[Title will be auto-generated] by RVA Magazine

www.stickyricefan.com

Adam Juresko Cut and Paste Jeff Grant

It’s hard to remember when Adam Juresko’s cut-up imagery wasn’t everywhere. Some pieces are on permanent display: a painted doorway of a café, monthly spots in a magazine, a framed piece in everyone’s home, and the most surreal – printed onto a soda bottle. Even some of his temporary work (18 of the hundreds of vibrant and fleeting fliers for various punk shows and events) has been immortalized in box-set form by RVA Mag. If nothing else, Adam has endured, mocking the odds for a man his size with an uninhibited tongue in a roughneck town, since 1996. “I’ve been beat up, I’ve been thrown out, but I’m not down,” or so the Clash song goes. He’s been instinctively intriguing and alienating people with fliers, posters, booklets, bands, odor and a defiant personality long before a limelight for such even existed here. Soon, Adam’s artwork will prove to be even more tenacious than he. He has a show running in Chop Suey Books from now until September. The meantime finds him preparing for a show at Quirk Gallery, opening Sept. 5th. He will also finish recording a full-length album this month. Then, he’s leaving. Jeff Grant You have a show coming up at Quirk Gallery. How did that come about and what will your involvement entail? 12

Adam Juresko Last summer, Melissa Roberts of Nonesuch infamy was kind enough to let me paint the walls and put up a few dozen horribly composed pieces. If memory serves me correctly I believe two people came out to see the fiasco, one of which was

Anthony Harris who bought a piece and then proceeded to bring it home and hang it up upside down. The other attendant was Katie Ukrop. I don’t think she bought anything, but from what I understand she doesn’t have much money. A few days later she contacted me about doing something at Quirk. At first I thought she just needed someone to sweep the floors after First Fridays, or change a light bulb, or maybe there was going to be some heavy lifting involved, but she actually just wanted me to put some of my artwork up. When I arrived to discuss the final details I was informed that the main show room had a 3-year waiting period. Knowing full well that no one would care about me in 3 months, let alone 3 years, we agreed that it would be best if I showed in the front room. As far as my involvement goes, I imagine I’ll

make the artwork and then hang it up. Then I’ll spend the rest of the evening having a slight nervous breakdown wondering why it is I think I have any business doing what I’m doing. Jeff It’s interesting though, curators scouting in smaller galleries. Most of your artwork thus far has been for punk fliers and bands – do you feel that your art is ever synonymous with those things? Do you try to separate those two aspects of your life? Adam To me there is no separation, and it has to be that way, and that’s just the way it’s always going to be; and I couldn’t be happier about that. I owe so much to that community, the spaces, the bands, the promoters. I’ll always play music, I’ll always make art; those are just aspects of my life that I don’t believe will ever change. If they’re synonymous that’s great. But that’s me. So I have to wonder, is there a separation by people that view my work? Do you see something I’ve made and make the connection that I’m heavily invested in the punk scene? Sometimes it feels like none of this really factors in anyway, because it’s not how I approach making art. I certainly don’t sit down and think, well, I’m a punk, so this is the art I’m going to make. Jeff Objectively, I think that it has a certain flashiness and boldness that recalls classic punk design. Also, cut and paste as a medium is rarely found in the “corporate world” but that could all change someday. Do you feel that this DIY background has affected your artwork beyond aesthetic, though, in terms of pricing, ethics, or maybe your definition of success? 13

Adam Beyond the actual artwork itself, yeah, it affects everything. I think that’s true for Richmond as a whole. I’ve been to hundreds of house shows, and I’ve also been to tons of art shows at people’s houses. There’s just an inherent realization in these two that says you don’t have to wait around for someone to green light your project, you just find a space and do it. That’s always been a source of inspiration for me. Bands tend to be pretty loud, so usually you need to confine them, but artwork doesn’t require amplifiers, P.A. systems or drum kits (usually), so you can set that up pretty much anywhere. Pricing has been a bit of a catch-22 for me and is often a sore spot of conversation. Is the art not worth it because it doesn’t cost much? Or is it because it costs so much what makes it worth anything? I’m pretty naive about the art world, and personally I’d like to keep it that way. There wasn’t any weird mystery about starting a band with your friends, putting out your own records (or having your friends put them out), touring the country, touring other countries. You could tell me how corrupt the music industry is, and I couldn’t care less. I’ve never dealt with that and that was by choice. Who needs that? I don’t see why making art has to be different. I’m going to approach this in a way that makes me comfortable. In the end I think you really need to jus-

tify why you’re charging said price for whatever said piece, and in the end I feel like I’m fully justified for charging what I charge. I don’t think I sell artwork because it’s “cheap”, I think it sells because people genuinely enjoy it. By my own definition, yes, I think that makes me wildly successful. Jeff Can you talk about the music you’ve been working on then, maybe where the inspiration to write those songs came from? Adam I would say 99% percent of it was born through feeling completely hopeless this past year. Best friends dying, long term relationships ending badly, new ones starting and ending badly. A perpetual sense of loss. That’s pretty typical I suppose. There’s a lot of down time when you’re feeling like this, and as productive as I try to be with my art, there were just days when starting a new project felt impossible. There’s not too much involved with guitars, though. You just pick them up and play them.

There’s no gluing, cutting, trips to the copier, the library, downtown, uptown, etc. You just pick it up and there you have it. Songs just kind of wrote themselves, and I before I knew it I had amassed a dozen songs or so. But in the end, the decision to record was something else entirely. I did that for my friends, for the people that still love me after all these years, despite me being a shithead. Recording’s almost done. It’s been a slow process in some ways, just in terms of how far apart the sessions have been, but the actual factual songwriting process was fast as hell, and I think that’s a true testament to everyone involved. Liza Kate, Josh Small, Erin Tobey, and you of course, all play on it and when it’s done I’ll probably lose the only copy of it on my move to Spain, and that will be that.

time I get lost on the bus. Being so far from everyone I love. The usual. I’m terrified and the most excited I’ve ever been in my life, and I’ll take that over anything else right now. New language, new culture and me in the middle trying to figure out where the nearest Kinko’s is. I’d like to set up a show in the first three months I’m there. I’m pretty determined; I think it’s entirely possible. Much like any major decision I’ve ever made in my life I gave this one about two seconds of thought before I made up my mind, so who knows. Worst case scenario is that I marry a beautiful Spanish lady and fully become my father.

Jeff Yes, you’ll be leaving Richmond soon. your plans for your art and beyond?

Adam That’s a really long name for a copy shop.

What are

Adam I’m moving to Spain in the fall. There’s no grand scheme, other than really concentrating on making art, writing music, just being creative in whatever way I can be. Different perspective is always good, and I’m looking forward to having that. I’m really excited to see what the first piece of art I make there looks like. I’m excited about hunting down new materials and hiding in the libraries. Finding out what it sounds like outside my new house at 5 a.m. The first

Jeff All Kinko’s are actually about to disappear and be called FedEx something or other.

Jeff Yeah they found out Kinko’s meant “scam me” in Japanese. Having lived here for so many years, any parting thoughts about Richmond then vs. now – the art scene, music scene, whatever scene? Adam Every aspect of it is better. And if you know me then you know that I’m saying a lot. That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

LOST IN A GYPSY PART OF TOWN: HOW I BLEW MY FIRST REAL CHANCE TO INTERVIEW GOGOL BORDELLO

LAUREN VINCELLI

PHOTOS BY PJ SYKES

On a mild June night, Eugene Hütz, lead singer of the notorious New York gypsy punk band Gogol Bordello, completely owned the audience at Toad’s Place. Emerging on stage in the same skin-tight neon yellow and black stripped pants as the last time I saw him, Hütz met the audience’s screams and frenzy with a frenzy of his own. Since I fir st discovered Gogol Bordello, I have seen the kind of fanaticism they have inspired in people, and to be honest, I have even found myself overcome with fanaticism for them at times. I have been a fan of their music since I heard their song, “Star t Wearing Purple” in the film, Everything Is Illuminated, based on the book by Jonathan Safran Foer. Later I found out that the film was also the silver screen debut of lead singer Eugene Hütz. The motion picture soundtrack included several 16

Gogol Bordello songs and the film also cameoed the band. In this film Hütz played the loveable, broken-English speaking tour guide, who is obsessed with American culture. He traveled with a young, neurotic, American, Jewish man (Elijah Wood) who obsessively collected relics and memorabilia of his family member s and traveled to the Ukraine to find the woman who rescued his grandfather from the Holocaust. After hearing and seeing this band for the fir st time I had to lear n more. I had to know what is Gypsy Punk and why should I star t wearing purple? I got my hands on as many recordings as possible and listened to the progression of their band and how they made Gypsy Punk, tr uly one of the newest and most interesting genres to make it into my iTunes. I followed this band closely on the inter net and then last year I was finally able to see them live. My friends and I were astounded. We all agreed that it was

one of the best live acts we had ever seen. They just gripped us. Eugene suddenly emerged onto the stage in skin tight yellow and black stripped pants. Then later Pamela Racine threw her sparkly bass dr um into the audience and crowd-surfed her way to us and back. I think ever yone left the concer t a little bit in love with life and a lot in love with Gogol Bordello. “They put a gypsy spell on us!” I joked to my sister. I’ve been telling that to everyone who will listen ever since. Never had a band sparked this kind of fanaticism in me, and I know I’m not the only one. My love of this band barely scratches the surface compared to the fer vor from other fans. Film maker Pavla Fleischer fell in love with Hütz in 2004 and decided that she had to be near him in any way that she could. She ended up following as

Hütz searched out musical inspiration and life lessons from his native Ukraine, Siberia and Hungar y. On her website Fleischer explains: “I had become obsessed with Eugene. That’s what it was. One drunken car ride with him in the summer of 2004 and I could not get him out of my mind. He was loud and obnoxious but with a passion I rarely saw in men I have known. He serenaded me with Gypsy songs and enchanted me with his spirit. I needed more time with him, but sadly, Eugene did not need me. He was after all the lead singer of New Yor k’s notorious Gypsy Punk band, Gogol Bordello, with no shor tage of female fans. Like a woman possessed I played my final card and appealed to the only think I could: his ego. “I’ll make a film about you,” I proposed and to my delight, he agreed.” Hütz’s charisma, enthusiasm, musical talent and unconventional good looks are no doubt what draw

many people to him. This fanaticism is not limited to The Pied Piper of Hützovnia, as Fleischer called him. Twenty-seven year old, self-described groupie, Svetlana Shargorodskaya, told me that ever yone in the band and traveling with the band has groupies. “Even the merch guy has groupies, and you know he deser ves them, because he wor ks really hard. Ever yone with them wor ks really hard.” Dressed in a spar kling paisley top and flowing skir t purchased especially for this show, Shargorodskaya told me about her love for all of the member s of Gogol Bordello. “They are all such kind people. They are concer ned for me, and making sure that when I go to their shows that I have passes, or making sure that I am getting enough to eat and that I have a ride.”

Shargorodskaya keeps a list of all the members and touring staff in her cell phone. She takes me through it telling me endearing anecdotes about each member, but there is one member in par ticular she has her eye on. Shargorodskaya asked me not to say who and explained that on the Gogol Bordello fan for um (http://avenue-b.net) fans have made an agreement not to talk too much about the band member’s per sonal lives. That night Shargorodskaya traveled from D.C. to see them play in Toad’s Place, and made arrangements to stay with another fan she connected with at a previous show. When asked how she discovered the band she told me that her father first recommended the band to her. However, it wasn’t until she got a mix tape from a friend that she really found a connection with them. 17

“At first I hated them,” she told me, and then she listened to their CD while helping a jail-bound friend vacate an apar tment on the heels of a recent eviction of her own. It was really good music to listen to when I was angry. It was good music to listen to and just say “Fuck it.”” Shargorodskaya told me that she once moved to New York to be closer to Gogol Bordello and that was when she fell for this par ticular band member. She ended up learning Hebrew, and traveling to Tel Aviv to “make a coincidence happen for her self.” She openly discussed how she used the inter net, YouTube and MySpace to connect with another musician who was an acquaintance of her hear tthrob. She squeezed him for information and lear ned when and where he would be in Israel along with which 18

bar s and clubs he frequented while he was there. Her trip was somewhat of a disaster. “It tur ned out that I didn’t know the language as well as I thought I did and also I think he kind of hates that countr y even though he is from there.” Disaster or not, here she was several months later following the band on a shor t tour of US cities before the band traveled to Istanbul for the star t of a European tour. Later she told me that it was not about the music for her any more; that she was considering taking nap while their set was on, and since they would be wor king anyways she knew she couldn’t spend time with them. Her eyes lit up at the sight of a tr unk full of back stage passes opened up in the press box. “That’s the treasure trove of passes right there,” she said. “The different color s for all the days of the tour” She spor ted a purple GB back stage pass on her pur se. When asked how she

could afford to leave her job and follow the band on tour Shargorodskaya only said, “That is a very private, per sonal matter that I will not ever discuss.” This mysterious infor mation came just after repeatedly inter jecting into her own stories, “I know I sound like a crazy stalker bitch.” In a bizarre way she seemed to fully under stand how weird and intense her behavior was. It was as if she couldn’t stop her self. Just like Fleischer couldn’t stop herself, and so many other fans on the web forum can’t stop themselves. Even I was beginning to feel like I couldn’t stop myself. Perhaps some of Shargorodskaya’s perseverance r ubbed off on me that night. I made my way back stage to attempt to score an unscheduled interview with the band I had been so enamored with for the past few year s. After their last encore song, I waited in the green room with several others. I

heard them coming up the stair s speaking different languages. Eugene was the fir st to enter, holding a towel and wiping his face. “Eugene I’d like to get five questions when you get a chance.” “OK, but I am just getting off of the stage. I need a few minutes OK?” “Fuck. I blew it.” I thought, I crossed my finger s and hoped that the band was really as kind as Shargorodskaya gabbed about. Across the hall Pamela Racine and Elizabeth Sun motored about their dressing room. Racine took a few minutes to speak with me. Racine, 29, has been performing with Gogol Bordello since its star t. She was living in New Yor k City with Heloise Williams, vocalist and key board player for the electro rock band Heloise & the Savoir Faire. While they lived together they were always perfor m-

ing, always acting, and playing music. Racine told me that the two of them remain great friends, though they no longer live together. When Hütz, a friend at the time, approached her about Gogol Bordello she knew it was for her. Racine told me that she feels like sometimes it can be difficult being one of only two women on tour with the band and that she is grateful to have Elizabeth Sun as a friend and band mate. She felt like having strong women in the group brought a sense of balance and an additional kind of diver sity to an already ver y diver se act. Still thrilled with the wor k they are doing Racine plans to stick with the band for a while. Racine has also been dating actor, Elijah Wood, since they met on the set of Ever ything is Illuminated. She was quiet about her relationship with him, but kind of blushed when I mentioned him. “I guess that cat is out of the bag now,” she laughed. “Is that cat still around?” I asked. “That cat is probably just reading the news paper or something right now.” she responded

nonchalantly. She wiped sweat from her brow and smeared her gypsy make-up across her tan forehead and just kind of smiled. We talked for a few minutes more. She was radiant and char ming and intelligent but soon our conver sation came to a close. All the comfor t I got from talking with Racine vanished when I entered the main dressing room for the second time. It was time to tackle Eugene Hütz. Many things can be said about Hütz but the first thing that comes to mind is that he is a REALLY hard wor king guy, they second is that he is very aware and matter of fact. When Hütz is not touring with Gogol Bordello he is traveling, acting in films, writing more music and DJing all over the planet. Last year Hütz stared in a film written and directed 19

by Madonna. With so much going on one would guess that the five questions I was permitted to ask him would be chosen carefully.

He is exactly the way his songs por tray him; cur t, bold, political, aware. I watched him from across the room for a minute before approaching him. I introduced myself.

as we began the inter view. Looking at his long thin legs, I finally coughed up a question. Here is what I remember about our inter view:

Nothing could be fur ther from the tr uth. I felt the fanaticism of Fleischer and Shargorodskaya r ush through me like a gypsy spell. I attempted to compose myself and Racine pushed open the door to the main dressing room. Nothing could have ever prepared me for what I saw next.

“OK, let’s do this,” he said. “Uh, do you need a minute?” I asked looking at (but tr ying not to look at) his bath towel.

LV So how do you feel right now? EH How do you think I feel right now? I feel pretty fucking awesome right now. LV So you just made a film with Madonna… EH Yes. I have, but we are not going to talk about it. LV Um, OK. So how has your life changed since you became a par t of Gogol Bordello? EH Well fir st of all, I am not a par t of Gogol Bordello, I am the founding member of Gogol Bordello. LV Uh, OK, So how has your life changed since you star ted Gogol Bordello? EH My life has not changed at all. It has always been like this. LV Even when you were a kid? EH Pretty much.

Eugene Hütz, lead singer of the notorious gypsy punk band stood across the room, his lean, fit body wrapped in a shor t white bath towel. My jaw dropped. I didn’t know whether to swoon or die. I felt my face get hot. I’m sure I turned beet red. It was as if I had never seen a naked man ever before in my life. In person he was very intellectual and ver y intimidating. 20

“Nope. I have five minutes; five minutes for five questions,” he said. He went to sit on a small couch in a cor ner and pushed some other towels aside. I remember thinking about that old trick for giving a speech, you know, just pretending ever yone is naked. That does NOT wor k so well in some situations. For three year s I had followed this band (though not as closely as some) and had prepared a million brilliant questions for them all. Not a single one came to mind

LV (Laughs) EH You are chuckling, but I am telling you that it has always been like this. At this point someone brings Hütz a change of clothes, a pair of boots, red pants and a brown shir t with green stars on the lapels. Hütz shimmies around in the towel in his seat next to me. The three chains around his neck jangle together in his chest hair. He slips his pants on awkwardly and the towel falls open a little. I’m flabbergasted. I don’t know where to look or where not to. I want to look everywhere. He towel dries his long wavy hair and slicks down his moustache. LV (Distracted.) So, um, it seems like, lately, you have been doing a lot of uh, acting, and do you think that maybe that is something you would like to pur sue more of ?

EH Yes. Awkward pause. LV Can you tell me a little about the writing process for your songs? EH I write about what happens to me ever y day; what I think about and what I feel ever y day. I write all the songs and music and then we compose the rest of it all together. We are lucky to have so many fans who are suppor ting us since the beginning. LV You have a lot of long-time fans. How do you connect to new people, new fans? EH There is no tr ying to connect to them, they either connect to us or they don’t. We don’t tr y. So maybe that is your fifth question? LV Huh? Oh yeah. I did say only five. So thank you for taking the time to talk to me.

I took his picture before I left. It’s an awkward photo of him. Like so many I’ve seen on the internet, he is in the middle of an action, perpetual motion. That’s a good way to por tray the self-described wanderlust king. I gave him an awkward hug and then floated out of the venue. I fluttered down the street to meet my friends. They had a million questions. What were they like? What happened? Did you get the inter view? I star ted to tell them “I saw WAY more of Gogol Bordello then I ever thought I would!” The next mor ning I woke up and rushed to my tape recorder. I wanted to cr y. It was all static. The tape was completely useless. That cheap piece of crap didn’t record a thing. Luckily I had managed to take some notes. I snapped back to reality. Damn. I thought to myself, I think I just blew my fir st real chance to inter view Gogol Bordello. Then I thought about the bath towel, and I grinned. 21

ter ous gospel and beautifully cr afted folk ballads, guitarist/vocalists, Sean Hoots and Andr e w “Hellmouth” Gr ay, as well as mandolin player/ vocalist Rob Ber liner, disassemble any pr etensions associated with the band. Since their for mation in 2005, they have had the for tune of sharing the sta ge with suc h big names as Dr. Do g, Langhor ne Slim and Will Ho ge… w hile still maintaining their ear nest and modest per sonas on and of f sta ge. After the br eakup of Hoots and Ber liner’s for mer band, Pilot Ar ound T he Sun, they moved to a dif fer ent le vel with their music. With this le vel came the soul that now defines Hoots and Hellmouth. For example, with Hoots and Hellmouth’s self-titled full-length, you can discover confessional ballads (“T he Good I Know You Know”) or str aightforw ar d, f aster folk jams that could find their homes with listener s of all a ges (“Home For Supper”). As described by Hoots in r e g ar ds to the band’s inventi ve take on tr aditional folk, “I think we ar e just tr ying to be w ho we ar e as opposed to f ashioning this object to some type of golden standar d. T hat kind of car ries on to our on sta ge per sona; it’s not ver y dif fer ent than our of f sta ge per sona.”

Shannon Cleary

Photo by Michael Dysard

If you’ r e fr om Ric hmond, you have pr oba bly hear d of Hoots and Hellmouth. T he Philadelphia band has made a name for themselves her e with an unfor gi ving, energetic li ve show that is a must to be seen and experienced. With a combination of bois22

T he band does admit that they often f ace detr actor s tow ar d their genr e. In or der to kee p things inter esting, the band finds ne w w ays to contribute to the linea ge of the folk/blue gr ass genr e. Gr ay shed some insight as to how he per cei ves the band’s pr o gr essi ve style: “If people ar e shooting for a tr aditional thing, they ar e shooting for almost a set of r ules, if you w ant to call them that. I don’ t think we do that as a band. I think we write w hat we write and we play w hile tr y-

ing to maintain an exc hange with the audience. It’s not a bout being folksy or tr aditional, it’s a bout writing the songs that we write. T he songs that we feel ar e tr ue to us. I think if you have a mandolin, a stand-up bass, and a couple acoustic guitar s, it’s gonna sound like something. Yet the songs behind it ar en’ t necessarily folksy or tr aditional.” Maintaining c lose contact with Pr a bir Mehta of T he R ac hel Ne v adas and Pr a bir and T he Substitutes, the band easily made Ric hmond their second home. Subsequently, the band played their second show e ver at Ric hmond’s Ipanema. My fir st encounter with the band w as at Galler y5 during the acoustic showcase entitled “Wood and Steel”. During the band’s finale, they enter ed the audience at a then sta ge-less G5 and ca ptur ed complete attention with a spiritual jam. I w as f la b ber g asted by the band’s a bility to c hannel so many emotions thr ough one set of music. T hey wer e obviously not a for ce to be taken lightly in the music wor ld. My hopes wer e to see them bac k sooner as opposed to later. My wishes wer e gr anted. T hey would continue to gr ace this city with perfor mances bac k at the g aller y, as well as T he Camel and occasionally Toad’s Place (outdoor s by the w aterfr ont and indoor s opening for the Hac kensaw Boys). Par t of w hat dr e w me to the band has a tr emendous amount to do with the band’s upbringing. Coming fr om a louder r oc k outfit like Pilot Ar ound T he Sun, Hoots felt that r e g ar dless of genr e “the spirit in w hic h we bring, the li ve perfor mance, the inter action with the audience, the playing, and how we involve our selves is indicati ve of the bands we played in befor e. I think all music is inf luential, not one par ticular kind. T her e is a lot of soul in a lot of dif fer ent kinds of music , you can kind of c hannel that, and e ven as the medium c hanges and the genr e c hanges and the instr uments ar e w hate ver, a song is

still a song. T he soul in w hic h it is sung and the spirit behind it is intangible and that’s undefina ble. T hat feel kind of per meates the band as it has gone along.” Ber liner also felt that r e g ar dless of the genr e of music , the sour ce could still be identified easily. As he adds, “I think, also, that player s ar e player s and writer s ar e writer s and singer s ar e singer s. You could take a player/writer/ singer and place them in another genr e and tell that it’s still them. Take Van Mor rison for example, he has come fr om se ver al dif fer ent genr es but it is all still ver y muc h him.” T he show at Toad’s Place on July 25th will be quite the ste p for the band in this city. Having star ted playing the cor ner s of bar r ooms like Ipanema and the di ves like Out of Bounds, their music will finally be fr ont and center for all to see. As in the wor ds of the band themselves, their music is “at once a cele br ation and a mour ning – c hampioning the human potential to feel dee ply and come to gether as a unified w hole, w hile bemoaning the f act that muc h in moder n life seems to wor k a g ainst that sense of community and bonding. It’s a cathar sis for 21st Centur y humans...it’s ne w music for old souls.” T his w as one of the fir st towns to take the band in. On July 25th, I think we owe it all to our selves to gi ve them a good r eason to kee p on calling this their home aw ay fr om home.

Hoots and Hellmouth will be a ppearing at Toad’s Place on July 25th, 2008 with Pr a bir and T he Substitutes and T he Old Cer emony. Tic kets ar e $10 (in adv ance) and $12 (the day of the show). Door s ar e at 7:30 p.m. 23

If you don ’t hav e a bes t frie nd, find one and get rea dy for the 7th Ann ual Bes t Frie nds Day wee ken d, taki ng plac e this yea r from Aug ust 15t h - 17t h. If you are fam iliar with pre viou s Bes t Frie nds Day wee ken ds, you will not ice that we hav e stre aml ined the wee ken d to thre e day s, ren ted all of Had ad’s and sch edu led a reu nion sho w for a ban d that nev er bro ke up. We hav e take n suc h extr eme mea sur es to max imiz e the cele br atio n. The end effe ct is a wee ken d with 20 Ban ds, 8 Wre stle r s, 3 Day s, 2 Rop e Swi ngs and 1 Lak e for only $30 ! If you are not fam iliar with Bes t Frie nds Day, then the fir st thin g you will nee d to kno w is it’s not just one day , it’s thre e. And , it’s not just thre e day s, it’s a lifes tyle . It is not a mus ic fest , it’s a stat e of min d. It is not just a wee ken d, it’s a slid esh ow of a yea r’s life in Rich mon d. It’s a cele br atio n tha t welc ome s eve r yon e with only one stip ulat ion: you mus t like frie nds . If you atte nd Bes t Frie nds Day with that guid ing prin cipl e, you will suc cee d! And whi le we kno w we don ’t hav we wou ld like to take a mom e to tell you thes e thin gs, ent to lay out the few sim r ules that app ly to Bes t ple Frie nds Day so that you can help rem ind oth er s: -No Glas s at any eve nts -No Pet s at any eve nts -Alw ays res pec t ven ues /ba nds /org aniz er s/lo cal bus ines ses -To Mak e a Frie nd, Be a Frie nd -No Circ le Pits on the Rop e Swi ng

Best Friends Day War d Tef ft

2 p. m . @ C ho p Suey B o o k s (1 3 1 7 W. C a r y St . ) Sc a v e nge r H unt ! Sig n in s t a r t s a t 1 : 3 0 . T he f ir s t 2 0 t e a m s o f fo ur w ill be signed up. Te a m T he m e s w ill g a in ex t r a p o int s. T he w inn ing t e am gets into H a d a d ’ s fo r f r e e . 7 p m @ Al ley K a t z (1 0 Wa lnut Alley ) $1 0 M unic ip a l Wa s t e (Wa s t e ‘ e m All line - up ) Pa int I t B la c k Q ua d ilia c ha C a us t ic C hr i s t B r ut a l K nig ht s Re lig io us a s F uc k

S at u r d ay

fr om 1-7 p.m . St.) @ T he Bike Lot (51 2 E. 8th $5 Ar mal ite T his Bike is a Pipe Bom b Cloa k/D a g ger Lem uria Mou thbr eath er Libr e li ve ente r tain men t by Luc ha

Pho to: Dav id Ken edy

fr om 12-8 pm @ Had ad’s Lake (790 0 Osb or ne Tur npik e) $15 All day w ater par ty with mus ic by the follo wing : Ultr a Dolp hins Br ainw or ms Dir ect Cont r ol Cann ibis Cor pse Polk a Mad r e A pesh it Envi r onm enta l Yout h Cr unc h Shel lsha g

2O N0Y F0O R E2S TA Y R A I T OUR D

TE T S A W L I PA MUNIC

As you may or may not know, w e (T he Wa s t e ) d e c i d e d t o ha v e o ur lineup p lay the Friday night B e s t Fr ie nd s D ay s ho w t his ye a r. We thought it would be a goo d id e a t o ge t b a c k t o ge t he r, b e c a us e no t only would it be a gr eat t im e , but d ue t o c e r t a in c ir c um s t a nc e s it w a s a c ha pter of our li v e s t ha t ne v e r ha d a ny c lo s ur e . All o f our ex- band member s hav e s t ill r e m a i ne d go o d f r ie nd s w it h u s thr oughout the year s. I gue s s t ha t ’ s w hy ne it he r P hil no r D a v e so muc h as f linc hed w hen w e b r o ug ht up t he id e a o f p lay ing w it h our old band mates. Not a lo t o f b a nd s s t ay f r ie nd s a f t e r t hey split and move on, but we a ll d id . We a ll a r e s up p o r t i v e o f w ha t eac h d oes per sonally and m us ic a lly. I t hink w ha t w e ha v e is a r ar e thing. It means a lot t o m e t h a t e v e r yo ne inv o lv e d w a s s o excite d a bout this idea. Shor tly after we decided t o d o t his s ho w, I d ug up t his o ld t o u r d ia r y f r om our fir st full U. S. t o ur. It ’ s c r a z y t o s e e ho w m uc h we ha v e gr own ov er the p a s t ye a r s a nd ho w m uc h t hing s ha v e c ha nged for touring in ge ne r a l. I b o o k e d o ur f ir s t t o ur w it h my br and ne w Hotmail accou nt , a r un - up p ho ne b i ll, a nd a bunc h of 7”s that I mailed of f. O n t he b a c k p a ge s o f t he d ia r y a r e scrib bled dir ections, w hic h w e r e p r o b a bly g i v e n t o m e t he d ay of eac h show fr om a pay p ho ne . I t ’ s a f a r c r y f r o m t o d ay ’ s Myspac e and Ma pquest r un t o ur s. I r e a d t hr o ug h t he s e p a ge s and I cannot belie ve how m uc h w e p a r t ie d e v e r y nig ht . T hing s ar e a lot dif fer ent with ho w t he b a nd o p e r a t e s no w. We le a r ne d a lot sinc e then. Don’ t ge t m e w r o ng. We s t ill ge t d r unk a lo t , but we definitely do not p ull s e v e r a l a ll- nig ht e r s in a r o w. B ut , it w a sn’ t all a bout the he a v y p a r t y ing b a c k t he n. We m e t a lo t o f gr eat people on this t r ip, a nd I t hink t ha t he lp e d s t a r t t he community of friends up o n w hic h t his b a nd ha s s lo w ly built its foundation. T his tour r e a lly m a r k e d t he b e g inn ing o f t ha t fo r us. Wa ste ‘Em All Line up is : Andy H a r r is, Ry a n Joy, B r a nd o n Fe r r ell and Tony For est a 29

Frid ay July 12t h New Bru nsw ick, New Jer sey Hou se Sho w (kin d of) it cer Firs t day of tou r! firs t des tina tion , and We arr ive late to our tou r is doo me d fro m the our t tha s ear app we tain ly (a hou se) had no P.A ., had sta r t. The sho w spa ce e of the ban ds non and t ine cab s bas y had no tha t, our van – afte r onl arr ive d yet . On top of allute s – had a huge pud dle min 20 for ked par bei ng FUC K! of oil und ern eat h it. OHup afte r wha t see me d to be w sho ds ban the had Fin ally, tha t non e of the ban ds an ete rnit y. We rea lize d t. Thi s def init ely thr ows a ine cab s bas a or . ht” a P.A w a bas s rig eve ry nig wre nch in our “bo rro t hap pen all the tim e. sn’ doe this e hop I us to pla n. tty mu ch poi ntle ss for We dec ide d it was pre afte r we ma de our dec isio n, s ute min few A y. , wer e eve n pla nds, Bal anc e of Ter ror a kid told us tha t our frie we dec ide d tha t it was in our playin g up the str eet . So, wea sel on to tha t sho w. bes t inte res t to try to wei rd ass piz za poo l hal l dea l this to r ove jum p We rus hed s rem em ber us? Can we and pul led the , “Hey guyThey sai d, “No pro ble m!” and on you r sho w?” thin g. rig! eve n loa ned us a bas sbei ng a lot of fun . Bal anc e of goo d The sho w end ed up r. I alm ost for got how Ter ror was sick as eve yed with the m in Ric hm ond , this ban d was. We pla red me . By the tim e the d, and they abs olu tely floo in the ban d was tra she sho w was ove r eve ryo nekin g $1 Coo rs dra ft. Our sitt ing at the bar drin , got so dru nk tha t he left me rch guy, Rya n Tei tjan tine to who eve r was trie d his sta nd up rou com edy set was jam me d f brie His w. sho the uck at sey ins ults and “fu uuu pac ked with New Jerr his set , he thr ew up all ove r afte ly ate edi Imm . you ’s” 30

the bar. The bar tend er didn kep t serv ing him . Hila riou s! ’t seem to noti ce and Sat July 13th New York City ABC NO RIO We wok e up from a roug h nigh that Rya n T. piss ed all ove r t of drin king to disc ove r wer e left with a weir d sme llingthe insid e of the van . We box, but no one was ups et van and a sog gy mer ch or anyt hing. We took our nea rly brok en-d own van to the us that we wer e fuck ed and thermec han ic, and he told goin g to mak e it arou nd the e was no way we wer e cou ntry with such a bad oil leak . Oh well . Her e goe s noth ing. The sho w at ABC No Rio was Terr or’s last sho w ever, so fun. It was Bala nce of a up. I fina lly got to mee t my bun ch of kids sho wed pen pal, Al Quin t, from Suburba n Voic e. He rule d! I love watc hing olde r guy s mos h! New York was our first sho w with our tour mat es, Voe tsek . They had a real ly fun coo l the peo ple in the ban d are,set. Judg ing by how wee ks are goin g to be a blas I thin k the next two Afte r the sho w, we walk ed t! Voe tsek and watc hed a sho dow n to CBG B’s with w with Toxi c Nar coti c, Cau stic Chri st, and Hell nati on. in CBG B’S. Som eon e told It was my first time me that Dan ny Like r was ther e, and I look ed all ove with no luck . I always wan ted r tryin g to find him We end ed up cras hing at the to mee t that guy. Bala nce of Terr or

guys’ house. Andy kept us up real late cracking jokes about his dick. Sun July 14th Boston, Mass House Show Sweet! A basement show with Hellnation! We showed up a little bit late, but it was no sweat. As long as the van continued to run, I didn’t care about anything else. It’s still steadily leaking oil. Fingers remain crossed. Did you know that Boston doesn’t sell alcohol on Sundays??? We didn’t either. Luckily, some kids in New York tipped us off. We came to town fully stocked with beer and booze. Craig from Melee set this show up and promised it would be a rager. He did not disappoint. A band from Ohio called Brody’s Militia totally ripped! Voestek and Hellnation were great, as well. Our set was pretty crazy. During one of our songs, Ryan (Waste not Teitjan) and I jumped up in the air at the same time. I wasn’t paying any attention to the spiked gauntlet he was wearing, and one of the sharp nails went directly into my eye! We both stopped playing for a second and were like, “Holy Shit!” Luckily there was no serious injury and we kept playing. That was a close one. After the show, we stayed at this guy named Ross’ house. This guy bought the bands so much beer and food – we stayed up ‘til all hours of the night eating, drinking and listening to records. I also snuck into a really old graveyard with Tobia from Voetsek. It had graves marked from the early 1800s and was really creepy and unkempt. We woke up the next morning and both bands played a live set on Ross’ radio show. Brandon ended up getting naked and streaking during Voetsek’s set. I wonder what the people in the studio thought of that one!

Mon July 15th Har tford, Connecticut El Tambo Bar I’m sitting in the emergency room right now. I fucked my nose up pretty bad dancing to some band. I got a pretty sick gash, and I think it may be broken. All the guys are out in the hospital parking lot basically having a tailgate par ty with a ton of beer and the stereo cranked. I’m probably going to have to sit here 69 hours and wait for some stupid stitches. Tues July 16th Buffalo, New York Custer St. House The drive from Connecticut to Buffalo took forever. We had to drive extra slow so we didn’t loose all of our oil. Whenever we stop now, the puddles get bigger and bigger. Right now, the puddle under the van is the size of a medium pizza! Ugghhhh. We just keep throwing more oil in it and keep rolling. Never say die! The show was a lot of fun! There were about 50 kids moshing it up in the basement. We’ve been using a smoke machine during our set, and it looks badass. It has a skull on the front, and smoke shoots out of its mouth. We call it “The Skull Fogger”. A Relapse records band called Uphill Battle jumped on the show. I love it when hardcore bands and metal bands play together. It’s so refreshing to hear different sounding bands instead of the same thing all night. We ended up staying at the house we played and had a really good time drinking it up with the local punkers. Weds July 17th Ithaca, New York The See Spot We were supposed to play in Toronto with Haymaker.

Due to the fact that our van is super sketchy, we found it best that we stay in the U.S. rather than risking a breakdown in a different country. We decided to back track a little bit and jump on a show that Hellnation and Brody’s Militia were playing. Of course, we had no idea if they were going let us play, but what the hell. At the very least we would get to see a good show. When we arrived, the guys were excited to see us and gave us the green light to rock. Having a network of friends rules. The show was at a venue called the See Spot – an ar t in this cobblestone strip mall area. Not a normal place for a show. The kids who showed up were not your normal punk/thrasher kids, either. These kids looked like they came down from the hills. We kept calling them “mountain punks”. The show went really well even though there wasn’t a big turnout. The kids that were there got way into it. Some of the evening highlights included watching the bass player of Hellnation smash his bass to bits and me being asked to sing a song during Brody’s Militia’s set. I really like this town! It’s beautiful, and the people here are so nice. Thurs July 18th Ann Arbor, Michigan Mr. Mugs Coffee Tonight’s show had an amazing lineup of touring bands – Waste, Voetsek, The Prowl and DFA. Holy shit, DFA rules! They play super fast and never let up. I couldn’t even dance; I just stood there with my mouth hanging open. Tonight was also Voetsek’s best set so far – the kids went nuts for them! Scotty (their drummer) is from Michigan, so a lot of friends (even his parents!) came to see him and hang out.

After the show we stayed with some friends of Scotty’s and stayed up really late drinking. Andy, Brandon and Ryan ran around making a bunch of hilarious home videos. One was called “The Piano”, and it’s a real tearjerker. I can’t wait to see DFA again.

After the crappy radio show, we headed over to Extreme Noise records. This place is a great all-volunteer run record store in Minneapolis. We walked around drooling at all of the good stuff they had! Brandon spent over 94 bucks on hardcore records. I think he’s broke now. I think we are all broke now. The show was at a really tight space called Babylon. DFA and a band called Death First played. The venue was so freaking hot, though. The Waste and DFA decided that we should do a split 7” together. I think that would be a ripper. We just got to find a sucker to put it out. After the gig, DFA had to head back to Canada. We all took pictures and sent them on their way. I can’t wait to see those guys again. After the show we stayed at Jason Wade’s house. We chilled hard and watched weird porn movies. I finally got a shower. Thanks Jason!

Friday July 19th Chicago, Illinois House show Uh, oh. The house we played got a keg for us. I think this was our drunkest set yet. I know somebody broke their nose while we played. I spent an entire song’s length wrestling an older Mexican man. I lost. Our good friend, Paul from Wheelbite, was in town. After the show, he and some locals took all of us to a par ty where we weren’t invited. Within the first few minutes of being there, one of us stage dove off the kitchen stove and took out a bunch of people. On our way out after being told to leave, Paul slipped and managed to send both of us tumbling down an entire flight of stairs; it was so sketchy, I thought I was dead. We just kind of lay there for a second at the bottom of the stairs with a “holy shit” look on our faces. After the par ty, we made the locals take us by the Real World house so we could pee on it. Our trip to Chicago was complete!

called Weaving the Deathbag and USV. I wish these bands would come to Richmond! It sucks that we all live so far away from each other. I got a demo tape from both bands. Once again, stoked! The Waste set was good. We were trying out a lot of different songs in the set to keep things interesting. Actually, I honestly couldn’t tell if we played well or not since Ryan and I drank so damn much beforehand. I take it back, we probably were horrible. We ended up staying at a guy named Mike’s house and played Uno ‘til dawn!

Saturday July 20th Madison, Wisconsin Community Center

Sunday July 21st Minneapolis, Minnesota Babylon Gallery

We weren’t sure what to expect tonight, but we ended up having a really good turnout. I’m really surprised by how well this tour is working out! Besides Voetsek, two really sweet bands played

We are all getting worn out. We stayed up all night and then woke up early to do another live set on a radio show. We have all came to the agreement that we hate doing radio shows. They always sound like shit, and no one ever listens to them.

Monday July 22nd Des Moines, Iowa The Fallout Shelter The drive seemed like an eternity! The van is still messed up, so we had to drive extra slow. We all knew in the back of our heads that the drive to Denver the next day was going to be even longer. But that’s how it goes, I guess. The show went pretty well except for the fact that some asshole stole all of the door money. I guess someone watching the door wasn’t looking for a second and yoink!, no more money. Bummer. I can’t believe that punks would actually steal from each other. We played our set and got the hell out of there.

Tuesday July 23rd Denver, Colorado The Junkyard After a brutal overnight drive, we arrived to Haraldo from Catheter’s house. We took naps and rested up because we knew tonight was going to be special – a Waste show at a Junkyard! It was like a dream come true for us. Tonight is also the first of ten shows with Catheter and us. I was really looking forward to seeing them, and they did not disappoint. Total Napalm Death worship! Our set was a lot of fun, too. There were tons of fireworks going off and big circle pits. A band called Scott Baio’s Army played. With a name like that, how can you go wrong? I like Denver a lot. The town is really beautiful, and they have a health food store here the size of a Wal-Mar t. I can definitely see myself living here one day. I think my highlight of the night was while we were playing Toxic Revolution. Brandon lost grip of his drumstick and it flew, like, 15 ft. straight in the

air. He actually caught the stick during a pause in the song and kept playing – he didn’t miss a single beat! It looked so sick! That kid is a maniac. Weds. July 24th Salt Lake City, Utah Nowhere Fuck Kelly Brown if you are booking a tour and she says she is doing your show. You might as well shove a sharp object directly up your ass. You will have a better time with that. Thurs July 25th Reno, Nevada Reno Skatepark We left Salt Lake fast and got a hotel just inside of Nevada. I can’t believe the van is still running. This shit is nuts. Last night at our hotel room, I learned something new about the Waste. We have a serious gambling problem. Andy and Ryan stayed up ‘til daylight hopping from casino to casino. The beers here are super cheap, too, so that did not help matters much. We left in the morning and headed for the skate park in Reno. Driving sucks. I can’t wait ‘til we are big rock stars and have some old guy drive us around in a bus. That would be tight. Ha! We finally got to Reno and ran into our friends in Iron Lung. We also ran into the guys from Killed in Action. The Waste and Killed in Action in the same city is always trouble! We get along great with those guys, and crazy stuff always happens. I have a feeling the next few days are going to be nuts. The skatepark show was a lot fun. Not a lot of people came out, but we went big. Killed in Action’s set was wild, as always. They are so much fun to watch. They have two singers. Both of them (Ryan and Travis) go nuts and beat the crap out of each other. Both were sliding around

the skate ramps and whacking each other in the nuts. I think these guys are the funniest front men going… good stuff. The next 3 shows are with The Waste, Voetsek, Catheter, and Killed in Action – lots of touring bands. We will probably make zero money, but who cares. This shit is so much fun. After the gig, we packed our shit and went straight to the casino. You can’t keep us away from it! I think Ryan, our merch guy, is the worst. He won 60 bucks then lost it seconds later. If I had money, I’m sure I would have lost it, too. We ended up being out super late and then crashing at Jensen from Iron Lung’s house. Andy and I stayed up trashed while everyone was sleeping. We ate all Jensen’s food. Sorry, Jensen! That was rude of us. I’ll mail you a bag of tor tillas or something. Friday July 26th San Francisco Burnt Ramen Tonight was our first show in the San Francisco area. Due to us being so excited and nervous, we all star ted drinking really early. I was shitfaced by the time Killed in Action star ted playing. The place we are playing is called Burnt Ramen. The venue is located in a really sketchy par t of Richmond, California and is run by a guy named John the Baker. The vibe here is amazing! Tonight we finally got to meet Jeff who (along with Athena from Voetsek) put out our record. He also hooked us up with a bunch of merch that we got shipped from home. By the time we got on stage, the entire band was hammered. I really don’t think it mattered, though, because it seemed the crowd was just as drunk. Even Ryan Teitjan was so smashed that he got on the mic and did his 33

stan d up com edy rou tine (un it! He did way bett er her e der the alia s San Fra ncis co Trea t). He rea lly slay ed was “Sa n Fra ncis co? Mor e than in New Jers ey! My favo rite joke he said this time Cath eter ’s set was a lot of like San Fra nsh itsc o! THI S PLACE STIN KS!” ran dom thin gs at them likefun, too. Afte r eve ry son g they played, we wou ld cha nt “Ho ly Shit , Holy Shit !” or Tigh t!” “Th at was Tigh t! Tha t was We end ed up goin g bac k to to Jeff and Bra ndo n spin harJeff and Ath ena ’s, too k som e bon g rips, and liste ned dco re reco rds all nigh t. Sat July 27t h San Fra ncis co, Ca Mis sion Rec ord s This is the firs t of two sho Awa ken ing and Max 625 ’s ws tod ay. We played a reco rd stor e with KIA , The to driv e acro ss tow n to Ber new ban d, Sto ckh olm Syn dro me. Afte r this, we hav e This sho w was pre tty goo kley to play the 924 Gilm an. clos e to the stage dur ing d exc ept for the fact that I was stan ding a little too KIA’ s set, and Tra vis acc iden in the hea d. I hav e a hea dac tally dro p kick ed me righ t he, but it’s all goo d. Sat July 27t h San Fra ncis co, Ca 924 Gilm an Gilm an was way bigger than Twis ters in Rich mon d, but I exp ecte d. I tho ugh t it was goin g to be the size of This was our last gig with I was wro ng. tho se guy s and gals, and Voe tsek , whi ch was a bum mer. We gre w rea lly fond of I’m goin g to mis s them . The fina lly got to see Hol ier than sho w was rea lly coo l. falli ng all ove r the plac e and Tho u, who kick ed so muc h ass. The ir singer wasI Afte r the gig, Sco tty had an was sup er inte nse . drin king ‘til the sun cam e end of the tou r par ty and we stayed up onc e aga in up. I love this plac e. Sun July 28t h Los Angeles Ca The Sme ll I use d to live in Lon g Bea ch, are a to thra sh som e old frie so I was pre tty exc ited to mak e my way bac k to this The sho w was so nuts. We nds …a nd thra sh we did! rus hed the stage and jum played a Pois on Idea cov er, and the kids stra ight bum ped me. The re was a 30- per dur ing that son g. We got pum son pile up on the stage mel ed.

Tonight’s lineup was great – The Runamucks, Catheter, Face Down In Shit, Bad Acid Trip, Reagan SS, and more. I think the coolest band I saw is called Maggot Colony. They were super-fast grind. They had a blind drummer! I’ve never seen that before, and he played his butt off. Super talented. Other than us having to stop playing a couple times (due to people moshing our equipment) tonight’s set was by far my favorite. It was good to come back here and have a great show in front of some old friends. Mon July 29th Las Vegas, Nevada Sk8 City The Waste, KIA, and Catheter got hotels right near the main strip in Vegas. We got tore up. Really tore up. Someone figured out that you could bring your own beer into casinos AND you can drink on the streets. Oh, brother. We ended up not going to bed until 8:30 the next morning, but not before moshing a hole in the wall, completely trashing our hotel room, dining and dashing, and narrowly avoiding a couple fist fights. I think we played a show there, too. Tues July 30th Flagstaff, AZ Venue? Our most hung over set yet. I wanted to take naps between songs. Weds July 31st Albuquerque, NM The drive was pretty shor t today. We were all in a pretty good mood, so the show went really well. There were some really good local bands, and a lot of people were stoked to see us. I think our smoke machine is fucking my lungs up. My throat sounds like a turd. I’d have to say that after the show was some of the hardest par tying we’ve done all tour. I wasn’t with Ryan, Andy, and Ryan T. judging by the Polaroids they took, though, these guys got into some serious shit. From what I gathered they somehow ended up getting involved in an all-nighter with an ex-pro baseball player and his wife. They ended up rummaging through his belongings and took the most ridiculous pictures in really strange clothing. In one of the pictures Ryan looks like Sinbad! While those guys raged, Brandon and I stayed up all night at some house watching Infest videos and drinking beers while people did drugs around us all night. Tour is nuts, man.

Thu rs Aug ust 1st Okl aho ma /Texas Sho w Can cel led

we re this sho w bec aus e we We dec ide d to can celof us sle pt. We cou ld bar ely so hun g ove r. No ne the Wa ste bar ely sur viv ed fun ctio n. It see ms likeide d it wo uld be bes t if we Albuqu erq ue. We dec rec upe rat e. jus t too k a day off to ned out to be a bad ide a. Un for tun ate ly, tha t tura tire , and (of cou rse ) we We end ed up blo win g re stu ck in the mid dle of had no spa re. We we get ting hel p fro m a one now her e. We end ed up boy in a pin k shi r t. Thi s arm ed guy and a cows als o sto ppe d to che ck on pla ce is we ird . The coppin g they jus t che cke d our us, but ins tea d of hel van . I rea lly like d it wh en IDs and sea rch ed theins ide the van and rea d one the cop wa s loo kin g d wit h a rea lly str ong Tex as of our stic ker s out lou nos e?” We all got a lau gh dra w – “Sayta n has yer out of tha t one . the inc om ple te, bu t it’s T his tou r dia r y is an y tou r. I on n itte wr r ve e mo st I ha ve on ly d exc ite me nt co uld gu es s the thr ill an d two ha We g. lon so fig ht of f my AD D for t by the tim e I fin r lef mo r e we ek s of tou my se lf I am r ea lly kic kin g ish ed wr itin g thi s. bu t I gu es s it, g itin wr on up no w for gi vin g yo u ds . Oh , an d in ca se yo u kn ow ho w it en it! de ma an the v we r e wo nd eri ng …

present:

SPEAKING WITH SPOKES 08.01.08 RICHMOND MONROE PARK 6:00PM

A GROUP BIKE RIDE THROUGH THE CITY TO BENEFIT BOOKS ON WHEELS AND BIKE CULTURE!

Need Supply Co.

INTRODUCES:

25c ENVIROCREDIT IF YOU WALKED, BIKED, SCOOTED, OR RODE THE BUS TO OUR STORE,

ask the cashier for your credit.

SPEAKING WITH SPOKES 08.01.08 speakingwithspokes.org

Pa i n t Wa s t e th at ne ve r ow fo r a ba nd fo r ei gh t A r eu ni on sh er th ge r be in g to ci de d to br ok e up ! Af te de s pa l Wa st e ha Wa st e, ye ar s, Mu ni ci ay R th wi e sh ow an do n Br pl ay a on e- tim d an An dy Ha r ris To ny Fo r es ta , st al bu m, fir r ei th of eu p Fe r r el l, th e lin ar ou nd fo r ! If yo u we r e Wa st e ‘e m Al l ow s, yo u th os e ea r ly sh th e in sa ni ty of g no t to in th me so th is is wi ll kn ow th at be mi ss ed ! 38

I t m ig ht no t m a k e s e ns e t ha t a b a nd w it h o nly t w o p e o p le c o uld ha v e s uc h a f ul l s o u nd , but o nc e yo u m e e t S he ll a nd Je n yo u w ill ge t it . She ll’ s s im ult a ne o us ly m e lo d ic a nd p ie r c ing g uit a r, Je n’ s d e c e p t i v e ly s im p le p e r c us s io n, a nd t he v o c a l ha r m o nie s b e t w e e n t he t w o c r e a t e a s um t ha t is f a r g r e a t e r t ha n t he p a r t s. T hey p e r f e c t ly e m b o dy t he id e a o f B e s t Fr ie nd s. Yo u w ill no t b e a ble t o s t o p s m iling d ur ing t he ir s e t .

Black

So you’re 26 now and you have written off ever ything about hardcore that you grew up with. Think again. Paint it Black have kept hardcore solid and tweaked it just a notch, reminding you of why you got into punk to begin with. These guys just dropped a dope album on Jade Tree, entitled New Lexicon , where they took hardcore to the next level, incorporating indie hip-hop ar tist Dalek, who added his own influences into the mix. These guys have done some really cool stuff in the past year including playing a show in the middle of the street in Philly (where kids were jumping out of trees while they played), a tour with Leatherface, and they set up their own mini fest in Philly for their record release. If anyone is still doing shit right

Pho to: Dan iell e Klin

M o u t h b r e at h e r R ic hm o nd ’ s s o lid unit ha r n e s s e d by a w a ll s o und . T he s e g uy s ha v e c o ns is t e nt ly p laye d in R ic hm o nd b a nd s (Wo w, O w ls ! a nd T h e Se t U p ) fo r ye ar s. O n e c o uld c o ns id e r M o ut hb r e a t he r t o p lay a fo r m o f p o s t ha r d c o r e t ha t r e m i ni s c e s s o m e b a nd s f r o m t he N o r t he as t ov e r t he p a s t f e w d e c a d e s. Re c e nt ly t h e s e g uy s ha v e d o ne a 7 ” a n d L P w it h Flo r id a ’ s d is t ing uis he d Kis s o f D e a t h r e c o r d s a n d ha s a n up c o m ing s p l it w it h Flo r id a bud d ie s Env ir o nme nt a l Yo ut h C r unc h.

W ha t ha p p e ns w he n yo u t a k e Ad a m G o r e n (At o m a n d H is Pa c k a ge ), D a n Ye m in (L if e t im e , K id D y na m it e , Pa in I t B la c k ), M ik e M c K e e (K ill t he M a n W ho Q ue s t io n s ) a nd Je f f Zig a (Af f ir m a t i v e Ac t io n J a c k s o n) a nd p ut t he m in a b a nd ? Yo u ge t t he a w e s o m e ne s s t ha t is P hila d e lp hia ’ s, Arm a l it e . Fo r a b a nd w it h s uc h a m a z ing t a l e nt i t is no w o nd e r t ha t Ar m a lit e p lay s p un k r o c k w it h g r e a t i nt e g r it y a nd s o m e o f t he b e s t ho o k s e v e r. T he b a nd p lay s v e r y f e w s ho w s a ye a r ; R ic hm o n d is v e r y fo r t una t e t o ha v e t he m p lay o ur c it y. Photo: Brian Kelleher

Yo u t h Ec o - f r i e nd ly p unk r o c k f r o m St . A ug us t ine , F L w it h s o m e o f t he b e s t c la s s ic r o c k r if f s e v e r. EYC p lay s s o ng s a b o ut s ur f ing, s w im m ing, r id ing b ik e s a nd e v e r y t hi ng t ha t yo u w a nt t o d o in t he s um m e r. T he s e g uy s m ig ht m a k e yo u w a nt t o r id e yo ur b ik e in t he la k e a t H a d a d ’ s.

A p es h i t

A p e s hit s o und s ex a c t ly w ha t yo u w o uld t hink A p e s hit s ho uld s o und lik e – a b a nd t ha t in v o k e s s uc h c ha o s t ha t a f t e r t hey p lay yo u m ig h t ha v e fo o t p r int s o n yo ur c e iling. T h e s e g uy s p lay s p a z z y ha r d c o r e t ha t is r e m in is c e n t o f o ld G r a v it y b a nd s f r o m t he 9 0 s. Ev e n t ho ug h t hey a r e f r o m B r o o k ly n , N Y, A p e s hi t m ig h t a s w e ll b e a lo c a l b a nd in R ic hm o n d , s e e in g t ha t e a c h m e m b e r ha s a t o ne t im e o r a no t he r c a ll e d R ic hm o nd ho m e .

f al se ad ve r tis wo r st ca se of ll ca I ? S. B. Pr ob a bl y th e No le we ek en d. en th is in g fo r th e w ho tim e I ha ve se y r ve e t os m b ba th ! Sa us bu lls hi t! Al rio k ou t so m e se oc r To ny ey th e r , su nd ba I am so we ll th at st r at he c or t T he y pe rfo r m no r ng hi m se lf fo ng . Io m m i is ki c ki ig in al r ec or di af ” on th e or Le et we in g “S

B rass Ba n d Ph ot o: As hl y

Photo: Aar on K ahn

Fl o r id a d ud e s w ho ha v e p laye d in s uc h bands as Asshole Pa r a d e a nd S a v a ge Br utality. Fast, p is s e d o f f ha r d c o r e t hat f it s in perf e c t ly w it h t he ir p a s t bands. T he band r e le a s e d a r ip p ing EP last year and has a s p lit w it h Flo r id a Mekango NT on No I d e a in t he w o r k s.

Co vin gt on

cha a i l i d Qua

ca tc hy po p In sa ne ly f as t of th r as h ts hin th wi pu nk nd br ok e ba his T inf lue nc es . t lef t a bu s up in th e lat e 90 th os e on n sio es pr las tin g im gh to ou en y k w ho we r e luc ll be on e wi his T . em th ca tc h mo r a ble se ts of th e mo r e me If yo u ha ve of th e we ek en d. th is ba nd , of d ar ne ve r he a pp oin te d. dis yo u wi ll no t be

C o m b ining o l d s c ho o l har dcor e w it h mode r n und e r g r o und r o c k , Cloak/Da g ger have p r ov e n t he m s e lv e s t o b e one of the mor e int e r e s t ing b a nd s t o c o me out of Ric hmond r e c e nt ly. I n t he p a s t year Cloak/Da g ger ha s r e le a s e d t w o c r uc ial r ecor ds, We Are o n J a d e Tr e e a nd Kamikazes on Ric hmond’s o w n G r a v e M is t a k e . T he s e guys als o f eat ur e t he t a le nt s o f C o unt Me Out, Majority Rule , a nd Am e r ic a n N ig htmar e.

Madre

M ex ic o C it y ’ s Po lk a M a d r e p lay p o lk a p unk r o c k w it h a s le w o f ins t r u m e n t s, inc lud ing c la r ine t s, a c c o r d io ns a n d t r a d it io na l r o c k ins t r um e nt s. T he s e c a t s ha v e p laye d R ic hm o nd t w i c e in t he p a s t ye a r a nd t h e s ho w s ha v e b e e n o f f t he ho o k , p r ov ing t he b a nd t o e ns ur e a s p e c t a c ula r t im e .

Day ! T hes e guy s (an d ada to play Bes t Frie nds T he fir st ban d fr om Can of the Dw ar ves and ain v the r oc k and r oll in g als) play ene r get ic f ast elea ses fr om Der ang ed T his ban d has se ver al r Tur bon e gr o but f ast er. (ow ned by Ric hmo nd’ s ds r eco r f af own Rif f R Rec or ds and Ric hmo nd’ s Bitc h). pr emi er gen tlem en, Ton y

Photo: David Waldma n

B r u ta l

Phot o: Jaso n Left on

G u ll

k, or yo ur go it’ s go nn a su c k in th u ov en yo d n ba nd an ha ve be en pr he ar a on e- ma On ce a g ai n we az ty. am r e pa th y n No r ma lly yo u da ke th ta r s t- ye ar -o ld ’s bi r uc k) , w ho ha gh kt es ei ac do Sn d an , an to ns e, hi g in Do lp th e sa me tim R a pp ol e (U ltr a wi ll be d vo ca ls al l at it an s s d’ wr on g by Na te um da dr Ha r, in g th e gu ita If it r ai n’ s at in g fe at of pl ay sc ho ol ba nd . ur sh itt y hi gh hi ne ”. yo ns an Su th No r t ’ tte it be co ve rin g “A in be ll wi he e fin e, be ca us

Photo: Matthe w Juar ez

Lemuria

Ph oto : Ho ssa m el-

This

P ho to : Chris Lac r oix

Coming fr om Buf f alo, Ne w Yor k, Lemuri a play pop punk with male/ female vocals. Having done a lot of split r ecor ds with bands suc h as the Er gs! and Kind of Like Spitting , Lemuri a just dr opped their fir st full-len gth entitled Get Better on Asian Man, w hic h has gotten excel lent r e vie ws acr oss the boar d. T he band just r ecently finished up a tour with T he Queer s.

Pipe

Ha ma law y

Pr oba bly the only band that will e ver play Best Frien ds Day w ho’s name d has been dr oppe d on CNN. Being one of the pione er s of w hat one might call folk punk, TBIAP B has wor ked har d in pavin g the w ay for many band s with their exten si ve tourin g and r eleas ing a bunc h of inf luent ial album s for Plan- It-X and No Idea.

C o n t ro l R ic hm o nd / N o r t h C a r o lina ha r d c o r e , f a s t a nd t he w ay it s ho u ld b e d o ne . As f a r a s ha r d c o r e is c o nc e r ne d , D ir e c t C o nt r o l is o ne o f t he fo r e r un ne r s o f it h a v ing a s le w o f r e c o r d s t ha t r ip a nd o ne o f t he w ild e s t li v e s e t s a r o und . T he b a nd is a b o ut t o r e le a s e t he ir b e s t r e c o r d t o d a t e , Farewell o n Fe r a l Wa r d .

T hese guys ar e one of Ric h mond’s f avorite bands and have become a sta ple of Best Friends Day. Br ainwor ms have been su per-busy in the past year dr opping a split with Florida’s Tu ber s and Ne w Yor k’s Dynamite Ar r ows and doing a full U.S. tour for the fir st time this summer. Recently the band added folk multi-instr umenta list Josh Small to the gr oup.

P ho to : Jaso n Penner

Corpse

Weed inspir ed dea t h m e t a l t ha t is jus t as br utal as sm ok ing g r ey g ho s t o ut o f a wizar d sha ped b o ng w hile lis t e ning t o Canna bis Cor pse. Se r io us ly. Ta k ing a ll the hippy cr a p out o f w e e d a nd m a k i ng it completely e vil, C a nna b is C o r p s e a r e no fools to play ing c hr o nic d e a t h m e t al, having membe r s o f M unic ip a l Wa s t e and Battlemaste r. All t he C a nna b is Cor pse songs ar e b a s e d o f f o f C a n nibal Cor pse so ng s but go ne g r e e n, suc h as “For ce Fe d Sh it t y G r a s s ” , “ I Cum Bud”, and “ M um m if ie d in B o ng w ater”. Be w ar e , t he r e m ay b e a bud m onster out on t he lo o s e t ha t w ill smoke you.

U lt r a U lt r a Dolphins have been ar ound for q uite som e tim e now and ar e c on s t antly outdoing themselves. It’s har d t o pinpoint w hat exac tly you would c a ll Ultr a Dolphins, but they ar e r o oted in punk/har dc or e with inf lu e nc es in m any of the gr eat Mid west b ands of the 80s/90s. T he Dolphins have car ved their own one-of-a-kind nic he in the Ric hm ond m usic sc ene. As of late, w hene ver Ultr a Dolphins have played a show they w hip out some ne w song that you w atc h in am azem ent. Still wondering how the hell they ar e pulling of f w hate v er it is that they ar e doing.

H a i l i n g f r o m P i t t s bu r g, PA , C a u s t i c C h r i s t p l ay h e a v y Po i s o n Idea influenced hardcore. This group feat u r e s ex - m e m b e r s o f c l a s s i c b a n d s s u c h a s A u s Ro t ten and The Pist. Unlike most “super groups” their music stands out on it’s own. Caustic Christ has two LPs out on Havoc records and this is Caustic Christ’s 2nd appearance a t B e s t Fr i e n d s D ay.

Chrome Riding Knickers

urban riding gear www.chromebags.com

I n t erv i ew

Ro n

A lot of people haven’t had the oppor tunity to meet Ron Hadad, but he is an amazing per son. He w as at the fir st Best Friends Day, w hen it w as only one day and we c hilled on his pr oper ty, and for some r eason he still lets us bac k on his pr oper ty year after year. It is highly r ecommended that in attending Best Friends Day this year, that w hen you see Ron w alking ar ound tell him hello, shake his hand, and thank him for being w ho he is, because he is quite an exceptional human being. War d and I sat down with Ron in the snac k shop at the lake r ecently to talk to Ron about Hadad’s and his feelings about Best Friends Day. Inter vie w by Shelley Briggs and War d Tef ft

Ro n Don ’ t mak e fun of me. you kno w if you kno w this , but Wa r d We’ r e not . I don ’ t doi ng an inte r vie w with ; e ar we t tha son per ar e the only r eae talk ing, and you ar e the bec aus e She lley and I wer r. yea this Day nds son we ar e doi ng Bes t Frie doi ng yea r, we said we wer e not S h ell ey Yea h, afte r last plac e the e hav ld cou us tha t we this a g ain unt il you told I said I’m don e. I t tha e or Bef e. plac e a g ain and the w hol can ’ t do this a g ain. is tha t into it. I thin k the thin g tha t Wa r d You talk ed She lley and it t bou a ited d and exc you mak e us fee l r eall y goo to you . talk we e tim y ver e e sibl e ver yth ing is pos it. sibl e; you just got ta go do Ro n Wel l e ver yth ing is pos ? lake t the Wa r d Whe n did you sta r

Ron 1965. Wa r d H o w b ig w a s it ? R o n Ve r y s m a ll. W he n I go t b a c k f r o m Vie t na m I ha d $1 , 7 0 0 and my d a d m a t c he d it . We b o ug ht 6 _ a c r e s, a nd o ut he r e w as an o ld b o a r d w a lk , no c o nc r e t e , no no t hing. T hey us e d t o s ho ot the s na k e s a n d le t t he p e o p le in. B a c k in t he 6 0 s a nd 7 0 s t h e r e w as a lo t o f t he s e la k e s b e c a u s e p e o p le d id n’ t ha v e a ir c o nd it ioning, s o t hey w e nt t o t he la k e s o n t he w e e k e nd s. And I ha v e jus t been build ing it a nd build ing it s inc e t he n. U s e d t o ha v e a n o ld b o a r d w a lk t ha t w a s s o r ic k e t y yo u could jum p o f f o f o ne s id e a nd s ha k e s o m e o ne o f f t he o t he r s ide. Ab o ut t he c o nf ig ur a t io n o f w ha t w e go t go ing o n o ut t he r e now (a b o ut t he c a t a p ult ). T h e s t r ip b e t w e e n t he t w o la k e s w asn’ t t he r e , t he r e w e r e f is h in t he r e , a n d I s e p a r a t e d it a nd put a d r a in in t he o ne la k e lik e a b a t h t ub.

Photo : David Kene dy

Wa r d W ha t ’ s t he c o o le s t t hin g yo u e v e r fo und a f t e r d r a ining t he p o o l? R o n T he c o o le s t t hing ? Fo und a ll k ind o f s t uf f. We k e e p a lis t o f p e o p le w ho l o s t s t uf f a n d w e f ind b r a c e le t s a nd w e d d ing r ing s, a n d t he n w e c a ll p e o p le s o t h ey c a n c o m e p ic k it up. Wa r d O ur f r ie nd J a s o n lo s t a t o o t h. D id yo u f ind t ha t ? R o n I fo und a s e t o f f a ls e t e e t h. S h e l l e y A w ho le s e t ? R o n I go t a w ho le up p e r. Wa r d Ca n w e t a k e o ne o f t he t he m ? R o n Sur e , he c a n ha v e o ne . Ye a h, it w a s a n o ld g uy a nd his lit t le o ld la dy, I d o n’ t k no w, he m ay ha v e p a s s e d no w ; he w e nt o f f t he r o p e s w ing a nd lo s t his up p e r s. Wa r d and S h e l l e y Wo w. R o n Yea h w e fo und t he m . Wa r d Am a z ing. R o n Ye a h, it ’ s a p r e t t y c r a z y p la c e . We d o ne s o m e p r e t t y c r a z y t hing s a n d ha d s o m e go o d t i m e s. S h e l l e y W ha t g r o up s d o yo u ge t in he r e o t he r t ha n B F D ? R o n We go t t he C r a b Fe s t o n A ug us t 2 3 r d . S h e l l e y W ha t ’ s t he b ig ge s t g r o up yo u ge t he r e ? R o n T he p o s t o f f i c e . S h e l l e y H o w m a ny d o t hey b r ing in? R o n 3 7 0 0 p e o p le . Wa r d D o yo u t hey a ll ha v e blu e s w im t r unk s ? 48

R o n N o (la ug hing ). Ye a h, we do a lot of w e d d ing s, f a m ily r e unio ns, bir t hday part ie s ; jus t a bunc h p e o p le w anna come and go s w im m ing. Wa r d W hic h ha s b e e n yo ur f avorite Best Fr ie nd s D ay ? R o n T he f ir s t o ne . S h e l l e y W hy, b e c a us e t her e w as only fo r t y o f us ? R o n Ye a h, t he r e w e r e no pr oblems (la ug hs ). S h e l l e y Ye a h, yo u d id n’ t e ven k now w ho w e w e r e t he r e . We w e r e s t ill on decent b e ha v io r t he n. R o n T hey ’ v e a ll b e e n p r e t t y decent . Wa r d A b ig p a r t o f t he r e a son we w anted t o d o t his int e r v ie w is b e cause this is a g r e a t p la c e , a nd w e a r e r eally stoked on yo u r unning it a nd t hink t ha t you ar e s omeo ne p e o p le s ho uld r e s p e c t . It’s not just a r a nd o m p la c e w e go, it ’ s im por t ant . R o n I le a r ne d a lo ng t im e a go that if you s ho w r e s p e c t yo u ge t r e s p e ct . Wa r d We ll, yo u d e f init e ly s how r espect to us. R o n I d o it t o e v e r y b o dy. You k now e ver yo ne a t B e s t Fr ie nd s D ay, a bunc h of nice p e o p le , a nd I ’ m a n o ld hip p ie, ok? I mean I w a s a t Wo o d s t o c k , a ll t ha t stuf f, li ved in Ve g a s fo r t hr e e ye a r s, a nd did a bunc h of s t uf f in my lif e t ha t I w a s n’ t supposed to d o, jus t lik e e v e r yo ne e ls e does. And you li v e a n d le a r n.

Wa r d Yeah. Ro n And I toler ate a lot m o r e . I ha v e a lo t m o r e p a t ie nc e t ha n a lo t o f pe ople bec ause I’ v e see n s o m uc h. N o t hing exc it e s m e . So me t hing s get me upset. You know p e o p le a r e c o m ing o ut he r e t o m e e t ne w people, make ne w friends, a nd s e e o ld f r ie nd s. T hey ’ r e no t c o m ing o u t to b e an idiot. I don’ t kno w w ha t k ind a la ng ua ge I ’ m a llo w e d t o us e . Wa r d : You c an say w hat e v e r yo u w a nt . Ro n Assholes. ( laughs ) Ro n Like I said, in e ver y g r o up t he r e is a n a s s ho le , e v e n i n f a m i lie s, a nd hopefully we won’ t get a ny o f t ho s e t his ye a r. Wa r d What’s on the horizon for Hadad’s? You put the hippo in last year. Ro n Redo the bac k par t of t he p o o l ho p e f ully next ye a r. I t ’ s s o ex p e n si ve . You wouldn’ t belie v e it . Wa r d Yeah. Ro n Ev er y thing is. Lots o f m o ney. Tr y t o p a v e ha lf a m ile o f r o a d . Espe cially with the oil pric e s. S h ell ey You tr y to do as m uc h he r e yo ur s e lf a s p o s s ible , r ig ht ? Ro n Ever y thing I do goes r ig ht b a c k int o t his. I ha v e t o d o a lo t o f it myse lf. S h ell ey You still m ow the la w n. Ro n Yeah. T his year we a d d e d a ne w b a t hr o o m , a ne w s lid e , a d d e d a ll this stuf f under gr ound, ne w d o c k fo r t he p a d d le b o a t s, s o m a ny t hing s that a lot of people don’ t e v e n no t ic e . We d o w ha t w e ha v e t o d o. I t ’ s expe nsi v e to r un. I don’ t m a k e t he m o ney p e o p le t hink I m a k e b e c a us e e ver ything goes bac k into it . B ut if I d id n’ t ha v e f un d o ing it I w o uld n’ t b e d oing it. I lov e it. In the winter time, I think, I d o n’ t k no w if I w a nt t o d o it a g a in. B u t t he n springtime comes and I ge t t he it c h. Yo u k no w my he a lt h is n’ t s o go o d anymor e, I can’ t do a lot o f t hing s t ha t t hey w a nt m e t o d o, but I d o enjoy w hat I’m doing. I do w h a t I go t t a d o. I f I m a k e it , I m a k e i t . I f I d on’ t, and then I don’ t hav e t o w o r r y a b o ut it a ny m o r e .

Wa r d Ar e yo u lo o k ing fo r w a r d t o B e s t Fr ie nd s D ay t his year? R o n Ye a h. R a in o r s h in e . Ab s o lu t e ly. I a m c ur io us t o s e e w hat you all ha v e a r r a nge d fo r e nt e r t a inm e n t . We a r e lo o k in g fo r w ar d to having yo u. Yo u go t t he w ho le p a r k . I t hink e v e r y t hing w ill b e f ine, at leas t w e d o n’ t ha v e t o w o r r y a b o ut s o m e o ne a nd t he ir k id s c o m plaining. Wa r d We ll, t ha nk s Ro n. T h a t w a s a g r e a t int e r v i e w. We know you’ r e bus y, s o w e ’ r e go nna le t yo u go. R o n I go t t a go c l e a n t he t o ile t s. W ha t c a n I s ay ? ( laughing ) S h e l l e y I a lm o s t t ur ne d t he c a m e r a o f f r ig ht b e fo r e you s aid t hat . R o n We l l, I d o n’ t k no w if yo u w a nt t o d e le t e t ha t p a r t , but t hat r eally is w ha t I go t t a go d o. St ill d o ing it a ll.

FAME AND ITS MANY

PRETTY KNIVES C hr is t ia n D e t r e s

P ho t o c o ur t e s y of M G M T

Christian: The early themes in MGMT’s music have revolved around willful selfdestruction. Pure acceptance of the die young par t of the living fast credo is liberating and ensnaring all at once. Like a punching a wall you know is going to fall in upon you when breached – the young indie rock star lifestyle is set up to be knocked down. Do you agree with this estimation?

BEN: The band as a concept, yes, not so much so ourselves anymore. In the beginning,

MGMT, just so you know, is pronounced MGMT – as in the letters, not the abbreviation of “management”. I asked Ben directly what he calls the band. Not that the singer of the indie rock sensation really cares, but for the record, you know? MGMT has grasped the relay torch of hipster devotion and is charging forward with (illicit) substance and style. Worldwide fame comes with its albatrosses. I discussed a few of these with Ben during an all day press junket... MGMT’s dreamy psychedelic disco sound is twisting panties everywhere and will be on full hedonistic display at the National July 29th. 52

we were in college and behaved as college kids do. Since signing a recording contract and having our full-time attention focused on the band, we’ve had to take better care of ourselves, if for nothing else simply because it’s exhausting living like that. We’ve been touring pretty much non-stop since October, and we won’t finish our scheduled dates until December of this year. I guess every person who’s won the metaphorical lottery wants to go all Caligula style. The problem is the human body can’t handle that forever.

Christian: For those like you that never sought fame out as the primary goal of their careers, that never saw it as a probability but were rapidly engulfed by it, there seems to be a rather awkward transition period to acceptance of that fact. Do you think it’s possible to describe the moment your eyes were opened to the fact that MGMT was BIG? What did it change for you? Musically, does it make you want to work harder or is it distracting?

BEN: Well, shit. It really crept up on us. We signed the deal and then we’re off to tour for the album. Tiny little venues got packed, larger venues filled up, festival promoters came knocking. Somewhere in there our bank accounts star ted to fill up, but you have to remember our lives have been completely full-throttle since then. There are moments when you feel like you just opened your eyes and noticed that you’re playing for thousands of people shouting your own lyrics back at you in joy. We were in denial of that for a long time. We didn’t trust it. We do realize that it could be all an interlude though. There’re no guarantees that we’ll be enjoying this ride three years from now – so I guess it’s sobering to know that it’s now up to us to follow up a good thing with something better. Touring is fun and all, but I think we’re feeling the itch to star t recording again as soon as we can. It’s exciting to be working on new stuff now. Performance is great and there’s a lot of expression in it, but the prospect of putting out something new is fascinating. As far as what it changed, I would say that it upends your day-to-day routines. The touring, the meeting your heroes and getting respect from them, the par ties, the attention – it’s craziness. It’s still a routine but turned up to 11. It’s hard to not get jaded at the sheer breakneck speed of it all. You kind of want to jump ship sometimes, but it’s an amazing oppor tunity to be in this place so there’s not much to complain about. It’s just a really, really loud life. Deafening sometimes.

Christian: You’ve mentioned in the past you were interested in doing some punishing yet rewarding social work. How do you reconcile the inherent lifestyle of hedonism in the industry with a desire to help out others? Have you been able to follow up on this desire? I have this philosophy that most ar tists are erstwhile therapists. The ability to explain the human condition, directly or abstractly, is a comfor t to the confused/hur t and a release for the joyful. In that way, aren’t you already helping people?

BEN: Definitely. I spend a lot of time focused on myself, my projects and all the whirlwind around me. I really look forward to doing something for other people that I can recede into the background with, you know? Christian: Tell me about the best par ts of being MGMT right now. BEN: We’re constantly calling our own bluff. We have the luxury of never having to explain ourselves. We can be vague while other people think were being cryptic. It’s an ar tists’ plaything I guess.

Christian: I’ve read several inter views where you’ve mentioned the lack of seriousness on your par ts at the beginning of the band’s life. Now that you have thousands and thousands of fans all over the world hanging on the promise of new material, does your nature compel you to proverbially “moon the audience” or is it motivating?

BEN: It’s difficult to have to focus on keeping it fresh. A lot has changed since our early shows – our college years were just fun. We could get blasted and high, go out on stage and just make complete asses of ourselves. We still do to an extent, but it’s a little more controlled. Now we have to think of this in the long term. We’ve figured out how to direct the band so it never falls into in a “box”. We’re much more afraid to be pigeonholed right now. So with the new material we want to deliver on expectations, but that comes entirely secondary to our need to not repeat ourselves. No one wants “Time to Pretend Par t 2”. Some people may think they do, but I’m sure that would be a letdown for ourselves and everyone else if we did.

MGMT’s dreamy psychedelic sound is twisting panties everywhere and will be on full hedonistic display at The National, July 29th. 53

Ron Smith died on the operating table after suffering a massive hear t attack in 1999. But it was only a little death, and Smith’s hear tbeat returned, his breathing resumed, and his brain waves continued to oscillate a few minutes later. Smith was a Richmond-raised ar t school dropout turned industrial video producer. He hadn’t touched a brush in more than 20 years, but he star ted painting por traits of his personal heroes while at home recovering from his surgery. One of those por traits was of Hasil “Haze” Adkins, a slightly obscure, yet highly influential rockabilly originator from Boone County, West Virginia. Smith didn’t know it yet, but he would soon become close friends with Hasil.

Chasin’ The Haze Alexander Harris

Why’s don’t I tell you what it is? I wen’ out last nigh’ and I got messed up When I woke up this mornin’ Shoulda seen what I had inna bed wi’ me She comes up at me outta the bed Pull her hair down the eye Looks to me like a dyin’ can of that commodity meat

And says And says Woo ee ah ah! Woo ee ah ah! Woo ee ah ah! Woo ee ah ah! Wooooeeeeahhh! - From ”She Said” by Hasil Adkins

Smith first heard Hasil on the radio in the 80s while listening to WDCE. The deejay played “She Said” by The Cramps, immediately followed by the original version, written and performed by Hasil Adkins. That same day he went out and bought Hasil’s most iconic album Out to Hunch . “It was like listening to the Rolling Stones and finding out the song you really love was written by Willie Dixon or Muddy Waters, and you want to go back and search out the roots,” says Smith. Smith sent a copy of his painting of Hasil to a friend he thought would appreciate it, the owner of The Empty Glass in Charleston, West Virginia. It was a rowdy bar where Adkins often came to play his raw brand of rock and roll, and sure enough the owner made sure the work of ar t made it into the right hands.

So began Smith’s strange journey into the bizarre world of Hasil Adkins, a journey that would bring him into the inner sanctum of the hellbilly subculture and put him in a unique position to make the ultimate tribute to the late legend. “People call Iggy Pop the godfather of punk; Hasil Adkins is the godfather of psychobilly,” said Smith. Adkins is the subject of a new documentary produced by Smith entitled My Blue Star . It is a highly personalized project composed of video Smith shot while hanging out with Hasil, video sent to him by fans, and new interviews with The Haze’s extended “family”: Hank Williams III, the “Dancin’ Outlaw” Jesco White, as well as Julien Nitzberg, director of the 1993 documentary shor t The Wild World of Hasil Adkins . “That was a very small glimpse into a very small slice of a really large pie,” Smith said about Nitzberg’s film.

My Blue Star draws on many sources to present a feature length character study of a unique individual, a musician whose influence spread far beyond his own fame. Smith’s film presents Adkins not merely as the whiskey-bent-hell-bound persona he projected on stage, but also how his closest friends and family knew him to be – far more complex than he may appear to the uninitiated.

Two weeks later, to his surprise, Smith got a long distance phone call from a familiar voice.

“What really fascinated me about Hasil, as I got to know him, was not so much the crazy wild man hunchin’ hillbilly guy, but I found out in the 50s he was a traditional country ar tist.” says Smith.

“Hey Ron, this is Hasil Akdins. I like that painting of yours. I’d like to get some more copies, I want to sell ‘em at my shows.”

Adkins was born during the late 1930s in Boone County, West Virginia. He star ted his own one-man band

as a teenager. He was the front man, guitar player and drummer all in one. By the 50s, he had appeared live with Patsy Cline and other notable acts of the day as they passed through Charleston on national tours. He traveled with Richie Valens to California, planning to secure a recording contract. While on the West Coast, Adkins received news that his father died and he left right away. He missed an agent with a contract by fifteen minutes. Hasil returned to West Virginia and continued to develop his unique brand of rockabilly chock full of deranged lyrics, screams, shouts and giggles. Adkins achieved local notoriety and fame for a sexually suggestive dance called “The Hunch”. Over the years Adkins accumulated thousands of home recordings, but only released a handful of studio albums. *** “One of the most fun things about knowing Hasil, he would call you on the phone at odd hours and play songs for you over the phone,” says Smith. Smith says Adkins would wail on his guitar for up to 40 minutes before picking up the receiver again. “After he finished you’d better be on the phone,” says Smith. Before too long Smith had an open invitation to come out to Boone County, and it didn’t take him long to accept it. The two became fast friends, and Adkins seized on his chance to take advantage of Smith’s videography skills. Smith filmed a show in Chapel Hill for Hasil to use as a booking demo. Sadly the demo didn’t land Adkins on

Conan O’Brien’s show as he hoped, but it would later become the foundation for My Blue Star . The demo also served as a bridge for Adkins to reunite with a fellow musician and friend, country music scion, Hank Williams III. Smith knew Adkins was a huge fan of Hank III, so he knocked on Williams’ tour bus one night after a show in Richmond, the demo and phone number in hand. A few weeks later Williams called Smith with lots of love for the video, and asked for Adkins’ phone number to thank him for the video. After Smith got them back in touch, the two musicians planned to record together for a track on Williams’ Straight to Hell album. Williams had already recorded Jesco White tap dancing for “The Legend of D. Ray White”, a tribute to White’s late mountain dancing father, and was set to return a couple weeks later to record with Hasil. Hasil died before Williams could return. He was found dead in his home, and his death remains a mystery to this day. Some time after the funeral, Smith was reviewing his collection of footage from his many West Virginia sojourns, and came across a candid clip of Hasil in his living room telling his life story. The video was compelling enough to inspire Smith to edit together a brief homage and sent it out to Hasil’s friends and family. Williams regularly showed the video to guests on his tour bus. The video kept getting passed on, and eventually Adkins fans star ted sending Smith their own footage, and from there the project took on a life of its own.

“I never set out to make a documentary about Hasil, but at the same time I feel like the powers that be out there have had this in store for me all along,” says Smith. *** Smith debuts My Blue Star at the 2nd Annual Deep Blues Festival in St. Paul, Minnesota on July 19. The three day festival features a full slate of genre-related films and more than 20 bands from the U.S. and Europe, each playing their own brand of blues. Smith says the nascent festival has sprung for th to serve a new generation of blues fans. “There’s this younger generation that are getting into the blues, but they’re not getting into their grandpa’s blues, they are getting into this second generation, it’s still original, it’s still gut bucket stuff, but it’s reinterpreted through a more punk rock hardcore filter,” says Smith. At the festival, Smith and his drum and bass machine will make an appearance as Cuzn Wildweed, Smith’s own mojo-stompin’ musical persona. “Hanging out with Hasil and watching how he did what he did, it made me want to rock,” says Smith. If you can’t make it to St. Paul, be sure to catch Cuzn Wildweed’s homecoming show at Poe’s Pub. He’ll be playing with festival-mates, The Pack A.D. and The Trestle Walkers on July 25th. The Cuz also says he’ll be playing with Hank III bassist, Joe Buck, somewhere in town on September 21st. For more news on and updates about My Blue Star, stay tuned to www. myspace.com/hasiladkinsmybluestar. For more information on the Second Annual Deep Blues Festival go to www. deepbluefestival.com. 55

I tried, I r eally did. I tried lis t e ning t o o t he r ne w r e le a s e s. I t r i e d scanning blo gs and ne wspa p e r s fo r in t e r e s t ing p o p c ult ur e t idb it s tha t I could weav e into a c o he r e nt a nd w it t y e s s ay. B ut I k e p t e n counte r ing the sam e pr oblem : Lil Way ne . H is a lbum c ov e r w a s pla s ter ed all over Br ooklyn, “Lo llip o p ” w a s o n ne a r ly e v e r y r a d i o s t a t io n a t e ve r y m om ent, any blo g o r m a g a z ine t ha t c ov e r e d a ny t hing r e mote ly music al w as shi v ering w it h a nt ic ip a t io n ov e r T ha Car ter III . “A Milli” has stayed on r e peat in my c a r a nd a t ho m e , a nd no w, Way ne is the fir st ar tist since 50 C e nt t o s e ll ov e r a m illio n c o p ie s o f his album in a week, and mains t r e a m m e d ia is b r o a d c a s t ing his f a c e a l l ove r te le v ision. He g av e m e no o t he r o p t io n. T he p oint of r e-hashing all o f t his is b e c a us e Lil Way ne ha s m a na ge d to unify both critics and the p ublic in a w ay t h a t e v e n K a nye We s t could n’ t pull of f with the hy p e he t r ie d t o c r e a t e w it h Gr aduation la st ye a r. Way ne w as a ble t o c r e a t e hy p e t hr o ug h p r o lif ic le a k s t h a t a ccumulated ov er the past ye a r a nd us e d la s t ye a r ’ s Da Dr ought 3 , a mixta pe w hic h Wayne g av e a w ay a s a f r e e d o w nlo a d , a nd w hic h ultimately set the media afir e a nd t o p p e d a lo t o f ye a r- e nd lis t s. T he man w as liter ally pushing out m o r e p r o d uc t t ha t s o m e o ne c o uld e v e n b e gin to digest, and c om bine d w it h a n exha us t i v e lis t o f g ue s t a p pear ances, he simply r efus e d t o b e a b s e nt f r o m t he m e d ia fo r m o r e tha n two m inutes at a tim e. None of this would amount t o m uc h if Way ne w a s s im p ly d r o p p ing the same lines as e ver yone e ls e , but m o s t o f t he t im e , h e ’ s o n a completely dif fer ent planet . I ha d a f r ie nd m e n t io n t o m e t ha t it ’ s a sha me that Way ne is being s o la ud e d fo r his w o r d p lay, c a d enc e a nd me t a phor, w hen he r ea lly jus t hig hlig ht s ho w la z y o t he r r a p -

p e r s ha v e go t t e n. I f yo u s e a r c h Yo ut ub e , yo u c a n f ind e nd le s s c lip s w her e Wayne looks a lm o s t c a t a t o n ic w it h c o nc e nt r a t io n. So m e w h e r e t his g uy t r a ns c e nded s imply w ant ing t o b r a g a n d b e t he b e s t r a p p e r a li v e a nd m ov e d int o his o w n a r t is t ic vor t ex . Wayne la ug hs m id - v e r s e , he d r o p s o ut fo r s e g m e nt s o f b a r s a nd jum p s b a c k in w it h f right en ing p r e c is io n, he s e e m s t o ha v e b e e n s o c o m fo r t a ble in his o w n b r ain that he simply d o e s n’ t c a r e w ha t a nyo ne e ls e is go ing t o s ay a ny m o r e . H e s t ill b r a gs, but they sound e n t ir e ly unne c e s s a r y. H e s o und s le s s a s if he ’ s t r y ing t o ho ld his o w n a g ainst the songs he g ue s t s o n t ha n s im p ly f lo a t ing o n his o w n p la ne , e nt ir e ly unc o nc er ned with anything ha p p e ning a r o und him . H e ’ s b e c o m e a s y r up - f ue le d hy b r id o f O l’ D ir t y B as t ar d, Jay Z, a n d P r i nc e , t he la t t e r o f w ho m he o p e nly id o liz e s fo r his ic o no c la s m. As a r esult he’s im p o s s ible t o p in d o w n a nd s c r ut iniz e , w hic h is w h a t m a k e s him suc h a f ascinating s ub je c t fo r t he m e d ia . T he e p i c e nt e r o f a ll t his is T ha Car ter III , w hic h ha s a lr e a dy s p a wned Wayne’s fir st m a in s t r e a m hit , “ L o llip o p ” , a nd it s v a s t ly s up e r io r r e m ix f e a t u r ing K anye Wes t , as w e ll a s t he o f f ic i a l (d o n’ t f ig ht it ) Sum m e r J a m : “A M illi” . I f yo u haven’ t alr eady been s w a r m e d w it h Way ne ye t , o r ha v e s o m e ho w m a na ge d t o t une him o ut (G od k now s how ) unt il t his p o int , t his is t he d i s t i lle d e s s e n c e o f w hy p e o p l e a r e d r awn to Wayne. His r hy m e s a r e f r e e - a s s o c i a t i v e , hi s v o ic e is a h o a r s e ye t t inny g r o w l, and he dodges the b e a t a t e v e r y t ur n. So m e ho w, t his m a na ge s t o c o nge a l int o o ne o f the bes t s ingles of t he e nt i r e d e c a d e . T he r e is no ho o k , o nly a p a inf ul a m o unt o f c ha r isma and lines that b o t h d i s o r ie n t a nd s lay. I t t r a ns c e nd s t he hy p e a nd t he m e d i a s t o r m and stands boldly in t he f a c e o f c r it ic is m . T his is Way ne ’ s e s s e nc e . H e is una ble t o s it s t ill, t o s t op modi f y ing his r hy m e s, t o s t o p c r e a t ing f lo o d s o f s o ng s a nd r e l e a s ing t hem thr ough v arious c ha nne ls, a nd he d o e s n’ t s la c k a b it . I n a w o r ld w he r e m a jo r r e c or ds t ak e year s t o m a k e a nd a r t is t s m e r e ly d is c us s t he ir a r t is t ic int e nt io n s, Way ne p o ssesses a focus on his c r a f t t h a t ’ s s o r e ly la c k ing w it h o t he r a r t is t s a nd is e nt ir e ly unw illing to r est on his la ur e ls. T ha t ’ s w hy he ’ s t he o nly m a n a li v e w h o c a n s t ill m ov e a million units in one week.

Ima ge by Br a nd on Pe c k 57

WALK WITH ME IN HELL Ian M. Gr aham Whenever I talk to John Campbell (it’s not that often), or anyone else for that matter, I ask how he is. Campbell has always answer ed almost exactly the same: “Fuckin’ great, man. I get paid to play bass - can’t ask for mor e than that.” He retur ned my call recently when I was watching Lamb of God’s new DVD, Walk With Me In Hell . Lamb of God has a reputation as a group of guys who ar e good to their fans. T he fans should be pleased, then, because although their pr evious DVD, Killadelphia , was solid, Walk With Me In Hell is fantastic. It pr emier ed in New Yor k City in late June, to a crowd of dedicated fans – the fir st 250 fans to pr e-order the DVD online. Lamb of God was kind enough to invite us to the pr emier e, and we wer e unfor tunately unable to attend. (Lamb of God has invited us to just about ever y event they’ ve played on the East Coast. Solid.) A two DVD set, the fir st disc contains footage from the road, following the band on their fir st ar ena tour of the United States, across Asia, Austr alia, Europe and back again. Big crowds, big stages, and good commentar y from the band will keep fans enter tained. Gr anted, gone are the dr unken hijinks of lead signer Randy Blithe, and ther e’s no second coming of the now-infamous fight between Blithe and guitarist Mar k Mor ton, although the band’s tendency to get slaphappy at times hasn’t disappear ed. Campbell says that the making of the documentar y was business as usual: “We just did our thing, Doug rolled around shooting. It’s like someone keeping a diar y for us. The fans responded well to the behind-the-scene stuff from the other DVD, so we gave them mor e.”

T he second disc tr acks the band through the ear ly writing, pre-production, recording and r elease of Sacr ament . Fans from Richmond will enjoy this disc in par ticular, as it contains the band in many familiar locations (such as dr ummer Chris Addler’s bike ride to “wor k” along Main Str eet/Route 5). Guitar s and bass can be seen r ecording at the Sound of Music studios on Broad Street. I par ticular ly liked watching Mor ton bring home a trophy at the dr ag strip, Campbell setting off celebr ator y fir ewor ks in the alley after finishing recording the bass tr acks and guitarist Willie Addler wor king on his deck (a proper Souther n house has to have a deck. Lamb of God takes barbecuing quite seriously, as they should). In my opinion, the second disc is the mor e interesting of the set; however, the two combined ar e on the same level as A Year and a Half in The Life of Metallica . Also included on the second disc is the video for “Redneck”, the making of said video and the entir e set from the Download Festiv al. T he live set doesn’t have the intimacy or mood of Killadelphia ’s live show; however, the crowd is utter ly massive and ver y r esponsive, and the band’s perfor mance is in tune and on time. Campbell r epor ts that the band is wor king on their next album, which should be done by the end of the year, befor e the band hits the road again. No word of a r elease date for the new disc, of cour se, and he couldn’t say when the band would be playing home again. However, Lamb of God’s fir st sold out show is featur ed on the DVD, in which the entir e band (save Chris Addler, for technical r easons) crowd surfs across the entir e Canal Club. I can’t help but wonder, how’s the surfing at T he National?

TALES FROM

has tr aveled to 46 states riding coaster s but, mor e than likely, has ne ver had a onenight stand with a str anger in a pay-by-the-hour motel r oom. Sanbor ne, a r etail-stor e mana ger and lifelong coaster lover fr om Ta ppahannoc k, said the Dominator “blows aw ay” the Hanover County par k’s Anaconda and Volcano rides, but made no comparison to the excitement found in hiring four le g al pr ostitutes to ser ve 13 men at an alcohol-fueled Las Ve g as bac helor par ty.

Minutes after stepping of f Kings Dominion’s ne w Dominator r oller coaster yester day, coaster enthusiast Mic hael Sanbor ne said it w as “the most exciting thing I have ever done,” signaling that the “T her e is r eally nothing 56-year-old may ver y well else quite like the Dominahave never slept with a tor,” Sanbor ne added. “T his woman. coaster, a bove anything else I can think of that I’ ve experi“T he inver ted loops wer e enced in my life, is the gr eatawesome, and the fact that the coaster is floor- est thing I have e ver ridden.” less r eally makes for an Tobacco Avenue is Richmond, VA’s most incr edible feeling in your accurate source of misinformation. stomac h on the twisted Utur n,” said Sanbor ne, w ho Go to www.tarichmond.com for more delicious satire and wacky entertainment. 62

hole let alone get sexual satisfaction from the act. As between bursts of laughter, “he’s a local legend.” Turning Lemons man-made repugnant as pedophilia is, I can at least understand it. Fucking I did some research after talking with Matt and found holes I can’t. I’ve considered all the angles, imagined this post concerning a retarded man stalking the Into Lemonade colostomy the perceived benefits (no babies) and thought long and hard transgendered prostitutes in Atlanta by a gentleman C hr is B o p s t

A friend of mine recently became a nurse. During dinner one night I asked her what was the worst thing she had seen so far in her budding medical career. She was initially reluctant to tell me, but she soon relented warning, “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this. It’s pretty awful.” I assured her I could handle whatever so told me. One day a woman came into the hospital where she worked with a seriously infected colostomy hole. It was more of a bleeding, pus filled wound than the vital feces outlet it was intended to be. When the doctor attending to the germ-infested lesion questioned the overweight, 40 something female about her troubling condition, she informed him that she had been using the orifice as a means to make money. She had been whoring out the hole to the highest bidder. And business was a little too good. Most people look for the beauty in life to prove the existence of a higher power, but, in my book, this unsavory little tale of prostituting a colostomy hole is as a persuasive argument there is to prove that there is a God. And boy, does she, he or it work in mysterious ways. It is beyond my realm of comprehension to think that anyone would ever want to put his penis inside a

about the possible arousals, but not once in all my soul searching did my dick come anywhere close to getting hard. It just sits there between my legs disgusted.

After hearing the story that night, I retold it to everyone who would listen. Most people get queasy by the mere thought of a colostomy and, not surprisingly, when the element of sex is paired with it, the revulsion is ten fold. “Why would you tell me this, Chris?” one especially sensitive friend said to me exasperated after recounting the tale, “I don’t know what is worse. The fact that someone would do that or the fiendish glee you take in telling me about it.” That is a good question. I’ve always had a fascination with the per versities of life, but this par ticular case left me completely baffled. I couldn’t help myself. I had to tell people about it as I was genuinely mystified and needed reassurance that I was not alone in my nauseated amazement. To be truthful, I did tell the story to sicken my long-suffering friends, but, despite being well versed in life’s iniquitous oddities, this par ticular case was especially unner ving even to me. Still, I had to tell the story. I couldn’t keep that shit to myself. A couple of months later, Matt Conner, from the Richmond band RPG, called me when I was doing my radio show. Whenever they were on the road, he would call to give updates on their journeys, and he was always good for amusing antidotes. On this day, Matt was calling from Atlanta, and I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was excited about giving his daily news repor t. “There’s a guy down here that they call the colostitute,” he said

named Ron on www.gramponante.com :

“When I made Alternative Worldz: Atlanta I ran out of money and was put up in a Bordello by the most kind hear ted hooker, ever. This was my neighborhood and it included a Colostitute (a dude who wore tennis shor ts from the ‘70’s and a halter top. For $20 you could fuck his colostomy hole). The trannys would gang up on him and beat him up. About once a week you would see him running down the street being chased by a mob of frenzied trannys up at 3 a.m. screaming and don’t know why....” According to a guy I know who worked in the prison system, colostitution is just a par t of everyday life. When I told him the story, he looked at me straightfaced and said, “People will pay more to stick it in a colostomy hole. They get tired of fucking assholes.” I guess the lesson here is that when life ser ves you lemons, you make lemonade. Turning colostomy holes into moneymaking orifices is proof of this cherished sentiment. Life isn’t all sugar and spice and everything nice. It can be a motherfucker or, in this case, a colostomy hole fucker. But that’s what makes it. It is full of infinite possibilities. It’s just that some of those possibilities will wake you up at 3 a.m. screaming.

S UNDAY GRI LLA EV ERY S UM M ER S UN D AY AT R I C H B R A U 6 3

Irony, thy color

is green Jo hn Flo w e r s

T he o ne p e o p le I w o uld ha v e expected to belie ve in a nd p r e a c h t he t r ut h a b o ut global w ar ming a r e t h e o ne p e o p le m o s t a d a mantly opposed to t he v e r y id e a o f it s ex is t e nc e – and t hat is t he e v a nge lic a l r ig ht . T hey a r e t he one people I would ex p e c t t o jum p o n t he w ho le “ End is Nigh! ” bandw a go n w it ho ut s o m uc h a s a q uestion, comment or “ ho w d ’ y a d o ” ? B u t yo u t e ll t he m t ha t t he w o r ld is ending – and all d ue t o M a n’ s w ic k e d ne s s – a nd befor e you can s ay “ Fr e d P he lp s ” t hey ’ r e in f ull- thr ottle a poplectic m o d e , s ho ut ing b a c k t o t he m a sses, “No, it’s not! P ut a w ay yo ur m o ney ! L is t e n no t to f alse pr ophets p r e a c hing Ar m a ge d d o n! T his is all ps eudos cience, b a s e d o n lie s a nd m is int e r p r etation of v arious d a t a a nd t ex t s, m e a nt t o m a k e money of f t he poor a n d g ul libl e by p lay ing o n t he ir wor st fear s – some w o uld s ay ‘ ho p e ’ – r e g a r d ing the de pr avity and na t ur e o f M a n. “ Ye s, t he w o r ld w il l e nd o ne d ay, and yes, Man may ha v e a r o le in t ha t e nd , but no one man can pos s ibly p r e d ic t t ha t d ay o r e v e n t he mont h or year o f t ha t c a la m it o us e nd . M o r e ov er, to sug gest that 64

that day is tomor r ow or the nex t o r s o m e m o m e n t in the near futur e is just pat e nt ly a b s ur d ! ”

o ne but t he lo c a l d e niz e ns c o uld a d m ir e o r w o uld ha v e a ny t hing t o d o w it h.

Ne ver mind that godless scie nt is t s f i na lly ha v e t he data to bac k up these peo p le ’ s c la im s. N o r t ha t the a ns wer is to r efor m our w ic k e d w ay s a nd t he n we all can be saved. And for ge t t ha t t h e r e a l d i v id e her e is T he Rest of the Wo r l d v e r s us T. S. Ellio t t because it’s T he Rest of the Wo r ld w h o b e lie v e it ’ s all going to end with an a po c a ly p t ic , B a ng ! N o, t he fundame ntalists still won’ t ha v e a ny o f yo ur g lo b a l w ar ming, end-of-the-ear th c r a p – no m a t t e r ho w ma ny o f their points you’ r e m a k ing fo r t he m .

O nly, t im e s c ha nge . An d no w, a f t e r ye a r s o f b e in g d e r id e d a s a b a c k w a t e r fo r p o o r a nd m o s t ly une d u c a t e d fo lk , c o lle ge t y p e s ha v e s e e n t he v a lue o f t ha t p r o p er t y a nd m ov e d in. T hey ’ v e na ile d d o w n a l l t he lo os e b o a r d s a nd c le a ne d up s o m e o f t he lo c a l c o lo r – g ut t ing s o m e p la c e s a nd jus t p la in k no c k ing d o w n o t he r s – unt il w ha t yo u ha v e is t he o ld ne ig h b o r ho o d m inus t he s e e d i ne s s a nd t he m o r e uns upp o r t a ble inf r a s t r uc t ur e .

And that right ther e may b e t he s o ur c e o f t he p r oble m. To par a phr ase Millhouse fr o m a n e p is o d e o f “ T h e Simpso ns” (I for get w hic h): T his is their t hing t ha t they d o. Fundam entalists ar e s up p o s e d t o b e t he ones w ho di vine the end o f t he w o r l d a nd a s s ig n blame for its demise (and , s o m e t im e s, c o lle c t a fe w buc ks by it as well). But no w s o m e o ne ’ s c o m e a l ong a nd said basic ally the s a m e t hing but w it h a fe w m or e c har ts and gr a p hs a nd , w e ll, s t o l e n Zeus’ thunder fr om him (no t t o m e nt io n his c ha nge cup). It’s as if an entir e idiom ha s b e e n ge n t r if ie d . H e r e w a s som ething that w as ha r d t o t r a ns la t e a nd im possible to under stand unle s s a p e r s o n w a s a p a r t of the cultur e. And it w as s o m e t hing fo r w hic h n o

B ut t he f und a m e nt a lis t s, t hey liked t ho s e d a r k c o rne r s a nd d a nk p la c e s. I t ’ s w ha t g a v e t he o ld z ip c o d e it s c ha r m a nd p a n a c he . I t ’ s w ha t s p a w ne d a ny num b e r o f c r a z y c ha r a c t e r s t o o r a t e f r o m a s o a p b ox (lit e r a lly p e r ha p s ) a b o ut Je w s a nd ho m o s exua ls a nd ho w t he B ible s ay s t ha t ye w ho bla h, bla h, bla h s ha ll b e bla h, bla h, bla he d by G o d . I t ’ s no t t ha t t hey f ind m e t a l g ir d e r s a n d m a t h a n a f f r o nt . I t ’ s jus t t ha t t ho s e t hing s a r e , w e ll, k in d o f d ull by co m p a r is o n. Re g a r d le s s, t he r e ’ s no r e v e r s e o n t his t r a in. I t go e s fo r w a r d a nd a nyo ne no t w illing t o a d a p t , jus t t o s q ua t a nd c o m p la in, is go ing t o f ind T im e a nd a bunc h o f bulld o z e r s a r e s o o n t o m ov e him o u t o f t he w ay.

And t ha t go e s fo r t he Ec o w a r rior s as w ell. G en t r if ic a t io n’ s o r ig ina l v a ng ua r d isn’ t the only gr oup lo o k in g fo r g r e e ne r p a s t ur e s a nd bluer skies: the p r o f e s s io na ls a nd s ix - f ig ur e b ohemians ar e sur e t o fo llo w, a s t hey a lw ay s d o. And t hat inf lux is b o und t o d o w ha t it a lw ay s d o es : gi ve t he pr ope r t y a m o m e nt um t ha t t a k e s it out of t he hands of t he o r ig ina l b o o s t e r s a nd p ut s it in the hands of a bunc h o f p e o p le , inc lud ing m a ny one-t ime nays aye r s, w it h a lo t m o r e t ha n jus t “gr eener pastur es” o n t he ir m ind s. B e fo r e lo ng, yo u’ ll s t a r t s e e ing t he ar t is t s and c o l le ge t y p e s s t a r t t o g r u m ble over drinks like a bunc h o f o ld m e n a b o ut “ t he d ir ect ion e ver yt hing ha s t a k e n” a n d t he m o ney t ha t ’s come pouring in a nd “ w ho ’ s r e a lly b e ne f it ing f r om t his de velopm e nt ? I t ’ s t he c o r p o r a t io ns, t hat ’ s w ho. T hey’ r e t he o ne s w ho ’ v e c o - o p t e d e v e r yt hing. T hey’ r e t he o ne s w ho c a m e in w a v ing a r o und fistfuls of money, w it h t he ir b ig id e a s a nd b r o a d a gendas and totally p a v ing ov e r t he his t o r y o f w h at we got her e. No o ne ’ s lis t e ning t o t he lit t le m a n anymor e. T hey’ r e p us hing o ut him a nd a nyo ne e lse w ho r eally k now s a n d c a r e s a b o ut t he his t o r y o f w hat went on her e, a n d , f r a nk ly, I r e a lly d o n’ t k no w how muc h longer I c a n s t ic k a r o und a nd b e a p a r t of it . ” Af t e r a w hil e , t he m o s t a nyo ne can do is look a r o und a nd s ay, “ We ll, I g ue s s, w e’ ve made a bet t e r lif e fo r o ur s e lv e s he r e . St ill, does it have to c o s t s o d a m n m uc h?” 65

a CLAIRE MCCASKILL b RUDY GIULIANI c JIM WEBB d PIYUSH ''BOBBY'' JINDAL e KATHLEEN SEBELIUS f HILLARY CLINTON g MIKE HUCKABEE h MITT ROMNEY 68

D i v i n i n g t h e N o m i n ees Tyle r Bass

M i d n i g h t w a s a p p r o a c h i n g. Ju n e 3 0 , 2 0 0 8 . T h e c r u e l r e a l i t y o f t h e i m p e n d i n g c r i m i n a l i z a t i o n o f S a l v i a D i v i n o r u m w a s u p o n m e a n d t h e r e s t o f R VA r e a d e r s. T h e b o w l s t o o d b e f o r e m y l i p s , t h e a d j a c e n t b u i l d i n g s t w i n k l i n g i n t w i l i g h t b e s i d e t h e C a p i t o l o f t h e C o m m o n w e a l t h o f Vi r g i n i a . Fo r w h a t e x a c t reason the substance was about to be scheduled I knew not. A point needed t o b e p r o v e d . I c l e a n e d o u t my Ro o r, t o o k i t t o w a r d t h e w e s t e r n s i d e o f t h e o l d C a p i t o l bu i l d i n g, a n d f i l l e d i t w i t h t h e s t i c k y b l a c k g r a i n s o f 8 0 x . I stopped perhaps 20 meter s in front of the guards’ gate, lit a cher r y and let t h e a c r i d s m o k e f i l l my l u n g s. E x h a l e d . N o t h i n g f o r a f e w s e c o n d s. T h e c o p s h a d d e f i n i t e ly n o t i c e d by t h i s p o i n t t h e o bl o n g p i p e . I t i m m e d i a t e ly o c c u r r e d t o m e t h a t t h i s s u b s t a n c e s h o u l d d e f i n i t e l y b e i l l e g a l … a n d e q u a l ly t h a t s u c c e s s f u l s u i c i d e a t t e m p t s s h o u l d b e p r o s e c u t e d to the extent of capital punishment. The cops swar med to me, one of them with a radio to his cheek indicating t h a t t h e r e c o u l d b e m o r e “ h e l p ” o n t h e w ay. T h e t e r r o r t h a t f i l l e d m e w a s i m p o s s i bl e t o g r a s p, e v e n t h o u g h t h e r e w a s n o t h i n g t e c h n i c a l l y i l l e g a l p e r s e a b o u t w h a t I w a s d o i n g, a t l e a s t n o t f o r a n o t h e r t w o h o u r s. T h e s e a r e t h e s o r t s o f s i t u a t i o n s w h e r e c o p s w i l l s e a r c h e v e r y b i t o f t h e C o d e o f Vi r g i n i a f o r t h e s m a l l e s t s c r a p s o f i l l e g a l i t y, j u s t b e c a u s e yo u a r e p i s s i n g t h e m o f f s o b a d ly. T h e s a l v i a w a s c o m i n g o v e r m e t h e n , a n d I f e l t t h a t d u l l t i n g l e a t t h e e d ge s o f my c o n s c i o u s n e s s. I f e l t a p u l l i n m y i m a g i n a t i o n l i t e r a l l y a s strong as gr avity when they reached me and – if memor y ser ves – asked m e w h a t w a s i n my “ m a r i w a n a p i p e ” . B y t h a t p o i n t , I w a s f e e l i n g a c a l l j u s t like that which reaches the br ain of the Bar-tailed Godwit, a sense of alien gravity that pushes the bird to migrate thousands of miles based on its i n t e r n a l c o m p a s s. I c o n c l u d e d t h a t I w a s u n a b l e t o s p e a k , t h o u g h I c o u l d hear their demands that I sur render the pipe and let them inspect the bowl f o r i l l i c i t d r u g r e s i d u e , b u t my d i s i n t e r e s t w a s t o o g r e a t .

We l l , e s p e c i a l l y s i n c e t h e e n t i r e s c e n a r i o m e n t i o n e d a b o v e n e v e r e v e n happened was my disinter est gr eat. But it was cer tainly something I would h a v e d o n e , i f I h a d e v e r p a r t i c u l a r l y e n j oy e d s a l v i a t o p r o t e s t . S i t b a c k a n d r e l a x , a n d b e h a p py k n o w i n g t h a t yo u r b r e a t h i n g m e a n s yo u a r e s t i l l alive. T h e s e a r e s o m e o f t h e Vi c e P r e s i d e n t i a l C a n d i d a t e s w h o s e i n t r o d u c t i o n t o t h e m a j o r p a r t y t i c k e t s yo u w i l l h a v e a b s o l u t e l y n o s ay i n . M o s t l i k e ly, t h e nominees will come from the following shor t list.

H I L L A RY C L I N T O N Po s s e s s e d by t h e s t r a n g e d e l u s i o n t h a t h e r v o t e t o a u t h o r i z e t h e i nv a s i o n of Iraq has less to do with her discounting as the Democratic candidate than her status as being mer ely female, she is probably the most content i o u s p o l i t i c a l f i g u r e i n t h e n a t i o n w i t h o u t t h e n a m e G e o r ge W. B u s h . W hy, we must ask, must we add the name Clinton fur ther to the political stains on the United States? Since the ear ly 90s, she has been swearing up and d o w n t h a t s h e c a n m a k e s u r e a l l o f o u r c h i l d r e n c a n g e t s o m e f r e e , i f f a i r ly plain and bar e-bones health cover age. D w a r f i n g t h e m o r e n o t o r i o u s M o n i k a L e w i n s k y s c a n d a l i s t h e c l a i m by a n Ar kansas hospital administr ator named Juanita Broaddrick that she rec e i v e d a f u l l - f l e d g e d r a p e f r o m Wi l l i a m J e f f e r s o n C l i n t o n . T h e s e c h a r ge s n e v e r w e n t a s f a r a s b e i n g c i v i l o r e v e n c r i m i n a l a n d a r e u s u a l ly i g n o r e d by t h e m a j o r m e d i a s i m p l y b e c a u s e t h e y a r e t o o d a m n u g ly t o p u t i n p r i n t . It’s kind of like that time that John McCain called his wife a “cunt” who s m e a r s o n h e r m a k e u p l i k e a “ t r o l l o p ” i n f r o n t o f t h e p r e s s c o r p s. S o m e t h i n g s w e i n t h e r e p o r t i n g b u s i n e s s j u s t h a v e t o l e a v e a l o n e . I d i g r e s s. A l l I a m s ay i n g i s t h a t r e s p e c t s h e r h u s b a n d ’ s w o m a n i z i n g. N o d o u b t , C l i n t o n i s t e n a c i o u s. U n t i l h e r h u s b a n d w a s e l e c t e d p r e s i d e n t , s h e c o n s i s t e n t l y h e l d a h i g h e r a n n u a l i n c o m e . A f o r m e r m e m b e r o f t h e Wa l 69

A s t h e go v e r n o r o f K a n s a s , t h i s w o m a n h a s m a d e m a j o r h e a d w ay a g a i n s t m o r a l i t y p o s i n g w i t h s u c h P r o j e c t Fo r A N e w A m e r i c a n C e n t u r y l u m i n a r y a n d neo-colonial apologist, Condoleezza Rice. Sebelius has driven her state into m a s s i v e d e b t o n t h e b a c k o f m a j o r p r o m i s e s f o r e d u c a t i o n f u n d i n g. A p o o r s p e e c h - g i v e r, i t i s w o r r y i n g f o r t h e k i n d o f p e o p l e w h o w a n t t h i s w o m a n e l e c t e d , a l l o f t h e f e a r s t h a t a d d i n g a w o m a n w o u l d m e r e ly c o n s t i t u t e t o k e n i s m a t t h i s p o i n t . H ey, m ay b e t h i s i s a n u n d e r e s t i m a t i o n o f p e o p l e , b u t f r o m m y ex p e r i e n c e h e a r i n g p e o p l e t a l k a b o u t t h e r e a s o n s O b a m a s h o u l d b e e l e c t e d ( t o “ i m p r o v e t h e s e l f - e s t e e m o f t h e bl a c k c o m m u n i t y, ” o n e D e m o cr at told me) voter s even in the humble Midwest are as superficial as the Madison Avenue set. I told Bar r y ear ly on in this r ace that the closer his s u p p o r t e r s a n d d e t r a c t o r s g o t t o p l ay i n g g e n d e r a n d e t h n i c i t y c a r d s , t h e w o r s e t h e w h o l e s i t u a t i o n w o u l d ge t f o r t h e D e m o c r a t i c Pa r t y.

i s d i f f i c u l t t o s p e a k b a c k , l i k e s o m e o n e o n c o c a i n e . We b b c o m m u n i c a t e s t o t h o s e v o t e r s d e p e n d e n t o n h i s b a t t l e - g e n e r a t e d i n t e r n a l dy s f u n c t i o n , I a m a t l e a s t a s s c r e w e d u p a s yo u a r e . H e i s s o e m b r o i l e d w i t h t h e f e a r t h a t h e h a s b e e n c a r r y i n g a h a n d g u n i l l e g a l l y o n C a p i t o l H i l l f o r s o m e m o n t h s n o w. A We b b a i d e w a s a r r e s t e d t r y i n g t o e n t e r t h e C a p i t o l w i t h t h e S e n a t o r ’ s g a t on him. T his is a testimony to the sor t of unbridled par anoia Americans h a v e l e a r n e d t o c e l e b r a t e a m o n g s t t h e i r r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s. I n t e r a c t i o n s w i t h the National Affair s Depar tment at this publication wer e often ver y er r atic; w h e n w e a p p r o a c h e d h i m a t t h e J e f f e r s o n - J a c k s o n D i n n e r l a s t ye a r w h i l e he was at this table, he r emar ked that it was “ver y inappropriate” that w e w a l k e d u p t o h i m . Re c e n t c o r r e s p o n d e n c e t o h i s S e n a t e e m a i l r e g a r d i n g t h e ( v e r y ) l i k e l y p o s s i b i l i t y o f a Vi c e P r e s i d e n t i a l r u n c o n c l u d e d w i t h a b a n g o f a Vi e t c o n g s h o r t g u n a n d a w h i m p e r. H e d o d ge d t h e q u e s t i o n , asser ting that “inher ently par tisan” political matter s could not be addr essed through his Senate office. T his is a ver y good indicator that he is t h e p r e s u m p t i v e n o m i n e e . A r e f u s a l t o d e n y g e n e r a l l y d i s p l ay s a m b i t i o n . W h i l e We b b h o l d s l o t s o f p o p u l a r i t y n a t i o n w i d e , l o n g t i m e r e a d e r s o f t h i s m a g a z i n e a r e a w a r e o f j u s t h o w n a r r o w h i s m a r g i n o f v i c t o r y r e a l ly w a s i n 2 0 0 6 f o r h i s S e n a t e s e a t . A f o r m e r Re p u b l i c a n a n d o n e - t i m e Re a g a n a p p o i n t e e , J i m We b b i s a t r i b u t e t o h o w t h e t w o m a i n p o l i t i c a l p a r t i e s a r e j u s t two sides of the same coin.

JIM WEBB

MITT ROMNEY

Mar t board, it is no wonder that she is in favor of the expansion of social w e l f a r e p r o g r a m s. T h a t i s a c o m p a n y t h a t s o o f t e n t r i e s t o k e e p e m p l oy e e s j u s t o n t h e v e r g e o f b e i n g f u l l - t i m e t h a t t h ey a c t i v e ly h a v e e n c o u r a g e d e m p l oye e s t o s e e k o u t w e l f a r e a s s i s t a n c e . J u s t d r i v e i n t o t h e s u b u r b s a n d yo u c a n s e e bu m p e r s t i c k e r s o n S U V s w i t h h e r n a m e s p e l l e d o u t w i t h t h e s i c k l e and hammer of the Soviet Union.

K AT H L E E N S E B E L I U S

In the gigantic fucked-up contest of who has more post-traumatic stress d i s o r d e r t h a n Jo h n M c C a i n , J i m We b b p o s e s a n i m p r e s s i v e c h a l l e n g e . S e e h i s a p p e a r a n c e s i n d o c u m e n t a r i e s a b o u t Vi e t n a m i m m e d i a t e l y a f t e r t h e f a c t . H e looks as r attled as a dog “bor n fighting”, right before it is swung into the d i r t by i t s n e c k a t M i k e Vi c k ’ s p l a c e . Whether it be his bizar re impressions of the war zone or his hardcore p r o f e s s i o n s o f l o s s a s ex p l a i n a b l e o n l y t h r o u g h h i s d i z z y i n g l y p e r v e r s e s e r i e s o f a t t e m p t s a t n o v e l i s t i c c a t h a r s i s , J i m We b b i s a p e r s o n t o w h o m i t 70

A c c o r d i n g t o t h e I n Tr a d e f u t u r e s p r e d i c t i o n m a r k e t , t h e m a n m o s t l i k e ly t o a s s u m e t h e r o l e o f t h e Vi c e P r e s i d e n c y, d e s p i t e J o h n M c C a i n’ s o p e n ly mocking this ambition. An extr emely immor al per son, Mitt went on the late Tim Russer t’s show during the primar y season to tell some cockamamie s t o r y a b o u t h o w g l a d h e w a s w h e n h e h e a r d t h a t t h e L a t t e r D ay S a i n t s w o u l d b e g i n a l l o w i n g b l a c k m e n t o b e c o m e p r i e s t s. T h e d e t a i l s w e r e t h a t h e was driving back from law school at the time when he heard it on the car r a d i o, p u l l e d t o t h e s i d e o f t h e r o a d , a n d c r i e d a n d p r aye d t o t h a n k G o d . We l l , t h i s i s a l l f i n e a n d d a n d y u n t i l t h e p o i n t w h e n yo u d o t h e m a t h a n d r e -

alize that he was not in law school at the time. He is the sor t of per son who w o u l d d e f e n d t h e M o r m o n d o c t r i n e t h a t bl a c k p e o p l e a r e t h e r e s u l t o f p r e b i r t h m e t a p hy s i c a l a p a t hy c o n c e r n i n g t h e w a r b e t w e e n L u c i f e r a n d w h i t e s p a c e Je s u s. C o nv e n i e n t ly, i n t h e e v e n i n g o f h i s l i f e a f t e r h a v i n g m a r r i e d and made the fullest use of his brood mare of a wife, he experienced the s t u n n i n g, p o l i t i c a l ex p e d i e n t r e v e l a t i o n t h a t a b o r t i o n w a s i n f a c t i m m o r a l a n d h i s p r o - c h o i c e p r o f e s s i o n s h a d t o g o o u t t h e w i n d o w. I n a t e r r i f i c a l l y c r u e l m o m e n t , M i t t Ro m n e y s a i d i n o n e o f t h e Re p u b l i c a n p r i m a r y d e b a t e s t h a t w e s h o u l d “ d o u b l e ” t h e s i z e o f G u a n t a n a m o B ay p r i s o n .

C L A I R E M C CAS K I L L T h i s w o m a n n a r r o w ly d e f e a t e d J i m Ta l e n t i n 2 0 0 6 t o b e c o m e t h e J u n i o r S e n a t o r f r o m M i s s o u r i a n d w o u l d c o n s t i t u t e a s e r i o u s h a n d - ex t e n d e d t o a l l o f t h e C l i n t o n i t e s w h o w e r e s e r i o u s l y c o nv i n c e d t h e y d e s e r v e d t o s e e a f e m a l e p r e s i d e n t s o m e t i m e i n t h e f o r e s e e a bl e f u t u r e . I n a c o n f o u n d i n g l y K a n y e esque moment, she has asser ted with respect to the Hur ricane K atrina c r i s i s t h a t “ G e o r ge B u s h l e t p e o p l e d i e o n r o o f t o p s i n N e w O r l e a n s b e c a u s e t h ey w e r e p o o r a n d b e c a u s e t h e y w e r e b l a c k . ” S h o u l d s h e b e t h e n o m i n e e t h i s w i l l o f c o u r s e c o m e u p, a s s h e h a s a c c u s e d t h e p r e s i d e n t o f t h e n e g l i g e n t h o m i c i d e o f h i s c o u n t r y m e n . O f c o u r s e , o n c e yo u r e a c h t h e l e v e l o f w e a l t h o f M c C a s k i l l o r B u s h , yo u a r e w i t h e v e r y s e c o n d s p e n t n o t d o n a t i n g m o n e y a c t i v e ly r e s p o n s i b l e f o r t h e d e a t h s o f f e l l o w w o r l d c i t i z e n s.

R U DY G I U L I A N I 9 / 1 1 9 / 1 1 Te r r o r i s m Te r r o r i s m 9 / 1 1 Te r r o r i s m Te r r o r i s m 9 / 1 1 Te r r o r i s m Te r r o r i s m 9 / 1 1 Te r r o r i s m Te r r o r i s m 9 / 1 1 Te r r o r i s m Te r r o r i s m 9 / 1 1 Te r r o r i s m Te r r o r i s m 9 / 1 1 Te r r o r i s m Te r r o r i s m

MIKE HUCKABEE A v e r y r e l i g i o u s , s o c i a l l y c o n s e r v a t i v e Re p u b l i c a n w h o f l i r t s w i t h t h e k i n d o f a n t i - c o r p o r a t e s h t i c k m a d e f a m o u s i n r e c e n t y e a r s by Jo h n E d w a r d s. Huckabee once pardoned Keith Richards for a reckless driving offense a d m i t t e d l y b e c a u s e t h e m a n c o u l d p l ay g u i t a r w e l l . S ay w h a t yo u w i l l a b o u t t h e a w e s o m e n e s s o f t h e Ro l l i n g S t o n e s , t h i s w a s n o t e q u a l j u s t i c e u n d e r t h e l a w. W h e n a s k e d a b o u t e v o l u t i o n , t h i s m e m b e r o f t h e H o m o s a p i e n s a d o r a b l y c h u c k l e d , “ [ I ] f a n y b o d y w a n t s t o b e l i e v e t h ey ’ r e t h e d e s c e n dants of a primate, they’ r e welcome to do it.” In the ver y same breath that he defends fetuses, he would do the same for a militar y-prisoni n d u s t r i a l c o m p l e x t h a t h a s s e n t i n n o c e n t m e n t o t h e i n j e c t i o n t a bl e . A h , the str angeness of fir ebr and social conser v atism.

P I Y U S H ' ' B O B BY ' ' J I N D A L D u r i n g h i s s t i n t a t B r o w n U n i v e r s i t y, J i n d a l h e l p e d d r i v e a d e m o n o u t o f a g i r l by a c c e p t i n g C a t h o l i c d o c t r i n e s s u r r o u n d i n g M a r i a n d e v o t i o n a n d p r ay i n g t o t h e d i v i n e f e m i n i n e i d o l . H a l l e l u j a h ! H e w r o t e , “ W h e n e v e r I c o n c e n t r a t e d l o n g e n o u g h t o b e g i n p r ay e r, I f e l t s o m e t y p e o f p hy s i c a l f o r c e d i s t r a c t i n g m e . I t w a s a s i f s o m e t h i n g w a s p u s h i n g d o w n o n my c h e s t , m a k i n g i t v e r y h a r d f o r m e t o b r e a t h e . ” L i k e Ro m n e y, h e w o u l d p r o b a bly d e f e n d t h i s b r a n d o f l u n a c y by p l ay i n g t h e “ f r e e d o m o f r e l i g i o n ” c a r d . T he cur r ent gover nor of Minnesota, this Protestant r aised Hindu made l o t s o f w a k e i n t h e w o r l d o f C a t h o l i c P u b l i s h i n g by b e i n g v e r y v o c a l a b o u t h i s c o nv e r s i o n ( a n d p r o b a b l y t h e f a c t t h a t h e d i d n’ t “ l o o k ” C a t h o l i c ) . B y the time this precocious for mer Rhodes scholar left his role as Secretar y of Louisiana’s Health and Hospitals, the state’s healthcare r ankings had moved into last place. The consistent victim of appointments throughout his life, Jindal likes to r un for office touting his ongoing willingness to humor intelligent design and his hatr ed, hatr ed of abor tion. 73

74 ART DIRECTION CHRISTIAN DETRES/KEN HOWARD PHOTOGRAPHY KEN HOWARD MODELS TATIANA/CHRISTI/STEPHAN STYLIST CHRISTIAN DETRES PHOTO ASSISTANT JEFF SMACK HAIR/MAKEUP JAMIE AND GILLIAN OF WACK SALON

LUXURIANCE

FAC E DOW N, BOOT Y UP AT BANDI T OS E V E RY T H U R S D AY 7 7

Clothing provided by Soleille Swimwear/Brian Lichtenberg/Need Suppy/Lex’s of Carytown Thanks to a tip provided by Casey Longyear of Rumors Boutique, I was introduced to Soleille Swimwear – a Huntington Beach, CA company headed up by designer and international model Lindsey Heppner. The ‘50s pinupinspired 2008 swimwear collection instantly blew me away with its stylish sexiness and demure cheesecake winks of naughtiness. Lindsey, a California native, erstwhile shoe designer, surfer and all-around cool person has restrained the urge to deliver kitsch – so difficult to do when recreating period piece swimwear. What she has wrought respects the time period from which the inspiration hails but updates the mode with modern fabrics and sensibilities. I was really excited to get a preview of the 2009 collection – which is a fantastic exploration of ‘70s couture, again mixed with modern notes creating an ageless tone so many designers try and fail to achieve. Brian Lichtenberg, a twenty-eight-year-old designer out of Hollywood, has been tearing up the runways with his designs for several seasons now. The three items I used in this shoot came fresh off a WWD shoot the day before. Getting all kinds of attention for his asymmetrical, ultra modern designs, Brian is on a fast track to fashion superstardom. He’s got a new jewelry collection for the Alex&Chloe house under the subtitle Briangular as well. American Apparel, always the arbiter of relaxed style, contributed a couple pieces, with accessories donated by great friends Need Supply and Lex’s of Carytown. Thanks to everyone else including Rockett’s Landing for allowing us to shoot at their inspiring location. 79