The Pursuit of Contentment and Happiness
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The Pursuit of Contentment and Happiness
Living in the Present by Terry Zick, MA (Fall 2011 Issue) Living in the Present Brings Increased Happiness and Contentment
How can we increase our level of happiness? There is a rich banquet of strategies and tools to help us get there. As I read in one book, unhappiness is easy —easy, because we continue to think and feel the way we always have, which is the easy way. However, the ability to feel happier can become the easy way. What would happen if we committed to the tools that change our thoughts and feelings toward happiness? Simply put—we would be happier. In the last issue, we learned that if we think we will only be happier in the future when something changes, we have missed an opportunity to be happy NOW. Oh, maybe I will have a moment or two of happiness when I get what I wanted finally (“Yeah, joy!!!”) . . . until I focus on the next thing that I think I want or need that I think will make me happy. When I continue to focus on what is missing, I don’t feel that joy anymore. When the mind and thought stop yearning for what I want and stop complaining about what I don’t have, in my experience, what happens? Then I experience a more peaceful mind and well-being. That potential for joy exists all the time, whether or not I have what I yearn for. Our genetic makeup affirms that we can be happier (some studies say only 50% of our happiness potential is genetic). This means that no matter our past, our genes support a potential for increased happiness. When we realize that we have CHOICE when it comes to our thoughts and our activities, then we empower our life in happier ways. As we apply new strategies and develop a habit of healthier thoughts, it becomes easier to experience happiness. It becomes easier because our amazing brain will help us out, and has the potential to “rewire” itself. The new science of neuroplasticity informs us that the brain and nervous system have the ability to change as a result of new input. The most widely recognized forms of plasticity are improvements in learning, memory, and recovery from brain damage—to name a few. This wonderful ability to rewire begins with changing our thoughts and feelings. Keep in mind that it is the tools and strategies which hold the power to transform our life. Empowered commitment to change our thoughts and behavior will translate into increased contentment. In the last issue, we reinforced that we can increase our happiness quotient by the following strategies:
1. Develop an attitude of gratitude. 2. Pay attention to our thoughts and choose more optimistic or happiness-producing thoughts. 3. Seize the moment to be happy rather than waiting for life to change to be happy.
Two more perspectives are: Live in the present moment more often. Why will being in the present moment increase my happiness? Consider what often happens when we live in the past or in the future. As we revisit the past, we may replay unpleasant memories or traumas (often triggering anger, fear, sadness, anxiety) or we may wish we could have done it better (often triggering regret) or we may wonder how great a life we would have had if things had gone better (often triggering a victim stance, or lack of power and lack of control feelings). As we look at the future while focusing on possible future problems, we might mentally envision a possible unhappy life that isn’t real. We are just http://www.empowermentmagazine.org/Pages/Happiness.aspx (1 of 4) [1/23/2012 8:26:37 AM]
The Pursuit of Contentment and Happiness
creating worst-case scenarios that haven’t happened yet (often triggering fear, worry, anxiety, lack of power thoughts, lack of control thoughts, and pessimistic thinking). The present moment, without nonproductive thoughts and feelings about the past and future, offers increased peace of mind. The present moment offers wisdom, better problem-solving, clarity, and transformation. When our attention is in the here and now, we are less distracted, more focused, and more content. And, to add to the list of benefits—being in the present offers relaxation, effective problem-solving, and compassion for self and others. Much has been written on numerous strategies for living in the present, mindfulness living, and the power of now. The benefits are well documented. Experience life from your heart. Studies show that we change our brain and physiology when we feel a moment in our heart. The heart has its own wisdom, its own “brain” or its own intelligence. Research tells us that our heart has its own complex nervous system. We already live, to some degree, from the heart. Think of the phrases we commonly say that connect us to our heart’s wisdom or compassion such as “bless your heart,” “I did it from the heart,” “my heartfelt appreciation,” “follow your heart,” or “it touched my heart.” Studies show we can reduce stress, anxiety, fear, anger, and depression by practicing heart-based strategies. Through connecting with the heart, our mind will follow our heart and transform our experience. In addition, when we engage with our heart, we prompt our heartbeat, blood pressure and respiration to return to balance. Also, our heart becomes in sync with our brain, resulting in more empowered and healthier benefits. We can transform the present moment when we live from the heart. The heart creates a shift by its ability to heal, forgive, and renew. The heart gives wise counsel. The heart brings us home to our truest self. The heart allows the mind to listen to the silence. The heart connects us spiritually. Here are a few of the countless heart-centering strategies:
1. Put your hand over your heart and connect with your heartbeat (seemingly hear it or feel it beating). 2. Choose a thought of gratitude, and feel the gratitude deeply in the heart. 3. Look for things to be in awe and wonder over (allow yourself to say “ahhhhhhhh,” “mmmmmmmmm,” and “wow!”). 4. Bring the empowering five senses into your heart. Focus on the pleasant smells such as fragrant rain or popcorn. Look at the shapes, colors, and details of flower petals. Listen to the sound of the wind in the trees and the laughter of children. Touch a velvety rose petal and the texture of tree bark. Truly taste the creamy, smooth, coolness of ice cream or the crunchy texture of an apple. 5. Stop to really feel heart connections in special moments with your cat or dog, with the beautiful eyes of an infant, with the wonder and beauty of nature, with emotional aspects of music, and similar moments. 6. Focus the inhale and exhale of the breath in your heart. When we become more self-aware of our thoughts and feelings, we begin to see that so often our thoughts were the problem (along with the emotions that thoughts bring up). With attention to the present, we feel liberated from non-productive thought and we find a way out of our unhappiness. As we become more focused in our present moment with our thoughts and incorporate the feelings of our heart, we have a powerful approach to increasing happiness. It is a strategy that works through practicing the techniques. Commit to the practice and you will reap the rewards. I believe in you wholeheartedly. If you want to know more about the magnificence of the heart and what it can do, do a Google search for heart intelligence or explore www.heartmath.org.
The Pursuit of Contentment and Happiness by Terry Zick, M.A.(published in the Summer 2011 issue)
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The Pursuit of Contentment and Happiness
Am I in control of my contentment and my happiness? I am happy to say that research, mental health professionals and many individuals who study human nature say — absolutely yes! So many books have been written on the topic of happiness — all empowering me to know that there are lots of strategies and viewpoints to help me to be more contented. Studies show that people who have wealth are not necessarily happier, and if they become happy, don’t always stay happy — money itself doesn’t make us happy. Likewise, people with the most education are not necessarily happier. Students who make high grades aren’t happier than those with low grades. No matter what aspect of life we face, what makes us happy is the type of thoughts we have. What contributes to happiness is the choice we make with our thoughts. Optimistic people (those with positive outlooks) are happier than pessimists (those with negative outlooks). Many people describe happiness as contentment. Contented people tend to accept things as they are, and have a sense of mental or emotional satisfaction. Some might call happiness and contentment simply peace of mind. Are we born genetically wired to be happy or unhappy? To some degree we are born with a predisposition or a possible set point toward happiness or unhappiness. According to some studies, our happiness level depends 50% on our genetics, 10% on circumstances, and 40% on our intentional activities. Intentional activities are 1) the intention of how I am going to choose to think and patterns of thought (cognitive), and 2) how I am going to choose to respond, or act, or spend time “being” (behavioral). These thought patterns for happiness come from a variety of feeling-good strategies including social, spiritual, and physical — in addition to the cognitive and behavioral. We can change our thoughts and, therefore, our feelings, emotions, and moods. We do this with focused intention, purpose and motivation. The power of intention to direct the course of our thoughts will support us to sit firmly in the driver’s seat of our life and reap the happiness rewards that we seek.
What happens if I get those unhappiness genes? Here’s some good news! I can still be happy! If both my parents were unhappy people and I inherited genes toward unhappiness, I can learn new strategies that pump up that 40% of intentional activities. Genes do not rule my happiness quotient because I can empower my happiness by my choices. I have learned that if I am anxious, sad, angry, scared, or depressed, I can still learn how to be a happier person. The thing about unhappiness is that it fools us into thinking that we don’t have a choice to feel peace or joy. We always have choices. The transformation toward increased happiness happens because the strategies, tools, and skills I can learn will influence my moods. My journey started when I claimed an intention that I will learn how to be happier, and I gathered a lot of the “how to be happier” wisdom...and applied it. So what can you do? Right now. Today. Here’s just three of the many, many tips I would like to share with you: 1. I developed an attitude of gratitude. There is always something to be grateful for. It might be gratitude to just get out of bed, or have money for the bus or rent. (For years I have written “Thank you” on every check I write.) It might be appreciation for the smell of roses, or a stranger’s kind word or smile. It might be gratitude for a person or event in my life. When I think of all the people who are suffering more, or who have less, I feel so deeply grateful. 2. I pay attention to what is happening in my mind and thoughts. This is often called developing self-awareness. When I notice a negative thought that undoubtedly will affect my mood, I use a strategy to shift or reframe that thought. Police your thoughts so you can get out of the prison that your own thoughts create. Change your attitude, your perspective, look for the good. The science of neuroplasticity tells us that the brain is pliable, able to change, to grow new cells. Our brain can change its hard wiring for unhappy thoughts and “stinkin’ thinkin’.” Our brain has a kind of default because it just repeats the http://www.empowermentmagazine.org/Pages/Happiness.aspx (3 of 4) [1/23/2012 8:26:37 AM]
The Pursuit of Contentment and Happiness
same automatic pattern of thinking — until we introduce a different thought and repeat the happy-producing thought. How do we rewire our brain and create new habits of thinking? Consider a commitment to changing the thoughts, practice meditation or mindfulness, or focus on the breath. When we change our thoughts, our brain rewires itself, and now we have happier patterns of thinking. Remember the saying, “garbage in, garbage out”? Our brains will help us achieve happier thoughts IF we deliberately feed it thoughts of love, joy, compassion, gratitude, altruism, optimism, etc. 3. I seize the moment to be happy. In other words, I don’t wait to get a different something or wait for someone to change, or for life to show up differently in order to be happy. Happiness is available to you right now. Happiness exists when we develop an awareness that we are OK in our mind, heart, and spirit. We feel happier as we learn to make peace with who we are and where we are. If we keep waiting to be happy for when better days come (better health, better finances, better friends, better home, etc.), we have missed the beauty of the precious moment of available contentment. When we wake up to the idea that we have an always and forever internal resource for happiness, we can feel more peace and joy. Footnote: These strategies are not about denial. These strategies combine acceptance of “what is” with purposeful intention to move in productive, beneficial, and more contented directions. Too many people think they can’t possibly change. Not true. It does take effort, lots of purposeful effort to move from the familiar road of unhappiness to take a side route to a road of happiness (and let it grow to become your new Main Street). Focus and take the steps. Even if they are baby steps, make a change. Do something different that will increase the moments of joy and peace. Develop a strategy of “I can do this.” Tell yourself, “I can be more grateful today. I can eliminate my typical negative phrases and repeat new empowering phrases. I can seize more moments to connect with my happiness within whether circumstances change — or not. My brain will help me out and in time it will become easier to feel differently.” I discovered that I always had Main Street available within. I made the changes I talk about. You can too. I believe in you wholeheartedly.
Terry has a Master of Arts Degree in Counseling from the University of Colorado-Denver. She has 30 years experience working with adults, children and family preservation. She has worked in settings such as: nonprofit, schools, justice system, alcohol/drug problems. Her role as counselor, consultant and trainer maintains a focus on spirituality, health and wellness. Terry currently facilitates groups and support individualized mentoring at the Wellness and Recovery Center North If you find this article useful, please share with a friend!
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