Just One More Day

Let’s go over this one more time. The inferior mesenteric artery originates above the aortic bifurcation. From it branches the left colic artery, sigmoid arteries, and inferior rectal artery. Wait, was it the superior rectal artery or the inferior rectal artery? God, I always get them mixed up. Let’s just hope they don’t test it on the practical tomorrow. Why couldn’t they just ask us where the gallbladder is and let us get going. It’s not like all of us are going to become bloody surgeons anyway. As an aspiring psychiatrist, the way I see it is if I can tell you where the brain is (hint, it’s in the head) and the heart is (hint, it’s in the chest), I’ll be okay.

But here I was, peering through the contents of my cadaver’s abdomen, pushing aside the small intestines to identify vessel after vessel in the intricate maze that constitutes the human vasculature. It was 3 am. I was exhausted. I cursed myself for procrastinating on yet another exam. I had dismissed our practical as being an easy 100, that is, until my upper classmate roommate implored me to take it seriously, given how tricky they could be and how much they contributed to our final grade. So here I was, stuck in a room with 22 bodies, 21 of them being dead and the other being me. Although, if I failed my practical and had to redo the entire school year, my mother would personally take care of my embalming.

I didn’t even want to stay in the lab this late. I intended on going home and coming in early tomorrow morning after a few hours of sleep. But it was just my luck that tonight was the largest storm in New Jersey for the last 100 years. If I left now, I would have to wade in knee-deep water for a good 20 minutes. I’d probably step on a shattered glass bottle too and end up hobbling back to University Hospital for a quick round of IV antibiotics and some stitches courtesy of an enthusiastic albeit clueless third-year.

So I stayed put and went over the anatomical landmarks of the GI tract for the fourth time. I had finally found the appendix again when the lights went out. I took a step back from my cadaver. For a few seconds, I stood still in complete darkness. Then, the emergency light across the room turned on, casting a faint orange dim in the lab. I breathed a sigh of relief. Then I promptly choked on my spit as I saw what was in front of me.

“Dear God man, your lab group hacked through my portal triad like you wanted to give me a transplant. Too late for that, anyways. Didn’t you bother reading the lab guide? You were supposed to lift my liver, not sever it completely. By the way, you nicked my kidney while doing so, and somehow my gallbladder ended up next to my pancreas. You’ve got some explaining to do.”

“What the...how in the hell...what’s going on here?” I muttered. My cadaver, a gray-haired man in his 60s, had sat up and was trying desperately to keep his organs from spilling onto the floor.

“Am I dreaming? This can’t be happening.”

“If this was a dream, could I do this?”

He reached into his chest, pulled out his heart and tossed it from one hand to the other, high in the air. Then he put it back.

“Umm...if this was a dream, you could do that. That’s the only time any of this could be happening. I mean, you’re dead!”

“Don’t need to rub it in, kid. I know I’m dead. Besides, I just came to check in on you and see how you’re doing. Are you ready for your practical tomorrow?”

“Definitely not after all this,” I said.

“Alright then, guess I’ll just go. Last thing I want to do is sabotage your studies.” He began to lay back down.

Wait!” I shouted. “I’m sorry, it’s just that this is crazy. I’m losing my mind. I know I’m sleep-deprived, but I didn’t know it was this bad. I’m sure you understand why I’m so freaked out, right? Imagine if you were in my shoes and this happened to you.”

“You’re right. I know this is all a bit overwhelming. But I’m only here to help, in any way I can. That’s why I donated my body to your school, after all.”

“Yes and thank you so much for that. It’s truly a generous thing to do and it’s helped us learn so much.”

“Don’t mention it. I was glad to. Not much use for it after death. Anyways, let’s get back to your practical. Tell me, what are the four lobes of the liver?”

“Oh, that’s easy. Right, left, caudate, and quadrate.”

“Ah, very good. I didn’t drink a drop of booze my entire life so glad to hear my liver still looks textbook. My heart on the other hand...Now tell me, what branches off the celiac trunk?”

“Okay. Left gastric artery, splenic artery, and common hepatic artery.”

“Correct again! Tell me, why are you even here studying? Seems like you know your stuff to me.”

“Thanks but just wait until I get to the IMA. I keep getting its branches mixed up. But I’ll figure that out later. What happened to your heart?”

“A smart chap like you should have noticed what was wrong in a second.”

I cursed myself for slacking off during cardio.