Mental Health Tips for Busy Moms

BY ERIN SHEPARD, LCSW

In most American families, mothers are the primary bearers of the invisible mental load of the family. This invisible load refers to all the planning, organizing, and emotional tracking involved in keeping the family lifestyle operating.

As a mental health therapist and a specialist in perinatal mental health, I witness women rising to the occasion to be mothers despite their limitations and circumstances. Many mothers pay the price of carrying the invisible mental load for their families with their own mental health. Generally, women are more likely to be diagnosed with an anxiety or depressive disorder in their lifetime than men. What presents as feelings of overwhelm, agitation, rage, or the contrasting emotions of being numb, disconnected, or burned out are the symptoms of emotional debt. Here are a few ways mothers can build their mental health reserves:

1. Take time to participate

Create a balance between what you plan and what you participate in. Be aware of how your relationship and your role as a caregiver overlap. This will look different for each individual. Pay attention to the moments that matter most to you. The key here is to you, not to everyone else. There will be aspects of your relationship that will be unique and fulfilling to you. Pay attention to those things, be greedy, and get as much of them as possible.

2. Complete the stress cycle

This step is often overlooked but is crucial in emotional regulation. Keeping up with the constant emotionally changing climate of motherhood is stressful. If we don’t allow our minds and bodies to release stress when the moment has passed, we stay in a heightened state of being keyed up, wreaking havoc on our adrenal system and mental health.

To complete the stress cycle, acknowledge the stress has passed by engaging in calming self-talk, self-care behaviors, and/or mindfulness. Use transitional moments to practice preventive stress management as well. Transitional moments are natural breaks in our day and routine. In these moments, pause and acknowledge the moment, using self-care behaviors to recover.

your needs. So much can be taken care of when it’s a small thing vs. letting something go unmet until it’s a huge impairment. Most tasks have a longer shelf life than stress and anxiety want us to think. Choosing rest when we need it, not when it feels earned is key.

It’s been said “we lose ourselves a little when we become mothers, but that’s OK. Moms are awesome at finding lost things.” And it’s true, love, focus and sacrifice come at a cost. That cost should not be a complete depletion of mental health. Take care of yourself by taking time to participate in the life you work so hard for. Take time to complete the stress cycle and leave room to meet your own needs.