Namaskar Y’all

Yeh Dosti! All About Friendship

Photo By Uttam Parui

Namaskar, Y’all by Shyama Parui

People meet, hit it off, hang out, hang out again and before you know it, they are friends. And then come the stories, about that epic trip to Goa or Vegas or on the flip side, the fist fight you got into with your “frenemy”. You may still remember the person you confided in, when your first Valentine sent roses or the one who listened patiently when you talked endlessly about your romantic trials and tribulations. In life, good friends are like the sugar dissolved in lemonade. You can probably drink it sour but adding those sweet, white crystals in the right amount, makes your tastebuds do cartwheels. They are the Veeru to your Jai or perhaps the Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte to your Carrie.

What lies in the heart of friendship?

With the passage of time and changing circumstances, the definition of friendship evolves and folks who fit that definition can and often change. When we first meet someone, most of us do not pre-determine the parameters of a potential friendship nor do we consciously evaluate the person’s ability to fulfill them. Our acceptance or realization of a connection tends to occur either impulsively or gradually. If the interaction is too intentional, vested interests may be lurking beneath the surface. Personally, with my independent spirit and introverted nature I believe in quality over quantity. My close pals include those who genuinely care about me. I don’t have to worry about impressing them or wonder if they are judging my family.

Making and keeping friendship for life is just as hard in the current era of connectedness as it was a few decades ago. Moving to a different part of the world or entering a different phase of your life such as parenthood can complicate matters. However close knit your inner circle is, geographic distance will challenge its strength. If your buddies can’t relate to your feelings or have different priorities, it can deplete the rewards of that bond. In those scenarios cultivating camaraderie with a new set of guys or gals becomes vital. As immigrants, we consider having an alliance with folks from our home country an absolute must. Speaking in our mother tongue, watching Indian movies and having a conversation without having to offer much explanation works like chicken soup for the soul.

So, I often wondered why friends were conspicuously absent from my parents’ lives. My father handled his numerous acquaintances, relatives, neighbors, and business associates while my siblings and I hung out with a loyal band of friends. On the other hand, my mother usually socialized with her siblings. My aunt who lived down the street was Maa’s confidante and sounding board. Despite ups and downs, these sisters stuck together. They were loyal movie companions who planned on watching the first day, first show of every release with Dharmendra in it. Correspondingly, they also comforted each other through somber rituals of bereavement. Perhaps, their friendship just looked different than mine.

Can friends cause heartache?

While Galentine’s Day and bromance are worth celebrating, friends often get a bad rap. When we got into