Partners in Foster Parenting

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The Salvation Army’s Children’s Services Foster Care & Adoption Program is different than any other Salvation Army ministry, but the goal of the ministry is the same: to meet a need that can transform lives and provide the tools to help a family become self sufficient.

In Pennsylvania there are almost 3,000 children in need of an adoptive family and more than 13,000 children in foster care. The Salvation Army Children’s Services Foster Care & Adoption Program, based in Allentown, Pa., is working to place children in safe homes and to eliminate myths plaguing the adoption process.

“Many think that adoption is something financially unaffordable,” says Angie Gillen, outreach coordinator at the program. “The truth is, the high costs you hear about is from international adoption or private infant adoption, neither of which we do. Aside from basic clearance fees, a clean water test of the home, and physicals, adopting a child from the child welfare system is almost free.”

“Another myth is that most of the children waiting for families are very young, but they actually range from 8 to 21 years old,” says Gillen. “A family can adopt someone who is legally an adult. In fact, those older kids who have been waiting for years are the ones who need someone right now.”

Real adoption is different from how it is portrayed in TV and movies, where a family brings a child home, and the agency shows up weeks or even months later to check in. In reality, Children’s Services help the family and the foster child to adjust every step of the way. The Salvation Army hosts training programs to help these families learn how to develop trust with their foster child. This includes creating an environment of predictability, parental integrity, and letting the child know what to expect while living in their home.

“The children we help have all dealt with trauma, even as infants. Some were exposed to drugs in utero, lived homeless for part of their lives or witnessed domestic violence,” explains Gillen. “They have lived through things that no child should. Because of this, a lot of work goes into making a child feel safe in a new home, even if that home is the safest place in the world. We work as partners with the foster homes, not as their overseers.”

Another technique that Children’s Services teaches to the foster families is Trust–Based Relational Intervention (TBRI). It is specifically designed for children who have experienced trauma or neglect and caters to their unique needs. When children from a traumatic past feel unsafe, the resulting behavior can be baffling and frustrating for parents.

“TBRI helps foster children regulate their emotions and themselves, but it can be used for any child, and even adults. We use it in our own workplace. It’s at the heart of what we do and what makes us unique,” says Gillen.

The program also serves parents whose children have been removed from their care and placed in foster care. Gillen says that when talking to those parents, it becomes evident that they also needed a capable foster care system in their own young lives.

“Very few children get out of such bad situations without real outside help,” explains Gillen. “Think of it like being trapped under a boulder. You need someone’s help to push that boulder away. Now, there might be someone strong enough to push it themselves. But many times, doing all the pushing alone has left them tired, angry, and broken on the inside.

“Those broken parents were our kids at one point. We need to give back to them the things they also missed, and at the same time, help their children now,” says Gillen. “This is a ministry that impacts all of us as a society today, and in the future.”

by HUGO BRAVO

Trust–Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) techniques to use with children:

Respond immediately. A child hearing the phrase, “I see you are upset. What do you need?” can sometimes be enough to calm a tantrum.

Be direct. Don’t simply glance up from your phone or call to children from across the house. Respond with closeness, direct eye contact, and warm comfort.

Ask yourself questions to better understand the behavior. “What is this behavior saying?”, “What does this child need?”, and “How can I teach them to get these needs met?”

Don’t fight anger with more anger. This makes you an adversary in the situation. Engage in calming ways by asking the child to sit next to you and remind them that you are ready to talk when they are.

Offer a do-over. Instead of punishing or scolding for misbehavior, say in a calm voice, “How about we try that again?” This creates an instructional path to better behavior, and a positive memory of the event.

Source: The Karyn Purvis Institute