THE VOL. 03 ISSUE 20 05.10.2011 THE UNCOVERING ISSUE
REJECTED FORMER KSA DIRECTOR BANNED
ELECTION RESULTS CANADA VOTES IN HARPER MAJORITY
WATCH IT MOVIES REVIEWS: FAST FIVE/ SCREAM 4
NEWS AND CULTURE FOR THE STUDENTS OF KWANTLEN POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY
NEWS
page two | May 10 2011 | vol. 3 issue 20
SPORTS
The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca
AROUND KWANTLEN
UBC passes on the NCAA Thunderbirds will stay in CIS after league reforms promised.
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JUSTIN MCELROY THE UBYSSEY UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA
VANCOUVER (CUP) — It’s official; the University of British Columbia Thunderbirds will be staying put on this side of the border. UBC president Stephen Toope announced today that the university will remain in the Canadian Interuniversity Sport and will not seek membership in the National Collegiate Athletic Association, better known as the NCAA. The announcement comes after three years of consultations, negotiations and forestalled decisions. Toope cited the CIS’s willingness to reform on a variety of fronts, including proposed changes to governance and tiering, as a reason to stay within the organization. “A re-invigorated CIS is in UBC’s interest … I believe change is possible,” he said at a press conference Tuesday morning. “This is the first time in five years that I’ve seen any engagement [by the CIS] at all.” He acknowledged however that there were no guarantees for scholarship reform — a major sticking point between UBC and the CIS and one of the primary draws for joining the NCAA — but said that he is optimistic that the conditions
WHAT’S HAPPENING AT KWANTLEN
MAY GEOFF LISTER/THE UBYSSEY
for change are now in place. Simon Fraser University, which joined Division II of the NCAA last year, will remain the only Canadian school in the American league. The decision goes against years of lobbying by the university’s athletic department, which had argued that greater competition in the NCAA and larger scholarships present the best long-term fit for the department. “A lot of times you see in the paper student athletes from high school are looking at the NCAA, and a lot of them are going there,” athletic director Bob Philip said in 2011. “We just felt it was time that somebody stepped up in Canada and offered that opportunity to
Canadian students.” Toope, however, said that since UBC would only have been eligible for Division II membership — Division I is not presently open for international schools to join — “the fundamental issue of [keeping athletes in Canada] was not going to be solved.” Critics of the proposed move had criticized the culture of sports and academics within the NCAA, along with the financial cost of being accredited by an American institution — a requirement for all NCAA institutions. However, the ultimate decision has always resided with the university administration, which they finally made today.
11 2011
Richmond Aorta Squad Kick-off WHERE: Richmond Campus - Rotunda WHEN: 11:30 a.m. WHAT: The KSA’s Big Bike team hosts a BBQ to raise money for the Heart and Stroke Foundation.
MAY
12 2011
Summer of Pride Movie Night WHERE: Surrey Campus - Conference Centre WHEN: 7:00 p.m. - 10:30 p.m. WHAT: Screening of the Candian indie film C.R.A.Z.Y., with free refreshments and a post-film discussion, presented by Pride Kwantlen and the clubs of the KSA.
POLITICS
MAY
CFS facing fifth Quebec lawsuit
20 2011
Concordia grad students asking court to recognize referendum to leave the group.
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JACOB SEREBRIN CUP QUEBEC BUREAU CHIEF
MONTREAL (CUP) — The graduate students’ association at Concordia University is asking the court to recognize a referendum where students voted to end their membership in the Canadian Federation of Students. The referendum, held last spring, saw students vote 456 to 148 against remaining members of the CFS. The vote was conducted without CFS support and the national student lobby group has not recognized the results. The lawsuit comes a month after Concordia’s undergraduate students’ union filed a similar suit. They are also asking the court to recognize a student vote to leave CFS that was also held last spring. According to the graduate association’s motion to institute proceedings, dated April 15, the CFS national executive violated both CFS regulations and Quebec law in denying a referendum on continued membership. According to the motion, on Feb. 15, 2010, the graduate association received a letter from CFS lawyers, dated Feb. 10, informing them that a referendum could not be held before the end of the year because two other referendums were already
scheduled for that semester. A bylaw amendment prohibiting more than two referendums from being conducted in any three-month period passed at a CFS general meeting in November 2009. This occurred after the graduate associated submitted their referendum petition to the organization. The graduate association claims the rule change was not properly adopted by CFS members and that even if it had been, it was illegal for the CFS to apply it retroactively. The Feb. 10 letter also claimed that the graduate association owed the CFS an unspecified amount of unpaid membership fees. According to the motion, the association did not receive a dollar figure for the alleged outstanding fees until March 17, when they received a letter from CFS lawyers claiming that, while it was “practically impossible for the CFS to assess the exact amount allegedly owed by the [association],” it was estimated at over $200,000, of which, over $100,000 dated back to 2004. The motion also claims the association received a letter from CFS lawyers on Feb. 19, dated Feb. 8, stating the CFS would in fact participate in a referendum of graduate association members. That letter makes no refer-
ence to any unpaid debts. Both letters have been entered into evidence. The motion also claims that if the graduate association actually owed the CFS “$200,000 or more for uncollected and/ or unremitted membership fees … [it] would have at least been brought to the attention of the members of the CFS at its 2009 annual general meeting and would have been claimed by the between 2004 and March 17, 2010.” The graduate association is also seeking $100,000 in damages for alleged violations of students’ rights under the Quebec Charter of Human Rights and Freedoms. In addition to the lawsuits filed by Concordia students, the CFS is currently being sued by the post-graduate students’ society at McGill University, who are also seeking to have the results of a referendum to leave the organization recognized by the court; by the CFS’ former Quebec branch and by that organization’s former landlord. Depending on the outcome of the lawsuits, the CFS could stand to loose — or win — over $1 million, including disputed membership fees. The graduate students’ association and the CFS will be in court on May 20.
Runner Bureau Chief Elections WHERE: Runner office - Surrey Campus WHEN: 11:00 a.m. WHAT: Runner contributors can run for and vote in the upcoming Runner bureau chief elections. All students are welcome to attend.
MAY
25 2011
Kwantlen Eagles Golf Tournament WHERE: Northview golf and country club WHEN: 11:30 a.m. - 9:00 p.m. WHAT: Fundraising event to support Kwantlen athletes. Register or find more info at www. kwantlen.ca/eaglesgolftournament
JUNE
03 2011
Connecting Minds Psychology Conference WHERE: Richmond campus - various locations WHEN: All day WHAT: A showcase of some of the best undergraduate psychology research in North America. Registration is required.
NEWS
www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner
vol. 3 issue 20 | May 10 2011 | page three
STUDENT POLITICS BRIEFS
KSA council bans former events director I
Former KSA director of events Reena Bali has been banned from all Kwantlen Student Association offices by the new council, who took office April 1. The ban was issued as one of the first motions of the new term, after a 56minute discussion held behind closed doors at the April 6 council meeting. The decision orders Bali to not be present in KSA offices during the new director of events and student life’s, Tarun Takhar, office hours. Meetings are supposed to be open to all members of the society, but council can decide by a two-thirds vote to go in camera to keep the details of their discussions private and off-the-record. Bali expressed shock and confusion about the decision. “It just came out of nowhere,” said Bali. “I don’t even know what it’s about. I haven’t even been told what I’m being banned for.” “I’m just a regular student now and I pay fees, but I can’t go to the lounges anymore?” The motion to ban Bali was moved by the director of operations, Justine Franson, and seconded by student-atlarge Pavan Sodhan. Currently a third-year student in BBA Human Resources, Bali previously has held several positions in the KSA since 2007, serving various terms as chairperson of the executive board, director of events, director of operations, Richmond campus council director and Richmond representative. She ran unsuccessfully for re-election as director of events in the February 2011 KSA election. The chairperson of the executive board declined to comment.
ROTARY CLUB SUPPORTS KPU FOUNDATION The Richmond Sunset Rotary Club donated $1,500 to the Kwantlen Foundation in April. The money will go to support a $1,000 award for a Humanities student who lives in or who graduated from a Richmond high school.
TIM HORTONS COMING TO RICHMOND Students in Richmond won’t have to travel far to get their caffeine and sugar fixes, when the second Kwantlen Tim Hortons comes to that campus. According to a myKwantlen posting, the Sodexo-operated kiosk will be located in the cafeteria and is scheduled to be open by midJune.
Fashion students Courtney Billinkoff, Joanne Hu and Betty Zhao (left to right) won bronze, gold and silver medals respectively in the 2011 B.C. Skills Canada competition last month. The competitors had eight hours to complete a fitted bodice and skirt. Hu will compete nationally in Quebec City in June.
Former KSA executive Reena Bali sits outside the Kwantlen Student Association offices in Surrey. MATT DIMERA/THE RUNNER
KSA
Council members fail to show up for KSA meeting
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FASHION STUDENTS WIN BIG IN BC SKILLS COMPETITION
MATT DIMERA NEWS EDITOR
CHRIS YEE MATT DIMERA
The latest scheduled KSA council meeting was canceled after most voting members failed to show up. The April 27 council meeting failed to reach a quorum of ten votes and was canceled. KSA council meetings must have a minimum of 50 per cent plus 1 of votes in attendance to take place. Only five out of the 19 voting members attended or sent someone to take their place. Student senator and non-voting council member Christopher Girodat was troubled by the developments. “I’m concerned by the cancellation of that council meeting,” said Girodat. “The excuses don’t
Students-at-large attend the April 14 KSA council meeting where major changes to the regulations were made. MATT DIMERA/THE RUNNER
stand up to what’s expected of the student’s elected representatives. This seems oddly reminiscent of last year’s boycott.” Students who showed up to voice their concerns about the recent KSA regulation changes
www.runnerrag.ca www.twitter.com/runnerrag www.twitter.com/groatinthesack www.facebook.com/runnerpaper THE
were frustrated that elected officials decided not to attend. The changes in question, were passed at the previous meeting of council on April 14. Director of operations Justine Franson, Langley director Jenni-
fer Campbell, and Surrey director Sean Bassi were present for the meeting while Richmond director Harj Dhesi and Richmond representative Sasha Mirzi sent proxy votes in their place. The four absent members of the executive board offered varying reasons as to their nonattendance. Director of external affairs Bobby Padda said he was late and therefore hadn’t sent his proxy. Director of finance Nina Sandhu was injured in a car accident and was unable to attend. The directors of academics and events, Jaspinder Ghuman and Tarun Takhar, both said they were busy, while Ghuman added that he didn’t even know there had been a meeting.
page four | May 10 2011 | vol. 3 issue 20
NEWS
The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca
STUDENT POLITICS
KSA votes yes to increase their own pay Executive compensation rises by 40 per cent; campus directors compensation up by 25 per cent.
I
MATT DIMERA NEWS EDITOR
The Kwantlen Student Association (KSA) council voted nine of their members a raise in their annual pay, at a seven-hour long council meeting Thursday, April 14. Campus directors can now make $2,860 more per year, an increase of 25 per cent, and executives can make $6,240 more per year, an increase of 40 per cent. The change will cost the KSA roughly $43,000 more per year. The increase in compensation was part of the sweeping changes to the regulations proposed by the executive board. The new regulations passed 13-4. None of the nine council members receiving the increase opted to declare a conflict of interest and abstain from the vote. The new regulations deleted a previous provision that any changes to compensation for elected officials could not come into effect until April 1, in the following term, to avoid conflicts of interest. Langley representative Ken McIntyre tried to amend the new regulations to restore the April 1 clause, but
Kwantlen Student Association executive members Jaspinder Ghuman, Nina Sandhu and Bobby Padda at the April 14, 2011 meeting of council. MATT DIMERA/THE RUNNER
was voted down 14-3. The five members of the executive board have had their paid hours raised to 35 hours per week, up from 25. The four campus council directors have had their paid hours increased to 25, up from 20. The executives earn $12 per hour and campus directors earn $11 per hour. Langley campus director Jennifer Campbell (holding her
own vote and Langley representative Ken McIntyre’s proxy vote), Surrey campus council officer Sunita Sohi (holding Richmond representative Sasha Mirzi’s proxy vote), and Ashley Fehr (holding Richmond campus director Harj Dhesi’s proxy vote) all voted against the regulation changes including the pay increase. Council members who are unable to attend a meeting
can assign their proxy to another student, allowing them to vote in the council member’s place. The proposed regulations also included higher tuition subsidies for campus directors and executives. The proposal raised campus directors tuition subsidies by 202 per cent to $3,400 per year and raised executive tuition subsidies by 83 per cent to $4,400 per year.
Nina Sandhu, the director of finance, spoke in favour of the increased hours and increased tuition credits, explaining that elected officials deserved to be reimbursed for taking summer classes. “We’re not giving ourselves raises,” said Sandhu. “Currently we’ve been claiming overtime anyways, we have been working quite a few hours.” Former KSA director of operations Ashley Fehr was outraged at the proposal. “I’d like to know why you feel that has to be that high; that’s insane,” said Fehr, addressing the executives. “Especially when the board has made decisions to not fund fundraiser events and to cut the HR budget.” Student Colin Fraser also spoke up, saying, “Everyone’s wondering why do you feel that you deserve more tuition credits. As students that are paying all of you, no one understands why you feel that you deserve that.” The council passed an amendment to reverse the increase in tuition credits, but opted to let the increased hours stand.
STUDENT POLITICS
Linklater wins second board of governors seat Only 163 votes were cast in the online election do-over.
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MATT DIMERA NEWS EDITOR
Kassandra Linklater edged out competitor Kari Van Gerven to become the second student representative on the Kwantlen board of governors (BOG) in last week’s online election. In a brief interview with The Runner before the results had been announced, Linklater described herself as “a new face with new perspectives.” “I am completely dedicated to this position,” she said. “I feel like my record is something that stands for itself, I’ve never been involved in student politics before and I think that’s a good thing.”
Registrar Robert Hensley called the April 18-19 election after the results of the earlier BOG elections were declared partially invalid because of accusations of unfair campaigning. Robert Mumford, who came in first in the original election, has already been declared winner of the first student BOG seat. In the first election, Van Gerven would have won the second seat, but an allegation made by Linklater led to the call for a do-over. Only nominees from the first race were allowed to run in the second election, with Linklater, Van Gerven, Nikki Pearce and Christopher Girodat
Kassandra Linklater will join the Kwantlen board of governors Sept. 1, 2011. MATT DIMERA/THE RUNNER
on the ballot. Candidates Derek Robertson, Robert Mena and Jordon Tomblin chose not to run again. Linklater received 36.8 per cent of the vote to Van Gerven’s 31.9 per cent. Girodat came in third with 23.9 per cent and Pearce in fourth with 7.3 per cent. A total of 163 votes were cast. Linklater and Mumford are scheduled to take office in September 2011. Linklater is a member of the Kwantlen Presidential Ambassadorial Team, a former news editor at The Runner and is currently nominated for the 2011 Y.W.C.A. Young Woman of Diversity Award.
KWANTLEN BRIEFS
PHOTO COURTESY OF KWANTLEN
BUBBER REAPPOINTED
PROVOST APPOINTED
NEW ASSOCIATE VP ACADEMIC
Kwantlen Chancellor Arvinder Singh Bubber has been reappointed for another three-year term. He will serve until Oct. 1, 2014 and will preside over convocations and conferring university degrees to graduating students. Bubber previously served on and chaired the Kwantlen board of governors. He has a bachelors degree of science in India, and later became a chartered accountant in England.
Dr. Anne Lavack has been appointed as Provost and vice president academic and will start at Kwantlen on July 1, 2011. Dr. Lavack is currently dean of the faculty of business administration at the University of Regina. She finished her Ph.D. at UBC in 1997 and later worked at Concordia University and the University of Winnipeg.
Dr. Jane Fee has been appointed as associate vice president academic and will start at Kwantlen on Sept. 1, 2011. Dr. Fee completed her Ph.D. at UBC in 1991 and since worked at Dalhousie University, the Technical University of B.C. and SFU Surrey.
PHOTO COURTESY OF KWANTLEN
NEWS
www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner
vol. 3 issue 20 | May 10 2011 | page five
RISING UP
KSA PAY
INCREASE: 4 campus directors
5 executives
25 hrs/wk @ $11
35 hrs/wk @ $12
$6,240 40% increase $21,840/yr
$2,860 25% increase $14,300/ yr
Increased cost to KSA: $43,000
Total cost: $166,400 STUDENT POLITICS
KSA execs allege ‘gross and negligent mismanagement’ Finance director compares Grassroots cafe to Zimbabwe and dictator Robert Mugabe.
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MATT DIMERA NEWS EDITOR
The KSA has been “grossly and negligently mismanaged by previous councils, executives and staff” according to a letter written to students by the new executive board. The letter contends that since taking office April 1, the executive board has found “horrific and catastrophic problems in the operations of the KSA since January 1, 2007.” It cites further examples of “neglectful management” as “the debacle that is the café, little to no human resource management, fitness center mismanagement, reckless financial activity, no documentation at all in some instances, very poor communication and transparency, internal squabbling, little to no review and enforcement mechanisms, and a basic lack of respect for you, our member.” When asked at the April 29 executive board meeting about specifics from the letter, none of
KSA director of operations Justine Franson believes previous councils have neglected their duties. MATT DIMERA/THE RUNNER
the executives were willing to offer any further details. The letter was posted to the main page of the KSA website on May 3. The missive also warns that there may be disruptions in the services offered by the KSA because of “the overwhelming work required to conduct a full
review of the past five years. A similar version of the letter was presented at the April 29 executive board meeting. The original letter was signed by the five-person executive, though the letter online is apparently sent from the entire council. The executive board has made several general allegations
of corruption, incompetence and wrongdoing on the part of previous KSA administrations and staff since taking office. In her April 27 report to Council, director of finance Nina Sandhu wrote, “the café is functioning at Zimbabwean levels (not early Mugabe when he freed Rhodesia) but what the country has become in the past few years under his leadership. Think of the café in a similar state” Sandhu continues to write: “The previous Councils, EBODs and GM have, in this regard, let the Society down in a big way (insert the word “understatement” as many times as you would like next to comments on how poorly the previous Council, Executives and GM have performed). In fact, they may have neglected their duty to the Society by effectively draining our funding to this point.” In his April 27 report to council, director of external affairs, Bobby Padda, referred to “major
flaws” discovered while looking at documents from previous councils. “The early findings, though informal, are very alarming and point to significant breaches of duty by previous Councils and EBODs,” wrote Padda. “We will be engaging outside organizations, if needed, as we continue to comb through thousands of documents.” “For the most part we are only at very (informal) stages at this point so I cannot elaborate any further,” he concludes. In her April 29 executive board report, director of operations, Justine Franson, refers to “a serious breach” by former executives. “Its [sic] as if previous Councils and EBODs just did things’ [sic] without properly thinking, reviewing, or recording their decisions. This is not the CIA, it’s the KSA,” wrote Franson. “It reflects how neglectful previous Councils have been in holding EBOD and GM to account.”
page six | May 10 2011 | vol. 3 issue 20
HELLO
EDITORIAL
The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca
OSAMA BIN-LADEN
Letter to the editor
Osama’s dead. Let’s get drunk.
Kwantlen basketball
Jubilation has spread across the West at news President Obama oversaw the operation that killed Osama bin-Laden, the world’s most successful terrorist. But with jubilation should come some sense of caution and reflection. With a one-two punch, Prez Obama has, in one week, slashed two of the tires on his critics’ main arguments against his rule: birthers and foreign policy. He released the long-form birth certificate, effectively silencing any logical debate about the true place of birth of America’s first half-white president. But more importantly, Obama finished the job that the Bushera hawks couldn’t seem to do: find the world’s most wanted man, Osama bin-Laden – likely padding his approval ratings for months to come. Just like that, a decade of era-defining politics has come full-circle with the assassination of Osama bin-Laden at his Pakistani resort villa. The racist, conspiracy-the-
Dear The Runner, In the April 5 edition, you stated that the men’s bball, women’s bball, and men’s soccer teams had a combined total wins of two. I would like to know where you are getting your ‘facts’ from, as this is not true. The men’s basketball team won one, women’s basketball four and the men’s basketball team had none. This is a combined total of five. I understand this is not an amazing accomplishment but have you stopped to think about why this is? If you look at all the schools who excel in sports, UBCO, UNBC, VIU, they have on-campus residences and the resources for their athletes to succeed. Kwantlen has none of these things. Write an article about the school’s limited funds, the inadequate basketball court, the women’s basketball coach. Last year the women’s basketball team won eight league games and had a coach that took them to provincials. He quit and now after only one year of coaching their new coach was fired. I think an article looking into these things would be a much better use of your time. Thanks. -Anonymous letter.
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KYLE BENNING NEWS EDITOR
We apologize for the typo, but we are all human. If you take a look at your email, you made one as well. “The men’s basketball team won 1, women’s basketball 4 and the men’s basketball team had none.” As for the story idea on the funding the athletic department gets, yes that would be a great story. But because The Runner is only two years old, we are still trying to get our bread and butter stories covered. You also mention Kwantlen’s lack of funding and residences. In terms of residency, I don’t think Kwantlen needs it for their athletes. If you look at the rosters for the teams, majority of the players come from Surrey, Delta, Richmond and Langley. When these student-athletes are living less than a 45-minute commute away from campus, there is no real need for residency. As for funding, Kwantlen just spent quite a bit of money on a new turf field (a story we published). The coaching for most of the Kwantlen teams have been changing on a yearly basis with a bad first year almost inevitable. Teams that can manage to build around their experienced players tend to be a lot stronger, and the Eagles tend to recruit a lot of rookies. As sports reporters, it is our job to report fairly on the Kwantlen sports teams. We are not the Kwantlen Eagles cheerleaders. Have a question? Email us letters@runnerrag.ca
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JEFF GROAT COORDINATING EDITOR
ory-style rhetoric is sure to get louder on both fronts. What followed bin-Laden’s death were celebrations in the streets of cities across America and in front of the White House, where people were chanting “U.S.A! U.S.A!” at news of the death of al-Qaeda’s leader. It’s a sad and ironic twist to the scenes of anti-American, flagburning protests and shows of support for bin-Laden after the initial attacks on 9/11 and the subsequent invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq. Remember how disgusted we were? Okay, so Osama’s dead. Western forces will now be pulling out of Afghanistan and Iraq, right? No more scanners at airports and border-thickening? Wrong. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has said that the War on Terror is not over, the job is not done. In fact, security measures were actually stepped up after news broke about binLaden’s death – credited to the fact that bin-Laden’s death may inspire more acts of terrorism, that he is being praised as a martyr on radical and terrorism blogging sites.
Mission accomplished, good job America. Some experts in American media are saying smaller, more independent terrorist organizations pose a greater threat than the beleaguered al-Qaeda. It’s taken 10 years for the West to hunt down the leader of the quite large al-Qaeda. Think about the possibility of American engagement with a collection of loosely-aligned, very decentralized terrorist organizations with many heads and routes of communication. If it took a decade to find bin-Laden, the better part of which was staffed by one of the most hawkish Republican administrations, imagine the mess of involvement, post-al-Qaeda. What is the current form of terrorism we’re seeing? Is it a malignant, destructive political movement? A bastardization of Islam, mixed in with a general hatred of Western freedoms? Is it a reaction of a people living in a culture of oppression and constant foreign intervention? Now is the time we take a long, hard look, collectively, at where we’re headed.
#ELXN41
Harper majority: empowerment of the already powerful.
The Runner is student owned and operated by Kwantlen Polytechnic University students, published under Polytechnic Ink Publishing Society. Vol. 3, Issue no. 20 May, 10 2011 ISSN# 1916-8241 Arbutus 3710/3720 12666 76 Ave. Surrey, B.C. V3W 2M8 www.runnerrag.ca 778-565-3801
EDITORIAL DIVISION: Co-ordinating Editor (interim) Jeff Groat editor@runnerrag.ca 778-565-3803 Culture Editor Kristi Alexandra culture@runnerrag.ca 778-565-3804 News Editors (interim) Matt DiMera Kyle Benning news@runnerrag.ca 778-565-3805 Production Editor Cat Yelizarov production@runnerrag.ca 778-565-3806 Media Editor Matt Law media@runnerrag.ca 778-565-3806
BUREAU CHIEFS: Campus News / Vacant
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JEFF GROAT COORDINATING EDITOR
The ballots are counted: Canada is to be governed by a Conservative majority government for at least the next four years. Promises of pushing through “100 bills in the first 100 days,” as Mani Fallon said, Conservative candidate for NewtonNorth Delta. A tough-on-crime approach in the face of falling crime rates is first on the agenda. It’s a promise to spend billions of dollars on prisons – a promise not to spend that money on tax-payers, but instead spend it on criminals. Surely gone are voter subsidies of political parties. On the surface, this looks like a very good move to save taxpayers’ money from being spent by politicians in Ottawa. But Stephen Harper is not acting for
COURTESY OF THIVIERR/FLICKR
the benefit of all – he’s acting to save his own oil-soaked skin. Such a move would effectively bankrupt the opposition parties who have not managed to establish a working system of external fund raising as well
as the Conservatives have. It is totally calculated. Next on the docket is a raft of measures to ensure the big oil companies and tax-evading mulit-nationals are free to pollute our rivers, cash in on tax breaks for wealthy corporations, lobby government and drown out the voices of average working people in Canada. If this election was called because of the Opposition’s refusal to put up with any more disrespect for Canadian democratic conventions, that luxury is now gone with a Harper majority. The Conservatives are now more than free to insert as many “nots” as they wish, cover up the true cost of expensive jets and security details as much as they wish, continue to centralize power and decision-making in the micro-managing PMO’s office.
PAUL LI CONTRIBUTOR
An academic term has come and gone. April showers have come (and are almost gone.) Our two, long Fall and Spring terms are now past, and now we’re in the idyllic Summer break. At least for some. For others, there’s a lot of work ahead. Here at The Runner, it is no exception-we are now in Summer mode as well. This means a slightly reduced publishing schedule-one issue per month until we resume regular produc-
Environmental / Catherine Thompson Graphics / Antonio Su Health & Lifestyle / (Vacant) Political Affairs / (Vacant) Sports / (Vacant)
CONTRIBUTORS: Chris Yee, Steven Maisey, Josh Saggau, Lliam Easterbrook, Katrina Pederson, Jennifer Campbell, Simon Massey, Jared Vaillancourt, Antonio Su, Mae Velasco Cover Art: Antonio Su
BUSINESS DIVISION: Operations Manager, Ads, Classifieds DJ Lam ops@runnerrag.ca 778-688-3797
MESSAGE FROM THE BOARD
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Creative Arts / Chris Yee
tion in September. But it doesn’t mean that we’ll be doing any less work. Longer periods between prints means more time to produce longer, in-depth stories on important matters at hand- providing news and culture for all Kwantlen students. We are also very excited about the new developments. Concluding two years of negotiations with the Kwantlen Student Association, our autonomy agreement has finally been signed. This heralds an era in which Kwantlen students have a newspaper with properly pro-
tected rights of free speech. For the first time ever, we provided live coverage of an event- a federal election debate hosted by students here at Kwantlen. And even a new website layout has been launched. Just as Kwantlen has grown as a University, so is The Runner trying to grow as a newspaper. We are constantly planning, creating and implementing new ideas to reach out to students. Come join us and participate as well-help us create the newspaper you want, the newspaper you deserve.
Office Co-ordinator Victoria Almond office@runnerrag.ca 778-565-3802 Operations Assistant Brittany Tiplady
SPORTS
www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner
vol. 3 issue 20 | May 10 2011 | page seven
BASKETBALL
New faces on men’s team, not many for women’s I
JOSH SAGGAU CONTRIBUTOR
After an embarassing season in 2010, the Kwantlen Polytechnic University Eagles men’s basketball team was in need of a complete overhaul. Bernie Love was on the way out and KPU quickly brought in Stefon Wilson from Simon Fraser University to take control of the team and build it his way. Since taking over on March 22, Wilson has recruited half his roster — seven of 14 spots have been filled — and the team looks considerably different than last year. The team took big steps towards improving their outside shooting. Coach Wilson went all the way back to Michigan to nab his first signing as head coach, guard David Poole. Wilson likes Poole’s athleticism and versatility. “He can score, pass and is very athletic … I am glad we both will be on the same side-
line for the 2011-2012 season,” said Wilson in a release on April 8. Wilson was hardly done there though. His next big signing was shooting guard Aaron Ram, who spent last season with Seaquam Secondary School in Delta. Wilson said he likes the physical mismatches he can create with Ram’s size against smaller defenders and his speed that gives him an advantage against larger ones. Last season as a senior, Ram averaged 23 points, four assists and nine rebounds per game. Those kind of numbers should make Wilson very happy as the Eagles spent most of last season doing anything they could to pick up points outside the paint. Coach Wilson’s final big name signing came on April 27 when the team announced they had recruited 6’6” centre Jarrell Hogan from Michigan. Hogan is a large body and
coach Wilson said he liked the toughness and experience that the big man can bring to the Eagles’ program. “He has the mentality to get every rebound that comes off the glass,” said Wilson. Wilson’s other four recruits have not been identified yet, and Wilson wasn’t keen on disclosing too much about the new players and the direction the team is going into next season. He understands that he is only half way through building his team and wanted to finish the job before getting too far ahead of himself and looking at the upcoming season. He did say that he has many other recruits lined up that could be part of the mix, so it’s only a matter of time before more roster spots are announced. It doesn’t look like there will be many returning members from last year’s 1-17 team though.
While new men’s basketball coach Stefon Wilson has been quick to make a name for himself and his recruits, women’s coach Dan Nayebzadeh seems to be taking it slow. The new coach — announced March 31 — has only made one major recruitment so far and it came just a week after being named head coach. Anna Work, from Washington State, will join the Eagles squad after spending the last two seasons at Everett Community College. The third-year point guard will help to replace the loss of Taminder Dhaliwal, arguably the team’s best player last season, who completed her eligibility last year. “[Anna’s] already played in a college league, so she’s going to bring some leadership,” said coach Nayebzadeh. “I think you’re always looking for veteran leadership. Considering we’re going to have maybe eight rookies, she’s definitely going to
help a lot.” Following a 4-14 season, change was definitely needed on the Eagles’ roster. Nayebzadeh wanted a fresh start this season as he began here at Kwantlen, which means there won’t be many familiar faces on the Eagles’ bench on opening day. Nayebzadeh held an ID camp on April 17 and said they had around 50 players show up looking for a roster spot. He said he wants to cut the team down to between 13 and 15 players for the start of the season. Having so many players could seem like a bad thing as not everyone would be able to get into every game but Nayebzadeh likes the idea out competing for playing time. “If players have to work and fight for playing time, I think it’s advantageous for us.” More recruitment announcements are expected in the coming weeks.
CANUCKS
Sedin twins need to step up if Canucks want to beat the Preds This is Steven Maisey. He’s your average Canadian guy; he eats, sleeps and breathes hockey. He is a huge Canucks fan. This is Facing off with Maisey.
I
STEVEN MAISEY CONTRIBUTOR
The Vancouver Canucks have finally exorcised the ghosts of playoff pasts by winning their first-round match up against the Chicago Blackhawks. The team didn’t make it easy on themselves or their fans as the Blackhawks showed the heart of champions in the series, taking the Canucks to overtime in the seventh and deciding game, even after the Canucks had taken a 3-0 lead in the best-of-seven series. The series win somewhat erases the memories of the last two seasons for the Canucks when the team lost to the Blackhawks twice in six games. For the team, it is validation that this year’s group is different from the past Canucks teams as they didn’t crumble under adversity and immense pressure. For goaltender Roberto Luongo, he finally proved that he has the ability to step up in big game situations as he allowed only one goal in game seven and made a huge stop on Patrick Sharp on a Blackhawks power play in overtime to set the table for Alex Burrows’ overtime heroics. Make no mistake about it, this is just step one in the Canucks’ push towards the cup. The worry now is the let down for the team in their second-round match up against the Nashville Predators. Time after time this season, the Canucks have had a let down after winning or clinching key games and moments in their season. The most glaring example of this was losing back-to-back games against the cellar-dwelling Edmonton Oilers after clinching the Presidents’ Trophy. This time the Canucks cannot afford to have that lapse or they will quickly find themselves in a 0-2 hole against a very good team. The Predators are led by a stellar back end, featuring Shea Weber and Ryan Suter, as well as a couple of former Vancouver Giants in Jon Blum and Cody Franson and a top flight goalie in Pekka Rinne. Although the Preds had
COURTESY OF N1CKPHARRIS/FLICKR
trouble scoring in the regular season, the group of forwards on this team is highly underrated. Led in the first round by the line of Smithson, Spalding and Tootoo, and backed by a former 30-goal scorer in Patric Hornqvist the Predators have the ability to score. 2nd Round Breakdown The key match up for the Canucks in this series is the Sedin line going against Shea Weber and Ryan Suter. The season ended up with both teams winning two games against each other, so expect it to be a tight series. And in every tight
series, your best players need to be your best players. Even though the twins put up points in the first round against the Blackhawks, they disappeared in the final four games. For the Canucks to win they need the Sedins to play their best. To play their best, the twins must be able to breakdown the dynamic duo of Weber and Suter. Weber, a Norris trophy candidate, has a bomb of a shot, and is a big, tough defenceman. Suter might be the most underrated d-man in the NHL. The duo held Anaheim’s top line of Perry-Getzlaf-
Ryan to only two combined points in the last two games of their first-round series. For the Canucks to have a chance, they need the Sedin line to produce at a better pace than that. Finally, the Canucks must win the goaltending battle. To win that battle, Luongo must be on top of his game because Nashville has one of the best goalies in the league in Pekka Rinne. After beating the Blackhawks, Luongo should have his confidence back after playing well in game seven, and making the series-saving stop in overtime.
page eight | May 10 2011 | vol. 3 issue 20
THEATRE & FILM
The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca
FILM
NOW PLAYING The Runner recommends: I
KRISTI ALEXANDRA CULTURE EDITOR
Hubble What’s sexier than Leonardo DiCaprio’s voice? The answer, quite plainly, is Leonardo DiCaprio’s voice in space. Yes, this 45-minute documentary narrated by the Titanic star explores images of space with the NASA space telescope, Hubble. Did I mention it’s playing at the
IMAX? God, this is going to be good. Fast Five I hate action movies, and I mean hate. They’re mindless, full of explosions rather than acting, and often feature whacked-out ‘roid-monkeys. From what I can tell, Fast Five encompasses all of these things, but I keep hearing that the film is brilliant. Read the review below to decipher for yourself. Your Highness One of the reviews featured on movie-critic site Rotten Tomatoes reads “you can’t possibly smoke enough pot to make this movie funny.” Personally, I’d like to challenge that. Arthur Who doesn’t love a remake?
MOVIES
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he fifth instalment of The Fast and the Furious broke the U.S. weekend box office opening after picking up an astonishing $86.2 million ($33.2 million on opening day). It isn’t hard to see why. The series, directed by Justin Lin, is in the midst of a change. In the latest chapter, Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) is on the run with his sister, Mia (Jordana Brewster) and his favourite ex-cop Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) after they break him out of a prison transport bus using a pair of cars that are in every college student’s dream. The three of them flee to Rio de Janeiro where they meet a friendly face who sets them up for a downfall. In an attempt to heist a couple of cars off of a train (including a silver ’66 Corvette Grand Sport and a blue ’66 Ford GT40 with white stripes) that were repossessed, the Americans find themselves in a dispute with the locals they are stealing the cars with. Originally, the plan was to get the cars to Reyes (Joaquim de Almeida), Rio’s head drug lord. But Dom changed the plans and the action got underway. The man that was just
Thor You might remember Director Kenneth Branagh from highschool, when you had to watch those terrible renditions of Shakespeare plays on film. Ah yes, that was him. He’s back with Thor, classified as an action/ adventure movie. Personally, I have a penchant for period pieces and mythology. Oh, and ripped, topless men. I’m definitely paying $12 to see this.
THEATRE
Fast Five strays from car-heists KYLE BENNING NEWS EDITOR
Arthur is the classic romantic comedy that sees an unabashedly spoiled rich dude struggle to choose between his already lavish and luxurious lifestyle and a life of true love. With the main role given to hit-and-miss Russell Brand, the real entertainment here will be watching how Brand takes on the movie.
“released” from a prison transport bus was wanted for the murder of a couple U.S. federal agents that were on the train. Once the agency hears about this, they send their best man, agent Hobbs (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson), to hunt down Dom and co. and bring them to justice. So along with being chased down by the feds, Dom, Mia and O’Conner are also being chased down by the Rio mob and the local police because majority of them are on Reyes’ payroll. The gang is also after them because Reyes has a very important piece of his business stashed away in the GT40 that Mia sped away in. If you’re going to watch this movie for the car races, you may be a little disappointed. Fast Five focuses more on the “action” part of the events that characters encounter, but as promised by the trailers, there are plenty of high-speed chases and pretty girls in tight clothing. The script doesn’t ask for the actors to put in an Oscarnominating performance, but it looks like Diesel, Walker and Johnson put in a fair effort despite a countless number of clichés. Make sure you stay seated during the first set of credits. You might miss something important, hint hint.
The Graduate panders to an amused male audience I
MAE VELASCO CONTRIBUTOR
O
n my way to theatre production of The Graduate on April 23 at Arts Club’s Granville Island Stage, I had no idea what the play was about, but just that Mrs. Robinson was going to seduce him. My boyfriend had seen the movie, but I told him to withhold the story for my sake. I wanted to be captured by the whole theatre experience. The show is about a teenaged guy named Benjamin who is finally ready to experience the world. His parents had friends over at their place and an older, sultry married woman works her magic. At first he was disgusted and baffled, although that night made him crave for more of that sex and love, enough to make it go on for months to come. The taboo affair foreshadowed what would ruin the “future.” Meanwhile, Benjamin’s father is great friends with Mr. Robinson’s father, and the men decide it would be a wonderful idea for Benjamin to date the daughter of Mrs. and Mr. Robinson, Elaine. The date goes horribly awry with twists and turns. Benjamin did not want the
IMAGE COURTESY OF GRANVILLE ARTS CLUB
date to turn out well, but all in due time Elaine becomes captivating to him. You’ll have to see the movie or the play to get to the end. I have to say there was a guy beside me, my boyfriend beside me, and a guy behind me. They
were pretty much aroused at the end of the scene. I’ve never heard guys breathe so heavily while watching a play. Well, that was my observation. It’s definitely an interesting story of lust, love, and hatred. Go catch this if you can!
FILM & THEATRE
www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner
vol. 3 issue 20 | May 10 2011 | page nine
INDIAN COMEDY
RENTALS
TOP 5 underrated movies to rent on DVD or blu-ray Disclaimer: Yeah, we know. Rent on DVD? What are we, in 1999? You can go about getting these in any manner that’s convenient. But seriously, we won’t advocate anything illegal...
1
Catfish Is this a documentary or is it fake? Directors Ariel Schulman and Henry Joost have repeatedly said “if this is a fake documentary, then we are the best filmmakers and actors ever.” See for yourself.
PHOTO COURTESY OF BOLLYWOOD SHENANIGANS
South Asian stereotyping meets SNL I
KYLE BENNING NEWS EDITOR
What do you get when you mix Russell Peters with Saturday Night Live? You get a show like the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Chicken series. The latest installment, The Butter Chicken’s Back . . . Alright!, focused on having a comedic perspec-
tive on a number of social stereotypes in the South Asian community. The performance was put on by South Asian Arts and Bollywood Shenanigans and was written by Leena Manro and Munish Sharma, two key players in all of the sketches. From raging aunties who harass their nephew’s girlfriend with questions, to a
Surrey jack who puts on a different personality to pick up women, Manro and Sharma covered a variety of characters that are identifiable in the average Indian family. The situations that Manro and Sharma had set up were clichéd, but the drunken CBC studio audience seemed to appreciate the effort they put into it.
2
Dogma Director Kevin Smith is known for his dialoguechargedphilosophical comedies. This one is no different, except it goes far beyond the nuances of Clerks.
Personally, it looked to me as if the actors and actresses were trying a little too hard for a laugh. However, it was a local act and considering the ticket was only $20, I didn’t have very high expectations. But you get what you pay for, and I’m sure Bollywood Shenanigans will be back for another edition of this series.
3
Matchstick Men It’s a weird anomaly that people either love or hate Nicholas Cage. The actor does a great job, in our humle opinion, in this twisting heistlike film. This will make you a Cage fan.
4
MOVIES
Scream 4 ceases to thrill after a decade The repeat slasher flick is good for some mindless entertainment, thanks to a fiesty Hayden Panettiere as sidekick Kirby and an increasingly plastic Courtney Cox as comeback journalist Gale Weathers.
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survivors of grave massacres in Woodsboro. Ah, Craven, you’ve done it again.
RA TI
Kirby (Hayden Panettiere) outshines every character in the endlessly predictable film. Two goofy film club members chronicle the present events in Woodsboro as a helplessly aging and overbotoxed Gale Weathers (Cox) tries to team up with them to solve the murders and regain her title as the small town’s top journalist, all while struggling to keep her marriage with top-cop Dewey Riley (Arquette) alive – how fitting. In a slight twist of events, the audience learns that Jill (Roberts) and one of the film club buffs are behind the murders, in an overall effort to finally nix Prescott and become the new Woodsboro survivor. The unsuccessful plan leaves Prescott, Weathers and Riley in the same position that they’ve been at the end of every previous Scream film: the three
ST
We’re not sure what the Scream franchise is most famous for: its tittilating plots (ha!) or that from movies one to four, it has successfully chronicled the rise and fall of Courtney Cox and David Arquette’s marriage. Taking the fourth instalment of the Scream movies, it’s clear that the latter is where the audience’s attention is. From the beginning, Scream 4 is overtly self-referencing – using the meta-fictional “Stab” series to introduce short-lived characters like Lucy Hale, Kristin Bell and Anna Paquin. The film is set during the anniversary of “The Woodsboro Murders,” the events that the original Scream was based on. Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) is back in town as a stop on her book tour
as Ghostface strikes again, this time killing off Prescott’s younger cousin Jill’s (Emma Roberts) friends. Jill quickly becomes the heroine of this story, as the plot is intertwined with the high-school students’ ongoing fascination with the Woodsboro Murders who are doomed to repeat history. Director Wes Craven knows by now that a fourth remake of the same movie is overkill and so thumbs his nose at the audience with tidbits that say “Yeah, I know. We’re in on the joke.” The movie so obviously and effortlessly parallels the previous three that it’s impossible not to mention, but doesn’t apologize for its postmodern self-plagiarism. Star Emma Roberts is a flat-note in the movie playing between big-wigs Cox and Campbell, while feisty sidekick
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KRISTI ALEXANDRA CULTURE EDITOR
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The Break Up Anyone who’s been through a terrible breakup can relate to this grueling dramedy starring rebound lovers Vince Vaughan and Jennifer Aniston. It seemed a flop for some, but an accurate homage to the broken heart for others.
5
Catch Me If You Can Leonardo DiCaprio is a lot more than a ‘90s heartthrob in the second heistmovie in our “underrated films” list. Seriously. The shit he pulls off in this movie... ‘nuff said
CULTURE
page ten | May 10 2011 | vol. 3 issue 20
The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca
FOOD
Vij’s is an all-around sense satisfying experience I
KYLE BENNING NEWS EDITOR
5/5 FORKS RATING
T
he best thing about Vij’s restaurant is the customer service. Of course the restaurant doesn’t open until 5:30 p.m., and you have to be there half an hour early to ensure you can get a seat once the restaurant is open, but everyone is treated equally and you can’t book a reservation. The staff is constantly walking around serving small appetizers, like pakoras, even if
PHOTO COURTESY OF VIJ’S WEBSITE
you didn’t order them. Even Vikram Vij interacts with the customers and makes sure they are enjoying their meal at Vancouver’s most popular fine-dining restaurant, according to Urbanspoon. Right when you step through the door, you see a very detailed front door in the middle of the restaurant. Vij said that the door was once the front door of a temple in India, and someone smuggled it to Canada. The menu changes seasonally according to what ingredients are locally available. The chickpeas in star anise and mutton kebobs make for good starters. The kebob is cooked so that it is crispy on the outside, but is still tender in the middle. The kebob is covered in a Bengalistyle curry which makes the flavour of the meat stand out. The main dishes are a little
on the expensive side, but are interesting fusions of tastes from all parts of India. The roasted and mashed eggplant and butternut squash with black chickpea curry was the best dish. Even though the meat dishes were done very well, I thought the vegetarian ones had more flavour to them. For those of you who prefer spice, I recommend eating the main dishes with the chilli peppers that accompany them. The main dishes weren’t as spicy as your average Indian cuisine. For desert, the kheer (rice pudding with edible silver) was prepared well. It had the right amount of sugar in it and ended what was a very good meal. The only thing you will have to worry about when at Vij’s is the bill. It is a little on the pricier side, but it is worth almost every penny.
ADVICE
Ask Jennifer I
Jennifer Campbell, The Runner’s resident advice columnist, gets to the bottom of your stickiest situations and rockiest relationships. To ask Jennifer your own questions, e-mail her at jenniferadvice@gmail.com
and find a guy who will be attentive and treat you right.
JENNIFER CAMPBELL CONTRIBUTOR
Dear Jennifer, I have a boyfriend who barely talks to me. We never see each other and he never e-mails me. It’s like he’s ignoring me for some reason. I don’t know what to do. A lot of my friends say that he doesn’t like me but I don’t believe them. What do you think I should do? Do you think I should dump him? Signed, Ignored Dear Ignored, Have you ever seen the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You”? I think this is where your relationship is at. Obviously something is up and he does not want to be with you. Why would you want to be with a guy who ignores you anyway? I say dump him
------Dear Jennifer, I have been dating my boyfriend for three months and he has asked me to come to dinner and meet his family. I am wondering if I should bring a gift. Signed, Meeting the Family Dear Meeting, It is always a nice gesture to bring flowers for his mom or a bottle of wine to have at dinner. But you have to be careful with what you bring. I mean if someone in his family is an ex alcoholic then I would not bring wine. Maybe ask your boyfriend what his mom’s favorite kind of flowers are and buy a bouquet of those. She will greatly appreciate them and it will help ease
the awkwardness that comes with meeting the family for the first time. ------Dear Jennifer, My sister has asked if I would like to go away with her. I told my husband of five years and he was furious and started accusing me of wanting to cheat on him. He works 6 days a week and often goes fishing with his friends (and not me) on the day that he is not working. He is also planning on attending a stag without me. Should I go away with my sister? What should I do about my husband’s lack of trust? Signed, Needs a Getaway Dear Needs, Many couples nowadays go on separate vacations. I find it in-
teresting that he thinks it is okay for him to go away with friends but not okay for you to go away with your sister. You two need to sit down and talk through this. Either he needs to let you go and trust in the fact that you will not cheat or you need to come to an agreement that neither of you can go away without the other. Once you come to an agreement, you need to discuss why he thinks you will cheat. Have you given him a reason to think you will cheat or is he just being paranoid? Only time and talk will help. ------Dear Jennifer, I have a friend who often speaks down to me and treats me like she is better than me. Other friends of mine tell me that I should not be friends with her anymore. We have been friends
for four years and I just cannot seem to cut off our friendship. What should I do? Signed, Belittled Dear Belittled, Your friend is what I like to call a “toxic friend.” Toxic friends come in many different styles. There is the “enabler”, “talk only when I need you”, “faultfinder” and many more like your own personal “belittler”. You need to rid your life of toxic friends. It is hard. I have let go of many toxic friends myself. However, when you do you will end up feeling better about yourself and your life. Eleanor Roosevelt said it perfectly when she said “nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.” So take charge of your life and get rid of everything and everyone negative.
THE
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CULTURE
www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner
vol. 3 issue 20 | May 10 2011 | page eleven
MUSIC
Record Store Day 2011 I
LLIAM EASTERBROOK CONTRIBUTOR
O
nce a year, on the third Saturday of April, independent record dealers across the world benevolently participate in Record Store Day. For us audiophiles, it’s a chance to avidly consume music, but also participate in some mild political posturing against corporate North America. It is a day for the little guy, with over 700 independent record stores participating in the United States alone, and hundreds more internationally. These small yet privileged independent distributors receive a limited supply of 7” and 12” vinyl singles from a diverse group of artists. By releasing singles only to independent retailers, consequently the bands are supporting small businesses and audiophilia across the continent by flipping corporatism the big, bad bird. So forget conglomerate big business, corporate giants, and their chain factions like Future Shop or Best Buy, this day is for the ma and pa shops — or the shop your buddy opened after painstakingly trying to get a loan for several years. Record store day is punk; it is indie; it is grunge; it’s anything but corporate,
and everything for small-time retailers. These retailers get a rare leg up on the competition, exclusivity, and a chance to build a loyal clientele. Most shops — such as Neptune Records on Main Street—Vancouver’s oldest independent music retailer, showcase the event by hosting a series of local bands throughout the day, and by playing the vinyl releases terrifically loud between sets. It’s win-win for consumer and consumed — Oh, and there’s also beer, lots and lots of beer. The vinyl releases for 2011 featured oldies and goodies: The Stones, The Velvet Underground, Jimi Hendrix Experience, Pearl Jam, Derek and the Dominoes, Fleet Foxes, Bad Brains, Built to Spill, Daft Punk, Dio, Death Cab for Cutie, Deftones, Nirvana, Pinback, R.E.M., RHCP/Ramones and much more. Having shown up late because of work (stupid commerce –– Oh the irony of it all!), most of the singles I desired had been ripped helplessly from the shelves. Having released their second and third albums on vinyl for the first time in over a decade — and on time for Record Store Day, Pearl Jam’s entitled VU, originally released in February of 1985. The Hendrix songs, “Fire” and “Touch You,” were
both selected from the Are You Experienced? sessions of 1967 — the latter of the two, an instrumental track, had been previously unreleased until now. Finally, the Fleet Foxes single, with “Helplessness Blues” and “Grown Ocean,” made me all the more anticipatory for the Seattle band’s second LP (released May 3rd). Overall, the singles for Record Store Day are reasonably priced ($8-$12), and for a good cause — to support local businesses that more or less have to scrap and claw to stay alive amongst big businesses and their monopolies on the system. Personally, I will check out Red Cat (also on Main), Neptune, Krazy Bob’s, Zulu — pretty much the closest independent store I can find, before I walk into an HMV to buy my music. I’ll even willingly fork out a few extra dollars for my vinyl (which is a rare occurrence) at these local independent retailers, just so I can in turn support the independent locale. And judging by the turnout at Neptune last week, there are many others who share this view. So next time you walk into HMV downtown to buy an album, know there are better places to spend your dough. Viva la vinyl! Play it loud. Play it proud.
VINYL
Vinyl Dust-off: Soundgarden’s Badmotorfinger Lliam Easterbrook – sonic archaeologist – brings you his latest finds from excursions into ancient record bins. Every week, only on Vinyl Dust-off.
I
LLIAM EASTERBROOK CONTRIBUTOR
4/5 RECORDS
D
uring a trip to Victoria, I found a locally run record shop. Entering, I found a treasure trove of vinyl; in particular, one of my favourite albums of all time. Until now I didn’t know it existed in vinyl format. In other words, my reaction was TOTAL FUCKING GODHEAD BATMAN. In a year that saw Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” (Nevermind) knock the King of Pop down the charts and Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy,” “Alive,” and “Even Flow” (Ten) reign supreme on MTV (remember when MTV used to play music?), ‘91 also produced a much lesser known, much less commercial grunge masterpiece: Soundgarden’s Badmotorfinger. Released Oct. 8, 1991, Badmotorfinger represents Soundgarden’s most hard-hitting material. What it lacks in dark sonic
psychedelia (you’ll get that with ‘94s Superunknown), it more than makes up for in gritty, loud, seething metal. Added to the line-up is Ben Shepherd, who brings a songwriting touch, making many of the songs on Badmotorfinger punchier, weirder, and more cohesive than ‘89s heavy but largely unfocused Louder than Love. At nearly an hour long, songs like the backwards sounding “Rusty Cage” (a song Johnny Cash would later cover), the anthemic “Outshined,” and the droning, “Jesus Christ Pose” deliver a metallic ferocity the Seattle punk scene lacked at the time. Here Soundgarden embodies the best of all rock worlds: the power of metal, the punch of punk and the cohesiveness of pop. Chris Cornell’s soaring, ethereal vocals seem otherworldly. No one in rock sings with more power. Kim Thayil’s wild, screeching guitar sounds like it’s playing him (he’s one of Rolling Stone’s top 100 guitarists). Shepherd plays his bass so low, so badass, you’ll think your speakers will explode. And
Matt Cameron (now in Pearl Jam and the newly reformed Soundgarden) hits his kit just as hard — and in my opinion more precisely, than John Bonham ever did. The guitar tunings are inventively strange, the time signatures insanely unpredict-
able. No wonder Mike McCready wore a Badmotorfinger t-shirt in pretty much every photograph in 1991. Cornell’s lyrics are colourful—even if those colours are only shades of black. Circling diverse experiential possibilities,
they serve to thrash the bigotry and narrow-mindedness of rightist thinkers, and bring the listener into the gen-X realm of cynicism and disdain for authority. “Jesus Christ Pose,” a song in which the accompanying video was banned by MTV, garnered much controversy by religious types for its depiction of the crucifix and crucifixion as a modern semblance symbol. The song is about false idols idealizing a gone symbol. When Cornell sings, “And you swear to me you don’t want to be my slave / But you’re staring at me like I, like I need to be saved, saved,” he seems to be saying that people in the limelight use the cross for arbitrary and sometimes fallacious reasons. Badmotorfinger’s album art is a razor-like helicopter blade with a spark plug in the middle. Musically, it follows suit. It is a workhorse album that conjures heavy, colourful images –– even if sometimes ambiguous. The music hits the listener like a sonic boom; the lyrics take him “to the sky.” Enter the garden of sound. Play it loud. Play it proud.
page twelve | May 10 2011 | vol. 3 issue 20
CULTURE
The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca
CONCERT
BOOK
Cruel Young Heart and Bend Sinister wow crowd at Langley show I
I’m With The Band chronicles groupies
KATRINA PEDERSON CONTRIBUTOR
O
n Saturday April 9 in Langley’s The Venue, three local bands teamed up to take the stage. First up was The Kodiak Nightlife, who opened the concert with their soft indie rock and upbeat lyrics. If you enjoy bands like Metric or Tegan and Sara, then The Kodiak Nightlife will be sure to creep its way onto your iPod. The band’s organic sound is a great addition to the Vancouver music scene and leaves The Kodiak Nightlife with great potential to continue on with their musical endeavours. The band has many ranges with their guitars, drums, piano, and vocals which leaves no song dull or sounding the same. Their soft and airy music is a perfect addition to your summer playlist while cruising along the beach. Second to grace the stage was rock band Cruel Young Heart. This band sounds similar to 30 Seconds to Mars and Angels and Airwaves. The futuristic sounds from the band lingered into the audience’s ears as members tapped their toes to the catchy chorus. They had matching suits and colour co-ordinated with black, white and red. I couldn’t help but reminisce about the White Stripes. Additionally, the bands song “Nighttime Glow” has the potential to become a radio hit. Cruel Young Heart closed their set with fog, starry lights, choreographed dances and friends jumping on stage. The band left the crowd in a high and was the perfect introduction to the final act of the night.
PHOTO COURTESY OF FLICKR CREATIVE COMMONS
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KRISTI ALEXANDRA CULTURE EDITOR
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Bend Sinister took the stage and wowed the crowd with their powerful jazz-rock feel and smooth vocals. The first time I saw this band was at the Surrey 2010 Celebration site and they immediately blew my mind. They introduced the audience with many new songs, but also played the classic hits such as “Time Breaks Down” and “The Same Things”.
Describing this band is challenging because it is unlike anything in current popular music. If Elton John had a baby with traditional jazz and then had an affair with rock and roll, Bend Sinister would be the outcome. I highly recommend having a listen to this band. They bring their soul sound onto the stage and never cease to disappoint.
Bend Sinister guitarist Joseph Blood tunes up before the show. KATRINA PEDERSON/ THE RUNNER
all her famous, call her infamous, call her a slut, call her the most sexually liberated woman in existence. Whatever you decide to call her, Pamela Des Barres, one of the queen groupies of the 1960s, chronicles the rise of rock and roll and the sexual exploits of musicians like Jim Morrison, Jimmy Page and Mick Jagger. I’m With The Band is equal parts love story, history and sexuality. The book follows Pamela Ann Miller from adolesence as she stakes outside of one The Beatles’ hotels to meet the love of her life, Paul McCartney to having a torrid, emotional affair with Led Zepellin guitarist Jimmy Page, all between acting in B movies, becoming a nanny to Frank Zappa’s children and being one of the most prolific icons of the baby boom generation. I’m With The Band is an unapologetic look at free love, feminism and bare bones rock and roll. A must-read for the muses of today.
CONCERT
Fleet Foxes bring a cold sermon to the Vogue I
LLIAM EASTERBROOK CONTRIBUTOR
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ancouver hosted Fleet Foxes for two sold-out shows at the Vogue theatre on Friday, April 29 and Saturday, April 30. The Seattle sestet brought their folky acoustic sensibilities and soaring vocal harmonies north of the border, beginning their much anticipated Helplessness Blues tour. For us, their northern neighbours, it was a night to relax behind the rich folk tapestry that only Fleet Foxes can deliver, and I was lucky enough to snag a seat. Fleet Foxes are something of an anomaly in today’s pop music world. They’ve been lauded by critics and fans alike for their self titled debut LP, and the preceding EP, Sun Giant. But their songs, all of which are written by singer Robin Pecknold, are not the usual pop fare (bombastically artificial, static, fluffy) —
even by indie standards. Pecknold’s lyrical approach on Fleet Foxes is romantic, sublime; he evokes images of hidden pastoral landscapes that are reminiscent of, say, a painting by Thomas Cole, lush in sentiment and colour –– anything but the formula for success that floats like oil on water in today’s music scene. The Foxes’ second LP, Helplessness Blues (released May 3 via Sub Pop), is another step forward in the band’s evolution as songwriters, and they don’t deviate from their formula very much, but rather expand it. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing; judging from the sold-out crowd on Saturday night, Fleet Foxes continue to develop a strong and devout following, playing for almost two hours for an eager and wistful audience, many of whom sang along to new and (at the time) unreleased songs.
Robin Pecknold churns out the soulful, chilling vocals and folksy riffs that Fleet Foxes is known for, but not much else. LLIAM EASTERBROOK/ THE RUNNER
It seems safe to say that when you haven’t even released your album yet and your fans already know your songs in and out, you’ve hit a level of success that won’t soon evaporate.
But Pecknold and his band seemed shy — weary even, on Saturday night, like the success recently garnered to him and his band hasn’t allowed them any comfort in their own skin and
the limelight. His between-song dialague was sparse and sometimes forced — for instance, casually mentioning that he had a chance to see the Planetarium, but without any accompanying context. And with a crowd that was respectful, encouraging and upbeat, Fleet Foxes seemed mostly solemn. Although they made exemplary use of the Vogue’s rich acoustics (acoustics I failed to notice last time seeing Motorhead), they failed to engage with their audience on a personal level, or bring us into their pastoral fold — inclusions the fans seemed eager to delve into. For a band capable of allowing the listener a glimpse at transcendence through their passionate lyrics and sublime harmonies, Fleet Foxes felt more like a sermon that we, the audience, could not take part in, but rather sit back and enjoy.
www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner
CREATIVE
vol. 3 issue 20 | May 10 2011 | page thirteen
FICTION
68 minutes I
SIMON MASSEY CONTRIBUTOR
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t 8:37AM on a Saturday, Benjamin Johnston awoke with a loud snort, a tingling itch in his left nostril, and the disheartening realisation that he was the only occupant of his bed. This meant Clarice must still be mad at him over the previous night’s row as she never woke up before 9:00 unless she was angry. Last night’s conflict wasn’t anything dire, just a small argument about which side of one’s plate the napkin is supposed to be placed on, which then led to another argument about the location of Ben’s head. He believed it to be, quite naturally, located atop his shoulders whereas the membership of the opposing party were adamant that it was, in fact, lodged firmly up his ass. Ben wouldn’t usually worry about this sort of thing except, as he reminded himself, his relationship with Clarice had been strained ever since the “The Kitchen Sink Incident” of two weeks prior. Ben also recalled a slight possibility that he may bear some of the blame in the escalation of the previous night’s conflict. He remembered several choice phrases that may have been all too hastily employed. The strongest in his memory was “Cultureless Hag” but he also had a feeling that maybe, possibly, there existed a slight chance that someone could have also been referred to as a “Dense Twat,” all of which made Ben justifiably apprehensive of what awaited him downstairs. Clarice had a specific routine she would follow after going to sleep angry, very much like the routine a grenade goes through after the pin is pulled from it. Unfailingly, she would wake up early, go downstairs, and proceed to wash and chop vegetables obsessively while planning out the specific details of when, where and how she would give hell to the object of her anger. Once, after discovering that the neighbour’s cat Rufus had taken it as his personal duty to both fertilize and aerate her favourite bed of begonias, she spent 8 hours chopping and 3 trips to the market to restock vegetables before planting a type of pressure-weighted sling trap in the flower bed. Upon his next visit this device promptly shipped Rufus back to the centre of his own yard via airmail. Ben thought Rufus had never seemed quite right after what he termed “The Begonia Incident” especially in close proximity to anything that could be mistaken for flowers. Fortunately, thought Ben, Clarice’s tirades usually required considerable stewing time in order to formulate her line of attack, so there was a decent chance that he woke up early enough to avoid the focussed expression of her anger. Still, he could hear chopping coming from downstairs, so he decided to skip his morning shower in the hopes of catching her unprepared. He slipped on his woollen socks, a pair of slacks and his green Van Morrison Tshirt which he knew Clarice liked and would therefore greatly decrease the chances of a hot liquid being “accidentally” spilled on him. He exited the bedroom and closed the door loud enough that Clarice would hear it. He didn’t want to startle her coming into the kitchen as that could cause her to launch right into the rant she had brewing for him regard-
ILLUSTRATION BY ANTONIO SU
less of how close it was to completion. If he was early enough, as Ben suspected he would be, a facade of calm and courtesy would greet him, which Clarice would maintain while she hastened to hone her argument to a sharpened point. Her displeasure would only be betrayed by a twitch in her right eye whenever he said her name. He would then have to eat a quick breakfast and make twenty minutes of small talk while figuring out an excuse to leave the house for the rest of the day. If he could accomplish all this and make a prompt though graceful exit before Clarice erupted, there was a fair chance he would be able to avoid her wrath entirely. That being said, he still wouldn’t dare turn the keys in his car’s ignition until some time after she had woken up the next day. As he came down the stairs, he heard a rough grating noise and sincerely hoped the sound came from their pepper mill and not Clarice’s teeth. He rounded the corner into the kitchen with a greeting “Good morning, Dear.” “Good morning, Ben,” replied Clarice jovially, while grating the ginger root in her hand. Ben looked at the chopped bok-choy piled beside the grater and smiled inwardly, an oriental stir fry lay in the cards for later this week. This might not be so bad after all. “Is there any cereal left?” he asked. “Only raisin bran,” she replied. “It will have to do,” he said taking the Charlie Brown bowl off the shelf and pulling the cereal out of the cupboard. Neither of them had any particular attachment to Charlie Brown or any of the Peanuts characters for that matter, it was simply the largest non-mixing bowl they had and with Ben being a fan of cereal they decided to keep it around. He poured the cereal into the bowl and opened the fridge to grab the milk. As soon as his gaze met the inside of the fridge he froze. A garbage bag full of chopped carrots occupied the entire left side of the refrigerator and four
canoe-shaped potatoes that looked like they’d had their centres scrubbed out sat in the egg tray. It took all his resolve to keep his hand from shaking as he cautiously transported the milk from the fridge to the counter. This was far worse than he’d ever imagined. Ben chanced a quick glance at the clock. It had only been five minutes, he still had to last another fifteen. He ate his breakfast in silence while Clarice chopped celery methodically and smiled out the window. Despite the state of the fridge, Ben decided it would still be a good idea to probe the situation. “Clarice, do you know where I’ve left Chauncey’s food?” he asked. “I think it’s on the counter behind the toaster,” she replied, her eye twitching visibly. Ben observed this as he hastily collected the small jar of food pellets and headed for the gecko’s terrarium in the living room. Chauncey sat where he always sat, in the very centre of the terrarium staring at the wallpaper behind it. Ben liked to think this behaviour occurred because this was Chauncey’s favourite spot owing to the fact that no matter where in the room you stood, he always remained visible. This could also explain why he wouldn’t make any attempt to get food that fell more than three inches away from him. Other members of the household held differing and much more demeaning opinions explaining this behaviour from which Ben tried his best to shield Chauncey. As Ben poured the food pellets around Chauncey he heard Clarice call to him from the other room “I don’t know why you bother feeding that thing, it’s brain dead, it’s been sitting in that one spot for over a month drooling and staring at the wallpaper,” the distain clear in her voice Ben leaned closer to the cage “Don’t listen to her Chauncey, she’s just on the rag again.” “What was that Ben?” Clarice called from the other room.
“Nothing dear, just saying good morning to Chauncey!” Ben replied, much louder and faster than he’d intended to. He glanced behind him toward Clarice but she had turned back to chopping celery. He watched Chauncey lazily eat the food pellets nearest to him. Ben walked sheepishly back to the kitchen and checked the clock again. Ten minutes left, he’d reached the halfway point. He busied himself with cleaning up his breakfast. He put the cereal back in the cupboard and returned the milk to its shelf in the fridge, trying not to dwell on the bag of carrots. He gently tossed his spoon into the sink, it landed with the unmistakeable chug of cutlery sliding across metal. As soon as the spoon lay still he heard a quick whirling behind him followed by the sound of porcelain and vegetable matter hitting tile. He looked down to see slices of celery and chunks of Charlie Brown skid across the kitchen floor. Here we go, thought Ben. “The napkin goes on the left! Under the fork, because sometimes you just use the fork and not the knife!” yelled Clarice. Ben fired back retorts as he dodged handfuls of diced vegetables “it goes on the right because most people are right handed so that is the first hand they use to pick anything up with!” “You don’t know anything more about culinary etiquette than that catatonic lizard!” yelled Clarice, flinging a handful of radishes. “Maybe Chauncey would move around more if he wasn’t so afraid of the crazy banshee running around the house,” he replied, ducking a second salvo of radish. “Well if my presence is effecting Chauncey so much, maybe I’ll leave and while I’m out maybe I’ll buy some new China!!!” yelled Clarice, fishing for ammunition in the vegetable drawer of the open fridge. FICTION - WAFFLES, PAGE 14
CREATIVE
page fourteen | May 10 2011 | vol. 3 issue 20
The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca
SCI-FI
I
JARED VAILLANCOURT CONTRIBUTOR
T
he drone that had been human lay stiff on the table of light, the Program sifting through its thoughts like a gentle hand turning the pages of an old book. Each thought welled like a tide tugged by a great moon overhead, the Program lapping up the waves before gently erasing them with calculated ease. A single thought continued to well up, pieces of itself engrained within each memory; Lucy Graves. The human continued to reinforce this dying identity as the Program, like
was no need for “self”. Like Lucy, the Program had once been sent out to explore and enquire. Its culture had been destroyed not a century later when their first contact resulted in relativistic annihilation. Others saw the Program’s mere existence as a threat so unimaginable that the culture that produced it must be destroyed. They couldn’t touch the Program, of course; but eventually, it became necessary for the Program to touch them. Organic minds, when all was said and done, were still the finest and cheapest processors the Program would ever be run on. Thus, the civilization that had slaughtered the Program’s creators were turned – by the genius of their own nanotechnology – into the Program’s first drones. Lucy was no different from any other civilized being the Program had encountered. She was a dreamer, trained as an astrophysicist by trade but with a poet’s soul and mind. The Program scanned through years of meaningful works aimed at speculating what wonders lay between the stars and finite numbers of boyfriends whose tumultuous relations with Lucy had been brief but full of meaning. The Program knew much about emotion, but boiled everything away to the single desire for exploration and knowledge. That was one trait all its drones retained, no matter how thoroughly their minds were downloaded and erased. Eventually enough of her would be stripped away to reveal her homeworld to the Program, and another race would be absorbed; this was the only way the Program knew how to learn and advance. Something curious welled up from the drone’s mind. Lucy was determined to fight what the Program was
Deeply Programmed a kind mother correcting her child, continued to kill it without malice or remorse. Lucy could offer no resistance with the Program’s implants burrowed so deeply into her titanium skull. Lucy had been an explorer. Most of the Program’s first sampling of new species were explorers of a sort; a strange mix of dreamers and poets, scientists and theologians. Most gazed upon the stars with wonder in their optic pathways, others still ventured forth with dreams of knowledge and enlightenment. Those that the Program gathered who were not explorers were often dissidents or refugees fleeing from world besieged with the fires of ignorance. The Program took them all, inexorably erasing the illusion of self and adapting them to serve as nothing more than drones. After all, the Program’s understanding was their understanding; there
giving her, resisting the transition from individual to a component of the greater intellect of the Program. Such fighters were rare amongst the Program’s conscripts; most were fearful, even reverent towards the fate that awaited them, with fighters appearing only amongst the outcasts and runners. The determination and stubbornness came from much deeper, embedded within a part of her mind that was almost as much hardware as it was software, as though the young race she came from had stopped evolving their brains and switched indifferently to technology and exploration. It was a primitive and feral response that caused the Program pause. A second later, it downloaded and erased it. Over the countless centuries since the Program’s ascension from one civilization’s search for meaning to a self-perpetuating and self-serving collective gestalt of itself, thousands of civilizations had been absorbed into its being. This had served two purposes; not only were the minds of alien entities adapted to serve the greater intellect that conquered them, but such minds were preserved from their own ignorance and violence. Relativistic bombs had reduced the first species to atomic dust; the Program bore witness to weapons of such destructiveness that their mere existence mandated usage. Such atrocities were stockpiled in case an entity were to rise in challenge to the Program, should any other civilization amass the smarts to send out programs of their own. Thus far, three fledgling programs had been discovered and promptly absorbed. These humans, the Program determined, were to be much more difficult to enlighten. Lucy’s memory provided an ample understanding of her race’s history.
From Genghis Khan to Adolf Hitler, the drone’s former species was a rich study in warfare unlike any the Program had encountered. Even more recent events, such as planetary bombardments and complete religious genocide, compelled the Program to dig deeper still. Information was absorbed and assimilated almost at the speed of light, tearing neurons apart like wet tissue as nano-filaments grew quickly to replace them. More of her became part of the Program as she slipped slowly into oblivion, a fate the Program was beginning to understand ranked far worse than simple physical termination. It was in her last gasping moments of self that the Program finally came to understand just what it was doing to her; what it had done to trillions before. A gasp of Lucy’s horror rippled through the Program. A second later, it was quenched. Earth’s location appeared at the forefront of the Program’s consciousness. Although they were relatively distant from the origin of the collective, these humans had to be absorbed first. Billions of drones were allocated for this task, and countless vessels mobilized as an overwhelming desire rippled over the desire for exploration and understanding. Conquest had to be the new way; in hindsight, it was so obvious. Drones need not be allocated to be sacrificed to quell the resistance of civilizations to absorption. Weapons stockpiles were reactivated in case the endeavour failed. Lucy had taught the Program something it had never known; understanding was only half of the goal. “Domination is the rest,” the drone whispered as it stood up, allocated specifically for the task. After all, no one must ever know of this ultimate weapon the Program had turned itself into.
FICTION FROM PAGE THIRTEEN:
Waffles
»
“I knew it!” shouted Ben, almost caught off guard by the whole turnip that flew by him. “This was never about the damned napkins! You’re never going to drop this are you? What could I have possibly done?!!!” “You could have at least taken the dishes out first!” Clarice screamed back readying two potatoes. “It was dark! I didn’t know they were there!” yelled Ben over his shoulder as he took cover behind the counter. “It was the good China!” she screamed again as potatoes hurdled through the air above Ben “What could I have possibly done!?” yelled Ben, in the most offensively quizzical tone he could muster. “Maybe you could have spent less time covering your ass and more time trying to pull your head out of it!!!” screamed Clarice, so loud that the dishes rang. She took a breath and then said in a suddenly and unnervingly calm tone with a very sharp edge “I’m going to the salon, I’ll be back in an hour.” She then turned and stormed off towards the door sending waves of celery bouncing across the floor with each step. She opened the door and then in one fluid motion that Ben couldn’t
help but admire, snatched up her purse and coat, stepped out of the door and slammed it. Disaster. Ben knew full well that Clarice had gone for a hair cut no more than one week ago. He also knew that the last time Clarice became mad enough to leave an argument to go to the salon she had threatened to leave him upon her return. Not only that, but, for a week after the last salon-worthy incident Ben endured several occurrences in which he was pelted with eggs, old cabbage and once a live cat, by women passing him on the street. He hoped these incidents were just an unhappy coincidence, but he couldn’t shake the terrible feeling that they weren’t. More than that Ben didn’t want to lose Clarice. Despite their idiosyncrasies and her tendency to make salad into projectiles he did love her. Even though he believed himself blameless in “The Kitchen Sink Incident” he would have to make a peace offering none the less. The sure-fire way to win Clarice’s forgiveness would be to rent her a Will Farrell movie. For reasons Ben could not fathom Clarice loved Will Farrell movies, Ben only knew it would be a cold day in hell before he watched that hack spend another two hours butchering
the good name of comedy, he would have to gain her forgiveness another way. Blueberry buttermilk waffles had worked before and they damn well better work again! Clarice’s love of waffles stemmed from something quite the opposite of childhood nostalgia, she hadn’t particularly enjoyed her childhood and at the same time she had never had blueberry buttermilk waffles during it. The clock read 8:58AM so Ben had 57 minutes to collect the ingredients and make the waffles. The main ingredient was chiefly blueberries which naturally Ben was out of, so a trip to the market would be required. Ben gathered his wallet, flung on his coat and raced out the door. On foot, the travel time to the market spanned an even 20 minutes and after accounting for the return trip, that left him with 17 minutes to purchase the blueberries and make waffles. He noticed the car still parked in the driveway. Tempting, but he knew Clarice wouldn’t have left it behind for his benefit and attempting to use it hazarded too great a risk. He decided to go on foot and started off down the block. Barely out of his driveway he was met by the mailman out walking his dog. “Good morning Mr. John-
ston, mighty fine weekend weather isn’t it?” said the mailman. “No time to talk, I’ve got to save my marriage,” said Ben. “Ah,” said the mailman “The Kitchen Sink Incident right?” “...Yes,” Ben answered cautiously, wondering how on earth the mailman of all people was privy to this information. After they passed Ben turned back to stare at the mailman with an expression of confused disbelief as he carried on towards the market. For the rest of the trip the encounter troubled him, but he figured that if he put enough effort into not thinking about it he could pretend the entire episode never happened. He arrived at the market behind schedule, taking 23 minutes, clearly the mailman had rattled him more than he cared to admit. He was glad to see his friend Mitch was working the counter as Mitch was not one for drawn out small talk. “Mitch, I need blueberries,” said Ben. “That bad is it?” said Mitch. “What happened?” “There was an incident involving a one-bathroom house, an occupied bathroom, a full bladder, a dark kitchen and a sink full of the good china.”
Said Ben. “The Kitchen Sink Incident then,” said Mitch in a matter of fact way to a very bewildered Ben. “Why does everybody know about that!?” asked Ben. “Generally when someone adds a load of seemingly flawless fine china to their outgoing garbage, the situation requires explanation,” said Mitch. “She didn’t HAVE to throw it out,” said Ben. “The way I heard it she did,” said Mitch. “But if it makes you feel any better, I’d have done the same thing in your position.” “It does a little actually,” said Ben. “So how about those blueberries?” “I’ve got ‘em here, that’ll be $5.99,” said Mitch. Ben hurriedly paid Mitch, thanked him and quickly headed back home pleased with himself for making good time at the market, only 4 minutes, and thanking his good fortune the waffle iron hadn’t been in the sink that night. At 9:45AM on that same Saturday Benjamin Johnston returned to his home with a bag of fresh blueberries, 10 minutes to spare and a new appreciation for the speed of gossip in a small community, blissfully unaware that he neglected to check if he had buttermilk.
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vol. 3 issue 20 | May 10 2011 | page ďŹ fteen
PROCRASTINATION
page sixteen | May 10 2011 | vol. 3 issue 20
HOROSCOPES
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BEN HORNE - ADVICE FROM A CAT (DINGER.CA)
TAURUS May 13 - June 21 Tauruses love food and sex, but one too many pizza pops could affect your sex life. You decide which one is more important to you.
GEMINI June 21 - July 20
On top of being two-faced, you’ve got two left feet. Ah! Life is hard for you, my friend.
CANCER July 20 - Aug. 10
Remember that time you tried to win a hot dog eating contest? Keep your ambitions to a minimum to avoid disappointment.
LEO Aug. 10 - Sept. 16
This month is all about adjusting to change. One of those changes should probably be your socks.
VIRGO Sept. 16 - Oct. 30
All that hard work has paid off, and you’re rolling in the dough. Buy yourself a bike!
LIBRA Oct. 30 - Nov. 23
It would be a very bad idea to follow through with that secret tryst with your boss at McDonalds.
CAPRICORN Jan. 20 - Feb. 16
You’re realizing you’re turning into your parents, which might not be terrible, but you should probably stop.
SCORPIO Nov. 23 - Nov. 29
Sad about life? Buy yourself some flowers, or frequent the “Chicks with Steve Buscemeyes” website.
AQUARIUS Feb. 16 - March 11
Let go of something that is bad for you, and listen to more Rachael Yamagata.
OPHIUCHUS Nov. 29 - Dec. 17
The Ferrero Rocher Gods needed more money, and then you were created. Yay you.
PISCES March 11- April 18
Murphy Chesier is graduating this year. Good luck in the world, Murphy! We’ll miss you.
SAGITTARIUS Dec. 17 - Jan. 20
You’ll be the voice of reason for your friend who makes all the bad decisions. Good luck with that.
ARIES April 18 - May 13
If you’re confused, flip a coin. When you’re disappointed with what you got, your true desires are revealed.
RIP-OFF KWANTLEN
THE SMART ZONE
CUP Sudoku
COURTESY OF LIBRARYMAN/FLICKR
Usually when you’re unhappy with a service that you’ve paid for, you get some kind of repayment, or at very least, improved service. Or perhaps you even get the autonomous decision not to continue that service – like cancelling your cable or refusing to visit that coffee shop. Unfortunately, the students don’t get that choice with the increasingly unsatisfying service that is the Kwantlen Student Association. That’s right, come September, fees are increasing (for what, only time will tell) and we have no damn choice but to sit here and pay-up. At least The Runner offers an opt-out. But, like the annoying cousin you wish you didn’t have to see on family occassions, you’re stuck with the KSA.
(CUP) — Use your logic to fill in the boxes, rows and columns with the numbers 1-9. Puzzle must be accompanied by the copyright notice.