How to Change your

How to Change your Perception of Normal By Sydney Dinsmore

"If you don't stop crying I'll give you something to cry about!" How many of us heard that one? As a child I only understood that I was actually crying for a reason but I certainly didn't want anything else to cry about. Were my parents doing the best they could with what they learned as children? Have I ever used this line on my children? Probably, but it didn't seem right when it fell out of my mouth.

As we grow up whether our parents know it or not our beliefs are being formed. Not just the beliefs of what our parents are teaching us but also from people we are surrounded by. We learn all about religion, customs, politics, social status and our values. These are paradigms that we form and believe to be our comfort zone. If anyone enters into our comfort zone that doesn't have the same beliefs we do, we tend to somehow fear them. If they don't share our fundamental values we prefer not to be around them.

We want to surround ourselves with people who have the same beliefs we do so we feel comfortable and inspired by them. But, maybe the beliefs we have as a foundation for raising our children could use a revamping. We are doing the best we can with what we learned from our parents, just as our parents did the best they could. But I'd like to propose that we can do better for our children.

The way we were raised may seem to be normal to us. But have you ever noticed that sometimes you sound just like your parents? However you aren't sure that's the right way to deal with a situation and you don't feel you have the tools to make the change. The only way we can use new tools is if we figure out that it's okay to question some of the beliefs we were raised with. Begin to understand that maybe we can make a difference in the world by giving our children a better way to raise their children. Our beliefs control our behavior. We need to first realize the problem before we can use tools to correct our behavior. I mean if you take your car to a mechanic and they just throw in a new carburetor without knowing what the problem really is, then they've wasted your money and your car still doesn't work.

So in this way, before we start using new tools, we need to take a close look at what we see as normal and be willing to change.

Today, I'm going to take a close look at how I behave around my family, friends, and business to see if I could use some new tools to better form the comfort zone I'm truly looking for. Am I cultivating and environment of love, respect, freedom and self-control? Or am I being manipulative and controlling?

Let's do what we can to help our children have the tools they need to raise their children better than we were raised. But first we need to be willing to see that perhaps our fundamental values could use a little change. Are you brave enough to do that? If you are an entrepreneur or thinking about becoming an owner of your life, give yourself permission to change for the better and others will want to follow you. Best wishes to you in your self-exploration.— About the Author Sydney is a successful writer and entrepreneur. She and her husband Glen enjoy being in nature, hiking, canoeing, fishing, and camping. In their spare time, they both enjoy working from home.

20 RuralLeaderMagazine.com | NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015 Likability Continued from page 17 vendor demonstrate anything less than total compliance, the narcissist takes measures often at extremes toward gaining control of the individual and a path of workplace destruction takes root in the form of psychological violence, also known as workplace bullying and mobbing.

Although, the extreme narcissists may be achieving strong business results, the behavior eventually undermines the very fabric that fuels innovation, creativity and growth. A Back Seat on the Bus At the turn of the nineteenth century there was a shift from character-focused culture to a personality-focused character. Likability leadership became King and competence took the back seat. This shift in character vs. personality-leadership also contributed to a new kind of leader and leadership culture for many organizations.

When character is removed from the leader, the organization focuses on self-made success and cancer begins to spread slowly within the ranks eventually ending in a downward spiral. As a mounting body of research supports, the best talent begins to signal and prepares to get off at the next bus stop when dysfunctional behavior goes unchecked. What is the true measure of a 21st Century leader? Emerging from the hearts of men and women, new leaders are rising who understand that gaining success as the world sees it isn’t filled with success at all but rather a deep level of emptiness.

Many up and coming entrepreneurs, socially conscience and not-for-profits are rising in America and beginning to change the game. It’s about greatness of the human spirit: serving people and sacrificing for the greater good. It’s the same human spirit that forged a nation of strong leaders who would die for moral ideals ~ truth, honor, integrity and each other. 21st Century leaders recognize that organizations’ striving for selfish gain is unsustainable. Selflessness and sacrifice are becoming the new measure of true leadership greatness.

Jim Collins, author of Good to Great and How The Mighty Fall, identifies that greatness is derived from passion and discipline. Key leaders who lead great organizations are often quite humble, strong-willed, and focused on excellence of a person or product. Collins’ research demonstrates that the good-to-great leader like Abraham Lincoln is humble, diligent, servant-like, and soft-spoken. His ability to successfully lead the country through one of the most difficult periods in history is untested. Naturally, a leader can be outspoken and humble, or shy and soft-spoken and not necessarily make a great leader. The definition of a 21st Century leader is driven by deeper characteristics of a person who lives and works in relation to a moral bearing.

As a result, they are often not interested in seeking the limelight or massive cultural influence; they prefer to be invisible. The Invisible leader uplifts those around them toward better productivity, innovation and better living. Individuals and workers are longing for leaders who are authentic; with a solid character that breeds honor, trust and integrity in their public and private lives. 21st Century leaders who take a courageous step of faith into the unknown and challenge others to push their own boundaries toward a new level of team greatness, will be the hallmarks of the sought after workplaces in future.

In fact, leading organizations are already increasing a return on value. The Best-In-Class Organizations Creating Better Leaders report that: 95.5% - other organizations try to recruit their employees 89.5% - everyone in these companies have the opportunity to develop and practice the capabilities to lead others. 87.3% - have sufficient number of qualified internal candidates who are ready to assume open leadership positions.

Questions to Consider While reflecting on your business strategy now and over the next 18 months consider the following: • What leadership qualities and competence are needed now? And in the future? • Which leadership qualities are counterproductive toward achieving long- term sustainability? • How are these qualities reflected by those sitting in the seats on your bus? • What will your organization need to do differently to ensure your bus is heading in the right direction and that the right seats are filled with the right qualities and competence now and in the future? • What actions are necessary to help you move this forward? Having the right leaders on the bus at the right time can make the total difference between accomplishment and greatness.

Additional Reading: Good to Great by Jim Collins The Narcissism Epidemic, by Jean Twenge Ph.D and W. Keith Campbell Ph.D Where Egos Dare, by Dean McFarlin & Paul Sweeney © Copyright. All rights reserved. — About the Author

Judy White, President, The Infusion Group, LLC, partnering with individuals, leaders and organizations to optimize the 21st Century Workplace through an infusion of people management consulting and professional coaching services.