too...
attend "The sICk night In", would you
offering to bear our children, nice).
evening quickly got underway, with a
Headlining the night were Zeta
stage froth flailing of limbs and hair.
Reticuli. With a fantastic entrance,
be so kind as to form an orderly line
The night kicked off a little after
by that wall over there, yes, the one
the advertised 6pm, due to unfore-
RedHed were next on. With already
the devil-winged front man Gary
pitted with lead, clotted hair and
seen technical difficulties concerning
one Kerrang! feature under the belt,
wooed
mucus. Lovely.
custard and rice crispies, with a
we knew we were in for a treat. With
heartfelt tracks and a refreshing fast moving sound.
the audience with
eerily
selection of DJs from ICUs very own
an awesome stage presence, they
don's biggest student rock and metal
RockSoc, in its first year as an official
had the audience eating out of their
Remember kids, you don't have
night in the Union, attracting students
society. RCM-based band Element
hands with their guitary Stuck M o j o
to worship Satan to join RockSoc, but
from
Saturday 1 8th March saw Lon-
as far out. as Surrey a n d
were first to play at 7pm, regaling us
sound, singing along in no time.
it does help and he is your friend.
Uxbridge, in addition to all the major
with excellent renditions of a selec-
Stonking.
The date for "The bigger, longer and
London universities. Having almost
tion of classic songs.
been cancelled twice
a n d been
The second band were exciting
The
fourth
1 1 :30pm, were
band,
on
at
Evil Kneval. This
moved from DBs to the Concert Hall,
upcomers in the London hard-core
band is already very known for play-
"The sICk night In" was put together
scene, RD.H.M. (no, we haven't got a
ing support for major bands around
in a mere two and a half weeks of
clue as to what it stands for either).
the
hard work by a crack team from the
The rapping
brothers, Stuart and
preparation can prepare a person for
IC RockSoc, DramSoc and the Union
Alistair, burst onto the stage in a wild
the "my one is bigger than your one,
U K . However no amount of
uncut sICk night In" has already set for Freshers Week 2 0 0 0 - put a note in your diary and be there O R ELSE... Contact: James Email: rocksoc@ic.ac.uk
32 Sport
Felix ÂŤ 2 May 2000
T h e y c a m e , they saw, they streaked t h r o u g h
Paris
Cross Country - Paris Relays 2000 Its that time of year a g a i n when the cross country team d e c i d e to
throw us out of the club lounge. Anyhow, after we arrived o n
his first outing for Imperial. The
the other teams disqualified Not-
post
tingham a n d Imperial were o n c e
race
celebrations
started
blow the budget in Paris. There
Friday we went o n the usual sight
immediately, however, with some
again
were only two objectives of the trip
seeing tour of Paris, which ended
serious beer fights. The team then
Naked 4-by-400.
this year. The first was to get drunk
with a club meal at which Sarah
moved onto the more serious rea-
for three days a n d the second was
c o m p l a i n e d loudly (you may have
sons for c o m i n g to Paris.
to win the naked 4 - b y - 4 0 0 relay.
spotted a pattern).
All the London colleges c o n gregated
at U L U o n Thursday
saying he did not like the m o a n i n g
ing leg came in first a n d handed
feminist, he vanished to her r o o m .
Paris. As always, the journey was a rowdy o n e , with Kings Beer F a g
Chicago). Imperial
chants
onto Andy H, who ran a great leg
He claims she asked him for sex
and was only beaten home by the
and that he said n o , but the g e n -
son we are meant to go) was held
Nottingham
eral
in the afternoon,
5 0 m down the track a n d cut all
name (Mister Floppy) might have
the
had something to d o with it...
forced
turned
up at the last
to b o r r o w
with
Imperial
a group
of
corners
runner
w h o started
off (you c h e a t i n g
females from UAE (with them bor-
b*stards). G a v took over but was
led o n e of the
rowing
unable to haul in the Nottingham
girls (Sarah, a feminist
return).
This
rendition of
Yank) w h o had only been d r a g g e d
time at the party. After repeatedly
the team increase, as three extra minute. The Paris Relay (the rea-
a l l the
continued, and
Frank B o u c h e r h a d a hell of a
At 2 . 3 0 a m the naked 4 - b y -
runners
leading
night
of the
4 0 0 started. Andy G ran a storm-
night for a couple of social drinks
(including a 5 5 m i n
The
Kings
Saturday saw the strength of
before the c o a c h journey out to
Army
crowned
some
of
o u r m e n in
runner
The race itself was uneventful
and handed
McDangerous,
over
to
consensus is that
his
new
A fantastic weekend was h a d by a l l , a n d we arrived back at U L U late o n Sunday evening - what a
w h o c l o s e d the
way to finish the season off. O n to
in at the last minute, to c o m p l a i n
- we hadn't c o m e here to win a n d
g a p but was unable to complete
the athletics season now - a n d all
continuously to the whole of the
we didn't, with the first team fin-
the
that remains is to see if M i k e c a n
team. O h well... The ferry journey
ishing eleventh. Shaun should get
announced
was enlivened by Andy G swiping
a mention, however, for running
only by the judge who came from
teen
a hostess's hat when she c a m e to
the eight fastest time of the day in
- you guessed it - Nottingham. A l l
m o a n i n g A m e r i c a n feminists to...?
victory.
Nottingham
were
as the winners, but
keep his progression g o i n g : thiry ea r
olds
to
incessantly
U n i t e d m a k e it s i x f r o m e i g h t - b u t is t h a t e n o u g h ? Premiership League Review Manchester United have taken the
the leaders largely thanks to an
Premiership title for the sixth time in
inability to put the ball in the back
the league's eight year history - yet
of the net). S o , with the prospect of
after only reaching the last eight of
Liverpool mounting a serious chal-
the Champions League a n d per-
lenge next year (assuming that they
forming miserably in the World C l u b
can hold onto all of their players
Championship, is that enough?
and keep them injury free), a n d ,
With the title wrapped up so
more importantly, with the C h a m p i -
early this season, Alex Ferguson
ons League kicking off again in five
surely only views the Premiership as
months
a way back into Europe next season
improvements to the starting eleven
time,
making
a few
- after all, it's only through contin-
is clearly essential. However, with
ued success on the European stage
Martin Edwards insisting that some-
that United will be able to conclu-
bly wealthy yet quickly
sively prove themselves to be one of
team.
forgotten
since Christmas (it was just one
one's going to have to leave in
point until they ran out of steam
order to balance the books, a nice
against Everton on G o o d Friday),
big argument between the Chair-
the greatest teams of all time. Until
Hence, you have to assume,
then, no matter what an endless
the decision to spend ÂŁ 1 8 . 5 million
and the one thing that the M e r - man and his short-of-fuse M a n a g e r
succession of B B C and Sky Sports
on Ruud Van Nistelrooy. That a n d
sysiders definitely aren't short of is
may well be o n the horizon - and
commentators
proclaim them to
the fact that Liverpool have picked
strike force
that certainly won't be g o o d for the
be, they will still remain an impossi-
up just three points less than United
Arsenal, who have fallen away from
(unlike
Chelsea and
share price...