How To Make Good Fuckin Wine From Home With all the fuckin horrible twists and turns my fuckin life has taken since the crooked politicians in this country drove us into a fuckin hopeless recession, I need a bottle of hooch. I ain't lyin. I'm like, “What's a motherfucker gotta do these days to get just a fuckin buzz, man!” I'm not shittin ya, I'm dead fuckin serious. Gas prices are up, everything costs fuckin too much, it's like, “Fuck! Gimme a break!” Shit fuckin sucks everywhere. Fuckin Jack has gone up so fuckin high for a friggin pint, I cant fuckin afford this shit with the two bullshit jobs I'm fuckin forced to work – but that's another sob story for another day. I like fuckin hooch – but I like wine more. I'm actually a wine fanatic. Yeah, me and my mohawk ass walk into a wine tasting or a wine expo and heads fuckin turn – it's true, lemme tell ya! Anyway, I like reds, like a good cabernet or some shit, but whites i'll settle for too. No, I dont buy the cheap ass shit, like the white trash box wine, and other sub-vinegar wines. I like the good shit, but now, that fuckin shit is way too fuckin expensive! I cannot even get fuckin near a reputable mid-level Bourdeaux without spending a fuckin fortune. Then I got an idea: what if I made my own shit – wine I mean – if I could make my own wine, I could save a lotta fuckin money and get fucked up in the long run whenever I want. So I go on the internet, naturally, looking for books on how to make fuckin wine. They had shit for like $100 bucks that tell you how to make wine. I'm like, what the fuck? Then I stumbled against this site that reviewed wine making programs, and they recommended The Complete Illustrated Guide To Homemade Wine by Mike Carraway. So, I forked over the $40 they wanted and bought the shit – then gave me like 5 other books on other wine making details for fuckin free! I was like, “No fuckin shit! I hit the jackpot here!” Only one thing I can't stand about this shit. It takes too fuckin long! I shoulda known that, as wine only gets fuckin better with age. By the way, this Mike Carraway guy – he might very well be a loon. His fuckin videos and writings, does he have a fuckin life? He's like all about and up homemade wine making's ass, so much so, that I think he bleeds wine. The fucker definitely knows his shit, and teaches you as if youre like a two year old, so the shits easy to understand. I wonder if this dude fuckin draws a sober breath! He probably makes the GOOD shit and drinks this shit 24/7. Anyway, as I said, it takes about 9 months to a fuckin year to produce a really good bottle of fuckin wine. As he says, don't fuckin taste it until its fully aged. I made that mistake, believe me, because like a dumbass I couldn't wait to get dizzy drinkin the fuckin shit. So, I made my first batch, let it sit for like a week. Then I said, “Fuck it, I'm drinkin it!”
Well, lemme tell ya, the shit was OK, like any $10 bottle of bullshit wine you buy in a store(maybe slightly better), but that shit knocked me on my fuckin ass! I was seein shit, man. I was like, this Carraway dude must have a liver of a dill pickle if he drinks this shit! The taste was ok, but the alcohol content was insane. I purposely made the shit a little stronger, but because my dumbass wouldnt be patient and let the shit all settle, I got all fucked up – off of motherfuckin wine! So, the next day, I'm sittin there wonderin what the fuck happened to me? Did I feed my asshole dog? It was better than weed – and that's all I fuckin remember. So I go back to the guide and realize that, like a dumbass, I drank this shit too early, because the fermentation process didnt fuckin finish. So as a result, I got all shit faced like a motherfucker. We'll see how this next batch comes out. I got three more months to go. It better be some bomb ass shit, that's all I gotta say. It smells pretty fuckin good when I smell it so it should be ok. If anything, get this guide and drink the wine early – if you wanna have some fun all fucked up like a dumbass like me. It was hilarious. If anything buy the guide to play tricks on your asshole friends. If not, spend the 65 cents a day it costs to get this guide for 2 months. It's great and you'll save fuckin dough in the long run. I think my total cost per bottle is like only fuckin 25 cents, so the shit is cheap to make, and you can adjust the alcohol level to whatever you want to get as fucked up as you want. Anyway check out this wine nut's guide. It's a pretty good investment I think. I'll know for sure in three fuckin months, but from what I smell, it's gonna be fun in three months because I'm drinkin all that shit – 5 gallons worth! If you dont at least try the shit, you'll be so fuckin pissed when the wine price goes up you'll fuckin knock the socks up your ass that you didn't get this shit. All the fuckin guides and videos that come with it are fuckin brilliant and worth the piss ass $40, if not more. To Check Out Viola Chang's Fine Ass And Her Review Of Wine Guides Click Here To Just Get The Book Now Because I Know What The Fuck I Am Talking About Click Here And hurry, because the fucker is about to go up to $67 dollars on this shit!