Party of Six Rich Alden

The Ramirez Family Party of Six Rich Alden

The first time the restaurant hostess said, “Ramirez party of six,” Esteban & Jenny popped right up and said, “here we are.” With extra broad smiles on their faces, they followed the hostess to their table.

The Ramirez party of two overnight became the Ramirez party of six. Jenny and Esteban had adopted siblings Elena, Layla, and Max ages 15 ,14 & 12 and more recently added their baby brother Nico to the family. Most couples ease into parenting by having one child at a time and raising it from infancy. The parents integrate their personalities, values, and experiences into the child’s life. Not Esteban and Jenny, they hit the fast forward button ahead 15 years and jumped right in, both feet, no life preserver, no do overs, all in - all the time, forever.

This has been a huge life event for everyone. As new parents it has taken courage, patience, and faith. Esteban and Jenny have shown their children the love that comes from a strong unbreakable marital bond, their desire to do their best and a strong belief in their Catholic faith and the sacraments. Elena, Layla, and Max also have shown courage, acceptance, and trust that they are right where they need to be.

While dating, Esteban and Jenny often spoke about a future family. “Married 5, 10, 15 years came and went, and we realized, we’re not going to have kids” remembers Esteban. On the encouragement of a family member, they investigated fostering with the goal of adopting a baby. Esteban and Jenny then took classes on fostering and adoption. Like most people in this situation Jenny had concerns about what she and Esteban were learning. She says “I guess I was pretty naive about what foster kids were going through and to hear about it was pretty heartbreaking. I got nervous and scared about dealing with what these kids have gone through.”

Despite these feelings Jenny and Esteban continued down the road of fostering and adopting a baby. With their goal of adopting a baby in mind, Esteban remembers late in 2019, “getting an unusual email from the county, not a form letter, but a more personal one." It was not about adopting a baby but inquiring if they were interested in keeping three siblings together. This was not what Esteban and Jenny were looking for. They did not say no, but they didn’t immediately say yes, they talked and decided, “let’s do this step by step.”

As they completed each step, Jenny prayed, “Okay God, if you want us to do this, we’ll do it, it’s your will.” Esteban adds, “It was obviously Gods will, three siblings were nothing like what we were thinking of. None of them were babies, but we could give these kids a chance to stay together.”

The Ramirez Family:

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Party of Six

to their families. “They were scared for us, they thought we were nuts,” remembers Jenny. As time passed, the families realized what a gift these children have been for Esteban and Jenny but also on the positive impact they would have on the kids. It didn’t take long before Elena, Layla, Max, and Nico were considered members of the family.

Jenny and Esteban looked forward to being parents and had prepared as much as they could. But how do you prepare for an instant family that includes teenagers? Do you really think they knew what to expect? Expectations are a funny thing, at times reality can be like an unexpected splash of cold water on the face. There can be disappointment, confusion, and hurt feelings but also happiness, clarity, and joy. In other words, stuff happens, and you must deal with it as it comes.

Well stuff did happen, after the adoption, the three siblings learned they had a newborn baby brother, Nico. Elana, Layla, and Max were elated, and Jenny and Esteban had the baby they had longed for. Esteban and Jenny had similar expectations for the kids, “to respect us, respect each other, respect the house, do their part and be active in the family. Reality was very hard on us, we had to realize they had been raised by somebody else” says Esteban. “Our clean was not their clean” Jenny adds. There were ups and downs for everyone. “We see them as our kids” Jenny says, Esteban adds “Their stuck with us forever now.” There were some practical things that needed to take care of as the family came together. Esteban asked their social worker what the kids should call him and Jenny? They gave him some suggestions. “We sat the children down early on and said, you can call us this or that just don't call us by our first names. Now Esteban and Jenny wear the dad and mom title with affection and pride. “At first when they called me dad it made me feel awkward and really strange because I've never been called that before. It was something I had to get used to.”

There are two sides to every equation— Elena, Layla and Max had already developed their own personalities, values, and experiences. They were excited but apprehensive about the addition to their family. They had their own expectations. We thought our parents were going to be strict. “They’re not as strict as they say they are.” says Elena and Layla.

All three were surprised that there were no other kids in the house as that had been their reality in the past. Layla was pleasantly surprised “we got more to eat, mom cooks a good grilled cheese sandwich, my favorite.” All three describe their mother as funny and caring and their dad as crazy.

The kids have a good sense of humor. Esteban recalls early on when he was mending a broken ankle and wearing a walking boot, he was limping down the hallway and turned around and noticed Layla was mimicking him. I asked, “are you mimicking me?” and she just smiled. “That made me laugh so much. They're practical jokers”. They enjoy making us laugh. April fool’s day is a particular favorite of the kids.

There is some conflict in the family as there are San Francisco Giant fans and Los Angeles Dodger fans.

“It’s a fun rivalry” says Layla.

Family trips have included Santa Cruz, camping, and Six Flags amusement park. Esteban is a member of the Knight of Columbus, Knights on Bikes, a motorcycle touring group. His and Jenny’s participation has been reduced but Layla excitedly recalled when she got to go on a ride with her dad. For Elena, Layla and Max these days it’s all about just being normal kids making their way in life.

Elena is a sophomore at Cordova High school, an active member of the band and is looking forward to taking cooking classes next year. Her future includes being a first-grade teacher and photographer. Layla joins her sister at Cordova High as a freshman and is looking forward to participating in sports. Her future includes becoming a veterinarian, doctor, or nurse. Max attends Mitchell Middle school, likes gaming and wants to be a gamer when he gets older. One year old Nico enjoys running and all the attention he gets from his big sisters. All three are looking forward to RCIA and becoming Catholic as well as Nico’s baptism.

What advice do Esteban and Jenny have for a couple considering fostering and adopting. “We would tell them; it is going to be very hard. There’s going to be nights where you will be questioning yourself. You're not going to get any sleep and at some points you're going to want to quit. But in the end, it’s going to be worth it. If you take the hard times versus the good times, and we’ve had both, the good times far out outweigh the hard.”

What are Esteban and Jenny’s hope for the future? Esteban would like to “see them doing well in school and helping them become independent successful people with whatever they do.” Jenny adds “I just hope they make it to heaven.”

Ramirez party of six, your table is ready.