http://www.felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_2002/2002_1231_A by Ravi Pall

8 M a r c h 2002 Issue 1231

The Student Newspaper for Imperial College

http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/felix/

Near the culmination of the Great Felix Film Quiz. Yes, culmination. (Page 26)

Beverly Knight rides again! Do you see what we did there? (Page 18)

Election Result Uncertainty the Elections Committee h a d moved ballot boxes on the medical campuses i n accordance w i t h M s Munir's requests.

The results of recent sabbatical elections are i n danger of being overturned after a formal complaint w a s made b y t h e President of the M e d i c s ' Union. The M e d i c s ' President, Shazia Munir, presented her argument on Tuesday, where she alleged that the election h a d been run unfairly. This followed a formal complaint w h i c h w a s sellotaped to the office door of R e t u r n i n g Officer D a v i d Francis last Saturday, the day of the count. Sellotape is not, apparently, a valid w a y to make a form a l complaint, a n d the count proceeded unhindered - the results of w h i c h were announced on Monday (see page 5). While the Returning Officer for sabbatical elections is usually the President, this year's encumbent, Sen Ganesh, stood for re-election. D a v i d Francis a c t e d as Returning Officer i n his place until a meeti n g of Union Council confirmed that he could run the elections. This decision w a s taken despite informal complaints about his conduct during the nomination of candidates, implying that those n o w recruired to judge his conduct were aware of dissat-

If these complaints are upheld at subsequent meetings, t h e elections may b e entirely re-run.

M e d i c a l U n i o n Pr e s i de nt : C o m p l a i n t isfaction before they appointed him. The substance of M s M u n i r ' s complaint regards the placement and limited number of ballot boxes on medical campuses, as w e l l as criticism of the "lack of notice" given for students w i s h i n g to register their vote remotely. M r Francis, w h o is heavily criticised i n the complaint, argues that M s Munir failed to communicate the proxy voting arrangements to her student body i n time, a n d that

It has been alleged that this enthusiasm for re-running the election may be related to fourth year medic Idris Harding's narrow defeat i n the Presidential election. M r Harding overwhelmingly beat all the other candidates i n the medic vote w i t h a medic turn-out greater than i n any other department, excluding the Huxley ballot w h i c h contains three departments. This casts doubt on the effect poor voting arrangements may have h a d on the outcome. The recent elections cost the Union over ÂŁ1000 - enough to kit out a Rugby team but there are also significant worries that the student population w o u l d fail to turn out for a repetition of the elections. AW

"Those election results in full. They're not pie charts, but it's an excuse to put a big pie on the front page!" Election results in full, but no pie... e

college news

Alternative Careers Fair tary sectors were s l o w l y b e i n g eroded, a s charities, N G O s a n d voluntary organisations b e c o m e more b u s i n e s s - l i k e a n d efficient. A n u m b e r of other t a l k s followed, o n a range of topics from renewable energy sources to ethical investment.

Wednesday saw Civil Engineering play host to the multitudinous hordes w h o h a d gathered for t h e s e c o n d London Alternative Careers Fair, S u s t a i n a b l e Futures. Organised b y E-Soc a n d the L S E environmental initiatives network, t h e a i m of t h e fair w a s to present career options to students w h o don't w a n t to sell their souls to 'big b u s i ness', w i t h a n emphasis o n sustainability, environmentali s m and ethics. Tom Tibbits, E-Soc chair a n d driving force b e h i n d the event s a i d that h e felt s t u d e n t s ought to k n o w that there w e r e indeed options other t h a n consultancy a n d financial services for Imperial graduates, a n d that t h e U n i o n careers fair, h e l d annually i n November, does n o t provide s t u d e n t s w i t h enough s u c h options.

The fair opened w i t h a talk from D a v i d Kingsley, entitled ' A slice of the Pie', in w h i c h he tried to persuade those present that it w a s indeed possible to w o r k i n a field that w a s both ethical a n d sustainable, w h i l e still m a k i n g a decent living. He w e n t on to explain that the traditions of lower pay and poorer conditions i n the volun-

E x a m Stress W o r k s h o p "Emotional Preparation" led b y Claudio Calvi, Psychotherapist

Imperial College Health Centre

Wed 13th & 20th March, 2002 Wed 4th & 11th December, 2002 3pm - 4:30pm

A t t e n d a n c e o n b o t h days necessary Bookings R e q u i r e d : E x t e n s i o n 49381 or 020 7594 9381 The workshop will provide opportunities to share concerns and explore better ways of handling stress and anxiety during revision and exams.

A s w e l l as these talks various companies and organisations w e r e r u n n i n g stalls, w i t h s u c h diverse groups as the Teacher Training agency and Scientists for G l o b a l responsibility represented The organisers w e r e very pleased w i t h t h e turnout, a s over five h u n d r e d s t u d e n t s p a s s e d through the doors duri n g t h e afternoon - about t w i c e as many as last year a n d those that attended felt that it h a d been a useful and informative experience. Alex

e 1231 8 March 2002 Editor: w i l l Dugdale Deputy Editor: A l i s d a i r Wren N e w s & Sports: A l e x C o b y Reporter: J o h n Stratford M u s i c : Dave E d w a r d s Books: J o n M a t t h e w s A r t s : J o n Brenner F i l m : Darius N i k b i n C r o s s w o r d : Dr. Hot Fudge Comic: J W i t h Thanks To: Everything Felix, Beit Q u a d , Prince Consort Road, London, S W 7 2BB Tel: 020 7594 8072 E m a i l : felix@ic.ac.uk Felix is a registered newspaper: ISSN 1040 - 0711 Copyright © Felix 2002 Printed by: MCP Litho Limited

News In Brief University Challenge Imperial College w i l l take o n Sommerville College, Oxford in the final of t h i s year's University Challenge this M o n d a y at 8.00pm on BBC2. IC is looking for a record-breaking third w i n after its victories i n 1996 and 2001. A l t h o u g h the series w a s recorded last autumn, the team have been unable to reveal the result. Gladys' Closes Gladys', t h e much-loved St. M a r y ' s bar, w i l l close later today after serving drinks to medics at the Paddington campus for almost seventy years.

The b a r i s b e i n g closed to make w a y for the construction of n e w research facilities. Construction of a n e w student common room i s due to begin i n the next few weeks. Silwood Science Week Imperial's Silwood campus w i l l be opening its doors to the public next w e e k as part of National Science Week. T h e programme of events aimed at p r o m o t i n g t h e "excitement a n d relevance" of science w i l l include a 'Science i n the p u b ' evening featuring a discussion on genetic engineering. John S

l i s t e n SiKvev* Pxtss 'm:<s:£0Stsi James '-• u •= K Boss, Paul &*r,r>\. W««ifliok& Ca/i".i-.nC. n c k o i R

Setim

. .

•<•,,, -^o- w s a -. of Eastei: Baker w i n s a ticket lor the

' MOBS

Take our money and run.

Shell Personal Development Award You can use our £ 5 0 0 Personal Development Award for almost anything. You could take the money and further develop an existing talent in sport, music or the arts. You could use it to run a community project, plan an expedition, learn a language or do voluntary work. Whatever the project we can help you run with it. All we ask in return is that you come back and tell us all about it. The award is open to students of all disciplines, with the exception of final year students. Visit www.shell.com/careers for an application form or telephone 0845 600 1819. Using Question 11 of the application form, please describe how you would use your Shell Personal Development Award and what you expect to gain from it. Closing date for applications 26*' April 2002.

in • • • •. .•

sabbatical elections

Those Election Results In Full A l t h o u g h the results of the recent sabbatical elections were published i n a Mini-Felix Election Special, w e didn't have r o o m to print the full b r e a k - d o w n of results b y department a n d candidate. Here, each graph shows the n u m b e r of first r o u n d votes obtained b y each candidate a n d i n each department.

160

Top left: Sen Ganesh, current U n i o n President, w a s reelected w i t h his closest competitor being Idris Harding. Top right: The election for Deputy President (Finance & Services) w a s closely fought b e t w e e n the four competitors, and w o n b y Ramnath Ramanan. Centre: Will Dugdale w a s reelected as Felix Editor for a second term in the post.

Bottom Left: The position of Deputy President (Clubs & Societies) w a s uncontested and Nona Ahamat w o n easily over N e w Election at the ballot box. Bottom Right: The vote for Deputy President (Education & Welfare) w a s also uncontested, a n d A n d r e w Smith beat N e w Election decisively.

felix talk

Medic Union Update Goodbye Gladys' Tonight s t u d e n t s w i l l be s a y i n g a slurred farewell to the m u c h - l o v e d St M a r y ' s Bar. There have b e e n a series of events this w e e k to m a r k the closure of G l a d y s ' , g i v i n g s u p p o r t e r s of the bar a n opportunity to prop it u p one last time. King George V and Queen Mary opened the ' n e w ' St M a r y ' s M e d i c a l School b u i l d i n g i n 1933, w h i c h i n c l u d e d the s t u d e n t - d i n i n g hall, G l a d y s ' . Since then G l a d y s ' has b e e n the centre for m e d school life i n P a d d i n g t o n . It has b e e n a venue for concerts, s h o w s a n d , of course, cheesy b o p s . M u c h to the d i s a p p o i n t m e n t of the students a n d doctors, G l a d y s ' is b e i n g closed to m a k e w a y for n e w research facilities. The bar has b e e n kept o p e n this year t h a n k s to the h a r d w o r k of the bar committee a n d our bar manager, Katie S c h w a b . A l l t i c ke ts for tonight have b e e n s o l d w e l l i n a d v a n c e (well, it is half price drinks). I'm sure G l a d y s ' w i l l get the s e n d off it deserves.

C h a r i n g Cross Refurbishment O n the other s i d e of L o n d o n , i n H a m m e r s m i t h , t h i n g s are very different. The m u c h n e e d e d refurbishment of the C h a r i n g Cross student facilities looks set to be complete b y m i d M a r c h . W h e n the area is finally opened, students c a n expect a b r a n d n e w funky bar (or is it a pub?) a comfy cafeteria, a coffee area, a g y m a n d bop/dance area complete w i t h D J booth, stage and l i g h t i n g , and all the a s s o c i a t e d accoutrements! The project has b e e n split into t w o m a i n phases, as the £800,000 r a i s e d w a s only sufficient for the g r o un d floor refurb i s h m e n t . We hope to start the s e c o n d phase, w h i c h i n c l u d e s the toilets a n d b a s e m e n t , once further f u n d i n g has b e e n secured, so w a t c h out for n e w developments. G i v e n the n u m b e r of students n o w livi n g i n H a m m e r s m i t h , a n d the loss of the M a r y ' s bar, w e are all l ooki ng forward to the n e w facilities opening, and are especially l ooki ng forward to the b i g o p e n i n g party...

Medics Rag This year's M e d i c R a g W e e k has beaten all I C S M R A G records, r a i s i n g over £55,000. The R a g D a s h to E d i n b u r g h w a s a great w a r m up to the w e e k ' s events, r a i s i n g over £6,000. The w e e k itself i n c l u d e d Breakfast at Imperial's, I C S & M R A G G a m e s a n d the infamous Circle Line Pub C r a w l . London was i n v a d e d a l l w e e k b y h u n d r e d s of students in scrubs, completing various c h a l l e n g e s a n d c o l l e c t i n g l o a d s of money for C h i l d r e n w i t h C a n c e r a n d L e u k a e m i a . C o n g r a t u l a t i o n s to the R a g Team w h o w o r k e d i n c r e d i b l y hard for t h e last f ew m o n t h s , e s p e c i a l l y to H a y l e y Kirsop the R a g Chair. More news The n e w I C S M S U w e b s i t e is n o w up a n d r u n n i n g , complete w i t h the latest n e w s , contacts a n d p e r s o n a l preferences. Than k y o u to P h i l Ward, w h o has w o r k e d i n c r e d i b l y h a r d on s e t t i n g this up. C h e c k out w w w . s u . i c . a c . u k / m e d i c Shazia Munir, ICSM SU

President

Chaplaincy W h a t does w o r k i n g i n t h e C i t y do to people's h u m a n i t y ? "Being H u m a n i n the Square M i l e " - a talk gi ven i n the c h a p l a i n c y last weekkick s t a r t e d a few d i s c u s s i o n s . Victor Stock, priest of a c h u r c h at the heart of the city, gave his reflections on 15 years of l i s t e n i n g to stories of city dealers a n d financiers. The C i t y i n popular i m a g i n a t i o n is a place d r i v e n w i t h the n e e d to make money. It is a place w h e r e i n c r e a s i n g the numbers a n d m a x i m i s i n g profit on deals is the measure of s u c c e s s . Failure, a n d the fear of failure, is the s h a d o w side of this pursuit of s u c c e s s . There is the collective fear that " L o n d o n w i l l be e c l i p s e d by Frankfurt". T h e n there are the personal fears of failing i n the race to increase profit. So i n w h a t w a y s c a n true h u m a n success a n d failure be measured? W h e n the persona l fears of those at the top stifle the trust a n d i m a g i n a t i o n of everyone else the organisation becomes

a h e l l i s h place to be. Of course the C i t y offers the compensation of m a k i n g a great deal of money. One of Victor's interesting observations is the process C i t y workers go through w h e n they retire from the money b u s i ness in their forties. This premature age of retirement c o m i n g p a r t l y b e c a u s e there is no financial reason to carry on working. This raises the questions for people "what is my life about?" and "now that I have the freedom to chose w h a t to do w i t h my life w h a t am I going to choose?" Victor's role h a d b e e n that of h e l p i n g i n d i v i d u a l s to reflect u p o n these issues. These are questions for all of us but the daily pressures of w o r k a n d study c a n make it harder to encounter these ques-

We find m e a n i n g i n our

day-to-day,

face to face relationships. W i t h friends a n d good colleagues w e c a n be ourselves. A t the same time, however, w e are s u r r o u n d e d by millions of others. The vastness of the city offers extreme isolation a n d loneliness. Yet the anonymity also offers freedom to explore n e w options and w a y s of l i v i n g . This is also the d i l e m m a of student life i n a university. There is the freedom to explore identity but also the risk of b e i n g outside the group. There are also the options of stayi n g w i t h i n the l i k e - m i n d e d tribe or movi n g into n e w groups a n d contacts.

tions.

So, the q u e s t i o n p o s e d b y our speaker from the c i t y i s : "Is our h u m a n i t y e n r i c h e d or eroded b y the places in w h i c h w e live or the organisations in which we work?"

The City, so b u s y M o n d a y to Friday, is de s e r t e d on Saturdays and Sundays. It is an extreme example of the separation in u r b a n life of w o r k place and l i v i n g place.

For further being human March, 1 pm, L u c y Winkett

opportunities to reflect on join us on W e d n e s d a y 20th w h e n our guest speaker is from St.Paul's C at hedral.

F r i d a y Tuesday Wednesday 13f 8th ^ u n i o n 12th y

:play

UNION QUIZ NIGHT

2001 Perrier Award winner in Edinburgh

sponsored by

union djsiplay union djs:play

on stage from 10pm

souriD

NatWestf2>

3 H»

^munion djsrpiay

^*Sa5slMnD

R G IHT

8pm-2am Union/£1.50 Guests 7:30pm/FREE@the Prizes: £100 £1 £2 Union/£2.50 Guests Barbque in the Quad | | Friday Night Out 8:30pm/FREE@the union ^^Lg U Supported by

3/15

Union Building Beit Quad R . O . A . R .

Open noon-11pm Saji**^

felix talk

IC Radio - Learn To Mix Cheese, cheese, cheese, cheese, s p a m eggs and cheese. Cheesy Wotsits. Shaft. Discos. Rock solid, super potent, Blue Stilton potency cheese. Everywhere you turn, there's always cheese. No disrespect to cheese or anything, but you can get the impression at this university that cheese rules supreme, and while for a lot of people this is a happy state of affairs, for many others this is just one b i g turn-off., a component of the apathy that rules IC, just another reason to not bother. But is it really all that bad? I think not. Look below the surface, and you find that there is a whole w o r l d of stuff that has absolutely nothing to do w i t h cheese whatsoever. Take the Union for example. Sure, w e can take a glance at an ent and brand it 'cheese', but what of the chill-out room u p s t a i r s that so often accompany these drunken rampages in dBs? I've heard allsorts up there; prog house, d r u m 'ri bass, and all the breaks and hip-hop you could hope to squeeze between them. What about elsewhere? Explore a little

and you'll soon find something to suit your tastes. Take IC Radio, for example. The diversity of shows w e put out is huge. Tuesday nights give you Chilled w i t h Etienne and Guillaume; a great collection of everything you never k n e w existed, from quality French rap to dirty Drum 'n' Bass. Friday nights bring you Deep House w i t h Suvir, lots of lovely progressive stuff w h i c h follows on just nicely from my o w n show Evolution, where I give you my favourite prog house, breaks, and the odd spot of trance. E v e n amongst these pages, looking at the music and club reviews should be strong evidence that there are people here at IC whose primary musical and entertainment concern is not cheese. So take notice. Read, listen, get involved, and don't just p a w n yourself off w i t h 'it's all cheese'. L e a r n to M i x W h i c h brings me neatly on to my next little item. O n Wednesday, IC Radio is holding its first Learn to M i x session of the

year. It's your opportunity to try your hand at some b e a t m i x i n g w i t h professional turntables, and find out for yourself how it's really done. Whether you're a seasoned pro w i t h a few tricks up your sleeve, or totally n e w to the whole concept and have never touched a deck in your life, come along and join in. There'll be basic training and one-on-one guidance for the latter group, and those w i t h a little more knowledge can perhaps give us all a few tips. So get yourself along. You k n o w you want to. Chilled w i t h Etienne & Guillaume, Tuesdays 20:00 - 22:00 Evolution w i t h P h i l Stewart, Fridays 17:00 - 18:00 Deep House w i t h Suvir, Fridays 18:00 19:00 Learn to Mix, Wednesday 13th 15:00 evening. Phil

icradio www.icradio.com

Wine Tasting With ABV Do y o u s i m p l y d r i n k w i n e , or do y o u taste wine? A s part of the brand spanking n e w A B V Society (it's not a drinking club!), w e are proud to announce the reinstatement of Wine Tasting as the very core of your student social life at IC (well, maybe not... but it's still quite fun!). In case you missed it, "ABV" is the n e w R S C U club, a kind of bastard child of the Wine Tasting and Real Ale Societies, w i t h the addition of a n e w wing, dealing w i t h (sigh...) cocktails. Wine Tasting at Imperial is by no means a new thing, w e have had a very successful society for the previous 46 years building up a huge contact base of professionals positively yearning to impinge their knowledge (and alcohol!) onto our young and receptive minds. A l l good you may say, and w e w o u l d agree, but for reasons unknown the bureaucratic monolith that is IC Union decided that Wine Tasting falls into the "unacceptable funding" pigeon hole, resulting in the death of the society last September. So after

a period of silence on the W T front, enter the RCSU, astride a white horse offering just enough funding to overcome the inertia and get the society moving again. So, the first question you may ask is w h y go to all this hassle just to drink wine, w e don't need an excuse to get drunk, let alone one w i t h such pretentious connotations... I w o u l d first point out (and I cannot stress this enough), w e are not a society aimed at getting drunk! Anyone can drink wine, it's simply a case of tilting the glass and swallowing, what we aim to teach our members is the art of "tasting" the wine, a fantastic challenge requiring keen concentration, a good memory and a vivid imagination. Tasting involves plunging into the depths of the wine, unmasking a wealth of information and revealing an extra dimension to what is so often a routine event. In a usual wine tasting event, w e taste about 6-8 different wines of a specific theme (region, style etc.). The tasting is guided by an external expert, who introduces us to the

individual wines, explaining their characteristics and how they relate to the creational process. We aim to hold tastings approximately every t w o weeks, this should allow us to cover a wide range of styles of wine and provide our members w i t h a solid introduction to the world of wine. Tastings last approximately two hours and w i l l cost around six pounds (although w e do hope to do some for free, later on in the year). We also hold tastings of whisky, port and champagne, although these are seen as extras to our primary aim of tasting wine. If any of this interests you, our first event is to be held on the 12th of March, the unmissable "Introduction to Wine Tasting". You w i l l be told how to drink, how to smell, what to look at and which characteristics of a wine are important as we taste eight wines (4 red, 4 white) especially chosen to exemplify the differences possible between wines. For more information, go to www.su.ic.ac.uk/wine or join our WotNot mailing list.

S h o u l d the Imperial College UnionjointheNUS? (National U n i o n of

Ymm

Students)

MÂŠ

Monday, March 11 T h e G r e a t Hall/Sth K e n , 12:30pm

& Tuesday, March 12 Drewe Theatre/CX, 7:00pm

NUS debate

No To NUS O n Thursday a n d Friday next week, y o u w i l l be asked for the first time i n seven years whether y o u w a n t to take Imperial College back into the N a t i o n a l U n i o n of Students. Those of us i n the ever-growing 'No' campaign believe that s u c h a move w o u l d be detrimental to the life of students at Imperial College. This article tells y o u w h y y o u should vote 'No' to the N U S . M e m b e r s h i p w o u l d cost £35,000 per year - that's a 10% cut for your clubs and societies! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Sure, they might try to tempt us w i t h a discount in the first year, but after that it's at least £35,000 per year for membership - and that money is coming from the College's subvention to the Union. There's no more pots of gold in the Sherfield Building to bail us out - it's £35,000 less for your clubs and societies, union services, developments, n e w initiatives, academic representation and welfare. In real terms that's a 10% cut for all clubs and societies - do you think the Union will cut its staff and administration budgets before they cut yours? In short, Imperial College could affiliate to the NUS, or it could give a full grant to the Afro-Caribbean, Arabic, Bangladeshi, Chinese, Cypriot, E r a s m u s , French, German, Hellenic, Indian, Indonesian, Iranian, Irish, Italian, Japanese, Korean, Lebanese, Malaysian, Mauritian, Pakistan, Scandinavian, Singapore, Spanish, Sri Lankan, Taiwanese, Thai Soc, Choir, DramSoc, Jazz B ig Band, Jazz & Rock Soc, Leonardo Soc, M u s i c a l Theatre, Orchestra, Sinfonietta, Classical Guitar, Jazz Big Band, Abacus, A m n e s t y International, Artsoc, CathSoc, C h r i s t i a n Student Action, Christian Union, ConSoc, Debating, Environmental, Finance, Hindu, His People, IQ (LGB), Islamic, J e w i s h , Krishna Consciousness, Labour, Pimlico, Pugwash, Rocksoc, Science Fiction, Sikh, Student Industrial Society and Origami societies. It's your choice. "But we would get 'money back' through joining NUSSL!" Not strictly true. NUSSL is the bulk-buying group that would take over all the Union's bar, catering and shop purchasing. With their current price range (which is likely to change this year anyway) in the bestcase scenario the Union might gain £9,000 per year, but this w o u l d mean adding an

average of lOp to the price of every pint that works out as your entire beer budget for the first two weeks of term! A t the moment w e buy our beer through T U C O - another purchasing consortium w h i c h gives us low prices and good service. The suppliers that NUSSL uses have all been used by ICU in the past, and have always provided us with a bad service. Why join an organisation that makes us use suppliers w e don't like? It gets better! NUSSL want to tell you w h a t to drink - and they don't stock Carlsberg, L o w e n b r a u or Castlemaine X X X X - all best sellers in the Union bars! A n d just when you thought it couldn't get any worse - there w i l l be a severe restriction on the number of Real Ales that the Union can sell.

But guess what? That's not all, folks! NUSSL is obliged to stick to the NUS "ethical" policy, imposed by the NUS National Executive, w h i c h would prohibit us from selling things like KitKats. We believe that Imperial College students should be the only people who decide what gets sold in our Union's bars, shop and newsagent. "But w e could get national representation from the NUS." The , Yes campaign w o u l d have you believe that without the NUS, Imperial College students don't have a voice at a national level. They say that if nurses, teachers and farmers' have national bodies, then students should as well. We agree. But just as there are many different unions for all these groups of workers, so should there be for students. Does a student at Imperial College Europe's leading academic institution of science, technology and medicine - need the same representation as students w h o attend Merthyr Tydfil College? Why is it an advantage for you to be represented by the same people who represent technical colleges, or Further Education colleges?

Imperial College Union was one of the founder members of the A l d w y c h Group, a group of students unions from the so-called 'ivy league of universities in the UK. They take notice of us. Last year's ICU President, Hamish Common was Chairman of the A l d w y c h Group. It w a s Tasha Newton, an ICU President, who persuaded the top 12 universities and colleges to rule out top-up fees. W h e n the Dearing Committee on Higher Education Funding wanted to find out real students' views on student finance, did they go to a student body that's in the NUS? They didn't. They came to Imperial. 1

People want to know your views because you're students at Europe's equivalent of MIT. We don't need to pay £35,000 for that privilege. You get it w h e n you sign up. The Yes campaign w i l l tell you that the NUS introduced the L o n d o n Transport Discount Scheme. They didn't. The NUS hijacked it at the last minute, and the scheme has never been right since. Tuition fees in Scotland? They don't exist anymore. The Yes campaign w i l l tell you that the NUS were behind the abolition of fees, but the students who ran the campaign tell a different story. H o w many of the five Scottish universities who overturned fees were part of the NUS? One. The other four have been out for years. The NUS claim to be the only effective lobbying organisation in the country. In fact, they're the only student organisation in the U K that hasn't had a victory in four years. "But w e can get discounts from Top M a n and H M V if w e join!" A n d you can get discounts from Tower Records if you walk in there today w i t h your IC card. The power of an NUS card to secure a discount is getting weaker every year; in contrast, go for some retail therapy around London and you'll find that most shops that offer a "student discount" w i l l accept your IC card, your U L U card, your ISIC card - the list gets longer. Your Vote Counts. On Thursday and Friday you have a choice - a vote for an effective, value for money, campaigning body providing the services you need and much more - or a vote for the NUS. To learn more about w h y you should vote 'No' to the NUS, or to help w i t h the campaign, please visit our website at http://union.ic.ac.uk/no2nus/

debate NUS

Yes To NUS N U S - Discounts a n d a N a t i o n a l Voice A Note by D a v i d Francis, Deputy President (Education & Welfare), Imperial College U n i o n .

maintenance grant for students. You may have heard the recent announcement that Wales has followed Scotland in reinstating student grants. That now leaves England

On March 14th and 15th, you'll have the opportunity to change your experience of Imperial College. For the first time since 1995, Imperial students are being given a chance to join the National U n i o n of Students, the organisation w h i c h represents and achieves discounts for 98% of higher and further education students in the UK.

out of step. We need to make sure that the government recognises the hardship and unique needs of Imperial students.

NUS w o u l d provide direct benefits for every student at Imperial and for our union. The NUS card is the one nationally recognised proof of student status giving access to a wide range of discounts ranging from burgers to theatre tickets. This benefit package has been enhanced through the development of www.nusonline.co.uk On the site you w i l l find news, advice, information and access to a number of special offers. Sadly, Imperial students cannot currently access the discounts (for example 10% off all purchases from H M V ) as we're not affiliated. The services that NUS can offer our union range from high quality tailored training for our elected officers, through to access to discounted deals for our bars, catering and shops, via N U S Services L t d . (NUSSL); w h i c h means more income for our union and better prices for us. The reduction in costs w h i c h membership of NUSSL w o u l d bring has been calculated to be up to £25,000. Joining NUS w o u l d cost us £35,000 and to join NUSSL - this is optional, but only open to NUS affiliates - w o u l d be another £60. Peanuts considering I C U last year spent £45,000 on the wiring of the West Basement in Beit Quad (as opposed to a budget of £15,000) and £14,-000 on French Polishing the Union Dining Hall. What then does NUS offer other than discounts and cheap beer? Perhaps most important of all is national representation. The need for a national representative voice for students remains as great today as it was in 1922 w h e n the NUS w as founded. The recent growth in the student population has enormous implications for funding and for the nature and quality of the educational experience. NUS has been the one national voice calling consistently for the abolition of fees and the restoration of the

A t the moment w e are among the 2% of students in the UK without a national voice and a YES vote for NUS is the only w a y w e are going to be heard. Imperial College Union needs to be part of a strong National Union that is maintaining the pressure on government. NUS achieved a massive turnout and unprecedented press coverage in its national demonstration on 20 February. O w a i n James, the National President, got the message of student hardship broadcast to millions through the BBC, ITV Channel 4, Sky and many local news programmes. He even appeared on Richard and Judy!

NATIONAL UNION OF STUDENTS The government know that the present system is not delivering. Thanks to the hard work and targeted campaigning of NUS and students' unions across the country change is inevitable. It is up to us to vote YES to ensure that our voice is heard w h e n the decisions about just how the system will change are being made. 700 students' unions representing over 4 million people of all ages studying in universities and colleges, working together through NUS, have the collective strength to w i n change and to keep the student movement a force that must be listened to. NUS is more than a nationally recognised campaigning body. Professional researchers sit on a host of technical committees working behind the scenes to give a student view on issues such as quality assurance, careers services, student employment and training for lecturers. NUS have access to the heart of policy development and decision making; 98% of students' unions in the UK have access to this support. Imperial College's students do not. A n d there's more. NUS has a wide range of support and advice services for our union

and for students. They have specialist legal, housing, and student financial support advisors. They regularly produce briefings on a whole range of areas, ensuring officers are kept up to date w i t h changes in the law and involved in campaigns. NUS Ents negotiate w i t h bands and DJ's to provide free tours of the country. LSE's students can access this - w h y can't we? NUS is a democratic organisation, w i t h every union able to send representatives to their annual conference to make policy and elect the executive. What about the arguments of the "No" campaign? W h a t are their arguments against joining? Well, I've had a good look at their website and, apart from a lot of opinion there seem to be very few "facts". You do NOT have to declare a political allegiance to join the NUS. The current president w as elected as an Independent, and the largest political group - Labour Students - has only 6 out of 26 members of the national executive. While it w o u l d cost £35,000 per annum to affiliate Imperial could save £25,000 by joining NUSSL. The cost of £10,000 is a fairly small sum to find in our union, w h i c h has an annual i turnover of over £3.5million. It could be found in a variety of ways and certainly w o u l d not require beer prices to rise or clubs and society budgets to be cut. They say that NUS is so big it can't properly represent Imperial students w h e n it also speaks for students from across the UK. Surely we would be better off w i t h a strong national union representing us on national issues and supporting our union on local issues rather than I C U on it's o w n out in the cold? Teachers, farmers, police officers and doctors are all represented by national bodies, w h y should it be different for students? What motivates the "No" campaign? We note that this campaign is being led and run by union hacks that have failed to give Imperial students a choice on affiliation since 1995. Perhaps they like to feel isolated. Perhaps they don't care if w e have discounts or want us to have a national voice. NUS is the largest independent student organisation in the w o r l d providing a unique range of services and a strong voice for students; a voice that is heard where decisions are made. Your vote can make you part of that voice. On Thursday, 14 and Friday, 15 March, vote YES to NUS.

talk back J C R Chair Trauma

More N U S Talk

Dear Felix, Once again m y d a m n e d foolish conscience has made me speak out. I have discovered another w a y i n w h i c h whoever provided our college facilities failed to take into account that this is Imperial College and thus wasted funds. In this case, it is chairs. If you spend as much time taking coffee breaks in the J C R as I do you w o u l d notice the severe discrepancy between the number of chairs and the number of people sitting on them, small knots of people sit at one end of a row a n d perhaps another clique w i l l be at the other but i n between there are vast gaps of empty, apparently uninhabitable space. If you are now bored, rest assured, there is a point, this is not just a letter about chairs or even college inefficiency, it is about you people.

Dear Will, Fortunately I have been fairly w e l l isolated from ICU politics this year so I'm not sure if the points I am about to make have already been made, but if not I think it's about time someone said something to make ICU council and the Sabbaticals come to their senses!

Yes, it's true; IC has caught the London transport syndrome, the b u g that prevents two strangers from voluntarily sitting next to each other on the bus. N o w admittedly I've had bad experiences w i t h people w h o try to talk on the tube and as far as I'm concerned you're welcome to be suspicious of someone who might be carrying a knife or concealed bible out there in the real world, but i n the common room? The most you have to fear is being d r a w n into a discussion about complex integrals by a man w i t h an offensive beard, you are i n no physical danger, you never know, you might even enjoy the experience. In this w a y you can make n e w friends or discover people w h o can do your work for you. W h o knows, amongst the discarded coffee cups and polystyrene trays you might find love. OK, so that's going a bit far but I'm sure you understand what I'm trying to encourage. Throw off the shackles of science fiction addiction, tear yourself away from that computer game and interact w i t h real people. Talk without typing, make some of those sound waves you've been taught about and tell that guy just h o w much you love his beard. Pete

The next set of letters are all opinion pieces. I do not correct individual mistakes in letters, so bear in mind that what these letters say is not necessarily true: read the NUS features to find out more.

Referendums are expensive things. Indeed the budget for running the referendum is set at £2,000 - £1,500 for the cost of the people to sit on the ballot boxes and £250 per campaign! Is it just me that thinks that this is all a b i g waste of money since pretty much everyone is against it (including all the I C U presidents for the past 6 years). Even the current President, Sen, w h o suggested the referendum is arguing against it! I personally find it quite ironic that the biggest argument against joining the NUS is the cost of affiliation, yet ICU is wasting thousands of pounds just so that it can been seen to be democratic - I think on that score this years sabbaticals are closing the barn door well after the horse has bolted. On the subject of cost I would also liked to know w h i c h muppet w a s so disorganised to hold t w o sets of campus wide elections this year - one for sabbaticals, the other a referendum on the NUS. The cost could have almost been w i p e d in half if people had been asked to vote on both at the same time because you would only need to pay one set of people to sit on the ballot boxes! After all the cock-ups this year maybe IC could do w i th joining the NUS if only so there's someone to hold Council's hands and stop all of these stupid decisions! Yours faithfully, Tim Ex IC student

Dear Sir, I w o u l d like to point out a couple of points w i t h respect to the upcoming referendum on NUS affiliation. The main reason put forw a r d by the pro-campaigners seems to be that I w i l l be able to get a nice shiny NUS card w h i c h w i l l allow me to get nice shiny discounts at high street shops. However, I was under the impression that since IC is a college of the University of London, w e are all entitled to U L U N U S cards. It simply

entails us getting one at the freshers' fair or (heaven forbid!) actually going to the U L U building and applying for a card. Seeing as Union funding has already been cut for next year, I can see no real benefit to be gained from a £ 50.000,- affiliation to an organization w h i c h seems only to further the political career of its president and committee - money w h i c h w o u l d have to come from somewhere. However much the Union structure can be streamlined, the losers w i l l be the students in the end, as money is taken a w a y from student activites. Imperial has one of the best union club and society scenes i n the U.K., and some of the cheapest bars in London - let's keep it that way. Yours faithfully, J . Whitfield, Aero 2

Dear Sir, With the NUS referendum getting close, I thought I would like to bring up a few points that have been bothering me for a while. Joining the N U S w o u l d mean paying around £57,000 subscription next year (and this would most probably increase later). College is not prepared to give any more money to the Union and the money would therefore have to come out of the clubs and societies funding. In view of the already large drop in club funding this year (artsoc and many more!), I find it hard to justify the further drop i n funding that w o u l d be caused by the NUS. Joining the NUS w o u l d also mean handing over a lot of decision-making tasks to them, including the choice of our food and drink providers. This centralisation would mean a net increase in the price of drinks, especially beer, by not allowing us to choose the cheapest provider on the market. Student choice of chocolate w o u l d also be greatly restricted as the NUS does not tolerate Nestle products for example. A s for the benefits, w e l l you might get a reduction at your local cinema- if it didn't already accept your swipe card- w h e n you go home to see your parents and also cheaper clothes from Topshop. When it comes to student representation though, the NUS is being ineffective and apathetic. Other universities are increasingly thinking of leaving because their money is being squandered and the NUS is unaccountable. So what to do? Cinema reductions three

back talk times a year and few IC society events or affordable beer all year round? Besides, an NUS card is perfectly simple to obtain through U L U ! Give me a cheap pint, any day! Anonymous

East M e e t s Controversy

team, for the 2002-2003 quiz season, on Thursday the 14th of March, at 1pm, in Seminar Room 7B in the East Basement of the Union. This w i l l consist of a series of questions on all sorts of subjects, designed to test your potential as a contestant. The only constraint on you is that you have to be a student next year. A n y questions to l.kilford@ic.ac.uk. "Imperial, Kilford".

Dear Felix. I recently took part in East Meets West 2002 and the show w a s fantastic. However, the current I C U President w as there causing what seemed to be a hell of a lot of trouble over nothing. Dramsoc reported that Sen entered their control room and asked that the show be delayed. Bizarre. A s to the reasons, he himself said it w as because he wanted people to go home and not go to the aftershow party due to his 'fire-safety' concerns. I know, I w as there w h e n he said it. I find it hard to believe that the President d i d not know W E E K s in advance the numbers coming to see the show. Either he w as being completely incompetent or he came d o w n just trying to cause trouble. I find it disgusting that an official of the Union (indeed, the President) w o u l d come d o w n alone and prevent nearly 75 students entry to their o w n aftershow party. W h e n other officers of the Union came out to tell him that their must have been a miscount, he refused to believe them and still prevented entry. Does this not seem a bit irrational? I'm also surprised that Sen Ganesh had time to persecute the Indian Society there's me thinking he had a constitution to re-draft. Samit Ahir There were two other letters written that were very similar to this, so-have not been included due to space.

Mentally C h a l l e n g e d Have you been w a t c h i n g University Challenge on T V this year? Thrilled at the daring escapades of the four intrepid crusaders as they see off the challenges from all comers? Thought that you could do better? Well, you now have a chance to do even better. There w i l l be hustings for the ' n e w *

Gardening Hour Dear Felix, Due to remarks by the Rector (reported in issue 1225), it w as brought to our attention that Garden Hall w i l l be sold soon. To the best of our knowledge Montpellier and Brabazon w i l l also be closed and w e question the logic of closing cheap accommodation close to college. The lack of information from the Union to the student body suggests that the Rector has their full support. The Union is meant to be an open institution that informs and explains both their o w n and college's decisions - decisions which affect the student population now and in the future. However, they are pre-occupied arguing amongst themselves over issues the majority of students don't know and don't care about. The closure of Garden Hall and others w i l l affect the student population, and ultimately the colleges' (both in terms of reputation and research), negatively. The logic behind closing a hall on campus evades us. Having to commute to college will isolate first year students from both the Union and college, reducing their participation in activities and their degrees. Not all students can afford the high price of single en-suite rooms - especially w i t h the added costs of travel on the increasingly expensive underground. Garden provides cheap accommodation to a large number of students who would not other be able to attend Imperial. Is Imperial going to become Yuppy Central? Of the 84 students at Garden Hall, most of the students that live in shared rooms thoroughly enjoy the experience. Not only do overseas students (who already pay ÂŁ12,000 in fees) find it cheaper to stay at Garden, but they also find it easier to mix w i t h British students. There is nothing like sharing a room to get to know someone from a different culture.

Why are college planning to sell a hall that has just been renovated to renovate another? Why not sell Beit in 5 years to refurbish the other halls? Garden is the most luxurious hall in college and looks stunning inside and out. If you don't believe that, take our challenge and visit. This invitation is extended to union officers, college management, estates, or anyone else involved w i th the closure. Al l we have been informed of is the closure of the hall, without any solid reasons. Al l we ask of the college and Union is to give us an explanation of w h y they plan to do this. From our viewpoint, it is certainly no good for the students, and surely the Union, and hopefully the college, is here for the students? Or is ranking higher than other colleges in terms of research becoming a higher priority? A h m e d & Jude (Garden Hall Residents)

Health Concerns Dear Felix, I am writing to complain about the IC Health Centre. Last week I had a spare hour one morning and, needing a consultation with a doctor, decided to go along to the O p e n Clinic' in the morning. I k no w I'm not registered w i t h a doctor there, nor w i t h a doctor in London, but should be able to see a doctor as a temporary visiting patient. Upon asking if I at reception if I could be seen in the Open Clinic, I w as told I had to register w i t h a doctor at the Health Centre. I then informed the receptionist I didn't w i s h to register at this moment in time, and only needed a short consultation w i t h a doctor. After asking my postcode (N7), she informed me that I w as in their catchment area and therefore H A D to register if I wanted to see a doctor. The last time I checked w i t h a G P in my family, no person has to register w i t h a doctor to see one, but it is preferred if the patient is staying in the area for a long period of time. According to Health Centre literature, they recommend patients should register w i t h them "if they are staying in the area for over three months.". Last time I checked, an eleven week term is shorter than three months, and most undergraduates go home for the summer. Regardless of this fact, N7 is about 45 minutes away from South Kensington, so if

talk back I were to register w i t h a doctor, I think I would register in N7 - if I were too ill to go to college and needed to see a doctor, I doubt I'd want to travel 45 minutes by tube to college to see one. A n d if I ever fell ill while at college and needed to see a doctor I certainly hope one w o u l d see me even if I were not registered. If someone gets a summer internship and works out of t o w n for the whole summer, I doubt they w o u l d register w i t h the doctor in the area. But I could guarantee they w o u l d be able to see a doctor if they asked at the local surgery or health centre.

point out that I w as always planning to submit this letter, regardless of the result.

of students, especially those in Biology, did not even kno w where their ballot box was.

Throughout the whole election process, the conduct of the returning officer and his

I could not believe my ears w h e n the elections committee decided to blame us, the candidates, for the low turnout, claiming that it w as due to the fact that many of us had spent only a small proportion of the available publicity budget. It is d o w n to the committee to publicise these elections. A candidate, and only a candidate, should decide how much of his/her budget to spend. From the results, it seems that there is no link whatsoever between publicity a n d victory. Besides, the turnout w a s greater than last year, w i t h over 10% of students voting. Finally, how can the elections committee possibly criticise us after M r Francis' terrible h a n d l i n g of the whole affair? I am fully aware that I signed a piece of paper saying that the election w as con-

elections committee left m u c h to be desired. To start with, all the dates were changed, w h i c h w as not only extremely inconvenient for those involved, but it also meant that voting w o u l d begin just one day after the South Kensington hustings. A s a result, Felix w as unable to cover hustings before the start of voting.

H o w Not To...

The hustings at Wye were a complete farce. They were due to begin at 6.30pm, and so our returning officer, in his infinite wisdom, decided to leave South Kensington at 4.45pm. We eventually arrived over an hour late. One of the two minibuses turned up about 15 minutes before the other, and so the two other candidates for the position of Felix editor spoke and received questions before the minibus I w as in had even arrived. Surely this was unfair, and David Francis should have waited until all the candidates for a particular post were present.

Firstly, I w o u l d like to congratulate you on your victory in this year's sabbatical elections. I am certain that you w i l l keep doing a good job as Felix editor, and I am delighted to continue working w i t h you. M a y I also

Mr Francis' article in Felix regarding the Single Transferable Vote system was factually incorrect and could have misled students. The positioning of the ballot boxes for medical students meant that it w as either very difficult or impossible for many such students to vote. A significant number

So I ask w h y w as I denied the opportunity to see a doctor at the Imperial College Health Centre? I am after all an Imperial College Student, and am also entitled to NHS treatment. If you have been denied service at the Health Centre please write in because this is not on. Regards, Tom Ternent ISE2

Dear Will,

^ c^ I

stitutional. I did not complain at the time because, for reasons including the effect of the election on my degree, the last thing I wanted w as for the whole thing to be rerun. I am certain that many people involved w i t h the election process w i l l agree w i th my comments, including most, if not all, of the candidates. Action should be taken against those involved, if only to prevent a similar situation occurring next year. Yours &c. Dave Edwards, M u s i c Editor

evneotby Imperial College S„ (vegetation) Venue: Impew , ' intellectually D i £ ^ C ^« ltt

>'/7

%% 6

'y. e* Pnr* OUs

a r o u n d

Z% ^

Hyde P a r k S e r p e n * *

W*'^Jc*&# e givenaway. T a n o r * 789 7 0 2 1 t i r a t a n ® ^ b

lent

1 i i h i r

,IS

IJtL

I i

11 w

111. .1, M O J i&i 1

m a r c h

8:30

b A R

]£>

T O 10F=M

P K O M O T I O N S 8PM

to* V«ne«"* — Cafe w —

T O 10F=M

•* imperial college BARS

this week l ' H . W M A N

C H A L L E N G E S

¥1)1'

Friday

M a r d i 18th, # . I C E 2 : 0 0 'till 1 1 : 0 0

Student Activities

Union Events

»- 5

Weekend

Kandy

Goat Wars

Not to be confused w i t h Sandy. W h i c h is w h a t happens w h e n you get d o w n a n d d i r t y on a beach. Oh, actually remarkably similar, come to think of it.

Several t e a m s of students genetically engineer mutant w a r goats, a n d p i t t h e m against one another i n a freakish battle to the death of goat-oriented power.

Grease

Syncing ,

M u s i c a l Society people get; 'covered in oil end i , ' , , ; > ' ! ' ii tiie pursuit of being a fish-vixen, i have no idea h -1. 1 <.•.••

Put tilt) ' poles,.. iB ••>' ground,

a n d t h e n tie

b a r b e d 'wire.'to it. Sorry, that '.'=!' t o o obvious, and "I apologise. "Party, Lemijeftbychei Union. Con cert Ha U, • • / ish d8&, ail day $st: blimey..

At The Movies

I C U D r a m s o c Presents:

"... a perfect e x a m p l e o f B r i t i s h farce" - D a i l y M a i l

W e d n e s d a y 1 3 - F r i d a y 15 ' M a r c h ,h

Gigs & Concerts

" O ne man, two wives, two coppers and a t a x i . "

Television & Radio

Run for your Wife

1 1

Doors Open: 7.15pm Performances : 7.30pm

T i c k e t s : £5.00

Bad Jokes

U n i o n Concert Hall C o n c e s s i o n s : £3.00

G o s f o r d Park

Ali

I w a s having dinner at this lovely country house, a n d someone suddenly got murdered. A n d there w a s sex too. A n d all before luncheon. Not i n my day.

Yes? Oh, sorry... Yeah, I thought I'd roll out that hilarious chestnut once a g a i n for the w h o l e three people w h o actually get it. I'll t e l l a knock-knock joke next...

u n i f r , •, l.o , It:!!!,' 1 like the idea - far lunij •i i i Empire tuning in to The , i. i , [I ih-i ,i M

Boob id . t "JIM, to" dedicate the rest of thiis .row - notoifaat much space, admittedly, now I've jim . on - i . great shows-, you;' oat; get on your wireless from K2 to

Shane M c G o w a n The former Pogues frontm a n is reportedly 11% p s y c h o s i s , 35% talent and 134% proof. A model for a l l students, t h e n . Unmissable, methinks. The Forum, 8.30pm

Bob The B u i l d e r : In Concert

imperial

*•» coils;cis?

Bob. The less-than-reliable c o w b o y construction entrepreneur w i t h a predeliction for hit pop singles. In concert. Uh... London Arena, 10:30 am

H e w does a c o w swb- A . g « y w a l i a citato a b a r i - , .J>.': w i i l i b i s '8jtrs*f#, T h a W i t h a cowotilator. b a r t e n d e r ••"<•. • «»• - •>' angrily, "Excuse me, In :•>. dead end. but y o u can't leave that v.. i ' , nkr. l y i n g there. 1

like a bucket? •

i • .guise.

"1 '.'

•

' • it, "It's |0,

week this

Monday

Tuesday

Goat Wars E x t r e m e

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

C h e e s y Wotsits

Pik-a-boo

Comedy Night Supersonic smelly genitals, to H a w h a w h a w h a w h a w The U n i o n w i l l p a y for a fact it m a y be identical, Rob a n d Benny to you. some people. Smelly h a w haw. R i c h a r d trip on Concorde to N e w Similar to Goat Wars. In A night of R'n'B. That's Or

but

different T h e y ' l l be performing a genitals. Not to be con- Ayoade.

it's got a

name to try a n d attract modern dance interpre- fused

with

smelly h a w

H a w h a w h a w York

haw

for anyone

haw. Oh, turns

who

u p . A n d if y o u

stupid people to w a t c h - tation of this very diary

sportsmen. The distinc- please stop. No more. b e l i e v e that... Can't ing re-runs of boring tel- section. No, only joking, tion becomes less clear H a w h a w h a w h a w h a w think of anything else to it's music. evision. after ten pints. h a w haw. Ha. say. A l t e r a i s i w . M y f to

dacigiieg r i n d

I , i , caedi; resist tee 'fid.

"Cine

f .

:•<

Basis •:. y

p. . two vetoes, T h i n k you're clever, eh? o > „ , ,e a i Aitoiraatroo'to roeta pea- dling w i t h balls' 'jag. or t w o W e l l you're probably - v , .-, h a p s d tferf;airil«;oioidaiy 'i'd!. vmmti\:y, .Jush,:leesao' .oi daddd a d i p , • sways ' , , " , . ' > ! eaaase go: are' • . k b y audialone.' 'like cop of i.oo.. p o p s i ' d a a 1 these :oaaups fiOOd; sees > eo top M a y b a I'd m o w • onto '"i • • o*; ,\ Cheap . next Like

: ••I'.ud:'otrooe.

;

Maruo a a a s t eespoberp

of nidi i d is oftas ePo F o.a.s

o' Bo, Spa'..

d'eidefieiJiMs

.Hoora,

Studero,; , •. • • : to

go .ore

younq

.r.r, ,

a •

o i >o i i, >

the., wire-

•

shouting

foul

peaoe foopo.oe- •.'•'}:"'

obscee- •

Umon CometViMl,

Kent, All Weekend

••;. . - r .iters... • : • Seminar fioom 7b. 1pm

Charlotte G r a y F e l l o w s h i p of t h e R i n g Ocean's E l e v e n We Were Soldiers Whatever y o u do, don't I'm t r y i n g to be funny A p p a r e n t l y this w a s a Not us here at Felix mention the war. I d i d a about this, but as you pretty m i s e r a b l e film Towers, of course. It's few minutes ago, b u t I can tell, I'm not really i n last time they tried, but the name of the film.

••

g o a t i sh

' soon.

Goat The

holds

barred

account of three goats i n a dramatic battle w i t h a

think I got a w a y w i t h it. the mood. This film is o n it d i d n ' t have George A b o u t soldiers. Or at If you don't get the refer- lots a l l over the place - Clooney i n then, so it least they w e r e once. ence, watch F a w l t y I'm sure y o u c a n find it can't have been good, Rated 18 for containing Towers instead. somewhere nearby. but it is now. So there. Australians.

the goats are too clever...

More Porn

British News l u r p R s w f j fftoaacla p . ofiiea: ,A sdteotiop of gripping,' Yet, onore f S i n >, 'Mewahooo*. : dr'Ms f d i s aediaiip • r o l e vent; n e w s n e w s e aids t i m e w i t h ' a

First'

up,

*-n Let's (•••

troll w h o lives under the bridge,

w h o is

deter-

mined to eat them. But

> r o s t a - A n d wcet, b e t t e r w a y to •' • > -ely to Kick o i l . . n e w n e w s apparently a., w h o l e aiota 'frnra Britain,,.SoamodspuP f S u r o p e a e . s l a n t from the, be h u n t i n g pornography free pe _ aOoOpa saoa of n e w s , 'doaxpewftoie asrossehe wo.rkl AM 6i.lt. oh, h e l l , i i i s i . y o u i remote ooetroi w a U . h i e p t h e News around sitee y i p b s i Bloody marvellous. 1 say. •Does poffl eou.ni: ', o i i -mg to • dose . o n e , I •BBC.'-.- World. ftilvaco, it AinaoiOi.g,. . . M ' . . " ^ surely? 'loody- say! Oh,,. :

0 P' e -a iniddpw:'''

Worid-Service, right?

Ian B r o w n Idlewild Mower Yet another bloody g i g Top Scottish alternative Dangerously lo-fi noises from the monkey-faced rockers I d l e w i l d roll into from G r a h a m C o x o n's monkey m a n from the K C L o n the first w e e k of (yes, he of Blur) pro-

New Flesh Vagina Monologues Now, to me, that sounds Sadly, a s h o w rather like the waistline of a t h a n a n a l l g i r l post-

The TV • OB Watch it.

newly-porked-out celebriN orth of E n g l a n d , w h e r e their n e w tour, w i t h a tegees on his Transcopic ty bloater. But i n fact, they a l l dress l i k e c r a c ki n g n e w L P more of label. G o a n d damage they're a top hip-hop act chimps. Bah. this here, please. your hearing. from up north. So there. Shepherd's Bush Empire KCU, 8pm Monarch, 8pm. £6.00 Camden Monarch, 8pm

punk pop act, possibly

Wfiat

,t' H a v e y o u h e a r d t h e one T h e n there w a s the g u y W h a t s green a n d w a l k s about the w i t c h ' s ado, i i ' o edd a. -? • get a kick out f ,• n• broom? < <ar .eo • e > glass oendly A n e u t r o n w e n t i n t o a B;'S n< a i so;/ t o o Pickle. , t f' e d i i

Wtefc do

bar a n d a s k e d ,

,Ji'»;,l' '„;,;.'

. i.

say to t h e footballer?

y i i

How How

m u c h for a beer? TliO

For you, no charge.'

can you make a

s l o w horse fast? ',o

.all 'dorr;

, , oar

Don't give h i m anything look w h a t '• ;,••••<•"..< he to oat, A stick.

that k?

dressed

only

in OXO

aprons

and

fishnets.

Still, a m a n has to have a dream, eh...

food:

i . - , call a 3«

ptitpiis

named

aiisogaoo

F r e d w h o has

acme a n d is scasaaP of

woods, Fred Bhw

<•'

•ai

keep • 0?

music reviews

Departure L o u n g e

Hoobastank

B e v e r l e y Knight

Too Late To Die Y o u n g

Hoobastank

Who

Out now on Bella Union

Out now on Mercury

records

The British four-piece return w i t h a pop record produced b y French D J a n d multiinstrumentalist K i d Loco. Too Late To Die Young is the third Departure Lounge album a n d the follow-up to their instrumental project Jetlag Dreams. Tim Keegan, singer a n d songwriter, appeared on last year's K i d Loco record Kill Your Darlings, a n d the co-operation b e t w e e n the t w o helps to extend the dreamlike atmospheres developed on the band's first t w o albums. We c a n still find sensual melodies a n d s w e e t choruses (I Love You), even if w e also discover a n e w groovy element (King Kong Frown). The most interesting tracks are those where the emphasis is p l a c e d on the i n s t r u m e n t s rather t h a n the vocals. Many, s u c h as the pretty s c h e m i n g Tubular Belgians In My Goldfield a n d the bluesy Coke and Flakes, could have been w ri t t en for film soundtracks. A n d w h a t about the rest of the record? Actually, it's not b a d . Quite good, i n fact, but something has bothered me after each listen. The tracks s o u n d good, but perhaps too good: the production seems too careful. A s a result, the a l b u m sounds too pop a n d too "easy l i s t e n i n g " for me. Indeed, Departure Lounge don't create a very innovative style of music. I w o u l d prefer more bugs i n the production and less perfect pop songs (What You Have Is Good is catchy but not really exciting). In conclusion, if you enjoy beautiful, classic pop music, t h e n don't w a i t - run and buy this record! But if you are interested i n m u s i c a l discoveries a n d n e w sounds, t h e n y o u might w a n t to try something else...

Frangois

I Am

Out this Monday

records

I u s e d to be into metal. M a n y moons ago, before I came to university, I w e n t to Sepultura concerts; the whole lot. Luckily i n m y o p i n i o n , this affliction d i d n ' t progress to its final stages. After many years of listening to house music a n d the like, the closest I have come to metal of late is a Travis C D - not exactly Slayer's Reign In Blood, I think you'll agree. Still, the rise of poorly-spelt nu-metal has not escaped me. One thing that differs about metal i n more recent times is the number of w o m e n w h o like it. Back in the day, concerts were like Elec E n g socials, but n o w the numbers are almost even. Only today, I overheard a couple of teenage girls excited by the fact that Slipknot were on the cover of Metal Hammer. Quite h o w they k n o w that a m a n w h o is only seen i n public w e a r i n g a mask is "gorgeous" is beyond me. But w h a t has all this got to do w i t h Hoobastank, you ask. Well, Hoobastank rock b i g time. From the opening chords, displaying the fantastic crunch tone that bedroom guitarists spend thousands tryi n g to imitate, you k n o w that this album is going to be special. The vocals may not be up to Pavarotti standards, but w h o cares w h e n the rest is so good?'There's nothing particularly complex or subtle i n their arrangements, but they set out w i t h the sort of muscular punky rock style that just speaks for itself. There hasn't been a better n e w rock

on Parlophone

records

The self-assured ambassador for W o l v e r h a m p t o n ' s almost non-existent m u s i c scene returns w i t h this l o n g awaited, slickly produced follow-up to Prodigal Sista. Who I Am is one of the most promising albums I've heard this year, full of emotion a n d character. However, it is unable to reach the higher echelons of the hall of fame of m u s i c a l royalty. The opening track is the brilliant Get Up, w h i c h h a d me d a n c i n g i n circles due to its infectious rhythms and seductive vocals. I don't w a n t it to end. Track two, the likeable, mature recent single Shoulda Woulda Coulda, begins i n a manner similar to that of the excellent Turin Brakes on their inspirational track The Underdog. W h e n the chorus kicks in, pleasant guitar s t r u m m i n g and Knight's soulful voice b r i n g an almost mediocre set of lyrics to life. It is w h e n R & B sensibilities take hold that this album is immensely appealing. Unfortunately though, this doesn't happen very often. Highlights include Beautiful Contradiction, w i t h its soaring vocals, a n d the smooth, s l o w R & B n u m b e r Hurricane Jane. E r y k a h B a d u ' s influences come through effectively on the g o s p e l - t i n g e d Same, a n d Whatever's Clever features Misteeq-style vocals. Who I Am is Knight's best work, built

b a n d since Therapy? If there is any sort of justice i n the world, Hoobastank w i l l be crowned kings of nu-metal and show those upstarts L i n k i n Park h o w it really should be done.

upon strong lyrics a n d a very powerful voice. The chart success of the first t w o singles, Get Up a n d Shoulda Woulda Coulda, suggests that this may be the a l b u m that b r i n g s her m u s i c to the masses.

Alex

Sajini

reviews music INTERVIEW with Beverley Knight Beverley Knight's n e w a l b u m Who I Am is released on M o n d a y (see review, left), a n d she is currently touring the U K w i t h Jamiroquai (a live review w i l l appear i n Felix soon). F E L I X : T h i s a l b u m is v e r y different f r o m Prodigal Sista. W h a t i n s p i r e d t h e changes? B E V E R L E Y : This a l b u m is different a n d progressive. There are some overlapping points w i t h Prodigal Sista, but this album is deliberately broad-based to reflect my creative influences. I w a n t e d to reflect my m u s i c a l background. H o w do y o u t h i n k people are g o i n g to receive y o u r a l b u m ? The a l b u m is all about moving forward a n d I feel really good about it. I don't think it w i l l be a shock to my fans. People understand progression, a n d I feel that my fans are g r o w i n g w i t h me. You've b e e n d o i n g a lot of collaborations recently. H o w do y o u decide w h o to w o r k w i t h ? Well, w i t h Jay K, he asked me to work on his album a n d support him on the tour. J a m e s Poise connected me to M u s i q u e Soul Child. W h a t w a s it l i k e w o r k i n g w i t h M u s i q u e S o u l C h i l d ? He's very easy to w o r k w i t h . M u s i q u e comes across shy but he's always l a u g h i n g at my accent. D i d y o u w r i t e a l l t h e songs o n the a l b u m ? A r e y o u t a l k i n g about people y o u k n o w w e l l or are a l l the songs about y o u ? A l l my songs, except Falling Soldier w h i c h is about Steven Lawrence, are usually about me a n d are quite personal. They're also about people I know. W h e n I wrote the album, I w a s coming out of a long-term relationship, so I h a d to be myself and stand strong. For instance, Shoulda Woulda Coulda is very m u c h about that relationship, a n d there w a s a lot of p a i n associated w i t h that. I h a d to put all that emotion d o w n . W h a t i n s p i r e d Get Up? Get Up w a s the first single from the album, a n d it w a s a call to arms. It w a s also about personal identity, w i t h the dancehall influence. I'm really g l a d it d i d so w e l l i n the charts. Do y o u t h i n k U K R & B gets the k i n d of success it deserves? It's difficult d o i n g R & B i n the UK. For me, the biggest prejudice is culture. People think that unless it's c o m i n g from A m e r i c a , any R & B tune is just not good enough. Do y o u t h i n k U K R & B is b e c o m i n g " m o r e garage"? I don't know, but I have done some garage remixes. I don't intend to move to garage though, for exactly the same reason w h y I don't do house - it's not me! C a n y o u t e l l m e w h a t i n p u t y o u have r e g a r d i n g y o u r m u s i c videos?

LIVE: Bubba Sparxxx + Princess Superstar + Dilated Peoples @ Astoria The evening ends w i t h the c r o w d bottling the stage in disgust at B u b b a S p a r x x x ' s premature exit. He's only been on stage for fifteen minutes. Granted, they were fifteen excellent minutes, racing through of half a dozen tracks from his debut album and culminating w i t h an excellent version of Ugly, but given that the album is eighty minutes long, there's no excuse.

It might have been forgivable if Sparxxx (pic above) hadn't made us w a i t for three quarters of an hour after D i l a t e d Peoples left the stage. On the other hand, he w a s still easily the highlight of the evening - w hi le Bubba's problem w a s that he didn't stay on stage for long enough, Dilated's w a s that they should have departed long before they finally d i d . W i t h boring, weak beats and weaker lyrics, they're everyone's indie rap nightmare. A d d i n repeated attempts to see w h i c h side of the audience can shout louder a n d you've got a very dull forty-five minutes.

W h i c h leaves P r i n c e s s Superstar. Before the gig, I'd half written her off as a lame N e w York ironist w i t h a couple of OK tunes, and this performance d i d nothing to change my opinion. Problem number one: her beats are weak. Like so many, she seems to think that she c a n get away w i t h nondescript production because her rhymmg's so good. But it doesn't work for

I don't have as tight a reign as I w o u l d like to - except for the Get Up video. I w a n t e d people to see me perform live. In my next video [Shoulda Woulda Coulda], I try to put the song across in a non-cheese way. So w h a t are y o u d o i n g next? Well, I'm going on tour w i t h J a y Kay, then I'm headlining my o w n tour - I'll be touring the U K for 10 days.

hold our attention. But the real difficulty is problem three: she just doesn't have the whole sex thing d o w n at all. Unlike Madonna, or even Britney, she hasn't realised that m a k i n g the occasional reference to being "kinkier t h a n pubi c h a i r " isn't enough to make you a sex symbol. Give me L i ' l K i m any day.

Koram

Tcbv G

" r e a l " rappers, and it certainly doesn't work for her. Problem two: her voice is weak. She lacks authority a n d doesn't even

music reviews

LIVE: Mull Historical Society + Minuteman @ Scala

LIVE: Fonda 500 + Edible 5ft Smiths @ Metro

The Scala w a s p a c k e d out this evening, w i t h hundreds upon hundreds of C o l i n M a c l n t y r e ' s fans cramming themselves into the venue to see the legendary m a n himself. First though, w e were administered w i t h a dose of M i n u t e m a n , probably to make sure that w e were all suitably sedated before M u l l Historical Society came on stage.

Two q u i d fifty for a bottle of Stella? This is w h y w e don't go to gigs on Oxford Street. But E d i b l e 5ft S m i t h s are mental. After a r u b b i s h first number, they get into the s w i n g : Christmas Song starts as an angular thrash reminiscent of The Fall, then turns into the Beach Boys' C h r i s t m a s album, then, sadly, into a Coldplay-style indie ballad. It's like this all through the set as the band, w i t h an anorexic Steve Tyler of a frontman, lurch from one m u s i c a l extreme to another. One track sounds like It's Not Unusual w i t h more thrashy bits. Another could be The Byrds in a b a d light. The whole t h i n g finishes w i t h the inevitable apocalyptic finale and then some echoey w a i l i n g for good measure.

M i n u t e m a n were consistently disappointing. They started off every song w i t h something extremely promising, but unfortunately each track soon degenerated into a bland, incomprehensibly forgettable m i s h - m a s h of randomly selected guitar riffs and moany, w h i n y vocals. The N i r v a n a w a n n a b e s treated us to a whole set of b r a i n w a s h i n g l y boring tunes.

Take one mole of cheesy pop, dissolve it in some rocking guitar riffs, stir in any instruments you can find (from flute to steel drums) and a d d a spatula full of a m a n w i t h a mission to put his home on the map. Watch the fireworks and then admire the finished product - M u l l H i s t o r i c a l Society. The crowd, although slightly d r o w s y from the w a r m - up act, were more t h a n ready. C o l i n (pic above) gave it his best, bringing out the choirboys again for a proper rendition of Instead and practically s m a s h i n g up the stage. The set w a s absolutely blinding, and everyone w a s excited to hear three n e w songs from the second album. Of course, Colin also pulled all the old tricks out of the bag, causing riotous pogo-dancing w i t h the latest single Watching Xanadu and almost leaping into the c r o w d while singing Barcode Bypass. A t the end, everyone w a s e l b o w i n g each other in the face as they tried to grab one of the inflatable sheep released from the ceiling. One girl nearly threw me to the floor in her (failed) attempt to retrieve a feather boa from the stage.

M i s t y ' s B i g A d v e n t u r e play desperately shit, cheesy gimp-athon music. They're like the worst, most corny hippy b a n d from Glastonbury w h o get " h i g h on life" instead of on good honest LSD. They wouldn't be completely out of place p l a y i n g in a market t o w n on a Saturday morning, w i t h hideous inbred yokels laughing at the colourful costumes. They h a d a guy d a n c i n g i n a suit w i t h gloves stuck all over it. Whoa, trippy, man...

Fonda 500 (pic above) are doggedly unremarkable. By now, I've managed to get fairly drunk, even w i t h these ridiculous prices, and still none of their songs penetrate the beery fug w i t h sufficient panache to be memorable. Shame, for the b a n d seem so nice - the singer has a big hat w i t h furry ears, and the bassist is k i n d a cute in a Chrissie Hynde sort of way. She i s , her flat mate writes in my notebook, "the coolest girl ever". E v e n cooler, apparently, than K i m Deal or K i m Gordon.

A l l in all, a very decent night, but if you're planning on going to an M H S g i g and standing near the front, make sure you're equipped w i t h full riot gear.

Jesus, have I really come to Oxford Street to cover a gig? Or am I just w a n d e r i n g around in a drunke n frenzy of some kind? Fonda 500 continue to be stunningly average throughout. A s their lead singer told us, "anyone can do t h i s " .

Jess

Raoul Duke & Dr Gonzo

reviews music O U T THIS W E E K The following are due lor release on M o n d a y 11 M a r c h : ALBUMS B I F F Y C L Y R O - Blackened Sky B E V E R L E Y K N I G H T - Who I A m SIX BY S E V E N - The Way I Feel Today T E L E P O P M U S I K - Genetic World SINGLES B U F F S E E D S - Barricade M C L U S K Y - To H e l l W i t h Good Intentions LOST P R O P H E T S - The Fake Sound Of Progress R H Y T H M M A S T E R S - Ghetto S H A G G Y & A L I G - Julie

• Singles Roundup S H A G G Y & A L I G (pic above) - J u l i e I w a s going to start the review w i t h an A l i G " A h " , but then everyone w i l l do that, won't they? So w h a t can I say about this song? Well, it's A l l G, and if you like h i m then you're going to love this track just for the comedy value. Shaggy doesn't do much, apart from his customary nonsensical rap. A l i ' s not as clever as he u s e d to be, but this is funny stuff.

Oscar

B R A N C A C C I O & A I S H E R - It's G o n n a Be (A L o v e l y Day) Yet another classy house track from The Annual 2002. A s usual, it's done the rounds in the clubs for ages before finally being released. W i t h a sample from C & C M u s i c Factory, It's Gonna Be does the job but isn't particularly memorable. Track three, the Bedrock vocal mix, provides an interesting take on the original, w i t h a slightly more chilled-out vibe.

Dave G O L D R U S H - Pioneers E P Goldrush's label-mates include The Rock Of Travolta, Dustball and Six Ray Sun, a n d so I w a n t e d to like this E P a lot. But that proved impossible from the very first note. G o l d r u s h s k i m the tiresome, emotionless s c u m off the surface of the w e a k lemon drink that is pseudo-Stereophonies stodge-rock and pass it off as "alt-country", m a k i n g Blue sound like A p h e x T w i n in comparison.

A T H L E T E - Westside This is one of the catchiest tunes of the moment; expect to hear it on every radio station soon. It attempts to be simple, infectious indie-pop-rock, and succeeds. Athlete claim influences ranging from Mercury Rev to Stevie Wonder, but the music is so fresh that it's not w o r t h trying to detect them. C a t c h this b a n d before either (a) their voices break, (b) they go stadiu m indie, or (c) a major signs them (aargh, artistic death!).

Robert

M C L U S K Y - To H e l l W i t h G o o d Intentions Fat distorted basslines. C o c k y as fuck vocals. Screeching guitars. More energy then the national grid. Steve A l b i n i behind the controls. A N D they're British. This cannot, and does not, fail to be anything short of brilliant. The kind of stuff that w o u l d make Travis wet the bed.

Ben W A R R E N STACEY - M y Girl, M y Girl This is the guy w h o w a s in Popstars but didn't make it into Hear'Say. Afterwards, he w a s immediately p i c k e d up by the Def Soul label. The song begins w i t h h i m saying " y e a h " repeatedly, w h i c h makes me wonder whether he's t r y i n g to impersonate Craig David. Actually, that's the only b a d t h i n g I can think of about this record, because I quite like it. It's harmless, catchy R&B/pop. Let's just hope that he stops repeating himself on his next single.

Oscar COMPETITION

Chris

We're giving away an exclusive promotional copy of the n e w A album Hi-Fi Serious, reviewed in Felix last week. Q U E S T I O N : N a m e either of the first t w o A a l b u m s .

Oh dear. Instantly forgettable soft shiny pop drivel, attempting to cash in on the Nelly Furtado fad of the moment (well, Nelly Furtado and all of the other no-hope no-soul no-appeal copycats w h o s e names I've forgotten. Baz who?).

Please email your answer, along w i t h your name, year and department, to m u s i c . f e l i x @ i c . a c . uk by Thursday 14 M a r c h . The winner of the competition from Issue 1229 is James Greatbanks of Elec E n g 4, who k n e w that the t w o resident DJs at FabricLive are A l l B and James Lavelle. He w i n s a copy of FabricLive 02.

B A Z - S m i l e To S h i n e

•••••

Robert

film reviews "The Oscraps" We Salute the Worst of 2001 Worst P i c t u r e Freddy Got Fingered (20th Century Fox) Glitter (20th Century Fox/Sony) *Pearl Harbour (Touchstone) Time Lapse (Lions' Gate Films. Inc) Exit Wounds (NPV Entertainment)

Editorial "Quiet Week for Movies" The other night I w a l k e d into this bar. It w a s quite a nice M e x i c a n bar, just off Regent street. But that didn't make it hurt any less. Luckily m y head took most of the impact. W h i c h explains w h y I a m unable to put out a film section of any sort of quality this week. Look, I even h a d to try a n d fill i n the gap w i t h a picture of a n empty room. Not quite empty though. There are t w o planks i n the bottom left-hand corner of the room. Interesting. In a few w e e k s time, M a r c h 24th to be precise, the A c a d e m y w i l l be celebrating the finest i n film. The creme-de-la-creme of H o l l y w o o d w i l l be there; h a n d i n g out distinguished awards to one another. That's w h y w e at Felix O n F i l m have decided to run our o w n special a w a r d s ceremony. The Oscraps celebrate the worst movies of 2001. This year the nominations for Worst Picture include such gems as the final nail i n Steven Seagal's coffin, Exit wounds, M a r i a h Carey's excellently b a d , Glitter, the s p r a w l i n g three hour epic of shiteness, Peari Harbour, a n d of course, Time Lapse. Seagal's work is, i n fact, nominated i n three different cateinclude prestigious recognition the Lifetime

gories. These

Achievement category, where he competes against the likes of J i m Varney, of Ernest Goes to Jail fame, Lone Wolf McQuaid's Chuck Norris, a n d Steve Guttenberg, w h o s e work on the Police Academy series has scarred me for life. Freddy Got Fingered features strongly w i t h Tom Green getting a unprecedented double nomination i n the Worst Director and Worst Actor categories. There is also deserved recognition for Paul Hogan's Crocodile Dundee III. This year w e have also h a d some really b a d endings. If you've seen Planet Of The Apes y o u w o u l d k n o w exactly w h a t I'm talking about. Vanilla Sky does, i n a similar vein, go from b a d to worse i n the last quarter. That's w h y w e have introduced a special category for movies w h i c h run out of breath i n the final straight. Movies w h i c h run out of breath, trip u p over their o w n laces, hit the gravel, a n d stay there. Biting the dust. A p a r t from that, J C R shop, get your act together. IC Sixths, w e w i l l w i n on Saturday at M o t s p u r Park. Everyone else ha n g tight inside the ride - cos' here comes the r e w i n d !

Worst Sense of D i r e c t i o n M i c h a e l Bay (Pearl Harbour) Tim Burton (Planet of the A p e s ) Exit Wounds (Andrzej Bartkowiak) Tom Green (Freddy Got Fingered) *David Worth II (Time Lapse) Worst A c t o r Roy Scheider (Time Lapse) Tom Green (Freddy Got Fingered) "Steven Seagal (Exit Wounds) Paul H o g a n (Crocadile Dundee In Los A n g e l e s ) Sylvester Stallone (Driven) Worst A c t r e s s M a r i a h Carey (Glitter) *Penelope Cruz (Blow, C a p t a i n Corelli's A n g e l i n a Jolie (Original Sin)

Vanilla Sky)

Jennifer Lopez (Angel Eyes a n d The W e d d i n g Planner) Estella Warren (Driven a n d Planet of the A p e s ) Worst Seque l * Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles Hannibal Jurassic Park III Pokemon 3 Scary Movie 2 Most Unfunny Comedy Freddy Got Fingered Rat Race Pootie Tang *Scary Movie 2 Crocodile Dundee i n Los A n g e l e s Worst E n d i n g / P l o t Twist The Others *Planet Of The A p e s Vanilla Sky H o n o u r a r y A c a d e m y R e c o g n i t i o n for a L i f e t i m e O f R u b b i s h Steven Seagal J i m Varney *Chuck Norris Steve Guttenberg Robin Williams A N D T H E W I N N E R IS!!!.

Darius

The ^ | ^JS

r o v

' ' c

e s

t for the many

y and a national voice for the on behalf of

t body at large. NUS also works

s to provide benefits

h as retail

. At the

moment, the NUS might be the worst thing for the Union the

d the

best thing for

t might be

students Sen G a n e s h , I m p e r i a l U n i o n P r e s i d e n t

The country needs a National Union of Students. If it wasn't there we would have to invent it Edwina Curry, M P

The WOrl< of N US JS

essential in the campaign against

'I met Owain James, President of the National Union of Students ... We . .. . . . . . . e d u c a t i o n cuts plan to consult and expect the N U S > to contribute N e i l

Kinnock

F o r m e r

M a r g a r e t H o d g e , M i n i s t e r for i IE, 25.10.01)

The Government's recent admission of its e on t finance highlights the effectiveness of the NUS campaign Phil Willis, L i b e r a l D e m o c r a t E d u c a t i o n S p o k e s m a n , O c t o b e r 2 0 0 1

NATFHE congratulates N U S on its leadership of the campaign to tackle student hardship, poverty and debt Paul M a c k n e y , G e n e r a l Secretary N A T F H E -

I hope Imperial students vote YES to join NUS for national representation and discounts Justine S t e p h e n s , U L U P r e s i d e n t 2 0 0 1 - 2 0 0 2

T h e U n i v e r s i t y & C o l l e g e Lecturers' U n i o n

k voting will take place on Thursday 14th and Friday 15th March

arts reviews

Lady Windermere's Fan Royal Haymarket

Hamlet ICSM Drama Society

Exactly one hundred and ten years after the first time it w a s performed in London, Oscar Wilde's "Lady Windermere's Fan" comes back to the capital on the stage of the Royal Haymarket. A giant fan hides the Victorian decorated stage, while w e wonder w h a t could the people u p in the gallery see without opera glasses.

The I C S M Drama Society staged Shakespeare's Hamlet from the 26th of February to the 1st of M a r c h 2002. It w a s held at the auspices of the Imperial College Concert Hall, i n South Kensington. This s h o r t e n e d v e r s i o n w a s c o m p l e t e l y u n a l t e r e d from Shakespeare's original script. However, some creative direction, wonderful acting, and a glamorous set resulted in a truly entertaining evening.

The feeling is somewhat as if w e were in the w r o n g place: forget the Barbican's atmosphere, forget the magic of the Royal Court, the feeling of experiencing something n e w and unigue, so pervasive on many of our favourite London's stages. The Royal Haymarket means tradition, classic plays played i n the classical manner, and the audience seems to be rather "classical" as w e l l , and to have survived since. A l m o s t a play around (rather t h a n inside) the play. H i g h society and its rules are the real object of the play, and Wilde's sharp blade pierces the veils of conventions to their very core. Once admitted to the highly esteemed Windermere's house the disgraced M r s Erlynne regains respectability because of that same trait w h i c h , before admittance being granted, wouldn't have been conceivable at all; her reputation. Wilde's glamorous claim is that all this conventions are empty and pointless being built primarily u p o n themselves. But then w h e n misunderstanding put Erlynne to the trial, nature proves stronger than interest. We must admit that the casting is absolutely impressive, and in particular the choice of the t w o primadonnas. Mother and daughter on the stage as w e l l as in real life, Vanessa Redgrave and Joely Richardson are the backbone and the soul of this classic. Without their spontaneity a n d their freshness the play w o u l d really taste cheesy, but they are able to superpose to the comic register the dramatic touch of the guilt of a forsaking mother and the a w a k e n i n g to realism of a "sleeping" idealistic beauty. The guys this time are not at the level of the girls. Lord Windermere is less t h a n c o n v i n c i n g - a n d Darlington is just a bit more lively t h a n a puppet. Nonetheless the dialogue of the gentlemen late at night in lord Darlington's l i v i n g room is extremely funny: the breathtaking source of so many immortal citations.

Sergio

The cast comprised many w e l l - k n o w n and seasoned veterans, as w e l l as an equal number of fresh young faces. A l l showed m u c h talent for their roles. I must mention Hamlet himself, better k n o w n as Matt Stevenson, w h o gave a most unique performance. The rest of the cast were also outstanding, but nobody could deny that he brought something special to the role. The set w a s w e l l styled and crafted. The sound w a s appropriate and added to the experience. There w a s also interesting use of art throughout the performance. For many of the senior cast a n d stage crew, this w a s their last play - they can retire happily on the back of this truly riveting production. A s you w o u l d expect from Shakespeare, Hamlet h a d many t w i s t s in the plot and characters, a few surprises (if you didn't already k n o w the story), love and tragedy, family politics, and a very dangerous looking but precisely orchestrated duel scene this w a s breath-taking! It even h a d m i n i - s i n g i n g a n d dancing pieces, albeit i n the mentally unstable states of some of the characters. A l o n g w i t h this, the comprehensive themes a n d length, it could rival a modern Bollywood production. M e n t a l illness w a s a strong theme in the play, and causes for Hamlet's mental state were suggested to throughout. In the current age, w h e n recreational drugs and psychotropic substance abuse are so rife, the play reminds us that these issues are age old, and the consequences they have today are not dissimilar to those of yesterday. Hamlet's sexually charged performance w a s also interesting as he hinted at maternally-fixated incest. The hard work of everybody involved ensured that there w a s something that everyone could relate i n this diligently crafted production from I C S M .

r e a s o n s o

vote

#20

"•••To rejoin this discredited organisation would be like cutting off our heads to spite ourselves***" EricAllsop - ICU President 1996-7

e d n

Andy Heeps - ICU President 1997-8

"...I debated with Pantsy Pakes [Andy Pakes, NUS President 1998-2000] the other day - we told him the NUS was useless, and he couldn't argue back.**" Dave Hellard - ICU President 1998-9 BH IIS fjl JH -flj

Tasha Newton - ICU President 1999-8000

".••The NUS will cost us tens of thousands of pounds a year, money which won't be spent on our clubs and societies..." Hamish Common - ICU President 2000-1

"...I will be voting no to the NUS - it's the worst thing that could possibly happen to us—" Sen Ganesh - ICU President 2001-2

march 14th - 15th 2002 d

coffee break

G F Q Q - The Great Felix Quote Quiz by Bobby Cyclops & Dr. Hot Fudge Number of players: 65 The L e a d e r B o a r d - top 15 Name Score Simon N o r t h ably h a d enough. Prizes! The m a i n topic of conversation regarding prizes is a really good 139 Christopher Dent DVD player - Fudge and M y s e l f w i l l go out soon w i t h our ÂŁ300 and find you the best one 135 134 A n t h o n y Rodriques w e can get hold of. Note - there are N O prizes for second or third place: losers have no

THE PENULTIMATE GFQQ Bumper G F Q Q , bum pe r G F Q Q ! Look at all this space, enough space to be free to tell jokes without the threatening end of the text-box looming up on me! E n o u g h jokes, you've prob-

Chris Ince Daniel Sauder

127.5

John Anderson A n d r e w Ince

126.5 113.5 104.5 100.5 71

Answers to last week's quotes:

M i c h a e l Simonds Fred M a r q u i s Chris Toffis Rebekah H y m a s

62.5

1. Christopher Walken/Vmcenzo Coccotti - True Romance 2. M o r g a n Freeman/Ellis Boyd R e d d i n g - The Shawshank Redemption

A r o s h a Bandara Gregory M a n n

61 59.5

3. J e a n Reno/Vincent - Ronin 4. K u r t w o o d Smith/Clarence Boddicker - Robocop

Geoff Lay

K i m Randell

place at the Fudge Ranch! This w e e k w e have a whole range of quotes for you, hopefully some quite obscure ones w h i c h w i l l tax our top players to the limit. I have been recommended for my o w n safety not to give any more controversial Star Wars questions, but I believe that our readers are mature or at lest restrained enouqh not to take the answers too seriously. So next week, w h e n the controversial answers are published please don't flood our mail-box w i t h ranting, just accept the truth. Bobby

Cyclops

133.5

5. John Candy/Spike N o l a n - Brewster's M i l l i o n s A n s w e r s to coffee.felix@ic.ac.uk B o n u s , (a point for each) Wangdoodles, Hornswogglers, Snozzwangers and rotten Vernicious K n i d s (One extra point for pointing out film/book disparities).

lis-

or to

the Felix Office - West W i n g Basement, Beit Quad.

Part-Time Shop Staff Needed f

Bonus Question 1. In the new T3 film, Arnie has taken a pay-cut - what are his reasons? Bonus Question 2. What is the name of the mythical text that the entire Star Wars saga is rumoured to be taken from?

p y ÂŁ4.10 per hour plus benefits. Training provided. Please stop by the Shop and ask for the Manager. Email: unionshop@ic.ac.uk.

shop

Bonus Question 3. What is the full title of the Thundercat's primary nemesis (and his dog)? Bonus Question 4. Which cartoon character's motto is "We will put out the fires of evil"? Bonus Question 5. How was the

light-sabre

sound made in the 'original' three Star Wars movies?

Work for yourself. Work at the Union... ...and make a difference to your social life.

break coffee

G F Q Q - The Great Felix Quote Quiz by Bobby Cyclops & Dr. Hot Fudge 1. "Duck! Or You're gonna be talking outta your ass!" 2. "That's a real bad hat, Harry." 3. "You shouldn't drink and bake." 4. "Tell them there's something in the city that feeds on wishes - but tell them soon...while you still have a soul!" 5. "That's me: jerking off in the shower." 6. "It was about a year ago, I was out in the woods having sex with my sis-1 mean girlfriend..." 7. "If you give me any of that juris-my dick-tion crap, you can cram it up your ass." 8. "First rule of government price?"

spending: why build one when you can build two at twice the

9. "I am not an animal! I am a human being! I am a man!" 10. "Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!" l\."That's

me - I've been swimming in raw sewage: I love it!"

12. "I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen." 13. "Farle, Farle, Farle, Farle, Farle, Farle....Ah-far!" 14. "Sword of Omens, give me sight beyond sight!" 15. "If that asshole is still mopping the floor tomorrow, you'll be doing it all next week!" 16. "Move right hand across left breast now. Move right hand across left breast now...Holy Shit!" 17. "I would like to talk to youuuuuuuuu about the thiiiiiiiiings 18. "Is you is, or is you aint my 19. "You mathematical

constituency?"

prick!"

20. "You want a Pepsi, you're gonna have to pay for it!"

that you say in the show!!!"

coffee break

Crossword by Dr. Hot Fudge 1.

9. 10.

11.

12.

17.

18.

22.

Down 1. C e i l i n g support made by Clark, perhaps. (5) 2. 3. 4. 5. 7

12. E a s t e r n lady displays shoulder piece. (9)

20.

24.

23.

26.

25.

27.

19.

on account of endless w a g e r on the root of the problem. (7)

goes II. Horrible task over very quietly in helicopter. (7)

16.

15.

Across I. Greek royal and bear are in the best seats? (10) 6. Strong chop i n d u c e s collapse (4) 10

13.

14.

21.

A n s w e r to 1230 - Across: Broken Hearted, Recur, Petroleum, Leeches, Rainbow, Extenuate, Sitar, Disentomb, Archaic, Shih-Tzu, Treadmill, Hyoid, Skateboarders. D o w n : O r c h e s t r a , E a r t h e n , H y p e s , A t t o r n e y s , Tropics, D w e e b , H o m e w a r d B o u n d , Rollercoaster, A d d i c t i v e , Two-Stroke, G r a n d m a , Neither, Chefs, Salvo.

13. F l i p top at p a r t y to reveal male substitute. (5) 14. After a shit, I see reason. (5) 15. To d e n y is to s h o w contempt for a company, w e hear. (9) 17. Disciples give ring left in roses, perhaps. (9) 20. Vacuum cleaner misses nothing in float. (5) 21. Old age sibling finds a place of peace. (5) 23. Meetings thin out in prisons. (9) 25. Out on ear after the Spanish girl. (7)

Another week, another crossword. I'm t r y i n g to make it a bit harder 26. Womble gets nothing right in circular comthese days as it's nearing the end of term, so hopefully you might find pany. (7) this weeks offering a little tricky, or maybe it's just a pile of w a n k -1 don't know. Last week's w i n n e r is E m l y n C o r r i n , Physics. Nice one. Another 27. Charge sleep at canal. bumper G F Q Q for you lucky w e e scamps this week. It seems that some (4) of our m a m players are achieving local celebrity status. A n t h o n y 28. Fortune teller sees Rodrigues, for example, has been attracting groupies, enticing random smoke at hospital, for girls into his sordid, sexual w e b of quizzery. Personally, I fully endorse instance at casualty. this k i n d of behaviour, and encourage all you fudge-packers to exploit (10) the situation w h i l e you can. Spread the love. Dr. Hot-Fudge

8. 9.

G a b r i e l take

a right

then s w i t c h left! (9) Betraying t w o zebras? (6-8) Doctored unfinished pact b y short bloke. (7) C o n f u s e d uncle gets us the central part. (7) Collar made from holl o w e d out label filled w i t h penny. (5) Convert salesman, the ex-showman. (9) Their fools fled off to Beelzebub! (4, 2, 3, 5)

14. L i b e r a l

t o p l e ss

rangers get the scraps. 0)

16. L i s t one, no five, E n g l i s h that are conservative. (9) 18. B a n leave after p u b b a c k s u p european member. (7) 19. C r a s h caused by second grapple gets disqualified. (4-3) 22. Editor seen penetrati n g w o m a n in leather! (5) 24. C l e a n up South Carolina - it belongs to us! (5)

Get ready for the Easter Party! Two floors of Cun and frolics.

Admission ÂŁ 5 / Friday, M a r c h 22 T h e first 250 tickets sold w i l l receive either B u n n y - T a i l s a n d Ears or a Bow Tie. Tickets a v a i l a b l e i n advance from the U n i o n Reception, first floor U n i o n B u i l d i n g , from Monday, M a r c h 11. Prizes provided by Odeon C i n e m a , H i g h Street Kensington, for the Best F a n c y Dress Costumes. J e l l y B e l l y j e l l y beans and a token for P E B E shot of B a c a r d i and choice of m i x e r w i l l be distributed o n the door.

â&#x20AC;˘

imperial college

union

club active

Firsts victorious over UCL UCL I 2

3 IC I

It w a s g o i n g to be a battle of truly g l a d i a t o r i a l proportions. Imperial, w i t h a v e r y poor start to the s e a s o n g o i n g a w a y to the current league leaders a n d joint favourites for the c u p . Still, all that d i d n't really matter d i d it? The conditions, as usual for Shenley, i n v o l v e d a s o g g y pitch, force 10 gale, a n d just to spice t h i n g s u p - no referee. So it w a s that IC k i c k e d w i t h the w i n d a n d d o w n the hill i n the first half. After an even start, a m o m e nt ar y lapse of c o n c e n tration at the b a c k a l l o w e d UCL in behind the IC defence, a n d s u d d e n l y it w a s 1-0. A goal d o w n , a n d p l a y i n g against the w i n d a n d this tie just got a w h o l e lot tougher.

This appeared to spur IC on a n d they b e g a n to make the most of the w i n d a n d slope. A free k i c k c a m e close, a n d F o r s y t h e s t e e r e d the b a l l w i d e from i n front of g o a l after a cross from the left. Nevertheless IC c o n t i n u e d to p u s h forward, but quality chances w e r e at a p r e m i u m . O n the stroke of half-time IC, spurred on by coach C a r d i n e s , p r e s s u r e d the U C L left back b y his o w n corner flag w h o w a s forced into a b a c k p a s s to his keeper - mistake N o . l . M i s t a k e No. 2 i n v o l v e d the keeper air-kicki n g at the b a l l a n d w a t c h i n g it d r i b b l e over his o w n line, before s m a s h i n g it into the b a c k of his o w n net i n anger a n d frustration. The second half started as b a d l y for IC as the first half

h a d finished for U C L . W i t h i n minutes, the UCL right w i n g e r h i t t i n g a c u r l i n g left foot shot from the edge of the box that e v a d e d the b e s t efforts of keeper Vasquez. 2-1 d o w n , u p h i l l a n d into the w i n d - a w h o l e b i g w o r l d of trouble. A period of U C L pressure came to n o t h i n g , h o w e v e r , a n d IC b e g a n to get the b a l l on the d e c k a n d stroke it around. M a r k Curry, an earlier r e p l a c e m e n t for A n i s , heard his h a m s t r i n g do somet h i n g nasty a n d w a s promptly carried off. N i c k Jones w a s also s u b s t i t u t e d , giving A n t h o n y Senner a n d Seb Storbacka a chance. Seb b e g a n to r u n at t h e U C L defence and w i t h half an hour to go, his efforts p a i d off. Taking the b a l l on the bounce

Bowling

he r o u n d e d the centre back before firing a left foot (what else?) shot p a s t the U C L keeper. 2-2 a n d g a m e on again. It w a s n o w the t u r n of IC keeper V a s q u e z to do his bit for the cause - a series of fantastic clean saves kept IC i n it, a n d w i t h t e n minutes left a S t o r b a c k a through b a l l found Forsythe, w h o promptly found the b a c k of the net w i t h his right foot. 3-2, come on! A n d so it w a s d o w n to the defence for the barrage that w a s to come. A n t Senner w a s amazing, as was Joe M c M a h o n a n d w h a t they d i d n't cut out w a s dealt w i t h by Cowley, B u r e a u a n d of course - Va s q u e z . After an eternity, the final w h i s t l e b l e w and the l e a g u e l e a d e r s w e r e out w e l l the c u p isn't the cup these days w i t h o u t IC is it?

Oxford Tour

der final, w h i l s t Jez qualified i n fourth.

The IC Tenpin B o w l i n g C l u b recently attended the annual U L U Masters event, a Scratch and H a n d i c a p singles tournament open to all U L U bowlers. It proved a very successful day, w i t h IC b r i n g i n g home 10 of the 13 trophies on offer.

Jez beat Trevor to a place in the 2nd place match, w h i c h he unfortunately lost and so finished i n third, w i t h a trophy for the highest game of the day (215).

The first r o u n d s a w T i m Harbour and Gray J o h n s t o n qualify i n first a n d s e c o n d place i n the Scratch division, w i t h J e z and Trevor qualifying first a n d t h i r d i n the H a n d i c a p division. A further 9 IC students also q u a l i f i e d further d o w n the rankings.

In the Scratch section, Kevin easily s a w off his first opponent but w a s not good enough to defeat Gray, w h o progressed to the final to meet Tim. Four consecutive strikes i n the final frames s a w Tim come back and magnificently take the title w i t h a 189 game.

T i m a n d G r a y t h e n progressed to the stepladder final i n first a n d second place, w i t h Kevin k e e p i n g u p his good form to take the fourth place. In the H a n d i c a p s e c t i o n, Trevor w o n t w o of his matches to seed h i m 3rd in the steplad-

Ti m also took home the H i g h Scratch Average trophy, and Dany and A l l y p i c k e d up the Ladies H i g h G a m e and Ladies H i g h Average awards i n the Scratch and H a n d i c a p section, respectively. Chris

The official Oxford Tour b e g a n on a sunny, blue skied Saturday morning. W i t h a little help from Anna's b a c o n butties and Tina's not so dangerous driving w e arrived in Oxford feeling ugly enough to play the Oxford seconds Despite

the

lashing

hail stones a n d fierce w i n d s , a recovering ankle and a bout of v i r a l m e n i n g i t i s a m o n g the team, the IC "freezing u g l y bitches" gave the Oxford's seconds team and a half a good game. The game ended 2-0 to mighty Oxford seconds, we'll have t h e m next year! evening fun b e g a n w i t h

the but The

hall dinner w i t h Sunday's opposition, St Catherine's. We d i d IC proud, and totally ruled the dance floor, guys were falling at our feet (no literally! -it w a s

that k i n d of night!). Chips and garlic mayo ended the night, unfortunately for Saz and not so regrettably for others, w i t h Tina's night time companion being a TV, w h i c h obviously doesn't object to garlic! Sunday's game w a s crazy, w i t h defence playing attack a n d attack a n d m i d field m i x e d up all over the shop (god we're such jokers!), w e pulled off a good score of 5-3! After some not so delicious shandies from St Catheriine's w e made our w a y home, via a G u i n n e s s and some crisps, and the w e e k e n d w a s almost perfect! We m i g h t not be u g l y e n o u g h to beat the Oxford seconds, but w e sure c a n shake our toosh on the dance floor! Sarah

club active

Stop The Pigeon The Imperial College Rifle and Pistol Club made its way to the battlefields of the BUSA Clay Pigeon Shooting Competition to test its mettle against the other British universities. Friday 22nd February, having finished all our lectures and packed our bags w e met at Southside at 6pm. Only one person didn't s h o w u p (Koichi "may his n a m e for ever be Damned" Tanaka), but Phil w a s available to take his place i n short notice. A n d so, to the theme of The A-Team screaming from the minibus' speakers, w e left on the 4 hour trip to the Travellodge in Telford where w e w o u l d be s p e n d i n g the night before the competition. We arrived i n Telford some time after 10pm and w e made

our w a y to our rooms for some "serious preparation" for the next day. We c r a w l e d out of our beds red e y e d a n d b u s h y t a i l e d Saturday m o r n i n g , a l t h o u g h some h a d fallen asleep on the floor a m o n g s t the previous night's detritus. W i t h only a quick stop at Tesco's for breakfast, w e proceeded to the B U S A competition grounds. We arrived as the sky darkened a n d storm clouds started to unload their cargo of s n o w and sleet upon us. The m u d d y field w e parked our vehicles in rapidly t u r n e d into a scene from a Christmas postcard; all of us looking like s n o w m e n ! We sought refuge i n the clubhouse from the blizzard, w i t h only a cup of tea to w a r m us. Despite h i g h w i n d s a n d spo-

radic s n o w i n g our spirits were h i g h ; the poor conditions brought all the teams to an even footing. The competition consisted of 7 traps releasing a total of 50 clays per person (200 clays per team!) and a hundred bird flush. E a c h person from a team shot each of the 7 traps, a n d the scores of each individual were totalled to get the team score. In the immensely enjoyable, but challenging, hundred bird flush the entire team stood in a row as a 100 clays were launched over their heads. The whole t e a m opened fire and tried to shoot as many of the clays as possible! The score from the flush w a s added to the team's score giving a total out of 300. A t the e n d of the afternoon, our shooting over, w e made

our w a y to the clubhouse to receive our scores: The A - t e a m d i d w e l l w i t h a total score of 171 g i v i n g t h e m 12th place out of 41, w h i l e the B team arrived in 22nd position. The C team, came 29th w i t h their score of 101, a n d finally, the Ladies' team, shot a score of 72, g i v i n g t h e m 39th place, although they came 6th out of all the ladies' teams. S p e c i a l m e n t i o n m u s t be given to G u y as he got one of the top 5 best individual scores in the whole competition. If you t h i n k your g o o d enough, if no one else can help you and if you can find us i n the rifle range i n the IC Sports (Wednesday and Centre Saturday afternoons), maybe you can join the Rifle Club. Anthony Meisner

Foiled Again! Overall this year w e came top of the south eastern league b y three points. This is a fantastic achievement a n d the first time since I have been captain. B o t h L e u c h a and Witolda have improved a great deal t h i s year a n d t h i s really s h o w e d i n the matches w i t h some w e l l executed hits. Sadly one of our usual players, Camille, w a s unable, to make many of the matches d u e to a m o s t unfortunate knee injury, however she w a s able to fence i n the final match against U C L w h i c h s e c u r e d our v i c t o r y i n t h e league. IC L a d i e s 76

85 C a m b r i d g e

H a v i n g w o n the league w e then d r e w C a m b r i d g e for the last sixteen match.

C a m b r i d g e w e r e a n exceptionally strong team, w i t h six players to our three just for starters! In the epee, the three internationals outclassed our t e a m w h o are not s t r i c t l y epeeists, so w e lost 45-31. However i n the foil w e managed to hold our o w n to obtain a deserved w i n . Unfortunately this w a s not enough for an overall victory. A l t h o u g h w e w e r e l o s i n g initially in the foil, Katherine (captain) m a n a g e d to p u l l the score up to 30-29 from the l o s i n g 18-25. This g a v e the w h o l e t e a m the impetus to carry on the w i n n i n g streak. The final foil score w a s 45-40. This retains our record of only losing one foil m a t c h this term, and this w a s against R e a d i n g who, again, had m a n y internationals i n their team.

pepsi 1160ml) with every £2.75 lunch special

MII

imperial • college union

—

Cafe

bar

•—

CATERING

club active

Medics Emerge Victorious IC M e d i c s 22

17ICI

This g a m e should have been the final w i t h b o t h t e a m s favourite for the title. Imperial M e d i c s b y their o w n admission have h a d a disappointing season a n d for the first time next year w i l l find themselves i n the same league as IC so this game w a s an important gauge as to h o w they w i l l fare i n 2002-2003, especially as IC finished second i n their league. The match k i c k e d off a m i d glorious sunshine on a pristine p i t c h at Teddington. IC were obviously very fired u p for the m a t c h a n d w i t h i n the first 5 minutes w e r e a try u p after s o m e poor d e f e n d i n g out w i d e . IC w e r e to increase this lead shortly after w i t h 2 more tries and so after 20 minutes

were 17-3 i n the lead. The referee made some bizarre decisions in this half most notably w h e n he ruled out a M e d i c s try c l a i m i ng that the player's foot h a d p a s s e d the d e a d ball line, this w a s further comp o u n d e d b y a y e l l o w card to the player for apparent overindulgent language. The rest of the first half w a s fairly nip and tuck but the M e d i c s b a c k s g a i n e d i n confidence throughout and after a tentative start b e g a n to come to the ascendancy. T h e forwards w e r e fairly evenly m a t c h e d w i t h IC exerting pressure in the scrums a n d M e d i c s dominating the lineouts. The half-time w h i s t l e b l e w w i t h the scoreline very m u c h i n IC favour. The medics realised that last years resounding victory w a s not

going to be repeated and that without passion and hard graft IC w o u l d be the victors. The second half began w i t h an immediate change in the M e d i c s momentum a long kick from s c r um half, James Logan, w a s chased d o w n b y N n a m d i O b i r e s u l t i n g i n a 5 metre throw-in to the M e d i c s and a subsequent forwards try b y Ben Spiegelberg (with a little help from Dimitri Amiras). This proved to be the spark that w a s m u c h n e e d e d i n the t e a m and from that moment on the M e d i c s r a i s e d their g a m e , w i t h IC unable to m a i n t a i n possession due to hard tackling and dominant forward loose play. It w a s only a matter of time before another try w a s scored a n d this w a s a c h i e v e d b y the i n d i v i d u a l brilliance of N n a m d i O b i w h o

Live sport on the

IC Virgins We drove to Guildford i n the spangly minibus driven by snotty-posh w i t h s t u n n i n g d r i v i n g . Our beautiful h e a d coach, Dave, met us w i t h his home-brew creation, w h i c h w a s evil/lush. The match w a s kwality, and all the training finally p a i d off, seeing the forw a r d s d o i n g rolling mauls, a n d the b a c k s their s l i n k y moves. Tries were scored b y G e m (x2 due to the good shagg i n g she's getting), Kate (slinky roll off a maul), Helen (driving over the line and huge celebration for her first try), and A l e x i s (also a V i r g i n try: capital job). Credit goes to H u i L i n g for nearly scoring three tries, but never managing to convert her pazzaz into points. Hannah, battling against the elements, managed one conversion.

Forward of the match goes to Dappy, for her good stuff at number eight, a n d her consistent support throughout the match. Back of the match goes to A l e x i s for her first try and slinky moves. H u y E a l i n g w a s nominated for player of the match by the opposition. Fair play: she h a d to drink the rankest d i r t y half yard I've seen i n m y t w e n t y years. Fresher gets a mention for her q u e s t i o n a b l e taste on the dance floor last Wednesday, of course she k n e w w h a t she w a s doing. The ref gets a special ment i o n for h a v i n g b e e n i n Hollyoaks. H e w a s h e a d of Hollyoaks community college: the one w h o w a s shagging Ruth. O h yes, w e mix w i t h the classiest celebs... Kate

c o m i n g on at half time m a d e a significant difference to the offensive line. The game w a s still tightly i n the balance (1517) IC clearly d i d not w a n t to lose the m a t c h a n d held on for 10 minutes before finally their resolve gave way. H a n i A b d e l H a d i in his less familiar s c r u m half role spotted on overlap on the left of the p i t c h this w a s exploited resulting in a final try o n the touchline for W i l l Mellior. J a m e s M o r r i s t h e n slotted the conversion to b r i n g the score to 22-17, w i t h only 3 minutes left the M e d i c s were able to h o l d their position a n d remained i n the IC half until the final w h i s t l e w a s sounded. The m a t c h w a s played to a h i g h standard and IC proved w o r t h y o p p o n e n t s . Imperial M e d i c s look forward to the fixtures next season w i t h them.

S a t u r d a y 8th March Harlequins v London Irish 2.15pm

Newcastle v Arsenal 5.30pm mm

4pm v Fooitam 7pm

WBA

Wednesday 13th March M a n Utd v B a y e r n 7.45pm

iter® v nJrorf®®B

Sunday 17th March Leeds v Blackburn 2pm •>co!Sl Villa v Arsenal 4pm union BARS