HONG KONG DATING

It’s not you, it’s me

Valentina Tudose shares three reasons for walking away from a past (or present) relationship

Breakups are one of the most painful experiences we can have in our lifetime, apparently second only to losing a loved one. People often feel the end came out of nowhere, at least for the person who’s getting the bad news.

But does it really? When you have the courage to really look back without attachment, you find the signs were there all along.

If you’ve been dealing with a breakup that took you by surprise, whether recent or at any point in your past and you are still unable to understand why it all had to end, read on to learn what red flags you might have noticed, if you only cared to look hard enough.

One or more of the answers are clear signs your relationship had possibly outlived its purpose and it was high time you moved on. The sooner you understand and learn to accept these as the real reason you are no longer in that relationship, the easier it will be for you to put it all behind you and start a new life. Were (are) any of these signs present in your relationship and what could you have done about it?

Constant conflict: “All we did was fight”

When the only shared experience you have as a couple is fighting, things are not looking good. The right kind of arguments are often contributing to the growth of a relationship, as issues are being identified and resolved in a positive manner. However, when things get really bad, merely being in your partner’s presence is nothing but a reason to express your deep anger and disappointment at not having your needs met. If no amount of negotiation has led to an answer, you know it’s time to get out. If your fights never found a solution to the problem, you were just delaying the inevitable.

Growing apart: “We no longer had anything in common”

This issue occurs when things you used to share have become the very reasons you disagree. Relationships are there to help us grow but when each partner grows in a different direction, the writing is on the wall. Different expectations when it comes to the time you spend together, the amount of commitment you each put into the relationship or simply how you’re supposed to deal with money, are clear indications the time has come to move on and find a new life. Make a list of the things you used to like that turned into reasons for conflict.

Emotional distance: “We don’t have any meaningful conversations anymore”

What people normally describe as lack of communication, it often has much deeper roots and a more powerful impact. When every interaction with your partner is so superficial that you no longer learn anything new about each other, your relationship has moved to a completely different level. If your partner has ceased to react to your ideas, concerns, interests and they are so disconnected from your life that they could be a complete stranger, you simply share a house with, things are likely to be beyond hope. Learn from that and be mindful to constantly nurture your connection to avoid coming to this point again.

By now, I am sure you have identified at least one if not more signs that things were not headed in the right direction for your past (or even present) relationship. These signs will help you feel less like the breakup came out of nowhere and allow you to move on and open your heart to new love.

Valentina Tudose is a relationship coach and founder of Happy Ever After and ambassador for YVEREST. For more information visit

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