Namaskar Y’all

Celebrating Our Siblings

Namaskar, Y’all by Shyama Parui

I approached Diwali with mixed feelings this year. The belief that we need to illuminate the darkness with light was intact but the grief that followed the loss of my sister was overwhelming. Bhai dooj enraged me in a way that even I struggled to comprehend. My naïve heart wondered if things would be different if we had celebrated both “bhai and behen dooj” (a brother and sister celebration). Would my prayers have granted my sister a long or at least a longer, healthier, and happier life?

As I mourned my beloved eldest sister, Bodo-di (big sister) as we affectionately called her, it gave me a chance to introspect on our sibling relationships in general. Regardless of birth order, siblings play a special role in our upbringing. Our brother may have been the first person we had a fist fight with, and our little sister was perhaps the first person we negotiated with. Nature documentaries often capture images of animal cubs sparring in the wild as the nonchalant mother continues to gather food. More than likely, “Mom knows best” and allows them to continue as the playful wrestling is teaching them skills needed for survival. The same principle applies to humans.

Every family is unique in the way sibling dynamics shape its members. For example, in my early childhood, Bodo-di was usually second in command, and became an excellent role model who showed us how to be organized and in charge. Her compassion, generosity and selfless caring for others were evident even when she was ill and spoke with great effort. It’s hard to quantify how much I have learned from her, but every bit is priceless. An ugly realization of life not being fair also dawned on me, that even the kindest people are vanquished by cancer, dubbed as the “Emperor of Maladies” but a tyrant in my eyes. The day after I had heard the news, I continued going about my day to mellow my emotions, but the hours filled me with a void. Mourning away from one’s relatives was much harder than I thought. Being absent from the rituals bereavement and missing the chance to share stories with my nephews about their mother was heartbreaking.

For my parents, their siblings were also their closest friends. Coming from large families, they often cared for the younger brothers and sisters who evolved into playmates, study partners and when the time was right, their proteges.

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